#havent been washed in two weeks

[monotone-artist]

just havin fun with outfit stuff

[id: some digital drawings of shadow the hedgehog, amy rose, and rouge the bat. shadow is wearing a red sweater vest with a black star on the middle, a gray t-shirt, dark blue jeans with the cuffs rolled up around his ankles, and brown converse shoes. he's standing there with his fists awkwardly clenched, glancing away with a mildly resigned look on his face. a there's a sketch of rouge in the background behind him, grinning and giving him a thumbs up.

amy is wearing a pastel yellow blouse under orange overalls, which are baggy at the legs. the overalls have a few red, orange, and white flower patterns; ferns and leaves patterns; and white dotted lines and speckles. the chest pocket has a big white flower design on it. she's also wearing simple brown shoes. amy is skipping merrily along, her arms bent up at her sides as she grins a big smile over her shoulder.

finally, rouge is wearing a black croptop with a pink heart-shaped chest, a studded choker, elbow-length black fingerless gloves, a studded black belt, ripped light blue denim shorts, leggings, and her usual white high-heeled boots with the pink heart at the toe. she also has some golden ear piercings and gray-and-pink earrings. she's standing with her fist on one hip and the other held up, doing that thing where your pointer finger and thumb are held together. she has a gentle yet knowing smile. end id]

[vampirebiter]

i want mac and cheese but i dont want to have to get up and walk over to the house and make it. sigh... suffering....

[mrfoox]

I hate this time of the month like fuck this shit fuck it all

[adaines-furious-feast]

"You're not depressed, you're just lazy". As if what you call "laziness" isn't actually making my life ten times harder.

[widevibratobitch]

my hair are fckn yellow what the hell

[eepyfaggoth]

Job Opportunity in Boston

Hello! I'm a multiply disabled medically complex wheelchair user in greater boston who relies on caregivers and i am hiring! No experience necessary, just be resourceful, patient, covid cautious, dependable, and an enthusiastic learner. Especially looking for other fat people! Hoping for someone who drives but I am accessible via the T.

Turning to tumblr as a bit of a hail mary because i am having a really hard time finding someone who can do the job, show up, and also be normal to me as a fat disabled queer through local channels, and i have one worker now who comes as often as they can, but ive been without adequate support for a while. i would appreciate anyone and everyone who reblogs, to possibly get this in the eyes of someone who might be a good fit! welcoming advice as well!

I have the sweetest esa cat

Pay is 19$ an hour funded by masshealth, i have 30-35 hours available and you can work as many or as few of those as you want

Im still very much trying to figure out life with my disability and how to function and organize and communicate my needs and navigating what I'm emotionally able to accept help with, but in general I need help with housework, cooking, managing my medical care, pushing me in my manual wheelchair, sometimes help using a slide board, and I'm still trying to figure out what things look like on a daily basis. going places with or for me. helping me get in the car, helping me pack a backpack if i need to go somewhere. getting mail, helping clean and pick things up off the floor, organizing medical appointments, making phone calls, unpacking medical equipment. emptying a pee jar. Helping me manage/charge medical equipment. I have a hard time lifting my arms a lot because of really bad neck issues, and i have really limited stamina. Putting drinks in smaller bottles, taking packaging off things. I also kind of need help with dressing and bathing sometimes but I have a really hard time coping with that and so like. That happens when it happens and is what it is. I have some systems for washing my hair without actually getting in the shower. I have variable conditions so things might not be the same all the time, on a good day I might be able to sit up for a while and do tasks, on a bad day it's very hard to bring a drink to my lips.

There's no physically lifting my entire body, but I do need someone who can lift the 50lb largest piece of one my wheelchairs and standard everyday heavy stuff like groceries or boxes of protein shakes. And sometimes my limbs. There's also likely things like reaching and stooping, alas, I drop a lot of things on the floor. I have a lot of allergies and some tasks are more complicated than they otherwise might be, and Im really hoping to find someone who can pay attention to detail and is comfortable working through things slowly.

i have a lot of allergies so memory and attention to detail are important, as is a willingness to wash hands frequently. i have a disorder called mast cell activation syndrome and frankly the precautions i need to take feel absurd

covid precautions:

Masks required! I'm hoping to find someone who also takes other precautions.I also need someone to be careful about monitoring yourself and not coming in if you are sick with *anything* because I *will* get it and it *will* be a multiple week ordeal where I likely experience dangerous symptoms. must be able to test weekly and mask with a k/n95 while around me. ideally be someone who lives low risk (masks everywhere, doesnt attend crowded events / spaces, etc). cannot be someone with a high risk lifestyle (has kids in primary school, unmasked in food service areas regularly, etc) we can talk about my precautions too, right now i havent left my house in weeks, i have two way masking with my current pca, and occasionally an unmasked delivery person will come into my apartment though id like to work on solutions to this. i need to like. revamp my precautions. but i dont go anywhere without a mask, i only have unmasked contact with another person if someone comes into my apartment and i cant get to my mask, i am eating while my pca is here and they are masked, or when my also homebound and careful partner is visiting. if someone was working for me more than 25 hours a week and lived a very low risk life i might be open to having a bubble with them during non surge times with precautions like air filters?

i really try to create a calm and positive work environment, though i have complex and real needs and i've been struggling to survive for a long time and i am very overwhelmed. i care deeply about a humanizing workplace, and i am looking for someone who will care enough about my needs as a human being to take the job seriously even though i am as flexible as possible.

About me, in case that helps?

Fat genderfluid dyke. I'm on my third medical leave from college (like a champ!) but I study medical anthropology, disability studies, and linguistics. I don't get out much or do a lot right now because of my illness but i like fiber arts, music, I don't do tons because I spend most of my time in bed but im really passionate about mutual aid, it's been a a minute but I've been wanting to get back into d&d, I think the magicians is the greatest work of television ever written, and I've been trained as a clown and want to try stand up (well, sit down) comedy at some point. I'm a bit neurotic but very self aware. trying to sort out anticonsumerism in the context of my disability. i value creativity, resourcefulness, autonomy, and consent.

(if this went like really well, i am also potentially looking to apply for housing assistance with accommodation for a room for a live in aid, but probably in western mass. idk)

Gwen :) he/they

Message for details

[axelsagewrites]

Could I request Alpha!Rhaenyra x omega!handmaiden!reader where they’re drawn to each other from the moment they meet and bond over their mutual trust issues regarding losing loved ones while slowly falling in love on Dragonstone? Like Nyra is cold and distant with everyone else, hesitant to let anyone in, but she just clicks with reader and whenever they’re alone, Nyra just melts and goes all soft, all affectionate touches and sweet nicknames and tender looks? (Two of my fav nicknames she’d call reader are: my little one, and Perzītsos (little flame) Maybe even some soft smut? It doesn’t have to be omegaverse if you’re not comfortable with writing it

Rhaenyra Targaryen*Perzītsos

Pairings: Rhaenyra x handmaiden!f!reader

Warnings: mentions of loss, family death, grieving, smut, fingering, f!recieiving oral, nipple play, pet names, soft smut 18+

Word count: 3110

A/N: trying to pick between emma and millie for a Rhaenyra gif is a near impossible decision

also i wouldve done the omega and alpha things but i havent really read much like that so i didnt wanna accidentally butcher it so i hope this was okay!

Masterlist Here

Translations

Perzītsos (little flame) ñuha dōna (my sweet)

All the servants had lined up, backs pressed against the stone walls of the corridor, waiting for the princess arrival. Heads bowed, hands whipping sweat on their skirts, hushed whispers to see if anyone had caught a glimpse of her yet. The sound of dragon wings batting through the skies alerted you all to her arrival.

Rhaenyra barely looked at anyone, let alone the servants as she walked the halls of her new home. As she spoke to the lords of Dragonstone at the entrance you took the moment to take her in. Her long silver hair was windswept from the fight, cascading down her back, yet somehow not tangled from the flight. She didn’t wear what you would expect of a princess, instead clad in leather and bright red cloth for ease of riding. Her eyes were the softest of lilacs, staring at you like flowers.

Oh fuck! You thought as your eyes snapped to the ground. She had caught your stares and you could only hope from this distance she did not see your embarrassment. What you hadn’t saw was the slight smirk on her face or the way her eyes lingered on you as she passed you by. Your new boss had told you yesterday you would be one of her many handmaidens and not to expect any great things out of washing the princess delicates so to keep your head down. You’d only arrived last week, and you had already made the first mistake.

You had hoped to spend the rest of your life with your family in Old Town even if only as a servant, but a fire had made that impossible. You escaped with your life but had lost it at the same time. One of the lords of the manor you worked in took pity on you and had you sent here so to not have to suffer the memories. Yet Dragonstone was cold, its walls empty and dark, and its people sombre even when greeting their princess.

The princess had been practically locked in her chamber for the past week, barely saying two words to her servants at a time. her eyes would always watch your every move as you cleaned her room. She never even let you do half your tasks and wouldn’t allow anyone to touch her. she was cold but you could not blame her since you too missed home, even if home was so different for you both. “Take these to the princess for her bath,” the head maid shoved a small chest into your hands before stacking towels on top. “She’s in a right grouchy mood for someone who has everything,” the woman muttered as she stomped off.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you set off to the princess’s chambers. they had made you walk this path till your feet felt like they were going to crack to make sure you never got lost however as you stood in front of the door you kind of wish you had got lost. Taking a deep breath, you steadied the chest on your hip and knocked on the heavy wooden door. a moment passed before someone called out, “Come in,”

When your hand took the handle, you hadn’t expected the door to be so heavy. You shuffled forward, shoving the door open by your shoulder as you struggled to move the wood while balancing the chest. When you finally got in the room you were met again with those violet eyes. Rhaenyra smirked as she watched your head drop in embarrassment as you quickly shuffled in the room.

“Need a hand?” she asked as she stood from the bed she had been sitting on.

“It’s alright my princess I’ve got it- “you started to say as you placed the towels on the table beside the steaming hot bath when crash. The chest slipped from your hip and hit the ground, the wooden corner splintering and the top breaking over. “No,” you gasped as you knelt down to try put all the bath salts and fragrances back into the chest.

You heard footsteps but didn’t look up till Rhaenyra’s hand shot out to pick up one of the bottles, “Let me help you,” she said softly, ignoring the way you gaped at her. up close those eyes seemed even more magical, “Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes meeting you.

You realised she had picked up all the pieces and quickly went to stand, “Yes princess, thank you princess, princess I- “

“Rhaenyra,” she cut you off.

Pausing for a moment, eyes scrunched in confusion, before you nodded, “Princess Rhaynera I- “your sentence was cut off by her soft giggles.

“No please just call me Rhaenyra. In my chambers at least. Id like some form of normalcy at least,” Rhaenyra said as she stood up, but she did not move back as you began to lay out the bath supplies on the table. It seemed almost that she stepped closer. “What is your name?” she asked, her breath brushing the back of your neck.

You turned around, trying to stand tall, as you told her. “A beautiful name,” she said, her lips finally curved into a smile. It suited her face far better than her usual melancholy. “Are you here to ready the bath?”

“Yes pri- “you said, stopping suddenly with an awkward smile, “Rhaenyra. It will only be a few moments longer,”

“Thank you,” Rhaenyra said, a slight laugh in her voice as she stepped away to begin taking her jewellery off.

As you poured the salts in you decided to try actually speaking to her, perhaps she just missed conversation you thought. “I can help you with that,” you said causing her to spin round, “if you give me a moment of course,” you said as you stirred the salts in before picking up the bottle of fragrance the king had sent in spades for her.

“I know how to take my own jewellery off,” she said, turning away again.

“I did not mean to offend you,” you said quietly as the sweet smell filled the room, “I just like to be of help,”

Rhaenyra chuckled as she sat her jewels down, small things that cost more than your life, “I don’t think anyone could help me truly,” she said as she began to tie her hair up.

“Maybe,” you said as you laid out the towels, “but you never know till you ask. My mother always told me that,” you said, pausing for a moment in the sweet memory. She had always been so positive.

Rhaenyra paused briefly before finishing her hair. “Mothers always seem so wise,” she said as she looked out the window, “Till they die that is,” she muttered as her hands moved to try unstringing the laces behind her back.

“You don’t miss the fire till it’s gone cold,” you said as you checked the waters temperature, deciding the bath was in fact ready. Rhaenyra turned round with a questioning look, abandoning her futile attempts to undress herself, “That’s what my lord told me when I lost mine. Would you like me to get the laces princess?” you asked, somehow managing to stay calm as you spoke.

Rhaenyra nodded and you moved to stand behind her, gently loosening the dress, “Do you miss her?” Rhaenyra asked as the dress was loose enough for her to slip off her shoulders.

“Everyday,” you said as you picked up the heavy fabric and attempted to fold it.

“Me too,” she sighed as she moved to help you fold the dress, “Does it get easier?”

“No,” you said honestly as you bundled the gown into a drawer, “but it hurts less, in time,”

Rhaenyra didn’t say anything as she walked towards the bath. You silently helped her slip into the hot water, her shift going see through in the water, but you quickly averted your eyes. “Goodnight Rhaenyra,” you said as you bowed your head and went to leave.

“Wait,” she called out as your hand rested on the door handle, “Could you stay?” she said, her voice going quiet as she averted her gaze, “You could brush my hair?” she asked with a hopeful smile.

“Of course,” you smiled back at her, “It would be my pleasure princess- “

“Rhae,” she said cutting you off. “Call me Rhae,” she said as she settled back in the water.

“Okay Rhae,” you said as you moved a stool to sit behind her bath and took a brush in your hand, “Lean back,” you said as you took down her hair and began to brush.

Rhaenyra began requesting you daily for certain tasks. You would be the one to brush her hair, help her dress, arrange her bath. At first Rhaenyra would listen to your stories as you did your chores. She was nearly always silent when you did so, asking maybe one or two questions the whole time but always insisting you continued when you stopped.

Then she began to tell you, her stories. About her first time on a dragon, about her father’s new wife, and her mother’s death. Slowly she opened up more and more. You began to see her outside of chores. She’d have you sneak out to join her dinners or even a few times let you meet her dragon with the promise of a ride on it one day. Your meetings got longer and her words sweeter. Her hand began to linger when she would pass you the brush or your hands rested a moment too long on her shoulders until the day you kissed her without even thinking.

You had been helping her dress and had moved to her front to adjust the material. “All done,” you said, suddenly looking up from where your head had been tilted down to fix the bodice when your nose brushed against hers. Her lips brushed yours as your head moved up, her eyes gazing into yours and without a thought or a word you leaned forward closing the gap. It was a short but soft kiss, and you pulled back, wide eyed and almost teary as you expected to be scolded when Rhaenyra stepped forward.

Her lips crashed onto yours, her hands moving to hold your back and press you into her tighter. Your hands had been trapped between your bodies and snaked up her front to rest on her shoulders. This kiss was desperate, hungry, and so needy that you didn’t part for air till your head grew dizzy. “You shall dine with me tonight,” she whispered, her forehead resting on yours, “and I will count down the minutes till I return to find you in these chambers,”

That had been weeks ago. Now you lay in a bed of fine silks and furs, a silver haired girl laying with her head on your chest as you stroked her soft strands. “Rhae?” you asked quietly, “Are you awake?”

“Yes,” she whispered back. You couldn’t help but smile at her voice, “I’m just enjoying your company Perzītsos,” little flame, she whispered still in the quiet room only lit by a few candles. She had given you one of her shifts to wear as you settled into the bed with her, and it felt like clouds on your skin. “Is that wrong of me?” she asked as she brought your hand to her mouth to kiss.

“Not at all zaldrīzes,” you said, kissing the top of her head.

“Your Valyrian is improving,” you could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke.

You smiled down at the girl curled in your lap, “Only because of my teacher,” you said.

Rhaenyra shuffled and moved to sit up, her legs draped over your lap as she curled into you, her head resting on your shoulder, “It is easy to teach such a willing student,” she praised, kissing your check.

You turned your head, resting your forehead on hers before capturing her kiss. Her hand moved to hold your cheeks while yours softly squeezed her hip. Without a word Rhaenyra moved to straddle your legs before crashing her lips back to yours, holding your face gently. The kiss was comfortable, the type of kiss you melt into. Your hands moved from her hips to her back, pressing her chest into yours as she led the kiss.

Rhaenyra’s hands slipped down from your face between your bodies, resting over the thin fabric covering your chest. “Patience little one,” she giggled as she pushed back, “Good things come to those who wait,”

“I’ve been waiting for someone like you for a long time Nyra,” you panted before rejoining your lips, your hands slipping down to squeeze her ass over her shift.

Rhaenyra’s hands slipped off your body but only for a moment to pull off the thin fabric covering her body. “That’s better,” she said as she as she placed your hands back on the soft flesh of her ass as her hands began to gently squeeze your chest.

Her lips became more feverous, but Rhaenyra was careful not to burn you, always going softer on her favourite hand maiden. Rhaenyra’s hips began to grind down, signalling to you without words. One of your hands slipped from her back to her front, moving between your bodies to run a finger up her cunt, “So wet for me,” you praised with a slight smirk.

“Shut up and kiss me,” she giggled as she pulled you back in.

Your fingers trailed up and down her wet folds for only a few moments before slowly pushing into her entrance. Rhaenyra moaned into the kiss as your fingers slipped in, your thumb positioned to rub slow circles into her clit which you had worked over so many times now. Rhaenyra began to slowly buck her hips on your fingers, fucking herself slowly as your fingers curled.

Her moans were soft and mixed with gasps as you began to kiss down her jaw and neck. The soft skin was like a drug as your lips moved down to nip at her collarbones. Your spare hand moved from her ass to her chest as you began to kiss her chest before taking one of her hardened nipples into your mouth, sucking on it gently, “Yes,” Rhaenyra moaned softly as your fingers began to trace her hardened bud, “Don’t stop,”

“Whatever you want,” you whispered before lightly biting the bud with your teeth.

“You,” she gasped, “I want you,” she moaned as your fingers curled into that all too familiar spot. The way her hips began to buck was a familiar sight. your hand moved from her chest to her hips to hold them in place as you helped her moan out in ecstasy, curling your fingers still as she rode out her orgasm before collapsing into your arms.

Rhaenyra’s head rested on your shoulder for a moment as she caught her breath. Your hands moved to rub soft circles into her back, holding her close. After a few moments Rhaenyra lifted her head to leave a soft kiss onto your lips, “Your turn,” she whispered.

“It’s okay princess- “

“Let me take care of you,” she interrupted, brushing your hair out of your face, “Lay down little one. I want to hear you,” she said as she moved to let you lay on the soft sheets.

Her eyes raked over you body, the shift doing little to cover your modesty. Rhaenyra sat next to you, reaching out to trace your hardened nipples over your clothes, “So pretty,” she muttered before she moved lean over your body. She kissed your lips before trailing down your body, leaving kisses down your skin till she reached your thighs.

Rhaenyra left several kisses up the sensitive skin while you shivered from her touch. Her soft breath fanned over your wet cunt, already making your body tense. You breathed in sharply when she placed a sudden kiss to your clit, your hands gripping the fine sheets. “Relax,” she whispered with a teasing tone, “Trust me little one,” she said as she moved your thighs over her shoulders, “Let me hear your sweet sounds,” she said before licking a soft stripe up your folds.

Your hands tightened around the sheets as Rhaenyra began to lap up your juices, softly at first but with growing hunger. She moved her head till her nose brushed your clit, making your body jerk. Rhaynera hands wrapped around your legs, squeezing the soft flesh of your thighs as she began to fuck you with her tongue.

You could feel the knot growing in your stomach and you did your best to stay quiet, but Rhaenyra was not making it easy. One of her hands released your thigh only for her to begin teasing your hole with her fingers. Rhaenyra slowly eased two fingers into you, curling them slowly inside you as her mouth moved up to place open mouth kisses to your clit. Her tongue massaged your bundle of nerves while her fingers began to brush over that one particular spot.

Your soft moans filled the chambers and the fear of someone entering didn’t even faze you as your body tightened. When you felt her begin to lightly suck on your clit you could feel your peak ready to tip so when her teeth grazed the bundle of nerves you began to crash on her tongue, your knuckles turning white as you gripped the sheets.

Rhaenyra didn’t stop even as your thighs tightened around her head. You felt your body might break in half as her mouth seemed to get more determined to milk another out of you. it didn’t take long till your body was jerking as you tried to almost fight off the second orgasm, but it was futile once her fingers curled to hit your sweet spot and you came again on her face.

This time Rhaenyra came up for air as you lay in bed, half dazed as you stared at the ceiling. “You were so good for me,” Rhaenyra praised as she lay beside you, brushing the hair out of your face, “Can I hold you little one?” she asked, raising your hand to her lips and to kiss your knuckles.

You nodded, shuffling slightly so that Rhaenyra could lay behind you, her arms wrapped around your front while her head buried into the crook of your neck. “Get some sleep darling,” Rhaenyra said, kissing your shoulder, “I’ll be here in the morning,”

“Okay,” you whispered as you felt Rhaenyra shuffle and suddenly a thick blanket fell over you both, “Gnight Rhae,” you said, already half asleep,”

“Goodnight Perzītsos,”

Taglist @clairacassidy @starkleila @valeskafics

[bkglovergirl]

hi! could i request a hawks x male/depressed reader? reader struggles to eat/get out of bed, mostly non verbal + struggles with executive dysfunction:) been having a rough time lately being stuck in a depressive episode and keigo really keeps me going LMAO

pls don’t feel pressured to write this if you don’t feel comfortable/able! <3

I hope you feel better! And of course, I’ll do it! I get it completely lol

╭₊˚๑Keigo Takami(Hawks) X Depressive reader﹕☁️₊˚

TW: eating struggles, Depressive habits 

Anyone feeling like this just know it gets better and I hope this helps!

Word Count; 1.1k words

 ִֶָ 𓂃⊹

For the past two weeks, maybe more—honestly, who is counting—you have been lying in bed. You've barely gotten up to go to the bathroom and eat. It’s not like you are sleeping. No, you are quite literally just lying in bed doing nothing. The energy it takes to grab your phone or even charge it is a lot, and the last time you checked, it was five percent. You know what caused this yet being in bed is causing more stress but you just can’t get up. Work, training, and studying. You are so behind on both yet you refuse to sit up and at least open a book. 

“Baby?” You don’t know when this man went here, but he’s kneeling down in front of you. You glance at him, and he looks worried. God, you hate when he’s worried, especially when it involves you. “It’s been four weeks, You gotta get up.” So he’s keeping count, great. You use the energy you have to turn and face away from him but he quickly stops you. “Come on, talk to me at least what’s going on?” You just stare at him. He sighs and walks out of the bedroom. You bring the blankets over your head and let out a little sigh. He just walked out, he’s so over this and over you, you think. You don’t know how long you were under the blanket for overthinking but the heat is getting to much so you kick the blanket off you and you smell… food? It smells good but also nauseating, Your stomach growls and you realize you havent ate in a while. Keigo waddles back into the room, holding a try with pasta and water, he walks to the side of the bed you arent rotting on and slowly places the try on his lap. “Come on baby, sit up and eat.” You slowly sit up and rest your back on the headboard. He grabs the bowel and hands it to you, You take it and stare at it. “What’s wrong? Isnt this your comfort food?” You nod but still just stare at it. “You gotta speak to me baby, I can only know so much… are you nauseous?” You nod. “It’s because you havent ate, take a bite a promise youll feel better.” Keigo debates in his head a bit before grabbing the fork and bringing it up to your mouth. You take a bite and slowly chew, you let out a satisfied sigh and grab the fork from him and start eating. “Slow down!” he laughs.

 𓂃⊹

After you ate Keigo had walked out to go clean up and wash the dishes, he had left the cup of water you without knowing avoided. You were just staring at it. Slowly but surly you grab it and start drinking it, the coldness felt nice and you ended up chugging it until there was only ice left. Keigo walked back in and quickly noticed the glass empty, he smiled looking at you and you smile back. He goes to the side of the bed you are on and picks you up, surprised you gasp and wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s alright baby.” 

He brings you into the bathroom and the smell of the room hits you admittedly. Keigo had lit a Vanillia candle and it rest right near the sink. Next you notice the bath he set up, filled with bubbles and your hair products, face products and soup all set up. Keigo sets you down slowly and you look at him, “Hands up.” you listen and he takes off your shirt. You blush and cover yourself quickly. “It’s okay baby, youre beautiful.” slowly you put your arms down. “Do you want help with your shorts?” You shake your head ‘no’ and take them off yourself. “Alright baby hop in.” He takes off his shirt and you get into the tub, sitting down. Keigo runs out of the bathroom quickly and runs back in holding a cup? “Almost forgot!” You smile.

Keigo kneels down besides the tub and fills the cup full of water, “alright tilt your head back and close your eyes.” You listen and he wets your hair. When he thinks he got it wet enough, he grabs your shampoo and massages it into your hair. “Don’t fall asleep on me.” You giggle as he washes the shampoo out of your hair. He repeates and does the same thing with the conditioner, you fight back the sleep. “All done, now turns and face me.” you listen and he grabs your face cleanser, you watch as he puts some in his hands and rubs it on our face slowly, “what is I give you a soap mustache?” You shake your head no and he laughs, he wets a face cloth and gets all the soap off your face. With the same facecloth he rinceses it and puts your body soup on it, he slowly washes your body and you can’t help but avoid looking at him. “Oh don’t do that.” he whines and you look at him. Smiling he gives you a quick kiss.

 𓂃⊹

You stand there shivering in a towel as Keigo runs back into the bathroom with a fresh new pair of clothes for you. “Do you want me to do it?” You shake your head ‘no’ and get yourself dressed, Keigo takes this as a win. He knows you have the energy and strength to walk back into the bed but he picks you up and beings you into the bedroom and softly puts you on the bed. He goes and grabs your brush and sits behind you, he carefully brushes your hair making sure not to hurt you. 

“M’sorry…”

“Shh don’t apologize baby.” he kisses the top of your head. “I know everything is a lot right now, and I should have stepped away from work sooner and helped you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, I thought you just needed time but I ignored you for to long. Just know i’m here baby and I’ll aways be here.” He puts down your hair brush and pulls you onto him, he combs his fingers through your hair. 

“You don’t hate me right..?”

“Of course not baby! Don’t make me laugh! Stuff get’s stressful I understand. I Love you and this won’t change that.”

“I love you so much.” You turn and hug him tightly.

[fikefries]

Request for John b: reader finds out she is pregnant and is scared to tell John b because they are still teenagers.

tides of change

thank you for the request! i hope this was okay!

tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at the pregnancy test resting on the bathroom counter.

positive.

the word seemed to echo in your mind. you had been feeling unusually tired, battling waves of morning sickness for the past week. so, you took the test just in case, never truly expecting it to confirm your worst fears.

this changes everything.

you collapsed onto the cold tile floor, consumed by a whirlwind of emotions. fear, uncertainty, and a sense of overwhelming responsibility washed over you. you and john b were just teenagers, you havent even graduated high school, and now this unexpected change is going to alter your lives completely.

sobs racked your body as you realised what this would mean.

how were you going to tell john b? how would he react? would he even want to be a part of this?

but amidst the chaos of your thoughts, a small voice whispered a glimmer of hope. maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something beautiful, the start of a family and a life with the boy you loved most.

with a shaky breath, you pulled yourself up from the bathroom floor, wiping away the tears that stained your cheeks. you had plans to meet john b at the chateau later today, as he wanted to go on a beach day. despite the turmoil raging within you, you knew you had to face him, to share this together.

summoning every ounce of strength you had left, you gathered yourself and began to get dressed, preparing yourself for the difficult conversation that awaited you at john b's house.

when you reached john b's house, he was already sat in the driving seat of the pogue, waiting for you.

"what took you so long babe?"

"just slept in sorry baby"

you felt bad about lying to him, but you just werent ready to break the news, it wasnt the right time.

once you reached the beach, john b took your hand and pulled you onto the shore as you both undressed, a light blue bikini top paired with beach shorts adorning your body, while he was shirtless with board shorts on.

as you stepped out into the sunlight, uncertainty loomed on the horizon, but deep down, you knew that whatever the future held, you and john b would face it together.

the salty breeze carried whispers of change as john b and you stood on the windswept beach, your laughter mingling with the crash of the waves. summer stretched out before you, a canvas of endless possibilities.

you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, your gaze fixed on the horizon. your stomach tied in knots with a secret you couldn't bear to keep any longer. with a deep breath, you turned to face john b, the words heavy on your tongue.

"john b, we need to talk," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

john b's easy grin faltered as he sensed the gravity of your tone. "what's up?"

"i... i don't know how to say this," you began, your heart pounding in your chest.

"i- ive been feeling tired and ive had morning sickness for the last 5 days so.."

john b softly took your shaking hand in his in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"i took a test this morning, and... and i found out that i'm pregnant."

silence stretched between the two of you, the crash of the waves echoing in the stillness. john b's expression shifted from confusion to shock, then to a whirlwind of emotions you couldn't decipher.

"pregnant?" he repeated, his voice barely a whisper.

you nodded, tears welling in your eyes. "i'm scared, john b. we're just teenagers, and... and i don't know what to do."

without a word, john b closed the distance between the two of you, his arms enveloping you in a tender embrace. he held you close, his touch a comforting anchor amidst the storm raging within you.

"hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. "i'm here for you baby. we'll figure this out together, i promise."

you shifted your head to look up at him, desperately trying to read his facial expression.

was he sad? did he regret it?

instead, you saw a smile beginning to form on his face.

"im going to be a dad" he stated

"i love you so much baby, im so lucky that you will be the mother of my kids- if you choose to keep the baby i mean, its all up to you my love"

he looked down at you with a wide smile plastered on his face

"plus you'll look hot as fuck in maternity clothes"

you giggle and lean into him, catching his lips in yours.

feeling the steady beat of his heart against your chest, you leaned into his embrace, your fears momentarily forgotten in the safety of his arms.

as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over the beach, john b pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin with a tenderness that spoke volumes. amidst the uncertainty of your future, you found comfort in the unspoken promise of a love strong enough to weather any storm.

[ann-writes-universes]

Momento Mori (AzrielxReader)

A/N: Weather has me down, Here’s some Az angst :,)

Warnings: Angst.

W/C: 1.8k

He had been so distant since the end of the war. Different since life had slowed down a bit and there wasn't the ever present feeling of impending doom. At first, you had given him space - he had asked for it after all - chalked it up to shell shock, a deep rooted fear that it wasn't really over. Being alone had been hard, waiting for your mate to finally crawl into your ever cold bed and just hold you like he had for the past ten years. 

You waited on that night where he would come to you for comfort, and not Elain or Gwyn or a glass of whiskey that never really seemed to empty. The night where he would crawl into your shared bed and find solace in your arms, in your presence, even if just for a moment. 

That night didnt come, and after six months you began to feel as though it would never come. 

“Does- does Rhys talk to you about things?” You had asked Feyre one day in the kitchen. You were drying the dishes as she washed them. A task that magic could have easily finished but one the two of you had found some semblance of normalcy in since the war. She had stopped scrubbing the plate she held and turned her gaze to you with a cocked brow. 

“Well yes we talk about things (Y/N), but what do you mean?”

“I mean awful, terrible things.” 

“Has- has Azriel said something to you?” She questioned, turning the water up to ward off any unwanted listeners lurking about the house. You frantically shook your head ‘no’ and kept drying the same bowl you had been for the past five minutes. 

“Not in that way I just…he won’t tell me what's going on in his head. He hasn't since.”

“Since Hybern?”

“Yeah. Yeah, since Hybern.” You muttered, finally setting the bowl down. Feyre sighed and dried her own hands before grasping your forearms. Turning your body to face her she searched your features with a soft smile.

“The war was tough on us all. He watched you nearly die, I am sure it's not on purpose.” 

“Feyre. He shut off the bond. I can't feel him.” You whispered, beginning to feel misty eyed and soft. She frowned and pulled you into her body, letting your tears soak her shoulder and hair. You were mumbling nonsense into her shoulder, anger, hurt, and confusion echoed from the senseless words and she just nodded in understanding. 

“Whats going on?” His voice cut like a knife through the kitchen, slicing through the sound of your sobs and the water that was still running. Feyre stilled as she made eye contact with him, not allowing your head to leave her shoulder. You hadn't even felt that familiar tug on the bond that signified he had even come home. That fact alone had your gut wrenching and your heart dropping further into your chest. 

“Nothing.” You mumbled, gently pushing Feyre away so you could turn to face the stone cold face of your mate. He took in the tear stained cheeks, the red rim of your eyes, and he cocked his head. There was nothing there, no warmth, no concern, just an empty plane. 

Granted, Azriel was a hard male to read. But never for you. No- never once had he been hard to read for you. 

Glancing between the two of you Feyre waited until you nodded to make her quiet exit, turning the sink off as she left. Azriel leaned against the wall, watching you as you put dishes away, your back turned away from him. 

“Nice to see you home.” You muttered, closing a cabernet. He huffed and shifted in his place, running a hand through his hair. 

“What is that supposed to even mean?” You turned to face him, leaning backwards on your arms against the counter. “Exactly what I said. Nothing else.” 

His mouth formed a hard line and he nodded curtly. Turning towards the door he made to leave.

“Thats all I get?” You urged, possibly louder than you had intended. He froze in the doorway, a hand resting on its frame. His shoulders squared and he turned his head to look at you. “Seven words is all I get? I havent seen you in weeks Azriel.” You whispered, searching his eyes for any semblance of a reaction to your words.

And yet there was nothing. 

No hurt, no pain, no remorse- nothing. 

“I have been busy (y/n).” 

“No shit.” You scoffed, crossing your arms across your chest. He turned to face you fully then, his brows set in a crease so deep you were sure it was giving him a headache. 

“What do you want from me? I still have to work. I still have to go out and do my job. Not all of us get to stay home all day and play housewife with the High Lady.” He spit, and his words were laced with so much venom that you flinched. You couldn't even form a rebuttal; you were so astounded by his tone. 

You two had had spats over the years but never had he raised his voice at you, never had he tried to hurt you with his words. What did you want from him? 

What did you want from him?

Him.

You wanted him back. 

“I want to know why it feels like I am sitting by your grave BEGGING for the gods to give you back - and yet… And yet here you are in front of me Azriel.” Your voice was a harsh whisper, those damned tears itching to spill again. It shook and wavered, not at all as strong as you intended for it to be.

“I dont know.” Was all he offered in reply. His arms were crossed and his shoulders were squared, wings pulled in tight. 

“You dont know?”

“No. I dont.”

You nodded, a sharp frown overtaking your features. You pushed off of the counter, and moved towards the door. Your approach had him skidding backwards, a reaction that made you visibly take a step back. 

Sucking in a breath you glanced at him wide eyed. Azriel looked away, a muscle in his jaw ticking. 

“Well when you figure it out, feel free to find me I guess.” 

And with a final glance at the love of your life you pushed past him and left the kitchen.  

⥈

He had never wanted to hurt you. Had never wanted to see you that visibly upset with him. The utter defeat in the words you spoke as you left him there carved out a hole in his demeanor. Knocked him right off the rung he had been perched on so precariously for the past six months. 

The shadowsinger had been walking a fine line of losing his mind and keeping it together and that little discussion had pushed him utterly over the edge. 

He had tried stroking the bond hours after you left, only to find a cold and empty plane on the other side. A feeling he now knew you had been getting used to for the last half of the year.  

Perched on the roof of the house of wind he watched as the sun sank below the mountain range and the stars you so dearly loved began to paint the sky. 

For the first time in twenty years of knowing you he wondered what you were doing. 

Wondered because he was not privy to the information for the first time in two decades. This knowledge left him feeling cold somehow, emptier than he had ever been. 

It was a Sunday and usually on Sunday nights you were curled up in front of the hearth with a book in hand, smiling gently at him as he urged you to pay attention to him for ‘just two seconds please’. You would always let him have his way, would set the book down and play with his hair or read whatever tale it was aloud to him. 

Sundays had always been his favorites. 

And yet he hadn't spent a sunday at home with you in damn near 183 days. The war with Hybern had left him torn between two lives. The utterly broken and destroyed part of him that existed long before you had, when he was just a kid fighting a battle they were never really supposed to win. And the other half of him was a man who had fought tirelessly to protect the people he loved. This war had left him changed, cold. His nights were fitful and restless, often ending in nightmares and dreams so foul that he would watch the sun rise and set a few times before he thought of sleeping again. 

He hadn't wanted you to see that. 

Azriel had wanted to be strong for you when the war ended. Had wanted to be able to be your pillar of comfort and solace on the nights when you couldn't sleep, and yet he couldn't even console himself. 

He had failed you by doing what he thought was best for you. Had shut you out in an attempt to keep you blind to the horrors he had been facing, when all you wanted was for him to let you in. 

He tugged on the bond again.

No reply. Not even a whisper of a reply. 

The shadow singer laid down on the hard clay and stared at the sky. Wondering what you were doing on a Sunday night, utterly alone as he had made you. 

⥈

Pacing. 

Back and forth, back and forth. 

Pacing.

Thats what you were doing on a Sunday night, utterly alone as he had made you. 

You had felt the bond grow taut, not once, but twice and had not deigned a reply. You were angry, confused at best. Groveling had never been a habit of yours, and the spymaster knew as much. 

This was his mess to fix, his wrong to right because you had tried. You had been trying for months. Tried to seduce, to speak, to hold, to console. And nothing had been returned. Not a hint of emotion nor reaction other than an impassive gaze here or there. 

Glancing at the clock you sighed, two AM. The river house had gone to sleep several hours before, and not a peep was heard throughout her halls. One glance and the warm blaze of the fireplace was extinguished and you were padding upstairs to your room. 

You crawled into the familiar chill of your sheets and rolled to face the open window. Distantly the lights in the house of wind glowed with ever bright liveliness. You watched them until your eyes grew too heavy to stay open. 

And you waited.

Waited for the bed to dip and him to wrap his arms around you and beg you to listen to him for just two seconds.

But the dip never came, and no arms circled around you as you drifted into sleep. 

There was nothing but the twinkling of lights and the gentle sounds of the sidra humming you a lullaby. The only comfort you had known in 133 days. 

Nothing but twinkling lights and a gentle hum.

TAGS:

@brekkershadowsinger @piceous21 @younxii @momlo @morelovemorepeacemoretattoo-blog @highladyofillyria @crimsonandwhiteprincess @purplevitagen @isthataknuck

[alsktudy]

— empty promises

» ex!jeonghan x reader

» angst 🌩️

» warning: breakup (though not explicitly mentioned)

» w.c: 0.5k

» a/n: mmm idk how i feel abt this LOL anyways FIRST ANGST!!!!!!!!! a little bit of personal experience added to this one - i still havent received that video of that song yet.

yoon jeonghan was never good at promises.

in the 11th grade, he asked to borrow an eraser and promised that he’d give it back.

he didn’t.

but you were just petty since it was an expensive eraser, it was only an eraser.

—

“jeonghan?”

he gives you slight hum in response.

“did you forget about that thing i invited you to on friday night?”

“what thing?” he says, kicking the white sand underneath you two while sitting on the swings at your local park.

“it was a little event thingy, you said you would come. you promised.”

“oh, did i?”

“you could’ve just told me that you didn’t want to go… i would’ve been fine with it you know.” you say with a chuckle.

“but i did want to go.”

“then why didn’t you come?”

“i had something else… don’t worry, i’ll make it up to you, i promise. how ‘bout a song? i’ll record a song for you.”

“you promise?”

“i promise.”

yoon jeonghan couldn’t keep that promise.

—

“hannie, what happened to that song you promised to send me?” you said light-heartedly while walking down the city street, arms interlocked with jeonghan’s.

“oh that? i honestly thought you would’ve forgotten by now.” he says with a chuckle, making your eyebrows furrow.

“oh, well… did you at least record it already?”

“well… no. i didn’t think you took it seriously.”

“but you asked for the specifics and everything... you asked me if i wanted a video or a recording, a sad song or happy song. you literally told me last week you were finishing editing it.” you say as unhook your arm from his. “jeonghan… you promised.”

he shakes his head, still chuckling, “it’s honestly not that deep. i’ll make it up to you. i promise.” he leans down and presses a kiss on your head.

he didn’t make it up to you.

yoon jeonghan couldn’t keep that promise.

—

“would you love me even if i was a frog?”

he laughs in response, “why would you turn into a frog though?”

“now... that doesn’t matter. what matters is that if you would still love me even then.”

“i would.”

“how bout… a worm!?”

“babe, where’s this even going?” he chuckles and turns his body towards yours as you lay on your back, staring at the blue sky.

“mm, just curious. now answer.”

“yes babe, i’d love you even if you suddenly turned into a worm overnight. i’d carry you to your classes and feed you and wash you… wait, do worms even need to be washed-”

“hannie, will you love me forever?”

jeonghan quickly sits up and looks at you with eyes filled with worry, “babe, seriously are you ok?” you give him a nod in response and your eyes meet his. “of course i'll love you forever, i promise.”

yoon jeonghan couldn’t keep that promise either.

thank you for reading until the end!!

» want to read more? » m.list

» want to be tagged? » taglist

tags:

@aaniag @dkswife @kokoiinuts

[j4y-lvr]

ADOR U!… nishimura riki ㅤ▷ hype boy ㅤ “listen, he's not that bad,”

SYNOPSIS. a silly dare led niki to attempt to be your silly boy

GENRE. fluff, crack, some angst

PAIRING. danceteamleader!niki x teammember!fem!reader ft. enhypen, newjeans

WARNINGS. unhinged and maybe its cringe since i explained the moves to the placement of their feet, im sorry-😭, jungwon says niki got no rizz, lowercase intended, tba

WORD COUNT. 1.2k

NOTE. idk where the idea came from but yeah nwjns yk. this is my wack attempt at slowburn (not really) and specifically targeted at my bsf😘🤞 the next part might be longer..? idk i havent started yet-

Reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated!

prev.:ㅤ.master.ㅤnext:.

now playing:ㅤhype boyㅤ ılllı ㅤㅤ ㅤ newjeans 0:00 ─●──────── -0:00 ㅤ⇆ㅤ◁◁ ▐ ▌ ▷▷ㅤ ↻

ㅤㅤㅤ ☰ queue

You piped down after the unexpected question minutes ago, and worst of it all was the fact you were devoid of a reply. Thoughts swarmed and you stood frozen in front of him and the dispersing crowd, some watching intently with interest while others were least bothered.

Minji dragged you away, saving you the embarrassment. But you hadn’t answered niki, nor did you know what to say. Rejection would be a shame, and maybe a yearning was lit inside of you or were you mistaking it to experience something new? If that were the case, you’d hate to lead him on.

Your amiss of presence noted, haerin called you over, breaking your abrupt daze, asking for clarity on a specific hand movement. You helped her with an explanation, along with hands demonstrating to the best of knowledge.

“wow, you’re good at this,” haerin uttered, copying your hand figures. Your hands fiddled with hers, placing both adjacent like the hands of a clock. Your lack of reply from disbelief rings a few bells and she goes on to reassure, “no, really, i mean it,”

You shake your head, gaze meeting the wooden boards on the floor, “i lack the confidence, though,” “i’m sure you’ll break through it, and thanks for the help.”

You nod with a smile, catching minji slipping on her shoes, tightening the knot on the bunny loop of her sneaker. “minji, ‘you leaving?” “yeah, and you’re coming with me,”

“shocker,” you say sarcastically, tilting your head to the side, striding to her and lending her your palm to get to her soles. You sigh, taking an interest in the way the leaves fell to the ground with the onset of autumn, withering to their overdue dismissal.

“well, share your thoughts,” “is this a routine thing now? almost every other day i’m here complaining over minor inconveniences in my closed life and yet i still approach such complications,” you drawl, absent of glee in your front, the autumn breeze setting in. 

“one correction, it's literally every day that you go on and on about ANY minor inconveniences in your life. it’s been like this since a few weeks,”

“i wonder why,” you say cheekily, rolling your eyes.

“do you want to listen or not,” you irk, stomping lightly. Minji laughs at your outburst, coos at your pout and nods. “it’s about earlier today,” you pause, clicking your tongue as minji stares you down with a ‘iknowallaboutthis’ look.

“uh, a minor inconvenience named nishimura riki,” you complete in a huff, with minji adorning a facade of shock while she shook her head both sides, “i had no idea!” You smack her on the shoulder, widening your eyes in disbelief, a comfortable blanket of silence washing you two away for a brief moment.

“ouch, i’m only a minor inconvenience in your life? I could do much better, seriously,”

There he was, the sore thumb between the two teenage girls, towering over. You jolted to minji, crashing into her as a snicker escaped her lips and echoed whilst she got farther, sprinting away from you and niki.

“hope this isn’t too inconvenient for you!” she exclaims, waving from the stairs and vanishing in its depth. You still, craning your head to niki, slanting it to the side a little. “you planning on being a major inconvenience?”

“yeah, and much more,” he replies, winking, followed byp a wide smile that suited him, resembling that smiling duck meme, the cute one.

You tch, stepping forward, waiting for him to trail behind but to no movement from the boy. You whip back to him, facing him from a mere distance, “want an answer or not,” you query unenthusiastically, causing niki to jog up to you grinning from ear to ear.

Turns out, niki, the silly boy you were asked out by was a fun guy. And that made it all the much harder for your decision. So often that it got minji raising brows at you across the mirrored room, shooting daggers with her eyes to you as niki munched on strawberries that weren’t microwaved.

You waved off microwaved strawberries far from him, accustoming him to normal room temperature ones. It was rather weird of him but revealed he was particular with his choices. You excuse yourself and trudge your way to minji, taking a seat beside her while niki keeps at his (non-microwaved) strawberries and phone in hand.

“seems like someones been having fun without me,”

You shake your head at her, “it’s not like that,” you mumble, looking up at minji with an expectant expression. 

“really? then what’s your answer; what’s going on in your head,” “listen, he’s not that bad,”

“then do you want to go out with him?”

You pick at your lip, nibbling it down, unsure of what you wanted to do yourself. Minji hums, waiting for your answer, “you don't know, do you,”

Silence overtakes your conversation as you hesitate to answer. “i just wish you’d keep me in your circle of thoughts, let me know what you're thinking, and if I could help. i don’t want to chase after you, yn” she pauses, a palm swiping her face.

“either way, i respect your decision, don’t let anyone else influence your opinion,” minji concludes, sighing of disappointment and resorts to leave in a fit of pent up frustration.

You attempt to halt her to hear you out, but the truth is you have no idea what to say to her. You’ve been keeping to yourself while she was trying to understand you and help you out.

From the end of the room, hype boy plays and niki jumps to his feet, utterly surprised. He fumbles his way to you in a sprint, collapsing to the wood tiles, his phone screen flashing before your eyes.

"look at the number of likes and views, everyone's commenting that they hope we get in,"

You marvel at the count, turning to niki, "aren't the results out?" He redirects to a link, the hyperlink in bold marked RESULTS apparent. Wasting no time, he opened the page and scrolled. And there it was, your name along with niki's.

You copy his surprise upon comprehending the display, a heavy gasp, guilt-ridden, parts from your mouth. “we got in… what about the others?” you quiz, staring at the screen. “yeah, we got in, isn't that a good thing?” niki responds, dropping his hand to his crossed legs, gazing at your conflicted orbs.

“it reads that me and you got in. nothing about the others is mentioned here.”

“niki, i auditioned with minji’s team, not us as a duo.”

You bury your head in your hands, pushing the strands of hair out of your face with a pained front. Minji returns to the door, out of breath, “hyein checked the results, we didn’t make it,” she announces, face darkened and down.

You whip your head side to side, opposing both answers in your thoughts. Niki furrows his brows, his expression fallen. Minji gapes at you and niki both, her steps closing you in, and hands to niki’s phone. “minji,” you drawl, lost.

“congrats.” she mutters, monotonously, tone flat and eyes devoid of any colour. Hanni enters the room, her arm linking around minji’s and drags her away, leaving you in a contemplating mess where you would shove the blame to yourself.

[rebelpeas]

get to know you game!

tagged by @zannolin thanks zanna haiii :]

-> last song you listened to? washing machine heart…. mitski….. it was my I Will Survive This Shift loop choice yesterday. other than that i’ve been listening to the stardew valley soundtrack a whole bunch lately! distant banjo my beloved

-> currently reading? ‘cosmic horror? i hardly know ‘er!’ which is a karlnapity horror fic inspired by one of my old dsmp oneshots :] it’s very fun im enjoying. as far as books uhhh ive been working on finishing six of crows for SOO long but im making painstaking progress nonetheless 💪

-> currently watching? between shows, currently; finished legend of korra and haven’t settled on a new one yet. maybe rewatching the good place to show my housemates! i am about to go catch up on the last two weeks of hermitcraft that i missed, though. the sunday routine 🙏

-> currently obsessed with… this minecraft village renovation i’m working on in my siblings’ minecraft server. it’s a cute riverside plains village and i’m turning it into the tangled village :D havent gotten any screenies yet but here’s the inspo moodboard i put together

low stakes tagging @spaceacealyx @metfell and @lepidopteragirl + anybody who wants to jump in and say they were tagged by me - consider yourself tagged! :]

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

[rk-ceres]

Neglected PT.2

George Weasley x reader

George makes an effort to fix things between you two

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It was now late in the day you havent moved Ron and George busied themselves making reservations setting up the bedroom and planning he glanced up to the clock and sighed out 2pm. “thanks for your help today Ron” George sighed out obviously still having an off day “anything for you George. Wish Y/n a happy birthday for me” he gave George a smile hurt hit him square in the gut he quickly shooed Ron out of the house finishing the rest of the house and made dinner, once the clock hit 5:30 he washed the rest of the dishes and rushed back to the guest room where you havent left all day he softly knocked on the door “Love?” He called out opening the Guest bedroom seeing you still in tears “ive got a surprise for you” he whispered “can we talk baby? Can we try and fix this? I was wrong” he sighed out walking into the room “im so sorry” he whispered “i dont want to talk to you. Im hurt, and I am so angry at you…but mostly hurt and I dont know how we can fix this you really hurt me last night and i need time” you said turning to the wall “I know Y/n, you don’t need to talk to me yet. just listen” he sighed out “i dont have an excuse. Im so sorry i forgot, but it stops today.” He walks around the bed to where you was laying crouching to meet your eyes “Everything it stops ive made arrangements and youve got me. We’ll work on us. Ive given us a week. things just got away from me. I want to make this right, and i want you to know that i took off the rest of the week and part of next, tomorrow at seven in the morning i drop you off at madame cordelia’s spa, youve got an all day session shes going to do your hair and make up im getting your nails and toes done, seaweed wrap and mud bath. Massages and steam rooms. your outfit is in the closet for the evening, we’ve got reservations at six for the new restaurant on fifth, the one youve been talking non stop about after that we’re going to see the new Keanu Reeves movie first showing. Thursday is going to be us going to the arcade, icecream shop in muggle london and a fairy boat ride, Friday is me taking you to the carnival. We’ll ride the ferris wheel and we’ll play all the games i’ll let you beat me in bumpercars too, Saturday we’ll be in Paris, i booked us a hotel there til Tuesday morning. We’ll explore France and it’ll be just me and you, ive got everything planned i packed your suitcase with everything youll need for our week baby. if i didnt muck this up too badly. Please come back to our room. Im really, really sorry Y/n/n. I know that ive been neglecting you and your needs and youve been taking care of me making my lunches waking me up with kisses keeping our house clean bringing me dinners and loving me when i havent been treating you the best.” “You havent” you cried harder “it feels like youve checked out and didnt want to tell me youre breaking up with me. You forgot my birthday. I know youre busy and I love that youre living your dream and that you take care of the both of us but im important too one night was all I wanted and you yelled at me. Seven months of me supporting you every way I know how to support you and I get yelled at” “I know love and im so sorry i didnt mean to forget” he whispered cupping your cheek

k “im not asking this to hurt you im not trying to start a fight but you got defensive and i need to know. I’m are you seeing somebody else?” Your voice broke his eye’s dropped “no. Love. Its just been work. Theres no one else for me. Its just you.” He cupped your face in his hands “trust me. Its just you baby” he cooed softer “today? All i wanted? Was you to notice me. I just wanted you to spend time with me just flirting and harmless fun. i wanted you to touch me. Its been seven months since we’ve had sex since youve touched me. am i not enough anymore? am i not pretty enough? did i let myself go after hogwarts? Am i not what you want or is it just you being busy because i cant do this anymore i cant keep feeling like im being replaced” you cried more “i can live with” you hiccuped “i can live with being a part time lover but its killing me George” you cried “you not being here? Its killing me” tears made its way down his face while letting your words sink in “im sorry, youre not a part time lover. I want you Y/n/n just you. Youre it for me” he wiped your tears away tears in his own “its just work i swear. ‘Ve hired an accountant and another person to run the shop while we have our week. Then i have to go back and train. But i’ll be home with you. Every day at five.” He pointed to the ground “every day at five i’ll be home and in your arms telling you how much i love and need you, I’ll have weekends off.. and Saturday will be our day. I promise you” he looked into your eyes filled with hope as he brushed the tears from your face “am i still the one? Are you still going to marry me one day?” You asked softly insecurity written all over your face George’s eyes softened as you leaned more into George’s touch he smiled at you “yes baby.. youre still my only one. im sorry for yelling at you. Im sorry for not making the time before it was too late, im sorry for being an idiot, im sorry for making you feel like you arent enough… is it okay for me to show you how i feel? Let me make it up to you?” He asked looking into your eyes “are you finally going to make love to me?” You asked tears still streaming down your face again “not in here. But yes. We can have sex tonight. Just not in our guest bedroom love. If we’re having sex. Its going to be in our shared bedroom” He said straightening out his back as you sat up “im sorry i yelled at you. I shouldnt have yelled back” you looked back “we can talk about that after” he said handing you a small package Ron picked up for him on his way here to set up “put this on love” he smiled softly as you sat up “give me ten minutes.. then come to the dining room.” He said still looking at you you nodded to him biting your lip you opened the package and gasped he had bought you the dress that you pointed out at already Boux’s it was a 1300 galleon dress that you dreamed of wearing it was a 1920’s style red dress with a slit that came up to mid thigh you smiled and put it on he had bought the matching make up palette and accessories for you

you slipped on the gloves and finished the red lipstick walking out into the dining room, he had transfigured a wall into a big movie screen smiling when he saw you “you look exquisite love” “not so bad yourself handsome” you ran your hands over his black suit “thank you..” You say softly “this isnt a fraction of what I have planned. I spent all night last night working on it, Happy Birthday my love… youre the best thing thats ever happened to me and im sorry that i dont show it enough. If you left i wouldnt know what to do or how to breathe without you” he smiled “i heard you.. talking to Hermione… I was outside the door. I came back to check on you, and i did talk to your brother. We went out and got coffee at that new Cafe. It didnt make things worse. Ive worked things out with Harry, and he was really kind, and threatening. But its all worked out and better. He actually helped with the reservations and called in a few favors for our Paris vacation. Gabby’s picking us up from the airport and to our hotel.” “He didnt seek you out did he?” You asked softly “no baby. I called him.” George said looking into your eyes “im so sorry baby, id notice… i noticed your face when i yelled at you.” He sighed out “thatll never happen again. Ever. I didnt like it. I didnt like any part of it it made me feel like shit, youre not my annoying clingy girlfriend Y/n/n. Youre my everything darling i love you even if ive done a crappy job at showing you. Please dont leave me… please i can change ive already changed some things i really do want to fix us, im serious about you and i want you too feel that i am too and i do want to spend time with you on your birthday. I made your favorite” he pulled out her chair and played the movie “im not leaving. Im sorry” you looked down “i thought that i was alone and needed to get it out” tears started to come your eyes “No baby this is my fault and my fault alone you dont apologize” he cupped her cheek “thank you… for making dinner” you said softly “its the least i can do, baby. Id like to talk more about what was said during our fight. But i want to be clear that im not mad at you, im not mad that we fought, my anger and outburst wasnt because of you, it was because i had a really tough day, and i took it out on you. It was wrong and i shouldnt have done that. Is that okay if we talk about this? Theres three major things i want to revisit if possible” He asked looking into your eyes as he dished out the food you gave him a slight nod “i.. i dont know where to start to be honest with you. So im just going to dive in with what you accused me of. It was definitely warranted and i dont blame you for thinking it. I didnt realize how little ive been home, and how it could look like ive been entertaining another woman” he cleared his throat “id never, ever, ever. Do that to you baby. Theres no one else other than you Y/n. Youre the only one i’ll ever want and need” “im sorry that i jumped to conclusions i…. I was insecure” you said softly his mouth pulled into a straight line

“no baby. Dont do that. Dont apologize. Your feelings were and are valid. I wasnt home. You didnt know where i was. I havent reassured you or anything like that, you accusing me like that you werent yelling. Your voice wasnt angry when you asked about it and i wasnt hearing you. You communicated right. You calmed yourself down calmly asked me a question and i got defensive and i could see where you’d think i was hiding something baby. Im not hiding anything from you. You told me what was an honest fear. It wasnt you being insecure i hadnt been home. Which brings me to my next point on this topic youre right. Ive not touched you… or said i loved you since the baby got here and it wasnt because i was punishing you. It was because i… i thought that i could handle this myself. Both branches of triple W and keeping up with the paperwork. The products. But as things progressed it…. It got out of hand if it were you i wouldve done worse than just asking a simple question you were communicating how you felt and your fears and i wasn’t listen ing how i should have been. I was fighting when i should have been comforting and open to talking about it” he sighed taking a bite of food “i believe you. I believe that you werent you last night and you arent seeing anyone else.” You said softly “i just want you to make a point to love me the right way i know things have been tough on you and im trying but” “but you’re neglected and im an arse” he joked you both smiled at each other. “next most important thing i want to discuss is i want to address what i said about money. its not just my money. My success. My empire baby its ours. I shouldnt have thrown that in your face that i make more. It was below the belt and im sorry.” He sighed “ive only ever wanted to share my life with you. Since that day my mum helped you and Harry into that platform i knew that you’d be my entire life. And everything that was and is mine would be yours too” he looked up into your eyes “ive only ever saw the money as ours George. All of this is ours.” You smiled at him taking his hand in yours he chuckled “i know you didnt mean it. Because i know you George Weasley.” “howd i get so lucky?” He asked “I also do. I remember, and see it all. Everything that you gave up for our relationship and us but most of all what you gave up for me..” He spoke again after a few moments of silence “everything that you’ve sacrificed for me since the war, the… the wall that almost took you and Fred…” tears sprung to his eyes as he talked he quickly wiped them away “im sorry. That you had to sacrifice it.” He said you looked up from your food “you sacrificed a lot for me too, you rescued me and Harry second year, you fell out of the car breaking my fall when Vernon pulled me out you bruised three ribs and a broken arm for me…. You stayed up all night studying with me you do just as much for me as i do for you dont apologize for that, you dont have to apologize anymore George; i forgive you, and we can work on us. I dont want to leave” you said softly “third most important thing i want to tell you is that im still the George that promised you a wedding and kids if you want them Y/n/n. I want to marry you, i want you to know that i do have something planned so its coming okay? You dont have to worry about where you stand with me. In my heart. Cause of one fight. Im here. Your George is still here. Even if he was being a prat. Ive planned your proposal and its coming okay baby? Its coming.” George finished his meal “anything else you want to talk about before we kiss and make up?” He asked “i…. I want to say that im sorry even if you dont want me too. I was wrong for yelling. I didnt like it. And I think that when we get to that point again we should take a break and come back to talk when we can rationalize better” you looked down “i think thats a great idea, we okay now?” He asked you softly “we’re okay” you breathed out “i want to have sex… is that still on the table tonight or are we waiting til we work this out more?” You asked softly

“baby. We’ve worked it all out. We talked through everything. Its better now isnt it?” He asked with brows furrowed in confusion you nodded your head “yes. We can have sex tonight. Im ready for that if you are” he offered a small smile the movie was done he stood up flicked his wand the dishes clean themselves pulling her waist closer to him he led you into the bedroom he stopped in front of the door letting you open it “go get in the tub” he whispered in your ear his fingers dragging down your zipper you turned the handle and pushed open the door your eyes widened the entire bedroom was covered in red roses teddy bears rose petals the room was lit by enchanted candles hanging from every corner of the room George brought his nose to the crook of your neck “the bath is ready for us” he said pushing the dress off your shoulders dropping it to the ground his fingers digging into your hips spinning you to face him noses close together and for the first time tonight. George kissed you sweetly bringing his hands up to unclip your bra your hands slowly undid his tie and worked on the buttons of his shirt and trousers you took your own knickers off “lets go take our bath” he whispered into your lips “please master i need you” you whispered

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Next part contains smut

[strangermask]

Huys i got a new place two weeks ago and ive been strugglinv and stressing abitu unpacking and i havent motivation to clean cuz ive been so stress but today my grandparents and ma came over to drop off a dryer while i was working and they helped me unpack a bit and wash my dishs guys i fuckin love my family