#having emotions about a middle grade novel again

[kanerallels]

Listen. It's about the fact that Ms. Baker (an English teacher) is married to a man named after a character from Shakespeare's plays (and maybe that's why she loves them! Or maybe they're the reason she first had interest in him)

But it's not just any Shakespeare character. Oh, no. It's Tybalt, from Romeo and Juliet

And it's probably unintentional-- probably just a random Shakespearean name

But Tybalt in the play dies fighting

And Tybalt in the book goes missing in action, presumed dead, fighting in the Vietnam War

BUT he comes back! He doesn't die, unlike the play's Tybalt. And that makes me think of this part

Unlike Shylock, Tybalt isn't trapped. He can be something else, he doesn't have to die. He's not trapped in the script of a tragedy. He can come home, and he does

[cripplecharacters]

Hello!

I have a character I am considering be OCD (or possibly OCPD) and she is the narrator/POV character for a large portion (1/3) of the book. My issue is, if I decide to give her any condition related to compulsions, intrusive thoughts, etc, how do I get across the severity of the condition while neither pounding the readers over the head to the point of boredom/frustration, nor minimizing/erasing her symptoms by just ignoring them until they are relevant to the story? (The plot's focus is not on her disability, but disability is an underlying current through the whole book.)

I think this would be much easier of a balance to strike if it were a short story, especially since i have written short stories before from the POV of characters with similar issues, but this is going to be a full-length novel, and she'll probably be the narrator for like 60,000 words, and that is a lot longer for a reader to keep interest in her.

To be clear, I'm not asking for a list of symptoms or anything like that. I have been doing research and continue to, for that. I'm just wondering how to strike the balance between those experiences and turning off the reader from repetitiveness.

Hi asker,

What I think is you don't always have to describe all the thoughts in detail. If there's common themes/recurring imagery or the like in her thoughts, you could focus on that to minimize repetitiveness.

For example, if one of her themes is that she worries she might accidentally hurt someone, you could describe it in the first times it happens in-story as something like...

"As I walked next to Michael, I worried i might hurt him without intending to. What if I tripped and fell onto him? We were near the road. I always worried. I focused on counting my steps to make sure nothing would go wrong."

As in, you don't have to specify how exactly she's worried it might happen, or that her brain is giving her thoughts that it could happen in way A and B and C. And then, at some other point, when the triggering situation happens again, you can do something like,

"Michael walked next to me. I counted my steps. He told me about...."

However, you can absolutely embrace that repetitiveness as a narrative style. The more repetitiveness you write in, the more anxiety you are conveying, because you're conveying the thought loop that OCD causes.

You can also focus on the emotions your character feels during thought loops and compulsions to varying degrees. Sometimes she might be more distressed than other times. Sometimes she might just be annoyed. Sometimes she believes the compulsions more, sometimes she tries harder to resist them.

I would actually suggest picking up books with protagonists with OCD, just to see how this repetition is played with in the stories.

Books I can recall off the top of my head that I have read that have a protagonist with OCD are Turtles All The Way Down, The Goldfish Boy, and OCDaniel, and I don't remember myself getting turned off by repetitiveness at any point. I recommend them as interesting reads, but I read them all a while ago and can't go into much detail. They are all also YA or Middle Grade just because I enjoy those types of books, haha.

Hope this helps,

mod sparrow

[antianakin]

hiii, it's me again, someone who keeps popping in to say things nobody asked for lol. i was wondering if people who've been in the fandom longer (like you) agree with my impression that the novelizations are reallyyy important context for fanon interpretations? i didn't realize this until a discussion i had today iwth someone who helpfully summarized some of the popular prequel novels, which seem to match up really well with headcanons & fanon personalities. apparently stover emphasized obi-wan's devotion to anakin and how he's a ride or die for him. and apparently another popular novel wrote an adult obi-wan "as if a teenager in emotional maturity" which also would, you know- explain a lot.

the novels i've actually read are the jedi apprentice series, which i don't have much issues with, even though they certainly spin the trauma wheel lol. maybe it's been qui-gon and obi-wan both feel as if they are trying their best and their misunderstandings due to mutual action, rather than pure passivity? or maybe that even though the books have very dramatic conflicts that certainly put obi-wan in woobifiable situations, they more often than not help draw out distinct characteristics and strengths of his through those situations?

Just for clarity, I have NOT been in this fandom all that long by my own standards. I obviously did watch Star Wars as a kid and read some Star Wars fanfics when I was really young, but in terms of "participating in fandom" as such, that's really only been happening since like... 2021 maybe? It was basically a COVID byproduct, I had the time to consume some Star Wars stuff I'd never managed to get around to before and things devolved from there. And I honestly have read hardly any of the novels or comics myself, including the official film novelizations. Like you, the only books I've actually read are the Jedi Apprentice middle grade books, and that's really it.

So while I can speak to some of the experiences I've had in this fandom since I got into it a few years ago, I cannot speak to what fandom has been like since those novelizations were released almost 20 years ago now.

Matthew Stover's ROTS novelization seems to be pretty popular and considered one of the better novelizations. I've had people tell me that there's SOME evidence Lucas had something to do with the book and so it's often considered a fairly high level of canon as a result.

But the passage you're referencing where Stover emphasizes how Obi-Wan is "ride or die" for Anakin is genuinely one of the reasons I've never bothered to read it, no matter how pretty people say his prose is. If you want to actually see it yourself, I'll copy it below.

The line in question comes from an extended version of the scene in ROTS where Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu are discussing Anakin's reaction to being asked to spy on Palpatine as Yoda heads off to Kashyyyk.

“I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him." Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head. "Because," he admitted reluctantly, "he knows I would do the same for him.”

Interpret the scene how you will, I guess. The Anakin characterization meshes with how I tend to understand the character, but the Obi-Wan characterization could not be farther away from how I see him in canon.

I don't know anything about whatever novel wrote Obi-Wan as though he had the emotional maturity of a teenager. That doesn't ring any bells for me. It wouldn't surprise me at all if there are authors who've written Star Wars books that just simply don't like Obi-Wan all that much and so if he shows up in their work, he could come across as having the emotional maturity of a teenager because that's how that author chose to write him. It would seem odd for it to show up in an official film novelization, I would expect it more in some of the Legends content, but I suppose it's not impossible.

Legends content in general DOES have an impact on fanon and fan interpretations of Star Wars because, for a long while, it was the only way to GET more Star Wars content beyond the films themselves. For a lot of people, they were canon because there was nothing to refute them. And even once there was, people sometimes were still so attached to those stories that they preferred them to the story told in the films.

So, yeah, it can have a major impact on people's understanding of things. Often if you get into discussions about, say, the Jedi or the Force, people will bring up Legends content to prove their arguments. You shouldn't feel like this means you personally have to consume any Legends content you don't want to consume. I tend to avoid it most of the time. It is perfectly for you to just stick with the films or the shows or whatever books you find most interesting. And even within that, what you consider canon doesn't have to include literally everything you've chosen to consume. I've read the Jedi Apprentice books and enjoyed them, but it ISN'T real canon and I don't necessarily take any of it into account in my own interpretations of the characters. Legends content and Disney EU content is, in many ways, just officially licensed fanfiction. If you don't consider every fanfic you read to be canon, you do not have to consider every Legends book or comic you choose to read to be canon, either. Sometimes it's fun to just see other people's takes on Star Wars even if there's no way to fit into the canon story of Star Wars (as a side note, this is why I love Star Wars: Visions so much as a show).

I don't know if this really answered your question. As someone who doesn't consume a lot of Legends content and hasn't read a single one of the official film novelizations, I may not be the right person to ask about this.

[fairyofthehollow]

pls someone tell me how to deal with not being a teenage girl anymore i don’t think i can do it. i always drift between feeling excited and okay that i’m growing up and being utterly terrified / panicked and wanting so badly to be 16 or 12 again that i feel physically sick. and then feeling so horrible about not enjoying my teenage years and wasting them away that i’m about to end up doing the same for my early twenties. i know 20 is young but it also feels so old and like i should have everything figured out already. i know i have my whole life ahead of me but it doesn’t feel that way at all. society viewing women as ancient beings from -2 billion years ago when they hit 30 doesn’t help either. like? do i seriously just have 10 years (or will it be 5?) before people don’t see me as young and free or whatever the hell but then it’s like who caresss what people think agghhhhh. idk idk idk. i look at my mom who’s fifty this year and she’s as bright and active and smart and fun and youthful as ever. she’s going to the gym and she’s gonna start school again. i don’t see her as old, like at all. idk why i have such a hard time with me though. it also doesn’t help that ive never ever experienced any sort of romantic attention / interaction / intimacy :’) & it makes me think ooh boy the clocks really ticking. BUT ITS NOT WHY CANT I UNDERSTAND THAT!!!!!! but time moves so so quickly and it petrifies me into not even wanting to do things bc what if i end up wasting my time? what if i fail? why even try.

like im so excited bc im finally getting to know myself. high school was actual dookie water and i was a shell of a human but now im starting to feel alive again and like the world is actually big and not super tiny. im so excited for the summer bc i plan on trying new hobbies and reading a lot and doing a ton of crafts. i finally found clothes i love and feel comfortable in!! but what if my hobbies and interests end up seeming childish. do i have to retire those things when i get older? i just want to be able to be older and still wear converse and silly graphic tees or wear cute hairstyles and read fantasy novels (EVEN MIDDLE GRADE BOOKS BC THEYRE NOSTALGIC AND THEYRE REALLY GOOD) and idk rewatch phineas and ferb every once in a while if i feel like it without seeming crazy. idk :|

ugh. ive never felt so split in my emotions.

[angelosearch]

Every time I finish a writing session, I think to myself, "I can't wait to write again."

I cannot explain how good it feels to think that. I am near tears right now. I've fallen in love with writing again and I am so incredibly grateful.

As a kid, I loved writing. It was amazing to me, how words could evoke emotions. I looked forward to making people laugh or cry with my poetry and fiction, mostly in the form of over-achieving creative writing assignments and cards for family members. When I was 11-13, I lost so much family through death and estrangement, and I lost all of my friends because I moved. I was a weird kid, so I had trouble making friends in my new middle school. I felt alone in the world. Writing and fandom made a space where I could connect with others. A place where I could feel like an insider instead of an outsider.

Writing was my main hobby as a tween and that continued through high school. At that point, writing was a domain that held all my academic confidence. I went to a vocational high school for math and science (my two worst subjects) and literally had the second-lowest grades in my class of 41 students. My STEM-focused classmates made me feel like an idiot (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not) but I destroyed them in English or whenever a non-lab report paper was due.

So when it was time to select a college/major, writing felt like the only thing I was capable of. Undergrad Writing BAs (as opposed to English BAs with writing concentrations) are not common (at least as of 14 years ago, in the US) so the program I got into had basically every teenager who wanted to pursue writing on the East Coast in it.

I went in believing I would write "the next great American novel."

I came out thinking I was only good for writing technical stuff and marketing copy, if that.

Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot from the program, my professors, and my peers, but my peers were so skilled, and some of my professors were so ruthless, and some of the classes were so challenging that my confidence was obliterated. Writing was no longer something fun and expressive that could bring joy to others--no, it was my meal ticket and nothing else.

For years after my graduation, I tried here and there to get back into creative writing, but I was so burnt out on my jobs that creativity felt like a burden. Then, I spiraled downward with my mental health... I forgot I could love anything, nonetheless writing.

Journaling was the first thing to get me back into writing. And then personal essays. But the true joy came when I started writing fanfiction again, and it's been fucking magical.

I am obsessed with taking the ideas in my head and showing them to others. I love having to do deep research to understand something enough to write about it. I'm evoking emotion again! I'm connecting with people! And even my confidence is back thanks to the support of the amazing individuals who read and comment on my writing. ❤️

And maybe (specifically FFVIII) fanfiction is my main focus now, and maybe it always will be. But for the first time since I was a teenager, the idea of publishing something fictional or otherwise--publishing something that I WANT to write--feels obtainable.

It's cheesy, but hell, I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do. When I write, I feel like I fit in my body, like I can tune out my anxious thoughts, like I am home. What a gift. I hope everyone can find a hobby that makes them feel this way.

And I know writing will frustrate me at times. And someday it may not feel magical to do it. But for now, I am just so excited to release my words into the wild and see what they get up to out there.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me! Now, I'm going to go write. :)

[catty-words]

i loved being tagged in tag games by @bethanyactually. it's like getting a good grade in long-term internet friendship. 💖

3 Ships: devi/ben from never have i ever (always), nancy/ace from cw's nancy drew (because of the Studies), and maeve/otis from sex education because i recently dipped my toe back into my feels for them, though i pulled back out before i got to season four because i had other self-imposed fandom rituals to uphold and then i visited bethany and kelsey (the Studies!!!!!).

First Ship Ever: probably lizzie/gordo from lizzie mcguire. it was back before i understood what shipping was, but oh, the effect gordo's pining had on me........

Last Song: roses by carly rae jepsen from emotion: side b (2016)!! been playing the ep on repeat all day.

funny how carly albums always sneak up on me. i'm never especially taken with them upon first listen, then approximately four to eight months after the fact, i'll listen again on a lark and it's all i can think about. except for dedicated side b (2020) which had my heart from the word go.

Last Movie: i watched no hard feelings (2023) over the weekend! i was inspired by @dollsome-does-tumblr's tags about it being an unexpected comfort movie, and yeah! outside of being an hour and a half buick ad, it's also a really sweet movie.

Currently Reading: in the mood for winter, i'm listening to let it snow by maureen johnson, john green, and lauren myracle. in terms of physical books, i'm in the middle of happy for you by claire stanford - which i think i will get a lot out of thematically, but the pacing is kind of dragging. so just last night i also started unrealistic expectations by andie j. christopher. i get so easily annoyed with romance novels, and i do have my nitpicks with this one, but the woman protagonist untangling complicated feelings about a 10+ year relationship coming to an end and never really having to be involved in the dating scene til it feels a bit late to be learning the social scripts is working for me.

Currently Watching: the latest buzz. for free on youtube! i rewatched jane mulcahy's degrassi video recently and to chase the nostalgia, i started rewatching the latest buzz instead of degrassi? i don't know. take up the twisty-turny logic with my neurotransmitters. i just work here.

Currently Consuming: water

Currently Craving: hibernation. barring that, a day-long nap.

i've already tagged miss dollsome. @daydreamingandprocrastination, @andrenson, and @brella you're also it!

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Louder Than Hunger by John Schu

It has been a while since I've read a powerful, moving children's novel and I knew that Louder Than Hunger would scratch that itch. I would say that it firmly straddles the line between middle-grade and YA, as the protagonist is a young teen but the main subject matter (anorexia) is dark and it doesn't shy away from the graphic reality of that. It's probably best suited to readers aged 13+ and every reader should proceed with caution.

Jake loves books, musical theatre and spending time with his grandma. He hates food, mirrors and feeling enormous. He is desperate to avoid attention, so he tries his best to be as small as he possibly can be and not eating seems to be the only way to do that. How long can he possibly keep it up before he disappears?

Jake is haunted by the malevolent voice of his eating disorder, which consistently interrupts his thoughts, seemingly whenever he is otherwise having a good time. It's such an honest, accurate representation of how an eating disorder operates and makes for devastating reading that had me on edge the whole way.

Many readers will agree that there is nothing better than the smell of new books but Jake almost treats inhaling the scent as eating or consuming. This reversal of something that is so often considered to be harmless and calming was quite disturbing and just one of many examples of the damage within the mind of someone with an eating disorder.

I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food. I read every nutritional label, I count calories and I try my best to keep within my 'allowance'. I don't get physical symptoms when I fail to do these things but I think it does affect my mood. It's exhausting and difficult, so I can only imagine how hard it must be when it consumes your whole life.

Jake's description of how it feels when he eats and thinks about the food inside his body could only come from someone who has definitely had these thoughts before. It's so graphic and it actually made me feel queasy. I will actually go as far as to say that it caused me to be disgusted by eggs and cereal and other foods that I loved, so I would again urge precaution before encouraging young readers with disordered eating to read this book.

I think the saddest part of the book was that Jake is a strong empath and he is well aware of the worry that he is causing his family. Despite this, it's not enough for him to silence the voice, which is literally louder than his very natural hunger. He wants to eat but his mind simply won't allow him to. I think one of the book's strongest merits is the way it illustrates eating disorders as existing in the mind rather than the body. Many sufferers really want to eat and get better but their illness is just too fierce and controlling.

Louder Than Hunger is a thought-provoking, emotional read. I think I wanted Jake to build more on his friendships and for there to be a bit more of a plot. However, I have since learned that this is based on the author's own experience, which makes sense because it does read like a memoir in places. I'm really glad I read it because it's an important topic that young readers should be aware of and it's an accurate portrayal. It's authentic and hopeful but really quite raw, so take care of yourself while reading!

[brightbeautifulthings]

Dark Waters by Katherine Arden

"He could make a hard decision; he could do a dangerous thing. He could keep going even though he was afraid. That wasn't nothing."

Year Read: 2023

Rating: 4/5

About: Brian, Ollie, and Coco have spent the winter holed up reading ghost stories and looking for clues about how to defeat the Smiling Man. He's already come for them twice, and it's only a matter of time before he tries again. When a weekend getaway opportunity comes up, they all jump at the chance to hop aboard a boat and go sailing on the lake, far out of reach of anything sinister that's coming for them or their families. But when something huge and with a lot of teeth attacks the boat and leaves them stranded on a haunted island, they realize there's nowhere the Smiling Man can't reach-- and they're going to have to be brave and clever to escape him again. Trigger warnings: minor character death, drowning, severe injury, poisoning, threats.

Thoughts: I accidentally read this in a day, but in my defense, it has chapters from the previous books at the end, so it looks about forty pages longer than it is. With that in mind, I'm having a bit of trouble gauging the pace. My sense was that the ending was rather quick, but I can't tell whether that's because it needed to be developed more or because I was simply expecting it to be longer. Regardless, however, it's a middle grade novel, so brevity is probably a blessing there. There's a plot twist near the end that is definitely under-explained, but I'm hoping we get to see that in more detail in the next book.

While this isn't quite on the level of Small Spaces for me, I liked it so much more than Dead Voices. You know me; I love a good water monster, and while this one's biology is a bit unusual (for spoilery reasons I can't explain), it works. As expected, Brian gets a chance to shine here as the lead character, and I'm always impressed by the cleverness and resilience of this group of characters. Even as an adult, I'd have probably been dead a long time ago. This is less water horror than abandoned island horror, but I expect that will appeal to the target audience. There's also a truly beautiful gay pirates subplot that I would read a whole novel about, and it really strikes an emotional chord at the end of the book. As a warning, it leaves off on quite an intense cliffhanger, and I'd probably be more bothered by that if I didn't have Empty Smiles sitting in my to-read pile.

[spaceorphanssecondbreakfastclub]

SO's Bookclub: Nobody's There (and final thoughts on Joan Lowery Nixon)

Title: Who Are You? Author: Joan Lowery Nixon Genre: YA Mystery

Goodreads Summary :

How did Abbie Thompson end up a sidekick to Edna Merkel, Senior Citizen Pseudo-Sleuth? It all started when Abbie was so furious at her father for breaking up their family that she acted without thinking and was arrested for malicious mischief. The judge decided to give Abbie a chance at a clean record and arranged for her to volunteer in a program in which teens are matched with the elderly.

Abbie's "friend," Mrs. Merkel, is a cranky, difficult woman who's a member of the Buckler's Bloodhounds. The Bloodhounds provide the police with information about scams or frauds in the community. But Edna Merkel is too active a member, and after she brags that she's on to something big, she's attacked and ends up hospitalized. Suddenly the private investigator game is real and, with the help of Mrs. Merkel's indecipherable notebook, only Abbie can figure out who did it. But will Abbie get to the assailant before the assailant gets to her?

Review:

I know I stated that I had two more of these to go but this one kind of broke me. I do own one more of these - but it sounds so awful I have no desire to read it. There are actually possibly two other suspense books that Nixon wrote after that one that sound even less like her usual writing that I didn't bother to pick them up used. But this one kind of feels like I need to stop -- the experiment hasn't been fun for a while, and this was the most tedious, lukewarm experience of reading middle grade fiction.

The above summary kind of tells you all of it. A young woman named Abbie (who is supposed to be 17 but acts like she's 12) is having family issues. We're in Texas again, and this time daddy is a big douche, walking out on the family for a younger woman. Mom is understandably emotional - but kind of useless in the way so many of these mothers are in these books. It's hilarious that Abbie's bad behavior is throwing rocks -- because she had to be a delinquent but not do something so bad that she'd be labeled a 'bad girl'.

She starts hanging out with a stereotypical mean old woman (is Mrs. Merkel supposed to be a take on Miss Marple? Possibly but she is so irritatingly annoying). The thing is - there's no real mystery here. Abbie and Mrs Merkle fight for a majority of this book, Abbie wines about her family issues, and they kind of dance around crime issues until Merkle gets knocked on the head about 2/3rds of the way through.

We then go on a red herring chase after her nephew until there's a twist ending in that -- it's someone we've barely seen in the novel and it's all over some valuable trinkets Mrs. Merkle has.

It's just bad. It's just so bad. There's no personality to it. The novel takes way too long to set up its story, spends way too much time on Abbie's family drama, there's zero suspense in it at all, and zero mystery as nothing is really solved except in the last chapter or so.

I get that Nixon was nearing her death at this time, and she really was out of her heyday of writing campy 70s and 80s suspense thrillers. But it's kind of a shame these books go out so weakly. They were never the epitome of good writing - but they were at least fun. And they stopped being fun, well, around the time I stopped buying them. Maybe young me understood more than she knew.

I have to add - since I'm always watching for Nixon tropes - the insertion of a love interest here is so hilarious. There's this guy named Nick who keeps asking Abbie out. And it feels so obligatory. Abbie keeps thinking about how she should say yes, and at the end - she does agree to go to prom! But it's so forced. Almost like a mandate that there should be some sort of romance in the novel, even though it's so completely half baked and Abbie is just so not interested. I think one of the funniest aspect of all these novels is the reluctance to really have a romance in them.

Overall, this book just isn't great. There's nothing interesting going on here, and it's a shame that it's merely a shadow of the types of books Nixon used to write.

Rating : 2 stars.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reflection Time

I contemplated doing a whole different post for this, but I'm not sure I have enough to say (nor do I think that many of you are interested).

I do not regret reading through my Joan Lowery Nixon collection. It was a lot of fun to look through what I used to read as a preteen, and was nostalgic for a time when these campy thrillers were the norm. Interesting, too, that these were a step above the Christopher Pikes and the RL Stines.

But I think what really made the books work (or fun in rereading) was that they were set in that particular time period (mainly - the 80s). There was some genuine creepiness to be had before technology could help us, and Nixon, despite her wooden characters and her substandard, cliched plots was actually really good at making a book suspenseful no matter how ridiculous the premise was.

I think what kind of deflated the project was getting into the late 90s, when Nixon was at the end of her life, and kind of churning out the same product without any of the time period trappings, which made the books dull and repetitive.

I think something else interesting coming out of this reread was not realizing (as a kid) how many of the tropes were redundant. Nearly all of them are in Texas. There are definitely issues within the family - that dad is usually that wealthy cowboy oil guy. The mom is always so fragile. Sometimes there's a younger sibling whom the girl has to be strong for. And, more so in the beginning, there was that strong matriarchal figure. Plus, there's always the struggle of whether to go to school or not.

And, as I reflected about, the hilarious obligatoryness of needing a love interest - whether it was relevant or not. And how the guy was usually dumb or the villain of the piece.

So, I guess that's that...

I kind of kept a best to worst ranking as I went along, so for those of you who like a good list, here it is:

The Name of the Game was Murder

A Deadly Game of Magic

The Weekend was Murder

Whipsers from the Dead

The Haunting

Shadowmaker

The Dark and Deadly Pool

Murdered, My Sweet

Secret, Silent Screams

The Ghosts of Now

The Seance

Who Are You

Spirit Seeker

Don't Scream

A Candidate for Murder

Nobody's There

The Island of Dangerous Dreams

The Specter

The Other Side of Dark

The Kidnapping of Christina Lattimore

The Stalker

While I do think The Name of the Game was Murder is probably her best written book, I think A Deadly Game of Magic was probably the most fun book to read -- and the only one I think I'd pick up again casually. The Stalker was probably on of the worst books I've ever read - but the last few I did for the project were the hardest to get through.

Will I ever read through these again? Meh - let's see how I'm feeling in my 60s. Should you read these? Maybe only if you're my age and want to remember what books were like of this time period.

Thanks for following along - and now back to a world where I'm reading more adult books I actually like...

[horrornvnfan]

Visual Novel OC, Maria Fielding!

(source) (source) (source)

Basics:

Age: 23

Birthday: July 14th

Body: 5'8, 130 lbs

Gender: Cis Female

Sexuality: Bi/Demisexual

Likes: Sports, Rock Music, Anime, Horror

Dislikes: Heights, Chocolate, Cold Weather, Bugs

Hobbies: Reading, Painting, Hiking, Collecting Things

Occupation: Part Timer and a Remote Researcher

Family Members: Lila Golde (mother), Victor Fielding (father), Sabine Fielding (sister, deceased)

More Facts:

Favorite Item: A Signed Soccer ball (a birthday gift)

Favorite Color: Red

Favorite Food: Cinnamon Cookies

Good Traits: Outgoing, Sincere, Kind, Funny, Independent

Bad Traits: Rigid, Pragmatic, Anxious, Hesitant, Repressive

Good Habits: She's very dedicated to treating people fairly. She's easily excited and passionate about many subjects. She never misses a deadline.

Bad Habits: She can't lie and rarely realizes when others are lying. She can't handle intense feelings and tries to repress them. She forgets to clean the drain.

Backstory:

Maria Fielding was born five years after her older sister, Sabine Fielding, was born. Her parents, Lila Golde and Victor Fielding, were married and raised the girls in a small home the family shared.

However, when Maria was two years old and Sabine was seven years old, Lila and Victor divorced. Victor relinquished all custody rights and eventually moved out of the country for work. Lila downsized into a two bedroom apartment to raise her daughters on her own.

As a child, Maria was very cheerful, energetic, hard to manage, and very much "in her own world." She enjoyed playing with others, but didn't really make friends on account of being too talkative and eccentric. Lila put her in various sports (soccer, basketball, tennis, and swimming) to keep her occupied and out of the house.

In middle school, Maria's personality became tamer, though she was still free-spirited. She made more of an effort to focus on schoolwork, and became more responsible with chores. It's around this time her home life is getting more drastically unstable. Read about it in the Fielding Family post.

In high school, when Maria is in her freshman year, Sabine dies. Maria is in intense emotional volatility. She doesn't smile anymore and grows cold and short-tempered to her peers. She gets in trouble at school and isolates herself. By junior year, Maria begins to calm down and once again be kind to the people around her. By senior year, she's less expressive, but steady, easy-going, telling jokes, and getting along with people. Her grades recover and she graduates with honors.

In college, Maria is very focused on her studies, passionate about learning, but not socializing. She's more private than ever before. She receives a diagnosis of OCD and begins to learn coping mechanisms for it, so overall her mental health is becoming more managable.

As an adult, Maria is a friendly, confident, and happy woman. She works very hard to support herself and live independently, though she'd prefer to only have one job and not need to be a part timer as well. Maria is always honest about her opinions and feelings with people, but she still struggles/refuses to talk about her "complicated" feelings, especially those related to her family.

[kanerallels]

Just reread The Wednesday Wars and I might be about to make it everyone's problem

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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28. Marked by P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-Read in February 2023: Sometimes I have the weird urge to re-read some past books I've enjoyed. I think in this instance I wanted to remember the mood of this one since the setting is so comfortable (a boarding school setting has always been a kryptonite trope for me). I read this during the heart of my reading slump, so sometimes something familiar helps. I didn't think this was groundbreaking, but it's a fun read. I'm still weirded out by that scene in the hallway near the beginning. I was also reminded of the influence this book had on so many other YA paranormal novels of the time. I never finished this series and I don't know if I ever will, but I will probably end up re-reading this again some day in the future.

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29. Princess in Training by Meg Cabot--⭐️⭐️

I read this one a couple of months ago and I'm not going to lie, I had to look back on what this one was about. This was the book in the series where the topic of sex was introduced. Not only does Mia need to have a s0lid talk about sex and what it could entail, but Michael also needs to have that talk with a professional. I had the ick at the beginning of this series over the fact that Michael was eighteen when he started dating a fourteen year-old Mia, but the ick increased when he low-key started pressuring Mia into having sex with him. "I won't wait around forever" and then her having to bargain with him about re-exploring the topic two months (or whatever) later. "There's only so many cold showers a guy can take." Yeah, Michael. Sounds like a YOU problem. A little worrisome that this, back then or even now, could be a teen or middle grade's first encounter with sex and the expectations that couples could have regarding sex. Mia's age was evident in this one and her naïveté is very loud. I think this book also helps to take the mystique away from Michael being this incredible and aware boyfriend, especially because of that age gap. Also, still extremely dislike Lilly at this point.

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30. This Winter by Alice Oseman--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love this couple so much that it makes me goopy. This novella was such a touching read that I think should serve to remind others of the complicated relationships we might have with our parents, and the pressures we sometimes feel to live up to the expectations of others. I think this was also a great exploration of the complexities of mental health, especially how we both see ourselves and how we perceive our families see us. I also loved the level of support that Nick and Charlie give each other. They're just so wholesome and I want nothing but the best for them.

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31. Katzenjammer by Francesca Zappia--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Writing these reviews weeks after having read the books isn't great for my memory, but I remember this one being very unique and horrifying. There was a lot of emotion in here, especially as the mystery is slowly solved and the twist creeps up on us. The magical realism of the story took me a while to get used to, but there was a reason behind it all and when it starts to make sense, that's when the reader's heart starts to break.

____

32. Party Princess by Meg Cabot--⭐️⭐️

I don't know if I'm jaded because I'm writing these reviews so much later after reading the books, but I remember this one feeling...pointless? Perhaps the main good thing about this is that we get introduced to a character who will challenge the Mia and Michael relationship. I think Mia, at this point, needed a moment to just grow as a character. She is very young and it shows in her actions, worries, and decisions. And again, Lilly is still a bitch.

___

33. Fallen Too Far by Abbi Glines--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in 2023:

This is just a traditional re-read at this point. I don't know what it is about this chaotic and problematic series that I love so much. But I am absolute trash for this couple. Every time I read it, it's like I'm experiencing it all for the first time--including the moments that make me want to cry. Love, love, love. It also needs to be noted that this is my go-to when I am in a massive reading slump, which I am still trying to recover from currently (writing this review in April 2023.)

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Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

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I went through a weird time the last few months, which including a reading and blogging slump. Will hopefully return to posting my reviews and posts!

___

Happy reading!

[theweirdspacejellyfish]

manga recs

royal fiance by asuma risai

summary: hanami kairi's fate changes when he accepted an offer from an old man to work for a rich family as a housekeeper. the low level job suddenly transforms into a wedding workout with his schoolmate, the foreign royal prince shou

crimson spell by yamane ayano

summary: in order to protect his people from attacking demons, Prince Val uses a demonic sword and curses himself in the process. he leaves his kingdom to find a cure, and his search leads him to Hallwil, the person rumored to the only one who knows how to break the curse. Hallwil agrees to help Val... for a price

junjou romantica by nakamura shungiku

summary: takahashi misaki is suddenly having some unexpected and odd problems. what started as a need for some college entrance exam tutoring has somehow led him to being romanced by a suave older man who happens to be his big brothers best friend. Confused by all of his brand new emotions, misaki struggles to deal with his suddenly very odd life. and if that wasnt enough, his suitor, usami akihiko has plenty of issues of his own. a man child who decorates his room in giant teddy bears and toys, usami is a famous novelist who also writes steamy boy love novels on the side. when misaki cracks open one of these books and reads sentences like usami licks every inch of misakis hot body will, lets just say all hell breaks loose

hatsujou animal by kamon saeko

summary: kyouichis elite high school and the delinquent school next door are separated by only a fence. one day by the fence, kyoichi meets chiba, a fearsome student known for speaking with his fists... a school story of star crossed lovers

mayday mayday mayday by gwendoline

summary: yoon yuno is a small time money launderer with a huge problem: he cant seem to escape the sexual advances of his client vasily ivanovich kaminsky, a handsome yet deadly russian mafia boss. yuno is terrified of kaminsky and determined to escape from him, but his attraction to the other man complicates matters. will yuno be able to resist kaminsky's overtures and save himself? or will he be devoured by kaminsky's unrelenting obsession?

hit on by a kinky guy by Bov

summary: " now, lets start the shoot." a sadistic cameramna x a pure tofu shop boy. he gently prepares him, driving him almost insane... is his reasoning reaching its limit..!?

hua hua you long by xing bao er

summary: in order to help their leader, Lu Cang, find a wife, bandits kidnap a woman from the mountains and offer her to him. Cang falls in love at first sight with the absolutely stunning beauty, however, on the night of the consummation

hitorijime boyfriend by arii memeko

summary: " would you like to break up with me again or be held, which would you prefer?" my former friend with the beautiful face, whom ive run into again after so long, only says things that cause me trouble. in the winter of sixth grade, kensuke was upset about having to separate from his best friend hasekura in middle school, and ended up breaking off their friendship. three years has passed since then, and hasekura comes in contact with kensuke like nothing had changed. kensuke was happy they could repair their friendship, but hasekura says something completely out of left field

[education-nation]

Literacy Memories · May 08, 2024

As mentioned in my introduction, reading was always part of my household culture growing up. My grandfather emphasized the importance of education and my mother reinforced that by reading to me every night.

Naturally I did well in my English Language Arts courses. In my seventh grade English class specifically I read The Outsiders, a coming-of-age novel by S. E. Hinton that illustrates class differences. I remember enjoying it and having thoughtful discussions about the text with my teacher and peers. We would then go on to watch the film adaptation and see how print could be brought to life. While the conventions of adaptations were of course not a focus at such a young age, our discussions around the film were more so focused on themes and character as well. This may go without saying, but Middle and High School are complicated. As kids, we're in a room for however-many-minutes a day with others our age who may otherwise would not have (really ever) talked to unless they are our friends. However, The Outsiders was a compelling text that made us think in new ways. I was able to connect by sharing my perspective on events throughout the text and, in turn, hearing theirs. Very quickly I was able to see how literature can bring people together in the outside world as it did inside my home.

Young people have voices and they often want to be heard. When I got to High School, the texts we read in English class were more complex. I was met by William Shakespeare - commonly refered to as "Bill Shakey" by some of my fellow fiction writers - for the first time in ninth grade. When I picked up Romeo & Juliet I remember thinking to myself How on earth am I supposed to read this?! I was not at all familiar with Middle English and had not thought about the variations of the language I thought I was most familiar with. However, my fears were quickly nullified and my English teacher was able to engage me, as well as my peers who likely felt the same way as I, by showing us reading strategies such as highlighting, underlining, and annotating. We took our time reading the text, flipping through the script page by page, and marking the familiar concepts like characterization, simile, metaphor, and so on. The more I worked with the text in this way, the more I was able to "get" the story. Perhaps this is a story for another time, but Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet would later go on to open doors for me as it was a piece - as any other play - that is meant to bee seen and experienced, and not just read. My entry into the performing arts is just one example, but again, that is a story for a later time and is not relevant to what I am trying to accomplish here.

I went from believing that I could not do something to doing it again actually succeeding. After Shakespeare, our class would then go on to read Of Mice & Men by by John Steinbeck. Perhaps this is the piece I enjoyed reading the most throughout my freshman year. When we got to the end with George and Lennie, I remember seeing some of my classmates in tears and our teacher validating our emotions and telling us that it's okay to cry. Reading books had always made me feel happy, but I began to feel other emotions as well and have a real experience.

Though I could not articulate this back then, I was able to see how literature truly is a container for the human condition and how stories are meant to move us. A theatre director I had once said "No 'one ever wrote about the day nothing happen" and my thesis advisor for my undergraduate, creative writing thesis said, "Without conflict there is no story". These men were correct, and it's the pieces that compel us to continue reading one page after another, one chapter after another, and one book after another.

At any rate, I continued through High School English enthusiastically. The experiences I had while reading were a trend I wanted to continue as I learned from others and about the complex world we live in today. It's exciting, and it's something I hope my future students can one day feel as well.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi :) I've noticed one of my main issues in writing is I don't use enough words, I don't want to go into elaborate detail of things that don't matter or use unnecessarily long words but I do want a decent word count on my book. Do you have any advice on this? Thank you in advance.

Struggling to Reach Desired Word Count

If you're struggling to reach your desired word count but feel your amount of description is good, odds are you simply don't have a plot that merits the word count you're trying to reach.

Different types of stories and different fiction genres have typical word count ranges. The exact ranges vary according to trend and source, but current ranges are generally:

Short Stories - 1,000 - 10,000 words Novelette - 10,000 - 20,000 words Novellas - 20,000 to 50,000 words Novels - 50,000 - 130,000 words Epic Novels - 130,000 words and up

Middle Grade novels - 25,000 - 50,000 words Young Adult novels - 40,000 - 80,000 words New Adult: 60,000 - 85,000 words Adult: 80,000 - 110,000 words

Literary novels - 80,000 - 110,000 words Romance novels - 50,000 - 90,000 words Historical Fiction novels - 90,000 - 150,000 words Fantasy novels - 90,000 - 150,000 words Sci-Fi Novels - 90,000 - 150,000 words Mystery novels - 70,000 - 90,000 words Thriller - 70,000 - 90,000 words

So, the first step is to look and see where your story should be falling, and see how far away your story is from the bottom end of the range. Being slightly below the range isn't usually a huge deal. If you've written a romance novel that's 46,000 words, you're probably not going to be turned down for publishing because your story is 4k words under the lower end of the ballpark range. However, if your story is 28,000 words long, you would probably have difficulty finding a traditional publisher unless they specialized in novellas. Self-published books have some flexibility with range, though you still want to be mindful.

If the word count you're aiming for is logical and you're still falling short, and you feel your amount of description is fine, the next thing you need to look at is the story itself. Does your story have a conflict the protagonist or ensemble is trying to resolve? Do they have a solid goal they're trying to reach in order to resolve this conflict? Do they have an actionable plan and are you hitting all the relevant plot points? Do you have at least a couple interesting subplots that run parallel to the story but feed back into it again? If your story is fully or partially character-driven, do your main characters have satisfactory story arcs, and did you do the work to carry each character through their arc? For the important relationships that develop, did you do the work of showing how these relationships developed and how they function?

Beyond that, I would suggest looking at whether you're doing more telling than showing. In other words, do you find yourself writing things like, "Stella went outside after it rained and saw the moon shining," versus something like, "Stella crept outside and wandered down the lane, dodging puddles filled with water and moonlight." Showing, rather than telling, does tend to add words. Guide: Showing vs Telling

Finally, make sure you're exploring character thoughts and feelings, and using sensory details to bring the world around them, and the events they experience, into focus for the reader. Portraying Strong Emotions

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[cottagecori]

to all the loves you might have known (ch. 1)

stiles stilinski x reader

read on ao3

words: 3k

summary: If your favorite romance novels taught you anything, it's that the only way to save yourself from love is to pretend you have never known its call. To avoid falling prey to the tragedy that is romance, each time you fell in love, you did what every great novel protagonist does. You wrote about it, but never acted on it. Love letters, penned to each owner of a piece of your heart, were hidden away and never to be read by anyone but yourself.

But what will happen when the letters are sent out without you knowing? Will anything ever be the same again?

notes: just a heads up - Kira moved to Beacon Hills in the 6th grade, reader moved in the 7th; no big bads will be coming for our pack in this fic; Allison is alive (she just moved), Argents adopted Isaac so he moved too (no Allison/Isaac relationship); I think that's it for now!! enjoy!! :)

You were never good at expressing your emotions, at least not to those who really needed to understand them. You tended to keep those feelings bottled up, locked away, and filed inside your own head never to be seen again. Usually, they were pretty easy to forget as you focused your time and attention on the people around you instead; but, there was one emotion that was harder to conceal than the rest.

Love.

You only believed yourself to have been in love five times (which, for a senior in high school, was actually a lot). Each time you fell, it felt as if the earth was crumbling around you and the only lifeline left was them. Their presence left you with an all-consuming passion that was sickening and overwhelming. You hated feeling that way, yet you silently craved it. More importantly, you had no idea how to deal with it.

When you first started to understand what it meant to love, you searched high and low for any clue on how to navigate this strange new land. In your frantic search for answers, you stumbled on what you believed to be the greatest source of wisdom you could find on the subject- Romance Novels .

If those books told you anything, it was that the only way to save yourself from love is to pretend you have never known its call. To avoid falling prey to the tragedy that is romance, each time you fell in love, you did what every great novel protagonist does. You wrote about it, but never acted on it.

You started out with a series of diary entries that took up page after page in your journal, but soon you realized that wasn't helping to rid yourself of your affection. So you began to write full, excruciatingly-detailed love letters to these people that, more than likely, did not remember who you were. The thought of said people finding out about this secret shame of yours was enough to make you want to flee the county, but the price of plane tickets being what they are, you decided it would be easier to simply hide the messages. So the love letters, penned to each owner of a piece of your heart, were hidden away and never to be read by anyone but yourself.

Your first letter was addressed to Derek, an older sleep-away camp counselor from when you went to Camp Triskelion in the 6th grade. You were into his brooding and so-called "mature" nature, oh how naive you were. The second was for your locker buddy Malia, your first ever crush on anyone who wasn't a boy. She protected you from idiotic bullies and treated you as if you were worthy of protecting. How could you not fall in love with your very own middle school knight-in-shining-armor?

The third belonged to Stiles, the recipient of your first almost kiss and your first actual kiss. His letter happened to be the longest, not that you were keeping track, and his was the crush that took the most time to recover from. For never having actually dated him, it was impressive how much he shattered your young heart.

The next letter was for the tortured yet beautiful Isaac, your lab partner in your sophomore year chemistry class. You had never been able to confide in someone as quickly or as deeply as you did with Isaac. He made the world seem lighter, more manageable, even when he felt the same world dragging him down into the dirt. Isaac was the only one you ever considered giving your letter to until he moved away in the middle of junior year. He did give you a letter before he left, but you never read it as you were afraid of what it could say. You tucked his letter in the bottom drawer of your desk with the rest of your own, out of sight but never out of mind.

Finally, there was Scott, the last subject of these letters. Scott McCall embodied the ideal man everyone spent their life looking for. He was kind, thoughtful, protective, observant, the captain of the lacrosse team, a volunteer at the animal shelter, and oh-so easy on the eyes. The entire school admired him from afar, or in any way they had the chance to. You were fortunate enough to admire him up close and personal. Scott was your next door neighbor, one of your closest friends...and the boyfriend of the best and most perfect person alive. Kira Yukimura.

You moved to Beacon Hills in the 7th grade, when friends had already been long established and becoming an outsider happened as quickly as the days turned to nights. Kira had been one of the only people to reach out to you, having been a new kid quite a few times herself. She absorbed you into her friend group and within five minutes of being around her, it was clear that the two of you were always meant to be in each other's lives. That's why you felt so awful about the fact that you had been in love with her boyfriend the entire time.

--

"Hey what's got you so far inside your own head?" Scott's voice brought you out of your daydream and back to the reality of picking at your half-eaten lunch while listening to him and Kira argue over who loves each other more.

"Oh! Nothing," Of course, he knew you were lying. If he couldn't tell from your heartbeat alone, he would know just from years of being your friend. All you could do was hope he wouldn't call you on it. "What were we talking about?"

Kira smiled at you with a warmth that rivaled the sun, burning away at the guilt in your stomach, "We were talking about how crazy it is that we're seniors, as cliche as that is! I mean, it feels like yesterday that I was pulling you out from under a mountain of papers in a middle school hallway."

"You know, I never did get revenge on Stiles for all those paper cuts," a laugh escaped you as you recalled the various band-aids that littered your arms and how Stiles had outwardly cringed whenever he saw them.

"Trust me, the guilt itself was revenge enough to last a lifetime," a familiar voice called out from behind you and even after all these years, it still brought chills up your spine.

A frantic blob of gray appeared beside you as Stiles plopped down in the extra seat at your lunch table, immediately and furiously scribbling in his notebook.

"Hey, Y/L/N," he said as he briefly looked up at you with a smile, which you weren't sure if you wanted to kiss or smack off of his face.

"Stilinski! Where's your owner? There must be a ginger queen running around somewhere searching high and low for her lap dog." You heard Scott choke on his water and Kira poorly attempting to hold in her laughter, but your attention was on the boy next to you.

"Ha ha," he muttered under his breath, trying not to catch your gaze with his own. Once he realized you were waiting for a reply, a sigh that could be felt through space and time left his lips. "She's...um interviewing new applicants for that position. Has been for a while , apparently, and I was the only one who hadn't gotten the memo! Lucky me!

"I got the official notice on Friday. And I really needed that reminder so thank you! I had not been kicked in the groin enough this weekend, so thanks for giving me another opportunity!" His head dropped onto his notebook, his arms shielding his face to try and hide his wounded expression from you.

As soon as he finished speaking and you saw that pained look in his eyes, you wondered how much it would cost to surgically remove your foot from your mouth.  "Mischief, I'm so sorry." And you were. Lydia was his everything for as long as anyone could remember. This was going to be a bitch and a half for him to deal with.

His bitter laugh seeped into his next words, "Stop acting like you aren't ecstatic about this, you hated her. You never liked us being together." His words were muffled by the notebook paper, but his tone rang loud and clear.

"Hey, hate is a strong word." You felt questioning eyes on you from the opposite end of the table, "Okay, maybe I hated her, but how I feel doesn't matter. Stiles, you were in love with her, this is gonna suck no matter what anyone thinks. Even if what I think is that you should want more than the one-sided relationship you had with her. You deserve better than that, Mischief."

He lifted up his head but avoided your gaze by turning his attention back to the ink covered page in front of him. "Yeah, well you can't always get what you want, right? Life never seems to work out that way. We should know more than most."

You tried your hardest not to let the disappointment cloud your face when you turned your body to face forward. Scott's eyes were still firmly planted on the side of Kira's face, oblivious to anything and anyone but her.

"Yeah, life's a bitch."

--

Hours later, you found yourself still thinking about the conversation from lunch.

"You can't always get what you want. We should know better than most."

Stiles's words echoed through your mind and left you thinking of only one thing, the letters. Those letters were the epitome of everything you wanted that you knew you could never have. They represented a fantasy. A fantasy that one day, when you sent those letters out, your love would finally become known and that love would be returned. They let you live in a fantasy world where you would be loved by the beautiful people that you always kept in your head but could never hold in your arms.

Maybe, that's why you kept the letters in the first place. Maybe, in the back of your mind, you knew that if you ever sent them out into the world, you would be faced with the reality that these people didn't love you, that they never would. If they ever knew of your affection, you could be faced with rejection, or worse, humiliation.

However, if they stayed with you, tucked away in a drawer, hidden under some old school papers and long-forgotten trinkets, the fantasy could stay alive. You could pretend that there was a possibility that they did love you. You could live in your head rather than having to come to terms with your reality.

Wanting to stay in your head a little longer, you decided to reread your letters. As you entered your room after school, you narrowed your focus onto the lower right drawer of your desk. You opened it, lifted the old school papers, and picked up the love letters from their hiding place. After shedding your backpack, you settled onto your desk chair and starting shuffling through the pile in your hands. Before you could decide on which one to read first, you heard your doorbell ring out through your front hall.

"Y/N! I think Liam's here for your study session! Do you want me to get the door or are you gonna come down?" your mother called out from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm in the middle of something, mom! Can you send him up, please?" Quickly, you jumped up from your chair, shoved the letters back into their rightful place in the bottom of that lower right desk drawer, sat down on your bed, and did your best to look as inconspicuous as possible.

Seconds later, Liam pushed through your door and dropped his bag onto your desk chair, as he had done almost every Monday since you'd met him. "You ready to teach me how chemistry works?" His bright smile mirrored your own before he face-planted onto the bed beside you.

"I thought I was helping you understand history? What happened there? Why are we on chemistry instead?"

Liam flipped over onto his back to face you as he explained, "That was last year! World History was excruciating but I have a good enough grasp on US History that I'm like 92% sure I'll be okay. Plus, Mr. Yukimura knows what we go through, so he'll probably be more understanding if I miss an assignment because yet another person is threatening to kill us." You laughed along with him, the two of you trying to ignore the sting of knowing that danger was a given in your friend group.

"It's been one week of Mr. Harris and I'm ready to chew my own foot off just to have an excuse not to go to class," Liam spoke between gasps of silent laughter.

"Unless werewolves have developed a new ability to regenerate entire limbs that I am unaware of, let's keep your foot where it is, okay? If I remember correctly, there should still be some old flashcards and study guides from chemistry somewhere in my desk. Why don't you try to find those, and I'll get us some snacks. I have a feeling we're gonna be here for a while." You pulled yourself up from your spot and started toward the door.

"Do you know where in your desk they might be?"

Instead of turning around, you called over your shoulder, "No clue! Just start with the top drawers and work your way down!" Once you heard the sound of the drawers opening and papers shuffling, you made your way down the stairs.

After you had your arms full of snacks that would sufficiently feed a growing teenage werewolf, you made your way back toward your room.

"Okay, so I have doritos, popcorn, cheese-itz, pretzels, and crackers. I also have carrots and hummus if you're feeling more of a healthy vibe but I doubt that, so I'll take those. Oh and my mom made brownies but I didn't bring those with me so you'll have to go downstairs and get them if you wa-" You finally looked up from the pile of goods in your hands to see Liam holding five very familiar-looking envelopes.

Once he saw you in the doorway, he dropped the letters as if they burned him. "I am so sorry, Y/N. I was just looking for the study guides, and I found them! Yay! But when I lifted them up, I saw these, and you know me, I'm a naturally curious person so I picked them up when I saw some names that I recognized. I had no idea what they were a-and I was, yeah, I was  going to leave them alone but you were taking so long downstairs that I decide to read one. I mean, they weren't sealed and I didn't stop to think that, you know, maybe I shouldn't totally invade your privacy but I just kept reading and then you came into the room and now here we are...yeah."

You heard his voice, heard him speaking, but your brain couldn't seem to process his words as everything seemed to move in slow motion. You dumped the food on your bed and slowly crouched down to the floor, collecting the scattered papers. One by one, you stacked them in your hands. Malia, Isaac, Stiles, and Derek, all still hidden in their envelopes but...that's only four. You looked around and saw the last letter was outside its casing, the envelope cast to the side. When the realization hit you of what exactly Liam had read, your head snapped up to look at him.

"Liam, how far into this letter did you get?" You were sure he could sense the panic in your voice, your rapidly accelerating heart rate, the tears starting to well up in your eyes, but you were electing to ignore that. You could cry about this later. First, you needed to know how much damage had been done.

His face screamed of pity and remorse causing tears to cloud your vision. Met with silence, you asked again, "Liam. How much did you read?"

"Enough." He paused, not sure of how to handle this. To be fair, you didn't know either. "Y/N, why do you have these letters? Do they all say something like this? Why haven't you told him how you feel?" He sat down on the floor in front of you, carefully, so you wouldn't feel trapped by his presence. "Do you still feel this way? What about Kira?"

At the mere mention of Kira's name, the guilt in your stomach burned with a fiery rage and a lump in your throat made it harder to speak. "Liam, you can't tell anyone what you read. No one can know about this, okay? Not Stiles, not Scott, and especially not Kira. Please. Don't say anything about this."

You had evaded his questions, somehow telling him everything he needed to know. In your lack of response, he saw how alone you had been with these feelings and it scared him. He had never seen you this vulnerable before, he didn't think anyone had. For as long as he'd known you, you'd always had such a hard exterior, constantly trying to prove to the pack that you were strong and capable despite being one of the few humans among them. He thought you to be unshakeable, nearly invincible, but now, hearing your voice cracking and seeing the tears stream down your cheeks, he remembered that you were human. You were just a teenager, a heartbroken teenager who set their feelings to the side for the sake of others, and to protect yourself.

He slowly wrapped his arms around you, letting you collapse into his embrace, "It's okay, let it out. We don't have to talk about this right now. I'll wait till you're ready. Chemistry can wait for another day or another week. You're more important right now." He took the papers from your hands and laid them on the ground beside the two of you, curling you closer into him. He hoped you could feel his heartbeat and find comfort in the steady pulse.

Several minutes later, he was still holding you as tight as he could without hurting you. How long had you kept those letters? How long had you felt the things you wrote about yourself, about Scott? He brought himself out of his thoughts when he felt your breathing slow and your shaking stop. Liam pulled away to look down at your sleeping figure as a bittersweet smile that found its way onto his face. Trying not to wake you, he picked you up into his arms and laid you down on the bed. Once he saw that you were comfortable under the blankets, he went ahead and cleaned up any trace of what just occurred. The papers were put back on the desk, the food was brought back into the kitchen, and flashcards were shoved into his backpack. Liam was all but ready to leave when he saw the envelopes on your floor. Taking one last look between your sleeping figure and the letters, he scooped them up and snuck out of your house.

He knew it was wrong to take them, but seeing you that fragile flipped a switch in him. Burying these pent-up feelings had only caused you sadness and frustration. Maybe, if you didn't have to hide behind the secrecy of it all, a weight would be lifted off of your shoulders. Maybe, you could finally start to let people in, start tearing down your mile-high walls, and express your feelings without worrying about what people might say.

Only good things could come from people knowing the truth, right?