#having another crisis last night while researching organic mattresses and

[happigreens]

Fair Trade

By going beyond accreditation practices, consumers and companies can reach those at the bottom of the global social production ladder. Nonetheless, these efforts require purchasers to take personal responsibility for their impact, rather than relying solely on certifications. Simply by being more thoughtful and ethical in our sourcing practices, we have a huge opportunity to create brighter futures for all people and their families throughout the supply chain.

https://borgenproject.org/fair-trade-product-markets/

Despite many well-intentioned consumer attitudes, fair trade product markets frequently feature marketing strategies that conjure up imperialistic images [...]

[...] In products marked as fair trade, the certification might only apply to the product’s raw materials, rather than the full process of production. [...] A 2014 study theorizes that these practices are somewhat effective, “although on a comparatively modest scale relative to the size of national economies"

Social Media conversations about Fair Trade Practices:

[From user seriousxdelirium] - Like almost all other labels for coffee, it's absolutely useless. It only applies to growers large enough to afford the fees, and is not regulated well enough to make meaningful impact on the industry. If you really care about this sort of thing, do some research and develop an understanding of what you think a fair price is for farmers, and ask roasters what they paid for that coffee. Most good roasters are willing to be transparent about that sort of thing, and even publish transparency reports where you get a breakdown of the entire transaction.

From user Ramakrishna Surathu:

[...] Here are some reasons why fair trade may not always be as fair as it seems [...]

1. Market Access and Power Imbalances: Fair trade initiatives often focus on small-scale producers in developing countries, who may face challenges in accessing global markets and negotiating fair prices. Power imbalances within supply chains, influenced by factors such as geography, politics, and market dynamics, can limit the ability of producers to fully benefit from fair trade practices.

2. Certification Costs and Barriers: Obtaining fair trade certification can be costly and time-consuming for producers, particularly small-scale farmers and artisans with limited resources. Certification fees, auditing expenses, and compliance with standards may pose financial barriers and administrative burdens, leading some producers to forego certification altogether.

3. Limited Impact on Poverty Alleviation: While fair trade aims to reduce poverty and improve livelihoods, its impact may be limited by systemic barriers and structural inequalities. Addressing poverty requires broader social, economic, and political interventions beyond the scope of fair trade alone, such as access to education, healthcare, land rights, and infrastructure.

4. Market Volatility and Price Instability: Fair trade prices are often based on predetermined minimums, which may not fully reflect fluctuations in global market prices. Producers may be exposed to market volatility and fluctuations in demand, which can impact their income and livelihoods, particularly in commodity markets subject to price instability.

5. Complexity of Supply Chains: Fair trade supply chains can be complex and challenging to navigate, especially in regions with limited infrastructure and logistical challenges. Ensuring compliance with fair trade standards, maintaining transparency, and traceability throughout the supply chain can require significant investment in monitoring and management systems.

[...] Some manufacturers also use tricks. For example, some products do not explain exactly which part of a product was produced fairly. Another trick is to increase the percentage of "fair" ingredients by subtracting out the water content. The credibility is of course "fair watered".

[...] The statement here should not be that fair trade is useless, but one should always question things or understand them better and not just be blindly guided by seals in the purchase decision. Since this works so well, manufacturers like to use such seals or make one up themselves.

[...] rather than cutting out the middle man, and offering farmers a more direct compensation for their work, Fair Trade still facilitates a level of bureaucracy that supports an uneven distribution of revenue.

[...] The price point that separates Fair Trade produce from the rest of the market is often significant enough that lower-income households cannot afford to budget for it. This means that Fair Trade cannot reach mass markets in a way that would really effect wide-scale change, and instead serves as a token gesture to alleviate the guilt of middle-class consumers.

[...] [premium pricing coffee] is a worthy move if the coffee is of a high quality, but if it is not of sufficient quality to merit this price tag, then it risks turning consumers away from Fair Trade produce, and further impeding its reach to mass markets [...]

Fair Trade is a concept worth embracing, but first it must prioritize effective and transparent processes of production and distribution. What Fair Trade aims to achieve is admirable, but what it could potentially achieve is far greater [...]

[edxwin-elric]

Morning After

Checkmate Ch. 3

Rating: M

Pairing: Royai/Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Word Count: 4425

Chapter Title: Morning After

Description: Royai multi-chapter/modern/BDSM AU where Riza, a cautious submissive, met Roy, an experienced Dom, and now there is sex with future romance potential.

A/N: This one is not smut. It’s more exposition and hints at romantic feelings. There are some smut allusions though.

tag || first || ffn || ao3

previous || next || ch. 3.5 (havolina)

Riza

A large hand slides across my back and around my belly, and I make a disgruntled sound.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

I mumble something unintelligible and curl up into a ball around the pillow I’m holding. Roy laughs softly behind me and strokes my neck, making me jump.

I wasn’t totally expecting to sleep in the same room. The same bed. But after he cleaned me up, he slid a t-shirt over my head and brought me up here. To be fair, I didn’t put up much of a fight. I like being with him.

“I thought you might want the first shower,” he speaks up again.

“What time is it?” I groan.

“After ten. You didn’t have work or something did you?” He frowns down at me.

I shake my head, rubbing my hair across the mattress.

“No…” I yawn.

Though, my dog will be wondering where I am if I don’t get home soon. But he’ll be all right for a little bit on his own.

“Seriously, Riza. How are you feeling?” he repeats the question in a low tone, and I open my eyes.

“You mean…about last night?”

He nods, and I feel my face heat.

“I’m fine,” I assure him, scooting back, so I’m leaning on the pillows behind me. “I don’t hurt or anything.”

“You’re sure?” He reaches out and cups my jaw, and I swallow at how nice it feels. “I don’t want you to hide anything from me. Even if it’s embarrassing, or you’re just shy about it.”

I don’t tell him it’s a little late to start getting embarrassed in front of him. That ship sailed the night we met.

“It’s sore,” I admit, looking down. “But not bad. Really. I’m okay.”

“Okay, good.” He runs his thumb over my cheek and moves his hand. “This arrangement only works if there are no secrets. I told you that before.”

“I remember, Roy.”

“Right.” He stands and turns to look back at me, lying on the mattress. “I take it you don’t want the first shower?”

“No. You can have it.”

“Okay.” He starts to walk toward the bathroom but stops in the doorway and looks back. “There’s coffee in the kitchen,” he informs me over his shoulder.

I blink in surprise before I catch sight of his sleep pants on the floor. My eyes snap up only to watch his firm ass disappear behind the steamed-up shower door. I bite my lip and look down, feeling a rush of heat between my legs.

I turn and slide out of the bed, stretching my arms over my head. I flinch when I feel a draft on my ass and look behind me. The shirt Roy gave me is unbelievably soft if not entirely long enough. I drop my arms and shuffle out into the hall and to the stairs. I freeze halfway down when I smell syrup. Frowning, I go the rest of the way to the kitchen, where I stop in the doorway and stare.

He said there was coffee. He failed to mention there was also bacon, scrambled eggs, orange juice, pancakes, and toast. How did I not smell this earlier? What time did he get up to start preparing all this? I mean, I knew he could cook since he’s mentioned it several times, but… And just how much food does he expect me to eat? There’s enough here for twenty people.

I take a small step into the kitchen and inhale, the delicious scents of well-cooked breakfast filling my lungs. With a glance over my shoulder at the stairs, I grab one of the plates set out and begin filling it. I’m in the middle of dying and going to heaven from the pancake that is melting in my mouth when I hear Roy behind me. I turn from my seat at the bar and watch him as he saunters into the room and goes straight to the coffee pot. My eyes travel from his damp, messy hair down the line of his bare back to where his pants are hanging loosely on his hips.

Yum.

“Good morning,” he says in a low voice as he turns to face me, sipping coffee from a dark mug. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” I nod, feeling unsure again of how to behave with him. “And, thank you. For breakfast.”

“Don’t mention it.” He shrugs and takes another drink.

“Is this, um, normal?”

“What?” He frowns. “Eating breakfast in the morning? Or–”

“I mean, do you usually cook breakfast for your subs?”

He doesn’t answer at first, taking a long drink of coffee and grabbing a strip of bacon from the plate. I watch as he chews, my eyes drawn to his insanely strong jaw. God. I’m getting wet just looking at him. Even his facial structure is sinful.

“No,” he murmurs finally.

“What?” I blink, my cheeks going pink.

“I don’t usually cook them breakfast. Nor do I buy them wine.” My eyes widen as he continues. “It’s also rare that I let them stay overnight. And even then, not in my bed.”

I feel all the air go out of my lungs, and I look down at my plate.

“But don’t read too much into it. I just have a fondness for you.”

What? What the hell does that mean?

I start to ask, but I don’t know how. And he doesn’t say anything after that. Just goes about his business, fixing a plate and sitting down on the stool beside me at the bar. As if he didn’t just confuse the life out of me.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” He turns to me casually before taking a bite of pancake.

“Uh.” I blink. “I… I have to walk my dog,” I answer lamely, still not entirely certain what just happened.

“I love dogs,” he says in a low voice. “So loyal. What breed is he?”

I frown.

“I’m not exactly sure, I guess. He was a stray one of my coworkers found, and no one else in the office would take him, so I said I would.”

“I see.” He nods. “So, what’s his name?”

“Black Hayate.”

He raises his eyebrows, and I immediately start trying to explain.

“I… He’s… It means ‘black hurricane’ in Japanese,” I mutter. “I don’t know why I… I like it. It fits him, I think.”

“Is he particularly destructive?” he goes on around another bite of food.

“No. He’s a very good boy.” I grin to myself. “But he’s stuck with the name now.”

We eat in silence for a few minutes until he speaks again.

“So, you mentioned an office. What do you do?”

“Oh, well. Um…” I swallow a bite of eggs. “I’m sort of between jobs right now.”

“Really? Are you looking for something? I might be able to find you a position at my firm. Though I suppose I should find out more about your skill set.”

I blush and shake my head.

“I’m really okay. Also, I’m not sure working with you would be the best idea.”

“Fair point.” He nods. “But go ahead and tell me about what you’re interested in. Or what you’ve done before.”

“I’m very organized, so I’ve taken reception jobs here and there. I was registered with a temp service for a while. Most recently I was a P. A. to a lady who started her own company… My father always wanted me to follow him into the field of scientific research. Specifically, chemistry. I’ll admit I’m good at it, but I didn’t care for it much.”

“What would you like to do?” he asks softly. “If you could choose.”

“I like flowers,” I admit, poking at a bit of toast.

“Flowers? You mean gardening or–”

“I was thinking more along the lines of a florist.” I turn to look at him. “I mean, I think arranging them would be interesting and calming, and flowers smell good… But I guess that’s sort of silly, since I don’t even own a flower vase.”

“Not if you want to do it,” he counters. “I think that sounds interesting.”

I sigh.

“Well, it’s either that, or I’m going to open a pet shelter.”

“Open one?” He frowns. “You mean start one from the ground up? That sounds expensive.”

“When my mother died, she left me some money,” I tell him on a shrug. “I could use that. I just don’t know.”

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “About your mother.”

“It was a long time ago. But…thank you.”

There’s another lull in the conversation where I finish most of my food, and Roy reaches across the bar to grab another handful of bacon. As soon as he drops the strips onto his plate, his phone buzzes on the counter, and I focus on my orange juice while he texts.

“I hate to have to cut this short,” he says slowly, “but it looks like one of my employees is having a crisis at the office. Nothing serious, but I’m going to need to go in and sort it out.”

“Oh.”

“Should we go ahead and make plans for our next meeting?”

A shiver goes down my spine, and I swallow. Right. I almost forgot, for a second, the nature of our relationship.

“I’m free on Wednesday and Thursday. This Friday I’m going out of town, and Saturday I have an engagement,” I mentally recall my calendar.

“Does Sunday work? Not tomorrow, but the next one.”

“I’m free all-day Sunday,” I murmur.

“Then let’s schedule it for then. I’ll text you later with a time.”

“Okay. I’ll go ahead and get changed.” I start to stand when he stops me with a hand on my thigh.

“You’re forgetting something, Riza.”

What? I blink.

“I am?”

“I haven’t given you your homework yet.”

My heart jumps into my throat, and I have to steady myself with a hand on the counter to keep from falling off my stool.

“Right,” I whisper.

He looks at me thoughtfully for a second before he shakes his head.

“Go ahead and get dressed. It’ll give me time to think.”

I nod and start for the stairs, ignoring the way my entire body feels hot and off balance. I’m afraid I’ll trip, but somehow, I manage to stay upright all the way to his room.

Roy

When she comes back down, I’m still sitting on the stool where she left me, the struggle to decide what assignment to give her still going on in my head. There are just too many things I want from her. To do to her. Ways she makes me hard.

Fuck.

“Have you, um, decided?”

I jerk my head up to find her standing in front of me wearing her clothes from last night. My eyes catch on her chest where the rosebuds on her bra are poking through. My cock hardens instantly. When I remember the matching thong, I almost groan.

“Roy?”

“Do you have a toy?” I grunt.

“What?” she whispers.

“A toy,” I repeat more clearly. “Do you have a toy?”

“I’m…not sure what you mean?”

“Something you use to get yourself off when you’re alone. A vibrator? Or a dildo?”

I watch her lips part in surprise, and damn if my already hard cock doesn’t turn to steel.

“Um, yes, I have a vibrator,” she admits, swallowing.

“What kind?”

She reaches a hand up and pushes her hair behind her ear.

“It’s, uh… It’s a g-spot, um, dildo vibrator,” she confesses. “It’s purple.”

“It resembles a penis?”

She nods once. “It’s not quite as big as yours,” she murmurs, and I suppress a laugh.

“Is it strictly for vaginal use?”

I watch her cheeks pale slightly.

“Riza?”

“It, um… I can use it on my nipples, my clit, my, um, pussy, or…in my ass.”

Fuck. I need to get my hands on this toy.

“Did you use your toy this week? After you sent me my pictures?”

She closes her eyes and nods, making my cock throb painfully.

“For your homework,” I start off, sliding off the stool, hoping to relieve some pressure, “anytime you’re wet this week, whether from thinking about our sessions or any other reason, and you’d like to use your toy to take care of it, you are to call me.”

“Call you?” she whispers.

“I’ll make sure your needs are met,” I promise, my voice dropping. “But I’ll be talking you through how I want you to use your toy.”

She bites her lip, and my eyes drop to where her thighs are clenching together.

“Are you wet right now?” I ask in a low tone.

She starts to nod.

“Yes, Sir,” she murmurs.

“Good. If you need to use your toy when you get home, you know what to do.”

“Yes.” She nods again.

“Oh, and before each call, I’ll want both a photo of your toy and the wet spot on your underwear.”

“Yes, Sir.”

I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders.

“I’ll see you Sunday, Riza,” I tell her softly, dropping my dominant voice. “Have a great week.”

“Thank you, Roy.” She gives me a small smile and lets herself out of the apartment.

Fucking fuck.

I’m going to kill Havoc.

Riza

When I get home, Black Hayate is waiting at the door.

“Good boy,” I bend down and rub him behind his ears as he wags his tail at me. “Are you hungry?”

He lets out a short bark and turns to pad over to his food bowl. After I feed him, I lean against the counter and stare at my phone.

I need to call Becca.

I can’t call Becca.

I mean… I think I like him. For more than sex. That’s the kind of thing Becca would be good at helping me with. On the other hand, if I tell her about that, I have to tell her…all of it. And then—

But, I mean, she’s Becca. So…maybe she’ll understand? Or I could be vague and say I’m into kink…

That’s dumb. Becca would immediately demand details, so that wouldn’t—

My phone starts ringing in my hand, and I let out a small yelp and almost drop it when Becca’s face appears.

Like…did she know? How?

After a calming breath, I press the green button and hold the device up to my ear.

“Hey. I was just thinking about calling you.”

“Oh really? Was it something serious?”

“Maybe? I’m not sure. Did you need something?” I shift my weight, my nerves making me restless.

“I was on my way to brunch and thought you might want to come with me.”

“Um…sure. I’m not very hungry, but I would like to talk.”

“It’s a date,” she announces.

“Oh, and I need to take Hayate out, so if we can find a café, that would be great.”

“I have one in mind. I’ll text you the address.”

“Thanks.”

She hangs up, and I go about getting my dog set for his walk.

When I arrive at the place Becca picked, I find her sitting at a table under the cover of an awning sipping a steaming coffee drink.

“So. What did you want to talk about?” she opens before I even sit down.

“Well…actually, it’s about Roy.”

“Ooh! Tell me everything. How was it last night?” she gushes.

I feel my face getting warm, and I distract myself by looking down and looping Hayate’s leash around my chair leg.

“That dirty?” Becca pipes up again, and when I meet her eyes, she’s giving me a deeply suggestive look.

“I… It…” I swallow and rub my palms over my thighs. “That isn’t what I wanted to discuss,” I mutter. “It’s more… Well, up until now we’ve been seeing each other strictly for sex–”

“And I’m so damn proud of you for that.”

“But,” I say over her, “this morning he made me breakfast, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t part of his usual morning after routine as far as booty calls go.”

“Riza Hawkeye: A Booty Call. What is this world I live in?” Becca sighs and looks up dreamily.

“Of course, that’s the part you got hung up on.” I roll my eyes. “Anyway, I’m confused. I need advice.”

“You like him,” she says cheerily, setting down her mug.

“Well, yes.”

“No. You like him. Not just his big dick.”

“Maybe, but I don’t–”

“And you think he likes you, but you’re not sure, and now you need to know because if he doesn’t, things will get totes awkwardville.”

“That is not a thing people say.”

“But it’s still true.” She takes another sip of her drink as her food arrives, and she beams up at the cute waiter.

“Whatever,” I mumble pointlessly.

“This is perfect,” she tells me after we’re alone again. “Jean just called to let me know he’s going to have the next few nights off. Now you can invite Roy Boy to double date with us.”

“Uh, Becca, didn’t you hear me? I don’t really know if he feels like I do. I mean, he might just want to fuck.”

And spank me. And blindfold me. And…

I squeeze my thighs together in my seat, and shift so I can cross my legs. I can’t think about this here.

“Then this will help us find out.”

“Well, not this week,” I reply. “I have things going on, and I need some more time to think about it before I decide to do anything drastic.”

“A double date isn’t drastic.” She waves her fork around with a bit of salad on it. “Sex without a condom is drastic.”

I frown at her and shake my head.

“Anyway, you still have to give me the details about last night.”

“No,” I state plainly. “I don’t. And I won’t.”

My panties are wet enough already without that going on again.

“Oh, come on! At least tell me what he thought of the lingerie.”

I sigh.

“He liked it. A lot.”

“Really? What did he do?” She giggles.

“His face got…sexier,” I murmur. “And when I looked down, there was a pretty serious bulge in his pants.”

“Damn, I need to meet this guy. Then what?”

“He sort of took his time taking them off of me. And then he fucked me. So…I’d say that was a pretty good sign.”

“Did you do it in a new position this time?”

I cough slightly and quickly recover before answering.

“We were on the couch this time. Missionary,” I tell her softly, my ass clenching at the memory of the plug. “But enough about that. Tell me about what you did.”

“Me?” She frowns. “I watched a few episodes of Friends and then used my rabbit to get myself off in the shower.”

“I guess it’s a good thing Jean will be off then.”

“Oh yeah.” She nods, smiling. “Tomorrow will be a full-on sex-a-thon.”

“Anyway, which episodes of Friends were you watching?”

I relax as she starts retelling me in great detail every line of the show between bites of her salad. I may still be unsure of what my feelings are about Roy—besides that I really like what we do during sex and also that he’s sweet when he isn’t making my body cry out in pain and pleasure at the same time. Sometimes even then. I mean, I do like him. Probably more than I should. I’m not sure exactly when that happened, but…

“Riza, are you even listening to me?”

I blink and look up at my friend.

“What?”

She exhales through her nose and gives me a disappointed look.

“Now I have to start all over.”

I grin to myself as she takes a deep breath before I reach under the table and pat my dog. For right now, I’ll try not to think about Roy. I don’t have to have everything figured out yet. Maybe when I see him on Sunday things will be clearer.

I bite my lip, thinking about what he might do Sunday night. I re-cross my legs and clasp my hands tightly in my lap, letting out a slow breath. I already know I won’t make it to Sunday without talking to him. At the rate I’m going, I’ll need to call him before dinner.

Roy

“Havoc,” I growl as I storm into my office. “You’d better have a serious fucking emergency on your hands to call me in like this on a Saturday.”

“It is, boss.” He stands from where he’s been leaning on my desk and looks me over. “Fuck. What’s wrong? You look ready to murder someone.”

“Well, yes,” I bite back, as I round my desk and fall into my chair, glaring up at him. “I was in the middle of having breakfast with a beautiful woman when you interrupted. So, if I look pissed, that would be why.”

“Oh.” He nods. “That explains it.”

He goes quiet, and I feel my jaw get tight.

“So why the fuck am I here?” I grind out. “Start talking, Jean. Or do I need to also tell you that the woman I was with was naked except for my shirt, and I had a whole different morning in mind.”

“Right.” He nods quickly. “Um, well, Madam Christmas called and the three guys she threw out last week came back again. This time they refused to leave and even threatened to hurt some of the girls who work the floor. They finally bailed after some of the other guys there forced them out, but she said the customers were freaked and the girls are shaken. As things stand, she doesn’t want to involve local police, but she wants a detail for tonight and asked that we do a little digging into these assholes.”

Shit. She probably called me first, but my phone was turned off because I was with Riza. Dammit. I’ll have to go by there and check on things.

“Thank you,” I tell him quietly. “This qualifies as an emergency, so you’re forgiven for ruining my morning.”

“Uh, thanks.”

“Now get out of my sight before I change my mind,” I grumble.

“Okay.” He starts for the door. “Oh, and before I forget, I’m not going to be available for the next three nights. Breda and Falman said they wouldn’t mind taking the job at Christmas’s though.”

“Good to know.”

I wave him away, and he disappears out the door. The last thing I want to do today is go visit Madam Christmas’s club. Not that I don’t like it there. I’m just not into the sex club scene these days. Plus, I don’t want to deal with her questions. Or the pleading looks from the subs who know I’m a Dom. I’m off the market, but they don’t know that. And I don’t think I want to take Riza to the club anytime soon. As much as I’d like to show her off, I like having her to myself more. And I doubt voyeurism is something she’s into.

Rising from my chair, I stride toward the door. The sooner I get this mess taken care of the better.

“So that’s really all I’ve got to go on.”

“That’s enough for me. Thank you.” I follow the lady out of the surveillance room and start for the stairs.

“Roy, wait. Stay for a drink at least.”

“I would,” I start, “but I have work to do–”

“You never come by anymore, and I’m curious about how you’re doing,” Madam Christmas interrupts. “Just one drink. On me.”

“Fine.” I sigh. “Whiskey. Dry.”

“I know.” She grins, leading me down to the main floor.

I slide onto a stool as she pours.

“So, have you met anyone lately?”

I take the glass from her and swallow a good amount before answering. The question is her way of asking if I’ve picked up a new sub. Besides being the proprietress of this place, and therefore knowing about my tendencies, she’s the woman who raised me. Growing up in the backroom of a sex club makes it no wonder how I ended up a Dom.

“Maybe,” I answer her cryptically.

“You’ll have to bring her by.” She leans on the counter. “Unless you’ve branched out to men. Have you?”

I snort into my drink. “She’s definitely a woman.”

“Well. I had to ask.” She grins. “And you like her?”

“I’m breaking her in.”

“I mean you like her,” she repeats. “Not that she gets you off.”

I swallow the rest of the liquor and set my glass down.

“I don’t know,” I admit quietly. “She’s…different than any sub I’ve had before. Than any of the women I’ve dated. But I’m not sure that means I’m interested in pursuing something with her outside of our agreement.”

“You are,” she tells me knowingly. “I can see it on your face.”

“My face?” I frown.

She nods slowly. “You’re forgetting I watched you grow up. I can read your face like a book. And it says you have a crush.”

“Crush?” I scoff. “I’m a grown ass man. I don’t get crushes.”

She gives me a skeptical look, and I scowl.

“Maybe I have…an interest. But it’s not a crush.”

“What’s her name?”

I debate answering for a moment, deciding if that’s something I’m ready for her to know. Riza isn’t a very common name, and with technology today she can run a thousand searches on her before I make it back to my apartment. I should know. Fuery is already running most of those searches on the bastards that have been harassing the clients at this place.

“Roy–” she starts to say something, but as she does, my phone starts ringing.

When I look down at the caller, I’m instantly on my feet.

“Excuse me,” I mutter. “I have to take this.”

Without waiting for her response, I turn and head for the door, answering it as I go.

“Riza?”

There’s a pause where I just hear a soft breath panting on the other end of the line.

“Riza? Are you there?”

And then a text comes through. I pull my phone away from my ear to look at it, and I almost trip and fall. I quickly catch my balance and jog to my car. The images she sent burned into my brain.

“Riza,” I say quietly, folding into the driver’s seat.

“Sir?” Her soft voice goes right to my cock, and I suppress a groan.

“Let’s get started.”

[dnds]

skeptics and true believers, ch. 3

Shane only provides Ryan with more questions.

[AO3] [Wattpad]

Once again, Ryan dreamt of Shane. This time, they sat in a field together staring up at the sky. The world around them was blurry and undefined, with an odd surreal quality to it; it was unclear whether or not the sky above them reflected day or night, held clouds or stars. Unlike the last dream, they weren't on top of each other; instead, they just held hands and sat with one another. It felt just as intimate. There were no wolves or yellow eyes in this dream; just stars and soft grass and Shane. Ryan was content.

Ryan blinked open his eyes the next morning to the sound of an abrasive alarm and the quiet pattering of rain outside of his window. He sat up, running a hand through his messy black hair and yawning. He leaned forward with his face in his hands. He needed to get this crush under control before it started affecting how he interacted with Shane in real life.

Shane probably isn't even gay, he was trying to be realistic about it (possibly for the first time in his entire life). He thought back to the feeling of Shane's hand in his from the dream and couldn't help but feel the slightest bit crestfallen at that notion. Ryan groaned and fell back onto the mattress.  Why did everything always have to be so complicated?

He checked his phone before rolling out of the bed, sighing in disappointment when he noticed that his text from last night was still unanswered. Maybe Shane is just sick, Ryan thought unhappily, or maybe he just doesn't like me.

He shoved aside his gay crisis and climbed into the shower. There were better times to confront his feelings, he mused.  

--

Despite the fact that Ryan had gotten a full night's sleep, he arrived at school in a worse mood than the day before. He hadn't realized that Shane ignoring him would have this much of an effect. Get yourself together, Bergara, Ryan scolded himself mentally for being so easily wounded.

He walked in the front doors of the school and his eyes immediately fell on Brent and Shane, who were conversing in the front lobby. Ryan would've been lying if he said his heart hadn't jumped when he saw Shane. Speaking of...

Shane looked rough, to put it nicely. His hair was messy and his facial hair unkempt; dark bags resided underneath his eyes and he looked thoroughly tired and disheveled in his wrinkled jean jacket. If it had been anyone else, Ryan would've said they looked like shit.

Except, Shane looked ridiculously hot in his own tousled way; he pulled off the "didn't sleep at all last night" look perfectly. Internally, Ryan groaned. He was so fucked.

Brent made eye contact with Ryan and waved him over; as he approached, Shane gave him a fatigued smile. His eyes, which were normally a deep brown, were shining amber in the early morning sun. Flecks of gold were present throughout the dark orange color, and Ryan was taken away by how they almost looked ethereal.

"Earth to Ryan?" Brent said, waving his hand in front of Ryan's face. He blinked and came back to the present, trying to hide his embarrassment. He had literally gotten lost in Shane's eyes, for God's sake.

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired," He lied, "What's you just say?"

"I said hello," Shane smiled at him again, and Ryan hoped his face hadn't just turned red with blush, "How was your night?"

Ryan laughed, "I slept like a fucking rock because I didn't get any sleep the night before," He said, glaring at Shane in a joking manner, "Wonder who's fault that is."

Shane rolled his eyes. "I wasn't the one trying to prove the existence of ghosts the whole night." He grinned, "Which, by the way, you still have not managed to do."

"Oh for fuck's sake , not this again," Brent grumbled, "You two have fun arguing, I'm going to find Safiya or Steven or somebody."  

Ryan and Shane watched him walk away, then made eye contact with one another and laughed. "I didn't realize you being wrong about the existence of ghosts was so annoying to others," Shane said good-naturedly, "If it's any consolation, I find it humorous."

"Thanks," Ryan scoffed, "I'm glad to know that you find the serious science of ghosts to be 'humourous'." Shane started laughing louder, and God damnit he was absolutely adorable when he laughed.

"Ghosts have about as much serious science as... I don't know. What's something that's completely fake and implausible?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in mock contemplation.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Ryan told him, trying to sound annoyed (which would've worked, except he couldn't help but break out into a smile). Shane gave him a smug grin and shrugged.

"I may have been told once or twice," He was still smiling, and Ryan felt like he could exist forever in this moment, laughing and being happy with Shane. Talking to Shane felt so natural and organic, it was easy in a way that Ryan had never felt before.

The bell ruined it; the sudden, jarring noise interrupted what Ryan considered a perfect moment. Shane glanced at his watch, and gestured down the hallway. "We should probably start walking to class." He suggested.

Ryan nodded in agreement,  and the duo began making their way down the crowded hallway. "How was your night?" Ryan asked, looked back at Shane's ruffled appearance, "You look like you didn't get much sleep."

Shane rubbed the back of his neck, looking marginally uncomfortable. "You're right about that," He said, eyes gravitating to the floor, "Family trouble kept me up all night. You know, stressful stuff."

"Are you okay?," Ryan asked Shane sympathetically. Briefly, the idea that Shane was a werewolf resurfaced, but was once again pushed aside as absurd. His friend was stressed and his first thought was werewolf-- Ryan felt kind of like a dick for even entertaining the idea.

Shane gave Ryan a small smile. "I'm fine, Ryan," He said softly, "I appreciate the concern, though. It's nice to know someone cares." Ryan's heart fluttered.

Fuck, Ryan thought, I am so gay for this boy.

"I am sorry to announce that we've arrived at my classroom," Shane looked regretful about having to part, but it was quickly replaced by an affectionate smile, "I'll see you later."

And once again, Ryan was alone, and, he saw as he glanced at the clock up on the hallway wall, late for class. Good Lord, this crush was going to be the death of him.

--

As the days pass, Ryan's feelings for Shane cease to fade. Ryan finds himself laughing at all of Shane's stupid jokes and staring at him whenever he gets the chance. Every moment Ryan spends with Shane is akin being in heaven. He's never felt this way about anyone.

And maybe, just maybe, Shane felt the same way. Ryan had noticed Shane looking at him when he thought Ryan wasn't paying attention, and there's this look that Shane gives him that makes Ryan feel like he's the only one in Shane's world at that moment.

There was the possibility that Ryan was simply projecting his feelings onto Shane. He hoped not, as he lay in bed texting Shane, laughing about some stupid meme with him. He really hoped not.

Faint moonlight filtered through Ryan's bedroom window, reminding him of the werewolf theory that he had nearly forgotten about. He looked back down at his phone.

[ryan] Can I ask you something, Shane? I know you don't believe in the paranormal but I have to share this with you

[shane] oh god

[shane] did you see a shadow and think it was a demon

[ryan] Oh shut up

[ryan] No, this is more tangible. I think there might be a werewolf around here.

[ryan] I know it sounds crazy but I saw something with these weird yellow eyes staring at me from the forest.

For a while, Shane didn't respond. About an hour had passed when Ryan's phone lit up with another notification.

[shane] i think you're crazy. don't be fucking ridiculous ryan.

[shane] you probably saw a coyote and were so obsessed with supernatural shit you thought it was something it's not.

Ryan blinked. The sudden tonal shift of the conversation had thrown him off guard.

Why was Shane being so hostile about this? Every other supernatural entity Ryan mentioned was typically met with disbelief, but never anger. Feeling slightly hurt, he typed a reply.

[ryan] Oh. Okay. You could've just said it was stupid. No need to get mad.

[shane] it's the most absurd thing you've ever said to me.

[shane] i'm going to bed. goodnight.

Ryan stared at the screen, a profound feeling of sadness spreading throughout his body. What the hell had just happened? He scrolled up to read through the conversation once again, trying to find where he might've said something wrong, yet came up empty-handed.

He couldn't fathom why Shane would get so upset about werewolves.

Ryan lay in bed and began reflecting on all the times he's brought up werewolves around Shane. The immediate denial and uneasiness. He thought back to the full moon, when Shane had been missing and shown up the next day looking as if he'd been up all night doing... something.

Was Shane a werewolf? The question had been absolutely preposterous mere days before, but was now growing more and more plausible.

Ryan grabbed his laptop, suddenly too apprehensive to sleep. He opened up Google once more, reinvigorated in his search for information on werewolves.

He had a lot of research to do.  

[insession-io]

Is It Time for a Sleep Divorce?

That buzz saw snoring next to you, the freezing room, the elbow in your face. One way to a better night’s sleep may mean creating a separate sleep space.

Maybe Lucy and Ricky Ricardo (and the censors) had it right all along: Sleep in your own bed.

While most couples consider sharing a bed to be an expression of intimacy and togetherness, research show there may be grounds for sleeping separately — like the bedroom scenes in the 1950s TV show “I Love Lucy,” starring Lucille Ball and her real-life husband, Desi Arnaz.

Couples who sleep in the same bedroom are more likely to experience nocturnal disturbances from their partner (like snoring, bad hygiene, tossing and turning and different schedules). And all this can lead to health problems, sexual dysfunction and marital spats.

A 2016 study from Paracelsus Private Medical University in Nuremberg, Germany, showed that sleep issues and relationship problems tend to occur simultaneously. In fact, a 2013 study from the University of California, Berkeley found that one partner’s sleepless night caused by disturbances from the other partner can result in conflicts in the relationship the next day.

“While there are benefits to sleeping together, one partner’s troublesome sleeping or annoying bed habits can affect the other and increase production of the stress hormone cortisol, thus causing issues that impact the couple as a whole,” said Mary Jo Rapini, a relationship and intimacy psychotherapist based in Houston.

Feeling rested, the experts say, could help you manage life with more focus and control, which in turn can make you feel more content and happier in your relationship.

“When both parties are getting a restorative night’s sleep it allows them to feel emotionally, mentally and physically healthier without one resentful of their partner for keeping them awake, nor the other feeling guilty for disturbing his or her mate,” said Jennifer Adams, the author of “Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart” (Finch Publishing, 2015). “That’s a good foundation on which to build and weather a relationship.”

Not sharing a marital bed is becoming many couples’ dream.

A 2012 survey by the Better Sleep Council showed that one in four couples sleeps separately for a better night’s sleep. Yet 46 percent of 2,000 Americans polled last year by the marketing research company OnePoll on behalf of the bedding retailer Slumber Cloud said they wished they could sleep apart from their partner.

“Some couples feel strongly that sleeping apart has made their relationship more solid,” said Ken Page, a psychotherapist based in New York City and the author of “Deeper Dating” (Shambhala Publications, 2015) and the host of a podcast by the same name. “I have worked with couples who have said that not having to worry about their sleep being disturbed was such a relief that it allowed them to appreciate the good things in their relationship and lifted any resentment they may have felt in the past.”

Couples, of course, have their own reasons for sleeping apart.

“Spending some nights in separate beds was not so much a choice, as a practical solution to my difficulty getting a decent night’s sleep sharing a bed with my husband,” said Jill Goebel, 52, a professional home organizer from Brisbane, Australia. “It was a combination of his increased snoring and my increased difficulty settling into sleep.

She said that she and her husband, Dr. Brett Goebel, 52, a scientist, “eventually agreed on me sleeping in the spare room a few times a week, but we still share a bedroom.”

The more secure partners feel in their relationship, the more comfortable they tend to be with the idea of sleeping separately.

“Happy, long-term couples are more inclined to have well-developed communication skills and patterns, which are key to making separate sleeping arrangements work,” Ms. Adams said.

Some say that gender also plays a role. “It’s usually the wife or girlfriend who favors the idea of separate beds,” Ms. Rapini said. “Women are more sensitive to their bed mate’s bad habits and pregnancy and hormonal changes or problems can cause them to want to sleep alone.”

A study published in 2007 by the journal Sleep and Biological Rhythms found that women are more likely to be disturbed by the man’s presence in bed than men by a woman.

“We started sleeping separately when I was pregnant with our first child. I would toss and turn and not get enough sleep, so on occasion I would sleep in the spare room,” said one 41-year-old woman from Brisbane, who did not wish to be identified for fear of being stigmatized in her social circle. She has been married 18 years and has two children with her husband, also 41. “Once I was pregnant with our second baby, one of us would sleep in the spare room to ensure we both got a good night’s sleep,” she said. “My husband’s snoring and blanket-hogging frustrated me when I was very tired and I would sometimes wake him up to tell him to stop, which of course he didn’t appreciate. It wasn’t until years later that it became more routine.”

Separate sleeping arrangements can include pairing side by side beds of similar size, having a smaller plus a larger bed in the room that the couple could share when they want to be intimate, or designating nights in a spare room. Separate bedrooms is another option.

Tina Cooper, 45, a licensed social worker who owns a home in Baltimore with her boyfriend of 10 years, Donald Smith, 63, also a social worker, prefers having her own room. “I’m a private person and need space,” she said. “Everyone I’ve ever dated knew that if we married I would want my own bedroom. If they tried to change my mind I knew he was not the one for me.”

Like many other couples who like having separate bedrooms, Ms. Cooper and Mr. Smith have opposite sleeping habits.

“I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird,” Ms. Cooper said. “I need soothing sounds to fall asleep to, he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, mine is soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, Donald gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”

Being open and honest with your partner about why you want to sleep separately is essential. “What’s equally as important to why you want to sleep apart is how you plan to ensure intimacy is retained in the relationship,” Ms. Adams said. “Making sure you have a routine and set times to connect is key, such as having breakfast together each morning or a drink together before bed at night, and welcoming each other into your room.”

Ms. Cooper said that she and her boyfriend “do spend a lot of time together. We hang out in each other’s bedroom, but mostly in the kitchen. And we share the third bedroom as our office, where we each have our own desk.”

Healthy couples who sleep separately can be as happy as healthy couples who sleep together. “They seem to have as good a sex life as couples who share the same bed,” Ms. Rapini said. “They feel very close to their partner. Maybe it’s because they respect each other’s personal space.”

Paulette Sherman, a psychologist based in New York City and author of “Dating From the Inside Out” (Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2008) also noted that “some couples who sleep separately report missing one another and that it adds some excitement and longing to their sex life.”

The Australian woman who wanted to remain anonymous said she and her husband have a “wonderful relationship and in terms of intimacy we have a very healthy sex life. We certainly look forward to a night away and when at home he will either go back to his bed or we remain in mine the entire night if his snoring isn’t bad.”

Philip Shen, the chief executive of SleepChoices, a mattress company based in Coral Springs, Fla., has helped many couples resolve sleep issues by helping them choose the right mattress for their lifestyle. “Over all, the primary factor doesn’t stem from a lack of desire to be with a partner.,” he said. “It’s usually the case that their current sleep environment makes it challenging for both parties to enjoy quality sleep together.”

For couples not ready for separate sleeping domains, a happy medium could be met with the right sleep solution. Investing in an adjustable mattress that accommodates both partners sleeping needs or pushing together two separate mattresses can help solve conflicts while still allowing a couple to remain close.

“And have conversations about working out your sleep incompatibilities when you’re both feeling comfortable and connected,” Mr. Page added. “Not in the middle of the night when your partner’s snoring is driving you nuts.”

By Ivy Manners Image by Ellen Weinstein

Kathryn McNeer, LPC specializes in Couples Counseling Dallas with her sound, practical and sincere advice. Kathryn's areas of focus include individual counseling, relationship and couples counseling Dallas. Kathryn has helped countless individuals find their way through life's inevitable transitions; especially that tricky patch of life known as "the mid life crisis." Kathryn's solution-focused, no- nonsense counseling works wonders for men and women in the midst of feeling, "stuck," or "unhappy." Kathryn believes her fresh perspective allows her clients find the better days that are ahead. When working with couples, it is Kathryn's direct yet non-judgmental approach that helps determine which patterns are holding them back and then helps them establish new, more productive patterns. Kathryn draws from Gottman and Cognitive behavioral therapy. When appropriate Kathryn works with couples on trust, intimacy, forgiveness, and communication.