#he didn't get a present which is sad but i most certainly did

[rpfisfine]

[norrisjpg]

scott street - ᴍᴠ¹

in which, the pressure of the 2024 formula 1 season becomes too much for the dutch driver, so instead of leaning on his best friend for support, he pushes her away.

contains: angst, swearing, crying, unresolved conflict, unhappy ending, shouting, mentions of childhood trauma, depression, jos verstappen mentioned (ew), a gilmore girls reference, not proof-read.

max verstappen x unnamed female character

...

...

she thought something was off, something wasn't right - and she was correct.

it was right after the belgian grand prix, after max had lost another win through no fault of his own, after mclaren had gained a few more points on his beloved oracle red bull racing.

she was there, she always had been, waiting for him after the race like she always did. although she had prepared herself, nothing could have prepared her for this.

he knew he needed her, but he was just so wound up, so tired of the shitty car, so done with the team that he couldn't even bring himself to look at her when he walked into his driver's room.

"hey, are you okay?" she asked softly, standing up with the dutchman entered the room, his usual sadness replaced with something else - he was fuming. "max?"

"i'm fine." he mumbled, discarding his helmet carelessly to the floor.

"do you want to talk about it?" her voice was somewhat comforting, but nowhere near enough to calm the pure rage bubbling in his chest.

"no." max sighed, refusing to turn around and look at his best friend.

she nodded, not that he could see her, but it was more of a nod to herself. okay, he doesn't want to talk, that's okay. but she also wondered if he knew it wasn't his fault, because he couldn't help a ten-place grid penalty brought on by his team, and he certainly couldn't help that the mercedes were exceptionally quick today and being held up by cars he was lapping wasn't helping him either - it just wasn't his fault.

of course, she knew he'd be annoyed about his race - but that wasn't the route of his emotions, his father was. max had obviously told her about the traumatic events of his childhood, long after they'd happened, although she was around when most of them took place.

however, she didn't bring it up.

"max?" she spoke quietly, her voice a little airy. "it's not your fault, you know that, yeah?"

"i know it's not my fucking fault." he spat back quickly.

"come on, max, please talk to me." she pried a little more. "it hurts to see you like this."

"oh, it hurts you?" he scoffed, finally turning around to look at her, anger ever-so-present in his pretty eyes. "how the fuck do you think it makes me feel? you always manage to make everything about you, don't you? just can't stand the attention being away from you for just one fucking second, can you?"

it took everything in her to not physically recoil at his words - he'd never ever been like this, and she wasn't going to lie, her heart shattered at his cold attitude toward her. she was only trying to help him and he was acting like this.

"nothing to say, huh?" he almost laughed, but there was nothing resembling a smile on his face. "you know what? just get out."

"sorry?" was all she could muster, an expression of hurt confusion on her face.

"you heard me, leave." he repeated it, squashing her hopes that he was just angry and didn't mean it, that he'd apologise and lay in her arms and just tell her how he really felt.

she got up, putting her phone back in her pocket, glancing over at him to see that he'd turned back to desk, fiddling with something on there.

hearing the door shut behind her was confirmation of what he'd just done - why the fuck did he do that?

head in his hands, he slumped down on the couch, already missing her presence. clearly, max hadn't meant any of that, but it was like word vomit. he felt as if he was floating outside of his body, watching him shove his best friend away, and he couldn't do anything about it.

outside, she stood there, motionless. what the fuck had just happened? gritting her teeth, delicate tears fell down her cheeks as she started to walk out of the red bull garage in aimless despair.

maybe if she hadn't said anything he wouldn't have lashed out of her? did she pry too much? why wouldn't he just talk to her?

"ah, good afternoon." a familiar voice came from behind her as she stood in the paddock, unsure of what to do with herself.

daniel ricciardo.

"oh, hi daniel." she thumbed away the salty tears and sniffled before she turned around - but it was no use, daniel caught on straight away.

"what's wrong?" he furrowed his eyebrows, putting a hand on her shoulder.

she knew there was no point in lying, daniel would get it out of her eventually. "max kinda... blew up at me? told me that i make everything about me and then told me to leave- don't say anything to him though."

"you know i can't promise that, but are you okay?" he shook his head, mentally noting to bring that up with max in the near future.

"i'm not sure."

...

a pretty afternoon in monaco had brought about a lunch between max verstappen and daniel ricciardo. a whole week had passed since the incident, and neither had spoken to each other - both absolutely terrified of what the other would say.

max was scared that she'd push him away, the same way he did. she was scared that max didn't want her back.

the reality was, max needed help - he needed her back. since his outburst, things had gone downhill. the car wasn't looking as good as he'd hoped in the factory, one of his cats was ill, and someone had rear-ended his car somehow - it was as if the universe was screaming at him to just apologise to her, get in his car and go to her apartment, tell her he didn't mean any of it and then finally tell her how he really felt - but max verstappen had fallen deaf, clearly.

luckily, daniel ricciardo hadn't.

"max, what is going on with you?" he asked as the two sat on the bench, slightly hot from the round of padel they'd just played.

"what?" he scrunched his nose at the australian, glancing at him briefly.

"you." daniel repeated. "you're drinking way more than usual, i'm the only person you've seen other than for work purposes, and then you pushed your best friend away - god, why did you push her away?"

"how the fuck do you know about that?" max snapped, quickly apologising with a look afterward. "sorry, how do you know about that, though?"

"she was crying in the paddock after the race." he nodded, pursing his lips. "told me what you said."

"i didn't mean to, okay? i miss her. i know i shouldn't have said what i said, but i can't undo it. i just... i'm scared- what if this is it? what if she won't take me back this time?"

"max." daniel said firmly. "i promise you, that girl will always take you back - you could kill someone and she'd still stand by your side."

"what have i done, daniel?"

...

she was more okay than she thought she was going to be. monday evenings were always reserved for max - dinners, movie nights, whatever they decided to do, it was together.

this monday night was different though.

there wasn't the familiar dutch laughter bouncing around her apartment. there wasn't the delicious smell of home-cooked food lingering in the corridor. there wasn't the colour of freshly bought tulips adding to her plain white kitchen (max always gave her pretty flowers when he came over.) and there certainly wasn't the comforting smell of max's aftershave stuck on her cushions anymore.

it had been three weeks and no word from him.

maybe it was time to move on. maybe he wasn't coming back this time.

she decided early on that it was his decision to return - he was the one who pushed her away so why should she make an effort? in no way was she saying it was for the better, but she was... relatively okay. yes, of course there were things she missed about him - no one wanted to do anything on a monday evening apparently.

so, she spent her monday evenings alone, drowning herself in blankets and fast food, watching some movie that she would never even the end of of - because she fell asleep every time, without fail.

so she did move on.

max on the other hand? he was moving backwards - rapidly.

he thought he was borderline depressed. rotting in his apartment with his cats, occasionally venturing out of the house to buy food or see daniel and lando - but that was it. it was as if all the life had been sucked out of his existence - all the colour, all the light.

so, when he turned up to her apartment on a rainy monday evening, it was a knife to the heart, to the head, to the gut.

he walked into the lobby, planning on going straight up to her and confessing every single feeling he'd had since that dreadful day in belgium.

but, he was met with an unexpected sight. there she was, smiling, with a man.

she was laughing, with him. they were walking towards her apartment, about to head into the elevator. if they were on normal terms, max would have waltzed right up to her and asked who he was - but he didn't have that privilege anymore, remember?

so, he turned around, shocked and almost reduced to tears, and he left.

if only he knew, she would have run to him in a heartbeat.

but, maybe it was for the better.

...

coming next... novacane, ʟɴ⁴ motion sickness, ᴍᴠ¹ (part two)

[milfism-blog]

Bar of Destiny

Melissa Schemmenti x Fem Reader

Summary: You are going through a confusing path of self identity. Will your views on life change when you meet an Italian redhead in the old sports bar? 

Warnings: Inner homophobia, comphet, alcohol consumption, mentions of hetero relationship, little angst, fluff, Smut.

Word count: 6.3k

Author`s note: I hope you'll like it, trust the process. My requests are open for your suggestions\ideas. Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy the story!

On a boring Friday evening, you found yourself in a cheap old bar where men were watching tv and talking shit about their wives. How did you end up there? Well, let's start from the beginning then… 

You heard a lot about the self identity crisis but as far as you knew it was mainly common for men in their late 40s. But you certainly were not a man and not that old. To reconsider your life choices and the most calming and thinking spot you could master became this decrepit bar. Growing up in a conservative household with a single mom and being an older sister certainly gave you a hard time. So you mustered a plan to leave this lifestyle and never get back. But some principles, morals and negative attitudes towards the lgbtq+ community stayed. But again you also knew the saying “The gayest people are the homophobes”. And to be completely honest just one little thought about being or trying something with a woman was scaring you to death. And you came here to show yourself that you are a straight woman who can be in a relationship with a man.

You accepted this challenge from yourself, but if you at least like men a little bit you probably would not call it a challenge. To ease your anxiety, you are sipping your beer carefully while sitting alone close to the bar counter. The bar is supposed to close in 3 hours and you still haven't found a good looking man. To put it mildly, all of them looked strange or not to your taste. So far no more than sharing a gaze with a bartender. He was the most normal? Out of all…?

After a while, you sensed an intense stare. And surely it was not from the bartender he had enough work to keep him busy. You looked around yourself to catch the observer but nothing. But the uneasy feeling of being watched is still present in your mind. Your lateral vision caught some movement on the other side of the bar. You tried your best not to interact or make any eye contact. Again you came there to find a guy or try to. However, even a single conversation or hint is uncomfortable, to put it mildly, now back to the incognito viewer. He revealed himself by sitting beside you. The first thing that got your attention about the mysterious man was his perfume which hit your tender senses. You never were a fan of the men's cologne… It was so strong yet you could detect notes of floral-musky fragrance. That could be sweet notes from the female perfume. The idea provided you with little comfort.

Compared to the others at this establishment, he didn't seem as scary. His hazel eyes were on you, seemingly surveying your evening attire. You did the same scanning his choice of clothes for the lonely Philly bar. Taking a close look at his face, brows turned upwards, eyes bloodshot leaving the expression of sadness perhaps sorrow. Dirty uniform and strong smell of mixed vodka with beer. Which is known for being a hell of a hangover. The red handprint on his right cheek. All this has been telling you that this man has been dumped by a woman, the strong one apparently who does not hold back. 

The man got the courage to start a conversation with you. His words were slurred a bit mixed with a rough Philadelphian accent. His voice is smoked with raspiness. You usually loved raspy voices but if they belonged to women, not to men. Once more your mind still wanders to women. Anyway, returning to the subject in question, the forced conversation, you couldn't call it a conversation, it was more of a monologue, you were answering from politeness. 

“What's a girl like you doin here? Aren't ya scared ya gonna receive unwanted attention with this dress of yours?” He questioned with little teasing in the last sentence while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Already got that.” Rolling your eyes you mumbled so he would not hear the words leveling your lips.

“Don't ya be scared I am a good guy, I`m Gar by the way.” He smiled, giving you his hand for a shake. You were thinking about turning him down but you had a task to accomplish, make sure that you would find a man.

“Nice to meet you.” You forced out.

“It's not that I'm prying but why are you here?'' You made an attempt to shift the topic from you to him. You would rather listen than talk about your business and share it with a random man. 

By asking this question you opened the whole pandora box of problems. The guy has been sharing with you like you were his therapist. However, to be fair, he started talking about his job. Most of the time people don't remember his name, only the fact that he is some “vending machine guy”. Women don't like him. You almost chuckled at that. “Gosh men are so dramatic” - you thought to yourself.  

“Ya are a woman, why don't they like me? I have the body of a young man, I work out regularly, I buy them gifts and all I'm left with is a broken heart.” He complained. Signing sadly.

“If I am a woman that doesn't mean I can answer this question. There might be a lot of factors, maybe you are just not their type. Things happen.” You don't even know why you were answering his rhetorical question. 

“Yeah but, I thought that I had found my woman, for real now, I thought that she was the one. Everything was fine, amazing even. I planned a dream proposal for her. I knew that she was a huge Eagles fan and I was going my way to make a deal with Jalen Hurts himself to play our song. He read my words that I had put on the paper for her. And you know what she did? –” 

There was a long pause. He took a big gulp of vodka. Hissing as the burning liquid traveled down his throat. 

“She said: "No "! Can you imagine, I made all this for nothing, she burned down three years of my life! She is the wrong one. I was perfect. I bought her gifts, her favorite snack from the vending machine, and asked her out to the cafes. One time I even saved MY money up so I could pay for our special cruise. And all this for nothing, for the rejection, best years spent on this bitch!” 

He was whining and complaining like a fifth year old boy who did not get his way on the toy that he wanted to buy. “Gosh respect, come on!” - You thought. You tried so hard not to laugh at his face. He is so miserable as a person by himself. A man in his late 50s calling a bitch a woman who turned him down. “Just learn to accept rejection, hadn't he had half of his life to learn it?”. When your mind was lost in thought your ears peaked at the description of his ex.

“But her beauty, ohhh, her body to die for. The tight fitting outfits were showing off all of her gorgeous body. Her eyes are emerald green, red looks of voluminous hair, make-up was done flawlessly, always put together…” He sighed in the memory of his past lover.

Yes, you kind of liked his description but the sad part was that he cared the most was her looks. He said nothing about her qualities as a human. Is she kind? Outgoing? Extrovert or introvert? Does she like to hang out in bars or is she more like a stay at home person? You were having all these questions even though you never saw her. She might be cool if she pissed him off this hard.

__________________________________________Life works as the most humorous TV show that you can only imagine. Garry the man you met at a bar a couple of months ago. Now you were dating? Or so you called it.  More like friends with benefits or relationships without any responsibilities. Well to briefly describe your dynamics as a couple. He was working, you were working, nothing cool was happening. To be fair he tried to organize some dates but they were horrible. You two would always end up at the oldest, rastest bar in the whole town. Just so he can “legally” watch football during your date. If you are completely honest you did not mind, every time he was occupied it felt like a breath of fresh air. Some free time? You were not only “dating” but also sharing a flat. First it was chipper for you to save some money and secondly he was never there. 

Why were you with him in the first place? Experiment..? Or this one of many excuses. Nonetheless, you set boundaries with him. He was too lazy to work on gaining your trust or any sort of effort in these so-called relationships. But the lack of effort simply led him to spend time with his dudes watching football and all that boring men stuff. It didn't matter if he was occupied with work or if he was having fun with women, you simply couldn't care less. 

The main point was that you chose him, and you were living with him so that equals you are attracted to him. If you are finding him attractive that matters that you are attracted to men…? Right?

Despite this miserably boring lifestyle you got yourself into. You went to the bar again. If he can “cheat” or have fun with other women. Maybe you could try to find someone better than him? It was like your tradition at this point to get to that bar to drink beer or something stronger and that usually helped you to forget about your non boyfriend? Or what should you call him? But instead of seeing men there you saw her…

The beautiful stranger was sitting near you at the poorly lit bar. You were curious how she ended up here? Was she sinking her sorrows into the poisoned liquid or was it just a hard week? Did she break up with her boyfriend? Who in their right mind would not treat her right? This time you enjoyed the company of a captivating stranger. Maybe she did not know you liked her calming aura. But she doesn't need this information or she would think you are a creep. She probably has a lot of men beneath her feet. Ready to do anything for her. 

Using your side vision desperately trying not to stare you noticed her brightly red locks. Her hair was like a halo reflecting the red in her hair. Her green eyes were shining with sadness. You started to wonder who had hurt such a beautiful flower. Her delicate fingers firmly held onto the glass with cognac the courage liquid. Index finger playing with the rim of the glass. Debating whether or not she should talk with you.

“Are ya alone here hun?” - Thick Philly accent had brushed over your sensitive ears.

Your gaze was so fixated on her beauty that you missed what she said or asked, you were not sure. It felt like a dream. Like she was not real. You thought you had too many beers to process the situation you are in. Woman simply cannot be this magnifying and most importantly real… In flesh and blood sitting near you.

“You were talking to me?” You answered nervously. Playing with the rings on your fingers. Why were you nervous?

“Yes, we’re the only one’s here.” She gestured around the bar counter. As if it is the most obvious thing in the world. But you did not care if there were people or not, she was the one that took your interest.

Yes, yes you're right sorry.” You suddenly felt so embarrassed in front of this attractive woman. 

“You don't have to be sorry about anything hun. I was wondering why ya would be in a place like this? Why would such a fragile young pretty girl be here?” She asked with curiosity and concern evident in her voice. 

Your mind stopped in its tracks when she called you “fragile”. For some reason you liked it. You were a fight girl. You did not need anyone’s protection. But the word “fragile” tenderly slipped from her lips with care made you want something more. Oh here goes this feeling again — 

“You want an honest answer?” You asked with a chuckle.

“If you’d share” She simply answered, shrugging her shoulders.

“I was gonna look for a man but so far they all are disgusting…” you shared your truth.

This answer made a redhead laugh out loud. The good, sincere happy laugh. When she was giggling her face was hit by the sunlight. Highlighting all of her smile lines and freckles. Her eyes finally lit up with joy. You felt a pleasant warm feeling in your chest. You liked that you could add more smiles to her peach colored lips. 

“I was expecting’ anything but that answer–” her laugh betrayed her.

“Ya are funny, ya know that?” Her eyes sparkled with contentment. And for some reason you wanted to make her smile and giggle more… gosh her laugh sounded like the most melodic sound you ever heard in your life. 

“Well thank you, I guess.'' You were unsure of what to say. It's more like being stuck in wonder. Her beauty was so captivating it was challenging you to stay focused on her words rather than on her looks. 

“I’m gonna buy yа a drink, we need to chat and that’s on me.” She leaned closer to you. Trying to appear dangerous so there will be no room for argument. But it had a completely opposite effect on you could smell her sweet perfume, it was making you more drunk than you actually were. Of course, you said “Yes” to this offer!

That night gave you a new friend and companion during lonely nights. You could always call her and share whatever is bothering your soul. She has a guy for every single problem. The closer you got with Melissa the more tension you got in your household with Gerry. He did not like the idea that you were spending a lot of time with another person. Woman to be specific. He did not know her name or her appearance. But when you brought up all the women he has been with while you were at home he would get defensive trying to find insults. Which you found funny, a grown man doesn't know how to talk with you. He never understands you in the first place.

It didn't matter how open you were with Melissa or how close your friendship was getting. You try to hide that private part of your life. It does not feel right. For some strange reason it felt like betrayal. Initially because she shared with you intimate details of her failed marriage and engagement. You were there with every step of her healing journey. When she was angry, sad, lost, depressed. You started to wonder if all men were like this. Clumsy and ignorant to understand what their woman really wants. Maybe dating a woman is better? 

You felt obligated to share with her but the guilt was too much to be fully sincere. Especially with every passing month, it was enough time for you to gain her trust but you were terrified to admit it out loud that you were taken and saying this to her.. would be the point of no return. So your answer to her curiosity was that your life is boring and you simply don't have a partner. Even if she questioned your honesty with her, it was none of her business. First and foremost she was a friend and not a police officer to question you.

But this particular evening in the Italian's house you felt at peace. You loved to be with her. You felt so content. You have everything you'll need, even wine. She was so sweet to share some clothes with you. To be honest you didn’t bring some of Melissa`s items right back to her until her perfume would vanish away. That’s how much you loved her scent? Her—?

If you believed in God you would have thought that the guy was tempting you today. Melissa wore a short pink pj… That was a strong start to the evening. You could not focus on a single thing. Your mind and body were on fire. Your brain was working one hundred miles per hour. It was too much. But she was acting as if nothing was going on. Of course, all this was in your head. She simply was clueless about the effect this item of clothes was having on you. If you were more engaged in gay culture you would know that what you had at that specific moment called “A gay panic…”.

Your eyes started shamelessly to roam her body in the tight pink pajamas. You could not control it. She looked so delicious. The garment showed more creamy skin than you are used to. Of a year of your friendship you TAUGHT YOURSELF NOT TO REACT at all. Be cool about her tight, sometimes revealing outfits. But this – this was way out of line of your control. Your mind was just screaming how incredibly hot she was. If you didn't know better you would assume that she was seducing you. But gosh those hips and tights. Looked so soft it seemed to you that they were begging for your attention. To touch to explore the new flesh that was open for your eyes to see. And your fatal mistake was to move your gaze up to her chest. Now you were trapped, her breasts were one of the most attractive things. First you thought you were just jealous of her size and how confidently open she was with them. But now, it all felt in place, you got it. How full, squishy and tender they really are. To add to this almost see-through top of her pjs. That was a killer. You honestly don't know how men could be so stupid to miss on this real life goddess. The soft skin and nipples peeking out. You thought you were hallucinating, the buds were calling your name “Touch me” the words were echoing in your overstimulated brain. 

Next final thing was her bare face, it was a privilege to see her without a brave mask which included her makeup. She was a little bit insecure about how she looked without it. But all you could think of was kissing her face every part of it, her nose, eyes, temple. To show your adoration not only with words but with actions. Her skin looked absolutely flawless for you. Hell her body was absolutely fire. The other day she was complaining to you that she ate too much pasta and now she has added weight. But goodness gracious all you could see was the healthy curved body of your favorite woman. You loved her butt the second thing after her breasts and face of course. Even though you were absolutely drooling over her body and sexyness. You were better than a man. At least you respected her more and loved listening to her stories. Back to the subject, her kooley as people in Philly say is a work of art. All natural and seizable. You could only dream of putting your hands there and outrageously roam, pinch, caress all sorts of things. To feel it closer to you to get a better feeling. 

Her hair was put down, all that was left of her styling was a slight wave at the ends of auburn hair. She might not like how she looked like this but god you loved to see her like this. Bare face, less clothes (obviously), and natural hair structure. It was giving you an allusion to the ability to fantasize and experience domestic life with her. Where she is just your Mel and not that tough woman you know. She might appear as a lion but in reality under all these layers of makeup, clothes and hair she is just an orange silly little cat. Who is touchy and clingy to attention and hugs. 

“Hun are ya with me??” Her raspy voice was ticketing your ears pleasantly.  

“Huh? Yes yes.” You tried to sound convincing. Miserably failing with nervousness in your voice. You were caught red handed. She knew that you saw.. more like stared at her body. 

You never could fool her. She saw right through you. The sly smirk on her lips was the evidence that you were completely awful at lying. At least to her. 

“I asked if ya are okay?? You’ve been silent for this whole time.” She said either teasing or worrying, probably both. Slightly nudging your shoulder.

“Ohhh , right I was just thinking about my home stuff you know? Domestic life.” You cringed at your bad choice of words. Stupid lie that you made up on the spot. Without even thinking about it though. You rolled your eyes at the last sentence, which was nonsense. 

When she finally got your attention for the hundredth time. You two began watching the movie which was the main plan for the sleepover. Since you were much younger you would show her some new movies or TV shows that you loved. The biggest secret that you didn't know was that all the shows that you showed to her. Became her comfort movies and series. Calming her down after a stressful day at Abbott. Even though you weren't there with her but when she opened the streaming service to dive into the made up universe and characters it felt like you were right there with her, the whole time. It appeared as if the sun was shining on her during a rainy day. You were her sun.

The movie that she picked today was no help. It was a romantic line between characters who were friends but denied feelings for each other. Kind of reminded you of your situation with Melissa. But even if you would be brave enough to admit it to yourself. You couldn't even imagine what she was thinking about you. Were you her friend? Best friend? A distraction or a good company?

Melissa patted her lap as a sign for you to get comfortable between her plushingly seducing thighs to lay of course nothing more .“What a loss” You considered, but once again you were getting closer and closer with every passing hour. When you back touched her front it was challenging for Melissa to hold down a whimper that was willing to escape her mouth. The warmth of her body was too much, sending all kinds of sensations down to your core. Suddenly you are a hot, nervous mess but in the second she looks at you and pecks your temple you are a putty puddle in her hands. You don't care at this point. You wanted her to decide what will come next. You were just too insecure to make a move on a smoking hot redhead. Sure, she was intimidating but also she had her boundaries that you were too scared to overstep. Because you knew that one little childish mistake will lead you to lose the only person you care about in this town. 

The movie was progressing and a lot of things were happening but you were not focused at all. You tried to steal some glances at relaxed cute and real Melissa Schemmenti. It was such a rare sight for your eyes, but again boundaries. You were unaware how much she thought it was adorable. Oh, how you tried to respect her but also like a cutely clumsy school girl looking at her crush. You were admiring her beauty. Memorizing every small detail of her beautiful features. 

For some reason you skipped the moment in the annotation to the film which was describing the possible sex scenes. And that is certainly something that you would not like to watch together. Firstly it is hella awkward. Secondly you would be left with an uncomfortably wet spot in your panties specilly with Melissa by your side. But here you were with the main characters finally confessing their feelings and passionately kissing. “What dumbasses” you thought. To have all these feelings and not share them with the person you find attractive. (That was currently your situation that you were so stubbornly ignoring).

One blink of your eye and the older woman is pressing you down on her coach. Mumbling something under her breath. Her hands were passionately roaming your already overstimulated body. Her long sharp freshly manicured nails draw shapes over the fabric above your hips. These actions elicit a moan from your rosey lips. She fakely paunted at your moan playing innocence herself. Her sly smile and shiny with lust eyes were telling you another story. There was fire behind the emerald forest of greens in her eyes. She was more than ready to overstep, even ruin those stupid boundaries. Redhead was so tired of looking at the lips she could not kiss. It was a pure torture to the unpatient woman. But you were more worked up than she was. Which led you to yank her fiery locks of hair to make her meet your lips finally. You were so tired of this game for being a year long. Your lips were desperate to taste hers. Sloppy movements of tender flesh against each other. Smearing her cherry red lipstick all over your faces. Slightly biting on her sensitive bottom lip pulling it. The curiosity and excitement is rising in your body, making you buzz. 

But Melissa wasn't planning on holding back. She liked the way you tried to take the lead, but she will teach you manners later by edging you. While she was in thoughts the animalistic instincts took over you and the fact that she was sitting on top of you was just adding fuel to the flame. Her breasts are free from her usually tight bra, all free for you to see. Your hands were faster than you thoughts, you ripped the poor flap of her night t-shirt. And her breasts fall right to your face. Too blissed out to care, your palms squashed the desired flesh of her silky breasts. Nails teasing the very sensitive areolas making her chocolaty nipples stand in anticipation. Silently begging for any sort of attention.  

“Yesss… ah– like dis.” she whimpered out. Her eyes are rolling in pleasure.

Her accent is getting thicker with a mix of arousal and desire. Her raspy voice is like a natural aphrodisiac for you, making you more eager to please. Pushing stubborn redhead on shoulder blades, taking her by surprise, making Mel open her mouth and sneaking your tongue into her warm welcoming lips. She tasted so sweet her perfume was intoxicating your senses, making you addicted to a mix of musky and flowery scent. Her whines were getting louder with passing kisses. Suking on her tongue, your strong hands traveling over her tiny waist. Willing to see all of her you asked permission to tore down the seducingly tight pajama shorts she gave you an assuring nod. 

“No, no, I need your words.” Shaking your head in disapproval. Eyes shining with want.

You whispered in her ear, slightly biting the earlobe. Sending shivers all over her neck and making small hairs on her nape to stand up. You absolutely enjoyed the effect your actions and words were having on her body and state in general. Where is the lion everyone was so afraid of? Right now she appears incredibly lustful. Completely lost in the fog of want, desire, sexual longing. 

“Yes, yes please huunnn” She cried out. Bucking her exquisite hips to ease the job for you.

Ripping down the last garment of clothes seemed like a gift. She was your present to unpack and find the most sensitive buttons to tease and push. Carefully rather agonizingly slowly taking off the light pink, cotton shorts slowly revealing the glistening pussy. It was a view to see. Sexually frustrated Schimmenti trying so hard to suppress her frantic cries. But the ruined garment was the shameful evidence of her desire. You were admiring her long legs and lustrous hips. Now on full display only for your eyes to see. Her thighs seemed immensely empty, lacking any potential markings. Getting under your desire you felt like a predator eating its prey. You carefully started to explore the exposed flesh to your eyes, so hungry for more. Leaving slight love marks here and there initially provoking a sweet melody from the object of your admiration. Finally squeeze her deliciously seducing butt. Electrifying a nasty groan. 

Mel had a naughty idea to catch you off guard. Abruptly grabbing your hands makes your gaze meet. Her pupils were delayed, absolutely fogged out. You looked at her questingly, but she had her own plan, the lion was back and now you were the cat. Pressing tightly her body against your sweat mixing. She boldly licked your earlobe, slightly pulling on it. 

“Look who`s gon` all shy right now, let me be the boss.” She made accent on the last word clearly showing you your place. 

Just the slight dominance from her was sending you to another orbit of fantasy and possible pleasure. Her boobs were again in your face but instead of focusing on pleasuring the Italian beauty you felt how she was tearing your clothes off. Slowly, teasingly to make you taste the same treatment you made for her. She could smell your fluids in the air as she got closer. Sultry sweet, sweat, skin, wine. All in one, that's how she likes you and to add the cherry on top, you were completely at her mercy. Looking at your chest rising up and down, your heart is jumping straight out of your rib cage. To ease the beating she left the hickey right above your heart, leaving a purple and pink mark from the smeared lipstick. Your breasts were tantalizing her. Aroused nipples screaming for any sort of relief from the teasing partner. She took the hint and licked the stripe over the right nipple, her hand playing slowly with the left one. You are crying out at the wet sensation. Melissa`s hands continue shamelessly to crumpling your sensitive tits. Licking, sucking, blowing at the wet aroused skin. Making you surrender completely.

The redhead smiles at your relaxed face but now it is time to give you two a sweet well deserved release. She's been fantasizing about it, how you will come, how she will pleasure you, what faces you would make and how you would sound. Would she use her mouth on you or her sharp fingernails? Or maybe you would enjoy a bit of pain and pleasure together?  Would you scream, cry, fight? She often was getting off on these fantasies. Now she was getting desperate and her inner monologue was turning her on even more. (If it was even physically possible).

But the idea of cumming together and feeling each other's bodies was the one for tonight. So full of delight Melissa has stopped her assault on your reddened breasts. She had a look of concern and excitement written on her face.

“Baby are ya willin` to try somethin`out with me? Do you trust me enough?”

She asked in a gentle voice. Mel broke her dominant attire for this minute, she needed you to understand her intentions were nothing but good. 

“Yes fully. I am all yours.” You whined out in a weakened voice.

Your mind was clouded with all sorts of feelings. Love, arousal, overstimulation? Everything at once. But the concern in her voice and love in her gaze was warming your heart. Even if she wanted to destroy you, you would say “yes” in a heartbeat. 

She carefully parted your legs with warm hands of hers sending shivers to your sentave thighs. The sight of your glossy cunt was making her mouth salivating, just one thought about the exquisite taste was making her hips buck unconsciously. The action made you slip a tiny moan. Melissa put her legs over your hips making your cunts millimeters apart. Heavy breathings, chest rising in anticipation of the pleasure you two gonna share together. You broke the teasing it was too much at this point it felt like hours of torture. (You liked little bit of torture, but now its not about it, now is about connection). 

You palmed her hips, focusing the main attention on her kooley. Slightly pressing your pussies together, clits throbbing against each other. You both moaned at the pleasant contact. The wetness pressed to wetness. You could sense the surprised look from Melissa, she never thought she'd be this wet, and certainly that she could make you this wet. As Schemmenti is, she took the lead. Plush hips riding yours, sending electricity through both of you. Soaked clits touching, making you whine both shuddering at the aching feeling.

“Agh– like this please Mel.” You begged. 

If only you knew the effect begging had on Melissa. She liked every single sounds you made together whether it's a moan or watery sounds from your cunts. You cupped her rosy cheeks, making Italiano look you right in the eyes. The light banging of hips and the wet sounds filled the room. It felt like it was only you two in that room. Just you, just your feelings, pleasure. The heated kisses shared in the tender moment. Tugging at fiery red hair just added to the general bliss. Her soft skin, full puffy lips from all shared kisses between the steamy sessions, dark green eyes completely blown by lust. Melissa swirled her hips again making your clits in contact bringing the sweet pleasure from wonderful frequstion. It almost made you see stars. You were close and so was she. Breasts closely pressed together, nipples brushing, cunts closer than ever.   

“Mel baby I`m closeee.” You cried out, with tears in your eyes.

“Don't come yet, hun I want us to do it together.” Melissa breathed out with drops of sweat running down her face. 

You eagerly nodded, you didn't want to disappoint your lover. Bodies knit together, sweat, skin, smell of sex, and perfume overflowing the room. Melissa`s movements became increasingly stiff and steady making it her mission to make you cum. Putting all her body weight on your pelvis, humping her hips on your clit providing each step closer to the finish. She had her concentrated face which looked hot as hell. At this point anything could make you blow up with pleasure, but as a good girl you waited for your lover. Fiery Italian was getting closer and closer. Her first instinct was to press your head tightly to her deliciously full breasts.

“Yeah I'm almost there, suck on my nipple, hun please! I'm almost there!” She cried out while moving her thighs faster.

Melisa`s fist was in your soft locks pushing you impossibly close to her sensitive breasts. Sucking, nibbling, licking it later to smooth the reddened flesh. To provide the redhead release faster you bucked in the unison. Clits caressing against each other, hips riding the last straw to send you both into pure bliss. On the pick of your best orgasm you said:

“I LOVEE YOUU MEL aghhh!!” 

“LOVE YOUU HUN ughh!!” 

No awkwardness, just all the feelings that were bubbled inside were finally sent free by the sex, no it was lovemaking. Two souls tied together by love. Finally the ability to share and be honest with yourself ended up in a warm embrace with Melissa. She looked incredibly charming, her face a little red, sweat on her forehead but the smile and eye she was giving you. That was worth all the self doubt, battle and toxic thoughts of fixing yourself. You knew for sure you would never find another person who would fit your soul like Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmeni can. 

__________________________________________

And what about Garry? You got the message from him during the night you were too busy to respond. Simply he wanted to know where you were “Where the fuck are you?” But why would it matter if you are laying in the arms of the most beautiful woman you ever saw. You were done with him. He was fucking around and still expected of you to be faithful? Delusional. 

Thanks to Melissa and a lot of self analysis you get to the conclusion that men are probably not for you. No, they were surely not for you. You were lying to yourself for so long and now you were free. You just needed to find the right person and Melissa certainly was the one for you and you were the one for her. She just happened to be a woman and there is nothing wrong with it. There are more benefits than disadvantages.

Happy end! 

The moral of the story is gays, love women and only women. Girls don’t want men, they want Melissa Schemmenti.

tags: @janeyseymour @springwitch26 @pinkthrone445 @melagnes @iamnotoriginalphil @spoilmesweetieforficssake @realwitchieshit @fadingdaggerr @schemmentisbranzino @milfandh0ney @aspirationalpeony @agnessharknes @mandy-asimp @milfjuulpod @cosmichahn @schemmentigfs @daddy-heather-dunbar @spooky-holtz @the-bad-batch @beshbarmak1

[painted-bees]

Since I've been rotating Raf's mental illness in my mind this month as a way of smoothing my own brain, I've been thinking a lot about the ways his PPD and CPTSD symptoms interact, and how it affects his behaviors.

Firstly, Raf's paranoia isn't commonly accompanied by narcissistic traits. That is to say--he's not especially prone to believing that people have him on their mind all the time. If he walks past two people laughing, it's not his gut instinct to think that they are laughing at him. However, it is certainly his gut instinct to assume that they are laughing at someone.

But, unless they deliberately pause to regard him in an off putting way, his brain isn't gonna jump to the conclusion that he's the topic of their little chortle.

In fact, Raf rarely feels like he is being deliberately belittled by honest remarks when they are simply worded poorly. In some ways, he greatly prefers being called a jackass, to his face, in flat tones--than to receiving sweet, placating platitudes in a kindly tone. No matter how genuine the kindness may be behind the latter, Raf generally tends to interpret it...poorly. It gives him a really bad gut feeling, like they're buttering him up, mincing their words in a shallow attempt to gain his good opinion...all so that he won't suspect them later. Suspect them of what? Who knows. Something bad, something exploitative, something abusive. To him.

Raf doesn't suspect that everyone is out to use or exploit him. He fully believes that most people are capable of not thinking about him at all--even if he is physically present around them, such as in a busy train station. However, he does suspect that everyone who goes out of their way to interact with him, and especially everyone who wants to get to know him only do so in order to use or exploit him. And his basal understanding of human behavior is, generally, that kindness and good manner are most frequently used as tools of manipulation for personal gain rather than as an expression of genuine love and care. And he recognizes that this is only possible as a successful tool of manipulation because, just like him, everyone else wants to be genuinely loved and cared for.

Even his uncle, whom Raf does genuinely loves and trust, is suspected of being as kind and accommodating as he is to Raf only because doing so soothes his uncle's guilt and gives him a moral leg up over the rest of Raf's family. And part of Raf's initial willingness to trust his uncle is that his uncle never really...denies that this is, at the very least, a part of it. And--if that's all Uncle Bill really wanted outta Raf, then that was a perfectly livable arrangement.

Raf's CPTSD, on the other hand, generates the shame that serves as the crux for a lot of his self-critical introspection. Even before his diagnosis, he was harboring a sense that something was really, deeply wrong with him--like he wasn't a real person. And so, it felt radically audacious to assert that he deserved to behave as a real person; which included the right to feel and act upon anger and sadness--and to have those emotions received and treated with any level of respect by those around him. Until his final year at Juilliard, he was kind of in a placid(listless) state of learned helplessness. He'd do what ever he had to do to meet the expectations of his peers and instructors (namely, amphetamines. So much amphetamines.) It was just baaarely enough to get him his degree, and it ran him ragged and beyond resentful. He fully left Juilliard with the mindset of "I'm entering my villain era, I'm fully committed to being a Bad Guy, I am ok with everyone hating me now". And the "bad guy" behavior was just...saying no to stuff he didn't want to do, self-isolating, and outwardly expressing/lashing out when something viscerally upset him.

Which...thanks to the personality disorder, meant he became prone to yelling at people and accusing them of hurting or betraying him when they, in fact, did not. Especially...almost specifically the people closest to him, who cared the most about him and whom he cared the most for. And that's quickly what lead to his diagnosis, which kinda put an end to his 'villain arch'. So now he's back to reckoning with that sense of "something is really, deeply wrong with me", but at least now he has a growing understanding of what that is. And also the notion of "I have the 'bad person' disease--I am a Bad Person if I act on my core suspicions and beliefs, I cannot fucking trust myself, I can't trust my own perception of people or events." And now he's gotta balance that with whole "I deserve to feel safe, comfortable, and respected" alongside the critical notion of "but so does everyone else".

He hates it when people try to get to know him, he is fundamentally mistrustful of people. But at the same time, he has a lot of difficulty balancing his boundaries against the infringement of other people's boundaries--and the root understanding of "Something is wrong with me, I'm the problem, the fact that I think other people are the problem--is part of the problem that is me." is what motivates him to delay acting upon his negative impulses as much as is is able to, and to exercise kindness even when it feels like he's walking directly into a fire.

So, his overall kinda...thing is "I don't trust any of these guys, they clearly want something from me, and if I let them get close enough, they won't care if they have to hurt me to get it[PPD] but I'm a fundamentally busted person with a fucked up perspective and thus it is actually safer if I prioritize their comfort over my own[CPTSD] within certain parameters[therapy]"

and, idk...the big flashing red "ISOLATE, ISOLATE, ISOLATE" sign shows up in there on a frequent enough occasion that he just...has no real friends, despite a billion "good" acquaintances.

Despite all his mistrust and suspicions, the feelings of being fundamentally unlovable for willfully/protectively limiting the range of his 'usefulness', his terminally pessimistic outlook on the nature of human beings--he craves so tremendously to be loved and cared for and held and reassured in such a way and to such an extent that could never be fully sated, I am sure. But he couldn't stand to receive it from someone he can't believe in.

Margie accidentally hack speedran his CPTSD coping mechanisms so hard that she clipped through his paranoia until the collision error launched her into Trusted Person status. And he's just mostly confused and a bit anxious over how it all happened so fast.

[that's a joke...kinda]

[ouatsnark]

I'm sorry I gotta say this real quick:

The showrunners' treatment of Graham was godawful and they did it purely because they had no way to spin it so Regina was secretly the victim of that scenario/could be made sympathetic in it. When it came to Graham she was a rapist, a captor, a horrible evil person. There is no making that right without some serious remorse and also probably fixing Graham's whole life which she can't do bc she fucking killed him. She raped a man she was forcing to work for her and then murdered him and no one ever mentioned it again or attempted to hold her accountable.

Also it's not like death was a dealbreaker and there's no reason to bring it up again bc they went to the Underworld! They could have had him there or even given him a nod by having Regina or Emma try to find him and find out that he had moved on and found peace and they didn't, almost certainly because like I said there was no way to make Regina the victim.

Instead they gave Regina an arc with her daddy where she was sososo sorry but it was already okay because Henry (y'know the guy who did nothing but support and uplift her and she killed him for it) already forgives her. And!! He says that actually he bears responsibility for having let her mother 'get in the way of who she really is' which by the way is fucking meaningless bc Cora wasn't around all that much while Regina was queen/trying to kill Snow White so most of that was all her.

Why the fuck would we waste an opportunity to actually redeem her by showing her, say, helping one of her victims find peace (possibly by reuniting with his wolf who she just kinda stole or getting to at least hear that someone fucking remembered he existed and cared about what happened to him) so that we could see one more 'poor Regina was so sad and lonely after she treated everyone like shit and started killing people en masse to spite a ten year old girl' episode? Who cares?

The sad thing is I'd probably like her if the writers didn't meatride her so fucking hard.

In fairness, Graham's death was early on and I fully believe at this point Regina was still going to be the "big bad" Emma was to defeat and should've gone away at the end of the season.

But yes, no way they would've reminded the audience in S5 about one of Regina's most grotesque crimes that effected Emma present day. There was no way they could bring that up while pretending they'd already told us (not shown) that they'd redeemed Regina.

[lady-of-the-silver-lakeatron]

Bridgerton Season 3 Episode 1 Initial Reactions

I didn't get to post these reactions so I'm posting them late as I needed time to edit all my 3am typos (cry) from Thursday.

Bless Francesca for being the funniest lowkey Bridgerton with that piano playing scene.

I swear I paused the Colin glow up reveal scene to analyze everyone's reaction. My top choices are Anthony and Kate and Bennedict.

ABC reunion + Gregory being adorable. I love when they show the sibling interactions.

Backs up, did I just see ASL from a debutant! That is so cool!

Queen Charlotte is having none of these people lmfao

Not Eloise getting dragged by Colin by her fashion choices (peak brother-sister vibes)

Stop- Francesca: “y'all are chaotic yappers the lord cannot present me a harder challenge”

Featherington's! I almost forgot both of Pen's sisters were married here! I keep remembering the book (romancing Mr. Bridgerton) and that the show has arranged things differently.

Prudence's man (I cannot/ do not remember his name) is giving such strong Kenergy.

Would it be the Featherington household without financial drama?

Eloise - Pen meet up, omg the heart break in their eyes!!

Cressida, when I get you!! It has been 0.5 seconds since this girl got to this garden party and she's already bullying Pen. Girl breathe.

Cressida-Eloise is intriguing as a dynamic I’m afraid. Also, Pen’s sad little face (cry)

I'm a bit confused with Francesca's interest in the marriage mart right now as she seems to prefer being around small groups of people and does not have much interest in being around guys. It feels as if this is a chore she must fulfil.

Kate -Violet solidarity is so cute to see after the angst of last season

Lady Danbury in the white ensemble with the top hat is looking magnificent I want her to poke someone with her cane!!

I'm liking the make up on Kate much more this season??? She seems a lot more glowy and rosy, maybe it's the lighting or something but her make up looks different.

I'm so sorry but Colin getting all this attention after having a literal hot girl summer is vv funny. Like he's in his early 20s lmao, but he is not giving confidence he is giving slightly awkward line reading with no chemistry. In the books him being more rakish was believable because it was set 10 years later.

Colin meeting and talking to Pen, side eye my boy. I'm loving the costuming choices to visibly show they are both uncomfortable/ do not fit their clothes well and it’s so starkly done. Poor Pen in this yellow dress makes her look a lot more juvenile (which isn't bad but it is unflattering). And Colin with what I am assuming are Anthony hand me downs since that jacket looks frumpy. The parallels!

Omg "Go home and get to work" Mrs.Featherington is so unserious

One sentence horror story "I take comfort in knowing you will always be there to take care of me". Get out miss Penelope runnn

Colin had one slutty slutty summer and the fact they keep trying to frame it as mostly intellectual is sending me.

Eloise reading Jane Austen! Is this character development?

Every scene so far where Pen and Eloise see each other gives the vibe of two exes meeting after the most devastating break up, I appreciate this framing so much because losing your childhood girl best friend is one of the most painful types of breakups.

ABC hang out?? Bennedict responsibility arc?

"She is colder now I am afraid" is a wild way to say someone is dead.

NEWTON!! BABY!! KANTHONY! IN! BED! BEING ROMANTIC!!

Damn! We're getting steamy af scenes already in the first episode! Anthony needing to go down on his wife to start off the day is certainly something I can get behind.

OOh this outfit reveal! Yessssss bb Pen eat them up! Penelope having a *debut* moment.

Aww the Featherinton spouses are sweet.

I see you Colin with that side eye

Omg Penelope being a bombshell and being socially awkward is so cute. You’ll figure it out soon bb don’t give up, they’re just jelous!

Ooh these girls are not liking Eloise they're sus

I'm a little uninterested in the queen charlotte diamond drama atm

Francesca: Live Laugh Love the piano forte

These guys are being so rude to Fran like let the poor girl speak! You’re traumatizing her.

Kanthony dancing and Kate's dress to reference the Bridgerton blue?? Oh the costume department has served.

Aww walflower solidarity with Francesca and Penelope. They're both the more reserved of their family, it's sweet moment between the two and the encouragement!

I know we won't love lord Debling but he's looking so sweetly at Pen and being so welcoming compared to everyone else.

CRESSIDA they can never make me like you, you little brat.

Yes, Pen eat him up give it to him tell him!!! "You miss me but you would never court me". GET HIS ASSS!!

 I fear our girl will be writing some scathing lady Whistledown.

This man threatening the Featheringtons is a gremlin, and I am getting bad vibes.

This conversation about the pitting of women against each other is valid social commentary but I cannot focus on it as it appears Cressida has murdered a flock of flamingoes to make her outfit.

Self-awareness, Cressida, does not free you from your crimes!

Kanthony is serving this episode. I appreciate this blissfully married life on them! Also Kate’s outfits are so intricate and beautiful. She has come so far.

Francesca so far feels like an external character, and it was similar in the novels until we got to her book. I really hope we get more context for her outlook soon.

Colin, what are YOU doing here. The way that Luke N is serving this season, whew. I really can buy his clueless innocence at his friendship with Pen, but finally the plot is plotting!

I'm very confused by this Baron Kent plot line and its introduction in the first episode.

OOH the drama for Colin's Whistledown dress down.

She really said he ain't shit, it's a facade, a ruse, he's a sad little attention whore

Colin: FUCK lady whistle down all my homies hate lady whistle down.

I'll keep it short. It was simply exhilarating. I love being back it's like slipping into a comfy worn hoodie. It's good to be back!

[chibimui]

The Apothecary Diaries LN3 Thoughts: Prologue - Ch2

(Previous LN: Vol 1 - Vol 2)

I'm back! Took a bit of a break to do some proper adulting, touch some grass before the winter sets in etc. etc. I was also waiting to get my hands on the actual physical hard copies of the Japanese LN's so I could read the remaining LN's in Japanese!

(Warning: These thoughts may contain spoilers from later light novels all the way up until LN15.)

---

To start things off, in my head I consider this the corresponding "Jinshi" novel to the "Maomao" novel we got in LN2. This novel focuses it's attention much more on the royal family and provides a lot of the missing foundation to our understanding of the previous Emperor and his rule. One of the main conflicts of this novel is also Jinshi's identity and how he struggles to figure out a good way to tell Maomao who he is.

All of this gets presented to us right away in the prologue.

The prologue of LN3 is one of my most favourite openers from almost all the light novels. When you first read it, you aren't even really sure who you're reading about at first until you get to the end and realize that the chapter is actually about Jinshi. And even then, nothing is explicitly clarified. Jinshi is never named as the child, nor are any of the royal members identified either.

This scene painted here is so intense. I'm so excited to see how the anime portrays this (partly because I want to see a baby Jinshi =P). More seriously, It does such a good job of describing the former Emperor as basically this sad, decrepit old man, who is terrified of basically all the woman around him, and then there is Jinshi. Jinshi who is terrifed and has no idea who his own father and grandmother apparently are.

Jinshi was so sheltered as a kid you guys. He wasn't even told about who the members in his family are, or even what position they are. Extra information from the author also has informed us that he basically wasn't allowed to leave his residence until he was much older. It's honestly a wonder Jinshi didn't grow up to be even more of a spoiled brat and I think our understanding of his background really puts into perspective why he continues to be so childish. He had to simultaneously grow up stupidly fast in the public eye, despite having almost no training to exist in the public eye for the early years of his life.

And finally we get to the concern that Jinshi will be holding onto for the entire novel and which resolves itself... kind of disastrously in some ways, but also perfectly in others.

Oh Jinshi. You certainly understand how smart and brilliant Maomao is, but you continue to underestimate how strong Maomao's denial game is. You shall learn in due time my boy.

Chapter 1 - Books

Curious puppy Jinshi strikes again in this chapter! This is one of those moments where it becomes really obvious that Jinshi sometimes kind of just... seeks Maomao out because he can, and he wants to know what she's up to. And gets grumpy when he's reminded that oh yeah - he has a role to play.

Palace Porn Purveyor Maomao also returns, with her receiving a box of "teaching materials" at the doctor's office while Jinshi is there. I love how Maomao tries to dissuade Jinshi from peaking at the stuff by implying it's filled with her underwear--and it works until Gaoshun calls her out on her bluff.

(Look at that curious baby).

By the way, I love the detail that Lady Lihua also loves reading this stuff. It's such a nice addition. Like - yeah okay of course the Emperor, the man, likes porn, but women can like porn too!

This is also hilarious - Gaoshun acting as a personal censor to the porn the Emperor gets to read??? Honestly, why? WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS GAOSHUN. I still don't really understand why he did this, but it just comes off as so funny to me. Maomao being like "well, he wanted things more intense" and Gaoshun's just like "No.😐".

So after this whole porn shipment debacle we learn that Jinshi actually wanted to contact the porn book publishers for reasons other than getting his hands on more porn! In fact, this was all a way to kickstart Jinshi's plan to improve literacy within the rear palace.

This is just one of many initiatives we shall see Jinshi push for that reveals how he's actually a pretty competent leader. From these efforts and through Maomao's interaction with Xiaolan we actually get to see someone go from completely illiterate--not knowing even how to write her own name--to being able to write Maomao a farewell letter by LN4.

Speaking of Xiaolan, I didn't talk about her much in LN1 and LN2 because she doesn't show up much, but she gets so much more page-time in this novel and the next and I love her. Her interactions with Maomao are so sweet and I genuinely miss her presence in future light novels. I feel like her and Shisui really were true friends for Maomao. Not that her future friends are not also friends, but Maomao really doesn't seem to put up too much pretense with Xiaolan. Xiaolan is easy-going, but also hardy in a way where stuff that Maomao says also doesn't really phase her much either.

She might come off as fairly innocent and naive due to her lack of education, but she certainly is not delicate, squeamish, or a pushover. Case in point.

(Maomao please stop trying to teach people apothecary-related terms plzzzz)

Random aside, but as someone who attended Chinese school - much like what Maomao did for Xiaolan, the first words I learned how to write were also my name! Hilariously though, there was a period of time where I actually wrote my name incorrectly because my uncles had given me a name plate (like something you'd put on your desk) with my Chinese name on it... and it had the wrong character. (One of the characters in my name is 青 but my uncle wrote it as 清).

Chapter 2 - The Cat

This is one of those cute breather chapters that still ends up being very important mainly because we get introduced to two very important characters - yes, I said two, Maomao the cat is just as important as Shisui okay!!!

We also get some more details that flesh out Lady Gyokuyou's character as being more open-minded, practical, and future-thinking.

(she gets my vote for future Empress for sure.)

And then we get our first glimpse as Shisui!

I am excited for anime-only's who will once again get their minds blown halfway through S2 when they realize Shisui being around during this moment was actually significant!!! AHHHHH!!! It's seriously so satisfying how well details and little bits of information click into place in later parts of the story, and rather than making The Apothecary Diaries boring to re-read it makes it so damn fun.

More on that later. For now, the remainder of the chapter is focused on cat-related shenanigans.

This is of course the chapter where Jinshi becomes enlightened as to why he may or may not be attached to cats. Or a very specific cat. I encourage everyone to check out the manga scans of this part--either of the mangas. It's hilarious either way. I love the image of Jinshi just plopping a cat on his face after he has his realization of why he may be so fond of a particular "cat" in his presence.

The reason I'm glossing over all this stuff though is because there is something really specific I wanted to end off this post with! Translation talk!

Specifically I want to talk about the final line in this chapter:

I really just want to highlight how creative this translation is in conveying that Maomao--the cat's name, is a pun. Something that did not have to be explicitly explained in the Japanese text where the original line was:

「どうでもいいが、名前が『毛毛』になってことだけは解せぬ。実に解せぬ猫猫だった」

A literal translation of this sentence being closer to something like:

"It didn't really matter, but Maomao(猫猫) could not understand why the cat's name had to be "Maomao(毛毛)". She truly could not comprehend it."

Now in Japanese, it's very obvious that Maomao--the cat's name--is actually different from Maomao--the person's name, as they are two different kanji, but the similarity in pronunciation was purposeful to make the pun. Also the specific use of どうでもいいが (similar to someone in English flippantly saying "Whatever." *rolls eyes*) and the repetition of 解せぬ (to not comprehend/understand) in the final sentence "実に解せぬ猫猫だった" absolutely implies that Maomao is Not. Amused.

If you had gone with my literal translation though, the entire joke of the pun would not be conveyed--English readers would just assume Maomao the cat literally has the same name as our protagonist, which would be incorrect. They do not have the same name, they just sound the same, and that is what is funny. My literal translation also doesn't really get across Maomao's mood.

The reason I'm highlighting this line is really just to bring praise to translators who are willing to take creative liberties and to help people see that this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I will clarify - I am by no means a professional translator. I took one course in university and then just did some fansubbing. But I find so many people online getting so uppity about "bad translations" etc. and a lot of the time they're just harping on different translations - not necessarily bad ones.

For me, I am definitely someone who sticks to doing more "literal" translations, but that's actually why I really admire folks who don't. I think it makes translation more fun to have a range. At the end of the day, I think the range really depends on how much you want to localize your translation to the second language, or how much you are trying to preserve the artistry of the base language.

Anyway, that's my translator schpiel for today to end off the chapter. I don't know how often I will point out stuff like this because I don't have the novels memorized enough to notice when a creative liberty was taken on the English side of things, but if other things come up I'll probably point it out.

Until next time!

---

ch3-5

[natequarter]

i've been thinking about the ghosts' lives, and i think we exaggerate the extent of their loneliness whilst they were alive. i don't deny that some of their afterlives (mostly humphrey) are filled with loneliness and boredom, but that doesn't account for who they were and what they did in life. it doesn't help that, in the case of humphrey and fanny, most of their flashbacks or anecdotes of their lives are centred on their marriages and respective estrangement - but nothing suggests that their lives in general were sad and lonely.

in en français it's mentioned that humphrey is attending a feast, and in the book we see fanny writing letters to her friends, as well as the menu for her own banquet. neither of them seem miserable at the prospect of these social events, which suggests to me they both had friends of their own. we also get to see the captain's interactions with his regiment (aka idiots fumbling around), kitty hitting it off with a young man her age, and pat writing postcards to his family. none of that seems to suggest overwhelmingly lonely or isolated lives to me, even if those feelings were at some point present. within the show, as well, fanny's relationship with george actually seems quite warm and affectionate. it's only with hindsight that we can see carol's cheating or george's threesomes and murder.

another thing to remember is unhappy marriages were common in the past, thanks to arranged marriages and a lack of access to counselling or divorce. humphrey couldn't have annulled his marriage - the reformation didn't actually change the laws surrounding marriage in england. divorce (when it finally did come around) was also hugely stigmatised well into the twentieth century - even when it was legal, it wasn't necessarily a viable option. this is why a happy marriage, whilst convenient, wasn't necessarily the expectation. taking on mistresses or visiting brothels were common behaviour amongst tudor men for a reason, despite being frowned on by the church, so his marriage was not the be all and end all.

we also get an overwhelming focus on humphrey's home life. humphrey is stated to be nobility and a knight, so he almost certainly spent a large part of his life at court, where he would've had frequent interactions with men his age - and just people full stop - some of whom were probably lifelong friends, and whom he would have written to even when not at court. besides court, as a rich and powerful man, he would have interacted with a lot of people in his daily life - guests at his house, negotiations, really a constant stream of visitors, not to mention being constantly surrounded by servants. his life, unlike his death, was probably a far cry from lonely and forgotten.

one other thing we don't really get a sense of in ghosts is the ghosts' family. does the captain have siblings? did mary have a close relationship with her parents? did humphrey have children? we get some answers to these - we see pat and julian's relationships with their families, and we know fanny must have had kids - but with mary and humphrey in particular, we never really get a sense of what their families looked like beyond one or two relatives. we don't see kitty's cousins; we don't see mary's children; we don't see thomas' siblings. and so on, and so forth.

it's just part of how the show is structured, not an intentional flaw, but i do think we sometimes exaggerate the extent of the ghosts' lives. many of these people were surrounded by friends and acquaintances! we just don't see it so much, because those people are all very dead. the only place this is really preserved and present in the show is in the plague ghosts' friendships, which give us an idea of their very communal and interdependent lives. oh, and robin's tribe. and the incest...

it's easy to forget the ghosts' lives when they've been dead for so long, but i think we do them a disservice when we ignore the majority of their pasts to focus on one aspect of their relationships.

[loopingpyre]

Shadow knife dies so hard in the original they forgot to put him in the final dungeon. This might be a bit all over the place. There was a lot. Most of the final two eps are the characters accepting their decision to be better when they get back. Izuru being on the spectrum makes a ton of sense. Not the direction one expects from the cool loner type. Unlike Mifue and Suzuna, Kotono is too straight for the female MC. Tragic. Kinda messed up you can give Suzuna codependency issues though. Shogo's was great. 13 years...and then he gets a chance to do things right the second time. And all of a sudden Thorn with the steel chair making him go through that again in the ending. My man cannot catch a break! Still, points for being the most forthcoming about how it's gonna suck for everyone when they get back. Even at the end before the Mu fight he calls reality hell. Nice reminder that their real struggles are after they get back. I can't imagine the game expected the Marie bit to be an actual twist. I wasn't ready for her transformation though. Where is she keeping all of those bombs... Super cool tie! Shadow knife's eps. If the Eiji death messed him up this bad I can't imagine how miserable Kotaro's would've been. Pretty much was a longer version of his stuff from the tower which I didn't mind. Mu kinda breaks in the second half of his and Wicked's story. Sad. Wicked though. Wtf! I was so unsure what the point of her story was at first. She doesn't really learn much of anything nor does she care to and you barely get more insight into her over the course of it. Reading that she was comatose and then seeing the hospital scene though. It stirred something within me for sure but I don't know if I can word it. Maybe it's that some people in Mobius just can't be helped? Her scars run so deep and she's also not even capable of living and trying like the rest of them when they go back. Then again her grandfather doesn't take the mask off so she's still got a chance if she wakes up? There's hope there but she's so far gone I'm not sure if you're supposed to believe in that. I will say Ike-P's comments when you are in the aquarium with Shadow Knife and Wicked and depressed Mu were hilarious. I felt so bad for him. He's too normal for all that. Thorn was certainly an antagonist. Part of me was expecting a much deeper reason with Ichika but nope just a lost love/friend. Like if they weren't whispering in Mu's ear then they could've been an earlier musician and Wicked could've been the one who wanted to destroy the world. Grand Guignol sucked. Looks awesome but man those hallways were long. Interesting that Mirei didn't need to be brainwashed of all people. Kuchinashi and Wicked being done with reality made sense but I guess there's not much left for Mirei either (in her eyes). Stay in Mobius ending was insanely miserable. As for the actual end. Happy that Mu and Aria can be together again. I will say Aria did grow on me over the course of the game and only a small percent of that was seeing the yuri vision between her and Mu. Trying to guess who everyone was in the credits was a fun little game. I really liked how even the characters who didn't have much of an image problem still presented differently in Mobius. Also liked how they didn't really show anyone's face. Makes them regular people who are back to a regular world. Seeing the musicians interacting with the club members was super sweet too. I wonder if Mirei knew that was Kotono and her kid. While there's a lot of hope, the Kuchinashi one was quite the downer. Feels like the game wants you to play out how their lives will play out including however you defined the mc. A little meta that you don't really see the MC? The person in Mobius is your avatar and when you finish the game you're back to living in reality. Might be reading too much into that though. Quick note on the last few songs. Were there like effects or something? How was she doing that with her voice?? Might have some final things to add once I sleep on it. Thank you for reading my rambling this whole time! 4096 limit.

So the fun part about the Wicked thing is that her character episodes are a bit limited. This is because there's a natural stopper in the form of an official light novel sequel to the game, that's all about her.

You can find a translation here if you're interested. I adore this thing so much, this was written before Overdose was released, so future content couldn't really contradict it. The 12 episode anime adaptation actually gives her more screentime outside of Naruko so it's less of a twist, but that anime is already more of a fun fan thing because it's not a straight adaptation of the game to begin with. The whole thing about reality and hell is that it's trying to play on the game's fancy tagline that uses a special kanji that refers to both of those words at the same time, reality is hell. Thorn is very interesting also because like, their backstory is packed with Stuff that they keep hidden from you and there's so many wild implications in the idea of assuming someone else's guise so they 'aren't dead'. Like, holy shit. I like how the ending is stylised like that. It's rather interesting in that it's an overdose exclusive addition, and Takuya Yamanaka, the game's director isn't actually sold on if it was the best thing to even add because he wanted it to be interpret-able and not just give them happiness, but he also wanted players to get a little bit more out of the characters if they'd already played the vita game. It's one of those things where I think they managed to run a smidge better in the anime due to being able to just do whatever. I like Kuchinashi and Shogo just so happening to cross paths though, that's cute. The last few songs are especially insane, the boss rush in the grand guinol is all new overdose remixes, arrangements by Cosmo@P, who also composed Thorn's theme, Distorted Happiness. They go incredibly hard and I think it has to be a combination of skills to make Ueda's voice go wild. I'm really glad you enjoyed the game! If you ever come up with any other notes about it let me know, it's been a ton of fun reading your stuff!

[hithertoundreamtof23]

We Live in Time Review

Non-spoilers first:

Wow. Where to begin??

I just sat there and zoned out for a good hour just crying. Not necessarily because of how sad it was, but because of the beauty.

Both Andrew and Florence captured the ups and downs of life so beautifully. Their arguments, funny moments, serious conversations, and love scenes were all full of so much chemistry and natural emotion. It didn't feel forced in the slightest.

Some parts made me cry, some made me laugh, some made me angry and scared.

I loved how they cut it between the past and present. It made each moment feel brief, which was the entire theme of the movie: that you should make the most of every moment. This movie certainly made the most of every moment. There were no "filler" scenes or moments that felt unnecessary; instead, they balanced both drawn-out scenes and short montages. It made each moment count, and left me gripping onto each scene not wanting it to end.

The cooking, skating, flirting, scenes with their daughter- it all came full circle from beginning to end. (I'll never be able to even look at an egg in the future)

Spoilers::

Andrew at the beginning was so funny. Him just sitting in the bathtub eating snacks and limping to the store was such a mood. It became even funnier when he got run over.

The scenes of them trying to conceive and going through treatments and everything and eventually conceiving was amazing! It tied in perfectly to the scene of her giving birth in the gas station, which I found absolutely hilarious and stressful.

Florence did amazing in that scene with giving birth and Andrew's reaction to it was perfect! He was worried, stressed, overwhelmed, confused on the phone, encouraging and protective (him knocking the door down to get to her was amazing!)

The ending was what really got me. Almut admitting her fears to Tobias and him supporting her even when she went behind his back was truly heartfelt. The time ticking down for the competition with the daughter falling asleep and Tobias being worried about the time ending, and the scene with the ice skating and them telling Almut bye absolutely broke me.

Then it all came full circle with the egg scene and the father-daughter relationship of them making the most of the time without Almut while still remembering her- ckgxxjfzoych

I can't. Goodbye

[honouredsnakeprincess]

Well, friendos, you probably didn't expect three notes in the course of an evening, even if the first was kind of nothing! Season 3 Episode 1 has given me a fair few things to say, though!

First, the pettiness and minutiae:

I like the new yorker fellow. Didn't quite catch his name, but I like his accent (is that a new york accent? don't rightly know).

This might be another 'seeing 3d models where none actually existed' incident, but I couldn't help but notice that ECorp was marked as "Evil Corp" when Mr Robot was going through that power plant search engine, which is something it isn't changed to when Elliot isn't present. I don't recall if Mr Robot does this too, but if he doesn't (and part of me suspects he does not) then Elliot might be more aware of things than immediately apparent.

It really seems like the calm relationship between Elliot and Mr Robot has gone away. :( That's pretty sad, I was happy they were getting on better for a while there, but I guess that wasn't set to last given how much of the show's core drama relies on that conflict.

Angela seems to have been largely stripped of her dynamism and pluckiness. Previously she has been a very active character, moving from one plan to the next and constantly adapting, but that seems to have ceased following the surrealism. We'll see where this goes.

Anyways, the main thing I want to talk is politics. Boo! The scary communist is going to be mildly critical of 2017-era American liberalism!

This show really is a product of its time, and I kind of adore it for that! I regard it almost as a work of fantastical historical fiction, even though I was obviously very much alive in 2017. Still, I think sometime in my coverage of late season 1, I expressed some hesitancy towards how the show portrayed revolutionary activity; obviously the actions of a small cadre of individuals will not be sufficient to usher in a revolution, and merely disrupting large financial institutions is unlikely to actually have a substantial destabilizing effect on capital-at-large. I think I expressed some hope that the show would grapple with this.

It seems to have sort of done so, but in a way I'm not sure I agree with entirely? The 5/9 attack did not meaningfully damage capitalism, or even destroy Evil Corp, it just caused what seems to be a depression and some infrastructural failure, and enabled economic meddling by the Scary Chinese. Mostly, it just made the lives of individual people kind of shittier by disrupting financial services and depriving them of their savings, mortgages, etc. The richest characters we meet in season 2 are largely unaffected in their personal holdings and comforts.

In this episode, Elliot decides to take the blames for every stress and strain caused by these events onto his own shoulders in a montage cutting between clips of Donald Trump, Angela Merkel (I think? Might've been her British counterpart, I've a bad habit of failing to differentiate between German Bundeskanzlers and British Prime Ministers and I don't care enough to check at this point), the construction of border walls, and scenes of abject poverty, and this speaks to a view of politics I don't specifically think is sound.

Certainly, economic instability is something that is latched onto by reactionary elements in government, but I think to contextualize this properly we have to situate Mr Robot as a historical text~! I am not a historian of 21st century Americana, nor do I much want to be, but I think I have the broad strokes down.

The Occupy Wall Street movement, from which this show takes a lot of its first season's politics, was fundamentally not a consciously proletarian movement. It was overwhelmingly white office workers, who tend to hold themselves apart from the wider proletariat (even when they ultimately share most of their interests with said class) by virtue of being "management", and lacked a strong political programme. Ultimately, these were liberals protesting against a liberal system that had mistreated them specifically, they were not protesting against the general predations of capital.

Many of the same people who were strongly supportive of the Occupy movement during its height were shocked and appalled when Donald Trump ran for public office, and even more upset when he won the Presidency despite projections that his opponent would easily best him. This was not inherently an unreasonable reaction, the man's a fucking reactionary and there isn't much to like about him or his policy!

The great difficulty is that many of these liberals took to exceptionalizing Trump as a far more significant figure than he actually was, likely due to his almost complete abandonment of euphemism and modesty when going about the horrid business of American governance. Border fascism had long been a bipartisan position (as we can see by recent criticisms of Trump during the 2024 elections not being for calling to build a wall, but for failing to deliver on said promise), but under Trump this took the form of loudly and belligerently calling to "build a wall and make the Mexicans pay for it". Similarly, travel restrictions on muslim-majority countries and on people with arabic-sounding names were not new by the time of the Trump administration, but calling such measures a "muslim ban" certainly was!

Essentially, Trump and his broader wave of reactionary politicians, while certainly a step in a rightward direction generally, were more significant in the respect that they raised the volume of what were already mainstream right-wing or bipartisan political beliefs! Courting white nationalists was not new; courting white nationalists as blatantly as this was new and outrageous!

This was scary! This was apocalyptic! Had fascism finally come to roost in its ancestral homeland? The astute commentators noted that in some respects it had lived in America for decades at that point, and still some elements of fascist politics had yet to arrive. At the end of the day, Trump was only a little bit outside of the norm in terms of actual policy, the horrors of "trumpism" were much the same horrors his immediate predecessors had carried out, and would be carried out by his successor in the presidency as well. Still, this shakeup in discourse if not in policy created a certain millenarian feeling in American and broader "Western" politics, a sense of doom that had long been impending but which now affected the specific type of white, "not rich but comfortable" liberal office-workers who had driven the Occupy movement.

So here is Mr Robot, which has spent two seasons criticizing corporate America, and whose viewpoint character must now absolve everyone from Adam Smith to money to the corporate structure and on and on of their guilt in the deterioration of conditions, in order to place the blame squarely on his own shoulders, and resolve that the current crisis must come to an end, and everything must return to some kind of status quo.

Mr Robot does not want to return to the status quo, for his part, but now he is in the company of a woman who has literally been brainwashed, a murderer/former corporate executive, a shady hacker circle with no ethical standing, and subversive foreign elements from China. I don't think he is meant to be right here!

I don't know where this is going, but the more I think about it the more apprehensive I get, frankly. I could be entirely wrong about this, too, and I'm still enjoying the show quite a lot, so I will keep watching in the future.

Angela's monologue at the end of the episode also had a certain millenarian quality to it, even more literally with talk of the birth of a new world and it being ended by the return of light to the city. I wanted to work this in somehow to my commentary on historical and political context, but I forgot how I was going to do that. Good song, too.

[imsailorpluto]

Call It Love (2023), Kang Min-yeong

This one makes me awfully sad. There are lots of things one can label as "wrong" and "immoral". Life isn't all black and white, no matter how hard we try to make it that way. As a woman, I tend to side with other women any chance I get, no matter if it turns out to be a big mistake.

Dong-jin, even if you're played by Kim Young-kwang, I can't let you off the hook, sorry.

Their break up makes me think it was a bit of everyone's fault. Sure, we could just oversimplify it and say they weren't compatible in the first place. We still have no idea what he did, but she cheated anyways, so this is where we should just shut up all together. Well, maybe they were both too young and inexperienced to deal with their parents' burdens. It's best to learn on other people's mistakes, but this time neither of them could escape their own selves.

Dong-jin's mother is one peculiar women nobody would ever want to meet in any kind of circumstance. Her son avoids her best way possible, but she always finds a way back into his life, destroying everything she touches. Min-yeong comes from a disgustingly wealthy family (I mean the woman drives a Maserati, that car scene alone made me weep), it's only natural her life is full of problems as well; her parents never approved of her relationship in the first place. For a girl who seems to be hurried into getting married, is there anything else that's left to expect besides a tragic ending? Dong-jin tried escaping his mother's influence, more or less, but same thing can't be said for Min-yeong. My guess is both were in great pain which they couldn't get rid off due to coming from such different worlds while neither of the two knew how to patch the void in between. Inexperience.

Dong-jin's biggest mistake was hiding his true face from his partner while insisting on keeping the relationship going. He hid his background, his childhood, his wounds, his identity. Is having a meaningful relationship even possible without taking the mask off at some point? Yet that's something he could never do but still, from his perspective it must have seemed as if he's doing fine as a partner. That's not how it works, relationship is almost like a living being, and putting up a wall is always noticeable, even when the other side turns a blind eye.

Certainly, him not letting her in on his painful past has a great affect on all that lead to their break up. While Min-yeong was looking for support in the one she loved the most, she was not getting any reassurance back and she probably blamed herself for him not opening up to her. That's something women usually do. And what do people do once they can't see a way out of a difficult situation? They become (self-)destructive. She could bend over backwards but she was just not the one he would move his emotional blocks for. From what we can see in the series, he didn't really want to discuss their future together and he kept pushing her away, presenting it as if she might be the one to push him away, some day, when she learns the truth about him (if she ever does).

From that perspective, their whole situation smells like trouble. Big, big trouble. She said herself her goal was getting married and having a family. I can't blame her for wanting those things. Is wanting something she subconsciously knows Dong-jin would never offer so wrong? Is loving a person deeply to the point of being irrational and practically dumb so wrong? Ah, but desperate measures are always wrong. Why don't we all collectively just bury this woman alive, why would we understand anything that she went through? It's not like something like that could ever happen in real life to any of us, right?

Honestly, the show presents Dong-jin as if he were an angel and not a man with severe mother/father issues. He's portrayed as a kind hearted protagonist with a high moral sense, who drowns his sorrow in alcohol while lying on the floor for days after Min-yeong's mom sent him the wedding invitation. I can't deal with kdrama mom thing at all now, they're a different kind of evil, I swear.

The audacity of "I won't let you in and I won't marry you, but I won't let you marry anyone else either" is something known for ages. That's probably why her mom sent the invitation in the first place. And all of that together makes me think he didn't treat her like a decent human being. Not because he chose that, but because he doesn't have the capacity for it. Not having the capacity, being somewhat aware of it and insisting on the relationship, because the other person displays so much affection and love, is as equally bad as cheating. That is actually also cheating. A person doesn't have to get involved with anyone else to be a cheater. It's enough to hide their wounds and not be honest about it. That alone makes me think the reason why he pretended not to notice she was out dating someone else hides behind his feeling of utter guilt. Guilt for not being capable of providing her what she needs, to compensate for building up walls and wasting her time all along.

Dating emotionally unavailable person, heck, living with one, is soul draining. It hurts like hell looking at a person and feeling as if you're staring at a blank wall. The pain of having to go through that daily is worse than your partner actually cheating on you once or falling for someone else and breaking up. At least that's how I see it; the pain it puts you through is not even comparable. The reason behind it might be in the fact that for cheating one doesn't need intelligence at all. To lure someone in your life, make them stay and to calculate how much of which part of yourself you'll give in each and every moment, well... In my eyes that's way worse form of betrayal. It takes a lot of brain. That's manipulation at it's finest. There's something very dark and vile about it; it can play with other person's mental health in the most brutal ways, where outcomes may be even fatal. And we have it right there on the screen. Min-yeong became an alcoholic. She let a man with mommy issues and extremely low self-esteem drag her down to the bottom, while he then carried on with his life as the main victim in everyone else's eyes. That's something men who hate their mothers do very often.

Her side was never shown (at least not yet), how much she must have waited for him to change, to open up at least a tiny bit, how much energy and effort she poured into their relationship. How many times she tried to get thru his walls. Sure, she made a huge mistake by contacting his mother first, but I can't blame her. Imagine how desperate she was in that moment; she went behind his back to check his phone and steal his mom's number. Even thinking of doing that is hitting rock bottom yet she went on and did it without being aware of what desperation looks like on her. As any relationship, theirs must have had a great start. Keeping his character in mind, he was most probably an amazing boyfriend at first. Once the honey moon phase ended, first problems emerged. He probably pushed it all under the rug. Min-yeong's mistake was falling a bit too hard and not breaking up with him sooner, probably thinking she could change him. Could be she wanted to prove her parents wrong as well, but for whatever reason, it hurts to watch her scenes and think about her psychological profile.

It's never one sided, that feeling when relationship reaches the breaking point. People don't want to be the bad one, breaking up first. It is a bit pathetic, not ending a relationship and enjoying the victim role saying "I've been dumped" any chance possible. Meanwhile, those same people treat their partner so poorly it's evidently there is no love left there. I'm not trying to use this drama, nor Min-yeong's character to justify cheating. Of course cheating is wrong. What I'm trying to point out is the following. Dong-jin's move - not ending the relationship and choosing to live off of his partner's energy until she turned into a wreck - is also just as wrong, if not worse than what his partner did. She obviously loved him more. What a textbook example; men with severe self-esteem (and what-not) issues pursue gorgeous smart amazing independent girls, only to ruin their psyche, changing them into something, someone unrecognisable operating on survival mode. Sounds a lot like a parasite causing a disease.

Min-yeong's left miserable in the end. She turned into an alcoholic who, even after all the hell she's been through, still thinks she might have a shot with this guy who never even truly accepted her. Oh the brain fog. Oh the twisted perception. All the excuses she must have made for him until she fell into a hole they both dig up. While he just used her for tending to his wounded inner child. She must have been so confused and so lost, how messed up her head must have been when she couldn't even get rid of him. How do you get rid of a parasite? Without an intervention, you don't.

I'm good at writing apology letters for others, so why not writing one for her? So let's wrap this one up. In all honesty, Dong-jin probably took best years of her life while she waited for him to open up. What, they're probably in their late twenties, early thirties now? Imagine yourself living in a conservative society, where certain norms are expected, are even obligatory. I get that his mom made him miserable but she is still his mother. There is no other woman out there who could fill that role. Being in a relationship for god knows how long without introducing your "future wife" to your only parent, who is clearly still around, for whatever ugly reason he should have been open about, is wrong on so many levels. Min-yeong obviously loved him deeply. All she wanted was to marry a guy she loved and start a family, and not wait for him for 10 years to finally make up his mind. He knew they were not compatible, despite all the love. She was blinded, he didn't want to hurt her so he didn't let her go even though he should have. She tried to move on, but couldn't, because she wanted him. She wanted the person she could never have. She was hooked badly.

No satisfied woman would ever cheat, especially if she wants to commit to a man till the end of her life. At this point her actions look like a desperate cry for help, but her example is just another one in a sea full of such cases, no one will care once you're incapable of getting up on your feet; however, everyone will point a finger and be the first to judge and even cheer on as they watch you drown.

[sinceileftyoublog]

This Is The Kit & Gruff Rhys Live Show Review: 10/19, Lincoln Hall, Chicago

This Is The Kit's Kate Stables

BY JORDAN MAINZER

On This Is The Kit's latest album Careful Of Your Keepers (Rough Trade), Kate Stables asks many questions without expecting answers to all of them. "When are we gonna get there, when are they?" "If we're holding hands, will we walk at the same speed?" "Boy, I'm talking to you, are you listening?" Okay, maybe that last one is easy (he's definitely not listening), but for the most part, Stables' philosophical quandaries and mantra-like repetitions are metaphors for the uneasy and paradoxical nature of relationships and time. "This is a how shit is this measuring stick," she sings, tongue twisted, on album opener "Goodbye Bite", having difficulty pinpointing exact beginning and ending points of certain eras in her life. If vagaries are the name of the game for This Is The Kit, the band's live performance last Thursday at Lincoln Hall brought to life, via instrumentation, Stables' gently agitated state.

This Is The Kit's Stables and Rozi Plain

Take "Goodbye Bite", and its concoction of sinewy guitars, bass, synth, and woodwinds: When you're listening to it, it feels like it's encircling your brain, threatening to wedge its way in. Stables, bassist Rozi Plain, guitarist Neil Smith, and drummer Lucien Chatin made sure it finally did when presented live, with a looser structure. Holding it all together, though, was Stables' voice, smoky in contrast to the wiry guitars of "Slider", seeming like it wanted to leap off the page on "Stuck in a Room", a song about wanting to leave where you are but having to stay. Stables' deft delivery sported the stamina of an MC, but over the band's taut music, it sounded like it was bursting at the seams. The elastic-rigid dynamic made its way to even old songs, like on the interplay between Stables' spritely banjo and Chatin's controlled toms on "Bullet Proof".

This Is The Kit

I should emphasize one more time: Just because Stables--and really, almost all people--has trouble quantifying abstractions like time, doesn't mean the band can't show off their tightness. On the Nick Drake lilt of "This Is When The Sky Gets Big", Stables and Plain staggered their harmonies to stunning effect. "Inside Outside" captivated with a jazzy groove. Really, the main image on "Scabby Head and Legs", that of a pigeon who holds eggs too tight and breaks them, seems like a warning signal for the band itself, who instead follow Stables' repeated advice of "cutting once, measuring twice." Yet, they break the rules when they want to, as long as they know that they're breaking the rules. Or, as Stables sings on "Dibs", "Let's pretend to not know that we're out of time."

Gruff Rhys

Though This Is The Kit's growth is certainly organic, enlisting Gruff Rhys of Super Furry Animals as producer on Careful Of Your Keepers is as natural a match as I can remember in recent memory, his experimental whimsy bringing out just enough circular strangeness to the band's sound. Lucky for us, Rhys gave an opening set on Thursday, which meant that he did come out to do backing vocals on a couple TITK songs like on the record. It also meant we got to hear some unreleased songs from his upcoming album Sadness Sets Me Free, the title track, "Bad Friend", and the already released "Celestial Candyfloss" among them. That Rhys played mostly an acoustic set meant he didn't give away what the new songs sound like on record. For one, he admitted to not knowing them very well. The finger-picked guitars on "Celestial Candyfloss" are totally overshadowed by the orchestral chamber pop of the studio version. Sure, some back catalog highlights, like "Lonesome Words" and the metronome-laden "If We Were Words (We Would Rhyme)", were not far cries from their respective studio versions. But Rhys was able to play with volume and his ever-changing distance from the microphone to create a sonic spaciousness on "Pang!" and the melancholy hum of "Shark Ridden Waters". Best, these versions may eventually see the light of day, as Rhys claimed he was recording for a live album, as he held up title cards to a surprisingly sparse crowd that said things like, "Generic audience reaction" so we knew when to cheer. He didn't have to, though. Those of us who were there knew it wouldn't be every day we'd be able to witness two forcefully creative entities on the same night: Our cheers were constant.

[regarding-stories]

"Sword Art Online Progressive: Aria of a Starless Night" (Movie)

So, I just finished watching "Sword Art Online Progressive: Aria of a Starless Night" - the movie. With mixed feelings. Don't get me wrong - it's a nice enough movie. It's just goes to great lengths to edit one character in that didn't exist in the book, one (almost completely) out that definitely was there before and plays a role going forward. And that creates problems.

I can see why they did so. (Spoilers ahead.) Asuna becomes the protagonist, so we see events from her point of view. (Or at least, wee see things with her present all the time...) And the original "Aria of the Starless Night" was only half a book, after all. It certainly was sufficient to fill an episode of the original anime, but for a movie - a movie from Asuna's point of view - too few events happen outwardly.

One thing I appreciate about this adaptation is that we see a glimpse of Asuna's life before the game - very much in tune with what we know from Mother's Rosario. It becomes clear that Asuna is a hard worker. These scenes make me sad. They make me think how many Japanese childhoods are spent in cram schools and such, suffocating the ability to develop as a person in a multitude of ways. Childhood needs to prepare for life, yes, but it also needs room to be a person, to be yourself. How much is too much or too little is certainly debatable, but we see with Asuna that she works hard while finding no praise for it from her mother - whose approval she desires most. I can't help but feel sorry for her. Of course that's the intent of the scene, and it is well executed.

Where things go a bit wrong is the introduction of Misumi, Asuna's friend. Where Asuna is popular, Misumi doesn't care. Both excel at sports, but only Asuna cheers with her team. We soon find out that Misumi outscores Asuna yet finds time to be an obsessive gamer girl on the same level as our good slacker friend Kirito. (Remember, Kirito would typically try to do enough so that school wouldn't suffer, but he is no overachiever by any mark. Asuna would confirm that for herself when she asks him if trying to be part of the front of game progress is like being at the top of class or school. Kirito's stammering tells her - and us - all she needs to know.)

Misumi's introduction seemed over the top. It's just a hunch, but if I had to guess intelligence alone would not get you through Japan's school system with top grades, probably quite a lot of work and rote-learning are involved, especially since such a high value is put on scoring high and unlocking entry to a prestigious school, and competition is also tough. Something which we are reminded of by Asuna's classmates.

We probably learn another reason why Asuna is popular - here she is helpful to others, helping them score better grades as well. One has to wonder if we have left the Asuna of the book already behind. Book Asuna was afraid of the ridicule of her classmates because she had failed the path she had been on by being trapped in the game. (The path her mother designed for her. The obedient girl path.) A fear that doesn't feature much in the movie - it's barely mentioned.

(On a side note, we see Misumi never helping anyone, never cheering with anyone, and avoiding people. Quite the foreshadowing.)

Welcome to the tutorial

Mito (her gamer tag) then convinces Asuna to join her in the game, which Asuna does on a whim when she has the chance. (Originally Asuna couldn't quite explain why she joined the game, leaving it to us as readers to guess that she probably wanted more out of life than study and work and pleasing her mother.) This makes Mito co-responsible for something that was originally only Asuna's impulse decision alone.

The two meet in the game and we get a quick tutorial about the nature of online games - including what an avatar is and how people might play the other gender. This is played for a bit of fun but frankly isn't needed since most of that is immediately thrown out of the window with the classical opening. Still, I bet Asuna had a good day with a friend. When she wants to log out we are greeted by Kayaba's announcement - again. (Watching the crowds is an interesting exercise on this one. Meet some faces we already know.)

Mito then tries to pull a Kirito and drag Asuna along into the second town. Here we start seeing differences between the Kirito we know from elsewhere and Mito. In the novel and anime, Kirito suggested this to Klein but Klein stayed behind of his own volition. Kirito had given Klein a proper tutorial and then left town alone after offering him this opportunity. No matter how Kirito felt about it later - he gave Klein the info to make an informed decision, even if on the spot. Mito, on the other hand, drags Asuna along and almost gets her killed. (This vindicates Kirito a bit. Too bad he doesn't know.) Asuna had yet to get a proper intro into the actual fighting part of the game, nor did she know what was going on, lacking experience in an RPG in general. Mito's motivation is similar to Kirito's, but she seems to misunderstand that she can't just bypass the tutorial. She, however, and to her credit, understands, and does better. She then really settles Asuna into the game, shown as a sort of montage.

We then learn the realities of Aincrad. This is a bit of a remix. Remember how Kirito lost the Moonlit Black Cats? We see a party die in similar circumstances, with Mito doing nothing to change it. She doesn't feel great about it, but she lets them die. Her view is well suited to the realities of the game. But it leaves an aftertaste - for us, her, and Asuna.

This is the one regard that the movie goes deeper than previous media in explaining the supposed economics of the game. (I never found them convincing to begin with, but at least somebody converted them into a proper scene finally so we can see them in action.) Asuna and Mito find empty chest after empty chest in their dungeon crawls, so when Asuna sees a chest, she wants to open it. Mito insists that it's a trap - because else it would have been looted, too. It would require a decent locksmith skill to open without setting the trap off. This is of course exactly the situation a beta tester would know but a newbie would fall prey to, as originally demonstrated with Kirito's first guild in the original SAO Vol. 1 - Aincrad. This also properly motivates part of the hatred for beta testers we see later, something which both book and anime series never really get around to explain very well.

We then see another party fall prey to it, but this only reinforces what we saw in the anime. These traps are practically unbeatable death traps. (In the original, it was an anti-crystal zone, too, meaning it was intended to pose a high-level risk of a total party kill even for the mid-to-higher levels.) The tone this sets for Aincrad is certainly very dark. It is utterly unclear how you would know and avoid such a trap (beta test knowledge aside), and it would put a heavy burden on a party member to perfect their locksmith skill, something which in turn should make it a huge problem for Kirito and Asuna eventually, but apparently for them it is never a problem. Yay for consistency.

We can assume that this looting of the chests gives a few people an advantage over others, and we know a few things about Mito by now. In the opening scene of the movie she was beaten by Kirito in terms of being the players farthest in the game. So she wants to be at the front. We also learn through her time with Asuna that she prioritizes game progress. In spite of seeing her and Asuna having fun, there is a scene where Mito chastises Asuna for paying for something else than potions at the store - for cosmetic items. However, as Asuna points out, she went on a bit of a shopping spree because she wanted to get her mind off the deaths she observed that day. Plus she bought also what she was asked to. We see Asuna balance game with self-care, characterizing Mito further (if subtly) by needing Asuna to remind her.

Let's reuse some more stuff

We now come to climactic scene of the time Mito and Asuna spend together, and again it is lifted out of a Kirito story, The Day of Beginnings from SAO Vol. 8 - Early and Late. In the original story, Kirito and first party mate Coper go hunting the Nepenthes to score the special quest item that the most risky of the Nepenthes drops - the one that brings all Nepenthes from the area down on you if you kill it the wrong way. (Hey, SAO sure sounds like a fun game, y'all.) In that story Coper tries to bring the monsters down on Kirito, fully aware they might kill him. In the end, he gets done in by his own jerk-ass move, while Kirito escapes the situation barely.

It makes sense to lift such a detail to keep the consistency of the floor when making up content for it. The scene unfolds differently in a few ways. In the beginning, Mito makes Asuna rightfully aware of the danger involved. However, tempted by the chance to score some powerful gear, she asks Asuna to hold her own (which she agrees to) and runs off.

It's hard to tell with this movie, but you could say what Mito does makes sense for her character. We can assume that her drive to be the best in the game makes her feel bad when she comes to all those chests looted by others, but it would be better if she actually showed it more. If you are thwarted time and time again, it would explain the enormous lure of a rare drop, right? (By the way - why would any power gamer chose a scythe as a weapon? Maybe it's a good weapon for being hard to gauge as an opponent in a duel, but it probably is a weapon that doesn't drop a lot as random loot, unless loot is randomized for the party build.)

This sets up the tearing apart of the two everybody has been waiting for. This is not the first rodeo for practically anyone watching this movie, so we know what happens next.

Again, the makers of this movie insist on being over-the-top dramatic by not only making it seem like there are between 50-100 Nepenthes around, something which seems quite out of line with how the books are written. They also seem to suddenly be everywhere, not only swarming Asuna, but also preventing Mito from closing in after having been forcefully ejected from the location. At least the incidents driving them apart were all telegraphed properly before happening. Again, painting SAO in a horrible light. Mito steps near the edge, then an unstable effect triggers, and she falls off. Falling damage is (in the books) probably the scariest thing that can happen, so to trigger it this nilly-willy in a zone crawling with monsters is yet another dick move. This scene has them by the barrel-full, calling into question the level design of Aincrad to begin with.

Let's just recall that this area was optional in the original novel where it featured, bound to a quest for a special, powerful item. Here our heroines have to pass through it to progress. Placing the scene as is shades our perception of Aincrad.

But now things unfold further along those lines. Mito is separated from Asuna and sees her HP drop to within the death threshold. She sees no way to save her, and she doesn't want to see her die, so she leaves the party and runs. (Members of a party see each other's HP gauge, after all.)

This is actually a strong moment. Mito does care about Asuna. She just has at times poor judgement - just like when she first left town and almost got Asuna killed.

An entrance veering between stupid and amazing

Asuna then beats the last of the Nepenthes, something that seemed impossible to begin with, only to be attacked by a monster so overpowered, it must be a field boss? There's always a bigger fish, eh?

This makes no sense, really. Monsters don't mix nilly-willy in Aincrad, so why is this one here? For drama, of course. So now our capable woman is suddenly outclassed and Kirito appears, pulling some moves that we never see him do - like jumping on the monster itself. He then beats that thing. So far, so bad, really. It's such a setup, altogether, and unpleasing.

It is followed, however, by something awesome: Kirito is being awkward Kirito for the rest of the scene, unable to behave like a normal human being in the presence of beautiful Asuna. I treasure this scene for adding to his characterization.

Of course it's also a stupid scene. Asuna sits there, gawping. Yes, there is humor in that scene. But Asuna dropped into the red. If she has any sense of self-preservation, she would accept some potions and map data from him, if not an outright escort to town. She just has been left alone. Most people would feel vulnerable and have one of two reactions - to have problems trusting anyone and freak out, or to seek help because their trust in their own resourcefulness is shaken. The scene passed and misses making any sense.

Of course it's not allowed to make sense. Plot must happen still!

So, this is Asuna?

Next Asuna, the ever-changing heroine, has another change added to her list of arc-breaking changes. First the Sword Art Online Progressive light novels pull her forward in her timeline, completely overwriting her original character arc (without calling it a reboot, but I like it, so it's all good). Her initial exposure to the game, the evolution of her inner attitude, is also thrown out of the window. She makes no sense.

Now we have an Asuna that has twice been near death, that has - for all she knows - been left to die by a friend. But she has to come to the starting point of the novel. So without truly motivating it, the movie drags her there. She develops her death wish (not on screen, except for hearing some news how many already have died), then heads out into the labyrinth/floor dungeon with just cheap gear. Because the novel said so.

But this Asuna should know the value of gear and prep. Is this meant to say that she willingly disadvantages herself in a suicide attempt?

The original Asuna of the novel set out alone with barely a clue how to play the game so she could be herself. She has not shown us much of this attitude, but now she claims this as her motivation. (At least "being herself" is motivated by the opening of the movie. The Asuna of the real world had way too little chance to do that, so maybe she seeks to chose at least her own death.)

Kirito saves her again. This moment is weakened by having done the same just a few scenes before. How much saving does Asuna need?

The story has now returned to the rails of the original story that it stays on, ignoring anything in terms of character arc we might have seen in the first part of the movie. It's basically two stories fused together by the same people appearing on screen, but in Asuna's case she's not the same person from the first half.

The original (half) novel "Aria of the Starless Night" is short. But we get a good sense of that girl, her death wish, but also her finding joy again. This is not this Asuna. This Asuna was betrayed, almost died, was saved by someone, then went on her berserk solo path, then gets saved again (is it getting old?), then changes back. But in the movie we get no sense of the meaning all this has to her.

Instead we get an Asuna shower scene. I understand a regular Japanese bath would be different, but the novel clearly places her in the tub and tub only. I'm not very keen on Asuna fanservice that goes out of its way to create a shower scene, more than making it clear what that bath means to her. We're left a bit with the impression that a boy who gives her cream to eat and a bathtub is the one she will follow to the end of the world. This is the impression you want to avoid! They fumbled here. Asuna's arc is touched on but not conveyed to the viewer. (Of course, that would require seeing more of her than just the events of Aria of the Starless Night...)

The bath may have a whiff of fan service to it in the book, it also sets up a funny scene that introduces another character (which they removed), but its main point is to serve as the turning point of Asuna's character arc. She goes from tense and death-bound to relaxed and life-bound. The bath is a symbol of starting to appreciate what's good in life and being reminded of that, a symbol that is completely undermined by the first half of the movie where Asuna and Mito had fun beating the game together. This Asuna doesn't needed to be reminded that there are sensual joys to be found. She needs to be reminded that people can be trusted. A brutal character arc fumble.

Speaking of fumbles

Moving forward to the boss fight, the way the Diavel death scene is portrayed makes no sense. Diavel, in both novel and movie, is killed by the kobold lord boss. But in the novel, Kirito dispatches his own opponent and locks eyes with Diavel before he dies. Nowhere is it written that he is near his body to do anything. But both in anime series and movie, Diavel prevents Kirito from administering a potion - which makes no sense. If you stop the HP loss, you live. You don't die of internal injuries regardless. The Diavel of both anime adaptations essentially commits a suicide motivated by drama. The movie repeats this cheap move.

In general the choreography of the boss fight tries to make room for Mito to also play a role, and that means Kirito has to go down for a moment, then Asuna. Why? Because Mito. No better reason. Kirito is the guy who beat that field boss type monster that was about to kill Asuna by himself, without breaking a sweat or taking a hit. But hey. Wildly differing portrayals in the same work of art make sense, right?

The same is true for Kirito's "beater" scene. It makes a lot of sense for the readers of the novels how he draws the ire of the crowd to protect the other beta tasters, trying to become the target of their hate. We see how Mito at the same time shrinks back. (Her characterization is subtle but consistent.) We're seeing two different kinds of reactions to the same situation. Mito repeatedly doesn't speak out or help, she's afraid of the risk. Kirito seems to be more courageous than her on average, willing to protect others at great risk.

But if you have not read the novels, this scene is hard to understand. Even the viewers of the original anime series got a better insight into Kirito's motivations. In other words, their refusal to explain and show Kirito's inner thoughts, even through "mind dialogue" (never employed in this movie), makes the scene almost nonsensical on its own. We get a hint in hindsight from Asuna's flashback - but it's very little to go on.

The final fumble is are a few lines of dialogue from Asuna. I can only quote the English subs: "I'm going after him. I've found it. How I'm going to live in this world... It's where he goes. So I'm going to move forward." This wasn't said in the novel. She told Kirito in both movie and novel that she would keep her motivation a secret. Not much of a secret for the viewer, huh? The Asuna of the novel is the one deciding to team up with Kirito (in Rondo of a Fragile Blade), but she never breaks the ambivalence surrounding it. So this is a very uncharacteristic statement, possibly meant to tie her in with the Asuna from much later in Aincrad continuity.

Also, Argo was almost written out. The Rat is stealthy, but if there's no space for such a great character, why is there space for Mito?

Asuna Uncaped

Ah yes, and Asuna doesn't put her cape back on in the end. Her capes and hoods express something about her, a hiding away from the world, a shell that she withdraws into. It's a symbolic expression of her relationship to the world in general. Asuna takes a series of novels to come out of her shell enough to not hide under the cape, or at least underneath the hood. Here that transformation happens on short notice. Cape on is after Mito leaves - cape off is when she partners up with Kirito for good. (Also not in line with novels written a good deal before the movie.) It used to be an omnipresent reminder that tells us the difference between the Progressive Asuna and "Asuna the Flash", the person everyone in Aincrad knows, the person in the spotlight, the girl in the outfit that draws in stares. (The outfit designed by her guildmates to draw attention to their guild.) The cape lets us know that she's not there, yet, not practically a super-heroine. She veils herself. It could even be construed that she hides at times from a wider world at the side of Kirito. It marks the Asuna of the Progressive novels as a different person than the Asuna from the main series.

The Progressive novels do Asuna justice, but very little of that Asuna gets expressed here. There's a good reason why Kawahara started at Asuna's low point. Because then he gets time to actually lure her out. In true Kawahara fashion, very little happens that we can show on the screen. But the characters would be front and center in the novel.

We have very little to go on to know what motivates Asuna in the movie - in a movie where she is the protagonist! It was good to see her more, but since we had often to see her with Mito for that, we get two disjointed Asuna's not coming together, two scenes of Kirito saving Asuna, two character arcs potentially written by different people. Couldn't they just have written it so Asuna escapes the Nepenthes alone? It's hard to feel alone and betrayed when a kind stranger steps in, saves your life, and offers all kind of help after - none of which is even remotely what you can expect in Aincrad. It helps characterize Kirito but messes with Asuna's arc. We don't get a sense of the Asuna that reverses track - or rather we see an Asuna that immediately reverses track all the way in one go.

Similarly, the throw-away line "He's so powerful." during the boss fight. So, is that what motivates Asuna to follow Kirito? Does she find that... attractive? The original Asuna was one of the most powerful gamers in all Aincrad, which might have made Kirito stand out as somebody who can best her. She at least gushes about that in SAO Vol. 2 - Aincrad. Maybe that makes sense. In that original scene she was just lovestruck girl, gushing to a friend, trying to summarize her feelings in a few sentences, describing somebody her friend never met. But are we meant to think that this has meaning for Asuna here, in this movie? What does it say about a person that she is not impressed with a person who saves her life, who is noble and takes on risks to protect others, but to remark in an admiring tone that he's powerful? That line did quite a bit of harm in its own right.

I can't truly fault the makers of this movie (I have no idea how much exactly Kawahara was involved) for introducing yet another character for it. This is what Kawahara after all does. He rarely portrays one character alone for long. He loves (and excels at) portraying interactions between multiple characters. There are flaws in execution - Misumi being over-the-top good in the real world, all of the above for Aincrad - but at the core the movie works. It's a bit disappointing if you love the books, but you can watch it.

It just breaks Asuna a bit more to achieve this goal.

[tabbi-mysteries]

Detective Conan Rewatch 471-486

Oops I forgot to write my thoughts down for a few days again

The uncontrollable rental car was actually top tier tho. I'm used to the single ep anime originals being fairly straightforward but this was unique and the characterization was great. We see Kogoro's best side and action hero dad Tagaki and a really smart trick pulled by Conan to save them all. I really liked this one.

Shinichi Kudo's childhood adventures is super cute! It's really nice to see babby Ran and of course Shiinichi. I almost wish we had more of their past and how they fell in love and the development part of all that but I get why we don't and the snippets we do get are cute. We get to see dad KID too which is fun (and babby Kaito too!) However as my friend pointed out this ep does feel like it confuses the nebulous timeline somewhat? Yukiko's been retired from acting for some time now so her still actively studying from Toichi is odd? Maybe? Maybe it's just her hobby now I dunno.

The love of lawyer Eri Kisaki is funny. It's super simple, especially for anyone who owns a cat but it manages to be great regardless. Ran really nearly assaulted a man 😅 well I'm sure Eri could have gotten her off the charges but still

Bad luck grand Prix is well it's an average episode, i certainly didn't think it was bad but it felt like a regular old episode with nothing super standout. I do like the occasional cases that are Kogoro and Conan hanging out all family like though it's sweet.

Genta's certain kill shot was fun! Mostly because my friend saw the title in advance and we've been choking about Genta's upcoming murder plan for a while XD the actual case is still pretty neat tho, although as usual the English is a little rough. I wouldn't say its common but you probably want imp or pixie to describe a mischievous kid not elf. I also kinda agree with Kogoro that it was mean to point at Genta and call him a murderer poor kid.

Real 30 minutes is an odd case. The time... didn't feel super relevant? The character designs were neat though and Conan and Haibara teaming up is always good.

Three days with Heiji Hattori! My boy was back for some more cases and they're fun ones. The first is neat because it feels like they reiterated Conan's trauma regarding cornering a culprit, almost feel like they could have focused on the impact of that ending and what that means to Conan and Heiji more but eh, it was neat to have it still. As for the detective Koushin I really enjoyed it! I've been looking forward to it a lot since reading that manga chapter and having a gathering of detectives is fun, the culprit is great too, I can see why she's so well liked. It's also great to have Hakuba here too although I gotta admit that yeah he seems pretty Sus of Conan, or perhaps just nice about it who knows. I liked the whole sequence at the beginning regarding the backstory too. And finally Heiji did really great! I like how they show how he differs from most other detectives we see who stand back and observe with methodical coldness by being emotionally invested, always having hope for possible best outcomes and willing to come across as wrong and act to gather the evidence he needs. I love him and this episode did a great job of showing why <3

Yellow Alibi is a sad case with a dumbass for a culprit. Who on earth murders someone on a beach and then tries to hide the fact the murder happened on a beach? Has this man never been to a beach before? You never get all the sand off my god.

Mountain Witch's cutlery is a simple little case but well presented, the weapon was neat and the kids were cute.

The vanished policeman was also a cute little simple case. Not much to say about it other than that tho.

Whereabouts of the dark photograph is fun because the crime differs which is neat every so often. Also those two guys will probably never commit a crime in their lives after that experience XD

Beckoning cat from left to right is simple but hey it has cats and Conan and Haibara teaming up which is nice.

[navree]

What do you think about Maegor and Visenya?

As separate characters, I don't necessarily have a lot of thoughts on Maegor. I'm generally not the biggest fan of assholes, and there's not a lot that we know about Maegor other than that he was an asshole, so I don't have much to say about him as a character. But Visenya on the other hand..........Listen there's a reason why I wanted HOTD to start with the Conquest, and Visenya was a part of that (beyond my desire to see a lesbian with a sword riding a dragon fucking shit up).

There's a lot about Visenya that fascinates me. She's the eldest sister out of all her siblings, and I like to think she felt very overprotective over both of them. Doing something like the Conquest just wasn't anything Targaryens had done before, and now her baby brother and baby sister are flying off to war and they could get hurt, they could be kileld (and one of them was aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh). And while I definitely think they all loved each other and were close as siblings, did she ever feel like the odd one out? Visenya was married out of duty, before Aegon then went outside the box to make sure he can marry the sister he actually loved too, Visenya had the smallest and least imposing dragon between the three of them, Aegon and Rhaenys are the ones who had a family when they had Aenys, and there's a wealth of drama in whether or not Visenya sometimes felt like a third wheel despite being the Older Sister. I also imagine that she too had a tendency to chafe at gender roles, since between her and Rhaenys she was the one who wanted most to be a warrior-woman, and I think she definitely enjoyed governance, but her's was more interested in how to make the realm run, while Rhaenys was focused on diplomacy and improving relations. And honestly don't get me started on her relationship with Rhaenys, the way she was just as willing to set Dorne on fire for her, the way that she was more eager to continue it when Nymor sued for peace, how it felt when Aenys presented Rhaena to court which made even Aegon weep, Hell how it felt to actively work to displace and threaten Rhaenys's grandchildren, the girl named after her beloved sister. I like to think Visenya didn't regret anything she did, but she might have had some moments of sadness about it, especially towards the end of her life when Maegor started getting more Maegor™ and she had more time to think about life when it was just her and her siblings on Dragonstone. But she was still welcome at Aenys's court, and still counseled him on decisions, because even with everything, even with her own son in exile, this was Aegon's son, this was Rhaenys's son. Because over everything, I think Visenya adored her siblings, missed them when they were gone from this world, and if she was asked who she loved the most, it would be Aegon and Rhaenys.

Visenya and Maegor's relationship I think is interesting. Neither of them seem to have been very affectionate or caring people, certainly to each other, Maegor because he's Maegor™ and Visenya because I think any softness she had in her likely dried up around the time Rhaenys died, given my personal headcanon that it was also when her relationship with Aegon fell apart due to the grief and Aegon's decisions around ending the war (if I'm right, then the hurt Visenya must have felt about being denied a chance to say goodbye to Rhaenys, to be made to capitulate and have peace without even having been given the full information cuz Aegon made a unilateral decision, God I wanna die). But it's clear that Visenya cared about her son, that she felt angered when he was disrespected and actively worked for his advancement, and also she was the one primarily responsible for raising him, since she was with him on Dragonstone while Aenys was in King's Landing with their father. I don't think Visenya had a Cersei towards Joffrey attitude about Maegor, she knew exactly what he was and the potential for monstrosity he had, but she saw it as a positive and a way for him to advance in life, given the fact that this was still a bit of a turbulent, with the Wars of Conquest and the First Dornish War not far behind. I certainly think Maegor felt close to his mother, and that if he ever loved anyone, if he was even capable, it was her, the only parent he really knew, the only member of his family he was close to, given the physical distance between his father and him, the age difference between him and Aenys, and just the emotional distance he had with everyone due to his issues. I think the relationship was both bound tightly by the fact that neither of them had other people they were intimate with save each other, but also sundered at the same time by their own coldness and lack of capability towards forging open relationships with others. And I think that, similar to that Henry VIII thing where it was clear that his ideal model for a wife was just Elizabeth of York, what Maegor was searching for in all his wives, above just being a fucking creep, was someone like Visenya, and it's probably why he held on to Tyana as long as he did.

I think it's an interesting relationship between interesting characters, and I think it's a shame that HOTD started so late in the game when we could have seen all of this unfold in real time if we'd started with the Conquest Era.