#having the ask to answer keeps things a little more streamlined

[yellow-py]

hello! you've probably been asked these before, but i'm here to ask how long it typically takes for you to make animatics, if you have any tips, preferred methods, and what you use? i saw your funger animatic and it looks absolutely gorgeous! i love all the detail that's jam-packed into the art and story telling, so i'm curious about your animatic process.

sorry if this is a lot! no need to answer if you don't want to. i love your stuff and i wish you well!

Hi! I don't mind answering some questions!

First things first, I'm not a professional storyboards artist. I've done a few things for some youtube channels. I wouldn't call myself an expert. This is to say that my method of doing things might not the best for people who actually work in the industry. 

Most of the time I work in Storyboard pro 7. But honestly, any editing software works as long as it can handle pictures and audio. For the disco elysium animatic I only used  clip studio paint and some random editing program called Camtasia. It worked alright but it takes a bit longer to finish stuff since storyboard pro is more streamlined. My go-to method right not is to draw the backgrounds in clip studio and the characters and editing in storyboard pro. That way, I get the best of both worlds. 

The funger animatic took about 2 and a half weeks to make. It usually takes longer, but the song wasn't that long so that saved me a lot of time. But as another example, my disco elysium animatic took +3 months. So it really depends. I did work longer on each frame for that one tho, so idk. On average, it takes me about 2 months. But that number keeps going up since my expectations of myself keep rising. 

Anyhow! I'll be bringing up my fear and hunger animatic as an example of my process. 

My animatics usually start out having the ugliest thumbnails known to man. It does let me experiment with framing and timing, which is absolutely crucial. I do not recommend that people start refining frames without having planned out things beforehand.

After that, I just save every thumbnail and import it to storyboard pro. I just scale it up to the current canvas size. Then I just line up every frame with the audio. It is a little bit tedious but you gotta do what you gotta do. 

After that, I begin to draw the backgrounds in clip studio. I do the same thing as in storyboard pro and just size the thumbnail up. And then I just sketch over that! Technically, I could have drawn the backgrounds in storyboard pro. But their brushes are pretty uggo so I prefer to not do that :)

As dumb as it might sound, it kind of stresses me out when my storyboards aren't "pretty". Which is pretty stupid since storyboards are literally made only to be a guide for what an animation should be. so in actuality, it's alright if they're kinda crusty. But since I never intend to animate my animatics I find it nice to spend more time on each frame. Which is sorta stupid because I'm shooting myself in the foot by working so long on every frame...

Either way, after that, I import the new backgrounds into storyboard pro and begin to draw the characters. Technically I could draw them in clip studio as well. But its faster to draw them in story board pro and it also allows me to do some semi-animated things and work faster. So, after a lot of experimenting, clip studio backgrounds and storyboard pro characters is the way to go for me! 

And just to note. This animatic might have only taken about 2 and a half weeks. Which sounds pretty good. But when it comes to animatics I can become a real workaholic if im inspired enough. So every day after school I would sit non stop working on this from the second I got home to when it was time to sleep. As well as every second of the weekend after I was done with my chores. So that is to say I work pretty fast and persistently, which i know is not healthy or realistic. So take my timing with a grain of salt. 

But that's kinda my process. I just draw backgrounds and draw characters until the thing is done. 

If I had to give any advice, I would say it's important to have fun when making animatics as a hobby. When I make an animatic, it's because I personally want to see that animatic, and if other people like it, that is a plus! If you're excited about an idea, it'll be a lot easier to add fun details and soul into it. 

But yeah that's it. I can't really come up with anything else to say. I hope I gave some good insight!

[wings-of-ink]

Ask Guidelines

For the sake of streamlining my inbox, please follow the guidelines below when submitting Asks. I appreciate all your questions, but I simply find that I lack enough free time to spend with them. Some weeks are busier than others for my inbox, but I personally feel it's a bit unfair to those of you who may be waiting a long time for a response. Plus, I do need some "me" time now and again, no matter how much I love sailing around on here.

The biggest and most important thing:  Reaction/Response-style Asks need to be paired down. These are lots of fun for all of us, but they take up a majority of the time I spend on the inbox. When you submit a request like this, please specify your top 2 (max of 3) characters (ROs, side characters, etc…) you want to know the answer for. If you do not specify, I will pick for you based on how quickly I can answer. I'll note, that if you are curious about both parents in GC, I will count them as 1 "person" so you don't have to choose between daddies.

Please do not submit multiple Asks with the same question for the other characters. This will just eat up my time, and I do not want to delete them, but I will have to.

If your question has been asked before, I will try to find a link to it for you (most of these I have tracked in a document). I haven't yet put together an FAQ since I really don't get a ton or repeats for the same questions. One day, I may make a searchable document with them.

Comments and error reports are still very much welcome. If you by chance do not want a response posted, please simply let me know if that is what you prefer. I generally like to post at least a little response to these for you, but if that makes you uncomfortable, please let me know in the Ask.

Music suggestions are welcome (for instance if a song makes you think of a particular character).

Art suggestions are welcome (if an art piece makes you think of a character and such).

Asks that are long/wordy are still okay, as long as they meet the other Ask criteria. I don't mind reading a lot since I can still do that fairly fast (and I totally understand the need for context or if you have several comments to make). I can be wordy myself, so I get it, sometimes you just want those details in there. You may not get a super long response in return, but I read every word.

Try to space out your Asks in general. If you have, say, 3 or more questions, I would appreciate it if you could give me a buffer of time to respond. A good rule of thumb would be to wait until you get your first question answered, and then you submit your 2nd question and so on. This will also help you gauge how full my inbox is (or how much time I have to spare). Much of the time, I try to answer Asks in the order they are received. The only exception to that is if I get ones that I either need to think on a bit or the answer will take me a while to write.

NSFW Asks are totally okay with me. There is not much outside of my comfort-zone. If something is too far, in my opinion, for a public response - I will simply delete it and pop a courtesy post out to try and signal to you that it is one I cannot answer.

I was hoping to avoid placing any rules on my inbox, but I never anticipated this many followers or that anyone would have quite so many questions or comments for my work. This is to ensure that I keep myself controlled more-so than any of you. I have so much fun chatting with you and answering questions, that the IF writing and planning ends up delayed. Since that's why we're here, I need most of my free time to go to the IF(s) and any extras.

I will make updates to this post as needed. There will be a link to at the very end of the Pinned Post too. If the inbox gets a bit crazy or is too much to juggle during crunch times, I will continue to pause it during those so I can catch up.

Thank you and take care, everyone! ^_^

~Lunan

[commodorez]

Top 5 worse computers from the 80s

While I'm sure someone could come up with a more definitive well-curated list, here's what I came up with on a whim: Sinclair ZX-81 The ZX-80 was a good, inexpensive step forward for the burgeoning UK computer market. Its successor, the ZX-81, tripped and fell rather than do anything beyond streamlining it for mass production. A real pain in the ass to type on, and notoriously flaky to do any serious work on. Localized in the US as the Timex-Sinclair 1000, it was too weak to really compete with the American market. British users seem to like them but I'd chalk up most of that to nostalgia goggles.

Apple III Apple tried and failed to make a business machine, and Jobs got his way a bit too much, and it overheated alot because he mandated that it couldn't have a fan. Ultimately, it confused people and was surpassed by better Apple II's. A weird footnote in Apple failures.

IBM PCjr The answer to a question that nobody asked. Crappy wireless keyboard, intended to be bolted to your home television. Cartridges? On an IBM? WTF is that? The expansion options are hot garbage. Eventually it was upstaged by the Tandy 1000 at its own game. Just get a PC XT. Or a Tandy.

Coleco Adam Likes to erase its own tapes if you leave them in the drive on power-up due to an electrical surge it shoves through the tape mechanism. The main system power supply is integrated into the printer, so you NEED the chonky printer to be plugged in for it to work. Has those weird phone pad + joystick hybrid controllers. Just get a ColecoVision to play your cartridge games.

Commodore Plus/4 I was going to take a stab at the MAX Machine, but Commodore did worse with the whole concept of the Plus/4. This thing was too cheap for its own good, and went in a completely bonkers direction at the behest of Jack Tramiel. It's supposed to be a cheap business machine to eat the ZX Spectrum's lunch. Why go after the little guy from the UK market? Who knows. Lame rubber chiclet keyboard, totally incompatible with existing Commodore software and most peripherals, and having 121 colors can't save it from being a dumb idea. Apparently it was a hit in eastern Europe.

Remember, pretty much every system has its fanclub, regardless of how flawed, underpowered, or limited a platform it is. So while I personally don't care for any of these machines, if you're mad at me for taking a pot shot at your favorite, do keep in mind that my favorite computer of all time is the VIC-20. You know, the one that most Commodore enthusiasts ignore for only having 5K of RAM having only 8 foreground colors, only 22 columns of screen resolution, and just not being a C64.

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

✍️ and 🎯 for the ask game!

✍️ If you had total creative control over a production of Cats, what would you change and why?

There's a bunch of little things, but in regards to big things, from a purely aesthetic POV, I would bring back the original Broadway style structuring of the show (mixed with the Original Vienna production), and how it interconnected with its narrative more - so this includes things like the Alonzo Shadow Dance connecting with the Demeter/Alonzo subplot etc.. I'd bring back their costuming and makeup tradition as well, as that I feel was a good example of how designs can be more "muted" from a colour palette standpoint and quick and easy to do, but not look like muddy water.

Also, I'd bring back all of the cut lyrics and stanzas - honestly make the show longer, I wish for audiences to sit in confusion and fear for as long as I demand they be there - I am a believer that CATS should be palatable as little as possible, and making it unsettling and weird again is a must. That being said, I likely wouldn't bring back G**ltiger in any significant capacity (the artistry of that number is commendable, but it has so many negative connotations associated with it, that I do not believe it should be brought back in any capacity, even if re-written), but do believe that "In Una Tepida Notte" and/or "The Ballad of Billy McCaw" should be reintroduced into the show. While I love giving Gus "The Pekes and the Pollicles", I'd like it if we could reintroduce the operetta within a musical angle.

Blocking Jemima/SIllabub and Victoria together more so that it's more evident that the two of them are mutually working towards the show's concluding revelation would add more narrative cohesion leading to the final sing and touch. While I feel in theory the two roles actually being one was a better idea from a streamline standpoint, I love Jemima/Sillabub too much to do that. So that's the compromise.

Plus another thing, I'd want all the counterparts to be on stage as well with their original designs and redesigns - so Plato and Admetus, Pouncival and Carbucketty, etc., so this would be a more rather than less cast.

Also from a purely "no one cares except for me" standpoint, I want Skimbleshanks to be blocked to hang out with his friends (see: Jenny, Jelly, Asparagus, and even Bustopher if he's kept on stage). Why is he always hanging out by himself - let him sit with his friends!/j

🎯 What's a common headcanon/theory/interpretation that you don't prescribe to?

Answered this one, but another one I don't personally subscribe to is Alonzo being siblings with Victoria and Mr. Mistoffelees (whom I don't think are siblings either).

Nothing particularly personal about it, but I already struggle with keeping B&W Alonzo at the forefront of my mind as is, and this one seems to exist mainly just because they have the same colour palette. So it stands on shaky foundation for me - plus I don't think all the cats need to be blood related to one another. It's nice to explore multiple different community and familial angles from each of the generations.

[your-compadre-infinity]

Happy Birthday, @star-critter

Words: 1,274 Time Taken: 4 Hours and 2 Minutes

Part 1 because Tumblr couldn't handle how long this fic is. Dr. Starline was suspicious of his team. Well — colleagues. He wouldn’t call them a team just yet; there were still many things the ragtag group of villains must work on before they could be considered a fully functional team. 

Back to the issue at hand, the platypus was growing wary. For the past month or so, not one person dared to speak a word to him. They were always a mile away from him, at best, and not even the loud and obnoxious Rough and Tumble came to annoy him. Starline found it odd that everyone has decided to keep their distance — it was good for the work, yes, but why now of all times? The doctor couldn’t figure out the reason and it was driving him mad. Perhaps a stakeout would wield results? Starline was good at being stealthy, yes, but not as good as Mimic. That octopus could sneak up on anyone, and if he were to find Starline stalking the team, things may get a little out of hand. But then again, Mimic was also avoiding him, so there really wasn’t any risk, was there? Oh, who was he kidding; Starline still had to calculate all of the other factors and variables before starting this observation.

…  Honestly, though? Starline just wanted answers.  And that’s how the platypus doctor found himself squished between the pipes and the roof, his maroon eyes glued to the hallway below. He swore he would get to the bottom of this — but he sure had hoped he changed into something less pristine.  “Hello, Doctor. Fancy seeing you here.” 

Starline whipped his head around to spot Mimic, disguised as a child mobian, sitting on the pipe beside him and wrapping what seemed to be red ribbon around the mental tube. Just as he was about to question the octopus, Mimic did a double take, his black eyes wide with shock. He leapt off the pipe, changing into the streamlined form of Sonic the Hedgehog and racing down the hall, calling out to the rest of the Deadly 4 to lock the warehouse.  Starline grumbled, climbing out from behind the pipes. Activating the flight powers in his Tricore, he landed on the floor with ease and grace before chasing Mimic down with the speed powers.  Mimic flew into the warehouse and the door slammed behind him.  Starline stood at the door, brushing his perm away from his face and knocking on the door.

“I know you’re in there,” he announced, “open up.” Zavok’s broad shoulders just barely squeezed out from the slim opening in the door. He groaned, mumbling something under his breath before addressing the doctor.  “Starline, why so hasty?” He asked. The Zeti crossed his arms. “This behaviour is unlike you.”

“Would you like to explain to me why you and the rest of the group have been avoiding me for weeks?” Starline glared through his orange-tinted glasses, pushing himself onto his tip-toes in an attempt to match Zavok’s height. “And what are you doing in there? There’s delicate projects in the warehouse.” “We’ve been, um–” Zavok stuttered. He never stuttered. “We’ve been…reorganising the warehouse. Between you and me, I believe the team has been on one too many raids, as of late, and there’s been too much loot. We’ve taken the liberties of rearranging the warehouse, so you can focus on your work. Leave the rest to us.” Starline raised his eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. Zavok gulped quietly as a single bead of sweat dripped down his forehead. He cleared his throat.  “Well then, if you could please leave us to our work?”  Starline sneered as he turned and walked away, glancing back at the warehouse every few steps to check for any other clues. Zavok simply stood in front of the door, obstructing Starline’s view to the inside. The doctor eventually gave in and left the warehouse, returning to his laboratory.  Not enough clues, not enough details, but only more suspicion. What was the group hiding from him?

[gemmahale]

Hiii! For the writers ask my question for you is: what keeps you on track when working out a story? Especially a story with intricate details that will pan out way later in the game?

Talk Shop Tuesday!

Ooh. This is a convoluted answer.

I have a summary at the top of my working document. Sometimes this has 2-3 iterations in bullet points, sometimes it's a few paragraphs, it kind of depends on what mood I'm in while I'm drafting. Sometimes it's a scribbled 3 sentence clusterfuck I have to decode.

All my key info is kept in the summary/character profiles near the top of the document for easy reference.

If I have a conversation about it in Discord or DM's I'll try and screengrab/summarize the takes from there too (or I'll search them if I need to.)

I also probably rely far too much on my own memory too. 😅 Does that mean I've lost some things? Sure, but it also means that I have new ideas that integrate much more smoothly. (Tagging things on Tumblr with the specific WIP tag and #Insipration or #Reference helps too.)

Now, if I were writing by hand, and not digitally? A lot of post-it notes, a journal with too many highlighters, and a corkboard with a lot of yarn. 😅

Spoilers below the cut. Pass at your own risk. Includes Reference to:

Museum Muse + Righteous Fury

Feylands

Bury the Lede

Headers in Google Docs has been (and continues to be) the easiest way for me to navigate a story.

Take Museum Muse/Righteous Fury for Example. This is in my "Working Document" where I keep important information to reference later. V1 and V2 have two different POV's in it, for example.

And this is in the working document for Righteous Fury. Chapters, then scenes, and scraps at the end.

In Feylands, in contrast:

But I have key info about all of the characters (though this has now changed and needs to be revised - oops) under their names. I have a direct line to the setting to make sure I get my information straight if I need to make a reference. (Tbh, this is a shoddy example because I need to clean it up and streamline the thoughts - but that's neither here nor there. It's a mess in my head and on paper until I write lol.)

Now, when it comes to long-term planning? Ehhhh...there's a reason I don't publish work until I'm happy with the whole story for the most part. That gives me the chance to go back, nudge details, account for something that'll pay off in spades later, make sure that my clues are set in the right place, etc.

With some stories, I'm running on vibes alone and I don't really have a plot sorted out. I spend time exploring the characters (Feylands has little blurbs for every character that I tweak as I find things out about them, for example), until a story begins to develop. Or I'll write as far as I can and then noodle on it for a while. (Sorry, Bury the Lede, I just can't figure out how to get into the next part yet.)

Usually I have the general plot (What if x happens? Shenanigans. is my go to.) figured out though. Specific details don't pay off until I'm writing and then it's a matter of rereading what I have and relying on my (sometimes questionable) memory/notes.

I told you it was convoluted, lol.

[magentagalaxies]

Kids in the Archive: Episode 1

as most of you know, recently bruce mcculloch let me help organize some kids in the hall related artifacts that had been sitting in his storage for the past 30 years. i was even able to keep a few original scripts from kith projects, including iconic sketches, unaired sketches, and an original script for "brain candy" then titled the drug.

i've decided to start a little series going through some of these scripts and sharing the biggest changes between script and screen. today's sketch we're looking at is Armada's Future from S5E21, aka the Armada finale sketch

while "armada" wasn't my favorite recurring bit on my first watch of the show, i've come to really appreciate these sketches, especially as i've become privy to the interpersonal and creative dynamics of the troupe in real life. bruce himself has said armada was often a way for them to satirize their own creative process dealing with each other's egos (and the fact that some people would never "arrive having eaten"), and while these dynamics have certainly evolved over the years, there is something almost prophetic about this final armada sketch, which i will get into more later. but for now, let's get comparing.

The Opening

For the most part, this sketch's opening is the same, though the video version's dialogue is a bit more streamlined. In this version of the sketch, prior to the angel reveal the band is playing "trampoline girl," but otherwise the beats are the same.

The Angel

As this stage direction states, Chris Robinson would be nice - and that's exactly who they got! For more information on how he found his way to playing the rock and roll angel, see bruce's youtube video above.

the angel segment is largely similar, but with a missing beat. in this version of the script, we never cut back to the band in their 60s again, and as a result never seen bruce's character's heart attack and several iconic lines are lost because of that.

The Ending

this script includes an extra ending beat where the previous events are all revealed to be a daydream of young-kevin in 1994

overall, this script has the characters much more self aware of their own faults, so it's clear why these changes were made in the final version. there's doubt in their convictions here, versus the trademark "but do we make it?" optimistic in its pure obliviousness. i prefer the ending they went with on the show. even though by all accounts armada is not going to make it, the characters' refusal to believe that is infectious. ending on the question "but do we make it?" somehow leaves you asking it as well, even with all the evidence presented.

what i love about this sketch is that all these years later, that's a question still being asked by the kids in the hall. while all 5 have gone on to have very successful and creatively fulfilling careers, there's still a sense that every new thing the troupe has done from this point forward, whether it's brain candy or death comes to town or the amazon revival, has still been a question of do we make it? while most mainstream comedy icons can coast on their star power to shield them from these creative risks, the kids in the hall embrace that idea of breaking new ground in everything they do even if it's not always successful. this question of "do we make it?" is a force of creativity, and even when the answer is clearly no, sometimes the question itself is enough to drive you forward.

[firstelevens]

👀 🤗 🧠 (the latter for sam)

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

A lot of my headcanons are hobby-adjacent, I'm realizing. My favorite one for Sam is that he's the kind of person who likes to work with his hands, and particularly enjoys tinkering with mechanical things. I know we canonically see him working on Redwing and the boat, but I firmly believe that if he was unable to channel his energy into superheroing, he'd be taking apart toasters and wall clocks trying to make them work better. I've worked it into lots of fics and I firmly stand by it!

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I'm gonna be honest, bud; it has been a rough time for WIPs around these parts and that's not likely to change, given that Ramadan is coming up and I usually don't have the energy to write then.

All I can offer you is this excerpt from a silly installment of the Formula 1 AU, which has been put on pause until my ability to write returns from the war

“There’s finally a real bed here and you have to leave for the airport at 6 AM tomorrow,” Bucky says, shucking off his t-shirt and flinging it towards a random corner of the room. “Take your pants off already, Wilson; the clock is ticking.” But Sam does not, in fact, take his pants off. He doesn’t even stand up. He stays exactly where he is, surrounded by an objectively stupid amount of throw pillows with his reading glasses perched on his nose. And then he smirks, reaches for the hoodie that Bucky abandoned a little while ago, and puts on an extra layer. Bucky blinks. Sam blinks back. The reading glasses are crooked from how quickly he pulled on the hoodie and it’s kind of adorable. “Seriously?” “Oh, was I supposed to be wooed by that?” asks Sam, straightening his glasses. “Efficiency is supposed to get me going?” “You made out with me in the backseat of the truck just for streamlining a grocery list.” “That was forever ago.” “That was last week.”

Third answer is under the cut because it got kind of long!

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

I think useful writing advice is SO dependent on what type of person/writer you are, but here's a few things that I think would be broadly applicable.

Save your scraps! An issue that I had when I first started writing and still deal with to this day is the impulse to just delete everything when a piece of writing isn't working out the way I want it to. I've learned now to just move that writing into a separate document where I keep all the fic scraps I've written that haven't really fit into a story. It's made me a better writer because now I don't spend all my time trying desperately to make a section of the story work with the rest of my idea, just so the time I spent writing it won't go to waste. I'm much more willing to cut something and if I know I won't lose it forever, and a lot of the time those extra bits of writing come in handy later on.

Trust your instincts. Write about the characters and emotions and experiences that interest you, no matter how wildly self-indulgent they are or how many other people have written the same thing. It's not magically going to mean you have no issues while writing, but it's a whole lot easier to work through a roadblock in your story when you care about what you're writing. (And the truth is that if you write about something you feel lukewarm about, all the kudos and comments in the world aren't going to make you feel less lukewarm about it. It'll always just be kind of meh, so you might as well chase the concepts you care about.)

Read widely. I was a mimic before I ever figured out what my own writer's voice sounded like, and I still shamelessly lift structures or turns of phrase from my favorite authors. I know we all go through times where it's just hard to get through books, but there's always poetry or essays or articles or even narrative podcasts if that's more your thing. Seeing other people do things with words is a really helpful way to mine information or inspiration, but it also helps you figure out what you like and don't like in writing, which makes it easier to figure out how to write things in a way that's satisfying to you.

Set aside a regular time for writing or thinking about writing. This is a skill I literally just picked up last year and it's the only reason I've managed to write the fics I did. Every chapter of the Bake Off AU was worked out during a little chunk of time that I had on Tuesdays where I would sit down at a coffee shop and outline things (by hand, because working with my computer was distracting) or make notes on dialogue/write up sections for the media interludes. Before that, my writing time used to be in bed before I went to sleep, making notes or adding a sentence to a doc on my phone. Even if it's just five minutes at a set time just once a week, if you do it enough, your brain will get into the habit of it. I still feel the itch to sit down and write on Tuesdays at 11, even when I'm in a slow period for writing. It's a nice way to remember that writer's block and packed out days don't last forever, and I'll find my way back to storytelling when my brain gets the time.

[lemonhemlock]

How would you have written the hotd story or maybe changed it?

GRRM, is that you??

I've had this ask sitting in my inbox since forever!! I'm sorry it took this long, but this question stumped me. 😅

I tried to do a little write-up re-imagining one of the more problematic scenes of the season here.

I will begin by saying that I really did enjoy this first season! Although sometimes it feels like I'm in the minority. :) But there were a lot of things that I loved, like the atmosphere, a lot of the storytelling, the humanized characterizations, the editing, the MUSIC, the costumes, it felt very, very recognisably Game-of-Thrones and such a relief to be going back to Westeros after these accursed last few years!

One of the things I really loved was how each episode gravitated around a specific event and corresponding concept & allowed the narrative to flow in relation to this one shared thread that kept the characters purposeful. Not many completely unrelated or superfluous scenes that I can recall.

I understand the need to keep to the tried-and-tested 10-episode structure, but considering all the time jumps, I would have made them longer. Streamlining is great, but even a few additional scenes would have helped a lot, I think.

The main issue I have relates to framing and audience manipulation. Let's be serious, they HAD to soften the characters up, because they have to captivate the audience moving forward. No one wants to watch a show where people are just irredeemable arseholes, as much as fans love to boast about it declaratively. Book purists are never going to be enough to sustain a big financial investment like GOT/HOTD. Casual viewers are the ones who have to keep coming back to the show, not us nerds dissecting it on tumblr, twitter & reddit.

So, in that sense, girlbossing Rhaenyra up makes complete sense. It's an easy framing that every Tom, Dick & Harry can follow along with. They did a good job with humanizing Alicent & Aemond as well. The problem is with Aegon. He is the only character in the show to have received Mushroom's worst interpretation. As Rhaenyra's direct rival, you cannot do that to him and still expect the audience to side with the greens. Even show!Daemon is sanitized from his book!self. If you're going to whitewash Rhaenyra, you have to present Aegon more indulgently as well. I'm inserting the answer I gave to a disgruntled anon a while ago. It's literally the only way you can play the "both sides have a point" angle to the audience.

I would have made Aegon the village idiot and drunkard and given him comic relief moments. I would have kept him bullying Aemond and taking him to a brothel, but I would have also shown him reaching out to his family members more as an adult. Maybe given him an OK relationship with Helaena, like they had in the books. Make him interact with his children a bit. This doesn't have to take up a lot of screen time, a few extra scenes could do the trick. Keep his characterization as incompetent and irresponsible, but refrain from making him completely reprehensible. Take away the distressing rape scene and the child-fighting rink, because that is just ridiculous when you're also giving RHAENYRA the white hart symbolism. Actually, make it even more ambiguous - Rhaenyra comes back with Ser Criston & the boar at the end of episode 3 and sees how a white hart has approached Alicent holding baby!Aegon. Who's the true heir now??

Secondly, I would have emphasized how the greens actually do have the legal high ground here and the better claim. I'm sorry, but including debates on medieval common law and inheritance rights are a must. The viewers were convinced at the end of the show that Rhaenyra should be Queen just because Viserys said so. And, I'm sorry to say, but that is just not the case. A lot of political elements from the Dance were taken straight from The Anarchy - Matilda's pregnancy, her not being in the country, her father making the lords swear an oath, him "retracting" his decision on his deathbed and naming Stephen instead. I'm begging everybody to go watch a few short primers on this succession crisis because this is just beyond. Just like Rhaenyra, Matilda is not acknowledged as a Queen of England, but as a claimant. Furthermore, Stephen was only Matilda's cousin through Henry I's sister. Aegon is Rhaenyra's brother. GRRM made her claim comically weak. The medievals are laughing at you. Please.

Thirdly, I would have highlighted how Rhaenyra's public perception actually is. I've spoken at length on this topic already, but she oscillates between appearing downright rude to unhinged (middle section of this rant here). There is no reason so many noble houses would support her. You have no way of telling that from the show, though, because there aren't any frames or lines of dialogue given to disgruntled nobles. Even young!Rhaenyra's behaviour in Storm's End as the heir to the throne is downright appalling. Therefore, I would include shots that make it apparent she is not well-regarded, despite her obliviousness.

Fourthly, I would emphasize how placing bastards in the line of succession to the Iron Throne is a crime and that crime actually has the cute name of "high treason". I feel like I've already exhausted this topic in my bastardposting tag. This is an issue of property rights, not of puritanical morals or slut-shaming.

And, lastly, I would make a point of showing dissent within the black faction as a result of the unfair treatment of House Velaryon. I would present Vaemond's murder as the extrajudicial execution it is. I would not have Baela & Rhaena so happy-go-lucky at losing their inheritance and exchanging it for status as Jace's and Luke's wives.

I tried to keep the changes as minimal as possible so as to not disrupt the flow of the show too much. I think you could have fit all of this in quite reasonably with an extra 10-20 minutes per episode. I know that what all of us really crave is full extra episodes, but I'm afraid that's not entirely possible all of the time. Show-runners do have their own constraints that we are not privy to. 🤷‍♀️

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder and Scully: Love and Touch for INTPs/ISTJs (Types Post)

In my previous posts (Mulder is an INTP, not an INFP/INFJ; and Scully is an ISTJ), I touched on the dynamic duo’s patterns of behavior. I was going to save this post for Valentine’s Day; but I decided it was better to put this article out while all this brewing information was fresh in my mind... and who doesn’t love to read a little MSR yin-yang for the fun of it? SO... here!

HOW MULDER AND SCULLY FEEL LOVED 

To keep it short: in order for a Type to feel completely loved and understood, each of their primary 8 Functions must be “targeted” with care and affection. Thankfully for Mulder and Scully, it is ridiculously easy for both to give and receive love because of the significant overlap of their needs.

How Mulder Feels Loved

An INTP’s 8 primary Functions are: Ti Hero, Ne Parent, Si Child, Fe Inferior, Te Nemesis, Ni Critic, Se Trickster, and Fi Demon. I have a previous post explaining how they operate (see link at the top), so I won’t retread old ground, focusing instead on how to tune in and turn up his love signals. 

If these needs aren’t met, Mulder will give up on life and become addicted to anything that will distract him from it (whether it be seclusion or pornography or video games); because, for his brain, hedonism is a straight path to easy dopamine hits.

Ti Hero-- INTPs NEED to feel accepted, validated, valued. Always ask them what they think but always challenge it. Ti Hero has a tendency to dismiss any input that is opposite to what they believe is the truth; input must be shoved down their throat, and not just any input: mountains of facts, data, and tons of research to back up your claims and opinions. They love learning alternate data points, but their trust must be won in order for them to accept those data as facts. They value highly anyone who does this for them.  

Ne Parent-- Train an INTP to be more desirable. They hinder themselves by neglecting their (“horrific”) fashion sense and untrained social skills. It’s best if someone streamlines a system for each area of their life (fashion, the do’s and don’ts of auditing meetings, what to leave out of reports, etc.) so that they’re shaken out of their lazy patterns of “I don’t care” behavior. More importantly: BE DIRECT when you communicate, or they won’t change. They either don’t see the issue as a big deal (“why you tell me-- I thought it was fine”) or don’t even notice the issue at all.

Si Child-- Do NOT enable their comfort zone. FORCE variety upon them.  INTPs have a vice of laziness, happily looping in their stagnant but comfortable routines until they die, never growing nor changing. It quickly becomes the #1 threat to a healthy relationship; and it’s the responsibility of those they date to shepherd them out of their houses (or basements on a Saturday) and into the real world because of this blind spot.

Fe Inferior-- As loving and giving and rug-matting as they are, INTPs operate on covert contracts. They expect to gain as much as they give without actually saying that. Because of this, healthy boundaries must be set around expectations, or this problem will be enabled and dragged on until the relationship dies (“Never Again”, “Fight the Future”, “All Things”, etc.) Fortunately, this is easily fixed: INTPs crave acceptance; and will change their behavior on a dime if it hurts or harms another person.

Te Nemesis-- INTPs become the unacknowledged bedrock that others build their lives on top of-- much to others’ shock. And in return, they want only one thing: to peer review your mind. They constantly fear others are ingesting and feeding them wrong information, which leads to a stubborn insistence that every claim must be backed up and proven to them to be true-- not just because it has the right label attached to it. If anyone refuses to answer their questions or dodges those conversations, INTPs become distrustful, breeding disloyalty and vengeance by pulling out the foundation right from under that other person’s feet. Be well-researched and prepared for the mental challenge of battling every position you hold and those you want to change. (Luckily for Mulder, Scully is not only up to the challenge but thrives on it.)

Ni Critic-- If you want to offer multiple, indirect options to change an INTP’s behavior, don’t. Because #1. they can’t and won’t be motivated; and #2. because too many alternatives overwhelm and demotivate them further.  Instead, just TELL THEM clearly and directly what the problem is, what you want, and how they can fix it (ex. Mulder responding to Scully’s direct line-in-the-sand in One Son vs. her indirect plea in Never Again.) 

Se Trickster-- This is the function to train so that Ne Parent can be desired. INTPs spend so much time in their heads that they are unaware how they come across to people-- terrible fashion, odd quirks, etc.-- and need help with their outward perception and appearance. Their Fe Inferior fear of not being wanted lends them a leg-up here, because they integrate any “good first impression” advice as quickly as possible. (Amazingly, Mulder has Scully, the ISTJ Master-of-First-Impressions, on his side; and mostly lets her manage the locals and lead the team meetings.) By failing to help them with their Trickster, one sabotages an INTP’s core needs and desires and quickly dissolves any relationship.

Fi Demon-- Do not ask INTPs about their priorities. They will spend their whole lives trying to figure those out, mixing what’s expected of them in with what they’re single-mindedly trying to achieve while trying to navigate life’s winding and changing paths. And because they hardly interact with people outside their (not-so-metaphorical) basements, they have no grasp on anyone’s priorities (this is also why they need to be dragged out of their comfort zones.) Instead, share YOUR values; and INTPs will quickly wind their values around your fixed ones. 

How Scully Feels Loved 

An ISTJ’s 8 primary Functions are: Si Hero, Te Parent, Fi Child, Ne Inferior, Se Nemesis, Ti Critic, Fe Trickster, Ni Demon. Again, there’s a previous post link (at the top) while this is simply a list to be able to directly tune into each of her Function’s love signals. 

If these needs aren’t met, Scully will become bitter and leave permanently, letting whoever she was helping self-destruct on their own wrong path; and never, ever return.  

Si Hero-- ISTJs feel loved if their needs are considered and met. They feel unimportant when others are inconsistently considerate, proving to them that those loved ones don’t value them and their efforts. This hurt turns to bitterness, which turns to cut loyalty and severed ties. Scully appreciates anyone who takes note of and celebrates her traditions and her special occasions.  

Te Parent-- Effort MATTERS, because being special is what an ISTJ craves. They show their deep love by responsibly caring for others every day; and they don’t need much in return. Simply having someone think about them (and their likes and dislikes and struggles and victories) is enough to make ISTJs feel content. They must NEVER be forgotten (or made to feel that way.)

Fi Child-- ISTJs LOVE to feel special or privileged, as if they’re an elite specimen different from everyone else. And they have a point: they flawlessly step over their Fe Trickster’s awkwardness and unawareness of social norms to transform into beautiful swans with nary a hair out of place. And they like to feel that the time they’ve put into themselves (and others) is recognized and worth their investment. 

Ne Inferior-- ISTJs have expectations they’re afraid to share; and feel loved when others ask them consistently about their cares, fears and struggles. Help them open up and expose their gooey centers so those expectations can be met with love. 

Se Nemesis-- ISTJs want to rely on others just as much as others rely on them. People can demonstrate this by developing their own sense of responsibility as proof that an ISTJ’s lessons have paid off. This, in turn, proves to Scully that she has been listened to. 

Ti Critic-- This function worries that others are stupid. To prove an ISTJ wrong, back up all assertions with provable facts and research; this relaxes them and helps them to count that person as a reliable, quality source (very similar to Mulder’s Ti Hero: he needs a mountain of evidence to prove the person he’s listening to, whereas she needs a mountain of credentials and proof before she gives anyone’s claims a smidge of credibility.) 

Fe Trickster-- ISTJs are COMPLETELY unaware of social conventions; but are aware that they’ve somehow messed up (the flip coin of Mulder, who is aware of social conventions but unaware he’s messed up.) Nothing is worse for them than embarrassment; and if you save them from social faux pas and allow them to save face, they become die-hard loyal. By helping to train their nuance detectors, it teaches ISTJs how to practically apply their knowledge of social situations “in real life”, allowing them to blossom to even greater heights. 

Ni Demon-- ISTJs are afraid of risks and MUST take them WITH someone. If they’re perceived as “boring”, it’s not their fault: no one has taken the time to leap into the frightening void with them. Just because they have assumed the world’s responsibilities on their Atlas-shoulders does not mean they don’t have fears and weaknesses they need help with, too. They will hate you if you make them do it alone. 

TOUCH AND WHAT IT MEANS TO BOTH 

Touch, according to Jungian analytical psychology, is experienced through the Sensing Functions: Sensing Introverted (Si) and Sensing Extroverted (Se.)  

(Note: I will be writing about Sensing Introverted, or Si, Functions only in this post, because both Mulder and Scully use Si predominantly, being Si/Ne Axis Types-- see below.)  

An important aspect of physical touch specific to Sensing Introverted Types is the ability to ward off bitterness. Because Si functions as long-term memory-- used to uphold tradition and cultural community values-- they retain an extensive memory of all the hurts and wrongs committed against them and others, leading them all too easily to anger. Touch from another person translates tangibly mutual affection-- I need you, you are wanted-- to remind Si users they are not alone, and that good people value them. 

Si is always linked to a two-sided Axis with Extroverted Intuition, or Ne. Intuition broadly deals with wants (Ni “I am aware of what I want” and Ne “I am aware of what others want”); and Ne users struggle with the desire to have others want them. 

What’s the difference between these two approaches if they are inextricably linked? For Types who use Si primarily over Ne (Scully’s ISTJ), Si uses physical touch to translate unspoken love into tangible confirmation to Ne, helping it feel wanted and desired. For Types that use Ne primarily over Si (Mulder’s INTP), Ne helps assess the character and hidden goals of others around them to surround Si with quality, trustworthy, and comforting people so that it can relax and then connect with the secondary desire of being wanted. 

Because Ne is more focused on the psychological and intuitive processes of the Si-Ne dynamic, we’re going to set it aside for a bit to focus solely on Si’s physical touch and its translation of “want” and “need” for both Mulder and Scully. 

Scully and Touch

Si Hero - ISTJ

ISTJs crave touch. As long as they are comfortable with a person, Si Hero can’t get enough of it. To them, touch melts their Ne Inferior’s anxiety (which is convinced the world is on the brink of collapse), replacing their fears with hope and zest for life. ISTJs also love new experiences; but are usually hampered from trying them by their Se Nemesis (which fears faulty first impressions.) This can easily be sidestepped; and in doing so, one can imprint good first-time experiences into the rolodex of an ISTJ’s lifelong memory, creating ones they want to re-experience again and again with that person in the future. 

ISTJs want to be desired because it makes them feel prioritized. On the one hand, they feel heard and “seen”; on the other hand, they’re a bit of a snob, believing they deserve to be lauded for the polished efforts they’ve made (ex. Scully’s reception of Sheriff Hartwell’s compliments.) They love to be asked how they feel about something; and prefer interaction without judgment (which will make them shut down in record speed.) But most importantly: that the commitment and investment (time or effort) that ISTJs put into themselves and others will be appreciated. 

This is also the crux of the Scully Paradox: why she did and didn’t almost leave Mulder’s side during his obsessive questing years. When she was fulfilling her Si/Te Starbuck nature and feeling that Mulder valued what she brought to the table, she stayed happily. But whenever Mulder began to let their relationship stagnate and never progress, her Ne Inferior anxiety kicked in-- feeling they weren’t even trapped in a circle so much as “an endless line”, that they’d never escape the X-Files and that it would forever take precedence over her normal life (even shouting about it affecting her and her baby’s life in Essence.) I go more in-depth in my post on her Type (linked at the top); but suffice to say, Scully is sometimes her best advocate and worst enemy. 

Because Mulder’s Type relies on being told directly that there is a problem he needs to fix, while Scully’s is wired to silently wait for their relationship (and her) to be set above his work, the two of them drifted along in their car for YEARS in an unchanging status quo, leading Scully to question her life’s choices (Never Again, All Things) and her faith in her partner (Oubliette, Paper Hearts, The Pine Bluff Variants.) Meanwhile, MULDER DIDN’T HAVE A CLUE and thought they were doing just fine (a mutually close relationship, extra affection shared during and after her cancer, his “This is a life” in Dreamland, etc., etc., etc.)  

Mulder and Touch

Si Child - INTP

An INTP’s Si Child sees touch as a bonding experience AFTER trust and desirability is established. It, like ISTJ’s Si Hero, never grows tired of a variety of experiences; and because they have Se Trickster, INTPs are even less discriminatory when it comes to new experiences than ISTJs. Once their pessimistic Ne Parent’s suspicions have been soothed by built-up trust, they proudly exemplify the motto “I’ll do anything once.” In an interesting twist, Si Child is also gifted at culinary skills; but only if their homes are an escape from the chaos of the world around them (and if they haven’t fallen into the lazy routine of takeout or microwaveable meals.) 

Although Si Child is very often disrespected-- particularly male INTPs, who are seen as too weak, too trusting, and too easily exploitable-- without merit, there are moments where it behaves wrongly. INTPs operate on “covert contracts”: they scratched your back, so you should scratch theirs. This cannot be enabled: because this Type is one of the laziest, it easily creates destructively comfortable bad habits. An unspoken contract drawn up in good faith one day might become a swift demand the next (ex. Mulder expecting liberties from Skinner he can’t always provide, expecting Scully to do what he needs done in Never Again despite her crisis, etc.) Thankfully, INTPs are easily course-corrected through the validation of others, which they crave. 

Because Fe Inferior clouds an INTP’s ability to truly believe or internalize any praise given, Mulder heavily relies on his loved ones’ validation to combat his constant struggle with self-worth. And while these words are crucial to fueling his crusade, Mulder needs his Si Child to be caressed and reassured lovingly by the very few people who’ve earned and retained his stingy trust.

Bringing It All Together

INTPs (Mulder) and ISTJs (Scully) share the Si/Ne Axis, using physical touch as a soothing and bonding experience. They also usually respond to the same things: make them feel desired by taking heed to their comfort; and once they’re relaxed, playfully lead up to more romantic gestures (or, if platonic, meaningful ones.) 

They respond to this same process in different steps: INTPs must feel desired before their guard can be relaxed with comfort: touch their arm, invite them out to things, and directly COMMUNICATE your interest. If they see you bringing them food without having established your intent, they get highly suspicious (ex. Phoebe’s initial attempts in Fire vs. when she clued in and slowed down her tactics.) ISTJs need to be relaxed before they can feel desired: adjust the room temperature, bring them food, touch them nicely and comfortingly. When they see their needs being considered, ISTJs realize they’re being desired (ex. Eddie van Blundht’s slow, seductive leadup-- a lazy couch chat in front of the fire, reminiscing about her past and her wants.) 

Mulder and Scully’s effortlessly affectionate bond is rooted in Scully’s comfort first (when she leaped at him for a hug in the Pilot), Mulder’s trust second (when he related his personal memories and feelings of his sister’s abduction), and their mutual comfort third. Despite their differing approaches to life, both intuited this aspect of their relationship, gravitating towards each other wordlessly the rest of their partnership. 

Thanks for reading~ 

Enjoy!

Disclaimers: This is a self-assessed analysis. This information is not based on the abominable MBTI system (which has been butchered from its original Jungian typology since ~WWII); instead, it’s a combination between the works of Jung’s type psychology, Dr. Linda Berens’ Communication styles, Dr. Dario Nardi’s EEG brain scan compiled research, and others’ data and practices as compiled and simplified by CSJoseph. This system is based only on the Nature side of Nature/Nurture; and each “type” is not a “box” to fit everyone into– simply a tool to help understand the basics of the human mind that science has only begun to fathom in its limited scope.

[heymacy]

As this fandom’s resident astrology babe would you say that Gallavich match-up based on their signs?

anon, i need you to know that i am coming out of my moving hiatus to answer this question because it scratches a very specific itch in my brain and i adore you for asking it. also, "resident astrology babe" has me melting into the floor. i know i haven’t talked astrology in a hot minute but it's an HONOR to relay messages from the stars to y'all. an honor ✨

i'm going to try and keep this as simple and straightforward as possible (narrator: she's a liar) because i take astrology very seriously (haters be gone, you're not welcome here) and know Too Much so i'm gonna streamline my answer into the most cohesive possible form.

first of all, we are very very lucky to have canon birth dates and locations for both ian and mickey. i have their charts in my little app on my phone, though since we don't have their exact birth times, we don't know their rising signs or house placements, only their planetary ones. so for these purposes i will only be using their sun & moon signs for compatibility. read more under the cut!

the short answer is this: yes, i think they are deeply compatible on multiple astrological levels. and here's why:

ian gallagher. taurus sun, aquarius moon (me 🤝🏻 ian 🤝🏻 being aqua moons). mickey milkovich. leo sun, virgo moon (that fire + earth combo is chef's motherfucking kiss).

at first glance, a down-to-earth, reliable taurus like ian doesn't seem like a solid match for a vivacious, bold leo like mickey (also anyone that says mickey isn't a leo can catch these hands). however, fire/earth combos are highly, highly underrated pairings. there is a balance there, with sensible taurus grounding dramatic leo whilst the confident leo helps to bring stubborn taurus out of their shell. ian is the very definition of a taurus: hard-headed, loyal, and deeply, deeply caring. mickey is the very definition of a leo: ambitious, generous, and warm-hearted. since they both encompass these signs so fully, it makes sense that their differences would cause both strife and balance, much like their relationship in the show. is it perfect? absolutely not. but do they as individuals, just by existing and being themselves, bring out the best in each other? help each other grow? absolutely. it's also important to note that taurus, ruled by Venus, and leo, ruled by the Sun, both love indulgence, comfort, and the finer things in life. they haven't been afforded that in their youth but as they age, striving for a nice life with nice things will be a common goal that will keep them moving in the same direction. they want to be proud of what they have and what they've built, and we saw that in s10 & 11 VERY explicitly, which as an astrology hoe made me very happy.

moon signs are representative of your deepest emotions, the parts of yourself you keep locked away and out of the light. they also influence how you react to emotional situations, or what your behavior might look like in times of stress. ian's aquarius moon and mickey's virgo moon are, once again, a pairing that doesn't make much sense when you look at it passively. but when you get right down to it, there's that same balance, that same common ground. aquarius moons (ian) are socially minded, progressive, charming, and often have difficulty expressing their emotions, both in general and in relationships. virgo moons (mickey) are emotionally reserved, influential, and love to be of service to others. they also often keep a very stuff upper lip when it comes to emotions. stone faced on the outside, crying on the inside. both these men struggle to express their emotions, this much we know. so to know that their moon signs, the signs that govern emotion, are aligned with that truth is extremely satisfying to me as a student of astrology. as they begin to open up, both aquarius and virgo will begin to realize that they both have a common emotional goal in mind: stability and service. we see this prominently in the last few seasons which again, tickles me. they're both a bit emotionally, uh, fussy, for lack of a better term, but at the end of the day they just get each other. they understand. one of my best friends in the world is an earth moon and while we process our emotions very differently, we GET each other. and it makes for a very strong, stable relationship.

so long story short: yes, i feel they are incredibly compatible on multiple levels. it's important not to put too much stock in the whole "i'm a _____ therefore i am only compatible with _____" concept because it doesn't have a very strong foundation in actual astrology. maybe it makes sense in a fun way in sun sign astrology, which is to say magazine horoscopes and meme accounts, but we study whole chart astrology in this house, and honestly? any two signs combined will have their benefit and drawbacks. but with these two boys, their compatibility is off the charts. personality-wise, sexually, emotionally, and astrologically. nobody is doing it like them!! nobody!!

[rawliverandcigarettes]

For the fanfic director's commentary, I'd love to hear your thought process behind Anetha—especially (if you're willing to share) hints about her side of the story post–Chapter 8 of Halfway Home. If that's too spoilery or involved, more general rambles about Chapter 8 would be cool as well!

Hey thank you so very much for the ask!! I'm super sorry about the time it took me to get to it!!

Actually, I kind of wanted to have Chapter 17 out so I could dive deeper into her psychology without revealing anything about her attitude towards The Event and without spoiling anyone. But now it’s done, it’s here, it’s messy: I think we have enough pieces to start unraveling what’s going on in her brain.

That being said, spoilers for Halfway Home below for those who may dabble --and beyond the plot spoilers: I think that if you want to keep your opinion on Anetha neutral, or decide for yourself first by reading the whole thing and then potentially coming back, it might be a wise thing to do so because we're truly vivisecting my girl in the reply.

(edit post me writing the answer to the ask: WOW I rambled like CRAZY, so also beware that I do ramble like crazy oops)

So Anetha… Honestly kind of appeared in the story as I was drafting it?

The very very first draft that I ever did, that was actually in French (!), initially only explored Rhanda and Shandri (and Rhanda and Nagatha used to be the same person too), and Anetha was added compulsively because I felt like there was a giant room for conflict begging for someone to take up that space and act a little cooler and more rebellious than the rest of the cast, and that Shlee needed that sort of energy in his life (though the stakes were much lower at the time –or rather, they were as bad, but I had yet to understand just *how bad*). I think that, partially because she erupted into the story rather than being carefully placed there, she was the first character to click for me and the rare beta-readers at the time. Her motivations and psychology didn’t really change since 2017, I merely streamlined them over the course of the drafts –the scenes with Anetha in the spotlight may hold the prize for highest percentage of scenes that barely changed since draft 1 actually!

In the first draft, the breaking point between Shlee and Anetha used to happen in much more defused way. The moment when they were separated was extremely different: chapter 8 used to have a much more traditional Mass Effect flair and involved an attack by batarian slavers, fucking Jondum Bau was there (fun fact: Accano used to be Jondum Bau for a very long time –Accano is actually the conglomerate of two different turian characters that were both scrapped, Jondum Bau and Mordin Solus that were all squished into the blackpink icon that we know and love the slightly unnerving STG agent with a Mission TM), and Shlee was forcefully separated from Anetha during the attack.

Then, it was while Shlee tried to contact her from Omega that the first seeds of doubt about her intentions were planted, especially since the story used to have one of Anetha’s exes showing up and trashtalking the hell out of what she was like as a girlfriend, forcing Shlee to see his sister from an outside perspective for the first time (I still kept her setup in Chapter 3 because I think it still reveals some of these dysfunctions and they're interesting as a pattern). Then, there was the “hey” scene, that cemented the fact that Shlee kind of hated her guts now.

Beyond the fact that I made strides to make the story punchier and more compact by dropping a lot of storylines, and this could be condensed significantly while making my point clearer (deepening not widening etc), I decided that dropping the attack for something that was much more… mundane, in a way, helped to reveal an uglier interior facet of Anetha’s brain –though one that I, sadly, believe to be much more relatable than it may seem at first glance.

(I mean, traveling semi-illegally via a spaceship that side-hustles by smuggling batarian refugees from point A to point B and then being caught by border control is not exactly a regular or normal occurrence, but it could have just been a weird anecdotal bleep on their journey if Shlee didn’t brutally discover that he has much more in common with these batarians than his sister through his absence of administrative existence and being, therefore, inherently illegal).

.

So I’m going to be relatively vague with the details since Anetha will be dissected further both in The Empire of Preys (though not a lot since she was younger and kind of existing in the background) and Override (where she will be a PoV character yaaay I’m excited for thaat), but to keep it simple: Anetha’s circumstances were already messy as hell before Shlee even showed up.

This is all hinted at in Chapter 8, but I do get into deeper details here, so… vague spoilers? I don’t think they are, but I do expose the events from her perspective, which I didn’t really do before so beware!

The relationship of her birth mother Priin and Rhanda was very complicated (and not even because of Rhanda!! wow), forcing Anetha to build up huge emotional walls to protect herself from her mother’s wild strides in the mental health department since she was a child, culminating in the moment where she had to take care of a SA emergency all by herself –leading to Rhanda taking the ONE (1) good responsible decision of her life and breaking up with Priin, which unfortunately led her to become unstable and distant and then pushed her to the breaking point when Priin ended up taking her own life years later, even though they had not spoken in years.

So Anetha was holed up to her aunt (not yet a bajillionaire at the time) and her weird human boyfriend while the only parent she had left went to fuck off somewhere to avoid exploding in front of her daughter and making the damage even worse. Anetha hated that move, feeling abandoned and burdensome and reacting by becoming as spiteful as she could towards her Dad, especially when said Dad returned with a small child and another failed relationship, a child she also dumped on her lap to go work on Illium soon after (this moment is much more complicated than this, Anetha understood what she wanted to understand, but TEoP is a lot about that exact moment so I'll keep it vague for now).

And then, just a few years later…… Rhanda returns, pale as a ghost, wrecked with something she will not speak about, only for Anetha to discover that her Dad has a literal stolen child stored in the trunk of their car, then transfered to the bedroom of the apartment they all share.

.

Anetha’s aloofness is a survival strategy. It is basically all she has to defend herself from the people in her life, who should know better yet do not, consuming themselves in extreme behaviors at the slightest opportunity (Priin being Priin, Rhanda being Rhanda, even Nagatha deciding to Uno Reverse the free marketplace and becoming a kingpin for the Great Kapital qualifies I think –I could talk for hours about the two T'selvi sisters and how they mirror each other but that’s what TEoP is for so I will calm down and focus on the ask sorryyy). There’s a reason why Edwood, of all people, is probably the best influence in her life (shoutout to Edwood for being the only normal, not-unhinged person in this entire clusterfuck) and why she took after him so much.

I think what’s complicated with her, is that while she’s developing this whole rebellious, no-strings-attached, too-cool-for-you persona to master her emotions and avoid hurt at all cost (especially anything tied to abandonment and grief), she’s also constantly put in situations that demand her to be responsible: beyond her upbringing, she was effectively the adult in both Shandri and Shlee’s life for a good chunk of it, as Rhanda was unable to provide the basic necessities of safety and care more often than not. Not to mention: she knows full well her family is doing serious criminal things that nobody bothers explaining to her, and she must shoulder the burden of being put in constant danger for reasons she can’t begin to fathom. Every time she tries to grasp some normalcy in her life, the people who are meant to protect her put everything in disarray, and then demand her to be mature and practical and unflinching as if that’s, like, a reasonable thing to ask of a teenager forced to brace through the notion that everyone she loves is being tracked down by government officials. Even something as simple as her last name, she’s asked to abandon.

So THEN comes Shlee, and this makes everything so much more complicated for her.

Shlee is the literal representation of everything going wrong in her life: a growing organism forcefully brought in from outside; alien, diseased, destroying every safety net she may have built for herself, soaking up Rhanda’s attention as well as being the direct reason her Dad became the most deranged version of herself to date, something that may drop dead if not cared for correctly, and worst of all –something that demands that she acts as an example for his own growth, forcing her into a caretaker role whether she wants to or not through imprinting.

And he will die in like 30-40 years, which, fucking great, that's like in five years for her, and so the last thing she wants to deal with emotionally on top of everything else. So this is why she refuses to engage with him for such a long time: it’s too messed up on too many levels, and she wants to preserve herself from the general madness (understandable honestly).

During the first brush with Accano, Anetha basically has the exact same thought process that would come back to haunt her in that fateful chapter 8: Accano represents the authority of the state. The STG agent may be a maniac that will destroy her and everybody else, or he may be normalcy and order offering her a way out a situation that is getting more and more out of control. Maybe Rhanda did kidnap a salarian child in a crazed frenzy, and the best course of action would be to reunite him with his people.

And what a relief that would be.

So of course, that doesn’t happen and then Shlee starts becoming an actual person in her eyes, one she has to spend time with and care for; in so many words, a new constant in her life. There’s the component of being won over in spite of herself as he becomes sharper, wittier and a partner in their survival and co-raising of Shandri, aaaand of course there’s the other component of Shlee being her only concrete way to get back to Rhanda in any significant way.

She does want to help Shlee become his own person, like Edwood helped her once; her behavior is not manipulative on purpose, but her subconscious also sees this opportunity to take back control over the narrative by overpowering Rhanda’s influence over Shlee’s life and becoming his new reference point, his new everything, in no small part for the spiteful pleasure of ripping the last shreds of stability her Dad still has after being forced to survive her whims for so long. She really wants to sweep Shlee away and save him from Rhanda, preserve him from the unbearable fate of rotting by her side, but Anetha also wants to know that for once in her life, she won’t be the one to mend the pieces of what once was.

.

So OKAY now we’re here (sorry this has basically turned into a short story length-wise, I think this is a result of concentrated blorbo frustration of not being able to talk about them with that level of details accumulating over 7 years; expect the same kind of outbursts once I am allowed to talk about Nagatha, or Jurlan, or even Rhanda in greater details 😭).

Chapter 8. The Citadel Border Control has her brother pinned down as everything he technically is: someone that will inherently destroy her life through the simple fact that he exists. At this point, Anetha’s brain is overridden with the refusal to be shoved back into Rhanda’s crimes kicking and screaming. She’s livid. She feels trapped and overwhelmed, and she’s been training her emotions to initiate shut down upon meeting a critical point of fear, powerlessness and general absence of safety. Empathy is the first thing to go when it comes to protecting herself. Maybe, if Shlee didn’t take the snap decision of running away, she might have calmed down and figured things out with him in a detention cell somewhere, but both of them are basically as emotionally triggered as it gets, and so Anetha shuts down while Shlee panics and makes a drastic decision to not trust her and save himself.

And Anetha does not take kindly to being abandoned and left to puddle in Shlee and Rhanda’s mess Yet Again.

There’s other reasons why she doesn’t reply to his texts to begin with –having to deal with Citadel Border Patrol to begin with, and then more that will be explored in Override. But in essence, once she’s let out, Anetha is pretty much… free. Free to figure herself out without the pressure of her insane family getting in the way (oh no does that sound like someone else we know having a similar character arc somewhere else surely not, a foil in my fanfiction it's more likely than you think etc).

Of course, there’s that pesky guilt and her complete refusal to handle grief in any way, and that feeling does linger, and so her willingness to handle the situation upfront is very much hindered by this (beyond the practical reasons why she might not be able to help). The whole “hey”/”hey” fiasco really does nothing for either for them (I think it was the best she could do and the most she was willing to leave herself open, and Shlee shutting that down meant every single one of her walls was back up and reinforced). The passive-aggressive nature of their conversations through bank expenses made mostly off her own paycheck is also a very bad way to communicate, and most of what Anetha sees for a year are receipts for ridiculously expensive cocktails and cheap bomb shots from Afterlife. Doesn’t really help our frog’s case as far as she’s concerned (even though she does realize it’s probably a bad sign and probably her fault that a shy nerd like him would be taking that hard of a plunge towards alcoholism, regardless of the reasons why –but she’s also pretty much there herself sooo not the best at recognizing the pattern).

Also she’s having mercenary times and they are Bad Times. Doesn’t help with the whole numbness/detachment problem either.

Speaking of Eclipse: the whole mercenary thing comes from that urge of trying to reconcile her desire to be independent and freed of responsibilities with that yearning for safety in a world where she’s always yeeted out of what is normal and safe without her consent anyway, starting with the fact that she’s pureblood and inherently looked as wrong –and just the general romanticizing of herself as a stone-cold badass as a way to one-up Rhanda on her own field, aaaand maybe a little bit a way to feel closer to her/make her react, because to be frank a lot of Anetha’s bullshit is about wanting Rhanda to react to said bullshit and act like a responsible parent, and be there, and not abandon her/de-prioritize her constantly, and be a source of stability rather than an endless distress generator.

(the seed being planted by the mercenaries hired by Nagatha at one of the most stressful points of her life is actually a rather late addition, but I think it works!)

But yeah, Anetha has SO MANY similarities with Rhanda it’s both hilarious and pretty tragic, but I’m really discovering how badly that's the case while working on The Empire of Preys, and… yeah. Generational Trauma. It’s a thing.

To conclude my ridiculously long answer to your ask: I’m sorry I spewed an entire essay about Anetha’s brain, but also I’m so happy you gave me an opportunity to pry her open for everybody to see the gunk there. Honestly a good half of the joy of getting other eyes than mine on Halfway Home is to watch them grapple with their emotions towards Anetha, as she can make herself so easy to love, and then immediately sooo hard to love. But I do love her (but I’m biased since I love literally every character except maybe… like one and a half? fuck içalec all my homies hate içalec), and so I’m really happy you were kind enough to encourage me to deepdive into her edgy brain!!!

[whatsthekink]

WE'RE STILL ALIVE!

Hey folks, Steve and Vex here

We just wanted to let you all know that we're actually still around!

We know it's been quite a while and we're sorry for kind of vanishing. We had a bunch of stuff going on in our lives and as most of you know, life ain't always all that streamlined and this little blog got a little lost along the way.

BUT, we're gonna try and get back to posting and answering your questions!

And we're not coming with empty hands, we got some new ideas for our blog. We are determined to give this space a little rework to provide you with the best quality education we can provide.

Let's not drag this out any more than needed, here's the spice for you guys:

1. Unfortunately, Vex's original account got sacked (which didn't help with getting things rolling but it is what it is) but now they are back as @angrytree !

2. For the sake of accessibility, visibility, consistency and navigation we have developed a few concepts for both your asks and our bigger posts. We'll be reworking the tags so you can find and filter stuff more easily, and our posts will be updated. For this reason we will be taking down our old posts, so you might see some things we've had covered again. (We will also be making a new pinned post so be on the lookout for that since it's gonna include some new stuff that may be important). Don't worry though, all of your asks will stay right where they are, as well as the stuff we reblogged.

3. We are promising a safe space for people in or around the kink/fetish community and considering the intimate nature of the things we address we felt it was necessary to protect people's privacy more than we used to, so we decided to use a new service for submitting post suggestions and asks that is completely anonymous and encrypted.

4. This one is not set in stone but we are toying with the idea of creating new graphics for this blog. We're not sure yet if that means completely changing the style of this place or just a few adjustments but keep an eye out, you may find some new visual touches here and there!

5. We quickly want to thank all of you who stuck around, read our posts, reblogged our stuff or sent us their kinky questions. This blog isn't just made for you but also with you. We hope you keep asking questions and we hope we can keep working on this blog for us all to enjoy.

I think that's all so far. We're pretty excited to start rolling out our new plans and hopefully you are too.

See you around!

[gotatext]

JUDE & JENNY (& ANGEL) — DAY FORTY.

location :  boat party, pool and then top deck.

description :   jude asks jenny to be gf bf with him

featuring :  jenny / @blondcs  &  angel  / @dobits

angel reid

“nuh uh,” he preemptively disregards jenny’s desire for another shot, instead hooking her elbow and dragging her to walk along the pool. “maybe we shouldn’t play who can blackout first tonight.” didn’t work out so well for them on movie night (at least not at first). he’d also like to keep her clear from the dance floor for the time being, though he veils that concern behind his usual puppy dog smile. “tell me about you. what’s the word, baby bird?”

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

“nooo…” she whines, a half-assed attempt at reaching back just as she’s toted out of reach of a lemon drop. “that’s not even a real shot.” more sugar than alcohol, so actually angel might be doing future jenny a massive favor there. still, she has nothing but a glass of ice with the tiniest bit of water in her hands and he’s dragging her away from the bar? this is starting to feel like a ploy. “what, am i being messy? i was just trying to give him space so i wasn’t latched onto him all night, but the energy below deck was not it. hey—what are you drinking?”

angel reid

“yeah, i noticed all the space,” angel chuckles dryly. “i’m, like, what the hell. i dunno what you guys are doing.” trying too hard to be whatever they think they’re supposed to be, presumably. both of them chronic over thinkers. “i mean, have you guys been good after… y’know… the thing,” he clears his throat, unsure if she knows that he knows about the fingering exclusivity convo. he smacks his lips, shows his half full beer bottle to her. “corona — you wouldn’t like it.” then, worried she might deign herself out of spite, holds the beer up and away from her. “you really wouldn’t like it. i backwash.”

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

“what do you mean?” she stops short so the arm looped through hers wrenches back, then chuckles as she resumes their stroll. “it’s not like i can spend every waking minute with him.” can she? “like, you’re not with callie right now. he needs time with the boys and stuff, right?” duh. where is he now though, if not with angel or josh and miles? “the thing? like, our talk about apparently not being exclusive?” because that’s the alternative. if he doesn’t want to be exclusive, it means he’s just fine if she gets to know santiago and gives him the freedom to revisit things with adela. that’s the last thing she wants to think about. “yeah, we’re good. we’re fine... i dunno, it’s—“ her head tilts side to side trying to streamline her ocean of thoughts into a single coherent sentence. “when i’m with him everything is literally perfect and then it’s like the minute we’re apart i, like…” in the absence of words she just shrugs. “it’s fine.” but now that she’s let a little bit out she can’t quite stop the torrent. “i don’t blame him at all for not wanting to like, completely settle down and close himself off. like, ‘cause who knows who else is gonna come in, you know? or maybe there’s people here he wants to get to know better. i just have to kind of like, change my expectations a little, which, again—totally fine.” she pauses, huffing out a breath like that’s gonna be the end of it but swiftly launches back in.

“he’s just so intense that like, it’s easy to let myself get carried away sometimes, and he feeds into it too like, he was all teasing the other day saying that i love him and all this stuff,” and maybe she does just a little bit. “so it’s just like, a little hard to figure out what’s real and like, what he actually wants. but i’m kind of like, almost proud of myself for asking? about the exclusivity thing. because i got some clarity from it, i guess? but also like, it’s not the answer i was expecting at all and i will literally never be doing anything like that ever again, so… sorry, what was the question?” she reaches for the beer anyway, elbows in full gear to wrangle it away. “c’mon, i love backwash, backwash is my favorite. gimme.”

angel reid

“that’s different.” it seems unnecessary to quantify all the ways in which him and callie are different from jude and jenny, so he’ll just let that sleeping dog lie. he’ll also let her qualification breeze on by ‘cause he’s not sure what boys jude could be spending time with right now if not him. it seems more fruitful to let jenny spiel, only interjecting after her third repeated assurance, “— it sounds fine.” deadpanned, smiling. it really is fine, he wishes she wouldn’t slide that word on like a mask. “for what it’s worth, i really don’t think him not wanting to be exclusive has anything to do with what he wants. like, he’s not trying to get to know anybody else.” as far as angel can tell, jude just wants to make sure jenny’s scratched all of her own itches before she settles down. “no, it’s, like… extremely fucking cool that you told him what you wanted. that takes balls, for real and — he fucked that up, like even i’ll say it. i wish you guys could learn to really trust each other, man. anybody could see you both want it bad.” it’s a hard thing to do though, he’ll admit. ragged groan deflates him. “you sick fuck,” angel complains, holding her back at arms length while he takes a parting sip before handing it off to her. “…you know, you can’t ask him to stop being friends with adela though. like, i know that sucks, but, like, pick your battles, y’know?”

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

her head bobs, nodding her acknowledgment and trying to let the words drill their way home while her brain is soft and mushy from the liquor. angel has no reason to lie on jude’s behalf, but there’s still a bit of healthy skepticism that keeps her from abandoning her reservations entirely—she knows firsthand the way boys protect each other. still, she likes to think angel somehow dodged that affliction. “why would i bring up being exclusive if i didn’t want it?” is that what he’s suggesting? her brows knit together, head shaking away the overwhelm of yet another branch of questions springing from what angel probably assumed would be a nice, soothing answer. not quite. “it’s not that i don’t trust him specifically. i just don’t think i trust like, anyone?” ‘even you cheated,’ she wants to say, but thankfully the tequila hasn’t loosened her tongue that much, though she pushes it when she finally gets a hold of his beer. it lingers near her mouth for a moment, fixing him with a look before she downs a swig. “did he say i said that?” and carefully dabs the corners of her mouth with her thumb, feeling her face heating. “because literally what i said to him verbatim was that i would never ask him to do that.” her eyes don’t leave his for a second, not even to blink. “he said she reminded him of home. what am i? satan? like, i’m not gonna tell him not to talk to her and i’ve never told him that,” she goes to take another sip, but interrupts herself— “although i will say i think it’s really fucking hurtful weird that they waited to pursue some kind of ‘friendship’ until after i physically lunged at her because of all the out of pocket shit she was saying to me. but sure, whatever. i’ll ‘pick my battles.’”

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

“what battles are we picking?” jude asks, sidling up behind jenny, his hands placed on her shoulders, and massaging away any tension there. "damn. lotta knots, girl. what you stressin' about?"  if he had stepped in any sooner, he might not be so content, face dipping down to plant a kiss against her cheek, and her jaw, and then the soft mark on her neck where he knows, beneath half an inch of concealer, there’s a bruise left by his mouth. “i'd pick 1066. battle of hastings. five years of GCSE history and that’s the only fact i remember.” although the only reason he remembers it was because it was on an advert for an insurance company. his brain just seems to buzzing with useless commercials, music videos, and obscure drug-related anecdotes. jude plops down onto the poolside between the two of them, one arm swinging around angel’s neck, the other around jenny’s. “my two favourite people.” siobhan will fucking kill him for that ; he wouldn’t be surprised if she skips out on family day — if him and jenny even make it that far. “you mind if i steal the lovely jennifer for a bit?” jude asks, turning to angel with a flash of his eyes, jerking his head as if to say, fuck off, it’s go time. he already knows the plan, so it shouldn’t be too hard for him to get the message and make himself scarce.

angel reid

it’s a big, british blessing, really. all of jenny’s questions stood looming like a liminal hall of doors, each would surely only open up increasingly crazier trains of thought despite angel genuinely believing that none of the answers to her inquiries would be objectively disappointing. that’s jenny for you. he smiles at jude’s presence, partly with wonder. “shit, i thought we were still, like, trying to discover fire then.” guess it’s never too early to go to war. he smacks a hand against jude’s chest. “take her for two bits. i’m gonna go get a shot,” then he makes a face at jenny like . sucker. then off he goes to find callie by the bar.

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

she smiles slightly in spite of herself, tucking into his side, careful not to transfer any foundation onto his shirt. she’s packed it on tonight, rocking the opposite of a natural look but rather something glowy and golden and glam for their chic night on a boat, jude decked out in his matching gold accessories and a cheeky nod to the dirty jerz with his leopard print shirt. god, he’s so hot, even if she is feeling more on edge around him than she should. but his arm is like a weighted blanket around her shoulders that grounds her back in her body, sparing angel another tirade because, as always, the minute jude’s touching her she feels better. her fingers knot through his to steer his hand back up where her neck meets her shoulder, squeezing his hand until his kneading her muscles again. “keep going. i’m so tense,” she sighs, angling her back to him as angel moves to leave, but not before whirling a glare at him. “oh c’mon. are you kidding?” then to jude, “he wouldn’t let me get a drink—god, ‘you’re a fake and a phony and i wish i’d never laid eyes on you!’” her voice takes on the olivia newton-john australian lilt as she quotes a cohen home classic at his back. “evil, evil man,” mumbled through a laugh as she swings her full attention onto jude, a bashful smile on her lips after the rant she’s just gone on. “what’s up, dempsey?”

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

despite the roll of his eyes, jude has no problem picking up the hints she’s giving him, his hands sliding back up to her shoulders, thumbs digging in against the muscles there and rolling away the tightness. “you’re tense, huh. i know something that could work for that…” though probably not if angel’s here. thankfully, he’s already fucking off to find the missus, leaving the two of them alone by the dim light of the pool, a ripple in the surface throwing a wavy beam of light across jenny's face. “you look mad good tonight," jude admits, basking in the hazy golden glow of her. "and the way that light’s reflecting on you… damn, bro, that’s some tate britain shit right there.” jude hasn’t seen grease enough times to catch her reference, otherwise he’d tell her that men are amoebas on fleas on rats. he leans down to press a kiss against the back of her neck, hands still working against the tension in her shoulders, until she turns to face him, a rare moment of quiet shared between the two of them. “nothing’s up,” he says, breezily, feeling the calmest he’s felt in weeks. “i'm golden, me.”  there’s usually some kind of tension playing on his mind, but tonight everything’s streamlined, like leaving the villa’s left all of his usual angst and disquiet behind. “just wanna’ spend time with you. what, do i gotta get a permit for that?” his hands drop to her hips, tugging her into his lap and meeting her mouth in a slow, deliberate kiss that seems to start in his lips and flood down his whole body. “c’mon, let’s go check out the upper deck,” he breathes, when he pulls away. “hear the view’s pretty fuckin’ swanky up there.” getting to his feet, jude extends a hand to help jenny to hers, the little bracelet she’d given him catching on her ring as he takes her hand. “oh, shit. i’m all caught up.” he ducks down, attempting to untangle their jewellery (smooth one, jude) as he leads her up towards the top deck.

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

it never feels like jude’s complimenting her just to compliment her, even if he is. she knows she can be insatiable where words of affirmation are concerned, but in his lilting accent, dark eyes drinking her in, she can’t imagine his comments are practiced or even considered much before they come out of his mouth. as if independent of her needing to hear it, he needs to say it—looks at her and just has to tell her she belongs in a museum. that’s why it’s so easy to believe the things he says. her whole body warms, beginning at her chest and radiating all the way to the tips of her fingers, the compliment wrapping around her like a hug as she smiles down at her feet. “you’re tate britain shit,” she mumbles, nudging his shoulder with hers. she really doesn’t want him to stop rubbing her back, but at the risk of cumming from that alone, she turns to face him, hands going right for the collar. “i’m obsessed with the fit tonight,” she muses, running her thumbs along the fabric. “no one else here could rock this but you look so fucking good. i almost feel bad that i’m gonna have to steal it later.”

she snorts when he drags her onto his lap, two pieces sliding into place. “not a permit, just a signed permission slip. you have to state your reasons and everything—make a compelling case for why you’re not sick of me yet.” she drapes herself around him, giggling against the lips that press to hers, slow and languid enough to give her pause before leaning into it. everything in the villa is so go, go, go that even the laziest of interactions are hurried along on borrowed time. there’s been a feeling of needing to hit all the milestones quick, take advantage of every possible opportunity in case it’s all ripped away, but jude’s been talking ‘afters’ recently. ‘can you travel with your job? what if you came and stayed with me in manchester after the villa.’ it’s like time itself has gotten bigger to make space for them now, no need to rush, and today he almost looks calm. she dots his nose with a quick peck before docking hers against it, slumping forward when he moves to stand. “i dunno, i’m kinda into the view from down here,” she teases, gaze swooping up from the front of his pants to meet his suggestively before begrudgingly pushing to her feet just in time to get tangle up in him. “aw, babe, look. the universe wants us stuck together,” she teases, looping her pinky finger through his. “c’mon, leave it for now. i’ll fix it when we get up there—i don’t want you breaking’ anything. this ring is real aluminum, you know.” or is it nickel? brass? what’s the jewelry from five below made of? “what’s up here anyway? is it like, a whole ‘nother floor?”

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

“yeah, but i’m like the bag of rubbish that they put on display as an exhibit and then the cleaner threw it out…” jude adds, self-deprecating,  “or like, that banana on the wall worth millions that someone ate and then put the skin back…” whereas jenny? she’s a piece of art that actually deserves to be there, not just a gimmick with a hefty price tag. “you’re like… hm. not the mona lisa cos she’s actually a bit of a minger, but like, one of them bare cool aphrodite sculptures or sommat.” his hand falls to the divot of her spine, skin on skin where her backless dress allows, massaging a spot there just above her ass as he draws her in against him. for now at least, he’ll keep it PG; he’s been planning this moment for days, imagining it weeks into the future, and now it’s like an opportunity he can’t refuse has landed itself in his lap and he’d be a court jester juggling his oranges for the noblemen not to take it. fuck it. why not? it’s not like there’s any point in waiting for another golden opportunity to present itself. “you picked out most of it,” jude responds, flicking his finger against the end of her nose. as with most nights, jude’s ‘getting ready process’ is just modelling a series of outfits for whatever girl’s on hand like he’s in a coming of age late noughties movie. still, the thought of her in any of his clothes warms him. he gets a sick little thrill when she sleeps in his hoodie, or he catches her making her smoothies wearing his birkenstocks as oversized slippers. “right. well my compelling case is that nobody could ever get sick of you. it’s some new crazy shit with you every day,” he’s shaking his head, but it’s clear from the crinkles around the corners of his eyes that he says it with tenderness, adding “—and i’m mad into it,” before she can misinterpret his tone, pout her lips, and ask him something like would you still like me if i was a worm. 

her finger loops itself around his, and jude swings their caught wrists, a warmth in his gaze when he looks down at her. it’s a view he could get used to — his girl in a nice dress, tucked into his side — the two of them held together by tangled silver like a pagan hand-wrapping ritual.  “aluminum,” jude repeats, cheeks pitching up as he imitates the soft inflection of her jersey accent. “we say it aluminum. like… ally minion, kinda.” usually, he’d take the stairs two at a time, but with jenny at his side he slows his pace to a dawdle, arm instinctively bending to slot hers on top of his elbow as a fail safe, something to grab hold of if her heels catch and she topples on the stairs. “i dunno,” jude says, as if he hasn’t already scoped out every part of the boat with angel, the location scout in him vying for a place with the best angles. “less people? less noise? but also, you can see everyone, and i know you love a gossip, so...” reaching the top of the stairs, he drops his arm, tangling their fingers as he pulls her towards the centre of the upper deck, his free hand going to the small of her back as he draws her in against him. “you know any ballroom dancing typa shit?” jude asks, folding their joined hands up at a right angle and shifting his weight in a messy approximation of slow dancing. jenny feels like the kind of girl who might have attended dance competitions as a kid, fake-tanned and hair sprayed within an inch of her life, like aoife at her irish dancing feis, ringlets hard enough that you could crack them.  “i’ve only ever slow danced with my nan, and she’s had two hip replacements, so you’re already miles better.”

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

“hey,” she scolds suddenly, yanking his hand hard enough for the shockwave to zip up his arm and snap him out of it. “i don’t like when you say shit like that.” her eyes wait for his to look over, impatiently blinking up at him. “‘cause both of those would actually be like, epic bits of performance art that end up in the news and like, in text books and get studied and start like, massively impactful dialogues because of their commentary on… i dunno, society or whatever, but you’re not saying it like that.” two fingers hook into his waistband so their legs can stay slotted while she arches back for a better look at him. “i’m not trynna be a buzzkill. like, i know it’s just a joke but you say stuff like that all the time and you’re not rubbish and you’re not a banana.” it might sound ridiculous, but she’s being completely earnest, each point driven home by a frustrated tug of his pants—an attempt to drill this into his thick skull with something physical that isn’t a smack upside the head, even if she’s tempted. “like… jude.” be serious. her head slants to one side, one brow lifting, lips pressed into a reproachful line as her hands find his, toying with his fingers. “i wish i was better with words so i could explain how ridiculous it is when you say stuff like that.” but she’s not, and the idea of trying to articulate just how highly she thinks of him feels akin to chasing the wind with a net. how can you explain feelings with words? how can she sum up jude when the language that rushes to mind feels cliched and lazy. ‘you’re not garbage, you’re perfect. you’re awesome. you’re amazing.’ that’s what a teacher would write on an a+ paper, not a suitable antidote for the guy she’s falling for. her eyes linger on his a moment longer before she leans in and gently bonks her forehead against his. that’ll have to do. .

“i’m sorry for, like—i can take a joke, you know.” she’s feeling a little embarrassed for the rant. “i’m just gonna have to refute those ones every time. you’re not allowed to be mean to the guy i’m— to my guy.” she huffs out an indignant breath, reluctantly peeling her gaze away to finally notice the change of scenery. holy shit, this fuckin’ boat. “whoa, look at the sky.” there’s only a moment to try to drink it all in, the view of the deck below, the shoreline, the faint smattering of stars even though it’s not completely dark yet before he’s sweeping her back up. her free hand automatically winds around his neck while his creeps around her waist, the other two clasped together like they’re about to dance. it takes a second to realize that’s exactly what’s about to happen. her gaze shoots to his, confused and tentatively excited but braced for a ‘just kidding’ until he starts swaying them back and forth, and even then she can’t quite believe it. she can’t even remember the last time she slow danced. prom, maybe? some distant relative’s wedding? “oh, do i.” she does not. “i’ve seen a lot of dancing with the stars. would you believe we’re actually viennese waltzing right now.” the hand linked to his—seemingly even more entangled than it was before—lifts, a silent instruction for him to twirl beneath the bridge their arms created before coming back together. her cheeks hurt from how hard she’s beaming at him and trying to contain it. “i should’ve known you were a romantic the minute you sang that jenny song to me, even if you didn’t like me then.” although, according to angel… she steps herself in closer, rests her head on his shoulder as she drags the hand she’s holding hostage up, guiding it to splay out across her chest. “can you feel my heart? it’s like, racing.”

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

“ouch!” jude shouts, taken aback by her yank, although it wasn’t exactly painful. still, he rubs the socket where his shoulder joins his arm, scowling down at her. “what d’you do that for, you muppet?” she barely lets him get a word in, already going on her long spiel about how he’s an impactful piece of performance art or some shit, and he has to bite his tongue from comparing himself to that shit piece of absurdist theatre aoife dragged him along to in soho. he wouldn’t mind being something a bit andy warhol, though. that stuff’s proper cool. “alright, alright, chill out. i’ll fuckin’... calm it with the self-effacing bullshit, just please don’t beat me up.” like she could take him. his mood sallows slightly, recalling the incident with miles. whatever. he’s not important right now. and this isn’t a direct response to the perceived threat of that either, just a culmination of everything he’s been mulling over, cinnamon sticks and all, for the last few days. miles just gave him a kick up the rear end is all. 

“shut up. you’re great with words,” jude parries (en garde!) bracing his arm to dip jenny over it, before he draws her back up against his face, nose to nose as they dance. feels almost like that scene in that new edgar wright film with the fit lass who was in the witch, except jenny doesn’t change into a different person every time she crosses the screen, and honestly, he wouldn’t want her to. his eyes have no reason to wander anywhere else when what’s in front of him’s already more than he deserves. “ i wish i was better with words so i could make you see yourself the way i see you. and probs so i could stop putting my fuck-off massive size 11 air max nike’s in it.”  he hadn’t exactly handled the question of exclusivity with grace, decorum, or even an arbitrary grasp on language. “you’re from jersey. you’ve got an excuse. but i’m english and i can’t even speak it, for fuck sake.” she knocks her head against his, and it brings a soft smile to his lips, turns his cerebral cortex to candle wax and renders him mushy around his hard edges. “you try’na knock me out? squaring up? you wanna fuckin’ go, mate?” his hands are in her hair, pulling her lips to his to lose himself in her kiss before she can answer, fingers sinking along her spine, beneath the cowl back of her dress, before he remembers that the reason he brought her up here isn’t to get her naked. although he wouldn’t stop her, if she wanted.

“don’t be daft. i know you can take a joke.” obviously she can if she’s going out with him — it feels like jude’s the one who can’t take a joke, rattled by the smallest of aggravations. “your guy?” he repeats, equal parts teasing and turned on, his mouth against the shell of her ear as he says it again. “i’m your guy?” he spins her out before she can answer, draws her back with just as much fervour, a heat in his eye contact when his gaze meets hers, a quiet settling as the two of them sway. she tells him to look at the sky, but he can’t tear his eyes away from her long enough to, murmuring in agreement as he drinks her in, “ yeah, i know, it’s beautiful,” totally aware of how much of a cliché he’s being, the fact that if he saw this in a film he’d call it lazy writing, but with jenny there’s not much his eyes could look at that he’d find more interesting than her. alright, maybe if he saw marcus rashford in foot locker down the trafford centre or some shit, but like, not much else. “viennese waltz? thought that was a biscuit. them ones you get at your dead posh mate’s house.” he’s thinking of viennese whirls.

laughing, he cringes at the memory, serenading a girl who seemed like she wouldn’t even waste a drip of spit if he was on fire. “i did like you then,” jude admits, groaning. “jenny, i wanted you from the moment i met you. you did that sexy little jessica rabbit impression, i was fuckin’ obsessed with you,” even if the way he expressed it was by spending every waking moment telling anyone who’d listen he was absolutely not interested. “and then you got me with the mixed messages saying i should leave you alone and shit. you parred me off first.” he dips himself (all 6’1 of him) under her arm, with some effort, grips her hips to dip her round in a circle before drawing her back up to him, his own pulse so erratic that when she draws his hand against her chest he can’t tell which heartbeat’s hers and which is his. “yeah, mine too. i’m dead nervous, actually, because i, uh…” his free hand’s scratching at the curls at the back of his head, pulling on one to draw his focus back to the present. “i wanted to ask you something.” fuck. “look, i know i'm not good at speeches or saying how i feel or owt. but i really like you, jenny.” he’s scared to use a stronger word. “i know we talked about this the other day, and i’ve been fuckin’ kicking myself ever since. i said i didn’t think you were ready, but honestly i think it was more that i wasn’t ready to get my heart broken by you. but i dont really give a shit about that any more, because that’s life, innit? like when you’re seeing someone chances are you’ll either get married or you’ll break each other’s hearts, so why fight it.” .

the whole time he’s been talking, his wrist’s been fiddling with the clasp of his bracelet, trying to get it off her ring, and it finally comes loose, a little thread of jude’s anxiety untangling itself with it. “but… y’know. we’ve been doing this for a while now. and i trust you, and i love spending time with you, and i think we understand each other pretty well. i wanna keep waking up next to ya. and i’d really like to be able to call you something other than jenny — although it’s a great name. nice one, heather.” he’s a fucking mess of nerves, but when his eyes meet her its like a second wind of confidence. “so what i wanna know is, uh… fuck it.” jude pauses, hands on her hips to steady him as he gets down on his knees — both knees, mind — he doesn’t want her getting any ideas. his hands leave her hips to move to the nape of his neck, unclipping the fiddly clasp of his chain, and sliding it into her hand when he takes it, folds her knuckles over it and kisses them, the little saint christopher hidden inside her palm.  “are you gonna be my girlfriend then, or what?”

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

cheryl says you can trick anxiety out of your body by convincing your brain it’s just excitement. easier said than done, though. the overly cheery voice in her head grows shakier by the second the very instant he prefaces his question, swiftly shooting down any delusion that this isn’t just sheer panic. people only do that when they’re about to ask something serious. the hand against her chest becomes an anchor, warm and solid and clasped between white-knuckled fingers as her eyes flick nervously between his. she’s surprised to see he doesn’t look much better off. whatever this is has him all worked up too. “hey,” she offers softly, brows knitting together as she squeezes his hand, not as a way of stealing comfort this time, but of gifting some back, “it’s just me.” that must be enough because once he launches in, it’s impossible to get a word in. or maybe she just can’t quite formulate a sentence, her mouth caught in a small ‘o’ as she tries to absorb everything he’s saying, plus anything he might not be. because there has to be a ‘but.’ there has to be. ‘i really like you, jenny’ …….b-but? she’s holding her breath, muscles locked and braced for the worst while he rattles off confession after confession, each sounding more like something ripped straight from her own inner monologue until she can’t help but lean into the fantasy. .

there’s something poetic in their wrists coming free the moment he tears it all away and she hears that dreaded word. a shaky exhale and a brittle smile, deflating as her eyes pinch shut. this was always gonna be too good to be true. she knew that, but why here? why now, in this perfect place at this perfect moment? it doesn’t make any sense. this is the kind of setup for a proposal or something, not a—  one eye squints open as his words to come back into focus, feeling confused when it’s all just more of the same clumsy ramblings that sound a lot like everything she’s wanted to hear. and he doesn’t look apologetic like he’s about to break her heart, but hopeful. emboldened even as his hands go for her hips. “wait—“ not a command for him, but a filler as she tries to get her head on straight. what the fuck is going on? hope swells in her chest, fluttering quick as a hummingbird’s as she watches him sink to the floor, struck by the sight of him on his knees in front of her. “sorry, what’s… i’m so confused. i—“ she lets out a slightly hysterical laugh, her hand lifting up to muffle it. “are you being serious?” the metal feels warm in her palm from sitting against his pulse and she carefully unfolds her hands to look at the necklace she’s become so familiar with, then down at him. “jude. are you being serious?” she demands again, her own knees crashing into the floor in front of him, hands going straight for his face, running over it like she’s checking for a fever. she presses a lightening fast peck against his lips, wild eyes not wanting to miss a second. “this is real?”

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

god. jenny’s mad fucking cute, especially when the shock of it all hits her with such a force that she laughs, hopefully not at him, though the uncertainty that wells in his stomach doesn’t quite settle until she’s sinking down on her knees before him. “is it too soon?” he asks, an attempt to catch the creases of that laugh and iron them out, needing to know that it’s the situation she finds ridiculous, not him.  surely the idea of the two of them trying it, despite the air miles they’d have to cover just for a weekend away, isn’t that ridiculous. if it is, why are they even bothering? “i was gonna wait, but… i don’t want to? never know when your time here’s gonna be cut short, do ya.” or when snakey santiago might strike again, though he feels pretty confident he’s put in enough groundwork that should her focus start to falter he could catch her chin, ease it slowly back to him, before her head had the chance to fully turn. “you what? obviously it’s real, you div.”  her lips are on his, not long enough to give him his answer, but long enough to ease his anxiety slightly. he can feel his pulse in his fucking fingertips where their hands meet, hopes to hell his palms aren’t clammy like she’s holding soggy fish fingers. in the back of his head his brain’s already off on a tangent, palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti body working overtime when he draws her closer to keep him rooted in this moment and not miss a second lost in the clutter of his thoughts.  “alright jen, you’re freaking me out now. are you gonna say yes, or shall i grab my fucking arm bands and walk the plank?”

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐞𝐧

“it’s obviously not too soon. did i not try asking you like, a few days ago?” and spent the next few kicking herself over it. she’d let herself operate on emotion alone, forgetting that once things are out there, they can’t be taken back. not that she wanted to take it back, but she expected her big, bold, take-the-reigns moment to be received with a little more enthusiasm otherwise she would’ve kept her fat mouth shut. naturally, she’d been mortified that she’d read him so wrong, confronted for the first time with this idea that maybe they weren’t as in sync as she’d thought. now she’s exhaling a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding until jude’s fingers first started massaging the tension from her body, stress built up from the weight of everything she wasn’t saying. “obviously yes,” she breathes with a shaky laugh as her arms slip around him, dragging herself in closer until she can bury herself in his neck. she kind of thinks she might cry for all his tenderness. “you’re… you’re sure about this?” the question is barely above a whisper and gets muffled against his skin where she presses a gentle kiss to his thundering pulse. one final out should he want to take it because she can’t freaking help it—sorry cheryl.

“you’re— you don’t feel pressured, do you? this is what you want too?” she peels back to look at him, eyes embarrassingly misty. “you and me? —sorry, i don’t know why i’m getting all emo. i guess, like… i didn’t really think i would find anyone in here, meanwhile you’re legit made for me, like… it’s all just kind of surreal, isn’t it?” she toys with the necklace in her hands. “like, so much had to line up for us to end up here, so many conditions had to just work out perfectly. we probably never would’ve met if it wasn’t for all this, and now i can’t even imagine spending a day without you and like, i just wanna hang out with you all the time and i know how you take your tea and i can’t wait to meet siobhan and aoife and introduce you to heather, like... isn’t it crazy?”

[whentherewerebicycles]

good morning everybody and thank you for the asks and messages yesterday re: job angst—I will answer them today but they were helpful and kind and encouraging!! I journaled a lot yesterday and talked through it at length with liz and I’m feeling a lot better. my goals for this week are 1) do a very good job at my job instead of performing down to the extraordinarily low expectations they seem to have for me and 2) be more assertive in giving my perspective or ideas when I think I can offer useful direction. I feel more like myself when I am trying hard at tasks and working diligently to excel in a role even if nobody cares or is watching, so I want to see if changing the way I do my job can make the actual job itself feel a little less bleh.

so today:

I have a meeting with my lead where I want to show her the detailed template I made to guide our drafting of this SOP. I also want to ask her for strategies on asking our boss to loosen up her hold on the project a little (I obv won’t frame it that way lol but I think if she would give up a tiny bit of micromanaging control now it would make everyone involved work much more quickly and with less stress)

I am going to propose an alternate approach to the SOP design in our meeting with the boss tomorrow and I want to create a mock-up of what that would look like using our training software bc I think if she can actually see it she will maybe realize why it’s a better approach than the one we’ve been using

I have a long-term strategic planning session this afternoon with my lead and this other very sharp, no-nonsense woman in the office who I really like and I think this is the meeting I’ve been longing for where we are going to all finally kinda level with each other and be like ‘how do we do the things we want to get done given the glacial pace at which everything moves around here.’ here’s what I think I want to pitch: 1) we should develop a streamlined standard operating procedure or a research-based best practices guide for onboarding. 2) we should implement data collection to assess if these trainings are actually accomplishing our goals. 3) we should push REALLY hard to get HR and leadership to integrate trainings requirements into biannual performance plans so that trainings are actually meaningfully tied to people’s growth and advancement in the workplace. 4) this is my most ambitious idea but… I want to pilot an optional cohort program where people identify a specific skill they want to develop in their performance plans, then participate in a sequenced, cohort-based learning experience where they have shorter but more regular bursts of learning followed by structured implementation with coaching/feedback followed by individual and group reflection. everyone here keeps saying people are starved for “team-building” by which I think they mean: nobody really feels connected to each other and nobody is entirely sure how to build meaningful relationships with their colleagues. 2-3 month structured cohort learning sequences seem like the ideal way to get people the actual training they need AND help them build a sense of community with the people around them.

OKAY!!!! I will not be defeated lol I REFUSE to let this job defeat me

[realpapaemeritusiv]

🔫 Tell everyone about gianni rn or I’ll shoot (it’s full of water) (just regular water but it’s like just slightly cold)

damn guess i gotta tell the world about my main boy gianni. it'll be under a cut bc its long as shit

okay so this right here

is gianni (technically gianni copia emeritus if we're going by full legal names here). we've made our own lore and i hope eventually you'll make a masterpost of it so if i write stuff later on i can include the link as a reference for anyone that might choose to read it bc honestly i think the lore that we've altered and made up is really interesting and i think people might enjoy reading it one day. anyway, onto the meat and potatoes of this.

so, with the lore that we've created, gianni is the twin brother of copia (named giorgio/gio in our lore bc honestly he needed a name and that name slaps) born to nihil and lucifer (i am 100% down to answer more questions on this bc this slaps also ik owen will def be down to answer questions about that little tidbit or it might be in the headcanon tag on their blog).

there's a bit of a branching path with him because i go back and forth between having them be raised together until they're both 10 or until they're both 5, but the constant is nihil having to send away one son to keep them safe from imperator (named cirice in our lore and will be called that for the duration of this post just to keep things streamlined). from 5/10 until his mid to late 30s, gianni worked his way up in the ranks of an abbey in italy that i think i made up. honestly, he was completely taken advantage of in that abbey, being worked to near death by the cardinals and siblings of sin (fun fact this man is a people pleaser to the max and also physically cannot take a single day off and has actually almost died from it). while literally being overworked by pure luck he managed to meet a special someone (you'll shit when you find out who it is) and starts a little sneaky relationship with them.

the person? temptesa, aka our own rain ghoul. (i'm sure owen's posted lore about it so go check it for more deets). they probably get a good year or two together and exchange rings before his beloved is sent away without his knowledge (to Linköping by pure luck where they're later reunited and i'll def expand on that if anyone wants to know more)

so he's eventually asked to return to the abbey as a cardinal (that we placed in Linköping just for simplicities sake and to have one cohesive area anytime the abbey's mentioned) and arrives back home after 25-30 years to one of 2 things

the previous papas already having been executed by cirice and prepared for the veneration of relics and everyone in the abbey absolutely depressed

or

during anti christmas :)

i haven't really taken the time to build the lore on everything that happens immediately after he's returned home, but he does continue his work as a cardinal and watching as his twin becomes papa and tours the world spreading the word of the church

UNTIL

he gets to play papa one time because his brother's way too sick to perform the ritual/show and he's the only one available who can fill the role. he literally crams learning all the songs in like 11 hours and is such a nervous wreck before that first show and he def barfs at least once before he goes on stage for the first time.

this man is a whole ass natural at being on that stage. talks to the crowd, puts his whole self into every song, and literally stays a few hours after that first show just to talk to anyone who stays after bc this man loves the fans, adores them tbh.

he finally gets his chance to be papa when gio wants to step down and focus on starting a family with his wife (who i am also 100% down to talk about later, not rn tho this is gianni time) and this man puts his entire being into being a good papa. he doesn't take a salary, pushes for the ghouls to be equal to him, defends the ghouls (and there's a ton of stuff i could talk about when it comes to him with the ghouls bc this man is lowkey a whore), and just pretty much revamps the church from the ground up and has the ghouls finally be equals to everyone else.

that's just a lil taste of gianni tbh bc there's so much more i could talk about but i gotta workshop some of it still