#have readings and i havent even finished a third of the guide. and i am starving to death and exhausted and overwhelmed but i did this to

[summaryi]

When the Moon Hatched - Sarah A. Parker

reluctant 2/5

ok i havent finished yet but

the world is interesting so far

not enough known about characters

-------

but the one thing that might push this into DNF territory for me DESPITE THE INTERESTING WORLD

is the fucking fantasy spelling of known and existing concepts

like fucking dae and day

if you make up a creature person place concept whatever

yeah have it your way

use the beautiful spellings of faerie instead of fairy

but fucking

having to read dae which means day when the word day already exists and dae just means day

not my cup of tea

but i press on

wanna know about these moons

and the POV switches are in such tiny font compared to the rest of the text i was flipping back and forth to find it

and something just happened but im like?? i didnt have the time to get invested

so this doesnt mean anything to me

---

ive kept reading and im really torn???? some parts are breathtakingly sweet and soft, like a nostalgic memory

and some parts are

so

disjointed

huh??

i feel like a third of it is lovingly crafted

and tbe other two thirds are just slapped together to fill pages

its a weird fucking experience

-----

im fucking incensed what the hell

one of the chapters ripped my heart out and tore it into shreds

and three chapters later there are so many fucking unnecessary made up fantasy words just crammed together holy hell

was this written by two different people

and if youre going to use your own made up words

give us some fucking explanation or show and tell

if i dont know whats going on because none of the words make sense how can i fucking read jesus christ

what the hell is going on in this book

im actually pissed because the quality of the writing is so inconsistent

----

ok i finished it

am i fucking stupid? is it the kindle editions? or do all these books keep fucking putting pronunciation guides and glossaries at the back with zero indication they're there, not even a * or page at the front

maybe its a me problem but holy fuck

put the map at the back and the definitions and pronunciation at tne FRONT

AND THE FUCKING TRIGGER WARNINGS TOO WHY ARE THEY the last possible item

is it me??? am i the problem???

but like, ok, have the separate pronunciation guide and the glossary or definitions at the end

i still want some kind of BRIEF in-story explanation

people DO this to GREAT effect

it's fucking practical

and it does NOT break the stupid "show, dont tell" rule to have a character just do a quick "oh, MC is new/amnesiac/willfully ignorant, here's a 2 sentence primer"

anyways

overall, hate this book

it is NOT for me

i can sort of see why its paced and split the way it is? but also i cant

it feels very.......... it just feels like only a tiny sliver of the entire book is well polished

and the rest of it is slag, just tossed in

like????

the parts that i enjoy were enough to get me to finish the book but holy shit im pissed off

it could be so good!!!! but it's not!!!! overall the idea and the plot and all the strings are very good!!! but its so badly woven!!!!!!! except for a few shining hero moments

but what the fuck!!! it should all be equally good!!!!!!!!!!!

am i just a hater??? idk everyones fucking sucking this books dick and like

its like

a delicious meal that got dropped in a puddle full of shit

like there are pieces i liked! they were good! i see the potential! but fucking christ it was not a michelin experience and those tasty bites were not worth the rest of this meal??????? aaaaakrslhbgliugraiaubefigawrlharfk

[pepprs]

i am literally creating the magnum opus of my undergraduate career and quite possibly my entire life and i fucking feel like this

[blckdtd]

"Train"

i had a crush on a college friend for like three years already... maybe longer than that. im writing this post because ive dreamt about him this morning. i tried to sleep again as i still want to continue that crazy dream since it was a bit beautiful. we were happy in that dream. but im not sure if because we are together as a couple or as something else.

i actually really like seeing him smile most of the time, thats why whenever we go home together i try to talk to him and make him laugh or smile as much as possible. but, being a funny person was not my best asset, so its always... awkward. it also fascinates me whenever we dont talk at all, or when his face is blank with unreadable emotion, though sometimes im having anxious thoughts that maybe he was annoyed on why do i kept talking and talking when he is clearly not interested. those moments taught me to shut my mouth most of the times.

but how did everything started? ill try to recall everything dont worry.

it was summer, and we were still freshman in college, group chats for sections in our department were already made and people were already having some clicks and groups. i also found our class' group chats, and while scrolling on the member's list, he was the first person i added on facebook since i noticed he was quite good looking (young me dumb me. always lookinh for the face. apologies). but i never messaged him personally on facebook.

first day came in, he was the first person i talked to actually since he was the person i first recognized. but, during freshman year, he was not my seasonal crush. had a crush on two person on different sememsters, one for each sememsters, but i dont think theres a need to elaborate on that i guess. maybe another time.

sophomore year is starting to come in. summer after fresh man year, i found out that the four of us will be in the same section, me, him, T, and A. the thing is, we actually belong in the same group of friends, we also have the gc (group chat). when i found out that the four of us are in the same class, i started to have some panic or thinking, that "oh shit. he is my classmate. this year. he ll be on the long list of my seasonal mandatory crush (i know. it sucks to have this mentality, like i cannot move forward to my life without having a crush on anyone or anything). i tried to avoid the feelings because he is quite a nice person. but it happened after that event.

swimming class, this was the first day i guess??? i cant remember. but i know it was the swimming class. the four of us were kinda huddled together since we dont rrally get alonv with everyone yet, and the instructor said to group ourselves in to two. to be honest, during the time, i quite sure o dont have the feelings for him yet. so me and him like automatically paired ourselves, since t and a automatically paired themselves. then he said "lets go there". then we grabbed each others hand, under the water. i can still remember that time because after that day, i did not exactly have it in mind, but the longer the time passes, the more i can remember, and im pretty sure he dont even remembered that day.

we hold hands under water and he lead the way. it was not the romantic type holding hands, the one where people actually intertwined their hands, it was just simple holding hands. then we let go, and started the routines we need to do.

being that im the fat one, i did feel how his hands are kinds bony since hes quite thin. and he is also lighter, i even believed that i could piggy back him if he ask me too. i know that he is lighter when our instructor ask us to do a simple floating where we simply lay flat on the water surface. it was fun knowing that he actually cant do that given that he is a really good swimmer and he is lighter too, but i can, a non good swimmer even if it could save my life. i almost like carried him in my arms to guide him how to float, thats how i found out he is light, but thats okay, i also liked that about him.

then one day, i woke up, i said to my self. "shit. im having a crush on him. this is not good". what i hate about this, is because i have the constant need to show off or have his attention or be in the same grouos or anything with him... like? we are already going home together cause we take tge same train or something, im so greedy, attention seeker, obsessed, annoying. i also chat him on facebook most of the time, like i always need to find a reason to talk to him or something. almost the whole year of second year college was me being a bother to him or something, and i just fully realized it now. and if ever for some reason you read this, yes, this is about you, and im really sorry for bothering you all these years thinking that you might, well, "reciprocate" the feelings, in short, sorry for being immature.

til this day, some parts of my heart, wished that there are times where he did enjoy our small talks on the train, or if he did enjoy having me as a "friend".

i can still remember how we talked about the girl you almost become girlfriend, about how you felt when one of our classmate gave you something on valentines day, how i fucked up and confessed of having feelings for you, and how we somehow remained as friends even after that day. i know you told our other friends that i confessed my feelings for you, thats why they started teasing me about it.

i missed you needing me to go somewhere sometimes because youre not much of a streetsmart or always forgets how to go some certain place. i remember how i said that you can rest your head on my shoulder when we were on the train on our way to one of our friends house to make a costume, how i lend my earphones to you so you can listen to some music even though i actually love listening to music, how you waited for me on train station even though i was late. we had a meet up.that day because you want to buy something that we found while looking for some naterials to make the costume, well you waited because you barely remember how to get there in the first place. not gonna lie, i was kinda happy how you waited for me on that station.

i can also remember how we talked throughout our jeepney ride on our way to the station, im sorry to say this, but during that day, i somehow had a hunch that you were just talking to me because i kinda led our way on how the two of us will get home, because you dont always talk to me in first place, ever since that day you knew, which i did understood, but i dont know why i still.stood my ground on seeking yoir attention. ha! but yes i can still remember how i take you to your station on your way home because you dont know your way, i got off of the train even though i could have just stayed and have my way home. it was fun though, and so foolish of me.

why am i even head over heels on you even after all this years? yes until now.

third year college, i promised my self that ill try to stop having feelings for you. but i didnt. but we were on that level where we just accepted that yeah i know that you know thatbinhave feelings for you but we will just be civil about it. we were kind of a pair tbh, you can use my phone whenever you want since that was the time when yiu dont have your own phone. you actually have more photos on that phone than me lol. we were in a civil state to the point we even became automatic pairs on an activity in botany class. we even became thesis groupmates. you probably had the most contribution on that thesis so i still thank you even till this day.

i also remembered when you asked me to come with you to get your birth certificate since you actually dont know how to get one, not gonna lie again, i was kinda having a moment back there since we were in the middle of thesis day, more like finishing it up, but you asked me to come with you. we travelled like for almost an hour for that, fell in line just to have your id photocopied, then i instructed you on which line you should take next, how to get this and that, then i waited for you, again. so we can also go back to the university. i had some realizations that day. on the lengths that my feelings for you drove me.

i also remembered how we went home together like we usually do after that earthquake since the station had a bit of crack on its foundation. but we went to separate ways you rode a jeepney on your way. i walked to mine.

one of the things that touched me was when you asked me about my favorite band, why did i liked them, and you somehow, had some small history, that you listened to them before or something.

but there are also those days where we dont even talked about anythibg at all. we just stayed silent. and bid our goodbyes and take cares. maybe those were your favorite days, just kidding.

im not trying to paint you as bad guy for not reciprocating or anything. im just remembering things, and i need to let them out.

it kinda sucks when i didnt saw you on the last day where we need to return our graduation gowns because i need to leave early that day because of an emergency family trip to the beach. just a celebration because i just graduated.

im sorry i still havent picked up your drawings that i said i will buy just to help you. because i had a job that time and you still havent because youre supposed to go to a medical school.

our company had a job opening but i was too shy to send the invite to you, idk why. i did tried to talk to you again just like a normal friend but, i know i cant. even while writing this, i can attest that im still not in the best condition to talk to you because i still... cant move on. this sucks.

there are parts of me that wished i didnt approached you on the first day of class. or maybe i shouldnt held your hand under water. or maybe... i shouldnt have just let this.feelings swallowed me.

i dreamed of you last night. but dont worry, nothinh sexual. i dreamed of holding your hand again. and seeing your smile. softly playing your hands until they were intertwined. it was a good dream. i wish i didnt woke up. but i need to.

your smile was so beautiful, i rarely saw them actually even after hundreds of train trips we had together. i loved the sound of your laugh actually that will soon give your smilling face. i can even remember your eyelashes they were so beautiful, though i hope you werent freaked out when i looked at you.

youre a beautiful person, your smart, you sometimes dark humor, you being lowkey gentleman, your creativity and artistry. everything about you.

to end this, i hope you know that it is not late to pursue your artistic passion or to go to a medical school. youre a brilliant person Eli, i hope you know that also. and i loved you, as person, as a friend, as someone who i went head over heels. right now, i do wish we meet again, but in a different time, but now, i only wish you happiness and success. thank you for being part of my life as a simple college student.

[shan282-ao3]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Far Cry 5, Far Cry: New Dawn Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge & Joseph Seed Characters: Joseph Seed, John Seed, Jacob Seed, Faith Seed, Female Deputy (Far Cry), Deputy (Far Cry) Additional Tags: joseph/deputy hinted at, a touch of my thirst for john, minor spoilers for new dawn, i rewrote their deaths, my timeline is way off, i havent actually played new dawn yet, Oops, Slight mentions of torture, joseph is a dick, barely joseph/deputy, its there if you squint past the torture and manipulation, oof

Summary: Nora was the new junior deputy when she met Joseph Seed and all chaos broke free. The Judge wasn't a person anymore. They were a shadow, a puppet, a plaything, and completely devoted to the Father.

Aka my take on how the deputy became the judge.

I actually submitted this for an English assignment and my professor actually liked it.

Read Below:

The Judge hadn’t always been a mute figure who flinched at silence and thrived on violence. Years ago, before the world was lost and reborn, she’d been full of life and happiness, dancing through blissful fields, exploring the mountains and singing as she walked through empty vineyards and orchards. Before the bombs fell and the life in her chest was smothered, her name had been Nora. She was beautiful with eyes that reflected the sea and red hair that burned hotter than any fire.

She’d met Joseph on her third night as the new junior deputy. Joseph Seed was the charismatic leader of Eden’s Gate, the cult of Hope County that promised salvation when the Great Collapse occurred. What she knew of them was only from a video she’d seen on the internet, she had only just moved to the county and hadn’t even heard of them until a US Marshal arrived that morning to arrest him.

When Nora had stepped through his church doors alongside her colleagues to arrest him, he’d held out his hands and beckoned her to him with his violent ideas and apocalyptic premonitions. He’d unnerved her, his eyes masked by yellow glass showed no ill intent, yet still she could tell he was hiding something behind that facade. Intrigued and terrified of the pull she felt towards him, she’d cuffed him and escorted him to the helicopter. Her eyes, now darkened with worry, stayed fixed ahead and she did her best not to pay attention to the members of Eden’s Gate who screamed threats.

The helicopter crash had been something none of them had seen coming but should have all expected. Nora groaned and opened her eyes, awakened by the frantic sounds of their dispatch and eerie singing. When she’d reached for the headset to radio for help she was grabbed by Joseph, bloodied but seemingly unharmed, and froze in his gaze as he quietly sang before exiting the wreck. The next weeks were a blur, Nora had been rescued by a man named Dutch who’d pulled her from the river after she’d narrowly avoided capture by Joseph’s followers. She was introduced to the Resistance, people from all over the county who were fighting to keep the cult from destroying them all. She soon found herself fighting alongside them, liberating farms and family homes, rescuing kidnapped citizens, and causing mayhem for Joseph and his followers.

She’d just finished freeing a farm from Eden’s Gate when her radio buzzed alive and a voice she’d heard only a handful of times before in cult propaganda spoke directly to her. John Seed, Joseph’s youngest brother who was regarded by the county’s citizen’s as the most sadistic of the three brothers.

“My dear deputy,” John called to her, his voice, smooth like honey, would have made her melt if things were different. “You’ve been causing quite a commotion. I think it’s time we officially met. I’m coming for you.”

And like that her radio fell back into silence and she felt a shiver of fear run up her spine. She’d been marked and soon his chosen had found her and shot her full of tranquilizer and waking up being held up in a river. John smiled at her as she came too and clicked his tongue.

“This one’s not clean.” He’d said to the man holding Nora up and took her weight from him. His eyes were soft for a second before growing cold and his fingers closed around her neck as she shoved her backward into the ice-cold water. Drowning, she thrashed around until his grip loosened enough for her to reach the surface and get air. She’d managed to escape and the two played a game of cat and mouse for weeks until she finally caught him. Mimicking his actions when they first met, her hands closed around his throat and she choked him until he stopped struggling, the tears streaming down her face hot with disgust and rage.

Not long after, she’d met Faith Seed, Joseph’s adored sister and the woman happily drugging up members of the cult who fought back. She was the overseer of manufacturing the bliss they supplied members of the cult, a drug that left most in a euphoric and easily suggestible state. She’d caught Nora easily and the two had spent almost three weeks walking in and out of the bliss together before Nora and finally managed to break free. With pain stabbing at her heart, she’d drowned Faith in her own supply of bliss and retreated to the mountains, as far away from Joseph and his anguish and rage at the loss of his brother and sister as she could get.

Yet still, she wasn’t safe, after weeks of helping liberate the people in the mountains Joseph’s last surviving brother, Jacob, caught her. Nora was with him for nearly four months, he tortured, manipulated, and brainwashed her as he ran her through trial after trial training her to be one of his soldiers. She became his most effective killing machine, the song that tortured her and his gentle words of encouragement as she unknowingly gunned down people she’d once thought of as friends were something that she now craved. The morning he died, he’d played her song and she’d reverted into his killing machine and fought through a bunker of the Resistance. Once she’d come to, snapped out of her trance by the only two survivors, she was horrified and had spilled his entrails on the mountain peak.

It was finally over, she had thought. Nora had gone to the Eden’s Gate compound and confronted Joseph. Without his brothers and Faith’s bliss to protect him, she was able to take him down easy. She finally arrested him and drove towards civilization and safety. She’d had won, Hope County was finally safe. Then the bombs fell, the apocalypse Joseph had been preaching had finally come true and according to him, it was her fault. They’d both ended up in Dutch’s bunker after the blast flipped the car. He’d dragged Nora inside, swiftly killed Dutch and handcuffed her to a metal pipe. When Nora finally came to, he was sat in front of her, his eyes haunted as they both listened to the sounds of death above them.

“I finally understand.” Joseph had said after what seemed like hours of silence. “I prepared my family for the prophecy that God whispered in my ear, but you took them from me. I should kill you, but I won’t. You’re all I have left now, you’re my family.”

Nora shuddered and tried to move back but found herself trapped, he leaned closer until their faces were inches apart and continued speaking. “When the world is ready for us, we will step into the light. I am yours and you are mine and together we will march through Eden’s Gate just as God planned.”

He never stopped speaking after that, it wasn’t always directed at her but she could always hear him. Even when he slept, Nora still heard his voice in her head. It took him 7 years to break her will and another 3 to mold her into the perfect object for his affections. It wasn’t until he had plucked her tongue from her mouth to stop the constant blasphemies that streamed from her lips that she finally gave up the last of her fight and accept that she truly was meant to be his. The last 7 years of their confinement was spent in each other’s company, every now and then a spark of resistance would flicker in her eyes, but each time Joseph was quick to drown it.

By the time the world was ready for them, Nora was dead and the Judge had been born. When they stepped out into the sun just as he had prophesied 17 years ago, him in all his glory and her as his shadow, they were met with a new world. She could finally shed the remnants of her old self and embrace the Judge: a cross painted across her face in the blood of a sinner, a wolf’s skull hiding her own face, and a halo of bliss to mask her tracks. Joseph had been satisfied as she quickly took to this new world, judging the unworthy, showing them the path to safety, helping them atone for their sins just as his brothers and sister had. She was all the best of them now, a judge like a Jacob, a guide like Faith, and an inquisitor like John. He had tried to transform her into his shadow and it had worked, she was never far from his side, his ever-faithful shadow, puppet, companion, and personal executioner should the need arise.

The universe had finally been returned to its balance and the Judge came to realize that Joseph had been her savior all along.