#haven't had a panic attack in a while

[bluebellhairpin]

oh cool. what is this. haven't had one in a while. I think the worst is over but lets see if I can pull away from it a bit more.

[eddiesfaerie]

who you let in

Summary: Jack has a soft spot. He didn't expect you to be the one to find it. (6.9k words) read on ao3 here

Pairing: Jack Abbot x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, porn with plot (the storyteller within me can't help it), unspecified age gap, hurt/comfort for both of them LOL, canon typical gore? medical stuff? idk, panic attacks, trauma, angst, power dynamics (reader's a med student), suicidal ideation, Jack being flustered, oral (m receiving because he needs it), big dick Jack, fingering, rushed sex despite how long this fic is i'm sorry, unprotected PIV sex, Jack's sort of a soft dom, semi-public sex, praise kink, competency kink, lots of fleshy bodily words in here to describe lust idk

AAAAA i just spent all day writing this yes i'm embarrassed <3 also haven't posted my writing in like actual years at this point.... anyways be nice to me

It’s unlike you, Jack thinks to himself, to look so out of it. 

GSW to the chest. A young girl in her early twenties maybe. She’s lost a lot of blood. Her blonde hair somehow already matted with it, so much so that she could pass as a natural brunette. It’s gone dark with oxygen and coagulation. 

Your team huddles around her, as do the other units around the dozens and dozens of gurneys being brought in one after the other, unrelenting and without promise to end soon. 

All protocols you’ve learned in the last year are out the window. Disregarded for the mass casualty event that was PittFest. None of the residents had ever seen anything like this, you’d never seen anything like this. This was the most action you’d ever witnessed and suddenly you felt like there was a balloon in your own chest, compressing air flow or blood flow or something to your head. 

All the blood, the smell of metal inescapable no matter which section of the ER you were suddenly rushed to. 

Your knees go weak, they shake, your hands shake. Everything’s wrong- 

“She’s going white Abbot pull her out.” 

You hear your attending huff from right behind you before his hand finds your bicep, curling around it and pulling you from where you leaned over the patient. You can hardly protest, your mind elsewhere and your feet blindly follow Dr Abbot who leads you to the family room. 

“Robby I need you to cover over on the GSW to the chest for a sec.” He calls over, his voice ringing in your ears, your mind trying to focus on one single thing but everything’s registering all at once. His hand on your arm, all the beeping, the cries of agony, tubes being intubated and balloons being puffed into chests. It all seems a lot further away when Abbot closes the door. 

You never thought you were particularly his favourite. You’re much younger and typically too upbeat. You clash naturally, he’s not drawn to you and you’re not drawn to him.

Dr Abbot is unafraid of correcting you in front of your peers. After a year now of him being your attending you’ve become familiar with his ways but that doesn’t mean you’re any more appreciative of the public humiliations.

There’s something about these older ex military men, the ones who joined too young and have been in the system ever since, climbing up and up the ranks, hardening at each level to a point where disassociation is expected. Hold it in, hold it together. There’s is no I in team. All for one and one for all. All that bullshit. 

Dr Abbot wasn’t really that guy to a T but hell was he uncrackable, unshakeable, hard as stone. No doubt it’s helped him here in the ER, you’ve never seen someone as laser focused and capable as Dr Abbot. It’s almost effortless for him, it seems. Like he doesn’t have to think twice about anything. His confidence is unmatched and you’d always admired that, no matter how much you thought he disliked you. So yeah it was kind of surprising when he was the one to pull you away for a time out. 

Jack never meant to become so attuned to you. He didn’t do it on purpose. He blames it on being your attending for a while now, he’s worked with you the closet over this past year and he knows how you work, how you operate. He didn’t mean to but it happened. He feels like he can read you like an open book, you wear your emotions on your sleeve, on your face. You’ve never been one to conceal how you were feeling, unlike him. So when you stopped talking, stopped making little remarks and little jokes, nearly frozen and clearly dissociating, he knew what was happening long before the resident called for you to be pulled out. He wanted to give you a moment to bounce back as you usually do. 

Dr Abbot closes the curtain to the family room, shutting the door. He turns around and finds you still awkwardly standing there, eyes far off, elsewhere. He had expected you to take a seat immediately, he doesn’t know what you’re still doing up considering how close you look to collapsing. 

“S-sorry I don’t know what’s happening, I-” You stammer, embarrassed yet not in control of whatever’s taking over your mind and body. 

“Hey, hey stay with me, kid. Don’t go to that place.”

Abbot puts his hand softly on the middle of your back, guiding you to the chair. You sit down reluctantly, unable to move your body in a coordinated way for some reason. He kneels in front of you, groaning as he goes down and his knees cracking. 

“Listen, don’t tell anyone but I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks, okay?”

“Is that- is that what’s happening?” You ask dumbly, squeezing your eyes shut. You suddenly feel dizzy. Not enough oxygen to the brain.

“How does your chest feel? Can you breathe?” 

“I feel like I can’t.” 

“Then yeah, that’s what’s happening.” 

Your lip wobbles despite how much you’re still trying to hold it together, that much Abbot can tell. You’re fighting like hell against this panic attack which might only threaten to make things worse. He grabs your hand in his, squeezing lightly. You’re barely able to return it. 

“What are five things you can see?”

“W-What?” You sniffle.

“Tell me five things you can see, come on.” He squeezes your hand again, reassuringly. 

You try to take a deep breath but your diaphragm spasms and it comes in all shaky, causing you to hiccup like a child. 

“Y-you.”

Against all odds, Dr Abbot smiles. Incredibly small but you see it. 

“That’s right. What else?”

You try to take a deep breath again. “Uh, the paintings on the wall.”

Abbot nods. You continue. 

“The curtains. The chairs. The door.”

“Good. That’s good. What about four things you can touch?”

“Your hand.” You say most obviously, since he’s still holding your clammy hand in his. You’d be embarrassed if you weren’t so shaken up. 

Dr Abbot squeezes your hand again and this time you squeeze back, a silent thank you of sorts. 

“Um, my scrubs, my hair on my neck, the wind from the fan.” 

“Okay, now three things you can hear.” 

“Your voice.” Dr Abbot chuckles, like he was expecting it. 

“Sure.” He nods.

“You’re breathing.” You take a deep breath now, as if it reminded you. Abbot breathes deeply with you. 

You try to motion lazily to the door, “The doctors outside, I can hear them talking.”

“That’s right, and they’re being pretty loud, aren't they?” He tries to joke, to lighten the mood. 

You nod your head, yeah. 

“What about two things you can smell?”

You go to open your mouth but Abbot cuts you off again. 

“And don’t say me, we’re about an hour into this shift and I know I’m not smelling too pretty right now.” 

You laugh, you actually giggle a bit, albeit a bit breathless, your body still trying to catch up to your more relaxed mind. Jack smiles. 

“I can smell metal and disinfectant.” 

“Okay and one thing you can taste.” 

Your cheeks burn a bit. You know it doesn’t mean anything but when you started each sentence with something relating to him… You can’t help but think. 

“My stale gum.” 

Jack chuckles a bit, shaking his head. What were you doing with mouth in your gum. It’s not allowed on shift but everything had started so suddenly you hadn’t had a moment to toss it and you got scared on choking on it if you swallowed it. 

Abbot clicks his tongue at you in disapproval, holding out his open hand near your mouth. You look at him confused, but he just gestures to his outreached hand. 

“Spit it out, let’s go get you a new one, hmm?” 

Your face burns again, but you do what he says for some reason. 

Because he asked. 

He closes his palm around your gum for a moment before easily tossing it into the trash can in the corner of the room. 

Dr Abbot stands back up, knees cracking again. He helps you up, holding your elbows in each of his hands. You’re still a little wobbly, weak in the knees from your body’s sudden breakdown. You haven’t yet regained all your strength. 

You try to steady yourself, your hands gripping his forearms, trying to concentrate on the strength of him holding you up. 

You suddenly feel oddly close to him. Not just physically seeing as how close you two are standing but in the air, it feels like something’s shifted, like something’s irreparably been changed between you two. He’s just seen you at your most vulnerable, talked you through your first panic attack and even admitted to having experienced them himself. How many people in the ER can say they know that much about Dr Jack Abbot. 

Maybe you’re just over analyzing what’s transpired. 

“How you feeling?” His voice sounds out and you realize you had your eyes squeezed shut, when you open them Jack’s peering down at you, trying to give you the softest look he can muster. 

“I’m okay.” 

“Yeah? You don’t have to be.” You shake your head no. 

“No, no I’m good. Promise.”

“I’ve got my best med student back?”

You can’t help but look at him quizzically, laughing a little. 

“I don’t think I’m your best med student but sure, I’m back.” 

“Come on, take the compliment.” He quips and it surprises you. You didn’t think he’d press your objections. 

“I actually thought you-” Hated me, you want to say.

“I know.”

Oh. 

“I know I’m hard on you. But I only do it because I know you can take it. I think it makes you better.”

Your lips go into a hard line, you nod. Right….

“I mean, it doesn’t hurt to be told I’m doing good every now and then. I do think I’m tough, you’re right, but I don’t know… I like this side of you.” You admit before you can stop yourself. 

Now it’s Jack’s turn to blush. His cheeks go red in that boyish way and it blossoms all the way to the tips of his ears. Your heart leaps a bit. 

If you weren’t back to yourself before, you were now. You’re suddenly very aware of how close you’re standing even though you’ve both let go of each other. It was sobering. 

“Alright kid, as long as you don’t tell anyone.” He winks. 

You burn. 

“Promise.”

/

Things did, in fact, change after that.

Dr Abbot pulls you for huddles, just you and him now for feedback, no longer doing it in front of the other med students, doctors or attendees.

You stand closer to him, he stands closer to you in general. 

He’s not afraid to grab your hand and stop you from doing something. Or start something. The amount of times he’s guided you through a procedure you’d never done before with his steady hadn’t engulfing yours, guiding a blade smoothly through a patients skin or a thin tube through an incredibly small incision. 

You wondered if anyone noticed. If anyone had become attune to the fact that you followed each other around like each other’s shadows. Never one without the other. You could see Princess and Perlah whispering to each other whenever you stood close to Dr Abbot, you couldn’t help but smile at the fact that at least someone noticed how he’d picked you as his favourite and warmed up to you. It made you feel special, all girlish and giggly even though it absolutely shouldn’t. 

A new unusual sound had started to fill the ER. Jack Abbot’s laughter, even quiet giggles fuelled by none other than you. Not even Robby, once his rival now best friend in the ER, could get that sound out of him as often as you do. 

Jack gets you sandwiches, juice boxes from the cafeteria when you look particularly out of it or if the moment granted a quick escape for food. He’d find a chocolate bar or anything to perk you up on days where you weren’t doing so hot, or had a particularly anguishing patient. Death was inescapable in the ER, everyone knew that but not everyone handled it well, it didn’t matter how well versed or experienced you were in the medical industry. 

Not even Jack himself. 

The night shift was now coming to a close, meaning the clock was close to striking 7am. That awkward time before the day shift shows up and the night team goes home to sleep through the day, all to start again in 12 hours. 

It was weird working in the off hours, you felt like a vampire or a bat, you thought to yourself as you climbed the steps to the roof, trying to find Jack. You knew him well now, and you know where he goes to run away when he can’t handle the weight of the shift anymore. 

You open the door, it creaked open annoyingly loud, announcing you rather ungraciously. 

Jack drops his head low at the sound of the door opening. He knew it was you coming to find him. He leans back against the railing behind him. 

“What are you doing up here?” He asks, calling out to you without turning his head. The wind carries the sound of his voice to you. 

The sun is threatening to come up over the city line, light only beginning to spill upwards into the sky, painting the clouds all pretty shades of light blue, pink and orange. You struggle to take in the beauty due to the night that just transpired. 

The vet hit and run. It was a hard one on Jack. He’d known guys like that in the military. They seemed untouchable, surviving tour after tour. It was never easy to watch one go, especially the ones that made it home and get taken out in some seemingly avoidable way. 

Some church bell tolls in the distance. You approach him, unsure how to answer what you’re doing up here. Checking on you, wanting to make sure you’re okay, everyone’s worried but the reality was no one batted an eye at him escaping after spending the last two hours coding this guy into the system. This was how Jack operated. Disassociate, dissociate until he couldn’t anymore and his feet carried him up to the roof. Contemplating. 

So you don’t say anything, you just stand behind him. 

Jack’s skin looks golden up here. The light passing through his curls, catching the greys. Your heart tightens. 

“It’s always a rough way to end the night.” You offer, unsure of what else to say. 

“I must’ve had a reason at one time to keep coming back but… I can’t think of it right now.” Jack grips onto the railing, leaning forward and looking down below him. 

You instinctively reach out to him, your hand going for his bicep, it’s closest to you. Despite the cool early morning air, his skin was still hot to the touch, still coming down from what had just gone down in the ER room. 

“Jack…” You can’t help but sigh, silently pleading with him to stop. 

His head turns, dark eyes meeting yours. God he looks so sad, a man worn down. 

And you realize you’ve never called him by just his name. Just Jack. 

“D-Dr Abbot, I mean- sorry.” 

He doesn’t correct you. He doesn’t particularly care right now. And the way you said it makes his heart tight like your hand is on his arm. Palms clammy with being so high up and so close to a ledge. You never liked heights and you hate that he’s always flirted with them. 

He clicks his tongue, sighing before crouching down and reeling himself back over to your side of the railing. You sigh in relief, you hadn’t realized you were holding your breath. 

Jack is completely distraught. He looks wrecked, broken. 

Your hand still on his arm, he comes to face you, standing so close but you can’t find it in you to step away from him, not when he’s like this. 

Jack drops his forehead to your shoulder, you try not to freeze up at the sudden extreme closeness.

“Are you okay?” You ask dumbly, voice gone quiet because of how close he is. Your lips ghost over the shell of his ear, plush flesh on soft cartilage. Jack shivers, turning his head slightly and his nose pushes into your neck. 

What else is there to say to such a quiet man, lost in his own solitude of reflection. 

“No.” He says simply, plainly. 

Your heart aches for him. 

Your hand is still on his arm, you flatten it and trail it up to his shoulder, squeezing him there. 

He presses himself closer to you. You hold your breath, your heart threatening to leap up out of your throat. You swear he must feel it beating through his own chest. You think you can feel his. 

He trails his nose along your neck, up your ear. You can feel that subtle white beard that carves the angles of his face so sharply, so perfectly, colour so soft and white it nearly blends into his skin seamlessly. They catch at your skin in that scratchy way and its almost too much. 

His hands, they move and suddenly they’re on your waist, sliding around the circumference of you until he’s enveloped you in his strong arms. You can feel how sturdy he is, how solid and strong from years of exertion and force and yet you feel like you could blow away at any moment. This cannot be real. You can smell his hair, the remnants of his cologne peaking through the smell of antiseptic and disinfectant. You can smell him. 

He knows this shouldn’t really be happening. You both do. You’re both very much aware of that fact. Even though its just a hug its just a hug. Jack had been aware of it ever since that day in the family room when he first worried about you. Because that’s what friends do… they worry about each other, right? Friends….

Jack lets his nose travel higher, along your hairline behind your ear, relishing in the closeness of  another living, breathing human being. Warm flesh against flesh, closeness of muscles and organs. Hearts, beating. When was the last time this happened? When was the last time he let his walls down like this? You both wondered. 

“I’m sorry.” He offers lamely, voice quiet and matching yours. He tries to pull away from you but his body doesn’t get the memo, he stills clings to you. He’s afraid of what would happen if he were to let go now. Surely he’d crumble into nothing off this roof. 

He moves his head, nose against your cheek as your hands move to his chest, bunching up the fabric of his shirt in your palms. You don’t want him away either. You need him close, suddenly very close. Despite your breathlessness at the closeness, you think you’d stop breathing if he were to pull away now. You wouldn’t bear it. 

You shake your head no, “Don’t be.” You reassure him, voice still quiet. 

Something posses you and you nudge your nose with his, Jack sighs loudly, arms tightening around you and you sigh too. Your mouth opens in an innocent way, trying to get more oxygen to your brain. But you can feel his breath on yours, feel it fanning against your lips and you lean closer, pushing your nose into his again and he has to use every iota of strength within him to not lunge into you. 

This shouldn’t be happening, he reiterates to himself. All the alarms are going off in his head. He shouldn’t be touching you like this, he shouldn’t have grabbed you, you shouldn’t be letting him. You could both get in serious trouble for this. 

But you fist at his shirt, hands trembling against his chest, feeling him, muscles under supple flesh. Your lips part, small breath fanning against his lips and he breaks. He’s just a man. 

Jack presses his open mouth to yours, and you let him again for a reason he doesn’t quite understand. It’s sloppy in a desperate way, passionate and sad. You could cry if you weren’t so wrapped up in the feel of being completely encompassed by him, his soft lips on yours. 

You open your mouth wider, your hands moving from his chest to wrap your arms completely around his neck, hauling his body into yours as if you couldn’t get any closer. You wanted to meld into him. Bone fusing to bone. You let your tongue poke out and suddenly he’s right there with you, his tongue going as far into your mouth as it possibly can, trying to get to every inch of you. Jack whines and you burn at the pathetic sound. A grown man, whimpering for you. Your knees threaten to buckle. 

His body flush with yours, you can’t help but feel how his body reacts to you. Hard and solid against your hip, your leg as your bodies writhe against the other, pleading to get closer. 

“Jack,” you whimper into his mouth, unsure, testing. 

Jack lets his lips travel to the corner of your mouth, kissing every inch of you that he possibly can, your teeth as you say his name, your cheek, earlobe, the spot underneath your ear. 

“Tell me to stop.” He groans, hands moving back to their spot on your waist, trailing down to your hips where he grinds you against him, making that aching part of him known. 

You whimper again, eyes threatening to roll into the back of your head like the sun threatens to come over that edge and catch you both where you ought not to be. 

“I don’t want you to stop.” You admit, face burning even though you’re both as debauched and pathetic sounding as the other.

Boldly, you let one hand travel down from his neck, down his body to softly touch in between his legs, feeling where he’s hard, aching between his legs. He groans again, this time absolutely pained, his forehead dropping to yours. 

“W-We shouldn’t be doing this.” He admits, like you both don’t know that already. He’s practically begging you to give him a reason to stop this now, even though he knows he’s already too far gone to do anything at this point. You’re too warm, too welcoming and soft and willing. Salvation. 

“Especially not here.” You manage to laugh a little. Suddenly you pull away from Jack and he thinks that’s it, you’re calling it. His instincts propel him to check his watch to check the time. T.O.D. Time of death. He’s being dramatic. 

You pull him to the opening of the stairwell, creaking open that squeaky door once again and you lightly press him against the wall furthest away from the stairs.

It’s an enclosed space, a room up on the roof. You have to open another door to get to the stairs which lead all the way down to the ER, blocked by another set of doors. If someone were to go into the stairway, you’d hear them from a mile away. At least that’s what you hoped.

Jack let’s you move him, lets you press your body against his and kiss his tanned, freckled neck. Your hand finds its spot on his crotch, feeling him through his pants. God he hasn’t gone down an inch. He feels huge, painfully hard. You can’t believe you’re feeling him like this. You can’t believe The Jack Abbot is letting this happen, you can’t believe he wants it. With you. 

“Can I?” You ask, already lowering yourself to your knees. 

Jack just looks at you in complete and utter disbelief, mouth agape as he watches you get down on your knees, pressing your face to his clothed dick, kissing him through the fabric. Kill me now, he thinks. If anyone were to find you both like this… 

He feels like a dirty old man as you pull his cock from his pants, watching it spring up and slap his belly with wide eyes, like you need it, like you’re suddenly starving. 

His cock is huge. You don’t know what you expected but it wasn’t this. You try not to look frightened by it, by the prospect of shoving it into your mouth and hopefully, your cunt. 

He’s your attendee, you try not to think about that. Try not to think about how you’re his subordinate and he’s so much older than you, experienced, well versed. This is all completely wrong, incredibly fucked up but fuck if it doesn’t turn the both of you on just a little more in the worst way. 

His dick is hot in your hand, skin like silk and you salivate at the pure sight of it. You look up at him, his face flushed all the way up to his ears and down to what you can see of his chest poking out through the small v in his shirt. Skin on fire. 

You give him a sort of inquisitive look and he realizes he never answered you. You looking up at him with those big, needy eyes. He can only bring himself to nod his head, at a lost for words. 

You smile up at him, hand already gliding up and down his thick length. Jack hisses at the near foreign sensation, in this moment he can’t bring himself to remember the last time this happened, let alone a time when it wasn’t his own hand. Yours is much smaller, more delicate than his, you can barely wrap it around the entirety of him and suddenly he feels dizzy. 

You lean forward, kissing the tip of him and he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, they open and close into fists at his sides. God does he want to touch you, to have you let him take what he wants but he’s afraid. Afraid of over stepping, afraid of scaring you. 

Suddenly you’re opening your mouth and kissing at the head of him, licking at his slit, collecting whatever’s pooled there and humming to yourself at the taste. You’re worried you’ll become addicted to this.

More of him slides into your mouth, all the way until he’s hitting the back of your throat. Suddenly his hands are flying to the side of your head, holding you there. His eyes open and he looks down at you, eyes intense, mouth set into a hardline like he’s barely hanging by a thread. You make eye contact with him and he groans, loud. You’ve only ever seen him like this leaned over a patient, intense focus, blinders on to anything except the task at hand. But this time its you. Your pussy throbs. 

Jack let’s himself thrust into your mouth a couple of times, eyes squeezed shut again, head leaned back against the wall behind him in complete surrender to you and your mouth. He says your name so broken, like its the only thing he can remember, the only thing keeping him grounded. 

You wonder if he’ll let you fuck him. 

A few more thrusts and suddenly Jack is pulling you off of him, looking back down at you again and hauling you back up to your feet. You give him the saddest eyes and he swears his heart breaks. 

“I’m- I was gonna cum if you kept that up.” He sort of laughs to himself. Jack’s never felt more out of practice than he does now, pants down around his ankles, cock heavy and begging still in your hand, and a young, pretty girl looking at him with wet eyes, hungry for him. 

What did he do in a past life to deserve this? 

“That was kind of the idea.” You smile, bitting your lip and your hand continues to move up and down on his aching length. 

Back face to face now, Jack can’t believe he has you like this, lips plump and swollen with exertion and slick with spit. Your eyes are dark with greed, hunger for something else. He never though this would happen, not between the two of you. Not that he ever explicitly thought about it but there were moments of weakness. Moments where he let his mind wander as he held your hand in his, guiding you through a procedure, noticing your body and its proximity, its warmth, that girlish smell you carry around you. You’ve always been intoxicating, a temptation just begging to be indulged in. Had he mentioned how wrong he thought all of this was?

“Jack?” You ask, pulling him out of this thoughts. 

“Hmmm?” He basically slurs, distracted by the continuous movements of your hand on his cock, it was on the verge of turning painful. 

“I asked you if you’re gonna fuck me.” You ask, devilish grin plastered on your face like you’re the cat who got the fucking cream. Or is at least trying to.

Jack lets out a broken laugh, voice cracking from your particularly harsh grip on him. 

“Is that- Is that what you came up to the roof for?” He jokes but suddenly you think he’s being serious. 

You worry thats all you thought of him, of this. A quick fuck, a need for release, a need to forget what happened tonight. 

“No, Jack that’s not- I swear-” You struggle to find your words. 

Jack smiles at you, it alleviates some of your worries. His hand moves and finds the waist band of your pants, he shoves it down until he’s cupping your sex. You gasp, his hand hot, feeling your hotter core and whats embarrassingly seeped out of you ever since you pulled him from the railing. 

Jack clicks his tongue at you, like he always does. 

“Yeah, I bet you want me to fuck you, alright. You’re soaking for it.” 

Oh fuck. 

You whimper, leaning easy into his touch, letting him feel you. 

“Fuck, baby.” He groans, his fingers gliding easy through your glossy folds, playing around in the mess you made. Its embarrassing. So much so that you almost miss him calling you baby. 

Jack doesn’t fight the temptation long, no matter how much he wants to tease you about it. His two fingers find your hole and push in steadily, afraid to hurt you. You gasp, body falling into his, letting him hold you with his other arm. Your hand on his cock stutters but is determined to keep pleasuring him. 

You moan when he pushes his fingers all the way in, crooking them to press up against that spongey spot inside of you, your eyes nearly rolling into the back of your head. 

“Fuck-” You choke, head heavy on his shoulder, your lips grazing his neck as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you, switching it up between that and toying with that fucking spot inside of you. 

“Jack, I’m-”

“Oh I bet you are.” He chides and you burn. 

This could have been so humiliating if you chose it to be. How quickly you folded for him, how badly and desperately you needed him. As if he hadn’t folded just as quickly, if not faster, for you. 

Suddenly his fingers are ripped from your core and he’s ripping your pants down along with your underwear. You step out of them quickly, letting him manhandle you around to get you were you wants you. 

“Look at you listening to me so easily now.” Jack remarks, turning you around and pushing you up against the wall. 

“I always listen to you.” You admit, voice breathless and breaking and sounding completely debauched. 

You feel him step in to your space, you arch your back instinctively and Jack basically purrs all soft for you. You feel the head of his cock at your entrance, threatening your folds. You whimper, shiver. You try to push into him but his hand flies to your neck, holding you still where you are. 

He leans over your back, rucking your shirt up with the hand that was holding his dick. He hadn’t meant for this to happen like this, all dirty and rushed and in his fucking workplace. He thinks about the rest of you, hidden under your scrubs, how he’d kiss every inch. Maybe that was for another time. Hopefully. 

“I know you do.” He praises, kissing the back of your neck and pushing into cunt in the same breath. You both groan way too loudly, pure relief coming over the both of you. 

Jack breaches you slowly, he knows he’s big. He’s not even being any type of way about it, he just knows its a lot from past…. flings. But God do you take him like a champ. You push your hips back into his, needing him to fill you completely you’re fucking whimpering for it. 

But Jack’s still got his hold on you, pinning you down so he can work you onto his cock slowly, at his own pace. He’s in control here. 

You both moan again once he reaches the end of you, fully seated in your velvety pussy. His head falls onto your back, his arms wrapping around you to hold you to him, anything to get closer. You scramble to gain purchase on anything, the wall, his strong arms, anything. You feel dizzy, you feel full, you feel drunk. 

“Always so good for me. Such a good girl” He moans, hips pulling back to just thrust back in punishingly. It punches a moan out from your gut. 

You nod your head, unable to speak. I try to be good, I try to be.

Jack doesn’t wait, this has to be quick anyways, you both have been gone for far too long, he’s suddenly reminded that the day shift will be showing up in a matter of minutes and God knows Robby will be looking for him up here. His dick throbs at the thought of being caught balls deep inside of you, his little med student. 

He pulls you back by the ass to meet his hips, pumping himself in and out of your creamy pussy at a brutal pace, his eyes nearly rolling into the back of his head. He says your name, you’ve never heard him say a name quite like that and it breaks you. 

“I-Is this good?” He asks, trying to be sexy but it comes out broken, desperate and pathetic.

You nod your head frantically again, trying to turn your head to look at him and Jack’s heart soars at the sight. Your pupils blown black, eyes big and watery from the feel of his cock filling you up to the absolute brim, hair matted to your sweaty forehead. He wants to lick the sweat from you. Next time, next time. 

Jack leans closer, kissing you on the open mouth and you moan debauchedly into him. As he moved closer to you to keep kissing you it pushed his cock that much further into you, his hips grinding into your ass and his cock into the absolute end of you. You can barely keep yourself standing, you’re thankful for Jack’s strength keeping you up, you could’ve had both feet off the ground and you’d have no idea. 

His cock pummels into you, moan after moan being punched from your chest, your gut, the deepest part of you. 

You whimper into his mouth at his sweet kisses in contrast with his harsh thrusts, it was enough to make your head spin, your pussy clench, threatening to burst. 

“Tell me it’s good, need you to say it for me.” 

“S-So good, Jack. You feel-”

“Yeah?” 

You cry, you think a lone tear falls from your eye and maybe Jack kisses it away or licks it but his cock doesn’t stop and suddenly you’re cumming, completely surrendering your body to his. You shudder and twitch and your pussy squeezes his dick so tight he nearly sees stars, it takes everything in him to not blow his load inside of you in that instant. 

That would be bad, that would be really bad, that would be messy and irresponsible and fuck he’s not wearing a condom how could you both have been so stupid and drunk off each other to not grab a condom. It’s not like you have them in your scrubs but theres a dispenser in the bathroom and - 

“Jack please,” You beg, voice so small and worn out. Your hand reaches out behind you, grabbing for him and suddenly he’s pulled back to the very real reality where he is fucking the shit out of you and he’s about to cum about it. 

“Please what?” He asks, needing to hear you say it. 

“Need you- need you to cum for me. Please Jack.” 

Fuck, he doesn’t want this to be over, he needs this to go on forever, needs you to suddenly be his salvation, he’s not quite sure how he’s gone on this long without you but he knows he can’t go forward without it. 

Jack’s body tenses, his cock somehow gets impossibly harder, you feel it thicken inside of you and you moan again, another orgasm threatening to rip through you. 

But suddenly he’s pulling himself out of your greedy hole, his voice breaking as he spills himself onto the concrete floor beneath the both of you. Your cunt pulses, desperate to have him fill you again. Before you can protest his fingers lunge up into your abused hole again and he grating at that spot inside of you, the one that has you seeing stars. 

“Need another one, yeah?”

“Jack- fuck!” It complete takes over you. 

Somehow without having to even tell him, he felt the way your pussy spasmed and cried around him right before he pulled out, he knew you were close to cumming again. And ever the gentleman he is, he’s going to give you another one. 

He’s unrelenting, just like he was with his cock. His two fingers crook up against that spot again and suddenly you’re seeing stars. 

Jack’s arm wraps around the front of your shoulders, hauling your back straight against his chest, holding your trembling body to his. You can feel his slowly softening cock against your lower back, cum still dripping from it onto your ass. 

“Do it, please.” He begs of you this time, the muscles in both arms trembling from his own orgasm. 

Jack feels your pussy spasm again, feels the way your chest quickens its breathes, the way your feet nearly kick out from under you with the strength of it all and your cumming on his hand, your eyes going black and blind from the force of it. 

You slump back against him, letting him hold you once again. Jack wraps both his arms around you, swinging you around so that his back is pressed against the wall so he can lean on something. You both try to catch your breath, clinging to each other with leftover desperation. 

Greedily, he lets a hand swipe through your abused folds, collecting what you’ve given him. You whimper, leaning your head back to hide it in his neck, embarrassed. 

“Jack,” you whine in a pathetic attempt at protesting. 

He clicks his tongue at you, “Let me.” He tells you, plainly. 

His fingers linger, scooping up what he can and bringing it to his lips. He licks everything, groaning at the taste and letting his eyes close. You whine, pushing your face further into his neck, smelling him. He smells manly, like sweat, cologne and sex. You let it envelop you. 

Jack holds you like that for as long as he humanly can. Before the thoughts of getting caught inevitably come crashing down upon him again. 

“We have to move, kid. Can’t stay like this forever.” He tells you in a sad tone. You press a final kiss to his neck, breathing him in before pulling away. 

“I know.” 

You both pull yourselves back together. Jack puts his own pants back on as he watches you pull your underwear on slowly. Mindlessly, he reaches for your pants and holds them out for you. You put your hands on his shoulders while you step into them. 

“Thank you.” You tell him, voice gone quiet again, like you already have to be hush hush about this. 

Jack kisses the top of your head sweetly. You wonder what’s to come after this. You look up at him and he gives you that slick side smile you’ve only seen him throw Robby or Dana. 

“Didn’t know you could make noises like that.” He smiles and you push him back against the wall you were both just fucking up against, your face absolutely burning. This motherfucker likes making fun of you. 

“Jack I swear to God-”

He grabs you and kisses you again, holding your face to his. You let him kiss you, fighting the want to just melt back into him and stay here. 

Jack pulls away first. His anxiety getting the best of him. 

“Can I drive you home?” He asks, unsure of what else to say. He needs to get you out of the workplace and have a normal fucking conversation with you that doesn’t revolve around grief and dying kids and elderly on life support. 

And besides he knows you take the bus. 

“Yes please.” 

/

okayyy i literally had to cut it short because this shit was getting too long LOL, i had a full final act outlined but maybe that could be a shorter part two if anyone's interested..... lmk <3

[dandylion-s]

I had a panic attack in my motherfucking sleep how is that fucking possible

[clovermoters]

anytime, anywhere - lando norris x childhood sweetheart!reader

summary - lando fell in love when he was ten years old, heres small moments of that love over the years.

warnings - kisses, panic attacks, small amount of violence & lando being a SAP

wc : 8k

some music - work song, hozier | my love mine all mine, mitski | love of my life, harry styles | pov, ariana grande | super rich kids, frank ocean.

authors note - hi! as always, enjoy! reblogs & likes are always hugely appreciated!! lots of love, clove!

ten - the meeting

The fluorescent lights of the afterschool program shined bright as you were sitting at the snack table, quietly picking away at the food your mom packed for you this morning. It was 5:30, most kids had been picked up by their parents or siblings. Leaving you and four other kids left, one was a curly haired boy who was sitting not far across from you. Working away at his homework. 

You remembered he was in your class. Lando, you remember, was his name. He was quiet, and he sat far across the room from you, so you haven't spoken to him much since meeting him in september. 

One of the coordinators for the program, Allie walks into the room, having left minutes prior to take a phone call, she looks at you with a sympathetic look on her face before sitting down next to you carefully.

You already know what she's going to say 

“Hi sweetie, that was your mum” she began, taking a deep breath trying to keep her voice low. “Your parents are going to be a bit late today, your mum said dad will get here as quick as possible” she continued. 

This wasn't the first time your parents have called, they were late most days, you tried to understand that they have unpredictable jobs, with both your mum and dad being doctors at one of the top hospitals in the country. 

You huffed, nodding before pulling out a colouring book that was given to you by your teacher as homework, the same homework the brunette across the room was doing. 

Down the table, the other three boys seemed to have heard your conversation with allie. 

“Ooooohhh y/n’s parents abandoned her!” one of them taunts, the boys burst into giggles before Allie sends them a stern face. they don't let up. 

“Isn't this like the third time this week? They must forget about you alot” they poke while their laughter grows louder 

You see out of the corner of your eye, Lando looks up from his book, his eyes looking to you while your head stays down, trying to focus on your coloring.  

Tears prick your eyes as Allie sends them to the hallway, probably to tell them off, some more. The sound of your sniffles fill the room and Lando watches you wipe your tears with your sleeve before he stands up and makes his way across the room and places himself right next to you. 

“I like your colouring” he says shyly, like he isn't sure what to say. You turn to him, his green eyes looking into yours as he offers you a warm, genuine smile. You find yourself smiling softly back at him, like it was contagious. 

“Thanks, yours is okay” you giggle mischievously, looking down to see his work. His colours were slightly different than yours, but you both had the same idea with shades and detail, his jaw dropped in faux offense. 

“Hey! They look the same!” he says, you both break out into a fit of giggles, playfully chatting while you continue with your artwork. 

When Allie returns, she finds you two in a very in depth conversation about the movie you watched in class today. Crayons scattered around the abandoned colouring books, she smiled softly at the two ten year olds as she watched a special bond form between them. 

You chatted about everything, Lando told you about his newly found hobby in karting. How he wanted to try competing and was mostly excited to miss school for races. You told him small details about you, his attention never wavering as you spoke. 

You both chatted until the rest of the kids had left, leaving just you two and Allie, who was sitting quietly in the corner playing some game on her phone. 

“You should come to one of my races” he declares, “i'll let you drive my kart” you cringe slightly, frowning at the boy. the thought of operating the machinery scares you slightly. “When you win a race I'll go karting with you.” You say shaking your head at him, 

The door opened and in walked a lady whose eyes found lando almost instantly, lando had his back to the door since he was fully immersed in his conversation with you. 

“I think your mums here” you say as Lando whips his head around to see his mum. He smiled, getting up from his seat and hugging her tight. You felt your shoulders drop as you realized lando would now go home, leaving you alone. 

“Hi sweetheart, ready to go home?” she asks her son, who hesitates before he answers. Lando made eye contact with you, the girl he’d found a new friend in and felt quite sad to leave her here, when he got to go home. 

Looking at his mum, he shakes his head “no i wanna stay with y/n until her dad comes.” 

His mum looked at you, shrinking into your chair with all eyes on you. She had a sparkle in her eye as she watched him make his way back to you. She could tell her son had grown fond of you by seeing how he continued your conversation as if his mum wasn't there.

“so, if I win a race, you will come karting with me. deal?” he holds his small hand out, you smile, showing him a toothy smile that made his ten eight year old brain stop in time. Wanting to freeze frame it and paste it onto his eyelids. 

You shake his hand 

“deal.” 

Fifteen  - the unofficial first date

You were anxiously scuffing your feet into the asphalt of your local karting track. Lando had won his first karting race long ago, he was actually set to win his first series this year. But you two had never gotten around to getting you into a kart and on track with him. 

Since that day five years ago, you two had been inseparable. He took you to races on the weekend, and you had helped him catch up in school when he needed help. 

You even started going home with him after school and your parents began to just pick you up at Landos. 

Lando knew he liked you, he had known since he met you. Since your hand brushed against his when you both reached for the same crayon. Your smile was contagious and he swore you grew flowers wherever you walked. 

What started as a small elementary crush– over the years had bloomed into something bigger, something Lando couldn't explain just yet. 

Lando was so excited to show you karting, you could see it on his face. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet while he pulled you through the garage with his hand held in yours. You tried to ignore the butterflies that have made home in your stomach years ago when Lando started getting touchy like this with you. It started with his hand lightly brushing your shoulder in conversations, hugs that lasted longer than they should’ve while his head was tucked snugly in the crook of your neck. 

he leads you to a small single seater that you assumed was yours for the afternoon, “this is what you’ll be driving, i'll be in my kart with you the whole time” he explains, showing you how to control it and the proper steering technique, while throwing in a couple tips. His hand is still laced with yours as he tells you about his own kart. 

You loved seeing him in his element. Watching him race was your favourite thing. You admired his face as he spoke, the freckles you've grown to love topped with his curls that he was still learning to care for properly (after you had begged him too). 

“You with me?” he nudges your arm, shaking you out of your daydream. You nod 

“yeah, just zoned out a bit.” you reply, 

When you walked out in fireproofs and a karting suit, Lando felt like time froze, the world around him spinning to a halt as his gaze found you. He thought you looked beautiful everyday, but seeing you in a race uniform made his mind go fuzzy. 

His breath caught in his throat as he watched you walk over to him, holding a helmet and gloves. His green eyes sparkling at you, like you were the only girl in the world.  

He helped you with your helmet, his fingers brushing under your chin as he clipped the chinstrap, sending shockwaves down your spine. When you were secured he gave you a light tap on the side of your head before you both got in your karts, starting your engines. 

-

You were slowly getting the hang of the machinery, the kart vibrating underneath you as you took each corner with more confidence as you went, Lando staying steadily out in front of you. Turning his neck around to check in on you when you two would rush down the straights. You understood why he enjoyed this so much, the thrill of taking a corner slightly too fast, pushing the kart to its limit. 

You almost enjoyed it too much. 

The barrier came quickly, you hit a dead spot on the track, your kart skidding straight into the make-shift padded wall. When Lando watched the yellow flag fly out, he immediately felt his stomach drop, turning around to see you wobbling slightly in your kart. 

Stopping his kart safely off the track, his feet hit the ground as he sprinted to you, dropping in front of you, flicking his and your visor up, his eyes scanning yours frantically as he watched tears brim your eyes. 

“Hey, you okay?” he asks, his concern evident in his voice as he checks you over. “Where does it hurt?” you groan as he moves your arm slightly, cringing as your muscles contract from the sudden shock. 

“Im okay, just annoyed, im sorry” you huff, tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you knew how much lando wanted to take you karting and show you his world. And now you've ruined it by crashing. 

“No, no none of that.” he soothes, helping you out of the kart and back to the garage. Sitting you down and helping you take your helmet off. You looked adorable when he saw your messy hair from the balaclava. Lando had never wanted to kiss anyone yet, but at this moment he was coming very close to kissing you. 

It was like an itch that surged his whole body, the desire he felt to do all the things a couple does. He wanted to try them, with you. The hand holding while walking to classes, the nights spent wrapping in eachothers arms, he wanted all of you. 

 he wanted to learn what being in love was like, and he only saw himself learning with you. 

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asks cautiously, concerned that your adrenaline hasn't allowed you to fully feel any pain you might be in. 

“Yeah, i think i'll just be sore” you sigh, taking a sip from the water bottle he retrieved from the cooler for you, sitting himself on the floor in front of you. He's looking up to you like he's mesmerizing every inch of your face, studying every mole and freckle. 

Lando chuckles, “oh yea, you're gonna hurt like hell tomorrow” he jokes, you kick him lightly as you break into a fit of giggles, your laughs filling the garage with a sense of joy. 

The mechanics nearby smile at the two of you, infatuated with the way Lando acted in your presence. On a normal race weekend, he was focused, almost unable to see past the task at hand. With you, he was light, laughing, almost as if you showed him what happiness was. 

Your laughs die down and you catch yourself staring at the way his nose crinkled as he smiled. How his curls sit perfectly even after being smushed in his helmet. Your cheeks go flush while you fidget with the hem of your fireproof. 

Lando gaze locked onto you, he watches as your face focuses on your fingers, smiling softly before he stands up, offering his hand out to you. 

“c’mon, lets make my dad get us ice cream” 

You break out into a smile, linking your fingers with his before standing up, you two making your way to find Landos dad. 

Even though karting didn't go how he had planned, Lando felt today was a successful day nonetheless. Because he got to spend his day with you, showing you his other world he loved, the world he was building and working towards, imagining what the future would be when he climbs his way to the top, and he knew he wanted you to be right there with him when he did.

“Thank you for coming to my rescue” you say playfully as you walk with him towards the car, he just smiles, his curls bouncing as he strolls beside you.

“Anytime, anywhere.” 

Seventeen - bruise knuckles with a side of love  

The lights were dimmed as you walked into the house of your friend's house, music was pumping through the speakers providing background noise to the conversations you could hear flowing throughout the room. 

Your eyes scanned the room, looking for the familiar head of chocolate curls who you refused to admit was the whole reason you had come. Lando had been away karting for the past week and you haven't seen him, when you spot him, he has his back turned to you fully engrossed in a conversation with Max Fewtrell. 

Max's eyes catch your from over landos shoulder, a small smirk creeping into his face as he announces your entrance.

“ayeee!! There she is!” he shouts, landos head whips around, slightly confused to who Max is referring to, when he spots you, his eyes light up. You two lock eyes and it's like the world falls away for a moment as you take each other in. He noticed you had straightened your hair differently, training a soft curl at the end of your hair, framing your face perfectly. 

He's on his feet in seconds, making his way across the room to close what felt like a ravine between you. Mumbling a soft hey while engulfing you in a hug, it felt like coming home after a horrible day. His arms squeezing you softly as he tucks his head into your shoulder. You hug him back, closing your eyes as you both linger in the hug for a moment. 

You don't realize that it's been long until Max is next to you, he clears his throat loudly, startling you guys apart. He smiles, greeting you with a brief hug that has Lando sending him a slight glare. You failed to notice the brunette pinching his friend's side afterwards, max letting out a small whine. 

You told Lando how much he missed school, he shrugged it off with a laugh, you both knew he had given up on completing school. Joking that you were getting the degree for both of them. The three of you had always been close, going through schooling together since you were young. Though Max knew there was a bond between you and Lando that he would never be able to fully understand. 

You two understood each other without even having to speak, if Lando was upset with a race, Max often would text you as they drove home, you’d be waiting for them on the porch with snacks and a movie. Lando falling into your embrace before you settled on your own end of the couch, one of his favorite films playing on the tv. 

If Max looked over to you two, he’d see Lando absentmindedly playing with your fingers, he’d see you slowly running your hand through his curls, something you knew would calm him down 

You always knew lando needed comfort after a bad result, but you failed to understand that all he ever really needed was you. 

 “I'm gonna go grab a drink, do you want anything?” you ask softly, pointing to the small mini bar that was set up in the corner, one of the guests dramatically pouring non-alcoholic drinks as if you were in a club. 

“Monster pleasee” he drawls, smiling widely as if mimicking a little kid asking for candy. You roll your eyes with a smile before turning to Max, who shows you his already half drunk redbull. 

You turn away, sauntering your way to grab the beverages, lando and max watch you as you make your way. Once you're out of earshot, Max drops his smile before turning to smack lando in the arm. The boy yelps in pain, grabbing his arm with an unamused look on his face

“Oww!” Lando groans as Maxs face stays serious. 

“Why haven't you told her” he asked, leaving no room for bullshit. Lando and you had been dancing around the idea of a relationship for years, and he was tired of it. He was tired of seeing his two best friends hopelessly in love with each other and choosing to ignore it. 

“It's just not the right time,” Lando argues, his voice small. He tried so many times to tell you, to blurt his feelings out like a case of word vomit, to just scream i love you in your face. But every time, the words died in his throat at the possibility of you not returning his feelings. 

“Bullshit.��� max counters “you two have been all heart eyes since we were what? twelve? I don't care whatever story you’ve run in your head, she loves you Lando and you both need to open your eyes and see it” he commands, sending a blow straight to Landos heart as he exhales with a sigh, his gaze fixed on you chatting with the boy handing out drinks. 

“What if it doesn't work out? I'm never here anymore max, how is that fair to her?” Lando says, a sense of longing evident in his eyes while he looks at you.

 Max’s offense crumbles slightly, but he didn't let up “she loves you enough to fight for it. She just needs to know you're willing to fight for it too.” he offers, you make your return, holding two cans of monster, the two boys staring slightly.  Like they had just been caught doing something they shouldn't. You frown slightly, your hand rising to cover your face.

“Do I have something on my face?” you ask worried, your hand rubbing along your features as you search frantically. Lando chuckles, lightly grabbing your wrists to halt your movements 

“No no,-” he breathes through a laugh, his touch sending sparks up your forearms  “you look beautiful” he said lowly, like it was only for you to hear. 

 You exhale deeply with a small laugh, sending him a soft, genuine smile that had Lando seeing double. 

This boy was done for. 

– 

The atmosphere had shifted since you arrived, the party was now in full swing as bodies filled the house, the base of the song vibrating underneath the floor. You and Lando were standing in a corner, your conversation light as you both nursed your drinks. 

Lando was explaining the new video game he and max had started playing when he was– quite rudely– interrupted by a boy approaching you, it was the same boy from the drink bar, whose name you learned was james 

“hi y/n, i just wanted to say that i enjoyed our conversation earlier. It's always a pleasure chatting with you” he smiles, one of those smiles that has a cheshire cat behind it, one that makes you slightly stiff next to lando. James didn't acknowledge landos presence, acting as if you were standing next to a plant pot. 

“Oh, thank you james.” you say, noticing lando’s eyes have turned to the black and neon can in his hand, fiddling with the pull tab. He's trying not to listen, but the way you shifted towards him slightly as James kept talking to you made him wary. 

“–hey you wanna get outta here?” James offers. 

Something in lando snaps when he sees the cocky smirk on his face.

“Woah,woah,woah, let's slow your roll here, mate.” he steps slightly in front of you, puffing his chest. 

“Last time I checked I wasn't talking to you” James barks back. his voice became louder as you hid behind lando. 

 “she clearly doesn’t want to be talking with you” he argues, you could see Landos fists balling at his sides. the monster abandoned on the windowsill behind you. Landos neck grows red as the anger bubbles underneath his skin. 

“Yk’what, why don't you let me and the lady have a conversation, yeah?” he says trying to push past Lando, his tone dripping with smugness. 

Oh that had Lando seeing red.

His fist connects with James' jaw, then his nose. Sending him to the floor, you gasp as James groans, before getting up and raising his fist. He doesn't have the time to think before Lando sends another blow to his chest, knocking him down for good. 

Two guests go to James, picking him up to place him on the couch as Max rushes over to you and Lando, his eyes falling to Landos hand.

“Shit mate–” he exhales, scanning the room for a way out “–c’mon let's go get some ice and fix that, you have to drive this weekend.” 

He leads you upstairs to a somewhat secluded bathroom, shutting the door as Lando sits on the sink, the pain from his hand evident in his movements. 

You haven't spoken since the fight, slightly shaken up from watching your best friend almost did beat the living daylights out of someone. You didn't want to think about what could've happened if James was able to land his own punches. 

You press toilet paper to his bleeding knuckles, and Lando hisses from the pain of you pressing on the inflamed flesh. Dropping his head onto your shoulder as max ruffles through the cabinet.

“score!” he exclaims, holding up a bright red first aid kit. He pulls out the alcohol wipes and hands them off to you. 

“m’sorry, this is gonna hurt” you say quietly before you clean the wounds, lando squeezes his eyes shut at the sting, his uninjured hand finds your waist, using it as a lifeline. 

Once the wounds are clean you begin to wrap his hand, your touch light as max hands you gauze, but nothing to secure it with. 

“Max, I need tape or something–” you mumble, focused on the task at hand. Lando watches as your tongue pokes out of your mouth while your eyes –which he's just noticing are slightly glossed over– are focused on carefully covering the wounds. 

Once Max makes his way to find you tape, you and Lando are left in silence, spare from the muffled sound of music still coming from downstairs. You were mumbling soft swears as the gauze would slip in your hold. 

“um- i'm really sorry–” lando breaks the silence, you look to him but he won't meet your eyes, “–i didn't like where he was going with that, but if you–uh..wanted him though, i understand” he says low, his eyes fixed on his lap while you look at him slightly shell shocked.

You scoff, almost like a laugh “you’re an idiot” he looks up, green eyes pouring into yours, hyper aware of the hold you had on his hand and his on your hip.

“Wh-what?” he breathes, confused. You send him a small are you stupid? look before saying what you’ve been trying to build the courage to say for years.

“I don't want him, god did you see his greasy hair?-” you roll your eyes, lando chuckles softly before you continue “i want you, you muppet”

Lando froze, he stared at you with nothing but admiration, you stood in front of him with a smile on your face, he swore he could’ve died right there. He exhaled deeply as a smile grew wide on his face, reaching both ears as he pulled you closer.  

“Thank god because i'm not sure what i would've done if you didn't” he whispers, his eyes flicking to your lips, tilting his head down slightly. You leaned in slightly, his breath fanning across your face before he locked his lips onto yours. 

The kiss was slow, but hard, like the crescendo of a musical piece. Years of longing being poured into it, your lips slotting together perfectly. Moving in sync as your free hand cups his jaw. He pulls you closer by his hold on your waist, humming slightly when you bite his bottom lip.

 The world seemed to have faded away as he deepened the kiss. His tongue swiping across your bottom lip, asking for access you happily granted. You kissed him until you were breathless, smiling against each other's lips, you swore you could see sparkles in landos eyes.

“ten year old me is so happy right now” he mumbled against your lips, smiling so wide as you giggled. You kissed him again, softer this time, drinking in the kiss that you had dreamt about for years.

You kissed him multiple times in that bathroom, the pain in his hand forgotten as his focus was solely on you. 

That was, until the doorknob jingled before Max opened the door, holding tape and a bag of ice. You step back quickly as Max halts his movement, it didn't take an idiot to put two and two together. Your puffy lips, landos slightly messy hair, and his poorly wrapped hand that had been perfectly wrapped when he left moments ago.  

All he did was smile, before handing lando the ice to hold to his hand. He hands you the tape before moving back to the door, lingering in it before he leaves.

“I am so, so, fucking happy for you both.” is all he says before shutting the door, leaving you alone once again. 

You turned to each other slowly, staring for a moment before you broke out into giggles. Once you both quiet down, you rewrap his hand, maybe stealing a kiss or two (or three) while you work, making up for all the time you could’ve been kissing him over the years. 

Lando watched you lovingly, thinking to the future. Yes he was scared, he was scared of what this meant with you in school and him racing. But he could see that you wanted this, you wanted him. if he had to die fighting to make you two work, he was gonna sure as hell try. 

Nineteen - through the storm

The crisp autumn air turned your nose red as you walked through the streets of London towards Max and his girlfriend, Pietras’ flat. It was Saturday afternoon and Lando was in Italy, it was Lando’s first year in F1, you two had been dating for two years now, and had your own flat in London you called home. 

Every race weekend, it became a tradition for you to watch qualifying and the race with Max and Pietra. Ordering pizza while you shout at the tv against anyone who dares to overtake your boyfriend. 

Opening the door you waltz in, announcing your arrival before shrugging your shoes off, placing your coat and bag in the mudroom. Your sock clad feet pad across the floor into the living room where Max had set up the broadcast. 

“How's he doing?” you ask, grabbing a blanket and snuggling into the couch. “He's doin’ fine but I'm not sure we're getting out of Q2” he answers, a sigh escaping his lips as you frown. Lando had told you the struggles he's been having recently with the car, not being able to find that balance he needs. 

The media knew it too, it felt like every time you checked your phone, someone had something horrible to say about the man you loved. You knew it was getting to him despite the brave face he put on. 

Your boyfriend was the type of person who wanted everyone to love him, the amount of scrutiny was eating at him while all he did was try his best in the car he was given.

 It wasn't his fault the car he was given was a tractor.

You watched anxiously as the timer ticked down, a minute left in Q2. Lando was setting his final lap, nibbling on your fingernails as he rounded the final sector, crossing the line to land in P14. his teammate Carlos sainz, landing in P7. 

You deflate, knowing lando wouldn’t be happy with himself, you knew him too well. After years of watching him in F3 and F2, you know what was running through his head and it killed you that you couldn’t be there with him. 

When he was home earlier in the month he told you one night how the one thing that scared him was people thinking he didn’t deserve his seat, this result certainly didn't help him with his self doubt. 

“He's going to be so upset” you mumble, turning your ringer on while you wait for his call. Another small tradition you had was if you weren't in attendance, the minute he had a moment alone, he was on the phone with you.

Max nods silently, Pietra sighing as she makes her way to the kitchen to order pizza for you all, silence stretching throughout the apartment as you watch the final moments of qualifying. 

As the commentators congratulated the pole sitter, raving on about the final laps that had been revolutionary all you could think about was Lando and how he was beating himself up over this. 

You could see the tweets now, the hate, the scrutiny that was going to flood your socials the second you looked, just as you went to pick up your phone, it vibrated from lando calling you, the goofy smile of his contact photo smiling back at you as you answered the call.

“heyy baby!” you say, walking into the guest room for some privacy, sitting down on the foot of the bed. The line was quiet for a moment before Lando responded with a soft “hey” his voice wobbled as he spoke.

“You drove really well lando.. don't beat yourself up over one bad quali” you say softly, keeping your tone light. Soft sniffles came from Landos end of the line, your heart squeezes as you hear him cry softly. Lando wasn’t a crier, so when he did, you knew he was close to his breaking point.

“I can't do this anymore,” he sniffles. “I don't even want to know what they're saying right now.” he cries. You listen to his broken sobs as tears escape your own eyes. You hated being so far away from him while he was hurting like this, he was alone and vulnerable and that made you want to scream. Wishing you could crawl through the phone and get to him. 

You debated telling his trainer, getting someone else in the room with him to make sure he was safe, but you knew he needed to let it out first. You’d tell Jon later, right now you needed to be there for lando. 

Landos breathing starts to become ragged as his sentences come out in short breaths, you hear the panic attack coming before it fully hits him, his voice was shaky as it grew quieter. His words dying in his throat before he could say them, you could hear his breathing becoming more frantic. 

“Lan, baby i need you to breathe for me” He was sending himself deeper into a panic and it only worried you more. You felt useless just listening while he struggled to find a breath.

“I ca- i cant” he chokes out, his sobs echoing through the phone as you begin to frantically text Jon. Your fingers shaking as you message the man, tears flowing down your face.

You: 911!

You: get to landdo now he's habvin a panic attack on the phone wit me 

You: please jon im panicjking myself listning to him

Jon: On it.

You keep assuring him through the phone, trying to say something– anything that will calm him down. Telling him to unzip his race suit, asking him what he can smell, see, hear, or taste. None of it worked, the boy was breaking down in your ears and you felt helpless while waiting for Jon to find him. 

You hear the door open on the other end, the phone falls to the floor as the murmurs of Jons voice filter down the phone. You don't hear much for a few moments, taking the time to compose yourself, wiping your tears with the sleeve of your landos hoodie. 

“hey y/n, he's all good now, i'll have you call him back in a bit. Are you okay?” Jons voice crackles through the phone after a while, you exhale a sigh of relief, clutching a hand to your chest. 

“Yeah… sounds good, thank you jon.” you say softly, hanging up the call.

You splash some water on your face before returning to max and pietra. The two noticed something was off with you immediately. 

“You okay? How is he?” Max asks slowly, you didn't say anything. He could tell something was wrong when tears flooded your eyes. Closing the distance, he pulls you into a hug as a sob escapes your lips, you clutch onto him while you cry. Tears pour down your face as you explain what just happened, Max listens with sympathy written all over his face. 

 Hes silent for a moment, before an idea pops into his head “Let's get you to italy.” he says, determination in his voice as he grabs his phone, immediately googling flights. 

“what- but i don't have anything packed- what if there's no flights” you ramble, slightly shocked he was so set on this idea, he shakes his head, finalized in his decision that you needed to get on a flight as soon as possible and he didn't care how.

“Go home and pack, you don't need much it's only a night- SCORE” he turns the phone around, showing you a flight to Italy “leaves in four hours, if we hurry.. we can get you there” he says. You two lock eyes, a new sense of determination blooming inside you. You needed to be there for Lando, and you were going to get there.

It all happened so fast, one minute you were packing clothes into a duffle bag, and now you had landed in Italy, the flight was quick, two hours from London to Milan. You sat in the cab, the streetlights fading by as you made your way to landos hotel. 

The hotel was beautiful, wishing you could've come on better circumstances, thinking back to all the times you and Lando would be talking late at night, hushed whispers about what it was going to be like once he reached F1, all the places you’d go together. 

You never expected what reality would end up being. 

You stood in front of landos hotel room, Jon was standing next to you. Since the phone call, you had asked Jon to stay with lando. Explaining to him why incase of an emergency, you wouldn't be available for lando. He immediately agreed and also offered to walk you up to the room upon your arrival. 

Once the door opened, and you saw him. His eyes looked drained, his hair was messy from him running his hands through it. When he locked eyes with you, they widened so big they could’ve popped out of their sockets. 

He stared at you for a moment, trying to decipher whether or not you were really here, actually in front of him at his hotel in Monza. Once he felt you wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace, it hit him. 

It hit him hard.

“Oh my god” he breathed as he melted into your arms, his emotions bubbling over again as tears escaped his eyes. He had never felt so relieved to be in your arms, not since that moment in a bathroom years ago, it was like you were an angel sent straight for him. 

He pulled away to get a good look at you, you were wiping his cheeks softly. He still couldn't believe you flew to him. 

“Are you actually here, or am I dreaming?” he asks, a wet chuckle escapes you both as you realize you're also crying. 

“Im here, i'm real” you smile, pulling him back into a hug as you smooth the hair on the back of his neck. “I couldn’t stay in London when you were here in this state. It would’ve killed me.” you sniffled. His hands wrap around you, holding on like if he’d let go, you'd disappear, and he'd wake up from this nightmare with you still in london. 

He pulled back, placing a soft kiss to your lips before mumbling many “i love yous” into your mouth as you kissed him back, soft and slow. Forgetting about Jon standing a few feet away from you two. He turns away slightly, letting you have your moment. 

You pull away echoing a soft “sorry” to Jon who just smiles softly, shaking his head in dismissal as Lando wraps his arms around your waist, activating his clingy-ness. 

You say goodnight to Jon as you and Lando head into bed, the events of the day taking their effect. Lando immediately wraps his arms around your waist, nuzzling his face into your shoulder, placing soft kisses on the exposed skin before resting his head on your chest. 

“Thank you, for understanding me more than I do myself” he mumbles sleepily, his breaths even out as he finally looks at peace with his mind. Your smile is warm as you place a light kiss to his forehead before finally resting your eyes, having your boy in your arms. 

And when you wake up to a text message from Jon, attached is a video of you and landos reunion he recorded secretly, you smile, cropping the video properly to post on your instagram story.

Posted is a small 10 second clip of Lando realizing you were standing in front of him, then showing the hug you two shared. Rocking back and forth as intelligible murmurs are exchanged between you two. 

captioned for you, anywhere, anytime. 

Twenty two - a handprint on her heart

The sun was shining down on your face as you perched yourself on a lounge chair on the exquisite yacht you get to call home for the summer break. You sported a bright orange bikini as you read your book while you listened to the waves below you.

It was peaceful, until you heard the stomps of two smaller people, followed by the stomps of a bigger person. You looked to the door to see Mila and Athena squealing as they ran around the deck, followed by none other than your boyfriend, who was chasing them, pretending he was a sea monster. 

“Look! There's auntie, she’ll save us," Mila shouts as the two girls make a beeline for you. You quickly place your book down so the girls can climb on top of you, hiding from their overly enthusiastic uncle. 

“Ohh auntie can't save you now! She's on my side” he says playfully while you begin to tighten your grip around the girls, not strong enough to hurt them, but tight enough to where they would struggle to break free. 

The girls giggle as Lando ‘rounds the couch, the girls wiggling in your arms, sounding cries of betrayal while you laugh at the trio's antics. He makes it to your pile of laughter and starts tickling the two girls until they are breathless.

Once he ceases the tickles attack, you let the girls free. They hop to the ground, their baby feet bouncing off the deck as they make their escape from the tickle monster, but to you he's just lando. 

Lando lets out a sigh as he sets himself down on the couch next to you, placing his arms around your shoulder. You had been on this yacht for a week and he had already worked up a tan, he looked divine, the sun hitting his face perfectly as he turned to look at you before placing a kiss on your temple. 

“y’know, it’ll be nice when we have our own munchkins running around a yacht one day” he says, far too casually, as his hand traces your shoulder. You both knew you wanted kids, but also knew being twenty two, in the height of landos career was not the right time for either of you to even think about creating your own bundle of love. 

Before you could respond to him, Max waltz’s his way onto the deck, sunglasses propped on his face as he spots you two. “Don't you two look cozy” he jokes, acting like you two haven't been head over heels for each other since you were small. It was a running joke for years, Max loves to tease you two about anything and everything.

Today was no different 

“oi! LN,” he says, lightly smacking landos sunburnt shoulder, causing the brunette to wince. “When are you proposing, I've got bets placed man!” he says with a faux serious tone. 

You giggle at him, you had discussed this before, you had an list of milestones that you and lando wanted to complete in a specific order

Championship

Marriage

Kids 

“You act like we haven’t basically been married for years max” you say, playfulness evident in your tone as Lando pulls you closer by the shoulder. Lando knew Max was just joking, but deep down part of him did want to forgo the list years ago and just make you his wife.

He's known since before you were officially dating that he’d marry you, it was obvious to him, you were the only option. The only person he saw his future with, the woman he goes home to, the mother of his children, you checked all the boxes of perfection and he was anxious to put a rock on your finger to solidify it for eternity. Devoting himself to you completely. 

Lando observes as you and Max move onto a different topic, he observes every detail about you, the way your nose crinkles when you smile, how your freckles pop when you spend more time in the sun, the way you always manage to speak with a heartwarming smile etched onto your face. It made him dizzy the way he knew you better than he knew himself. You were his everything, there is no lando without you. 

“Lan baby, you with us?” you ask, noticing he spaced out slightly. Nodding he smiles, placing a kiss on your hand, interlaced with his.

“Yeah, just thinkin’” he says simply, thinking for a moment before he taps your shoulder, 

“Wanna go for a walk?”

– 

You walked down the side of the boat, your fingers interlocked as the sun casted a golden light on your skin. Lando rubbed his thumb over your knuckles as you walked to the edge of the boat, overseeing the mediterranean behind you. 

Lando is quiet for a moment, his eyes following the horizon while he thinks. You can see in his eyes he's piecing his sentencing together but struggling– after a while, he speaks up. 

“Max got me thinking,” he pauses, taking a deep breath “I wanna change the list.” 

Your heart stops, looking up at him to find anything on his face that says he's joking, you meet his eyes already looking at you, 

“Are you serious?”

He chuckles, running a nervous hand through his hair, “I've never been more serious about anything in my life baby,” you feel tears welling up in your waterline. “I've known my whole life that I wanted to marry you, I don't want to let a championship decide when.” 

He brings a hand up to cup your cheek, your bottom lip trembling while he continues. 

“You're it for me baby, I can’t remember what my life was like without you in it and I don't want to have to learn. You know me better than I know myself, I am hopelessly in love with you and there's nothing that will ever change that,” you were full on crying now, he takes a moment to collect his thoughts, 

“–loving you is my greatest achievement, no championship could ever come close to how i feel about you,” Lando feels a lump form in his throat as he tries to finish his mini speech before he becomes emotional. 

“Let's get married” 

You cry softly before you cry out a yes and Lando feels a surge of love flow through him. 

“Yeah?” he smiles so wide as you nod, tears freely flowing down both your faces as he pulls you into an earth shattering kiss.

He kisses you like you’re his last breath of fresh air— soft and sensual, holding your face with such gentle care like you’d break if he let go. 

You pull away for air, giggling into each other's lips, stealing more kisses as the sun begins to set over the sea. The air felt warmer as you kissed your fiancè, you kissed him again, and again, you kissed him so many times you forgot where you were. 

That was until Lando pulled away sharply with a gasp. “Wait here” he mumbles before he takes off running back into the yacht, you take a seat while you wait for him to return, slightly confused to where he ran off to. 

Moments later he comes back, hands held behind his back as he makes his way over to you, a cheeky smile spread across his tanned face. 

“I'm sorry, your actual ring is at home.” you choose to ignore that fact for the time being. “But I do have this,” he chuckles as he pulls a small ring pop from behind his back. 

You laugh at the small candy as he opens it, placing it on your left ring finger, placing another kiss to your lips, you throw yourself into his arms, returning the kiss in full force. 

“It's perfect, thank you.” you mumble into his mouth. 

He rests his forehead against yours, his green eyes pouring into yours— a window to his soul showing nothing but love for you as he pulls you closer, his smile giddy. “We're getting married!!” he exclaims, you both giggle as you revel in being newly engaged. 

You think back to when you were kids, before the fancy cars and extravagant races, you loved him before he made a name for himself, before the outside voices. When it was just you two on a karting track, nobody watching to see where he goes next. 

you will continue to love him in the highs and lows of his career, as he shows the world what he's truly made of. You will forever be there, holding his hand, being his first phone call. Continuing to support him throughout it all, believing in his dreams as they’ve now become yours. 

You will love him when it's over, when it's just you two in the quiet mornings, for when you have nowhere to be. When you're old and grey living in the countryside in London, hand in hand on the porch side of your family home, grandkids running around in the yard. 

Like a handprint over your heart, Lando had plastered himself over every inch of your existence. His love hidden in plain sight of places you’ve yet to even realize. you loved this boy with every fiber of your being, and you would love him in every universe, in every past life and through the next. 

You will love him anywhere, anytime. 

~~

i hope u enjoyed, thank u so much for reading <3

[neonicclover]

just remembered I didn't have my antidepressants for about 3-4 days (ran out and didn't get them until today) and accidentally skipped all my meds today. so the good news is maybe this is just because of that.

[thethingything]

okay so now we get to deal with that thing where as we stop dissociating as much we realise we might have gotten injured worse than we thought because now there's a burning pain in our shoulder that's radiating down our arm and it feels really similar to when I fucked up our wrist last august and that injury still hasn't healed properly

[canihaveacalmtime]

Imagine yourself as the neglected youngest prince/princess of a powerful empire, after being deemed for harming the king's favorite child, you were sent to the underground dungeon to have you learn your lesson but that lesson which suppose to only long for 2 weeks turned into 2 years of torture for you.

So when the truth was revealed that it was a duke's family that was behind the attack of the king's favorite child, they remembered about you and realized that it's been two years since they last seen you, it just hits them hard the moment they knew that you were still in the dungeons.

When they arrived at your cell, they were devastated to see how brutally beaten up you are and you look like you haven't had any food for weeks, even months. Quickly, the king order that you be treated immediately and called the royal doctor.

As you lay limp on the bed in your new bedroom, the doctor said that your condition now is even worse than any othet patient the doctor has ever treated, worse than the knights who came back from war even and you are 10, only 10 years old. Your family can only pray for your recovery now while drowning themselves in guilt and regret.

One early morning, when your sister, the king's favorite child yeah, came to check on you and she almost cried when she saw you sitting on the bed, looking outside the window. You're awake and moving, so she immediately go and tell the others.

After that was the beginning days of all the family members to try and attempt to get your attention and fight each other over for who will be the one to pamper and take care of you. You on the other hand just doesn't budge from what they've been doing, it's like you are just a living body without a living soul.

Everyday, you have to hear them apologize to you, tell you sweet things and comfort you, try their best to lessen the wounds on your body and you're becoming sick of those things. You only want to know why they are wasting their time on you while they can just left you back in the maid headquarters where your old room is then left to rot in there, won't it be better?

So as a protest, you did the unthinkable, you tried to unalive yourself by jumping off of the balcony and let's just say they were not happy about that one bit.

At first, you just did it once so they make sure the maids will always have their eyes on you to prevent you from doing such things again until your second attempt comes with you tried to stab yourself with a piece of glass then another, then another and another. They were getting really tired of what you were doing and finally settled down to an agreement.

Make sure to don't be too panic when you wake up the next day to see your hands cuffed and the chain on your leg connect to the bed frame. Even when you tried to refuse to eat, they will just force feed you without making you hurt. Eventually, you snapped and broke down one day just screaming and crying at them, saying that why don't they just kill you already, you are so tired of everything and the pain never fade.

Your mother holds and kiss your face, making you not notice the syringe has been plugged into your neck as you slowly losing consciousness, the only thing you hear before blacking out was-

"You shall never leave our side, sweetheart. Even if the lengths we are going to keep you here is overdose, we just have no option left if you don't cooperate. Sleep tight, we love you."

[retiredcultistredux]

(Psst hey. Fluff, maybe you could. Let go of the yarn whip? Is that an option?

Also Hyness, How you holding up? Still have a Headache? Is it Worse now?)

Prince Fluff (whispering): "Unfortunately, I can't...and I'd rather not say why. If this Ester guy figured it out, it could be...erm. I...nevermind. As for Hyness..."

Prince Fluff (whispering): "...I'm not sure what's going on, but it really doesn't look good..."

[Hyness is trembling. He's breathing heavily and seems to be somewhat detached from the situation around him. The glow from the Jamba Heart's core in his back seems to have gotten brighter, and he's clutching at his head as if he's still suffering a headache--potentially one worse than before.]

[mylonelylife135]

My Pathetic Family

Not a funny joke.

TW: Death, Introverted behaviors (Bruh-) Panic attack (Not from you!) Detailed descriptions of gore!

.

.

.

Alfred was getting increasingly worried for you as each day passed by.

Ever since the incident with Master Dick, you stopped playing with your favorite stuffed plushies all together, did not do any more tea parties he would personally partake in, and avoided sitting on the floor.

Now all you did the majority of the time was watch TV in rooms that were often forgotten about.

It was not like you hadn't done anything else, but Alfred found it difficult to get you to the park due to your... fears about encountering Master Dick.

He did not blame you, and while he did have a duty to treat all those in Wayne Manor with respect he found himself almost getting frustrated with the young boy at times more than he would like to admit.

He knew that it wasn't good for you to be in the manor all the time doing nothing as a toddler your age.

He also knew that forcing you to go outside would not be good for you.

He tried, once. You clung to his legs so tightly and stared up at him with such sadness and fear that he swore he could feel his own heart stop at such an expression.

These last three months since the incident you have not set a foot outside the manor, and it seemed like with each day that passed your fear was slowly increasing.

He was seeing a three year old turning into a recluse at such a young age because of one accident. Was it, though?

It was heartbreaking.

Alfred didn't see a way you would improve without some sort of guidance.

So, he would turn to Bruce.

Of course, he was not of much help.

He found himself saddened at that he was no longer surprised at the lack of effort.

He just wondered, why?

... It didn't matter. Not right now when he could see that (____)'s mental state was worsening. He couldn't have any more arguments with someone he considered his son when his daughter was hurting.

It reminded him of Bruce when he was a child who had just lost her parents, in a way. He didn't fail Bruce. He wouldn't fail (____), either.

.

.

.

"Master (____), I would like you to come with me to the living room." Alfred requested, his voice soft as he watched you stiffen up.

You were still scared of going outside.

He was going to change that.

He outstretched his hand towards you, kneeling down to your height and giving you a warm smile. "Please."

You hesitantly reached your hand out before putting it in Alfred's.

Alfred stood up, leaning down slightly as his hand was in yours, and he led you out of your room and down the long hallways.

You clutched Alfred's hand instinctively as he led you towards the living room, your eyes looking around warily and occasionally behind you as you were guided farther and farther away from your bedroom.

Alfred gently ushered you into the living room, shutting the door behind him.

"No more hiding in your room, (____). Let's try something new, okay?" He said softly as you glanced around; noticing some key differences in the room.

The table was pushed off to the side as well as the couch, creative a wide space in the middle of the room.

On the floor were sketch papers, markers, crayons, oil pastels, and colored pencils with a large variety of colors.

You glanced up at Alfred with a confused expression, as if asking what was the purpose of this.

"It's to draw, Master (____). You haven't... haven't been as happy active in anything for quite a while now." Alfred approached you, sitting down in front of the paper and art utensils and patting the spot next to him.

"Come. Let's draw together, (____)."

You sat down next to Alfred, sitting criss-cross and peering up at Alfred. "Why drawing?" You asked, watching as Alfred picked up a yellow crayon and slid a paper in front of you and himself.

"Because you have a bright mind, (____). You just haven't shown it yet." He responded, sliding a blue crayon towards you.

"Draw whatever you like. I think you'll enjoy it more than you think you will."

You picked up the blue crayon, looking down at the paper and thinking about what to draw.

What did you like? You used to like your stuffies, not as much anymore, though. You liked tea party's, but you stopped having those since...

You didn't want to keep thinking of him. You didn't want to see his face full of anger in your head again-

He's already haunted you enough in your dreams.

"I... I like dogs." You muttered, dragging the crayon you held in your dominant hand and dragging it slowly across the paper.

You made a line, then another, and another.

Alfred watched as you started drawing, a smile crossing his face as he began to draw alongside you. He preferred to draw a cat.

He would glance occasionally at your drawing, watching you draw with a concentrated expression and tongue sticking out.

After 10 minutes of comfortable silence, you let out an annoyed groan.

"This doesn't lok-look like a dog." You frowned, bringing up the paper for Alfred to see.

It was a dog with a square chest, four small lines that were supposed to be legs, a wavy line that was supposed to be its tail and a round circle with two dots for eyes and and a smile for its mouth. The dog did not have any ears.

Alfred raised an eyebrow, his lips pursing as he tried not to smile at the drawing of a dog that did not, in fact, look like a dog.

"Nonsense, (____). It looks like a dog to me." Alfred responded, biting his lip slightly as he tried not to laugh.

"You-You're lying, you're smiling!" You whined, pointing a finger at Alfred accusingly.

"I-I am not, Master (____)-" a smile crept on Alfred's face, covering his mouth with a hand as he looked away.

"Yes you are!"

Yes he was.

The living room was filled with fits of laughter and childish giggles as you and Alfred spent the afternoon drawing weird looking animals, stick figures of you and Alfred at the park, and big flowers that actually looked like flowers.

It was a start, but it filled with Alfred with hope that maybe you would get better.

.

.

.

Alfred was in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up as he took note that he had all his equipment for today's baked goods.

Measuring cups? Check. 2 large bowls? Check. Spatula? Check. Measuring spoons? Check. Muffin baking pan, baking cups, cooking spray...

While Alfred was making sure he had everything he needed, he couldn't help but notice small movements in the corner of his eye.

He turned around only to see your tiny hands grabbing at the edge of the table, up in your tippy toes in an attempt to climb onto it since the chairs were too big for you to sit on.

He would have to order smaller chairs later...

"Master (____), why are you trying to get on the table?" Alfred asked with a raised brow, his hands reaching down and picking you up by under your arms.

"I wanted to see!" You said, squirming in his grasp and trying to look over his shoulder to see what was so important that he was standing there in silence.

"I am making sure I have everything I need for blueberry muffins." Alfred explained, gesturing to the equipment as well as the ingredients he had on the kitchen counter.

"You're making muffins?" You asked, your big eyes staring up at him.

Alfred knew that look on your face, you wanted to eat the muffins once he was done making them.

He could see the way you kept looking at the equipment and ingredients on the table, a look of interest on your face.

Did you want to bake? Sensing a rare opportunity to teach you something new you seemed interested in, he quickly took it. "How about this, Master (____). If you help me make the blueberry muffins, I'll let you have some. How does that sound?" Alfred offered, setting you down gently on the tall chairs; bringing the ingredients and equipment to the table in favor of the table counter.

You nodded reluctantly, letting out a small huff. He couldn't keep those muffins from you!

"Here, can you spray oil in this baking tray? It's important that the muffins don't stick to top of the pan as they rise." Alfred explains, handing you a can of oil spray.

It seemed like an easier task than trying to get you to measure the flour, he was confident that your little arms wouldn't be able to hold up the bag of flour and you'd make a mess of the table.

Alfred carefully poured One and a half cups of flour into a measuring cup, he could hear you shaking the can vigorously and glanced over to see you spraying the oil into the muffin tray and around the top of it with both hands.

Relieved he made the correct choice, he focused on measuring the sugar next before he heard you shaking the can again and looked over to see you staring up at him with a mischiveous gleam.

Alfred didn't have time to question you before you sprayed him with oil.

Fortunately, he was wearing an apron that mostly took the brunt of the cooking oil. His right hand did have oil on it now, though.

He looked down at you as you let out a childish laugh, clutching the can of oil spray to your chest as you let out fits of laughter.

He wasn't very impressed, but it was hard for him to get mad. He hadn't seen you laugh like that in quite a while.

"That is enough of spraying from you, little one." He said firmly albeit without any real bite, gently taking the can away from your grasp.

He knew you didn't mean any real harm, it was just dumb kid's stuff.

he was glad you started becoming more playful and more willing to leave your bedroom.

He was happy you were improving.

You helped alfred whisk vegetable oil, eggs and milk together as well as lemon zest albeit with his steady hands keeping the bowl from slipping out of your grasp.

He would then add the mixutre to the flour, sugar as well as baking powder and salt, folding it in and then adding in the frozen blueberries.

He folded them in, making sure to not overmix the mixture and putting the mixture into the baking cups you had added into the muffin pan prior while you watched with curious eyes.

He would then put it into the oven and you cheered, clapping your hands together.

Alfred could feel his chest swell with affection, you deserved the world and so much more.

You ended up eating muffins with Alfred that day, they were tasty and you wanted to try baking again sometime.

.

.

.

You colored in the lines of a coloring book as best as you could with a yellow marker, occasionally glancing up at the TV in the living room as you laid belly first on the fluffy carpet.

You had the remote right next to you.

You had turned on the TV and flipped through the channels before finding one that interested you, ballet.

You had seen ballet dancers on TV before, but you had recently gained an interest in them. The ballet dancers on TV were so beautiful, the women would twirl flawlessly and moved with such grace that shouldn't be possible but it was. It was an you wanted to do what they could do. They were special, and you wanted to be special, too.

You just... Were a bit scared to go to ballet classes right now, with other kids.

You wanted to ask Alfred if you could maybe have a private teacher or something. You didn't know how to interact with other kids and didn't want to get hurt again if you made them angry.

Shaking your head, your thoughts drifted to today.

Today was a special day, too.

It was your birthday. You were turning four years old today! You hadn't seen Alfred all day since you woke up, you hoped he was planning some sort of surprise.

Your attention from your drawing of the ballet dancers that looked more like stick figures than anything as the screen changed to some news channel.

You looked up at the screen, confusion in your eyes.

This hasn't happened before, ever.

What was the occasion? You could see a young news reporter in a white suit, he looked into the camera with terrified hazel eyes.

Or maybe who was behind it.

"Is this thing on? Harley, make sure it's on!" A voice yelled, you swore you could hear a "Yes, Puddin'!" in the background.

A man dressed in a purple suit with green hair and very, very pale skin sauntered up behind the table where the reporter was, clearing his throat "Hello, people of gotham! I know that not many of you yet have heard of me but trust me when I say, you will." The man spoke with confidence in his tone, puffing out his chest slightly.

He held a mallet in his hand, tossing it around in both hands occasionally like child's play and whistling.

He looked like a clown.

There was something wrong with him.

"I am the Joker. You may know for poisoning the water supply here and there, fighting Batman in public every once in a while..." He trailed off, looking off towards the terrified news reporter with a deranged smile.

You just noticed that he was cuffed to his seat, trying to pull his wirsts out of the metal cuffs to no avail.

"While I do enjoy the publicity on the back of news papers for these last few years, it's frankly quite insulting." he sneered, his smile twitching as he turned to meet the reporters gaze.

"Tell me, dear citizen. What do you think of me?" You could see the clown's hands twitch while holding the mallet.

"I-I-" The man couldn't speak, he was sweating heavily and was gasping for air as he tried desperately to pull his wrists through the cuffs to the point his wrists began to bruise and bleed.

"I th-think-" He didn't even get to finish his sentence before the Joker raised the mallet up into the air and smashed his face in with a deafening crack you would never forget.

Blood splattered across the table, the back of the seat that the reporter was in and on the mallet.

A choked gurgle escaped the man, somehow still alive with his head dented in by the mallet before Joker swung again; this time causing his brain to splatter against the back of the wall, his skull shattering under the weight of the impact and crunch as his head was caved in,leaving the bottom of his chin the only thing somewhat intact.

Your wide eyes watched, taking in the blood, the brain matter and how much red and pink there was.

You could only watch as the Joker struggled to pull out the mallet from the man's dented in skull, finally pulling it out with a heave and ripping part of the top of his spinal cord out in the process with a wet squelch and causing tiny skull fragments to fly on the table, the floor and on the cadaver's lap.

You weren't focusing on what the Joker was saying at this point if he said anything at all or laughed hysterically that he killed a man on live television: You were focused on how the crimson liquid dripped down the table, how the pink mush slid down the wall and how dark the colors were.

Your hands tapped on the carpet around you before grabbing the remote and turning off the TV, staring down at your drawing blankly.

You picked up a red and pink marker and started to color in a new drawing.

It was the only color you could think of right now.

You couldn't get it out of your head.

Alfred would burst into the room minutes later, worry and fear on his face as he had rushed into the living room. "(____), you didn't have the TV on, did you?" He asked with thinly veiled concern, quickly scooping you up into his arms. "No Alfy. I wasn't watch-watching TV." You said calmly, burying your face into his neck.

You didn't want to make Alfred unhappy by saying you did, you just...

Couldn't risk getting hurt again.

You could hear Alfred let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "Good, I think It is time I showed you something Master (____). I want you to close your eyes, alright?"

"Okay."

Alfred walked out of the living room with you in his arms, not noticing how the drawing hidden under another that was of a stickfigure in a purple suit hitting another stickfigure with what looked like a big hammer and the pink and red scirbbled over the mallet, a poorly drawn table and the man's face.

NEW CHARACTERS!

The Joker

-There's no good in him, What does Bruce see in YOU?

Harley Quinn

-Psychotic bitch, just another accomplice. Just as bad as him.

Relationship status!

Bruce Wayne (your father): -5/100

-You haven't seen him in months.

-You wished he stopped that evil man in time.

-Failure.

Alfred Pennyworth (Your only friend): 95/100

-You only need him. No one else.

-You feel bad about lying to him

Richard Grayson (The one you fear): -30/100

-You've avoided him for months and haven't seen him, but he still haunts your dreams.

Taglist!

@the-dumber-scaramouche @sirenetheblogger @bellethesleepypotato @mev-fizzah-writes @tsxukikami @shycreatorreview @redsakura101 @feral-childs-word @lexi-username-1 @vanessa-boo @schnuggelig-schnecken-schnurrt @sleeping-l0s3rs @simpingpandas @vanilliona @shycreationdreamland @uu-uuu @crazycookies73307 @chericia @jellystar-star @sillysealsies @hopingtocleaemedschool @sukaretto-n @cantfindmelol @sunshinepower17 @ryuushou @kore-of-the-underworld @bongwaterflavoredgatorade @mxvoid26

A/N: Soooooo, that's the bad unavoidable experience. You don't catch any breaks do you? I never did say the experience would be caused by the family. The unavoidable is infact a direct consequence of choosing hobbies that are mostly done indoors. If one more hobby was an outdoor one this would have been avoided since you wouldn't be watching TV at the time. How you feeling about this? The taglist took a bit to write in which is why this is semi later than what I posted. If I didn't tag you I'm sorry, it took like 20-25 minutes to tag everyone. ALSO! ballet is going to be learned in chapter 5. You kinda aren't going to in chapter 4 cause of uhhhhhh well what happened above.

[thecloudsaremyhome]

☆Yandere platonic cult x reader part 1☆

Summary: you and your friends have been forced to go on a trip to Sweden so they could finish their research paper for extra credit, honestly you were just tagging along for the fun of it not having the chance to go out as much as you’d like to, little did you know your stay at the community would be long overdue.

Tw: religious themes, sacrifice, yandere themes, infantization, death, violence, manipulation. the cult is very yandere for you, mental health issues, panic attack,readers friends are rude.

Taglist: @lilyalone, @stove-top96, @shadowytravelerlover, @dirtydiavolo, @bellethesleepypotato, @kawaii-cakes, @ratterpatter, @violets-in-spring, @yandere-enthusiast @caged-birdies-blog @ridlike

Word count: 8k

“Come on (name)! Hurry up! We ain’t got all day!” You sigh in annoyance as you look towards your friends and yell back, “I’m coming jeez! Jeez, give me a second okay!”

Your friends look at you with an annoyed expression but shrug it off. You carefully pull your luggage out from the trunk of the rental car you all rode in.

Honestly, it was already exhausting enough having to fly in a plane for 6-7 hours straight and the worst part is, is that you didn’t get one ounce of sleep thanks to your friend's snoring.

So not only are you physically exhausted but you're mentally as well. Just great.

You sigh in relief as your finally able to get your last piece of luggage out of the van.

you close the trunk door and decide to observe the scenery around you. It’s magnificent, you think to yourself.

From the tall yellow-like grass to the crops growing nearby filled with vegetables and fruits.

Then there are colorful flowers of all types surrounding the other side of the field, each being carefully taken care of to the fullest extent.

It mesmerized you To be honest, you've never seen anything this beautiful before, the only extent is the park in the middle of your city and even that can never compare to what you are looking at right now. No wonder people say Sweden is one of the most beautiful places to be because it hasn't been tainted by technology.

The sun reflects down onto you and you can feel the heat radiating off of your skin, but luckily there is a strong breeze to soothe that heat, it's perfect weather today you think to yourself as you continue to admire the fields surrounding around you and your friends, it seems like its endless.

“(name)! Get your ass over here! We ain't got time to dilly dally.” your friend says in an annoyed tone.

You snap out of your trance-like gaze and look towards your three friends, you sigh in annoyance as you pick up your backpack and suitcase and walk over back towards them.

“finally took you long enough.” your friend Mia says in annoyance scanning your form in a scrutinizing gaze, she was always the more moody one out of your group of friends, always having a stick up her ass.

She had dark brown curly hair and hazel irises with freckles littering her tan-like face, she was mostly slender having some curves here and there. “sorry I just got distracted by the scenery.”

you mumble annoyed at her attitude, Mia rolls her eyes, and states

“whatever let's get a move on before it hits sundown I want to get this shit over with anyways.”

Your two other friends Jacob and Cady nod reluctantly cady has long ginger hair with freckles and brown eyes while Jacob has dark brown hair with blue eyes and a more slim build.

and thus began your walk down the fields toward the desolate forest ahead.

“Mia, do you even know where we are going? Did the professor even provide us a map at all?”

you ask nervously having this gut feeling that nothing good is going to come ahead but maybe it's just a feeling.

You haven't really traveled outside of the U.S before so maybe it's just the anxiety of being in new places?

“yes actually i do know where we are going, don't be such a scardy pants and yes the professor sent me the map since I am the team leader.”

she taunts you sigh rolling your eyes at her cocky behavior.

You four continue down the long rocky path which results in you taking a look at the surrounding forest.

The forest honestly had humongous trees well bigger than the trees you've seen before when growing up, which caused the tree's height to block out most of the sunlight.

The rocky terrain your walking on looks worn down like it's been used for years which it probably has. What amazes you the most is how many flowers and wildlife are in the forest your walking through.

Youve honestly never seen so many animals in your life just from being here for liek 30 minutes it truly impresses you.

You occasionally glance at some of the logs or cut-down tree stumps next to the path finding interest in whatever inhabitants are abiding in it.

But you shake your head trying not to get to side tracked while you're here.

You're not here to explore the forest or play with the wildlife your here to work, so that's what you're going to do.

After a least an hour of walking and complaining from Cady you four finally arrive at what looks to be like a wooden gate with two strange-looking people standing in front of it with spears and animal like mask?

Okay well that's very creepy, “what the fuck”

you heard your friend jason mutter in absolute disbelief. It seems he was just a shocked as you but it seems like mia is paying no mind to it as she flaunts towards the gait confidently looking over the two guards and their appearance, you do the same but from a safe distance.

They both seem like males that's for sure from their muscular build to the lack of clothing they are wearing, it seems they are wearing on robes with metal plates on their shoulders acting as a shield.

What you also take notice of is both of them have a wolf mask.

What is even more strange, one of the guards has long wavy blonde hair while the other has short dirty blonde hair. Maybe there siblings?

You shake your head trying to rid your thoughts before you start to overthinking, you refocus back on the scene of Mia trying to flirt with the blonde-haired guard.

Which makes your two other friends sigh in annoyance at her behavior.

You three walk over to where mia is standing infront of the two guards, cady then clears he throat in annoyance

“you done mia so we can get a move on?” mia sighs at cady comments and nods her head

“yes in fact i am done i was just conversing with these two gentleman~ here but they've been ignoring me like a brick wall! And the worst part is, is that they won't even let me in!” mia states dramatically, whining like a puny child.

This causes Cady and Jacob to raise their eyebrow in confusion at her statement of not allowing her inside.

“they won’t? Why the hell not did you tell them that we came here for the research paper? Surely the professor notified the community of our arrival right?” Jacob states in pure bewilderment.

“I don't fucking know I tried to tell them! But nothing seems to go through to them! Like i said their brick walls!”

Mia states loudly which causes you to flinch from her tone of voice which of course your friends don't notice as they start to argue acting as if they arent just talking about the guards in front of them.

You sigh ignoring your friend's argument as you decide to step forward toward the two guards

“Hello there! Me and my friends here are here for a research project on your community, i don't know if you are aware of it or not? But could you please let us in?”

You state nervously, finally the guards look towards you and examine you like your a piece of prey, which unnerves you, to say the least.

But what surprises you the most is when the blonde-haired one speaks.

“So you are the one’s the great one has spoken about”

the blonde man states looking at you with a blank and unnerving expression behind the mask not that you could see or notice it though.

“I-i um yes?” you say confused about who the great one is.

The guards notice this and nod reaching to unlock the wooden gate this of course catches the attention of your arguing friends.

They turn to look at the two guards and you with a surprised look but quickly school it to a neutral one not wanting to piss the guards off.

When the gate finally opens to another pathway straight ahead your friends take this opportunity to push past you and the guards and enter the community.

Of course, this startles you to some degree but you quickly are able to reign your cool.

You then quickly thank the guards before rushing after your three friends.

This action very much surprises the guards having been used to rude and disrespectful behavior from “outsiders” so you doing behaving the opposite of disrespectfully is surprising to both guards but it also is nice that there are at least still some good people out there in the corrupted world outside of their sanctuary, its refreshing to say the least.

You sigh tiredly as you finally catch up with your three friends as they continue to walk down the more clean path.

You all finally make it towards what looks like a town square with a fountain in the middle and multiple other houses around it.

The houses look like they are made out of wood with a brick-like roof on the top of most of the houses. Strange you thought to yourself as you continued to examine the center of the community.

But you finally snapped out of your thoughts when Jacob nudges you in the shoulder to grab your attention. Which causes you to turn to look at him curiously.

That's when you notice the multiple stares directed at you and your friends.

You then look towards the source of those stares and find yourself faced with multiple people surrounding you and your friends, all of them having animal-like masks on.

But what catches your attention the most is the tall lady at the center of the people surrounding you.

She seems to be at least 6 feet tall with her long chocolate-like brown hair flowing down her back with her being nothing but dressed in a pure white dress with golden patterns to it that reaches her feet.

That's when you notice she's barefoot as well.

Strange you think to yourself but you snap out of your thoughts again when the lady clears her throat.

“hello their visitors you must be the foreigners our leader has spoken of, we are enlightened to be in your presence i hope you have a wonderful stay here. I will have one of our members show you towards your sleeping quarters.”

and with that before you and your friends coil question her at all she takes her lead with some of the community members following suit behind her.

“That was strange” Cady muttered anxiously “Yeah no shit” Mia states looking at the community members in a scrutinizing gaze.

You sigh ignoring your friends' spiteful comments, you then hear someone clear their throat which stops your friend's rant.

“if you all are done, I will be showing you to your sleeping quarters.”

you then gaze at the person speaking in a monotone like voice and are met with a tall slim man dressed in a similar fashion to the other community members just with a cow like mask to his face.

Your friends clearly embarrassed clear their throats and mutter a quick apology before returning their gazes to the man.

The man nods approvingly paying them no mind as he starts to walk down the town square, towards where you four will presumably be staying.

You and your friends follow after him at a steady pace.

Of course, you are more distracted than your other three friends, with the agriculture the community has to offer.

This annoys your friends of course but they do not say anything about it.

You four continue to walk down the cement path trailing behind the man. You all start to walk more towards the outskirts area of the community.

after a few more minutes of walking you four come face to face with a cabin-like structure that’s smaller than the houses the community has to offer.

It has a rustic type look with cobwebs poking out on the outside of the porch.

The porch in itself looks like it could've seen better days with some chipped wood poking out with dents on it.

It clearly looks like it has not had inhabitants for years now.

The condition of the cabin causes your friends especially Mia to grimace in disgust.

“Is this seriously what we have to stay in!” Mia states loudly, glaring at the man.

This causes the man to turn back towards her looking at her as if she's a spec of dirt underneath his shoe.

“Would you like to say that again?” he says coldly which causes Mia to flinch as she stutters out “I-I u-um N-never m-mind.”

the man then scoffs but pays her no mind as he walks towards the cabin.

You sigh as you reluctantly follow after him with your three shell-shocked friends. You both stand behind him as he unlocks the door with a wooden-like key, he opens it and motions you all to step inside.

Mia then sighs and steps inside first followed by cady and josh then yourself once you enter you take a good look at the interior presented in front of you.

Its old thats for sure from the rustic interior and the dusty floor all the way to the cobwebs littering the place with broken furniture and a animal like rug placed infront of the living room randomly.

Alomsot like someone didint even want to bother to atleast hide it or place it correctly.

Mia sneers at the predicament clearly unsatisfied with the conditions presented to her. “What the fuck is this shit show?”

she esclaims loudly which causes you to flinch at her loud outburst which doesnt go unnoticed by the man.

He glares at her disapproingly “i suggest you lower your voice and watch your language young lady that is no way to speak to your elders.”

he says calmly but with a hint of annoyance to his tone.

Mia looks baffled by the way he is treating her like some sort of child which of course angers her causing her face to heat up in embarrassment.

Cady and jacob start giggling at her sudden embarrassment finding it amusing that their friend is getting put in her place. You sigh at mia’s obvious childish behavior.

“I apologize for mia’s childish behavior she shouldnt have acted out like that.’”

you say with a tired tone looking at the man waiting for at least a irritated or unbothered response instead your surprised when his gaze softens towards you “oh its alright honey you friends are vert rumbunchs but nothing that we can’t handle”

he says softly with an almost fatherly look in his eyes from what you can tell.

This causes you to flinch not used to nicknames you stutter out an embarsset response which of course he notices and chuckles in amusement.

“your a shy thing arent ya? It’s very cute.” he says in a playful tone which causes you to blush in embarrassment.

Your friends awkwardly stand by as the conversation between you and the man unfolds, Mia then butts in and clears her throat before looking at the man “I think we're fine here its starting to get dark and we still have to unpack.”

she states in an annoyed tone clearly not wanting to be around the man any longer than she had to.

This of course disappoints you having enjoyed the man's company but you push the feelings aside.

The man turns around again to face mia and stares at her indifferently “Very well then have a good night and please if you all need anything, just ask you are our guests after all,”

he says in a dark tone which causes shivers to run up your spine but you shake it.

finally the man exists through the front door leaving you and your friends in a tense silence.

“Well, that was creepy.” Cady says with a nervous tone to her voice.

Jacob nods his head in agreement “Yeah no fucking kidding this whole place is giving off bad vibes and the way they talk to us is patronizing.”

Jacob said in an annoyed tone clearly irritated by the whole ordeal.

“let's calm down okay? How about we start unpacking our stuff and get a good look at this place?”

i say with a skittish tone trying to calm down the clearly pliable tension.

“Fine whatever” cady states as she puts her duffle bag and suitcase on the ground and moves towards the kitchen.

Jacob does the same following behind Cady which leaves you and Mia alone.

“Mia you okay?” I say in a worried tone not used to Mia being so quiet throughout the whole ordeal. “ yeah I'm fine.”

she says in an annoyed tone which causes you to flinch.

It doesn't go unnoticed by Mia as she smirks in response, she then turns around towards the old couches and places her backpack, duffle bag, and suitcase on the dusty couch.

You sigh setting down your luggage near hers as you decide to explore, not wanting to make the tension worse.

You decided on going down the hallway nearest to the kitchen, deciding its the best option to explore first. You could find some bedrooms, This cabin is pretty big after all.

You sigh as you slowly start to trudge down the dark hallway you finally approach what looks to be an old door clearly worn down from the lack of usage.

You reach your hand out to grab the door nob but before you can you hear a loud bang coming from the kitchen which causes you to jump in surprise. You rush back towards the kitchen panting.

“What was that noise what happened.” you say in worry, only for Cady and Jacob to laugh.

“jeez such a scardy pants, aren't you? Dont worry, Jacob just accidentally dropped the pan we were gonna use to cook.”

Cady says in a teasing tone while she playfully smacks Jacob on the shoulder. Jacob sighs, annoyed and glares at her which earns another laugh from Cady.

You sigh in relief “s-sorry just something about this place keeps me on edge,” you say as you try to laugh it off to lighten the atmosphere.

Which of course doesn’t work as Cary shakes her head In Amusement before turning back around to start cooking.

You sigh in annoyance as you leave the kitchen, deciding to at least find a bedroom you can lie in, completely forgetting about the door you were previously going to open.

You walk down the opposite hallway and finally find one of the bedrooms, which is pretty extravagant to say the least compared to the rest of the house.

You look at it in shock, from the pure red blood bed sheets with golden tips to the golden headboard with silver butterfly piercings indented into it.

Then, there's the pure white carpet placed in the center of the room. Finally, there is a wooden closet at the end of the room.

You gasp in shock at how pretty it is before taking notice of the basket of fruit placed directly on the bed. You tilt your head in confusion before finally entering the room.

You approach the basket placed on the bed and finally take notice on a note placed next to it, written in another language.

Whatever you think to yourself as you decide, you should show the rest of your friends the basket.

“Hey guys I found this basket in one of the bedrooms!”

You say as you finally enter the kitchen, which causes Cady and Jacob to turn their heads towards me in curiosity. “Oh, you did What's in it? Let me see,”

Jacob says as he snatches the basket from your hands and searches through it.

Cady sighs in annoyance at his eager behavior.

“Damn it theirs nothing interesting in here just a bunch of fruit and crap.” jacob sighs in annoyance and throws the basket back towards me which causes me to stumble and catch it.

Cady glares at jacob “ stop being an ass jacob” jacob rolls his eyes and mumbkes a whatever before getting back to cooking with cady.

You sigh as you exit the kitchen and enter the living room. You place down the basket next to Mia.

you notice her annoyed expression. “Whats wrong Mia?” mia look towards you and shakes her head in defeat “i cant get any damn service out here!”

you chuckle at her whining behavior in return she pouts towards you but finally takes notice of the basket next to you both “whats that?” she says as she points towards the basket.

“It's just something I found in one of the bedrooms I came across while exploring i dont think it has anything interesting in it all it has is fresh fruit.”

Mia sighs and nods before standing up to grab her backpack and open her laptop and grab her papers.

“since dinner's cooking do you wanna help me fill out these papers, the professor said we had to document everything so might as well start.”

you nod your head in agreement mumbling a sure before being handed a few papers to help fill out.

Finally, for what seems like an hour, cady comes back towards you both to inform you guys dinner is ready which causes you and Mia to sigh in relief.

You both make your way towards the kitchen, which has four plates of pasta placed out on the counter for you all to grab you and mia mutter a thanks as you make you way back towards the couch to coutinue your work, which leaves Cady and Jacob to eat together.

After three more hours of work you and mia finally completed the worksheets needed for today sighing in relief you then state

“I’m going to go and get ready for bed ill see you tommrow mia, dont try and overwork yourself okay? You need to get rest as well since we have a busy day tomorrow.”

mia sighs in annoyance at your worry and nods “yeah yeah dont worry about me just get to bed sleepy head”

you sigh at her nickname and nod your head in amusement as you rab your luggage from the couch and make your way to one of the bedrooms in the cabin.

You pass Jacobs and Cady's room, them having already fallen asleep beforehand.

You finally approach the bedroom you explored beforehand, having decided you'll just sleep in there for the night.

But before you can enter, you hear a strange noise coming from inside,which causes you to halt in your footsteps.

Suddenly, you feel like you're being watched, which causes a shiver to go down your spine. You shake off the feeling before finally entering the bedroom again.

You place down your luggage next to the wooden closet. You sigh as you crouch down next to your suitcase and open it to grab a fresh pair of pajamas and your medication for the night.

You finally finish changing as you hop into bed, laying down on the plush pillows You reluctantly try to fall asleep.

You still feel like you're being watched, but this time, you can't brush the feeling off, which heightens your anxiety.

But after an hour of staying awake, you finally fall asleep only to be woken up again by the noise of the door to the bedroom being opened, which causes you to freeze, you then hear quiet footsteps approach your bed which causes you to hold your breath silently.

You then feel a cold hand on your forehead caressing you like a parent would to your child as the figure starts to hum a soft lullaby which reluctantly causes you to drift back asleep.

But before you fall asleep you hear one last word from the person “dont worry baby youll be home soon.” but before you can process the words you fall asleep.

You yawn as you open your eyes to the sun drifting into the room through the slightly cracked window placed next to your bed.

You rub your eyes in exhaustment as you sit up to look around in the room. What catches your attention though is the piece stuffed animal placed next to your bedside table.

You widden your eyes at the plush lamb finding it absolutely cute your carefully pick it up and inspect it before placing it down on your bed deciding to keep it.

You stand up from the bed ad yawn walking towards your suitcase to grab your clothes.

You finally finish changing and step out of your bedroom as you walk towards the kitchen were jacob and cady are up conversing while mia is doing her makeup in the living room.

“Hey sleepyhead did you sleep well?”

cady says in amusement which causes you to nod hesotantly still thinking abou the events that happened last night.

“well we got a busy day today so you better be prepared to walk alot!”

jacob says as he bites out of a piece of bacon presented on the counters which you nod in agreement.

Mia finally exits the living room “are you guys ready to go? I already have the gear ready so we can document.” you, cady and jacob nod in agreement.

You then go towards the living room to grab some of the gear with the help of Jacob and cady.

You all then exit the cabin and walk down the same long pathway towards the town square of the community.

You sigh in relief as you all finally enter the twon square which causes the commonity members to stare at you all as you enter.

“what’s first on the list of stuff we have to do?” you ask in curiosity “well first we have to gather information on the resources they grow and make here so maybe we hould interview some of the farmers first?”

mia says qustionly, you nod your head in agreement. Jacob and Cady also nod their head, agreeing with Mia.

“alright then, off to the fields we go!” mia says as she approaches a female wearing a lamb mask. “excuse me Ms. if you dont mind could you point us in the direction of the feilds were the farmers work?” mia asks confidently which causes the female to nod and point ahead downanother path.

Mia mutters a thank you and walks off. You three follow behind her as you examine your surroundings.

But you can't help but feel like you're being watched again, which causes you to look around frantically, paranoia creeping up on you.

Finally, after a long walk, you four make it to the grass fields were some community members farm fruit and vegetables. This amazes you, to say the least, on how much effort these people put in to keep the community afloat.

“Okay, (name) you can stay here while we go and interview some of the farmers. Don't wander off, okay?”

You nod in agreement as your friends walk ahead and leave you on your own. But something catches your attention.

A community member struggling with a basket of fruit. You rush over to help her with the basket as you help her put it down.

Then you take notice of how old she looks and a worry look crosses your face.

“oh well thank you dearie for the help my old back hasnt been like it used to be when i was younger.” the woman says in a motherly tone smiling warmly at you behind the tiger mask over her face.

“Its no problem, ma’am im just glad i could help. Is your back okay?” you say in a worried tone. Which causes her to chuckle in amusement. “Oh, im perfectly fine dearie ive been through worse but i do appreciate your help this is the first time outsiders have been as nice as you.” you stare at her in confusion at her statement which causes her tone to turn solemnly.

“we haven’t had the best experience with outsiders as a whole. There have been few that have been here before hand that werent the nicest but of course, we took care of them!”

you look at her sympathetically, but her last sentence catches you off guard. What could she have meant by that? But before you could ask her, she was already walking away.

You sigh in annoyance but shrug it off, deciding to sit down in the grass fields and wait patiently for your friends to return. Hopefully, they’ll be back soon, you think to yourself as you gaze up at the sun.

fiddling with the dandelion in your hand as you slowly start to doze off. But before you could fully fall aslee,p you feel a small tug on your shirt.

And you're surprised to be faced with a child no older than 6 sitting next to you and fiddling with your shirt. You hadn't even heard him approach you. But you smile softly at him, which causes the little boy to flinch.

From what you can tell, he has strawberry-blonde hair and blue eyes with the same white dress that you see all the other members wear he also wears a bird like mask on his face.

“hi, little one do you need something?” you say in an affectionate tone.

You always did have a soft spot for kids. He looks up at you in wonder before muttering, “I... I like your s-shirt,” he says timidly, which causes you to soften your gaze at his timid nature.

You carefully pick him up and set him in your lap.

He continues to fiddle with your shirt as he cuddles against you, which causes you to chuckle as you comb your fingers through his silky soft hair.

He cuddles closer to you before finally falling asleep. The scene just looks to serene and feels so peaceful.

You don't remember the last time you felt like this. Felt at peace.

But of course that peace has to be interrupted at some point as your about to close your eyes, you hear the talking if your friends as they approach you.

I guess they finished you think to yourself.

The noise causes the little boy to wake up in confusion but when he sees your friends approaching his grip on your shirt tightens as he galres at them This suprises you of course.

Your friends stop in their tracks as they quietly wisper to each other but to break the tense silence,e you wave them over.

They hesitantly approach causing the little boy to glare even more,e but he still grips onto your shirt.

“hey guys, are you done doing interviews with the farmers?” you say hesitantly trying to ease the tension forming. “yeah, we finished.” Jacob says sharply, and you can sense hes on edge, which causes you to furrow your brows in concern.

“Did something happen? You all seem..tense.” you say in concern as you inspect them. “Well-” but before Jacob could finish what he was saying Mia interrupted him sending a glare to jacob “nothing happened, so you dont need to worry now lets continue our interview so we can get it done before the so-called banquet we were invited to tonight.”

Mia says in a snipped tone clearly not wanting to waste any more time. You flinch at her harsh tone and nod reluctantly in agreement.

Your flinch doesn't go unnoticed by the little boy though as he glares even harder at your friends.

Of course, this goes unnoticed by you, but your friends do clearly notice and their shoulders tense at the harsh glare the boy is receiving to them.

You grab the little boy and place him off of your lap and stand up and dust the grass off your clothes. This causes the boy to pout behind the mask, having wanted to stay next to you a little more longer. But he doesn't voice this because he doesn't want to upset you, you ruffle his hair as you turn to face your friends as you happily converse with them.

But unnoticed to you the boy is having an inner turmoil of his own. Why do they have to capture your attention.

You shouldnt even be looking in their direction your friends are just a waste of space, not worthy of your presence because your his, his sister and he would be damned to let these insects ruin that.

Mama always have said outsiders are nasty people and now hes starting to believe it. But he hopes you can stay here forever with him and the community. Hes sure youd be very very happy.

Plus it's not like you’d miss your own boring life anyways right? You could have everything you need here. A loving community that is ready to do whatever it takes to keep you. And he hopes that that's what his community decides to do. Because he wants you to stay no matter what it takes.

You're extremely tired after four long hours of interviews and interactions with the other community members, you're finally glad the banquet came around the corner faster than expected because you were starting to grow extremely hungry.

Of course you weren’t the only one you noticed how antsy Jacob has been getting, clearly he’s hungry as well.

But the strange is that the little boy from earlier has been following you like a lost puppy which is cute of course but it still bothers you that his parents havent come looking for him at all and when you asked him he just said

“mama and papa are just busy! But thdey know im safe!” which of course has you smiling in relief but you still held that sense of worry.

As the hours stretched on your finally learnt his name, it was Abner. It was a cute name to say the least. But back to the present at hand, you four finally finished all interview needed for the first day and were getting ready for the banquet at 9:00. Which of course, Mia told us we had to dress “presentable” whatever the hell that means.

Of course, you didnt pack anything presentable to her standards so you opted for a black dress shirt and some formal pants with sneakers.

You sigh in contempt as you finally finish brushing out your hair and styling it.

You then exit your room. Then head towards the living room to wait for the rest of your friends to finish getting ready. You then spot jacob already dressed and ready to go as he scrolls on his phone.

Your smile softens when yo see him you then take a seat next to him on the old couch. He notices your presence and smirks “ look at you all fancy looking you look hot.” he jokes as you nudge him in the shoulder, playfully muttering a shut up.

After 30 more minutes of waiting Mia and Cady finally enter the room in ruffles dresses and high heels you sigh and roll your eyes at their so called “presentable outfit” “that’s what you all are gonna wear its not a ball you know?” you say jokily which earns you a galre from Mia and a scoff.

You chuckle again, putting your hands up in mock surrender but before mia could respond cady cuts in.

“stop teasing okay? We have to get a move on so we wont be late we are meeting with the leaders of this so called community. So we have to make a good impresion so we can get as much information as possible so we can pass this extra credit.”

Cady states sternly which causes you all to nod your heads reluctantly in agreement. Not wanting to argue any further you and jacob stand up and make your way to the front door ready to go, cady and mia follow behind you two.

You four exit the cabin and make you way down the path leading towards the community center. You look up towards the moon shining down on all of you.

You’ve always been fascinated by the moon and how it reflects. In your opinion, you say its absolutely beautiful everything about this place is beautiful

Finally, after minutes of walking, you all arrive at the community center and walk towards another pathway leading towards the great hall, an imposing structure that is made out of wood.

After 5 minutes of walking, you all finally arrived at the entrance of the great hall You can see the light peeking out from the large imposing door.

You four walk up the wooden stairs, and Jacob opens the wooden door allowing you three to enter in first.

Mia goes in first then cady, then you as you finally enter the great hall you are in awe at the scenery and design of the place.

From the flower decorations hung up on the walls to the candles and fruits then their is white tablecloth placed on the tables with a bunch of fresh food.

From chicken and beef to vegetables and fruit. All sorts of varieties littered the table which makes your mouth water and your stomach grumble in hunger.

You then take notice of the statue of a naked man standing at the end of the room with a large star like window placed behind him.

It's amazing how people who only depended on natural resources could make all of this happen.

Then you noticed the hundreds, maybe thousands of stairs boring into your back. You look around, finally noticing the community members are not only staring at your friends but specifically at you. Which creeps you out, to say the least.

But what shocks you even more is the 6 imposing figures placed infront of the imposing statue placed infront of the star window. To say they are intimidating is an underestimating it, they loom absolutely terrifying.

But one of the members you recognize as the pretty lady from yesterday which makes you widen your eyes in shock. She catches your gaze a smiles softly standing up to approach you.

You stagger back in shock to shocked to speak “hello its nice to see you again foreigner i would like to request that you join us for supper our leader would like to formally meet you as well as our officials.”

You look at her in shock but realize that you don't have any room for argument, noticing the serious tone her voice holds.

So, with a heavy heart, you nod in agreement, which causes her to light up and smile warmly. She grabs your arm and pulls you forward which causes you to stagger back.

But you reluctantly follow her to the table she pulls the chair out for you and allows you to sit down next to a very tall man. She then takes her seat next to you

“our leader will be here very soon so please dont mind his tartiness. Oh! I never got to introduce myself! My name is Ezra! Whats your name little one.” you pause deciding whether or not it would be a good idea to tell her but you decide to.

“My name is (name).” you say timidly, which causes the female to coo at your shy nature. Which causes you to blush in embarrassment with earns a chuckle from the other 5 officals. Which makes you blush even more in embarrassment.

But before you could respond a the great hall door slams opens as the gaurds from yesterday are stationed next it, bowing to what seems like a very large man maybe 7 feet tall? With long dark white hair that looks almost unnatural, he is wearing something totally different a robe with golden pattern designs with black dress shoes with golden designs as well.

He wears a bear mask, and from what you can tell, he is very muscular and has baby-blue eyes.

This unnerves you, to say the least. He's very intimidating, with a golden robe hanging off the side of his shoulder, and his steps seem precise and planned.

This also unnerves your friends as they glance nervously at you. But you notice the man is staring right at you. His eyes bore into your very soul with an intensity that is so extreme that it makes you uncomfortable. What is his problem?

You think to yourself, nervously picking at your skin as the man approaches with steady footsteps, as all the community members stand up to bow before his presence like he's some sort of god.

This unnerves you even more as his eyes continue to bore into you, analyzing every twitch and breath you make.

Finally he arrives at your table, standing right infront of you, ezra then stands up and bows the official sitting on the right of you does the same thing so does the other four officials.

But he doesn't respond to their formal behavior as he continues to stare at you motionlessly as you anziously pick at your skin.

He then reaches out and imoblizes your wrist from continuing to pick at your skin this leaves you in shock as you freeze in anxiety.

You can clearly see the size difference between the two of you. His hand can fit fully around your wrist like he could easily snap it at any time which scares you to say the least.

His intimidating frame adds even more to the tense atmosphere “ dont do that anymore child; you'll hurt your delicate skin, and we dont want that do we?” he says in a very soft tone which surprises you to say the least, not expecting his voice to sound so soft and velvety.

Which comforts you to some extent that hes not trying to intentionally scare you.

But he keeps a form hand on your wrist letting you know that he won't be letting go of it any time soon.

“I-i just do it out of habit i cant really control it sometimes when im really anxious.” you mutter timidly, not daring to face his gaze as he stares intently into you.

His gaze softens slightly, and he rubs circles into your wrist to soothe your growing anxiety.

Which doesn't exactly work as you can still feel him staring into you, including all the community members and your friends.

You’ve never liked being the center of attention so you're surprised you haven't gone into a full blown anxiety attack right now.

Maybe it's the way he's trying to ground you that prevents that from happening. You don't know, and you don't care you just want to get this over with so you can get back into that comfy bed and sleep.

But before you can dwell on the thoughts plaguing your mind you feel the mans hand let go of your wrist. He turns around to look at everyone else with a calculating look before that look softens to a more serene expression. “ let the feast begin!” he shouts.

He then walks over towards the seat standing right next to the statue. The chair looks more like a throne than anything with its golden pattern designs and the red velvet texture to it, you would think a king would sit on it.

You sigh as you snap out of your thoughts when a plate of food is placed infront of you with apple juice? The food looks absoulty delicious on your part.

From the perifcally roasted beaf with mash potatoes and vegetables on the side to the white rice with chicken in it. Damn you mutter under your breath as your mouth starts to salvate.

But then you take a look around and notice all the adults oncluding your freinds got some type of alcoholic beverage but you just got apple juice.

Thats weird you think to yourself but shrug it off not wanting to dwell on something not worth your time.

You start to dig into your food quickly which causes ezra to chuckle in amusement a she Coos at you.

“Don't eat so fast honey, we don't want you to choke do we?” this causes you to blush I. Emmbaresment putting your hea down in shame which causes her to chuckle even more. But when you took a sip of th apple juice it tasted very sour.

Which is weird but you shrug it off not bothering to worry about it but before you could take another bite, the chattering decreased in the great hall as the leader stans up to approach the center of the room, this of course catches your attention instantly.

“Brothers, and sisters daughters and mothers, fathers and sons tonight our banquet has been honored by the cesilatial god himself to bestow us and our community a blessing and so to thank him we will preform our ceremonial sacrificial ritual for our god and our guests as a thanks.”

he says in a soothing tone and you can tell his voice has a deep effect on these people her from their adoring looks to their devotion you can feel radiating off of them. It awes and unnerves you at the same time.

But what do they mean by a sacrafical ritual?

You think to yourself as you anxiety starts to grow. You look towards you friends who are sitting at a table near you and you also notice their anxious expressions.

But before you could dwell more on your thoughst the great hall door opens as two of the guards carry in a struggling woman.

Which makes you widen your eyes in shock and horror. The guards put down the woman oto the cement like structure of the statue and tie her in place.

Then you notice another community member come in with a large tray of candles a book and a dagger.

This unnerves you even more as you start to shakinly pick at your skin from the growing anxiety creeping up onto you.

What the fuck…what the fuck are they going to do to that poor woman. You think to yourself as you stare in horror at her as she screams and struggles and pleads.

This causes you to close your eyes and put your hands over your ears. You take shaking breaths as you feel an oncoming panic attack. But of course your friends don’t notice or are to shocked to care.

You return you sight to the scenes I front of you as the woman pleads but it falls on death ear as the leader grabs the dagger from the tray

“låt dem vara ljusa och låt vår gud ge dig gåvan av evigt stycke unge” he says to the woman before impaling the dagger in her lower stomach then into her right breast and finally into her forehead the blood from the stand leaks out of her lifeless limp body onto the floor.

You feel like your going to throw up as the community members stand up to clap in celebration like what he did was completely normal.

And you can’t hold it back anymore you dip down and realealse all what was in your stomach to begin with. You gag at the smell and pant feeling tears rolling down your eyes. Then you notice everyone is looking at you now again.

You need to get out of here now you think to yourself as you eyes look up towards your friends who are as equally shocked and disturbed at what took place.

But before you could say or do anything you feel the tightening hold of Ezra rubbing your back soothingly this disturbed you even more at how calm she could be when just witnessing a murder!

You can’t seem to wrap your head around it and your heart is pounding so fast you think you’d have a heart attack any second and maybe that would be for the better because you don’t know what’s going to happen next and you don’t want to find out.

You just need to get out of here now no matter what it takes you refuse to die.

Authors note: y’all I work so hard on this sooo please comment and like a lot I would like this to reach at least 1,000 likes that would be the world to me and I definitely am going to make part 2 which is way more darker and that’s were the more intense Yandere behavior comes in!

[yandereunsolved]

Yandere self-aware Dick Grayson—He really enjoys winging it.

Yandere Dick Grayson thought you were a god(dess) from another world. He first became self-aware while on patrol. He got hit in the face and sustained a concussion after the fight. He saw you for the first time—only your face. He became aware of the pictures on the pages of the issue you were reading. You picked up another one and opened it up, and he was still there. You watched something with Dick Grayson, and he was there. It was so incredibly overwhelming for him. He simultaneously exists in so many forms of media. 

It makes it that much easier to stalk you.

He can just as easily slip out of a show or movie and watch you through your phone, maybe your television, or your computer.

Yandere Dick Grayson doesn't tell anyone about you. He asks Tim to search for alternate dimensions, but he simply brushes off Tim's questioning. He needs to know exactly what this is. He deludes himself into thinking you have chosen him. There has to be a reason you are now connected. You must be some sort of higher being that needs his protection and help. He needs to figure out how to get to you.

Yandere Dick Grayson talks to you a lot. He addresses you by name; he learned it by looking through your online accounts. He talks about everything from the most mundane to the most personal. He bares his soul to you. He hopes that one day you will do the same in return. After all, he's never been this vulnerable with you before. 

It's startling the first time, but you think it must be some strange side plot. He must have a new love interest with your name that the writers haven't introduced yet. 

Yandere Dick Grayson has an unbelievably arduous time maintaining normal romantic relationships. He is madly devoted to you, but he has to maintain his normalcy. His family may think he has lost his mind or had it manipulated if he told them what he sees and who he loves. He can barely find it within himself to go on dates with those who fancy him. He grows bored almost instantaneously. He imagines them in your visage, and it eases the ache in his heart a little. He needs you. He craves it so dearly.

Yandere Dick Grayson does the most rational thing he is able to think of. He makes a shrine devoted to you and offers things to it. You have to do a double take when you see this. You begin to ignore any media surrounding him. It just keeps popping up. He breaks the fourth wall and begs you to forgive him. He has everything he's learned about you. He needs you. He's so ashamed. He's so used to being confident and having it all together. When with you that all crumbles. 

Yandere Dick Grayson is willing to support you through his hard time. He may be having panic attacks and beating himself off the page, but he knows you'll come back to him eventually. His dear deity would never forsake him. You wanted him to love you after all. Right? You did, obviously! You're just shy. No mortal has willingly worshipped you this much before. You're just busy in your world. You'll come visit him again.

Yandere Dick Grayson who eliminates your distractions for you. He simply pulls a few strings, sacrifices some people, and offers lost souls to demons! They drag you into his world, and he is so overjoyed. You are just a little frazzled. That's why you look so scared. Don't you worry. He'll keep you safe for the rest of his life. He may even sell his soul to make himself immortal so he may stay with you forever.

[acid-ixx]

FOAMING IN THE MOUTH AT THE FIRST CHAPTER!! the way you wrote dick still imagining reader as a small child because thats the only time he remembered them as is SO GOOD. i am living for the angst and desperation in this fic, and i can't to see how each of them react to the situation, especially damian because he and reader have the sane blood. when dick texted reader pretending everything is cool and like he didn't ignore them for thirteen years is a such a good concept. i can only imagine reader screaming on the other side because of opening the message accidentally lol. i cant stop thinking about how the reader's reaction to the text message would be like, finally moving on and healing and then boom! the trauma resurfaces and dick having the audacity to reach out while reader is having a breakdown, confused and scared for what'll happen next. sorry for filling up ur inbox!! i wrote a lot more than i thought oops take care of yourself and remember to takes breaks!!!! <3

reader when the self destructive impulses kicks in because of a family they have long gave up on finally started to notice them the moment they have moved on: 😧

no because dick grayson would infantilize you to the max. not in a "you're a toddler" way but rather he sees you as his innocent baby that he failed to guide and protect. he truly wants you to see him as the same person you view him as years ago, not wanting to be any less in the eyes of his baby bird <3

he'll admit that the things he's done is a shit move, constantly denying you when his entire schedule is flexible for the family but you.

so he should've expected to be blocked, but he just can't stomach it at all that his baby bird didn't even hesitate to cut him off in an instant! it just furthers his protective nature to a t and if it wasn't for damian suddenly appearing by the door, dick would've spiraled into insanity deeper.

what i mean by insanity is; he wouldn't sleep for days tracking you down, then he'll take you away from your wretched home and bring you back rightfully where you belong.

meanwhile, on the other side of gotham, you'd be on the verge of a panic attack, nearly splurging your guts out and trying to calm yourself with relaxation techniques. you quite literally couldn't walk straight without stumbling to the bathroom because holy shit imagine your brother whom you haven't nearly talked to for years suddenly called you! with cryptic messages no less that never implied your family's years of neglect towards you. i would be smashing my phone across the room, to be honest.

the moment he's turned a full yandere, damian would be really deep into the "blood is thicker than water" ideology when it comes to you. he'll apologize to you, glare plastered on his face and all, but compared to the others, his apology sounds so genuine yet condescending at the same time. you both are of the same blood, save for the fact that you share different mothers but that doesn't matter— he should be the favorite.

not dick, not jason, not tim, or anybody else for that matter. and he'll be shoving it in your face that he's the youngest so you should be obligated to baby him. and even if you dare make a point on how he had called you immature for your age multiple times, damian would find a way to guilt trip you and it would always fucking work. to avoid further spoilers, i wouldn't want to expand on his character traits but damian would be the worst type of pain in the ass, near the levels of dick.

[girlsworldillusion]

Scream for me little lamb

Ghostface!Aemond x Fem!Reader

Summary: You don't know him, you haven't even seen him before. Yet this cruel killer is in your mind, entangled like a parasite. For just one night you want to get rid of this feeling - to get rid of him. What's the worst that could happen?

Rated: Explicit (+18)

Dividers: @cafekitsune

Word count: 5k

Author's Note: This story contains themes that may be disturbing or triggering for some, such as: DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS, BLOOD, MURDER, OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR, THREATS, AND SEX. Your health (mental and physical) should always be your priority, if any of these themes are too heavy for you to handle I beg that you ignore this post. To those who choose stay, I wish you a good read!

The reader suffers from some emotional issues. But who doesn't, right?

English is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes you may find.

Come on, it’ll be fun, she said.

You urgently need to relax, she said.

It’s just a quiet night, what’s the worst that could happen? She said.

Quiet night my ass, you think.

“Come on, pumpkin, you’re not even trying!” Your roommate scolds you, shouting too close to your ear, causing you to flinch with a uncomfortable grimace. “There’s life outside the dorms, you know? Is it really that much of a challenge to just enjoy the party?” Her pout is exaggerated enough for anyone in the room to see, even with the shitty stereoscopic lighting in the place.

“Hey, just try, okay? Smile, drink more, find someone cool to flirt with a little. I don’t know, do something other than just studying nonstop! Please try to have fun!” The liquid in the red cup clutched between your fingers nearly spills onto your clothes with the not-so-subtle push she gives you, her shrill, excited voice echoing louder and louder in your ear, managing to accomplish the impressive feat of overcoming the already criminally loud volume of the music playing on the speakers.

"Your idea of ​​fun is very different from my idea of ​​fun." You say, a good few decibels below her tone, grudgingly sipping another sip of your sickly sweet drink. "Ugh, this is horrible!" You wince at the syrupy, artificial taste of alcohol on your tongue, the bridge of your nose wrinkling in disgust - the exact same reaction as the last four times you've had a drink. Mako notices it too, if the wry laugh that leaves her lips is anything to go by. But what in the world is this anyway? And why in the hell do you keep drinking?

"Here I am, just trying to be a good friend by getting you out of that depressing cave you call a dorm to bring some action and joy into your life to, you know, expand your horizons, and you pay me back with complaints and boredom? That hurts, pumpkin, really hurts!" She's a total drama queen and your completely unimpressed expression makes it clear.

"Seriously, gaslighting now?" You roll your eyes so hard you think you can feel them in the back of your head.

"Don't blame a girl for trying!" She holds up her hand in a peace sign, another unrepentant smile on her lips.

You shake your head in denial.

"Anyway, I still find it really weird that they're throwing a party so soon after those students were killed." Your voice drops lower, looking out at the noisy crowd with a frown of disgust.

She snorts, knowing full well that something like this was coming.

"Look, I'm sad about what happened too. But it's okay to relax once in a while, okay? Shit, you're young, single, and hot as hell. You should be enjoying your life. We can't let some weirdo with a death god complex stop us from having the best time of our lives!" Your friend gestures wildly with the hand that isn't holding her glass, the alcohol in her system making her even more giggly and reckless than usual.

She exchanges 'Rated: M' glances with a buff guy across the room - a popular member of the football team and one of the hosts of the party, you recognize - winking provocatively as she shrugs her shoulders to show off her breasts, being completely and embarrassingly open about her naughty intentions toward him tonight.

"Come on, you can't honestly tell me you don't think any of these frat guys are good enough to eat in one bite."

There’s a hint of reprimand dancing on the tip of your tongue, an almost natural instinct to tell Mako exactly how selfish she’s being right now, insensitive even, with everything that’s happened recently. You weren’t close or even knew those students directly, it’s true. But they were still students at your college, faces you saw every day among the masses. They were people who had been around for a short time, walking and breathing. And then they weren’t anymore. Their young lives were taken away before they could know exactly what they wanted to do with their futures, who they were going to be in the grand, merciless scheme of things.

You don’t feel comfortable celebrating when there are parents at home crying over their children whose bodies have barely cooled underground.

But Mako was right about one thing.

The idea of ​​living in daily fear of a man you had never seen in your life was draining every bit of spare energy from you. This mysterious killer had managed to disturb you, making you constantly paranoid, scared, and fearful. You spent your days looking around, suspicious of everything and everyone, with the electrifying feeling that at any moment he could jump in front of you and make you his newest victim. He even controlled your schedule. Because of him, you barely left the dorms anymore, always declining your friends' invitations with lame excuses. Not that you were a social butterfly before this, but this was a completely different level of seclusion - high even by your standards.

The thought that this man, who probably didn't even know you existed, was dictating the way you lived your own life was disturbing, to say the least.

You looked around, uncomfortable at how everyone was shouting, dancing, smoking, laughing, singing loudly - acting as if nothing had happened. As if three college friends hadn’t been brutally murdered a few days ago. It’s wrong, and your whole body screams it. It’s not respectful, it’s not safe. And yet, for some reason beyond explanation, you seem to be the only one terrified; the only one who’s actually having your life changed to avoid becoming a statistic.

And in that moment, with that realization in mind, Mako’s words make some sense. You don’t want to give this psychopath that kind of power.

“God, is sex all you think about?” That’s what you choose to say after a long pause, sighing in boredom at the nothing less than shameless winks your friend is giving the guy through her eyelashes. The guy, surrounded by his usual horde of friends who are just as scoundrels as he is, is returning Mako’s advances with double the intensity and lack of decorum; splaying a large hand over his jeans, right where the bulge of an admittedly sizable erection is, grinning at her like a mediocre porn star. Any more obvious than that and they’d be fucking right here on the floor, in front of all these people.

That, coupled with the creeping onset of a growing headache with each deafening beat of the speaker and the unstoppable chatter of the students around you, is making you more anxious than usual. The mass of bodies squeezing against each other to the rhythm of the music is so thick that you can barely tell one person from another; the smell of alcohol, shared sweat, sex, and cheap weed makes you wrinkle your nose every few minutes.

For socially stunted people like you, there were few things as overwhelming as a frat party roaring at the top of its lungs.

“Hey! Don’t blame me for this, blame those thirsty youthful hormones.” She shrugs as she speaks, tilting her head to slyly wrap the straw between her lips and suck on some more of her drink, her catlike gaze dancing indecisively between you and the guy from the football team.

You roll your eyes, but can’t help but feel a bit tinge of envy at her easy, playful attitude, the way she could just tune out her problems and enjoy the ride. She’s at home here, you notice; a natural in her habitat. This is normal for her — just another night amidst the noise and blatant flirting, playing with lewd looks that by itself carry more sexual activity than you’ve experienced in months.

Mako has always been your antithesis; bold and vibrant, seeing a bright and fun side to every situation — no matter how fucked up it was. Always trying to color the monochromatic palette of the world with the eccentric catastrophe that is her personality.

You, on the other hand…

Suffice it to say, your way of seeing the world is far less optimistic.

You pinch the bridge of your nose in exasperation for a second, already knowing that you’re going to regret your next decision.

But you were already here, right? And she said it would be fun. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to try and enjoy it.

You sigh deeply before changing your expression, looking up at an expectant and anxious Mako, practically bouncing on her feet as she awaits your decision.

"So...you think I'm hot, um? Tell me more about it." Your lips stretch into a forced smile as you awkwardly shake your hips in that stupid Sailor Moon costume she forced you to wear, trying to have even a fraction of the blissful ignorance that naturally flows from your friend. You want to enjoy the ride. Even if the base boost of the music is threatening to tear down not only the walls of the frat house, but also the ones in your skull.

Mako's loud laugh assures you that you've managed to make her happy.

It's like she said...

What's the worst that could happen?

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

"No, no, no, not now..." You get your answer about two hours later, with your hands resting on the bathroom counter of a random suite upstairs, staring at your helpless reflection in the mirror.

There is some kind of purple LED in place of the conventional bulbs, flooding the entire bathroom with low lighting typical of a gaming room or something, a fact that only serves to make you even more distressed. The nuances in light and dark shades of violet almost mockingly highlight your blatant desperation in the mirror's reflection.

It is true that the intense blush on your cheeks and the bridge of your nose and the skin damp with sweat could easily be justified by those drinks and every attempt at electrifying dance and involuntary contact with countless heat bodies in the cramped party room, as well as your unstable breathing and disheveled hair.

But the way your hands are shaking violently where they’re flat on the granite, or the way your heart trapped in your ribcage seems to swell until it threatens to burst, and how your throat is tightening to the point where you’re choking on tiny, fragile wheezes…

These symptoms speak of something else…

You’re about to have a panic attack on irrefutable evidence.

God, how long has it been since you’ve had one of these? A year? Maybe longer?

It doesn’t matter. Fuck, it doesn’t matter now!

You sigh a thin, impatient sound between your teeth, the strands of hair on the side of your face trembling along with your entire body, your hand letting go of the edge of the sink to palm in anguish the space between your breasts beneath the garish purple lace of your costume — where your heart feels like it’s being crushed in a tight fist.

Could it have been the deafening beat of the music? Has your seclusion for so long left you so unprepared to deal with something like this? Or could it have been the incessant chatter of the students? Maybe the sheer number of people crammed into this godforsaken frat house that was clearly not designed to hold so many at once? Could it just be a consequence of your obsessive neurosis about him?

"97..."

You're falling. Or maybe flying?

"89..."

Floating in time and space. Deaf to anything but the terrors of your own mind. Reciting decreasing prime numbers like your therapist had taught you, a conscious effort to control and distract your collapsing nerves and the painful pounding of your heart.

"Fuck...fuck...83 -, ugh!"

Your eyes squeeze tightly together, unwilling to face your ravaged reflection in the mirror any longer, your head spinning in denial. The walls are too close, the floor too far beneath your feet, your own skin too tight around your flesh.

"79," you force the number from your lips, force your breath out in shallow puffs, cold sweat trickling down the back of your neck.

The thumping music downstairs is a bit muffled now, though the party is as lively as ever - but up here you feel your world shudder and crumble beneath your feet. 

But you'll survive. You always survive.

Keep breathing...just keep breathing -

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

"7..."

You've been counting prime numbers for longer than you can keep track of right now, but somewhere along the grueling hell that is imploding in your own mind, your voice has regained a bit of strength. Your fingers are also shaking less, you notice distantly.

With a pained sniff, you look up at the mirror as you feel you've regained a fraction of control of yourself, taking in the humiliating image before you.

Your gaze is dull and tired. Your nose and cheeks are redder than before, your skin sticky with sweat that's now almost dried. Your whole body still trembles slightly in the aftermath of the panic attack, and the hair around your face is messier than before from all the times you pulled it in the middle of the crisis. You're a mess, undeniably. But you feel less like shit now than you did a few minutes ago, and that should count as some kind of bittersweet victory in your book of failures.

With a tug, you pull the long white gloves off your hands to turn on the faucet, letting the water run down your cupped palms to spray a little on your face. The cold water on your overheated skin makes you sigh.

This is the kind of person you had become, isn't it? Someone incapable of going to a simple frat party without having a damn panic attack. How pathetic.

"That's it, no more parties for you, young lady." You mumble as you dry your hands and cheeks on the fluffy towel hanging next to the sink, silently praying that your shaky legs will cooperate on the walk to your dorm on the other side of campus.

Mako wouldn't much like knowing that you were already leaving, but you'd like it even less for her or any of your friends to know about your little meltdown in the upstairs bathroom. It was bad enough that you had no control over it, you didn't need to see the pity reflected in her eyes when she found out, only adding to your humiliation.

Poor little broken thing, she would think.

Maybe you could just slip away without being seen and text her when you got dorms to say you were okay, leaving her questions to deal with later. You had already handled more than you could handle tonight, she would understand eventually. Not that she would notice your absence for a while, busy as she was swapping saliva and other bodily fluids with that guy.

Your phone vibrates abruptly on the counter and you jump at the unexpected noise, blinking rapidly at the letters on the screen.

Unknown Number.

With a eye roll and a still-racing heartbeat, you decide to just ignore the call, as you usually do every time an 'unknown number' pops up. Honestly, who still makes calls these days when you have a messaging app that works just fine, thank you very much? But whoever is behind that call doesn't feel the same way, and soon your iPhone's screen flashes again, bright as a beacon in the purple bathroom lighting, the device moving a few inches across the counter with the vibrations. You sigh and ignore it once more until you're done, but it vibrates again on a third try. And a fourth, when the last one doesn't work.

On the fifth try, you pick up your phone and answer with an exasperated huff, summing up your mood perfectly.

"Hello?"

The person on the other end of the line has the audacity to let out a sigh of relief - dramatic even, you might say, upon hearing your voice.

"There she is. For a moment there I thought you weren't going to answer, princess." The voice that greets you is soft, laughing, a satisfied and calm masculine purr.

"I tried. What do you want?" You answer sullenly, not in the mood to deal with this probable pervert who has nothing better to do with his life than to disturb random people late at night. You were never the brightest star when it came to social chess, and you certainly wouldn't start being so soon after your first panic attack after so long without any episodes. You were out of practice. Your head throbs, your nerves are frayed, your voice is fragile, the muscles in your body ache from the time you spent tense and trembling during the crisis. You just want to go bed.

"Easy now, little girl. I just want to know if you're okay." He hums, oblivious to your irritation.

You know he clearly hears the disdainful snort that leaves your lips. Before you can respond, however, he continues with the sentence that would change your life forever.

"That was really bad...are you sure you're better now?"

You blink at the mirror, your brows furrowed in irritation and headache. You know you should just end the call, not entertain any malicious intentions from this stranger. Yet, you find yourself answering before you even realize it.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your panic attack, love. That was a big one, hm? I thought it would never end." He hums nonchalantly, as if discussing his favorite ice cream flavor, and you part your lips at your reflection, a warning shiver settling at the base of your neck and slowly making its way down your spine.

"Um," you swallow uncomfortably, subtly glancing up at the walls and tight corners of the bathroom, looking for possible openings or hidden cameras. You had the bad luck to walk into some weird, perverted frat nerd's room, is that it? "So you're at the party too. Having fun time?" You shrug in the mirror, trying to sound blasé about what he said, but your voice is noticeably shakier than you’d like.

There’s no reason to be nervous, you try to reason with yourself when your visual scan doesn’t point to any apparent cameras. This guy probably just saw you hurrying up the stairs and is curious about your delay in returning to the party, that’s all. Although it’s still weird, since you made sure to hide in the privacy of the bathroom before your meltdown was actually noticeable to any prying eyes.

And how the hell did he have your number anyway?

"Oh yeah. Having a great time." The man answers, the lightheartedness in his voice fading to a deeper, darker tone at the end, though the smile in his voice is clear - mocking, even through the call line.

"By the way, I loved your costume. Which Sailor are you?" He prompts, returning to his airy tone, and you entertain once again the urge to just hang up on him, your already severely damaged nerves not quite able to handle the load of honest, and pointless, curiosity in the stranger's husky voice. The abrupt change in intonation makes your headache throb more by the second.

"Uh, Sailor...Mars...I guess?" You shrug, unsure why exactly you bother answering, the tip of your index and middle finger on your other hand coming up to massage your temple in slow circles, eyelashes resting on the top of your cheeks as you squint tiredly. Honestly, you're not sure if your answer is right. Having barely time (or interest, to be honest) to assess the costume before tonight - when it was shoved rudely in your face by a Mako determined to bring you to this party. You don't trust your knowledge of Sailor Moon, or any anime for that matter, to confidently answer the man's question. But...yeah...you think you might be right.

"It looks so cute on you, sweetie." He purrs on the other side; sickeningly sweet, sweet as molasses. And that's what makes you straighten up in front of the mirror - his voice suddenly sweet. Your eyes become fixed, a small hitch in your breath; suspended, alert, waiting for his next words. "I've thought so since you arrived at the party. So cute and so fucking pretty. Tiny and pretty in that silly costume."

"W-what? Who's...?" You swallow uncomfortably, but he interrupts you.

"So pretty, and so lonely too. Always lonely, aren't you sweet girl?" The way he says it, confident and calm, as if he’s absolutely certain of what he’s saying, as if he knows you. You squirm, agitated and raw, but you clench your fist at your side.

“And how would you know that?” You want to sound sharp, but you know your voice betrays how much he’s upsetting you.

“Oh, I can see that, princess.” He breathes, followed by a low hum, stretching out an enigmatic pause until your fingers are trembling around the phone. “I see how you’re always alone; misfit and scared, like a little deer hiding from the glare of headlights to avoid being caught. Isn’t that what you do, love? Trying everything to get away from that airheaded friend of yours and others equally idiotic, burying your nose in some book in the quietest part of the library so you don’t have to talk to anyone. Your hiding place, isn’t it?” He laughs with clear disdain and you feel your vision blurring, the discomfort in your stomach worsening with each word he utters.

But he doesn't stop there.

"I see how those beautiful eyes are always brimming with emotions, emotions that you deliberately refuse to share with anyone, no matter how much they insist that you open up. It's interesting how you have social options, but you choose solitude every single time. Not that that's a complaint, of course. Solitude suits you well, sweet thing."

Your breathing is faster now, loud enough for the stranger on the other side to hear, but you don't care about that. All you can think about is the information the man spewed into your ear.

He knows where you retreat to escape the incessant noise of the world around you, he knows the walls you've built around yourself, the emotional blockage in opening up to anyone - your complete unwillingness to do so. He’s not just talking about the color of clothes that you usually wear around campus — a quirk that anyone could notice and use to scare you at a time like this. No, it’s not that simple. He’s talking about intimate things, about feelings; things that only someone who lives with you could say.

The thing is, you’re not an idiot. A self-imposed hermit with anxiety issues? Of course yes. But not an idiot. You understand enough about human psychology to know that every word that comes out of this stranger’s mouth is a threat cloaked in a teasing, sugar-coated tone. And the fact that he’s telling you personal things isn’t coming from some bizarre attempt to initiate a social interaction with you, but a demonstration that he knows exactly who you are. The game is blatantly in his favor, because he knows you, but you have no idea who he is. He holds the power here, and he’s making that clear to you.

"Are you okay there, princess? You've gone so quiet on me sudden." His voice snaps you out of your trance once more, eyes flickering rapidly to your horrified reflection in the mirror.

"W-who are you, a fucking stalker? How the hell do you know this things about me?" He laughs at the false bravado in your voice, your discomfort obvious and clear to him, no matter how much you don't want it to be.

"Nah, more like a secret admirer, I'd say." He answers you matter of factly, the acidic smile on his lips bleeding through the line. "Secret not for long, of course." There's a hint of suspense in it, something ominous that lingers in the silence that follows, as if he's purposefully fermenting you in his dark insinuation.

That's it, you need to hang up.

"Don't call me again or I swear I'll report you to the police, idiot." You threaten with a venomous sigh. A bluff, of course. There was no way you could make a minimally consistent complaint when you not only had no information about who this crazy man could be, but there wasn't even a real number registered for that call that could serve as evidence in a future police report. Unknown Number, that was all you had to work with. He knew that too, judging by the amused laughter buzzing on the other side of the line. You still hear it clearly when you pull the phone away from your ear to click the red icon on the screen, ending the call.

You're shaking when you look up at your reflection in the mirror, the woman in front of you staring at you with wide eyes and a scared face, the rush of raw adrenaline in your veins making your body vibrate like a power cable.

She said it would be fun.

Mako said it would be fun.

You shouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for that damned promise.

The prospect of change wasn't appealing to you; safety was appealing. Habits and routine were appealing. Habits and routine kept you healthy, safe. Nothing outlandish ever happened in your life, and you almost preferred it that way — if there were no surprises, there would be no disappointments, no risks, no panic attacks.

You weren’t supposed to be here tonight, and there was no other explanation than the folish notion that some cosmic misalignment had occurred and you were stuck right in the middle of an anomaly.

You try to take a deep breath, the discomfort in your chest indicating a possible second wave of panic approaching. No, no, not again. You just want to leave, you want to get out of this damn house and back to the safe confines of your dorm room before any more horribly improbable things happen to you tonight.

Rationally, you know that leaving the bathroom doesn’t seem like the most sensible option, especially when the stranger on the phone has offered you clues that he’s lurking outside. But all your scared, adrenaline-fueled mind can process at the moment is the urgent desire to get away from this place as quickly as possible. And that’s why you take one last deep breath, offering one more look at the forlorn woman in the mirror before quickly grabbing your gloves from the counter and turning to open the bathroom door, walking out without looking up as you unlock your phone with trembling fingers to text Mako.

"Ouch!" You gasp as you hit your forehead on something solid as soon as you step out, your phone dancing between your hands with the impact until it falls to the floor with a loud thud, along with your white gloves. Your instinctive reaction is to bend down to pick it up, already fearing possible damage to the screen, a damage that you certainly couldn't pay at the moment, but the tip of a black boot immediately appears in your line of vision, kicking your phone into the bathroom with a rough blow.

"Hey, what's your problem?!" You growl, looking up, your neck craning to glare at the rude idiot in front of you.

However, the indignation dies on your tongue and your heart sinks in your chest when the empty eyes of a masked figure stare back at you.

It's a costume party, of course, and the guy is in costume. There's nothing really suspicious about it. Nothing you should think twice about.

But when your eyes slide to what he holds between his fingers; the blade of an intimidatingly large kitchen knife, dripping thick liquid in fat crimson drops onto the floor, the smell is ferrous and acrid and so unmistakable; so strong that not even the smell of cheap weed and wet sex that seems to be embedded in every square inch of this frat house is enough to cover up that odor. Blood. Human blood. Dripping and heated.

And you just know.

You know it's him.

God knows how many days (fucking weeks) your hyperfocus has been on this man. The search bar of your browser and social media was full of questions about him, hunting like a detective in the safe solitude of your dorm room, eagerly searching for any clues to his identity. Nothing but "tall masked man" was what you came up with, no matter how hard you tried. His victims didn't live to tell the tale and the few, rare glimpses of him were too vague to confirm anything.

It’s insane the idea that you could tell it was him when there was barely any information about who he might be or what he looked like, but you know — you just know.

He stands there, relaxed and unfazed as you study him with growing horror, as if it were the natural thing to do — as if he’d been waiting all along for you to open the door so he could enter. And then the masked figure takes a casual step into the bathroom, the easy confidence in this simple act foreshadowing his ease in overpowering his victims.

You swallow hard, backing away slowly as you lock eyes with the killer’s empty mask holes. The notion that there’s no way out of the room becoming painfully obvious to you. The man takes up the entire space of the exit; the width of his shoulders spanning almost from one side of the doorframe to the other, his long legs slightly apart to fill any gaps.

The only way out of here would be if you stepped over him; and that wasn’t going to happen.

So much for a fun night.

(Part II in progress, if you are interested.)

[uhhhj13iguess]

kiss it better

stiles x reader

wc: ~1k

like the stydia kiss in season three when stiles is having a panic attack, except you're the one panicking and he kisses you!

obviously details a panic attack so trigger warning for that

masterlist

"(y/n)?"

stiles knocked softly on your door, frowning at the lack of response. he called your name a few more times to no avail, slowly opening the bedroom door with a deep breath. he called out your name again, sounding his presence before even looking in the room. was he concerned you were unresponsive because you were dead? yes. but he was still a man of respect.

his heart grew heavy in his chest as his eyes fell on your frame. you sat on your window sill, legs curled to your chest and a heavy blanket wrapped around your figure as you balanced on the ledge of the open window. not in a concerning way, stiles decided. you didn't appear ready to jump, but rather more... pensive. he couldn't see much of your face, as you overlooked the activity on the street below, but he could hear you crying. the entire scene was gut-wrenching to him.

you, on the other hand, considered it pathetic.

you didn't hear stiles entering your room, lost in your own world as tears stained your cheeks. your once racing thoughts had been numbed by feelings of dissociation, no longer having the energy to even ruminate anymore. you pulled your weighted blanket tighter around your body, hoping at this point it would just crush you and swallow you whole. you nearly fell out the window at the sound of stiles calling out your name.

"... (y/n)?

you turned to face him, and you swore he almost looked as sad as you did.

he stepped hesitantly into the room. "i'm sorry, i, we just, we haven't h-heard from you all day. are you... are you okay?"

the fatal question.

as soon as the words came out of his mouth, you choked out a sob. the emotions you had detached yourself from came flooding back into your system, and you lost control.

you couldn't breathe. you couldn't think, yet that was somehow all you were able to do — no words would come out no matter how hard you tried. stiles ran to your side immediately, pulling you from the window and onto the ground.

"shit, hey hey, okay hey, stay with me (y/n)," he tugged you against his chest, holding you as tight as he possibly could as if he was afraid you'd run. as if you had that kind of control over your body in this moment.

you felt yourself beginning to hyperventilate, no longer feeling like you could get any oxygen into your lungs. it made you panic more, and while you knew stiles was talking to you, begging for your attention, you just couldn't seem to pull out of it.

"hey, everything's okay. j-just, uh just try to slow down your breathing, come on,"

everything was overwhelming again. you felt like you were in a trance — and it was absolute hell. you needed to snap out of it. you screamed in your head, begging, pleading with your brain to think rationally.

it's no use, you thought. i'm fucking stuck like this forever.

stiles didn't know what to do. he'd dealt with his own panic attacks before, but seeing you in one short-circuited his brain. he was panicking himself, the thought of you hurting this badly physically bringing him pain. he pulled you off his chest, trying to get you to look in his eyes. trying to pull you out of it.

"(y/n), please, i need you to listen to me,"

"please, just please look at me,"

"i need you to breathe, please, i need you to listen to me. you're right here with me, you're safe. whatever this is, i, i-it's okay, i promise, just, please,"

there was nothing you wanted more than to cooperate, but you weren't in control anymore. you sobbed harder, feeling defeated.

stiles' breathing was getting quicker too, feeling helpless. he just needed you to hear him, to come back to the present. he needed you to breathe, he really needed you to breathe, he just —

his lips hit yours with a force, silencing your mind in an instant. your eyes widened as you felt him against you, his hands pressing on either side of your face, holding you close to him. you saw his eyes squeezed shut tightly. you felt his choppy exhale against your face. you could smell his cologne. you could hear your stereo playing softly in the background. suddenly, you were here again — present.

your eyes fluttered closed and stiles let out a sigh into your mouth as he finally felt you relax against him. he held there for a moment, his soft lips on your chapped and swollen ones, lightly running his fingers through your hair as he felt your body begin to calm down. you let out a shaky exhale through your nose as you laid a hand against his chest, and he knew you had come back down to earth.

he pulled back slowly, his eyes opening to lock with yours. your lips remained slightly parted, shaky breaths coming out at a much slower pace than just moments before. you both just sat there, inches from one another, and your eyebrows furrowed as you took in what just happened. his eyes flickered down to your lips, causing him to lick his own subconsciously.

stiles spoke first. "i, um,"

"i read somewhere once, that, holding your breath can help stop a panic attack,"

he paused for a moment to clear his throat. "so, when I kissed you, you, uh, you held your breath."

"oh,"

"yeah,"

"i did?"

he nodded slowly with pursed lips, shaky breath escaping his mouth. "yeah,"

you nodded slowly, feeling your heart rate return to normal for what felt like the first time in days. you leaned back slightly, taking in his whole frame. you took a deep breath, butterflies beginning to replace the sickly feeling in your stomach. "thank you,"

"no problem,"

[mulloey]

finally i found someone who does nsfw reqs - or just haven't seen other writers, but whatever - some yangyang headcons with little shy n vulnerable reader would really ease my mind rn, thank u so much in advance !

a few ways of keeping you

warnings: dom/sub dynamics specified in the request. very deep and deliberate subspace, very slight little dynamics if you really really squint, but it’s more in the sense that you like to feel small and cared for and he babies you and calls you little/little girl etc., emotional elements of dom/sub relationships, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, body image issues, insecurity. nsfw: oral (f.receiving), bondage, dumbification, punishment, spanking, overstimulation. this is a fairly intense power exchange within a dom/sub dynamic. it won’t be for everyone and hate is blocked.

author’s note: i’m not entirely sure this is what you were wanting as it’s quite a vague request, but i did my best. i don’t like the short bullet point headcanon format so i fleshed it out a bit more while still exploring different elements of the relationship. requests open & feedback appreciated.

—

never in his life has he seen something so sweet.

it’s a cold, miserable day in december when you first encounter him; the whole city is covered in snow, sidewalks wet and icy beneath your feet and you almost stumble on your way to your favourite cafe. you just want a hot cocoa and a grilled cheese, and then you’ll go home and stay there until the weather eases up a bit. you really hate the cold. but this cafe doesn’t do home delivery and their food is the only one that manages to taste exactly like home.

you’re shivering when you push open the door, burying your head in your thick scarf and shuffling over to the counter. they’re familiar with your order by now, and once you’ve paid you trudge over to your favourite seat, against the wall in the corner, and start removing your wet, snow-covered outerwear.

you don’t realise you’re being watched until someone sits down beside you. you open your mouth to tell them to go away when you meet their eyes and your words are caught in your throat.

it’s a man around your age, maybe a few years older, handsome and smiling, and he’s looking at you like you’re something precious.

“hi,” he smiles. “i’m yangyang.”

it’s been over a year since that day, and almost a year since you started dating him. you’d shied away from it at first; you’d never really done that sort of thing and you had no intention of starting to. he persisted but never pressured you, just happy to be in your presence. only when you’d woken up from a nightmare one night and found yourself calling his name into the darkness did you realise that maybe he could be what you needed all along. and when he picked up your call on the second ring, showing up to your apartment ten minutes later and watching movies on the couch with you until you fell asleep, you knew for certain.

there’s a lot you love about yangyang; his smile, his laugh, the small gifts he brings you when he comes home from tour. even his yelling and loud laughter when he’s gaming with his friends, which ordinarily would frighten you, is somehow endearing.

but the best thing about yangyang is the way he cares for you.

it wasn’t something you ever discussed; he just fell into the role naturally. even on that first day you met, when he helped you peel off your wet coat and insisted on giving you his dry one, something about the way he spoke, acted, looked at you, made you feel cared for and looked after in a way you never really had before. he was patient and gentle with you from the very beginning and you quickly felt at ease, even confident, in his presence. and that is something he will never take for granted. even if it is a lot to bear sometimes, he couldn’t have it any other way.

0 - duty of care

since he met you he’s felt a sense responsibility for you that he’s never experienced before. he felt bound and compelled to protect you from everything and everyone what might cause you harm—even yourself and it became his life’s mission to see it through.

you hadn’t realised how much you needed what he was offering until you finally accepted it; until you finally but reluctantly put down your shields and barriers you’d built to keep yourself safe and let him in people, and completely. and you knew instantly and unquestionably that this, that he, was what would finally complete you.

his care for you manifests in different ways; holding your hand when you go, ordering for you in cafes and restaurants, keeping you next to him; a tether between the two of you that binds you together. then there’s the emotional side; when you panic and fret and he talks you down with a low, calm voice and a firm hand on your skin; when you’re wracked with insecurity and he spends the whole night showing you why you shouldn’t be; when he picks apart all the problems that to you seem insurmountable, until they’re small and digestible enough that they don’t really seem to be problems at all. he knows your brain far better than you; knows how to pick apart and mould it how he wishes but he would never think to take advantage of it. everything he does is for you.

his role with you differs depending on your needs that day; sometimes it’s nurturing, parental, others it’s punishing and authoritative. sometimes you just need a friend to listen and nod along as you try to pull apart all the pressure in your head.

and sometimes, of course, you need to be fucked.

1 - love and comfort

not even he can keep you happy and comfortable all the time, though. like everyone you have your own problems and struggles and you’ve never been very good at dealing with them or even admitting their existence. he takes them from you when he can, bearing as much of the burden as you’ll allow him to, but sometimes it’s not enough. sometimes you break. and sometimes, you can’t. not on your own.

the days when he comes home to find you in a heap on the floor, or feels the tension in your body and sees you beginning to cave under the pressure of it, are the ones most important. to be the one to pick you up or bring you to safety, to soothe and protect you from it all, is a privilege.

sometimes you want to be rocked; to be held and caressed and cooed at like a fragile creature who knows nothing except him. you want him to feed you by hand, to wash you while you lie limp against his chest in the bath, to tell you it’s all okay.

but sometimes it’s not enough. sometimes, when you’re on the verge of shattering but unable to let go completely, you need to be taken apart by hand. you need to be completely broken, and reset and rearranged as he decides. you need to surrender everything to him—whether you like it or not.

that’s how he finds you today. you’re curled up in bed when he trudges in after practice, head buried in the pillow, shaking and sobbing but not crying. no tears. when you finally notice his presence next to you he has no time to think before you’re launching yourself into his arms and wrapping yourself around him. “yangyang,” you gasp. “please. turn it off.”

he sees the gears turn in your head, knows what you mean; you need the thoughts to stop. you need the cracks to pull apart completely and come undone at the seams. and you need him to do it. now.

“what do you want me to do, hm?” his voice is soft but his grip on you is tightening protectively and painfully. “need me to break you?”

“yeah,” you breath. “just—anything, yang. anything.”

“yeah?” he croons. “want yangyang to decide? you don’t want to make any decisions, do you? s’too much for your little brain.”

he feels you tense in his arms, breath hitching and his lips curl into a knowing smile. he can recognise the signs with ease now; the silent indicators that you’re finally going under. it used to be difficult, it used to be a battle despite how much you both wanted it, but now it’s as simple as his hands on your skin and soft, crooning whispers of how small and dumb and helpless you are. how much you need him.

“that’s it,” he mumbles against your hair, feeling you start to relax, tension subsiding and you sink into it. “go dumb for me, baby, s’alright. i’ll never hurt you.”

a lie, technically, but you know what he means.

sometimes he gets you so far under that you barely remember what happened when you come back up; only the faint memory of his hands, his teeth and pleasure that came in waves. the loss of control of even your own recollections is thrilling.

of course, you like when you remember it, too. when he’s away at work or on tour and you get to fuck yourself to the memory of red-hot strikes against your skin; the snap of folded leather in his hands, the bite of hardwood floor against your bare shins, the burning humiliation of being talked down to while you squirm and whine under his touch. you’re lucky he allows you to touch yourself without him—all you have to do is send him the video and tell him exactly what you thought about.

no one cares for you like yangyang, and that includes the ways he breaks you. everything is strategic; every word, every movement designed to hit you just deeply enough to hurt in the moment but not deep enough to linger beyond it. there’s no point breaking you down if there’s nothing to build back up again when he’s finished.

dominance is a fine art, especially with you. even now, after all this time, he’s still learning the best ways to care for you, the best ways to maintain and exercise the control you’ve handed to him. but even he must admit, he wields his power with expert precision.

it doesn’t scare him when you cry anymore; he knows when it’s coming and how to coax it out of you; he knows the way you cry when you’re getting exactly what you needed and the way you cry when something is wrong. he knows what to do in the latter case but he always manages to keep it in the former; certainly he makes mistakes, pushes you too far on occasion, but he always stops it. from your body, your face, your voice, he knows when he’s gone too far long before you do.

his hands are always soft on you afterwards. always tender and careful once the destruction ends and the rebuilding begins. he holds you close to him, letting you cry or scream or whatever you need to do to work through the flood of emotions he’s finally forced out of you. he runs his hands across your red, swollen skin, treating the welts that are particularly painful and, rarely, deep enough to cut you. he feeds you by hand, bathes you by hand, keeps you tight against his chest as you fall asleep in his warmth.

he’d do anything for you. anything. unfortunately, sometimes it’s not so pleasant.

2 - a guiding hand

he set the rules early on in your relationship. you had suggested it with a shy, anxious tone and reddened cheeks. “i want you to… control me more,” you’d squeaked.

he’d been eager to agree, and the rules were simple by design. they had to be for your little brain to compute them.

be safe. be healthy, be good. be honest.

but even the simplest of rules can be difficult to adhere to. especially to someone like you. and that’s when he has to be firmer, to put his foot down and lay down the law in a way you’ll understand no matter how far you’ve slipped.

he’s always careful about it and he always times it right. it’s not always immediate; sometimes you’re just not in a space to fully comprehend the lesson he’s trying to teach. at that point, a few smacks to your ass, nothing procedural or clinical, is enough to settle you until you’re ready to be properly disciplined.

when you are ready, you know well by now what to do. all he needs to do is sit down on the bed or sofa or chair, pat his thigh and mutter “over, honey”, and you’re clamouring to obey no matter how much you don’t want to. honestly, you like it more when you don’t want to do it; it makes it more real. you’re not excited or aroused and neither is he. there’s no thrill or game to be found here. you must learn, and he must teach you.

you know he wants you, and you bend your body over one of his knees so your ass is in the air. he bares it without a word, tugging down your pants or shorts and inching down your panties to the middle of your thighs. the cold air on your ass always makes you shiver and he waits for you to relax before beginning.

he’ll tell you what he’s going to do. he’ll tell you why, and you’ll repeat it back to him in a small, scared voice. the first hit will come. he’ll tell you to count.

sometimes you only need ten to learn your lesson; other times it takes so long that you eventually stop counting and just feel the weight of his palm against you. sometimes your safeword dances on your tongue, but you never say it. you never need to.

he’s always extra tender with you afterwards, but his voice is still firm when he asks you if you’re going to repeat your mistake. he always softens, though, when you smile through tears and shake your head softly. “never, yangie.”

well. not for a while, at least.

3 - pleasure and worship

the first time you had sex with yangyang, you’d been clumsy and unsure of yourself. you were determined to be sexy for him, seeing all the girls he interacted with at work and wanting to be as good as them, but you felt ridiculous in the black lace, like you were too big for your skin, stupid and unsexual. you’d intended to surprise him when he got home from work, waiting prettily on the couch for him, but when you looked in the mirror and saw the way it clung to you in all the wrong ways, you couldn’t get it off quick enough.

i mean, you literally couldn’t. because the door opened just as you reached to unhook the bra, and your boyfriend was standing there with an open mouth.

“i—” you tried to think of an explanation or an excuse but nothing came. you’d just have to face up to it; confront the shame and embarrassment head on.

“baby,” he breathed. “you look incredible.”

only after the second time he made you cum with his mouth did you really believe it.

yangyang lives and breathes to pleasure you, cherishes every inch of your skin; even—especially—the parts you wish wouldn’t away. of course nothing is better than fucking you, than the feeling of your tight pussy clinging to his dick as he slams into you over and over. but pleasuring you with his mouth or toys or fingers until you’re near delirium is a very close second.

he knows just how to talk to you, just how to act to get and keep you where you want to be. the sex you have when you’re deep in your headspace and the sex you have outwith it aren’t quite the same, but the common factor is always there; he’s relentless, he’s hungry and he’s really, really good.

“you’re so little, aren’t you?” he coos, pumping his fingers in and out of you. his palm is sticky with cream and your pussy squelches and squeals with each movement. you’re barely conscious at this point, but you can take more. you will take more. “you’re so dumb, baby. can’t even think once you’re got a couple fingers in you, can you?”

“no,” you gasp. “c-can’t, yangyang.”

you’re writhing and thrashing but the soft, fur-lined leather restraints keep you where he wants you. still, sometimes he slaps your thigh or your pussy and barks at you to ‘stay still’, but it’s more for his amusement than anything else. truth is, you can move as much you want, but you’re done when he decides. you can’t go anywhere.

“i know,” he hums. “taking it so good. you’re gonna cum again for me, alright? just one more, baby, i know you can do it.”

“yeah.” you shudder, closing your eyes and trying to get lost in the pleasure, in the pressure that builds in your gut as he fucks you open. “can do it. i can do it.”

“you can,” he smiles. the pace quickens and he presses a soft kiss to your inner thigh. “go one, baby. make me proud. cum.”

your composure breaks in an instant and your body is writhing and seizing like you’re about to die. you go limp, collapsing with gasped breaths and he kisses your painful, swollen pussy.

“that’s my girl.”

his girl. his baby. and you always will be.

[kawhh]

Been cleaning all day so I've been off of my phone and it made me think of this torture for Jacky......he's away on a roadie, going to check on you with the cameras he installed and ......they're not working? He refreshes and still. Nothing. Again, refresh. Again, nothing. He quickly sends you a text, claiming he is just missing you. Nevermind he only left late last night. No response from you, not even an hour later. Another text from Jacky. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. You're not on your phone. Deciding that while he's on a roadie is the perfect time to do a nice deep clean of the apartment and haven't even glanced at your phone since you set it down to have a playlist going.

I'm down for anything that makes Jack go off the rails. I 100% see him as the type out of all of them. He just doesn't have the patience, the self control. I am a whore for the lashing out.

He's had the routine down for months. He has the camera feed open on his phone every single second he's alone on a roadie, even if it's just for a few seconds. He's addicted to seeing your face, knowing you're fine.

He's had to be selective about it - he's installed cameras in the bedroom, the bathroom and on your phone.

He can watch you sleep, he can make sure you're safe in the bathroom, he can watch you every single time you're on your phone. You might notice if they were everywhere else, it's too hard for him to hide them. Not enough little gaps.

Knows he can send you a text and you'll go and check, you'll pick up your phone and then he can see you.

Clockwork. For months. He feels calm, safe, feels better about the fact that he's having to leave you often.

It's why the panic hits so hard and fast when it fails. He doesn't understand why it's failing. He's rapidly switching between anger and worry.

Have you been attacked? Taken? Did you run away? Are you hurt in one of the blind spots? Have you found the cameras? Why the fuck are you not on any of the feeds? It's been hours.

He's been counting the minutes. His knuckles white from his grip on his phone. His phone case creaking from the pressure.

You haven't been in the bedroom for hours. It's wrong. He knows you nap often, especially when he isn't there. You haven't been in the bathroom. Why haven't you been in the bathroom? Are you not drinking enough water? Has something happened that makes you physically incapable of drinking water?

Not answering your phone is even scarier for him. You're usually on it a lot, checking social media, shopping, finding cute things to send him. It's the final red flag that makes him stress.

Can he be free from the roadie sooner? Can he claim there's a medical emergency? Can he pretend you're hurt? Maybe you are hurt. He can't play like this. The idea of being fully away from you almost sending him crashing straight into a panic attack.

Pure anger runs through him, snuffing out his worry when you reappear on the cameras after hours. He needs to punish you for making him worry as soon as he gets back. He can't forget this, can't forgive this until you earn it. He doesn't care if you have an excuse, you made him lose his mind.