#having Emotions

[ghosttotheparty]

eddie knows that steve’s house isn’t a home. that he doesn't really actually feel comfortable there, or safe. it makes eddie sad every time he's over, along with the lack of photos and art and personality that could make it a home. he still stays over fairly often, sleeps in steve's bed, makes coffee and breakfast in the kitchen, lounges on the sofa.

steve’s parents come back without warning one day and find eddie and steve kissing in the kitchen.

nothing scandalous or inappropriate or anything like that. they’re both smiling, leaning over their coffee cups to peck each other's lips, (and eddie thinks the harringtons have the worst timing in all of human existence, because this is the first time they’ve kissed today), but catherine claps her hand over her mouth like they walked in on them fucking on the dining table. steve barely reacts when they walk in. he just sips his coffee slowly.

walter tells him to leave. his voice is quiet and lethally calm, and steve does as he says. eddie follows.

steve moves in with eddie that day, into the apartment the government gave them after the trailer was destroyed. it’s small, only slightly bigger than the trailer was, with two bedrooms. steve stays overnight enough that he practically already lives there, but now eddie makes space in his drawers for steve’s clothes. it doesn’t take long for their clothes to combine.

steve is quiet for a while after moving in. he doesn’t say much, doesn’t really look into eddie’s or wayne’s eyes.

wayne comes close and hugs him when he starts to cry, murmuring that he’s home now, that everything was gonna be okay. steve falls asleep in his arms when he finally stops crying.

steve doesn’t say it, but eddie knows he feels like a burden. one more stomach to feed, one more load of laundry. even with the hush money, times are tough. especially when no one will hire eddie.

so eddie reminds him as often as he can that he’s home. that nothing he and wayne do for him are favours, or just them being nice. that they love him and want him safe and cared for. he wakes him up by pressing kisses across his face, and he watches sports games with him (and asks questions so he can actually follow along), and he remembers how he takes his coffee, and he tells him every chance he can that he loves him. even silently, squeezing his hand under tables in public.

he knows steve doesn’t really believe him. or at least, that it’s hard for steve to believe him. it wouldn’t be easy, not when his own parents never said the words, when they told him without a second thought to leave the house he grew up in. he knows that steve doesn’t quite feel at home in the apartment, that he feels like he doesn’t belong there.

even though eddie and wayne do everything they can to make him feel safe, to make him feel at home. wayne comes home one day with printed photographs that he got after talking to joyce. photos of steve with his friends, with eddie and robin and nancy and jonathan, with the kids. photos jonathan took of them during campaigns, during movie nights and parties at the harrington house. the photos go up on the walls in eddie and steve’s room.

(except one. it’s a photo of eddie and steve on the sofa in the wheeler basement, steve laying on eddie’s chest, looking up into his eyes, playing with the guitar pick on his chest, and eddie is smiling softly at him, his arm around his neck, his fingers in his hair. eddie doesn’t even remember what they were talking about, just that he felt warm and cosy and safe. the photo is on the fridge. it’s wayne’s favourite.)

it takes a while for steve to get comfortable at the apartment.

eddie gets to watch it happen. at first, steve sits stiffly on the sofa unless he’s with eddie. (he likes to lean into him.) but after a while he starts to pull his legs up onto the sofa as he watches games with wayne or movies with eddie, sitting cross-legged or pulling his knees to his chest. for a while he needs eddie’s help remembering where the dishes go in the kitchen, which cups go in which cabinet, which order wayne’s mugs go in on the shelves. but he eventually stops asking.

one day eddie comes home from band practice to find steve doing the dishes. he’s wearing one of wayne’s flannels.

he wears eddie’s clothes often enough. usually his t-shirts and sweaters when they haven’t done the laundry, but he’s never worn anything of wayne’s.

‘hey, baby.’

eddie is stuck in the doorway, the strap of his bag still between his fingers, and steve turns to look over his shoulder at him.

‘eds?’

‘hi,’ eddie says weakly, looking at him. the flannel is rolled up to his elbows, and when steve turns to look at him in concern, eddie sees that the flannel is hanging open to reveal one of eddie’s motörhead shirts.

‘hey,’ steve says, quickly shutting off the water and drying his hands before he comes over, holding eddie’s face as eddie’s eyes fill with tears. ‘did something happen? what’s wrong?’

‘no,’ eddie chokes, blinking tears out of his eyes and dropping his bag to the floor. steve wipes the tears away tenderly, kissing his lips softly. ‘i’m fine, stevie.’

‘why are you crying?’

‘’m just…’ he takes a sharp breath, reaching up to hold steve’s waist, pushing under the flannel and holding him tightly. ‘kinda like… overwhelmed? with how much i love you? and how— how happy i am?’

steve’s face softens.

‘baby,’ he breathes. eddie’s lip quivers. he slides his hands to grip the lapels of the flannel before he reaches to trace the scars around his neck. ‘i love you too.’

eddie pulls him into a hug, holding him tightly as he waits for his tears to stop. steve waits with him, playing with the ends of his curls, running a hand up and down his back. eddie is sniffling when he finally stops crying, and steve holds his face in his hands, wiping his cheeks and kissing him softly, over and over, until eddie is giggling, smelling the dish soap on his hands.

but eddie just starts crying again when steve says casually and easily and lightly, ‘do you know what time wayne is coming home?’

[ziskeyt]

Am I crying over a Breath of the Wild mod??? Yes. @woulduknowmore just showed me this mod and she's improved my entire night, it's cleared my skin, it's given me back my hope and wonder and joy.

[kitsunespawz]

We back!

It's Meeting time in Chapter 21, also known as yet another chapter @evilrat-sabre made me cry in. It's fine. /lh

[andoutofharm]

hey remember in january when they played iheartradio and they were like a week away from lftos coming out and joe wasnt there and we were all confused about why and worried and NOW THEY ARE ALL HERE PLAYING THE SONG TOGETHER

[chicanedaze]

whatever else you have to say about this book idc idc this made me teary-eyed.

[fencesandfrogs]

three letter words

my cousin tells me, "if i use gay as an insult, it's not because i hate gay people. it's just what i do." i can't remember what prompted him to tell me that, but for the rest of my life, it's the first time i'll remember someone using the word gay.

my mother tells me, "queer is an slur." i have been calling myself queer for three years already. the best word i have to describe myself, and she wants to take it from me, as if it could be replaced so simply with words i already know are insulting.

my friends tell me, "if gay isn't an insult, why are you upset when we call people gay?" and i fumble to explain that i know they mean it to be insulting, but we're in middle school and no one teaches middle schoolers how to explain this sort of thing.

i scream, "climb the fence, maggots," and one of the same friends tells me, "don't say that, it sounds like faggots," and i'm so upset that she thinks i'd use that word that i forget she had just called the other team gay.

my mother tells me, "there were no aids protests in the eighties." i show her the pictures. i don't say that i knew about this when i was ten. i don't say that there's a book on my shelf about a girl with hiv, and i wonder if it would still be considered YA if she were gay.

my father tells me, "i guess i should stop making lesbian jokes around you." i respond with something trivial. i'm at the age where labels so much and it's only the way i look at my best friend that i know there's something odd inside me. what he calls me doesn't matter.

my boyfriend tells me, "i haven't met your father." like everyone i date, he never will, but this is a matter of both of our safety. it's one thing to be a lesbian: it's another to be a gay man. it doesn't matter that i'm neither; what matters is the words people see.

green day says, "maybe i'm the faggot america." my cousin and father both have endorsed this song and eventually i hear it enough i stop flinching. i hold hands with boys and think about kissing them and know one day i will have to assign a word to myself.

my college friends call people "fruity" and are surprised when i'm upset. i wonder what history we share. they flop their wrists at me and i don't understand it. i have already crawled out of high school with my soul bared to everyone i knew. all i can hear from them is mockery.

here is something my mother will never understand: no word is safe. so what if i'm a fag? that word has never been apologized for in my presence. why can't i be a dyke? didn't i already pay the cost of being one?

[lead-paint-girliepop]

i cry at night, when i think of them.

every queer who came before. the things they endured "three pieces of women's clothing or two of men's" entrenched into the law so people like us could be dragged to prison and humiliated.

i'll never know what it's like but i can see the pain on them. it's easy to spot them in a crowd at pride.

i'll never know what it's like because they'd never want me to. because the fights they fought and what they went through was all so we never would again. i could never pay them back for that. They'd never ask me to

[deanwinchesterwebsite]

thinking about how dean can never go home. and neither can sam, anymore

[breakfastteatime]

I'm not crying watching Simone Biles, YOU ARE.

[detentiontrack]

JSBDHDHDHSBDB AMPHIBA!!!!!!!!!

[jdotsodomite]

"i will come right back to you" charlie plssss

[volodymyrovychh]

being in love with your best friend and being too pussy to actually say anythinf about it is such an experience. like i CANNOT ruin what i already have with this boy but ohhh my heart aches for him

[crabs-but-better]

i love my body i love myself i am actively making a home in this house i’ve been given. i can look at photos of myself and finally think to myself, “that’s me!!” I have the hair i want, the name i want- when my teacher comes through the drive through he says ‘hi Grey’ like it’s nothing- and so many people in my life get to witness this true happiness flourishing inside me as i explore being my true self and it’s so beautiful that i can take something that wasn’t mine and make it so, totally mine.

i have scars now. one from scraping my knee on the pavement, another from splitting my forehead when I was four, and one day I’ll have one more to add to the collection, one that represents not pain, but total joy and affirmation. i love my body, and though i cant always take care of her the way i should, she serves me well and makes sure i have a home to return to that’s warm and safe and mine. always mine.

[abasketofnothing]

yall sleeping on jonas renske

[pickleslice]

james warpath a character defined by his loss but also his kindness