#he found his wife dead and his first reaction was wanting to make sure logan was okay
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snkts · 3 months ago
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Writing anything in the origins comic time is a pain because NOBODY KNOWS HOW OLD ROSE IS
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unfolded73 · 5 years ago
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I have watched Veronica Mars S4! I have thoughts! Below the cut all is spoiled, so take care.
Let me preface this by saying that while I’ve been a casual fan of Veronica Mars since it first aired on TV, and my husband was a kickstarter backer of the movie (he’s the true Marshmallow in our household), I’m not part of the fandom for this show. I’ve never read fic, written fic, or participated in any other part of the VM fandom. And so first and foremost, my deepest sympathies to those who are mourning a beloved character. I may not feel that grief on a personal level, but I know how painful it can be. 
(Because I don’t have more than a casual shipping preference for Logan and Veronica, I probably was fine with some of their character beats that someone who is passionately in love with that pairing was not. If you fall into that category, this may not be the reaction post for you.)
So… Logan. Linda Holmes wrote an interesting piece for NPR last week with the thesis that the 2014 movie shaved so many of Logan’s rough edges off, converting him into a cartoon prince, that it doomed him now that the show is continuing. And Rob Thomas has spoken in the media about needing to kill Logan so that Veronica can carry forward as a noir-style detective. I see that perspective, but it seems the laziest way to make Veronica suffer.
Logan served a subsidiary, stereotypically feminine role during this whole season, from his first appearance as the sex object emerging from the ocean, to being the one who wants to settle down and have kids, to serving a caregiving role for Veronica in the household, and then of course to being fridged to provide angst and motivation for his love interest. But there were also some amazing, complex moments between Logan and Veronica this season that I loved even as they made me uncomfortable. Here his softened edges seemed not just to turn him into a cartoon prince - they appeared to be his coping strategy for living with Veronica. The way he suppressed any reaction to her rejection of his proposal? Yikes. And holy shit, the fact that she was turned on when he finally got angry -- that was dark and horrible and I dug it. It added layers to their relationship, and yeah, some of those layers are ugly. But I was here for it. I was ready to ride that dark train to wherever it was taking me.
I guess that’s why ultimately I agree with the fact that killing Logan was a shitty call. If you want Veronica to suffer, there were so many off-ramps for that relationship in this very season alone that would have left open the possibility of bringing Logan back in future. Logan could decide she’s bad for his mental health (she is) and leave her! They could decide that the fact that he wants kids and she doesn’t to be a deal breaker! She could have had an affair! (I’m sure fans would have hated that too, but tbh I would have found it entirely in-character given the headspace Veronica was in. I’m glad it didn’t happen, but I would have believed it.) They introduced all of this rot in the floorboards of Logan and Veronica’s relationship, but then instead of addressing it, they sort of dropped it, let them have their little wedding, and then… you know.
It seems like Rob Thomas made Logan boring, got bored with this boring version of Logan, and dumped him. Which sucks.
Anyway, enough about Logan. Can we talk about Patton Oswalt for a minute?
When Patton first appeared on-screen, I shouted to my husband, “Law and Order rule! The most famous guest star is guilty!” I’d forgotten that JK Simmons was going to be in it. But the thing that initially changed my mind about his guilt wasn’t JK Simmons, it was the fact that his character was an amateur murder investigator. You know, like Patton’s actual first wife, Michelle McNamara, who tragically died in 2016. And I couldn’t imagine that Rob Thomas would have phoned up Patton and said, “hey, you know that thing that your first wife dedicated her life to? What if that, but evil?” But I guess that’s what happened, and I guess Patton was okay with it. He did a great job with the role, but yikes.
Lastly…
I feel bad for Dick Casablancas - his whole family is dead. (Except I guess he still has a mom somewhere?)  Maybe Trina Echolls can come back to Neptune and comfort him, since her whole family is also now dead.
If Veronica had had an affair, I really wanted it to be with Nicole, not Leo. Also I want more Nicole. (Although Veronica’s sex dream was hot.)
At least Keith survived. I was prepared for him to eat it about 8 different times.
Wallace was underused.
Weavil was underused.
I miss Mac.
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pllandcompany · 6 years ago
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Fire Meet Gasoline (Part One)
Summary: Hospital!AU. It’s Family Day at Sanders-Stokes Memorial and Patton’s parents are in town…and they want to meet Virgil. Meanwhile, Roman and Logan have their first couple’s therapy session.
Warnings: discussion of medical procedures, mention of past gun violence, mention of past addiction and drug use, past eating disorder mention, anxiety, nausea mention, some swearing
Pairings: QPP Moxiety and Romantic Logince
Tagged: @ziallwarrior @thefallendog @apologieslogan @trueunreal @flyingfreeyt @thecatchat @crofters-jam @jakesmolbean @band-be-boss-blog @ab-artist @asylia-5911 @backatthebein @oonagh-una
Notes: I can’t stay away from this ‘verse! I feel like I’m writing too much in it but it’s all I’m inspired for lately. This definitely isn’t as heavy as the last series so enjoy a breath of fresh air! Also, peep those resourced Cartoon Therapy characters!
Despite his penchant for ice cream, his occasionally childish ways, and eternal love of cartoons, Dr. Patton Parker was an adult, thank you very much. He enjoyed alcohol. He could change a flat tire, make a mean spinach omelet, hold a detailed conversation about politics, and suture a mitral valve defect in utero faster than anyone he knew.
That did not stop him from jumping joyously into his parents’ arms when they arrived knocking on his office door.
“MOM! DAD!” His shout drew the attention of the entire nurses’ station, one of them spilling their coffee. Patton gasped, hands immediately flying to his face. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you!” The nurse nodded and waved, still looking rather pleasant for someone who just lost their source of energy.
“You must be well-liked around here. Spilled coffee in my office is practically an HR offense,” his dad joked, patting his son on the shoulder. “Yeah, you could say that,” was the stammered response, a blush quickly spreading across his face. The three shared a quick chuckle before Dot, Patton’s mom, swooped in to fuss over him.
“Oh sweetie, come here, let me look you over. Oh, you look so tired, are you sleeping? And what have you done with your hair? You’re practically bald on one side!”
“It’s called a side cut for a reason, Mom. Virgil and I got it together. You should see his; it was bright purple before he started growing it out. Department head and all, he’s going for a more professional look.”
“Oh right, he did get that promotion! Oh, we’re so proud of him, son,” Larry, Patton’s father chimed in. “Can we sit?”
“Sure!”the fetal surgeon beamed, closing the door behind him. “Oh, I’m so happy you’re both here! I needed to see you, more than I realized.”
“I can only imagine. We were so worried when you told us about what happened with that awful shooting. Oh honey, are you all right? That must have been horrible to go through, do tell us if you’re all right?” Dot brought both hands up to his face, fretting over the worry lines around his mouth and eyes. “You look so tired. Are you sleeping? Are you eating?”
“Dot, don’t overwhelm the boy. He’s a Parker! Therefore he’s strong. Right, son?” Larry eyed him with a soul-searching gaze.
“But you can tell us if you’re not! You don’t have to be all right for us if you’re not, sweetie.”
“He’s fine, darling, you don’t need to fuss over him.” They bickered back and forth momentarily while Patton briefly closed his eyes, blocking out their chatter. This is why I could never tell them about my depression, he thought to himself. Their extremes made it difficult to confide in them; Dot with her incessant worrying and Larry with his stubborn insistence that Parkers never ever got overwhelmed. Patton was grateful, of course. They were wonderful parents.
They just were a bit…much at times.
“I’m fine, you guys. Really, Virgil and I are both good. You don’t need to worry, Mom, we’re good.” Patton’s trademark smile spread across his face. His heart rate began to slow once Dot finally calmed down, leaned back, and rested her hands in her lap. “Okay, sweetie, I believe you. Speaking of Virgil, though…could we possibly…meet him?”
Patton could barely stop his jaw from dropping. “You…you want to meet him? Really?”
“Of course! We were so excited when you told us you’d found someone who was accepting of your sexual orientation. I mean, aside from us, of course,” Dot clarified, grabbing Patton’s hands in hers. Patton fought the urge to roll his at the memory of his mother's reaction to his coming out as asexual. The next day, she proceeded to throw an all out ace themed dinner party, complete with napkins, paper plates, and a tablecloth with– you guessed it – aces of all suits printed all over them.
"I had to buy out their whole stock to have enough to pull out just the ones with aces on them!" He clearly remembered her bright tone and elated expression as she held up the discarded napkins to punctuate her point. He could also vividly recall the way his father stood back, a silently fuming dichotomy to her cheerfulness. They had ended up fighting that night after Patton "went to bed" over Dot's overindulgence.
It's actually not a great memory for Patton. The grounded, calm, accepting conversation they had as a family three days later about his future as a member of the LGBT community was all he really needed.
Dot's voice brought him back to reality. “Knowing that someone loves my son for who he is makes us over the moon with joy. Of course I want to know who that person is.”
“Only if he wants to,” Larry added, “…but we really hope he does.” Patton observed how his dad was practically vibrating with anticipation.​ He smiled again, simultaneously thanking the universe for his accepting parents and praying that this wouldn't end up in another ace decorated disaster.
"As long as he's okay with it...of course you can meet him. But I have to check with him first, you know? It's a big step, I just want to make sure he's ready."
"Oh, my thoughtful, caring son. Of course, we're in town for the whole weekend so you just let us know!" Dot exclaimed. "Come on, honey, we've gotta go check in to the hotel before 11!" Larry chided sternly, grasping his wife's hand and leading her out gently. She turned to face Patton and walked backwards out of the room, talking the whole time. "Call us later, sweetie! We'll do dinner after we watch your surgery! Oh, I can't wait to see you in action!" As he tried to rush them out of the office, Larry ended up slamming directly into another nurse who had yet another coffee hit the ground. "Oh no, I am so, so sorry! But hey, like father, like son, am I right?" Larry attempted to elicit a chuckle out of her but the nurse just glared at him, her chocolate eyes dark pools of irritation. Patton was on his feet in a flash, grabbing a stray surgical towel from his cabinet to help clean up the mess. "I am so sorry," he whispered.
"Dot, come on. We need to get out here before we start barreling over patients," Larry grumbled, his face red with embarrassment. "Bye, sweetie!" Dot called out over her shoulder, while being practically dragged by her husband.
"That your parents? They seem so opposite," the nurse mumbled, blowing her wiry curls out of her face. Patton looked up and nodded. "Yep, that's them. They're a crazy pair, for sure."
"Must be overwhelming to have them around." She sat back and watched Patton watching his parents sprinting down the hall.
"Yes, it is. And I wouldn't change a thing."
****
"Dr. Courtland to the ER lobby. Paging Dr. Courtland to the ER lobby." Virgil mimicked a crackly intercom voice while Roman walked up to the waiting room desk, his lips pursed in annoyance.
"Virgil, I was with a patient, this better be good." He eyed the trauma surgeon sternly, hands going to his hips.
"I don't know, see for yourself if what I called you for is good enough," he shrugged nonchalantly, gesturing vaguely to something behind Roman. He turned around, his expression of confusion instantly melting to excitement.
"Remy! Are you seriously here right now?"
"In the freakin' flesh bro." The younger man smirked and opened his arms. "Come hug me, I wasn't kidding about the flesh part. I'm squishable now."
"Oh, Remington, you stop it, you are beautiful!" Roman flowed into his arms and held tightly, grateful for the gentle give of muscle under his fingers. He leaned back and took in his brother's full face and bright eyes. "I am so proud of you. You've done so well in recovery."
"Let me tell you, sis, it has not been easy, like, at all but...I think this time it's gonna stick. Like mashed potatoes to my ribs," Remy playfully slapped his chest, eliciting a shake of the head from Roman.
"I see your twisted sense of humor hasn't changed."
"Did you really expect it to?" Remy smirked a second time, his expression softening at the unshed tears in Roman's eyes. "Hey, Ro, it's okay. Anorexia is a bitch but I'm a bigger one. It didn't take me out, I'm here."
Roman sniffled and tried to regulate his breathing. "I know, I know, it's just...can we sit?" Remy nodded and Virgil guided them to a private family room, sensing their need for a moment alone. Roman took a second to silently thank him before closing the door and turning to his brother.
"Please tell me this is not the room where you tell people that their folks are dead and shit," Remy deadpanned, looking mildly horrified.
"Fine, I won't tell you then," Roman responded, wiping his eyes and attempting to smile. Remy cocked his head to the side in sympathy. "What's with all the tears, Ro? I swear to you, I'm okay." They sat down the couch next to each other, Remy's body slightly twisted to face his older brother.
"It's not just that. I mean, I am so happy about that but that's not all of it," Roman's voice was watery, suppressed emotions fighting to be released.
"Is it about...you know, the...shooting?" Remy mumbled the last word, afraid to upset Roman further. "Virgil told me you got shot. Fuck, Ro, that had to be insane."
Roman stared at the floor. "Oddly enough, what happened afterward was worse," he whispered.
"You're not...are you sick? Is it Alz-"
"No, Remington! It's nothing, just drop it! You're here and you're healthy and well, I wanna talk about that." Remy nodded his heads, hands up in surrender.
"Okay, take a chill pill, yikes, we'll move on." The room was quiet for a moment before Remy spoke up again. "Hey, where's that dreamboat doctor that you were sort of an ass to while he was saving my life? I want to see him, I'm sure he'd appreciate me getting my shit together and not wasting his work. Btw, did you and him ever end up hooking up? I hope so because let me tell you, the freakin' unresolved sexual tension between you two was thicker than molasses in winter-"
Remy was cut off by the very audible sobs coming from Roman. He froze for a moment, the gears turning in his mind as to what was unraveling his normally unflappable sibling.
"Oh my God, please tell me he's not dead." Roman shook his head vigorously, still too choked to talk. "Is he sick? What the hell happened to him, Roman? Tell me!"
Roman tried his best to cease his crying and actually answer his now panicked younger brother. "He...he ran into some trouble after the shooting. Everything...it hit him pretty hard and he struggled."
"Trouble, like...the drug-related kind?" Roman nodded. "He's in rehab, Rem. I'm sorry."
"No....no, oh my God, no, he seemed like he was doing so well. He was so solid when he talked to me about recovery; it was part of why I took it so seriously when I went to treatment."
Roman laughed bitterly. "Yeah, well, he's good at that, making you think everything is okay when it's not, when the world is actually crumbling to pieces right in front of you and you're too damn blind to see it!" He looked up and realized he was yelling by the shocked expression his brother wore. He took a deep breath and began again, willing himself to calm down. "We were...are involved. We actually have therapy together tomorrow. It'll be the first time in two months that I've seen him."
"What? Why so damn long? He needs you, Ro, you can't just, like, desert him."
"I know, but...I'm so...angry with him! He lied to me about so much while nearly destroying himself in secret when I could have helped him! And I love him wholeheartedly, more than I can bear sometimes but...how can I trust him? How can I trust anything he tells me?" 
Remy smiled sadly, taking his elder sibling's hands into his own. "Ro, that's totally what you're going there tomorrow to find out! Look, if Logan is anything like I was in a relapse, he wasn't himself at all. But tomorrow? Tomorrow, sweetie, you get to see the real him and I promise there is nothing better than that. So give him a chance to show you who he really is. Besides, y'all went through hell together, that totally has to mean something."
"Yes, but I want us to be together because we're meant to, not because we're trauma-bonded."
"And I'm sure he does too. He wouldn't invite you into his private torture time if he didn't want you there on some level." Roman raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Private torture time, Rem?"
Remy rolled his eyes. "Look, therapy sucks, okay? I get that's it's useful and necessary and saves lives and shit but that doesn't make it suck any less! And you don't just invite anybody to watch you break down slowly. Notice I didn't invite you to any of my sessions."
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Roman tried to joke despite himself.
"Not important!" Remy quipped, holding up a hand in Roman's face that he swatted away. "The point is Logan invited you to his so go and, yeah, be honest and shit but...hear him out too, okay?"
Roman chuckled to himself. "I can't believe the day has arrived where I'm taking advice from my little brother." Remy stood up, gathering his bag. "Well, believe it, Princey, you know I know my shit." Roman paused, a fond look crossing his face. "You haven't called me that in years, Rem."
"And I am totally stealing that, thanks dude," a gravelly voice called out from the doorway. The brothers' heads made a synchronized turn towards one Virgil Davidson who was leaning in the doorway wearing a smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes. Remy looked sheepishly at Roman's indignant expression, one that faltered slightly when he read the mild distress on Virgil's face. "You need the room," he said sympathetically. Virgil nodded in silence, the unspoken knowledge dawning on everyone in the room and eliciting a gasp from Remy. "You said-"
"I never said anything, Rem." He wrapped his arm around the younger man's shoulders and felt him shudder. "Oh my God, we have to get out of here, like, stat or whatever. I cannot be in this cursed place a second longer."
"They don't actually bring the body in there, drama queen," Roman said in amusement, leading his brother out of the "cursed" room.
"Oh, haha, Mr. Pot Meets Kettle. Whatever, let's go get lunch in the cafeteria. I want see that hot scrub nurse again, damn, he was a tall drink of chocolate thunder."
"That...that doesn't even make sense, Rem."
Virgil watched them walk away, shaking his head at the last of their conversation. He entered the room alone and shakily sat on the couch, stomach roiling with anxious nausea. He had to calm himself before he made himself ill. 4-7-8, Davidson. Just breathe. Family Day was always overwhelming for him, to a point where he usually called out and opted to visit his mother's grave instead. This year, he had overlooked the upcoming event and forgotten to make arrangements in time, an oversight due to his adjustment into his new position, no doubt. He tried to make the best of it by facilitating the surprise arrival of Roman's brother but even that proved to be difficult and isolating, only driving home his lack of a sibling or any tangible relatives. Seeing people happy with their parents and siblings while everyone in his family was either dead or in jail triggered him to no end. No one would be visiting him today. No one would be watching his surgeries...well, usually no one would. Again, this year was different. This year, he'd be meeting Patton's parents. Patton's loving, overbearing, borderline smothering parents. Virgil, who had never known real love until his partner Patton was now going to meet the very seat of his creation and hopefully measure up to the high standards they most certainly held for their incredible son. Virgil, the child of two addicts, raised by his single, hoarding aunt was supposed to be deemed good enough not just for Patton but for Patton and his family. Right. He can do this. He's Chief now. He's been through hell and back, much worse than this. He'll make them see he's worthy...right?
Virgil's head spun as his mind churned out about hundred different ways this could all go horribly wrong.
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kurtty-drabbles · 6 years ago
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Scooby au (part 1?)
N/A: The Lovecraft entities are gathered together and have no idea who is who. Well, I thin L.K would notice Zaova as they are deeply in love, now, the rest? NO. Set in EVO.
@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @discordsworld @sailorstar9 @look-ma-no-hands336
Scott Summers got the message that Dani Moonster was captured by a cultist, which, did surprise the young man as the X-men never dealt with people from a cult, but, he has no time to spare, Mirage is in trouble and Cyclops is the only one that can help.
Nightcrawler is right next to him as Scott is driving the van, the X-Jet would be too on the nose and this is a mission that requires stealth and that is one of his strength. Wolverine, Professor X and Storm are in their position as Scott is ready to enact the plan.
"Are you nervous, Scott?" Nightcrawler asked in a carefree way and Scott sometimes even how Nightcrawler can be so calm in situations like this. This is the debut of the newest member of the team. Nightcrawler and no one make any question if this is a good idea, Scott has faith in him and that´s enough.
"....Yes, I´m, I know I should be the tough leader but I can´t help to think that if I do a mistake what will happen" Scott sighs and let go "worry won´t let me accomplish nothing"
"Scott,  as a leader you´ll encounter many obstacles, however, if you stop and let each worry consume you then you´ll be nothing more than a blop" Nightcrawler offers a funny smile as he continues "Life is chaotic as it can be or you learn how to deal with or it will deal with you" Nightcrawler concludes. There´s something ominous in his tone, but, maybe Scott is letting the mission take a toll on him.
"You´re right. I need to be calm and ready to face what will happen, I´m an X-men now, but, I´m still a person" Scott thank Nightcrawler who still have a funny smile on his blue face and is ready to enter in action "Remember code red..." Scott trails off and Nightcrawler chuckles and replies he knows the meaning of each code.
"Scott goes left first and the right, you´ll find her easily this way" Nightcrawler replied and Scott blinks, Nightcrawler seems to always know what the others would ask "I got the location of Mirage, Left and right, do you remember?"
Scott was sure no one, not even Professor X knew the where Mirage was, but, Nightcrawler must be a good hacker.
__________________________________________________________________________
True to Nightcrawler´s word, Dani was in a room that you must take the first left and then right to find, using his laser, Cyclops free Dani from her prison cellar. The man hugs the other girl relieved she wasn't hurt or worse.
"I´m fine, Scott, " Dani explained with a smile as things ought to be alright "Thank god you guys found me, this cult is crazy they wanted to sacrifice me for a god....they can´t even speak the deity´s name without shivering"
"It was all thank to Nightcrawler that I could found you, let´s go, be ready, many guards are sure to come here" Scott speaks and Dani nods, but, deep down they wonder why this hall is dessert and why it was so easier to enter. A trap?
If is a trap, where are the others? ______________________________________________________________________ Shadowcat is outside of the facility and Scott blinks knowing the young girl was in the mansion,but, she´s here...Oh, Logan must have brought her or she must sneak up on them(on a trip that is in another country and no one noticed? Well, they all are focused on bring Mirage back)
"Kitty!" Dani runs and hugs the teen as well, there´s something maternal in the hug, well, some people are more cut for the family life way earlier. That´s what Scott thought.
"That´s flattering" Kitty replied and before Scott could ask what she meant by that, his communicator is on and Logan explains that the enemies just vanish.
"Oh, you defeat them that easily? Glad to know they are just talking and no bite" Scott replied but Logan is not amused as the teen and explains what he meant in a grave tone.
"I´m saying that the enemies literally vanish before my eyes. There are no enemies on my side nor on Ro´s ...and I bet you enter without a problem" Scott did confirm that "Take Mirage out and let´s go home this place is giving me the creepy and I feel like someone is watching us"
"Fine, by the way, Kitty is here too, she sneaks up on your ride again" Scott informs and Logan would like to say is impossible but...then again, maybe she did that(come to think of, Kitty is always there even when there´s no way she could be, well, maybe she has a knack for hiding and stealth)
"Let´s go, Scott, flatter won't take you anywhere" Kitty replied and Scott obeys with Dani as they are ready to leave. Scott can disagree with Logan with many things, yet, he agrees with one thing. Scott does feel someone is watching him.
________________________________________________________________________
In a pit valley, only a red moon is the source of any semblance of light, the members of the Bad Seed knows where they are and know there´s only one way to leave this place and that´s not an agreeable solution.
Screams filled the air as tentacles tear the men apart and chewing noises can be heard, the leader of this cult run and spot a young girl, with chestnut hair, brown eyes and a pink jacket smiles at him.  As a crystal blue tentacle formed into her hand and her smile are far too bigger to be human.
"Master! Please! We did everything to please you" the leader speaks and the girl shakes her head.
"The wrong deity, I´m, what you humans call, oh right, his wife" and devour the man piece by piece. Nightcrawler shows up on a more smaller scale and Zaorva offers the left arm for him and he accepts.
"I´m surprised that you are taking care of those humans" Zaorva speaks not giving attention to the screams filling the space, the leader still has life, still can scream but not for long.
"Well, It has been some time since I ever watch something grown and I got bored, plus, Cyclops is funny" Nightcrawler replied amused and glad the screams ceased there´s no way to interrupt their conversation now.
"I know you, my other half!" Zaorva replied amused as her eyes are in a deep azure.
"Oh, fine, I just want to spend more and more time with you, I´m still a lovesick fool for you" Nightcrawler replied in good humour even if his mask is cracking and is soiled by blood and flesh.
"Me too, I´m glad you´re here...I don´t fully get the humans as you do, Nyarty" Zaorva chuckles at his reaction to the nickname.
"You´re the only living being that can call me that. As for the humans, they aren´t that complicated to understand" Zaorva pouts a little and now Nightcrawler smiles at that "Guess we are not taking care of such chaotic life...again"
"Yes, we are" her mask is also cracking and smiles now "If I´m mother life does that makes you the father?"
"Of all the human's things to understand you that is the only one you got a hold on" Nightcrawler offers as a reply as his mask is broken and Zaorva follows the lead. The leader should be grateful he´s dead ´cause see two deities doing what they are doing now would explode his mind. _____________________________________________________________________________
Dani is happy to be back at the mansion and the New Mutants share the sentiment.
"Scott saved you? It was dangerous?" Rhane asked full with concern.
"Yes, and Kitty was there too" Dani explains and Sunspot scratch his head confused for a moment.
"Wait, Kitty was here all this time, I talk to her" Sunspot replied now switching to Portuguese as in his words, this situation is estranha(strange) Magik agrees but offers a logic solution.
"She must have used a double spell" And everyone agrees, sort of, Magik knows that a double spell requires time and the math is not helping the case here, however, maybe Kitty is far more experience with this spell than Yana.
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Assassin’s Creed: Misthaven (11/18)
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Summary: For hundreds of years, the Brotherhood of Assassins and the Templar Order have waged war.  For Princess Emma of Misthaven, that war has become personal.  After a mission gone wrong, the Templar Grandmaster, placed a curse on Emma’s son that is slowly killing him.  Emma will stop at nothing to save Henry, even if it means going rogue from the Brotherhood and consorting with pirates.
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Violence, Sex, Adult Language.
AN: A special thank you to @preciouscucumber for being an ever patient and diligent beta.  To @cocohook38 and @utopiozphere for the awesome artwork they have created. And to @icecubelotr44 for her encouragement every step of the way.  
AO3
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Art for Chapter 11 by @cocohook38
          Killian barely had himself settled in the passenger compartment of the carriage before Starkey had it hurtling away from castle. Emma collapsed next to him, both of them facing their hard-won prisoner. They smiled at each other, wordlessly congratulating one another on a job well done.
        Killian narrowed his eyes at Emma, trying to see if she had sustained any wounds. Both of them had blood spattered across them and that made it hard to gauge whether any of it belonged to Emma. Killian reached out his hand, rubbed his thumb gently over her cheek to wipe away a spot of blood.
          “I’m fine, Hook,” Emma told him, and she settled herself more comfortably on the padded seat of the carriage. While she had no wounds, he could see the dark circles developing under her eyes.
          Their guest had been observing this interaction with cold eyes. “Well, this is cozy,” Rumpelstiltskin said lazily. “So nice to see you’ve moved on after Milah’s death.” 
          “You don’t deserve to speak her name, you vile crocodile,” Killian spat back. Emma’s hand gripped his arm tight, and he fought against the urge to bury his hook in the sorcerer’s throat. 
          Rumpelstiltskin leaned forward, his voice cruel. “Do you love this whore as much as you did my wife? I hope so. It will make it all the more pleasurable when I make you watch as I rip out her heart and crush it.” 
              Killian pushed himself forward and grabbed the lapels of Rumpelstiltskin’s coat, pulling him forward until he was nose to nose with his tormenter. He brought his hook up and pressed its point against the man’s neck.
          “One more word,” Killian growled. “One more word and we will see just how immortal you really are.”
          Emma grasped Killian’s shoulder and pulled him back onto the carriage’s seat next to her. He watched as she pulled a dagger from one of her dresses pockets and held it forward.
          “Rumpelstiltskin, I command you to be silent,” she said forcefully. The sorcerer huffed but, thankfully, ceased speaking. 
          For the next couple of hours, Killian remained tense. At one point, Emma grabbed his hand and rubbed small circles on the palm in an attempt to offer some comfort. However, the cramped confines of the carriage became too much and he banged on the roof to signal Starkey to stop. 
          Killian jumped from the carriage and headless of the dark, set off into the woods, ignoring Emma’s call of “Hook!” from behind him.
          Once he was alone, Killian lashed out and buried his hook into the wood of the nearest tree. The world would be a much better place without Robert Gold in it, yet he was bound by his honor not to kill the bloody man. Killian pulled his fist back and slammed it into the tree. 
          “Does that help?” 
           Startled, Killian turned. His hook, still imbedded in the tree, pulled him up short. He yanked it free. Emma stood a couple of yards back. Her hands were on her hips as she raised a brow at him.  
          “No,” Killian admitted. 
          Emma walked forward and grabbed his hand. His knuckles were bleeding; the skin ripped open by the coarse bark of the tree.  
          Killian leaned forward and rested his forehead on the top of Emma’s head. “Why, love, is that abomination the only person who can save your son?” he asked quietly.
          Emma sighed, but said nothing. “Lie to me, if you must,” he begged. “Just please tell me something. Anything. Because if I am to have that man on my ship for the next month, I’m going to need a reminder as to why he is better off alive than dead.”
          He didn’t really expect an answer. Emma Swan was a woman full of secrets, and though she had shared some of those secrets with him already, he suspected that he hadn’t yet earned enough of her trust to demand more. 
          To his astonishment, she muttered softly against his chest, “He’s Henry’s grandfather.”
          At first, Killian wasn’t sure he had heard Emma right. Henry’s grandfather? What did he have to do with Rumpelstiltskin?
          Then his mind finally wrapped around Emma’s words; Killian pulled back and stared at her, his mouth agape.
          “His grandfather. Rumpelstiltskin is Henry’s grandfather,” Killian repeated blankly.
          Emma’s teeth were worrying at her bottom lip, evidently nervous about his reaction to her reveal.
          Grandfather.
          So that meant Henry’s father was…
          “Baelfire,” Killian sighed.
          Robert Gold’s son. 
          Milah’s son.
          “Because the curse on Henry is a blood curse, the spell to counter it requires the blood of both of his parents. Baelfire isn’t available, so my only option is his father,” Emma explained as Killian tried to wrap his mind around the information.
          “Baelfire… what happened to him?” Killian inquired, remembering the tales Milah had told him of her adventurous son.
           “Gone. Not dead, just… gone.” Emma shifted from foot to foot and Killian let the topic drop. She had told him enough of her secrets for one night. 
          “If all you need is his blood, love, I’ll be happy to get it for you,” Killian offered, raising his hook.
          Emma smiled sadly at his suggestion. “It needs to be willingly given, I’m afraid.”
          Of course it does, Killian thought bitterly. Magic and its stupid restrictions. He brought his hand up and cupped Emma’s face, turning it up toward his. 
          “Thank you, Emma, for telling me,” he said gently.
          “No, Killian, thank you. I wouldn’t have managed this on my own,” Emma replied. She leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss. When she pulled back, she grabbed his hook and guided him back to where the carriage waited. 
          “Come on, Captain. Let’s not worry Starkey any more than we already have.”
---
          Instead of climbing back into the carriage, Killian opted to join Starkey on the driver’s bench, so Logan joined Emma in the carriage. He offered to keep an eye on Rumpelstiltskin while she got some sleep and she gratefully accepted.  
          Hesitantly, she pulled the curvy dagger from her satchel and offered it to him, handle-first. “Do not let him get ahold of this,” she said sternly. The young man nodded earnestly.
          Emma woke with a jerk a few hours later when the carriage came to another stop. She looked at Logan. The young man had his hand on the hilt of his sword and a cautious eye on the compartment’s windows. 
          “All clear, Captain,” Emma heard one of Killian’s crewmembers call, though she couldn’t immediately identify who. They must have met up with some of the men who had ridden on ahead, she concluded, and allowed herself to relax.
          “Good work, Javier,” Killian said. The carriage tilted and a moment later Killian appeared at the window.
          “Care to change, love? We need to give the horses a rest,” Killian said as he offered Emma his hand to assist her exit from the carriage. It was early dawn and there was just enough light to see by. Killian lifted his arm to show the saddlebags dangling from his hook. She’d completely forgotten that the carriage carried a change of clothes for her and Killian.
          “I imagine that you are keen to be out of that uncomfortable frippery. Though of course you cut quite a figure,” Killian said with a wink as he handed her the saddlebag. 
          “Gods be thanked,” Emma groaned. Accustomed as she was to corsets and fine gowns, they were uncomfortable to wear at the best of times. Ready to wear more something more suitable to long travel, she quickly made her way into the woods until she found a thicket suitable to use as a changing area. However, after a few minutes, Emma cursed her lack of forethought when she found herself unable to undo the intricate lacing of the gown. She sighed. It was a beautiful gown, so it seemed a waste to just snap the laces with her knife.
          There was a rustle. “Need some help, lass?” Killian called to her, from the other side of a tree. 
          “It’s not polite to spy on a lady while she’s changing,” Emma chided him.
          “But yes, I do.”
          She saw that Killian had already changed out of his own attire when he made his way toward her and was once again dressed almost head to toe in his normal black leather. How the man didn’t die from overheating, she didn’t know. 
          Killian deftly undid the gown’s lacing and once undone, it fell to the forest floor. Emma took a little pleasure in kicking it away and into the underbrush. Killian snickered at her immature antics as he started on the bindings of the corset. The tip of his hook tickled her skin when he help her remove the torturous contraption, and Emma shivered.
          Killian noticed, of course, and quickly did it again. It elicited the same response, and Emma felt his smile when he placed a kiss on the side of her neck.
          “Now is not the time, Captain,” Emma said gently. They had a task to complete. 
          “Oh, I know,” Killian whispered in her ear. “I just wanted to let you know, love, that when this is over, well, that’s when the real fun begins.”
          He disappeared in a whish of soft leather. Emma quickly donned the Assassin’s outfit she had packed away a few days before. Somehow, even after being laundered, it still carried the salty smell of the sea. She found herself pressing her nose to the fabric, glad that they would soon be returning to the relative safety of The Jolly Roger and the open sea. 
          When she emerged from the thicket of trees, she found Killian loitering not far away, his sword drawn. Protecting her while she had been vulnerable, she realized. At her nod of thanks, they headed back toward the carriage. 
          They found Starkey on the ground. His head was bleeding and Emma spotted more blood on the carriage wheel.
          Killian kneeled and pressed his finger’s against Starkey’s throat. “He’s still alive,” Killian said with relief.
          Logan was not so lucky. He was still in the carriage’s passenger compartment, his eyes open but clouded, his neck tilted at an unnatural angle. She checked his pockets. The dagger she had given to him before her nap was gone.
          “Rumpelstiltskin is gone,” Emma told Killian tiredly. 
          “Can you track him?” the pirate asked, his voice tight. His hand was clenched into a fist. 
          Even though Rumpelstiltskin had recovered his dagger, he was still without his magic because of the chains. He would have escaped on foot. Emma glanced about and spotted a couple of broken branches on a small shrub on the edge of the road. Emma followed the path Rumpelstiltskin had left in his wake, thankful that the sorcerer apparently didn’t have enough experience traveling in the woods to cover his tracks. 
          She came upon him caught in a thick patch of wild blackberry bushes where he was cursing the plants for snagging his trousers. She snuck up on him with ease and pressed the tip of her blade against the back of his neck. Could the Dark One survive the severing of his spine from his head? From the way Rumpelstiltskin tensed, Emma wasn’t sure if he knew the answer.
          “I don’t intend to kill you, you know,” Emma informed him. 
          Rumpelstiltskin laughed. “Is that so, dearie? What other purpose could an Assassin have for abducting me?”
          Emma took a deep breath, then caved. “I have need of your assistance in a magical matter,” she admitted. She didn’t dare tell him any more, lest it give him leverage over her. 
          “Well you could have just asked,” the sorcerer replied mockingly, fluttering his hands. 
          Emma huffed as she removed her blade from the back of Rumpelstiltskin’s neck. She could only imagine how she would have worded a letter outlining the situation her son was in. 
          Emma seized Rumpelstiltskin’s shoulder to turn him toward her. “In return for your assistance, I will tell you what I know of the location of your son.”
---              Once Killian had confirmed that Starkey would survive his wound and had made him comfortable, he carefully removed Logan’s body from the carriage. He closed the young man’s eyes and laid him alongside the road. He was contemplating whether he would have enough time to build a cairn for his fallen crewmate, when Emma returned with Rumpelstiltskin in tow.
          A flash of red-hot rage poured through him. Killian marched toward the sorcerer, his long strides eating up the distance that separated them, and swung his fist into the wretch’s face. Though it sent a wave of pain through is hand, the punch connected with a pleasurable crack and was well worth it.
          Killian expected Emma to scold him for his actions. However, all she did was roll her eyes and shove the bleeding sorcerer into the carriage. There came another cry of pain, which Killian assumed was Starkey taking his own small revenge on Rumpelstiltskin. He was about to climb into the driver’s seat of the carriage when he saw Emma pause at the sight of Logan’s body. He approached and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him.
          “We can’t just leave him here,” Emma said, her voice thick with tears. 
          “We don’t have time, love,” Killian responded. He tried to guide her back to the carriage with his arm, but she resisted. Instead, she knelt and laid her hand at the ground by Logan’s feet. Killian watched in awe as the ground rippled and Logan’s body began to sink. In less than a minute, he was gone and a wreath of lilies marked where he had been. 
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          Killian pulled Emma close and held her in his arms. “Thank you, love,” he whispered into her hair. He knew how precious her magic was to her, and was touched that she would use some to grant one of his crew members a proper resting place. One Emma was secure in the carriage with Starkey and Rumpelstiltskin, Killian took up the reins and guided the carriage back onto the road. 
---              A few hours past dawn, they once again met up with Javier. The Wyatt brothers joined them shortly after and with them were fresh horses to draw the carriage for the next leg of the journey. After the horses were switched out, the group had a quick breakfast of bread and cheese. During that time, Emma replaced the bandage on Starkey’s head. The scalp wound was mostly superficial, despite how much it had bled. 
          When they set off again, Emma kept Starkey engaged in conversations as best she could to prevent either of them from becoming too absorbed in their thoughts. Starkey, she figured, would feel just as responsible, if not more so, for Logan’s death than Killian did. Warry of their other passenger, they avoided any personal topics and discussed recent politics. Rumpelstiltskin grumbled but thankfully stayed silent. 
          When they changed horses again around midday, Emma tried to convince Killian to allow one of the other men to drive the carriage so that he might get some rest, but he refused. 
          “Killian, you haven’t slept since yesterday morning!” Emma argued as he climbed into the driver’s seat.
          “It doesn’t matter, Swan,” Killian snapped. “Starkey’s injured and none of the others know how to drive a carriage.” 
          Emma blinked and stepped back, unused to Killian losing his temper with her. At last she recovered herself, and ordered, “Just don’t fall asleep and drive us off the road.” Despite her best efforts, her words came out cold. He hadn’t called her ‘Swan’ since she’d shared her real name with him a couple days before. 
          Emma climbed back into the passenger compartment of the carriage and sat, arms crossed, across from a smug-looking Rumpelstiltskin. 
          “Has he always been this stubborn?” Emma grumbled at Starkey.
          “Since he was a lad, I’m afraid,” the quartermaster replied, with a grin.
          Rumpelstiltskin snorted and Starkey’s eyes narrowed in response. 
          “Don’t forget depraved, reckless, and a tendency to run away with other men’s wives. Those are some of your Captain’s finer qualities,” Rumpelstiltskin said snidely. 
          Emma gawked at Rumpelstiltskin in shock. “Milah was your wife?” she finally stuttered. 
          The sorcerer laughed, and the unpleasant sound grated in Emma’s ears. “Did he never tell you?” he asked. “Stole her away in the dead of night. From me and from our son, Baelfire.”
          “Milah left on her own, Gold, and you know it,” Starkey said with a glare. “She was tired of being married to a sniveling coward.”
          Rumpelstiltskin jerked forward to attack the other man, but Emma quickly kicked her foot out, hitting him in the chest. She causally fingered the hilt of the dagger she held, and he settled back into his seat with a look that would terrify most men. 
          “If you harm another one of Hook’s men, I will not be responsible for the consequences,” Emma told him.
          “But you need me, dearie,” retorted Rumpelstiltskin.
          “I need you alive, yes,” Emma acquiesced. “But there are a number of ways a man can be hurt without causing death. So I recommend you watch your tongue before someone rips it out.”
---               They arrived at the docks of Hedges Run just before nightfall; Emma practically leapt from the carriage. Even on his best behavior for the remainder of the journey, Rumpelstiltskin was a tiresome companion.  
          In less than an hour, the carriage and horses had been sold to a merchant, and Killian had arranged for the proceeds to be sent to Scarlet in thanks for his assistance. Thanks to the crew’s efforts, the Jolly Roger was ready to set sail shortly afterwards, since they had been informed of their Captain’s impending return.
          “Glad to have you back, Captain,” Theo said cheerfully, when Killian took the wheel and steered his ship out to open sea. Killian thanked the lad; after a week inland, he was glad to be home. 
          Hours later, he was studying the stars and remembering the night he had shown Emma the Cygnus constellation, when the lady herself appeared from below deck. 
          He waited until she was standing beside him to speak. “I trust our guest is secure in the brig?” Killian asked carefully.
          “Yes, and Starkey has arranged a guard of two men to be with him at all times,” Emma replied.
          Killian saw that she had a shawl wrapped around herself to guard against the night’s cold, and longed to draw her into his arms, against the warmth of his body. But the stiffness of her posture and the distance she was keeping from him caused him to he suspect that his embrace would be unwelcome. It hurt more than he wanted to admit to see her uncomfortable in his presence. 
          “Let me apologize, lass, for the way I barked at you earlier today,” he said gently. “I was angry with myself after Logan’s death, since it was my fault. You, however, did not deserve to be on the receiving end of that and I apologize.” 
          He adjusted The Jolly Roger’s course a degree further south, and heard Emma’s sigh. After a moment of silence, he felt her warm body against his. She grasped his hand and pulled it from the wheel of the helm.
          “I accept your apology, Killian, under one condition,” Emma murmured as she wove her fingers between his own. “And that condition is that you get some rest.” 
          Killian glanced down at their entwined hands. Hers were so small and felt so delicate, even though he knew that they were as capable as his of great violence. He stared at the scabs that had formed over the broken skin of his knuckles. Everything that had happened over the last day and a half caught up with him, and he suddenly felt wearier than he had in many years.
          “Aye, love, I can live with that,” Killian conceded. “Let me wake Theo so he may take the helm and I promise I’ll seek my bed.”
          “I’m right here, Captain.” Theo’s voice came from behind and Killian turned to find the other man already holding out a hand to take the wheel. With a nod of thanks, Killian allowed himself to be led to his cabin by Emma. 
          “My bed is a mite small, love, so I understand if you wish to return to your own cabin,” Killian offered, cringing slightly. 
          But Emma appeared to have been serious in granting him forgiveness, for she didn’t hesitate. She dropped the shawl she had been wearing and quickly undressed until she wore nothing but a long tunic. Killian watched, dumbfounded, as she climbed onto the bed. 
          “This is perfect,” Emma said as she slid between the blankets, with a sly smile.
          Killian chuckled. He should have known that Emma would personally ensure that he followed her instructions. He stripped quickly. Anxious though he was to join the beautiful woman waiting for him, he still took the time to make sure his coat, boots, and other clothes were placed in their proper places before climbing into bed himself in only his underdrawers. She watched him, still wearing that sly smile, plainly amused.
          “Goodnight, Killian,” Emma muttered as she curled herself along his side and settled her head on his chest.
          “Goodnight, love,” he whispered in return, already feeling the pull of sleep. With Emma’s sweet smelling hair gently drifting against his face, he allowed himself to succumb.
Chapter 12
AN: Please excuse any formatting issues with this chapter; Microsoft Word has decided to crash, repeatedly, and I am having issues copy/pasting from my documents. 
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kittensgotthequaffle · 5 years ago
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If I Die
“You miss him, don’t you?” The older woman sat next to Imogen, handing her a hot cup of cocoa. Imogen took it reluctantly, her blue eyes staring blankly at the muggle-born muggle celebrations. The tents were lit up in different colors as well as the trees surrounding their secluded campsite. No muggles or snatchers would be able to detect their presence due to the charms cast on their site. For the first time in a while, the muggle-borns who were escaping persecution were no longer afraid but celebrating. All but Imogen.
“It’s almost Christmas. We always celebrated it together.” Imogen whispered as she tore her eyes away from the festivities and to the brown depths. “I never got a chance to tell him...to really.” Imogen sniffed hard before she ran her fingers through her blonde tresses. “I always put it off because I didn’t want to fuck things up.” Imogen wanted to tell him everything. Perhaps she got swept up in Bill and Fleur’s wedding. She thought she was immune to the romantic vibe, but the way Fleur looked at Bill with such adoration made her heart direct her attention to her best friend, Ethan. It took a bit of alcohol to get the courage to drop three simple words that she about him, and a bit more to deal with any negative consequences.
She remembered making an excuse about having to use the bathroom to break away from a long conversation with one of Fleur’s bridesmaids who, much to Imogen’s annoyance, wanted to know every little thing about Ethan. It felt as though she was going through mud as she made her way through a huge crowd, her heart pounding from her chest. She was so close to touching Ethan’s arm and telling him that they needed to talk when a Patronus appeared, exclaiming that the Ministry had fallen.”
Perhaps it was the alcohol, but Imogen was frozen to the spot. Death Eaters surrounded the wedding, the guests all scrambling all around her as she remained glued, her eyes looking straight at Ethan before someone grabbed her, apparating to a cottage in the middle of the woods.
Imogen couldn’t remember much after that. The owners of the cottage looked too perfect to imagine, the husband looking much like Ethan, except for the dark eyes, and his wife looking almost ethereal.
“If you have any ideas of where he may be, you need to contact him. ‘Ethan’ is the only word that has passed her lips. If we can give her an ounce of comfort, perhaps that could be the key to getting her well again.” The woman said in a hushed tone. A few days later, Imogen could hear them speak quietly, their voices barely reach above the crackling of the fire.
“It’s getting more dangerous, Logan. Death Eaters are frequenting the bakery. As a Kyteler, they feel more bold about using my bakery as a place to celebrate their cruelness. I have not said a word but served them silently. However, Bellatrix has mentioned you, as though you would be willing to fight for their cause and persuade Ethan to do the same. Our marriage is in danger of being exposed, as well as our part with the resistance. I fear our guest is no longer safe here.”
Imogen found herself underground, in hiding with muggle-borns. It was Lupin and a pregnant Tonks who told her that Ethan was okay and safe. “Do you think Ethan Black would want you moping around and sitting on your arse, waiting?” Tonks said. “He’s currently doing all he can, and if I tell him that you’re lying around in some sort of catatonic state because you think you’re all alone now, you think he’d be happy? Now, go take a shower, brush your hair, put something in your stomach, and get the fuck up and do something!”
So there she was, in charge of the Muggle-Born escape route to the ship the awaited to take them to safety, away from the grasp of Voldemort and his crew. She kept busy, but it was the night that plagued her. It was wishing that they were underneath the bleachers, her head against her best friend’s chest as he kissed her forehead. It was both of them sharing a huge armchair as they exchanged gifts while drunk off rum. It was the safety they gave each other as they passed out from copious amounts of alcohol, but not before whispering “Happy Christmas” to each other while the fire slowly fizzled out. It was the urge to tell him that she loved him, in case something were to happen to either of them.
“Mr. Lupin will be stopping by camp tonight to deliver Molly’s dinner for the camp. Write Ethan a letter so he can deliver it to him, or find someone who can. And enjoy the Holidays, love.” The woman left parchment and quill in her wake, leaving Imogen alone in front of her tent.
Super Trouper,
It’s been months since I’ve seen you, and those months seem to slowly creep by. I honestly don’t remember life without you in it. It really sucks. Everyone here is in good spirits, though. We’re close to the extraction point and will probably hit it by New Year if all goes well. There is talk we’re being trailed, but I doubled back with Talon. Ask Moony about it, he can tell you more.
I worry about you, Super Trouper. I really hope you’re not being stupid and playing hero. Playing hero can get you killed these days, especially with a last name like yours. I keep listening to Potterwatch, and whenever your name is mentioned, I always feel like they’re going to tell me you’re a casualty. Daisy, the woman that helped me keep organized, has to deal with my craziness when I hear you’re okay. I’m so scared that one day, they’re going to say that you’re dead. I don’t know what I’d do.
That night at the wedding, I wanted to tell you something. I’m not sure if I want to write it down on paper because I won’t be able to see your reaction. At the same time, it’s been bugging me a lot recently. I’m scared that if our camp gets attacked, you’ll never know how I feel about you. I guess that sort of gives it away. I don’t want to know if you are indifferent about me or only think of me as a best friend or sister or whatever. If I were to die tomorrow, I’d rather die selfishly knowing that I told you how I feel (sort of) and with the thought that maybe you feel the same way. Maybe I’m not just the sidekick or best friend. I know I’m not like the other girls who spend more time in the bathroom to look perfect to have a simple conversation with you or one of those girly girls that are on Witch Weekly that the twins and almost every heterosexual guy I know has their wall. I just...really care about you, more than friend, and more than just a stupid crush.
Enough with the weird shit. Moony should be here soon with food from Mama for the camp and I want to make sure the ink is dry before I fold it up. I hope you’re doing well and you’re safe.
Your best friend,
Love,
With love,
Happy Christmas,
Kitten
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do-no-harm-spencer · 7 years ago
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Pretending I Don’t Feel Misplaced (SL with @IWillNotFade @InColdDecember and @EverSoPatiently)
Tati: *Doc had called a million times asking me to stop. Telling me that he was coming to find me. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hide from him, but I couldn’t face Leah or Logan after I had walked away from everyone. I knew they blamed me. They hated me for leaving. For not being willing to help. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to face Malachi. He was just too much. I wasn’t willing to let myself be a pawn like he was.
 They claimed they weren’t going to use me as a weapon. Logan claimed he could play with my shifting. It wasn’t the shifting I was concerned about. It had never been the shifting. It was my temperament as a wolf that terrified me. I knew I was vicious. The only person I could be around when I shifted was Doc. But even that was a touchy subject. I didn’t trust myself around Spencer. I wanted to. I wanted to let him be beside me every step of the way. But this wasn’t easy for me. It hadn’t ever been easy.
 I felt myself shiver as I settled on a down tree branch. No matter what, I kept moving. I knew it was a matter of time until Spencer found a way to find me. But I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how he was going to find me. I didn’t know if Leah and Logan were going to be with him, or if he was going to be alone.
 To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure I trusted Leah and Logan. I didn’t know if the two of them had what was best for me in mind when they tried to get me to be a part of their pack. In fact, I knew they didn’t. They were thinking about what was the best move for the pack. What was the best move to take down the St. Pierre pack. I didn’t hold that against them. But I stood by the fact that they didn’t know what they were asking of me.
 It was a scenario I had let go through my mind a million times. What if I did let Logan manipulate my genes? He claimed that he could give me the power to shift at will. But was I crazy to not trust the magic he was offering? I didn’t trust anyone. It was something that was always in the back of my mind. I was going to be used as a weapon. It was what the other wolves in my father’s pack had wanted. But my father knew it wasn’t fair to me. So he let me go. And issued the warning that if anyone came for me, they were dead. Even if I wasn’t a part of that pack, I was still his daughter. I always would be.
 I could have run back there. Arkansas was only a few miles away. I knew I was sitting close to the border. But I also knew that if I did go there, Spencer was going to find me. But I knew I needed to stop. I needed Spencer in a way I hadn’t ever needed, or wanted, anyone before. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to give him every part of me. But I wasn’t entirely sure how to do it. I didn’t know how to open myself up to him.
 Pulling out my phone, I sent him one message. I didn’t know if it would bring him to me, or drive him away, but I needed something. I needed him to know that I loved him. It was the only way he knew I was giving him something. I wasn’t sure if he was going to accept it, but I needed him to know that I was trying.* There’s a wooded area off of route 167 just before you cross the border into Arkansas.
 Spencer: -I didn’t even have to pick my phone up to know it was Tati texting me. I’d set her tones to something different than everyone else a million years ago. The sound alone told me everything I needed to know. I’d been trying to call her since she ran out that door, but I knew better than to think she was going to answer me. The fact that she was texting me now was more of a surprise than I cared to admit out loud.
 This wasn’t the first time that Tati had run away. She had a habit of avoiding everyone, even me, when things became too much for her to handle, when the time came for her to shift or when she just couldn’t take any more of the world. I’d learned not to take it personally a long time ago, but sometimes it was hard. This time was one of those times.
 The thing was, this time, I was already out looking for her. I hadn’t known where to begin, but Beezer had. He’d scented her at least this far, and judging from her text, we didn’t have much farther to go. I had no clue how she was going to react once we got there a whole hell of a lot faster than we probably should have. All I could do was take a deep breath and let the two weres who’d come with me this far know what the message had said.-
 So, she just messaged me. -glancing over at Beezer and Aurora with a soft exhale before I continued- She’s not far. A grassy area off route 167. Do you know it? Because I do if you don’t.
 -I’d passed it before, without knowing it was the place she would run to. Maybe it was where she always went, maybe it was somewhere else, a random place she’d just picked out of the blue. I had no way of knowing. I could only hope that she wouldn’t freak out when I didn’t show up alone and run again, this time to somewhere we wouldn’t be able to find.
 I grabbed my phone and tapped out a reply- I’ll be there soon. -sending it before I slid my phone back into my pocket, mind churning to try to figure out what to do when we got there. I didn’t know if I should go out and speak to her on my own before I let her know the other two were there or what. I knew she would probably know they were coming before she saw them, that she would smell them on the wind before she scented me if the wind was right. I had no clue what I was doing here. I just needed to find her.-
 Rora:  ^As soon as Doc said she was in the area just off of 167, I knew where she was. It was a place I had visited one time, but I felt myself take in a breath of air. I didn’t like thinking of that time. I couldn’t ignore the look from Mal, though. And I knew I was going to have to explain to him why I knew it. But I also knew that we didn’t need to go barging in like we owned the place. As we pulled off the road, I let my hand rest on Mal’s arm.^ We can’t go to her just yet. Doc needs to talk to her alone. He’ll help in getting her to listen to us.
 ^I knew Mal didn’t like sending Spencer to talk to her alone. He didn’t know what was in these woods. But I knew what was here. It was relatively safe. Derrick was back in New Orleans with Mal’s family. I couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on there. I could imagine it, though. They were doing everything to prepare for battle. I knew Derrick. I knew what a battle meant to him. And if the stories Mal had told me were anything to go by, I knew that he would fit in with the St. Pierre’s.^ She doesn’t know you like I do. She knows the horror stories of your father’s pack, though. She knows you were used as a weapon, Mal. She has never seen you when we’re together. She doesn’t know that you can be the sweetest guy in the world. She doesn’t understand that.
 ^Taking a breath, I brought my leg up and folded it under me. As I turned to face Mal, I was struck by his beauty. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to acknowledge it, but he was handsome. I had learned to stop telling him, though. All he saw were the scars and injuries. I saw them for what they were, marks of a survivor.^ When you’re alone, you’re a lot to take in. And that’s when you’re not a wolf. You know that as a wolf you’re big and imposing. You could give her a run for her money if you wanted to control her.
 ^Putting a hand up as Mal went to rebuke me, I gave him a look.^ I know you would never do it. I know that you hate what your father made you into. I know that’s why you and Leah are still together after all this time. But Tatiana doesn’t understand that. Logan and Leah might not understand, but she kept herself away from us for a reason. Not only does she not have control as a wolf, she’s in the same space as you. And everything she knows about you makes her scared. So she kept herself at arms length to protect everyone, even herself. You can’t give her another reason to be afraid of you, Malachi. She needs to see what I see. She needs to understand that you’re not the wolf your father or brothers are. She needs to know that you don’t want to use her as a weapon.
 Mal: -I made myself listen as my wife talked, despite my gut instinct being to disagree with her. I knew she was right. It wasn't what she was trying to tell me that I thought was wrong. It was just that I knew Tatiana’s gut reaction to me was the one I'd been fighting all my life not to be. My father had wanted me to be this fighting machine, a tool that he could wield as he and then my older brother saw fit. I wouldn't have used the power I had to control another, not when it was exactly what had been done to me. But I also knew Tatiana had no way of knowing that.
 She didn't know me, not at all, and I'd only ever caught glimpses of her in passing during the few times she'd been at the treehouse. I knew I could be intimidating. I was almost as big as my brother, and I was faster. It gave me the advantage in a fight and it was pretty evident to anyone who knew anything about a fight at first glance. I wasn't a fool. Never mind the scars I'd been left with after years of fighting both on behalf of my family and on my own just for survival after I left. I was strong, but I wasn't invincible.
 I'd been brought along to help find her. Doc was the one she was tied to, and as nervous as letting him go in to find her alone made me, I knew it was a necessary evil. I was still going to be on edge as all this happened though. There was no getting around any of that. If she saw me coming, her first instinct was going to be to run. He was going to have to soften her up for me to be able to get even close enough to her to get a word in. And there were a few words I needed to get in.
 There wasn't anyone here who understood that fear of being used for what you were quite like I did. There was more than a bit of terror in not being in control of yourself during a shift. The ability to recall what had happened when I shifted came and went with the moods of my wolf. If he had business he didn't want me to know about, I wasn't going to remember a moment of it. If he allowed, I would have perfect recognition. I supposed it was his way of protecting me from knowing about how he took care of business. And I supposed it was a mercy, but I was never in control.
 Reaching out to run a hand along Rora’s arm until my fingers found hers and I gave her hand a squeeze, keeping it there even after I could have pulled away- Then Doc goes in first, but I want to talk to her. I need her to know what's real. At least I need to try to tell her. I don't know how much good it will do.
 Spencer: -Beezer and Aurora were talking along the edge of the road, but I paid them little attention. I didn’t know what was passing between the two of them at the moment, perhaps it wasn’t my place to know. I did know them both well enough to know that they were going to try to help as much as they could. I’d tried before to explain a little to Tati about him, but she couldn’t get past the last name. I’d heard of the St. Pierre’s. I’d been in Louisiana for awhile now, and there was no way to be a part of the shifter world here without hearing about them. I had to admit that it gave me pause at first. His name, combined with his size, was enough to frighten anyone. I couldn’t blame her for that.
 But I’d gotten to know him since his arrival, at least on a few occasions. He didn’t remember what happened when he shifted, and he had a tendency to come back from those sessions with a wound or two. I’d forced him to come see me about the worst of them, the ones he couldn’t take care of himself. They healed fast, but they could still get infected, and they had a rough time coming back from something during the full moon when all their energy was focused on the animal within.
 He was a lot like her. He had a hard time controlling his shifting from time to time, but mostly he had a hard time controlling the wolf that came out. It was merciful enough to block him from remembering what it got up to when it was more than the man could handle. In truth, he was a giant, but he was fairly soft spoken and gentle. The man and the wolf were two different, albeit connected things. The scientist in me found him fascinating. He was bred to be a weapon, and he’d overcome all of that breeding and training to be what he had become.
 But I also understood why Tatiana was frightened. If I’d grown up with stories of what the family could get up to, I would be just as terrified. I had the advantage of coming at everything here from an outsider’s perspective.
 I left the two of them behind. I needed to go in first to try to explain to Tati what was going on, why the two of them were here and just pray she didn’t run again. The clearing wasn’t far from the highway, though it was concealed by a stand of trees I needed to make my way around to come out into the open. I had no idea what to expect when i walked into the clearing. She’d all but asked me to come with that text message, so I could only assume she wanted me to find her.
 My eyes darted around the clearing, looking for any sign of her as I called out her name- Tati? -The uncertainly in my voice was clear. She was here somewhere. I knew that much at least.-
 Tati: *I heard Spencer calling out, and I had been right. It hadn’t taken that long for him to come looking for me. It also helped that he knew where I was running to. I just knew that there was a risk with walking over the border into Arkansas. I knew that there was a chance I was going to be looked for. And I wasn’t about to go there. I wasn’t ready to give myself up to any one pack. I didn’t trust any person enough to be with a pack. In truth, Spencer was my pack. He was the only one I cared about.
 Stepping out into the clearing, I took a breath. My senses were heightened, so I could smell that he wasn’t alone. Or rather that he hadn’t been alone. But I knew he needed help in finding me.* I can’t do it, Spencer. I can’t let them do that to me. Am I insane for not being sure about Logan’s magic? Am I stupid for not being willing to see if it works?
 *My nerves were shot. There was no way to explain it. But I needed him to see my side of everything, and that had never been an issue with Spencer. He understood me in a way no one else understood. We had spent so much time talking about everything. He knew my fears and my reactions better than I did.* I understand that this is their family, and they want to do everything in their power to protect it, but am I crazy for wanting to protect myself?
 Spencer: -I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared, but there was more behind it than that. She wasn’t just scared of Beezer. It was what he represented that terrified Tati. To her, he was everything she was afraid of being. I raked a hand through my hair listening to her as I slowly approached the edge of the clearing she’d appeared from.
 I needed to be closer to her, needed her to be able to look into my eyes so she could see that I meant what I was saying.- Tati, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I’d be mad if you didn’t. Don’t give up anything without a fight. That’s not who you are. I don’t expect you to just let anyone do anything to you.
 -I was close enough to touch her, though I didn’t. I just let the distance between us close to almost nothing.- I know you know I didn’t come alone. They’re waiting at the car, but I won’t let them come in here if you don’t want them to.
 -I couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I wanted to take care of her for all the fact that she was in truth much stronger than I was.-
 Tati: *I could only press my face against Spencer’s hand as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I wanted to pretend that none of this was dangerous. I wanted to think that none of this had happened. We weren’t running for our lives. I wasn’t putting everyone in jeopardy by running. But I knew I was protecting them when they couldn’t see what I was for themselves. I was more concerned with them than they were. They were only thinking of the temporary. The immediate danger. They didn’t understand long term. They didn’t understand that this was my life.
 But as I relaxed against Spencer, I was hit with the sudden realization that it wasn’t Leah and Logan who had come with him. He had said they were in the car. He never said who it was. And him not telling me who it was should have been the biggest clue that he was hiding something. And I wasn’t going to like what he was going to tell me.* You didn’t, Spencer. Tell me you didn’t come with Beezer. Of all the people, you know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about why you thought that was a good idea.
 *I felt myself start to tremble as I thought about Beezer being so close. The man that was the physical representation of my fear. I didn’t know how to act around him. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of what he was. I was terrified that someone would do that to me. And it was something I ran from. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to see it.* If you thought him talking to me was going to be the best idea, you’re mistaken. You know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about it.
 Rora: ^I had given Doc the benefit of the doubt, but this was getting to be a little much. I could see Mal fidgeting, and I knew I needed to get him out of the car. I needed him to get some fresh air. I needed him to relax. Because the truth was that he was going to lose it. And that was when things were going to get dangerous.
 I wasn’t going to let him go to her, though. As I stepped out of the car, I lifted my hand towards him. It was a beckoning. I wanted him with me, and I knew he wasn’t going to let me go far without him. I wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of me being pregnant, but I wasn’t allowed to be on my own. And it was okay. I knew he was trying to protect me. They both were. But I knew how to protect him, as well.
 With my hand entwined with his, we started towards the clearing where I knew Tatiana was going to be. And I heard what she was saying. And I understood it to a degree. I could see the pain written on my husband’s face though. And that was the thing that Tatiana had never understood. She didn’t get that this wasn’t someone he wanted to be. He didn’t want people to fear him. It was something he hated about himself. My voice was soft as I walked into the clearing. I gave Doc a small smile as I walked forward.^ We didn’t bring Mal along to talk to you. It’s quite the opposite. I was brought along to talk to you. Mal came because he’s my shadow. Especially with this baby. He’s concerned about keeping it safe. He’s worried about keeping me safe. The last thing he wants is for anyone to be used like he’s been used.
 ^Coming to stand in front of Tati, I let out a soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for any of us involved. But I knew it was going to be painful if it all came from Mal. So I felt the words start to tumble from my lips.^ Mal wasn’t always a blackout wolf. It was a side effect of his training. And I am eternally grateful to that wolf of his. He protects my husband when I can’t. When no one else was able to, the wolf has always protected Mal.
 ^Casting a glance over my shoulder, I looked at my husband who was doing everything to not hear what I was saying. He didn’t want to admit any of this to anyone, but I knew the truth. Tatiana needed to hear this. She needed to know that this wasn’t something Mal wanted to do.^ Mal knows what it’s like to be used as a weapon. I understand why you’re terrified of him. But it’s not him that you’re afraid of. I know that, too. I know that you’re afraid of everything Mal was taught to be. But I can tell you that he’s not going to let that happen to you. You can say you’re protecting yourself, but the truth is that you’re protecting everyone else. Let Mal protect you.
 Mal: -Mal… Malachi. That name I hadn’t heard for a long damned time off anyone’s lips but Rora’s. It belonged there. No one had called me that since I was small, when my mother would call me in for dinner or from upstairs to come down for chores and school. Beezer had been the name of choice for the rest of the world. The name my brother’s had given me when Zeke gave me a broken nose as a seven year old.
 I knew Tatiana was terrified of me. I knew most people were. Leah and Rora were the rare exceptions. I couldn’t help how I was perceived by the rest of the world. I was what I was. My father had seen to that. But I was a lot more than that. Tati only saw the part that my father had wanted to project to the rest of the world.
 Rora wasn’t wrong about the wolf. He and I had been bred to be weapons. The blackouts had been trained into me to keep me from objecting or even knowing what was going on when my father was in control. But the wolf had kept them in place when we left. As much as I hated not remembering, at times it was merciful.
 I kept my distance as the two of them spoke, but I couldn’t help but overhear what they were saying. My ears could have picked up their gentle conversation at twice the distance even if I tried not to pay attention to it. They were talking about me. The thought made me uncomfortable enough without hearing exactly what they had to say about me.
 I could feel my chest tighten at the words that came from their mouths. Tati clearly didn’t want me here, and I couldn’t blame her for that. My wife was insistent that here was the very place I needed to be. Tati was afraid of not me, but of becoming me. I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but if she thought Leah was going to use her the way my father had used me, she was mistaken. It wasn’t something she would even do, but if she tried, I’d have refused to allow it. There was no way I was going to let that happen to someone else the way it had happened to me whether I knew them or not.
 I could only step forward, coming close enough to the three of them to make certain I was heard as I spoke- She’s not wrong… She never is really. -shaking my head before I ran a hand roughly over my face, taking a deep breath.- I’d die before I let someone get used the way that I was. I didn’t have anyone to fight for me, and the one person who tried to protect me paid for it with her life. -I took a deep breath, holding back the emotion I could feel welling in my chest, the wolf pacing slightly at the tension that wrought in my frame, though I knew he was going to stay put for now, at least- Protecting everyone else and protecting yourself… Those don’t have to be something you do on your own.
 Tati:*I was a little surprised when Beezer walked up to me. But he still kept his distance. Like he knew all of this was hard on me. The running had been the worst. Leaving Spencer behind was something I never wanted to do. I didn’t like the thought of leaving him. But I knew the truth. He loved his work with Leah. He loved being there for them. He wanted to give them a safe haven. He didn’t want them to have to answer questions. So he played doctor with them. He gave them the reassurances they needed. He was finding a home.
 I wasn’t sure what I was finding. But the truth was I didn’t know what the next step was supposed to be. I could only tell them what had happened in the kitchen of the Treehouse. I needed Beezer and Aurora to know the truth of what had happened.* Have you ever been told you have the choice of doing something? But really the choice has already been made? That’s what Leah and Logan did to me. I didn’t get a choice with them. They told me I didn’t have to fight with them. They told me I could walk away from it. But when I told them that I didn’t want to be a part of the fight, I got bullied. I got told that if I didn’t fight, the fight was going to find me anyway. So, essentially, it didn’t matter if I didn’t want to fight. I was fighting.
 *I felt myself lean against Spencer as the tears started to well in my eyes. I didn’t know how much Mal knew about the discussion with Leah, but he needed to know the truth. I had no idea how they had gotten him to come. I wasn’t sure what lies people had told him.* I have never had control over myself when I shift. And that is okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve figured out how to protect Spencer. That’s all I’ve been able to focus on for the past few years.  
 *I felt the tension in my body as I thought about how many years it had taken before I knew what the hell was going on with me. And in that time to learn how to protect Spencer from when I changed. It was a very long process.* I may have more time to practice, but all of that goes out the window for two weeks every three months. It takes every ounce of control to go somewhere where I won’t hurt people when it’s time to shift. Leah and Logan are now asking me to try to learn everything again. Even with Logan manipulating me into shifting whenever I want, the problem of my temperament remains. Should I risk everyone around me? Are you willing to risk Rora and the baby if I don’t have control when I shift?
 Mal: -I didn’t have the answers that Tati seemed to so desperately want, and the sheer mention of risking Rora and the baby had my wolf straining at the bars that held him in tenuously in place. I could hear the doubt and fear in her voice. I had no way of convincing her that she was going to be able to do this, and I could tell that she had no faith in her or Logan’s ability to make this work.
 She was telling me Leah and Logan had pushed her into this corner, one where she got told to shit or get off the pot before she got slapped across the face that this was going to happen whether she liked it or not. I knew Leah. I knew she wasn’t exactly a bully, but that she was going to do whatever she needed to do to protect the house and the people in it, which included Tati whether she believed it or not.
 I kept my voice soft for the moment, though I couldn’t stop the deep rumble that came with the effort of holding the wolf within me at bay- I thought the same thing the first time I shifted around her, around any of them. The black wolf in me… -shaking my head for the moment as I thought about the things that he’d done- he is ruthless, and I’ve seen the aftermath of the things he’s done. He was trained to be a killing machine. That’s all I was supposed to be good for. I can’t make you any promises except this one. Whenever you shift, he will be there. And I can promise you there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to protect his family. I know you know me… even if I don’t know you. At least you know me by reputation, and I can’t say I blame you for being scared.
 I can’t tell you all of this is going to turn out alright. I can’t tell you my family isn’t going to come in teeth bared and snarling and take us all down. But I have to fight for what I’ve found. Life isn’t worth living without it. I was born into a family that only wanted me for what I could do for them. I stumbled into one that would do anything for me instead. You can be a part of that too. I know what it’s like to shut the world away, to keep yourself apart to protect others. It’s part of protecting yourself too. I’ve been there.
 I spent a long time on my own before I came here with Leah. She was the first person who took me in and made me part of her life when I had nothing to offer her. She’s ruthless too when it comes to protecting what she loves, but I’ll keep her in check, even if no one else can. She hates this whole alpha thing. I can’t say I blame her. It wasn’t the life either of us wanted exactly. She does the best she can with it.
 -I knew I was babbling. I was a little nervous. And I wasn’t sure I could convince Tatiana of anything, especially when I wasn’t good with words. Reaching out for Rora’s hand, I threaded my fingers between hers and drew her into my side.- I’ll protect my family. And I don’t just mean Rora and the baby… -trying to catch Tatiana’s eyes with my own- The offer to be a part of the family is there if you want to take it, the protection too. I won’t let them push you past what you’re capable of doing, but I think you’re capable of a lot more than you know.
 -I could smell the fear on her, but I could smell the wolf too. I’d scented her in the woods around the Treehouse on occasion, but that occasion was rare. I knew she kept to herself, and I’d let her. I knew that need to be a loner better than most around here. Leah knew it too, though for her it was for an entirely different reason.- Go ahead and slap me if I’m wrong here. I won’t stop you. And I won’t stop you from running if it’s the thing you need to do.
 Rora: ^I could only shake my head at Mal. The truth was that he was intense on a good day. On a bad day, he was downright intimidating. And I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of a day this was for him. It could be a good day when he thought he was being intense. But to Tatiana, it could be a bad day. Taking a breath, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in again. But this time, I turned my attention back to my husband. I could see him with that singular focus. He was defending Leah, and didn’t understand what it was like for outsiders. It was the same thing I had gone through the first time I had met Leah. He was underestimating Tatiana.^ Malachi. Take a breath, and listen to her.
 ^Moving to put myself in my husband’s line of sight, I needed him to see that this was serious. I had to make him realize that his blind trust in Leah didn’t always work for everyone. It hadn’t been a comfort to me, and it wasn’t a comfort to Tatiana.^ You’re making the same assumption that Leah made. You know your wolf because he is a part of you. You know that he was taught to be a killing machine. But the problem that you, Leah, and Logan are all overlooking is that Tatiana knows her wolf as well as you know yours.
 ^I couldn’t help the tinge of disappointment in my tone. Everyone wanted what was best for the Treehouse. They wanted what was best for the people living there. They wanted to get everyone they knew into the fight. But they didn’t want to listen when there was something to take into consideration.^ This isn’t about being like you. This isn’t about her being a weapon. This is about Tatiana being afraid to put everyone around her at risk. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And that’s something she’s afraid of. It’s a valid point, Mal. What if she can’t control herself when she shifts? What if her temperament doesn’t change, and she’s still as vicious as she is now? Should we risk everyone’s life with someone that doesn’t actually want to hurt us?
 Malachi: -I locked eyes with my wife and instantly felt like an asshole. I knew I was being pushy, but I had a hard time turning down the intensity a lot of the time, even when I could sympathize with Tatiana. It would be easy to sit here and beat myself up about it. I was good at that, but it wouldn’t get anything done.
 I had to stop and take a breath, consider everything from someone else’s point of view. It wasn’t just about the what if’s. There was history there, and Tatiana knew it better than any of us, even Doc. I needed to listen to her.- Then I owe her an apology. I have to think that this is all going to work out, because I can’t think about the alternative, Angel. If it gives me tunnel vision, then I have to fight against it. Just keep reminding me.
 -The last thing I wanted was to get so single minded that I let it turn me into my father. He would have used anyone he could to get to the ends he sought after. And while his were always selfish, the fact that mine weren’t didn’t mean that the ends justified the means.
 I moved to be able to look Tatiana in the eye- Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it’s like for you. I can only tell you what it’s like for me. I wouldn’t want to put any of the people here or back at the house in danger, and I wouldn’t want to put you in the position of being responsible for it. It is a valid point. I just can’t help but hope that things will be different. In the end, it’s your call. I promise you that. It’s my fault that you’re in this position to start with, and I couldn’t begin to apologize enough for all of that.
 -I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wasn’t wrong, and I felt like I needed Tatiana’s help, but in the end it was her decision to make, not mine or anyone else’s to make for her- If you want to stay, I’ll help you. I’ll make sure no one else is around when you shift until you’re sure that you’re safe. If you want to run, I’ll make sure you get where you’re going safely. Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll stand behind that one hundred percent.
 Tati: *I could only nod my head as Beezer apologized. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of his offer, though. Was this something I wanted to do? Did I truly want to see if I could take control of my wolf? It was a silent need, though. I hated that I needed to protect Doc every time I went to shift. There was still so much going through my head, though.
 There was something about Logan’s magic that I wasn’t sure I trusted. I didn’t like how he could make promises of me shifting. I didn’t trust how sure he was of everything. But maybe it was just Logan himself. The first time we had met, and he basically threatened my life without saying the words. He was great at manipulating those around him to get what he wanted. I knew it wasn’t that way with Leah, but he had tried to do it to me. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to be put under his thumb that way. I let my eyes go between Mal and Spencer’s before I took a breath. Letting my gaze fall on Spence, I shrugged my shoulders.* The only thing I have ever wanted was to be safe for you to be around. I hate leaving you when I shift. I hate that you’re in danger for any amount of time. If you think this is a risk I shouldn’t take, please say the word. I won’t do this if you don’t think this is a good idea.
 Spencer: -I’d been studying Tatiana for a long time, longer than we’d been together. It was how we’d met each other. I had found a few of the answers she was looking for, but I was far from figuring it all out. The truth of the matter was, she had to leave whenever Mars was in retrograde. There was no way I was going to be safe around her until she could control herself, and at the moment, control was far from what she was capable of. I had no way of knowing if any of this would work. My world was steeped in the paranormal, but it was also grounded in the scientific. I’d done the best I could at consolidating both of the realms into one, but there were times when I couldn’t explain or predict things at all. This was one of those times.
 I had two options here, and I was fairly certain Tati would listen to whichever I chose. I could be selfish either way, even when that wasn’t in my nature. I could take her away from all of this and go back to living the fairly quiet life we were leading, even if it meant walking away from the work I’d done here. For her, it was worth it.
 Or I could stay, and chance this with her, just for the ability to be with her all the time, not having to have one or the other of us hide when she  was out of control. Being in control would mean the world to her. It would mean she was in charge even when the wolf was out. It was something she never thought she was going to have. And in the end I thought that was worth a try, even if it didn’t work. -  
 I think it’s worth a shot, Tati. You’ll never know what you’re capable of unless you try, and this is the safest way I can think of attempting it. I’ve seen him shift. If it’s just the two of you, he’ll be safe, and be able to protect anyone else from you if you can’t keep control. Go far enough away and even that won’t be an issue until you’re ready for it to be. It can go slowly, as slowly as you want. I say you set the terms of all of this. Let it be completely in your hands, not anyone else’s call.
 Tati: *I nodded my head at Spencer’s words. He was right. This had to be on my own terms. I couldn’t do this for anyone else. It was something that I needed to do for me. There was no other way I could think of it. Turning my attention back to Beezer, I nodded my head.*
 Spencer is absolutely right. This has to be on my terms. We do this as far away from anyone at the treehouse as possible. And it has to be just you and me. Aurora cannot be here, Leah can’t be here. The only time Logan can be around is to do his thing with my shifting. He can’t be there for the training. I won’t think twice about going after him.
 *I could only bite my lip as I thought about the next part of the request. I wasn’t sure it was something that could be pulled off, but they’d have to figure it out. I couldn’t change my thoughts on Logan right now. Not with what he had said or made me feel. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to trust him. And me agreeing to this was more for Spencer and Beezer than it was for Logan and Leah.*
 There has to be another witch there when he does his thing. I don’t trust him to do something more. I don’t care if you don’t think he will, I don’t trust him. He has shown me that he is nothing more than a guy that will do anything in his power to get what he wants. I will let him do his thing, but he has to watched by someone else. That’s my offer. Take it or I leave with Spencer.
 Mal: -I listened, and heard the demand in her voice. She wasn’t wrong, though. She didn’t know Logan that well. None of us really did except for Leah. That meant I trusted him, just because she did, but it didn’t mean anything for Tati. The only encounter she’d ever had with him had been him telling her to basically shit or get off the pot. Asking for a second opinion was just common sense. And I knew just who needed to be around.
 I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be around during the training, and most certainly not Rora. So everything she said was making sense at the moment. Things were falling into place, and if we were careful, they just might turn out the way we wanted- Then we do it your way, Tatiana. No one needs to be around but you and I. I wouldn’t want any of them nearby until we’re certain you can trust yourself. Hell, I’m still nervous about shifting around some of them. Not Rora, because my wolf would die before he let her or the baby be hurt, but other people, yeah. He can have a mind of his own, but he’s usually ok with people he likes.
 As for another witch… -glancing over at my wife with a soft smile- I think Rora and I know just the person. It shouldn’t be too hard to get her here either. Not if I know her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what was up before we got to her as a matter of fact. So, if you’re game. So am I. All that’s left to do is get our asses back to the Treehouse and get this show back on the road.
 -I slid my hands in my pockets with a smile. Things had changed quite a bit since we pulled over at the side of the road. The woman who had been terrified to even be around me was now insistent that I be around to make sure everyone else was safe around her, to work with her to make sure she could control her wolf. I knew I was in for a lot of work with her, but if I could save her even a quarter of the heartache I’d been through with everything then it would be worth every moment of it. I could only hope I was up to the job.-
#PretendingIDontFeelMisplaced
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krissysbookshelf · 7 years ago
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incolddecember-blog · 7 years ago
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Pretending I Don't Feel Misplaced (SL with @EverSoPatiently, @DoNoHarm_, and @IWillNotFade)
Tati: *Doc had called a million times asking me to stop. Telling me that he was coming to find me. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hide from him, but I couldn’t face Leah or Logan after I had walked away from everyone. I knew they blamed me. They hated me for leaving. For not being willing to help. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to face Malachi. He was just too much. I wasn’t willing to let myself be a pawn like he was. They claimed they weren’t going to use me as a weapon. Logan claimed he could play with my shifting. It wasn’t the shifting I was concerned about. It had never been the shifting. It was my temperament as a wolf that terrified me. I knew I was vicious. The only person I could be around when I shifted was Doc. But even that was a touchy subject. I didn’t trust myself around Spencer. I wanted to. I wanted to let him be beside me every step of the way. But this wasn’t easy for me. It hadn’t ever been easy. I felt myself shiver as I settled on a down tree branch. No matter what, I kept moving. I knew it was a matter of time until Spencer found a way to find me. But I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how he was going to find me. I didn’t know if Leah and Logan were going to be with him, or if he was going to be alone. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure I trusted Leah and Logan. I didn’t know if the two of them had what was best for me in mind when they tried to get me to be a part of their pack. In fact, I knew they didn’t. They were thinking about what was the best move for the pack. What was the best move to take down the St. Pierre pack. I didn’t hold that against them. But I stood by the fact that they didn’t know what they were asking of me. It was a scenario I had let go through my mind a million times. What if I did let Logan manipulate my genes? He claimed that he could give me the power to shift at will. But was I crazy to not trust the magic he was offering? I didn’t trust anyone. It was something that was always in the back of my mind. I was going to be used as a weapon. It was what the other wolves in my father’s pack had wanted. But my father knew it wasn’t fair to me. So he let me go. And issued the warning that if anyone came for me, they were dead. Even if I wasn’t a part of that pack, I was still his daughter. I always would be. I could have run back there. Arkansas was only a few miles away. I knew I was sitting close to the border. But I also knew that if I did go there, Spencer was going to find me. But I knew I needed to stop. I needed Spencer in a way I hadn’t ever needed, or wanted, anyone before. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to give him every part of me. But I wasn’t entirely sure how to do it. I didn’t know how to open myself up to him. Pulling out my phone, I sent him one message. I didn’t know if it would bring him to me, or drive him away, but I needed something. I needed him to know that I loved him. It was the only way he knew I was giving him something. I wasn’t sure if he was going to accept it, but I needed him to know that I was trying.* There’s a wooded area off of route 167 just before you cross the border into Arkansas. Spencer: -I didn’t even have to pick my phone up to know it was Tati texting me. I’d set her tones to something different than everyone else a million years ago. The sound alone told me everything I needed to know. I’d been trying to call her since she ran out that door, but I knew better than to think she was going to answer me. The fact that she was texting me now was more of a surprise than I cared to admit out loud. This wasn’t the first time that Tati had run away. She had a habit of avoiding everyone, even me, when things became too much for her to handle, when the time came for her to shift or when she just couldn’t take any more of the world. I’d learned not to take it personally a long time ago, but sometimes it was hard. This time was one of those times. The thing was, this time, I was already out looking for her. I hadn’t known where to begin, but Beezer had. He’d scented her at least this far, and judging from her text, we didn’t have much farther to go. I had no clue how she was going to react once we got there a whole hell of a lot faster than we probably should have. All I could do was take a deep breath and let the two weres who’d come with me this far know what the message had said.- So, she just messaged me. -glancing over at Beezer and Aurora with a soft exhale before I continued- She’s not far. A grassy area off route 167. Do you know it? Because I do if you don’t. -I’d passed it before, without knowing it was the place she would run to. Maybe it was where she always went, maybe it was somewhere else, a random place she’d just picked out of the blue. I had no way of knowing. I could only hope that she wouldn’t freak out when I didn’t show up alone and run again, this time to somewhere we wouldn’t be able to find. I grabbed my phone and tapped out a reply- I’ll be there soon. -sending it before I slid my phone back into my pocket, mind churning to try to figure out what to do when we got there. I didn’t know if I should go out and speak to her on my own before I let her know the other two were there or what. I knew she would probably know they were coming before she saw them, that she would smell them on the wind before she scented me if the wind was right. I had no clue what I was doing here. I just needed to find her.- Rora: ^As soon as Doc said she was in the area just off of 167, I knew where she was. It was a place I had visited one time, but I felt myself take in a breath of air. I didn’t like thinking of that time. I couldn’t ignore the look from Mal, though. And I knew I was going to have to explain to him why I knew it. But I also knew that we didn’t need to go barging in like we owned the place. As we pulled off the road, I let my hand rest on Mal’s arm.^ We can’t go to her just yet. Doc needs to talk to her alone. He’ll help in getting her to listen to us. ^I knew Mal didn’t like sending Spencer to talk to her alone. He didn’t know what was in these woods. But I knew what was here. It was relatively safe. Derrick was back in New Orleans with Mal’s family. I couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on there. I could imagine it, though. They were doing everything to prepare for battle. I knew Derrick. I knew what a battle meant to him. And if the stories Mal had told me were anything to go by, I knew that he would fit in with the St. Pierre’s.^ She doesn’t know you like I do. She knows the horror stories of your father’s pack, though. She knows you were used as a weapon, Mal. She has never seen you when we’re together. She doesn’t know that you can be the sweetest guy in the world. She doesn’t understand that. ^Taking a breath, I brought my leg up and folded it under me. As I turned to face Mal, I was struck by his beauty. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to acknowledge it, but he was handsome. I had learned to stop telling him, though. All he saw were the scars and injuries. I saw them for what they were, marks of a survivor.^ When you’re alone, you’re a lot to take in. And that’s when you’re not a wolf. You know that as a wolf you’re big and imposing. You could give her a run for her money if you wanted to control her. ^Putting a hand up as Mal went to rebuke me, I gave him a look.^ I know you would never do it. I know that you hate what your father made you into. I know that’s why you and Leah are still together after all this time. But Tatiana doesn’t understand that. Logan and Leah might not understand, but she kept herself away from us for a reason. Not only does she not have control as a wolf, she’s in the same space as you. And everything she knows about you makes her scared. So she kept herself at arms length to protect everyone, even herself. You can’t give her another reason to be afraid of you, Malachi. She needs to see what I see. She needs to understand that you’re not the wolf your father or brothers are. She needs to know that you don’t want to use her as a weapon. Mal: -I made myself listen as my wife talked, despite my gut instinct being to disagree with her. I knew she was right. It wasn't what she was trying to tell me that I thought was wrong. It was just that I knew Tatiana’s gut reaction to me was the one I'd been fighting all my life not to be. My father had wanted me to be this fighting machine, a tool that he could wield as he and then my older brother saw fit. I wouldn't have used the power I had to control another, not when it was exactly what had been done to me. But I also knew Tatiana had no way of knowing that. She didn't know me, not at all, and I'd only ever caught glimpses of her in passing during the few times she'd been at the treehouse. I knew I could be intimidating. I was almost as big as my brother, and I was faster. It gave me the advantage in a fight and it was pretty evident to anyone who knew anything about a fight at first glance. I wasn't a fool. Never mind the scars I'd been left with after years of fighting both on behalf of my family and on my own just for survival after I left. I was strong, but I wasn't invincible. I'd been brought along to help find her. Doc was the one she was tied to, and as nervous as letting him go in to find her alone made me, I knew it was a necessary evil. I was still going to be on edge as all this happened though. There was no getting around any of that. If she saw me coming, her first instinct was going to be to run. He was going to have to soften her up for me to be able to get even close enough to her to get a word in. And there were a few words I needed to get in. There wasn't anyone here who understood that fear of being used for what you were quite like I did. There was more than a bit of terror in not being in control of yourself during a shift. The ability to recall what had happened when I shifted came and went with the moods of my wolf. If he had business he didn't want me to know about, I wasn't going to remember a moment of it. If he allowed, I would have perfect recognition. I supposed it was his way of protecting me from knowing about how he took care of business. And I supposed it was a mercy, but I was never in control. Reaching out to run a hand along Rora’s arm until my fingers found hers and I gave her hand a squeeze, keeping it there even after I could have pulled away- Then Doc goes in first, but I want to talk to her. I need her to know what's real. At least I need to try to tell her. I don't know how much good it will do. Spencer: -Beezer and Aurora were talking along the edge of the road, but I paid them little attention. I didn’t know what was passing between the two of them at the moment, perhaps it wasn’t my place to know. I did know them both well enough to know that they were going to try to help as much as they could. I’d tried before to explain a little to Tati about him, but she couldn’t get past the last name. I’d heard of the St. Pierre’s. I’d been in Louisiana for awhile now, and there was no way to be a part of the shifter world here without hearing about them. I had to admit that it gave me pause at first. His name, combined with his size, was enough to frighten anyone. I couldn’t blame her for that. But I’d gotten to know him since his arrival, at least on a few occasions. He didn’t remember what happened when he shifted, and he had a tendency to come back from those sessions with a wound or two. I’d forced him to come see me about the worst of them, the ones he couldn’t take care of himself. They healed fast, but they could still get infected, and they had a rough time coming back from something during the full moon when all their energy was focused on the animal within. He was a lot like her. He had a hard time controlling his shifting from time to time, but mostly he had a hard time controlling the wolf that came out. It was merciful enough to block him from remembering what it got up to when it was more than the man could handle. In truth, he was a giant, but he was fairly soft spoken and gentle. The man and the wolf were two different, albeit connected things. The scientist in me found him fascinating. He was bred to be a weapon, and he’d overcome all of that breeding and training to be what he had become. But I also understood why Tatiana was frightened. If I’d grown up with stories of what the family could get up to, I would be just as terrified. I had the advantage of coming at everything here from an outsider’s perspective. I left the two of them behind. I needed to go in first to try to explain to Tati what was going on, why the two of them were here and just pray she didn’t run again. The clearing wasn’t far from the highway, though it was concealed by a stand of trees I needed to make my way around to come out into the open. I had no idea what to expect when i walked into the clearing. She’d all but asked me to come with that text message, so I could only assume she wanted me to find her. My eyes darted around the clearing, looking for any sign of her as I called out her name- Tati? -The uncertainly in my voice was clear. She was here somewhere. I knew that much at least.- Tati: *I heard Spencer calling out, and I had been right. It hadn’t taken that long for him to come looking for me. It also helped that he knew where I was running to. I just knew that there was a risk with walking over the border into Arkansas. I knew that there was a chance I was going to be looked for. And I wasn’t about to go there. I wasn’t ready to give myself up to any one pack. I didn’t trust any person enough to be with a pack. In truth, Spencer was my pack. He was the only one I cared about. Stepping out into the clearing, I took a breath. My senses were heightened, so I could smell that he wasn’t alone. Or rather that he hadn’t been alone. But I knew he needed help in finding me.* I can’t do it, Spencer. I can’t let them do that to me. Am I insane for not being sure about Logan’s magic? Am I stupid for not being willing to see if it works? *My nerves were shot. There was no way to explain it. But I needed him to see my side of everything, and that had never been an issue with Spencer. He understood me in a way no one else understood. We had spent so much time talking about everything. He knew my fears and my reactions better than I did.* I understand that this is their family, and they want to do everything in their power to protect it, but am I crazy for wanting to protect myself? Spencer: -I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared, but there was more behind it than that. She wasn’t just scared of Beezer. It was what he represented that terrified Tati. To her, he was everything she was afraid of being. I raked a hand through my hair listening to her as I slowly approached the edge of the clearing she’d appeared from. I needed to be closer to her, needed her to be able to look into my eyes so she could see that I meant what I was saying.- Tati, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I’d be mad if you didn’t. Don’t give up anything without a fight. That’s not who you are. I don’t expect you to just let anyone do anything to you. -I was close enough to touch her, though I didn’t. I just let the distance between us close to almost nothing.- I know you know I didn’t come alone. They’re waiting at the car, but I won’t let them come in here if you don’t want them to. -I couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I wanted to take care of her for all the fact that she was in truth much stronger than I was.- Tati: *I could only press my face against Spencer’s hand as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I wanted to pretend that none of this was dangerous. I wanted to think that none of this had happened. We weren’t running for our lives. I wasn’t putting everyone in jeopardy by running. But I knew I was protecting them when they couldn’t see what I was for themselves. I was more concerned with them than they were. They were only thinking of the temporary. The immediate danger. They didn’t understand long term. They didn’t understand that this was my life. But as I relaxed against Spencer, I was hit with the sudden realization that it wasn’t Leah and Logan who had come with him. He had said they were in the car. He never said who it was. And him not telling me who it was should have been the biggest clue that he was hiding something. And I wasn’t going to like what he was going to tell me.* You didn’t, Spencer. Tell me you didn’t come with Beezer. Of all the people, you know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about why you thought that was a good idea. *I felt myself start to tremble as I thought about Beezer being so close. The man that was the physical representation of my fear. I didn’t know how to act around him. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of what he was. I was terrified that someone would do that to me. And it was something I ran from. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to see it.* If you thought him talking to me was going to be the best idea, you’re mistaken. You know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about it. Rora: ^I had given Doc the benefit of the doubt, but this was getting to be a little much. I could see Mal fidgeting, and I knew I needed to get him out of the car. I needed him to get some fresh air. I needed him to relax. Because the truth was that he was going to lose it. And that was when things were going to get dangerous. I wasn’t going to let him go to her, though. As I stepped out of the car, I lifted my hand towards him. It was a beckoning. I wanted him with me, and I knew he wasn’t going to let me go far without him. I wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of me being pregnant, but I wasn’t allowed to be on my own. And it was okay. I knew he was trying to protect me. They both were. But I knew how to protect him, as well. With my hand entwined with his, we started towards the clearing where I knew Tatiana was going to be. And I heard what she was saying. And I understood it to a degree. I could see the pain written on my husband’s face though. And that was the thing that Tatiana had never understood. She didn’t get that this wasn’t someone he wanted to be. He didn’t want people to fear him. It was something he hated about himself. My voice was soft as I walked into the clearing. I gave Doc a small smile as I walked forward.^ We didn’t bring Mal along to talk to you. It’s quite the opposite. I was brought along to talk to you. Mal came because he’s my shadow. Especially with this baby. He’s concerned about keeping it safe. He’s worried about keeping me safe. The last thing he wants is for anyone to be used like he’s been used. ^Coming to stand in front of Tati, I let out a soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for any of us involved. But I knew it was going to be painful if it all came from Mal. So I felt the words start to tumble from my lips.^ Mal wasn’t always a blackout wolf. It was a side effect of his training. And I am eternally grateful to that wolf of his. He protects my husband when I can’t. When no one else was able to, the wolf has always protected Mal. ^Casting a glance over my shoulder, I looked at my husband who was doing everything to not hear what I was saying. He didn’t want to admit any of this to anyone, but I knew the truth. Tatiana needed to hear this. She needed to know that this wasn’t something Mal wanted to do.^ Mal knows what it’s like to be used as a weapon. I understand why you’re terrified of him. But it’s not him that you’re afraid of. I know that, too. I know that you’re afraid of everything Mal was taught to be. But I can tell you that he’s not going to let that happen to you. You can say you’re protecting yourself, but the truth is that you’re protecting everyone else. Let Mal protect you. Mal: -Mal… Malachi. That name I hadn’t heard for a long damned time off anyone’s lips but Rora’s. It belonged there. No one had called me that since I was small, when my mother would call me in for dinner or from upstairs to come down for chores and school. Beezer had been the name of choice for the rest of the world. The name my brother’s had given me when Zeke gave me a broken nose as a seven year old. I knew Tatiana was terrified of me. I knew most people were. Leah and Rora were the rare exceptions. I couldn’t help how I was perceived by the rest of the world. I was what I was. My father had seen to that. But I was a lot more than that. Tati only saw the part that my father had wanted to project to the rest of the world. Rora wasn’t wrong about the wolf. He and I had been bred to be weapons. The blackouts had been trained into me to keep me from objecting or even knowing what was going on when my father was in control. But the wolf had kept them in place when we left. As much as I hated not remembering, at times it was merciful. I kept my distance as the two of them spoke, but I couldn’t help but overhear what they were saying. My ears could have picked up their gentle conversation at twice the distance even if I tried not to pay attention to it. They were talking about me. The thought made me uncomfortable enough without hearing exactly what they had to say about me. I could feel my chest tighten at the words that came from their mouths. Tati clearly didn’t want me here, and I couldn’t blame her for that. My wife was insistent that here was the very place I needed to be. Tati was afraid of not me, but of becoming me. I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but if she thought Leah was going to use her the way my father had used me, she was mistaken. It wasn’t something she would even do, but if she tried, I’d have refused to allow it. There was no way I was going to let that happen to someone else the way it had happened to me whether I knew them or not. I could only step forward, coming close enough to the three of them to make certain I was heard as I spoke- She’s not wrong… She never is really. -shaking my head before I ran a hand roughly over my face, taking a deep breath.- I’d die before I let someone get used the way that I was. I didn’t have anyone to fight for me, and the one person who tried to protect me paid for it with her life. -I took a deep breath, holding back the emotion I could feel welling in my chest, the wolf pacing slightly at the tension that wrought in my frame, though I knew he was going to stay put for now, at least- Protecting everyone else and protecting yourself… Those don’t have to be something you do on your own. Tati:*I was a little surprised when Beezer walked up to me. But he still kept his distance. Like he knew all of this was hard on me. The running had been the worst. Leaving Spencer behind was something I never wanted to do. I didn’t like the thought of leaving him. But I knew the truth. He loved his work with Leah. He loved being there for them. He wanted to give them a safe haven. He didn’t want them to have to answer questions. So he played doctor with them. He gave them the reassurances they needed. He was finding a home. I wasn’t sure what I was finding. But the truth was I didn’t know what the next step was supposed to be. I could only tell them what had happened in the kitchen of the Treehouse. I needed Beezer and Aurora to know the truth of what had happened.* Have you ever been told you have the choice of doing something? But really the choice has already been made? That’s what Leah and Logan did to me. I didn’t get a choice with them. They told me I didn’t have to fight with them. They told me I could walk away from it. But when I told them that I didn’t want to be a part of the fight, I got bullied. I got told that if I didn’t fight, the fight was going to find me anyway. So, essentially, it didn’t matter if I didn’t want to fight. I was fighting. *I felt myself lean against Spencer as the tears started to well in my eyes. I didn’t know how much Mal knew about the discussion with Leah, but he needed to know the truth. I had no idea how they had gotten him to come. I wasn’t sure what lies people had told him.* I have never had control over myself when I shift. And that is okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve figured out how to protect Spencer. That’s all I’ve been able to focus on for the past few years. *I felt the tension in my body as I thought about how many years it had taken before I knew what the hell was going on with me. And in that time to learn how to protect Spencer from when I changed. It was a very long process.* I may have more time to practice, but all of that goes out the window for two weeks every three months. It takes every ounce of control to go somewhere where I won’t hurt people when it’s time to shift. Leah and Logan are now asking me to try to learn everything again. Even with Logan manipulating me into shifting whenever I want, the problem of my temperament remains. Should I risk everyone around me? Are you willing to risk Rora and the baby if I don’t have control when I shift? Mal: -I didn’t have the answers that Tati seemed to so desperately want, and the sheer mention of risking Rora and the baby had my wolf straining at the bars that held him in tenuously in place. I could hear the doubt and fear in her voice. I had no way of convincing her that she was going to be able to do this, and I could tell that she had no faith in her or Logan’s ability to make this work. She was telling me Leah and Logan had pushed her into this corner, one where she got told to shit or get off the pot before she got slapped across the face that this was going to happen whether she liked it or not. I knew Leah. I knew she wasn’t exactly a bully, but that she was going to do whatever she needed to do to protect the house and the people in it, which included Tati whether she believed it or not. I kept my voice soft for the moment, though I couldn’t stop the deep rumble that came with the effort of holding the wolf within me at bay- I thought the same thing the first time I shifted around her, around any of them. The black wolf in me… -shaking my head for the moment as I thought about the things that he’d done- he is ruthless, and I’ve seen the aftermath of the things he’s done. He was trained to be a killing machine. That’s all I was supposed to be good for. I can’t make you any promises except this one. Whenever you shift, he will be there. And I can promise you there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to protect his family. I know you know me… even if I don’t know you. At least you know me by reputation, and I can’t say I blame you for being scared. I can’t tell you all of this is going to turn out alright. I can’t tell you my family isn’t going to come in teeth bared and snarling and take us all down. But I have to fight for what I’ve found. Life isn’t worth living without it. I was born into a family that only wanted me for what I could do for them. I stumbled into one that would do anything for me instead. You can be a part of that too. I know what it’s like to shut the world away, to keep yourself apart to protect others. It’s part of protecting yourself too. I’ve been there. I spent a long time on my own before I came here with Leah. She was the first person who took me in and made me part of her life when I had nothing to offer her. She’s ruthless too when it comes to protecting what she loves, but I’ll keep her in check, even if no one else can. She hates this whole alpha thing. I can’t say I blame her. It wasn’t the life either of us wanted exactly. She does the best she can with it. -I knew I was babbling. I was a little nervous. And I wasn’t sure I could convince Tatiana of anything, especially when I wasn’t good with words. Reaching out for Rora’s hand, I threaded my fingers between hers and drew her into my side.- I’ll protect my family. And I don’t just mean Rora and the baby… -trying to catch Tatiana’s eyes with my own- The offer to be a part of the family is there if you want to take it, the protection too. I won’t let them push you past what you’re capable of doing, but I think you’re capable of a lot more than you know. -I could smell the fear on her, but I could smell the wolf too. I’d scented her in the woods around the Treehouse on occasion, but that occasion was rare. I knew she kept to herself, and I’d let her. I knew that need to be a loner better than most around here. Leah knew it too, though for her it was for an entirely different reason.- Go ahead and slap me if I’m wrong here. I won’t stop you. And I won’t stop you from running if it’s the thing you need to do. Rora: ^I could only shake my head at Mal. The truth was that he was intense on a good day. On a bad day, he was downright intimidating. And I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of a day this was for him. It could be a good day when he thought he was being intense. But to Tatiana, it could be a bad day. Taking a breath, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in again. But this time, I turned my attention back to my husband. I could see him with that singular focus. He was defending Leah, and didn’t understand what it was like for outsiders. It was the same thing I had gone through the first time I had met Leah. He was underestimating Tatiana.^ Malachi. Take a breath, and listen to her. ^Moving to put myself in my husband’s line of sight, I needed him to see that this was serious. I had to make him realize that his blind trust in Leah didn’t always work for everyone. It hadn’t been a comfort to me, and it wasn’t a comfort to Tatiana.^ You’re making the same assumption that Leah made. You know your wolf because he is a part of you. You know that he was taught to be a killing machine. But the problem that you, Leah, and Logan are all overlooking is that Tatiana knows her wolf as well as you know yours. ^I couldn’t help the tinge of disappointment in my tone. Everyone wanted what was best for the Treehouse. They wanted what was best for the people living there. They wanted to get everyone they knew into the fight. But they didn’t want to listen when there was something to take into consideration.^ This isn’t about being like you. This isn’t about her being a weapon. This is about Tatiana being afraid to put everyone around her at risk. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And that’s something she’s afraid of. It’s a valid point, Mal. What if she can’t control herself when she shifts? What if her temperament doesn’t change, and she’s still as vicious as she is now? Should we risk everyone’s life with someone that doesn’t actually want to hurt us? Malachi: -I locked eyes with my wife and instantly felt like an asshole. I knew I was being pushy, but I had a hard time turning down the intensity a lot of the time, even when I could sympathize with Tatiana. It would be easy to sit here and beat myself up about it. I was good at that, but it wouldn’t get anything done. I had to stop and take a breath, consider everything from someone else’s point of view. It wasn’t just about the what if’s. There was history there, and Tatiana knew it better than any of us, even Doc. I needed to listen to her.- Then I owe her an apology. I have to think that this is all going to work out, because I can’t think about the alternative, Angel. If it gives me tunnel vision, then I have to fight against it. Just keep reminding me. -The last thing I wanted was to get so single minded that I let it turn me into my father. He would have used anyone he could to get to the ends he sought after. And while his were always selfish, the fact that mine weren’t didn’t mean that the ends justified the means. I moved to be able to look Tatiana in the eye- Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it’s like for you. I can only tell you what it’s like for me. I wouldn’t want to put any of the people here or back at the house in danger, and I wouldn’t want to put you in the position of being responsible for it. It is a valid point. I just can’t help but hope that things will be different. In the end, it’s your call. I promise you that. It’s my fault that you’re in this position to start with, and I couldn’t begin to apologize enough for all of that. -I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wasn’t wrong, and I felt like I needed Tatiana’s help, but in the end it was her decision to make, not mine or anyone else’s to make for her- If you want to stay, I’ll help you. I’ll make sure no one else is around when you shift until you’re sure that you’re safe. If you want to run, I’ll make sure you get where you’re going safely. Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll stand behind that one hundred percent. Tati: *I could only nod my head as Beezer apologized. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of his offer, though. Was this something I wanted to do? Did I truly want to see if I could take control of my wolf? It was a silent need, though. I hated that I needed to protect Doc every time I went to shift. There was still so much going through my head, though. There was something about Logan’s magic that I wasn’t sure I trusted. I didn’t like how he could make promises of me shifting. I didn’t trust how sure he was of everything. But maybe it was just Logan himself. The first time we had met, and he basically threatened my life without saying the words. He was great at manipulating those around him to get what he wanted. I knew it wasn’t that way with Leah, but he had tried to do it to me. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to be put under his thumb that way. I let my eyes go between Mal and Spencer’s before I took a breath. Letting my gaze fall on Spence, I shrugged my shoulders.* The only thing I have ever wanted was to be safe for you to be around. I hate leaving you when I shift. I hate that you’re in danger for any amount of time. If you think this is a risk I shouldn’t take, please say the word. I won’t do this if you don’t think this is a good idea. Spencer: -I’d been studying Tatiana for a long time, longer than we’d been together. It was how we’d met each other. I had found a few of the answers she was looking for, but I was far from figuring it all out. The truth of the matter was, she had to leave whenever Mars was in retrograde. There was no way I was going to be safe around her until she could control herself, and at the moment, control was far from what she was capable of. I had no way of knowing if any of this would work. My world was steeped in the paranormal, but it was also grounded in the scientific. I’d done the best I could at consolidating both of the realms into one, but there were times when I couldn’t explain or predict things at all. This was one of those times. I had two options here, and I was fairly certain Tati would listen to whichever I chose. I could be selfish either way, even when that wasn’t in my nature. I could take her away from all of this and go back to living the fairly quiet life we were leading, even if it meant walking away from the work I’d done here. For her, it was worth it. Or I could stay, and chance this with her, just for the ability to be with her all the time, not having to have one or the other of us hide when she was out of control. Being in control would mean the world to her. It would mean she was in charge even when the wolf was out. It was something she never thought she was going to have. And in the end I thought that was worth a try, even if it didn’t work. - I think it’s worth a shot, Tati. You’ll never know what you’re capable of unless you try, and this is the safest way I can think of attempting it. I’ve seen him shift. If it’s just the two of you, he’ll be safe, and be able to protect anyone else from you if you can’t keep control. Go far enough away and even that won’t be an issue until you’re ready for it to be. It can go slowly, as slowly as you want. I say you set the terms of all of this. Let it be completely in your hands, not anyone else’s call. Tati: *I nodded my head at Spencer’s words. He was right. This had to be on my own terms. I couldn’t do this for anyone else. It was something that I needed to do for me. There was no other way I could think of it. Turning my attention back to Beezer, I nodded my head.* Spencer is absolutely right. This has to be on my terms. We do this as far away from anyone at the treehouse as possible. And it has to be just you and me. Aurora cannot be here, Leah can’t be here. The only time Logan can be around is to do his thing with my shifting. He can’t be there for the training. I won’t think twice about going after him. *I could only bite my lip as I thought about the next part of the request. I wasn’t sure it was something that could be pulled off, but they’d have to figure it out. I couldn’t change my thoughts on Logan right now. Not with what he had said or made me feel. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to trust him. And me agreeing to this was more for Spencer and Beezer than it was for Logan and Leah.* There has to be another witch there when he does his thing. I don’t trust him to do something more. I don’t care if you don’t think he will, I don’t trust him. He has shown me that he is nothing more than a guy that will do anything in his power to get what he wants. I will let him do his thing, but he has to watched by someone else. That’s my offer. Take it or I leave with Spencer. Mal: -I listened, and heard the demand in her voice. She wasn’t wrong, though. She didn’t know Logan that well. None of us really did except for Leah. That meant I trusted him, just because she did, but it didn’t mean anything for Tati. The only encounter she’d ever had with him had been him telling her to basically shit or get off the pot. Asking for a second opinion was just common sense. And I knew just who needed to be around. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be around during the training, and most certainly not Rora. So everything she said was making sense at the moment. Things were falling into place, and if we were careful, they just might turn out the way we wanted- Then we do it your way, Tatiana. No one needs to be around but you and I. I wouldn’t want any of them nearby until we’re certain you can trust yourself. Hell, I’m still nervous about shifting around some of them. Not Rora, because my wolf would die before he let her or the baby be hurt, but other people, yeah. He can have a mind of his own, but he’s usually ok with people he likes. As for another witch… -glancing over at my wife with a soft smile- I think Rora and I know just the person. It shouldn’t be too hard to get her here either. Not if I know her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what was up before we got to her as a matter of fact. So, if you’re game. So am I. All that’s left to do is get our asses back to the Treehouse and get this show back on the road. -I slid my hands in my pockets with a smile. Things had changed quite a bit since we pulled over at the side of the road. The woman who had been terrified to even be around me was now insistent that I be around to make sure everyone else was safe around her, to work with her to make sure she could control her wolf. I knew I was in for a lot of work with her, but if I could save her even a quarter of the heartache I’d been through with everything then it would be worth every moment of it. I could only hope I was up to the job.- #PretendingIDontFeelMisplaced
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eversopatiently-blog · 7 years ago
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Pretending I Don't Feel Misplaced (SL With @IWillNotFade, @DoNoHarm_, and @InColdDecember)
Tati: *Doc had called a million times asking me to stop. Telling me that he was coming to find me. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hide from him, but I couldn’t face Leah or Logan after I had walked away from everyone. I knew they blamed me. They hated me for leaving. For not being willing to help. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to face Malachi. He was just too much. I wasn’t willing to let myself be a pawn like he was. They claimed they weren’t going to use me as a weapon. Logan claimed he could play with my shifting. It wasn’t the shifting I was concerned about. It had never been the shifting. It was my temperament as a wolf that terrified me. I knew I was vicious. The only person I could be around when I shifted was Doc. But even that was a touchy subject. I didn’t trust myself around Spencer. I wanted to. I wanted to let him be beside me every step of the way. But this wasn’t easy for me. It hadn’t ever been easy. I felt myself shiver as I settled on a down tree branch. No matter what, I kept moving. I knew it was a matter of time until Spencer found a way to find me. But I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how he was going to find me. I didn’t know if Leah and Logan were going to be with him, or if he was going to be alone. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure I trusted Leah and Logan. I didn’t know if the two of them had what was best for me in mind when they tried to get me to be a part of their pack. In fact, I knew they didn’t. They were thinking about what was the best move for the pack. What was the best move to take down the St. Pierre pack. I didn’t hold that against them. But I stood by the fact that they didn’t know what they were asking of me. It was a scenario I had let go through my mind a million times. What if I did let Logan manipulate my genes? He claimed that he could give me the power to shift at will. But was I crazy to not trust the magic he was offering? I didn’t trust anyone. It was something that was always in the back of my mind. I was going to be used as a weapon. It was what the other wolves in my father’s pack had wanted. But my father knew it wasn’t fair to me. So he let me go. And issued the warning that if anyone came for me, they were dead. Even if I wasn’t a part of that pack, I was still his daughter. I always would be. I could have run back there. Arkansas was only a few miles away. I knew I was sitting close to the border. But I also knew that if I did go there, Spencer was going to find me. But I knew I needed to stop. I needed Spencer in a way I hadn’t ever needed, or wanted, anyone before. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to give him every part of me. But I wasn’t entirely sure how to do it. I didn’t know how to open myself up to him. Pulling out my phone, I sent him one message. I didn’t know if it would bring him to me, or drive him away, but I needed something. I needed him to know that I loved him. It was the only way he knew I was giving him something. I wasn’t sure if he was going to accept it, but I needed him to know that I was trying.* There’s a wooded area off of route 167 just before you cross the border into Arkansas. Spencer: -I didn’t even have to pick my phone up to know it was Tati texting me. I’d set her tones to something different than everyone else a million years ago. The sound alone told me everything I needed to know. I’d been trying to call her since she ran out that door, but I knew better than to think she was going to answer me. The fact that she was texting me now was more of a surprise than I cared to admit out loud. This wasn’t the first time that Tati had run away. She had a habit of avoiding everyone, even me, when things became too much for her to handle, when the time came for her to shift or when she just couldn’t take any more of the world. I’d learned not to take it personally a long time ago, but sometimes it was hard. This time was one of those times. The thing was, this time, I was already out looking for her. I hadn’t known where to begin, but Beezer had. He’d scented her at least this far, and judging from her text, we didn’t have much farther to go. I had no clue how she was going to react once we got there a whole hell of a lot faster than we probably should have. All I could do was take a deep breath and let the two weres who’d come with me this far know what the message had said.- So, she just messaged me. -glancing over at Beezer and Aurora with a soft exhale before I continued- She’s not far. A grassy area off route 167. Do you know it? Because I do if you don’t. -I’d passed it before, without knowing it was the place she would run to. Maybe it was where she always went, maybe it was somewhere else, a random place she’d just picked out of the blue. I had no way of knowing. I could only hope that she wouldn’t freak out when I didn’t show up alone and run again, this time to somewhere we wouldn’t be able to find. I grabbed my phone and tapped out a reply- I’ll be there soon. -sending it before I slid my phone back into my pocket, mind churning to try to figure out what to do when we got there. I didn’t know if I should go out and speak to her on my own before I let her know the other two were there or what. I knew she would probably know they were coming before she saw them, that she would smell them on the wind before she scented me if the wind was right. I had no clue what I was doing here. I just needed to find her.- Rora: ^As soon as Doc said she was in the area just off of 167, I knew where she was. It was a place I had visited one time, but I felt myself take in a breath of air. I didn’t like thinking of that time. I couldn’t ignore the look from Mal, though. And I knew I was going to have to explain to him why I knew it. But I also knew that we didn’t need to go barging in like we owned the place. As we pulled off the road, I let my hand rest on Mal’s arm.^ We can’t go to her just yet. Doc needs to talk to her alone. He’ll help in getting her to listen to us. ^I knew Mal didn’t like sending Spencer to talk to her alone. He didn’t know what was in these woods. But I knew what was here. It was relatively safe. Derrick was back in New Orleans with Mal’s family. I couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on there. I could imagine it, though. They were doing everything to prepare for battle. I knew Derrick. I knew what a battle meant to him. And if the stories Mal had told me were anything to go by, I knew that he would fit in with the St. Pierre’s.^ She doesn’t know you like I do. She knows the horror stories of your father’s pack, though. She knows you were used as a weapon, Mal. She has never seen you when we’re together. She doesn’t know that you can be the sweetest guy in the world. She doesn’t understand that. ^Taking a breath, I brought my leg up and folded it under me. As I turned to face Mal, I was struck by his beauty. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to acknowledge it, but he was handsome. I had learned to stop telling him, though. All he saw were the scars and injuries. I saw them for what they were, marks of a survivor.^ When you’re alone, you’re a lot to take in. And that’s when you’re not a wolf. You know that as a wolf you’re big and imposing. You could give her a run for her money if you wanted to control her. ^Putting a hand up as Mal went to rebuke me, I gave him a look.^ I know you would never do it. I know that you hate what your father made you into. I know that’s why you and Leah are still together after all this time. But Tatiana doesn’t understand that. Logan and Leah might not understand, but she kept herself away from us for a reason. Not only does she not have control as a wolf, she’s in the same space as you. And everything she knows about you makes her scared. So she kept herself at arms length to protect everyone, even herself. You can’t give her another reason to be afraid of you, Malachi. She needs to see what I see. She needs to understand that you’re not the wolf your father or brothers are. She needs to know that you don’t want to use her as a weapon. Mal: -I made myself listen as my wife talked, despite my gut instinct being to disagree with her. I knew she was right. It wasn't what she was trying to tell me that I thought was wrong. It was just that I knew Tatiana’s gut reaction to me was the one I'd been fighting all my life not to be. My father had wanted me to be this fighting machine, a tool that he could wield as he and then my older brother saw fit. I wouldn't have used the power I had to control another, not when it was exactly what had been done to me. But I also knew Tatiana had no way of knowing that. She didn't know me, not at all, and I'd only ever caught glimpses of her in passing during the few times she'd been at the treehouse. I knew I could be intimidating. I was almost as big as my brother, and I was faster. It gave me the advantage in a fight and it was pretty evident to anyone who knew anything about a fight at first glance. I wasn't a fool. Never mind the scars I'd been left with after years of fighting both on behalf of my family and on my own just for survival after I left. I was strong, but I wasn't invincible. I'd been brought along to help find her. Doc was the one she was tied to, and as nervous as letting him go in to find her alone made me, I knew it was a necessary evil. I was still going to be on edge as all this happened though. There was no getting around any of that. If she saw me coming, her first instinct was going to be to run. He was going to have to soften her up for me to be able to get even close enough to her to get a word in. And there were a few words I needed to get in. There wasn't anyone here who understood that fear of being used for what you were quite like I did. There was more than a bit of terror in not being in control of yourself during a shift. The ability to recall what had happened when I shifted came and went with the moods of my wolf. If he had business he didn't want me to know about, I wasn't going to remember a moment of it. If he allowed, I would have perfect recognition. I supposed it was his way of protecting me from knowing about how he took care of business. And I supposed it was a mercy, but I was never in control. Reaching out to run a hand along Rora’s arm until my fingers found hers and I gave her hand a squeeze, keeping it there even after I could have pulled away- Then Doc goes in first, but I want to talk to her. I need her to know what's real. At least I need to try to tell her. I don't know how much good it will do. Spencer: -Beezer and Aurora were talking along the edge of the road, but I paid them little attention. I didn’t know what was passing between the two of them at the moment, perhaps it wasn’t my place to know. I did know them both well enough to know that they were going to try to help as much as they could. I’d tried before to explain a little to Tati about him, but she couldn’t get past the last name. I’d heard of the St. Pierre’s. I’d been in Louisiana for awhile now, and there was no way to be a part of the shifter world here without hearing about them. I had to admit that it gave me pause at first. His name, combined with his size, was enough to frighten anyone. I couldn’t blame her for that. But I’d gotten to know him since his arrival, at least on a few occasions. He didn’t remember what happened when he shifted, and he had a tendency to come back from those sessions with a wound or two. I’d forced him to come see me about the worst of them, the ones he couldn’t take care of himself. They healed fast, but they could still get infected, and they had a rough time coming back from something during the full moon when all their energy was focused on the animal within. He was a lot like her. He had a hard time controlling his shifting from time to time, but mostly he had a hard time controlling the wolf that came out. It was merciful enough to block him from remembering what it got up to when it was more than the man could handle. In truth, he was a giant, but he was fairly soft spoken and gentle. The man and the wolf were two different, albeit connected things. The scientist in me found him fascinating. He was bred to be a weapon, and he’d overcome all of that breeding and training to be what he had become. But I also understood why Tatiana was frightened. If I’d grown up with stories of what the family could get up to, I would be just as terrified. I had the advantage of coming at everything here from an outsider’s perspective. I left the two of them behind. I needed to go in first to try to explain to Tati what was going on, why the two of them were here and just pray she didn’t run again. The clearing wasn’t far from the highway, though it was concealed by a stand of trees I needed to make my way around to come out into the open. I had no idea what to expect when i walked into the clearing. She’d all but asked me to come with that text message, so I could only assume she wanted me to find her. My eyes darted around the clearing, looking for any sign of her as I called out her name- Tati? -The uncertainly in my voice was clear. She was here somewhere. I knew that much at least.- Tati: *I heard Spencer calling out, and I had been right. It hadn’t taken that long for him to come looking for me. It also helped that he knew where I was running to. I just knew that there was a risk with walking over the border into Arkansas. I knew that there was a chance I was going to be looked for. And I wasn’t about to go there. I wasn’t ready to give myself up to any one pack. I didn’t trust any person enough to be with a pack. In truth, Spencer was my pack. He was the only one I cared about. Stepping out into the clearing, I took a breath. My senses were heightened, so I could smell that he wasn’t alone. Or rather that he hadn’t been alone. But I knew he needed help in finding me.* I can’t do it, Spencer. I can’t let them do that to me. Am I insane for not being sure about Logan’s magic? Am I stupid for not being willing to see if it works? *My nerves were shot. There was no way to explain it. But I needed him to see my side of everything, and that had never been an issue with Spencer. He understood me in a way no one else understood. We had spent so much time talking about everything. He knew my fears and my reactions better than I did.* I understand that this is their family, and they want to do everything in their power to protect it, but am I crazy for wanting to protect myself? Spencer: -I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared, but there was more behind it than that. She wasn’t just scared of Beezer. It was what he represented that terrified Tati. To her, he was everything she was afraid of being. I raked a hand through my hair listening to her as I slowly approached the edge of the clearing she’d appeared from. I needed to be closer to her, needed her to be able to look into my eyes so she could see that I meant what I was saying.- Tati, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I’d be mad if you didn’t. Don’t give up anything without a fight. That’s not who you are. I don’t expect you to just let anyone do anything to you. -I was close enough to touch her, though I didn’t. I just let the distance between us close to almost nothing.- I know you know I didn’t come alone. They’re waiting at the car, but I won’t let them come in here if you don’t want them to. -I couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I wanted to take care of her for all the fact that she was in truth much stronger than I was.- Tati: *I could only press my face against Spencer’s hand as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I wanted to pretend that none of this was dangerous. I wanted to think that none of this had happened. We weren’t running for our lives. I wasn’t putting everyone in jeopardy by running. But I knew I was protecting them when they couldn’t see what I was for themselves. I was more concerned with them than they were. They were only thinking of the temporary. The immediate danger. They didn’t understand long term. They didn’t understand that this was my life. But as I relaxed against Spencer, I was hit with the sudden realization that it wasn’t Leah and Logan who had come with him. He had said they were in the car. He never said who it was. And him not telling me who it was should have been the biggest clue that he was hiding something. And I wasn’t going to like what he was going to tell me.* You didn’t, Spencer. Tell me you didn’t come with Beezer. Of all the people, you know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about why you thought that was a good idea. *I felt myself start to tremble as I thought about Beezer being so close. The man that was the physical representation of my fear. I didn’t know how to act around him. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of what he was. I was terrified that someone would do that to me. And it was something I ran from. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to see it.* If you thought him talking to me was going to be the best idea, you’re mistaken. You know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about it. Rora: ^I had given Doc the benefit of the doubt, but this was getting to be a little much. I could see Mal fidgeting, and I knew I needed to get him out of the car. I needed him to get some fresh air. I needed him to relax. Because the truth was that he was going to lose it. And that was when things were going to get dangerous. I wasn’t going to let him go to her, though. As I stepped out of the car, I lifted my hand towards him. It was a beckoning. I wanted him with me, and I knew he wasn’t going to let me go far without him. I wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of me being pregnant, but I wasn’t allowed to be on my own. And it was okay. I knew he was trying to protect me. They both were. But I knew how to protect him, as well. With my hand entwined with his, we started towards the clearing where I knew Tatiana was going to be. And I heard what she was saying. And I understood it to a degree. I could see the pain written on my husband’s face though. And that was the thing that Tatiana had never understood. She didn’t get that this wasn’t someone he wanted to be. He didn’t want people to fear him. It was something he hated about himself. My voice was soft as I walked into the clearing. I gave Doc a small smile as I walked forward.^ We didn’t bring Mal along to talk to you. It’s quite the opposite. I was brought along to talk to you. Mal came because he’s my shadow. Especially with this baby. He’s concerned about keeping it safe. He’s worried about keeping me safe. The last thing he wants is for anyone to be used like he’s been used. ^Coming to stand in front of Tati, I let out a soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for any of us involved. But I knew it was going to be painful if it all came from Mal. So I felt the words start to tumble from my lips.^ Mal wasn’t always a blackout wolf. It was a side effect of his training. And I am eternally grateful to that wolf of his. He protects my husband when I can’t. When no one else was able to, the wolf has always protected Mal. ^Casting a glance over my shoulder, I looked at my husband who was doing everything to not hear what I was saying. He didn’t want to admit any of this to anyone, but I knew the truth. Tatiana needed to hear this. She needed to know that this wasn’t something Mal wanted to do.^ Mal knows what it’s like to be used as a weapon. I understand why you’re terrified of him. But it’s not him that you’re afraid of. I know that, too. I know that you’re afraid of everything Mal was taught to be. But I can tell you that he’s not going to let that happen to you. You can say you’re protecting yourself, but the truth is that you’re protecting everyone else. Let Mal protect you. Mal: -Mal… Malachi. That name I hadn’t heard for a long damned time off anyone’s lips but Rora’s. It belonged there. No one had called me that since I was small, when my mother would call me in for dinner or from upstairs to come down for chores and school. Beezer had been the name of choice for the rest of the world. The name my brother’s had given me when Zeke gave me a broken nose as a seven year old. I knew Tatiana was terrified of me. I knew most people were. Leah and Rora were the rare exceptions. I couldn’t help how I was perceived by the rest of the world. I was what I was. My father had seen to that. But I was a lot more than that. Tati only saw the part that my father had wanted to project to the rest of the world. Rora wasn’t wrong about the wolf. He and I had been bred to be weapons. The blackouts had been trained into me to keep me from objecting or even knowing what was going on when my father was in control. But the wolf had kept them in place when we left. As much as I hated not remembering, at times it was merciful. I kept my distance as the two of them spoke, but I couldn’t help but overhear what they were saying. My ears could have picked up their gentle conversation at twice the distance even if I tried not to pay attention to it. They were talking about me. The thought made me uncomfortable enough without hearing exactly what they had to say about me. I could feel my chest tighten at the words that came from their mouths. Tati clearly didn’t want me here, and I couldn’t blame her for that. My wife was insistent that here was the very place I needed to be. Tati was afraid of not me, but of becoming me. I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but if she thought Leah was going to use her the way my father had used me, she was mistaken. It wasn’t something she would even do, but if she tried, I’d have refused to allow it. There was no way I was going to let that happen to someone else the way it had happened to me whether I knew them or not. I could only step forward, coming close enough to the three of them to make certain I was heard as I spoke- She’s not wrong… She never is really. -shaking my head before I ran a hand roughly over my face, taking a deep breath.- I’d die before I let someone get used the way that I was. I didn’t have anyone to fight for me, and the one person who tried to protect me paid for it with her life. -I took a deep breath, holding back the emotion I could feel welling in my chest, the wolf pacing slightly at the tension that wrought in my frame, though I knew he was going to stay put for now, at least- Protecting everyone else and protecting yourself… Those don’t have to be something you do on your own. Tati:*I was a little surprised when Beezer walked up to me. But he still kept his distance. Like he knew all of this was hard on me. The running had been the worst. Leaving Spencer behind was something I never wanted to do. I didn’t like the thought of leaving him. But I knew the truth. He loved his work with Leah. He loved being there for them. He wanted to give them a safe haven. He didn’t want them to have to answer questions. So he played doctor with them. He gave them the reassurances they needed. He was finding a home. I wasn’t sure what I was finding. But the truth was I didn’t know what the next step was supposed to be. I could only tell them what had happened in the kitchen of the Treehouse. I needed Beezer and Aurora to know the truth of what had happened.* Have you ever been told you have the choice of doing something? But really the choice has already been made? That’s what Leah and Logan did to me. I didn’t get a choice with them. They told me I didn’t have to fight with them. They told me I could walk away from it. But when I told them that I didn’t want to be a part of the fight, I got bullied. I got told that if I didn’t fight, the fight was going to find me anyway. So, essentially, it didn’t matter if I didn’t want to fight. I was fighting. *I felt myself lean against Spencer as the tears started to well in my eyes. I didn’t know how much Mal knew about the discussion with Leah, but he needed to know the truth. I had no idea how they had gotten him to come. I wasn’t sure what lies people had told him.* I have never had control over myself when I shift. And that is okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve figured out how to protect Spencer. That’s all I’ve been able to focus on for the past few years. *I felt the tension in my body as I thought about how many years it had taken before I knew what the hell was going on with me. And in that time to learn how to protect Spencer from when I changed. It was a very long process.* I may have more time to practice, but all of that goes out the window for two weeks every three months. It takes every ounce of control to go somewhere where I won’t hurt people when it’s time to shift. Leah and Logan are now asking me to try to learn everything again. Even with Logan manipulating me into shifting whenever I want, the problem of my temperament remains. Should I risk everyone around me? Are you willing to risk Rora and the baby if I don’t have control when I shift? Mal: -I didn’t have the answers that Tati seemed to so desperately want, and the sheer mention of risking Rora and the baby had my wolf straining at the bars that held him in tenuously in place. I could hear the doubt and fear in her voice. I had no way of convincing her that she was going to be able to do this, and I could tell that she had no faith in her or Logan’s ability to make this work. She was telling me Leah and Logan had pushed her into this corner, one where she got told to shit or get off the pot before she got slapped across the face that this was going to happen whether she liked it or not. I knew Leah. I knew she wasn’t exactly a bully, but that she was going to do whatever she needed to do to protect the house and the people in it, which included Tati whether she believed it or not. I kept my voice soft for the moment, though I couldn’t stop the deep rumble that came with the effort of holding the wolf within me at bay- I thought the same thing the first time I shifted around her, around any of them. The black wolf in me… -shaking my head for the moment as I thought about the things that he’d done- he is ruthless, and I’ve seen the aftermath of the things he’s done. He was trained to be a killing machine. That’s all I was supposed to be good for. I can’t make you any promises except this one. Whenever you shift, he will be there. And I can promise you there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to protect his family. I know you know me… even if I don’t know you. At least you know me by reputation, and I can’t say I blame you for being scared. I can’t tell you all of this is going to turn out alright. I can’t tell you my family isn’t going to come in teeth bared and snarling and take us all down. But I have to fight for what I’ve found. Life isn’t worth living without it. I was born into a family that only wanted me for what I could do for them. I stumbled into one that would do anything for me instead. You can be a part of that too. I know what it’s like to shut the world away, to keep yourself apart to protect others. It’s part of protecting yourself too. I’ve been there. I spent a long time on my own before I came here with Leah. She was the first person who took me in and made me part of her life when I had nothing to offer her. She’s ruthless too when it comes to protecting what she loves, but I’ll keep her in check, even if no one else can. She hates this whole alpha thing. I can’t say I blame her. It wasn’t the life either of us wanted exactly. She does the best she can with it. -I knew I was babbling. I was a little nervous. And I wasn’t sure I could convince Tatiana of anything, especially when I wasn’t good with words. Reaching out for Rora’s hand, I threaded my fingers between hers and drew her into my side.- I’ll protect my family. And I don’t just mean Rora and the baby… -trying to catch Tatiana’s eyes with my own- The offer to be a part of the family is there if you want to take it, the protection too. I won’t let them push you past what you’re capable of doing, but I think you’re capable of a lot more than you know. -I could smell the fear on her, but I could smell the wolf too. I’d scented her in the woods around the Treehouse on occasion, but that occasion was rare. I knew she kept to herself, and I’d let her. I knew that need to be a loner better than most around here. Leah knew it too, though for her it was for an entirely different reason.- Go ahead and slap me if I’m wrong here. I won’t stop you. And I won’t stop you from running if it’s the thing you need to do. Rora: ^I could only shake my head at Mal. The truth was that he was intense on a good day. On a bad day, he was downright intimidating. And I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of a day this was for him. It could be a good day when he thought he was being intense. But to Tatiana, it could be a bad day. Taking a breath, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in again. But this time, I turned my attention back to my husband. I could see him with that singular focus. He was defending Leah, and didn’t understand what it was like for outsiders. It was the same thing I had gone through the first time I had met Leah. He was underestimating Tatiana.^ Malachi. Take a breath, and listen to her. ^Moving to put myself in my husband’s line of sight, I needed him to see that this was serious. I had to make him realize that his blind trust in Leah didn’t always work for everyone. It hadn’t been a comfort to me, and it wasn’t a comfort to Tatiana.^ You’re making the same assumption that Leah made. You know your wolf because he is a part of you. You know that he was taught to be a killing machine. But the problem that you, Leah, and Logan are all overlooking is that Tatiana knows her wolf as well as you know yours. ^I couldn’t help the tinge of disappointment in my tone. Everyone wanted what was best for the Treehouse. They wanted what was best for the people living there. They wanted to get everyone they knew into the fight. But they didn’t want to listen when there was something to take into consideration.^ This isn’t about being like you. This isn’t about her being a weapon. This is about Tatiana being afraid to put everyone around her at risk. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And that’s something she’s afraid of. It’s a valid point, Mal. What if she can’t control herself when she shifts? What if her temperament doesn’t change, and she’s still as vicious as she is now? Should we risk everyone’s life with someone that doesn’t actually want to hurt us? Malachi: -I locked eyes with my wife and instantly felt like an asshole. I knew I was being pushy, but I had a hard time turning down the intensity a lot of the time, even when I could sympathize with Tatiana. It would be easy to sit here and beat myself up about it. I was good at that, but it wouldn’t get anything done. I had to stop and take a breath, consider everything from someone else’s point of view. It wasn’t just about the what if’s. There was history there, and Tatiana knew it better than any of us, even Doc. I needed to listen to her.- Then I owe her an apology. I have to think that this is all going to work out, because I can’t think about the alternative, Angel. If it gives me tunnel vision, then I have to fight against it. Just keep reminding me. -The last thing I wanted was to get so single minded that I let it turn me into my father. He would have used anyone he could to get to the ends he sought after. And while his were always selfish, the fact that mine weren’t didn’t mean that the ends justified the means. I moved to be able to look Tatiana in the eye- Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it’s like for you. I can only tell you what it’s like for me. I wouldn’t want to put any of the people here or back at the house in danger, and I wouldn’t want to put you in the position of being responsible for it. It is a valid point. I just can’t help but hope that things will be different. In the end, it’s your call. I promise you that. It’s my fault that you’re in this position to start with, and I couldn’t begin to apologize enough for all of that. -I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wasn’t wrong, and I felt like I needed Tatiana’s help, but in the end it was her decision to make, not mine or anyone else’s to make for her- If you want to stay, I’ll help you. I’ll make sure no one else is around when you shift until you’re sure that you’re safe. If you want to run, I’ll make sure you get where you’re going safely. Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll stand behind that one hundred percent. Tati: *I could only nod my head as Beezer apologized. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of his offer, though. Was this something I wanted to do? Did I truly want to see if I could take control of my wolf? It was a silent need, though. I hated that I needed to protect Doc every time I went to shift. There was still so much going through my head, though. There was something about Logan’s magic that I wasn’t sure I trusted. I didn’t like how he could make promises of me shifting. I didn’t trust how sure he was of everything. But maybe it was just Logan himself. The first time we had met, and he basically threatened my life without saying the words. He was great at manipulating those around him to get what he wanted. I knew it wasn’t that way with Leah, but he had tried to do it to me. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to be put under his thumb that way. I let my eyes go between Mal and Spencer’s before I took a breath. Letting my gaze fall on Spence, I shrugged my shoulders.* The only thing I have ever wanted was to be safe for you to be around. I hate leaving you when I shift. I hate that you’re in danger for any amount of time. If you think this is a risk I shouldn’t take, please say the word. I won’t do this if you don’t think this is a good idea. Spencer: -I’d been studying Tatiana for a long time, longer than we’d been together. It was how we’d met each other. I had found a few of the answers she was looking for, but I was far from figuring it all out. The truth of the matter was, she had to leave whenever Mars was in retrograde. There was no way I was going to be safe around her until she could control herself, and at the moment, control was far from what she was capable of. I had no way of knowing if any of this would work. My world was steeped in the paranormal, but it was also grounded in the scientific. I’d done the best I could at consolidating both of the realms into one, but there were times when I couldn’t explain or predict things at all. This was one of those times. I had two options here, and I was fairly certain Tati would listen to whichever I chose. I could be selfish either way, even when that wasn’t in my nature. I could take her away from all of this and go back to living the fairly quiet life we were leading, even if it meant walking away from the work I’d done here. For her, it was worth it. Or I could stay, and chance this with her, just for the ability to be with her all the time, not having to have one or the other of us hide when she was out of control. Being in control would mean the world to her. It would mean she was in charge even when the wolf was out. It was something she never thought she was going to have. And in the end I thought that was worth a try, even if it didn’t work. - I think it’s worth a shot, Tati. You’ll never know what you’re capable of unless you try, and this is the safest way I can think of attempting it. I’ve seen him shift. If it’s just the two of you, he’ll be safe, and be able to protect anyone else from you if you can’t keep control. Go far enough away and even that won’t be an issue until you’re ready for it to be. It can go slowly, as slowly as you want. I say you set the terms of all of this. Let it be completely in your hands, not anyone else’s call. Tati: *I nodded my head at Spencer’s words. He was right. This had to be on my own terms. I couldn’t do this for anyone else. It was something that I needed to do for me. There was no other way I could think of it. Turning my attention back to Beezer, I nodded my head.* Spencer is absolutely right. This has to be on my terms. We do this as far away from anyone at the treehouse as possible. And it has to be just you and me. Aurora cannot be here, Leah can’t be here. The only time Logan can be around is to do his thing with my shifting. He can’t be there for the training. I won’t think twice about going after him. *I could only bite my lip as I thought about the next part of the request. I wasn’t sure it was something that could be pulled off, but they’d have to figure it out. I couldn’t change my thoughts on Logan right now. Not with what he had said or made me feel. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to trust him. And me agreeing to this was more for Spencer and Beezer than it was for Logan and Leah.* There has to be another witch there when he does his thing. I don’t trust him to do something more. I don’t care if you don’t think he will, I don’t trust him. He has shown me that he is nothing more than a guy that will do anything in his power to get what he wants. I will let him do his thing, but he has to watched by someone else. That’s my offer. Take it or I leave with Spencer. Mal: -I listened, and heard the demand in her voice. She wasn’t wrong, though. She didn’t know Logan that well. None of us really did except for Leah. That meant I trusted him, just because she did, but it didn’t mean anything for Tati. The only encounter she’d ever had with him had been him telling her to basically shit or get off the pot. Asking for a second opinion was just common sense. And I knew just who needed to be around. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be around during the training, and most certainly not Rora. So everything she said was making sense at the moment. Things were falling into place, and if we were careful, they just might turn out the way we wanted- Then we do it your way, Tatiana. No one needs to be around but you and I. I wouldn’t want any of them nearby until we’re certain you can trust yourself. Hell, I’m still nervous about shifting around some of them. Not Rora, because my wolf would die before he let her or the baby be hurt, but other people, yeah. He can have a mind of his own, but he’s usually ok with people he likes. As for another witch… -glancing over at my wife with a soft smile- I think Rora and I know just the person. It shouldn’t be too hard to get her here either. Not if I know her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what was up before we got to her as a matter of fact. So, if you’re game. So am I. All that’s left to do is get our asses back to the Treehouse and get this show back on the road. -I slid my hands in my pockets with a smile. Things had changed quite a bit since we pulled over at the side of the road. The woman who had been terrified to even be around me was now insistent that I be around to make sure everyone else was safe around her, to work with her to make sure she could control her wolf. I knew I was in for a lot of work with her, but if I could save her even a quarter of the heartache I’d been through with everything then it would be worth every moment of it. I could only hope I was up to the job.- #PretendingIDontFeelMisplaced
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