#having read a handful of random issues as an older teen. it’s such a treat when I get to an issue I remember reading in the past

[spacepunksupreme]

I think this is a great interior cover in general. Great composition fitting all seven Howlers in view clearly, and we dont usually get a lot of purple in the coloring so it looks super fresh. But the best thing, of course, is Dum Dum wearing his hat and long johns under water lol

[jellyfishjuliet]

probably the thing i dislike most about comicsharing these days is how insanely disingenuous ppl are about the books they’re sharing. specifically with kon. he was incredibly overexposed during his initial run, and pretty damn popular. his writing relayed the zeitgeist of the 90s with barely any filter, despite being comics code authority approved. it’s ok to admit that contextually speaking, his run (meaning ALL his books from 1993 - 2002) wasn’t THAT crazy compared to others aka miss hal’s menty b and superman literally dying and coming back and suffering ENDLESSLY until the clois marriage healed his heart and psyche. you don’t have to treat his initial writing like it needs to be heat-treated prior to reading.

the fact that ‘fans’ love harping on his early writing like its some kinda radioactive green rock is actually insane! that is LITERALLY the concept work that lasted TEN YEARS across MULTIPLE writers and books. kesel wasn’t the only one clowning. editorial marched to his tune even after superboy 1994’s hands changed. kon dont got a hundred years of history. he’s only got thirty, and a third of that was entirely his creator’s, and you know what? It was GREAT! it was raw and heartbreaking and funny and indicative of how terribly neglectful parents were and how easy it was for kids to get caught up in adult bullshit without being adults. im tired of ppl talking like it’s a diseased run ‘not up for the current times.” it is ABSOLUTELY of the current times.

it was about a partyboy who never got to party for the sake of it, and about CSA without kon knowing he was a victim and survivor of CSA. it was about ppl in positions of authority and power leaving kon to his business bc kon wasn’t theirs to take in, and no one in any position of influence thought to question why a grown ass woman was dating him PUBLICLY. they laughed! kyle and clark and dubbilex and makoa, they did not care! bc kon was supposed to be a way for neglected kids to read about a character who’s making his own way since he’s been emotionally starved of love and affection. he makes his own family, even tho those ppl don’t really SEE him as family! he thinks of a clone handler as his father even tho that handler does the bare minimum! he thinks his agent’s daughter is his sister even tho she’s been lusting and pining after him since the start! he didn’t understand boundaries, didn’t draw them, and didn’t understand that his emulating the people around him was NOT normal!

he’s the one kid in school who thought it was ok for sixteen year olds to attend college parties and sleep with older girls cuz he got his growth spurt early and looks like an adult, even tho he’s not! he’s the kid you grew up with that didn’t have parents, but had random guardians who did a subpar job at taking care of him bc they couldn’t put him in foster care. he was the guy you knew growing up who said the most off-color shit and did the most off-color shit bc he had anger issues and deep-seated resentment and shit tons of sexual trauma and NO friends his age that didn’t wanna fuck him.

kon was THE exploited teen star. his story can STILL resonate today if you stop treating his early writing as icky and focus on the actual fucking themes and purpose of the story. his first real gay friend wasn’t ray, it was hero. he joined yj with a heavy heart. his first love was one of the ppl who destroyed his life the most, and yet he loved tana! knockout gave him sexual trauma so deep, he was still acting out in ttv03. his life’s lack of parental love is WHY the kents taking him in is so moving and important. no, clark not taking him in from the start was not on clark bc KON IS NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY. kon was the government’s responsibility, and the government did what it does to all kids who don’t have loving parents and guardians - left him to fend for himself.

kon’s initial run isn’t a 90’s shitshow. it’s a legitimately sad tale with multiple moving parts that highlight how much legacy can both destroy and make a person’s spirit. stop treating that shit with kidgloves. commit to the fucking bit. he was never anyone’s prop, and it’s sad how some of y’all act like his only heartbreak is tim getting away with bernard. i don’t know how to tell you this, but tim’s timkonnie feels were wholly a personal problem. focus on the kon. i PROMISE you, you’ll free yourself from chuck dixon’s boogers and geoff’s grimdark teen soap that paled in comparison to the actual teen soap of the era, smallville.

[aqvarius]

With people comparing Namba and Matsunaga (both older, both have an ex which feels redundant plot wise, and having moments of being laid back but also stern), which of the two do you think is the better?(Though I'm not sure if rmd will go beyond the 2nd epilogue since all the backlash from LC and we'll probably never see any more character development from each guy)

hmmmMMMM okay so i still have thoughts about the future of rmd (which i’m still working on slowly to try and get all my Thoughts in order) pending for another ask BUT i actually still haven’t read namba’s adversaries so i feel like i can maybe make a decent comparison without namba having too much advantage

so matsunaga and namba are REALLY similar. the sad thing is that matsunaga’s history with his ex should tie into the plot but it really doesn’t (or rather the link between ex and the plot comes out of literally nowhere) unless you’ve read all the right heart scenes (i’m just presuming this, it might also come out of nowhere even if you’ve read all the heart scenes and also i don’t know which ones exactly bc i didn’t wanna spend any hearts on this route lol). 

CUT FOR BIG SPOILERS

i do actually think that matsunaga’s route had more potential to weave in some more complex themes but ultimately ended up being a bit more basic(?) in terms of its core message. while yes, it is groundbreaking for voltage for them to write a bi love interest, i felt the way they tackled sexuality in this route wasn’t the most thoughtful. i mean, for the patient to basically go nuts (honestly don’t even remember his name bc this route made so little impact on me and i didn’t enjoy it enough to save screenshots lol) and murder his ex because he chose to preserve his public image as a celebrity and date a woman just felt like (1) not the most thoughtful character construction for a non-straight character and (2) just a way to (dare i say tokenistically) shoehorn in matsunaga’s sexuality without making it a genuinely impactful part of his personality and the development of his relationship with the mc. 

for one, i have to reiterate that it really did come out of nowhere. most of the route focussed on matsunaga’s health issues (frankly unnecessary imo). for me it felt like the health issue thing was a way for matsunaga’s backstory (particularly in relation to kasumi) to be written in, and then the thing with his ex was the way for his character to relate somewhat to a seemingly unrelated case (the actual medical/patient case aspect of the route), but they honestly threw that in so last minute and it was such a passing thing as well? like i feel like matsunaga’s route and his character were developed more from the whole downplaying his health issues thing than his sexuality. however, because the climax of the route was about the patient going berserk, they kind of were like let’s diffuse this situation with a dramatic reveal about matsunaga’s sexuality and that GENUINELY felt like all that was used for. like all of the “getting closer” moments were related to his health issues or hanging out the pomeranian lol. 

also honestly the ways in which both the patient and the female patient dealt with the singer’s death was exactly the same (i.e. wanting to die bc what’s the point in living if he’s no longer there) so i didn’t really see the point of there being two of them aside from setting up for a more dramatic ~gasp the singer was bi~ moment which in itself was just a setup for a more dramatic ~gasp matsunaga is bi~ moment right at the end. i also felt like they could have addressed the idea of fear of social discrimination in a more nuanced and thoughtful way? essentially i wasn’t a fan of the whole “he was afraid of being in a publicly gay relationship with me so i killed him bc he broke up with me to be with a woman” thing. and in my opinion, matsunaga contributed NOTHING to that entire theme aside from just saying “i had a boyfriend and we broke up for the same reasons except i didn’t become a murderer” which like........ you could have used this opportunity to actually explore the pain and difficulty of needing to hide your relationship because of social taboo or being discarded because your partner chose public image over you rather than just write this character off as a vengeful gay ex vs the good bi guy (matsunaga who just accepts injustices like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ que sera sera). i thought it would have been a stronger and more sophisticated story had they either focussed on either one theme or the other in this one route (health/life expectancy issues vs sexuality) instead of kind of having both be treated a little half-heartedly. the feeling i got was that the first step to getting closer (and i say this laughingly bc honestly the distance between them even after 30 chapters is GAPING) was the pomeranian and then the topic that gave their relationship a little more depth than “we’re just hanging out with your dog” was the revelation of his health issues. 

also the idea that people live on through your memories of them felt a little like... overdone/simple? or that it was lacking a more sophisticated engagement with the idea of death, legacy and memories. i’ve read school life shoujo manga that deals with that theme in a more interesting way. so for me, it felt a little ingenuine that it was treated by as a perspective or way of thinking about death that was like a mindblowing new way to look at life ahead, especially since the characters involved are in their 20s, not early teens. 

so anyway i think that matsunaga has potentially a deeper character? namba has more or less ‘healed’ or at least learnt to cope with his issues enough that you wouldn’t know anything is up but it’s clear that matsunaga still has a lot of personal issues to work through, so there was genuine potential to overcome some of that boss-subordinate power imbalance through having genuine connection between just humans or to develop him as a character whose prioritisation of others is maybe a flaw. i just think that they crammed so many things in that none of it really got addressed or developed properly lol.  

i will say that i find matsunaga is way less fun than namba? namba is more of a “my pace” kind of guy - he’s more random/eccentric which i enjoy. matsunaga’s persona is more just like a regular nice guy? you would NEVER find matsunaga just on the street in costume pretending to be a fortune teller for no reason but to give you random love advice? 

but on that same note, i definitely feel less chemistry between matsunaga and his mc compared to namba. maybe this is just bc i only read matsunaga’s normal ending in which she confesses and asks him out and he literally SAYS NO AND IT ENDS WITH HER GETTING REJECTED (and i’m p sure they still aren’t together even in the happy ending or the epilogue), but the whole time i feel like there was only ever a parent-child relationship between them. i never felt like matsunaga treated her any different than how he treats literally anyone else in the EICU. i actually think he treats kasumi the best out of everyone, including his mc. the weird thing is that rmd actually had way more time and potential - i mean they literally SET THE TWO CHARACTERS UP IN AN EXPLICITLY ROMANTIC CONTEXT and there was still NEGATIVE amounts of romantic chemistry??? HOW? namba and his mc literally were in a boss-subordinate dynamic the entire time and they still had more chemistry and genuine interpersonal connection without it feeling like the mc is a small pet vying for her owner’s attention the entire time while also somehow simultaneously trying to mother him? i’m not kidding when i say that namba and his mc are more fun in 10 chapters than matsunaga and his mc are in THIRTY.  

ALSO namba’s (consistent lol) berating of his mc makes sense with his character and the context and is justified every time because his mc is a thoughtless noob (but one with potential that he sees his old self in). on the other hand, matsunaga has one moment when he scolds his mc for... some reason... but because she’s supposed to be this superstar student, she doesn’t really make the mistakes that allow her those learning opportunities. and then matsunaga basically just lets her do whatever she wants re: dealing with patients.  

oh and also the plot of namba’s route is better. 

in short, matsunaga’s route had potential but i feel like the missed potential and the lack of thoughtfulness in cramming in too many themes and not making the most of them are huge negative factors. namba has a more fun character, there is SO much more romantic chemistry between him and his mc, the plot is better and more interesting and has a twist without it feeling forced, namba’s comments about his age/their age gap make more sense for his character, his sprite is more attractive (lmaoooo), the relationship development is more organic, even the moments of rejection feel both more earned and heartbreaking. tl;dr: namba wins

ALSO sorry it took me so long to reply!! i’m still half in and out of tumblr 

[purplesurveys]

1055

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Surveys aside, do you use Tumblr for any other reason? Not anymore. I used to have a main blog, but it’s been years since I opened it; this is it (excuse the bad word in the URL lol, I thought it made me look like an edgy teen) but as I got older I used it less and less frequently until I no longer remember the password to log back in. These days I stay on Tumblr precisely because no one really uses it anymore, so it’s the perfect spot to hide this blog in.

2 - Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? Depends on what you mean by a lot; I have all the basic ones - Twitter, IG, Facebook, YouTube, hell I still even have my Snapchat alive lol but I haven’t used it in like three years. I use YouTube the most but I don’t update it per se, like I just use it to watch videos. Facebook I’ve used a lot less often since the breakup, but I’ve shared a handful of posts since September. I’m probably on Twitter the most, but even then my usage hasn’t been the same.

3 - Does it bother you when your socks don’t match? What about your underwear? I don’t care for either situation, especially for underwear. Why would I care about something no one is ever going to see and even think about?

4 - How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time? My family plans at least two trips, at least in non-Covid circumstances. We will sometimes repeat provinces but we never repeat hotels or sites, and we seldom repeat cities. The only places I remember visiting more than once are Baguio, Tagaytay, Albay, Subic, and Baler.

5 - How many times did it take you to pass your driving test? Just one. I could not afford to fuck it up; I was at the LTO for 8 hours and was not willing to go through that shitty long wait, so I absolutely had to pass that exam and do my best with the shitty car I had to work with.

6 - When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Nah they never used my whole name. My mom’s trademark is to add an -ah sound to my name when I’ve done something wrong though, as in Robina lol. That’s a sign I should know I shouldn’t have done what I did, whatever it is.

7 - Which family member do you look like the most? Which one do you resemble the most in terms of personality? People are always shocked to hear my mom is actually my mom and not my sister, because 1) we look very much alike, and 2) she looks young for her age. As for my personality, I’d say I’m a perfect split of my mom and dad. I exhibit an equal amount of traits they both have and I can’t tell which one I act like more.

8 - Have you ever been arrested? Never.

9 - Do you prefer Apple or Android? Apple. Would rather pay more than be stuck with an interface, camera, and emojis that I personally don’t like.

10 - Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? I don’t sweat a lot, so I really do hate it when I feel beads of sweat on my temples or when the back of my shirt starts to feel damp. It doesn’t have anything to do with my feelings about exercising; I don’t like working out, period.

11 - Have you ever broken a bone? What were the circumstances that led to this happening? Never happened, hope it never happens.

12 - If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? I wish I didn’t get the hairy gene so that I didn’t have to shave too much; my hair to be a little livelier and bouncier; and my front teeth to be straighter.

13 - When was the last time your computer crashed or froze? is this something that happens often? It must’ve been around a month ago. It just got too busy, so it froze for a few seconds. My laptop’s a trooper and doesn’t crash/freeze a lot.

14 - Do you ever have problems with your sleep? It’s mid-sleep I’ve been having issues with; I get nightmares almost every night. I don’t have a problem falling asleep as I’m able to do so pretty quickly.

15 - What was the last thing you ate for breakfast? Is this a normal breakfast meal for you? Angel sent over a small box of chocolate chip cookies as a Christmas gift so I’ve been enjoying that :) I’m currently having it with warm coffee. My normal breakfast is no breakfast, so this is a treat for me. Before this I also had to eat my leftover Chapaghetti that I couldn’t finish last night.

16 -  Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? That has not come to mind a lot, actually. I think more about death than I do my retirement...but this question tells me I should probably take a few steps back. I’d simply love to live in comfort with the person I end up growing old with. For now, that’s all I see myself wanting.

17 - When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? A little less than 22 years ago; my mom had my ears pierced when I was a few months old. Haven’t gotten any new ones, nor tattoos, since. I’d love to have a couple of tattoos. Some of my ideas are two pawprints for each of my dogs, a plate of nachos, and lyrics that are personally meaningful.

18 - How would you describe your personality? Oof, what a loaded question. Hmm, I guess I’d generally label myself as hardened until I get close with someone? I’ve always kept a wall up and as friendly and extroverted as I can be, I don’t enjoy letting just anyone in. I value my personal and private space, and it’s important that I don’t lose it. 

From another angle, I also like to keep doing nice things for other people, even at the expense of my own happiness and comfort. I have to keep making people happy to keep me pleased with myself and the world. Maybe it’s rooted in the fact that I’m the eldest daughter in an Asian family? Idrk, but all I know is that I’ve never had a problem putting other people first.

19 - Have you ever heard of “hygge”? is this something you enjoy or participate in at all? I have no idea what this is and I’ve never come across this word before.

20 - What colour was the last vehicle you travelled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else? White. It’s the car that was given to me for college, but when all is said and done it’s not mine.

21 - Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? In some senses yes, in other senses no. I don’t exercise or actively watch my diet, and I certainly eat too much junk; so proactively speaking, I’m not super healthy. But generally, my gene pool has been pretty fortunate with health. Other than heart conditions that run in certain branches of the family, we’re relatively a healthy bunch.

22 - Would you describe yourself as messy or organised? Is this something you would like to change? It’s a balance of both. I’m very organized at work so I allow myself to let go in my personal space, like my closet and car. I do clean up from time to time and I still like my space to be neat, but I’m not as neurotic as I normally would be with my workspace.

23 - Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favourite thing about it? The innocence. It was a period of being ideal, being a dreamer, being as romantic about life as I wanted to be. It was also a period where you were allowed to make mistakes, because fucking up when you’re younger lets you off the hook. These are the biggest things I miss, but I don’t really find myself pining for my teenage days. I still like where I am, even if things are realistically a little duller in adulthood.

24 - Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No. It’s hard to be when your country is shit.

25 - Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job? Yeah we had lab coats in Lab class in high school, but they were green. We also needed safety goggles, and if I remember correctly if we had neither of these things we had to sit outside and skip out on the session.

26 - Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents? I can see myself going down somewhere in the secretarial path like my mom as I’m good at organizing things and keeping internal affairs in order, but I don’t know if I would find it fulfilling. But in general, I wouldn’t want to be in the hotel and restaurant industry. I don’t have any attachments to it and I’ve always felt like I belonged in media and communications.

27 - Do you believe in aliens? Is there a reason why (or why not)? Yes. For the most part, it’s more comforting to think and believe that we’re not the only beings around.

28 - Which animated film would you most like to live in? Does it have to be a film? I’d love to be in the Fairly OddParents universe and have fairy godparents of my own.

29 - When was the last time you got into an argument? Have you made up with that person yet? Gab. I don’t know. She’s ignoring me.

30 - What are you going to do now this survey is over? Take another one.

--

1 - Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No but I had bad viruses on all of my Windows laptops before. The worst virus I got involved my laptop typing out some long-ass Vietnamese paragraphs for me at the most random times. It was like a horror movie lmao. Every time I Googled the text I never got any leads from it, so I never knew what it meant or what the virus was. 

2 - Do you prefer the company of people or animals? I don’t really have a preference when it comes to these two because their companionships are individually different. I like that animals can be playful and sweet; but I also like cracking jokes and having meaningful conversations with people.

3 - Are you a religious person? Were you raised in that faith or did you discover it a later date in life? I was born and raised Catholic, and still legally am. I never saw the appeal of the idea of being saved or of reading the Bible or anything that has to do with Christianity; and the idea of praying was weird to me even from childhood. A lot of Christians/Catholics I know are hypocrites anyway, and to me that says a lot about their mindset when it comes to religion.

4 - When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? August 2019. My friends and I had a day trip to Nasugbu so we could have some fun before the semester started; we mostly swam and caught up with one another. August is a low season so we literally had the beach, the pool, and the poolside bar to ourselves.

5 - With all the COVID restrictions in place, would you feel happy/comfortable travelling abroad right now? Why/why not? I’d be happy, but not comfortable because of the swab test I would have to take hahaha. The selfish part of me is itching to go to other places already. I know my parents would put a million roadblocks to keep me from getting on a plane though, so me traveling is purely theoretical.

6 - How would you describe your dress sense? I like wearing flattering pieces but nothing too flashy or bright. I get items that are currently in style and make sure they match with the rest of my wardrobe, but at the end of the day I still like to blend in with the crowd and avoid neon colors, flashy labels, or whatever it is that would make me stand out.

7 - Do you wait until the sales start before you buy non-essential items? I never really pay attention to sales. It’s led to some pleasant surprises, like the other day when I was looking for a gift for my aunt. There was an H&M purse that caught my eye and it was so pretty, but way above my budget. I decided to get it anyway because that aunt throws amazing Christmas parties over the years and gives us lots of money, so I thought it could would be my way of giving back (especially since her company got hit hard by Covid). Once I got to the cashier the register showed it was like 60% off, even though there were no stickers on it and there was zero promotion anywhere in the store.

8 - What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? I don’t drink milk, but I’m able to consume it in other dishes. I haven’t tried any types other than whole milk.

9 - Do you prefer blonde hair or brunette hair on your preferred sex? I don’t have preferences when it comes to hair color. We’re not really conditioned to consider this factor, since Filipinos have black hair.

10 - Would you be embarrassed to own the same clothing as one of your parents? No. I borrow stuff from my mom all the time. My sister also borrows some of my dad’s t-shirts, at least the ones that can fit her.

11 - When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? Like...a gown? I’m not too sure. It must’ve been Alena’s debut three years ago since that’s the last fancy party I went to.

12 - Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? I like dressing up and making myself look cute, but dressing up formally not so much.

13 - What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? Personally, underdressed. I’d rather look too prepared than looking as if I didn’t care to look decent for whatever event I’m headed to.

14 - What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Not having any options or activities to do.

15 -  Have you ever owned an unusual or exotic pet? Would you want to? Nope. I would not want to have one. Unusual pet is just a euphemism for animals that shouldn’t be pets.

16 - How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? I was 5 and had to learn it for a test in kindergarten.

17 - Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? Sure, it makes me feel festive :)

18 - Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-through? These days it’s more wise to use the drive-thru, but to be frank I’ve missed dining in. I would opt for the restaurant but make sure to follow safety protocols in the area.

19 - Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? I’ve actually always found trips to the dentist soothing, even as a kid. The only time I ever really freaked out was when I went last year to have a tooth removed and I was told that I needed an anaesthesia shot on my gums; even then, I didn’t even feel anything when it finally happened.

20 - Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? Maybe? My cousins and friends and I doodled on each other a lot as kids.

21 - When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I’ve never been to one and idk if I can go to one.

22 - Do you bite your nails? Could you physically bite your toenails if you stretched enough? Sometimes I’ll gnaw at my nails and then scrape them off. I’ve found it more satisfying than biting them all the way off. I could definitely bite my toenails, but I choose not to.

23 - How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? It wasssssss 2010, so I was 11 at the time. Nah, I deactivated that blog only after a year of using it and then I shifted to a wrestling blog.

24 - Are you a fan of practical jokes? If I’m watching celebrities pull it on another celebrities, yeah. Most of the time I get anxious that the recipient would react negatively, so I don’t watch a lot of pranks.

25 - How many years older and younger than you would you consider dating? Is this a concrete thing or would you make an exception for the right person? It will still depend on the latter condition, of course; but theoretically I would like to keep seeing people my exact age. No more and no less than the year 1998. Growing up with relatives in such close age to me makes me feel like I’d be dating an older cousin if it was someone a year older, and my sister if it was someone a year younger.

26 - Who did you vote for in the last US elections? If you’re not in the US, who would you have voted for? I don’t live in the US; I would have voted for Biden.

27 - Are you a fan of reddit? What are some of your favourite subreddits? Sure. I don’t visit it as much as I used to, but I still go on there when I’m bored and in need of entertaining or educational content. r/AskReddit is a classic fave of mine, but I also go on r/interestingasfuck, r/todayilearned, r/mildlyinteresting, r/dataisbeautiful, r/SquaredCircle, and r/goodmythicalmorning. Sometimes I’ll visit the r/AmItheAsshole sub as well to have some fun lol.

28 - Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? Not those, but I’ve looked up earwax extractions and blackhead removals before.

29 - What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Chicken curry is probably my best example because I’m obsessed with all kinds of curry now, whether it’s Indian butter chicken, Thai green curry, or Japanese curry. I didn’t understand the complex flavors as a kid, but I’m got to appreciate more and more as I got older.

30 - Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Idk, I feel like all these choices are useful and convenient in their own different situations? I’m barefoot when I’m at home but put on socks when it’s chilly, and I wear shoes when I’m outdoors.

[megaderping]

Dealing with some anxiety over the past few weeks about some stuff I dealt with growing up that didn’t fully sink in until just now. It is very personal. It is also very heavy. If you decide to read, please keep in mind that this deals with some pretty heavy baggage, including... Trigger Warnings: CSA, Incest, Abuse, Bullying, Ableism, Trauma, Aphobia, Homophobia Because this is a personal rant, I’d rather avoid reblogs. Thank you for understanding.

So. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time with one of my cousins. She was a good 6 - 8 years older than me. At the time, I looked up to her. I thought she was cool and smart. I trusted her. Because I was so young, I didn’t think it weird that she described french kissing to me in great detail. I never told an adult. I was too young to know that this was not okay. This wasn’t even the last time, though. When I was in first grade, she was so eager to show and describe matters related to being a teenage girl and the changes therein. I won’t go into great detail- but the way she demonstrated this... It was definitely hands on. What bothers me is that at the time, it didn’t hit me that THIS wasn’t okay either. I didn’t tell an adult because I didn’t know I was supposed to. That this was sexual abuse. She did some things with me that- it only happened once, but it REALLY, fundamentally bothers me that my longterm reaction to this was... desensitization. Maybe that’s a form of trauma in itself? I dunno. But I was able to move on eventually when she wasn’t in my life anymore. Sometimes I tell myself I shouldn’t hold it against her because she was a teenager at the time with her own issues, but... I dunno. I didn’t talk about this with anyone. I didn’t really think about it, save for once in a blue moon when I was in high school and I was like, “...maybe that was messed up.” But if you asked me at the time, I would’ve said I was okay. But I’m honestly not sure if I was. I was bullied throughout my entire public schooling. People would punch me. They’d call me names. They’d make fun of me for liking cartoons and video games and come up to me with the most ableistic voices demanding I “draw them pokaymanz”. I was the one who had to go to the school councilor for being a problem. They didn’t get in trouble. In high school, I would go out into the pod to try and study and work on assignments because the very same people who had bullied me in grade school would not SHUT UP when we were supposed to be doing assigned reading. They were not punished. Nobody stepped in when I raised concerns- the best I got was permission to distance myself. I remember sitting on the bus one day in high school, minding my own business when these girls in the seat in front of me started making fun of my name. They started making fun of my appearance. The bus driver never stepped in. I got off the bus in tears. And this was hardly the first time. This was a problem from grade school ‘til graduation. 12 - 13 years of this. Sometimes when I’m at work, trying to do my JOB, my mind will go back to something a classmate said, something a classmate DID, and I’ll lose my focus. It’ll bring me to tears even though I SHOULD be over it by now. And this has always happened to me. People talking behind my back. Spreading rumors. Going to OTHERS to deal with their problems with me instead of talking to me because apparently human decency is too much to ask. People would spread rumors that I “pooped on the playground”. They’d say I liked to sneak into the boys’ bathroom. When I was in first grade, someone shoved a leaf up my nose. I still remember that, too. I remember being told by people I considered friends that we couldn’t be friends anymore because they had new friends who didn’t like me. I remember people being cruel. A lack of understanding. It turned me into a wallflower over time because I was scared to make connections and for a time I dealt with it by being cold and abrasive because I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I remember being asked on a school trip, “Were you ever diagnosed with anything?” OUT OF NOWHERE. To this day, I wonder about that... And I don’t know if I should seek diagnosis. I probably should? I definitely need a therapist, that way I can talk this stuff out with a professional instead of rambling on a blog post just to try and calm down from a random anxiety attack. I remember classmates and chaperones resenting the fact that I got left behind on that trip because I didn’t want to jaywalk. So I had to get help from some local cops who set me up with a cab back to the hotel because I was lost and nobody thought to look if I was left behind. People would talk down to me all the time, too. Treat me like a child. And why? Because I liked cartoons? Because I’m asexual and aromantic? GOD. I remember classmates in middle school were SO OFFENDED by my asexuality, too. I recall this one girl being like, “you better get a boyfriend or people might think you’re a ~lesbian~”. ...okay, first of all. What if I was? I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m not- I don’t really feel that kinda attraction to anyone. But. There is NOTHING wrong with being gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, NB, etc, etc. THESE PEOPLE EXIST. People who are not straight and/or cis exist. And also, thirteen year olds acting like they NEED to rush into relationships... That’s. Extremely concerning to me. It always was. But I guess I was just... desensitized over time because of how sexualized the climate was during those days. And it wasn’t just at school.

I have a long history of RPing. When I was in middle school, I was basically pressured into RPing a nsfw situation by some castmates. I should have said no, but I was scared to. And I think, ultimately, that also led to me being desensitized. Because that stuff was everywhere. These were RPs with young teenagers AND adults as players and nobody put their foot down and said, “hey, maybe DON’T RP nsfw in a space with minors”. Nobody said LOCK those posts. Tag them nsfw. It was just there. Out in the open. I was fourteen. And I’m not here to say that all NSFW content is inherently bad or that every adult should constantly be monitoring every space. Internet strangers are not babysitters. I get that. But I do think it’s a problem when communities full of young teens AND adults are too lax on the former’s access to 18+ content. Because there’s a difference between someone ignoring age restrictions and warnings and accidentally coming across content or being pressured to participate in such content. Now. Over time, people wised up. Many of these communities DID eventually lock that stuff to 18+. But a lot of open meme and sandbox communities did not. There were posts that’d devolve into smut on a regular basis that weren’t tagged or properly warned. But because I’d been exposed to this kinda stuff for so many years- it didn’t hit me that there was a lack of moderation. I was taught that it just comes with the territory because “this is the internet.” So for a long time, I just... accepted that. “It’s the internet.” Even within the past few years, I held onto that mindset because... it was just. What I was used to. I didn’t like it, but I assumed that was just... how things go and to express otherwise was pointless. I still don’t condone online harassment and I do think people will take properly tagged fandom content way too far (even if I disagree WITH said content)- but this isn’t ABOUT that. Because properly tagged content establishes the boundaries that were so wholly lacking in these spaces. And the fact is, I don’t LIKE that I am/was desensitized. Because the truth is, I didn’t LIKE any of it. I didn’t like the scenario I was coerced into as a young teen through RP. I didn’t like how easy it was to just... stumble upon NSFW content on accident. It’s just... I dunno. I just don’t know, and I hate that I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t let it get to me. It’s just online stuff that happened ten to twelve years ago, right? It’s nowhere near as serious as the actual sexual abuse and the actual bullying... but I think it still affected me. And just like with my cousin before, I didn’t really... talk to anyone about it? It was a very different fandom climate. The early to late 2000′s were very different. And I think just... it bothers me. That it took this long for me to realize that maybe this stuff affected me after all. Like. I’m a CSA survivor and it only JUST now clicked that I am? What’s up with that? Like. I don’t know. I need a therapist. I think I’ve needed one for years given how often I fall victim to invasive thoughts, how often I get too scared to speak my mind, how eager I am to please EVERYONE and thus it is SO hard for me to confront people when I am upset or draw the line. I’m constantly worrying about hurting or upsetting people so sometimes I guess I’m cowardly. Because I guess it’s a coping mechanism I’ve developed? Just... avoiding. Turning a blind eye. That’s probably not okay either. But I think the root of it all really is just from my childhood. How going to adults when I was bullied or abused never seemed to DO anything. So maybe I just developed a worst case scenario mindset. I just don’t know, so that’s why I need some help. So I can just... work this all out. I guess a part of me is just a little scared. And that’s stupid. Why should I be scared of something that can only HELP me? Ranting on tumblr can only do so much. But for now, just getting it off my chest is the best I can do. It’s a start, anyway.

[starlling-writes]

Turn Around

- Neutral Human x Neutral Monster (not really romantic, but some suggestions of it) - Dark-ish fantasy - 3,700 words - Teen [PG-13] - Contains: swearing; mild instances of violence; mild suggestive themes; ambiguous ending – potential suicidal interpretation; trypophobia mention (when you read the line, “Tonight we were watching a random monster B-movie,” skip to the next paragraph to avoid the description) - Inspired by this prompt [pictured below] from @write-it-motherfuckers​ - Writing Masterlist

My first memory of the rule was when I was a toddler and my parents were teaching me how to turn around. If I turned to the side, I just had to keep my focus straight ahead. If I turned more than ninety degrees, then I had to close my eyes, turn, and only when I was facing the direction I needed to go could I open my eyes again.

Back then it didn’t seem an odd thing to specifically teach a child. I was an infant—incapable of the cognition to ask such questions. But they taught me that I couldn’t carelessly turn around. They taught me it was rude and wrong to just glance over my shoulder.

Just before my fifth birthday, my parents were dead strict about one rule: I must never look behind me. It’s a matter of life and death, they’d lecture but never explained any more than that. I could still look in mirrors and use cameras and such. It was only direct observation behind myself that I couldn’t do.

They tested me, calling to me from behind on the days leading up to my birthday. But by then their teachings were so ingrained in me. It instantly became clear how serious I needed to treat this after I turned five. It also radically changed the kind of childhood I led.

My next day back at kindergarten was a disaster. Half the other kids started screaming, crying when I entered the classroom. No one would come close to me. The teacher did her best to calm them but it’s hard to sooth children when you yourself are so obviously unnerved and weary.

My parents started homeschooling me then.

It wasn’t all bad. For first grade, they set up a special stream of the classroom for me. It was almost like I was there. I could see everyone; they could see me on a screen. And no one screamed. They asked if I was a robot—I was just a face on screen and a voice over speakers—but they weren’t afraid of me. For classes like gym and art, special teachers came to our home.

It was lonely, never having anyone to play with now. But I favored the solitude to their cries.

To my parents’ chagrins, I became numb to everyone’s reactions rather quickly. It was only ever an issue around younger kids anyways. Most older children and adults could control themselves and keep their reactions to looks and quick excuses to leave.

As a teenager, I got cocky about whatever it was that everyone saw behind me. I pushed the boundaries of everything. I stayed out late and walked home alone. I snuck into concerts I was too young for. Every situation that I should have feared being in, I sought out. No one ever messed with me; and that gave me a small invincibility complex.

When I was seventeen, I finally had my first experience in love. I was at some horror punk show and this guy kept looking over at me all night and smiling. It was weird, but it was a nice change from the looks of fright and aversion. When the bands were switching out he approached me and started flirting with me. I was so taken aback that someone was showing interest in me that I didn’t give any thought about if I was actually attracted to him—I wasn’t in a position to be picky. We talked and danced all night. After the event closed, we loitered in the parking lot. He even kissed me.

It was the best night of my life. But then he asked me something that was… just wrong.

“So uh, did you sell your soul to that thing or something?”

“What?”

“That freaky thing behind you,” he gestured around me. “Have you ever killed someone with it?”

It became quickly clear that he wasn’t interested in me at all. I thought I had noticed his gaze drifting behind me throughout the night; but I had written it off as him enjoying the event. The questions became more invasive as I fumbled around noncommittal answers.

Then he got aggressive. Being even less accustomed to physical contact with people, I flipped out. I screamed and shut my eyes and flailed. I fell on the ground and scurried until I felt grass. I got up and looked back at where the asshole and I had been talking. He was lying prone on the ground. Silent. Unmoving. Half of me wanted to see what happened to him. The other half wanted to run home and forget I ever met him.

The latter side won.

Back home, I crept into the bathroom. I stripped to my underwear and braced my hands on either side of the sink, doing my best to calm down. It was stupid to think someone had genuine interest in me. I glared at my reflection. Like always, I saw nothing behind me. “The fucking hell are you?” I mumbled aloud.

If you want to know so badly, look and see.

I jumped back and almost, almost, looked over my shoulder at the sudden new voice. It could speak? It was sentient? My heart was thundering like a herd of wild mustangs. All this time I could talk to it. Why had my parents never mentioned that? It took me a minute to find my ability to speak. “What… what’s your name?”

It chuckled impishly, the sound moving from my right side to my left. So many years, and now you ask?

“I didn’t know I could talk to you,” I defended. “You’ve been with me most my life; you should know I haven’t been told anything about you even when I asked.”

It simply hummed affirmatively.

“What will happen if I look at you?” I wasn’t expecting to get an answer but I had to ask.

Turn and find out.

As I figured. Now that my shock subsided, I turned on the faucet. “Why are you following me?” I splashed water on my face as I waited for its answer, but I didn’t receive one. I patted my face dry then went to my room. “Am I cursed?”

—“Did my parents make a deal with a demon or something?”

—“Do you hate having to follow me?”

—“How old are you?

Each question I came up with was met with silence. It was a jerk move considering the thing gave my crap not even five minutes ago for never talking to it before. I grabbed a pillow off my bed and chucked it behind me. It let out a single snort. I sighed in defeat and curled up on the window seat, staring out at the view I’d grown to hate over the years.

“Are you lonely too?”

Just when I thought I’d still get only silence, it responded. At times.

It was a bit weird, but I was happy to hear its answer. Then an urge came over me. It had been so long since I had a connection with someone—I was not counting tonight with that creep. Maybe, just maybe, we could at least be friendlier. “What would you like me to call you?”

Why are you persistent to learn about me?

“Why not?” I shrugged. “We’re stuck together. You’ve had no choice in learning things about me. And I doubt you get an opportunity to chat with other… whatever you are.”

It—they? I didn’t know how to address it/them—was silent again. What did it say that even the monster that followed me didn’t want to be my friend? I shut my eyes and started playing music in my mind.

Zastrozuth.

 From that night on, Zastrozuth and I grew closer. They weren’t the most talkative, but neither was I. Now their presence held a level of comfort. And when I moved away from home, I didn’t feel lonely.

Zas was great at helping me hang things straight. They also helped me when I was too indecisive to make a choice on dinner, or on my outfit. While we only had little moments like this, they were the deepest connections I had ever had. I cherished them.

Perhaps a bit too much, as the years went on.

It was a rainy, autumn evening. I was home watching movies with Zas. Tonight we were watching a random monster B-movie. The FX makeup was pretty on point, which made me cringe and gag a bit when a trypophobic’s nightmare showed up oozing slime out of its many holes. I didn’t have that phobia but this thing—yeesh! Anyone would be creeped out by it.

While imagining what touching that monster would feel like, my thoughts ended up drifting to Zas. What did they feel like? Were they furry, or scaly, or slimy? I wasn’t even sure if they had a physical form. Presumably, they were a phantom following behind me; but that doesn’t mean they were always like that.

“Can I touch you?” I absently asked before I could stop myself. The moment the words left my lips I cringed and clarified, “Like, if I reached behind me right now—would I feel you?”

No.

“Oh.” I should have guessed. But like with all the questions I had about Zas, I had to ask—my curiosity about them was unrelenting.

Then they asked, Do you want to touch me?

Heat rose to my cheeks. The way they said it just sent my mind straying towards red lights. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I defended.

Like what?

Nope. I was not playing that game. They might not be able to control the way their voice made the words sound, but they’d been in this world long enough to understand the implications of their wording. Maybe it was my lack of human interaction that made it feel… intimate. Regardless, the idea joined the many curiosities I had about Zas.

This was not how movie night was supposed to go!

“Never mind,” I said, no longer wanting to be in this conversation. “It was just a random question that came to mind.” I shouldn’t have asked. I adjusted and snuggled deeper into the couch cushion. This movie was failing to grab my attention anymore.

I can ask.

“Huh?”

While you sleep. I can ask if there is a way.

“Oh. Um… Sure, I guess. You don’t have to, but it’s up to you,” I floundered. So many more questions flooded my mind. But I kept them all to myself. As much as I wanted to learn more, I would never know much about Zastrozuth. It was for the best. Probably.

When I woke up the next morning, I already wanted it to be over. “Morning, Zas,” I yawned.

You did not rest well.

“Nope.” My straying thoughts had kept me awake for hours. Then I had unnerving dreams that I couldn’t remember the details of now but left a haunting impression. It didn’t help when I remembered what we had talked about last night. I stretched then curled back up on my side, tugging my blanket up to my chin. I didn’t expect to feel this anxious. “Any news?”

It could be done. But it would require manifesting on your plane.

“And what would that mean exactly?”

I’m unaware if I’ll be able to demanifest afterwards. If I can’t, you’d see me in mirrors and cameras.

“Would… would that trigger the thing? If I saw you that way—would that still count?”

I am unaware.

“I see.” So either things could stay how they are, or I could give up mirrors and selfies so I could touch them. Then I realized something else. “Would it be difficult for you to follow me if you manifested?”

There was a pause before they answered.

It would be an adjustment.

“So yes,” I sighed. I sat up and scratched my head, frustrated by this decision. I kicked off my blanket and started to get ready for the day.

This would be a major decision.

Zas didn’t bring it up again, but it weighed heavy on my mind the rest of the morning. I tried to push it from my thoughts but it would creep back up. “What do you think?” I suddenly asked them.

Think of what?

“About the manifesting thing. Is it even something you’d want?”

They took their time thinking it over then finally exhaled in a frustrated, overthinking manner. I am not sure.

“Well if it’s something that you don’t want, I’m not going to ask it of you. If you ever decided that you’d like to, then we can talk about it more then. Sound good?”

Their gentle breath on my neck made me shiver. It wasn’t often they were close enough for me to feel their presence. You’re an odd human.

“You’re only noticing this now?” I snickered. Their answering growl made me laugh more.

A few years later, I found a cheap, little house in the middle of nowhere to rent. It was ironic that I sought such solitude now when I had despised it as a kid. But this solitude was different. This house was mine. In this space, I had no worries. Unlike with my previous apartments, I didn’t have neighbors—no one around to side-eye me. This solitude was freedom.

On a gorgeous, sunny day, I decided to venture down to the lake that was a short bike ride away. A couple of the locals had houses along its perimeter but they were spaced out enough that I didn’t feel worried about anyone seeing and bothering Zas and me. The water was still on the nippy side but I swam anyway—or rather, awkwardly doggy-paddled since I never had lessons.

Swimming didn’t last long. Between my lack of athleticism and the chilly waters, I soon retreated to my towel on the shore. “Hey, Zas?” I asked while sunning myself.

Yes?

“Do you ever think about that one question I had asked?”

Be specific or I will eat you.

I snorted, unfazed by their dark humor. “About touching,” I said. The creepy feel of seaweed brushing my legs when I was swimming brought my train of thought back to that question. I wiggled my toes in the sand while I waited for their answer.

A time or two.

“And your thoughts?” I cautiously asked.

This wasn’t the first time I had thought about it since the night I asked. I wouldn’t admit it, but it was partially why I moved here; why I didn’t have stainless steel appliances; why the bathroom mirror was the only one in the house. It was all in case Zas manifested and reflections of them now triggered the spell between us.

Do… you still desire it?

I was not ready for that, so I deflected. “That’s not an answer.”

They gruffly sighed. The longer they didn’t answer, the more I wished I hadn’t brought it up. Then…

Say the word.

A shiver pulsed through me. Was this really happening? This precipice we now danced on made my heart thunder in my ears. I took a deep breath to try to calm it. “Do it.”

The gentle breeze that had been dancing around us swelled into a dizzying gust. For a moment, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I shut my eyes and waited.

The wind stilled. I could feel Zas’s shadow over me, blocking the sun from my back. Their breath ruffled my hair. I reached my hand slightly behind me, my fingers splayed.

They took my hand.

It was foolish how giddy it made me feel. Then again, I was touched starved for nearly all my life. Whatever this was probably wouldn’t be healthy under normal circumstances. But my life, and our relationship, was far from it.

“How does it feel?”

Strange. But… not in a bad way.

That night, I slept curled in their large arms.

Exactly eight days later, the first incident occurred. Zas and I were walking to get the mail. I didn’t notice anything, but when they told me to stop, I did.

Close your eyes. Don’t open them until I tell you.

Again, I obeyed without question. My anxiety rocketed as I strained to hear something, anything, that could give me a clue to what was going on. Nothing. There was nothing for so long. “Zas?” I whispered.

No answer.

Panic began settling in. Did they leave me? What was happening? What if something happened to them? My chest tightened as endless questions rushed through my mind. I feared the worse. It was tempting to open my eyes, but I kept them such as Zas ordered. I had to have faith in them. I had to…

Heavy panting rumbled behind me, making me jump. For all my desire to hear anything again, I wasn’t thrilled with getting my wish now. Something thick squelched on the ground—drool? Blood? Something more unsettling? I trembled with each vicious breath I heard.

You may look now.

The breath I was holding shuddered out of me. “What happened? You sound hurt.”

It was a moment before they answered, as if they needed to muster the strength to talk. Some creatures… reavers, appeared. I have dealt with them.

“You’ve never mentioned them before.”

They’ve never been around before.

“Why now?—oh…” The moment I asked, the obvious answer popped in my head. Zas was corporeal. I cleared my throat. “So this is one of the consequences, huh?”

There might be another reason. However, that seems the likeliest case.

“And let me guess—there’s no way to stop them from coming?”

No.

“Fuckin’ great,” I muttered, then continued on with the original reason we were out here. I hated the thought of Zas needing to fight off creatures for me. It trudged up all the guilt I’ve felt about asking them to manifest. What else was going to happen now?

In the coming days and nights, more creatures were drawn to us. Zas took care of them all. Horrors plagued my dreams and I’d scream myself awake. Zas held and calmed me until I could sleep again. I started jumping at little sounds. Silence was equally unnerving. Zas did what they could to settle my nerves, but the bit of peace never lasted.

After a few months of this, I had had enough. Then I came up with a plan.

I called up my parents. It had been a bit since we last caught up. I told them all about the house and how I loved being out here. I left out Zas becoming physical, and the other creatures now drawn to us. They would only worried.

“So um—I called because I need you guys to come watch my house for a bit. Can you do that?”

“I have to request off,” mom slowly started, notably concerned. “But sure. We can do that honey.”

“Thanks. Just let me know when you can make it and I can get everything ready.”

Mom dragged the conversation out long enough that, after I hung up, I groaned and face-planted onto the couch.

If talking to your parents is so exhausting, why invite them here?

“Like I said on the phone—I need them to watch the house.”

And why is that?

“You’ll see,” I chirped. It was a surprise. One that even I wasn’t sure how would play out.

 I waited outside on the day my parents were to arrive. The late-summer sun blazed overhead, though the winds of a coming storm blew softly through the trees. Hopefully my parents would get here before it hit.

I drummed my fingers on the hood of my car. It had been years since my parents last saw me—saw Zas. How would they react now? Hopefully, they wouldn’t notice they’re physical. That was why I waited by my car, so Zas could already be inside, prepared to go.

When they arrived, Mom talked a bunch while Dad remained mostly silent. He kept glancing at Zas—could he tell? Mom, on the other hand, seemed to avoid looking at Zas and me all together. At least neither of them tried to fake that things were better than they were.

To everyone’s relief, I didn’t draw the moment out. I said my goodbyes, got in my car and drove off towards town.

But, I never made it to town.

Halfway down to the main road, I pulled over next to a field. Without a word to Zas, I got out and walked into the tall grass. Closing my eyes, I turned my face up to the sky and spun around in a couple circles. I soaked in the moment. “I’m ready,” I murmured.

For?

I opened my eyes and gazed at the pure blue sky striated by thin, wispy clouds. I couldn’t have asked for a more poetically beautiful day. I reached back until my hand found theirs, our fingers naturally entwining. “To look.”

There was a long pause. Are you sure?

“Yes.” I explained all my thoughts from over the past few months; about the letter I left my parents telling them about my decision. That was the real reason I asked them to come. Since I didn’t know what was going to happen, I left my keys there and the details for my personal accounts just in case. It had been a challenge to arrange everything without tipping Zas off to my plan. I didn’t think they would try to dissuade me, per se. But this… this wasn’t something I had wanted any input on.

“So since I’m going to look at you, can you tell me what’s going to happen?”

They chuckled. No.

I shrugged. “Worth a shot.” I took a long, steadying breath. “If this is my last moment, I just wanna say that I’ve enjoyed our time together.”

Me too, little one.

I felt their touch brush my arm. The butterflies I had settled. The things I feared all my life no longer worried me. After everything we had been through, I trusted them.

I turned around and looked at Zastrozuth.

— — —

Masterlist

[our-smooty]

We’re Doing Fine

Fandom: Gorillaz

Rating: Teen

Relationships: 2AceDoc

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred

Summary: Sometimes Ace felt like he was at a disadvantage in their relationship. Murdoc and 2D had so much history… so much time together. Sure, not all of it was good, in fact, a lot of it was pretty shit, but they still had in-jokes and stories to look back on. Ace had barely known Murdoc back in the day. They’d partied a bit and hung around with the same crowd but nothing big. And he’d only met 2D when he came to play bass for Gorillaz. It just wasn’t the same.

Sometimes Ace felt like he was at a disadvantage in their relationship. Murdoc and 2D had so much history… so much time together. Sure, not all of it was good, in fact, a lot of it was pretty shit, but they still had in-jokes and stories to look back on. Ace had barely known Murdoc back in the day. They’d partied a bit and hung around with the same crowd but nothing big. And he’d only met 2D when he came to play bass for Gorillaz. It just wasn’t the same.

Not that the other two made him feel that way on purpose. They had plenty of inside jokes between the three of them now, and Murdoc loved nothing more than to regale the younger bassist with stories about his various escapades. 2D always made sure to include Ace in their lives, even if he wasn’t technically part of Gorillaz anymore, and Ace appreciated that. It was just… well… sometimes he felt like a third wheel, despite all that.

Ace was laying on his bed, in his room in Spirit House--yes, he did still have his own room, even if they were all sleeping together most of the time--acting like a total sad-sack. 2D and Murdoc had gone out to do an interview with the rest of the band and while Ace had been invited he didn’t really feel up to pretending he wasn’t completely out of his element for hours while they all talked. So he’d stayed home with the intention of getting some alone time, but after a couple of hours alone time turned into over-thinking, and over-thinking turned into moping and now here he was, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling feeling like a complete waste of space.

He didn’t really have a place here anymore, did he? Murdoc was back, and the band was taking a break. There was no need for him to be skulking around the house like some sort of bad smell. Really, 2D and Murdoc were probably just being nice, letting him stick around. They already had each other, so why did they need him?

Ace heard the front door open and close as the band arrived home. He could hear Noodle and 2D talking loudly about a dog they’d seen on the drive home, coupled with Russel and Murdoc occasionally chiming in. There was the sound of shoes being tossed aside and then the sound of the fridge opening from the kitchen. Ace wondered if they’d gone out to eat without him after the interview; Russel had said he wanted Ace to show him his chilli recipe tonight, but it was always possible he forgot. Feeling even more left out, Ace rolled onto his side facing the wall, curling his knees up to his chest. Did they even know he was still home? Did it matter?

The heavy clunk of boots sounded outside his room, the tell-tail signs of Murdoc wheezing his way up the stairs. They were followed by a quieter, loping step that had to be 2D, judging from the number of times the footsteps stumbled. Ace listened as they both went into Murdoc’s room and felt his heart clench as his fears were validated. They weren’t even going to see if he was home, they probably forgot he was here at all, they--

Ace heard his phone buzz from somewhere in his comforter. He found it, half under the pillow where he’d tossed it. He swiped through the various Twitter and Tumblr notifications to see he had a text from 2D, asking where he was. There were a few other too, a text from Noodle with a funny cat picture attached, a picture of the band standing beside the person who must have interviewed them from Russel. Ace scrolled through their messages, reading and rereading them multiple times. It made him feel a little better, a little more connected. They were his friends, his lovers. They did care, didn’t they?

There was a knock on his bedroom door, followed by the squeak of its hinges as whoever was there peaked inside without waiting. It was 2D, of course, the singer never did really get the hang of most social niceties. Ace looked over from where he was curled up on the bed and offered a small, tired wave. “Hey D, sorry I didn’t answer your text.”

2D walked into the room fully, closing the door behind him. Ace watched him take in the scene, the dark room, the bassist’s messy hair, and the fact that he still hadn’t changed out of his pyjamas form the night before. He knew he looked like a mess, and it only made him feel worse.

“Hey, Acey. It’s pretty dark in here,” the singer said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached out and ran a hand through Ace’s greasy hair, wrinkling his nose a bit. “You need a shower, babe.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Ace didn’t know what else to say, he knew he was disgusting. Normally he was all about his appearance but he just wasn’t feeling it today. Or yesterday. Or for the last week.

“No, it’s fine. Murdoc’s worse most of the time.” Stu was smiling a little, obviously hoping to get a laugh out of the other. When Ace just nodded and continued to lay on the bed, 2D frowned. “Are you alrigh’ Ace?”

This was so stupid. Ace was being stupid, feeling sorry for himself, acting like a needy child. “Y-yeah, I’m good. How was your interview?” he could feel 2D’s eyes on him still and hoped his question was enough to derail the singer.

“Not too bad, you know. Business as usual. Murdoc said some stupid shit, Russel told him to shut up, and I even got a chance to talk about Madge!” God Stu was adorable, waving his hands around and getting all excited. Ace rolled over to face the singer, wanting to watch him as he rambled. 2D smiled again. “What did you do today?”

That was probably the worst question the singer could have asked. “Uh, you know, nothing much.” Stu’s frown was back as he took a second to really look over Ace, his bedroom, and the way the other man was curled up on the bed.

“You’ve been in bed all day, haven’t you?” he asked quietly, taking one of Ace’s hands into his. “Ace you coulda said you weren’t feelin’ good…”

“I’m fine,” Ace insisited, sitting up. It took a lot more effort than he expected. “I-I didn’t want to bug you guys with my stupid problems.”

2D dropped the bassist’s hand to grab his own phone, sending off a quick text before pulling Ace into a hug. “Are you sick? You’re my boyfriend, your problems are important t’me.”

Ace let himself be held, closing his eyes. What had he done to deserve an angle like Stu as his boyfriend? “M’not sick, I’m just not feelin’ good today.” Or yesterday, or for the last week. It’d ben a while since he really felt like himself, but hey, it happens. Ace had made it through this type of thing before, he could do it again.

“Why?” 2D asked. Ace didn’t answer and the singer held him tighter, obviously getting himself worked up. This was exactly why he hadn’t said anything; he didn’t want 2D getting upset over nothing. Ace was about to try and reassure him when there was another knock at the door. This time, Murdoc walked in, again forgoing any thought of manners. The older bassist took one look at the scene in front of him and sat on the bed opposite Stu, leaning against Ace.

“What’s goin’ on then. 2D texted me sayin’ you’ve been in bed all day. And you didn’t come to say hello. Is that any way to treat your boyfriends?” Murdoc asked. Ace stiffened in Stu’s hold, sure that Murdoc was upset with him.

“Sorry Muds,” he whispered into 2D’s shoulder. He was ruining their night with his stupid feelings and his insecurities. As usual.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Ace,” 2D answered, tightening his grip. “Murdoc wasn’t saying you did anything wrong.” 2D shot Murdoc a little bit of a glare over the younger bassist's head. Luckily Murdoc caught on pretty quick, slinging an arm around Ace and resting his head on top of the others.

“It’s fine, love, I was jokin’.” Murdoc asked, running his calloused fingers up and down against Ace’s wrist. Ace closed his eyes and leaned into their arms despite his self-hatred. He was selfish like that and he hated it. It was nearly impossible to resist when the other two always gave in so willingly

“What’s wrong, Acey?” 2D asked. Ace squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his face harder into Stu’s shoulder.

“I-it’s stupid,” he said, voice cracking. Beside him Murdoc hummed, nuzzling Ace’s hair. Stu shook his head and places a soft kiss on his forehead.

“S’not stupid if it’s makin’ you upset,” the singer insisted. Murdoc nodded as well and it gave Ace the confidence to finally tell them.

“It’s just… You guys don’t need me.” It sounded so stupid when he said it out loud. “You’re famous, and Murdoc’s back, s-so why am I even here?” Oh great, now he was crying. Tears ran down his face and onto 2D’s shirt as he began to shudder. “I-I’m nothing s-special, just a guy who c-can kinda play b-b--”

The tears overwhelmed him to the point he couldn’t get out the rest, but he’d said enough for 2D and Murdoc to figure out the gist of it. Ace began to sob, all the feelings he’d been working so hard to keep back running up and out in a violent rush. Maybe he’d been feeling this way for longer than he’d realized.

2D and Murdoc shared a shocked look as Ace began to crumble. 2D tried to hold Ace tighter, running a hand through his hair over and over again in a desperate bid to comfort him. Murdoc, who was never the best in these types of situations, did his best to shush the younger bassist, humming random bits of music.

“Ace, Ace love,” 2D said quietly. “You’re so special, to me and to Murdoc.”

“You’re a right diamond in the rough,” Murdoc agreed. Ace shook his head and continued to sob.

“N-no, j-just a g-gangster, a B-list a-actor,” Ace stuttered brokenly. “You d-don’t need m-me.”

Sensing this was more serious than a bad day, Murdoc rearranged them so he was laying down, Ace’s back against his chest. 2D took the hint and lay on his side, still cradling the younger bassist’s head against his shoulder. Ace let them move him about, unable to do much more than clutch onto 2D’s shirt and cry. It felt like every negative though he had about himself was brawling their way out of him at once, leaving him helpless.

“We love you Ace. An’ not just us but Noodle and Russel too. You’re a part of Gorillaz,” 2D said lowly.

“You’re a smashin’ bassist too,” Murdoc added gruffly. “Not as good as me but…”

“Murdoc!” 2D swatted at the Satanist with the hand not running through Ace’s hair, hitting him on the shoulder. Murdoc made a big show of moaning and whining.

“Ouch! Stu, that hurt!”

“Quit whining you baby, Ace is cryin’!” He was, but not as much as before. Little hiccups and sniffles were still forcing their way out of him, but focusing on his boyfriend's antics definitely helped. But he still felt like a third wheel, listening to them banter back and forth.

“It’s ok. I know M-Murdoc’s just an asshole,” he said, giving 2D the tiniest of smiles. The singer beamed back even as Murdoc squawked in protest. “I’m sorry for getting your shirt all wet Stu. And for ruining your afternoon.”

“Stop apologizing you git,” Murdoc growled, wrapping his arms around Ace’s middle and pulling him back as close as possible. “You’re always tellin’ me to go easier on myself, so I’m gonna say the same t’you right now.”

“Yeah. We aren’t lying when we say we love you, Acey.” Ace wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve and looked up at the other two with red-rimmed eyes.

“But you don’t need me. You’ve got each other, and the band. I’m just extra, taking up space…” There, he’d finally said it. He watched as 2D’s eyes went wide and Murdoc’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. They were obviously upset at him.

“No! Ace, darlin’ no,” 2D replied, leaning forward to pepper his face with kisses. Behind him Murdoc was silent, his crushing grip on Ace’s ribs saying more than enough. “Ace you’re so important to us, to everyone.”

“But--” Murdoc cut him off immediately.

“Listen, you stupid American cause I don’t say this often,” Murdoc said quietly enough that even 2D could barely hear. “I fuckin’ love you, Stu loves you, and we want you here, with us. Got it?”

“Yeah...” Ace replied, just as quietly. He didn’t really believe it, but the say the bassists said it made him feel a little bit better. Like maybe he didn’t have to believe it, but they did and that’s what mattered. “I’m--”

“If you say you’re sorry again, I’ll start kissin’ you and I won’t stop!” 2D threatened. The absurdity of it forced a small laugh out of Ace. Murdoc snorted, nose pressed against the back of Ace’s neck.

“That’s not exactly a threat, D,” he said. 2D looked scandalized.

“I would never threaten Ace!” Between them, Ace felt himself smile wide. Murdoc and Stu bickered back and forth over who would get to kiss him first if he said it. It was silly, how they were acting like children but it also felt amazing to be argued over, to be wanted by both of them that much. He still felt pretty awful and out of place, but knowing 2D and Murdoc cared made it a little easier to deal with.

“Why don’t you both kiss me?” he said, bringing an end to their petty argument before things got too rocky. Murdoc grinned and laid a big--somewhat wet--kiss on his left cheek, while 2D gave him a gentle one on his right. In turn he gave them each a kiss on the lips before settling back against his pillow. 2D did the same, a dopey look on his face as he nuzzled closer to Ace. Behind him, Murdoc continued to stay pressed close, though he relaxed his grip around Ace’s waist. It looked like they weren’t letting him get out of this any time soon, so Ace closed his eyes, exhausted after a hard day.

[coldtomyflash]

Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^;  My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context? 

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there. 

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is - 

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words. 

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because - 

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it. 

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again. 

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because - 

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible. 

But - 

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice. 

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it! 

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space. 

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management - 

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs. 

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic. 

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help! 

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends! 

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops 

[devontabris]

Soul

You never did ‘fit in’ as they say. Dolls thrown aside in favour of your brother’s toy cars. That’s nothing unusual. You’re just a bit of a tomboy, they thought. Still, as you grow older, the workings of a girl’s or woman’s mind remain a mystery to you. Even when people explain the how’s and why’s, that way of thinking seems so alien, so foreign. When your body starts to change you don’t mind it too much, at first. But the more it changes, the more it annoys you and the more you start to hate this thing called puberty. It began as only some light bleeding. The repetition of that process begins to annoy you. The red flow slipping from between that hole between your legs is the most hateful feeling, worthy of being called a nightmare. Through the years cramps, pre-menstrual boob pain and general emotional bullshit getting out of whack made the experience even worse. It gets more uncomfortable the longer you’re forced to wear a bra. The straps become loose all the time. When you jump those damn growths on your chest won’t sit still and they draw attention, way too much attention. Seeing how boys looks at girls and their… Ugh, ‘assets’, makes you vow never to wear anything that exposes more than your collarbones. Not that you could stomach wearing something like that even if you’d want to. How can women bear to wear such revealing clothing? How can they not feel uncomfortable in them? How can they view those things as any kind of ‘asset’ at all? You wonder this sometimes. They say it makes them feel sexy, but you don’t understand any of it. Those words sound as though they’re speaking a language you don’t understand. A complex language. One you feel no passion for and thus won’t bother to learn. Mid to late teen years another frustration sets in full force. One that’s been brewing in the back of your mind for a while now. You find your own lack of physical strength vexing and are slowly becoming tired of feeling so weak. Always needing someone else to turn the lid of the jar. People offer to carry things for you and you refuse as much as possible. You wish to be thought of as strong, someone others can depend on. Not someone who needs help moving a few boxes or carrying a few books. You wanted your aunt to also ask you to help her move to her new place instead of just your brother. So you start working out. Maybe if you grow a bit of muscle you’ll stop feeling so weak and people will stop acting ‘gentlemanly’ towards you. It’s something you’ve always hated, but as an adult that sort of behaviour especially annoys you. You hate it when people attempt to treat you as the lady you’re not. They do it more and more now. Holding open a door, letting you enter first with that stupid ‘ladies first’ crap and pulling the chair back. You want to scream: “Stop doing that! I have hands of my own! I can do all this stuff. I’m not some weak helpless creature that needs taking care of all the time!” But for some reason that escapes you, you hold your tongue and settle for a scowl instead. They do this in spite of your short haircut which you’ve had since the year you turned seventeen, the men’s clothes that you embarrassingly had to buy at the boy’s section of the store because your body is not big enough and the sporty shoes you chose specifically because while they’re labelled ‘girl shoes’, they don’t look the part at all. They do it even as you refuse to walk like a runway model and always sit with your legs spread wide apart. They do it even as you make no effort to emphasize your chesticles and even try to de-emphasize them as much as possible. They do all those things and more regardless of how you present and it irritates the heck out of you. Shouldn’t there be a rule, you wonder, that says that when someone actively tries to look and act as unladylike as possible one should not treat them as a lady? Eventually, you find the word or maybe it found you. Transgender. Trans for short. You read the word on a random website the first time around and something inside yourself called out to it even if the definition, the stereotypes you read on that page didn’t entirely ‘fit’. Oh, so there is a name for this out of place feeling. You know there were people born in male bodies who then at some point choose to live as women. You  never knew the other way around also exists. That old documentary you watched a couple years back didn’t explain things nearly as well as it should have. You put the word in a search engine and look for more. Have to know. Need to know more. Suddenly, all those years of looking in the mirror, yet never seeing yourself made sense. How could you see the real you reflected when the shell, the package you’re wrapped up inside of, is wrong? If your body felt like a closed prison cell missing a lock and key before, then this is doubly true now. How do you get out? How do you shed this skin like a snake would to reveal the real you? How do you become who you were always meant to be? To change your life around so people see the correct shell standing in front of them. So they can stop making the wrong assumptions about who and what you are. It feels as though you’ve finally found a vital piece of the puzzle that had remained missing until now. You gather all the info you need. Where are you supposed to go to get this process started? What’s going to happen? What could happen? What could go right and what could go wrong? You take some time to figure out what exactly it is that you want and how to get it. You look up some videos to get inside knowledge of how this whole ‘transition’ process you’ve read so much about is supposed to go. Is the information on those websites still up to date, you ask yourself. The videos you watch of other trans men offer more than just information. Watching them gives you some comfort and courage that one day you could be at the same stage in transition as them. One day, you could be the one sitting there in front of a camera giving information and courage to others. You often contemplate coming out, but as freeing as the thought appears, it is twice as frightening. What if they don’t just react badly, but really badly? What if your parents throw you out of the house? What if several friend and family members insult the heck out of you then refuse to talk to you again and cut all ties? What if they’re disgusted by you, by the real you, just because you weren’t born with the correct parts attached? Just because the shape of your soul differs from the package it was shoved into. You are like the box to a point-and-click mystery adventure game with an action RPG disk inside. It’s not your fault whoever was responsible for putting discs in boxes put yours in one that wrongly describes the thing inside. Yet, people around you are angry and demand that you act like the mystery game they were promised, but your code simply doesn’t work that way. After much internal debate, you finally gather up the courage to tell your parents and brother. Your mother doesn’t get it. She tells you that you may have been a bit of a tomboy as a kid, but never to that extent. She says she doesn’t see that in you and that she thinks you’re making a mistake. You can feel the twist of an imaginary blade tearing your heart open. You love her, but the knowledge that she can’t see you, the real you, just hurts so bad that you’re amazed that you’re still breathing. Your father thinks it is a phase, at first. Something that will blow over. Occasionally, he humours you, but nothing more. Later down the line, when he’ll see the change, see that it’s real, he’ll make no issue out of it to your surprise and will simply go with it. Your brother can tell this has been bothering you for a while and tells you so. He’s always noticed that you didn’t act or react like most girls, but simply pegged you for a tomboy and possibly a lesbian. He says that looking back, it all kind of makes sense now. Still, he worries about you. He fears this transition process isn’t safe until you show him all your research. He’s also afraid of the scorn others may express. More than the possibility of getting hateful words flung at you, he’s afraid they’ll hurt you physically. Your face lights up the first time he calls you ‘brother’ instead of ‘sister’. It almost feels surreal to finally have someone call you by your true name and male pronouns, but a good kind of surreal. You’re so used to people calling you by your birth name, that having them use your chosen name is a little odd at first. A few weeks after your parents, you gather up the courage to tell other family members and friends. Some of them are confused. Others angry. Some a mix of both. Others hurl a list of insults at you and you try to explain, but they won’t hear any of it. Ties are cut and tears spilt. Some people you lose forever. Luckily, others stay and those are the ones you grow even closer to. You are grateful for their support and that they at least try to remember to call you by the correct pronouns. Having a few more people on your side makes you feel a little stronger. Your mother drags you to a psychologist who ends up taking your side, much to your mother’s dismay. She tries to take you to a different one whom she hopes will tell you to stop acting like a man and listen to your genitals. You refuse and even move out of the house after six more months of her insisting on and emphasizing her use of the words ‘she’, ‘her’ and ‘my daughter’ every chance she gets. Three months after you’ve fully moved into your own place, your therapist gives you the letter you need to start hormone therapy. Your brother congratulates you. At this stage, your father realizes that it’s real. “You’re really going through with it, huh.” He says. You nod. When you grow your first facial hair he teaches you how to shave. In the following months the testosterone you take lowers your voice slowly. When it cracks you suddenly feel like a teenage boy even though you’ve been an adult for about six years now. More hair sprouts all over your arms and legs. You think your face looks a little different, but maybe it’s just your imagination. Things that seemed heavy to lift before now seem a whole lot lighter. You see your muscles growing week by week. Gaining strength is a whole lot easier now. Things are changing in your lower region as well, aside from hair growth, that is. Your clit gets larger, not as large as you’d like, but it’s something. The next time you hear of your mother, you hear she’s held a funeral for ‘the girl you’ in the back yard a couple week ago. You think it’s ridiculous. You’re not even dead. You’re right here, alive and well, alive and feeling way better than you’ve felt in ages. That ‘female’ you was never even there. What did she even burry? Your previous physical appearance? Her own ideas of what you should be or should have been? She explains that she needs time to mourn. Mourn what?! That shell you’ve been so desperate to get rid of? Why mourn that? Heck, you’d throw a party! Finally rid of all the stuff you’d come to hate about yourself because it didn’t fit and rid of the stuff that made people treat you in a way you hated. She explains that she feels like she lost a daughter. You counter that maybe she never had one, but just didn’t care to see it. “Maybe.” She says she needs time to adjust, to get used to having a son instead of a daughter and that you don’t need to understand why the funeral helps her get over the fact that you’re transitioning, just that it does. You calm down, let it go and tell her you can live with that. For the first time in a long time, way too long, the two of you hug. Roughly a year after starting testosterone, you get a mastectomy. The breasts you’ve been binding for a couple years are gone now, cut away by a surgeon’s knife and thrown in the trash. That’s a load of your chest, quite literally, figuratively too. Finally, you feel whole. You’re not done yet. You’re still planning to have your name and gender marker officially changed, of course, and a year from now the womb and other internal reproductive bits have got to go in a hysterectomy. At least that much. Maybe more, you haven’t decided yet. At any rate, those are worries for later. For now, you’re okay even if your chest hurts and you’re groggy from the pain meds. But for the first time in forever you’re at peace with yourself and the face in the mirror and honestly? That’s more than you ever hoped or could have asked for.

— — —

An old piece of original fiction first posted on Deviantart in 2015. Thought I’d share it here too. This isn’t my own personal story, just the story of a character I made up.

[pkmncoordinators]

This question is probably random, but after seeing how many reviews you had for your fanfics (especially TAC), I had to ask. I was wondering if you ever had very incredibly weird reviews that even to this day you think about.

Oh my god, have I. I’ve had several fucking weird reviews, but let me share some of my personal favorites.

To start, a review from The Ash Connection:

Let me tell you something misty is ugly and a Sherman taking steroids and other drugs like drinking strawberry meth so you need to learn to love sexy girls and drug shemans go for flannery Candice Cynthia Soledad skyla elesa ok 

This one needs no comment. It is presented, as is, in its full glory.

To follow up, another review from The Ash Connection. It is, in fact, the sequel to the previous review:

Again I just like to say fuuck this I haven't read it yet but I read the review (I don't know what shipping this is ) but misty a sheman and you need to put in this story so been doing drugs and taking steroids and sex pills (men's one for bigger peniis) and becomes a ugly drugged man in this story ok now I'm going to read it NOOOOOOOOO OO POKESHIPPING IT'S GAY ASH ISN"t GAY HE NEEDS SEXY GIRLS LIKE DAWN ELESA CYNTHIA (damn sexy Cynthia ) SKYLA CANDICE FLANNERY understand POKESHIPPERS GO TO HEELL YOU SICK DOGS (biitches) BECAUSE YOU NEED TO LEARN READ GAY STORY'S LIKE ASH X SHEMAN IS JUST OMG

The final review I’d like to share is from The Ash Connection II. It is unabridged. This is a real review I received, for no apparent reason, and it is to date probably my favorite:

Pokemon Rant on the evil PaulWhy I hate PaulThe Paul I am referring to is a character in the pokemon anime, who is currently Ash's primary rival while the group is in the Sinnoh region. Paul is really a varied character: on the forums, the Paul character discussion thread has, at the time of writing, nearly spans twenty pages, though most of it is saying how "awesome" he is. However, I do not think he is awesome. I hate him more than I hate Harley from the same show. I want to strangle Paul and break one of his limbs. Most probably won't know why I feel this way, so I will explain.First, Pokemon are sentient beings in this setting. As Linkara pointed out in his review of "Captain Planet and the Planeteers #3," if animals were truly intelligent enough to make their own decisions and follow orders, animals would easily be given rights. Considering that many pokemon in this setting are shown to be smart enough to qualify, pokemon should have a bill of rights. In the real world, Paul's treatment of his pokemon would be classified as cruelty to animals and he would be arrested and sent to Juvenile court, regardless of whether or not his pokemon appreciated his method of training. Though seeing how the world lacks competent police officers and encourages ten year old children to wander around with no parental supervision with only tamed animals for protection, the government must be very inadequate. While I'm on the subject, why haven't his pokemon objected to his training methods? Sure, they might want to get stronger, but considering that his training methods in the Tag Battle arc would've gotten Chimchar killed had it not been for Ash's intervention, wouldn't at least one or two of them start having second thoughts about their trainer? Heck, seeing how strong they are and how humans are pretty much powerless without technology, I'm surprised his pokemon haven't killed him by now. Pokeballs must have great taming powers to keep pokemon from generally rebelling against their trainers.Second, why hasn't anyone reprimanded him? I know I'm stressing this, but why hasn't Paul been punished for his behaviour? He clearly abuses his own pokemon, physically as evident in the aforementioned Tag Battle arc and emotionally, as seen when blames his pokemon for defeats, even after he's stated that when a battle is lost, the trainer is at fault, which not only proves he's a hypocrite but also doesn't make much sense considering the pokemon have all the power in this setting. Shouldn't he have gotten some form of punishment by this point? Not even his older brother, Reggie (who I should note is more like Ash in personality and training methods), has done anything about this. Why in the name of Slaking's lazy ass hasn't Reggie done anything to discipline him? Is Reggie really hoping that Paul will eventually change his way, as unlikely as it is? If Paul crossed the line, outright killing pokemon and showing no remorse for this, would Reggie still be hoping for Paul to change? I highly doubt it.Third, why would anyone want to be anywhere near him? Paul's character in the show is that of a condescending jackass who looks down on almost everyone, including those closest to him (when he admits that his brother was weak after failing to get the Brave Symbol and moving on with his life), and he's too arrogant to admit that he's flawed. In real life, absolutely no one would want to be around him, let alone be associated with him. To be honest, I think the only reason Reggie even gives him a chance is because they're brothers. Also, consider the fact that Paul is supposed to be ten years old (and I say "supposed to" because given that he's said to be the same age as Ash, and how the creators have stated that Ash is still ten after more than five hundred episodes, I don't think many actually take that statement seriously). Most ten year olds are not like Paul at all, which would prompt most to wonder, "What is wrong with him?" It's likely that Reggie would've gotten many complaints about Paul's cold and heartless antics, and as patient as he might be, he will eventually run out of tolerance.As for how he interacts with others, with Ash and friends in particular, he's the same as with anyone else: rude, arrogant, and generally unfriendly, despite that Ash and co have tried to be friendly every time they've crossed paths. I'm surprised that, seeing how unlikely Paul is to change his attitude, they still try to be friendly with him. If they were a normal group of teens, one of them (most likely Ash) would've given him a hard smack upside the head.He's said to be respectful to superiors such as Nurse Joy, Professor Rowan, and Cynthia. However, seeing as how he ignored Nurse Joy's warning for Chimchar's safety in the Tag Battle arc (I'll detail this below), ignored Cynthia's encouragement to change into a more caring trainer, I get the feeling that it's mostly a façade. If he truly did respect them, he would've followed their advice.With all of these in mind, why anyone interacts with him is a big question left in everyone's minds. Fourth, he's become the creator's pet. In the many times I keep my eye on the show, I find myself desperately hoping the writers would give him some form of karma. Much to my annoyance, they do not. Even if they do give him some karma, it never lasts: I can think of at least three cases where he could've used a good smacking: the first is a particularly frustrating case when Paul's victory against Ash after having a humiliating loss against Brandon's regi trio. After all, what better way to break him and get him to start rethinking his priorities by beating him after a particularly horrible loss? Instead, they have Paul win against Ash in a very one-sided battle, with Paul pretty much learning that no matter who he loses to, Ash will be his punching bag.Another case I hoped for a good smacking was for a gym leader to confiscate and refuse to hand Paul a gym badge due to his rude and condescending gloating after getting the Veilstone Gym badge from Maylene. Maylene was pretty much a new gym leader at this point, and gym leaders command respect, no matter how new they are. By all means, Maylene should've forbid him the badge because he didn't treat her with the respect that gym leaders deserve. The aforementioned tag battle arc is another point that could've given him the chance to be taught the error of his ways. After Chimchar was rescued by Ash and put into recovery, Nurse Joy warned him not to put the injured pokemon into battle because the injuries are numerous; naturally, being the insensitive jerk he is, he ignores the warning, knowing that a rival pokemon that Chimchar feared would be there, stupidly thinking that Chimchar would fight with more fury: as expected, Chimchar froze in fear, which is what happens most of the time in real life. Again, why in the name of Slaking's lazy ass didn't Nurse Joy report this? In the real world, people such as her are required to report such abuses to authorities, though considering Japan is drastically behind on the whole reporting abuse issue, it just leaves negative implications. Had I been in her position, I would've reported him to the authorities, complete with the threat of removing him from the tournament if he ignored the warning, as well as following on that threat.Seriously, the lack of punishment and defeats lead me to believe that Paul is like a cheating spoiled brat who has to win, and the writers are following his demands. I swear the only reason he isn't on the TvTropes Wesley page is because of his Draco in Leather Pants status, which is described below.Fifth, the fanbase adores him for all the wrong reasons. I have to admit, this is one of my biggest gripes with the character. It wouldn't be so bad if the audience treated him appropriately, but they don't. Instead, he's glorified and held in a positive light in spite of his generally repulsive attitude, which gets downplayed. While the entire fanbase doesn't adore him and shares some of my sentiments, those who don't raise him to god status are the vast minority.Many say they like Paul because how he's isn't a "goody two shoes" rival like many rivals in the show. In real life, a rival like Paul is the last kind of rival you'd want; since he's an arrogant bully who'd more likely drain the fun out of everything (it wouldn't surprise me if a lot of trainers who lost to Paul gave up training all together). A good rival is someone who provides a challenge, but is a good sport and gives friendly encouragement. Another point that drives me crazy with the fanbase is that they do romance stories with him and Dawn. Forgetting the fact that they barely have any interaction in canon, their personalities are the exact opposite: Dawn is a cheerful girl (when she isn't faking smiles through all of the defeats she's gone through) who is supportive of her friends and participates in contests; in contrast, Paul only goes into battling and is, as I've said before, a cold, condescending jackass who'd more likely make you want to slit your wrists when you're in a depressed mood. And then there are the people who pair him up with Ash, of all people; first, this is a kids' show, so romance is likely light at best, if close to nonexistent. Second, knowing how dull Ash is with romance and how Paul only thinks about battling, a romance with the two characters is near impossible. Third, it's very unlikely that they'd strike in a homosexual relationship, even if Japan is more lenient on the whole subject.No matter what Paul does, the fans who worship the ground he walks on will downplay the horrific stuff, such as Chimchar's abuse in the Tag Battle arc. Even if he destroys a clutch of pokemon eggs after beating up the guarding parents, even if he murders people, or even if he nearly destroyed a town, they'd still fawn over him, where normally most people would consider him a monster after any of tho

[kxlebcross]

hippity hoppity here goes the long ass rant about my cousin

for context - i was a kid when i started liking kpop, like 13-14 yrs old? i was still collecting plushies, reading magazines for young teens, enjoying some music and playing sims. yes, i may have had my emo episode back then with some heavy music too, and that never went well with my mum’s older sister and her heavily religious husband, but oh boi, the worst was my cousin. she is 6 yrs older than me and that was around the time she started picking out an university to go to, so the focus HAD to be on her, the important future student and her boyfriend and this and that... she was always going on about going to art school and she was really fucking talented so she had all chances to be a really great artist, getting married to her boyfriend, wanting a family and all her future, while i was just a middle school kid dressing in all black, who suddenly started enjoying some fun kpop song on their otherwise heavy metal/rock music playlist.

when she find out, she was GIVING ME HELL for it. do you remember 2013 kpop? adtoy by 2pm, ringa linga by gd & taeyang, gentleman by psy or fantastic baby by bigbang? i fucking loved those songs. i was a kid in a really bad place in life after moving 2 countries away from the place where i was born, from all my friends, my school, my life... listen, it’s 10 years hitting this year since my mother decided about moving and i’m still not over it, so just imagine, how bad i must’ve felt back then, when it wasn’t even a year after the move? i was a devastated little kid who found a little joy in some fun, jumpy kpop tones in contrast to the usual heavy music i was listening to usually (do you remember the oldest bring me the horizon songs, all the screaming and anger? think of it as my regular playlist, my mother hated it haha). i was never a diehard fan, never had posters of idols on my walls, i only have like 2 merch pieces (and those aren’t even original cuz we were poor and could never afford it, so i looked up the merch online and my mum had a similar thing done in a local, cheaper workshop for my birthday one time, please don’t judge me for that) and it was just music for me, as well as the english, american, japanese, polish and hungarian music was just music too. 

and i got terrible shit for it from my cousin, who pretty much criticized everything about me: my clothes (we were poor, i was mostly dressing out of second hand shops and surprise - her hand-me-downs), my shitty phone (and old samsung model i got for my 9th or 10th bday), my taste in books (i really REALLY loved king’s books to which one of my classmates introduced me back then), my inability to perfectly speak the language (though i was raised in a bilingual household, the main language in my house was hungarian, and i was a stubborn kid who rarely ever wanted to speak polish at home, so when we moved i could barely speak the language, had to take extra classes every day in school for almost the entire first school year i spent here because i had to learn to write and speak properly), but the biggest shit i always got for kpop, that it’s garbage, that i don’t even understand it, it’s just shitty party music with extra steps... i resented her for that A LOT, which probably had smth to do with the age difference too, but hey, whatever. i always closed up when we visited them and my mum was understanding about it, she pretty much allowed me to just hang around the place and listen to my music, play on my phone or just read a book, and my aunt hated it - but it was at least peaceful, i occasionally got the kpop jab from my cousin which i shrugged off, but that was it... until one time i spoke up.

i can’t remember what it was about - but we were all having lunch and it was easter or christmas maybe, and at a certain point i got called out for something, maybe using my phone under the table? anyway, i spoke up about treating me like shit because i was already 15 by that and i had a big fucking mouth and no tolerance for their bullshit after listening to it for two years, which ended in my mother almost going into a shock after hearing my vicious remark, my aunt’s husband going into a raging fit and my aunt telling my mum that she’s a terrible mother and raised a terrible kid. we left after that and i didn’t return to them in the following years - i just heard from the grapevine that my cousin ended up dropping out of college because “it was just too tiring and too much”, broke up with her boyfriend and then was just sleeping around with some random dudes, and generally just misrailed her life and had to move back in with her parents who were devastated after all their hopes about my cousin went to hell.

i haven’t seen them for years - we sort of reconciled a few years later when my mother forced me to do it; my cousin probably forgot by then whatever shit she was giving me earlier and we hanged out a bit, caught up and shit... i’m pretty sure it was only because she was to get married to her boyfriend and wanted the whole family there? not important. 

the boyfriend is a pretty awful person imo tbh - he has some nationalist tendencies, not once spoke up in a very homophobic and derogatory way about all kind of lgbtq+ people, which in the end resulted in me removing him from all my social medias, because miss me with that nationalism babe. anyway, they got married and moved into their own place and into the family spotlight again, while i finished school and then years after their wedding my mum announced very proudly that i finished school with good grades and got into university - which immediately stirred the shit in the old shit bucket our relations were. my own fucking aunt dared saying that i’ll never succeed in life and will drop out than her own daughter would because i’m not made for a successful life. she never said it to my face - said it to my mother, who gave up a job she loved just so she could send me half a country away from my home so i could study where i wanted. i mean, i have my own issues with my mother too but i can’t not admire her sacrifices she made for me - so that sort off hit it off again with me and i once again burned bridges with them when moving out 3 years ago. seen them maybe two times since then? i mean, i never tried reaching out to them - they only ever got some happy birthdays and merry christmases on facebook, because my mother insisted i do that. they never called or wrote back, not for my birthday, not for christmas, not for anything else. i only found out in the last few months that on that christmas 2 yrs ago, which i spent alone, they were asked by my mum to please invite me over at least for a coffee. they never even called and my mum was heartbroken over it, because she was literal thousands of kilometres away, working and counted on her sister to invite me... my mum’s friends, basically strangers, ended up inviting me over for a christmas dinner in the end. i spent a family holiday with people i’ve literally seen five times in my life and they were more than joyful to have me in their company and they even got me a present, while my technically closes family couldn’t even spare a phone call.

now i’m 23 and my cousin is closing on 30 - and she’s suddenly overcome with that kpop obsession she has, spamming both instagram and facebook with mv links, fantaken photos, band-related posts and news articles, all heart emojis and “OmG i LoVe ThEm” kind of bullshit captions, she’s intensely drooling over certain members she’s posting a lot about, i’m seeing at least 15 posts daily about her bad drawings of members of the band.... listen.... if an artist doesn’t practice for 7+ yrs, the skills they had just start to fade away even if they were really talented (trust me, i know it from my own experiences, i used to know how to draw, sing and play a few instruments when i was young but then i stopped practicing and now the most i can draw in a stickman, i can’t play any instruments for shit and i’m a low average in singing too), but she thinks she’s some motherfucking superstar of drawing portraits (trust me, shes NOT) and keeps spamming all those pics and posts and shit.... and just seeing that sort of brought the memories back, of her treating me like shit over a thing she’s now obsessed with and i’m just sitting here like.... gag.

i could absolutely understand being a fan and being a group stan but there is a certain limit after which being a fan turns into that gross, twisted thing. do you know all those memes that go along the lines of “i don’t hate kpop because of the music, i hate kpop over the r*tarded fans it has”? that’s a whole ass mood. i’m sure that everyone who’s at least interested in kpop heard of the insane psychofan part of the fanbase.... and she’s turning into it. she’s fucking drooling over some famous strangers while she’s like... 30. and has a husband. would it be so hard for her to “keep it in her pants”? i’m super NOT interested in seeing all that crazy fan shit she’s pulling and honestly she’s grossing me out and you know people like her are the reason i can’t even fucking enjoy kpop anymore the way i did earlier - because it’s being fucking pushed down my god damned throat every-fucking-where i look. just calm the very fuck down, please. behave like a god fucking damned adult. 

[followmetoyourdoom]

Halloweening // Chpt 1 - Trapped

So imma do Iristo weekend as like one fic, with (hopefully) one chapter each day. Iristo isn’t too heavy in this chapter, but it’s there. Also, bc I know this is gonna confuse some people, this is set after season 2 episode 2, except it’s still October in universe. Yeah I know, but *gestures to canon* they put the random-ass Halloween ep in there okay, not me, I’m just pretending it happened two weeks before Halloween and that the rest of season 1 and the first 2 eps of season 2 happened in those two weeks. It’s a stretch, I know. Let’s just pretend.

So, without further ado, I present Day 1 - Princess/Knight

The twins decide to hatch their next plan on Halloween, using the town’s infamous Haunted House as the location for their next devious plot. But when the twins run into a problem, it’s up to Iris to be their knight in shining armour.

Read it on ao3 or below:

As dusk fell on a vibrant and festive Sunny Bay, skeletons on the sides of houses danced a jig in the cold october breeze, pumpkins grinned eerily out at passersby in costumes, and giggles and shrieks of children and teens alike echoed down the streets.

The girls were making their way towards the infamous Sunny Bay Haunted House, open to the public for Halloween. To those brave enough to enter that is.

There was, of course, nothing haunted about the house. It was simply old and decrepit, and perhaps had an issue with rodents. That didn't stop the mayor of the town using it to rake in money for his retirement fund, especially not when it was also the murder scene of a family back in the 1960s. Murder was good for business.

This time, however, a certain pair of twins were going to make sure its patrons got more than what they paid for.

"Urgh, do we have to wear these tacky costumes, Mephisto?"

Her brother grinned, "C'mon, Prax. They're not all that different from our usual outfits. Besides, I like the teeth." He smiled again, showing off the razor sharp incisors the two twins had magicked onto their own teeth. "Besides, pretending to be ghosts won't work. So vampires it is."

Praxina curled her lip. "Ah yes, perfect pretty Princess Talia with her ghost vision. Please."

"Ew, did you just call Talia 'pretty'."

"No!" Praxina said defensively. "I meant it in an insulting way." She whacked her brother on the back of the head when he started chuckling. "Let's just get this over with."

Mephisto nodded and peaked around the door frame, spotting the girls in the crowd. He squinted slightly. "Okay. Iris is in… red? Yes, that's Iris, blonde hair, okay. Auriana… I don't know what Auriana is meant to be, but she has white paint on her face and-"

Praxina elbowed him. "I'm not the one that mixed Iris up with some random human last time. Just get in the coffin before I give you a reason to be there permanently."

"Fine fine, relax, I'm going."

She thought for a moment, then grabbed her brother's arm last minute. "Make sure you don't get trapped or stuck in there like an idiot. We rigged them to open from the inside, but just make sure you don't mess it up or-"

Mephisto cut her off as he smiled, recognising her worry. "I'll be fine."

Praxina nodded. She knew she was asking a lot of her brother, having him lie in wait in a tight dark spot, but he'd assured her he'd be fine. The months of Gramorr torturing Mephisto and playing on his fear of the dark were behind him, he'd insisted. Besides, his paranoia only kicked in when he couldn't get out.

The girls finally got to the front of the queue and Iris paid for the tickets. The three girls entered the house, Auriana rushing forwards, grabbing onto Talia's hand and dragging her with her. The Xerin Princess gave Iris a look that meant something along the lines of 'save me' before she was pulled into the depths of the house.

Giggling to herself, Iris made her way slowly around, trying to get into the right mood. But she'd seen the house a million times over, surely there was nothing that could-

An ear-splitting scream shook the entire house and Iris jumped, covering her ears.

She didn't recognise the scream and after a while, it faded. Clearly there was something good further on in the house.

Iris hurried through the next door, ignoring most of the second room and passing into the third - she needed to catch up with Auriana and Talia anyway. But they were nowhere to be seen in this room either.

Then a soft wail, a murmur, thumps, and knocks, came to her attention. She cast her eyes around cautiously, about to brush it off as sound effects when her necklace began to glow.

The banging started up again, coming from behind the next door and she hurriedly pushed through it, expecting to find resistance. But the door gave way easily and Iris tumbled to the floor, dust flying up everywhere and getting in her nose. She sneezed a couple of times and squinted through the dust, trying to see what the problem was.

"Hello?" she called out.

"Iris?" called out an unidentifiable voice, but it seemed heavy and thick with tears.

The Princess wandered over to the source of the voice, coming across two coffins lying side by side, various pieces of furniture tossed carelessly on top of them - more than likely the haunted house workers making some last minute touches to the interior.

Her name was called again and Iris' eyes went wide as she recognised the voice. "Praxina?"

"Yes!" she snapped. That was Praxina alright. "Release us from these death beds so we can attack you."

Iris frowned down at the coffins. "Is Mephisto in the other?"

"Well I'm not using the royal we!" Praxina snarled. "Now get us out before he starts freaking out again. "He needs help," she added after a pause.

So that had been Mephisto's scream.

Iris nodded to herself and used her magic to remove the furniture from the top of the coffins, Praxina bursting out of hers as soon as she was able to, then angrily turning and blasting the offending wooden box to smithereens. Without sparing Iris a glance, she tugged open the other coffin.

"Mephisto, Mephisto you're free, get out. Mephisto! Get out, stop fooling around… Mephisto? Mephisto, come on!"

But the Ephedian teen made no attempt to move and, when Iris walked over and stooped down to look, she found he was curled as small as he possibly could in the space allowed, eyes shut tight, his entire body shaking.

Praxina continued to shout at him, her demands turning to pleads as she tugged at his sleeve.

But he wouldn't budge.

Eventually, Praxina gave up, and hung her head, mumbling apologies. Iris didn't know what to do, she'd never seen this side of the twins before, this vulnerable side that reminded her that Praxina and Mephisto weren't that much older than her. That they were just child soldiers like she was, except they were on the wrong side of the war.

"Mephisto," Iris said softly, reaching in to pull his hand out, "Mephisto look." She used her light magic to illuminate the room, almost blinding herself and Praxina who fell back, shocked.

Opening his eyes at the light, Mephisto blinked and glanced around, roughly pulling his hand out of Iris' when he realised she was holding it.

He looked up at her like a deer trapped in headlights, the fear fading slightly as he processed what had happened and where he was. "You… saved me?" he asked, unsure where this was a good thing or not.

Praxina made a noise of disgust.

Iris nodded and magicked one of the glowing pumpkins towards the three of them so she could let her magic fade but still have light.

Mephisto thought for a moment, then shakily got to his feet, stepping out of the coffin. "Then thank you, Princess. That's the second time you've helped me." The vulnerability returned to his eyes as he looked at her, searching for an answer. "Why?"

"You needed help," Iris said simply.

Praxina had had enough and pulled her brother away. "We don't need some knight in shining armour or, well, Princess, to help us everytime we mess up," she snarked, hands shaking, but not out of anger.

"Prax… You weren't… well you were there but you weren't-"

"I know what happened," she snapped, "you told me. Then praised the Princess' fighting style for about an hour afterwards. It made me sick."

Iris blinked at this information while Mephisto laughed nervously.

"It's not funny," Praxina muttered, crossing her arms. She let out a puff of air and turned on her heal, trying to act like her old self. "We'd love to stay and chat, Princess. But we have evil plans to put into play."

"Are you sure you're both okay? You're still shaking."

And indeed they both were.

Iris smiled sadly. "Surely even villains deserve a break? Why not spend the rest of the night with us? Call it a Halloween Truce. We can go trick or treating later, there's free candy."

Mephisto's eyes lit up at this, his paranoia settling at the talk of candy. "Can we, Praxina?"

After a few seconds of pursing her lips and looking back and forth between her hopeful brother and Iris' kind features, Praxina caved. "Fine. But this first truce thing had better be the last."

Iris wasn't sure she could promise that.

[incorrect-pokespe-quotes]

Fanfic Band AU: First Chapter

“Second call!” was announced behind the door.

He saw his bass, red as his trade mark, they were RGB for something the young man thought. The eyeliner made his eyes scarlet eyes remark that even more.

Three songs, only three, they had troubles with the place so they cut their time in stage.

“Fucking cunts.” said the brunette at his side like reading his thoughts.

“Green, please, don’t aggravate the obvious…” said the youth playing with her drumsticks.

“Guys, keep on, we are going to end this like the stars we are…” he said while putting his costume.

“Yeah, stars that some no good owners treat like anything… Red, we aren’t the bastards of the Elite Four yet…” Green said while eyeing Blue’s costume.

White high heel boots, a tight short black dress and a navy blue jacket. He lust a bit over her friend, but seeing her face killed his hots. Then he eyed Red seeing how that tight shirt defined his chest and those ugly pants marked his friend’s bulge, but again, seeing that face killed his desires, that wine colored coat also murdered his mood.

“Green, I know this sucks, but please, we have to keep this, it’s enough with how much money was refund to the shortage of the concert, so just suck it up and let them fuck us anally…” Red said not really believing in his motivational junk.

“Besides, that two things are your best talents.” the one with blue eyes laughed mockingly bit most of all entirely in a false way.

“Says the one who is ready to flap her purse in the corner…” Green responded.

“Sure, the one with bad boy style can say shit about my clothes, leather jackets with fluff in the collar are not as edgy as you think, you twink… or some biker bear that took your daddy issues with poking your prostate left it in the motel?” she said while trying to decide in the mirror between ponytail or just free.

“Yeah, fucking older dudes or women ‘cuz your parents leave you with your grandfather is worse than having hots for your brother…” Blue laughed at that.

“If we can kill each other…” the young woman started.

“Then we’ll kill ourselves…” the skinny man said.

“Guys… can you lighten up a bit, just don’t kill yourselves until we have our third album….” the black haired youth sighed.

“Third call, go to the stage!” it was announced.

“Okay, get your shit together and let’s explode the hell back to this world.” Red said while seeing him in the mirror trying to find any imperfection.

“Princesses, let’s do it!” claim Blue while leaving the camerin.

The darkness and silence before the storm, the omen of a concert they thought, expecting, waiting, blessed and most off all, wasted or drunk, the three youths loved it.

Spotlight shining, dazzling lights and colors exploding as the masses did in screams, attention, devotion and people living the idea of them, what else they could wish for?

Blue started, what better than go straight with this?

Then Green, guitar as precise as him.

Red started the bass… gulped and then

“Walk right in all you sinners and saints, tonight’s the night we’re gonna take off these chains!”

“Some wounds will never mend!” the crowd exploded.

The stimulating pestilence of sex, alcohol and cigarettes, Green wasn’t in the mood to think about the bunch of probably underage girls who were naked in his bed, he didn’t mind at that point they weren’t more that confused teens who would do anything for their idols.

He got up, put some pants and took some random bottle from the floor and chug it. The burn in his throat wasn’t enough, all of them were still there, every thought was still there.

The door knocked, he couldn’t care less about what happens or who could that, after all, Daisy already said he could go fuck himself.

Apparently his fortuite romance with ignorancia has already left him behind, at that point in his mess he called life was too early for surrender and too late for a prayer.

He opened the door to see his manager, Steven Stone, living in his father’s orders and shadow Green supposed.

“Hey, Green, you have a gig so grab your stuff and let’s go.” Steven said in an authoritarian voice, Green found that quite attractive of the man.

He was blind by design, Green didn’t care anymore after all he bounded with his manager by being divided by deception but being together to rise. It still hurt after all.

“Come on, the concert is in almost a fucking day, besides, we still have plenty of time…” he said while unwrapping Steve’s tie.

“Green, we can’t keep doing this, what if Red or Blue find us, or my father?” the man said getting off Green’s hands.

“Like your father is one to talk… no problem, you are still the better Stone in the bed…” he said leaning into his neck and removing the tie. Steve pushed the young adult. “Well, you’re father is more into violence but if that’s what you want…” Green didn’t care anymore, he has already lose everything. He unbuttoned all of Steve’s shirt already.

What was the point of caring? His parents didn’t care in any time for him but most off all, his sister and grandfather didn’t are anymore… he couldn’t go to hell if he was already in there.

“They say the end is coming and I need to prepare!” jumps, dances, screams, everything, the world was reflected in their music. “We can’t go to hell if we’re already there!” then it ended, applauses and happiness. Sure, that was fulfilling but still not enough. “Thanks everyone for coming tonight, I know we had to cut our time here but me and my friends are so excited to be with you and let’s get ready with this…” Red exclaimed to be interrupted by the frenetic sound of Green’s guitar.

“Black sheep, come home…” the unison whisper of the crowd started, he licked his lips.

“Hello, again, friend of a friend I knew you when!” the drastic end, the erratic guitar and drums. “Our common goal was waiting for the world to end!” the claps started.

A moonlit starry night, it was quite beautiful, but for Blue it sucked just like everything. After all, truth was just a rule that she could bend at her please, it wasn’t a big deal after all. The restaurant was boring for her tastes, she only wanted to get out, but she promised for Giovanni and Silver that she would spend that time with them.

“Hey, Blue.” there he came, Silver, the one and only person she truly cared about. Caring, harsh, distant, mysterious, naive, strong and everything she could wish. “Sorry, but father said he couldn’t go out of his work, you know how it is…” excusing his father as always.

“It’s not a big deal…” she cracked the whip with that words, maybe they were truth but maybe don’t.

“Come on, Blue, he is our father, and he is proud of you.” he is your father, she wanted to say. She didn’t want Giovanni as his father and most of all she didn’t want Silver as his brother.

“Like I care…” she said while, grabbing a menu. “And how’s college?” she shape shifted the trick of the conversation not wanting keep talking about Giovanni.

“It’s great, I was admitted quite easily.” he said with a monotone voice. She thought that whoever that had for dad the richest, most corrupted and feared men in Kanto would have easy that stuff. “And how are Red and Green?” the red haired asked. She didn’t know how to answer, Red always seemed to be stressed or just plain distant, Green kept sleeping with Mr. Stone and that kept them high in Devon.

“Well… Red is somewhat stressed and Green is… more loose these times.” she really didn’t know a bit about her best friends.

“I hope you get a vacation, too much work could be harmful…” always caring for her…

Was he always that naïve? That innocent to not see what was happening. She hated Giovanni for taking everything for her at least anything she had now.

Her parents were murdered by The Masked Man who was later found and killed by Team Rocket as she knows it was because that man was a rogue assassin from that group and how curious that the men who was behind all that adopted her from the kindness of his heart.

And most of all Silver.

She’ll send her love from a wire, lift him every time everyone walks away from him, but her feelings would never reach out. After all, she was no more than his sister.

At least the loved she wanted wasn’t the same he felt toward her, and she wasn’t okay with that.

“It’s a mechanical… bull, the number one, you’ll take a ride from anyone, everyone wants a ride,” hysterical yells, he knew some people were crying, others were so wasted to even care, but this was how they made them feel alive. “pulls away, from you…” silence, destruction a death from a reborn. He could feel it everything and at the same time it was an infinite finite world of possibilities to end this.

He saw his partners, excited and full of energy, this was RGB, and they were that.

“Okay let’s give them a night so awesome they’ll have every other one that comes…” said Blue pulling her hair behind her ear.

“If I can’t kill myself, then let’s trigger a massive suicide…” Green cracked his knuckles.

“Was a long and dark december, from the rooftops I remember, there was snow, white snow” guitar and bass together, just like Red and Green since they were kids. And the drum entered with full force, that was the raw power of Blue in a sole sound. “Clearly I remember from the windows they were watching while we froze down below…”

Cold, that was the only thing that he felt.

“Sorry, Red, but we can't… I won’t keep with this…” the blonde told with a hint of sadness in her voice but most of all it was decision in her.

“Yellow, please, give me time, I… I still want to be with you, we will sort this out… please…” the one of yellow orbs was done, her future wasn’t going to be architectured by Red’s carnival of not caring, she’ll prefer lay low.

Red didn’t understand a but, if she loved him, won’t she let him know? His armour was hollow now, his emotions just died and hit the ground. He did everything he could, but his best wasn’t enough he tried but it wasn’t enough, his love wasn’t enough but most of all, he wasn’t enough.

“Red, it’s for the better, our lives are heading different directions… and I ratter bit mingle with yours…” his love was like a poem that Yellow unfold and then returned it to him. It seems that he was a captain of a sinking ship.

Their unwound future… now there was nothing.

“Yellow, you love me?” a harsh and desperate question for a desperate man, it was like a single thread of light and hope that refused to leave him.

“Yeah, and that’s exactly why we need to end this…” she said with a smile, no sadness in her, just a bright smile and a gentle voice. If she loved him why she’d let him go? “It was a pleasure, our time together I mean, sorry for this, but we deserve something we don’t provide each other.

He still didn’t understand, he was sure de was the love of her life, then, why?

“You promised me… you promised me, Yellow!” he tried screaming, but his pain had already transcended words.

Yellow only gave him a warm smile and walked away.

“I took my love down to a violet hill, there we sat in the snow. All the time she was silent still.” he looked down and pointed the microphone toward the audience. That was all his being in just one song.

“So if you love me… won’t you let me know?” they answered.

“So if you love me… won’t you let me know?” but most important, at the end, their music reflected their world.

[kasunex]

Yesterday me and @heiligelanze were bored so I made this trash complaining about P4. Don’t read if you like P4. Unless you are very chill about people hating on it. 

we talk about why p4 is not good. 

#1 - Boring characters

Yosuke: Wah wah small town is borin (why doesn't he just plan to move when he's older), also homophobic in way that suggests writers thought we were too. neck is too long. Also not closeted >:/

Yu Narukami: Stupid name, stupid design, stupid fuckin face, I hate him, no character arc or character at all, Gary Stu. Boring peice of shit. Also. Not GAY Enough >:/

Yukiko: Boring. Thinks she's trapped into being innkeeper when not at all. Never tells parents she doesn't want to or makes any attempt to change anything. Only other character trait is laughs (annoying)

Chie: Guyz I like kung fu n meat isnt that quirky, (bc apparently women don't like meat?????) also not gay or trans >:/

Kanji: Almost good. But misleads to think he is good representative media pushing artistic gay man strugling against stereotypes that gays rnt tough. Actually about gender roles but not well explored. Hinted to be bi at best. Atlus u fuckin cowards let me be gay for once >>>>>>>>>://////////////////

Rise: 2 kawaii. Gets annoying. Unwarranted, undeserved crush on main character you cant say no to. (But unlike p3 game doesn't make u with her but we will get to THAT LATER FUCKING P4G)

Naoto: Too good for game. Shoulda been trans tho. 

Teddie: Remove or kill. Annoying af. Tries to steal ur girl. Major mysognist (game is like lol) 

Mitsuo: Insulting to ugly people and to gamer fanbase

Moorako: Insulting to ugly people. Hahah who cares hes dead he was uggo lol

Hanako: Fat ppl r gross rite guys lollolollolllollolololollollololl haha she thinks she's atrratcievew lolololo fat pppl thinkin their hot lololololololo

Kashiwagi: She's old but busted except she looks 30 and treated as gross icky old woman when real teens would be like "I wanna bang dat shit on de desk"

Dojima: Ok I guess

Nanako: Emotional manipulation. doesn't die. unrealistically precious and mature. 

Adachi: Presents as awkward relatable BUT NO ACTUALLY EVIL OVER THE TOP EVIL MUHAHAHA because he couldn't just be a cool guy with a darker side, had to be ANIME CRAZY EVIL DID IT FOR THE LULZ

Namatame: Not built up enough, comes fuckiin out of nowhere

Izanami: Comes even more da faq outta nowhere (GUYS THAT GAS STATION ATTENDENT SHAKING YOUR HAND OBVS EQUALS EVIL OR PLOT SIGNIFICANT LOL) also rips off Nyx and does it shitty

Ameno-Sagiri: Comes even MORE da faq outtta nowhere and vanishes da faq outta nowhere, also irrelevant to plot and meaningless distraction

Margret: Boring af, no personality at all, Elizabeth was more fun 

Saki: Underdeveloped bitch, supposed to be so sad when dies despite not being shown for anythin but bitch also supposed to feel bad for yosuke when she dies even tho she hated him and he would have been rejected anyway seriously wtf

Marie: COMPLETELY IRREDEMABLE GARBAGE FIRE OF PANDERING TRASH. SHOEHORNED INTO PLOT WHEN COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS AND IRRELEVANT. GAME FORCES HER AS LOVE INTEREST WHEN SHE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO STEAL WORST GIRL FROM YUKIKO. ANNOYING TSUNDERE STEREOTYPE. MAKES ME WANT TO KILL SELF.

#2 - Shit plot

Boring af. Crappy tonal issues all the way thru. WAY TO SLICE OF LIFE WHO FUCKIN CARES. 

HEY IM A TRANSFER STUDENT JUST LIKE LAST GAME LOL. Everyone loves me immediately even tho im a lil bitch. 

Oh noes murder of some random chick we never met so sad ;~;

Meet Chie n Yukiko both boring af, immediately like me 

Yosuke is trash can, Mitsuo is creppy and wierd b/c gamers r uggo and uggo ppl are socially inept and suck

Bitchy girl shows up and then dies

Yosuke does1n't get dick wet (he wouldn't anyways but still) so sad 

See TV world, meet worst character in ORGINAL game (assult of bear puns)

fight dumb fuckin demon frog bc yosuke is bored (wtf is dis shit)

Chie is gay bUT NOT REALLY  

Boss of dungeon is too hard, someone went missing or something idk who cares

Meet gay but nOT REALLY

Chases u bc u judge him but NOT REALLY

Gets kidnapped, gay dungeon bUT NOT REALLY actually about gender and cuz he likes cute stuff means he's gay STUPID but actually he's not because gays r icky lol 

Campin time yaya the girls can't cook pffffft a WOMAN CANT COOK TF WOW WOW SO FUNNY A WOMAN CANT COOK WTF WHAT TEH FUCK and also HANAKO IS FAT AND That's' bad

HOMOPHOBIA TIME LOL KANJI IS GAY ARE YOSUKE AND YU SAFE IN A TENT WITH HIM? FIND OUT AT 11

Sexism next day when Yosuke is like I bought u girls sexy swimsuits and will now shame you to wear them ARENT I AN ENDEARING CHARACTER but no dicks are wet except with water (also vomit) including kanji lol abuse (also that could have seriously injured but never brought up BECAUSE ABUSE IS LOLOLOLOOLLOLLLOLLLLOLLLOLLLLLLLLOLLLL) Also game forced u/Yu to be sexist too fuck off game

Nanako is sad whatever who cares

Yosuke wants idol puss so yay idol but shes sad so we stalk guilible peepin tom who is the killer but NOT REALLY while adachi is quirky

Rise is sad that she doesnt know who she is or something fuckin idk STRIPPING TIME BOWCHICAWOWOW also teddie feels useless so everyone dies or smth

Teddie comes out of TV and is now human and annoying mother fucker, Rise is now not sad but KAWAII and Yosuke no longer wants idol puss idk but but IDOL PUSS WANTS BORING FUCKBOY YU DICK (not pandery at all, just your average sexy teen idol wants boring fuckboy)

Teacher is dead he was dick and uggo so who cares lol

Chase after uggo game lover nerd haha dungeon is nerdy game shit lol video games cause violence right guys? Didnt u know that video gamers are all ugly socially inept muderous pathetic freaks????? THATS U BTW UR UGGO INEPT MUDEROUS CREEPY LOSER FREAK LOL 

Also rise cums when you kill enemies 

Now murders are solved rite so lets have celebration!!!! Girls make omlettes but they CANT COOK LOL wasnt that so funny last time joke so nice they made it twice

Summer festival time Rise wants yu dick and Yosuke wants wet dick but teddie claims all three girls for himself and they go without protest despite not wanting to because they are STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE AND KNOW NOT TO BACKTALK THEIR MAN (isnt this game so progressive) 

PERSONA 3 REFERENCES also underage drinking bUT NOT REALLY JUST SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE LOL also teddie stalks them lol also teacher books SEX HOTEL???? How wacky

You kno how muder was solved WELL NOT REALLY WHAT A SHOCK THE GAME HAD NO PLOT FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS anyways

Naoto is strong masculine manly mc man detective but gets kidnapped and is actuallY TRANS BUT NOT REALLY IS ACTUALLY JUST GIRL AND THINKS SHES CHILDISH OR SOMETHING but NOT REALLY ACTUALLY SHE’s JUST LONELY but not really idefk. Remember kiddies being different is okay!!! uwu (so long as you ARENT ACTUALLY DIFFERENT U FREAKOZOID kill urself)

Cultrue festival Rise wants u 2 do her in school halls balls deep but game doesn't let you????? lame 0/10 

But then YOSUKE FORCES GIRLS INTO UNCOMFORTABLE beauty pagent that they cant back out of even if someone else signed them up under penalty of DEATH AND RAPE (I presume) because yosuke remains such an endearing character BUT THEN girls get revenge by forcing him into drag contest and u and kanji too even tho it was only yosuke because the GIRLS ARE SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS lol girls are objectified lol fatty thinks shes hot lolllollollooololooloololoollolololooll0lkooolloollololoololol (game designers had to stop in order to finish laughing at own jokes)

then drag contest ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww grosssssssssssssss icky teddie wins because................a dude? PASSING AS A WOMAN??????? Totes not transphobic vibes none at ALL

then HOT SPRINGS SLEEPOVER at inn because there is just SO MUCH MORE FUNNY TO BE HAD (isnt this all so relevant to plot and character??? rich narrative very necessary part of story, game would be UNSALVAGABLE without it) 

Girls are bitches and think that guys are perving because hot springs doesn't tell them when it's time for girls to go? ?????? Great fuckin service amagi inn also why would the guys perv by just casually walking in??? Why why why why why qwhyw why why anyways they throw buckets at the guys and it's HILARIOUS and not at all uncomfortable, guys run away in terror and the girls are like YEAH GIRL POWER!!! Then they find out about mistake and apologize like good friends, people and normal humans would b/c even for pervin that was extra  no just kidding LOL They actually keep it a secret becausE LOL GIRL POWER STRONG RELATABLE FEMALE CHARACTERS AMIRITE WHO HASNT ABUSED THEIR FRIENDS WITHOUT ANY FEELINGS OF REMORSE OR GUILT LOL (also nanako saw that all bad influence on child)

since the friendships are all so wholesome and not at all toxic or unhealthy the guys totally write this off and try to explain themselves to the girls. NO, actualyl, since Tedide and Yosuke are still such ENDEARING characters they instead decide to molest girls in sleep RELATABLE but uh oh they accidentally molest fatty and uggo old teacher who looks 30 and then fatty and teach are like cool let's fuck and like REAL TEENS they are grossed out at being offered sex because yuck women over 20 and fatty also why are fatty and "old" lady hangin out anyway?? Apparently if ur gross u hang out together, b/c that's how it works rite. such grea t non contrivences

Nanako is dying whatever who cares 

Namatame then kidnapps nanako or somth who cares dojima dies but NOT REALLY

then they go to heaven because nanako is sad but nobody gave a shit narukami never cared to ask or try to keep her company isn't he just so GREAT and considerate to the girl being boderline abused and neglected in his own fuckin house no who cares BUT NOW WE CARE RIGHT GUYS

Namatame is cray cray and his boss design is uggo and bullshit

Nanako dies, Yosuke advocates MURDER because he is still SO ENDEARING and player has to chose EXACT FUCKIN DIOLOGUE WITH NOT ONE MISTAKE OR EVERYTHIGN SUCKS AND ITS ALL UR FAULT also in some endings you murder because fuck you 

but then if u dont murder NANAKO WAS DEAD BUT NOT REALLY but only if u dont murder so congrats u were emotionally manipulated into killing the mentally ill b/c ur so great good job

then it turns out Namatame you know how he was cray cray well turns out he wANST REALLY CRAY he just had plot-convient-tempo-insanity-itius as the doctors call it then u talk to him and u know how he was the killer? Welll...NOT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY he was actually good guy u almost killed innocent man fck u then u have three chances to guess killer and only u can and if you dont get it in three guesses you get, as the doctors call it, plot-convient-stupid-cant-think-anymore-itius and thus you run out of time and nobody in the world can guess except you and even over the next three months nobody can guess because who cares I guess lol 2 ppl r dead it turns out you know quirky relatable cop man well NOT FUCKIN REALLY he is actually crazy because he's bored and as everyone knows when youre bored you kill also he's sad that he doesn't have talent even tho he is sucessful detective???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? then god bullshit end of world or smth who cares

then everything is over also i forgot teddie disappears so sad but NOT REALLY

Christmas eve sex ( i banged rise on top of christmas cake) 

Girls can now cook character development girls learned how to cook 10/10 v progressive 

Then flash forward to three months later because fuck you and Yu is leavin because idk and the game ends BUT NOT REALLY ashkually you can get TRUE SUPER AWESOME ending if you are able to figure out that you have to go to junes for no reason except fuck you 

turns out the gas station attendent u know him? well he was super bored and he's actually a GOD WOWZERS so amazing did you know jesus was a part timer at a gas station????? NO??? That's why youre playing this sack of shit anyway humanity wants ignorance or so god says (sound familiar, Nyx??) and she almost wins BUT NOT REALLY Because yu has the power of frienship and you know that awesome scene of makoto fighting nyx? Well imagine thaT BUT SHIT b/c no buildup

for all ur xtra efforts u get teddie saying hearts are connected anime KH cliche (wasnt that so worth the extra bullshit dungeon) 

Yu is leaving SO SAD WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT P3 WUSS CAST? Your friend is dead? GTFO with those 1st world problems NARUKAMI HAS TO TAKE THE TRAIN TO SEE HIS FRIENDS THIS IS THE TRUE TRAGIC DRAMA WHAT COULD BE WORSE

THE END 0/10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

#3 - ASSULT OF THE CASH COWS

so p4 is gr8 rite m8? well no but apparentlly dumb 14yr old boys were like "omg this game half akcnowleges gays exsist so PROGRESSIVE also i can fuck mai waifu n have friends" and so p4 made a shit ton of money atlus saw dis money printin out and were like $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so dey were lyke "lets release a buncha shit”

Persona 4 The Animation: Imagine the same shitty p4 plot but with EVEN MORE HOMOPHOBIA!!!!! also racism!!!! plus MORE FAT JOKES!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaahahahahah also the animation is piss poor shit!!! Doesn't this sound wonderful????? 

Persona 4 Arena: So Atlus was lyke yannao wat totes goes with our super serious and super "mature" jrpg seriess? Do u kno? BLAZBLUE!!!!! The over the top weeb fighting game!!! YEah son!!!!! So anyways a fighting game comes out with barely any playable characters??????? Great. Fantastic not the least bit fanficy character writing. Also, there is a plot b/c dis shit be canon. Dats right!!! Now you may be thinking "mmmm how does that work????" well the geneiuses at atlus say "B/C SHITTY P3 RETCON CHARACTER IS SAD ABOUT DESTROYING FRINEDS WHOLE TV WORLD BECOMES ARENA WERE PEOPLE HAVE TO FIGHT FRIENDS" and u may hear that and wonder?? "what deh fuck, wasn't tv world gone also when did this ever happen in p4????" to which fanboys proply accuse u of hating fighting games and behead u. 

So at this point in time, P4 is offically dead. It is dead as doornails. but atlus is lyke "Hey let's rape the corpse" and they release shitty remake on overpriced shit system nobody bought. You may be wondering "2012 didn't p4 only come out less than five years ago????" to which atlus says "shut the fuck up and give us money" hence P4 Golden

Persona 4 Golden: Added marie, inistant failure trashfire BUT WAIT!!!! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!!!! Added events!!! 

a) Yosuke wants dick wet and will cum if he feels boobs on his back!! So Yu and Yosuke team up to get shitty dumb ugly bikes b/c they're sooooo cooool rite mitsuru? You and ur dumb motorbike p4 is the real mature game. Anyway. Then they go hit on girls and yosuke gets one!!! YAY!! BUT OH NO!!! IT'S ACTUALLY STUPID FATSO STILL THINKIN SHE'S HOT WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY STUPID BC SHE'S FAT!!! She then sits on yosuke's bike and it breaks because lol shes fat get it get it get it get it????? Doesn't this add so much to the story??? RICH NARATIVE RIGHT GUYS?!

b) BEACH TIME!!! Because that's where the real compelling drama is!!! Anyway they go to the beach and yuckerbears kanji is in a speedo!!! Gross!! I hope yosuke doesn't catch the gay!!! Then teddie tries to molest the girls bc he's such an endearing character lol then kanji's bathing suit falls off!!!! How did this happen u may ask?? ANIME MAGIC!! So then they dress kanji in seaweed like birth of venus and girls scream and run. the end. 

c) Fireworks festival yay time ted-fiya so memorable. Yosuke wants to murder Teddie bc PORN so funny haha more fat jokes also teddie wants 2 bang nanako

d) Nanako is sad again whatever who cares

e) Halloween party!!! BUT NOT REALLY!!

f) SKIING TRIP!!!! YAY!!! P3 REFERENCES!!! YAY!!! Shiptease!!! Yay!!! Teddie steals food so Naoto advocates for his MURDER!!! YAY!! IF YOU DID MARIES SLINK YOU GET XTRA AWESOME DUNGEON!! ALSO IMPLIED RAPEY SEX IN THE SNOW BUT NOT REALLY!!! ANYWAY turns out that marie sucked up the ameno sagiri fog! What u thought it just went away on its own?? BULLSHIT!!!! Next you'll be questioning the ever so important role of NPC John Smith in creating Izanami's gas attendent disguise. Or NPC Billy Bob in giving Ameno Saigiri directions to the boss fight. RIVETING DIOLAUGE LIKE "is this like the part in movies where the bad guys lair collapses??????" WORST GIRL IS DEAD BE SAD EVERYONE ELSE IS U MONSTER!!! BUT NOT REALLY!!! INSTEAD SHIP FUEL!!!! Also marie is polite for half second, AMAZES ENTIRE CAST GREAT WRITING!!!!!!!!! dont u love it when ur friends treat u like shit? then there’s a lovely scene where the dudes perv on the girls who are sexaulized and marie attacks them. Riveting. Then they all died and we were all happy. 

g) New years eve. That is all. also new stupid persona evolutions that look stupid. 

h) Valentine's DAY!!! I bang Rise on the da beach!!! Also if u slink with marie at all she forces you to cheat!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

i) OH, NO! Yosuke is going to have to move maybe idk wasnt he supposed to want to move??? idk shut up. anyways. to keep yosuke miserable his friends have to become a band in TWO DAYS!!!! How will they ever do that??? well guess what with zero experience the entire group becomes master musicians in TWO DAYS!!!!!!! That's right, it's that easy!!!! U 2 can become as good as Green Day in two Days!!!! not that they ever play again lol or ever bring this up again lol. Then the dudes jump into the crowd and lol the crowd dodges thme aand nothing is accomplished. 

j) New super awesome epilogue you only get if you slink marie even tho she isn’t there for 90% of it whatever the new designs suck

Anyway since the game isn't slice of life enough you can now bang rise in the movies and the hot springs also you can go out at night so exciting.

You can now force Naoto into sexy outfits against her will because isn’t it so cute when girls don’t like being objectified??? Also they molest her at the hot springs??? Also 

So yeah P4G sucks ass. But ATLUS didn't stop there!!!! OH no! Atlus then went on to make Persone Q!!! They decided this time to drag innocent bystander P3 as well!!

Persona Q: some bullshit about a dying girl causes the P3 and P4 cast to meet in a wonderful culture festival crossover!! With lovely gameplay and no regression in character!! Chie always had nothing to her past loving meat right????? Also yu can fuck the dog from p3!! isnt this so believable and not the least bit stupid or contrived? isn't it?? Isn't it???????? Not much to say its just dumb surely Atlus must be done now right?? RIGHT?? WRONG!!!!!!

 Now you see since P4G came out, OBVIOUSLY the anime needs to be partially remade! You may be asking, isn't the anime less than TWO YEARS old at this point? Why remake it? Did golden really have such a different story? No. 

P4 Golden Animation: Marie, marie, marie, marie, ten episodes of marie, never goes anywhere, confusing and boring af but look 16 yr olds in bikinis and nude and not totally shit animation so it's ok right? RIGHT? RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P4 at this point has been raped to death all over again and the corpse is still being fucked and they won't just let it die. BUT NO!!!! Enter p4 arena ultimax!!

P4 Arena Ultimax: B/c the first was so great, they made another!! Game so nice they made it twice!! but now the dark hour from p3 is back because idk we ran out of ideas. Also junpei and koromaru and adachi great. But guess what!!!!!! AWESOME NEW CHARACTER!! His name is sho!! He is the secret son of dude from P3, how is this possible? fuck you. Anyway he is so tragic and sad he hates friendship!! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! :((((( But never fear!!! The p4 team will show sho the glory of frienship isnt this so interesting and original and great????

p4's violated, torn up corspe now has zero dignity left so atlus decided to reanimate the corpse with dead horse dildos and force it to dance 

P4 DAN: Dancing. Shit dancing. Nobody knows how to dance. Remember how P4 used to be about murder and accepting uncomfortable truths???? Well now its about shittily animated dances. Isn't this so great? Guess what we lean about the characters? We learn that they can't fuckin dance and watching them is cringy af. Also now the tv world is a dance stage because the tv world just does whatever the fuck we want it to. what if a characters shadow is a rapist, would they be forced to rape?? is that how atlus would make a porn game?? if we wanted to make a chess game a famous chess player who feels forced to play chess will then make u forced to play chess. .... so obivously, the P4 fandom realized that Atlus was raping their game and refused to buy it right?? RIGHT??? WRONG. They actually will castrate you with a rusty carving knife if you ever so much as imply P4 is a cash cow.

It totally is tho

[cloneslugs]

the whole venture family

for rando headcanons ur gonna get hmm a little more than anticipated sorry this is like a lot of reading..

Rusty

Sexuality Headcanon: hmm bi but he really prefers guysGender Headcanon: trans guy but not completely binaryA ship I have with said character: brock + himA BROTP I have with said character: im not gonna say Brock since i already kinda put him for romance, so i’ll go my conjectural tech boysA NOTP I have with said character: probably him & pete since thats the other pop thingA random headcanon: really wary around guns mostly bc of trauma & thats why Brock started using a knife, general social anxiety mostly stemming from being trans & also feelings of inadequacy but Brock helps w that, loves to stargaze, just really loves to go on and on about science and in a sence how beautiful the world is, doesnt sleep well most nights on account of nightmares so he usually just sits in bed or maybe paces around & checks in on his kids, hed check in on Brock but if he gets up then its a sure thing Brock is up as well, doesnt know how to quite hate his dad and it frustrates him, super lazy & whiny he tries to get Brock to carry him everywhere bc what are boyfriends & bodyguards for, cant stand watching his cartoon, never laughs at the stories that Team Venture tells & doesnt understand why other people do, good friends with Sheila, shes pretty secretive about her life & all but he feels like she gets him, hes actually cool w Malcolm & figures hes just kinda annoying, loves his kids more than anything in the world, suicidal since he was a young teen probably, flirted w Brock ALL the time when he first got him, hates loud noises & cant sleep through thunderstorms, babies his kids endlessly, he loves to talk and talk and talk but most people shut him down as a kid w that so hes afraid to now, REALLY LOVES DOGS, his family is such a saving grace he doesnt understand why they love him so much but they do and he wishes he could be better for them, his family really rekindled the warped sense of family he had growing up, General Opinion over said character: i love him i love him more than anything he is such a comfort character i love him i love him

Hank 

Sexuality Headcanon: bi/pan he doesnt care what you call itGender Headcanon: nb trans boyA ship I have with said character: sirena !!!A BROTP I have with said character: Dean ofcA NOTP I have with said character: hmm idk idk any other decent hank pairings unless u demons want me to step in ugly territoryA random headcanon: he came out a few years before Dean did !! constantly calls Brock dad much to his annoyance, partly as a joke & partly bc he really does consider Brock his dad, unapologetically trans & not het he probably is the loudest & proudest in the family, hates vegetables, eats dry cereal as a snack, really into cryptids, hates bananas, doesnt know how to sit still, always excited and on the move, hes probably the most comfortable socially in the family, loves to treat Dean as if hes his actual baby brother, considers basically anyone whos a good friend as family, prefers dogs to cats, really flexible and is constantly climbing on things, he really likes monkeys, stays out of the DC or Marvel debate he just likes Batman, he knows how to catch squirrels and birds and it really freaks his parents out, hes planned his parents wedding since he was like 6 w Dean and ya boys are waiting, very affectionate and cuddly, loves to just sit w his family, likes to help Brock w chores but he sucks, totally thinks Brock could beat Batman in a fight, wants to start a family band but brock called that lame, likes to squish bugs but only if they are small, hates long trips especially when he has to sit still or everyone else stopped talking, really good at random talents he looked up online & thought were cool, the best hugger in the familyGeneral Opinion over said character: lovely lovely boy !!!! love him love him !!!! beautiful smile would give anything for him!!!!

Brock

Sexuality Headcanon: unpop opinion time but hmm very gayGender Headcanon: nb & uses he/him A ship I have with said character: rusty & him !!!A BROTP I have with said character: shoreleave ?A NOTP I have with said character:  womenA random headcanon: he’s mentally ill but pretty subtle w it and all, hes pretty anxious and paranoid esp involving the Venture’s safety, he doesnt sleep well bc he is a very light sleeper & also he just. cant do it very easily, really poor sleep schedule he only gets to bed after the Ventures are asleep and he checks security & maybe gets a few chores out of the way like dishes or smth & he always wakes up way early before the ventures, trust issues mostly from years of OSI work & esp from Molotov constantly backstabbing him, Doc is v important to him bc he is a big source of trust but also comfort he always knows how to calm Brock down, actually very shy he hates crowds & doesnt like talking  to people, really into fashion & stuff but doesnt get into bc Mr Blood On Everything, way into poetry, hes always felt so rough and tumble like all hes supposed to do is hurt other people and go out and be on the attack bc thats kinda the mindset he was raised with w a shitty stepdad and other people in his small hometown and he thoughts thats all he would be thats why he joined football even though he didnt care for it & thats why he loves the Iron Giant & why protecting the Ventures is so important bc he can keep things safe and have a sweet family and be gentle for once in his life, he fell for Rusty first,cat person, knows nothing abt Jonas & his Team, in a constant fued w Action Man esp just bc the dude is a dick & awful, really emotionally detached & generally apathetic outside the Ventures but he wishes he wasnt, he doesnt know how to talk about himself & his emotions or anything that really goes on in his head, he finds OSI work really draining and mehhh not his thing but he feels like its kinda cool so he does it, leaving after the family slays together is like his biggest regret and makes him feel really guilty & hes not good at forgiving himself for lots of things but especially that, he used to not care about dying before he met the ventures, the family is basically his anchor, he has a very detached idea of Self & Who He Is personally, hes impulsive to the point of suicide mostly bc hes not a good thinker in heavy situations and he has trouble wrapping his head around things,very sentimental w the family, he flusters really easy bc romance is not his strong suit and its kinda a new ballgame for him, decent cook, really bad at math but good at memorizing things about other people and random facts, he would rather die before he lets those ventures get a papercutGeneral Opinion over said character: hmm one tough dude

Dean

Sexuality Headcanon: gay !!! Gender Headcanon: trans guyA ship I have with said character: Jared !!!A BROTP I have with said character: hank !!!!A NOTP I have with said character: hmmm idrk !!! not a lot of pickings lolA random headcanon: even tho his family is LGBT he still has really bad anxiety about it, socially anxious & bad at eye contact, loves to collect stuffed animals, kisses frogs when he finds them so maybe theyll turn into a prince he still does this even when hes older but in secret, really loves disney movies, social dysphoria makes him nervous w dating, doesnt like to pick a favorite animal even though its giraffes, but doesnt like to get in the debate of cats v dogs even though he prefers cats, crybaby like the rest of his family, babied by everyone else and he kinda hates it, brock loves them equally but he especially babied dean when they were little, mostly bc him & dean were Venture Safety Patrol and always trying to keep the others from doing something dumb or dangerous, likes to garden & keep plants but hes really forgetful so Brock either has to take over or they die, cries during horror movies, big hand holder, gets frustrated with himself really easily especially growing up, likes to paint nails, smells every flower & pets every animal he can get his hands on, cant handle when people argue w him or w each other, took him a while to realize he was gay and now its really confusing and frustrating for him so he kinda ignores it as much as he can, only comfy wearing short sleeves around his family, best at making flower crowns, loves to style Brocks hair, cant go to bed unless he kisses everyone goodnight, really bad at paying attention he daydreams a lot, collects feathers, gets drained easily in most situations, the king of platonic kisses, likes to color, most comfy around his family & they know hot to take care of him the best, overwhelmed easily, smiles at dogs he sees being walked, refuses to kill spiders or bugs, scared of big bugs but makes Brock put them outside, if its cute he wants it, cant skip rocks even though brock & hank try to teach him, when hes overwhelmed he sits w his family, really bad balance, probably the Venture that gets the most hugs & kisses but its a close raceGeneral Opinion over said character: trying & tired

[bamboozle-floozle-shiznit]

First of all:

It’s interesting, this life we live. Isn’t it? Its like a movie and you’re the main character and no one gives you a script, but you feel like everyone else is reading from one and you need to improvise lines to deal with them. Here’s the mindfuck: they’re also the main character to themselves and believe they’re improvising as they go along.

“What’s my point?” I hear you say

My point is no one really knows what they’re doing here!

Most of us are just moving along, making it up as we go. Few of us have our lives planned out and even then life hits them HARD. I learnt a lot while in University, and maybe if I was a more active blogger at the time I’d have built a decent following and made use of that to push some ideas I’ve had laying dormant. No regrets though. Making a mountain out of a mole hill was my middle name in my teens. I was almost always planning, paranoid and anxious about something. I had a good way of hiding it: Preoccupying myself with other people’s problems and having a smoke or a drink with my guys in the evenings. It was very effective, numbing the anxiety and my worries but didn’t take them away. Sometimes it added more but on most days I just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed my time with people who were like me.

Now that I’m through with my philosophical musings:

WELCOME TO THE B-SIDE OF CRAB: THE DOUBLE LP by TOSAN

Hey guys! I promised a double post this weekend right? Here it is. I hope you’re happy. Bother. I deserve an accolade, blogging is a bitch to do, I love it but still.

So this post will have two topics in it:

My NYSC Experience

A life lesson I wish to share for my readers

The two will be interwoven because they’re relevant to each other, but it will be obvious when I am talking about one over the other.

In my final year of University I was extremely pressured to make it to a 2:1. In the previous post I told y’all I got out with a 3.56 but didn’t tell you how. It was a long push from my 300 level when I realized if I kept slacking I’d finish “badly”. So, I went hard and studied and was so anxious that I’d fail but I ended up getting to it. It felt really good because people knew I was on a 3.49 all the way to the end of my first semester of 400. I was on a 3.49 for a year!

It was after my finals that I got to 3.56 and it felt really good. The congratulations, the look on my mom’s face, my statement of result was lit so if I had to go for job interviews I’d look good.

I remember how hard I worked and how scared I was. I should’ve realized that all I needed to really do was work hard, pray and live life, be happy. I stressed till I graduated. I can’t even remember some things because of it.

Fast forward to NYSC registration and all that. I got the second batch, low-key I was stressing the registration because of placement and I wanted to serve quickly and keep it moving but it didn’t go the way I wanted because I didn’t get the first batch. I was sad but it ended up for good because I was able to graduate, celebrate my birthday and buy materials and learn from others mistakes because I went with the second batch. Also I was able to pick my certificate in peace. Some of my mates don’t have it yet cause they’re in other states. See why you shouldn’t stress?

Camp was quite the experience. I was at Lagos camp, some of you will hiss and say just Iyana Ipaja, it was sha still camp and if you don’t think it was worth it because it was close, that’s your cuppa tea.

So let’s develop a system before I start narrating the experience. I’ll divide it into weeks so I can summaries and I remember that I promised we won’t have a repeat of my month recap in the previous post.

You know what, fuck that. Take it how I type it.

So my first week was interesting. I was still trying to get used to it all. The bugle, the meals, the morning parade and all. I was in boarding school for my Junior Secondary Years so it was not that hard.

This was a typical day at camp, NOT ACCURATE, just a loose replication

4:45 : Morning Parade

7am: Breakfast

9am: Lectures

12:30: SAED

2PM: LUNCH

4PM: Man O War/Drills

6:30PM: Dinner

8:30pm: Socials (or for some of us Mami Flexing)

10:30PM: Lights out

So, as you can see it was a regimented life. Except Sundays.

Ordinary first day o, I got to the gate and this gate man saw matches abi was it lighter and was disturbing my life about if I smoke, telling me he will not do anything, bla bla me I was looking at him like

I acted all innocent. In the end he let me go.

God. Registration. REGISTRATION.

SEE, THIS LIFE, OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS.

Over 1000 smelly Nigerians gathered at the door of a hall and we were all tired. I had no idea I could’ve waited till the next day. Took it so seriously, put it on my head like a hawker and stayed there for hours. It wasn’t that bad though. I got in pretty early and registered did it all. I got Platoon 1.

Wait. I need to do this:

PLATOON1!!!! ACTION!!!!!

PLATOON WAAAAANNN!!!! ACTION!!!!

Okay I’m done.

So I got Platoon 1. S/O to Aunty Chioma, Poppin lady. She was awesome. We were the best platoon btw, I’m not hyping, we had the most 1sts and had the Overall best Corp member. Our Platoon leader Mr. Maleghemi Joseph aka Mr. Macho aka RJ aka baddest rapper, and inspirational leader.

After getting my platoon, I went in to get a room. See that my room ehn, we started very well but then I started to have issues with some of them because they made me welfare officer and some guy was being difficult. I digress. I went back to finish registration after getting settled in my room and got my kit . Please if your father works at NYSC, slap him for me, if it’s the two parents, slap them and then slap yourself. These people made us fill our sizes in the online registration and then we got there and almost everyone got random sizes. I was actually lucky and I got a goo jacket and crested vest. The rest were OP: OFF POINT.

I took the kit and chose not to slim them in camp because I wasn’t going to get bled dry just to look good, I found a way to look presentable for the Swearing in Ceremony.

The days went by and I applied for OBS. For those who don’t know, OBS is Orientation Broadcasting Service, the coordinators were from an older batch. S/O to Femi, Yetunde, TTuoyo, Ifeanyi and DJ Fingaz! I was advised to join OBS by my brother who was also in OBS and loved it. So I went for the interview and turns out I was good enough, they even made me Head of Editorial, that is the part of OBS that handles announcements and programmes. The engineering side handles Sound and Setup for Programmes. I was happy, not knowing that was the beginning of my problems in camp. 😦

Some fun activities I engaged in include:

Man o War Obstacle Course

Drilling (Marching Drills)

Drama (Qualifiers)

Dance (1st)

Talent hunt (3rd)

Kitchen duty (yeah, it was fun somehow)

OBS duties.

Other activities included:

Football (disqualified 😂)

Table tennis(QF)

Volleyball(1st)

Miss Petite (3rd)

Big, bold and Beautiful (Qualifiers)

SAED presentation ( 1st)

Lions den(3rd)

Debate (Quarter finals)

Cooking competition (2nd)

I engaged in some more than others and some “took my blood. Man O War literally got me slightly injured when I went the second time. (I went twice don’t ask how) I didn’t engage in drills past the first week because it clashed with other things I was doing. Dance I didn’t engage in fully, just some rehearsals. I did engage fully in drama but we didn’t get past the first stage. No regrets though it was fun. Our drama was about a village with Lassa fever and two corp members who came to the village to start a health center and a stubborn dibia (my humble self) who wouldn’t accommodate them. He ended up getting the disease too and was treated..

BUT

  We were robbed of the second round in that play. It’s my blog let me vent. A young nigga like me, I wrote the script, and my lovely friend and someone who I admire from the depths of my heart, Faith, was stage manager and director. S/O to Ekene, Precious, Tobi, Uche, Jennifer, Vicky, , Make-up, Emmanuel, Stage hands, The guards, Extras,David (Director also but he was always busy drumming for dancers) and anyone I forgot.

We were the second platoon to present a play and the drama was spread across three days. We got the loudest applause for our day and even had to do an impromptu closing that we didn’t plan for and the crowd LOVED IT. So how, you ask, did we not qualify. Turns out on the final day another God forsaken platoon , platoon 9, did the same thing but executed it better. When we watched the second round, I wondered how some of the other platoons with a horrible play qualified over us. Some said it was because they forgot us since no one from our day qualified. Uh, Bullshit. Whatever. I still hold a grudge against them. I lost my voice over that play.

Dance group was amazing. They were first position. I’m glad I was able to famz their rehearsals and be on the group chat.

We also won Mr. Macho thanks to Joseph.

For the talent hunt i was reluctant to audition but Faith egged me on and when I did the judges said I gave the best performance of the day.

I perform like Josh Norman, I ain’t normal, nigga

Unfortunately, i couldn’t replicate it in the finals.

  How? Well, we were third in the Talent Hunt, also thanks to Joe and I performed but apparently my mic wasn’t working I was told. Dunno why the judges didn’t stop me and tell me.

We were first in volleyball, that was for babes.

OBS was crazy. It was fun but we didn’t take advantage of our opportunities to be remembered because we were all not serious. I even chased one dead guy from the thing sef. I fell sick from the stress at a point.

We also had a camp carnival and a special night when Small Doctor, KENNYBLAQ, Ruggedman, 9ice and ahost of other scame through.

OOO, Tobi Bakre from Big Brother came and most of the girls lost their shit:

Some girls were like:

  One weirdo in particular did this

HAHA YOU THOUGHT.

The food was… Food. I ate it sometimes but mostly patronized Mami.

All in all it was quite the experience

Tips for prospective corp members

Carry money at least 20k

Make friends but good with everyone

Try to enter your room first when they’re allocating so you can pick a good spot.

Don’t charge you phone at Mami if you can help it. People’s panels got destroyed because so many phone were charging.

Use the laundry if you can’t wash. There’s never really time. Laundry’s cheap.

Balance the days you eat at Mami.

Befriend your platoon inspectors.

Be active in camp, it’s a stepping stone to success.

Over rules

Come a day early or a day late. Not on the main day.

Carry your credentials. All of them. Especially certificate and statement of result and an ID card

Join an SDG group.

Don’t dodge morning parade if you can, Information is  passed and Man O War chants are really fun

Be humble, do not engage soldiers when they order you because they’re just following orders. They will miss you when you are gone.

Take a leadership role in camp at least once. It builds character and patience

Carry a Sweater, preferably white, for Cold days and Shades for Hot days

One fulfilling moment in camp was when I was recognized by the Camp commandant. We had a bad start because he came to chase us from rehearsals when it was coinciding with drill and I threw a fit. He saw it and was pissed and I legit stared him down till my platoon mates pushed my head to look down as a sign of submission. Then I apologized. In the final night of camp I came to drop asun and drinks for my OBS colleagues assigned to the staff party, he called me and reminded me of the altercation and said I changed his mind about me because I was really active for my platoon all over camp and he also saw me Emceeing the Camp Carnival. I was blushing like a fool because he is known to be very difficult. His nickname is delete because he chased a couple corp members from camp, yeah, he de-camped them and so he threatened others with the term. His favourite quote “I will delete you!” .

The man ended up being most popular camp official. See why you should not fuck with anyone, just be a badass and people will love you. This was me

It felt good to be recognized and I learnt that people are always watching and admiring from afar when you do good or bad, you end up building a reputation for something. So don’t look for recognition just enjoy when it comes to you and do good in any endeavor you’re in.

Now to the life lessons I learned

Don’t take yourself too seriously: in camp I fell sick because I was stressed by someof the activities I was involved in. OBS was tasking because of a certain man who keppt threateningly us cause we were pretty lazy tbh and I’m ashamed about that. I took things on my head and rarely asked for help

Ask for help: people around you are ready to do things if you ask nielg. Even as a leader delegate wok and remind them that you trust them and need them. Don’t boss them around. It’s hard to remember in the eat of the moment of.but if you do you’ll make a great leader

Challenge yourself and Do it: if you feel like doing anything, do it. Don’t be shy or scared because fear is an illusion. Even if it is something you have never done, challenge yourself. If you feel nervous tell yourself you’re excited and your body is gearing up to shock the world. It works!

Have a support system: every other day I’d go to Mami with pals and drink and gist. Having a support system to take care of you when you’re stressed and need to vent helps you get over things. I appreciate my friends I made in camp and they’re all headed for greatness.

Be disciplined: I watched my friend Joseph in camp and noticed that the he was highly disciplined. Probably from his man o War days. Admired that. He was also platoon leader ad when he became most outstanding corp member. I was screaming in elation because he desred it.

Celebrate yourself and others: I know I said I had a grudge with the drama thing but really it’s no biggie. Learn to celebrate others victories and also be kind to yourself when. You lose. I learnt that from Faith who I told I’m always hard on myself that it won’t do me any good. I learnt to take it easy and always be kind to myself. So I’m leaving that with y’all!

DANCE: God I danced well in that case. Dancing is a joyous activity. You don’t need to know all the latest steps just have fun at the party. Or even if it’s not a party, play some music and dance. Take someone else along to dance with you, especially if you are the shy type. You’ll be happier for it

Ignore naysayers and Don’t be a naysayer: Ignore people who tell you you can’t do it. In the words of Kanye West. “Any pessimist I don’t talk to them, plus I ain’t have no phone in my apartment. ” Also don’t be a naysayer. Be a cheerleader!

Be grateful: gratitude goes a long way. Be grateful to God, to your neighbour, to the air, and everything around. When you can remember to just say thank you to think air. It sounds like some mystic weird zen shit but it works either way

Everything works out for good: While trying to crate this post I typed on my phone and my laptop but I did not have the full draft on PC, so when I got to work this evening, I did not see the full draft. I tried to connect my phone to the work Wi-Fi and it was misbehaving. I panicked a bit but in the end  I called the neighboring hotel that is under the company and got it reset and voila! Do not sweat the small stuff, the extra time I got helped me refine the post for your reading pleasure and  I got an idea I will share at the bottom of the post!

So, that’s that!

Here are some pictures from camp!

      Sometimes I will do reviews of the songs of the week courtesy Wax Poetic. I will also do movie reviews and opinion polls.

Next week’s topic will be about the candidates running for the office of President. I will do an expose on them. Also, its payday! Yaay, so i will be doing my first giveaway. So check in on my next post next weekend!

If you want me to review your album or track or want me to do something on this blog or a collaboration with you, hit me up here. I won’t review my upcoming project because it’s unethical.

See y’all next week

  Give some love to a stranger today

BYE

CRAB: THE B SIDE First of all: It's interesting, this life we live. Isn't it? Its like a movie and you're the main character and no one gives you a script, but you feel like everyone else is reading from one and you need to improvise lines to deal with them.