#having your vision fucked up really just makes everything else feel so much worse.

[queerlycarter]

why do my eyes get fucky and bad every time i Do Things

put away laundry. have to stop and do eyedrops and wait for my eyes to stop twitching (happened this morning)

finish putting up my string lights. have to eyedrop & wait. (happening right now. the waiting. i'm waiting for my eyes to unfuck.)

like?? idk if its nerve/muscle related i guess it makes sense. my whole body feels shaky and a little twitchy from exerting myself going up and down the step stool and shit.

[im-smart-i-swear]

Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?

when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol

For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/

i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........

uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).

[charmedreincarnation]

MAYA, I MANIFESTED MY DREAM LIFE!!!!

Okay, I don't know if you remember me, but I participated in a lot of your challenges and the Pink’s challenge, and I found some success! I shifted to my wr and manifested some things, but I could never do it consistently, and it was really fucking annoying.

So, I took three months off and worked hard, using subliminals every day and going on affirmation rampages. I was doing lucid dreaming methods, SATs, meditations, yoga nidra, reading spiritual books literally my whole summer was dedicated to shifting and the void state. I was eat sleeping and breathing it because I could not continue to live the way I was even I can even consider that living …

So What did I do

I just followed your challenge because college was starting, and I couldn't go back to school without my dream life for the fourth time, fearing I might actually harm myself. So played the fields with this rampage (together in two different tabs).

During the Day

https://youtu.be/aLsn6ZK4RZ8?si=Dt_j7ChLjNsQ6tpV

https://youtu.be/gBD4Owz1GC0?si=icOkN1DoFsqP-adT

During the day, I would live in the end. I created albums for my desired realities, re-read my scripts, revised my void list because I genuinely believed I was going to succeed, watched supercell shifting videos on YouTube, and stared at my vision board, realizing it was going to be my life the next day, and more!

Overnight

https://youtu.be/JwV297pP9aw?si=Sxx-xlhE_owInoxH

https://youtu.be/DKB5I9y8SEg?si=PI-UaNw2m_VUWYy1

What I Manifested

- Master shifting abilities

- Master void state abilities

- Having my WR to be a perfect heaven

- Making this current reality a dream: desired looks, desired body, never gaining weight, revised wealth and family, dream friend group, a social media following, being worshipped and respected, being so beautiful by my own standards, dream home (I have a mountain range that goes through my backyard and a farm on my land, it’s enormous), revised city, only attracting wealthy, tall, attractive men, pretty privilege, 145 IQ, going to an Ivy League, getting rid of my anxiety and depression, getting rid of my health issues, no toxic family, so much money, and revised my name to Bella because I love Bella Hadid (my old name was Audrey), and so much more.

I know it sounds nothing too crazy compared to other people who manifest powers and trillions of dollars, but I can shift anytime I want. I’m going to my singing desired reality and high school musical Dr soon and I am so excited I have hundreds of places to explore. My life here finally has stability, and I’m so happy. Not waking up with stress, nausea, and diarrhea is a blessing. My house is clean, my family members aren’t fighting and calling me names, my siblings and I are close. I audibly gasp anytime I see myself in the mirror. My phone is always blowing up with people asking me for plans when it used to be dry as hell, and people forgot I even existed. Everywhere I go, people tell me I should model, want to pay for what I’m buying, are so kind, open doors for me, want to help me for no reason, give me discounts, ask me on dates… I’m so happy and confused. I don’t know how to feel. I am genuinely so loved and respected, and on top of that, I get to explore the universe of my favorite shows and movies.

I’m so glad I never gave up, even though these three months were hard and my life had gotten worse, I am finally free, my hard work paid off, and I hope everyone else will do the same. We truly are God! I was afraid this community was some big joke and big bloggers were creative writers or just laughing at delusional people like me, but I can confirm it’s very, very real.

My love I am so proud of you ! And yes I vaguely remember you and your first shift you messaged me about :)!

I am happy your hard work paid off as well. I remember when everything seemed so meaningless and delusional as well and I also thought shifting was some big joke to target mentally ill teens, but the reality is we truly are all god and no amount of doubt and struggle will ever change that truth. I hope you enjoy your dream life, and I am happy I could help 💖

[swarvey]

Can you do bachelor hcs where farmer is like super hurt? Like blood gushing from their abdomen or smth?? Like basically life threatening

when they think you're not going to make it | sdv bachelors x gn!reader

summary -> how some of the boys react to seeing you come out of the mines unconscious with nearly fatal wounds. warnings -> blood and injuries, panic attacks, harsh language

a/n: basically a more severe version of this series lol, i hope you enjoy!!! <3 alex's is probs the longest bc i was inspired heh, i started with alex and shane, but lmk if y'all want more!

alex

feels like his throat is closing in on itself when he sees you all beaten up in harvey's clinic

harvey has to yell at linus to get him out of the room when he keeps trying to reach you

completely panics at the thought of losing you

he just doesn't want to be alone again

it was no secret alex hated hospitals, and harvey's small clinic was no exception. he always tried to leave his appointments with the doctor as soon as he could, and although he would accompany you to yours, he preferred to stand outside until you finished. everything about the environment was too much for him, too painful.

so when linus — the local homeless guy he never really cared to talk to — caught him on the street and practically begged him to go to the clinic, he wasn't entirely convinced. only when your name slipped off his tongue did his eyes widen, his feet moving before his mind could catch up.

alex hated hospitals, and now he had a reason to hate them even more.

"y/n?"

his voice was barely audible as the world around him began to fade, only focusing on your paled face and the blood-soaked bandage wrapped around your torso. his breath got stuck in his chest, and an all too familiar feeling began to swarm him —images of his poor mother laying in a cold hospital bed, monitors beeping rapidly as the doctors failed to save her.

not again. please, not again.

"get him out of here!" harvey demanded, pushing him away from your body. alex blinked, realizing he'd moved past the doctor and was desperately trying to hold onto you. "alex, you have to step away, or else i won't be able to help them."

"stop it, they need me! let me go," he loudly protested. he knew it was childish; he knew he sounded like the same kid he was all those years ago, begging to see his mom one last time, but he didn't care. this was you, and he couldn't lose you. he couldn't lose anyone else.

despite his efforts, alex was swiftly dragged away by linus's unexpected strength. before he knew it, he was standing outside the clinic in the cool evening air, chest heaving as he tried to breathe.

"take some deep breaths," the older man said, somehow sounding level-headed. "it'll be okay."

"the fuck do you know?" alex snapped, voice wavering. "you don't know anything about what it's like, do you? what it's like to lose someone? to watch someone die?" his voice hitched, tears beginning to well in his eyes before spilling down his cheeks. "i can't do this. i-i can't do this again, not again, not after last time — i can't—"

"hey." strong hands planted themselves on his shoulders, and his panicked gaze met linus's kind eyes. "this isn't the first time i've dragged people out of the mines, alright? trust me, i've seen worse. they'll be okay."

"you don't know that," alex replied weakly. "they might not make it."

"they're strong, you know that."

"she was strong, too. my mom was the strongest person on this planet." more tears blurred his vision. "look where she ended up."

linus sighed, dropping his arms. "she was," he agreed, and alex looked up in surprise, "but this is different, alex."

"how do you—"

"alex." he turned, meeting harvey's exhausted smile. "you can come in now." alex nodded, wiping his face with his sleeve and giving linus a a grateful look before walking in.

your face was still pale and you weren't awake, but it was clear you were much better than before. a new, clean bandage covered your abdomen, and an iv was attached to your arm.

alex let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "so, they'll be okay?" he asked, sitting on the chair beside you.

"yes, with some recovery, of course," harvey said, sounding just as relieved as alex felt. "though, i would strongly advise not letting them go to the mines for a while. an injury like this won't heal quicky, and it will likely scar. please talk to them after they wake."

"got it, doc. seriously, thank you so much." with another smile and a nod, harvey walked to another part of the clinic, leaving alex alone with you. he kept repeating the doctor's words in his head as he grabbed your limp hand, watching your chest fall up and down with each breath. "you'll be okay," he whispered, though it wasn't you he was trying to convince.

as alex drifted off to sleep next to you, he silently reminded himself to stop by linus's tent the following morning.

shane

he usually acts pissed at you whenever you get hurt, but it's only bc he knows you can handle yourself

usually you can, anyway, which is why he's worried when you don't come home when you said you would

he's quick to leave the house and immediately starts looking for you (tries to convince himself you're just running late)

in complete shock when he sees you in dr. harvey's arms as he rushes into the clinic with maru beside him

shane glanced at the clock for the fifth time in the last minute, frown deepening when you still didn't appear in the doorway. he could practically hear you chastising him for being too dramatic, but he didn't care — you'd never been this late before, and a tugging feeling in his gut told him there was something wrong.

swearing under his breath, he threw on his jacket and left the farm, telling himself that you probably just got caught up at the saloon, or maybe you stopped by the community center. then again, you had mentioned you wanted to get back into fishing—

"maru, get the door!"

a cold wave washed over shane's entire body, making him halt mid-step.

all he could focus on was your bloodied face hanging from harvey's arms as he rushed you into the clinic, maru hot on his tail.

for a second, time seemed to stop.

then, he was sprinting to catch the door and run in after them, panicked words spewing from his mouth before he could even process his thoughts.

"what the— what the fuck happened? where did you even—? are they going to be okay, oh shit, are they gonna wake up—"

"shane," harvey gritted out through his teeth, "you need to leave, now."

immediately, shane stood his ground, jaw clenched. "i'm not fuckin' going anywhere, not 'til they're awake."

"shane," the doctor repeated in a softer tone, eyes pleading with him, "i can't work on them with you in the room. this wound is deep — i need to operate, and you can't be here."

"please," maru added quietly, looking more distressed than shane had ever seen the typically laidback girl. "th-they might not make it."

harvey gave her a look, but didn't deny her words. shane felt his stomach drop.

then, wordlessly, he turned and slammed open the door into the waiting room, forcing himself into a seat as he bit back panicked tears. maru's words kept playing back in his head like a broken record, and suddenly, shane realized he might have to face a terrifying world without you in it.

"fuck," he cursed, letting his head fall into his hands to hide the hot tears streaming down his face. at first, he thought he was angry — he always told you to be careful, that you shouldn't be running around so damn carelessly all the time, you're not fuckin' invincible. you never listened, of course, always spewing something stupid about doing what's best for everyone. after hearing that phrase more than a handful of times, shane thought it was pretty reasonable for him to be a little pissed.

in that moment, though, who the hell was he kidding? he was nowhere near pissed; he was scared.

you couldn't die, not yet — not when he just got better, not when he still had so much left to say to you. the thought of never being able to see your smile again made him nauseous, and he wished he could rewind back to the morning so he could tug you back into bed with him. stay, he would say. you're not leaving my side today, alright?

he knew it wouldn't have worked. he would still try, though.

shane didn't realize how long he stayed in the same position until the waiting room doors creaked open, his head shooting up at the sound. harvey greeted him with a nod, which he returned stiffly as he stood up.

"d-did everything go okay?" he asked, swallowing in an attempt to soothe his rough voice. "are they—?"

"they're fine," harvey replied, a small smile upturning his lips at the sound of shane's relieved swears.

"thank fuck, i don't know what i would've— it doesn't matter, can i come in?" he barely waited for a response before slipping past the doctor and finding your bed.

he caught maru on her way out, giving her another nod. she smiled, wider than harvey's, before making her way to the other room.

shane hesitantly grabbed your hand as he sat down in the chair beside you, scared he might break you if he held you too roughly. when you didn't stir, he laced his fingers with yours and held them to his forehead, pressing a firm kiss to the back of your hand.

"you scared the shit out of me," he sighed, shaking his head. "god, i don't know what i would've done if you— if i couldn't—" he couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence, resorting to giving your hand another kiss. "you better wake up, you hear me? i'll fuckin' kill you if you don't." he half expected you to answer. he could hear your voice in his head telling him to stop acting so tough, that you could see right through him.

instead, the sound of your steady breaths filled the room, and even then, shane felt like that was your way of telling him everything would be okay.

[quack-quack-snacks]

Flaming Hearts

My Navigation and Masterlist

Pairing(s): Void Stiles x Phoenix!Fem!Reader Summary: You were always treated like an outcast by the pack. When the nogitsune takes over Stiles's body, he shows you how good being the outcast can feel Warnings: smut, pwp, mean McCall pack, EXTREME OVERSTIMULATION, fingering, cunnilingus, praise kink (tehe), eye contact, vaginal penetration, masochistic Void (kinda for like half a scene), sweet Void, commentary during the deed which is lowkey cringe in some spots my bad y’all, cervix fucking, unprotected sex, reader is not on birth control, Void lowkey baby trapping reader, a lil manipulation but like not bad, updated to have no use of (y/n), I think that’s it lmk if there's more. MINORS CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU KNOW THE WARNINGS YOU’VE READ THEM A THOUSAND TIMES. Word Count: 10,086

This was a very self-indulgent fic and I’m not sorry.

Pt 2 will be linked here when done.

BRO IS BEAUTIFUL WHAT

(GIFs are by @scuddish thank you scuddish for your wonderful contribution)

Life was cruel, but it made up for it with gifts.

You were new in town, a transfer student, living in a single bedroom apartment that was provided for you by your mother as well as helped by the government of Beacon Hills. You’d felt a calling to be here for the longest time and you were relieved your mom let you go. All throughout the first two weeks of your time attending the new school, you were desperately searching for friends or somewhere to fit into with no luck. On one extremely anxious day, you escaped your class to go to the girl’s locker room and break down there.

Until you saw two boys in there. The shock of two boys being in the Female locker room was enough to shake you out of your panicked state and make you wipe the tears from your eyes. With your vision no longer blurred, you could see the claws on his hands and the intense sideburns and fangs.

When once brown eyes turned a bright glowing amber, your body decided that was too much.

And you fainted.

The pack took you in after that - almost as an apology for making you faint - and allowed you to join their group since you knew about the supernatural now. They let you sit with them, invited you to sleepovers - Allison and Lydia mostly but Scott and Isacc surprisingly asked once. You were so happy to finally find a place that you fit in.

Except they never really let you join completely. No trust other than friendly-non supernatural related matters trust was placed in you despite the continuous ways you proved yourself. Being human, you were outcasted in the group of outcasts. Stiles was human but he was the brains. He discovered things no one else could, he was the detective of the group.

You were more like an emotional support human that was only needed like 2% of the time.

Noah Stilinski, the sweetheart that he is and despite his son’s deepest complaints, took over your living situation and let you stay with them for the year while you attended school at Beacon Hills.

Perfect fucking precious Stiles. He was infinitely the worst one in the group. At first he just avoided you at all costs until his dad decided to room you in the same house as him. Ever since, he’d been sending you glares anytime you were in his visibility and would blame you for the simplest of things despite obviously being the cause of them. He was so hard to get along with. Seeing how he acted around everyone else besides you and how everyone else acted around each other made everything worse. You knew you couldn’t leave because of Noah’s insistence to stay here and your mother not paying for housing anymore since she knew of your improved situation.

You also didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to leave these people. The only friends you can remember having. Those who, despite how they cast you out, have treated you decently well, at the very least sometimes, and took you in at your most vulnerable moment.

Stiles just seemed to hate you for whatever reason.

You sighed as you walked through the front door to the Stilinski household. A sigh escaped your mouth as the door closed behind you.

You called out into the house to let anyone home know of your presence. “I’m back!”

The house was eerily quiet and no response hit your ears. You shrugged it off with the thought of all occupants just being out and were a bit relieved you could have the house to yourself for a bit. They barely let you off on your own. Even now when you spent your time out of the house, you were accompanied by Lydia.

You shrugged your rain coat off your shoulders and took off your muddied boots, not wanting to track it into the house and have an excuse for Stiles to hate you even more. Your bones ached from the long day, having been running around all day trying to do whatever you could to help find Stiles. He had been missing for a while and the group barely filled you in on what was happening, just giving you the quick and vague summary about a nogitsune and a missing Stilinski.

With a sigh, you plopped down onto the living room couch and leaned your head on the back cushion. Your eyes closed and you took a moment to just listen to the quiet around you, the only sound the pitter patter of the pouring rain on the roof and windows. It was calm, peaceful even. You couldn’t remember a time where your life wasn’t a chaotic mess since meeting the pack. You sunk more into the cushions and pulled your knees to your chest while grabbing the TV remote and switching it to your favorite channel.

It was all so dark. So dark yet so comforting. Calloused fingertips caressed your forehead and brushed the hair out of your face. You could feel yourself being brought out of the heavenly ignorant bliss the darkness gave you and groaned in complaint. The fingertips stilled on your hairline, slowly retracting and you let out another sound of complaint.

A soft chuckle that sounded familiar but just out of reach for your sleep hazed brain echoed through the room. You felt yourself slipping back into the darkness when the familiar voice spoke.

“They don’t treat you very well do they, dove?”

Your eyes opened almost hesitantly and when you saw the voice’s face you gasped.

There he was. Stiles Stilinski in the flesh, and yet he seemed so different. His skin was paler, his eye bags sunken in and were a light purple. He looked… hot.

You shook that thought away the moment it popped into your head.

His hand, now resting on your cheek with a gentle grip, was feverish, almost to the point of uncomfort, but not quite.

And then you realized.

It was Stiles.

“Oh my god! Stiles what the hell?” You shot up to sit straight but his hand holding your cheek quickly traveled to your throat and he forced you back down, not holding enough to restrict air flow or hurt, but enough for you to get the message not to move. That and the glare he gave you. A sound of surprise sounded from your mouth unwillingly. “Um.” your eyes traveled from his unnaturally dark eyes to the wrist of the hand wrapped around your neck. “Okay, haha, you’re really funny but you can let go now.” You tried to laugh it off and deescalate the situation despite your growing weariness.

“Now why would I do that, when you look so pretty wearing my hand as a necklace?” He tilted his head and his eyes ran over your body slowly, seeing you shift under his gaze and his smirk growing with each movement.

“Wha- huh?” That was about all the words you could say, nothing coherent coming out of your mouth as you weren’t sure if you were flustered, annoyed, or turned on.

Maybe it was all three.

“Stiles, stop messing around. Everyone has been worried sick about you, they’ve spent the last 2 days searching for you nonstop. We need to call Scott and let him know you’re here and okay.” Although ‘okay’ doesn’t seem like the correct term. Sure, Stiles seemed unharmed, despite the obvious lack of sleep showing on his face - although that was relatively normal for him and his insomnia - but his tone, posture, and manners were way different. It almost seemed as if he had become a different person overnight.

He chuckled again, even his voice seemed deeper. Darker. “Oh I’m sure Scott knows exactly how I’m doing, considering I was at school earlier today. Oh… wait, they didn’t tell you, did they?” His face shifted into a mocking pout. “Poor little dove, outcast even in a place surrounded by people of supernatural abilities. The outcast of the outcasts. A fitting title don’t you think?” His words stung a little but it was nothing you yourself hadn’t already thought of. Him saying it just confirmed your thoughts.

“I mean, they don’t trust you at all. Despite everything you have put yourself through to prove yourself to them, they’ve just pushed it all to the side just because you’re different.” You were getting sick of him taunting you, just approving everything you’ve been telling yourself for the past two months. You rolled your eyes in annoyance and, fed up, you raised your hands to his wrist and tried to pry it off your neck. As soon as your fingers touched the skin of his hand - with a speed you barely saw - he removed his hand from your neck, using both hands to grab your wrists and pin them above your head to the couch’s armrest. He smirked at your dumbfounded expression and shocked stutters.

“You see, I’ve been watching it for a while now, the faltered smiles when one of them would make a comment to the group and cast you out. When they talked about their plans at lunch when you weren’t sitting with them yet and immediately shutting up when you got into ear shot. The way when even you don’t know, they are always following you, always watching. Making sure you were being a good girl.” He smirked once again and shifted your hands to be held by only one of his. The, now freed, hand forced your curled up legs to straighten and then he moved to straddle above you. You were pretty sure your eyes could just pop out of their sockets by how wide they were. His face dipped down and he pressed his nose to your jugular, his lips just barely touching your skin and lightly brushing against it when he talked again.

“But you’ve always been a good girl, haven’t you?” Your breath caught as his teeth lightly skimmed over your neck, canines feeling more elongated and sharper than normal. A shiver went down your spine as his tongue peeked out and slid up your neck until he was right next to your ear.

“Will you be a good girl for me now, dove?”

A whimper almost escaped your bite swollen lips at the pet name, your cheeks heating up and a warmth swirling in your core. “S-Stiles, what’s gotten into you?”

He growled and bit down on your neck harshly, making you release a yelp before it transformed into a muffled moan as he smoothed his tongue over it. “Don’t. Call me that.”

“Call you what? Your name?” You asked, so confused by everything that was happening. Confused on why Stiles was acting this way, confused by why he wouldn’t call Scott, confused on why now of all times your attraction to Stiles had to come out.

You’ve always thought Stiles was attractive. The muscles he hid underneath his baggy flannels, the short glimpse you would see whenever he took his lacrosse jersey off after practice or a game before heading to the locker rooms, and that pretty face that haunted your dreams. Now, it seemed the attraction was even worse because of this new arrogant, cocky, full of himself, and confident attitude. He wasn’t pretty anymore, he was bewitchingly hot.

It also didn’t help that something unmistakable was poking your lower stomach.

“That’s not my name.” He said before quickly positioning himself to be kneeling on the couch in front of you between your legs, your thighs wrapped around his waist and his clothed erection so close to your heat a soft whimper escaped your mouth against your will. He grabbed your neck again, forcing you to look him in the eyes as he smirked and jutted his hips forward.

A gasp that quickly turned into a moan left you and you struggled against his grip on your hands as your cheeks heated, embarrassed by the sounds you were making. You didn’t necessarily want him to stop, you just wanted to cover your mouth so no sound would come out.

As if he could read your thoughts, he spoke. “Oh no no. You’re not going to hide those pretty little noises from me. In fact,” he leaned his face in close, your noses touching and lips inches apart. “I’ve decided I’m going to make you unable to stop making them.” His lips met yours as he thrust his clothed sex against yours again, swallowing the moan that left your mouth. He grinded against you, teasingly slow and you could feel his lips turning into a grin as you tried to quiet your whimpers and moans.

Just as his hand managed to unbuckle your pants, your phone rang from the kitchen counter. Stiles broke the kiss and stared at you with an outraged and lust filled look. He let you get up to go answer the phone with an eye roll.

It was Scott.

“Hey Sco-”

His frantic voice panically calling your name cut you off. “Where are you?”

“Uh, I’m… at home? Or- shit, not my home, the Stilinski home.”

A short sigh of relief was heard through the phone. “Okay, good. Stay there. Lock the doors and windows, do not let anyone in. Absolutely no one, do you understand me? No one! Not until we tell you it’s safe.”

“Scott, it's a bit late for that. Stiles came home a while ago, I’m not sure when bu-”

“Stiles is with you?” Scott’s voice yelled through the phone and you winced before replying.

“Yeah we’ve been… in the living room for the past 20 minutes or so.”

“Get the hell out of there,” Scott said sternly with a bit of fear and anxiety mixed in.

“What? Why?”

His voice broke a little as he spoke your name with a fearful tone. “That’s not Stiles.”

A hand landed over your mouth just as you were about to say something else while another gently took the phone from your grasp. The shock and slight fear of the situation took over both your flight and fight senses, leaving freeze as the only option. Stiles, or not-Stiles, brought the phone up to his ear as Scott shouted through it, his every word stated clearly despite being heard through the phone when not on speaker.

“Sorry, Scottie. Why don’t you call back later? Your girl's a little busy right now.” With that, he hung up.

You turned around slowly only to have Stiles, or not-Stiles, standing inches away from you with a massive evil grin shaping his face. You took a step back only to realize you had no room because of the kitchen counter. Not-Stiles took a single step forward and then grabbed the counter on either side of your body, trapping you. He stuck his face into your neck again, breathing deeply before speaking.

“And here I was wanting to drag it out for a while longer.” He leaned back and looked you straight in the eye with the most genuine smile you had seen from him all night, if not ever. “But alas, not today.” He raised his hand and swiftly brought it down to a pressure point on your neck, knocking you out instantly and catching you with a soft grip as you fell. “Until next time, dove.”

A violent shake and iron tight grips on your biceps violently woke you up, Allison standing above your lying position on the Stilinski couch and looking at you with frantic panicked eyes that calmed when she saw you awaken.

“Oh thank god. You had me worried for a moment there.” She grabbed your hand and lifted you more harshly than you would have liked and you rubbed your wrist when she turned away. “Something’s going on. We need to go to Scott’s house, everyone is already there waiting for us.”

You knew better than to ask any questions. They would tell you what they would tell you and nothing more.

Looking around for your phone, you noticed it was nowhere to be seen and you remembered the events of last night.

Last night…

It had been a whole night since you had seen him. Since Scott had called.

Did they really take a whole night to come see you? To make sure you were okay?

The car ride there was silent and you could feel your anxiety rising the more the silence dragged on. A breath of relief left you as you saw Scott’s house pull up. Allison rushed straight into the house, leaving you behind without a second thought and you rolled your eyes to hide the pain it caused you.

When you entered the house, the chattering from the pack in the kitchen stopped abruptly and they all looked at you. Scott hesitated before he took a few steps toward you and brought you into an awkward hug.

“I’m glad you’re okay. We were all worried.”

You looked around once he let you go and almost scoffed. Oh yeah, they all look really worried. Didn’t have enough time to send someone over to make sue I was alive but they’re so worried.

Over time, they casted you out more and more and became more distant. You were completely left in the dust. Not even just for supernatural matter. Lydia and Allison stopped inviting you for sleepovers; Scott and Isaac stopped having lunch with you outside underneath the apple tree near the lacrosse field; Stiles, funnily enough, was the only one who stayed the same, if not lessened up on the glaring.

You heard a soft speaking from behind you and whipped around to see a sight that made you gasp.

There was Stiles. He was sitting on the couch with a piece of black tape covering his mouth with Melissa sitting next to him, her head in her hands. His eyes shone brightly when he caught sight of you and he tilted his head slightly to the side in a way that made you shift. It was like yesterday’s events were playing on repeat in his eyes and you couldn’t look away.

“I think it’s time we filled you in.” Scott said from behind you and it brought you out of the trance like state Stiles/Not-Stiles had you in.

“Yeah, you’re goddamn right it is.” You said and crossed your arms over your chest. Scott looked slightly shocked at your behavior and scratched the back of his neck. Just as he was about to open his mouth, you interrupted him. “Don’t even. I am getting so sick of how you all treat me. I have proven myself over and over again and you all just refuse to believe that I am on your side. What do I have to do for you to trust me? Do I need to sacrifice a lamb for you to trust me, oh my Lord Jesus Christ?” The last sentence was uttered with as much sarcasm as you could muster. Your outburst left everyone temporarily paralyzed in shock - as you had barely ever raised your voice at them - before a loud, albeit muffled, cackle interrupted the odd silence. You didn’t even have to turn around to know the Stiles imposter was looking at the show with mirth filled eyes.

“We- we never meant-” Scott started.

“Oh shut up, now is not the time for your excuses. Not to mention you practically left me for dead last night after you called, Scottie.” You spat his name out with a venom coated tongue as you interrupted him again and rolled your eyes. “Just fill me in on whatever the hell has happened to Stiles so we can all move on in our lives.”

He nodded and started to tell you everything about the nogitsune, how he had taken over Stiles, how he had stabbed Scott, how he almost killed Kira. By the end of the story you were surprisingly not even phased, whether that be because your mind was used to everything being crazy in your life while involved with the pack or how you just didn’t care. It’s not like they ever treated you that well, sure they were your friends but they were your friends by convenience and force, not choice.

And Void, that is what the nogitsune possessing Stiles’ body was called, well, he was just something else. The events yesterday may be shifting your bias but it was undeniable. You had felt an attraction like never before during those short and blissful moments. It didn’t even feel like Stiles. You know that even if Stiles had ever done something like that, he would never have had the confidence like Void did. And it was a feeling that made you squirm in your seat on the kitchen stool.

The hairs on the back of your neck prickled and you risked a glimpse behind to see Void already glaring into your eyes, his eyes darkened by a feeling you could only describe as complete and utter desire.

He wanted you. And if the chance were to come, who were you to deny him?

After 10 minutes of trying to figure out a plan and speaking in hushed tones to avoid Void hearing, Lydia had given in and called someone, you didn’t know who but it seemed everyone else did.

Once again they left you out. Even after you lectured them about how much they did that.

More waiting happened until the bang of the front door being slammed open interrupted your increasingly anxious thoughts. With a too gleeful expression for the situation on his face, the one and only Peter Hale stood in the doorway with his arms opened in a grand gesture.

You all gave him a deadpan stare.

He rolled his eyes and walked up to all of you, more specifically, to you. He tilted his head as he noticed your eyes. You turned your head to control yourself. When you were anxious, or just feeling any strong emotion, your eyes seemed as if the irises caught on fire. They were frighteningly beautiful.

And you hated them.

As your heart steadied and you raised your head back to the group again, Peter’s interested gaze had shifted away from you and to Lydia with a knowing look before walking to Stiles. As he crouched in front of him and inspected his state of being, he spoke. “He doesn’t look like he would survive a slap across the face, much less the bite of a werewolf.” You assumed Lydia already filled him in on what the situation was and what the plan was.

“You don’t think it would work?” Scott asked anxiously as he picked at the skin around his fingers.

“This is more a war of the mind than the body.” Peter stood back up to his full height. “There are better methods to winning this battle.” The mischievous glimpse in his eyes made you worried about what these ‘better methods’ were.

“What methods are you thinking of?” the veterinarian, Deaton, asked, his expression also showing concern.

Peter turned to face the rest of you. “We’re going to get in his head.”

As soon as he said that, he walked toward Lydia and roughly grabbed her by the elbow. With her being right next to me, you instinctively reached out and grabbed the wrist attached to the hand holding her. Peter’s loud unbridled yelp of pain made you rip your hand off him and he cradled his wrist as you caught a glimpse of it.

It was completely scorched.

Your face morphed into one of horror as your eyes flicker between the burn marks on his wrist that were, thankfully, already healing and the ashes on your palm.

“Oh my god! What did you do?” Lydia screamed at you and panicked as she grabbed Peter's arm, careful not to touch the wound.

“I- I didn’t- I don’t-” You kept trying to speak but your mind was panicking and your body was overwhelmed with shock and fear. Fear of yourself.

“It’s quite alright Lydia.” Peter said after a second when his hand had healed for the most part, it seemed the wound looked much worse than it actually was and all that remained was a red handprint and some ashes.

“I-I’m so sorry, I-I don’t know what happened.” You held the hand you used to your chest as if to protect everyone else from it. Deaton walked up from behind you and put his hand on your shoulder before flinching away.

“Your skin is burning. Scott, get her some ice.” Scott rushed to the fridge and brought out an ice pack. He practically shoved it into your hands before pulling his hand away quickly. He tried to hide it but his eyes showed fear.

It hurt, seeing them all looking at you like that. They tried to hide it but they looked at you the same way they looked at Void. They looked at you like you were a monster.

The ice pack in your hands was such a contrast to your burning skin that it forced your brain to focus on its contrasting temperature until you realized it was melting through your palms. You quickly hid your hands and the melted plastic of the ice pack in your pockets before anyone could see.

Anyone besides the boy sitting on the couch that is.

Peter reached for Lydia again, slowly this time and much gentler than before. You didn’t even look at them as they walked away, choosing instead to just stand there with your eyes focused on the hand you burned the man with.

After a while, they came back to the group and you all migrated to the couch where Stiles sat. You avoided his eyes like the plague, knowing they were zoned in on your every move and smiling in delight when he knew he’d gotten to you with just his mere presence.

Lydia was seated on one end of the couch, Void the other, with Scott standing behind the couch in the middle of them. Peter moved Scott’s fingers to align with the correct place to connect them all into Stiles’ mind palace.

“So what do we do if we do find him?” Scott asked.

“You’re going to have to guide him out somehow…” Peter replied vaguely which caused Scott and Lydia to both become increasingly annoyed and you rested your elbows on your knees before holding your head in your hands.

“Could you elaborate on ‘somehow?’ It’s not feeling very specific at the moment.” Lydia sighed with a slight roll of her eyes.

Peter shrugged, “Improvise.”

“Mm. Improvise he says.” you muttered under your breath but everyone ignored you.

Everyone except the murderous brown eyes burning a hole through your skull.

“What if this is just another trick?” Scott worried.

The grown wolf groaned in annoyance and exasperation. “When are you people going to start trusting me?”

You scoffed, thinking the exact same thing.

Scott’s eyes flickered between you and the hyena before he said, “I meant him.” And pointed to the possessed body on the couch. You finally raised your gaze to watch the scene unfold and felt your heart settle into your lower region when you saw Void. His head leaned against the back of the couch, tilted to the side as his eyes were focused on you, an enchanting and hungry look settling in his eyes as they gazed at you. He gave you a slow once over and everything around you tuned out as you felt your body heat up and pool in your panties. You could tell, if the black tape covering his lips was off, he would be sporting a very arrogant smirk.

A synchronized gasp from all three members near the couch broke your gaze with him as his eyes closed and his head fully fell against the back of the couch, face now facing the ceiling.

You almost stood up to go to him before a sigh from Peter faltered your movements and he spoke.

“Now we wait.”

And wait you did. It seemed like time was not in your favor when everything your life had become to know as normal was at stake. It couldn’t have been more than 30 minutes, but to you?

It felt like hours.

Blood dripped down Lydia’s nose and Peter ran up to her, shaking her as he screamed at her to concentrate and that she was stronger than this.

Personally, you couldn’t draw your eyes away from Void. His breathing was soft, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he swallowed and chest rising and falling with each inhale and outhale.

Meanwhile another Hale was pissing you off.

Just as you were about to call him out for being too loud, A collective gasp from the two non-possessed members near the couch once again interrupted you.

Melissa rushed toward Lydia to help her and Scott took a few deep breaths before focusing all his attention to the Stiles look-alike. “Did it work?” He asked frantically. You sighed and rested your head against your knees, arms wrapping around your shins to hug yourself in disappointment, the anticipation disintegrating into the thin air.

“What happened? Why didn’t it work?” Lydia stood up quickly and rushed to Peter, demanding answers he evidently couldn’t provide.

“Because it’s not science, Lydia, it’s supernatural.” Peter sighed before grabbing her arm and pulling her toward him menacingly and they spoke in hushed whispers before Void shot forward onto his knees to the floor.

Like a circus act, a seemingly unending length of fabric spit from Void’s mouth and he used both hands to pull it out. Unnerving moments went by as everyone watched before all the scarf-like material was out of his mouth and he scrambled back to sit on the couch again, panting with his head resting against the cushion and his eyes closed.

There was clattering and yells to the side but you just stood carefully and walked to where Stiles was sitting on the couch. You sighed in nervousness before touching his shoulder softly and attempting to comfort him since all the others of the pack were focused on the clump of fabric behind you.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay, everything will work out. Just calm down.” You went to pull your hand away as his breathing slowed but he reached up and grabbed it with a speed non-human. Your heartbeat started rising again as the realization dawned on you.

He opened his eyes and looked at you with a smirk and heavy lidded eyes. “You’re right dove.” He tugged on your hand and you fell forward into him, his free arm wrapping around your waist aggressively. Or was it possessively? “Everything will work out.”

You awoke in a cold concrete walled room, the only warmth over you being your clothes and a soft woven blanket that did a surprisingly good job at staving off the chill. A soft padded queen size mattress with no support laid underneath to separate you from the frigid floor. You couldn’t remember passing out but you knew exactly where you were.

Or rather, who you were with.

Getting a sense of deja vu, calloused fingertips traced over your forehead to your hairline before going back again in a figure 8 pattern.

Your heart beat rose and his fingers trailed from your forehead to your neck, right over your pulse. You opened your eyes and looked at him where he sat; he looked genuinely happy, in a sick, twisted way. Despite how comforting the smile was, it sent shivers down your back that you couldn’t tell were pleasant or not.

“Hi dove.”

His voice broke you out of the trance his hypnotizing eyes put you under every time. You sat up quickly and scooted away from him, falling off the bed - luckily not falling down far because of how low the mattress was to the ground - and looked at him with conflicted thoughts and emotions.

He looked faux surprised and hurt by your actions, standing up and walking toward you as you scrambled to your feet to get away from him. “What’s wrong? You were so enthusiastic about it earlier, what changed?” You gasped as your back hit the concrete of the wall and he cornered you, one hand going to rest against the wall next to your head and the other holding your waist under your shirt. His fingers against your skin felt incredibly hot compared to the cold seeping through your shirt from the wall. He leaned in to speak again and his breath hit your lips with every word. “I promise I won't bite.”

Liar.

He leaned into your neck but didn’t touch you, only letting you feel the heat emanating from his body but not the skin. He took a deep breath in and you had to bite your lip and clench your eyes shut to stop yourself from falling to his feet.

It hadn’t gone away. The undeniable urge to just jump his bones and feel more of that pleasure he seemed so willing to offer.

“But of course, it's no fun if you don’t consent…” he leaned back and the hand that was previously on the wall next to your head traveled to your neck which he tilted upwards to lengthen your neck and looked at you with a smirk and hungry eyes ready to devour you. “So why don’t you be a good girl and tell me how much you want this,” he leaned in and his lips brushed against your ear as he spoke, “I can practically hear you throbbing.”

A soft whimper left you when his hand on your waist drifted to tug your pants down the slightest bit but never went farther without you answering. A few moments of silence passed, only interrupted by your soft pants, and he sighed in disappointment, his grip on your neck and waist slowly being removed.

Your eyes shot open from their closed state, you didn’t stop to think about when they had closed, and you grabbed his hands before they could leave your body. He looked at you expectantly and you opened and closed your mouth like a fish a few times before answering him with a soft and whispered: “I want it.”

His grip returned to your skin but his hand tugging your pants traveled back to your waist to draw little shapes there, tickling you just the slightest bit. “Oh dove, I’m proud of you for trying, but that’s not what I want.” His hand around your throat tightened pleasantly. “I want you to beg.”

Your eyes widened and you forced your cheeks to cool and swallowed your pride.

“Please?” You tried, weakly.

“Oh I know you can do better than that. Try again.” He didn’t say it as a suggestion.

With a deep breath and your hand, still around the wrist grabbing your neck, tightening, you did what he wanted.

You begged.

“Please, please I want it. I do, please, just… just do something, please! Anything! Please… P-please.”

He had a pleased smirk on his face as he leaned in so you were only a few inches apart. You could feel his breath on your neck with every exhale.

“How much do you want?” He taunted.

“Everything. Whatever you'll give me.” You told him with a tone of desperation.

He smirked and looked at you approvingly before crushing his lips against yours in a brutal kiss that sent you to cloud 9. Your hands traveled to his hair and you pulled on it roughly as you kissed back with just as much fervor. You felt him groan into the kiss and you grinned, but it soon faded as a moan formed when he pressed his fingertips to your core through your pants.

“My, my. All this just from kissing? You flatter me.” He spoke against your lips in a low tone. You knew exactly what he was talking about. You were absolutely soaked. The moment he started walking toward you, you felt the warmth in your core building and it hadn’t stopped since. Your head fell back against the wall and Void kissed down your neck to your collarbone, leaving bruises and hickeys in his wake. Applying more pressure, he dragged his hand up your core, pausing momentarily to draw tiny intense circles to your clit before using his hand to skillfully undo the buttons and pull your pants down. He broke the kiss to kneel down before you and look you straight in the eyes as he dragged the pants down your legs excruciatingly slowly. You hadn’t noticed previously but now realized your shoes were gone.

Who would’ve thought Void wouldn’t want dirty shoes on the mattress. Huh.

He stood back up to his full height and looked down at you as he rubbed your heat over your panties. He studied every expression you made and committed them to memory. His expression soon changed to one of annoyance, angry at the lack of skin to skin contact between the two of you. He ripped the undergarment into pieces before taking a step back to strip off his shirt. He paused just as he was about to step to you again.

You squirmed under his gaze as he gave you a long once over and his eyes stopped on yours. Another emotion in his eyes, one you couldn’t quite recognize, clouded over his lust temporarily. “What?” You asked self consciously and moved your hands to cover yourself, thinking he didn’t like your body.

Before your hands could even reach past your hips, he reached out and grabbed each wrist, ignoring your shocked gasp and pinned them against the wall beside your head. “Don’t ever fucking do that again. You’re insecure? You don’t think you’re attractive?” He taunted angrily. He pressed his lower body into yours, his rather large, clothed, erection pressing to your bare clit as he grinded it into you. You moaned and he leaned into your neck again, being much rougher than he was a minute ago. “Ya feel that? That is all you dove. You fucking did that to me. You do that to me wearing baggy clothes and no makeup. You do that to me fresh out of bed in the morning with your hair in knots. You’re doing that to me right now, trapped between me and the wall, a silly shirt covering your divine breasts and nothing else.” He bit down on your shoulder hard enough to draw blood and you let out a loud moan. “You’ll take responsibility for it soon enough.” He arranged your hands to touch and he grabbed them both with one hand, the other sliding down, spending time to caress your breasts and pinch your nipples through the thin shirt fabric. He moved lower and lower until he reached your heat and thrust two fingers in with no warning. Without even letting you adjust, not that you really needed to with how wet you were, he started pounding his fingers into you. You started moaning uncontrollably and struggled to get out of his grip to hold onto something. He humored you and released your hands. Immediately they fell to his shoulders and then wrapped around his neck to pull his face into your neck where he started to leave his love bites. He grabbed the back of your right thigh and lifted it, wrapping it around his waist which allowed him to hit deeper. With every thrust, he curled his fingers and they hit you right in your pleasure spot.

Soon enough you could feel a knot forming in your stomach. It built and built and you warned Void about what was incoming.

“Oh that’s right, cum on my fingers dove. Let me know who makes you feel this good. Stiles could never fuck you like this. He could never bring you to such pleasure. To the point where your every bone quakes and sings in an overwhelming amount of pleasure that I alone am giving you.” His grip on your waist tightened to the line bordering between pain and pleasure just as his thrusts sped up to a pace faster than you believed even possible.

“Cum.”

And you did just that. Your bones really did quake and sing with pleasure. Your body writhed and you thrust yourself against Void’s fingers, grinding yourself through your orgasm despite him not slowing down and riding you through too.

Your orgasm slowed down to a stop and you took a deep breath before another loud and unrestricted moan released during your exhale and you noticed Void had yet to stop or even slow down.

“Ah, st-slow do-down-! It’s-ah-it’s too much!” You begged and yet he just smirked and increased his pace.

“Oh sweetheart, isn’t this what you wanted? You told me you wanted everything, you wanted all of it.” You swallowed in a lust filled fear as he smirked even wider. “So darling, you are going to take all of it.”

He led you on to another orgasm by his fingers alone. Your puffy clit was begging for attention after being neglected for so long. When you reached your high, he slowed down and pulled his fingers out. You bit the inside of your cheek to stop from whining at the emptiness. He brought his fingers to his lips and stared you straight in the eyes as he brought them into his mouth and moaned at the taste.

You blushed and tried to look away until his free hand came up to grab your jaw roughly and force you to face him as he licked and sucked at his fingers, prolonging your embarrassment.

When he was satisfied with how much embarrassment he could feel radiating off you, he pulled his fingers out of his mouth with a pop before he grinned. His hands gently placed themselves on each of your hips and he leaned in until your lips barely grazed each other’s.

“That little taste just makes me want to have more. Which reminds me, I haven’t had my dinner yet. Do you mind?” You tried to lean forward and kiss him but he just leaned his head back until you gave an answer. You nodded your head no and he grinned.

“There’s my good girl.”

He leaned in and kissed you softly, so softly it distracted you from the hands on your hips traveling to your butt and quickly lifting you to wrap your legs around his waist. Without moving his feet an inch, the wall behind you suddenly disappeared and he threw you down onto the queen bed mattress. You landed with a small bounce.

You looked at him in shock and confusion but he just grinned and winked.

Teleportation. Huh. Must be a nogitsune thing.

He kneeled down in front of the bed and ripped your shirt off before grabbing your thighs to bring you to the edge. You yelped and stared as he lifted your legs over his shoulders, the backs of your knees curving over them. He gave another little wink before diving in.

You moaned as his lips finally gave attention to your clit and a shock of pleasure swarmed through your veins. Your head fell against the mattress and your eyes clenched shut when the euphoria became too much to your, still sensitive, core.

A loud slap and the stinging on your outer thigh caused you to flick your eyes open and look at the man between your legs.

“The next time you look away from me I will edge you for three new moons.” He spoke right against your cunt and you could feel the vibrations surging through your clit. With a moan, you nodded and adjusted yourself to lean on your elbows and look at him. He brought his tongue out to lick a long stride up your cunt and collected your slick in his mouth before going straight back into his meal.

You had no doubt he would stay true to his word if you looked away, so you kept your eyes firmly on him, despite every protest in your veins to close your eyes when it became too much.

When the coil in your gut built up again, he could feel you approaching your orgasm and looked you right in the eyes. You blushed and were so tempted to look away but he tightened his grip on your thighs in a warning.

You came again for the third time. You tried your best to keep your eyes on him but they fluttered shut every few seconds as he kept licking and sucking at your overstimulated clit.

When he seemed satisfied two mind blowing orgasms later, he climbed up your body, one of your legs falling to surround his waist while the other he kept suspended over his shoulder.

“You did so well. You’re such a good girl, following orders with no questions.” He kissed you and you could taste yourself on his tongue. “They don’t deserve you, they never did.” He murmured against your lips before his head traveled to the curve of your neck and shoulder.

He took his pants and boxers off in no time, rubbing the head of his cock through your slick folds and over your clit.

Your mind was racing with too many conflicting emotions to comprehend: want, fear, lust, panic. You looked down and saw him.

He was big. Bigger than any guy you’ve ever seen, not that that was many considering you were a virgin.

“I am going to ruin you. No one else will ever be able to make you feel the way I do. Every time you cum from this point on will be from my body, no one else's.” He spoke menacingly while he watched in awe as your overstimulated clit twitched whenever he ran the head of his dick across it. The mushroom tip of his cock caught along your entrance through every glide up and down until he stopped and pushed it fully in.

“Wait, wai-ngh!” You tried but got interrupted by your own moan when he thrusted all the way in to the hilt, his tip pressed against your cervix in a mind blanking way. The sting of the stretch was there but was completely oversighted by the immense pleasure that came with it. You gasped at the feeling and wrapped your arms around his shoulder to scratch at his back. His back quickly covered in nail marks and marks of ash and burned skin.

You gasped in horror at the unwilled release of your fire until he moaned loudly - filled with both pleasure at the pain and entrance of your slick walls. Any sounds he had tried to hide completely spilled out. “Shit, keep doing that d-dove. Mark me all you want. Make me yours. F-feels so good; you’re so tight. Are you a virgin or something? You’re squeezing me to death, I don’t know how much longer I can take with you so tight around me.”

You froze at the accusation and turned your head the opposite of his, not answering his question.

A sigh escaped you when he started leaving kisses on your neck, slowly dragging out of your entrance before entering back just as slowly. An elongated moan left your mouth when he hit a certain spot on his way back in.

“Oh it’s alright my sweet girl. This just means I’m able to take another thing Stiles has been longing for. If only I was able to take your first kiss too.”

You almost missed what he said when he snapped his hips into yours harder and you sputtered unintelligible words at the movement.

“He-agh-he what?” You asked him as he left a soft bite on your clavicle.

“Oh yeah, I don’t think there was a corner of his mind that wasn’t filled with the idea of you. Poor little Stiles couldn’t stop imagining you like this.” He mocked. “He would’ve fucked you with your chest to the bed and you ass sticking up all nice and pretty but I don’t think you’d like that, would you sweet girl?”

Your heart skipped as he rose to look into your eyes. “No, I don't think you would.” He roughly snapped his hips to yours again before putting on a mock sympathetic look. “You want them to look at you as you’re getting pleasure you’ve never before received.” Another harsh thrust and you moaned loudly which he silenced by sticking two fingers in your mouth and pressing down on your tongue. Your lips immediately wrapped around his and you grazed your teeth along the sensitive skin. He tasted like salt and your cum along with a hint of blood. “You want that skin to skin contact as they bring you within an inch of your life and back.” Another thrust. “You want someone to make love to you, no fucking around.”

You moaned especially loud at that. You didn’t want to lose your virginity for something that wasn’t going to mean anything. You’ve known Void for less than two days and yet you feel more connected with him than all the McCall pack combined. It seems he feels the same way from how he’s talking.

“I'm the one who took your first time, and I will be the one to look into your eyes as you receive the pleasure I am giving you; I will be the skin you feel against your own as I move inside you;” He paused for a second as he leaned down and took one of your nipples into his mouth, biting softly on the nub, and smiling as you whimpered in return. “I will be the one to make love to you.”

You grabbed the hand thats fingers were in your mouth and pulled them out before grabbing his cheeks between and pulling him into an aggressive kiss. You whimpered and moaned as he sped up, reaching deeper and deeper with every thrust. The hand that was once in your mouth traveled down your body slowly, smearing your saliva across your nipples as he played with them before settling against your clit. Just the slightest graze from his fingers made your spine arch up into his chest in anticipation and pleasure. He started rubbing figure eights into the pleasure bud, matching them with the pace of his thrusts.

Your lips opened in a moan and Void took the opportunity to shove his tongue against yours. He took control of the kiss instantly and rubbed his tongue along every inch of the inside of your mouth, exploring it like looking for treasure marked on a treasure map.

You tried to speak and warn him about your upcoming orgasm but you couldn’t drive his mouth away from yours, needing to breathe in through your nose every minute or so so you didn’t pass out. He pressed the fingers against your clit down harder as if to encourage you to cum and and you came beautifully. It was the most intense orgasm you’ve experienced tonight if not ever. Your body was shaking in exhaustion after the multiple orgasm you’d received within the last 30 minutes, or was it closer to 2 hours? You weren’t sure but honestly didn’t care. You could feel by the way Void broke the kiss and pushed his head into the crook of your neck along with the tensing of his back muscles that he was nearing his orgasm as well.

Then it occured to you, this whole time he was using no protection.

And you weren’t on birth control.

“N-no-agh-you gotta pull o-out. ‘Might get pre-ngh-pregnant. I’m not on birth c-control.” You focused all your energy on speaking despite the overwhelming overstimulating feeling of him driving his dick into your cervix and his thumb making you lose every thought that came to your head with his torturous but amazing touches.

He suddenly came to a complete stop inside of you. His dick twitched as the only sounds heard were your heavy breath and whines of complaint despite your better judgment.

“You’re not on birth control?” He asked into your neck, skimming his lips along your carotid artery.

“No.” You whispered.

You felt him grin that same evil grin you’ve seen before against your neck before biting down hard on your neck and withdrawing his hips from yours. You cried out at the feelings of pain and emptiness overflowing your senses.

“You don’t wanna have my babies, is that it?” He whispered into your neck with a tone that sounded almost heartbroken. You knew it was fake yet something in you just wanted to comfort him.

“N-no that’s not-”

He sat up abruptly, his cock now only half an inch in your entrance. The leg that rested on his shoulder fell to surround his waist with the other one and he sat back on his heels while grabbing your hips. His face looked so sad as he gazed down at you and yet his eyes seemed to hold a completely different emotion.

“Why not, dove? I’d give you everything.” His grip on your hips tightened and he slowly pulled your hips into his using only the strength of his arms. He slid back into you easily and his tip settled against a spot that had your eyes rolling into the back of your head and mouth opening in a low moan. Void grinned as he saw your reaction before returning to the pitiful look as he drew his hips back out again. His lips quirked up the slightest bit as you whined out. Pulling your hips into his roughly, he kept you there as you moaned louder. “I mean, if you really want me to stop…” He slowly started retreating out of your warmth as he trailed off before your arms wrapped around his neck.

“No!” You yelled before whispering almost like an echo, “No.” You breathed heavily in his ear, sputtering as you tried to get the next sentence out with his tip prodding against your cervix ever so delightfully. “Please don’t stop, y-you just can’t c-cum inside.”

He thrusted roughly into you again and your arms lost all strength as the mind blowing pleasure took over your mind. He repeated that cycle. Slowly pull out, roughly snap back in. Over and over and over. It made you whimper and cry out every time, wishing he would just bring you to the ecstacy you’ve been nearing instead of leaving you teetering on the edge of relief.

“Oh you feel so good baby, gonna cum, gonna cum, gonna cum.” He repeated like a mantra as his hips fastened and he pushed into you even harder.

Your mind was fogging over as you finally got the pleasure you needed to reach your orgasm. You barely had the strength to move your tongue and speak out your protests that were weakening by the second, you actually wanted his cum. You want it to be spilling out as you stand up, soaking your underwear as you walk around. You just were so scared of being pregnant. Your sister got pregnant when she was around your age. Your mother completely freaked when she found out and banished - yes, banished - her from the house forever.

Would Void stay? You still weren’t exactly sure what his intentions with you were. Was he going to kill you after this? Was he going to make you pregnant and leave you alone to raise the child on your own?

Apparently, Void could sense the onslaught of fear and panic creeping into your mind because he shoved his face into your neck and dug the pads of his fingers into your hips even harder. There was surely going to be a bruise the next coming day.

“Oh you’re going to look so good pregnant with my kids. God it just makes me so hard thinking about it. I wonder what they’ll look like, will they have your eyes or mine? God I hope they have yours so I can stare into them all day no matter where I am. This is the one thing I need to do to make you mine. You gonna let me make you mine, Dove? You gonna let me cum inside?” His pace slowed to a comforting, intimate pace. It brought you even closer to the edge just thinking he liked you enough to stay, maybe even loved you from how he was thrusting into you now.

You took a few moments to think about it before your mouth outran your thoughts. “Yes! Yes, Void, please. Please fill me up.”

He kissed your neck softly as his pace fastened again but still kept the intimacy from before. He pushed back the hood of your clit and started rubbing harshly on the overstimulated puffy bud of pleasure, making you lose all coherent thoughts and abilities to do anything but moan out his name. With a stuttered thrust, he pushed in all the way and came inside you. The feeling was enough to make you fall over the edge right with him. You both laid there in each-others arms while you tried to catch your breathing.

Void caught his a lot faster.

With a chuckle, and his dick as hard as when you started, he grabbed both of your legs, raising them so they were resting on his shoulders and he had you in the mating press and pressed your thighs against your breasts as he thrust into you with no reprieve. He pulled out of you before pushing back in, a torturously slow pace that made your body writhing and squirming. You gasped at the feeling and squirmed in his hold from the overstimulation. This new position made it so he hit your g-spot on every thrust in with no effort. As he brought one hand down to your clit again and rubbed so deliciously hard and slow, just like the pace he had set for his thrusts into you, you couldn’t take it anymore and came yet again. He had brought you to another orgasm in less than 2 minutes.

“Oh, you didn’t think we were done yet, did you, Dove? We have to make sure it sticks, don’t we baby? Gotta get you nice and knocked up with my kids. We can’t just stop now.”

With each slow thrust and the overstimulation, it didn’t take long before you came again and Void had the biggest smirk on his face as he watched you.

“V-void! P-ple-I can-can’t take anymore. I can't, I can't, I can't!”

He just laughed at you and your protesting words, capturing your hands that were weakly trying to push him away and forcing them to stay above your head where they were restricted of all movement. He pressed down even harder on your clit and you let out a yelp of a moan as you could feel another knot forming. “Darling, you don’t get to decide what’s too much. I'm in charge here, Dove, and you’re done when I say you’re done. You’ll take as much as I give you.”

His words turned you on so much more which surprised you as you didn’t think you could be any more turned on. You came once more and could tell by how Void’s face scrunched up in pleasure that he was reaching his limit as well. His dick pulsed inside of you, each vein had a throbbing heartbeat that struck so painfully good against your walls.

“One more, just one more, Dove. Give me one more.” He groaned out as he held his own orgasm back and rubbed rigorously at your clit while his pace increased to an unfathomable level. Finally, as you came yet again, Void released inside of you again.

He collapsed on top of you, his head landing on your chest, pillowed by your breasts. He sucked one of your nipples into his mouth as his slick fingers resumed their torture of your extremely overstimmulated clit. They rubbed slowly but it felt so much more intense than all the previous times that he had brought you pleasure. It burned in the best way possible.

“One more, come on, I know you have one more in you.” He encouraged, again. It seemed like he would just never stop.

He was utterly insatiable.

You came once more for the final time of the night and Void rewarded you with kisses scattered all across your chest for all of your efforts.

With your eyes barely able to remain open. and your limbs drained of any energy, Void looked at you with a soft look and gathered you in his arms. He grabbed the blanket that had been kicked off during the time of your… activities, and covered the both of you with it.

With his cock still deep inside of you, keeping everything he spent trapped within you, he whispered, “Good night, Dove,” and pressed a kiss to your temple. That night, you fell asleep wrapped in his arms, feeling more safe and at home than you have ever been before.

[spadesolace]

the experiment : college student! sana x fem! reader x miyeon

being a part of an experiment was not on your college bingo, let alone you didn't even give your consent for it. so, why not conduct your own?

part 1: lab rat/ test monkey

sana knows she fucked up.

seeing the bouquet with her name on the card with a very familiar handwriting. it made her feel sick, her face turned pale as she looked at the end of the hallway with your disappearing figure.

it had been a month since you ghosted sana and miyeon. your own best friend had to be a part of the whole experiment, completely aware of your heart being played just for it to be an experiment. ironic, how you were called lab rat one, as if you were already on her list of people she’ll play with.

blocking them on all socials had been the best decision you ever made. sure, sana and miyeon can’t message you or reach out to explain but what is there to say when you heard their entire conversation. biology majors taking the entire experiment on a different level.

everything you do has been a bit sloppy, sana was genuinely the first girl you really liked and it sucked that you’re left with the idea of being a lab rat. miyeon is the only one that has done her best to contact you, try to have a civil conversation but as someone who is avoidant, you keep running away.

“y/n, miyeon is outside waiting for you.” bangchan looked at you with concern as your eyes looked at the door. shit. shit. shit.

“tell her i’m busy.”

“too late, i let her in.” mingyu walked past you with miyeon behind him, you can’t run away. you’re in the middle of an experiment that needs your attention, almost done with it even but you won’t let miyeon know.

“can we talk?”

“what’s there to talk about miyeon.” from your peripheral vision, you could see the pain in her eyes, she even looked worse than you. bags under her eyes, lack of energy in her movement, slouched figure, fidgeting hands, and teary eyes. one wrong word from you could lead to her breaking down entirely, but she’s the one who knew of what sana was planning.

“why are you avoiding me?” maybe it was a bit harsh to avoid miyeon as well without her knowing. although miyeon was the one that introduced sana to you, and she knows about the experiment. 

“choi miyeon, i’m in the middle of something right now.”

“what? are you gonna avoid me again like the plague? like i’m a disease that could kill you?”

“i’m in the middle of an experiment. not the one you and sana fucking planned.”

that was all the confirmation miyeon needed that you know. everything makes sense to her now, their conversation, sana avoiding her as well and making her way to talk to you at any given chance. she fucked up, she broke your trust, and she’s left with nothing as your figure walked away continuing your experiment.

after that, miyeon still waited for you to finish your experiment. walking out of the lab with your backpack and lab coat on hand. it was a bit harsh of you to not talk to the girl without her knowing what had happened, assuming right away that sana probably told her. so, you let miyeon follow you into your new favorite spot, away from the pair but still nearby, you have to thank mingyu for the recommendation.

miyeon had not spoken until you arrived at the cafe, letting her sit down at your usual spot and ordering for you two. she’s still your best friend and maybe this could be a way for you to settle things first before you decide whether to end your friendship. first and foremost, she’s your friend before anything else, it was just sudden that your high school best friend would pull something like that.

“why are you doing this?” miyeon looked at you as you placed your orders, it was a staple that miyeon wasn’t much into coffee as she was with hot chocolate.

“you’re my friend, how you defend yourself would determine if you still deserve that title.”

it started from there, miyeon had explained how sana was confused on whether she was interested in both girls and guys or if it was simply just nothing. you weren’t supposed to be a part of it, when miyeon introduced you to sana it was merely to let her college friends meet her best friend. she was also left in the dark until miyeon discovered sana’s notes about the entire thing, keeping track of your dates and comparing it with mark, the guy she’s seeing the same time when she was with you. that was how miyeon knew of it,

“i planned on telling you, i was trying to stop this entire thing before it would go longer. then you stopped talking to me, blocked me on all socials and even my number.”

everything felt clearer now, if sana wanted to play with fire, two can play that game. you’ve thought of it for a while now, you just needed to think of the perfect person to do it with. who else could fill the role as your fake girlfriend other than your best friend who is desperately asking for your forgiveness.

“then help me.”

in a span of a week, you and miyeon had slowly convinced your friends that you were dating. explaining that ghosting her was a way for you to move on and make her find someone who is deserving of her love. miyeon was persistent, she could not just let you go easily. that led to her trying to get your schedule, meeting you at your lab class and getting coffee to talk things through. people can be easily deceived and it wasn’t that long until miyeon actually acted as if you were dating.

in public, you acted like a couple; but in private, it's just you two messing with people and restoring your friendship. and it did not take long for miyeon to let you know that sana had been asking her questions about your relationship, fully understanding why you wanted to fake date.

“who said i couldn’t conduct my own experiment.”  it wasn’t like you were avoiding sana like before, she had tried to talk to you but miyeon was always within the area to snatch you away.

that was until jackson had another party where miyeon had spent her time dancing with her friends, while you didn’t drink much as you had to drive miyeon back home. it slipped your mind that sana would be within the area, that she had kept her eyes on you as soon as you stepped foot holding miyeon’s hand.

within 5 minutes, sana had you wrapped around her finger. those 5 minutes, sana had managed to steal your heart once again, telling you that she had missed you, that you’re the only one for her. know you understand why she’s called sanake.

Minatozaki Sana. she has your heart, one that you wish you hadn’t fallen so easily for her charms. 5 minutes was all it took before you’re tempted to lean to her touch and forget that you’re playing a part in an experiment to see whether she missed you the same way you did. maybe it was nothing but lies. maybe she wanted to have fun just like before. you’re fucked.

“BABE!” then you’re reminded that miyeon is there to save the day. “oh, hi sana.”

the tension between the two was something you’ve never experienced before. fully aware they were friends before you had started seeing sana but after the series of events that leads to your current position. there’s a rift between the pair.

”babe, come dance with me, yeah?”

even in her drunken state, choi miyeon always stick to the script. pulling you to the dance floor, her dancing a bit too close to comfort but maybe it was a way to let sana know you’re not someone to be toyed with. no.

that wasn’t the case when you woke up in the morning, head pounding with the worst possible hangover you’ve experienced. it didn’t make sense to you, not a single ounce of liquor touched your lips when you were at the party, and you definitely remember bringing miyeon back to her place. your clothes scattered all over the floor except for your shirt, this was definitely miyeon’s place, you would notice the full body mirror with pictures taped to it. fuck.

the door opened revealing miyeon wearing what seems to be your shirt that was way too big for her. neck and chest basically covered in love bites. what the heck happened after i saw sana?

“hey, i cooked us some breakfast.”

“what happened last night?”

“uhm… you got drunk– when i asked you to drink here at my place.” miyeon pointed between the two of you. “then this happened.”

you only wanted to hurt sana, not bring miyeon into this mess. from the looks of it, you enjoyed it but you can’t remember much of it until miyeon tried to piece everything together.

the rest of the night after you had brought miyeon home was spent in the comforts of her apartment. a bottle of soju was shared along with a few glasses of gin and tonic that you ended up finishing as miyeon had reached her limit. miyeon started it. she kissed you first and although both in drunken state, it was clear that there was tension between the two of you, one that is now sitting in front of you wearing your shirt with love bites all over her body.

by the time you and miyeon had reached a conclusion as to the events of the night were, breakfast was already done, coffee at hand and still you were completely naked in her bed.

“do you think… we’ll work out?” uncertainty in your eyes as miyeon watched your every move, it felt as if she’s back at the chemistry laboratory while your mind is running through multiple scenarios.

“we– could try. but-”

“sana, i know. you might need to clarify some things with her.” 

you didn’t expect miyeon to take things lightly when you suggested that she give you sana’s number. having it blocked and deleted, you saw no value but now- with the idea of properly dating miyeon, the need to clear the air for the sake that your best friend (possible future girlfriend) would fix their relationship.

sitting at the same cafe that sana had taken you to for your first date, the lingering idea that this might be the last time you’ll see her in the same light. the smell of coffee, light chattering from the customers and your mind buzzing with questions, running away seemed like a nice option.

“i’m surprised you wanted to see me.” you didn’t notice sana standing in front of you. pulling the chair and settling down as your gaze never left her piercing eyes. something about her changed, the cheering smile no longer there, or how her aura that was once inviting now felt guarded, and that the way she looks between your hands inches away from each other.

“wanted to clear some stuff.”

“... i’m sorry– i know you heard my conversation with miyeon.” you could only scoff at her, she knew, you made sure that she knew about that day from leaving the bouquet rotting by the biology lab along with your broken heart and trust. the girl you love merely sitting inches away from you and all you could do is look at her with so much hatred and confusion.

everything feels tight.

“i’m not here to come back. let’s give this a proper ending.”

“what do you mean?”

sana reaches for your hand, for a second you let her hold it- remember her touch.

removing it gently, as the tears in her eyes threaten to fall. you hated seeing her cry.

“you were a wonderful experience, sana. but i’m not one of your lab rats.”

“i’m sorry. you– you made me feel things i never felt before when i was wi– please don’t leave me… please, y/n… please.”

the desire to stay and throw everything out was there but you’d rather not let her break your heart again with the possibility of it being an experiment for her.

you love her but not to the point of willing to be a lab rat for her.

[qsphyxias]

Nightwing x Male! Reader (hurt/comfort)

if you fetishize mlm/nblm relationships, get the fuck out of here!

synopsis ; you just broke up with ur bf bc he cheated on u and Nightwing comes to make u feel better.

warnings ; swearing, break ups, venting (not traumatic or too deep) about relationship, manhandle joke, angst? its topic is sad but I think I made it too nice and fluffy

note ; i wanna add more, esp. with pillow talk or whatever but I'm too tired and maybe ill just make another part or smth or edit it

words ; 1.3k+

Your face burned, and your lips trembled against the hand you held up against your moth. You sighed shakily, dropping your head atop your arm leaned up against the railing of your balcony. That was the end of another relationship.

You looked at the wet cement down below, over the thin, black iron railing, your eyes couldn't focus on anything because of the fat tears that obstructed most of your vision. Gravity pulled your tears to the ground, almost pulling you entirely over the rails — you just felt so tired.

The day you've had was just about enough for you to bear. You found out your boyfriend of three years was cheating on you for two of those three years. But the worst part was that you hadn't even found out yourself; he had told you, and he had been the one to break up with you. As if, you were the problem.

You were in the way.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You murmured under your breath, rage began to well up, and you could feel it in your throat — strangling you, taking your breath and turning it into steam. "I wasted three years on him. Three fucking years of my life!" You backed away from the ledge, looking up at the sky as if it represented the entire world before you. "And for what?"

Despite it all, a part of you wanted him back. Not because you loved him, but because, where else will you find someone? You knew everything about him, and you... well, you hoped he knew just about everything to know about you. But now, all that information is useless. You were scared and alone; how much time did you really have? It's not like some handsome, piece of ass is going to come around and save you.

You slid down on the cold surface of the balcony, sitting down and tucking your knees in as you watched your fingers fidget in front of you. You stopped crying, but now it felt worse than before. Your heart had no means to release all that raw emotion because your body couldn't take the exhaustion.

"Hey, are... you alright?" A gentle hand grabs your shoulder, and your head shoots up to see dark blue eyes, staring at you with nothing but hopeful concern. His hope to somehow make you feel better, and his concern that you are currently sitting on the ground, eyes, nose, and mouth red and swollen.

You don't push away, not at all — in fact, that's the last thing on your mind. Even when it hits you that Nightwing is leaning over you, a knee on the ground and his arm on your shoulder. You're too drained to react properly, you just stare at him.

You pressed your hand on your cheek, murmuring your speech. "Give me a fucking break." Had he arrived at a time — literally any other time — less inconvenient, you probably would have asked him for an autograph and fawned over his arms. He chuckled at your reply, not at all offended by your display of disdain at his appearance. He took a seat next to you on the cold hard ground.

For a couple of minutes, you both just sat there, and you stared off into space as you silently fought with your inner demons to not lash out at him. With an apologetic sigh, withdrawing your attitude from before. "I'm sorry, it's been a rough night- I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for two years." Nightwing glanced over as you mentioned a boyfriend, so you weren't straight, huh? That totally won't affect how he sees you.

The man beside you sucked in a sharp breath as you mentioned your situation, immediately feeling terrible as he put himself in your shoes. "Don't worry about it; you deserve a little lashing out." You scoffed affectionately as you wiped your remaining tears away with your sleeve, he was friendly, wasn't he?

"That's nice of you to say." Suddenly, the floor looked much more interesting than looking at the attractive man beside you. He noticed the averted gaze and brought you back to reality by placing his hand on yours. "I'm serious, lash out at me! Whatever you wanna say to him, say to me." He was serious, grinning at his great idea.

"I mean I heard you wailing from miles away; I'm sure you don't have a shortage of things to say." He looked proud of himself. "Dear god — you heard that?" You stood up and backed away from him, with him following you closely. "I think half of Gotham heard that." He teased, watching your ashamed expression with a smile.

"You're kind of an asshole, aren't you?" You said, standing your ground as you taunted him right back. His smile only grew, "I have mixed reviews."

"Alright, Nightwing. I'll take you up on your offer." You crossed your arms and stepped closer to him, "I'll vent."

He rubbed his hands together in response, beckoning you towards him. "Give it to me."

Your face turned beet-red at the sudden conspicuous innuendo, and you paused. Hoping he hadn't noticed, you got back in the zone and tried to imagine your ex's face in place of Nightwing's. "Okay, alright. Well. You're... You're a dick."

Dick laughed, for more reasons than one. "That's it? Have at me! Don't be shy." You frowned, "Fine then, you're not just a dick. You're also cruel." You looked into his eyes, seeing your ex's face before you instead of Nightwing's.

To fuel the fire, you channeled all those feelings into your speech. "You broke my heart for no reason when you could have left me when you met him. And- Instead, you wasted my time, thinking I was in this... This loving relationship with a man I was going to marry — " Before you could keep rambling on, you felt strong arms around you, grounding you. You hadn't noticed you were trembling from the emotion until you felt the calm, still body against yours.

You also hadn't noticed how much you absolutely needed that hug.

Hesitating, your arms hovered over his back before you tenderly hugged him back, sinking into his body knowing he could still hold you from his already tight grip. You wondered if you'd ever be hugged like this again now that you didn't have a boyfriend. Whenever your ex did decide to hold you like this, it wasn't often.

Sleep took over your body as his warmth may have reminded you too much of your sheets, and the comfort of your bed. Maybe he reminded you of home.

"... Was that too much?" You murmured against the chestpiece of his suit. He shook his head, not wanting to see your expression just yet. Your frown and your trembling lips broke his heart.

"I think I'm tired." Dick took that to heart and picked you up with ease, walking over to your balcony door and stepping in. "Oh- so you're just gonna manhandle me then?" You declared eyes half-lidded from exhaustion. For a second, he was worried he had crossed a boundary. "Well, I'm okay with that." Now he wasn't so worried.

Dick chuckled as he placed you down on your bed, turning off the light beside you and moving to exit your apartment. He stopped in his tracks as he heard you groan. "Wait, come back..! Stay with me. Please?" He turned around to see you pouting on your bed, knowing you were trying your absolute best to extract pity out of him to make him stay.

"It'll be my first night in three years without a warm body sleeping next to me; you're really gonna leave a guy hanging?" He rolled his eyes as you played the break-up card, waltzing over with a defeated look on his face. You on the other hand, had adorned an expression of joy.

"You regret stopping by my balcony, don't you?"

"... Far from it, actually."

[starlitiris]

“Where is the Justice?”

Chapter 7: Memento Mori

Summary: “Sebastian’s mutations have, for the most part, stopped. He is promoted to MR-P, and is finally able to work again. I would also like to personally and sincerely apologize to mischellaneous_bones on ao3 and eaterof_concrete on Tumblr for the contents of this chapter. Please read the notes at the end if this chapter leaves you utterly heartbroken </3

This chapter is written partially from Sebastian’s POV.”

~ ⚖️ ~

[Grief

Is a beast.

A wicked, unforgiving creature that will try with all its might to crush you under its entire weight.

It sinks it claws into you before you realize it’s even there. It breathes down your neck, breath harsh and cold. A constant reminder that it’s present.

It wears you down, the weight of it too much to bear some days. You pray that when you sleep, it too, will slumber. But it doesn’t. It never sleeps.

It permeates your life, unrelenting in its mission to do everything in its power to strip you of everything that you are.

It wants to see you wither – to eat at you from the inside out until you are nothing more than an empty shell of what you once were.

It will use every trick up its sleeve to see to it that you crumble and dissipate.

Unforgiving. Unrelenting.

It uses its methods of consumption in whichever order it deems fit, according to the person and the situation – to the prey and the environment.

Though, usually, it will start with the one tactic that seldom fails to get the ball rolling:

Denial.]

August 22nd, 2014

He’s dead.

He’s been dead for months, and I’m just now finding out about it.

I’ve been locked up like some lab rat for half a year, and I’m just now finding out that Malachi’s been dead for more than half that time?

I asked about him. I asked them about him. I asked if I could see him, or if I could at least talk to him. No one bothered to say a goddamn thing.

They knew. And they didn’t tell me.

Why? Because I was going through hell and they didn’t wanna put me in worse shape? Or did they just not care?

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were the latter. Nobody down here gives a damn about anybody with “LR-P” on their shirt. If they did, they wouldn’t have put me through hell for the better part of a year. They wouldn’t have let Malachi die this way.

They don’t care. This is their fault, and they don’t give a rat’s ass.

God, I can’t fucking believe it.

[Denial is a defense mechanism used to protect oneself from the hardship of considering an upsetting reality. It can feel like shock, or numbness. It can look like feigned blissful ignorance. It’s an internal battle of tug-of-war – the push and pull of realization. We fight to stay in the delusion that the past is still the present, while reality keeps rearing its ugly head back into our field of vision. We try to turn away, or close our eyes. But eventually, we will have to look its way again. We will have to open our eyes.]

August 24th, 2014

They promoted me to MR-P to “compensate for my troubles.”

What a load of shit. Do they really think that a bigger room to myself and arts and crafts every wednesday is enough to make up for turning me into a freak? Sure, this room is bigger than my old cell, but I hardly fit in it. It’s cramped. And as much as I’ll appreciate the alone time, I was really hoping to see Malachi again…

…

I can’t think about it. It hurts too much.

Y’know what, maybe he’s not dead. Maybe they lied- or the guy I asked thought I was talking about another guy named Malachi. I mean… it’s not that uncommon of a name. And I won’t be hanging out with any LR-P as much anymore, so if I don’t see him around, it doesn’t mean that he’s dead. It just means he’s… not around. He’s somewhere else.

… That’s what I’ll keep telling myself. Because I can’t face the alternative. Not right now. Not after everything.

I can’t accept that he’s gone. He was the last thing that I had, I… He is the last thing I have.

He’s all I have.

He’s my best friend.

… He has to be okay.

[Anger is what will come next in some cases. When something bad happens to us, we often look for something – or someone – to blame. We become frustrated, hopeless to fight against the tides of change and tragedy. We want to have control over what happens to us, and in the face of reality, where we are harshly informed that we have no control, frustration melds into rage. We get angry. And we realize; we cannot control what has happened to us, but we can control who is at fault.]

September 7th, 2014

It’s been a few weeks, I think. Since I found out that he was dead.

It didn’t feel real. He really was the only friend I had down here, and now he’s gone.

I talked to a guy that knew him and heard about the situation back when it happened. He said Malachi was out in the water with a small group of other LR-P inmates doing routine maintenance on the canons. According to the prisoners that came out alive, there was a current that yanked away one of the team members. He got sucked out into the void, started freaking out about parasites, and Malachi went out to help him get back with the group.

A trenchbleeder crushed them both. A trenchbleeder. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that is? A trenchbleeder. Malachi and that other asshole didn’t die because they were stupid and didn’t follow instructions. They died because they’re supervisor, who wasn’t even out in the water with them because he didn’t feel like putting a wetsuit on, wasn’t paying attention. The prick was too busy chatting it up with a coworker to do his damn job. If he had been paying attention like he was supposed to then he could’ve radioed Malachi in time to tell him to watch out for the giant metal foot that was meters above him. He could’ve ordered the person operating the trenchbleeder to stop the damn thing in time.

His death was avoidable. It was completely preventable, but he was killed anyway because we’re nothing but scum to these people. It doesn’t matter if we deserve to be here or not, we’re all the same to them. Human garbage with no value, and that somehow makes it okay to put us in these dangerous situations, and not give a damn when one of us dies.

They had a couple guys scrape their remains off that thing’s foot. They had to scrape my best friend off of that thing.

They did this to him. They killed him.

He had a little sister. She probably thought he was dead way back when he was first brought here, but he had a little sister. He had a family that loved him. And he was a good man.

… He didn’t deserve this. We didn’t deserve this.

[Then, we bargain. We ask ourselves “what if”, and wonder “if only”. We ponder the events that led up to the tragedy. We try to rewrite the story in our heads, praying that if we think on it hard enough, it will become true. We scavenge our minds for a way out. For anything we could do to reverse what happened. But we are only human. We cannot go back in time.]

October 11th, 2014

I wish it were me.

He should be alive right now. His supervisor should’ve been watching. His supervisor should’ve said something. He should’ve not been a good guy for once and just left that guy out there to die. Most of these guys are dicks, anyway. Why go out of your way to help them, if they wouldn’t help you?

It should’ve been me. It’s not like I’ve been enjoying being alive since I got here, anyway. But Malachi… he had his days, but he found ways to be happy. He made the best out of the hand he was dealt. He was doing good. Better than most of us. And he made people laugh. He made people smile. He was nice to people who didn’t deserve it. And he put up with my miserable ass the entire time we knew each other. He was a great guy.

I wish we could swap places. Not that I want him to undergo experiments and surgeries and come out of it looking like the cousin that The Little Mermaid doesn’t talk about, but at least he would be alive.

I want him to be alive. I want to bring him back.

I wish I could just… go to sleep, wake up, and have him here. Alive.

I wish I could wake up and be human again. Be home. Be okay.

My partner would’ve loved Malachi. He would’ve loved them, too.

…

[At some point, the worst part of it will settle in– the depression. It's a dark, deep hole that you’re shoved into. At times, it can be so deep that you look up and can no longer see the sky. Just bleak, suffocating darkness. It drains you. It tires you. It takes the brightest parts of you, and buries them in shadow. It becomes hard to fight against that beast, when all you can feel is hopeless and numb.]

November 3rd, 2014

I’m so tired. I don’t sleep, I can hardly eat. I just feel…

I don’t know what I feel.

Without Malachi here, every day is just so… dull. And boring.

I’m alone without him.

Nobody really talks to me. Not that I want to talk to anybody. But, still. Nobody talks to me. Well… about things not relating to my new appearance, that is. Which, frankly, is just as upsetting as if I wasn’t talked to at all, if not worse. It’s all people ever care to talk about with me. I hate it.

I miss Malachi. I miss my partner. I miss my mom and my siblings. I miss the children I never got to meet. I miss my life.

I’m so tired. I don’t wanna move. I don’t wanna be here.

I don’t want this.

[It is a hard and arduous battle. Facing reality, suppressing your anger, learning that you can’t undo what was done, and climbing out of that deep pit that is depression. Surviving grief. It has never been an easy fight to win. But, it is survivable. It is something that can be done. And when it is done, you will have your moment of clarity. Acceptance.]

December 19th, 2014

He’s gone. Malachi is gone, and in a way, so is my family. I’m on my own now. I probably will be until I die.

The world has taken everything from me. My future, my friends, my family, my freedom, my body.

The so called “justice system” convicted me of murders they had no evidence on me for. They sentenced me to death, and I was backed into a corner where I had to choose to die, or spend the rest of my days working for an organization that couldn’t care less about my well being. I was experimented on against my will, spent months in pain, undergoing tests and operations all while my body was changing too fast for me to process and understand. They’re still running tests on me to this day.

I may look like a monster now, but I know I am not one. I know who the real monsters are.

It’s the people that can take more away from a man than he thought he could lose, and still sleep soundly at night. The people who won’t feel an ounce of regret for getting an innocent man sentenced to death. The people who’ll horrifically disfigure somebody “in the name of science” and feel no remorse for the pain they caused. The people who will sit on their hands instead of doing what they’re paid to do, and let a good man die for no good reason at all.

Those people are the real monsters.

I have lost everything I could possibly lose to them. Everything they could take, they took.

I at least owe it to Malachi to keep some part of him alive with me. And if the little time I had with him taught me anything, it was, without a shadow of a doubt, this:

They may have stripped me of everything else,

but I still have myself.

And that is something nobody can take away from me.

~ ⚖️ ~

Ending Notes: Because of this chapter I’m going to have to make a spinoff series to answer “what if” questions, lore questions, and to write a one-off story where Malachi doesn’t die and gets to continue his bromance with Sebastian <///3

I hope this chapter doesnt suck, i seriously cannot tell bc ive been rereading it over and over since i wrote it 😭

Ao3

Chapter 6 - Chapter 8 (wip)

[glassrowboat]

My Muse. Baizhu.

Summary: There is beauty in everything he does, from the way Baizhu lays back as those painted on scales shift with every twist of his abdomen to the way he smiles at you like no one else ever has before. So, isn't it only reasonable that your eyes are transfixed on the man?

Authors note: reader is a horny little fuck in this so post is a little spicy. This is mainly inspired by the fact I saw this photo of naga Baizhu on Twitter and needed an outlet. (The pic is now my pfp)

Word count: 1000+

The flash of a camera shutter, the click of that all so familiar sound fills the well lit room as his image is captured. Beauty incarnate as those gorgeous gold eyes, snake like slits for pupils locked onto the device in your hands. Compared to that gaze, this silver camera was cold as ice.

Another shutter, another image captured as Baizhu shifted in his spot. The folds of his clothes turned, wrinkling from the change in position as it moved over his leg like a work of art. The sight of that purple silk hugging him so tightly in all the right spots, sticking to him in a way anyone would-

“You're staring.”

“You truly are a wicked one. Once we're done then, my dear.”

Grunting, you looked back up at Baizhu as he spoke, dropping the camera low enough so you were looking at your model through your own vision rather than the lens of the camera. His voice was just as teasing as ever, dripping with the same enticing tone that had been on his forked tongue since you asked him, your muse, to be on the receiving end of attention when it came to your camera. That alone made it hard enough to tell which eye could truly take in his visage, the one that was so intensely locked on him, or the one without a soul to its nature. Either way, it was easy to stare.

Not that you'd admit that without poking a bit of fun first.

“I'm a photographer. It's part of my job to stare at you.” Smiling at Baizhu, you lifted your hand, finger waving up and down to signal at him to shift to another position, but instead, he raised his hand, trying to tempt you into coming over. Those green props with sharp black nails were honestly impressive, scales engraved into the false flesh so intricately one could mistake it for Changsheng's pearl-like snake skin that was wrapped around his neck.

“Admittedly, yes,” and just like you did before Baizhu waggled his finger. “However, you and I both know what I mean, so please do come here.”

Temptress you wanted to call him. A gorgon made to be so stunning that one would believe they are carved of the same stone they inflict upon others. Eyelashes thick with mascara as they fluttered, dips and curves that tease at the idea of muscles beneath his pliant skin, a tiny little waist, and golden marks painted over his abdomen. The moment you stepped closer, the moment you gave in and accepted his words like a siren's song your fingertips were grazing over the metallic paint that just barely reflected your form that was so obviously drooling over his.

Maybe it's time to see if men really can get pregnant- anyway.

“The things I want to do to you would make Satan himself blush.”

Laughing softly at your words, Baizhu took your hand in his own, the feeling foreign, unfamiliar. Those lips on your skin, however, were. Orange gloss that had been applied, one that you've said yourself would truly make him a sight to capture, now sticking onto your skin. All from one kiss. “Careful now, we don't want the poor makeup artist to redo her work, do we?” His eyes flicked back down to the golden paint, motioning to the fingerprints that just barely showed. “I thought not, but here we are.”

Those shining lips that reflected the lights pointed on you both curled into a smile. Were it those strobe lights that had the air so warm?

“Trust me, I could do a lot worse than getting some body paint fucked up.” Much, much worse. Enough to have his pale skin turning pink, to have those lips falling open as sounds that could only be taken as gospel rang in your ears.

Yet those words of what could only be described as another way of getting ahead of yourself could be spoken aloud, a feminine voice spoke out. “Blunt as ever, aren't you?” Changsheng hissed, irritation clear. It wasn't a surprise she was annoyed. That snake always kicked up a fuss whenever you flirted with Baizhu. It's funny that she was so capable of doing so for a creature that didn't even have legs. “I swear Baizhu, this one has no tact. Remember that I'm here and that I don't want to hear this disgusting interaction.”

Baizhu turned his head towards her, his green hair tied in cute little pigtails that you've never seen on him before until this day. (How easy they'd be to pull and yank on). “I'd cover your ears if I could Changsheng, someone has to save you from this one and their wicked ways.”

Oh, how you wanted to roll your eyes. “You're such a tease.”

And sorry for this Changsheng.

Reaching out your finger teases at the wrap around his waist, hooking your digit under the garment and the layers of cloth underneath with a swift movement. A mission has to be accomplished today. So, with one tug, you raised your camera up and snapped a picture of what had just been revealed to you. That shutter clicking far from enough to drown out the sound of a disgruntled hiss and shocked gasp as you readily captured a photo of his pretty cock.

“For my personal collection.”

“My- oh…” Tearing your gaze off of what could only be described as a man in the form of a four course meal, your eyes flicked up to take in his growing blush. (And a snake with her head promptly turned away from the both of you). “Well, I don't think that was necessary.”

No? To me it was.

“Yeah, yeah, just get back to posing all pretty like.” Not even bothering to fix his pants, you let them snap back against his skin. “We still have a job to do.”

“I know that.” Sighing, Baizhu looked back at your camera, thoughts no doubt wondering what you'd do with that image once in private.

Would you spill your intentions? Never.

“And by the way,” you started, looking back at him with a wink, “I expect to see you in this later tonight.”

[sharkytootha03]

You swallow over your knuckles in your mouth, hissing with each breath. Your boyfriend holds you, shaking your shoulder with concern. “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“I-If I got hurt, it’d be ok because I can take it.” You give a shaky thumbs up, before pain grips you again with a groan. He holds onto you tight.

“Do I look like I know what to do?? What if you get hurt?”

You lean your head against his chest, whining. “I’d rather you be here.” He looks down with worry, gripping you tighter. Another cramp seizes you as your back arches. He slips your hand into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

In order to get close to the monster, to even hit him, you needed to get close. And as you did, with its appendages sliding over you forcefully you knew what it wanted. A thick one pushed back into your throat, pulsing gently as more moved across your hips and ass, trying to find its entrance. You just needed to get close enough, you had one shot to hit this thing. Dragging closer, Your clothes are peeled off your body. One the size of your fist ruts hard against your ass, pressing insistently. Something’s pumped down your throat. It makes your vision blur, the things rubbing harshly over your legs feeling vaguely pleasurable now. You feel like it’s trying to break your jaw as it forces deeper, the one at the back painfully breaching your ass. With a gagged cry it plunges deep, rubbing against your insides slickly. It rummages deeper, going farther than you thought possible. Thank fuck it wasn’t anyone else, this might not be survivable. Bright pain fills your stomach, and the thing grinds into you, thrumming and pushing. Your cock is limp against your leg, and something light and thin takes it, stroking over it. The contrasting pain and pleasure makes your vision almost white out, your dick getting hard against your wishes. You ball your hands into shaky fists, and the things stop for a second, observing you. You’re not close enough to do anything, you can’t move yet. You sob as the one deep inside you thrusts again, the pain sparking. The smaller one rubs lazy circles around your tip, feeling almost uncomfortable. It rubs over your slit, and your eyes flick down as more come in from the sides to restrain you. The tip slowly dips inside of you, and your hips and arms immediately move, rejecting it. The monster stills you, pressing deeper with a horrible stretching pain. You’ve had things in your ass, but never here. The pain is unfamiliar and your body screams in rejection as it slides so deep you feel like it must have met the other inside you. Sharp pain bites inside you again, and it starts to thrust, slowly. You cry out, trying to bite on the unyielding rubbery object in your mouth. Your stomach feels like it flips as the one in your ass moves impossibly deeper, snaking its way through. A thick warm huge lump the size of a watermelon rests at your ass, as you really start to freak out. You clench, trying to keep it at bay as it’s forced into you painfully, screaming. Your legs are spread, and it feels heavy and unyielding as it horribly spreads you, popping inside. It works its way deeper, an uncomfortable lump resting inside you, visible from your once flat stomach. As another meets your ass, a worse pain comes as something tries to come into your cock. You try moving your hips away desperately again, gagging as it presses hard into you. You feel it inch into your head, then through your shaft as another presses at the tip again. You hope this ends soon.

He gently rubs your back. “You’re so stupid. We could have done something, anything but this.” You take heavy breaths against him, shaking, the new pain too much to say anything. You’ve been filled, way too much than what should be possible, and your body’s trying to push everything out in rejection, even though it’s settled and grown inside of you. Another pain blooms up your back as your legs shake, hugging your boyfriend. “It needs to come out, honey.” You shake your head. Nobody should have to see this, he was supposed to deal with it alone. The objects in you feel like gravel against your insides. You’ve been alone for hours, your body can keep it in for just a few more until you’re alone. Another horrible pain hits you, you feel something shift painfully.

“n-no…” The monster was killed, your goal accomplished and nobody else hurt. He looks at you with a deep worry, propping you up against his chest.

“You need to, you’re in pain.” You know it’s going to hurt worse coming out than it did going in, the objects have only grown. He gently lifts up your legs despite your protests, and you feel something huge almost brush against your spine. You choke out a sob, and he squeezes your hand, kissing your forehead. “C’mon, please.” You bite your lip, another hard cramp hitting you as one of the objects shifts lower.

“I can’t... J-just let me wait until we get home-“ Another groan as a new pain hits, the object settling heavy against his hips. It rests uncomfortably against the bone, and your boyfriend gently presses into your ass with his fingers, opening you up gently. Pain radiates up your back. You hold onto him as you groan, his fingers meeting the smooth surface of the object. It’s an egg, hard and unyielding. You grip onto his arm as your body forces it lower against your will, your hips aching. It gets caught there, refusing to move lower for now. He can see the egg’s shell as you shake against him. He rubs your stomach.

“Push, honey. I can’t see you like this…” Another pain rolls through as your body forces you to bear down, as you hold your breath. The egg painfully comes to a crown, getting caught and scraping against bone.

“I-I want it b-back in… I can’t do this…” He kisses over your forehead as you breathe through your teeth.

“Keep going, honey.” He rubs against your lower stomach as another horrible pain hits, and you can do nothing but sob as the egg refuses to move.

“ Please…” Another sharp pain, and you push, your hips spreading impossibly far only for it to shift down a small centimeter. His hands press uncomfortably on your stomach, and he finds the fat end of the stuck egg. He gently pushes as you scream immediately, clenching hard. “n-no.. stop please…” He looks down at you pitifully.

“It needs to come out, I can’t watch you be in pain like that.” He squeezes your hand, pushing again. Your back arches as you try and hold it in, the egg grinding against your hips as your body and his hand work against you. With a sharp crack, pain fills your body.

“FUCK! S-STOP!” He jolts his hand away. Your fractured hips rub together painfully as your body continues to contract, the egg now pressing at your hole. A sharp, new pain hits. Your cock stirs impossibly, you should be in too much pain to be getting hard. Your boyfriend looks down at you as your eyes are glued shut, as something shifts in you. You cry out again, the egg causing your ass to wink as you feel pain like you’re about to split open. The fiery hot pain comes to rest as an egg sized lump against your crotch, behind your cock. You cry out, holding onto him as the urge to push rolls through you. “Something’s happening-!”

He holds you, unsure, as more pain and pressure builds at your crotch. “…Calm down, ok?” You groan, arching your back as it feels like the pain is squeezing through into the base of your cock, the round orb being visible.

“…oh god” He swallows thickly as you openly cry, your cock throbbing thickly against your stomach, refusing to let anything move further. Your hand moves down to your cock, and you desperately try to squeeze the egg back into you, the pain too much to deal with. It proves resistant, the second you inch it lower is accompanied by blinding pain. “stop doing that. You need to keep pushing.” You whine. Your body does it for you, another egg seeming to weave through you painfully, pushing the other into your cock.

“n-no!! stop it!” The egg is fully in, a bulge very visible as your cock stretches around it. A painful urge at your back tells you to push, your body insistent that both eggs leave. A weak push at your ass and immediately the one in your cock decides to move, with a scream. It rests painfully at your head. You thrust, crying out as the egg crowns and then keeps slipping back inside. It’s too big but the pain is too much to deal with. Another egg pushes into your cock impatiently as you sob. The urge to push again, harder as you bear down. The egg peeks out with all the effort you can muster, the tapered tip visible before you relax and it slips back inside with a cry. Another pain coming up from your stomach, another egg. There are three in your cock now, it’s incredibly painful and the first one is blocking their exit, the pressure building impossibly. Your head is stretched to the maximum, the soft yellow of the egg showing, but it refuses to stretch further, blocking its only exit. Another egg. It feels like you’re about to scream again as the fourth pushes in, there’s no room in your cock for four eggs. You see more of the egg slip through, but your head still refuses to stretch. You push, the egg slowly making its way through. “It’s n-not gonna fit!!” You say with a sob, pushing as hard as you can. With a sharp pain, an egg slips past another inside you, and you cry out, not stopping your pushing in desperation. The pressure is unbearable as more and more eggs line up behind it. You cry, pushing and pushing with little progress. Then another horrible urge hits you, the urge to cum. You jerk yourself off quickly, crying as you touch your cock, the bulges in it palpable. Your boyfriend watches you with concern, his hand slowly going to replace yours, jerking you off for you. He gently pumps you, and for a moment the pressure worsens painfully. You whine as he keeps pumping you, and with two more strokes you cum, the egg popping out while cum dribbles out of you. He kisses you, rubbing over your stomach as eggs slowly push out of you with the cum. The one at your ass sits there hard and heavy, your body clenching and pushing around it impatiently. He finds the end of it again, gently pushing. It makes a small crown, but can’t go any further without you pushing. It inches out, and something in him pops as he loses concentration. Something in his stomach moves and heaves.

“You need to. leave.” You say with a whine, the egg blocking the creature's exit.

“I’m not leaving you, honey.” You wail as it descends, resting at his aching hips.

“I need to push, please. Please I don’t want you hurt.” It presses hard against his hips, and he cries. “STOP!” The egg rests impatiently inside him, as this big creature places tons of pressure right on his hips. “It’s coming, please go. Oh my god please.” You clench around it, trying to slow it as it painfully pushes the egg out. It stretches, slowly coming to its widest point before sinking back inside. You cry out, bucking your hips. The egg’s really starting to become painful.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“n-no.. it’s coming please…” He kisses over you as the egg pushes out again, this time slowly popping out with a slick noise. He sees that the egg’s huge, and something even bigger is currently exiting. You get the urge to spread your legs as it barrels down lower, pushing as it quickly spreads you fully. It’s far too big to exit like this, and you cry as it continues to push even when you stop. A slick tendril pops out of you, pulling its way out as you cry, something tearing painfully before the mass slides out of you. He kicks it away.

“You did it honey. You’re so great, thank you.” He kisses you, holding you as you cry. “I love you so much.”

hey! Idk why the formatting is so weird but thank you :)

[fandomfluffandfuck]

I've had this prompt kind of floating around in my head and I figured if anyone would be able to create the vision here, it would be you.

Steve in modern day has somehow been turned back to his little pre-serum self for reasons that probably aren't all that relevant. And at first he really isn't happy. (understandably) And Bucky, the sweet boy who is running out of ways to comfort Steve here, suggests how this, if anything, is an opportunity.

Bucky starts whispering sweet nothing's about what they could do, mostly just expecting Steve to get flustered and shove him. But he underestimates the power of Steve's size kink.

Now all Steve can think about is how much a part of him misses being this size in the bedroom and how much he wants Bucky towering over him, how his hand would probably cover the entire plane of his lower back and how much more a stretch he would feel being shoved onto Bucky's post super soldier serum dick.

And NOW he's blushing so hard and Bucky is teasing but he's also a little nervous because he doesn't know if it's exactly going to fit.. he doesn't want to hurt Steve of course.

Steve is sooo desperate for it now though, blushing all pink and embarrassed out of his little Christian mind but desperate.

What can I say Steve has had a size and praise kink since the dark ages, can you blame him for wanting to utilise this once in a lifetime opportunity? ;)

(So excited to see what you do here, I love your work!)

Thank you!! And I fucking love this idea! I can definitely go for that flavor of stucky 👀

"Stevie, babydoll, sweetheart," Bucky wheedles after him, chasing him into the bedroom.

As far as Steve is concerned, Bucky won't be able to "Steeeeve" his way out of this, no matter how much he uses that soft mouth and those sweet, big, grey eyes to his advantage. It's not his fault, so Steve really shouldn't be taking this out on him, but the thing is that he's making it so much worse than it has to be. Steve just wants to fucking go to bed and pretend that he's not 5'4" all over again and stumbling with his heart beating unevenly against his visible ribs. He keeps fucking having to look up at everything and his neck hurts. Did his neck hurt like this all the time back then? He doesn't remember that. What the fuck. If anything is Bucky's fault, maybe that's it--its his fault (it still isn't, but shut up) that he's so goddamn tall in the future and so Steve has to look up at him even more. Now his neck aches.

Ugh.

"I jus'," Bucky narrowly avoids having their bedroom door slammed in his face, only just making it inside before Steve can shut him out, "I just wanna look at you, honey, I don't even gotta talk anymore! C'mon, darlin', you're breaking my heart."

Steve glares up at him, crossing his arms over his chest and only not immediately uncrossing them out of pure stubbornness. Everything feels wrong. Folding his arms feels wrong without the layers of muscle he's used to being wrapped in, his biceps bunching and bulging against his thick forearms and his arms, overall, pushing his pecs together. So, like this, being back to the size he was pre-serum, feels so inadequate. He's stick thin. No real muscle. No physical strength.

He hates it.

He wants to sleep it off until someone else figures out how to reverse this whole mess. Then, he'll get up and deal with it.

Bucky does not agree with Steve's wants. And now he's got his grabby hands all over him, squeezing his hip and wrapping one of his burley arms around his waist to pull him snugly against his chest.

Steve grumbles but doesn't even attempt to push away. He knows he won't be able to break his hold. Great.

At least when Bucky starts to say something else and Steve shoots his head up, he knocks Bucky's chin with the top of his skull--fucking ouch--and is magically able to glare hard enough that he shuts his mouth. He even sticks his metal arm from around his waist to mime zipping his mouth shut and throwing away the key. Steve hopes he flung it far. He doesn't want to hear another word outta that mouth right now. He's had enough.

It takes a minute... maybe two... for Steve to relax into Buckys arms and chest. He's smaller. Fine. Okay. He's exhausted. Okay. Bucky's already seen him like this. Some of his boyfriend's memories are still spotty on a good day, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before. Steve just doesn't want to hear more about it right now. He doesn't want to be talked to and told he's still beautiful and perfect. He doesn't want to be fawned over. He just wants to be normal.

His new normal.

Not like... this.

Bucky keeps his promise and just holds him, keeping quiet. Yet, still, Steve sees the flaw in the mimed promise, because while he agreed to shut the fuck up, he did not agree to keep his touching turned down in the same way. And with Steve in his arms, his hands are wandering. High and low. Groped. Steve is being groped.

Bucky's hands start by clutching him, clinging to him, and holding him tightly around the petite waist, but they don't stay there. Bucky's flesh and blood hand travels up his crooked back until he gets to between his shoulders, where his spine starts to stick out from his skin. He counts each little bump, tapping them mutely with the tip of a gentle finger. Then, he pauses around the nape of his neck, using one big, heavy hand to squeeze gently. It's a little like being scruffed. He should be indigent about it, he's not a fucking scrawny, feral kitten. But... it makes his knees a little weak and has his head going fuzzy.

While that's happening with his flesh and blood hand, his metal hand travels down. He pinches his ass, Steve jolts, only not yelping out loud because it would be too obvious without Bucky's chatter box mouth going, so he won't. Then, though, he goes lower to touch the sides of his thighs but not before cupping his asscheek in one hand. His hand is more than big enough to get all of it.

Bucky uses the grip he has on his thigh to lift his leg and curl that one, then the other, around his stocky waist.

Oh.

Steve's gut swoops as he's lifted. He feels, it feels--

He's lighter than air.

He always feels light when Bucky picks him up but the way his breathing doesn't change and how fast he's being lifted, like he weighs nothing at all, gives him the sensation that he could float away.

Bucky walks forward with him wrapped around his waist, his organic hand hot in the middle of his back. His thumb and pinkie finger feel like they stretch completely across his svelte back--touching both of his shoulder blades, almost his underarms, no problem. Cradling him totally.

Steve shivers and mercifully, Bucky says nothing about it. He does purr, though. Warm and vibrating in his chest. Steve refuses to admit how hard he is. More than halfway there, even when in this body, it's so hard to get it up all the way. He's just--he's not turned on right now, by this, no. It's just the, the, uh, pattern. He's been trained. Anytime Bucky picks him up, he has a Pavlovian response. It's not his fault.

This is Bucky's fault.

Bucky carries him to the bed only to gently splay him out there on their now much-too-large king-size mattress. He puts him down on his back, snakes his mismatched hands out from underneath his lithe body, and positions Steve how he sees fit--his lips still closed. He lays Steve's thin arms out so his boney hands are curled into loose fits up by his head with his elbows bent sharply, and so his slender legs fall open, making space for Bucky between them. Steve feels the stretch in his hips like he almost can't open wide enough for him. He's so large, especially like this. Hovering--towering over him.

A stuttering breath bursts out of Steve's lungs reluctantly.

Bucky smirks but stays silent for now. Instead of words from his mouth, his hands keep talking--

He's having a whole goddamn chatterbox conversation with Steve's body. Going on and on. Small talk and large talk and huge talk. Detailing every. single. inch. Giving him more than the thousand words that the picture of him spread out on their bed equates to.

His metal hand is cool as it trails down his throat, fitting a smooth, rigid fingertip into the hollow notch at the base of his throat. Steve's bum heart pounds like crazy in his slight chest, his breath hitching. Bucky's palm lays flat on his very flat chest while he cards his fingers through his thinner, more fragile but still golden hair. And Bucky's fingers press firmly into his concave stomach while his other hand abandons his hair to lift his hip. He only needs one hand to guide his body up. Steve doesn't have to twitch or strain or move a single muscle. Bucky can pull him, fold him, and--

Steve might whimper when Bucky pushes down on his tummy again at the same time that he guides Steve's hips up.

He doesn't have to say words to remind Steve of all the lazy, hot, smokey summer afternoons they spent in their cold water walk-up apartment like this. Steve melting like butter into crispy, heated toast beneath Bucky, gasps making Steve's chest heave and his lungs rattle while Bucky carved space for his dick inside his little body, then pressing down against him, palm hot, to feel the way his dick bulged through his belly. Murmuring filth with that lazy, smeared Brooklyn drawl about how tight and hot he feels inside, how he makes Bucky sweat with it, he's fucking sin inside. Hot, dripping sin. His little body a fucking miracle the size of the Woolworth Building, the tallest building until 1929, wrapped in a sweet little package made just for Bucky. Made for Bucky to stretch wide and squeeze into. He'll never fucking understand how he can fit in that tiny fuckin' hole but he's so fucking glad he can, it makes him lose his mind--that tiny little hole.

Made for him.

His.

Stretched open just for him, his body just as stubborn as Steve himself is. Tight and unwilling to be opened until it is, then it's unwilling to let go of Bucky's cock.

Bucky cracks, "yeah, honey?" He murmurs, his voice gone hot and husky.

Steve resolutely clenches his jaw, saying nothing back and trying not to make another sound. Whatever expression he manages to push onto his face, he hopes it's not as transparent as he thinks it is. It's hot. Fine. This is hot. But he doesn't--

It's been, like, fuck, five measly minutes since they got into the bedroom. He can't give it up yet! That's just pathetic.

"Sweetheart," Bucky croons, still with enough self-preservation to keep his voice to a low whisper, "if only you could read my mind... I'm not sure I can tell you everything I wanna do to you right now."

Steve blinks up at him. He's tempted to ask why--is he being underestimated because he's like this?--but he's not sure he wants to get him started.

Bucky, of course, elaborates anyway. No needed to be asked. He's just going "'--Cause I can't think fast enough myself, wish I could just give you everything 'm thinking without having to slow down to talk it out," he rumbles dangerously, too hot for the sound not to come out of him.

Jesus.

Why does he have to be such a sweet-talker? It's not good for Steve's health. Nor his libido.

"I wanna do everything to you like this," his hands lock around his waist, his thumbs and index fingers meeting easily around his entire body. Holding him easily in both hands.

Ah, fuck.

Did this always feel this good? This hot? Being held. Contained. Restrained.

"I wanna do everything to you all the fuckin' time, baby," he growls, nipping his shoulder, then his jaw, "it's no different than normal--"

His teeth sting so sweetly, taking Steve's attention away from the dull pain occupying his entire body to focus on just that. Just the good pain Bucky is sparking through him like lightning. He can hardly think, electrical signals bouncing around nonsensically in his head.

"--it's just a little bit different kinda stuff, y'know," he kisses down his throat, so sensual that Steve can't breathe right, let alone think. "I don't even have to fold you up like a pretzel to make you small like this. I can have you any way I want and still overwhelm you. Take you how you come--take you how I want. I don't have'ta do anything, I don't gotta think, don't gotta breath, and I can hold you up so easy. Gah," Bucky shakes his head like a dog with a new chew toy, intent on tearing it apart, "darlin', I want everything. I wanna fucking lick you until you're writhing. I wanna blow you, my nose shoved up against your lower belly. I wanna spread you open and get you loose as I can on my fingers. I wanna fuck you so deep you don't just feel it in your guts, I wanna see it is your guts. I wanna fuck your face when you're lying on the bed, head hanging off, and see my dick bulging in your throat. I wanna throw you over my shoulder, honey. Take you with me. I wanna fucking eat you, Stevie." His eyes are so heavily lidded and so dark that it's fucking hypnotic.

Steve can't look away.

"C'mon, honey, you gotta let me. Don't be sore at me, dollface. Lemme treat you right. Please?" He blinks those big, grey eyes at him, begging. And--

"Fiiine," Steve tries to sound put out. The look on Bucky's face tells him he isn't successful, and it's the same story for the way his fingers tighten on his body with anticipation. "I guess it's fine. But you gotta hop to it then, soldier. Got it? Little less conversation, a little more action, please."

Thankfully, Bucky's pleased enough about having wittled him down that he doesn't even need to croon out the rest of the (old) modern reference--he's always been a singer at heart. Dreamboat. Dork. He just does as Steve requests, giving him just one long look, trying to decide where to start, probably, before a curling, honey-dripping smile pulls at his lips and he flips him neatly over, practically tossing him, so he can get at his ass, tearing his pants off and ducking between his thighs. His hot, humid breath fuels Steve's sudden awareness of his body and how little it is. He feels like little red riding hood on the precipice of being torn into by the wolf--my, what hot breath you have; my, what big jaws you have; my, what sharp teeth you have...

Steve shivers so hard that he has to scramble to hold onto their sheets, balling his hands into fists. Otherwise, he's going to unravel. He's gotta fucking hold on. Oh, God. Bucky's square, bearded jaw between his cheeks, Bucky's hot, heavy hands spreading him open, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky--he's so big. Steve feels so little.

And he likes it.

He fucking likes it.

If his big bad wolf doesn't tear into him now, he's gonna make him. He'll tell him. He'll demand it. He'll beg. If that's what he wants. He'll beg.

Please.

I hope you enjoyed that teaser 😘

[brighttears]

i love your characterization of Joel!! he’s just the perfect mix of protective and angsty and sweet!

id like to request a drabble or fic (whatever one you’re comfortable with) of Insecure! joel. Maybe it’s because of the age gap, or he feels like he can’t protect you well enough like younger guys can! i really loved the fic where he’s watching the reader sleep and the convo they have after it’s so sweet. Maybe a little bit of a continuation of that?

sorry if this is all over the place, and if you decide to write this then thank you! :)

Joel Miller x reader 

No physical description except for having hair, no use of y/n, completely gender neutral 

Warnings: language, mentions of death, age-gap, pet names (baby)

Word count: 1.5k

A/n: I know my writing has been lacking so I hope this isn’t trash and thank you for the request !! I enjoyed writing this :3

—

Joel smooths his hair back, sighing at the gray in his reflection. He turns his head to the side and pulls at the lines connecting his nose to his mouth, then his cheek down, which accentuates the tired gouges under his eyes. He inspects the crow’s feet reaching out to his temple. Are those freckles, age spots, or just being unclean? He’d never noticed before how much of his mustache and beard were near completely gray. The knuckles of the hand on his face are scarred on top of scars from decades of fistfights and beatings. To be fair, the cracked mirror is extremely dirty, but Joel knows that doesn’t make a real difference. At the sink in the grimy bathroom, Joel condemns his reflection. 

He’s old. Only recently had he realized this, or started paying real attention to it. With too much else to crowd his mind, Joel had almost forgotten his age; he hadn't had to think about it.

What really bothers him, aesthetics aside, is how his bones ache when the weather changes now, how his knees hurt and he’s out of breath when he walks up more than three flights of stairs. He reminds himself of his dad when he groans getting out of a seat and it takes him four times longer than it used to. 

What all this means is he’s growing less capable, and it’ll only get worse, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’ll only get slower and soon enough he’ll be deaf. He won’t be able to aim a gun or actually run. He snickers at the thought of dying from old age instead of a bullet. 

His real worry isn’t with himself, though: it’s always you first. If he can’t run, how will he get you out of somewhere when you need to escape? If he can’t hear, how will he know if someone’s sneaking up behind him? What if you’re screaming for him and he can’t hear you? What if he doesn’t notice a Clicker in time? If his vision goes and he loses his aim then he can’t hunt to feed you, not to mention that a gun is the first line of defense against everything. 

He’s been sure, pretty much since the day you met, that he is going to protect you until the day he dies, but he hadn’t been thinking about the threat of aging. 

Interrupting him, you push the door open and stroll into the bathroom. You come up behind him to slink your hands around him and knit your fingers together on his pudgy belly. Leaning to the side so that you can look at the reflection of you and him, your cheek presses against the side of his arm. Joel moves a hand over yours and sighs, a smile teasing his lips. 

“Look at you, pretty boy.” You tell his reflection. He titters. “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinkin’… ‘bout how I look like I could be your dad.”

You pull away, playfully punch his arm and laugh, “Fuck off!”

“I do, though, look.” Joel takes your wrist to lightly pull you back to him at the sink, holding you by your middle behind you, he rests his chin on your shoulder so that faces are side by side in the mirror. 

Joel reaches a hand up to touch your hair, holding a piece up to be viewed. His head moves up and down from his stable chin as he talks, “My hair’s goin’ gray.”

“You’re a silver fox.” You counter. 

Joel chuckles. “Silver fox?” 

“Yes.” You turn in his arms to face him, “You trying to tell me you're ugly? Because you should know not to even try it.”

“I’m tryin’ t’say I’m old.”

“‘Old’ isn’t the first word that comes to mind." You reach up to run your hand through his hair, speaking to it, "But, first of all, it means you’ve made it far enough to start getting gray hair. And I mean, these days, people start going gray by the time they’re thirty. I don’t know why you’re so worried about it.”

“I’m not just talkin’ about the hair. I mean, I’m gettin’… less and less capable. Not that I was ever—” he pauses, deciding on different words, but they’re not much better, “I’m gettin’ worse.” 

“Worse?” Your forehead creases, “I don’t like this rabbit hole you’re going down.”

“It’s not a rabbit hole. It’s the truth.”

“Joel. The fact that you’re fifty six” Joel inwardly cringes at you saying his age out loud, “means that you’re more than capable. You should wear it as a badge of honor.”

“I’m not talkin’ ‘bout how I feel about it, I’m talking about my faculties.”

“No, I know. I’m trying to say that your age represents how fucking good you are at surviving. It’s badass.” You raise your eyebrows at him. 

“I’m not concerned about me.” Is all he replies with. 

There’s a pause. You sigh and survey his face. “I trust you. I know you can keep me safe.”

Joel pulls away from you, frustrated, “That doesn’t matter. I mean, it matters, but that’s still not what I’m talkin’ about. I can try as hard as I want, and I’m gonna do everything I can to keep you safe, but what about when tryin’s not enough?” Joel’s looking at you, but not really—really, he’s flipping through the thoughts in his head, perfervid, “What about when tryin’ is too slow? When I can’t fight someone off’a me? Or you? What about when I go fuckin’ blind and can’t shoot a gun? I mean I’m already fuckin’ up, I can’t—I can’t—”

“Are you saying you want me to leave? I’m too much for you?”

“No, no baby no, I don’t want you to go please don’t go—”

“Joel, calm down.” You put your hands on his shoulders to get his attention but speak softly to bring him down, “You are getting in your head about this. Everything is ok. You’re fine, I’m fine.”

“But what about—“ 

“I don’t care, Joel, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is right now. That’s all I can afford, and your soul’s just as broke as mine is. Can you just be here, with me, now?”

“Yes, yeah, I can. You’re right baby I’m sorry—”

“You don’t need to be sorry Joel.” You smile, almost chuckling at him, “I’m not scolding you, you’re not in trouble for worrying.” You give him a short, soft kiss but he won't let it go, chasing your lips. He puts his hand behind your head to hold it in place and then brings the rest of him to you with his hand on your jaw. He repeatedly smacks your lips but deepens the kiss each time. And then you’re making out, which Joel loves to do because it makes him feel young again. When he pulls back away, you wrap your arms around his neck, naturally beaming. Joel takes notice of the wrinkles on your own face, the crow's feet and smile lines like his. He traces a finger over them. 

Sometimes the love makes his chest ache. His heart has a habit of making it feel like he’s already lost whatever it is it’s loving. Love and fear muddle together sometimes, and he's not always sure which one he’s feeling when he looks at you. All he knows is that no matter how tightly he holds you, you never feel close enough, and no matter how long he does, it always feels like you’re about to slip away. With his age, he’s not afraid of dying first, it is exactly the opposite; Joel is terrified of you dying first, because of him.

Part of him wants you to leave him, find someone younger, stronger, faster, still sharp, someone who can protect you better than he can. He’d even tried shoving you away once, but you would have none of it. That’s when he opened up for the first time about his insecurity with his age, and that was the first time you saw him cry. 

The rest of him says that he can’t live without you. What else is there left to do if it’s not for you? You are his risk, the twine holding him here, what keeps him awake, what reminds him that his skin can be supple. He is a shield, but he is built out of wood. 

You take both of your hands to caress Joel’s face and whisper, “Grow old with me.” 

He brings his hands over yours, feeling the warmth of your skin against his. Your finger twirls a lock of gray next his ear, thumb brushing down his cheek, palm on his patchy beard. He relaxes into your touch. From it, he knows where he is now, what’s real. He understands that you’re right here with him, safe and sound, letting him love you, and that’s what matters. Years and heart be damned, love ages, but it doesn’t get old.

[stripedstarsblueflags]

Heatstroke (blueflags’ version)

around the qatar gp, we hear a lot of heat stroke symptom terminology thrown around like a bulleted list, spoken with a completely casual air like it’s something to no worse than jet lag. here’s a bit of translation from someone who’s actually experienced it:

headache: it’s more like pressure. you’re not even fully aware of the pain, it’s more like that ear-pop feeling you get on an airplane but all around your head. it makes sounds seem kind of muffled, too.

nausea: less so in your stomach, kind of more at the base of your chest and in the back of your throat. you feel like your throat is closing up, not in a choking way more like your gag reflex is being triggered seemingly by your own body. pressure on your throat and pain in the middle/based of your chest where your rib cage splits, that constant constriction in your throat, tingling in your jaw and mouth like you’re salivating more than you mean to even if your mouth is super dry.

dizziness: not literal, just-got-off-a-fairground, vision-swirling dizziness. it’s less about your vision and more about not feeling like you can find a vestibular rhythm. it’s as if there’s not enough blood in your feet or legs for you to feel the ground, or how far below it is for you to step. ever walked off a curb and it’s way shorter than you think so you kind of jarringly stomp on the ground instead? or the opposite, it’s deeper than you expected and you put all your weight down while your foot’s still in midair? imagine that but every step.

lightheadedness: this but in the entire upper half of your body. you feel like you’re so heavy that you’re sinking to the bottom of the ocean, or so light that you’re floating up into the atmosphere, at the same time. you’re surrounded by pressure and out of control.

lack of focus/cognitive skills decreasing: THIS. not the most unpleasant but by FAR the most dangerous to someone operating a race car. they make it sound like it’s just the kind of spacing-out you do when you’re really sleep deprived, or coming down from a bong rip. it’s a lot worse. the best way i can describe it is like everything is a dream; you’re sleeping awake.

you ever been in a dream and something about the plot requires you to remember what happened earlier in the dream itself? when you wake up, you can piece everything together, but your dreaming self can’t do that. you’re operating on whatever knowledge is in your head at that very second, and as each minute passes it’s like your own memory throws itself away. you’re not 100% sure of what you just did or said. the memory has that fuzzy, ephemeral quality of a dream upon waking, where it could have happened but it feels so much more like a guess than a fact.

and sometimes you think you’re fine but then all of the sudden you startle back into your own body and realize you can’t remember how you got where you are, or what the person in front of you said, or why you’re holding a certain thing (or how you just drove for the last three hundred meters, perhaps?). your short-term memory starts disappearing like condensation on a window. and that’s fucking scary enough when you’re not putting your own and nineteen others’ lives in your hands for ninety minutes.

you also get that one-track mind thing you do when you’re high, where one thing seems to take up far too much importance in your head for far too long. you freak out over that one memory you can’t quite place, or this one task you can’t quite get right on the first time, whether or not it matters and whether or not you’re supposed to be doing something else.

“i need some encouragement, mate.” encouragement in this case doesn’t mean “i need some feel-good motivation! i need a happy face sticker!” it’s more like i need an outside source to ground me in this reality because i can’t focus on anything outside of what’s going on in my head, and what’s going on in my head makes no sense, and i’m scared.

that’s probably the worst symptom in the context of motor racing. except probably

blacking out: i’m not a doctor so PLEASE take this with as many grains of salt as you please. but in the context of heatstroke, blacking out is similar to what might happen during a fever, in which your body is literally so hot that your brain is starting to take the damage. that’s why fevers alone can be so dangerous, sometimes even more so than whatever they’re caused by, because parts of your brain begin shutting down like an overheating laptop. everything’s struggling, so your body starts redirecting any and all blood flow it can spare to the important parts; that’s what blacking out is. it’s more important for your body to keep itself functioning than to keep itself awake. if it’s because of something like a blood sugar crisis or anemia, those conditions can have pretty quick short-term solutions. but the desert isn’t just gonna turn on the AC. the heat crisis continues even as the body attempts to protect itself. remember lance collapsing at the end of last year and the mechanic immediately rushing with the cooling fan? if that temperature doesn’t start lowering immediately, it’s a race against the clock.

also, if you black out at 200 mph… well. i don’t need to spell that out.

THIS HAS BEEN A HEATSTROKE PSA.

[gyrovagi]

1-5, 7, 8, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 24, 27, 28, 30, 36, 37, 39, 40, 41, 42 AND 43 for rina hawke pleaz… every time i hear about her she sounds more insane i need to know her brain

(hawke questions) RINA INFORMATION BLAST !!!!! she's my darling she's evil and insane i love her so much.

1. Does Hawke look more like Malcolm or Leandra? Do they look like their siblings?

in my head at least, rina is pretty much the spitting image of leandra. if told they look alike, rina and bethany would insist that's ridiculous, but i realized after settling on rina getting an act 2 fuckass bob that it looks kind of like the bethany haircut i'm used to and it devastated me.

2. What is Hawke's personality and does it change during the years?

SMILES. so rina is primarily purple and i think, meta-level, varric would retroactively remember her even at the start as a charming, witty person who always had a smirk and a smart remark. act 1 red rina did have the same sense of humor when she could display it, but that was rarely. she was just absolutely fucking over it, feeling deeply bitter and used by essentially everyone she'd met in kirkwall the past year, and did not give a shit about anything other than getting paid so she could keep her family safe and afloat.

her shift into purple by act 2 is equal parts an intentionally crafted persona now that she's invested in being seen as a noble lady, and a genuine ability to loosen up now that she's not worried about making ends meet, or about protecting bethany from the templars. in general she has always had a tendency to act the way she thinks people want her to, at least the people whose opinions she cares about. first the person she's really personalitycrafting for is varric, later on it's him and sebastian. neither of them ever fully processed this

3. How did Hawke feel about Lothering? Did they like their home?

i think as a child rina was always fascinated whenever leandra talked about kirkwall and the life she had there, and though she got older and eventually regarded this as childish there was always a part of rina that clung onto the idea that she could have had a life better than this, and maybe she deserved a life better than this. i don't know if rina ever managed to feel fully stable there, the family had already been forced to move before and she always knew it could be a possibility again.

she was quite invested in being liked there though, and after ten years it's impossible not to feel rooted in a place and then devastated when your home is destroyed. act 1 rina misses lothering, act 2 rina thinks kirkwall has done more for her than lothering ever could have.

4. How did Hawke react when Malcolm died?

so. wot says malcolm died in 9:27. bethany's legacy dialogue says carver joined the army when he was 15, the twins were born in 9:11 so this would be 9:26. which is to say, i have a vision where rina (and seongmin) ended up following carver into the army to look after carver, and as a result she and carver were not there when malcolm died. for rina it just... did not feel real to be informed of her father's death by letter, and then she returned home to be crushed by responsibility while leandra collapsed with grief, leaving her very little space to grieve on her own or find closure in her own relationship with malcolm. it felt in the end like malcolm's death cut off any alternative routes for her other than spending the rest of her life taking care of her mom and bethany. more than anything she wanted him back just to take care of everything, including her.

5. What was Hawke's relationship like with their family prior to Lothering's destruction? Who are they closest to?

rina has always been her mother's daughter. for better or worse, it's leandra whose love and good opinion she's clung to since she was a kid. she loved malcolm dearly and idealized him as a source of stability who kept the family safe and together through everything. but it always felt like he was too worried about something else, or more focused on bethany, to really have a close relationship with her. she was the Reliable One, she didn't have to be worried about.

both malcolm and leandra set her up to shoulder a lot of responsibility as the eldest daughter, and her relationships with carver and bethany have always been simultaneously close and strained as a result. she's overinvolved and she's annoyed the whole time while actively refusing to consider that if she clearly doesn't want to, she actually doesn't have to base her whole identity on being the elder sister in her siblings' business. before malcolm's death she kind of hoped that maybe one day she'd find a nice man to get married to and she could start her own family and not worry about her siblings anymore. a part of her always knew this was unrealistic, and after malcolm's death it was just clearly impossible.

7. Who did Hawke join - the mercenaries or the smugglers? Is there a particular reason for it?

something toxic yuri adjacent was happening with athenril i just know it but unfortunately rina is heterosexual. she knew she couldn't afford to be picky but mercenary work honestly struck her as more unsavory and actively dangerous, particularly wrt concealing bethany as an apostate. a smuggler probably knows more about keeping all that hidden. Also me the player just wanted to take the bribe from the guy meeran asks you to kill

8. How does Hawke feel about taking care of their family? Do they feel like they're carrying a burden or do they assume the responsibility?

rina wouldn't know who she was if she wasn't the Responsible One. her identity is very much tied up in being the eldest daughter who the family relies on, but that doesn't stop her from clearly feeling choked by it the entire time. she holds onto responsibility jealously because asking for help would be like admitting she's not good enough, she's doing a bad job. and she hates it and is doing a bad job. she loves bethany. she also knows that if bethany had never been born, or if she hadn't been born a mage, rina's life would have been so much easier. coming to kirkwall and being faced with the life that was once leandra's, the life that could've been hers, makes it so difficult not to keep dwelling on that 'what if.'

10. What's their first impression of Varric?

he's probably full of shit. scratch that, he's definitely full of shit. but he's the first person who rina feels like is reaching out to help her when she's barely been keeping her head above water for the past year. and he makes her laugh.

11. During their first year in Kirkwall, did Hawke recruit everyone? And what are their opinions on the whole group?

jesus this could get so long if i let it. i'll try to make it snappy.

anders: no this one is too complicated to summarize. he reminds her of malcolm and of ferelden, generally, but this honestly makes her uneasy around him. he's objectively doing good work, so it would be unjustifiable to call the templars down on him even if he is an abomination. rina took anders on the deep roads expedition and a part of her wonders - if he'd stayed in kirkwall maybe he would've found a way to keep bethany away from the templars. but then that makes it her fault for wanting to bring a healer and a grey warden along and she can't stomach that. overall actually rina finds him tolerable, maybe even fun when you can convince him to drop the mage-templar thing, but thinks he's misguided/too extreme. up until he nearly kills ella, and then he's a dangerous Thing, but a dangerous Thing that it's better for her to keep an eye on. and varric likes him for some reason.

aveline: the older sister she never had (derogatory). they argue constantly and rina still drags her around everywhere. if aveline had managed to actually ask out donnic by herself rina would have deliberately sabotaged their relationship. instead she just refuses to matchmake which doesn't have the same oomph

fenris: varric and fenris are literally rina's only 100% friends dfsdnjkfn. particularly in act 1 when rina is at her most raw and bitter, i think they see each other as relatively similar people. she's fiercely defensive of fenris' independence, genuinely wants him to be able to build a new life, and for better or worse never really challenges him. Rina tell us more about what you're thinking when fenris kills his mage sister in front of you

isabela: the internalized misogyny involved in her insane beef with isabela is fucking catastrophic. rina's other rivalries are more complicated but she flat out cannot stand isabela. they cannot have A conversation with each other unless varric is around to act as a buffer. expanded on below

merrill: there's a part of rina that can't help but feel sympathetic towards merrill as someone left to fend for herself in kirkwall, away from the only home she's ever known. what this really adds up to though is that she feels like marethari made her responsible for taking care of yet another mage. she feels obligated to watch out for merrill but she doesn't seem to really like her. she's very condescending and paternalistic. she thinks merrill is misguided but the only person she'd hurt was herself until the Evil Mirror entered the picture.

sebastian: well he just cuts a very romantic figure, doesn't he? it's hard to tell what rina's genuine feelings about him as a person are, as opposed to her feelings about him as an idea. every girl wants a prince, varric. and she really wants to be the somewhat romanticized/idealized figure he sees her as, this self-made hero who guides kirkwall through the chaos.

varric: see above answer. clearly her closest friend, her hype man, her darling, they've been maintaining a straightbaiting joke-flirty thing for years and it's impossible to tell if they're actually serious about it. she genuinely loves him and relies upon him and whenever she has to confront the depth of those feelings she gets terrified and retreats to a safer distance. sometimes she is deliberately kind of cruel to him just to watch him let her get away with it. i haven't seen challengers but i think she would love doing some challengers shit to him and sebastian

13. Is there someone, from the Kirkwall gang or an NPC, that Hawke does not like? Why?

rina fucking hates gamlen 😭 but her beef with isabela is truly radioactive like elephant's foot levels it's bad in there. there's a nightmare of internalized misogyny mixed in there, there's her perceiving isabela as a Bad Influence on bethany (do NOT act like a cool older sister type around MY sister), there's some amount of envy of isabela being so determinedly independent and freely pursuing what she wants which rina has never been able to experience. and then they also just do not get along on a personality level i think. this was more pronounced with act 1 aggressive rina, she just thinks isabela is unserious in a way that's not charming.

it WAS extremely funny to get isabela's rivalry scene where she's mad at hawke for being too much of a do-gooder that is not what's going on there. i think isabela actually has an accurate read on rina as someone who's trapped herself in a pit of resentment and takes it out on other people

14. How does Hawke feel about blood magic?

no good bad and evil. malcolm always made that clear and everything rina's seen since coming to kirkwall has reinforced her belief that it's a power that can only be misused. she views merrill as more misguided than malicious but she is really quite mean to her about it.

16. What happened to Bethany/Carver after the Deep Roads expedition and how does Hawke feel about it?

bethany was left in kirkwall (when it comes down to it rina is going to listen to her mom.) and taken by the templars. as much as it was devastating - this is the one thing rina was always told not to let happen, and she never manages to shake the thought that it's her fault (for leaving bethany behind, for taking anders with her on the expedition when maybe he could've found a way to get bethany away) - it also came as something of a relief. the worst case scenario has happened now, and it's... fine. bethany's fine, if anything she seems happier now, because she no longer has to look over her shoulder constantly and she has company and purpose with other mages. rina doesn't have to worry anymore, she's fucking free. by the time act 2 rolls around rina has started to believe all that was wasted effort and there's nothing wrong with the circles actually

24. Is Bartrand dead or alive? Did Hawke let Varric keep the red lyrium?

rina held a vicious grudge and she was not walking out of that mansion without seeing bartrand bleeding out on the ground. (no anders in the party to induce brief lucidity.) and she lets varric keep the red lyrium because he's her pookie

27. What were Hawke's thoughts after Leandra is found dead? Did they blame themselves or someone else? How did they grieve?

everything about leandra's death was just too horrific for rina to be able to process it as real, and the protracted dissociation was really the only thing that allowed her to push through the end of act 2 and stop the city from going to shit. all this is a nightmare and i'm going to wake up. any second now!

rina had to blame someone for what happened, and she couldn't find anyone to blame but herself, and that guilt and failure was absolutely impossible for her to live with. for the most part it came out as anger. aveline ended up getting the brunt of her attempts to displace blame, it's her city guard that failed to find the killer for years, but gamlen had a pretty rough time as well. she lashed out at pretty much everyone without much consideration and most attempts to offer condolences were met with yelling. she could not bring herself to face bethany at all. in my mind palace i think Something Happens between her and sebastian while she's grief spiraling and then they don't have an actual conversation about it for years

28. Did Hawke initiate a relationship with any of their companions? If so, why were they attracted to that companion? Was it a frienship or a rivalry romance?

I have a terrible tendency to flirt with fenris in playthroughs where i know damn well i'm not romancing him in the end sorry fenris. wouldn't have worked out rina has commitment issues and nothing to really gain from pursuing that relationship.

ultimately she's in a rivalry romance with sebastian, though it's important to note that she never at any point stops having the world's worst emotional affair with varric. which began before sebastian even really entered the picture. she does genuinely find him charming and views his faith in the maker as something admirable, she wishes she had that kind of certainty about. anything. but there's no denying that a big part of her attraction to him is based in the fact he's a prince and someone she like... should find attractive and want to get married to. catholic failmarriage!!!!

30. How does Hawke feel about being the Champion of Kirkwall?

she thinks she's finally getting the recognition she deserves. (girl what did you to deserve this. hand over isabela???) it's something that feels real and concrete to cement her as a powerful figure in kirkwall, someone worthy of respect and consideration. and it's hers, not something she inherited but something she won. it really goes to her head, she wholeheartedly buys into the narrative of herself as a big hero and never looks back. mother would be proud.

36. How does Hawke feel about Anders behaviour (in regards to him being secretive about the 'potion') in act 3? Are they suspicious of him or are they understanding?

rina is all-in on separating anders from justice, it's something she's been pushing for ever since he nearly killed ella. she wants to believe he's not beyond saving if he just manages to get that fucking demon out of him. but she does draw the line when anders asks her to distract elthina and realizes something Must be up. she's kind of in denial about it - she wants to believe that the situation in kirkwall is tenable and she can continue living her relatively comfortable life as the city's champion, and she refuses to acknowledge any potential threats to her peace. whatever anders is planning will blow over. it has to.

37. Did Hawke find Charade and how do they feel about discovering a new cousin?

she does not she is not getting involved in gamlen's business like that. she dgaf. if she had, she would not have been impressed with the scavenger hunt charade put her through and the danger, however inadvertent, and they would have parted on bad terms.

39. How does Hawke react to the explosion of the Chantry? How do they feel about Anders's actions and do they kill him or let him live?

it really does feel like a personal betrayal. she doesn't gaf about elthina or anyone else killed in the blast, she realizes immediately that this is what anders was trying to get her involved in, an act that completely destroys her willful ignorance and ensures that her comfortable life in the city she saved is never going to be the same. she thinks he's a fucking madman trying to start a war nobody can win. the only possible judgment is death and she knows that his death won't undo anything, that annulling the kirkwall circle can't stop the dominos from falling, that no matter what she's going to be living in a world defined by the consequences of ander's actions, and it's ruining her fucking life that she fought for over the course of seven years. sorry rina you are living in a tragedy!!

40. Who does Hawke side with - Mages or Templars? And why?

in act 1 rina is really a centrist who doesn't see a problem with the status quo and can't afford provoking the ire of people in power. bethany's her sister but she couldn't care less about these other schmucks she runs into, particularly when she keeps on running into dangerous ill-intentioned blood mages. she becomes increasingly aligned with the templars after bethany is taken to the circle and seems completely content there, but it's really more pragmatic than ideological. if pressed rina might admit that meredith is extreme and sometimes paranoid, but she's the only real power in the city and she does technically get results. it only benefits rina to align with her, to improve her own position and to make sure bethany's taken care of in the circle.

41. What does Hawke do after they flee Kirkwall (if Viscount, after they are disposed by the templars)?

it's hilarious to me if cassandra was desperately trying to track down hawke and rina was literally just. in starkhaven. and it probably was something of an open secret even, but sebastian's not letting anyone in to bother his wife. i don't have a clear timeline vision for when they got married - i like the idea that it was shortly after rina was named viscount as an attempt to like, legitimize both her and sebastian?

42. Do they try to keep contact with the other companions?

with varric, regularly. with aveline, yes, though 9/10 times it's her asking aveline for some kind of favor. obviously she's married to sebastian and she is continually obligated to look after bethany but i honestly think that's it, i think she falls out of contact with fenris and never really makes an effort with merrill. my girl has one (1) friend

43 answered here :)

[peachyjinx]

On The Edge- Chapter 3: The Hunger

Word count: 3.8k

Summary: Loki, as usual, is a big flirt and driving you crazy. You finally find out why you can't orgasm (this chapter is all plot).

Warnings: This fic kind of goes into the non-consensual realm, Loki really is a jerk. But also he's also a sexy mischievous God so I'm into it...

Day 21

Ok things are definitely desperate now. You thought you were desperate weeks ago, but this is a whole other level. You laid sweaty in your sheets, hopelessness creeping in as you stared at the ceiling. The early morning light shined in, giving your room a soft, warm glow. 

This time, you had tried mixing it up while you masturbated, and thought of Eric. That kind, handsome man who looked like he walked straight off of the cover of a bodice ripper in the 90’s. Yet still- no orgasm. 

Eric had been out of town for work, so you’d still been unable to test Wanda's theory with a real dick. And to make matters worse, Loki had been insufferable. He’d increased his flirtations with you, which you can’t help but suspect is because he knows you and Eric are talking. 

Now Loki blatantly hits on you, and you thought you might die when he caressed the small of your back the other day when the team gathered for a meeting. It’s as if he’s constantly teasing you, keeping you right on the edge without relief. 

And it doesn’t help that none of the Avengers are currently on a mission. Everything has been calm, and all of your co-workers are around, making you even more stir crazy. You’ve busied yourself with museum trips and hanging with Wanda and Vision, but it’s not enough. 

But relief was just around the corner. Today Eric gets back, and the two of you have yet to make plans. You decide there’s no way you’re giving in to Loki now, especially with his performance at the fair and the fact that he only seems to want you when you’re interested in someone else. 

You took a deep breath, trying not to let yet another missed orgasm cloud your judgment as you texted Eric. Play it cool, and not like you’re miserably horny and in aching need for a good fuck. 

Hey, do you want to meet up tonight? 

Within a minute, Eric replied.

Yea, that’d be great! Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there ;)

A stupid grin spread across your face- you loved how easy it was with Eric. Here he was, excited to see you, and not teasing or messing with you in any way. Just available. You imagined Loki and Eric as a little devil and angel on your shoulder like those old cartoons and chuckled to yourself. You’ll go with the angel- it’s probably a better decision in the long run. You shook your head as you stood out of bed, mentally shaking off Loki and embracing Eric. 

What was it your grandma always said? “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone!”. You smirked to yourself, knowing how much it would piss off Loki to see you dating Eric. Good.

BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP

Suddenly, the alarms went off, and your eyes darted to the flashing red light in the corner of your room. OF COURSE there’s a mission when you’re literally hours from finally getting thoroughly fucked. 

-----

Day 23

Your mind wandered to Loki casually walking through the staff showers the other week. The way he sauntered with just a towel around his waist as he walked past you. You thought about his chest, strong and powerful, begging to be kissed. His abdominal muscles, perfectly carved and ready for you to run your nails down. That peek of hair below his belly button, trailing towards…

You snapped out of your intrusive and horny thoughts. 

You could feel his eyes on you as you looked anywhere else but his direction. The quarters were too close, Loki sat only a few feet across from you for the last hour. The Quinjet was quiet, but your brain was humming with anxious, dirty thoughts. You tried to focus on the equipment piled against the wall of the aircraft. 

You realized you were fidgeting with your feet and stopped, and stole a glance at Loki. Those piercing eyes were watching you, studying you. You felt yourself squirm as you immediately looked away. What is his problem? Your eyes drifted to Steve and Wanda in the cockpit flying your team home, and tried to figure out how much longer until you were back in the tower. Back to Eric.

The moment the aircraft landed, you jumped out of your seat, texting Eric with an update on your availability. 

“You seemed a bit distracted,” Loki chastised you as he followed you off of the Quinjet. You rolled your eyes, trying to move as quickly as possible to the showers. It was dinner time, and you were hungry for more than a meal. And you had a date- a sure thing.

"Whatever," you muttered as you marched down the hall, opting to go back to your room to clean up instead of the staff locker room. You were not in the mood for Loki’s shit tonight, you had a more serious mission- to have an orgasm. 

You stood at the elevator, ignoring Loki as he walked up behind you. You felt his strong hands wrap around your waist as he pulled you up against him. 

“Hey- what are you?-”, you could barely blurt out in shock as you looked around, wondering if anyone saw what he was doing. 

“If you need help…with your distraction…all you have to do is ask,” he purred in your ear, sending a chill down your body, making you shudder. You could feel his strong chest against your shoulders, his breath on the back of your neck. You had never been more turned on in your life, and your eyes closed for a moment as you felt yourself begin to melt into his body. Memories of his flirting, teasing, and dickish behaviour at the fair flashed through your mind.

You weren’t going to let him do this to you- toy with you because he was bored. The last month had been hell, and he has been making it infinitely more difficult. The flirting. The touching. And now…

All of your annoyance and pent up sexual frustration bubbled up and you exploded. 

“First of all, I was never distracted in the mission! And second of all, I can’t take this anymore, Loki!! Do you want me or not?! You’ve been fucking with my head too much, I can’t take it anymore!! Stop flirting with me, I’ve got a date tonight and I don’t need you messing with my head!!,” you screamed, stomping as you whipped your body away from his. 

Your face felt hot from anger and lust, and you glared at him, pointing a finger. His expression was even more enraging. Loki looked at you as if you were a sad puppy begging for a treat. Pity? He knowingly smirked at you as he always did, stepping to close the gap between you that you had created. 

“Family dinner downstairs, 5 minutes!”, Tony’s voice rang out over the intercoms.  

“God damnit, I have HAD IT with you people!!,” you stormed onto the elevator, holding up a hand to show Loki you didn’t want him to follow.

“What’s another few minutes before you’re off to your date with that buffoon?,” Loki asked, his playful demeanor irritating you. 

“At least Eric’s a nice man. Something you’d know nothing about!”, you spat out while glaring at him as the doors closed.

~~~~~~

Your shower was frenzied with anticipation. Your anger at Loki, not getting off, and desperation for release was all consuming. Every time your mind drifted to Loki holding you up against him, you shook your head and thought of Eric. 

Thankfully, this would all be resolved after dinner. You quickly threw on a cute outfit for drinks with Eric, and headed towards the dining hall the team shared for your “family dinners” as Tony liked to call them. 

A beautiful buffet was spread over tables featuring fresh fruits, roasted vegetables, game bird, and breads. It smelled amazing and reminded you that you were famished. 

“I could get used to these- it’s one reason to keep Loki around,” Nat elbowed you as you all sat down to the large table, with the enticing spread before you. A few weeks ago, Loki had created a similar spread for you all, and your stomach growled excitedly because you knew this one would also be delicious. 

You sat down next to Nat and immediately began filling your plate like your teammates. You saw Loki out of the corner of your eye and you ignored him. But of course he sat next to you. Could he irritate you any more?  

“My, you seem hungry this evening,” Loki noted, and you felt yourself immediately suspicious. What is this game? Why is he always messing with you?

“Well I need a full meal- I’m going out tonight and don’t want it to get too messy,” you snarkily responded, still not looking at him. 

“Ah, yes off to your date with that oaf, ” he drawled as he delicately picked at his food, not eating. 

“Yes, as a matter of fact- I am. And his name is Eric,” you snapped, acknowledging his presence with a glare. You tried not to focus on Loki, but you noticed he wore a black three piece suit with no tie, and the top buttons of his dark green shirt were unbuttoned. You reminded yourself that he’s also an asshole, and you had another hot man who wants you, and you needed to continue to focus on finishing your meal so you can get out as soon as possible.

Loki leaned closer to you, his breath hitting your ear as he lowered his voice. 

“What's the matter Darling, unable to bring yourself to completion on your own?", he asked, before leaning back with a knowing smile. 

“Huh?”, you eloquently replied, trying to assess what he meant. Did he mean…?

Loki leaned forward, his hand snaking to your leg under the table. Your cunt clenched from the electricity of his touch, and you felt your breath hitch. Loki leaned in close again, and you could swear you felt the touch of his lips on your earlobe. 

“Have you been unable to bring yourself the release you so achingly crave? Your lustful fantasies not bringing you the results that you need?”, Loki practically purred in his deep, melodic voice. 

You felt your heart sink in your chest as your cheeks heated up. How did he know? Your mind raced through a million thoughts a minute as you tried to piece together what was going on.

Loki knew you couldn’t orgasm. How did he know? Did Wanda tell him? You looked at him in shock, a devilish smile spread across his face as he popped a grape in his mouth.

“Loki…how did you know that?,” you asked as calmly as you could, trying to keep your voice down so no one could hear. You glanced around the table, and everyone was engrossed in their own conversations, not paying attention to the two of you. 

“Eric will be unable to satisfy you,” Loki spoke Eric’s name with a hint of venom as he sipped from a glass of wine and continued to ignore your question.

You sat still, confused for a moment.

How did he know that?

“What are you talking about??,” you asked with distress, looking into his icy blue eyes. He is so close, you can smell him- warm, leather undertones with a crispness like the pine trees in a forest on a cold day. You begin to feel dizzy, the heady thoughts of wanton sex and anger building in you. His hand drifted a bit, closer to your inner thigh. Your mini skirt gave easy access, and he was dangerously close to where you needed him. A small moan escaped your lips and Loki smirked. 

Loki reached forward on the table and offered you the exotic Asgardian fruit he'd conjured up, holding it up to your mouth to bite. 

“I remember you loved this fruit the last time I conjured one,” Loki showed you, the fruit was pear shaped and peach colored.

“Loki answer me,” you said with a warning in your voice, trying to replace your neediness with sternness as you set down your silverware.

He nodded to the fruit, and then his blue eyes flickered back to you.  You searched his eyes for answers, when a memory flashed through your mind. The fruit. 

Nearly a month ago. When you had all gotten back from that mission in Vancouver. Loki gave everyone a spread of Asgardian dishes when you got back to New York, since none of you could decide on where to order from. A flick of a wrist and you were all feasting like royalty.

Your mind acted quickly, finishing the puzzle. 

The moment on the bench.

 Loki flirting with you. The fair. 

“Are you quite parched, Darling?” 

“If you need help…with your distraction…all you have to do is ask,”

"You seem hungry this evening…"

LOKI DID THIS. 

“Loki…,” your voice shaking as you looked him in the eyes. You could see a glimmer of mischief as he watched you put everything together. 

“...you’d didn’t by chance do anything to me…did you?,” you asked, removing his hand off of your thigh as you turned to face him. 

A wry smile slowly spread across his lips, “And why would I do that?”.

He’s testing you, teasing you again. Like he has been for the last few weeks. Ever since you had that fruit he gave you, you’ve been unable to achieve orgasm. 

You stared at him, a storm of emotions swirling in you- anger, violation, and desire. You could feel your heart racing, and you weren’t sure what you’re going to do next, but you knew you needed to leave the room. You suppressed all of your emotions, slowly getting up from the table. 

“Excuse me,” you forced out before quickly leaving your co-workers, trying not to raise suspicion. 

You moved as quickly to the elevators as you could, but Loki was faster. You felt his iron grip around your wrist as he twirled you towards him from behind. 

You instinctively shoved him away, " You ASSHOLE!!"

Your eyes were seeing red from the rage that’s built, your hands shook as you glared at the handsome prince standing in front of you. 

"Tsk tsk, I wouldn't advise you to touch me like that again, unless it were to lead to more romantic intentions," he casually warned you with a slight smile. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?! You POISONED me?! Why did you do this?! Why did you have to torture me?!,” you screamed, not holding back any more. 

Loki reached out and grabbed your arm again, quickly pulling you closer to his body.  He towered above you, his breath skirting your face. His expression was serious now- he was no longer playing.

"I could have easily taken you. Cornered you in any room of this godforsaken tower. Taken you like you so desperately wanted…,” he paused for a moment, and then a slight tug of a smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. 

“...but where's the fun in that? I wanted to tease you, make you come to me, begging for release,” Loki had pulled your body closer to his. 

For a moment you felt the heat in your veins shift to lust again. His strong grip on your arms and the intensity between the two of you at its peak clouding your judgment. You found yourself lost in his eyes, searching for any kind of regret, or an apology. Nothing. You regained your senses and tried to ignore your lust that was overflowing for this man, despite his cruel actions. 

“Oh like hell, I'm not begging you for shit!,” you insisted, determined not to let the intimacy of the moment take you over. Loki chuckled darkly. 

“You can only find release with me. Nothing- and no one else - will sate you,” he replied matter of fact. His blue eyes were bright as he was clearly enjoying the chaos he had unleashed in your life. 

A wave of hopelessness spread across you, at the mercy of Loki. You thought briefly of how much you lusted after this god, cared about him, only for him to choose this path. He was right, he could’ve easily fucked you any time, any place. But he chose to curse you instead. 

A huge smile spread across his perfect lips revealing his perfect teeth and your anger flared up again. 

“I’m going to smack that grin off of your face, why are you smiling like that??!”, you demanded, desperate for all of this to be over. 

“The spell will only work when the subject- you- has lustful intentions for the creator- me. And I love being right”, his hands dropped down to your hips, pulling your body flush with his. 

“Beg me,” he whispered hoarsely, pushing the hard bulge in his pants against your stomach. You felt your hips instinctively buck against his and you heard yourself whine. Again you suppressed your desire, using all the restraint you had. 

You summoned all of the courage you could, defiantly looking back in his eyes, “No.” 

His eyebrow raised but his knowing smile didn’t change. You wriggled from his grasp, turning from him and quickly walking towards the elevators, not looking back as you stepped in and selected the floor for Wanda’s room.

------

“A curse? Wow, that’s a bit much,” Wanda looked at you confused after you gave her a summary of the last hour of events in her bedroom. 

“I’m just so mad, and annoyed. And to be totally honest, I haven’t come in like a month so I’m trying not to get distracted by my pent up horniness. Can you please remove his spell?,” you implored with a wearied tone. 

You couldn’t tell her that under all of that anger, you were ignited with lust. Loki wanted you, yet had kept you edging for nearly a month. On the precipice. He teased you and taunted you. And all you wanted was release, and now you knew you could only get it from him. Exactly what you had wanted since the day the two of you met. You felt so conflicted, saying no to him in the hallway, while the fire inside you raged for him. You felt yourself starting to panic, pacing in Wanda’s bedroom. 

“Breathe,” Wanda gently held your arms so you were facing her, prompting you to slowly breathe with her. You felt yourself calm a bit after a few moments. 

“Of course I will do anything I can,” she gestured for you to sit on a pillow on the floor while she gathered candles and herbs.  

You sat down and slowly breathed, centering yourself. Wanda created a circle with candles, and sat down across from you on a large fluffy pillow. She set down a small cauldron between the two of you, lighting the herbs sitting inside.

“Okay, I need you to remain calm while I try this, try to clear your thoughts as much as you can”

You groaned and complied, trying to just focus on the moment and the earthy smell wafting through the air, pushing out any thoughts of Loki.

Wanda closed her eyes, concentrating hard as a red aura wrapped around you. You closed your eyes and tried to remain calm. Wanda began chanting in a language you didn’t know, and you continued to clear your mind of any thought just like Dr. Strange had taught you in your meditation lessons. 

“I can’t lift it, I’m sorry,” her sad voice prompted you to open your eyes. Her face was covered with disappointment as she slowly shook her head.

“What? Aren’t you a witch?!”, you heard your voice raised more than you had meant to and immediately felt guilty.  

“He’s way more advanced than I am, he’s got centuries ahead of me. Plus, he's a God. I’m sorry, I can’t,” Wanda reached out and grabbed your hand to soothe you as she could see your mood shift again. 

You huffed in frustration for the millionth time in nearly a month. The reality of everything suddenly came crashing down and you lost it. 

“FUCK!!” you screamed, prompting Vision to appear in the room suddenly, phasing through the wall. You pulled your hand from Wanda, grabbing your head in frustration as your eyes focused on the cauldron on the floor. 

“It’s okay Vis, she’s just frustrated,” Wanda assured Vision, gesturing for him to leave the room.

“What am I gonna do?,” you looked at Wanda, you could feel the tears of aggravation building in your eyes. This all felt so overwhelming. And exciting. It was so confusing, you didn’t know what to feel anymore. 

“Well I think you have to fuck Loki,” Wanda remarked with a smirk, coaxing a small smile from you. 

She’s right, and it’s everything you’ve wanted for months. Reality hits you when you realize Loki is into you. Loki wants you. Desperately. The memory of a few moments ago, when he had his straining cock pushed up against you, passed through your mind again and you felt a wave of heat all over, and your cunt clenched with need. 

“Give me your phone,” Wanda put out her hand, nodding thoughtfully at you. You sighed, unlocked your phone and obliged. Wanda opened your messenger app and began to type. 

“Wait- what are you doing??”

“I’m canceling your plans with Eric,” she looked at you and raised her eyebrows like a big sister who knows best. 

“What! No, why?”, you were trying your best not to get mad at Wanda, she didn’t put you in this position. 

“Loki said Eric can’t make you come, and Loki’s the one you want, anyways! You obviously need to get laid, not to mention this massive crush you have on Loki, too. Now go and get fucked already!,” Wanda enunciated her point as she finished her text to Eric.

You sat, bewildered for a moment about the events that had unfolded. You didn’t even bother to open the texts to see what Wanda had sent Eric. You knew it didn’t matter.

“Thanks Wanda, I think I need to be alone for a few minutes before I do anything. This is all a little much,” you felt the roller coaster of emotions slowing down, and you just needed to recoup and make your plan.

“Of course, but I think we both know where you should go when you leave this room,��� she chuckled, escorting you to her door. 

You mustered out a small smirk as your nerves began to set in. You slowly left her room, your mind swirling with the way everything had unfolded. Mindlessly, you entered the elevator and looked at the floor number buttons, not sure which to choose. 

You were mad, but unbelievably turned on. He could’ve just fucked you. Instead, he chose to tease you mercilessly, edging you for nearly a month. You were sopping wet now, unable to ignore the wetness pooling in your panties. You knew that the moment you surrendered yourself to him, it would be erotic bliss like you’ve never experienced. 

What do you do?

Should you go directly to his room and finally succumb to your desires?

Or make him suffer for what he’s put you through?

Give in?

Or torture him like he did to you?

-----

Author's Note:

Pick the chapter based on which decision you want to make :)

Chapter 4- Submission

Chapter 5- Tease

On the Edge Chapter List

[heatwa-ves]

please explain your izuleo playlist with as much detail as you want im interestedddd

MIKIIII THANK YOU. okay here's my playlist and im gonna do a song by song breakdown... I'll try and keep it decently brief so this doesn't become one million words but we'll see. my playlist is vaguely chronological so it starts pre-checkmate!

astroboy- suggi

okay so this one is just straight up a leo song. you just have to listen to it it's literally about him "I raised my hands up real high, they called me stupid when I asked why we couldn't fly. am I too far ahead of my friends, or I am late?" hellooooo hello. hi. leo tsukinaga everyone!!!! right down to the moon/space theming

"oh, the rain, you're losing your flame, where'd the burn, the passion go? you run through the pain, you're losing your aim, and you feel like you alone missed the grow" LITERALLY about his breakdown post checkmate. uagh.

cheerleader- ashnikko

an izumi song!!! I don't have to explain anything here you get the vibes

brand new city- mitski

having to preface this by saying I do not listen to mitski this is the only song of hers I listen to and only because it makes me think of izumi so much I feel like throwing up.

"If I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive, I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die." yeah. izumi sena.

yoru ni kakeru- yoasobi

well I'm sure you know this song and the story behind it "the seduction of thanatos" I think it works very well about the izuleo dynamic around this time when they're very codependent and leo is so severely depressed and suicidal. they're fucked up ��

it's all so incredibly loud- glass animals

so this one makes me think of izumi going to see leo in a similar vein to lionheart but probably before that and he sees leo so broken and neither of them can bring themselves to say anything. "I tried, for you and I, for too hard, for too long" makes me think of the ending scene of lionheart and so on

softcore- the neighborhood

"you've been my muse for a long time, you get me through every dark night. I'm always gone, out on the go, I'm on the run and you're home alone"

"every time I kiss you, baby, I can hear the sound of breaking down"

you get it. you see the vision. more depression era stuff.

less of you- keshi

depression era leo... there's so many lines in this song that correlate to them but a fav is "too much time in the limelight, gimme your all on the land line, want it so bad but I won't lie and it just gets worse in the night time."

are you happy? - shy martin

"and I know I thought that pain's part of love, but I think I broke you, though I didn't mean to. but are you happy, looking back at us when you met me? would you go back and tell yourself to leave it, knowing what we know?" UARFGHBHBB izumi.... who killed cock robin ass song.

from now on we are enemies - fall out boy

I've talked about this one EXTENSIVELY before but it really is just a song about leo tsukinaga. what else can I say.

always- keshi

well yk.

bad thoughts- half alive

i love when they hate eachother. they don't actually truly hate eachother but man sometimes it feels like it. everything hurts. "like a time you gave your all but just got hurt, like a crack in the mirror bringing out your worst"

to everyone who wants to die- takayan

read the translation oh my goddddd. leo. leo

sing to me- missio

this is a song I DREAM of making an animatic to its just so deeply fundamentally leo

never ending song- conan gray

okay this one is a bit more specific but I like to think of leo while he's out of school seeing izumi in a magazine or an ad or something.. and that brings with it a whole ton of complicated feelings

"but we've grown too close, now it can't amount to nothing. I can hear your voice in the music on the radio, and it goes on and on and on, like a never-ending song" you get ittttt

bodybag- chloe moriondo

more of the vibes more of the complicated feelings . this one is mostly here bc I love it and was thinking about izlo while listening icl. unrelated but chloe moriondo is cool as hell they have some awesome music videos especially the one for this song

love or the lack thereof - isaac dunbar

the epitome of pre/early ! izlo love. to meeee also I just love love loveeee it as a song

last minute - kitty

"you're the loop of rope I hung up in my stupid closet" "you're all poised and im made of poison" do you get it do you GET it. it's leo about izumi frfrfrrr

"could you wrap your hands all the way around my neck, and tell me where I stand, tell me everything I'm wrecking when I spin. take over my breath, in out in, I am missing you to death"

android girl- deco*27

I love this song and while I love the original im partial to rachies english cover especially the lines

"we restart and fall apart together, what we have will drag on in this way forever"

"make it stop, make it stop there's so much guilt and regret, I don't get how I can forget and start to hope again, we haven't even come to the end, so much for promising together forever, we aren't even friends"

the girl in my memories- jeebanoff

"in place of your fleeing love, only my sad solitude remains, even though that time won't come again, the memories that are gone, are forever" more depression yaaay

achilles come down- gang of youths

SORRY it's just such a compelling look at depression and being suicidal... so many of these songs are about Leo's depression but I swear this part of the playlist is over soon and moves further in the timeline. I really love this song it's just... everything about it... leo is achilles here of course and the voices talking him down and telling him to go through with it are his family/izumi and his own mind/the students from school respectively.

calender girl- stars

"all of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day. december is darkest, in june there's the light, but this empty bedroom won't make anything right, while out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home, who waits up for me all through the night- calendar girl who's in love with the world, stay alive"

HEALING!!!!! GROWING AS A PERSON!!!!!! OVERCOMING DEPRESSION!!!! DO YOU GET IT

"I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do, and when I awoke I was sure it was true. I ran to the window, threw my head to the sky, and said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die," but I can't live forever, I can't always be, one day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea"

crush of judgement- knights killers

i don't need to explain this one

move me- half alive

THE izuleo song THE reason I made this playlist. won't you be my song when I cant dance WON'T YOU BE MY SONG WHEN I CANT DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHT MY FIRE BURN THE TREES!!!!!!!!! also watch the music video it's gorgeous

the third heart- harumaki gohan

first of all go play genei ap rn it's a short mobile game created by this artist featuring lots of their songs about a reserved girl who loves music and her more extroverted friend who asks her for song recs. it's a very izuleo vibes game and just a beautiful game in general I think you'll love it sm mikiii

second of all.... just. this song. play the game and watch the music video for the full impact frfr 🫶 anyway back to izuleo

back around- half alive

depression never truly leaves but you get better!! it gets better!!! there are bad days but there are so so many good days!!! this whole album is kinda izlo vibes

you get me so high- the neighborhood

"you're my best friend I'll love you forever" 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 makes me think of them... kind of talking about their past .... not very well because they have no emotional maturity but still.

silent oath- knights

for obvious reasons

reunion- harumaki gohan

I imagine this is after the end of ! era .. they've both grown and matured immensely as people.. it'd probably have more impact if I read requiem but um..... I'll get to it... (I've been saying this for a year and a half) to me it's a goodbye to their teenage years and the ups and downs and them moving forward into adulthood and a more stable relationship

don't be so hard on your own beauty- yeule

they help eachother heal 🥹. this one is a bitttt more reliant on some of my takes on izumi that I don't really wanna get into rn but yk. it's here. it's vibey. things were bad and now they are better. there's sunlight streaming though their apartment window. they don't have anywhere else to be this morning. yk.

work of art- downer Inc, kellin quinn

ueeeghhvhb they love eachother.... izumi brings leo inspiration.... these descriptions are getting less and less coherent

I swear ill never leave again - keshi

ueeeeueueueuehhhehhehhehuuueueue

infinitely ordinary- the wrecks

I like the romance of mundanity.. I think they could be happy.. it's very hopeful and a good ending to the playlist