#haven't drawn hair since before i started posting here i think

[belorussiandino]

testing style a bit maybe i keep it like this

[504py]

Do you have any thoughts on yandere SDV Harvey?🤔

i sure do!!!! i think i got a little carried away 😭😭😭 i hope i delivered!

Yandere Harvey Relationship Headcanons

Gender neutral, no use of Y/N, munchausen syndrome by proxy, implied murder, implied NSFW, Harvey's a little weird about bodily fluids and food, long post ahead!

┊͙✧˖*°࿐

How the relationship started...

Let's say, he knows you outside of his work, and somehow, you're the one person in Stardew Valley who has never entered his clinic before. Honestly, you'd have drawn his attention right then and there because of your strange imperviousness to harm or disease.

Like... You? That farmer who goes down into the mines every other day to fight monsters has never been injured? You, who works day and night to the point of exhaustion has never gotten sick and required medical assistance?

The fact that you weren't one of his patients would worry him to his bones.

Even if you weren't one of his patients, he'd have befriended you outside of work. Perhaps at the saloon, after hours, and one of the very rare times he's seen you relax.

He notices the slight limp as you enter, different from your usual gait. When he asks, you chalk it up to a rock in your boot. Harvey sends you a disapproving stare and a furrowed mustache, and you loosen up.

You tell him you tripped while running away from a slime in the mines. And that you maybe pulled something while running. And maybe you lifted something wrong yesterday and hurt your back. And-

Harvey takes off his glasses to rub at the space between his eyebrows, stressed.

"And not once did you think to come visit me?"

"Thought it would go away if I just slept and drank enough water."

His gaze softens.

"..I really do advise it. Please."

Your fingers play with your glass. He can see a bruise forming on the side of your wrist, and the cuts and calluses on your skin.

"...I'll do it tomorrow."

He sighs slightly.

"Well, since I can't do anything for you right now, I'll at least buy you a drink."

"You can do that?"

"Hey, it numbs the pain. Painkiller." He jokes, and you laugh and shake your head. He realizes he likes the sound of your laugh.

"But- wait, don't take that as real medical advice. Really. Please."

That pulls another laugh out of you, louder, and pink warms his cheeks as he laughs heartily alongside you.

The next evening, Harvey waited all day for you to come in. It was nearing closing hours, and he was worried you had disregarded his advice, but right as he got up to start closing the clinic, the door opens, and there you are, leaves in your hair and your muddy shoes leaving a track on his tiles.

He's elated, he knows he shouldn't be, considering why you're even here, but he's so glad you listened to him, so glad you're here. He looks noticeably flustered, his hair is slightly out of place, his glasses are sliding down his nose, and his tie is loose.

"O-Oh, hey there. You finally came in."

"Were you waiting for me? I apologize. It looked like you were about to close up."

He waves your worries away with a dismissive hand, "Ah, what's one more patient? Come on, you look like you really need my help, anyways."

You follow him into a room, cringing at the muddy mess you leave on the floor.

"Sorry for that- I can clean up after we're done."

Harvey insistently shakes his head, sighing your name, "No, no, can't have you doing that, not in the condition you're in." He motions over to the bed, you sit on the edge of it.

"Besides, I haven't even started my assessment of you yet, but I already know you're gonna need a few days of rest at least. Doctor's orders."

He smiles softly at your annoyed expression, donning his stethoscope as you straighten your posture slightly, readying for him to place the other end of the apparatus on you.

"...See, you've got an abnormal heart rate for someone who is at rest."

He notes the warmth of your skin under his palm, resting against your back.

"Have you been feeling ill recently? Runny nose, coughing, headaches, anything of the sort?"

"U-Uh, no." You shake your head, playing with the fabric of your trousers. Nervous.

"...You seem rather flustered. Any reason?"

Your eyes glance up at his, he cocks his head, and you immediately look back down to your feet.

"...Nah."

Harvey smiles, knowingly, and the rest of the appointment continues as normal.

Expectations...

Following this, he'd be more obvious in his attempts to court you. His courting attempts would feel rather old-fashioned, but I think there's a lot of heart in them. I feel like Harvey would be a little bit of a sucker for romantic things, so you'd definitely be receiving letters, all from a secret admirer, of course.

He is confident that he likes you, but he'd carry a lot of anxiety about being so upfront about it, and that perhaps you wouldn't feel the same way.

The letters he sends you would be brief yet sweet. Short messages to pick you up for the day, just wanting to be a part of your life.

"If you ever feel like all the work you do isn't appreciated, know that I am always here, and I always do. You are doing great."

You'd tell him about the letters you've been receiving, during one of your evenings together at the bar. It'd make him blush. Oh, his letters were so important to you that you had to gush about them to a friend?

"And... What do you think of them? The letters?" His eyes are slightly wider than they should be, but the reflections on his glasses hide his faintly, much-too focused expression.

You shy from his eye contact, "...I think they're really sweet. But honestly, I wish they'd just... say it to me directly instead of hiding like this. I want to communicate, talk to them, y'know? Have a conversation, and stuff.."

Harvey blinks, wets his lips.

"What do you think you'd do if he-" He clears his throat, "-they did?"

You frown a little, mulling over the thought for a bit.

"...I'd go on a few dates with them, see if things work out."

His exhale is shaky, he takes a sip of his whiskey.

"Who do you think it is?"

You meet his gaze. His eyes are warm, his cheeks are red too, but that might be the alcohol... Though you realize he's not the type to get flushed when drunk.

"...Is it you?"

His fingers around his glass tremble, and his bottom lip quivers.

"I.. w-well..." He pushes his glasses up, nervously running a hand through his hair. You giggle, and he relaxes.

"Yeah." He smiles warmly.

"Yeah?" You chirp out a laugh again, "I figured."

Although Harvey was usually one who didn't have any problem holding eye-contact at all, now he found himself unable to look at you for too long without getting giddy like a schoolgirl and having to look away to save his racing heart.

That night, you two would be declared a couple. He teased you, wondering where that "first few dates then we'll see how it works out" phase went. You said it was different if it was him, and he had to hide his face in his hands to conceal his boyish, cheesy grin.

His first show of affection would be the next morning, when he brought you a bouquet of flowers to your doorstep, but upon arrival, seeing your expansive field of vegetation, he realized it was perhaps a bit stupid to gift flowers to someone who grows them.

Nonetheless, you accepted them from an embarrassed Harvey gratefully, saying you've wanted to try growing these for a while. Lo and behold, the next time he shows up, with a more thought-out gift this time, he sees a few new flower pots on your front porch.

Harvey as your boyfriend is strangely rather maternal. He tends to be quite the worrywart, always fussing over any cuts or bruises you may get while going about your day, making sure you eat and get enough rest, and always making sure you're dressed properly.

Oh, the different kind of monster Harvey turns into during the winter LOL. He will stay posted by your door, making sure you don't step a foot outside without a thick coat or gloves.

He does enjoy more than he likes to admit, though, when you still feel cold and he has to give you his coat or his scarf. It makes him all smiley and he thinks you look adorable in his clothing.

I think, his deepest desire, is for you to always stay safe, and that he is the one to provide that safety. I mean, with him being a doctor, he is the only person qualified to look after you anyways, but he still does get jealous.

He gets really upset when he's out of the clinic for a bit, and finds out that Maru was the one who tended to your wounds instead of him.

He gets more jealous when you tell him about the work you did that day, and another person was with you.

What do you mean you spent the evening fishing while conversing with Elliott? That could've been him...

What do you mean you spent the afternoon in the library with Penny? Wha- Gunther winked at you!?

Harvey really does want to spend more time with you, but he has a duty to attend to.

Unless...

Punishments...

Maybe, one day, Harvey will stop worrying so much over your health. He'll let you do your thing as you please, though it would hurt him to see you going about your day so haphazardly. But he'll hold back on his usual worried malewife nagging, and just let you do you.

One day, your dangerous lifestyle will catch up on you, and maybe you'll catch a cold, or you'll break a bone. Harvey will be there immediately, much too prepared.

Even though this is what he wanted from this plan, he still cries. He hates seeing you so beat-up, but he couldn't think of any other way to always be by your side. At least the tears blow away any suspicion of his part in this.

It could be a tiny fracture, but he'll still insist you'd need a cast, and that you'd need a wheelchair for the first few weeks. And, of course, Harvey's there to coddle you and help you around.

Maru says she can look after you while Harvey runs the clinic, but he gets uncharacteristically hostile at the mere suggestion of this. If Maru were to keep prying, if she were to find out that your injuries aren't as bad as he says they are, then Harvey might have to resort to more drastic measures.

Murder would be a very difficult thing for Harvey to do, but when he thinks about the life you two have right now- having you rely on him for everything, taking care of you everyday, spending every single moment with each other- his heart feels like it could fall out of his chest at the thought of anyone taking that away from you two.

His access to such a wide array of chemicals and medicines would be terrifying. If anyone threatens this peaceful, perfect life between you two, he could simply inject them with a certain concoction during their routine check-ups, say they needed it, that it was medicine, and it wouldn't even show in an autopsy.

Unfortunately, his tampering with human life extends to you.

Harvey, I think, would get much too enamored by this life you two have made since you've gotten injured.

Being able to dote on you with no restraint, being by your side for every single moment, it was all he could ever dream of.

But all good things come to an end, and your fractured bone would start to heal.

He never thought he'd be capable of lying, not sure if he'd ever done it before, but it's a newfound talent to him. Worries him how good he is at it.

He tells you you need to keep that cast on. That even if you're allowed to use crutches now instead of a wheelchair, that you still need his assistance. He insists that you need him.

Any sort of push-back from you would have his heart pounding. No, no, you can't get up and go back to work. You can't be doing chores on your own, he'll do that- You cannot leave.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy from an actual doctor would be a horrifying thing to go through. Not just any other doctor either, but Harvey, a man who seems so gentle and kind-hearted, a man who is supposed to be your partner.

Sad to say, but I don't think you'd have any way out of this. Your best course of action would be to just let him take care of you as much as he pleases. In due time, he would want to see you get better, so you'll be back to having your freedom in a few months, maybe...

Rewards...

It is pretty comedic saying this after that punishments portion, but Harvey, on more normal days, really is a passive man. He doesn't really have any strange obsessive habits, though he's probably a little weird about fluids...

By that, I mean he'd probably slip a little bit of his saliva or semen into his cooking. He gets a really euphoric rush when he sees you eating that tainted food he made for you. He enjoys that idea that a part of him is mingled in your body now. The other way around goes, too.

When you're sleeping, sometimes you drool, did you know that? You probably don't, because Harvey always wipes it off and licks it. It gives him shivers whenever he does, makes him way more excited than it should.

His libido is not the highest, but that's because I think he makes an active effort to suppress himself. Wants to be good for you. Harvey does have these dirty thoughts pretty often, but he usually just excuses himself to the bathroom for a second to relieve himself when it gets too unbearable. Even then, he dislikes this, since he feels like it'd be a waste of his release, since it's not inside you.

Every day would feel very domestic, he'd tease that you two already act like an old married couple, but he'd secretly hope you'd catch on to the idea he's putting down.

Harvey really does want to get married to you. He honestly, strangely, would act a lot more normally if you two were to be wed. It's like, there is something that exists that ties you two together, so even if you two aren't always by each other's side, he at least finds some comfort in knowing you two are bound forever.

Let's just, uh, hope you don't divorce him... Honestly, at this point, he may have already taken care of Mayor Lewis, so that option won't even be open to you anymore.

Harvey would probably try to pop the question during a little picnic he prepared for the two of you. The box for your engagement ring hidden in the picnic basket, amongst carefully wrapped sandwiches and lunchboxes.

You would pick it up while looking through the basket, wondering what it was. You open it, and Harvey feels like he could faint from how fast his heart is beating.

He stutters a lot, being unable to look you in the eye, then you rest a hand on his shoulder, and he feels alright again.

"I... I'd really like to get married with you, my love. Whaddya say?"

You smile at him, you say yes, and Harvey literally shouts in joy, before roughly taking you in his arms.

He quickly apologizes for being so erratic, but he swears he's never been happier. He just loves you so much.

Even though you two were only fiancés at this point, he'd call you his husband/wife/spouse from time to time, just a slip of the tongue, but he does get shy about it.

Your life together would be relatively the same now, just with some more added affection.

He'd get more comfortable around you, kissing you more often, getting more touchy, wearing less clothing around the house.

Of course, his main core value is still there; to care for you.

When thinking of Harvey's love language, you would, rationally, expect it to be acts of service. However, I posit this; his love language would be allowing himself to be taken care of.

He does get tired, and you do notice. You try to do his chores, try to take care of yourself so he'd have some time to relax, but he always gets fussy about it.

He insists that he can still do it, that he can still do things for you. Perhaps, he's scared that if he's unable to please you, that you'll go elsewhere, fall out of love with him.

You can sense that fear, and you tell him you'll still be here. You tell him to go lie down and rest, and you'll join him when you've finished cleaning up.

The wrinkles on his forehead soften up, so does his gaze, and he nods.

"I... Alright, sweetheart. I'll be waiting. Don't take too long, okay?"

┊͙✧˖*°࿐

[kozachenko]

Here's a digital sketch dump of some pose/anatomy practices and some 2hu doodles, I think from now on if I don't have any big final piece to post, I'll just post sketches I liked that I did digitally (might also reblog some drawings of mine that I want more people to see, maybe idk).

Artist's Notes:

Ok so after the recent Hifuu fanart I did, I've been hoping to experiment more with how I draw faces, how I render, as well as how I stylize things. In some of the earlier sketches I did, I had an idea for a pose that I wanted to try drawing, so I took a ref pic of myself doing said pose (the leaning one btw) and then did a sketch over top of it just to get an idea for the shapes, negative space, and silhouette. After that, I wanted to do some simpler breakdowns of the shapes so I can get better at simplifying the body (these ended up being the bottom right sketches in the post). I also did some experimenting with how to push certain parts of said sketches to create a different body type (via liquify and then a more refined version based on that sketch), as well as figuring out what makes a pose feel natural and not stiff. This was also a bit of a foreshortening practice just so I can get more confident with it, and I ended up using the arms from the liquified version for the coloured Zanmu sketch I did since I liked them so much (dw I'll get to that).

The next thing I wanted to try and draw was Hisami, mainly because.... I am very bad at drawing her in my style. Last time I drew her I made her look really creepy and spindly, and it is my headcanon now that she can switch between a more human, and more creepy look whenever she wants. I'm liking where the face is going a lot, might have to refine a few things about it in the future, but it's cute (I also made the blush purple which I think is what I'm gonna do with her face from now on). I also like how her hair in the sketch turned out a lot, but the outfit..... not as much... Ever since I started changing my style to something less cartoony, I've had a hard time drawing her outfit in my style. Especially the flower veil thing she has on, which, I did try to find a way to draw, but I ended up deleting that sketch because I didn't like it. I'm also not a fan of using the colour purple, like, pure purple, magentas are fine, indigos are fine, but not strict purple. I also have a hard time with drawing all the little pattern details on her dress. I also need to find a way to draw the flower veil in a way that looks good because everytime I try it ends up just looking off (very similar to whenever I try to draw Zanmu's blue spears). I think the only solution to this problem is to do what I normally do and make my own version of the outfit, but with adjustments to suit my style while still trying to keep core elements from the original design intact (like I do with Zanmu and Keiki, and yes I am going to get to that Zanmu drawing just gimme a minute).

Ok next up is Keiki, my favourite Touhou character who I haven't drawn since the beginning of the year. Since my style has changed a lot, I wanted to just do a face sketch of her to get a hang of drawing her again, and I..... really really like how it turned out! When I drew her eyes, I realized that a good way of keeping faces too same facey can be via varying the sizes of their pupils, so that's an idea I'm gonna keep in mind from now on. I had a lot of fun with her hair, I initially was gonna do it like how it is in the official art, but I ended up not liking it, so now I'm gonna draw Keiki with wavy heir like this because it's fun and it looks nice. I also included my base sketch for Keiki's face since I was initially struggling with drawing her bandanna, and in the coloured sketch I added some more detail into her hair.

Now to finally talk about the sketches for Zanmu. Good lord was I having a tough time with her face. I also did this sketch before I figured out how I wanted to draw hair, so that's why the rendering on her hair is different (I did this soon after the Hisami sketch actually). Since I changed my art style a lot, I had to find a way to translate her face from my more cartoony style to my more detailed style, so while the face shape, nose shape and mouth was fine, I was really struggling with the eyes. I did get somewhere eventually though, and I am super happy with how it turned out. I wanted to lean more towards the androgynous side of the gender presentation spectrum, mainly because I think that makes sense for her character. Also made sure to include the silver hairs and some wrinkles just to bring some signs of her aging into her face because those are just staple features of how I draw Zanmu at this point lol. You will also notice that I gave her some scars on the right side of her face, and that's because I am a Zanmu-with-scars truther, I fucking love it whenever I see someone give Zanmu visible scars like that it just adds so much omg (I also tried to put a wolf bite mark on her arm in the full body drawing but idk if it reads well). While you can argue that her not having scars sells the idea of her being this "powerful, untouchable mastermind who is impossible to defeat," I'd say that instead of those scars representing times she got injured, they represent everyone who has failed to defeat her.

As I was drawing Zanmu's face, I referenced my sketch of to help with contrasting their features since I made Keiki's face more traditionally feminine. I also didn't mention this in my commentary on Keiki's face because I wanted to save it for here, but giving Zanmu scars also plays into the fact that she used to be human, wheras Keiki doesn't have any scars because she's a god who doesn't follow the rules of normal human biology. Plus I'm thinking about the two of them interacting again (return of Zan/Keik??? (I'm a multishipper btw) maybe???) so drawing their faces together will definitely help me in the future if I wanna draw them together (again, maybe as a ship? I've kinda been ironing out the kinks in their potential interactions (romantic and non-romantic) for a while now so idk maybe expect that in the future lol).

And now for the full body drawing, when I was doing the face sketch I did this little snippet of an outfit, had a vision, and the made it into a reality. I'll admit, part of me was worried that it would end up looking too much like Yuugi's outfits in the spinoffs and mangas, but I feel like I made enough changes to differentiate them. I tried to keep a few of the major details in Zanmu's design (i.e. the red tassles and yellow lining on her shirt) while putting a new spin on it. I also dialed up the scars to 11 since without them the whole thing kinda looked incomplete. Also, while I could say that the leaves on her kimono are "a nod to the fact that technically she should be a tengu because back then people belived that corrupt monks would turn into tengu but no Zanmu is an oni and they're maple leaves because...tengu...ahahahaha" what really ended up happening was that I looked up clothing patterns from Sengoku era Japan, liked the leaves the most because the red picked up on the red from the rest of her design and just ran with it. I also always had the idea to put Zanmu in men's clothing from Sengoku era Japan and while the accurate thing to do would be to put her in a Buddhist's clothes from that era.... from a character standpoint, I don't think Zanmu is pious enough to strictly wear the proper monk uniform, and also since she's basically the king of Hell, she would probably dress herself like royalty from that era. TBH, I probably could've been a bit more historically accurate, but again, this was mainly for conceptual purposes because I had a vision and I needed to see it through.

If I were to draw her in this sort of outfit again, I should probably try and use more references, although now that I look at it, if she were to wear it properly this would maybe, probably look a bit closer to a Kyūtai sugata (a very huge stretch, but it just kinda reminds me of that) just without the layers under and over the main piece of clothing (In the website that I searched up to try and compare the outfit in my sketch to, they name the outfit pieces but don't label them on the image, so I don't know 100% what everything is called) so I will definitely have to use that style of clothing as a reference going forward.

Also, I was kind of inspired by the ToTK design for Ganondorf since I have finished the game a while ago and I absolutely love what they did with his design (it's just so fucking cool omg) and I thought that sort of look would look good on Zanmu, so yeah got some inspo from that.

And those were all the notes for each of the sketches, I'm motivated to draw rn but kinda art blocked, so doing these little coloured sketches helps a lot.

[honeytabbies]

OKAY. HERE WE GO. my black bulls doggies!!!! :D

there's definitely a noticeable difference in style/quality of some of these just due to time between each design and/or how i was feeling at the time of drawing them (these hot and rainy summer months have been super rough on me)

ALSO they were all done symmetrically so that i wouldn't burn out and could actually finish them LOL . OK EVERYBODY BELOW

starting off with asta, a husky/coyote mutt!! :D in my au, devil users end up becoming hybrids of whatever their devil is. so since liebe is a coyote, that's what asta is too!! (also, i haven't drawn him yet, but yuno is a malamute :D similar looking breeds but different since they're not actually related!)

(here's liebe too hehe, scrappy lil coyote!!)

then of course, noelle, who's a saluki!! a very regal breed for a very royal gal!! i thought making her pigtails into her ears was a fun idea HEHEHE

(+ an alternate design version!)

here's finral, he's a shetland sheepdog!! gentle and sweet and always trying to herd his people together :) you might notice that with some of my designs, i end up doing extra scarring; that's usually just personal headcanons, as i think some injuries would be too grievous to fully heal. though some (for instance, gauche) don't have a canon story behind them, i just think they're fitting

vanessa, who's a cavalier king charles spaniel!! her ears sorta blend into her hair lol, i had an alternate version where they were the same darker brown as her fur but i decided that them blending in looked better and fit the breed standard as well.

gauche, the ever wary american akita!! being a fiercely loyal and protective breed, but aloof and suspicious of strangers.

then there's grey, who's a long-haired chihuahua!! sweet and skittish HEHE, also i haven't drawn it yet but i've always imagined her big transformation disguise that she's first introduced as to be a rottweiler LOL

next up is luck, a jack russell terrier!! i've always thought this was a very fitting breed pick, intelligent but highly energetic and a little mischievous !!!

and of course, magna is never far behind luck; he's a dobermann pinscher!! similar to luck in energy and intelligence, but even more fiercely protective of his loved ones.

GORDON!!! actually one of my favourite black clover characters, he's a dalmatian not only because of the fitting aesthetic, but also because of his kind and sensitive personality!

the masked supermage zora, a german shepherd! watchful and sometimes stubborn but loyal nonetheless made this pick fairly easy to come to. though, before getting to see more of him, my initial pick was actually a kai ken!

charmy's design is one that i'm the most proud of for sure; i mentioned in an earlier post that the different peoples are different species of animals. well charmy is a half toy poodle, half american badger!! i thought a badger was a VERY fitting pick, as they are generally unbothered by much unless their food is threatened LOL

and finally, lastly (for now) is nero!! she's a bull terrier, but i really wanted to keep her twin tails from her anti-bird form! her outfit is definitely the one i edited the most, i just wanted to give her something more practical out of personal preference.

additionally, henry is an old english sheepdog, nacht is a black norwegian elkhound/fox, and yami is a wolfdog!

I HAVE SOME OTHER CHARACTERS DOODLED HERE AND THERE but nothing else really finished yet. if there's a specific character anyone would like to see i would be SO happy to draw/doodle them to show off!! i honestly have a huge list of dog/cat breeds picked out for every character i could think of; i just am hellishly indecisive and can never pick who to start on next AHDSJAGDJSDK

THE POSITIVE RECEPTION TO MY ART SO FAR HAS MADE ME SO HAPPY BTW AUAGGHHH i have no idea how/if im able to reply to people directly but just know that i keep reading over everyone's reblog tags and stimming like crazy IM SO HAPPY THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH AUHGHFEHGGRH

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

The Icon of Eönwë- TRSB Process Post

See the promo post here!

Above the cut is a relatively brief explanation of symbolism, design choices, and everything re: the text. Under the cut is the full (long) story of how I managed to create my magnum opus, + process pics!

Very early in my days as a Silm fan I read a silly summary of the Silmarillion and in the summary of the maiar I somehow completely misread it as saying Eönwë had indigo skin and my Eönwë has been blue ever since. The bird characteristics followed naturally from his service to Manwë, though I kept him fairly humanoid because I imagine as herald he interacts more with Incarnates than other Maiar.

His hair and the color of his wings mostly stemmed from my vague annoyance that he's rarely depicted in a "traditionally (religiously) angelic" way, so I gave him the features of the angels in my church. Floofy hair and golden brown-red-blue wings. The armor and clothing followed from this, with the bonus of the scale armor continuing the feather motif.

The ruby on the sword pommel is there because there was no other red in the composition besides the wings and it looked unbalanced. This icon was painted prior to the War of Wrath, so it isn't necessarily Manwë's sword that he uses during it.

The position his hand is in is a priest's blessing, though people in the @tolkienrsb discord mentioned it reminded them of Buddhist hand forms as well. Interpret it however you will within the meaning of "Peace be unto all".

The Sarati was deliberately chosen as the older form of writing, to be more traditional, and the words are Valarin as I think suits a religious artifact. The transcription reads:

Mayâz Manal Iȝônowêz (Maia-holy Eönwë -> Holy Maia Eönwë) Akesa Baradâš Mânawenûz-iyôz (Voice-raised/high Manwë-of -> High Voice [Herald] of Manwë)

It all started last March, when (instead of doing all the overdue assignments I should have been working on) I decided to draw Eönwë for no particular reason. I further decided that I was going to draw him in the style of Eastern Orthodox/Byzantine icons, because the style is unique, thematically relevant, and frankly very underutilized in fanart (I would soon learn why that is).

(I also found it funny to draw a character made by Tolkien- devoted Catholic- in the Orthodox style.)

I kinda-good-enough finished it over spring break, desperately ignoring the sword and the wings, and was reminded of the existence of TRSB. I wanted to participate, knew I wouldn't have the energy to write, and had no other art in a good enough state to submit. I've long wanted to explore the weirdness of religion in Arda, and this was the perfect opportunity.

The lovely @goschatewabn claimed my sketch and I was off! And then I wasn't.

I decided that there was no way to do my vision justice without painting it, that my cheap sketchbook would not hold up to that, and that I would rather stab myself than transfer the drawing to a canvas.

"Hmm" I thought, "Icons are traditionally painted on wood. Maybe I should get a piece of wood from the neighborhood workshop, cut out the sketch, and glue it on there to paint."

"That's a brilliant idea, me," I thought, "But what about the wings (which you haven't drawn) and the sword (which you haven't drawn)?"

"I'm in denial," I thought, "So please shut up. That's a problem for future me."

("Fuck you," thinks future me, repeatedly and with great vigor, ever increasing in wrath as I must spend ~20 hours sketching out and then painting the wings before I do anything I actually want to do because I need to glue Eönwë down over them.)

The wood is successfully found, cut to size (shout out my father for his help), sanded, and conditioned over the course of an afternoon. White acrylic paint and modpodge are obtained from the craft store (shout out my mother for going, I asked for gesso but they didn't have any), and the wood is generously modpodged to seal it because I didn't want to shell out the money for sealant.

See above for my suffering re: wings. I wanted to violently destroy every art supply in the house rather than go through sketching the individual feathers. I bravely restrained myself, and allowed myself the brief reprieve of figuring out how to do the halo.

Not wanting to buy gold acrylic paint, and with my metallic markers working poorly on the wood, I came to the solution of mixing mica powder (that my sister had in excess from her slime-making phase) mixed with modpodge. The result is very very golden and shiny and exactly what I was looking for, though it's difficult to get an even and smooth consistency.

"Hmm," I thought, as I cut out my sketch and glued it down, "maybe it would be a good idea to sketch out the sword now, before I start painting,"

"I'm in denial", I thought, "And besides, we just suffered through doing the wings. We deserve a little break. That's a problem for future me."

("Fuck you," thinks future me, repeatedly and with increasing desperation and devastation as I must sketch out a decent looking sword, fold it to cut it out to be symmetrical, and line it up with his hand so I can perfectly cut out a section of the handle, and the two pieces must then be glued on perfectly.")

It's now relevant to mention that traditionally, icons are painted dark to light. Symbolically this represents the triumph of good over sin, etc, but practically this is a key to the style, as the previous layers build up undertones and also allows for the signature shading style. It also takes much more work to build up a good color, even using fairly decent paint.

(What brand, you ask? Well it came in an art kit I got when I was like 15 and forgot about until the start of the summer. So no idea.)

Was it worth the work? Yes. The final piece looks cool as hell (Valinor?). Am I mad about it? Also yes.

Painting the individual scales of the armor was an exercise in patience and withstanding torture for extended periods of time. It was done over the course of three days, totaling around 10 hours. I mixed mica into the paints and then sealed it with a less intense mica-modpodge mixture, which is very difficult to appreciate in photo but looks fantastic irl.

The clothes were difficult because I had to work with a different style than I had been. Feathers are typically rendered in a more graphic style, as in my piece, and while hair is usually shaded more typically I found a few examples of this style, and the armor was similar. But now I had to do folds and actual shading, which is very difficult when you have a large area and very fast-drying acrylic. On the other hand, I was finally free of all the golds, browns, and yellows. I was so sick of them by then.

(The way I got around the fast-drying on the palette was by DIYing a wet palette. They're magical. You just stick wet paper towels in a tupperware and cover them with a layer or two of parchment paper (or wax paper in a pinch, although I poked some holes on the bottom layer because it's more water-resistant) and it will keep the paint wet for ages- even for a few weeks in my case with the lid on.)

It's at this point that progress halted because I had to pack for returning to college, and get a tattoo, and get horribly sick with a headcold, not in that order. My event partner was very patient with me, which I appreciate more than I can say. Once I was settled in to my new environment, though, I got right back to working

The skin was not extremely difficult to paint in and of itself (the shading and color mixing was fairly straightforward), but all the tiny, finicky details were very stress inducing. I used a teeny tiny nail art brush for details, and even that felt too big at some points (cough EARS AI VALAR THE EARS WERE SO HARD cough). Going around all the tiny feathers on the face and ears was an exercise in holding my breath and using every possible technique to steady my hands. Getting the hand right was also difficult, but fortunately they already look weird in the style, so it was just a matter of making them look weird in a deliberate-looking way.

Besides the text (and last-minute inclusion of the ruby in the pommel- I woke up and decided it needed the contrast) the eyes were the last thing I painted. It felt fitting. I poured my blood (achey back+hands+legs) sweat (I sanded the wood outside on a very hot afternoon) and tears (stress) into him, and in return on this 9"x13"x1/3" sheet of wood he came alive for me, and hopefully for you too. He isn't perfect, there are a few things that in retrospect I would've done differently, but he's the best I've got. I hope I did the High-Voice of Manwë justice.

[enquire]

my core four/initial six dra ponies post

Designing Mikako has been a bit of a struggle for some reason, so I figured I'd post some of these and finish the group drawing I've been working on instead.

First, here's a quick lineup of the core four.

From right to left: Radiant Ember (Rei Mekaru), Thrift Twinkle (Teruya Otori), Saber Frost (Tsurugi Kinjo), and Clover Shores (Yuki)

I took away Thrift's rainbow horseshoes and coat dye for this lineup.

I'm still figuring out all their sizes relative to each other, but hey these four look good together color wise, sucess! It's been a while since I've designed characters as a set like this. Drawing stylized ponies is kind of a struggle (particularly the legs send help) but I'm happy with them so far despite that.

I'll probably actually share lore next time but this one'll just be art. I do have some stuff written/thought up about Saber, Scarlet, Clover, and Kismet in particular.

Also, here's one of Saber and Ember, in the middle of a heated argument, with poor Thrift in the background. Clover wasn't around that day so he has to put up with it on his own. Saber probably started this somehow and likely deserves whatever verbal lashing Ember is about to give him, I imagine. You can ignore that I didn't bother with the details of Ember's crystal hair lol.

And finally, I was able to finish this hangout for them all. This group is kind of the main 6 of this little AU, (initial six? fun group names anyone?) though Gizmo and Moonshade aren't always around, since they live in Canterlot. And other characters carousel through of course.

The still unnamed small main town (if you have any ideas let me know I haven't thought of any appropriately horse pun filled or cozy sounding names yet.) is near the mountains. This scene is from one of Gizmo and Moonshade's visits to see the other four. Nothing like hot cocoa around a campfire. It was pretty nice to just work on a piece like this for a while. Adding all the little details and not worrying too much about it being 'good' you know? just self indulgent, cozy art.

I'll be honest, I don't think I've ever drawn mlp magic before in full, that turned out a little ehh... and there are other things that bug me about this. (mikako/moonshade's design may or may not be accurate later lol) But honestly being able to draw and make art is kind of more than enough for me at the moment haha. It made me smile on a bad day, imperfections and silly ass subject matter be damned.

[stepswordsen]

【Magi】 Judar and JuAli 🐈‍⬛🖤 ❤️ 💛

JuAli WIP doodles 🖤 ❤️ 💛

Quick doodles before I head back to my assignments

Been a while since I drew Judar and Alibaba together… I missed them!!! I hope to draw them more~

You can see the rest under the cut~

I wasn't sure if I should post my sketches here since they're so messy but I thought I might as well

I'll copy paste my old rambles too since I have more to add this time

2024 vs. 2022

(2024)

Comparison (2022 ~ 2023)

(2024)

Comparison (November 2022)

For the kissy one:

Wasn't sure which one I liked more tbh

1st one fits more...

Though for the 2nd one, I think Judar looks more efforted ADHSHDHSH

Since I excel at drawing meow meow mf charas

3rd one I drew in November 2022. The expressions are still cute in this one so I still like it, but my brush strokes improved a lot since then

For the hanfu Judar one:

Recent versions (+ the old one from 2022)

I've been playing around with the eyes~ I like these ones best. The eyes are bigger in the 1st one, and the others have them a bit smaller. The 1st one has a more innocent look. The 2nd has more slitted eyes and a "seductive" look?

Judar has sharp (tsurime) eyes and rings in his eyes, which are really fun to draw hehe 🤗

I'll redraw the hair soon! I just drew it quickly in like 5 minutes. It's finals season for me. I'm not fully free from this semester so I'm still quite busy, but you'll probably see small doodles from me 🙏

I'm definitely seeing art improvement (improvement in brush strokes and anatomy and proportions)

Ohtaka deliberately draws hatched lines near Judar's eyes to represent his eyeshadow 🤭 ❤️

I drew the hair quickly, so I didn't pay much attention to the shapes of the hair spikes so it's not as soft. But even with the quick doodle, the hair has better weight now. Once I get to refine things properly, I'll actually pay attention to the way his hair spikes are drawn.

I was recently rereading my old dialogue scripts from my JuAli AU and revamping them! I doodled Judar and Alibaba SO much in 2022. It's the Fire/Ice duality and Black Cat x Golden Retriever ship dynamic 🖤💛🐈‍⬛🐕

I wanna draw JuAli again soon and redraw my old doodles. JuAli is my main Magi ship so ofc I wanna draw lots of them~ I haven't gotten the time yet, but I want to draw my ships like AliHaku, SinJa, and KouMor eventually, too 🙏✨

Inspiration

Based on this black and red (Judar colours) hanfu I got~

Judar rambles

I originally drew Judar wearing hanfu in 2022! Still one of my personal fave doodles ❤️ Judar is my fave (no one is surprised, I have the most obvious predictable tastes in the world LMAO). A meow meow mf perfect for my tastes.

Judar fits perfectly into the highly specific Sen-core niche that my top faves all tend to fall under - Meow meow mf. C*nty sen-core bastard cat who's violent, threatens people, and ok with murder. Bloodthirsty. Monochrome aesthetic colour palette.

Manga Judar has red eyeliner (?) and anime Judar has purple eyeshadow? Both are good, but I like Judar with red eyeliner since black and red are his theme colours! 🖤❤️ I like how the colours pop, the contrast against his design, and how it matches his red eyes.

In my HCs, Judar wears a type of hanfu called Ruqun (襦裙). Ru (襦) is the cross-collared top of a hanfu, and the wrap-around skirt is called Qun (裙). The coat jacket is called Da Xiu Shan (大袖衫).

I want him to wear black, white, red, gold, hanfu & hanfu earrings, with red eyeliner and black painted nails 🤗

I still need to pick my headcanon hanfu earrings for Judar... I imagine they'd be gold with red accessories.

I just have to refine the eyes, redraw the hair and hanfu, and then start doing the lineart for it! I love the expression tbh

Additional rambles

I miss my sons, I wanna draw my HC designs of JuAli (with Judar wearing hanfu and Alibaba with tanner skin, wearing traditional Arabic clothes), as a fix-it for the obvious colourism going on in Magi's character designs of SWANA and South Asian inspired characters

I bought black and red hanfu back in 2023. I based my Judar hanfu doodles on it 🥺❤️ It's in Judar colours. Black red and white 🖤❤️🤍 I'm so HAPPY to get something that reminds me of my fave 🥰🤭❤️✨ I got it from the Hanfu Story~ They have such a large selection of hanfu and they're all so gorgeous~

Basically Judar themed hanfu~ I love traditional clothes, so it's my dream to collect them! Now I can use it as refs to draw him with the poses and lighting I want teehee. Hanfu & huafu look GORGEOUS to me. I also have Việt Phục like áo dài and áo tấc~

The colours are amazing!! I love black and red combo 😭💖 It's way too easy to fall into the fashion hole and collecting traditional clothes but I definitely want more in the future!

Magi: Ch. 110 - 111, Ch. 196 - 197, Ch. 239, Ch. 288

I love how Ohtaka stylizes and draws the shape of Judar's hair and braids. It's so clever how she simplifies the shapes. It just looks so good. It looks galaxy/tornado shaped… I love how the hatched lines above his eyes in Ohtaka's inking represents his eyeliner... ❤️

Judar's expressions from Ch. 110 - 111 are so unhinged… The Ch. 288 omake Judar is iconic. Fucking crazy ass LMAO 😭😂 Love you tho! 💞🫶

I'll be honest. I've thought about changing my PFP to this Judar again from the Magi omakes, like I thought of doing it as an April Fool's joke before, but I feel like no one would bat an eye cuz of how my faves are like LMFAO

Sen-core faves: Murderous, bloodthirsty, violent (or at the very least, has a disposition for violence), MAY eat people and/or their innards 🙌

JuAli core ship posts

And while you're at it, have the meme edit of them I made (1st image)

Anyways I made the 1st image's meme edit myself <33

Alibaba with tanner skin has such great visual contrast against his earrings~

I also wanna commission arts of JuAli at one point but I'd want to do it with my headcanon designs of them (Judar wearing hanfu and Alibaba with tanner skin wearing traditional Arabic clothes)

Art rambles

When I sketch, I draw out the expressions and decide which ones looks best (I either do it once or a few ~ several times) depending on whether I'm satisfied with it. I like the two most recent 2024 versions I showed~ The old ones are still nice... But I prefer the recent versions, because I think it shows how my art style and proportions improved.

These sketches are super messy right now so when I get the time I'll refine them more! It's just to make it consistent with my current style. I'm a little insecure about my sketches, so I prefer to keep most of them on priv for mutuals.

Since I'm not really a fan of the idea of my sketches/WIPs getting posted around when I'm bound to fix/refine/improve on them later when I get the chance to refine them. Though thankfully with my 2022+ lining style, my sketches look more "aesthetically nice" or "post worthy" to me...

Perhaps in the future... I do genuinely like my art style and I'm very happy with my art improvement, but I want to keep growing as an artist first. I want to reach the point where I manage to become more technically skilled and confident about my works (even my sketches)

Though since I posted the rest of the sketches under the cut, feel free to reblog them if you want!

[khaleesa]

Writing prompts: 11!

I haven't written a word since I finished Guidance Counseling, but this prompt ("just once") finally inspired me! Thank you for submitting it! And thanks to @bratanimus for giving it a once-over. <3

==

Tomorrowland

The rocketship slide, layered with decades of chipped paint and rust, would've been a better vantage point to watch the Creel house for the signal, but Chrissy couldn't bring herself to approach it. Eddie, on the other hand, thundered up the metal slide like an overgrown boy showing off on the playground--which was probably exactly what he was doing. Goofball. She had no such urge and was drawn instead to the ramshackle picnic table tucked beneath the sheltering canopy of the old sugar maples, near a light post that she hoped to God still worked. It would be dark soon. 

In spite of the very serious--not to mention scary--circumstances that brought them here, she felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips as she watched Eddie flail and narrowly avoid falling off the top of the slide when he attempted to crouch beneath the child-sized opening of the rocket. The hatch? It was so weird how they barely knew each other--had never talked before last Friday--but somehow he could make her feel comfortable even in truly uncomfortable situations. 

He bumped his forehead on a metal bar, swore, and rubbed it dramatically as he turned to face her. 

"Laughing at my misery, Cunningham?" he called down to her. "I knew it--you're a sadist!"

"I am not!" Chrissy retorted, groaning inwardly at how lame that sounded. 

They should probably be more quiet; the team inside had planned on absolute silence until the time came to draw out Vecna. Could he hear beyond the dilapidated walls of the old house? 

A shudder rippled down Chrissy's spine. She didn't want to think about Vecna yet. It was hard not to, though, with the darkened windows of the run-down house staring like hollow eyes in skeleton faces. She was glad she wasn't looking at them dead-on. She didn't like how they seemed to be fixed on Eddie. 

Scary as it was, the Creel house also made her feel heavy with sadness. Once upon a time, it had been pretty. Ladies wearing dresses with puffed sleeves and trailing skirts and hair pinned up in elegant styles had sipped tea in the front parlor, while children in lacy pinafores and knickerbockers played in the garden. Later, in the fifties probably, someone had built the space-age playground. It would've looked a little like Disneyland, with pastel Victorian Main Street, USA perched just around the corner from Tomorrowland. There was nothing magical about this, however--except for back magic. The Unhappiest Place on Earth. 

"You okay?"

Chrissy's gaze darted from the house back to the slide, where Eddie stood at the top of the stairs, frozen with that same look of concern that had taken her so much by surprise that day in the forest. You okay? he'd asked then, too. Other people had asked that since she’d started having her episodes--Jason, her friends on the cheer squad--but Eddie was the first one who'd actually seemed to give a damn, to make her feel like maybe she could explain, and maybe he'd get it.

If he hadn't exactly gotten it then, he definitely did now. Chrissy felt just terrible that she'd dragged him into this horror movie that her life had become. Even if he did work awfully hard to make people think he was mean and scary. 

He didn't look scary now, though. He just looked…scared. Like he thought her eyes might glaze and she'd start levitating again, and this time…No. More things she didn't want to think about right now. 

Maybe she could do what Eddie was so good at. Make him feel comfortable. 

She sat up straight--no easy feat on the bowed and off-balance picnic table bench--shoulders back, chin raised, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm a little offended that you think I'm a sadist." 

Eddie barked out a laugh and bounded down the slide steps, skipping a few, and over to the opposite side of the picnic table. He slapped his palms on the surface and leaned forward, eyes dark and gazing down at her. Chrissy had read about men flashing lascivious grins before; now, she finally had a real-life picture of what that meant.

"I didn't say sadism was a bad thing." Eddie's grin somehow grew even wider as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Did he hear how sharply Chrissy drew in her breath? Could he see the flush that prickled like a sunburn across her cheeks and ears? Thank goodness for the long shadows cast by the sunset, and that the light post over the table still hadn't turned on. She wracked her brain for a clever response, but Eddie leering down at her was too distracting, and she was totally out of her league when it came to knowledge from dirty magazines and movies. Anyway, Eddie seemed thrilled to have rendered her speechless. Somehow, this didn't make her feel dumb, like Jason did when he knew things she didn't. Eddie just got a kick out of scandalizing her, or corrupting her innocence, or something. 

And over the last couple of days, Chrissy was learning she got a kick out of being scandalized, or corrupted, or something by Eddie.

The light mood didn't last long. Eddie's grin faded as he trudged around the picnic table to straddle the bench next to her. For a moment, they contemplated the Creel house in silence. Eerie silence; no doves cooed in the tree limbs above, no crickets chirped in the unmowed playground grass. Chrissy was about to comment on how weird this was, when Eddie spoke, a cigarette clenched between his teeth. 

"Me and the band…" He trailed away as the lighter snicked and the end of the cigarette flared.

Although Chrissy wasn't a fan of stale, old cigarette smell, she liked fresh smoke. Now, it brought the reassurance that she wasn't the only living thing here, that Eddie was warm and alive beside her. She felt herself shifting a little closer to him, her knee bumping one of his.

Pocketing the lighter, Eddie took a drag, then removed the cigarette to exhale, smoke wreathing him as he went on. "We always talked about having this dump as an album cover. Or shooting a music video here. It's creepy as shit."

Chrissy nodded her agreement. "I feel kind of silly for ever thinking the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland is spooky." 

Eddie blew out another puff of smoke. "You've been to Disneyland?" 

"Just once. Have you?"

"Nope." He popped the p definitively; it almost seemed to echo in the quiet of the playground.

"It's probably not your kind of place." 

Eddie sat back, a deep frown tugging at his features, buckling his forehead. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" 

Chrissy flushed as she realized how that sounded. Not like she'd meant it at all. "Just that it's cheesy fantasy stuff. For kids." 

Eddie's shoulders relaxed, and a grin slanted across his face. "Cunningham. What do you think Dungeons and Dragons is? Honestly, Disneyland sounds right up my alley." 

That wasn't exactly in line with how he and Dustin had explained Dungeons and Dragons to her, but Chrissy was just relieved he wasn't offended anymore. "But you wouldn't think the Haunted Mansion is even a little bit scary," she said. "Not compared to all those movies you like." 

Eddie seemed to consider this as he smoked, turning his head toward the Creel House. "After this week, I think maybe I've had enough horror shit." 

Chrissy's heart gave a squeeze in her chest, but before her guilt could take hold, Eddie's fingers closed around her knee, and she found herself looking into his dark, glittering eyes again. 

"Tell you what," he said. "If I graduate? We're going to Disneyland." 

An image sprang into Chrissy's mind of the two of them strolling toward Sleeping Beauty Castle, Eddie in denim and leather and chains and Mickey Mouse ears. But that wasn't what made Chrissy let out a shriek of delighted laughter, then clap her hand over her mouth lest Vecna hear them or Eddie somehow read her mind and think she was making fun of him. Or it wasn't only that. If I graduate, he'd said, not, If we make it out of this alive. Graduation came after. They would have an after. 

"Not if you graduate, Eddie," she said. "When." 

Eddie smiled--not the maniacal, teeth-baring grin, but biting his lip, ducking his head, hair falling in his face. He leaned in, close enough that Chrissy could smell the cigarette on his breath. She wanted to taste it on his lips. 

"And, uh, if the Haunted Mansion gets too spooky for you…you can…" His tongue darted out to lick his lips. "...hold my hand." 

His gaze dropped, and Chrissy saw his hand had moved from her knee, close to hers on the bench. His pinky touched the side of her hand. She flicked hers out to touch it. 

In the dormer window of the Creel house, a light flashed on, and they both sat up. The signal.

"But I'm the one who'll probably be shitting my pants," Eddie rasped.

Gripped with a sudden courage and decisiveness, Chrissy stood up. "Then you can hold my hand," she said, and twined their fingers together. 

~*~

If you'd like a fic, drop a prompt in my asks!

[grokebaby]

Hiiii Me again <3 Could we have crumbs of Grandefel maybe 🥺👉👈 would love to know more about herrrrr. Angle of all time. Id like to know anything tbh but just as a prompt to get you started, how did you come up with her design ?? Its super interesting and I really love the colorssz

Hiiiii<3 (twirls my halo) she is so THE. My poor.. Intended protagonist girlboss..

Oh boy her design? Let's say she really grew into it. Like the earliest art of her I have is sso ugly I'm sorry Grande but I did not have a handle on that thang. She had such Pug vibes. I think this'll be an interesting post?

This is the beginning of it all. Unfortunately I don't have a super insightful answer to how I came up wi her, bc the Og* angels were literally me going HeeHoo with a pencil. (*Certain specific angels I designed in relative succession to each other before I had a handle on how I want to design angels. The so called Ogs are Lamera, ZZZ, J'aimekiel, Grandefel, Kxxxtr, Ngah and Combfa. Everyone after this was designed a notable amount of time later and with much more "process" to them)

I have some thoughts but it's fuzzy and vague? Okay. So I thought I should definitely do one lion (esque?) at least bc *points at old religious art of angels* and they just have those Vibes to me, ykno? I associate angels with certain things that I try to employ in the story's characters (to an extent). Grandefels vibes were.. Guardian, maybe a tad like a sphynx, just ykno, a huge feline statue like entity who guards something and is like a scary immovable force ig? I wanted some ethereal aspects to it, and lots of teeth (hers aren't visible here but the whole underside of her body opens up to a huge ass mouth with teeth everywhere). Now, initially I was gonna have her hair be lilac but turn bright blue in some situations but I WAAAY preferred the blue on her. She's supposed to have Blue flames mixed with galaxy vibes. Like if blue flames were a puddle and that puddle was a lion's mane. And it was all. Cool and semi-physical

Onto how her design adjusted overtime.

I think most firstly I stopped drawing the grooves on her body that would open up to reveal the Teeth, I mean I do still allude to them vaguely but I figured the way I was doing it at first looked kinda.. Eugh? Another thing I quickly started changing was her hair texture. Originally I wanted it to be completely straight and smooth and flowing but it looked way more interesting and more galaxy esque with it being bubbly and cloudy. I guess my initial thought was that I wanted it to look like it was flowing out of her head? Like some water?

^water vibes

Getting there

Galaxy vibes^

(This anthro drawing also demonstrates the way I nowadays moreso "allude" to her hidden mouth but the anthro version here isn't too close to Canon otherwise since I gave her face an actual normal mouth too lol)

Oh yes, and the crown is another major change!

I think my first notable adjustment was made here (note also the flowy hair). If gotten an amino commission (No money, just amino coins lol) of her and really liked the way the artist drew her crown so I took after that and started slowly changing it. It took me a while to be satisfied with, though. In the very beta version, it was supposed to be like a ring/circle. If you look at the older drawings up there, you can see that one horn is meant to be drawn on the "front" and the other behind. It's like if you looked at her from straight up, you'd see the three dimensionality of it, being more like an actual halo instead of one solid headgarment. I do still really like this idea, however I just think it looks better as it is now. I also had a fair bit of finagling with the side horns, frankly I always found them ugly so I'm finally happy with how they look (just realising I haven't drawn her in a bit, so, the anthro pic is the most accurate to her current design if we ignore the uh.. Anthro-ness lol)

One more thing! You don't see her halo too often in these, but it's intended to be drawn tilted. It's not straight (just like her), and tilts a bit down on one side. In universe this is kinda viewed as an imperfection and she used to be ashamed of it. The irl explanation for it was that it couldn't fit straight between the horns, with the way I'd formed the crown, and so I kept it that her halo just is that way! It fits oddly between her crown and I think that's neat!

Apparently on that last picture I decided to draw the halo straight, though? Cringe... :/

Now if you'll excuse me this post made me want to make more art of her

[julesthoughts]

I posted 73 times in 2022

Das sind 73 more posts als 2021!

20 posts created (27%)

53 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged most:

@hacked-by-jake

@incorrectnessduskwood

@twxddle

@julesisreading

@raemae17

I tagged 33 of my posts in 2022

#personal – 11 posts

#ask – 11 posts

#duskwood – 11 posts

#thank you – 11 posts

#love – 8 posts

#julesisreading – 8 posts

#<333333333 – 6 posts

#duskwood everbyte – 6 posts

#duskwood fanfiction – 5 posts

#hacked-by-jake – 5 posts

Longest Tag: 43 characters

#i'll paint your nails as dark as my soul 😈

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Trap of Lies

Chapter 21

This is a dark AU collaboration started by @x3kristax3. You can find the other chapters here.

TW: Mentioning of Torture and Violence

MC POV

After ages, I was finally able to persuade Alan to leave his house. Of course, only with him, alone he would never let me go. His proximity drove me insane, and his constant advances got on my nerves. I kept telling him that I wasn't ready because of what had happened. He showed understanding, but still, it didn't stop him from trying again and again. It's been two weeks since I left Jake and honestly, I was hoping to get back to him as soon as possible. Back in his warm arms, look into his soft eyes and feel his soft lips on mine.

I shook my head slightly to break the train of thought. I couldn't think about Jake that much now, he was my weakness and weakness wasn't allowed right now. We went to the flower stand and as I was looking around, my favorite flowers caught my eye. I took a bundle and smelled them, a lump forming in my throat immediately. The memory of Jake watching me here back then came flooding back. He was a stranger and yet I felt drawn to him in a way. The corners of my mouth twitched up briefly, but I immediately put my face back to normal.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and put the flowers back as Alan wasn't going to buy them for me anyway. Alan had his back to me, and he was talking to someone, but I couldn't see who it was as he was completely hidden by Alan. I wanted to take a closer look, but suddenly I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I could already guess who it was, but I turned around to confirm my suspicion. In front of me was a red-haired beauty and I saw relief on her face. I put my arms around her, and she hugged me tightly to make sure I was really in front of her. I heard her sigh joyfully. The last time we saw each other was before I was kidnapped and held captive.

I wanted to detach myself from the hug, but Jessy wouldn't allow it. "MC, Jake told us everything. Everything. Would you explain to me why you are with him?” She whispered in my ear. The way she pronounced the word him sent chills down my spine.

I leaned closer to her ear and whispered, "I know what I have to do. Please be on standby, Jessy. You're the only one I trust completely." She loosened her grip, and I broke the hug. She put her hands on my cheeks and wiped my tears from my face with her thumbs. I didn't even realize that I started to cry. She gave me a compassionate smile.

"You can't let him see you cry. You can do it, I'll always have your back. You are so incredibly strong.” She took my hand while saying this.

Jessy looked so innocent and sweet, but when it came to her loved ones, she knew no bounds. When she cast her eyes on Alan, I saw pure hatred blazing in her irises. She hated this man like no other person in this world. I knew she would do anything to help me, and I was beyond grateful for that.

"Listen, I'll try to persuade him that I can meet you. I miss you and I could really use a girls day,” I sighed.

She knew that when I said girls' day, I didn't mean a normal girls' day. We wanted to catch up. I saw that Alan had finished his conversation and was approaching us. He put his arm around my waist. "Hello Jessica," he said cold as a stone.

Jessy rolled her eyes and I spoke to Alan, "Alan, I'd like to go with Jessy. She's on her way home and I haven't had a chance to meet her. I'd just like to have some girl time with her."

He took my chin in his fingers and looked deep into my eyes, scanning me. I sighed softly and my eyes softened, getting the answer I wanted. "Only if you promise to come back. I'm worried, you're not fully recovered."

He drove me crazy with his care. It was his fault that I felt so bad. Take a deep breath, MC! You have to pull yourself together if you want to reach your goal and get back to Jake. Since getting back together with Alan I've had serious problems controlling my temper. Knowing that I was pretending to love the man who put me through all the torture made me frustrated.

"Don't worry, I'm feeling pretty good today and besides, Jessy is with me,” I said shortly. I just couldn't speak long sentences with this man without losing my temper.

Out of the blue he took my face in his hands and kissed me firmly but sweetly on my lips. I kissed him back, I had to keep up my acting. I wanted this kiss to end, but Alan let the kiss deepen. What was the matter with him? I opened my eyes and saw that he was looking to the right. I followed his gaze and my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Jake stood there and his eyes were on us. He didn't even grimace, but there was pure pain in his eyes. His eyes made my heart clench painfully. Alan was really enjoying Jake's suffering and I broke the kiss abruptly. Alan glared at me, but I smiled sheepishly, "Alan, you know I'm not that fond of kissing in public." That was the truth, Jake respected my opinion and wouldn't kiss me in public.

Alan stroked my cheek, "Sorry, my feelings for you took over for a moment."

Fucking liar. I didn't understand what that was about, did he want to see Jake suffer? He didn't seem to realize I saw Jake and I took advantage of that. I kept acting the innocent woman in love with Alan. I said goodbye to Alan and when I turned around, I saw Jessy buying some flowers. She gave me a bunch of my favorite flowers and my eyes shone with joy, "Oh Jessy, that wasn't necessary. Thank you!"

On the way to the carriage, I saw Jake walking towards my father's trade business with his head bowed. He avoided my eye contact, and it broke my heart. I had broken his heart in the worst possible way. I began to have doubts as to whether he would even want me back once I had achieved my goal.

As we got into the carriage my lips started to tremble, Jessy already noticed from the outside of the carriage that I was watching Jake. She put her arm around me, and I let my head rest on her shoulder, exhausted.

"So, I'm waiting for an explanation. I know you know he was behind it all. Why are you with him?" She asked when the carriage took off.

I sighed shakily and tilted my head back. "You're right. I know it and I hate his every touch. Every time his lips touch mine it sends a shiver down my spine. But I have to go through this if I'm going to have a quiet life with Jake.” I pulled the ring out of my corset and held it in my hand, my eyes shining as I looked at it. “The question is if he even wants me back.” I spoke my thoughts out loud.

"Oh, my love, you still love him?” she asked happily. "Everyone thinks you don't love him anymore, including him. He needs to know that!"

"No!" I protested heatedly. "He mustn't be involved, do you hear me? And earlier he walked in the direction of my father's business. Something tells me that my father is helping him on the right path.”

Jessy shook her head, "Don't you want to give him at least a glimmer of hope?" She bit her lip, and I could tell immediately that she was holding back something. I ignored it.

"He doesn't need that, if I judge my parents correctly, they will have already given him hope. And if my assumption is right and my father really helps him to get back on the right path, then it would be more than wrong to involve him in it,” I said while bringing my head back to a normal position and avoiding Jessy's gaze.

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20 notes – Posted November 16, 2022

#4

I'm trying my hand at writing especially for Duskwood Fanfictions. I post Fanfictions on Wattpad and One-Shots here on Tumblr. I'm happy to take requests, if you have a request let me know. Mainly to Duskwood please. I hope you'll like my work. Enjoy!

Wattpad:

Duskwood Fanfictions:

Duskwood - Dark Secrets

Duskwood - Who are you?

Duskwood - Loving A Criminal

Duskwood - Choose or Lose (Sequel to Who are you?)

Duskwood - Dunkle Geheimnisse (German Version of Dark Secrets)

Duskwood - One Shots

Other Stories:

The Betrayal

Tumblr Works:

One-Shots:

Unexpected Reunion (Jake x MC)

Unexpected Reunion - Part Two (Jake x MC)

Unconditional Love (Jake x MC)

Revenge of the Rotten Tomatoes (Request)

You mean like a date? (Thomas x MC)

You are under arrest (Alan x MC)

Collaborations:

Trap of Lies ( Dark AU based in the 1700s)

Rules: No bullying — No rassism — Trigger warning for sensitive topics

25 notes – Postet Oktober 11, 2022

#3

Revenge of the Rotten Tomatoes

A/N: I was asked to turn one of my dreams into a short story. Thanks goes out to @hacked-by-jake Discord Server. The story is just bullshit my brain made up. Enjoy. :)

Words: 694

Requested from: @hacked-by-jake, @itsnotzka, @fem-moony, @julesisreading, @anabellerose96

TW: I don't now, Violence and fighting scenes. xD

I came home from work exhausted. I quickly changed and then went into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. When I wanted to cut the tomatoes, I saw that they were already rotten, "Eww, no tomatoes today." I threw away the tomatoes and ate my sandwich. It was tasty, but the juicy tomato was missing. After I finished the sandwich, I quickly brushed my teeth and then watched some TV while I fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up early to the sound of loud banging noises. I went outside to see what was going on, the first thing I heard was panicked screams. I saw a young woman run past my house and get pierced by a green spike. She screamed, looked at me and asked for my help. I ran to her, and another green spike hit her. She kept running until she eventually fell down and stopped moving.

I wanted to run to her when a green spike grazed my arm. I turned around and couldn't believe what I saw there. I ran back into my house and opened the bin, my tomatoes! They were gone. Those out there were the tomatoes I threw away last night!

My cell phone rang, and I saw Jake's name on my display. I took the call, and I heard a panicked Jake, "MC! I hacked your laptop's camera, I saw the tomatoes leave your trash can and roll out of your house. We must do something. I'm on your doorstep, I have guns with me. Come out, we must save the world. And bring a trash bag!”

I saw that I had several notifications of breaking news that tomatoes were attacking the city. That was real! What have I done?! I hung up and stormed out the front door. He handed me one of his guns and stuffed the trash bag into his backpack. We ran out into the street and there were 6 tomatoes. They turned to us and let themselves roll towards us. Jake yelled, "Dodge!"

Why were they so big? No time to ask questions! Action is appropriate! I shot the first tomato and it popped but it healed on its own. I looked helplessly at Jake, and he shouted, "The stalks! Shoot the stalks!"

I shot the stalks and the first tomato popped and deflated like a burst balloon. The liquid spilled all over the street and I had some of its seeds stuck to my clothes. The other tomatoes got angry, and their green leaves turned into spikes and spun like a circular saw. A thousand green spikes flew at us like mad. I did an air roll and hid behind my house wall.

Jake shot one of the stalks of the tomatoes and the next tomato burst and its liquid ran like a river across the street. I did several air rolls until I was across the street and standing next to Jake. He pressed himself against the wall of the house and with one quick movement he shot the nearest stalk. "Three left," I stated, shooting for the next one.

I shot again and then again. My gun was empty, Jake nodded knowingly and fired at the last tomato. When the last tomato burst, we went to the place where the huge ones were before. There they were, my tomatoes from last night. In their original size and rottenness. Jake pulled the trash bag out of his backpack and held it open while I tossed the tomatoes into the trash bag. One of them tried to bite me, but I managed to throw it in the trash bag.

Jake tied the garbage bag shut and I stepped on the bag with all my might and crushed the tomatoes. We went home and showered after this adventure. In the evening we invited the others and we all sat together around a cozy campfire. I threw the tomatoes on the fire and let them burn there so nothing like this could ever happen again. We talked and laughed, but there was something we didn't know.

We forgot to throw away one tomato.

It was still out there...

34 notes – Posted November 20, 2022

#2

Unexpected Reunion - Part Two

A/N: I promised a second part and here it is. If you haven't read the first part, you can find it here.

Words: 2.429

TW: Sexual Content!

"I'm so incredibly sorry, MC," he said.

I got up abruptly but didn't turn around. I balled my hands into fists and hung my head while my lips trembled. My heart was racing, was it really him? I had never heard that voice in my entire life. Who else could it be, only he had a reason to be sorry. I turned around and two metallic blue eyes looked at me. His jet-black hair hung in his face, but it didn't seem to bother him. He was wearing a black hoodie with a leather jacket, his hood pulled low over his face. His hair was blowing in the wind, he was soaked from the rain just like me. How long had he followed me that he was so wet from the rain? My heart ached as he smiled. He had fooled me for four years. I didn't return his smile, I was too hurt. His smile faded and regret flashed in his eyes.

My vision blurred, I looked into his eyes and asked, "Jake?" He nodded and I saw tears forming in his eyes. He was about to say something, but I cut him off, angry. "So, you're telling me you've been alive for four years? And it didn't occur to you to leave me any sign of life? And if it's one of your fucking riddles with an encrypted message! You know I would have kept it to myself if you had asked me to! Shit, I'm standing here in front of your grave, but you're standing in front of me!"

He took a step toward me, but I backed off. He wanted to grab my hand, but I pulled it away. "Don't touch me," I hissed. He looked down, hurt, but I wasn't done with him. "Lilly dropped the bombshell and her parents got divorced! I was in touch with your mate, he was devastated! I was devastated! Hannah blames herself for your death! Lilly wanted so badly to meet her big brother, but you didn't let her! I blamed the others for your death! Jessy is still trying to reach me until today! Do you have any idea what kind of grief your death caused?! The whole group broke! Happy Hannah no longer exists! They've already lost Richy, they accepted you as a friend! I HATE YOU!"

Jake seemed to have had enough because he yelled back. "NO! Don't you dare say you hate me! Five minutes ago, you said something else! I looked after you for four damn years," he quieted down when he realized I was letting him talk. "Alan told the FBI you were in contact with me. They wanted to arrest you, shit you just wanted to help. I had to distract them from you somehow. When I found out that Hannah was safe, I knew I had to go. Yes, I almost died. They found the hoodie because I took it off because it was unbearably warm in the mine. I made it to the exit I told you about in time. I jumped at the chance when the FBI thought I was dead. I don't know how, but they figured out I survived. So, they tried to contact you. I hacked into your laptop and blocked all ways for them to reach you. The same game with your phone. After that, I drew their attention to me. I hacked into their database and left obvious traces. So, you were no longer their target, you could live freely."

I started crying, he had sacrificed his safety for me. "But you couldn't live freely anymore." He shook his head. "You were worth it to me and still are," he said shyly. "What do you mean still?" I asked shocked. "I'm still not safe, but I made a false lead. Don't be mad at me, but with Nym-Os I always had access to your phone and also your location. As I said before, I've watched over you for four years. Took care of you. Made sure you're safe. For the last three years I have always been here with you at the cemetery." He gulped hard and a tear ran down his cheek. "It was incredibly difficult for me not to run up to you and take you in my arms. I was constantly afraid that if I approached you, I would put you in danger. I had never managed to lay a false trail that lasted longer. Now I've finally managed to do it and I swore to myself to speak to you. To explain everything to you. I hated that you fell into deep depression because of me and my actions. I can understand if you want nothing more to do with me, but I wanted to explain everything to you. I'm so incredibly sorry."

I raised my arms to interrupt him. "Stop trying to get pity from me. Thank you for the explanation, but I will never be able to forgive you. I can't thank you enough for keeping me safe, but at the same time you broke me. I wish you the best of luck in your life, you deserve only the best despite your actions. Goodbye, Jake."

He let his hands hang down and just nodded. He looked down dejectedly as I turned away from him and left the cemetery. Shivering, I buttoned up my jacket and crossed my arms across my belly. I quickly ran back to the motel as it started to rain heavily. "Why did I leave my umbrella in the car," I cursed at myself. I could already see the motel and a relieved smile spread across my face. I was looking forward to getting into my warm motel room.

"MC!" someone shouted through the rain. No, he didn't actually follow me. I picked up my pace, my teeth chattering so cold I was. I've been in the rain in the cold for far too long. "MC!!"The voice was closer, my heart started racing. It was Jake, now I could definitely confirm it. I didn't know why, but my body decided to run. "Wait please! MC!" His voice broke my heart.

I kept running but strong arms pulled me back by my hand and he turned me around. "What do you want?" I yelled at him with tears in my eyes. He didn't say anything, he cupped my face in his hands and pulled me up to him. He leaned down slightly and pressed his lips firmly to mine. This contact triggered a firework of emotions in me. I didn't hesitate and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I couldn't suppress my feelings and smiled into the kiss. The kiss became feverish, we couldn't get enough of each other. The taste of his lips mixed with the rain and my salty tears.

He pushed himself against me and I backed up until I was stopped by a pillar. He pressed me firmly against the pillar and my breathing became shallower and I felt warm all of a sudden. His hands traveled up and down my waist and my hands found their way into his hair. I moaned softly as his hand slipped under my sweater. "Wait," I whispered into the kiss, pushing him slightly away from me. He looked at me in disappointment and I couldn't help but giggle. "Let's go inside, I prefer it private."

We walked into the motel and the receptionist just rolled her eyes and put her headphones back in. I pulled Jake by my hand until we got to my motel room. I turned to him, smiling, but he looked at me doubtfully. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, "No, but I'm sorry about what just happened down there. I didn't mean to force you into anything. I don't even know that about myself, that I'm so so so..."

I walked up to him with a genuine smile, "So wild and passionate?" He nodded silently, he continued to look at me doubtfully, but his eyes gave him away. Pure lust flashed in them. "Who says you forced me? If I remember correctly, I just returned your passion," I purred.

"I just don't want you to regret it. I want to prove to you that I really love you. I don't want you to think that I'm an asshole." Again, he looked depressed to the ground, only now do I see how sorry he was about all this. I walked up to him, cupped his chin in my fingers and looked lovingly into his eyes. "Prove it by giving yourself to me."

He didn't need to be told twice, shortly afterwards I felt his lips on mine again. I took off his leather jacket and he took off my jacket. We stumbled across the room until my legs reached the bed and he gave me a little push, so I fell onto the bed, back first. He immediately climbed onto me and slipped a leg between my legs, making me moan.

He kissed an imaginary line down my neck. When he got to the collar of my sweater he growled in frustration. He took off my sweater, I did the same and took off his hoodie. Our hands conquered each other's bodies, we didn't want to miss an inch. He kissed down on me, when he got to my waistband, he unbuttoned my jeans and slowly pulled them off me. His hands caress along my legs. He kissed my thighs, I looked down at him for a brief moment and our eyes met.

I caught my breath as I looked into his eyes, full of desire and admiration. A flash of joy shot through my whole body and the butterflies in my belly went crazy. When he pressed his lips to mine again, I helped him pull his jeans off. It wasn't long before we were lying completely naked on top of each other.

When he entered me, it was all over with me. I tilted my head back and dug my nails into his back. Every time he almost pulled out of me, I wanted to pull him back to me. Once he was fully inside me again, I didn't want to let him go. This feeling made me moan louder with each of his thrusts. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him as close to me as possible. He brought us both to the climax and we lay on top of each other, breathing heavily.

He gave me a soft kiss and rolled off me to enclose me in his arms. My heart was beating way too fast, and I was on cloud nine. I gave him a quick kiss on his chest and inhaled his scent. His regular deep breathing made me fall into a deep sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I was afraid to open my eyes. Afraid that Jake was gone or that it was all just a dream. But shortly afterwards I felt a hand on my cheek that gently stroked me. I couldn't help but grin and kissed his hand. "Don't stop touching me."

He kissed my forehead, and I slowly opened my eyes. There he lay looking at me lovingly with a big smile on his face. But his smile faded and so did mine. "You have to go back, don't you?" He nodded and I could see him trying to swallow the lump in his throat. I thought for a moment and then voiced my thoughts, "Take me with you."

"No, MC. That's too dangerous. I don't want to endanger you unnecessarily." I sat up abruptly and glared at him, "Who says it's your choice? I want to go with you!" We argued for ages, at one point Jake challenged me, "Give me one reason why you would want to sacrifice your safety for me?"

"Because I love you! There you have it! I love you!" He seemed speechless, doubts overcame me. "You... you don't love me?" His head snapped at me, and I forgot to breathe, pure determination in his eyes. "Don't you ever question my love for you again!" He said slowly and his voice was deep, he was angry. I swallowed hard, "Jake please. I've been without you for four years. Please don't do it to me again."

He got up abruptly and got dressed, I looked at him sadly. I guess he really didn't want me around. My lips trembled and my vision became blurry. He cupped my chin in his fingers and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, smiling cheekily. "It's nice to see you naked, but if you're going to run off with me, you'd better get dressed."

A wide smile spread across my face. I got up to get some fresh clothes when he suddenly pushed me against the wall. "I just can't control myself in your presence, we still have a few hours. We should enjoy them." I nodded and he pressed me even tighter against the wall, leaning against me from behind. I groaned as he entered me from behind. I loved his passion and how wild he got during sex. At the same time, I loved how shy he was when we talked normally.

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57 notes – Posted Oktober 20, 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Unconditional Love

TW: Sexual Content

Words: 1,732

A/N: I tried my best at writing fluff. It's not my best work, but here it is. It was requested by @julesisreading 🧡

Before I left the gym, I checked my phone one more time. No new messages. I hated showering at the gym so I saved the shower for at home. I got in my little car and drove home. I parked in the residents' lot and entered the apartment building. I cursed myself for doing leg day today, walking up five more floors afterwards was just hell. I unlocked the door to the apartment and flopped onto the couch, groaning in exhaustion.

As my pulse and breathing calmed down again, I listened and heard the fast typing on the keyboard from the next room. He asked me not to disturb him, he had been in there for three days now and when he left the room it was only to go to the bathroom. We also didn't talk if we should meet during his walk to the bathroom. I'd like to know what he was doing in there, but he said it was just because of his work. He worked for the FBI now, but he's never been this busy.

It was pretty late at night so I made myself something to eat and sat on the couch and watched the live stream from the Aurora. My favorite band performed there today, but unfortunately I couldn't be there. I lay down on the sofa and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I was covered with a pillow under my head. A bottle of water sat on the living room table with a small note, "I love you."

Even if he was distant at the moment because of his work, he always left his love for me. He knew I loved those little gestures. I didn't need huge bouquets of roses or any chocolates. I was grateful that he had put the pillow under my head otherwise I would have a stiff neck now.

I noticed that I was still wearing my gym clothes. "Ew, that's gross," I said in disgust, sprinting to the bathroom. I wrapped myself in a towel and as I exited the bathroom I noticed that it was unusually quiet in here. I walked slowly and quietly into the bedroom and a love-struck grin crept onto my lips. Jake lay in bed asleep, he didn't even get to cover himself up, he was so tired.

I quietly opened the closet and quickly dug out some clothes. I tucked Jake in and placed a light kiss on his forehead. He didn't notice any of this and went on sleeping. I giggled softly when I saw him snuggling into the blanket. I slipped quietly into the bathroom and got dressed, I made two toasts and drank a coffee. After that I brushed my teeth. Shortly thereafter, my cell phone rang and I internally cursed not to have put it on silent.

I quickly ran to my phone and when I read the name, I growled, "Phil."

I took the call, "What do you want Phil?"

He chuckled, "Why are you in such a bad mood? You know I could have gotten a seat for you last night."

"Phil," I said firmly, feeling a presence behind me. This name literally summoned him. "Thanks for the offer, but I know you would want me to work for you if I had accepted the offer. And we all know you don't need any help."

"Who says that?" he asked in his flirty voice.

"I'll say that. I've been watching you, you're anything but overwhelmed at work. You're rather underwhelmed, you just want me there to let the female guests flirt with you more. And you want to use me to brag. "

"And who says that?" he asked a bit annoyed.

"You, drunk," I giggled into the phone. I felt two arms wrap around my waist and try to possess me like I was being taken away from him. He kissed my neck and let me exhale heavily. I tried to stifle a groan as he ran a hand over my breast.

I tried to hang up but he kept me on the phone. That was probably my punishment for accepting the call in the first place. But I didn't let such a punishment escape me. I enjoyed his touch and closed my eyes as he smiled at my neck since I wasn't wearing a bra. He twisted and tugged at my nipples, almost making me mewl.

His hand slipped under my top, exposing one of my breasts. He stood in front of me and closed his mouth around my nipple and his tongue drove my nipple mad. He crouched down a bit because I was a bit smaller than him. He looked me in the eyes from below and my breath caught. I threw my head back. It was only seconds, but it was wonderful to finally feel his contact again.

I was about to groan when Phil's voice snapped me out of my ecstasy, "It was a pity you weren't there, the others missed you too. It's a real pity you live on another continent."

"I thought it was a pity too," I immediately put my hand to my mouth. I sounded totally horny and my voice was deep with lust.

Jake smiled and nibbled on my nipple and I squeaked softly. "Everything ok?" asked Phil.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I... um... I have to... hang up now." My breathing quickened as his hands slid to my waistband.

"Okay? Goodbye."

Without saying goodbye, I hung up and glared at the man in front of me. He got up and I knew he just wanted to play. I immediately put on a frustrated face as he covered my breast in my top again.

"Jake! You can't do that," I whined.

"Watch me," he said walking back to his office. I laughed mockingly and he immediately stopped. He didn't move. The game can begin. I grinned cheekily, but when he turned around I put on a disappointed expression.

"Oh, don't worry about me. Go back to your cave." He scanned me from head to toe, trying to find a flaw in my changed behavior.

Inside I laughed evilly. I knew how high the risk is that he will either get mad at me after my next sentence or if he will pounce on me and show me his love.

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68 notes – Posted November 6, 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[wetbloodworm]

my three self-insert-adjacent kids! love the symmetrical ruler. charlie’s eyes are so fucking big here, this was supposed to be a little stylized/exaggerated and they DO have big eyes but my god. it’s too late i’m not going back and fixing them

anyway, talking about them all under the cut

i haven't talked about them HERE yet is the thing so here we fucking go. i think this first post will primarily be origins plus design talk, and i'll reblog this another time with personality discussion.

so as we know, charlie started off purely as my avatar to use in video games, when i wanted to play a game the way I'D make decisions without actually playing myself. so like first runs for new games before i get into 'okay now i understand this universe and want to make an OC that actually fits' territory or 'okay now i want to play this other OC in this universe' territory. my first design for them was this doll maker thing below from 2018!

i don't know where their heterochromia went and i'm a bit too attached to the blue eyes now but i've been considering bringing it back. it's a fun design. but, again, going back to their original purpose as VG Kid, not every character creator is going to let me give them different colored eyes, so that's challenging. HOWEVER... i did venture away from that somewhat. charlie has grown into their own thing outside of a simple stand-in for myself. a lot of their growth started with playing them in outer worlds and cyberpunk, as i started developing them for AUs for those worlds. nowadays i do still see charlie as kind of a self-insert, but more than anything they're just a kid of mine.

here's some older art of them!

drawn in 2019, these are the first saved drawings i have of charlie. the intention behind these was that i wanted to make some comics about experiences i've had without just drawing myself, and charlie made sense to do for that. i never ended up actually trying out that project but! charlie got their start here. the three-dot freckles were there from the start. despite the monochrome palette here, they were intended to have brown hair like i do, which is why charlie's hair is naturally brown and they just bleach it. REALLY weird seeing them with tits tbh but again, they were just a stand-in here, and i had tits at the time, though in the first one they're wearing a binder.

drawn in 2020, getting a bit closer to their current design. once i added color i immediately forgot the heterochromia in favor of the bright blue eyes. their outfit is supposed to be reminiscent of a sunflower here but i like that i'm associating them with yellow this early on.

feb 2021, basically charlie's current design here! plus sunny, their crimesona in gta au. i got rid of the ombre tips and visible roots pretty quick for simplicity's sake. the arrangement of their ear piercings changes all the time because i constantly forget if it's two up top or two on the bottom, but the piercings aren't Critical to their design imo.

moving onto parker and the first time i drew them

march 2021, drawn as a companion piece to a cyberpunk charlie headshot i did. i can't exactly pin down when/why i made them, though their creation came shortly before my second run of cyberpunk and i found comments i made about them accidentally being 2P charlie. so since that's an early idea i had that i ran with, that's bascially their start. it's fine. anyway yeah parker is 2P charlie, meaning i used charlie as a base of reference and went the 'opposite' in a lot of traits. they were also intended early on as being a possible video game second run kid, like i did with them in cyberpunk.

their design hasn't changed too much from the start. short black hair, deeper/darker blue eyes than charlie, same eye bags that charlie had gotten by that point. resting sad face.

they got lip and eyebrow piercings here, though that's also something i forget to add sometimes.

see, forgot the piercings here, though this is hunger games AU so i can argue that they'd be less likely to get them at that age/in that situation? anyway. the strands of hair around their ears turned into those little tufts at some point.

finally, rhys!

rhys went through some design changes, which we'll get into. they were intended as a 3P charlie from the start, which has... more nebulous rules than a 2P kid, in my mind. basically rhys is still a self-insert, but while charlie became more idealized, rhys is more... average? rhys is just a dude. charlie's very much a protag, while rhys is intended to be closer to a normal person. as well as having more of a balance of my positive and negative traits, where charlie gets mostly positive and parker get a lot of negative. i also made rhys to smooch the daycare attendant in fnaf security breach so there's that bit of lore.

ANYWAY design! moving away from blue eyes to gray, since mine have been described as both. rhys was also more masc-presenting to start, and had been further along their T journey.

emphasized the little bit of hair at the top more, still keeping the facial hair at this point but getting a feel for their style. which IS similar to charlie's, but less likely to show skin. rhys is also more likely to be seen in regular-ass clothes with a few wild outfits thrown in. i consider charlie a fashion kid where rhys just has a couple Fun Looks, y'know?

decided i didn't like the short hair so started trying out longer hair. they also got the hair tufts by the ears here. can't get away from drawing hair tufts, they're just FUN DESIGN

and got rid of the facial hair here. it was partly because it wasn't fitting in this particular drawing for me, and also because i decided i wanted rhys to more follow my transition journey rather than be ahead of it. i'll experiment with them more as things go along for me.

that's all that i had to comment on re: design, again i'll reblog this sometime with personality discussion

[chazi-lastname]

((Fun Fact: This is actually attempt two at posting this. Please, Arceus, let us remember to save as a draft this time eeeeee))

Ahem, Learposting.

So let's continue this crazy ride by posting the rest of the doodles on asavt's whiteboard (we finally taught ourselves how to spell yer name lol)

ignore the line plz we have no idea how that got there we think we accidentally drew it trying to scroll, fergitting there is a move tool fer a reason

also we know we posted the "i love my lame ass boyfriend" one before but we like the finished version sm lol

LOOK at their crowns.

Sidenote: we went insane trying to figure out was RLS meant not realizin' it means one of the things we're literally hyperfixated on right now (RoyalLectureShipping) (acronyms are our autism weakness fer real fr)

.

Speaking of, our two silly royallecture arts (There will be plenty more dw dw):

These are the first two times we drew Cheren since like... we have no idea lol (actually not that long ago since we only played black, maybe like 3 or 4 years ago, and we are only just now starting our pokemon white 2 playthrough as of a few days ago...)(but like, our art style is so much different now than it was even a year ago.....

OUR POINT being that we were still figurin' out how to draw him lol the whiteboard doodles helped us establish an artstyle fer him

Anyway!!

We WILL post our ship headcanons as a different post lol we're making our own "understand my ship" meme because all of the premade ones aren't feral enough for our liking lol

Gosh though, Royallecture or not, now that we've figured out an artstyle fer Cheren, that silly is gettin' DRAWN!!!!!!!!!!

.

BUT CHAZI!!!!!!

Aren't you fergittin' 'bout the other two of the Pasio trio? WRONG!!!!

We just haven't been able to establish an artstyle fer them just yet.

The only finished art we have of Rachel and Sawyer is this one of their younger versions. Here, we imagine they are somethin' like Rachel: 10, Lear: 13, Sawyer: 25. We headcanon their present ages to be Rachel: 20, Lear: 23, Sawyer: 35. ((Ofc thats just headcanon lol pokemon won't give information on things like ages and last names so we do it ourselves lol we don' argue headcanons lol that's dumb))

.

And now we blast to the past (chazi, it has been like 2 months tops, chill) with the very first arts we drew of Lear:

Before he became the Interdemensional Donut Prince we know him as now.

We couldn't figure out how to draw his dumb ass hair style at first lol. That one with the bright colours. We shall redraw it cuz eeeee bright colours are our jam.

.

And the final one (drum roll please)

We made this, ignore the watermark, not realizing you need to actually use references to replicate an art style. WHO KNEW RIGHT?@!1!!!1

Anyway, we are making note here that we are forcing our friend, definitely not at gunpoint, to make Lear's voice into a Friday Night Funkin chromatic. This will be amazing. We will be so normal when its done.

.

And with that, you have reached an end to this crazy scene. Little do you know it is only the beginnin' of a descent into madness.

.

Now, get out of our room and show this planet what hot shit do!

Various Learpostin'. A gallery of Lear, aka the Interdemensional Donut Prince, arts we have made since we started this new hyperfixation (Since August). Arts that either are not finished er otherwise couldn' make the cut ta qualify fer their own posts.

Also referred to as....

An art dump.

[Warning: Autistic person's headcanons will be mentioned maybe]

Startin' off....

Spamton And Lear glasses swap:

Spamton was our previous big big hyperfixation befer Lear lol yall missed the days of Amino and Spamcember. Don't worry though. He's comin' back soon. #KromerKlub

So, we maaaaaay have a type, of sorts, fer arrogant, long-haired, silly guys wit' big dumb glasses that hide their traumatized eyes. Jus' a hunch.

.

Whatever this is:

Kitter Lear we dunno lol he so very silly like look at his fluff.

.

Idp with and without his signature shades:

His glasses are prescription lol he can see kiiiinda wit'out them, but definitely cannot read wit'out 'em.

He's also sleep deprived as hell lol

We could info dump about exactly why all that is but lets just put it at:

He inherited them from his mother. (Yes we have headcanons and backstory from characters that don't even have canonical names dont @ us lmaoooooo)

(When To Be A King, The Full Story is finally posted on Ao3, you'll know)

.

Oh yeah, that reminds us. Yes, the hyperfixation grew to fanfiction too. The only other one who got to that point was Spamton himself (Was never posted though)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58954147

(To Be A King by Chazoul47)

Here, have fun. The funni full story is also being worked on slowly and surely (prologue is posted but thats all)

Aryararara if you see this, you're the silly fanfic friend, help us know if we did good lolololol oh god oh fuck anxiety go brrrrr so lets continue on this post

.

All of the Lear doodles we made on THE whiteboard by asavt (please please we swear to lord arceus that we can remember how to spell yer name aaaaaaa):

(thank you asavt fer puttin up wit' us <3)

WAIT! NEVERMIND!!!!!! not all cuz tumblr is homophobic and won't let us post more than 10 images lol /silly

THIS WILL CONTINUE IN THE NEXT POST THEN REEEEEEEEEE

(after work though/on break/you'll see it again whenever it happens)

[tsintotwo]

(Part 4/4)

(Earlier: Parts 1, 2, and 3)

Okay, finally getting to the 4th and last post talking about Tom Sturridge in his projects. There's not too much left to say as these are mostly cameos.

Vanity Fair (2004)- This was the first movie Tom was in as a grownup (edit: nope, this was the 2nd)- in period clothing (and looking like a million bucks, as you would suspect). Screentime: 2min. You can tell he's still finding his footing in all this. But he's got the it factor already.

Journey's End (2017)- Movie about Brit soldiers stuck in trenches waiting for death during WW2. Sam Claffin and Paul Bettany are in this and I recognized neither before seeing credits 🤦‍♀️ Anyway, Tom plays a bad soldier: drinks and girls are his forte, fighting- not so much. His character is in this movie to basically show the bone-chilling, hope-crushing, cruelly pointless side of wars. He uses his 3/4 scenes to drive that point home like a master. There's one super emotionally charged scene with Sam that sears into the mind- they both absolutely chew it up.

Song to Song (2017)- Tom being in this movie is just the most RANDOM thing in the world, guys. Song to Song is about the music industry and rockstar life, and Tom shows up for like 2mins to play Ryan Gosling's hometown farmland brother of all things??? Wut. 2 lines of dialogue. Cute hair, tho. Cute everything.

Hello Apartment (2018)- Slice-of-life short film about how we all leave our mark in the spaces we move through. Dakota Fanning made this and asked Tom to be in it- they've been friends since doing Effie Gray. Tom is MC's stormy bf- a bit of kissing, a bit of pouting, a bit of shouting. Worth it. (Aside: some STUNNING shots in this, kudos to Dakota). This is on youtube.

That's it, actually. Only movie of Tom's I haven't gotten to is Junkhearts (2011). It's on Amazon Prime for $4 which is worth it, but it seems like an intense movie and I'll take a break before trying to watch this one.

A significant part of Tom's career has been theater work. From what I've gathered, seems like he's done some phenomenal work there- both in UK and US. Got cool awards and noms. Of course, if your play isn't Hamilton, it doesn't get to be on any screen, so there's no way to see any of those now. The one I'm most gutted about is 1984 (2017) on Broadway. I love the og classic by George Orwell, and by all accounts this adaptation/interpretation was banging (AND controversial!). Tom playing a role like Winston Smith... I'd have loved it so fuckin much * screaming-into-pillow break*

How does Tom choose his projects?

"The first thing I’m drawn to is a piece of writing, to an author, to a director. Weirdly, it’s rarely a character. I want to work with people or with texts that push me and make me learn things that I think I can’t do. Because if I think I can do it, then I can’t surprise myself. And if I can’t surprise myself, then I’m definitely not going to surprise an audience." -Tom for Interview magazine, 2022

Why does he often do troubles characters?

"... I think what I’m attracted to is being able to explore a spectrum of emotion. It’s easier to find comedy in something sad than it is to find darkness in something funny. I can be all kinds of people when the darkness is there. Also, the first character I ever played onstage was a boy who murders all of his schoolmates [in Punk Rock]. I do think there’s something to be said by, “You get stuck in a gorge that you start with.” People have always gone, “Oh, yeah. He’s the fucked-up guy.” - same

Here's something about me: I love falling in love with men on silver screen. It's the only space where it's okay to be in love with a version of someone you made in your head because you're not going to know any other version. The only space you get to channel your feelings six ways to Sunday: write posts, write stories, draw, make any art- people will actually celebrate those (whereas try talking to your friend about a new irl crush for five days straight, on the sixth they'll smack you upside your head). The feelings are intense because these men are deliberately performing for you, the emotions forever unsullied because they're not gonna come hurt you (unless they're being cancelled lol). And they're all the finest specimens! So, yeah, I love it, and it happens periodically. What's rarer, tho, is that I get attracted to an actor's whole personality. I mean, like, all of these hot men are hella charming, and you can yassify almost anyone based on interview moments. But, idk, it doesn't always click with me, and I love a character, ship a couple, then move on. Tom, tho, is going to be one of those 2/3 permanent ones. I just find him interesting which to me, is the thing. (And also, he turned out to be one of those rare people in life who lets you know things about yourself that you didn't know before. Huh. Who knew?) And yeah, okay, he's very hot and insanely talented which started this whole intense phase but while this won't last, a genuine fondness and love will. He has a place in my heart forever. It's been such a good time discovering him that I'm legit grateful to the universe.

I'll do a bonus post with links to Tom interviews/vids/ stuff that are worth checking out. Until then, guys.

[rhysismydaddy]

Prisoner's Game Pt. 1 (Rowaelin)

Synopsis: Aelin Galathynius never thought of herself as a vengeful woman. Until her boyfriend not only testifies, but leads a case against her that lands her in prison for the rest of her life. Post I-Love-You's. He didn't believe her, and she's about to show him that not only is she innocent, he made the worst mistake of his life betting against her. To a woman with nothing but time, life's just a game, after all.

The cinderblock wall dug into her back uncomfortably as she reclined against it, the air in the room was stale, and she hadn't showered in two days. By any measurement, Aelin Galathynius was far from her best.

And yet she somehow managed to look perfectly at ease--happy even--as she lounged in her cell, toying with the ends of her too-long hair.

It was a ruse, of course, just a little trick to piss off the man currently stomping into her space. By the flare of Rowan Whitehorn's eyes, it worked.

"Hello, Rowan," she greeted pleasantly, giving him a little smile and acting like it wasn't taking everything in her not to use the makeshift knife under her pillow to gut him like the spineless coward he was.

She could tell, even across her 8x12 cell, that he was gritting his teeth and fighting a similar action.

The heel of his expensive Italian loafers clicked as he walked across the space to the small table and took a seat at the steel chair in front of it. He tried to push it out further, but stopped when he realized it was bolted to the floor.

"Aelin," he said back, none of the so-obvious anger he was feeling present in his voice. "Been a long time."

Eight years, six months, three weeks, two days, and thirteen hours.

Not that she was counting or anything.

She nodded her agreement, reclining further on the bed and crossing her legs as if she was in the finest dress she owned, not a faded orange jumpsuit.

"What brings you to my side of town, Rowan? Here to finally switch sides and represent me?"

Dressed in a two-thousand dollar suit and tie, hair perfectly gelled back, he looked like he was successful a lawyer meeting with a wealthy client, but they both knew the last thing he'd ever do was work for her.

"You know why I'm here."

She did indeed, but she still said, "I must be exceptionally smart to know why you've come all the way here-"

"Cut the shit," he snapped, finally losing a bit of his cool. He regained it quickly, though, and continued, "I want to know how you did it."

She frowned at her split ends. "Did what?"

Rowan waited until she looked at him to respond. "You know what."

Sighing so deeply it should've rattled the walls, she said, "I can't believe I've spent the last eight years thinking you underestimated my intelligence. You clearly think I'm some sort of oracle genius."

Rowan mimicked her sigh, and she bit her lip to stifle a laugh.

Probably trying to stall, he spent a moment looking at her cell, at the completely bare walls and lack of photographs. All she had was the tally marks drawn in pencil on one wall and a dusty chess set sitting on the table.

When he'd taken inventory of those two things, he sat and just looked at her.

It was clear she wouldn't admit to knowing exactly why he sat in front of her, and he was simply putting off being the one to fold.

Predictable, proud little man.

Eventually, he took his loss and said, "I want to know how you managed to rob me from inside the most secure prison in Rifthold."

She smiled, a full, undulated smile she hadn't used in a long time.

She'd been planning this moment since the day the bars had locked behind her, and it felt damn good to finally see it come to fruition.

According to what she'd heard, definitely not what she knew from personal experience, the private vault in Rowan's apartment had been broken into. Apparently, only one thing was missing: an antique dagger that had been handed down in the family and was now worth over a million bucks.

"Why do you think it was me?" she asked, still smiling.

He gritted his teeth some more, and she internally snickered at the idea he'd have permanent tooth damage because of her. Something else to remember her by.

Green eyes spitting flames at her, he growled, "You left a goddamn business card."

Aelin forced her eyes up to the empty bed above her head, trying her hardest not to laugh. "Maybe I'm being framed?"

"Your fingerprints were on it."

She did laugh then, then laughed some more when his eyes narrowed. He looked like he was about to strangle her. "Rowan, in case you haven't noticed, I'm incarcerated."

She gestured around them to her cell to prove her point.

The bastard just smiled.

Of course he knows that, she thought bitterly, forcing her hand back to her lap and away from where it'd started to creep toward the pillow.

"So how would I rob you?" she asked, getting her mind back on track.

"That's what you're going to tell me," he demanded angrily. "I want to know how you got out of here, got all the way across Rifthold, broke into my apartment, and stole from me without any surveillance camera picking it up."

Aelin ran a hand through her hair, fluffing it just right. When she caught sight of the impatience on his face, she fluffed it some more and readjusted the thin jacket on her shoulders.

It was always too damn cold in this place. She hadn't been warm in almost nine years.

Because of him.

Just for that, she fluffed her hair some more.

Then she said simply, "I didn't."

"Stop lying!" he shouted at her, eyes flashing.

She wasn't, but that was besides the point.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes like he'd won. "I got my cousin to-"

"Aedion spent the night in Wendlyn. His travel is verified, and there are at least a hundred eye witnesses that witnessed him singing karaoke all night. Stop. Fucking. Lying."

Once again, she wasn't lying.

Aedion sure as hell hadn't been in Wendlyn last night. She'd just wanted to make sure his alibi was air-tight as planned.

Sighing again, she asked, "Rowan, even if I did do it, why the hell would I tell you about it?"

His jaw worked for a moment, and she could tell whatever he was about to say was difficult for him. "I'll get time off your sentence if you tell me what you've done with it."

She tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it.

It burst out of her, full and uncontrollable, and she flopped over on the dirty mattress and howled for a good few minutes.

He glared at her, looking for all the world like he was experiencing a portion of the rage she was made of, but regardless of the threat in his eyes, she took her time composing herself.

"I'm serving ten consecutive life sentences, you idiot."

One for each and every one of her "victims."

"I'll make it nine," he offered generously.

"Even if I was a cat, that'd still leave me dying in a prison cell. Offer me something else."

He just glared at her, unwilling to give her anything she could actually use or want. Just like she'd expected.

"That's what I thought. So no, Rowan Whitehorn, I'm not accepting your little deal. You can think I robbed you all you want; hell, you can even know, in your famous gut, that I did it." She tilted her head, a cruel smile filling her lips. "But it isn't about what you believe, it's about what you can prove. Isn't that right?"

His eyes shuttered at the words, and just like that, they were sucked into the memory of all those years ago.

~Eight years ago~

~Rowan~

Rowan rolled over, edging away from the woman next to him carefully as to not wake her.

Her hair was spread out on his chest, her soft hand was on his stomach, and her leg was draped over his. By all accounts, she was all over him.

And it felt so fucking good.

He'd never met anyone like Aelin before. Anyone so full of life, so hilariously open.

It was like she was constantly on fire, flitting from one place to the next with endless energy and jabs about him being too old and slow.

"What are you going?" she murmured, nails digging in slightly to keep him where he was.

"To get some water. Go back to sleep."

He leaned down and kissed her brow, and she sighed happily and rolled over. Like a total cliché, he watched her sleep for a moment, trying to get his feelings under control.

They'd been seeing each other for less than a year, but he couldn't imagine his life without her. He was in love with her, and if the way she acted and smiled around him was any indication, she loved him, too.

He ran a thumb over her cheekbone, smiling when she tilted her face into his touch.

He was whipped, and he didn't even care.

Rowan shook his head at himself, pulled on a pair of boxers, padded to the kitchen, and held a glass under the faucet.

Then frowned as it sputtered.

He figured he'd at least make himself useful, knowing damn well she would never agree to call the plumber when she could "figure out how to fix it herself on Youtube."

So he knelt down in her kitchen and opened the cabinet door, trying to see what the problem with the pipe was.

Except he never got that far.

His eyes got stuck on the piece of paper sticking out under a false piece of wood covering the back panel.

Knowing it was wrong to pry but somehow unable to stop himself, he tugged the paper loose.

Then fell backwards to his ass, heart hammering and brain spinning as he read it over and over again.

The list of names wasn't long, but all ten of the people on it were highly distinguished members of society.

And they were all dead.

He wouldn't know that, since the death of the last person on the list wasn't even public record yet, but he was the attorney working with the police to find the killer.

Why did she have this list?

And what did the numbers next to the names mean?

One way or another, he knew he had to find out. He also knew he couldn't ask her. He was in too deep, too unbiased to know whether or not she was lying.

He didn't trust himself with her, so he'd have to go the traditional route.

He took a picture of the paper quickly, tucking it back where he'd found it. He snuck back in the room to get dressed, leaving her a note he had to go to work.

He thought he was going to be sick as he left her apartment, a feeling suspiciously similar to dread coiling in his stomach.

There was only one way she could know that last name, only one explanation that made sense.

But he had to know for sure. Had to know if he'd been an idiot this past year; an idiot who'd spent almost every night sleeping next to the killer he'd been searching for.

So he started investigating his girlfriend.

Six days later, he found the security deposit boxes and the murder weapons inside, still covered in dried blood that would be matched to the victims. All with Aelin's prints on them.

Two days after that, the woman he'd thought was the love of his life was arrested on ten counts of murder.

Despite the tears she shed, despite the promises she made to him, despite the love she claimed to have for him, Rowan told the cops everything.

Even though he couldn't imagine her killing anyone.

"It doesn't matter what I believe, it matters what I can prove."

That was the last thing he'd said to her, right as she was being dragged out of the court room and yelling at him to believe her.

The truth of the matter was that when it came down to it, he didn't trust her enough. The facts were against her, everyone on the jury had been against her, and in the end, Rowan was too.

~Present~

~Aelin~

Rowan shook his head, almost like he needed to clear it from the memory they'd obviously both been immersed in, and she smiled.

She hoped what happened all those years ago still haunted him, hoped he went to sleep at night thinking about her and the betrayal he'd served to her on a silver platter.

The first year of her sentence, she was so lost in emotion--in the rage and confusion and deep, deep hurt--that she couldn't bring herself to do anything.

He hadn't even bothered to ask her first. That's what had hurt the worst.

He'd seen that stupid, stupid list and had jumped to the first conclusion possible.

She knew it had looked bad, had looked like she was guilty, but she'd thought that if the worst happened, he'd at least ask her to explain before slapping the cuffs on her.

But he hadn't. She'd gone to prison, and his career had exploded into stardom from the success of the case.

"See, Rowan, when you refused to accept any other explanation other than the easy one, you made a mistake. Because I didn't kill those people."

He rolled his eyes. "Aelin-"

"And I'm not only going to prove it," she continued as if he hadn't spoken, "I'm going to ruin your precious little life while I do it. Just like you did mine."

She stood, put a hand on the steel table, and leaned over him.

"If you want it to stop, all you have to do is drop these bullshit murder charges and issue a public apology for locking me up in the first place."

He stood too, so close his loafers brushed the toe of her dusty, prison issued sneakers.

"That's never going to happen," he promised, voice uncompromising and angry.

Aelin smiled, having predicted his reaction down to the facial expression.

His pride, she'd decided, would be the first thing to go.

She reached around him to slide the pawn on the chess board forward, leaned in even further, and whispered, "Let the game begin, then."

~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2

@perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @live-the-fangirl-life @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @gracie-rosee @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @inardour @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

[linalilia]

🍁my enstars ocs (part 1): kaede ariyoshi! 🍁

okay, so i decided to try and make my own enstars ocs! even though i don't remember anything about the lore and plot hjnfjskdk I JUST WANT TO HAVE MY OWN CUTE LITTLE UNIT and make them interact with my friends' ocs hehe

the unit that i came up with has a menhera/yami kawaii theme because i always liked that aesthetic a lot and i thought it would be interesting to have a unit like that in the game. i thought that their name would be "band♡aid" I KNOW IT DOESN'T SOUND THAT UNIQUE I'M SURE SOMEONE ALREADY HAS A UNIT LIKE THAT BUT. I NEVER WAS THAT GOOD AT COMING UP WITH UNIT/BAND NAMES.

also, most members are actually foreign exchange students because.. most japanese names i wanted to use are already in the game. enstars has too many characters ndsdjksksk. and i simply thought it would be cool to have a unit that has so many foreign characters, like OKAY SLAY BILINGUAL/MULTILINGUAL KINGS.

i'm going to post their profiles separately and the first boy is actually their leader! and also he's the youngest one here, so yes, he's baby.

i haven't drawn their designs yet, so we will have to use picrews/character makers for now.

(links: 1 2 3)

name: kaede ariyoshi (有吉楓) (his last name means "to have, possess" and "luck" and his first name means "maple")

age: 16 y/o

school: yumenosaki academy

class: 1-A

club: game research club

circle: mystery researchers

height: 166 cm

date of birth: 13.07

zodiac sign: cancer

hair color: tonys pink

eye color: fuchsia

roommates: ruan yu, andrea mari

handedness: right-handed

blood type: A

likes: horror games, trees

dislikes: being the center of attention, arguing

favorite food: french fries

family: father and mother

hobby: listening to asmr, camping

specialty: making games

image color: #E5D0E8

unit: band♡aid

agency: new dimension

personality: kaede is a very shy and soft-spoken person who finds it hard to express his own opinion. he doesn't want people to think that he's weird or scary, so he tends to apologize before he even says anything and he always asks if the person he's talking to is uncomfortable with what he's saying. he also stutters and because of that it can be hard for him to even say just one word. but even though he's so shy and he hates being the center of attention, he's always trying to be a peacemaker of the group and if he sees his unit members fight, he's the one who tries to calm them down. and if he becomes angry enough, he can get surprisingly rude and even violent, he can easily punch someone if they annoy him too much. kaede is actually very interested in horror, especially horror games and before he became an idol, he was a game developer. he created three very short horror games, but even though he doesn't find them that special, kaede already has some fans. however, he refuses to talk about his interests in public because he's afraid people will judge him and think he's creepy. and according to him, it already happened in the past and that's why he became a shut-in and stopped going to school.

backstory: kaede was a fan of horror since childhood and his parents encouraged his interests even though they agreed that it was kinda strange for such a young child to be obsessed with everything scary and dark. he hoped that he will find friends with the same interests and he knew that a lot of his classmates also like creepy things, but to his shock, those kids started making fun of him because they couldn't believe that such a cute and "soft" boy like him would genuinely like horror. and when they learned that he really does like it, they only started bullying him even more and said that he needs to find a hobby that will fit him. they also thought that he was scarier than all those monsters and villains. eventually the bullying got so bad that kaede stopped going to school and refused to leave the house, even though he really liked going camping with his dad and he always liked going on walks and he found it calming. he decided to express his feelings through games and that's why he became so interested in creating his own games. his parents got so worried about him, they were afraid that kaede won't be able "to return to society" if they don't do anything. it should be mentioned that his parents are actually show business experts and they've been a part of it for many years. so, kaede's parents decided to make their child become an idol, hoping that it will help him become more confident and he won't be afraid of other people anymore. but kaede has no experience at all, so it will be quite hard for him to get used to this.. it doesn't help that he also was chosen to be a unit leader.

trivia:

you can often see him wearing hoodies and baseball hats, it's also a part of his school uniform.

he was chosen to be a unit leader because he seemed to be the "most normal" out of all the members and he genuinely wanted to get along with all of them.. but also because it was his parents' wish.

kaede is not that good at singing and dancing at first, but he slowly gets better at it because he doesn't want to let others down and he keeps practicing.

he has the most high-pitched and childlike voice out of all the unit members, however, he can sing in a much deeper voice when he has to. he finds it scary though, so he doesn't use it that much even though his fans find it more attractive

he is very attached to anzu because she was the first person who tried to help him get used to being an idol. he stutters even more when she's around and he often gets teased because other unit members think he has a crush on her. and they're kinda right

kaede's parents spoiled him a lot and it's also one of the reasons why he was bullied by his classmates. they say that forcing him to become an idol was the most harsh decision they've ever done.

kaede is bilingual and he's fluent in both japanese and english. whenever other unit members are having trouble with reading or understanding something, he explains it to them in english.

kaede was the one to come up with the unit theme and he made a reference to his past and his own personality when describing it. he thought that it would be interesting for their songs to still sound cute and innocent but have very dark and deep lyrics, it's just like his own vibe! he's also the one who writes lyrics to some of the songs.

[littlefireofhestia]

hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.