#haven't had a genuine very close friend and it kinds of makes me depressed when i do try talking to people

[mirudai]

kind of crazy how hella excluded i am by all of the friend groups or smth i'm in and i'm thinking maybe because i like making fanarts too much or i'm just boring to talk with

[tossawary]

Everything surrounding Orihime's kidnapping in the Hueco Mundo arc of "Bleach" feels... weird and underwhelming to me. Like, I'm not fully certain what happened there. Did Ulquiorra hold those two random soul reaper escorts hostage until Orihime returned from saying her invisible goodbye, or was he just threatening her friends generally...?

The invisible goodbye thing has some interesting elements, but... I don't want to call Orihime a pushover for being threatened by genuinely scary people when she's feeling especially isolated, but it does seem to immediately and directly prove Urahara and others right when they said that Orihime is probably unsuited for the battlefield. Even medical / support people have to triage and improvise under fire and work within a greater structure! She (fairly!) does not like weighing lives!

(Though I do think that Urahara and others were very wrong to just tell Orihime to go away. She has no family! All she has left are her friends! And she's too self-sacrificing to ever willingly leave for her own sake! It would have been far better to keep her close and let her train for a medical / support position, so that she wouldn't get kidnapped like this (and would have had the confidence to work out some way to get around Aizen's weird mind games), when Ichigo is fucking notorious now for going apeshit if anything happens to even distant friends.)

When Ulquiorra first appeared in that space between worlds for an ambush, I was like, "OH SHIT, THAT'S COOL." This place is famously dangerous and if she and her escort disappear without a trace here, no one will know what happened. Perhaps Ulquiorra can destabilize whatever safety technology exists here and make it look like some mechanical failure. It's clever! (It also made me imagine Ulquiorra as some kind of deep sea leviathan, cleverly feeding on the plus souls and hollows passing over this trench, where the soul reapers don't think to look. Ulquiorra potentially first meeting Aizen by attempting to ambush him and swallow him whole in this inbetween place would be a great first encounter.)

And then Ulquiorra lets Orihime go to say a weird invisible goodbye? As part of Aizen's mind games to make the Gotei 13 think she left on her own and her feel like this kidnapping was partially her own choice? Unless Ulquiorra was holding those soul reapers hostage at this point in time, I'm really not sure why Orihime went along with this instead of trying to get help (besides her obvious feelings of isolation / depression + plot requires she be the damsel in distress to kick-start the Hueco Mundo arc). (There's REASONING, I'm just not fully persuaded by it.) It feels a little overcomplicated for me on Aizen's end, especially when I haven't yet seen it be paired with any other charisma or compelling persuasion from Aizen, this supposed master manipulator, when Orihime has plenty of buttons to press besides fear.

"Soul Society is broken and doesn't care for the poor people on the outside." "The Gotei 13 are corrupt and will ungratefully turn on people like Ichigo and Rukia as soon as they're no longer useful." "Hollows are people too, aren't they? And the soul reapers don't bother trying to help the people who need them most." "The Soul King is a threat to us all and I'm the only one who can stop him." There are so many lies and half-truths that Aizen could tell! This could be a point in time to showcase how he got so many people to follow him besides spiritual strength, and him being apparently nice to a vulnerable Orihime would be genuinely eerie given what we saw / know happened to Momo.

And this "making the Gotei 13 think that Orihime left of her own choice" story decision could work if Aizen had done more to frame her! But the fact that the Captain Commander immediately makes this assumption with so little evidence makes him look incompetent, when there are so many people who could immediately vouch for her and for the fact that it's way more likely she's been forced into something bad. Of course, maybe the story's point is to make the Captain Commander look bad at reading situations! Rather than simply ruthless for dismissing Orihime as lost and irrelevant. That gets a slight pass, I guess, but it's really such a wild and insulting and unnecessary assumption.

I think what I would have preferred to happen is OPTION 1) Aizen or underling kidnaps Tatsuki first and uses Tatsuki to get to Orihime.

This would bring Tatsuki fully into this arc instead of sidelining her again. It would be a nice culmination to the secrecy straining her friendships with both Ichigo and Orihime, and a nice bop to Ichigo's nose for trying to protect everyone on his own and his utter failure communicating danger to his friends and family. We could have a lot of fun stuff with Orihime and Tatsuki trying to survive together in this place. It would give Orihime some fucking motivation that isn't just "trying to help Ichigo". It would allow Orihime to find her strength by protecting the friend she has always viewed as being tougher and more confident. I need more women in this show who aren't made of relentless boob jokes.

OPTION 2) I would have preferred it if Aizen had found some way to locate Orihime's brother, Sora, and kidnapped him from Soul Society to use against her.

Aizen is supposedly a genius. It would track with the rest of the story if he could invent this technology. It would make the Gotei 13 look really bad if they have a way of helping families reconnect in the afterlife and just don't bother; and it would look really bad for them if Soul Society had utterly failed to be a safe place for Orihime's loved one. If Aizen is interested in Orihime's powers, he would probably be interested in seeing if her brother has any similar potential.

Option 2a is that Sora could be a regular plus soul and remembers Orihime. Aizen could have been experimenting on him and could be threatening to continue experimenting on Sora. Maybe being a regular plus soul in Hueco Mundo without the protection of a soul reaper's cultivation energy is dangerous. The air is toxic to him. He'll undergo hollowficafion again without special medicine from Aizen / Aizen's experiments keeping him as a normal plus soul, and he's terrified of becoming that monster again. Aizen coaxes Orihime to help him by claiming he's trying to find a way to cure hollowfication forever, so that Sora will be safe.

Option 2b is that Sora has no memories of Orihime or they've been suppressed, and Aizen has turned Sora into an Arrancar. Aizen claims that Sora was left vulnerable and starving on the outskirts of the Soul Society, abandoned to become a hollow again, or attacked by a hollow and transformed. Aizen has now used the Hogyoku to take Sora back to a mostly human state and given him Arrancar powers to "protect himself". Sora is grateful to Aizen for having saved him and as loyal as Ulquiorra. Aizen asks Orihime if she's prepared to fight her own brother. Doesn't she want to help him help Sora?

Honestly, I dig Ulquiorra so far and I'd like to keep him (he and Sora could have a weird not-twins thing going on), but you could totally replace his role in the story with Arrancar Sora and then put Orihime through the ringer torn between Ichigo and Sora. It feels so, SO weird to me that Orihime's dead brother never comes up again in this show about dead people and the story barely treats it as relevant.

OPTION 3) is that you bring both Tatsuki and Sora into it! Why not? Have amnesiac Arrancar Sora kidnap Tatsuki while Ulquiorra ambushes Orihime! Have Aizen threatening to turn both Tatsuki and plus soul Sora into hollows if Orihime doesn't cooperate!

I am feeling desperate for Orihime to have anything in her life again that is not her love for Ichigo. They don't have chemistry! The story is not taking the time to develop chemistry and bonding and partnership between them! Ichigo barely seems to remember she exists half the time.

Side note: I can barely fucking believe that Ichigo went off to train with the Visored without telling his family that he was leaving or where he would be. That's not a great sign for good mental health or healthy relationships! Which is probably (hopefully) the point! He could be dead in any alleyway for all his baby sisters know. That's not good big brother behavior! Ichigo has a real problem with not trusting anyone else to protect everyone (not without reason!), including not trusting his loved ones to protect themselves, and I'm not certain yet whether or not the story actually thinks this is a real problem and intends to have Ichigo fix his communication bullshit.

There is so much good, bloody material here if the story was genuinely willing to dig into the mess and make it hurt good. Instead, I'm watching Nel and her little hollow buddies do their fairly repetitive hijinks and Ichigo fight random nobodies who will not be meaningful to the story later. When Rukia finally ran into Aaroneiro pretending to be Kaien, I was like, "Oh, thank fuck, something with SOME emotional weight and compelling psychological turmoil again."

[needleworm]

i don't know josh please tell me about him. if u want

ough i would love to. this is going to end up so much fucking text because i don't know how to be concise so courtesy readmore also the linebreaks might make no sense but it's better than a massive chunk of text which is what it was initially before i realized that is Awful

ok so josh(ua majkavić) is my character for my friends and i's monster of the week campaign The Body and like his entire character concept is being if damien thorn or rosemary's baby or any other human-raised demonspawn grew up to become a guy who sucks. he grew up around the appalachian part of georgia but has been living in the general area of chicago with his ineffectual nerd roommates for most of his adulthood now

he's pretty majorly depressive/somewhat of a doomer, terminally insincere, and is generally predisposed to cruelty, but he's a pretty funny guy mostly intentionally. in all reality he cares quite hard and usually does not actually mean to be awful but it is literally his nature it makes him feel kind of bad sometimes but he also genuinely has to throw up if anyone cries around him. he also did beat a kid on an opposing roller hockey team to death when he was like 15 and made blood and dead fish rain on his town for about 12 hours don't worry about it.

he doesn't really leave his room if he can help it he has a really scary like prison gym setup in there and a carefully controlled climate both so he can keep as covered up as possible all the time and so his intricate crypto rig(/only source of income because he doesn't want to be a line cook again) doesn't catch on fire

has tyler durden-esque god-daddy issues despite having no father involved in his creation and is a COLOSSAL momma's boy to the point of getting about as close to being a misandrist as a cis bi man can get. speaking of which his mom (rosemary<3 aren't i clever) is a slightly hippieish cultist who had him as part of a ritual so he can bring about the radical change her group wants and bring about the end times but she also loves her baby (29 year old son) so so so so so so so much. he knows that most kids didn't have animal sacrifices at their birthday parties but he doesn't feel like having that conversation with anybody!

ok anyway ummmmmm let's see. he is the kind of guy that shaves his head in response to any occasion of major stress. starting as a young teenager one of his favorite hobbies was writing gruesome chainmail stories and he stopped in his early 20s but he thinks about going back to it sometimes. he was hooking up semi-regularly with their now-dead roommate and that is going to be a bigger deal than he ever expected it to be. his favorite movie is martyrs and his favorite game is cs:go which he is VASTLY toxic in. he's 5'10" and gets insecure about it sometimes. while he is quite good with computers he is still the least tech-inclined of his household and he recently clicked on a sketchy link his sister's hacked account sent him once and his roommates have lost all faith in his internet safety knowledge and he is suffering the consequences more in that way than he is in actual damage to his pc. he has a really bad tattoo somewhere but i haven't decided where or what yet a tribal tattoo is tempting but almost feels too obvious for a former linecook

he is very fun i think i do a bad job at describing him in a way that doesn't sound intolerable to play with i promise everyone loves josh. i still have not finished art of him at any point but the best i have to offer is this. jotch at 29 at the time of the campaign, around 15-16, and at his ninthish birthday with his mom:D

[ky-the-squiddy]

talking health stuff under the cut, nothing super negative, just p brainfogged and text helps

I am Once Again trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me with far too few resources and far too long waiting lists for me to be inclined to actually go to a doctor about any of it

like

been vvvaaaaagguely prodding at ME/CFS with a stick the past few months? because fucking hell, I've just been more fatigued than not lately, to the point that I, a terminal non-napper*, curled up on the couch and fell asleep for an hour a bit before lunch today

*i.e. I genuinely suck at napping, I can only really sleep at night no matter how much I've tried, the only way to make me take a nap is to get me a) medicated, and/or b) extremely sick (anD EVEN THEN-)

But on the other hand, I don't know if this is just an extension of *gestures at all my other health bs*, 'cos it very well could be. I know for a fact that fatigue is a migraine symptom for me, I know it goes hand in hand with depression, I know it pairs wonderfully with the whole my-body-is-in-constant-repair-mode-from-trying-to-cope-with-jello-joints thing that EDS brings, but just...

iunno

just in writing this I've gone from sitting up, to lying across the couch with my head propped on a pillow, to being completely flopped over and grateful for my ability to touch type because now my head's below the level of my laptop and my eyes are closed and dear gods is it hard to think to the end of a sentence

I'd be more willing to talk to a doctor about this stuff if either the NHS was in a better state than it is (found out the other month that there's like... a grand total of five GPs attending to something like a quarter of the whole city), or if I could afford to go private. But it isn't, and I can't, so I'm stuck with medical whack-a-mole with anything acute when it pops up

I've gotta go into the office tomorrow and be a human person and present shit to strangers and probably be on my feet for hours but even right now I'm too tired to care. I'm too tired to even be bored, really. It's bone-deep and it doesn't even feel heavy like the depression fatigue I'm used to feels, it's more like pushing through treacle, or a thousand filamet-fine threads of silk layered over me and oh so gently persuading me back to the ground

I dunno

dunno what the point of any of this was, but it feels better to have put some words to papter I guess

Ah well

(typos fixed after I could open my eyes again: only 4, fuck yeah, nice to know I can still touch type pretty well even when I'm contorted in the weirdest of fucking angles)

P.S. To any of my friends reading this that I haven't really talked to lately, I'm sorry I haven't had the spoons for any kind of socialising the past few weeks (and the same goes to the people who have left stuff in my inbox). I love you and I miss you all and I hope my brain gets unfried enough soon that I can spend time with you guys again <3

[polygonal-trees]

I don't much like putting this stuff here but I need to get it off my chest and I don't want to use my main

today, after thinking about it for a long time, I decided to put some much needed distance between myself and somebody who used to be a very close friend. I don't want to cut them off completely but idk if pur friendship will survive

and the truth is that i don't even feel that bad about it because it really needed to happen.

what used to be a normal, happy relationship turned extremely toxic. there had always been ups and downs, but nothing that couldn't be talked through and overcome. or so I thought. in retrospect I wonder if I was just giving in and apologising to avoid conflict

but anyway, my friend has a long history of mental illness, including suicidal ideation. this is incredibly stressful for friends and family in its own right and I've weathered many sleepless nights, but it was worth it because I could help someone really important to me. more recently however, I feel like my friend was lashing out at their friends far more often and treating us really terribly

I don't want to go into detail but some stuff was said over DMs that was really horrible, and while I know it's a product of their mental illness, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with

and the fact is that I am also mentally ill. not in the same way or to the same degree, but I certainly don't have the mental or emotional fortitude to cope with that degree of stress, repeatedly, from someone I'm supposed to be able to trust and confide in. I went from enjoying my friend's company to constantly worrying that I was about to say or do (or not say or not do) something that would cause them to either shut down and storm off, or start saying some really fucked up and hurtful things

I've also never received an apology. I get that mentally ill people are expected to apologise to a ridiculous degree, but after all the fucking grovelling I've done I'd at least appreciate a fucking "sorry i hurt you"

anyway. we just got back from a short trip - me, them, and a third close friend - and apart from some of your standard travel troubles everything went really well. we all had a great time. and yet.

and yet.

it still ended with my friend storming out of the hotel late at night to stay elsewhere, because they 'didn't want to be around us'. no other explanation until the morning

apparently there were multiple contributing factors, but one of them was that I... didn't say thank you enough.

and good god that's just bullshit

being annoyed at me? fine. thinking I'm ungrateful? fine. but fucking refusing to spend the night in the same building as me?? I'm not putting up with that!!

even if I genuinely didn't say thank you enough (something i disagree with lmao) I have the right to be mildly dickish without worrying that it's going to cause a mental breakdown. I am not - and I cannot stress this enough - I am not mentally healthy enough to cope with that.

and to top it all off, the reason I may have seemed ungrateful or w/e is probably because I am currently going through a depressive episode. something my friend knew about, because I told them.

so to have them turn around and blame me for shit caused by my mental illness when their mental illness causes them to actively hurt people all the fucking time, is just another step too far. again, it's not their fault, but I think their mental illness makes them so self centered that they genuinely don't know how hypocritical they are. and that's not something I can fix

this isn't even the worst thing that's happened, but I know that if this is the result of an overall really good experience, then I need to jump ship before the next genuine crisis because fucking hell

anyway it's been a few hours since I told them I'm going to take a step back and I haven't read their reply yet because I know it's going to be rough lmao

(god but my message was so fucking kind as well, all 'i want what's best for you' and 'I'll treasure the memories'. I don't think they'll ever appreciate how nice i was being despite how hurt and angry i am)

but at the same time, I already feel better, and it turns out that several of our mutual friends have done similar (tho idk if they sent messages) so at least I feel supported and understood. it's just going to be tough moving forward because they were a very significant part of my life for a very long time, tho i know this was definitely the right choice

anyway, back to the robot posting. til all are one or whatever lmao

[chrissyslittleartwork]

She hurried to the room he must be occupied. But luckily for her, just as she rounded a corner, she can see the said Egyptian teen walking down the hallway.

Catzi bit her bottom lip while observing him. He was holding the Millennium Rod in his hand and he could easily be dangerous to her. However, she had her Wand in case he did try something. Deep down in her gut, she believed he would never hurt her. Making up her mind, she hurried after him.

“Marik…” Catzi whispered once she was near and this almost made him jump.

Whenever it was out of fear or surprise, it was hard to tell. He looked down and saw it was only her. Relief swept over him though he also was confused,

“Catzi? What are you doing here?” Marik questioned, turning to face her.

“I came to look for you.” She replied, a deep frown on her face,

“Why? Shouldn’t you be with your friends?” He questioned, and started chuckling, “After all, if they find out you are talking to me, it could mean trouble.”

“I don’t care. Look, Marik…” Catzi sighed, taking a deep breath and looked back up with her pleading brown eyes which made him frown, “I came to you because I want you to stop what you’re doing.”

A pause and Marik glared at her, “You’re wasting your time on that.” He said, his tone slightly cold.

“I am not.” She retorted and he shook his head,

“You are. You have no idea what I went through. I have to get back at the Pharaoh for everything he has done to me and my family.” Marik swore, looking off to the side,

“But he’s my friend! I can’t let you do that, Marik!” Catzi began and she watched him laugh harshly,

“You can’t stop me, Catzi. Neither you nor my sister. We’ve been through this before.”

“I know we have but...I don’t want to stop believing. Those letters you sent me…” she began and Marik gave her a look,

“Why are you bringing those up?”

“Because you sent me those! They were honestly the only letters that...well actually made me flustered and I never had that happen to me.” Catzi confessed and this made him look at her in surprise,

“They did?”

“Yes! I can tell you were being genuine in them…” Catzi stepped forward and gently grabbed his hand that didn’t hold Rod.

Taken aback at her sudden touch, he turned and found himself looking back into her large eyes,

"Marik please...I know you're not evil. Don't do this..." She said once more.

For a moment, it seemed like he might consider it. After all, his feelings for Catzi were getting stronger, especially with her trying so hard to make him change his ways. However, the years of being stuck underground and the painful memories of when he received the tomb keepers initiation flashed through his mind once more.

No.

He had been planning this for years. His father was killed after all and he can’t just let that go in vain.

Closing his eyes, he turned away and painfully pulled his hand from her, "I have no choice..." He said, trying to hide the depressing tone in his voice,

"But you do! You can change your mind!" Catzi argued, since she saw the look in his eyes.

"No I don't. I must beat the Pharaoh and his Queen so I can obtain the power I need." Marik spat back seeing how stubborn she was.

Catzi glared as well, trying her best not to be angry with him. Deep down she couldn’t exactly blame him but she also didn’t know the whole story on why he wanted to kill Yami and take his power. She let out a sigh in an attempt to cool her anger.

"Besides...why haven't you told any of your friends who I really am? Especially how I erased one of your friends' minds to keep my identity a secret." Marik questioned with a glare,

"Because...I am hoping you will reconsider. I know you're not evil, Marik. Please...I'm begging you for one last time. Think about what you’re doing." Catzi pleaded once more, and this time tears began to form in her eyes and she gently put her hands on his arm, “Killing someone is not to be taken lightly. I may not know the whole story on why you went on a revenge path but...I really want you to stop this…”

Marik felt his heart ache seeing how she was on the brink of crying. He hated seeing her upset. It hurt even more knowing this girl, despite not even knowing him fully, was still trying to make him rethink his actions. He was very tempted to hug her and reassure her.

However, his anger was too strong. To forget or more like ease his aching heart, he turned away from her and painfully pulled his arm free from her hands,

“… I have to… To free my family…” He finally said softly.

There was a long pause. Catzi could tell that Marik was not going to stop. She had really hoped he would at least reconsider. But it seems like he won’t. Not even for her. And it hurt her deeply.

Finally, she spoke again, "I guess I can't stop you…” she looked up as he still kept his head turned away from her, “And if you’re worried about me telling my friends about you...I won’t. I believe you’re still good, Marik. I only hope it won't be too late..."

Catzi lowered her head before she turned around and rushed down the hallway. She quietly sobbed, her heart aching.

Marik finally looked and watched her disappear down the hallway. A part of him wanted to run after her, but he remained where he was. He slowly turned and lifted the Millenium Rod to his chest. He held it there in thought.

She doesn’t understand what I went through… I know what’s right for my tribe and family… Because I… I need to do this…

--

This little tidbit is a quick look into what is going to come. I know. It's been awhile since I drew something with Loneshipping. Believe me, I haven't stopped shipping them. Sometimes I tend to avert my attention to my other OTPs. :D But it's great to come back to these two. I really do love them so much. T-T The idea of Catzi trying to get Marik to not keep going on a revenge path would certainly make him conflicted. And it's to also show how kind hearted and true Catzi is. Despite her being such a hot head, she really is forgiving. I really don't have anything else to say other than I really did like how this pic came out. CX Ah I get feels from these two...

[shyrose57]

2: At first? No. Ran was the first one who noticed when something was off but Ranbob brushed it off as him being tired. Though when he saw that his brother was still acting that way he kept checking in, til "Ranbob" eventually snapped at him one day, scaring and hurting Ran enough to get him to stop. His parents and Lias and Memi also noticed, but Lias and Memi didn't ask as often because Ran told them not too, and when Memi asked Ranbob gently told her its ok and to not worry. Lias was hesitant to accept this but eventually did, with Ranbob promising to tell him if something was wrong, a promise he sadly broke. Ranbob was close to his family, especially his younger siblings, and loved to play and study with them. He had a lot of friends at first that he played games with and joked around with. Though after he started to get out under more pressure and the introduction of Dream he got distant, lost all of his friends (even though he still cared for them), didn't play with Lias or Memi nearly as much, started skipping dinners and not talking to his parents or Ran. And when Dream was mostly and fully in control, he stopped talking at all, and ignored everyone. Lias desperately tried to get him to talk but that just resulted in a harsh stare with a silent promise, Memi tried to hug him, which he then pushed her away, and when Ran tried one last time to talk to him, but "Ranbob" just punched him and walked away. When his parents tried one very last time to intervene, that's when it got fatal. The Gladiators where horrified at what they read, finding it hard to believe and making them sick to their stomach. Benjamin caught them reading it, though he simply sadly smiled at them and said, "I read it too. Its horrible isn't it? He didn't deserve to go through that. But we'll help him. We'll help him be free and be himself again, I promise you, and everyone else. We'll save him." They felt like they where staring at a ghost, it was unnerving, to see such a happy and young Ranbob, knowing what will happen to him that will wipe him clean of all happiness. And it felt disrespectful when they caught sights of Ranya, Seth, Lias, and Memi. Cause they never knew them, and now they where looking into the such happy and gleeful eyes of dead people who don't know the torture their son and brother is going through. (And that went for everyone)

3: This is literally Ran's mentally when it comes to being stabbed, "I've been stabbed multiple times before and I haven't died. Therefor, I am immortal." Yes he is :). He gets threatened with Benjamin because if Benjamin finds out he isn't eating or sleeping Benjamin will force him to eat every bite of a full meal and force him to go to bed, sitting next to him and reading to him until he falls asleep. Which sounds nice, but considering Ranbob doesnt want to "bother" them, its a threat to him. Raq will always cause problems, he's a expert tracker and because of that he's able to hunt the groups down. He often will pop out of nowhere and attack the group, chasing them down until someone turns around and attacks him. Often Ran attacks him by looking Raq directly in his eyes, causing him to flee. Cause even though Raq wants to get Ran, he knows very well if they make eye contact he will lose a battle no matter what he does, so its best to run and attempt to blind him at a later point. Ran his very happy to be on the road again, and if Ranbob wasn't there (who's keeping Ran on edge and preventing him from fully enjoying the trip, though its mostly just Ran doing it to himself), he would be non-stop talking and running ahead of the group. But even with Ranbob there he's happy to finally be moving again. 

4: The gladiators did not witness it first hand, rather they heard screaming and went to check it out, worried and alarmed. And when Ranbob went into the depressive state did Benjamin come over to them and explain what was going on and what was going to happen. When then Jackie offered to help keep Ranbob company while Grievous and Watson offered to go along with Cletus to find Ran. When they heard the scream Jackie was scared and nervous, Grievous was anxious and on edge, Watson was calm yet curious, and Ran was mad and on edge. And when they found out what happened, Jackie felt bad and sympathetic, Grievous felt sad and a bit guilty, Watson was sympathetic and felt bad for him, and Ran was pissed. 

5: Isaac and Benjamin just kinda accepted it and went "Yes he is like a lost puppy and we love him for that.", Charles was embarrassed and instead of responding properly he muttered out an excuse and left, cause he was not expecting to be confronted with Ranbob being like a puppy at all and didn't know how to respond, and Cletus just stuck his tounge out and blew raspberries. And Ranbob was just purely embarrassed. 

6: Actually first thing Ranbob got when he arrived to the fishermen house was wrapped up in multiple fluffy blankets and had a hot chocolate shoved in his hands. Also whenever he goes into a depressive episode or wants to go back the fishermen just bring out emergency blankets and quickly make either hot chocolate or tea and Ranbob loves it every single time. 

7: Ranbob is mixed, he loves it being back as it reminds him of such good times, but it also doesn't feel right when Charles says it because Ran was the one who made it. It only sounds right when Ran says it. Ran is angry that Ranbob is letting someone else call him Bobby (which he is also sad about), but is also mad that he's mad that someone else is using it. But he's also happy its being used again, and is happy to see Ranbob still enjoys it. Grievous of course notices it, but doesnt look into it, and so does Watson but he also doesn't ask about it, determing it to be something the brothers themselves have to talk about. 

8:Because if it was Porkius or literally anyone else, they wouldn't of helped and would've watched happily as the two fought, waiting until one fell and even encouraging the fight. But they also jumped into the area from the stands and Cletus specifically placed himself between the two, pushing Ran back and yelling at him (which rarely anyone does) when Benjamin then came up to try to calm the raging enderman down, while Charles checked on Ranbob, and Isaac kept look out for any sudden movements between the two so he could intercept the potential attack. Plus when Isaac saw the other group approaching he ran to meet them, asking if they knew Ran and when they said yes, quickly stating a plan to safely restrain Ran long enough until Ranbob was taken to safety. Then leaving Ran to the group, but also saying how he wanted to talk later. 

10: Sounds like the certain town just may be the ruins of the Greater SMP. So I'll probably have Wilburs Decendent (which I dont currently have a name for, if anyone has one please feel free to suggest one!) As a popular performer there and also the towns historian, so when our groups get there Wilbur is able to provide information about Dream, Ranboo, basically everyone and the history of the SMP. Most likely going be a part of the story when Ran truly starts to slowly believe that his brother didn't meant to do everything he did. 

11: Yep, he knows Ranboo used to have bad memory (not how bad it was, just that it was bad) but he's never read it because Mizu never had the actual book, it was only told in tales and stories that Mizu had. If that makes sense. Ranbob will get plenty more hugs I promise you, though that also means he gets hurt more. 

12: Kinda but also cause I enjoy writing angst. 

Ok ok here's some fluff: These all take place a good week or 2 (or longer) after Ran forgives his brother and the relationship gets better. Watson walks in on the two sharing a blanket and sleeping against eachother. With them leaning on eachother and leaving almost no space between them. Ran finally calls Ranbob Bobby again and Ranbob cries and hugs his brother tightly, Ran is shocked but quickly hugs back just as tightly. Ranbob gets to finally pull a big brother move and tease Ran about his "nerdy" habit of reading so many books, Ran tries to fire back that Ranbob literally picked a idol that requires you to be a bookworm but he simply shoots back that Technoblade also requires you to be a bookworm. Its been spotted multiple times of either Ran or Ranbob having their tail wrapped around his brothers wrist or leg, and the two aren't very far apart now. Jackie jokes about being replaced by Ranbob and being heartbroken, basically draping himself over Ran and whining while everyone else laughs at Rans distress. Ran and Ranbob eventually agree to merge their two hauntings, which is extremely rare and is the biggest sign of trust and love there is in enderman language. Ran reads to Ranbob one night after a bad relapse, which ends up soothing Ranbob much sooner than anything else. 

I also have a more mythical idea of fluff that probably wont be in the main story, but im willing to share it if you want. 

2: Only his family noticed? Dang, okay. I’m irrationally attached to his siblings now that they have names, and this only hurts me. Do the gladiators have any noticeable changes in behavior towards Ranbob and Ran after reading it? Also, who may Ranya and Seth be? I don’t believe I saw them mentioned earlier.

3: Technically, he’s right. He hasn’t died yet, anon, and he’s been stabbed multiple times, he could very well be immortal. I guess he should probably do his best to not get stabbed again though, I hear it’s kind of bad for you. 

Ranbob: *Not doing something he should do for his own health*

Benjamin: *Self Care But As A Threat(Gently)*

Ranbob:

Ranbob: *Does it*

Also, even though I acknowledge that Raq could be a genuine threat, all I can imagine are Team Rocket shenanigans. He keeps trying to blind him in various, complicated ways, and fails hilariously. One time he actually manages to do it only for Jackie to take him out or for him to turn around and accidentally look Ranbob straight in the eyes cause the poor hybrid was trying to knock him out without a fight.

4: Yikes, that must have been pretty scary, just hearing everything go down. If I may ask, what exactly happened with Ranbob? You said there was screaming?

5: Well, at least everyone’s come to terms with it. Ran uses people as tote bags, and Ranbob is the local puppy, and it is what it is.

6: Very good! He needs it! Also, do they just keep them on hand? Just-he looks a tiny bit sad and Benjamin pulls blanket and tea out of thin air and burritos him. 

7: Aww. But also, ouch. Oh well. At least we can get Ran eventually picking the nickname up again.

8: Oh? Interesting. Sounds like these guys are pretty quick on their feet. I can see why it’d impress the gladiators.

10: That? Sounds so cool? Oh, I really like that honestly, I can’t wait to see where you take that.

11: Neat. Is that where he got the idea for his diary, or? And why? Why must we suffer in order to take comfort from the kinder things in life? Why can’t Ranbob just have hugs without pain? 

12: Did you genuinely just admit to aiming for my feelings with that last one?! Anon, how could you! I’ve been injured! My heart, Anon! 

13: AWWWW. To all of this. So fluffy, and cute! Just what we needed, thank you! Also, more fluff, you say? Please share, we need all the fluff we can get.

Have a good week, Brothers Anon, and thank you for the lovely fluff, and equally lovely pain. I’m excited for more!

[ahsxual]

Reassurance

Pairing: Arthur Fleck x Reader

Summary: You and Arthur have been dating for a while now. Your relationship was wonderful and full of love, however something have been bothering Arthur.

Warnings: Angst, jealousy, insecure Arthur

Word Count: 1182

A/N: This is my first time writing a fanfic about Arthur Fleck, so I have to admit that I'm nervous about this. It's a little sad, but I hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Gif Credits: @forever-fleck

Since you two met each other at Pogo's, you instantly became very close friends, that eventually lead into something more intimate. You were so happy together: no one has treated you the way Arthur does. He was so gentle, so caring, so loving, yet so fragile, and that's what made you fall in love with him. His pure and genuine kind nature was something you never thought you'd find in anyone. Everyone, mainly in Gotham, seemed so rude, so hypocritical, so relentless... yet there was an unobtrusive angel among them all, who's name was Arthur Fleck. Not only did you have the privilege of meeting him, you also had the honor to be his one and only, his soulmate, the love of his life... his salvation.

However, like anybody else, he had his faults: the main one being his insecurity. That consumed him like a plague that was stuck into his being and wouldn't come out, despite every possible treatment he tried. Of course you eased his insecurities, you were his miracle cure, nevertheless it would always remain, unfortunately. That's when it happened: your social life wasn't afflicted after you met Arthur and that was fine with him. However, you started going out more throughout the last couple of days and that gave him a million depressive thoughts and possible scenarios. The problem was, you didn't know about this. You didn't know that your lovely Arthur was feeling abandoned and lonely, because you made sure that you loved him everyday and that he was the reason of your happiness, but that didn't seem enough to reassure him.

The last two weeks, you started to go out with your new friends from your recent work: they were funny, had the same ethics as you and that made you feel proud of yourself. Nevertheless, on this particular day, you came home 2 hours later according to your work schedule:

"Hi baby, I'm home! I'm sorry for taking so long." you happily said, while removing your shoes and jacket. After not getting any response, your happiness degraded into pure worry.

"Honey?" you tried once again, but this time you heard something. It was coming from the other side of the bathroom's closed door, but it wasn't the sound you wanted.

"Arthur??" when you opened it, you saw your lover sitting on the rigid and cold floor, balancing with his knees and head close to his thinny chest while sobbing uncontrollably. "Are you okay? What happened??" your tone was desperate and worrisome, however that didn't seem to have an effect on Arthur since he remained silent.

"Arthur, please, look at me." you tried once again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" this time, he decided to look at you: his eyes were wet and contained an absurd amount of sadness in them that you haven't seen since you said yes to his proposal for you to be his girlfriend. This sight of him hurt you. Oh... how it hurt.

"What?? What are you talking about, honey? Didn't tell you what?" you were so confused by his words. Your heart squeezed and beat at the speed of light itself.

"That... t-that you d-don't love me anymore." and that was it. Now it was your turn to feel your eyes burn and your mouth dried. Seconds ago, you felt your heart beating so intensely, now it seemed like it suddenly stopped. You stared at him, speechless, like your brain couldn't process the words that came out of his thin, yet soft lips.

"H-how... How can you..." your voice was so tremulous and broken that you thought you could never be able to speak correctly ever again.

"Don't lie to me! I can see that you don't care about me anymore! You're always late, going out with I don't even know who... it seems like...l-like you forgot completely about me..." you could tell he was angry at you by your lack of availability and that lead him into thinking that maybe you weren't just with your friends.

It wasn't enough for you to say you were disappointed and hurt. Not with him, but with yourself.

You perfectly had the knowledge that Arthur was a complex man, who is haunted by insecurity and fear of being hurt over and over again, yet you failed your major mission: to make the love of your life feel safe.

"Did you find someone better?? Someone who has the possibility to give you what you deserve, what you wish for... Someone that-"

"Arthur, stop! Hey, look at me and listen to me carefully" you firmly grabbed his face, not letting him turn his gaze away from you even if he wanted to.

"There is no one else. There is no other man or girl, or whoever that will take me away from you, do you hear me? There aren't enough words to express how much I love you, how much I want you and how good and safe you make me feel... and I promise you if that was possible, you would never feel doubtful about my feelings for you ever again. Baby, I know I failed to notice and ask how you felt and I'm so, so sorry for that. I... I was just glad to finally find someone that I could go along with on work. You know how people treat us... so meeting someone that doesn't make you feel like shit it's something I truly value. But... I-I didn't mean to make you feel so hurt... That was never my intention and never will be. Ever. I actually wanted to ask you if-if you wanted to meet them too. They would love you!" by this, he seemed to relax more and even gave you a little, but genuine smile in return.

"Now that's what I like to see." you tried to cheer him up while picking playfully on one of his smooth cheeks. He released a short laugh, something that made your heart squeeze again, but this time by love and relief. "Can you... c-can you forgive me?" you implored.

"You know I can't be mad at you..." he grabbed a piece of your hair that was in front of your face and gently pulled it behind your ear. "Of course you're forgiven, my love. I'm sorry for being like this..."

"Honey, this was not your fault, ok? I'm the one who should be sorry for letting this happen to you... I promise you from now on, I'll be more careful and spend more time with you. Never apologize for being who you are... for being the man who I fell in love so dearly with." this made him smile even more, a gesture that you desperately needed to see.

"Can-can we cuddle now, p-please?" your shy Arthur was now back, so of course you wouldn't deny him anything.

"Of course, my lovely angel. Anything for you." you answered, before giving him a firm kiss on his dried lips.

Both of you needed a deserved long and tight cuddle session with each other: your therapy, your cure.

And that's what you did, like you always do. Like you always will do. For the rest of your lives.

[dukeofriven]

I feel you on criticisms on John. Dude certainly has his flaws and his relationship with other people, particularly Roxy, have clearly been unhealthy. But the guy have apparently been depressed for years, and he haven't actually ever had much experience with real life on person relationships. He got issues he needs to work on, but he is not a bad person.

It’s the rampant hypocrisy that’s eating at me. “Let they who are without sin cast the first stone” y’know? Roxy and John are the only survivors of Game Over - even given the trauma that everyone went through those two went through more. Even Rose, with her vague sense of her alt-self in a doomed timeline, experienced what it was like to fail on such a profound scale: and to know that your failure is the one which the alpha timeline was aiming for all along. Your utter failure was not only pre-ordained, it was requirement for existence to go as planned.Both Roxy and John experienced this, but Roxy got to move to a universe where her friends were still alive, and their formative experiences were identical: Roxy lived through, what, 24 hours that Dirk and Jake and John’s Hot Mom didn’t? Less? Dirk is still hurtling through space when John and Roxy arrive in Post-Retcon world, just as he was before Game Over broke bad. Roxy has to live with the horror of seeing her friends die - but her ‘replacement’ friends are functionally indistinguishable from the old ones. Which I’m not saying to be callous, but to contrast her with John. John moves to a universe where his sister shares almost none of his memories of years spent together on a golden ship, growing up together, bonding as closer friends, as siblings.We don’t talk about that enough, I think. Jade gets shafted in several ways in the final hours of Homestuck: she gets no chance to speak to John and say “you were dead” - to come to some kind of understanding, some beginning of healing. What must that be like, to meet someone - your own brother - who mostly knows a you you never were? John has all these memories of Jade and Jade has only a fraction of the memories of John.And for John there are those issues that he would have encountered anyway in the OG timeline had things gone well. His other close friends (heck, I’d argue he was closer to Dave and Rose pre-Sburb than he was to Jade; he calls Dave, at least, his best friend) had all spent years forming closer bonds with one-another and new people. In the OG timeline, had Game Over not happened and they’d won, John would still have had to bridge that gap of space and time: but he would have had his sister there for support, and companionship, and close bonds. The Jade he instead ends-up with is practically a stranger who spent three years mourning him (AND HER BOYFRIEND BIRDFRIEND WHO IS PART BOY (thanks @technicallynotanon for the reminder that retcon Jade didn’t date)) alone save for a bunch of none-too-bright animals and her ghost clown grandmother.It’s tragic - and to make it so much worse things seem to have been easy for everyone other than John. They all fell in to new things. Relationships, mostly: Dave and Karkat made room for Jade, Rose got married. Relationships tend to tax friendships: the singular I struggles to compete with the plural we. Only Terezi - with her endless capacity to understand the paths of mind - might have understood him: but she left, taking the blackrom crush with her as she did so.John was isolated. John was more isolated, more alone than any other person: even Callie, who had an intermission of eternity being dead, returned to a world full of friends who remembered her well, and she snagged a don’t-yet-have-the-label-for-it-partner in the process. She too had someone to turn to, and that someone was the only other person John shared his trauma with.Sometimes its hard to talk to people. Sometimes it is harder still when the shadow of a life-partner looms over everything.So John didn’t talk to Roxy. Why does that shock us? Why are we the least surprised? Why are we acting like his actions are so unconscionable? For all that they were so darn cute together that cuteness comprised a relation of several hours over which one of the top two greatest traumas of John Egbert’s life occurred.The other was the death of his father, who was murdered, and whose brutalized corpse John had to witness. A murder - as far as we know - that never had any closure. A murder - as he may have come to realize with some reflection - that occurred largely through the manipulations of the same troll girl his only other crush fucked-off to go find and be with.We keep minimizing John’s trauma. We keep not putting it into perspective. We do him such a disservice.We say, instead, that his not talking to Roxy - that brief surge of anger and shame that threatened to break through his crushing anhedonia, his envy of one person who found another when he did not - we say it is some appalling moral failure. I’m a depression sufferer with a life of regrets and an embarrassing number of long years full of singledom and opportunities that were missed accidentally, but just as often avoided on purpose because self-sabotage is a way of life for people like me.Self harm can be as simple a matter as seeing something you want and letting it slip away, watch it slip away, watch yourself watch it slip away knowing you could do something and then… just… not. And afterwards struggling to explain your actions to other people, and even to yourself: if only I’d… if I had just…why didn’t…?You let it happen because, deep-down, you know you don’t deserve it. The paths not taken, the paths heavy with bitterness, shame, self castigation - paths such as these I have in spades, and hearts, and clubs, and even diamonds.But I, of course, could NEVER see myself acting like John does, and I am sure that no one on Tumblr calling John a creeper has ever done something like it either. I am sure their reaction is born of pure and moral rectitude, and not fear and revulsion at seeing themselves reflected so completely in so unflattering a manner.Surely not they. Surely not I.John Egbert doesn’t need a reason to be depressed. Nobody does. But his depression is not solely an accident of brain chemistry: it is rooted in his sense of self, and his sense of self is a failure. He couldn’t save his dad. he couldn’t save his friends. He couldn’t win Sburb and he couldn’t build the universe he was allegedly destined to build. All of that happened only because Terezi knew how to use him: left to his own devices, nothing would ever have gone right. John couldn’t save anyone.Or so it must seem in the haunting privacy of his thoughts.John has lived with that failure circling around and around in his head since… oh, I’d say about thirty minutes after everything settled down on Earth-C, about an hour after the party ended and his friends went to their new homes and their new lives and he was alone for the first time with the things he had done and the things he failed to do. It probably started the moment he first noticed the silence of his house, the house that was essentially an exact replica of the house he had lived in on the very day his father was murdered and his litany of failures began. It probably began when he sat on the couch in that big empty house and stared at the door that his father was never, ever going to walk through and listened to deafening roar of being the only person there.That was when it started: with a hollow emptiness in the stomach. With a skull that every-so-slightly seemed to be pressing in on his brain, a feeling he’d never felt before. The sudden, sharp, jarring flashes of memory: his father’s body ripped eight ways to Sunday, Rose breathing her last in the dust of LOPAN, that awesome expanse of Skaia local alight with burning worlds and desecration. It began when the Heir of Breath found himself short of his own element for no reason at all, save that he simply found it hard to breathe, hard to make his body continue to breathe.He didn’t say anything at first.He made excuses.He didn’t want to bother people - told himself he was actually enjoying the alone time, enjoying having nothing to do after what felt like a lifetime of doing: although, really, the events of his life comprised little more than two sets of 24 hours spaced three years apart. And that bothered him too - “all things considered it’s not like you went off to war, John, and spent years away” he told himself. Retirement after two days of solid work? Most would kill for that. These and other good reasons not to say anything came and went: there was always a good reason not to say anything, and even those times when some semblance of human feeling  burned hot enough to produce genuine emotion he quickly suppressed it. It’s amazing how quickly depression is something you normalize, how quickly you find reason not to disturb it, to upset the status quo.By the time he realized even dimly that he should have said something to someone, anyone - about Roxy, or about that hollow feeling that now comprised his insides, about how nothing caused him joy or distress, that he could feel his youth rushing away from him in a torrent of time that he could do nothing to stop - it was too late. Perhaps it was always too late. This too, perhaps, was something that always had to happen.Perhaps.There is a moment at the end of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead where Guildenstern, standing on the gallows, faced with his impending doom and the absurdity of his existence muses “There must have been a moment, at the beginning, where we could have said ‘no.’ But somehow we missed it.”Then he dies.That line echos with me. I suspect it echos with many people like me. That’s the worst part of depression: the sense that no matter how much your condition explains your past you are never free of the feeling that there was a moment you could have done something about it all - but you missed it. The moment was lost, and everything since has been one long, unending chain of payment for that mistake.John Egbert doesn’t need our pity, and nor do I mean to say that he is free of criticism. Our depression contextualizes our actions, but it does not excuse our frailties. John Egbert, however, deserves better than the disapprobation of sinners throwing stones.

[apricotpicotty]

18-02-2022

i have many different unique kind of emotions. i had long realized that but every time the "not so appreciated" emotions come rushing in me..it's just too much to handle. ik i really should get myself a life. i feel like everyone's getting whatever they want and i'm just helping them subconsciously and not looking out for myself. i get that helping is great but not when you don't help yourself. let's start from the morning. went to school normal math happened instead of phy and we weren't taken to the field for games. payal scolded us a lottt cuz she found kids who cheated in test together (n pairs or grps maily 12b and d)(dw i wasn't caught or anyhthing) while leaving she asked me how much i expected out of 25 i said 4. yea lol bye. cs..almost everyone seemed to know stuff while i didn't..sorry. i'm sorry math again she dictated practicals and dakshita was the only one to confess. chem double period(eng was taken by her :() again everyone was answering and stuff...but i didn't even understan what everyone was talking about. later me, aanvi, sharanya dhruvi and dakshita got together laughed giggled and discussed some eng project while going downstairs. it felt normal. it felt exactly what i was used to. at home i was on twitter at around 5pm? aanvi texted saying she wanted to meet honish and also wanted me there. okay it's nice to have some people dependednt on you from time to time cu then you feel important. but when people contact you only when they need you. it's like they use you and the worst part is that u don't wnt to lose them cu of various reasons like you've been with them for long, you genuinely care for them etc etc. so met with lakshaya told him to take us to honish and aanvi also happened to bring her bro lmao. anyways these two taked for a good 15-30mins and i finnaly had a good talk with lakshaya after 2yrs. it's nice to have a friend. he really told me so much stuff about honish and himself lmao. good for me. or maybe them whtever. yea ik i ignore stuff which hurt me or find a way to get over it asap. idk wht i'm saying i need to study but feel really depressed rn. back to aanvi and honish. after talking about useless stuff i was getting bored so i and aanvi suggested to leave us at the nearest spot to my house. we walked, well aanvi honish and his bro were walking behind us and lakshaya and i were walking infront of them leading the way. it was surprising how i can keep tlking to people. well few people i'm close to. lol maybe i should make a list of people i'm close to. ig i would do that. so anyways after reaching that park with bridge we bid out goodbyes and told them to never come back and pleaded lakshaya to never bring honish or tell him my address cuz if he does i'll physically be dead. i would be axe-murdered by my parents. anyways it was fun whatever it was. dropped aanvi and her bro at the main gate and came back home by 7:15(very late ik) tht;s it. so in the end aanvi got back with her ex and now i feel like there's something wrong with me for not dating anyone. I haven't had my first kiss yet, rejected by every guy that i liked, i feel like I'm wasting my time for being single even though I'm still a teenager. What the fuck is a boyfriend? I'ma need advice Maybe I should go outside So I could get a fucking life after getting washed up eating bread and talking with mum and bro and laughing. i came back in my cave(room) and started writing this cuz for some odd reason i felt like i'm drifintg apart from everything. now that i think about it after writing all my thoughts and crying to few songs..ig not having a boyfriend doesn't really sucks.

sorry i got my mind distracted. i'll love myself more so that you can love yourself too.

bye:) hi again, i told my mom MANY times how badly my arm, shoulder hurts but in turn she kept mentioning how her leg and hand hurts. um excuse me?? isn't it's a parent's job to take care of their kid and not tell them about their problems??? isn't it a parent code or something idk but i just came after having a breakdown in my bathroom. nothing new ik

everyday i wake up and wish to go back in past and ruin destroy end my mom and dad's wedding! i would too disappear. it would be so peaceful no?

[aruuq]

aruu i have something to share

when i first saw haitani brothers small past flasback during the tenjiku arc, the first thing that came to my mind was:

"damn they look like runaways"

i'm not very sure why but I'm guessing its because of their outfit?? ( they kinda looked like pajamas to me so- )

the sudden memory came back to me so i wanna talk about it with u lol, im just curious about their backstories

speaking of backstories, i wonder what sanzu's backstory was ( before toman ), honestly im just super curious to why he's so loyal to mikey and doesn't wanna be apart of the akashi family

-random anon

TOKREV MANGA SPOILERS

I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THIS. I mean, yes, when I was reading it I was like "wow, why do they look like they are in pajamas? shouldn't they be... dunno... scary kids that dress in a proper way for a fight? well, maybe it's just their style" but now when you mention it!! i've seen a headcanon that they have had a bad family life and they just reflected it on people, and after you mentioned the runaway thing it makes even more sense. Uhhhhh, why doesn't Wakui show us their backstories? It would be much better instead of the bucket of pain he's throwing at us

Also, if it comes to Sanzu, I've been thinking about it when I first read Tokrev. I think he has decided to leave his siblings after Takeomi started having these strong problems, ya know, his depressive episode. Maybe he run away? Dunno. But because Shinichiro and Takeomi has been close friends I'm sure little Manjiro and Haruchiyo has had to know each other. And Mikey was always a person to "hey you're my property so now your problems are also mine," and after seeing how his (Sanzu 'n Takeomi) older brother isn't this type of role model, Sanzu decided to leave him? To stop supporting him? Because the fact that he said to Mucho that "he's an only sibling" doesn't sound like just a lie to me so he can gain his trust to kill him, ya know? It feels like something deeper.

I genuinely think that Sanzu was adopted by Mikey, and it kind of impressed little Haru's soul after looking at the ruin of his brother

[sapphic-vixgo-blog]

5:45 am // July 5 2019

Freshman marriage part 2/??

(p.s I interchange from fiance and boyfriend a lot because it feels weird calling this dude my friends fiance 😂)

So school ends and I don't hear from her from her for like a month, since last thing I remembered she didn't have a phone to text and could only email from an computer she has at home. I didn't know she went to California for a month or two so I send her an email to email me whenever and she emails me back saying she has a phone and I give her my phone number so we can text instead. One of the first convos we have is...concerning.

A bit of context: in 8th grade my same friend dated a boy for about 7 months. He was a huge pothead, had some issues but overall was a very nice dude that was nice to be around. I can't remember all of the details of the downhill but it was r o u g h

Order of events (I'm pretty sure??)

Both of them are happy to me, doesn't seem to have any problems that seemed evident for a break up

Her boyfriend went to a mental hospital for a little bit (he did have problems with things like depression and have tried to do irreversible actions that put him there)

The guy comes back definitely different in terms of feelings

He starts to ignore my friend, be very rude to her and broke up with her shortly after he got back

She is very upset, doesn't know what she did wrong and tries to talk with him

It doesn't work, both of them ended on extremely bad terms with really no terms of why it happened, and they both hated each other

How this relates to our convos is that she asks me if I feel like her relationship with her fiance will turn out just like how that last relationship happened. I could see how she would think that, since California is very far from where we are, she says she's afraid she will come back and he won't love her anymore. Obviously I supported her unconditionally, saying nothing will change and he will love her just the same (which I do feel is true), but I couldn't keep the same thought out of my mind.

Why would she propose if she still had doubts/insecurities about her relationship in the first place?

If she felt the relationship would change just because there is a bit of distance between them for the first time, how could she even think that she could be prepared for something like college if they go to different ones of someone moving away, where it is essential to do long distance? Obviously she didn't think and rushed to do this. She didn't think it through, and asked no one else's opinion on if it was too soon to do someone huge as that, which I feel was a grave mistake in her.

Moving on, she told me her boyfriend was being kinda weird, and I asked her what we was doing.

Her boyfriend brought up the topic on cheating and how he "understood why people cheat now" as if it was some kind of revelation to him all the sudden. She was confused and asked him to explain what he meant. He said that since the same feeling isn't there from the beginning, the "puppy love stage" to some people, people cheat because that's gone.

...

Obviously he was being super fucking shady, me and her saw that he was hiding something, and worse case scenario he had another relationship with someone else while she was gone. We both saw the possibility but she genuinely believed he would never even think about doing that to her and we didn't talking about it any longer.

A bit after, maybe a day of two, she calls me again and talks to me.

She told me she was calling him before and he suddenly told her that he needed to come clean and told her that he was thinking about dating someone else while she was in California.

Immediately I felt bad. She said she felt like she shut down and didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say to a boy thinking about cheating on her when they were engaged. To me I felt she deserved better than him, but she said she forgave him and didn't talk about it again. Now I don't feel like he cheated actually. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy, and he could've easily gotten away with it if he didn't mention cheating at all in their convos. The fact that he made it a point to tell her and apologize makes me feel conflicted, but I know he's not a bad guy. I just don't like that she forgave him so quick or if genuinely at all. I know I wouldn't have let it go as easily as she seems to make it, but me and her are different in those aspects I guess. I don't know, it's weird. I didn't know what to say either. I just said to not think about it for too long, but keep a close eye on him, see if he's acting weird or something. She said okay and left.

We haven't talked much after.

I hope she's doing okay.

-L.j