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please don’t ask me how i did this, i don’t know, anyway

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People who still complain that “Thunderbolts ruined Bucky's development because he looked happier at the end of TFATWS” need to understand something:

There is something called “smiling depression,” so Bucky pretending to be okay—as he has done since:

He didn't say he was drafted by the army and didn't enlist voluntarily.

Like he did when he didn't tell Steve anything about the months of torture and experimentation at the hands of Zola, already leaving him with severe PTSD, and ignoring this to accompany his soul brother back to war.

Like he pretended to have no problem joining Steve to fight the threat of Zemo and the other WS, having to return to the same place where he was held captive for decades.

Like when he pretended to have no problem returning to the cryostasis chamber that would inevitably reactivate his trauma.

Like when he pretended to be okay with returning to the battlefield against Thanos when all he wanted was peace.

Like when he called himself “a semi-stable 100-year-old man” trying to downplay his condition.

Like when he pretended not to have any problems resorting to the help of his former abuser (Zemo), or to express how pretending to be the Winter Soldier again must have reactivated his indescribable trauma, or to call Sam out on each of his abhorrent and unjustifiable taunts about his trauma and condition.

And just as he tried to downplay, once again, his reactivated trauma when he had to go through his Shame Room inside the Void—

PRETENDING OR ACTING LIKE YOU ARE FUNCTIONING AND HAVE NO PROBLEMS IS NOT, AND NEVER HAS BEEN, SYNONYMOUS WITH ACTUALLY BEING OKAY.

Ironically, the description of “smiling depression” according to the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) is: "Their façade is put together and accomplished." And isn't this the best description of what Bucky has done from the beginning?

BUCKY HAS NOT BEEN OKAY SINCE HE WAS CAPTURED AND EXPERIMENTED ON BY HYDRA FOR THE FIRST TIME. He literally had PTSD after being rescued by Steve, and it's not just visible in his personality change (Steve, how could you not notice that your BFF was not okay just by seeing him so quiet and drinking alone in a corner of the bar?).

The Smithsonian panel states that he suffered long periods of isolation, deprivation, and torture, and his file in The Wakanda Files corroborates this. Talking about this trauma alone is already too complicated, as POW PTSD is more severe than that of the average war veteran who did not become a POW, and we are not only talking about the level of severity but also its duration. Several psychological studies around the years 1970-1978 show that 70-78% of POWs who were captive for just a few months meet the criteria for a lifetime diagnosis of PTSD.

Additionally, a detainee is exposed to various forms of abuse and torture, causing a sense of fear of imminent death, whereby the abuser decides whether to keep the detainee alive. Captivity creates a dominant feeling of fear and loss of all autonomy, often leading, especially in the case of long-term captivity, to a loss of the will to live and a desire to end it. As a result, captivity is considered one of the most difficult human experiences.

Studies have shown that avoiding memories of traumatic experiences, especially those that were extremely difficult or involved humiliation and extreme torture, is one of the most prominent symptoms in heavily traumatized veterans, which hinders their recovery. Based on research results, these avoidance symptoms are primarily due to a strong sense of shame about the experiences and humiliation endured. On the other hand, strong feelings of shame are associated with the development of depression, suicidal urges, and psychotic symptoms.

Research also deals with the feeling of not belonging, and loneliness among war veterans, which is even more pronounced among veterans who have experienced captivity compared to those who have combat experience but were not in captivity.

So, the way Bucky avoided talking about his time as a POW (both when he was first captured and even more so after 70 years of complete and total loss of both agency and identity) is really and absolutely in line with a real-life reaction of what a prisoner of war would have done. And the thing is, the psychopathology (such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, and potential risk of suicide) of the vast majority of POWs is *lifelong.*

And I mean, we're talking *solely* and exclusively about the psychopathology that Bucky would suffer just from being imprisoned and subjected to the “basic” torture of isolation, starvation, thirst, and physical and psychological abuse. This alone would have *lifelong* negative effects that would only WORSEN over the years.

We haven't EVEN gotten to the part about the painful ECTs that literally robbed him of his memory, emotions, and identity, and the effects that the high voltage and amperage of these electric shocks left behind, such as the very likely cell death.

As all the symptoms of brain damage caused by electric currents such as headache, dizziness, confusion, memory loss, cognitive impairment, changes in behavior, and seizures are those we have already seen in Bucky after every ECT...

We are NOT EVEN talking about the reference to the way in which psychotropic drugs were used (which were most likely benzodiazepines, which when mixed with alcohol also have the side effect of retrograde amnesia and induce a comatose state that would make it easier for Hydra to prepare him for cryo-freeze) to affect his judgment and cognition and caused brain damage and cell death on their own as well...

We are NOT EVEN talking about the mind control that robbed him of his agency and autonomy, which is nothing short of ultra-traumatic for a POW who already had PTSD stemming from a lack of control over himself.

And on top of all this, add the self-loathing and guilt that lead him to believe it is his obligation to make amends for the damage his captors and abusers caused.

And yes, we are NOT EVEN considering here the very likely survivor's guilt he suffers, or the fact that he is now condemned to live in a world and a time that is NOT his own, or the way in which he literally has no family or support network.

Oh and yes, we are NOT considering here the grief of losing the most important person in his life, who in reality abandoned him. Grief that in itself causes identity crises that only worsen the already severe derealization/depersonalization disorder that Bucky already suffered from.

Guys, BUCKY HAS VIRTUALLY EVERY MENTAL ILLNESS DERIVED FROM BRAIN DAMAGE AND EXPOSURE TO SEVERE TRAUMA OVER DECADES. So if you have time to suffer, this is what I'm talking about. Damage in the amygdala. the prefrontal cortex, the frontal lobe and the hippocampus as well:

Amygdala damage

Emotional difficulties

Anxiety

Depression

Fear response 

Mood swings

Irritability

Aggression

Memory problems 

Impaired memory

Difficulty identifying familiar landmarks

Behavioral changes

Disordered eating

Impaired decision-making

Prefrontal Cortex damage

Personality changes 

Decreased empathy0

Apathy

Poor planning

Lack of drive

Disinhibition

Puerilism

Euphoria.

Planning and organization 

Difficulty planning or sticking to a schedule

Difficulty initiating, continuing, and finishing activities

Problems establishing realistic goals

Memory problems 

Short-term memory loss or amnesia

Difficulty remembering things. 

Other symptoms:

Poor decision-making skills

Inflexibility and stubbornness

Limited attention

Perseveration

Difficulty controlling emotions

Changes in behavior

Low motivation

Reduced sense of taste or smell

Depression

Trouble with communication

Damage to the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (VLPFC) can cause deficits in spatial attention, inhibitory control, and language.

Frontal lobe damage

Long-term symptoms of frontal lobe damage include: personality changes, difficulty with planning and changes in behavior.

Personality changes: Reduced empathy, loss of spontaneity, irritability, reduced tolerance for frustration, and depression. 

Difficulty with planning: difficulty organizing tasks, difficulty meeting goals, difficulty switching attention between tasks, and difficulty solving problems. 

Changes in behavior: Impulsive or risky behavior, increased or decreased sexual interest or activity, peculiar sexual habits, inappropriate comments or physical responses, and withdrawal from activities they used to enjoy. 

Other symptoms 

Reduced self-awareness

Poor judgment and decision-making

Difficulty with attention and taking in information

Reduced creativity

Reduced sense of taste or smell

Weakness on one side of the body or face

Falling

Difficulty controlling impulses

Certain forms of amnesia (memory loss)

Hippocampus damage

Long-term symptoms of hippocampal damage include: memory loss, mood changes and difficulty with decision-making.

Memory problems: Difficulty forming new memories, difficulty retrieving old memories, forgetting where you put things, forgetting the answer to a question, and getting lost in familiar places. 

Mood changes: depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. 

Difficulty with decision-making: Making poor decisions, asking the same questions repeatedly, difficulty following directions, and not taking care of oneself. 

Other symptoms: Difficulty holding a conversation, seizures, spatial disorientation, losing or misplacing items often, and difficulty carrying on conversations. 

Hippocampal damage can be linked to disorders like anterograde and retrograde amnesia. 

In addition to the damage to his limbic system that was compromised by both the ETCs and the very possible administration of psychotropic drugs into his system, which involves:

Mood changes: Such as irritability, anger, fear, sadness, or depression

Memory loss: Including difficulty remembering recent events or learning new information

Sleep disturbances: Such as insomnia or disrupted sleep patterns

Behavioral changes: Such as aggression or anxiety.

Difficulty with social interactions: Such as social withdrawal

Mental health disorders: Such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Imbalance of bodily systems: Such as stress reactions or difficulty handling stress

And this would only be the side effects of brain damage.... While other effects of C-PTSD in addition to those already mentioned are:

Emotional symptoms 

Feeling helpless, guilty, or ashamed

Difficulty controlling emotions

Sudden flashes of anger

Feeling hopeless or empty

Feeling like you are different from other people

Feeling like nobody understands what happened to you

Relationship problems:  Avoiding friendships and relationships, finding relationships very difficult, developing unhealthy relationships, and Difficulty trusting other people. 

Physical symptoms 

Chronic pain

Chronic fatigue

Irritable bowel syndrome

Headaches

Dizziness

Chest pains

Stomach aches

Other symptoms: Self-harm and suicidal thoughts, dissociation, poor or fragmented recall of one's own history, seeking treatment of perceived illnesses during moments of distress, and compulsive or inhibited sexual behaviors. 

And after all this, could anyone seriously buy the stupid excuse of a story where Bucky is magically healed by “taking responsibility for his actions,” “doing the work,” and “putting himself at the service of others,” let alone by attending a cookout (to which he wasn't even invited, because otherwise he wouldn't have had to go back for a store-bought cake) with Saint Samuel, who is NOT a victim of mind control or abuse himself, so it's unethical of him to want to offer advice to a poor victim who literally had to endure the worst and most traumatic experiences that any living being could even imagine???

DAMN IT, THAT'S NOT HOW TRAUMA WORKS!

Because the worst part is that even with real, healthy therapy and the help of a real support network, there's NO realistic way Bucky could recover from PTSD related exclusively to being a POW for 70 years... much less from everything else he's suffering from...

Bucky needed help from *this* moment on, and no one, not even Steve, realized it.

But the worst and most heartbreaking part of all this is not that the deterioration in Bucky's personality and emotions from CA:TFA to Thunderbolts is consistent with how trauma works, BUT that it is precisely because it is consistent and accurate with how trauma works that Bucky's condition will only get WORSE and WORSE over time...

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“Bucky was happy for Steve in Endgame!”

No.

This is the face of a man who is desperately trying not to fall apart. Of course he doesn’t want Steve to go, but he can’t let Steve know that. He’s not allowed to want things. He hasn’t been allowed to want things for a long time. So he sucks it up and says good bye, holding back any sign of how this was really affecting him.

And it hurts. Steve is really his only friend in this moment in time, and he’s leaving for a girl he kissed once that he hasn’t seen in ten years. But Bucky’s not allowed to feel like that. He doesn’t deserve to feel jealousy. Steve is so good and Bucky is just... well, he’s Bucky. Why would Steve want all that baggage anyways? Of course going back to Peggy is the logical choice. It’s a no brainer.

It’s was probably for the best anyway. It’s not like Steve loved him back.

Not in the way that he wanted him to anyways.

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if i was 26 and had just woken up from a 70 year suicide-induced coma with no one in the present remembering who i am and instead conflating me with the ever changing image of the role i played in ww2 that now serves as american propaganda and 2 weeks ago i was watching guys get half of their faces blown off and a week after that the love of my life fell off of a moving train with me only being able to watch and then i had to like... deal with a billionaire nepo baby war profiteer calling me an old man and saying there's nothing special about me i would have started killing people. but unfortunately it happened to steve rogers. and he has, like, morals. so

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dying on this one hill

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Friendly reminder that the MCU Bucky is based on a canonically gay character

Arnie Roth - Captain America's childhood best friend who joined the army and became a ladies' man, hiding his queerness...Sounds familiar? Yeah

They basically took Arnie's personality and mixed it with Bucky's character, creating the guy we know and love today.

This, of course, doesn't confirm anything, but combined with literally everything else...

Side note: I'd like to do a whole post dedicated to Arnie, as he's one of Marvel's earliest queer characters in history! He deserves love and appreciation on his own!!

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THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER — 1.04 “The Whole World Is Watching”

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holiday

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Bucky experienced a big trauma that profoundly impacts his perception of the world and his emotional experience, so the fact that it occurs in some kind of personification of Steve in this shield may make psychological sense. Not all trauma-related reactions are logical or rational. And Bucky certainly experienced emotionally the fact that Steve abandoned him (and others) and left, only to return as a stranger and die. (But the show can't address that, because Steve's ending is a "happy ending", so it's impossible to suggest that he might have negatively impacted those around him.) So, at this stage of grief, he may have identified the shield with Steve so strongly that he didn't explicitly say "By giving up the shield, you gave up Steve," even if he might have meant it. And from this perspective his behavior and words in this scene, as well as his fixation on regaining the shield, make sense.

I'm rewatching tfatws and Bucky's obsession with the literal shield... doesn't not make sense, association and all

But all I can think of during this scene and every time Bucky talks about the shield is "dude."

"Steve himself threw away the shield like it was nothing TWICE. FOR YOU."

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The World of Steve Rogers in the 1940s

Going off of the previous work of thingswithwings I decided to look a little deeper into the Brooklyn area in the 30s and 40s.  I also at the time had access to ArcGIS which is a program that lets you do Incredibly Important Things with maps, and also use the overlay function to line up Marvel’s Map of Manhattan with a current map of Brooklyn to find out, first of all, where exactly Our Friend Steve lived.

Czytaj dalej

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Sebastian Stan as The Winter Solider/Bucky Barnes in Captain America: The Winter Soldier Exclusive Outtakes

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Friendly Reminder to MCU and Thunderbolts* fans that Ava Starr is a woman of mixed race :)))

Friendly reminder that Ava Starr's on screen parents are a black woman and a white man :)))

Friendly reminder that Hannah John-Kamen is Nigerian and Norwegian :)))

Friendly reminder that Ava Starr's origin as a character is from the Ant Man and the Wasp movie :)))

Just a friendly thing to keep in mind as you draw fanart or write fanfiction of Ava Starr / Ghost :)))

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Yes, there was a whole thread about it. Bucky wouldn't leave Steve's side until he was pulled from the ice. When they thawed him out, someone even said to him:

But unfortunately, I don't remember which number it was :(

Stucky questions

Did the Winter Solider dream about Steve?

Did Steve dream, in the ice?

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During the Cold War, there was a theory. That one agent, in the right place, at the right time …with the right skills… could be more effective than an army. — WINTER SOLDIER #1 (2012) by Ed Brubaker

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Rewatching Captain America: The Winter Soldier just makes me think about how smart Steve is. I feel like he is often overshadowed by other Avengers, such as Bruce, Tony and Nat.

In WS, he has many moments that portray the way his brain thinks. My personal favorites are the elevator scene and when him and Nat arrive at the old army camp. He knows those agents are coming after him due to slight body language, such as a hand on a gun or a couple of beads of sweat while in the elevator. At the old army base, he is able to find the room with Zola with little information. He uses his knowledge on army regulations to find the old SHIELD office. From there, he is just able to notice little things that are off, such as the shelves that reveal the computer.

Sorry for the lil rant, but I just think Steve deserves more intellectual credit than the fandom gives him.

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THE WINTER SOLDIER vs the others in CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014)