#have some bad or worser habits about it all

[geroya]

aaaAAAA MORE XARIS POSTING :)

[multifanlol]

Hello! I have another request if you don’t mind think you could do a Yandere Calamity trio headcanons kidnaps the reader but the reader either escapes or they’re friends come to rescue them? You can do them separately if you want

Hey! And yess I’ll do them together as it sounds interesting-

Tw: Kidnapping, yk the usual yandere stuff

Calamity trio kidnapping there s/o together but the reader escapes

After Amphibia

You hated this

You hated everything you hated them

You knew you didn’t even mean hate at that point you didn’t know what you thought of the three girls…..Anne, Sasha and Marcy

Your childhood friends

You met the friend group a little later (2nd grade) but you were still welcomed in with open arms

You couldn’t separate us when we were kids even as we aged

When we became teens though you began to notice some…..slight change of habits

You honestly felt stupid for not noticing especially since the red flags were there when we were only little kids now thinking about it they were always a little…..possessive

You noticed how they were your only friends that sticked around long enough, all your other friends suspiciously started ghosting you or just full on said they didn’t wanna be your friend…..

That’s another red flag you should of saw but you can’t blame you right? I mean there was no obvious signs they had anything to do with it…..

You almost didn’t notice there sly smiles when your friends walked away from you

As it went on they became worser but you didn’t bother leaving them as they were your only friends at the time…..

And when you did realise there wasn’t anything you could do they practically had control over you….

Sasha was like the ring leader at the time, lead whatever messed up thing they were gonna do to someone looking at you the wrong or “right” way aka showed some form of “interest in you, Marcy was like the brains forming the plan on how it’d work and stuff and Anne just…..followed along i guess you could say she talked to the person first but…..she didn’t really do much at the time

Although little did they know you actually did make a few friends only a few you met them before Amphibia how did they not find out? You weren’t even sure they usually knew your schedule but this time instead of going to school you ditched it and went to the park instead, call it dumb but with how unbelievably creepy your only friends have been getting you wanted to be away from them…..till they somehow found you at least

You ended up meeting two people there, bonded and over time you trusted them enough and became friends with them

You made sure to never and i mean NEVER make sure the girls found out that’s probably the only smart thing you did….

You remember noticing how weird they’d act whenever you’d mention a slight nice thing about someone that wasn’t them and if you told them you gained a friend? Yeah you weren’t gonna deal with that

Honestly you thank them as there probably the reason you realised how unormal the stuff the girls would do were I mean you grew up with them so you….kinda normalised it

During Amphibia you missed them although it did open your eyes a load of how they were…..too bad now there even worser I mean, they know combat now-

After Amphibia you thought Marcy would of moved that you honestly…..didn’t know how to feel sad or happy? You had no idea-

Although for some reason she didn’t move?

Like did she convince her parents or something? Maybe you should have been looking into how closely the other girls were getting to you…..

Next time you woke up it felt normal…..till you heard something on the news

It was a photo of…..you

And they were talking about you…..dying? Dying during the frog things attempting to take over the world what-

“Just putting this in here-oh your awake! Guys she’s awake!!”

“What..?”

“What is it Mar mar-oh your awake!”

“What is it guys-oh your awake….finally-“

You still remember the absolute shock and panic of your childhood friends turned into all being insanely in-love with you now kidnapping you and leaving you……you don’t even know

Like none of there parents even suspected anything, they still went to there house while one looked after you or something.

You didn’t even understand it and didn’t want to

You didn’t know how to react them telling you that they faked your death so nobody can “hurt you” or something like that and it’s for your own good

Instead things were different glancing at them first there just three teenagers, after knowing them for like a day you’ll learn these girls stopped a whole frog war i mean including you but it’s like they don’t even realise it

This time Sasha was still sorta the ring leader but she was still open to Marcy and Anne’s ideas as even though she was still an insanely obsessive person she still changed with not being controlling and manipulative anymore

She still has major anger issues though

And well the usual Marcy was the brains, and Anne was the heart this time it was all towards you

Deciding what needs to be locked up after every attempt of you escaping and failing, as an example Sasha thinks of ways to stop you from getting out, Marcy helps with that and Anne “lectures” you

You tried to escape, multiple times it just got harder and worser with every attempt you didn’t forget the time they nearly lost it with you after them giving you “everything” let’s just say you stopped trying afterwards

At least that’s what they thought

You didn’t even message your friends they just knew knowing your death had to be false in some way so they were ready to rescue you they just had to wait

Believe it or not you did actually consider just giving up and giving into them but one night Marcy was watching you but fell asleep after assuming you were asleep as you were actually a good faker after always having to do it so the girls would leave you alone you ended up getting a suspicious knock through the window, because believe it or not you still had windows, you needed air after all as they wouldn’t let you out but they were heavily boarded up

You just assumed it was some animal or something and tried to ignore it but it kept on knocking so you checked it out and nearly screamed then and there….

“OH MY-“

“SHH-“

You stopped quickly turning your head and seeing Marcy still in a deep slumber and then grabbing a plushie assuming it was you i guess

They showed you a note which read

“We’re gonna get you out of here y/n, just wait a little longer and don’t make them suspect anything we promise we’ll help you get out of here”

And just like that it begun

And here you are now it’s been months and all you’ve been doing is playing pretend with them and letting them treat you like how a little girl is with there dolls

You honestly felt like months was a little too long

You knew they were trying but you were becoming impatient so until you got a response from them you were observing different ways to escape

You ended up figuring out a way to beat them at there little “game”

You needed to defeat the three keys, brains, strength and heart

Whenever you’d usually escape they’d always be three steps ahead of you, literally

Marcy would have observed the place and see what was tampered with to show that your trying to escape, and would make it look more easy to get out of so that you’d find it believable

Sasha would be the one that stops you from escaping like easily holding you down, doesn’t matter how strong you are she IS meant to represent the strength word itself in the show

Anne would be the one to walk in the room acting like she didn’t know your little plan maybe getting you to tell her something pretending she’s gonna let you go…..she’s not manipulative she swears-

So you had it all figured out….

It was definitely more easier now as you had more privileges it still wasn’t totally easy as Sasha felt that she’s not sure if you totally gave in yet as she feels like it’s “too easy” or something like that

And just like that you got a response from your friends

It was all ready now….

And just like that you were about to jump out the window, it felt a little too easy….

“What are you waiting for, jump y/n!”

“I don’t know it just-nevermind”

“S/o, stop!”

Oh no…

“You don’t have to do this….just don’t jump out the window and we can just talk….”

“There just strangers s/o there clearly just manipulating you”

You had enough of this

“There not strangers…..there better friends then you at least…”

You noticed they had something behind them and you honestly weren’t just gonna stand there

“Goodbye….old “friends”

And just like that you were gone

“S/O!”

You couldn’t return back to your parents for now as you knew it wasn’t a very believable story and it was too risky as that’s where they would assume you’d go first

They never got over you escaping, they looked searched and even told everyone you were alive if they had to

I don’t think they’d ever stop looking

Anne would be heartbroken that you escaped after them being nothing but nice to you….

Marcy would feel stupid but be sad, stupid you outsmarted her sad that well….your gone

Sasha would be angry, would probably punch a wall at least twice a day when you escape, she would also cry while being angry

I guess it’s obvious they’d never stop looking…..not till they found you and if they did well……

Yeah 🙃

And well that’s it tell me more stuff like this you wanna see!! And hope you have a good day/night!

[nctrenjunie]

Bad habits~ Jaehyun(M)

Author: Sera

Genre: Smut

Comment: So it´s already over 1 am in my timezone so I didn´t upload it on his birthday but yeah fuck it.

It became a bad habit.

You had a lot of bad habits; biting your nails, staying up late, not getting enough sleep, provoking another bad habit of yours, replacing water with coffee so you could stay awake. But your worst bad habit was him. Jaehyun.

It started as a mistake. The first time you met him you weren't sure if he was real. You sat with your best friend at your favourite cafe, your third coffee that day, warming up your hands from the cold weather outside the cosy shop. Your friend was rambling again about her co-workers fight last week when you noticed him walking in the cafe. Your eyes met, he looked like a total prince mixed with boyfriend material. His reddening ears didn't get unnoticed while you stared at each other. Feeling shy, he was the first one to look away. Your eyes still on him, paralized by his beauty you noticed him looking for something, more likely for someone, until your eyes met again looking to the person seated in front of you. 

He started to make his way in your direction, looking between you and your best friend. Also noticing his presence now, she stood up, falling in his arms kissing his lips. Both of them taking a seat in front of you. Your eyes met again, your friends voice bringing both of you out of the trance she didn't notice.

“ Jaehyun this is Y/N, my best friend and Y/N this is Jeahyun my boyfriend.”

She was way to excited introducing both of you, hoping that you could get along with him.

“Nice to meet you Jaehyun.”

It has already been month. At first you thought the feeling you had around Jaehyun were just yours and his uncomfortableness around each other from not knowing the other one that well. But the more you got to see him, the more you felt into him. Your best friends request to meet every weekend with both of you didn't really help. 

It scared you so much. You knew you were falling for him and you knew you are gonna get hurt from the fall but it just felt so good, the adrenaline kick you had from falling deeper and deeper. The winter ended and spring started, the meetings with your best friend and Jaehyun became more irregular. Everytime you met her she started to complain more. You couldn't quite set why but their relationship had hit the hard rock floor. They just fought every time they met bringing you too think why both of them stayed in such a toxic relationship.

You remembered it clearly. The day you saw him again. Some of your old college friends wanted to meet up again, bringing you all into a nightclub. You sat at the bar, ignoring the other mens hitting on you while you looked around the crowd. You couldn't quite strike if it was the alcohol in your blood that made you feel so confident but you were already on your way to the dance floor.

He looked a little drunk, as same as you. You wondered why he was at a club seeming to be alone here. You stopped in the middle of the dance floor, rethinking your decisions. It was his appearance that made you continue walking to him. The red lights falling on his skin while a drop sweat was running down his jawline from the heat of the club. You tapped his shoulder. His smile plastered over his face from the alcohol faded as he turned around looking into your eyes, shocked to see you. You started.

“Hey, its been a while.”

He looked at you perplexed. The feelings he suppressed every time he saw you coming back. He knew it was a mistake but it felt so right. He took your hands, putting them around his neck, his hands falling down again pulling you closer to him. His eyes were looking right into yours. You felt it again. You were falling deep into it, as same as him.

“Please. Let me feel you, its okay if it's just for today Y/N. I've missed you and it feels so empty without you.”

“Ive missed you to Jaehyun.”

You already fell. His lips crashing onto yours, pulling you even closer to his heated body. He wanted to feel every bit of you, the surroundings totally forgotten. His tongue licked against your lower lip, asking for permission that you gradually gave him. You were the first one to pull away from the kiss, taking a deep breath, looking back into his eyes.

“Let's go somewhere else.”

The drive to his apartment didn't take long, both of you still feeling impatient to feel each others warmth. Entering his apartment, you start to remember. It's been a while since the last time all three of you watched a movie in his apartment, remembering your best friend. You were about to back out until you felt two muscular arms wrap around your waist from behind, bringing you back to the desire you felt. You needed him and he needed you. Both of you having the same thoughts. Even if it's just for this one night, you hoped it could fill the empty gape of affection you needed from him.

The next moment you were pressed against the wall. The kisses he pressed against your lips, rougher than the kisses you exchanged in the club. Jaehyun pressed your hands against the wall, kissing down your neck. His lips landed on your collarbone making you moan. You started to whine, wanting to put your hands in his hair. But Jaehyun held the grasp around your hands tight with a smirk, sucking hickeys on your sensitive skin. Kissing him back you started to feel his boner in his jeans. Your hands started to resist against his grasp, letting your hands go, he stopped kissing you. You looked him in the eyes, kneeling down in front of him. You unbuttoned his pants making them fall down on the floor with his underwear. You were surprised by his size, making him smirk while his ears got red again. Your thumb started to touch his tip, precum leaking out. You started to rub your hand up and down his shaft, your eyes still on him. Jaehyun started to moan as you kept on going. You put your mouth around the tip of his cock and started to bob your head down a little. Looking up at him, Jaehyun threw his head in his neck, the feeling overwhelming him wanting to feel you even more. Your movements were slow until his hand took you hair, pulling you away from his dick. You looked up at him, meeting his gaze. You looked even more mesmerizing like this. Pushing you down on his dick again he started to control the tempo. His moans started to grow louder while you started to gag around his dick as he pushed his dick deep down your throat. He wanted to feel more. Bobbing you faster on his dick he came in your mouth, pulling out of it. You swallowed his cum while his eyes met yours, looking satisfied by your actions.

Jaehyun pulled you up, flipping you over his shoulder he carried you to his bedroom, throwing you on his king size bed. After taking off his shirt, he got down on the bed. Climbing above of you, Jaehyun positioned himself between your legs. Your eye contact didn´t break, as he started to undress you, taking of your clothes and your undergarments. His right hand caressed your cheek as his lips met yours again. His left hand kneaded your breast while his right hand started to wander down your torso, stopping at your hip.

“Touch me Jaehyun.”

With your words, Jaehyuns hand wandered down to your pussy, sliding his fingers up and down your clit, while his thumb put pressure on your clit. You started to moan loud, bringing him to slip one finger into you. Your hands went into his hair, pulling on it because of the pleasure he made you feel. Jaehyun added a second finger bringing you close to your high. He stopped abruptly. You looked up, your tired eyes meeting his, as he started to talk.

“I want you to cum around me baby.”

The nickname made you blush, still feeling a little dirty because you shouldn't be the person to be called that by him. Looking up, Jaehyun already put the condom on, getting closer to you. His lips crashed onto yours as he started to push into you, your moans getting muted through the kiss. Both of you pulling away to breath, moans coming out of your mouths. You pulled him closer to you as he started to fuck you faster. The warmth of your bodies making it even more heated. Screaming his name you felt your high approaching again from the pleasure he gave you earlier. Jaehyun pulled you closer to him, hitting your sweet spot. Moaning his name you eyes rolled back, cumming around him.

 Coming down from your high, Jaehyun started to ram into you, chasing his own orgasm. Your hands went down to his neck, pulling it to your lips. Your tongue started to slide up his neck and you started to suck hickeys  onto him. Jaehyuns thrust began to become sloppy as he came. Falling onto you, Jaehyun pulled out, standing up to throw away the condom. Laying down next to you, both of you started to breath in the same rhythmus.

“I think I love you Jaehyun.”

“Me too, Y/N... I love you too.”

Both of you fell asleep. You were the first one to wake up the next morning. You wanted to feel regret but you couldn't. Still, you got up, grabbed your things and went out, going back to your daily routine. Jaehyun felt the same. He wanted to regret cheating on his girlfriend, even worse with her best friend but he couldn't, it felt to good, to right to see it as a mistake.

It has already been a week, both of you got back to your daily lives, when both of you agreed to meet, to talk about it. And that's how it started. Your secret meetings. Yes, at the beginning it was only sex. But both of you started to show the other one the feelings they had for each other. It just became a bad habit, meeting him. Worser than your coffee addiction or your sleep problems. You don't wanted to see it as a habit but you were addicted, as same as him. Addicted to the affection both of you gave each other.

It felt so good being with him, just his presence. But it felt so dirty and wrong,thoughts about your best friend coming up while riding her boyfriend. You wanted to tell her. She also had bad habits. Pretending like her relationship with Jaehyun was ok, trying to fix something that was already broken. She knew something was off, asking both of you separately if you had time, both of you declining, with an excuse. 

You already had a bad feeling in the morning, as you walked to the coffee shop you first met Jaehyun. Looking for your friend ,she sat at the same table you always sat. Walking to her you notice another person sitting in front of her. Jaehyuns eyes meet yours. Your friends eyes follow Jaehyuns gaze, landing on you. You looked at her, a faint smile greeting you. Sitting down, she started.

“I think we should talk about it.”

[libvrtines]

                          hewwo  i’m  felix  ( 20 ,  he / him , gmt )  and  i  just  realised  my  fc  has  no  mf  resources  that  aren’ t from  him  as  a  fetus  and  will  therefore  b  spendin  approximately  all  my  free  hrs  cranking  out  gif  icons  ,  so  lets  get  it  *  pained  laughter  *  !  this  is  my  boy..  except  he’s  not  my  boy  and  i  take  no  credit  for  who  he  is  as  a  person  because  he’s  the  personification  of  a  flaming  dumpster  fire  ,  xu  yuxian  .  his  pinterest  board  is  here  ,  i don’t  have  a  full  amazing  wc  page  but  i  do  have  some  wc’s  beneath..  so  if  u  jus  wanna  stick  around  for  that  i  won’t  blame  u  bc  otherwise  this  is  just  a  Wreck .   (    i  literally  just  had  to  search  up  my  muses  name  bcs  i  forgot  it  but  i  know  he’s  a  scorpio at  least  so  if  that  is  any  indication  of  how  this  is  gonna  be  then  yeah .  this  is  gonna  be  the  Worst   ) .  drop  a  heart  if  you  would  like  to  plot  ,  or  just  add  me  up  on  d*scord  no anime pls im christian#1950  for  quicker  messages  !  TW  :  mentions  of  drugs  ,  violence  ,  death ,  blood  , manipulation  . 

scanning XU YUXIAN, they are TWENTY FOUR year old and read as CUNNING but DECEITFUL, which explains why they are referred to as the VARMINT. before virtual reality HE was IMPRISONED FOR THE DISTRIBUTION OF DRUGS and living in QUINGDAO, CHINA. they’ve been said to look incredibly similar to HUANG ZITAO, but they’ve never seen it. in this new virtual world, they plan on DOING ALL OF THE CRAZY SHIT HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO and hope to NEVER GO BACK to reality. 

*    BACKGROUND    !

tl ; dr . “ the best way to solve a problem is just to eliminate it . " in thick accented mandarin. the roar of a bike kicked to life with exhaust pouring out of the tailpipe and the low graveled hum as it idles way past midnight. charcoal ashes and heavy-lidded eyes. teeth stained red from marlboro's and split, bloody lips. baseball bats through car windows, the scrape of a bic as it lights. the smell of cigarettes burned deep into veins. the drag of a knife light across a throat. knuckles blooming purple pressed into nose bridges, a smile with a pair of pliers knocking against porcelain teeth. THIS vine. 

so as formerly stated this is yuxian, the worser half of the xu siblings. disruptive and dangerously reactive to any sort of aggression, he's adapted to a reality reliant on violence and force over patience and rationale. he's an overall shitty guy, with some even shittier habits. street smart and instinctive, his world works in harsh turns and bared knuckled fists. 

dropped out of high-school.. was one of those ‘lunch is my fav class’ kids except he got dragged 2 school by the ear when he was younger and then people just. stopped giving a fuck  ! 

so he did what most boys do in big towns with no proper parental guidance: raised a little hell, drank a lot of alcohol when his liver was barely formed, fixed bikes and engines, and beat up a few rich kids who looked @ him the wrong way. speaks like every mf villain in an anime ever. over-enunciates vowels and suffocates his consonants. acts like the stray he p much is w parents as shitty as his. 

the xu family had earned themselves a nasty reputation in the community they lived in. they're tough, they're intimidating. they do things their way. xu’s speak with their fists and their knives and their brass knuckles and their bats, not known for thinking out their actions before acting out. violent. horrible. the worst People™. 

yuxian’s parents owned and operated a dim-lit, greasy restaurant in the heart of their community, once used to deepen the family's pockets as they sold some choice off-menu items, they were offered a deal by a rich family that bought up their block when yuxian was around 15, selling their enhanced drugs imported from europe behind the grime-coated counter. yuxian saw the $$$ and didn’t think abt how risky it would b, or that they’d be the ones caught red handed if they were ever raided. being able to label himself as a drug dealer just made his reputation in the community go up.. and he was livin la vida loca 

along with working as a drug-runner, he liked to fancy himself as something of a debt collector, making sure to "follow up" with anyone who hopes to evade payment to the family. weapons of choice include a baseball bat to the kneecaps and automatic knives. has he actually hurt anybody ?? absolutely Not. he a puthy ass bitch... but don’t say that to his face unless u wanna end up like that ‘what are u gonna do? stab me? guy who then.. got stabbed 

basically yuxian will do whatever it takes to get what he wants and to survive. he never considers himself a bad guy; he considers herself bold where others find him brash. he thinks that he's tough where he's really just a brute. he's never a bully, it's never unjustified, but if he ever is he doesn’t think much of it bc he’s never gonna change , ygm ?? 

he ended up in prison when he started selling drugs to the rich family’s only son, who lbr, became quite a decent friend to yuxian. the son in question had a bad side - effect to the dodgy drugs they were dealing and died of cardiovascular complications. worst thing is that the last memory xian has of the world before virtual reality is waiting for his parents or siblings to come visit him at but being stood up. next thing he knows he’s in a world where his freedom hasn’t been taken from him and he can. he’s Extremely Bitter, and very Chaotic, my guys. so watch out

*    PERSONALITY   !

honestly and truly, at the end of the day, yuxian is not a good friend to have. xian is not friendly. he will never say the thing you want to hear as opposed to how he is feeling, he'll never sugarcoat anything, he'll never be a listening ear. encouragement and support don't exist here. he is fickle and fair-weathered and will use and use and use until there's nothing left to give. 

self-serving and self-invested to his core, he cares so little it's essentially nonexistent for anyone other than himself. not even his family, given the circumstances. he is opinionated and reactive. volatile. if someone is looking for an influence in their life that will give no fucks and encourage even the smallest whispers of an impulse, yuxian is The One™. 

every bad influence every mother's warned about, everything you know you should say no to: that's her. he has nothing to lose and lives his life accordingly. those in his periphery, he encourages to do the same. respect and admiration are not easily earned. he needs to be impressed. the grander the debauchery, the more points earned. but of course, don't try too hard.. bc that’s corny and he can sniff someone simply trying to impress from a mile away. 

still, to those that he's aligned himself with and chosen to befriend – xian can be loyal the way a snake is to a pack. his trigger-haired temper and baseline defensiveness makes him a good rabid junkyard dog to have in any corner. loyalty is mostly reserved for those who benefit him or to those who serve his best interest – contrary to popular belief, he's not entirely stupid. but definitely has been called a bimbo a minimum of five times in his life. 

simply put, he's a thug. his family has terrorised residents and he hasn't fallen too far from the tree, reaping the benefits of everyone's worst expectations. he's vindictive, manipulative, short-tempered and callous. he'll go to extreme lengths – which often include coercion via intimidation or violence – to get what he wants. he has little regard for other peoples' safety, well-being, or feelings. he lives to ruin lives; not in that fuckboy-esque i'm-going-to-steal-your-gf-and-ruin-your-social-life kind of petty bullshit. he IS a fuckboy but that’s besides the point.. 

every action is based on gut-impulse, acting purely out of unfettered emotion without thinking of what the consequences might be down the line. just pls hate him bc he really deserves it. 

speaking of Love.. with a reputation that followed him from a few years into high school for being tht guy who makes u feel good abt urself then leaves u on read, he's learned to embrace it and accept that people think he just can’t commit. xian is not good in relationships, he doesn't quite know how to show affection in a healthy way. he gets possessive and jealous and easily poisons everything from the inside while trying to sort out the subconscious overbearing fear of this person realising how shit he is or actually realising they’re worth more than his half-assed attempts at affection. so instead he keeps it at an arm's distance before it gets that far. 

*    WANTED CONNECTIONS   !

bad influence ( somebody he is corrupting essentially ) friends who like to crash parties / slum around bars  perhaps people who he knows from before and were aware of his ugly reputation ?? idk this is gonna be an area only open to a few but if they ever lived nearby or in the city where he did then it’s a possibility  ! friends who like to smoke weed behind dumpsters people who he can con  someone who tries to see the good in him but beneath the dirt there’s just more Dirt enemies / frenemies violent low-lives who he can connect 2 on an emotional and physical level fwb / one-night stands / some sort of violent dislike in personality which in turn results in sexual tension  ?

[blindedguilt]

⚪🔴🖤✋

Verseday! Questions for my muse - Lukhege 1.3||Soldier of the Union ⚪ - What are small things that mean something to your muse

Growing up, doing each other's hair was always a somewhat intimate gesture reserved for the closest of friends and family. His village had been tight-knit, and having a mother and older brother (Occasionally, his younger brothers as well) always there to fix it when it was a mess left him truly blind to just how uncommon it was after being left on his own. Perhaps it takes him by surprise not just to be shown such kindness in a time of war so intense it seems that the very world has reached its end - Not to mention being in the front lines of it, nonetheless - But that the very action serves as a somewhat bittersweet gateway to those memories to those simpler days living with his brothers, as well. For his memories and his upbringing, it was an act of great affection and significance - And regardless of how much of that old life he's left behind, the perception of that intimacy won't so easily leave his mind.

... Another thing, though he wouldn't quite so easily admit to it as the last, is small gestures of psychical touch. Something like a hand or a pat to the shoulder, even if made casually, has a habit of lingering in the soldier's mind for an especially long time. To any outsiders, especially those who know of his upbringing, the answer why is clear enough - Though Lukhege himself had and could never put a finger on it... Even if he allowed himself to acknowledge it, to begin with.

🔴 - What are bigger gestures that are important to your muse Polishing any equipment of his such as weapons or swords, or taking the time to help or complete any chores in his stead takes a lot of work and time, and Lukhege is well aware of this. Typically, favours done for him helps him to feel far more adjusted within his "Family", as he sometimes prefers to call it, and serve as a great alternative to his warming in contrast to any deeper conversations or attempts to "get to know him" that would otherwise count as a great gesture... Chatting about his past, or even generally deeper topics, is a quick turn-down for him. To feel validated and supported in his efforts through those favours, however, to feel as if he truly is being cared for and counted among others, comes nothing short of a great reassurance for him.

🖤 - Can your muse be selfish? If he knows he can get away with it. It isn't necessarily that Lukhege hates being selfless towards others (Whether out of comradery, respect, and an overall agreement with their views or in trying to prove himself or in worser cases, an attempt to get on their better side to avoid any negativity or harm directed his way in the future) as much as it is him simply living off instinct - It is a world where every man must fend for themselves, and having been tasked with the responsibility of his two younger siblings atop his chores as the eldest cared for the dragons, Lukhege fights with each opportunity to take what he can for himself - As long as the eyes of others are off his actions when he does deign to think for himself, that's all he needs. With those outside the Union, such as civilians, however - He doesn't mind acting to serve his own self-interests at all.

✋ - Can your muse be rude or unfriendly? Perhaps some could consider Lukhege's briskness and straightforward attitude uninviting, particularly when in the midst of a task or training, though he's learned well enough not to say anything outwardly demeaning or rude towards his fellow soldiers - While not the brightest or most inviting, Lukhege still follows basic courtesy and small-talk when approached, taking care never to state many disagreements or other such things that can otherwise put him on thin ice. To a majority of civilians, however, while generally just a bit more curt unless otherwise provoked, he's developed a bit of a bad habit of using force or even harming civilians - Or anyone else "below" him, as a soldier of the Union - Simply when he feels like it. While not aware of it himself, it very well may be some internal attempt to take back power for himself after spending so many years, especially as a child, stuck under the Union's thumb - Simply inflicting the pain he had been caused in his past onto others.

[juminsmysticmc]

RFA + V & Saeran with a bad child

I don´t know if you can name this as a bad child but well…. here it is…WARNING! Rape/abuse Content 

Jumin

He was really happy when he knew about your pregnancy 

He decided to do everything right and protect the both of you with all he had 

Fifteen years later Jumin is finished from work and comes home really late 

You already had a second child and are pregnant with your last baby 

You can’t sleep well since you have to look 7/24 after your eldest son, who became a trouble maker 

,,Why don’t you leave it to the security?“ Jumin asked

But every time he would ask you this, you would tell him that you laid them off since they lied and were bribed by your son

One day he hears you screaming with your son while the other son stands crying at the door

He tells Jumin that his big brother is hurting you with his Cigarettes  

As fast as he can he rushes to you and can only see you crying since you are against to slap your son 

,,GIVE MY CIGARETTES BACK, OLD HAG!“

At that moment your Husband slaps his eldest son and take him away. 

,,DON‘T EVER HURT THE WOMAN WHO GAVE YOU YOUR LIFE! If you want to stay in this family you first need to change. OtherwiseI will band you and make your life to a more painful hell as it is now.“

After this the security takes him away in a college for children with problems. 

Your heart is broken but you visit him every second day and he finally understands his position and how much he really loves you 

after three years he‘s finally normal and the best son and big brother 

He protects you and his family and is such a lovable boy

You are happy with your family

Zen

When he found out about your pregnancy he was so happy!

The happiest person ever!

He cried so much on stage since you told him while he had rehearsal 

You pregnancy was normal, he took a lot of pictures. 

His boy was so beautiful! 

More than him…

And so his director wanted also your little boy to be in a movie 

And so he became famous with only three years 

That’s why he was really fast on drugs 

He was the biggest party guy ever 

He often was that high, that he couldn’t distinguish his mother and 

one day, he was already 17, he attacked you with a knife 

Until Zen came and ’saved‘ you

Jumin even gave you some bodyguards so that the media would leave him in peace

Your heart was broken but sometimes, to save the children you need to be in pain…

But he stopped the life in the media and became a normal boy

And you were so proud of you sweet boy

Yoosung

How can a girl become so an a*s with such lovely parents?

You really were perfect as parents 

You bought her everything she wanted but you also looked out for her safety and her schoolworks 

But at the moment she was just too lazy to do homework, she found new friends, went out and skipped school

She never phoned and she was just 15 years old! 

She drank alcoholic drinks and smoked 

She rejected to go to school and made your life to a living hell

One day she didn’t came home for two days and so you wanted to search her 

The whole RFA helped you and so you found her in the forest 

She almost got raped if you didn’t come!

Yoosung lost control and almost killed the boy while you cried with your daughter 

You moved and changed her life 

She got better friends and got rid of her bad habits

Jaehee

You adopted a sweet boy since you two wanted to give someone a home

He was so sweet and really named you mom and mommy. 

But with the time he named you by your real names until one day he screamed because you both were girls 

,,I KNOW THAT YOU OLD HAGS AREN‘T MY REAL PARENTS!“

You were hurt the most. 

You gave him so much love and after 16 years he thanked you this way? 

Since that day he rebelled and rejected the fact, that you were his parents 

He hurt your feelings so much that one day you went away with your car 

Jaehee was so angry at him and slapped him and explained him her own story and how much you loved him 

He understood and was proud of you both and apologized for his rudeness

Saeyoung

He surly took after his uncle….

You couldn’t tell him nothing and he would already scream at you and throw all your things in the apartment 

He was also rebelling at school so that the teacher called you every week

You were at the end with your nerves and wanted to take him to an extra school for ,,bad children“ but he just spitted at you

The security just took him while you cried at the floor and Saeyoung could only comfort you while you thought of yourself as a bad mother 

But you were sure he would understand and twenty years later he was even grateful since he had children on his own!

V

He just took the surgery for his cute daughters. 

You gave birth to two splendid girls who had everything a kid could just wish for 

But since they were little they made you get crazy 

They got bullied and this left a big scar. 

To not be the victim again they started to bully others 

The director called you one day, telling you, that he will make them leave school. 

So they never went to school again what made it even worser for you to help them. 

But soon enough the eldest noticed, that she wanted to live like a normal teenager and so she asked V to take pictures of them so that they could force theirselves to become better

and in the end, they really did it and became beautiful, brave girls who helped other bully victims

Saeran

He was so lovable with his son 

he promised to himself that he would never do something bad to you or your son 

he was so sweet while you were pregnant 

and in the nights he would stand up if you were to sleepy 

soon your son made problems hanging up with wrong people 

he changed so much that you couldn´t distinguish him 

your heart was broken and Saeran had to think about the time, he got friend with Rika

she was surly the wrong person 

they got him to steal and smoke and also to beat up girls!

he also laid a hand on you, what broke your heart but

again, Saeran began to hack to save his son and got the chance to break their organisation 

he was sad for a long time but he soon found new friends and the perfect girlfriend

MASTERLIST 1

[jpn-pcos]

For some this pandemic has made many people very motivated about their Health and well-being and has propelled a lot of people to get healthy and in-shape. My bro is an example of this. He had a health scare back in Thanksgiving of 2019 and since the pandemic started he got himself a home gym and started working his way to the shape that he is now. I can truly say he is in the best shape of his life.

For others, such as myself, this pandemic has really made me realize how utterly helpless and useless I am. If you have been following my blog you would know all about my life struggle. Well, this pandemic just made me see how utterly useless I am. My health hasn’t gotten better. In fact, after taking two dose of the COVID19 vaccine, Each time, I had huge adverse reactions. Having all the negative reactions listed by all and in addition amplifing my own health issues and pains. In particular, my right quadrant abdominal/ovarian/intestinal pains that seems to radiate from the front to the back. These days it seems to include the whole front intestines as well as amplifing my lower back pains. I am starting to be concern that it may not be so simple. I am starting to question whether I have inflamed intestines or worse, tumor or cancer in my intestines or a busted appendix. Would that be possible? Beside my ovarian cyst, what else could be causing me all this torture and pain. How can one cyst cause all this problem? It has to be more to the story. Is there?

Literally in tears 😭 from the pain, lack of sleep, lack of peace... I said to my mom and grandma that I can’t take this torture anymore and that it be better if God lessened my suffering and take my life sooner than later. Upon hearing that, my mom lashed out and said I caused all this suffering on my own because I am stubborn and that I did this to myself starting from my college days to my time living alone in Queens during my internship and beyond. That my lack of sleep and my intense lifestyle over the years caused my own downfall. Could she had been right? Did I cause this to myself. I had suffered my whole life with this. Starting from age 9 until my first diagnosis of PCOS in my early 20s to Now in my late 30s, it seems the problem and pain just keep on escalating to a point of no repair. How do I repair this damage. Mom and gramps thinks I need to change my sleep habits, sleep more at night time and wake up early in day time and exercise more. Lose weight and strengthen myself like my bro did. If it’s only that Easy. In a full month, if I am lucky, I only feel well, truly well ... one week in the four weeks. It’s that bad and sad.

Then my mom and gramps started telling me about their own struggles/pain and their own menstrual struggles during their young adult life. Listening to it, it was like we three were competiting to see whom had the worser life and the worser pain. It seems all three of us had it bad. Three generations of pain and suffering. One generation after the next. It seems they had lived longer than me and endure more than me and from their story, their pain far exceeded mine. Is that possible? I am at the point of pain that I just want God to take me back to heaven now. They told me, they had it worse and even in their struggles they had not prayed for early death. So they looked at me... especially my grandma and said, you are the youngest amongst us and have lived the less, how can you hope for death when you should be hoping for long lasting life. In Chinese she said, men (humans) should pray for life and survival and not for death. Then grandma said, when at the age that she is now (late 80s/early 90s), she has not once pray for death but for continue life. She said life is short and one must walk the road and path and God decides when our time will come. Basically, my mom and grandma is telling me, I have no business hoping for death when I have so much life to live at 37 and it’s up to me to make my health better. To start each day and strengthen my own body. Cause in the end no one can save me except for myself.

They are telling me that I need to look after myself because no one else will. Then mom said, with my health, no man would want to be with me. Who wants that burden. She is right about that and I have long known that. That’s why I never expected anyone to fall in love with me, to want to be with me, nor do I want anyone to bear my burden. It’s my own. Only someone whom truly loves me beyond measure would sacrifice to take care of me and be with me. I don’t think In this world that person exist. Everyone is selfish in their own way. I truly wish someone like that would come along. But I doubt it. Nor do I want nor need to burden anyone else that doesn’t want to be burden.

In short, I will try my best to make myself semi healthy if not fully healthy. My grandma is right, I have no business asking for death. It’s not my time. When it is my time, God will let me know. If you know my story, you would know, many times, it seemed like it was my time as I was in dangerous situations, but God saved me each and every time. I guess it wasn’t my time yet. Maybe I haven’t suffered enough. Maybe I haven’t learned enough. Maybe I haven’t done all that God needed me to do or see. Maybe it’s not my time yet. When it’s my time, I guess I will know. Until then, I guess I need to live, persevere and not give up hope. Not give up on this life that Dima tells me I need to hold onto.

I pray God to give me the courage to face and battle this pain and this suffering. I pray that my angels look after me and soften my burden and pain. I pray that God bring and gives me mercy. I pray that I can become the strong person that everyone thinks that I am. Afterall, I am an empathetic person and as such I can feel others pains and suffering. I can see through others emotions, facades and lies... it’s a gift and a curse, but I can empathize with almost any one and can walk through their shoes.

I just wish, someone out there can empathize with me and Walk a day in my shoes and understand exactly how I feel and provide me some type of comfort. I wish one day, I can get the same feeling from someone, the way I make others feel. This Aura, Dima call it... I wish I can receive it too.

[hearsaykrp]

                Presenting — lee jungmin as the osprey.

— info.

name / lee jungmin birthday / 910508 pronouns / he/him occupation / contractor

— traits.

( temperamental, resentful, jovial, reliable )

temperamental: his emotions are erratic, restless. years of curbing suspicion and judgment have made him a volatile personality. most of the time he can keep it under wraps, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t persist under his kindness or helpful deeds. when things get disturbed, and you bet they do in a town like ilmyo, he’s liable to default to this faulty mechanism. unable to always uphold level-headedness where emotions and hurt are concerned.

resentful: he gets this from his father. stubborn as hell, jungmin struggles to let the simplest mistakes rest. forgiving may be easy, but forgetting is much harder, and as it seems right now, he carries this chip on his shoulder no matter how much he denies it. a part of him, no matter how small, will always cling to this easy method in handling things. to push people and relationships to the fringes over any mistake that seems drastic enough, and most of the time, they are.

jovial: on the surface, his personality attracts an easy company. he’s got light-hearted humor and a laidback stance that makes the stretch of conversation his main forte. it’s not so much a trait of being extraverted as it is in just being comfortable around people. something he couldn’t help when he was hanging around the likes of rook and robin.

reliable: despite the second-best title stamped to his forehead, jungmin remains near his roots in ilmyo. the strain between his parents hasn’t led to him being irrational and selfish. in the end, he knows someone needs to carry the burdens, and he does so willingly. he’s a helpful kind, lending a shoulder or a hand where it’s needed, never falling back on his word. he doesn’t like to let people down, even if it can’t be helped.

— about.

her feelings change with the season. when she yanks his arm, trying to get his attention, it’s cold. she slurs her words as she glares at him. accusatory. there’s no need in trying to be good when the one you were good for is gone.

“why her.” the whisper is harsh. not loud enough, so she repeats herself, near yelling.

when she grips his shoulder and leans into it, the feeling is warm. it engulfs him. the foreignness is disruptive, but he surrenders to it. maybe he’s always needed it.

“maybe she’ll come back,” she sobs. “we can’t lose hope, okay?”

his mother’s silhouette burns against the sun like boats on a tide. lost somewhere between the sea and the dock. no anchor. no end. like hoping for someone to come back when you know they can’t. he doesn’t believe in hope, but he doesn’t disallow it to her either. there’s not much else to hold to.

—

home is the borrowed backdrop of their aunts place and a pact made between two lonely kids that they’ll always stick together. it doesn’t last when she passes the following year and their mother steps back in where she should’ve been all along. home becomes undefined, an isolating feeling of being marginalized to his bedroom, and the distant, accidental brush of stares between two siblings. he watches chaekyung immediately forgive their mother for her decade-long negligence and give up the resentment he’s left to carry alone. trust is something she has a lot to give, and he hates it. hates her along with it.

—

his existence turns into a series of comparisons — a complete rejection of his sister. anything jungmin can do, chaekyung does better: the smarter student, the stronger role-model, the greater child. where she’s obedient, jungmin resists, where she’s patient he’s marred with the lack thereof, and where she’s level-headed, he’s entirely volatile.

“where do you put all that anger?”

he glances at his father and the stern stare he employs. it’s a reflection.

“i don’t know.”

—

seventeen is this: high school’s a blip compiling many of his worser days; a fight that broke out on the lawn near the end of the term with the golden boy; a rumor catching on about the second-best-lee-child syndrome — he thinks chaekyung had a hand in it; and disillusioned parties trying to make him feel more-than in a stuck-up little town that offers much less.

eighteen is picking up bad habits, like drinking and smoking and joining a crowd that gives him a sense of superiority. it’s putting on that jovial act — the whole nine yards until it becomes hard to ignore him — to project his feelings under the persona of a well-meaning, outgoing guy. you’d never suspect him for the insecure man he really is and that’s the idea.

nineteen is discarding family in rebellious teen spirit and publicly lashing out at chaekyung when she tries to interfere. something about him being too reckless and turning into their parents. something about wishing she’d fucking disappear. it’s assuming he’s untouchable with no guilt or remorse in tow and holding a naive disregard for the tendency these things have of coming back.

—

his knuckles tighten in his lap. “i was at a friend’s house that night.” he was in the forest. “with the mayor’s son. he’s a good friend of mine. you can ask him.”

—

their aunt used to say living is a cycle of expecting things to get better and watching them get worse. (it makes sense when you know her sister was an alcoholic and she was stuck raising her two kids.) it’s that idea which decides jungmin’s dismissive nature; always ruled by his emotions first and logic second (why do you hate me so much?) (i don’t.) by the time it catches up to him, it’s too late, and he’s said too much, as always. (you do. i’m your sister, shouldn’t that mean something?) (it means nothing.) it’s half a habit and an equal part a commitment to the role. there’s no sympathy for chaekyung’s struggles nor the patience to hear her out when she tries. just a very clear realization he clings to: some people aren’t worth the effort.

—

there’s little left for him when he’s discharged from his mandatory service save for the responsibilities he owes as a son — and an only child. jungmin’s inheritance is his father’s inheritance: a small family business that passes from son-to-son, and the hands of hard-working men. they’re decorated with callouses, tissue scarring over the wounds of difficult labor.

“all i wanted, was for you and chaekyung to make your own lives.” the conversation startles the comfortable silence they’ve sunk into. his father’s attention pivots to the birds flying overhead as beads of sweat collect on his brow.

“i wish you had done more with yours instead of trying to please me.”

his fingers stiffen. no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never shed her shadow.

—

everything for him starts and ends here.

the latter half of his twenties are divided into two parts. the first is spent in quiet rejection of the reality that stretches before him, and the latter in resignation of its inevitability. it’s thinking he hasn’t become his parents until one day he’s fixing himself another drink and realizes — that’s exactly who he’s become.

all the while, chaekyung becomes a martyr. in a way it’s offensive — the constant need to touch on that topic whenever he’s around, the side-eyed stares when he walks into the bar. they lessen over time, but his impatience remains the same and emotions get the best of him when police start poking at her case again.

“so you don’t care about what happened? huh.” jungmin wants to convince the detective otherwise and blame it on a rough day or a drink too many, but is that all it really is?

it doesn’t make for a good look. he knows that.

[shawndolantho]

New rules (Shawn Mendes imagine)

Authors note: argh guys long time no see, but I’m back with another new imagine. Fanlly I ran away from ‘writers block’. Send me requests or opinions!

Pairing: Y/N x Shawn Mendes

Words: 1509

Note: This imagine is inspired by Dua Lipa’s song “New rules”

Talkin’ in my sleep at night, makin’ myself crazy

When you fall too deep in the hole of feelings - you feel like you’re about explode, thinking every night if you should finally admit your feelings or no, but mostly it makes you go crazy that you start talking to yourself at night out of nowhere. Asking questions to yourself what kind of game you two playing or just mixing another big bomb to break each other more.

And here I am – no different, falling deeper and deeper to my close friend Shawn. When we meet, I always hiding myself under shadow. It became natural habit since the day when we both hooked up without even planning. Our head were filled with alcohol and intense music making our bodies blend together. The heat between us was irresistible, it felt like we both having feelings for each other, hoping that maybe from this accident everything will change in better way. But I fooled myself with hope.

My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, nobody else

But my love, he doesn’t love me, so I tell myself…

Being with Shawn always made me feel like I’m in home, he made me feel like I could do anything to this world. And I never felt like this before and I was too scared. But Shawn showed to me instantly, that we should forget this night and not bring up. Maybe this wasn’t the thing that hurt me the most, but another words made my heart tear up.

“I’m sorry, but I never meant this to happen. I’m not saying that you were bad or anything, I just” he ran his fingers through his brown hair. “I just don’t have any feelings for you and it just doesn’t feel right”

After that day, these words kept playing and playing with my head, making me go crazy again. While these words couldn’t let me live calmly, I made decision to move away from Shawn. It felt like this is the rightest decision that I can make.

One, don’t pick up the phone

Day after day I started more and more to ignore his texts and calls, until one day with all my strength and broke heart I wrote him ‘I don’t wanna see you or even hear from you, Shawn. I can’t handle myself under the shadow anymore, but stay focused on what you love, I never wanted nor I want something bad to you.” After that message, he still wrote me asking me why I act like this or if this was his fault. But the answer was right in front of his eyes. I didn’t answer, so he started to call me.

You know he’s only calling ‘cause he’s drunk and alone

With each day, it got worser, than I thought it would. From the heart break and endless calls from Shawn, I started to look like a mess. Even more questions filled my head – is this what love is for? To make you feel like a mess? I was feeling alone, but so did Shawn. Few friends told me that he started to drink too much and he was always alone somewhere. They said that he would even ask weird questions loudly without even noticing it. I couldn’t believe it was me who wrecked him or should I say – we both wrecked each other to pieces. But I tried to convince myself that he was the only one who did that, because there wasn’t any similar feeling towards each other. He never loved, he never loved in different way.

Two, don’t let him in

After one month, he started to come at my door, knocking and leaving letters. I always wanted to throw them away or even burn it, but I never did. I was too weak to do this, so I put them all in little box.

It was so hard to not let him in, seeing everytime his tired figure, from doors little hole, made me irresistible. I would always catch myself unlocking door, but I would pull myself together. Everytime few deep sighs would leave my mouth, while I tried to calm down myself.

But one time I miserably failed.

It was casual Sundays evening, making myself comfortable on the couch. But suddenly I heard knock on the door, thinking that it was my friend who said she would come at my place to have a sleepover. I slowly stood up from the couch and made my way to the door. Since Shawn didn’t come anymore whole week, I didn’t even bother to see if it’s him. But when I opened door I saw masculine figure standing in front of me with another letter.

I looked up and it was him. His damned brown eyes, his damned face who once was my favorite dream, but now it became my worst nightmare. He flashed at me small smiles and looked down at the ground. While I was standing completely frozen, feeling eyes water again.

“After all this time, you finally opened door for me” he tried to joke, but it didn’t work for me. “Could I come in? We haven’t made things clear between us”

“There is nothing we should talk about, Shawn” I felt sadness transforming to angriness again.

But Shawn just sighed and walked past through me, like he would when everything was more than fine between us. I closed the door and went to the living room, where I found him leaned on couches backrest, looking around the room until he realized that I’m already here in the room.

“You never told me why you left me” He looked me straight in the eyes.” But I figured out by myself and I want you to listen to me.”

“Listen to you? I’m not sure if I can even do that” If he would say anything hurtful for me, I wasn’t prepared for another heart break.

“Please listen to me and if you won’t like what I said you can forget me, I’ll be gone” You definitely could see begging in his eyes, but I couldn’t say anything it felt like something was stuck in my throat and I couldn’t talk. “I felt like everything was tearing down after we hooked up, because I’m sure that we both could feel intense atmosphere between us. And I know that It was my fault, I shouldn’t have said it. I was afraid of losing someone so important to me. I didn’t noticed hints from you and I’m sorry. But the truth is that I was sure about my feelings, when you left. You throw at me challenge who wrecked me more than you can think.” I saw his face expression changing and his voice cracks became stronger. Few tears rolled down my face, but after them the tears become unstoppable. I felt warm fingers whipping of my tears, I looked up at him and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry” I heard soft voice.

“I don’t want to be with you, if you’re just saying this to make me feel better. There is nothing more horrible than to love person who doesn’t love you, while you’re giving all yourself.”

“If I would say this just to make you feel better, I would’ve gave up after one week. Give me a chance, give me a chance to make you feel my feelings for you” He pressed my body to his. Without even feeling I pressed my head to his chest and wrapped my hands around his torso.

“I’ll give you a chance, but I don’t want you to feel any pressure” I sighed.

“There is no such a thing as pressure, when I’m with you, I’ll make up to you, just give me some time” His warm hands cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine, making me smile again. When I felt his perfume, it warmed my heart. I was finally again in home, which piece by piece made myself feel better.

Suddenly I felt warm breath against my lips, making me lean forward.

“Are you sure? I know you need some time too, Y/N” He said, circling little circles on my back. I thought about the kiss twice and asked myself if I really want to do this. But I knew that I wanted this for too long that I could resist, maybe I will break my new rules, but my lips are craving for him and I can’t stop myself. So I just nodded to him and he leaned into me. It felt like that night – when our lips blended so well together and bodies were craving for each other touch. Suddenly he deepened kiss making my hands come up to his neck.

After our kiss broke he looked at me again, making sure that I didn’t regret this. I just smiled at him softly and pecked his lips once more.

“I promise, I’ll treat you better, Y/N” Shawn said pulling me into tight hug.

“I know, everything is in the past right now.”

[gunnerpalace]

Thanks for being kind to my wallet man. Anyways, I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway by saying "you Ichirukis". I just came by your blog and you seem to be a pretty knowledgeable dude and thus I asked you a question. Hostile little shit? Really? I'm being called a godamn hopeless imbecile here. Maybe you've just read my msg in a different tone as there is an absence of non-verbal communication here. I didn't say anything about you owing me shit man, you just interpreted that way.

And when you are referring to normal people, there tends to be cross cultural differences sometimes. So whatever you consider as being a normal person might not be the same for somebody else. In your terms I sound and act like a hostile IH so I’m not considered a normal person right? I wasn’t paying too much attention to the Bleach media from start to finish so I don’t know all the nitty gritty details such as sales and such. But yeah you’re right. If you don’t want explain you don’t have to.

Oh my god, an apology. Well, now I’ve seen everything.

Alright, look. I’m having a bit of an experience at the moment, perhaps most accurately summarized by Jules from Pulp Fiction going “The truth is…you’re the weak, and I am the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.” So I’m going to accept your apology, and take it for granted that you didn’t mean to come across nearly as condescendingly as you did. 

Given that, I too will apologize for my behavior. When I see aggression, I get aggressive. It’s just habit. Trigger-happy IFF. So, I’m sorry for insulting you with gratuitous ad hominem. Let me advise that you consider your tone more carefully in the future.

With that said, let me attempt to answer your original question sincerely in a compact fashion without writing a goddamn thesis, because I still don’t want to put in the time to do that. Bleach had exactly three things going for it:

The uniqueness of the IchiRuki relationship and their individual characters. Ichigo and Rukia are unique because they are somewhere between being deuteragonists and Rukia being a supporting protagonist. I would say that she is a “hidden deuteragonist,” in that her influence is constantly felt, even when she isn’t present. Ichigo is not a normal shounen protagonist, like Gintoki, Luffy, Naruto, Goku, or Kenshiro. He doesn’t have a vision or a goal, and he’s a terrible tsundere. Rukia, however, does. Rukia sets Ichigo on his way and enables him to do what he does, and she repeatedly keeps him in check when he flounders. She is what enables him to function. He is what enables her to influence things. They are two parts of a whole, and neither is operational or very effective without the other. This “split soul” phenomenon is unique to them, was a hallmark of the early manga, and echoed on throughout. Although its promise was by no means always lived up to, it was there, and it’s a major part of why IR is a thing.

Character design in general. I’ll give Kubo this: he’s usually good at fashion and drafting relatively memorable characters. (Even if he starts to recycle faces after awhile; it’s not like Dragon Ball/Z/GT/etc., One Piece, and so on don’t.) They tend to have unique designs, if not wholly unique or fleshed out personalities. He’s very good at creating the illusion of depth using them. Over the run of the series, pretty much everyone was able to find a character they liked, if not several.

Mystery. A lot of the shit that happens in Bleach is unexplained, or was kicked down the road for as long as possible before being explained. A lot of it was never explained, stuff like “What was Yoruichi’s bankai? / What was her zanpakutou? / Why can she turn into a cat?” “Who were the other two Great Noble Houses?” “What was the deal with the Soul King?” “How did Soul Society really get started?” “What was up with Komamura?” “What was up with Don Kanonji?” “What was up with Ururu and Jinta?” The list goes on and on. Mystery is alluring, as the writers of Lost quickly figured out.

You will notice what I didn’t mention: fighting, worldbuilding, and plot. So let’s go over those quickly.

Fighting: Bleach’s fights suck. Someone dramatically teleports behind someone else leading to a shocked expression. Someone slices someone else’s arm off. Whoever reveals how their powers work first loses. Everybody gets new, “hiddener, worser” powers. It wasn’t so bad through the Soul Society arc because it was still fresh, but the more power-creep set in, the worse it got. Bleach doesn’t use powers in interesting ways like One Piece or JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. It doesn’t handle a constant ramping up of the stakes as well as Dragon Ball/etc. It doesn’t have the technical interest of Naruto. It’s extremely boring and repetitive. As a battle manga, it’s shit.

Worldbuilding: Bleach’s worldbuilding is a shadow puppet show. It’s literally Plato’s Allegory of the Cave: the illusion of depth and meaning which you only process as such because nothing calls it into question. This isn’t to say Kubo didn’t plan some things (I would say that the theological essence of Soul Society and its cycle of reincarnation makes more sense than most organized religions, since it answers a lot of basic questions like “Where do new souls come from?”) but there were many things he simply couldn’t be bothered with.

Plot: It’s rather apparent, and has been for a number of years, that Kubo reshuffled the plot on the way to the conclusion of the Soul Society arc. That said, the plot was still good up until then. The Arrancar arc was serviceable, Hueco Mundo was bad, and things went downhill from there. The reappearance of the Quincy in Thousand-Year Blood War was a massive retcon and plot hole that makes no real sense.

Now here’s the thing. The Mystery aspect of Bleach was bound up in the Plot and Worldbuilding. The more the latter two fell apart, the more the former became threadbare and could be clearly seen as an effort to string readers along. So much of Bleach’s “promise” turned out to be a polar bear on a tropical island.

The Character design also became wrapped up in Worldbuilding and Fighting, as characters often had no other means to advance, grow, or define themselves, and were relegated to bit parts other than to turn up every two years in some insignificant tussle. The continuing cast bloat only made this worse, as did the dramatically skewed nature of fan favorites.

What didn’t change was IchiRuki. I would argue it didn’t advance as it should have, and rather more objectively, every effort was made to push them into the background in favor of the other five elements, but they were at least consistent throughout, which is why so many people looked forward to their interactions, no matter how fleeting. It was solid all the way up until the final 5 or so chapters, once Kubo had clearly decided to implement his subversive “ending” (what with Tsukishima taking Rukia’s primary role, and so on).

Anybody who wasn’t around for that reason was holding onto vain hope about the Mystery, because of sunk cost fallacy, or were just trying to support their favorite characters or other ships. That’s the god’s honest truth. Bleach’s numbers started to tank after Soul Society and were abysmal by the time of Lost Substitute Shinigami. The sudden end of Bleach was Shueisha finally pulling the plug and disconnecting life support.

Now, you can say that nothing I’ve said here is proof, and that would be true, this is all summary. The proof is out there though (although I cannot be bothered to assemble it all for you), and I think any honest reader would admit the truth of my analysis even without it.

tl;dr IchiRuki is the only consistent positive of Bleach, which is otherwise a subpar fashion manga which never deserved to be counted among the big three on any other merits.

[thoughtfulmindings]

rant: ugh

Okay, so I haven’t really written a post describing my law school experience yet. To be honest, I’m not really sure why as there’s a multitude of reasons. Some of them being: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to document my law school experience solely in a hand-written diary or on tumblr or in both mediums, I assumed that writing a post would mean that I’d be wasting valuably study time, and finally, I just felt that I could possibly jinx myself by writing about it on tumblr. I know the last reason isn’t very logical, but it was what it was. Anyways, so I finished my first semester back in December and now I’m in my second semester. At this point, although I still do share many of the same reasons listed above, I’m going to write down a post on my feelings on law school anyway. I just really feel the need to write and just solely hand-writing my feelings isn’t working for me right now. So let’s begin. 

1. I’m not really sure how I feel about law school or becoming a lawyer anymore. The longer I stay in law school, the more I miss my gap year. I miss making money. I miss knowing what was expected of me. I miss being able to know exactly what to do. I miss freely asking questions without feeling dumb or annoying. I miss being confident about my work. I miss just feeling content.

2. Actually, maybe content might be the wrong word. I am sort of content. I have a really great group of friends. Which is actually surprising. I mean, I had figured that I’d make friends, but I hadn’t figured how close my friendships would end up being or how much I would enjoy the company of my friends. They’re all great people. But they’re not the only great people either. My other classmates are fantastic people too. I feel so happy whenever I think of all the fantastic people I’ve met. 

3. But that’s kind of the only good thing about law school; the only silver lining I guess you could say. I’m not a fan of everything else. And actually, if I’m being honest, sometimes my friends contribute to this feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction I have too. It’s not like they actively do anything to make me feel this way -- it’s really just me being self aware and my insecurities creeping out. All the people I’ve met are just so wonderfully talented and smart and fantastic. I adore them. But I’m also low-key jealous of them. I wish I could be half as talented and smart. 

4. I mean, I know I’m not entirely stupid, but I’m definitely average. However, due to my own self-destructive nature, procrastination, and lack of motivation and passion, I come across as below-average rather than the average I am. I consistently perform worser than them on papers and exams and I know it’s because I don’t put in half the amount of effort they do. It frustrates me so much to see how careless and little effort I put into my studying. I barely brief cases well enough, rarely figure out the right ratios, and never really manage to stay on-top of all my readings/ assignments. 

5. Actually, the assignments issue is the worst. I have literally been doing all my assignments last minute. Like, I don’t even know why. I read the cases and then let the assignment sit for a week. And then I begin the assignment literally a day or two before its due. And then when I hand it in, I feel unhappy with the work I’m submitting because I know it could be better. But then even though I have this knowledge, I don’t use it. I still consistently do assignments last minute. And my profs know this too! I get super horrible marks whenever it comes to any sort of take-home written work. 

6. And it’s even more frustrating because this was not how I was in university. I have always been on top of writing papers. My entire degree was me writing papers. But now, I can’t even do that! It’s so fucking ridiculous, it pisses me off and makes me hate myself. Like even in undergrad, when I had 3 papers in a week due, I would almost ALWAYS have the first two papers researched and planned out in advance. And the research would be legit research from a number or sources and compiled through tons of close reading of texts. So when it came to writing, I would be good. 

7. But for some reason, I’m not doing this at law school and I don’t understand why! Forget about planning and researching the papers earlier, I don’t even do a close reading of any of the texts! I literally just skim and then find quotes to support my ideas -- which is fucking insane! You’re NOT supposed to write papers like that. That’s bad paper writing. You’re supposed to research in depth and then use the sources to back up your ideas -- not the other way around! And yet, I can’t stop doing this! Can’t stop doing shit the wrong way, even while knowing it’s wrong! And it makes me furious! 

8. This was especially evidential in my most recent factum assignment. Like I read some other ones and they were so much better than mine! Their case quotes were so thorough and great and well thought out. Whereas mine were shallow and didn’t even relate! And I knew this too! But even then I was too lazy to change it! I procrastinated writing my paper too so I didn’t even have time to edit/ rewrite it a better way! And it’s infuriating! I’m paying for this shit and not even doing it properly! 

9. Which makes me introspect my behaviour. And I think the reason I’m acting this way, is because I’m over law school. I don’t think I want to do it. I’ve been saying this to others in a joking manner, but I don’t think I’m joking. I just literally don’t want to do law school. I don’t like doing the readings. I don’t like going to class. I don’t like discussing the cases. I don’t like taking notes. And I sure as hell don’t like writing papers. I honestly hate ALL of it. 

10. And it’s frustrating because it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I wasn’t supposed to hate it. I was supposed to love it. I worked so hard for this. I said this was my dream for years. I fought for it. And now that I’m here, I can’t stand it. Just thinking of the fact of going to school, doing my readings, and all of my assignments makes me annoyed. But that’s wrong! I’m supposed to be happy and excited to do this! 

11. I mean, truth be told, I was always a little iffy about law school. Somewhere in university, I lost my ambitious edge. I didn’t care about having the best career or making the most money or even contributing to society in a big way. I just wanted to live life happily, freely, and with the people I loved. If I could make an impact in their lives, I was happy. I didn’t need anything more. But my parents really really really wanted law school. So I figured why not. 

12. Plus when I took that constitutional cases seminar in my fourth year of university, I was genuinely excited. I read almost every single case and took super detailed notes. I was into it. So I figured I’d be into law school too. The class was all about reading cases and their effect. Which is basically law school. And yet, I don’t feel the same way about it. I literally dread doing my case readings. Which is horrible because law school is literally all case readings. 

13. I just really miss political science weirdly enough. I mean, I tried my hand in the political sphere and found that I wasn’t a fan of that environment. But I still miss formally studying it so much. I have two classes that I’m low-key really interested in: Charter and Transnational Law. And the only reason I like them, especially the latter, is because of their relation to political science. But like I said, this doesn’t make sense because I wasn’t made for the political scene. 

14. I don’t know man. I just feel so demoralized and over it all. And the worst part is, I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. The older I get, the less confident I get and the more confused I am about who I am. What are my defining characteristics? What is my personality? Do I even have any skills? 

15. And law school just brings these questions to the fore-front even more. I have no idea what I’m doing here. I feel like I’m blindly just trying to float. And I’m looking to other people to see what they are doing. But then looking at them stresses me out even more because everyone seems so focused. Everyone is applying to jobs, reading and briefing each case significantly and performing admirable. And in comparison, I’m literal shit, the lowest of the low.  

16. That’s why they actually tell you -- when you enter law school, to stay in your own lane. To only look to what you’re doing. But it’s so hard because I don’t know what I’m doing. Like I said, I’m literally blindly trying to float. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know how to swim. I don’t know when it’ll end, or even if it will end. I just feel so lost. 

17. And that’s when I begin thinking that maybe I should change some of my study habits. Maybe getting better grades would make me feel better and not so lost anymore. So maybe study more at school. Maybe study less on my bed. Maybe try to study on a desk. Maybe try to break the study routine I’ve gotten used to while being in school. 

18. But that itself brings up feelings of panic. I have had a set way of studying for years. I’ve literally always studied by myself, on my bed, without any prodding or influence from anyone else. The last time I changed up my habits was for my first ever LSAT and the first semester of my fourth year of undergrad. I actually studied at school more, used tables/ desks instead of my bed. And the results were less than optimal. Got a much lesser LSAT score than expected and lowered my GPA too. 

19. So I’m afraid that if I change my ways, the same thing that happened last time will happen here. I’ll have lowered my already low GPA. I’ll do worser than expected and screw over my future chances at getting a job or being a successful lawyer. 

20. The upcoming exams I have in April are the last resort. They’re potentially worth 100%. So if I mess up on them, there is no going back. These exams are what employers look at. So my fears aren’t just irrational anymore, they’re legitimate. Changing up my routine might backfire on me again like it did last time. 

21. But then I think about the fact that there were other factors involved when I changed my routine last time. I was going from classes three times a week to classes five times a week. I was going from having four classes a week with no other big commitments, to taking on the huge responsibility of studying for the LSAT. I was also more involved in my community as I was part of an exec so I had less time too. So maybe it wasn’t just the fact that I changed my routine that made me receive those low results. Maybe it was a combination of that and other factors. 

22. But then again, I did have a significant change in GPA in the first and second semester of my fourth year. I reverted back to my old study habits and my GPA went up almost 6%. But then again, in second semester, I also didn’t have the added pressure of the LSAT, aside from the first month of second semester. I also only had classes twice a week, giving me three days off. So maybe it wasn’t just my old study habits that contributed to this? But also the change in other factors? 

23. But maybe this is just me ignoring reality and trying to convince myself of lies like I often do. Maybe it wasn’t the other factors and maybe it just was the change in study habits. So then maybe I shouldn’t change my study habits. Maybe I should stick with what I know and what I did in first semester of law school. 

24. Honestly, even just thinking along this line makes me so angry. I should’ve been thinking these things in my first semester of law school. Everyone told me that if there was a time to experiment with study habits, it was in the first semester of law school as it didn’t completely count for marks. But nope, I didn’t do that and instead stubbornly stuck to my old habits and ignored the advice. 

25. This is exactly what I mean when I say I’m self-destructive. I constantly shoot myself in the foot. All of my problems are caused by me -- literally 99% ARE. I’m behind on some readings because I was lazy to do them on time. I’m behind on some assignments because I just didn’t do them until it was too late. I’m getting bad marks because I don’t put enough effort. Literally, it’s all ME. I’m the cause for my own misery and I hate myself for it. 

26. And this is all because of law school. Because I sure as hell didn’t hate myself as much as I do right now during my gap year. Sure I felt quite horrible when I didn’t have a job, but when I did have one, I felt good. I knew what I was doing (sometimes). I knew I had some skills and that I was appreciated. I knew that I would get a reward for my efforts -- my salary. I knew what to expect (most of the time). But I don’t have ANY of that here. I literally have nothing except self-loathing. 

[etnanotvshows]

❤ Veronica Mars ❤ Big Binge(Re)watching on one of my favourite series. ❤ It's summer, in this moment of the year usually the empty tv schedules lets me some holes in my (limited) free time and so i decided to do something that was rolling in my mind for quite a while now: rewatching veronica mars conpletely. This serie is one of my favest ever and i rewatched it a lot of times through the years but since the movie came out i never rewatched the whole thing all together. When i went to watch the movie at its release date it had been quite a while since i last saw veronica mars and so i'm sure i missed a couple of references here and there. Now i wanted to catch 'em all. XD With that said, after a few weeks spent on rewatching this pearl of a serie i have a couple of thoughts and question marks i have to note down. As a refresh of memory season three left us with many questions: - Veronica was with Piz at the end of the serie but when Logan beat up the ass of the scumbag that released her "sex tape" out in the open she smiled at him like a thanks (or something that could be seen as more for the LoVe fans) so we do not get to clearly see who she ends up with. - The Sheriff election: with Don Lamb now dead Keith was temporarily filling the place but only an election could make him permanent. However at the last minute his investigator and rival Vinny Van Lowe joined the "race" and emerged as his counter part in the fight for the job of the sheriff of Neptune. Since Vinny has been cooperating with the criminal family Fitzpatrick during all season 3, and was also plenty supported by them during elections, it was going to be a hard fight for Keith to win; however we do not get to see who the winner is, we are only left at the final scene of the last episode with Veronica voting for her dad. - Veronica's "stage" for the FBI is plenty mentioned during the serie, although when she misunderstands her Criminology Professor's intentions she makes a stepback in the will to join this stage but after that, when all is cleared, she still shows greatly interest for this opportunity. We are left with her happy about the acception from the FBI for her internship in virginia and Piz's face not exactly excited. - Wallace was joining the summer program of the group helping the child-soldiers in Uganda in the 18th episode of s3. - Mac left animalist Bronson (whyyyyyy?????) for helper-cheating-in-exams Max but in her last scenes wasn't too happy of Max's total lack of interest in college since his extra curricular activity was more than good for his wallet. And that's about it.. Probably some other minor stuff but that's what strikes out my attention the most. So here we go, beware for anyone that didnt see the movie yet from here on there are SPOILERS. Now we go to the 2014 movie of Veronica Mars. Set around 10 years after s3: - Veronica's lovestories have a hole from "9 years ago" to "1 year ago". The movie starts off having her together with Piz but it's been mentioned by Piz that they have not been together for these past 10 years. Veronica and Piz are back together only since 1 year and he mentions they had a relationship in college (that we know in fact) 9 years ago, but that's it. Logan also is surprised to find out that she is currently with Piz, but anyways they didn't stay in contact with eachother for these past years. - The current sheriff of Neptune turns out to be another Lamb, Don's brother, however more corrupted and less "capable" than the Lamb we know of. (wtf a brand new brother pulled out of a magic hat) A question mark remains: who won, years before, the election? Keith or Vincent? Nothing has been clearly stated about this in the movie; however when Veronica refreshes the viewers' memory with a brief description of the characters, at the moment to introduce Vinny she just says "private eye" and nothing else. She could have added "former sheriff" or any of her classic subtle comments to let us know his incapability to do the Sheriff but she did not. This leads me to think that Vinny didn't win the election. Just speculatively speaking, Keith could have won and stayed in her Sheriff job for the 5 (? Correct me here, im just guessing) years as the rules/laws say, so i can suppose that Neptune got worser after Keith's sheriff career finished. Right now he's returned to his private eye job with newer and technologic spy stuff. He is still mentioned as "former Sherif" by random characters but it's not specified the period of time they refer to (if when the Lilly Kane's murder occurred or if it was years later post elections). - The famous FBI internship.. Was blandly forgotten in the movie. Back then, after s3 finished, the staff produced a teaser trailer known as 4×00 where Veronica was FBI (letting us assume that the internship went well and that, possibly, after college she became an FBI agent, giving a pretty decent idea of what season 4 would have been about. Sadly as we all know, that never happened due to low ratings), but as of now, in the current storyline of the movie that important opportunity, that was also overly stressed in s3, was like never happened. What's more is that when we get to see our sweet former cop-agent Leo D'Amato he asks Veronica about the famous FBI thing but she says something like "you have heard wrong" or something. It's officially never happened. Moreover, according to Veronica's inner monologues she has left her investigative career (which we could guess it includes the possibility of the FBI internship) because -and here a brand new line of stortytelling starts- it was too addictive to her like drougs are with toxic-addicteds or like alchool is for alcholists. I have to say: this complete "take over" of the serie's main soul transformed into "something bad" it disappointed me. Now we get to see an apparently changed Veronica who has totallt left the private eye career and is now facing the chance of a Lawyer career. Wow. That is some change. Isnt it? Im not disappointed in the idea of change of interests for our protagonist, im disappointed instead in the "change of personality" the movie gave her and in the "exorcising" process of her private eye experience which was like her whole world. Her being. On a side note we get to see someone else changed: Logan is in the military now, aviation if i must guess. - Wallace's experience in Uganda: never spoken of. Well not that we can demand that 10 years later they are still talking of what they did so much time before, but even a super small slight mention wouldn't have hurt anyone. Well, let's talk abou Wallace a bit more: he was an extremely talented athlete and his dream was to become an engeneer. He wasn't super smart at was having some difficulties in his engeneer class but he was trying hard and it seemed he was achieving enough results to pass the class but who knows what happened. In this department as well nothing has been said anymore. For what regards his athlete talents it looks instead that he didnt pursue a professional athlete career but remained in the "same field" acting as a coach now, completely different from what fans might have expected. - Mac. She is always been a nice character, now we see her adult version working for Kane industries, a short cut of hair and woth no mentionable-worthing love stories currently. She is alone, i was sorry to see her with no one (well Wallace also is still single), of course no comments about her previous boyfriend/s be it Bronson or Max here either. Now to a new point to discuss that arised: - Weevil. Personally i always loved his character, probably almost as much as i love Logan. Thankfully they didnt make his character going out of the stage with the arrival of Herst college in s3, and since his arrest at the end of s2, made a sensed storyline that he strived to find a job that hired former inmates therefor he was hired as the janitor in Herst college to wisely keep him in the cast. Back in s3 he was interviewed in criminology class and confessed that it was hard for him not to go back to his old bad habits but that he was also trying hard to pursue the right path. Now in the movie he is surprisingly changed a lot: he is married with a beautiful wife which he visibly loves, in addition he has a lovely daughter whom he adores. He has a proper job now, he has his own car workshop. He dresses with normal clothes and is 100% legit. Doesn't touch a bike since 5 or so years (which is when his daughter was born). I loved how he changed. However he can still be a badass if needed (see when he joins Logan in the fight to protect Veronica's honor at the high school reunion) and also brave and selfless (see when he helps that car assaulted by the new generation of PCH bikers band). However that is exactly where i want to go: the scene where he helps the "poor person" in the car (which we later find out was the damn Celeste Kane). In her panic the stupid rich woman shoots at Weevil who was just going to help her and not only she hurts him but she also doesn't say anything when the Sheriff fabricates evidence and place a gun in Weevil's hand. The thing goes on and he's at the hospital and has to face assault accusation and the Kane bitch still doesnt say anything. Now. I don't know if it was just the damn Sheriff's fault (but i don't think she would get easily intimidated by him, since she is way more powerful than him) or if it was her idea to blame Weevil just to avoid any news of her shooting at her helper, but still what the hell man. What the hell. Concerning Weevil's case, later we see Keith in car with agent Sax that was willing to testify about the illegal behaviour of the sheriff and his men but he get murdered with a planned car incident. So we have no evidence to help Weevil's case. Keeping on with this his storyline we jump ahead to the end of the movie: we see him at Keith's office and they say he is still not out of the woods. Damn! The video esposing Sheriff's illegal behaviour of willing to pursue Logan as murderer just because he didn't care, didn't proof his illegal corrupted behaviour as well regarding the arrest of innocent people falsily accused like Weevil. So that video didn't proof Weevil's innocence and his charges are still on. I was hoping for the movie to solve that part of the story too but they just did not. They left it there. C'mon! This thing pissed me off. Poor Weevil, he deserves more love! He has a family now, he cant face false charges.