#he gives SCULLY what she needs

[carefulfears]

talk about je souhaite

well, yes! you know what i love about je souhaite? mulder. i love je souhaite mulder so much. this is the mulder that called the jersey devil "beautiful" and ran through the woods trying to save it. the mulder that looked the soul-eater monster in the eye and gave up the chance to save his own life, because he couldn't bear to add to the monster's pain. he's a bleeding heart behind 7 levels of delusional mania and vince writes the balance better than any other.

i love that the first thing he does is ask the genie what she would wish for, just because he wants to know. just because he's curious, and he's curious about her as a person, her own desires and input outside of the role she's cursed to play in the world. in her answer, you can see how much 500 years of being a slave to people's selfish whims has weighed on her, in the way that she tells him she would just want her days to be her own. to sit and have a cup of coffee.

at its best, this show and its lead characters endowed their central "monsters" (and victims) with so much intricate confliction, humanity within the metaphysical.

i love that mulder tries to win at the genie wish, to save the world. tries to construct the perfect wording and all-encompassing fool-proof plan. he literally throws around the phrase "the end of tyranny."

he thinks that he can crack it, that he can solve it, that he can come up with just the right wish that will make everyone safer and happier, and free. je souhaite is a quintessential season seven episode in that it's a lesson for mulder that scully already knows, scully gets to spend this episode being wise and joyful and absolutely giddy with nerdy delight.

her perspective on the genie wish (something that she doesn't believe in, but takes seriously, as she always takes him and what's important to him seriously) is perfect. "maybe it's the whole point of our lives here, mulder, to achieve that. maybe it's a process that one man shouldn't try and circumvent with a single wish."

in the end, as optimistic as his hope in what's possible is, it's a cheat. it's no more grand than the 500 years of people before him who wished for things like boats and beauty. mulder is learning lessons that scully already knows, and when the time comes, he closes his notes. you can't escape doing the work, that's the whole point of being alive.

after so much mystical pondering, the next scene is refreshingly down to earth: mulder and scully on the couch at his apartment, him complaining about her popcorn choices, her complaining about his movie choices. the way he throws the beer cap just to make her giggle.

there are few moments i love more than the exchange here, when mulder says, "i don't know if you noticed, but i never made the world a happier place." and scully casually answers, "well. i'm fairly happy. that's something."

what a lesson to be learned at the end of the day!! what a sentiment to express, to someone who spends his entire life trying to save the whole world to make up for not having been able to save one person. who spends his entire life trying to repent for having lived.

you don't have to save the world, you can call your best friend and sit on the couch and watch caddyshack. it's something, that someone loves you in a way that makes a life spent with you fairly happy. this is the point, part of what she was telling him earlier.

when she asks what his wish was, and he just smiles and turns to the movie, this cut to the final scene is one of my favorite shots of the series. the genie, finally her own person for the first time in 500 years, sitting with a cup of coffee.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 23 thoughts

the previous episode was SO good. but, it is true, i was distracted by the dog. it was SUCH!! a perfect episode. EXCEPT for that one thing. so i hope that today, i can face this episode with a clear head, free of judgement based on the fate of little dogs.

well, boy, i did face this episode with a clear mind, and wow. wowza. another AMAZING ep... and i will keep the angst from this episode in my heart forever and bottle it and take a nice long swig when i need my msr feels, which is basically always. wow. an exclamation point doesn't even feel APPROPRIATE, it just needs to hang in the air for a bit. (wiping tears away) wow....

let us go back to yesterday's notes, which shall commence below:

reading the episode description... so this one features murders linked to a device that alters television signals… huh. man, too many people i know don’t even have cable anymore. this simply would not work in the modern era. imagine if hulu or tubi or something made you kill people though lmao that would be silly to imagine.

we open with a guy digging a hole in the woods. always a promising start. seems he’s in an orchard of some sort? and the music is very very creepy. 

okay, so just as you suspect, this dude is burying a dead guy. sometimes your gut instinct is correct and tropes are not meant to be subverted. but the dude who is burying him says “your killing days are OVER” so is this actually a justice arc??? hmm. it is not clear. man, it would be hard to dig a hole like that.

shovel murder man is at home washing the blood off. but then someone else approaches him and he kills THAT GUY TOO WITH THE SHOVEL?? huh? what is going on. 

police at da guy’s house. everyone has the same face as the dude he just killed??? so they tase him. and then the faces go back to their REAL faces. now what is going on here!!!!!!!!!!

as the real faces return, the man realizes he killed someone named sarah!!! and he seems sooo upset by the fact that he killed sarah!!!! poor sarah :(

so does the tv make you see other people’s faces on the bodies of random people….? omg that’s insidious...

we now shift to a different scene, one where mulder is sitting in his car at 2 am. doing what???? waiting for some guy!!! he was waiting TWO HOURS for this guy!!! who is this guy...? it's giving blind date/drug deal.

the man who enters his car gives him a newspaper clipping about the murders we just saw. and mulder came here after getting AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL in the middle of the night??? this is crazy because literally so many people want him dead and this would have been a very easy way to accomplish that goal. wow. seriously, no self-preservation instincts on this guy.

mystery man says he has no obligation to explain what is going on, but if mulder walks away from it, more people will die. so no pressure!! xx

cutscene to a hospital, where mulder is watching our murderer through glass, while scully comes in saying that she is sorry she is late, but “the beltway was a parking lot”. beltway refers to interstate 495! thank you wikipedia i love your services!

murderer is named joseph. and he claims to have been killing the same guy over and over again, and that he wouldn’t die. which seems pretty awful.

OH! and the week before, in the same town, a babysitter attacked the kids she was watching because she thought they were WOLVES??? omg that is horrific??

they’re talking to the physician, dr. stroman, who says perhaps this was provoked by amphetamine abuse. then joseph starts SCREAMING. he sees a guy on the TV- miriskovic- sorry y’all idk my post-soviet history 💔 (update: i googled it, i don't even think that guy was real because all the results are links to wikis on this specific episode... reveals how little i truly know)

anyway, seeing that guy's face on the TV seems to have triggered the screaming situation. does he have trauma from the country he used to live in and seeing references to it makes these things happen…? that would be a wild episode. put me in the writer's room and let me cook.

scully quickly picks up on the fact that this case is Weird, and mulder admits it came from some random guy, which makes her suspicious. but they go to the crime scene, and, like always, he lifts the crime scene tape up over her head, and it’s very charming despite the lack of sensibility in going down this whole rabbit hole.

the minute they get in, they hear screaming and a gunshot! but it’s just some kids watching TV??? eating popcorn in a crime scene??? LMAO WHAT?

mulder kicks them out and scruffs one of the boy’s heads... ohhhh he needs to be a father so bad huh... like i have been saying this since s1 he just has a Need to tease and spoil children. well, we can unpack that another time. there's crime afoot.

so he watches the tv and it starts to go all static-y because a guy outside is fixing the wires. scully finds a TON of tapes and they’re just shelves and shelves of cable TV shows!!!

“there must be hundreds of videos here”, she says, to which he asks “anything good?” <- idk why this made me giggle. it sounded like he was gonna put one in and chill for a bit lmao

scully starts to wonder if seeing the cable news, like joseph had recorded, was what triggered his episode back at the hospital. ooooh! a theory!!! 

cut to mulder watching a tape in the bed of his motel, making an absolute pile of sunflower seeds- this dude is gonna attract mice or something someday omfg- and also he has a cola which is peak american culture. LMAOOOO he has a HUGE pile of tapes on the floor i’m crying... my type A self could NOT deal with him!

he says he watched 36 hours of bernard shaw and bobbi batista and is now also ready to kill someone as scully welcomes him into her room, which also has cola but is much more nicely organized! she found something weird on the tapes from late april, each a night when he committed a murder 

AND WHY DID MULDER GET ALL COZIED UP ON HER COUCH?????? hooooooly fuck i have never seen such a baby girl of a man

OMFG??? all the reports from the murder nights feature that miriskovic guy!!!

so did seeing violence make him violent? mulder says no, and that theory assumes that “americans are just empty vessels, ready to be filled with any idea or image that’s fed to them like a bunch of pavlov dogs, and go out and act on it” oh if only this man could see the news lately……… insert ben affleck smoking a cigarette image here to describe the things we see in our current age. mulder you would not believe.

he’s really bashing her theory, but she’s saying maybe he was high and seeing these things sent him on a spiral- makes sense to me

he is leaving to go get some sleep (after admitting he can’t explain what is going on!!! which always endears me) but scully says she is going to watch the rest of the tapes… a herculean task for our girl

middle of the night and it’s still tape time for scully, but she hears the phone ringing. she hears mulder having a conversation. and he says “no, she doesn’t” which is weird… that is suspicious… what doesn't she...

scully chews her ice which is so funny because me too sometimes. she has chewed all of her ice and must fetch more. and get a cola ofc!!! nothing more american than a cold soda iktr!

but she sees mulder in his car??? lighting up with cig man???? HUH??? and handing over a tape? omfg this is crazy. i assume she is hallucinating though, because no way….

cutscene to a lady named helene watching “the price is nice” (lmaooo) and washing some dishes. but the soap in the dishes starts to look funny- and everything is glitching around her!!! she sees a man outside in a hammock… kissing a woman!!! and oh, she is furious!! she gets her SHOTGUN?? this has escalated very fast. and we hear some shooting!!!

scully is still very visibly disturbed. mulder is reporting the murder, but she seems like a shell of herself. she checks the ash tray in the car, and there is no ash… she notices the car has been moved and he says he got a paper…. why do you ask…. “nothing. it’s nothing” OHHH THIS IS JUICY

so the crime scene has a very bloody hammock. and a dead man, who the wife claims he saw in the hammock with a blonde. but the only other creature at the scene was a dog!!!

OH!!! the hammock man wasn’t even helene's HUSBAND??? this really is LAYERED!! she killed the NEIGHBOR thinking it was her husband, who wasn’t even in town!!!!!! how do you mess this up so badly?

despite the fact that scully is clearly suspicious of mulder, she is sharing the umbrella with him in their usual fashion, and the sense of tension this produces is delicious 

they go to investigate the crime scene and mulder finds some sort of bike and immediately climbs upon it while proclaiming that television does NOT cause violence (LMAOOO HE IS SO WEIRD i need him.) 

they find a bunch more tapes and AGAIN the same guy is messing with the cables outside while they're investigating!!!! mulder is in chase mode!!!! but he cannot chase this dude in the van!!! no man, even a track star such as him, can outrun a van carrying secrets!

scully is trying to fast forward the TV and she looks out to see mulder climbing the pole…. average day for a man like him. he finds a weird cable scrambler in there. she wants to send it to the crime lab, but he says he’ll do the analysis, and she should go interview helene the murderer. OH... she is so suspicious, she just wants to go home…. scully :((( mulder is deeply confused as to why she is being so weird 

so he takes the thingy to the lone gunmen, who say it looks like it’s used for blocking premium cable channels, which i didn’t even know was a thing, you learn so much with this show. but it doesn’t block anything!!! HOWEVER, if you compare a tv with the machine and one without it, the one with the machine is slightly different. hmm...

“you know how television works?” “yeah, you click it on, you have a picture” <- the man who said that line went to oxford btw

it seems that this cable blocker thingy is adding some sort of frequency, but they can’t tell what… hmm.

mulder on the road. scully calls and only asks “where are you” in this very flat and creepy tone and OH i’m scared!!!!

he tries to explain that there is some sort of signal being introduced to the tv- he even says she might be right about the tv inducing violence theory! but she isn’t answering… she hears a clicking, like they're being listened to, and she says he never went to the detective…. let’s wait and talk on a landline, he says.

despite being in his car many miles away, he can tell that there is something very wrong with scully. he says don’t go anywhere, he’ll be right there, and redials after she hangs up. it's very much echoing when she said something similar to him in his crazed gargoyle quest.

but she is so scared, she rips the phone out of the wall and takes it apart!!!! and then the lamp too, and the table. she is checking everything for any sort of bugs!

holy hell, we have never seen her like this before... but i’m actually gagged because she is usually relatively stoic and seeing her paranoid is so different, but it also feels very natural??? she is acting her ass off here as she rips up everything in this motel room. big shoutout to GA, i love your work.

and the static that set in helene's vision earlier is setting in hers now!!! she hears a car pull up and drops to the floor…. she hears a man say “she’s in here” and a pounding on the door. 

OMFG someone tries to open the door and she FIRES 4 SHOTS RIGHT AWAY??? but it’s mulder!!!!

(author's note: i was thinking after i finished the episode, and we know that she is a good shot- remember how she hit just the right angle to knock mulder out but not kill him at the end of s2? so she is either SO out of it that she cannot even aim straight, or there is a tiny tiny tiny part of her that still thinks that mulder isn't worth killing. please mull over which option brings you greater angst)

he’s coming in with his gun and his hair is blowing in the wind and he can’t FIND HER!!!!! it was really very dramatic. hair blowing in the wind has this effect.

cutscene to scully’s mom’s house, and we see a picture of young scully on the table... AWW stop she’s so cuuuute and one of missy as well 😭😭😭

OH! it’s mulder on the phone calling mrs. scully in the middle of the night!!! NOOOO he has to tell her that he doesn’t know where she is :( NOOOO poor mrs. scully has gone through too much. he feels SO bad breaking this news, that he even apologizes for hanging up right away, something he never ever does. he must be in deeeep distress to do such a thing.

and why does he hang up?? because SKINNER IS HERE!!! he’s leading a manhunt for scully, and mulder is saying she shouldn’t be hunted like a convict… but skinner says dude SHE FIRED FOUR ROUNDS AT YOU AND SOME RANDOM GUY last night!!!!

despite this, mulder insists that he can get her to listen to him if they just keep her safe; she’s suffering from some sort of paranoid psychosis. skinner is being quite patient as he tries to explain that the video tapes made her do it. skinner says well... you better find her before these guys do.

GASP!!! he’s putting up the x on his window! and doing that thing where he bounces his basketball because he cannot relax!!! stop i'm emotional!!!!!

the lone gunmen call to say they found something on the tape…. and it induces electrical activity…. MIND CONTROL???

but why wasn’t he effected?

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE’S RED-GREEN COLORBLIND???? THIS IS AN INSANE LORE DROP TO GIVE NEARLY 4 SEASONS IN??????

wait, is this just for plot purposes, or is DD actually colorblind and they decided to roll with it? because now i’m gonna be looking at all the red-ish things we see on screen (like his tie he is grabbing to emphasize his point) and wonder, can he see that? how does this impact his tie selection process....

okay that really threw me off guard. man, i was getting to think we'd never get another lore reveal, which is a shame because i quite like formatting those facts in that way. good to know we could get more at anytime!

he gets a phone call from maryland state police. the lone gunmen ask if she’s okay and he says no, he has to go and ID the body. WHAT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! he is trying to keep composed. holy fuck………..

(heavy breathing as i grab your shoulder and squeeze) hey man. hey. he was trying so hard to be strong.

so he pulls up to the morgue and stops before he gets out of the car, and holds his head above the wheel STOP I’LL CRY???? i’ll cry… what are they putting him through??? losing her again……..

(i mean i have SEEN gifs of scully in seasons past this one, so i know she's gonna pull through, but HE doesn't know that, and must be reliving the worst days of his life AGAIN, and aughhhhh!)

but the mystery guy from the start of the episode that give him the info on the muders pulls up and says get in right now!!!!!! mulder is furious, he says he’s busy. in a shocking display of insensitivity, mystery man says he does not give a fuck. mulder is yelling that this is all his fault. mystery man says “they” are destroying the evidence, and they’ll finish it by tomorrow if he keeps searching for her, but he kicks the door shut and ignores him.

(omg…. he loves her enough to break him out of his bloodhound mode… the dogged ahab-like quest for answers and revenge… i’m getting flashbacks to his conversation with missy in one breath…….. realizing he needs to put the ones he loves before his need for revenge sometimes..... wow)

so he walks into the morgue, and the dude in there says they found a body nude and shot in the forehead.

he closes his eyes to try and brace himself before taking a peek, to prepare to see her lifeless, probably reliving those many hours by her bedside when she was in the hospital, trying to imagine her shot in the forehead, the scully he knows and loves with her dry humor and her teasing smile and caffeine dependency, the her that is so full of life, lifeless…

but it isn’t her. PHEW!

despite this being good news that he has to share- she's not dead! her mother isn’t answering her phone…. so he goes to her house. and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, did she do something rash in her grief?

but mrs. scully answers the door and claims dana isn’t here. he bursts in and says he needs to see her right now. omg, he saw right through her lies.

(also, it always feels weird to refer to her as dana, but moving on)

NO!!!! she has him at gunpoint and says he’s here to kill him!!! poor guy looks so flabbergasted… and her mom is trying to get her to please put down the gun, and he’s trying to explain what is going on!!! he is so singularly locked into her…. 

“he’s lied to me from the beginning. he’s never trusted me” “scully, you are the only one i trust” AUGHHHHH (rips my clothes off of my body in biblical levels of grief) 

“you’re one of the people who abducted me” AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (rips off not only my clothing but also my hair as i experience emotions that rival what job from the bible went through)

she’s CRYING, and saying he killed her sister while her mom gets between him and the gun… and she’s saying she knows she’s safe here, that’s why she came here, and to put the gun down. and she falls into her mother’s arms sobbing. 

WHAAAAAAAAT. and he had to watch all that… oh my scully oh my goodness my poor scully…

timeskip a little bit. he shows up to the hospital where scully is with her mother, and mockingly puts his hands up in surrender, because he is so STUPID and he always has to make a joke, and i love him so terribly, so so so terribly, because he loves HER.

she's laying in the bed, and he shuts off the tv and asks how she’s feeling. she says she is ASHAMED- as if being a victim of mind control was a personal failing. scully, i want to yell, you have NO REASON to be ashamed, let me take all the shame from you and carry it elsewhere. she says it was like the world was turned upside down.

and he makes ANOTHER stupid joke about the world being out to get him, and now she knows how he feels-

before leaning in and explaining how joseph, the first murderer on this case, became convinced he was killing the bosnian war criminal who people called “the modern hitler”, which was especially important to him because both of his parents survived the holocaust. hence his line about the killing days being over!!!

and helene was scared her husband would cheat on her. so somehow the TV signal turned their worst fears into a living nightmare. 

OHHHH HER WORST NIGHTMARE IS HIM BETRAYING HER. HIM BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER GOING MISSING AND LOSING HER AUTONOMY AND MEMORIES... wails into my shirt. 

(this reminds me of that episode in s2- irresistible- when we learn her biggest fear is that humans are capable of terrible horrific things and grasping to trust despite that knowledge. we’re seeing that again right here. how uncertainty seeps in)

THEY CALL HIM THE CANCER MAN!!! wow very official canon recognition of the name (yeah it’s happened before but it happened again so that is cool) anyway she says she saw him giving cancer man the tapes and reporting.

he says that maybe cancer man was behind this, but then he whispers “why don’t you try and get some rest?” and there is something in me that melts so entirely as he leaves her to sleep.

(perhaps it is the fact that hurt/comfort and whump are my favorite tropes. because is there anything more intimate than letting someone see you at your most vulnerable, and them choosing to love you at it? is there any feeling more cutting than seeing your loved one suffer and knowing you’d stop the world for an instant of their relief? the terrible desperation of both parties, the wordless connection upon recovery, someone being the last thing you see before everything fades to black and then the first person you see when you return... yeah. it’s cathartic. but also it makes me want to yell and cry. pls give me all the hurt/comfort content)

so the doctor found high serotonin levels in her that maybe can be associated with mania, but now they’re back to normal. he asks if someone in her situation would be diagnosed with amphetamine abuse, and she says no. then he quickly calls the hospital where joseph is staying… what is he cooking in there…

he wants to talk to joseph's doctor, dr. stroman, who left behind only a number from the motel…. and he had JUST checked out…. so he’s going through his stuff. and asking about his calls. and he DOES find a cigarette in his room but a lot of people smoke so… try not to jump to conclusions juni… but the cigarettes mean one thing in this show!!! was this innocent-looking doctor behind such a cruel experiment?!

he calls and has the last number the doctor called get checked from the folks at the lab… so he goes to visit the place of residence and creepy music is playing. the dude from the cable company we saw before rolls up!!! he walks right inside the house, so mulder peeks inside. it seems the people in the house set up a trap of some sort, as they are talking about “him” showing up at 7.

he bursts in after hearing gunshots and both of the men in there are dead!!! shot in the head!!!!

who is there... but X???? X says he HAD to kill those men- he just hoped mulder would get them first. and oh, mulder is YELLING AT X!!! he is letting him HAVE IT!!! he says he is a coward, he was too scared to unveil the situation with the mind control TV murders himself….. he says X NEVER risks his own life, but he sure does make him risk mulder and scully’s.

OH! he is holding X at gunpoint. all X is saying is that he failed, and that mulder needs him. so he walks out, confident he won't pull the trigger. and he doesn't. 

WHAT! i need to kind of just let that sit for a second. i need to figure out this X fellow, but i get the sense i never will…. he failed… because he chose to try and save scully…….

cutscene to skinner’s office, where mulder is giving him a report. and scully walks in and says that dr. stroman DIED IN 1978!!! when skinner asks about the killer, mulder jumps in and says he remains unknown… oh, skinner is def gonna pick up on that….

so now we see X in a random back alley. getting into a car…. WITH CANCER MAN?????? X REPORTS TO CANCER MAN??? he asks if he has completed his work, and X reports that he has cleaned out all the personnel, everything is removed, but mulder still has a device. and mulder’s source has been eliminated. but the source’s source remains unknown. oh, he’s def lying through his teeth.

OOOOOOH this episode was SO good.

oh man, my brain is racing in a bunch of different directions. scully breaking down and sobbing into her mother’s arms…. scully convinced that mulder is a traitor, that he did those terrible things to her…. mulder so scared that she was gone, bouncing his basketball, getting a call from the police department that he had to go identify her… choosing her, even in what he thought was death, over following the Truth… the sick and twisted relationship he has with X, and X with Cancer Man, and Cancer Man with the world… it’s making me think of how mulder broke into his house that one time, was going to kill him over what he did to scully, and cancer man had the nerve to say he liked mulder… OOOH my brain is just racing racing racing. 

poor scully… how scared she was, how horrified afterward… 

other things that are on my mind, in no particular order: the bond between scully and her mother; mulder being all babygirl on that couch; mulder hopping on that bicycle and picking up some random doll from the murder victim's house; how haunting scully's voice was when she asked him over the phone where he was; their cola drinking; mrs. scully trusting mulder no matter what; how he tried to cover the grief in his voice when he told the lone gunmen he had to go identify her body; how he kicked the door shut of the mystery man, damning the investigation to pay his respects; how his head hovered above the wheel of the car before he got out to do that; how X uses and uses him to no clear end, and what is HE doing reporting to cig man, and what was that random doctor doing conducted fucked up experiments on random people; and scully's miraculously bad aim; mulder's conviction he could talk sense into her (spoiler: he could not); her shame at being convinced he had been the one who abducted her; how terrifying that must have been; and his stupid jokes when he walked into her hospital room, with the sincerity he tries so hard to outrun and outfox breaking through in his whispered why don't you get some rest?

so needless to say, i see why this one is a fan-favorite. this is certainly one i will be revisiting in the future when i need something strong. i have a million things to think over that will stick with me Forever, and i am in no rush to move on from this. in fact, i took these notes yesterday, but in the process of editing them tonight, i have decided i am not ready for the season finale and will have to save it for tomorrow because i'm still feeling So Many Things. so stay tuned to see how that goes, because whew!

[xf-cases-solved]

headcanon/fic idea where during the cancer arc, mulder is over at scully's place on a saturday morning going over a case file (that probably could have waited until monday, but he wanted to check on her, and scully knows that, and mulder knows that scully knows, but they both just keep it to themselves). and at one point, scully checks the time and sighs and says she needs to call and cancel her nail appointment for that afternoon, and when mulder asks her why, she says it's bc her dr prescribed her a new med and it's giving her slight double vision, and "it's a common side effect and it's temporary, but i don't want to drive until i adjust to it, and it's not worth it to pay for a cab just for a manicure"

and mulder is like, "i'm not doing anything today, i'll take you"

and obviously scully dismisses the offer, but he keeps insisting, and the truth of it is, with all the constant med adjustments and (occasionally gross) physical side effects of medication and just being sick in general, she hasn't felt particularly attractive in weeks, and while it's not like she is trying to impress anybody, she takes a lot of pride in her appearance and how she presents herself to the world, and her nails are so brittle and the polish has completely chipped away from her last manicure, and honestly, this one little thing, no matter how inconsequential, really would go a long way to making her feel more like herself

so she eventually relents (which pleasantly surprises mulder bc she is stubborn af)

on the way there she's already apologizing for how boring he'll probably find it -- how frivolous and feminine -- and "it shouldn't take too long, i'll tell her to skip the hand massage," and mulder is like, "if you tell her not to give you a hand massage i will hold you at gunpoint until you let her do it" bc he is NOT about to let her skip out on some self-care bc she's worried he'll be judging her for indulging in something "girly"

(he knows she constantly walks a fine line between expressing her femininity and keeping it to herself bc she's worried it will make her male peers view her less seriously)

her nail tech immediately asks if mulder is her husband, even tho she knows damn well he's not bc she asks him if she's found a man yet at every gd appointment, and when she says no, the nail tech is like, "why not? he's handsome and he took you to your appointment, he seems like good husband material"

(they side step out of the conversation, but she is painfully aware of mulder's smirk)

her nail tech asks mulder if he wants a manicure too, and scully thinks she's probably joking, but mulder is like "hell yeah," and scully feels like how she does when he talks about aliens with random cops and witnesses with a straight face -- like, a little embarrassed, but also in awe of his complete lack of giving a fuck

so they are seated side-by-side and get manicures at the same time

mulder doesn't get any polish, but he lets his nail tech shape his nails and apply cuticle oil and, yes, give him a hand massage

he and scully have a brief debate about her nail polish, bc she always gets a super light pink or just a glossy finish (bc anything bolder would feel like overindulging in her femininity and she doesn't want to give any of her misogynistic peers more ammo), but mulder is mercilessly persistent, saying shit like, "that peach color would look good on you" (it wouldn't, she thinks, she's too pale for it) or "that burgundy one would match the new dark lipstick you got a while ago," and she's sat there wondering when the fuck he noticed something as trivial as the shade of her lipstick, and does that mean he's paid attention to other aspects of her appearance? and if so, what does he think of them?

(eventually she lets him talk her into an insanely light shade of baby blue, mostly bc he said it would complement her eyes and she was too caught off guard to tell him to stuff it, and the nail tech makes another casual quip about how good of a husband he would be, and a teeny tiny voice in the back of her head that she can barely hear is saying, "yeah, actually, he would")

when they're finished, he slips the nail tech his credit card while she is searching for her wallet in her overcoat pocket, and he does not look remotely remorseful when she reprimands him, that bastard

in the car, she can't help laughing at the way he keeps checking out his nails, tilting them so the sunlight hits them through the window and he can see how uniform and shiny they are (his nail tech talked him into a clear top coat)

he offers to drive to the chinese restaurant a few blocks from the lincoln memorial, bc she mentioned to him two weeks ago that whenever she is too nauseous to want food, she can for some reason always stomach that restaurant's egg drop soup, and even tho she's not nauseous rn and has also eaten enough egg drop soup lately that it actually sounds a little abhorrent, she says yes anyway, bc she's so touched that he remembered that small detail

they end up getting an order to go (she orders a full entree of vegetable shrimp along with her soup, and the look of relief and delight on mulder's face when he realizes she has an appetite for once makes her blush)

they go back to her place and watch The Thing, and then a rerun of jeopardy (they're pretty evenly matched in terms of useless trivia knowledge, but the final jeopardy question is "this man is the only doctor in history to have a 300% mortality rate," and scully was saying "dr. liston !" before mulder had a chance to process how that was even possible)

she gets drowsy early (another side effect these days), and mulder is discreet in not pointing it out, and instead makes an excuse about needing to feed his fish so he should probably get going, and once again, they both know what he's doing, but they both keep it to themselves

she walks him to the door, and before he leaves, he takes her hand. she lets him raise it up beside her face, even tho she's not sure what he's doing, until he says, "yep, i was right, these make your eyes even prettier," and like ??? what is she supposed to do with THAT??

in the end she does nothing except let him kiss the tips of her fingers, right on the light blue polish, and then lets him kiss her on the forehead. (she tries not to think about where else she'd like him to kiss her, and fails miserably)

they part with shy goodbyes, and it's only in retrospect that she realizes she hadn't actually thanked him, not really

when she is dressed and ready for bed, she slides under the sheets and calls his cell

"mulder, it's me," and somehow he sounds delighted to hear from her, as if they hadn't just spent the entire day together

"i just wanted to thank you for today. i really needed it"

she isn't able to express her gratitude in full, bc that would require being emotionally vulnerable and she's not v good at that, but she suspects mulder hears what she isn't saying anyway

"anytime, scully," he says, and she knows he means it sincerely. "my hands are so soft, i might have to make this manicure thing a regular occurrence"

she laughs

"goodnight, mulder"

"goodnight, scully"

in the morning, the first thing she notices is the blue of her fingernail polish, and the warm feeling it gives her stays with her through breakfast and all the way through the afternoon

[thursdayinspace]

This moment in "Irrestible." She told him she's fine. He told her "If you're having trouble with this case, Scully, I want you to tell me." He told her "I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me." Back in Washington, she told Kosseff "I don't want him to know how much this is bothering me. I don't want him to think he has to protect me." This moment is such a turning point. She's not fine. She has to let herself need something for once. He offers, and she takes.

His fingers gently lifting up her chin, that is him repeating his earlier message: I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me. And her response isn't "I'm fine," this time. She has been through so much. Her responses aren't calculated. In this moment of vulnerability, she steps into him and accepts what he wants to give her. Partnership and support. Friendship. This isn't even about love. This is about needing something and trusting someone not to use it against you.

She does not have to hug him. She could turn away, walk away, try to hide how not okay she is. And if he were anyone else, she would walk away. But it's him. He's a safe place for her. And I believe if he had pushed her more, had tried to get her to admit how much this was getting to her, this hug wouldn't have happened. But she can lean on him now because he respected it when she wouldn't.

None of this is conscious, she's not weighing pros and cons in her head. This is instinctual. This is emotion overriding rationality. This is a very human response to something that shook her to her core. This is unfiltered. And when her walls can't stay in place, he invites her into his instead and she steps inside. And that is really, really big.

[randomfoggytiger]

The Evolution of Gillian Anderson's Friendship with David Duchovny

Early friendship:

He was an experienced actor when they started The X Files, she had been receiving unemployment benefit and had been in front of cameras only once before.

And she admits: "I desperately needed someone to show me the ropes and David did. He was wonderful."

There were rumours of a secret romance, which would have got them both fired on the spot. It is a strict studio rule that there will be no intimacy between the stars - off screen as well as on.

But Gillian did find love on The X Files, in the shape of assistant art director Clyde Klotz. And she did turn to Duchovny for advice after acting spontaneously on her wedding night, taking no precautions and finding herself pregnant.

She was horrified, believing she would get herself fired and ruin her career.

[“I went into his trailer,” she recalls, “and I said, ‘David, I’m pregnant.’ It looked like his knees buckled.... And he asked me if it was a good thing. I said, ‘Yeah, it is.’]

But her co-star, who was the only person she confided in apart from her husband, put Gillian's mind at ease.

He advised her not to have an abortion - that things would work out. And they did.

He kept her secret while Gillian thought things over for a month.

1995:

David Duchovny is not happy.....

Anderson, sensing Duchovny’s mood, looks down at his hand on her left shoulder and tries to brush it away, as if it were a mosquito. Then she turns and jumps into his arms, laughing, looking like a little girl making trouble for a protective older brother. Startled to be holding her, the smile on Duchovny’s face is forced no longer.

...“We really trust each other,” Duchovny says simply.

There is, between these two, a real-life camaraderie born of necessity, a friendship strong enough to survive too many work hours, and a chemistry powerful enough to rearrange the atoms on-screen. “Whenever we’re acting together,” says Anderson, “it’s there.”

1997:

But in real life, Duchovny and Anderson have a relationship as much a conundrum to outsiders as any X-File.

“We have a relationship that is completely odd and fabricated,” Duchovny says. “We’ve been thrown together, two people who don’t know each other, and we’ve been forced to spend more time together than married people do. So you can’t describe our relationship as ‘like’ or ‘dislike.’ ”

Sounds a little frosty.

“It is frosty,” Gillian Anderson agrees when she is read Duchovny’s description of their relationship. “But it’s accurate.” She laughs. “It’s not that we don’t like each other. It’s complicated.”

2008:

Question: Can you talk about getting back into these characters after a five or six year period?

David Duchovny: The first two weeks I felt a little awkward and I didn’t really feel like I wanted to do longer scenes. I was just fine running around. Then as soon as Gillian and I started working and it was Mulder and Scully, then I kind of remembered what it was all about and that relationship kind of anchored my performance just as I think the relationship anchors this film.

Shock: What’s that like with David now that you’re not with each other 16 hours a day on a series?

Anderson: It’s great, but it was great then, too. This is like a sibling relationship and I never had siblings.

What is your favourite thing about each other?

Duchovny: Gillian just doesn't give up.... She'll hang in there 'til we get it right.

Anderson: ...The easiest answer, I guess, is his sense of humour. He's always looking at the funny side of things, especially when he's around other actors who are comedians or funny themselves - it can turn into a bit of a contest to see who does the best impressions and such. But aside from that, there's a gentleness inside him that comes out every once in a while that is quite disarming and lovely. It's rare, but very nice.

2014:

Q: Was there a sense of almost a bunker mentality where you were at least going through this process with David? You mentioned he had more experience, he had done some bigger films but still the phenomenon that emerged within the first couple years was pretty remarkable. Did it help to have him there too and kind of like “Are you getting this too? Are you going through this too? Is this weird?” 

A: No. No, not really. We talk about the fact that it’s crazy that we didn’t. And that we didn’t take advantage of the fact that we had each other but it was complicated. These were long hours that we were working. We spent more time in each other’s presence than we did with our, you know, spouses and children, etc.

But also, you know, I think we p***ed each other off, quite frankly. And I have no doubt that after they’re waiting – we’re gonna roll and somebody has to come in and redo my lips and the difference between the maintenance for guys and gals and we’re shooting in all weather – you know, we never shut down except for one day for weather in the entire show.  We were shooting up in Vancouver through rain, sleet, everything. And my hair would frizz up to here in between takes and they’d have to get the blow dryer out under the tent and we’d be waiting for Gillian’s hair to do another take. You know, that p***es you right off. It adds up. So I, you know, I’m sure there were plenty of things he did that p***ed me off too. It just wasn’t, you know, but on the other hand.. NOW, we get to talk about that and we’re probably closer than we’ve ever been. 

2015:

Not surprisingly, she and Duchovny also became the story – according to the press, they were having an affair, hated each other or both. “I mean, yes, there were definitely periods when we hated each other.” She starts again. “Hate is too strong a word. We didn’t talk for long periods of time. It was intense, and we were both pains... for the other at various times.”

How was Duchovny a pain... for her? “Erm ...” Ten seconds pass without a word. Meanwhile, her smile gets wider and wider till it’s halfway up her cheeks. “I’m not going to get into it. I’m not even going to begin to get into that. But we are closer today than we ever have been.”

2016:

Anderson on working with Duchovny “Our relationship has definitely become a proper friendship over the last few years. I think we’re more on each other’s side. We’re more aware of the other’s needs, wants, concerns, and mindful to take those into consideration— and just sharing more about our experiences in the moment, under the sudden realization that we’re both in this together, and wouldn’t it be nice if it were a collaboration?”

2018:

They've worked together for 25 years but Gillian Anderson wants to make one thing clear: David Duchovny does NOT feature in her Ex Files.

While on screen their relationship left viewers wondering whether they would ever hook up romantically, Gillian says that off camera they were never very close.

In fact, she goes so far as to admit: "I don't know much about David Duchovny. If you asked me 10 things about him I'd probably get nine of them wrong."

...But now Gillian sets the record straight, saying: "We were never close. It's true we spent more time together than we have in any other relationship but it doesn't mean we were close.

"Very often when you're working long hours you may have a chit-chat between scenes but you're not really standing around talking about personal lives.

"And very often you don't have meals either at work or outside of work together because you're in each other's company all the time.

"So I actually don't know very much about David Duchovny, but we appreciate and respect each other."

2021:

Stella made a new friend today.

2023:

A huge congratulations to my old friend @davidduchovny on the world premiere of his film Bucky F***ing Dent @tribeca which he wrote, directed and stars in! A massive accomplishment and can’t wait to see it. (ps I’d say some of your prior writer / director gigs with me went pretty well and this was all just yesterday, right? 😉) #Tribeca2023

2024:

Awww Double D I’m so sorry. He was your guy. RIP Brick Duchovny

Lastly but not least,

a comment from David, 2024:

"My former X-Files costar Gillian Anderson and I are really good friends. ...When you share a seminal kind of experience in your life-- the huge success we had with that show-- only we know what it's like to be in the center of that. It's almost like being in the same family...."

[actual-changeling]

Y'know Scully needed to be pregnant during season 8 or she would have offed herself the second Mulder was dead and buried. Just leave the grave open, Skinner, she'll jump right after him and call it a day—same thing with their roles reversed.

There's only so much she can take, and finding Mulder dead in that field without a pregnancy giving her a reason to keep living would have been too much by a mile. She would have suffocated on the emptiness he left behind.

Even in canon, Skinner and her mom must have had one hell of a time taking care of her after the funeral 'cause i don't think Scully was particularly eager to go through her daily routines except to avoid not perishing on the spot.

While they were still searching for him, she was visibly numb to the world and lost the spark that had survived all the way through their numerous kidnappings, the cancer arc, Emily, Antarctica, weird brain diseases and stranded alien spaceships, and failed IVF.

No Mulder, no faith, no life. For them, it really is that simple.

And the thing is that we get used to seeing her like that! We know something is wrong, we know what is wrong—what is missing—but it only really hits you how much of a walking corpse she was once Mulder is breathing again.

Before his return, she wears exclusively dark, muted colours and high-collared shirts; a lot of the time, she's completely drowning in her black coat. Her cross necklace is invisible and hidden away, she solves cases and does her job, sure, yet there's no actual joy or excitement, no scientific wonder.

Without mulder, the x files are reduced to simply that: files. There's nothing to fight for without him.

This is the only Scully Doggett (and Reyes) get to know, their understanding of her and Mulder's relationship is based on rumours and stories, and what little they can extricate from Scully herself.

Then they find him, they bury him, they bring him back to life, and the SECOND she feels and sees him breathing, his heart beating, that spark roars back to life. There's more determination and liveliness in her eyes during this one conversation with Doggett than when some fucking cult whackos shove a worm up her spine and try to make her their worm god carrier.

But no matter what Mulder's chances are, the choice not to open up that grave was wrong.

You could have dropped her in front of his grave with nothing but her bare hands and a mission, and she would have dug him up and wished him back to the world of the living all by herself.

They're irrevocably bound together, they need each other not just to survive but to LIVE period, and god help anyone who comes between them.

[pagannatural]

2.07 The Usual Suspects

-Sam being interrogated about Dean is so so good because we get to see Sam being told that his brother is a scumbag criminal and the way he reacts by rolling his eyes like he’s heard this before. It’s almost like seeing a teenage version of Sam. The detective keeps telling him to throw Dean under the bus and the whole time he’s just giving attitude and plotting how to help Dean and work the case. He keeps looking out the window. Some of his reactions are raw and some are fake and some are both and his mind is running through his options assessing what to do and how to get out of this.

When confronted with the cliff notes on his and Dean’s life, Sam runs the gamut of emotion from sad and grief-stricken about Jessica to defending Dean and acting all scandalized to being a smartass, to whatever the hell this is when she says “it’s not your fault he’s your brother, we can’t pick our family”

The double meaning here. The not meeting her eyes, the tension on his face, the disdain. It’s giving Bitch don’t I fucking know it, yet I would choose him a thousand times and every time I would be a little bit miserable. “It’s not your fault he’s your brother, we can’t pick our [soul mates]” is probably what God tells him in his most comforting dreams.

-So the detective’s theory is what? That after a shared sordid serial killer childhood Sam escaped the life and then Dean murdered Sam’s girlfriend in a house fire to lure him back in and make him his crime wife?

Because I mean yeah I would read that AU. That fits their vibe pretty nicely.

-She says “Dean’s a bad guy….his life is over, yours doesn’t have to be” and Sam looks at her like that’s the dumbest thing he has ever heard.

She doesn’t know that they become sickly and depressed when they’re apart like a pair of bonded sewer kittens.

When she tells him he can get on with his life and Dean’s as good as gone you can almost see him tuning her out and calculating how to lie about this.

-Sam starts on his cover story, using his trademark Sweet-Innocent face. He relies on his charms and on appearing helpless to manipulate people into doing what he wants. He would’ve learned to do this when he was a child as a survival skill, and I can just imagine how well this complemented Dean’s tough but earnest seduction thing. Acting sweet and helpless when you’re actually savvy and resourceful is a trope commonly used in female characters. These traits (innocence, sweetness, feigned helplessness) are associated with women gaining/utilizing agency in the ways available to them.

Because narratively, Sam is the girl. It’s stuff like this, plus the way he’s depicted as Dean’s tempting damsel in distress in other episodes. It increases the sexual tension between Sam and Dean when they rely on these archetypes because we know what it means when two leads are masculine and feminine, when they need each other and the plot hinges on their conflict. It means they’re the love interests.

-Dean makes a joke about Sam being Scully, and Sam’s like I’m not Scully you’re Scully, and Dean says “No I’m Mulder. You’re a red headed woman.” Really spelling it out.

Dean is smirking and making prolonged eye contact and just— he’s flirting. There’s a Bruce Springsteen song titled “Red Headed Woman” about how “it takes a red headed woman to get a dirty job done.” I have no idea if this is what Dean’s referencing or if it’s just a Scully reference but it’s a very specific thing to say and Sam is brunette. The song is very suggestive.

-Dean HATES waiting around while Sam works. Within seconds he becomes insufferable and has to leave to go do something, flirting with Sam again on his way out.

-“Sam’s story matches Dean’s to the last detail” they didn’t even SEE each other before talking to police! They’re just so connected that they tell the same exact story. Then they both work on the case in their separate interrogation rooms using different methods and arrive at the same conclusion at the same time. They also make the same joke about their public defender.

-I keep seeing this post about who knew Dean better, Sam or Castiel, and I just want to point out that these two are so in sync they can essentially read each others minds.

-We have an outsider perspective on their lives and relationship a few times this episode, and the detectives comment more than once on how weirdly connected the brothers are. Like, Dean communicates to Sam via movie reference to escape and Sam is already all over that, he’s been assessing how to climb out the window since his first scene.

-Dean tells the detective to go to Sam so that Sam can save her life, giving her their info on “how we find each other when we’re separated.” That’s very practical. It’s also true that when they aren’t together they are obsessed with finding each other and making sure they know exactly where the other is at all times. They must have felt so untethered when Sam was at Stanford. I’m imagining Sam going on a little trip over spring break and feeling like he’s forgetting something really important and starting to panic only to realize it’s just that Dean won’t know where he is.

[is-on-its-way]

I have heard the whispers on reddit for a while about how Chris Carter kept the script from GA until the very last minute and how he let Duchovny read it before her. And I have always been skeptical because, like, who would be that much of a high school type bully?

Im sad to say after a solid trek through the wayback machine and a ton of broken links I found it. Please excuse the retelling of old news, I just got here...

The same old will they won't they nonsense masquerading as pseudo intellectual pretension. It would've been less invasive to the plot to just have them be an old married couple.

Imagine watching Gillian Anderson act out that final scene like she was hanging on to the last thread of her sanity and thinking, these two people are more emotionally connected than ever because Ive impregnanted a 53 year old and yeeted the son she's been traumatised about for 20 years?

sooo? they got back together because in retirement and old age they needed a caretaker? Oh thats not...

ah yes the pillow talk where Scully worries Mulder would leave her for a younger fertile woman. BROTHER EUUUGH

This is insane. it's just absolutely insane. it's downright bullying. letting DD read it but keeping GA in the dark bc he knew she'd have issues with it. not trusting Gillian Freaking Anderson to know how to act. No you know what? Knowing your script is so corrupt a world class one in a million actor wouldn't be able to act this out without being able to hide her simmering rage if she had a chance to internalise it.

Im not so unbiased that I can't give him props for this one. Its so sad he couldn't let go of the same plot hes regurgitated over and over and made that the overarching plot of the revival bc it could've been epic.

Link for the whole thing

[spirits-n-giggles]

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice HOT take:

Where are all my monster fuckers at?!?!?!

Who knew Betlegeuse had a heart? I mean yeah he tried to contract Lydia to marry him AGAIN, but the only deal they had was to save her daughter. He didn't have to bring Delia back for a goodbye, he didn't have to make Rory tell the truth, and.... HE was the one to have her sign the contract, but still broke the contract rules to help her out? Hmmmm....

Sure we can assume he's just connonically stupid and didn't bother to read the fine print - he didn't exactly have the most smarts when he was alive so take with that what you will. (EDIT: But I absolutely would argue that Betelgeuse has been burned at least once before when not reading the fine print on a marriage contract and I can see him rigorously knowing every single word in the one he made for Lydia since he's clearly had a thing for her for some time.)

Oh yeah, he's definitely the same sleazy, horny, rotted nasty ass as before, but now he's Lydia's sleazy, horny, rotted nasty ass, and I'm here for it!! 🖤💚 If you ask me, this movie was the start of their actual terribly beautiful relationship (give or take the musical and the TV show lol they can all fit together if we really wanted them to. It's called having an imagination.)

Plus, I love me a good old-fashioned contractual marriage plot. I might have seen one too many k-dramas but those are always the most fun and cononically, I see Lydia and Betlegeuse as more of a partnership marriage anyway where she uses her power to solve whodunit mysteries in the living world or some shit, and she works with BJ to get shit done - like the cartoon 90s show. I see it as a Scully and Mulder situation where - Lydia does actually love BJ (and even be into him), but she will never admit it.... until later. Now I just need a good slow burn.

Honestly, cononically she's most likely gonna die and they're gonna get together in the afterlife and no one can tell me otherwise!

There are definitely antis for this couple isn't there? Aaahhh~~ yes, I can smell their cheeto-covered fingers and day-old red bull breath as we speak. 🤌

[pennyserenade]

thinking about mulder and scully and how gentle he was with her when she was lying there in the hospital dying. he walked into the room with a wide grin and held her hand and kissed her cheek, and spoke to her in hushed, conspiratorial tones, and everything was life or death but it was so quiet, so unimportant, as he sat by her side and looked at her. mulder looked as happy as he’d ever been, sitting there with her, and it wasn’t because he was; he wasn’t. he knew that she was dying, that they were coming upon the moment when she was no longer going to be with him sooner rather than later, and he was crushed by the weight of it, by the impossibility of it. when he came to see her again and she was sleeping, looking pallid and defeated, he slumped against her bed and cried on his knees in the dark—quiet, body wracking sobs she never knew about, because he never wanted her to know how weak her being weak made him. with the weight of impending death, mulder gave scully the most of life, all that he wished she could’ve received but hadn’t: that coddling, that affection, the beautiful mundaneness of domestic bliss. he listened to her—really listened to her. and he really loved her, loved her like a husband, or a boyfriend, loved her the way a better man would’ve.

and then when scully got better, when the cloud of death evaporated and she appeared before him with color in her cheeks and flirtation on her tongue, he took it back. gone were the days of all that soft love and affection and back was the mulder and scully of old. he sidetracked their team bonding workshop, pointedly ignored the glaring fact that scully agreed he needed to work on his communication, and got them stranded in the depths of the floridian forest. even better, he let her coddle him, let her hold him close to her chest and made her sing him a song as they shivered through the night and watched out for monsters that could kill them, because he couldn’t handle it. the idea of being anything to scully other than what he had been before — a nuisance, a challenge, a partner — terrified him so badly he went into overdrive trying to reinforce those uncomplicated roles again. it wasn’t that he didn’t love her. he did — he loved her to the point of insanity, to the point of self destruction (something she so worried about). he just didn’t know how to love scully when it wasn’t dire. he loved her so much that he could not stand the idea of failing her with anything inadequate and half baked. he was glad to give it to her when it was dire, but when it came to life long devotion, he needed a few more years.

[deathsbestgirl]

if you think scully was just 'putting up with' mulder, you need to rewatch little green men & the host. like. she loves him. he's her best friend. when he didn't see her in the hallway she was so concerned, she set up a secret meeting with their little signal and she tried so hard to talk him into being himself. she was so relieved when he made a joke, so touched when he said "i learned that from you" but also maybe even more concerned. and in the end when she says "you still have nothing" she's heartbroken. and then !!! he says "i've still got you" she's just as important as "his work" even if they can't say that outright just yet. she's still there on what he cares about, what's important, what he's determined not to lose.

they aren't partners anymore but she makes sure he knows she's there. she will do all the autopsies, she will talk out the cases. they can still have their debates & banter and all is not lost. and he gets the message! he lets her back in. because yes, he needs her but she needs him too. she wasn't going to give up and how could he deny her? they're so pure. they just love each other so much. they care so much about each other and the work and the world.

scully may not believe what he believes, but she knows he's onto something important. and after e.b.e. they are so together on that. they make the people following them run in circles trying to keep up with them, leaving false trails. it's mulder & scully against the world (for the world) and they can only trust each other.

(side note: i truly think scully is a very trusting person. she had a much better childhood & connection to her parents, she learned it was safe to trust. and when she learned those hard lessons, she's the one who doubles down on "trust no one" and even more so when she understands how trusting mulder really is, how it hurts him in the end. so she distrusts for the both of them. she's more skeptical. until he's gone and she has no one to trust, and she trusts skinner, doggett, reyes, the gunmen. but it's still only to an extent. she never tells any of them everything.)

[aloysiavirgata]

Fisher King prompt: dark crescendoing to light. Daniel Waterson and his baggage come back into her now-married life; maybe by way of the autopsy table. A dark case comes across Mulder’s desk. You pick. A happy surprise at the end to bring them both out of it?

Thanks, lady.

It is the dead nurse that catches his attention. Two days back from his honeymoon, attaboys and filthy jokes and cigars and a stack of manila folders on his dust-rimed desk.

Pendrell whistles when he sees Mulder, makes a predictable playing-doctor joke. He leers as though it obscures the soulful puppy wetness of his face. As though he hasn’t noticed Dana at crime scenes before, the autumn bonfire of her hair. Her tourmaline eyes.

Mulder thumbs the band on his left ring finger, spins it a little in the cool morning light. Flips them all off with good-natured grouchiness as he makes his way to the elevator. He thinks it might be fun to be an old man, to listen to the slap of his bedroom slippers on the grocery store linoleum.

The air in his office smells like cardboard boxes, like ghosts of lo mein and forgotten pizza. Copier toner. Pencil shavings.

His wife says, “Honestly, Mulder,” and makes chicken sandwiches from dinner leftovers, makes him salads with salmon and almonds and avocados and says he needs to gain eight pounds. He’s taken to her demands like a stray cat adjusting to life indoors. He’s growing glossy and sleek, full of essential amino acids.

Full of life.

***

There is no congestion in any of the organs. No petechiae in her eyes, no blood clots in the fragile slices of brain. Lips, mouth, esophagus free of corrosion, not an aneurysm the size of a poppy seed. The bruises and claw marks on her gray throat are her own doing. There are over a dozen witnesses.

Her nails are clotted with her own crumpled skin.

Dana pokes her finger into the aorta, sniffs the dead, butcher-shop air of Ludovica’s mouth. She prods at the lungs and hunts for lesions and surfactant. The nurse’s stomach contains a half-digested bagel and tuna salad. The muscular walls are in the very pink of health. She has lungs like freshly chewed bubblegum.

Dana huffs a strand of hair off her lip. She does not want to call him.

***

“What killed her?” Mulder asks, around a mouthful leftover quiche. God it’s good. She caramelized the onions, used two semesters of organic chemistry on the pastry and can declaim on the Maillard Reaction in a voice fit for Showtime.

“I’m working on it,” his wife says, brisk. “Thus far it seems to be nothing, which is a bit of a problem, medically speaking.”

“How embarrassing,” Mulder says, hunting around for another chunk of broccoli. “To die of nothing. You talk to this Waterston chappie yet?

Silence.

“Dr. Scully?”

A sigh.

Mulder’s brow furrows. “Dana Katherine, what gives?”

She sighs again. “You remember that med school professor I told you about? Funny story…”

***

He gazes at her the way tourists gawp at the Mona Lisa; not with a particular appreciation, just a bit awed that they can check it off their bucket lists.

Twice, for Daniel. A certain chumminess. A hint of inside jokes and favorite restaurants and that-lovely-inn-we-stayed-at. Of possessiveness. Territoriality.

Mulder shakes his head, just a twitch. Just enough to clear Daniel’s smug carnal knowledge of his wife away. Mulder’s fucked people’s daughters as well. People’s wives. There was one at Oxford, Honora, her husband a full professor and he -

Mulder doesn’t say this. He doesn’t say anything as Daniel stares at his Rossetti wife, undoubtedly thinks about the determined twitch of her twenty-one year old ponytail and her scuffed Keds and her slipshod Navy brat graces and her body like Artemis bathing by moonlight.

But Daniel’s alone and Mulder isn’t.

Dana isn’t alone either because, against all reason and karma, she’s married him, married Fox Mulder, like it was an absolutely sane thing to do, and her family simply went along with it.

“Tell me what you saw,” says Mulder, with the gentle absolution of a priest. “No judgement here,” he lies. She was hardly more than a girl, she was an innocent, she trusted you, you fucking asshole, you predator, you-

Daniel looks at Dana. Looks down at his surgeon’s hands. No ring on any of his fingers.

Daniel closes his eyes and looks at nothing.

“We began a midline sternotomy, absolutely routine, Suddenly Ludovica - Nurse Giordano - grabbed her throat and said she couldn’t breathe. She…she screamed Diavola! Said there was sulfur, said it was mustard gas, but none of the rest of us smelled a damn thing. But she was thrashing on the floor of the OR and our patient was-“

He looks around then, catches Dana’s eye, shyness in his expression. Shyness in his fatherly face. Dana had looked up at it for approval, no doubt. In what she probably thought was passion. Maybe even love.

Dana nods encouragingly and Mulder feels it then, the weight of years. He understands in that moment that time really is the fourth dimension; that it has a hot, heavy plasticity into which you can sink. He understands the realness of an event horizon, that they are all being pulled towards the unfinished thing between Daniel and his wife, Ludovica Giordano’s corpse included.

His wife was a physics major, his wife rewrote Einstein with the ebullient narcissism of the young.

He understands that his wife and Daniel speak the same primal, arcane language of science. He is a lowly psychologist, the major you pick when you can’t get into dental school but still want to Help Others.

Kepler’s Third Law tells us that intensity equals the inverse of the square of the distance from the source.

And he’s brought Daniel back into her orbit.

***

“I can’t believe you fucked him,” Mulder gasps into her tender seashell ear. An inch from her extraordinary brain.

“I was a child,” she hisses back. “Essentially. Don’t stop, Christ, don’t - I was a child, I-“

She was, she was, she was Eos newly born, she was radiant and young, she was Persephone to Daniel’s Hades, she was fresh milk at Ostara, and a sunrise over the Atlantic.

“Did you love him?”

Her thighs so taut and pale and quivering. Her wedding dress, her misty veil. Her palimpsest skin, on which he can rewrite himself.

“I thought I did but but it wasn’t this, it was never this, it was never you, I-“

Mulder comes in her, groaning, feels the tiniest sting of shame at how good it is to reclaim her from this other man.

***

“Dana,” Daniel says, heavy-tongued for Mulder’s consecrated, Catholic wife. He is hard; he shifts in the uncomfortable chair.

Mulder knows and Dana knows and the air is thick with this knowledge but strangely not unpleasant. The air is July just before a thunderstorm. The air is dense and verging. Primal, fecund, cataclysmic.

Hot.

Green.

Alive.

The air tastes like a 9-volt battery. He wants to put a baby into his wife.

“You were there,” Mulder says, his buckskin hands woven and laced. “What did you see?”

Daniel looks at Dana, Daniel is here for Dana, because he believes she is cold and lonely and alone in the way of the outer planets. He still thinks only he can warm her.

(He doesn’t know, Daniel, not really, that there is a solid core beneath the icy mist.)

She’s too distant and abstruse and Daniel doesn’t know.

***

Daniel smirks at Mulder, this old man who felt briefly alive in the hot juncture of his wife’s thighs; smirks as though he’s done anything real at all. They view the human heart so differently, he and Daniel.

Dana - Dr. Scully - rests her palms against her sharp tweed knee. She only wants to know what stops any human heart from beating. What shuts the brain down, from prefrontal cortex in a cascade to the lowly lizard stem.

“What did you see, Daniel?” She is poised and tensed. She is waiting. She is untouchable.

Mulder - Fox - is disarmed by the chill of her haughty face. Her Plutonian eyes are so very, very cold . So very, very far.

Ice could never be so warm.

***

“‘Maggie,” he breathes, into her amber light. Into her aura, in her husband’s office, after Mulder went out for their lunch order.

“No,” Dana says. “I don’t care. Tell me about the nurse.”

Daniel huffs. “I don’t know, it was nothing, Dana, Maggie said-“

“I don’t care,” Dana says, crisp. “I don’t care about your daughter. You certainly didn’t, when you brought me to your bed.

Daniel is appalled. “Dana, you were-“

“I know what I was,” she replies. “I knew what I was doing and I don’t regret it, not really. But I didn’t understand what you were, not then. And you should regret me, Daniel.”

He looks at her, his brows drawn.

He looks away, back through the years. Dana, all sharpened Ticonderogas and her mouth an unplucked apricot. Skin like fresh-churned butter.

“She was…she was gasping,” he says to the wall of of clippings. To the Flatwoods Monster and wendigos and little lost girls and stills from the Zapruder Footage. “She was clawing at her throat, she…diavola.”

Diavola.

Daniel looks at the ceiling. “She clawed her throat to ribbons,” he says. “She said our patient was full of demons, she said…” He shakes his head and looks at Dana again.

Dana knows. Dana has seen. Has read and wondered and wondered, considered the Gerasene demoniac in the synoptic gospels. Tooms at her belly on the chilly tile of her bathroom…

It will do no good. Whatever her husband says, the truth is not always a panacea. The patient has lived and Ludovica has died and all anyone wants is official paper with Dana’s name at the bottom.

A reckoning, now. A choice.

“Anaphylaxis?” Dana murmurs, in the perfume and cashmere of a different rich man’s wife. She puts a little throatiness in her voice now, like she did after Dr. Waterston spoke to her in private about Starling’s Law. She can give him this. She can give Ludovica’s family this.

Diavola.

Mulder is right, Mulder is almost always right. But Mulder is right in his own time and Ludovica’s family needs her home.

Daniel catches the lifeline she throws, grateful.

Humbled.

Daniel, when his gaze returns, is a bit smaller in her eyes. “Yes,” he says. “It must have been.”

***

They’re eating dinner at the Peruvian chicken place on the corner because Dana is hollow and Mulder has moderately weaponized his own culinary incompetence.

“Ansel died today,” she says, poking at her rice.

Mulder nearly chokes on a mouthful of black beans. “What?!”

“Died. Massive coronary at his desk. Dead within seconds.”

Mulder gapes. Ansel Jordan, Chief Medical Examiner in DC; the alpha and omega of the unexpectedly dead in the District. “He ran marathons.”

Dana nods into the middle distance. “He ran marathons. He had a treadmill in his office. He was 57 and he was my boss and I split his chest apart with a Stryker before his body had even cooled this morning. My god, I forgot what warm tissue feels like.”

She looks up with her wide, delphinium eyes. “They asked me, Mulder.”

They asked? He is appalled. “They asked you to autopsy him? That’s really fu-“

She shakes her head. “No, nobody asked me that. No one would ever. I volunteered, it was the right thing to do, for my colleagues. For Ansel. We were hardly close but I had tremendous respect for the man.”

Ansel was a runner. He ate well and drank in moderation. He cared for his body like a classic car; starting to slow down but with lots of miles left.

The human body is strange and unpredictable.

“Are you okay?” How do you cut open a man you know? He cannot believe she didn’t call this morning but also of course she didn’t call this morning. She is an eternal riddle, a beautiful enigma.

“I’m surprisingly fine,” she says. “I mean, it’s horrible and pointless and tragic. But the process of an autopsy…it soothed me. I knew what to do and there was a…a checklist.”

He smiles, soft. “You’re always a doctor first.”

Dana shrugs, fluid and dismissive. “I guess.”

He realizes then, awed. Adoring. “They want you to… to step in, to be Chief. Dana, that’s incredible, that’s a huge honor. I’m sorry it’s come at the cost of Ansel, but Christ. It’s tremendous.”

He will never achieve this in his own career and is delighted that she can.

Dana nods slowly, a blush creeping up her fine, pale cheeks. She spears a plantain and examines it on the end of her fork. “It’s obviously not a formal offer yet, my god, he’s only just been released to the family, but yes. It’s tremendous.” She bites into the plantain.

He thinks back to that feeling of wanting a baby, wanting her to have it, and knows that the new Chief Medical Examiner of DC will have other pressures, other concerns.

She’s expressed interest in babies in a vague sort of way, but doesn’t want them like he does. Dana grew up with hand-me-downs and home haircuts and spaghetti the last week of every month. She knows that babies grow into scraped-kneed children who need lunch money and trombones and French tutors and football uniforms.

He’s rich enough for it all, for night nurses and nannies, but he knows her body is not a rental property. He wants a baby, he does, but he also doesn’t care if it means this for her. He doesn’t care if her star can rise.

“I love you,” he says, raising his plastic cup of horchata. “And I’m so goddamn sorry about Ansel.”

She lifts hers back, his wife, her old-master face and her slapdash smile. “Thank you,” she says, still pained. “And slaínte.”

“L’chaim,” he replies. To life.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

i still cannot believe that people actually read my posts. case in point: i got this notification (from @tumblemumbler, thank you) and laughed until there were tears.

it's true: i want to take fox mulder to the zoo. i'm guilty as charged. i wanna point at some lions and be like "woah", and see if he thinks the lions are amazing, or if he tries to play it cool and deny that sense of wonder you get from seeing a magnificent beast. is it so wrong to want to take a full grown man out to see the Creatures, and then watch him enjoy the gift shop.......? to find a nice little novelty tie with the funniest animal from the day on it...? to say, hey fictional man, let's put aside that decades long quest for answers on the existence of aliens, and marvel at some otters splashing about... now wouldn't that be lovely?

[fringephile]

So I just watched Fire today which is normally one I'd avoid because watching Mulder kiss someone else is just painful. But today I saw it with new eyes.

Phoebe comes back to mess with him cause clearly she's a bitch. His first instinct is to protect Scully from her evil games. He tells her he has to face his demons sometime. Scully sticks by him anyway, having to fight off some jealousy at his stupidity while dancing. Then she still rushes to his side and proceeds to take care of his boxer clad self in his hotel room.

Random side note when she calls him Sherlock he refers to her as Watson which just made my heart melt all over the floor.

Anyway, I want to believe it's Scully's faith in him and partnership that helps him face his demons in the end. She gives him the strength, cause that's just what they are for each other.

Now I need to read a fic from Phoebe's POV where she comes back thinking she will mess with his emotions and while he lets her do some things she can tell his heart already truly belongs to Scully.

I don't have pretty words just jumbled thoughts that I can't type fast enough.

[thursdayinspace]

does anyone else ever see a breath of relief in here? from scully? the way she just lets go. she was determined to leave, to walk away from him, and here she is taking a step in the opposite direction, steps right into him instead. she saw a wall between them, and he opens a door for her, and the way she steps right through it looks almost like someone coming home after a long and exhausting day.

everything he just told her -- she really didn't know. she had convinced herself that he didn't need her. and here he is telling her what she means to him, that he does need her. that she made him a complete person. and when she takes that step towards him he wraps his arms around her and holds her so close. that is not just a *please don't leave me* hug. that is an *i love you* hug. that is an *i can't believe you didn't know how much i need you* hug.

and she doesn't really *step* into the hug, she doesn't fall into it either. she doesn't melt into it. she lets go. she stops fighting. she exhales into it. it *has* been a long day for her. it has been a long few weeks or months for her. she is hanging on by a thread, she is being held together by rubber bands stretched to their absolute limit.

he gives her the words he couldn't say before, and her defenses fall, the tension on those rubber bands eases, and everything she's been trying to bury deep in her heart spills over. whether she thinks it's a smart idea or not, she loves him, utterly and completely, and he asked her to stay, told her how vitally important she is to him. his words, the urgency in his voice, the look in his eyes begging her to believe him -- she needed that, and she needed him, and she needed him to love her. and he does. their partnership means as much to him as it does to her. she means as much to him as he does to her. and besides so many other emotions she is feeling here, there is that breath of relief. she doesn't have to lose him.

and in true scully fashion, the relief with which she steps into that hug is her non-verbal response to his words. she mirrors them back to him with her face pressed into his chest. and there is relief in the way he hugs her too.

[randomfoggytiger]

"My Touchstone": the Turning Point

Dedicated to the anon who asked:

I would love to hear your thoughts on how the “touchstone” conversation changed Mulder and Scully’s relationship. Was it this scene that propelled them into a romantic relationship?

To answer that question, I have to back up a bit to Fight the Future. Actually, let's back up even further-- to the cancer arc-- so we can get a clearer picture of the relationship between these two Avoidants (post here.)

FORWARD AND BACKWARD

Mulder realizes the extent of his feelings for Scully in Memento Mori.

I posit Scully's already known her feelings since at least early Season 2; but her temperament leads her to suppress, rather than express, emotional wants or needs. Never Again (posts here and here) was the result of both Season 3's on-and-off jealousy and Mulder's avoidance of a normal life (Home, post here) and search for his tragic soulmate (The Field Where I Died.) Because of this, Scully tries to pinpoint and grapple with her "endless line", realizing-- too late-- that she wanted recognition (and more) from Mulder (as spelled out in the script, here.) Mulder realizes this, too, and lets the matter drop.

For Scully, it's advantageous to keep everything unsaid, largely because Mulder isn't ready... for anything, really (as discussed in the Home post linked above, and demonstrated by this clip.) Everything he's been drawn to or attracted by has an ephemeral, fleeting resemblance to some other normalcy he craves (post here)-- but has never, ever lasted. Except Scully.

So, Mulder realizes his feelings, Scully escapes cancer by the skin of her teeth, and we arrive at Detour... where he runs from the motel, chasing after his monster case.

Some read this moment as Mulder realizing and dodging Scully's intentions, others that he was completely blind to her intentions. I file it as the latter; but we also have ample evidence of Mulder noticing Scully's actions briefly before losing focus in favor of another tantalizing mystery (ex. the beginning of The Unnatural.) He misses the forest for the trees in his personal life-- or rather, he doesn't see the value in fixating on it beyond a few superficial check-ins here and there (we'll get to that.) Scully's always by his side, they have the work, he wants answers, why change? It's the same question he asks her in other contexts (ex. "Why now? Why Boggs?" in Beyond the Sea.)

Season 5 continues. It's a rough year for Mulder (post here.) And for Scully: The End is another episode on a pile of episodes where she feels she's "failed" Mulder, leading to her dispirited goodbye in FTF.

Thus, we arrive at Fight the Future: the moment that forces Mulder to make a confession or lose Scully. To him, her importance was never in question; but the hard part is admitting how broken he feels without her. He was afraid to do more in their partnership because... what would happen if things changed? His fear is rooted in the "What if?", and holds him back from a course of action. Scully's fear is rooted in "Did I choose right?", and manifests after she decides on a course of action (A Christmas Carol's doubts after joining the FBI, Never Again after four years in, all things after the Season of Secret Sex, etc.)

Despite the good that came from his hallway, Mulder's greatest fear is realized when Scully nearly dies after he confesses he needs her. This kicks him into retreat mode (post here)-- "go be a doctor", he tells her. It's Scully who says, "I can't", and clings to his hand, who refuses to give up. That is important, because it's another example of how reliant on Scully Mulder is, to the detriment of his own growth, at times.

Mulder takes her words to mean that Scully is unflinchingly by his side-- which is true. What isn't is his next assumption: that they're on the same page.

They're not, really.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SEASON 6

In The Beginning, Scully hasn't felt the need to change-- she's a scientist, she needs proof-- but she hasn't confronted and overcome her unnecessary doubts, either. Mulder, meanwhile, demonstrates he hasn't changed, either-- and, more importantly, how far removed he is still if from a functioning relationship... as Scully suspected. Hurt that she didn't back him up before their superiors-- which resulted in them losing the files-- he hides behind frustration and anger. Scully feels rejected, and lo and behold! Diana appears; and wins back some ground with Mulder while Scully loses Gibson Praise. By the end of the episode, Mulder doesn't want to cosign to Scully's theory because her science, he thinks, betrayed them before. And lo and behold! It kind of did. But it didn't this time, when it's too late.

Where does that place them early Season 6? As an enclosed unit, with Mulder pillaging the basement-- without consulting Diana-- and sneaking off on his own or taking Scully with him on his misadventures. For all that could be wrong between them, a lot is still right; and both put in the effort to include and watch out for the each other.

Then Two Fathers and One Son (posts here, here, and here) shakes them apart: Mulder doesn't want to believe yet another ally is using and manipulating him; but gives in and goes to investigate Diana when Scully threatens to walk if he doesn't listen to her. He's speared in the Achilles Heel, however-- fatalism in the face of the inevitable-- and almost gives up completely before Scully yells him back from the brink. This happens again in Amor Fati; but he finally learns his lesson there. Scully is visibly angry with him at the end of the episode... and then we have the next few episodes as if nothing happened.

Agua Mala completely resolves their festering from One Son (yes, it's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it resolution; and, yes, I need to sit down and write that out sometime) and propels them into their old-- dare I say, lighthearted-- routine and banter (i.e. Monday, Arcadia, etc.)

An important side note: To accurately place where Mulder and Scully were romantically during this period, we have to figure out if there was lingering tension post One Son. The facts simply don't support that narrative. We see in Arcadia that Scully was enjoying herself at first-- only brushing Mulder off initially when he used her as part of his schmaltzy facade (during their arrival)-- until her partner began poking at her, too (posts here), to maintain distance between them (post here.) We see in Alpha (posts here) that their banter was fun and lighthearted until she found out Mulder kept information relevant to that case from her; and that that information was yet another woman he wanted her to trust without question because he did. (Regardless, she still looked out for his best interests and sympathized with him after Karin's death.) We are shown in Milagro (posts here) that her tops are dropping lower and lower in an unconscious desire to grab Mulder's attention; but more importantly, that Mulder still hasn't considered her in all the ways Dana Katherine Scully exists. Yet, tension only arises when Scully feels overlooked, not displaced-- a creeping of her old assumptions and Mulder's missed signals in Never Again 2.0, not a minimization of her value ala One Son. We see in The Unnatural that she's survived Padgett and is setting subtlety aside for the first time in their relationship; so no tension there at all.

In short, we see Scully moving on and wanting Mulder to move on with her, too... and Mulder either not getting the hint outright (the beginning of Arcadia and Milagro), or getting distracted by the next shiny case instead, despite her efforts (Alpha, The Unnatural.)

The Unnatural: stage one of Mulder's mature development (and you can thank David Duchovny for each of these stages, by the way.) I.e. Detour with unmistakably romantic overtures, in case Mulder missed them the first time (which seems to be a pattern for Scully: near death, survival, resolution, and overtures.) Mulder would have to be thick to miss her obvious flirting, but he still loses himself in another x-file and runs off to badger Arthur Dales about it-- meaning, at this point, Scully has his attention, but not his full attention. Scully takes this as a matter of course-- because that's how Mulder's been from Season 1 (i.e. The Jersey Devil's "Unlike you, Mulder, I would like to have a life"/"I have a life.") However, Mulder finally learns "the mystery of the heart"; and decides to test this out with Scully on the baseball field. It's a small, small, small step because he's not used to this "normal", this appreciation for small, perhaps insignificant things. More to the point, he's probably afraid to do more-- was afraid she wouldn't even show up, per his expression; and will be afraid to follow-up, per his actions in Amor Fati and Millennium. But he did it; and Scully knew what Mulder was meaning to demonstrate ("Shut up, Mulder, I'm playing baseball.), as Duchovny intended.

So, where does that take us? The IVF arc, of course (post here.) It's a failure, splat (or not a part of some fans' canon); and that keeps up moving rapidly along to the next beat in their relationship.

Field Trip. Oh, boy. Field Trip: the episode that prepares both agents for the foundational upheaval of the Biogenesis-Amor Fati arc. Scully can't solely rely on her pat scientific rationalizations; and Mulder doesn't trust her blind loyalty and belief. And both are undeniably coded as a couple throughout their "trip." The main takeaway from this experience is that they doubt themselves more than they doubt each other; and their doubts in each other pale in comparison to their unshakeable trust.

MY TOUCHSTONE

That leads us neatly to Biogenesis-Amor Fati... which we shall mostly skip for brevity's sake, as this arc accomplishes very little (despite its exorbitant screen time.)

Diana shows up, but has to admit Mulder has been asking for Scully "since last night." The barb doesn't land for Scully (while the implication highly amuses Skinner, post here); and after their resolution in Season 6-- Milagro and The Unnatural and the IVF arc and, most recently, Field Trip-- she remains unshaken in her conviction of Mulder's loyalty. She flies to Africa, touches the baby-restorer ship, and accomplishes... very little before flying back and finding out Tena has turned her son over to CSM.

Mulder, meanwhile, is stuck in dreamland. @cecilysass wrote an incredible post on the topic here; and @jaspertedd and @deathsbestgirl's theories-- that Mulder's dreams are influenced by those around him (post here)-- are interesting and pertinent additions. If true, that speaks to a deeper hole in Mulder's psyche he's yet to repair: doubting himself so much so that the influence of others takes precedence over his conscience. We've seen that before many times (one of which is Diana's manipulation in One Son, another of which was CSM's temptation in Redux II); but in each case, it was Scully-- a stronger moral barometer-- that kept him back or influenced his courage in the right direction. Mulder doesn't need to borrow her conscience, just her strength to act on his own.

"You were my constant, my touchstone"/"And you are mine" speaks volumes about where these characters are.

Mulder needed to accurately see that a life, a world where he was handed all his answers and given atonement for all his trespasses was empty and shallow without Scully. He needed, further, to shake off that side of himself that would rather wallow than fight, that put Scully in a position, over and over again, to save his life (Demons) or to talk him back from the edge (The Ghosts That Stole Christmas, though a mirage, was based in a truth.) For Mulder, Amor Fati is the crest of a long, arduous hill that took him decades to climb; and now tips him down, at last, towards maturity, self-actualization, and closure.

Scully needed to come to a different, frightening realization: that the cornerstones of her beliefs might be built on lies, too. She needed to open her mind to possibilities that challenged or even betrayed her beliefs-- to overcome the fear inside that was still inflicting self-doubt. For Scully, Amor Fati was the beginning of the end of her security in "the facts"-- but one that gave her the opportunity to step away from "the tried and true" in order to find herself: her intuition, and her happiness.

"You were my constant, my touchstone"/"And you are mine" is the verbalization of their mutual revelations.

THE END FOR MULDER, THE BEGINNING FOR SCULLY

Amor Fati, for Mulder, was a Part 2 to Redux II and a do-over for One Son: he was confronted by his conscience and learned, once again, to stand by it. But not alone, not yet. For Scully, it was the beginning of her journey, one that culminates in all things (post here.) Her relationship struggles aren't rooted in an upfront fear about moving forward in a relationship-- only what comes after, a pattern in all her relationships and major life decisions (post here.)

Yet, Mulder doesn't make a move in his hallway-- doesn't even try-- after his touchstone speech. Why?

Because Scully was overwhelmed and conflicted and needed space to work through her (Diana-adjacent) guilt-- the same feelings he'd battled with throughout Season 4 and 5: failing and failing and failing. With a little space and a little time for him to recover and a little case thrown in to get her back on track (Hungry), their equilibrium is reestablished.

And that leads us to Millennium and the Season of Secret Sex.

It's Mulder who initiated his confession in Fight the Future, it's Mulder who invited her to play ball under the stars, and it's Mulder who affirmed she was his touchstone; so, it's Mulder who initiates their first kiss. Scully continues to hold herself in a waiting position-- standing at attention, Starbuck-style, until her captain makes the first move (something that all things shifts, as well)-- but all bets are off when he does. Mulder's first step initiates all her ensuing ones: jealously knocking into him in and playing with his tie in Rush, teasing about all being "right with the world" when they (hypothetically) return home in The Goldberg Variation, and each and every fond ribbing she tosses his way. There's a resolution between the two that isn't shaken until En Ami's trickery (which... was a topic all its own, post here) and all things's doubts.

Then we arrive at Closure. This episode is the resolution to Mulder's character arc-- not only because he found his sister and, effectively, laid her to rest, but because he learned to trust to her happy ending without needing Scully to believe him. For the first time, he exercises a "conscience", if you will, separately from Scully-- she is his touchstone, still, but not his whole being. A monumental change from Redux II and Folie a Deux and Fight the Future: then, it was "I knew you'd tell me if I was making a mistake" and "no one else" on earth believes him and "I don't want to do this alone. I don't even know if I can." Now, she remains his touchstone, his realignment; but he can stand on his own two feet without curling into whatever shape will earn him love from others.

all things is to Scully what Closure was to Mulder. Her touchstone claimed her as his in Amor Fati; and Scully thought this meant Mulder promised to always be there when she navigated strange waters... and then he ditches her for crop circles in England. Mulder doesn't understand why she's making a big deal of weekend work now instead of every weekend before; and the two separate in not bad but not great spirits (ala Never Again.) Feeling adrift, Scully runs into Daniel Waterston, and we know what happens from there. In short, all things forces Scully to have distance from Mulder's influence-- as Amor Fati had forced him from her-- in order to choose, with a clear conscience, if this path, this touchstone, is the right one for her. all things finally sets her free from her inhibitions: she guides Mulder back to their apartment and lets him ramble on and on without feeling displaced or devalued by his split focus.

Scully wouldn't be driven to this crossroads and its resolution had not Mulder calmed her self-reproach and claimed her as his "touchstone", allowing her to come back to and lean on that truth in her darkest hours. As we know, she's always relied on Mulder's strength-- Irresistible, Memento Mori, Elegy, etc.-- but had yet to rely on her own. all things, finally, guides her into her own strength and abilities.

COULD A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THEM HAVE WORKED BEFORE?

Realistically, anything can work with enough dedication and elbow grease (from both parties.) But, actually factually, the reciprocity needed for an intimate relationship wouldn't have been equal until after Mulder's return from "another life, another world." While they loved each other, Mulder's mercurial ways would wear on Scully's security, and Scully's sudden doubts and distance would dig Mulder's insecurities deeper in.

Mulder, the FBI profiler, was more strongly aware of this than Scully; while Scully, the scientific medical doctor, was more alertly aware of Mulder's constant retreat and instability than her own conflicting, distancing, brewing emotions. He had to learn to stand on his own two feet: a man who railed against the sky and stood up to his superiors and welcomed an existence as a pariah; and who would crumble the instant love was offered then revoked. She had to learn to trust her own instincts: a woman who rigidly tried to rein in her insecurities through facts and detached logical thinking; and who would implode with doubt the instant someone she respected or trusted questioned her decisions or intuition.

Could it or would it have worked? Yes, I think so. But Mulder and Scully were, I believe, happiest to begin a relationship when they did, on their own terms. They needed to be each other's touchstone first, not his "one-in-five-billion" or her "strength."

Partners, in all things.

CONCLUSION

"My touchstone" was the awakening for both: of how far Mulder had come, and much farther Scully had to go. Moreover, it solidified the nature of their relationship: unshakeable reliance and dependable trust, even if the whole world was (is) falling apart.

In short, Anon? Yes.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!