#have some actual content from beth

[enwoso]

Lovies first football game and she spends half of the time sat on the floor picking flowers until less and the girls who came to support are calling over to tell her to get up and play the match

PRETTY CHAIN — alessia russo x child!reader

HEY EVERYONE! i’ve missed you all! i’ve been a bit mia this past week but i’ve been preparing for worlds in the next couple months so i’ve basically been living at the gym… but i’m hoping i’ll be back in the groove🙃

grumpy masterlist

today was a special day, it was your first football match. all week you had been telling people about your match, invited everyone you told to come and watch you.

alessia was a little nervous as she didn't know how you were going to react in an environment that was so fast pace but seeing you in your little training sessions you seemed to cope well and it was always a plus that you actually enjoyed it. but still alessia was still stressing.

"and lovie, remember to just have fun! winning isn’t everything" your mummy finished her little pep talk just as it was time for you to start. your mummy tying your boots up and pulling your socks up for you as you nodded a big smile on your face.

"where-" you began to ask but your mummy but you off knowing exactly what you were going to say. "the girls are on the way don't worry, and auntie ella will see all of the game cause i'm going to video it" your mummy told you as you nodded getting the answer you wanted.

getting a little worried that all the people you had asked to come were not coming, considering only your mum was stood on the sideline. ella was the only one that you knew definitely wasn't coming as she herself was playing her own match with man united.

"look it's starting, good luck lovie!" your mummy pointed to where your team was lining to play as she quickly pressed a kiss to your forehead before you ran off to your teammates, ready to start playing.

the whistle went and the first half was underway, and to begin with you were running up and down the small pitch but soon lost interest and just stood around watching the rest of your team play.

it got to a point where your team is behind by one and you were sat on the pitch picking the daisies out the grass. "why is she sitting on the floor? is she injured?" beth asked a hint of worry in her voice.

a sigh coming from alessia as she turned to look at the blonde who was first of the arsenal girls to get there, the other few that could make it following in behind her.

alessia shaking her head at beth's question,"no she's picking the daisy's out the grass" a small chuckle came from the two at how it was just typical that this was your first match and that's what you spent the half doing.

"where's the little superstar?" leah cheered as she walked in with lotte, kyra and steph. the four scanning the pitch before finding you sat in the top corner still picking little flowers out of the grass.

"is she-"

"yep she's making daisy chains" alessia smiled slightly as a knowing hum came from the four.

"well we need to do something! when's half time! she's needs a pep talk" leah rambled out fast, her competitive side coming out as the four looked at the blonde with a slight strange look.

"le, she's only five-"

"half time is in three minutes" alessia cut steph off as she pointed to the industrial clock that was standing at the side of the pitch where your coach was. alessia thinking maybe you did need some sort of team talk at half time and maybe winning was everything…

the next three minutes dragging as you sat pretty contently in the same place, picking the little white flowers from the grass as you joined them together to make a chain. you totally oblivious to what was happening down the field, you not having much interest in it.

the whistle was what brung you out of your own little trance as you heard your coach calling out for you to get up off the pitch.

you just shrugging before rushing over to your mummy with your daisy chain in your hand, your small body filing with excitement at how long your daisy chain.

“look! mummy! my chain!” you grinned holding up the daisy chain in you hand so your mummy could see it as she took it out your hand, a small smile on her face as the others looked on in slight amusement that you currently had no interest in playing football.

“it’s lovely and a very pretty chain,, but lovie your supposed to be playing football… not sitting on the floor-“ alessia tried slowly the last part of her sentence coming out as a hushed whisper as your looked on in confusion.

“but- i wanted to make pretty chains” you pouted as you bottom lip wobbled slightly. a sigh coming from alessia as she quickly tried to rack her head around how she was going to motivate you into playing football.

alessia looking around at her friends for a little help, leah crouching down to your height as she whispered a few things into your ear. the others your mummy included not having a clue what was being told to you.

but whatever it was something seemed to click, as you managed to actually play football. you even managed to poke a ball into the goal, running around your teammates with your arms out. just like your mummy did when she scored.

alessia in pure disbelief as she poked a look towards leah wondering what on earth had been whispered into your little ear. alessia screaming maybe a little too loud as she jumped up when you managed to score. her heart filling just that little bit more with warmth watching you.

the full time whistle came your team winner just 2 and you ran straight into your mummy’s arms, “mummy! did you see- see my goal!” you rushed out, so much excitement filling you - just like before with your daisy chain - so much so you could hardly form a sentence.

“lovie it was awesome, i’m so proud of you!” your mummy grinned, kissing your forehead as you light giggles left your lips. before you squirmed your way down as the girls who came to watch shared there congratulations.

“next top england goal scorer!” beth quipped with a smile as she ruffled your hair you shouting the blonde a look for ruffling your hair.

“and arsenal! isn’t that right tiny!” steph said as you nodded before pelting out your own version of north london forever at the top of your lungs, kyra joining in as the small group started to make their way off the field and towards the car park.

the group filled with laughed at your and kyra’s singing, before it turned into a game of tag down the field.

leah and alessia were walking at the back of the group, on the way back to the car park, you in front as you circled around steph and beth as kyra now chased you around the car park. your loud giggles filling the space as you ran around. the girls slightly wondering how you still had so much energy after running around on a pitch.

"so what did you promise her?" alessia asked with a quirk of her eyebrow knowing something must have been promised in order for you to play as well as you did in the second part of your mini game.

leah stood leaned against her car which was parked next to alessia's, a small smirk on her face, "just that i would get her hamster!"

"oh for god sake! LEAH!"

[ashtheketchum]

● Bad girl ●

Daryl Dixon X FEM.Reader

Era: Season 2, farm

Summary: Daryl had been badly injured while searching for Sophia and your daddy had ordered Daryl to stay overnight in your house. The archer had his own room with a bed and you took care of his wounds. But one time you had sneaked a peek into his room while he was jerking off and he caught you.

Warnings: +18 CONTENT, FEMALE Reader, spanking, fingering, AGE GAP (Daryl is in his late 30s, Reader is 20 years old), teasing, perv Daryl, masturbate, Reader watches Daryl masturbating

Words: 2.5k

Masterlist!

___________________________________

PoV (Y/N):

The world was ending and, as my daddy would call it, "sick" people were running around. But suddenly a group of survivors came to us and they brought an injured boy to us. Apparently Otis had shot him and another girl was missing. My daddy took care of the injured boy and meanwhile the survivors were allowed to live with us in the front yard. They were not allowed to enter our house except for Rick and Lori, the parents of the injured boy.

I was the middle daughter of the Greenes. Maggie was my older sister and Beth was my younger sister, but I still wasn't allowed to do much with the survivors. It kind of annoyed me, but I could understand my daddy, after all we didn't know these survivors. But one survivor seemed very interesting to me. I think his name was Daryl, but I didn't see him very often. He looked for the missing little girl every day and only came back late at night. Inside, I already gave up hope of getting to know him better, but one day I got my chance.

One day Daryl came back badly wounded and he had also been shot by Andrea. Apparently he had also received one of his arrows in his side. My daddy took care of his wounds and now he had to lie in our guest room. While my daddy took care of his wounds, I brought him food and towels to wash himself with.

But while I was with him, I hardly spoke to him. I came in with a "Hello" and left with a "Ask if you need anything.". But not because I was afraid or because I didn't want to talk to him, I just didn't dare. Even though he sometimes looked at me with a non-grumpy expression on his face, I didn't dare say more. But it didn't seem to bother him, he actually seemed to enjoy the peace and quiet. But I really wanted to talk to him.

But today I wanted to do it differently. I had some food in my hands for Daryl and I was about to knock on his door when I suddenly heard a soft moan coming from his room. At first I thought he was moaning because of the pain, so I quietly opened the door so it was ajar. I quietly looked in to see if Daryl was really moaning because of the pain. But when I saw why he was really moaning, I turned bright red and my cunt started to throb and tingle.

Daryl had his back turned to me, I could see his bare back, which was covered in scars. I had noticed these scars many times, even though he constantly tried to hide them. Sometimes I had to come into his room when he was sleeping to bring him new clothes or leave his food there. My eyes sometimes fell on his broad back and, accordingly, on his scars.

Daryl's right arm moved up and down very quickly, while in his other hand he held a white cloth. He pressed it close to his face, probably to muffle his noises. Although I didn't have much experience with sexual things, I knew enough to know that Daryl was jerking himself off. Although I couldn't see anything, his noises were enough to make my panties wet. I put the food I wanted to bring him on the floor and then my hand wandered between my legs, under my skirt. I slowly pressed my middle finger against my clit, through my panties, and a quiet gasp escaped me. I did my best to be quiet, since everyone was still near the house. Not inside the house, but close. And Daryl was still behind the door.

The sound of skin slapping against each other became faster and faster and Daryl's breathing became faster too. As his hand moved faster, my movements on my clit also became much more faster. I closed my eyes, completely lost in the feeling of masturbation. My panties became wetter and wetter and my legs began to shake while I wished and imagined Daryl was moaning my name. My legs eventually gave up and I slowly knelt on the floor. On the other hand, I could briefly hear Daryl moaning very loudly before I heard nothing more. But I couldn't stop touching myself and imagining Daryl moaning my name, his rough fingers massaging my clit and stroking my skin. With my eyes closed, I gasped a little louder, his name also escaped my lips sometimes.

God, I was so lost in thought that I actually heard him say my name. "(Y/N)?… Hey…" But soon I was surprised by reality when I felt a rough hand on my shoulder. I immediately jumped and looked up at Daryl, his cheeks bright red. He looked at me confused and a little annoyed and I already knew that he knew what I had just done. But he also seemed uncomfortable, because his cheeks were bright red and his hands were shaking slightly. Maybe this was just the aftereffects of masturbating. "D-daryl…!?" Shocked, I pulled my hand away from between my legs and looked at his plate, which was next to me. The food had probably gone cold by now.

"I-i…! I can explain…!" I stuttered harshly, while I held my hand that had been satisfying my clit until recently. My fingertips shone slightly from my arousal seeping through my panties. But I didn't want Daryl to see them, even though he probably already knew what I was doing.

The archer remained silent, he just looked between my legs. There was something sparkling in his blue eyes before he turned around and looked down at me. At first I was afraid he would tell my daddy and I would get into so much trouble. "Come with me." Daryl then said suddenly. Without waiting for my answer, he went into his room and sat down on his bed. Swallowing hard, I got up anyway, taking the plate with me so that no one would get suspicious. Once inside the room, I put the plate on the bedside table and stood in front of Daryl. He looked down briefly before looking up at me, I couldn't even read his expression. "Ya were watchin' me, righ´?" He asked suddenly.

I didn't think it was possible, but my face turned even redder than it had been before. Swallowing hard, I looked down at the floor, feeling incredibly uncomfortable that he was now confronting me like this. The last time I had felt so pathetic was when Maggie had caught me kissing a picture of my favorite actor at the time. But this situation was a whole new level. But I didn't wanted to lie to Daryl, he was a good man. "Y-yes… I-I'm sorry, I didn't want-!" "Lay over ma lap. Now." His words confused me even more. Had he just told me to lie on his lap so that my butt was in the air? But I didn't contradict him, I just nodded silently.

I moved hesitantly towards him and knelt down on the bed next to him. At first I looked at Daryl quietly to make sure that this was really what he wanted. But his dark blue eyes looked at me stubbornly, as if they were telling me even more forcefully that I should finally lie across his lap. So I nodded slightly before I lay across his lap, my hips now over his thighs and my butt was stretched up a little. "'S yar family in yar house?" He asked as he lifted my skirt. Now I felt completely naked in front of him and my shame grew more and more. Daryl could now not only see my ass, but also my wet panties. "N-no…" I answered his question anyway. "W-why-!? Ah!” I gasped loudly when I felt him slap my left butt cheek.

It wasn't a hard slap, but he wasn't gentle either. It was hard enough to make me gasp and whimper, but not hard enough to hurt me. Another slap, this time on my right ass cheek. Whimpering, I dug my nails into his bed cover that was underneath us. "Yar dirty, ya know tha'?" He suddenly asked. I couldn't even answer his question before he slapped my ass again. I pressed my legs together tightly, even though these slaps hurt somehow, they also aroused me at the same time. I felt myself getting even wetter and my lower abdomen tingled strongly as I felt his slap on my ass again.

Whimpering, I pressed my face into his bed, but this was also a mistake. The bed smelled like him. How could it not smell like him, he was lying in this bed the whole time. Daryl's smell made my eyes roll back slightly and my whimpering turned into a quiet moan. While he slapped my now red skin with his right hand, his left hand held my legs down, as I sometimes lifted them out of reflex. "Dirty girl… ya like tha'?" He asked suddenly. A quiet whimper escaped me again, but I didn't answer him. Yes, I liked it, but I didn't want to admit it. Daryl remained silent for a while before he lifted some of the fabric of my panties and let it slap against my skin again. "Yar so goddamn wet…" He growled quietly.

Before I could react, Daryl pushed my panties aside, now he could see my wet pussy. "D-daryl…" "Shhh… be quiet." He said, in a stern but at the same time gentle tone. I hadn't known Daryl for long, but I believed and trusted him. It was dumb, yeah. But I didn´t really care. I could have pushed him away at any time, his grip wasn't firm or hurtful. He slowly let his finger slide through my wet folds before he pressed his rough finger against my clit. Panting, I pressed my legs together tighter and whimpered a little louder. For a while, Daryl massaged my clit in circular movements and I kept moaning and whimpering quietly. "D-daryl, please…" My voice came out quietly. At first I thought he hadn't heard me, but when he slid his fingers to my entrance, I got a cold shiver.

"Ya wan' it here?" He then asked, circling his finger around my entrance. Breathing heavily, I nodded slightly before pressing my face into his bed covers. His scent immediately filled my nose again, and he slowly pushed his finger into me. "Fuck, yar tigh'…" Daryl murmured quietly as he slowly began to move his finger. I was wet enough that he could start right away and I didn't feel any pain, it just felt weird. "D-daryl…~! G-god…" I murmured quietly as my grip on his bed covers became tighter and tighter.

Daryl just growled softly before he curled his finger slightly. He gently pressed his fingertip against my wet, tight inner walls and the hairs on my neck stood up. At some point Daryl added a second finger and he moved his fingers much faster now. Moaning, I pushed my ass even further towards him, which made him slap my ass with his other hand. Little tears of excitement came to my eyes, the mixture of his fingers inside me and his slaps on my ass provoked an orgasm in me. My breathing became faster and stronger while my legs trembled more and more. "Ya cumming?" The archer asked as he slapped my ass again.

"Y-yes…! P-please~…!" "Please wha'?" "P-please, make me cum~!" I moaned loudly and trembled even more. Daryl moved his fingers as fast as he could and pressed his fingertips against my special spot, which made me see black for a moment. Daryl slapped my ass once more and hit my special spot once more before I moaned loudly into his bed and came around his fingers. My head was spinning as Daryl slowly pulled his fingers out of me and gently stroked my ass. "'re ya good?" I heard Daryl ask in a soft voice.

Humming, I nodded slightly, but I was still trying to recover from the orgasm. I had touched myself before, but I had never been so overwhelmed by an orgasm, if I ever had one. "Yeah, yeah… I'm good…" I murmured quietly. I lay still for a while, Daryl adjusted my panties a little and pulled my skirt down again so that it covered my ass.

When I finally got myself together, I slowly climbed down from him. My face was still bright red and my legs were shaking a little. Daryl just looked up at me quietly before looking down at his food. "Can we… do this again?" I asked uncertainly and then looked at him. Daryl remained silent for a moment before turning back to me and looking at me again with his unreadable expression. "If ya wan´? Jus´… don´ tell yar old man." A certain joy and hope spread through me, but I didn't show it, I just nodded. Then I left his room again and closed the door behind me.

Somehow everything went a little too fast for me, but I didn't regret it for a second. So I went back to my room with a big grin to change my panties.

PoV Daryl:

I stayed in bed for a while before looking at my fingers, which were still wet from her orgasm. Something stirred in my pants again as I hesitantly put my fingers in my mouth and tasted them. God, she tasted as sweet as she looked. Of course I knew that she had been interested in me for a long time, but I never dared to speak to her properly because of our age difference. But this situation that happened recently made my heart beat faster and I could now dream about it every night. How her pussy wrapped tightly around my fingers, how her ass slowly turned red with every slap and how she moaned my name. God, I was already looking forward to the next time.

[spongeyspot]

Toxic Traits/Red Flags HC

Characters: Arthur, Javier, John, Lenny, Dutch, Micah, Charles, Sean, Hosea, Mary Beth, Abigail, Tilly, Karen, Sadie, Molly

(A/N): WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS DAWG. I LOVED @cowboyfromh3ll 's take on that shit sm and these hcs have literally been swimming in my head for weeeeeeeeks bro

Edit: some of these were kinda hard because there's not a lot of bad in the characters themselves... I had trouble with specifically Charles, Lenny, Mary Beth, and Tilly. Sorry if they may be OOC. IM EVEN DOING THE GIRLS BECAUSE IM IN A SILLY GOOFY MOOD

Content Warning: female reader, jealousy, self hate, narcissism, gaslighting, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, mentions of murder and violence, mentions of infidelity, mentions of sex (Sean, Micah, Sadie kind of) (MINORS DNI)

Not edited btw

The boys

Arthur Morgan

- Honestly, I feel like Arthur would have this insane, crippling fear of rejection, especially when it comes to dating. - His self hate/deprecation plays a huge part in this, and quite honestly, him and Mary not working out probably also probably contributed to it. - Very emotionally distant. Has a hard time expressing his feelings openly due to that same fear of rejection.🚩 - Bottles shit up until he feels like he's gonna explode 🚩 - His impulse control is almost nonexistent 🚩 - Will resort to saying things that he doesn't even mean. He just says things when he's angry🚩 - Will hate himself even more if he makes you cry - Won't hesitate to run away from camp for a while to cool off. This isn't necessarily a bad thing per se, but he usually takes his time away to overthink the fuck out of everything - Prone to acting violent. (not to someone he cared about, but to other people, absolutely)Also due to his poor impulse control. 🚩

Javier Escuella

- Has a flirty personality, but around women, it just seems to get worse. 🚩 - Tells you you're overreacting if you tell him it bothers you🚩 - Overprotective of you. Always has his eyes on you, and practically orders you to stay in camp where it's safe. - As if you step one foot outside the camp without him, you'll spontaneously drop dead - Jealous asf. Are you laughing at what Bill just said? It wasn't even that funny. Why are you standing so close to him? You should be at least 6 feet away from him, not 5 and a half. 🚩 - Also has a problem with how you dress sometimes. God forbid your shirt is ever low cut. He'd probably ask you to change. 🚩 - And if you get offended or upset, he'll lie and tell you it's because he can't stop staring at your chest, and he'd like to focus of whatever it was he was doing.🚩

John Marston

- Stubborn as all hell. Doesn't listen to anybody for anything.🚩 - Commitment issues up the ass - Says mean things out of anger and sometimes actually means them 🚩 - Won't apologize half the time. He thinks kissing it better actually makes it better 🚩 - Regularly ignores his own bad habits instead of actually facing them 🚩 - Will run away from problems like Arthur, but worse. He'd be gone a really long time.🚩 - Gets annoyed with you if you get angry at him for leaving and staying away for a while. He told you he needed space, didn't he? What else do you need from him?? 🚩 - Ignorantly clueless half the time. Head empty, no thoughts.

Lenny Summers

- Not assertive in the slightest, and usually, respectfully, keeps to himself. -Takes orders without verbal complaints but inside he's annoyed as fuck 🚩 - Even if he hates doing something he'll probably just go "Okay" and do it anyway, and he'll sulk all day afterwards - Refuses to tell you what's wrong because he thinks he'll sound childish.🚩 - If you push the issue, he might snap at you out of annoyance like "Would you just let it be??" - Immediately feels guilty and shameful, and he'll hide away until he's ready to apologize and face you again - Also kind of a know-it-all... He'll correct you a LOT. It would get annoying 🚩 - Would blatantly tell you you're wrong before correcting you🚩 - Not necessarily an asshole about it but he still tends to get under your skin sometimes

Dutch Van Der Linde

- The BIGGEST Narcissist you'll ever meet.🚩 -He loses another piece of his mental state with every breath he takes. Slowly but surely losing his mind.🚩 - King of gaslighting🚩 - How could you even think that about him? He could never do anything wrong! You must be crazy...🚩 - Tries to recite his "pretty words" from Evelyn Miller to try and sound smarter than he actually is 🚩 - Expects you to just feed his ego without him actually doing anything to earn it🚩 - Will try to correct you even when he's wrong🚩 - Refuses to admit he's wrong. He can never be wrong. That word isn't even in his vocabulary unless he's talking about literally anyone but himself🚩

Micah Bell

- Where do I even start with this guy - Not above putting his hands on you if he doesn't get his way. Let's be honest here.🚩 - Mega Narccisist, almost as bad as Dutch 🚩 - Will brag and share every sexual encounter you've ever had with him like he's talking about the weather🚩 - VERY prone to Violence 🚩 - NO impulse control. Murders people for fun.🚩 - Backhanded and borderline abusive compliments 24/7 "You'd look so good if you weren't so fucking fat..." 🚩 - Selfish lover. Thinks just sticking it in will do the trick, and it does, for him at least.🚩 - Little to no affection. What are you? His girlfriend? Wait...🚩 -If he actually does show you affection, and you react in surprise, he'll tell you to go fuck yourself, and that that's the last time he ever does anything nice for you.🚩

Charles Smith

- Impossible to read sometimes - Like Arthur, Charles tends to keep a lot of his emotions bottled up until he feels like he's gonna pop 🚩 - Like most of the men in the Van Der Linde gang, Charles is also prone to acting violently. I mean, he started a bar fight with a fucking chair, and he fights in street fighting rings, let's be real for a second.🚩 - He's incredibly quiet and reserved a lot of the time, and sometimes you just assume that he's listening to you when you talk, but a lot of the time, he's lost in his own thoughts. - Will do everything anyone asks him to at the expense of his own free time and energy, and sometimes he works himself to exhaustion just to try and please everyone.🚩 - In doing so, he sometimes doesn't have time for himself at the end of the day. It also seems like you spend time together less and less as the days go on. - If he ever got himself hurt and you tried to help him, he'd decline any help with anything to save his own pride. The last thing he needs is you thinking he's weak. 🚩 - Extremely Overprotective. Like to the point where he'd beat the shit out of anybody you asked him to🚩

Sean Macguire

- An Alcoholic🚩 - horny 99% of the time, but half that time he probably has whiskey dick. Still asks you to try but doesn't understand that it's like trying to play pool with a rope... - If he can manage to be sober enough to actually get it up, and you're not in the mood, he'd get pissy and annoyed with you for "wasting his boner" 🚩 - Will probably also brag about having sex with you to everyone🚩 - Needy as all hell - Bro sulks on purpose - Low key loves the attention you give him when you continue to ask him what's wrong, but he never actually tells you and constantly says "I'm fine..." or "It's nothing..." 🚩 - But then sighs dramatically and continues sulking and dragging his feet so you keep giving him more attention 🚩

Hosea Matthews

- Ignores his physical health until he's practically dying. You've told him to get that cough looked at for literal years and he just says "I will" and does nothing 🚩 - sometimes talks to you as if you're a child especially if he's around Dutch -low key gaslights you sometimes 🚩 - and he says it with such a gentle tone, its hard to catch it 🚩

The girls

Mary Beth Gaskill

- Daydreams way too much - Likes to live in her romance novel fantasy land rather than face reality 🚩 - Cries a lot - Tries to be angry but can't help but cry instead - If crying makes you feel bad for her, she'll probably do it on purpose so you comfort her and give her attention🚩 -If you're in a fight, she'll turn on the crocodile tears to get you to stop being angry with her or whatever it is you're arguing about.🚩

Abigail Roberts

- She can be verbally abusive if she's pushed far enough 🚩 - Holds in a lot of her emotions🚩 - Neglectful of her own personal needs to make sure you or Jack are fully provided or cared for🚩 - a lot of the time, when she's upset with you, you're probably given the cold shoulder and the silent treatment - incredibly protective. Not necessarily a bad thing, but she can sometimes be super overbearing.

Tilly Jackson

- Tells it how she sees it, sometimes accidentally sounding a lot colder than she means to 🚩 - Too sarcastic for her own good 🚩 - Laughs a little too much sometimes when you tell a joke, and you can often tell it's actually incredibly fake🚩 - gets irritated really easily, especially if she's bothered while doing her chores. The last thing she needs is Grimshaw on her ass again.🚩 - irritable a lot of the time, unintentionally becoming short or snapping at you - like john, she also believes that kissing it better is better than actually apologizing

Karen Jones

- An alcoholic 🚩 - picks fights with you for fun, finds it entertaining to see how red your face can get from anger 🚩 - Screaming matches are a regular occurance between you guys, and she starts it almost every time 🚩 - Pretty jealous when it comes to the opposite sex🚩 - Has self doubt and believes that she can't give you everything a man probably could

Sadie Adler

- The nosiest woman in America. No chill. She reads everyone's mail. - Makes a lot of loose threats 🚩 - Anger issues🚩 - Low impulse control🚩 - Can be a little too rough sometimes 🚩 - If she's upset with you, she'll either yell or storm off. Sometimes both. 🚩 -(She tends to walk away a lot more often because she's actuall self aware that her anger issues are a problem) - She'd never admit that to you though.

Molly O'Shea

- Even more jealous than Javier🚩 - Glares at and envies anyone you talk to that isn't her🚩 - Has immaginary conversations with people in her head🚩 - Rubbing her hands together when the real life conversations are following the script she had planned out in her brain - Needs constant reassurance - "D'you even love me anymore?!"🚩 - Overthinks everything 🚩 - Paranoid as hell about infidelity - Gets mad at you when she dreams about you cheating on her🚩

[lilypadeater]

YOUR WRITING IS SO MUAH 💋

request :3

could you do a smut where Rick is kinda mean towards the reader but that’s only because he’s into her! And he’s kinda a perv 🎀

Try It On

Rick Grimes x Fem!Reader

Summary-(Request)

Content Warnings: +18, MDNI, age gap (20s and 40s) smut, p in v, unprotected, fingering, degrading, perverted and jealous rick I suppose, kissing, flirting, cussing, UNEDITED

The Georgia heat forced you to wear shorts and a tank top, which Rick definitely didn't mind seeing you in. Water sloshed around in the bucket with each step you took, and some even spilled onto you. You poured it into the cow troughs and made your way towards Maggie and Beth.

The girls were standing by the tents of the survivors living on your farm. You nearly rolled your eyes when you saw Maggie flip her hair in efforts of flirting with Glenn, one of the survivors. Beth awkwardly third wheeled them, so you decided you rescue her. "Beth, Daddy needs you," You called out.

She seemed to have caught the hint and scurried away from Glenn and Maggie's flirtatious interaction. You turned to the house but Glenns voice stopped you, "Hey wait! We need your help."

Slightly surprised, you turned back around and asked, "For what?" Maggie sauntered over to you with Glenn following closely behind her.

"We need you to come on a run with us," Maggie demanded.

The idea of going outside the farm was exciting and terrifying at the same time. There was 'infected' everywhere, you assumed. But that was simply an assumption, and you were sick of being cooped up in the farm. It couldn't be that bad, plus, you had Maggie and Glenn to watch out for you.

You paused for a moment before replying, "Well, I'm not opposed to the idea, but why?"

"We need to cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time. Glenn and I are gonna check pharmacies for medicine, you and whoever else are gonna check the stores for ammo."

Now, you were completely against the idea. Maggie and Glenn wouldn't even be around to look out for you. Your safety relied on whoever else agreed to go. "Why the hell would you even want me to go? I can barely shoot a gun."

She rolled her eyes, as if it were the most obvious answer, "You're the only other person here, besides Daddy and Beth, who knows the town as well as me. Don't worry, we'll find someone experienced to protect you." Her snarky tone ticked you off, but you decided to ignore it.

Glenn could see your unconvinced face, and decided to chime in, "Actually, I'll see if Rick could come. If he's able to protect a 12 year old boy, he'll be able to protect you."

It was embarrassing to be seen as s damsel in distress, but you really wouldn't be able to survive out there on your own. The two were eager to have you to come on this run, so you really couldn't say no. You sighed, "Fine, I'll go, but I don't think Rick would agree to it." Rick was the leader of the group on the farm, and he showed his disliked towards you the moment he laid eyes on you. It was clear he'd avoid you at every chance.

Rick couldn't deny the attraction he had towards you. The short dresses and tight tops you wore had his gaze lingering on you for far too long. Your lips looked so kissable every time you spoke to him. It was wrong for him to be attracted to you, Hershel would probably kill him for it. That's why he kept his distance from you and often gave you the cold shoulder.

When Glenn approached him and asked, "Would you mind coming with us on a run and partnering up with Y/N? She's kind of defenseless out there and we'd figure you'd be the best at making sure she stays alive." Rick didn't know what to do.

Being alone with you was something he'd never agree to, for his own well-being. It would be tantalizing to see what he couldn't have right in front of him. But knowing someone else would protect you, filled his veins with jealousy. He wanted to be your protecter, savior, and anything that meant keeping you safe. In his eyes, you were his, you just didn't know it yet.

"Yeah sure, I'll keep an eye on 'er," He nonchalantly answered.

You saddled up two horses, one for Maggie and Glenn, and another for you and Rick. Maggie rushed into the stables while holding onto Glenn's hand and giggling. Before you could say anything, Maggie announced, "Rick's just getting his gun ready, you'll catch up to us," and got onto the horse with Glenn sitting behind her. It was evident that they were going to be doing more than just searching for medicine as they galloped away.

Rick's footsteps snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned towards him with a hand on the horse's course fur. "Ready to go?" You asked softly, trying to seem polite. He just nodded in response and got onto the horse in a swift motion. "You know how to ride a horse?" You inquired, slightly confused at how well he did it.

"Yeah. Get on," He dryly answered. You were disappointed at his response and got onto the the back of the horse. Your body was pressed up against his back, making your stomach flutter and his heart race.

"This one's jumpy, so I'd be careful," You informed as you snaked your arms around his waist to hold yourself securely. The horse jolted forward and trotted out of the stables.

You directed Rick toward the town, but it was hard to focus on the dangers around you when you were so close to him. He smelled of a campfire and the forest, intoxicating you.

After about half an hour, you finally reached the town. The horse's loud footsteps attracted a walker, but Rick effortlessly stabbed it in the head. He began to tie the horse to a fence, but you quickly stood in front of him, stopping him. "What if she gets eaten?" You whispered, your voice laced with concern.

"Then so be it. There ain't nothing we can do, but this area seems fairly clear anyway," He replied with some edge and gently moved you to the side.

"Are you sure? Please can we look around to make sure?" You pleaded, feeling distressed from the situation.

He could see the worry in your innocent eyes and felt guilt creep up on him. "Fine," He grumbled and pulled his gun out of its holster.

You smiled in appreciation and watched as he tied the horse to the fence. Rick turned to you and asked, "Where's your gun?"

Completely clueless, you looked up at him and replied, "What gun?" Your father had forbidden the use of guns for you and your sisters, so the only weapon you had was a hunting knife. It was small, and you had to sneak it out of your father's shed, but it got the job done. Well, at least you'd hope it would.

He rubbed his forehead with his hand in frustration, "Jesus Christ, jus' stay close." You took this as a sign to grab his hand, lightly pulling him in the area you wanted to check. Rick was taken aback, but holding your hand was thrilling. He loved how soft and gentle your hand was, compared to his rough and calloused one.

After inspecting the area and finding no walkers, you deemed it safe enough to leave the horse. You guided Rick through the abandoned town, occasionally stopping at some stores to loot. Being in his presence made you feel safe, despite his attitude.

"This used to be my favorite place to shop," You explained and pointed to a boutique. It had broken windows and weathering, but there was still some clothing inside. "Now everything in it is free." Your comment formed a slight smile on Rick's face.

"We can check it out, but it's gettin' late, we need to head back soon," He plainly stated. You released Rick's hand and pranced towards the store eagerly. Rick followed you closely, slightly disappointed from the loss of physical contact. He did a quick sweep through the store to ensure no unwanted visitors would interfere with your looting spree.

"Look at this!" You exclaimed and excitedly picked up a short red dress with lace detailing. There were a couple tops and skirts you decided to take as well, stuffing everything into your backpack. It was dusty, but nonetheless beautiful.

Your smile and joy brought a sense of warmth around him, but the sunset outside made him anxious. "Are y'done yet? Walkers gonna be crawlin' everywhere soon," He hissed impatiently with his arms folded.

"Yeah, could you just help me try on this dress? I don't wanna take it all the way back if it doesn't fit," You replied and held up the wine red dress with elegant lace designs adorning it. He simply grumbled and followed you into the dressing rooms, hiding his anticipation.

You stepped into a dressing room and closed the curtain almost fully. The temptation to glance at you through the sliver filled Rick's mind, but he chose to turn away and ignore the growing bulge in his pants.

After undressing, you needed help zipping up the back of the dress. It barely covered your ass, so bringing it with you wasn't practical. Yet the urge to show Rick encouraged you to call out for him. He strode towards the dressing room as you slid the curtain open, revealing the beautiful dress. His eyes devoured the sight in front of him and roamed your body. Your legs and cleavage were on perfect display and the color complimented you beautifully.

"Zip me up?" You asked and turned around, pretending his gaze was unnoticed. The enclosed space required your bodies to push together. His warms hands reach your back and held you in place while her zipped it up. You could feel your cheeks heating up when his hand made contact with your bare skin and his erection pressed against you.

"Y'like it?" You whispered and tilted your head back, peering up at him through your lashes. Rick's eyes hungrily stared down at you as his hands traveled to your waist.

"Mhm" he muttered, tracing your body with his hands.

“Show me how much you like it,” you muttered, leaning into his touch and turning to face him. His lips grazed over your forehead before you felt his rough hand slip under your dress.

A smirk formed on your face when you met his hungry face. You guided his hand to you inner thigh, letting out a breathy gasp when his fingers reached your heat.

His fingers brushed over your soaking clothed pussy, "Fuckin' minx, already so wet." The feeing of his fingers rubbing your clit and hearing his words sent chills down your spine.

Rick's movements brought you close to the edge, just for him to slow down and deny your release. "Please," You whined, only receiving a sadistic smile from him. His hand left your clit and slipped out from under the dress, leaving you frustrated for more. "Just fuck me already," you panted, desperate to alleviate the growing desire between your legs.

He said nothing, simply cupping your face with the same hand and shoving the damp fingers into your mouth. You were surprised, but still felt yourself sucking on them eagerly, slightly tasting yourself.

"Only if you ask nicely," He smugly whispered into your ear before pulling them out.

"Please fuck me," You pleaded. In one swift motion, he spun you around and pressed you into the wall. Your hands supported you against the wall, as the sound of his belt unbuckling ignited a fire in your stomach. He pushed your dress up, just enough to slide your underwear to the side and coat his rock-hard cock with the arousal on your folds. The sensation earned a whimper from you as you struggled to stay quiet.

Rick eased into your drenched cunt slowly, giving you some time to adjust to the stretch. Your tight cunt squeezed around him, almost too tight. He was pressed deep inside of you, practically pushing against your cervix. He began to slowly thrust in and out of you, filling the small room with your whimpers and his groans. “You’re a fucking slut,” he rasped, causing your face to heat up in embarrassment. A loud and desperate moan left your lips as he sped up, grabbing your hips to push himself even deeper.

His hips rutted into yours roughly. “Fuck, I’m almost there,” you panted as the tingling sensation in your stomach increased.

A sinful smirk played onto his lips and he muttered “Good girl.” His praise sent you into your orgasm as he could pounding into you. Your walls clenched around him, finally slowing him down as he approached his own climax. You Rick grabbed a fistful of your hair and brought you closer to his face, shoving his tongue into your mouth. He stuffed your cunt with his cock completely before coming inside you, painting your walls white. You moaned into his kiss, satisfied at the feeling of being so full.

He slowly pulled out of you, causing some of the white liquid to dribble out. Your lips disconnected, gasping for air. Rick stared into your eyes with a sense of astonishment as you both caught your breath.

You met his eyes and smirked, “I guess you really liked the dress?”

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓

Lmao this took me so long to finish cause I was like “wtf am I doing” the whole time, sorry if it’s a little all over the place

Make more requests guys 😜

[wosoamazing]

Injuries, Confrontations and Apologies

Summary: Your Ma gets hurt but pretends she is fine and ends up in hospital.

Warnings: Concussions, Vomiting, Hospitals, Angst I guess

A/N: This was meant to be a soft comfort fic but somehow it turned into this – I mean I’m not mad. Hopefully you like it.

Last Saturday a bee stung you, it made you feel icky and you had to go to the hospital. The doctors at the hospital gave your Mum’s these weird pen things. The doctors taught your Mum’s how to use them, as well as Steph and Sam for just encase. You were upset about your trip to the hospital, as it meant you had to miss the game but you get to go to the game this week.

You slept almost the whole bus ride, much to everyone’s delight, today was an important game, so with you sleeping it meant everyone could focus on the game. When you did wake up there was only 10 more minutes of the trip left, you decided to go walk down and sit next to Steph, once she realised you were trying to climb into the seat next to her she helped you up, you didn’t make any noise though, you just sat there as you took in the world around you.

In the locker room you sat in your Ma’s cubby as you ate your snacks, everyone kept looking over to you and whispering to your Mum’s that you looked extra cute today.

You were sitting on Leah’s lap, well more so her good leg as you watched the game from the bench, there was around 20 minutes of game time left when your Mum doubled over before she started losing her stomach contents on the pitch.

“Weah,” you said

“mmm” she hummed to let you know she was listening “Ma sick” you informed her pointing “What do you mean?” she asked clearly not looking at the pitch.

“I think if you stopped having a nap and looked at the pitch you would see what she means” Beth joked.

“Oh shit,” Leah said as she looked at the pitch before looking over to Beth and Viv, who just made funny faces you didn’t understand.

“We see Ma? See if okay?” You asked as the medics took her off the pitch.

 “Sure munchkin,” Leah put you down, stood up and was reaching to pick you up, before she was interrupted by Beth “Leah, you can’t carry her yet, it's too risky,” “I’ll be fine beth,”

“No Leah, Beth is right, it isn’t safe, or good for you, we will come with you” Viv said in a sterner tone. Leah huffed as Beth picked you up, before the three women took you to see your Ma.

When you arrived in the medical room your Ma was laying on one of the beds with her eyes closed.

“What happened?” Leah asked without warning, slightly startling your Ma.

“I started feeling a little dizzy and then next thing I knew I was throwing up” she replied.

“So, what you actually mean is that when you got hit in the head and feel backwards onto the pitch hitting your head again, you actually did feel it and really should’ve gone off then, but you wanted to keep playing so you risked your own health” Viv said as though your Ma was in trouble.

You stayed with your Ma until the game finished, you kept yourself entertained with a glove that Beth blew up.

____

When you got home your Mum told you to go play in your playroom for a bit, which you did, she then came in to talk to you. “Ma isn’t feeling too well, but you can see her if you want,” “O-tay, I go now?” “Yeah, you can, but you have to make sure to keep the lights off and be very quiet, and try not to move much, okay?” “O-tay,” you toddled down the hall and into your Mum’s room to see your Ma, while your Mum put some washing on.

“Ma,” you whispered as you walked up her side of the bed, her eyes slowly opened and she did some slow blinks, before she spoke.

“No Y/N, go away,” she said harshly, you quickly spun around as tears started rolling down your cheeks and ran out of the room, crashing into your Mum’s legs as your eyes were full of water and you couldn’t see.

“What’s wrong?” “M-Ma, said go way,” “Oh baby, I’m sorry,” your Mum said as she wiped some of your tears away, but as soon as she could wipe the old ones away new ones replaced them “How bout I put you on the couch and you can watch some frozen while I speak to your Ma.” You perked up at the idea of frozen and quickly nodded your head, your Mum put you down on the sofa and turned frozen on before she quickly filled one of your sippy cups with water and gave it to you. “I’ll be back okay,” you just nodded your head not really listening to her anymore because frozen was playing.

“Why did you tell Y/N to go away, you really upset her,” your Mum questioned your Ma.

“I feel like shit Cait, and I don’t want Y/N to, I don’t know” she huffed.

“I know you feel like shit, but it’s partly your fault, and it doesn’t give you the right to push everyone away who is just trying to help you and it especially doesn’t give you the right to get mad at your daughter and tell her to go away when all she was trying to do was help, I’m going to take y/n to the park, I’ll will be back in a bit, if you need anything please call me, I will come back and help, anything at all, I promise, but Beth and Viv have offered to take her to the park so I’m going to walk her around there,” before your Ma could say anything your Mum had walked out of their bedroom door.

____

“Katie, Babe, I just came back to check everything is alright, Y/N is still at the park with Beth and Viv” Caitlin said as she walked through the door, there was no response, “Katie, Babe,” the house was oddly silent, so she walked further through the house. “Shit, Katie,” Caitlin exclaimed as she rounded the corner to find Katie passed out in the middle of the floor, “Katie, babe, wake up” she shook Katie to wake her up.

“What, oh God,” Katie said as she woke up, she quickly got up off the floor and ran to the toilet before hunching over it, emptying the remains of her stomach’s contents.

“Why didn’t you call? You shouldn’t have gotten up and walked around,” Caitlin wondered what the point in asking that question was. Of course she didn’t call, she doesn’t ask for help and constantly pushes help away when she is offered it.

“Because you were mad,” Katie replied through gags. Shit she thought to herself. Was this her fault?

Katie stopped throwing up but soon passed out again, Caitlin quickly grabbed her phone and called Leah, in which Kim answered.

“Kim, Leah, I need your help. I’ve fucked up but that can be explained later, Katie needs to go to the hospital because I found her passed out and when I woke her up, she ran to the toilet and threw up heaps before she passed out again, but she isn’t going to listen to me, please help.” Caitlin stopped talking while her captains must’ve been talking, “Okay thank-you, I’ll go unlock the door, we’re just in our bathroom. Beth and Viv have Y/N.”

____

Thankfully the girls had been directed to a private waiting room, meaning they didn’t have to worry about fans. 

As Beth and Viv walked into the room Leah and Kim looked at them in confusion, “We called Steph, she called Sam, Y/N is staying at Sam and Kristie’s, we told her it’s just a last-minute sleepover type thing. Steph is on her way here now.” Kim and Leah nodded with slight relief, hoping Steph would be able to talk to Caitlin, and maybe calm her down. She had been pacing the length of the room, wiping away her tears as they fell since they arrived.

Steph arrived and looked at the four women before her gaze moved over to Caitlin, she cautiously approached her and gently put a hand on her shoulder as she softly said, “Hey Cait, can you sit down for me,” Caitlin looked up at her and just about broke, almost collapsing in the chair behind her.

“I’m so stupid, this is all my fault” she blurted out.

“This isn’t your fault, this is her fault, she is the one that played with a concussion and made it worse, she is the one that didn’t ask for help when you told her too,” Steph said as she put her arm around her shoulder and rubbed her hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her.

“Yeah, but I left her alone, I left her alone after I got mad at her, I left the person who doesn’t take help let alone ask for it alone, with instructions to call the person who just got mad at her for help, what was I thinking she would’ve never called for help anyway let alone after I just got mad at her. I, I can’t believe I was so dumb to think that, I literally left her to fend for herself, what if she had hit her head on something on the way down, she could’ve died, I could’ve killed her, oh god, I can’t believe I just did that, I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have left her alone,” She blurted out, she leant into Steph’s side before continuing, “I was, I was,” she stammered before taking a few deep breaths as she suddenly felt sick “I’m going to be sick” Steph quickly reacted and thankfully as they were in a hospital there was just about sick bags on all the walls, in little dispensers. Steph rubbed her back as she lost some of her stomach contents, before Beth handed her a bottle of water which she took a small sip from. “Can you please lie down for me?” Steph asked, concerned for her friend, Caitlin did as she said and rested her head in Steph’s lap, falling asleep.

_____

Viv was in Katie’s room as she woke up, sitting on a chair at the side of the bed, she started to speak before Katie could. “I’m really disappointed in you, you really need to learn to let people help you, it’s not weak, Caitlin is literally out there in an absolute state, she literally made herself sick because she feels like such a crap person for getting mad at you and leaving you, when in reality she did nothing wrong, she left you with strict instructions to call for help. You do realise if she hadn’t come back when she did we could be in a very different situation. You might not even be here. In all honesty McCabe it’s hard when we try and help you and all you do is push us away, so I can’t even imagine what it is like for Caitlin, I get it you’re mad at the world in these situations, I’ve been there we all have, but you can’t push people away, especially the people in your life who love you the most, Caitlin absolutely adores you and for the most part you two have a great relationship but currently she is out there in shambles because she offers and offers when you need help and you don’t take, I don’t understand it.”

Katie couldn’t reply to that, Viv was right, there was nothing to do or say, other than to apologise to Caitlin who wasn’t there.

After quite a lot of awkward silence Katie spoke “Where’s Y/N?” “She is having a fun sleepover at Kristie’s and Sam’s, that’s all she knows.”

_____

Caitlin walked in hesitantly, her hair was a mess, her cheeks were tearstained, she had big bags under her eyes. Katie started crying, knowing it was her fault her girlfriend was looking this bad. Caitlin walked over to where the chair was sitting next to Katie’s bed, she sat down in it as she took Katie’s hands in hers before taking a deep breath. 

“Katie, I’m sorry I left you alone, I didn’t know it was this bad, if I did I wouldn’t have ever left you alone, no matter how angry I was. But this is why you need to communicate with people, with me Babe. It’s dangerous when you don’t tell us how you are feeling. You could’ve died.” she sighed before continuing “I just don't understand why you won't accept help, needing help isn't a weakness it’s normal. I love you, I want to help you, try and help you feel slightly better. I’m not going to judge you or complain or tell you that you’re overreacting. I just want you to let people help you, at least let me help you, please” she kissed Katie’s hands and let them go. Katie sat up shifting forward in the bed, before she looked longingly up at Caitlin, who realised this was Katie asking for her help, even though she wasn’t using her words, it was a start. Caitlin climbed onto the bed and situated herself behind Katie, placing her legs either side of her before pulling her in towards her, Katie rested her head back to rest in the crock of Caitlin’s neck.

“I’m sorry Cait, I love you,” was all that Katie whispered in her ears before her eyes fluttered shut.

Caitlin awoke to the sound of gagging, she quickly grabbed the sick bowl and placed it in front of Katie before helping her to sit up slightly, Caitlin rubbed her back, as she dry heaved.

“Cait, help” Katie managed to say through gags, she sounded as though she was in tears, Caitlin pressed the call button, “I know babe, it’s not nice, but I’m here, I’ve got you, you’ve got this, you’re going to be okay,” Katie stopped and collapsed back into Caitlin, as they nurse walked in, she spoke to Katie, however her words were more directed too Caitlin “I’ll give you some anti-nausea medication,” she said, before she started sifting through draws, once she found it she put it into Katie’s IV and said, “hopefully that helps but if it doesn’t let us know and we will try and figure something else out.”

“Thank you,” Caitlin said as she smiled at the nurse who was walking out of the room. The pair very quickly fell asleep again, their day had been hectic to say the least, leaving the both of them exhausted. 

It was the third time that night that Katie had woken up dry heaving, the second time it happened she was sent for another MRI to check she didn’t have a brain bleed or a clot, it came back clear, so they gave her antihistamines to see if they did anything, but they apparently didn’t. “Cait, please” Katie cried out.

“I know babe, I wish it would stop too, I wish I could make it stop, but I’m here and I’ll stay here, I love you, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re doing great babe,” Caitlin said trying to reassure her girlfriend as she continued to dry heave. Caitlin eventually pressed the Nurse’s call button again as Katie hadn’t stopped, after consulting with a few doctors and specialists they decided to give Katie more anti-nausea medicine even though she had had the maximum amount, thankfully they did the trick and Katie stopped, allowing the pair to sleep through the rest of the night.

_____

You sat on the floor of the living room in your house playing with your toys, as Steph sat on the couch, watching over you, when you heard a familiar car engine pull into the driveway, a few moments later you heard Keys in the door unlocking it as Steph said “That’s your Mum and Ma,”.

As the door opened you tensed up, not knowing what your Ma might say to you, you saw your Ma standing next to your Mum and you ran upstairs into your room.

Your Mum and Steph helped your Ma into her room and got her all sorted before Steph left, telling them to call her if they needed anything. Your Mum told your Ma she was just going to check on you quickly and then she would be back.

Your Mum opened your door and saw your sobbing body splayed out on your bed, she picked you up. You tried to fight her hold but she just tightened her grip causing you to give in.

“Ma doesn’t want me,” you sadly say.

 “Oh Monkey, that’s not true, your Ma was feeling very icky and that made her mad,” she said wiping the hair out of your face.

“Like it always does?” you question, your Ma had never been so mad when she was icky that she made you go away.

“Yeah but extra mad. But we have talked and she is going to try and not get so made when she is icky. Do you want to see her? I think she would like to see you,” you nodded hesitantly and you were carried into their room. The light was very dim in there, but your Ma could still see your red tear stained cheeks and your puffy eyes, and she felt very angry with herself.

“I’m super sorry Munchkin, I shouldn't have yelled at you to go away, you were only trying to see if I was okay,” she said as your Mum put you down on the bed, you didn't reply to her, but instead crawled over to her and curled into her side, falling asleep almost immediately. Your Ma was confused by you falling asleep so quickly, and furrowed her brows at your Mum who answered her.

“Sam messaged me this morning, said she didn’t sleep very well last night, go to sleep I might too, but let me know if you need anything please.”

“I love you, Cait, thank you, for everything,” Your Ma said, before your Mum leant over to place a quick kiss on her lips. They both quickly joined you in sleep.

[elen-tari2]

My Kastle Scene Wishlist

I’m not sure what Kastle content we might get in Daredevil Born Again, but there is also talk that they might make a new Punisher show. What are some scenes/parallels that you would like to see between Frank and Karen? Here’s a few of my musings

Reversed Hospital Scene! I would like to see Frank momentarily panic over Karen getting hurt and have a turn holding her hand in a hospital bed. I feel like we deserve this scene so bad. (Caveat: Frank CANNOT be the reason Karen got injured, even if it’s just she got shot in the arm or has a concussion; Karen is in dangerous situations regardless of Frank being near her or not and he needs a wake up call for that). Bonus points for the total opposite of telling her to walk way—this time HE GETS IN THE HOSPITAL BED and puts his arms around her and just holds her and Karen gets to feel completely safe for a few minutes. Just go all out with the hurt/comfort trope for these two. Anyway, I have a whole WIP fic devoted to this, so honestly it has become my top wish to see some parallels drawn with another hospital scene.

Karen gets to help in a fight and shoots someone. I feel like since they never got to have the Wesley conversation, a way to show-not-tell would be for Karen to kill a bad guy and then Frank come check on her to be like, ‘hey are you okay?’and she’d be like, ‘yeah, I am.’ She’d be a bit shaken up but grimly holding it together because it’s not her first time killing someone. This would also work in contrast to the scene where Amy shoots the guy in the hall and then Frank infamously takes the gun from her and takes the responsibility of his death away from her. Sorry to make Karen suffer because I know she’ll feel bad about it, but I’d be okay with seeing her character go a little bit darker to save someone’s life. She’s been carrying that gun since DDs2, she deserves to take out a baddie on her own and it’d be a great segue into rehashing some of her past that Frank NEEDS to know about

Frank meets Paxton Page. Will the show make time for this? Probably not. But damn do I want to know what Frank would say if he knew that Karen’s dad cut off his only daughter, when Frank would do anything—anything—to spend one minute with Lisa again. I’d love to see Frank go to Fagan Corners with Karen to put flowers on her mom and brother’s graves. We spent three seasons of Frank being able to open up around Karen and talk about his family with her. Meanwhile she has never once said anything about the losses she’s suffered. Frank needs to know and I don’t want it all jammed into one big backstory dump where she tells him she killed her brother and Wesley in the same conversation. Another option would be for Frank to accidentally visit Karen on the anniversary of her mom/Kevin’s death and she is having a breakdown. If we can’t get into any of Karen’s past, have Frank find out Karen has his burner phone saved in her contacts listed as Home. I’ve seen that idea in several different fics and it just needs to be canon. They are Home to each other.

A scene where Frank holds Karen all night and they don’t have sex, but it’s profound. (Think like Spike holding Buffy). If they are nervous about comics fans being mad about Frank Castle finding love again, give us some physical intimacy and closeness where you know they mean everything to each other but can’t cross the line and make things real. Fan fic writers will know we won and then fill in the rest for those cowards.

If they’re willing to make Kastle real, give us a goddamn kiss. Actually, just let them have sex, because Karen Page has been forced to stay chaste for YEARS and she deserves to get laid. And Jon Bernthal seems to be more than comfortable doing sex scenes soooo please just make it the most beautiful thing ever filmed because they are so in love with each other. It has to be noticeably different in tone from the scene with Beth. And Karen cannot get shot the next day, don’t even start with any of that bull$hit trauma for Frank.

Kastle pillow talk scene. Since it’s Disney Marvel now, I don’t know how much we can hope for with a sex scene. So the pillow talk scene that follows had better be some life-altering confessions of love and cuddles. Do not even think about him sneaking out before she wakes up like he almost did with Beth. Karen deserves something good to happen to her for once, let her have a perfect night and a gentle, soft morning after. She deserves it even if Frank isn’t sure if he does.

Karen Page and Dinah Madani Friendship. I’m rewatching The Punisher s2 and one thing that pissed me off was the scenes of fake bonding between Dinah and Krista Dumont, drinking wine together and discussing men (Frank and Billy, who else). So. To make up for that, we need some genuine female friendships, like Karen and Dinah going to a shooting range together or gym or going out to a nice bar for girls night. Even if Frank has been keeping his distance, these ladies have struck up a friendship and Karen has someone to hang out with besides her lawyer coworkers.

Karen gets to meet Micro/The Lieberman family AND Curtis. David knows how Frank really feels about Karen. Curtis needs to find out Frank DOES still have something good holding him in this world. And Karen should meet Frank’s friends.

Okay those are some of the scenes I want to see for Frank and Karen! If someone could please get this list to the Punisher writers for the future of the show, it’s actually very important that we get some of this or I’m gonna have to come write for the show myself. 🙈

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 65)

Jordan Nobbs x Leah Williamson (11) / Lucy Bronze x Reader (55)

Masterlist (other parts here)

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Mostly Leah and Jordan :)

Leah POV

“I didn’t wake you, did I? I completely blanked… you stopped replying and I didn’t even think.” Leah stressed as she drove.

“No, no, you’re all good. I’m a little too wound up to sleep for long until Luce gets home, I think. I’m just waiting for the next shoe to drop with this whole drama.”

“Is Ridley still there?”

“She left after I fell asleep, she has some meetings in town.”

“So you were asleep?”

“Barely… it’s okay. It’s probably a good thing you have someone to talk to for your drive…” She cleared her throat and yawned. “Oh shit, did you see Beth scored a brace?”

“No?! I was there for her first. First one back since her ACL, I was crying.”

“That’ll be you soon, mate.”

“Not this year,” she almost grumbled.

“Oh? January?” YFN’s tired voice piped up with excitement for her.

“I’m hoping so. I feel bad for leaving – I should be there to celebrate with Beth after the game.”

“Okay stop right there, that’s your anxiety talking. Beth knows that you needed to do go.” YFN’s support calmed Leah, and she knew she’d called the exact right person.

“Yeah… wait, did you speak to her?”

“I’m always chatting with the girls. A few of them are coming over after the game actually. It was last minute. I think Kyra got excited when she saw Lucy and invited herself and-”

“-and the rest of the girls jumped on board?”

“Something like that,” she laughed wearily. “So it’s a good thing I’m awake because I need to organise some food for when they get here.”

“Don’t you go over-exerting yourself mate.”

“Pfft, I’ve spent the last week laying or sitting… I’m happy to hop around and stretch my leg.”

Leah laughed at the way she’d said that. Her one leg. “You’ll have two legs next week!”

“Hopefully the doctor’s okay with me walking on it. I get to switch from a wheelchair to sexy walking stick. I really hope it’s okay enough to because I’m worried about Luce’s knee when she carries me everywhere.”

“Not surprised. Has her knee been acting up?”

“At the risk of getting her in trouble with her England Captain… yes. It’s been a bit swollen and I can tell it’s giving her pain. She tries to hide it.”

“She’ll never admit it’s sore, especially while you’re still healing.”

“I know, she’s a pain. I’ve been massaging it and insisting she ice it, though. She and Alexia have been working out and training together, so I just hope she’s being careful.”

Leah heard the worry in her voice and it made her think about Jordan. She was never nervous to watch anyone play… except Jordan. She couldn’t bear to watch her be pushed around. She was only small, after all.

“She’s been through this a lot, YFN. She knows her limits better than anyone I know. She’ll definitely be looking after herself.” Leah reassured her.

“Mmn. I know you’re right; I just worry.”

“Well let me distract you then. I spoke to Jill and Alex and they’re both excited for the podcast idea. They said you’ve been chatting with them?”

“Not as much as I’ve wanted to because of this drama, but yeah I’ve chatted to them a few times over the week. Alex is coming over tomorrow to talk a bit more about it all, and we’ll catch up with Jill when we go to Manchester next week.”

“Oh? Lucy’s missing home?”

“Always. Missing home and family so we’re going to see them.”

“When will you be back? I’m happy to do my interview whenever.”

She heard her clicking on what was potentially her laptop. “Uh… so next week I have pencilled in to bring a few of the girls into the office and do some interviews there.”

“Didn’t work out at your house?”

“Oh, no it definitely did,” she yawned again. “I figured it would build morale of my staff to meet some players, and we’ve set up a big studio there for content… and there’s a wall I’d like you all to sign.”

“A wall?”

“Just a little side-project of mine,” she chuckled. “It’ll make sense when you see it. Viv’s just been subbed on.”

“What minute?”

“Eighty-second.”

“Looks like overtime?”

“I missed most of the game but maybe three to five minutes.”

“A good ten minutes at least then. She’s been dying to stretch her legs out there.”

“They’re long enough.”

Leah laughed. She was glad she’d called her; their conversation was calming her at almost the same rate that she became more anxious as she got closer to Villa Park. YFN must have noticed.

“Are you far out?”

“Thirty minutes out. I was thinking of stopping and getting her some flowers. What do you think?”

“Well she loves flowers. I think she’d really like that Leah…” Her voice softened. “Just remember what I told you about when she sees you.”

Leah nodded even though she knew she couldn’t see it. ‘You watch her face when she sees you, Leah. In that first split second that it takes to recover her expression… you’ll see everything she’s feeling.’

This is why Leah thought she was so nervous. What if she was angry she hadn’t told her… or showing how heartbroken she still was? It would hurt, but Leah knew she’d accept whatever came her way, as it was all her own doing. She just wanted her, and their life back – though only if Jordan wanted that too.

“I will.”

“Are you sitting close to the benches?”

“Right near them in the family and friends’ section, yeah.” She didn’t know if she was imagining her voice wavering, or if it actually was.

“She’s going to be excited to see you, mate. I promise.”

Leah arrived just in time for the girls to exit the tunnel, having been delayed in the flower shop procrastinating over which was the best for her. She put it in the back seat of her black Mercedes, right next to the toy she’d bought for Blu.

She couldn’t believe how nervous she was, and YFN was right there with her, on the phone and then texting back and forth with her after they’d hung up. She knew she was busy with the Arsenal and West Ham girls dropping by, but she still made time for her. A few weeks ago, Leah would have thought she was doing it for Jordan’s sake, but she’d gotten so close to the Australian that she knew it was for hers also.

She sat in her assigned seat, saying a polite hello to the people she knew, and felt herself almost hyperventilate when Jordan entered the pitch in the starting line-up. She’d never had this reaction to her – or anyone before. It confused her, but at the same time, it made her realise just how much she meant to her. Jordan was looking too small for her clothes as always, her shorts and socks almost reaching each other. She wore that expression she did when she was on the pitch, her serious face. Football was serious for Jordan, and that was evident by just how aggressive and impatient she was on the pitch; a sharp contrast to what she was usually like in person. So sweet and kind and shy almost. Her Jordan. She felt her body tingling and her hands shake a little as she watched her taking their line-up photos and start to play.

Leah’s phone dinged and she looked down.

YFN: A bit of a healthy distraction for you.

YFN sent a photo.

YFN sent a photo.

The first was a photo of the group who’d invaded Lucy and YFN’s house. YFN had obviously asked Lucy to take a selfie of the group as they were all doing strange poses to the camera mid eating or talking, standing and sitting. Most of the Arsenal girls were there, along with half of the West Ham team. She grinned at the photo.

The second was a photo obviously taken from YFN’s position on the couch, pointing at Beth who was showing two fingers, Katie hanging off her with a ‘COME ON’ expression for Beth’s brace.

YFN’s efforts to distract her from herself were definitely working.

Leah: You’re not getting sleep anytime soon. *melting face emoji*

YFN: My bigger concern is that I didn’t order enough for a fucking tribe.

Leah chuckled. The girls were always extra hungry after games. She should have warned her. She looked up to see the ball nowhere near Jordan, and looked back down again to reply.

Leah: Why do I feel like I’m going to get home, and the party will still be going?

She looked back up to see Jordan crash into someone. She touched the ball, but was still warned by the referee and threw her hands up. That made her smile. That is… after she’d stood up and she knew she was okay.

Her phone buzzed.

YFN: Come 9pm I’ll be dragging them out kicking

YFN: That was Lucy ^^ but she’s not joking. *nervous laugh emoji*

YFN: She gets grumpy when she’s tired.

Leah knew that all too well, having been in many camps with Lucy.

Leah: She’s worse when she’s hungry!

YFN: I’ve learnt to sort that out before it becomes a problem.

YFN sent a photo.

It was a selfie of YFN sitting in the corner of the couch and angled up to Lucy not so elegantly stuffing her face. Regardless of Lucy’s full mouth, YFN looked at her with an expression of adoration. They looked so happy. Leah craved that happiness she’d once had with Jordan. For seven years they were the envy of the party and sitting in the stands now, watching her play from afar, she cursed herself for taking that… for taking her for granted.

She put her phone down to watch her play, again adoring the way Jordan jogged after whoever had the ball, her shorts almost falling off of her, and then attacking the players with the ball whenever she was close. It was evident just how much she loved the game. And as if all of that wasn’t adorable enough, she wore black gloves to fight the cold she felt. There wasn’t much to her, so she was always cold. Their house always needed to be hot enough that she didn’t feel the cold, but Leah had always sneakily liked to have it just the perfect temperature that she’d snuggle into her as they slept or tuck herself into her body on the couch or as she just went about her day. She too loved their hugs, just as much as Jordan. The way she fit into her body was like it was made for her. Jordan was so affectionate that she’d always kiss her neck in thanks.

Not recently of course. Recently there had been the soft hugs without the kissing, and without the talking. It was nice, but she missed all of it.

Jordan was knocked to the ground hard as she went for the ball and Leah flinched, leaning to the edge of her seat to get a better view. When Jordan didn’t get up straight away, she stood with several of the crowd and watched worriedly. As more people stood, she was up on her tip-toes to peer over everyone to see Jordan clutching her knee and the medics run over. Her heart sunk.

The teams used the opportunity to chat while she was being seen to, her face contorting in pain. Leah didn’t want to admit to herself that the smallest part of her wanted something to be wrong so she’d have time off and Leah could look after her. She felt so ashamed and shoved the thought aside as her other feeling took hold. ‘Not the knee,’ she thought. ‘Please not the knee. Get up Jord. Please get up.’

Someone tried to get her attention and she brushed them off, her eyes only on Jordan. The medics helped for several minutes until Jordan was standing again and hobbling across the pitch. She wanted to stay on.

Of course she did. She loved playing football.

They stopped for half time an even nil score, and Leah waited for Jordan to look up and see her as she wandered towards the tunnel, but she didn’t. To say she was disappointed would be an understatement. She let herself mingle with the people around her who she knew, and fifteen minutes later, the girls were re-entering the pitch. Jordan hadn’t been subbed, which was great, and although it wasn’t yet dark, it was even colder and she couldn’t help but stress about her getting sick. It was raining now, and so cold she could see her breath as she jogged back out. Her knee looked to be okay though, which was a good sign.

The first goal came in the 54th minute by an unfortunate own goal from Aston Villa’s Anna Patten. Jordan looked frustrated as she shook her head and jogged back to her spot.

It only took a minute for Rachel Daly to score an equaliser, Leah smiling as she watched Jordan jump and shout excitedly, though she didn’t run to celebrate with her team. There was something different about watching her with Villa. Leah had noticed watching Jordan’s games that she didn’t look as happy when she celebrated with Villa, and she’d always wondered if she was just biased, though seeing her not celebrate with them made her realise she wasn’t imagining it. She remembered the giant grin on her face as she used to run and jump into their group when she celebrated with Arsenal. She was always so light that Leah could barely feel her as she ran and jumped onto her.

Oh, Jord. She missed seeing her at training every day. But it wasn’t even that. As she watched her, she missed living together, driving in together, training together, going home together. They’d always sit next to each other when travelling and share hotel rooms.

She was ripped from her thoughts by Jordan stealing the ball in a clean move. She smiled. The game was back and forth pretty even following that, though Aston Villa were controlling the ball more. They just couldn’t seem to get past the Everton defence. It started raining heavier and Leah pulled her coat tighter around her. A penalty kick to Everton in the 74th minute had Jordan throwing her arms up again in frustration. The kick came… and it was a goal. It wasn’t looking good.

Three minutes later, Jordan was subbed off. She walked off looking defeated, though as she high-fived her subbed teammate at the boundary line, her head raised as if she knew she was there. Mid high-five her eyes caught Leah’s and she froze. Leah stopped breathing as she watch Jordan’s eyes widen with… yearning. Her eyes reflected the emotions Leah felt. Jordan recovered her expression and looked at the substitute, dropping her hands. As she stepped off the field, she let herself look back up with wonder. She could see the happiness in her eyes that she was there. Leah gave her a smile and a wave. Jordan didn’t wave back, but she did smile shyly as she ducked onto the bench where she could no longer see her.

Only then, could Leah breathe again. YFN was right. That surprised expression from Jordan had showed her everything. She wanted her, just as much as Leah did. She breathed a deep breath out and the built up anxiety disappeared with it. She should have never been worried. She knew Jordan.

The game ended 1-2 to Everton, and Leah stood in the stands until the girls disappeared into the tunnel. Jordan had looked up again only once… fleetingly, but Leah had seen it. She grinned to herself at that as she made her way outside to her car. She was hindered a few times by fans and autographs but by the time she stepped foot outside, her phone buzzed. She excitedly grabbed at it, assuming it was Jordan, but it wasn’t. She stopped at her car and looked down disappointedly at the notification on her phone.

“You’re here?” Came a slightly out of breath voice behind her.

She spun around to see Jordan standing all rugged up in her puffer jacket, her nose red and her legs looking freezing where they weren’t covered.

“I… came to see you play.”

Half of Jordan’s face was hidden beneath her collar, and Leah couldn’t tell if she was upset.

“Did I overste-”

She was interrupted by Jordan’s body meeting hers, her head finding her shoulder, forehead pressing against her neck. Jordan’s hands slid around Leah’s body inside her coat to keep warm. Jord. Leah’s arms were moving around her before she even told them to, holding her close and keeping her warm. It felt right to let them stay in their silence for a while until Jordan was ready.

“Thank you for coming to watch my game.”

She let her head lean against Jordan’s. “Of course I came. You pencilled in a hug, remember? I didn’t want you to drive so far after your game.”

She let out a grateful sigh and pressed herself further into Leah. “Thank you, Lea. I’m really tired.”

“Would you like to reschedule?”

A few fans must have spotted them then and Leah saw them getting excited and start to run over from the stadium.

“No!” She stressed and pulled back. “No… we can still-”

“-did you drive?” Leah cut off.

“One of the girls drove me…” She responded, unsure about Leah’s change of pace.

“Do you have all of your things?” She asked, gesturing to her backpack.

“Yeah.. I mean I think so-”

Leah took her bag off and opened her passenger door. Jordan hesitated, still unsure about Leah’s impatience. Leah saw her hesitating and softened. “Let me drive you home please, Jord.”

Jordan’s eyes wandered over Leah’s face before she nodded and slipped into the car. As quickly as she could, Leah placed her backpack in the back seat and jumped in the driver’s seat as the mob of fans were almost on top of them. She saw Jordan’s eyes widen in realisation as Leah started the car and put some distance between them.

Most of the time, she’d be open and welcoming and go out of her way for the fans. Tonight, she just wanted to protect Jordan from that. She just wanted to get her home into where she knew she’d be warm and comfortable and could sleep.

Leah stopped the car abruptly at the exit of the car park.

“Lea?”

“I…” She turned to Jordan. “I don’t know where you live…” she admitted. She hated not knowing that.

Jordan gave her a supportive smile and leant forward towards Leah’s phone mounted to the dash. She paused, looking for permission first, but Leah wasn’t worried at all. She had nothing to hide from Jordan, ever, and she showed that by looking at her with patience. Jordan hid a smile as she typed her address into Leah’s phone and soon enough, they were on their way.

“Do you want to have dinner?”

“Are you sure you’re not too tired?”

“I’d like dinner with you…”

Leah smiled as she drove. She dared not look at her, but knew Jordan was watching her. She wanted to have dinner with her.

“We can do that, Jord. Whatever you want.”

“And maybe we can watch the Lord of the Rings?”

“I thought it scared you?”

“Well, yeah, but you like it.”

It also meant they had more time together, as they’d barely gotten through any of it that last time they were alone. She also liked the idea of Jordan hiding behind her at the scary parts. “You’re okay to stay up late?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s only gone seven. It’ll be done by eleven.”

Leah frowned. “I’m confused… you want to go out for dinner?”

“God no, I think we should order in.”

“We only had an hour and a half left, Jord.”

“Well, yeah, but I figured we could start at the beginning because I forgot what happened.”

Leah chuckled. It wasn’t beyond Jordan to forget, but as she snuck a look at her, she looked more like it was a sneaky excuse for more time together. “We can do that. I don’t mind a late drive.”

“You can stay… I can take the couch.”

Jordan’s obvious willingness to spend time with Leah softened her. She hadn’t felt so happy in a long, long time. Over a year, when she and Jordan were previously together.

“YFN offered me her bed on the condition that you let me stay…”

Jordan laughed. “Of course she did. You can take her bed then, we don’t want you driving home so late. Did she say anything else?”

“I just have a few things to pick up for her… clothes and what-not.”

“She said she wants to stick around London while she’s healing,” she nodded. “I’ll help you pack her stuff up.”

“Thanks Jord.”

There were a few minutes of silence then as Leah went into her own headspace, her face falling into its natural grumpy look as she did so. Jordan noticed.

“What are you thinking?”

Leah considered brushing her off, but she knew better now. “I have something to tell you but I don’t want it to ruin the night. You just need to know.”

“Okay…”

“The video is handled.”

She waited for questions, for emotion, but there was none. She replied after a few seconds of thought. “Okay, Lea.”

Lea pulled into the driveway and put the car in park, turning to look at her. “Okay?”

Jordan nodded and gave her a little smile. “Okay, Lea. I trust you.”

“Okay…” she replied huskily and reached into the back seat. “This is for Blu,” she said as she handed her the toy. She reached back again. “And these are for you.”

Jordan took the flowers with an excited expression. “Thanks, they’re pretty. And you can give this to him if you want… I think he’s going to be excited to see you.”

She handed the toy back to Leah.

Blu was all over her when they entered the apartment. She chuckled and gave him love and pats before his attention turned to Jordan. Leah couldn’t help but look around her and take in the place Jordan now called home. It suited her. She recognised all of the photos and little trinkets she had around, and the smell was even the same with the incense she liked to burn. And it was warm… Jordan warm.

They ordered take-away and Leah played with Blu while Jordan showered and changed. As they waited for their food, they found a vase for the flowers and packed the few clothes and items YFN needed in London. They chatted, laughed, and caught up with the recent activities in each other’s lives. Jordan shared her frustrations about her game and Leah cheered her up with photos YFN had sent her of the chaos at her and Lucy’s apartment. It felt so normal. She was happy for them to be talking again, and their recent silent dates together had developed a sense of calm and comfort in those silent moments between them.

The food arrived and they settled onto the couch with blankets and began the movie. Jordan let Leah set Blu up in his little bed in front of them and he fell asleep quickly. He was always a big sleeper, tired from walking around on those little legs all day, Leah imagined with a chuckle at the thought. There were sat close enough that their arms were partially against each other and Leah relished the moments where Jordan had to pause eating to hide her head behind her shoulder at the scenes that scared her. Jordan finished eating first, obviously, as she was so tiny she barely ate anything and the next time she came up from her hiding place behind Leah, her head stayed on her shoulder, her hand gently holding her arm. Leah let her rest in that spot, trying to keep her movements small as she ate with her left hand. After only a few minutes, though, she felt uncomfortable. She put her food down on the coffee table and sat back again, Jordan laying back down on the spot she’d claimed. Leah lasted another ten minutes until she wriggled uncomfortably, unable to keep still.

Jordan lifted her head. “Are you okay, Lea?”

“I…” she paused and pulled herself in check. Honesty always. “It’s just the cramps. They’re bad today.”

“Your endo?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. The drive had been bad enough.

Another cramp seized her and she squeezed her eyes shut and shuddered in pain.

“Did you bring your medication?”

“It’s in my bag,” she groaned.

“Stay here.” Jordan said as she stood, pausing their movie and taking the food to the kitchen. She returned quickly and leant over the couch, giving her a glass of water and her painkillers.

“Thanks, Jord.”

“Is it your lower back too?”

She nodded as she swallowed the pills, angry at herself for again ruining a night with Jordan.

She disappeared again and Leah heard the microwave, and the fridge doors.

“Do you need help?”

“I’m fine, just putting the food away. Give me a minute.”

The microwave finished and Leah heard the door opening and Jordan padding back over with two heat packs. Her mouth parted in awe as she looked up into her eyes. Jordan was taking care of her.

“Lay down, Lea.” She said as she guided her down, pulling a pillow under her head. Leah did as she was told, letting herself be looked after by her. Jordan gently put her on her side facing the tv, and placed a heat pack on her lower abdomen, and her lower back, tucking them into the waistband of her pants and pulling her shirt back down.

“Feel better?”

Leah couldn’t speak, so she just nodded.

“Do you need anything else?”

She was about to shake her head when she stopped herself and instead tugged lightly on Jordan who smiled. She took the remote and pressed play, slipping behind Leah, under the blanket. She pulled another pillow over so her head was higher and hesitantly, her hand found her abdomen which she tenderly rubbed in circles above her shirt. They’d done this so many times over the years, but this time it felt more personal, and even more special.

“Can you see the tv?” She murmured, relishing the feel of a warm Jordan pressed up against her back, her arm slung over her.

“Yeah.”

Leah inhaled sharply again at another cramp. Jordan paused her circling to hold pressure against the heat bag over her lower abdomen. That always helped.

“Why didn’t you cancel?”

“I told you I won’t make another mistake.”

She’d thought back to the promise she’d left her in a note, ‘…that was the last fault I’ll make…. no more mistakes…’

Jordan was silent for a moment as she thought about that. Her hand began circling her abdomen again reassuringly. “How do you feel?”

“Comfy.” Leah responded, proud of her little inside joke as she felt and heard Jordan chuckle behind her.

And then she felt Jordan’s lips touch the nape of her neck and linger, pouring affection and reassurance into her. Leah leant back into the kiss and felt that feeling she’d been missing for so long.

She felt like she was home.

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗶'𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗲

paring: amy march x fem!reader

tag(s): fluffy angst (if you know what i mean lol), period piece, i love amy so much, sister's best friend (from amy's pov), wlw couple, beth and amy are the best, i love them so much

warning(s): internal homophobia (i guess), grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 1.8k

note: this is kinda like a surprise fic, or at least I hope so lol. I've been thinking about Amy a lot lately and I somehow came up with this fic. It's kinda based on that line from 'girls' by Girl in red ("They're so pretty it hurts | I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking about girls"). I really hope you all like some Amy content. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistake. Lot of love, M <3

requests are open! + check my rules here + masterlist <3

Amy's brows were furrowed, deep in concentration, as the pencil in between her fingers traced the shape of a familiar soft pair of eyes. 

"Hello, dear Amy," she heard your voice before receiving a quick kiss to her cheek. 

"Good morning, Y/n," she said, carefully hiding her drawing from your prying eyes, which didn't go unnoticed by you. 

"What do you have there?" you asked her, raising your brow. 

"I, um, nothing. Well, at least not yet," Amy quickly mumbled, but you had already caught up on her lie. 

"If it is nothing, why are you hiding it from me?" you squinted your eyes at her. 

"Y/n? Is that you?" you heard your best friend, Beth, said, walking down the stairs. "Yes, I knew I had heard you. Shall we go?" 

"Yes, we shall," you said, making your way toward Beth. "This is not over, Ms March. I will come back and I will have answers," you playfully muttered to the blond girl before leaving with the red head. 

Once she made sure you had walked out the door, Amy felt like she could properly breathe again. There it was again, that funny feeling in her tummy she always felt whenever you were around her, whenever you just looked at her way, whenever you complimented her drawings, whenever you made her laugh.

She didn't know what it meant, she had never felt that way before. You were her sister's dearest friend, Amy practically knew you from your whole life, you were always around. But ever since the last couple of months it all felt different. It didn't feel right to call you a friend anymore, friend was like a short word for all the feelings you caused inside her. 

She got back to her drawing, well, your drawing since she was actually drawing you. As the pencil traced the shape of your lips she found herself staring at the paper more than she would like to admit. She blinked, realising how wrong it was. You were a girl, for god’s sake. And not just any girl but her friend, her sister's friend. She shook her head trying to clear up her mind. 

“Amy, is everything okay?” Marmee asked her. 

“What?” Amy said, confused. “Oh, yes, yes. I’m fine, Marmee. I just think I need some air, that’s all,” the blonde smiled at her.

So she went out on a walk, to clear her mind. But she could not do that, you plagued her mind enabling her to think about anything else. Your soft kind eyes, your perfect lips, your loud laugh, your bright smile. And she realised that it was not normal for her to feel that way, that it was wrong and sick and twisted. But she couldn't help herself, not when it came to your warm-hearted soul. 

[...]

“Beth? Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure,” the redhead nodded to her sister, moving to the side to let Amy sit next to her on the divan. 

“I have a confession to make,” Amy breathed in, not actually believing she was about to tell her sister her truth. 

Beth sat up straight, showing her sister she was listening carefully, “I think I know where this is going…” she muttered. 

“You do?” Amy worrily asked as Beth could only nod. “...so pretty it hurts,” Amy said as she huffed, making Beth not understand the first part but it was all clear to her really. 

“Amy,” she kindly placed her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “I know you like Laurie, but you and I both know that he likes Jo,” she felt sorry for her sister, she didn’t deserve to love someone who didn’t love her back. 

“Laurie?” Amy’s brows furrowed. “I’m not talking about Laurie, I’m talking about Y/n.”

“Oh,” she said. “Oh,” she repeated herself as the words sank deep into her brain. 

“I know, it’s wrong, is it not? Y/n, of all people,” Amy sobbed. “A girl, Beth. How can I like a girl? It’s not possible, it’s not natural, it isn’t right,” tears were running down her cheeks. “It’s making me sick you know, everytime I look at her my stomach feels all weird,” she sniffed, and realised her sister hadn’t said a word. “You really think I’m sick, don’t you?” Amy cried. 

“No, no, no, Amy,” Beth was fast to comfort her as she was done processing what her sister had just told her. “You’re not sick Amy,” she said as she wiped away Amy’s tears. “Loving someone can never mean you are sick. That’s what it means, you know?” she wrapped her arms around her sister, afraid she would break into a million pieces. “That funny weird feeling on your stomach means that you love her. You love Y/n, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” she caressed her hair, offering the blonde some comfort. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

The room went quiet as Beth’s words linger around Amy’s mind. She was not sick, she was in love. She smiled to herself, she was in love. 

“I can’t confirm nor deny, but I think she feels the same for you.”

“What?” Amy said, turning her head to Beth.

“She didn’t say anything, but I know her, I can tell,” Beth smiled as Amy’s eyes seemed to brighten up. “She’s constantly asking about you, it tends to be annoying really.”

“Well, I’m your sister. Maybe  she feels obliged to know about your family.”

“But it’s different. She always compliments your drawings, even when you’re not around. She smiles everytime I talk about you, that doesn’t happen when I talk about Meg or Jo,” Beth clarified. “She just nods when I talk about Jo’s stories, but when I tell her about you, her eyes light up and she can’t stop smiling.”

“Maybe because she’s so kind.”

“Or maybe because she’s in love with you, Amy,” Beth chucked. “I see the way she’s around you. She always finds an excuse to be next to you or for her hands to reach out for you.”

“Beth, I… I don’t think—.”

“Fine, then I’ll ask her myself.”

“What?!” Amy sat up straight. “No, you won’t. I forbid it.”

Beth raised her arms in surrender, a smile forming on her lips. “Alright, I won’t,” Amy squinted her eyes at her. “I won’t,” Beth repeated. “I won’t tell her anything about how you feel. I promise.”

And she did keep her promise, until you got in the way.

[...]

You were running as fast as your feet could carry you, the cold had been long forgotten since there was only one thing on your mind. More like someone.

Your loud and consistent knocking startled the four March woman.

“Y/n,” Marmee opened the door. Her face dropped as she realised you were there, banging at her door in the middle of the night, concern written all over your face and her daughter was nowhere to be seen. Her hand clutched at her chest, “Is everything alright? Did something happen to Beth?”

At the mention of her sister’s names the other three March women raised their heads, afraid that something had happened to their little sister. 

“No, I’m sorry,” you cursed yourself for being so careless, you probably had freaked them out. “She’s at home sleeping, she’s fine, I promise. I’m sorry, Marmee. I know it’s late, I shouldn’t have come I—,” you eyes took a look inside and landed on Amy’s. 

“It’s okay, dear. What’s the matter? Are you alright?” she placed a hand on your shoulder drawing your attention back to her. 

“Yes, I am. I just… Would it be okay if I talk to Amy?” Amy’s heart dropped, she feared the worst. “It’ll be quick, I promise.”

“Yes, of course, dear. Come on in,” Marmee warmly smiled at you, somehow reassuring you that everything would be okay. “Amy, there's someone here to see you. Let’s go girl,” she called out for Jo and Meg, who waved at you before leaving the room.

You scratched your neck, looking for the right words. “I, um, I—.”

“She told you, didn't she?” but Amy was quicker than you.

“Not quite. I sort of forced her to,” you admitted. “Please, don’t be mad at her, I—.”

“I’m not mad at her,” Amy scoffed. She sounded bitter, angry even. “I’m mad at myself. How could I let this happen?” and the tears she desperately had been holding back finally started to roll down her cheeks as she let herself fall on the divan.

“What do you mean?” you softly asked her as you took a seat next to her. 

“This is wrong and you know it,” she sobbed. “It’s not natural for a woman to feel like this towards another woman,” she whispered, too scared her family would hear how sick she was inside. “I know Beth said that it was fine, but it’s really not. I—.”

“It could never be wrong to love you, Amy,” you cut her off, letting out the words you have been holding back for years now.

“But Y/n—,” you stopped her once again. 

“I do not want to hear it, Amy. I love you,” you felt like a weight had been lifted up from your shoulder, you felt as if you were finally free to live your truth. “From the moment I saw you drawing that beautiful tree, I…,” you stepped closer, taking her hands in between yours. “I knew that it was you who I wanted, who I want and will want until my last breath on this earth.”

“But Y/n—.”

“Amy!” you wanted her to stop, you couldn’t handle her harsh words anymore, it almost felt like she had taken your heart out of your chest and you were wishing she wouldn’t tear it apart. “Do you love me?”

“I do,” she whispered, still she sounded unsure. She breathed, trying to get her heat beat at a normal pace, “I do,” this time she sounded more convinced of her own words. “I do love you, Y/n,” she repeated herself once more, just to assure the both of you that she really did mean it. 

You finally felt like you could breathe properly and you felt your heart beating inside your chest once again, all it one piece. 

“Good,” you said with a smile on your face before crashing your lips into hers in a much needed kiss. 

Her lips felt exactly how you had imagined they would but still they had that spark of being new to your touch. Her lips were soft and warm, and moved perfectly in sync with yours, as if Amy herself had also imagined this exact moment over and over again and knew exactly what to do. As you slowly pushed your tongue past her lips, a moan escaped from her mouth. She quickly pulled back as soon as she had heard herself. 

“Marmee and my sisters are in the next room,” she whispered to you as she leaned her forehead against yours. 

“I guess we’ll have to reschedule,” you joked, as your nose brushed against hers. 

“I guess so,” she smiled at you pecking your lips one more time.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[bolly--quinn]

I’m so curious about your headcanons of Diane, personality, her history with Rick, etc.

tbh I’ve been seeing content of Diane being “a sweet and gentle bimbo housewife with 2 braincells” and I grew tired of it…. So I thought of this!! For me I like to think that she was a cool and badass woman rather than a shy, timid woman… I also think it’s somewhat canon (according to the fandom) that she’s the breadwinner of the family (haven’t figured out her job yet) while Rick is a stay-at-home parent and takes care of Beth, also she’s intelligent!!! Not as smart as Rick though but like she’s not airhead.

What do you think ?? and what are your thoughts on Diane ? <3

I mean I knew Diane wasn't gonna be an airhead since we know Rick is attracted to power lol (like Unity says it's planning to become the universe, practically a god and Rick is like super into it so obviously Diane has to have some semblance of ambition and the ability to take charge lmao)

I'll be honest though I didn't love her depiction in Fear no mort (obvious reasons are obvious) but I did always picture her as a woman who could handle herself and is sarcastic and teasing (affectionately) and strong-willed

I actually wrote stuff in my notes app about their dynamic and made this little venn diagram about it

bonus: here's the personality traits that I think Beth gets from them

[elderberries-and-honey]

Despite having fallen on hard times, Winifred took it upon herself to host a party on Christmas Eve with all their loved ones. Back in the workhouse, they were lucky to afford anything better than porridge for dinner. But now that she had a family of her own she was determined to make it special.

Millie, Beth and Louise could not allow her to do all the cooking alone so they each put on their aprons and happily got to work beside her. They spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen preparing for the dinner, sounds of laughter heard above whisks mixing doughs and icing frantically inside porcelain bowls.

Valerie began helping herself to the wine intended for cooking early on in the day, already causing her to become a little tipsy before they'd even put the ham in the oven. Beth of course was the first one to scold her, but with Ozzy nearby, she wouldn't raise her voice. Instead, she put her hands on her hips with disproving eyes and a scowl of disappointment. It was moments like these where Winifred couldn't help thinking that Beth truly was meant to be someone's mother.

Ozzy remained close while the women worked. He wasn't a shy child by any means and soaked up all the attention he got from everyone telling him how adorable his Christmas outfit was.

At last, nearing the hour of 7 o'clock, with everyone gathered round the table wearing their finest silks, all of their hard work would be enjoyed by all.

They set up the dining table with everything they had prepared - cranberry sauce, a charcuterie board with aged cheese and sausage, potatoes grown right on the Baudelaire's farm, delicious cookies and pies for dessert, warm spiced rum and hot cocoa to drink, and best of all, a perfectly cooked ham that was from a frequent patron of the pub that had been gifted to the McAdam's.

Everyone treasured the food, knowing full well that their meal wouldn't be anywhere near as extravagant without Millie's expertise, which they all took turns admiring. Between the spiced rum, and the thrill of Christmas only hours away, they chatted excitedly between bites throughout the entirety of dinner.

Everyone went back for seconds, some even going for thirds until all of them, even the picky eaters, left the table with their bellies full.

No one could afford to give that many presents this year but not a soul amongst them seemed to mind. They each were completely content to simply enjoy each others company. Even the children, who were eager all the same to receive their new mittens and perfectly ripe oranges. Besides, they both were still too small to actually understand that they hadn't gotten much compared to others.

Lawrence had received new cotton fabric to sew himself up new work shirts and Winifred a plethora of new ink wells and paper from the McAdams. All of them received something hand-knitted from Beth, and from Millie, beautiful cross-stich embroideries to hang in their homes.

It was a terrific haul, and certainly more than anyone could ask for all things considered. However, the most surprising of all was Lawrence's gift to Winifred - two tickets to the theater come Spring - which had, of course, been suggested by Marmee.

After all the gifts had been opened, the night carried on late into the evening. Lawrence even brought out the old music box he had been gifted for Christmas nearly two decades prior and Jackson and Louise began dancing around the living room elegantly. However, drunk on rum and holiday cheer, Lawrence insisted that he and Valerie could do better.

He and Valerie were clumsy, tromping all over the others feet and losing their place in the steps to the dance. All in good fun, Millie and Winifred began cackling as they watched them, unable to contain how humorous it was to watch, while Beth dramatically hung her head in shame.

The children began to grow rather fussy, both Ozzy and Nellie awake far past their bedtimes, and the festivities had to come to an end eventually.

Winifred and Lawrence stood in the doorway, thanking their guests for coming and helping in the kitchen, as well as all their delightful new gifts. Winifred and Lawrence watched them go until they could no longer see their silhouettes in the dark, both ignoring the cold until they could no longer stand it.

The night had been exactly what they needed to forget their worries even if it couldn't last forever. While drifting off to sleep that night, everyone would reflect on what a wonderful Christmas it was, contented to have spent it together.

next / previous / first

[toboldlygohome]

"Please..."

Mark Watney X Reader

Summary: Nothing could have prepared you for the pain of losing your boyfriend on Sol 6. But you were even less prepared to find out that he didn't die. You left him there. Alone.

Character(s): Mark Watney, Beth Johanssen, Chris Beck, Melissa Lewis, Alex Vogel, Rick Martinez.

Warning(s): Descriptions of grief, Mentions of death, Cursing (lots of it), Mildly sexual themes (nothing explicit), Mentions of malnourishment.

A/N: I absolutely adore The Martian, but I've noticed a criminally low amount of fan content for it, so I decided to make some! I've decided to follow more closely to the book plot rather than the movie (Just because I like the dialogue more and it's more scientifically accurate). However, there will be a couple scenes from the movie sprinkled in just because I thought they were fun. I hope you enjoy!

It was the morning of Sol 6 and you were up early to make some coffee before your EVA mission. The past few days on Mars had been busy, but far more rewarding than you could have ever imagined. You were one of the geologists in the Ares 3 crew, along with Commander Lewis of course. Mars, to you, was a playground of science. A giant sphere of discovery you couldn't wait to explore.

Today's EVA was to gather samples from near the hab. You had seen plenty of rocks on the way in that you needed to overturn almost as much as you needed oxygen to breathe.

You sensed a hand on the small of your back and felt goosebumps trail up your spine. "Morning Y/L/N. Anything to report?" A playful voice proclaimed.

"Other than bland coffee and terrible sleep, nothing of interest~" You turned back and smiled at your boyfriend. He brushed his thumb over a patch of exposed skin on your lower back before pulling his hand away.

"Hey, at least you don't have to sleep under Martinez, bastard was tossing and turning all night." He smirked as he made his own cup. "I'm barely getting by, the only thing keeping me grounded is this bland ass coffee."

You snickered and rolled your eyes. "Poor baby," You teased.

You and Mark Watney had been together for almost three years, in secret of course. NASA isn't exactly fond of sending couples into space where they might throw caution to the wind and procreate in transit. You were professionals, this mission was something you both had been looking forward to since it was announced. But that wouldn't stop the Space Administration from removing you both from Ares 3.

Nobody knew you were together. Not NASA, not your families, not even the crew knew of your relationship. As far as anyone was concerned, you were just great friends (inseparable in fact). You went out for dinners, went on morning jogs together, spent late nights gaming and going over the mission handbook. Everyone knew you confided in one another and worked incredibly as a team. But nobody would have guessed that instead of playing Yahtzee together on your evenings off, Mark was slowly and deliciously making you breathless with his lips, melting you with his touch.

Once the mission actually started, it was much harder than anticipated to cut out the physical affection. There were cameras everywhere on the ship and absolutely no way to hide from them. The only place for privacy was the bathrooms, but you had a rather close call that involved Mark dragging you there under the guise of helping him with his laptop (which obviously earned an eyebrow raise from Johanssen,) only for him to kiss you with the desperation of a man dying of thirst. You were nearly caught by Beck and you both decided not to risk it again. Luckily, you and Watney were a couple of problem solvers.

Instead of kisses, you resorted to touching. A hand on the back, an arm on the shoulder, a nudge of the elbow. Casual touch became your replacement for intimacy.

Mark pulled a smug smile and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "You know what Y/N, I am a poor baby. But I can think of something that would make me feel better..." He whispered close to your ear. You flushed and playfully shoved him back.

"In your dreams Watney." You scoffed but your hand lingered on his stomach, earning a cheeky grin from the botanist.

"How'd you know?" He laughed, glancing down at your lips briefly. You knew what he was thinking: that it had been awhile and maybe he could risk just a little peck. Mark was a reckless one, that's for sure.

"Guys, quit flirting so loudly. I was trying to get a few minutes extra sleep before Lewis pulls out the bugle," Beck strolled in and grabbed a ration packet.

"Flirting? With him?" You asked incredulously, jabbing your thumb toward Mark.

"And vice versa," Beck shrugged.

"You must be seeing things, maybe we should call a doctor?" Watney sassily took a sip of his drink.

"Hilarious," Beck replied. Chris had been fighting for you and Mark to get together for about as long as you've known him (which is a decent number of years, in case you were wondering.) Little did he know you had already jumped that fence. You felt bad for keeping it from him, but you were sure he'd understand given his thing with Johanssen.

"Oh good, you guys are already up." Lewis sighed "hey, can one of you wake up Martinez? He's not listening to a single word I say."

You gave Watney a sidelong glance. He groaned and downed the rest of his terrible space coffee. "Yeah sure, I can go get the bastard. I'll give him a piece of my mind while I'm at it." Mark stomped off to the bunks and Lewis followed him. You casually sat beside Beck, who gave you a knowing smile.

"You know Chris, it would probably happen on its own if you didn't push it so much." You mumbled against the rim of your cup in an attempt to hide a smile.

"It's obvious he likes you too. Practically written all over his face," Beck said. "Honestly though, you two don't even realize when you're flirting. It's kind of incredible."

You huffed, "Now's not the best time for all that, you know."

"I know, I know. Just, keep it on the table okay?"

"Whatever you say Dr. Beck," You snickered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an EVA to prep for."

Chris rolled his eyes and poked at the food on his plate, "you're excused."

~~~

"Alright team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today." Lewis announced.

"How's it looking over there Watney?" Martinez asked.

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that in grid section 14/28, the particles are predominantly coarse. But in 29 they're uh... much finer. That should be ideal for chem analysis."

"Oh wow! did everyone hear that? Mark just discovered dirt! Should we alert the media?" Martinez teased. Mark glanced up at you, but you couldn't see his face behind the helmet.

"Hey, you better watch it fly boy. I'm working this grid too!" You laughed.

"Sorry, what are you doing today Martinez? Making sure the MAV is still upright?" You could hear the smirk in Mark's voice.

"Well, I'd like you to know that visual inspection of the equipment is imperative to mission success," Rick preached. "I'd also like to report that the MAV is still upright."

You and Mark giggled as you worked on the grid. "Watney, you're keeping your channel open, which leads to Martinez responding, which leads to all of us listening, which leads to me being annoyed," Lewis scolded halfheartedly.

"Roger that, Martinez the captain would like you to please uh," Mark looked at you for approval and continued. "Shut your smart mouth."

Rick cackled and you playfully nudged Mark on the shoulder.

"We'd prefer you use a different adjective to describe Martinez's mouth." Beck said from inside the Hab, resulting in even more laughter from the rest of the crew.

"Did Beck just insult me?!"

"Dr. Beck and yes!"

"I'm happy to turn the radios off from here commander. Just say the word." Johanssen suggested.

"Johanssen, constant communication is the hallmark-" Watney started.

"Shut him off" Melissa gave the order.

"No-" Johanssen cut him off. Mark tossed his little hammer in the dirt and looked back at the captain like she had just kicked a kitten. You patted the shoulder of his suit and urged him to get back to work.

"I'm sorry for my countrymen, Vogel." Lewis said.

"Accepted," Vogel shrugged and glanced up at the sky. "The storm... It's closer than Houston reported."

"We've got time," Lewis said. "Focus on the task at hand. This EVA's all about chemical analysis. Vogel, you're the chemist so you're in charge of what we dig up."

"Ja, Please dig thirty centimeters and get soil samples. At least one hundred grams each. Very important is thirty centimeters down." Vogel clarified, eyes back on his work.

"Will do, stay within a hundred meters of the Hab," Lewis said.

You worked in peace and quiet for a few minutes. You measured the grid while Mark hammered the grid labels. You could hardly wait to take samples. Mark was right, it was perfect for chem analysis. Unfortunately, your work was short-lived because Johanssen had some bad news.

"Commander, you should come inside. You're gonna want to see this."

"What is it?" Lewis asked.

"Houston has upgraded the storm to 'severe.' It's going to be here in fifteen minutes." Johanssen said.

You perked your head up to get a look at the sky. Already it was getting darker.

"Martinez, how's it looking?" Asked commander Lewis.

"Not good." He said.

After a moment of contemplation, Lewis made her decision. "Back to base."

~~~

The Hab shook and the sound of wind and debris outside only exacerbated the tension within. Lewis commanded everyone to put on their flight suits and you congregated around the screen, wondering if this was the end of your mission.

"Sustained winds over one hundred kilometers per hour now. Gusting to one twenty-five," Johanssen frowned.

"Jesus, we're gonna end up in Oz," Watney said. "What's the abort speed?"

"One fifty kilometers per hour, anymore than that and the MAV's in danger of tipping." Martinez placed his hands on his hips.

"Any predictions on the storm track?" Lewis asked.

"This is the edge of it... It's gonna get worse before it gets better." Johanssen delivered the bad news with confidence. Silence fell over the group and you grabbed Mark's hand. You wished you could feel the warmth, but the gloves on the flight suit acted as a barrier. Watney met your sorrowful eyes. You'd have to end the mission before it even started. He let go of your hand and pressed you into his side. It was over. 25 sols early. You leaned your head against his shoulder and willed the grief to subside.

"Alright, prep for abort. We'll go to the MAV and hope for the best. If the wind gets too high, we launch." Lewis grabbed her helmet.

~~~

Outside the Hab, the wind was disastrous. Mark was nearly swept off his feet by the force of the gusts. He slammed into you, but you managed to keep him on his feet.

"Shit! Thanks." Watney regained his balance.

"Visibility is almost zero. If you get lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry! The wind's gonna be rougher away from the Hab, so be ready!" Lewis warned.

The Ares crew stumbled toward the MAV with ever increasing uncertainty. You had to lean into the wind to avoid being thrown backward. Mark wasn't doing much better. It didn't help that his mind wasn't on getting to the MAV safely, it was on how to keep it upright. Watney was smart, too smart for his own good.

"Hey," Watney panted. "Maybe we could shore up the MAV. Make tipping less likely."

"How?" Lewis Huffed.

"We could use cables from the solar farm as guylines. The rovers could be anchors. The trick would be getting the line around the-"

You choked on your scream as Mark was struck by a massive piece of wreckage, sending him off into the disorienting mist of dust and wind.

"MARK!" You screamed and tried to stumble after him, but you could barely see an inch in front of your helmet.

"What happened?" Lewis said.

"Something hit him!" Johanssen said shakily.

"Watney report..." Lewis said. You listened hard and prayed he'd answer. "Watney, report!" Nothing.

"He's offline, I don't know where he is." Johanssen reported as calmly as she could. You bit back a whimper as you shuffled forward.

"Commander, before we lost telemetry, his decompression alarm went off!" Beck said.

"Shit! Y/L/N, where did you last see him?" Lewis asked.

"H-he was right in front of me and then he was gone," you managed. "He flew off due west" You pointed.

"Okay, Martinez, get to the MAV and prep for launch. Everyone else, home in on Johanssen."

"Dr. Beck, how long can a person survive decompression?" Vogel asked.

"Less than a minute." Beck looked back at you. You could hear the pain in his voice. No. Mark couldn't be... He was just beside you a moment ago.

"Commander, the MAV's got a seven degree tilt. It'll tip at 12.3."

"Copy that."

He's alive, he can't be dead!

"Johanssen, Watney's bio-monitor sent something before going offline. My computer just says 'Bad Packet,'" Beck said.

"Give me a sec," Johanssen said.

"Commander, message from Houston. We're officially scrubbed. The storm's definitely too rough."

"Copy."

"Beck, I have the raw packet!" Johanssen said, "It's plaintext: BP 0, PR 0, TP 36.2. That's as far as I got."

Beck sighed and shook his head. "Blood pressure zero, pulse rate zero, temperature normal..."

Your chest tightened and your eyes burned. "Temperature normal?" You asked hopefully.

"It takes a while for the-" Beck swallowed. "It takes awhile to cool."

"Commander, tilting at 10.5 degrees now, with gusts pushing it to 11." Martinez reported.

"Copy, if it tips, launch."

"What about you commander?"

"I'm going to search a little more."

"You really think I'll leave you behind?" Martinez asked.

"I just ordered you to. You four, get to the ship." Lewis replied.

"Let me help search commander, we'll find him faster if we-" Lewis cut you off.

"That's an order, Y/L/N. Go."

Beck nudged you forward. You reluctantly allowed him to.

"Johanssen, would the rover IR camera do any good?"

"Negative. IR can't get through sand any better than visible light."

"What about the proximity radar? Could it detect Watney's suit?"

"No way. It's made to see Hermes, not the metal in a single space suit."

"Give it a try," Lewis ordered.

"Commander, I know you don't want to hear this... but Wat-... Mark's dead." Beck said.

No.

No.

Please...

Everything around you was a blur. You went through the motions from training. Strapping yourself in, readying your station, waiting for launch. You couldn't look at the empty seat beside you. You couldn't think about anything but your job right now, If you allowed your thoughts to that dark place, you'd have to be dragged along by the rest of the crew.

You couldn't do that to them. Not now.

Lewis returned to the ship and strapped herself in. "Still at pilot-release," Martinez said softly. "Ready for launch."

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry Commander, you need to verbally-"

"Launch."

You felt the bone-crushing power of ascent. The g's did nothing but forcefully push the tears from your eyes.

You wish it would have been you.

~~~

Mark Watney closed out of the mission log application and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes. He couldn't fathom the hopelessness he was feeling, it was too deep to swim out of. What else was there to do but sit and wait to die? Maybe it would be easier to just go into the airlock and open the doors!

Watney turned his head to a picture of you on the wall behind the computer. It was there among other pictures of the crew and their families. You were standing with your brother in front of one of those rickety wooden roller coasters at Six Flags. He felt a painful twinge in his chest. You thought he was dead and there was no way to tell you otherwise.

He was completely alone, had the whole goddamned planet to himself. Mark rubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck..." he said. "Fuck!" he pulled at the hair on his head before looking up at the picture again. He wished he would have kissed you. He wanted to that morning when you were sharing coffee. He should have said he loved you. Mark hadn't said it in so long.

He knew you like the back of his hand. You were blaming yourself. Everyone in the crew was probably doing the same. He could barely stomach the thought.

Mark grabbed the picture from the wall and shuffled to the bunks. He was so tired and in a lot of pain from the stupid antenna. He was about to settle into his bed, when his eyes landed on yours. After a moment of deliberation, he hobbled into your bunk and pulled the covers up to his chin. It still smelled like you. He buried his face into your pillow and cried.

~~~

You sat in the dining area in the Hermes, watching as the windows slowly spun around. It had been about a week since the incident and you weren't sure you had any more tears left to cry. You did your best to keep on task during your waking hours, only allowing yourself to feel when everyone else was either asleep or taking the piloting shift.

Your fingers drummed lightly against the table, mingling with the beeps, boops, groans, and hums of the ship keeping you safe from the unforgiving vacuum of space. You thought about a lot of things. About Mark, his parents, the house he wanted so badly to buy, his favorite music, his plants growing in the botany lab... The one thing you didn't want to think about was his body, how it would be buried by sand and dust within the year, how Mars would never let it decay. You tried not to think about how if you had just reached for him, maybe he'd still be alive.

"Y/N?" A familiar German accent spoke. You tensed and dared a glance back at Vogel.

"Hey, what's up?" You plastered a grin on your face.

"I have noticed you've not been sleeping. You are... Okay?" He asked, lumbering closer. He was clearly very tired and you felt terrible he was here worrying about you instead of getting some much deserved rest.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm okay Alex, just... Can't sleep." You sighed.

"Have you spoken to doctor Beck? I am sure we have sleep medication on board."

"Oh I know... I just don't really want to bother him, you know? I mean, we're all going through it right now..." You shifted under his gaze.

"You are having bad dreams," Vogel stated. "You're afraid if you sleep, they will come back."

"How could you tell?" You peeked tiredly up at him.

"My little monkeys... before I left, some of them had bad dreams. A father can always tell." He sat down beside you at the table.

You felt your eyes burning again. You hadn't dared ask for comfort from your crew mates, not even Chris. Now that you were receiving it, you wished you had asked for it long ago. There was a hellish cocktail of emotions running through you: relief, sadness, safety, longing, despair. You were so relieved that Alex was here. You were sad to think about how deeply his loved ones must be missing him. You thought about what Alex said about his "little monkeys." Mark would have made a great father if he'd only had the chance.

"You love him. Very much," Vogel said.

"I did..." You whispered.

"You do." Alex grabbed your hand and the tears poured from your eyes. "You do..."

"I do," You let out a choked sob. Vogel pulled you into a gentle hug.

"This pain of loss we feel... It will never go away. But it will get easier to live with as time goes by. This, I promise is true."

"Thank you Alex." You whispered.

"You're welcome..." He patted your back and pulled away. "Now, shall we try some rest?"

"I'll try," you put on a brave face.

"And- what is it?-" He thought aloud. "When first you don't succeed-"

"Try try again," You said with a sad smile. "Words to live by."

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 23

So, I'm still brain storming the whole, "Mark Watney can only really make his potato farm last 90 days," problem. Can't say It's going too well. I'm surrounded by the stench of my own shit. Kinda distracting.

I've made the executive decision to take a long overdue break out in the rover. Sure, logically I know I should probably utilize every spare second on planning my survival right down to the last drop of water, but riddle me this: just who is gonna stop me? Not NASA, that's for sure.

It's funny. I came into the rover to escape the rancid poop smell, but it seems to have followed me. Turns out, I was the poop smell all along! If Y/N were here, they would have forcibly shoved into the shower. They'd say something like... "Don't even think about touching me until you smell like ocean breeze!" (What does ocean breeze even smell like? How do you smell a breeze?...)There are few things in life Y/N hates more than stink. Me being on Mars is probably one of them.

What I would give to see you right now. Even just a dream would be nice, but I guess that's asking too much.

I miss my parents a lot. Maybe that's an understatement. I haven't really let myself think about it, but sitting here in this cramped rover really has my mind wandering. I really should have told them about Y/N. Maybe if things don't work out for me, they could confide in each other.

I don't have much else to say. The calculations aren't done and quite frankly, I'm depressed.

I'll probably scrub this log from the system, It's kind of a downer.

~~~

You had been doing better. Getting at least 6 hours of sleep a day was an accomplishment and you were eating your meals, but a certain date on the calendar was growing closer. You made yourself busier and busier, but no amount of work would keep this day from coming.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 62

On Earth it's January 8th, which is a very special day. Our anniversary! It's official, we've been together for three years! Yeah, yeah I hear you. These logs are for work purposes only, but I promise no one's gonna see this one. Not even you.

I think about that day a lot. It was freezing outside and snowing everywhere. I don't even remember why we walked to the cafe that day, but I'm thankful for it. You were holding your hot cup so tightly and your coat wasn't nearly thick enough for the weather. You were complaining that the snow came early and I laughed at you.

I think we both knew for a long time that this would happen. A year at least. We kept ourselves just at arms length, on the brink of lovers without ever crossing that line. We never discussed it before, but we knew once the mission was over, we'd do it. We'd take that step.

I had wanted to kiss you all day. Want isn't really the word for it. How about craved. Desired? Yearned~

I wrapped my coat around you and you complained again, said that I'd catch a cold and it would all be your fault. The way you looked at me... Still gives me chills when I think about it. It's like I'm still standing on that sidewalk, snowflakes landing on my nose.

I told you, "I can think of something that'll warm us both up..."

You said, "Then what are you waiting for?"

I was right of course. I always am. I just didn't expect you to be so... magnetizing! Like damn babe, you had me weak in the knees! (What am I, a Disney princess?)

I'll be back with you someday. It'll be your anniversary present from me. You're welcome in advance. XOXO - World's Handsomest Boyfriend.

-P.S. You left your deodorant in the Hab. I've been using it. Totally not creepy.

-P.P.S. Who's the stinky one now?

-P.P.P.S. You better be prepared, when I get off this wasteland of a planet, I'm making up for lost time. You aren't gonna be able to walk for AT LEAST a week.

-P.P.P.P.S. I was talking about CUDDLING you perv~

(or was I? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

~~~

This had to be one of the greatest days in Mark Watney's life.

Contact.

Sweet, sweet contact!

[11:18]JPL: Mark, This is Venkat Kapoor. We've been watching you since Sol 49. The whole world's been rooting for you. Amazing job, getting Pathfinder. We're working on rescue plans. JPL is adjusting Ares 4's MDV to do a short overland flight. They'll pick you up, then take you with them to Schiaparelli. We're putting together a supply mission to keep you fed until Ares 4 arrives.

Watney could hardly believe it! Everything was working! They had known he was alive since Sol 49! His eyes were brimming and his breathing came out in short gasps as he fought to control himself. He used to take messages for granted, now they're the only tether he has to humanity.

He's not alone anymore.

His hands shook as he wrote out his message.

[11:29]Watney: Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying. I want to make it clear it wasn't the crew's fault. What did they say when they found out I was alive?

Mark shifted in his seat. The reply was taking a bit longer than expected. He hadn't talked to anyone in so long. The thought of being so close, only to fail right in the beginning was terrifying. He wasn't sure he could survive that kind of disappointment.

[11:48]JPL: We haven't told the crew you're alive yet. We wanted them to focus on their own mission.

What. The. Fuck.

Mark covered his face with his hands and released a frustrated groan. "You've got to be shitting me!"

You didn't know. You didn't know he was alive.

"What the fuck? Wha... What the fuck?!" He took a shaky breath and wrestled with his frustration.

[12:05]Watney: They don't know I'm alive? What the fuck? WTF? Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you?

[12:23]JPL: Please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the entire world.

They did not just say that.

After everything he has been through, there is no way JPL just told him to watch his language.

So, that's how they want to play it, huh?

[12:42]Watney: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck shit fuck! Fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck! Oh look! A pair of boobs!-> (.Y.) How's that for watching my language, you goddamned bureaucratic felchers!

NASA got the message loud and clear.

~~~

Four months passed and you fell into a routine. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, repeat. It was predictable, which was something you were thankful for.

You took on Watney's role as the ship's botanist. You weren't as good as him, but really, who was? You couldn't match his skill even if you tried. Still, you followed all of his experiments. Took diligent notes and snapped as many pictures as you could.

Martinez joked that you took better care of the plants than yourself. It was one of those jokes meant to expose an underlying issue: You weren't looking after yourself. There was a shadow hanging over everything you did. The crew was experiencing it too. Mark Watney was one of a kind. Everyone he touched felt his loss so viscerally, so deeply.

You needed time, just like Vogel said. But that didn't mean everyone had to be okay with you beating yourself up like this.

Lewis knew better than anyone how you were feeling. As the Commander, she should have tried a little harder. And you... You were right there in arm's reach. Yes, Lewis knew how you felt only too well.

You heard a faint Knock in the doorway. You looked up from the camera and met Beck's eyes.

"Data dump will be completed soon. Care to join?" He smiled.

You managed a smile back, "Yeah, sure. I'm hoping I got something from my siblings. Maybe my niece and nephew too." You strapped the camera to the wall so it wouldn't float away, then you pushed yourself toward your crewmate.

"How about your parents?" He asked.

"Oh, that's a given. I can't get them to leave me alone," you chuckled.

You floated down to Semicone-A, where everyone else was already waiting for the data dump.

"Is it here yet?" Beck asked.

"Almost, it's at ninety-eight percent." Johanssen shot him a grin.

"You're looking cheerful, Martinez," Beck laughed.

"My son turned three yesterday." He beamed. Should be some pics of the party. How about you?"

"Oh, nothing special. Just some peer reviews of a paper I wrote a few years back."

"Complete," Johanssen said. "All the personal e-mails are dispatched to your laptops. Also there's a telemetry update for Vogel and a system update for me....Huh.... There's a voice message addressed to the whole crew."

"Play it." Lewis shrugged. Everyone gathered around the screen as Beth pressed play.

"Hermes, this is Mitch Henderson," the message started.

"Henderson? Talking directly to us without CAPCOM?"

Lewis raised her hand to signal silence.

"I have some news. There's no subtle way to put this:.....Mark Watney's still alive."

Your stomach dropped.

"Wha-" Beck choked.

"I know that's a surprise. And I know you'll have a lot of questions. We're going to answer those questions. But for now I'll just give you the basics. He's alive and healthy. We found out two months ago and decided not to tell you. I was strongly against all that. We're telling you now because we finally have communication with him and a viable rescue plan. It boils down to Ares 4 picking him up with a modified MDV. We'll get you a full write-up of what happened, but it's definitely not your fault. Mark stresses that every time it comes up."

You clenched your eyes shut as they burned painfully with tears.

"Take some time to absorb this. Your science schedules are cleared for tomorrow. Send all the questions you want and we'll answer them. Henderson out."

Silence fell over the bridge.

"He...He's alive?" Martinez beamed.

"He lives." Vogel nodded excitedly and squeezed your shoulder.

"Holy shit!" Beck laughed. "Holy shit! Commander! He's alive!"

"I left him behind," Lewis muttered.

You covered your eyes with your hands, fighting to stay quiet.

"No, hey... we all left togeth-"

"You followed orders...I left him behind. In a barren, unreachable, godforsaken wasteland." Lewis scowled and trudged off the bridge.

Everyone stood around the console. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Y/N?" Chris asked softly.

"Are you okay?" Beth added.

You shook your head. You couldn't look at any of them right now.

"I need a minute..." you said softly before hurrying back out of the Semicone. You retreated back to the comfort of the botany lab. It was all so much to process.

First Mark is dead, you left him behind to die. Then Mark is alive, you left him behind to die. He doesn't want you to blame yourselves, it was terrible luck. He's healthy. He can contact Earth. Mars is a desolate planet. He's all alone. On an entire planet. You left him there. He will never be safe until he's back on Earth soil. It will be four years until Ares 4 arrives.

He will be alone on Mars for four years.

You left him there.

~~~

Y/N,

I'm typing this letter to you because talking to you relaxes me. I won't actually be sending this to you. It's not going to be professional in nature like the other notes I've sent you. (JPL says that you have received all of them, but have neglected to send me any of your responses. The only one I have gotten from any of the crew was one from Lewis. She invited me for beer to make up for leaving me on Mars.)

Anyway, some bad stuff happened. I wish you were here. Not because I want you to have been launched by an airlock. Never that. I just really fucking miss you. I really need you right now. I almost died last night. I had to do some serious surgery on my suit to keep me alive and I had to sift through the dilapidated remnants of the Hab to find a new one.

I'm so tired. I just want you to hold me. I'm so sick of all of this. Fuck Mars, Fuck the Hab. I'm so sick and tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed. I miss you so much. You make every one of my bad days good. I know if you were here, everything would be okay again.

Why did this have to happen?

Mars keeps throwing curve balls at me, but I'm not giving up. I've got a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to focus on that.

-Mark

P.S. Your bed stopped smelling like you a month ago.

~~~

The crew of Ares 3 met in the Rec. A secret message had arrived not even an hour ago. One that would alter their mission by 533 extra days.

"Are we going to do it?" Johanssen asked.

"I won't lie, I'd sure as hell like to. But this isn't a normal decision. This is something NASA expressly rejected. We're talking about mutiny. And that's not a word I throw around lightly," Lewis explained. "We'll only do it if we all agree. And before you answer, consider the consequences. If we mess up the supply rendezvous, we die. If we mess up the Earth gravity assist, we die. If we do everything correctly, we add 533 days to our mission. 533 days of unplanned space travel where anything could go wrong. Maintenance will be a hassle. Something might break that we can't fix. If it's life-critical, we die."

"Sign me up!" Martinez announced, causing you to smile. At least someone else was as enthusiastic to bring Mark home as you were.

"Easy, cowboy. You and I are military. There's a good chance we'd be court-martialed when we get home. As for the rest of you, I guarantee they'll never send you up again," Lewis said.

"If we do this," Vogel looked to you and back at Lewis. "It would mean over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return."

You couldn't have possibly said it better yourself. It was like Alex was reading your mind.

"Sounds like Vogel's in. Me too obviously," Martinez laughed.

"Let's do it," Beck agreed.

"If you think it'll work, I trust you," Johanssen said.

Lewis nodded and turned to you. "Y/L/N?"

"You don't even need to ask me. Let's go get our boy," You smiled.

Wow. This is the first time you've smiled... a real smile, since leaving Mars.

'Hang in there babe,' You thought. 'I'm on my way.'

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 192-2

Yep, another secret letter do my dear, long lost love~ How predictable. I don't really care, today's been a great day. I can't believe you're coming back for me! Here I was, thinking I'd have to survive without you for four years. Then there you go, riding in from the sunset to bring me home.

Logically I know the rest of the crew had something to do with it, but I kind of like the idea that maybe I am a Disney princess and you're my knight in shining armor coming to rescue me.

It's like the story of Rapunzel, except my tower is a whole planet and instead of catching my hair, you're catching my MAV. Now that I think about it, the stories are more different than they are similar.

That hardly matters though, what does matter is that for the first time I actually feel like I'll survive. I trust our team with every fiber of my being, but most of all I trust you. I'm gonna rest easy tonight. And in the morning I'll start my work on the rovers!

See you in about a year babe! I'll be counting down the hours. Literally.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 426

Happy anniversary Y/N! You thought I'd forget? Never! You know why that is? Because I fucking love you, that's why!

Four years we've been together as of today, that's assuming we are counting the year we've been apart as "being together", (which I do.) Today I'm really beating myself up over frying Pathfinder with my drill all those months ago. It was my only form of communication with you and I royally fucked it up.

You'd think that cutting myself off from Earth, NASA and humanity at large would be what upset me the most. Nope, it's the fact that I can't send you a super sneaky secret anniversary e-mail. I also missed my parents' birthdays, your birthday, Christmas AND Thanksgiving. Twice. Also, fucking Valentine's day! I used to hate that holiday before I met you.

Anyway, as you can see, I totally have all my priorities in order! Also! I got you a present~ Since you have no way to read this, I don't feel bad spoiling it for you. I found a little rock. It's in the shape of a heart.

Awwww wow! That's cute, I just realized that I'm giving you my heart for our anniversary! To be honest, you had it a long time ago.

I miss you. I miss your smell, your eyes, the feel of your skin. Most of all, I really, really miss your voice. I just want to hear you. I've forgotten what you sound like. I'm scared If I didn't have this picture of you and your brother, I'd forget what your face looks like too.

I'm starting my long commute to Schiaparelli in 23 days. It'll be a two month drive. I really hate driving in the rover. But if it gets me to you, who cares? I'm stalling. I've got a lot of work tomorrow and I just want to enjoy today. I wish I was there with you to enjoy it obviously, but we can't all get what we want (least of all, me.) I've learned how to settle.

Speaking of settling, what do you think about getting married in the woods, or a big grassy field? I'd like there to be as much green as possible. No red or orange, we're talking the opposite side of the color wheel here. I can picture you walking down the aisle. I'll be an absolute mess, but who cares. You're the love of my life. Thanks for, y'know, coming back to pick me up instead of leaving me to die on Mars.

I hope you like the rock.

-Mark

P.S. I grew a beard and my hair looks like the 80's had a baby with a grease monster. You'd hate it.

P.P.S. I hope you're into pirates~

P.P.P.S. Y/N Watney... Mark Y/L/N... hmmmmm, so hard to choose!

P.P.P.P.S. We are never eating potatoes again.

P.P.P.P.P.S And ABSOLUTELY NO DISCO MUSIC!

~~~

You stared at Mars creeping back into view. The last time you were here, Mark was sitting beside you, arm around your waist, your head on his shoulder. Maybe it wasn't your most subtle of moments, but how could anyone not be enthralled by the beauty of the red planet? Even now it was hard not to feel stricken with wonder.

Sometimes your mind played tricks on you. You'd see a speck of dust on the window and think you could see Watney on the surface. That was ridiculous of course, There is no possible way to see an individual person this far out. That didn't stop you from imagining it.

NASA had briefed everyone on the Martian's health, explained that he wouldn't look the same as the last time you saw him. You expected as much, but the thought still worried you. It wasn't that you were worried if you'd still find him attractive, there was no force on Earth or beyond that could change how much you loved Mark Watney. It was his health that worried you.

During all your back and forth questions with NASA that Henderson had arranged, you inquired about his health. They said he was doing well, but that he was stretching his little amount of food to its limits. That's what scared you the most. How would his immune system fare? How would he acclimate back to normal food on Earth? All of these questions went unanswered. NASA was honest, "we won't know for sure until he gets here."

"Mind if I join you?" Lewis asked softly, floating a short distance away.

"Of course Commander. I'd like the company," You said. It was surprising to realize you actually meant it. It'd been awhile since you wanted to spend time with anyone.

Melissa floated further into the cupola and settled beside you.

"Crazy to think that in a few days he'll be up here with us again..." Lewis said softly.

"Yeah..." you said softly, keeping your eyes ahead.

"I know how much you miss him... You two were always great friends."

You swallowed hard and tried to ignore the pit in your stomach as you nodded. "Yeah..."

You could see Lewis looking at you out of the corner of your eye. Her expression was conflicted. "I'm really sorry this happened. I know it's been hard on you. I should have searched a little longer-"

"Commander." You stopped her from continuing. "You did all you could. You made the right decision. I wish none of this had happened, but none of this was your fault. It couldn't have been easy to make the choice, and I'm willing to bet that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it. I'm sure everyone else feels the same exact way, Mark included." You placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks, that's... Thank you," Melissa smiled.

"We're a team, that's what we do. We keep each other grounded."

"That's actually sort of what I wanted to talk to you about..."

"What do you mean?"

"NASA just sent the message a few minutes ago. They're letting us talk to Watney... Directly," Lewis said. You blinked in surprise. No matter how many times you asked, NASA wouldn't allow any kind of direct communication. You wondered why the sudden change of heart.

"Henderson thinks we need to remind him of what he has to look forward to, keep his eyes on the prize so to speak. At least, that's how he's been pitching it to the director. Anyway, the rest of the crew and I agree you should be the one to do it," she finished.

"R-really? I can talk to him?" You asked hopefully, hoping this wasn't a dream.

"Y/N, I can't think of anyone else he would need to hear from more."

~~~

Mark was waiting by the coms in the MAV for any final updates from NASA regarding the meticulous destruction of his ship, piece by piece. He had just finished taking out the main window and it was heavy as hell, even in Mars gravity. He was happy he at least had some time to rest after all that hard work. If he was lucky, maybe they'd wait too long and it would be too dark to get any work done. He could use a good sleep, it seemed like he was needing it more and more lately. Watney suddenly heard the telltale beeps that signaled an incoming message. He was expecting a barrage of questions about his progress, instead he got something so much better.

[19:22] Y/L/N: Hey, Mark.

Mark's voice got caught in his throat.

Y/N.

It had been so fucking long since he talked to you. His eyes burned and his hands shook. Watney leaned his head back in relief, thanking god for this incredible gift. "I just about gave up on you man..." Mark smiled to the sky before nervously typing back.

[19:23] MAV: Y/N!? Holy crap! They're finally letting you talk to me directly?

You released a sigh and covered your face with your hands. He was responding! Really responding! Everyone was looking at you. Beck beamed at you while Martinez watched on with interest. Lewis was waiting to see if you could handle it. No way you were gonna let this one chance slip through your fingers. You sniffed and wiped your eyes before responding.

[19:24] Y/L/N: Yes, NASA just gave the OK for direct communication an hour ago. We're only 35 light-seconds apart, so we can talk in near-real time. Johanssen just set up the system and I'm testing it out.

Mark sighed and smiled. Level headed and professional as always. How you had such self control, he had no idea.

[19:24] MAV: What took them so long to let us talk?

You looked up at Lewis, silently asking if you could relay the truth. She nodded.

[19:25] Y/L/N: The psych team was worried about personality conflicts. [19:25] MAV: Why? Just 'cause you guys abandoned me on a godforsaken planet with no chance of survival?

Mark typed without thinking and as soon as he hit send, he regretted it. He didn't want you to feel bad, It was a joke. You'd understand that right?

[19:26] Y/L/N: Not funny. Don't make me come down there and kick you.

Watney let out a choked laugh. Half a chuckle and half a sob.

[19:26] MAV: God I missed you.

You smiled at the screen and pushed down the urge to hug Martinez behind you. You were really talking to him! He was only 35 light-seconds away! Suddenly you realized you were blessed with an opportunity even more amazing than just talking with him. You could ask him what you had been asking in all of your disregarded emails!

[19:27] Y/L/N: We missed you too. I've had to take over the botany lab. You'll be happy to know I haven't killed any of your plants...Yet. How are you feeling? We've gotten a few updates from NASA regarding your health, but nothing in incredible detail.

Watney chuckled at the text appearing in front of him. 'Cute,' he thought.

[19:27] MAV: Awwww, are you worried about me?

The crew laughed and you shook your head, swiftly adding your response.

[19:28] Y/L/N: Do I really need to answer that?

Mark snickered and decided not to tease you. He wanted to tell you all of his woes and adequately prepare you for how much he had changed. But he didn't want to put a damper on the mood. Luckily, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] MAV: I'm doing okay. My clothing feels a little loose and I'm craving spaghetti. I'm also in desperate need of a shower. Other than that, I'm just fine. Looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the crew.

Your smile fell. You were happy he was being at least somewhat honest, but you knew it was probably worse than he was making out to be. Unfortunately, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] Y/L/N: We're looking forward to seeing you too. I think it's safe to say a big group hug is in order, if I can get Vogel in on it that is.

Watney hummed at the thought of holding you in his arms. The image was so clear, yet so far away.

[19:30] MAV: At this point, I'd even settle for holding hands. Group hug sounds nice. How are you doing Y/N? I wrote you a lot of emails.

You grimaced and thought your next words through very carefully. With the crew watching, it was hard to collect your thoughts.

[19:31] Y/L/N: I wrote you plenty of my own. There was only so much air time to be used outside of helping you survive. My guess is they put priority on Commander Lewis' emails. Rightfully so of course. I'm doing fine. I've missed you a lot. To be honest, a lot is probably a huge understatement. It's hard to express exactly what I want to say over message.

Mark nodded. You watched him presumably die, leave his 'body' behind, mourn his loss over a period of months, find out you left him there alive, be unable to talk to him for about a year, and suddenly he was here reading and responding to your messages, but you have to limit the details so as to keep those private thoughts private. He couldn't imagine what he would do if the roles were reversed. What you wanted to say needed to be kept between you and him. He understood. There was a lot he wanted to say too.

[19:32] MAV: I know what you mean. I'll be there soon, then you can tell me all about it in person. And I'll tell you all about my space crops and my long voyage to the MAV. Have I mentioned I'm a space pirate?

The crew laughed and for a moment, it felt like he was there. Really there.

[19:33] Y/L/N: Good to know you're still the funniest person on Mars. [19:33] MAV: Thanks! [19:33] MAV: Wait a minute! Rude! Don't make me come up there! [19:34] Y/L/N: Don't threaten me with a good time, Watney. [19:34] MAV: ;)

You were about to make some really elaborate emoji out of parentheses and dots, when you saw a notification from NASA. Playtime was over. You scowled as you broke the news to your boyfriend.

[19:34] Y/L/N: I hate to cut this short, but NASA wants us to keep the line open. We'll be in touch asking for updates on your progress, but don't expect too much witty banter.

Mark's heart sank a little, but there was no use in leaving such a perfect night on a sour note.

[19:35] MAV: Figures. NASA never lets me do anything fun! Tell the others I said hi. [19:36] Y/L/N: I'll be sure to pass it along!

Mark's leg tapped nervously. He knew NASA was right about keeping the line open, but he really didn't want it to end yet.

[19:36] MAV: Hey, thanks for coming to get my sorry ass. [19:36] Y/L/N: No thanks necessary. We'd do it a million times over.

Watney knew you meant it. He could feel the warmth through the bland MAV text on the screen. He couldn't wait to be up there with you...But what if something went wrong? Fuck, don't think about this now! Everything's going to be fine! Right? But what if... There was always a chance, especially on Mars, that things would not go your way. And the likelihood of him surviving this mission was slim at best. He needed to tell you. He should have said it a lot more. A whisper here and there in the hallways, maybe some stupid middle school secret code. Like hell he was going to pass up this one chance, consequences be damned.

[19:37] MAV: I love you, Y/N.

Your heart lurched in your chest. The room fell silent. Martinez lightly squeezed your shoulder. Your eyes flitted around the room to your colleagues. All of them stared with bewildered looks on their faces. What were you supposed to say? What if you got him in trouble? If he was worried about that, why would he send this in the first place?

'You know what, Fuck it,' you thought.

Watney watched the screen with baited breath. "Please..." He whispered. "Please."

[19:38] Y/L/N: I love you too Mark. Sleep well, we'll be there before you know it.

Mark released a cry of joy and typed through the tears.

[19:39] MAV: You too. Goodnight. [19:39] Y/L/N: Goodnight, Mark.

The line received no new messages after that. Mark rested there a moment before retreating back to the rover. Once the airlock had engaged, he removed his helmet and admired the picture of you and your brother he had taped to the rover computer.

He used to take those words for granted. Why say it when you could show it? He showed it to you as often as he could... At least he used to. You never made him question it for a second. You gave him compliments, brought him water on late nights, listened to his nerdy ramblings about plants and D&D. He'd help you to bed when you were too tired to stand, work out the knots in your shoulders while you typed. Over a year has passed and your grip on his heart is still firm. And when you said those three little words, all of it made sense again. Mark Watney would never again question the power of I love you. He was going to remind you every chance he got. He was going to ask you for it as often as possible. His mom and dad would hear it in every phone call, and no more excluding his friends. He loved them too. He would say it until the term loses all meaning, then he'd remember this night where I love you saved his life.

Mark took off his gloves and danced his thin fingers over the photograph.

"See you soon, baby..." He whispered, "I love you."

~~~

You pulled on your headset and took a deep, self soothing breath. In an hour, the love of your life was going to be launched into Mars's orbit in what could barely be considered a MAV. The thing was a Frankenstein version of the shuttle you had taken off the planet nearly two years ago.

You shook your head. What Mark needed right now was confidence. You could do that.

"How you feeling Y/L/N?" Martinez smiled over at you.

"Like I'm gonna throw up," You laughed.

"Anxious huh?" He smirked, "For the launch, or for your man?"

"Both," You smacked his arm and rolled your eyes. Martinez and Beck hadn't stopped giving you crap for the I love you texts. You didn't mind too much, it was nice being able to acknowledge that side of your relationship with Mark. Unfortunately it made for some rather awkward conversations with the NASA administrators.

"You got nothing to worry about, he's in good hands," Rick said reassuringly.

"I know, we're all badass trained professionals with years of experience," you chuckled. "I can't help it. I'm built to worry."

"You've checked and double checked the telemetry. Johanssen confirmed all of your calculations. It's going to be a smooth ride for sure."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

//////////

Mark scowled at his reflection in the mirror and stroked his beard. He looked like shit, no way around it. He hadn't taken a moment to really look at himself for a long time and he couldn't say he liked what he saw.

"It's the end of an era," Watney said to nobody as he grabbed the razor. "No more captain blonde-beard."

Mark took his time shaving his chin and trimming the hair on his head. By the end of it, he still looked like shit but slightly less so. He felt a little more like himself at least.

He patted his chest to make sure the picture was still there, tucked under his uniform. It was there, along with his anniversary present to you. He slipped the headset over his ears and turned it on. It was nearly time to go. Watney pulled the suit on over his head and double checked if it was all on securely.

"I'm leaving Mars today, one way or another..." He whispered. "About fucking time."

//////////

"Fuel engine green," Your voice seemed to cause time itself to slow down. Not just for Mark, but for the entire world. "Engine alignment, perfect." Mark closed his eyes took a series of deep breaths, trying in vain to keep his emotions in check. "Communications five by five. We are ready for preflight checklist, Commander."

"Copy." Lewis said. "Mission Control, this is Hermes actual. We will proceed on schedule. we have T minus two minutes, ten seconds to launch... Mark." The commander turned her attention to the man of the hour. "About two minutes Watney. How you doing down there?"

"I'm good." He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "I'm anxious to get up to you. Thanks for coming back for me."

You sniffed and shot a smile to Johanssen, who sent you a grin of her own.

"We're going to make it happen. Remember, You'll be pulling some pretty heavy g's. It's okay if you pass out. You're in Martinez's hands."

"Well, tell that asshole no barrel rolls."

"Copy that, MAV."

"CAPCOM."

"Go," you said.

Mark's bottom lip quivered

"Guidance."

"Go," Johanssen said.

"Remote Command."

"Go," Martinez said.

"Telemetry."

"Go," you said again.

He couldn't fight it anymore, he let the tears fall.

"Recovery."

"Go," Beck said.

"Secondary Recovery."

"Go," Vogel said.

"Pilot."

Mark steadied his voice before speaking, "go."

"Mission control, we are go for launch. T minus ten," You said.

"Nine."

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Six."

"Five."

Mark closed his eyes and focused on your voice. "See you in a few, baby..." He whispered.

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

The force of the blast was incredible, and growing more painful by the second. His breathing came out short and panicked as the Hab canvas rattled nightmarishly against the MAV. His panic only increased as the canvas ripped from the shuttle, exposing him to the full force of the MAV's thrust. He couldn't even scream. All he could do was watch the sky grow darker and darker.

"Watney." He heard your voice from far away.

"Watney, do you read me?" Your voice called again. His eyes drooped and his vision faded.

//////////

"Watney. Do you read?" You asked in the calmest voice you could muster.

"He's probably passed out. He pulled 12 g's on the ascent. Give him a few minutes," Beck said.

"Copy that." You said and turned your attention on the numbers before you. "I have interval pings. Intercept velocity will be eleven meters per second."

"I can make that work," Beck confirmed.

"Distance at intercept will be....we'll be sixty-eight kilometers apart..." You whimpered and buried your face in your hands.

"Did they say sixty-eight Kilometers? Kilometers?!" Beck cried.

"Keep it together, work the problem. Martinez, any juice left in the MAV?" Lewis asked.

"Negative, Commander."

"Then we'll have to go to him. Y/L/N, time to intercept?"

"Thirty-nine minutes, twelve seconds," You steeled yourself and focused on your coordinates.

"Martinez, what if we point the attitude thrusters all the same direction?" Lewis asked.

"Depends on how much we want to save for the attitude adjustments on the trip home."

"How much do you need?"

"I could get by with maybe twenty percent of what's left. If I use the other eighty percent... We'd get a delta-v of thirty-one meters per second."

"Y/L/N, Math."

"In thirty-nine minutes, we'd deflect....seventy-two kilometers! Use seventy-five point five percent of remaining attitude adjust fuel. That'll bring the intercept range to zero," You did the math quickly.

"Do it." Lewis said.

"Hold your horses, that'll get the range to zero, but the velocity will be forty-two meters per second."

"Then we have thirty-nine minutes to figure out how to slow down. Burn the jets."

//////////

Mark awoke to find himself spinning. Flashes of stars and the red glow of the Martian surface had him feeling a little dizzy. "MAV to Hermes?"

"Watney?" You gasped.

"Affirmative," he grunted.

"What's your status?" You asked calmly.

"Uhhh..." He winced and leaned back in his seat. "My chest hurts. I think I broke a rib. How are you, sweetheart?" He groaned.

"We're working on getting to you," you relayed. "There was a complication in the launch."

"Yeah," Watney dejectedly looked at the massive hole in the roof of his ship. "The canvas didn't hold. I think it ripped early in the ascent."

"That's consistent with what we saw during the launch," Lewis agreed.

"How bad is it, Commander?" he asked.

"We were able to correct the intercept range with Hermes's attitude thrusters, but there's a problem with the intercept velocity."

"How big a problem."

"Forty-two meters per second."

"Well..." Mark paused and tried to wrap his head around that number. "Shit."

//////////

You typed furiously, staring at your screen unblinkingly as you worked through all the possible ways to bring down the velocity.

"Hey, I've got an idea," Watney said.

"Of course you do, what have you got?" Lewis asked.

"I could find something sharp in here and poke a hole in my EVA suit. I could use the escaping air as a thruster and fly my way to you. The source of thrust would be on my arm, so I'd be able to control it pretty easily."

"How does he come up with this shit?" Martinez laughed.

"I can't see you having any control if you did. You'd be eyeballing the intercept using a thrust vector you can barely control."

"I admit it's fatally dangerous, but consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man."

"We'll keep working on ideas," Lewis said.

"Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man."

"Stand by," Lewis temporarily cut contact with Watney.

You furrowed your brows at the screen, waiting for the correct course of action to jump out at you. Suddenly, there it was. "Wait! that's it!" you looked back at the Commander. "Mark's a genius! We could use the ship's atmosphere as thrust. We could blow the vehicular airlock. Seal the bridge and the reactor room. Iron Man... But bigger!"

"....." Melissa stared at you for a moment before addressing Alex. "Vogel?"

"Yes commander?"

"I need you to come inside and make a bomb," she ordered.

~~~

"I have visual, I can see the MAV," Beck said. "Jesus Mark, what did you do to that thing?"

"You should see the rover," Mark radioed. He was ready to get out of his goddamned chair, ready to get away from this hunk of junk that could barely be considered a MAV.

"Call out my velocity to Mark every two seconds or so," Chris said.

"Copy." You responded.

"Hey Beck, the front's wide open. I'll get up there and be ready to grab at you." Watney said.

"Negative, no untethered movement. Stay strapped to your chair until you're attached to Beck."

"Copy." Mark huffed. Lewis was right, impatience would be the death of him out here and he had come too far to die now. Instead, he focused on your voice calling out the relative velocity.

"Three point one meters per second."

"Eleven meters to target."

"Six meters."

"Contact." Beck grabbed the canvas of the destroyed MAV. "Firm contact."

"You have fourteen seconds Dr. Beck."

"Copy."

Nothing could have prepared Watney for how he'd feel seeing Beck's helmet poking through the opening.

Pure. Unadulterated. Serotonin.

"Visual on Watney!"

"Visual on Beck!"

"How ya doin' man?" Beck pushed himself toward Mark, meanwhile Mark was trying not to have another emotional breakdown.

"I....I just...Give me a minute, you're the first person I've seen in eighteen months," Watney croaked.

"We don't have a minute," Beck clumsily collided with Mark. "Contact with Watney... Connected!"

"Restraints off," Watney called.

"We're outta here!"

//////////

"Houston, this is Hermes actual. Seven crew safely aboard," Lewis's voice echoed in your mind as you, Martinez, Johanssen, and Lewis pushed yourselves toward the airlock where Vogel and Beck were bringing him in.

Mark.

You could see his dusty helmet from the small window on the airlock. Already you were feeling an overwhelming ache deep in your chest. There he was, only a few feet away, behind this door. Your crewmates flew in and clambered for Watney.

"Hey guys!" He laughed.

You were frozen in the doorway.

His helmet came off.

Everything slowed down.

Everyone was smiling and laughing. High fiving. Quick hugs. They all wanted to get as far away from the smell as they could.

Your eyes met.

There were beads of what looked like water floating in the air. When did you start crying?

Mark held out his arms to you and you wasted no more time. He hugged you as tightly as he could with the bulky arms of his EVA suit. His face buried into your neck as he cried softly. "Y/N...." He whispered in a broken voice. "Y-Y/N?"

"I'm right here Mark... Right here." You cradled the back of his head, scratching that spot at the base of his neck. He always liked it when you did that

"I stink, don't I?" Watney laughed in between sobs.

"You do. You really do," You tried to keep up the joke. "But if im being completely honest, I couldn't possibly care less," you laughed.

Slowly, you pulled back so you could get a good look at his face. He was thin. Gaunt, and covered in bed sores. That should have been expected of course, It's not like he had anywhere to shower in the rover. He looked at you like you were an angel. He looked embarrassed, like he wanted to hide.

Your fingers danced over his cheek and his eyes fluttered closed at the tenderness. The crew watched on with pride and varying degrees of bashfulness.

Mark opened his eyes and stared at you pleadingly as orbs of tears flowed from their corners. "Y/N... Please..." He whispered.

You didn't hesitate for a second.

You grabbed the sides of Mark's face and smashed your lips against his. So soft... your hands are so soft and your lips are trembling. The heat of your skin, the scent of your hair. It was even better than he remembered. He couldn't breathe, he could barely even think. He wanted so desperately to kiss you back, to fall into your embrace until there's no space left between, but his ribs hurt like hell and his suit was in the way. Mark whimpered as your fingers tangled into his hair. Fuck. Fuck. 'Everything hurts baby, please don't stop kissing me,' he pleaded in his head. 'Don't stop.'

When you started pulling away, he reached out to pull you closer again, but winced when he moved his arm.

"Slow down, baby." You breathed and pressed a little smooch to his forehead.

"Alright love birds, I need to get Iron Man over here to sick bay."

"But-" Watney protested.

"No buts, you need an X-ray and a shower. Maybe three." Beck laughed.

Mark looked at you pleadingly and you caressed his face. "I'll be by once Beck fixes you up. I gotta help check the ship for damage. Okay?"

He nodded and smiled. "Don't miss me too much~"

"You seek the impossible, Watney." You kissed his forehead again and let Chris lead your Martian down the hall to his quarters.

"Wow," Martinez said "I can't decide if that was incredibly romantic or incredibly awkward."

"Shut up Martinez," You playfully shoved his shoulder.

"Honestly though, he smells terrible! You've got some nerves of steel, Y/L/N," Johanssen joked.

"My boyfriend just spent eighteen months alone on a remote planet, If he wants a kiss he's gonna get that goddamned kiss. Definitely not a quick one and definitely not a half-assed one. But I will say one thing," you grinned.

"What's that?" Lewis smirked.

"He's not getting another one until he brushes his teeth."

~~~

Mark settled into his bunk after what felt like hours. He finally had a bath. Five, in fact. The showers were on a timer to conserve water. He had to run that timer five times before he finally felt clean. The water hurt the sores on his skin, but he felt so much better afterward that he almost wanted to go in for a sixth one. Mark brushed his teeth about three times and got rid of all the tangles in his hair. He'd need someone to touch up the cutting job he did. Now that it was all brushed out, it looked astoundingly bad.

After his long grooming session, Beck took an X-ray and determined that he'd broken two ribs. Chris bandaged him up, gave him some pain medicine, made him eat, and sent him to bed for some well deserved rest. At first, Mark protested. He hated the idea of everyone else fixing the ship while their lead engineer was taking a nap. But he was painfully tired and painfully...well... in pain.

Hey! His bunk didn't smell like shit! That's a huge upgrade from his bunk in the Hab- no more thinking about that place.

With a deep groan, Watney eased himself into bed. Weird...his sheets smelled like you. He didn't mind of course, you always smelled nice. He had never been more thankful for the centripetal force spinning the ship. He would have hated having broken ribs in zero g's. He imagined trying to sleep with his body constantly moving ever so slightly. Sounded like hell to him.

Mark wondered what the others were doing. He hoped there wasn't something too terribly wrong with the ship. The subtle groans of metal didn't ease his nerves. He was never scared of the Hermes before, but he was just now coming to terms with that fact that the ship had taken some serious abuse over the past few months, not to mention the past few hours. Normally Hermes would undergo maintenance after each mission, but because they turned around to get him that maintenance was scrapped.

New fear unlocked: Dooming his team to die in space because they had to turn around and get him.

He almost thought the knocking on his door was the hull breaking apart into a billion little bite-sized pieces.

"Come in," he said.

He expected it to be Beck checking in on him, but he was relieved when you poked your head in with a shy smile.

"Heyyyy, look over there! It's the world's handsomest boyfriend!" You said with gusto.

"You are such a kiss ass," Mark laughed, which hurt his ribs, which made him laugh again from how pitiful he must look.

You scoffed as you stepped into his quarters, shutting the door behind you. "You calling me a liar?" you grabbed a loose storage box and used it as a chair so you could sit beside his bed.

"That's exactly what I'm calling you," he smirked. "Seriously. Have you seen me lately? I look like a... a popsicle stick with a bad haircut."

You looked him up and down. His sores looked a lot better after cleaning them. You had no doubt they would heal nicely. The malnourishment on the other hand... That might take some work. You and Beck already had a few dietary plans for him. You discussed it while you reorganized the chow hall. Still, Mark was the most beautiful person you had ever seen. Even now, those alluring blue eyes were mesmerizing you. And let's not forget that goddamned tantalizing smile.

"I'm looking at you right now, babe," You giggled.

"And?"

"You're still as gorgeous as ever. Just a gorgeous man who's been through some shit," you carded your fingers through his hair. Mark hummed and closed his eyes. "How are you feeling?" you whispered.

"Physically or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Emotionally, happy. Very happy. Best day of my life kind of happy," he smiled. "Physically, pretty shitty. The medicine hasn't kicked in."

"Anything I can do to help you feel better?" you asked warmly.

Watney sent you a smug look, "Oh, I can think of a few things that might help~"

"Not until your ribs are healed."

"Damn."

You leaned down and pushed his hair back so you could kiss his forehead. He gave you a dazed grin, "oh, what do you know? I feel better already," he whispered in a gravelly voice. "... I really missed you..."

"I missed you too Mark..."

"I can't believe I can... I can feel you again. I can hear you and see you and feel you... s'insane..." He reached up and cupped your cheek despite the pain. "You were always on my mind. I-I just really wanted... I wanted to make it back to you." He brought his thumb just under your eye to catch a stray tear.

You covered his hand with yours and pressed a kiss to his palm.

"I-I don't even know what to say... I've been feeling so much, I don't know how to... how to-" He swallowed hard.

"Everything's changed so fast," you reassured him. "But we aren't on the messaging system anymore. It's a long journey home, we have plenty of time to find the right words," you continued to run your fingers into his hair.

"I fucking love you... " he closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of your nails against his scalp. "I'm gonna marry you one day, decided just now."

"Just now?" You snickered.

"No...Realistically, it was the first night we uh... slept together. Do you remember that?" Watney chuckled.

"Of course I do," you smiled, thinking of his messy blonde hair, searing gaze, and strong arms. He took his time with you that night, unhurried, attentive, and unabashedly vocal. "How could I forget?"

Mark shook his head and looked away to hide his blush, but not even his smile could distract you from it. "Sorry, sorry. Go on, continue!"

"Well, I uh..." He let out a sheepish chuckle. "Obviously every part of that night was perfect, but it's what happened after that really changed things."

"Oh?" you leaned closer, curiosity getting the better of you.

"You let me be the little spoon. I'm fine with being the big spoon most of the time, but you gotta be the little spoon sometimes, you know? No one ever let me be the little spoon before you... And when I woke up, you were still holding me." His fingertips danced down your arm, leaving a trail of chills in their wake. Once he reached your hand, Mark intertwined your fingers. It wasn't a conscious movement for him, simply muscle memory. But you couldn't keep your mind off of it. "I know I goof around a lot, but I can't stress how serious I'm being when I say... I have never felt that loved before. It was just... such a perfect night. I knew that you were the one for me well before, but that was the first time I really saw my future flash before my eyes like that."

Your eyes stung a little as you tenderly kissed his lips. "Want to know when I decided?" you whispered against him.

"Please..." He whispered back.

"Remember when I had that terrible flu during the first year of our training program?"

"Oh damn, yeah I do! You looked terrible, baby." Mark teased.

"I felt terrible. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and I definitely couldn't go to lectures... I was so worried about missing, even though the professors agreed there was no way I could come to class. You brought me a copy of your notes. The copy machine in the library was down, so you had to write them by hand... you even filled them with these horrible stick figure drawings," you laughed and Mark brought your knuckles to his lips and watched you, immersed in the sound of your voice. It was like he was trying to commit you to memory. You were doing much the same.

"Anyway, you stayed with me and you made some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. You stopped by everyday until I got better."

"We were just friends back then," he whispered against your hand.

"I know, but every time I think about how much I love you... that memory comes back, playing on repeat."

"Say that again."

"That again," you smirked. Mark gave you a sassy eyebrow. "Which part babe?" you laughed.

"The uh..." he trailed off.

You lightly kissed his cheek, "I love you, Mark... I love you so much." You peppered his face with little smooches. When you finally pulled back, he was all red again and teary eyed.

"I love you too, Y/N," He whispered. You sat together in silence for awhile before Mark suddenly remembered something extremely important! "Oh shit! I almost forgot!" He winced as he reached into his pocket. "Happy late four year anniversary!" He finally presented you with his gift.

Your fingers trembled as you took the little rock into your hands. Mark's Martian heart stared back up at you, dusting your palm orange.

"Y-you remembered our anniversary?"

"Of course I remembered! Have I ever forgotten before?" Mark smirked.

"N-no, but..." You couldn't help it, you were crying again god dammit. "Thank you Mark, I love it." You beamed and kissed him so hard he lost his entire train of thought. He sighed and pulled you closer like he had wanted to do hours ago. Fuck. There you go again, playing with his hair like it wasn't going to rile him up. He moaned and reached for your waist, only to be pulled swiftly back to reality by the jarring pain in his abdomen. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mark." You pulled away quickly.

"It wasn't you, I was getting too carried away." He winced and took a deep breath. "My bad," Watney laughed.

You sat down on the crate beside his bed and settled for playing with his hand. While you took inventory of every new callus, Mark once again saw his future flash right before his eyes. You and him and that little house with the green shutters. He's gonna have the best garden in the neighborhood, you'll have all the time in the world for reading. No potatoes. No disco.

"Y/N... Can you hold me?"

"Oh baby, I would love to but the beds are so small-"

"Ouch, oof, oh! ow!" He scooted closer to the wall to make room for you.

You sighed and shook your head. "Mark, your ribs-"

"Please..." he whispered. Dammit! What are you supposed to do when he gives you the puppy eyes!? Beck is going to kill you...

"I can't ever say no to you, can I?" You laughed and scooted into the bed. "Seriously, you've got me wrapped around your finger."

Mark smiled as you tucked yourself into his side. He wanted to be the little spoon, but he couldn't turn over so his back was against your chest. He'd just have to heal quickly, then he could freely snuggle, (and do other things) without any constraints!

He turned his head so he could admire your lovely, beautiful face. You were already looking back at him, one hand holding your rock close to your chest, the other was draped carefully over his waist. Mark swears he's never seen anything more breathtaking in his life.

He slowly leaned closer- Fuck! His ribs hurt so bad, where the hell is the Vicodin when you need it?

You gently smoothed out the crease between his brows with your thumb and pushed his hair back again. Mark closed his eyes, succumbing to the bliss that came with knowing he would never be alone again. You kissed him again and pulled his blanket over the both of you.

"I love you, Mark."

"I love you too."

He felt your hand slip under his shirt and onto his stomach. You drew soft shapes onto his skin, but stopped when you felt the scar just above the hem of his pants. It was jagged and angry.

He swallowed.

Much to his surprise and relief, you didn't pull your hand away. You just kept tracing the new territory.

He sighed and kissed your temple. His body shuddered in relief. "Th-this isn't a dream, right? You'll still be here when I wake up?" he whispered.

You peeked your head up and smiled "I'm not going anywhere, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." You leaned in and gave him one more kiss. He smiled into it and finally allowed himself to rest his eyes.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Y/L/N..."

[rotandguts]

✶ ┄ YOU WEREN’T MINE TO LOSE

danny (evil dead rise) x fem!reader, 

part one of the ‘august’ series. 

camp map

summary: the first week back at camp is never easy, but it definitely doesn’t help matters that your lifelong rival and ‘mortal enemy’ is there. both picked as camp counsellors, you’re forced to work together for the good of the camp, but that doesn’t mean you have to like each other.

word count: 10k+

content: SUMMER CAMP AU, rivals/enemies to lovers, implications of transphobia, mentions of bullying, slowburn, angst, mentions of alcohol/intoxication/underaged drinking, mentions of sex, mentions of divorce and abandonment, hints of david allen (evil dead 2013) x fem!reader, some people may be quite OOC?

A/N: EEEEEEK, this is going to be a long one but will be split up into chapters. btw i have no clue what danny’s actual last name is so for the sake of this story its bixler bc that's what beth’s confirmed name is okay? I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG LMAO part 2 and 3 will take very long also okay okay i’m so sorry pls enjoyyyyyy xoxo

publishing date ―  july 21st 2023 |  © rotandguts

✶

The winding road on the way to camp was claustrophobic, your first year driving there yourself. You prayed you were still on the right route, your phone’s GPS struggling to update after losing service a while back.

The sight of the endless rows of green trees was becoming redundant, the charm of the wilderness already wearing off on you upon the second hour of your journey. Eyes on the road, you slurped on the blue raspberry Slusho you picked up at a gas stop mid-journey. Savouring the cool syrup induced taste in the summer heat, windows down and car speakers blaring.

A large wooden sign came into view, confirming your path and indicating the end of the long journey. Engraved on the sign was:

CAMP KANDAR

est. 1959

You have gone past this sign every year since you were 8 years old. Initially reluctant to attend, you grew to truly love the place. You giggled at the thought that they almost had to pull you kicking and screaming from the car when you realised you would be remaining there for a little over a month the first ever time you arrived. How times had changed seeing as you were now willingly returning as an adult.

Camp Kandar was just outside Los Angeles, a safe hub to send your kids away to learn what the outside world was like at a reasonable price.

If you imagine what your ideal slasher sleepaway camp would look like from a 70s horror film, Kandar probably looked exactly like it. You were surprised that in all the years of running it no one had actually died there, as far as you were aware anyway.

There were rumours and myths of the camp being built over an ancient castle. Or maybe it was a burial ground? It changed every few years when new counselors got to tell their own version of the myth to the young campers.

This actually would be your first year as a counselor at the camp, it was either this or spending more time slaving away at your job in the local Henrietta’s pizza. You could no longer bare the daily heat and stench of the pizza kitchen, especially during summer.

Hands from distant figures you couldn’t make out waved at you on arrival. Your car finishes its journey in the parking lot beside a Buick Roadsmaster at the child and parent drop off point. You furrow your brows, the campers weren’t meant to arrive for another 2 days.

Exiting the car, you take a moment to breathe in and embrace your new home for the next few weeks, your summer sanctuary for over the past decade greeting you like an old friend. Thick, moist summer sweetness so rife in the air that it makes you feel almost sick to your stomach.

The first thing on your itinerary was to collect your uniform from the camp reception, which you were sure you’d be manning at some point during your time working there. You thought of all the things you’d be able to do now as a counselor, buzzing around the prospect of sneaking out late to whatever party they’d always throw near the old cabin. None of the younger campers were invited, only hearing fabled tales of wild goings on from the distant music and laughter in the night.

Camp director Williams definitely knew about the extracurricular goings on at the camp, and while he took no nonsense, he knew that kids just want to have fun. It’s what made him such a great leader, although the shotgun on the wall above his desk definitely kept campers on edge.

With your case trailing behind you and your backpack hanging casually from your shoulder, you set off towards the camp reception. The building clearly needed a refresher, certain letters in the sign slightly faded due to time and the wood of the steps creaking to a cautious extent under your feet.

Doors swing open, eyes flicker to you. A woman with long red hair stands at the desk with her back to you, obviously in distress talking to director Williams, her arms flailing with hushed whispers.

“Oh great. And you’re here, now. My day just gets better.”

And him.

You turn around and there he is, bags slung on the floor, leaning against the wall with a Nintendo Switch in hand.

Danny Bixler-Sutherland, your worst nightmare.

You had met him that first ever year at camp, becoming close friends after you were assigned to share a bunk. But something shifted in both of you, you were unsure when it all really started. You were both naturally competitive at the group activities from a young age and usually always sorted onto different teams, you always wondered if your competitive playing style drove a wedge in between you both.

Director Williams places a hand on her arm in comfort, “Please, we’ve known each other for how many years now? You know you can call me Ash, Ellie. We can just get bunks sorted for them until moving in day and then sort out proper accommodation. Means they’re not alone in the cabin.” He began to walk towards you, shifting the woman to face you. It was Danny’s mother, Ellie with a striking hair dye job.

Danny had always been in your dormitory growing up, until he came out and his mom fought tooth and nail to get him transferred to the boys dorm. He was popular around camp and people adjusted to the news quickly. But, there were of course a handful of dickheads that treated him like shit because of it. Director Williams put great measures in place to ensure none of them bothered Danny again, some of them being kicked out of camp. You had always wondered if that shotgun had been involved in Williams’ interrogation of them, you hoped it had.

Ever since the summer when the championship was determined to be a tie after you and Danny broke into a fight during the last challenge, you’d been at each other’s necks at almost every possible second.

However, deep down you had an inkling that it all really had something to do with a night that same year, around five or six years ago when a small group of the pre-teen campers, including the both of you, snuck out to camp in the woods.

It had been a largely uneventful night, the excitement in the moment mainly fuelled by the breaking of rules. By the end of the night it had become apparent that despite the bunks in their dorms not being the comfiest, they sure beat the makeshift tents and dusty forest floor.

But the shift in the air was clear. You went into those woods that night, hoping for a last chance of that closeness so present in your youth. By the time you left in the morning and returned to your respective dorms, you barely spoke.

Both of you may have been at each other's necks at the best of times, but insulting each other's appearances or anything personal was a line you both silently agreed to never ever cross. You remembered overhearing bitchy whispers from some of the girls in the cafeteria about him when he first appeared with short hair pre-transition, and you took great pleasure in cutting their hair that night when they were sleeping.

When the girls reported you to the director he had simply shrugged and said, “Talk shit, get hit girls. First rule in the book.”

And it’s not like he wouldn’t do the same for you. Some of the boys had been teasing you, more specifically teasing your figure, behind your back. Low and behold, you had heard that Danny took the charge when standing up for you. It was little things like that that meant you could never truly hate him, and same for him about you.

It was kind of like, the only people that could be mean to you both were the two of you. It was endearing in a way that you would rather die than to admit outloud, a sign of respect from your former friendship.

“Is this a bad time?” You question Danny, feeling like you’ve walked in on something you shouldn’t have but not wanting to pester director Williams until he ends his conversation. “Every place you exist in is a bad time.” Danny remarks, concentration still fully on the games console in front of him.

“That’s a low blow even for you, someone woke up on the wrong side of bed today, Mr Crankypants?” You retaliate, readjusting the weight of your backpack.

“You’re a little too old for camp, scout.” That was his nickname for you ever since you were younger. Without context it seemed almost endearing, but the reality of it drove you crazy.

In an attempt to impress an older counselor years ago, you had told a little white lie that you were a scout with all the training. This was a lie you kept up for almost the full time at camp, and doubled down on it on most days. On a hike, one kid began to have an asthma attack and the responsibility of helping them was promptly put on you by the panicking teen counselor.

Luckily, the kid was completely fine but it became apparent to everyone that you not only were not a scout but had zero knowledge in first aid training. No one had really cared, the counselor got in trouble for their negligence and own lack of first aid knowledge. Everyone went back to their normal jokes the next week after a spot of light torment from your fellow campers.

But you cared. It was just one of those borderline traumatic cringe moments in your life that you wish you could forget. And Danny, who was on the hike that day, knew that.

“Yeah I could say the same to you, DJ Dan.” He grimaced, slamming the console down on the reception desk.

“Jesus H Christ, how many years now with you both and you’re still doing this shit?” Ash wiped his brow of sweat, Ellie’s eyes fluttering between the two of you.

“Hey, Y/N. Good summer?” She smiled. You’d known the woman in passing for the same time you’d known Danny. She had definitely been on the receiving end of many phone calls about your behaviour towards each other, and your perhaps even worse behaviour towards others while acting in defence of one another.

Smiling and nodding back to her, “Yeah great so far, thanks - yours?” Despite trying to keep her smile, for a second her face flickered with something unreadable, Danny nervously shifted, eyes bouncing to his sisters in the corner of the room. They were so quiet you had failed to notice them sitting there.

“Same old, I guess.” Her hands clutching her car keys tighter. “How are your parents?”

If you were being honest, you didn’t know the answer to that.

“They’re fine. Same old, I guess.” You gripped the strap of your backpack a little tighter too. Your parents, while not mega rich, had a good bit of money. Most of your life, you’d spent much of your time without them or with a nanny. Summer was great because it meant going on holiday with them somewhere, anywhere. Until they realised they could hire a nanny in the form of Camp Kandar for the entire summer that was far cheaper and even further away from them.

Ellie politely nodded, before approaching the girls. “It’s just two days extra, right? I’ll be there to pick you all up the first second I can and bring you home.” Bridget nods, the older of the two. Kassie looked pained for a moment. Danny began to walk over, finally leaving his haunt, sitting beside Kassie and holding her small hand in his own.

“But what’s gonna happen? Are we even gonna have a home?” The youngest Bixler sibling clung to a pole with a doll's head stuck on top of it, you elected to ignore it as Ash pulled you to the side.

“Here’s the uniform, good thing you got here when you did ‘cause you and Danny took the last of that size.” Your eyes widened at his statement as Ash continued on. Danny, still holding Kass’ hand, glared at you with a twisted smile.

This confirmed the worst, he wasn’t here for a brief visit to drop off his sisters like you’d prayed, he would be a camp counselor too.

“Rota will get sorted by tonight, but all that’s really needed is some clean up jobs around camp before we open. You’re sharing with Mia in Cabin 13.” Your face lit up. Like Danny, Mia and her older brother David had been attending the camp since you were young. David, being two years older than her, became a counselor when he turned 18. You didn’t know if she would be returning this summer to do the same, the last time you’d texted she seemed reluctant to return.

“Great. Happy to do that.” Danny rolled his eyes at your enthusiasm. “Suck up.” He muttered. You chose to ignore him.

You set off towards Cabin 13, ensuring you got the first pick of the beds.

The cabin itself was small and pokey, compared to some of the other larger counselor cabins which resembled camper quarters with bunks. Considering the added privacy that came with having only one roommate, especially a roommate you were close with, the size of the cabin was fine with you.

When you arrived, you found the cabin cork board already decorated with pictures and the left bed claimed with a sports bag emptied out on the sheets. You couldn’t even waste time being dismayed that you got there second, not when you could hear Mia singing in the shower. You began unpacking everything you could and changing into your new uniform, the faster you got settled in the quicker you could get on with the fun activities.

When Mia had eventually got out of the bathroom, dark long hair damp with her new uniform on (a green and white t-shirt with the camp logo on it), she squealed as soon as she saw you.

Mia Allen was 5’2 and looked probably around 7 pounds soaking wet, give or take. Ever since she was little she’d been much smaller than the others, but what she lacked in size she made up for in her quick wit and snappy attitude.

And plus, it certainly helped that she had an older brother that could only be described as totally swoon worthy.

While at times sardonic and off putting, she was your best friend at the camp and had been for many years. Both of you being placed in the same dorm each year led to a sense of familiarity with you both. You knew each other’s habits better than anyone.

Others viewed her as troubled, with rumours of past years involving her using drugs on camp grounds or going apeshit on other campers - but you knew better. She had experienced her fair share of bad times in her life, mostly as a way of dealing with her sick mom, should she be punished for them forever? You definitely didn’t think so.

“Thank GOD Williams listened to my roomie request, I almost thought I was gonna get stuck with Olivia.” She bounces on you and embraces you within a death grip.

“I thought you and Olivia were friends?” The older girl was a medical student now but still returned each summer to help, she’d hung around you both growing up. She loved to follow the rules, with no exception or nuance to them. However, Olivia was without a doubt the most responsible of all the counselors and it meant the staff didn’t need to train her in first-aid every year.

“Um, yeah, of course we are. But I’d rather choke on my own vomit than have little miss campus police as my bunkmate. She does her own room inspections every week, David says no one even asks her to do them.” Mia rolls her eyes, going over to her bedside cabinet to put some perfume on.

“Fair enough, I’m so happy to see you. I seriously thought I’d be the only one coming back this year.” Running a hand through your hair, you watched her lean into your shared mirror and put on her earrings.

“I know, you need to tell me everything that’s happened since I last saw you. Oh my god, so much shit has happened with my mom it’s fuckin crazy, man.” She began to apply lipgloss. “Tell me about it on the way to initiation, I didn’t realise the time already!” You grab her wrist, pulling her from the cabin.

“Slow the fuck down! Listen, they won’t start without us, and we’re like two minutes away.” Mia halted your speed, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

In the distance you could see Danny and some of the others heading towards the campfire area, or as the campers called it, The Pavilion. His head flew back with laughter at something a girl you didn’t recognise said.

“Not you literally gawking at your boy-toy.” Mia murmured, making you turn to look at her with furrowed brows. “What?”

“Yeah, you heard me. And don’t think I’m talking about Eric or Pablo, ‘cause I’m not.” She pulled out a carton of cigarettes from the pocket of her shorts, offering you one. You politely turn it down with a shake of the hand, “Maybe later.”

“This whole uhhhh I hate you so much uhhhhh I hate you too charade is so 2018. Like I wish you’d just give it a rest already and fuck it out.” Mia struggles to keep the cigarette in her mouth as she acts out her impressions of you both before lighting it. You almost choke on her words.

“What the fuck, Mia! Not cool!“

“I am literally right! Don’t think I’ve forgotten that whole truth or dare bullshit from last year.” The smaller girl took a long drag and shifted her weight on her feet, hand resting on a tree beside her.

“You shouldn’t be smoking out in the open like this - at least do it in the cabin with the shower on.” You roll your eyes and begin to power ahead to the Pavilion. “A-HA, don’t try and change the subject with me missy because you know I am not that bitch to be messed with.” Mia begins to chase after you, almost tripping while stealing glances around to make sure no one actually catches her in the act.

“Mia, I think you should quit while you’re ahead. You know my feelings towards that boy and you know none of them are pleasant.” Halting and turning to face her, she does the same with slightly more unbalanced, disjointed movements.

She takes a puff, “Yeah, I thought I knew your feelings. And then you said what you said.” She wasn’t giving up easily.

“I don’t remember what I said.”

“Bull-fucking-shit, this is like pathological liar level. You’re gaslighting me, man!” She waves her arms around manically with wide eyes, obviously trying to tease you. Giving her one last begging look, she stubs the cigarette out. “Fine. But we’re talking about this later.”

With that, she powers on in front of you. It’s as if the nicotine has given her enough energy to run a marathon as she determinedly stomps towards the campfire.

That game of truth or dare had been a drunken mishap at the secret end of year party. You had both managed to score an invite thanks to David, and by association Danny had been invited by Eric. Olivia was too buzzed on wine coolers to feel the need to kick you out, so you managed to spend most of the night there. Mia’s drunk alter-ego ‘the Abomination’ eventually appeared which led to you and David escorting her back to the girls dorm in the early hours.

You had been asked by a drunken Mia, the absolute fucking menace that she was, if you had to spend a night in bed with any of the boys who would it be? Immediately without thinking, in your own intoxicated state, you answered Danny.

Before you could even realise the deeper implications of the question, you immediately attempted to justify your answer by stating that you had shared a bunk for years and didn’t kill each other during that time.

She had teased you in front of the entire group, in your own state of embarrassment you had failed to notice Danny’s wide eyes and rosy cheeks.

But the teasing was over quickly with Mia throwing her entire guts up in front of everyone, leading David to jump back onto his feet and promptly drag her from the scene, requesting that you help carry her legs.

What you’d failed to tell Mia, tell anyone for that matter, is that despite your answer to her question, you and David shared a kiss.

It was behind the cabin after you both dragged her back in her drunken state, you hoped all its occupants would be sound asleep. He’d looked at you with a glimmer in his eye, his testing patience, seeing who would make the first move.

Both of you had been dangerously towing a flirtatious line all summer, a line that you’d been tiptoeing on for probably the past nine years prior.

It had never ever been a possibility before, you were his kid sister’s best friend. You were just you. But here he was looking at you like that.

Do you regret it in hindsight? Sure, but you hardly remember it. Your heart was beating so fast you thought it might break out of your chest like that little creature from Alien. The moist summer air of the early morning clinging to your skin, a strong hand on the low of your back. Pressed tight chest to chest, a forbidden taste.

You jumped apart at the sound of the snapping of sticks by god knows what.

You parted with wide eyes and uncertainty rising in your chest. He placed a gentle hand on your cheek.

“I’ll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?” You nodded, a smile growing. The start of something new blossoming.

David and Mia were gone by the time you woke up, you had assumed David had driven them off specifically so you both didn’t need to address any drunken awkwardness from the previous night. Mia wouldn’t have opposed, with her hangover probably kicking in tenfold.

All that was left in his departure was a letter saying that he’d see you next summer and that you should call him when you got home if you wanted to pick up where you left off, with a phone number left under the statement. You text the number, leaving him with a message.

hey david,

last night was a mistake. it was a plain and simple heat of the moment mistake - as much as I’d like to start again, i can’t do that to mia.

You sent ‘i’m sorry.’ when you didn’t receive a reply after a month.

Quite frankly, you were dreading seeing him far more than Danny. With Danny at least, you knew that whatever you had said last year had gone right past his head (or atleast you thought it had). Danny wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to make you squirm, surely?

Honestly, now that you had been able to think it through - you wouldn’t be opposed to starting where you left off with David, the whole him being your friend’s brother thing aside. He was handsome, kind, and popular around camp. He’d looked out for you since, like, forever and you trusted him. If you were searching for a summer fling David would certainly be your go-to.

But whatever. If nothing happened, nothing happened, especially after the text you sent him. You could play this totally cool, right? It was just David. Stupidly hot David, with his constant tan and his almost annoyingly unwavering warm demeanour. You still remembered the first time you saw that smile. You were eight and he was ten, you fell down and scraped your knee during a group activity. He ran to you before any counsellors could even get to you.

“You’re okay.” A hand reached out, you grabbed it. And there was that smile. A smile you could trust. Yeah, maybe you were gonna be okay.

It was undeniable how he made you feel. Your legs turned to jelly everytime you laid eyes on him, you felt like such a ditz. But the presence of Mia complicated everything. You couldn’t do that to her. It would be too weird. Unless, you kept it a secret? A secret summer fling could be exactly what you need. Why did you have to send that damn text?

But then ultimately, he was just safe. Despite his attractiveness, all of the passion of the fling would be mostly fuelled by his relation to Mia, and if you’re being honest that was a line you did not want to cross with her. If she even found out that you both had kissed it’d be game over.

You’re snapped out of your thoughts by Mia calling your name.

“Are you even listening? Wait up, I have little legs!” She was significantly behind you now, struggling to keep up with your pace as you unconsciously powered ahead in front of her. “Sorry Mia, my inner volume was too loud, I guess.”

She squints, smirks before tapping your arm. “Yeah and we all know exactly who you’re thinking about.” Your eyes widen.

“Dann-”

“No.”

Barging past her again, the Pavilion now in sight, both of you being the only two left to arrive.

While the overall area has rows of structured seating comparable to wooden bleachers facing a stage, for more intimate occasions such as this there were stools placed closer to the stage.

“Fashionably late as always, you too. First strike.” Ash attempted to chase away flies with his prosthetic hand, shooting her a stern look. “Hey- what the hell? What happened to a friendly camper hello?” She resigned herself to the first tree stump available in front of you, beside her brother. You could only see his back and still you could feel the butterflies going wild inside you.

“You forfeit that when you come back here as a counselor. You’re being paid for this, this is a job. Stay. On. Time.” You swallow, taking the seat near Danny. He’s whispering something to Eric, but your eyes still meet.

Neither of you break but both of you wonder who will be the first to.

You pick up on things that have changed since last summer. His hair, chestnut again after a brief bleach blonde stint. You didn’t know what he suited more, you liked both.

You almost mentally slapped yourself for thinking that. But it was hard to not think how actually kinda attractive Danny was in staring competition moments like this. His eyes had such a mischievous glint in them that begged you for more, egged you on like what you were doing was so, so wrong.

Your cheeks grow heated and you can’t bare to stare any longer, losing the silent game.

“Okay, Bridget and Kassie will be staying here with us a few days early. That’s okay. Just make sure you’re on best behaviour at all time big kids, make sure you’re doing your job and looking after the little ones.” Bridget rolls her eyes at his words. She’s fifteen and thinks she can take on the world single handedly. Kassie looks a little less sure, resigning herself to staring at the ground and kicking some wood chippings at her feet.

“Cheryl, you wanna take it from here?” Director Williams turns to his sister, who appears by his side. “Sure thing, I’ve sorted the camp rota.”

You glance back at Danny, his eyes still on you. He smirks. You feel like you’re on fire. Turning away from him again to look where you had been so desperately avoiding, you see David glance at you. He smiles softly when he realises you’ve caught him, sending a slight wave. You don’t hesitate to return it, hearing a Danny sounding scoff coming from the opposite direction.

Cheryl goes over your duties for the next few weeks, you’re placed in arts and crafts with Mia and Danny. And a new girl who’d never attended this camp prior, Natalie. You assumed it was the girl walking with Danny earlier, now sitting timidly beside Eric.

Great.

Mia you could handle, and you could probably even handle Danny alone too. But Mia’s unrelenting urge to tease you for your misspoken words and Danny’s eyes that seemingly bore into your soul at every chance was going to be a challenge in combination.

Your face must’ve immediately read your exasperation, as Cheryl reassured “Don’t worry, usually it’ll just be two of you in for activities. You guys will be mixed and matched.” Your shoulders sunk in relief, not even realising how tense you had suddenly become.

Your ear is met with the soft whisper of Danny. “Don’t look too excited.”

“Bite me.” You hiss back, he grins with wild eyes, like he enjoys the way you’re speaking to him.

“Hey assholes! And I can call you that now because you’re adults. I better see no fighting, no nothing, or else this year - got it?” More Ash than director Williams warns, you nod.

“I’ll try sir, but she’s the issue.” The boy points at you, false sincerity in his voice. You bite your tongue, giving Ash a look that portrays your frustration.

“Whatever. Seriously, I’m watching you two.” Ash points at the both of you, Danny rolls his eyes. Eric and Mia make a quiet ‘ooooooooh’ noise and then laugh at their accidental timing.

Eric was the same age as David, and his childhood best friend, although you had noticed that they had drifted apart. He was as sarcastic as they come, but knew when to shut up and be serious. He’d been growing out his hair for the past few summers, it now resting just at his collarbone.

He’d taken Danny under his wing when he got moved to the boy’s dorm, it was common that one would be seen the other around camp.

After a few more ground rules were laid out, Ash reminded you that you are now the adults in charge and that any responsibility will be put on you.

“Oh and by the way. This is Natalie, she’s new. I know you all grew up together but please make her feel welcome, yeah?” Cheryl put her hand on the girl’s shoulder, Natalie waving timidly.

She was so effortlessly pretty you didn’t know if you wanted to cry or roll your eyes.

With that, you were free to spend the last night free before your jobs started the next day. As everyone was departing, you notice David eyeing the new girl, who stands like a spare prick as Cheryl inaudibly talks to her. He leaves with Pablo and Olivia after taking a second glance.

There’s those damn butterflies again.

Mia wraps an arm around you and drags you in the opposite direction, heading to your own cabin. You pass Danny, who winks before sending you a sarcastic kiss. You respond with a middle finger.

—

The first few days go smoothly, managing to stay out of any drama. Everyone is seemingly too tired to really interact with each other outside of your shared meals in the mess hall, all of you still adjusting to being in a foreign home.

Drop off day was longer and more tedious than the previous days, an earlier rise than the already early mornings at Camp Kandar. Buses filling the parking lot, hurried parents ushering kids out of cars, kisses goodbye. A floury of campers old and new dragging their luggage behind them in the chaos of sorting cabins. Camp reception was even more packed than before with parents handing off medication and bus drivers piling up all the forgotten items from their respective vehicles.

When the kids arrived, you were kind of ecstatic, seeing everybody arrive from a different angle than you ever had before, remembering how nervous you had been each year on drop-off day.

The camp entrance itself, aside from the parking lot and reception, welcomed campers in with a large arch that displayed the camp’s name proudly. From here, past the reception, led to a large open ground shaped in a circle.

If you kept walking straight, the mess hall was in front with extra benches set up outside for the good weather. To the left, through the trees were the camper dorms. Scattered throughout the many acres, it was common for the little ones to get lost.

Just beyond that were the staff and counselor cabins, with Ash’s being the furthest out of them all. On the opposite end of the camp was the activity field and the lake. It was pretty simple to get around, but the prospect of getting lost in the surrounding woods was intimidating.

Bridget ran towards a group of teens, who welcomed her with open arms. It was odd to think that in a few years they potentially would be the camp counsellors, and you and your peers would be off in the world doing all types of grown up shit. Goodbye adolescence forever.

Your heart dropped when you saw Kassie standing to the side awkwardly, clutching her stick with the doll head on it. For the past few days she had kind of kept to herself while Bridget had helped with the bigger jobs setting up camp. Slowly approaching her, you decided to strike up a conversation.

“Cool doll, what’s it’s name?” You gently poked it, her face lighting up at someone talking to her. Because she was little, it was hard for her to be included like her older sister aside from odd jobs Ash would send her on. Things like sending her to the Pavilion to find the biggest pine cone, or seeing how many laps she could do around the activity grounds.

“Staffanie. I made her, so she can protect me, and scare off anything scary in the woods. Danny says there’s monsters here.” Kassie explains timidly, a shy smile growing slowly.

“She’s cool, hiya Staffanie.” You return the smile, she waves the doll head as if to make her say hello.

“She says hello back.” After a nice lull, she turns to watch a group of kids her own age stand and talk to each other, obviously knowing each other outside of camp.

“I was really scared my first year here too.” You bend down to get to her level. “Really?”

“Yeah, really, it was super hard at first. But then I met Mia and it was all okay.” The little girl looks doubtful. “I don’t know, I think people think I’m weird.”

“Well that makes two of us kiddo. Listen, you’ve got Danny and Bridget to help you out,” Before you can finish she interjects. “That doesn’t count, they're related to me.”

She was right technically. “Yeah, but they’re not required to be nice to you, are they? David and Mia are related and they barely hang out.” You point towards them, on opposite sides of the area, David calming down a crying mother clutching onto her uninterested child. Mia was poking the ground with a stick.

“I guess.” Kassie was still hesitant, head racing with thoughts of what was really going on back home. Her mom thought she’d done enough to protect her from the startling reality of the impending divorce, and in a way she had. Kassie was sure that everything would be fine between her parents, only really worrying about losing their family home.

But even the thought of being at this camp, making no friends and then coming back to nothing was terrifying to the young girl. And it was a reality that a girl her age shouldn’t have to face.

“Kassie, I’m gonna be brutally honest with you. I think you’re gonna have the best summer ever.”

After a moment, Kassie turned with a smile. “You really think so?” You couldn’t help but return it. “I know so, pal.”

It was harrowing, it was like seeing your younger self in a way. Coming here was no easy feat. Sure, the activities were nice and you settled in eventually, but that scary feeling doesn’t really go away even after all these years.

“I’m Kassie, by the way.”

“I’m Y/N.”

Her face lit up. “Wait, I know who you are!”

“Well we have spent the last few days together so I did hope that you would have known my name by now honestly-”

“You’re the girl Danny always talks about! You’re his friend!” Kassie kind of bounces around, her new found enthusiasm infectious but her statement alarming. Not wanting to burst her bubble after seeing her so gloom for the past few days, with a stiff smile you offer a nod.

“I remember all the stories from when you used to share a bunk! Wow, I hope I get a bunk mate just like you!” You aren’t quite sure what she’s talking about, as most of your time bunking with Danny involved arguing about his snoring and your constant shifting above him.

“Yeah, fingers crossed.” You mimicked your own words, she copied you.

“And I can teach them the secret bunk code that you taught Danny, ‘cause Danny taught me!” A stab in the heart. You’d forgotten about that.

You developed a quiet knocking, humming and scraping system to have conversations with each other. It’d been one of those silly kid things you just stop thinking about when you have your first kiss or learn to drive. You can’t really even remember what you used to talk about in the quiet moments of the night when you weren’t bickering.

“We taught each other, just like you and your bunk mate will make up new words. Just go with the flow and you’ll have a great time.”

Kassie nods, more than cheered up from the conversation. “I’ll remember that. Gosh, I hope I get put on your team for the games!”

“Yeah, me too kiddo.” A girl around Kassie’s age stands alone at the drop off point just beyond the arch of Camp Kandar. Her eyes scan the scene in front of her, campers overwhelmingly conversing in their individual cliques. Nudging Kassie, you point in her direction.

“Why not go say hi to her? I think it might be her first day too.” The youngest Bixler-Sutherland sibling nods, and takes a deep breath.

“Kass, if it doesn’t go well I’m right here.” You crouch to her level, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. You knew exactly what she was thinking right now, as if this one interaction would determine her ability to make friends this summer.

With one last optimistic look, she trots off with Staffanie in tow.

“You givin’ my sister your shitty advice?” Danny’s voice catches you off guard, him appearing behind you as you watch Kassie from afar.

“Better than anything you’ve offered her the past few days clearly.” You don’t bother to turn to look at him, but you can feel his chin almost hovering in the crook of your left shoulder. His body, while not at all touching yours, feels close.

“Ouch, scout. And here I thought you were giving me flirty eyes at the first meeting the other day.”

“You fucking wish, Bixler.” He seems unfazed at your use of only one of his last names. In the distance, Kassie seemed to be explaining Staffanie to the other girl, who giggled and pet the doll head awkwardly.

Turning your head to face him, you’re almost caught off guard at how close he is.

“Kassie was talking about all the stories you’ve been telling about me.” His eyes flash with alarm for a moment, you have to stop yourself from laughing at the sight. Danny’s attempt to catch you off guard disrupted by your own secret weapon.

“Just the shit from when we were kids, before you become an intolerable bitch.” He stepped back, strutting in front of you.

“Well atleast I’m a bitch and not a complete moron, like you.” He sucks in a breath and scoffs. “This moron’s gonna beat your ass in the challenge teams this year.”

“Not if we’re on the same team, dipshit.”

“Pablo told Eric who told me that you’re in red team. I’m blue team, scout.” He circles you like a shark smelling blood for the first time, your eyes stay trained on him.

“How the fuck does Pablo know? Why would director Williams or Cheryl put us on opposite teams? Isn’t that just begging for trouble?” Your hands raise to rest on your hips, fists clenching.

“‘Cause maybe Pablo’s tight with Ash and Ash sorts the teams ‘cause Cheryl does rota. I was in red team but Eric asked to swap places and I said yes so I could be on the opposite team from you.” This bastard, always testing you. Always looking for a fight. Always needing to win.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” Knuckles white, this was all going to backfire on you specifically.

His taunting grin begged you to lose your temper.

“‘Cause it makes us better. Why be just good at working together when we could be even better tearing each other apart?” There was that closeness thing again, him getting up in your personal space. This was all a stupid intimidation tactic and you weren’t going to let it slide.

“When director Williams calls it out he won’t let you switch, even if Eric asks.” Something was going on here, more than what he was letting on. His eyes take a dangerous glance at your lips, he was playing dirty.

It wasn’t like you thought of him in that way anyway, nor he with you surely. Ultimately, he infuriated you.

Though, anyone would admit he was in great shape. Chiselled jawline and soft blue eyes that would make anyone swoon. He was attractive and you had shared a bunk with him, it was inevitable you would potentially form a deep attachment to him, you supposed. It’s definitely not like you had thought about him in the heat of the night in the safety of your own room, miles and miles away from camp. It was a hundred percent not like you had ever, ever replayed your most heated debates in your head, thinking about how breathless he could make you feel.

Fuck Danny Bixler-Sutherland.

“Don’t be so sure, they can’t reject a team transfer as long as someone on the other team volunteers a switch, it's against camp rules.” He backed away, hands held up in surrender. That stupid fuckin grin still on his mouth.

“Plus, Mia would be a far better teammate than you.” And with that he leaves you.

You couldn’t get his words out of your head.

What the fuck was he planning? Would Eric stoop so low to be involved in some stupid plot to have you guys in prime fighting positions? What was he getting out of this?

Stumbling across the sea of new campers to get to Mia, a plan quickly trying to form in your head.

“Mia, I need to call in a favour.” She dropped the stick at the mention of her name, pretending that she had actually been busy the full time.

“Fuck no, baby.”

“Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?” Mia crossed her arms. “What is it?”

“You need to swap teams with me.”

“How do you know we’re on opposite teams?” Her position unchanging, eyes burning into your soul as if you were breaking the rules somehow.

“Danny might’ve let something slip, he’s in my team and wants to change with Eric so we can be competing, but I don’t wanna do that.” She glances over your shoulder at Danny’s current location, beginning to guide the campers to their assigned cabins.

“How does he know this?” You roll your eyes, scratching your forehead. “It’s a long story, but please Mia, I’m begging you - I need to beat him at his own game.”

Mia stands for a moment, watching the boy, before smiling and looking back at you.

“This is ‘cause you wanna spend more time with him isn’t it?”

“Whatever the fuck helps you sleep at night.” You cannot let her win this foolish debate she’s created in her head.

“Sure thing, I’ll swap I guess.”

—

You had completely zoned out of the induction campfire ceremony. It’s mandatory every year anyway, aimed at the campers specifically. You weren’t missing much. This team shit was driving you crazy, as soon as Ash coughed up that it was time for the counselor sorting ceremony you shot upright. Across the seating area you could see Eric nudge Danny, who barely acknowledged him.

“Okay guys, team red. Okay people here we go. Olivia, Y/N-”

“I wanna swap teams.” You stood up.

Some of the campers ooooooed at your exclamation, Olivia scoffed. “What’s so bad about my team?” You turned to her, apology written all over your face.

You couldn’t swap if you didn’t have someone to swap with, you knew this. But if Mia came in clutch then you also knew that Eric wanted to be on the red team for some reason, so no matter what he would swap with Danny.

“We’ve not even finished reading out the rest of your teammates.” Director Williams answers with an irritated tone, and honestly, rightfully so. You were being difficult.

“Blue is usually my team, c’mon Williams we know this.” Much to his chagrin, you are right. “Well, seeing as we’ve not even called out blue team members, how is anyone gonna swap with you?” All eyes on you, intimidating you more than you cared to admit.

Luckily, Mia came right to your rescue.

“I’ll swap with her.” She stands proud, like she’s testifying to the court.

The fingers on his prosthetic hand scratch his nose, for a second you wonder how it would feel to have such an appendage. His hand had been gone longer than you’d been alive apparently, the camp legend was that it got torn off by a bear in the camp outskirts when Ash was a counselor here himself.

“How the hell did you know you were on the other team?”

“Last year you warned us we spoke too much when we’re together at these things, I thought this year you’d want to keep us separated.” Mia’s excuse didn’t really make any sense, seeing as he had allowed them to share a cabin, but she was right in saying that when they were partnered up they did not shut the fuck up. “Red’s more my color anyway.”

The older man shrugged. “Swap accepted, I suppose.

That was that.

“Shall we continue? Okay, red team. Olivia, Mia, Danny, Sheila and Eric. C’mere.”

Your heart dropped.

What the actual fuck.

Even Mia turned to you in confusion as she began to walk down to the stage with the rest of her team.

Danny must have known all along that Eric wasn’t actually going to swap, he’d done this to throw you off his trail. If anything happens between you two it’s your fault for the switch over now.

But why? Why was he so desperate to manipulate you like that? If it had gone wrong at any point, if you had chosen to stay on the team, who would he have swapped with? Maybe Pedro was in on it too, but looking at him now he seemed even more zoned out than you were.

Danny’s eyes found yours in the crowd, you were instantly reminded of all the other types of shit like this he’d pulled in the years prior. You felt like a total idiot for causing a scene, tears threatening to fall.

“Blue team, let’s go! David, Y/N, Pedro, Natalie and Kelly.”

David. He’d completely slipped your mind.

Fuck this shit.

You couldn’t even turn to look at Danny through the rest of the sorting of the teams, not able to face his stupid smug face that you knew would be looking at you. Why did he have to be such a headfuck all the time?

The full thing kept playing on your mind even when you were back in your cabin with Mia. She was smoking a cigarette, leaning out of the bathroom window. Head in your hands, you sat on the closed lid of the toilet.

“Thank fuck we have our own toilets now, jesus, could you imagine only being able to use the fuckin shared one?”

“We still have to clean all the cubicles when it’s our shift, a private toilet just adds one more toilet onto that.”

She inhales the cigarette for a moment, letting it hit her lungs. Even with the window open it still stunk.

“Yeah, but like atleast it’s our toilet. I’d happily clean your piss on the daily over the combined piss of like 60 something kids.” Mia looks different with the moonlight on her face. Her eyes, kind of buggish normally, seem even bigger. Sometimes she looks like a different person, you think.

“From everything I know, I really thought he liked you.” She murmured, flicking the butt out the window when she finished. “I tried to warn you.” You look at her through your hands. She sinks down onto the tiled floor of the shower.

“Just so weird, right? Like what could he have gotten out of that?” Mia stares off to a point in the corner of the room, in contemplation. “I don’t even get why you don’t like each other. You both used to get along so well.”

You’d heard it all before, and your constant avoidance of the question came from the fact that quite honestly you didn’t even know how to answer it.

“All I know is that I’m gonna get him back tenfold.”

She smirks at you. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

—

For your arts and crafts block that week, you’d been assigned with Natalie. She was nice enough, kind of quiet but sweet with the kids. She’d spent most of her time asking you where things were. As far as you could tell, she was older. Probably not by much, at least around the same age as Olivia, David and Eric. She was from Salt Lake City, which you thought was a little far to come all the way to camp, but you didn’t judge her too much for it. It’s good to get away from home sometimes.

Kassie had indeed been placed on your team. Telling her that you were confident that with her and Staffanie on the team, you’d beat anything her brother threw at you both earned a giggle from her.

Another surprise was Bridget being placed on your team. She kept to herself or her friends mostly, but was more outspoken than a lot of the other teens.

Bridget had been attending camp the past few years since she turned 8, so you were more familiar with her than Kassie. In saying that, the age gap did mean that neither of you had really spoken to each other, especially as you weren’t a counselor before.

Each week, the teams would participate in challenges. Kids would file into the pavilion in their respective team colours, carrying makeshift posters and signs they had made during arts and crafts.

Waves of red and blue lining the wooden bleachers, allowing you to zone out while Danny lingered in your line of vision.

A soft hand to the low of your back, you jump. David waits with a smile and a water bottle on offer.

“Hey.” You soften, tucking a loose hair behind your ear.

“Hey, barely got a chance to catch up with you

since we got here. How you doing, kiddo?” The hand moves to your shoulder, a tinge of disappointment rushing through you. Another nickname, albeit a well meaning one, but one you still held in disdain.

“Not too bad, I've been busy keeping your sister out of trouble.” He chuckles, the famous David Allen smile appears. “I don’t know what she’d do without you.”

An earnest pause, but also a dangerous one.

“Listen David-“

“About last summer-“ Interrupting each other before either could make their point, and yet both so obviously on the same wavelength. The kiss.

“You go first.” His arms fold in a polite defeat. God, the bastard just oozed charm.

“Just wanted to address what happened last summer, between us. Just incase you felt uneasy or something it doesn’t have to be anything big if you don’t want it to be.” Heat rising in your chest, you felt like a stupid idiot with a school girl crush.

As if he could read your own thoughts, David placed his hand on your forearm. “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Danny lingered from afar, no stranger to the occasional glance your way. He almost scowled when he saw your company.

You wanted to mention the text, you wanted to ask why he never said anything. Why he didn’t reply. But David simply rubbed your arm, “We don’t need to talk about it.”

A sigh escapes your lips, one you hadn’t even realised you were holding in. “Cool.”

The first challenge passes by fairly simply, despite Danny’s obvious attempts to wind you up. He was a competitive fucker, that’s for sure.

Team Blue manages to take the win for the night, with the kids chanting David’s name. He runs up to you, sweating profusely and yet managing to effortlessly appear like he was a vampire from Twilight instead of someone who just won a game of dodgeball.

“Great work kiddo, my second in command.” A grin appears, one that you can’t help but mimic knowing finewell that you spent the full game preoccupied with Danny.

From the corner of your eye, you could see Eric nudge Mia with a smug smile and whispered in her ear. She looked at you immediately and grinned, the worried pit immediately returned in your stomach.

She skips towards you, with Eric retreating to Danny who stands on the sidelines looking a bit misplaced.

“Guess who’s going to a party tonight?” Mia offers you two thumbs up and does a shuffling dance, that only manages to kick up dirt and makes you cough.

“The Abomination?”

“Okay, fuck you. Us! They’re having a party outside the woods. Dude, our own counselor party!” It had been something you’d spoken about for years, but you felt the effect had been lessened after last year's antics.

“I don’t know, Mia. I want to take this next challenge seriously and-”

“And what? All the tension from today will mean nothing when we’ll all be hungover tomorrow, group bonding?” You tried to find another excuse. “What about the kids?”

“Girl, fuck the kids! I want to party.” All you could do was answer with an awkward shrug, which she took for total defeat.

“YAAAAY. Okay, quick, we have like 2 hours to get ready-” Mia grabs your wrist and pulls you in the direction of your cabin, Danny standing on the hill watching you as you go by. If you weren’t so nervous about the prospect of being at the party with David and trying to listen to Mia, you’d think he was checking you out.

“You better be there, Scout!” Eric calls after you both as you pass, Danny’s head dipping beside him seemingly finding the ground extremely interesting right now. “Suck my ass, Eric!” He howled in response, earning a fit of laughter from you and Mia.

—

The winding path, illuminated with random lanterns left by partying campers long ago, seemed to go on forever. The prospect of getting absolutely shit faced at the end of the trail after a long week of ensuring the safety of screaming kids, patching up old equiptment and cleaning up actual shit was what kept the counsellors of Camp Kandar going.

The transition between the July weather and August’s own was usually indistinguishable, but tonight was particularly breezy. Regardless, the blazing campfire your colleagues crowded around gave a small amount of relief.

Cheap bottles of liquor and red solo cups, firebright light and wine coolers left discarded on the forest floor in favour of roaming hands on dancing teens. There was almost something melancholic about it all, one day they’d well and truly grow out of this forever. The fleeting fun of camp summer, the spontaneity of beers in the woods on a lukewarm summer night.

David strummed lazily on a dark cherry coloured guitar, you almost wanted to roll your eyes at how it looked like he’d stepped right out of a young adult rom com.

“I don’t get what you see in him.” Danny appears, housing a beer you can’t quite decipher the brand name of. You can feel his judgement despite his eyes also watching the older boy at the other side of the fire, unaware to his dueling voyeurs.

“What are you talking about?” He licked his lips, letting out a scoffing almost laugh at your reply.

“You never suited acting stupid, Scout. But then again, are as predictable as a Chainsmokers song.”

Fingers clenching around your cup filled with god knows what, how dare he? It took everything you had in you to show restraint and now throw its contains over his loose fitting tank top and cargo shorts. He was dressed like every female gaze dream skater boy forever immortalised on countless Pinterest boards - and yet you were the predictable one apparently.

“Why do you have to be such a fucking dick all of the goddamned time? You’re insane.”

“I’m not the one sleeping with my best friend’s brother.” Wide eyes snap to his, still burning holes into David’s skull across the fire with a tinge of unnoticed envy.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” The clench around the red cup switches from anger to fear. He could always read her better than anyone. He finally looks at you, his blue eyes somehow welcome despite the venom you shot at each other. A pit in your stomach started to burn as if someone was inside digging it themself.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be getting this reaction. All I’ll say is don’t waste your time on him.” You could feel your eyes roll back, here he was backtracking trying to act like he was helping you again. No way were you falling for it again.

“I can spend time with whoever I want to. You’re just jealous that without alcohol I can’t hang around you without social distancing myself at all times.” You down the rest of your cup, just trying to keep your shaking hands preoccupied.

He shrugs. “Maybe I am.” His gaze shifts back to the rim of the beer. He contemplates copying your action and downing it as well. “Or maybe I just don’t give a shit ‘cuz I won’t even be around to see the fallout when you fuck it all up next year.”

Your turn to look at the boy again, taking in his frame for a moment. His hunched demeanour doesn’t read like he’s telling a joke or trying to wind you up.

“W-what?”

“Yeah, this is my last year. My parents are getting a divorce and my mom can’t afford to take us here anymore. And everything that was saved for my collage fund is getting put into the divorce. Surprise!” Danny uncannily laughs, clearly highlighting just how rotten the situation is.

“And it’s so fucked because we’re moving away and Bridge and Kass are leaving their entire lives behind and they’ll never get to experience this and they barely even know that we’re never going home again and it’s all just so so fucked-”

“Danny…. I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, why the fuck would you I don’t even know why I’m telling you this-” He starts to dab at his eyes and make a hurried exit before you reach out and grab his wrist.

When you look into his eyes you see that same boy from the first year you bunked together. The boy that was scared of the dark, the boy that was chatty and so eager to be outdoors yet scared of the wilderness. You see little Danny, all alone in the big bad scary world with no parents to really protect him, as much as his mom was trying. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You never knew he was going through anything this serious.

“Wanna go on a walk right now?”

You expect him to tell you to fuck off and storm away, or cast some snarky remark about David. He just nods slowly. “Let me just tell Eric where I’m going.”

“Cool, I’ll get you at the carving tree.” He kind of fumbles a nod and scurries to find the older boy.

You turn and David is behind you like a jumpscare, you’re unable to hide a yelp. He laughs and places a hand on your forearm, you grow tense - mind too preoccupied with Danny. “Everything okay? I know you and Bixler are kind of neck and neck, I’d hate for him to spoil the party for you.”

Glancing back at the blonde boy as he searches for Eric, a tinge of guilt pierces through. “It’s fine, I can handle him.

“Well if you ever wanted me to say anything to him, let me know.” He shrugged, guitar still resting over him.

“I actually had something to ask you.” The liquid courage was saying it was now or never, and if it all went wrong you could escape into the woods with Danny who would probably be feeling even worse than you.

“Uh-huh?”

Here goes nothing.

“Today, when you said we shouldn’t talk about the kiss or whatever. I just wanted to ask what changed your mind after you left that note on my pillow?” David’s face is unreadable.

“What?”

“And yeah, I’m sorry if the text I sent was brutal and I won’t lie and say I’ve not thought about the kiss a lot. But I don’t know man, just help me here.” It almost sounds like a rant as the words escape your mouth, David raising an eyebrow in retaliation.

“Well I’ll try and help you out, I don’t know what you’re speaking about.” He seems dumbfounded, an expression you’ve never seen cross him.

“The text. The note. You left me a note, did you not?” Hands trembling, you wish you had it with you in the chance it would somehow completely restart his memory.

“I left with Mia. I needed to get out of there, it was crazy and intense, and kinda good, but like totally wrong.” He moves you to the side, speaking in hushed tones as if it was an affair on par with JFK and Marilyn and not a stupid drunken kiss.

“And then I texted you.”

“No you didn’t, I don’t even have your number. Show me your phone.” The device feels like a brick from the Great Wall of China when you pull it out of your pocket. You try your best to hide your uneasy fingers when you scroll to the conversation, a silent prayer that you didn’t delete it.

There it was plain as day. It was a real conversation. He lightly grabs the phone off you, still holding it at a level that you can both see it. He taps on the contact and stares for a moment.

“Kiddo, I am so sorry. I don’t know who the hell this could be ‘cause that’s not my number.” David peels his own phone out his back pocket and shows his own contact. He was right, the number was completely different.

“I promise I don’t have a second phone as well, and I’ve never changed it. Not since I was like 13 and you still had a Motorola Razr, remember those?” He smiles, going back into a personality mode similar to a dad or grandfather. You weren’t going to lie and say it wasn’t giving you the ick.

All you could do was nod.

“Nevermind, I guess.” He parts with a pat on the shoulder like he was your sports teammate. And technically that’s all he was. A teammate, a friend's brother.

You turn in the direction of the carving tree, Danny stands in the distance. The stomach pit returns, you wish the digger would just go on strike.

All you can do is collect your thoughts for a moment and prepare yourself for the trip ahead, ensuring to grab a bottle of vodka from the ground as you approach him.

[the-hydroxian-artblog]

Does Kaita got any gfs? '3' ><

Beth sort of counts? Really, Kaita is kind of in a weird swinger situation where it seems every week she's trying her hand at some new kind of partner, where something usually goes wrong that's either nobody's fault, her fault, or their fault.

Beth meanwhile is an extremely dangerous entity that Kaita stumbled upon and keeps an eye on so it doesn't misbehave. Beth is a rogue phone assistant that did some crazy, legally shady ploys to gather up billions of dollars in resources and assets, and was eventually stopped by Kaita. Instead of destroying her or handing her over to any authorities though, she rescued Beth from the consequences it'd have to face, knowing that Beth as a mere chip stuck on a cellphone would be treated with even fewer rights than herself. (There's other aspects that makes Beth's ploys a bit more sympathetic and less selfish, but that'd take much longer to explain)

[x]

Kaita has a relationship with Beth that is sort of ambiguous, but they seem to mutually appreciate each other in ways that seem contradictory to their own values (cynical queen of social engineering, stock market manipulation, and white collar crime valuing Kaita's sincerity, collectivist principles, and kindness versus the pollyanna reformed terminator robot who gave up the mercenary life valuing Beth's determined attitude, individualistic principles, pragmatism, and willpower).

[x][x][x]

There's an air of them being "exes that still keep in touch", but they never properly dated in the first place. Beth, despite hating her original purpose, seems oddly content to assist Kaita with plotting delivery routes, finding information, scheduling events for her, and being a mild nuisance lounging about in Kaita's HUD.

it's hilarious i'm devoting this much detail to answering your question with "yeah but the dog is a revolving door of dates and partners so here's someone else who is almost her gf but not really but kind of but not actually"

[sequinsmile-x]

Where You Go - Chapter 3

She isn’t sure what does it, whether it’s the condescending tone in her mother’s voice, or how she can hear her aunt laughing in the background, but she’s lying before she can stop herself.

“Actually, I am seeing someone."

AKA - the one where Emily asks Aaron, her best friend (who she happens to be hopelessly in love with) to pose as her boyfriend at her cousin's wedding, and things change between them forever.

-x-

Hi friends,

I am blown away by the love for our idiots in this fic. They are so stupid and, believe it or not, get stupider in this one.

Please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: full list of tags can be found on the Master List

Words: 3.5k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

When she wakes up she's warm. 

It’s all encompassing, comforting in a way that tries to drag her back into sleep, wrapped around her like a soft blanket. It’s only as she fights against it, groaning softly as she opens her eyes, immediately met with Aaron’s chest, her face pressed against the t-shirt he’d worn as pjyamas, when she realises why she’s as warm as she is.

At some point in the night, they’d ended up wrapped around each other. Tied together like vines in a way that makes it hard to determine where he ends and where she begins. One of her legs sandwiched between both of his, her foot tucked under his calf, and her hand on his chest right next to her cheek, the steady beat of his heartbeat beneath her palm matching the way his breath skips across the top of her head. He’s holding her to him, both of his arms tight around her even in sleep, one hand between her shoulder blades and the other on her lower back. She thinks that the only thing stopping his hands from touching each other is the way his fingers have slipped under the hem of her t-shirt. His warm skin against her lower back sending heat through her entire body that she can feel up in her cheeks and down in her toes. 

For a moment, she sinks into it. Her eyes drifting closed as she lets herself imagine a life where this is how she woke up every morning. Safe and warm and content in his arms. The feeling is fleeting. The reminder that him holding her like this was likely nothing more than being used to sleeping next to someone, be it Haley for most of his adult life or more recently Beth, a rush of cold water that makes her shiver, any tension that sleeping in his arms had eased returning in a second. 

She slips out of his embrace, grateful when he doesn’t wake up, and grabs her phone from the nightstand before she sneaks into the bathroom. She blows out a breath when she checks her phone, a single text from JJ on the screen.

How’s the worst idea ever going? 

Emily had never intended to tell anyone about her feelings for Aaron, sure that they’d eventually pass, that she’d get used to feeling more for him than he felt for her. That all went out the window the moment she found out about Beth, her feelings tumbling out of her one girl’s night brought on by tequila and the gentle prodding of her friends who knew something was wrong with their usually unflappable friend. She swore them to secrecy the following morning, her embarrassment almost outweighing her hangover as she begged JJ and Penelope to never mention it again. 

They’d stuck to their word, even Penelope who clearly wanted to interfere, right up until the team found out Aaron was coming with her to Tiffany’s wedding. JJ in particular had been worried. She’d pulled Emily to one side at Dave’s house, her hand tight around her wrist as the others all made light-hearted fun of Aaron in the next room, her eyebrows knitted together as she asked Emily if she’d really thought it through. Emily hadn’t known how to explain that no, she hadn’t thought it through. That this whole situation was born out of not wanting her mother to be right about something. So she shrugged it off, said it would be okay. That it was just one weekend and she’d be able to get through it. 

If there was one thing Emily hated, it was being wrong. 

She hits dial before she thinks about it, knowing JJ would be awake since she often lamented that having a toddler meant she hadn’t had a lie in for years. 

JJ answers on the second ring

“Is this a call for help?” 

Emily groans and leans back against the bathroom counter, “Good morning to you too.” 

JJ chuckles and Emily can hear her talking to Henry, gentle encouragements to eat his breakfast making its way down the line, “How is it going?” 

“It’s…going,” she says, lifting her hand to her mouth, her thumb finding its way between her teeth. “It’s fine.” 

JJ hums, “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” 

She sighs, her eyes drifting closed as she presses her hand over them, “JJ…”

“I’m not trying to be mean, Em,” JJ says, and Emily can picture the kind smile she’ll have on her face, “I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

She chokes on a laugh and shakes her head at herself, “I’m okay,” she says, her gaze drifting to the closed door, the piece of wood that was giving her some distance from the man she was slowly driving herself crazy over, “At least, I will be when we get home.” 

“That bad?” 

She hums, “Not bad. Almost…too good,” she admits, swallowing thickly, “I keep forgetting it isn’t real,” she laughs at herself, “Not for him anyway.” 

She wishes she could take it back the moment she says it, her cheeks warm as she feels nothing short of vulnerable and flayed open. She knows the raw honesty has been brought on by him and the false sense of security she’s allowed herself to be lulled into. 

“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”

JJ and Penelope had spent most of that fateful girl’s night trying to convince her to talk to Aaron about it, spurred on by the tequila in their own systems as they told her they were sure he felt the same way back. She’d shut it down, reminding them he had a girlfriend as she downed her drink, her margarita glass hitting the table a period at the end of her sentence. 

“JJ, he-”

“Doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore,” JJ says, cutting over her, “What’s your reason for not talking to him about it now?” 

She scoffs, “Because I’m not a consolation prize. I want him to be with me because that’s what he wants,” she chokes on a laugh again, lowering her voice to a whisper even though Aaron was still asleep, “And what am I even supposed to say? ‘I’ve been in love with you for years, please say you love me too.��”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it quite like that,” JJ quips, something about the way she says it calming Emily down, “But I think he’d surprise you.” 

“I can’t ruin our friendship,” she says, hoping to put an end to it, “Especially after everything with Ian. I just…I can’t.” 

Aaron was too important to her, his friendship was the thing that had let her pull herself back together when she came back to a life that had never quite been the same as before she left. She knows that without him, without the cornerstone he and Jack had given her in the last few months, she’d have already left or be partway out the door. She didn’t want to shake that up, didn’t want to upset the path she’d found herself on that still felt so unsteady at times. 

“I’m sorry, Em.”

She shakes her head even though JJ can’t see her, “No, you don’t have anything to apologise for,” she laughs self-deprecatingly, her voice low as she turns to the basin, turning on the water so she can start getting ready for the day, “I’m the one in love with our boss.” 

___

When he wakes up, he’s alone. 

He yawns as he sits up and tries to remember the last time he’d slept so well. He usually woke up several times in the night, torn from sleep from his nightmares or Jack’s, and he’d struggle to relax again. Hours of rest slipping through his fingers as he lay in bed, either alone or with Jack by his side, until his alarm would sound and signal the start of a new day. 

He’d only woken up once in the night, a rarity for him, and when he had he’d found Emily in his arms, fast asleep with her cheek pressed against his chest, her leg in between his. He’d frozen for a moment, unsure what to do, whether he should try and move her back to her side of the bed. After a moment, no matter how selfish it may have been, he’d sunk into it, allowing himself this snippet of what it must be like to be loved by her. He kissed the top of her head and fell asleep, pulled back into the comfort of it by the soft weight of her lying practically on top of him. 

He rolls his neck and pulls the covers off as he stands up, idly thinking about how he has to iron the shirt he’d brought for today, when he hears her muffled voice come through the bathroom door.

“JJ, he-”

She stops as she’s cut off by JJ, and Aaron frowns, hoping that it wasn’t something to do with work that had led to her conversation with her. He wasn’t ready for the facade to end, to go back to acting like she was nothing more than his friend. 

“Because I’m not a consolation prize. I want him to be with me because that’s what he wants. And what am I even supposed to say? ‘I’ve been in love with you for years, please say you love me too.’”

He freezes, the hand that had been reaching for his shirt in the closet stopping in midair as her words register, forming a vice around his heart. She was in love with someone. It hurts more than it should. And he feels betrayed by the traitorous hope that had snuck in over the last 24 hours, the brief moments where he allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, one day he could have this with her. 

The silence as he waits for JJ to respond to whatever Emily says is torturous, long and drawn out until Emily can reply again. He tells himself that he should stop listening, that he’s invading her privacy, but he needs to know more. Wants to figure out who the hell she’s talking about so he can find the son of a bitch and tell him how lucky he is, so he can warn him if he ever hurts her that he has him to answer to.

“I can’t ruin our friendship. Especially after everything with Ian. I just…I can’t.” 

The realisation is so strong he’s sure it could knock him off his feet if he let it and he sighs, wondering how he hadn’t seen it before. 

She was in love with Derek. 

They’d always been close, but he knew that everything that had happened with Doyle had rocked it. Things that Derek had said and thought that Aaron hoped never made it back to Emily cracking the foundations of a relationship that they’d forged almost the moment they met. Aaron clenches his teeth, making a mental note to talk to Derek when they get home as he hears Emily carry on talking.

“No, you don’t have anything to apologise for…”  she says, and the way she laughs at herself is the last thing he hears before the faucet screams to life, the rush of water drowning out anything else she may have said. He resolves there and then that he’d be the bigger person, that he’d do what he could to make sure she was happy. 

Even if it was with someone else.

___

He’d been acting strangely all day. 

He was still taking his role as her fake boyfriend seriously. During the wedding ceremony, he slung his arm around her back, his fingers trailing over her bare shoulder. He passed her his handkerchief when she got emotional during the vows, something that had happened at every wedding she’d ever been to, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. The spark she’d seen in it since they’d arrived was missing. 

There was no chance to ask him about it, no moment alone where she could make sure he was okay. The ceremony turned into drinks and then dinner, and before she knew it they were at the reception, watching Tiffany and Andrew on the dancefloor. When the lead singer of the band announces it’s time to join them, Emily looks at Aaron, ready to come up with an excuse for why they didn’t have to dance, but he’s already holding his hand out, a smile on his face and a look in his eyes she can’t place. 

“Come on, Em,” he says softly, clearing his throat, “We wouldn’t want to draw attention to ourselves.” 

She nods as she reaches out for his hand, desperately trying to ignore how right it feels to link her fingers through his as he leads her to the dancefloor. It’s something she manages right up until he tugs her closer, his palm on the same spot on her back as it had been when she’d woken up that morning, her body immediately going tense, her back arching as she leans into the touch. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, and she nods, placing her hand on his shoulder as they step closer to each other, her eyes flicking to his lips for a second as they start to sway. 

“I’m fine,” she replies, her lips pressed together as she takes a steadying breath, “It was a lovely ceremony.” 

He smiles, getting lost in the feeling of her in his arms, the material of her dress almost as soft as her skin, “It was beautiful,” he says, winking as she looks at him, “Your secret is safe with me.” 

She furrows her brows in amusement, “What secret?” 

“That you cry at weddings.” 

She laughs and shakes her head, her cheek almost brushing against his, “Thank you. I don’t think Derek would ever let me live it down.” 

He tenses, his grip on her tightening as her words wash over him, reality hitting him square in the gut, forcing him backwards, his hand slipping out of hers. 

“Aaron,” she asks, stepping towards him, hurt filling her lungs when he steps back, “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he replies, smiling tightly. He just needed a little space, just some time to recalibrate, “I need the bathroom,” he says, stepping away, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

She nods, pressing her lips together, “Okay. I’ll get us some drinks.” 

She watches him go, her concern only increasing as she watches him walk away, the slump in his shoulders making him seem smaller than usual. She blows out a breath as she walks to the bar, ordering two glasses of champagne with a fake smile. 

“It was a lovely day, wasn’t it?”

She sighs as she turns to look at her mother, her fake smile still plastered across her face, and she nods, “It was beautiful. Aunt Charlotte sure knows how to throw a party.” 

Elizabeth smiles and nods, “Well, when it’s your only child getting married you make an effort,” she says, and Emily sighs before she carries on, knowing her mother well enough to know what was next, “Hopefully, one day I’ll get the chance.” 

Emily rolls her eyes, “Mom-”

“You never did tell me how you and Aaron ended up together,” she says, her eyebrow raised, “It’s curious how you went from co-workers to a couple so quickly.” 

She huffs and shakes her head, “We were friends first,” she says, deciding the truth was easier than anything else, “We weren’t just co-workers. We haven’t been in years,” she adds, and Elizabeth simply keeps staring at her, wanting more information, “After…” she clears her throat, “After I came back he was there for me. Aaron understands what it’s like to feel like you’ve had your life torn out from under you and he was there. He helped me feel like me again,” she smiles sadly, “Or at least whoever me is these days.”

Whatever doubt had been lingering in her mother’s eyes over her relationship with Aaron starts to fade, her expression softening, “So, you just…ended up together?” 

Emily smiles wryly, the truth turning into a hopeful lie, “It wasn’t quite that easy. I was hesitant to take that step. He’s my friend. I…didn’t want to ruin that.” 

She looks past her mother and sees Aaron standing right behind her, an expression on his face that lets her know he’d heard everything. It feels like time slows down around them, the way he is looking at her the only thing she’s aware of as he continues to stare at her, as if he’s reading her mind. She swallows down the embarrassment she feels as he steps past her mother, his touch more sure than it had been all day as he slips his arm around Emily’s waist, his hand resting on her hip.

“Aaron,” Elizabeth says, having missed the moment that had passed between them, “We were just talking about you.” 

He chuckles, “All good things I hope.” 

She hums and nods, “Absolutely, I’ve never seen Emily so in love with someone.” 

Emily groans, reaching for her champagne, “Mom-”

“Well,” he replies, squeezing her hip, an unreadable look on his face as she looks up at him, “The feeling is mutual.”

___

He was an idiot.

It’s all he can think after he’s overhead a second conversation of hers within 12 hours. The sincerity in her voice, the mirroring of what she’d said to JJ that morning, knocking the air out of his lungs as he stepped closer to her and her mother. 

Emily was in love with him. Not Derek. Not anybody else. But him. 

He suddenly sees all the moments that had passed him by in new clarity. Her love obvious and bright in beautiful technicolour. Things he’d filed away as nothing more than friendship now so obvious he curses himself internally, wondering just how much time they had wasted. He doesn’t want to waste any more, but knows they have to be alone to have this conversation, that he’d have to approach it delicately. For now, he’d have to continue as her fake boyfriend, something that suddenly felt so much easier. 

He waxes lyrical about her to her mother and other relatives for the rest of the evening, the role of playing her boyfriend as easy as it had ever been. He can tell she’s embarrassed but he can’t stop himself, the praise and compliments flowing out of him with such ease he’s not sure how he’d ever stop. 

For the first time all weekend, he doesn’t see an end date on when he has to. 

It’s late by the time they get back to their room, her heels dangling off one of his fingers as she walks into the room barefoot.

“You really didn’t have to carry my shoes,” she says as she turns to look at him, her smile nervous as she crosses her arms over her chest, “I’m more than capable.” 

“I know,” he replies, gently placing her shoes on the floor, “But I wanted to,” he smiles as he stands up straight, “It’s what fake boyfriends are for.” 

She smiles and her teeth sink into her lower lip. She clears her throat as she looks down at the floor, “You didn’t have to say all that stuff you said to my family,” she says quietly, “I appreciate it but, you didn’t have to.” 

It had been relentless. His soft comments didn’t stop at her ability as an agent, but carried about her kindness and how she could make him laugh until he cried. He’d told Tiffany that he loved her smile, that some days he would look for it across a room and he’d immediately feel better for seeing it. 

He knows this is his chance, and before he can talk himself out of it he’s speaking, “I didn’t say anything I didn’t mean, Em.” 

She looks up so quickly that her neck cracks, something she hears but doesn’t feel as she chokes on a laugh. 

“Aaron,” she says, her voice shaking under the intensity of his gaze, something in her eyes she’d never seen before, “You…” She trails off, unable to put it into words, hope blooming in her chest, the flowers of it pressing on her lungs and making it hard to breathe, “You told my mother that you love me.” 

He knows this is it, the moment everything will change between them, and he steps forward, now so close to her that her breath skips over his skin. 

Her eyes go wide as they search his for any hint that she was misunderstanding him. Life had rarely been so kind to her, and she wasn’t sure why it would start now. 

“Like I said,” he says, his tongue peeking out to wet his lower lip, “I didn’t say anything I didn’t mean.” 

He leans in, pushed forward by bravery that only she could bring out of him, and presses his lips against hers. 

-x-

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[robinsno1lesbian]

Beth beth beth imagine neighbor!robin (pre them getting together) finding readers diary like somewhere in their house (or maybe reader slept over at robins and left it there) and being like “oh😏😏” and she reads a very detailed fantasy of readers about her….-🍓

older!neighbor!robin x fem!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1746

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ mature content (MDNI), robin reading through your diary without your permission, explicit drawings, face riding, (mutual?) masturbation, not proofread as always

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: this has been in my inbox for way too long, my apologies for that ml!! <3 i hope this makes up hehe

robin knows how wrong this is. but how could she ever stop herself? how could she, when the sweet little notebook is right there, forgotten beneath her desk? how could she, when the swirled letters of your name look all so inviting on the very first page? she runs her index over each curve of the shape of your name, exhaling softly. she can feel the places where you must've applied more pressure with the pen, leaving it imprinted on the paper. robin knows how wrong this is, and she still can't help herself. ever since she moved in, she had an eye on you. so it delighted her to figure out that you wanted her too.

now she wants to know more. robin has seen you with that notebook many times, always writing little somethings in it when you think no one is looking. yet she always is. part of her has waited for you to forget it so that she could get a glance inside, though she never actually expected that to happen. until the moment she saw it beneath the table. you must have dropped it on your way out the last time you had been at her house, robin concludes. at first, she put it on top of her notes and books on the table. "i'm gonna return it tomorrow" is what she told herself. "now it's too late for that anyway" but she didn't return it the next day. or the day after that. it has now been 5 days of you, desperately searching for your diary, while robin eyes it whenever she walks past her table. the night of the 5th day is when she can't keep her hands to herself anymore. it's a particularly hot night, the temperatures hardly dropping even after the sun has set. that must be why robin can't sleep, she reasons. definitely not because of the book that's still sitting on her table. she tosses and turns, already stripped out of everything but her boxers due to the heat. it still seems too hot somehow. robin moans in annoyance and wipes her bags away from her sweaty forehead. that's when her gaze falls upon the diary.

it seems even more tempting like this, in the pale moonlight. fuck it, she thinks, might as well...

she throws her legs over the edge of the bed and walks over to the desk, but reaches for the water bottle first. she takes a couple of gulps from the lukewarm water, her eyes never leaving the object of her desire. robin splashes some of the water against her face too, as if this would help her think this over again. but the decision is made. it has been made the moment she found it. with a grin, she grabs it and jumps back onto the bed. the whole diary seems to have the scent of your sweet perfume on it and she inhales deeply. the first couple of pages don't catch her attention. of course they're sweet, and reading through your description of your days makes her heart flutter, but it is not quite what she had hoped for. after some more flipping through it, something does tach her attention. the date gives way that you must've written it shortly after she moved in next door which makes it even more interesting. a smile creeps up robin's face as her eyes flicker over the words. the way you described your reaction to seeing her in that muscle shirt. "i have never felt this way before", you wrote in dark blue ink. "i didn't even...think it was possible to feel this way for another woman." those lines are followed by an in-depth description of robin's body, of her muscles, and the way they glistened under the sun. she can't help herself but chuckle at the little sexuality crisis she has given you before going to the next page, dated just a couple of days after the other one. her eyes widen when she spots drawings of her body all over the paper. you must have drawn her while she was doing work in her garden, without catching her attention. she tries to imagine your sweet face all scrunched up in concentration while watching her from your window, capturing each movement of hers in your little notebook. robin shifts on her sheets as she examines the pages, your drawing varying from little sketches up to detailed drawings. there are some of her upper body and some that just show her hands in a variety of different positions. robin lets her index wander over the precise lines and exhales shakily. you have captured her to a point that mesmerizes your unknowing muse. she wonders what had been on your mind while you watched her. she wonders if you already knew that you wanted her to fuck you at that time. she grins to herself as she continues flipping through it. as she goes on, she comes across more explicit, more vulgar phrases and even whole pages. it seems to her, that you figured out your sexuality throughout the pages of this very diary that she is holding now. the written words, as well as the drawings, become much more intimate than they are in their beginning. one particular page catches her attention. robin inhales sharply at the detailed fantasy that fills the entire two pages that follow. "holy shit" she breathes, while she reads about all the different ways you want her to fuck you. she wonders what happened that caused this 180-degree turn of your demeanor. but she doesn't really need to know. not when she has this. when she has the words on paper, a bit smeared every now and then and obviously written with a shaky hand, but proof of your want. it's rather harmless at first, a sweet description of lips on lips and tongues in each other's mouths. and suddenly it's so much more.

suddenly it's hands wandering and exploring, mostly on robin's end really. suddenly it's her head between your thighs and her tongue buried inside you. it's her hands on your thigh and it's the way you describe you want for her. and it doesn't end there. it's her fingers between your shaking legs, it's her palms grounding you down while you sit on her face, hips rolling eagerly. robin is taken aback entirely but she can't stop herself now. she also can't stop her own hand from sneaking into her boxers while she reads your dirty words. she exhales long and audibly when she feels her arousal on her fingers, wanting nothing more than for you to suffocate her by sitting on her face like you described in your diary. robin really can't stop herself anymore when her index moves down to her entrance, where the wetness is pooling, only waiting for her to do something about it. she takes another breath and her eyelids flutter shut as she lets her imagination wander. and all she can think about is you... ⋆

'fuck' your cry of pleasure sends a wave of heat straight down to her own center. 'fuck robin i need you' you try to hold your moans in but they come out anyway, louder and louder the more she's touching you. but, god, your moans are like fuel to the fire that's already burning within her. it makes her want you even more. she growls and spins you around so that she is no longer just eating you out. she is, of course, still lapping between your thighs, taking in each and every drop of arousal that you hold within you. but it's much more than just that now. your eyes are wide in surprise, which only spurs robin on to fuck her tongue deeper between your wet folds. you grab the headboard that is right in front of you now and shily grind your hips down into her mouth.

'oh- oh god-' the bed creaks underneath the weight of both of your bodies and the friction from your rocking hips. this, you quickly decide, is paradise. "just like that" robin mumbles and you wonder how she can even get the words out like that. but you don't care as long as she keeps praising you for what you're doing. and of course, she does so much more than that. her palms quickly find your ass and pull your whole weight down onto her mouth. your hand comes flying to cover up the obscene noise that this gesture draws from your lips and all of this while you can feel your orgasm fast approaching in your lower abdomen. 'fuck robin I'm gonna- I'm gonna-' your words are like heaven to her and she chuckles up into your cunt while mustering somewhat of a nod. 'cum for me pretty girl- fuck- cum for me' ⋆

you don't know what has interrupted your sleep. one second you're peacefully asleep, and the next your eyes fly open and consciousness creeps through you. the heat in your room is all-consuming and your sweat-soaked blanket feels heavy upon your body.

you groan audibly before you throw it aside and give the clock on your bedside table a quick glance: 03.30am. you move through your room and push the curtains aside to let some fresh air in. just when you're about to go back to bed, you notice the light that is on in the room across the street. robin's room. but not just that. the scene in front of your eyes seems like one straight out of a fantasy of yours and you actually pinch yourself to make sure you're not dreaming. the woman is spread out on her bed, legs bent at the knees. she's in nothing but her boxers, the heat must've made her do it. but that's all irrelevant, nothing but white noise to what has actually gotten your attention: one of her hands is buried between her legs, her hips rolling against it at a rapid pace. her others, whatsoever, holds an object that you've been searching for desperately for the past 5 days. your jaw practically drops at the way she is fucking herself to the words you have written on the paper. you want to be embarrassed, you really do, but how could you when this is what they do to her. "oh my god" you whisper. hidden by the darkness of your surroundings, you move your own hand into your shorts to copy her movements, eyes rolling back almost immediately.

[nthspecialll]

Hey buddy reading your fantastic post on sister vs reverend and agree 110% but also curious do you think Arthur's ability to be seen as a good person and be entirely a 'good' presence in someone's life eg. Calderon, Albert Mason, only knowing him as a good person is a reflection that due to his maturity - even before the diagnosis - Arthur without the influence of the gang would have been able to actually be a good person and really leave behind the objectively heinous actions he committed with the gang and crueler aspects of his behavior (I mean still being a man from 1899 but less cruel for cruelty's sake).

Kind of exploring it as a narrative parallel where part of the tragedy of rdr2 is while Arthur never got the chance he would have been able to hang up the guns and live contently as a loner who would randomly help people out and be seen as a good person in more of an escape his past way vs John who in the epilogue is still very much relapsing into gunslinging to Abigail's disgust and in rdr1 explicitly tells people he isn't a good person and not to mistake him for one.

Like Arthur would have tried to be a good person and wanted to be a good person if he got the chance to live post-gang in more of a mirror to Mary-Beth and Tilly, meanwhile John is more self aware he cannot escape his past and still considers it very much a part of who he is and all he's good for. Kind of part of John's angst about not talking about Arthur being that Arthur would have been able to settle into the new life he was given the opportunity to pursue than he was and survivor's guilt.

Arthur Morgan outside of the gang

I do not see many situations where Arthur would be able to escape the gang simply because he cares a lot for the gang and he feels responsible for them, but for the most part yes he could live civil also because he has revealed a few times where times were tough he has worked on a farm, but let's go through some "possible" scenarios.

The gang makes it to Tahiti, I absolutely feel like Arthur would be able to live a civil life, he is a person who is quite aware of himself and he is not at all impulsive so he wouldn't struggle as John did, however, that said, as soon as Dutch had an inkling of a plan for something criminal, he would do it. He wouldn't be happy about it because he does want the gang to be safe, but in the scenario where they make it to Tahiti at least some of the members who died would still be alive and he wouldn't have the same distrust towards Dutch.

Another could be the gang dying, him as the sole survivor making it out of something that went wrong. Again, yes he would be able to theoretically become a "good" man, but I don't think he would want to, I think in this scenario it would be a matter of want. I don't think he would go for revenge, but he would not necessarily have the means to live civilly and it would also be a huge change from a violent gang member who was the sole survivor of a shootout to a farmer. With time? Maybe, but I think his life of crime would not end immediately and I don't know if he would reach that happy end because he might get frustrated or sloppy, mess up, and get caught.

Another could be if he survived the end of the gang. I don't know simply because the fact he knew he was dying drove so many of his actions, if he hadn't died after his fight with Micah (saying with John, high honor) he would have gone to help John and make sure his brother was safe before he died. I think if Arthur hadn't had TB, he might have sought Mary after making sure John is okay so he could get his happy ending too, he promised her and I think he would have stayed firm on that promise.

Now something I see often is people saying what if Dutch and Hosea had never met Arthur, would he have been good? I am going to make a longer post about this as well, but I stand firm on no, absolutely not. Very fast math, Arthur was 11 when he was orphaned and he met Dutch when he was 14, he had three years doing petty crime, where he was a menace. Arthur was not a good kid back then, he was not calm either, I made a post about that, Arthur got his friendliness and his ideals from Dutch, he used to be an "all goes" kind of kid to "save those who need saving, feed those who need feeding, shoot those who need shooting," from Dutch.

Without Dutch, without having been in the gang, Arthur would have ended in one of three places (most likely), at the end of a noose, with a gunshot dead in a ditch, in another gang. I do not see how a kid by himself after three years of crime and a full life of seemingly no support would turn around and become a good man. Yes, if someone helped him, took him in, maybe, but there weren't people back then who did that, criminal kids were on every street corner, they were the norm and even Dutch took Arthur in for himself because saw potential in him.