#haven't we suffered enough this weekend

[livetogether--diealone]

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[reiderwriter]

Here Isn't Where I Wanna Be

Chapter Four of I Can't Help Myself

Summary: With Spencer gone, you find yourself spiralling into anger again until a new friend - and a silver lining to your entire situation - appears.

Warnings: Unplanned pregnancy, mentions of the smut in the last chapter in detail, no explicit smut.

A/N: And so we get to it - the plot!! If you're enjoying the series, let me know in the replies or in my inbox, and feedback is greatly appreciated~♡

Masterlist || Add yourself to the taglist

With Mondays back to normal, you were surprised to find yourself still under the weather the day after Spencer had left you. 

Walking into your office, your body anticipated the fight, muscles tensing, heart beating, blood pumping as you opened the door to your office. Logically, you knew he wouldn't be there. He'd practically shouted it at you the Saturday before. But seeing the vacant desk left you angry once again. 

Tense for a fight, you couldn't stop pacing back and forth in your office as the hours ticked on. A small part of you had hoped that the activities you'd indulged in during the weekend - and indulged was the word for whatever it was you'd done - had simply been your over active imagination once again. 

But even though Spencer has cleaned you up to the best of his ability, had left you in your bed in fresh clothes and tucked under the covers, he couldn't erase the traces of himself on your skin or in your apartment. 

The files you'd both thrown around on the tables were still strewn haphazardly around, the tangle of last night's clothes still discarded suggestively in a line to your couch. He'd washed you up, sure enough, and you'd found a towel and wash cloth in your laundry basket the next morning, but he'd not done a thorough job and you found yourself washing all traces of your activities away from your inner thighs still. 

So, yes. You paced in your office, and you waged a silent war against the empty desk. 

The first week, you were sure they'd come to collect it, to move it elsewhere. 

After all, his time with you - with the university - was done. 

After two weeks, you started spreading yourself out across both desks, twisting them around into an inverted L space so you could roll your chair between the two of them. You stacked books on the stupid reminder of him, you used it as a dining table on late nights and short lunch breaks, you kicked your feet up on it as you read and acted as though it were yours and had never been anyone else's. 

And then you got angry enough that you unblocked Spencer Reid's number. 

You were raging and suffering this torment alone, and why should you be? You'd made a mistake with the case files, sure, but you'd been driven to it by his cockiness, his actions. You deserved the chance to make his life hell one last time as well. 

You took yourself home that night, wrapped yourself in a blanket and pulled your laptop in front of you, and unblocked his number. 

Immediately, you put the phone down and opened your emails. 

You'd take responsibility for the messages, sure, but you had not blocked his email. Searching through the files, you looked through your department database for his work email, searched your inbox for his messages, and came up blank. 

It took you two hours of traipsing through each email - admittedly, you'd probably signed up to one to many mailing list - just to be sure. You finally turned to your spam folder, and there it was. 

“Son of a bitch,” you muttered under your breath as you looked through ten emails. Ten emails from his FBI email account. No wonder they hadn't gotten throug, it was an unauthorised email on a company server. 

You only grew angrier as you read through the messages. 

“Y/N, I have reason to believe you have a file I need as soon as possible. Please message me back as soon as you get this. Spencer.”

“Y/N. I haven't received word from you in 24 hours. If there's something wrong, please reach out. If you're being stubborn, I hope you see reason. Spencer.”

“Y/N. I have your address. If you don't reply in the next four hours, I will be paying you a visit to collect the file myself. You have blocked my number and resisted adult conversation, and I am tired of playing these games. Spencer.”

Sick of playing games? 

From the man that had been playing jenga and scrabble with your bookshelves, that was absolutely rich. You may have worked out that nights frustrations with him easily, but you found yourself angry all over again.

You hadn't even checked your phone yet either, sure that he'd blown that up too until he figured out his number was blocked. 

He'd found your address. He'd practically stalked you to get what he wanted, and then he'd just washed his hands of you the night after? 

It had been a month, and you were still frustrated. 

Your stomach flipped, bike rising in your throat as your anger burned through you.

If he could find you, you sure as hell could find him. You'd assumed he'd found your address through work, and realised it was just as easy to find his as well.  

Before you could stop yourself, you were loading yourself into a car at 8 pm. and driving across the city to Spencer Reid's apartment. 

The red blurring your vision didn't fade until you sounded against his door and were greeted with an entirely too feminine “I'm coming!” 

The woman who opened the door was blonde and cute and sweet, and she had a wonderful smile. You were going to rip Spencer Reid's throat from his chest. 

“I-I’m sorry, I was told this is Spencer Reid's apartment,” you said, trying your best to disappear into the night.

“Oh, yes. Can I help you?” 

“No. No, I'm sorry, I- I don't need help.” 

You must've looked uneasy in that second because before you knew it, the woman was inviting you inside for a hot drink, taking your few seconds of hesitancy to push down your guards completely. 

“Spencer doesn't keep much here in terms of food, but I know there has to be some…aha! Coffee!” 

“No, thank you, really I'm alright, I should leave-” 

In another two minutes, she'd talked you into sitting down and had put a mug in your hands. In a miracle turn of events, you'd actually relaxed enough to take in your surroundings. 

It was like you'd stepped back into your work office. Spencer's apartment, or at least the main living space, was filled with books. There were stacks everywhere, the shelves alphabetised - obviously - and looking neatly chaotic. 

You wanted to examine everything, every picture, every trinket on the shelf, every weakness he had that you could exploit. You wanted to know him. 

“S-So,” you started, turning back to the woman who'd sat herself down in a chair opposite you, staring at you excitedly. “How long have you and Spencer been dating?” 

The woman spluttered her coffee before sending up a howl of laughter that had your cheeks heating. 

Okay. Misunderstanding. You were less pissed at Spencer, but only a fraction.

“Oh, god, the idea of me and the good doctor is incredibly ridiculous. No, it feels incestuous, actually. Really, like shivers down my spine type stuff.”

“So you're his sister?” You asked, even though you knew the answer. Spencer was an only child. You had spent three months with him, you knew at least that much about him. 

“I'm Penelope, I work with Spencer. He's on a case right now, and I came to find him a book.” 

“A book?” You asked again, taking another sip of your drink. Mistake aside, you felt comfortable sitting with her. The couch was comfy, the entire apartment was damn cosy, and it smelt….

Your spine straightened when you realised it smelt like he did, when you realised that thought was somehow a comfort to you. Your stomach had settled for the first time in a week, and the nausea leaving your body after four weeks of anger had made you sick. 

“Yeah, we've been working back to back cases, so he didn't have time to come back and pick up materials, so here I am as his little fairy godfriend to send him a care package.” 

You laughed gently and pulled your feet underneath you on the couch, curling up again. 

“He doesn't deserve you.” 

“What makes you say that?” Her face was open. Her tone was light  but you felt that you'd just walked into a trap. Even though Penelope had described her role on the team to you (not a profiler, not a big risk), you couldn't help but feel as though you were walking into a trap. 

“Well, he's… he's… You know the man better than I do, right? He's infuriating.”

She raised an eyebrow and gave you a smile but didn't say a word. 

“He's domineering. He thinks his way is the best way, he- he- he rearranged my bookshelves!” 

And my guts, you thought to yourself, holding your tongue just quick enough to not let that slip out. You still weren't sure where you stood on the sex. It was good. It was great. It was more than great, and yet you'd hated him until the very second he put his lips on yours, and you hated him again when you'd woken the next morning. Surely that meant that you'd still hated him while fucking him, that you'd just been temporarily blinded by lust? 

“Your bookshelves?” 

“At the university. Sorry, I- I didn't introduce myself, did I?” You told her your name, how you'd met Spencer and regaled her with tales of your office antics. 

“Penelope you, you should've seen the look on his face. It was priceless! Like a deer in headlights, his eyes were so wide, it was adorable,” you said, recounting the run-in with the student. 

“And then, infuriating man, he said he'd spent all day looking at me, but like, with the books-” 

You realised after five minutes of talking that Penelope had gone completely quiet, just grinning. Uncharacteristically quiet. You'd known her less than an hour, and you knew it was uncharacteristic for her to be so quiet. 

“So you hate him?” She asked, noticing your abrupt stop. 

“I- yes. Yes, I did. I do."

“It doesn't sound like you-” 

“We- we parted on really bad terms. I think. I took one of your files accidentally, and he was very angry, we both said some things-” And did some other things, you thought. 

“Things that I'm sure we both regret.” 

“Oh my god-” the other woman said, suddenly going wide-eyed and jumping up from the couch. 

“You're the- you're the reason he was late! He's never been late, never, apart from - well anyway he's never late but he was late and… oh Miss Y/N, you're not telling me everything!” 

“What? N-No, I don't know what you're-” 

“Luke owes me $20. This is wonderful. Look at me, I'm not even a fancy shmancy profiler or anything!” 

“Penelope please-” 

She heard the plea in your tone and sat down again, zipping her lips up and throwing away a non-existent key. 

“While we were…arguing, he accused me of having blocked his email, ignoring him on purpose. I found out today that he emailed from his FBI account and not his university email-” 

“So it was sent to your spam folder? Yeah, it happens all the time.” 

You shot her a tired look, and she repeated her action. Lips zipped, key thrown.

“I came here to….” To what? Fight with him again? See him again? To one up him? To kiss him again, feel his hands on you, feel his fingers inside of you, his tongue on your clit as you rode his face again, his hands around your throat as you came on his dick, as he blew his load inside you, filling you with his cum- 

“Shit.” 

“Shit? What's… what is shit, Y/N? Please enlighten me, because everything seems very not shit to me right now, other than the fact that I'm due a video call from our boy wonder soon and I haven't located this book yet.

You counted in your head and then recounted again as all the blood drained from your body. You didn't even want to acknowledge the fact that you'd come here just to see him again  using whatever old excuse you could find to get back into his arms (or more accurately, his bed). 

You counted, and you counted again until your brain fogged, and you couldn't even hear Penelope asking you if you were alright anymore. 

“Penelope, I- I think… Penelope, can you keep a secret?” 

“Yes, I can absolutely keep a secret. I'm a great secret keeper. Everyone says if you want a secret keeping, Penelope is your girl-” 

“Okay, that's- that's enough. I need to- shit, I need to go and get…” 

For the thousandth time since Spencer left, you stood up and started pacing. 

“Okay, now you're worrying me, friend I just made. Please don't freak out on me.” 

“I'm sorry, I'm going to freak out, I think I'm pregnant. Very much freaking out.”

All of a sudden, Penelope was up and pacing beside you. 

“Pregnant! With a baby? You think you're pregnant with a baby?”

“I don't see how I could be pregnant with anything else?” 

“You're sure?”

“No! I need a test or a sign from God or something.” 

The woman took a deep breath herself and then grabbed your shoulders, hauling you to her side. 

“Okay, breathe. You sit here, I’ll go pick up a test. Don't go anywhere and don't spiral. Rearrange the bookshelves of you must but don't. Leave. Okay?” 

You nodded, and she rushed out of the door in a whirlwind.

For at least ten minutes, you stayed completely still. It had been roughly seven weeks since your last period and 26 days since you and Spencer had sex. He hadn't pulled out. He hadn't worn a condom. He hadn't asked if you were on birth control. As much as you wanted to be angry, though, you hadn't told him to pull out. You hadn't stopped him and asked him to put on a condom, and if you were telling the truth, you enjoyed it all the more when he'd finished inside you. You'd forgotten that you'd gone off your birth control when you'd started your job, knowing that tenure came with health insurance and wanting to get the implant cheaper or included in your premium. 

What a brilliant plan.

Still, you weren't expecting this, and you were in a haze. 

Seven weeks. You'd missed a period, and you hadn't even noticed. 

You stopped spiralling when you paced into the bookshelves and started actually looking at the things laid about on his shelves. 

There were chess pieces, small rooks placed here and there, as if dropped and forgotten. Paper stuck out of the books at all different angles, and you noticed his looping scrawl on a few of them, his notes brief and indecipherable, but still bringing a faint smile to your lips. 

Then there were the pictures. There were a lot with an older woman you instantly recognised as his mother, and your heart softened as how they looked very protective of one another. Others showed him with his team, with Penelope, and a stern looking middle-aged man, two women, a happy looking, well-built man. There were weddings, faces that popped up here and there. There was a very young, very vulnerable looking Spencer playing chess with an older man. 

The room was filled with family, and you couldn't stop the tears from welling up in your eyes as you took in how much Spencer could love. 

He cared, and he cared deeply, and there were all these people in his life that enjoyed being around him. And he hated you. 

Your heart sank, and you were about to leave when Penelope appeared again, test in hand and gently pushed you into the bathroom. 

You took the test and waited. Penelope waited beside you, clutching your (clean) hands in hers as she talked you through her day, distracting you in the only way she could.

But your brain resisted everything, focused only on how you were about to grow a family with a man you knew didn't enjoy your company. 

“What am I going to do, Penelope?” You whispered, suddenly afraid of what your future looked like. 

“I can't - I can't raise a baby with a man that doesn't love me the way-” 

You ran a hand through your hair, biting your tongue quickly. 

“You don't have to answer me, but is it… is there a chance it could be Spencer's?” 

You nodded before you could even think of lying, too wrapped up in your mental to-do list building up and up and up. 

“It could be negative? This could just be panic and stress and-” 

You heard the alarm you'd set for the test go off and jumped up, sprinting into the bathroom. 

Two lines. What did two lines mean? Two lines meant baby. 

Baby. You were having a baby. 

“Y/N, what does it say?” Penelope asked from behind you. 

“It's… I'm…shit.” 

She came up behind you and looked herself, cursing the same way you did as she watched you for your reaction. 

There was a baby. You were going to have a baby. 

Okay. You could have a baby. You could bring a baby into this world. You just had to figure out how, and write a to-do list, and avoid telling your boss until you got tenure, and tell your parents, and tell Spencer. 

Spencer. 

You had to Spencer. You collapsed to the ground, mumbling to yourself as Penelope fanned you with her hands, squeaking at your unresponsiveness. 

“Spencer…” you mumbled. “I have to tell Spencer.”

You blinked the fog out of your eyes and stood quickly, absent mindedly making a note to check if sudden movements were good for the baby or not. 

“Penelope, I need some help,” you said, moving to the living room and pulling our your phone. She trailed behind you, sending you a worrying look, and you thanked the heavens that you'd managed to run into the most forgiving angel of a woman on quite possible the best/worst day of your life. The jury waa still undecided. 

You snapped a picture of the shelves, and then, throwing your phone down, you started tearing each stack apart. 

Once you'd made a large enough gap in the stacks, you turned back to Penelope. 

“We're going to tell Spencer. Like this.” 

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[punkshort]

somewhere to run | 10. austin

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You and Joel travel to Austin to meet with a lawyer.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, hurt/comfort, flirting, sexual tension, emotional abuse, infidelity, some recapping of DV and SA situations but nothing new, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected (reader previously mentions she's on bc) piv sex

WC: 6.6K

A/N: I have started a notification blog - @punkshort-notifs if you are interested in following for fic updates (but I will be keeping the tag list for this series until it is over)

Series Masterlist

One Month Later

Life carried on the way it always does. Without permission, regardless of any pain or suffering, it always remained a constant. Whether you were present or not, whether you wanted to acknowledge it or hide from it, it didn't matter, because life always carried on.

The first week was the worst. A week of what you could only describe as depression. A week of being alone. Safe, but terribly alone. Going to work helped distract you, until he came in for lunch like always and it felt like your heart was being torn in two all over again. And you could tell it hurt him, too, but you both seemed willing to withstand the pain over not seeing each other at all. Because even though it hurt, it was a reminder you were alive. A reminder that you could still care enough about somebody else, despite everything.

The second week was when you could no longer smell him in your bed. You woke up one morning, eyes barely even open as you searched around the pillowcase, then the sheets, grabbing and pulling at the fabric, desperate to seek out his scent to no avail.

The third week was when you finally didn't have to fight the urge to call or text him, even though he said you could, you knew it would just make things harder. And he must have agreed because he didn't reach out, either.

The fourth week was when you began to feel like you were finally coming out of your slump. You could go to the grocery store or pharmacy and didn't feel your heart skip a beat, you didn't scan the parking lot for his truck in the hopes of running into him. You didn't stop thinking about him, but it just hurt less. That is, until you ran into Hailey coming back from work one evening.

She was out on the sidewalk, cleaning up some garbage from the picnic tables in front of the pizzeria when you waved and caught her eye. You could immediately tell something was wrong by the pained smile she gave you.

"Hey," she said, the smile not reaching her eyes as she leaned up against her broom.

"What's going on?" you asked her. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I know, sorry. Work's been-" she waved in the direction of the propped open door and shook her head. "But I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh?"

"It's about book club," she said, dropping her gaze to the ground. "And I just want to let you know, I voted against it-"

"They don't want me back, do they?" you offered, trying to make it easier for her. She sighed and shook her head.

"It's all so stupid, I'm sorry," she said, looking up at you again. "Nikki's got all those old ladies wrapped around her finger and they're just pissed Joel dumped her for... well, y'know."

"They know we aren't together, right? I mean, I'm married..." you trailed off, not wishing to go into too much detail when you knew eventually when you went to court, all your dirty laundry would be aired.

"Yeah, they do. Still, they blame you, and it's stupid, like I said. They should be mad at Joel, it's not like it's your fault, and I swear I tried explaining that-"

"It's okay," you said, holding up your hand and giving her a sad smile. "I appreciate it, but it's fine. I have a lot coming up, anyway. I won't find that much time to read."

"But we can still hang out! Do you wanna go get drinks this weekend? Or maybe see a movie?" Hailey asked, and you could tell she genuinely felt bad.

"Yeah, either of those sound great," you said. "I'll text you and we can figure something out."

You made a hasty exit and dragged yourself up the stairs to your apartment. Even though you probably wouldn't have continued to go, the rejection still stung.

For a while, the silence was deafening. Without a TV to even distract you, leaving you with endless amounts of time to overthink, you were worried you were going insane. You lucked out recently and found a decent TV at a thrift store, so you at least had something to occupy your time, although you knew it would be short lived. In a couple days, you had an appointment to meet with a law firm in Austin. An appointment Joel had set up and offered to attend with you, and at the time, you were so desperate for anything to do with him, you agreed, but now you were wondering if that was a bad idea. Almost two hours in the car alone with Joel? No, that didn't seem like a good idea at all.

"Whadd'ya mean, you wanna drive separate?" Joel asked as you refilled his coffee. "That doesn't make any sense. Waste of gas."

"Yeah, but I was thinking of staying an extra day. Check out the city," you lied, turning your back to him so he wouldn't be able to see through you.

"Alone?"

You cringed at the word, but nodded. The little dinner bell rang in the window and your eyes jumped up just in time to see Thor put Joel's sandwich on the small shelf. You grabbed the plate and set it down in front of him, his eyes still boring into you, waiting for a better explanation.

"I think it'll just be easier," you said quietly, the words only meant for his ears. When he connected the dots, he leaned back in his chair and nodded.

"Oh," he said, gaze drifting down to his food. "That's a shame. I was lookin' forward to it."

"I'm sorry," you told him, grabbing a rag and pretending to wipe down the counter so your conversation didn't invite gossip and speculation. "So was I. That's the problem."

"And if I promise to behave myself, would you reconsider?" he teased, finally making you smile a little.

"I think you're incapable of behaving yourself, Sheriff," you replied, making him chuckle.

This was what your relationship had been reduced to: quick, flirty exchanges over coffee and turkey clubs. You supposed it was better than nothing.

"C'mon, it's just a couple hours. If you want, you can nap or listen to music," he said, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite.

"Fine," you relented, but only because once you offered taking two cars out loud, you realized how stupid it sounded.

"Pick you up at 7?" he asked around a mouth full of food.

"Sure. Do I need to prepare anything? I've never gotten this far in the process before," you told him, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Nope. Helen already sent over all the reports and once the process gets started, they'll reach out to whatever hospital you went to back in Philly to get your emergency room medical reports," he explained, and you nodded along, feeling fidgety. "I'm sure they'll do some more digging while they're at it. Reach out to his police captain and all that."

"Right," you said, biting your nail.

"One step at a time, alright?" he told you softly, picking up on your nerves. "You already did your part, now let the lawyers do theirs."

"But I'll have to testify," you reminded him, and he slowly nodded.

"Most likely, yes. You don't have to, but it'll help your case if you do."

"And he'll be there?" you asked, wringing the towel between your hands.

"Yeah, he'll be there," Joel said, watching your face fall. "But I'll be there, too. You just look at me when the time comes, don't look at him."

"Okay," you said, taking a deep breath. You knew this would be hard, but you also knew it was necessary. "And this lawyer - they can help me get a divorce?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay," you said again. You forced yourself to smile even though the anxiety was already creeping up. "I can do this," you told him, trying to sound confident.

"Hell yes, you can do this," he replied. "That's my girl," he added, picking up his sandwich then pausing before taking a bite. He glanced up at you and gave you half a smirk when he noticed the look on your face at the term of endearment. "Sorry, I'll behave."

You had initially dreaded waking up so early, but after the restless night's sleep you ended up having, it turned out it didn't make much of a difference. Your appointment was at 9:30 and it took about two hours to get to Austin, so Joel arriving at 7am gave you a decent cushion in case there was traffic.

Already two cups of coffee down, you poured the rest into a travel thermos and grabbed your purse before jogging lightly down your stairs. You locked your door and turned towards the street to find Joel's truck parked right out front. Glancing around, you noticed it was fairly quiet still, which was a relief. Joel didn't have to take you to see a lawyer. His job was technically done until the trial. He was doing this for you, to give you some support and advice and it would be ideal if you could keep people from gossiping about it for as long as possible.

"Mornin'," he greeted you with a lazy smile, which perked right up when you handed him the thermos. "Oh, you're an angel, baby," he murmured, taking a sip with an appreciative groan. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to focus on your seatbelt. Less than two minutes and he already had you squirming in your seat.

The first hour of the trip actually turned out to be relatively quiet. You sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the radio while Joel hummed along and tapped the steering wheel and if you closed your eyes, you could imagine the scene just a little differently. Instead of Joel taking you to see a lawyer in Austin so you could press charges and divorce your abusive husband, you imagined you were taking a road trip together. Maybe with no destination in mind: just the two of you and the open road, stopping whenever you saw fit to explore and staying at roadside motels with stiff sheets and shag carpets, limbs tangled together as you panted into each other's mouths. No secrets. No drama. You smiled to yourself, the fantasy giving you a pleasant reminder of what you could have if you just stayed strong.

"What're you smilin' for?" he asked, and your eyes opened to look at him.

"Nothing," you said, and he clicked his tongue against his teeth. God, you missed that tongue and what it could do.

"When all this is over, do you think we can take a road trip together?" you asked him, and his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah, 'course we can," he replied, glancing over at you briefly before looking back at the road. "Where did you wanna go?"

"Doesn't matter," you said, rolling the back of your head against the seat. "Just wanna be with you," you added, softer this time. He looked over at you again, examining your face quickly before focusing back on the road.

"Me too, baby," he said, just as softly.

Joel stopped at a gas station just outside the city to fuel up and stretch your legs. After using the restroom, you wandered up and down the aisles while Joel pumped gas just outside. You were the only one in the store, aside from the sleazy cashier with greasy hair and nicotine stained teeth leering at you every time you crossed his field of vision.

You decided on a couple waters and some sugary pastries and made your way up to the front, forcing a polite smile for the cashier, whose eyes were greedily raking up and down your frame as you approached. You were wearing a modest dress with a cardigan, doing your best to look put together for your appointment, but that didn't stop the cashier's eyes from roaming.

"That all?" he asked as he began to ring you up. You nodded and hummed before glancing out the window, watching as Joel replaced the nozzle on the pump.

"$8.32," he told you, his eyes dropping to your chest as you pulled out a ten dollar bill from your wallet and handed it to him. Your fingertips tapped impatiently on the counter as he slowly counted out your change, clearly trying to prolong the interaction longer than necessary. When it appeared he was ready to hand over the money, you held your hand out, but he pulled your change back a bit and leaned forward.

"You from 'round here?"

"No, just passing through," you said, lifting your hand again, but he clenched your change in his fist.

"What's a pretty girl like you doin' out here all by yourself?" he sneered, his hand dropping below the counter to not so subtly adjust himself in his pants. You made a disgusted face and he smirked.

"She ain't alone," Joel's deep voice rang out from behind you. The cashier's eyes drifted over your shoulder and looked like he was about to make a snide comment when you felt Joel's hand around your waist. His eyes fell to Joel's belt and saw the badge and gun and the smirk he was sporting a moment ago vanished. He quickly handed you back your change and busied himself with organizing the cigarettes while Joel tugged on your waist, urging you to back towards the parking lot.

"And you wanted to drive separate," Joel teased as he led you towards his truck. He opened the passenger door and stepped back so you could get in but you paused and looked up at him. His forehead crinkled as he grinned, his eyes squinting in the sun and all you wanted to do was kiss him and never stop.

"What?" he finally asked when you didn't make a move to get into the car.

"I really want to kiss you right now," you murmured, and you watched the grin slip from his face and his eyes flick down to your mouth.

"We can't," he replied, his voice pained as his gaze continued to drift from your eyes to your lips.

"I know," you sighed. Instead, you stood on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, your lips lingering a moment longer than you should have before climbing into his truck. His breathing stuttered, the feeling of your lips on his skin again sending him into a tailspin. He took a deep breath and looked up at you in the cab, putting on your seatbelt.

"Soon," he told you, giving your leg a squeeze before closing the door.

"So you mentioned you know some of these lawyers?" you asked him as he drove through downtown Austin.

"Yeah, I've dealt with this law firm a lot on some cases over the years. They're good people, as far as lawyers go," he joked before making a right hand turn. "I asked to meet with one of the women. Her name's Madeline. She's nice. Been there a real long time. Thought you'd feel more comfortable with that," he said, and you nodded.

"Thank you," you told him for maybe the twentieth time that day. You were convinced if not for Joel, you never would have made it this far. You would have had no idea where to even begin, but he knew the answers to all those questions and helped give you the confidence you so desperately needed.

Your hands began to shake and your stomach felt like it was in knots as the two of you walked up to the front doors of the impressive four-story building. Men and women streamed in and out of the doors, most dressed in suits and pencil skirts and talking on their phones hurriedly. You swallowed the lump in your throat once you got to the front of the building, but Joel held the door open for you with a reassuring smile.

"Don't be nervous, it'll be alright," he murmured as you walked up to the large receptionist desk that housed two women with headsets on, typing furiously into their computers. One looked up and caught your eye, giving you a friendly smile.

"Mornin'," Joel said, telling the young woman your name and appointment time. She glanced at her computer and nodded before looking back up at you both with another smile.

"I'll let her know you're here, you can take a seat. It shouldn't be very long," the woman said, casting Joel one more admiring glance before she turned back to her phone and dialed a number.

Joel led you over to some plush couches and chairs and you nervously picked up an old magazine. You skimmed through it, just looking for something to occupy your hands as you waited. He sat down next to you, then inched closer so he could rest his arm along the back of the couch. It felt like he was wrapping his arms around you without actually touching you, and it gave you a temporary sense of peace.

After a few minutes of listening to the receptionists answer the phones and transfer calls, you finally heard your name and Joel's. You both looked up to find a thin, middle aged woman with short, blonde hair and glasses and a kind smile waiting for you.

"Maddy," Joel said warmly, and the hairs on the back of your neck went up. He wouldn't have asked an ex-girlfriend to represent you, would he?

"Joel, long time no see," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before introducing herself to you and shaking your hand.

"That's usually a good thing," he reminded her as the two of you followed her down a long hallway, passing by a few empty conference rooms and closed doors that presumably lead to offices.

"Yes, very true," she agreed with a chuckle before stopping in front of her office. She extended an arm, inviting the two of you to enter first before she followed and closed the door behind her.

"How's Tracy?" Joel asked, glancing at a photo on her desk as you sat down.

"She's great. It's our ten year anniversary this summer. We're planning a cruise," she said, settling into her desk chair and shooting you a smile.

Okay, so probably not an ex.

"Alright, let's not waste any time. I know you drove a long way to get here," Madeline said, clasping her hands together on her desk and giving you another smile. She gave off a positive energy, and you could feel yourself loosening up. "I read over everything Joel sent over so I know the basics, and I am so sorry for everything you've had to endure," she said, her eyes softening. "But can you explain to me why you've never tried to come forward before? Trust me, his lawyer will bring it up."

"Well, I have tried," you began, your fingers tangling together in your lap. "I've gone to the police a handful of times but every time I thought I was making progress, Patrick would do something - call in a favor, I don't know," you said with a shrug. "And my police reports magically disappeared. I've gone to the hospital on several occasions-"

"That's right, I did read that. Which hospital?" she asked, picking up a pen, the tip hovering over a legal pad.

"There were a few different ones," you said, then rattled off the names and approximate dates you visited each hospital.

"Okay. We'll reach out and get copies of those records for the trial," she said, dropping the pen and looking at you to continue.

You went on to tell her about your experience with the police back in Philadelphia and how angry Patrick would get after those visits. You told her about his disappearances for days at a time and how he would come home in a haze, no doubt with alcohol and some type of drug in his veins, how those were the times he hurt you the most.

By the time you got to the part in your story where you packed a bag and left Philadelphia during one of Patrick's benders, you felt a lot more at ease. Your nerves were gone and Madeline's comforting gaze made it so much easier to tell her everything.

"So the next step in the process is discovery. Our team here is going to be digging up dirt back in Philly, and I am sure Patrick's lawyer is already doing the same thing," she said, putting down her pen and looking at you over her glasses. "That being said: is there anything I need to know? I don't like surprises in court. I don't care if you ever smoked weed or pushed him back, I just need to know so I can get ahead of it." You quickly shook your head.

"No, I've never tried drugs and I never hit him back." You glanced over at Joel for the first time and found him staring at you with a look in his eye that made you believe you were thinking about the same thing. After a moment, you turned back to Madeline, about to open your mouth to speak when Joel cut you off.

"There's one more thing," he said, sitting up straighter in his chair. She looked at him curiously, clearly not expecting him to have anything to add. "We, uh," he cleared his throat and glanced over at you. "We had a brief, personal relationship," he said. Madeline sat back in her chair and you could have sworn she was glaring at him. "It's over. It was just once," he continued, and you nodded quickly, trying to help him out.

"Nobody knows, either," you told her, drawing her gaze back onto you. "Patrick had his suspicions, but he also accused me of sleeping with two cooks from work, which is untrue," you clarified, "he's just jealous and angry."

"How can you be sure nobody knows?" she asked, and you paused.

"W-well, nobody..." you trailed off, looking at Joel for help.

"It's a small town, Maddy. If people knew, they'd be talkin'. Trust me," he said, rolling his eyes. "The most anyone knows is I had a little crush on her, but nothin' more."

"Besides. Patrick's cheated on me for years. I'm not an idiot, I could smell the perfume on his jacket and found the condom wrappers in his pants pocket," you told her, but she shook her head.

"This is a little different, hun," she said, leaning forward. "Joel's the town sheriff. He arrested Patrick and broke his nose. It's going to look like he had ulterior motives," she said, lifting up a piece of paper in front of her to double check her notes.

"I didn't break his nose, the table broke his nose. It was self-defense. The guy's got nothin'," Joel scoffed.

"Yeah you're probably right, but he's still going to make your life a living hell in court," Madeline said. "You looking for representation, too?"

"What?!" you exclaimed, turning in your seat to look at Joel. "He's suing you?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal. Happens from time to time, nothin' ever comes from it," he said casually.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked, your voice softening.

"Didn't wanna worry you. You gotta focus on this," he said, pointing to Madeline. "The other shit doesn't matter."

You wanted to argue with him but you knew your time was running short, so you let it go.

"Well at least you had the good sense not to take her statement," she said, glancing down at the papers before her. "Let's just hope it doesn't come up, and if it does, I'll be prepared," she said, making a note to herself before giving you her attention again. "I'll do my best to fast track this and set a court date. I'll have my team call his superior officer and we'll run some checks on him, call the hospitals, and start building your case. I'll be in touch soon about any potential witnesses you can bring to the stand that you trust. Anybody who might have witnessed Patrick abusing you, even if he was just yelling or twisting your arm. People you confided in. Anybody you might think can help, start thinking about it now and gathering contact info, okay?"

"Okay," you said firmly. You were starting to feel better, like this was the beginning of the end. And you had the feeling that Madeline was the right person to fight for you. She seemed honest and straight forward, understanding yet tough. This was someone who would give you your freedom back.

"And I can get a divorce?" you asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, I'm going to file the petition this afternoon and he will be served the papers," she explained. "If he contests it, we can cross that bridge when we come to it, but I'm hoping with all the fire we're throwing at him, he won't want to put up a fight."

"Thank you," you breathed, feeling even more at ease now that something was actually happening today. Any amount of progress at this point made you feel good.

You stayed another hour to review an endless amount of paperwork: the contract with the law firm, reviewing your statement for any inaccuracies, initialing and dating next to so many paragraphs on the petition to be filed that your eyes were going blurry by the end.

As you both stood up to follow Madeline out of her office, you stopped short.

"Wait, what about payment? I don't think we discussed legal fees in the contract," you said, frowning as you pulled your copy of the contract out from under your arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought Joel already told you," she said, glancing over at Joel, who dropped his gaze to his shoes. "The partners picked your case pro bono. The firm has to do a certain number each year and Joel suggested to a few of the right people that your case should be considered."

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding me?" you whispered in shock, trying to fight the tears that were beginning to spring up. You looked at Joel but he averted his gaze before awkwardly clearing his throat.

"It's no big deal-" he began, but you cut him off.

"No, it is a big deal," you told him, and he clamped his mouth shut. Madeline's eyes flicked between the two of you for a moment, watching as you tried and failed to come up with the right words to convey your gratitude.

"The firm is happy to represent you, hun," Madeline said, breaking the silence. "We're gonna make sure this guy gets what's coming to him, understand?"

You tore your eyes away from Joel, who was finding it difficult to look anywhere but the floor.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," you told her, and she smiled before extending her arm towards the door.

As you walked towards the lobby, she was reminding you to expect a call in a few days with an update and to have a list of contacts ready for her, but you just nodded along numbly, barely listening.

Joel had already gone above and beyond by finding you a good lawyer and coming with you for support, but to also convince them to handle your legal fees? He didn't have to do any of this, but he did, and he didn't expect anything in return. Nobody had ever expressed so much concern about you before. And as you walked in silence towards the parking garage, you realized there could only be one explanation. There could only be one reason why he would do so much, and the thought had your heart pounding in your chest.

You drove in silence for a while, the atmosphere in the truck tense. He tried putting music on but you couldn't focus on anything other than everything that happened in the past few hours. Then you started to go back even further: cleaning your apartment and finding you furniture after Patrick vandalized it, walking you home during a rain storm, fixing your fucking sink when you had barely spoken two sentences to him. You rolled your head to the side, watching him as he focused on the freeway, his grip tight around the steering wheel.

"Look at me," you said quietly, and you saw a muscle in his jaw twitch. After too long of a pause, he just said one word.

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm drivin'."

"Bullshit," you said, and watched his throat bob as he swallowed nervously. You continued to stare him down, willing him to look at you, needing to see into his eyes to confirm your suspicion.

"Please, Joel," you finally said, your voice small. You could see the conflict in his face. The way his lips formed a hard line and his brows pinched together as he fought the urge, but once again he found he couldn't say no.

Slowly, he pulled his gaze off the road and forced himself to look at you. Your lips parted as you looked right through him and he knew right then and there he was fucked.

"Pull over," you mumbled, and he just nodded. He could feel the heat of your gaze on him as he took the nearest exit and pulled into a parking lot of what appeared to be an abandoned department store.

He didn't need to ask and you didn't bother to explain.

Once he parked, doing his best to choose a secluded spot, you each ripped off your seatbelts. He reached down to pull the lever below his seat and slid it back as far as it would go and in broad daylight, you climbed over the console to straddle his lap. His hands flew to your hips as you gripped the sides of his face, searching his eyes frantically before your mouth crashed down over his with a moan.

Joel was normally a strong man, but something about you always made him so weak. Weak and selfish and desperate and he wouldn't have it any other way. That's why, even though he knew it was a mistake, he kissed you back. Your tongues tangled together and when your hands slid up to his hair, he was done for. You were too warm and tasted too sweet and felt too fucking good, it was a miracle he came to his senses when your hand dropped down between you to land on his belt and he managed to pull away.

"That's not why I did all this," he said, each of you panting for air. "I didn't do it so I could fuck you."

"I know," you assured him, cupping the back of his neck. "I know why you did it."

He gazed up at you and slowly nodded.

"Reckon it's pretty obvious, huh?" he said softly, toying with the hem of your dress.

You didn't say anything in return. Instead, you lowered your mouth hungrily over his and he happily obliged. And when your hand drifted back down to his belt, he didn't stop you. He couldn't deny it any longer. He tried, he really did, but it was hopeless.

He wouldn't say the words out loud, and you were grateful. Because if he had, you weren't sure you would be able to convince yourself this was a one-time thing. Madeline's disapproving glare was seared into the back of your mind, her comments about Joel's own lawsuit still very much a concern, but when you lowered yourself onto him, each of you groaning your need into each other's mouths as you stretched around him, it all became a distant memory.

"Missed you so much," you mumbled against his skin as your mouth dragged down his jaw. You rolled your hips, slowly at first, but picked up the pace when you remembered you were in the middle of a parking lot and didn't have much time. "You feel so good," you continued, feeling his arms tense around you as he tried to hold himself back. "Think about you all the time. Especially in bed - ah!" you cried out when he began bucking up into you.

"Yeah? You touch yourself when you think about me?" he grunted in your ear, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you nodded. His hands gripped your waist, guiding your movements up and down while his mouth ghosted over your chest, wishing more than ever he could glide his tongue over your nipples, but he was too aware of where you were. He settled for yanking the sleeve of your dress down, exposing your shoulder so his teeth and facial hair could leave little red marks, hidden from view.

"Can't get enough of you, can't fuckin' stay away," he groaned, watching as you circled your hips, greedily chasing your own pleasure. Your arm shot out to the side, seeking leverage against the now foggy window, your fingers leaving telltale streaks as your hand slowly dragged downwards so when he got into his truck the next morning, he would see the ghost of your hand in the early morning dew.

"Joel," you whined, tossing your head back while you began to bounce, your ass accidentally beeping the horn and making you both laugh. Nothing could harm you here. Not when you had each other. Not when you had the feel of his rough hands over your skin and his soft lips against your mouth.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close. "C'mon, baby. Want you to feel me tomorrow," he said, lifting his hips up to meet yours, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

You gasped as your body went rigid, a white hot heat ripping through you while your legs began to shake and you whimpered his name over and over. You heard Joel groan and say something, probably a warning he was close, but you couldn't be sure. You nodded and mumbled some encouragement but your mind was still too fuzzy and your ears were practically ringing from the force of your orgasm. But when his teeth sunk into your shoulder, the slight pain snapped you out of it. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you down firmly onto his lap until his body stilled and he grunted into your skin.

You rested your cheek on the top of his head while his face stayed buried in your chest, both of you fighting for air as reality slowly began to sink in.

"Guess I didn't behave myself," he finally said with a chuckle. You grinned and lazily raised your head up so you could look at him.

"I think I'll take the blame for this one," you said before lifting off of him with a little gasp and moving your underwear back in place. You were about to swing your leg back over to your seat when he stopped you.

"Just another minute," he said, his hands mindlessly sliding up and down your thighs, and you draped your arms around his neck.

"We shouldn't do this again," you finally said, breaking the spell. He sighed and nodded but his hands continued to glide up and down your legs.

"I know."

You cupped his face and tilted his chin up to look at you. Your thumbs brushed over his cheeks as you stared into his eyes, still seeing everything he didn't have the courage to say. Leaning down, you pressed a tender kiss against his lips, then rested your foreheads together.

"Thank you, Joel."

"You're welcome, baby."

As promised, a few days later, Madeline's secretary reached out for a list of contacts that could be called upon to support your case. You didn't have many people in your corner, but you gave her your cousin's information back in Philadelphia, an old co-worker who you had partially confided in when the abuse started, a few friends who had noticed bruises but you had made up excuses for them at the time, and you reluctantly gave your mother's information, with the note to discuss with you first before contacting her.

You had hoped Madeline wouldn't want to call on your mother to testify. You hadn't spoken to her since you ran away to Texas, and given the way she responded when you told her what Patrick was doing, you weren't confident she would be a good witness. But it was still someone from your past who you confided in, and that was what Madeline was looking for: a trail of evidence, cries for help, anything to prove the most recent incident was not a one off situation.

"Madeline called me today," you told Joel after picking up his empty plate.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"She reviewed all the contacts I gave to her secretary and she scheduled another appointment for next week."

"Great, what day?" he asked, pulling out his phone.

"Tuesday," you said, replacing his coffee with a glass of ice water. He glanced up at you and quirked an eyebrow. "You drink too much caffeine," you explained, and he grinned.

"Ah, shit. I have a thing at Sarah's school that day. Lemme see if I can reschedule it-"

"No, go to Sarah's school, I wasn't telling you so you would come with me, I was just... letting you know," you said with a shrug.

"You sure?" he questioned, and you nodded.

"I'm sure. I know how to get there now and I feel comfortable with Madeline. I swear, I'll be fine," you told him. He put his phone down on the counter and thought for a moment before leaning forward and lowering his voice.

"This ain't 'bout what happened last time, is it?"

"No!" you said in surprise, and he looked relieved. "Not at all. I'm just trying to... I don't know, take control of my life, I guess?" He nodded but he still looked confused. "What I mean is, I think it's important I do some things for myself. Not that I don't appreciate-"

"I get it," he said with a chuckle as he stood up from his stool. "You just let me know if you change your mind."

"Okay," you replied with a smile, but stopped him when you realized he hadn't touched his water. You held the glass out to him and he stared at it, then looked at you with a sigh before plucking it from your grip and downing the whole thing in one gulp.

"Happy?"

"Very," you said with a grin, and watched him as he walked towards the front door, stopping briefly to chat with Maria before heading back to work.

Joel shoved his hands into the pockets of his dress pants as he walked back to the station, nodding to a few people along the way. He couldn't stop his gaze from traveling up to the window above the pizza place every time he walked by, smiling to himself when he noticed a new plant in your window.

The bullpen sounded quiet as Joel made his way back to his office. He liked quiet days. That was always a good day, in his book. He sat down in his chair with a huff, the little orange light on his desk phone blinking angrily at him, indicating a voicemail. He picked up the phone and punched in his passcode. He was reaching for a pen when the voice on the other end of the phone made him freeze.

"Joel, it's Maddy. Give me a call back when you get this, it's urgent."

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[alexbkrieger13]

Harder: "Underrated? I get enough recognition"

According to her coach, Bayern's Pernille Harder (31) is still underrated. She sees it differently, talks about her role, her goals - and the duel with her former club Wolfsburg.

Just in time for the start of the Champions League against Arsenal this Wednesday (6.45 p.m.) and the Bundesliga top match against Wolfsburg (Saturday, 5.45 p.m., both LIVE! on kicker), Germany's Footballer of the Year 2020 is back in top form. So a visit to the Oktoberfest was a perfect fit for the Dane Pernille Harder and her Bayern teammates.

According to her coach, Bayern's Pernille Harder (31) is still underestimated. She sees it differently, and talks about her role, her goals - and the duel with her former club Wolfsburg.

Pernille Harder recently scored three times against TSG Hoffenheim.

Pernille Harder recently scored three times against TSG Hoffenheim.IMAGO/DiZ-PiX

Just in time for the start of the Champions League against Arsenal this Wednesday (6.45 p.m.) and the Bundesliga top match against Wolfsburg (Saturday, 5.45 p.m., both LIVE! on kicker), Germany's 2020 footballer of the year is back in top form. So a visit to the Oktoberfest was a perfect fit for the Dane Pernille Harder and her Bayern teammates.

Ms. Harder, how was the trip to Oktoberfest with the team?

A good experience. It's always interesting to experience German culture, especially here in Bavaria. Last year I was there for the first time, now for the second time.

Do you like the hustle and bustle there?

It's always a nice experience and fun, but I don't have to go to Oktoberfest every weekend (laughs). I generally prefer quieter places.

You seem to have a very good atmosphere in the team. That's probably not least due to the results this year.

Yes, we're really well positioned, a close-knit group. That's also because we don't have a huge squad - everyone has an important role in the team. That contributes to the atmosphere. We win, we score a lot of goals.

Apart from the DFB Cup final against Wolfsburg, you haven't lost a single game this year.

There is a lot of self-confidence in the team. This is based on the many victories and the experience we have gained there. Even if we are behind, we have the confidence to come back. And we trust our style of play. The way we are now, the way we are playing, we have developed a lot as a team compared to a year ago.

You previously played for VfL Wolfsburg and FC Chelsea and won a series of titles there. Can you get used to winning?

I don't know if I'm used to it… you shouldn't take it for granted. I like it anyway (smiles). And sometimes you lose too. We don't want to sit back and rest on our laurels, we want to develop and get better.

Wolfsburg suffered a surprise 0-3 defeat to Frankfurt a week ago. Do you watch this or other Bundesliga games in your free time?

I watch the Bundesliga, our Bundesliga, whenever I can. We were still eating after our own game against Bremen when Frankfurt played Wolfsburg, so I could only watch on my phone.

Is Eintracht now the number one pursuer? Or, despite the mixed start to the season, is Wolfsburg still your next league opponent?

We definitely have an exciting league. Frankfurt and Wolfsburg will both fight for the top spots. It's all the more interesting, all the more fun, when there's more competition.

Between 2017 and 2020 you played for VfL - your first stop at a top European club.

I have good memories of it, it was a great time. For me, that was the point in my career where I went from being a relatively unknown player to an established player in Europe. I am grateful to VfL for putting their trust in me as a young player. I still have some good contacts there.

Let's move on to the Champions League. Your coach Alexander Straus says that FC Bayern "got the toughest possible opponents from some of the pots". Do you agree?

I think there are two difficult groups. We are in one of them. And yes, Juventus is probably the strongest team in pot 3. We have to concentrate on each game individually. If we are fully there in these games, we have a good chance of progressing.

In January, your teammate and partner Magdalena Eriksson said in a kicker interview that FC Barcelona and Olympique Lyon were the top favorites for the 2023/24 title. Has anything changed since then?

Barcelona will always be the top favorite at the moment. But we now have so much competition in women's football that not just one or two teams can win. I estimate that apart from Barca there are about eight that have the opportunity to get very far in this tournament.

Which ones are they?

We also have Lyon, Manchester City, Arsenal, Chelsea. And Juventus, AS Roma, Bayern and Wolfsburg.

So do you see yourself as being on a par with the other seven behind Barcelona?

It's all about the little things. When you're in the quarter-finals, it often depends on your form on the day.

But your coach thinks Arsenal are the top favourites in Group C.

Yes, difficult to say… It's been a while since we played against them. Arsenal are a great team with a lot of great players.

Who come to mind first?

Kim Little is important for them. Mariona Caldentey came from Barcelona, ​​a great player. For me she is already a key player, even though she is new to the team. Stina Blackstenius and Alessia Russo are worth mentioning, Frida Maanum has performed well this season. They have a lot of good players.

With Chelsea, they have won five of their eight games against Arsenal, and drawn two. So they know how to beat Arsenal.

We have to defend compactly. Arsenal want to play the game, they are good at finding gaps and spaces. We will have some good moments of transition, but we can also play our game with the ball. Maybe we have to defend a little more against them than we are used to. Without becoming passive, but being aggressive.

Then we play against Juventus. In the pre-season, you played 0-0 against the Italians. What do you remember from that?

Juventus played man-to-man, one-on-one, all over the field. That made the game very different to what we are used to. But this experience can also be an advantage for us.

Do you like this man-oriented defense of opposing teams?

I like it better when it is possible to find space. We don't come up against so many teams that play man-marking all over the field. Maybe some teams do that up front or in midfield - but not everywhere. We will prepare well for that.

Valerenga Oslo is the absolute underdog in your group. Or?

They are from pot 4, so on paper they are an underdog team, yes. I know a few players from there, including a Danish player (captain Janni Thomsen, editor's note), she is a really good player. It applies to all teams in the group stage: if you are not fully there on the day, any team can hurt you. Even Valerenga.

Why is FC Bayern better than in the previous season? Why is the season not ending in the group phase this time?

We are almost the same team as last season. But we have developed our game since then. We are more attuned to the way we want to play, both offensively and defensively. And our transition behavior has improved.

What do you think of the new Champions League mode from next season?

That will be interesting. The men are already gaining their first experiences with it. It's always fun to try something new.

Before the Bundesliga game against Hoffenheim (5:1) at the end of September, your coach said that you hadn't yet broken the deadlock. Then you scored three times in that very game. Did you also feel like you had broken the deadlock?

Of course, as an offensive player you always want to score your first goal of the season to get going. But I also try to concentrate on other things that I do on the pitch: creating chances and providing assists. For me, that's just as important as the goals. Even though I know that the media and the people around me like the goals more. But the goals come by themselves if the rest is right.

Straus also said that you were underestimated and didn't get the recognition you deserve.

(laughs) I think I get enough recognition, that's fine. I don't know if I'm underestimated. But I'm glad that the coach thinks I'm important to the team. That's the most important thing for me: that my team trusts that I'll deliver and that I get recognition from them.

Before you left the Bundesliga for England in the summer of 2020, it sometimes seemed as if you could score and set up goals at will. In the meantime, your opponents have gotten better.

We played differently with Wolfsburg than we do now at Bayern. That's why it's difficult for me to compare.

But you can compare the opponents.

That's right. The level in the Bundesliga has increased since then, no question about it. There has been a big development. Also that there are now more teams that are good with the ball. And almost all of them want to build up from the back through the goalkeeper.

Your coach sometimes uses you as a striker, sometimes as a ten, sometimes on the wing. Which position suits you best?

I prefer to move in the "space in between" (Harder uses the German term here for once; ed.), where I can pick up the ball and then turn. Thanks to our style of play, I can stay in the space in between, regardless of whether I'm a nine, ten or winger. So the exact position is actually not that important.

[guppygiggles]

Let's Get Physical!

What: Tickle fluff with a dash of mild hurt/comfort.

Word count: ~2.3k

Universe: Sea & Sky AU

Who: Avery, Casper, Finnegan.

Description: Avery gives Finnegan a physical. Emotional bonding and cuddling between the three of them. Just a little oneshot with a bit of tickling for everyone!

Friday afternoon couldn't have come soon enough.

As I made the short trek home from the bank, my eyes trained on the lighthouse as it stood tall against the afternoon sky. After glaring at my computer screen and paperwork for eight hours, it was a relief to stare at something beautiful and distant. I rolled my tired shoulders, wincing in pain as I did. Maybe I could talk Avery into giving me one of his expert massages… Not that I deserved it, I thought, after how neglectful I’d been him and Finn all week. I frowned, remembering how many times I'd fallen asleep watching TV with them -- I definitely needed to make up for lost time this weekend. I shuffled up the stone steps and turned the lighthouse’s antique doorknob, wiping my feet on the strawberry-print mat as I entered.

“Caspeheher! Hehehehelp!”

No sooner had I walked through the door – key still in-hand – than my arms were full of triton as Finn crashed into me, nearly knocking us both over. He squeezed me as if he hadn't seen me in weeks, giggling as he nuzzled his face into my neck. With some effort, I deposited my keys and wallet into the plastic tray and shuffled out of my shoes, just in time to watch Avery appear in the foyer. He was grinning in that characteristic, long-suffering way of his as he shook his head.

“What are you doing to this fish?” I asked, chuckling as Finn scrambled out of my arms and hid behind me.

���Well, I was just trying to give him a routine physical,” Avery replied, “but as you can see, it isn't going well.”

“He’s lying!” Finn protested, laughter riding beneath his words. “He was tickling me!”

I quirked an eyebrow at Avery, who rolled his eyes upward, offering a sheepish grin-and-shrug combo that told me everything I needed to know. For the first time that day, I giggled.

“Do you need an assistant to help with this patient, Dr. Nimbus?” I asked playfully, reaching back to pinch Finn's side without taking my eyes off the cloudman, eliciting a ticklish squeal.

“Why, yes! Thank you for offering, I believe that would be quite helpful!”

“What?! You traitor!” Before I could snatch him, Finnegan darted past me and was scampering back up the stairs with a gleeful laugh. I wondered why Avery didn't stop him… until the elemental floated gracefully over to me, pulling me into a deep and comprehensive embrace. I sighed with relief, my eyes automatically closing as I laid my head on his chest, listening to the quiet storm inside his body. Bergamot and old paper wrapped around my olfactory nerve like a warm blanket – I was finally home.

“Hi, dewdrop.”

“Hey, peach.”

“How was your day?”

“Tiring… This audit is wearing me out. I'm really sorry I haven't been much fun to be around this week… I promise I'll make it up to you and Finny.”

“You know you don't have to apologize for that, sweetheart. We're both so proud of how hard you work, and we understand when you're tired.” Avery's large, soft hand stroked my upper back. As it did, I felt his fingers get curious around my shoulders, pressing and palpating my achy muscles. I flinched through a cocktail of ticklishness and pain. “Oh, oh… Sorry, did that hurt? My goodness, you are tense. You've been hunching over your desk again, haven't you?”

I blushed a little. No matter how many times Avery tried to correct my posture, I always fell back into old habits as soon as work got too stressful.

“Aheh… Maybe a little… Sorry.”

“Oh, Casper… Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he chided, his touch turning softer and playing around my shoulders and neck, making me laugh and squirm.

“Ehehe~! Okay, I'll- ahaha! I'll w-work on ihihhihit!”

“You'd better, or you'll be in for a much more serious tickling than this!” Avery teased, continuing to tickle a bit more before stopping, his eyes tender as he looked at me. “Really, though… I'll give you a nice massage later, okay? I don't want you to be in pain.”

I felt my ears flush as I turned my attention to the foyer wall, my mind wandering to Avery's cool, pillowy doctor's hands coated in massage oil, squeezing and kneading my bare shoulders…

I cleared my throat, meeting his eyes only briefly, as if staring too long would allow him to read my mind.

“Don't we have a fish to torment?”

“Ah, yes! I'm sure he's up there getting impatient… which makes me worry for the state of our home. Shall we?”

He gestured to the stairwell. I took a step forward, then halted, eyeing him warily.

“... After you.”

Avery grinned. “No, really. I insist.”

“You’re a doctor; such a title affords you the right to go first, don't you think? Please permit me to offer this token of my respect.”

I watched him try not to laugh. So was I, but I was better at it.

“...You flatter me. Very well, I'll lead on.”

I let Avery believe I wasn't going to do anything. I was certain that by the time we’d passed the halfway point, I'd convinced him of my innocence. Surely if I'd planned on doing something, I would've by then. Right?

Right…?

Wrong. With about ten steps in the winding staircase to go, I reached up and gave the elemental a quick scribbling along both of his sides. Avery gasped in surprise, followed by a flurry of defeated, yet joyful laughter.

“Oh, you cheeky little-”

Just like Finnegan had done to me earlier, I ducked under Avery's hands as he reached back to snatch me, clambering to pass him on the staircase. Unlike Finn, though… dodging Avery's hands didn't guarantee my safety, as a forceful gust of wind knocked me backwards and right into his arms. I screeched with laughter as he lifted and tossed me like a sack of potatoes over his soft shoulder, my legs kicking as he easily carried me the rest of the way.

“Oh, no you don't,” he admonished, reaching up to tweak the crease at the top of my thigh with his thumb and forefinger. Panicked laughter filled the living room we now stood in as I thrashed, but none of my wriggling did any good; he was simply too strong. Avery chuckled as he gently pinched, forcing a torrent of squealing, frantic laughter from me, until he deposited me carefully on the couch.

“Did you know I was going to do that?” I asked, still giggling.

“I had a suspicion… but I will concede that you lulled me into a false sense of security.”

“Yessss!” I cheered, earning another lighthearted glare as he reached down with both hands, quickly wiggling his fingers along my sides and belly. I curled into a ball on the couch, filling the room with my hysterical squawking as he tickled any spot he could reach.

“You might be a systems admin, but you moonlight as a troublemaker, don't you?”

“NOHOHOHOOO!”

“I think you doooo~” He lilted, worming his fingers under my arms, between my neck and shoulder, and any other ticklish creases I created with my defensive posture. I was still screeching as Finn appeared in the doorway.

“Don't worry, Casper, I'll save you!” His bare, webbed feet made a sound like a duck running as he charged Avery, who whirled on him before Finnegan had a chance to try anything, easily scooping the triton into his arms and nuzzling into him.

“EEEEEHEhehehee!” Finn laughed, his fingers squishing Avery’s soft head as the cloudman kissed his neck.

“And they say chivalry is dead,” Avery tittered, taking a seat on the sofa beside me, Finn still in his arms. “Will you please let me finish your physical, brave warrior? I'm almost done, I promise... I just need to check your belly, now.”

Finn sighed dramatically, then sprawled across Avery's lap, adjusting his body such that his head rested on my thigh. I grinned down at him.

“Hi, Finny-Finn-Finn.” I swept his hair back and leaned down to kiss his forehead. The warmth of his scales was always a bit of a surprise, especially compared to Avery's chilly skin.

I was expecting Avery to go in for the kill, but as I watched him methodically inspect Finn's abdomen, I realized he was conducting a legitimate physical. He gently pressed and palpated the softer scales of his belly as he used his free arm to keep the merman’s squirmy legs still. Finn giggled, and I couldn't blame him; I'd been on the receiving end of plenty of physicals from Avery, too, and I knew those fingers tickled no matter how professional he tried to be. In the back of my mind, I knew it was likely a conflict of interest for Avery to treat us… but since he was the only doctor in Port Oleander – and more importantly, one of the few on land who could treat merfolk – I supposed an exception had been permitted.

“Does any of this hurt, Finn? Has your belly been hurting at all, lately?”

“N-no, it's not hurting. Uhm… my belly hurt last night, after dinner, though…” He admitted.

I frowned, unable to recall him saying anything about a stomach ache. Last night had been my turn to cook. I wasn't a great cook to begin with, and admittedly… it was difficult to prepare meals that both Finnegan and Avery could eat; the elemental couldn't digest any food that was too dry, and Finn’s rainbow trout biology was primarily carnivorous. Soups, stews, and curries were common in our house – dinner last night had been red curry with chicken.

“What kind of hurt? Was it stabbing, dull, hot, achy…?” Avery asked, concerned.

“Hot, especially when I was laying down in bed.” Finn looked away from me. Avery and I exchanged a glance.

“I'm sorry, Finn… I probably made it too spicy. I won't make that again. Why didn't you say anything? I would've gotten you some medicine to help you feel better.” I stroked Finn's hair back again, my face etched with guilt. Now that I was thinking back to the previous night, he had seemed more quiet than usual… but I had been too tired to comment on it, chalking it up to him being tired, too. I kicked myself; Finn was never tired. The only time the triton lacked energy was in the five – maybe ten – minutes wherein he would go from bouncing off the walls to being dead asleep. Had I been more observant, I would've realized that.

Finnegan's eyes were serious as he looked back at me, an expression that seemed foreign on his gamine face. He looked away again, though, as he started to speak.

“It's just… you've been working so hard this week, Caspy, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings or make you worry about me.”

I couldn't bring myself to meet Avery's eyes again as an arrow of regret pierced my heart. I really had been disconnected from them all week.

“Finn… nothing is more important to me than you and Avery, okay? I’m sorry I've been so busy this week, I should've paid more attention to how you were feeling. Please don't suffer in silence again, okay? If your tummy hurts – or anything hurts – please promise you'll tell us from now on.”

Finn's tail swished uncomfortably… but he managed a smile, looking up at me again.

“Okay, I'll tell you from now on… I promise.” He shifted his gaze to Avery, whose hands were still resting on his scaly belly. “Am I done, now?”

It occured to me then that the part of the physical Finnegan disliked wasn't the tickling, it was staying still. Avery's concerned expression relaxed; a rainbow after a storm.

“Yes! You're a very healthy fish, Finn. Just keep remembering to soak in the tub at least once a day when you can't go swimming, so your gills stay healthy and your scales don't dry out.”

“Okay!” He was already off the couch, stretching his arms over his head and swishing his tail, as if laying across our laps for ten minutes had made him stiff. I shook my head, grinning. “I'll go for a swim right now, actually! Love you, Caspy! Love you, Avery! Bye, bye, bye, bye!” Each ‘bye’ grew progressively quieter as he descended the stairs, tail thumping clumsily the whole way down.

Once he was out of earshot, I looked down at my hands.

“I feel so bad… he got sick because of me, and he didn't even say anything.”

Avery shifted, pulling me into his arms again. I rested against his soft, cool body.

“He got a bit of a tummy ache from eating something too spicy, not an incurable disease, hehe. You won't make that dish again, and he'll tell you next time something doesn't agree with him. No need to worry yourself sick, okay? Life is unpredictable and stressful, sometimes… but we're your family, Casper. We understand.”

I snuggled against Avery's side as he held me, my throat constricting as he said the last few words. He looked down at me, and then I felt my favorite little tickle under my chin, coaxing me to look at him.

“Now… I believe I need to tend to my other patient, hm? Why don't we start your weekend with a little physical therapy on those shoulders? I swear, you're wound up tighter than an eight day clock.” He brought me up with him as he stood, strong arms carrying me bridal-style in the direction of the bedroom, giving me no room to protest.

Not that I would have. My fingertips fiddled with the collar of his shirt, the ghost of a coy smile dancing across my lips.

“Alright, doctor… but you'll have to let me return the favor, afterwards. After all, I've got a whole week's worth of lost time to make up for. Think you can handle that much…?”

The shade of cerulean that rose in his cheeks told me he caught my meaning, and I watched his wisp of surprise turn into a bashful giggle.

“Can't wait, dewdrop.”

[charles-leclerc-official]

2024 China Grand Prix Race Analysis

Here is my full analysis of the 2024 Chinese Grand prix. I already covered the sprint in a separate post here.

The important thing to keep in mind about this weekend is that the Chinese track was a very unique surface. It caused a lot of unusual grip problems for many of the top teams. I think as a whole that this race saw some outlier results as far as car behavior goes.

Table of Contents Stake - Zhou - Valtteri Ferrari - Start - Charles: his race, vs Lando - Carlos - Data Analysis Mclaren - Lando - Oscar - Data Analysis Penalties - Logan - Kevin - Daniel - Lance VCARB Aston Martin Red Bull - Checo Final Thoughts

Stake

Zhou

I usually start these with Ferrari. However this is a special occasion. So we are starting the analysis by celebrating Zhou and his performance this weekend.

This was the first Chinese Grand Prix in Formula 1 history with a Chinese driver racing on track. Zhou Guanyu made history and considering the car he's in he gave a good performance for the home crowd. Between qualifying 10th in the sprint, making some pretty good overtakes during the race, and carrying his team after Valtteri's DNF it was a pretty good weekend all around.

It was so nice to see all of the home support for Zhou. He was given an honorary spot at parc fermé after the race, and I am so glad they did something special to highlight this moment for him and the country he is representing in F1.

Zhou driving this weekend really was the highlight. This was only ever going to happen once in F1. Glad I was here to see it.

Valtteri unfortunately suffered a power unit failure and had to retire from the race. No damage to the car. This did bring out the yellow flag and a VSC. And when the marshals were unable to roll the car off the track quickly enough it upgraded to a full safety car(don’t worry we will be coming back to this)

He was looking pretty good in the car until that point, actually getting close to the points. I think we might see Stake in the points this year if they ever get their pit stops under control.

Ferrari

Ferrari's race was probably the weakest for the team so far this season. It wasn't really a surprise though. The cooler temperatures and inconsistent track surface were not ideal for the SF24.

Charles started in P6 and finished P4, Carlos started P7 and finished P5.

I do consider this not to be indicative of any downward trend for Ferrari. It was pretty predictable and it did not reveal any issues in the SF-24 we weren't already aware of (tyre warming)

Ferrari did say that they sacrificed more in qualifying in favor of a better race setup. And I don't think this was necessarily a bad idea. It's impossible to say if a different setup might have put them higher and if they have been able to defend with that setup. Going for a more race focused setup and relying on the better tyre deg to be able to allow for overtaking is a pretty good plan, especially if they didn't think they could get much more out of qualifying.

This did mean that we got to see some proper overtakes in the SF-24 from Charles and that is something we just haven't seen a lot of this season so far. So seeing how it handles in that regard was good.

So the big question is, why did Ferrari suddenly end up behind a Mclaren when Ferrari have been easily beating them all season?

Well there are a few factors:

- Ferrari struggled this weekend with grip and failed to find the best balance in the car to maximize top speeds. They did sacrifice some downforce in favor of speed during the race but I don't think it was enough. It didn't do enough to help the top speeds and it sacrificed grip so we ended up a weird middle ground that didn't optimize either problem. This track surface really made it so hard to figure out the right direction for setup.

- Mclaren(Lando) were stronger than expected. Lando was really the one pulling performance out of that car.

I will point out some key areas on this in the data analysis section as well.

Race Start

The most notable thing about Ferrari’s race was the start, when Carlos compromised his and Charles’ start by attacking right into turn 1. This forced Charles to have to defend(something he should not have to do right off the race start from his own teammate who started behind) and this resulted in them both immediately losing a place to Russell. This was a place they both had to fight to make up.

Again, this kind of thing isn’t good when compromising the results for the whole team is the result.

Footage Analysis

Just so we are clear about who is responsible for the loss of placement I want to show the footage from this start. This is from Carlos' driver cam footage as it most clearly shows what happened.

Charles starts P6 with Carlos behind him in P7. George is behind them in P8.

Into turn 1 Charles has the inside line, very clearly. Carlos has the outside line into the turn, this is fine. Charles is also clearly ahead.

Carlos pushes inside more, putting pressure on Charles. Notice how much closer Carlos got and how much space he left on the outside(another vulnerability he left open)

Charles pushes Carlos back(to defend which he has to do if attacked especially into a crowded corner like that a the race start)

Charles then took full position in front of Carlos, and this allowed George to slip past both of them on the inside line.

Because Carlos forced Charles to defend George was able to take that inside line that Charles had and passed both of them, dropping Charles and Carlos down a place.

Charles cannot defend both the outside and inside line on his own. He defended against the car that put pressure on him first. His teammate should not be the main one he has to defend team track position against.

Carlos compromised Charles' ability to defend position against George(which is the priority, he's on a rival team that is more important than racing between teammates)

Again if he is attacked Charles has to defend, why would he give up the place to the teammate he was faster than? Nothing would have happened if Carlos hadn’t pulled this move. Charles would have kept George behind and they might have been able to overtake earlier in the race and gain one more position, because they lost a full position to George this early they had to take that back before they could make progress climbing further up the field.

Carlos

This was Carlos' weakest performance so far this year. He compromised the race start for himself and Ferrari causing them both to lose placement immediately. Then he was unable to overtake. The only real overtakes he's pulled off were on cars with seriously compromised brakes.

He struggled with grip and tyres more than Charles. They both had issues in this area but it was more noticeable in his performance.

Charles finished 10.36 seconds ahead of his teammate who was directly behind him in the final 13 laps this race. And that gap can be explained by the fact Carlos was stuck behind Fernando for more laps(as well as a pit stop), however once he got into clean air he did not make up any time at all, his pace didn’t gain on Charles at all with the clean air. A gap in pace that big between teammates is concerning(at least for Carlos) It may be due to his personal choice of setup, or tyre management, or grip in the track. Given that he had more issues with grip on this track I am thinking that was a factor. He lost most of his time on turns 1, 5, 7, 8, and 10.

Edit: also Carlos did pit under normal conditions while Charles pitted under the safety car, this saved Charles some time(aprox 7-8 seconds), however the main point stands that Carlos did not make any progress closing the gap between them.

Charles

Charles' overtakes climbing up the field really saved Ferrari's race. Starting off by losing a position he climbed up places pulling some really clean overtakes and also helping his teammate through.

It was great to see him doing some overtaking in this car, he hasn't been in the position to do much of that due to track position etc in previous races. SF-24 looked good on that front in his hands.

Charles mentioned the lack of speed on straights, and this is due to the fact he wasn't able to gain on Lando in those sections(when he should have) this is due to the less than optimal downforce balance Ferrari went with this weekend(again I don't this is anything terribly concerning, this was a hard track to get that right on)

Overall Charles ran a really good race, obviously not the results he wanted but he extremely optimistic about the upgrades and that they will address some of the current limitations of the SF-24.

Data Analysis

I want to compare Charles and Lando's pace to highlight where Mclaren had the edge on Ferrari in this race. Charles was the fastest Ferrari this weekend and Lando was the fastest Mclaren.

First here is a breakdown of the fastest lap both driver's set.

Lando's straight line speed was really a big factor in keeping him ahead. That plus the fact he was consistently strong in sector 2.

And here is a look at the overall race pace between the two.

Ignore the mess in the middle, that curve is just correcting a slope for the outlier laps due to yellow flag and safety car conditions. It's not important here.

Lando had the edge on Charles almost the entire race. Until the end on the old hards.

What is important is that Lando had the pace on the new hards. Charles didn’t have the time to catch Lando once he managed to gain the places. He probably would have without the yellow flags and if track placement was better. The point being that Ferrari’s pace was off this weekend but it wasn’t as bad as it looked on track, there were other factors at play.

I think this result was a combination of a sub-optimal setup for this track on Ferrari's part on top of the fact this wasn't Ferrari’s strongest track, and Mclaren getting things right for Lando. Also some fairly solid driving from Lando.

Now I want to compare Charles' and Carlos' fastest laps and pace. This was the biggest gap in performance we've seen so far this year between the two Ferraris. Some of that I will attribute to the fact this track was weird as far as track surface goes, but such a big difference between teammates like this means it wasn't just the car or the track surface. While both were not great with grip or setup this weekend one outperformed the other by a decent margin.

Here is a look at Charles' and Carlos' fastest laps.

Charles having better straight line speed consistently and putting in a strong sector three is what put him ahead of Carlos and kept him there for the entire race.

Now here is the full race pace.

Again remember to ignore the weird lines in the middle that is just the graphing tool not able to create a good slope for all the safety car laps.

But you can see that Charles' pace was better the entire race, on both the medium and the hard tyres.

I don't think there was a lot more to get out of this weekend for Ferrari. It's possible managing the pits a little differently would have gotten Charles up to third but with the yellow flag chaos It was really difficult to gauge in real time when the best time to pit was. I think the pit management was good. We can look back and go "oh we could have gained a place here" So I have no issues there.

Hopefully that clears up some questions about Ferrari's overall race and car performance this weekend.

Overall this was still decent points for the constructors’ and we saw some good racing from Charles. I do fully believe we will be seeing Ferrari come back stronger in Miami.

Mclaren

Why was Mclaren, specifically Lando, so strong this weekend?

Well it's unclear.

They have had the clear #3 car so far this season. So I think that it's a combination of this not being a strong track for Ferrari and some conditions that favored their car that put them ahead.

No one, not even Mclaren expected this so I really think it seems like it comes down to this track being better for them than expected and Lando specifically being tuned into the track. Like after practice Lando was not feeling confident(his words) and the team were also not making any promises. I don’t think they were sandbagging, I think this genuinely all came together for them. 

Now it’s clear that Lando would have finished P3 behind Checo if it were not for the luck/strategy(a little of both they timed that well, but also had to get lucky with Red Bull timing) with the pits. Red Bull lost track position to Lando when they pitted Checo and they were unable to take it back. If Red Bull had timed their stop better Lando would have been P3 because his pace was not going to catch Checo if he was ahead.

So the P2 is due to some good driving on Lando’s part and Red Bull giving up track position and failing to recover it.

Oscar struggled more on this track. However he wasn't far outside where we've seen him in other races and for Mclaren in general. So he wasn’t under-performing, Lando was over performing. I also want to note that Oscar was slightly damaged during the crash between Lance and Dani, Dani's front wing tapped the rear of his car and there may have been a small amount of damage, important to note as he may have been compromised on pace due to this.

Data Analysis

Comparison of Lando and Checo’s pace

The first half of the race isn’t as important, the graph is very odd in the middle due to all of the outlier laps caused by the yellow flags, so that is not important. What I want to point out is that Lando was on the same pace as Checo(or slightly better) for those first 6 laps after the race started again when all the yellow flags were done, but after that Checo was faster until the end of the race. Not enough to catch Lando, but enough that Lando would not have been able to pass him if he hadn’t had track position.

Now here is a quick look at Lando and Oscar's pace.

There isn't a ton to dissect here, Lando was faster the entire race, by a pretty big margin on the hards especially. Given that a lot of drivers this race had issues managing deg on the hards I think that second stint gap really came down to tyre management, an area where Oscar is still improving.

Here is a look at their fastest laps to really see where Lando was making those bigger gains and where Oscar was struggling.

One thing that I find interesting is that Oscar's fastest lap had a section of DRS, Lando's didn't and Lando was still a full second faster. Just a really solid lap from Lando all around. His strength in sector 2 is what really gave him an edge all race.

Overall this was Mclaren’s best finish, but their strongest weekend overall so far this season is still Australia(because both drivers had a strong finish not just one)

Penalties and Incidents

Welcome to the “everyone gets a penalty!” section of the analysis. This was a mess to unravel. After reviewing the footage and reading the stewards judgements as well as the driver and teams statements I have come to a lot of the same conclusions as the stewards. 

The middle of this race was a mess. One yellow flag had just ended before another had to be brought out again. 

There were two yellow flags this race, the first after Valtteri DNF'ed and the second due to multiple incidents right after the end of the first yellow flag. 

My biggest critique is that the VSC was deployed weirdly late. They seemed about 10 to 20 seconds off in calling for one, and that is concerning. A driver on the side of the track is at risk, so it’s important to make sure a race is slowed immediately.

Logan: overtook under safety car conditions after the VSC was enacted when Valtteri’s power unit failed. Nico was coming out of the pitlane as Logan was coming down the straight, Nico managed to barely exit in front of Logan, but Logan’s faster momentum into turn 1 put him ahead of Nico, and thus he overtook under a yellow flag. Time penalty and license points is an appropriate penalty. I have no idea why his team didn’t get him to slow down more. They said they missed Nico, which I really don't know how. Lack of track observation. This was a failure of the team as much as it was sloppy on Logan's part. I think he would have slowed more had the team actually noticed this sooner.

Kevin: Kevin made contact with Yuki going out of turn 6 right after the race restart. He broke late and made contact with Yuki’s rear wheel and this led to a tyre puncture. Yuki had to retire from the race. Kevin was clearly at fault here, he failed to brake when catching Yuki.

Daniel: Dani was penalized for overtaking under a yellow flag and a safety car. He did this deliberately because Nico took a place from him and he thought it was okay to take that spot back. However he should have waited for the race to resume under green light conditions before doing that. He knows better. What happened with Nico is a little murky as far as why he took a position and why he did not get penalized. I think it's because it was right before the safety car but the FIA reporting on that isn't clear.

Lance: At turn 14 Lance rear ended Daniel after the first safety car had ended they were waiting on Max to restart the race. Max was leading the race and setting the pace until proper racing speeds could resume. Lance is at fault here, it’s that simple. This was seriously negligent driving on his part. I really have no idea what he was doing but no competent driver does this. I will agree with Oscar in the sentiment that everyone was crowded together, only one person crashed into another car in that scenario. 

“Yes, but not everyone decided to crash into each other.” - Oscar 

Lance argued that it was the concertina effect, and said the stewards should account for that. This is a weak argument at best. The concertina effect is to describe car behavior on track, it isn’t an excuse. Going into a corner a driver who is supposedly one of the best in the world should know how to account for that effect. The fact is that he was going too fast into that corner and not paying attention to the car in front of him.  

Furthermore his lack of accountability and attempts to blame everyone but himself for the incident is not a good look. He is very clearly in the wrong here. I think that the penalty he received might be on the gentle side of things as well. Personally I would have liked to see a 20 second time penalty for that, or a grid penalty. 

I agree with Dani’s statement that Lance should have only been paying attention to the car in front of him. He clearly wasn’t doing that, or at least not well enough. He appears to be looking at Max and Oscar waiting for Max to restart the race. But that is not where he should have been looking. Additionally Dani pointed out that Lance’s speed there was too much, he put half his car under Dani, that’s not the concertina effect, that is going too fast. 

Dani of course is heated, and I feel that for him, he DNF'ed because of the carelessness of another driver through no real fault of his own. I don’t think continuing to argue is good on either side, but he has every right to be mad, especially when the offending driver refuses to admit his fault. Two DNFs in a row is hard for any driver. Lance really cost him a lot. 

This isn’t just sloppy driving on Lance’s part, it's outright negligent.

VCARB

Quick note about VCARB. Dani was on track for his best performance all year this weekend. Which makes the DNF all the more upsetting. Yuki struggled with this track all weekend, seems he was not feeling this track or that car. I will say his performance seems like an anomaly compared with the rest of his season so far so I don’t think it’s cause for concern for future races. 

VCARB as a team were obviously the worst off this weekend with both driver’s DNF'ing at no fault of their own.

Aston Martin

I already covered Lance, so I want to just quickly mention that Fernando was on fire this weekend. He was defending, and had that car in places it really had no business being. His recovery from the close spin, the defending, the overtakes. He really is just continuing to show his skill and experience, and he overall had one of the best drives of the entire race.

Red Bull

Max won the race, and it was a pretty clean race for him, which is amusing due to the utter chaos happening behind him. First time he has won at this track, so that is another track conquered by Max. Well done Max!

Sergio

Checo’s race wasn’t actually that bad. He was comfortably in P2 until Red Bull gave up track position and he wasn’t able to recover the place from Lando. I already compared the pace between those two. But I think it’s pretty clear that he would have been P2 were it not for the pits. If he has position he has the pace to keep the spot. However he does not have the same pace Max has in the RB20 to take lost positions back if the car ahead has similar pace. 

I also want to note here that there were a few corners where it was pointed out that Alpine and Williams were outperforming Ferrari on. However taking a look at the data it wasn’t just Ferrari. Pierre was literally faster than Max in that corner consistently. What this tells me is that something about the unusual grip of this track was not suited to any of the fastest cars. So it’s not a Ferrari problem, or a Red Bull problem, it’s just highlighting an unusual quirk of the track that no one really figured out this weekend.

Here is a fastest lap comparison of Pierre and Max. Obviously Max is the best driver in the best car, so I think this just highlights my point about certain corners especially turns 1, 2, and 3. There was something off there that gave the edge to some midfield cars are far as grip goes. All top cars struggled for speed on those turns and I think it was due to weird track surface conditions.

Final Thoughts

This was the most chaotic race of the season. Hopefully we have a penalty free race next time.

See you when I return with Miami GP analysis!

[jazlynriddle]

Welcome to your life - Pt 3:

It's My Own Design Ch 1:

Summary:

Ominis fought to control his expression, to keep his hands from trembling. Five years. Five years since he'd seen his parents, and this. This was the reason they'd given him the honour of their time? This was the reason they'd sought him out at Hogwarts?

The bitterness welling up within him was thick enough to gag on.

New year, new allies, new responsibilities, new avenues of revenue, and new aspects of their own Ancient Magic to explore. As the Keeper and their partners enter their last year at Hogwarts, it remains to be seen if the new school year will bring with it new problems or adversaries, but they are confident in the strength of their relationship with Sebastian and Ominis. The three of them would endure, no matter what befell them.

And if they were wrong?

What a joke, they would suffer no alternative.

Warnings: Sebastian x MC x Ominis! Drug Addiction! Spoilers! Slow-burn corruption! Dark content! Fucked up 1800s orphanages! MC has no love for Anne or Solomon! Dubious happy ending (it's happy for MC, Seb and Ominis at least).

You can also read on AO3! (chapter specific warnings below)

Notes:

Whoo! Part Three here we go! This prologuey chapter is a, pretty short but hopefully good, opening into the third major arc, and our kids’ last year at Hogwarts! Part One and Two were mostly character building and establishing dynamics. This part Three, is where I'll begin setting up more plot-heavy things for the intense fourth and final major arc. That last arc is gonna be crazy =D (Also, first smut scene is Chapter 4 and it's rather BDSM flavoured)

I will, however, be changing my upload schedule to once every two weeks, because as much as I love writing this, once a week is starting to chafe, especially since I've been writing longer and longer chapters x’)

I've literally been spending every free moment writing, and I miss actually playing games, I haven't even had time to play Tears of the Kingdom despite having it since it launched- TvT

Plus, my beta and beloved boyfriend has been running himself ragged trying to keep up with my pace and I feel really bad about that, so I wanna give him more breathing room-

So, the next upload will be the same day, same time, every second Sat noon PST, just like, skipping one weekend upload. Basically alternating my upload day, hope you don't mind! ><

Now, without further ado, let the curtains rise on our Third Act!

A soft pop echoed through the Elves’ Quarters, as Tibsy appeared in the doorway, just a few metres away from the small wooden desk that Tynx was seated at, logging the resources spent for the day in his report journal.

“Tibsy, how's Master's guests?” Tynx greeted without turning around as the young elf made her way through the room's lower floor, dwarfed by the two large trays of empty cutlery in her arms.

Her small shoes tapped softly against the brown brick floor of the lower half of the room, shuffling past the ladder that led up to the upper portion where their small beds were placed, with curtains that they could draw around the beds for a semblance of privacy. She carefully weaved her way through the space between two small, comfortable beige armchairs and a quaint wooden tea-table, past two cabinets placed against the wall, also made from wood, as well as Tynx's desk, and into the elves’ small sized kitchen.

She then bypassed the short cast iron wood stove, that was placed against the wall and used for cooking as well as warming, along with a long stone counter in the middle of the room that was used both for preparing ingredients as well as serving as their dining table. Before passing another three wood cabinets, one containing kitchen tools, another for storing seasonings, herbs, and spices, and the third for raw ingredients, as well as several wooden barrels of grains and such.

Finally, she stopped by the sink and set down the two trays in the sink with a sigh.

“Tibsy is seeing Brown-hair still coughing blood.” Tibsy replied after a moment, snapping her fingers, and making the soapy sponge begin scrubbing the dirty dishes. “But he is eating the foods Tibsy is bringing him.”

“That's good, Sir Ominis did say he'd continue coughing for a while because he isn't healing the boy regularly.” Tynx nodded absently, rifling through his desk drawer, and withdrawing a sheet of parchment.

He'd been recording the boy's recovery progress over the last month, for the Master's partner, and he quickly jotted down Tibsy's report as she shuffled over to his desk.

“What is it, Tibsy?” Tynx asked after a moment, seeing her shift nervously as she stood silently beside him. “Did one of them try to hurt you again?”

“...no, Tibsy is-” She wrung her hands anxiously. “Tibsy is... being not sure how to feel.”

Tynx set down his quill and turned to sit sideways in his chair, facing her. “About what?”

“Master's guests... lady guest was hurt a lot, and Tibsy knows Black-hair's fingers was being cut for trying to hurt Tibsy... but..." Tibsy trailed off, pausing for a few moments, before continuing. “Is it really okay for Master to be hurting peoples?”

Tynx sighed, now that he thought about it, he supposed it should have been expected. Tibsy's old master was a kindly old lady, she wasn't used to seeing injured humans.

“Tibsy.” Tynx began, raising his hands. “My old master cut off three of my fingers with his carving knife. One for leaving a crease in his shirt, another because his tea was too hot and the third for giving his daughter food while he was punishing her.”

Tynx lowered his hands to his lap solemnly. “Our master is not a nice person, but they are nice to us, they take care of us, and they defend us. They don't hurt us, and they don't make us hurt others. Anything else Master does is not for us to judge.”

Tibsy stared at the gaps between his remaining fingers with wide eyes for a few moments, before nodding silently.

“If it helps, I think these people are Master's guests because they all hurt Master before.” Tynx added and Tibsy's eyes widened. “I don't know if it will always be like that, but we should just be glad it's not us in there.”

“Our master gave us an actual space in their home to live in, rather than something temporary, like an expansion charmed barrel. They gave us the money and freedom to design and decorate our living space to our size and comfort, even before building their own.” Tynx smiled wryly and Tibsy's eyes skimmed over their warm and comfortable home.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Our life here is good, better than with most masters, try to focus on that.”

“...okay.” Tibsy nodded firmly.

Tynx smiled, relieved that she understood, it would hurt if their Master killed her for doing something stupid like trying to free a guest. Their Master was a good master, but not a nice or kind person and he knew from their eyes that they wouldn't hesitate to execute their servants for disloyalty or betrayal.

“Good.” Tynx glanced at the clock on his desk. “Now, you should probably go feed Master's snakes, we'll need to welcome them back from school in a few hours.”

“Oh, yes! Tibsy will go catch small fishys for snakeys!” Tibsy's expression brightened and Tynx nodded approvingly as she bounced to the side, grabbed a bucket from under the sink and popped away.

The young elf did seem to like the job of caring for their Master's pets. Perhaps he'd take over duties directly involving the Master's guests to make things easier for her. Tynx thought to himself as he returned to writing his report, he would need to finish logging everything before their master returned to Feldcroft in the evening.

At least he could report that the foundations were ready to be built upon as they'd hoped. Anything that kept their Master happy and satisfied with them was good.

“Gotcha!” Tibsy exclaimed, snapping her fingers, and levitating a small flopping fish from the clear lake water.

With a swish of her fingers, the fish floated through the air, and was dropped into her water filled bucket. Or, at least that was supposed to happen, but as the fish flailed and thrashed violently, its tail hit the rim of the bucket and the fish propelled itself to the side, landing on the floor outside the bucket instead.

“Oh no, fishy! You're supposed to go into the bucket!” Tibsy shuffled over quickly, trying to scoop the fish from the floor with her hands.

The fish, however, was having none of that, and struggled relentlessly to flop to freedom. Tibsy pursued the slippery thing for a few minutes, grabbing for it repeatedly, until finally she managed to catch the small fish securely in her hands.

“There!” Tibsy gave an exasperated sigh, eyeing the fish critically. “Why'd fishy have to struggle so much?”

As she heard her own words, Tibsy paused. Of course, because the fishy didn't want to die. She stared at the thrashing fish. After all, she was about to feed it to Master's pets. The weight of her own actions, the weekly chore that she hadn't put much thought into before, was suddenly feeling uncomfortable in her hands.

“But... if fishy doesn’t die, Master's snakeys will die.” Tibsy bit her lip, thinking of the cute two-headed snake that she had been taking care of for the last few months.

The funny way they wiggled around and the greeting hisses they'd give her when she visited them in her free time. Sir Ominis was very nice and helped her talk with them a few times and she thought the twins were really sweet, she couldn't imagine making them starve for a fish she didn't know.

If Tibsy could speak with this fishy, maybe Tibsy might choose the fishy over the snakeys.

But that wasn't the case now, was it?

It was the snakes that she cared about more. And so, she would sacrifice the fish for the snakes, consigning the fish to a painful death.

Tibsy dropped the fish into the bucket solemnly. Such a simple yet heavy action, now that she was thinking about it.

As Tibsy collected the bucket and apparated back to the castle's greenhouses, she wondered if her master faced similar decisions.

She wondered if their guests were fishes.

“Welcome home, Master.”

Tibsy followed Tynx's bow, as the Keeper and their partners entered the Feldcroft cottage.

“Tynx, Tibsy.” The Master's voice was even as always, their expression stoic as ever, and Tibsy found herself scrutinising their face as she and Tynx straightened from their bow. “Your report?”

Tibsy stood silently behind Tynx as he began to give his usual report, watching the Keeper curiously, while their partners began to unpack their luggage. The Keeper's expression didn't change as Tynx spoke, summarising the elves’ progress with the castle and the condition of their guests, before handing the Keeper several pages from his journal, which they tucked away in their pocket.

“The two of you can begin preparations for building the castle. Sebastian and I will join you tomorrow to begin work on it if the weather is favourable.” The Keeper instructed, before surprising Tibsy with a small smile. “Well done, both of you.”

“Thank you, Master.” Tynx replied smoothly, bowing once again and Tibsy hastened to follow.

“T- thank yous, Master!” She squeaked, dropping into a bow as well, the Master's words making her feel warm inside.

She was a little surprised that the Keeper had praised her as well, considering that they normally spent more time instructing and discussing with Tynx, since Tynx was more capable, and did all the planning while she just did her best to follow instructions and not break something again. It did mean that she sometimes felt a little lost though.

“Oh, and Tynx, about the bulbs, how much did we get for those?" The Keeper's attention quickly returned to him.

Tynx checked his notes for a moment before replying. “Just enough to cover the cost of the list of tools you specified. The owner of Slug and Jigger's Apothecary paid a total of..."

“Tibsy.” She blinked as the master's blind partner approached her from the side.

“Yes, Sir Ominis?” Tibsy asked, turning to him at attention.

Ominis gave her a kind smile. “I wanted to ask how the girls are doing.”

“Oh, Sir Ominis’ snakeys are doing good! Tibsy fed them a small fishy before coming to greet masters!” She nodded eagerly. “Snakeys have a little bump of food inside now!”

“Thank you, Tibsy.” Ominis smiled, and Tibsy was surprised when he reached a hand forward and petted her softly on the head. “For taking care of them for us.”

His hand was big, warm, and gentle, and Tibsy felt that warmth inside again. Tynx was right, life was good here, with masters that were nice to her and made her feel happy.

All she had to do was follow instructions.

Notes:

The elves in Hogwarts apparently live in barrels with expansion charms on them, I think it's kinda cool and also kinda oof. House elves are apparently preserved food. I feel like Tynx who was disposable with his last master, would value having a real physical space that says “hey, I don't plan on getting rid of you in a disposable expanded garbage bag”.

I also wanted to touch on how, despite me pushing for the whole “hey, Ominis, if you want to change something and have the power to, but tell yourself that you're helpless so you don’t feel guilty for not taking the risk, that's just being wilfully ignorant. I understand that you were genuinely helpless when younger so it's very very understandable to have this issue but you gotta at least try, now that you're not helpless and alone anymore”, which he has been doing, even in the original game, going after Sebastian in the catacombs, even though he gave up halfway, and I love him for trying even though it was hard.

Despite that stance, I also think that, if a person is (or was) genuinely helpless and powerless to change something, if they can’t escape their circumstances, they shouldn't feel shame or guilt, they should just focus on being as happy as possible, recovering and coping.

I hate victim blaming and often people underestimate the sheer amount of strength required to cling to some semblance of sanity under abuse. Victims of abuse are victims because of that strength. Sick freaks target these strong people because the fuckers know these victims won't break under their fist.

So, in Tibsy's situation, where she physically cannot disobey orders due to binding magic, where she can potentially be killed for disloyalty, I believe that she should not feel bad for what the Keeper is doing.

[alpinelogy]

📔 <- couldn't find the right emoji but I would very much like to hear about what's cooking in ye olde writer's brain!

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about. (I am slowly getting through these adfsg <3, just last minute Christmas shopping and writing out each takes a decent amount of time)

Hello and let me introduce you to an entire AU, for which the latest instalment that I opened a doc for started cause of a livery so I think it fits with you being the unofficial home of livery watch.

Anyway, the premise is a rather simple magic AU, very close to how our real world functions except small magic can occur here and there. People can cast mostly harmless spells, curses are abound, but otherwise the magic has very little impact on day to day life. Tho mildly important that some people have more affinity for magic than others, with kids especially being sensitive to magic more and becoming less sensitive as they grow up.

Got two fics set in this universe that keep rotating in my head, both under the cut adsfghj. Ships are Galex and Pierresteban for those who wanna know if they wanna invest in reading my rambling, once again I have never been brief about anything

The first time this came to me was way back in Jeddah weekend where every single Williams driver, junior or actually Alex and Logan, had the most ass weekend imaginable. The premise was that Lia asked an offhand question if Jeddah is the worst track on her calendar when they were recording for Team Torque, Alex said yes, but because she is young and does not have the proper control over her magic, she accidentally placed a curse on the team. And because Alex is the one who responded to that comment, the curse decided to curse the entire team, from the most junior (Lia) to the most senior (Alex).

Enter a series of hijinks where Alex is very aware that something is wrong, but too bad at magic to actually figure it out, Logan and the juniors are in misery, and the entire weekend is shit. Oh and George is just vibing in Mercedes. He is actually the guy who figures out that there is a curse on Williams, he is not part of Williams anymore so the curse missed him, but he is still close enough to the Williams team to immediately figure out somethings up and he is less dense at magic than Alex is and puts two and two together rather quickly.

They never actually manage to undo the curse until after the weekend, though it disappears after the race. Only then Alex actually realizes what happened even though he has been racking his brain about it since George caught onto the curse on Thursday or Friday.

This would've been a rather silly series of unfortunate events at heart, with a little bit of light hearted Alex torture. Nothing too serious just a deep sigh why are we here just to suffer sort of torture. A comedy of errors, this is the only tangible bit that I have written. one day I might return to this, tho idk since this feels like a fic that should be written and posted closer to the race than almost a year later yk? Asdfgh

This would be roughly the tone of the entire fic. Just silly hijinks all around :3c

The second fic set in the same universe, or at least one with the same vague magic going on would be a Pierresteban vaguely Brazil exorcism but actually much more than that!! Sparked by the all pink livery Alpine ran for the last few races.

The premise is that Australia 2023 when they totalled the pink cars something got messed up and cursed. Magic is finnicky like that. Initially, it was not too bad, Baku 2023 happened but then Esteban podiumed in Monaco so maybe its fine and Baku was just bad luck and stupidity.

Then Pierre gets his Spa sprint P3, nice, good work, but during summer break Charles starts ringing the alarm bells that something is fishy. But then even tho Charles has kept his touch on magic since he was a little kid unlike most people, Charles has been a bit of a doomposter about Alpine since the very beginning and the only reason he likes them is cause its better than AlphaTauri.

Anyway after summer break '23 is when it starts crumbling. Pierre gets his Zandvoort P3, but also they're running an interim TP yeah okay maybe something is off. Not like he will reconvene with Esteban though about it, nu uh. The rest of the season is as usual and it goes downhill from there, Pierre has to admit that Charles was right okay fine yeah he had a point.

Over the winter break Alpine reconvenes and they all conclude that the car is cursed. Their camo pink teasing and then the ass livery? An attempt to lift the curse. The two different but very similar liveries? A second backup attempt. Hiring Flavio? Sure as hell an attempt to break the curse oh no nevermind backpedal guys backpedal Flavio was a bad idea. Bringing in Oakes as a TP? You guessed it, also an attempt at fixing it. So are all their special liveries and suits and everything else they did over the '24 season.

The crux of the issue is that no one realizes that the curse is as old as Australia '23, most pinpoint it to somewhere around summer '23 cause thats when it was really starting to become tangible. But no one including Pierre and Esteban actually realize it that what created the curse was the totalling the two pink cars.

Anyway Brazil lifts the curse, at least seemingly temporarily, and somewhere along the lines someone realizes that the only correct way to fully banish the curse for good is to run a pink car for the rest of the season. Totalled the pink cars at the end of race 3 of the '23 season and DNFed, double podiumed the fourth to last race of the '24 season and ran the rest of the season with pink cars. Parallels yk.

Also somewhere along the lines Pierre and Esteban slowly start fixing their friendship. My personal interpretation of the beef if that Pierre perpetuates it, probably started it, thinks about it more, so that it also has to be him to make the first step to fixing it, thats why he is always the POV character in my Pierresteban lmao. So yeah, vague mostly pre-relationship Pierresteban that over the course of the fic slowly fix their relationship cause of the curse they accidentally created and placed on the car together.

I would actually like to write this one and hopefully I will because to me this is also my attempt at yet another Pierresteban exorcism. I just need to figure them out and then the floodgates will open trust.

Oh and, post credits scene is Alpine fucking it up again because they fired Esteban before Abu Dhabi. Oh you stupid ass team why do I support you...

So thats my little magic AU I rotate in my head in my spare time. Curses and shenanigans abound, mostly silly comedy of errors and bad teammate relationships, everyone gets a little curse if you're not careful enough. Except Charles. Charles has somehow managed to do the opposite. Lucky guy.

Also George can in this AU absolutely manifest the most randomass shit. Every time the dash jokes about his manifestation powers such as Austria '24 or Baku '24? Or even the whole teammates with his hero bit? Good old manifestation powers in this AU. Like I said, very silly but so much fun to me

[hardtofindeggs]

Cease and Desist Pt.1

❀ pairing: professor!levi ackerman x chancellor!f!reader

❀ genre: enemies(ish) to lovers, slow burn

❀ cw: light swearing, high tension situations (???), alcohol consumption, slight angst, fluff, jealousy, mutual pining (but levi is hopeless)

❀ summary: levi ackerman has been a professor at acadia hills university™ for almost 6 years now. levi ackerman has also had his eyes on you - the chancellor of this university - for 6 years now. he hasn't allowed himself to get too close to you, despite it being hard since your social circles are nearly identical. what'll happen now that he can't avoid you as much as he'd like? now that he's too close to you?

❀ parts: pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3 -> pt.4 -> pt.5

"We create our own thorns, and never stop to count the cost. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it. Belief doesn't rest on proof or existence... it rests on faith... without faith there is nothing," Levi slams the book shut, observing as the students in his classroom scribble down notes and take pictures of the large boards behind him (most twirl their stationery between their fingers), before he takes in a shallow breath then resumes speaking: "Alright, ladies and gentlemen. Over the course of your long awaited weekend, I want you all to revise the past 2 chapters thoroughly. I expect no less than an A on all of your papers next week."

He shoots a warning glare in the direction of two of his more troublesome pupils: Connie Springer and Sasha Braus. "Am I understood?" he watches as his classroom scrambles to snap their attention back to their strict teacher.

"Yes, professor," his students drawl out. Levi gives his classroom one last once over before giving them a satisfactory nod. "Good. Now, have a great weekend, the lot of you."

Small whoops and relaxed sighs are heard among the chatter of friends arranging outings, study groups and figuring out dinner plans. Levi smiles to himself shortly before he continues to watch them all leave, nodding goodbye to the kind freshmen that wish their professor a good weekend.

As the last of his students leave the lecture hall, Levi takes a seat behind his desk and starts grading the last four homework assignments he has. The time is 5:37 pm. By the time he finishes, the time is 6:56 pm. Taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose, Levi breathes out a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. Bad habit. Levi gets up, pushes his chair back and stretches, twisting to the left and then the right - cracking his back.

Levi starts piling supplies into his worn pencil case, listing all the things he should have as he goes along: both pens, correction tape. His train of thought is rudely cut off by the sound of rapid knocking on his door. He's all too familiar with this routine.

"Hange. Leave. Me. Alone," he says in a stern and loud voice. Loud enough for the eccentric Dean of Science to hear. Ignoring him, she bursts in with arms wide, already attempting to get into Levi's good graces.

"Oh come onnn, Leviiiii!", she drawls out while smiling cheesily, an arm slung around him while she pokes incessantly at Levi's cheek, already making the man roll his eyes dramatically. He pushes Hange's hand away and begins to lead her out of the door.

"No, Hange," he refuses to hear her out.

"Jeez, I haven't even spoken yet!" she turns to face him, "21 Bounce Street. That's the bar we're headed to if, God forbid, you change your stubborn old mind." Her sarcasm was the thin rope that kept their friendship together. Mind, it was a rope that continued to wear.

Unfazed, Levi retorts, "Hilarious. But I have better things to do with my time." He checks his watch in a conspicuous gesture of irritation.

"Like what? Practise being sad and lonely?" Hange continues to taunt him. Levi decided silence is the best medicine for a case of Hange. Eventually, she sighs and swats him away. "Whatever, princess. We'll be there if you change your mind."

Levi walks down the halls and turns left to exit the building. The slightly open door to the Chancellor's office catches his eye, and he subconsciously slows down. What was he doing? Surely it would be absurd to knock? To disturb you and your work would be absurd, right? What did he even want anyway? Truly, nothing came to mind. You two barely talk, for goodness' sake! He doesn't even know why he's debating this right now. This is stupid. He should just walk away and get into his car. He has no reason to -

"Excuse me, Chancellor Y/L/N. May I come in?" Levi waits outside the door for your reply. What am I doing? "Yes, you may," your voice calls out from inside. Levi continues to stand outside for a short few seconds before he steps foot into your office. Clean, ebony desk. Folders stored away in numerous cabinets behind you. This was certainly your office.

"Ah, Professor Ackerman! I thought it was going to be you. I still struggle to recognise voices through that unnecessarily thick door," you attempt to joke, a polite smile spread on your face, yet all Levi can manage to give back is a curt nod, if that. He stares at you, a neutral expression on his face as he awaits your permission to continue speaking. You clear your throat and begin organising papers, throwing them into your drawer and ask, "Excuse me. Tell me, how may I be of assistance, Professor?" You look up from the papers in your hands to lock eyes with the stoic man before you.

"I, just - nothing. Sorry, your door was open a touch and I was curious to know whether or not you were in or simply forgetful. As per, of course," his eyes flit around the room before meeting yours. You can't tell if he's being snide or sincere.

"You forget yourself, Professor Ackerman," you scoff before continuing, "I didn't plan on staying too long, which is why I kept the door open. A reminder to leave, if you will," you hint at your desire for him to leave, jerking no reaction from the professor.

"The time is 7:31 pm, Chancellor," he comments.

"And?" you quirk your brow, amused at his arrogance.

"I heard your friends would be at the bar is all. Thought you'd be entertained by simple activities as such." You searched his face, but nothing. Not a single clue to what he was feeling.

"Professor, if there is nothing more I can answer for you, ..." you pointed your open palm towards the door.

"I asked if you will be at the bar, Chancellor."

"For your information, you didn't. You made some incoherent statements about my friends' plans and expected me to give a response. Why are you even here, Professor Ackerman?"

He stands dumbfounded, pondering the question as he stares at the frame on your desk: an old photograph of you and Hange, arms slung around one another, cracking up laughing. Of course, Levi knows this photograph. An exact copy sits in the living room of your eccentric friend's house, with all the other pictures she's gathered over the years. Finally breaking the silence, Levi speaks, "You ought to close your door, Chancellor. Somebody could steal that frame of yours," he adjusts the strap on his bag and takes out his car keys before he turns around to walk out of your creaked door.

A soft exhale exits your nose as you shake your head, "Goodnight, Professor. Do close the door on your way out. I wouldn't want to get ransacked, now, would I?" you comment sarcastically.

Out of the door, he turns to face the side of it. He swiftly wipes his finger along its edge, collecting dust. Much to your disbelief, he pulls out a white handkerchief and cleans a small patch. "Certainly, Chancellor," the click of your closing door echoes throughout the hall. You listen to the paced sound of his frustrated footsteps getting further and further away. He was gone for tonight.

[starkraivennemad]

What's Said And What's Heard

They didn't know it yet - it was their last minutes being alone…

First came the hurt…

"Mummy! What in heavens name could possibly have given you thought of such a connection?" Mycroft Holmes scoffed at the very thought. "He and I? That's utterly preposterous!" "Excuse me?"  It was not so much the words spoken, but how they were delivered that caused Greg to lash out. "Oh yes, completely ludicrous. What a pauper can't look at a prince? I can help with that.  Maman? Let's go!" Greg glad they had arrived at the booth but had not sat. He grabbed his mother's hand. "Gregory!" "Lestrade." "Greg, wait." Mycroft, Sherlock and his mother called out. Greg ignored the latter two to face a stricken looking Mycroft about to speak. "Don't bother, Holmes." Greg had hidden his feelings from the intimidating man for over a year because of this very fear. I’m not good enough. Hearing it confirmed in words stung. They stung deeply. He’ll never be mine… "Greg!" His mother tried. "Mère, no." Were he not upset and already turned away, he would have noticed her surprised face at being addressed formally, something he only does when he is very upset, as he gently, but decidedly pulled her at her hand. We’re leaving.

Followed by the embarrassment…

"Gregory Michael Lestrade, that is ENOUGH! Unhand me now, young man!" Giselle Lestrade thundered once they were out of the restaurant and in the car park.  He had parked near the divider wall between self-parking from one entrance and valet parking from the other side. Whoa! Haven't heard THAT tone since… Academy? He immediately released his hold on her. He had not realized how tight was his grip until she shook her hand. Shite! What are you doing, Greg! "Maman, I… I am so sorry!" He tried to reach for her hand, but she snatched it away. "I don't want to hear it, Gregory. You are lucky we were such a nice place, and I did not want there to be cause of a bigger scene than what was already happening. What is going on in that thick gob of yours?" Fuck it all! This weekend had gone so great, now it's ruined! Head down in shame, Greg ran a rough had through his silver hair, setting it awry. "I can't." "The way you just manhandled me? Boy, you better try!" Greg winced at her words and shook his head. Giselle Lestrade raised her son to fear no one. Then again, his mother had not come against the likes of one Mycroft Holmes. How could he explain someone like Mycroft Holmes? He was an uber intelligent man who suffered no fools. Mycroft will claim he occupied a minor office in the British government and had the documentation to prove it, but after nearly a decade of knowing - Greg certainly knew better. There was nothing minor about Mycroft's true occupation as a global political player of such immense power the world is better in not knowing existed. Mycroft can bring monarchs and presidents to heel with raised brow. Calculating and ruthless, Mycroft was a man willing to make the hard decisions no one else could and execute them for the sake of Crown and Country. He was also a man of droll, yet cutting wit who loved his parents who did not always seem to understand him. Adores his not-exactly-a-baby brother who lives to give him grief at every turn as only a little brother can. The man who publicly scorned sentiment and romantic entangles with a motto of caring is not an advantage. The man whose plentiful condemnations were as cutting as his rare compliments  Tall, posh with legs for eons in his three-piece bespoke, pocket watch wearing suit of a man he was madly, but secretly in love with. The man who emphasized the preposterousness of that love ever being reciprocated moments ago. The man I just walked away from. "You wouldn't understand, Mère." Greg sighed as he leaned against his car. "Would it have anything to do with how deeply paupers love princes?" she asked softly. Greg knew by the question his mother had gleaned the answer. Of course, she knows. She the only person who can read me better than Mycroft. And she heard what he said… She leaned beside him against the car. “When did my brave copper of a son become a coward of the heart, hmm?” She was about to say more when voices were heard on the other side of the wall.

But then the surprise…

"Idiot boy! I'm not asking why you haven't told him. I'm sure you've concocted a hundred reasons why not. I'm asking how you, you who sees everyone and everything, have not seen it for yourself?!" Violet Holmes fussed. "Believe me, Mummy. He has excelled at hiding his feelings - even from himself." Sherlock drawled. Oh, HE’s one to talk! "Oh, don't you dare! Pot/Kettle, little brother, Pot/Kettle." "Oh, don't you dare try to change the focus, Mikey." Violet chastised. "And Liam hush! I'll get back to you your doctor fellow another time, don't speak out of hand again." "Yes, Mummy." Sherlock demurred. So, I'm not the only son to completely ruin Mother's Day brunch. Nice to know the Holmes Boys get taken to task by their mum too. “This is about Mikey being intimidated by Greg.” Violet continued. What? Greg looked at his mother and knew by her look of surprise he had not misheard. Mycroft intimidated by me? I am the one who is intimidated! “Oh, I am sure my brother has unconsciously tried his best to intimidate Greg.” Sherlock scoffed. “Are you aware, Mummy, that Lestrade and John are the only people outside the immediate family not cowed by his Iceman glare? I’m sure he’s tried to ward him off with his trademark Caring Is Not an Advantage lark – Ow! You kicked me!” Only because Greg had to stop himself from laughing out loud did it occur to him; he was listening in on their conversation. And I definitely should not be. Best to go before my feeling are hurt even more. “I did say stop speaking out of turn.” Violet huffed, “Besides, Mikey is correct, caring is NOT an advantage…” “Thank you, Mummy.” Mycroft said smugly. “Don’t thank me. I raised you to be wary of the pitfalls of love, yes, but not to disdain it altogether. Since when are you such a coward?” Without even looking at her, Greg saw the smug look on his mother’s face. He was not really cognizant of having moved until he had turned the corner.

Succeeded by the confession…

“Disadvantage or not - didn’t stop you from falling in love with me or I you, did it?” “Gregory!” Mycroft spun around at the sound of Greg’s voice behind him. Greg will treasure the day he caused surprised looks on not one, not two, but all three of the Holmes geniuses. “Maman was giving me the well-deserved what for too.”  Hands in his trouser pockets and blushing profusely, Greg tilted his head towards Giselle who joined him. “Sherlock, I know you can charm when you want to. Do it now and please take our mother’s back inside for brunch. Your brother and I will be in shortly.” “I will…” Whatever nonsense was about to fall from Sherlock’s lips evaporated as four sets of eyes glared at him. “I will do my best.” “You better.” Greg gave him no quarter, blithely ignoring the scowl from Sherlock, and the raised eyebrows from the mothers and the three returned to the restaurant.  “Sorry for listening in… I…”. “No, before you say another word let me speak, please.” Mycroft approached Greg. “You walked off before I could explain. The preposterousness of out being together was because I never imagined some like you would ever have interest in someone like me. It was NEVER that I have not sincerely wished for such between us. Mummy saw how much it devastated me to realize I had accidentally hurt you and why.” “And I thought someone like you would never be interested in someone like me. Your words, the way I took them sealed it. Maman saw how much I was hurt by you and why.” Greg smiled at his mother, then at Violet. “Nice to know you can’t hide from your Mum any more than I from mine.” “I’m beginning to see neither mother raised cowards, just two blind idiots.” Greg smiled gently. “But I think we’re both seeing clearly now – yes?” “Quite so.” Mycroft returned the smile.

Adding in the touch…

Eyes locked on each other; Greg realized it took Mycroft a moment for it register his hand was being gently tugged. Mycroft looked down to see Greg’s strong fingers slowly grasping to hold his. He and Mycroft have shaken hands countless of times.  This was the first time ever they have touched. “You…. You are the first person in YEARS, outside of family or physicians, to touch me…” Mycroft exhaled in wonder. “And to be blunt – you’re… oh sod this!”

With the kiss…

Greg is not sure what surprised him more. Mycroft using such a phrase as Sod this(!) or the kiss suddenly planted on his lips. Okay, he lied – the kiss absolutely was the bigger surprise. Oh, but a much, MUCH more welcome one! “Hello…” Mycroft was quite pink about the ears when they came up for air. “Hey yourself” Greg could not have wiped the smile from his face had his life depended on it. “I feel behooved to inform you that was seen not only by the valet, but at least two security cameras and…” Mycroft pulled out his buzzing phone without looking. “Oh?” Greg grinned was plastered in place as he spied the nearest camera and waved. “Tell Anthea she can give me The Talk on Tuesday.” “Why Tuesday?” Mycroft asked surprised. “Today IS Mothers’ Day and I don’t know about you, but I’m damn sure not telling Maman to fend for herself until she heads back tomorrow .” Greg headed back inside the restaurant. ”So, Anthea will have to wait until Tuesday.” “I do not say this often, Gregory, but I’m not following.” Greg turned around in time to appreciate Mycroft’s sardonic eyeroll in acknowledgement that he was in fact currently following Greg into the restaurant.

Concluding with, the promise…

“You want to tell your mother you abandoned her on Mother’s Day to get railed by your VERY soon-to-be lover? Because once I get your in bed tomorrow, Mycroft Holmes, we’re not getting out of it before Tuesday.” Greg winked. Greg grinned as Mycroft stumbled nearly going offline again. Whoa! Got Mycroft to short-circuit twice in one day! “Follow me now, love?” “Yes, I follow, love.”

…Before the rest of their lives together.

-----------------------------

Comment on AO3

@calaisreno @MayPrompts2024

#MayPrompts2024 - Prompt 9: Intimidate, Prompt 14: Eavesdrop

[mudhamster]

CHWHWN: 11. December " ? "

It was shortly before eight. Nothing had happened all day. No message, no peep from Kacchan. The weekend was over, school went on… but today… for the first time there was a sudden stop in communication, all progress, everything.

Was today the day where it ends? The thought felt bad. Izuku had had bad feelings often and long enough, his tolerance was practically non-existent. He didn't want to feel bad. He would rather pull the splinter out now than suffer for a long time. So he goes upstairs. And … knocks. On Kacchan's door. To his surprise, the door opens shortly after he knocks, and he almost misses his cue to grin. "What - Deku?" "H-hey." "You okay?" You …. what …. ? Badum badum. What a question!? In the silence of the hallway, surrounded by nothing but darkness, aside from the light flooding out of Kacchan's room from behind him, this question echoed inside him. "I… I was worried," he got right to the point, clenching his fingers. "Not unusual." Would Kacchan invite him in? Would he let himself be invited in? He had not prepared any topics to talk about! And today, there would be talk, right? Could he- "Is that what this is about?" Before he could reply, Kacchan had reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Izukuh blinked open-mouthed at the note, then up into neutral red eyes. Kacchan watched him. "Yes." "I read it." "OH, o-okay," his sweaty fingers found their way into his sweater pocket and began to wrestle with each other, "But you don't want to get what it says." Otherwise, he would have told him what it said sometime today. Kacchan had read it, but hat ultimately decided, to not pursue this calendar stunt any longer. In the next room, Kaminari roared, then something banged against the door. He and Kirishima were probably playing Gamecube. Kacchan still looked at him, but the hallway was too dark for him to focus on anything else. Instead, he lowered his eyes and took a small step back. "It's okay - it… I wasn't really thinking about all that when I gave it to you. Somehow, in some small part, I even expected you to reject it. The whole calendar," he shrugged, "But the week was fun." Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Kacchan's hand, the one holding the note, slipping back into a deep, soft pocket, then Katsuki leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, waiting. When Izuku realized that Kacchan was waiting - WAITING - for him to finish his thoughts, he began to spiral miserably. Why would he wait for Izuku do start his ramble? WHY didn't he just go in? Why so modest? Why so nice - why not throw the door shut and leave Izuku standing there like always? His tongue moved, producing speech, words, although he couldn't even say what he was thinking! "And um, it was fun, wasn't it?" he stammered, not knowing what else to say, "I don't mean the joke, but… us? That we can chat so much? And - and, uh, how are your hands? I haven't even asked if you liked it? The massa-" "If I hadn't liked it, I would have thrown you off the balcony," was the simple answer and Izuku fell more in love than ever with the soft scratching of Kacchan's voice in the silence of the hallway, "before you could have fled like a hen in roosterseason." His heart acted as if he had loaded it with too much Black Whip and now had to suffer the consequences. His mouth did what it wanted, his feet stayed still even though he was screaming at himself to get back. And his hands? A moist clump in his sweater. He resembled the incarnation of a teenager who had spent weeks working up the courage to confess. Damn it. Izuku had to leave. Right now. "Sorry." His back arched out of sheer habit and he bowed to his childhood friend before he knew what he was doing. What the flip. He had probably reached the top of the creepy&awkward scale. "Deku what the fuck," the words were accompanied by a breezy laugh, and he jerked his head up to see what Kacchan looked like. (Apart from gorgeous)

He watched him with a shake of his head and uncrossed his arms to tap his pocket with the note. "I didn't say I didn't want it." Omgomgomgomg- "But I don't need it right now." "What is it?" Izuku blurted out, holding his breath as if his life depended on this answer. Partly, it did. "My secret for now." Izuku couldn't breathe. Katsuki was so … so soft. So normal and human and neutral plus borderline amused…! "Okay," he choked, remembering that it was okay to breathe, "Does that mean," he gestured stupidly with his hand knot in his pocket towards Kacchan's room, "that you'll - we will continue tomorrow?" "Sure."' "Wha- o-okay!!?" If emotions were visible, a monstrous wave of relief would have risen up the stairs, washed over Izuku and maybe dragged him down again if he was lucky. But that wasn't the case and he had to walk alone. Upright, with dignity. "Okay," he repeated, taking a breath, and then a much too wide, probably much too ugly grin crept onto his face. But he was able to free his hands, so he covered his mouth with one and waved goodbye with the other before turning on his heel and making no secret of the fact that he was fleeing again. He was terribly excited, but damn it, he had just made a fool of himself! He peeked back over his shoulder and found Kacchan still standing in the doorway, casually waving back at him. His heart stopped at the same time as one of his feet, and Kacchan was the last thing he saw before he crashed loudly down the dorm stairs.

[pinehutch]

Thinking about how being the person you want to be requires — at least for me — conscious, deliberate practice, and sitting with discomfort, and dialoguing with that discomfort, and sometimes actively pursuing the discomfort —

And how I don't seem to have the kind of internal measurement apparatus that tells me when the discomfort is constructive and generative vs when it's destructive and unsustainable —

And how these two things, taken together, are implicated in so many of the times of Big Suffering Feelings for me.

There's an answer to this that probably rests in what I've been seeking anyway: healthy, intrinsic self-esteem, and the belief that I'm as deserving as anyone else just because I exist as I am. But then again, one of the things that I know I value is the ability to self-determine (to the extent we can). Like, my luxury gay space communism utopia is one in which we (collectively) have organized so that we (individually) are supported in the fulfilment of ourselves and what we can give to the world.

I want to feel okay with who I am and like it's okay to want to be someone a little different. I suspect this is actually very possible for 'normal people,' whatever those are, but the thing about executive dysfunction is that motivation machine broke.

It's so rare for me to want something in a way that feels like going towards, instead of moving away from. I want to succeed at this in order to appease that; I want to submerge myself in something to avoid the pain of something else. When I want something for itself, for the joy and delight it brings to me, it's frightening both in terms of that vulnerability and in terms of what achieving it would mean. How disruptive it would be.

I'm in a bad spot this weekend, because Operation Gradually Increase Activity appears to have backfired and I'm mostly immobilized with a knee issue. It's a beautiful Saturday in late summer and I'd quite frankly I'd like to be eradicated, immolated, utterly removed and replanted, because I've spent most of 2023 feeling ashamed of how I tried to take (force?) an Anais-Nin-risk-of-blossom when the soil conditions weren't right and it seems like that ruined what needed to be tended.

I've felt amused, delighted, tender, touched, flattered, loving this year, but the last time I remember feeling happy was, I don't know, two months ago? Maybe more? It lasted for about half an hour, and I fell asleep.

In a notebook, I have a two-page spread laid out with different dimensions of my life, and what I'd like them to look like, and when, and the degree to which each of them is substantially different from what my life currently looks like is something I haven't shared with anyone. None of them are about having, all of them are about living and doing but really, it's about creating the conditions in which I know I tend to feel happy.

I know that all of this means I should be getting back on the gratitude practice wagon, that I should be taking more hot girl walks (when I can, uh, walk again), that I need to resume the doing of happiness. The awful thing about adulthood, at least for me, at least since age 35, has been that there is never enough resilience* rebuilt before the next thing falls apart. The next grief, the next disaster, the next loss, the next impossible task. I assume we all live this way, and I just happen to be bad at navigating it.

Thank god there are still words, though. The word machine is not broke, it is a vintage model and the motor turns over every single time I turn it back on, eventually. Thank god we can sing about our calamities; it doesn't erase them, but at least it makes music.

[fandomshatewomen]

The fandom of Interview with a vampire made me really uncomfortable. They are peak of sexism in this, they don't really care about Claudia in a disgusting way and their hate for the Mayfair witches show made me think this fandom is rooting of sexism, like most slash fandom. Claudia was victim of rape, they are so obsess with their two boys in love, they just yell atany critics an they saythis show is about queer people. even in the book, Claudia didn't have this storyline. But because there are 2 hot men in love, we should give it a pass? I'm glad they hired more black actor, but there is a problem with Claudia's plot. Also, they are hating on Mayfair witches, because it's not gay enough and boring. I feel the main critics about MW should be how they threat black people. And even if MW was about gay women, they'd find another reason to hate this show bc they only want gay men I'm a bit tired of the m/m fandom and they are very oppressive toward minority and women. I'm just not over Claudia's plot and the indifference of the fandom. Sorry for mistaking I'm learning to write.

Hey don't worry about your English and I do appreciate that you're on anon. I haven't kept up with Mayfair Witches because of family problems but I did notice that at least from the one youtuber's review that MW might alienate the slash fandom of IWTV.

I'll try to get caught up with MW this weekend and delve into the tags if time to get some examples of this.

I do agree with you that the Claudia aged up storyline didn't need the rape/sexual assault. I think in particular Claudia and Louis never suffered in the movie and the books when they were white as they do when their black in these modern adaptations. So that's definitely anti black racism.

Like I will say that as a teen I was kinda at the mercy of my mom taking me to the library since it was across town and I really only read the vampire chronicles because by the time I got interested in MW I had found out what a shitty person Anne Rice was to her fans (suiing them for fanfiction and such). But like the first episode of MW definitely didn't need to kill off Rowan's adopted mom like that so soon.

Even though I haven't caught up you can leave spoilers in the asks I don't mind. I just might not answer until I've caught up. But also feel free to send in URLs or screenshots of fandom antiblackness or misogynoir or sexism!

mod ali

[linguenuvolose]

2024 goals - February progress

January was much more of a productive month goals wise and I feel like I had more of a calm then. February felt eternal. I am hoping that now when March is here and spring truly is in the air that it's gonna help with stuff. We'll see.

Get back into a reading routine

I finally finished reading The years by Annie Ernaux this month! I liked it but it suffered from what a lot of the books I read do, that is I read them for so long that I loose the full experience of it, which is a shame. After that I started reading Orlando by Virginia Woolf and I'm really enjoying it! I haven't read at all in like a week though, I don't know why but I would like to get back to it! I have not been doing the thing I was talking about last month of forcing myself to read on public transport. Maybe I should.

Meet friends at least once a month

I've been quite good at it this month too! It has been nice also because others have been reaching out to me so I feel wanted and not like it's only me reaching out to others. I have been feeling a bit though that I'm prioritizing hanging out with my boyfriend instead of others but honestly I don't mind a lot. I was feeling a bit stressed last month about having so much going on every weekend so I feel like this month I've been a bit better at not planning too much stuff.

Do the damn exercises for my back :(

I still don't really do my exercises but I've kept going to my salsa class (skipped one week though because I was feeling like shit). I like the class but I don't know that I want to sign up for the second part of it. I'm a bit torn. Maybe I should search around for other classes, I would like something a bit more workouty. The salsa is so much technique, I don't feel like I'm getting a workout you know? But in any case I really really should do my back exercises. Even just getting into the habit of doing one set of one of them would be better than doing none.

Get better at Portuguese

I've kept listening and adding a bit to my Portuguese indie playlist. I think I did a tiny bit of Busuu and watched some videos too but honestly not enough. I've spoken a little bit with my boyfriend too and I more and more respond small things in Portuguese to him, but not near close enough to improve. In two weeks or so they open the applications for the fall uni courses and I might sign up for a Portuguese one. Idk it's tricky because I want to learn and of course it would be useful when his family comes to visit or if we travel to Portugal/Brazil but there's not much of an urgency in my learning.

Get my license

I have not had a single lesson this month... I did book three for March though and my boyfriend will do a course next week so I can drive with him. I also realized I can study theory for free and most libraries here so I think a goal for March would be to at least once go to the library closest to my job and do an hour or so of studying one day after work.

Get back into the habit of going on walks

I've gone on some walks but not a lot. As I said last month, it's probably more of a spring thing than anything else but now spring is really in the air so that's exciting!

Go to the theatre more (youth discount my beloved) and also to some museums!

I still haven't done this unfortunately. I would really like to but idk, between work and everything else I just don't. I've kept doing other culture things though so that's something!

Improve my sleeping schedule

I haven't been super great at this, but I do more often feel tired in the evening I think.

[useless-bi-otch]

Cookies'n Cream - Chapter 29

Last chapter / MasterList / art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 29 - Family Interrogation

.

Friday, lunchtime, at Yamashita Trading Co.

"What the hell, Kazuo! What do you mean I violated association rules?!"

When Rihito showed up at Kazuo's office to address the matter of his employees' licenses, which meant missing out on a good portion of what could have been the start of a productive weekend, he didn't expect to find anyone but him and Kaede there. He'd hoped they could sort this out in fifteen minutes, half an hour at the most.

Who he didn't expect to meet was another businessman affiliated with the Kengan Association. More specifically, the businessman who hired the fighter Komada had defeated in his last match. And he only understood why the man was smiling like a smug bastard after Kazuo had explained the situation.

"Rihito, I tried to warn you," The old man sighed heavily. "I called you, I sent text messages, I even went after your friends to ask them to pass the message on to you. But you took too long, and now we have this problem..."

"I didn't know the licenses had already expired! I figured I still had some more time before I had to worry about that!," Rihito argued, slamming his hands on the desk. "It wasn't on purpose, damn it!"

"Yes, but when you own a company, you can't leave these issues aside. You can't just ignore them…," The smug businessman shows a document. "It could be the end of you, after all."

Rihito grabs the paper and reads: denouncement note. Kazuo looked a bit defeated.

"If this gets back to Mr. Nogi, you will definitely be out of the association as a CEO," he continues. "You might even be punished as a fighter. Unless…," the idiot picks up the paper, making a nerve-racking condescending pose. "You give up your position and hand over your company to me. Then you will resign and go back to being a lowly fighter."

"No fucking way!," Rihito yells at him, grinding his teeth. "I know this was my fault and I have to pay for that mistake, but the fridge is mine! And my employees depend on the income too!"

"Rihito, calm down-"

"Don't ask me to calm down, Kazuo! That fridge was a fucking wreck when Mr. Nogi appointed me as the new owner, but Ivan, Komada and I got it back on track! I'm not going to give it up, and neither are they!," He growls, pointing at the businessman. "There has to be another way to solve this!"

"Well, if you don't want to negotiate, I'll report you to Mr. Nogi-"

"Gentlemen, please," Kaede adjusts her glasses. "Mr. Yamashita is trying to speak."

"Th-thanks, Miss Akiyama… One moment, please, I'm looking at the regulation…," Kazuo looks at a paper. "Yeah… it doesn't say anything that you're going to gain anything from this complaint, Mr. Gojiro. Reports are anonymous. But the prize for the last Kengan match will have to be canceled-" 

"And he won't face any punishment for his irregularity!?"

"I haven't finished yet," Kazuo adjusts his glasses, seriously. "He's going to have to deliver the prize from the last dispute back to the association. Furthermore, he could lose the company if he refuses to participate in another match, this time for the Association insignia. Oh, and he has to pay a fine of one hundred and thirty-five million yen."

"WHAT?!," Rihito screeched, almost falling backwards with the shock. "One hundred and thirty-five million?! But that's the equivalent of my company's value, damn it!"

“It's fair value, considering the nature of the offense committed," Kaede adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose. “And the fact that Mr. Gojiro was hindered by your lapse."

"I know, I know! Aargh...," He ruffled his own hair, eyes closed as if he was suffering from a migraine. "I'll pay the fine then. But that's not enough, is it? If I'm going to have to fight to keep my insignia and my business..."

"Well, there's still the Kengan match. Against a representative that the Association chooses," Kazuo explains. "And you, Mr. Gojiro, will be paid with the prize of the match you lost, regardless of the result of this one."

"Eh, at least I didn't lose out," Gojiro snorted. "But I'll be there just to see you lose and go bankrupt. That will be satisfying to see."

“Rihito…,” Kaede calls out in a warning tone as Rihito's face reddens with anger, his fists shaking. He grits his teeth and again points to the rival businessman.

"Relax, Kaede, I'm not stupid to the point of making my situation worse. And you better not hold your breath, Goji or whatever it's your name," He grunts, taking a couple of steps closer, but that was enough for the other to realize the difference in height, and how large his foe was. "Because you won't even see the color of SF Cold Storage's facade. You can bet your ass on that."

Gojiro gets a little intimidated, but he knew he had the advantage.

"We'll see about that. With that fine and you bankrupt, no one can stop me from buying your company. It's going to be out of business, you and your employees."

"Please, you two, calm down," Kazuo asks, a little alarmed, when he sees the two men growling at each other. "Fights between association members result in a serious penalty. You know that, don't you?"

"Grunf… yeah, I know," Rihito straightens up, staring at the other man from above, his green eyes sparkling. "Relax, I know where and with whom I need to throw hands, Kazzy. And it's good that he's going to be there watching, then he'll see with his own eyes why they call me 'Superman'," He looks menacingly at the other manager. "When will this Kengan match be?"

 

* * *

Present time

"Damn it, Rihito," Himuro massages his face, shocked. "How do you manage to hit your quota of stupid shit like that? At this rate you'll be employee of the month!"

"Fuck you, Himuro! I never wanted things to get to this point..."

"If you didn't want to, you should've resolved that issue as soon as Mr. Yamashita mentioned it, all those weeks ago!," Kaneda scolds, pointing indignantly at his friend, while the three walked towards the nearest train station. "That's what happens when you keep putting off appointments, you see? Now it's back to bite you in the ass!"

"I know, you don't have to keep throwing that in my face! Argh...," Rihito rubs his face with both hands, tired. "Anyway, it was in the middle of finalizing the process that Agito appeared in the office. Kazuo and Kaede explained it to him. And that's when I decided it was a good idea to call you two so we could take him to Okubo's place. A way to distract myself..."

“Yeah, and I'm sure you'd keep it from us if he hadn't talked. Damn, I don't even know what miracle prevented Agito from opening his mouth when it was just the six of us at the karaoke!," Himuro sighs. "Now it's no use… when were you going to tell us anyway?!"

Rihito takes a while to respond, staring ahead with a frown on his face, and that was enough for Kaneda to start drawing conclusions.

"You weren't going to tell us, were you? Damn, Rihito..."

"I was going to! ... Just not with Okubo and Tomori around," He justifies himself, shrugging.

"We can understand you not wanting Tomori to listen," Himuro waves with his hand. "But Okubo? He's as involved in this as we are. And I hate to admit it, but he can help you more than we can. Thirteen million yen... I'm speechless, let me tell ya..."

"I wasn't going to borrow money from Egghead! Are you crazy?!," Rihito exclaims, sounding insulted. Kaneda shakes his head.

"Okubo is many things, but a penny-pincher is not one of them. He would gladly lend that money to you and let you pay it back in your time..."

"I know, Kaneda, that's not the problem," He sighs tiredly.​ "Okubo is already up to his neck in this thing of being in danger of losing his chick because of his involvement with the association. I don't want to put yet another problem in that smooth head of his... I can sort my own things out.”

"Okay, that's noble of you, but at the moment you can't afford to be noble, bro," Himuro gestures in frustration. "It could've been before and resolved the license thing, but look what a situation you got yourself into! An absolute delight, isn't it?!"

"Don't be a pain, Himuro...," Rihito didn't seem to have the courage to even threaten to beat his friend up. He had managed to disguise it throughout the day, to put on a mask of calmness and have fun with them all, but now, he looked exhausted. "There's nothing else to do about that. I will fight to keep my insignia and the fridge. I always found it easier to solve things that way, so I think it's the best I could hope for."

"If you say so… who is your opponent?," Kaneda asks.

"I don't know yet, it will be a freelance fighter chosen by the association. I bet they'll pick the toughest motherfucker they can, just to screw me over..."

"For your own good, let's pray it's not Ohma."

"Shut up, Kaneda!"

"Nope, you deserve it," Kaneda snorted through his nose. "Anyway, if we can, we'll find a way to be there."

Rihito turns to them, his weary, surly expression softening a bit.

"Really?"

"Of course! What are we to you, huh?," Himuro grunts. "Dude, I'm still pissed at the thirteen million debt as if I were the debtor. Fuck, I need to smoke..."

"Oh, a thousand apologies for my big-ass debt being such a pain in your ass," Rihito mutters sarcastically, and then he pouts. "But thanks anyway, guys... Ivan and Komada will be there, but you wanting it too means a lot... no homo though.”

"Stop it, c'mon," Kaneda rolls his eyes. "That's what friends do, right? You'd do the same for us."

"I'd kinda call in some favors later- I'm kidding, calm down!," He exclaims when Himuro and Kaneda threaten him with their fists. "But yeah, I'd do that. Thanks, I'm going to need it..."

"Lucky for you, we're almost at the station," Himuro snorted, after giving a half smile. "Because otherwise I would light my cigarette just to puff some smoke in your face."

"And I'd break yours in retribution!,” Rihito snorted back, and it was a relief to hear some of the playful tone return to his voice. "Anyway, I'll keep you guys updated."

"Fine, but what about Okubo?," Kaneda insists. "Are you really going to leave him in the dark?"

Rihito scratches the back of his head uncomfortably.

"I told you, he already has too much to worry about..."

"He'll be very upset if he finds out about this match, the reasons behind it and that you left him out," Kaneda warns, seriously. "Even with this situation involving Miss Uta… I mean, Tomori, he'd want to support you."

"Yeah. He might even wonder if you consider him his friend at all, with him being such an anxious wreck. At least let him know, like," He makes a call sign with his thumb and pinky. " 'Look, I have a match scheduled, if you could show up I’d appreciate it a lot!', and that's it! Problem solved!"

"Ugh... if he decides to show up and Tomori finds out and he gets dumped because of it..."

"This is for the two of them to decide, not you," Kaneda makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. "And that's what I said before, if this is an aspect of his life that she isn't able to accept, then they won't work as a couple. He can't keep running away from it, just telling her half-truths. Don't enable him, Rihito, c'mon."

Rihito ponders for a few seconds before sighing, nodding.

“Okay, I'll… I'll talk to him next time we have a night out. I'll tell him everything..."

"Good. Because you're going to need all of us to support you, and he's no exception."

Rihito nods again, and that satisfies Himuro and Kaneda for now. His intentions were noble, but this was a complicated moment that required his friends to be there for support. And if Tomori wasn't able to understand that Okubo was one of those friends, then they'd better part ways.

The thought bummed them out, but when you took the bandage off a wound quickly enough, the pain was always less intense.

 

* * *

"Hnnn... Naoh... my kitchen isn't big enough for this... ooh..."

Despite Tomori's weak protests between sighs and gasps, she wasn't making any effort to push Okubo away. She was even trapping his hips with her legs, taking advantage of the fact that he had just sat her down on the kitchen counter, kissing her neck and groping her waist over the little summer dress she was wearing. And how beautiful and hot she looked in that kind of clothes, damn…

"Hnmmm… then why am I feeling this heat so close to me?," he holds her buttocks, taking advantage of the fact that she had stretched her neck to take some very light bites. "And that good smell… appetizing like the things its owner makes."

"My god, that tongue is diabolical," She laughs low, shivering all over with the bites, her hands roaming over his back over his shirt. "Was that… oooh… was that some fantasy of yours? Doing me right where I make the food you love so much? You didn't even want to wait for us to go to my room..."

"Actually, it's not even about the food," he whispers. "It's about the adrenaline… and the pure pleasure of knowing that I can make you happy in any place, hahahaha…"

"Can you really?," She teases, leaning with her hips on the counter to be able to rub herself between his legs. And he was already getting all excited, bless his fighter stamina! "I'm not so sure… I need more solid evidence."

"That's exactly what I want to do now… you just relax and enjoy, ehehhehe…"

"Tomoooooh!!," And the scream and the ringing of the bell at the gate makes Okubo freeze in the spot, opening his eyes and turning around, surprised. But he didn't look nearly as surprised as Tomori, who jumped so hard off the counter that she would have landed on her back on the kitchen floor if he hadn't caught her.

"What the- Tatsuhiko?!," She hisses between clenched teeth, her eyes widening. "My God, what is he...!"

"Tatsu, I don't think she's home," They also hear a woman's muffled voice, on the other side of the door. "She would've already answered if she was..."

"Nah, pretty sure she is, there is a car parked in front of the gate," The man replies, pressing the bell again. "Does Hiro have a new car? Looks dope… Tomoooooh!"

"Holy shit, Saeko's with him...!," Tomori hisses again, pushing Okubo away from her a little too desperately and getting down from the counter. "Didn't they come back from Hokkaido yesterday? What a time to make a surprise visit, you big...!"

"Tatsuhiko?," he repeats, a bit flustered, letting her go. "Wait, is that your brother?"

"Yes, it's him," She nods a bit frantically, adjusting her dress and hair to look more presentable. "I told you he's a clueless doofus and sometimes shows up without warning, right? Well, now you're seeing for yourself," She mutters before taking a deep breath and exclaiming, trying to normalize her voice, "Tatsu, Saeko! Yeah, I'm home! Gimme a minute, I'm coming..."

"There, see? I told you she was home!," The man says, satisfied. "Open up, Saeko and I brought you a little gift straight from Hokkaido!"

"Yeah, I'm comin'! Naoh, I think you'd better go upstairs," She hisses at him in distress, pointing to the stairs. Okubo pouts.

"Seriously? Are you really going to hide your boyfriend as if we were two teenagers making out at your parents' house? I thought you'd want to introduce me to them..."

"I want to, but not while you have a hard-on!," And she points to his pants.

"Oh," he looks down and sighs, going upstairs while muttering, "Damn, I can't get it down at the only time where I'm allowed to… that's good, but it also sucks…"

Tomori holds back the urge to laugh, saying softly, "I'll make it up to you later, I promise. I'll give you a signal when you can come down."

And she runs out to answer the door. Okubo stands around in the hallway, ears pricked. If they for some reason decided to go upstairs, he could sneak into her room. He had regained the privilege of going in there when she wasn't there, which was a big help in that kind of situation.

Downstairs, in the corridor that separated the entrance hall from the living room, Tomori unlocks the gate and opens the door, smiling with a certain weariness at her brother and sister-in-law, who were approaching along the stone path.

"Hey. If you'd come earlier, you wouldn't have found me at home. I arrived about fifteen minutes ago..."

"See how intuitive your brother is? It's like a super power," Tatsuhiko jokes, poking his own temple. He was a man in his early thirties, taller and slimmer than his sister, and his hair was straighter and darker. But behind the prescription glasses, you could see that he had the same warm brown eyes as hers. "So, are you going to invite us in or would you rather have your little gift at the door?"

"Uuh… of course, come in," She makes room for them, scratching the back of her neck a little. But I’ll let you know… I’m not alone-"

"Yeah, we deduced after seeing the car parked back there," Tatsu comments, a little distracted, while Saeko and he took off their shoes. "I even mentioned to Saeko that it was a dope car..."

"An SUV, not unreasonable to see on the streets of Tokyo," Saeko comments. She was a few feet taller than Tomori, with straight black hair cut short in a bob. There was a mole just below her lips, in the left corner, and Tomori had always been a little envious of that beauty mark, "Whose is it? Is it Hiro's? He loves these cars, right?"

"Yeah, but if he wants to buy one of those, he'll have to spend some time on bread and water alone, haha!," Tomori jokes, proud of herself for being able to disguise her nervousness. "But no, he's not the visitor."

"Huh? No? I know it isn't Akane, she doesn't drive…," Tatsu says, surprised. "Is it Kanami? I thought she didn't have a license here in Japan..."

"Tatsu… isn't it better to ask directly and hear the answer from her?," she caresses his arm, smiling gently. "Spit it out, Tomori. Who is your guest?"

"Hnf… yeah, okay," He shrugs, pouting, but accepting the caress. "If it's someone we know, you can even share the gift with them. We brought more than one..."

"Wow, you got me curious now. What is it?," She spies, smiling, seeing that her sister-in-law was carrying a small cardboard bag in one hand. "Oooh, I recognize the logo… did you bring those cream puffs from Kitakaro? Tatsu, Saeh, I love yoooou...," And she hugs her sister-in-law, who laughs and caresses her hair. "My guest will love it too!"

"Now you say you love me, right? You self-serving little thing," Tatsu jokes. "But seriously, we're also curious now! Who is that-"

He stops talking when he accidentally kicks off a pair of sneakers, right next to where he had left his shoes. He stares at them, a little flustered. And then his eyes widened.

"Hey… aren't these sneakers too big?"

Tomori and Saeko turn to him in surprise. And Tomori winces as she sees her brother's expression, in profile to her, go darker and darker as he inspects the  coat rack next to the door.

“And that jacket, that cap… that's not women's clothing. And not the kind of clothes that Hiro or Paikon would wear..."

He turns to her, and Tomori instinctively hugs her sister-in-law as she sees his sharp, dangerous gaze practically piercing her. Oh, fuck, here they go again...

"Tomori... is there a man here with you? One who's not your co-worker? In your house?!"

"So what, honey?," Saeko rolls her eyes, not at all impressed with his attitude. "It's not like she's a teenager, and your mother keeps telling her to find someone…"

"Yes, but that someone would first need to go through the family men's scrutiny, Saeh!," Tatsu justifies himself, indignant. "That way we can make sure if he's good enough for her or not!”

"My God, Tatsu…," Tomori groans, putting a hand over her face. "I'm perfectly capable of deciding this for myself, okay? This is no longer the Edo period..."

"It doesn't matter, it's a matter of safety!," He decrees dramatically, marching down the corridor, and Tomori and Saeko go after him. "It was like that with me and Saeko too, you know? Every self-respecting man is concerned about the honor of the women in his family, especially mothers and sisters! Where is he?"

"He's upstairs, in the bathroom..."

"Oh yeah? And what were you doing before we arrived?"

"Playing a really cool game called 'Nunya'."

"Nunya?"

"Nunya business!"

"Aargh, you little...!," He reaches out as if he wants to grab her ear, and she deftly dodges it.

"Stop being silly, Tatsuhiko! First, I know how to take care of my own honor very well," Tomori points to herself angrily. "And second, I wasn't going to introduce him to you before I was sure that things between us were working out! What if they didn't? How would I look explaining it to you later?"

"She has a point," Saeko smiles at Tatsu. "Come on, Tatsu, just relax and get ready to meet your sister's boyfriend, okay? Since we're here, right," she winks at Tomori.

"Boyfriend?!," He squeaks, getting a little pale, while Tomori nods, smiling at Saeko.

"Yes, boyfriend. Thanks, Saeh...," She accepts when Saeko offers her the bag. "Sit down, I'll prepare some tea."

"No, w-wait, Tomori!," He screeches, looking from his sister to his wife with a desperation that borders on being hilarious. "Since when do you have a boyfriend? I didn't hear anything about that!"

"It's quite recent. I've spent the last few months getting to know him better. We made it official a few days ago," She explains, a little embarrassed. He shakes his head.

"Do Mom and Dad know?"

"No, but I was already planning to tell them..."

"And why didn't you tell us before?"

She turns even redder.

"I... I was too happy and it got out of my head. Ugh, stop asking these questions, you're embarrassing me!"

"Yes, honey, you're embarrassing her. Come on, I'm thirsty. I accept the tea, Tomori. Put some sugar in it for me, please?"

"Of course! It's good that I went shopping these days and I have my stash of infusions full...," She laughs, a little too loudly. Tatsuhiko stares at her with half-closed eyes.

"Alright, and where is this boyfriend? Is he going to come down or do I have to go upstairs to get a good look at him?"

"Only if you want to meet him with his pants down. That'll surely establish some intimacy..."

"Ugh, no! Just...," He shrugs, sitting next to his wife on the biggest sofa. "Just call him downstairs, please. I want to get a good look at his face, say a few words, explain how things in the Uta family work...," He grunts, cracking his fists, and for the first time since they arrived, Tomori's smile is more genuine and decidedly more diabolical.

"Of course, it will be a pleasure…," And she exclaims to the top of the stairs. "Naoh, is everything okay up there? Do you think you can come down now?"

"Naoh...?," Tatsuhiko blinks. "She already gave him a pet name? My God..."

"Tatsu...," Saeko speaks in a warning tone.

“Oh yes, I can!,” he says from upstairs. Tatsu raises an eyebrow at the familiar voice. And he hears the sound of his footsteps coming down the stairs. "Sorry for taking so long."

And there he was, almost having to duck and turn sideways to get through the doorway, since he was so tall and wide. Saeko widens her eyes, more with his actual size than who he was.

He stops there, at the bottom of the stairs, scratching the back of his neck shyly while Tomori comes rushing from the kitchens, a little flustered.

"I- I already put the water in the kettle to boil! In the meantime...," She stops beside Okubo, playing with the laces on the bust of her dress, all flushed as she looks to the side. "Uuh... surprise?"

The couple on the couch doesn't respond. Saeko was still absorbing the enormity of the specimen before her. And Tatsuhiko had apparently forgotten his tongue's ability to form words. He opens and closes his mouth like a freshly caught fish, his eyes seeming to get huge behind the lenses of his glasses.

"Yeah… well…," Tomori holds her boyfriend's arm in a mixture of shyness and happiness. "I… I think you already know who he is, but it's still polite to introduce him… Tatsu, Saeko, this is-"

"WHAT IS OKUBO NAOYA DOING HERE IN YOUR HOUSE?!," Tatsuhiko screams, almost falling off the couch and making the other three jump in fright. "No- I mean- no, he's not Okubo Naoya! No, it's just someone very similar! Extremely similar! Almost a clone, basically! But it isn't him, it can't be...!"

"So… uuh…," Okubo looks at Tomori. "Do I have to show my documents to him? My birth certificate? My medical tests? My championship belt…?"

“Nah, just let it sink in. He's a bit slow, but he'll eventually get there," Tomori comments with a grimace as she watches her brother look at Okubo as if he were a ghost.

"Yes, that's the biggest look-alike I've ever seen in my life... dammit, you did it, Tomori! A real catch!," He laughs squeaky. "You almost got us there, huh! You have Dad’s weird sense of humor, let me tell you..."

"Tatsu," Tomori says in a bored tone. "You follow me on Instagram. You've seen the photos, haven't you?"

"Photos...? Oh, you mean the one where you ran into Okubo Naoya and some of his friends at the market? I did, and those comments were a horror show," He nods, crossing his arms. "But that doesn't mean anything... and neither does that other photo of you two sitting together at a table... and neither that other one of you with Murobuchi Gozo at the bakery...?"

Tomori arches an eyebrow. And after a second, Tatsuhiko looked ready to scream again.

"My… my God… all those pictures… you… him…," He stares at Okubo, his jaw dropping. "My… my sister's boyfriend is Ultimate Fight's heavyweight champion?!"

"I think it finally sank in," Saeko whispers theatrically to them, finding her husband's reaction very amusing. "But, I confess that I'm also shocked."

"Well, I’m the one who's a participant in all of this, so you can guess how I feel!," Tomori laughs, trying to ignore her brother having an existential crisis right there. "Naoh, these are Uta Tatsuhiko and Saeko, my brother and my sister-in-law. Relax, he will greet you, he just needs to recover from the shock first."

"I noticed. I think you better get a pen," Okubo says to Tomori. "Believe me, I've dealt with people like that. Anyway, nice to meet you," He bows politely, a little shy too. "Tomoh told me a lot about you too, so the excitement is kinda mutual, hahaha."

"Tomoh...," Tatsuhiko babbles. "Okubo Naoya calls my sister Tomoh... Saeko, I- I think we crashed the car and died on the way here..."

"Bite your tongue, Tatsu!," Tomori snorts. "Yes, he's Okubo Naoya, and no, you're not dreaming or delirious because of the anesthetics in the hospital or anything like that."

"Hahaha… Thank God it isn't the case, right?," he approaches and reaches his hand to Tatsu. "Well, again, nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Uta!"

Tatsuhiko stares at the hand being extended as if someone is offering him a trophy. Or a homemade bomb. It was hard to tell with that expression. Tomori laughs out loud.

"Come on, he's not going to grab your arm to submit you and apply an armbar."

"There- There isn't even enough space in your living room for that!," He swallows a little, accepting the greeting. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Okubo...?," And he shakes his hand, trying to put firmness in the gesture to convey confidence. At least that's what Okubo preferred to think, because if it was an attempt to hurt his hand, he was failing miserably. However, he just accepted the grip and made little effort, just to match, and shook it slightly.

"Yes, you can call me that," he smiles, lets go of his hand and looks at his girlfriend. "So, Tomoh, I think the water in the kettle is boiling…"

"Oh yes!," Tomori nods, running back to the kitchen. "You want sugar, right, Saeko?"

"Yes. And put it on Tatsu's tea too, he'll need it," Saeko smiles amusedly at her husband, who was staring at his own hand with wide eyes. Tomori laughs again.

"Yeah, I can see that... would you like some tea too, Naoh?"

"Yes, please. And I want sugar too."

"Okay, coming right away! In the meantime... uh... you can still talk, okay?," She looks at all three of them, still kind of shy. "That wasn’t exactly how I was planning to do the introductions, but well, now there's no use," She shrugs. "I can talk too, if you want to ask some questions."

"G-Good, because I really want to ask questions," Tatsuhiko says suddenly, stumbling over his words a bit. "Several questions, actually…"

"Tatsu..."

“It's nothing too personal, I swear. Just the typical curiosities and concerns of an older brother, a male figure that Tomoh takes as an example," He gestures with some hands, to which Tomori rolls her eyes, taking the kettle off the heat when it starts to whistle.

"Yeah, right. I never did that, and I sure don't do that now..."

"Tatsu...," Saeko looks at him in warning.

"Well, ask then…," “Enlighten me, oh noble masculine sage,” he completed in thought, smiling to hide it.

"Okay. I'll behave, love, I swear," He promises to Saeko before facing the other man, seriously. "First of all, how exactly did you meet Tomori?"

"I already told you how it happened," Tomori answers, a little impatient. "He showed up with his friends at the bakery..."

"But was that all?," He insists. "Was it pure coincidence? Didn't you see that pretty girl at the counter and thought you had the perfect excuse to try your luck?"

"Tatsu..."

"I'm asking because I used this tactic and it worked! I know how men think..."

“That includes you, right?,” Okubo thought, but he held back this time. Just this once.

"Yes, a friend of mine, who's also a friend of Miss Kanami, recommended the bakery and I went there with other friends of mine. When I arrived, she recognized me and asked for my autograph. Then I started talking to her and we got to know each other, and here I am."

"Hnnn…," Tatsuhiko looks him up and down. "And then what? Did you ask for her number, just like that?"

"No," Tomori answers first again, entering the room while carrying a tray with four cups and a teapot, which she placed on the coffee table. "I gave him my number."

"Wha- Tomori!,” He exclaims, widening his eyes, and she stares at him with a frown.

"What? I'm a modern woman, am I not?"

"But that's being too modern… oh, forget it," He waves a hand, accepting a cup. "Have you guys been going out since then? That's quite some time, it's been almost three months since you got that autograph..."

"Yeah, it's been a while," Okubo accepts the cup Tomori offered him, starting to feel slightly irritated. Apparently being intrusive ran in the family. He looked into Tomori's eyes, kind of devilish, and went back to Tatsu. "She… really isn't the type of woman who beats around the bush, and honestly I loved that about her. She's this little thing, but she's determined and knows what she wants. And I'm not stupid or anything...," he lets the sentence hang in the air, but still complete in thoughts:

“And she wanted my naked body, so it was a win-win situation.”

Apparently Tatsuhiko was a telepath, because he widened his eyes, insulted, as if he'd heard that thought.

"What?"

“He means that, just like with Saeko and you, he didn't act like he didn't understand when a pretty girl showed interest in him,” Tomori says quickly, after looking at Okubo sideways as well. "You can say that I'm being full of myself, but he hasn't stopped praising me since his second visit to the bakery, so I have no reason to doubt it..."

Okubo shrugged, smiling at her as he sipped his tea. “If you're a telepath, then read this thought, mate. I love your sister and I'm also fucking her, so deal with it."

"Praising your cooking, I hope," He arches an eyebrow, smiling almost as if snarling. "Her cookies are delicious after all…"

“Yeah, and so is your sister!”

“So far I haven't found anything she does for me that I don't like. I feel obliged to always reciprocate, since she's so good to me," Okubo wanted to laugh a lot at his girlfriend's brother's face.

"... Reciprocate her kindness, right? Yes, yes, I'm happy to hear that! At- At least Tomoh has found someone who is capable of giving as much as he receives... kindness! Yes, kindness...," He adds, almost dropping his cup of tea and holy shit, it would be worth joining that family just for the opportunity to have fun at the expense of that overprotective wacko!

Tomori looked like she was having a lot of fun too, her expression bordering on cruel.

"Oh yes, he reciprocates! Sometimes I get embarrassed, thinking he's doing too much for me, but he guarantees that he likes it and that he does it with pleasure. So in turn, I feel like giving myself completely..."

"Give yourself… emotionally, right?"

"Of course!," She nods, taking a long sip of tea and avoiding looking at either him or Saeko, who is staring sharply at the other couple. Tatsuhiko takes a deep breath.

"Okay… moving on then… is this thing serious or…? Don't look at me like that, Saeh, I need to know!," He flinches. "I worry a lot..."

"Well, we just got officially together a few days ago, so we didn't have time to discuss anything. But I assure you that Tomori deserves all my respect and consideration, Mr. Uta. Despite your worries, I think she would know how to give me a good scolding when necessary. She's tiny, but she knows how to hit exactly where it hurts.”

"… Yeah, she knows," Tatsuhiko concedes after a second of silence, relaxing his shoulders a little. "She got that from our mother. And she can swing a bat almost as well as I can..."

"Almost as well? I'm even better than you," Tomori sticks her tongue out at him. "I've always been able to hit harder."

"But you lack technique. You bat like you want to bust someone's head..."

"No more! Guess who's been helping me improve at batting," Tomori indicates Okubo with a nod, and Tatsuhiko's eyes widen again.

"Wait, really? Are you teaching her? I mean, I know you used to play as a hitter before you started your wrestling career, but..."

“But I still have muscle memory, and I've been following baseball forever. Not to mention I still know my old coach, so I guess that counts, right?"

"It does, but... it's still something very unusual to do on a date, don't you think?," He comments, arching an eyebrow, to which Saeko finally decides to speak.

"You took me to watch an interclass judo competition on our second date, Tatsu."

"It was an invitation from one of my college classmates, I wouldn't say no to that! Anyway...," He shakes his head. "Unusual, but still a nice idea. Baseball is one of our family traditions, along with martial arts and karaoke..."

"Yeah, and it's a good thing we have two of these things in common," Tomori nods, smiling satisfied. "And he did that without even knowing it! After that, there was no way I wouldn't fall for good..."

"Tomori, what are you saying…," He scolds her with a frown, embarrassed, when she rests the side of her head on Okubo's shoulder. "I won't tell you to stop only because this is your house."

"And because you can't boss me around."

"Hunf… her stubbornness is a pain, isn't it?," He comments with a snort.

"Apparently it runs in the family," Okubo lets out, not holding back. "When you want to, you two can be pretty nosy. Like when you steal food from my plate, haha."

"I don't steal! Just once in a while, when I decide I want more fries than what's on my plate…," She pouted, while Tatsuhiko blinked, a little indignant.

"Nosy? I just wanna protect my sister! The world is full of worthless men wanting to take advantage of nice girls like her, and I want to prevent that. Especially when some of these men already have a reputation for womanizing..."

"Tatsu!," Tomori exclaims, indignant, to which her brother shrugs.

"Am I lying? I'm just trying to make sure it's just rumors..."

"It's not just rumors," Okubo decided that being honest was the best route. "But in this case it's because I was single and some girls, not all of them, also wanted to take advantage of my status and fame to put themselves under the spotlight. I wasn't in a serious relationship with any of them. Not at the level Tomori and I are at, I mean. You see, Mr. Uta, she doesn't need me for anything, even when I want to do something for her, she kicks me in the ass because she wants to reciprocate. I have never, ever in my life, seen a girl get so embarrassed by Swiss chocolate," he looks at Tomori. "Hey babe, how about a Louis Vuitton purse?," when she turns red, he points at her with his whole hand, looking at Tatsu. "See? That's what I'm saying, ahahaha."

"Oh, you big...! Argh, I'm going to beat the crap outta you two!," She screeches, red and indignant, when Tatsuhiko chokes a little on his tea, putting a fist in his mouth, trying to hide a laugh with a coughing fit.

" *Cough* *cough*...! Pffft...! That's because you didn't see when Saeko and I gave her a gold necklace as a college graduation gift. She looked like she was about to have a stroke..."

"Saekoooo...!," Tomori whimpers, almost releasing smoke from his ears. "Tell him to shut up..."

"Hahaha, you really don't like expensive gifts, Tomori, that's a fact," she laughs. "But we like to spoil you a little, and you looked cute with that necklace."

"I know, and I swear I loved that necklace… ugh, it's because I'm not an architect like you or an MMA champion who earns a small fortune per match!," She puffs out her cheeks, refilling their cups. "I don't have money to spend on these things and I feel bad for not being able to repay them accordingly..."

"Tomori," Tatsuhiko's expression softens. "You baked and frosted all those cookies that we gave to our wedding guests as a treat, remember? Because we remember."

"She is like that," Okubo confirms. "They must've tasted great."

"They did. And she thinks 'it's not enough'," Tatsuhiko rolls his eyes, and Tomori flinches, embarrassed.

"Stop talking like I'm not here..."

"But it's true! Do you know what she made for me, the second day I visited the bakery with my friends?," Okubo pointed to her. "A whole batch of cookies with the face and colors of Kuidaore Taro!"

"Oh yeah, we saw it when they posted some photos on the bakery's Instagram account, right, love?," He turns to Saeko. "They were cool as hell! But we didn't know they were made for you."

"Yes, they were. I loved them," Okubo smiles. "And, well, yeah… there's no way not to be happy with a cute little thing like that," he pinches her cheeks.

"Knock it off, I'm still pissed at you...," She mutters, holding his wrists, trying to look annoyed and failing. Saeko chuckles, while Tatsuhiko watches the interactions with an expression of indecision.

“So…we've seen a lot of pictures of you together at the bakery since then. You were showing up there just because of her then? Wow..."

"You showed up at my parents' flower shop with those same intentions, Tatsu, in case you don't remember."

"Yeah, but I still bought flowers there!"

"He buys food at the bakery too. Him and friends do. They really like our food, so much so that they even offered to help when we were looking for a new site," Tomori says, playfully threatening to bite Okubo's fingers when he insists on pinching her cheeks.

"Of course, a nice place, good food and the owners are friends of ours, with the bakery changing we change places too! That's loyalty, right? But yes, the number one reason is her, I won't deny it...," he strokes her cheek.

Tomori can't resist and smiles, closing her eyes and touching his hand. Tatsuhiko is silent again, staring at them with half shrugged shoulders. He then moans softly and rubs his face with both hands.

"Ugh, this is still too surreal for me... one moment you're telling Mom to leave you alone about the husband thing, and the next you show up with a boyfriend. Okubo Naoya, on top of that..."

"Tatsu, I didn't plan this. It just happened," She shrugs. "I found someone I like and who likes me too, and in addition, I calm mom's nerves. I combined pleasure with business."

"Yeah, talk about 'pleasure'. Just wait until those two find out..."

"Wait, are you going to tell them?," She asks, a little startled, to which he stares at her with reproach.

"It's you who has to tell them, not me. Your boyfriend and you may think I'm nosy, but I don't get involved in those things. Do you want to be an adult in this situation? Start by being honest."

Okubo was silent, looking at Tomori. She looks back at him before sighing heavily.

"I'll tell them, I promise… it's not something to hide from, after all. It's just that the minute I tell her, Mom is going to demand that I take him to their house for dinner, and she won't stop pestering me until I give in."

"It was the same thing with us, right, Saeh? And you, Tomori, were making fun of me nonstop at the time, loving that I was making a fool of myself in front of my girlfriend," Tatsuhiko opens a vengeful smile. "It's your turn now, sis, so you better suck it up!"

"Uugh, shut up," She makes a face. "And I won’t force you if you think it’s too early for that, Naoh…"

"I don't really mind," Okubo says. "As long as I'm notified in advance... my coach can still call me, or my agent."

"Alright, I'll explain this to her and we can choose the most appropriate date,” She nods, returning to face her brother. "Are you less freaked out now? You can see that he likes me and he's taking it as seriously as I am, right?"

"Hunf… I'll only believe one hundred percent with time and coexistence," He crosses his arms. "But for now I'll keep to myself. Just so you'll be warned, Mr. Okubo, I'll keep an eye out. Our father too, when he finds out. Nobody hurts the family's baby and leaves it at that, not even Ultimate Fight’s Heavyweight Champion…”

"Aargh, stop talking about me like I'm still a kid-"

"My God, Ultimate Fight's heavyweight champion!," He suddenly screeches, grabbing the edge of the tea table. "I'm sitting in front of the King of Combat himself! Can you give me an autograph?"

"Uh... Shit, Saeko, how can you handle all this bipolarity?," Tomori groans, rubbing his eyes. "I've known him for as long as I can remember and it still makes me dizzy..."

"It's an acquired taste," Saeko jokes, laughing.

"I told you to prepare a pen, Tomoh," Okubo laughs. "I'll sign everything, man. It's a private session, so you better take it while you still can, ahahaha. And relax, you have nothing to worry about. She means a lot to me. I would never hurt her."

“Again,” he adds in thoughts. Tatsuhiko nods, satisfied, still kind of electric.

"Yeah, I hope so! Oh my gosh, I forgot my autograph book in the car! I'll go get it and I'll be right back!," And he gets up running. "Don't worry, I know how to open the gate from inside, Tomori!"

"I know, relax! Damn...," She sighs, taking another long sip of tea. "And yeah, he also carries a notebook like mine everywhere. You never know."

“You two are a lot more alike than you realize,” he laughs.

"Yeah, and I noticed that you were, to a certain extent, messing with Tatsu," Saeko says. "It was kinda fun to watch, but you went a bit too far…"

"Oh come on, he started it with these tricky questions, I was going to answer the same way, ahaha."

"Yeah! He laid up problems for himself," Tomori shrugs. Saeko shakes her head.

"I know, he really shouldn't stick his nose up your business. But your brother cares about you, Tomori. He might go overboard with being protective, but it comes from a place with good intentions. You know how much he loves you."

"I know, Saeko..."

"So why, instead of antagonizing him, don't you encourage your boyfriend and him to get to know each other better? He has plenty of things in common with this family," She suggests, finishing with her cup. "He will be able to accept your relationship much faster if he doesn't feel like he's being treated like a soap opera villain that wants to break the happy couple up."

"That wasn't my intention, and neither was Naoh's… but that's okay, we'll be careful with that," Tomori nods, a little embarrassed. "But he also needs to stop treating me like a naive teenager. I'm a grown woman..."

"Well, I think it would be a good idea to show that to him," Okubo smiles. "We can schedule a day so I can meet everyone."

"Yeah we can. Mom will insist on it when she finds out...," Tomori smiles tiredly. "Hey, dad's birthday is coming right up! Maybe we can do something with that?"

Okubo widens his eyes at that, a little surprised.

"Your- Your dad's birthday? But-"

It was at this time that Tatsuhiko returned, bringing an old and worn-out notebook.

"Here! You can sign on that sheet, I already got a pen. Hell, now all I'm missing is Sekibayashi Jun's autograph...," He vibrates as he hands over the notebook and pen to Okubo. "I need to show up at the Heavy Bakery more often! That turned into a point for fighters, as far as I know."

"The best of  the points! And here, Naoh," Tomori opens the cardboard bag that her brother and sister-in-law gave her, handing a cream puff to Okubo. "Straight from Kitakaro, Hokkaido. Tatsu always brings the best things from his and Saeko's trips..."

"Oh- oooh, that's nice!," He menages to smile, dispite still being surprised with her offer. "I love cream puffs! Thanks," He puts the package aside quickly. "But before eating, let me sign his notebook here."

"Alright! Isn't your sis the best?," Tomori arches an eyebrow at her older brother. "Getting the autograph of one of the most famous fighters of today for you, like magic..."

"Yeah, I can well imagine what kind of 'magic'… no, I don't want to!," He shivers all over. "Thanks, Tomoh, Mr. Okubo… damn, it's so weird to call you by your last name when you're dating my sister! If I let you call me Tatsuhiko, would you let me call you Naoya?," He asks, all excited. "Being able to call an MMA champion by his first name is something I’ll love to rub in my co-workers' face, hehehe…"

"Hahha… okay, I don't mind it either…," he blushes a little. "Or you can just call me Okubo, without the 'mr.' part. My friends call me that."

“Will I have to work harder for the other perk then? You're a tough one. But I think there's a reason for you to be able to keep your belt to this day, after all," He jokes. "But I want to see if you'll keep that strength when my mother calls you Naoya, haha. Man, I can't wait for that day..."

"Take it easy, Tatsuhiko, he's my boyfriend, not yours."

"Get lost, Tomori!"

"Hahaha…," Okubo hugs Tomori. "Sorry, man, but I'm committed."

“To your sister!,” something in himself laughed devilishly.

 * * *

"Thanks for the tea, Tomoh..."

"No problem! And thanks for the cream puffs," Tomori opens the door and the gate further on for Tatsuhiko and Saeko, who had finished putting on their shoes and were on their way out. "Will you be very busy in the next few months?"

"No, we'll go back to the regular schedule now that the conference period with partner companies is over," Tatsuhiko checks the time on his phone. "Why?"

"Because soon we will have the reopening of the Heavy Bakery at the new address! Show up there to give us a hand," She asks, smiling, holding Okubo's arm.

"Me and the guys will definitely be there," He smiles. "And many of our friends too," He winks at Tatsu.

"Oh- Ooooh yes!," He widens his eyes, which even shine behind the lenses of his glasses. "We will show up, for sure! I'll make sure of it!"

"Okay, if you wanted to know the right way to conquer Tatsu, here it is," Saeko laughs. "We will show up. And it was nice meeting you, Mr. Okubo."

"Yeah, likewise. Holy shit, everyone at the office will be green with envy…," Tatsu smiles sharply, to which Tomori rolls her eyes.

“If you go around spreading it from the rooftops, Mom and Dad will know about it before I can tell them. And then they'll be mad at me for finding out from other people's mouths..."

"Okay, okay, I'll just say that Saeko and I met him by chance then. It's not a lie, anyway," He shrugs. "Well, we'll be on our way. Behave, you two!," He points to the couple by the door.

“Have a safe drive,” Okubo waves, smiling.

"And no, we won't behave."

"Yeah, and send us a message to let us know if you arrived well!," Tomori nods. "See you another time, Tatsu, Saeko!"

"See you at mom's and dad's house, you mean! Oh, this is gonna be so good, hahaha...," Tatsuhiko laughed while he and Saeko got in the car. They wave, and soon they're starting the engine, the car pulling out onto the street. Tomori waits until she sees them round the corner before sighing heavily.

"Sorry about that, Naoh... but it was  better than I expected, considering everything."

"Yeah, it was, considering that at one point I was praying that he'd stop thinking you were a little girl dating some old fart in his fifhties. It was getting ridiculous, " He grumbles, to which she laughs with some embarrassment.

“He'd act like that if you were any age, even the same as me. Didn't you hear that talk about me being the 'family's baby'?," She makes quotation marks with her fingers, rolling her eyes. "He always has been overprotective and jealous. Good thing Saeko holds his reins tight."

"Yeah, bless that woman, otherwise I would have put him in a headlock, and that'd be a goodbye to my girlfriend's brother," he jokes as he turns to go back into the house. She laughs louder at that, following him and locking the door behind her.

“He would probably die happy. And I swear my parents are a lot more reasonable, if… if you agree to meet them,” She hesitates a little, looking at the floor.

"Well, it's part of the 'boyfriend' package, right?," he makes quotation marks with his fingers. "So yes, I agree to follow this bureaucracy."

"I know, but I didn’t want you to see it as a bureaucracy…," She walks past him, going to collect the tray with the teapot and teacups on the coffee table. "That’s why I said we could wait a little longer. It was supposed to be something you want too," She shakes her head. "Oh, how silly of me to worry about that, right? sorry about that..."

"I didn't mean 'bureaucracy' in a bad way. It's just that the whole process of getting to know your girlfriend's family members takes time and effort on my part, and on yours. Even more so if I want to gain their approval," He explains, moving forward to place his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. "I'm just imagining the whole thing, that's all. I'm happy that I've already been accepted by them, but even more so by you, Tomoh."

She looks over her shoulder at him, blinking a couple of times. And then she smiled more placidly, leaning her back against his chest.

"Hehe… you being accepted by them is almost guaranteed, considering who you are. But I want them to know you like I do and like what they see too... I'm no fame seeker, you know, but I have a right to want to show off my boyfriend a little bit, even if only to my social circle," She jokes.

"Oh, you know I like all that importance," he hugs her sideways. "Even more so when the person I care about most cares."

"I care, so much so that it scares me sometimes," She lays her head on his chest before walking away, taking the dirty dishes to the sink. "And I'm going to have a serious talk with Tatsu about showing up at my house without warning. He interrupted us right when things were getting good..."

"No problem, we'll start all over again," he reaches her and hugs her from behind as she puts the dishes in the sink.

"Heh, good to know that my nosy brother didn’t spoil the mood…"

“Nah, he just postponed it a little bit. If you still want too, I'll be right here to help you..."

"I never not want to when I'm with you," She assures, letting herself be embraced by him. And when she finishes washing the dishes, he doesn't waste time and lifts her in his arms, going to lean her on the counter again while she laughs.

It was good to know that the surprise visit from her clueless brother and sister-in-law hadn't temporarily killed his desire, because those things would probably happen again. And knowing that he wanted to be part of her life even with that little detail made her even more certain that she had made the right choice.

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