#he 100% eats some of the fries when no one's watching

[emotionalsupportgoblin420]

The reference photo

I just imagine Haru laughing his ass off while taking this picture 🤣

[nerdlvr]

jisung knew that something was wrong with you since the moment you stepped foot in front of him. don't get him wrong, you're 100% his type, hot. but he could tell that behind that smart ass mouth, something something was off about you. he felt like he had seen this behavior somewhere he just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

.

when you had come out of your dorm building he had leaned in for a hug, typical greeting, and you just walked right past him a loud come on leaving you lips as you walked towards the parking lot. maybe you just hadn't seen him.

.

in the car he had reached over to grab your thigh as the traffic light turned red, to which you immediately slapped his hand away with your purse before throwing him a dirty look,

"watch your hands park jisung."

okay fair enough. maybe he was getting a little handsy too soon.

.

as you both sat in burger king, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips as you glared holes through his head, he playfully picked up a french fry pressing it to your lips so you'd eat. his mouth hung open as he watched the fry fly out of his hand onto the floor. you bent down to pick up the fried potato from the floor a small laugh leaving your lips,

"ha, sorry, saw a fly on it."

hm, wouldn't want you eating a fly right?

.

it was about time he dropped you off, jeno's voice ringing in his head, do not sleep with her park jisung. so instead he opted for a small kiss. you'd think for 50 bucks an hour and free dates you'd at least give him a peck. so as you both stood in the lobby of your dorm he did what any guy would do, lean in. and you did what no girl has ever done to him, you pushed him away leaning back with an awkward smile on your face,

"okayyy now, i think that's enough for tonight, have a good night alright?"

but as you turned around to leave jisung couldn't help the confusion that filled him, reaching forward to grab your shoulder, turning you to face him.

"jisung? what is it?"

"what do you mean what is it? what is wrong with you?"

he watched as your eyebrows creased,

"what is wrong with me? are you actually acting out cause i won't kiss you goodnight? what are you a toddler?"

jisung let out a dry laugh raising his hands in defense,

"ohhh so you think this is cause of the kiss?"

you nodded as he let out a sigh, why are you such a-

"you've been great y/n! I even like your bratty attitude! and wow you're also super hot too! it's like you're the full package, but oh my god what is wrong with you?"

you blinked slowly as you waited for him to continue, where was he going with this?

"you think i haven't noticed? i try to give you a hug, oh okay you're walking the other way. i try to touch your thigh, alright maybe that was too much on my part. i try to feed you a fry, suddenly there's an invisible fly. you even pretended to need two hands to hold that flimsy ass bouquet i got you!"

you gulped,

"i just-"

you waved your hands around trying to find an excuse.

"you just what y/n? you're supposed to act like my girlfriend. what are you some lame ass virgin? you act like you've never even sat next to a man!"

you bit the inside of your cheek as you fidgeted from one foot to another, looking down at your shoes.

"wait-"

you felt his hand on your chin, bringing your head up to look at him. you tried your best to not flinch away from his touch, holding your breath.

"y/n have you actually never touched a guy?"

you slapped his hand away, taking a deep breath,

"so what? is it so bad that not all of us are whores like you?”

he let out a scoff,

“whore? at least i’m not a twenty something year old virgin! do you even touch yourself?”

“park jisung! you- that’s none of your business! you’re the one paying for a girlfriend! who’s the real loser?”

he gave you a look saying okay but you’re still a virgin.

“whatever! thanks for the- the burger! get home safe! i’ll be expecting some form of payment for our first couple argument!”

you rushed away from him not even sparing him a glance as you furiously pressed on the elevator button. he just watched as you left no longer finding the words to describe his shock.

no way he bagged himself a virgin.

ᡣ𐭩 ｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅rent-a-girlfriend.com ~ 5. something is off...

previous ~ masterlist ~ next

notes : i just love writing fuckboys with dumb ass ideas. unlike the mark one this dumbass plan is just adding to the plot it won't be the major issue in the smau... guys in the chat write one k-idol that you wouldn't mind being a villain LMAOOOO

taglist : @bunniin , @neverbeurs , @fakeuwus , @girlz4jaem , @222brainrot , @mystverse , @sk8mrk , @ksywoo , @snowyseungs , @nislost , @nosungluv , @jae-n0 , @peterm4rker , @livingdoll-hara , @doejaejung , @tommina , @413ktz , @aerivrs , @cyjzzl , @dolleyedgirl , @nneteyamss , @mrkleelvr , @4chensungs , @nctrawberries , @multifandomania , @catpjimin , @dudekiss3r , @lvrholic , @yuujiswrld , @slayhaechan , @catdonut657 , @kodasity , @prettybluei , @ohwowzersthatscool , @byeonwooseokabs , @m1ng1swife , @hyucksunset , @rksbae , @hyucktion , @lionzyon , @baobeii55 , @jakesbubu , @axo-l0tl , @sunghoonsgfreal , @strawberrysavi , @hyunjungjae , @xyzsiissnnsnsjs , @kookssecret , @babrieeee , @defzcl

[stellaaarree]

some atsv characters with a reader that dresses bimbo, w/ the makeup and nails ect :)

MIGUEL

instantly your gonna get called “diva”.

loves the opposites looks though

he pays for all your expensive mini skirts.

insert miguel’s shocked face. “mi amor?! this skirt is the size of a belt! £35 for a piece of stripped fabric?? dios mío.” he groans, swiping his card at the register.

will just lean in the door way watching you do your makeup. loves it nowhere near as much as your natural face but if you’re happy hes ecstatic (secretly. we all know he has to keep the badass exterior.)

occasionally pulls your skirt down a little so it’s covering more. that place is only for him to see >:(!

sugar daddy vibes. dropping you off at the nail salon and picking you up all fancy with your starbucks order in hand😚😚

MILES

is way too scared to touch you in fear of messing up your pretty hair or makeup.

ADORES EVERYTHING.

something about you getting cold in your skimpy pink outfit and his black hoodie is going over your shoulder gets him giggling. everyone knows it’d have to be his.

asks his parents for money so he can pay for your nails😭😭

you assure him that he doesn’t have to pay and when he’s not allowed money he’s the one that swipes your card so it looks like its his. delusional king.

will 100% have your starbucks order memorised and when he hears you say for the first time just pauses with a “…how did you say all of that in the span of ten seconds?..”

brags 100%. if he has his other friends round his place and you’ve left one of your bright pink shirts there will go, “oh! sorry guys don’t mind the pink shirt over there.” knowing damn well he doesn’t wear pink..nor baby tees.

GWEN

you’re the reason she dyed the ends of her hair pink. always has a bit of your sweetness around🫶🏻

shopping sprees!!! then after y’all go to mcdonalds and she’s tucking napkins over your shirt so the sauce doesn’t ruin it.

feeding you fries so your lipstick doesn’t smudge.

genuinely just loves to be up close with you.

she’s taking out your perfectly clipped and bumped up hair at the end of the day. being oh so gentle as your head falls asleep by her shoulder.

when you go to her place she empties out all the things she feels you’d like from her closet and now you have your own drawer. spare makeup, hair clips, a mini straightener and her brightly coloured hoodies and jumpers.

y’all share socks. shut up its cute!!!!!!!

she’s got ones with stars scattered on them and you’ve got hearts on yours.

HOBIE

as we’ve noted, he doesn’t believe in consistency so the stark contrast between you two is adorable.

always holding your hand, thumb going over the 3d details on your nails.or he’s straight up staring at the glittery gloss as you talk while making hand gestures.

‘darlin’ and doll’ are now your new names.

you give him hair inspo and he gives you hair inspo😭😭

has a special pink guitar pic that he uses when you’re around!!!!

absolutely enamoured with your nails, you know the questions coming. the dreaded question.

when y’all are comfy, cuddling he speaks the dreaded moment. “doll, …how’d you wipe your arse with those.” and the cute moment is ruined. you obviously where not gonna share your struggles so you hit him back with the “girls don’t poop, idiot.”

PETER B PARKER

when you babysit mayday she always comes back with painted nails + toes. peter always having the same question. “how’d you get her to stay still for that long?!” with a smile you reply. “she makes exceptions for her favourite.”

if you guys are eating and sauce or something gets on your painted lips, he doesn’t even mention it. just straight away wiping it off and going back to the conversation at hand.

is the main funder for your clothes.

miguel and him fight over it all the time. miguel’s usual comeback “spoil your own kid! this ones mine!” and peter rolling his eyes.

peters the kinda guy to fund your usual things. his price range going from £5 - £25. as it happens more oftens.

miguels on the other hand. £35 - £200. and it obviously is a rare occasion.

to give extra thanks to peter you’d kiss his cheek. leaving a pink kiss stain behind and him proudly showing it off.

obsessed with the style. he’s a pretty chill guy so when asking you to come down to the store with him and you walk out in full glam, plans change. “yeah, no, we’re going to dinner instead. cmon pretty.” there was no option that was an order😭

you guys ended up stealing the pink coasters at the restaurant.

BONUS!! you’re maydays personal stylist. nails, done, hair? done, needing an outfit? done. and she sits still and pretty the whole time. completely shocking everyone else how you’ve kept her quiet. she just focuses on your pretty glittered eyelids as your big fluffy lashes bat at her sweetly🫶🏻🫶🏻

you after atsv spoils you rotten😭😭

[i-smoke-chapstick]

Okay so like as I’m writing this, tomorrow is my birthday (I’m gonna be 19 😭) and I was wondering if I could get some birthday headcanons with the legion of horribles (poly but platonic) + (separately) zsasz?🥺

You don’t have to finish this on my birthday so I understand if it will take time but if you can do it that would be wonderful! Don’t feel pressured though!

Thank you so much Cupid!^^🫂

'400 LUX,

-GOTHAM!VILLIANS X READER-

⋆ Characters ↬ Oswald Cobblepot, Jerome Valeska, Bridgit Pike, Jervis Tetch, Jonathan Crane, Victor Fries, Victor Zsasz

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; Birthday HCs with the Legion of Horribles! (+ romantic zsasz)

⋆ tags/warnings. GOTHAM!villains x female reader. PURE FLUFF! They adore reader so so so much! Reader turning 19 :> Age gap for Zsasz! All seven of these idiots. Good luck reader, you will need it!! Suggestive parts in Zsasz's. Reader probably drinking too much tea to be healthy. Also sorry I'm a little late with this, hectic week but happy late bday adal <3 love ya!

𝛰𝑆𝑊𝐴𝐿𝐷 𝐶𝛰𝐵𝐵𝐿𝐸𝑃𝛰𝑇

♫ “We're never done with killing time, can I kill it with you?” 400 Lux by Lorde

Number one spoiler!

No seriously, good luck. You are basically Martin #2. He's buying the most extravagant gifts, and hosting the birthday party. He's getting mad at Jervis and Jerome (anyone who can't keep there mouth shut for the surprise.)

Hectically organizing this whole mess. To his best ability. Eventually he gives up under the stress and you'll notice. Just have a little sit down with him, and he'll HAPPILY celebrate your birthday far away from everyone else.

Once you two have a minute alone, he's making you his mothers tea, telling you all about his birthdays and how she used to celebrate them with him. He really just wants to make this the best day for you possible.

Have a small little laugh with him on the couch, look at baby pictures of him around the mansion, watch him get red in the face and scowl just a teeny tiny bit.

He'll also scroll through your phone (he's horrible with technology) and look at your baby pictures too. You two end up having a good laugh and a semi-serious talk about childhood memories <3

He'll end up giving you his most personal gift when you two are alone, away from the "cretins outside" in his words.

𝐽𝐸𝑅𝛰𝑀𝐸 𝑉𝐴𝐿𝐸𝑆𝐾𝐴

♫ “We might be hollow but we're brave.” 400 Lux by Lorde

The only time he's 100 percent serious is when he's busy with the sheer EFFORT he's putting into this celebration.

Him and Oswald have conflicting ideas. Oswald wants something extravagant, royal, fit for you, like a coming of age. Jerome still wants to throw you a ball, but more like a child's dream chucky-cheese type birthday.

What do you mean he can't get a bunch of arcade machines and a ball pit delivered to the mansion? He's pouting.

He'll be DAMNED if he doesn't book the entertainment and a GIANT cake, though.

Will get Jervis to hypnotize some poor sap to dance for you. You know, if you're into that. Might kill him too if you're a little evil like him. If you aren't into that, he'll let him live. That's your gift :>

Did i say a GIANT cake? Yeah. It's massive. FUCKING MASSIVE. He probably ends up eating more of it then you guys, to be honest.

Makes sure it's your favorite flavor too.

Makes everyone sit down when it's time for cake and candles, if anyone tries to get up he's screaming at the top of his lungs.

Remember that "USE THE TONGS, CARL!" Yeah, he's channeling that energy to the hypnotized people cutting the cake and setting the table.

Fully looks at you like a successor (and like, his only real friend) so he's a bit pushy for this to go well. Not as much as Oswald, but still set on making this a good day for you. He just isn't as overt.

𝐵𝑅𝐼𝐷𝐺𝐼𝑇 𝑃𝐼𝐾𝐸

♫ “And the heating comes on.” 400 Lux by Lorde

Poor baby has never seen, attended, or had a birthday party in her life. It's new for her, it's intriguing. She loves this little strange family you guys have created.

You are LITERALLY her little sister, the only sibling she truly sees as her own!

It's obligatory for her to light the birthday candles (and almost burn the mansion down, chaos ensues)

Similar to Oswald, she gives you one intimate gift. Something she knows you'll love, something personal. You're favorite flowers, gems, or even a nod to an inside joke.

Arguing with Victor (Fries) about who has the better gift and who you like more.

When the day is nearing it's end, she volunteers to clean up to have some time alone with you. Everyone else is winding down, but you and her will get to talk like two best friends.

It's the only time she feels like a normal teenage girl. Just gossiping with you while putting Jerome's confetti in trash bags.

You'll probably have a little slumber party with her in the living room, eating left-over snacks and watching TV, throwing popcorn at each other. Speaking of popcorn....

"Hey, watch this!" She's nudging you, getting you to watch her make her own popcorn kernels with her flamethrower, signature smile on her face :>

𝐽𝐸𝑅𝑉𝐼𝑆 𝑇𝐸𝑇𝐶𝐻

♫ “You drape your wrists over the steering wheel.” 400 Lux by Lorde

He was fighting tooth and nail for this to be a tea party. Still upset it's not. Ended up still hypnotizing someone to make tea for you all. Ah, Small victories.

Also? We saw him in that chauffer outfit. He will gladly be the designated driver.

Similar to the rest of them, he wants some time alone with you. So, he's hypnotizing a limo and pulling up and practically stealing you away.

Takes you on a little shopping spree. Anywhere you want to go, he'll take you there! Even if he doesn't particularly enjoy it. (cough cough, convince stores, cough cough)

Wants to take you to the tea shoppes and bakeries.

He is LITERALLY the most BUSY bee out of EVERYONE. Everyone is so obsessed with planning and whatnot, but he actually has to do EVERYTHING by himself.

Whose hypnotizing the cake maker, the gifts, the decorations, the people, the waiters? Ah, the list goes on and on. He's a bit tuckered out by the time you too are done shopping and he's off his list of errands.

Have a cup of tea with him after <3 he will be infinitely grateful to wind down with you if you find the time during the day.

Sings happy birthday obnoxiously loud for you. He also insists everyone has perfect table manners and etiquette. (Looking at you, Jerome.)

𝐽𝛰𝑁𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐴𝑁 𝐶𝑅𝐴𝑁𝐸

♫ “I can tell that you're tired.” 400 Lux by Lorde

Silent, for the most part. Will refuse to sing happy birthday, and will truly only participate if it's the two of you alone. He...doesn't work well in groups.

He's getting a slap on the wrist from everyone because of it.

He'd MUCH rather steal you away periodically through the day, to just talk to you about your childhood. Congratulate you. He's happy for you, but he's a little scared you're getting older.

Very protective. Always. No matter what.

You might hear him laugh a bit, joke around with you, just simply checking the surroundings and chaos from Jerome.

If you are someone who prefers things more lowkey, you'll find yourself spending the majority of the day with Jonathan. Eventually you two will just pass by each other every now and then, and share a brief respite from the bustling outside.

You are TRULY his best friend. He wants to make this day as good for you as everyone else does. He just doesn't know where to start.

He'll probably end up giving you your favorite gift out of EVERYONE.

Doesn't matter what it is. He'll know. It will be intimate, genuine, and a very heartfelt message on the bottom of a card attached.

"Love you, Y/N." -Jonathan

Okay, not SUPER heartfelt at first look, but for him? It's as close as you'll get to him being vulnerable.

𝑉𝐼𝐶𝑇𝛰𝑅 𝐹𝑅𝐼𝐸𝑆

♫ “We're getting good at this.” 400 Lux by Lorde

Jerome puts him on ice-cream duty and he's reasonably grumpy.

No, but genuinely, this is a VERY special day for him. He's a VERY proud dad!

Always wanted to have kids with Nora. Never got a chance. You really are his second chance at happiness, and he loves you so much. He gets to live out everything he thought he'd never be able too.

Wants to get more involved, but gets a little pushed out between Jerome and Oz.

Jerome probably makes him make ice sculptures. Or Ozzie asks him to freeze the body of your enemies. Perfect gift!

Similar to Jonathan, likes to keep things more lowkey. He'll sneak in a pseudo father daughter bonding moment, even if you don't know.

"So, uh, you're staying out trouble, right?"

He's asking, nudging you when you two finally get a moment alone. His voice comes out in a mumble, obviously not very experienced in this role of being a father. But he can't help it.

Overprotective dad scowling at Zsasz, you know, to get the point across. Zsasz staring riiiiiiight back.

"Just so you know...if you break her heart, I'm freezing yours." Victor #1 says, with a clicking sound, and a raise of his gun.

Victor #2 raises a non-existent eyebrow, and lifts his own gun in return. "Of course..." He drawls. The idle threats are there.

𝑉𝐼𝐶𝑇𝛰𝑅 𝑍𝑆𝐴𝑆𝑍

♫ “You pick me up and take me home again / We're hollow like the bottles that we drain.” 400 Lux by Lorde

He's a loving boyfriend, you just have to get through his layers throughout the day!

Of course, he's your ride to and from the mansion. Driving with him, his hand on your thigh, disco music. Waking you up with kisses and birthday sex

He's grumbling just a bit everyone else wants to steal you away. Que him being a sassy boyfriend, rolling his eyes.

He ends up just standing around the mansion most of the day, sneaking bites of pastries or making idle conversation with the terrified waiters, while you are out with Jervis. He doesn't mind. It's your day. He is more then happy, this is his element. A whole day dedicated to his girl, and free food? Sign him up.

In contrast to everyone, he's the only person to give you a gag gift. Surprisingly, Jerome takes this too seriously to give you one. Victor doesn't, though. He'll give you a whole bunch of small gag gifts, just to see that beautiful smile on your face.

He'll end up getting you a real gift though. Something precious, gorgeous, elegant. Something absolutely killer. Black onyx necklace? Yes. You'll feel the leather of his gloves on your neck while he puts it on you.

Doesn't care if ANYONE looks at the two of you weirdly for the age gap. In fact, he'll become even MORE affectionate. Y'know, just to piss people off.

Speaking of age, he doesn't care you aren't 21 just yet. He's 100% sneaking the two of you some alcohol to drink. (Not without teasing you, of course, for being a downright horrible criminal!)

Oswald, Victor Fries, and Jervis don't appreciate you drinking. They are too protective. But Zsasz doesn't gaf what they say :>

[rottenpumpkin13]

Shinra Floor New Year’s party from hell pretty plz? 🥺

The New Year's Resolution Challenge

• Sephiroth and Genesis arrive at the ballroom. Both of them are dressed in the exact same blue suit.

Sephiroth: Happy new year, director.

• Lazard doesn't reply. He takes one look at them, spits out his drink and starts laughing.

Genesis: Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. We didn't coordinate this, you know!

Lazard: You look like two penguins—

Sephiroth: We coincidentally had the same suit and chose to wear it tonight.

Genesis: And we could not decide who got to wear it, so we gave up trying to settle the issue.

• Rufus Shinra walks by also wearing the same suit. Lazard absolutely loses his shit.

• Reno and Rude swing by, both with cameras and starts taking pictures of the trio. The camera flash is so strong, Sephiroth is blinded and topples onto Genesis. The two start squabbling on the floor. Reno takes more pictures.

• Lazard watches all of this go down. He looks at his drink sadly.

Lazard: I'm going to need something stronger.

• Later, Zack and Angeal are arguing as they walk up to the table.

Zack: You're so pessimistic!

Angeal: No, I'm not. I just think making "eat healthier" your new year's resolution when your favorite food is a deep-fried donut bacon sandwich is useless.

Genesis: What are you two on about?

Zack: Angeal doesn't think I can keep my new year's resolution! I want to eat healthier food. *he takes a bite out of his fifteenth slider*

Genesis: And I want a robot who slaps Sephiroth on command. Doesn't look like either of us are getting our wish.

Sephiroth: Zack, if you want to keep your new year's resolution, why don't you start tonight? That way, you can assess how well you'll be able to keep it.

Zack: You know what? You're right! *he throws his slider over his shoulder⏤it hits Heidegger on the back of his head* I'm starting now! From now on, no more junk food! I'm a changed ma⏤wait, look! They just brought out the cake!

Sephiroth: Zackary.

Zack: Fine, fine. You're right! I don't need cake!

Angeal: Actually, that's a great idea. Why don't we all start our new year's resolutions tonight?

Genesis: Oh-ho! Do I hear a challenge? The loser who can't keep his resolution until midnight owes everyone else G$1000.

Angeal: The only reason you're so keen on putting money in this is because you don't have a new year's resolution.

Genesis: How can I be any better than I am now?

*Everyone starts talking over each other giving suggestions*

Genesis: Okay OKAY I get it! Goddess!

Sephiroth: My new year's resolution is to be more approachable and friendlier.

Angeal: Mine is to not get stressed out too easily.

Genesis: And I'll take a vow of silence! One whole night without quoting Loveless nor speaking at all⏤

Sephiroth: FINALLY.

*Everyone looks at him*

Sephiroth: I mean *clears his throat* That sounds like a wonderful idea.

• Later, Zack and Angeal are hanging around the buffet table. Angeal is admiring the fruit display (mostly the pyramid of Banora Whites) while Zack looks longingly at the mini hotdogs.

Angeal: Why don't you have some fruit? Zack: Good idea!

• Zack reaches for one of the dumbapples at the bottom of the pyramid. Immediately the display crumbles and crashes to the ground. Over 100 apples roll around all over the place. Angeal goes red in the face and opens his mouth to scold Zack.

Zack: Ah-ah! You can't get mad at me!

*Angeal's eye twitches*

• Meanwhile, Genesis and Sephiroth are walking around the party. Genesis is silently reading his book, trying his best not to talk. They approach Kunsel and a few other SOLDIERs. Sephiroth grins big and wide.

• The SOLDIERs scream and run away.

Sephiroth: What's wrong with my smile? *Genesis opens his mouth to respond, but then the realization dawns on him. He clamps it shut again*

Sephiroth: Hm. I bet you're dying to make fun of me.

Genesis:

Sephiroth: If only someone would point out every single critical flaw of mine.

*A thick blue vein appears on Genesis's forehead*

• Meanwhile, Lazard is showing Angeal some deep breathing exercises.

Lazard: Relax, inhale. Imagine you're walking on a beach...

• A football flies in out of nowhere and hits Angeal in the face, knocking him down. Kunsel rushes up to him.

Kunsel: Apologies! Me and the guys were messing around!

Angeal: *eye twitching* It is fine.

Kunsel: You're blue.

Angeal: IT IS FINE.

• Meanwhile, Zack is watching Reno load up his plate with steak, fries and fried chicken. He's salivating.

Reno: Dude, one slice of pizza won't kill you. It's all about moderation.

Zack: No way! I'm a changed man. I don't need all that heart-attack food to be happy.

*Reno takes a bite out of a chicken wing*

*Zack immediately starts sobbing*

• Meanwhile, Sephiroth and Genesis are back at their table. Sephiroth has Genesis's copy of Loveless in hand and is reciting it wrong on purpose. Genesis is slamming his head on the table.

Sephiroth: Hath the shattered dreams of the morrow.

*BANG*

Sephiroth: Wings are lost, dreams stripped away.

*BANG*

Sephiroth: Mystery in infinite is the goddess of the gift.

*BANG*

Sephiroth: Two friends go into battle. Three of them die.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

• Meanwhile, Angeal is under a table meditating. There's ten minutes to go until midnight. He just has to last ten more minutes.

• Suddenly, there's a commotion outside. Angeal slips his head out to see that Zack has attacked president Shinra. Apparently, the president had a 20lb lobster delivered to his table and Zack went feral. Four turks are trying and failing to pull Zack away from the lobster meat on the president's plate.

• Zack has failed his new year's resolution.

• Angeal rushes out. "I TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T DO IT! LET GO⏤LET GO OF THE MAN'S LOBSTER, ZACK! ARE YOU GROWLING AT ME!? THAT'S IT *He slips his shoe off to use it as a weapon*

• Angeal has failed his new year's resolution.

• Meanwhile, Sephiroth and Genesis approach Tseng and Rufus. Sephiroth is smiling.

Sephiroth: Good evening, gentlemen. I hope you're having a wonderful new year's eve. How are you both?

Tseng: I'm well, Sephiroth, thank you. You're being awfully sociable,

Sephiroth: It's my new year's resolution.

Tseng: You're doing a good job!

• Rufus notices Genesis's silence.

Rufus: What about you, Rhapsodos? What's your goal for the new year?

Genesis:

Rufus: Do you understand my question?

Genesis:

Rufus: Oh, have I upset you? Are you mad at me?

Sephiroth: Genesis is just shy because he has feelings for you.

*Genesis snaps his head towards him, then looks at Rufus, shaking his head violently*

Rufus: ....Is that so?

Sephiroth: Oh, yes. He's just gone on and on about how attractive and charming he finds you.

Rufus: I had no idea you felt like this, Commander.

*Genesis is glaring at Sephiroth. If looks could kill, Sephiroth would be slaughtered*

Rufus: You don't need to be shy around me, Genesis. We can talk about this like men.

Sephiroth: That would be hard to do. Genesis claims to feel emasculated around me. It appears that my⏤quote⏤strong, unyielding masculine energy provokes his inferiority complex.

*Genesis is turning purple*

Tseng: There's nothing to be ashamed of, Genesis. We all have our flaws, you especially.

• Genesis inhales.

Genesis: THAT'S IT! I DON'T NEED THIS! I DON'T NEED THIS AT ALL. I'LL PAY YOU EACH 1000 GIL! HECK, I'LL PAY YOU 10,000 GIL EACH IF IT MEANS I'LL NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!

*he turns to Tseng*

Genesis: HOW DARE YOU CLAIM I HAVE FLAWS. MY FLAWS ARE MY BUSINESS, YOU INSUFFERABLE LAP-DOG!

*he turns to Rufus*

Genesis: AND PLEASE! I AM SO OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE! HOW DARE YOU BELIEVE ALL THAT RUBBISH! THE ONLY FEELINGS I HARBOR FOR YOU, RUFUS, ARE CONTEMPT AND PITY!

*he turns to Sephiroth*

Genesis: WHENEVER YOU SMILE, YOU LOOK LIKE THE SHARK FROM FINDING NEMO!

Sephiroth:

Genesis: AND ME, FEEL EMASCULATED AROUND YOU? YOU, WITH YOUR GIRLY HAIR AND QUADRUPLE-D CHEST?? YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

Genesis: NOW, IF YOU GENTLEMEN WILL EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO GRAB A MICROPHONE, GET UP ON THAT STAGE, AND TALK FOR AN HOUR!

• Genesis stomps off angrily.

Tseng: He needs an exorcism.

Rufus: By the way, Sephiroth, why did you instruct the turks to deliver a 20lb lobster to the president's table?

Tseng: And why did you have me suggest to Angeal that he meditate under the table right across from the president's?

Sephiroth: Because I am a mastermind.

[sarahghetti]

going to the carnival hcs; m.k.

pairing: marc spector x reader, steven grant x reader, jake lockley x reader, the gang's all here

summary: the carnival's in town! some headcanons for how you spend your time there with the boys.

warnings: mildly suggestive near the end, but essentially just pure fluff all the way through. reader is called princesa once, no descriptions otherwise.

word count: 2.0k

moon knight masterlist | all masterlists

the carnival rolls into town—of course you’re all going!

and it’s kind of perfect because they all have their favourite parts.

food

marc is your food guy—he won’t be the one to suggest the funky fair foods like frog legs or peanut putter pickle corn dogs, but he will go halfsies with you on anything you want to get so you can try a lot of different things.

you’re giving this look to the deep fried oreos stand that has marc pursing his lips, obviously hesitant even though he offers no resistance when you direct the two of you towards it.

“if you want cookies, I saw a place near the entrance,” he suggests in a placating sort of way, as though he could dissuade you from trying any of the monstrosities at your disposal.

“but…” you gesture at the sign, look at it! and he’s never been more aware of how much you’ve got him wrapped around your little finger because he’s buying an order for you without a second thought.

“it’s… very sweet,” he remarks after his first bite. “not sure if it’s much of an improvement on the original thing.”

“then why do you keep eating it?” you make grabby hands towards the tray in his hand to try one, and he dangles it out of your reach. “wha—hey!”

“just hang on a sec.” he polishes off his cookie, tongue darting out to catch some errant sugar on his lips before pulling you deep into a kiss.

he’s grinning wide at his own cheesiness before he even draws back completely, your face is burning and, yeah—it’s pretty sweet.

meanwhile steven kind of taps out for this. veganism doesn’t exactly pair well with the hodgepodge of carnival foods being offered, but he will take a good sorbet when it gets particularly hot out.

if he fronts after marc or jake eat something non-vegan, steven will find the nearest lemonade stand to wash the taste out of his mouth. he gets a different one every time, and almost drinks the entire bubblegum flavoured lemonade even though he dislikes it.

jake secretly thinks it’s good. marc fronts again near the end of the cup and immediately tosses it in the trash.

jake has simpler tastes but will try to deviate a little in spirit of the carnival. as long as it’s generally something he likes, like fried chicken or a burger, he won’t mind if it comes in a cone or has a shit-ton of cheese piled on top. is the one to pay eight dollars for a cob of corn.

games

marc and steven will only play the fair game scams if you want to, but jake has no qualms about them at all. you mention that there’s a prize plushie you think is cute and he’s already pulling you towards the booth, eyes glinting in a way that you know he’s up to trouble.

jake then proceeds to crush every single game you come across.

skeeball? he’s getting 100 points with every ball he throws. hoops? draft this man into the nba, he’s sinking baskets like your life depends on it.

jake’s bracing a pellet gun against his shoulder, lining up the scope with the targets at the end of the booth when it finally clicks.

he might not be wearing the suit, but that doesn’t mean that khonshu isn’t with him. you lean in over his shoulder. “wait, are you—?”

bam, bam, bam. three shots, three bullseyes. the people around you are whooping and hollering, but jake just turns to you with a smug look on his face.

“didn’t even need him for this one, princesa, but—” his eyes dart to the top of the booth and you can imagine the god sitting up there, watching you. “what is true justice if not scamming a scammer, hm?”

the attendant comes around to give jake his prize, which he presents to you with flourish and a wink.

“now, is there anything else you want? the fist of vengeance—” he drops his voice down to what you know as an imitation of khonshu “—still has a few games left in him.”

marc fronts again to find his wallet much lighter and his arms full of plushies that jake won for you and just sighs.

steven must’ve read a book about the design behind carnival games at some point because boy is he knowledgeable about it.

it’s a bit of diversion from his usual egyptology, but he seems to know all the tricks of the major games like the back of his hand and leans in close to your ear to tell you exactly what’s happening as you watch other people play.

“you see that?” he points towards the ring toss booth, where a handful of people are fruitlessly bouncing rings off the rims of bottles.

you already know what’s coming but still, you ask: “do you wanna play?”

“oh, no, love, now the rings—” he brings the tips of his forefinger and thumb together in demonstration “—they’re barely big enough to fit over the bottles, you’d have to hit it dead on to have a chance. even then, the material isn’t any help, the rings’ll bounce right off like—that!”

he snaps his fingers, and you giggle a little at his theatrics. the sound always makes him blush a little, and he turns back to the game to distract himself before he gets too flustered.

someone puts down twenty dollars for a bucket of rings and he clicks his tongue in disapproval. “poor buggers.”

maybe he says it a little too loudly, catching the attention of some of the players and his face flushes red as he stammers an apology. you shove him playfully, face similarly burning. “steven!”

“sorry!”

the only exception for marc is the horizonal bar game, you know, the one where someone has to hang from a bar for some length of time? it’s practically impossible because it rotates under your hands, yeah, yeah, steven—he knows.

but marc’s a guy with far above average fitness who climbs up walls on the reg. doesn’t even need khonshu’s power to beat it, he just hangs up there, smirking at you as the timer counts down. it’s the easiest prize he’s ever won in his life.

rides

marc’s whole life is a rollercoaster, so he’s ok.

but in all seriousness, the midway rides aren’t really his thing. they’re transported in from who-knows-where, then set up in a parking lot by who-knows-who, and you’re supposed to just let them flip you upside down over and over again while paying ten bucks for the honour? no. he does not trust them.

steven and jake, however, see all the bright lights and loud music and are a little more favourable.

steven probably feels nauseous at the idea of being put upside down, but travelling fast in a circle, or spinning around in teacups? he’s so down. will join you in spinning the teacups to the max or sport a devilish grin as he singlehandedly spins the teacup as you scream.

(will give you a lil kiss on the forehead as an apology if he accidentally takes it too far)

jake sees the crazier rides as a challenge. won’t push you to do them if you really aren’t comfortable, but he gets this spark in his eyes and promises to keep you safe if you ride with him.

what does that mean? it means that he has full confidence that if there’s a failure in any of the safety mechanisms, he can suit up and save you before anything bad happens.

marc is absolutely flabbergasted that jake “protector of the body” lockley even considers going on any of these deathtraps. loudly protests from within as jake tells you about how fast his reaction time is—it doesn’t matter, jake, just don’t take them on the ride in the first place!

the Ferris Wheel SceneTM goes a bit differently depending on who’s fronting at the time.

steven absolutely insists on going on the ferris wheel and will wait any length of line so that you can ride it.

“look at that!” he’s pressed against your side, shoulder to hip, and uses your joined hands to point out landmarks in the distance as you climb in height. the city lights glitter across the horizon, and steven laughs at the spectacle of it all.

he’s probably imagined this very moment happening ever since you told him that the carnival was coming to town—sitting on top of a ferris wheel with you at his side, being able to kiss you at the top.

“did you have fun?” you bump into his shoulder, smiling at how happy he looks.

“fun? love, this is—” he shakes his head. “today has been like a dream. you’re like a dream.”

he says the last part like a confession, grinning, and you feel his happiness when he finally gets to press his lips to yours.

jake suggests you go on the ferris wheel in the same way as when he suggested the two of you cheat at the carnival games, so you’re immediately suspicious.

“stop looking at me like that.” he tries and fails to keep a smirk off his face, giving you an innocent look as he rests a hand on your knee. “isn’t it beautiful outside?”

it is. you take your eyes off him for one moment to admire the view and his hand creeps higher, fingertips pressing into your thigh.

“jake!” your eyes widen, and the bastard has the audacity to laugh. he leans in close, lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

“nobody can see us up here—it’s just you and me.” his lips move down to graze your jaw, and your breath catches in your throat. your heart flutters.

“I like the sound of that.” jake pulls back slightly to see the small smile on your face. “’you and me.’”

it’s like you’ve taken the wind out of his horny sails. he can’t help but to smile back, and when he kisses you again, on the lips this time, you know that he agrees with you.

the ferris wheel is the only ride you can convince marc to go on; no matter what he says, he’s a big softie at heart.

he keeps an arm wrapped around you the entire time, holding you close. the scent of him envelopes you like a warm blanket.

marc doesn’t say a lot, preferring to just enjoy your company as you slowly make your way to the top. you don’t mind—you just rest your head on his shoulder and wait for him to open up on his own.

when you stop at the top, it’s like you’re in a movie. the neon lights spread out beneath you, your quiet breaths in the cabin, the soft kiss he presses to the top of your head.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and it means so much more than you’ll ever know. you smile up at him and he looks back at you with the softest expression you’ve ever seen—like he’s at finally at peace, and you’re the reason why.

you can’t help but kiss him, then—let him taste the words as you say “I love you, too.”

[fernsnailz]

January 2024 Review Roundup

hello everypony‼️ something i want to do through 2024 is a mini review series where i recap some of the media i watched/played/read at the end of every month. this was inspired by tumblr user ponett’s 2023 media wrap-up, it's a great collection of quick reviews so go check it out!

i’m doing this partially as writing/analysis practice, but mostly because my memory is really bad and i want to keep track of what i've seen this year. with that said, my thoughts on everything i finished in january 2024 is under the cut :]

Portal 1 + 2

yyyup i beat Portal and it only took me (checks watch) 13 years

the first time i played Portal 2 was at a friend’s house when i was in middle school, and i had a fuckin blast. but after all that time... it still holds up! i don’t think anything i have to say about Portal will be particularly new since people have been praising this series since it came out. the writing, the level design, even the controls feel tight and engaging the whole way through. i played on switch and expected a bit of jank, but i was pleasantly surprised at how smooth it felt to play. the only part that dragged for me were the levels through the old aperture labs, but i think i would like them a lot more on a second replay. Portal 2 is fantastic and one of my new favorite games, the artistry behind it is truly incredible and i’m really glad i finally finished it. while i was playing Portal 2, i described Glados and Wheatly to a friend and said “they’re like if a ceiling fan could be passive aggressive and if Fozzie Bear was an evil golf ball”

I Think You Should Leave

finally. i can truly understand and appreciate Subspace Dubbed Over

i think one of my favorite things about I Think You Should Leave is how it utilizes horror. beyond sitting slack-jawed in disbelief at the crazy events unfolding before my eyes, a number of the sketches dipped into bits that genuinely kinda scared me. like the one sketch that circulates on here where the guy (pig?) in a mask crawls through a dog door, which is. genuinely terrifying. but so many of the other sketches have slow, nerve-racking pacing leading to crazy shit that would be perfect in a horror film were the context different. idk i like dissecting how horror and comedy are essentially the same thing and I Think You Should Leave was very good at enabling that <3 favorite sketches are probably “then let my wife eat the damn receipt” and “55 BURGERS 55 HOTDOGS 100 FRIES 100 TATER TOTS”

Sonic Prime Season 3

man. ohhhh man. i didn’t go into this with high expectations and i still feel let down. Sonic Prime Season 3 was definitely my least favorite “season” of the batch - abysmal pacing, very few character moments i actually enjoyed, and the things i praised about the show felt very underutilized through these episodes. Nine is the shining star of Sonic Prime and i was looking forward to seeing his more villainous side, but his character took such a sharp turn into pure evil and it felt like he spent the entire season repeating the same three lines. and as much as i praise Shadow’s writing in Prime, it doesn’t really matter when he spends half of the season trapped in a hole that he just… runs out of later.

lastly, i cannot stop thinking about how bad the pacing of this season is. three episodes for a repetitive final battle feels like such a waste of time when you see just how much they rush the emotional resolutions in the last episode. however, there is one thing i truly love about Sonic Prime Season 3 - i love the Sails and Mangey fakeout death. it's so fucking funny. like you really expect me to believe that two cartoon animals in this Y-7 rated show EXPLODED?????? absolute comedy gold.

overall, i just… don’t really know what to think of Sonic Prime. anything i enjoyed in the show was often fleeting, and much of it felt like its only purpose was to waste my time. also Rouge i can’t believe they did you so dirty oh my god

Ghost Trick

i was so proud that i figured out the secret behind Sissel’s memory loss like halfway through the game. however i also kept getting caught during the prison escape sequence like an idiot

Ghost Trick is in a similar situation as Portal where 1. it’s incredible and one of my new favorite games, and 2. there’s nothing i can really say about it that hasn’t already been said or just. shouldn’t be said. Ghost Trick is a fantastic mystery game, and because of that i think it’s best to go into its story as blind as possible. the narrative unfolds in such fascinating ways - even though the actual object manipulation gameplay isn’t directly about solving the mystery (like in Ace Attorney or other mystery games), it still ties wonderfully into the story in some incredibly unique ways.

i also really love the artstyle of Ghost Trick - i love 2D character artwork with that sharp lineweight, it reminded me a lot of Sonic Battle (another game with an artstyle i love). i was also really impressed by the 3D character models and animation - despite the limitations of the camera, you get a wonderful sense of everyone’s personality from the limited body language expressed in the overworld (even though the models lack much facial expression which. i guess they don’t really need? idk that was the only thing that threw me off). anyways yeah everyone should play Ghost Trick so Ghost Trick fans can be freed from their curse and talk about it without having to tag like 10 different spoiler tags. and for Missile

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

ok bear with me. i went into Scott Pilgrim Takes Off without reading the comics first. and i fuckin loved it

my understanding of Scott Pilgrim before SPTO was mostly from the movie (I KNOW I’M SORRY), but even with my base understanding of the series i really enjoyed this show for what it was. i found myself appreciating the time they dedicated to further develop every single character in the show - especially Ramona. she’s fantastic as the lead, i really loved watching her reconcile with her exes and seeing all of them grow instead of exploding into coins. my favorite episode was probably the one with her and Roxie - not only did i adore the movie-jumping set pieces, but you really understand the weight of Ramona’s mistakes in their past relationship and how much it hurt Roxie. despite the big climactic fight, the flashbacks are quiet, subtle, heartbreaking. Ramona’s apology is genuine, and it feels so wonderful to watch her confront her past throughout the show. also i think it’s really funny that for all these characters to become the best versions of themselves, they had to kill off Scott for most of the story

and holy shit the artstyle and animation. oh my god. i love watching something that makes me immediately go “i need to see the storyboards for this RIGHT NOW.” SPTO is such a visual delight to watch, it elevates the artstyle of the comics while also keeping what makes that style so appealing - i love the line weight on the characters, i love how much forward energy the animation has, i love the fucking. virtual boy section. as soon as i found out Science Saru was also behind Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken, everything made immediate sense. i was destined to love this show.

another worry i had going into SPTO (besides the fact that i hadn’t read the comics lol) is that the original cast from the movie was returning. i think the movie cast is fine, but i wasn’t sure how some of them would fare with voice acting for animation. however, i thought they all did a good job - i think the whole cast loves these characters and would be able to fit into them fairly easily no matter what form their performance takes, and they definitely had a good voice director in the studio with them. the only thing that felt off about the voice performances to me was that sometimes it sounded like some of their mics kept peaking?? idk some of these episodes i watched high as balls and i felt like i could hear and see every single sound and frame of the show. so that might have just been me.

god i did not. expect to have this much to say about Scott Pilgrim. i really loved this show and i’m currently reading the comics to fully catch up on the general Scott Pilgrim experience - i think reading the comics AFTER Takes Off is making me appreciate even more of the character work that went into the show. like they do so much with Mathew Patel in SPTO, a character that was. not originally around for a long time from what i’ve gathered? also i like the funny little robot. oh my GOD i cannot talk about this show anymore whatever it’s good get me out of here

Sword AF Season 1

i put on the Smosh cast’s D&D series to play in the background while i was drawing. i did not expect to think much of it. instead, i had one of the most enjoyable D&D podcast experiences since i listened to The Adventure Zone Balance???

i haven’t really enjoyed other D&D podcasts since i dropped off of The Adventure Zone, and i wasn’t expecting much from Sword AF of all things. then i saw that Shayne was playing as a druid warforged made of plants and his name was fucking Fernie and i sat my ass down and LISTENED. while i think Sword AF is currently lacking in its world and larger story, those things just. aren’t really what Sword AF is really trying to provide at the moment. it’s main focus is comedy, and the players are genuinely such a delight to watch play together and build off of each other. they mostly focus on bits and goofs for the sake of she show's comedic tone, but i still found it thoroughly enjoyable because every player embodies and performs their characters really well. idk Sword AF was an unexpected hit for me this month, i thought it was fun. and i love Fernie so much

Plastic Death - Glass Beach

so originally i wasn’t going to include music reviews in these roundups at all, but then i was entirely surprised by a new Glass Beach album and oh my god. holy shit. oh my fucking god jesus christ. holy shit. its preddy good

Plastic Death gets the low point of the album out of the way immediately. it starts with the “phone call/conversation audio” trope that i don’t particularly enjoy - HOWEVER despite me disliking this opening, 1. it sets up the overall themes of Plastic Death very quickly, and 2. the rest of the album blows this 40 second opening completely out of the water. from there, the album grows into something beautiful and uncontained, and i just. i really like it

Plastic Death captures the beauty of the temporary, asks what it means to be created for a cause you can’t fulfill, questions if you can reclaim yourself from cycles and constraints designed to destroy you. and is also about being transgender. the lyrics are abstract in a way that requires a conversation with the listener, many of the vocals obscured and smooth like waves - this album is definitely one that needs to be listened to a few times. i wasn’t sure how i felt about the vocal style at first before realizing the vocals were the main reason i was relistening to this album, allowing myself to find even more that i loved about it. the instrumentation is also incredible, i love the use of marimba in a number of songs - distant, eerie, almost skeletal. and the fucking. 8-bit section?? which kinda rules???? and that’s the only point in the album it ever shows up??????? incredible. a fleeting, somewhat silly moment that i love every time.

this album left my heart aching, in part from my connection to it and in part from the pure love and joy emanating from this music. i can feel just how much fun this music was to perform and create, a cohesion of time and sound that just clicked for me. Plastic Death made me miss playing music, which is something i haven’t felt in years. all from an album that starts with a conversation about CrankGameplay’s dead youtube channel. good lord

i like this album a normal amount. go listen to it a few times. my favorite tracks are cul-de-sac and commatose

Wish

i watched Wish with a couple of friends and knew i probably wasn't going to like it. with that in mind, i gave myself a challenge: i wanted to find one thing about this movie that i genuinely really loved. it could be anything, and loving it for ironic reasons was allowed.

here's the complete list of things i loved about Disney's Wish (2023):

i love the one shot where King Magnifico stirs an evil caldron evily. i thought it was hilarious. what was he cooking

i loved that the end credits included a reference to Dinosaur 2001 at all, and i loved that they paid homage to Big Hero 6 by showing the forgettable villain of that movie instead of their Baymax cashcow for some reason. my friends and i saw him show up in the credits and were like "who's the trenchcoat guy??"

you may notice that this list is very short and 50% of it is about the movie's credits. so yeah this movie is not very good

Wish is an empty husk of a movie. everything about it feels so, so hollow - lifeless town squares, uninspired character designs (to quote a friend: "i have all of these characters' hairstyles in The Sims"), characters whose existence is only justified to fill empty space or an overused archetype, and an "evil" villain who lacks charisma and spine in a futile effort to remind the audience of previous disney villains with actual character. even the artstyle lacks any sort of sauce, the watercolor effect they were trying to go for only makes the backgrounds and character textures run together, and the dull lighting makes things look even more faded. it's like disney was scared of making a movie that made its audience feel... anything. all to celebrate 100 years of Disney slop, baby!!!

Some YouTube videos I liked in January: 💥 An Exhaustive Look at Pokemon Brilliant Diamond 💥 TomSka's Guide to Plagiarism 💥 Paradise Bombed (this video is a great piece of journalism and i’m definitely not doing it justice by throwing it into the youtube vid list) 💥 Surprising Our Friends with Zoo Animals 💥 Did FNAF Ever Have a Good Story?

thanks for reading! next month’s roundup will be wild because i’ll likely be reviewing House of Leaves and Hazbin Hotel. can you guess which cursed house gives me a worse headache? WHO KNOWS! (hint: it's Hazbin Hotel)

[avocado-writing]

hey! first off, i love your writing so much.

secondly, i’d love to see an aziraphale x reader x crowley fic where the reader has some mental health issues (specifically like anxiety and depression) and they’re going through a really rough time at the moment (maybe they’re just in a really bad headspace or their meds aren’t working so they’re struggling really bad) and they just get support and comfort from aziracrow. (i’m ngl this is kind of a self indulgent ask bc i’m personally going through some bad mental health stuff rn -100/10 i do not recommend). anyways, there’s no rush at all i’m just a sucker for hurt/comfort and fluff.

hope you have an amazing day!

notes: finally getting around to clearing out my requests, sorry this took so long - I was sort of avoiding it for a while because I wasn’t in a great space either. I hope you’re doing better x

pairing: aziraphale x reader x crowley (could be read as platonic)

cw: depression/seasonal affective disorder

rating: T

It’s difficult. 

Some days it feels like the fog won’t lift. The dark months, they always get you and it’s awful - you just want to sleep for a long time and not wake up until you know it will be better. You need to get your meds adjusted, really, but the idea of going outside and dealing with people is just a little bit sickening. 

You can’t. You just can’t. 

The lethargy that can only be brought on with melancholia plagues your every waking moment. You know that you’d forget to take care of yourself if it wasn’t for the two of them. 

God knows they’re wonderful. 

Every morning you wake up to a check-in text from Crowley, gently encouraging you to shower because they’ll be over soon. You find the effort to drag yourself to the bathroom and stand under the powerful jet for long enough that you start to zone out, only leaving the enclosure of water and steam when you hear the two of them walk into your flat. 

You never gave them the key. They manage to get in anyway. 

They bring breakfast - well, Aziraphale brings breakfast, and he eats it with you to make sure that you eat at all. That can be something that you forget. Crowley watches you over the rim of his coffee cup until he’s certain you’ve had an adequate amount, and then a miracle takes care of the washing up. 

Then they’re around you for as much or as little as you want them to be, but never more than a phone call away. 

One day you find yourself crying into your fried eggs, and the two of them look aghast. In a flash they’re by your side, holding you, a hand running up and down your back in comfort. 

“My dear, what’s the matter?” Aziraphale asks, and you can hear him snap his jaw shut quickly because well, the depression is the matter. It’s so ridiculous you end up laughing through your sobs. 

“Sorry. Sorry, I’m being silly,” you manage, wiping your eyes on your sleeve. “I just… you’re so wonderful to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“None of that,” Crowley chastises you, gently, “‘course you ‘deserve it’.”

“It isn’t a burden to look after someone you care about, darling,” Aziraphale adds. 

And you can’t bring yourself to say anything more, so you just let yourself be held very tightly. 

tags: @angiestopit @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster @lxsm2 @clarina04 @wtfhasmy-lifecometo @mrgatotortuga @wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke @kimqueenofhell @chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t @am-i-obsessed---maybe @bakerstreethound@a-mediocore-writer@darktealrat @chaospossum @belilwen @rex-ray @hunterispunk

[tobyyobyy]

carl grimes headcannons because we lack of anything for him and i can (most, if not all, are just non-apocalypse headcannons):

- autistic (we are starting off strong here)

- vocally stims vines sometimes (“road work ahead? uh yeah i sure hope it does”, “look at all those chickens”, “i wanna be a cowboy baby”) (he does that last one in front of rick a lot and rick never understands it’s from vine)

- judith: “daddy?”

- carl: “DO I LOOK LIKE-?”

- glenn taught him a lot of stupid jokes like “ligma” and “joe mama” (the usual college kid jokes)

- would use the “joe mama” joke on judith a lot

- judith would retaliate with ligma jokes (“we have the same mom idiot”)

- no one knows where she learnt that one

- loved science as a kid

- switched between wanting to become a cop like rick or an astronomer

- thought about being a palaeontologist but couldn’t see himself doing it for the rest of his life

- didn’t have a lot of friends but was still liked by other kids anyways (doesn’t mean he’s popular, people are just neutral about him)

- is on a swim team

- just likes swimming in general

- MOMMA’S BOY!!!!!

- then lori died so he made that transition over to his dad…yeah

- keeps his hair long and went through that teenage grunge phase

- listens to bands like oasis, los campensinos, nirvana, foo fighters, etc etc

- his parents music taste would sneak in sometimes tho like fleetwood mac, abba (lori) bob dylan, johnny cash (rick), any 80’s songs and old country (below the 70’s)

- because of that grunge phase he’d 100% play the electric guitar

- his grandpa taught him a bit of acoustic whenever they’d visit

- he plays the acoustic sometimes for judith, or anyone in his family who asks, but mainly judith

- plays more chill songs like something you’d find in the ‘life is strange’ soundtrack (bright eyes, angus and julia stone, iron & wine) (most of those are from enid’s music taste)

- rick and michonne let him use the garage but it still drives them up the walls when he jams out with friends

- doesn’t understand the superbowl but because his dad likes it he makes an effort to watch it with him because no one else will

- jump scares any unsuspecting victim when they turn the corner of a wall

- to calm down whenever he’s stressed/overwhelmed/overstimulated he’ll either go swimming or ask his grandparents to come over (they own a farm) to ride some horses

- allergic to peanuts (not pecans because they had to eat some when they met Gabriel so)

- hates anything deep fried except for fish

- terrible in any form of skating

- roller skating? keeps slamming into the wall

- ice skating? uses those kid-balance-crutches-thingys

- he just has terrible coordination

- obviously gets worse when he looses his eye

- he’s good at bowling tho

- even tho he’s a moody teenager he’s EXTREMELY kind

- switches from sciences to arts and english in high school

- started making little family portraits drawings

- can actually understand old english/shakespeare

- makes blanket forts with judith 24/7

- actually does have a southern accent it’s just more like loris (less noticeable than ricks)

- would 100% watch minecraft youtubers

- bisexual little shit (duh)

- when he was a kid he didn’t have a fear of needles but as he grew up he just DESPISED them like shaking screaming crying and throwing up type deal

- hums a lot to judith, usually the song “baby mine”

- snapchat user

- embarrassingly so. especially when he uses the filters

- has a diary and calls it a diary not a journal

- drops trauma like it’s nothing, like a silly joke (this is basically canon but i’ll still include it in)

- headphones on 24/7 might as well be glued to his head (his ears are too small for earphones and he likes soundproof headphones anyways)

- an entire shelf in his closet is just for comics (and some comics are thin so you can imagine how many he has)

- likes reading other things too instead of just comics

- refuses to wear elastics/tie his hair up even if it gets in his way a lot

- let’s judith put silly hairclips in it

- sometimes forgets to take them out when he gets to school but he doesn’t care much

- would watch: the office, brooklyn nine-nine, the breakfast club & moral orel

[hylianengineer]

I've been having a lot of feelings about the cultural aspects of food recently. Usually, this is a topic that makes me angry because my food allergies and intolerances keep me from participating in a lot of it, but I've had a lot of more positive - if bittersweet - experiences lately.

My grandfather died of cancer just over a month ago. It doesn't feel like it's been that long - I still catch myself talking about him like he's here. But when he got the diagnosis, my sibling and I made cinnamon rolls using his mom's recipe - my great-grandma's. This is The Iconic Dessert in my family. Great-grandma Gladys was a restaurant owner and fantastic cook, and many of her recipes have outlived her by decades already, but this is everyone's favorite. Normally I make it gluten-free and vegan to accommodate various family members' dietary restrictions, but this was 100% traditional, as close to how his mom would've made it as we could manage.

It's been nearly two weeks since the funeral and I'm still eating leftovers. In Midwestern culture - and many others - when shit hits the fan, you bring food. Right after he died, everyone was bringing food to my grandma. More than she could eat, and it was a little overwhelming, but I still find the gesture sweet. Because that's just what we do in our culture. Someone dies, and we make food. So the grieving family doesn't have to. To keep our hands and minds busy. Because we have to find some way to express all the love and pain we're feeling - and so we make food. Or buy food, nowadays - my cousins showed up unannounced with Kentucky Fried Chicken, which I previously could not have imagined my grandmother eating. (She has a home economics degree and the closest she normally comes to eating fast food is Chipotle.) Desperate times and desperate measures, I guess?

One of the fondest memories I have of my grandpa during the last few months of his life is watching him eat the apple pie I made him, with apples off the tree in my backyard. I wasn't expecting to find apples there, it was July and unseasonably early for them, but then this tree has always been a bit odd. I picked the biggest, least buggy apples I could find and then spent hours cutting them up and painstakingly carving worms out of them. It was honestly pretty gross, but there is nothing I would have rather been doing. He didn't have much of an appetite by then, but he did eat the pie with more enthusiasm than anything else in those days. My dad took a photo of him eating a slice of it and it's the last one I have of him - I treasure that photo. It was the last time I saw him alive, and the last thing I said to him was 'see ya.' None of us thought we were out of time, but if we had to be, that's a pretty damn good last memory.

[dandylovesturtles]

Please tell me something about the Shape of Water AU I'm very curious

this is just the doc title for my "100 Feet and a World Away" AU! I have the lore post linked in my pinned.

tldr: the boys get kidnapped young and raised in a lab by humans who aren't aware they have human level intelligence, and they try to escape.

I posted a bit about Donnie (aka Turtle Four) eating french fries awhile ago but here, have the rest of the scene too:

April unwraps something. The smell assaults his nose - greasy meat, cheese, that red vegetable he’s seen sometimes - and he slips into the water and swims over, popping out just shy of the fence.

“I’m sorry, are you eating during our escape planning meeting?”

“Don’t start with me,” she says, holding up a hand. “I had to work through breakfast to catch up on my homework for my morning classes, then work through lunch to catch up on my homework for my afternoon classes, and then I worked through dinner to catch up on everything else.” She takes a bite, chews, swallows. “This is the first chance I’ve had to eat all day.”

“Huff! Fine. But did you have to bring something with so much…” he flails his hands, “smell?”

“It’s just a burger. What, you never had a burger before?”

He stares at her. She catches his eye, and then lowers her gaze.

“Right. Stupid question.”

“Sometimes the humans bring those. The burgers, you said? They eat them around noon.” He thinks of it with distaste. He can remember exactly which of the humans tend to chew with their mouths open, or talk with food in their mouths. It makes him feel slimy when he watches. 

“We call that “lunch”,” April says. She looks at the burger, then back at Four. It’s with an expression he doesn’t understand, but he’s noticed from her more and more. “Do you want to try it?”

He hesitates. He doesn’t know if he wants to or not. The smell is overwhelming, and he isn’t sure how it will taste. How it will feel, in his mouth.

No one ever offers him food, though.

“...I’m perfectly fine with my nutrition blocks,” he finally says.

“Oh come on, Donnie, that’s not food.”

“It is. It gives me all the vitamins and minerals I need. And…” He stumbles over what he wants to say. He hates when he does that, but he doesn’t know the words for what he’s trying to convey. He wishes he had a bigger vocabulary. He wishes he were allowed to read.

Wishes get him nowhere. He has to focus on the task at hand. Only, April doesn’t seem to want to continue with their escape planning unless he makes a decision about the burger.

“...And?” she prompts, startling him.

“...I don’t know… some food… feels weird,” he finally says.

“Feels weird?”

“In my mouth.”

For a moment she just stares at him. He guesses he must have said something weird. Humans must not care about how food feels in their mouth. Maybe that’s just a turtle thing.

Or maybe his brothers don’t think that way either. Maybe it’s just a Four thing.

But then April’s eyes go a little wider, and she says, “Ooooh. You have texture issues, huh?”

“Texture?”

“Yeah. How the food feels. Some people get really bothered by it; guess you do, too.”

Oh. So it’s not just a Four thing. There’s a whole name for it. He learned something new! How exciting!

“Yes!” he declares. He feels more confident about it now. “I have texture issues!”

She laughs at that. It’s not a mean laugh. He’s not sure why what he said was funny, though, but before he can ask she’s tearing off a small piece of the meat on the side of the burger she didn’t bite.

“Here. Just try it.” She slips it through the gaps in the chain-link, where he can get to it. “If it feels bad, you can just spit it out. I won’t be mad.”

She’s always telling him that. That she won’t be mad. He doesn’t know why; he’s never seen her get mad, at least not at him. But she always tells him that anyway.

It makes him feel better, somehow, even though that’s illogical.

He takes the meat gingerly in his fingers and looks at it. It doesn’t look particularly appetizing. The smell is a lot, but not so bad now that he’s getting used to it. He likes meat - not that he’s had it much. Maybe it will be fine.

He puts it in his mouth and immediately knows it isn’t. He doesn’t like the way the meat falls apart. He can’t describe it, he just knows it’s wrong.

He spits it out. April said she wouldn’t be mad.

“No good, huh?” she asks. She doesn’t sound mad.

“No. It was bad, actually.”

“Hmm, alright…” She glances around, then grabs the sack and pulls out something else: a small container of something thin and golden brown. “Wanna try a french fry?”

“A french fry?”

“It’s just a fried potato.” She pulls one of the thin stick-things (french fry) out of the container and pokes it through the fence. “Here!”

He takes it, looking it over suspiciously. It has the same greasy smell as the burger, but it’s not meat, it’s “potato,” so it must have a different texture.

He nibbles the end, and oh.

It’s actually good!

He devours the rest of the fry. She laughs again, and when he looks back at her she’s smiling.

“Alright, so the fries are a winner. Here, have some more!”

She slips a few more through the fence, and then a few more. Four happily eats all the fries she passes him. They taste nothing like the nutrition blocks, they taste better than the nutrition blocks, and they don’t feel bad in his mouth, not even a little.

“When I get out of here,” he says, after downing the last one, “I’ll eat like this every day.”

“Maybe not fries every day. They’re pretty unhealthy.” She shrugs. “But there’s all kinds of other things out there for you to try! We’ll figure out all the foods you like to eat.”

[clavissionary-position]

Ikeprinces Ranked By How Badly They Crave Taco Bell

SARIEL . Taco Bell is the only thing keeping his mind from shattering. The only reason you've never seen the wrappers is because an employee from Taco Bell runs 40 miles to the palace every day to hand-feed Sariel while he does his work

KEITH . And now you know why he's so tall, because every Taco Bell taco produces 0.0005 cm of height in his bones, and those tacos have been adding up since he was fed them in liquid form out of the baby bottle. Jade's fuckin weird, don't ask

LICHT . Keith got him hooked. He's a burrito-supreme man. Swears by it. Prays by it. Dreams of being able to follow a copy-cat recipe at home one day without setting too big of a fire

NOKTO . Licht got him hooked. It's his post-coital meal of choice. He leaves the wrappers on the pillows of his lovers like a honeymoon rose

SILVIO . Nokto got him hooked. But he still retains a sense of self when presented with the golden richness of a chicken quesadillas. He compartmentalizes his drool like he compartmentalizes his emotions, which is to say: poorly. Wants to buy Nokto's shares of Taco Bell but Nokto isn't yielding

LEON . Take the shell, leave the meat. Is it the best meat he's ever had? Not by a longshot, but MSG is heccin hypnotizing. Is ground meat for losers? Absolutely not. Protein is protein, baby. Now go watch Leon flex at the sun while Jin coaches him

JIN . Craves it only if one of his brothers is eating Taco Bell in front of him, but otherwise he much prefers the sweets and desserts available at the palace. Though once in a blue moon, he has been known to go feral for some Nacho Fries.

CLAVIS . Has an intellectual interest in the workings of Taco Bell and its menu. Many a night has he sat in the dark of the kitchen, smiling-ly glaring down a lone soft-shell chicken taco. What makes it tick? What gives it the right to be the temptress that it is? How can he, the savant, engineer an even more supreme Crunchwrap Supreme?

GILBERT . Isn't craving Taco Bell specifically, but if you're not gonna finish that, he most certainly will. Have you ever seen a man mouth-vacuum little beads of taco beef straight from the shell into his mouth? There was no any vacuum sfx involved however; you imagined that part 100%....90%...........75% you imagined that

YVES . Not a fan of Taco Bell after briefly working there in the summer of 1258

LUKE . Always falls asleep waiting at the drive-thru so he has yet to know what it is that he is missing

CHEVALIER . Taco what?

RIO . Is the Taco Bell employee that runs 40 miles every day to hand-feed Sariel his Nachos BellGrande® Combo

a/n: Did someone make fanart of Ikeprinces and tacos or was that one of my cursed dreams? Pls link me if you know what I'm talking about

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

i was thinking about those eating competition/contest videos on youtube, where people eat so much food in 30 mins or an hour, etc. then i thought of steve/bucky/nat and eating contests. maybe one of them is involved, maybe multiple.

they have always been into eating and these seem like a good way to finally be full. they start out slow, maybe once a month participating to avoid piling on weight. they are good and win some contests, and start doing more. once a week they have an eating challenge. to avoid getting fat, they eat healthy during the week. maybe large salads to avoid too many calories but keep their stomach capacity up.

they have to take a break from the contests and all is okay still, but they get bored of the healthy eating. they decide to have a cheat week and just eat whatever they want. the weight piles on, and they decide they like it (their partners like it too) and they keep gaining.

I've been holding onto this ask for forever 😫 so sorry!

The eating contest component immediately made me think of the fic "No Contest" by caloriebomb, which is literally just FAT STEVE and I-

It's good.

Anyway, you know what this made me think of-?

This made me think, what about an alternative universe in which Steve, Bucky, and Natasha meet as competitive eaters? Maybe they aren't, like, famous competitive eaters but are just casual enthusiasts. Local gods, perhaps.

Anyhow, they all meet at a competitive eating contest...

Natasha seeks out Steve and Bucky intentionally when she sees the newcomers at an annual contest she's been attending for a few years. Not only are they new, meaning they don't know about her crazy stomach capacity and stretchability, but they're also both very handsome, and she feels like seeing some handsome men eat their words, literally. She wonders if either of them with blush. That, or if either of them will willing admit that they're wrong when they end up being wrong about her... maybe they'll just say it. Maybe they'll squirm 😈

So, she elbows them, offering a bet while the announcer is, well, announcing the event. I bet I'll eat more than you. She makes sure to smile softly. She doesn't want to give away her plans just yet. She's having too much fun.

The slightly shorter man with dark hair immediately agrees with a charming grin of his own. He looks her up and down and then gestures to himself, inviting her to do the same to him, raising silent eyebrows. It speaks only of, are you sure? The blond haired, taller man only stares at her. She can tell he is trying not to panic, having a pretty girl talk to him - it's cute. Normally, she'd roll her eyes, but there's something about blondie. Something about the brunette, too.

She likes them 😏

The brown haired guy nods when blondie doesn't do anything and says, under the announcers excited tone, that he'll bet.

"What're we betting?"

"$100?"

"Shit, I can't resist that," he says, offering his hand for her to slap in agreement.

She does. "And you're friend?" She bats her eyelashes at him, blondie, and watches him open and close his mouth like a fish. She almost laughs out loud. He's a golden retriever. Cute.

"He's in, too. Trust me."

Oh, yeah, this will be fun, Natasha thinks, and she has to look away because she doesn't want to give them her "predatory" smile. Predatory as her friends have told her it looks. What? She can't help that she knows she's right. She's gonna win.

Natasha learns the boys' names as they're announced to go on. Bucky, the brown haired one. Steve, the blond haired one.

So, Natasha meets and greets and beats the the boys.

At this competition they're eating poutine. Not Natasha's favorite, especially considering that she didn't grow up with it. It being just fries with shit piled up on it, but it's still pretty good. Poutine is good for shoving down. Good for contests like this one. Soft and relatively wet with good flavor. It means that fistful after fistful can go down before she has to take a millisecond break for water or before she can tire of the taste.

Natasha empties her first tray, then her second and third and fourth and fifth and on and on and on.

She smashes through it. Her stomach filling and expanding but not full.

She can feel Steve's eyes when they stray to her every once in a while. Flicking. Not checking her out, but, just trying to figure out how she's going so fast. Her fingers are a blur. Lifting fries to mouth again and again and again, shoving it down, getting it inside her. The faster, the better. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, she urges herself.

Suddenly, he opts to go whole hog, shoving her face into the fries and inhaling them.

She doesn't look at Steve.

She's not looking at anything but her prize, looking through the poutine servings just like a runner doesn't stare at the finish line, they look through the finish line that way they'll go the whole way with full power. She's going full power. She can see poutine when she shuts her eyes to chew harder, getting more into it. She is in the zone. So much so that she hardly feels the stretch of her flexible stomach muscles. Rounding out. Convexity created by the weight, the mass, of the poutine. No, she doesn't feel the stretch. She just feels the fire under her ass. She knows she can beat any beginner, but she wants to do her best. She doesn't wanna win a little. What's even the point in that?

She wants to win by a landslide.

A landslide that was slid right down her throat and into her gut. All that rock and earth heavy and full, making her massive. For anyone who didn't see her figure prior to the event starting when she gets uo, they're gonna question who let a pregnant lady join an eating contest.

She's still packing it in.

And, God, she must be massive with how those fries and toppings slide right doooown.

Down her throat.

She's getting heavier.

It has to be almost over.

It's been so long.

But-

She's not going to stop until the buzzer hits. She's not even going to look at the clock. No distractions. Not even the handsome boys to her right.

She hammers down more. She's almost done with this tray.

Another. Get is down. C'mon, you have this.

BZZZZZZ!

There!

Yes!

It's over!

Natasha finally lifts her head, "wooo," she huffs, feeling how her head buzzes with the rush of sensations. Now that the heat of the moment is done, it's all coming back. Woof. She's stuffed. She can feel the grease and fat going straight to her veins. She can feel the heavy, solidness of fullness. Wonderful. And-

"Holy shit!"

She can feel pure satisfaction at knowing she's won. Easily. She's a cat that's got the cream. A whole gallon.

She looks over to her new favorites. They're both sweating with messy mouths.

New heat stabs Natasha when she sets her eyes on the pretty gape of Steve's grease-slick, shiny lips. It's multiplied by the grin growing over Bucky's own lips. Equally shiny but not as plump. Steve's bottom lip takes the cake on that. And, my, my, my could it be cake. It looks soft. Natasha would like to sink her teeth into it. Into them both.

Natasha wins the eating competition and $200 extra from her new companions.

As they stand to waddle heavily off stage, Nat notes that Bucky has managed to do well. She can see the bloat of his belly. It looks nice and firm but still soft. He would be good to touch she bets. He had more padding than she initially thought, strong but still soft. Steve, however... Steve is not fairing well. He's probably eaten just as much as Bucky, perhaps even more than him, but he was not padded. He's all hard muscle with pounds of poutine attached to him.

Woof.

His new gut sticks out like a beer gut. Through his tight shirt that's been forced to expand enough to expose a few inches of pale, strained skin, she can tell that his abs are not happy with him. They're stretched taut. She licks her lip, picturing how pink his freckled skin must be, those muscles struggling to keep his belly attached to him.

That time, they part ways.

The next time they meet up, it's another competition. Bucky strolls up to her, Steve behind him like a trailing puppy, and confesses he's been training, patting his belly with a charming grin. She laughs, oh, really? You think you can beat me?

He does.

They end up betting again. Steve stays out of it this time, clearly the smarter of the two, Natasha teases.

Because-

Natasha wins again.

Bucky may have been training, but he's been training with water. Water is different from food. It goes down easier. It might be heavier than food, and it might stretch you out like food, but it isn't the same. Natasha blows him out of the water, pun intended.

She ends up with her gut sticking out past her tits, breathing hard and heavy and caressing the sides of her gut with her fingernails while Steve looks on, trying and failing to hide his interest. He's blushing now worse than he was immediately after eating.

Steve's muscles may not want to stretch, too used to being tight and perfectly sculpted, but he's stubborn, and he packs a lot down. Bucky, too. He's having an easier time, but he burps something crazy. Steve hisses out little moans and gasps. They're both delicious in their own ways.

They meet more and more and more.

They exchange numbers and constantly are texting and sending photos. Talking about training exercises and sometimes even showing exactly what they mean. Boasting about wins (Natasha) or near wins (Steve and Bucky) from competitions they all don't attend. Showing off photos of their guts post-contest then showing the subsequent damage days after they get stuffed full for contests. Their own and others entertainment.

It becomes routine to crash into an Uber on the way back from a contest, all together, making the car sink that much closer to the ground as a result of their combined weight. They go back to either Bucky's and Steve's apartment or Natasha's apartment to spread out on couches and floors and beds. Anywhere they can starfish out to digest. Sometimes separate. Sometimes, in one huge bloated pile.

After contests, Bucky burps and pats his belly hard like he doesn't mind how tender his gut must be. Steve, meanwhile, moans and gasps and complains about how much he ate, how he should stop, or how he can't believe he did it again, and he has the loudest gurgles. He can hardly seem to touch his own belly. It's too much. Post stuffing, Natasha would purr if she could, feathering her fingers over her stretched belly and taking the time to massage lotion into her skin. She'd purr because of the feeling of her own body along with the feelings of the bodies around her. Two big, big guys squishing her, confessing that they still don't get how she can just do that.

It's a gift. Her capacity and her boys.

Her boys because... aomewhere along the lines, they start becoming more and more intimate.

Steve begins letting Natasha rub his belly with lotion and moans like she's wrapped his dick up her in lotion-slick hand. If not her, otherwise he won't touch himself and will actively lift his heavy body up and away, groaning as he moves like it's the most difficult thing he's ever done, from Bucky. He does not want his gut slapped or prodded. He will burp when his body wants him to, thank you very much.

Bucky begins pinching her hip and telling her how nice she always looks but blushes when she does it back to him. Bucky starts unbuckling his belt and letting his pants drop after pushing up his shirt. Crashing hard and getting comfortable. He also gropes his gut in front of them both. Nat catches an eyeful of his dick getting interested in his rough touching more than once. Steve takes off his shirt but leaves his pants off. She isn't so thrilled about it though, she's curious if he's like Bucky. Truly into this. And she's slightly concerned those pants are going to cut him in half one day.

Soon after those developments, Natasha allows herself to slip out of her bra more often than not when they're crashing after contests. Bucky both jokingly and sincerely confesses that it's crazy hot that she can stuff herself so much that the band of her bra becomes too tight. It gives her enough confidence to slip out of her pants, too. Leaving her to join Bucky in just a t-shirt and underwear.

They begin to see each other at times other than post-competition, too.

Eventually, they're more often together than not. And one day, Steve blurts randomly, "are we dating?"

Bucky bursts out laughing, shaking his head, "when I left it to you to figure that out, I- I didn't! Think you'd!!-" he slaps his knees, laughing harder.

Natasha looks between them, crossing her arms, "so you've talked about this together. Without me."

They both stumble and stutter.

She relaxes, allowing herself to grin, "good. You're both on the same page then."

Steve mumbles about having a heart attack. Bucky smacks his shoulder, "serves you right."

"So..."

They stop behaving like children and snap to attention. Starting at her.

"Do you want to date?"

They both nod eagerly.

"Good. We'll keep doing what we're doing then."

And that settles it. They keep living in each other's pockets, and they keep going to eating contests. It's the same. Just as good. Until... something breaks.

Steve stops working out. Like that.

It's so sudden.

He shrugs and claims he just doesn't feel like it. He'd rather be home with them or out eating with them. He doesn't want to waste time at the gym. He's full of love. He doesn't need to obsess over a hobby to fulfill him any longer. Bucky and Natasha cuddle him extra tight that night. And night by night... Steve gets softer and softer. His abs fade fast. His trim waist widens a little. And. It breaks them. Natasha and Bucky become even more obsessed with Steve. There's more of him.

If they all also gave up their obsessions of eating healthy and being active during the week when they don't have eating contests... there would be more of all of them.

And they can't go back once they realize that.

More. There could be more of them all. More love. More to touch and hold and-

Okay. Yes.

With the ending of their self-imposed rules about healthy eating and exercising and the continued entering of eating contests, they all start feeling the brunt of those calories near immediately.

Steve changes the most rapidly because of his sudden dropping, cold turkey, of working out. His poor body. It doesn’t know what to do with continued heavy calories that aren’t protein; his body could work off the cheat meals of competitive eating contests and put it towards more muscle, bulking, but his body can’t deal with cheat meals every day. Stuffing himself every day. Moaning about it. Loving it. As a result, Steve’s waist actually gets wider. His abs are gone impressively fast, and he starts to look puffy. Thick like frosting. (Natasha certainly thinks he’s as good as frosting - he’s sweet and pale white, and she could spend hours and hours licking and tasting him). His waist as well as everything else. His hips and thighs and ass. His chest and arms. And his jaw. Oh my god. His face starts filling out, those model cheekbones filling in. It’s cute.

He looks so good.

The frame of a liftaholic, gym rat is still under his new weight, but it’s buried, leaving him wide and fluffy looking. It’s only when you press your fingers into his new fluff that you can feel those hard-earned muscles underneath, holding up his new bulk.

And as much as Steve’s chin begins to get a twin it’s worse for Bucky.

Bucky already was holding onto a lot of puppy fat, youthful with a soft, smooth belly and face. So, as his gain creeps up on him - gaining slower than Steve - his face is chubby. Full cheeks and a soft jawline that both Natasha and Steve are obsessed with kissing. Natasha has a thing for biting it. When they don’t have to go anywhere for the weekend or the rare alignment of their schedules off work, she’ll leave marks on his double chin and press on it with her thumb every chance she gets, admiring her handy work and feeling all the weight Bucky has gained. It’s not just his face, though. Bucky gets nice and wide, too. His shoulders widen, his back starts to arch and forms little rolls, his legs begin to soften, and his chest gets hit. But it’s really his gut. He gets a great, full gut. Along with his swollen gut come chunky thighs and an impressive ass. Steve looks like he’s been inflated like he’ll pop if you poke his constantly stuffed ball of a gut while Bucky looks like he’s been hitting beers too heavily for too long. Bucky is relaxed and carries himself with a jiggling, heavy swagger. Steve is seemingly in pain, in the best way. He’s moaning and working around his gut. He doesn’t know how to carry himself. His mind can’t keep up with his body.

Natasha gains right along with her boys, of course. Her tits get bigger - she gets stretch marks on the sides of them, right around her underarms - and for a while, unless she’s stuffed, you can’t tell her belly is getting soft compared to her chest because of the size of her chest. But. Her gut catches up eventually. Suddenly. Her body gains weight in her thighs and hips and chest until, bam! Overnight, she suddenly has more than a soft little curve to her belly.

Bucky goes from burying his face in her tits or between her thick thighs whenever possible to pressing his face against her tummy. It’s kinda the best thing he’s ever seen. Nice and round and balancing her top and bottom half. Connecting her curves with an even larger, more irresistible curve.

Steve is never as brash as Bucky. He is less shy than he once was, but he still blushes and still is shy, curling in on himself whenever he’s turned on and has the chance to touch Natasha or Bucky. It’s adorable. It brings out the sadist in her, wanting to force him to beg or wanting to encourage him, grabbing his wrists and making him grab her tits or belly or ass. It's her game to make Steve call her fat. His good boy manners and society’s conditioning leave him tongue-tied until he’s really, really strung out. She can sometimes make him stutter it after a good, long week of stringing together eating contests day after day until they might as well roll themselves home after the last one or after Bucky and her have spent the day winding Steve up. Stuffing themselves and complaining about how full they are, obscenely eating food. Touching each other or even straight-up having sex in front of Steve without inviting him in. Anything. Everything. Teasing Steve until he’s willing to admit she’s fat. Nice and round and plump. Whatever naughty, big word she can get from him, she cherishes.

She also cherishes all of Bucky’s words, but Bucky’s mouth is filthy. She needn’t encourage him to call her names that should make her upset but instead make her hot. She doesn’t have to do anything before honey is dripping from his mouth, and he’s making himself and Steve blush. And they all love it. Natasha often jokes that they have turned their lives into an orgy of gluttony. Bucky kisses her right on the mouth and wonders out loud if three is really an orgy. Steve just groans. The two of them together is too much and he’s had too much - his body is still the most sensitive, he’s gained the most weight, and they both seem to favor shoving food at him the most, so he’s never not stuffed full, lying back under his pale, mountainous gut. Steve is their bloated playground. They tease him. They mess with him. Stuffing immobilizes him. He doesn’t have enough self-control to stop until they stop him, so while they can crawl all over him and all over each other… Steve lies back. Panting. Moaning. Weakly shifting as his gut burbles and they kiss on top of him, pressing their guts together. Natasha will often ride him while Bucky fucks his mouth or fucks Natasha’s ass, struggling to get close enough to her now that they’re all so fat.

It’s a good life.

Big fat partners 🫠😵‍💫😵‍💫❤️

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

13, 24, 27 for Pyro

and

3 for a Dark Shadows character of your choice!

13. Dumbest thing they've ever done.

Oh boy, where do I start here? So many contenders.

I'd probably have to say that time that Freedom Force attacked the X-Men (without Mystique's permission and behind her back), and Pyro tried directly challenging Storm. This was during the time that Storm had lost her powers, but Pyro's flame reacted with the fog in the air to cause rain, so Pyro basically took himself out.

Runner up - that time in TAS that Pyro did not recognize Rogue despite her having formerly been in the Brotherhood, and tried to flirt with her by torching a chair and making a bad pun. I want to emphasize, he literally just torched a chair and didn't actually manipulate the flame at all, which means he was trying to impress Rogue as "guy with a flamethrower."

Toss him through the wall, Rogue.

Also that same episode he shot fire at Cable, a huge hulking guy strapped with guns, for no good reason, and got himself knocked out and nearly drowned. "Don't call me darling."

Second runner-up - That impulsive drunken skull-face tattoo. I am 100% certain Pyro had some next-day regrets about that, even though he would never admit it.

24. Most annoying habit

He's definitely a show-off and braggart, and can often be quite petty and mean. Probably a conversation one-upper, and a million "When I was in Vietnam/the Brotherhood/jail" stories of dubious credibility. Although I also think those are fun aspects of his character.

Probably smoking. Pyro is a smoker and I doubt he's very considerate about second-hand smoke. Also, if you lend him your lighter you will never see it again.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Soap operas. Pyro loves watching soaps for all the plot twists and drama, many of which he rips-off uses for inspiration in his novels. Although I think Pyro would be defiantly unashamed of watching soaps. "I'm a romance writer, what the fuck do you expect?"

Pyro's real guilty pleasure - light-hearted romantic comedies and occasional sappy Hallmark movies. Sometimes St. John just needs a pick-me up in the form of a feel-good movie about a career woman moving back to her small town and discovering both love and the true meaning of Christmas. If you walk in on Pyro watching one of these movies he will switch it off faster than actual porn.

3. Obscure headcanon (for a Dark Shadows character)

Bless you for asking me about Dark Shadows. I like to imagine a lot of moments of Willie (Barnabas's servant/vampire thrall) introducing Barnabas to 20th century culture, especially post-Wyndcliff when Barnabas was being a little nicer to Willie. Like Willie getting Barnabas to try pizza and hamburgers during his "cured" non-vampire times when he could actually eat real food. "C'mon, Barnabas, you gotta try it at least once, it's really good, and people will expect you to have eaten pizza before, it'll help you fit in."

Barnabas eats pizza and hamburgers with a knife and fork, no one can convince him to do otherwise.

Barnabas trying to relate to Vicky: "Willie prepared some.....spa-ghe-tti for me the other night, such an interesting, flavorful dish, although a bit inconvenient to eat."

Willie had no idea what to do when Barnabas asked him for some salt-pork, he just ran out and got Barnabas a hot dog. Barnabas became surprisingly fond of baked beans with cut-up hot dogs, and would offer it to guests.

Willie was similarly troubled when Barnabas wanted roast pigeon. "We, uh....we don't really eat that anymore, Barnabas. Maybe some fried chicken instead?" Thankfully, Barnabas loved the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices.

(I feel like this works even better for the 91 Revival Willie and Barnabas, who don't have as contentious a relationship. Like 91 Willie would be eager to take Barnabas to the movies or play the Beatles for him or introduce him to Chinese food.)

[mintytealfox]

Oooo food headcanons lets go owo. Not Nortalice, just nortnort stuff

BUT-!

I imagine Norton probably heavily savors food. Especially super good food. Yeah, yeah in Ashes of Memory 2 he is scarfing down bread like its his last meal, which i mean given how he grew up, that may be a mindset he sort of has carried his entire life. But I imagine like maybe 80 to 90% of the time, Norton savors food.

And not in the "I must savor the delicate flavors of this refine meal" more like "holy fuck this may be my last PROPER, FILLING, meal in ages, I'm treating every bite like it was handcrafted by the gods themselves." So he takes slow, maybe small bites (if you seen Tim Burton's Charlie and Chocolate Factory, think the chocolate bar scene with Charlies and his family but replace it with Norton maybe eating anything that isn't bread and boiled roots and weeds he could find). Just savoring ever morsel he eats until his plate is fully cleaned.

That said of course, on the subject of food still, I can lowkey actually imagine, if Norton had the time and energy, he hunted and maybe gathered things to eat. One of Norton's skill is literally called "Outdoor Skills" i.e probably link to scavenging and survival skills, the man knows how to do things. Downside is, he may just not have had a lot of time and or energy to do them since he was working to the crack of down to maybe the brink of midnight to support himself. But I like to imagine, if Norton did get the chance to hunt or gather, he could probably whip up a lot of good stuff. Like rabbit stews with wild herbs and veggies. Fried, crunchy wild greens with wild berries and quill eggs. Stuff that seems fancy but a miner trying his best to survive made them. Although knowing Norton's luck as well, the stuff he hunted or gathered may have either A.) Gotten stolen from him by his fellow miners or B.) Destroyed because god forbid Norton try to spoil himself with what skills and what little he has.

Oh yes Oh yes Oh yes!!

I totally AGREE! I bet he also savors when he knows he is completely alone and can take his time without worry of anyone interrupting or something suddenly happening and needing to act fast (like stopping for a second to eat some lunch while in the caves only for a cave-in to start threatening to happen and him just scrambling to grab everything he can and run)

YES YES YES THE OUTDOOR SKILLS!!! He totally knows what is edible out there and had to learn fast as well ;;

and gosh I wonder if he was ever given hospital food as well when he was helping with Benny. I was chatting on Twitter and I was reminded of Christmas Oranges and how special those were back then and wondering if the nurses were able to get their hands on a few to give to their patients and hopefully Norton as well ;; He needs something special even if it wasn't every year ;;

And the Outdoor skills reminds me of the offical art of Norton in the wild and watching a deer! gosh I need to find it Ah here it is:

surrounded by berries ;;

Gosh Norton is capable of so many things except when it comes to protecting himself from his bullies orz Until he snapped orz gosh and I 100% believe he developed something like Bipolar as a result to just absolutely everything that he has been though so throwing mental illness (in a world/time that mental illness 'isnt a thing' and got thrown in a looney bin uhg orz) on top of everything gosh, I feel for him so hard ;;

GOSH all of this is 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 and gets the brain thinking!!

[razieltwelve]

Shawarma (Final Rose x MCU)

In which Averia is Peter Parker’s older sister.

X     X     X

Averia was tempted to go home. New York was safe. The aliens had been defeated. And all was right with the world. Well, not exactly. There were plenty of alien corpses everywhere because not everybody could go around firing disintegration beams at stuff and not everybody had melee weapons that could do the same.

Yep. Saviour was 100% bullshit.

She’d probably have to show up again tomorrow to help get rid of all the bodies. Otherwise, it would take the government forever to dispose of them. Admittedly, she was fairly certain that they’d be taking at least some of the corpses for examination and dissection, but they didn’t need all of them.

“You’re staying for shawarma, right?” Tony Stark asked. “Because, you know, you did help save the world.” He gestured vaguely at the rest of the so-called Avengers. “You’re part of the club now, and that means food, drinks, getting to know each other, all that kind of jazz.”

Averia pursed her lips. “I suppose I could stay.” She paused. “And I was going to get lunch when this whole thing started.”

“That’s the spirit!” Tony slapped her over the shoulder. “Let’s go get some shawarma!”

X     X     X

Gathered around a table with the others, Averia bit back a smile as she watched them interact. It was clear that they hadn’t known each other that long, but she could already see the bonds of camaraderie forming. Few things brought people closer together than world-ending threats and victory. She knew that from personal experience.

“A fine victory feast!” Thor boomed, enough food for several people in front of him, to say nothing of the booze. From what Saviour was telling her about his physiology, he could easily handle it. “To victory!”

“To victory!” the other repeated.

“You going to be eating with that armour on?” Tony asked.

Averia smirked, her helmet still in place. “Actually...” She raised her glass to her lips, Saviour fiddling with the tangibility of the glass, the soda, and her helmet. She took a long sip of the soda and then set it down on the table. “I can do that.”

“Oh, that’s some bullshit,” Tony said, staring. “But there’s no way you can do that with food.”

“I bet she can,” Clint said. “In fact, I’ll put ten bucks on it.”

“I’m with Clint,” Natasha added. “You weren’t around to see some of the stuff she pulled. Homing disintegration rays that can turn corners, go through people without hurting them, and then disintegrate the targets? Yeah. She can eat fries without taking off her helmet.”

“I’m more curious about how she’s doing it,” Bruce Banner said.

“Captain,” Averia said. “Would you like to throw your money into the pot?”

Steve Rogers chuckled. “I wouldn’t call myself a gambling man.”

“All right,” Tony said. “Let’s see you do it.”

And Averia proceeded to eat a handful of fries without ever removing her helmet. She reached for her shawarma as Clint crowed in triumph and Tony made a disgusted sound. “Although it seems a tad unfair to remain masked while all of you are unmasked...” Her helmet vanished, as did the rest of her armour, leaving her clad in jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket. “Nice to meet you all.”

Tony blinked. “Wait... you’re a kid?”

“If you want to be exact, I’m fourteen.” Averia took a bite of her shawarma. “This isn’t half bad.” She waved at Clint who was staring at her like she’d grown a second head. “Can you pass the barbecue sauce?”

“Wait!” Tony got to his feet. “Hold up! You’re fourteen, and you’re not the least bit bothered by the fact that we just saved the world.”

Averia added some barbecue sauce to her shawarma and nodded to herself. Ah. Much better. “Well, it was either help or find somewhere to hide while everybody else got killed and the city either got invaded or blown up. Helping seemed like the better option.” She shrugged. “And I wasn’t in any real danger anyway.”

Thor’s eyes gleamed and he reached across the table to slap her over the shoulder. “I like this one! Tell me, from where do your arms and armour come? They have the look of masterworks!”

Averia grinned and held out her hand. “You’re probably thinking I call them up from somewhere, right? Nope.” A sword formed in her hand. “I make them.”

Bruce shook his head. “That... violates so many laws of physics its not funny.”

Thor rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Tell me, what sort of experience do you have in hunting giant monsters?”

“More than you’d think.” Averia smiled back. “Do you know where I can find some.”

Thor beamed. “Oh, after the business with my brother is sorted, you must visit Asgard! I’ll take you hunting with my friends. It will be a great experience for -”

Tony seemed to have finally recovered from his shock. “Okay, look, you’re really okay with all this?”

“Yes.”

He stared into her eyes. He could appreciate his concern, and it was nice to see it. Thor was a warrior, but Tony’s moral standards were more modern. It would have been worrying if he hadn’t been worried.

“Just in case, I feel like I have to ask, but you’re not secretly part of some government program to create super soldiers or anything, are you?” Tony asked.

Both Natasha and Steve flinched. The tall man was still looking for the right words, but Averia decided to cut off any potential misunderstandings.

“I was born like this,” Averia said. “I’ve had this power all my life. And I’ve lived a very normal life. I go to school. I go out with my friends. I spend time with my family. If I occasionally save people from disaster or stop criminals, well, that’s just what I do. With the power I have, if I see someone who really needs the help, how can I just walk away?”

Steve nodded slowly. “Yeah. I can understand that. But, kid, this is a big deal. You should be worrying about school and your friends and family, not fighting aliens and saving the world.”

“It is what it is,” Averia said. “I was able to help, so I did. And a lot of people are alive right now because of it. I don't plan on doing this whole world-saving thing full time, but I can give you a way to contact me, just in case you need the help again.”

Tony chuckled. “Shit.”

Steve frowned. “Language. We’ve got a kid at the table.”

Tony threw his head back and laughed. “Steve, she killed more aliens than you. I think she’ll survive a little bit of cursing.” He turned to Averia. “Thanks for your help. If you have a way you want us to contact me, I’ll handle it. Also... if you get into any trouble or anything, just let me know.” He reached into his pocket and slid a device across the table to her. “That’s a way to contact me in an emergency. Use it if you need to.”

Averia nodded. “I will. Now, can we keep eating, or are we going to be worrying about my age for the whole night?”