#he did that i did not get hurt on porpoise

[rioabaixo]

My bf has done smt that hurt me yesterday but he is not seeing it and thinks I'm being childish for being mad. I can't take it with him sometimes. To him everything is always perfect and he never wants to fight

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Not A Verstappen: A New World {5}

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!driver!reader x Lando Norris Summary: Pressure seems to be coming from all directions and it's only a matter of time before you explode. Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, mention of drugs, angst WC: 2k F1 Masterlist NAV: Sibling Rivalry One || Two || Three NAV: Gridlocked One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine NAV: A New World One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six

Silverstone Grand Prix Lando hadn’t stopped moving all night. If he wasn’t dancing, he was circling the club and talking to everyone that had come out to celebrate his second place finish at his home race, or DJing. His excitement had been infectious enough to replace the disappointment from the seventh place finish for you and the ninth place for Charles. 

“Mamour, dance with me,” Charles begged as he appeared behind you, a drink in one hand and the other on the small of your back. His palm rubbed soothing circles and you leant back into the touch with a groan. “Does your back still hurt?”

The porpoising of the car had been horrific and even Kristian’s hands hadn’t been able to ease the ache after the race, but you didn’t want Charles to worry as you turned to face him. “Yeah, it’s sore from carrying my team.”

His laugh warmed your ear before his cold lips kissed the space beneath. “That’s my girl.”

“Yes I am, now where is our boy?” You scanned the crowd looking for Lando but instead found his parents dancing together and sharing whispers. “I was always jealous of you guys.”

“For what?”

“That. Having parents that loved each other. I thought I was missing out on something,” you said with a nod to Adam and Cisca before clearing your throat at the unexpected wistfulness that arose. “I’m just going to get some fresh air. Why don’t you find Lando and I’ll meet you there?”

You didn’t wait for an answer as you escaped the busy room to the balcony on the upper level. Clouds of flavoured smoke greeted you from the people who had gone to vape where they were allowed and you squeezed through until you found a small pocket of space in the back corner. 

“You look like you could use this more than me.”

You looked at the joint the stranger offered, more than likely some friend of a friend of Lando’s, and you raised your hand to wave away the smoke that drifted your way. “No, thank you.”

“Go on, it’ll help you relax.”

“I don’t need to relax, alright, so just fuck off would you?”

“Woah, lovie, calm down,” he laughed before taking a long drag and blowing the bitter sweet smoke in your face.

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” you bit out, barely feeling the burn of the spliff in your palm as you snatched it from him. “And I’m not your fucking ‘lovie’-”

“Baby. Babe! What’s going on?” Lando slid between you, forcing the stranger back as he took your hand and swore. “What the hell did you do, Jakob?”

“Nothing, bro, you’re girl looked like she was stressing,” Jakob said with an innocent shrug. “I was just trying to help.”

“H-help?!” you stammered as your hands turned to fists with the growing anger burning hotter than your hand. “I would lose my seat you fucking imbecile. Your idiot friend was trying to get me to smoke weed.”

“Why are you getting angry at me?” Lando asked as he stepped back. “I was coming to see if you were alright. Just calm down for a second, love.”

You had seen Romain Grosjean’s car explode when he crashed in Bahrain, heard the audible pop that rippled through the air before the wall of flames erupted. You imagined that something similar was happening inside you. “Don’t tell me to calm down,” you hissed quietly as you felt the stares of everyone on the balcony. “This is fucking calm.”

Lando’s eyes were wide as he reeled back, his jaw dropping at the tone you took. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I guess I am my father’s daughter.” You felt your lips tugging though there was nothing to smile about and it was as if you were a passenger in your own body. You couldn’t control the words as they tumbled out of your mouth with a harsh laugh. 

You looked at the joint in your hand, an angry blister appearing where it had burnt you, and saw the tip was still aglow. Rolling it in your fingers you started to lift it to your lips as you wondered what it would taste like, if it would relax your racing mind and tired body. 

“We’re leaving,” Lando growled as he grabbed your wrist and started to drag you back inside, the joint falling to the floor.

“What happened?” Charles asked the moment he saw the hard look on Lando’s face and tight grip on your limp arm. 

“I don’t know, ask Spitfire. Miss Verstappen here is starting fights and taking drugs now apparently.”

“Don’t call her that.”

“Maybe Daddy Dearest and I can share a cell one day, work on that father/daughter bond we never had,” you laughed darkly. “Oh wait, no we can’t because he only got home detention and gets to spend all day with Kelly and Blue playing happy families.”

“Non, non, your lawyer said Jos would get three years minimum,” Charles said as he looked between you and Lando with disbelief. “His stunt could have killed you.”

“I know. I was there, funnily enough.” You shifted on your feet wishing you hadn’t worn heels and you debated kicking them off. “At least Blue doesn’t have to grow up without a dad - at least she will think he gives a shit about her.”

Lando’s fingers eased their grip from your wrist and slipped down to hold your hand. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. It would only upset you and it doesn’t bother me - I have a restraining order against him.”

“But it is obviously bothering you, baby,” he said as he shared a look with Charles. “We’ve both noticed you’ve been acting a little crazy for a while.”

“Well I only found out after we got here so thanks for that. Look, I’m just going to head back to the hotel and find mum.” You pulled away from them as the laser lights caught the shimmer of tears running down your cheeks. “I don’t want to ruin your night any more than I already have.”

“Wait, no,” Lando argued as he took a step after you, tripping over the heels you had slipped off before disappearing into the crowd and missing his quiet words, “you haven’t ruined anything.”

Your feet ached from the run to the hotel and your boobs weren’t feeling much better. The clubbing dress wasn’t exactly one that a supportive bra could fit under so you felt each slap of your feet on the pavement reverberate up your body and bounce them uncomfortably. A few people stared as you rushed by but most people out at the late hour had their own problems to deal with rather than worrying about the person running like a madwoman down the street. 

“Am I crazy?”

Your mother looked a little perplexed as she opened the door to her suite wider to let you in, her eyes narrowing at your bare feet as you walked past panting. “Is this a serious question or rhetorical?”

“I’m being serious, mum.”

“Well,” she said as she pointed to the couch and turned off the TV that was playing the evening news, “I think you are safe if you’re asking that. Most crazy people wouldn’t ask if they are crazy.”

You fell into the couch heavily and rubbed your temples furiously. “There’s something wrong with me though.”

You felt the seat beside you sink in as she sat down before she pulled your hands away. “Why do you say that, honey?”

“I don’t know, I just feel off. Unbalanced. I keep fucking things up with Lando and Charles and I know one day they will get sick of it and leave me. And I wouldn’t blame them.”

“Those boys love you, and what you three have is special but relationships are hard, sweetheart. They take time and energy to maintain. You have to work to keep them going strong, work on both the relationship and yourself.” She paused as she looked at your hands in hers, your nails almost non-existent from the biting habit that had resurfaced in recent months. “What's really on your mind? I haven’t seen you this stressed since your first karting race.”

“Fuck,” you swore under your breath as you pulled your knees up to your chest and wiped your eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing, mum. Last year I had Max on my team and I knew he had my back, now I feel like I have a target on mine.”

“I thought Lawernce was pleased with your work.”

“Points equal money so Lawrence is happy, but Lance is struggling more than me at getting them lately. The upgrades just aren’t doing enough and the further I get ahead in the standings the tenser things are with him, but I need to push harder. I have no hope of beating Max or Checo without the RB19, so, so, so maybe I’m just not that good a driver like everyone said.”

“Oh, honey,” she cooed softly as she wrapped an arm around your shoulders and tucked you into her side. “You are a great driver, no matter the car.”

“I want to believe that but I’m second guessing myself over every decision I’ve made and it makes me so angry that I’m snapping at everyone around me, especially Charles and Lando. I know I’m the problem, mum, I just don’t know how to fix me, or if I even can be…What if there’s just too much Verstappen in here?” Your fist slammed against your chest and as if to prove your point the sound was as hollow as you felt.

Sitting up straight, your mother gave you the look that made you shift uncomfortably before her lips parted. “You listen to me, and you listen well: you are not broken, and there is nothing to ‘fix’. Max, Victoria and Blue all share the same blood as you and they are not broken either. You are more than who your father is and there is nothing wrong with being a Verstappen.”

“Then why didn’t you call me that? If it’s not that bad, why isn’t it on my birth certificate?”

Your mother sighed deeply and she suddenly looked tired - as if her age was catching up with her at the late hour. “Honey, I was your age when I found out I was pregnant. I was young and heartbroken and alone.” 

You couldn’t blame her, you could hardly imagine trying to raise a kid alone, especially one that was a reminder of what was probably the worst betrayal she had faced. It had probably put her off ever wanting another relationship again. “How come you never dated anyone after Jos?”

“I dated other men, honey. I didn’t become a nun,” she teased with a nudge of her shoulder. “You just never met any of them.”

You tried not to think about the nun statement too much but you couldn’t help asking, “Why?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Because you are the most precious gift I ever received and I wasn’t going to bring just anyone into our home. The only man I wanted to bring home was one prepared to be a father to you, we were a package deal.”

Your brows pinched together as you understood yet another sacrifice she had made for you growing up. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You’ll understand it when you’re a mother one day - when you’re older, much older, and retired from racing.” She patted your knee twice at the knock on the door and stood up to open it. “Evening gentlemen, come to collect our Champ?”

You looked to the door and found Lando leaning against the frame with your heels hanging from his fingertips. Charles stood beside him with a hand on his waist.

“Actually, we were wondering if we could have a family meeting.”

Click here for the next part.

[princessasmosprincess]

Sunkissed

Summary: After a fun day at a Human World beach, the brothers realize they're sunburned.

Characters: The demon brothers and GN Reader/MC (it could be Asmodeus x Reader if you squint because this is my fic and hey, you're the one who came to the Asmo kissing blog).

Genre: Sickfic (kinda), humor, fluff

Warnings: Canon-typical sibling on sibling violence, sunburn, nonsexual nudity, mild canon-typical innuendo, no major spoilers but MC is in possession of a certain object they obtain in season 2.

***

“I might have to get rid of that new toner we bought, MC,” said Asmo as he held the door open for you. “My face hurts.”

“Really? My skin feels fine.” You’d known demon skin to be stronger than your own in most cases, so this was perplexing.

Asmo had purchased the toner with you only three days ago from a Human World store famous for selling the most exclusive skincare. It had gone viral online despite its steep price tag, so naturally Asmo had to buy it.

Asmo gasped. “You don’t suppose it contains holy water, do you?”

“That’s not really a common skincare ingredient in the Human World,” you said.

“Humans don’t use it to purify their skin?” He asked.

You shook your head, suppressing a laugh. “But maybe there's something else in the toner that doesn't agree with your skin, let’s take a look at the bottle.”

“Ok! I’ll go get it. And while I'm at it I’ll prepare a bath for the two of us,” He slipped his arm around your waist, leaning into you with his charming smile.

“Maybe…” you said, bumping him gently with your hip.

“We can even try out those bath salts I brought back for you, wouldn't that be nice?”

You had to admit a relaxing bath did sound nice right now. You and the brothers were just coming in from a day at the private beach Diavolo owned in the Human World. The beach was protected by a magical barrier, cloaking it from anyone not authorized to be there. You and the brothers were free to do whatever you wished, including using magic.

It had been a very full day. In the morning you'd surfed a little with Beel, needing to relearn most of what he’d taught you before. And then as soon as you got back to shore, you’d been pulled into a water fight “to the death” that had begun when Satan dumped a handful of sand down Lucifer’s rash guard while he was resting in the shade. You’d mostly been used as a shield between Satan and Mammon against Lucifer. You didn't really mind, though, since you got to see Lucifer's conflicted expression every time he faced you; not that it had really saved you in the end, you’d ended up soaked anyway. Then, Asmo had whisked you away to collect shells in the water with him, with the assistance of mercandy. You’d so enjoyed being merpeople together on your last beach trip that this was truly a treat to experience again. In the water you’d gotten to watch Levi swimming with Lotan, from a distance, of course. Satisfied with the shells you’d collected, you and Asmo dragged yourselves back onto the beach and fell asleep under the umbrella with Belphie, completely exhausted from all the swimming you’d done. You hadn't woken up until the sun had shifted and you were no longer in the shade. At the end of the day, you and the brothers got to watch porpoises breaching in the distance as the sunset lit the sea in shades of pink and gold.

You were grateful the beach Diavolo had lent you came with a vacation home (more like a mansion) just steps away from the shore.

“I call the first shower!” Mammon declared, kicking off his flip-flops.

Levi grabbed his arm before he could run up the stairs. “No, I get the first shower. There’s a raid starting in an hour and I want to login early.”

“Too bad, little bro,” Mammon wrenched his arm out of Levi’s grip. “Hierarchy says I get to go first since I'm older.”

“Really, Mammon, if that’s the case then I’ll be taking the first shower.” said Lucifer.

The three oldest brothers shared one of the mansion’s bathrooms, while the youngest shared another (minus Asmo, since Barbatos had set up a portal to his bathroom at the House of Lamentation). You had your own private bathroom as well, but you didn't mind letting the brothers use it from time to time. It seemed like that would be happening tonight if you ever hoped to have a peaceful dinner.

“One of you can use my bathroom tonight,” You left the three oldest brothers in the foyer to argue, now that an offer to use your bathroom was on the table. You needed some water, you were starting to get a headache, you’d probably had too much sun.

Beel was already in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for something. Belphie was nearby, sitting at the kitchen island as he rested his cheek on the cool marble counter.

“We’ll have dinner soon, Beel, I just need a drink of water and I’ll get started cooking.”

Beel tossed you a water bottle before grabbing one for himself.

“Can I have a snack while I wait?” He bit into a nectarine, coming to lean against the counter.

“Well you’ve already started.” You teased. You took a long drink of water, mentally checking off all the ingredients you’d need to start dinner. Hopefully one or two of the brothers would agree to assist you, it would go much faster with help.

Beel rolled his cool water bottle against his neck, “I think I missed a spot when I reapplied my sunscreen,” he said. “Can you take a look for me?”

“Sure,” you slipped off the sunglasses you were still wearing as Beel turned around for you. “Oh, Beel I think-”

A blood-curdling scream tore through the mansion.

“Wha-” Belphie woke with a start.

You took of running upstairs, towards the source of the scream. You and the twins were the last to arrive at Asmo’s bathroom.

Asmo threw himself into your arms. “Oh, MC! I’m hideous!” He began to cry. His face was red everywhere except where his sunglasses had been, leaving a white impression of their shape behind, “I don't know how you can bear to look at me!”

“Asmo, you’re not hideous,” You stroked his hair. “I don’t think that’s even possible.”

“I’m not?” He sniffed.

“Not at all, you’re just a little…” You trailed off as you looked around the room. Lucifer, Levi, Satan, Beel, and Belphie (in addition to Asmo) were all severely sunburned. Several of them had already begun to shift uncomfortably. “You’re all-”

“MAMMON WHAT DID YOU DO?” Satan roared. Judging by the dark aura surrounding him, he was about to shift into his demon form.

“Wha’da’ya mean, what did I do?” Mammon ran to hide behind you for protection.

“Clearly this is your fault,” he seethed, the aura beginning to dissipate a little since you were in front of him, but his eyes were on Mammon, “We’ve been cursed, you probably wronged some Human World witch and now we’re all paying for it.”

“While that does sound like something he’d-” Lucifer began.

“You’re not cursed,” said Mammon, cutting him off. “You just have a sunburn.”

Satan paused. “You're saying this happened because we were outside in the sunlight?”

“Yeah,”

“Is this true, MC?” He looked at you.

You nodded, “It happens to some humans, too.”

“I did remind you to reapply your sunscreen earlier, Satan.” said Lucifer.

Satan growled. “I didn't think it would actually do anything. I’ve never had a sunburn before.” You noticed the new freckles sprinkled across his nose and cheeks. He would have looked so adorable if not for the anger glowing in his eyes.

“Really?” Beel asked.

“Me and Beel and Asmo used to get sunburned all the time when we snuck down to the Human World.” said Belphie.

“That was before sunscreen existed,” Asmo added. “I would never go out without putting it on now. Earlier I just–” He burst into tears again.

Belphie ignored him, continuing to talk to Satan, “You’ve been here a fair amount and it’s never happened?”

“I’m typically summoned to the Human World at night.” Satan answered flatly. “As are most demons, I’d wager.”

“Satan, your poor, virgin skin!” Asmo sobbed.

“My what?”

“Did anyone remember to reapply?” Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose, recalling that even he hadn’t remembered after the water fight, and then he’d even removed his rash guard, exposing himself further.

“I remembered, and I also put some on Belphie’s face,” said Beel. “But we got burned anyway,”

“What sunscreen did you use?” You asked.

“This one I got from Mammon,” Beel handed you his bottle of sunscreen. You read the label, it was 20 years past its expiration date and the brand name was misspelled.

You shot Mammon a look over your shoulder.

“Must’a got mixed up with my newer stock– uh, purchases.” he lied.

You looked around at the demons in front of you. All six of them were varying shades of red. Satan and Levi seemed to be in the worst condition as they’d been in full sun for most of the day. Asmo, Lucifer, and the twins hadn’t fared much better despite taking advantage of the umbrella’s shade. You could feel the heat of Asmo’s skin on yours, plus more warmth radiating off of Satan. It had to be so painful.

Satan turned back to you and Mammon. “Why don't you two seem to be affected?”

“I don’t get sunburns,” Mammon smirked before ducking behind you again when Satan turned his glare on him.

“Father blessed him with a golden tan complexion,” Asmo pouted. “He was like that when we were angels, too.”

“And you, MC, are you immune like Mammon or do you have some sort of talisman against the rays of the sun?” Satan asked. “I don’t understand how a human could be unaffected when we are all suffering.”

“I don’t have any special talismans, I put on sunscreen before I went outside just like everyone else,” You looked down at your arms. You hadn't been sunburned at all, and you hadn't reapplied your sunscreen either. Your eyes caught on the gold ring you wore on your finger.

“You might have been protected by my Ring of Light,” Lucifer said with a small smile, echoing your thoughts almost exactly.

The others nodded. It was a very powerful magical relic.

“Well now that we've cleared that up,” Satan said through thinly veiled rage. “How long is this agony supposed to last? It feels like spiders are crawling all over my skin.”

You really didn't want to tell him. Judging by the severity of his sunburn it might be… “A week?” you said. “Sometimes it takes longer. But most of the pain occurs in the first few days or so.”

Satan looked like he was about to explode with rage or drown Mammon in the bathtub. Maybe both.

Lucifer cut in before he could do anything. “As we are demons, our cell turnover is faster than humans, which will shorten our recovery time. It will be about 48 hours until we fully heal, I’d estimate, but that also means we’ll be feeling the worst of it tonight.”

***

You sent the sunburned demons downstairs to the living room, directing them to ice their skin while they waited, so you and Mammon could collect supplies. The mansion was well-stocked thanks to Diavolo and Barbatos preparing it for you ahead of time, but only with Human World essentials. They had wanted you to feel right at home. You doubted the brothers kept very many potion ingredients in their rooms, and definitely not anything that could give relief from a sunburn.

You had Mammon fetch the first aid kit from the kitchen cabinet while you looked through Asmo’s and Lucifer’s skincare collections to see if they had any skin-soothing products. When you were finished, the two of you deposited your loot on the living room’s coffee table. Mammon had found a tiny tube of lidocaine cream, one packet of colloidal oatmeal, and a small jar of aloe gel. You’d come up with a bottle of unscented body lotion and two small tubes of expensive healing ointment; you’d also found a half-full bottle of demon-strength ibuprofen in Lucifer's things, which would definitely be needed to get through the next couple of days. These were your only supplies. You might be able to get the aloe gel to stretch between your six sunburn victims but it would be pretty scarce. As for everything else… you’d cross that bridge when you got there.

Asmo and Beel got started slathering healing ointment and lotion on Belphie who was whining in his sleep.

You scooped some aloe gel into your hand so you could administer care to Satan as Mammon did the same with Levi.

Satan started reciting cat poems under his breath as you rubbed the cool gel into his skin as gently as you could.

“MC, there’s a bottle of Demonus in the basement fridge.” said Lucifer. He sat next to you, his perfect posture rigid, as if moving at all would cause him immense pain. “When you have a moment, please go get it.”

“Demonus would be really nice right now,” Asmo hummed, pressing a generous amount of healing ointment onto his own cheeks.

You gave a sympathetic smile, “You both know that’s just going to dehydrate you and make your skin feel worse.”

You knocked two ibuprofen into Lucifer’s palm as consolation. He gave you a look, taking the bottle from you. He poured out four more into his hand and then passed the rest to Asmo.

SMACK

Levi screamed at the top of his lungs.

“MAMMON!” You and Lucifer yelled at the same time.

You rushed to Levi’s side only to see the perfectly white handprint of Mammon’s slap contrasting with his lobster red skin. Levi began to cry, inhaling a ragged breath as tears started streaming down his face.

“He insulted me after all I’m doin’ for him?” Mammon defended himself. “He called me a scumbag!”

“Go help Lucifer,” you snapped.

“Ok, ok, I’m goin’.”

Levi couldn’t catch his breath, his shoulders convulsing as his sobs came out in a silent cry. It was a bit disturbing.

You gently placed your hand on the handprint. “May the vestiges of pain that linger within the demon before me be eliminated.” A gold flash sparkled under your hand as you recited the spell. Levi slumped against your shoulder, breathing once more. For once, he wasn't embarrassed that his bare skin was touching yours.

“Are you ok?” you asked him.

He sniffed a few times, still shaking, “The pain from the slap is gone but my skin still feels like it’s on fire,” he said, wiping away a tear.

You had a feeling the healing spell wouldn't be strong enough. It had been worth a try, though.

“MC,” Satan called your attention from the other side of the couch. “The aloe gel has dried and the infernal itching has returned.” He squirmed in his seat.

“Here, try this,” Mammon slid an ice pack over Satan’s shoulders.

“THAT’S MAKING IT WORSE!” Satan tore the ice pack from Mammon’s hands, throwing it at his face and knocking his sunglasses off.

“Ow!” Mammon rubbed the red mark just beginning to bloom on his cheek.

You sighed. This was proving more difficult than you’d expected. There wasn’t enough aloe gel to apply on each brother twice. You needed to come up with a solution.

“Is there any chance we can use a duplication spell on this?” You slid the jar to Mammon, who was still holding his cheek in pain.

He picked up the jar and scanned over the ingredients list. “There’s too much stuff in here, between the two of us we might end up with somethin’ similar but there’s also a chance it’ll make everything worse. I ain’t Lord Diavolo.”

You looked at the dwindling supplies on the table. Asmo and Beel had already exhausted the first tube of healing ointment. “That means we can’t duplicate any of that, either?”

“Probably not.”

“I’m hungry,” Beel complained.

Right. Everyone still needed dinner.

Lucifer handed you his credit card before Mammon had a chance to register what was happening. “Just buy anything we need. Supplies, takeout, I really don’t care right now.” He picked up the tube of lidocaine cream and squeezed the entire contents into his hand, rubbing half of it into his own chest and the other half into Satan’s shoulders.

Well, that certainly made things easier. You turned on an animated movie for them to watch while you and Mammon went to the kitchen. You picked a random takeout menu that was stuck to the fridge and ordered meals for everyone, and Mammon sat at the island and searched Akuzon for sunburn relief products on his D.D.D.

“Does Akuzon even deliver to the Human World?” You asked as you hung up the phone.

“They do for demon lords,” said Mammon as he added another item to the cart. “Levi pays for the premium shipping rate so they deliver anywhere.”

“You’re using Levi’s account?”

“Got locked outta mine…”

You sat next to him, helping him choose the best products to heal his brothers’ damaged skin. Lots of aloe gel and healing ointment, analgesic products too. You also purchased a balm that was supposedly infused with magic to speed up the healing process. The bill would be several hundred Grimm but you didn't think Lucifer would mind, considering the circumstances.

“We got three hour delivery, we just gotta keep ‘em happy ‘till then.” said Mammon.

“NO!” Asmo shrieked from the other room, right as the doorbell rang.

“That’s probably the food,” Mammon sighed, “Do you wanna find out what Asmo’s problem is or should I?”

You pressed your hand to your heart, your pulse still racing from being startled. “It would be better if I went to him,” You were less likely to start a fight between the brothers just by entering the room.

Mammon went to answer the door while you returned to the living room.

“Is everything alright?” You asked tentatively.

“Everything is not alright,” said Asmo. “How dare those disgusting eels tip over their boat, Ariel was just about to get her true love’s kiss!”

You breathed a sigh of relief. It was just about the movie.

“Mmm, eel…” Beel was almost drooling.

“Would the kiss have even worked?” Satan mused. “How could it be true love, Eric just barely learned her name and they’ve known each other for two days.”

“I wonder,” you smiled.

“Come sit with me, darling,” Asmo pulled you onto the couch between him and Lucifer, nuzzling into you, his skin still feverishly warm, “This movie is wonderful. Have you seen the sea witch’s makeup? I should try something like that for fun, don’t you think? It’s such an iconic look.”

They all seemed really into it, which left you pleasantly surprised. Satan was trying to figure out if the story would end the bittersweet way the original fairytale did, Lucifer argued that it wouldn't be appropriate for a children’s movie to end tragically; their conversation was very lighthearted and almost academic. Levi was using his tablet to draft cosplays of various characters from the film, asking you who you wanted to be. Beel was commenting about all the fish he’d like to eat every time they appeared onscreen, while Belphie hummed along to the score. Mammon brought in the food and then everyone was glad to eat while finishing the movie.

There wasn't a dry eye as the credits rolled after Ariel finally got her happy ending with her prince. Not even yours. A mermaid leaving her family to live with her true love in another realm, the irony wasn't lost on you.

“That was great,” said Mammon, dabbing at a tear with a handkerchief, “Should we watch another?”

Belphie’s shoulders shook as he cried quietly.

“What's wrong, Belphie?” Beel asked as all eyes turned to the youngest.

“M-my skin st-still h-hurts,” he hiccuped.

You were worried about that. They’d all been distracted by the movie for a while, the pain was bound to kick in once it ended.

“I’m starting to feel it again, too.” Lucifer popped a few more ibuprofen capsules.

“How much longer until the delivery, Mammon?” You asked.

He checked his D.D.D. “They’re a hundred stops away, should get here by ten.”

“That's two and a half hours from now,”

The brothers began to complain. You didn't blame them, they were still suffering, but it was starting to give you a headache on top of the one you already had. You needed to placate them and clearly Disney movies weren't enough.

They'd used up all of the supplies, the empty containers littering the table. All that was left was the packet of colloidal oatmeal. You picked it up.

Ingredients: Colloidal oatmeal 100%

“Everyone upstairs to Asmo’s bathroom,” you instructed. You took Mammon by the wrist and led him to the kitchen.

“Now what?” He asked.

“This has only one ingredient,” You held up the packet.

“So we can duplicate it. Good idea, MC!”

Mammon helped you locate a large mixing bowl and you emptied the packet into it. You both waved your hands over the bowl, reciting the duplication spell in unison. You had to repeat the spell six times to have enough for what you needed to do.

When you got upstairs, the brothers were all standing around the bathroom looking very uncomfortable, Asmo had already started filling the tub.

“Everyone needs to strip,” you tossed each of them a towel.

The room broke out in half-hearted groans. You were sure if their faces weren't so red from sunburn, most of them would have been blushing.

“It’s nothing I haven't seen before,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“What?” Mammon’s gaze shot to you.

“Nothing…” you gave an innocent smile.

Mammon crossed his arms, muttering something to himself.

“I c- I can’t strip in front of my brothers!” Levi whined.

“It’s no different than bathing at the hot springs,”

“Yeah but I usually–”

You raised an eyebrow, “Are you really in a position to be complaining, Leviathan?”

“N-no…” Levi sniffed.

“MC, look over here, ” Asmo cooed, winking. “I can strip for you, like a good boy.” He swayed his hips, dropping the towel from his shoulders. “Doo doo-doo doo-doo doo doo doo,” he was singing his own sexy background music.

You just stared at him.

Asmo bent down, giving you what was supposed to be a sensual smile, his lips curved wobbly and his eyes were hazed with pain and unshed tears as he moved. But the show must go on, as they say. “Touch me, tease me, feel me up,” He tossed his hair, sliding his hands to the waistband of his swim shorts, beginning to roll them down. “Touch me, tease me, feel me– AHH!” He screamed as the fabric brushed against his inflamed skin.

“Asmo!”

His swim shorts dropped to the ground unceremoniously, as he writhed in pain. Everywhere the shorts had previously covered was porcelain white. He squeaked, picking up the towel to cover himself. This was not how he wanted you to see him.

The others followed suit in a less dramatic fashion, all stripping out of their swimwear, some more bashful than others for being naked in front of you. You and Mammon dumped the contents of the bowl into the tub, allowing the running water to mix it around.

“Get in,” you said.

And they obeyed.

There was just enough room for the six of them to fit in the tub comfortably. They all relaxed in the warm water, their skin finally feeling soothed. They were quiet. Belphie fell asleep right away, and Satan’s eyes no longer glowed with barely concealed rage.

You sat down on the padded bench next to the tub, your muscles untensing at last, Mammon passed you a water bottle and a single demon-strength ibuprofen, just enough for a human headache.

“Thanks,” you took it, sinking deeper into the bench’s soft cushion.

“I’m gonna go put some music on,” he said.

“Sure, go ahead,” You said, your eyes slipping closed.

When Mammon returned with the portable speaker, you were fast asleep.

“Shh…” said Lucifer.

Mammon set the speaker down and lifted you into his arms.

“Thank you, MC,” the brothers each whispered as Mammon carried you off to your bedroom for a well-deserved rest.

“Sleep well,” said Mammon.

***

Cross-posted on AO3

[thegoodduckfan]

At the request of @okaystoptellingmetomakeanaccount

Here you go:

Listen to 'em braggin' down there! Braggin' because they outsmarted Scrooge McDuck!

I'm only an old man, I guess! Too old to keep up with the new tricks!

Just a poor old man that remembers the old tricks!

Yes! I remember the old tricks!-----Like the time in Bagdad—

Well, never mind! Let's go down there and congratulate our my new-rich neighbors!

I'd congratulate 'em with a box of spoiled eggs!

Unca Scrooge is up to something!

Hadn't we better go into town and file a claim on this money?

Yeah — but wait! Here comes old Scrooge! Let's see what's on his mind!

Boys, I came to offer my best regards! You outsmarted me – and did it fair!

You mean you ain't mad at us?

Certainly not! I admire brains —and you boys have got 'em!

I had brains, too — in the old days! But now I've got a head like a soft tomato

Hee! Hee!

Could you find it in your hearts to grant a poor old man one little favor?

Well — maybe!

It's just that I'd like to have one last swim in this money before you haul it away!

You swam in that stuff?

Every day for years! It's the only pleasure I ever had!

Well, if that ain't one for the book! Go right ahead!

Zoom

If I didn't see it, I wouldn't believe it!

Watch how I dive around in it like a porpoise!

And see how I burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

Say, that looks like it'd be fun!

It is! It's your money now! Why don't you dive into it and learn how to enjoy it?

The old boy's got something there!

Last one in's an honest man!

Zoom!

C r a c k

How odd! The Beagle Boys bounced like they'd hit a solid wall!

And feel those heads — like soft tomatoes! They'll be unconscious for weeks!

Months! And to think it happened to them before they could go to court and claim my money! Tsk! Tsk!

Unca Scrooge, how come you dived all the way from the bluff, and you didn't get hurt?

Well, I'll admit — it's a trick!

Now let's get bulldozers and trucks and haul this money back onto my land! Hi-de-ho!

So uncle Scrooge gets all his money back, and things are again as they were!

If you don't mind, uncle Scrooge, the kids and I would like to get paid off now and go home!

Oh, no! Not yet!

I haven't had time to tell you what comfort you'd get out of a fortune like mine!

If you've got comfort, I'll take vanilla! Shut up and pay off!

You may not know it, uncle Scrooge, but your billions are a pain in the neck! You're only a poor old man! Good-bye!

Bah! Kid talk! No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while!

And I like to dive around in my money like a porpoise!

And burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

[whump-place]

Replacement.

Again.

Masterlist.

Cw: unreliable narrator.

Whumpee had tried to run away. Again.

And this time they also tried poisoning Caretaker.

Caretaker can't just let it slide this time.

"...please! Please! I'm sorry! I didn't..."

Whumpee's screams rang in Caretaker's ears. They are crying, and begging, but Caretaker can't let Whumpee think that what they did is right. Maybe it was an accident? But then that means Whumpee can't even be trusted around the kitchen anymore, they are too clumsy, they might end up poisoning themselves at this point. And that means Whumpee might hurt themselves.

And if Whumpee tried to poison Caretaker on porpoise? Then that's worse. Whumpee can't go around poisoning everyone that tries to help them.

They can't. They can't...

Ugh.

Caretaker feels his head spinning, it hurts. He can't believe Whumpee did something so ruthless as to try to run away again. Last time they almost...

"I'm sorry! Please! I'm sorry!"

Caretaker turns away from Whumpee's room door. They've been screaming and throwing things around for half an hour now, Caretaker tried to tie their hands to the bed, to maybe keep Whumpee from making a mess, but it seems it's not working.

They are going to get tired soon, that phrase plays in Caretaker's head like a mantra, it does little to muffle Whumpee's screams but at least is something Caretaker can think about to remember he's doing this for Whumpee. Everything is for Whumpee.

[okaystoptellingmetomakeanaccount]

Listen to ‘em braggin’ down there! Braggin’ because the outsmarted Scrooge McDuck!

I’m only an old man, I guess! Too old to keep up with the new tricks!

Just a poor old man that remembers the old tricks!

Yes! I remember the old tricks!-----Like the time in Bagdad—

Well, never mind! Let’s go down there and congratulate our my new-rich neighbors!

I’d congratulate ‘em with a box of spoiled eggs!

Unca Scrooge is up to something!

Hadn’t we better go into town and file a claim on this money?

Yeah — but wait! Here comes old Scrooge! Let’s see what’s on his mind!

Boys, I came to offer my best regards! You outsmarted me – and did it fair!

You mean you ain’t mad at us?

Certainly not! I admire brains —and you boys have got ‘em!

I had brains, too — in the old days! But now I’ve got a head like a soft tomato

Hee! Hee!

Could you find it in your hearts to grant a poor old man one little favor?

Well — maybe!

It’s just that I’d like to have one last swim in this money before you haul it away!

You swam in that stuff?

Every day for years! It’s the only pleasure I ever had!

Well, if that ain’t one for the book! Go right ahead!

Zoom

If I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t believe it!

Watch how I dive around in it like a porpoise!

And see how I burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

Say, that looks like it’d be fun!

It is! It’s your money now! Why don’t you dive into it and learn how to enjoy it?

The old boy’s got something there!

Last one in’s an honest man!

Zoom!

C r a c k

How odd! The Beagle Boys bounced like they’d hit a solid wall!

And feel those heads — like soft tomatoes! They'll be unconscious for weeks!

Months! And to think it happened to them before they could go to court and claim my money! Tsk! Tsk!

Unca Scrooge, how come you dived all the way from the bluff, and you didn’t get hurt?

Well, I’ll admit — it’s a trick!

Now let’s get bulldozers and trucks and haul this money back onto my land! Hi-de-ho!

So uncle Scrooge gets all his money back, and things are again as they were!

If you don’t mind, uncle Scrooge, the kids and I would like to get paid off now and go home!

Oh, no! Not yet!

I haven’t had time to tell you what comfort you’d get out of a fortune like mine!

If you’ve got comfort, I’ll take vanilla! Shut up and pay off!

You may not know it, uncle Scrooge, but your billions are a pain in the neck! You’re only a poor old man! Good-bye!

Bah! Kid talk! No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while!

And I like to dive around in my money like a porpoise!

And burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

[berrypass-de-murdler]

2 - 100 The Second Drakonian Civil War

Holy-

Murdle Advent Day 21

The Abominable Snowman rests under a winter moon!

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

Everyone has safely returned home. They’re scarred, physically and emotionally, but they’re all ready to get back to their lives, and Sergeant Gunmetal is looking for a new beginning.

GUNMETAL: RED? WHERE’S RED?!

Meanwhile, Drakonia burns. Major Red and Viscount Eminence are pitted against each other once again, Patriarch Porpoise comes into battle, and President White circles above. The Royal supporters and Eminence stand before Red and the people of the city, while the St. Lupinian cult and White’s army of money-laundering creeps.

RED: This is it. Either you die, or I will! EMINENCE: That’s a given, not a threat, idiot! RED: The people will love me… the people will remember me… EMINENCE: Fuck the people… I want POWER… RED: This is why you should have NEVER been the ruler! Take off your stupid vampire costume… fight like what you REALLY ARE! EMINENCE: OVER MY DEAD NIGHT-EATER!

He flies up into the air as Red stares hopelessly from the ground. But he can’t run away this time and let Red win. He divebombs, but is only hindered by his plush exterior. Red remains undamaged and grabs him with his crushing talons. Porpoise runs by and smacks the both of them, spearing every human in sight. White’s army then trample him alive.

WHITE: Oh you silly, silly men… Do any of you really think you know what’s right for the country?  PORPOISE: [cough]... You… don’t CARE about the country… you just want so much FUCKING MONEY…

She doesn’t deny it, and tries to drop a bomb on Eminence and Red. 

The two mortal enemies weakly escape into rubble. White doesn’t care about anything anymore so as long as the eagle is dead - she has been selling weapons to EVERY party the entire time, knowing their egos will eventually lead them all to kill each other, allowing her to take reign. Red’s army is dying rapidly - all of them are. And with fire at every angle, he’s lost all hope for his survival. He looks at his shaking metal hand.

RED: You stupid bird… [buries his face and cries]

Eminence knows Drakonia is doomed. But maybe…

The huggable vampire clutches onto Red’s arm. 

RED: What is WRONG with you. EMINENCE: Get to a high point, as fast as you can!

Red’s eye sparkles with amazement. Does this mean what he thinks this means?

And just like in the legend, Red runs across a collapsing building to reach the top, only this time with a little Eminence at his side. They leap, Eminence holding onto Red with his legs and flapping his little wings as fast as he can, and Red spreading his to soar over the flames. Of course it isn’t aerodynamically possible, but it sure does make for an epic shot, and cartoon physics will always be cartoon physics. 

White opens her laptop, and as the rest of Drakonia turns to ash, she watches her salary rise higher and higher, and cackles like a psychopath as chunks of land sink into the water and bodies pile up everywhere.

Logico finds the birds collapsed at the entrance to the mainland, hurt and exhausted.

GUNMETAL: RED, MAJOR RED! LOGICO: Why are you here? RED: … 

Irratino helps them up. They visit the hospital, and the former graywalkers are awake. They reconcile with the detectives, and they’re going to be able to be released sooner than anyone expected. (Even Saffron, despite her escape attempts.)

Taupe followed them home too. He just loved the detectives too much. They’re greeted with a bone-crushing pounce from the lovable headless friend.

Irratino goes to the bar with Logico, and they’re greeted by a lot of familiar faces. And they all ramble about nothing for the rest of the night.

You've been scared of love and what it did to you

You don't have to run, I know what you've been through

Just a simple touch, and it can set you free

You don't have to rush when you're alone with me...

The next day.

IRRATINO: Come on, let’s go to the Institute. I wanna show you something. LOGICO: It better not be something stupid.

Irratino laughs and they head there. But they soon find that the place is bound by chains, inaccessible, and only an incomprehensible note is left as a clue. They scream, and Logico faints from annoyance.

The end!

And with that, an entire other Murdle cartoon series comes to a close. I'm going on 'Christmas break' now and will either start book 3 after Christmas or at the start of January depending on how I'm feeling, but I will continue to post any art I make as well as the remaining advent calendar pictures <3

Thank you Raven and Blue for reading this. I love you so much.

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[iloverumpusmcfowl]

Listen to ‘em braggin’ down there! Braggin’ because the outsmarted Scrooge McDuck!

I’m only an old man, I guess! Too old to keep up with the new tricks!

Just a poor old man that remembers the old tricks!

Yes! I remember the old tricks!-----Like the time in Bagdad—

Well, never mind! Let’s go down there and congratulate our my new-rich neighbors!

I’d congratulate ‘em with a box of spoiled eggs!

Unca Scrooge is up to something!

Hadn’t we better go into town and file a claim on this money?

Yeah — but wait! Here comes old Scrooge! Let’s see what’s on his mind!

Boys, I came to offer my best regards! You outsmarted me – and did it fair!

You mean you ain’t mad at us?

Certainly not! I admire brains —and you boys have got ‘em!

I had brains, too — in the old days! But now I’ve got a head like a soft tomato

Hee! Hee!

Could you find it in your hearts to grant a poor old man one little favor?

Well — maybe!

It’s just that I’d like to have one last swim in this money before you haul it away!

You swam in that stuff?

Every day for years! It’s the only pleasure I ever had!

Well, if that ain’t one for the book! Go right ahead!

Zoom

If I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t believe it!

Watch how I dive around in it like a porpoise!

And see how I burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

Say, that looks like it’d be fun!

It is! It’s your money now! Why don’t you dive into it and learn how to enjoy it?

The old boy’s got something there!

Last one in’s an honest man!

Zoom!

C r a c k

How odd! The Beagle Boys bounced like they’d hit a solid wall!

And feel those heads — like soft tomatoes! They'll be unconscious for weeks!

Months! And to think it happened to them before they could go to court and claim my money! Tsk! Tsk!

Unca Scrooge, how come you dived all the way from the bluff, and you didn’t get hurt?

Well, I’ll admit — it’s a trick!

Now let’s get bulldozers and trucks and haul this money back onto my land! Hi-de-ho!

So uncle Scrooge gets all his money back, and things are again as they were!

If you don’t mind, uncle Scrooge, the kids and I would like to get paid off now and go home!

Oh, no! Not yet!

I haven’t had time to tell you what comfort you’d get out of a fortune like mine!

If you’ve got comfort, I’ll take vanilla! Shut up and pay off!

You may not know it, uncle Scrooge, but your billions are a pain in the neck! You’re only a poor old man! Good-bye!

Bah! Kid talk! No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while!

And I like to dive around in my money like a porpoise!

And burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

omggg no way did you just reference my favorite Rosa story????? Now this is pretty epic

[tonnerredebrest]

a tired canadian trying to put back together two annoying europeans

summary: Lance is tired. Tired of putting Esteban back up each times Alonso just looks at him, tired of feeling shitty about Mick leaving, and exhausted about having said Spaniard as his teammate. Yet, he needs to be strong, for he’ll learn he has a new quest for the 2023 season: making his teammate and friend see reason, and date again. Also he’ll have to threaten some people to get Mick back on the grid, but nothing is impossible. tags: eventual happy ending, crack, emotional hurt/comfort, eventual fluff, breaking up and getting back together, warnings: none apply, some f-bomb swearing. part: 3 of 6

Part 1 ; Part 2 ;

The first day of testing is a pain in the arse, literally. Yeah, he got his seat fit and other things, but that damn porpoising hurts his back. Something else also hurts, irritates him, and it’s his goddamn teammate. That man has deemed that it was a good idea to just stroll back to Esteban, as if nothing happened, as if they were still together and in the same team.

It nearly broke the Frenchman to the ground. And guess who has to scramble for the pieces of that lanky drivers, put them back together to make him survive the day? Yeah, you’re goddamn right it was the Powerpuff boys. Mick will stay for a bit in the UAE, to hang out with some of his own friends, and be the excellent emotional support golden retriever friend he is. Lance can’t thank him enough for that, it’s always hard to take care of Este alone.

They got absolutely trashed at the end of the year parties, going from one place to another, purposefully avoiding the Yankees and one Spanish driver. They know some pics will be bound to leak, but they don’t worry that much. After all; it was Seb’s retirement, they can and will use this excuse.

Anyway, once again, Este is having a hard time adjusting to this new relationship, or rather lack of thereof, he has with Fernando. He is pacing in Este’s hotel room, their favourite meetup point mind you, mumbling in his beard and sometimes moving his hands, as if he is Italian. Lance and Mick just patiently wait on the bed, for whatever their best friend wants to talk about now. For once, he seems pretty angry. Everything is better than a sad Este, Lance thinks, and soon regrets.

“I just don’t understand,” the French driver’s voice always gets that annoying Normand accent when he doesn’t mind it. “He leaves the team, without looking back, and doesn’t give a fuck about consequences. He ignores me, ignored his responsibilities towards the team, and then, as if the rain didn’t fell from the sky, after he changes teams, he comes back to me. He thinks I’m a fucking idiot.”

You’re an idiot, Lance thinks.

“Oh ta gueule, Lance, I perfectly know what you think. Anyway, he dares coming back towards me, that bastard dares to do that, and for what? Just for a ‘Hello, how are you doing?’ I swear to you two I will strangle him.”

Lance and Mick look at each other, now just a little concerned about Alonso’s safety.

“We’ll help you hide the body,” Lance jokes, eyes already glittering at the idea.

“Ta gueule, Lance,” Mick repeats, focusing on Este instead. “And you did you feel? Apart from the feeling of being taken as a joke, of course.”

“Je…” The French driver looks at the window, his brain freezing.

Then, Lance and Mick are the spectators of a man loosing all his composure, and crumbling. Este’s lips begin to tremble, his eyes are watering. Both German and Canadian driver immediately go to him, to reassure and cuddle him.

“I let him do, I let him say hello to me, I let him lie to me, I let myself imagine that, maybe, he’ll come back, that he is coming back, that all of this is just a nightmare, but no…”

Esteban is quietly crying on Lance’s shoulder.

“I thought it was a nightmare, and that he was coming back to wake me up, but no…”

The next day, when Lance sees Alonso again in the garage, he has to physically restrain him from punching the man. The Canadian has spend some time with Daniel, he got a little bit of UFC and MMA knowledge, he is certain the Spaniard will be the one hurting the most if Lance ever decks him, and not him, no matter how many times Mick insists he doesn’t know how to fight.

After some painful driving, they are in the garage, discussing whatever teammates and their race-engineers need to discuss. As always, Lance is propped against the wall, leaning on it because he’s tired. Alonso is close, far too close to his liking. As his own race-engineer, Ben, is talking to Chris, Alonso’s engineer, about some new wing features, Lance just stares at the man in front of him.

He knows he has his best bitchy and bored face on, and he does truly wonder if he can just hit the man from his position, without moving. Faking some stretchering, he tries out the distance, sadly for him, and happily for Alonso, Lance is still too far from his teammate.

You lucked out this one, but don’t think I won’t ambush you next time.

[chadots]

My 7yo loves to learn about animals. We have a DK animal encyclopedia that has been repaired so many times it’s half tape.

So we’ve talked about endangered species, but I haven’t gone over the top with pathos and made him cry. He has his whole adulthood for that.

But tonight, one of his shows had animated Siberian tigers and vaquita porpoises and polar bears singing about how bad things are and how they wanted to go back to how life used to be.

He wanted to see real (non-animated) videos of all the animals. He was fighting sleep so hard that when he missed ten seconds because his eyes closed, he’d say what did I miss? And swipe the video back to the beginning.

He didn’t cry, but I could see he was hurting. And I hate to think of how much worse the world will get before he’s grown.

[blue-eyed-cutiepatootie]

Dolphins at Midday

Wc 998, established relationship, eating disorder, beach trip

As Nick pulls him enthusiastically towards the water Charlie checks his watch- 1 p.m. 

"Oh, Char, did you see? Dolphins! Straight out!" 

They'd had a light lunch before getting ready to walk to the beach, both donning white cotton t-shirts for different reasons, but Charlie's stomach already felt like it was gnawing on itself. Squinting through his sunglasses, he tried to spot Nick's dolphins. If they walk for an hour out and an hour back- "Yeah, Nick, that's really cool!" -then that'll be about 3 hours since they ate and he can have a snack. He'll deserve- 

"Are these dolphins though, or porpoises? There's a difference, right?" Nick has his unoccupied hand shielding his eyes from the bright sun.  Another pod shows their fins further out and Nick squeals excitedly again. Charlie grins despite his stomach. 

"You were right the first time, most likely. Porpoises aren't common in these waters." 

Nick glances at him in surprise before turning back to the dolphins. There appear to be two or three pods and they're moving away from the shore. 

Still intently watching the water, Nick squeezes his hands and says, "So you were doing some research last night after I fell asleep instead of watching the movie?"

"Oh you expect me to give Thor my full attention when you literally fell asleep!"

"Oi!"

They stand there until the last dolphin swims out of sight. Nick swings their arms, "Ready?"

Charlie lifts his pail for shells. "Ready."

They head south down the shore and begin the search. Every few minutes Nick pulls Charlie in one direction or the other and bends down to pick up a shell. Charlie is mostly enjoying the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun as the mosey along. And tries not to constantly check his watch. Forty more minutes and then they can-

"Char?" Apparently he's unsuccessful and his boyfriend is incredibly observant. 

"Yeah?" Charlie plasters a smile on his face. Not that he's not enjoying this. He's just so hungry. But he's already eaten twice today and he should really just wait until dinner which he totally won't talk himself out of-

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Charlie starts walking again but is pulled to a stop by Nick.

"Honest?"

"Honest." And really, being a little hungry isn't a big deal. Well, it shouldn't be. Nick narrows his eyes but lets Charlie pull him along this time. After a few minutes of worried glances Nick returns to choosing shells. He finds one that is very old and worn that looks like brains. Another that is perfectly smooth and orange like the fruit. A nearly perfect olive.

"Char, what does this remind you of?" Nick holds up a shell with pink and orange coloring. 

"Sorbet?" Charlie ventures. Oh and does sorbet sound delicious right now.

"Yeah! Raspberry and mango sorbet!" The shell goes in the pail and they carry on. Charlie tries to discreetly check his watch. Ten more minutes. Nick pauses to pick up a shell with cool worm spots worn in and squeezes Charlie's hand as he drops the shell in the pail. Charlie's stomach growls and he's thankful for the waves crashing.

"Ready to head back?" 

No! It hasn't been long enough! "Ten more minutes?"

Nick narrows his eyes again. Charlie is dying to look away but holds steady. Today is turning into a mental shitshow and as much as he wants to lean on his boyfriend, he just…can't. 

"Alright." 

Ten minutes later, Charlie's stomach is screaming at him as Nick turns them around without a word. Charlie can tell he knows something is up because he's chattering more than usual. Commenting on the beachfront properties, fancy equipment people splurged on, cool water toys, and cute dogs. He leaves room for Charlie to respond but doesn't appear hurt when he's merely met with small smiles.

Finally, after what feels like three hours, their aching feet reach the beach access point. Bracing themselves they start the trek over the burning hot sand. Halfway across Nick drops Charlie's hand only to pick him up in a bridal carry the rest of the way. Despite himself, Charlie is giggling and feels a bit lighter as he slips his feet into his sandals. 

That ends when they reach their rental house. Now, facing the actual prospect of eating, Charlie feels himself shutting down. There are four flights of stairs between him and the kitchen and Nick pulls him into their room before ascending the last two. He closes the door behind them and pulls Charlie into a sweaty, sunscreen-y hug. And that's the last straw. Charlie bursts into tears as Nick rubs his back.

Nick doesn't try to find out what's wrong as his shirt catches Charlie's tears. He just holds on whispering that he's here and it'll be alright. Eventually Charlie's breathing evens out and his tears slow. 

"Shit," Charlie whispers, "I'm so-"

"Hey, none of that. Remember? I chose you and I continue to choose you even, no, especially, on bad days." 

Charlie nods against Nick's shoulder. 

"What do you need, Char?"

"I'm so hungry. But I don't feel like I deserve anything to eat because we just ate-"

"Babe that was almost 4 hours ago and we just engaged in physical activity!" Nick's voice softens when he adds, "and you always deserve to eat."

Charlie closes his eyes. "I know. I'll try to eat something. 

Up in the kitchen Charlie starts to spiral as he and Nick go through their options. Finally he admits he's overwhelmed and Nick closes the pantry. 

"Ok. What sounds good? Just like, gut reaction."

"Sorbet." Charlie surprises himself with how quickly he answers. Nick's eyebrows raise.

"Yeah," Nick grins as he reaches for his car keys, "let's go then." 

It's a little tricky finding sorbet on the island but soon enough they're sharing sticky raspberry and mango kisses. Tomorrow might be another bad day. Or it might be better. Either way he knows Nick will be there. 

[safetycar-restart]

Oh my god please expand on Lewis walking in on you with little George!!!! He would be so embarassed bless him and he’d definitely try to hide away but Lewis would be so good with him and it would be so cute you and Lewis looking after little George !!!!!!!!!

I’ve never thought about little!George before but now that I have... I would die for him. So of course we can talk about this!!!

So, I’m thinking that Lewis doesn’t know George age regresses at all? Usually, you guys have a rule that George doesn’t regress in the paddock at all. He can do it in hotel rooms if he really needs to, but never the paddock.

This time though, there was nothing you could do to stop it.

George had a terrible day, one fuck up after another and then he had to do media where he was asked terrible questions and he’s so sore from the porpoising and you can tell that he’s not going to be able to stay big for much longer.

You get him to his driver’s room, hoping to take a few minutes and try and calm him down enough that he can sit through his last debriefing of the day.

But then, as he’s walking into his driver room, he drops on the stair leading into it and falls flat on his face.

And then well, there’s no chance of keeping him from regressing anymore.

The moment George realises he’s fallen, he slips into littlespace. And little George just starts sobbing because his day has been terrible and the porpoising hurts and now he fell over and he hurts even more!

You just pull him up, get him into the couch and let him curl up on your lap. The poor thing is crying his little heart out, so scared and sad and overwhelmed. You know this is a full on meltdown, not a tantrum so you just hold him through it.

He’s just started to feel better when Lewis opens the door.

George had just agreed that maybe some colouring in would make him feel better, and even managed to give you a watery smile! So he really was feeling better.

And then Lewis barges in, telling George that he’s late for his briefing.

Poor little George panics. He fucks down, taking his drawing with him because he’s scared Lewis might see. Maybe George has a plushie too? Maybe a Williams duck he brought with him from last year? And George panics and throws that across the room because he doesn’t want Lewis to make fun of him.

Cause little George knows that Lewis is very important and so cool and that George needs to impress Lewis! But little George can’t impress Lewis because he’s so little, so all he can do is try to hide.

Meanwhile, Lewis has no idea what’s happening. Why is George late? Why is George colouring in? Why did George throw a duck plushie across the room? Why does it look like George has been crying?

You try to salvage the situation by asking if you can talk to Lewis outside, but that backfires because George realises you talking to lewis outside would mean you’re not inside with him.

Luckily Lewis seems to realise, somehow, what’s happening and his whole tone changes. He leans down to wear George is cowering under the table and asks if he can see George’s drawing, promising George that he’s sure it looks so cool.

Lewis briefly leaves to go force the team to make the debrief tomorrow, though not telling them why before he returns to you and George but this time, he brings Roscoe!

George has so much fun! Lewis colours with him and you feed him and Roscoe is always ready for pets and hugs!!

Lewis doesn’t even bring it up the next day, aside from telling George he had fun and that George can call him anytime if he needs someone to look after him and you’re not available.

[strangeinvader9]

MerMegs

Merfolk. A mysterious group of sea creatures you'd heard plenty of stories about. Stories of blood, death, violence, destruction, hatred, and finally peace. The war between your two races had come to an end a little more than two years ago so you really didn't expect to encounter one. Especially not how you did.

It was a nice, warm, sunny summer afternoon and you were at the marine wildlife rehabilitation center checking on the slowly improving health of a previously injured sea turtle. 

The turtle had been hit by a passing speedboat, the owner of the said boat nearly breaking down considering she was a co-worker of yours. Thankfully both were recovering from the incident when your walkie-talkie went off.

"What's the issue?" You answered.

"We got an injured animal in E3 we could really use your help with," your boss informed.

You groaned. Section E was where you held the bigger animals like dolphins, porpoises, belugas, and even sharks. They only ever called you to E if the animal was giving them trouble. I.e. trying to bite or chase them away. "Fine, but someone needs to finish feeding Nessy while I'm working with them," you responded.

"Taylor is on his way."

Standing, you headed to section E. Most of the tanks were currently empty minus a few manta rays previously caught in a fishing net, a few eels, and your current guest in tank 3. Climbing to the top, you didn't immediately see the injured animal so you decided to do what you do best in these times; sit on the pier and wait for them to come to you. You knew better than to go looking for an injured or sick animal, they were likely to attack out of fear or discomfort.

After a few minutes, you felt something brush your leg. First contact. Let's see if they stick around. You thought, ignoring the feeling for now. Feeling it again a few seconds later, you knew they were aware of your presence and wanted you to know of theirs. Whatever had touched you felt smooth yet rough which meant scaly. Probably a bull shark. You thought. Imagine your surprise when you looked under the pier to have two bright red eyes staring back at you. That's not a shark. It took you a moment to realize you were staring at human eyes. But….the skin was grayish. Was he sick?  Looking further down, you became aware of the very toned muscles in his arms, shoulders, and chest. Not bad looking if I say so myself. You thought with a slight smile. Something brushing the top of your upside-down head brought your attention to a red and grey scaled tail with a long gash down the side. And then it all clicked. "You're a mer!" You exclaimed in surprise to which the being nodded. "Cool! I'm (y/n). I'm a vet here at the MWRF. Believe me, I don't want to do anything you're uncomfortable with but your tail is injured. Will you let me take a look?" You held your hands by your head. "No touching required and you'll be able to see them at all times."

The mer stared at you. Admittedly it was unnerving, but simultaneously his red eyes were pretty.

"Megatron," he finally stated, causing you to grin.

"Well hi there, Megatron. Can I look you over now?"

"From up there?"

"Well, right now this is your territory and I don't want to intrude."

Megatron looked thoughtful before swimming up closer for a proper examination. 

The gash was shallow but long. It wasn't bleeding anymore, but it probably still hurt. "You'll need stitches, mainly because of how long it is. It's not bleeding and there are no signs of infection so we should be able to get you out of here quickly," you informed him. 

"You're not afraid."

"Should I be?"

"I'm…..uncertain."

"Well, if you feel the need to threaten me, I'm sure I'll deserve it. Any chance you can climb up here so I can stitch you up?"

Megatron blinked, caught off guard and baffled by your behavior. Why weren't you afraid? Know you nothing of his kind? Of him? Not to mention you'd grinned at him. You were weird which made him curious. Climbing onto the pier, he let you work on his tail, smirking as you marveled at how big he was.

"I feel so tiny right now. You could so easily push me into the water or even drown me with the tip of your tail alone. Very powerful, and pretty by the way," you remarked absently.

Megatron swore you were gonna fry his brain. Why the pit were you being so nice? He couldn't smell any kind of chemical change that would indicate illness, not that he knew what you normally smelled like, so were you just weird? Or was this normal behavior for you?

Grabbing your med kit, you quickly got to work, cleaning, disinfecting, and stitching up the gash. "There. All done. You're free to swim off now," you announced.

"Why help me?" Megatron queried. 

"Uh, you're in a rehabilitation facility?"

"You could have left me to die."

"Oh. Oh, you mean people. Well, that's what we do. We rescue marine life, get them better and let them go about their lives. You're no different. Besides, to someone like me, you're not some mindless beast. You're an intelligent being and I'll treat you like an equal, even if you could squish me with your tail fin."

You definitely had his interest now. And Megatron was determined to figure you out. Even if that meant seeing you after he was released.

[meaningofmotorsport]

Bahrain Grand Prix Review

The season is underway, and began with a promising opening race. Yes, it wasn’t thrilling throughout, yet you can never complain when there is a great battle for the lead, and plenty of overtaking besides that. These regulations do seem to have worked as intended, we were never going to have Hollywood races every weekend, instead, it is just producing more opportunities for drivers to pass slower cars.

It is rather incredible to witness the rebirth of an icon of the sport, as Ferrari have been resurrected by these wholesale changes in the rules. All last year, we were talking about the potential of Ferrari using this to vault up the grid, but I don’t think we believed it would go this well for them. Major respect has to be given to Binotto and his fellow management, for motivating the team through some tough times, under all the pressure they had. As for the drivers, they did their job too, with Leclerc stepping into an unofficial lead role at the team, which will likely be contested all year, and taking the fight to Max all weekend. He really is looking like the favourite for the title right now. Sainz did have a tough weekend, not able to get near Charles at any point. He will surely bounce back though in the coming races. The rest of the season is an unknown for Ferrari, as it is for every team, but momentum is truly on their side.

They may not have finished there, but Red Bull had the second fastest car all weekend. It was expected that they wouldn’t be able to match last years pace, just as a result of putting so much effort into 2021, so it is impressive to see their pace at the moment. Verstappen was picking up where he left off, leading the team, and taking the fight to an arguably faster Ferrari, but he couldn’t topple them. That wasn’t the worst of it though, as the team suffered major reliability issues, both with steering racks, and apparently fuel pumps, which caused both drivers to retire. Perez had been doing excellently until then, hounding Sainz for the last spot on the podium. These issues not only cost them a huge bag of points, but highlight some potential issues for the rest of the season. Maybe this will be where the focus on 2021 hurts them!

After no one believed them for the past few weeks, the reality of the situation has dawned on the paddock, and wider sport, as Mercedes are truly the third fastest car right now. Porpoising is the problem, and when they fix it, I do think Ferrari and Red Bull have a challenge on their hands. Bearing all that in mind, they did all they could in the race, and may even count themselves lucky. Hamilton drove just as anyone would expect, maximising the car, and helping the team move forwards. Russell’s pace was very impressive, as he pretty much matched Lewis over the stints, only slightly slower. This shows what a talent he could be in the future. Their performance in the coming races all hinges on whether they can fix the bouncing issue.

This weekend belongs to Ferrari; however, the feel good story was Haas, who are somehow 3rd in the constructors right now. They have Magnussen to thank for that, who came back to the sport all guns blazing, and was almost challenging the Mercedes. This has given him another chance to advertise his talents, and he probably won’t be leaving Haas for a few years now. Schumacher was overshadowed by his teammate, and even accounting for the contact and spin with Ocon, he should have done better in the race probably. Let’s just hope he is taking time to get to terms with the new car, which we have seen be the case in the past. Will this be a one off for the team? There is the argument, that during testing, Haas got more running in representative conditions due to freight issues, which may have elevated their pace. That being said, I can’t see a huge drop in pace from them by the next race.

Alfa Romeo, just like Haas, have had a turn around over the winter, to go from the back to the front, and I don’t think it is a coincidence that all 3 Ferrari powered teams made huge gains over the break. Bottas will surely be glad that Mercedes dopped him now, as he will get so much more respect from the fans for finishing 6th in an Alfa Romeo, than being beaten by Lewis in a Mercedes. We always knew he had a lot of talent, he just wasn’t quite on a level with Lewis. Just as impressive was Zhou, who managed to just get some points on his debut. Not only was his pace solid, but he was able to pass cars, and said that he gained a lot of confidence on the brakes during the race. Hopefully the rest of his season goes better than Tsunoda’s last year.

Alpine were firmly in the points for most of the race, and it does look as though the battle between them, Haas, Alfa Romeo, and AlphaTauri could be brilliant this year. Ocon did not cover himself in glory with his move on Mick, but recovered to beat Alonso, which is never a bad result. Otherwise, it was a quiet race for them. As I mentioned, AlphaTauri were battling for the points in the race, and Tsunoda did manage to bag some, despite the issues for Gasly. If he can be more consistent this year, and not crash as much, AlphaTauri look to have a great car underneath them.

I don’t even know what to say about McLaren, as even with the brake issues, no one thought it would be this bad for them. We have no idea how deep these issues are, and whether we will only see it at Bahrain, however, I don’t feel confident about the rest of their season. This is not what either Lando or Daniel signed up for.

It is a similar story for Williams and especially Aston Martin, who look equally as deflated as McLaren. They seem to have missed the design of the cars by a fair way, which it was hoped would not happen with the new regulations. On the other hand, it could just be them not being used to the car yet, but that might just be wishful thinking.

Looking back at my pre-season pecking order a week ago, my gut was correct for the front half of the field, but way off on the rest. That just shows how big these rule changes were, and it has really left some teams scratching their heads. On to Saudi Arabia next, where the chaos could be turned up to another level, on that tight, high speed circuit.

-M

[whump-place]

Adopted.

12-Collar Part 2.

Masterlist.

Star didn't understand why they had reacted that bad. They were supposed to be pretty; kicking and crying away from their owner wasn't pretty.

"Master? I... I think..." They didn't want to, without their collar they were nothing but a stray, but Master was so tired, all because they are a bad Pet. "I want you to take... Take the collar. I can be good."

"Are you sure?"

No, they weren't. They wanted to keep the collar, they wanted to be Master's property forever, and never be left to die alone again.

"Yes. I promise I can last all day without it."

Star wished they hadn't seen Master's happy smile. They wished they could take back their words. But what kind of misbehaved Pet would they be if they did that?

Master said that was too extreme, but that he was proud of them for trying and instead let them wear a necklace. It was pretty, but it wasn't what a Pet should be wearing. A Pet should be wearing a collar to show they are owned, a Pet without a collar could be mistaken for a human.

And a human could be left alone because they can take care of themselves.

"You are really brave, Star. I'm so happy." It was worth it. Master is happy, they have fulfilled their only porpoise. "If you think that you can't make it you can change back to a collar, okay? I won't be angry. And no matter what happens, I promise next week we will go shopping."

"Y-your promise?" Star's eyes betrayed them, they were crying, and they were sure all of their makeup had been ruined by now.

"Of course, dear. You've worked so much. Now go back to your room, okay? And please call Ray."

They nodded. Master said they were doing good, and they would get a reward. Star can keep being good.

Oh, but they can't.

"I thought you said Master would buy you that waterproof makeup. You look worse than usual."

"He wants to see Ray..."

"I'm sure he does. He needs a lesson already." Liam can have a silver tongue when he wants to, and Star knows it's just because he is scared. Scared to be crying, hiding under the cupboard, just like he did last time.

Still, it didn't make them feel any better.

Star tried to remember how they all reacted. How they were good. Maybe they could learn a thing or two from their siblings.

Well...

Ray cries. And Master hugs him, because he doesn't wanna be abandoned; because he wants to be part of this family. He's weak for a guard dog.

Liam runs and hides. Sometimes he even breaks things, because he is scared of being sold off; because he can't stand the thought of not being enough.

Leo hurts himself. His skin is like a canvas where he can cut and burn until he's crying in Master's lap; because they want to be useful, and they aren't useful if they aren't crying on the floor.

And Amy... What would be Amy's weakness? How would she react? Would she cry? For some reason, Star didn't want her to be sad, or scared. They never had a problem with watching their other siblings crying or on the edge of being self-destructive.

Those thoughts help them to get to their room without breaking down in the hallway. They wanted nothing but to fall asleep on their soft bed, wrapped up in blankets, protecting themselves until the next day.

But when they reached the doorknob, and saw Amy staring at them, all the strength in their legs vanished. Soon, they were crying, curled up against Amy's chest. They were pathetic. They were weak. They couldn't be a good Pet, and Master would soon realize.

Star was lost in their mind, they didn't even realize they had torn up the necklace Master had gifted them, tearing it away from their neck.

They would never be good.

Taglist:

@sola-whumping

@octopus-reactivated

@otterfrost

@taterswhump

@risk606

@watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees

@silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@paperprinxe

@jennyyy007

[thegoodduckfan]

...cause they outsmarted Scrooge McDuck!

I’m only an old man, I guess! Too old to keep up with the new tricks!

Just a poor old man that remembers the old tricks!

Yes! I remember the old tricks!-----Like the time in Bagdad—

Well, never mind! Let’s go down there and congratulate our my new-rich neighbors!

I’d congratulate ‘em with a box of spoiled eggs!

Unca Scrooge is up to something!

Hadn’t we better go into town and file a claim on this money?

Yeah — but wait! Here comes old Scrooge! Let’s see what’s on his mind!

Boys, I came to offer my best regards! You outsmarted me – and did it fair!

You mean you ain’t mad at us?

Certainly not! I admire brains —and you boys have got ‘em!

I had brains, too — in the old days! But now I’ve got a head like a soft tomato

Hee! Hee!

Could you find it in your hearts to grant a poor old man one little favor?

Well — maybe!

It’s just that I’d like to have one last swim in this money before you haul it away!

You swam in that stuff?

Every day for years! It’s the only pleasure I ever had!

Well, if that ain’t one for the book! Go right ahead!

Zoom

If I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t believe it!

Watch how I dive around in it like a porpoise!

And see how I burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

Say, that looks like it’d be fun!

It is! It’s your money now! Why don’t you dive into it and learn how to enjoy it?

The old boy’s got something there!

Last one in’s an honest man!

Zoom!

C r a c k

How odd! The Beagle Boys bounced like they’d hit a solid wall!

And feel those heads — like soft tomatoes! They'll be unconscious for weeks!

Months! And to think it happened to them before they could go to court and claim my money! Tsk! Tsk!

Unca Scrooge, how come you dived all the way from the bluff, and you didn’t get hurt?

Well, I’ll admit — it’s a trick!

Now let’s get bulldozers and trucks and haul this money back onto my land! Hi-de-ho!

So uncle Scrooge gets all his money back, and things are again as they were!

If you don’t mind, uncle Scrooge, the kids and I would like to get paid off now and go home!

Oh, no! Not yet!

I haven’t had time to tell you what comfort you’d get out of a fortune like mine!

If you’ve got comfort, I’ll take vanilla! Shut up and pay off!

You may not know it, uncle Scrooge, but your billions are a pain in the neck! You’re only a poor old man! Good-bye!

Bah! Kid talk! No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while!

And I like to dive around in my money like a porpoise!

And burrow through it like a gopher!

And toss it up and let it hit me on the head!

hi im sorry about the misunderstanding earlier but i am not rombucks and you are not him either. you can't just go around accusing people... only a poor old man would do that...

Listen to 'em braggin' down there! Braggin' be