#he did feel bad about Morag but I’m not letting things like plot get in the way of my shitpost

[theeminentlyimpractical]

Aziraphale: I saved 3 children and shall fall for it! Wringing my hands as I accept my fate!

Also Aziraphale: RIP in peace French revolutionary human, Army Human(?), Wee Morag, and Magic Shop human. hope you got into heaven. anyway I gotta go get crepes and/or proceed with this foreplay scene I got going on.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Paranoid

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

submitted by @7teenbl-ck : your Criminal Minds obsession gets you paranoid about crime in your neighborhood. Everything scares you now, even Peter

Masterlist

(this gif has nothing to do with the story but omg look at it)

“Baby, wake up.”  

You jolted awake when Peter shook you, your laptop sliding off your stomach and onto the bed.

“What time is it?” You asked groggily as you rubbed your eyes.

Sleepy you was peters favorite version of you, so he took a minute to answer as he admired the way your hair stuck up in every direction.

“It’s not even nine yet. I just got back from patrol.” He told you as he rubbed your hip.

“I must’ve fallen asleep watching Criminal Minds again.” You said before hiding a yawn behind your hand.

“Why are you so obsessed with fake crime when you have a boyfriend out there fighting real crime?” Peter pouted, moving your laptop off the bed so you wouldn’t lose it.

“I watch it for the plot.” You smiled sleepily at him, and he saw right through you. Peter let out a short laugh and brought your hand up to his mouth to kiss it.

“You watch it because you’re in love with that stupid agent Reid or whatever his name is.” Peter grumbled, his jealousy making you smile.

“It’s Doctor Reid.” You corrected, and he rolled his eyes at you.

“You’ve been watching that damn show every single night when I come back from patrol.” Peter whined as he pulled you into his chest and rubbed your back. “Why don’t you let me tell you about the real unsubs I see?”

“Fine, baby.” You patted his knee and curled into his chest, still half sleep. “Tell me about patrol tonight.”

“I saw a pigeon l in the backseat of a moving taxi.” Peter said excitedly, and you chuckled against his chest.

“How is that a real crime?” You teased him.

“That’s theft of service. That pigeon could get get fined up to $4,000.” Peter argued and you let out a laugh.

“Who would waste their time trying to bring a pigeon to justice?” You asked, and Peter fell silent.

“Peter? I need you to be honest with me.” You said, your tone suddenly seriously.

“Okay, sure” Peter sat up a little to give you his full attention.

“Did you go after the pigeon?” You squinted at him in the dark. Peter was quiet again and you could see him chewing his bottom lip in the moonlight that came through your window

“Peter.” You repeated in a warning tone.

“It was a slow night! The pigeon needed to be set free before he committed a misdemeanor.” Peter defended.

“You know who never has a slow night?” You wiggled your eyebrows.

“Don’t say the BAU” Peter groaned.

“The BAU!” You cheered. “Let’s watch Criminal Minds.”

“But I want to cuddle.” Peter whined. It not that he didn’t like the show, he just wasn’t in the mood for it. He’s much rather hear about your day or just about anything else you wanted it tell him.

“We can do both.” You insisted as you pulled your laptop into your lap. Peter scooted between your legs and let you be the big spoon as you clicked on an episode.

~

You spent the entirety of your Saturday watching Criminals minds while Peter was at his SAT prep class. He told you he’d be over around 5 to keep you company, something that had slipped your mind around the fourth episode you played. This episode in particular hit a little too close to home, as it took place in New York. As the episode went on, you began to feel fear bubble up in your tummy. It didn’t help that your parents were away for the weekend, leaving you all alone in the apartment. You paused the episode and went to make sure that your door was locked. You sighed a breath of relief when you saw that it was, and leaned your back a against it. That’s when it dawned on you.

You have so many windows.

And windows are just tiny glass doors that criminals can come through.

You rushed throughout your apartment, shutting and locking every single window you had. You shut all the curtains before returning to you bedroom to resume the episode.

While it played, you googled crime statistics in New York.

“443 out of 100,000 people in New York are criminals?” You read out loud to yourself, suddenly feeling very unsafe. You began to google crime in your immediate neighborhood when the episode caught your attention.

“Our unsub is a white male in his mid to late 30s. He’s going to be physically fit and may have already inserted himself in the investigation.” Emily Prentiss said, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

“I know some physically fit white males in their mid to late 30s.” You whispered in fear.

“He’s only attacked cars at first, but he recently escalated to apartments.” Derek Morag added and you gulped.

“I live in an apartment building.” You realized as white hot fear shot through your body.

“His last victim was a high school girl. He broke into her apartment when her parents weren’t home and attacked her while she was drinking a glass of water in her bedroom.” Hotch explained.

Your eyes shifted to the glass of water you had beside your bed. You swiftly punched the glass, making water spill all over your carpet. You had just turned your attention back to the screen when you heard a knocking at your window. You let out a scream and dove under the covers, saying a prayer in every language you could think off. You let out another shriek when they knocked again.

“Who’s there? Are you the criminals? From the statistics?” You yelled form under your covers.

It wasn’t until your panicked breathing calmed down that you heard your boyfriends voice.

“Y/n? It’s Peter. Open up.” He called, his voice muffled through the window. You peaked from beneath your covers and saw Spider-Man perched at your window. You sheepishly got out of bed and opened the window for him, locking it the second he got inside. You peaked through your curtains for anyone who might be watching and shut them tightly.

“Why was it locked? I thought you always left it open for me?” Peter grumbled as he took off his suit. He put on the clothes he left in your room as you sat on your bed.

“But leaving it open for you Peter is the same as leaving it open for all the criminals in New York. All 443 out of 100,000 of them!” You exclaimed and he paused as he was sliding on his shirt.

“What?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

“I have been googling crime statistics in New York all day. Do you know how bad the crime has to be for it it warrant statistics?” You asked him, panic evident in your eyes. He took a seat next to you and took your hands in his.

“Baby, this neighborhood hasn’t had a crime since the guy on the fifth floor stole that lady’s package. And he returned it once he saw it was a cat bed, so no one was even arrested.” Peter reasoned with you but you still looked scared. “What’s got you all worked up?”

You looked at Peter as you nervously chewed your lip and it clicked.

“Don’t say the BAU.” He groaned and buried his face in your neck.

“The BAU!” You protested and he muttered something against your skin before picking his head up. He could see that you were genuinely afraid, so he pulled you into his arms and rested his chin on the top of your head.

“Sweetness, that show isn’t real.” Peter sighed as he rubbed your back. “It’s dramatized and fake and unrealistic. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“The show isn’t real, but the criminals in New York are.” You said quietly. “There are a lot of bad people in the world and New York is full of them. And then you tell me about all this crazy kinds of bad people with giant wings and illusion technology that the rest of the world doesn’t even know about.”

Guilt twinged in Peters chest at your words. He never should’ve told you about the guys he was fighting if you were already paranoid. He picked up your head and held it between your hands, giving you a gentle smile to calm to down.

“You know what those guys have in common?” Peter asked you and you shook your head.

“No, what?”

“I took them down.” Peter said with a cooks grin and you rolled your eyes at him. “Beck is dead and Toomes is in prison. They can’t get to you.”

“But-“ You began.

“And neither can anyone else.” Peter finished. “My job as Spider-Man is to keep New York safe, but my job as your boyfriend is to keep you safe. You’re always gonna be my number one priority.”

You smiled slightly as Peter and pulled him into a long kiss to thank him.

“Thank you.” You mumbled against his lips. “I guess I shouldn’t be this paranoid. I just kinda forgot my boyfriend was Spider-Man.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m here.” Peter chuckled. “To remind you.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @foreverxholland @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @averyfosterthoughts @jackiehollanderr​ @tiny-friggin-human​ @celestial-skylines​ @mara-twins​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @delicately-important-trash​ @spideygirl2003​ @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @maryjanee23​ @spacebitch2​ @geeksareunique​ @emmamarshmellow​ @jillanaholland​ @unbelievableholland​ @rebekkah4766​ @flixndchill​ @sovereignparker​ @wendaiii​ @thisisthebiplace​ @spideydobrik​ @every-marveler-ever​ @undiadeestos​ @caelestii-e​ @eridanuswave​ @itscaminow​ @thegr8kush​ @solarxmoonchild​ @where-art-thau-romeo​ @canyouevencauseicant​ @probablyparker​ @illwritetomorrow​ @thehappygrungelife​ @saysomethingspiderman​ @parkerboop​ @smilexcaptainx​ @hes-amarillo​ @quaksonhehe​ @kelieah

[maxawello]

Saving Nat - Alternate to Avengers Endgame

DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT A  SPOILER!!!!

you have been warned.

Plot: Nat doesn’t die in Endgame.

Also please don’t come at me with potholes with regards to this. I’ve been roasted already about it and I just want a happy ending okay? ahahahah ha ha ha :(

“Wait.”

Little did they know that that one word would have so much impact. Little golden lines were moving from their original position, time moving along its newly regulated path.

Nebula stepped into the heart of the Avengers headquarters, almost having skipped the group meeting, but making the last-second decision not to, finally feeling as though she was part of the group.

All of the heads turned and in a split second she felt bashful. If her skin hadn’t been blue, she was sure a red tinge would have shown up. Petty humans. Somewhere in the back of her now-machine mind she had room enough to chortle and to remain composed on the outside.

“What do you mean wait? This is our chance.” Natasha was the first to speak up, voicing what everyone else was thinking as the girl who had been on the other side for too long began to plant a seed of doubt in their already doubtful minds. Especially Tony’s.

Nebula took in a deep breath, surprised at the lack of training war had given her for situations like these. It was always so much easier to just eradicate something - a blessing and a curse of being a daughter of Thanos.

With every single eye on her, she looked at the drawing board.

Three in New York, one in Asgard and one each in Vormir and Morag.

“Do you remember what happened when my father collected the soul stone?”

Steve cocked his head, trying to think back to any mention of it. Rocket looked to Thor and Thor looked to the beer bottle in his hand.

“We don’t have time for this,” Tony said, tapping the screen. The glass sound echoed through the room. “Hurry up with your story.” His mind was racing and every second that they didn’t begin to work, he doubted whether or not it was worth it to leave. After all, he had two, who were waiting back home, who loved him 3000.

Nebula fought to stop her eye roll, although her optical implants were hindrances to them spotting it. “My father – ”she stopped for a second. “Thanos,” she corrected, swallowing hard. It was a habit. She had only wanted to please him her entire life until so little ago she had seen what was wrong. She sighed. “He left to Vormir. With my… Sister – ”

“But Gamora never came back,” Rocket finished, understanding the meaning behind her story.

It flashed before Tony’s eyes. He had been so close to taking the gauntlet off the purple giant but then one imbecile had knocked the giant head and sat him loose from the weird girl’s spell.

Tony grit his teeth. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could three words rang out.

“Whatever it takes.”

Natasha and Clint spoke the words at the same time, eyes immediately looking up to meet each other’s gaze.

“I’ll do it.” Again, they spoke at the same time.

She glared at him although there was no anger behind it. “If this works – ”

“And it will,” Steve interjected.

She sent him a soft smile, knowing he couldn’t help it and that it was exactly what she needed. “When this works,” she corrected, “you’ll have your family back.” Her words rang true and deafening to the rest of the Avengers. “Don’t you think Laura should see you again? Your children?”

Clint hung his head, holding his face in his hands as he thought back to the five years without his family. “I’ve done bad things. I can’t let you take this one.”

“So have I.” She took in a deep breath and then let it out. “But I don’t have a family waiting for me.” She looked up, her eyes met the combination of Bruce and the Hulk. He knew her secret even if no one else did. She gave him a smile as well before nodding away her fate. “It has to be me.”

And in the midst of all the drama, Steve had actually been thinking. He would hate to sacrifice his old friend in the process. He was always never able to trade lives. “Wait.”

Everyone turned to him.

“I have an idea.”

“Do you really think that’s gonna work?” Nat asked, sceptical but hopeful at the same time.

Steve nodded. “If we return it to the exact same time, then yes. He’ll never know.”

“I have a really bad feeling about this plan,” Scott said, checking his suit as they flew closer to Vormir. Natasha’s newly learned flying skills had been put to the test and had generally worked with the help of a couple programmed coordinates. After all, how hard could it have been if the Hulk had been able to do it?

Scott on the other hand, he’d been set as the highest stake player in this timeline with one and only one objective. Not to die, and to get the soul stone back to the future.

He did a mini jog on the spot, psyching himself up. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.”

Natasha watched him, pitying him, but knowing why it had to be him. No one could manipulate the equipment as well as he could.

Someone small enough that Thanos doesn’t notice.

We have one shot.

“Approaching the drop in three, two, one…”

Scott exited the spaceship, Peter Quill’s flight tech on him with a couple advancements from Stark. It would be a silent drop in so that Thanos wouldn’t hear him coming. The plan was to get as close to the mountain as possible, grab the stone and then get as far away from Thanos as possible.

“Nat, I’ve entered the atmosphere.” And as he dropped, he prayed that the bottom of his suit wouldn’t light on fire as he tried to slow his entry, careful not to turn on the boosters too loud. He couldn’t shrink yet or he would take too long to descend and be a sitting duck as he did. But as he fell, a light emanated from the mountain, shooting up into the clouds.

“Are we too late. What was that?” he questioned before he spotted a purple body lying in the water. Thanos.

He frowned, shrinking as he hit the ground, close enough to the body to run towards it. Stealth had to be key and in the midst of all of the dirt he was sure he could make it. The whole crux of the plan lay on Thanos being emotionally affected enough to the point that Gamora’s death would bring him one step towards foolishness. They just needed him distracted for a second.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” he asked, more to himself than anyone else because he knew that whilst they could watch, any communication from the ship back would be dangerous. While he could omit a small signal, the ship would overpower that by many times and any neighbouring ship would be able to find the signal. “Is it just me or is it too easy?” Much like the coincidental rat had been. And in how many other universes had the rat stepped perfectly to trigger the sequence?

Natasha watched from on board the ship, chuckling and shaking her head. “Easy is good,” she said to herself. To her, Thanos was only a dot on a screen, and the small ant sized man was running towards him, just another dot on the screen.

She took a break from watching the two collide. Nebula had educated them on Vormir but nothing had prepared the earthlings for its beauty. Dark, but beautiful. Enticing. It reminded her of a reflection of herself.

Meanwhile, below on the planet, Scott jumped into the water, guided by signal on his forearm. “Getting it now.”

In a delirious hand, it was easy to fit and to get a good hold.

“Got it!” He wrapped his arms around the stone and launched himself back through time to 2019, sacrifice free.

[fromdirectorlanawachowski]

honest and unmerciful endgame thoughts

a sequel to this post

this is deadass one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.

a few brief thoughts before i get into the more or less play by play.

- making jokes about how time travel in movies isn’t really how time travel works doesn’t work if you’re a fucking movie dude

- fat thor was a fucking disgrace

- professor hulk has to have been 80% ad-libbed because there’s no way someone actually wrote that garbage dialogue

- using a past thanos was a mistake because we don’t actually give a shit about him

OKAY LETS GO

actually fuck it i was gonna do plot point by plot point but i’m just so exhausted i don’t have the strength to do it. i’m gonna go in broad strokes and if you want me to elaborate on WHY something was bad feel free to yell at me in the DMs

okay lets go

right away the whole thing with clint fucking turning on the spot as his family disappears was goofy as all hell. i know exactly what they were going for but having him literally turn on the spot instead of go into the house or go into the shed just draws attention to the absolute hilarity of how fast they vanished compared to others.

why the fuck was tony skin and bones when he got back to earth. i know he was in space for three weeks but they clearly show him eating during the montage of him and nebula doing.... things?

also everyone just kind of trusts nebula? okay? i’d be wary of purple aliens in light of what just happens but inclusivity i guess

also you mean to tell me that in three weeks they scanned the entire universe for gamma radiation? also enough gamma radiation that would show up on a scan from light years away but not fry everyone nearby when thanos snapped?

as soon as they killed thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck ass.

the writers have no idea how fast human hair grows if five years later natasha still has that godawful blonde dye on her tips

a fucking rat got scott lang out of the quantum realm. i don’t have any commentary for this because this scene speaks for itself. a rat.

moreover how did they even get the van down from the rooftop it was on at the end of ant man 2

fat thor. i don’t have any commentary about this either. the whole thing reeks of the russos looking at taika and going “you wanna be a funny man? you want thor to be fucking funny? you think he’s hilarious? fuck you”

oh i guess i did have commentary on that after all

i’m glossing right over the gay scene because again, taika fought tooth and nail to get bisexual valkyrie and now the russo shitters get to say they had the first canon lgbt character and it’s a couple of throwaway lines that can be redubbed for china. seriously. i don’t think there’s ever a scene where he says “he” or “him” while his lips are on screen.

apparently i am doing this relatively plot point by plot point but i digress

if i was keeping points like cinemasins (ew) i’d take a few off for morgan stark. i’m an bitch but not that much of one.

oh yeah pepper potts’ first of, i believe, four lines in this movie is “yeah i’m reading about compost”. i have no commentary for this either. it speaks for itself.

tony hits upon time travel in a day

i’m so glad we couldn’t get any real character development for anyone but we had time for the four minute “ant man becomes various aged forms of himself and then makes a peeing your pants joke in 2019″ scene.

“that’s how time travel works in movies this is real life” that’s great except that joke falls flat cause you’re a fuckin movie bro

i’m skipping over the entirety of the battle of new york thing because that was just fucking.... *benny hill music*

oh no i’m addressing the ancient one thing. love to have characters retconned into previous movies so they can try and explain the time travel in a way that actually makes it more confusing and also isn’t the way the movie follows

steve leering at peggy through the blinds was creepy, i’m sorry. actually the way he was suddenly obsessed with her this whole movie was really creepy.

howard potts

tony meeting his dad was so awkward and uncomfortable and they really meant for it to be heartwarming but i’m sorry it was fucking hilarious and i was howling with laughter in the theater

likewise thor with frigga. a really nice, emotional moment where thor gets closure with his mom and she overtly says she knows she’s going to die soon but she loves him and she’s so proud of him....

..... and then tops it off with a fat joke. the russos can’t let any kind of emotion hang without making a joke.

when they killed natasha a guy three rows down said “if they were killing her here why the fuck did they greenlight her movie then”

why did thanos get a scene confronting the cost of the stone but clint just wakes up in a puddle? are you gonna tell me thanos cared more about gamora than clint did about natasha? ok.

okay i’ll admit seeing quill dancing on morag without the background music was funny as fuck. rhodey explaining the punchline was not funny as fuck though

three cheers for nebula inexplicably having new abilities

as soon as they brought in past thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck a big ass

hulk snaps the iron infinity gauntlet because he’s the only one that can withstand the gamma radiation that it allegedly emits and has been mentioned only once before in this movie

the fact that it works is demonstrated by not anyone coming back, but ant man looking out the window at some birds. yeah. gee.

okay i have a question here that may take a little bit to explain.

earlier in the movie it’s explicitly stated they only have enough pym particles for one round trip each. that’s why steve and tony had to go back to 197X to get the tesseract and more particles. 

so.

past-nebula takes current-nebula’s place and uses her particles to travel back to the present, leaving current-nebula with no particles

so how did past-thanos bring his ship to the present with no pym particles

anyway past-gamora and current-nebula kill past-nebula to get the iron infinity gauntlet back

the final battle was whatever. i couldn’t for the life of me tell you what happened or where anyone was in relation to anyone else because it was cut so poorly

everyone comes back. remember at the end of my infinity war thoughts when i said the end had no stakes because obviously everyone snapped came back and you all got mad at me? everyone comes back.

the ladies all running the gauntlet would be cool if it wasn’t encompassed by shots of all the men running the gauntlet, drawing attention to the fact there’s literally only like seven ladies and one of them isn’t even a hero

joss whedon was the cinematographer the day they shot wanda fighting thanos, judging from all the gratuitous shots down her shirt. i know elizabeth olsen has nice boobs. believe me, i do. i’m envious. but for the love of christ stop being creepy voyeurs about it

also “you took everything from me” “i don’t even know who you are???” that was a great setup for her to use her mind powers and make thanos experience some suffering but they just didn’t do that so those lines are hilarious

tony gets the stones and snaps, killing thanos and all his army. thanos fades away into dust while a woman vocalizes in the background in a manner that’s less satisfying than when voldemort did the exact same thing in deathly hallows part 2

tony dies because i guess?

at the funeral everyone is there and there’s shots lingering on everyone including this weird kid who looks like he’d microwave a gerbil? i had to google him and it’s supposed to be the kid from iron man 3. i feel like seven years later you should probably put in a line like “thanks for coming <whatever that kid’s name was>

okay we’ve reached the part i have the absolute most beef with.

steve’s ending

from the start of this movie he’s been inexplicably obsessed with peggy. the ending is telegraphed from a mile away and i was still shocked and stunned that they actually did this.

so steve just gives up everything, all his friends and family, to go back in time to be with a woman he knew for max a year, in the heat of war, where emotions run high and they may very well have latched onto each other in case they died.

steve rogers, the man who wielded mjolnir, the man who broke his friend’s mental conditioning just be refusing to fight him, just sits back through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. the cuban missile crisis, the LA riots, the assassination of JFK, the death of howard and maria stark, the infiltration of shield, the berlin wall, 9/11, the war on terror, and he just.... did nothing?

what the fuck was that

sam is captain america now though so i’m down with that

but i’m still so angry

this is beyond character assassination for steve. it’s... outright brutal murder and mutilation. anywhere i can, i give endgame a half star review FOR THIS ALONE. setting aside fat thor and how they treat Ragnarok, the fact they think steve rogers would, after everything he’s done and learned, go back into the past where there was still a chance he could help his friends in his own way, and do NOTHING, is the most infuriating thing about this barely-polished turd of a movie.

IN CONCLUSION i said infinity war was the worst movie marvel had ever put out and marvel went “haha we can do you one better”

endgame is just three hours of setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, occasionally punctuated with emotional moments that aren’t allowed to hang long enough for the emotion to sink in before a joke is made, usually at thor’s expense.

[icyxmischief]

MAJOR SPOILERS WITHIN. Part two liveblog/reflections of Endgame. 

Leave Tony Stark alone, Jesus.  Why is everyone so mad at him for not wanting to risk making things worse?  “I got my second chance right here, Cap.” Yep. Not the one to make the hero play? From film one to film four, yes he is.  Always.

Kinda glad they have Hulk and Bruce integrated into one being. That’s a pretty cool metaphor for owning your disability and living with it.  Kinda sad Bruce and Tony aren’t bros very much anymore though. But I...don’t like....how different Bruce’s personality is now? He used to be so sweet and gentle, and now he’s kind of flippant? I mean, NOT always. See below, he’s more himself around Thor.  

Lmao, poor Scott.  “Let me guess, he turned into a baby” lol Tony. I feel like Scott is Charlie Brown. 

From this point out, the movie gets BAD, to be honest. Clunky, boring, contrived, confusing, and inappropriate humor at the expense of people in pain. 

I’m glad New Asgard is a thing after all, and I think that’s where my Loki muse will end up in his canon verse, but....gah Thor.... I REALLY WISH they had just stuck with the beard and long hair and the commentary about the stink in the house to show how far he’s fallen, without making him “a funny fat guy” again.  Hemsworth DID try to salvage the scene though, the closest I came to crying so far in watching this was his reaction to Bruce saying “Thanos,” and Bruce is so kind and gentle in handling his grief. 

Yikes poor Clint really backslid.  Interesting they show the people who backslid in grief, Thor and Clint, back to back.  Both were emotionally dependent on family, did you notice?  Without Loki Thor is helpless, and without his wife and kids, so is Clint. 

I DESPISE THOUGH HOW THEY REDUCE THOR TO A JOKE SO THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HOW POWERFUL HE IS. 

AND WHY WHEN HE MENTIONS THE EVENTS OF THE DARK WORLD DOES HE NOT. GET SAD. ABOUT LOKI. OR EVEN MENTION HIS PART IN SAVING THOR’S ASS AS WELL AS JANE’S????

I adore Rhodey. Always have. 

“So Back to the Future’s a bunch of bullshit?” Lol, I would like to read more of quantum theory before I decide if this was just a joke to cover up a plot hole but yeah.

Okay it was kind of funny when Thor snuck past Loki’s cell but....I...wish he would have...stopped to say hi.....  or just shown sadness that Loki dies.  

And why are we making fun of Thor crying over his dead mother and dead subjects and dead father? Why is that a joke? Why is Rocket smacking his face because of a panic attack a joke ? How is any of that acceptable? Thor has lost more than anyone. 

Oh Frigga <3 Frigga I wish you’d gotten to live. 

The Morag thing really is convoluted. Jeez. 

[smokeybrandreviews]

I. Am. Iron Man.

So i didn’t get into all of the stuff i loved about Endgame in my review because i was still processing. here was just, SO MUCH, and i’m not talking about the many, many, easter eggs. I’m talking about all of the fanservice. All of the nods. All of the ending character arcs and plot points. Bro, the shine in this movie is so bright that an entire post was needed unto itself so here we go:

Clint’s family getting dusted. My guy, this is the MOST i have ever seen Hawkeye do and it was so much. Like, Jeremy Renner got to act and it was devastating. This man lost his entire world and it broke him. It f*cking broke him and you SEE that happen.

Robert Downey Jr. I’ve heard whispers that he might be nominated for an Oscar and i’d be okay with that. Dude kind of Dark Knight Joker’s his way through this movie. And that ending scene? I. Am. Ironman. Bruh!

Paper Football!

Karen Gillan’s Nebula was pretty legit. This is the most she’s done in these films and i, as man who absolutely adores his Ginger Goddess, was incredibly happy to see it. I was a curious how they were going to incorporate her relevance from the story, into this movie, and was happy to see that she was so prominent.

“I lost the kid.” F*ck you, movie, for making me feel things so early!

Rocket and Nebula. Seeing those two characters together, knowing what they lost? F*ck!

Toy’s entire unloading on Captain America after getting back from space was just... F*ck. He was right in the worse way and no trust. No trust. I get why he feels the way he does but both of these cats f*cked up.

“I. Am. Inevitable.”

“I went for the head.”

Five years later. BRUH!

Scott Lang! Bro, Paul Rudd is a gift and he’s far more compelling and relevant in this flick than he’s ever been, even in his own movies. Dude was in the quantum realm and, for him, it’s only been 5 hours so he’s completely f*cking lost. Especially when...

F*cking grown ass Cassie! BRUH!! Are we going to get a Stature in the new MCU soon?? Seeing Emma Furhman walked out that door was ridiculous and the way Rudd played his surprised was perfect. I believed this was the first time he saw his what has to be his 15 year old daughter after last seeing her as a 10 year old. Solid f*cking scene.

Namor easter egg

Morgan Stark, are you kidding me? Kid was adorable! Terrible at her job but adorable to look at. And she did an admirable job as a proper for Stark to quip.

Professor Hulk was pretty okay, I like that Mark Rufflo’s arc had a finite conclusion but, i dunno? I kind of feel like this is temporary, as it is in the comics, but we’ll see. According to him, he was able to make that equilibrium happen in 18 months so he’s been that way for 3 and half years.

“I love you 3000.”

“Time travel!”

Literally any scene with Natasha and Clint but that first one when they finally see each other after so many years. If you’ve kept up on this entire saga, you know that Clint and Natasha love each other like siblings. He saved her from her bloody ass past, kind of, and literally set her on pace to become a hero. Clint saw her potential and nurtured her into the leader of the Avengers. Now, she has the opportunity to do it for him, to pull him out of the darkest that used to be her life. Which makes what happens not to much later a f*cking gut punch. Still, it was nice to see something “normal” return for those character.

Speaking of Natasha, Scarlett did a fantastic job as the character. For the first time since Winter Soldier, i felt like Black Widow was an actual character and not a prop. Like, when you look at it, these movies have been blessed with their casts and you get to see why in this flick. Her arc in this flick is one of finality but she’s able to do so much with her screen time, it’s ridiculous. Ma gives Tony a run for his money, easy.

“What’s up, Normal Sized Guy?”

New Asgard, Angry Girl, Meek, Korg, and Fat Thor. BRUH!

Chris Hemsworth doing his best impression of The Dude was hilarious and makes all of the sense. Dude had just destroyed Asgard and taken his place as king when Thanos decided to slaughter half his people, kill his best friend, kill his brother, and then Snapped. Thor lost 3/4 of the entire Asgardian race. There’s literally like, 12 houses in New Asgard. That’s what’s left. Dude’s understandably in a bad place.

TIME HEIST!!

That’s America’s ass!

Watching Hulk half-heartedly smash on his way to the Santum Santorum was cute. Speaking of...

Bro, the Ancient One kind of fending off Chitari was awesome. She would have definitely been there, doing her thing, over yonder. I never even thought of that! It was also dope seeing Tilda Swinton back for a cameo, the first of many time displaced shenanigans!

Loki peace-ing out!

Alexander Pierce, Rumlow, and Sitwell. Seeing them again was awesome.

“Hail HYDRA.”

Everything on Morag was hilarious. Paring Nebula and Rhodey together was a stroke of genius. They play off each other well. I hope they have a bit more interaction going forard. Interesting enough, there are a couple of scenes where they get to interact, and it looks like Rhodey might have made a proper impression. Like, Nebula LIKES him and it’s cute as sh*t.

Past Nebula f*cking everything up! Jesus, b*tch, get your sh*t together!

“That is destiny fulfilled.” Bruh, past Thanos just being okay with his murder is chilling.

That struggle to be Vormire’s sacrifice. Bro, that was f*cked up and it hurt when she fell.

“Let me go.” F*CK!!

Howard and Tony interacting as adults. That was awesome to see, I’m glad Tony got that in the end. he needed it.

Peggy. All she had to do was look up. That’s all. F*CK!

Yo, Jarvis! Shout out to the one show that gets a reference in the movies! Nice!

Stark’s gauntlet. Cats are trying to argue that stark tech shouldn’t be able to harness the power of the tones but, why not? The current armor can do some incredible stuff and there’s a ton of vibranium availed to them now because of Okoye. It kind of makes sense they’d be able to find a way to make that happen.

Time-Travel Thanos! My man didn’t have nearly the presence in this film, than he did in the past and that’s okay. He’s not supposed to. this isn’t about stopping the Snap. It’s abut undoing it. It’s about AVENGING the fallen. Outside of being a final obstacle, Thanos holds no real relevance to Endgame. But, that last obstacle is a doozy!

The Big Three versus The Mad Titan. BRUH!!!

Cap wielding Mjolnir! BRUHH!!!!

Thanos shattering Cap’s shield. BRUH!!!!!

“Avengers. Assemble” F*CKING, BRUH!!!!!

Iron-Dad! Seriously, the reunion scene between Pete and Tony made me cry. The fact that they let Tom Holland and RDJ come up with that scene on their own; Like, all of that was improvised on the spot, was amazing. Seeing them together as the opposite of how i felt when Pete got dusted.

F*cking Wand, man! She solo’d Thanos as second time! and nearly killed him! Ma went in on him with brutality and pure rage! If not for Corvis bailing him out with spaceship guns, that would have been the end right there.

Wait, did i mention Rescue? Pepper out her in her own armor, making some vets in the hero game, look like straight rookies. Dope sh*t is dope!

“If i tell you what happens, it won’t happen.”

Black Panther acknowledging Clint, the opposite of the first time they met way back in Civil War.

Pete finally activating instant kill mode. Stabby-stabby!

“Heads up, Queens.”

“Hey, Peter Parker. You got something for me?”

But dat A-Force, though. HNGGGG!! i’m not goin to lie i never knew i wanted some thing so bad until i saw all those chicks line up and absolutely hard body Thanos’s army. We need this movie. Make this sh*t happen!

Carol eating Thanos’ headbutt and that look of legitimate concern on his face. Keep in mind this is a Thanos with a five stone Infinity gauntlet on, and Captain Marvel is overpowering him. She’s a f*cking problem!

“I am Inevitable.”

“and I. Am. Iron Man.”

Watching Tony die was f*cked up. Rhodey and Pepper getting their moments, sure, but seeing Pete break down like that? Hearing him call Tony by his first name, for the first and last time, man, i lost it again. Tony watched Pete die five years ago and now Pete is watching Tony die. This is a 15 year old, man. man, f*ck this movie for making me feel things!

“I love you, 3000!” F*CK!!!

Yo, Harley was there! That was kind of dope. Kid got huge since Iron Man 3.

“I’m going to get you all the cheeseburgers you want” Come on, movie, you can’t keep emotionally devastating me like this. It’s not fair.

Old man Cap. I’m glad Falcon got the shield, he deserved it and thee’s no way Bucky and be Bucky cap, he’s a literal, publicly known, terrorist, but seeing an aged and happy cap who finally got some of that life Tony was talking about, did my heart some good. until...

My mans finally getting his dance. That’s it. That’s the last scene of this film; Steve and Peggy slow dancing in their home and i f*cking lost it again. He finally got to keep his date.

Endgame was so good, dude. This thing, even withit’s flaws, gave me, as a fan, everything i needed. If i never get another MCU film after this, i am good. We lost some pivotal characters, sure, but what was left, i think, is pretty special. I’m curious to see Far From Home now. That takes place immediately after this and i want to know what heading we’re going toward. It’ll be nice to get a breather after this bookend. It has been one helluva ride.

[smokeybrand]

I. Am. Iron Man.

So i didn’t get into all of the stuff i loved about Endgame in my review because i was still processing. here was just, SO MUCH, and i’m not talking about the many, many, easter eggs. I’m talking about all of the fanservice. All of the nods. All of the ending character arcs and plot points. Bro, the shine in this movie is so bright that an entire post was needed unto itself so here we go:

Clint’s family getting dusted. My guy, this is the MOST i have ever seen Hawkeye do and it was so much. Like, Jeremy Renner got to act and it was devastating. This man lost his entire world and it broke him. It f*cking broke him and you SEE that happen.

Robert Downey Jr. I’ve heard whispers that he might be nominated for an Oscar and i’d be okay with that. Dude kind of Dark Knight Joker’s his way through this movie. And that ending scene? I. Am. Ironman. Bruh!

Paper Football!

Karen Gillan’s Nebula was pretty legit. This is the most she’s done in these films and i, as man who absolutely adores his Ginger Goddess, was incredibly happy to see it. I was a curious how they were going to incorporate her relevance from the story, into this movie, and was happy to see that she was so prominent.

“I lost the kid.” F*ck you, movie, for making me feel things so early!

Rocket and Nebula. Seeing those two characters together, knowing what they lost? F*ck!

Toy’s entire unloading on Captain America after getting back from space was just... F*ck. He was right in the worse way and no trust. No trust. I get why he feels the way he does but both of these cats f*cked up.

“I. Am. Inevitable.”

“I went for the head.”

Five years later. BRUH!

Scott Lang! Bro, Paul Rudd is a gift and he’s far more compelling and relevant in this flick than he’s ever been, even in his own movies. Dude was in the quantum realm and, for him, it’s only been 5 hours so he’s completely f*cking lost. Especially when...

F*cking grown ass Cassie! BRUH!! Are we going to get a Stature in the new MCU soon?? Seeing Emma Furhman walked out that door was ridiculous and the way Rudd played his surprised was perfect. I believed this was the first time he saw his what has to be his 15 year old daughter after last seeing her as a 10 year old. Solid f*cking scene.

Namor easter egg

Morgan Stark, are you kidding me? Kid was adorable! Terrible at her job but adorable to look at. And she did an admirable job as a proper for Stark to quip.

Professor Hulk was pretty okay, I like that Mark Rufflo’s arc had a finite conclusion but, i dunno? I kind of feel like this is temporary, as it is in the comics, but we’ll see. According to him, he was able to make that equilibrium happen in 18 months so he’s been that way for 3 and half years.

“I love you 3000.”

“Time travel!”

Literally any scene with Natasha and Clint but that first one when they finally see each other after so many years. If you’ve kept up on this entire saga, you know that Clint and Natasha love each other like siblings. He saved her from her bloody ass past, kind of, and literally set her on pace to become a hero. Clint saw her potential and nurtured her into the leader of the Avengers. Now, she has the opportunity to do it for him, to pull him out of the darkest that used to be her life. Which makes what happens not to much later a f*cking gut punch. Still, it was nice to see something “normal” return for those character.

Speaking of Natasha, Scarlett did a fantastic job as the character. For the first time since Winter Soldier, i felt like Black Widow was an actual character and not a prop. Like, when you look at it, these movies have been blessed with their casts and you get to see why in this flick. Her arc in this flick is one of finality but she’s able to do so much with her screen time, it’s ridiculous. Ma gives Tony a run for his money, easy.

“What’s up, Normal Sized Guy?”

New Asgard, Angry Girl, Meek, Korg, and Fat Thor. BRUH!

Chris Hemsworth doing his best impression of The Dude was hilarious and makes all of the sense. Dude had just destroyed Asgard and taken his place as king when Thanos decided to slaughter half his people, kill his best friend, kill his brother, and then Snapped. Thor lost 3/4 of the entire Asgardian race. There’s literally like, 12 houses in New Asgard. That’s what’s left. Dude’s understandably in a bad place.

TIME HEIST!!

That’s America’s ass!

Watching Hulk half-heartedly smash on his way to the Santum Santorum was cute. Speaking of...

Bro, the Ancient One kind of fending off Chitari was awesome. She would have definitely been there, doing her thing, over yonder. I never even thought of that! It was also dope seeing Tilda Swinton back for a cameo, the first of many time displaced shenanigans!

Loki peace-ing out!

Alexander Pierce, Rumlow, and Sitwell. Seeing them again was awesome.

“Hail HYDRA.”

Everything on Morag was hilarious. Paring Nebula and Rhodey together was a stroke of genius. They play off each other well. I hope they have a bit more interaction going forard. Interesting enough, there are a couple of scenes where they get to interact, and it looks like Rhodey might have made a proper impression. Like, Nebula LIKES him and it’s cute as sh*t.

Past Nebula f*cking everything up! Jesus, b*tch, get your sh*t together!

“That is destiny fulfilled.” Bruh, past Thanos just being okay with his murder is chilling.

That struggle to be Vormire’s sacrifice. Bro, that was f*cked up and it hurt when she fell.

“Let me go.” F*CK!!

Howard and Tony interacting as adults. That was awesome to see, I’m glad Tony got that in the end. he needed it.

Peggy. All she had to do was look up. That’s all. F*CK!

Yo, Jarvis! Shout out to the one show that gets a reference in the movies! Nice!

Stark’s gauntlet. Cats are trying to argue that stark tech shouldn’t be able to harness the power of the tones but, why not? The current armor can do some incredible stuff and there’s a ton of vibranium availed to them now because of Okoye. It kind of makes sense they’d be able to find a way to make that happen.

Time-Travel Thanos! My man didn’t have nearly the presence in this film, than he did in the past and that’s okay. He’s not supposed to. this isn’t about stopping the Snap. It’s abut undoing it. It’s about AVENGING the fallen. Outside of being a final obstacle, Thanos holds no real relevance to Endgame. But, that last obstacle is a doozy!

The Big Three versus The Mad Titan. BRUH!!!

Cap wielding Mjolnir! BRUHH!!!!

Thanos shattering Cap’s shield. BRUH!!!!!

“Avengers. Assemble” F*CKING, BRUH!!!!!

Iron-Dad! Seriously, the reunion scene between Pete and Tony made me cry. The fact that they let Tom Holland and RDJ come up with that scene on their own; Like, all of that was improvised on the spot, was amazing. Seeing them together as the opposite of how i felt when Pete got dusted.

F*cking Wand, man! She solo’d Thanos as second time! and nearly killed him! Ma went in on him with brutality and pure rage! If not for Corvis bailing him out with spaceship guns, that would have been the end right there.

Wait, did i mention Rescue? Pepper out her in her own armor, making some vets in the hero game, look like straight rookies. Dope sh*t is dope!

“If i tell you what happens, it won’t happen.”

Black Panther acknowledging Clint, the opposite of the first time they met way back in Civil War.

Pete finally activating instant kill mode. Stabby-stabby!

“Heads up, Queens.”

“Hey, Peter Parker. You got something for me?”

But dat A-Force, though. HNGGGG!! i’m not goin to lie i never knew i wanted some thing so bad until i saw all those chicks line up and absolutely hard body Thanos’s army. We need this movie. Make this sh*t happen!

Carol eating Thanos’ headbutt and that look of legitimate concern on his face. Keep in mind this is a Thanos with a five stone Infinity gauntlet on, and Captain Marvel is overpowering him. She’s a f*cking problem!

“I am Inevitable.”

“and I. Am. Iron Man.”

Watching Tony die was f*cked up. Rhodey and Pepper getting their moments, sure, but seeing Pete break down like that? Hearing him call Tony by his first name, for the first and last time, man, i lost it again. Tony watched Pete die five years ago and now Pete is watching Tony die. This is a 15 year old, man. man, f*ck this movie for making me feel things!

“I love you, 3000!” F*CK!!!

Yo, Harley was there! That was kind of dope. Kid got huge since Iron Man 3.

“I’m going to get you all the cheeseburgers you want” Come on, movie, you can’t keep emotionally devastating me like this. It’s not fair.

Old man Cap. I’m glad Falcon got the shield, he deserved it and thee’s no way Bucky and be Bucky cap, he’s a literal, publicly known, terrorist, but seeing an aged and happy cap who finally got some of that life Tony was talking about, did my heart some good. until...

My mans finally getting his dance. That’s it. That’s the last scene of this film; Steve and Peggy slow dancing in their home and i f*cking lost it again. He finally got to keep his date.

Endgame was so good, dude. This thing, even with it’s flaws, gave me, as a fan, everything i needed. If i never get another MCU film after this, i am good. We lost some pivotal characters, sure, but what was left, i think, is pretty special. I’m curious to see Far From Home now. That takes place immediately after this and i want to know what heading we’re going toward. It’ll be nice to get a breather after this bookend. It has been one helluva ride.