Judd Birch relationship hc
tags: Judd Birch x Jessi’s sister! Reader, she/her pronounced reader, mentions of sex, drugs and alcohol, come on this is a big mouth fic what did you expect, reader is alternative
authors note: I would recommend you read THIS fic I wrote about Judd first, which sums up how the two of you meet (: I’ll be referring back to that for all my Judd fics
requested HERE
1,7k words (the fic continues after the cut)
Judd is not a man of many words
It’s not like he doesn’t talk at all, he just uses actions to express his affection more than words
He will put a blanket on you when you’re sitting on the couch, randomly hand you a glass of water whenever he feels like you need hydration, let you wear his shirts, ect
Raccoons randomly start following you on your way to school, bringing you flowers or other gifts, that’s also Judd expressing his admiration
Tbh the raccoons sees you as their mother, hiding behind you when Judd is being too mean
You’re also way nicer to them, feeding them snacks and giving back rubs
Judd scolds you, bc “you can’t be too nice to those fat little fucks, they’re already spoiled enough” but he secretly loves seeing you interact with the raccoons
“Fucking cute.” He mutters to himself as you sit in his passenger seat of his van, three raccoons perched on your lap and chatting happily to you
He’s somehow even more grumpy whenever you’re around people, he’s always glaring at and threatening everyone around you
He’s the ‘I hate everyone but you’ type of boyfriend
Obviously he likes you, but we are talking about Judd Birch after all and just because you’re dating doesn’t mean he’s gonna be all lovey-dovey with you
Calls you bitch, slut, shithead and dumbass affectionately, and in turn you call him mr grumpy pants, pussy, bitch-boy and fuckface
Ngl, his mom was super concerned when he got into a relationship and she heard him calling you bitch on multiple occasions
His dad was more relaxed, claiming it just added to his sons mysterious aura
Both of them immediately fell in love with you when they heard you calling him something equally nasty to put him in his place
You’re the only one who gets to do that btw, if anyone else dared to call him out for his bullshit they’d have a battalion of killer raccoons on their ass
You get invited to all their family trips, tbh Judd is only interested in going if you are too
What made his parents adore you even more, was when you slapped the back of his head for calling his parents “nosy fucking nutsacks”
They constantly ask Judd when you’re coming over, and when you finally do they just straight up kidnap you from him
“Don’t fucking touch her, you old prick.” Judd muttered darkly, pulling you out of his dad’s embrace by your hips and pulling you to his chest
Mr. Birch chuckled “Ah, young love!” He said, holding both hands over his heart in emphasis, Judd only scowled and began dragging you to his room
Omg the multiple safe sex talks his parents are gonna have with you, like one of the first times you came to his house they just sat you down and started explaining how they’d rather have you fuck under their roof than some unsafe place
Judd could have murdered them right there, if you hadn’t been there he probably would have
They even gave you condoms and everything..
With that said, Judd comes from a very sex positive house and honestly doesn’t care if his parents know you’re having sex
He was more angry that they embarrassed you
Somehow his mom immediately knew when you had your first time
You came downstairs for dinner, legs wobbly and a glazed look on your face
Judd also looked less murderous than normal, still scowling but the two of you seemed to be slightly glowing
Bc this is Diane Birch, she immediately congratulated you not even noticing how your face went red and you sank lower down in your seat as she talked about the importance of both parties enjoying sexual intercourse
Oh my god, you thought you could die
Besides his parents, you’re pretty good friends with Nick and Leah
Leah’s in your grade, you have history together, and honestly she thinks you’re really cool
She adores the way you dress, always complimenting your outfits, makeup and hair
Sometimes, she asks you to do her makeup as well
Judd always complains, he really fucking hates when you spent time with his siblings instead of him
Of course he would never admit that he’s jealous, but he so is
Nick is.. Incredibly in love with you
You're older, really hot and you’re nice to him? W o w
Tbh, all the guys in Jessi’s friend group are crushing hard on you
When you’re hanging out in Judd’s room, he’s constantly interrupting you, bringing you water, asking for help with homework, ect
He keeps up like this until Judd throws an empty bottle of Jack Daniels at his face, hitting him square in the forehead
Nick cried, calling Judd a slut before storming out
You constantly have to break up fights between them
Judd likes kissing you in front of Nick lmao, you think it’s to show dominance or something but you don’t really care
You’re just happy he’s kissing you (:
Besides Nick being in love with you, Jessi is so passive aggressive about your relationship
Bruh she steals the shirts Judd gives you
Yk that episode where she asked him to dance and he was like “I don’t dance.. With kids.” He danced with you right after lmfao
Jessi was fuming
The two of you literally cannot catch a break
You end up driving around in his van a lot, you’re doing your best to get him not to exceed the speed limit, but no way he’s listening to you
He literally drives like he’s trying to kill everyone on the sidewalk, and you wouldn’t put it past him
He picks you up from school in his van too, y’all go to the same school but he just refuses to show up to classes
He likes to just stand outside and glare at the teachers as they exit the building
Sometimes Leah hitches a ride with you too, he’s always annoyed when she does because that means he can’t dick you down in the backseat
Did I mention you guys fuck a lot?
Judd is pretty horny, literally anything gets him going
Oh. You’re wearing his shrírt today? Better prepare yourself
You sang along to one of the songs he was blasting in his car? So hot
Your hair smells extra nice today? Your pants are already gone
He loves, loves, loves leaving bitemarks and hickeys on you, especially where they’re most noticeable
He really likes it when you leave marks on him too, particularly when you scratch up his back?
He likes the pain tbh, and he just thinks its really really hot to see his back covered in long, red marks after you fuck
Honestly, Judd is a simp
Your most typical date nights consists driving out to get food, drinking a shit ton of Jack Daniels in the back of the van and watching horror movies
which leads to more fucking
No but seriously, Judd would be so ecstatic if you’re also into horror movies
He constantly complains about how unrealistic the gore is and tries to explain to you what it would actually look
Cackles sinisterly when someone in the movie dies
Okay but you’re literally the only one who gets to touch his hair
No way he’s going to a salon to get it dyed, it’s expensive and he’d rather eat shit than deal with other people
Before you came along, he just dyed it himself
Then he found out it was much easier having you do it, especially since you’re used to dying your own hair and you know what you're doing
It’s also an excuse to get you to touch his hair, he literally melts at the feeling of your nails raking across his scalp
Please dye a strand of your hair to match his, I beg you
He would be so happy (Or as happy as Judd Birch is capable of being)
He really likes that you matches his aesthetic ngl
He loves your ripped thighs and skirts, he also really loves your makeup
Especially after the two of you fuck and its all ruined and running down your cheeks- okay I’ll stop
Oh my god, the two of you would get high together and hang out with his raccoons
So cute
He’s also much more affectionate towards them when he’s high
Slow passionate love-making while y’all are stoned 👀
Connie and Maury would love you, you’re the two easiest kids they got
Judd mostly just ignores Maury and runs his own game, tbh there’s little to no work for his hormone monster
Connie is ecstatic you’re finally getting laid lmfao
In the summer, you work at the local pool with Leah
Judd goes, but he never gets in the water he’s just there to see you in your bathing suit (Y’all fuck in the public showers lmao)
Sometimes he sits in the employees only break room and blasts music, tbh the other ppl who works at the pool are too intimidated to tell him to leave
At least none of the patrons, especially the kids in Jessi’s grade, dare to oppose you when he’s there
Besides not being the most affectionate guy, he’s also extremely emotionally constipated
He feels stuff.. Sure. But he channels those feelings into vandalism and sex
It’s gonna take a looooot of time for him to start talking about his feelings
I feel like Mr. Birch sat Judd down at some point and tried teaching him about the importance of being emotionally available to your partner
Judd couldn't care less in the moment, but it stuck with him subconsciously
It would help a lot if you opened up to him first, like it would kinda encourage him
It’s really not often he has feelings-related stuff he needs to talk about, but once in a while, most often when you’re both stoned, he opens up a little
Mostly reassuring you that he really does care about you, sometimes mumbling that he loves you because he really does
As much as he likes to pretend he doesn’t
He’s almost always either high or drunk when talking about his feelings lmao
With time, he’ll get more used to the idea of sharing his feelings with you as your relationship progresses
Hello! I’m glad you made it to the end haha
I hope you enjoyed ^ ^ if you want to request more Judd stuff or anything else, you can do it HERE
love, author
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