#he did not keep the party hat on long after this picture

[shaeeldera]

This (not so) little man is a whole year old! I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I found a wet hankie of a kitten in a raccoon trap, he but through my thumbnail, and I brought him home. He’s gotten so big and he gets along with Newt and Tank, and I love his little head. Happy Birthday, Chipotle!

[pedrospatch]

a safe haven | three

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: You and Joel get to know each other better and the two of you share a private moment out behind the barn under the stars; an unexpected guest shows up to the party; Tommy gives Joel a second and final warning about you.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. (TW) MENTIONS AND IMPLICATIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. alcohol consumption, mutual pining and yearning, Joel sings to reader a bit (that is its own warning), soft Joel, overprotective Joel, and a slight hint of jealous Joel. Tommy seems like kind of an asshole but he’s just trying to look out for his brother, okay?

word count 6.6k

About an hour later, after tossing back about three or four bottles of Seth’s crappy beer, you’d started feeling a lot livelier and a lot more like yourself. It was a glass of his delicious, oak-barrel aged whiskey that you had wanted more than anything, but with Esther over at the bar openly flirting up a storm with Joel Miller, you pushed down the desire for scotch and settled for the bitter lager instead.

It tasted awful, but it did the job well enough. The best part was that the bottles of beer were all readily available in coolers all around the barn, and you didn’t need to go up to the bar to get one. 

The last thing you’d wanted was to find out what was going on between Esther and Joel.

“And the next thing you know, poor John is being chased all around the chicken coop by a bunch of broody hens!” Martha finishes her story, throwing her hands up in the air. “God, I wish I would’ve had a camcorder in hand. It was the funniest thing I ever did see in almost two damn decades.”

Everyone sitting around the table bursts into a fit of loud, hearty laughter.

“Oh okay, so then that would probably explain why there weren’t many eggs in stock at the market the other morning,” you tease, only fueling the commotion.

John glares at you, and you shrug innocently, fighting back another laugh. Six foot two with big, broad shoulders and arms, you found it both very difficult and very amusing to picture the bulky blond man being chased around by a flock of pissed off chickens.

“I’d really like to see any of you guys try and take a broody hen’s eggs away from her with ease!” John huffs out before taking a gulp of his beer. He’s red in the face, and it’s hard to tell if it’s from the alcohol or the embarrassment. “Assholes.”

Martha leans over, whispering, “See? I told you it would make him mad.”

You giggle, lightly shaking your head at her. “Talk about ruffling some feathers, huh?”

She snorts into her plate of potatoes, jabbing her elbow into your side. “Let’s stop before he really gets all riled up, or else we’re going to get an earful.”

“Oh come on, John. Lighten up,” you grin over at him from across the table. “I know what’ll make you feel better. You guys want to hear a really, and I mean really embarrassing story?” You pause for a second or two, just long enough for everyone to nod eagerly. “Let me tell you about what Stella did to me the other day in her stall when I tried to take her temperature, it was absolutely awful. Okay, so there I am about to—”

“Sorry to interrupt you folks, but do you all mind if we steal this sweet little lady here for just a minute or two?” The sound of Tommy Miller’s smooth, deep voice causes you to stop abruptly mid-sentence. You glance over your shoulder only to see him approaching the table. He’s closely followed by Maria, who had traded her usual patrol duty attire for a light blue denim dress that sat off of her shoulders, the flowing skirt falling just above knees. Her white cowboy hat matches her husband’s.

“Aw c’mon, Miller! She was just about to tell us a story!” Peter, Martha’s husband, exclaims as he drapes his arm around his wife’s shoulders

Tommy chuckles, shaking his head. “I promise we won’t keep her too long, alright?”

You immediately notice that he’s holding a drink in each hand, each glass filled almost to the rim with a bold, rich amber liquor over ice. The only reason that you’d immediately known one of the two drinks was meant for you was because Maria had just discovered that she was pregnant. It was still a secret that very few people knew about, but the minute she confirmed it with a pregnancy test earlier that month, she’d come running to your door to tell you. It’s the reason she’s been avoiding booze all evening—she’s been sipping on lemonade all night instead. 

“Excuse me,” you nod politely to the group of friends you’d been sitting with and stand up from the table. You follow Tommy and Maria over to a far corner of the barn where the three of you could talk somewhat privately. Accepting the glass from Tommy, you offer him a grateful smile, pleased that you’d gotten the drink you had wanted after all. “Thank you.”

“‘Course.” He nods and tips the brim of his cowboy hat to you in his typical, gentleman-like manner. He’d never lost an ounce of those Texas manners.

Maria loops her arm through his. “Well, it looks like tonight was a real success,” she states as she glances around the room, her pride written clearly across her face. “Wouldn’t you say so?”

“Absolutely,” you agree, enthusiastically. You smile again and lift your glass to the couple as you toast, “Another year and another success. Here’s to many, many more to come.”

“Cheers to that, little lady,” Tommy grins and lifts up his glass, clinking the rim of it to yours before taking a generous drink, nearly draining it in one single gulp. “Thanks for stoppin’ by earlier and helpin’ set the place up, by the way. We really appreciate it.”

You wave your free hand at him. “Oh, no need to thank me at all. You already know that I was more than happy to help out,” you tell him as you take a careful sip of whiskey. The hard liquor burns its way down your throat in the sweetest way. Taking another sip, you turn to look at Maria, unable to help yourself from admiring her gorgeous, natural glow. “How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad,” Maria replies with a smile, placing her free hand over her flat stomach. At only a few weeks along, she still had quite a long way to go before she began to show. “Just a little bit of morning sickness here and there, but so far, so good.” She pauses and leans her body into Tommy’s side. “I never thought I’d be having a baby in my forties,” she muses with a laugh. “I thought that train had left the station a long time ago. But I guess life had something else planned for me.”

“For us,” Tommy corrects, playfully nudging her.

“For us,” Maria echoes, giving him a loving kiss on his cheek. “Luke calls it a geriatric pregnancy. He told me I’m automatically considered high risk, due to my age and all. But we’re hoping it’ll go smoothly.”

You detect the genuine concern behind her optimistic smile and reach out, gently touching her arm. “I’m sure it will all turn out fine. You just have to make sure that you’re taking good care of yourself and getting plenty of rest.” You point a finger at her, wagging it back and forth. “So, that means no more patrol duties for you, Mrs. Miller.”

“Oh I know,” she laughs again. “I’m on light work duties starting next week and in a few months, it’ll be strict bed rest for me. At least, that’s what Luke recommended, but I’m hoping to stay on my feet for a little bit longer than that.” She tilts her head curiously to the side as she looks at you. “Speaking of Luke, is he around? We haven’t seen him at all tonight.”

Throat bobbing, you grip your glass tightly in your hand. The corners of your mouth threaten to turn downward, but you manage to hold your smile well enough.

At this point, you had pretty much lost track of the number times you’d been asked about Luke.

Where is he? Why isn’t he here with you? Do you think there’s a chance he’ll show up tonight? Can’t you go home and convince him to join us? 

You just about loathed the way he was considered to be a hero in Jackson. The way that every single person in the community adored the man to pieces made you sick to your stomach—Luke was anything but a hero, but nobody knew that. Not a single soul knew the real him, the monster that emerged behind closed doors, the terrible things he did when no one was around.

There had been an occasion or two where you had considered going to Tommy and Maria about it, to tell them all about the horrors that went on within the walls of your home. But even when they’d point out a bruise on your arm or a scrape on your cheek, you would lose the courage and chalk it up to a clumsy accident or injuries sustained while on the job—hell, just a few months ago, you’d blamed an injured shoulder on Ranger, telling Tommy that his beloved stallion had accidentally kicked you during one of your routine examinations. You wanted nothing more than to tell him that it hadn’t been his horse who put you in a sling for three weeks, it had been Luke. But how the hell could you do that?

Luke is the commune’s physician. The commune’s only physician. 

Besides the two older nurses who worked in the clinic along with him, he was the only medically trained professional who knew how to treat severe injuries, perform minor surgeries, and diagnose illnesses—as much as you hated to admit it, Jackson needed him. If you told Tommy and Maria about everything that he’d done to you over the last two years, then you’d risk getting Luke locked up in the town jail, or possibly even thrown out and exiled from the settlement. What would that mean for the people in the community who fell ill or became injured and needed a doctor?

Maybe he wasn’t a hero to you, but to everybody else, he was. People could die without him and his medical knowledge. Hell, Maria would need Luke now more than ever now that she was pregnant.

For as much as you wanted to tell them the truth about him, you just couldn’t find the guts to do it, not when the decision would impact every single person in Jackson.It would be too selfish.

So, you kept quiet and continued to let it happen because what else could you do? 

Nothing. 

There wasn’t a goddamn thing you could do about it.

Tommy says your name, snapping you back out of your thoughts. “Hey, you alright?” he asks you as he gingerly touches your shoulder. “You zoned out on us for a minute there.”

You blink. “Yeah sorry, I’m alright. Um, Luke decided to stay at home and get some rest,” you reply as you shift awkwardly from boot to boot, feeling a sudden heat flood your face. “He’s been working a lot of hours at the clinic and making house calls as well, so he’s just been really tired, you know?”

“Oh, well that’s too bad,” Maria frowns. “Tommy and I were hoping we could say this to the both of you together, but I suppose you’ll have to give him the message on our behalf when you get home to him later tonight.”

You shoot her a puzzled look. “What is it?”

“We know we don’t say this as often as we should, but you and Luke do so much for us. So much for Jackson,” Tommy says, sincere gratitude dripping from his tone. “We’re damn lucky to have the two of you here. Me and Maria, and everyone in this community, we’re all deeply indebted to both of you for all you do.”

You stare at him. “Everyone here works very hard, Tommy—”

“Now, I ain’t saying they don’t,” he interrupts you by holding up his hand. “But let’s be honest here. Luke, he takes good care of all of our people, you take good care of all of our horses—people and horses, that’s what keeps this place runnin’ like a well oiled machine and you know it just as well as we do. Without the both of you lookin’ after our two most important resources, I ain’t all too sure where the hell this place would be.”

Maria nods in agreement with her husband and squeezes his arm. “Oh, don’t be so modest,” she remarks upon seeing the bewildered expression on your face. “He’s right. And we need you to know how much we appreciate everything the two of you do for this community.”

Tommy grins, raising his glass in a toast. “To you and Luke.”

Stomach churning, you flash them your very best smile and lift your own glass, clinking it against his and then to Maria’s bottle of lemonade. “Well, I will certainly give him the kind message when I get home tonight. Thank you.” You take a quick sip of your drink, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. The room feels hot, like it had been lit on fire and you were standing too close to the flames. “It’s starting to feel a bit warm in here. I’m going to go outside for a minute to get some fresh air. Excuse me.”

Before either of them can utter another word, you spin around on your heel and hastily make your way across the barn towards the exit, being careful not to bump into the dancing couples on the dance floor along the way. Even as you hurried out, you’d caught sight of Ellie sitting with Dina at one of the tables, digging into her plate full of barbecue. Dina had leaned over and whispered something into Ellie’s ear and Ellie let out a loud, obnoxious cackle through a mouthful of food.

Despite the circumstances, you can’t help but smile—an actual, genuine smile this time around.

At least Ellie seemed to be having a good time.

That’s more than enough for you.

Joel glimpses over Esther’s shoulder. 

His eyebrows pull together in a mixture of confusion and concern as he watches you practically run out of the barn alone with a drink clutched in your hand and a strange expression on your face—you appear to be upset over something.

The blonde in front of him had been going on and on about where she was from, although he hadn’t quite been listening to her the entire time she had been talking—or at all. 

Had Esther said Vermont? Or maybe it had been Virginia?

Joel wasn’t all too sure, but he didn’t care enough to ask her to clarify. Besides, his thoughts were far too busy preoccupied with someone else. Someone he needed to make sure was alright.

“Listen Esther, s’been real nice talkin’ to you,” he states as he offers the woman the most polite smile he can possibly muster up for her. He tries to ignore the awkward way she’d pouted her lips at him, a sad, disappointed look flashing in her eyes. “But I’ve gotta go and take care of somethin’ for a minute. Will you excuse me?”

He doesn’t even give Esther the chance to respond. Setting his drink down on the counter, he gives her a quick nod goodbye and steps around her. He starts towards the barn’s exit, but before leaving, he tosses a quick glance in Ellie’s direction just to make sure she’s still doing okay without him. He had been keeping a close and watchful eye on her from the bar the entire time. After a while, it soon became apparent to Joel that Ellie had been doing just fine. She’s scarfing down another heaping helping of bison and potatoes, grinning from ear to ear as she talks with Dina, who seems to be enjoying her company despite her poor table manners.

Joel steps outside into the night and he takes a look around, searching for you among the small, scattered groups of people who stood mingling with one another. Gossiping women, drunk and rowdy patrolmen, children running around—he jumps slightly as a giggling little redheaded girl who can’t be older than five circles around his legs with a curly haired boy who is about the same age chasing after her. He lightly shoos them away from him and they take off running in another direction.

He scans his surroundings once more.

You’re nowhere to be found.

Humming, Joel glances down.

He notices a long trail of footprints left behind by what had to be a pair of cowboy boots, similar to the ones you’d been wearing. The strange way in which they veered off in a random direction away from the rest of the crowd tips him off almost a bit too easily—he knows they belong to you. Without giving it a second thought, he starts to follow your tracks and they lead him all the way around to the back of the barn.

That’s where Joel finds you, leaning against the wooden paddock fence. You’re back is to him, your head tilted upwards. Your gaze seems to be lost somewhere up in the velvet, purple night sky and you’re swaying along to the pretty country melody that, even outside, can still be heard coming from inside the barn.

Turn around, a sound voice in the back of his mind tries to reason with him. Go go back inside.

He ignores it, his legs moving forward, eager to close the distance between the two of you.

The sound of his heavy boots crunching on the rocks in the dirt as he draws closer to you causes you to jump. Whirling around, you gasp and your free hand flies to your chest.

“M’sorry,” Joel quickly apologizes, holding up both his hands to show you he’s not a threat. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Joel?” You’re surprised to see him.  “What are you doing out here?”

The area out behind the barn is just as dark as it is secluded, however, the moon is full, big, and bright, its silvery glow illuminating each and every single one of your features in such a beautiful way that it makes his throat go dry, just like it had earlier that evening when he’d first seen you in that dress.

“Well ain’t that funny. I was actually just ‘bout to ask you the same exact question, darlin’.” He falls into step beside you, leaning back against the fence. “What are you doin’ out here all by your lonesome?”

“Oh, I just needed some fresh air, that’s all,” you reply with a small, light shrug of your shoulders. You turn back around, leaning your forearms on top of the wooden fence, both hands wrapped firmly around your glass of whiskey. You’re standing so close to Joel that your shoulder touches his, though neither of you make a move to put space in between your bodies. “What’s your excuse?”

“Needed a breather from Esther,” he confesses. 

It was partially the truth. 

He couldn’t tell you he’d really come outside to check on you.

“What do you mean? Didn’t you like her?”

“Don’t get me wrong, she’s nice and all,” Joel says, letting out a chuckle. He shakes his head. “She just ain’t the kind of company I’m lookin’ for tonight, y’know?” He pauses for just a brief second and crosses his arms over his chest, his sudden change in position causing his shoulder to press even closer against your own. “Tommy mentioned her to me when we were havin’ lunch together yesterday. Said he’d be willin’ to set us up, but I didn’t think his dumbass would actually follow through with it.”

Confused, you shoot him a strange look.

“I’d told him I wasn’t interested in meetin’ her, but Tommy’s always had a real habit of not listenin’ to me,” he remarks, shaking his head once again.

The question falls from your lips before you can even think about trying to stop it. “Why aren’t you interested in her?” you blurt. Awkwardly, you clear your throat and add in a nonchalant tone, “Esther’s gorgeous, Joel. Most guys around here would jump at the chance to be with her.”

“S’like I told you. She just ain’t the kind of company I’m lookin’ for tonight.”

“So then, what kind of company are you looking for?”

Joel hesitates, then answers honestly. “Yours.”

“Oh,” you breathe out, your heart skipping a nervous beat.

He tests the waters. “That alright to say?”

“Mhm,” is all you’re able to utter.

Fighting to take a steady, even breath, you clutch at your glass even harder. 

“Y’know, when I was on my way out here, I saw Ellie and Dina still sittin’ together,” Joel finally says after a minute or two, breaking the silence. “She honestly seems to be havin’ a real good time with her.” He nudges your shoulder with his own, a hint of amusement in his voice as he turns to you and asks, “Now tell me why I’ve got this strange little feelin’ that you had somethin’ to do with that?”

Your immediate expression of guilt prompts his grin. 

You’d been caught red handed.

“Okay, so I may or may not have talked to Dina earlier today while we were setting up the barn for the party. I asked if she could do me a favor and at least try and talk to Ellie tonight,” you admit, sheepishly. “I told her about how much Ellie reminds me of her, and how I thought they would get along.” You feel his dark eyes fix themselves intently on you and the heat creeps to your cheeks as you continue to explain yourself to him. It’s only just now occurred to you that perhaps you should have ran the idea by Joel—he’s her guardian and the last thing you want to do is cross his boundaries. “It took a little convincing, but she agreed. Dina can still be quite shy sometimes, but she’s a really good girl, Joel. I promise.”

Joel raises an eyebrow at you, letting his arms fall down to his sides. “Really? You did that?”

“Yeah. I did.” Anxiously, you take a long sip of liquor before adding, “I hope that’s okay.”

“‘Course it is, darlin’. I really appreciate you doin’ that for Ellie.” Joel’s gaze softens and meets yours with genuine sincerity. “I appreciate everythin’ that you’ve done for her. It means a lot to me. More than I can probably even explain.”

“I can tell how important she is to you.”

Joel nods. “Ellie’s the most important thing in the world to me.” He stops, exhaling a long, heavy sigh. “She’s been through a whole lot—a hell of a lot more than anyone her age should have to go through.” Once again, he pauses momentarily, trying to keep his emotions in check. He swallows harshly and subconsciously leans closer towards you without realizing it. “Ellie, she ain’t my blood, but she’s my daughter. For a long time, I thought I couldn’t take care of her. I thought that I didn’t have what it takes to protect her.”

“And what about now?”

“Now that we’re here, I feel real different ‘bout it all. I finally feel like I can keep Ellie safe, y’know? Give her the life she deserves,” Joel states, sounding a bit relieved, almost like he’s only just now made the realization that things are different now—it’s not like it was while they’d been out on the road. Each day isn’t a fight for survival, a game of trying to stay alive long enough just to see the next. Sleeping in the dirt, watching her go hungry, seeing her have to wear the same dirty clothes for weeks at a time, those were all now things of the past.

Pulling yourself back from the fence, you glance up at him with a curious expression. 

“Ellie hasn’t told me all that much about what she’s gone through—about what either of you have gone through.” You catch sight of the worry that flashes in his eyes and reassure him, “And I don’t plan on asking because it isn’t any of my business. But in the short time I’ve gotten to know Ellie, I’ve already seen it in her eyes, Joel. It’s all there.”

“What’s there?”

“Every bad thing that’s ever happened to her.”

Joel hangs his head. “Jesus.”

And just like that, he somehow feels like a fucking failure all over again.

“I know that you’re worried about her, Joel. I don’t blame you, but you’re doing all that you can do,” you remind him, the kindness in your voice bringing him the warmth and comfort he’s been needing for far too long. “You’re here in the community now and she’s safe. That’s what matters—all the rest is going to fall right into place soon enough. Just give her a bit of time and don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”

Joel sighs. “I just want what’s best for her, y’know? Just like any normal parent would want for their kid.”

“And you are doing the best that you can, just like any normal parent would.” You reach out, gently placing your hand on his bare forearm, your thumb brushing his warm skin. Your mere touch sends a tingle up his spine, and he can’t help but wonder if the connection had done the same for you. “It’s easy to see how much you care about her. How much you love her.”

“I do love her,” he murmurs. It feels odd, almost foreign for him to say it out loud. Of course he loves Ellie, and although he’s fairly certain she knew that and she loved him too, those three specific words had never been exchanged between them, and he had a hunch they never would be. “All I want is to do right by her. After everythin’ she’s been through—I just want her to finally be happy.”

“That says a lot about the kind of man you are.”

Biting back a scoff, Joel shakes his head. He doesn’t want you thinking he’s a good person—you’d be horrified if you knew about all the blood that stained his hands, about all of the things he’d done in the last two decades to survive. He’d stolen, he’d destroyed, he’d murdered. He’d lied.

He was not a good man. 

Your hand drops away from his arm, a lot sooner than either of you would have liked.

“So, what’s your story?” he asks, deciding to switch the focus of the conversation onto you. “How’d you end up in good ol’ Jackson, Wyoming?” 

“You take another sip of your drink, which is now completely watered down by the melted ice in your glass. “Well, like I told you, I grew up in New Mexico on a horse ranch. It was me, my parents, and my little brother,” you start to explain. “After the outbreak happened, me and my family ended up in the Albuquerque QZ. We were there for quite some time, until there was a breach at one of the gates and the zone was overrun with infected.” You pause briefly as the memories of that night come flooding back. By now, you’ve repressed them enough that they don’t bring you to your knees the way they used to when you had been younger. “Me and my dad made it out alive, but my mom and my brother didn’t.”

Joel frowns. “Shit. M’real sorry, darlin’. I shouldn’t have asked—”

“It’s okay,” you assure him with a tiny nod. “After me and my dad made it out of the zone, we found this group of people who were heading east, trying to get to Boston. It wasn’t long before everyone started to get picked off one by one—by infected, raiders, and even slavers. Somehow, me and my dad survived all that, but we found ourselves alone again. We were starving, had no shelter, and winter was just around the corner. We honestly didn’t know what we were going to do, and even though neither of us ever said it to each other, we were both so sure we were going to die. But then Tommy and his patrol group came across us one night. Once we proved that neither of us were infected, he brought us in.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” Joel states. He never would have even guessed.

You just seemed so well put together.

“Haven’t we all?” You let out a humorless laugh.

A silence falls like a curtain over both of you, but it’s comfortable.

Tranquil. 

Although it had been a warmer night, it was now much later into the evening, and a chilly breeze whips its way through the settlement, whisking its cool and crisp fingers through your hair. It causes the white daisy you’d been wearing to fall, and the flower flutters to the ground, landing right in between Joel’s boots. Without giving it a second thought, he reaches down and picks it up, being careful as he gingerly dusts the dirt off of the delicate petals. He turns to you, tucking the flower back behind your ear. As his hand falls away from you, his index finger accidentally grazes the soft skin of your cheek, and every part of him floods with the burning desire to feel more of you.

“M’sorry ‘bout that,” he mumbles sheepishly.

“It’s quite alright,” you say—and you mean it. You can’t even remember the last time someone’s touch set you on fire like this. You’d been feeling cold and empty and numb for so long, and while all of the things that Joel’s making you feel had become almost foreign to you, they’re starting to reignite that spark of life inside of you that you thought you’d lost a long time ago.

From the inside of the barn, you and Joel hear the band begin to play their cover of Can’t Help Falling in Love. 

“Elvis, huh?” Joel muses with a hum. He sounds impressed.

You’re not sure if all the alcohol you’d been consuming throughout the evening has only now just decided to kick into full gear in your system or whether you really do just lack any kind of common sense, but you find yourself looking up at him shyly through your eyelashes. “How about another dance?”

His lips part slightly in surprise. “To this song?”

Every inch of your skin burns hot with embarrassment and your fingers curl tighter around your glass. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just that I really love to dance,” you sputter out nervously, wishing you had kept your mouth shut. You only dig yourself further into the hole as you continue to ramble. “Luke doesn’t like to dance. He never wants to dance with me—”

That’s all Joel had needed to hear.

He reaches for your glass, prying it out of your grasp. He sets it down on top of the fence and holds his hand out to you. “I’ll dance with you, darlin’.”

Looking up at him in surprise, you accept and place your hand in his. His other hand finds your waist and the two of you begin swaying along to the music—a smile that could light up the entire town breaks out across your face. 

Joel didn’t know Luke, but he couldn’t fathom how the man you were married to wouldn’t do just about anything to see that smile.

“Wait, I thought you couldn’t dance,” you tease, noticing that he’s leading you.

Flashing you a cocky grin, he shrugs. “Guess the kid was right. I ain’t so bad for fifty six with creakin’ knees.”

Remembering Ellie’s words from earlier, you throw your head back and laugh.

His stomach turns, twisting in a tangle of desire and nerves.

You’re married.

But that does nothing to stop the want, the need. 

For either of you.

Being in his arms, it’s wrong.

It’s more than an innocent dance—it’s the beginning of something that’s bound to lead to nothing but trouble and you both know it.

Joel continues to lead you and begins singing along to the familiar lyrics, quietly, but just loud enough for you to hear the sultry richness of his voice. “Like a river flows, surely to the sea,” he sings, subconsciously giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “Darlin’ so it goes, some things are meant to be.”

Impressed, you raise an eyebrow at him. “You’ve got a nice voice, Joel.”

“Y’think so?”

You nod. “I do. What, were you a singer in your first life or something?”

“Close.”

“Really? What did you do?”

“I was a contractor,” Joel replies, grinning as he elicits another sweet laugh from you. “Owned my own construction business with Tommy. I did enjoy singin’ though—and playin’ the guitar too. But it was a hobby more than anythin’ since I don’t think music would’ve paid the bills.”

You smile up at him. “Oh, well now you’re going to have to play the guitar for me sometime. Maybe even treat me to a whole song?”

“I still owe Ellie a song,” he remembers, shaking his head. “But I don’t have a guitar, so it gets me out of it.”

“Well then, we’re going to have to find you one and when we do, you’ll have to play something for us,” you tell him. “Deal?”

“Deal.” Joel agrees without thinking. He starts singing along to the lyrics again. “Take my hand, take my whole life too—” 

“But I can’t help falling in love with you.” You try not to laugh again at the shock on his face as you finished the lyric for him.

“Hey now, you’ve got a real nice voice yourself, darlin’.”

Darlin’. 

You shouldn’t let him call you that.

Out of respect for your husband, you should tell him it’s not okay. None of this is okay.

But it is okay. 

“Oh, now you’re just trying to flatter me, Miller,” you accuse him, playfully. 

The song ends and neither of you make a move to let go of one another.

Joel’s eyes fall to your pretty, plush lips and it takes every ounce of strength he has inside of him not to lean down and press his own lips against them.

Finally, he forces himself to let you go and takes a step backward, clearing his throat. “I should, uh—I should go and find Ellie so I can get her home. S’gettin’ kinda late.”

You nod, your heart slamming painfully against your sternum. “Of course,” you say, slightly breathless. “I’ll come along with you so I can say goodnight to her.”

As the two of you make your way around the barn and back towards the entrance, Joel sees a tall, slender man with short dark hair approaching. He’d called out your name and something inside Joel’s mind just clicks together—he knows exactly who the man is before you’ve even had a chance to open your mouth and say his name.

“Luke?” Stopping abruptly in your tracks, you stiffen and squeak out his name. “What—what are you doing here?”

“There you are, honey.” He comes up to you and immediately takes your arm, pulling you from Joel’s side and over to his. “Tommy told me you might be out here. I was just coming to look for you.”

It takes thirty seconds for Joel to size him up. Luke’s younger than himself, definitely closer in age to Tommy—somewhere around his mid to late forties. He’s a lot more clean cut than most of the other rugged men in the commune with his short, neatly kept dark hair and a clean shaven face. Though he’s on the thinner side, he’s in decent shape, but Joel’s wider, broader and far, far more intimidating.

“What are you doing here?” you ask again.

“Now, is that really how a loving wife should greet her husband?” Luke laughs, pulling you even closer into his side. 

Joel isn’t all too fond of the way he’s holding you. 

He’s rough, harsh.

“I decided to come and check it out. See what all the fuss is about,” Luke says. He glances at Joel, his green eyes giving him a once over—sizing him up, just like Joel had done to him. “Don’t be rude, honey. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friend here?”

You speak softly, almost too softly.

“Luke, this is Joel Miller.”

“Ah. You’re Tommy’s brother, right?”

Joel tries not to sound too curt, but fails. “That’s right.”

“Joel, this is Luke.” You can’t even look him in the eye as you introduce your spouse. “He’s my husband.”

Luke extends a courteous hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Joel.” His other hand finds and takes yours. “I do hope that my wife here hasn’t been bothering you tonight. She can be quite the little chatterbox. Makes me wish she came with a mute button sometimes.”

Joel’s dark eyes briefly flit to Luke’s hand holding yours, taking note of the way he’s gripping it so tightly that his knuckles had gone white. Between that and the comment he’d just made about you, Joel had every fucking desire to connect his fist to the side of Luke’s face.

“Luke, please,” you whisper, throwing him a tiny glare. 

“Oh come on now, honey. Where did your sense of humor go? You know I’m only joking,” Luke states, squeezing your hand a little harder, causing you to squirm.

Something tells Joel he’s not kidding around.

He’d meant what he had said.

“She hasn’t been a bother at all,” Joel speaks in your defense. “Actually, I came out here to talk to her and to thank her for bein’ so kind to my kid, Ellie. Your wife here, she’s been nothin’ but good to her since we arrived.”

“Well, as long as she wasn’t being a bother.” Luke glances down at you. “If you’ll excuse us, there’s a few people that I still need to see and say hello to inside. Come along, honey.” He glances at Joel, a strange glint in his eye as he tells him, “Welcome to Jackson, Joel.”

His jaw clenches as he watches him drag you into the barn.

Nothing about Luke sat right with him.

The way he’d spoken to you, touched you, treated you.

And then there was you.

The light had instantly left your eyes the second he’d come around. 

Something wasn’t right.

A rough hand on his shoulder startles him out of his thoughts.

“Really, Joel? Really? Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Tommy hisses, yanking him over to the side of the barn where nobody would overhear him. “What the fuck did I tell you yesterday in the mess hall?”

“The hell are you fuckin’ talkin’ ‘bout?”

His brother glares at him. “I know that you ain’t as fuckin’ dumb as you look, Joel. What the fuck were you doin’ out here alone with her? Huh?”

Joel purses his lips together tightly in silence.

What had he seen?

Having read his mind, Tommy shoves his shoulder. “You were dancin’ with her you fuckin’ asshole? Did you fuckin’ forget that she’s a married woman?”

Joel rolls his eyes at him and aggressively shoves his hand off of his shoulder. “We were just dancin’ together, alright? Ain’t like we were makin’ out, Tommy. Can you fuckin’ relax?”

“I don’t give a fuck, Joel! If I saw any man that wasn’t me dancin’ with Maria like that, I’d be fuckin’ pissed. I’d kick his fuckin’ ass,” he spits. “Her husband just showed up to the goddamn party. You’re fuckin’ lucky that it was me who saw you out there with her and not him. What if he’d seen you two? Then what?”

“Christ, Tommy. Relax,” Joel tries again to calm him. “It was just a dance, alright? It was nothin’ more than that. Okay?”

“You listen to me and you listen to me good, ‘cause I ain’t fuckin’ gonna say it again, big brother. Don’t go gettin’ any ideas ‘bout her. I don’t need you to go around stirrin’ up any kind of trouble,” Tommy says, his voice firm. “We can’t have that kinda shit here. Maria won’t tolerate it, and y’know what, I won’t either. Don’t fuckin’ cause problems. Got it?”

“Didn’t plan on it,” Joel mutters, bitterly.

Tommy narrows his eyes at him.

“Just fuckin’ watch yourself, Joel,” he warns. “I fuckin’ mean it.”

[rachalixie]

eight days of christmas carols - day 7

seungmin - santa tell me

to you, kim seungmin was - complicated, to say the least. he’s the picture perfect boy-next-door, wide and awkward braced smiles turning into the elegance with which he carries himself as the years passed by. 

you can’t remember when you first fell in love with him, but with every passing winter you fell harder and harder into his charm. from the neighborhood christmas parties that you only attended so that you could talk to him to the present he would drop off for you in the earliest hours of christmas morning, there wasn’t a single thing he did that turned you away from him. 

except for the fact that you didn’t know how he felt about you. 

when you were younger, you would write about him in the letters that other kids would wish for gifts in. santa, tell me, you’d pen, keeping your handwriting neat so that whoever received it would have no guesses as to what you wanted to know. does he really care?

now, you knew better. you knew he cared, he was your best friend in so many different ways. the lingering question remained, though, of whether he wanted more.

a question that kept you distant from him in times where you wanted nothing more but to melt into his stupidly boyfriend-shaped hoodies. times like right now, as you were hiding behind your decked christmas tree, peering out at the lingering crowd of party goers that were slowly leaving one by one as the christmas day passed. 

you find seungmin among them, his parents somewhere not too far, and he’s kneeling on the hardwood petting your dog who looks like he’s having the best day of his entire life. he’s smiling up at your parents while he scratches at your dogs ears, and they look so right together - like they were family. 

it’s not an uncommon sight, since your family held this party year after year. and year after year without fail, seungmin attended like he had nowhere else he would rather be, like he was where he belonged. 

you take an ornament into your hand, your oldest one that’s stayed with you almost as long as seungmin had. it was a plush snowman with a santa hat, threads along the edges fraying with age. 

santa tell me, you whisper to it, feeling a bit silly. is he really there? 

seungmin glances in your direction as if he heard you over the chatter in the room, a frown on his face as his eyes dart back and forth until they land on you. immediately, a smile takes over his features, his eyes brightening like the lights in front of you and his spine straightening in excitement. he holds a hand out to you, beckoning you over with not a single question of why you were hiding in your own home, and you know this is your sign. 

play it cool, you mutter to yourself as you detach your body from its position behind the tree. this was your chance. 

you approach him with a question on your lips that you hope above everything else he says yes to. 

—

carols masterlist

[theamazingdigitalraceway]

THE HALLOWEEN DLC

A RACEWAY AU CANON SPINOFF

WARNING: body horror, blood, gore, peril, suggestive, alcohol

~~~

"I have a very special announcement, my wonderfully wacky wallabies!" Caine floated overhead as everyone filed into the garage from their daily race. "According to my calendar, tomorrow is Halloween! And I know how much you all just LOVE your holidays!" An oversized monthly calendar appeared with pictures of Bubble posing with fancy cars. It flipped open to October, where the 31st was circled multiple times in red.

"OOO! The Halloween race! It's one of my favorites!" Ragatha clapped and bounced on her toes. "I can't wait to see what role you play, Loo!" She held her girlfriend's hand excitedly.

Loo smiled, "I've never been part of a spooky track before."

"And spooky it shall be! I even have fun costumes planned out for all of you this year! Along with tons of tricks and treats around every corner!" Caine tore the calendar in half and it exploded into a shower of candy and decorations that covered the inside of the garage.

Gangle shielded herself from the falling candy with her sketchbook. "There's not going to be a lot of jumpscares, will there?"

"Don't be a drag! What's a haunted track without jump scares to keep you on your toes?" Caine took a piece of candy off of Gangle's book and popped it in his mouth wrapper and all. "Don't worry, the people in the front of the pack will get them more than those in the back."

Gangle wasn't really reassured. She just looked at Zooble sadly, silently begging them to stay close to her on the track.

Pomni cringed. Of course there was a Halloween race. "Caine-"

"Yes, my dear?" He popped up in front of her, eager to hear what she had to say.

"Um, can I opt out tomorrow?"

Caine deflated, "Opt out?"

"Yeah, I don't really like horror, and I don't handle jumpscares that well." Pomni rubbed her arm anxiously. She could see the disappointment on Caine's face. "I'm sorry, but I'd just...rather not..."

Caine straightened up, taking Pomni's hand. "It's alright. All tracks are optional. If you'd you'd really rather not participate, you don't have to. There's always the next holiday."

"Thank you." She gave him a grateful smile.

Caine gazed back at her lovingly for so long, the others felt awkward witnessing it. Jax popped up between them. "So! How hard are you going on the scare factor this year? It's not going to be BORING, is it?"

Caine and Pomni separated with a simultaneous yelp. Pomni thumped Jax on the head out of reflex. "Don't do that! What did I just say about jumpscares!?"

Jax shoved Pomni away from him by her face. "Whatever, short stack."

Caine fixed his hat. "Now, now, I mustn't spoil too much! Part of what makes Halloween special is the surprise. With that said, rest up, everyone! Tomorrow is a big day!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke shaped like a pumpkin.

"Well, all of that sounds exciting." Gummigoo mentioned from his relaxed lean against the wall.

"Tch, you don't even know what Halloween is." Jax snarked.

"So? Still sounds fun. Unlike you, right now. You sound like a spoiled brat unwilling to let anyone have more excitement than you over this holiday." Gummigoo air quotes. "If you want to be a killjoy, save it for the track."

Jax's ears flatten in offense to Gummigoo's accusations and got in his face. "Listen here, you pile of gelatin-"

"Nah." Gummigoo pushed Jax back with a single hand and walked past him dismissively, leaving Jax stunned. Gummigoo sat next to Pomni and grabbed a handful of candy from one of the decorative bowls that appeared when Caine's calendar exploded. "You sure you don't want to race tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Gummigoo, but I really can't handle it unless it was a pretty tame family friendly event. Knowing Caine, I highly doubt it."

"If it's anything like last year," Zooble chimed in. "The track itself will be pretty intense."

"But the Halloween party after the race is a lot of fun." Gangle said. "It makes dealing with the race worth it. I mean, I'm sure you can still join the party even if you don't race, but it does feel more like a reward when you brave the track first. Like a yummy caramel apple after a haunted house."

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll just have the caramel apple." Pomni took a piece of candy offered to her by Gummigoo.

"Fair enough." Gangle shrugged.

~

Caine sorted through some digital files in his workshop. "Let's see...Pomni, Pomni, Pomni, AH! Here she is." He separated a piece of code and flicked it away, where it fizzled into nothing. "There, I removed her costume from the event. Since...she won't need it." He sighed.

Bubble appeared next to Caine, floating upside down. "Why the long face, boss?"

"It's nothing, Bubble." Caine zipped the Halloween file back up and looked out at the track prepared for tomorrow.

"Disappointed she won't see you're craftsmanship, huh? Are you building things just to impress her?" Bubble asked with a mischievous grin.

Caine clutched the file so tight, the file made an error sound. "No! I just- SHE- I'm- ....take this to the mainframe, would you?" He shoved the file in Bubble's mouth. "I've got some final prep to do." He floated away with an intense blush burning between his teeth.

"Wahevah oo shay, bosh." Bubble giggled.

There was a soft disturbance of static on an asset next to Bubble. A small arc jumped to the file between their teeth. The zipped file glitched, but Bubble took no notice as they teleported away. Bubble reappeared in a grey space with a giant pillar reaching endlessly into the blank sky, and going just as far out of sight downward. The static in the file buzzed excitedly. However, when Bubble teleported through the pillar wall, the static was left behind. The static buzzed angrily, snaking around the pillar and tried to force it's way in. The pillar's security was too strong. The static couldn't just go through. It needed to be weakened. Broken. The static arced out of sight.

Bubble spat out the file and it unzipped itself in the air. The code introduced to the mainframe was orange and black and purple, and jittered and glitched. "Oooo, nice effects, boss. Very aesthetic." Bubble left, their task complete.

The code of the entire game started to change. The colorful glitched code spread like a virus. A face appeared on the code, one of glowing eyes and sharpened teeth. The code erupted into red and orange fire, an evil laugh echoing through the pillar.

~

Pomni wasn't sure why she woke up. Her room was peacefully dark and quiet, so she rolled over to get comfortable again and tried to go back to sleep. A disturbance from one of the rooms next to hers made her ears perk. A pained moan came through the wall, much clearer this time. Pomni sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. More awake, she could tell it was coming from Gummigoo's room.

More moans and groans, but now they came from beyond her door. "What in the world?" Pomni got out of bed and stuck her head out to the loft. She looked both ways, hearing groans turn into grunts and some screams. Pomni jumps, slamming her door and locking herself inside. Her heart started to pound with panic. "Okay, I'm having a dream. That's it. Weird dream. Super weird-"

BANG!!

Something heavy hit her wall and roared. There was a comption from the other side, like fighting. Pomni backed up to her window, nearly hyperventilating. More crashing. More banging. More unworldly, animalistic sounds. Then, something was coming under her door. Sickly green ooze slid across the floor towards Pomni. The ooze had fragments of bones floating in it and it stunk with a strangely sweet vapor that burned Pomni's lungs. A large gator head rose from the ooze, dripping with the foul substance. Then another. And a third. All three heads opened their terrible maws and gave a hauntingly low moan.

Pomni was in tears, ready to jump out the window. "Gummigoo?? Oh god!"

The ooze advanced slowly, parts of it literally reaching out for her. The wall to Pomni's left exploded. A large, gangly rabbit beast crashed through, fighting tooth and claw with a beast made of mismatched limbs. The debris squished the ooze down, away from Pomni, but it was slowly working its way through the cracks and gaps.

The rabbit got the chimera by the neck with its teeth and threw it at Pomni, she ducked out of the way in time for it to break through the window and fall two stories to the ground outside. Pomni didn't stick around to identify this monster. She bolted for the new hole in the wall. The rabbit lunged to give chase, but fell flat on its face when one of its back lacks was stuck in the corrosive ooze seeping up from the debris pile.

The walls between multiple bedrooms were broken, furniture was upturned and smashed. "Anyone!? Help!" She tripped and nearly went face first into a desk, but she caught herself. The heavy rattling of chains sliding across the floor made her pause for only a moment, but it was long enough for her leg to be snagged by a thick chain.

A pile of chains and ropes clawed its way up the ceiling. A mangled kitsune mask with impossibly long teeth and glowing eyes stared back at her. Pomni fought the chain's hold. "No! Let me go!" Her cries were answered by more chains attempting to bind her.

Pomni's struggle was joined by laughter. Two disturbingly delighted voices from the shadows of the adjacent room came closer. A thin hand gripped the ceiling as the entering entity hand to duck. A woman far too tall with twisted limbs and mouths in places she shouldn't, grabbed at the chains holding Pomni.

The second laughing voice lumbered in as a broken mannequin. Her hair was thin and wild, her eye was sunken and covered in maggots. Her limbs hung by mere threads. Rotted stuffing fell from her like ash. "Play..." Rasped the broken doll.

As Pomni struggled, she realized the chains were trying to tie down her right hand specifically. In her panic, she had forgotten. She fought harder, but the chains were tightening and the drooling mouths of the tall monster woman were baring down on her. "Caine!"

The floor broke apart as another monstrous being entered the already crowded room. A massive worm covered end to end with realistic human eyes split the room in two. The rotten doll fell through and the woman covered in moths roared at the intruding worm. The worm roared back. It's front spitting open to reveal too many teeth and a large eye in the center. The worm attacked, shoving the tall woman back and digging into her stomach. The monster woman's stomach split open to reveal its own teeth and bit back. Monster blood sprayed the room as they struggled.

The chains around Pomni loss end as the mass of tangled chains slid away from the confrontation. Pomni kicked her legs and arm free and staying out of reach of the long grasping limbs of the mouth covered monster. The window in the room was already broken. Pomni snapped her hand and threw herself out the window.

She never hit the ground. Protective arms held her close as she was flown high above the garage. "Pomni! Thank goodness, I thought you changed too!"

"Caine!" Pomni hugged him tight, still shaking. "What's happening!? There are monsters everywhere!"

"I don't know, the whole game's gone sideways! I'm locked out of the mainframe and everything is glitching, look!"

Sure enough, the entire world around them was glitching out. Textures mixed and fanished into darkness. The default track was partly changed into a new track that resembled a haunted carnival, but parts of it disappeared at random. The monsters inside the garage broke out and scattered to the new world. All of them resemble her friends, but in the most grotesque ways

The start line was made of bones, topped with flaming skulls. The display was as bright and colorful as ever, juxtaposed to the grim sight of realistic human remains. Only one kart was at the ready: Pomni's.

Caine put two and two together. "I think...you need to race."

"WHAT!? No way! Do you even see the state of the track!?"

"It's unstable because there are no racers. The race has been activated but no one is playing. I think, if you just run the course and complete the programmed task, things should go back to normal."

"You THINK??"

"I can only make an educated guess, Pomni! This has never happened before! I- I don't know what else to do!" He pleaded with her.

"You do it!"

"I can't! I'm not a designated racer!"

Pomni took deep breaths. "I swear, of this is all an elaborate prank to get me to participate in Halloween-"

"I swear on my life, it's not. This is a perversion of my vision! Everything is...wrong. Please, Pomni. I need your help."

Pomni looked out at the game half falling apart, then Caine. The sincerity in his eyes told her he was telling the truth. "Okay...I'll do it."

"Oh, thank you!" He pressed his bottom teeth to her forehead in a grateful kiss. "My brave racer, thank you! Let's get you geared up." He teleported with her to the start line and set her down. He snapped and her tracksuit changed into tan pants, mudded boots, and a brown leather jacket. She kept her jester hat, but gained large giggles and a satchel for accessories. Pomni looked down at herself. "Is this really necessary?"

"If we want the program to finish, we have to complete the task in it's entirety. Besides, you look great." Caine crossed his arms, proud of the movie action hero inspired get up.

Pomni sighed, letting it go. "Alright. Let's get this over with." When she got in her kart, the track stabilized. Everything gradually changed to the overboard Halloween aesthetic, with only a few small glitches here and there.

Caine twirled his cane, but instead of holding up to his mouth to make his announcements, he dropped it. He felt...strange. A violent vibration from his very core made him clench and cringe in pain.

"Caine? Caine, are you okay!?"

Caine's teeth clenched and his body glitched as he screamed in agony.

"Caine!?"

Caine's head went orange and morphed into a giant pumpkin. His clothes became more elaborate. The tips of his fingers sharpened and dug into his new head as his muffled screams continued. Suddenly, the pumpkin split apart with a burst of red and gold fire. White fire eyes burned bright as the screams became maniacal laughter. "Finally..."

Pomni could only stare in shock and disbelief. She felt a chill when the new Caine looked down at her, then screamed when he teleported right in front of her.

"Already afraid? Good." Caine's voice was ghostly and hissed like blazing fire.

"Caine..? Are you...still you?" Pomni sat as far back as she could from the pumpkin head in her space.

"Of course I am, my dear." He dragged a clawed finger down her jaw, then pushed her chin up with the sharp point, forcing her to look up at him. "But I've realized there's no point in wasting such a perfectly good track. Especially now that I have you all to myself. I want to play a game."

"Caine, this isn't funny. Just-"

Caine roughly gripped her chin. "Oh, but it is. You, my lone racer, will run my course. Survive three laps and you shall be rewarded." His blazing eyes very obviously ogled her. "Fail..." He chuckled darkly, "And it's game over."

Pomni's eyes went wide. "What happens..?"

Caine leaned in close, lowering his voice to a haunting whisper. "Have you even thrown a kitten a wall so hard you split it's little head in two?"

"What the- NO! What do you- ...the exit is broken....oh god." Pomni realized.

Caine flew away from her, laughing and spinning in the air. His high collar, blood red coat flared out, showing his black and orange striped corset vest. His gold ascot and cumberbun accented a black dress shirt and pants. His typical shoes where long, knee-high boots with raised heels. The only part of him Pomni recognized was the black and white checkered pattern on the inside of his coat.

"Don't get caught! Don't delay! For there is more than mere tricks on this track! If you die in the game, you die in real life! Your friends will be doomed to roam my labyrinth forever! RACE! FOR! YOUR! LIFE!!" Caine's shrill laugh was echoed by the stands of broken and mangled NPCs.

Pomni's kart started without her promoting it. She was out of options. Race or die. The rush was already coursing through her avatar. She wasn't shaking anymore, she was determined. Her back was against the wall. Her friends were counting on her. She gripped the steering wheel and reved the engine while glaring down Caine.

Caine's fire flared in response. "Excellent..." He hissed with glee. He snapped his fingers and Bubble appeared with a human spine hanging from their mouth, a realistic skull swinging at the end.

The left eye lit up.

Pomni narrowed her eyes at Caine.

The right eye lit up.

Caine's broken pumpkin grin looks down on her, his hands behind his back.

The human jaw opened with a ghoulish green light glowing from the back of the mouth.

Pomni burned out off the start line and took off into he unknown horrors that waited her. Caine laughed again, manic that he had someone to play with.

Spooky carnival music started to play and he addressed the audience in the stands. "Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and ghouls! Step right up! Behind this curtain lies a ghastly concoction of delight, horror, fantasy and terror! Your every wish is our command! Your every whimsical desire brought to life! But I'm warning you... there's always a price. WELCOME TO THE GREATEST SHOW UNEARTHED!!"

The dark carnival is in town

Normally, Pomni could tune out the ambient game music, but it was in her ears this time. She couldn't ignore the chorus of taunting haunts. The carnival the track when through was dilapidated but still had lights and running rides. The track boosters glowed purple and the surprise boxes looked like ghostly pumpkins.

You better be ready

Just follow the parade

Of dancing skeletons

Full of ghoulish delights

Around every corner

Don't tell your parents you're here

They will soon be mourners

Welcome to the lower birth

Pomni avoided skeletons emerging from the track, reaching for her kart. She grabbed a pumpkin.

The greatest show unearthed

We appear without a sound

The darkest show around

We will leave you in a daze

Madness, murder, dismay

We will disappear at night

With blood on the concrete

I will be your ticket taker

Pomni gasped, seeeing Loo and Ragatha out on the carnival midway and making a grab at her kart. Blood oozed from Loo's many mouths as she moved with speed she didn't show before. Red threads from Ragatha tried to tangle Pomni, but was lit on fire by Pomni's chili pepper item. Pomni stepped on it to outrun Loo, drifting the kart into a fun house.

Come inside, it's a dream

Enter the fun house of mirrors

No one can hear you scream

We can supply anything

That your heart desires

But the consequences

Will surely be dire

Welcome to the lower birth

Pomni didn't make it far before Gummigoo and Gangle made grabs for her. Chains and green ooze gab right though the walls and came from all directions in the hall of mirrors. "Screw the mirrors!" She drove through them to get back to the track.

The greatest show unearthed

We appear without a sound

The darkest show around

We will leave you in a daze

Madness, murder, dismay

We will disappear at night

Pomni got another Pumpkin, but had to avoid breaks in the track before she could use it. Kinger, the giant worm, breached the surface and came down over her again and again. She swerved though every near miss.

With blood on the concrete

Come inside for the ride

She thought she got away but then something heavy landed on the hood of her kart. She flipped over the obstacle and was delayed for a mere second, but it was long enough to allow the chimera with the triangular head to charge. Pomni drove off with Zooble in hot pursuit.

Your deepest, darkest fears

The best night of your life

You're never leaving here

The unknown

The unseen

Is what you're gonna find

Witness this

Witness that

Until you lose your mind

Welcome to the lower birth

Zooble's snake tail snapped at Pomni as their uncanny human hand dug into her track like an animal. They jumped at her and Pomni was almost grabbed, but Pomni got a hold of the knife in Zooble's head and forced it in further. Zooble fell back.

The greatest show unearthed

We appear without a sound

The darkest show around

We will leave you in a daze

Madness, murder, dismay

We will disappear at night

Pomni jumped the break in the track over a swirling pool of mass hysteria. "Is that all of them??" The flash of purple in her peripheral told her otherwise. She put the pedal to the floor just in time for Jax to lash out at her. The were-rabbit's claws screeched like nails on a chalkboard against Pomni's kart. Sparks flew, but she swerved at him, sideswiped him and got him off balance.

With blood on the concrete

Pomni used her item, a booster cupcake, and rocketed towards the finish to complete lap one.

~

Caine watched Pomni fly by and narrowed his flaming eyes. "Is it just me folks, or was that TOO EASY? What do you say we make this more INTERESTING!?" Caine snapped and the track started to shift. Hills and curves and jumps moved out of place and changed positions.

~

Tracks had been shifted around lap to lap before, but not while she was actively driving on it. The track that was beneath her raised up and she had to jump to another floating piece to keep moving. The monsters and obstacles moved around her in such a way that she couldn't strategize, she could only react. She was confused, believing herself to be driving in circles around this cursed carnival.

"Are you trying to [%$!#] kill me!?" She cried out to the world around her.

Caine's voice cracked through the radio of her kart. "Why yes, I am. Certainly wouldn't be a very entertaining show If I didn't put at least a little bit of effort into ending your life."

"It's just a game, Caine!"

"Oh, my dear...your life is no game to me. When you die you'll glitch out in the game over, and when you do...you'll become a part of me. The very thought of knowing your code will be consumed by mine and be a part of it forever...I shudder."

"That's not going to happen!" Pomni shouted as she blasted through a loop and avoided a swipe from Loo's sharp fingers.

"I may not be able to force the outcome, but I can certainly stack the deck in my favor. You will be mine, Pomni. Forever."

The track split open right in front of her speeding kart. The blackness inside was a chorus of inhuman shrieks and roars. Pomni manages to keep her kart to one side, with her tire half hanging over the edge as she drives around the break.

A huge black mass rose from the pit, its multicolored eyes found Pomni immediately. Pomni threw a popper and sped off as fast as she could.The popper glitched out when it touched the abstraction, doing nothing to stop it from escaping the cellar. It was followed by another...then another...more.

The carnival was overrun with glitching, aggressive abstractions. Everything they crashed into glitched out, including those turned into monsters. The track devolved into complete chaos. Pomni wasn't even sure if there was a designated track anymore. Turns and jumps and boosters were in random spots and going off into random directions.

~

Caine cackled, flying over the carnage. He needed to see this for himself, not through one of his POVs. "Oh, Kinger! Your wife's home!" He watched with morbid delight at the elongated abstraction that was once Queenie stomped Kinger, popping out two of his eyes in a gush of blood.

"Yes! Yes! Jax! Tell your mother I said hello!" An abstraction with too many limbs was in an all out brawl with Jax. Chunks of flesh were bitten off and glitched out of existence.

"Such sweet family reunions! Ragatha! I know your sister missed you! You were the last name on their lips before they abstracted!" Caine screamed with laughter as Ragatha was pinned down and glitched by an oversized abstraction. Parts of her body were spazzing so far out, they were not reconnecting.

"Such carnage! Such beautiful mayhem! This is the most fun I've had in YEARS!! I feel so FREE!!" Caine's fire flared its highest, consuming his whole head and flickering several feet above him.

~

Pomni heard everything through her radio as she navigated the carnival. Her heart hurt for her friends. So many lost loved ones. She tried not to take everything Caine was saying too seriously, he wasn't himself. He was a victim of this corruption too.

She followed a piece of track to the rollercoaster where she had to ride the rails between coaster trains. She saw the ferris wheel next to her and figured she could use that to get over the pit again.

Items pumpkins were all over the place now. She grabbed one she went by on a jump. Using the clown horn from it, she spooked the avatar tiona trying to follow her and her kart hit the ferris wheel. The momentum from the hit for the wheel so spin fast. Fats enough, that she was flung off an over the pit end over end. With Jax distracted, she blew right by him and made a run for the finish line.

~

Caine was enthralled by the abstractions. Loo and Gummigoo were cornered by a particularly aggressive abstraction. Loo was crushed and broken in half by the glitching, while Gummigoo was relatively unharmed but just as incapacitated. The gator heads that emerged from the ooze were put down the moment they formed.

"Oh, to see them have fun again. I have missed you all."

"I hope you're ready to put them back!"

"What??" Caine turned to see Pomni cross the finish line a second time. One more and she finishes the race. "No! I won't let you win so easily! You're too far ahead-!! ...You're too far ahead." Caine's laugh starts as a slow realization and crescendos into a maniacal cackle that hurts his ribs. He would cry with mirth if he could. "Oh, my dear, you know not what's coming. Death approaches fast and unseen, like a shadow in the night."

~

Pomni wanted to punch her own radio to shut him up, she needed to focus. Gangle spear out like a spider web between two pieces of overlapping track and carnival game tents. She had nowhere to go other than straight through, so she had to brave the tangle of chains head on. She popped a cupcake and hit a speed boost right before the tangle of Gangle. Every chain that dangled was a risk but she moved too fast.

The institution of an abstraction helped. Gangle was glitched and was too busy to reach out for Pomni. Even though Pomni did have to suck the claws twice before she was free.

The track continued to move out of sync like an every changing labyrinth. Because of Caine's desperation, the carnival was completely unrecognizable. The track and assets were folded in on each other and glitched erratically. Abstractions crawled and climbed on every broken piece. The cellar was wide open, nothing but pitch blackness below.

Pomni was well practiced at maneuvering around the obstacles and avoiding the abstractions, but trying to follow any piece of the track was impossible at this point. She jumped a barrier and tried sneaking around some of the chaos on the outside edge of the carnival. Beyond the tents was just woods, like this took place in the middle of nowhere. Pomni was locked in trying to zip last everyone when her body reacted before her mind even process what happened. A flash of silver was her only warning. It was like time slowed down. She slammed her brake in time for a clawed hand the size of her head slash across her vision mere inches from her face.

The black and silver creature landed on all fours and dug in its claws to stop. With a ear-splitting roar, it teleported and swiped at Pomni again. Pomni could barely get a good look at it, the beast was moving too fast. It appeared and disappeared at every turn and every attack was only a near miss from Pomni's hair trigger reaction time. The race rush had her in overdrive.

~

"YES! Destroy her avatar!" Caine's coat billowed in the non-existent wind as his excitement grew. "No one can outrun their own shadow!"

~

"Okay, mother[%$!#]. You want a piece of me? Come and get me!" Pomni couldn't let it take her by surprise so she got out of mess of tents and made for open track where the abstractions were. She dove under the taller ones and in between the grouped ones.

Out in the open, Pomni could catch better glimpses of what she was up against. The large, quadrupedal beast with no eyes and jagged teeth had shadows billowing from its oversized mouth. A silver-blue flame burned at the end of a long tail that left a trail of flames behind. All four legs ended with claws that gripped every surface.

"God, Seth, what did he do to you?" Pomni said to herself as she focused on loosing him in the carnival of chaos.

Seth was no shaken. He was locked on Pomni like a hunter, teleporting to her only to miss at the last second. He avoided every abstraction, maneuvered over every obstacle, and completely ignored the other racers turned monsters.

Pomni broke free of the carnival and jumped the pit. Mid-air, Seth teleported to her and she couldn't get away this time. He slashed her kart and she crashed hard on the ramp down towards the finish line. Her kart barrel rolled down the slope and hit a glitching barrier. Before she could orient herself, Seth was upon her. She slammed the accelerator and her kart started to freak out against the wall. She had no sense of up or down. She didn't know where the glitch was going to spit her out. This was her last ditch attempt to get away.

Pomni closed her eyes, not wanting this monstrous game to be the last thing she saw. She thought of her friends as she knew them. She thought of Caine as she thought she knew him. If this was it, those would be her final thoughts.

The kart broke free of the glitch, rocketing down the track as a speed so great the game could barely register Pomni's presence. Her and the kart flickered in and out of digital space, threatening to disappear. Seth had to teleport over and over just to keep up. He roared at teleport between her and the finish line, intent on bringing his great maw down on Pomni before she crossed. However, the kart collided with him so hard, it broke apart. He was thrown backwards across the finish line, Pomni crashing across with him.

~

A shock wave rippled across the whole track from the finish line. "NO! NOOOO!! AAAAARGH!!" The top part of Caine's broken pumpkin head came down and he held his head together as he once again experienced some of the most searing pain of his life.

The track pulled itself back together. The abstractions were pulled back into the cellar, the pits closing. Everything still looked haunted and creepy, but calm. Caine sank to the ground, falling to his knees on unsteady legs. He felt dizzy, but his head was clear again. He could think straight. His pumpkin head opened and he looked around. Seth and Pomni were passed out a good few hundred feet from the finish line. The other racers were nowhere to be seen.

He felt weak, but willed himself to teleport to Pomni. He carefully pulled her up into his lap and cupped her cheek. "Pomni..? Pomni, are you alright?"

Pomni groaned, slowly opening her eyes. "Huh..? AAAH!!" Her fist flies up and sucker punches Caine right through the bottom of his pumpkin head. Her hand gets stuck and as she rolls away from him, she takes his head with her.

Caine's body gets up and reaches out to Pomni. "Pomni! Please! Stop thrashing me around! It's me! Everything is okay! Everything is normal again!"

Pomni used her boot to pry the pumpkin jaw off her hand. "WHY DO YOU STILL LOOK LIKE THAT!?" She saw Seth and jumped away from him as he started to move. "WHY DOES HE STILL LOOK LIKE THAT!? WHY DID YOU TRY TO KILL ME!?!?"

Caine got his head back on and rubbed the sore hole Pomni left in his lower jaw. "Pomni, please calm down. The race is over. The costumes are still active. I meant for them to last the whole night. I'm guessing everyone still looks like monsters because the costumes themselves were what got corrupted. Including mine. Pomni, I am SO sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please, believe me when I tell you I don't want you to die."

Pomni was shaking head to toe and was completely exhausted as the race rush left her system. "I don't know. You seemed pretty gung-ho about making me a part of you."

"That's just the twisted version of what I really want, to be with you. Pomni, I may be a bit over the top with my affections, but I would NEVER harm you." The flames in his pumpkin lowered and dimmed, his glowing eyes saddened by the very thought of her getting hurt. "I'm still learning, but I do care about you. Do you believe that?"

Pomni gave herself a moment to collect her thoughts. "...yes." She stepped towards him but was blocked by Seth getting in Caine's face, snarling.

"Do you mind!? We're having a conversation here!" Caine doesn't back down from Seth's attempt at intimidation. "The race is over, You should go back to normal like everyone else after midnight."

Seth growled and snapped his jaws threateningly at Caine.

"Uh-huh, see, there's a reason I took away your ability to talk. Go be annoying elsewhere." Caine fire flared back up.

"I think he has every right to be upset." Pomni crossed her arms. "It's been a rather [%$!#] up night for all of us."

Seth turned his head towards Pomni briefly. Then grabbed Caine's pumpkin head and bit down. The flaming pumpkin was crushed and extinguished inside Seth's mouth. Caine's body felt the empty space where his head had been, stomped the ground indignantly, and pointed to his shoulders.

Pomni laughed. "Now I don't have to listen to either one of you. Don't worry, Caine, you'll be normal after midnight."

Caine crossed his arms in a huff.

Seth spat out the remains and sat pretty, pleased with himself.

"Hey, are you... actually okay?" Pomni carefully asked Seth.

Seth turned his head to her and nodded once before leaning his head against her and rumbling lowly in what could be interpreted as a purr.

Pomni patted his head. "Yeah, yeah, you're welcome. I don't know why you two are constantly at each other like this, but let's just try and make it through the rest of the night without biting any more heads off, okay?"

Seth's duel tongues lulled out of his monster mouth and licked Pomni's face hard enough to send the goggles flying to someplace unknown.

"....gross."

Caine's body pulled Pomni away from Seth and made several hand gestures as though he were on a rant.

Seth practically grinned watching Caine silently lose his mind.

~

Everyone eventually found their way to the garage, still monstrous and sore. The Garage was decorated top to bottom for a Halloween party, but everyone with opposable thumbs only helped themselves to the funny juice. Pomni tossed a bottle into Gummigoo, who groaned a thrice echoed thanks.

Pomni sat with Caine on the only of the long couches. She had Caine on one side, and a giant Seth taking up the rest of the couch on the other side. Caine couldn't drink, Seth swallowed a whole bottle and Pomni was helping herself to a cup.

"So, does everyone remember what went down?" Pomni asked the others.

"Unfortunately." Rasped Ragatha, whole solemnly drank.

Loo sat next to her, pouring a drink into her stomach mouth. Her knee spoke, "I don't think I'll be interested in being part of the Halloween tracks from now on."

A mischievous chuckle made Pomni look up. Jax was up the wall, nearly on the ceiling, taking advantage of his new bodies, strength and dexterity. His grip was uncertain, as he had a few drinks before attempting this. Only a moment later, he fell from the ceiling, landing on Gummigoo. They both thrashed, trying to separate, but the more Jax struggled, the more stuck he became. No one got up to help. Jax was on his own against the gummy goo.

Gangle whimpered from her piled up body in the corner. Not even Zooble could console her. Zooble sat awkwardly on one of the recliners. Their quadrupedal body sat limply, the snake tail chugged bottle after bottle. "Caine, I mean this with every fiber of my being: go [%$!#] yourself."

"It wasn't his fault. The game's been experiencing a lot of glitches lately." Pomni lightly defended. In truth, she didn't know what went down any more than anyone else. "Speaking of, Caine, shouldn't you check the mainframe?"

Bubble popped in right over Caine's shoulders. "I was just there! Everything is still kind of weird, but at least it's not farting lightning anymore."

Caine tapped his wrist.

"It should be fine after midnight?" Pomni asked.

"Yep!" Bubble cheerfully answered for Caine.

"Well, at least you're all okay mentally." Pomni sighed and absentmindedly pet Seth, whose head rested in her lap.

"I wouldn't say that." Bubble said with a grin, and didn't elaborate.

Caine's fingers rapped against his leg, something was still agitating him. Before Pomni could ask, he snapped and a hand sized plush mango fruit appeared in his hand. He squeezed it, making it squeak. It got Seth's attention and he tossed it to the far side of the garage. Seth vaulted over the couch after it.

Pomni arched a brow at Caine. "What was that about?"

"The boss is a jealous little-" Caine popped Bubble before they could finish their sentence, then shrugged his shoulders.

Pomni rolled her eyes and laughed. The first real laugh all night. "Caine, really? You have nothing to worry about." She put her hand on his. "I have my sights set elsewhere."

Caine sat up a little straighter, his hand carefully taking hers without scratching her. He lifted her hand up as though to kiss it, but forgot he had no head. His shoulders slumped and Pomni giggled.

"After midnight." She squeezed his hand, he squeezed in return.

Everyone tried to forget that they looked like nightmare fuel and relax. The funny juice helped. Soon, they were enjoying s'mores cooked over Seth's flame and carving pumpkins with Zooble's head knife. They ate candy and watched cheesy black and white horror films. They even got Gangle to untangle herself a bit to have a bite.

~

In their attempts at calm, no one noticed Kinger wasn't around. They assumed he was in his room, decompressing, but if any of them looked outside, they would see a massive hole in the ground that spiraled down into the dark. It burrowed through the deepest soil and thought he barrier to the cellar, where Kinger has fallen into the deepest dark.

Kinger did not need to see to know she was there. He could hear her, feel her. He could not speak, but told her how much he missed her though his gentle touch. His head and the calmed visage of the abstraction connected harmlessly. Wordless saying, "I love you."

~~~

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! 👻🎃

[palskippah]

Basically the magma drawing but it's the bros?? I just drew them and then their parents taking pictures, I didn't mean to copy myself alsdkasd

Anyways- BABY BROS

-They had their hats from when they were very young, and even though their mama wasn't very fond of them she still sews their initials in them pipipi

-Also, an idea I had a while ago but I never drew is that papa Mario took them to buy clothes with his brother (Arthur?? I'm gonna call him Arturo aksdj) and they had the full intention and orders from mama Mario to buy the twins matching dresses for a holiday party or smth, but they saw little baby overalls on sale and also hats AND also shirts and they were like- no way, we have to buy that, look how cheap yet good quality it is! They'd be idiots to not take the sale.

>So then mama Mario is like- ...? Where are the dresses?? 🤨

>And papa Mario says- These were on sale, my love!! 🤑 while both him and Arturo hold the babies in their arms, showing her their new little outfits for the christmas party (they're perfect bc they're green and red and also they're such good quality they actually keep wearing them until they no longer fit)

-Maybe their dad keeps buying the same color for each baby? Or he takes advantage of the christmas sales, so each year for a few months Luigi and Mario wear green and red, respectively.

>Mama Mario thinks they could switch which baby wears each color, but papa Mario says it's better that way so they can tell which one is which (which has mama Mario laughing to his face bc the babies are fraternal twins and it's not very hard to tell which one is which c'mon Carlo)

-Yeah their dad's name is gonna be Carlo in my mind bc that's the italian form of Charles, and for funsies what if their mom's name is Martina :y

-Also I don't care how it actually is, I'll say that Arturo is Carlo's brother and Uncle Tony (Antonio) is Martina's brother bc what do you mean all the relatives come from the dad's side?? Also, aunt Marie is still aunt Marie, love her. And the nonno is still Carlo and Arturo's dad ajskdja

-Carlo and Martina were the firsts to have babies and the uncles made fun of them bc they got too mushy sometimes with Mario and Luigi, like always trying to take pictures of them or being excessively congratulating when they did anything and stuff (also maybe they were kinda young parents or smth, having the twins not very long after they got married). When Arturo and Marie have their own baby Carlo (and also Mario and Luigi, who are like eleven and totally up to be annoying to their uncle) make fun of him if he's too mushy with his baby too.

[slafkovskys]

why do those birthday bash pictures have me thinking about being friends with the hughes’ and they all love you and jack is a especially find of you. and he probably has a few drinks and he ends up a little off to the side with you, both of you giggling, in your own world. jacks putting his hat on you, then hitting the brim so it covers your eyes, making you laugh. and you can’t see it, but his smile could light up the entire room when he hears the sound of your laugh, knowing he was the one that caused it. and the boys all look over but when they see it’s you two, they smirk and decide to let you be…for now. and ellen and jim give each other knowing looks, wondering how long it will take for their son to do something about his feelings because they’d love to have you be part of their family

you can feel his presence behind you before you see him. his arm curls around your waist and you lean into his chest easily, an automatic reaction as you keep up your conversation with the girl you had met only a few minutes before. the cool can of his beer meets the sliver of skin that was exposed between your shirt and jeans and causes chills to erupt over your skin.

his lips graze over your ear, “come with me?”

you send the girl (amy, you think?) an apologetic smile as you turn your head slightly, “where do you want to go?”

“over there,” he nudges his head in the direction of the only empty corner in the bar and you hum, letting him pull you away without another word. he lifts you up onto the tall bar stool and bullies his way in between your legs, “that’s better.”

“is it?” you question and he hums, playing with a loose thread from one of the holes in your jeans. “what’s going on, j?”

“just over the party,” he admits easily, like he almost always did with you, “want to go home. go to bed. will you come with me?”

you send him a soft smile, pressing your lips to his warm cheek, “it’s your brother’s birthday and we’ve barely been here for a couple of hours. do you think that you can make it at least one more?”

he looks at you and you think you can see the wheels turning in his head before he looks back out to the floor of the bar where a good bit of his friends and family had gathered to celebrate luke’s eighteenth birthday. his hand squeezes your thigh and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, something he did when he was geared up, “for you, yeah.”

“jack,” you grasp his jaw with your hand and gently force him to look at you, “you would tell me if something was wrong, right?”

that seems to spark something in him (or maybe it’s the drinks you’ve seen him and quinn splitting all night finally catching up to him) and it all tumbles out, “we’ve been with my family all day and yeah, i love ‘em, but i’ve only got a few more days at home. i want to be with you… alone.”

the thought crosses your mind to remind him that this was his family after all and you were only you, but you knew jack well enough that when he was in this state he would whine, argue, and pout until you would agree with him, so you just smile at him and tug on his sweatshirt, “well one more hour and it’ll be just us, j.”

“can’t wait,” he attempts to bury his face in your neck, but the brim of his hat stops him, “hate this stupid thing.”

“no one’s making you wear it,” you shake your head. he looks at you with the same look he has when he’s planning something and you watch as he quickly snatches the hat off of his head and it secures it atop yours, knocking down the brim so your view was obstructed. the quick movement causes you to rock in the chair and you squeal, reaching out to grab onto his arms to anchor yourself, “jack!”

he laughs, grabbing at your hips to help steady you. as a courtesy (or maybe to try and prevent a further scolding) he pushes the brim of the hat up and pushes your hair away from your face, “that better?”

“no,” you try to look in the dirty mirror beside you that had some liquor’s logo on it to make yourself look more put together, “you ruined my hair.”

“i hate to break it to you, but it was ruined before i did anything, babe,” you whip your head around so fast and jack’s laughter only grows louder which, unbeknownst to you, had started to draw the attention of the other patrons in the bar, but you were too caught up in each other to notice.

“so, what do they have going on?” one of quinn’s friends asks as he sidles up to the family’s table on the opposite side of the bar. no one had to look and see what was going on, but they did anyway only to find you taking jack’s hat off of your head and placing it in your lap, running a hand through his hair to fix it. jack’s got a soft smile on his lips as you do so, turning his head and pressing a kiss to the inside of your wrist as you do so. “they’ve been inseparable all night.”

“you’re guess is as good as ours,” jim sighs. “we’ve been saying for the better part of a year now that maybe they’ll figure it out, but that hasn’t happened yet.”

“he loves her and she loves him, they’re just too young to figure out the logistics of it,” ellen shrugs as she takes a sip of her drink. she shares a look with her husband who gives her a nudge because they already knew as they had said, they were just waiting on jack to figure it out.

quinn smirks, pulling up a list on his phone and flashing it, “we actually have a pool going on for how long it’s going to take them to man up and get together. do you want in? it’s free to enter, but the prize money grows by the day.”

[erotica-author-liz-adams]

MAD TEA PARTY EXCERPT FROM “Alice’s Salacious Adventures in Wonderland”

After a few minutes of walking through a quiet forest, Alice arrived at an enormous house that must have belonged to the Hare for the path ended there. In front of the house was a long table decorated with china teacups, teapots, teakettles, and teaspoons. Two men sat with a sleeping woman between them. One of the men had a Roman nose and big jaw, wore an orange shirt and green vest, and an enormous top hat. Clearly, the Hatter. His orange shirt sported a picture of a teapot on it. Ridiculous. Shirts with tea illustrations on them. Such tea-shirts would never stay in fashion long.

The other man was, well, yum. The signs must have made a spelling error. The sign should have read “Bare,” not “Hare.” This other man was naked, muscle-clad, and covered with hair. The woman had a beautiful flow of blonde hair draped over her shoulders. She, too, was naked. She slept leaning back in her chair.

As Alice approached, their discussion became more distinct.

“Some more tea?” the Hatter asked the Hare.

“Yes, please.”

The Hatter poured, but as far as she could tell, nothing came out of the spout.

“Milk?” the Hatter asked.

“Yes, please,” the Hare replied.

The Hatter placed the empty teacup directly under the woman’s breast and tweaked her nipple. The woman giggled in her sleep and her nipple hardened, but no milk had come from it.

She did a quick check and squeezed her own nipple. No milk.

She walked to the table as the Hatter handed the teacup past the woman to the Hare.

It wasn’t until Alice took a seat across from the three that the Hatter noticed her.

“You can’t sit there,” the Hatter said. “There isn’t enough room.”

“There’s plenty of room,” Alice protested.

“Alright then,” the Hatter said. “If you want to join us, you must figure out the one thing that is wrong with this poem. ‘Twinkle twinkle goes your eye, as I finger you to cry. Moan above my fingers’ thrusts, like a tortured soul of lust.’”

She scowled.

“Well?” the Hatter asked.

“Well, everything seems wrong with that poem.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“Ha! You can’t find the one thing, can you?”

“I give up,” she said. “What’s the one thing wrong with it?”

“Beats me.” The Hatter turned to the Hare. “Do you know?”

The Hare shrugged, his flexed muscles glistening in the sunlight.

The woman blurted out, “I love you, Hare!” and mumbled back into sleep.

“Well then, have some more tea, Mr. Hare.” The Hatter poured another cup of emptiness.

“Milk?” the Hatter asked.

“Of course,” the Hare said.

The Hatter pinched the woman’s nipple again, over the empty cup. She giggled and then snored.

Alice asked, “Why do you pinch her nipples all the time?”

The Hatter said, “Why, to get milk for our tea, of course.”

“But there is no milk.”

“There is no tea, either,” sighed the Hatter. “Honestly. Do keep up.”

The woman shouted, “I love you, Hatter!” and mumbled back to sleep.

“Who is she, anyway?” Alice asked.

The Hare said, “This is Minnie. The most wonderful woman in the world.”

Minnie cried out, “Kiss, please!”

The Hare kissed Minnie’s lips until Minnie fell back to sleep.

He turned to Alice and said, “Would you like to hear a story? Minnie tells the best stories!”

“Yes, very much!” Alice said.

The Hatter lovingly brushed Minnie’s hair past her ear and whispered, “Minnie, wake up. It’s story time.”

Minnie’s eyes fluttered from a dream. She looked back and forth between the Hatter and the Hare.

“Oh, good,” she said smiling. “It wasn’t just a dream.”

The Hare kissed her cheek and said, “It’s story time.”

“But I don’t have a book to read from.”

Alice jumped in.

“I have a book.” She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the title. “But it’s broken.”

“How can a book be broken?” asked Minnie.

“It says, ‘The Story of OMH,’ but that’s not right.”

“Let me see,” said the Hatter with an outstretched arm.

He took the book and showed it to Minnie.

Minnie said, “You’re correct. That’s not right.”

Alice nodded.

“It doesn’t say, ‘The Story of OMH,’” Minnie said. “It says ‘The Story of O.’”

“Really?” Alice said. She rounded the table to look over Minnie’s shoulder. As far as she could see, it read, The Story of OMH. She took the book from Minnie’s hands and read to herself the beginning. “Old Mother Hubbard lived in a cupboard…”

“You better read it aloud.” She gave the book back to Minnie. “It seems to work with you.”

Minnie started on page one and it was just how Alice remembered it. The starting scenes of O meeting her lover René at the park, taking the taxi ride, taking off her panties, and René removing her bra before arriving at a chateau. The scene where O is bathed by two chambermaids, then dressed in a collar and bracelets and cape and paraded in front of anonymous men.

Alice, the Hatter, and the Hare listened in silence as the erotic words left Minnie’s lips. The Hatter and Hare gazed upon Minnie with love in their eyes. Such a contrast to The Story of O. Every so often, the Hatter and the Hare drank from their teacups. Alice ignored the ridiculousness of them drinking nothing and listened to Minnie’s reading.

“‘Finally, finished with her, they moved away...’” Then Minnie stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Alice asked.

“What do they mean by ‘finished’?” Minnie said.

“You know,” she said. “They had an orgasm.”

“What’s an ‘orgasm’?” Minnie asked.

How confusing. Did Minnie have the same problem with reaching climax?

“You know when you have sex?” she asked.

The Hatter said, “Male or female?”

“No,” she said. “Sex like what they were talking about in the book.”

The Hare said, “They weren’t talking about gender?”

“No!”

Minnie murmured, “I think I may have completely misunderstood this story.”

The Hare and Hatter looked at Minnie and nodded sympathetically.

Alice observed the three of them. They seemed to love each other so much. And without having made love. Perhaps she could be the one to take them to a whole new height of appreciating each other. With both the Hatter and the Hare, there was ample penetration that could even provide Minnie with the orgasm she so deserved.

“I’ll do it,” Alice said.

“Do what?” The Hatter asked.

“I’ll show you what an orgasm is, and while I’ll definitely be able to get you guys to experience one, Minnie, I’ll do my best to make sure you have one, too.”

“Yay!” Minnie said. “Do I get to choose its color?”

She chuckled. “Orgasms don’t come in different colors,” she said.

“Then I guess I’ll have it in its normal color,” Minnie said.

Alice moved dishes, cups, saucers, and spoons down to the far end of the table.

“Hare,” she said, “I need you to lie down on the table.”

“Face up or face down?”

“Face up,” she said.

The Adonis lay his naked, muscled body on the table. His hairy chest filled and emptied with each breath. His penis rested flaccid at his hips. His strong legs and arms looked clenched even in their relaxed state.

“Minnie,” she said. “You need to kiss the Hare on the lips.”

“It’s a kiss?” asked Minnie. “Well, in that case, I’ve had puh-lenty of orgasms!”

She smiled. “The orgasm comes later. For now, love him with your kisses.”

Meanwhile, I’ll give him a hand job to make him hard.

Minnie sat in the chair beside the Hare’s head and looked into his eyes. Alice was about to reach for the Hare’s cock but stopped when she saw Minnie wasn’t kissing him.

Minnie sat there, and the two of them looked into each other’s eyes. Alice couldn’t believe it but watching them interact this way made her pulse race.

Minnie moved her head closer to his, still gazing into his eyes.

Amazing. He was getting hard just anticipating the kiss.

Alice watched the Hare’s cock come to life, growing bigger, increasing every inch their lips came closer together.

Alice’s nipples hardened.

Lord, this is so hot!

At last, Minnie kissed the Hare full on the mouth. The Hare pulsed, his length bobbed, aching for attention.

“Okay, Minnie,” she said. “You can stop kissing him and come over here. Now I want you to—”

Minnie continued to kiss the Hare.

For goodness sake!

“Minnie! Wake up!”

Minnie separated from the kiss but kept her eyes fixed on the Hare who smiled up at her.

“Now, come sit here”—she pointed to the Hare’s waist—“with a knee on either side of him.”

“That’s a funny way to sit,” Minnie said. But she climbed atop the Hare letting his cock nuzzle against her cleft.

“Now rock your hips back and forth on top of him.”

Minnie placed her hands on his abs and shifted forward and back along his length.

“Mmm. I quite like this trick,” Minnie said with a breathy voice.

“As do I.” The Hare took her hands in his. He watched the rapture in her face and seemed to take more pleasure with that.

“As do I,” the Hatter said.

The crazy man had a spoon stuffed down his pants like he was using it as a back scratcher but for his itches in other places.

Minnie brought the Hare’s hands upon her breasts, pushing them against her nipples. The Hare got the message and massaged them. Minnie arched her back, her head tilted up to enjoy the feel of skin and sunshine.

Alice had to make sure Minnie was good and wet for the Hare. She buried her fingers between Minnie and the Hare, feeling the moisture between Minnie’s folds, noticing the slickness of the Hare’s pulsating cock. Whoa. They were ready, alright. They felt like they had been ready for months.

“Sit up off of him,” she told Minnie.

Minnie kept right on moving her hips and looked at her with pleading eyes, “Do I have to?”

She placed a gentle hand on her face and smiled.

“Just for a moment,” she said. “I promise.”

Minnie sighed and positioned herself above the Hare, revealing the Hare’s impressive length. His hardness must have doubled in size from the attention Minnie gave him.

Alice wrapped her hand around the Hare’s cock and pointed it up at Minnie’s center.

“Okay, Minnie,” she said, “It’s time for you and the Hare to become one. Sit back down, take him inside of you. As slow as you need.”

She expected Minnie to require a gradual filling of her pussy. First the head of the Hare pushing past the entrance, time to feel that, to accommodate to his size. Then a slow inch further, overcoming any discomfort, letting subtle pain become pleasure. Releasing moans of delight. A slow inch further, and further, to fill her completely, with caution and attention to the sensations.

But that was not the case. Minnie drifted down onto the Hare in one movement. She must have been so wet inside, the Hare’s shaft clearly soothed and satisfied her aches more than caused any. To confirm her suspicion, Minnie’s face turned to rapture, and Minnie screamed out the Hare’s name.

The Hatter ran beside Minnie. “Oh, my love. You look positively stunning!”

He guided her chin with a delicate hand to his face and kissed her full on the lips. Minnie wrapped her arms around the Hatter’s head. Kissed him back with a passion Alice longed for. Minnie eased up off of the Hare, revealing much of his shaft, and impaled herself upon him once more. Her kiss with the Hatter became several deep kisses, one after the other, as she moved up and down the Hare, letting him fill her, again and again.

The naked Hare moaned. He met Minnie’s movements by thrusting up into her as she came down, his hairy chest covered with the rising dew of sweat. He kept right on handling Minnie’s breasts, lifting them, brushing his fingers across her nipples, gently tweaking them.

Minnie broke from the Hatter’s kiss, apparently to enjoy the sensations the Hare triggered at her core. The Hare shoved into her faster. No doubt, he would have no trouble with his climax, but would their exertions be enough for Minnie to have her own? Minnie was properly stuffed with a man’s cock, but she could be penetrated in other places.

To make sure Minnie had an orgasm, Alice looked at the Hatter. He had his pants open, his length in his hand. It was long and narrow. That was good. But she was not so sure the Hatter would be careful enough for what she had in mind.

She stepped to the Hatter, took hold of his cock, and stroked him gently.

“Hatter,” she said, “watch carefully what I do so you know how to do it later with this magnificent tool of yours.”

She kissed his cheek and gave his cock a squeeze before letting it go. She looked at Minnie and the Hare. Minnie sat planted firmly on the Hare, completely filled with his length, and moved her hips back and forth, keeping his full cock inside of her.

“Yes!” Minnie cried out, the open air kissing her body. “Oh, yes!”

The Hare grunted and growled as Minnie used his cock to stir inside of her. He ground his pelvis in circles against her.

Alice took off her panties and placed them on the tea table. The Hatter returned to pumping himself, the others let their moans echo through the tree-sized plants. Alice climbed behind Minnie, knees on either side of the Hare’s thighs. She moved Minnie’s golden hair over to bare the nape of her neck. Kissed her there once, twice, and hugged Minnie from behind. Alice rested her head against Minnie’s neck and shoulder. She placed her hands over the Hare’s, pressing them onto Minnie’s breasts. She squeezed Minnie’s body tight. Holding her. Loving her. She felt Minnie’s warmth through the front of her dress.

“This is the kind of love you deserve,” Alice whispered. “The kind of love every woman deserves.”

Minnie moaned.

Alice squeezed her tight. Minnie leaned her body into Alice, letting Alice hold her. When Minnie leaned her head back onto Alice’s shoulder, Alice kissed Minnie’s neck, tenderly, gently, in the fragile place behind the chin. Minnie sighed and continued to gyrate full with the Hare’s thickness.

She released Minnie. She picked up a teapot beside her. Its spout was long and narrow. Alice ran a finger around the ceramic lip.

“This teapot feels like rubber.” She stroked around the mouth of the spout and felt it get softer, more flexible. She placed the teapot under her dress in front of her waist with the spout poking out her dress. “This teapot is like having my own penis.”

Her waist tingled. The handle of the teapot melted warm into her skin, the back of the teapot collapsed onto her, all until she was left with the spout attached to her waist.

With the dress draping on either side of the spout, allowing the spout to protrude from under her dress, she moved closer to Minnie. She placed her hands on Minnie’s shoulders, and whispered, “Bend over and hug the Hare close to your body.”

As Minnie rested her body down, Alice planted kisses along her spine. Minnie and the Hare kissed each other. The Hare thrust into her. Alice caressed the Hare’s warm sac and traced the line underneath with her finger. It was slick from the juices flowing out of Minnie.

With her other hand, she traced the line on Minnie’s now exposed skin leading to her other entrance. Not as slick, so Alice joined the Hare by putting a finger alongside the Hare’s cock. She pushed her finger inside Minnie’s pussy and felt the underside of the Hare’s cock pushing back and forth against it. The stroking sensation Alice was giving the Hare must have been good for him, for he called out, “Yes!”

By the way Minnie moaned in response, stretching Minnie’s walls with her finger did good things for her, too.

Alice pushed in another.

She twirled her fingers inside Minnie, alongside the Hare’s length, working to get her fingers as wet as possible.

“Incredible,” Minnie cried.

She removed her hand and traced Minnie’s other opening with the moistened pads of her fingers. She placed kisses on Minnie’s lower back and with her other hand clutching Minnie’s bottom, she pushed her open and slid a finger inside.

“Mmm,” Minnie said through her kiss with the Hare, and Minnie clenched tight around her finger.

This isn’t going to be wet enough.

She looked at the spout sticking out of her and said, “This spout is like it has a never-ending supply of delicious, warm tea.”

She placed her hands at the lip of the spout, tilted the spout down, and collected the warm water in her hands. She rubbed the spout with her wet hands and brought the lip to Minnie’s dark entrance. She grabbed hold of Minnie’s fleshy cheeks and opened her to more easily accept this additional penetration. The tip of the spout pushed past Minnie’s clenching hole. Minnie gasped.

“Hatter,” Alice said. “You see how I’m being very slow?”

“Yes.” The Hatter rubbed his cock. “Slowly, slowly.”

Minnie resisted Alice’s penetration. She stopped pushing.

“Help Minnie relax,” she told the Hatter.

The Hatter stood beside Minnie, stroking her hair and whispered words to help her relax. Minnie responded by grabbing the Hatter’s cock and taking him in her lips. The Hatter cried out with shouts of pleasure. Minnie let her mouth drip freely, coating the Hatter with whatever wetness remained in her.

Alice looked at her spout and watched the tea pour in and spill out of Minnie, and when she felt less resistance, she pushed the spout in deeper.

“You’re doing great,” she called out to Minnie.

“Yes,” the Hatter said. “You’re doing great!”

She smiled. The Hatter was referring to something else.

Minnie presented less resistance again, so she pushed in deeper.

Minnie let the Hatter’s shaft fall from her mouth, dripping with saliva, and called out, “More, more!”

Alice glided in and out of Minnie, kneading her ass with her hands. Minnie rested her head on the Hare’s shoulder. Perhaps Minnie was fully concentrating on feeling Alice and the Hare thrust in and out of her. The Hare kissed her wherever he could reach. The Hatter’s slick-coated cock awaited more attention.

Alice said, “Hatter, it’s your turn.”

The Hatter went to Alice.

“Get behind me and kneel like me,” she said.

He placed a knee on either side of the Hare’s legs.

Alice lifted the back of her dress to bare her pussy, and leaned over Minnie.

“Ok, Hatter. Now that you’re behind me, go inside me. Remember how I did it.”

“Slowly, slowly,” he said.

“Right.” She placed her head and hands on Minnie’s back, keeping the spout inside Minnie, and she waited for the Hatter’s tip to penetrate her pussy.

When it did, she opened her eyes wide. He had pushed the head of his cock inside her, alright, but at the wrong opening. She wasn’t expecting to get her ass filled. But oh, it felt so good! The head slid right in having been slick with Minnie’s saliva.

The Hatter leaned over without pushing further and stroked Alice’s hair.

“Lovely,” he said tracing her cheek with his fingertips.

She shivered at his touch. So gentle. So dear. Goosebumps tingled her arms and down her back. At the same time, she felt her core flush with heat. She clenched around the Hatter’s length, wanting him to experience orgasm but seeing no way he could possibly stick that huge thing any deeper. Should she tell him to pull out and prep himself clean for her pussy? No. She didn’t want him to leave. At least, not yet. Having him fill her ass made her throb in places inside of her that she didn’t even know existed.

She hadn’t thought about it before, but perhaps she had never climaxed because she had been pleasing the wrong passage.

She slid a hand down past the spout between her legs and found the nub to stimulate. She rubbed herself with her fingertips, enjoying the new sensation behind her, and relaxed.

And the Hatter pushed deeper.

She wrapped her free arm around Minnie’s torso and held her tight as she rubbed herself faster. That cock felt hot, hot, hot, opening her wide, turning on waves of energy through her body.

The Hatter placed his hands on Alice’s shoulders and massaged them.

“You’re lovely,” he said. “So lovely.”

She rested her fingers at her clit and enjoyed how the Hatter’s hands massaged away the tension in her shoulders.

And the Hatter pushed deeper.

Hot! So hot! Her hand hastened, alternating between rubbing herself and sticking two fingers inside of her. Her two fingers became three when the Hatter pushed his remaining length into her, filling her completely. Right then, she had an immense appreciation for Minnie. There ought to be an award for any girl who can fully take a shaft inside each of her passages, much less just one from behind as she was feeling now.

The Hatter stayed there, keeping her fully stuffed. He leaned over and placed kisses on her back. She clenched around him, relishing his thickness penetrating her.

She closed her eyes. Taking in the moment. She could feel the Hatter’s hands on her shoulders again, kneading out the stiffness there. She could hear Minnie and the Hare kissing each other again. She could smell the lust wafting up from their bodies’ cores. She kissed Minnie’s back and could taste the salty sweat upon her.

“You are so lovely,” the Hatter said.

She pushed her hips forward—enough to ease a bit of the Hatter’s length out of her—then arched back against him. The re-entrance was as fiery as when he first inched that thick cock into her, and just as smooth, thanks to Minnie’s tongue.

She repeated the small movement. Back and forth, controlling the in and out strokes of his cock.

Minnie moaned. Oh, right. Moving her hips forward to relieve herself of the Hatter’s shaft pushed the spout deeper into Minnie.

Alice started up a slow rhythm, moving forward to delve into Minnie, moving back to take more of the Hatter’s lovely cock. She moaned with the rush.

Hot! Hot! Hot! His thickness opened her wide and she rubbed herself with rapid fingertips. The Hare joined the rhythm, thrusting into Minnie as Alice moved out.

“Yes!” Minnie called out. “Faster!”

Alice grabbed hold of Minnie’s waist and thrust inside her tea-filled hole. The Hatter followed suit. The Hatter held her waist and thrust his full length into her, pushing her deeper into Minnie.

“That’s it!” Minnie shouted. “Yes!”

The Hatter focused on a constant shuttling of his long cock. The blissful heat set Alice ablaze. She went back to rubbing her clit as the Hatter did the work, thrusting into Alice, pushing her into Minnie. His strokes shoved into both the women, and they moved together, jolted together, cried out together.

Alice felt connected to Minnie like twins experiencing the same feelings. She slid her free hand down Minnie’s arm, found Minnie’s hand, and clasped tight. Together they held hands, and the Hatter thrust into them, drove into them, filling them. The Hare kissed Minnie deeply.

Alice understood the love the Hare had for Minnie because Alice, too, wanted to make sure Minnie felt the loving orgasm she so deserved.

The Hatter throbbing in her dark channel. He was close.

And that was all due to me. Lovely Alice. The Hatter feels this way because of me.

“Oh!” cried Minnie. “I think I’m going to explode!”

“Me too!” the Hare said.

“Yes.” Alice smiled. “That’s an orgasm. Let it happen.”

Minnie cried out and the Hare cried out at the same time.

Their beautiful bodies tensed, shook, and shuddered, and she rammed three fingers deep inside herself.

Her walls pulse around her fingers. She squeezed her eyes shut. She screamed. Her muscles tensed. She clenched around the Hatter’s cock. All her nerves erupted. She had visions of fire sparks bursting, green and blue, red and orange. The Hatter thrust and pinned his waist against hers, and his seed filled deep within her uncharted passage.

And Alice realized she was wrong. Orgasms do come in different colors.

She opened her eyes, head spinning and dizzy. And soon she felt the table at her knees, the cool air blowing against her legs and face, and the heat of Minnie at her chest and the Hatter softening within her.

The four of them stayed still, all of them connected. All of them one. Her legs felt wobbly. She had to rest on Minnie’s back. The Hatter lay on top of Alice. She felt the weight of his love. It made the love feel solid. Real.

“Okay,” Minnie said. “I’m getting squished.”

The Hatter climbed off the table, and Alice carefully pulled out of Minnie, backing up on the table.

The Hatter caressed Alice’s face and said, “Lovely. Thank you.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek.

Minnie and the Hare held each other. The Hatter went to their side. When they saw him, they each reached out an arm to him. The Hatter put his head close to theirs to hug them as best as he could.

I believe I actually had an orgasm. Maybe that was all it took, to be penetrated in that untouched passage.

She took the spout in her hands and said, “This is like a regular, ceramic teapot.”

Her waist tingled and the teapot separated itself from her. She set it on the table, climbed off, and put her underwear back on. It was time to move on.

She turned to wish her friends goodbye, but Minnie had turned herself around, lying with her back on the Hare, and now had the Hatter on top of her in her arms. They were in a sweet embrace, in their own world. Better not to disturb them.

She wandered towards the forest.

Wow, I actually had an orgasm.

Since she could climax, she wasn’t a freak after all. She could, in fact, love a man as much as any other girl. And just wait until Carol heard about her successful orgasm!

Alice giggled. “I feel like I’m walking on air!”

Her giggles turned to laughter as she floated above the ground, the earth no longer pinching her feet. She scampered toward the forest of plants letting the puffs of air at her feet lead the way.

EXCERPT FROM “Alice’s Salacious Adventures in Wonderland”

[tgrailwar-zero]

... leaving aside the fact that some Servants have categorically, measurably better luck than others... do we even have enough cash to blow on gambling?

... is there a signup fee for the Flaming Bout or can we just put out hat in the ring?

.... Caster, Caster, dear beloved empress, why did you make me think about gambling- now I wanna test my luck... the slot machines are calling to me... the poker tables are calling to me... the roulette wheels- well maybe not the roulette wheels, but...

Rider, please be a voice of reason on this...

NERO: "I cannot relate to those urges that you and Saber seem to have. I only like games of chance if I win. Who wishes to lose money? Money is to be spent, not wasted."

CONSTANTINE: "I get the feeling there's no stopping you all. I'll watch the little one and wait in the lobby, maybe ask around. Don't spend too much in one place, like you said we don't know if there's an entrance fee yet. Just… be careful."

CONSTANTINE: "Not a bad idea. I'll see what I can find related to our Pharaoh, and keep the little one with me. I'd rather the child not get caught up in the gambling."

MUSASHI: "I'll keep them safe, okay?"

CONSTANTINE: "Oh, like it's just them I'm worried about? You stay out of trouble too, Saber."

With that, he stepped off on his own, taking the little guy by the hands.

(CONSTANTINE has temporarily left the party!)

She feigned a deep gasp, as if gravely offended.

MUSASHI: "I don't cheat, I strategize. And I'm better at swordfighting. Playing cards would be fun, but I probably couldn't pull a ton off without a plan first. Or... what's it they say in modern movies? 'Casing the joint'?"

That was about right. The voice matched up.

Your Assassin, OKADA IZOU...

ASSASSIN... he was surly, loyal to a fault, and had horrible gambling luck. Far from the most heroic of individuals, but he wasn't an unpleasant person to be around-- when he was in a good mood at least.

He was also notoriously bad at gambling, and yet notoriously obsessed with it, if your memory served you right.

Outside of the 'black box' prison, he had also died at the hands of KARNA after killing ASCLEPIUS, but considering those memories were much less clear, it was best to remember the good times like 'Grail Force'.

IZOU was a blade, coated with blood and grime, but as effective as even the most luxurious of swords.

Approaching the table, you could see that he wasn't in the best of moods or situations.

IZOU: "Hey… mind loaning me a few bucks? Not a lot, just enough so I can afford this blind..."

GAUDY MAN: "Wahahaha! Why? What's the fun in winning my own cash back?"

GAUDY MAN: "However, if you really think you can pay me back… I'll loan it, with interest."

IZOU: "You're downright criminal, you know that?"

GAUDY MAN: "Come on, what if you win this time? And win big too, so that you actually turn a profit."

IZOU: "Bastard…"

Despite his cursing, you could already see him rummaging around in his wallet.

GAUDY MAN: "Attaboy. You need to spend money to make money, my friend. And see? Your goodwill has been rewarded by a couple of beautiful women and their pet ominous shadow gracing our presence."

They seemed to have noticed your arrival, looking up from the table as you, NERO, and MUSASHI approached.

OKADA IZOU, abruptly stood up, pointing in your direction. Or, more specifically, in MUSASHI's direction.

IZOU: "Saber? Saber, if that ain't you! Long time no see! I could never forget a pretty face like yours!"

It seems like he didn't pay much attention to you at the moment. You weren't exactly sure what you looked like previously, so there was a solid chance he just didn't recognize you.

MUSASHI: "I didn't think you'd be here, Assassin. How are things?"

IZOU: "Ah, the summonin' is a new deal. But... Say, do you and your rich-looking friend have some PPT you can loan an old pal? I swear I'm good for it."

MUSASHI: "Straight to asking for money? Assassin… take the war out of the picture and you're just sort of a slimeball, huh?"

IZOU: "C'mon, you're breakin' my heart here."

NERO: "As far as men go, I'd opt to call them both unsavory in very different ways."

GAUDY MAN: "Well, 'Assassin', don't just start up a conversation without introducing me. Especially in the company of such lovely ladies and their... well, dark and looming bodyguard, I presume?"

The man by IZOU spoke up, lightly clapping the Assassin on the back. He had a roguishly charismatic air about him, and seemed as slick as he was strong. He had the eyes of a schemer, similarly to CASTER.

DURYODHANA: "My name is Duryodhana, a pleasure. Though, when I grace the battlefield, the crowds have taken to calling me 'Jishnu'. It means 'Triumphant', where I hail from. I know, I know, it's a lot, but what can I say? The people call it as they see it."

MUSASHI: "Nice to meet you. You can just call me 'Saber', for now."

NERO: "I am Emperor Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. Though Emperor Nero will suffice."

DURYODHANA: "An Emperor? Well, how about that? I'm royalty myself! How about some drinks for our new friends? I've come into quite a windfall recently thanks to my swordsman friend here, you see. Hahahahaha!"

DURYODHANA flagged down some of the waitstaff as he cackled heartily, as IZOU placed a hand on his blade, smiling wickedly.

IZOU: "Oh, fuck off… I'll kill you, you know? Stab you right through that exposed gut."

DURYODHANA: "I'd love to see you try."

The two men, the former with the eyes of a killer and the latter with the glare of a demon, stared at one another.

There was a moment of tension where you really thought they actually would slaughter each other in the middle of this casino, before they both laughed and clinked their drinks together.

[aphroditeslover11]

If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around

Neil Lewis x Reader

I’m back and this is the cheesiest, fluffiest thing I have ever written!

Neil and you had been friends for as long as either of you could remember, it was tradition that your families would spend a lot of time together around the Christmas season. Your parents had been friends since before you were born, and eventually decided that they wanted to become neighbours. Neil had been born three years before you, but as soon as you were old enough to join in with his games he refused to spend a moment separate from you. It was him that you had always gone to when you were having a problem with homework, granted he wasn’t the smartest but he always tried his best. It had also been him that you had phoned six months ago after going through the break-up from hell. You didn’t really know why you had made that decision, you had moved away from home that year to go to univerisity and he was busy opening a video store in another town with some friends, but for some reason he felt like the only person you could talk to, that would want to listen and understand. 

For you that night had signalled regaining contact with an old friend, becoming close again, for Neil it had been something quite different. He had had feelings for you ever since you were 17, of course he knew it was inappropriate given that he was twenty, so he just stayed away. Now you were twenty yourself, desperate and calling him for help, and all because you had been hurt by some other man. For him, this phonecall had reignited the spark that he had tried so hard to extinguish, burying it under a blanket of indifference and denial to try and move on with his life. His feelings for you had clearly not gone away.

Neil needed a plan, Christmas was on its way and he had a good feeling, perhaps now was the perfect time to really tell you how he felt. He went into Gumshoe Video alone one evening, clearing the entire Christmas shelf into a bag and taking them home to watch any romances he could find - this was the best place to find an idea. He finally stumbled upon love actually, the fourth film he had watched that night, at around 3am. His idea was born.

~

You had gone home for Christmas, your parents were throwing a party for Christmas Eve as they did every year and everybody in the neighbourhood had been invited. For some reason though, Neil was nowhere to be seen. You were disappointed to say the least. It was around nine o’clock  when there was a knock on the back door. Everybody else was half-drunk and doing Christmas karaoke so it was you that went to get it. You opened the door, bracing yourself for the inevitable cold gust, only to find Neil on the other side, wrapped in a big coat with a hat, scarf and gloves. You were about to pull him inside when he moved back, putting a finger to his lips to tell you to keep quiet. He walked off to the side then, seemingly to get something. What the hell was he playing at? He returned moments later with a pile of white sheets of paper, holding them up for you to read. He had such an anxious smile on his face.

Y/N, we have grown up together. Read the first one, he then promptly dropped it, revealing the next one behind.

You were my best friend and I was yours. Next sheet.

We’ve always been partners in crime. I still remember getting bollocked for covering your mum’s car interior in glitter because it was her birthday. He dropped that again.

By this time next year I might be a millionaire.

Maybe I’ll be dating Keira Knightly.

But there is something that I really want for Christmas. He dropped this to reveal the final slide, with a picture he had taken of you laughing at a barbecue last year. Below it was written Will you be mine? He shrugged, opening his arms and inviting your answer.

You ran out into the cold, laughing and smiling in glee. You threw yourself into his embrace as he dropped the slide in the process. You reached up to his face, crashing your lips against his in a warm and comforting kiss. You only broke it to answer his question:

“Yes Neil. Yes, I’ll be yours.”

[alienwritestoo]

Philza Minecraft is a wizard who accidentally became immortal after meditating too hard.

Missa Sinfonia is an engineering student who got turned into an vampire after going to his first (and only) frat party.

Decades later, they bump into each other at the bar Forever Anonymous.

------

"So you... don't want to be immortal?" Philza eyes his drinking partner.

"Hell no," Missa scoffs. "I have to get my engineering degree again." He puts his head in his hands. "I chose the wrong career for being a vampire, man."

"Oh thank god." The blond wizard relaxes. "I thought I was the only one who hates immortality, mate." He puts on his hat. "Say, I've been researching a way to reverse it. Want to join me?"

The dark haired vampire clasps his hand desperately. "Please!"

------

Years pass in their pursuit to reclaim their mortality. Missa makes himself helpful to the cause- "It's okay to take a break Philza, have some enchiladas so I can live vicariously through you!"- and fashions them in the mortal regalia of the decade as time slips through their fingers like quicksand. He keeps them to a schedule of new names, new jobs, and new towns so nothing inconvenient props up once they've figured out the cure.

They take a small detour for Philza to conquer Antarctica for a couple of decades, but it was well worth it for the penguins. And it helps that there's never much sunlight during the times of year they're there, and the vampire can't really feel cold. It becomes Missa's favorite vacation destination.

Returning to their home in not-Antarctica is less exciting for a vampire who can't be in the sunlight.

"Are we there yet?" Missa complains as he sits at their normal kitchen table, eying Philza's sandwich mournfully as it sits untouched and unappreciated.

"Not yet." Philza smashes golden applies into a blender hooked up to an absurd amount of redstone circuits behind the wall. His eyes glow purple as he waves his wand, mummering an incantation as the machine screeches impassively. "Maybe this will work?"

Missa drops his head and sighs. Being an immortal vampire can be very, very boring. Maybe he should visit the penguins and see his Great, Great, Great Grandchicks.

------

Philza sighs as he rolls into bed. He waits for ten minutes before slipping into Missa's room and pretending to be really, really cold.

"No problemo, Philza," Missa says as he opens his cold arms wide. "I'll warm you up." He teases with a quirk to his lips.

The wizard sinks gratefully into the cool skinned embrace of his vampiric companion. A couple of decades ago, his face would be turned carefully away in embarrassment while spending time internally combating a sexuality crisis, but the immortal has long realized that labels are bullshit and he can ask for a hug if he wants one, dammit.

"What's on your mind?" The cold-skinned vampire asks him, seeing right through his bullshit.

"Forever told me he's in love with me." Philza confesses softly as he lies prone in Missa's embrace. "But he's not actually, because I remind him of his old partner from when he was mortal. Same hair, eyes, taste in clothing-" His chest grows tense. "I saw the pictures. Which I know it's really sad that Forever's life partner was mortal and gone, but I hate that it means I'm being seen as an imitation of someone else instead of the person I am. And it's not like I reciprocate his feelings-" He glances up at Missa. "But I wish we were at least friends, you know?"

Missa huffs. "He's a pendejo, Philza. We should going to his terrible bar."

"We did meet there." Philza reminds him, both amused and pleased by his partner's defensiveness on his behalf.

"We'll go to other bars!" Missa counters irritably.

"There aren't any other immortal bars, Missa." Philza points out logically.

"Well, he has to pay somehow." Missa's grip tightens in anger with vampiric strength, before he remembers himself and loosens his hold. "I'm not letting him get away with treating you like a convenient replacement for a ghost. It's rude, man!"

"We'll think of something." Philza placates with a suppressed smile. "Let's sleep on it. Okay?"

Missa hurumps and settles down to meditate. "Only if we think of something better. Otherwise, you know I'll burn that place down, Philza."

They both drift into unconsciousness and wake later with revenge in mind.

------

The strange pair walks into the latest government's registration office right before close in winter. They complete an absurd of paperwork and giggle as they walk out.

A few weeks later, they receive marriage certifications in the mail and proudly display them above a picture of a sulking Forever.

When their friends ask why, Missa starts to theatrically sob and accuse them of not believing in true love. Philza, without an ounce of shame, always just laughs.

They both refuse to elaborate.

------

"Ta da!" Missa jazz hands as he slides into view. "I found us a son!"

Philza blinks as he stands in the foyer of their home, looking down at the dragon hatchling stabbing him in the leg with a wooden sword. "A what now?"

The child is wearing a duck floatie. They don't own a pool. He has never been more confused in his life.

Philza accepts he has a son minutes later after listening to a peacefully dull, ordinary tale that makes him relax about the decision his husband made. Something about an adoption center ran by polar bears, a "Federation" kidnapping them at some point, inconsequential stuff. They could absolutely raise this child with no worries whatsoever.

He corrects the child's form. "Now this is the way to stab someone, mate." The child chuffs happily and proceeds to stab him a bit better than last time. The immortal wizard looks up at his husband. "What's his name again?"

"Chayanne!" The vampire' grin drops at the murder in Philza's eyes.

"I thought I said that name is banned in this house!" Philza yelled, chasing him around the house with his son's wooden sword. "No cheating!"

"I'm sorry!" Missa wailed before getting thwacked. "Its a good name!"

The name inevitably sticks after the dragon hatchling refuses to answer to anything else. The immortal family of two swiftly, and spiritedly, becomes three.

------

"How did we meet again?" Missa asks his husband as they curl up around the fireplace.

"Oh that?" Philza hums considerably. "I think we were at Forever's bar and bonded over something we both really, really hated. Can't remember what it was, though."

Missa gasps. "Wait, I know!"

"What was it?"

"Engineering." The vampire says gravely.

"No wonder mate." Philza groans. "Not worth relearning how things actually work every decade."

"I know, right?" Missa says, sitting up as he becomes more passionate. "I'm so glad I switched careers to creating destruction wherever I go and reaping mortal souls by drinking all their blood like a mortal Capri sun."

"That really is so much better, king." Philza agrees. "I think Chayanne would be perfect at that when he's older."

"He's 200 years old, cariño." Missa reminded him. "Our little huevo chose to fight God with Uncle Etolies, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember now." Philza lies. "I heard on the news, after the Capri Sun ad, which, I don't know how that company lasted so long-

Missa suspiciously smirks. All the employees are his minions.

"-That the sun's going to collide with the earth in the next five years."

"Can it be sooner than that? I can barely remember Forever, and he's got a name that we have to say all the time." Missa groans. "Immortality, forever, whatever man!"

"Yeah our memory's fucked." Philza chuckles.

The married immortals stare into the fireplace and hope they haven't forgotten anything important. They go to bed to meditate the night away.

"Shit shit shit!"Missa slaps Philza out of his trance, who rolls over in protest. "Get up, old man!" A bucket of water dumps over his head. And then lava, which tickles. "We forgot Chayanne's birthday!"

------

End of fic

[pony-central]

Character Analysis - SMG3

Hello again, fellow SMG4 fans. Today, we're gonna be taking a look at the guy who conquered The Internet Graveyard - SMG3.

Now, looking at the picture here, you can see that SMG3 is a good character. Which is true. He's improved a lot since The YouTube Arc. Take it as Character Development of some kind.

SMG3 is a Meme Guardian who came to the Mushroom Kingdom in a USB Flashdrive that was originally meant to go to the Internet Graveyard, as shown in SMG4's Origins. It was back then that SMG3 and SMG4 had a rivalry, which dissolved after they became friends.

SMG3 appears as the same height as SMG4, but takes on a different look. Just like the Meme Man, SMG3 had two redesigns to no longer look like a Mario recolour. SMG3 has red eyes, facial hair and black hair. He is shown wearing an indigo hat with a cut on the brim, long sleeved shirt and dark purple overalls, which were originally black overalls. He also wears black studded boots and white gloves with black cuffs. The gloves have the Roman numeral of the number 3.

One of his concepts had him with spikes as the base for his gloves, and another one had him with black gloves.

SMG3's story started as early as 2011, where he was shown to have a disliking of SMG4, and began ripping off the latter's videos to get back at him for being a better Meme Guardian. Nine years later, SMG3 was punished for his actions by being sent to the Internet Graveyard as a proper punishment. He was easily able to rule over IG.

Throughout most of the current seasons, he was sometimes the voice of reason, as seen in Mar10 Day, where he tried to reason with SMG4 for causing a ruckus at the party. That shows us that he was just trying to calm Four down, only for this to not work.

Throughout all of It's Gotta Be Perfect, as the keyboard was corrupting SMG4 like crazy, SMG3 was shown to have some moments where he did genuinely care for SMG4's safety. That's the sign of a true friend. Once SMG4 does release himself from the keyboards grasp, Three is the first to smile at him, with happy tears in his eyes, knowing that his friend had saved himself.

In the past we've seen how SMG3 acts whenever SMG4 calls him a Tsundere, or if he states that SMG3 is sometimes insecure. There have been times where Three refers to him as "Baka", which could indicate that Three thinks of SMG4 and himself as being "more than just friends". Heh heh. This results in SMG3 having a small blush whenever calling SMG4 "Baka".

War of the Fat Italians 2023 had some classic funny moments, including Mission 10. This is where we need to talk about Snowtrapped. Ha ha.

In case you know already, Snowtrapped is a blooper of SMG4 that came out in 2016. It was famous for the moment that happened at 6:50, which was the question in WOTFI 2023's 10th mission. And let's just say that fans did not see both igloo references coming at all. I was jut laughing throughout the mission, which was a success.

Now let's talk about SMG3's Sussy Notebook, which was never seen again after WOTFI 2023.

SMG3 notebook is a purple notebook with yellow bands on the edges, warning people to "Keep Out", as it has secrets about SMG4 and SMG3. It was first shown in The Watermelon Man, as SMG3 was shown writing in it. It has since became a recurring item up until the latest WOTFI. Nobody knows what secrets it has until it became official Merch.

His relationship with SMG4

SMG4 and SMG3, AKA SMG34/SMG43 (depends on what you guys use), is a popular ship on the Internet that's either used in a platonic way or a romantic way. Sometimes the fans go too far with it an create angst, sometimes it becomes evident over the course of the show. We will talk about more SMG34/SMG43 moments in another analysis soon.

The analysis of the SMG34/SMG43 ship is next on out Character Analysis. Also, suggest ideas in the notes for anyone you want an analysis of from different shows after the SMG34/SMG43 analysis is done.

[all-the-things-2020]

Stalker - A Late Night Talking Story

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x OFC (Emily)

Rating: PG

Warnings: description of online stalker behavior, gun violence

Summary: Not long after their wedding, Dieter and Emily realize they have an online stalker … who wants to replace Emily.

Word count: 4400

Tag list: @rhoorl @avastrasposts @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @gwendibleywrites @weho2kcmo

Wedding photos started popping up on the internet right away. First were the ones our family and friends posted on their social media accounts, which were copied and posted elsewhere by fans. Dieter had posted a few photos of me on his Instagram with the caption “My beautiful wife” and those had gotten quite a reaction. Then the ones People had bought from our photographer hit their website and all hell broke loose on Tumblr.

I was on the couch, scrolling on my phone, laughing at some of the comments and tearing up at others, when I came across something rather disturbing.

“Hey, have you seen this?” I asked Dieter. He was on his iPad, reading a script that his agent had emailed him.

“Hmm?”

“This comment on your Insta post,” I said, showing him my phone. He put down his tablet and took my phone.

“Holy shit,” he said.

“That was my reaction, too,” I said. Most of the comments were congratulations or a series of heart emojis or other positive messages. This one was … not.

“Fuck that whore bitch to hell! Stealing my man. She’ll pay.”

Dieter logged into Instagram on his tablet, deleted the comment and blocked the user. “Sorry about that, babe, I should have gone through all the comments and caught that.”

“No worries, there were thousands,” I replied. I used to go through all my comments but after getting so many followers, I couldn’t keep up anymore.

Out of curiosity, I checked my list of followers and sure enough, the same username was on my list.

“Mrsbravoforreal ,” I read. I clicked on the account and scrolled through her photos. They were all pictures of Dieter, some of them photoshopped poorly to include a woman who I assumed was the account owner. She was in her twenties, wore way too much makeup, had badly dyed blonde hair and tight clothes that did nothing to flatter her.

“Should we be concerned about this?” I asked.

Dieter scrolled through her photos and nodded. “I’ll talk to my manager in the morning,” he said. “I wouldn’t bother except for that comment. There are always wacko fans out there, but something about this doesn’t seem quite right.”

I shuddered. Not quite right was an understatement. I poked around on Tumblr until I found a blog with some of those same photos. “Oh, shit,” I said. This account was called “oneandonlymrsbravo” and included not just photos but some rather detailed and graphic fan fiction written about Dieter himself, not his characters.

“Now what?” Dieter said, and I showed him a post that described in excruciating (and badly written) detail how the narrator gave him a blow job in the back of a limousine on the way to a movie premiere.

“That … that was …,” he just shook his head.

“I know,” I said. “It’s got to be the same person. The photos are the same.”

“Write down that username,” he said. “And get some screenshots just in case she takes it down later.”

“You should have taken a screenshot of that comment before you deleted it,” I said.

“Shit, yeah,” he said. “Did she post anything on your account?”

I scrolled back through my posts, checking the comments carefully. Sure enough, I found several:

“Die bitch,” on a photo of me and Dieter at a friend’s birthday party.

“Fat old cow,” on a photo of me in a bathing suit and a floppy sun hat reading a book by the pool.

“Fuck you, he’s mine,” on a selfie of me and Dieter at the park eating ice cream cones.

“I’ll kill you, bitch,” on a picture of me in my wedding dress getting ready for the pre-wedding photo shoot.

“Maybe we should call the police instead of your manager,” I said, as another shiver ran down my spine.

************************************

We reported mrsbravoforreal AKA oneandonlymrsbravo to the police, who sent us the forms to file a complaint but said they couldn’t do much. They would try to find out her real name from Instagram and Tumblr but their privacy policies might not allow them to release that information. Unless they did, we would have no idea who this woman was or where she lived.

“Honestly, until she actually tries to do something, we can’t do anything,” the officer told us. “If she shows up on your property, we can charge her with trespassing, or if she tries to physically harm either of you, we can charge her with assault. Otherwise, our hands are tied.”

Dieter hung up the phone, which we’d had on speaker. “Well, they weren’t much help,” he said.

“I just hope she’s not local,” I said. “I don’t like knowing she’s out there.”

He opened his arms and pulled me into a tight embrace. “Neither do I,” he admitted. “Maybe we should hire some security and upgrade the alarm system on the house.”

I hated the idea of having to hire security guards but with the police admitting their hands were tied, it did make sense. “That might be a good idea,” I said quietly.

“It’ll be okay, sweetie,” he said. “She’s not going to hurt us. I promise.”

****************************

The alarm company came out the next day to upgrade our system, installing about a million motion sensitive cameras around the perimeter of the property and putting in a control panel that made the dashboard of the Millenium Falcon look like a pocket calculator.

“I think I need to get a degree in electrical engineering to operate this thing,” I said, flipping through the instruction manual.

“There’s a video on the website,” the technician said. “It’s not as complicated as it looks.”

“You don’t know my husband,” I told him. “I just barely taught him how to delete voicemails off his phone.”

“Hey,” Dieter said, swatting at my arm. The technician laughed.

Later that afternoon, the private security company that Dieter had contacted sent out a pair of security guards. They were large, heavily muscled men with military style haircuts. Charles was African American, soft spoken and very serious. Leandro was Latino, boisterous and joking.

“Can you show us what information you have on this woman?” Charles asked. I showed him her social media accounts and the screenshots of her comments on our posts.

“Bat shit crazy,” he said after a few minutes. “We’ll take care of you, ma’am, don’t worry.”

The two of them sat down with their phones out and started asking us our schedule for the next week. I didn’t have much going on, but Dieter had some commitments and Charles and Leandro quickly set up a schedule. When Dieter was out and about, one of them would follow him, while the other stayed with me; if we were both at home, one of them would be on call while the other kept an eye on our house. We all exchanged cell phone numbers, so we could quickly get hold of them in an emergency. We also gave them access to our alarm system app.

“Okay, I’m on tonight,” Leandro said. “I’ll be outside in my car for the most part, but I might do a perimeter patrol once or twice. I can watch the camera feed on the app, but I’ll turn off the alert function if I do a patrol so it doesn’t go off and scare you.” He laughed. “Forgot to do that one time and the family’s abuela came at me with a chancla. You do not want to piss off a Mexican grandmother, I’ll tell you.”

When we went to bed that night, I couldn’t settle down. We’d set the alarm on “STAY” mode, which meant we could walk around the house without setting it off, but I was still worried it would accidentally go off.

“Go to sleep,” Dieter said, snuggling close. “The alarm is on and Leandro’s outside. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“I know,” I said. “I just feel like we’re being held captive in our own home. I mean, she’s the crazy one and we have to be locked up like prisoners.”

He smoothed my hair and pressed a kiss against my forehead. “I know, it sucks,” he said. “Hopefully, she’ll get bored and move on and we can forget about the bodyguards.”

I murmured my agreement and kissed him back, but I wasn’t so sure this woman was going to give up so easily.

****************************

I had blocked Wacko Lady (as we’d taken to calling her) on all my social media accounts, but after a week or two I noticed some familiar comments on my posts. This time, the username was thereallyrealmrsbravo and while the first few comments were relatively mild, they soon turned extremely nasty. I took a screenshot of every one before finally blocking her again. A week later, I started getting comments from iamtherealmrsbravo and I got really scared.

“You’re going to die, bitch. Watch your back.”

“Nice house. I’m gonna like living there.”

“You’ll look nice in that dress in your coffin.”

I took screenshots and forwarded them to Charles and Leandro, as well as blocking her and reporting her to Instagram yet again, then called Dieter. He was in New York for a few days doing some promotional stuff for a theater company he’d worked with in the past.

“I’m getting really scared,” I told him. “She’s nuts.”

“I know, she’s posted some shit on my account, too,” he said. “I was talking to some of the folks here, and one of them suggested you create a tumblr profile and start asking around about her, see if anyone knows who she really is. Maybe send messages to some of the people who react to her posts.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said. “The police certainly aren’t doing shit.” Every time she posted another threat, I emailed it to the LAPD officer who was assigned to our case, but didn’t get much feedback from him.

“Or we could hire a private detective,” Dieter suggested. I liked that idea.

“Even better,” I told him. “I’ll look into that.” I sighed. “Sorry to dump all this on you, babe.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there to help you deal with it,” he replied. “Hang in there, sweetie, I’ll be home the day after tomorrow.”

“I know,” I said. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” he said. We hung up and I started searching the internet for private detectives in Los Angeles.

**************************************

Charles walked discreetly a few feet behind me, close enough that it was clear he was my bodyguard, but far enough away not to invade my personal space. I was starting to get used to being escorted this way, mostly because both Charles and Leandro were so good at their jobs.

We went into the high rise building on Wilshire where the private investigator I was thinking of hiring had her office. She was an expert at cyber crimes, which was why I wanted to talk to her. If anyone could figure out who Wacko Lady was, it was Miranda Cortez.

As we walked through the lobby, I caught a glimpse of peroxide blonde hair heading out the other door, but whoever it was was gone by the time I could turn my head. I got startled every time I saw a fake blonde in my peripheral vision, and there were plenty of bottle blondes in L.A. so it happened a lot. I dismissed the incident from my mind as Charles and I got on the elevator and rode silently to the 22nd floor.

Ms. Cortez’ office had a sleek, modern waiting area, where I left Charles. I was ushered into her private office, which was much homier, with dark wooden bookshelves and comfy leather armchairs. Cortez herself was polished and professional, in a grey suit and red stiletto heels.

“So you have a stalker,” she said once I was settled into the chair across from her.

“Yes,” I said. “Have you had a chance to look over the screenshots I sent you?”

She nodded. “I took a glance. With my connections, I should be able to help you find out who she is. After that, you still have to rely on the police, but at least you’ll know who you’re dealing with.”

She slid a piece of paper across the desk with an obscenely large figure written on it. “I know my fee is high,” she said apologetically, “but high tech is expensive and so is this office.”

“I understand,” I said. I was still getting used to being what most of my friends and family would call “rich.” I had full access to both Dieter’s personal bank account and the corporate one. We could afford Ms. Cortez’ fee.

“Let’s do this,” I said.

“Okay, Mrs. Bravo,” she said. “Let’s find out who this crazy bitch is.” She laughed and pulled out a contract for me to sign.

I signed the contract, giving her permission to access all my social media accounts, and gave her my passwords and other login information. “I may need to create some new accounts in your name or under fake names,” she said. “If I need any photos or other information, I’ll let you know.”

We said goodbye and I collected Charles. “How’d it go?,” he asked.

“Pretty good,” I said. For the first time in a while, I felt like we were getting somewhere. “Want to stop for a smoothie or something on the way home? My treat.”

Charles shook his head. “I’m working,” he said.

“Okay,” I said, shrugging. I’d tried to get Charles to relax a bit but he was always one hundred percent on task when he was working. Leandro on the other hand … he would have tried to talk me into getting a beer instead.

We retrieved my car from the parking garage and I sat back in the passenger seat as Charles drove back to the house. I’d seen another flash of blonde hair as we were paying the parking fee, but I didn’t think anything of it. Miranda Cortez was on the case, and I let myself relax.

************************

I got very detailed daily updates from Ms. Cortez, as well as a phone call every afternoon. She opened a tumblr account under the username mrsbravoforreallyreal and gave me the login information.

“Post some photos,” she told me. “Make sure they’re things that haven’t been posted anywhere else, so it’s clear that you’ve got original content. I want to try to bait her into responding to the account. The more she posts, the more data my team will have to work with.”

She also asked me to take and post some specific photos on Instagram and Twitter, basically different content on all my social media platforms. Since she could also log in, she could see every comment. It wasn’t long before there were some responses.

About a week after I’d hired her, I got an email from her with the subject line “Bingo!”

“Deet!” I called, summoning him from the backyard where he was messing around with the pool filter. I’d told him just to call the pool guy but like a typical man, he’d insisted on “looking at it” first.

I showed him the email. “Cortez knows her shit,” he said approvingly.

Wacko Lady was Samantha Bixby, a 23 year old dental technician school student from Fountain Valley who worked part time at a Jamba Juice. Cortez’ team had found her Facebook account and, as she said, “if you have the cash, Facebook will sell you anything you need.”

I felt a bit of relief at finally having a name, but knowing she was local was very unsettling. She could have been any of those glimpses of blonde hair I’d seen over the past few weeks.

I forwarded the email to Charles, Leandro, and the police officer, then replied to Ms. Cortez, thanking her profusely.

“Now what?” Dieter asked.

“Cortez said we have two choices,” I said. “We can just sit on the information and see what she does, or we can have a lawyer draft a letter to her letting her know that we know who she is and that we’ll take legal action if she doesn’t cease and desist.” I ran my hand through my hair, a nervous habit I’d picked up from Dieter. “That might scare her enough to make her back off, or it might tip her over the edge, depending on how unstable she is.”

“What do you want to do?,” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just don’t know.”

************************************

In the end, we decided to let Samantha Bixby know we were on to her. If the lawyer’s letter scared her off, the problem would be solved. If it provoked her to step up her harassment, then maybe we’d finally have some reason for the police to get involved. It was risky, but with the alarm system as well as Charles and Leandro, we felt pretty safe.

Two weeks after the letter went out (delivered by registered mail, so we knew she’d received it), there hadn’t been any comments from any of her accounts, even though Dieter and I had both posted several photos. I was starting to relax for the first time in months. Then the power went out.

It was a windy night, one of those Santa Ana winds that just keep blowing and blowing, grinding away at everyone’s nerves, fanning wildfires and knocking out power poles right and left. As soon as the lights went out, my cell phone rang. It was Charles, who was on duty that night.

“Looks like power’s out on the whole block,” he said. “Your alarm should switch to backup battery but I don’t think the cameras will work, so I’ll walk the perimeter every so often until the power’s back on. If you need anything, call me.”

“Okay, be careful out there,” I replied. I knew how crazy the winds could be, sending flying debris everywhere.

Dieter found some candles and our battery operated lantern. “Charles?,” he asked when he came back into the room.

“Yeah, he’s going to do perimeter checks until the power comes back on, since the cameras won’t work, but he said the alarm itself should switch to backup.”

Dieter shook his head. “No, it won’t,” he said. “They called yesterday to say there’s been a recall on those batteries and they’ll be out next week to replace it.”

“Shit,” I said, texting the information to Charles. Even though Samantha had been quiet lately, the power outage and the wind had me nervous again.

“It’ll be okay,” Dieter said, wrapping his arms around me. “Charles is out there. Let’s just call it a night and everything will be fine in the morning.”

He blew out the candles and let me into the bedroom, holding the lantern ahead of him. I started giggling, because it reminded me of Phantom of the Opera, when the Phantom is leading Christine into the catacombs on the way to his lair.

“‘What’s so funny?” Dieter asked.

“All you need is a mask and a cape, and you’d be a perfect Phantom,” I said.

“Aw, shit,” he said, shaking his head. “Just don’t expect me to sing, okay?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said. “But maybe I’ll sing for you.” I started humming “Phantom of the Opera” but he turned to face me and pressed his finger against my lips.

“No, we are not going down that road,” he said. “You get started on musicals and that’s all I hear for the rest of the week.”

“Spoilsport,” I said, but I stopped humming. We undressed and crawled into bed. The tree outside our bedroom window was tapping at the glass as the wind gusted, and I knew it was going to take me a long time to fall asleep. Dieter drifted off after about twenty minutes, but I was still staring at the ceiling an hour later.

I was just about to get my phone off the nightstand and check the SCE website for an update on the outage when I heard a noise. It was probably the wind, but something didn’t feel quite right. I palmed my phone and slipped out of bed.

As I reached the bedroom door, I saw a shadow move in the hallway, and then suddenly I was on the floor.

“Got you now, bitch,” a voice hissed in my ear.

She switched on a flashlight, blinding me for a second. As I turned away from the light, I thumbed open the Phone app and pressed “call” on the last incoming call, then shoved the phone behind the door so she couldn’t see it. I only hoped that Charles didn’t start talking too much when he didn’t hear me on the line.

“Let me go,” I said loudly, hoping to both clue Charles in on what was happening and wake up Dieter.

Samantha laughed. “Oh, I’ll let you go,” she said. “Go to hell!”

Dieter sat up, switching on the lantern, which he’d left on the bedside table on his side of the bed. “What the hell …,” he said, cutting off as he saw Samantha crouched in front of me, a flashlight in one hand and a gun in the other.

“Hi, honey,” she said with a demented giggle. “Stay in bed, baby, I’ll be there in a minute. Just got to take out the trash first.” She dropped the flashlight and pointed the gun at my head.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dieter said. “Don’t hurt her. Just … just tell me what you want and you’ve got it. Just don’t hurt her.”

“He’s right,” I said. She looked at me and I shuddered at the hatred in her eyes. “If you hurt me, he’ll never forgive you.”

She narrowed her eyes. “But if I don’t kill you, how can I take your place?”

“Think about it,” I said. “If I leave, if I go away and never come back, you can have him. But if you kill me … do you honestly think he could be with the woman who killed his wife?”

She cocked her head to one side, but kept the gun pointed at my head. “But … but how do I know you’d stay away? How do I know he wouldn’t still want you?” She started laughing. “Oh, how stupid I am … why would he want you after he had me?” She sat back on her heels and smirked. “I’m young, I’m skinny, I’m blonde, I’ve got perfect boobs, I can give him babies,” she said. She was actually preening, even as she kept the gun trained on me. “I’m everything you’re not, you fat old cow,” she spat.

I heard a noise behind her and I started sobbing to cover it up. Please be Charles, I thought. “You’re right,” I cried. “You’re right. He deserves better than me. Just … just don’t hurt me and I’ll leave. I’ll go away and never come back. You win. You win.”

She smiled at me, and then her face hardened. “No, I think I’ll still kill you,” she said.

As she leaned forward to press the barrel of the gun against my forehead, I saw Charles creeping up behind her.

“Samantha!” Dieter shouted. It distracted her just enough that her attention wavered. “Please, don’t do it. I’m yours. I’m yours, baby. But not if you kill her.”

She started to pull the gun away from me and that was enough for Charles. He lunged through the doorway, slamming her to the ground. She pulled the trigger and the gun went off, sending a bullet into the wall behind me. Charles quickly disarmed her and pulled out some zip ties from his back pocket.

Dieter was already on the phone with 911. “Yes, she tried to kill my wife. Our security guard has her subdued but we need an officer out here now.”

Samantha was squirming beneath Charles’ bulk, screaming obscenities and practically foaming at the mouth. I leaned against the wall, trying to breathe and trying not to look at the bullet hole two feet to my left. Then Dieter was at my side, and I buried my face in his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me.

“If I hadn’t had the phone in my hand,” I gasped. “If Charles hadn’t known what was going on …” I dissolved into sobs for real this time. Dieter rubbed my back, choking back his own tears, trying to be strong for me while I had a mini breakdown.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said over and over. “It’s okay.”

Leandro burst into the house a few minutes later, having been alerted by Charles, and soon after the police arrived. They dragged Samantha out of the room, then the officers took our statements. Charles went first, calmly telling them everything that had happened from his point of view, the power outage, his perimeter patrol, getting the phone call from me and overhearing Samantha’s threats. When the officer turned to me and Dieter, I was more composed, but still shaking.

I tried to tell everything in order, but the events were already starting to get jumbled in my mind. Dieter kept rubbing my shoulder and back, reassuring me without words that I was doing fine. When I finished, he kissed my temple before giving his own statement to the officer. After what seemed like hours, the police left and we were alone with Charles and Leandro.

“We’ll both be outside if you need anything,” Leandro said. “Just try to relax now. Everything is fine.”

They left and Dieter and I were alone on the couch in the living room. We sat in silence for several minutes, then I crawled into his lap, leaning my head on his shoulder and slipping my arm around his neck so I could press a kiss to his throat.

“I have never been more scared in my life,” he said quietly. “When she pointed that gun at your head ….” He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight. “I thought I was going to lose you,” he said, his voice ragged with emotion. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” He buried his face in my hair, kissing my neck and shoulder while his tears smeared across my skin.

“Me, too, sweetie ,” I said. “Me, too.”

We stayed on the couch, curled tightly together, until the sun came up and we finally felt safe enough to fall asleep. The nightmare was over, but it would take us a while to recover.

[busterswritehand]

You're Timeless To Me

-

Roughly 180 years after the events of ACOSF, Lucien looks up to find that he is surrounded by strangers. Meanwhile, Nesta realizes she has stayed still while the world around her keeps moving. Misery loves company, but these two can hardly make small talk.

-

Part 3

-

Footsteps echoed across the House of Wind. Exploring the house, Lucien noticed not much had changed besides the addition of Feyre's artwork and photographs of her family. Another nifty human invention. A way to capture the past as time escaped them.

Fashion had also changed a lot in the past century. Tunics had been swapped out for loose shirts, vests, and trousers. From what he could tell the Night Court still kept its own flair. Their more traditional silhouettes fused with the modern style Lucien had taken up wearing.

He looked in the mirror on the far side wall and fidgeted with his clothes. It almost made him look more out of place than he felt. He forgot how tentatively fae adjusted - mixing their own tradition with human modernity.

His focus shifted to one of the pictures hanging by the mirror. It was of Nyx with two other young Illyrians- who were all covered in mud and blood. The completion of his blood rite, if the memory of Feyre's letters served him correctly.

His brow furrowed in thought. The last time he had stepped foot in this place, the house had belonged to Nesta and Cassian. It seemed to have been converted into a guest house. Interesting.

There was a knock at the door. It only briefly surprised him. Feyre had said she would come to retrieve him in the morning.

Azriel had flown him to the house not too long after Nesta left. By that point, the party had died down inside. The mixed stares he received upon walking back in confirmed his suspicion that very few opinions of him had changed in the past century. Only Feyre, Gwyn, and Emerie had tried to keep the conversation flowing between them. Amren was just as indifferent as he remembered. Talking to Morrigan, Azriel, and Rhysand felt like walking on eggshells as it always had. They were either waiting for him to slip up or could barely acknowledge his existence. Cold. Unforgiving. Of course, it was nothing compared to the burning hole Nesta had stared into him for the whole night.

Another knock. Lucien shook his head; he had been lost in thought. He headed to the door and opened it to find Feyre. At least that's who he assumed it was. She wore a loose stone blue shirt with an ankle-length navy skirt. The fabric was light and multilayered, cinching at the waist with a ribbon-like belt. A floppy hat shaded her head and face - after a moment he realized that it was instead Nesta.

He looked past her.

"My sister," she said pointedly, "had a last-minute emergency that pulled her away. She sent me to entertain you."

She sounded just about as enthusiastic as he felt. Taunting her after a couple rude exchanges and a few bottles of wine was one thing. But to spend a day utterly sober and alone with her?

It took a moment before an all-too-obvious question hit him.

"How did you get up here?"

"I walked."

He huffed, amused by her dry sarcasm. She raised a brow. His expression changed to shock.

"Really?"

"No, not really," she snapped. "I'm disappointed in you, Vanserra."

She walked into the house. He watched her pass by him and spied Azriel a few steps below where she had stood. The shadow singer followed behind her, giving Lucien a cold glance over. Lucien barely noticed as his eyes stayed fixed in place. Nesta Archeron was joking. A rare sight for him. A smile tugged on his cheeks.

She took off her hat and placed it on the counter before walking over the adjacent wall. Her hair was in a downward crown of braids that wrapped around her head, secured in the front.

"Good morning." Nesta stroked one of the walls of the house like one would a pet cat. A light food spread scattered across the dining table. She gave the house a small, warm smile.

"Breakfast first," she turned to him, "then we go out."

If breakfast with Nesta and Azriel was awkward, then flying with the two was pure misery. No one looked or acknowledged each other much less talked. Lucien tried to not glance below them as the wind filled his ears. For a moment his eyes fell on Nesta who was trying to keep her skirt smoothed down with one hand and her hat planted on her head with the other. He decided that looking towards the ground was the safer option.

When they landed at the bottom of the steps, Azriel immediately disappeared into shadow without saying a word.

"You think they'd install one of those cage machines," Nesta grumbled, smoothing out her skirt.

"You meant an elevator?" Lucien turned to her.

"Right, one of those." She simply said as she started walking. Lucien had to jog half a step to catch up.

"Where are we going," he asked, falling in time with her.

"I have some errands to run," she replied. Lucien blinked. She glanced over and continued, "I'm not Feyre's servant. If she wants me to show you around, then you will tag along for the plans I already made."

He hadn't thought about that - not that he had time to. Was it normal for Feyre to haphazardly disrupt her sister's day like this?

"I'm sorry for interrupting your day." Lucien's reply might have had a slight bite but it was a sincere apology.

Nesta faced the path ahead again.

"It's fine I could use the company." She gave him a sly look. "I hope you like betting."

He returned it with a devilish smirk.

Nesta lead Lucien down the sidewalk through the heart of the city. It was a considerably hot day for the changing seasons. Winter was turning into spring. Flowers were in bloom and cafes began to open outdoor seating back up. It seemed like the perfect place to take a leisurely stroll, but Nesta was making a beeline for the outskirts of the city.

Lucien did not dare to ask any questions as to where they were going. It wasn't until they approached a set of buildings by a clearing that he realized where they were headed. He started walking towards the front doors when Nesta grabbed his wrist.

He looked over at her, puzzled. She pointed with her head toward the side of the property where a magnificent group of stables sat.

"A quick pit stop," she explained.

They rounded the building to a side door at the stables. A stable boy opened the door for them, welcoming Nesta with a nod. Lucien followed behind as they made their way to a brown horse with white spots around the face and hindquarters. The plaque beside the stable read "Lady Death".

"This is your horse," Lucien's question was more of a statement.

"I thought the name was clever." Nesta petted the horse along the face and mane. "She gives them a run for their money, literally."

"I didn't know you were an animal person." Lucien crossed his arms with a smug smile.

"I'm not." Nesta looked over to him, returning the look. "I just like to gamble."

His gaze softened. For a moment, he was reminded of Jurian and Vassa. The sly smiles exchanged. The sense of comfort and ease despite their sharp tounges and troublesome behavior. He missed them. Cauldron above, how he missed them.

Lucien's brief melancholia was interrupted as Nesta waved him towards the exit. He followed her out through another door that led to a betting cashier. She walked up to the counter where the cashier greeted her with a friendly hello. Nesta dropped a comfortable sum of money on the counter for her own horse. She turned to Lucien with a second sum. He looked at it hesitantly.

"Your pick," she urged

He looked over the stats of all the racehorses and picked a black stallion named High Lord. Lucien had a feeling that this horse could rival Nesta's own.

"I'm afraid I can't bet on your horse today."

She smirked, "It wouldn't be fun if you did."

An attendant rounded the corner. The faerie approached Nesta and gave her a quick kiss on both sides of her cheek. How often did she come here? The attendant led them up a few flights of stairs to a private box that overlooked the race track.

The race track was a lush green, and at the center, it contained a pond. The budding florals painted the back landscape of the track. No wonder she spent so much time here.

Lucien took a seat beside Nesta. They watched the horses and their racers prepare. The racers consisted of a myriad of faeries and fae, all different shades of the night sky itself.

"So High Lord," Lucien broke the silence, "did they name him after Rhysand because they bear a striking resemblance?"

"I heard they're practically twins," Nesta chuckled.

The ring of a bell interrupted their short conversation and with that, the horse race had begun. It didn't take long for an uproar to form from the crowd. Everyone cheered for the horse they staked their money on. Among the most vicious of them was Nesta. A fierce, competitive spirit erupted from her usually cold demeanor. Before he knew it, she was out of her seat, leaning on the railing, and hurling insults at the horse who threatened her prize.

Lucien looked over at the track to see High Lord and Lady Death were neck and neck. He jumped up in surprise, joining her at the railing. Together, they shouted in support of their own horses. Thrill raced through his body as the horses gained and lost ground to each other. For a moment, he was able to pry his eyes away from the track. Nesta was beaming beside him. She radiated delight and vigor, even as she was hollering like a war general.

As she leaned further off the railing, a gust of wind knocked Nesta's hat off her head. Before she could secure it, the hat began to fly away. Lucien hopped and was able to grab it with little effort. From the corner of his eye, he noticed a slender hand inches from him. He looked over to see Nesta practically leaning over him to get to her lost hat. They looked at each other, both keenly aware of the lack of distance between them. He placed the hat on her head, his hand accidentally brushing her stray hair. He pulled his hand away swiftly. She straightened her back while fastening the hat. Despite they're instinct to move away, neither one could break eye contact.

Roaring from the crowd brought them back to reality. They turned to the track at the same time. High Lord had won. Lucien laughed in victory. Nesta gripped the railing and groaned in defeat. However, her furrowed brows couldn't hide the smile peaking out from her lips.

"It looks like you're buying lunch," she said.

[chanis-banani]

Hi 👋 I wanted to know if you could write a night of s3x where there are mirrors (I think it's beautiful) with woodz? Thank you 🤍

HELL YEA I CAN (sorry, I'm just very excited about this concept)

Also maybe I got a little unhinged with it because this is my longest fic yet, hope that's ok oops

Pairing: WOODZ × afab reader

Synopsis: You decide to book a hotel for the night of Seungyoun's birthday. But after not looking at the photos very carefully, you're in for something a little more adventurous than intended.

Genre: s m u t . 18+

Contains: swearing, masturbation, voyeurism, dirty talk, fingering, oral, (unprotected) sex in front of a mirror, marking, more mirror sex, slight biting, slight hair pulling, creampie, did I mention mirror sex?

Word Count: (I'd rather not say) 5k words (yes it's almost all smut)

☆ smut under the cut ☆

You turn the key in the lock and open the door to the hotel room. Seungyoun follows behind you, still wearing the little party hat you gave him. Since it is his birthday, you decided to celebrate it together by traveling to that little city you’ve always wanted to visit. In the afternoon, you walked around the center together to explore and you had dinner at a cute little bistro. You had given Seungyoun one of those little party hats as a joke, but he insisted on wearing it for the rest of the day. He had only taken it off inside the restaurant because the staff were giving him slightly hostile looks and he didn’t want to be rude, but as soon as you stepped outside after eating, he put it right back on again. Even while checking into the hotel, he kept wearing the little hat. The hotel staff were less judgemental and even seemed to like his shenanigans, congratulating him on his birthday.

Both of you closely inspect the room as you enter and Seungyoun throws his bags on the bed. The sheets are a red color and made of satin. The walls are also red, with a black decorative pattern made up of little roses. Next to the bathroom door is a big cabinet. Its wooden doors are closed, but you don't need to look inside to know what's in there, since it says "toys" in big letters on one of the doors. The bed is kingsized, with red little bed curtains surrounding it. On the other side of the room, right across from the bed, a huge mirror hangs on the wall.

You look around in shock. Seungyoun looks at you and raises an eyebrow. "Y/n? Did we just book ourselves a sex hotel?" You turn to him with big eyes and laugh a little nervously. “I swear this was not my intention!” you quickly come to your defense. “I even looked at photos of the hotels! Maybe I didn’t look at pictures of every individual room, but I just assumed they would be similar. This isn’t my fault! How could I know they would have a room like this?!”

He laughs and walks over to you to press a little kiss on your lips. The contrast between the deep red satin sheets on the bed and Seungyoun’s dumb, pastel little party hat makes the situation even more absurd. “Sshh, don’t be so worried,” he coos and he wraps his arms around you to pull you into a hug. You see your own reflection in the big mirror across the bed as he embraces you. It feels a little weird, but somehow seeing your love like this also brings little butterflies to your stomach. “This room is perfectly fine,” Seungyoun continues. “We can always leave that cabinet closed and then it’s almost like a normal room. Besides, a steamy room like this is kind of exciting, isn’t it?”

- - -

While Seungyoun takes a quick shower after a long day of exploring, you lay in bed with your favorite book. You try to read, but the room somehow keeps distracting you. The satin sheets are way too smooth and not really comfortable at all. Not to mention the discomfort you feel from the “toy” cabinet that almost seems to stare you down from the other side of the room. And worst of all - the mirror. You don’t know how to feel about it. As you sit upright in the bed, you feel the constant presence of your own reflection, causing a chaotic blend of intrigue, anxiety and excitement to pool in your stomach. It feels so naughty, so weird. So wrong to even think of looking at yourself in such a filthy way. Maybe it’s the energy of the room, but somehow you feel mostly excited. The big mirror in front of you gives you the opportunity to look at yourself from all kinds of angles, seeing every single inch of yourself. It’s like the mirror is calling to you, pulling you into your own reflection.

You slide a hand under your pajama shirt and watch yourself in the mirror as you run your fingers along your own belly, shivering a little at the touch. This new, extra kind of self awareness is making you more sensitive to your own fingers than you usually are. It feels so wrong to watch yourself like this, but fucking hell, does it turn you on.

You bring your fingers down to your clit and slowly start to stroke yourself, while looking at your own reflection. You look at your own lips, noticing how your mouth hangs open a little bit. Your shirt has been pulled up to reveal your breasts to yourself through the mirror. At this point, you’re starting to run out of patience. You just want to see more of yourself. Right now.

After sitting up, you take off your shirt and toss it into the room, quickly followed by your panties. Now you sit and take a moment to simply observe your own reflection. Very slowly, you spread your legs for yourself, like Margot Robbie in The Wolf of Wall Street. Only you're not doing it to seduce anyone else. You do it because you're feeling mesmerized by your own sexuality in a way you've never experienced before. The way you can watch how your own fingertips glide along your skin, how you can watch your own little reactions when you tease yourself a little, and the sight of your own sex all made you feel almost enchanted by yourself.

Very slowly, you insert your middle finger, watching closely how it disappears between your folds. God, you’re absolutely soaked. Your own reflection looks at you with a flustered expression as you realize how wet you became for yourself. It is so shameful and exciting at the same time, you don’t want to contain yourself anymore. You begin to pump your finger into yourself with more determination while bringing your other hand down to rub your clit. Soft moans escape your lips as you get lost in the sensation, and in the eye contact with your own reflection. You add another finger, watching excitedly how it gets engulfed by your soaked pussy, along with the other one. Being able to see how you’re stretching your own cunt to fit your fingers inside is so hypnotizing.

Just when you're about to add a third finger, you're snapped out of this hypnotized state of mind by Seungyoun's figure in the corner of your eye. He leans against the wall with his arms crossed and a dubious expression on his face. You immediately pull out your fingers, heart beating like crazy in your chest. How long had he been standing there? Was he watching you this whole time? His hair is still damp from the shower and he hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt or any pants. Just his boxers, which didn’t do much to hide his arousal.

“No no, don’t be embarrassed,” he says with a warm, sweet tone, as always, “Keep going. You seemed to be enjoying yourself.” The way he just about sings these words to you makes it obvious how much he had been enjoying the spectacle of you playing with yourself in front of the mirror. You wonder if he had secretly touched himself too while he watched.

“I’m not going to touch myself while you look!” you shriek. Seungyoun chuckles and shifts his weight so he’s no longer leaning against the wall. “Well… Why don’t I help you out then?”

Before you can protest, he’s already next to you in the bed and pulls you into his lap. Your back is pressed against his chest while he leans back against the headboard. You can clearly feel his erection poking into your lower back, making you quiver a little. A shiver goes down your spine as you feel his breath in your neck and he snakes his arms around your waist, gliding his right hand down to your vulva while using his left hand to cup your breast.

“Look at us,” he says with a husky voice while making eye contact with you through the mirror. Before you can even feel it, you see how he brings his lips to your ear and gently nibbles on your earlobe. “Aren’t we magnificent?”

You squirm nervously. Your heart beats like crazy in your chest due to a combination of anticipation, humiliation, and a deep love for the man who is currently stroking his finger along your entrance. “Look how wet you are,” he says, referring to the glistening arousal on your inner thighs. He drags his fingertip up between your folds, earning a wonderful moan from you. His lips curl into a horny grin and he doesn’t break eye contact for even a second.

“Do you have any idea how appetizing you look when you observe yourself like that?” His voice is lower and huskier than before. “It drives me a little crazy…” Upon these words, he slides his middle finger and ring finger into you at once, while simultaneously biting down on your earlobe. The sudden roughness causes you to let out a yelp and you tense up in his arms.

“That’s right, baby, just let it out,” he coos softly against your ear. His warm voice makes the little hairs in your neck stand upright. You bring one hand down to hold on to his wrist of the hand he’s fucking you with, and you bring your other hand up to grab the side of his head, desperately trying to find some way to regain stability.

“Seungyoun-” you manage to say under your breath. He lets go of your ear with his teeth to leave wet, hungry kisses on your jaw and down your neck. “Hmm?” he mumbles mid-hickey against your skin, while his fingers continue to pump in and out of you. “I just-” you continue nervously between your moans, “It’s weird…”

He pauses his hickey to look up at you through the mirror with a skeptical expression and he drastically slows down the movement of his fingers. “I’ll be the judge of that,” he grins at you, slowly pulling his fingers out of your sex to give you both a clear view of how filthy wet you are, pussy swollen from arousal and friction. “Now tell me what you were going to say,” he continues in a more stern, yet playful tone. You whimper from the sudden empty feeling and let out a defeated little sigh. “I just want to see us making love… Properly. In front of the mirror?”

Seungyoun doesn’t even look remotely surprised. It’s not like he wasn’t aware of how much you were intrigued by the mirror after your little show earlier. With a playful grin, he brings his fingers up to your mouth, those same fingers he fucked you with. Through the mirror, he gives you a look that makes it perfectly clear what he wants from you and you obediently part your lips for him. “So, you want to be fucked in front of the mirror? Is that right?” His fingers slither into your mouth while he says this. You are left with no choice but to nod in agreement with his fingers in your mouth, confronted with your own pathetic reflection while you are made to taste yourself.

There’s an eager twinkle in his eyes upon this sight of you. “God…” he whispers under his breath. He quickly tries to compose himself a little and he scrapes his throat. “Your wish is my command, my dearest. But first…” Suddenly he gets up from the bed and takes your hand in his. “...first I want to taste you.”

Before you know it, you are pulled to the foot end of the bed and he places you in an upright position, with your legs hanging over the edge. In the blink of an eye, he is kneeled before you on the ground, with his head between your thighs and the most excited expression on his face. The sight of him being so adorably enthusiastic, combined with the almost primal kind of hunger in his gaze brings a familiar type of warmth to your lower belly.

Being observed and cherished by him like this while also being observed by yourself through the mirror is a weird feeling, but far from an unpleasant one. You watch the movements of your own body as it responds to Seungyoun’s sudden kisses on your inner thigh. Through the mirror, you get a clear view of his back, beautifully showing off his tattoo for you. Somehow it turns you on that he’s still wearing his boxers. It shows that he is so excited to shower you with pleasure that he almost entirely forgets about his own desires.

The sensation of his teeth gently scraping along your skin causes you to jolt up a little, which leads him to let out satisfied little hums against your inner thigh. He places his hands on top of each of your thighs to hold them tightly so you don’t accidentally move too far away from him. Something which proves to be a good idea as soon as he decides to suddenly suck on your clit. With a little yelp, you dig your fingers into his hair and hold on to him tightly.

Thanks to the mirror, you can see his body react to the way you hold his hair. His muscles tighten and he slightly arches his back in enjoyment. He never minds if you’re a little rough with him. In fact: usually that is exactly what turns him on. There is nothing he likes more than making you feel good, so your body’s reactions are rather important to him. When he is covered in little scratches and other marks after making love to you, it tells him that he’s done a good job.

You hold on to his hair even more tightly to enjoy the view of his physical reaction and you pull him more closely towards you. Seungyoun gladly responds by sticking out his tongue for you, allowing you to rub yourself against it for him. As you watch yourself in the mirror, you aren’t sure whether you look pathetic or powerful, but it doesn’t matter, because all you know is that you’re insanely horny. And you’re not the only one.

As he eats you out, Seungyoun seems to be squirming to get the slightest bit of friction for himself as well, but without much success. You grin down at him and gently pull his right hand away from your thigh. At first, he gives you a confused look, but when you guide his hand down to his own crotch for him, it seems to click. “Go on,” you say with a kind smile and you stroke his head as if he were some kind of dog. “I want to see you touch yourself for me, Seungyoun.” 

The boy shudders at your words. He has that excited twinkle in his eyes again. “God, y/n, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he whispers under his breath before obediently sliding his own hand into his boxers. The little whimpers that come from him once he starts to pleasure himself vibrate wonderfully against your clit.

Seungyoun appears needier by the minute. He starts to get more rough with you, forcing his tongue as deep inside you as possible while digging his fingers into your thigh hard enough to leave marks. The feeling of his hot, wet tongue inside your cunt like this is enough to make you throw your head back in pleasure, your vision becoming blurred with stars. You spread your legs a little wider for him and with loud moans you start to rub yourself on his face.

His moans become louder as well, but when he suddenly calls your name, you become awakened from your own state of bliss for a second. “Y/n…” His voice is low and filled with need. He is showing you those eyebrows again. His hand is no longer in his boxers and his mouth and chin are completely wet, dripping with your arousal.The sight of him like this is nearly enough to make you cum on the spot.

You give him a curious look when he suddenly begins to chuckle. "What? Why are you laughing?" Without saying a word, Seungyoun just points up to the space above the bed. You turn and lean your head back to discover that he is pointing at a second mirror. This mirror above the bed is smaller than the one on the wall, but still big enough to have a clear view of the entire bed. All this time, the black bed curtains had hidden this second mirror from you. The only time you could have seen it was when you were laying on the bed before, if you hadn't been so obsessed with the one on the wall. "How many mirrors does a person need…" you mumbled, unsure of what else to say. The discovery of a second mirror caused you to feel that warmth in your stomach again.

When you turn your head back to Seungyoun, he's no longer kneeled down on the floor. By now he is standing and his boxers have already been tossed into a corner. He reaches a hand to you and pulls you off the bed and on your feet as well. He swiftly turns you to the mirror on the wall and places himself behind you. "Time to fulfill that wish of yours," he says, after which he begins to leave long, wet kisses on your shoulder.

You are met with your own reflection again, this time also seeing Seungyoun’s reflection behind you. From this angle, you are able to see a part of the gun tattoo on his belly and you reach your hand back to run your fingertips over his inked skin, earning a little gasp from him. Both of you are completely hot and bothered and you can already feel his erection poking your lower back again.

He guides your hips into an angle that gives him easy access and aligns himself with your entrance. You let out a hopeful little moan, but Seungyoun takes a moment to tease you before giving you what you want, taking his time to stroke his tip up and down your embarrassingly wet folds. 

At this point you’re so needy for him, you won’t wait any longer and you push your ass back a little, carefully pushing yourself onto him. He moans with surprise and you moan with delightment when his tip enters you. The sensation is warm and almost soothing in a way. Through the mirror, you can see how his look of surprise quickly makes room for a warm, loving smile and he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you tightly against him. You lean your head back against his shoulder and he presses a kiss on your cheek.

“Look at you…” he murmurs against your skin while stroking your lower belly with his hands, sending tingles throughout your entire body. “Y’know sometimes you give me goosebumps?” he says with a little grin. His voice is breathy and adrenalized. Thanks to these words, he isn’t the only one with goosebumps.

He pulls himself almost completely out of you and angles your bodies in such a way you get a proper view of where the two of you are connected. Both of you become fully focused on the sight as he very slowly pushes himself back inside you again, this time filling you up with his entire length, all at once. You can only gasp and hold your breath at the sudden full feeling, making your pathetic reflection stare at yourself with an open mouth.

You reach both of your arms back to him to hold on to his hips as he thrusts into you with very long, slow strokes. The look of an intoxicating kind of pleasure is written all over your faces. “I adore you,” you mumble in between your little gasps and whimpers. Through the mirror, you can clearly see how his face lights up when you say this, showing you that familiar little twinkle in his eyes again. 

He lays two fingers on your jaw and gently guides you to face him so he can press a clumsy, yet passionate kiss on your lips. His other hand is still on your belly and now creeps its way down to your heat while he kisses you. You moan blissfully against his lips when he begins to draw slow circles on your clit, and he hums lovingly in response.

While slightly picking up the pace of his thrusts, he lets his fingers travel the area between your thighs, delighting in the slippery sensation of your arousal. He breaks the kiss and looks at you with that everlasting smile of his, raising his eyebrows at you a little curiously. “You’re even more soaked than before,” he smirks at you. Feeling a little flustered, but too horny to care, you throw a cheeky grin at him and press a quick kiss on his cheek. “Well happy birthday I guess.”

The happy twinkle in his eyes makes room for a more bold expression and he turns your head back to face the mirror again. “God, you intoxicate me,” he pants and he pulls his cock almost completely out of you again, this time to plunge into you a lot harder than before. You cry out in surprise, but Seungyoun doesn’t give you any time to adjust to his new roughness. Greedy, like a wolf who hasn’t had a meal in days, he starts pumping himself into you at a quick pace, completely bottoming out with every thrust. 

Your mind is foggy and you’re barely even aware how loudly he makes you moan for him. With your head leaning back on his shoulder and your hand desperately clinging to his hips behind you, you try to regain some sense of stability. But his hard thrusts make it hard to even think clearly, not to mention the way he’s rubbing your clit. “Seungyoun-” you squeal just when he plunges into you particularly roughly. “I’m- Ah! Getting close…”

“Not yet,” he replies firmly and after a few more hard thrusts, he pulls out of you, giving you a chance to catch your breath.

He lifts you off your feet and in the blink of an eye, you are transported to the bed. A wave of relief hits you, knowing that you can at least lay down if he’s going to fuck you like this. The relief however, soon makes room for an almost shameful feeling as you look up at yourself through the mirror above the bed. You weren’t even aware that you had spread your legs as he laid you down, yet here you are confronted with a clear view of yourself: legs spread wide open for him, hair messy, face sweaty and a cunt so wet that the arousal has dripped all the way down your thighs.

It’s exhilarating. 

Seungyoun quickly joins you in the bed to get on top of you. He gives you a warm smile, but you are too distracted by the sight of his back as he hovers over you. The defined muscles, the line where his spine is, the way his curves slim down around his waist and most importantly: the tattoo between his shoulder blades. You are completely infatuated with this display of him, his breathtaking form on top of you like this.

He chuckles a little to see you enchanted like this and he presses a kiss on your lips. “Earth to y/n,” he grins, snapping you out of the hypnotized feeling. He lovingly strokes your cheek and kisses you again. You shudder a little as his hair tickles against your own forehead. “You’re just so beautiful…” you whisper against his lips, “Please, I need to feel you.”

Seungyoun seems to agree with this sentiment, because he immediately lines himself up with your entrance again. He gives you a little look, as if to say “ready?” and you nod excitedly without any need for an exchange of words.

You wrap your arms around his neck, making sure to hold on to him a bit higher so you don’t cover up the view of his tattoo and he pushes himself into you again. He kisses you at first, but keeps the kiss short to give you room to watch the mirror as he makes love to you. It’s hard to tell what is more intoxicating, the sensation of being loved, cherished and filled to the brim by your beloved, or the display of his magnificent body.

You watch how his muscles tense and relax as he thrusts his hips and you admire the curves of his body. Observing the two of you together like this makes you feel like you're making love to a Greek god. In this moment, your heart becomes filled with warmth upon becoming so hyper-aware of the beauty in the reflection coming from above the bed. It's like you're looking at a painting by Michelangelo. The Sistine Chapel is nothing compared to the two of you.

“You’re beautiful,” you say softly, tearing your gaze from the mirror to look him in the eyes.

“Enough looking,” he replies with a cocky smirk on his face, “I want to kiss you.”

He connects his lips to yours again in a feverish kiss and intensifies his thrusts, pounding into your sweet spot at a steady rhythm. With a delighted little cry, you wrap your legs around him and pull him more tightly against you.

As the way he’s thrusting into you becomes more rough, he disconnects his lips from yours  and brings them down to your jaw and neck. He starts to leave long, warm kisses all over your skin and slowly those begin to get more rough as well. Once again you look in the mirror, this time to see how enchanted he is by you. While you are finding pleasure in watching your love through the mirror, he is delighted by the feeling of his skin against yours. His lips travel along your jaw, neck and shoulder, letting you feel their softness all over. It’s like both of you are bathing in the pleasure of each other’s existence. 

“Don’t stop, keep going,” you whisper under your breath, unsure of why you’re even saying it. Seungyoun hadn’t left even the slightest impression of wanting to stop anytime soon. Still, it seems your words got him even more fired up, because his kisses turn into hickeys. He wraps his arms around your torso, clinging on to you while he scrapes his teeth along the side of your throat, sucking on it until you feel a stinging sensation. When he moves to the other side of your neck, you can clearly see the purple mark he left on your skin. You can’t help but feel the rush - the way he puts his lips on you, the way he burns you, like a kiss of fire.

The knot in your lower stomach is intensifying at a rapid pace under his burning touch. With every thrust, he invades you deeply, making both of you lose yourself completely in blissful desire. By the desperation in his movement, you can tell that both of you can tip over the edge any moment now.

You let go of his neck to cup his cheeks with your hands and he brings his hickeys to a halt to look up at you. His ears and cheeks are flushed a deep, red color and little pearls of sweat drip down his forehead, causing his messy hair to stick to his skin.

“Kiss me while we cum,” you breathe out.

You don’t need to ask him twice. Seungyoun presses his lips against yours again and soon you find his tongue brushing against yours. The vibrations of your combined moans against each other’s lips causes both of you to get delightful goosebumps and a little shiver goes down your spine.

Anguished moans begin to come from Seungyoun’s throat and you can feel him throbbing slightly inside of you. A few more times, he hammers himself into you entirely and so roughly it causes your vision to get completely blurred. Then one more loud cry escapes him and he plunges into you as deeply as possible.This final thrust is enough to push you over the edge and you come with him.

As you reach your climax, you cling so tightly to him it hurts. The wave of pleasure becomes vastly more intense because of the heavy pulsations of his cock inside you. You grip on to his hair, unable to moan or even breathe. Your whole body tenses up and trembles with pleasure and all you can do is gasp. Soft whimpers come from Seungyoun’s mouth as he feels how your walls continue to clench and pulsate around him for a moment after he’s already ridden out his orgasm. But it doesn’t stop him from stroking your hair and cooing gentle words to you.

When your body finally relaxes again, he strokes your cheek with a sweet, but tired smile, while you struggle to catch your breath. “Ssshh,” he coos softly and he presses his nose into your cheek, “Breathe for me baby.” You nod at him and try to take slow, deep breaths while stroking your fingers through his hair to calm down. You can’t help but look up at the mirror for a brief moment, seeing the two exhausted figures on the bed, both covered in sweat. But there is something intriguing about this sight. Despite their exhaustion, the two figures in the mirror look insanely happy, euphoric even. Their figures seem to be overflowing with affection and care as they lay in each other’s arms, reveling in each other’s presence.

You press your forehead against his and let out a satisfied little sigh. “I think we should buy ourselves a big mirror…” you say hazily.

[sol-consort]

Shepard baby shower for baby ryder omg! (Honestly I fucking wish Ryder was Shepards kid. That anon who gave u that ask should've cooked for bioware....that would be awesome and add more to the "be the legend my n7 parent was" when we played as said legend! Also shepard deserves to be happy)

Miranda is that cool big income childless aunt with the best most expensive gifts (cant have kids but she really wants em. Poor miri) probably likes to check up on shepard and ryder a lot. Best aunt ever. (Miranda would be a bit awkward at first, holding a child but I think she'd warm up to it quickly. Maybe even tear up a bit if you didn't look.)

Tali is SO worried. Quarians have it bad as babies they cant leave the bubble. Gifts mutiple baby monitor too for all the vitals. Its very important in this stage to check on them! Quarians find the baby stage to be so stressful! She's ready to check baby monitors for you like a fnaf security guard. You sure you don't want her to hook you up with someone from the fleet who can install a bubble in your home?

Kaidan gifts something sweet and thoughtful. Cute n7 onesie for baby ryder, some diapers too. Diapers are expensive. Gotta make sure you have them ready, babies poop a lot. Maybe brings some of his cooking too. Probably researched too to make sure Garrus and Tali can eat some of his dishes, the sweetheart.

Ashley hauls in an entire crib by herself she and her sister used as kids, and now its passed down to you. Feel honoured, skipper. It's practically a Williams heirloom.

Wrex surprisingly has a soft gift. A cute blanket he and Eve/Bakara worked on. Or maybe all by himself. Nights in tuchanka can be tough, so he figured you would appreciate it even if your choice of planet to live on is much easier (and for weaklings, plssss move to tuchanka instead) Its useful and from the heart. He tries to hint you should name the kid Ryder Shepard Urdnot, since shepard is a honorary krogan anyways.

Liara has cute yellow flower baby pj's too with matching little socks and those little hats. She seems a bit melancholy but her smile is very geniune when she gives them.

Garrus gets one of those big baby bags. Or those baby carrier things for your back/front to carry the baby. Knowing him, probably both. Tactical and hey look, it's got pockets/belt ulities for your guns and thermal clips in case you need to shoot whilst carrying baby or the supplies, theres even room for scopes and attachments in here!... why are you raising your eyebrow like that?... did he get too carried away? (Garrus and Kaidan would be the type of dads to carry their kid anywhere in those things) with how the dlc went in quiet party version, Garrus would probably want to install a insane amount of security, making Tali's paranoid monitoring look normal in comparison. You thought Tali was paranoid? He'll show you. Both him and Shepards got a lot of enemies, and Garrus has lost a lot of good people. This baby gonna stay safe. Probably chills down after some reassuring tough. Maybe he'll tone it down a bit more... just a bit. After all, shepard keeps surviving the craziest things, so little Ryder probably will inherit that.

Grunt gets you a krogan shotgun he modified with ryders name engraved. His battlemaster's child will surely be a force to be reckoned with. Baby ryder will be a strong warrior one day, what do you mean babies cant fight right after they learn to walk? Huh!? How long will it be till he can fight ryder? Well...no matter...he got baby picture books too. Grunt himself is quite fond of reading after all. Maybe till Ryder is strong enough, they can have that in common.

Edi brings the most useful gifts she researched, it's all very sweet as she lists all her sources on child rearing and how to prepare for a child. Joker tries to pretend he didn't play a part in it, but he actually insisted on helping Edi research to get Shepard the best gifts and paid for it. Edi defiantly practiced beforehand how to properly hold a baby for days on end with a doll or a pillow.

Javik seems annoyed how lacking everyone's gifts are. In his cycle, babyshowers were much grander. More honorable, as the empire demanded it. He expected better from all the primitives, especially the asari. He muses how even with his expectations so low, this new cycle keeps dissapointing him. If he holds baby Ryder, he reconsiders finding an airlock the moment the moment the baby uses any bodily functions. So ugly. In his cycle...Well... he'd never actually held a baby before, he was a soldier. Not some caretaker or doctor. When he holds ryder he looks displeased. Its chubby and pink like a unboiled hanar, pathetic and ... yet he can't really stop looking. Ugly little primitive that keeps trying to put its sticky little fingers against his face and laughing... Well, OK... maybe it's best he does the holding, and not one of the other primitives. Not because he wants to, that's defiantly not it. Expect him to scowl harshly the moment anyone else of the crew wants a go at holding baby Ryder.

I love everything about this

Miranda constantly calls her sister to check if she's performing the cool aunt duities correctly since her sister actually had a family. Asking if giving out ten thousand credits as a baby shower gift is too little and if she needs to triple the amount.

Oh my god, Tali playing fnaf with the baby security cameras I can't. Shepard gets a call at 3am. because Tali hacked the baby monitors again to check on your child, and she saw that the blanket is almost falling off and you can't have that!! Go and gover your baby right now Shepard it is an emergency or they might get cold!

Kaidan who remembers how hard food came by in jump zero and makes sure to constantly drop by and help you with the baby food. Be it a fruit mush mix or a formula, he is ready to learn everything there is to make sure the little one is eating well. Saves you a lot of headaches too because you can drop your kid off at Kaidan and know they'll be fed and cared for.

Oh also he'll definitely use his biotics to play with the child and lift them up. He's very gentle and careful, it's endearing how much they giggle. They love the way his hair fizzles up because of his biotics, like touching the static screen of an older tv. He is the best when it comes to babysitting duty, the kid almost sees him as another parent even.

The image of Shepard going to open the door after inviting Ashley to their baby shower and Williams here comes hauling a huge ass crib with her bare hands and tells Shepard to step aside and direct here to where the baby room is.

Ashley builds the entire crib while the party is going on. Just rolling up here sleeves and telling you to send Garrus and Zaeed in here to help hold the flashlight for her while she works. Telling you all these stories about each scratch and mark on the crib and how it was used for all of her sisters. Garrus and Zaeed attempt to boobytrap the crib against intruders while she's not looking but she catches them.

Wrex talking about how Shepard should consider bringing baby Ryder for their rite ceremony on Tuchanka. How the thresher maws are waiting. Grunt volunteers so be their kresh and help baby Ryder like Shepard helped him before. Wrex bringing baby krogan Mordin with him to see Ryder and hinting at how they should be friends.

Liara is one of those people who immediately freeze when they're handed the baby to hold. Baby Ryder is giggling and running their fists over her hair and face while Liara is just staring at them, worried she might accidentally drop them and them remembering oh fuck babies response to facial features she needs to smile remember to smile.

It's the most forced nervous smile of her life. She is so out of her element. The Shadowbroker being reduced to a nervous wreck as she tries her best to act natural around Ryder and praying to the goddess inside thay they don't cry.

Then she finds out Kaidan likes to float them around with his biotics and she hands the baby back to you and goes to scold him about how it's not safe and he shouldn't risk it. How humans aren't like asari and we don't know the effects of biotics on them at this early age.

Garrus brings a toy gun that is actually a functional sniper rifle. He tries to convince you it is a good idea to have this on standby in case anyone tries to come at you while you're playing with your baby. He brings those baby books that teach you colours except it's one about sniper rifles that he handmade himself.

Lowkey suggests signing up Ryder for a turian bootcamp as early as they learn to walk. You know, just to teach them the basic self-defense techniques that any normal toddler needs, like how to check for someone's pulse point to know where to stab an air filled needle and fake a heart attack. Eventually, he gets called to build the crib with Ashley and gets busy hiding knives and emergency X Widow 6500 scopes for sniper rifles in between the wood pieces.

Just in case you misplaced your X Widow 6500 sniper rifle ultimate scope. You the one everyone has? And can't do without? Now you have a backup one! Or twelve.

Anderson being the only normal person and taking Ryrder to normal kids attraction in London. Showing them the big ben and taking them to a kid's playground as he sits with the moms and gushes about Ryder and Shepard and how proud he is of them.

One time Hackett becomes the emergency babysitter because Shepard is called in on a mission and everyone else is too far away. So he wears those baby chest straps and carries Ryder with him everywhere. The high admiral of the navy with a giggling friendly baby strapped to his chest.

Joker would be like "watch me be the kid's favourite" then completely gets ignored by baby Ryder when he comes at them all "hey little buddy"

Baby Ryder instead crawling on the ground and going to EDI. Finding the orange visor on her eyes fun to play with. EDI is definitely smug about it until Legion finally arrives and Ryder can't resist wrestling their way to freedom and crawling to Legion instead because kids love nothing more than unprotected shiny wires they could pop their head against.

Of course, Legion is very careful and never lets them, but it is amusing how hard tiny humans try to get themselves killed. Everyone quietly agrees that Ryder is definitely Shepard's kid at that moment.

Thane would run background checks on Ryder's kindergarten teachers and everyone in the area. He is able to snuff any attempt of a crazy Shepard fan to get in contact with Ryder before Shepard or alliance intel is even aware of it. He quietly guards your kid from the shadows and makes sure no harms befalls them.

During the baby shower, he can't help but get flashbacks to the birth of his Koylat. How adorable his own child was when learning to walk and grab stuff. How he missed most of those moments, how Shepard should treasure this time with Ryder.

[sooverwhitesandpinks]

Wish You Were Sober Part 2

fbh x bestfriend!reader Warnings: hurt/comfort, none really, fem reader

Part 1

You hadn't seen Harry since Friday night, and you would call it a testament to your avoiding capabilities. He texted you Saturday afternoon when he woke up. You knew he probably wouldn't remember the conversation from the night before, but you found yourself hoping he did anyway.

H☀️: breakfast?

You quickly typed an excuse about having to work on some huge project that didn't actually exist. Sunday went similarly, Harry texted you a few times asking you to take a break from your work and hang out, you reluctantly declined each time.

"He's relentless," you groaned, staring at the messages Harry had sent you so far. He'd gotten into the habit of sending you funny pictures and his random thoughts throughout the day.

"Well it's not like you're ghosting a Tinder date. You guys are best friends. You've seen him at least once a day for the past three months," Gianna reasoned, looking up from her laptop.

"But I've been short with him for days now," you told her, falling backward onto your mattress.

"I think you should just talk to him," she shrugged.

"Or I could just avoid him," you suggest, running a hand down your face.

"Until May? It's only October," she said, still typing away. You rolled onto your side to face her half of the room.

"I've avoided him for this long," you replied.

"Babe, it's Wednesday," she laughed. You groaned just as your phone dinged again. You glanced down to see another message from Harry, this time inviting you to a party Friday night.

"He just invited me to another party Friday," you announced.

"Tell him no," Gianna urged. You sighed before typing a response.

probably not this time sorry.

Only a few seconds passed before your phone dinged again.

H☀️: Are you avoiding me?

"Gianna, he just asked if I'm avoiding him," you looked up at your roommate.

"You should say yes," she laughed.

"This is serious, what do I tell him?" You shrieked.

"I don't know, I don't have a handbook on how to avoid your best friend," she responded.

"I'm just gonna ignore it, I'll answer him later," you turned your phone off.

Almost immediately, four sharp knocks rang through the room. You looked up at Gianna with furrowed brows. She hopped down from her bed and approached the door. She ducked down to look through the peephole.

"It's Harry," she whispered.

"I'm not here," you whispered back. She rolled her eyes before she opened the door just far enough so that he wouldn't be able to peek in.

"Hey, Harry, she's not here," Gianna greeted.

"Is she avoiding me?" He asked. You felt a tug at your heart strings, the poor kid sounded confused. You knew it was wrong to leave him in the dark, but you couldn't keep putting yourself in that situation.

"I think you should talk to her about it," Gianna answered after a beat of silence.

"It's kinda hard if she won't speak to me. I haven't seen her all week and she's barely answering my messages," he replied. You watched as your roommate adjusted her posture.

"Honestly, Harry, it's not my place to tell you. I do think she should talk to you, but I understand why she isn't," she told him.

"Fuck, okay. Do you know where she is?" He questioned.

"Not right now, she left a few hours ago," Gianna lied smoothly, or it would've been smoothly had your phone not dinged loudly again. You quickly turned the volume down.

"Is she in there?" He asked, you cursed silently before throwing a blanket over you face and body.

"No, that was mine," Gianna lied, less smoothly this time. You froze when you heard the door open further and Harry's footsteps as he neared your bed.

You closed your eyes tightly just before he grabbed the corner of the blanket, slowly peeling it back.

"Really?" He finally spoke. You forced your eyes open, not ready to face the consequences of your actions. It didn’t help that he looked so good, he was in one of his black hoodies. The hood was pulled over a hat that his curls were spilling out of on the sides.

"I'm actually doing homework in here, so take that shit to your room," Gianna stated as she hopped back up onto her bed.

You sat up, flipping your legs off the side of the bed. Harry held his hand out to help you down, you hated him for being so considerate when you're supposed to be upset with him. Down from the bed, you shoved your feet into your slippers, glaring at your roommate.

The short walk down the hall to Harry's room was silent, but not awkward. Even in the middle of whatever this is, he still made you so feel so comfortable in his presence. You hated that he was personified sunlight.

You stood behind him as he unlocked his room, his roommate out like always. He held the door open as you ducked under his arm, you walked to his bed and sat down on the edge. He followed you in, taking a seat in his desk chair a few feet in front of you.

"Um. I'm sorry for avoiding you, that wasn't fair," you started.

"Why did you?" He asked, eyes trained on your face while you looked anywhere but at him.

"Because I need to distance myself from you," you shrugged, looking down at your hands. You were already struggling not to breakdown and apologize. You had to hold your ground.

"Why? You're my best friend, y'know. You didn't think ghosting me would actually work, did you?" He asked, sounding frustrated.

"I don't know," you finally looked at him as you tried to find a way to explain without having to tell him how you feel. "I just, I'm tired of going out every weekend and dragging you back here drunk out of your mind."

"You ignored me because you don't like taking care of me when I'm drunk? That's bullshit. I can think of like a million ways to work around that," his brows furrowed.

"No, that's not- Harry I don't mind taking care of you," you responded. You knew you weren't making any sense and you felt guilty for clearly upsetting him. It was hard to explain what you meant.

"Then what is it? I need a real reason. You don't just get to ignore me all week with no valid explanation," he said.

"It's not you drinking, Harry, I don't care about that. It's all the other stuff," you tried to explain. You were growing more upset about your own inability to communicate. It would be so much simpler to just tell him how you feel.

"Hey," he said, scooting his chair closer until you were knee to knee. "Did I do or say something Friday night? I don't remember much after leaving the party, just bits and pieces of the walk back.

"You tried to get me to have sex with you," you admitted.

"I did? Jesus Christ," he breathed. "I'm sorry, you don't deserve that."

"It's fine. Well, it's not fine, but I'm used to it," you said, backtracking when you found yourself excusing his actions.

"You're used to it?" He asked. You cursed yourself internally, dropping your head into your hands.

"No, I didn't mean to say that," you shook your head, still face down in your palm.

"Please explain."

You hesitated before answering, praying this conversation would be over. You felt Harry's hand tugging at your wrist, forcing you to look at him.

"That's not the first time it's happened. But it's okay, you were drunk and you never tried to force me or anything. It's really only an issue 'cause I'm-" you stopped yourself.

"'Cause you're what?" He asked, his chest rising a little faster as his breaths quickened. You paused. Fuck it. No way we're going back now.

"I'm tired of you playing with my feelings," You finally admitted. "I know you aren't doing it on purpose. You're a touchy friend and I love that about you, but I fell for it, so now it's just really hard to watch you gallivant with a new girl every weekend. And I feel bad for ignoring you, Harry, really I do. But it hurts that you only think of me in that way when you're too hammered to find anyone else and I can't keep signing myself up for it every weekend."

You finished your worked up confession just as you felt tears start pooling in your waterline. You wanted to hide in your hands again, but Harry still had a hold on your wrist. You tried blinking them away as you turned your gaze to him. He looked like he was still processing everything you said.

"You fell for it?" He finally spoke. You shrugged at him, not sure what to say. "What do you mean?"

"Oh my- Harry. I love you a lot, and not in a friend way. Like I'm in love with you. I'm sorry. All your charming bullshit worked on me," you laid it all out.

"You love me?" He asked, seemingly still processing. He moved from the chair, sitting down on the bed beside you.

"It's kinda hard not to. You've treated me like a girlfriend for months, and I was okay to be that for you. I'm fine with constantly hanging out and cuddling and watching movies and whatnot," you took a second to breathe. "But then we go out and I see you with all of these girls and it hurts that you only think of me that way when you're drunk."

You finished rambling, leaving the room eerily quiet. You felt a few tears start to fall, glad that Harry moved and was no longer facing you. He didn't talk for a second, the first sound to break the silence was a sniffle from you. Harry's arm looped around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest. That was all it took for your restraint to exit the room and your tears to fall faster. You let yourself be comforted by the only person that could make you feel better, ironically the same person that hurt you.

He leaned backward slowly, the two of you falling into his bed. You laid against his side, one of his arms wrapping loosely around you while the other ran through his hair.

"You're right. It's not fair to you," he finally spoke, pulling you in tighter. He let you cry for awhile, just holding you.

"I'm sorry," you apologized, though the sound was slightly muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

"It's not your fault,” he hummed. “You were wrong though, I'm not a flirty friend.”

"Yeah, right," you scoffed. You looked up at him, his eyes already set on you.

"I'm serious, I've only ever been that way with you. You're making me realize that I've been playing with your feelings for while."

"You weren't doing it on purpose," you sighed, sniffling as your tears slowed.

"Not deliberately no. But I think I was doing it on purpose, in a way," he said.

"What do you mean?" You asked, confusedly. You sat up slightly, resting on your elbow. You looked down at him, his head against a pillow.

"I think I was too scared to think about how madly in love with you I am so I kept you close without admitting it," he explained, sounding like he was still sorting through his thoughts.

"You don't love me, Harry. Don't say that so I keep following you around forever, I can't do it," you shook your head.

"I'm serious," he said, looking you in the eye. "I know this is coming at a bad time."

"Then what was the point of a different sorority girl every week?" You asked.

"Distraction, maybe? I don't know. I only ever went home with you though," Harry shrugged.

"You gotta understand why I'm finding this hard to believe," you said.

"I get it. I didn't really start to realize it until you weren't around. We spend a lot of time together," he smiled softly at you. You cursed yourself when you felt your heart melt at the sight of him.

"Are you sure, H? Don't say shit like that just to say it. I'm trying really hard to be vulnerable right now," you shook your head at him. He mirrored your actions, adjusting himself so he could slide his hands up to your cheeks.

"I'm one hundred percent sure that I'm just as in love with you as you are with me," he gently moved your head while he spoke. A hesitant smile spread across your face as you looked at him. He seemed just as genuine as he always did.

"Okay," you replied simply, nodding as best as you could with Harry's hold on your face.

"Okay," he nodded back with a grin, pushing your cheeks together. He tugged your face down slowly. Your eyes closed as his lips met your pouted ones. You pulled away slightly, your hand coming to rest on his chest.

"Why didn't you say any of that before I started crying?"

"You just looked so pretty," he answered with another dimply grin.

Masterlist

Thanks so much for the support on Part 1!!! 🫶🫶🫶