#have watched ep 8... six times i thinks....

[em-bandaid-boy]

You're telling me an absolute fried this solver??.?

Aghghk

Edit! The pic is from one of the shots in the end credits of ep 8, uzi and n are in the background

[shesjustanothergeek]

The Gods We Can Touch Chapter Six: Salt and Blood

Masterlist of Series

Summary: The older twin of Prince Jacaerys Velaryon, you were a picture of the maiden, untouched and untainted by man's sins. At least, that was what Alicent Hightower believed when she held you in her arms moments after her old friend's labors. You were her shining light, her dream. Though you were never hers, she believed you were meant to be.

What will become of you as time passes and the Queen's shining light grows within the blackened darkness? Will her eldest son's morbid fascination with the light burn the realm? Or will her second son's obsession with the only daughter of Rhaenyra Targaryen change the course of the Seven Kingdoms as we know it?

Author's Note: Alright, everyone. This is the last time you'll see baby Aemond and the reader, so let's cherish it. In the next chapter, we will start where the show did with the characters aged up in Ep. 8. I'm very excited to write for adult MC. I'm not going to lie; I'm a bit worried about writing Aemond's inner dialogue, as I've never written for a male character who isn't obsessed with the reader, but I'm sure I'll do fine. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter Warnings: Alicent being delulu, parentified sibling trauma, and watch me make you feel even worse about Driftmark.

As you journeyed from the gloomy corridors of the Red Keep to the sulfuric atmosphere of Dragonstone and now to the sandy shores and scattered shells of Driftmark, an air of sadness seemed to cling to you wherever you went. You stood at the edge of a cliff, gazing down at the tranquil sea, overlooking the stone coffin that cradled your late Aunt Laena. Two deaths, each carrying its weight of sorrow, yet only one mourned.

You wondered what it would be like to die choked in flames like Ser Harwin and Lyonel Strong did. Would it be the same as suffering dragon fire like your Aunt? Most likely not. Hers was a swift burning of flesh from bones, while theirs was hours of agony and suffocation. 

Despite what your family claimed, the idea of dying to your own dragon’s flames wasn’t an appealing end to you. It didn’t seem noble like how stories explained it to be. It was horrifying to have your skin torched from your body, to feel the power of a thousand suns on your flesh. It would be excruciatingly painful, and you wished it upon no one, not even those you despised most. You would much rather meet the Stranger in your sleep. 

You barely settled into your new home on Dragonstone before your mother received the two ravens. One bringing news of Ser Harwin and the other of Laena, containing death in the ink. You consoled your mother and father as best you could, hugging and kissing and telling them that you loved them and were sorry. It was an impossible task to do, but you couldn’t help yourself. You hated seeing them so distraught and wanted to make them feel better. 

At night, you cried into your pillows in your now isolated bedroom until Jace and Luke entered, watery eyes matching yours. As the eldest, it was your job to hold your family together when your parents couldn’t, and it left you no time to properly grieve the loss of an Aunt and a father figure.

You felt terrible for your cousins Baela and Rhaena. To go to bed one night and wake up the next without a mother was a depth of grief you couldn’t imagine. You didn’t think you could live a life without your mother; you would die with her, and the ability of your cousins to continue without her was admirable as you observed their sullen faces streaked with tears. 

Your Great Uncle Vaemond spoke his sermon in High Valyrian, which was too fast and practiced for you to understand. You could decipher some words here and there, but ultimately, you were lost listening to a man you rarely met. You felt your mother straighten her stance from behind, her arms coming to circle the three of you in a protective embrace.

Vaemond’s eyes were on yours, Luke’s, and Jace’s, but everyone else was focused on him—on the coffin with Lady Laena’s face carved into it.

As your eyes wandered to the other people surrounding the funeral procession, fear struck you as you caught your eldest uncle’s eye. It wasn’t very comforting to see Aegon so soon. You had set it in your mind that you wouldn’t have to see him for many years, and yet, here you were, dressed in an obsidian and red-sleeved gown, pearls adorning the collar and your veiled headpiece. Quickly, you turned away, instinctually taking Jace’s hand in yours.

An air of stiffness surrounded your family that you weren’t blind to. It was always there, but now, more than before, you felt it. You thought it was childish to be so locked into familial drama when someone lay dead inside a casket. Though you didn’t remember much of the times you met your Aunt Laena, she still deserved the respect of putting these grievances aside. You knew you were part of it, but more important things were happening than what you suffered. 

The cries of your father sent waves of sadness into your heart, and with the sudden urge to get him to stop, you left the safety of your brother and clung to your father’s waist. He lifted you into his sea-worn arms and clung to your frail body as if it was the only thing that kept him from sinking into his grief. You rested your temple onto his shoulder, tears of empathy falling from your eyes as he pressed your head closer. 

Afraid of what would become of your father if you let go, you allowed him to crush you in his embrace for as long as he needed it as a scornful laugh broke through the tense atmosphere. You peeked from your position to see Great Uncle Daemon chuckling to himself with a shake of his head at what Vaemond said. You felt annoyance bubble inside you, solidifying your distaste for the man as the Velaryon guards clad in silver armor and blue seahorse sigils lifted the ropes and lowered your Aunt into the roaring sea. 

You didn’t leave your father’s side for the remainder of the day, not even when he slowly lowered himself into the sea with his sister as the cold, salty breeze swept through the evening. You wanted to speak with Aemond, if just for a small moment, but your family came first. They always came before anyone else, a fact that your mother instilled into the very fabric of your being.

Sitting atop one of the rock ledges near your father, you dipped your feet into the saltwater, dragging your toes to watch the water ripple and allow time to pass. It didn’t feel right to leave him alone. The image of him falling into the ocean as your Aunt played repeatedly in your mind’s eye. You were afraid in his grief, he would follow her. Only when your father’s squire, Ser Qarl, took your father from his place with his sister did you leave, joining the rest of the goers for the wake late in the evening.

Searching through the crowd of people for your mother and your brothers, you couldn’t find them. Alone with none of your family for protection, you felt fear pull at your chest. Your hands began to scratch at your arms and scalp, attempting to quell the insatiable itch. The fabric prevented you from doing so, and tears of fright soon began to collect at your lashes. 

From across the balcony, you saw a flash of green, a color that had never offered you comfort until now. Yet as quickly as you saw it, it vanished, leaving only a head of white promptly running down the stairs. You felt your heart drop into your feet as you watched Aemond run across the sandy dunes like he was running from you. 

The call of a dragon you never heard before screeched through the gray skies. It was mournful as if it were calling for a lost pet or child. In this case, it was a rider. As you looked up, you could see the vast shadow of Vhagar’s silhouette soaring through the clouds, flying in the same direction your uncle went. You felt your eyes grow wide with worry at the realization, wanting to chase after Aemond and warn him.

“Let’s get you to bed,” a tender, feminine voice came from behind you as you jolted in surprise. The tall figure of Queen Alicent stood before you, curly auburn hair pinned back into a magnificent updo and clad in her usual green and gold as she put a hand on your back. “Your mother already sent your brothers.” 

“Where is she?” you hastily asked. Aemond was no longer on your mind.

“I’m uncertain. Your father is off drowning his sorrow in his cups with his squire,” she answered in the same velvet voice you remembered her having, bitterness you didn’t understand laced in the undertone.

You felt offended by how the Queen spoke about your father. He was grieving. He was allowed to spend time with whomever he wished, doing what he wanted.

Alicent lifted her arm, wrapping it around your petite frame, and led you inside Hightide. It was not as cold or formidable as Dragonstone; its dark magic melted into the walls, yet it didn’t hold the warmth of the Red Keep. Still, you felt unwelcomed here, either by the place or its people. The pale stone walls were filled with bits and pieces of shells from clams, mollusks, and other long-dead shell creatures mixed into the mortar to make it stand the test of salty air. 

The Hall of the Nine, where you passed as Queen Alicent, led you to the guest chambers, where you held the Driftwood throne where your grandfather Corlys reigned. You recalled when you visited this place many years ago and how he went on about the many treasures from his sieges and conquests that decorated the room in all its glory. He and his wife, Rhaenys, sat in a heated discussion in front of the hearth.

Once you reached the door to your shared bed chambers with your brothers, Alicent turned to you. It was the first time you had seen her since what Aegon had done to you, and you felt tension. It seemed as if she wanted to speak, to say everything that had been bottled up since the revelation of her son’s transgressions, but she was unable to do so as tears choked her. Instead, the only words that came out were those she couldn’t say to her children. 

“I hope you can find the time to visit the Keep. Helaena asked when you would be returning, and it broke my heart to tell her you wouldn’t be,” she confided, stroking the thin black fabric covering your dark hair. “Aemond has turned inwards since you left, and Aegon has become crueler to him. It makes me wonder if he’s always been this way and that my love for him has blinded me from his transgressions.” 

You said nothing. The mention of Aegon’s name still felt like a blow to the stomach. “I hope you can find it within your heart to forgive my son for what he did to you and that we may yet be the family we were always meant to be.” Your tongue felt like lead as your breathing began to race, your chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as Alicent kneeled before you, a sad smile on her supple lips as she tenderly swiped your tear-stained cheeks with her smooth thumbs. 

“I love you, my shining light, my dream.” 

Leaning in, she took your small frame by your shoulders, kissing your forehead as one would do to their babe. You felt sick, nausea churning in your stomach as you quickly opened the bedroom door, hastily shutting it behind you in fright. 

It was all too much—Lady Laena’s death, Ser Harwin’s, seeing your father in shambles, and Queen Alicent’s steadfast belief that you should become a part of her family no matter what happened to you. The Queen desired to wed you and Aegon despite the horrors he committed. The realization that she genuinely didn’t see what your eldest uncle did to you as something that would permanently bar you from joining the union pierced your heart. You would much rather marry Aemond or Helaena, but having no ties to her seemed better.

Your brothers peered at you curiously from their beds as you clutched your chest, looking as if you ran the entire way here. They didn’t ask any questions, and you didn’t move to speak, loosening the ties of your gown and shrugging it off until you were only in your smock. You didn’t feel like changing into your nightdress in front of your brothers, deciding to climb into bed and shove your face into the pillows, refusing to cry in front of Jace and Luke as you fell into a dreamless sleep.

When Aemond learned of Lady Laena’s death, he knew it was a sign from the Gods that his time had come. The Seven had deemed this the moment to prove himself to everyone who doubted him and thought him useless without a dragon. 

Vhagar. 

The largest, oldest, and strongest dragon in the world was riderless. 

Aemond believed that once he gained the only thing he lacked, life would finally be what it should have been. He would make his father proud, shove all the taunts and jests from Aegon and his nephews back into their faces, and finally become a man you deemed worthy—your Mors Martell. 

As Aemond fled from the wake when the candles had long melted, he thought only of the ichor coursing through his veins. Dusk was upon the island, and the night’s wind blew harshly, strands of his silver-blonde hair covering his face as he climbed over the dunes. Vhagar was further from the castle than he initially thought.

“Fuck.” Aemond released a sigh of exasperation and scrambled across the uneven ground. 

When he came upon the dragon, he was in awe. Vhagar was as frightening as she was enormous—a giant, green-scaled, moving mountain that shook the ground and blew sand with every movement and breath from her powerful lungs. 

Taking advantage of Vhagar’s resting state, Aemond crept along the sparse grass, feeling each gust of air she created with her wide nostrils, blowing the sand into his face and ears. Anxiety was present in his gut, feeling a slight tremble in his limbs as he closed the distance, wrapping his hand around one of the many ropes draped across Vhagar’s scales. Suddenly, he felt the ground underneath him quake, and the head of the dragon lifted with a low rumble.

Vhagar observed Aemond with tired yet calculating amber orbs, double eyelids blinking. She grumbled as she bore her teeth to him. They were the size of a fully grown adult, sending a shiver down his spine. As if it were an act of divine intervention, Vhagar laid her enormous head back down, seeming disinterested in the young boy before her. 

If Lady Laena’s death wasn’t proof enough Aemond was fated by the Gods to claim a dragon, the most powerful beast in the world, laying its head in acquiescence certainly was. Blinded by his small victory, nerves still in his mind, he reached for the rope ladder again, only for Vhagar to raise her head and growl, low and deep. A snarl formed on her great maw as Aemond stumbled back in shock and saw the light of orange flames gather at the back of her throat. 

“Dohaerās!” (Serve!) he shouted instinctively, recalling the many lessons he observed in the Dragonpit as he felt the heat of fire on his countenance. “Dohaerās, Vagus! Lykirī!” (Serve, Vhagar! Be calm!)

With Aemond’s commands, the she-dragon relaxed, recalling her flames and closing her mouth. She purred to him like a cat, a sign that she approved his merit while standing in the face of death. Vhagar would allow the Prince an attempt to claim her, but he must prove himself before the eyes of the Gods, before the eyes of a dragon. 

Aemond took the ropes and climbed atop the mighty Vhagar’s back, positioning himself in the saddle and grabbing the reigns. 

“Sōvēs!” (Fly!) Aemond ordered, and Vhagar rumbled, raising her legs and shaking the sand from her scales. “Sōvēs!”

She obeyed, taking a few giant steps and flapping her great wings, pushing off from the ground and leaving a sandstorm in her wake. Though Aemond told Vhagar to fly, he still had yet to control her as she took to the night sky in a near-vertical position, catching him unaware. The force knocked him from the leather saddle, leaving him dangling in the air with just the reigns for purchase. Aemond screamed with fear, feeling as if his stomach lurched out of his body as he struggled against the whipping wind to regain control. 

She tested him as he grabbed the pommel, sat upright, and pulled the ropes to balance her. He felt like he was on a bucking horse, loosening, tightening, twisting, and turning to the left and right to steer her safely. Vhagar ignored Aemond’s movements and continued to fly like he wasn’t there, diving into the dunes of Driftmark before he reared her upwards, dragging her claws across the sand. He squealed in terror, blocking the debris that scratched his face as she soared over the sea.

Aemond knew he needed to prove himself to her, to show the war-hardened dragon that he deserved to ride her. Her chirps and groans from the day earlier called to him like nothing before, singing to the Prince in her dragon song of forlornness and isolation. Perhaps that was why he felt compelled to claim her. They both shared that feeling of loneliness deep within their souls, that same oddness in their families. The dragoness was too large to be held within any structure, leaving her in forced solitude, her only companions being her rider. Aemond was the only one, despite his Valyrian features, not to have a dragon. 

That would no longer be his story.

Aemond fortified his mind and will, putting his soul into his movements as he lifted Vhagar higher in the sky. He could feel the blood of Old Valyria coursing through his veins as the mighty dragon obeyed, leveling out her vast wings and soaring over Spicetown and back to Driftmark. He screamed with fear and joy as she flew with him in the skies, a bright smile he was sure you could see in Lannisport. 

Aemond had proven himself. He had shown himself and all who doubted and bullied him for not having a dragon that he was capable, that he was worthy. 

Everything was as it should be.

Perhaps you would allow him to kiss you again and spend the night in his embrace. Aemond had no doubt you would be proud of him as he listened to your assurances that he was brave, a dragon knight who you could trust with your secrets and protect you from enemies, and that he deserved your heart. 

Aemond landed Vhagar with a grace he hadn’t possessed before, climbing down the rope ladder on her side with windburnt cheeks. As soon as his feet touched the sand, he ran straight to the underground caverns of High Tide to wake you and explain everything.

“Jace!” 

You faintly heard a voice calling, sounding distant in your dream state. Ignoring it with a groan, you rolled over, trying to return to sleep.

“Jace, wake up! Someone stole Vhagar!”

This woke you from your sleep. You sat up to see Baela and Rhaena hovering over your brother’s bed. 

“We need to stop them!”

Jace and Luke quickly threw the covers off and stuck their feet into their slippers as you observed them curiously. Rubbing the sleep from your face, you yawned, begrudgingly following them. 

“You cannot steal a dragon,” you countered after a long silence in the pale stone halls, your voice laced with sleep. It felt like you had hardly gotten a wink. 

“She is my mother’s dragon! I was supposed to claim her,” Rhaena countered, tears collecting in her dark eyes. 

Yawning again as you followed a few paces behind your siblings and cousins, you rolled your eyes, wanting to bite with the remark, “Why didn’t you?” But you didn’t say it. The reason was apparent why she didn’t, and Rhaena didn’t need any more reason to be distraught.

They led you to the caverns of High Tide, stumbling in your sleepless state. They led to the beaches lit only by dim torchlight, your movements groggy and slightly annoyed. On the other end of the tunnel, Aemond appeared before you with a proud grin and windswept hair. You couldn’t help but mirror his expression, a contagious self-satisfaction that spread to you. 

He needn’t say it aloud. You could tell by how he carried himself, shoulders back, chin high, and a slight lift to his cheeks, that your uncle claimed a dragon—the mightiest one in the world, Vhagar. 

“It’s him!” Rhaena exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Aemond.

It didn’t deter him, countering with his head high, violet eyes flicking from you to your cousin. “It’s me.”

“Vhagar is my mother’s dragon!” she yelled, hurt as if this reasoning would change Vhagar’s fate. As you moved to Aemond, Jace grabbed your hand, stopping you with an anxious yet demanding look on his face. 

“Your mother is dead, and Vhagar has a new rider now,” your uncle replied, and you felt your brows raise in shock. You knew better than most of the cruelty he could commit, but after spending time with Aemond and seeing the softer, gentler, and kinder side of him, it took you off guard. 

“She was mine to claim!” Rhaena argued, charging toward him in a challenge. Your skin began to itch, and your breath quickened. 

The hatred felt at the funeral carried over into your brothers and cousins. Tension in the air crackled like a fire in a hearth, watching the yellow and orange flames slowly dwindle into embers until someone threw tinder to spark it.

“Then you should’ve claimed her! Maybe your cousins can find you a pig to ride,” Aemond sneered. “It would suit you.”

Your lips parted in empathetic offense as you looked from your uncle to Rhaena, tears of guilt and shame pricking at your eyes. You apologized about the pig, and you thought Aemond forgave you, but it seems he couldn’t let go of the hurt no matter how close you were. The feeling of joy for your uncle’s feat was as brief as your friendship.

With a surge of rage, Rhaena charged forward, attempting to push Aemond, but he swiftly countered, and she fell to the ground. You jumped back in shock as you covered your mouth, Luke standing beside you. Baela screamed, protecting her sister as she punched him across his face and Aemond yelped in pain. Without thinking, you went toward your uncle, fearful for his well-being in your heart, but he swiftly stood before you could reach him, returning the same swing to Baela. You gasped in horror and moved to the side, narrowly missing your cousin’s body from colliding with yours. 

“Come at me again, and I’ll feed you to my dragon!” Aemond snarled at the twins, and without warning, Jace ran to him with a shout, shoving your uncle in offended anger and smacking him across the cheek.

You screamed for them to stop as you watched Luke try to join the fray, but you held him back, scared that he would get caught in the crossfire. He was the youngest and the littlest, most likely to get hurt. You needed to protect what family you could. Aemond brought this upon himself with his words of arrogance, but that didn’t stop you from wanting to defend him, too.

The scene before you was violent, a flurry of white, black, and red running atop Aemond as Luke slipped from your grasp, all pummeling, kicking, and screaming at him as you cried for them to stop. He was helpless as he suffered blow after blow, and you felt your heart splinter. This wasn’t a fair fight. Without worrying for yourself, you jumped on top of Jace, pulling him back from your uncle and giving him a chance to defend himself. You felt like a betrayer, turning against your twin to save your uncle. Your brother grunted as you both fell to the ground, his body on top of you as you struggled to keep him from fighting. 

You and your siblings had fought before, but nothing like this. It was so vicious, filled with violence and want for pain, as Jace whipped his head back into yours, causing it to slam against one of the many jagged rocks across the ground, having you see stars. He went back into the brawl with no worry for your safety as you heard the unsheathing of a knife, your eyes blurry as you struggled to see the scene before you. 

“You will die screaming in flames just as your father did!” Aemond yelled, suddenly holding Luke by his neck with a rock in his hand.

“My father is alive!” Luke gasped in protest, flinging his arms and blood running down his face.

You needed to get up to protect Luke from physical harm and the threat of discovering your lineage. You didn’t believe Aemond would kill Luke. He was capable of violence, but he wasn’t a murderer. As you tried to move, your skull felt filled with sand, pulling you back down to the ground as you felt the warm trickle of liquid run down your neck. You blinked rapidly, trying to clear your sight and mind. 

Aemond spoke again to Jace, seeming to forget your existence and holding a sense of superiority. “He doesn’t know, does he, Lord Strong?” 

You forgot how cruel Aemond could be. Your stolen moments of reading and kisses in the night had closed your eyes to it.

“Aemond, don’t,” you mumbled, skull pounding as the excruciating sounds of your brothers and uncle’s shouts pierced your ears like needles. 

You blinked your eyes into focus, seeing Jace wildly swinging a knife at Aemond as you managed to kneel. Your brothers didn’t realize how dangerous what they were doing was, that a knife wasn’t something to use against someone who was armed with only a stone in hand. While Aemond was bigger and had more combat experience, a dagger would kill him. Being upset because someone claimed a dragon wasn’t worth murdering over. 

Reaching your arm out with a soft grunt, you grabbed Jace’s ankle as Aemond pushed him over, holding the same rock above his head as he did for Luke. You thought Aemond knew better than this. You gave him the perfect opportunity to run and get help now that Baela and Rhaena huddled into a scared, crying mess, but he was too far gone into his anger to see reason, blinded by it. 

“Aemond! No!” you shouted hoarsely, trying to stand but failing as your head pounded like a drumbeat.

He turned to you then, lowering the rock to his side as he stared at you with the sudden realization of what he had done. Your uncle was filled with a surge of superiority inside him. He couldn’t think straight, and when he happened upon the five of you, people he was always told that he was above, something inside him that lay dormant finally broke free. He knew he was always capable of violence, but felt remorse when he saw your bruised nose, tear-streaked cheeks, and blood dripping down your throat. 

Did he do that to you? 

Suddenly, Aemond was blinded, sand thrown into his eyes as he stumbled back and heard the yell of Luke, unimaginable pain soon following. You watched in horror as your brother savagely sliced into your uncle’s left eye, blood pouring and splattering across the ground. 

Aemond couldn’t remember if you were amid his attackers. He surveyed the bruised and battered bodies before him and realized what he had done as his stomach fell to his feet.

He hurt people, just like Aegon. You would never entrust your secrets to him. His hands committed violence, but his heart desired to tell a different story—one of a strong and noble prince who went through many trials and tribulations to prove himself worthy of the princess's heart.

All you could hear were screams. Screams from you, screams from Aemond as you crawled towards him, sobbing. 

“Aemond!” you cried as he doubled over, falling into your body as he screeched in pain. 

“It hurts!” he wailed into your chest, his free hand clawing into your back. “It hurts! Help me!” 

You trembled, arms struggling to keep yourself upright against his weight as the flurry of guards rumbled inside your skull like thunder. Unable to make out their words as they moved, it seemed like you were watching the world from outside your body, from the lenses of another, as Ser Harrold pried Aemond from your embrace.

It hurt. Everything hurt—your heart, stomach, muscles, and head. You weren’t sure who led you, Baela, Rhaena, Luke, and Jace to the Hall of the Nine as a flurry of people gathered, pushing and shoving as you clutched your skull. The room was so bright, so loud, as you heard your uncle’s screams. You felt sturdy arms grab you by your shoulders, roughly moving you as if you were nothing more than a doll, as it felt like your eyes were about to burst. Steel blue fabric blocked your eyes as you saw the hazy image of a seahorse stitched into the fabric.

“Father?” You reached out, small digits feeling along the fine silk until the texture of scruff scratched at your skin. Blinking, you saw the aged face of your grandfather, Lord Corlys, as he gathered you and your brothers behind him. 

Where was he, and where was your mother? 

You felt sick as people scattered around you like seagulls when they discovered a bloated whale carcass, all trying to see the injured Prince, who cried until the Maester poured Milk of the Poppy down his throat. It felt like when you accidentally drank the water from Blackwater Bay, like a cold, nauseous sensation that sent beads of sweat rolling down your spine. 

“I don’t feel good,” you whispered to Jace as you leaned into his side, clutching your head and gut. He paid you no mind, peering behind your grandfather to see your other one appear, bearing total weight upon his dragon-head cane. 

“How could you let such a thing happen?” Viserys questioned Ser Harrold, examining Aemond as you heard the sickening squelch of flesh and rattle of metal tools. “I will have answers!”

Despite it undoubtedly being a harrowing sight, you wanted to be by your uncle, to hold his hand through it, to feel his pain with him, but you couldn’t. You needed to be with your brothers. What they saw and experienced would haunt them for the rest of their lives. Luke had taken Aemond’s eye. 

“The princess and princes were supposed to be abed, my king,” the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard explained, shame woven in his words. 

Viserys wouldn’t allow his knights to show such carelessness, surveying each of them with critical eyes. “Who had the watch?”

“The young prince was attacked by his cousins, your grace,” Ser Cristion nonchalantly replied. His words angered you for reasons unknown, and you felt a lump rise in your throat. 

Viserys turned to the room, looking between the two Kingsguards on opposite sides of the family as he hobbled on his cane. “You swore oaths to protect and defend my blood!” he boomed in a way you hadn’t seen before. You were afraid he would direct his anger at you, Jace, and Luke, wrapping your arms around them like you were in any state to protect your brothers. 

“I’m very sorry, your grace,” Ser Westerling said, head hung low in unimaginable disgrace. You felt bad for him. There was no way he could have stopped this. He was doing his duty and serving his King. It was Ser Criston who should be blamed.

“The Kingsguard has never had to defend princes from princes before, your grace-”

“That is no answer!” your grandfather yelled at Ser Criston, causing a clap of pain to thunder inside your skull. 

You wanted to go to bed, sleep for eternity, and be awake to everything as it was yesterday. Your brothers and cousins unbloodied and Aemond dragonless and with an eye. 

“Where’s mother?” you noiselessly questioned Jace, leaning into his ear and almost losing your footing. You needed to stay strong for them. 

“It will heal, will it not? Maester?” Queen Alicent asked, velveteen voice quivering with pain for her poor son. Maester Kelvyn finished stitching Aemond’s skin, throwing the needle and thread into a bowl with your uncle’s fleshy, viscous eye. 

“The flesh will heal. The eye is lost, your grace,” his nasal voice replied matter-of-factly.

You were going to be ill. 

Quickly, you ran through the multitude of people, pushing past Lord Corlys and Princess Rhaenys, who tried to stop you before you vomited all the contents of your stomach onto a person’s unsuspecting shoes. The crowd gasped in revolt, those not close to you jumping back and clutching their chests in shock. You found yourself before the fireplace, basking in its comforting warmth as you leaned onto the hearth and looked at the unlucky soul you retched on. 

Perhaps the Gods had a twisted sense of justice as you saw the disgusted face of Aegon before you. You didn’t hide your amused smirk.

“Tend to the Princess!” the King shouted to the Maester, seeming to forget about his injured son and throwing his cane in your direction. 

A flurry of green came before pale gray, tenderly cradling your visage in her palms as if you were her child, inspecting it. You grabbed the Queen’s wrists and attempted to push her away as if her touch burned, but she resisted, struggling against your childish strength until she grabbed your shoulders. Her touch reminded you of Aegon as you burst into tears, muscles going limp and at Queen Alicent’s mercy. She turned your head in her grasp, examining you with the utmost care that made another wave of nausea through you. 

The crowd observed in anxious silence as Aemond turned to watch his mother treat you with the affection he wished to receive. Familiar hatred bloomed inside his heart, swallowing his dry mouth as he thought resentfully. He would still have his eye if he hadn’t been so concerned with you. 

“I want my mother.” you whimpered, lips quivering in fear as the Queen lovingly wiped the blood from your neck. 

The Queen released you from her grip as if you had struck her, chest heaving and wide brown eyes watering as she turned to her eldest son. Your mother was here; you didn’t realize it.

“Where were you?” she interrogated Aegon, smacking him upside down before he could answer. 

“Ow! What was that for?” he questioned, incredulously rubbing at the afflicted area grimly. You held no sympathy for him as you hugged your sides. 

“That was nothing compared to the abuse your siblings suffered while you were drowning in your cups, you fool!” she whispered heatedly so only he could hear, shaking his gangly body in rage. You looked at the Queen with confusion, thinking she had gone mad with grief when she said “siblings.”

As the grand Hall doors creaked open, a shaft of golden light spilled into the room, casting long shadows on the marble floor. With an air of elegance, your mother swept into the room, her silk gown trailing behind her. Following closely was Uncle Daemon, his formidable presence filling the space. Amidst the whispers and murmurs, your name and that of your brothers floated through the air, drawing your attention. Without a second thought, you moved toward her, the sensation of fingertips brushing your bicep as if a ghostly hand had tried to hold you back, sending shivers down your spine.

“Show me, show me!” your mother ordered you and Luke, softly running her digits across your body as you sobbed with relief. “Who did this?”

“They attacked me!” Aemond yelled before you could get a word out, leaning from behind his chair. 

You saw his wound on full display. An ugly crisscrossed row of stitches lined up his eye socket and onto his forehead, the flesh puckered and pink as it fought the infection. Your mother moved your face before you could stare any longer as a chorus of accusations from your brothers and cousins sang. You couldn’t get the image of his gash out of your head. 

“He was going to kill Jace! I didn’t do anything!” Luke loudly shouted as you scrunched your eyes with a painful wince.

“Enough!” you heard your grandfather yell, and you looked at him with helpless, watery eyes, but no one listened. 

“It should be my son telling the tale!” the Queen protested, fist pounding against her chest with conviction over the voices.

You continued to look at your grandfather in anguish, the King of The Seven Kingdoms, whom everyone ignored except you. “Silence!” he yelled, voice rattling inside his hollow chest as flem flew from his decaying mouth. 

The Hall went silent, quieter than the Stranger himself, as everyone looked at one another, stunned at the turn of events. People came here to mourn the loss of a daughter, an aunt, a niece, a wife, and a sister. Viserys looked at you and then at his son, his ivory staff sounding with every movement as you swallowed, the taste of bile strong. 

“He called us bastards.” you silently whispered to your mother, wiping the tears and snot from your face.

“Aemond, I will have the truth of what happened.” The King approached your uncle as he slumped into the armchair, stepping swiftly and with a newfound curiosity. “Now.”

“What else is there to hear?” Alicent questioned, clutching at her neck as tears threatened to spill. “Your son has been maimed, and her son is responsible.”

“Twas a regrettable accident,” your mother countered, moving her body to shadow the three of you from the onlookers.

“Accident?” the Queen repeated, astonished. “The Prince Lucerys brought a blade to the ambush! He meant to kill my son!” 

You realized the truth didn’t matter now. All that did was what people perceived it to be. 

“Twas my children who were attacked and forced to defend themselves!” your mother argued as she placed a comforting hand onto Luke’s shoulders. “Vile insults were levied against them!” 

Your grandfather turned from his son to the four of you as you inhaled a shuddering breath. “What insults?” he questioned, a dangerous lilt to his tone that you had never heard before as the Hall went silent. It raised the hairs on your arms. 

“The legitimacy of my children’s birth was put loudly to question,” your mother replied, her chin high yet holding a nervous waver to her voice. 

As she turned towards you, your mother’s eyes conveyed a silent but insistent demand to verbalize what you previously whispered. She wished everyone to hear these words from you—the compassionate and considerate eldest daughter known as The Gods’ Light among the common folk. With tears streaming down your cheeks and your chest heaving with emotion, you gazed at Aemond with a sense of guilt. You knew the words you were about to utter would carry an extraordinary weight. Both sides sought someone to bear responsibility for the turmoil, but you recognized the unspoken truth. 

At that moment, honesty seemed inconsequential. Aemond had suffered the loss of his eye due to Luke’s actions, and you keenly felt your failure to shield your brothers from harm. You would never fault at your duty again. 

“He called us bastards,” you confessed, lacking the anger and conviction of your siblings as you sniffled, refusing to look at Aemond. 

You watched as the Queen’s auburn tresses bounced with the slight affirming nod of her head, a look of disbelief and recognition crossing her face. At that moment, it became clear that she had informed Aemond about the deception, hardening your heart with betrayal. You had believed that she was different and loved you like family, and it stung to realize that she didn’t hesitate to spread lies that would hurt you.

“My children are to inherit the Iron Throne, your grace. This is the highest of treasons,” your mother reasoned, stepping forward to her slouched father as you attempted to reach for her hand to keep you hidden. “Prince Aemond must be sharply questioned so we might learn where he heard such awful slanders.”

As you gazed at your mother, her expression eerily mirroring that of Alicent’s, your lips began to quiver with unease. Was your mother implying that he should be subjected to torture? It seemed unfathomable. She couldn’t possibly be serious.

“Over an insult?” the Queen asked, shaking her head in disbelief. You knew she was trying to protect herself as you glared at the woman you once thought held the moon. “My son has lost an eye!”

“Tell me, boy. Where did you hear such lies?” the King seethed, face a hairsbreadth from Aemond as you whimpered.

“The insult was training yard bluster,” Alicent swiftly reasoned, eyes flicking desperately from her son to her husband. “The lot of boys. ‘Twas nothing-”

“Aemond,” your grandfather interrupted, ignoring his wife’s explanation. “I asked you a question.” 

Your uncle sat in solemn silence, his lone violet eye unwaveringly fixed on the ground while his father awaited his reply. Before he could utter a word, the Queen unexpectedly interjected. 

“Where is Ser Laenor, the children’s father? Perhaps he would have something to say on the matter,” she jeered.

Your grandfather turned, sparse brows scrunching together as he turned to Lord Corlys and Princess Rhaenys. “Yes. Where is Ser Laenor?”

“I do not know, your grace. I… could not find sleep and decided to take a walk,” your mother answered for them, smooth palms wiping across her crimson skirt.

The Queen let out a derisive laugh, her disbelief evident as she shook her head at her old friend. It was impossible to ignore the precise timing of Daemon’s arrival into the Hall of the Nine, trailing just moments behind Rhaenyra with her tousled strands of golden hair. Alicent bore the knowledge of her friend’s calculated machinations, even as Rhaenyra’s children stealthily slipped out of their beds to perpetrate the heinous act of maiming her son. She couldn’t dismiss the nagging suspicion that Ser Laenor was likely engaged in equally treacherous activities.

“Entertaining his young squires, I presume,” Queen Alicent sneered like before, making you feel the same deep-seated ire. 

As no one dared to voice their opposition to her words, a glint of silver caught your eye from the corner, revealing Ser Criston Cole’s silent laughter. Like Ser Harwin, you felt the urge to wipe that smug grin off his tanned face, even though you knew it was impossible.

“Aemond, look at me. Your King demands an answer,” your grandfather began, staggering before your uncle. “Who spoke the lies to you?”

Everything went silent; the roaring of the fire and the crashing of the waves in the darkness were all that could be heard in the Hall. You understood that whoever Aemond implicated might not live til the next morn. You felt your throat grow tight and struggled to breathe, clutching at your throat as you swallowed the acrid taste in your mouth. Queen Alicent told him as you recalled the time in Helaena’s room. It confused you at first why she would spread such gossip as she seemed to hold a tenderness for you. Claiming your brothers were bastards went without saying you were, but you realized that whatever contempt she had within her heart weighed far more significant than any affection for you. 

Some of you wished to shout that it was her, but you realized that was something Alicent would do without a second thought if the roles were reversed, and you did not want to be like her. She was wicked and cruel, just like her eldest.

“It was Aegon. He told Aemond to call us that,” you answered as every pair of eyes flocked to you. You didn’t like how close your grandfather was to him, afraid that he might strike him for the consequences of his mother. You felt your heart lurch into your throat as you gained the courage to speak the words aloud of all the bad things he did to you. “And he… he”

Before you could finish, your mother tucked you into her waist, kneeling and pushing your face into her shoulder. You tried to pull away from her when his hand rested on your head, the welt sensitive to touch. 

“Don’t,” she whispered into your hair, disguising it as a kiss. They deserved to know. Everyone needed to know what awful Aegon did to you. You wanted to move against her, but your mind was foggy and muscles weak.

“Me?” Aegon exclaimed with shock, wide amethyst orbs looking at you with a broken expression. 

“And you, boy,” your grandfather crept towards him, the rhythmic tapping of his cane piercing your skull like an ice pick. “Where did you hear such calumnies?” Your uncle refused to answer him as his gaze bore holes into your being. There was no remorse in your heart for him. “Aegon, tell me the truth of it!” Viserys shouted, causing you to flinch and cover your ears. 

“We know, father,” Aegon replied fearlessly, refusing to remove his stare from your quivering form. “Everyone knows. Just look at them.”

Feeling the stares from the guests, you admired your uncle for not implicating his mother like a coward, removing your body from your mother, wiping the snot from your lip. Let them look, you thought, inhaling a deep breath as you felt your mother bring you closer. They would stare at you for the rest of your days. It was best if you grew accustomed to it now.

“This interminable infighting must cease!” the King declared, banging his walking stick off the pale stone floor. “All of you! We are family! Now, make your apologies and show goodwill to one another. Your father, your grandsire, your King demands it.” 

You grimaced at his words, and though you loved your grandfather, having been his favorite granddaughter, you disagreed with him. You refused to apologize for your family trying to defend themselves, and the Queen couldn’t help but agree more. 

“That is insufficient,” Alicent said, gesturing to her son. “Aemond has been damaged permanently, my King. Goodwill cannot make him whole.” 

Aemond’s fingers dug into the wooden framing of the armchair, and your chin quivered at the thought of what he might be feeling. 

“I know, Alicent,” Viserys sighed, “but I cannot restore his eye.”

“No, because it’s been taken,” she sobbed, clutching at her chest, flicking her hair back in a manner that reminded you of Aegon. “There is a debt to be paid. I shall have the hand of her eldest to one of my sons. To mend the rift and unite the House of the Dragon once more.”

“Alicent,” your grandfather breathed in a warning, yet still turned to his daughter, having a hint of hope in his violet eyes.

You looked at your mother, shock overcoming any sadness you felt as she shoved you behind her skirts like a hen would do to her chick, too stunned to speak. “I refuse.” 

The Queen shook her head, a sneer curling her plump lips and wet cheeks. Rhaenyra was a selfish, wicked woman with no inclination of decency. Why couldn’t she see this would be solved if she returned Alicent’s rightful daughter to her? The Queen steeled herself to the belief that she would have to fight for her right to have you. She knew deep in her bones that you would one day be by her side.

“Then I shall have one of her sons’ eyes in return. The Princess is innocent,” the Queen declared with a desperate wave of tears. 

Aemond looked to his mother, face impassive, and senses dulled from Milk of the Poppy. He didn’t recall telling her about what you did for him, though it was very little. It felt like he was becoming a second thought to his mother, who seemed only to be scheming on how to insert his niece into their lives. Aemond realized then that he would always be second in his mother’s heart to you, and he felt hollow at the thought, the love that once filled it for his niece ceasing to exist.

“Do not allow your temper to guide your judgment,” your grandfather warned Queen Alicent. She said nothing as her chest heaved, brown orbs flicking between her husband and old friend.

Believing the matter finished, the King backed away, but Alicent wouldn’t allow this to be the end. She looked to her sworn protector, an apathetic expression on her visage. 

“If the King will not seek justice, the Queen will. Ser Criston, bring me the eye of Lucerys Velaryon.” Ser Criston looked to the Queen with a startled expression as Luke cried for your mother. “He can choose which eye to keep, a privilege he did not grant my son.”

“You will do no such thing,” your mother steadfastly declared, ensuring the three of you were behind her.

“Stay your hand,” the King commanded as the Queen shook with rage, desperately looking between her husband and sworn protector. She reminded you of a deer cornered in a vast forest, listening to the distant howls of wolves closing in for the hunt.

“No, you are sworn to me!” she yelled, finger pointing to her chest indignantly. All waited for the knight to respond, the Lord Commander slowly bringing his hand to the hilt of his sword.

“Protect your brother,” your mother whispered, never straying her eyes from the Queen. Without further instruction, you stood before Luke, gradually backing him away from the group of people unnoticed. You understood Alicent would not hurt you, as did your mother. 

“As your protector, my Queen,” Ser Criston replied with a wary head tilt.

“Alicent, this matter is finished. Do you understand?” your grandfather declared, seething, his face centimeters away from his wife before he addressed the room. “And let it be known that if anyone’s tongue dares to question, the birth of Rhaenyra’s children should have it removed.” 

Breathing a sigh of relief, you let go of Luke, coming to take your place beside your mother as she thanked the King. The unsheathing of a blade cut through the room as the form of Queen Alicent charged toward your family, startling you, the King’s ancestral dagger in her grasp. Luke screamed as she reached the four of you, but your mother stepped in her path before Alicent could enact her rage. 

Suddenly, a person shoved into you, disregarding your existence as you found yourself on the floor. You noticed how the stone seemed to ebb and wave like the flow of the tide. Lord Corlys appeared beside you, lifting you into his arms, securely bound around your torso as he took you into the circle of your cousins and brothers, your mother struggling against the Queen. 

“You’ve gone too far!” your mother admonished the Queen as tears burned her eyes. She pushed against Alicent, and she jerked against her, trying to get to your brother.

“I?” Queen Alicent exclaimed, voice thick with anguish as you attempted to push out of your grandfather’s arms, kicking your legs into his side. “What have I done, but what was expected of me? Forever upholding the kingdom, the family, and the law while you flout to do as you please?”

“Alicent, let her go!”

The Queen still poised the dagger to strike, its new path being that of the heir to the Iron Throne as your mother looked helplessly to the onlookers. No one made to separate the two as they all stared in shock, the fire illuminating their faces like wraiths of death. Landing a hard smack to Lord Corlys’s neck, he dropped you as you shoved through the onlookers toward your mother. She put her life for yours and your brothers, but who would put hers before theirs? 

“Where is duty? Where is sacrifice? My happiness and dreams? It’s templed under your pretty foot again!” the Queen sobbed, her form trembling with hurt and rage, everything that she bottled inside her for years. 

“Release the blade, Alicent,” Lord Otto commanded, a man you hadn’t met until this morn, but she paid him no mind, adrenaline coursing through her veins as she pushed against her old friend. 

“Wasn’t taking her, my only light, enough for you? And now you take my son’s eye, and to that, you feel entitled,” she confessed, tears making the Queen’s mouth thick with wetness as you shouldered your way to the inner circle of people. 

“Exhausting, wasn’t it? Hiding beneath the cloak of your own righteousness,” your mother interrogated, a bitter grimace on her sharp lips. “But now they see you as you are.”

Alicent stared at your mother with an enraged offense that wrinkled her brows as she felt fire surge through her, and with a loud cry, she unthinkingly swung your family’s ancestral dagger. You screamed, running to your mother as you pulled her back, seeing a gash on her inner arm that gushed with blood. 

“Mama,” you wept, tenderly holding her limb as if it would break. 

Dropping the dagger, Alicent took an instinctual step toward you, a blanched, horror-stricken expression across her round face. She longed to go to you, to dry your tears and stroke your head against her bosom like your true mother would, but she could not. The terror and fear in your wide brown eyes that resembled her own sliced through her chest and laid her heart and soul bare as she felt a small hand slide into hers. The Queen hoped to see you standing beside her and thought herself mad before she securely took her son’s fist.

Much like you, Aemond knew his parent needed him. “Do not mourn me, mother. ‘Twas a fair exchange,” he expressed with a maturity beyond his years. He turned to you, a violet gaze once filled with joy now devoid, hollow, and one less eye. “I may have lost an eye but gained a dragon.”

You wished Aemond hadn’t claimed one this way and felt a hiccup wrack your lungs as you cried into your mother, Jace, and Luke coming beside you. You sadly realized this was the end of the fleeting companionship you cultivated with your uncle. All the stolen moments of reading, ideas, philosophies, and aspirations you shared under the cover of privacy were nothing more than air the moment he ran across the dunes. You would have still cared for him without a dragon, as before, but his pride wouldn’t allow it, and now he stared at you with an eye that you knew far too well. 

Aemond hated you. He loathed you and your brothers with a fire that would never cease. This was your fault. He lost an eye because of you—because he cared about his bastard niece and had the foolish dream of becoming the man you loved. You did not deserve it. You were nothing more than a common girl born from sin, undeserving of your station. He would despise you for the rest of his days no matter how his heart screamed to have you by his side when darkness fell and all that was left was the ghost of your touch. 

Masterlist of Series

Spotify Playlist

Happiness never lasts in ASOIAF. I'm going to miss writing for baby Aemond and reader. They were so cute! From now on it's going to be messed up young adults with severe mommy uses and mental illness. I'm not going to say who has which XD. Thank y'all so much for reading and I hope to see y'all in the next chapter!

Tagged Peeps: @millies0bsimp, @britt-mf, @marvelescvpe, @haikyuusboringassmanager, @discofairysworld, @lottiemsgf , @nessjo , @fiction-fanfic-reader , @qvnthesia , @hotvillianapologist , @p45510n4f4shi0n, @theendlessvoidofdarkest , @readerselegance , @gothamgurl2024 , @aleemendoza2425-blog , @vaylint

[pajamas-lipstick]

The last 4 episodes have been such a rollercoaster and full of so many great moments - comedic and beautiful and heartbreaking.

The thing i can't get over in both the original version of events around Sol's attack and the current one she's working to prevent is how damn brave Sun Jae is. In both scenarios he has an unrequited crush on someone who barely notices him and yet he fiercely and courageously not only saves Sol but is determined to bring the perpetrator to justice. His witness statement was so clear and just and calm - he was unflinching in the face of danger. We see this echoed in his statement to Sol that he's ok with getting hurt if he can protect her - he loves her yes, but he's also a fundamentally brave and heroic person, who trusts his heart - just as Sol is. As so many others have said, they are both reaching out through time, space and fate to rescue each other. Sol also trusts her heart and is similarly unflinching in her pursuit of a happy ending for Sun Jae, no matter what it costs her. I would bet on her too, if I were in Sun Jae's place. I believe our cute little bulldozer can do anything!

Going backwards, episode 8 was a blinder in so many ways - the meeting on the bridge after so many near misses the previous episode, the echoes from the beginning of their story, the umbrella! Then watching Sun Jae slowly morph from a cool, unruffled superstar to his sweet, awkward teen self the longer he was around Sol was just lovely. Her presence allowed him to be himself, truly.

I haven't even got to Im Sol's confession in the present - my goodness, what a breathtaking declaration of love. The acting from both was just gorgeous here - you could feel the release and relief of all that pain and longing. And after Sun Jae repeatedly made himself vulnerable it was time for her to do the same. I especially loved Kim Hye Yoon's startled reaction in the lift after actually telling him how she felt and Byeon Woo Seok's delirious, overwhelmed delight in his car after. And that kiss!! One for the ages and I love so much that she initiated it and crossed the last divide between them. I think I saw that was Woo Seok's suggestion when they were blocking the scene? which...makes me swoon even more, honestly (as if that was possible).

I love Detective Kim's doggedness in pursuit - he feels like a man who can get the bad guy. Indeed, all the 'adult' characters here are reassuring in the best ways and I agree with all the theories about a bit of magic around Halmeoni, too. Taesung was Ep 10's MVP for me and he's definitely got more of a role to play in changing fate. There's still six episodes to go after all (how on earth am i going to cope with the stress?!?!)

I am absolutely convinced it will be a happy ending. The lightness of touch and genuine laugh out loud moments every episode are setting the tone for a happy conclusion. Plus, there's no pre-determined feeling here (looking at you, Moon in the Day), rather the opposite. We are being shown over and over that a kind and unselfish heart can work miracles. They're not going through it for nothing, i just know it.

[buddiebeginz]

Want to talk about some things since I keep seeing the topic in fandom in light of the wedding ep coming up.

First I keep seeing people say that most Buddie shippers want Buck and Eddie to cheat at the wedding and we don’t care who gets hurt we just want to see them together. This isn’t true most Buddie shippers don’t want their relationship to start this way.

I also feel like some of you may not understand that going on a date (or two) with someone does not mean you are exclusive with that person. A conversation needs to be had for this to happen. Now maybe when you personally date you only see one person at a time and you expect the person you’re seeing to do the same but that doesn’t mean that’s how everyone operates.

Buck likes Tommy and has kissed Tommy once (that we’ve seen). Held Tommy’s hand (once that we’ve seen). Gone on one date that ended in the middle rather badly and one coffee date where Buck rather impetuously invited him to be his date to his sister’s wedding. But everything with Buck and Tommy is still incredibly new. As far as I see it and unless something changes in 7x06 Buck is not exclusive to Tommy. There hasn’t been talk of Tommy being Buck’s boyfriend and frankly I think it's too early for that.

Eddie on the other hand is in what seems to be an exclusive relationship with Marisol. They haven’t been together for long but he did ask her to move in (even if he did ask her to move out again).

If in fact Buck and Eddie were to kiss or anything more it would be Eddie who would be cheating not Buck.

But as I said most Buddie shippers didn't wait six years for our ship to start out with a drunken kiss they have to feel guilty over. What we really want is a moment, a look, some kind of hint from the show that will let us know they're planning on moving forward with Buddie as the season progresses and into season 8.

I do think the wedding would be one of the best places for us to get one of our first oh moments from the guys. Maybe a look between them while the vows are read and or a look either between them or from one watching the other while they're dancing with someone else. I don't think they'll even be time for something like a kiss even if we wanted that because I think this ep is going to be mostly focused on Chim and Maddie as well it should be it's their wedding day. But considering they put the guys into what is essentially a couples costume and we saw that they're going to be all huddled up singing karaoke it's possible we'll get something.

[bengiyo]

Boys Be Brave Eps 7 & 8 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, Jeong Gi Seop finally recognized his feelings for Kim Jin Woo when he saw the way he was looking at Jin Woo. Jin Woo spiraled on his own, and when he turned his phone back on learned that Gi Seop had traveled to see his dad. Meanwhile, Balgeum had the most embarrassing experience possible when he misread a coupon on his date with Ji In Ho, and also had to turn down an expensive gift.

Episode 7: The gift I wanted to receive

Curious what document is so important that we have multiple people hopping on trains to get it. Ah, trains.

Oh right, Gi Seop saw Jin Woo with Kang Hye Jin on the swings during the first snow and misunderstood.

Gi Seop, I appreciate the energy here, but don’t tear up someone’s work.

Mhmm, and now you’re embarrassed.

Unsurprised that Jin Woo is claiming he tore the papers.

This boy loves his lists. It may be late, but I’m glad Jin Woo’s dad recognizes that he let this huge gulf grow between him and his son.

Gi Seop’s face is definitely more attractive when he’s looking at Jin Woo thoughtfully or fondly. He’s mostly looked confused for most of the show.

My boy Balgeum is not doing well.

Big fan of the planetarium date.

Damn, ending on the confession not being accepted kinda hurt. On the one hand I’m glad Gi Seop can potentially say no, but on the other hand he’s been flirting with this man for weeks.

Episode 8: A promise to recognize it at first “sight”

Why is he back in this wig?

Okay, ya boi needed to handle his business before committing to Jin Woo.

Yes, remove these hair extensions immediately!

Wow, they actually did remove them.

Glad we’re finally doing a wellness check on Choi Balgeum.

I suppose Kim Jin Woo has been studying economics and finance, so he’s a good person for Balgeum to talk to.

I love Kang Hye Jin. I want to see her beat someone up who deserves it.

Ji In Ho and Choi Bal Geum really hit every time.

Korean speakers, can y’all check in with me about what Choi Balgeum meant about becoming a better person? I feel kinda bummed that he thinks he’s a bad person because his parents got saddled with debt.

Final Verdict: 7, This is an Easy Watch as a BL. I really struggled while watching the first six episodes of this show because I felt old internalized homophobia stirring in the reasons Kim Jin Woo and Choi Balgeum were holding back in their relationships, and this is becoming something I am having a harder time with BL flirting with lately. It feels like multiple shows in close succession try to straddle this line between the bubble of BL land where everyone is potentially queer and the real world where there are consequences for being queer. I don’t think this show was as elegant about it as Our Dating Sim and so it won’t become something I return to frequently because it created a low-level dissonance for me the entire time (and I also feel kinda sad that the sides didn’t get as much as I wanted). However, I really liked the flavor of the drama between Choi Balgeum and Ji In Ho. I thought it was a really attractive show to watch with good performances. I also think Kim Sung Hyeon was really compelling to watch as Kim Jin Woo. I think he’s extremely talented and has excellent control of his expressions and body to consistently contextualize what his character is feeling.

[grace-williams-xo]

There is much discussion on the internet about how many seasons of Bridgerton we’ll get, and how it will be approached. I have a wild theory, if you wanna TLDR and skip the ramblings then scroll down to the bold.

While 8 seems far fetched, a lot of people are thinking 6 but I increasingly don’t even think that will happen (or if it does, it won’t happen well).

Jonny has said he’s committed to Bridgerton, and making whatever he projects he gets work around it, and that he/kanthony will be at all the siblings weddings. His commitment to the show and increasing career is well displayed in s3. He’s only in the first of the four eps (tbd for the second half, let’s hope more!) but he filmed Fellow Travellers at the same time (watch it if you haven’t) and Wicked also at a similar time. I think we can count on him/kanthony making at minimum 1–2 appearances per season, regardless of how long it lasts.

Arguably the other biggest star of the show rn is Nicola, so will be interesting to see what she does in Bridgerton s4. There’s a trend of the lead actor/s taking a back seat in the season following their spotlight, so wouldn’t be surprising if it happened also with Polin/Nicola and Luke Newton.

Now, the core of the issue is the remaining stories. (Preface, I haven’t read any of the books but I know most of the general plots). Consensus is that Benedict will be s4; and (or maybe but) all the s3 Benedict press is talking about him going through changes, evolution and inching toward the marriage mart. One could say this is set up for s4, but that doesn’t feel entirely right to me. The only plot that needs the set up is Polin because of the friends to lovers arc, and we got that in s2. (If there’s more benophie set up that makes sense that I’m not aware of, let me know!)

While I know Francesca is popular with book readers, and her character steps up in s3, we can agree that the next most popular sibling is Eloise. Eloise’s story is also the most hotly debated about how authentic the show should be to the books. I know many book readers want Eloise’s story to stay mostly as it is, and while the more I read about it the more I come around to it, I think that a problem is posed by the fact that Marina’s character is much more significant and invested in the series than the books (so I hear).

On the note of Gregory and Hyacinth, I also think that the viewers are too attached and invested to them as children to want to see them as serious romantic partners with anyone. This isn’t even touching on the fact s8 would be released in (crikey I just did the maths) probably 2030 or 2031 😭

In my head there are three possible options for the future of the show. (Four, three good options).

1. Six seasons: with Benedict, Eloise and Francesca all getting a season. (Approx 2025, 2027 and 2028 release) (I think this would be the best option if the got their act together and made/released the seasons faster, but as the actors get busier I don’t see that happening)

2. Five seasons: with Benedict and Eloise getting a season. (The best (realistic) option imo).

3. Four seasons: Benedict season four, no Eloise. (The worst option imo).

4. Four seasons: Benedict season three AND four, Eloise season four. This is kinda why I made this post. Stay with me, hear me out.

All the indications that Benedict is evolving and stepping into the marriage mart this season make me think that they could be doing a lot more set up/start of the story than necessary for a brother who isn’t the lead yet. Beneloise are such an iconic duo that I think them falling in love together would be so fun. If they followed the book, then Eloise’s love is kinda long distance anyway. If they did do something different with Eloise (contentious, ik, I’m in two minds) and made her queer and/or not get married then it could also work well.

I don’t think this is the best outcome, I just think it might be the best outcome if we only get four seasons. The actors are all increasingly busy, and many (Claudia and Nicola especially) are already playing characters far younger than their characters.

Please let me know your thoughts on this rambling, especially if you’ve read the books. Tell me what will or won’t work!

–GW xo

[ladydaybreaker]

So...about that new MD Episode...

Totally me not figuring out how to use this freaking site, ha...

Yes, hello! First time ACTUALLY legit posting on this thing. So! For people following the Ad Astra, Per Aspera series...how 'bout that new episode huh?

I know that you guys are thinking that imma have to redo "Memento Nori" and possibly "To Stay In Heaven, For Fear of Your Creation" and "To Serve In Heaven, Or Rule In Hell" because of things that came to light...and here's my official answer.

HELL NO.

I did nearly 50 chapters of work based on stuff that I inferred from watching the previous episodes, had that near six month waiting period to stew and simmer over what possibly happened. And...I don't want to redo it. I'm proud of all three of them (even if "Memento Nori" is getting some slight tweaks to make it fit better with the later installments...it's nothing MAJOR).

I'm currently working on "What Friends Are For" chapter 34 (which is also undergoing some slight tweaks) and, with the help of my awesome friends, we've come up with some fun reasons for why things in ep 7 happened without breaking what happened in the prior ones.

ESPECIALLY regarding Tessa and our new cast member.

I will admit, I am going slightly canon divergent with things because I've had things mapped out for "A Universe of Suns, Moons, and Stars" that I really want to keep. This includes a character that might not be there for episode 8 judging by what we've seen. So, I'm taking their advice and "Fighting back".

I know I've been kinda lauded, undeservedly to be honest, about doing a good canon+ series. Unfortunately with the story I want to tell...it might not be what happens. After all...I was wrong about the Disassemblers' origins haha.

However, this does not apply for "Cross the Jaded Stars". That one I will be following Canon (for the most part. I'm spicing things up for that one. Hey, gotta make my swap unique, y'know!)

That being said, thank you all for sticking with me, if I lose you because I'm not rewriting near 50 chapters to better fit with what happened in canon, I'm sorry. But...I'm proud of Ad Astra as a series. It's my child of paper and printers ink...and I want to raise it to be the best it can. Even if that means classifying it as a "Fix-it" series at the end.

[bobbys-not-that-small]

LW&Co Series Commentary - Ep 8: "Not The Eternal"

Here's the rewatch commentary that no one asked for! Take a shot every time I say "erasure". Context: my 2nd time watching the show, but first time post reading the books

Part: one, two, three, four & five, six, seven, eight

The last part!! Hope these weren’t too completely out-of-context, but it’s just an excuse for you to rewatch the show ;)

They really used the hell out of the ghost lamps for cinematic shots huh? Also it's literally probably the same single prop for all of them, so where's its credits then?

They must be FREEZING, at night, dripping wet, Lucy's literally in a dress with no jacket

"This doesn't feel like winning" oof really giving those death-wish Lockwood TEG vibes

Also just want to point out here in the last installment Lockwood's funny rectangular tie

OH MY GOSH YEAH little Lockwood pre LW&Co and George but also post-Jess?? BOY NEEDS A HUG

Why is it always "I forgive you" and never "Grenadier Guard or Policeman?"

Joplin's glittery silver scarf looks a bit like a silver net - wonder if it offers any ghost protection?

Joplin: "I need you" - exactly what George just needs one of the others to say to him 😭

I love that it's implied that Kipps is really really good at tailing people without them noticing (I guess this is book canon too, Mr fence-painter extraordinaire)

The catafalque is sooooo creepy but also kind of cool

YESS KIPPS but also no wonder he's terrified, he's starting to lose his sight (oops, beat George to it!)

Lucy: "stop glowing so much! that was to the skull btw" Lockwood: " yeah no kidding, I got that one"

In the first shot where Kat and Bobby square up to fight Lockwood, you can't see Bobby's rapier so it looks like he's just brought his fists to a swordfight hahaha

He does look suitably smol in that bit though, I approve (anyway he's not THAT small after all)

HI NED

REMEMBER, JUST RECKLESS ENOUGH, OK? *cue me sobbing*

Winkman's so funny "wait guys before we fight them I need to take off my jacket so I can fight them in my tank top and be all cool”

YES BOBBY!!! <3

NO BOBBY!!!!

Kipps hun, ru crying?

YES KAT

Oh wait guys, pay attention, we're about to be ROBBED of the no glasses George looking moment

ALSO Joplin and George glasses-less fight erasure

ALIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Oof good evil lighting on Lou (Joplin)

The Lucy/George friendship is the best (see La Belle Dame from TEG)

Lockwood's responses are literally me every time the Golden Blade shows up. He's just a less iconic version of Sir Rupert Gale - where's the unbearable aftershave and gaudy tweed suit? *Lockwood voice* BoRiNg!

Lol Kipps in the bag

I don't like the artistic choice of the "looking into the bone glass" SFX, but I do think it's cool to have Lucy falling and hanging from the skull

George saves the day obviously

Kipps: "...guys.... nice wholesome moment... still in the bag here..."

Lucy: "this is not how you die" Lockwood: "how do you know?" Lucy: "because... we won't let you" IS THE HESISTATION BECAUSE SHE'S JUST SEEN THAT VISION OF FROZEN GHOST TOUCHED LOCKWOOD?!?!?! DONT HURT ME LIKE THAT

Kipps, my burnt out early 20s beloved <3

Stupid time to point this out but I kind of hate-love the little trouser stirrups of the Fittes uniforms

Barnes: "you guys are being suspiciously compliant but for once I'm going to ignore it"

Obviously the room! And Lockwood in orange socks (or are they pink? I guess I’ll never know)

K bye, hope you enjoyed!

[darling-wendy]

episode 10 had to happen

(i.e. Kazuki and Rei had to lose Miri so they could properly choose her)

In my last meta post I said this: [I could write a whole screed about how ep 10 was a necessary--at least a highly valuable--story beat, but this post is already very long. Some other time, perhaps. ]

It's time!

Misaki coming back for Miri in episode 10 is a plot point that I've seen get a lot of dislike—and even hate—from fans of the series. Emotionally, I get it. The sweet, chaotic order of the family we'd come to know and love ends up abruptly upended and all for a character that was already disliked. But I've always maintained that it was necessary, for multiple reasons. The obvious one is the in-universe rationale: the organisation—Suwa Shigeki specifically—has taken note of Miri and the fact that she's apparently been adopted by Rei.

(One thing that took me a couple watches to realise was that Shigeki had to have pre-arranged for someone to go tail Kazuki and Miri at the supermarket before he messaged for Rei to return. After Ogino splits off from Rei near the end of episode 8, we see him go to Yadogiri and give Kyu the above photo. That was from earlier in the episode.)

This is an active, looming threat to her life. In order to get ahead of it, Kyu contacts Misaki so she can take Miri away. The fact that Shigeki was already interested enough to have a dossier created is precisely why it doesn't work—it's too paltry an offering for such a ruthless and single-minded individual. We already saw him have the romantic partner of one of his men, Kaji Satoru, be brutally killed as collateral damage. But something had to be attempted and it wasn't a terrible idea.

The other reason is displayed at the very end of episode 11. Narratively, for the Kurusuwa family to be real, they have to choose each other and fight to keep each other.

In episode 1, the three of them cross paths of the first time in the form of Miri running into the special lift and getting herself right in the middle of their hit, making it chaotic and messy and nearly getting killed in the process. Kazuki uses her as an excuse to get out of the building before the police arrive, and he takes her back tot heir place because there's no other choice for them in the moment. At home, they find out that their mark was her bio dad.

In episode 2, they find out that Miri's mother sent her away because she doesn't want to raise her anymore. They try to get info out of Miri about her mother so they can send her back, but she's too little to be of help. They then resort to "slyly" asking Kyu (drawing his suspicions in the process lol). While they're there, they end up accepting a job that they ultimately end up taking Miri along with. It's a terrible decision and a whole shit show. The job implodes, Miri and Kazuki are almost killed, Kyu is pissed at them. But they get the info they need about Misaki's whereabouts.

In episode 3, they set out to send Miri back to her mother they way they have been scheming to do since she stumbled into their path. Despite their previous stance on Miri, Rei surprisingly (?) shows reluctance to send her back and Kazuki clearly isn't ecstatic to be doing it either. But it's the "right" thing to do, so off they go. While Rei is embracing the idea of being a parental figure to Miri for the first time, Misaki is— quite predictably—rejecting Miri when Kazuki shows up. So, Miri is effectively abandoned and orphaned by her two legal parents, leaving her in the care of the two guys who killed her father. And, like a lot of things, Rei and Kazuki don't really talk about it.

"For three?" Rei asks.

"For three," Kazuki confirms.

"Got it."

And that's it. This child falls into their laps, they make a single failed attempt to give her to a relative, and then for the next six episodes, we watch them try to shape themselves into becoming her parents. It's easy to get sucked into the story and forget (or at least not actively think about) the fact that they didn't deliberately adopt this child (or birth her, the way Kazuki's mind has gone the extra mile to implant lol) and that they ostensibly didn't want her at the start. Then episode 10 happens and the reality check comes.

By this point, they want to keep Miri and they initially argue with Misaki about her motives and her timing. But there really is nothing else to be done except capitulate and give Miri up. They have to let her go. It hurts, but it also gives weight and meaning to when they ultimately resolve to be a family for good. The second time around, it involves actually getting out of hitman work, which was something they hadn't felt moved to do when Miri simply ended up with them the first time.

I know another part of the reason some people don't like this plot point is the pacing, that they get her back one episode after giving her up, but that's never bothered me 🤷🏽‍♀️ Shigeki was always going to escalate the situation into triple homicide and I personally think that a whole episode of 'Miri hangs out with Misaki, oblivious to her change in living arrangements, while Rei and Kazuki sulk and pine' would be dragging the separation out for the sake of it. Their depression and misery and regression, down to Rei finally giving up and deciding to head back to Shigeki, is more than enough for me.

I'm aware that some people also don't like it because it bring Misaki back just to kill her off in the next episode and, controversially (??) I'm fine with that too. Not in a vindictive 'I hate Misaki' kind of way, just purely in a 'it raises the stakes and also permanently ties up a loose end' kind of way.

[hoppipolla]

I’m curious, what did you think of the first two episodes of jazz for two?

Hi Shawn! I’m sorry for the late reply but I wanted to take my time to write you my answer to your ask.  

Here are my thoughts on the first six eps (I was able to watch the next four eps in the meantime so I thought why not share more than what you’ve asked ><).

Let’s start with the things I don’t really like to end on a nice note.

Doyoon

I’ve told you before but I think he’s the most interesting character from the webtoon and I have mixed feelings with the way he was written in the drama adaptation. I feel like Hangyeom has a pretty solid understanding of the character so I’m blaming the writing on this one.

In the webtoon, I feel like Doyoon is the kind of character you easily misunderstand at first glance. He looks like the typical guy who acts first and thinks later. Although he appears easy-going, he’s also really attentive and thoughtful so whenever he does something, he’d think of the consequences first. He catches on quickly and since he’s attentive, he notices things that most people miss. That’s why I couldn’t comprehend why the screenwriter chose to make him look for his best friend’s house for a whole afternoon. That makes no sense to me. Taeyi is his best friend. Of course he’d know his address.

Doyoon and Jooha’s romance

One of the things that bothers me most about this drama is the pacing and the way the story unfolds.

I’ve never been a fan of Jooha but I think the webtoon makes you sympathise with him a bit more than the drama.

In the webtoon, you first get Jooha’s backstory, then you get Doyoon’s pov and learn that he likes him. The fact that the drama chose to first show Jooha being all weird and cruel and then proceeded to let us hear Doyoon’s thoughts about his feelings for him made me uncomfy. It makes it look as if Doyoon is in love with a bully and it’s just messed up. Jungha is a bully but he’s also someone who’s completely lost and doesn’t know what to do with all the feelings he has stifled inside. He’s not emotionally mature and it really shows in his behaviour. Doyoon falls in love with him because he sees right through him. Because he can see the man Jooha can be and he chooses to believe in him. But the drama doesn’t make that clear and so it kinda ruins the romance between the two of them. The source material isn’t helping to be honest because their romance is quite unhealty at the beginning. The drama toned it down but, in the past, Jooha didn’t break Doyoon’s elbow or wrist, he broke his ankle! Imagine how violent this is. And then the webtoon went on showing Doyoon being all forgiving because he knows that deep down Jooha regrets it and that Jooha has things to figure out and Doyoon is aware of it so it’s all good. I’m being a bit mean here but it’s quite ridiculous to be honest. Doyoon plays basketball and practices hard so imagine having a broken ankle. What Jooha did was plain cruel.  

But it’s really fun seeing Hangyeom act. Plus, his acting is quite natural. I hope he’ll get more opportunities to improve his skills!

I’m also a bit bitter because their first kiss was so rushed. It happens much later in the webtoon and the stakes are different.   

Storytelling

Another thing I don’t like is how they make everything so obvious. You’re not supposed to know that Doyoon likes Jooha from episode 1. The way they made Doyoon’s gaze linger on Jooha… They really didn’t have to make it that obvious. It’s as if the director was scared we wouldn’t get the hints. So, he didn’t give us a choice and made sure we got the message. (How could we not get it?)

I wouldn’t call Taeyi and Seheon’s romance a slowburn but they do take a bit of time to understand their feelings. However, the opening scene is them looking as if they’re kissing. Again, why make things so obvious from the very start? This drama has only 8 eps so things are bound to happen fast. There was no need to spoil the romance between Taeyi and Seheon so early on. Everyone is expecting it anyway so I don’t know what the director thought it would add to start with such a scene.

Cinematography

I know it’s the same directing team as A Shoulder To Cry On but there are so many similar shots. It doesn’t feel like a directing style. It just feels lazy, as if the director has copy-pasted shots and thought no one would notice. (again)

The cinematography is okay but I keep on noticing similarities and it bothers me a bit, hence my rather harsh comment.  

But I’ve watched till ep 6 so I’ve obviously enjoyed some bits!

The cast

I think the casting director did a great job choosing the four main actors. Jin Kwon is the perfect Seheon: his facial expressions fit the character so well. They’re the perfect match.

In the webtoon, Taeyi has the saddest eyes. He wears a mournful expression and although it took me a while to warm up to the artist’s style, I was touched by the way they drew Taeyi’s forlorn look. I think Ho Geun does an okay job overall. There are some moments where he perfectly pulls it off though (the scene where he looks at old videos of his brother for instance or when he looks at Seheon who has fallen asleep next to him).  

Ho Geun makes me like Taeyi way more than when I re-read the webtoon (I don’t remember if I liked him on my first read) although I don’t really know why ><

I like Joo Ha’s micro-expressions and his presence matches with how I imagined Jooha would behave (his voice, his body language, etc.).

The plot

The drama changed the whole plot of the webtoon and I don’t mind it. The webtoon doesn’t have a plot per se. That’s why there are so many kissing scenes that act as fillers (imo). The plot is basically the characters’ journey and their development.

So, I liked that they added the whole ensemble project in the drama. Very dramatic (Taeyi’s entrance I mean) but it was fun to watch.  

Not sure if you’re interested in these but here are some differences between the webtoon and the drama:

If I remember correctly, Seheon was never home-schooled nor was he made to study classical music. I don’t think his brother was ever mentioned either.

Doyoon doesn’t play the drums.

Seheon thought Doyoon and Taeyi were a thing, not Jungha and Taeyi. (I feel like my wording is confusing… Hope you got my point!).

The rooftop is Doyoon and Taeyi’s hiding place to smoke.

Seheon’s mom forbade him to play the piano that’s why he only practiced at school.

Joohee is much more fleshed-out in the drama than in the webtoon and I appreciate that!

The first song Seheon plays is “Autumn Leaves” which was Taejoon’s (Taeyi’s brother) favourite song. That’s why Taeyi reacts so strongly when he hears Seheon playing.

Taeyi’s uncle appears much later in the webtoon.

Joohee’s gives Taeyi’s overcooked cookies and not chocolate and it’s funny because Doyoon and Seheon end up tasting them and it tastes so bad that Seheon forces Taeyi to eat one as well.

This got way too long. I’m so sorry >< I’d love to hear your thoughts on this drama as well!

[hughungrybear]

Me while watching Cherry Magic Thailand Ep. 1:

It's finally here!!!! TayNew, my beloved 😭😭😭😭 I guess while everyone (who saw the original Japanese series) would be comparing this remake to the original, I would just bask in the glory that TayNew is back 😭😭😭😭

1. I must say, I love how we are getting all these amazing views of Thailand during the introduction. Most BLs centred on cityscapes are mostly filled with buildings, modern architecture, and urban traffic - not Thai suburbs. It's a nice change of pace.

2. I will always be amazed with how multilingual Tay Tawan is. The man does not have any problem learning a new language as opposed to myself who would turn the subs on irl if I could because I can never absorb foreign words even when I wanted to 😭😭😭

3. I think it's a nice touch that they have brought a Japanese guest in the mix. It's like a meta (official) hand-off of this Japanese series to Thailand.

4. I have the same question when I first watched the original - how "virgin" are you supposed to be to gain a magical power like Achi's? 😅😅😅 Absolutely no kiss, touch, or anything of that sort (even, y'know, "self-support")??? Curious minds would like to know 😅😅😅

5. I know it is a remake but I am just rolling with laughter looking at Achi's face when he realised he is Karan's crush. 😂 I have to be careful not to make too much ruckus as it is literally dawn where I am and I might wake the whole fam up 😅😅😅

6. Again, so meta (and cheeky) of this series to show the actual wiki page of the manga 😂😂😂

7. Junior looks so young in this series compared to when he played the professor in Midnight Museum 😄 Also, romance novelists are definitely the last person one would want to ask advise on love. Either they are too idealistic or too jaded. Neither will give good advise 😅😅😅

8. That cat is either pregnant or badly needs an exercise 😅😅😅 Either way, it looks very cuddly 😭😭😭

9. Sing and Jan. I have been shipping these two irl for a long time now 😅😅😅 Also, Asian office curse is effing real. Everyone is expected to work more than what they are being paid for. You'll get more than a few raised eyebrows if you dared go home at exactly 5PM even when you have finished all your work on time.

I think I have read somewhere that if your crush does not fade after six months, then it might just be love. Karan's "crush" has been going strong for seven years. It's obvious that Karan is so far gone now 😂 Anyway, so far so good with this remake. It gives me the exact ridiculously good feelings of the original. 😊

[chalkrevelations]

Oh. Oh, dear.

So I'm actually looking in on We Are, and I think I'm just going to have to file this under "not my bag."

I am. Oh. Oh, I'm literally only watching for the Winny and Satang bits, already. Their characters are genuinely the only couple thing I'm actually enjoying? Mn, I'm kind of OK with Ciize's Obligatory Female Side Character, but we only see her for 1.36 minutes per ep, so it certainly would not be enough to keep me watching.

I can see why they went ahead and gave me a scene of Toey making cow eyes at Q while Q guides Toey's hand through shading three minutes into the first ep, because the promise of more of that is, tbqh, the only thing that got me through that interminable, excruciating drinking/drunk sequence that then took up a good third of Ep 1.

I can see why they dangled the drunken lap nap in front of me during the preview for Ep 2 - because it is, again tbqh, the only thing that made me start watching Ep 2 - and I can then see why they saved it for the last six minutes of the ep, to string me along on the promise of finally seeing that scene. (I do appreciate them hitting me with the "Nong" as a reward.)

And I can see why they hit me with the clay tussle in the preview for Ep 3, because quite frankly, it's the only reason I'm getting ready to hit "play" on this ep. Particularly given the way they made it look like Toey is going to be a tiny bit more assertive. Not that I'm not living for watching Satang doing ... what is the Thai equivalent of saijiao, because I'm not entirely sure it's reached the actual level of bratting? Yet? Or maybe it has?

Anyway, I'm not going to get my hopes up that they'll do something with a little bit of depth, character-wise, as we move into an artistic medium that we haven't seen Q work in so far, and where we therefore have the potential to see some leveling of ground, if it's a medium that Toey has more of an affinity for - even if I wish that would happen. I've seen precisely 47 seconds of this show so far that make me think it has any more depth than a puddle after a 30-second rainstorm (YES, Peem, simplicity can be good!), and I frankly have little hope of seeing anything further on that front.

So, here's where I'm at: I have no pre-existing emotional investment in a PondPhuwin pairing because I got irritated at NLMG about one-third of the way in and then fast-forwarded through the rest to watch the Chopper cut. I'm tired of GMMTV trying to hand me (Engineering) bullies and creeps who the narrative wants me to think are a-OK! no, really! - tired enough that I don't even care to spend enough time with the PhumPeem storyline to find out whether Peem full-on Penelopes that painting and has to re-paint it every night or if he just finishes fixing it and then lies about it, saying it's not done, in order to spend more time as Phum's "slave." I'm a tiny bit sad about all that, because I'm finding Peem 1.75x more interesting than what I've seen Phuwin do up until now, but I have zero hope that Peem's going to make Phum actually pay for being the asshole he is. I'm absolutely not the audience for the super-broadly comedic, practically cartoonish, bit they appear to be doing with Aou. And who's this kid .... Pun? - I need him to be at least one-half as stupid as he appears to be if they're going to drag him out in his pajamas, get him shit-faced drunk, and harass him while filming him for posterity - or I need all that to be an actual issue, which I do not trust will happen.

Also, the writing is ... not good. Particularly the supposed banter during friend-group scenes. Maybe it's actually translation's fault, how try-hard it all sounds, but with everything else going on, I'm not going to count on that.

I probably need to wait for a QToey supercut and just watch that, but I can't guarantee that will happen, so I guess I'm going to fast-forward through 8 more eps and hope the bits and pieces of Phum's smug, punchable face that I actually see don't make me throw the remote control at my screen.

[thesiriusmoon]

Alligator Valley

Summary: there’s a not so new agent in town, and Bonnie is helping out on her first case with him. A cannibal case in Florida.

Characters: Bonnie McBride (OC), Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia

AU: Criminal Minds

Episode: Lucky (S3, Ep 8)

AN: follows canon but I tweak it to fit my story lol

TW: Possible mentions for gore and death, drugs use, abuse (all aspects).

Please reblog and like!! It really helps me out <3

———————————

A couple of days had gone by since Bonnie physically saw her mother, nor heard much from her at all. She was always away, and it had taken a bit of a toll of her mood. Second guessing whether or not her mother really wanted her anymore. No text messages to let her know she’s alright, just things about microwave dinners and pop tarts. Ever since Bonnie could, she had worked. From age 14 earning $5 an hour. She helped pay the bills and whatever was left was for school work and clothes. Now that she had this assistants job she had felt a little lighter. Not having to worry too much about what she would have left over, but that didn’t stop her mother from disappearing for days. The longest was two weeks then one day she walked in, drunk out of her mind Bonnie was amazed she could stand, and walked straight past her and into bed. The next morning ate cereal from the same table without lifting her head, continuously scratching her arm full of needle piercings.

The woman she looked at was not the same in old photographs when she was a baby or toddler. Her brown hair was thin and greying at only forty. Her skin so tight that Bonnie could see her mothers cheekbones and ribs as clearly as she could see her eyes. It made her wonder, if she was watching her mother wither away.

Bonnie had became quite agitated. Everything said to her must have been against her. If she were asked to do her job she’d take it as being bossed around, but would comply quietly, seething under her breath. Or if she had been given constructive criticism she would convince herself it was because someone didn’t think she could handle her own.

David Rossi was quite the character. She had read one of his books before. Detailing his journey from the army, to the FBI. It was really quite interesting. She never thought she’d be standing in the same room with the man who caught Ryland Posey. The man who set off five bombs, almost six, if David Rossi hadn’t gotten to him in time. The man was made of stone. Every time Bonnie were in his presence she found that she was too intimated to talk. His legacy was bigger than her whole life.

He spoke sternly and low, creeping her out a little bit. Also adding to her quiet teeth gritting as she didn’t like how much of a know-it-all he could be. Speaking to the team as if he owned them.

It was an hour after starting her shift, 11am, when her phone beeped, and the team were getting ready to leave for Florida.

Before Bonnie could get to the jet first like always, Penelope had appeared, popping out of nowhere, and grabbed her arms with haste. “Guess what!” Her cheeks were rosy pink and the smile on her face was just ready to burst and spew confetti.

“What?!” She jumped up and down with Penelope, the woman’s excitement rushing through her hands and intertwined hers.

“I met a guy!”

Bonnie gasped dramatically. “Shut up! Who!” Stopping jumping to get to the serious parts.

“Well, his name is James and I met him at a coffee shop!” Penelope squealed with delight.

“That’s so cute! That’s literally the ideal place right? Going in for a cute little coffee and just bumping into someone!”

“I know!” Penelope strained her voice in attempt to remain a little composed in the office.

“Well you’ll have to tell me everything and more when I get back!”

“I will! I’m very excited for our sleepover young lady!”

Bonnie felt her heart melt and ache at the same time.

There was no hiding anything from Penelope Garcia. She was infamous for it. Literally smelling mood changes. It didn’t take long for the woman to question Bonnie on why she had been acting off. And it was easy to talk to Penelope. She actually listened to her. She was just like an open diary all ready to be written all over

So then the door of Penelope’s apartment was open to her 24/7. She had insisted at first that it was too generous to offer her a place to stay until her mother returned, because it would be too often and might be longer than Penelope had expected. So Bonnie had negotiated that she’d go for a night or two, for snacks and movies, just like having a best friend. Something Bonnie never had the time to have, skipping grades and going to college at 16 being surrounded by people much older than she was.

“Don’t take too long!” Penelope waved Bonnie off as she sped towards the jet.

“So, this guy is a complete and utter psychopath!” David Rossi ranted at the screen which showed an assortment of body parts. No faces. Just legs and arms. Fingers and toes.

“Someone very mentally ill Rossi.” Derek said from across the table.

“Obviously.” The older man sassed and Derek rolled his eyes, clenching his jaw like he always did if someone pissed him off.

“Guys. Listen up please.” Hotch scolded the two like a pair of kids, before clearing his throat and putting his attention back onto the computer. “This is Abby, nineteen, she left for college and never returned home. A pair of joggers found her body in a nearby park three days later. Everything below her waist had been eaten. All ten fingers gone, and her throat slit.”

This girl was only a year older than she was. Bonnie couldn’t help but feel attacked herself. Why must it always be women?

“What did that to her?” Derek asked, pointing to what would have been the girls bottom half.

“Bridgewater's off of i-75, Which is often referred to as alligator alley For reasons that are now apparent.” Hotch answered and Emily grimaced.

“I suddenly don’t feel so bad about my alligator purse.”

“Ah, the circle of life.” Rossi commented casually.

“An alligator couldn’t have carved an inverted pentagram on her torso though right? Or slit her throat? Unless he’s really skilled.” Derek conspired.

“The locals believe that a satanic cult is at fault.” Hotch replied, and Spencer quickly intervened.

“S-Satanic cults have been debunked as a myth actually.”

“What?” Jennifer looked unconvinced.

“Yeah, it was Rossi who debunked it.” All heads turned to the older man.

“Thanks kid.” Rossi gave Spencer a nod and Bonnie almost laughed at how his face radiated.

“Cult or not, this is ritualised.” Said Hotch and Emily sighed.

“So… satanic cults don’t exist, but satanic killers do?” She asked and Bonnie also rolled the question over her head.

“Lasciate ogni speranza ch'entrate.”

The team looked at Rossi with clueless eyes.

“Oh. Thanks for clearin' that up.” Derek tutted.

“Uh, it's from dante's inferno. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." Spencer answered proudly.

“So… yes?” Emily asked and Rossi nodded.

“Precisely.”

But the boy genius wasn’t quite done yet. “There are two types of satanic killers actually. One is the rebellious teenager. Looking for a way out of reality. Mix this with some drugs and alcohol and it could turn violent. In some cases deadly.”

Rossi looked up at Spencer who smiled. “That’s from my book.”

“Trust me, we know.” Jennifer laughed and Spencer’s happiness faltered slightly.

“And the other?” Hotch asked.

Spencer continued, a little quieter and less enthusiastically this time however. Looking down towards the computer. “The adaptive. The worse one of the two I believe. I-it’s when a serial killer begins to blame his doings on fantasies. They will adapt satanic beliefs to fit their cause.”

“He doesn’t kill because he believes in satan. He believes in satan because he kills then. Is that it?” Rossi nodded at Derek who rubbed his head. “I don’t believe in all this crap!”

Spencer never missed a beat as his mouth ran faster than his thoughts. “Maybe that’s because you never really let god into your life?”

Derek whipped around, his thick brows crossed. “No offence kid, but you don’t know what I believe in.” And Spencer gulped, sinking into his chair.

“Alright well… we’re almost there. So when we land Bonnie you’re with me and Rossi, the rest of you visit the police department.”

Bonnie didn’t have that many notes yet. All she had picked out from the group was that they were looking for someone who believes that satan is real because they have committed such a heinous act. It wasn’t much to go on, there were probably lots of people who believed that.

Following Agent Hotchner and Rossi, they were led down to an examination room where Abby’s body- what was left of it- was being autopsied.

“Sir, I’m SSA Aaron Hotchner with the FBI.” Agent Hotchner shook the doctors hand after the man removed his glove.

“David Rossi.” Another shake.

“Bonnie.” She smiled and kept her hands on her notebook.

“Thank you for coming. I’ve been needing to speak with you.” The man said shaking every so slightly. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

Agent Hotchner lifted his head with interest.

“Fingers. Ten of them found in Abby’s stomach. They’re away for testing right as we speak.”

“He made her eat them?” Bonnie asked and the man nodded.

“Yes.”

“Are they hers?” Agent Hotchner asked.

But the man shook his head. “No… these belong to other people I’m sure of it. Three are index fingers.”

“More victims.” Rossi said aloud.

“He fed her other peoples fingers… why?” She asked the other two agents with her pen in hand ready to write.

“To send a message he’s killed more. And that…” agent Hotchner sighed and looked away from Bonnie. “He’s possibly eating them.”

The man from the autopsy stopped dead. “Serious?”

“Yes.” Agent Hotchner stated in his classic monotone voice.

“Well if it’s satanism, I think we should talk to the local priest don’t you think?” Rossi suggested and Agent Hotchner nodded.

“Yeah good thinking.” And she followed the two out of the room.

Rossi and Derek decided to go to the church, while Bonnie and Agent Hotchner returned to the police station to share their findings. Jennifer and Emily had just returned from visiting Abby’s father.

“He fed her fingers? That’s messed up.” Jennifer scrunched her nose like being hit with a bad smell.

“You ever wonder what human meat tastes like?” Emily pondered to herself and Agent Hotchner ignored her, while Bonnie shook her head.

“Never thought about it, never want to.”

Before Emily could go on further about eating people, an officer barged into the office and all heads turned.

“Sir, we’ve just got a call about a woman being abducted at a rest stop near the state park. We’d like you to check it out. We think it’s your guy.”

“Alright. Emily come, JJ and Reid stay and wait for Rossi and Morgan.” The boss had ordered and Bonnie could easily see how restless Spencer was getting being stuck in this small room from the minute they arrived.

At the rest stop, the team were brought into a bathroom, a smelly one. In one stall, a red inverted pentagram had been drawn on the door, marking which one the act had been committed, possibly to tell satan it was here. The toilet lid was down and a stack of books perched on top.

“Books?” Emily questioned.

“Satanic ones. And they’re nice and neat. This unsub may have been institutionalised, seeing as we’ve profiled he’s mentally ill. The only form of control he had was being tidy, almost military. Everything else was stripped away.”

Then he paused, his thumb running over the rest of his fingers. “Host a search party. Five o’clock today.” That was in two hours.

“You think she’s still here?” Emily asked as the three strolled back to the SUV.

“Maybe. There’s only one way to find out. Plus, the woman at the store said no cars have driven in…”

“Maybe she just didn’t see it or something? On break?” Bonnie suggested but Agent Hotchner shook his head.

“I don’t know. But… hopefully this search will help us.”

Two hours rolled on very quickly, and the whole team arrived to see a whole town at the park. Flyers being handed out, snacks and water, even hot food.

Father Marks had volunteered as well, he was the priest that Rossi and Derek spoke to. Bonnie wasn’t very sure of the man, she’d never met him, only that the team are assuming the unsub has some sort of connection to worship… and could tell that neither was Derek.

“What the fuck is that guy doing here?” The man mumbled next to Agent Hotchner who rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“He’s helping with the search.”

“Hotch you know that unsubs will sometimes insert themselves into the investigations right? This dude knows about this satanic stuff!”

“Morgan, chill out. Rossi said he was very cooperative right? He knows his stuff, you interviewed him… i don’t think your dislike for this man has anything to do with this case.” Bonnie feared that Derek may land a punch on Agent Hotchners face the way the man stepped back and clenched his fist. “Let’s just focus on finding Tracy Lambert alright?” Derek huffed, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and shoved on his dark sunglasses and walked alone into the forest.

Meanwhile Bonnie landed herself beside Spencer. “They’ve got chilli over there. Who eats chilli on a search party?” Bonnie chuckled, pointing out the stand to Spencer who hummed.

“Apparently Emily.” He said as they watched Emily take a bowl and scoop some into her mouth. “I hate public food. Don’t know where it’s been.”

Bonnie didn’t mind it. Sometimes it was better than buying ingredients from the shop which costed more than a simple takeaway. She couldn’t really afford to care about who handled her food. As long as she wasn’t hungry and it tasted good.

She signed the searchers sheet and herself and Spencer stuck close together. The memory of going off alone in the woods during the Sandy Parker case crept up on her like a stalker and choked her from behind. She started combing her hair with her fingers, protecting it.

Her breathing became heavier as her eyes frantically scanned her surrounding, instinctively looking for short red hair.

“Hey.” Spencer’s voice didn’t exactly make her stop, but she now had something to focus on. “Everything’s gonna be alright. I’m here with you. And I’m allowed to use a gun now!”

That made her feel a little lighter, but with each step further into the woods she felt the trees closing in on her.

“I hope so… just the last time I did this I almost died… on my first case as well.”

“You ever hear about my first case?” Spencer asked, trying his hardest to comfort the younger girl.

“No?”

He laughed at the reminiscence. “I was twenty one. I’d never been in a fight or-or anything like that my entire life. I had just been granted permission to be allowed in the field. Hotch took the lead like always, and-and told me to go round back with Morgan. I was basically a look out.” He was smiling. “So we went around the back of this big house, and he told me to stay put while he checked the inside was clear. I couldn’t shoot by then, I was awful.” She managed to laugh a little, still keeping close to Spencer, grazing his arm as she walked through the woods.

“The unsub jumped me from behind. And I wasn’t stocky or strong like Hotch or Morgan, hell I’m still not! He took me down and whacked me hard on the head and I couldn’t see from how dizzy I was. I genuinely thought I was gonna die. That was until morgan shot him. The first time I’ve even been close to a bullet. When I sat up, I threw up all over myself. Like literally everywhere.” He began to really laugh now. So hard he could barely finish his sentence. “And then- and then, Morgan took of his top and had to physically change me. Mind you we’re in this person back garden with a dead man behind us and he’s stripping me! My shoes at that point were covered in vomit and y’know the first thing I said was?”

“What?” She asked laughing along, despite how scary it must have been.

“I asked for my mom. My mother! At my grown age being an FBI agent I asked for my mom. Morgan had to take my shoes off and carried me bridal style to the SUV. I’ll never forget that. Or Gideon… while I was in the hospital getting stitches he stayed by my side the entire time. Reading from his bird books… he knew I hated hospitals…” Bonnies smile slowly faded to a frown.

“I know you miss him… he was a great guy. From my little time with him I learned a lot! Like that time he called that man’s mum a whore? Who does that?!” She hadn’t been present from the amount of guns pulled, but agent Hotchner told her everything once they were back safely in the jet. How Gideon confronted this man named Frank and simply insulted his mother, before the man and a victim jumped in front of a train.

That insult must have really hurt.

“Only Gideon.” Spencer laughed again, but distantly. Sadly almost.

“I’m sorry he left Spencer. If I could bring him back for you I would. I know what it’s like to-“ she stopped and cleared her throat. There were some things in the world that aren’t meant to be said. Like how it was actually quite obvious Spencer lacked a parental figure. Seeing how much he admired… and actually loved Agent Gideon as if he were his own flesh and blood.

“It’s that obvious?” Spencer turned to her with a smirk. “Shit I thought I was doing well with hiding the fact I don’t have a dad.”

Bonnie snorted. “I understand. My dad passed when I was little. Just been me and my mum ever since.” Thought now it seemed like it was just her alone. Eighteen and all by herself in this big big world.

“I’m… I’m sorry to hear that. This team… it’s a family. I’ve gained a father, lost him, but I also gained brothers and sisters, and whatever Hotch is… I can’t put my finger on it…“ perhaps Agent Hotchner just had that dad vibe. Considering he had a little boy at home.

Or maybe it was his age actually…

The Tobias Hankel case file flashed quickly in her mind, and she remembered Spencer’s name very clearly, and wondered if she could risk asking about it. If there was something wrong, she’d like to know. It could help her understand the team better, seeing as this went down before she had joined them.

“Spencer…” she started anxiously. Sandy Parker no longer in her thoughts.

He hummed back.

“When I was sorting the case files, I saw one with your name in it.” The man shifted and cleared his throat.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah… Tobias Hankel?” You couldn’t have missed the flinch even if you weren’t looking. And with that she regretted every opening her mouth. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No…” he scratched his arm. “No it’s ok. We’re a family now.” She wondered if he knew how much that had meant to her. “He was a sick man. Mentally unwell. He kidnapped me, drugged me. I dug my own grave.” He scoffed sourly. “But the team found me just in time… sometimes I wish they hadn’t.” He whispered the last part, but having it be so quiet around this forest Bonnie heard, and tentatively reached for Spencer’s hand which he flinched at.

“Sorry… I forgot you don’t like to be touched.”

His face of fear turned soft, and he gave a small smile, and took her hand in his. “Only with family.”

A surge of warmth coated her body as she really smiled.

Unfortunately, after a couple hours no girl had turned up. So both Bonnie and Spencer reluctantly left the forest, despite how much they wanted to keep looking, and were met with a serious faced Agent Hotchner, and they let go of each other.

“It’s getting too dark, we have to go back to the station, JJ has an idea.” And the two younger ones shared a worried look before getting into the SUV, driven by Agent Hotchner.

Back at the station, Jennifer began reading over the search list and volunteers from the church, hoping the theory of the unsub being part of the church was right, but so far had nothing.

“Garcia’s I’D the fingers. No two are the same. That’s ten victims.” Spencer began drawing on the map. “Hey look at this.”

Jennifer, Agent Hotchner, and Bonnie stood closer.

“The hunting ground is in the middle of it all. The last time any of the woman were last seen.” Agent Hotchner thought aloud.

“He likes to stay close to home then. Gives him familiarity.” Jennifer said and Spencer nodded.

“It was prostitution that helped Garcia with the ID. I think they were easy to catch.”

The thought of her mother out all alone with strange men was too much for Bonnie, so she slipped outside and pulled a cigarette from her blazer pocket, walking around the side of the police building for a bit of privacy. Hoping none of the team would discover her disgusting habit.

It was a simple little thing that filled her with relief. A break. She started when she was 14 after getting her first job in a small take away shop that was always busy. Nipping out the back for five minutes was a blessing. The nicotine high would relax her tense body and she’d go back in after drowning herself in perfume, and feel as if she had rested well and could continue.

Quitting was very hard and sometimes she regretted ever picking up a cigarette. But on the most stressful times such as thinking about her mother, it was the only escape. The only thing to take her mind elsewhere.

It was later that night when Derek left the station, only to come running back in with the news of a body which was already on the way to the hospital, and father mark was brought in for questioning.

Agent Hotchner began. “She’s Hispanic for one. She’s not either of the women we’ve been looking for.” As amidst the searching for Tracey, another woman had been abducted. Every single member of the team had felt absolutely hopeless. How could they host a search only for another woman to go missing?

“Her names Maria Lopez, 31, 2 kids. Numerous arrests for solicitation and prostitution. But she was reported missing nine months ago.” Jennifer furrowed her brows in confusion.

“How does that work? He’s holding them?” Emily asked Agent Hotchner who was double checking the search sheets while Rossi and Derek spoke to Father Mark.

“Get Dr Fulton on the phone.” Agent Hotchner demanded and Jennifer began to dial.

Once the man answered, Agent Hotchner started immediately. “Has Maria Lopez’s cells burst?”

“Why?” The doctor asked and Agent Hotchner groaned.

“Because we think she was killed, frozen, kept, and eaten.”

The line went silent. A couple of seconds passed and the doctor replied. “Yes, her cells were burst.”

“Thanks.” And the man ended the call.

“Well that explains why we haven’t found any other victims.”

Bonnie took a shaky breath. “Garcia’s checking mental institutes still, there’s two but we’re gonna have to narrow this down.” Agent Hotchner sat down and failed Penelope’s phone.

“Now call Garcia.”

“A please would be nice.” Jennifer held her phone in her hand waiting.

“Please.”

And she then dialed.

“I’m your fairy godmother Garcia, you may grant me one wish!”

“Have you found anything in the institutions yet?” Agent Hotchner asked.

“So I can't find any patients in florida Who have the charmheg of being both a satanist and a cannibal. However, hazelwood mental institution is the place to go When looking for florida's most dangerous kinds of wackos, And they had a fire in 1998 that destroyed all their records.”

Agent Hotchner listened intently, not moving a single muscle.

“Let’s give hazelwood a visit, JJ call them and tell them we’re coming. Reid, Bonnie let’s go.” As tired as she was, Bonnie went, lunging her first steps and cracking her neck that Emily gagged at.

“What are you expecting we find?” Spencer asked from the front seat.

“A man who would have been young at the time, very mentally ill, and hopefully someone who will know of our description.”

“That’s really vage.” Bonnie piped up from the back and agent Hotchner nodded.

“But this man would also be prone to biting, like during fights or something. Hopefully someone will have a file.”

So when they pulled up to Hazelwood, that’s exactly what they did.

They were brought into a doctors office, not much decorating the area besides a couple diplomas and such.

“As I told agent Jareau on the phone, We have no existing record of that patient you described.” The doctor said feeling helpless. His hands out in front of him on the table, as if trying to grab any sort of memory that would help.

“We know. We were hoping you might actually remember a patient. He would have been an adolescent when admitted.”

“Dr Lorenz was in charge of adolescents.” The doctor replied as grief covered his sunken face.

“Is he here?” Agent Hotchner asked and the man shook his head.

“He died in the fire. He was leaving when he heard the alarm and ran back in.”

“Why?” Spencer asked.

“He was a very dedicated man.”

“Like he had something to protect? Something to risk his life over?” Bonnie then asked.

The doctors wrinkled forehead creased, and he stood up from his chair. “There was one thing…” moving towards a desk and sliding one of the drawers open, pulling out a worn out notebook.

“This boy… he wrote about taking a bite out of his nine year old sister… cannibalism’s what you’re looking for isn’t it?” Agent Hotchner took the book from the doctors hands and flipped to the front.

“Floyd Feylinn Ferell.”

The sirens were on, speeding down streets and running red lights, Bonnie gripped onto her door handle in fear of her life. She’d never been in a police car like this before.

Rossi and Morgan were closer than they were, having been at the church with Father Mark.

By the time they arrived, the suspect was in Derek’s hands, shirtless, being pushed into the back of a police car.

“That’s him?” She asked peeking to look out of the front window with wide eyes.

“Yep.” Agent Hotchner answered, and began following the car down to the station.

The team were all together again, and their anxieties had dropped slightly, all hoping this truly was the man the town was looking for. To bring justice to those dead.

The entire team stood outside of the double sided glass window of the interrogation room, all very eager that this was the one.

Father Mark was waiting with the rest of the team.

“Kobe girl steak.” The man began. “That’s where you prepare the meat isn’t it?” The man was unresponsive. “You’ve got a lot of unusual recipes in here Floyd.” Derek held up a better looking journal than the one found at the institute. “Must have tried some of ‘em?”

“Hm.” Floyd hummed down to himself.

“Talk to me.” The agents eyes digging holes into the smaller, much weaker man. “Which ones?”

Floyd slightly lifted his head in the direction of Derek. “Some have smiley faces. Some have sad.” It was the first time any of them had heard him speak. It was soft, calm, unnerving.

Despite how sick Derek just have felt, he carried on. “You ever hear voices Floyd?”

“I’m not smart. But I have a smart friend who tells me things.” Floyd responded.

“What’s your friends name?”

Floyd ignored him. “He wants me to tell you something.” And Derek waited. “Your watch has stopped working.”

“He’s trying to spook him.” Agent Hotchner commented from the other side of the glass

“Yeah uh… I’ve been meaning to change the batteries for a month.”

Bonnie hoped Floyds plan wouldn’t work on Derek, because she was certainly taken back.

Derek then proceeded to suggest that Floyd took fit women due to the fact they would have more ‘meat’ on their bones for his recipes. To which Floyd answered he thought that skinny people who took drugs didn’t taste very nice.

“Where’s Tracy Lambert?” Derek drilled, and Floyd smiled.

“I can only tell Father Mark.”

Derek excused himself and even though Agent Hotchner was against it, the man was able to take Father Mark into the room. “I do all the talking. Alright?” And the priest nodded.

Floyd immediately looked up when he saw Father Mark. “Thank you for coming father.”

“Anything I can do for-“ Derek paused the priest with a finger in the air.

“I had to pull a lot of strings to get him in here Floyd. My bosses really didn’t like to idea of him sending him in at all. So he’s gonna sit here nice and quiet, and you’re only gonna talk to me, alright?”

“Ok.” Floyd answered. “I’ve done bad things.”

“We’ve all done bad things we’re not proud of Floyd. The only thing that helps is to tell others.”

“Not everything” Floyd shook his head.

From beyond the glass, Bonnie’s head had tilted in interest looking at Floyds demeanour. He had completely opened when Father Marks had came in, and could not stop taking glances every couple of seconds to the priest. He looked, like he was planning something.

“This isn’t right.” Agent hotchner’s brows were furrowed as he too stared at Floyd. “When Floyd was at the search he signed the sign in sheet, but not the searchers.”

Inside, Derek pressed. “Come on Floyd. I got him in here because you wanted him, now it’s your turn. Where is Tracy Lambert?”

Bonnies eyes faltered around the room in thought. She could see some stalls. Snacks and drinks, then she looked up to the people. Those handing them out. “Something wrong…” but she hadn’t made it out yet.

“I feel so alone father. That god had abandoned me.” Father Mark looked at Derek for permission to speak, and the man nodded.

“You are not alone, my son. God is in all of us.”

“We have to stop the interview.” Agent Hotchner panicked.

The man, Floyd, began to grin sinisterly, twisted his head upwards, and laughed.

“So is Tracy Lambert.”

Then it all made sense.

She could see him so clearly now. Standing behind the stand where chilli was being served. She had watched him give a bowl to Emily.

Bonnie spun around to watch the said woman run out of the room covering her mouth with her hand.

“You son of a bitch- you son of a-“ Father Mark flung his body of the table and lunged for Floyds throat, Derek catching him by his waist and yelled for back up. All while Floyd watched with a grin on his face.

A face Bonnie would not forget.

Back on the jet, after Emily was done throwing up every piece of food in her body, everyone was silent.

Derek was not present, but no one paid much mind.

Bonnie brought out her small flip phone and texted Penelope. She first had to collect her things that she left at the BAU, then find a way to get to Penelope’s apartment. Maybe Agent Hotchner would give her a lift. Or Jennifer. Not Emily… Emily would want some alone time. Probably to make herself throw up some more.

Well at least she knew was human meat tasted like now…

Bonnie screwed her face up at the sudden thought.

‘Hey Penelope, we’re on the jet now, I won’t be long!’ She texted and sent, before passing out on the plan ride home.

————————��—

“Bonnie! Bonnie wake up!” A strong hand was shaking her from her slumber and she jumped out of her chair in a panic.

Agent Hotchner grabbed her shoulder and hurried her out of the jet, her still being in a sleepy state.

“What? What’s wrong?!” She breathed heavily as she tried to keep up with the man’s long strides.

“I…” his grip on her tightened. “Penelope’s been shot.”

[cabeswaterdrowned]

Naming 3 fandoms and 3 numbers but feel free to pick and choose :)

1, 2 and 8 for btvs/ tvdu/ pll

Your favorite non canon ship?

Btvs — I’m predictable and it’s Fuffy with Coffy a close second. If I was answering with like, a rarepair though would go with Willow x Faith because it’s one I love a lot… 

TVDu — Hizzie and Bamon, I generally enjoy a lot of noncanon TVDu ships over the canon ones though. 

Pll - I ship a lot of noncanon femslash for Pll but Vandermarin is my favorite. Spemily is also like, probably my softest spot in terms of liar dynamics. 

Is there a ship you didn’t like at first but ultimately started shipping?

Btvs — hmmm. Idk I don’t really think so? I do think that when I first watched I would have said I disliked Buffy/Angel because of instalove, but nowadays my view on it is more while I gravitate towards other ships for both chars a lot more it’s an interesting good story that’s a big part of my favorite character’s journey even if it’s not the most to my taste as a romance. But nothing I fully 180ed on that’s coming to mind. 

TVDu — the opposite is more common w TVDu ships… when I was rewatching I was enjoying Stelena more than I remembered although my issues with it still stand, and I never disliked Forwood but they also got to my emotions a bit more on rewatch. But again no full 180s come to mind. 

Pll — I sort of ship all combinations of the core six women in Pll but would say Hanna/Alison and Hanna/Aria took the longest for me to warm too as concepts, Halison because of Alison’s treatment of Hanna’s eating disorder (although considering the state of what is canon in Pll I judge myself a little for being skeeved) although it is a fascinating dynamic that plays off some themes I really love… Haria not really for any big reason they were just the dynamic it took me longest to get interested in although I got there rewatching eps. I ship both now although I prefer a lot of other pll pairings still.

Also I did enjoy Spencer/Caleb more than I was expecting too based on what I knew of fan responses to it if that counts. 

Your oldest ship; the one you’ve had for the longest time?

Btvs — I think Buffy/Cordelia was the first thing I ever shipped in the show, since Out of Sight Out of Mind. 

TVDu — hmm this one is harder to pin down. I feel like when I first watched s1 Bonnie/Elena leapt out to me most at first and I do enjoy them but my feelings on the dynamic are complicated because of Bonnie’s treatment … I also remember being interested in late s1 Delena on first watch but losing that interest pretty quickly in s2 so. Let’s say Jeremy/Anna because I’ve always thought they were very cute and underrated. 

Pll — I’ll just say Emaya because I liked their scenes in the pilot. 

thank you for asking 💕

[buddiebeginz]

I’ve made posts about this before but I’m gonna keep on about it. Please if you love Buddie (when you have time) you need to be posting about them on every social media platform there is. Also liking and commenting on posts especially ones that are on official 911 accounts like the main ABC one or the actors or when interviews come out.

If ABC posts about Buck/Eddie or Ryan and Oliver you need to remind them in the comments we’re rooting for Buddie. I know Buddie fandom is bigger and louder than B/T fans but I keep seeing them all over. There's no reason that pairing with two eps of build up are getting anywhere near the level of attention as Buddie does.

I’m not saying as fans we have all this power over what is going to happen on the show but we have some sway. It’s part of how bi Buck has even happened. So us being so vocal and supportive of Buddie all these years and even more now while the story is still unfolding matters.

I don't want Tim or anyone else getting the impression that we want T*mmy sticking around any longer than necessary at least not as a love interest.

I know there's been a lot of talk about how the show needs take their time and build Buddie's story if they're going canon and I know some want Buck to be with T*mmy so Buddie can have that slow burn towards getting together. While I do think it's important that Buddie's story is not rushed and handled with care that fact is we really have no idea how many seasons the show even has. I wish some of you would realize we are not living in the golden age of tv anymore. We are living during a time when tv shows get canceled even when they are successful just as a way for networks to cut costs. It's why Fox canceled 911 before it was moved to ABC.

So as much as I do want the show take all the time in the world with Buddie I also want us to actually get to see them go canon. I also feel like we've been in a slow burn with them for six years especially those of us who have watched the show for its entire run. I want to see the show make some progression in moving Buddie's story further along. I'm not saying I want them to be in a relationship tomorrow, absolutely not. But I do think that moving into season 8 I'd like the show to have given us some kind of canon sign that both men feel something for each other beyond friendship. We know they do but I mean something that can't be taken any other way like say an almost kiss at the wedding for example. I'd also like for Eddie to be dealing with his own sexuality storyline by next season.

Back to T*mmy in all honesty the main reason I don't want to see him sticking around much longer is because of his fans. I'm tired of just how much the B/T fans have taken over our fandom. All the tags even ones on other social media platforms are being overrun by B/T and worse by negativity towards Buddie and Eddie and the complete minimizing of the importance of Buddie going canon. I'm glad that T*mmy has helped Buck with his bi awakening but he is so clearly not meant to be an endgame love interest. I just want to see him gone or have the storyline at least move on to where if he's still on the show it's as a friend for Buck, which I personally think he needs more than a relationship right now. Someone who is queer who can help him navigate this newly discovered part of himself.

[thestupidhelmet]

That ‘90s Show Reviews

Okay, throw out what I wrote in this post. I watched “That ‘90s Pilot,” and I did an organized stream-of-consciousness analysis-reaction. I can’t separate That ‘90s Show from That ‘70s Show, but I was able to think about T9S on its own terms as well as its connection to T7S.

In summary, watching the first ep of That ‘90s Show was like seeing a fanfic turned into a TV show. Some aspects feel right and emotionally satisfying. Some aspects feel totally upside-down and throw me out of the fictional dream. The series has potential to be enjoyable. It has canon character elements, but this is a future that extends from season 4 of That ‘70s Show, no further—excepting a few details taken from seasons 7 and 8 for coherency’s sake. Coherency’s sake sounds strange, considering how the T9S universe is cobbled together. But cobbled together is what the T9S universe is (and T9S creators / showrunners’ interviews essentially admit to this fact by how they described creating the show). As individuals, Kitty and Red are largely in-character but not fully. They’re a little off-model (an animation term). I’ll be interested to see how they interact with the new kids. Below the cut, you’ll find my detailed, spoilery thoughts on “That ‘90s Pilot”.

--Before Leia enters, the Red/Kitty scene, including when there’s a knock on the door, is spot-on. Red and Kitty’s interactions with Eric can be seen as in-character. But since they haven’t seen him since Christmas (i.e. for six months), I think Red would actually be less aloof toward Eric. If they saw each other every month or so, I can understand the agreed-on lack of hug, but in the context of not seeing his son for half a year—we see on T7S that Red does show his love for Eric, including hugs, in important moments. This was punchline over characterization. A more in-character and funnier way (to me) would’ve been them having a very awkward, blink-and-you-miss it hug and them acting like they hadn’t hugged at all right after. (And, yes, Eric looks like he’s barely aged. Point Place Time™, man. Maybe he looks older when he’s not in Point Place. It’s magic.) --Kitty talking about how Leia’s breasts are growing (“Your buds are blooming”) as her second sentence to her granddaughter’s arrival is both OOC for Kitty (she wouldn’t be inappropriate and creepy like that, especially in front of Leia’s father and grandfather. She would talk to Leia about this in private in a more respectful way, about how Leia’s becoming a “young woman”. This line was for the laugh. Punchline over characterization. --Glad that Red gives us the exposition that Leia is athletic like Donna. Also, Red’s joke in giving us that exposition is a solid burn on Eric. --Donna carrying all the suitcases upstairs herself is funny and in-character. --Eric mentioning that Leia now gets her period. Leia’s fourteen, on the later end of normal, for her to start having her period. So this choice is obviously for the reason of setting up how Leia is changing and growing up. --Donna NEVER called Kitty Mrs. F on T7S. Never. This is totally OOC. I can’t see her calling Kitty Mrs. F after calling her Mrs. Forman her whole life since she could talk. Yes, this could change in fifteen years, but I just don’t see Donna making that choice. Kitty: I wish you would call me Mom. Donna: I know. … Someday. Kitty: This weekend. Donna: Okay. Punchline over character. --I like that Donna became an author. At least that part of her character hasn’t been forgotten. --Eric being a professor of The Religion of Star Wars. Well, those of us who kept up on spoilers knew about that one already. Just continuing the long-running joke from T7S. At least his career involves one of the two passions the T7S writers gave him, lol. --Donna stepping, at Leia’s request, in when Eric goes overboard with his geekiness = absolutely see this as true to Donna and Eric’s potential parenting dynamic. --Gwen’s introduction / Leia and Gwen’s introduction to each other: Leia sees a freedom in Gwen that she doesn’t feel herself. She has Gwen-envy. (Gwenvy?) She recognizes parts of herself in Gwen she herself hasn’t yet expressed, and not e v e r y  relationship has to have a romantic element (nor should it). I’m all here for platonic intimate friendships  … Like Eric and Hyde’s. Which this friendship is clearly set up to emulate. Gwen has definite aspects of Hyde to her. The fact Gwen lives in Donna’s old room is a nice touch, and it leads to her making a very Hyde-esque joke / burn on Leia about how Leia’s parents probably used to have sex in Gwen’s room. We learn that Eric, Donna, and Leia live in Chicago during this scene. We also meet Nate, Gwen’s brother. He’s got some sexist attitudes. It’s a characterization choice that creates tension between him and Gwen, but it’s also for the “laughs”. --Tension between Leia and Eric shown through her rejection of Star Wars. Eric partly parents her through Star Wars … not sure if any of that needs commentary beyond the observation of it. I like that Leia and Red’s connection is shown in this moment, though (when Leia burns Eric about Yoda being a puppet, etc.). Still, I hope Leia and Red’s connection isn’t solely based on a mutual frustration toward Eric. --Nikki gets one line then kisses Nate, letting us know they’re a couple. --Okay, yeah, Jay gives me the creeps right away. Yikes. I’m sure this will fall away as Leia gets to know him, but *shudder*. --Oz. Punchline-giver. Like Fez became in T7S’s later seasons. Hope there’s more to him than that. --Hell. Nate to Nikki: “Jay’s had my back for the last twelve years, and you’ve got my front for the last six months. I can’t choose.” That’s … something. So bromance established between Nate and Jay. T9S has two Michael Kelso instead of one. We’ll see if that evolves. But, finally, Kelso gets to be in a relationship with himself? And this episode is taking “The Keg” (1x06) plot from T7S. --The first “circle” scene of the show. I liked the red herring bit with the smoke (I knew Red and Kitty wouldn’t be smoking up with Eric and Donna). I also like Red is in Kitty’s corner with Donna calling her Mom, but to use the show’s own joke: that minor subplot feels forced. --Oz’s line to Nate, “Kid vs. beer: it’s a tale as old as time,” is ripped straight from Fez’s voice (not accent, character voice). --I’m glad Nikki is written as an intelligent, savvy character. Maybe not in love (choosing Nate as her boyfriend is a detail we need to understand the reasoning behind in order to understand Nikki better). --Love seeing Leia’s strength come out with the woman who wouldn’t sell her the tap for the keg. She tries Gwen’s sneaky plan first then goes the direct (blackmail) route using logic. This is not Eric. This is not Donna. This moment shows us Leia is Leia. --Gwen’s optimism is an important, unique aspect of her character. It differentiates her from Hyde, who’s a pessimist. Gwen is also the obvious leader of the friend group (though not a dictator … from what I’ve seen so far). The fact Leia never felt free until her interactions with the Point Place crowd over this twenty-four hour period is sad and implies that Eric and Donna are controlling parents in some way. It’s also sad that she’s spent her first fourteen years of her life not feeling free (which isn’t uncommon). Leia’s dynamic with Gwen, so far, mirrors Eric’s with Donna and Hyde. Donna and Hyde both help Eric find freedom from the internalized discipline and control of Red in season 1 of T7S. --The fact Gwen isn’t put off by Leia’s declaration that she wants her and Gwen “to become best friends” is interesting. Leia is earnest and desperate to gain the freedom she sees in Gwen (her Gwenvy™ is showing) through becoming close with Gwen. Further, Leia’s declaration of wanting her and Gwen to become best friends mirrors Fez’s own to Hyde in a “Class Picture” (4x20) flashback that Hyde is his best friend. Upon their first meeting, Hyde essentially pledges to be Fez’s protector from bullies, which prompts Fez to believe Hyde is his best friend now. --This exchange … Eric: Leia Tattooine Forman -- Donna: Her middle name is Anne. Eric: I never agreed to that. I laughed, but wow is T9S leaning hard on the Star Wars jokes. Hence, Leia’s name. Leia’s middle name is the same as Kitty’s middle name, so nice connection there. Same as Eric’s middle name is the same as Red’s middle name. But where is Donna’s, “You chose Leia as our daughter’s name when I was too hopped up on the epidural during childbirth to disagree”? --Kitty and Red enjoying Eric and Donna’s struggles with parenting = totally in-character (but T7S!Kitty would likely try to intercede at some point). Donna being the disciplinarian (and Eric letting her / encouraging her to be so) is a detail I’ve discussed with a lot of fellow T7S fans over the years. The consensus is that we think this would be in-character. But that Donna pulls a reversal in Leia’s particular circumstance (not only supporting her kid’s choice to stay in Point Place for the summer but also praising her for it) is also in-character. --Eric acting like Red given certain stressors with his kid is another topic I discussed with fellow T7S fans over the years. His reaction to Leia and his foot-in-ass threat is in-character for him as a parent in this circumstance. Red’s reaction to Eric’s reaction is funny and, yeah, in-character. --Eric and Donna’s scene together on the hood of the car is very sweet and has depth. It tells us about Eric’s relationship to Leia, his relationship to Donna, and how Donna trusts Leia. I would’ve liked more Donna/Leia moments so we could learn about their dynamic, but the little we do get gives us an idea. --OK, I LOVE THAT ERIC IS KITTY TO LEIA (in some ways). He tells Leia he loves her without it being a struggle (totally in-character), and the smelling hair payoff (Kitty smelled Eric’s hair earlier in the episode) totally works and shows us how deeply Eric loves his daughter (as do all their interactions in this episode and Eric’s reactions about Leia to other characters). --Dude, Eric called Donna babe. On T7S, Eric never had good pet names for Donna. Never. It was even an on-going joke in one episode of T7S (season 7). Even though Eric calls her babe in this episode, it still sounds weird. It’s just not … Eric. --This ep overdoes Kitty’s infantalization of Eric. On T7S, it’s funny-uncomfortable. This is uncomfortable-cringe. --Red hugs Donna before she and Eric leave. Not Eric. Never Eric. No sign of true connection between Red and Eric at all. Just schadenfreude on Red’s part for Eric’s difficulties with Leia and contention except for Eric’s sarcastic, “I love you, too, Dad.” One moment between Red and Eric to establish their love for each other, like the awkward super-fast hug like I described above would’ve done it. --Donna calls Kitty Mom before leaving the house. Very sweet. But also contrived. This issue could have (and probably would have) been resolved long before now. But TV SHOW. Not real life. --Red’s utter fear at Kelso jumping into the kitchen and shouting, “Burn!”—hilarious but also awful. --Okay, okay … JACKIE IS ALLOWED TO BE EFFING SMART. Kelso: “[Jay]’s got his dad’s looks and his mom’s brains. He got all straight As last year.” T9S erases and cuts up T7S and rearranges what it wants. Jackie’s season-1 characterization of being a good student is returned to her, but so much more is taken away. BETSY would’ve been described the same way by Kelso as Jay. Captain Obvious: It would’ve been more in-character for Jay to be Brooke’s son, not Jackie’s. Brooke is characterized consistently on T7S as highly intelligent. It’s a consistent part of her character. I don’t ask for too much; I ask for what I’ll never get. Speaking of Betsy: does she exist? Will Jay ever mention his sister, who would be seventeen in 1995? --Kurtwood is clearly trying not to break during Kelso and Jackie’s scene. The laugh is being tightly held in. --*sigh* Jackie and Kelso’s second remarriage. At least that wasn’t a surprise. --The Jackie of T9S is who the Jackie of T7S season 4 would have become without ever dating Hyde. Canon-divergence utterly confirmed. --Where do Jackie and Kelso live so that Jay lives in Point Place and has been best friends with Nate for twelve years? Since they were both three or four? Point Place, obviously. Nate is Red and Kitty’s neighbor, which means Jay has been going there for twelve years. Which means Red and Kitty would very likely know who Jay is and that Jay is Jackie and Kelso’s kid. They’d also have seen Jackie and/or Kelso the last twelve years (at least). Make it make sense. --And Jay Kelso just made a sex joke to Kitty. Red: What is wrong with you? He’s a Kelso. --Eric’s Candy Land stash is no longer money. It’s pot. Except Kitty knew Eric hid money in the Candy Land box, so she would’ve checked that thing years ago for anything Eric might’ve left in there.

--Onto the next episode.