#haven't been awake that long
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Hhhhhhhh wrist has been acting up again leading to loss of feeling in my fingers.... Hate having to wear the brace
#especially since most of my work is typing#and the brace makes turning my wrist palm down more difficult#oh well#i also forgot my lunch#but overall today hasn't been bad#haven't been awake that long#so that might be why#i might get hotpot tonight#we'll see#odt
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Per usual, I'm obsessed with her
commissions ✪ ko-fi ✪ shop
#crow's art#digital art#art#artist on tumblr#doodles#sketches#blackbile#abigail rivera#i think my mom gave me. covid . so I'm like super exhausted I'm going to bed I think 😭 haven't even been awake for long but. yeag.#the bust and devil were done earlier this month :) I did gym abi today
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imagine your f/os with wings (or with flying-related abilities) letting you fly with them...
they prop you on their back or grasp you tightly against their chest as they soar into the wind!
you get to see all the sights that you've either seen or not seen, but at a completely different perspective!
imagine them going so high up in the sky that you touch a cloud; how does it feel?
are they good at flying? are they just average?
imagine the ones who are bad at flying. imagine them almost flying into a building and then making a quick save at the very last second!
ultimately, you decide that flying is too much of a safety hazard with them so y'all call a cab or walk or something of that sort...
but either way, your f/o loved flying with you! when you reach the surface, they begin to tell you about how much fun they had and the two of you discuss the sights you saw!
[pr.ship/c.mship dni • do not steal or repost]
#f/o imagines#imagine your f/o#f/o community#self ship#fictional other#selfshipping#self ship community#self shipping#selfship#this prompt is very neutral so you could probably imagine it with any form of f/o besides the usual romantic stuff#also sorry if this is incomprehensible i haven't been awake for very long
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So, I had a dream. Most of it I was Directly There, but sometimes it would feel like I was just watching a horror movie. Anyway:
Staying with a rich friend in her giant-ass loft bed, kinda have a crush on her. She has a lot of on-again-off-again relationships. She's been acting very weird and a little scary. She kisses me, I'm shocked/weirded out by how she's been acting even though I'm into her, she takes this as an insult and bites me (on the stomach for some reason) to turn me into a werewolf (she describes this, repeatedly, as "gender"- like, "what's happening to me" "gender").
At some point there's kind of a party/gathering in the woods, everyone's swimming in a pond or lake or some other body of water, Werewolf Girl is standing on the shore. As the full moon rises, EVERYONE starts to transform into wolves, thus implying that the kiss-rejection-get-werewolfed-idiot thing has happened with all the other people in the water too, which is a decent handful.
Not much of the dream is spent on Being A Werewolf. Next thing I know, I'm back at the house, human again, it's still nighttime, and I'm hiding from the others- especially OG Werewolf Girl. The other werewolves trickle in. They're also human again- so, while the original transformation is involuntary, it can be controlled. This has done a lot to soothe the panic and bring up the mood- people even seem kind of excited about the werewolf thing. I am still deeply nervous, not so much because of the werewolf thing, but because OG Werewolf Girl's behavior worries me.
Afterwards there's a bit of a weird subplot about some public figure in the town selling drugs apparently? OG Werewolf Girl wants to expose this for unknown reasons. Also, she sticks a match in someone's mouth and lights it. For the crime of being a buzzkill I believe. I wake up shortly after this. What the fuck.
#werewolves#dreams#I'm obsessed with the werewolf girl here and the implications of her using shared werewolf-ism as a punishment for rejection#she has rejection/abandonment issues! she's a sadist! she's a party girl! she's problematic bisexual representation!#there's also some subtext here about Being A Werewolf and Gender but I haven't been awake that long so I don't wanna unpack that right now
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*hugs leg*
@three-year-old-sigma
//thinking of changing the username, got any ideas?
"Hello tiny"
#ada sigma#bsd rp blog#sigma bsd#ooc:#Hmm...#tiniest-casino-manager#smol-sigma#tiny-sigma#I haven't been awake long excuse the horrible ideas lmao
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I know I always say this to myself whenever I see your stuff, but HOLY SHIT IS YOUR ART FANTASTIC!!! I seriously need to catch up on everything you've done recently because I love your work!
Oh geez, thank you so much!! I do try to keep my blog's tags organized, so if you go to my main blog and want to catch up, it should all be readily categorized in the tag links on the side bar. Thank you again!! I am awash with joy from the kind message
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I'm just so annoyed with myself
everything's fine. everything's good, even! I'm having a nice time painting stupid things and watching the x-files. awesome!
then. all of a sudden everything is just sooo bad again. like come on! I'm tired of this. it feels really bad. like. it goes from "everything is fine" to "guess I should just die" from one moment to the next.
#I'd like to have SOME time to do things during the day. I slept for over 12 hours again so I haven't been awake that long.#and I've only been painting for 3 hours. so why can't I keep doing that 😭#fuck everything#I'm gonna think about jenkins until I feel better. unless that makes it worse. that happens sometimes.#ughhhh I'm so miserable rn.#and the stupid things I'm painting aren't actually stupid. or things. because they're all john larroquette. of course.#just wanna keep doing that 😭😭😭#personal
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I just fucking love it when someone has dogs that are too strong for them and one of them is dog aggressive and not wearing a muzzle. Just love it. And don't get angry when I need to physically kick your dog away after it bit both me and my dog, be happy my almost 40 kilo dog listened to me and did not bite back. Fucking hell.
#good morning!#I didn't even have my coffee yet#Roef is too riled up for me to check him properly for bites#he looks tough but he's easily scared and he's pretty shaken#even after we walked off the tension somewhat by walking for an extra 30 minutes#there was some blood on my hand when I felt his leg but I can't see anything#will check again when he's calmed down#haven't seen any more blood so I think it's not that bad luckily#I have a bruise on my leg and a little superficial hole so it's not that bad#that dog wasn't there to make friends#I'm ashamed to say I kind of lost it#I yelled like a fishwife and cursed like a sailor#pretty sure everyone in my street is awake now#I do feel bad about kicking a dog though but I think the kick was nicer than having Roef actually getting angry and biting#I don't think I really hurt the dog that bad and he did back off long enough for his owner to fetch him so it is what it is#I could have been kinder to the lady because I'm sure she didn't want this either but I was so fucking pissed and just went off#maybe I'll have a talk with her once things have cooled down she only lives a block away so I know where to find her#liedeke talks#dogs#animals#roef#my pets#my dogs
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#laying awake thinking of them again#it's been so long i thought id gotten over them#but. no. i haven't.#hearing their voice..... I......#....fuck. Fuck#I missed them so much i can't think#i pictured them holding my hand and almost started bawling#gods#it.... it still hurts so much#it's still my own fault. it's still on me for not saying anything.#but i just can't picture a world where that.... changed anything#.....there's no way they'd have had eyes for me. it wouldn't have mattered.#.......fuck......#.....my best friend#feel like a goddamn sitcom#.....i don't even know if i really do want to get over them#.....fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
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#i have been awake for so long#i have two classes today and one of them should just be “turn in the paper and leave”#I have not finished this paper#its a lab report#I could use some prayers I think#i haven't written a lab report in like a full year because my lab partner always did it for us#this is the first solo lab in a while#i rocked the lab portion to be fair#now i gotta write the lab report#ayayayayayayayay#energy drink save me#energy drink#save me energy drink
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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(Mostly.)
#I've been quiet for a while because I've been so exhausted#haven't touched my computer in a week except for some editing I had to do for someone IRL and I was still half asleep for that#got a reprieve from the long shifts today tho so more awake#gonna do those three sentence fics that have been in my asks#ngl tho I probably will go quiet again#maybe not right away because it's supposed to rain Monday so it won't be long hours if it does just normal hours#and my day tomorrow should be short because I'm not on the crew doing the long shift#but I also have a bunch of other things planned for tomorrow because we weren't gonna work at all so uh#probably not gonna do much on the writing front
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I'm gonna start doing a count of how many times I cry in a day
#i think it could be a fun mini project#already on cry number 2 and i haven't been awake for that long...
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#when freddie mercury said 'each morning i get up i die a little / can barely stand on my feet'#when billy joel said 'dream on / but don't imagine they'll all come true'#when axl rose said 'we've been through this such a long long time / just tryin to kill the pain'#when adam young said 'though i haven't slept in two days / cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone'#when amy lee said 'you don't remember me but i remember you / i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you'#when davey havok said 'if i weren't so cold / we couldn't freeze this moment'#still taking a break but. something something wishing the batteries weren't dead#no rewind no fast forward and no pause. just drifting through until it stops#personal
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Well maybe if i make myself feel more unwell the others will come out! <- joking and wrong
#inthrum#i cant get myself to eat ive been awake for hours#im in pain but. i cant fix it and im sad and anxious#why im this long frontstuck when the body is trapped in hellscape#im gonna have to spend so fucking long undoing damage i haven't stopped taking all year#on TOP of 20 years of prev trauma#im gonna be so stupid sick its gonna hurttttttt#like different than this hurt. its gonna be sore snd thick#system babbles#vent#negative#im in agony and my brain is telling me i must worsen it. it's the only way. it isnt but like. its making a few solid points#<- mentally ill as fuck seriously
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why am I still awake at almost 4am
#i haven't been awake this late in soo long#i'm just not remotely sleepy#inevitably i am going to end up sleeping until midday and then feeling bad for wasting too much of my weekend 🫠#talking
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