#have some really angry feelings about what they've done to a lot of places in dilli

[infantisimo]

"Thus, the new hostile designs would not cause surprise among those they are targeting, nor, definitely, anger among the educated. The latter never question why some people need to take shelter in the open; we just accept the situation as normal and natural, that the poor deserve no better, and that public facilities are ours alone. When the society is itself hostile to the weakest, hostile architecture seems – not monstrous – but the perfect solution.

India is not likely to see such protests, nor even such a great psychological impact. Because we hardly have any concept of really public spaces anyway, and never had. There were no public spaces, open to all, till the Europeans arrived. The nationalists like to blame European rule for all India’s problems, but it was under their rule that the growing cities were provided the first designed public open spaces, and also the consciousness that these are important for public health. But the Indian governments that have followed have been uncomfortable with such things. Because caste society doesn’t believe in equal access to anything. Hierarchy is the norm here, and public spaces don’t go well with hierarchy. Thus, even pavements (which are used by all, but more by the poor) are seen as a waste here. And Bombay, India’s richest city, which ranks very low in per capita public open space among the world’s cities, and whose streets are full of people sleeping rough in the dead of the night, figures in lists of the world’s most hostile architecture.

The public that is considered worthy of having public facilities here is just the so-called ‘middle class’, which cannot afford the private recreation spaces of the super-elites, but is not much less elite itself, belonging as it does to the top 10-15% of the population in wealth and privilege. That’s why bus stops will have pipes as seating, but not airports – the ‘public’ in the two kinds of public transport is different. That’s also why public open spaces in Indian cities are so few, with none at all in villages – they are aimed at just this 10-15%. And it is this urban educated ‘middle class’ which demands that public spaces charge for entry, and unashamedly asserts that only this will keep unwanted/dirty/rowdy people out."

[gay-dinasaur]

"This tastes weird," Sam say, taking Dean aback.

He raises his eyebrows and waits for his brother to correct himself - Sam has done a lot of things in his life that pissed Dean off, but he's never acted disrespectful towards the food Dean made him, at least not since he was old enough to read and write.

"I said it tastes weird," Sam repeats, now looking just as confused as Dean is. "What I meant to say is, I don't really like it, but I'm gonna eat it anyway out of politeness," he adds, not really making things better.

Sam stares in dismay at the soup and Dean does the same. The liquid looks the same it did a few minutes ago, nothing out of the ordinary, just a plain pumpkin soup.

Perhaps too plain, for Sam's refined taste.

Normally, he would make a joke and leave it at that, but this situation is too similar to something they've been through and Dean does not like it one bit.

They both look at Jack, who has been up to this point contently eating said soup, apparently without any complaints.

It takes him a few seconds to realize what's happening, but then he's shaking his head. "It wasn't me," he says, shrugging his shoulders.

Dean really wishes he didn't believe him - that way, they could do something about it and fix it, but Jack has probably been affected by the spell as well as is telling the truth.

"Ah, great," Dean sights, "fucking great."

Sam finishes the soup quickly and excuses himself, running out of the room as fast as his giant legs carry him.

Jack tells Dean that he didn't mind the soup at all, which raises Dean's mood a bit before he starts washing the dishes. It's distracting enough that Dean doesn't notice the remaining inhabitant of the bunker walking into the room.

"Do you want help with that?" Comes the gravelly voice and Dean drops the plate he's holding.

Thankfully it doesn't break, only falling a few inches into the sink.

The water is still running as Dean stares at Cas, who tilts his head at him after a few seconds.

"Uh, sure," Dean manages after carefully thinking it through.

Last time, some people even said their truths out loud unprompted, just yelled them out for the world to hear. Dean can't let that happen here. He has to finish this as quickly as possible and then get the hell out of earshot.

Which, fuck, probably means at least a mile, since Cas is an angel who can hear lot more than he should.

Good news is, they both have an appreciation for silence. Sometimes, they don't need to talk, don't have to talk. It's incredibly rare and incredibly calming. Dean doesn't have to fill that silence, doesn't have to make sure Cas isn't angry at him. They just are. Right now, they are standing next to each other, shoulders pressed together and it's relaxing like few other things in this world.

Which is bad, Dean realizes - but only after the words leave his mouth.

"I love you."

That's it.

Three little words; three stupid little words and Dean's life as he knows it is over.

Cas stares at him, unmoving, and Dean thinks about what to say to salvage the situation before coming up with nothing.

Cas stares some more and then carefully puts down the glass he was drying.

Dean's hands are empty too and he's not sure what to do with them.

Cas doesn't seem to have the same problem - his hands grab onto Dean's, holding him in place and Dean realizes he was starting to back up out of the room.

"Dean," Cas says, like he always does. Dean doesn't think anyone else has ever pronounced his name like that.

"Look. It's just... It's... There's this spell, I didn't... I didn't mean to say that. At all, I didn't want to say that, I didn't..." Dean continues mumbling, feeling worse every second as Cas' face falls.

It's subtle, but Dean has years of experience reading his angel - Cas' mouth freezes in place and he sets his jaw and Dean knows he's going to let go of him and pull back just before he does.

Dean's hands feel cold, suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"You remember what Jack did, after we lied to him? Well, he's not the one responsible, this time, but it looks like we can't lie."

"Ah," Cas responds, turning away.

"Wait."

"What, Dean? You wish to repeat it again, you wish to make it clear that you don't love me like I love you? Because I already--"

Dean interrupts him by pressing his lips to his.

Cas sights into it and then blinks up at Dean when he pulls away. Then he lowers his eyes to Dean's lips and they both lean in again, not wanting to be separated for long.

Dean's brain is nothing but fireworks, the notion of kissing Castiel so novel and yet so right, like this is what they are supposed to be doing.

He doesn't know how long have they've been kissing, but if it's anything less than a century, it's not enough.

"Guys, get this--"

Sam shrieks after turning the corner.

Dean - very reluctantly - pulls of Cas to glare at his brother, who promptly turns around and runs out of the room for the second time this hour.

"So. I take it that you do, um, love me?" Cas says sheepishly.

"Yeah." Dean swallows.

"I do."

Suptober, Day 26 - Enchanted

[ossidae-passeridae]

I'd be fascinated to hear more about gnosticism in tlt if you ever feel like writing about it.

I honestly don't know what's already been written r.e. gnosticism and TLT, so might be reinventing the wheel here, but I'll do a brief description of the overarching themes present throughout the books?

The uh, first layer of the gnosticism onion, as it were.

So to start this off I'm going to give a broad and at least partially incorrect overview of gnosticism:

Gnosticism is a tenth century mess that's loosely based off of Christianity, but then gets Weird. Thanks to some fun political situations in the Gulf, the Christians in the South were isolated from other Christians for decades thus spun off wildly from "mainstream" Christianity. We mostly have fragments left, and a lot of them contradict each other, so working out exactly what they believed/meant is Very Fun and also Somewhat Impossible. (Like the fragments of documents left in Canaan House, you could say...)

That being said, parts of their beliefs we do know better than others. They have the bible, of course, but on top of that they also have this pre-Bible creation myth regarding how God came to be in the first place.

It goes something like: In The Beginning there was a sort of primordial god-soup. This god-soup occasionally emits binary pairs of entities, also known as aeons and (later) twin flames. These binary pairs are two souls made for one another and with one another, and together they are balanced, and perfect, and full of Holy Light(tm). Each binary pair had one grammatically-masculine name, and one grammatically-feminine name. These names do not necessarily relate to perceived gender, and in fact the binary pairs are often referred to as if they are Beyond Gender Altogether. (*stares pointedly at the Lyctors*, *stares even more pointedly at Gideon's name*) [I could probably write a whole thing on this alone, honestly, they're sometimes referred to as like, the fingers on God's hand which, yeah.]

Anyway, in this pure and godly space, there is no matter, only Holy Light. But one of the entities, known as Sophia, goes off on her own and interacts with the shadowy chaos that exists outside of the godly soup. She's half of a whole, unbalanced. And through her meddling she (unintentionally) creates another half that's not pure and holy and full of godly light, but instead a dark reflection of what he Should Be. This is generally referred to as the Demiurge.

Unlike all these other beings, the Demiurge is made of matter. He is the first thing of matter to exist and he looks around the void that he's birthed into, bare aside from him, and concludes that he and he alone is God. (Hi Jod)

Then he makes earth, and heaven, and a bunch of other things besides, the things we know as the universe today. In the immortal words of Douglass Adams — this has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

The problem is — all of these things that the Demiurge has created are made of matter. And being made of matter, they're cut off from the light of Godness (which is incorporeal and made of Pure Energy), thus inherently flawed. What's more, they're never meant to have existed in the first place. The Demiurge is tormented by his failure, but unable to create anything that is not inherently Wrong. (oh look it's the Nine Houses, I'd bet money that there's a link between being cut off from Godly Light and the Nine Houses being the only stable thanergenic planets here)

Sophia, who has watched these unintended consequences unfold and the suffering they've caused, cannot undo what's been done, but she can descend into the material world to share the light of wisdom and try to alleviate what suffering she can. So she does.

The story culminates with Christ being born and teaching all of humanity Gnosis — a special, mystical knowledge that can only come from the Divine, we are not really given specifics here — before he's sacrificed in order to make humanity's ascent beyond their material prison possible.

So that's the broad strokes of gnosticism as a religion, and also first layer of the TLT gnosticism onion. Just the really broad spectrum thematic *waves hands around* Stuff. I've refrained from speculating on the end because until Alecto comes out we really don't know.

If you want anything more specific anon, let me know?? I've been in the gnosticism soup for so long I can't always tell what's common knowledge and what isn't.

[maleyanderecafe]

Apple for a Teacher: A Yandere Love Story (Visual Novel)

Created by: ataraxic

Genre: Horror/Romance

The screenshots on this one are a bit different because I played this game on my mac instead of my pc, so it looks a little weird on the preview. I played a previous game by this creator called Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, which features another character. This one features another character in this world, Ciel. If you've read my previous review on this series, you'll know my overall feelings about this game as well, because despite the couple of years that I haven't thought about this game, I still have the same opinions on it.

The story starts with the MC going to university. They're happy that they're finally free from their professor Ciel as they've finally passed their class. We learn that the MC really hates Ciel as he's very blunt and seems to have a vendetta against the MC. The MC was failing Ciel's class, so Ciel helped to tutor them, as the MC doesn't really know anyone else on campus. They're very happy when they find out that they're able to pass the class and don't have to deal with Ciel anymore and even more excited that they got into an elusive internship on campus. Ciel ends up asking the MC to a fancy dinner at an Italian place as a celebration of them passing their classes. The MC accepts as they want to eat at a fancy place and gets (begrudgingly) driven back to her place by his chauffeur. Ciel waits for the MC to change into more proper clothing as well as criticizes a lot of their outfits in the meantime. At some point, Ciel ends up seducing (?) the MC unintentionally and they can either go further or try to deny it.

If the MC goes further, Ciel and them will end up having sex, with Ciel even confessing that he's always loved the MC. Afterwards, however, the MC seems to be in shock about what they've done and attempts to push Ciel away.

If the MC decides to deny it and push Ciel down, Ciel will get angry and end up raping the MC, traumatizing them. The MC tries to get Ciel to leave afterwards.

Ciel, however, isn't having that as he's been looking for a partner to have children and live together with. He ends up forcing the MC to pack up and essentially kidnaps them. As the MC is forced into the car, they think about how no one will know that they're gone, as they have no family nor friends, with the only people who really would notice would be the fact that their internship might be looking for them. They end up falling asleep in the car before waking up chained to the bed. Ciel waits for them to wake up, introducing them to their new life together.

If you've read my previous review on Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, you'll probably know a lot about my criticisms with this game. The artwork and design of everything looks wonderful as always. The backgrounds, sprites and UI are all really professionally made and the music itself is pretty nice too. Unfortunately, I just don't really like the style of how this person writes too much because the relationship between the MC and the ML is usually just not fun to read (for me).

The MC of this game is different than the one in Dameon's game but instead of being pretty frankly stupid and making dumb decisions, they instead are very cynical and bitter of their position. It makes sense to a specific extent considering that Ciel loves to berate them but it does encapsulate a lot of the things I don't like about MCs in a lot of the more recent yandere vns I've played. A lot of yandere MCs tend to have this kind of cynical attitude- they dislike the job or position they're in, tend to be very grumbly about everything and don't really have any friends, and if they do have family they tend to not be on good terms with them. That in itself isn't necessarily always bad, however, it does get tiring to read. As my friend Cherry says, it's hard to really root for these types of MCs if we the audience can't even see why the yandere might be into them. I usually don't really mention this in my recommendations because the MC isn't really the main appeal of the game (and most people end up self inserting regardless), but it does get annoying when I have to go through the same type of personality over and over again. In some cases, it makes more sense as there is a bit of backstory into why this MC might act like this which is more understandable. This MC falls into a lot of the tropes of the recent MCs including the part where they find the yandere hot and bang him despite only really knowing him for a bit (and in this case also hating him, which is a whole other thing). I know there is such thing as hatesex, however, there wasn't really any indication of the MC finding Ciel attractive until right before the two of them have sex. It's also strange to me that they don't even try to fight (?) Ciel at all when he gets them to pack up their things and get in the car. It makes more sense in the route where Ciel rapes the MC, but otherwise it still feels sudden like it came out of nowhere. I would have thought there would have been at least some resistance or a proper threat that Ciel would have made. To be honest, I think this is likely also a problem with the pacing of certain choices as the MC's actions make a lot more sense if Ciel does end up raping them instead of simply just having sex with him.

Ciel is... mean, to say the least. In Dameon's case while he was usually just mean if the player chose decisions that he didn't like, Ciel is just straight up cruel. Not only does he outright insult the MC for not being able to pass his class and berates them while tutoring the MC, he also criticizes the MC's wardrobe choice when they're trying to find the right outfit for the dinner, even calling the MC a whore at one point, which I feel is super uncalled for (although kind of funny out of context), which the MC simply just... brushes off. There isn't really any indication that Ciel even likes the MC, which you could say is part of his more tsundere (well, I'd assume it would be tsundere, though we don't really see the deredere part) attitude, which makes the sudden kidnapping pretty jarring. It's hard to say why Ciel might even like the MC other than they're attractive and possibly easy to control, but the demo doesn't go far enough to tell what is going on. We do know that Ciel has a more traditional view of life, wanting to (essentially) have a "wife" and children, living together- similar to Vincent in Dead Wishes though we have yet to see the full progression of it. This type of yandere is pretty interesting as I don't really see it that often nowadays (and it is pretty cool seeing what they do to try to maintain that ideal) so hopefully in future iterations, this is shown more for the story. Still though, Ciel is very unlikable, even in terms of characters you hate to love kind of way, at least in my opinion. Besides that, he is rich and kidnaps the MC in a fairly nice place all things considered, though he's just as rude to them when they wake up. I can see people liking Ciel in a horror type of way because the game itself does do pretty well in setting up a more horror like story of being kidnapped, raped and forced to marry, but I would not at all call this a romantic type game even in the slightest even though the relationship seems to be more of a love hate one. Perhaps it might change in the future, but as of current, I'm not really buying that Ciel is in love with the MC.

So as I said, this game is not for me, however, if you did like the previous Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, then you will probably like this one as well. If any of this did interest you, then please give it a try.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I have a fluffy idea for once! No prompts from the list, just brain thoughts:

Adam has been staying in the hotel for a few months, very reluctant to participate at first, but slowly warming up to it. Him and Lucifer had a long conversation about Eden at some point, and since then they've gotten increasingly domestic with each other. While they're not openly in a relationship, they'll sleep in the same bed, have movie nights together, cook together, and be generally affectionate. They try to be subtle about it, but Husk and Angel both picked up on it rather quickly, choosing to keep it between the two of them that they knew.

Cut to the moment: Charlie set up a bonding activity for hotel residents! Ballroom dancing, to build teamwork, trust, and coordination. They switch partners a few times, but of course Luci and Adam end up together eventually. The two of them, having both been important figures in heaven at some point, definitely have ballroom dancing experience, and it shows when they dance with each other. Once the music reaches its end, they're so caught up in each other that they end it with a kiss... in front of everyone. Ensue dramatic reveals, probably some flustered Adam, Charlie being baffled, momentarily angry, and then just really enthusiastic. Them finally getting to be saccharinely domestic with others present :))

Feel free to do with that what you will, I just wanted some domestic fluff <3

Indigo (aroace, lonely, and coping through fictional ships)

AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!!! IT'S SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE! LOL

At first Adam was only at the hotel for salvation, to not be murdered a million times over by blood thirsty sinners who wanted revenge.

He tolerated Charlie and her stupid exercises, he was present for them but never really participated. Until one day he said to Hell with it and gave one of them a try. It wasn't bad, but still dumb in his opinion.

At some point he had befriended the porn star Angel Dust and by proxy his boyfriend Husk. Turns out they had a lot more in common than Adam originally thought. They would go out drinking and shoot the shit, it was nice to have friends.

Lucifer was an issue in and of himself. He sold his soul to the guy in exchange for protection and it had been awkward being around him in the beginning.

It's been six months now and Lucifer said he wanted to talk to him. Adam has thought he was in trouble for something he might have done.

But no. The king wanted to talk about Eden. REALLY talk about Eden. He even apologized for his role for the downfall of the garden. They sat on Lucifer's bed talking for hours about Eden, the good and the bad. When he even apologized about taking Lilith, Adam told him not to worry about it. It took him leaving the garden to realize she wasn't his type.

They talked so long they fell asleep. That was the first time they shared a bed and from then on, it felt weird NOT to. So they just shared a bed, it just kind of happened.

Adam remembers the first time they cooked together, it was breakfast with the works. That's kind of how he found out he is shit at cooking. So instead he would hand Lucifer the ingredients and the King would cook the food. He remembers when Lucifer placed his hands on his hips to sneak by and how the touch made Adams heart race.

Adam and Lucifer shared lingering touches that lasted a moment or two too long. How their eyes would lock and they would share gentle smiles when they thought no one was looking.

Angel and Husk saw all of this but didn't say a word. The couple would go public when they were ready.

One thing Adam could make was microwave popcorn. Which him and Lucifer shared as they watched horror movies, snuggled up on the couch, sharing a blanket with their fingers laced together underneath. Adam's head would rest in the crook of Lucifer's shoulder. Sometimes Adam would fall asleep and wake up in their bed.

They weren't exclusive with a defined label, but what they did have was nice.

Today, Charlie wanted to do a new trust exercise. "We'll be doing ballroom dancing! It's a great way to build trust and have fun at the same time. Now, everyone grab a partner. We'll trade off every now and then."

"Piece of cake." Adam said, he had lots of dancing experience from being in heaven. What he didn't expect was to be teamed up with Alastor first. "Keep your fucking hands where I can see them, asshole."

"Trust me, I don't want to touch you any more than you want me touching you." The music started and they began dancing. Adam saw Alastors eyes look over his shoulder, that's when the radio demon brought him in closer. His hand on Adams waist, the fallen angel thought he might be sick. "But if it pisses him off, I suppose I can suck it up."

Adam creased his brow and looked over his shoulder behind him. If looks could kill, Lucifer would have had the deer demon explode into chuck sized pieces. His face softened when he saw Adam looking at him.

"Switch!" Charlie called out.

Now Adam was dancing with Vaggie, much better than that freak. They didn't speak the whole time, which was fine.

"Switch!"

This time, finally Adam was pulled into Lucifer's arms. He smiled at him as they swayed together in perfect harmony, the music moving them. "Hey."

"Hey, did that asshole hurt you?"

Adam snorted. "No, that was just to piss you off." He felt Lucifers arm tighten around his waist bringing him closer. "But if I said yes, would you beat that fucker up?"

"I'd do it just because he touched you." Lucifer meant it, he didn't need a real reason to go deer hunting, but if that fucker laid a hand on Adam he'd kill him.

Adam felt his heart flutter, butterflies danced in his stomach. "I feel so special."

Lucifer twirled Adam outward and pulled him back in. "You are special. To me especially."

They stared into each other's eyes, Adam could get lost there forever. It's like nothing else existed but them. The music stopped but they didn't let go of one another. Adam and Lucifer kept eye contact a few moments more before Adam felt a hand in his hair, with half lidded eyes he looked at Lucifer's lips as he looked at Adam's. The hand in his hair guided him closer until their lips met in a tender kiss.

Adam opened his mouth when Lucifer's tongue licked at his lips asking for entrance and deepening the kiss. Adam sighed softly as the hand in his hair grazed the base of his horns, his own hands clung to Lucifer's shoulders holding him close.

"Dad what the fuck!?"

Adam and Lucifer pulled apart like they had been burned. Oh no! Everyone fucking saw them makeout like a couple of teenagers. They shared looks of shock. They never slipped up like this. They turned to see everyone looking at them with varying degrees of emotions.

"I fucking called it." Angel said looking smug, Husk handed him a twenty.

Adam felt like his face was on fire, embarrassment starting to set in. He was getting uncomfortable with everyone looking at him like a fucking zoo exhibit.

"Charlie I can explain." Lucifer started.

"Explain what? That you've been seeing Adam behind my back and didn't tell me? Cause that was a very passionate kiss."

Adam wanted to die a third time. He put his face in his hands. He was sure all the blood in his body was in his face. "God dammit." He swore under his breath.

"Charlie, dear. Don't be mad, I didn't want to say anything to you until I was sure how I felt."

"How do you feel?" She asked.

Lucifer removed one of Adams hands from his face, Adam looked at him and swore he melted at how gentle that look was. "I, I care a lot about him. Adam makes me happy in a way I haven't felt in a long time."

Adam felt the same way. "So do I." It came out just above a whisper, just for Lucifer to hear. His smile was so wide it hurt his face.

Charlie looked at them and her temper simmered away into nothing. Oh. "I'm glad you're happy dad. I just wish this wasn't how I found out about you guys."

"I'm sorry Char, we kinda, got lost in the moment."

"Like right now?" Angel chimed in. "For the record, you guys dance amazing together. I can only imagine what it looks like when you fu- ow! Husk!"

Husk had pinched him. "No one wants that mental picture."

"Are you mad?" Adam finally asked.

Charlie sighed. "All I want is for my dad to be happy. If that's with you, then so be it. Just don't hurt each other." That would be one hell of a break up.

"Thank you, Charlie." Lucifer said. He pulled Adam back in for another kiss, this one sweet and soft. Adam's heart raced and thrummed with joy.

"Get a room you two!" Angel yelled.

That they could definitely do.

[dumb-butt-with-a-sword]

One of the things that gets me about people who think Logan is a terrible side is that Logan literally has sacrificed so much, arguably more than the others.

Also whenever he accidentally hurts someone he always apologizes as soon as he knows what he's done wrong. Not only that but he actively strives to improve himself and be more understanding, even if it's hard sometimes.

Not all the characters do that. In fact, some of the characters refuse to apologize for doing much worse things.

A lot of people criticize Logan for having a hard time being wrong like that's not an issue that the other sides don't have. A lot of the sides have an even harder time being wrong and in more damaging ways.

Logan could give up but he refuses because no matter how much he's going through, he is always searching for new ways to help Thomas, even if it's not always appreciated.

He can't give up and he can't take a break because even if he feels unimportant he knows that he has to do what's best for Thomas.

And yeah, he goes too far sometimes but literally all of them have and often in more damaging ways.

And people get upset that he's angry about the way he's treated. All of the sides have been through a lot and they've all accidentally hurt each other, but Logan definitely has the right to be upset. Of course he's going to lash out. He is being mistreated and no one apologizes.

He cares so much about Thomas and literally only wants what's best for him and sometimes it's hard because he doesn't really know how to express that. He's scared of failing and he's scared of being faulty because if he's faulty then he can't help Thomas.

If he makes mistakes then he sees that as a failure. If he's not taken seriously then he feels like he's not doing his job right. If he can't help then he feels obsolete.

His job, the only reason he exists, is to be Thomas's logic and if he's wrong and if he's not listened to then that means he's failed and he can't help Thomas.

I'm not trying to say the other sides are cruel or bad. They all have a place and a purpose. They are all flawed. But the hypocrisy drives me crazy.

Logan is doing his best and he is surprisingly patient considering the circumstances.

Stop giving Logan so much crap.

[lynxgriffin]

OKAY there were a lot of asks specifically for the most recent comics, so I figured it'd be easiest to just try and respond to all in one big block rather than clog up your dash with multiple asks!

Yeah, the problem with where Kris is now is that no one's really going to discourage them from going on a revenge quest, and there's no one around to really help them process the feelings of what happened. Not a good headspace to be in!

I would say they are about 17 now, so a little older than I would have them be in canon. So yeah, they were already living with the Dreemurrs for a few years.

He would be happy to share a cup of tea and some cake with friendly humans!

Maybe he's got a lot of practice at it! And yeah, usually not a good sign when a demon prince wants your soul.

Yes, the ceremony done incorrectly could have sent a human to the wrong place in the Dark World. The mark they put on Kris's forehead to show "who the gift was intended for" was actually very important in getting Kris directly to Ralsei.

Yeah, I suppose that may be inevitable since UT and DR themselves have so many overlapping elements! And some folks do think that Kris is DR's version of Chara (although I have my own thoughts on that, personally). At least with Chara, Asriel was there to dissuade them from actually carrying through on their intentions!

I think you mean Ralsei, but yup, he's just trying to be helpful!!

Kris at the moment doesn't have reason to suspect that Asriel was a part of the cult or the plan, but is also definitely primed to act rashly. Unfortunately, they probably can't actually talk until Kris gets back to the light world.

Yes, Ralsei would have let Kris stay at his castle as long as they wanted. Might have been all right, but after awhile Kris probably would have gotten bored and angry enough to want to leave.

Yes, they do, which is why they were suspicious of Ralsei offering them a bunch of desserts at first.

Well, hopefully parenthood (or adoptive parenthood) isn't the same as soul ownership! ;P

Thank you! I admit, I'm a giant sucker for that imagery.

Aaaand now they've lost that, too. Oops!

Ralsei is just all smiles about this arrangement!

There really is nothing quite so demonic as fine print, honestly.

Well, they quickly read through the main part of it. They may have skipped over a lot of the fine print, though.

Ralsei's just like... "Ambitious, but doable!"

It's more about what Kris now is to Ralsei than the other way around!

Oh Kris didn't exactly trust Ralsei fully, but was pretty much like "well, this seems like my best option, so I'll just take what I can get and worry about the consequences later."

Ralsei is being honest when he says that he wants companionship from Kris. The problem is is what "companionship" looks like to an immortal demon prince may not always be mutually beneficial for Kris. And there's no distance restrictions now; Kris can move as far away from Ralsei as they want, and Ralsei's still the one with power over their soul.

[jules-ln]

About mythological ships:

What is your OTP? (favorite romantic/sexual relationship)

What is your BROTP? (favorite platonic relationship)

What is your NOTP? (the opposite of OTP)

You can say more than one in each category if you want

Sure, but it's going to be loooong and there might be some hot takes ahead

OTP

🔹️Patrochilles:I don't need to say what's obvious; but these two own my house, my dog, my soul

Like it's not so much that I think they're perfect for each other, is that I think even when they aren't perfect for each other they still love the other a lot

Besides, I think these two are very interesting Characters on their own right, so a relationship between the two is also very interesting to think about

🔹️Menelaus/Patroclus: I'm sorry, but I know myself and let me tell you, when I have a favorite ship, it always has the character that I don't ship with anyone but the other character, and the character I ship with everyone. So I don't ship Achilles with anyone but Patroclus, and I ship Patroclus with everyone.

So, Idk, I just thought that they must be very close for Menelaus to risk his life to get Patroclus' corpse back. And maybe one day Menelaus will be fed up with Helen and Patroclus will be angry with Achilles and maybe they help each to have a good time 👀

🔹️Briseis/Patroclus: I actually like this as an unrequited love scenario, I imagine Briseis loving Patroclus because he's the only man that has been kind to her in a while, and she doesn't know if it's really love, or if it's her emotions hanging to the one of the few sources of comfort she can find. Like she isn't sure if she would love him if they had meet during times of peace instead of war

Meanwhile, Patroclus just doesn't love her in that way, but he does loves her like a sister, and doesn't want to hurt her feelings either

🔹️Paris/Patroclus: listen, listen, LISTEN, I already said that I ship Patroclus with everyone, and in this case I just thought "Oh, I like Paris, I wished he had someone who didn't treat him like shit and appreciated him" and my brain immediately went "You know who would be amazing at that? That's right, Patroclus because if he can put up with Achilles' shit, he can put up with Paris' shit"

So basically I just want Patroclus to hug Paris against his tits and call him a good boy

🔹️Odysseus/Diomedes: For this I'll explain that I have the headcanon that both Odysseus and Penelope are AroAce and in a QPR

Meanwhile Diomedes is a baby gay who doesn't even know he's gay

So I have the headcanon that Diomedes has a very big crush on Odysseus, and Odysseus of course is like "Oh, this can be useful" and is basically just using Diomedes

🔹️Diomedes/Sthenelus: Like Briseis and Patroclus, I like them more as an unrequited love situation

I imagine Sthenelus being in love with Diomedes since they've met, but Diomedes just doesn't feel the same, he loves his friend, but not like Sthenelus would like him to

🔹️Agamemnon/Clytemenestra:

They are the same, to all the people that says that Agamemnon deserved it, so did Clytemenestra when Orestes killed her

Like, Clytemenestra was angry because it was HER daughter, but later she doesn't has any problem in killing someone else's daughter (Cassandra) So I know for a fact that had Agamemnon and Clytemenestra change places at Aulis, she would've done the same to Iphigenia

So this is a case of unlovable hand in unlovable hand lol

🔹️Peleus/Menoetius: I have nothing to say about this one except that for me is what if Patrochilles but old man yaoi

🔹️Helen/Andromache: this but in a toxic Yuri kind of way where Andromache feels guilty for cheating on Hector but not enough to actually stop and Helen is in for the fun

BROTP

🔹️Odysseus&Penelope: controversial opinion, but like I said, I think they both are AroAce that one day found each other and immediately there was a mutual understanding. So basically they're in a QPR

They want to be together because for them there's just nobody else in the world who can understand them like the other, and sometimes friendship is more powerful and long-lasting than romantic love

🔹️Achilles&BigAjax: I just like them being cousins

I have this headcanon that sometimes during battle Achilles would get up on Ajax' shoulders and then use him as a platform to jump and attack the Trojans lmao

🔹️Automedon&Patroclus: If Patroclus had to be Achilles's nanny, I think Automedon was Patroclus's nanny lmao

Like in my headcanon Automedon is a couple of years older than Patroclus, so Patroclus always goes to him when he wants advice or to complain about Achilles. And Automedon is more than happy to help him and be his older brother

🔹️Menelaus&Agamemnon: I think Agamemnon unironically cares a lot for his brother, and would try to protect him and do everything he can for him

🔹️Hector&Paris: I imagine these two have the relationship of "I hate you, but you ARE my brother"

🔹️Achilles&Odysseus: I love the idea of these two being friends.

I imagine at first Odysseus was like "I'm going to get close to Achilles so I can use him later" but then the dad instincts won, and he started to see him not as the best of the Greeks, but as a young man. And he starts thinking about that maybe Telemachus would be like him one day when he grows up

So he gets too attached and gives him good advice in different things, and of course Achilles doesn't listen to him at all, but he does appreciate the effort and they end up being close friends

🔹️Briseis&Iphis&Diomede: I just love the idea of Achilles' enslaved women being friends and supporting each other, they didn't have much, but they did have each other 🥺

NOTPs:

🔹️Achilles/Briseis: No, never, nope

Like, maybe if every freaking retelling of the iliad wouldn't try to force them to be together with the less chemistry imaginable and making Achilles forget that Patroclus even exist which in turns makes the whole story of the Iliad have no sense, I would like them more, but no

🔹️Achilles/Agamemnon: Short answer? No. Long answer? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

🔹️Poseidon/Patroclus: I'm sorry guys, I don't mess with this. Is just that personally I think the gods just see the humans as toys for their entertainment. So I imagine that if there was any relationship between these two, Poseidon would pretty much treat Patroclus as his personal sex toy, And I like my boy Patroclus too much for him to being used like that

🔹️Apollo/Cassandra: similar to Achilles/Briseis and Poseidon/Patroclus, with the added bonus that I think Apolla was a bitch with Cassandra. Like you can argue that Achilles deserved Apollo’s hate, but not Cassandra

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for distancing myself from my partner?

I, (17NB) and my partner (17NB) had a rough year. Thier family is super religious, and so is the place we live in, and we've had many fears about being outed. My family is less religious and I mostly raise myself so admittedly he's a lot more paranoid, and rightfully so I'd say. But ever since we've started dating I've had to ask them multiple times to improve thier communication.

To start off, I wish they were upfront, or atleast more firm about us breaking up, atleast in the first year. That wouldve solved a lot of heartbreak if they didn't want to be with me.

They dodged the question of physical intimacy of literally anything more than holding hands or cuddling multiple times, and yet mentioned they were ace offhandedly to a friend instead of giving me a straight answer (which I wouldve been fine with, I just wish they told me.) They tend to get angry quite easily and resort to snappish/ short answers, and, especially since them having a conversation with thier mom questioning thier sexuality, tend to abhor the smallest inkling of physical contact or sign that we're together, even if we're around friends who know, or alone.

After the conversation with thier mom, they asked to break up, but i basically pleaded for another chance and they agreed. I know it's my own fault at some point for beating a dead horse, but I recently had a conversation that kind of snapped the rose-tinted glasses right off.

We were discussing our futures, and there's a somber agreement neither of us will see each other again after school. Thats not what I'm upset about. They described having kids in a hetero marriage and joking to thier kids about the "wild" stuff they got up to in highschool like experimenting in a queer relationship, basically saying our entire 3 years of dating was a fluke or joke or experiment.

I realised this was the straw that broke the camel's back, they didn't really initiate or seem as eager as me about the sparse times we could go out alone together, they gave me a half finished craft I had to sew myself while I gave a painting for valentine's day, and various examples of bad communication. They're a good friend, I'm not so sure about partner.

So, I'm kinda trying to stop this year. I stopped frantically calling in school and rearranging lessons to be with them, I didnt spam text or think about making any gifts so far, I asked to have a..spicy experience with a friend or two (that my partner agreed with me doing). In my head I guess I told myself that we might call ourselves partners but the word just lost its meaning for us both.

So far, it's okay. It hurts, because it seems more like we're just friends instead of dating, but I want to focus on myself and my studies to get out of our really conservative area. Still, I feel guilty and a little resentful. I know I should've just accepted breaking up, but we're kinda codependant. They and I both know we can't be without each other.

They love me so much, I know that. They've done so so much for me and dragged me out of a horrible place pretty much single-handedly, they're just not great at communicating or emotional maturity. Also, they seem to think queer people go to hell in some self-imposed notion of religious guilt, and when I express resentment towards religions that push homophobia on thier followers they seem weirdly defensive of it.

For context, I have BPD (my partner has, for a long time being my 'favourite person') and what I'm reluctant to call "severe" trauma but it's been described as that. I'm genuinly curious to know if this is a result of some upbringing-induced overreaction or if its okay to just kinda give up on my own relationship. Yes, I'm aware that the best thing would be to break up but I dont think I could ever leave them, for some stupid reason.

What are these acronyms?

[beautifulterriblequeen]

We're getting to close to seeing how Callum and Runaan are going to interact! They both love Rayla, but will they let that outweigh the fact that Runaan killed King Harrow?

Rayla and Callum love each other, but their fathers were on opposite sides of a deadly clash, and one of them didn't survive. It's going to be intense, no matter how it falls out.

But we've seen this particular tangle come up before. And there's a wide range of results so far:

Zym and Ezran are bonded closely and can read each other's thoughts when they want to. But Ez's dad killed Zym's dad, and before that, Zym's dad killed Ez's mom. Yet that doesn't stop them from seeing each other as friends. They don't blame each other for the choices their parents made.

Rayla and Soren have talked through what Viren did to Runaan in TTM - as far as Soren knew and could guess at, which was that Runaan was messily dead dead at Viren's hands. And Rayla was still happy to be his friend, when he showed his true colors. She didn't blame him for what his dad did to hers, even when she still thought Runaan was gone.

These friendly pairings are all about people from the same generation, people who were hurt by or who were not involved in the deaths that occurred.

It's a little different for Claudia and Rayla. They've generally been on opposite sides all along, and we might see some closer context for Rayla and Callum from looking at their situation.

On one hand, they both know that Viren cursed Lain, Tiadrin, and Runaan into coins. There could be plenty of fallout to come from this knowledge on Rayla's part, and maybe even on Claudia's if she gave those coins away when Viren had some kind of plans in mind.

On the other hand, they also both know that Rayla tackled Viren off the Storm Spire, and he died, and it took Claudia two years to fix that.

Just like it's been taking Rayla two years to "fix" Runaan's coin situation (with vengeance, which will probably now shift to rescue instead?)

But when Claudia and Rayla clashed in S4E9, their issues with each other stuck to what they had done, not what their fathers had done.

And though the angst potential is great with Runaan and Callum potentially squaring off and forcing Rayla to choose a side, etc etc, I think there might be one more example to look at first:

Ezran and Rayla.

They've already bonded as children made to carry a heavy burden of responsibility by their fathers, of feeling separate and weird, not fitting in. They both know what it feels like to have a father who takes lives, a warrior who defends his people - and who kills the fathers of other children. And they're still friends. They're very good friends.

I think Callum has every right to be angry at Runaan, when they meet again. I think he will be angry. He's an angry person with a lot of hurt and stress. And that might be how he deals for a while, because I don't know that Rayla or Runaan himself will really be in a position to help smooth things out.

But Ezran could be, possibly more than anyone else. Harrow was his father, too, so he can speak to Callum from a place of true empathy. But Harrow took Avizandum's life and left Zym without his dad, too. Ezran could help Callum see their shared pain from the outside, even when he's angry. Ezran is the King of Katolis - made so by Runaan's attack, in fact. Ezran rules because of Runaan's actions as much as by the good people who rescued him from Viren's cell.

Oh yeah, how about that: Ezran knows what it's like to be locked up by Viren, too.

They were both betrayed by supposed allies, and Viren pounced on the opportunity to lock them both up.

Bringing Runaan back might divide Rayla and Callum for a while, if Callum can't sort through his feelings. But I think Ezran is the key to helping everyone involved move forward.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP I'm so exhausted and heart broken over this NewJeans mess. Funny thing is I got into the group after seeing you talk about them late last year, I fell in love with Ditto and started watching them closely. I saw how MHJ would treat them and smile at them in candid shots like the Lolla show, and felt at ease that they would continue to succeed with her managing them.

But since this issue started when I try to express why I'm uneasy with HYBE controlling NewJeans, I'm downvoted to negatives on reddit and qrted to hell on Twitter. Army friends have unfollowed me even though I've said I'm against the hate on BTS. I don't even stan NewJeans the way I do BTS, but because I'm critical of Hybe and siding with Ador, I'm called all sorts of names and yesterday Armys tried to suspend my account. Even BigHit's former choreographer has come out in support of Ador, other idols have publicly come out in support of NewJeans and N Capital came out to refuse Hybe's claims that MHJ met them to take Ador out. I feel things are not as Black and White as Armys are saying about this issue, and that NewJeans is under risk if MHJ leaves.

Everybody is calling me crazy and on one hand it's whatever. I know how kpop stans are in general so I'm not surprised, but I'm truly starting to worry. I started writing this ask 3 times before settling on what I've written now, because I kept getting choked up. I know its just kpop and I shouldn't be this attached, but I'm so scared BPP. Those girls are not even 2 years old as a group and their future is already looking so bleak when at the start of this year, their future was so bright. I remember you said they might technically even get a Grammy nomination this year. I feel sad and angry but I'm unable to express myself freely in all the fandom spaces I usually spend time in.

What should I do? How can I handle this? If it were you, what would you do? Sorry if this ask is super whiny but you always have good advice and I need some right now.

***

Listen, you already know what you should do. You just seem to lack the will to do it, at least that's what it seems like.

ARMY is the largest fandom in k-pop and they've deemed NewJeans as persona non grata. Most other HYBE fandoms also aren't looking too keenly on NewJeans and with how obsessive k-pop stans are in everything they do, this will be a long-term problem for NewJeans and their fandom. If Bunnies were a bigger fandom it wouldn't be too much of a problem, but they aren't, so the lifetime of the group is already halved.

If you only got into NewJeans six months ago and you're already this attached, you need a cold turkey break. Things are looking grim given the girls have expressed support for MHJ, and it's very unlikely HYBE will lose this case. Those girls are more or less done, so I'd say you should cut your losses and start detaching from them now to spare yourself more heartbreak later. Also, block the 'ARMY friends' who are downvoting, quote tweeting, and otherwise harassing you. You're in fandom to enjoy a community about the things you love, not to get stuck in never-ending arguments with people who have little else going on in their real lives.

The primary danger of k-pop, is getting sucked in. A lot of people here are fully, irredeemably sucked in. On both sides of this matter, ARMYs, Bunnies and kpoppies alike, the majority of this crowd is people who think they are normal but have lost any real semblance of perspective on what this industry is and of their place in it. You need to cut loose because you seem to already be in a somewhat fragile state, and what this space does is pervert that hurt you feel into a tribal sort of resentment.

I can't really say what I would do if I were you, because I don't feel attached to NewJeans the way you do. It's a shame the girls have become collateral damage, but given how quickly they became massively successful in this industry, this is unfortunately a more expected outcome for them, than not. It's sad, but that's the nature of things here. I like BTS, but like I've said many times before, I don't see myself as having any significant influence over their careers and choices. Whatever they choose to do with HYBE or whatever is their business, I simply keep supporting them for as long as I like them and the music they make.

This mess with HYBE is peculiar (and different from the 50-50 case) because NewJeans and ADOR are saying they don't want to leave HYBE (yet), while HYBE is punishing them as though they are asking the courts to let them leave HYBE. It's created a situation such that even if NewJeans stays or leaves, they are in a sense doomed, to be blunt. And you need to make your peace with that.

Some ideas to help:

A cold turkey break is very needed. The way you're talking about this group doesn't seem healthy. It wouldn't seem healthy if you were talking about BTS either. It might be a good idea to block anything related to k-pop for the next two weeks. Things will only get messier because the stakes are high, and HYBE has shown they have no problem going low. For your sanity, I really think you should stay away cold turkey and tightly curate your online spaces when you return.

Consider stepping away from Twitter and Reddit. I'm less familiar with Reddit but for Twitter, you have the option of making your account private, blocking the ARMYs harassing you, finding more sensible Bunnies to commiserate with, using lists to keep up with topics and accounts, etc.

Consider spending more time on Phoning. After taking some time to cool off, use NewJeans' app to connect more directly with the girls to show them love and support.

Try to focus on the music. NewJeans will have comebacks on May 24th and June 21st. The best way to support those girls now, is to focus on their music and support that. Personally, I've already ordered full sets of their albums since this might be the last ones we see with Min Heejin's creative direction. (Also, they might become collectable lol). Of course I hope that's not the case, but supporting their music is the most direct way to support the girls right now, in my opinion.

I'm sorry you're in this state, I'm even more sorry that the girls are in this state, but you need to detach and remember they have their own lives, are making their own choices, and that has nothing to do with you.

Good luck.

[khaire-traveler]

i feel like all my gods have abandoned me and that i've done something really wrong, but i can't seem to contact them to ask about it. do you have any tips or advice?

Khaire,

My advice is to reflect on what your current emotional and mental state are like. Are you depressed? Anxious? Angry? Generally upset? If yes, this is likely why you're struggling to contact your deities. I've found that our emotional states greatly contribute to our ability to communicate with deities effectively, especially when using divination.

There's also a lot of context missing here. I don't know anything about your situation, really. What do you think you did wrong? Why do you think they've abandoned you? Who told you that they've abandoned you? If no one told you that, I encourage you to reflect on why you'd jump to that conclusion. Have you felt abandoned by gods before? When did you first feel that way? What can you do to recognize when this feeling is one you're creating for yourself or one that has legitimate basis?

To me, it sounds like you're very anxious, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong being actually mentioned here. You think you've done wrong, but what exactly do you think you've done? Why would they be SO mad at you that they just up and left without a single word? What reason would they have? I've certainly been in a place where I've felt like my gods have abandoned me, even though there was no reason to think that, and that's why I offer you these questions. It was really helpful for me to get more curious about these feelings whenever they came up, and it helped me recognize that these were all things that I was telling myself. My deities had never suggested they'd leave me before. They've never given any hints that they wanted to abandon me out of the blue, especially those I'm very close with. If anything, they've always expressed the exact opposite. What have your deities expressed to you in the past? I think you'll find that they didn't suggest they'd be abandoning you.

Take some time to ground yourself, Nonny. Do what you need to do to find some sense of peace. Maybe put on a comfort movie, light up a deity candle or incense, drink something warm, eat something yummy, and get cozy. You don't have to say anything to the deity; just allow yourself to exist in their presence while you relax. You'll be ok. Regardless of what happens, you'll be ok.

[cookinguptales]

Something I always think about a lot during disability/chronic illness/rare illness pride months is like... It is wild how often people will come up to me and want me to listen to some guilty secret they have re: disability and expect me to tell them it's okay.

Like... once I was waiting for my dad to bring the car up at the airport, and this guy approaches me and starts telling me why he'd never want to date a disabled woman. (I'm gay and completely uninterested in men, which made this whole interaction even more awkward.) And after talking about all the reasons why people like me would not make a good partner he turns those sad eyes on me like, "But that doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I'm not doing anything wrong. Like, you get it, don't you?"

You get it, don't you?

I hear that one a lot.

Like when the grad student teaching one of my classes at my university was chatting to me after class and told me that once she and her friends went to Disney World and pretended to be disabled to get onto the rides faster. I recognized the nervous laughter, the entreating look. The you get it, don't you?

I understand what these people are asking me for. They want absolution. They want this disabled person, maybe the first real disabled person they've ever talked to, to listen to their guilty secret and tell them they're okay. They're not a bad person. I don't mind. I don't judge them. I get it.

But frankly... I don't get it. These people often tell me that they've done things that make disabled people's lives actively worse. Disney has changed their policies re: disability because so many able-bodied people were abusing them. Companies and organizations walk back accommodation policies all the time because they're being abused. That grad student who pretended to be disabled actively made disabled people's lives harder.

And I don't really give a shit if one asshole dude doesn't want to date disabled women (probably better for those women, tbh) but I know how bad it feels to be ghosted on a dating app when you talk about accessibility, even when your profile is explicit about your disability. I know that I felt like I was not worth loving in spite of my disability for years because I knew that people like that guy would only see all the ways I'd slow them down.

Guys like that actively make us hate ourselves.

But like... it's wild how these people don't see how the only thing crueler than harboring these feelings and doing these things is making some random disabled person listen to their stories. My day was going great before some guy practically gave me a powerpoint about why I should never expect to have a relationship. I really enjoyed that class before I found out that my teacher had participated in the exact kind of ableist theft of accommodations that was currently making it difficult for me to get accommodations at that school.

They took this weight they were holding on their shoulders and then forced it onto mine -- and then expected me to comfort them. To tell them it was okay. To throw my fellow disabled folks under the bus.

And -- both of these times in particular, I was in situations where I was not really free to speak my mind. Alone with a big guy in a parking garage? Alone with the woman who would ultimately decide my grade for the class? The power differential there was huge. And whether they were consciously doing it or not, they were leveraging that power differential to try and force me to give them absolution.

I made noncommittal noises. Really, what else was I supposed to do? And even then, I could see the spark of disappointment and anger in their eyes. I was supposed to tell them it was okay that they'd hurt me and people like me. I was supposed to tell them they were still good.

But I didn't want to offer them absolution, and I was angry that they'd asked for it in the first place. I can't offer you forgiveness for something you know is wrong -- and that you've done nothing to fix. Moreover, I won't. You should feel bad that you hurt us. You should feel guilty. It's a shitty thing to do.

If you want to feel better about yourself, stop doing shitty things!

And I knew these people were still doing shitty things because dumping all this on me when I was just minding my own business was in and of itself a shitty thing. Trying to transfer their burden to me. Reminding me about the discrimination I have to face every day just so they could feel better. Expecting me to do emotional labor on command for strangers because it doesn't matter if I hurt so long as they feel good.

That's shitty! Don't do it! I already have to use physical crutches, don't try to turn me into an emotional one!

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

Pride's a strange time for me. For years it was a quiet, sad, hopeful little silent celebration for me -- for as long as it took to get my family all the way out of the cult where we trained, and worked, and worshiped, and lived.

Whenever we run into people from the cult who've made it out -- really out, not just left but stopped believing in the demons that haunt forbidden things waiting to latch onto us, and the immediate perfection of the soul, and our responsibility to personally bring about the imminent end of the world -- when we find them it's like finding family. They know what it was like.

So we sat around the table, the other night, talking about how the church attached to it closed down, and how much worse we felt for a while after we left, and how much better we feel now. And then one of them said that the cult might be about to close too. They're running out of money. They have been for a long time, but they've got no land and no companies left to sell.

So I went into Pride with a strange feeling of collapse -- restraint gone with the walls of the place that used to stand between me and the rest of you.

My sister just left a few months ago. My mom a few months before that. Neither of them has really processed how it was, though they've started to understand a bit. When I try to talk to them about it, they shut down. The boundaries of the things they're not allowed to think still hold. They might always. Hell is a deep fear.

It's strange that the one thing I'm thankful I took from the cult was my partner. I'm so glad I've got him -- me, a dyke, not that I knew that when I got married; my first kiss was my wedding day and we hadn't done more than hold hands. He was the first one to ask if I wanted to leave. He wanted me to be okay more than he wanted me to stay. He's been the first one to gladly hear all the things I was doubting and all the forbidden things I'd learned. He's made space for me and kept liking me while I've learned how to be angry and sad and assertive and tired. He's figured out how to be my partner now that I can't be his wife any more.

For a while we had plans to separate as soon as I finished college. My cult's college degree is unaccredited and I have no work experience outside them and the church. I don't even know how to write a resume. We've had to postpone that indefinitely. Kiddo has multiple disabilities, and one of us needs to stay with her, and my partner has work experience, so he's bringing in the income. We're in a holding pattern. And yet.

Our house does not belong to them. None of our income comes through them. They don't have access to records of our spiritual care or our mental health. I have an ex-fundie lesbian therapist, and meds, and friends. I've got a queer book club. I can go to Pride with my family, look across the street at my friend from the cult praying and protesting the event, and know that if she sees me, it doesn't matter any more. I own my soul.

Year by year the boundaries of me get clearer. I don't feel like a ghost now, and I'm figuring out how to be a person.

I've been here on tumblr for twelve years, over the whole course of this slow escape, from the year I married my husband until now. A lot of what I saw here helped me imagine a happy future for us, and learn about queer history, and give a sense of family and a place in the world. I know some of you are coming from similar pain, and I hope you know I'm with you. And I don't talk about my life on here that often, but it's good that I can. The only people left living with me love all of me. Happy Pride, y'all.

[cherubchoirs]

Quick question about Raphael, could you please give us some more insight on him? He's always portrayed as positive and "we can do this" in Spite of his brothers reluctance, how is this boi actually doing?

raphael's emotional state is actually pretty interesting, as he is basically made to be the one that acts as an anchoring force for the others. in this way, he's very difficult to actually wear down, with his positivity ingrained into his very being as an angel and essentially where he operates from as a default. that being said, i think his current situation in the au is what has been able to truly shake him for the first time (barring the war in heaven, when he was still rather young) and everything raphael relies on externally to help him maintain has collapsed. it obviously began with god's death, enough to make the whole of heaven unbalanced, but the deterioration of his family has multiplied that far beyond its initial impact - uriel fell into his coma, michael abandoned them, and gabriel was worked to the point of falling. as it stands, these issues are at best half-resolved as their family reconnects, leaving raphael in the middle of a complete mess that he doesn't have god to fall back on in while he tries to process a lot of pain and conflicting interests. so. he's. kinda actually stressed out for once.

however, like i alluded to in the ask about how the brothers might show their appreciation for him, he doesn't want anyone to know that he's beginning to buckle, and there's several reasons for that. the first is inherent, that this is part of his role as an angel and to fail at your fundamental work is a great shame to the host of heaven. the second is how he feels he's the last one still standing, that while he's taken several hits emotionally, he's really all they've got to hold them together considering what's happened to the other three beside him. the third and final ties into the second, that raphael simply feels he hasn't earned feeling stressed - gabriel has fallen and now must reside in hell, uriel has no more work to be done and can't seem to fully recover his consciousness, and michael now carries on all his previous responsibilities in a dead body. what does raphael have to complain about? it's just him. as he always was. he's okay. he hasn't been hurt the way they have, hasn't lost so much the way they have. of course it's hard for them, look at all the suffering they're each going through, the least he can do is be a soft place to fall for them all when he's come out so unscathed. he needs to fulfill his role now more than ever, yet he knows more and more he's running off of his own personal store of positivity. it refuses to give out, but it's proving to not be enough when he's asked so many times to provide it. and all he can feel is an ever-growing guilt.

however...i do think this works its way to a very much needed breaking point for raphael, because a key point of his personality is that he's painfully non-confrontational - if he ever had problems with someone, he inevitably would tattle on them to michael or gabriel so they could sort them out lol but now, he obviously doesn't have that option, and for the good of all of them he sort of...needs to allow himself to get angry. because he has been left to bear the brunt of all this emotional pain, because this comes at the end of possibly centuries of him doing this exact same work for a grieving heaven. raphael really hasn't been given his chance to mourn, to break down, to give space to all the negative emotions that have built up in this chaos. and in a way, he does feel so left behind. they all left him, and while he understands the choices they made, he can't stand how broken they've become - and so he loses his temper, though his anger is largely focused on michael. his insistent dogma is destroying their family and himself, he's so badly needed in heaven but he's totally preoccupied on restoring the punishments of hell. he must let go, he must see what's most important now is achieving whatever sense of peace they can. stop fighting gabriel, stop trying to kill his robot, and stop making it your personal mission to see every little torment of hell reinstated!!!! heaven should be michael's priority, rebuilding and helping the citizens adjust to so much newfound freedom. hell is beside the point!!! the prince of heaven needs to be in heaven!!!!

gabriel and uriel think for a minute they'll get off free, but they don't once michael's given enough to think about (it's a lot to be yelled at by raphael, who's never so much as raised his voice) gabriel NEEDS to stop antagonizing michael, he's absolutely belligerent and often challenges his belief in god which he KNOWS is going to inflame him!! fair enough that michael started it, but gabriel's absolutely let his temper get the best of him when it comes to how he's handled michael (gabriel's ready to offer a myriad reasons, but raphael sternly tells him he will hear him out later!!) and uriel has been far too silent altogether - raphael knows he agrees that what michael's doing is wrong, but he hasn't confronted him a single time. like i previously talked about too, uriel is likely closest with michael at this point and often spends time with him, so he knows his opinion is valuable not only in their relationship to each other but for his wisdom. raphael doesn't really get into his own feelings on the matter, but he says more than enough when he makes it clear he will no longer facilitate their implosion. unless they want true progress toward harmony and reconciliation, he wants no part in it. he's pretty much exhausted after taking such a stand and likely does later apologize for any harsh words, but his points all stand regardless. they can see raphael's not holding together as he once was (how could he) and they can see too they're all reaching a point of no return. while it should be obvious, raphael has made it clear this has gone far beyond any past bickering, and they need now to make the decision to remain a family or see what they have left collapse.

[nectaric]

@rheaeaseandflow asked: How would the Big 6 (or Big 5 technically lol) feel about Rhea and Cronus reconciling after their father is freed from Tartarus?

very interesting question! i think there's three sort of camps that the five of the six i write would fall into. one) the "this is weird but i'm ultimately just happy if she's happy" crew, two) the "i am angry with this but i honestly don't care any more" group, and three) the "this is a complete betrayal" crowd, and i think who falls where will be... surprising.

one) this is where demeter and hades fall. i think demeter is a little more forgiving than the rest of her siblings, actually, and of all of them feels the least ill will towards their father. it's not zero ill will, of course, but it's lesser. she also is much closer with rhea than some of the others, i believe, and would therefore be much more inclined to just say "follow your heart, even if it's back to dad!" hades is in a similar boat. he thinks it's weird, and he hopes she doesn't expect him to reconcile the same way, but he's not here to tell her what she can and cannot do, and would ultimately be happy for her to have done that healing.

two) this is where hera falls. the thought of cronus ever coming to a family function boils her blood, and she thinks her mother's choices are reckless and foolish (though, that's how hera feels about a lot of things). but she ultimately wouldn't care enough to intervene or say anything beyond a sarcastic "really?" before moving on with her life. a part of her understands that the heart wants what it wants, and that forgiveness is a virtue she could stand to learn a little more of, so she gets it. she's mad, but she gets it.

three) this is where both zeus and poseidon fall, but in different ways and for different reasons. for poseidon, it's a little more straightforward. his feelings about his childhood are incredibly complex, and his anger is intense. he loathes cronus for the damage he's done, and poseidon cannot stand the thought of him. i think it would feel more like a betrayal on rhea's part because they've been working so hard to reconcile themselves, so to see his mother reunite with the man who is really to blame for his suffering would be painful.

zeus, though, is complicated. i mean, i think he's the one who gives cronus the pardon and allows him to be free in the first place, so he very much so has at least the wisdom and sense to engage in some pardoning on his own. but that does not mean he likes his father or wants to be around him. zeus' interactions with cronus were generally more personal (in terms of conversation, anyway) and more violent than the rest of his siblings. zeus is left with a lot of scars, both emotional and physical, on account of his father, and i think in his fight with cronus, really got to see the cruelty cronus was capable of. rhea reconciling with him would not be a betrayal to zeus because he hates cronus though - it would be because zeus' thoughts would turn to "what was i even fighting for? what was the point of all i did, all i endured? could all of this have been avoided?" and that line of questioning is so hurtful he can't help but feel a little betrayed by his mother for even making him doubt.

this is not to say, of course, that these opinions could not or would not change, some quite quickly, in coming to understand the circumstances of this reconciliation. but there would definitely be a lot of complex emotions.