#haven't watched it fully rn

[baesharmi-ki-height]

Soo basically the hindutva ideology

Can u explain what exactly is zionism ??

In the most basic terms, Zionism is a nationalist ideology that aimed to establish a Jewish homeland/nation state in Palestine and the protection of Israeli interests. Critics of zionism like Edward Said have noted that it is a colonial and racist ideology. To know more, I recommend Zionism from the Standpoint of its Victims by Edward Said, which is part of a larger set of writings known as The Question of Palestine

[caluupin]

been catching up on TGAA/DGS !! :D

[cryptiddeer]

Encanto is on rn and I've seen people talk about the donkeys getting out again instead of building a better fence BUT WHATS UP WITH THIS BITCH ASKING LUISA TO REROUTE THE GODDAMN RIVER?!!!??!!? THE FUCK?!!!???

[biancabelairs]

look i'm sure it's not the plan but can we just like. put the world title on swerve at the next ppv

[strange-creature-222]

OUUGHHH THIS IS MAKING ME THINK SO MANY THINGS OH MY GOD/POS

@lilywithcatears you should read this pls pls pls

I found myself thinking of Jekyll today and wondering if it causes him physical pain to have to fake a smile. To what extent is Henry Jekyll, pleasant doctor and sophisticated upperclass gentleman a painful mask he has to wear and does the discomfort ever feel physical?

I was at the local aquarium today (this is the perfect time of year to go because it's open but there are no tourists so it's never crowded and admission is cheap) hanging out and doodling on one of the benches while I watched the fish. I had on headphones to listen to an audio book and to provide a buffer between myself and anyone who might try to talk to me and I had been looking forward to relaxing for a couple of hours when a family walked up and the father waved his hand in front of my face to get my attention. The minute they started asking me questions about what I was drawing I was filled with what I can only describe as intense dismay.

Obviously the family being present isn't in of itself an issue, it's a public aquarium, it's aimed at families and parts of the aquarium are geared specifically at children, but the family noticed me drawing and stopped to talk to me.

I reiterate that this was not something they did wrong, they were just being friendly, but I was really not prepared to have a conversation and I found the whole ordeal to be...well an ordeal. They were interested in what I was drawing (a sketch of Henry Jekyll because he's been on my mind off and on) and just the thought of having to explain who this character was, hoping they got it, and having to potentially explain why I was drawing him felt overwhelming.

And it was, they did not know who Henry Jekyll was, they were vaguely aware of Jekyll and Hyde but weren't the type of people to read classic literature and had never heard of the musical or actually seen for themselves any movies featuring the character. The mom commented that he looks like "a Disney villain from back in the 90s" which...fair assessment, I can't pretend I don't see why she would have thought that. The older kid was probably the most interested and wanted to see more of my drawings which made me really uncomfortable but I let him look through my sketchbook anyway because his parents kept saying he was interested in drawing and he loves art and I felt too anxious to say no.

I made small talk with the parents for a while, all the usual, "what's your name, where you from, what's your job?" (I hate those questions, they are usually the least interesting things about any people, myself included) and I wondered if this is what Henry does on a regular day. Has ordinary conversations with reasonably nice people and feel completely like a fish out of water the whole time. I felt pretty terrible about it too, I didn't have any hard feelings or resentment but the whole time I was thinking "Stop touching my things, go away, please fucking leave so I can get back to my audio book and my drawing. I just wanted to sit with the fish for a few hours because it's supposed to be quiet here this time of year."

No one ever seems to catch on that physically talking to people is an effort for me. I've gone my whole life and no one has ever noticed that I'm anxious or uncomfortable in situations where I have to speak out loud because I've gotten good at faking small talk and I know how to make my voice sound pleasant.

It's strange because I express myself easily enough in writing and I like messaging with people over text but the minute I have to be verbal with people I don't know I feel like I'm putting on an immense effort. I have to consciously choose a tone, figure out what words I want to say, be ready with an explanation in case I'm asked questions and I have to do all of it in real time on the spot. It feels like improve, like I'm constantly doing an improve routine and I know most people would say "Just be yourself!" But myself doesn't want to be doing this at all. Myself wants to be drawing and looking at fish. Even as a child I was never very social, I liked to doodle or daydream or build with my lego sets. I got reprimanded a lot for being too quiet. So I made myself more talkative and learned how to hold conversations. I learned to blend in but it's so tiring at times and I can swear when it's at its worst it feels almost physical. The discomfort becomes a suffocating "texture" on my skin and in my brain and I have to keep pretending like I don't notice it because every time I try to articulate how I feel people don't understand it. It's just not a thing they experience.

So I just keep "acting normal," and wonder if there's something wrong with me, like I'm operating on a different frequency from the people around me and I'm the only one on that frequency so other people don't even know it exists. It's...incredibly isolating at times. Even my partner doesn't seem to hear the world as loud as I do or experience the "texture" it's just a strange THING that I'm stuck with by myself. I wonder if it was the same for Henry Jekyll? Except instead being of too quiet he was too loud, too boisterous, threw tantrums, didn't know when to stop rambling about anatomy and weird gross medical facts. So he learned how to cover it and move through life pretending to be interested in everyone else but keenly aware they could never share his interests because his favorite subjects were too grisly and if he started talking about diseases he'd put everyone off. I head-canon Jekyll loves what he does, but he doesn't love it for reasons a doctor should, he doesn't care that much about healing the sick, he cares about conquering illnesses, he likes to learn about symptoms, he enjoys the disgusting viscera of his work. But he can't let on that this is what he enjoys about his work because that's not noble or heroic, it's something most people would find creepy of him. So he buries it and pretends he cares about curing the sick. He pretends he enjoys talking to people who don't know anything about who he is or what he does but they think they do because they are aware of doctors and understand that medicine exists. All the time he loathes it, it exhausts him and he can't even indulge in activities he enjoys to blow of steam because he enjoys things like brawling, doing drugs, and fucking. All things a man of his status shouldn't be seen doing. There's an image people associate with Henry Jekyll and it's an image he can't afford to tarnish...

but it's not really HIS image, it's just a buffer he keeps up to make himself more palatable. I wonder if that ever hurts him physically, if the mask ever feels like a "texture" muffling him.

there are times when I feel like it's no wonder he wasn't repulsed by Hyde when he first saw his reflection. Because I can only imagine by the time Hyde showed up he was already completely burnt out on being Jekyll.

[napsaps-archive]

today's the day i watch the first few crunchcraft vods i WILL watch all the ones i missed and i WILL remain caught up to date with everything and i will NOT let it impact my overall productivity ← affirmations

[melodic-haze]

I just want to bend Navia over and fuck her with my strap ^_^ her thighs are so tempting I can’t do this I need this woman right now

(also, can I be 🐿️ anon?)

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Navia x dom!fem!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Strap-on use

☆ — NOTES: I shit you not I remember only logging in to get Navia and then stopped playing again when I got her. ALSO YES YOU CAN BE 🐿 ANON MY FIRST ONE HIIIII 🥰🥰🥰🥰 SORRY I'M GOING FOR SHORTER SHIT RN 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I NEED HER RIGHT THIS SECOND TOO OUGHHH I'm gonna indulge with you anon good god

The. The gap where. Her thighs are visible ughghhghg save me SAVE MEEEEE

You sit down together and you squeeze that part of Navia's thighs and she sits up in alert brfore fully debating on whether to keepy your hand there or to swat it away. It usually stays though 🤷‍♀️

Using her like some kinda fleshlight would be so fun lol

Bend her over and fuck her reaaaaally nice and hard 🫶🫶 have her absolutely SOBBING telling you to slow down but you don't bc really lol why would you??? Especially not when she grinds herself on your strap whenever you stop

DUDE fold her in half so that she can't move, or like hold her thighs down as you absolutely RAIL her to oblivion oh my god

Can I just say the ripple effect would go crazy though. LOL yes ugghhgh watch her thighs and her ass move and jiggle every time you bottom out inside of her

You felt her quaking from underneath you as Navia came for.. maybe the third or the fourth time so far. Her loud moans echoed through the room like a pleasant chime as your hips moved to carry her through her high, your eyes still utterly transfixed at the way her thighs ripple whenever your hips slam into yours.

When you think your lover's orgasm had mostly receded, you give her thigh a soft smack before squeezing it, the former action earning what sounded to be a cross between a yelp and another moan from her. She doesn't seem mad at the sudden impact though—in fact, she seems delighted in the way that she gives you a tired grin as she combs her blonde hair out of the way of her sapphire blue eyes.

Instead of continuing again, you decided to take a little break for a short while, though you don't really make the move to pull out. Instead, you keep the strap inside of her as you reach for the cup of water prepared on the nightstand with your other hand.

You lightly tapped your lover's beautiful thighs to gain her attention, "Can you drink on your own or do you want me to pass it to you?"

"Mmm... Think I can drink it on my own for now, thank you." She slowly sat up and took the glass, carefully making sure that you don't slip out from the movement, "I don't know how stable my motor skills will be when you continue with doing that, though."

"Oh? Not if, when?" You raised an eyebrow jokingly as she basically gulped down her drink, "You expected more from me? What if I wanted to stop here?"

She puts the glass back down once she's finished before leaning on her palms behind her, "Then we'll stop. But I really doubt you want to, considering this--" she nods her head down at the toy, "--is still inside of me."

"That your detective skills at work right now?"

"No, just that I know you intimately enough to know you haven't had enough of me."

"I mean, you're right." You buck your hips to make a point and she lets out a gasp, biting her lip as she drops to lean on her elbows instead, "I definitely could never have enough of you."

She gives you an impish smirk, "Then take all of me, ma douce."

Really, the most polite answer would be to do so.

I reckon she's a chronic biter yk. Like hold her close to you as you piston her and she'll bite whatever part of you she can

Don't just bend her over too guys make her ride you 🫶🫶🫶☺️☺️ she happily will!!!! Wielding a huge axe like that has GOT to do shit for your legs too not just your arms so she has the STAMINA go bounce on your cock like her life depends on it, giving you the fill view of you cunt practically consuming you whole like a woman starved. Oh my god I'm having such a fixation with them now that you've said it sorry LOL UM anyway yeah grab onto her thighs, dictate her pace or else she'll do what she wants and chase her release before you actually want her to :((((

Bonus points I think she'd be a size queen too :3 the bigger the better❗️❗️❗️ She swears she can handle it when she first asks you to use one that's Big but then you're in bed with her rn and she sobs out like "it's too much" or "I feel so full" but like just tell her to take it cuz realistically she put this on herself 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

When you're all done, have her clean you off ☺️☺️☺️☺️ she'll take it aaaaaallllllll the way down to the base without any complaints. Even if it's too big, she'll try her very best❗️❗️❗️ And after that, perhaps you could have her service you in return when you take the strap off :3333 it's only fair, and she wouldn't want to leave you unsatisfied after all you've done for her 🤷‍♀️

[visualbutterflysworld]

girl you write sub!vininie so good i love it 🫦

gotta request for you !!!

if you haven’t already, how about one where vin & reader get into an argument because some girl commented on vinnies insta post (reader and vin have been together for a few months, but they’re relationship is private), so no one knows he’s not single.

the girl is so obviously hitting on / flirting w vin but he tells reader it’s not like that and that he swears up and down he only wants her

reader doesn’t fully believe him so she takes matter into her own hands and shows him who he’s with and who he belongs too

it’s to the point where she’s got him moaning and whining n callin her mommy (need this man like that rn thank yewww 😇)

I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE , im not used to requesting stuff but i feel like you would do an amazing job w this idea !!! <33

Streets | Vhackerr

warning: smut, low-key rough?, sub!vinnie, argument?, jealousy, organism denial, unprotected(birth control),

I gotcha !! This was supposed to come out tmr but I felt nice today.

Rage. Rage was what filled you. Vinnie had just posted on instagram and the comments were just him getting hit on and it pissed you off more today than usually.

Maybe it was because Vinnie decided to respond to one. This blue eyed bitch decide it would be cute to flirt with Vinnie in the comments and to him it seemed innocent but to you it wasn't.

This was one of the problems Vinnie and you faced since being in a private relationship. You knew how his fans could get and you liked your privacy. You not being in the limelight at all made things easier for you guys but, it was times like this where you wished he would make it public.

"Y/n? Are you even listening to me?" Vinnie shouted. "No, because you're just coming up with excuses on why she wasn't flirting with you." I said plainly. Vinnie sighed before wrapping his arms around you. "Baby, does it really matter? I only want you, you know that." "Really?" I scowled at him.

"Yes, tell me what you want, love. Do you want me on my knees?" I watched as Vinnie slowly began to fall to his knees. His hands resting on the back of my thighs. "I'll do anything you want to make you believe I'm yours." Vinnie said giving me puppy eyes.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Touch yourself." I commend. "W-what?" Vinnie asked. "Touch yourself. Right here. Right now." I demanded. I heard the faintest whimper before Vinnie unbutton his pants and pulled out his number. He slowly began to stroke himself. "Like this mommy?" Vinnie stared up at me without stopping. I hummed in approval. I let him do this for a few seconds before telling him to speed up.

His head thrown back in pleasure. "Mommy, I'm about to come." "You are?" "Mmh." "Stop." I told him. Vinnie's eyes shot open as he paused his actions. "You don't get to come." I shrugged. "What? But. I." Vinnie stumbled his words. I kneeled down so we were eye to eye. "Good boys get to come and you haven't been a good boy now have you?" I asked.

Vinnie pouted, tears building up in his eyes almost. "I-I guess not." He swallowed. "That's correct. So you won't come unless I tell you so." I stood up and took a mental picture of this version of Vinnie. "I have work to do so find something to do."

Listen, I know it was mean but he had to learn who he belong to and he needed a good reminder. "Y/nnn." Vinnie whined. It had been a few hours and we were now in bed. "Y/n please. I need to come. I've been a good boy these past few hours. I even delated her comments, mommy." He kissed my neck.

“Is that so.” I move my hand down his waistband, slowly rubbing him. Poor thing had soaked his boxers. He moaned loudly from the contact. “Y-yes.” He began to claw at my beasts. Rubbing and squeezing them.

“I want one.” He whined. “What do you want baby?” “One of your boobs.” I smiled at his neediness. I stop stroking him. He pouted and whined but I quickly undressed him and myself. “Fuck, mommy. You’re so pretty.” He reached for me but I smacked his arms away. “No. No touching until I say.” I slowly crawled onto him and slowly lowered myself. Both of us moaning at the contact. I began to slowly move up and down.

“Fuck, m-mommy.” “Tell me, who does this dick belong to?” I place my hands on his chest holding myself up. “You, mommy! All you! Please, let me touch you.” He cried. I began to move faster. “Say it again! Who fucks you this good? Who gets you this hard?” I asked. “You, Y/n! Mommy! Fuck i-.” He threw his head back. “Please let me touch you.”

I leaned down and kissed his neck. “Touch me baby. Touch mommy wherever you want.” I whispered and a bunch of thank yous came out as he began to touch me all over. “Fuck mommy, I’m gonna come.” I fasten my pace. I moved my hand around his neck. Giving him a good squeeze.

“You’re gonna come?” He nods. “Look at me.” He struggles at first but looks at me. “I’m the only one who makes you come! You understand that?” He wraps his arms around my back fucking back into me. “Yes, mommy. Only you can make me come!” He yelled out.

I kiss him roughly and fasten up. “Gonna be a good boy and come with me?” I ask. He nods furiously. I kiss him roughly. “Then come baby. Come with me.” I whisper in his ear and let out a moan as I feel my climax take over me. He moans out and I feel him shoot a large load inside me. He fucks us through our high before he falls back on the bed, taking me with him.

We lay there awhile trying to catch our breath. Him still inside me. “I think we should let the public know you’re taken.” I lay my head on his shoulder. “Sounds good.” As he tightens his hold on me. “Good.”

🧍🏽‍♀️ ummm hope y’all enjoyed?

[sexydreamgirl]

hey heraa, i would REALLYYY appreciate if you helped me out on this one question that has been killing me rn (it’s in bold on the bottom just incase u want to skip the tangent)

honestly, if i succeed in fulfilling myself that you replied, it'll raise my faith a little bit when/if I see that you replied.

I've been on this journey for the longest time I'm talking divineangelbee, planet, cine, bibi, dreamgrlsworld, daphne, the void obsession, the alpha waves, the mindless or just feeling while affirming, the self and void concept challenges for 2 weeks, and now applying states after edward art and neville and having things click with aphroditeapprentice and blushydior etc ; applying for months. But guess what idk what is happening and what's holding me back!

i know that if i was in the state, I obviously wouldn't be sending this message but since it doesn't matter what I do in the 3D and my human self wants to ask for help, I will ask for guidance.

I've even fulfilling myself, returning to the wish fulfilled whenever I think of my desire, I prioritize the inner man over getting physical results but you know, if someone was doing it right, it would reflected by now right? of course it would because it's the law.

I don't why it hasn't done so yet and l'm slowly and at the same time very quickly losing my faith because it's been like what, 2/3 years since I found out about the law from tumblr? I KNOW I'm meant to be living my dream life in a little cottage in Europe or big mansion in LA, I KNOW I was meant to succeed and live a life of my dreams because I deal with hard things in my life, I AM! MEANT TO SUCCEED. but what am I doing wrong if it's been months of fulfilling myself that it should've been my dominant state already? I feel good and every time I doubt, I know and tell myself that I ALREADY experience my desire in imagination and it HAS to reflect?

thank you, if you answer this I really would appreciate it :)

I'm going to try my best to answer this without further confusing you so sit tight and in the case that I do bring forward any confusion, do let me know.

In a nutshell, the point of manifesting (or moreso the purpose of life itself) is to appease hunger. That is, to free yourself from the feeling of desire (wanting something) by giving it to yourself whether it's money, the mansion, the dream life, appearance, I could go on and on because whatever you want to acquire is possible of being acquired (because imagination is limitless). If you know the law, you know imagination creates reality so imagination will always be your workshop and that is essentially how you change self (I AM).

Imagination isn't separate from reality because imagination is reality itself. Man's greatest downfall has been to separate the two as completely independent when that could not be further from the truth. When you turn to imagination and you use it to think about what it would feel like to have the face card and the mansion and the dream life, you are present in that moment to the point where it feels like a real experience. If you allow yourself to bask in the feeling of the wish fulfilled, it's as real of an experience as you reading this very post. Neville has previously discussed procuring the wish fulfilled in a way as if you are traveling through time to the end and witnessing the outcome firsthand, then you make your way back to the present and trust that it will unfold as you experienced. It's like when you watch a film you've previously watched and you already know what the ending is, you don't stop to think what could happen, you already know what will because you saw it yourself.

If time is a relevant concern for you and you're looking around to see if it's there, I'm afraid to say you haven't fully yielded to it. You simply thought of it and not from it. If you experienced it and knew that it was done, you would be appeased from hunger and you wouldn't desire it anymore. How could you want something you already have? Time is an obstacle that is standing in between you and the state of consciousness that asserts you as being someone who has the desire in question already in their possession. When you nail yourself to that state and I mean you fully yield yourself to it to the point where you don't feel separate from it anymore, the feeling of desire will vanish. You don't care about time, you don't care about the senses, nothing moves you. Why would it if you know it's yours? (Hint: this is the Sabbath)

I constantly receive so, so many "I did all of this, why hasn't it happened?" questions and I believe you when you say you really gave it your entire heart, but you should sit and ask yourself genuinely if you actually focused more on the thing itself versus quenching the desire you have for it.

I'm here once again to swear by the State Akin To Sleep and why I love it so much. I won't repeat the process since I went into it quite extensively so I highly suggest you read the post.

“Whatsoever you desire, when you pray, believe that you have received it, and you will.”

When I started understanding the SATS through the idea of it as "praying", it made so much more sense to me. You're not visualizing to get, you're visualizing to feel its reality so desire vanishes. If you use imagination to feel its reality (believe that you have received it), the 3D will follow and it shall materialize. This is one of the reasons why I love the state akin to sleep so much. It's such a simple and easy way to define the end and identify yourself with it.

When I use the SATS, I let myself sit with the wish fulfilled by thinking of what the end would look like, what would I hear, who would I be with, what would I see, etc. and I focus on it until I'm consumed by the feeling and acceptance of it and then bring myself back. I trust that my prayer has been answered because I felt the reality of it, so that must mean it's already mine. If for some reason I would feel doubtful or separate from that state of consciousness, I would simply induce the state again and focus on its reality. Do this as many times as you need to until you no longer feel compelled to because you're certain that your prayer has been heard (See: the Sabbath).

I highly encourage you to assess how you're going about manifesting and to use the State Akin To Sleep to catch the mood so you can nail yourself to it. You said it best yourself, you were meant to succeed and live the life of your dreams. Remember that failure is only an option if you let it be one. Don't give up, my love <3

[zwoftt]

its so insanely tough because dorian has EVERY right to feel the way he does about the god situation. his opinion is not only valid but brings more theories to the table. most of his opinion comes from not being able to properly grieve his brother, watching his first adventuring party be torn apart, and not being able to fully comprehend the feelings that are stirring inside of him. not to mention that so much is happening to him in such a short time, so its almost obvious that his mind would be scrambled like this. not only that, but taking the time to consider orym in ALL OF THIS, because of how much he cares. honestly, they haven't really been able to console each other about everything that has recently happened. i believe that orym can possibly be the one to sway dorian back towards the other side, even if its for the time being. because god. i wanna see dorian make that spider queen PAY. maybe he'll be swayed to help orym and the rest of the hells, but he's not doing it for the gods. he's doing it for orym. and after, he's going for that spider queen himself (unless of course he gets his entire perspective changed, in which he grieves normally and finds out that revenge won't make it better)) the tension in dorym rn is juicy, and is needed for the pairing to become an even deeper one. it is quite literally a slow burn afterall. i mean, disagreements have already happened in the past between them; and it only made their relationship stronger. i don't see how this can be very different.

[stormberry-12]

Hellooo how are you this fine evening..

I wanted the ask if you could make one for jj where he does something that upsets the reader and she’s crying and sad and jj gets the silent treatment the whole week but he starts to cry hard and beg for her to talk to him and reader can’t help but comfort and hug him and give him all the love that she has and jj is all pouty and sad in the end

It’s fine if not <3 :)

didn't mean to ~ jj maybank x reader

pairing: JJ Maybank x Kook!Fem!Reader

warnings: language, angst, arguing, silent treatment.

notes: thxs for the request! Sorry I haven't posted in forever guys, im doing final exams at school rn and stuff. Also, sorry this is so short. But anyway, I loved this concept and also hated the way they solved JJ and Kie's fight in Season 3 so I tried to recreate it here with a better ending. Sorry, this took so long lol, much love!

"I mean, it would all blow up anyway. You know? Like... Look at you. You got your new threads on!" JJ exclaimed. "Look at me. What do I got? This? This piece of shit?" He threw something out of frustration, panting. You looked back at his run-down house, the eviction notice nailed to the front door with bright yellow police tape crossing over it.

"Getting kicked out of this place in three weeks anyway. shit, I don't even got parents right now. Why would you care? Why would you care? I'm just some loser that..."

"JJ..."

"You don't care. No, you don't!"

"I do care!" you shouted, getting frustrated with his attitude.

"No, you got parents that live in Figure Eight, you know?"

"That's not my fault."

"That's your future." he countered walking towards the water, hand running through his hair in frustration.

"Look, if you need us, we're gonna help you. I'm... I'll help."

"No- It's that right there! Okay? Like... It's so easy for you to say that." he whirled around to face you, yelling, "You know why? Because you're a Kook. You're a Kook, Y/n!"

"Yeah... I'm a Kook. I was such a Kook when I was living in a cave with you for a month! Soaking in the Kook life!"

"That's not what I'm talking about. GOD!" he exclaimed, reaching for his bike, he swung his leg over the seat.

"Jayj, don't leave." you pleaded, the engine of his bike revved and he started to drive away,

"JJ, WHAT THE HELL?" You screamed after him, tears rolling down your face, "MAYBANK!"

You were pissed the fuck off.

The first day after your fight you hadn't seen JJ, you cried for a couple hours, indulging in your favorite ice cream watching a sad rom-com, really getting in your feels.

Kie texted you to ask you what was up, the pogues had gone fishing that day but you never showed, to angry and sad to show your face to the world.

'Ask the blond kid,' was all you responded. you watched as her three typing bubbles flashed beneath your text.

'shit head's not here either,' she responded. 'wtf is going on,'

'fight. he called me a kook.'

'oh shit,' was all she said.

A few days later you walked around the chateau and dug through John B's fridge, you were fully aware of JJ's presence on the couch but still continued to ignore him. It was closing in on a week since you had last uttered a word to him.

Grabbing a chilled beer you walked past JJ and to the front door.

"Y/n," he said, voice cracking.

It wasn't the first time JJ had tried to talk to you this week and once again you ignored him. You slipped your shoes on and walked out onto the porch, slamming the door behind you. You flinched at how harsh it was but brushed the feeling away as you took a sip of your drink.

You sat at the edge of JJ's hot tub, the disco lights twinkled in the water, and the beer started to make you feel nauseous. You set it down and let out a shaky breath, blinking away tears that made the colorful lights spur in all different directions.

'Oh stop it Y/n' you told yourself, you would not cry anymore over this boy, if he didn't want to date a 'kook' that was his problem.

A long time must have passed, you had slid down fully into the hot tub finishing off your drink and basking in your own thoughts. The sun had set and the tides changed across the water.

"Go!" You heard someone on the deck grunt, you looked up to see John B pushing JJ out the door towards you locking him outside. JJ made his way down the stairs awkwardly and stood at the edge of the hot tub across from you, not getting in like he was looking for your permission.

"What do you want Maybank?" you asked quietly.

"I-uh," he sniffled and you focused closer in the dim light to see tears streaming down his face. "I made you a bracelet,"

He mumbled in the softest voice that made your heart clench and reached out to hand it to you. You looked at it closely, intricate little hearts knotted into the design, made with your favorite colors. And of course, the sea blue strings that you had told him reminded you of his eyes countless times. You didn't know what to say. Until you heard the soft sobbing coming from his lips, he thought you didn't like it.

"No, JJ..." you cooed, wrapping the bracelet around your wrist and tieing it in a crisp knot. You slid yourself through the water and stood in front of him taking in his state. He looked at you with pleading eyes and you wrapped your arms around him. He collapsed into you, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your shoulder. You felt butterflies in your stomach at his touch and lifted a hand to stroke his hair. God you loved this boy so much.

"I-i'm sorry," he cried, "I called you a kook, I'm such a dick, It's all my fault..."

"No, Jayj-" you whispered.

"Yes,"

"No, I am in the wrong too, shouldn't have ignored you like that," you whispered.

"But I called you a kook," he said again.

"And then I was acting like one, it was wrong,"

You stood there in silence hugging each other, you you feel his breathing slow and he recovered to look up at you.

"Please forgive me," he said.

"Always, as long as you forgive me," he nodded frantically at you causing you to giggle.

"Thank god that's over," you heard Pope say in the distance.

"Yeah, pass me one of those?" Kie said, taking a beer out of the cooler, the rest of the pogues walking toward the hot tub.

You all settle down in the warm water, JJ snuggling into your side, looking at your bracelet sweetly for the rest of the night. You kissed the top of his head, knowing what ever happed in the future you could always get through it with him.

[thelonelyshore-if]

requesting a Jay nsfw alphabet pleease 🙏 I haven't seen much love for them yet but they're my fav :p

Jay alphabet under the cut c:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Jay is quite gentle and tender after sex, very doting and affectionate. And sleepy lol.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

They really like their chest, I think. They’re proud of how they look and getting attention on their chest/nipples drives them crazy. As for a partner, they’re not picky, but they like thighs, hips, and ass–anything they can get a good handful of.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

M!Jay really enjoys cumming inside his partner (with a condom, if necessary. He’s not looking to get anyone pregnant rn). He thinks it’s hot. F!Jay, on the other hand, doesn’t have much of an opinion on cum one way or another.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Their nipples are pierced! It isn't something they advertise, though they like how it looks and it isn't truly a secret. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Jay is fairly experienced!! They’ve had a couple of long-term partners, and they definitely know what they’re doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Hmmmmm F!Jay enjoys cowgirl if she’s bottoming–she enjoys getting to set the pace–and missionary if she’s topping. M!Jay also likes missionary, regardless of if he’s topping or bottoming. They like being able to see their partner’s face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

They’re a pretty mixed bag. They think sex is fun, so it doesn’t bother them if it’s a little more light-hearted at times. Typically they take it seriously and try to be romantic/passionate, but aren’t afraid to laugh, either.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

F!Jay keeps her bikini line shaved; M!Jay literally could not care less he doesn’t think about that sort of thing lmao.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It depends fully on the vibe in the moment, I think. Jay can be very attentive and gentle and romantic…and they can be passionate and unrestrained. They’re typically dominant, but it isn’t a requirement if that isn’t what their partner is into.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

They enjoy touching themself in the shower before bed. It's practically part of their nightly routine–they find it a really nice way to wind down from their day. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

They aren’t super kinky, though they’re open to trying out things their partner wants to try. That being said, they do want to try out bondage–tying up their partners sounds very, very fun.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Honestly anywhere private. The bedroom and shower are perfectly valid options. Also, there’s something very hot about making out on the couch and ending up having sex.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Jay’s a romantic at heart so a lot of what gets them going is spending time with the person they love. Physical proximity–like cuddling–often turns them on, as does just…being with them or admiring their body or what have you. Also, seeing their partner in Jay’s clothes makes their brain short-circuit c:

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything public. They have a reputation in town to uphold, and they're also just really not comfortable with it. They feel like sex should be a private thing. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

No preference with giving or receiving. Watching their partner suck them off/eat them out drives them crazy, but pleasuring their partner turns them on a ton, too. They like both. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Anything and everything, but they do enjoy drawing things out. They could spend hours making a partner come again and again…but hard and fast is equally hot. Depends on the mood. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Jay isn't terribly fond of quickies. They want to take their time ;)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

They're open to trying new things, but they'd be following their partner's lead with it! There are only a few things they personally want to try out that they haven't before. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

They both can last for quite some time…but they're aren't big on multiple rounds. More than anything because they get sleepy afterwards 😴😴😴

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I think F!Jay has a small collection of dildos and vibrators, as well as a strap. M!Jay does not and hasn't really experimented with toys, but would be open to it…especially using them on a partner.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

They both enjoy teasing a partner–they like stretching things out. Making them squirm. But they don't really like being teased, personally. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jay is actually fairly quiet in bed!! They'll whisper soft affirmations and praise and dirty talk, but they're not all that vocal.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Jay is really, really good with their hands.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

They're fairly comfortable in their body, but they're kind of shy about showing it off. Less so with a partner, but they'll still be a bit bashful. Jay is athletic and they're fairly muscular. Also, as mentioned, they have their nipples pierced.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I'd say average! They enjoy sex and masturbation, and it's something they like in a relationship, but it's also not something they need by any means.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Very quickly. Sex wears them out lol. But they really enjoy cuddling after--nothing sweeter than falling asleep with your partner in your arms after sleeping together <3

[paintednailsandsoftdetails]

911, a confession

Let me start by saying that I don't really know what I'm doing here, so bear with me. If I actually go through with posting this, and you find yourself tagged and wondering who I am and why, or even if you happen upon it in the tags, I hope you take a minute to read this.

You don't know me, but you've been my community for a while now. I've checked your blogs daily for years, I've read your posts and loved your art and sent you countless anonymous asks to pick your brains- never hate though, because I'm not a Freak.

What I am, however, is a lonely lesbian with depression and (newly diagnosed) OCD, who has always needed some hyperfixation media/fandom to find life bearable. For some ~fun context, I was Raised by the glee fandom, I will die on the hill that watching queer as folk when I was 14 and discovering its fans 10+ years after airing made me who I am, I've got the most bizarrely timed stint in the 1D fandom under my belt, and I find nothing in the world more interesting and also affirming than Queer Reading (verb) media- to the extent that I earned an English degree and wrote a thesis specifically about it.

I haven't posted on here in 1.5 years, since I fell out of my previous fandom (apologies to anyone from said fandom who still happens to follow me and is seeing this, feel free to move along.) But I've been on this app every day since, because of 911.

(starting the read more here to spare you- again especially if you are tagged, I know you're probably feeling miserable rn but I do hope the entirety of this love letter reaches you)

I started "watching" mid season 5- by which I mean I was in a deep depressive state after disconnecting with previous media hyperfixation and, when I happened upon 911 trending while in need of distraction, I quickly fell down a rabbit hole. Tale as old as time, tumblr dot com convinces you that you need to tune into *insert media here* bc its fun and there are gay people! I caught myself up through all the big blogs and by the time May Day was airing I felt like I had a decent grasp on all the lore, all the fandom drama, all the places the writers were "definitely, so brilliantly" going to be taking the show that we had to look forward to, all without ever having actually seen an episode of the show (before you boo me, yes I've watched it by now, even season 1)

But I think it is important, and also a little messed up, that I fell in love with 911 through YOU, through the fans. Obviously watching the show initially through the lens of fan reactions first and not whats actually happening on screen can have some... interesting results. We've heard it all before, with the people who started watching specifically for Buddie around season 4/5 because they saw The Will and by the time they caught themselves up and watched the end of season 6 they wanted their refunds.

Here is where I want to make a clarification- the reason I got so interested, why I started coming back every day to check in on tags and certain favorite blogs I didn't even follow bc I was denying the want to become fully Involved, was because I fell in love with Evan Buckley. I won't lie, it was Buddie that caught my attention first- of course, thats what everyone here was talking about- and as much as I quickly started discover the value of the show outside of them (Henren my absolute Beloveds!!!!! Captain Dad Bobby Nash you are so special to ME. Chimney man of all time i can keep going) none of it was enough initially to bite the bullet and catch up on 5 seasons worth of a show I also knew would have elements I WASNT interested in (Copaganda and Taylor Kelly I am looking at you.)

But then I started really getting into fan's readings of Buck *insert footage of me learning the Buck Begins of it all for the first time* as a character separate from Eddie (as much as people were capable of anyway, and I will say some of yall continue to be absolutely atrocious at it) and I knew I was done for. Buck, this character so full of goodness, and his need to be Found but to also Find his own family and purpose and sense of self, for whom the show's thesis statement concerns the act of working to Make the kind of Love you want to have in this world, even if you were raised without a blueprint for it- I'm sorry but what else were me and my gay ass queer reading inclined hyperfixated brain to do other than take Evan Buckley into the folds and never let him go?

I love Buck. I was convinced by the time the s5 finale was airing before I had actually watched the show that Buck had to be bi. Even if they never did a thing with it you couldn't convince me otherwise and I was also confident that Oliver was portraying him with a similar mindset. I never wavered in that interpretation, even when the utter disappointment of the s6 finale and the failure to do anything truly meaningful character development wise through the lightning strike-Natalia speed run hit, and certainly not as I got fully caught up actually watching the show outside of tumblr live reactions during episode airings. I'll admit I was pretty ready to Check Out after the end of season 6, to the point where I hardly checked in on fandom at all going into 7 until the rumblings of possible canon Bi Buck reached me and I doubled back like "hold on, for real this time?" But when I say Check Out, I mean I was ready to walk away from the hyperfixation with a joint lack of satisfaction with canon & firm conviction that Buck was queer.

Things with Eddie are a lil different- and I want to try and keep this bit brief bc this is ultimately a post about Buck and Bucktommy and I have no interest in unsettling those of you who may have a queer reading connection to Eddie as real as the one I feel for Buck, but unfortunately this conversation cannot exist separately from the Eddie/Buddie of it all- I personally don't think Eddie is queer. I don't really think I ever did, even when I was in the thick of it with falling for Buddie. I know me saying this would cause certain audience to pelt me with accusations of fetishizing Buck or treating Eddie as nothing more than a vehicle for Queer Buck via Buddie- false! I actually think Eddie is an incredibly fascinating character, a deeply compelling representation of grief and fatherhood and masculinity, and also a hilariously weird lil bitch guy. I just don't feel like- especially having removed fanon glasses while actually starting to watch the show, and taking the time to acknowledge that the things about Buddie that appealed to me on a romantic level (this is NOT about their friendship which i stand by being beautiful and important) all boiled down elements I was reading within and onto BUCK specifically, not Eddie. Perhaps an impossible concept for some, the idea that Bi Buck could feel so real and apparent to me primarily divorced from the idea that Eddie had to be queer as well, but I won't bore you with my explanations for it, though I suspect the people tagged and still reading by this point know exactly what I am talking about.

All of this potentially obnoxious prologue to say, I've spent the last however many months falling in love with canon Bi Buck *insert footage of me speed running back into my daily fandom involvement/blog check ins the moment I knew Buck kissed a man*, with Bucktommy, and with Bucktommy fans.

For a long while there I had resigned myself to an odd, though perhaps not as unique as I thought, reality of loving and fully believing in Queer Buck, not necessarily feeling the same about Eddie or Buddie, but also in full agreement with many that already 6 seasons in with literally nothing else having remotely worked, Buddie would be the only satisfying conclusion for Buck's love story. This is again not exactly how I felt about Eddie- but a big part of that for me is that I don't think Eddie's primarily story in 911 is a love story. He's the vessel for telling other important, beautiful stories about fatherhood and forgiveness and that is OKAY bc not every characters story is a love story!!! Evan Buckley's is though (Despite some very weird and confusing things mr stark has just said about his character that actively contradict what hes previously said and what audiences have been looking at and for this entire time, but I digress)

But then! By whatever happy accident we want to call it 911 had Tommy Kinard fall back into its lap as the solution to what felt like the impossible: They found the ONE way they could introduce a non Eddie Diaz love interest for Buck that COULD be satisfying for Bucks story. Someone with connections to the 118 and the shows history and potential for further development within main storylines as his job directly pertains to their plots. Someone with such compelling connections for interweaving these two characters that it got us- including the showrunner- talking about the Red String of Fate. That it got some of the beloved tumblr pals I had been watching for years, who NEVER would have believed they'd ever root for a Buck endgame that wasnt Buddie doing exactly that, and with joy, love, and conviction. Again I'll ask, what else were me and my Buck loving brain to do but take Bucktommy into the folds and never let go? (apparently I hadn't considered that there was apparently horrifying alternative- more on that next!)

As you all damn well know, falling in love with Bucktommy has not come without its trails. I have never seen things in fandom as vile as the things I've seen go down here. And as I mentioned before, I've been IN IT with yall for a while, even if you didnt know it. I was here, lurking, and I know this fandom has had its highlight reels of racism and misogyny and harassment (despite certain factions current batshit consensus that things were "never bad" before *gasp* a couple of people, some over the ancient age *double gasp* of 30 heard about bucktommy through tumblr the same damn way the 90% of you who havent been watching since season 1 heard about buddie and decided to invest)

What happened tonight made me cry, for about 40 minutes straight. And yeah, its been a devastating week for us all for a lot of reasons. On top of the ~national dread (I'm a lesbian in the US btw) today was my 7th out of 9 straight days of open to close shifts in a demanding retail/management position, and I have a head cold so maybe this was just a Breaking Point after a whole lotta shit.

But also, maybe, it was really fucking shitty to watch this play out. I've already seen countless people say it better than I could. Yeah, its a tv show. It's a fictional ship. But its also escapism, a spot of joy many of us were extra dependent on this week. It was something GOOD, queer representation and a love story on national tv days after a horrifying reality set in for queer people, and we are allowed to acknowledge how much losing that sucks just on a general level for a second...

Second over, now lets talk not on the general level. Lets talk about how I've watched real human beings get harassed, sent death threats, be told they are faking cancer and failing to properly grieve dead loved ones, I've watched deeply homphobic language be adopted and incorporated into everyday use despite constant correction and pleas from queer men to knock it the hell off, I've watched homophia as a whole run rampant and unchecked by big blogs, with some biphobia to boot, I've seen some images of horrific anti gay violence and historical trauma invoked as a way to make fun of others, I've seen lesbianism slandered and proffered as an excuse for such vile behavior in a disgusting erasure of the beautiful solidarity that has historically existed between gay men and lesbians in the face of homophobia, and yes, I've seen graphic descriptions of child rape via targeted fanfiction attacks.

Again, others have already said it better than I can: This isn't about Bucktommy. It's about the way that everyone who was Pulling for them as a couple, who DARED to *checks scribble on hand* enjoy a canon queer mlm couple featuring a character (or two) they've grown to care deeply for, has been subjected to all the above mentioned and more, and for...what. For. What.

In the name of a fanon couple that has not been legitimized by the writers in 7 years? of a fanon character interpretation of a canonically straight man (not just assumed straight, verbally assigned straight now on multiple occasions) that people cannot fathom perceiving this show, let alone liking these characters, without? For the version of this story that, if the writers REALLY wanted to happen could have happened so many fucking times by now- especially when the show was coming to what might have been its end in s6- and still hasn't? A version that has been dismissed multiple times by the writers cast crew and every other unfortunate individual who has been harassed repeatedly about it?

And I'm not here to say Buddie is inherently bad!!!! It brought me into this same as the rest of you. I don't even believe it would necessarily be a bad or wrong conclusion for either character or the show were it to eventually, finally happen!! But for the love of god, hear me when i say from the outsider pov of someone who has experience the show in the way I did first through fandom then stepping back to watch for real and now watching it with my mother who is a near Exact representation of the general audience of this show (experienced Procedural watcher, no idea about Buddie or fandom interpretation, had no sense of gay eddie to speak of, and is not shocked but pleasantly surprised by and endeared by Bi Buck) you are SEVERELY deluded if you think what happened tonight by breaking up Bucktommy "makes sense" to any audience outside of buddies who've been writing manifestos for years about how every single thing in this show is "carefully, intentionally, clearly" leading to Buddie canon. I swear to you the people at home do not fucking see it. The people at home saw Buck in a nice, developing relationship that finally seemed to be going somewhere real for him after discovering an important part of his identity late in life, and then they saw that relationship abruptly ended and Buck heartbroken, going to sit with his best, still straight, bud Eddie Diaz. The ONLY people this makes sense for are the people who I am afraid it seems may have legimately bullied this into happening.

And if that is the case? We are sooo far fucking past the point of no return here. There is no true satisfaction in a Buddie canon endgame here for anyone who's lived through the past half a year in this fandom unless you were a perpetrator of any of the horrific shit mentioned above. I mean that with my whole fucking chest. If, and i do think it is a Big Fucking Fat if, Buddie does happen, and you find yourself no qualms happy and satisfied with it as your well earned endgame, I hope you know how rotted you are. And while I'm at it, I hope some way some how you come to see that this was not the carefully crafted beautifully developed loved story of all time you were gods bravest soldier in waiting for. Its just what left after years of meandering storytelling and cyclical character "development" with a bow slapped on top at the last moment because the gift giver was afraid you might kill them if they presented less.

Anyway. I said a million words ago that this was a love letter, and I do mean that. As much as its also been an mental health exercise for me to write this all out. So,

@kinardbuckleys @bucksboobs @kirkaut @tevankinkley @userautumn @sunglassesmish @tommyscurls @ohithankyou @buckxtommy @princessfbi @bigfootsmom @firewasabeast

(And so many other people I'm surely forgetting, and the few artists and writters on other platforms I dared to venture to- maybe never opening twitter again after this xoxo)

Thank you. You don't know me, I never quite got over the anxiety of trying to re-enter a fandom space after a time away, or maybe some of the imposter syndrome or embarrassment I felt accidentally falling in love with this show and Buck by just watching you all talk about him before anything else. But for the last few months, some of you years, you've been my community, my escape. I've loved watching your brains and your hearts work to discuss and create, even amidst the absolute shittiest fandom behavior Ive ever seen. And I am as grateful for getting to experience it from a far as I am devastated at the thought of losing it, of not individually typing in all your blog names (I was too anxious to even FOLLOW you guys truly rip) to see what new content or spec or art or love you had to share about Buck / Bucktommy every day.

In another life- one where idk perhaps people were kinder or showrunners weren't bullied and actors weren't dropped last minute after months of torment and a satisfying canon queer love story for a character who genuinely needs it could just Be in peace- I would have loved to one day put on my big girl pants (aka saved Buck url) joined the fandom for real. To have directly talked to any of you in a way that wasnt... this.

I would have loved to love Bucktommy with you.

[the-tech-turn]

I rewatched How to Train Your Dragon recently, and since you opened up drawing requests, I think Tech would have so much fun meeting and learning about dragons. He kind of reminds me of Fishlegs, but with Hiccup’s crazy ideas.

I finally got to this!

Okay so in this viking au I imagine tech finding toothless (or another dragon I just choose toothless here) in a forest. I think he'd have the same reaction as he did to the zillo beast.

I'm definitely gonna make a fully colored version of Tech's design and I really want to dive into this concept more because I absolutely believe Tech would love these creatures!

Before I do that I want to actually watch the Httyd movies because I...haven't seen them...ever.

Edit: I'm going to actually post the drawing properly instead of a picture of my tablet I just have no wifi rn lol)

Prompt Requests

Prompt Requests masterlist

[boneyardbob]

Marble Hornet headcanons everyone come gobble em up before they get cold!!! @forgottenporkbun @monszsterz

So my headcanons for MH are a lot less conceret than those for the creepypastas cause ngl, I'm still trying to figure out wtf happened in MH. I haven't read the comics yet so I'm going off the main videos only. I've rewatched them a few times and read the theories but I'm still left with a few questions, and some theories I have fall apart when paired against certain videos SO take everything with a grain of salt. Even WORSE is I'm still playing around with how I want to write these scenarios and dynamics because they change drastically based on what theory I'm going with at the time.

Starting off, I think The Operator (TO) is doing a lot of experimentation. Each person in MH is affected differently cause no two people have the exact same type of TO disease. The closest are probably Jay and Brian, funny enough, because both were infected by Tim. Tim is patient zero for the disease in the sense that he doesn't just have it, he IS IT. Each cell in Tim's body contains a little speck of TO that, when transferred to others, can multiply and spread into a spiritual parasite. It reacts differently to Alex because he's also hand picked by TO. We know Alex had been stalked by him from an early age, maybe his whole life. When he got infected it triggered a sleeper agent type parasite in him. He's a lot more aggressive, violent, and bold. I think the difference stems from where the seed of The Operator has been planted. For Tim its the body, and Alex I honestly think its the soul. I could say mind but I actually think that applies better to Seth (and Ticci Toby but I'm trying not to include creepypastas in this rn). If the disease works through the bodies of Tim, Brian, and Jay it makes sense why normal prescription medication works to stop it. If that's the case why isn't everyone infected and wipes out the world? We were nearly at the end of MH by the time Jay started REALLY showing signs of no return. At almost any point he could have left got some medication, and probably get over it! I mean its like, entry 80 before we see him wandering around in a daze and hallucinating, right? His symptoms always get worse when he's in an infected area or around Tim for a prolonged amount of time. Jessica on the other hand seems to catch it really fast. Like REALLY fast. A single interaction in Rosswood has her just as bad as Jay, who had been on the run for almost two years surrounding himself with this shit. She has also been stalked by TO since a young age. I won't be able to get into her more until I read the comics tho.

I see a lot of people confused as to what Brian's status ends up being with both The Operator and his friends cause me too tbh. His motives are constantly bouncing around. One thing I know is he is still buddy buddy with TO. Some people say he's fighting against him but I don't get that at all from the videos. He's either using special powers he was given or TO is monitoring him and stepping in when possible to teleport him to safety. If TO is wanting followers then it makes sense he'd encourage Brian to lure Tim back into it with him. The issue is Alex is ALSO a follower. The Operator finds himself in a pickle when his girls are fighting one another. This is where I really get thrown off. An easy answer would be The Operator is an inhumane, eldrich, perhaps fae monster with no understanding of how humans really work. This, paired with the fact his followers have NO idea what he really wants them to do, means miscommunication and chaos ensue. When Tim is killing Alex in the final entries TO bounces around BOTH of them to get in their way. We know he's fully capable of tossing Tim off to the other side of the woods, or snatching Alex out of danger, but he doesn't. He's watching....I think he wants to see which style of infection is better. Tim's disease, or Alex's corruption. Which makes a better follower. This falls apart when you remember how close Brian came to killing Alex and he got saved by TO. Again you can sweep this under the rug by saying either A: He wans't done having fun yet or B: It had to be Tim. The OP doesn't give a FUCK about Jay dying, he lets him get shot and then scoops him up for devouring. Same about Brian, he lets him *fall*. They're supplemental to the game. Its all about Tim and Alex.

Now my FAVORITE headcanon of all time I use everywhere no matter WHAT...Tim is The Operator's favorite. If we wanna include pre-MH lore about Slenderman, aka his origins in the photoshop contest, then we learn he's been trying to do something like this for a very long time. Tim may be the first person ever directly infected by The Operator to live to adulthood. He may also be the first one to consistently fall back into a state of obedience, aka, a masked state where he's being crazy in Rosswood in the middle of the night. That makes him the favorite child. He is disobedient to The Operator, curses him, openly hates him, and physically fights against him throughout ALL of Marble Hornets and yet Tim never gets killed or devoured. He definitely comes close to both. I think him being teleported around is The Operator's most merciful form of punishment to shake some sense into his first follower. Its basically evil time out lmao. He just ALMOST snags two more followers in Brian and Jay but alas we know how that ends. In most people's "fix it" au, or "no one dies" au, that isn't an issue. My "no one dies" au transfers into creepypastas and the mansion and there is a direct tie in there with Ticci Toby, his similarities to Tim, their relationship, and how The Operator acts. The best way I explain it (and the way that makes me laugh the most) is saying TO is like parents who were cruel af to their eldest child, but by their youngest, they're completely different people and wonderful parents. I wouldn't call Slenderman a wonderful parent even in a very wholesome creepypasta mansion Au but he's definitely BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING IN MH!!! This results in the younger children (pastas) having no idea why the eldest children (Tim and Brian) fucking hate their parents. Its a very good silly dynamic to wrap up the most gut wrenching, tragic yaoi I have ever watched.

[mattsgirlie]

never existed part 2- chris sturniolo x fem! reader

warnings: mentions of cheating, soft dom!chris, angst, mentions of drinking and smut.

word count: 3000 (sorry)

My relationship with Matt was honestly far better than it was two months ago, after i completely ended things with Chris, Matt and I became official and got a chance to get it right.

That didn't stop Chris from staring at us across the room with a pathetic entitled attitude like he knew something we didn't every time he was around, which was barely since he was jumping from party to party every night.

Matt didn't quite understood why his brother became so constantly bitter and mad towards everyone, especially the two of us but thought he was just going through a phase.

Nick even shared his theory about Chris being in love with someone and i laughed, "As if he was capable of that" was my answer.

Matt is out tonight and i just chose to stay home with Nick watching movies. Nick is my best friend since middle school and hiding from him what happened between me and Chris made me almost lose it.

"I know it was before you and Matt became official but it doesn't make it less fucked up girl. I love you and i'm sorry but i can't back you up on this one, you gotta tell Matt"

Nick said from the other side of the couch and i nodded in agreement knowing he was fully right.

"I know but i was- Well i am so scared, me and Matt are finally working out....but yeah i have to tell him, i can't base our relationship on a lie"

"What about Chris?"

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Do you feel something for him or was it just casual?" He asked trying to understand the full picture and i sigh heavily.

"I can't say i haven't thought about it but Chris was always more of a friend with benefits type of thing, he is not the guy to catch feelings i guess"

"I don't know about that...i always saw the way he looked at you and talked about you, and now that you told me this it kinda makes sense with this attitude problems" Nick said frankly, concerned about his younger brother.

"Nah, he probably is just mad he lost a fuck buddy that's all..." I try my best to brush it off but his words actually got me thinking

He simply agreed and we switched topics as he noticed i was uncomfortable, plus we had a lot of catching up to do. We decided to put on classic disney movies and stay up all night like old times.

Already 2 movies in my phone rings with the name "Christopher" bright on the screen and it took me a minute thinking if i should even read it after almost three months without us having a proper conversation.

Christopher: my room rn

Christopher: its urgent

Christopher: i wouldnt text you if it wasnt and yk it

My hands are shaking at this point as i almost immediately stand up, i know he is right he would never text me if it wasn't important.

"Be right back, bathroom" I mumbled in a hurry, not even waiting for Nick to say anything back as i make my way up to Chris' room.

I knock two times and get no answer back, i stand there in silence for a while until i hear him mumbling a "Come in".

I walk in to see Chris on the floor with his back leaning on the foot of the bed, the lights were all off except for the LED in purple.

Chris had some empty bottles badly hidden under the bed and he looked half drunk, his phone was tossed on the carpet with our chat opened.

He looked deadened, his expression was dull as i ran to him "Chris what the fuck happened??"

"You happened" was what he answered almost immediately whilst i stood there astonished "What is that even supposed to mean?"

He looked up at me and i swallowed a lump of air, he didn't even say a word.

"You called me here, what did you want?" i insisted as i sat next to him still apprehensive and confused

"I wanted to tell you something but first i gotta ask you a question, after that you can go back to pretending i never existed or whatever"

His voice was raspy and bitter, not like usually because this time i could tell he was truly hurt "You know it's not that simple, Chris"

I say feeling the guilt wash me over "Yeah, your relationship is great you don't need me anymore, i see it pretty simply actually" He adjusted his posture still sounding mad.

"Ask your question, Christopher" I look him in the eyes getting equally angry trying to find a way out of that topic.

"Why'd you chose him?"

I was stunned for a second but answered the first thing that came to mind "You never said choosing you was an option"

Chris looks at me in genuine surprise like he didn't expect that to be my answer, carefully thinking about his next words.

"So would you? If you thought it was an option?" He asked low, almost shyly which surprised me to say the least as i grew just as angry as him with his question about an impossible case scenario.

"Don't put me in this position Chris you know it's fucking complicated. I'm with Matt now and we are finally making it work and i don't wanna-"

"He doesn't deserve you" he cuts me mid sentence growing angrier and impatient.

"What do you know about deserving? You always treated me like i was your fuck toy and when i get the chance to be happy for once you come back with this"

"You were my fuck toy? Are you actually being serious right now? If anything you would only text me when you wanted to fuck away all the shit he put you through, not the other way around"

At this point Nick could probably hear us shouting but that wasn't our main concern as i felt my face go red considering his words.

"When i first came into this room i was looking for a friend that i really saw in you, one thing lead to another and i'm so sorry it happend that way but now i am truly happy why can't you just fucking accept that??!"

"It's not a matter of accepting is just that-"

"What Chris? Just say it already!"

"He is cheating on you" He half shouted again looking down to his lap and to me as he kept going "He has been for a long time now and he probably is as we speak"

I had no words. When i used to go to Chris for a casual thing i knew with Matt i wasn't the only one either just the main, although we fought a lot and had disagreements he seemed genuine when he asked me to be his real girlfriend two months ago and promised everything would be different.

"Does he know about me and you?" I said in an indescribable tone and Chris looked up again checking for any signs of reaction "I don't think so"

"And i felt fucking guilty for not telling him while he had a side bitch all along" I laughed in disbelief.

I went under his bed getting a full bottle and opening it without warning "What the fuck are you doing??"

"How long did you know about that?" I ask back, drinking straight from the bottle as he looked at me with concern then grabbed his phone going through his camere roll.

"Since last night for sure but i've been suspecting for a while. We went out together and he started making out with this girl that said she was his 'close friend' out of nowhere, i even had to uber home"

He shows me a photo where she is sitting on his lap in some photobooth at a random party.

"He thought i was too drunk to notice but they seem to go a long way, i figured you should know" He sounds calmer now, even subtly sweet "Hey go easy with that" He warns about the drink.

"Stop acting like you care" I chuckle ironically whilst standing up and he follows me "If i didn't care about you i wouldn't even have told you about this, have you thought about that?"

"If i didn't care about you i wouldn't have fought with my own brother for being a shitty boyfriend to you today" He walked towards me and i felt my limbs go numb.

"I wouldn't have you in my room when you guys would fight although i was only hurting my own feelings in return because i loved you so damn much since then"

Our faces are now inches apart, his eyes are pitch black and i couldn't breathe for a second "Did you just say you loved me?"

He goes silent again, he breaths heavily starting to walk away and i follow.

"Don't turn your fucking back on me Christopher i asked you a question, did you mean it?"

"Yeah i did but does it change shit?" He turns back around and i see his eyes getting teary "I love you and it's fucking hard cause i never loved anyone before and you don't love me back how am i supposed to feel?"

This is the most serious he has ever sound in his life and it hurts me to see how genuine his feelings are.

"But you always acted like it was no big deal when we were together. Chris, we barely even talked once we started to mess things up" I realized my bad wording once i saw him trying to hide his tears starring down the carpet.

"So that's all i was to you? Just a fucking slip huh?" his voice cracked and he turned back in a deep breath.

"Chris...listen to me" I get closer, facing him as i place my hands on his shoulder.

"Theres too much going on right now but i need you to understand that you meant- ...you mean a lot to me, you were always there for me since middle school and i always loved and admired you"

We are both tearing at this point and i see his expression softening.

"You were never just a slip, you're one of my favorite persons and i don't know what i would've done if Matt didn't introduce me to you and Nick back then and God i just-" He wipes my tears away delicately.

"You're not gonna pull the 'i wish i met you earlier' shit are you?" He jokes and i sigh in relief since this is the nicest we have been to each other in a long time.

"Im not the girl for this and you know it" i joke back and he smiles slightly "I just wish this whole thing wasn't so fucked up"

"Tell me about it, has been the main thing in my mind since the last time you were here" Chris looks at the bed then at me as if he was reminiscing.

"I missed you a lot when i left but it really thought it was for the best....if i knew this was how it would end i-"

"You would stay?" He asked seriously.

I take a minute to consider my answer, my brain still trying to sink in all the information.

"Yes....i would've stayed" We are now dangerously close, my hands around his shoulders and his are cupping my cheeks as our noses almost brush and i can feel his breath.

"So stay now" He holds me closer by my waist and i gasp at his sudden move "Be mine now, please"

And with that our faces gravitate towards each other's like it was meant to be, noses brushing and lips connected passionately.

Right here it feels so right for both of our dizzy broken hearts as we finally found the comfort we both so seeked for in others.

We sloppy moved towards the bed never breaking the kiss and soon i was on top of him while grabbing his hair.

"Do you want me to be all yours?" I asked straddling him as my hands moved to cup his cheeks.

"Thats all i need, please i want all of you" He pleaded holding my hips and i was surprised to see the change in his demeanor but that didn't mean i was fully enjoying it.

We kiss again this time more eagerly whilst our clothed hips rock against each other seeking friction "You have me, baby"

And with that Chris possessivly groans, he then trailed kisses down my neck and collarbone "I never got a chance to mark you up, now i can show everyone that you're mine, no one elses"

He explained while marking that one sweet spot which causes me to moan. My hands find their way under his shirt, my fingernails now scratching his back just as territorial as Chris and he chuckles.

"We're re such a lost cause" he mumbles as he moves to take off both our shirts.

"We so are" i chuckle getting up to remove the sweatpants i had on and he smiles.

"What? theres nothing here you haven't seen before" i joke taunting he just grabs my hips pulling me towards him.

"Its 'cause i know i will be the only one seeing this from now on"

He looks up at me as im still standing, pressing a gentle kiss on my lower stomach going down my thighs causing me to chuckle.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Chris affirmed almost immediately as his hands trailed up to remove my panties, kissing and worshiping my whole body as he did so.

It was different then any other time we had sex. It was intimate, not just two bodies but actual feelings involved still just as eager.

"What d'you want me to do princess? want me to kiss you here huh?" he kissed my inner thigh and my hands move to grab his hair as i whimpered.

"Want me to eat you out? make you cum in my tongue over and over again?" And he started doing so causing me to gasp.

"Yes... Chris! doing so good for me hm" He looks up at me lustfully flicking his tongue.

"So fucking wet for me...you have no idea how much i missed this." He groans between my legs and i whine.

"I-mhpm...I do! I missed this too fuck i missed the way you make me feel" I confess and he stops his movements suddenly getting up to kiss me again.

"Now you have me, baby and i'm not about to let you go ever again" He moves us over to the bed again, this time removing his sweatpants and underwear.

Stroking himself a feel times he hums over me "Ready?" He asked positioning between my legs.

"Wait! can you grab your phone for me baby?" I ask and he frowns confused but does it anyway handing it to me unlocked.

"Im ready now love" I smile devilishly and he does the same as he starts to push his dick inside me in deep slow thrusts, the room filled up with our moans as i sloppy try to find a specific number on his phone.

"Fuck....Chris! Right there, oh my god! Faster please please" I plea as i feel he hit the right spot clenching around him i feel him throb.

"Baby i wont last longer if you keep saying my n-name and tightening around me like that" He tilts his head back but quickly looks back at me when he hears his phone ringing.

"Don't worry about it, just lay on your back, can you do that for me?" I say before he can even think of an answer and we switch positions, me being now on top of him, sinking down my hips.

"Im going to ride you and all you have to do is be as loud as you can okay?" I start bouncing up and down and he just nods with his eyes shut feeling the pleasure.

"Matt! Finally...mhp W-where are you baby?" I say with difficulty due to my moves and I see Chris confused whisper shouts a 'what are you doing?!' and i put it on speaker.

"Im...out with friends like i told you, wait why are you calling from Chris's phone?" He asked confused and i just roll my eyes passing the phone to Chris, winking

"Hm...hey bro s-she fuck! she is busy right now but i can answer that one" He moans getting the message as i go faster and faster.

"What the fuck are you two doing? Give her the phone i wanna talk to my girlfriend" Matt says impatiently on the other side understanding what is going on

Chris presses a finger on my clit rubbing it which makes me shout his name "Your ex girlfriend is getting the treatment she deserves Matthew can you believe it? I'm so deep inside her right now she's never going back to you again, tell him baby"

He's enjoying it just as much as i am, gladly being louder as i feel my orgasm approach taking the phone back "Im s-so sorry for your side bitch...she will never get to cum like im about to right now" i hear him yelling that he's coming back home and with that i hang up.

Chris is half sitting to get support to thrust up now meeting my motions, he gives special attention to my boobs making me squeeze him inside me and our orgasms hit almost at the same time

His mouth hovered over my neck going to my earlobe were we bites and whispers.

"Such exhibitionists aren't we?"

We laughed, i lie on top of him whilst he brushed his fingers over my hair. After a while he carries me to his bathroom and clean us up.

Once we are back at his bed he hands me one of his favorite shirts and holds me tight, his arm pulling me closer.

"That's the first time im actually staying in" I comment smiling at our fingers intertwined.

"Get used to it 'cause you're never leaving"