#he brings only good fortune but reblogging is not necessary

[stellayuta]

Love on The Grid - Formula 1 AU! Yuta Okkotsu - Pt 3.

Your likes, comments and reblogs really encourage me to write more! So do interact with this post and let me know your thoughts 🧡

PART 1 ||| PART 2

synopsis: One-night stands were nothing but a necessary painkiller for your inability to cross paths with true love. Your most recent find at a Vegas Club was no different. He was boring, obedient, SLOW! You leave him high and hanging hoping you'd never see him again until you find yourself gawking at a supersized billboard of him on a Vegas highway with the title 'LEGEND RETURNS TO VEGAS'.

genre: some smut and lots of angst

content: 18+ only. Formula one driver! Yuta x f! reader, all sorts of sexy stuff (fingering, oral, orgasm denial), swearing, angsty elements, cheating and discussion of mental health <3

word count: 5.2k

a/n: can't stop writing this lmao. here's part 3. Also, I noticed I have some trouble writing second person pov and keep switching to first so pls excuse any grammatic discrepancies.

WARNING: always use protection!

The chilly November air is ruthless as it bites your exposed skin. You had an ambitious plan for the night with your flashy dress, but all of it fell apart, leaving you alone and miserable for the second time in your life. Maybe it's the cold, but you feel your nose leaking - or maybe it's your uncontrollable crying that's causing that.

"Oh my god, stop crying!" you snap at yourself. This is pathetic. Your friends will not be happy with this advancement. You couldn't even get Noritoshi his darned autograph.

You seemed to have picked the back exit of the casino fortunately because you can still hear camera shutters going off in a distance. There is nothing in the back except a small, marble fountain with a weak stream of water. You do notice a very flashy, bright red car parked near it though, very far from the parking lot which is more towards the front of the casino. You look at in awe, how it casts a pinkish-red glow on the white marble around it - almost looks like it's made of rubies.

"Like my ride?" a haughty voice grabs your attention, and you haphazardly rub at your eyes before looking up. It's a tall, slender man in a fiery red suit and black accents walking towards you. You take note of his snowy white tresses and crystaline blue eyes. You feel like you've seen him somewhere before? Is he perhaps an actor or a supermodel?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare at your car." You apologize to the man in case he had plans of accusing you of an attempted grand theft auto.

"Ah, don't worry about it." He says, waving his hand dismissively, "These cars are meant to be stared at, otherwise what's this point."

The comment makes you smile at bit as you hug yourself a little to get some relief from the cold.

"So?" He begins, twirling his keys on his long index finger. "What are you doing out here? Saw you last with Okkotsu? You his chick?" He interrogates you.

"I just came out for some fresh air, I don't quite like crowded spaces." You tell him, evading his question.

"No one hates glamor." The man says, fashioning a pair of circular sunglasses from his jacket pocket and putting them on. "Especially not formula one glamor. The richest of the riches. The most esteemed parties, crowd. What is it that really irked you?"

You frown at him. "Why do you believe everyone is interested in that kind of life? Do you think one kind find genuineness in life when your environment is constantly this superficial?" Maybe you spoke too much but the man seems intrigued.

"So Okkotsu bagged a smart chick. Good for him." He teases but you are not in the mood for any of it. "I am not his chick. We are friends. Not anymore probably. But don't make assumptions." you snap at the guy.

"Ah, calm down, tiger..." He says, putting his hands up and sitting up on the hood of his car. "Yuta doesn't just bring any chick along with him to places. I thought the two of you looked nice together!"

"He doesn't?" you ask. You feel a terrible ember of hope inside of you but want to immediately douse it. The strange man lets out a manic laugh.

"What? Did you think he was some Casanova, getting into everyone's pants. Do you even know anything about him?" he asks you mockingly and you feel a blush of embarrassment creep onto your cheeks. "He's not like the rest of us - forever on the search for love, and getting played by women who want us for the fame." He says, gazing at the sky. It is quite pretty out here today, a starry night.

You don't know for sure if this guy would know anything, but it seems like he would so, you can't help but ask him.

"What's going on between Yuta and that woman with the mole?" you ask, not making eye contact with the man. He looks at you with narrowed eyes.

"Who? Rika?"

"Yes, her."

"Oh yeah, they dated. For a year maybe? Yuta thinks they were in love, but I disagree. Yuta would think he's in love with anyone as long as they love him. He's pretty stupid I must say." The last part brings a smile to your face. "What happened between them?" you prod.

"Hmm, aren't you curious, as a friend?" He sticks his tongue out at you but continues on before you can protest.

"Well turns out, Rika loved how popular he was. Ad campaigns, parties, press tours, social media. Rika loves to be talked about. And with Yuta, she'd be as notorious as him. That was when Yuta was at the peak of his career. He hasn't been so well this year and Rika, finding that she had no screen-time anymore, decided it wasn't worth being linked to Yuta anymore." He says, sighing. You furrow your brows at this reveal.

"And so, as all fake things must come to an end, she asked for the breakup and Yuta had to comply. Do you know why he let her go?" Gojo asks you and you shrug your shoulders.

"Because he felt he wasn't deserving of being her boyfriend if he can't even be famous and publicly liked enough to be known as her boyfriend. He thought she deserves better."

You and the man exchange a glance, knowingly fully well that no man would think this way. Yuta was truly, genuinely too stupidly kind for his own good.

"W-why is he still in contact with her then?" you ask. Now this came from a place of selfishness. You didn't mind that Yuta had a past, but you didn't want her around him anymore. Regardless of whether you and Yuta had anything going or not.

"Well, they got to know each other because she is his personal manager. He didn't want to risk her livelihood by firing her." Gojo says.

"Well not anymore." a third voice joins the two of you as you turn around to see a livid Yuta close the door behind him and walk towards you. His hair is now falling onto his head, lock by lock, ruining his neat hairdo but very much reminding you of his fucked-out look from the other night. He has discarded his grey tuxedo jacket for good. He stands in between you and the white-haired man, seemingly trying to shield you from him. "I got rid of her for good. Now, what are you doing here, Gojo?"

Gojo. Now you get it. The first Ferrari driver who crashed out today. The question makes Gojo give Yuta a half smirk.

"Bad timing, Okkotsu. I was just about to ask this pretty lady here for a ride in my Ferrari. Third-wheel much?"

"Well, that won't be necessary." Yuta declares, pulling you in by the waist. "My Lambo's faster and Y/N prefers the better driver."

Yuta's blatant show of talent supremacy makes your mouth pop open in sheer admiration for a full two seconds.

"See you around..." Yuta says, pulling you along and not waiting for Gojo's reply.

Before the two of you can get to the car though, he finds a crevice between two pillars to push you into.

"I am apologizing again. One last time. You won't see the likes of her again." He says, very seriously, his spiky dark hair brushing the top of your forehead due to his proximity to you. You stare at his lips mindlessly, not knowing what to say. Why would he go this far for you?

"I don't think anybody in your world wants to see you with me and, she seems like she is still in love with you, Yuta..." You admit more to yourself than to him, cupping his face in your quivering hands. His expression is very honest as if he wants to shout it out to you with every cell of his body.

"She can go to hell. So can all of them." It is but a gentle whisper and he waits merely a second for your nodded consent before he presses his lips onto yours and your legs turn to jelly. You take fistfuls of his black shirt into your hands for support as you wrap your arms around him, melting, drowning into the kiss without any hope of surfacing. His hands run up and down your torso, trying to touch as much as body as possible before deciding to settle one hand on your ass and the other holding your chin to face you as he breaks the kiss to take a breath.

The two of you huff, separating yet still connected by a slimy string of your salivas. The weather doesn't seem chilly anymore as you feel his marble-like, wet back from under his soaked shirt. You also find your nipples poking out of your dress painfully, your collar bones shining with sweat as Yuta notices them and swoops right in to start kissing them.

"We'll be papped in this position, dummy." You slap Yuta's back, looking around with haste to see if you had peeping company.

"Don't care," he mumbles, groaning while he peppers the top half of your chest and your cleavage with kisses.

"I care!" You tell him, trying to yank him off of you. "I don't want to be on the gossip pages of a tabloid, making out with you."

He looks up, his dark blue eyes feral. "My car has tinted windows. No flash would penetrate."

You follow his stream of thought to realize what he's saying and bite your lip. You nod at him to give him the green signal to take you back to his car, parked out at the front where the paparazzi is parked too.

But it is not near enough.

You are clinging on to his muscular arm as you walk and feeling the weight of his arm right between your breasts is driving you insane.

Thunder makes a surprise appearance as a previously clear sky starts collecting an army of angry, dark clouds, illuminated by a shameless full moon. It's about to rain down on you two people, whose passion knows no bounds.

"Wait, Yuta-" you make him stop halfway and bring down his face to kiss him yet again. You run your finger along his jawline, admiring how perfect its edges are and occupy your hand with grabbing his hair. You take a small break to mumble truthfully against his puffed-up lips- "I couldn't wait till the car..."

That is enough motivation for Yuta to pick you up in his arms like a doll and carry you the rest of the way to the car, with your legs wrapped around his waist and your tongue fighting his for dominance. Fortunately, it seems the paparazzi had deserted the front area of the casino and you hear them in a distance yelling out "gojo" and "ferrari". So it was him. Now you owe him one. Thanks to that, you're able to manage getting into Yuta's sexy black lambo pretty discreetly.

This is the first time you get to properly see the car and with its teal interior and white lightwork, it truly looks like an engineering masterclass. Somehow your brain wires back to Toji driving this car around smoothly through the streets of Vegas and you turn to Yuta who's already made himself comfortable in the driver's seat.

He looks at you with yearning but it's unsafe to drive under the influence of lust.

You stare at him though till he raises his brow.

"Are you sure you can drive the car, I mean, it's an expensive car." you say before you realize what's coming out your mouth.

Yuta makes the most interesting expression possible.

"Remind me whose car this is?"

"Yours?"

"Remind me what I do for a living...?"

".... drive cars really fast...?"

Okay that was stupid on your part. It's just out of Toji's smooth, more practiced hands and into Yuta's younger, more energetic hands - you didn't know what to think. You were now going to witness Yuta Okkotsu in his true element - doing the thing he was born to pioneer.

Yuta revs the engine and pulls the car out of its spot and out of the premises smoother than buttery silk. He gets on to the road and soon enough we accelerate to a comfortable pace.

You admire how perfectly this car moves, like a black cat prowling through the roads.

Once Yuta hits the highways though, he assaults the gas pedal.

"Ahhhh!!!" you yelp, feeling the air hit your face with the windows down. It feels like literally being slapped by the wind. This earns a hearty laugh from Yuta.

"You should sit in one of our race cars, this is nothing!" he yells, rolling down his window too.

Since it is the wee hours of the night, the highway is practically empty, and you watch Yuta own the road like he was meant to rule it.

"Woo-hoo-hooooo!!!!" You scream out again, this time, cautiously putting your head out the window. You watch the buildings and the shimmering rows of cars running on the local streets pass by at a distance. Your hair finds its own rhythm, flying with the wind.

When you finally get off the highway, the both of you roll up the windows and relax into your seats. You feel wide awake now, more than you've ever been before.

"That was the best!" you tell Yuta, still high on adrenaline.

"You're welcome..." he says coolly.

"Where are we going?"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like stars?" Yuta turns to you, smiling, probably already knowing your answer by how your eyes begin to twinkle just like those stars he mentioned.

****

The car finds itself right at home by the edge of a cliff as Yuta helps you out of the car and locks hands with you. It is quite windy up here too and the cliff overlooks the Vegas City, the view is mind-blowing.

But nothing can beat the expanse of the universe that is showing you a glimpse of itself in the night sky. You stand there looking up at the myriads of colors and glitter decorating the inky black canvas of the night. You spot at least 5 shooting stars in 30 seconds.

"Come here." Yuta calls out to you, and you turn around to see that he has laid out a fluffy blanket on the hood of his car and has another one in his hand for you two to use, perhaps.

You approach the car skeptically and ask Yuta if it can handle the weight.

"It can handle much more." He comments, urging you to join him on the hood of the car. The two of you maintain a good distance between you on the hood, but you so want to touch him right now. The sparkling sky finds its home in Yuta's dark, spectating eyes too and you can't help but look at him with... l-love?

For a while the two of you just sit there, enjoying the view and saying nothing. The silence isn't awkward this time but calming, very warm. You bring your knees closer to your chest. Without club alcohol, you feel shy now, of all times to be shy.

The last strand of your patience snaps though when you put your hand down on the hand and accidentally brush fingers with him.

The two of you exchange a look and you are not sure what's stopping you two? Dignity? Qualms? To hell with all of that.

"Stop looking at me..." you whisper at him, slowly sliding towards him, across the hood and climbing on top of him, right on his crotch, making him lay back down on the hood. He, however, does not want to stop looking at you like he wants to drink you up,

"Look anywhere else!" you gasp, placing your palms face down on his chest and yet, he won't break eye contact at all. He is studying you now, up and down, eyes stopping a second too long on the cleavage out for display, your lush thighs around his hips.

"Why, is it bothering you? I'm not going to look away." He declares, propping himself up on the hood and running his hands up and down your sides. The roughness of his hands that is evident even through the dress makes you bite you lip and breath out harshly. You are now practically sitting in his lap.

"Usually..." He continues, bringing his lips dangerously close to yours, brushing them against yours as you breathe in his heady scent.

"People have a thing for doing this stuff inside the car." His tongue slides across your bottom lip and he moves to bite your earlobe.

"Yet, here we are..." he comes back to your lips, nose brushing against yours as his hand snakes up your side to hold your neck gently. "Right out in the open... inviting anyone to see, am I right, Y/N?"

You look at him with pleading eyes and move in to kiss him but he uses his other hand to hold you by your hair. He doesn't hurt you but pulls with enough pressure to keep the two of you apart.

"I want to touch you..." you confess. What is his problem, this jerk? The only thing he is accomplishing by delaying this is making your heart race and making your bottom wet.

"Would you have gone with Gojo if he really invited you out for a ride?" He asks, his eyes darkening further while his fingers stay intertwined in your hair. Oh, now you see. He is the territorial type. Well, you can't judge him, so are you. But two can play at this game.

"Well, he was quite hot." you lie with a convincing smile, pretending to dream of some attractive version of Gojo that does not exist in your brain. Sure, he is handsome - but, Yuta made you suck him off in record time, that's something. Even Megumi took a month.

Yuta must believe what you say because his grip in your hair tightens ever so slightly.

"What did you talk about?" He asks, cocking his head to the side as he uses his free hand to slide it down your back and raise your skirt up. He must be pleased to find his target already soaking wet and you barely control a squeal when he plunges two fingers in at torturously slow pace. You have wanted him for so long though, that you begin to lose focus and he lightly tugs at your hair.

"Go on, what did you talk about?" he demands in a lower voice.

"Huh, oh yes." you try to continue your farce. "H-he was telling me how good I look. He told me he's a good ride." you grin at Yuta and he curves his fingers upward into your womanhood to finally earn a disgruntled moan from you.

"You riding him? Don't make me laugh." He says, a twisted smile forming on his face that only makes you want to prod him more.

"Why not?" you push. "He's tall, has a majestic body. He looks like he's got a lot of endurance. He looks like h-he'd b-be." With every compliment you direct towards Gojo, Yuta's pace increases as he assaults your sensitive spot.

"He what?"

"H-h-he... it would be fun to r-ride-" before you can finish your sentence though you can already feel a balloon of pleasure inflating rapidly inside your nether regions. You were about to cum any second now.

But just as you are about to go over the peak, Yuta pulls out his fingers without warning. Your brows furrow together, and you look at Yuta with a face so shocked, he almost wants to laugh.

"What happened, baby?" He asks, pushing his face into your cleavage. "Go on... tell me." he says, the vibration of his voice making your nipples erect.

"Why'd you stop?" you ask him, still unable to fully recover from the loss of your orgasm.

"That's your punishment for lying about Gojo."

"Yuta that's unfair!" you grab a bunch of his hair and hug him tight, making his nose press between the valley of your breasts.

"Mhmm..." he replies lazily. "I can give you a chance to make it up to me though." He kisses your nipple through the fabric of your dress and looks up at you. He doesn't need a nod to know that you are up for his challenge. He helps you shimmy yourself out of that flimsy dress and it lays discarded on the top of the car. Now you are butt naked in the middle of nowhere, atop Yuta's car. The thrill of it sends a shiver down your spine and certainly a shiver up your puss.

Yuta makes you get on your knees on top of the hood, facing the windshield. The cold touch of the glass on your squished breasts makes you sensitive and ticklish. He pokes your ass. "Up!"

At once, you raise your bottom for him to feast his eyes on. A leaky mess you are, glossy liquid covering your inner thigh and the opening to your womanhood. Yuta doesn't waste too much time gawking at it though and gets straight to business.

He licks one strip up your slit to get you started as you moan out. "Yes, that's your task. You only get to come today, if you are loud enough."

"What if someone comes running to find us?" you ask, turning around only to see Yuta raise a brow. "Isn't that what you want?"

You hate that he is right. This is exactly what you want. It's a massive, massive turn on for you, the risk of being seen. How does he know though?

You merely nod at him and lay your face back down on the glass as he continues to alternate between licking your nether lips and inserting his tongue into your hole. With each move, you are unable to hold you moans and whimpers that echo away in the night.

Soon, you feel another tingle of a bubbling orgasm and your moans turn to lower groans which makes Yuta stop again.

"Yuta, I swear to fucking god!" you scream out.

"Yes, keep that volume up!" Yuta grabs a hold of your ass and takes a deep dive into your crevice, picking up a lot of speed as he goes in and out with tongue and using two of his fingers to prod at your clit.

"Ah! Oh my goodness!" you shriek, moaning louder than ever, your breasts hitting the windshield with every time he thrusts his face into your heat.

"I-I'm cum-" this time, you are able to go over, losing your mind in the process, going cross eyed as Yuta doesn't slow down at all.

He doesn't stop until minutes later when your orgasm has subsided, and you are speechless from overstimulation. When he retracts you simply slump down the windshield and lay flat back on the hood, facing the sky - your face red and in a daze.

"How does it feel?" Yuta asks, placing a warm hand on your abdomen. He is completely soaked - in sweat and in your fluids. So is the blanket he laid out on the hood.

"Please Yuta..." you beg him, raising your hands up at him. "I can't, I need to kiss you, please..."

"God, baby..." Yuta pouts at you and leans over, connecting your lips together as your grab hold of his hair and deepen the kiss. This is all you wanted at the end of the day. To feel his lips and their warmth, to breathe in his odor. When you finally separate, you keep your heads connected and smile like a crazed teenager.

"Wait, it's your turn..." you remind him.

"It's fine. We can do that later." Yuta says, grabbing a hold of the second blanket to wrap around you while using the first one to clean you up down under. "You'll catch a cold out of here. Sorry, if I went too far."

You don't want to buy that though.

"You're going too far if you don't let me see mini Yuta again."

"Don't call it that oh my god." Yuta fake-heaves.

"But that's my favorite part about you!"

"What happened to liking someone for their character, Y/N?"

"Ughh... shush.. you!" you snap, getting off the car and reaching for your dress. It's a chore to put it on but you have to.

"I'm not letting you go without pleasuring you." you declare but Yuta merely guides you by the back and makes you sit inside the car.

"Soon, soon." he says. "We're going back to my hotel anyway. We need a change of clothes and a proper bed."

"So it's part two of last night?" you ask him teasingly. It was impressive that it had not even been a whole 24 hours yet it seemed like forever between last time and now. It also seemed like you got to know so much more of this man who was a complete stranger as of last night.

This made you smile but it immediately made you anxious as well.

When this night is over, where will the two of you be?

You were partially afraid to say anything and break your trance. what if this is all a dream?

"What are you thinking?" He suddenly asks, caressing your hair. This is the first time he touches you in a while. Well probably, it's only been a few minutes but it felt like a while.

"I-" you begin but are unable to find words.

"Do you think this is just an infatuation and will dwindle down to nothing in the next few days?" you finally say. It's better to face the truth now than to delay it. Yuta has to take a chance to ponder over it for a while which only proceeds to create a knot in your stomach.

"That depends on whether you believe in love at first sight?" he replies unexpectedly.

A woman of no nonsense, you can't help but reply "I don't."

"I don't either." he reciprocates. "But I do believe in potential at first sight."

He separates himself from you only for a moment to hold you and look into your eyes as he speaks, pouring out his feelings.

"After the first time we locked eyes, after our first conversation and after the first night we spent together - albeit it was rushed and impulsive and although I won't say I was in love back then, I can't stop thinking about you either." He tells you, transparently.

"This pull between us, it doesn't exist without reason. So I'm asking you..." He says, taking a deep breath.

"Are you willing to give this a chance?"

----

Megumi and you met at a mutual friend's house-warming party. Both of you were newcomers in a small town who migrated for work. There was that in common other than the fact that both of you were slightly awkward, not great talkers and certainly liked the indoors better than adventure. You were just happy that you could find a similar soul in a town full of older people or already married people with families. It was almost not surprising when the two of you started dating. It was a choice of convenience. There was love, without doubt. At least from your side. How could you hate a man, who made you coffee first thing in the morning after a long, tiring day at work. How could you not love a man who played with stray puppies he found on the side of the road. How could you not love a man who knew how to have intelligent conversations and also appreciate your intelligence at the same time.

For you, love was a no-brainer. If this wasn't your perfect match, who would be?

Although Megumi had never explicitly given you any 'I Love You's ,Who could Megumi possibly find in this small town that was more compatible with him than you?

So, when another new hire at the company, Nobara, first reached out to you to set her up with some social circles, you started out by inviting her home for dinner. The three of you had a pleasant evening and you thought nothing of it. Megumi and you had been together for three years at this point. You were even planning to adopt a dog together. You thought of yourself as a married couple, almost.

Then why?

Why, after a horribly taxing day at work, with chinese takeout in your hand and barely enough energy to make it your room, do you find yourself listening to noises of a creaking bed. Why do you find yourself looking at your boyfriend biting Nobara's lips as he tells her the filthiest, yet most romantic phrases. Why is pressing her forehead on to her as he cums. It doesn't make sense. Intercourse with Megumi was quiet, quick affair. That's why it was 'intercourse'. It was something the two of you did to quickly satisfy each other, mostly him.

When you dropped the take-out bag, curry streamed out onto the wooden floor and carpet, and you could only do so much to keep yourself upright and not fall into the small puddle of curry. The noise made the duo turn to look at you and your brain was completely tuning out what Nobara had to say. She seemed to be apologetic, pleading almost but your eyes only followed Megumi as his bare self got out of bed, put his pants on and walked right past you - like you were air. Like you were invisible to him. He went to the restroom and closed the door, with Nobara scurrying out of the house, half clothed.

That night, a part of you was lost forever. The other part of you that refused to give up your survival instincts pushed you - it pushed you until you found yourself at Momo and Noritoshi's doorstep - the Kamo household.

You remember telling them the whole thing as it killed you again, word by word. You find yourself sobbing till you got a panic attack - and then one more. Momo had to call over Miwa and her boyfriend, Kokichi too.

They were the ones who decided that to pull you out of this, you'd need to be pulled out of that town.

The Vegas trip happened only after you promised yourself in the mirror, with a lot of conviction that you would never, ever fall in love with a man again.

----

It's like his confession sobers you out completely. You fall back into the chasm of reality.

Yuta's dark blue eyes wait earnestly for an answer. And maybe you know what you're going to tell him. You'll have to tell him it's not going to work. You'll have to tell him you can't place your heart in jeopardy again.

You will have to stab yourself in your heart because you can't afford to hurt yourself, but you absolutely can't lie to this man and hurt him too.

After tonight, you will let him go..

"Let's get going, Yuta." You laugh nervously. "I'm too tired, don't mind if I sleep."

to be continued.... PART 4 HERE

a/n: phew, this part took some time to figure out what direction I wanted this to go and what elements I wanted to include in this part. Expect a LOT of angst in the next one. I believe Part 4 may be the penultimate chapter. Till then, stay tuned and stay healthy!

[angelicnymph]

♟Mafia Boyfriend Geto Suguru comforting you during your period♟

!!Cw: Slight Mafia mention, Both reader and Suguru are consenting adults, no kidnapping involved, reader voluntarily went to Suguru, abusive family.

NOTE: You are still living at your old house with your family.

Kindly please support me by liking and reblogging my posts. It helps a lot. <3

You woke up this morning feeling something wet dripping in your underwear. You quickly went to the bathroom and took a warm shower, pour hot water in your hot bag and flop back to bed as you were in excruciating pain due to your cramps. You curled yourself into a ball, and fell asleep.

You woke up again in the afternoon and exchanged texts with your boyfriend. He apologised that he wasn't available this morning as he went on a mission. You shrugged it away and told him it was alright as you could manage your period.

18 00

You got out of your room, passing by the living room to go to the bathroom to do your business when you heard your bitchy aunt mentioning your name.

"You see Y/n could have done the job. After all, she just laid on her bed all day doing nothing.",

upon hearing this from your aunt, knowing she brought this up because she knew you were passing down and could hear her, your anger got the best of you. Your hormones were kicking you as well. You were in excruciating pain since this morning.. you were tossing around in your bed, hell you could barely make it to the bathroom without fainting.

"Well if you checked up on me, you would see why I was laying on my bed whole day. I was in pain."

You were going to rant on more to her but you decided to cut your conversation short as she would only give you a migraine with her bitchy attitude.

You went to the bathroom, did your business and then went to your room and started overthinking about your recent interaction with your aunt.

Just then, like an angel, your boyfriend, Suguru, called you.

Suguru: Hello Princess. How are you doing ? Is it paining too much?

You: Hi baby. Uhm it's- it's okay.

<Suguru could sense you weren't doing good. In fact he knew about your household issues>

Suguru: Baby. Dont lie to me. Tell me what's going on? Is it that aunt of yours again?

<you couldn't bear it any longer, as your hormones were really kicking in, your cramps came back as you started rambling about everything to him, how you were basically suffering since you woke up, the comments your aunt made about you despite you ignored her and how you feel so sad right now>

Suguru: That bitch!

Suguru: Baby. Do me a favour. You know that convenience store in your locality ?

You: Yeah. What about it?

Suguru: Come.

<Suguru actually just wanted to see you. But given the incidents, he decided you'll be spending a few days at his place. He happened to be in your hometown as he had his mission in a nearby town and he had to pass by to get home.>

You: What? Baby you are here?

Suguru: Yes sweetheart. Thought I'd just come to see your pretty face but given the recent incidents, I'm taking you with me babe. Ain't no way I'm letting my girl spend her vulnerable days in such a shitty house with a bitchy family. I'll be waiting for you Princess.

With that, you both cut the call as you took a small bag, put your necessary underwears, pad, a few other essentials. You didn't bother to bring clothes except a few comfortable nightwears as you already had a few t-shirts at Suguru's, more like his t-shirts which he gave you.

You quickly made your way to the convenience store as you spot a familiar man with a halfbun, long hair draping over his back leaning over a familiar range rover.

You couldn't bear it anymore as you launch yourself in his arms. Fortunately, Suguru parked a bit further away in the dark where people wouldn't really spot you both.

You held him tight as you buried your face in his chest as you cried your heart out and ramble everything to him, while he just hug you tight, pressing kisses on your forehead and whispering "it's okay" "I'm here now" "I'll take care of you" to you softly.

He waited for you calm down by yourself as you pulled away from him sniffing with glossy eyes, his arms still tight on your waist. He looked at you for a few seconds before pressing a lingering kiss on your forehead.

"You feeling better baby?"

You just nodded as he took your small bag, took a peak inside and put it in his car.

"Do you need anything more princess? Are you having a particular cravings?"

You simply whispered no.

"Hmm okay. Let's get in the car then baby.", he said as he opened the door to the passenger seat. You climbed inside as he quickly went to the driver seat. He reached a bag from the backseat as he gave it to you.

You looked inside as you saw your usual period cravings and the tampon/pad you used in the correct size. You simply smiled as you looked at him, noticing that he was already looking at you.

You leaned to hug him again which he gladly obliged as he pressed a kiss on your forehead, another one your nose and finally one your lips before you both pulled away and Suguru fastened your seat belt before fastening his and he took off.

While Suguru was driving, you texted your mom that you went to stay with Suguru. Your mom knew your relationship with Suguru and was supportive about it given how much hardships you go through with your other family members and she knew how much you deserved to be with Suguru.

You put you phone in the cup holder as you finished texting your mom and sighed as you looked outside the window.

Suguru reached a hand on your thigh giving it a squeeze as you looked at him.

"Thank you so much Suguru. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Baby it's okay. Afterall what kind of man would I be if I let my girlfriend suffer in such a shitty environment? You don't deserve this babe. You deserve so so much better. "

The rest of the ride was silent with the music playing in the background as you looked outside and Suguru focused on the road.

Suguru knew that as much as you crave contact, you needed mental space sometimes so he did provide it to you. But he also let you know that he's there by constantly keeping his hand on your thigh.

20 15

You both reached Suguru's penthouse in the City as he parked his car and get you out of the car.

He quickly gave you your bag and the other bag containing the things he brought for you before scooping you in his arms and carrying you upstairs claiming that he doesn't want to let you climb the stairs because he's the man.

He let you down as soon as you both reached the kitchen as he told you to make yourself home.

"Baby did you eat yet?"

"Uh not really. But I'm kind of craving potato Wedges and I was hoping if I could bake some?"

"Oh- how about you go have a shower and I bake you some?"

You insisted that he went shower first given that he was working all day but he simply urged you to go first and that's how you found yourself having a hot steamy shower while he was preparing your potatoes.

You came back to the kitchen in a pair of shorts and Suguru's old t-shirt. Suguru quickly saw you as you ran into his arms once again. He kissed your cheek as he told you he's going to take a shower and if you could just bring out the baked potato Wedges once it was ready.

You sat on the counter of the kitchen watching tiktoks before the oven clicked and you took out the potato Wedges.

That's when you noticed the smoothie in the blender. You assumed that it was protein smoothie for Suguru which he was preparing as the smoothie was still cold.

You poured the smoothie in a beer glass and you brought the blender to the sink.

As you were washing it, you felt someone behind you and before you could tell anything, you felt a hot water bag pressed to your tummy.

"What's my princess doing?" he whispered in your ear.

"Was just washing the blender."

"Oh- my protein shake is ready.", Suguru said as he took at the glass of protein shake on the counter and drank it.

You looked at him as he was drinking the protein shake as he raised an eyebrow at you.

"You want some?"

"Yeah. I was actually craving some milk."

Suguru smirked at you as he got out a shot glass and poured some for you as he handed it to you and continued drinking his own.

You looked at the shot glass and then drank it up. It was thick.

"That's not milk."

"It is. I just mixed oats and protein powder with it."

Suguru said as he finished drinking his protein shake and put it in the sink.

You put yours too and was going to wash it as Suguru stopped you and started washing it himself.

"Take the Wedges and go sit on the sofa baby. Pick a movie."

You complied to him as you went to the sofa and picked a random movie as he came to you not so long after. You both shared the Wedges as you watched the movie, occasionally laughing and giggling and throwing comments about the film.

As soon as you finished eating, Suguru paused the movie and took you to the bathroom where he passed you a new toothbrush and toothpaste as you both carried on with your night routine.

You both then returned to the living room to continue your movie. You snuggled to him as you loved his body warmth, it was better than your water bottle. You cling onto him like a koala as he circled his arm around you and started massaging the knots in your belly, providing you comfort. Your eyes started feeling heavy listening to his heartbeats as your head was on his chest as well.

22 15

It didn't take long for you to fall asleep as Suguru switched off the TV and picked you up and went to his bedroom. He removed his shirt as he wanted to provide you much body warmth as he could, checked if your water bottle was still warm enough and then slid behind you and spooned you.

You sighed in content in your sleep due to the surrounding warmth as Suguru turned off the lamps and pressed a kiss on your nape and drifted to sleep himself.

[dawnbreakerluna]

TAROT + L&DS...

i'm gonna expand more on my l&ds tarot post about caleb, because there was just so much more of my thoughts that i left out and i didn't wanna squish it all in a reblog. i keep coming back to the card spread and with it being in regards to very particular details, here's a few pointers i wanted to emphasize:

the only card that specifically speaks out to caleb and identifies him is the ten of swords. while both suits (the number 10 + swords) are significant in their power of what they symbolize, the cards that follow this situation are major arcana.

with the major arcana in mind, these are cards that are linked to more power that can flourish to something world-changing. it has to do with fundamental choices that feel like life or death with no in between. so even though caleb's darkness is going to disturb a foundational ground, the hanged man and the wheel of fortune (both reversed) simply mean the divine/the universe is going to be working against whatever he puts out because it's not beneficial or... good. lol.

in the numeric order of the major arcana, between the hanged man and the wheel of fortune are justice and death. the specific order goes: wheel of fortune (X) 🡢 justice (XI) 🡢 the hanged man (XII) 🡢 death (XIII). ((walk with me here, plz.))

it's common nowadays for tarot to be associated with astrology, however i am not too knowledgeable on it and only know the basic things! i bring this up solely to highlight justice, which directly stands between the card that symbolizes caleb's downfall & the card that symbolizes the the person who would be most affected by caleb's betrayal (the mc). the zodiac sign associated with justice is libra... xavier is a libra.

ADDITIONALLY & MORE IMPORTANTLY – the card that comes before the wheel of fortune in numeric order is the hermit (IX). the zodiac sign associated to this major arcana is virgo... zayne is a virgo.

justice is a card that embodies pretty much what its called: justice, signifying a balance or at most bringing it back or instilling it where it belongs. similar with the hermit, almost, that card calls for the need of self-reflection or a pointer to do so. with the hermit, it can also mean seeking the wisdom of a guiding light (similar to the one that the desolate man carries in the illustration of the card).

THE TLDR: xavier and zayne are going to play very big roles in resolving the central conflict (caleb). i think while it's pretty clear xavier just has this prominent role as the mc's protector/partner, zayne's role as a protector is going to shift into something more dynamic. maybe even risky. (perhaps, alluding to the theory that this may be dawnbreaker?)

that's pretty much all i have to say! i'm so exhausted from interpreting this and am going to replenish my energy (it's necessary). again putting the disclaimer that i am still learning about tarot, and doing this was just for the sake of fun! i think this is the most sense i've made of a theory just because i'm so passionate about the platform i used and i've understood everything so much better since i'm familiar with it. i'm really, really interested to hear any additional thoughts (or even further pointers/corrections on my knowledge) and i would love to hear from those who are more well-versed in tarot/astrology.

[yronnia]

[Edit: check my reblog too, screenshots from the book kindly provided by spookydazechaos]

Agnesses Nyce and not so accurate prophecies with screenshots.

The full list below.

Some are unreadable (to me), so I inserted some X-es instead, where necessary. Interesting is, that Orient Chariot is mentioned twice, in prophecy nr. 3819 anf 4019.

Prophecy nr. 3012 is only one I cant allocate, dont tell me its about Aziraphale and Crowley, when Agness adressed Aziraphale by "angel" "thyf " and "principalitee", whats the bit about the dragons? Because they have wings?

1111- An the Great Hound sharl come

and the Two Powers sharl watch in V

Goeth Where is, Where they

Notte, and he sharl name it, True to l

and Hell sharl flee it

2213- I tell ye thyf, and I charge

ye with my wordes. Four shalle

ryde and Four shalle alfo ryde,

and Three sharl ryde the Skye

as twixt and Wonne shal ryde in

flames, and theyr shall be no stopping

themme, not fish, nor rayne nor rode, neirher

Deville nor Angel. And ye shalle be theyr also

2214- In December 1980 an Apple will arise no

man can eat. Invest thy money in Master Jobbes

thinking machine and good fortune

will tend thy days.

2315- Sumsay It cometh in Londo xxx or

New Yorke, butte they be Wronge, f xxx is

Taddes fild, Stronge inne hys powr, h xxxxke

a knight inee the fief, he divideth the xxx

4 partes, he bringeth the storme.

3001- Behinde the Eagles Neste a grate Ash hath fallen.

? 3007- Brings forth

For the devil lucks in plain sight.

Under an arc of pale moonlight.

3008- When that the angel readeth these

word of mine, in his shoppe of other mmennes

books, then the final days are certes upon us. Open

thyne eyes to understand. Open thyne eyes and rede

I do say, foolish principalitee, for thy cocoa doth

grow cold

3009- Seven, who hold the Scepther shall be killed,

xxx shall become a saint.

3011- xxThe?

and churces be laid open

opressed shall prevail, and oppose the cruen

foreginers. For a Boar of Cornwall shall give his

assistance and trample their necks under his feet

3012- A shower of blood shall rain and a ragging

famine shall afflict mankind. When dhese things

happen, the Red Dragon shall grieve, but when his

fatigue is over, he shall recover his strength. Then

shall misfortunes hasten upon the White Dragon,

and the buildings of his gardens be pulled down.

3017- I see Four Riding, bringing the Ende, and

the Angells of Hell ride with them, And Three sharl

Rise. And Four and Four Together be Four, and the

Dark Angel sharl Own Defeat, Yette the Manne

sharl claim his Own.

3477- Lette the wheel of Fate turne, let harts

en- join, there are othere Fyres than mine, when

the wynd blowethe the blos- soms, reach oute one

to anothere, for the calm cometh when Redde and

Whyte and BLacke and Pale approache to Pear is

Our Professioune.

3819- When Orients chariot

inverted be, four wheles in the

skye, a man with bruises be upon

Youre Bedde, achinge his head

for willowfine, a manne who

resterh with a pyn yette his

hart be.

3988- Whene menne of crocus come frome the

Earth and green manne frome thee Sky, yette ken

not why, and Plutos barres quitte the light- ning

castels, and sunken landes riseth, and Levia- than

runneth free, and Brazil is vert, then Three cometh

together and Four arise, upon iron horses ride, I tell

you the ende draweth nigh.

3989- He is not what he says he is

4009- Where the Hoggs back end the young

beast will take the world and Adams line will end

in fire and darkness.

4019- When Orients chariot inverted be a

man with bruises up thy bed, aching his head for

willow fine

4020- Let the wheel of fate turne, let harts

enjoin, there are other fyres than myne, when the

whirl wynd whirls, reach oute one to another.

5001- When the skies are xxxx, then ye

both must stand between the world and life and the

world of wae, where the iron bird lands no more

5004- When alle is fayed and all is done, ye

must choofe your faces wisely, for soon enouff

ye will be playing with fyre

[idiots-on-ice]

This is the Pride Ben Of Creativity. Reblog to spread the creative spirit. Absolutely nothing negative happens if you scroll past.

[oraclekleo]

Choi Beom Gyu (TXT) Ideal Partner Characteristics based on Tarot Reading

Hello and welcome!

I’m Kleo and I’m here to present some k-pop related tarot readings to you.

Disclaimer:

I would like to state that all these readings have a purely entertainment nature and their purpose is to bring some fun into my and hopefully yours lives. I have never ever met any of the idols / actors / celebrities in my readings, I don’t know them personally. Tarot reading isn’t an exact science and I can never guarantee any of it. Most of it is my intuition mixed with fantasy. Don’t take these readings seriously and don’t base any important decisions on tarot readings only, use your common sense.

If you wish to request a tarot reading, please read the pinned post on my profile first to see the instructions on how to request. I only do readings for idols / actors / celebrities of 18 years of age or older. Requests for readings including younger people will be automatically dismissed. If you feel uncomfortable with these tarot readings, do not engage in reading my posts. Thank you for understanding.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Deck: Crow Tarot + Heavenly Bodies

Spread: Ideal Partner

Questions:

Body

Heart

Spirit

Soul

Time

Place

Zodiac

Full Name: Choi Beom Gyu

Stage Name: Beomgyu

Group: TXT

Masterlist: TXT

Choi Beom Gyu

Beomgyu (TXT)

Deck: Crow + Heavenly Bodies

Spread: Ideal Partner

Body - IX The Hermit

Beomgyu’s special person is likely an introvert. They probably prefer to stay on their own and wear something comfortable. They are the type to go pick milk and cereals in convenience stores wearing their pyjamas. This person is unlikely to be up to date with trends but they have their own unique style. They might appear shy, nearly invisible in public. They are likely to have quiet soft voice.

Heart - 2 of Cups

Beomgyu’s significant other is likely to be a pure romantic at heart. They probably don’t hang out with people much but they read romantic books, watch romantic movies and dream about prince charming. It doesn’t have to be the mainstream type of romance and prince but they have their fantasies full of unconditional love in between two people.

Spirit - 8 of Pentacles

Beomgyu’s perfect match is still in a stage of crafting when it comes to their spirituality. They are exploring the possibilities and mapping the terrain. They are thoughtful and pragmatic and want to make the right choice.

Soul - 7 of Pentacles

Beomgyu’s ideal partner is a hardworking and honest person. They believe that they have to deserve their good fortune. They might believe in karma, though it’s not necessary. They believe in fair play and will avoid cheating at work. They probably dislike the boastful and show off kind of people.

Time - VII The Chariot

Beomgyu might find an ally in this person in time of need. He might be facing some rumours or false allegations and this person will come to aid. He will find a loyal and true friend in them first and a devoted and loving lover later on.

Place - Page of Wands

If Beomgyu and his ideal partner decide to live together, their home will be a place with a happy, warm and playful atmosphere. They both are likely to enjoy playing with toys or video games. They are likely to spend evening together in private and having fun.

Zodiac Sign - Cardinal - Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn

Thank you for reading!

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Comment! 💬

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Any Feedback is Welcomed ✅

[bistevethor]

Steve Rogers Fanfiction Recommendations

Happy birthday, Steve!

I know that there are some (a lot?) of steve fans who sometimes struggle to find fics focused on him, so I am here now putting a list of Steve fics. I was going to fics that I haven't seen recommended a lot and most of the ones on this post have less than 200 kudos only, but I end up putting everything (it's probably easier to put my bookmarks as public but well...). It's a massive list (over 100 fics?), so it's will be separated into several posts/reblogs.

Not all of them are from Steve's POV or even have him as the main 'main' character, but rest assured he played an important role and is featured heavily. Lots of these are friendship-focused but I categorized them. The shippy ones are mostly samsteve, thundershield, and some rare pairings because I don't venture to other ships a lot and when I did it's to the rare ones instead lol. Hopefully, any of you can find some gems from this list and these are as enjoyable or as good as I remembered. I'll continue to update it, hopefully, every time I find new ones.

Fics are under read more.

General

The Rocket's Red Glare

Steve was born on the Fourth of July (no joke), so a party is in order! Unfortunately, PTSD decides to rear its ugly head. Fortunately, Steve's got an entire team at his back to help him through it. And screaming goats.

an entry in the scrapbook of absurdity

In which Steve turns into a baby and bites people.

Baby Steve Adventures

Captain America gets hit by a spell during a battle. The rest of the Avengers look after him.

Do You Remember Being Happy? ('Cause I Sure Don't)

"Dragr," Thor called them. "Demons" Clint had said. "Thieves" is what Steve labels them as. AKA, the one where Steve is captured by creatures that feed off of happy memories, and the team is left to pick up the pieces. Post-Avengers.

In Search of (Bucky, Family, Home)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

A week following the events of CATWS, Steve recruits Natasha and Sam to help find Bucky.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do we need to recap again? You were shot three times, beaten near to death by an enhanced super soldier with a metal arm and then almost drowned. Yeah, your ass is going to need a few more days of healing time.”

The Truth When Captains Meet

Steve Rogers wakes up on an alien’s space ship being carried bridal style by Carol Danvers. As far as first meetings go, it’s memorable.

Irish Coffee

Pairings: Jessica Jones & Steve Rogers

Jessica runs into an incognito Cap at a cafe. They form an unlikely friendship of sorts.

The Lifetimes of Steve Rogers (Series)

What happens when Steve Rogers steps onto the quantum platform to return the Stones? Where does he go? What challenges does he find? Who does he meet? How many lifetimes can one man have?

Fifty-Two Pickup

Less than a week after the fall of the Triskelion, Steve Rogers is released from the hospital. Although his physical wounds are almost fully healed, other injuries need a bit more time, and some help from friends.

little kids get big so fast

Steve ends up having to take care of the deaged Defenders.

Grampa Steve's Bedtime Stories

If Mommy was away for work, then Morgan’s Grampa Steve came over to stay with her. He’d tuck her in, let her give Mommy a kiss on video chat, then hand her the picture of Daddy for his kiss. Once Daddy’s picture was back on the bookshelf, Grampa Steve would turn off the bedside lamp so that Miss Friday could cover the ceiling with stars, and ask Morgan what story she wanted to hear.

“Captain Steve, Grampa! Tell me Captain Steve!”

Grampa Steve sometimes read to her from books and other times watched a movie with her, but her favorite by far was when he told her Captain Steve’s Adventures Through the Multiverse.

On Camping Trips

Sam is more Hermione than Natasha is, and Steve doesn't want to be Harry.

Powerful

Steve loses the advantages of the super-soldier serum. This is not a tragedy.

His Dream

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As if on cue, Steve cut him off with a loud sneeze.

"Yeah. Like that." Sam nodded. "And please sneeze into your elbow next time, dude. You could've just started an epidemic."

"Sorry. Allergies." Steve excused, and Sam raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know it's allergies?" Sam asked, and Steve sighed, putting the ingredients together and solving the mystery of what the gas had actually done.

The answer wasn't ideal. "It feels like the seasonal allergies I had before. Before the serum- and I haven't had them since the serum."

Realization clicked in Sam's head.

"The gas de-serumed you."

Steve swallowed and nodded reluctantly.

OR: Steve gets temporarily de-serumed, with his height and stature staying the same but his immune system being as bad as it was before, and has to stay in the hospital to prevent a severe allergic reaction or illness. Sam stays with him the whole time, making sure he's not alone.

A Strange Encounter

Things have gone awry and Strange is injured. With no other options, he's called for assistance from Captain America and his team.

even if we're apart, i'll always be with you

Steve finds a dirty toy bear at an abandoned gas station, on the way back from a school trip. He brings him home.

As Long as You’re Not Tired Yet of Talking

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

When Steve Rogers tells her, “Don’t be a stranger,” as they’re all going their own ways after New York, it makes her want to laugh.

Draw/Breath

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Natasha like knowing what makes people tick. She likes knowing things, about her teammates and her coworkers and herself. Oddly enough, sometimes other people like knowing her too.

AKA: Natasha wants to know why Steve isn’t drawing anymore, and takes the long way round to get her answer. Because why not.

With Magic We Do Fly

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

In Civil War we see Wanda fling Steve into the air with her magic. They must have practiced that, right?

Que Wanda throwing Steve against a wall. Many times.

Just Like We Practiced

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

Steve had said, in the movie when he asked Wanda to lift him into the building, "Just like we practiced." But just how did they come up with the idea of her lifting people with her powers, and putting them up somewhere like an escalator? Perhaps it was because Wanda accidentally sent a certain tall, blond Avenger face-first into the floor once and he decided he would help her learn to utilize this as a confidence building exercise. Natasha keeps an eye, Thor and Sam help build the training grounds, and Wanda has found her new home. Takes place between AGE OF ULTRON and CIVIL WAR.

Black and White but Red and Blue

They're watching black and white film reels, but Steve sees them in colour.

"My shield may be black and white but it was red and blue. Just like the blue sky under which red blood was spilled. Like Bucky's blue eyes and Peggy's red lips..."

The Road Warriors

Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff

It wasn't pretty, but somehow the four of them managed to make it through two years on the run.

We'll Fix It

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Steve has a hard time after his battle with The Winter Soldier and isn't sure what to do with himself. After not seeing him for a week, Natasha finally shows up to his apartment unannounced to figure out how they can get back to work. There is some crying involved.

From Here On Out

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

The Accords, the search for Bucky, the fight at the airport ... In a world where nothing will ever be the same, sometimes the road to rebuilding trust and friendship is a little rockier than it should be.

AKA, the story of Steve & Natasha and how they got to where they are.

Set post-Civil War but pre-Infinity War.

I have this breath and I hold it tight

Parings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Vision

Steve finally goes to Wanda’s tiny room and taps on the doorframe, although it’s hardly necessary, with the slightly warped floorboards creaking under his feet. “Hey,” he says. “Got a minute?”

Wanda's been a little withdrawn since Steve broke everyone out of the Raft. She's had a lot to think about.

to you.

Pairings: Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff & Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff & Tony Stark

It's Wanda's birthday today. She's not sure how to feel.

New Love

Pairings: Diana (Wonder Woman) & Steve Rogers

Near the end of World War II, Diana Prince finds herself attempting to reconnect to her long-gone, beloved Steve Trevor. However, she comes across Steve Rogers instead.

Sharing Life (And Canned Green Beans)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

It’s Thanksgiving, and Steve is hiding in the second living room on the 8th floor of the penthouse apartments with a can of green beans.

I'm Fine

Steve slowly began to realize that the problem with being a national icon, a hero, and a role model, is that somehow, he became more than human. He become a symbol, not a person. So when he becomes increasingly unhappy, deeply depressed, and utterly adrift in a world where he doesn't belong, the loneliness and isolation are unbearable. How could anyone believe that an iconic hero like himself was really just an ordinary kid from Brooklyn, dying inside because everything he'd gained still wasn't enough to replace everything he'd lost? How could he possibly bring himself to bleed on the ones he loves? So he tells himself the same lie over and over, hoping one day, he'll believe it.

dogpile

"My dog ate my mission report" An injured Steve remembers something he has to do. Unabashed Steve and dogs fluff. "Didn't peg you for a pet guy." "Allergies."

Alone In This World (Together)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

“We’re fugitives,” Steve said finally. “It might never get better.”

“The world’s always going to need saving," Sam replied. "We’re still Avengers. No one can take that away from us.” Then, like they hadn't been having an entire conversation before, “So when do we leave?”

“Once night falls.”

Do we have any idea where she is?”

“No.” Steve took a sip of his coffee. “But I know where she’ll be.”

it gets the worst at night

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Here's how it goes: Natasha sometimes shares a bed with Steve. It's not what it sounds like.

(In which there are Colombian drug lords, awkward boners, cuddly super-soldiers and the Avengers are all giant dorks.)

Shelter

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Sam and Steve, right after the fall of SHIELD.

Princely Bickering

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Jane Foster, Steve Rogers & Thor

Steve allows Sam to lean up and inspect his head for bruises and blood. He then checks out Steve’s eyes. ‘Do you know where you are?’ Steve rolls his eyes. ‘Don’t be an ass, Cap, apparently you can break.’ ‘London, England, chasing apparently useless Hydra intel despite having about five hundred international arrest warrants out for us because we’re just that stupid,’ says Steve. Sam pats him - gently - on the shoulder. Life on the run isn't easy, especially not after an injury. Fortunately Steve still has a few allies left.

And The Seconds Tick Down

AU of Civil War. How the world ended in twenty steps when Steve died.

"Grant" and "Francis" Go Shopping

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve and Clint both have holiday shopping to do for their family of choice, so they make a day trip to an outlet mall, have a few heart to hearts, use some coupons, buy a bunch of presents, and eventually get through their shopping lists.

A Tune Without Words

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As he and Sam prepare to begin searching for Bucky, Steve gets various offers of help—some more unexpected than others.

Purpose

Tony Stark wins the fight in Siberia completely by accident.

Steve Rogers does not resist his arrest as he is taken to the Raft.

Sam Wilson, T'Challa, and Pepper Potts pick up the pieces.

Full of Wounds and Still Standing on my Feet

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

The five times Steve looked out for Wanda, and one time Wanda decided someone needed to look out for Steve.

Three Awakenings

The first three times that Steve Rogers woke up during his first twenty-four hours in the twenty-first century.

Making Your Own Future

Characters: Steve Rogers, Diana Prince, Steve Trevor Five times -- plus one -- that Diana Prince and Steve Rogers encountered one another.

Better Living Through Pizza

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve takes some time off from soldiering and Avengering to get his head on straight, and Clint is assigned to keep an eye on him, because apparently SHIELD believes in the blind leading the blind. Steve really needs a hobby, since modern television shows baffle him, but Clint keeps bringing him DVDs and pizza.

Five Times Clint Barton Spoke with Steve Rogers about Growing Old and the One Time He Didn't.

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

When Steve Rogers reappeared from the past as an old man, there was a lot of catching up to do. Clint Barton made sure nobody got left behind.

Hammer's Totally Heavy-Handed and Incompetent Revenge

"So, at the end of IM2, Justin Hammer swears revenge on Pepper. He waits until Tony and Rhodey are halfway across the world to launch his attack.

Unfortunately for him, thanks to SHIELD, Iron Man and War Machine aren't the only superheroes in Pepper's rolladex. Steve thinks Pepper's just swell and doesn't take too kindly to somebody trying to hurt her."

Cue badass!Steve and competent!Pepper

Fan Mail

Steve starts getting his fan mail and receives an invitation to the prom. Written for a prompt at the Avengers kink meme. It was a great prompt, and so much fun to write and get feedback for!

Prom. Steve 'Grandpa Iceberg' Rogers at a 21st-century high school prom. "This isn't happening. This whole conversation is just an elaborate practical joke. Bruce really just has orders for widgets or something."

Bruce waved the printouts at him. "Fraid not. I don't really do practical jokes. Messing with other people's moods just seems. I don't know. Karmically unwise."

Mascot

Steve runs. People see Steve run. Steve gets adopted by the neighbourhood he runs through every week day morning. He finds this confusing. Tony finds it amusing.

Locks Not Replaced

Tony angsts back at Avengers' HQ, Ross is a bully and Steve makes sure he doesn't get away with it. In other words, there is much regret, a bit on the philosophy of locks, adventure and far too many Robin Hood metaphors.

woof

For a prompt on the avengers kinkmeme: "...something different happens when Steve gets Dr Erskine's serum plus the Vita ray treatment... Steve does get taller and stronger, but when the first full moon hits, he turns into a big friendly looking dog. Yes, he's a weredog, not a werewolf."

Mission: Baby

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

The Asset finds himself in charge of the care of a small baby, but somehow he knows—he has to protect the baby from all harm, whatever the cost.

14 Tracks

Pairings: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team 14 tracks from Steve's iPod and how they got on there.

Life Will Rattle Your Bones

Pairings: Erik Lehnsherr & Steve Rogers

Captain America and the Howling Commandos find Schmidt sooner than they thought... wait, what do you mean this is a *different* Schmidt?

In war-torn Germany, the paths of Steve Rogers and Erik Lehnsherr cross, part, and cross again.

come build me up

Pairings: Sharon Carter & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“Do you ever feel like -- like you joined up because you wanted to do good. You wanted to do the right thing but somewhere along the way, you just lost the whole fucking plot.”

“All of the time.”

Or: the one where Captain America and Agent 13 give long distance friendship a whirl.

Down in the Worn Out Place Again

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

“You don't look a day over 85, Captain,” Wanda says.

Natasha smiles, just barely, and nudges Steve with her elbow. “She makes jokes now.”

(Post AoU, stories about friendship.)

Satellites

Characters: Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Nick Fury Pairings: Natasha Romanov & Steve Rogers, Minor Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

In the immediate aftermath of SHIELD's collapse and Steve's plunge into the Potomac, Natasha considers her place in the world. Also the fact that Steve is depressing.

Timeless Classics

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Avengers Team Five An undetermined number of times (six, apparently) Steve unexpectedly got the reference (sort of), and one time everyone discovered something new together.

you just wait and see

Pairings: Rocket Raccoon & Steve Rogers

“Thor said you’re the captain.” Rogers says, his voice distant, sad smile growing into a sadder grin. “Tough job.”

The Small Hours

Pairings: Steve Rogers & T'Challa, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

"I'm not getting him back, am I." The words were flatly delivered – not a question so much as fatigued resignation. "We will do everything we can to help him," T'Challa quietly replied, but he wouldn't lie, not about this. Not to a fellow warrior he respected on and off the field of battle. "The possibility does exist, however, that the triggers are permanent."

The Man We All Remember From the Newsreels

Still getting used to the twenty-first century, Steve comforts himself with memories of long-gone friends. But Howard Stark, the man Steve remembers, is nothing like the man he sees in the newsreels.

we're all choir boys at best

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

You are totally getting laid tonight. "Please stop talking." You hijacked my brain first, this is totally not my fault.

Epistaxis

Steve doesn't worry the first time he gets a bloody nose that won't quit. But when it happens a second, third, fourth... He, and his teammates, start to get concerned.

You Close Your Eyes and the Glory Fades

His body isn’t his own, he knows that, knew before the procedure that everything would change. That was the easiest thing to wrap his head around, actually, the physical changes. He’s used to his body betraying him, so this is just another thing to learn his way around. But the colors of everything, even the sliver of blue sky he could see, craning his head at the tiny window, look different.

Looking For Answers (From The Great Beyond)

After the Battle of New York is over, and Loki and the tesseract are returned to Asgard, Steve takes a road trip across the country, and tries to figure out what he wants to do next.

Mourning the Future

Steve's ties to the past and the future are pretty tenuous, and the serum ensures he lives in an eternal present state of ever-youthful vigour. When an old war buddy gets handed his last marching orders, Steve has to wonder if everyone will eventually leave.

Riviera Life

Sam and Steve have been traversing Europe looking for Bucky. Not everyone is convinced it isn’t an open invitation road trip.

Voluntary Bros.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

"Dude, you could be twins, they tested you before they defrosted you to see if you were a clone or something, or if he was a clone," Clint said.

"I want to talk to him, I think. I mean, a girl threw her latte at me last week for not calling her back and this dude felt me up at an art gallery yesterday," Steve said.

Two Brooklynites and One Big Apple

Pairings: Miles Morales & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

“You did good out there today,” Captain America said, brushing a layer of detritus from his unfathomably broad shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

“Not if I see you first,” replied Miles, fingergunning with one hand as he sent a web rope fwipping off into the distance with the other, catapulting himself away at tremendous speed.

... in which two superheroes battle with bad guys, embark on community art lessons, and a friendship forms along the way.

Battle Fatigue

Steve thought he was doing okay. Things weren't going great, but they were fine, manageable even, and then suddenly they weren't.

We Become New Yorkers (or: Five Times Steve Rogers Looked For Home, and One Time Home Found Him)

New York is a million cities at the same time. This is how Steve found his.

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

In which Steve and Peter learn that the best way to get through a bad situation is together. And to avoid collapsing buildings. And that concussions are terrible, terrible things.

Leviticus 25

"You want to save Bucky Barnes? You are going to have to put your own house in order first because he is going to need a rock to cling to. You are not ready to be that rock for him. You owe it to him -- and more importantly, you owe it to yourself -- to figure things out, figure out how you can be happy in this time and place, whether or not Barnes is with you."

Strike

Sometimes the road to recovery involves bowling. Conveniently, so does the one to the Grand Canyon.

Conversation in Wakanda

“I have been told that you had the privilege to share a training session with some of our Dora Milaje,” T’Challa says. “May I ask how it went?”

“Well,” the Captain huffs. “There’s no polite way to say it: I had my ass handed to me. Repeatedly.”

He sounds and looks utterly delighted.

Contact Light

Everyone thought computers would be the thing that really blew Steve's mind about the 21st century. They were wrong. When he finds out that he missed the moon landing, it's the start of an ongoing obsession with space that maybe involves Neil deGrasse Tyson, Twitter, and Star Trek marathons.

Twenty-Two

“This is Lucky,” Clint said when a dog got between him and Natasha. Lucky’s vest was bright, like desert mornings and night explosions.

“Does he help?” Natasha asked.

Clint pressed his hands flat on the counter behind him. “He saved my life.”

Natasha looked at Steve, her expression fierce. Steve resisted the urge to yank down his sleeves. Instead, he dug his nails into the puckered skin on his forearms.

AKA An AU in which Steve is a veteran just trying to survive (or not).

Gray

Peter doesn't expect Steve to show up at his house one night when he gets home from school. He also doesn't expect to have a long conversation with him, and choose to be on his side instead.

We're Happy, Free, Confused, and Lonely at the Same Time.

"Tony isn't sure, but he *thinks* Steve Rogers is going to try and argue with him about not being a kid, while wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and plaid pyjama pants watching a Disney movie. Tony really hopes that is the case. The Captain America voice looses all affect when wrapped up in that blanket and Tony can't wait to inform him as such." - The one where Tony realises that Captain America and Steve Rogers are not the same person, and Steve is so much younger then he thought.

This Isn't A Love Song, This Isn't A Fable

Steve's not OK with people's perception of Captain America, no matter what he says or how much he pretends otherwise. It's like no one in this time period realizes that there's more to him than a spangly outfit. And yes, he's including the Avengers in that. ... or, the one where everything's all right, until it's not.

it's safe here in our new world

Post TWS. In which Natasha and Steve go shopping, have Thursday night movie nights, and learn that Natasha loves to platonically kiss Steve. Which is good, because Steve loves being platonically kissed by Natasha.

Shadowboxing

Pairings: Matt Murdock & Steve Rogers

It doesn’t matter how many times you fall – what matters most is how many times you get back up. Steve Rogers knew this lesson far too well and it was one Matt Murdock had endured all his life. With both men at their lowest, could a chance friendship bring each of them to their feet again?

Everybody Eats When They Come to My House

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“You’ll ruin your dinner,” Sam says, gesturing with Steve with his spatula.

i fear for the calendar; its days are numbered

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Before she goes off the grid, Natasha gives Steve her phone number. He’s honored that he’s the only one to be trusted with it, but quickly learns that she spends most of her free time texting him Dad jokes.

Status Quo Ante

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

A tale in which Sam suspects he should be used to this by now, for values of 'this' that involve certain folks he hangs out with and situations he finds himself in, Team Cap becomes Team Ex-Cap becomes TBD, and nobody but Clint really wants to know what happened to Scott Lang's GI Joes. (Sam Wilson from the final scene to the mid-credits scene.)

The Glass Parade

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

Steve thinks that he’s seen Natasha be at least three different people in the short time he’s known her, and he isn’t sure which one is real.

In which the most confusing part of the future is how much Steve has in common with Natasha, and the fact that she seems dead-set on being his friend.

Still Life

Steve Rogers and a very modern form of art therapy. (The one where Steve draws himself out of despair and into some notoriety when his cartoons hit the internet, but he's still not allowed to look at Tumblr without an okay from Pepper.)

Selective Service

The serum's given Steve a lot, but it hasn't taken anything away from him. Not even the things he never wanted in the first place.

I'm a Hustler, Baby

Steve Rogers has a talent for pool--and for making others believe he's terrible at it.

The Healing Properties of Felt-Tip Pens

Rapid healing has worked wonders on Steve Rogers' body, but occasionally it really screws with his head. In the aftermath of torture, Bruce Banner helps Steve to reconcile mind and body.

If I Die Before I Wake

It's his job, as their leader, to endure the sadistic focus of their captor, and that is the one thought that carries Steve through.

Even Gods Do

Captain America doesn't have a good relationship with sleep anymore. Also, he's not a toy.

Under My Skin

Written for a prompt on avengerkink: I want to see something where, for whatever reason, Steve's accelerated healing turns out to be a bad thing. Something where the faster healing is making things worse. I would prefer something other than the standard, super-healing allows for more torture without death. “He's lucky – to have the serum, to have you all.” Tony wasn't sure about that first part. When one faced death and destruction every day on the job, there were many advantages to having a healing factor...and a great many disadvantages as well.

A Glossary of the 21st Century

Pairings: pre-Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

Steve's sick of not understanding what's going on, and the team are not all that helpful, so he starts keeping an illustrated notebook for further research. With the help of wiki, google and Logan he starts to settle in and find his place in the twenty-first century.

Blanket Gift Policy

“You didn’t,” Bucky said, with no real hope of being contradicted. Clint shrugged helplessly and passed him the large, soft bundle wrapped in shiny purple foil.

“Sorry.” Tony covered his eyes with one hand.

“I’m getting a migraine.”

“So,” Bruce said wearily, “counting Clint, me, Bucky, Tony, and Sam, that brings it up to five.”

“Excuse you, mine’s not a blanket,” Sam said. “Mine’s a slanket. Big difference.”

Bucky resisted the urge to throw the whole heap of parcels at Sam’s head. “Because it has sleeves? It’s still a blanket, Wilson. They’re all blankets. Even Thor’s direct-from-Asgard raven gift delivery was a cloak, which just means it’s a blanket with a strap. We all got Steve a goddamn blanket.”

One Tin Soldier

Written for a prompt at avengerkink: Because really, under any other circumstances, why would they follow him when he's some guy who's younger than the rest of them (time as a Capsicle aside), who goes around wearing that spangly outfit, who's not even used to the modern world? Why Steve Rogers, rather than a Norse god or the CEO of Stark Industries or anyone else?

“Love is for children,” she'd said, but respect knew no such bounds. The five times the Avengers accepted Steve as their leader, and the one time they followed without question.

and if there's life we'll see it

Steve is instantly taken with this idea of having the picture of the person calling you flash on your screen when they ring your cell.

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask (Before Assisting Others)

Steve keeps going, because they need him. Being Captain America - having the serum - is a responsibility and a privilege he takes seriously, and he won't waste it by sitting around resting in the middle of a crisis. But then the work is over, and the original victims of the crisis aren't the only ones needing looking after.

Way of the Eagle

Clint introduces Steve to kung-fu movies. Things escalate quickly.

Walking Wounded

In the aftermath of the battle against the Chitauri, Steve's doing just fine. Until he's not. Fortunately, Thor is a perfect mother-hen, Tony makes decent back-up, JARVIS is a genius, and Soap Operas are life-changing. (Or, Post-Shawarma Feels.)

[mulderscreek]

Got any halloween fics, from this year or oldies like this one? At me and It'll reblog you late tonight :D

Title: The Barest Bones Author: Neoxphile Category: Halloween-fic, Post Series Written for this challenge: https://mulderscreek.tumblr.com/post/659799768649826304/halloween-2007-challenge

Summary: Halloween finds Scully with a mission

October 31, 2007

The small hand in mine is warm. And there's still a brown smear of chocolate on his lips, a reminder of the Hershey bar I'd just given him. I smile down at him. "Come on, Sweetie, we've got to go."

He looks up at me with wide blue eyes, and I am dismayed to see confusion there. I thought we were both on the same page. It doesn't seem to be the case, so I pull him gently to get him moving. He doesn't budge.

"No!" He punctuates this by stomping a small foot so hard that his shock of red hair bounces. The defiance in his expression makes him look so much like Mulder that I almost smile.

"You shouldn't talk like that, young man," I scold, and his eyes threatened tears. Ignoring that, I hurry him past a display of half priced Halloween costumes and out the door. His small black sneakers shred fallen leaves as I drag him out onto the sidewalk.

Eventually I get tired of trying to reason with him, and pick him up. Since he immediately begins to shriek, this makes me angry with him. "Stop that!" Trying not to appear as nervous as I feel, I shoot a woman walking by an apologetic look. She shrugs, so I assume that she has an unruly child too. This doesn't make me feel better, because I don't want anyone thinking I'm a bad mother.

For a six-year-old he has a lot of fight in him, so it's a struggle to get him in the backseat of my new minivan and seat-belted. When I finally wrestle him in he kicks the plastic pumpkin filled with candy off the seat, and the treats scatter on the minivan's floor. Trying not to hiss in annoyance, I sweep my hands across the carpet and capture as much as I can, not caring that I'd managed to snag a wrapper or two as well, and stuff them back into the pumpkin.

I then put the pumpkin in the front seat - if he's going to act like that, I'm not going to let him have any more sugar. Maybe the first candy bar was a mistake. Trying not to stomp like an ill-tempted brute myself, I round the car and climb onto the driver seat.

"Where are we going?" he asks petulantly.

"Home."

"I want my daddy!" His small fists begin to pound on the window until I still him with a look. My mother would be proud.

"You'll see Daddy soon," I promise, but I don't mean it. Mulder wouldn't understand, so I'm not planning to bring William right home. I have to figure a few things out first. He wasn't there when I realized what's necessary, so he's been slow to accept the inevitable.

I try not to draw attention as I pull out onto the road, because Halloween night often brings out the cops. It's inconvenient to be stopped even if you're let go with a warning, so I'm trying to avoid that. There's no one around to notice when we drive off.

An hour goes by and he and I don't exchange a word. I suppose he's mad at me for taking him out of the store before he was good and ready to leave. That's just too bad. I hate driving at twilight these days, because the October sun has a way of glaring off everything and making it hard to see through the distortion.

Fortunately, twilight passes soon enough, and before I rear-end one of the idiots who slams on the brakes every time the sun gets in their eyes. Since it's getting dark, there are already costumed kids beginning to pour out of their homes, and it will only be a matter of time before they flood the streets. I'll have to dodge them.

A flare of green off to the side of the road catches my eye as I drive by, and I tilt my head to catch sight of a child's glow stick bobbing by, held on a string around their neck. I glance back in the rear view mirror, and decide that William needs one too.

He breaks from giving me the silent treatment by shouting, "Look out!"

Startled, I turn my eyes back to the road in front of me. I have no idea why he spotted it first, but I nearly nail a small black kitten with the front wheels of my car. Swerving at the last second, I'm able to correct and the feline rockets across the street like his tail is on fire.

"Eight lives now," the child behind me murmurs.

"They don't really have nine lives, William," I say quietly. My distraction is beginning to make me feel guilty, because it's far too obvious that my mind is not as fully on the road as it ought to be.

"Don't call me that," he snaps.

I wonder then what they've been calling him. Will? Willie? Billy? Surely not Bill. He's only a small boy, and my brother's choice of nickname is far too grown up for the boy in my car.

"Why don't I see if there's some Halloween music on?" I ask. Before long I find a station playing The Monster Mash. Once, when he was seven, Charlie created a dance to the song for a school play. Our mom taped it, though in pre-camcorder days the films had no sound, and I find myself wondering what happened to my folks' collection of home movies after Dad died.

While the song played William giggles reluctantly, but soon enough it's over. An announcement about a code Adam comes on next, so I flick the dial. "We don't want to listen to the news, do we?" Eventually Sam the Sham came on, and we're both amused by the wolf howls. At least I think it's shared amusement.

The news that some parents out there are missing their child has shaken me more than I want to admit, and I still am not driving as carefully as I ought to be. So when a sign advertising a haunted house rises up ahead, it seems like a godsend.

"Let's go there. It looks scary," I say with false cheer. A break from driving is what we both need.

"Already scared," comes the muttered reply.

That's disheartening. Mulder is never scared, and, short of perps breaking into my home, I rarely have been. Why has our boy turned out to be a scaredy cat? Perhaps braveness isn't something that gets passed along in genes.

Maybe he just needs toughening up. "It'll be fun."

To my surprise he doesn't need to be dragged out of the minivan. Instead he comes along, hesitantly, but on his own two feet.

There's already a crowd waiting to go in, so I clamp my hand to his wrist so there is no chance that we'll get separated. Not that there is much danger of that, given the way he cringes against my legs every time a person in a mask comes within ten feet of us. If he's this scared in line...

"I think we should go home," he whispers urgently a second after I take our tickets.

"We will. You're going to like my apartment." I hope he will, anyway. Mulder and I had had a huge fight about how I'd decorated William's room.

"I don't want to go to your apartment. I want to go home!"

Just then a clown races by, wielding an axe. I pull William behind me, but he still gives a shriek of terror.

It takes two long minutes before he's calmed down enough to speak to. "You're going to live with me now, William, I thought you understood that."

"Stop calling me William! My name is Nicholas!" he shouts at me, his face nearly as red as his hair. "My name is Nicholas Turner!"

"Sweetie, that might be what your adopted parents told you-" I start to say, but he cuts me off in a rush.

"I'm not adopted. I look just like my dad, with his red hair. And I'm left-handed like him too."

That doesn't mean anything, I tell myself. There are lots of left-handed kids who have two right-handed parents like Mulder and I. There's no reasoning with a boy that age, though. "That's no way to talk to your mother."

"You're not my mother! I'm eight now, and my mother died when I was six. And you're not her!" With that, William turns, breaks free of my grip and runs deeper into the structure.

I follow after him, but slower. A single father. I suppose that explains why it was so easy to take him from the store. Not that anyone ever questions a red-haired woman and child, even if that child is screaming. It used to exasperate me to no end growing up that people would ask of every other redhead we knew "are you related?" But now I've found a use for that inability to tell us apart.

But I think of his father now. If he'd been truly loved, even a single man would have kept an eye on him, not let him wander the store. Not let him take candy from a stranger, and hold her hand.

And that's what I am, I realize as I side-step a screaming ghoul. This boy is too old to be my William, and there's no way to make him into him. It's not the first disappointment, the first one was too young. And a her, I discovered when I changed her diaper. But she'd looked so much like William as I watched her doze in the seat of a shopping carriage. She even had the same sweater I'd once put on William.

I think Mulder brought her back to the store. Maybe he put her in the same carriage I'd taken her from. I suppose she eventually found way home.

Not like my little lost boy.

Mulder doesn't think we'll ever find him again, and he starts talking about hospitals every time I bring it up, ever since then. I'm smarter than that, and I didn't tell him when I found William this time. He has no idea where I am, and that suits me just fine.

Borne along by despair for having failed a second time, I finish walking through the haunted house. None of the people in costumes scare me at all, because I've seen true monsters in the past fifteen years. Some of them left their scars, but all have left marks. Enough to bruise my soul.

Though it's not frightening I feel a kinship of a kind to the fake skeleton hanging from the rafters of the haunted house near the exit, so I linger to study it, ignoring the screams of over-excited teenagers that are finding the frights I didn't. It's not the sort that would be accepted as a substitute for the real thing in a medical class, but it's pretty close. All it lacks is artful artificial sinew holding it together. It could be me hanging there.

After five years on the run I've been pared down to the barest bones. I lost Dana years ago, but even Scully was striped away piece by piece as we've fled one danger after another. We're still not safe, and I've littered seven states with the remnants of myself.

I know that Mulder is trying so hard to understand, but his whole life has been chaos, so for him it's just been one more time into the breech. I wasn't built to withstand a world turned on its end, a life of sucking maelstrom, and I'm struggling. I think the fact that I realize this is what scares Mulder the most. His own forays into madness have always run into him head first, but for me it's a slow seduction. I fight it, but sometimes it's like a lover you know you should leave, but talk yourself out of fleeing.

I decide to leave the boy there. Someone will bring him home. He's not what I need. I find a car with the keys in it, and leave my minivan in trade.

There are screams as I leave the parking lot, but when I get a tenth of a mile away I can't hear them any more. All I hear is the pound of my sadden heart. It's a slow steady rhythm, and it promises to keep going forward longer than I'm sure I want to commit to.

How long can anyone go on this way, shivering without their skin?

It's full dark now, and small shapes rush past my vehicle, clinging for dear life to bags of candy. I smile to see them, and think back to when I was them in my life. That's a bit of lost Dana trailing after the big kids. She'll never catch up.

The headlights of my car lighten up a lone figure. He's too young to be out alone on a night like this. When I see the red of his hair lit up like the sun, I pull the car over and draw the plastic pumpkin full of candy onto my lap.

The End

End Note: Mulder is easy to imagine losing his mind, but I think Scully would be less inclined to fall into madness' embrace. Everyone has their breaking point, though. Five years on the run just might be hers.

[kryptsune]

World Building Wednesday!~Yokaifell

🌼One of my personal favorites was chosen this week and I am so excited! It was a tie between Wiccafell and this and I just decided to do a little coin toss. I am happy to also announce that the ideas in Yokaifell will also be appearing in a more original form in the Souly Damned Universe. I will talk more about that on SD Saturday!

Yokaifell AU

Yokai Masterlist:

[Red] Ryutsuki (Ryou) 龍月- Kitsune (Kitsune Ebi- Shou & Rin)

[Boss] Kuro  黒- Gashadokuro

Doomfanger- Maneki neko (a variation of the bakeneko this kind brings good luck and fortune which I thought would be cute for the brothers. Hilariously Doomy was with Boss before he died coughs. Doomy is kind of like that cricket in Mulan supposed to be lucky but... questionable.)

Flowey: I am unsure if I am planning on putting Flowey in this or just have him as Asriel. Either way, he would most likely resemble the higanbana. These are also Red’s flower of choice, which is…ironic if you know the language of flowers.

The Dreemurrs: (this is a hard one. There are no Yokai as far as I can recall that are goat like, however there are some good candidates that could work. I have a few in mind right now and that is the kotobuki, hakutaku, shisa, Kirin or even the baku.

Undyne: Uni nyobo

Alphys: Honengyo (This is kind of the “Godzilla” idea she would just be mini XD)

Muffet: Jorogumo

Grillby: Onibi (this is a strange one because he would have to be a combination of onibi for this to work but don’t worry I am on it!)

Gerson: Kappa/ Genbu (due to his wisdom)

*{The lesser monsters would be a variation of yokai not exactly pertaining to their UT counterparts unless I can make that connection. The Underground/ Underworld, in this case, it basically the spirit realm so it’s not really necessary. They are not exactly trapped like in the original.}*

Main Plot Synop:   Frisk is a foreigner trying to start a new life across the world in Japan. I am still trying to pick a possible location in Japan but that is a minor detail. I will say that I would like it to be a little more secluded. It is also modern day (I settled on Izumo). The people she moves to live among tell Frisk of their traditions and stories but her being from the West she has a hard time understanding. Frisk is told not to stay out too late and wander the nearby forest but hey who listens to reason? She ends up getting lost, alone, and afraid. That is until a series of flame like lights presumably show her the way back to the town. This happens a few times but she becomes more and more curious by them until they lead her deeper into the forest. She comes upon the entrance of an abandoned shrine stopping before a Torii Gate as the lights disappear. These are kitsunebi by the way. Only when she is hesitant to pass through it do they appear on the opposite side.

She ends up being startled by a white haired human that seems to have just appeared out of thin air. He tries to speak to her but she barely understands the language if only a few words. In frustration the stranger steals a kiss from the shell shocked human girl only for her to suddenly be able to understand what he is saying. A still highly confused Frisk ends up learning that he is in fact a demon or rather her interpretation since she is from the West.

It turns out that in order to give her the ability for her to understand him a dose of his magic was required changing the physical makeup of her soul causing it to become desirable to other hungry yokai that roam both the spirit realm as well as the night. Not believing his claim and rather angry at his sudden advance she storms off heading back toward the village. She begins to see more than she should as spirits appear out of the woodwork.

An oni appears in front of her ready to devour the poor unsuspecting human in which she ends up running back to the gate in order to avoid the giant monster. At first Ryou is not interested in saving the human girl but it is his fault that she has ended up in this situation. He saves her but not before she ends up accidentally running through the Torii Gate attempting to dodge an attack. The beast follows and Frisk ends up trapped in the spirit realm when the monster destroys the gateway. Kuro, Ryou’s older brother makes quick work of the beast.   

The rest of the story revolves around Frisk trying to return home which requires a journey since a human does not belong in their realm and the gate to “leave” is on the opposite side of the realm. It is incredibly dangerous for someone like her to be there so she ends up in disguise with the help of Grillby and Ryou. Ryou is a kitsune so he is able to create the perfect disguise adding more magic to her soul to fool it into becoming a yokai temporarily. He is surprised to find she is the same kind as him, a kitsune. 

Their journey takes them all the way across the spirit realm to find another gate and on the way they run into a colorful cast of characters. Some are helpful spirits. Others are man eating demons that are looking for a delicious human soul to devour. At first Frisk is content staying with the brothers but a human does not belong in their realm and that causes complications. 

Yokai Lore/ Spirit Realm world: 

The spirit realm is a dangerous place that few humans have ever set their eyes on. It the world between. A space that is home to various yokai. Humans cannot naturally see spirits as the modern setting has diminished the humans that still believe in them. They are not trapped but rather there is a hierarchy that is established. The more powerful the yokai the more they are able to interact with the human realm. 

Hierarchy brief explanation (restrictions and interactions): 

Servants of the gods- Yokai that can interact with the human world during the day or whenever they see fit. They are messengers for their respective deities. They are not known to be troublesome or mischievous. 

Kitsune- A more rare type of yokai that can shift its appearance at will but mostly represented by that of a multi tailed fox. Some of them are servants of the gods but those who have no alignment can walk among the living during the day for a duration of time. When the night comes they can walk freely and interact with humans as they see fit. They are mostly known for luring humans away with kitsune ebi or fox fire.

“Boss” Yokai- Yokai gain their status by either specific species or their prestige. That can either be obtained by LV gain or doing favors for the gods. Some are hostile and some are passive it depends on the encounter. They can walk freely during the night without hindrance but unlike the two prior they cannot take form during the day. 

“Lesser?” Yokai- Yokai that are relatively weak and unable to hold a physical form in the human realm. They can move objects and possibly possess humans but they have no ability to interact on a substantial level. They can be seen by some humans as little dancing and vanishing lights. They can rarely pass the barrier as is.  

Lost souls- Lost spirits that wander between realms. They cannot interact with humans but can be seen from time to time. They are what the west consider the typical ghost.

Human Struggles Info {Plot}:

A human does not belong in their realm which also means that the world is also an enemy. The power of the soul plays a huge factor in this as weak souls are more susceptible to the world influence. There are three different outcomes that are possible for a human if they end up trapped in the spirit realm.

Dinner is served-  A large number of yokai are known for their man eating tendencies finding human souls and flesh a kind of delicacy. Some are beasts that kill for pleasure but humans worst outcome is being eaten or killed.

You’re one of us now- A strong human soul slowly can be changed. The soul decides what kind of yokai that humans can become or will become. It is entirely possible that most of the yokai were once human but it is unknown. They are usually lesser yokai or spirits.   

Lost soul- What the title implies. A soul unable to remember who they were. They wander for the rest of eternity searching for answers they will never receive. They are miserable creatures that pull others into their fate. Their depression is infectious and anyone already questioning themselves could easily find themselves among their ranks. They are not malicious only confused and desperate.  

Symptoms of becoming a Lost Soul: 

Confusion

Memory loss

Random emotional outburst/response

Physical weakness/fatigue

Relationship {Plot}:

Ryou and Frisk become close for a reason that they are both unsure about. They could be soul mates or his magic that is embedded in her soul begins to spread making her have feelings for him. Either way her love for him never wavers. A human can never fall in love with a yokai. It is not only forbidden but also very dangerous. *whoops* Their soul bond only grows stronger as their outward feelings increase. They spend the night together not understanding the consequences of that kind of action.

Unfortunately, Frisk begins to show symptoms that her soul is not powerful enough for this world and she begins to lose herself and forget. In desperation Ryou and Kuro make the decision to travel all the way to the end of realm to get her back to the human realm. When they get there she has a choice. She can stay and become a lost soul for the rest of eternity or leave and forget everything about them. Since Ryou and Frisk are soul bound she would feel a loneliness for the rest of her life unable to understand why. It is like losing a part of yourself. It hurts but she chooses the second option returning to the human world a little bit changed from before.

*Have any questions past this point be sure to drop them in my ask box! If you want to see more drop a comment and/or a reblog! 

(spoilers ahhhhead)

Epilogue {Plot}:

Though Frisk has forgotten about her soul mate and her time spent in the spirit realm she still has these feelings. She finds herself spending more and more time peacefully sitting by the gate or in the forests surrounding her home. It is calming and peaceful for her. What is even more curious is her new condition. She finds out by some miraculous way (not really she just doesn’t remember) that she is pregnant. When she has her children she finds them as normal children for the longest time until they turn 10. They start seeing things that they shouldn’t including dancing among little fire like lights that she swears she has seen before. She could swear she sometimes sees little fox creatures dancing in the flames. A trick of the light...right? 

Frisk doesn’t know but Ryou’s ability to walk in the human realm has him visiting his children and her even though she is unable to see him any longer. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night feeling like someone is there. A kind of warmth that she leaves her feeling cold when it’s gone. Her two children begin to show physical signs of being yokai including little fox ears and tails which she does not seem to question. It feels right to her for some inexplicable reason. Her children eventually see their father through the gate one day and Frisk is hesitant to step through it (for obvious reasons). She follows her children only to leave the human world behind once more meeting a stranger that to her is not so strange. Her memory slowly returns his Ryou’s help and they live happily together with their kids. It turns out that giving birth to two yokai children strengthened her soul from before giving her the ability to stay and become a yokai herself. As before she becomes a kitsune.

[writereaa]

Headcanons - Celebrating Lunar New Year with Grogu and Din (gn!Reader)

AYYYY my dear people, LNY has arrived and I am already SO excited for the event🥺 I hope that many have written or done something for it, and don't forget to either tag me in it or send your pieces to me via DM so I can reblog it!

This is not strictly Asian!Reader and is more ambiguous but it is still about Chinese/Taiwanese practises that I've grown up with. I've reworked the frames so LNY can fit into the Star Wars universe and I hope you enjoy this!❤

Wordcount: 800

🎆新年快乐, 恭喜发财! / 新年快樂, 恭喜發財!🎆

Masterlist ▪ LNY Event

The Moon Festivals are always a huge deal throughout the galaxy, even if not everyone celebrate it like they do for Life Day

Din didn't celebrate it before meeting you, but he knew some customs. When you express that you missed the celebrations from your home, he is a man on a mission

Finding a planet with a market was easy enough, he just didn't have a clue about what was actually necessary, and what was just holonet advertisements

He originally wanted to surprise you, but when he saw the huge variety of things that were sold for for the Moon Festival, he just asks you directly

It was for you, and he wanted to get it right, so Din approaches you and asks, listening intensely

Actually wearing red clothes was a bit complicated since you did not want to spend too much money on it and it would be impractical overall, so you settle on the little embellishments that were still red and brought good fortune

You buy little incarnate knots made out of red string at the market and hand a small one to Grogu, and he wraps his little claws around it, smiling at you with those little teeth

Unsure if Din would want to have one of the string knots, you give him one regardless, and he attaches it to his belt without a word, keeping it there for the rest of the day

Getting some of the specific food was a bit harder, but with some help of Grogu's apex predator instincts (aka reading the signs, but you're not about to tell the green baby that) you manage to find some dumplings

You explain the story behind the dumplings to Din, how they are shaped like the currency that ancient cultures that celebrated the Moon Festival. That they bring good fortune and express wishes for stable income

Coming across a stall where they sell red paper and little lanterns, you buy the cheapest ones, because even if they don't look as nice as the bigger ones, they will look perfect in the Crest

You also buy many tasty little treats for Grogu and judging by the excited coos and grabby hands, the small bundle could not wait to devour them

Back at the ship, you keep the little one out of the food's reach (since you still wanted some when you were finished) while Din and you decorate the hull

He hangs up the little lanterns while you place the red paper strips at the sides of each ramp, explaining how the red colour is rumoured to chase away evil spirits

Din wasn't about to discuss with you if those spirits were real, he had seen enough things and when he looked at what Grogu is capable of, he doesn't question that particular custom

The lanterns were small and glowed rather dim, but combined with the yellow lights inside the hull, the ship looks very warm and comfortable and Grogu can't stop cooing at the pretty colours (Din decides that he likes it very much and would probably keep these lanterns even after the Moon Festival)

That night, you share your food together, and you explain the meaning of each, adding the little backstories to each and every one of them

How you eat fish because it is a pun for surpluses in life, rice cakes for making you grow tall, noodles for longevity, apples stand for peace, oranges for luck, and so on

You hand Grogu a little red envelope, the credit inside weighing the paper package down, but upon seeing the money, he waddles over to Din and hands it to him with a sweet smile (Din was not choked up, not at all, what do you think?)

Because you did not want to risk any injury with fireworks, especially with the green toddler around, the only thing you had bought at the market were sparklers

Din wants to show off to his son and ignites the sticks with his flamethrower, Grogu giggling in delight. You, however, are not as amused

Letting the little guy hold onto the sparklers for the first few minutes, you would take them away if they burn down too low, not wanting to risk him getting injured

He was wary of the fire at first, but -- like the little menace that he is -- Grogu found an instant love towards the sparklers

All in all, even if it is not as traditional as you were used to, celebrating the Moon Festival on the Crest with your little Clan is a very sweet experience, and you would not want to have it any other way

……………

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Din Djarin/Vencuyanir Taglist: @concussed-to-pieces @amvricanhoney @mar-y-tixrra@hellojusttheretolookatmeemees @mxndoscyarika @jaime1110 @kyjoraven @absurdthirst @chibi-yuki

[wordynerdygurl]

Skin Deep - Part 6

Author’s Note:  Honestly, this story is nearing it’s ending.  Hard to believe that a little idea I couldn’t shake has now grown into this mini-series!  For all my die-hard homies, waiting for the next installment, I hope this is worth your while!  If you’re new here, take a look around, see if you like anything and please, let the management know if you have any questions!! As always, writing like this requires the emotional support of people and pets.  My dogs, Murphy and Winston, get me through a lot of plot bunnies just by being stalwart companions.  My husband, graciously, lets me take these flights of fancy when I probably should be paying better attention to him and his day... and some of my besties here on Tumblr make it possible for me to do this for you guys.  @sammy-jo1977​ , my sister from another mister!  Couldn’t/ Wouldn’t do it without you! To all the folks who follow me... My Minxes!  Love you all!  Stay well, be kind, and remember that Love, really does conquer all!  If you want to be a Minx, send me a note, I’ll happily add you to my tag list! Lastly, be sure to like and share anything that you see on Tumblr that catches your eye.  Creative types, we need the constant validation, you see?  Without it, like an unwatered plant, we wither on the vine and perish!  Be kind to those who help you through the day and reblog! Skin Deep Part 5 - click here for the previous chapter! Pairing:  Loki x Reader, Steve, Valkyrie & Thor all make appearances Summary:  Continued from Part 5, You and Loki put your plan into action, returning to Farmhouse.  When you encounter Steve again, you learn there’s more than two sides to this story. Warnings:  Loki’s POV and perspective, including mentions of his time under Thanos.  I’m re-writing MCU history here, but some of the main beats are the same, so look out for SPOILERS for Dark World, Ragnarok, and a touch of Infinity War.  The SNAP never happened because, reasons.  

Empathy used to seem such a human emotion.  Loki had no time for that on Asgard, not when Odin denied anything as frivolous as feeling.  Hiding in plain sight was the means to survival and if that made the young prince sneaky and sly, so be it.  By placing those parts of himself under lock and key; the parts that hurt, the ones that ached, Loki found it was safer to disconnect from others than subject himself to their suffering too.

Operating under the influence of Thanos and his minions when he held the scepter, Loki had purposefully divorced connection of any kind from his mind.  It was dangerous.  Weak.  And moreover, it allowed Loki to do what Thanos commanded without really experiencing the horror, the havoc, of his actions for himself. 

  Who could hear the screams of women when the voice of Ebony Maw subliminally chanted all the ways that one could be dismembered at Thanos’ hands should Loki fail?  What man would shed a tear after the near constant beatings doled out by Black Order members, just for the fun of it?  How could someone care about a house, a car, a city, when they no longer cared about themself? Losing the Battle for New York had consequences far beyond the destruction of property.  With Thanos’ hold over him vanquished, the walls around his heart, constructed in youth, crashed and burned like the dream of ruling Earth.  Suddenly and completely out of reserves, Loki was powerless.  And he felt everything.  The fresh hurts caused by his manipulated ambitions in the hands of Thanos. The furious feelings of his brother, the inadequacies of his character, the feeble needs that drove his wild ambition washed over him unceasingly.  Anger.  Loss.  Lunacy.  Loki learned a hard truth in that moment.  He was a monster.  A freak.  A creature beyond hope and salvation; proving his adoptive father right and his own hopeful heart wrong.  Bitterness soured the fallen prince. Endless hours in isolation on Earth, which continued in his father's house, had Loki believing he had no chance of seeing the world outside again, and it hardened his heart further.  To feel was so painful, so raw, and so humane.  Why bother anyway?  All that emoting, those high spirits, all they really did was expose you to derision.  What was grief to a goblin?  What was horror to a monster?  What was love to a villain like him?  An evil, conspiring demi-god, with a mind bent toward domination.  A damaged, destroyed, deity alone and in pieces.  Who would ever give someone like Loki Odinson a chance?  Why should they?

Turning to his mother, Loki did everything but ask for forgiveness.  In long rambling talks, her projection to his jailed person, the pair talked around ideas of guilt and innocence, of fate and fortune, of destiny versus desire, yet Loki never heard the words he needed in order to truly find peace.   

If Frigga was aware of her son’s need for absolution, Loki would never know, as their last exchange was harsh and full of anger.  Another stroke of loss, crippling now, because there was nothing Loki could do to change any of it from inside his prison cell.  No illusion could conceal the painful ache that consumed him entirely. 

Those days were dark, even for a soul as dusky hued as his own, and Loki’s thoughts followed a similar path.  If there had been a way for him to shake off this immortal coil, free himself of the burden of living, Loki would have done so and been glad.  Death was welcome compared to all this longing and heartache. But life, even a nearly immortal one, was funny. 

When Thor provided a chance at redemption, Loki snatched at it, in his own detached way.  He played hero, rescuing Jane, aiding his brother.  And if he took a bit more in the form of deposing his arrogant, aging father, who would be surprised?  He was Loki, God of Mischief, after all. Ruling the Nine Realms without the oppressive oversight of his father allowed Loki to prove himself in ways he never imagined.  And Loki wasn’t just good at it.  He was great. Of course, it helped that no one knew he was Loki.  Living disguised as Odin was often unpleasant, frequently frustrating, but entirely necessary.  Being Loki was still too difficult and likely to bring unwanted attention in the form of The God of Thunder, a thing that no one truly wanted, Loki least of all. Return Thor did, along with an unknown sister and the end of Asgard.  When confronted with the insanity of Hela’s bloodlust, Loki’s only thought was of his kingdom, now without a ruler.  He had worked too hard, too long, to see the land he cared for in the hands of an enemy, even if she called herself sister.  Opening the Bi-Frost, panicked, his mind was solely on saving those he had recently held dominion over.  They were his people, after all.  But he never reached Asgard. Swallowing his fear, Loki focused all his energy on staying alive in a new and distracting environment, initially.  What Loki found on Sakaar wasn't a new home base under a flamboyant, ineffective leader that he could control, even if that was his first design.  On Sakaar Loki found his loyalty.  

The proud, deep resonance of being Asgardian, of being an Odinson, of being capable and cool under pressure.  Sure, he had to prove himself to Thor, Valkyrie, Banner and honestly, the rest of the kingdom, but actions speak louder than words.  And through his actions on Sakkar, and by extension rescuing the people of Asgard, Loki had shown everybody his true mettle. It was on the deck of a stolen ship headed for Midgard that  Loki had made a commitment of sorts.  One that was not to the people, so recently saved or for his found family.  This time, the promise Loki intended to keep was for himself.  Loki was going to change. The problem is, a task like that takes time.  Patience.  Motivation.  It was something that Loki had to work at and it was exhausting. They say that the best things come to those who wait.  Loki was learning to wait everyday.  Having earned a place at the side of his brother, he worked tirelessly to win over the heroes of his new home planet.  Was it easy?  Hardly, but Loki wasn’t willing to compromise.  Not anymore. A life like Hela’s was not in his runes.  Loki was simply going to be better.  Not perfect.  No one could be as good hearted as Captain America, nor could one be as tech savvy as Stark.  So Loki was planning on being the best Loki he could possibly be, and that’s how he found himself going to meetings at The Avengers Tower, a mostly welcome addition to the team. Meetings weren’t all that exciting and boredom was an awful temptation for a deity devoted to mayhem.  In fact, Loki spent more time doodling in his notebook than listening to whoever was droning on about whatever part of the world needed the attention of this motley crew.  That was, until Pepper Potts hired her new assistant.  That you were polite, pretty and pert wasn’t lost on the young god.  Sitting outside Mrs. Iron Man’s office, typing away with a phone tucked under your ear, moving faster than anyone he had ever seen was certainly impressive.  You were quick witted, clever and most of all, funny. Everyone else seemed to fall under your spell without much effort on your part, something that Loki found frustratingly fascinating.  Here he was, struggling to get people to say his name without having a traumatic flashback, while you simply smiled and smarted off prettily, and had everyone singing your praises.  But Norns, were you adorable. If he thought about it, and while off planet, Loki definitely had, he could remember the moment he realized that you were the woman he wanted.  You were busy, as always, fielding phone calls and flipping through screens yet every moment your flying fingers weren’t hovering over a keyboard or pushing down telephone buttons they curled around a heart shaped charm at your throat.  Clearly, it was a habit and one that you weren’t even aware of, still - it transfixed him all the same.  Watching you from his side eye, your voice never wavering, your tone always so pleasing, and your nimble digits returning again and again to the small sigil around your neck.  “Loki?” “Huh?”  Dumbfounded at your call, those deep sea eyes blinked wildly at the sound of his name on your lips. “Hi!  Yes, Pepper can see you now.  Go ahead, she’s ready!” He rose on stiff legs, adjusting his tie, about to lie to Tony Stark’s woman all for the chance to see you in passing.  Who had he become? It started out innocent like that, but soon, Loki was having to invent excuses for being in the office so frequently.  Missing files, random visits, even going so far as to buy Tony coffee just for the thrill of seeing you.  Something needed to change, and quickly, or Loki was going to blow. On another made up errand, hanging around the executive’s high rise office, Loki was doing a bad job of pretending not to see you.  His mind was on your pouty lips as you sipped lemonade through a straw and not on the stately woman seated behind the desk. 

“Loki, you’re a man of some… style.”  Pepper said it so casually that he almost didn’t hear, his head lost in thoughts that would shame any other person. “I like to think so.”

Shutting her folder with a snap, Pepper smiled, “And you’d love to help your old friend Pepper out, right?” That got his attention, and quickly.  Loki, shoving his hands in his pockets, turned to face Pepper with a widening grin, “I feel like I’m being baited.”

“Baited?  Never!  It’s just, you’re always here and I have a… project that needs the kind of help that you can provide.”  At those words you entered the office, ready for action with a notebook and pen, eager and excited. Suddenly, it was all clear to Loki, “Pepper, no.”  

The noose closed in on the handsome god as Pepper gathered paperwork without looking his way, “Come on, it’s the Stark Homecoming Gala and the two of you will do great!  I have faith in you both.  I can’t wait to see what you come up with!” “Really, Miss Potts, I simply can’t-” Stopping short, the strawberry blonde whipped around, almost nose to nose with Loki.  Shrewd and straightforward, Pepper interrupted, saying, “You’ve been dancing around my office for weeks now.  Clearly you like her and… against all the odds, she likes you too.  I’m doing you a favor and when someone does you a favor, you say “Thank You”.” “Thank you.” Nodding curtly, “You’re welcome.  Now, make yourselves comfortable, order some dinner, my treat.  And do whatever you need to make sure this is one great party!” That’s how Loki found himself sitting at a clear glass table over sweating bottles of iced tea as you discussed color themes and tablecloths.  You were shy, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you reviewed notes from previous gatherings both large and small.  His hands itched with wanting to do that job himself. “So, what do you think?”  It was the first time you had addressed him directly since coming through the door and for a moment Loki couldn’t answer.  You were too… not beautiful, that wasn’t the right word, although you were.  No, you were too open, too easy to read, and the earnestness you offered him was downright frightening. Sitting forward in the uncomfortable, yet fashionable, office furniture, Loki cleared his throat and again tugged his tie, “What I think is that you should let me take you dinner.” Dropping your eyes, your cheeks colored slightly as your fingers found that locket charm once more, “Loki, I… I don’t know-” Grabbing for your hand, suddenly afraid that you would take those shining eyes away, Loki lowered his voice and did something he never thought he would.  He begged.  “Please?  I find that you’re all I can think about.” It rushed out of him in a torrent, the way truth so often does, and he found himself unable to look you in the eye.  Loki was afraid to see rejection on your easy to read face, afraid that wanting you had cracked open the lock box holding his heart, afraid that you would see just how weak you made him.  Your fingers twined with his own as you replied, “You didn’t let me finish.  I don’t know what took you so long.” Sighing with relief, his face melting into a genuine smile, “Me either.” Over the next two months the pair of you worked tirelessly to plan and execute a perfect party.  You were inseparable during the day, heads buried together as you discussed linens and table settings, the quality of cocktail glasses, and debating over a band or a dj.  But at night, at night Loki talked about the things that haunted him in the dark.  And you loved him in spite of the awful things he had seen and done and said. Others took notice.  Loki was more lighthearted, more available.  He listened when people spoke and wasn’t constantly doodling during meetings.   Yes, Loki was learning how to love through your loving him.  If empathy had seemed too humane before, then sharing his life, his love with you, was the kind of immortality that earned someone a place in Valhalla.  It was the bravest thing Loki Odinson had ever done and he didn’t mind one bit.

The first time Loki tasted you was burned into his brain, as bright as a flash of lightning.  A firefly in a memory jar that he kept returning to, time and again.  Loki remembered what you were wearing.  He recalled exactly how the light shone in your eyes.  If he concentrated, he could tap out the rhythm of your racing pulse as he held you in his arms. It was the night of the gala.  Inviting everyone under the Stark Industries banner, up to and including the heroes tasked with saving the world, the event was a way to earn money for one of the many charities Tony supported.  The place was full of beautiful people wearing gorgeous clothes under perfect lights set to the hand crafted soundtrack you had created together.

But, Norns, he could still remember the way your eyes sparkled under the lowlights of that hall.  How your dress, simple but sophisticated, clung to the fullness of your bottom.  Low cut but somehow still modest, Loki couldn’t tear his gaze away from the promise of your curves, willing himself to find anything else as interesting as the idea of you.  

You were across the room hanging onto Tony’s every word, eyes bright and cheerfully glowing as you sipped champagne.  It made Loki want to do something grand, something suave, something that would demand your attention for his own.  Moving towards you, his tuxedo perfectly pressed and fitting better than it had any right to, Loki looked long and lean.  Each of his steps seemed to echo, even though the room was full of sound, and you turned your head as if you also heard.  Breaking away from the cluster of acolytes surrounding Iron Man, you bit into your lip as the crowd parted, moving closer together one step at a time.  It was one of the sexiest things Loki had ever witnessed. Lifting your glass in a toast, taking in the room of mingling millionaires, wealthy hangers on and Avengers, “Well, we did it!” “You did it, my dove, I just hung around and judged everyone.” “Oh stop.  I couldn’t have done it without you and you know it.”  Playfully you pushed against his shoulder and Loki took advantage, using your momentum to pull you to his side, your curvy figure flush against his own. Crooning into the shell of your ear, his lips brushing over that sensitive skin, “Somehow, love, I think you would have managed.”  Before you had time to think, Loki had melded his mouth with your own, stealing your breath along with your heart.  Loki’s feet moved in time with the music as he pulled into a dance, laughing in his arms, your cheeks hot and your head swimming. You laughing was, without question, Loki’s favorite sound.  Nothing in this world or any other came close to matching the joyful, childlike glee of that enchanting noise.  Loki memorized its melody, the rise and fall of your giggle.  He had craved it, being away for so long, and now he wanted… no, needed to hear it.  But you were the furthest thing from happy at the moment.   

"Darling, please.  We have to go."  Loki tapped his watch, shaking himself free from the memories of your previous life together and barely suppressing his irritation.

Tears filled your eyes as you whipped your arms around Thor’s mighty shoulders, his deep voice grumbly with emotion, "Take care of him, would you?  He's a jerk, but Loki is the only brother I have."

"Of course… always.  And Valkyrie, your highness, I can’t thank you enough for-"

"No need.  Loki, and by extension yourself, will always have a safe haven here in my palace."

Looking on, Loki and Thor embraced almost tenderly before crashing their heads together.  

"Stay safe, little brother."

"Be good, Thor."

Eyes on the sky, Val ignored the show of masculine emotion, chastising your plan, "You’re going to start a war, Loki."

Straight backed, Loki turned to the king, "Not on the grass of New Asgard.  I will take the fight to them, that is my vow to you."

As Loki offered his hand, Valkyrie shook it, with parting words, "Work on staying alive.  You have a tendency to worry your brother."

Solemnly nodding, "As the king commands.  Shall we?"  With that Loki laced his fingers with yours, leading you a few paces away from the people who loved him most, before summoning the magic that had you both transcending space and time.

This time when your feet touched down it was on the familiar turf of the orchard, surrounded by the scent of apple blossoms and the buzzing of happy bees.  Morning had broken and the world seemed full of promise, with the exception of that knot in your stomach.

"Are you ready?  Darling?"

"Oh… yes.  I mean, I still don't love this plan, but-"

"But it's going to work."  Only it was no longer the baritone voice of your long, lean Loki speaking.  In his place stood Nick Fury, leather duster and eye patch in place.

"If you say so!"  And you clutched your own throat as Natasha’s bored tones came out of your mouth.  The suit, skin tight but flexible, molded to your modified form.  All in all, you were comfortable, "The boots are a bit much."

"Ya think?  This jacket weighs a ton."  Pulling at his collar, "Why does he wear a turtleneck anyway?"

"Loki, this is so weird.  It feels so weird."

"Agreed, but then, why am I so turned on?"

Laughing, you shook your false red hair, hands resting on Natasha’s waist, "God, I've missed you."

"Same, dearest.  Now… let's get your necklace and some answers!"

---

 Convincing Bucky to head home had taken a lot of work, but sometime around 2 am Steve had finally seen his friend off.  The house was empty.  Steve felt the same way.

Turning the black velvet box in his pocket, fingers crushed against the fragile fabric, Steve struggled to feel anger.  When that didn't materialize he shot for sadness but even tears seemed beyond his ability.  

With a sigh, climbing the same stairs he had trudged up a hundred times before, Steve started going through the motions of bedtime.  Only tonight you weren’t there to tease him about the wildly inappropriate amount of toothpaste on his brush.  He didn’t have your light footsteps to follow to the bedside or your help with stacking all of your extra, yet entirely essential, pillows on the chair.

Someone must have changed the sheets, he thought.  There was no evidence of you and Loki’s adventurous afternoon anymore.  Steve made a mental note to thank Buck for that little piece of kindness in the morning.

Shucking his shirt, Steve sat on the mattress, a hand to his forehead.  He had lost.  Captain America had been bested.  Beaten.  And by Loki, no less.

Moonlight in silver slivers shone through the window panes, squares of light in the deep of night.  Steve was alone.  Utterly and totally alone.

And there was no one to blame but himself.

Sighing hard, Steve stood, pacing the floor to work off some of the unspendable anxiety he kept creating.  The room still had your energy, your vibe, as you liked to call it, and the feeling was a prickling itch Steve couldn’t quite satisfy.  Traces of you were everywhere and something about you leaving all of it, and him, behind was just too big to process. “Damn it.”  Even whispering sounded like thunder in the silence of your recently vacated room.  His hands, so big, so strong, smoothed along the fabric of your hanging clothes.  All that power had done nothing to help Steve get the thing he wanted. Sorting through the baubles and trinkets on your dresser, bottles of perfume he had purchased, necklaces and pins, each with a moment of memory it hurt him to recall.  Your watch ticked away the minutes as he stood, stoic and still, surrounded by the shadow of you.  In the orchard the birds were waking, their song filling the air, as morning broke in low golden rays.  Abandoning his plan for sleep, Steve watched as the light chased away the dark, casting rainbows on the floor.  The sun was reflecting off of your Grandmother’s necklace.  A pretty, ancient, carved cameo,  heart shaped locket.  He recalled his own mother owning one just like it, pictures of loved ones pressed inside, holding them as tight as history would allow. Fisting the filigree chain, winding it around his fingers as if it would somehow undo what he had done, Steve slipped it into his pocket before settling back onto the bed.  ----

At the back door to the home you so recently shared with Steve, Loki hung back, “I think this is where we split up.  You go find your treasure and me… I’m going to find some answers.” Nodding, Natasha’s signature red hair swinging, you squeezed the hand holding your own.  It no longer looked like Loki’s long fingered paw, but that was only a skin deep change.  You felt the undeniable essence of him in the press of his fingers against your own. “Be careful.” “That’s no fun, dove.” “Loki-”  You hated the way your voice broke as you said it, but there just seemed to be so much at stake and you had already lost him once. Sensing your unspoken concerns, Loki flashed you Nick Fury’s best smile, “I will.  I promise.”

“Ten minutes.” “Ten minutes.”  You watched the black coated back of your charmed paramour as he opened the shed door, hoping that he’d find something worth knowing in that place out of sight.  Inhaling deeply you twisted the doorknob as quietly as possible, letting yourself into what was once your kitchen, “What a mess.”  It was impossible not to notice the unwrapped leftovers and empty bottles littering the table.  An overturned trash barrel, crumpled beer cans littering the counter, things that Steve, your Steve, would never have tolerated.  All evidence that the grand evening he’d envisioned had been thwarted by Loki’s arrival and your collective escape.  

You started up the stairs, praising Natasha's footwear for its stealth, when you heard the toilet flush and the unmistakable shuffle of Steve’s feet on the carpet.  There was no place to hide on the wide stairwell.  It was time to see if Loki's plan was going to work.

Voice blurry, eyes rubbed red and raw, you couldn't deny that Steve looked like shit, “Bucky?  That you?  You back?”  Steve’s voice bounced around the brightening room as morning sunlight filtered through the soft sheers you had picked out for exactly this reason. Panicked, you backed into the railing with an over loud “Oof!” “Nat?  What are you doing here?  I thought you and Fury were headed to New Asgard?”  Suddenly wide awake and wondering, Steve rushed to your costumed side, eager for information. The man in front of you now bore little resemblance to the angry Avenger you had escaped from hours before.  This man had hair sticking up in odd angles from near constant finger raking.  This man had a hint of a stuffy nose and red rimmed eyes, all indicators that tears had been shed.  Now those blue eyes were scrutinizing you closely, full of concern.

“Uh… We... We got intel.  Yea, intelligence, that Loki was headed back this way.  Turned around… and uh, here we are.” One of those sandy blonde eyebrows lifted, “Natasha?”

Squaring your shoulders, channeling that cool confidence you’d see Black Widow display over and over, “Steve?”  Something about your tone of voice convinced him in a way your words couldn’t.  He visibly relaxed, those broad shoulders going slack as he asked, “Didn’t make it to Norway, then?"

Nodding a negative, you felt the unfamiliar brush of her red hair at your cheek and had to fight the urge to tuck it away, “No.  Loki’s using some sort of transporting power to move them around.  Fury suggested I keep an eye out here, in case they come back this way.” “She won’t be back, Nat.  There’s nothing for her here.”  To you, Steve sounded so sad, so removed, that you had to will yourself not to comfort the giant before you.  “That’s not true!”  It came out of you forcefully, thoughtlessly, and you saw the shock register on the Captain’s face. “That is, Fury and I… we… have reason to believe that she will come back.  They left with nothing, Steve.  She’ll need clothes… maybe some shoes… and-”  Swallowing hard, you didn’t want to give anything away, “-a necklace from her grandmother.” Steve, patting his pocket, felt the weighted chain and it’s heart shaped locket, “I don’t think-” Stepping up to his bulky form, suddenly aggressive, you started, “Never mind what you think, Captain.  We're here for a necklace...  the necklace.  Our intel suggests that your former flame might return for it and… And, I want it, with me, as a means to subdue her when she arrives." Sounding forceful and official was enough to back Steve down.  Just a touch deflated, you watched him shrug, “If that’s what you want, Nat, here-”  From his pants he pulled out the shining bauble, a trinket really, but full of sentiment and memory. Sitting in his palm, the tiny heart that held the picture of your grandmother and mother looked so small, almost unreal.  Reaching for it with wet eyes, you smiled at Steve as you lifted the charm and chain, “Thank you, Steve.  Thank you.” Nodding deeply, that golden head bobbing, “You’re welcome.”  The large grandfather clock could be heard ticking throughout the house.  The sun was gaining on the day and you, dressed as Natasha stood in silence in front of a somber Steve.  For another long beat nothing was said, then, as if sensing a shift in your conversation, Steve flashed your fake Natasha a weak smile, “I could use some breakfast.  How about you?”

“Um… sure.  Yea, ok.  Breakfast.” 

Steve started moving again, downstairs towards the cluttered kitchen when he paused, "So how did you get back so fast?  Cause that's like a 7 hour flight, even with you in the cockpit." “Steve…”  You could hear it, the whining almost pleading tone that signaled the end of Loki’s well planned charade.  That wasn’t enough to stop Steve.  He broke hard, one of those strong arms stopping you in your tracks before you could reach the lower level. “It’s clever, I have to give you guys that.  Almost perfect, really.” Panic rising, you doubled down on the ruse, struggling to keep your voice even, “I don’t know-”  Blocking you in, his body the perfect unmovable buffer, “Loki’s here too, isn’t he?” Pushing against “Steve, I… I don’t…” “Don’t lie.  You don’t have to…” “But… how-?” “You’re not mean enough to play Natasha, doll.  Not by a long shot.”

--- It was strange to be seated at the table and chairs that you and Steve had picked out together one sunny Saturday when you thought that your future was going to be Loki-less.  Your place, the one that you had imagined filling with children that had golden hair and bright blue eyes, felt like a set.  Something false and fake.  A facade, put together simply for show. Steve must have felt it too because his fingers drummed against the white washed table incessantly.  Clearly he had something on his mind.  “Steve-” “No.  No.  Please, let me just get this out, ok?” Raising an eyebrow, you waved at him to continue, nervous but interested in what the super soldier needed to explain. With a shaky inhale, running his constantly moving fingers through his golden locks, Steve caught your eye and didn’t waiver.  “When I saw you… No, that’s not right.  Let me start at the beginning. “When Loki left Earth, you… you were so sad.  It hurt me to see you so… deflated.” “Steve, I-” “You know it’s true.  When he returned to Asgard, something in you, it dimmed, and I just couldn’t allow that… Not when I felt the way I did about you. “I don’t think you realize just how incredible you are… how full of life!  And since I had already missed one chance to be with you, I knew I needed to prove that I could be the man you needed… If you forgot about Loki along the way, even better. “Only… you never did.  I waited years for you, ya know, doll?  Years.  And just when I thought there was no chance with you, Nat gave me a reason to hope. “She was your friend.  An ally.  Someone you could trust… someone I could trust.  I swear it started out that innocently, at least for me.  I just wanted to make you smile again.  But she had other plans.  Plans that came from higher up the ladder of SHIELD. “Fury, he wanted us to watch you… something about Loki being too powerful.  And-”, grabbing your hand tightly, Steve emphasized his point, “-I promise you that I had no idea about his success, or the messages he had sent to you through Nick.  Like you, I thought that Loki was gone.  Missing.  Never coming back.” “I… I believe you Steve.  I know that you didn’t do all this on your own… but what was Nick hoping you’d find out?  I knew less than nothing about what was going on!” “I think he was worried that Loki would get to you first.  That if… when Loki returned, you would be his first stop.  Then you would know about Loki’s success and, frankly, Fury’s failures.  You would also know… well, everything you know now.  That Fury had you tailed, lied to, and led on in an effort to stop Loki from out flanking him.” Frenzied and frantic, you felt anger boiling up inside of you, “But I thought Loki was gone forever.  There was no hope for him and I… and Natasha, she told me that he was dead.” “All a part of Fury’s plan to keep you neutralized and Loki away.  If Loki thought that you’d ignored his letters, that you no longer loved him, why would he come back here?  And, if that didn’t work… when Loki came back and you were with me, what else could keep him on Earth?”

Whispering with realization, “So, they used you too.” Steve sighed and buried his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt, “Don’t feel bad for me.  I let them use my love for you, let them twist it up and shape it as they needed.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you that it was for you, but it wasn’t.  It was for me.  I wanted you, so, so badly.  I didn’t care what strings were attached.  And we built a life together, you and me.  I thought I could outrun the reality of the constant monitoring and daily reports.  Telling Natasha and Nick about every word and each email.  Don’t you see, I love you… and I wanted you, however I could get you.” Shaking your head, Natasha’s red wisps flying, “That’s not love, Steve.  I don’t know what that is… but love isn’t it.” “No?”  With a loud thunk, Steve slammed a small velvet box on the table between you. “Is… Is that what I think it is?”

“Last night.  It was going to happen last night.  Our friends here, under the lights and the stars, I was going to ask you to marry me.  I still would if-” Realization hit you like a ton of bricks, “If Loki hadn’t stepped back into our lives.” “-If Loki hadn’t stepped back into your life.” It made you both laugh in a sad way, how you finished the same thought, and for a fleeting second you could see why you had allowed Captain America to sweep you off your feet.  He was a lot of things to you now, but there was a time when he had been almost everything.  The evidence of that was in the small black square that said nothing but spoke volumes. “Steve, I don’t know if I would have said yes… even without Loki’s… arrival.  I think I have always known that you and I… we are very different people.” Sitting back in his chair, his gaze still locked on your own, “I just want you to know that I’m sorry.  I’m sorry about what I’ve done… what I’ve said… How, shit, how I’ve behaved.  I could say that it was my duty.  I could tell you it was out of love, but the plain truth is that I have always been jealous of what you and Loki share.” “You’ll find it Steve.  You really will.  There’s a person out there waiting for you.  And once you’ve found them, oh Steve, you’ll see that this… what we had, it’s a shadow.  An illusion.  Because love, real love, doesn’t come with caveats and catches.  It is an undeniable force which, in my case, even the boundaries of time and space can not deny.” Something like a sob burst out of Steve, and you were surprised to see tears in his eyes, “I was so wrong.  Could you ever forgive me?” “I want to, Steve.  I really do... “  What more could you say?  Patting his hand you started to rise, “I have to go now.  Loki and I need to keep moving and I don’t want to risk running into Nick and Natasha.  At least, not yet, anyway.” “Where are you planning to go?” “To the Avenger’s Tower.  I believe I know what Mr. Fury has been planning all along.”  Loki’s strong voice entered the conversation as smoothly as his arms wrapped possessively around your waist. Steve took in the protective stance of your returned lover with a raised eyebrow, and without further comment asked Loki, “Really?  And how are you going to breach the building?  They’ll be looking for you, even with disguises…  Fury is no fool.  Plus, there’s little chance that Tony hasn’t activated a million safety and security protocols by now.” Only interested in you, Loki refused to give Steve any of his attention, “Getting in can’t be that hard!  I’ll figure it out when I get there.  Ready pet?” With a gentle push under his broad hands your feet started to move towards the door.  Loki was eager to be off and away, especially after hearing so much of Roger’s confession.  Just knowing what Steve had done, manipulating you while also convinced of his love for you;  it was enough for Loki to commit murder.  He was having quite a difficult time not tearing the good Captain’s limbs off his body. Softening his tone, Steve practically pleaded, “Loki.  Wait.  I… I can help.” Turning his attention fully to your former flame, Loki purred venomously, “You can help?  I’d love to know what entails, Captain.” “I can get you into the place and take you exactly where you need to go.  Fury’s going to hate it, but I’m tired of taking orders that hurt the people that-”  His pause was as lingering as the look he gave you, “- That I love.”  Before Loki could offer a sincerely sassy reply you grabbed his sleeve, tugging, “Um… Excuse us a minute Steve.” Pulling him down the hall of a home that felt like a familiar faced stranger, you waited until you had a bit of distance from Steve before harshly whispering, “How long were you listening?”

Serving you that small, sexy smile, Loki grinned, “Long enough.  How did you know I was there?” “You are sneaky, but even you, God of Mischief, cast a shadow.” Swinging you close enough to catch your mouth with his own, Loki pressed a sweet kiss there before answering, “A mistake I will be careful not to make again!” “The tower, huh?  That’s where you want to go?”  Grabbing you at the swell of your hips, grinding his frame against your own, “Where I want to go, my darling, is to the nearest bed, preferably naked, with you and you alone.” Your hands traced over the lapels of his borrowed leather duster, pausing only to jerk him closer by the supple fabric, “Hmm… is that so?” “Oh yes…”  Loki’s buttery grumble filled your ear as his strong hands dug into the flesh of your bottom.  For a moment you thought he’d give in to temptation, his sweet lips teasingly close to your own upturned mouth, “But-” On your toes, leaning into Loki’s sturdy, leather draped frame, you paused, “Ugh.  But?” Moving you to a safer, less kissable, arms length away, Loki sighed with the same frustration you felt, “-But, where we need to go, as soon as possible, is the Tower.” Moaning grumpily, you stepped out of the arms you longed to linger in, “I was afraid you were going to say that.” “I know it’s less than… ideal, love, but I did find something useful before the good Captain unburdened his soul this morning.” “And that is?” “Fury’s plan.  At first I couldn’t figure out exactly what he was after.  What did Fury want?  How was I involved?” Loki was dragging this out, loving how it kept you hanging onto his every word, and you rolled your eyes, “Well?  What is it?  Weapons?  War?” “All of that, yes… and… yours truly.”  That triumphant smile that filled Loki’s whole face lit up his mischievous eyes.  Tilting your head, struggling to make sense of what Loki had just told you, “What do you mean, you.  Fury wanted you… to do what, exactly?’ “Loki was going to be the patsy.” You both turned toward the sound of Steve’s baritone at the door, suddenly remembering that the Good Captain was still there and that he was waiting to see what you were going to do next.  Leaning his 100 year old bones into the doorframe, Steve crossed his arms, “The fall guy.  An example of what happens if you cross SHIELD.” “I think, my dear Mr. Rogers, that you mean, I am to be used as an example of what happens if one crosses Nick Fury.”  Loki countered, slinging an arm over your shoulder protectively. The idea was frightening.  A man like Fury had too much power, too much at his disposal.  Just knowing the lengths he had gone to in order to keep you and Loki apart was scary enough.  Making enemies of your friends.  Threatening the people you loved.  Selling your affection to Steve in an effort to control Loki.

Now, the knowledge that all of it was done in an effort to ensure that Nick Fury was the toughest guy in the galaxy, it made your stomach clench.  “What do you mean, an example?” “Unless my intelligence is flawed, I believe that Fury was going to kill me.  Is that correct, Captain?” Steve felt the weight of two sets of eyes on him.  Yours, full of fearful love and blind hope that this was all just some misunderstanding.  Innocent and naive and as lovely as he could ever remember.  Loki’s were reflecting a deeper understanding.  The kind of knowledge that only time in the trenches teaches. There was no answer from Captain Rogers.  None was needed.  Honesty, final and resolute, was out in the open.  “Look.  I know I’m not the guy you want on your side.  I’ve… I haven’t been the man I needed to be.  Not for you-”  Steve locked his bright blues onto you, offering a small smile that spoke of sadness before facing Loki, “-Or you, Loki.  But if you let me help you now, I promise that I can get you into the tower and maybe, one day, you won’t think so little of me.” 

Around you the morning gained strength.  Somewhere nearby birds chirped wildly, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding in the modest little farmhouse and its implications on intergalactic politics.  Without  moving a muscle, Loki plainly asked you, “Do you trust him, dearest?” Squaring your shoulders, you crossed your arms, staring down the man called Captain America.  Nodding decisively, “I do.  I don’t think he’d spill everything like that only to turn on us.  He’s not so bad Loki, really.” “We’ll see about that.  For now, we trust Steve.  Ok, what’s your plan, Rogers?” --- “Hey.  I… I have one other thing to show you.”  Steve was dressed for action in his branded tactical gear, looking every inch the super soldier that Dr. Erskine envisioned. “Steve, we have to get moving.  Loki’s eager and -” “Just open it, ok?”  The envelope was thick with folded paper, the flap tucked under and not sealed.  Clearly it had spent time in and out of pockets, the edges frayed and tattered.  In exasperated curiosity you gingerly pulled the sheets free.

Shaking, your hands trembled holding the once white documents as your voice thickened, “Is this… is this what I think it is?” Cocking his head playfully, that rueful smile pulling at his full mouth, Steve almost seemed cheerful as he teased, “It’s yours.  I think something about this place has always been yours and I want you to have it.” “But-” Folding your small hands in his mighty ones, Steve squeezed gently, “It was a wedding present, or it was supposed to be.” “But we’re not getting married.” “I know.  Still-” “I can’t, Steve.  It’s yours.  Your house, your farm, your dream.” Shaking his head, disagreeing, but feeling lighter than he had in decades, Steve insisted, “Too late, I’m afraid.  It’s done.  Actually, that version of the deed has been signed since our second week here.” As realization sunk in you appraised the man changing right before your eyes, astonished but exhilarated, “Where will you go?” “I dunno.  Think I might need to be alone for a bit.  Maybe see the world… but first-” “First, we have to stop Nick Fury.”

To Be Continued... My Minxes:   @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @iamverity​ @mizfit2​ @sammy-jo1977​ @wolfsmom1​ @jessiejunebug​ @iluvsumbucky​ @unadulteratedwizardlove​ @procrastinatinglikeabitch​ @shxdowofdarkness​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @ahintofkiwistrawberry​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @rorybutnotgilmore​ @crystalizedcaramel​ @lokislittlecorner​ @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81​ @caffiend-queen​ @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​ @jenjen8675309​ @that-one-person​ @roguewraith​ @toomanystoriessolittletime​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @just-random-obsessions​ @brokenthelovely​ @lots-of-loki​ @thefallenbibliophilequote​

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Saorsa, Chapter 29

A/N  Here is the next installment of Saorsa.  Jamie’s missing Claire.

Rather than link to all previously posted chapters, I’ll just direct those of you wanting to catch up on your Saorsa-reading to my AO3 page, where the fic is posted in its entirety.

Thank you to each of you liking and reblogging!  It does my little fanfic writer’s heart good.

The wind blew through the leaves of an enormous willow tree, making them pivot and dance like thousands of silver-green fish.   Jamie was resting with his back against the trunk, chewing contemplatively on a length of meadow grass and listening for trouble while Rupert slept.  So far, the only sounds were the hum of insects, the babble of a nearby burn, and the grumbling of his stomach.  Seven months under Cook’s generous care had accustomed him to regular and hearty meals, and he’d forgotten what it meant to always be hungry.  

Most days on the road he ventured out under the cover of dusk with his bow and managed to bag a rabbit or grouse, but as they moved southwards into more settled farmland he became increasingly cautious, not wanting to be arrested as a poacher.   The previous evening they’d had to be content with stale bread and hard cheese washed down with warm ale.

A branch broke nearby.  He snatched his pistol from his lap and aimed over his shoulder, nerves singing.   Rupert stepped out from behind the tree, rubbing sleep from his eyes with a grubby hand.

“Christ, Rupert!  I near blew yer heid off, ye daft oaf.  Could ye no’ announce yerself?” Jamie exhaled, pointing the pistol skyward.

“Yer verra crabbit, man.  Dae ye miss the mistress sae much ye canna stand the sight of anyone who’s no’ her?” Rupert teased, grabbing the flagon of ale and lowering himself into the dappled shade nearby.

“Bit of a curse and give me peace,” Jamie grumbled, moving away on aching limbs.

“May ye dream of bonnie lassies with round bellies and brown curls, and awake in fairer spirits,” Rupert called out as Jamie made his way to the wagon, where the bales of wool created a fair, if somewhat prickly, mattress.

He groaned as he arranged his long limbs over the wool and pulled his plaid over his shoulders.  Thus far they’d been blessed with mild, relatively dry weather, speeding their progress southwards.  In a few days’ time they would reach the outskirts of Edinburgh, where Rupert would leave Jamie to manage the rest of the journey alone.  He draped his sleeve over his face, trying to block out the persistent sunlight and find a few hours’ rest.

Rupert was right, he was missing Claire.  But more than longing for her physical presence, he missed the steady significance of his position by her side.  When he was with Claire, he knew his place in the world as certainly as a star in the firmament.  The greater the distance between them, the more he felt adrift.  He thought of their parting, lips curling wistfully.

“Come back to me, James Fraser,” she’d whispered, holding his skull between firm fingertips.

“Aye, as soon as I can,” he’d replied, and with one last lingering kiss and a soft caress for her swollen midsection, he’d mounted Donas and ridden away without a backwards glance.

Still smiling, he eased into sleep.

***

Rupert was a lad of pointed words and rounded body, but Jamie was sorry to see him go.  If nothing else, he was familiar with the ways of modern Scotland and a source of bottomless bawdy humour.  It was raining hard as they shook hands at a bridge over the Forth.  Neither were inclined to linger.

“God speed to ye, Master Jamie.  An’ ‘is blessings on the wee bairn.  Lallybroch will finally ‘ave a Scot fer a laird again, aye?”

“My thanks to ye, Rupert.  Come ‘ome safe, wher’er the road takes ye.”

Rupert gave him a shrewd look, each of them understanding what wasn’t being said.  The young man shifted his haversack higher on his shoulder, turned, and walked away towards the east.

Securing Donas’ reins to the wagon’s railing, Jamie climbed onto the seat and whistled to the plow horses.  If he made haste along the verge of secondary roads, he could travel by daylight and be in Galashiels two days hence.

A motorcar approached, much too close to the edge of the tarmac.  The angry mechanical bleat of its horn as it flew past startled Donas, who reared and nearly snapped his bridle.   Jamie swore prodigiously in Gaelic before jumping down to calm the spooked horse.  

It was going to be a long two days.

***

The closer he got to the border with England, the poorer Jamie’s luck became.   First it was the weather, which deteriorated into the windblown icy rain for which Scotland was famous.  He was used to being out-of-doors in all manner of clime, but it became difficult to light a fire to get warm or cook a meal.   Next, the dark bay gelding threw a shoe and they had to leave the route to find a blacksmith in a nearby village.

By the time he arrived in Galashiels, bedraggled and frozen, it was already April twentieth, three days later than he’d hoped.  The wagon rolled to a halt in a cobblestone courtyard surrounded by tidy brick buildings.  Jamie eased himself to the ground and mounted the steps to a black door over which was written “Stewart Brothers: Wool Brokers”.   Inside was a small office where a number of clerks worked behind wooden desks.  He approached the nearest of these and removed his leather cap.

“Good day tae ye, sir.  My name is James Fraser of Lallybroch, and I’m ‘ere tae sell wool tae the British Army.”

The thin man lifted his bald head and gave Jamie a thorough head-to-toe glance before snorting dismissively and gesturing vaguely towards a door to his left.  Without a word, he went back to his writing.

Knocking on the oaken door, Jamie heard a gruff English voice within say “Enter.”

The office was cluttered and dim.  A portly middle-aged man with a wide mustache rose as he entered.

“James Fraser, sir.” He extended his hand.

“Lloyd Stewart, at your service,” the man replied, shaking his hand firmly.  “What can I do for you today, Mr. Fraser?”   He gestured to a high-backed chair.

During the brief explanation of his journey and his purpose, Mr. Stewart’s expression changed from distracted civility to incredulity.

“Where did you say you were from, Mr. Fraser?”

“Lallybroch, sir.  Near Inverness.”

“That’s Captain Randall’s estate, is it not?   Do you work for him?”

Jamie drew a deep breath through his nostrils, quelling his urge to be insulted.

“Nay, I am master of the estate.  Captain Randall died in the war last fall.  His widow is now my wife.”

The merchant raised his bushy eyebrows high, casting a disdainful glance at the younger man’s filthy clothes and unkempt appearance, but saying nothing.

“Ye may… telephone… my wife, Claire Fraser, if yer doubting my claim.  Sir.”

He was bluffing.  Lallybroch had yet to install a telephone, mostly because neither he nor Claire could think of anyone they were interested in talking to who wasn’t willing to make the trip to speak in person.

“That won’t be necessary, Mr. Fraser.   If you could just validate some simple details for me…”  A heavy ledger sat on the corner of the desk, and Mr. Stewart opened it and paged backwards until finding the desired spot.   “Now, I see here that last spring our mill purchased some fine raw Cheviot from Lallybroch.  If you could simply confirm the number of bales your estate sold us, and who made the delivery, we’ll be right as rain.”

The man’s subtle sneer indicated he had every expectation Jamie would fail the test, and his next stop would be the local gaol, yet another Highlander imprisoned for theft.   Fortunately, the anger and righteousness coursing through the young man’s veins focused his mind, and he clearly remembered his conversation with Claire.

“Twas eleven bales, and brought tae ye by the Duke of Sandringham, who ‘as o’ersight of the estate, as ye likely ken.  In the future, t’will be I who brings ye the wool, if ye care tae mark that down in yer wee book, Mr. Stewart.  Master James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser of Lallybroch, if ye please.”

After a tense moment in which neither man blinked, Stewart sighed and began to open a heavy iron safe.   Five minutes later Jamie strode out of the building, eager to leave and begin his return journey.  There was six hundred-and-eleven pounds sterling hidden in the shafts of his boots.  The courtyard was empty save for his three horses and the wagon, already emptied of its shipment of wool.

[newsiegirlscout]

Alright! So I’ve finally gotten around to seeing The Willougbys, and it is. Perfectly ridiculous and amazing. I think @aj-reblogs had a review that properly does justice to the movie’s awesomeness, but unfortunately, I am not quite as dignified to write up a full critique and review. Instead, I have thoughts and little details about the movie I just really enjoyed! Spoilers below!

--I have only appreciation for Tim. It was honestly a really nice take to see the switch from the book’s “Oldest brother is bossy to get what he wants, Nanny makes him quit it” to “Oldest brother is bossy to try and look after three younger siblings at, like, twelve. Nanny takes care of them and lets him be a human child.” and of course, lots of love for having an extremely anxious lead portrayed less like a scaredy cat and more in an Atlas complex framing. 

--Oh gosh, with this and my Disorganized-Insecure headcanons, we could write a whole Psychology thesis on The Willoughbys.

--That gleeful laugh he does throwing the Mr. and Mrs. Willoughby portrait into the coal bin reblog if you agree

--While we’re on the subject of Tim, it’s a bit off, but I actually really do like the way he eats the candy on the bus home. It’s usually a cue to indicate a weird or obsessive trait, but it came across as more of a highlight; he probably hasn’t tasted anything like it before, so eating it in little bites would let him savor it aaaand also make sure it’s actually edible. 

--Also, that scene in general was just cute. 

--Hot take, though.....

--I actually don’t think the candy factory was necessary. I’d have to say it feels a little more like Gru’s minion lab than a really good end setting. Admittedly, a candy factory would be more “fun” than an apartment, or a big house, but I just don’t feel like the candy general, Ruth, or the factory were really grounded enough to be established as a permanent home. (We need the [BABY] to establish the [CANDY FACTORY] and the [CANDY GENERAL]....yeah, no, you could cut out that entire plotline fairly easily.)

--Also not to be harshing the vibes, but just from a personal stylistic preference, I really wish they’d given Jane a different thing. Autotune is a bit of a pet peeve, and stores in my area often play hit tracks like hers on repeat for several months at a time. (I wish I were exaggerating. Barnes and Noble played The Greatest Showman for about eighteen months.) But, y’know, I guess that’s not much of a problem right now. 

--One detail from the book they kept, which I felt was a nice touch: Mrs. Willoughby is always knitting, but never a second sweater for the Barnabys. Instead, they have one sweater and have to switch it. 

--The Barnabys were also fun. It’s nice to see identical twins who speak in unison and get more of a purpose than “creepy”. Even if they were pushed towards a “creepy” direction, I’m glad they did get established personalities and a lot of awesome use throughout the plot. 

--Conspiracy Theory Friday: I have to wonder if the big Willoughby trait is actually extremely good fortune? (Sorry, Tim.) We essentially had two adult Willoughbys go on an expedition and cause the death of multiple tour guides through their own selfishness, but managed to escape every single time without a scratch. Even when they nearly froze to death, they received an unfortunate deus ex machina via their children coming to rescue them...and bringing along a candy dirigible they stole. 

--Tenacity, yes. Endurance, bravery, perseverance, yes. But perhaps those are all learned traits after the fact of the gods essentially playing favor with the Willoughby line, a la Homer Epic. 

--That said, it would admittedly be pretty cool if some sort of intense history book on the Willoughby ancestry (as annotated by Tim) were produced. I feel like that would definitely be interesting to see, personally.

All in all, a really fun film that I enjoyed a lot and would definitely recommend; perhaps a few stars higher than I’d rate it initially, since it has, ahaha, been on my mind a lot. Yeah! We’re going to do psychological applications and analyses for animated movie characters and love it!!! We are okay!!

[pandas-pandemonium]

Per Sempre Insieme

Pairing: Yandere!Team Buccellati x Fem!Stand User!Reader

Warnings: Violence, Yandere (in later chapters), Slow Burn, Angst

Setting: Post-Vento Aureo, Everyone Lives!AU, Post-PHF

Chapters: 1, 2, 3 , More to Come

Summary: Catching the eye of the new don of Passioné was the last thing a hitman like yourself wanted to do, but what's worse is that you capture the attention and hearts of five other men too. Along with trying to avenge your sister's death, as well as dealing with six lovesick men, how will you ever survive?

1.6k words

Chapter 1

June 2003, Naples, Italy

Summer, the time of the year Giorno both loved and hated at the same time. Summer was great, mainly because he had summer vacation, allowing him to focus on running Passione during the next three months. However, he couldn’t find the heat enjoyable in the slightest. With the burning sun out at 11 in the morning already, he was regretting his decision to personally visit his favourite restaurant to collect the protection money. Heck, Bruno himself offered to do so, and so did countless other members of the mafia. But for some reason, he denied their offers to perform the task and headed there himself. It wasn’t like there was much danger anyways, few people knew the new don of Passione's face. He did however, bring along Sheila E. as his bodyguard, just to give Bruno peace of mind. The older man just wouldn’t stop insisting he bring someone along for his protection.

He was about halfway to the restaurant when a blur of [H/C] flew right by him and into the alleyway the two happened to pass. Fortunately, the Don recovered quickly enough to see a girl, perhaps not much older than him, pull open a door from the wall and disappeared in a blink of an eye.

“A stand user?” He wondered to himself under his breath. His interest in the passing stand user did not go by Sheila’s eyes as she tilted her head and looked up at the taller male.

“Is there anything you would need me to do, D- Giorno?” she asked, catching herself from addressing her boss by his title just in time. Giorno’s blue eyes shifted to the smaller female, and smiled gently.

“Not at the moment Sheila…Perhaps after we finish what we came here for, then we can look into that…incident,” he said. The girl nodded and resumed walking towards the restaurant.

After an hour or so, the duo walked out of the restaurant, stomachs full from the early lunch they just had, and headed to the alleyway they last saw the [H/C] girl disappear in.

“Sheila, I would like you to use your stand here, so we can figure out who that stand user was, or at least, their motives. It’s been two years, but new stand users are always an asset,” the blonde said. Wordlessly, the bodyguard nodded her head and withdrew her stand, Voodoo Child. Immediately, the stand got to work, furiously punching the wall and ground hard enough that it began to crack open. After a few moments, lips formed from the cracks and began to speak.

“Damn it, when the hell is that darn geezer gonna bank in my pay?! I took out the guy just like he asked me to!”

“Ah man, setting up house here is the worst idea…It’s got the worst view ever! I can barely tell evening from day in the mansion.”

“Ugh! Some assholes decided to spit in front of my doorstep! I swear if I catch them, I’ll beat them to death for it.”

Giorno held up his hand, and Sheila stopped the voices.

“Well, I wasn’t sure what I was hoping to find out, but at the very least it doesn’t seem like the user has left. Perhaps if we stay out here long enough, she should come out again. I would like to see how her stand works, it could be useful for the transportations team,” he said. Giorno then clapped his hands together and headed to leave the dim alleyway, his bodyguard trailing behind.

Upon reaching the Passione base, Giorno immediately called two men to keep watch over that particular alleyway, and to bring the stand user to him directly. It wasn’t much, but he was glad he trusted his intuition to go out this afternoon. After all, if his men succeed in locating and retrieving the stand user, Passione could only benefit from it.

~~~~

It was past two in the morning when you finally finished your job; exterminating a mole in some big business you barely cared for. The CEO paid you big bucks for it, and that was what mattered. You found it amusing how willing the rich and powerful are to go to such dirty means to prevent their secrets from getting out. Now, you were on your way down a street of Naples, heading towards your temporary hideout. Sure, you could simply set up your house any where you want, but the alleyway you chose was near one of your favourite restaurants, which was convenient.

Just as you were approaching the dark alleyway, you froze. There, sitting on a wall, was a man clothed in black, almost unnoticeable for someone who wasn’t trained to see in the dark. You backed up, holding your hands up in a fighting position, ready to defend yourself if necessary.

“Who are you and who sent you?” you demanded, trying to keep your voice level, as to not betray your feelings. Truth be told, you were nervous. Were you really that careless? Who in the world could have sent someone to catch you? Aside from those who related to those who were killed by your hands, you doubt you made many enemies. You were a paid hitman, and you always made sure to cover your tracks so people don’t come after you. So far, no one has traced the assassinations back to you, so who?

The man spoke soon enough, “The Don of Passione wants to recruit you. Consider this a personal invitation into the mafia. Lucky you, you don’t even have to pass a test.” You raised an eyebrow.

The Don of Passione? The new one? Last you heard, Passione changed bosses and the one leading the gang currently was a young man who took over the position as Don when he was only a teenager.

“What the hell does a mafioso want with me? Does he even know who I am?” you asked. The man jumped down from his position and sighed.

“Who knows. What he does know however, is that you may have a pretty useful stand he could have use for. I’m just carrying out orders. If you refuse to come with me, I’m more than willing to use force,” he said, arms crossed. You swallowed. You really had been careless. You completely forgot that there were bound to be other stand users roaming streets of Napoli, and of all people to catch sight of you using your stand, it had to be freaking Passione’s don?

You laughed, “If he thinks I’m going to comply so easily, he mustn’t have very good judgment.” With that, you pulled out your gun. As if you were going to reveal your stand this easily. If the don was that serious about recruiting you, he better had sent one of his best.

“Oh, sweetie, you really think that gun is going to protect you. If you’re a stand user, make it a stand fight!” yelled the man. From the corner of your eye, you saw light grey humanoid-ish shape seep into the pavement below you. Hurriedly you jumped back, your eyes scanning your surroundings, watching out for any signs of attack.

“It’s useless, miss. Once Penny Lane’s taken over any object, there’s no way of avoiding it,” the man calmly spoke. Just then, the concrete under your feet began to warp, slowly melting into a liquid form. Panicking, you searched for higher ground. You had to get off the concrete fast, and uncover his stand’s secret. Internally, you cursed. Of course, an offensive stand type user is sent to get you. Tonight, really wasn’t your night. The ground was rapidly turning to liquid and so were other things around you. If you didn’t get out of the stand’s range fast, you’d be trapped in the concrete.

“Well? Will you draw out your stand or will you keep trying to run through liquid cement?” taunted the man. You cursed under your breath. Well, if the gang member had shown his, you might as well right? So, you turned around, as quickly as you could, as your pants were caked in cement, which was drying fast.

“If I show you my stand you’ll stop right?” you asked, holding up your hands in surrender. The man nodded and you took a deep breath, allowing the light golden spirit to appear beside you. Its eyes were a blank white, and it appeared to be wearing a butler’s suit.

“This is Soul’s Mansion. It’s not a fighting type stand, so don’t worry about me trying to attack you. Now, will you stop this?” you asked as you let your stand disappear. The man shrugged and recalled his stand back. Unfortunately for you, you had made an error in your request. You had asked him to turn the cement back into concrete but had forgotten that you would be stuck ankle deep in the pavement. Flushing an angry red, you panicked.

“W-wait! Turn it back into liquid, I need to get out of here!”

The man raised his eyebrow, “And let you escape? Of course not. You don’t have to worry though; my partner will get you out of there. I hope to see you back at the base,” he called out as he turned to leave, leaving you stuck in the concrete. Just as he left, a woman of significant height walked towards you from the other side of the road.

“It’s a shame it ended so quickly. I was really enjoying seeing your panicked expression. Anyways, as per the boss’s orders, let’s you take you back, shall we?” she said with a smile, her light blue eyes twinkling under the dark sky. You swallowed thickly as you stared up at the woman, a deep feeling of dread pooling in your stomach.

~~~~

A/N: I thought I'd just drop this lol. I was too impatient, and it'll be one thing less on my mind while I work on the other requests. Feedback and questions are greatly appreciated! So are likes and reblogs!

[sablelab]

Covert Operations - Chapter 104

 SYNOPSIS: Given Fergus Claudel’s question about Murtagh, Geillis Duncan reflects on his reasons for being on the mission. Meanwhile Sun Yee Lok awaits the return of the triad members to his home. While in transit, Murtagh observes Claire and Jamie who both are in need of medical attention and the sooner they return to Section One the better.

THANK YOU for your responses to my writing of this story.  I very much appreciate you taking the time to read Covert Operations, like, reblog or leave a comment on what you have read.

The previous chapter can be found at  Chapter 103 and all other chapters at https://sablelab.tumblr.com/covertoperations

  CHAPTER 104

The rescue team leader Geillis Duncan had heard the worry in Fergus Claudel’s voice when he’d asked about his friend so she cast her eyes over to where Murtagh Fitzgibbons sat with his eyes closed catching some shut eye … or so she thought. As she observed him, he suddenly opened one eye then the other and looked her way. She felt a slight embarrassment at having been caught out staring at him, but Murtagh merely gave her a cheeky wink. Geillis gave a wry smile back at the older operative who had been instrumental in carrying out the retrieval mission with his explosives.  They communicated silently for a while before they broke eye contact when Murtagh cast his eyes over towards Jamie and Claire. She in turn surreptitiously studied the seasoned Section One operative and reflected on his reasons for being on the mission.

She liked Murtagh Fitzgibbons. He was a free spirit, and although cantankerous at times and rebellious at others, he was to be admired. He’d learned the art of survival in Section One and for any field operative that was not an easy feat. She could learn a lot from him and had been grateful that he was on her team for this mission. Having volunteered to come into the field to search for Jamie and Claire was testament to the obvious friendship Murtagh had with the couple. The wily old fox had managed to ingratiate himself onto the team in the ruse of being indispensable on this retrieval mission because of his expertise in Asian weaponry techniques. What humbug! She knew he and Fergus had been worried sick about Claire’s welfare and they had wanted to help Jamie. This way he could be in the thick of things if something had gone wrong rather than hear it second hand when the teams returned to Section. However, despite his age Murtagh had proved his mettle time and again and had certainly been invaluable to the mission’s success. Although he’d once been a field operative, it had been some time since his last foray into the field. But he had been superb. His knowledge of explosives and the destructive gadgets he’d created had been very useful in the end. If not for Murtagh Fitzgibbons ... things may have gone pear shape. Her eyes also cast one last look over at their wounded colleagues.

There wasn't much else that could be done about Jamie and Claire on the flight back to Section One other than to keep them both comfortable and try to prevent any further bleeding from Jamie’s wound. She returned to her debrief making a mental note to give Murtagh a special mention in her report. Fergus had said Operations would want it as soon as possible on her return and she had much to cover about this mission and how all the team members had performed. Meanwhile the triads are nearing their destination … The three triad members had gone over their recollection of events and were satisfied that they had done everything possible to bring closure for the Rising Dragons. James Fraser and Claire Beauchamp were dead and now there was nothing stopping the triad from regrouping and rising from the ashes stronger and more resilient than ever. Sun Yee Lok would be delighted. They had left nothing to chance and were prepared for whatever questions he may ask of them when they finally landed. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Situated on several secluded acres of pristine coastal land the aircraft neared the palatial home of their leader where his private residence was sheltered on the north and east side by a mountain range. Being very superstitious it was vital to Sun Yee Lok that the layout of his home was in line with the powerful chi for prosperity, wealth and longevity. It was important that visually the first impression was pleasing to the eye but more importantly that the energy flow in and around his home was as beneficial as possible. By creating an internal and external environment that welcomed an abundance of positive chi then Sun Yee Lok was able to enjoy its beneficial influence in his life. Thus, all the elements were aligned to make the most of every aspect of favourable Feng Shui and being situated near water was also very fortuitous and lucky as it carried good chi. Meeting at his home in this auspicious environment would put a positive spin on what had been a troublesome time for the Rising Dragons.

He was interested to hear what his daughter and the others had to say about what had happened on Lantau Island. He was positive that their meeting would be extremely constructive and looked forward to their accounts of events at the monastery and the future repercussions for the triad. Having placed his trust in Jonathon Randall and Wang Yu to carry out his orders in whatever way they deemed necessary to gain the success, he was also confident that the news he would hear from them would only bring good luck to the Rising Dragons from here on in.  As leader of the triad, he also needed to know how Karen had performed and would ask Wang for his candid impression of his daughter’s leadership capabilities. He had his reasons for wanting to know every detail of the part she’d played in turning the triad’s fortune around. However, a full account was not necessary this evening but first thing in the morning he expected to hear only good news about what had occurred at the monastery. When all three were rested and refreshed he would meet with them individually, but tonight was cause for great celebration. Tomorrow was time to make headway. Having put an end to all the mysteries and problems that had befallen the triad over the past few months meant that things could return to some normalcy. The Rising Dragons could now avoid a turf war with the Black Panthers which had been simmering ever since Jonathon Randall’s nightclub, The Triangle had been firebombed. Perhaps he could also mend fences with Samuel Li although he had his suspicions that still waters ran deep with the Black Panther’s leader.  Time would tell if he had his eyes on usurping his authority as supreme Dragon Head to seize control of turf in Hong Kong and destabilise the Rising Dragons’ stronghold.   Yet, he’d certainly contemplated the possibility that he may need to call for a gathering of the fractions first to negotiate the territory they would control in Hong Kong for this very reason. Keeping your enemy close was always the preferred option to keep his finger on the pulse.  He was willing to concede a small inconsequential district for the Black Panthers and Red Lanterns to control, but the majority of Hong Kong belonged to the Rising Dragons and would continue to do so. This was a time for the survival of the fittest. 

Sun Yee Lok smiled knowingly.

It was time for the triad to assert its dominance in Hong Kong and beyond once more and he intended that the Rising Dragons would be the one to triumph over all the smaller fractious groups. If Samuel Li or others thought it possible to overthrow his authority then they would have another thing coming.   The Rising Dragons took no prisoners. His triad was always ruthlessly aggressive and uncompromising in the pursuit of their objectives. Forceful and determined they had no compunction if they harmed anyone and James Fraser and Claire Beauchamp were testament to that scenario. Thus, any triad leader thinking they could overthrow him would feel the depth of his cunning and wrath.

To all who dare to take us on We will demonstrate forceful prowess You may try but you will never win Your failure only brings success ... to The Rising Dragon! But tonight ... there was much to celebrate.

With much to think about on his mind, Sun Yee Lok signalled to a staff member to ready the chilled champagne that awaited the trio’s successful return. On the Section One jet …

Although Murtagh observed both his friends as they settled in for the flight back to Section One, he made a closer appraisal of his Sugar, Claire Beauchamp.

She will be all right. Everything will be all right now that we have her back with us. Had Claire known how worried he and Fergus were after seeing the tape of her being tortured? Did she ever think that if there was anything he could do to get her back then he would do it?  Claire knew for certain that Jamie would always come after her but in her wildest dreams she would never think that he would be on the retrieval team. He was surprised that Operations had granted permission to go on the mission but who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? Despite his ageing years he was still in top physical condition and the adrenalin rush had been euphoric. Not only had that, but the new explosive device he’d invented had been sensational. The impact of the blast was his best yet. Unaware of the thoughts careening through Murtagh’s mind as he intently looked over her way; Claire lifted her head and caught his eye. They looked at each other for a moment then Murtagh’s eyes crinkled up with his most lecherous smile hoping that he would get a reaction from his Sugar. She took the bait and nodded her head in reply with the smile that he loved … and mouthed the words “Thank you,” before closing her eyes once more. She will be all right, he thought, but he was still very worried about his Sugar.

Claire had lost the sparkle from her eyes, but in time he was confident that it would return ... all she needed was a little rest and recuperation. She needed to gain her strength back as well as come to terms with what she’d experienced at the hands of her captors. However long that took, didn’t matter for he would be there for her as would Fergus. Along with Jamie, they would see her get better and help her put those memories of incarceration from the recesses of her mind. His Sugar was a ray of sunshine in Section One and he wanted her to shine brightly once more. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Murtagh Fitzgibbons then turned his attention to James Fraser. Worriedly he took in his ashen features and the sweat beading on his brow. His breathing wasn’t right either ... it appeared to be laboured and shallow. He also noticed that Jamie’s chest rose and fell in an uneven staccato. That wasn’t good, but he was obviously covering up his own distress for Claire’s sake. This man had moved heaven and earth to find her. Jamie had come through as they knew he would and Murtagh was extremely grateful that he was the operative that he was. If anyone could have found her then ... James Fraser would have. When they’d first entered the aircraft, Jamie had ignored everyone in the transport plane until he had settled Claire down for the return flight. He didn’t want to watch but he’d been mesmerized by the tenderness that both covertly showed towards each other … but without drawing undue attention to one another. He’d watched as Jamie tenderly looked to Claire’s needs as she did to his. The cold Section One operative’s eyes were anything but cold, on the contrary they had gleamed with dark emotion as he’d gently cradled her against his body. He would know that look anywhere. He knew what it meant. Jamie’s actions spoke volumes. He’d glanced around wondering if others had noticed, but the other exhausted operatives were already asleep and Geillis Duncan was occupied with writing her report. Thankfully Jamie and Claire’s shared moment had not been witnessed by anyone else. Murtagh’s  eyes travelled over to Claire once more as she sat next to Jamie with her head resting on his good shoulder. Both appeared to be asleep. These two people had given their all for Section One but would Madeline and Operations be of the same view? They needed some well-earned downtime to get back on track but would they have the compassion to grant them some leave together? Surely Section’s leaders wouldn’t be that heartless to deny them some recovery time away from Section One? Could they show some empathy for their two best operatives who had done everything conceivably possible to carry out their mission but who had fallen foul of the ruthless triad’s torture and interrogation? When they actually saw them would Madeline and Operations have a change of heart?  

The roar of the engines brought Claire back to consciousness and her eyes opened briefly. He looked up to see her watching him through drowsy eyes. She smiled at him then nestled back into Jamie’s warmth. Murtagh Fitzgibbons smiled back at his Sugar with only one wish on his mind ... that the plane could go faster. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ As Claire nestled back into Jamie’s warmth she continued to glance over to where her friend sat in the transport plane.

He’d returned her faint smile with a reassuring one and she had picked up on his tacit clues ... they were safe at last and he was glad. However, she also saw the concentration that furrowed her friend’s brow. What was he thinking about? She wondered. He was probably wishing that they were already back at Section One and that the plane was travelling too slowly in his opinion. Well ... she thought the same thing too. Unconcerned about her own well being, Claire was more worried about Jamie.

Although he gave the impression that he was okay, she was convinced that this was not the case. The sooner he got medical attention the better. Not only that but she loathed the thought that Madeline and Operations would analyse every phase of this mission once they were recovered and before that if they thought it would be more advantageous. Nonetheless, she and Jamie would deal with their interrogation once they were better, but right now she couldn’t concentrate enough to think clearly about what was to come. She was much too drowsy and exhausted. Claire chanced another look at her friend.

He’d been the last person she would have thought would have been on the retrieval team. It was still hard to believe that he actually was here. If the truth be known, she was still recovering from the surprise of seeing his craggy face at finding her. Murtagh’s wrinkled yet concerned smile had been pure magic but as usual he’d tried to brush it off as nothing. But it wasn’t nothing … it meant everything to her. It must have taken a lot for him to volunteer for this mission. It was wonderful that her best friend had come to their rescue, and both she and Jamie were fortunate that Murtagh and the team had arrived when they did. Overcome with fatigue Claire finally closed her eyes unable to keep them open a moment longer. One word however, reverberated through her brain. Safe. They were all safe at long last. For a while there it had been touch and go. Nestling into the warmth of Jamie’s body, she was thankful that they were out of that situation once and for all. Being subjected to such horrific things at the hands of these particular triad members would not be forgotten. Jamie would not forgive or forget their actions and once he had recovered from his wounds there would be no stopping his mission to find them and bring them to justice. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Murtagh too was incapable of taking his eyes off of her. He sat in his seat and stared at Claire as she lay against Jamie fast asleep. Knowing that they were both safe was a great relief as these last couple of days had been the longest of his life. His emotions had certainly gone through the wringer as well. Not knowing where Claire was being held and not being able to contact Jamie had sent, he and Fergus off on a mission of their own. They’d done everything possible to contact the level 5 operative, while nothing would have stopped him from going on this mission to rescue his Sugar once they had finally found them.  Claire was like a daughter to him. Little did they know but they would also be rescuing her rescuer as well. Murtagh knew Jamie was a chameleon but he had witnessed his love for Claire when others were merely speculating as to their relationship.

James Fraser had moved heaven and earth to find Claire and had gone to hell and back for her. He had manipulated missions to protect her and had managed to save her from the wrath of Operations and Madeline on many an occasion and the Rising Dragons’ mission was no exception. Still waters ran deep with James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser but Claire Beauchamp was the one person who had been able to penetrate the barriers he had placed around himself.

Despite his condition Murtagh saw Jamie tighten his arm around her pulling Claire closer to his warmth even in sleep.

Those two were joined at the hip. They were Ying and Yang … one could not survive without the other. He sighed knowing that when they returned to Section One Jamie would be under the microscope for his actions on this rescue mission. The question was how would Operations and Madeline deal with their recalcitrant operative? His life in Section was always one test after another ... what would his report card be this time? The pressures placed on Jamie by Section’s leaders were great but his self-imposed pressures were at times far greater. Just keeping alive day after day was enough of a challenge but where Claire was concerned; Jamie always went that extra mile. He was her protector and Claire his … and despite all they had been through on this mission for Section One they still remained true to each other. Awww! … Young love. They may deny their feelings for one another and hide them from their superiors but he knew all the signs. Together they were formidable operatives … Section’s best … they deserved a break. Jamie and Claire were meant to be together but the consequences of their relationship still riled Operations and Madeline. The two operatives couldn’t take a trick, but maybe this time their superiors would relent and grant them some well-deserved downtime together to recover.

The weapons’ expert had nothing but admiration for James Fraser but the sound of a soft groan snapped him back to the present. He chanced a look at Section’s cold operative and found himself biting the inside of his lip with concern. Knowing that Jamie had finally found Claire was a welcome relief but they certainly were not expecting that he may have been captured. Jamie was in a sorry state too. Like Claire he’d been tortured as well … badly by the looks of him. Murtagh scrutinized the sallow and pain filled features of the young man. Jamie was obviously in greater distress than he was letting on. He was very worried about him, and he also noticed that Jamie’s wound had started to seep while Claire’s lethargy was a worry too. 

This trip back to Section was taking far too long for his liking. Both of them were in a bad way. They needed medical attention and the quicker the better.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Averting his eyes away from the sight of the two wounded Section operatives still protecting each other even in repose, Murtagh Fitzgibbons glanced from the sleeping couple over to Geillis Duncan when he heard her communicate with Fergus once more. With his curiosity peaked; he just couldn’t help eavesdropping on her conversation with him and when he heard her statement his admiration for the team leader increased tenfold.

Bravo! He uttered under his breath. “Tell Operations that they’re going to need some downtime when they return.” “I don’t think he’ll agree to that request,” Fergus stated despondently as his mind raced with visions of what had happened to Jamie and Claire. “He will when he sees the condition they are in. They’re badly injured, but alive.” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Fergus Claudel had been living on tenterhooks ever since Claire’s tape had arrived at Section but he had also been worried about his good buddy Murtagh. Having volunteered to go on the retrieval mission had not really surprised him especially knowing the fondness that he held for Claire but he was very worried about him and hoped that Murtagh had come to no harm. Although he knew he was being repetitious, Fergus took the opportunity to ask about his buddy again while he had the chance. He wanted to make sure that what Geillis had said the first time was true ... and that she wasn’t just saying things to appease his worry. He hesitated ... he wanted to know, and yet he didn't. There was no point avoiding the issue. He bit the bullet and asked the question that was uppermost on his mind. “And Murtagh? How did he do? He’s okay, isn’t he?” There was a slight pause before Geillis replied. To Fergus it was an indescribable few seconds of torture not knowing the fate of his friend. Finally, she answered. “Like I said before ... He did good … He’s fine Fergus.” Releasing a sigh of relief, Fergus acknowledged her report before closing the channel thankful that nothing serious had happened to his best buddy. He ran his hands through his hair grateful that everyone was finally returning back to Section One. Removing his comm. unit, he sat back in his chair and stared into space marshalling the strength he knew he would need to face his superiors. A nervous tick suddenly started to throb in his head and Fergus felt a bead of sweat appear on his brow. He wondered how in heaven’s name he would be able to relay Geillis Duncan’s Intel and requests to Madeline and Operations. 

Perhaps if I wait a while longer, they would see for themselves and he wouldn’t need to say anything. His superiors would surely greet the team on their return to Section, Fergus thought. Nonetheless, finally, he got up from his terminal and took a deep breath. With that thought in his mind as the solution to his dilemma, he made his way towards the perch. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~ Geillis felt a pair of eyes trained on her as she spoke. Turning her head, she saw a wily grin plastered over Murtagh’s face. She stared back in a similar vein pointedly asking. “Well, what are you looking at?” Feigning ignorance he responded, “Oh ...Did you say something?” “You know what I mean … One of these days you're going to carry this cranky old man act a little too far Murtagh Fitzgibbons.” His brow rose at her teasing manner. “Really?” “Really ... If you want something from me, just come out and say it.” Geillis tried to hide the mirth from her voice. “I just wanted to say thanks for the good work.” Taken aback by his compliment, Geillis Duncan nodded her head in confirmation. “I don't need a pat on the back ... but thanks Murtagh ... coming from you that means a lot.” She gave him a warm smile, blinked then broke off their conversation before turning her attention to other matters. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~ Deciding to try and get some shuteye on the journey back to Section One Murtagh knew that when they returned, Madeline and Operations would want a thorough debrief from all team members ... himself included. He felt a slight smile tug at the corner of his mouth as he anticipated Fergus' reaction to Claire's return. He’ll be stoked. I can't wait to see his face! He reflected. Yet it was Geillis Duncan’s reaction to his flirting that put a genuine smile on his face. Fitzgibbons you old devil you! He chuckled. Well, well, well. All those years of … uh … experience ... still hold you in good stead. Geillis is eating out of your hand. He smiled to himself thinking that he hadn’t lost his touch with the ladies after all, then closing his eyes Murtagh too succumbed to weariness.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ to be continued on Tuesday 10th March

[thebiasrekkers]

You Can’t Live Without Me - KNJ

Plot: Kim Namjoon has it all. Money, top pedigree, and a guaranteed future. But he lacks true affection in his life. He has no one to blame but himself because the one good thing he had, the one good woman he had, he tossed her aside. He tries to drown his regrets in alcohol. He tries to tell her one more time...

Rating: PG-13 // SFW

Genre: one-shot | break-up!au | angst | broken romance | exes

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female OC (Mileena)

Warnings: Heavy alcohol use, language, class separation, angst, heartache, interracial/intercultural relationship, suggested drug use

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,782

AN: Not gonna lie, I had mixed feelings about this. I know I was all gung-ho about it in the beginning, but now I’m just hurt for a variety of reasons. My intent was to have this be a hot and steamy “we-can’t-be-together-but-screw-it-and-screw-you-while-we-get-naked-on-the-floor” story, but it didn’t turn out that way. I can’t complain. My goal is to hurt feelings. Mine included. All reblogs, critiques/reviews, comments and affection are accepted! Happy reading!

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Something. 

Anything. 

Preferably vodka. 

Oooh yes, vodka vodka vodka. 

That's what he desired at this moment. That was what he needed. Even a shot of gin would satiate his hunger and need for a drink. It was not like he could go back home and just order his pints and be done with it. The closest place to home was Seoul Tree, but Namjoon wasn't feeling that tonight.

Normally Namjoon would rely on his lovely tobacco infested cigarettes or the sweet taste of THC in his lungs and throat, but fortune was being a bitch and his last pack had been lost, having smoked his last joint that morning. Disappeared and vanished into thin air. Plus a bit of alcohol in his system was always a better fix. 

Fingers groped in his pocket, sighing in defeat and disappointment at not discovering a smoke he may have hidden from himself. Instead, he was rewarded with a stick of gum. 

Better than nothing.  

Tearing open the wrapper, he stuck the gum in his mouth and made his way into the bumping, noisy Club Fetish.

Namjoon found his way inside easily enough in the dark. Honestly, he could really find just about any club in the world with his eyes closed if necessary - he snuck in them often enough when he was younger. He'd ditch classes at his boarding school back in Ireland. It was a hell of a place; one of few sanctuaries to him - almost like detention. Wow, was that kind of screwed up for him to think such a thing?

He sighed and passed a few bucks off to the bouncer, allowing him entrance before he was soon greeted by the noise and smells of the club. Drugs were afoot, and whiskey flowed like water as the potent sweat of dancers and grinding club goers reached his nares. Bass from the speakers pulsed across his body. They were calling out to him.

He was a regular at this place for the past couple of days. It showed in the staff's actions of grasping his wrists and guiding him to the nearest booth, fervently asking him what it was he wished to eat. To drink. 

Asking for some side dishes for the time being, he looked at a familiar face and smiled. "Can you bring me some whiskey if you have any? Otherwise, just some vodka would work." 

The waitress, Libby, gave him a look of concern, worried that the side dishes may not be enough for him to handle the alcohol content of vodka and that he shouldn't be drinking during a work night. However, Namjoon quickly waved off the woman's worries. "Don't worry, Libby, I can handle at least that much. And if you're intent on making sure I get fed properly, just bring me some of that kickass fruit and we'll go from there, yeah? Please?"

After hesitating for another moment, Libby disappeared in the back for a moment before returning with a bottle and glass. The glass of the clear liquid was set before him. 

Finally. 

Tilting his head back, the glass was drained and the familiar buzz warmed his soul. Thank God, he thought, smiling and pressing the glass against his face; the cool surface doing wonders to his warm skin. That's all he needed. Well actually he would have appreciated some more.

Soon, dishes of food were prepared for him and he partook of them happily. Libby continued to refill his glass faithfully and to ease the woman's troubled mind, Namjoon made sure to eat something every time he took a drink. It wasn't until he was half bleary eyed and into his eighth shot that an unsettling thought crept into his mind. A worm of worry taunted how he might turn out to be like his uncle. A drunken, pot-addicted madman without a care for the world and overly aggressive with his flourishes - caring more about his appearances with his colleagues and peers than his own nephew. 

Well fuck him.

Namjoon had some tolerance to liquor as he often stole booze from his uncle just to escape the reality of living in that insanity; of dealing with the morbidity of having to acknowledge that his parents were dead and gone. Well, his father was still alive but he may as well have been dead as far as he was concerned. 

He moaned slightly at the pitiful thoughts. He was not here to think about that. For God's sake, he went to America to escape from everything. Except now it seemed to be haunting him.

Only one thing could make this better. Well, several one things. But weed and company would always be welcomed. 

Libby filled his glass again and as Namjoon chewed on a cracker, he sipped the shot of vodka down - umber eyes glossy and with a slightly hazel sheen - wet from the intoxication reflected in their depths. He stared down into the glass, lost in the swirls of liquid and neon lights dancing at the bottom of it.

He needed to learn to stop thinking. Thinking brought on these issues with family, with his ex and her new lover. She was sprouting thorns, the very same thorns he’d once taken the time to pluck away. 

Yes. He needed to cease all thoughts.

More. Alcohol.

The sound of the doorbell ripped through the silence of the apartment. Mileena jumped from her bed, wielding her pillow in both hands. Her hair and sleeping shirt were disheveled and anyone who looked at her would easily have pointed and laughed. 

Thankfully, no one was there.

The ringing continued, reverberating off the walls, and a series of heavy knocks followed suit. Dropping the pillow onto the bed, she trudged out of the bedroom and into the living room. Her eyes veered toward the clock on the wall, spying the time. It was an ungodly hour of the morning and she wasn’t having it. She didn’t care if it was an emergency either. Heads would roll.

Grasping the handle, she wrenched the door open violently. Mileena prepped her leg to shin-kick the person waking her up this early. It didn’t matter that it was her day off. She barely slept and every hour was precious to her.

On the other side was her ex, Namjoon. She pulled a disgusted face as he lazily rolled his neck to peer down at her. He reeked of booze. Her eyes roved over his appearance. He was dressed nicely, like he was out at the club or leaving a company dinner. His suit jacket hung off his shoulders and his tie was half pulled from his neck. Their gazes met and she sighed, folding her arms across her chest as he leaned heavily against her doorframe.

Life had a way of messing things up. It was no different now. They came from two different worlds. Namjoon was the nephew of some big-shot CEO. Mileena worked two jobs and attended night school. She was just starting down the road of obtaining her Masters when she met Namjoon; when he swept her unknowingly off her feet. 

Was he a bad boy? No. He was a hurt boy who had too much time and too much money on his hands. He walked a self-destructive path and Mileena almost fell into the volcano with him.

Being called into the Dean’s office about her attendance record was the wakeup call she needed.

“Hey, Millie,” he rasped, his voice thick with his lack of sobriety, “busy?”

“I hate that goddamn nickname.” Her eyes narrowed. “And I was busy sleeping. You know, that thing that normal people with regular jobs do?”

He chuckled; that low, rolling sound that held a baritone timbre that always made her heart flutter. It was the sound that he made whenever he was going in for the kill. When he was getting ready to open himself up to showcase a sliver of vulnerability. The side of himself that he rarely showed anyone.

But Mileena saw it. It was the reason she fell for him all those years ago in the first place. 

“What do you want, Joon?” 

“What do you think?” he asked, his hand moving out toward her; to touch her. 

She immediately took a step back, moving just out of his reach. His drunken grin fell from his face, replaced with a dour expression. Her eyes narrowed slightly. 

“You’re drunk,” she snapped, moving to shut the door in his face, “call a cab and go home. I don’t have time for this.”

The door rattled beneath her fingers at the sudden blow from Namjoon’s fist against it. She blinked away what little haze of sleep remained. Mileena slowly reached a hand up to run her fingers through her raven-colored hair, digging the pads into the back of her scalp. Releasing a slow exhale, she cast her stormy hues up at Namjoon.

“You need to leave.”

“Just hear me out, Mills.”

“Why should I?” She scoffed. “You smell like you swam in a vat of whiskey. There’s nothing you could possibly say that would convince me to take it seriously.”

“I can’t live without you.”

Mileena felt her jaw grow slack. She stared straight into his eyes, taking note of the surprise on his own face. Namjoon must have realized what he actually said at that moment - the internal conflict clearly showcasing itself across his visage. For a while, neither of them said anything as they lingered in her doorway entrance.

She waited for him to take it back. She expected him to. 

Instead, he looked back at her expectantly. A cold feeling slowly washed over her entire body, chilling her spine as it continued sinking down to the balls of her feet. Her vision swam with the onset of tears and Mileena roughly swiped at her cheeks to prevent them from falling. She saw Namjoon moving, his hand reaching out toward her face. This time, she side-stepped out of reach - her own hand angrily smacking his wrist away from her.

“Then why aren’t you dead yet?” Mileena snapped. “Why are you still breathing, Kim Namjoon?”

Her words hurt him. She knew it did. But the damaged part of her, the part that was hurt that Namjoon came to her again like this, couldn’t feel a shred of remorse for her callous words or her icy tone. She didn’t even care that she would probably regret it in the morning. 

All Mileena could focus on was damaging his spirit.

Namjoon bit his lower lip, his brows furrowing harshly. “That’s not fair,” he murmured, taking a step toward her. 

She took a step back.

“I think it’s very fair!”

She could feel her heart jack-hammering against her ribs, but Mileena refused to relent. She wouldn’t give him an inch. Because already, without having to be told, she knew he would go a mile. 

He moved faster than what should have been possible for someone who was drunk. In seconds, Namjoon was crowding her space and forcing her back into her apartment. Mileena watched him kick the door with his heel, slamming it shut behind him. She stumbled backwards, nearly losing her footing, but a sharp pain twisted around her wrist as Namjoon grabbed her before she could fall. Her body was pulled forward and she gasped when her chest crashed into his.

“Mileena!” he yelled.

“You never cared about me! About my life!” she screamed, trying to free her wrist from his hold as she pushed away from him. There was a sharp pop at her shoulder from the strain pulling at her arm. “Why should you, when your future is already guaranteed?!”

Namjoon blinked down at her. The angry expression he wore slowly began melting away. Mileena felt him loosen his grip on her wrist and she took advantage of the opportunity - yanking herself fully from him. 

They were five feet apart now. Mileena could barely hear her own breathing over the drumming of her heart. Angry tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. She shouldn’t have been entertaining any of this. She should have just threatened to call the cops on him. Overwhelming feelings of desire and inadequacy always threatened to strangle her when they were around each other; when he was this close . 

Our lives can never meet in the middle, she thought sadly, feeling her lower lip tremble, and that’s why you ended things.

Gravity held her by the ankles, pulling the rest of her body down to the floor. She collapsed to her knees, her hands falling limply at her sides. All she could do was stare at the hardwood floor, consciously forcing herself not to look up at Namjoon. Mileena already knew. If she looked at him now, he’d see the truth behind her eyes. He’d catch the lie in her seemingly frigid words. It didn’t matter that she was dating someone else.

He would know that she still loved him.

“Please,” she managed to croak, the sound of her voice reflecting how tired she truly was, “just leave.”

There was silence at first. Then the subtle shuffling of feet before hearing her front door open and close - the hinges softly squeaking before the latch caught. Mileena quickly covered her mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to escape. 

The silence returned and she knew, for certain, that she was alone.

Namjoon barely felt the people he bumped into on the streets and he didn’t hear their protests. The world was a blur of lights and muffled sounds. But none of it mattered to him. Not one single bit. 

Because the world seemed almost colorless.

Traffic zoomed by and he felt his legs carrying him toward something more quiet and solitary. He needed to get away from all the lights. He needed quiet. He needed a place where he could think; a place where he could fill his head with nothing but thoughts of her.

Pain blossomed over his right knee as he ran into a park bench. He stumbled into the seat, his back popping from crashing into it. For a moment, his vision blurred and there was a soft ringing in his ears. The world swirled in a kaleidoscope of colors momentarily before correcting itself. 

Pressing a hand to his forehead, he shook his head as his palm slid down to cover his eyes. 

“I’m so fuckin’ stupid,” he muttered, pressing the pads of his fingers against his skin.  

It wasn’t like he didn’t know the reason they weren’t together anymore. Namjoon was a selfish prick who had home life issues that stemmed from neglect coupled with substitution methods in the form of “buying affection”. Classic, cookie cutter, spoiled rich kid. He played the misunderstood bad boy and the girls were drawn to him like a moth to the flame. Women filled his bed and faces changed as often as the cleaning staff changed the sheets.

Everything changed when he met Mileena. He wanted to change. He wanted to be better. He wanted to be better for himself because she made him see that there was a different way to do things. Throwing money didn’t gain influence. Behaving like an asshole didn’t achieve success or respect.

But Namjoon knew he was selfish. She wasn’t a dime a dozen. She was his unicorn. 

And just like in fairy tales, his touch tainted her. 

Days bled into weeks. Weeks into months. And then one year became two. The more he wanted her, the more selfish he became. The more he pushed, the more she pulled away. She was right. He didn’t care that Mileena was working and studying. He depended on her and demanded her attention way more than what was necessary. But she continued to give and give and give.

Until one day, she just couldn’t give anymore.

Namjoon collapsed under the pressure of his world. Its fake smiles, fake promises, and cold outer shell. Nothing was genuine, but that didn’t make it any less real. The truth was harsh and slashed at him from the inside out.

He heaved a heavy sigh, leaning forward to rest his elbows onto his knees. With a heavy heart, he let everything settle over his body like a lead blanket. He’d fucked it all up and had no one to blame but himself. Because he wasn’t strong enough to truly fight for what he wanted. He was too scared to leave his privilege behind.

Mileena was right. He could live without her. He could still breathe without her. 

But that didn’t mean that he wanted to.

A bitter laugh pushed from Namjoon’s lips as he slowly shook his head.

At least she was free from the shackles of his bullshit.