#have literally spent an entire semester w him and NOTHING but the other day??

[mercurialshigh]

hhhfnfncnxxxmsksnfndjcnkdkdkd.

[vxlkyrie]

through my lens

pairing: spencer reid x reader

genre: fluff (god so much fluff), friends to lovers!au

warning: mentions of alcohol, cursing

word count: 4.8k

summary: spencer comes up with the best birthday gift a girl could ask for – along with the best confession

a/n: hey y’all, it’s been a hot minute. i apologize for going m.i.a. for a bit and only reblogging fics and gifsets. i’ve been trying to give myself a little break from writing after finishing my classes for the semester, and then i found myself having writer’s block. but now i’ve found the motivation to write again! i’ve gotten into criminal minds during this quarantine, and became whipped for reid. so why not start writing for him? hopefully i can write more for him. and with that said, i hope you guys enjoy this fluff-filled oneshot!

everyone in the bau had their hobbies. spencer loves to read, penelope knits, hotch golfs on weekends – just to name a few. 

when you weren’t creating profiles and catching unsubs, you were roaming around d.c. taking photos of literally everything. a rose bush, your lunch at the cafe down the street from your apartment, the beautiful cotton candy sunset. you were seen always taking a picture, whether it was with a dslr, a polaroid, or simply your phone. you also took pictures of the bau team whenever you all decide to hang out. 

a night at the club? pictures of emily, jj, and penelope drunk off their asses while grinding on each other. 

dinner after successfully closing a case? pictures of derek and spencer having a mini food fight and hotch trying to stop them. 

christmas sleepover at rossi’s mansion? pictures of rossi cooking and the ladies making cookies. 

jj’s wedding? pictures of the blushing bride and groom and everyone slow dancing with each other (until derek pulled your camera out of your hand and forced you to dance with everyone). 

let’s just say you have a wall filled with polaroids of your second family.

photography has been a passion of yours for the longest time. although, when you first started in the bau, you felt like a burden you stated taking pictures of the team in their happiest moments. but over the years, everyone assured you that it was fine and even encouraged you to continue, which made your heart flutter. 

but what made your heart flutter even more is when a certain doctor asks you for tips on how to get into photography.

“hey y/n!” a male voice greeted you while you were working on paperwork. you snapped your head up to see spencer giving you a small smile as he leaned on your desk.

you became close with the doctor shortly after you joined the unit. probably because you two were around the same age, but also probably because of the similar interests you two had. 

he would come over to your apartment frequently for movie nights and whenever he just wanted to unwind after a case and didn’t feel like going back to his place. 

the first time he slept over, you had to apologize for the lack of literature books on your shelves that were filled with scrapbooks instead. he told you it was no problem and found himself getting lost in one of your scrapbooks.

“no way! is that y/n in high school?” he practically squealed.

“what?!” your eyes widened as you ran towards spencer and attempted to get the embarrassing scrapbook out of his hand, only for him to lift it high into the air and out of your reach.

“why didn’t you tell me you wore glasses? you looked so cute!” he laughed as he looked up at the scrapbook that he held above his head.

“i looked horrible! give it back!” you whined.

“only if you can reach it.” he smirked.

“fuck you. you just had to be 6′1.” you pouted as the doctor continued to go through the rest of your scrapbooks (he especially enjoyed going through the scrapbook that was filled with pictures of the team).

and even though you complained the entire time he went through your collection, you couldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach as your feelings for spencer grew.

“what’s up, doc?” you beamed back.

“nothing much. i just wanted to ask you something.” he said as he fumbled with his hands.

“yeah, what is it?” you asked politely.

“i-i want to learn more about photography, and i was hoping you could help me?” he answered softly as a tint of pink spread across his cheeks

god help me, he’s so cute.

“yeah of course!” you chuckled. spencer’s eyes lit up with joy as he smiled wider. “what do you need help with?”

“well, the basics, and what kind of camera to use. although, i’ve heard digital cameras have been getting more expensive these days. maybe it’s because more people are getting into photography. i’ve seen a lot of websites that garcia showed me where people are starting photography businesses and i- i’m rambling again, aren’t i?” spencer scratched the back of his neck. 

you weren’t one to cut spencer off while he’s talking. mostly because he looked so attractive while doing it, and it still baffles you how that’s possible.

“it’s fine spence,” you softly smile at him, which caused his heart to speed up a little. “and honestly, using your phone is a great start into learning basic photography.”

“really?” he quirked an eyebrow.

“yeah, give me your phone,” you asked, holding out your hand. he pulled it out and handed it to you. “i know you’re like a technophobe, but this little guy is pretty useful, especially when it comes to photography.” you explained as you opened the camera app, showing him the different features on it. “now here’s a grid. ever heard of rule of thirds?”

spencer shooked his head, which surprised you.

“oh really? well basically...” you started to speak.

spencer started zoning out. he already knew what the rule was, but he just wanted an excuse to stare at you.

the resident genius has been in love with you ever since you joined the unit. and his feelings grew even more after finding out you both have a love for halloween and science fiction. but of course, he never acted on it. the poor boy was already shy enough, and after being rejected several times, he especially doesn’t want to ruin his friendship with you.

oh y/n, if only you knew...

“so overall, it’s a great way to line up your photos,” you finished explaining, turning your head to see spencer spacing out. “you okay spencer?” you waved a hand over his face.

“w-what? oh yeah, i’m fine. rule of thirds is my best friend when taking pictures. got it.” he blinked, making you chuckle.

“hey pretty boy, we’re being summoned by garcia.” a deep voice said as a hand slapped over spencer’s shoulder.

“hi derek!” you smiled.

“hey sugar,” he winked. “come on reid, let’s go.” derek turned to spencer. spencer nodded at the older man and started to walk.

“thanks again y/n!” he yelled over his shoulder.

“of course! if you need anything, just let me know!” you yelled back as you continued working on your paperwork.

“anything?” derek whispered, teasing spencer as they made their way to penelope’s office.

“stop. she was just teaching me some stuff about photography.”

“you are such a sucker for her. just tell her you like her already. we all know you both are in love with each other.” derek rolled his eyes.

“she’s not in love with me.”

“you have an iq of 187 and for what? you don’t have to be a genius to know that she feels the same way.” derek said as he opened the door.

-

“ah my lovelies are here!” penelope said as she hugged derek and spencer.

“what’s up baby girl?” the formal asked.

“i’ve already told emily, jj, hotch, and rossi this, but i am planning a surprise birthday party for y/n at rossi’s place!” she clapped joyfully.

“isn’t her birthday like a month away?” spencer raised an eyebrow.

“i don’t even think she remembers that her birthday’s coming up soon.” derek added.

“which makes this even easier,” penelope smiled. “the week of her birthday, we will be going over to rossi’s house after work and we will help decorate. the night of the party, spencer, you will be driving her to rossi’s. just say that we’re all meeting up to go to a club or something.” she quickly said.

“i guess that’s possible.” the younger boy slowly nodded.

“are you sure she isn’t gonna be suspicious that reid’s willing to go to a club?” derek asked.

“hey!”

“he’s a genius, he’ll come up with some excuse,” penelope said. “okay great. let’s go team! now get out please.”

spencer slowly walked down the hall that lead back to the bullpen.

what am i gonna get her this year? i already got her the whole star wars saga collection. this gift has to be more sentimental. 

he bit his lip in deep thought.

then suddenly, a light bulb flickered on above his head.

that’s it!

-

a month passes by quickly when you're working on cases mostly every day. 

there were a few times where you would have the day off or at least the night off after a long day at work. you spent those times with the bau, whether it was having a night in with the girls, checking out the costume stores with spencer (who cares if it’s nowhere near october?), or even a spontaneous night out at the karaoke bar.

the rest of the team have managed to sneak around during the week of your birthday, gathering party decorations and gifts, making sure everything is set up correctly before the big day.

spencer worked very hard on his gift for you, adding the finishing touches as he stored it in a closet that was filled with the rest of the team’s gifts.

set up for y/n’s birthday party – check.

and in a blink of an eye, it was your birthday and the night of party. the team was flying back from a case that took several days, and you want nothing more than to knock out on your bed.

“the night is still young! let’s all go out!” emily exclaimed as you all gathered your belongings in the bullpen. derek nodded his head in agreement, catching on to emily’s little scheme.

“hell yeah, i’m in!” jj responded. “how about you, y/n?”

“i don’t know guys, i’m pretty tired.” you yawned.

“come on y/n, you have to come with us.” emily pouted.

“what’s happening?” penelope walked in.

“we’re gonna hit the clubs, you in?”

“definitely. spence, you coming?” penelope looked at him as if she had telepathically sent him a message. spencer widened his eyes.

“u-uh, yeah. i’m in.” he gave a small smile.

“look y/n, even reid’s coming! you love clubbing with us. it’s gonna be a great time!” jj said as she held your arms. you sighed.

“fine. i’ll meet you guys in like two hours, okay?”

the ladies cheered in victory.

“perfect! let’s pregame at rossi’s and then we’ll all go together.” emily said.

“great! spencer, do you mind driving me to my apartment?” you said as you turned towards him. he shook his head in response and you both headed towards the parking lot.

get y/n to come over to rossi’s – check.

-

after you got ready, spencer drove to rossi’s mansion as you sang to throwbacks.

he changed into a simple black dress shirt and jeans (and of course, his converse) while you wore a black off-the-shoulder mini dress and heels. your makeup was flawless as well as your curled hair.

spencer couldn’t help but think you looked beautiful in this moment, and can’t wait for the surprise he and the team had in store for you.

soon, you two were parked in rossi’s huge driveway.

“she’s here!” spencer texted penelope as soon as he put the car in park. he ran over to your side of the car and opened the door for you.

“what a gentleman! thank you, kind sir.” you smiled and reach out for spencer’s hand as he helped you out of your seat. you two walked to the front door to see rossi standing with a huge grin on his face.

“hey rossi!” you greeted while hugging him. he grabbed your hand and opened the door and slowly let you in, with spencer trailing not too far behind. “where is everyone?” you asked as he led you to the dark living room.

“surprise!” many voices shouted. your eyes widened as the lights turned on, only to see your closest friends and everyone from the bau and their families smiling at you. even the kids were there.

there were balloons that floated onto the ceiling. foil curtains that filled up rossi’s wall (he wasn’t a big fan of it, but he was willing to hang it up because it was all for you). tables filled with drinks, food, and gifts. and don’t forget the banner that hung across the threshold leading to the backyard that read ‘happy birthday y/n!’

you felt yourself tearing up.

“oh my god!” you patted around your eye area. “i love you all, but goddamnit you almost made me ruin my mascara!” you yelled jokingly, earning laughs from everyone (even hotch).

“happy birthday!” rossi said as he hugged you and kissed your cheeks. everyone gathered around you to hug you, take pictures with you, and say their happy birthday’s.

“happy birthday, sugar.” derek hugged you.

“i honestly forgot that it was today.” you laughed as he joined you.

even spencer gave you a bear hug and a kiss on the forehead, which made your face heat up.

“happy birthday y/n.” he smiled at you.

you were in euphoria as the party went on. you were dancing with your best friends and the bau ladies (and derek) as music blasted throughout the backyard. everyone was occupied, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves, even spencer, who was having a beer while conversing with hotch.

“so when are you gonna tell y/n you like her?” he asked spencer who was looking at you like you’re the only thing in the world. spencer turned his head towards his boss.

“soon.” he smiled, sounding very determined.

“as much as i love seeing you guys dance your asses off, it’s time for the birthday girl to blow out her candles.” rossi announced.

everyone gathered around the table as you walked towards the table, seeing a beautifully decorated cake with lit candles placed in front of you. they all sang happy birthday (with hotch recording everything), making you smile from ear to ear while trying not to tear up again. soon, you blew out your candles, followed by cheers. rossi helped cut the cake and distributed it to everyone.

“as soon as everyone gets their slice, please go to the living room so y/n can open her gifts!” he shouted. everyone obeyed and started to walked back inside. spencer’s eyes widened.

shit. 

“you okay, kid?” derek asked, approaching spencer.

“uh, yeah?” he answered, clearing his throat as an attempt to try to hide his panicked expression.

“what’s got you nervous?”

“i-i didn’t know she was gonna open her gifts in front of everyone.” spencer practically whispered.

“why? what’d you get her?” derek smirked.

“i guess you’ll see.” spencer sighed.

-

everyone sat in the living room, facing you as you opened your gifts. every time you opened one, your heart melts even more.

when you opened rossi’s gift, you thought you were gonna pass out.

“rossi, i cannot take this!” you exclaimed as you held a box that contained a new camera. “this must’ve costed you a fortune!” you tried to give rossi the box, but he simply shook his head.

“you’re like a daughter to me, y/n. of course i had to spoil my child!” he said as everyone laughed around him.

“i can assure you buying that camera certainly did not put a dent in his bank account.” emily quipped. you thanked rossi with a hug and continued to open more gifts in your seat between spencer and emily.

you were curious when you lifted a slightly heavy bag from hotch. you gasped as soon as you looked inside to see a brand new laptop sitting inside.

“hotch, you shouldn’t have!”

“i know you recently broke your laptop, so i figured why not save you the trouble of getting one. you also deserve it after being such a great addition to the team.” he said, giving you a small smile as you hugged him.

emily bought you a ton of polaroid film and sd cards, as well as a bottle of wine – the key to a girl’s heart.

“these are exactly what i needed, thank you babe.” you kissed her cheek.

jj and will bought you a vinyl player along with a few vinyls from your favorite artists. they also added a few drawings of you that henry made that had ‘auntie y/n’ written on all of them.

“i am definitely putting these on my fridge.” you said as you lightly ruffled the little guy’s hair.

derek got you a pair of headphones (from the same brand as his) so you didn’t have to borrow his during the plane ride home.

“now we can both listen to our own music with our own headphones.” he teased, hugging you as you chuckled.

penelope’s gift had you screaming. you opened the box and moved the tissue paper to see a whole lingerie set laid out. spencer’s eyes widened as derek whistled, while hotch and rossi where trying not to laugh their asses off. jj immediately placed her hands over henry’s eyes.

“how did you get my size right?!”

“i have my ways.” she winked at you.

you had one more gift to open – spencer’s gift.

“you don’t have to open mine.” spencer whispered to you. you raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“why not? i opened everyone’s.”

“it’s not as good as everyone else’s.”

“spence, it doesn’t matter how expensive a gift is. you could literally give me a fake plant and i will love it until the day that i die.” you smiled at him, causing his face to slightly heat up.

“well, prepare to be disappointed because i definitely did not get you a fake plant.” he said. you scoffed.

“come on spence, how bad could it be?” you said as you pulled out an object from the gift bag. you curiously looked at it.

is it a book?

“what is it?” you asked spencer.

“well, o-open it.” spencer shyly said.

you turn the cover to see a collage of pictures. it was a small scrapbook. you examined the pictures only to realize they were picture of you. you started blushing as you flipped through the pages and recalled where several of the pictures have been taken. you didn’t even realize spencer was taking pictures of you half of the time.

-

you were having a sleepover with the girls, drinking and crying over captain america. you heard a knock on the door.

“must be the pizza guy, i’ll get it!” you stood up. you opened the door to see spencer standing there.

“hey y/n! ready to watch the new season of doctor who?” he clenched his messenger bag in excitement as he entered your apartment, shocked to see his coworkers sitting on the couch while the tv played.

“that was tonight? oh spencer, i’m so sorry. i completely forgot.” you said, feeling guilty.

“oh, that’s fine. we can always watch doctor who another time.” he reassured.

“how about you join us spencer?” penelope chirped in.

“i don’t want to intrude on your sleepover.” spencer shook his hands in front of him.

“yeah, come join us! you’re already here, and i think you left some of your pajamas somewhere.” you raised your eyebrows at him with a pleading smile on your face.

how could he resist when you’re looking at him like that?

“fine.” he gave in as the girls cheered.

as soon as he knew it, he was listening in on the gossip as the girls did each other’s nails. you laughed as you smeared a green substance on your face.

“what’s that on your face y/n?” spencer asked, earning a few giggles from emily and jj.

“it’s a facial, spence. it’s good for your skin. you want to try it?” you asked as you held out the container towards him. he nodded. “you want me to put it on for you?” he nodded again.

spencer tried his hardest not to blush while your fingers brushed against his face. he could smell the faint scent of mint from the facial along with the lavender from your shampoo.

“okay, and we’re done. wait for half an hour and then wash it off.” you said as you both took a seat on your couch.

once you started paying attention to the movie, spencer stole glances in your direction, watching you react to the movie. he couldn’t help but pull out his phone and snapped a picture of you (thank god his phone was on silent).

he smiled to himself one more time before putting his focus back onto the movie.

-

“spencer, what are we doing here? it’s july!” you said as you two entered the costume shop.

“it’s never too early to plan your halloween costume, y/n.” he laughed as you looked at the masks that hung from the wall. he busied himself, browsing through different costumes.

should i be frankenstein? maybe i should go for steampunk this year?

“check this out spence!” your muffled voice caught his attention. he looked to see you dancing around while wearing one of the masks. 

spencer laughed at you while you continued to dance in the middle of the aisle. he took out his phone and took a photo of you, not caring that your arms turned out blurry while you were flailing your arms around.

“that was fun,” you took off the masks. “anyways, what kind of costume are you going for this year?” you asked as your ran your fingers through your hair, trying to fix it.

spencer was too busy looking at you.

“spencer?” you said with confusion. “spence?”

he slightly shook his head.

fuck, she caught me staring.

“what? oh, i don’t know yet. how about you?” he asked back.

“hmmm, i’m not sure either. i might just play it safe and be a devil or something.” you said as you tried on headbands that had plastic horns glued onto them. you looked at the section next to the devil costumes and saw a bunch of angel costumes. you took one of the halos and placed it on spencer’s head, practically jumping to get it on him. “maybe you should be an angel this year.”

“you think so? why?” he asked, suddenly feeling shy.

“well, maybe cuz you are one?” you grinned.

spencer’s heart raced for hours afterwards.

-

“happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday dear emily! happy birthday to you!” the whole team sang as they raised their glasses to the girl of the hour. you couldn’t help but take pictures of everyone as they downed their drinks and hugged emily.

after the team found out it was the brunette’s birthday, you all collectively decided to spend the rest of the evening renting out a room at the karaoke bar to celebrate.

“thank you guys! i fucking love all of you!” emily yelled. you could tell she was tipsy. “now someone put something on, i want to get drunk and sing until my vocal chords explode!”

“well, actually, your vocal chords-” spencer started.

“shh, not right now spence. someone give me a microphone.” emily bit back. you patted your hand on spencer’s back.

after a few rounds of singing from everyone, you decided to do a number with the rest of the girls. you were in the zone, belting out notes you never thought you could do. but with a little bit of liquid courage, you channeled your inner whitney houston as you all sang ‘i wanna dance with somebody.’

hotch was recording (as always) as rossi and derek cheered you all on.

“let’s go baby girl!”

spencer was clapping along, watching you have the time of your life. he had the biggest smile on his face as he took pictures of you singing. he knew that he had it bad for you once you started dancing. but when he didn’t see coming was when you placed your hand on his and pulled him up to his feet.

“dance with me spencer!” you giggled as you whipped your head side to side. you definitely had too much to drink.

“come on pretty boy!” derek hollered. spencer started to pick up the rhythm and moved with you and the girls. the rest of the guys soon joined in and started dancing.

at times like this, spencer is grateful that he chose not to stay in.

-

as you flipped through the rest of the pages, you felt a few tears started to form in your eyes. you skimmed through the rest of the pictures. 

some of them were pictures of you sleeping. on the jet, on the couch in your pajamas during a movie marathon, on rossi’s bed in one of the guest rooms after having one too many glasses of wine.

some of them had spencer in it. once you taught him what selfies were, he took one with you every time the team flew out of state, or even if you two were just getting coffee before work.

there were some where you weren’t even paying attention and spencer was closer to the camera and made it look like he was squeezing your small head.

and there were even a few where you had your hand close to the camera. they were pictures of you when spencer would catch you off-guard. they weren’t the best pictures, but it felt right for him to print them out.

“spence, what are you doing?” you asked as you tried to push his phone away from your face.

“i’m just taking a picture of you!” he giggled.

“why? i look ugly!” you whined.

“no you don’t!” he blurted out as you playfully shoved his phone towards him as he continued taking pictures of you.

“sometimes, i really do hate you.” you joked, ignoring the fact that he said he doesn’t think you’re ugly.

you laughed at the pictures as your heart picked up its pace. aww’s were coming from everyone, making spencer blush an even deeper pink. you got to last page of the scrapbook. instead of seeing a page full of pictures, you saw a familiar handwriting that filled the page.

is this a letter?

“what does it say?” one of your friends asked.

you looked at spencer for permission to read it out loud. he hesitantly nodded. by the looks of it, everyone already knew why he made you a scrapbook, might as well go all the way.

you took a deep breath and started reading.

for the part-time photographer, full-time badass profiler:

dear y/n,

you have been a light in everyone’s life, especially mine. you brought happiness to a team during their darkest times, and you have always been there for me during mine. 

to the girl who is always seen taking pictures of everyone around her, you deserve to be photographed. 

through your lenses, i am one of the many people that fill up your scrapbooks and walls, but through my lens, you are the most beautiful person my camera has ever captured (and even then, these pictures don’t do you justice).

you are the kindest, brightest, and most breathtaking person i’ve ever met, and i am so lucky to have fallen in love with you.

happy birthday!

love, spencer.

you didn’t even notice the small pool of tears that sat over the letter. thank god the pages were protected. even penelope, emily, and jj were crying.

“oh, spencer.” you sighed as you pulled him in for a bone-crushing hug. he immediately hugged you back, placing his face in the crook of your neck. you pulled away to look at him.

“did you like it?” he whispered as he wiped away the stray tears on your face.

you smiled at him and leaned towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his lips. he smiled as he kissed you back. loud cheers and applauds can be heard from around the room, but the only things you can hear are yours and spencer’s beating hearts.

“my man!” derek yelled. everyone pulled out their phones to capture this sweet moment.

you both pulled away from each other, not being able to wipe the stupid smiles off your faces.

“i’m guessing you liked it.” spencer quipped, making you laugh.

“i love it. and i love you too.” you grinned. 

spencer pulled you in for another kiss, until you hear several clicks. you turned to see everyone with their phones pointed at you two. you hid your face in his neck in embarrassment, spencer laughing as he held you.

“this is definitely going in the scrapbook.” he chuckled.

[2idiots]

Wave inspired!Seonghwa au x reader

summary: Maybe just maybe the boy out in the water can make you loosen your stance up on the tourists crowding your town

word count: 2.1k-ish 

warnings: none

gender neutral!reader

The first time you see him you’re walking home from work along the sea wall, your work bag clutched tightly between your arm and polyester polo, a scowl weighing heavily across your face

Every year this time (summer) rockets you directly into a terrible mood, it is literally clockwork and here’s why:

tourists

these rich people and their bad manners flock to your town to spend their summer breaks at the resorts, littering your beaches, buying your groceries, taking your space, and just generally being pretenious dicks

last year you and the rest of town spent a full week cleaning the beaches after the last of the out-of-towners were gone

But this boy, this boy was different

After all it was sunset and he was out in the water fully clothed looking like he walked out of a calvin klein shoot or some shit

the light spilling through the sky cast a orange glow, lighting him up like angel 

you were kinda dumbstruck standing on the seawall staring at him for a good minute

he looked like an angel and you looked like someone smacked you over the head with a frying pan, primarily because you had spent the entire day (and all your energy) responding to terrible customers

No they can not just bargain the prices with you because guess what...

You D O N ‘ T set the prices

and as much as they complained about the price on beer you C O U L D N O T change the price, and even if you could you clocked that gold rolex and the expensive pressed polo the minute they walked in so you sure as hell W O U L D N O T

they could more than afford the price of your store’s beer and after they had it they were insufferable

Then there was a women who made you count back your change three times because she thought you were stealing from her, stealing insignificant change

Needless to say you also wanted to get into the ocean in your clothes too and maybe swim out to an island without any people and live the rest of your days as hermit lost in nature

because wow humanity S U C K S

But you had to save money up for the fall semester so that meant putting up with some of the worst of humanity for you bigger dream; that just didn’t leave a lot of space for seeing the good in many people especially out-of-towners

so this mysterious swimmer was probably just another annoying tourist, being pretty didn’t mean he was nice too

so you put him out of your mind that first night

but you kept seeing him on your walk home from work in the heat of the setting sun: always in the same spot, always sporting clothes that weren’t made for swimming

you saw him so much you were actually getting curious, some of your anger lessening, especially when you saw him picking up trash along the shoreline

It wasn’t until your day off that you finally spoke to him and by spoke you ran head first into him walking through the beachfront shops with your friends on your day off

he was surrounded by a group of friends with colorful hairstyles that were all laughing and playing around

you on the other hand were sporting your first non-customer service smile in weeks and you were holding a very precious cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream

Well you were holding it because now it was all over this boy’s shirt and you were mortified and grieving the loss of your ice cream

“oh my god, my ice cream” is the first and only thing out your mouth so maybe not mortified just grieving

Sure you should’ve said sorry but all your apologies had been used up on the customer that said you were mean for making her wait in line instead of cutting everyone after she said she couldn’t wait because it would give her acne

So EXCUSE you if you really wanted your ice cream on your day off

Caught up in your self righteous inner monologue about ice cream, you almost didn’t notice: “wait you’re the boy who’s always in the ocean at sundown?” 

Oh wow he was much pretty in person and that was saying a lot because you had been admiring him from afar for far too long

“lol at least you don’t have to worry about washing your shirt since you’re hoping in later anyway”

Oh my god, you could smack yourself; why did you just say that, why did you just expose yourself as a stalker?

He let out a little laugh “and you’re the person on the seawall, nice to see you’re cute up close too. I’m Seonghwa”

“y/n” Wait did that actually work? Did you not scare him away? Did he know who you were too?

Did? He? Say? Cute? 

“You should come down and talk to me next time”

his friends were oohing and aahing at him watching the awkward exchange, your friends were doing the same

And that you did, like clockwork he was down by in the ocean in the middle of the sunset while you were walking home from work

Only this time you didn’t just stop and look, you made your way down the stone stairs through the hot sand and to the edge of the beach. 

God why was your work uniform all black? it was hotttt out here and you were sweating while this boy looked like a sculpture in front of you

his acid washed jeans sticking to his calves as he walked through the tide pools searching through the sand, his arms on display in the pastel tie dye cut off

“um hey Seonghwa” that’s the best you could conjure up, trying to get in a carefree position but careful not to put your backpack on the ground for fear you would never get the sand out

your non-slip work shoes = already ruined

“Y/n you came?”  he stopped his search through the tide pools to smile up at you, nearly melting your customer service persona

“um yeah, sorry I just got off work though so I’m not really dressed from a swim” You looked down to your black slacks and black polo with the store logo on the upper left breast, god you shouldn’t have come maybe if you just slowly back away he won’t even notice you disappear 

“That seems like the best reason to get in” there was a soft smile on his face as he pulled up a lump of seaweed mixed with some shells from the sand

“Maybe next time, find any good mementos?”

Only next time you don’t get in either but you did roll up your slacks, take your shoes off, and stick your feet in

He was right, it was much a much needed break to just relax in the cool water and this way you could help him find whatever he was looking for

It doesn’t stop there though, you get a little further into the water every night after work when you meet but never like he was the first night

you also learned a little more about him and him about you

He is here with a group of friends, they are spending their last summer together before some of them head off to college, some go overseas, and some are stuck in high school. They were here the whole summer working on one of the resorts and this was the only time he could get away from everyone for some peace

“So you invite me?” Peaceful, all you did was stomp around in my work clothes and be loud “I’m not sure I fit what you’re going for”

“Nah but I like having you here.”

after that you start to see him outside of the actually water too, once he is picking up the trash on the beach, once he is just laying on the sand watching the sunset

And every time you would make your way next to him and spend all night talking to him 

So every year at the peak of tourist season, the locals throw a huge party on a section of the beach that only the locals know about

It’s a power move against the seasonals, one that you participate in every year. In fact you're dropped off some alcohol earlier in the week

Usually you go alone (read: with friends) but for some reason this year you invite Seonghwa, well more like you word vomited your invitation in a 10 minute long nervous ramble about beaches and parties while he smiled at you

normally you would cover your nervousness in a smirk with some sassy remarks but from some reason your stomach is fluttering too much this time, you can feel the nausea bubbling up

tense you throw in a quick "your friends can come too" then metaphorically smack yourself because you don't want his friends to come, you want to go with just him

this was supposed to be you confessing that your countless nights on the beach had kinda made your initial crush stronger but you messed it up

For your incessant rambles he responds with only a few words "Yeah that sounds fun"

"ok ok cool cool" nice save (oh my god you are actually acting like a middle schooler)

"But I don't think my friends can come, is that ok?"

"Oh yeah, um-" insert your nervous tick here- "i don't think my friends can come either so it'll just be us" cheesy smile

btw your friends could make it, they were there the whole time but you told them to stay away and they have not stopped teasing you about it since 

the night of the party you meet in your normal place and your jaw drops to the floor like in those movies when the princess comes out wearing the ball gown and looking regal

Only seonghwa isn't a princess but he sure as hell is beautiful and who gave him the right to look like that because your heart momentarily stops before you finally breath some sense back in and hold yourself together

"Are you ready? It's a bit of a hike"

You spend the whole night talking, and maybe you're a little tipsy but only enough to give you a confidence boost and a looser tongue

nothing serious 

Or at least you thought it was nothing serious but then you are prying into his life, asking some of the weirdest questions and finally "so why do you swim with your clothes on?"

Meanwhile this whole time he's been laughing at you, not the mean kind of way more like a "wow they really ramble a lot how cute"

"I don't know, normally I just don’t have my swimsuit and the water looks too beautiful to pass up"

"But if you do it every night then why don't you just pack ahead of time" *hiccup* nah jk but you might as well hiccup… maybe you should put that beer down before you embarrass yourself

"I don't know, if I bring my swimsuit everyone will want come with me and as much as I love my friends they're a little high energy" he let out a sweet laugh "speaking of them, I should probably admit…"

Oh god, what was wrong? Is this where you found out he was actually super creepy? Or like a murderer or something? Of course the cute ones always had to be the crazy ones, just your luck

"My friends aren't busy tonight I just said that because I didn't want them to come...”

Oh good not creepy at all (maybe you should stop watching dateline), that's what you did too

in fact your friends kept sending you snapchats of the both of you sitting by the bonfire talking

"I actually think one of them is here, he’s kinda hard to miss his hair is bright red"

Oh strawberry dude, you remembered seeing him wave when you first arrived (very confusing for a powerful tiny man who you had never seen wave at you)

But hold up, you're still caught up on the first thing he said, he wanted to come with you, just you. Did he?? like you??

"Do you like me?" Straight to the point, how in character for you

A rosy blush spread over his cheeks and down his neck and the confidence you had skyrocketed, that all but answered your question

and if that didn’t answer it then his little “ya” did

in a bout of confidence you grabbed him head and yanked him up from the lawn chairs by the crackling fire “Come on!”

 "what are you doing?!" he replied, calling out as you dragged him toward the dark water, glowing in the light of the moon

Splashing through the water, you settled on a place where the waves lapped up against your waist like they had the first night you saw him, it didn’t even matter that the warm salty water was soaking through your clothes (don't think about your soaked shoes, don't think about your soaked shoes)

"I'm not sure but the water just looked too beautiful to pass up" cue cliche cheese and a signature smirk provided by you

"Haha don't make fun of me"

"Why not? It’s too much fun" you leaned in closer, your hand still wrapped in his “and anyway I like you too much to stop”

about twenty minutes later you opened a snapchat from your friends of you and Hwa kissing in the ocean and turned bright red

read hongjoong's and yunho's

[kingyeoms]

neuroscience TA! joshua

pairing: joshua hong x reader (n)  genre: it’s all fluff sorry warnings(?): swearing and just really casual writing in bullet points lol word count: 2,044 a/n: i barely proofread this and this is nothing like what i usually write but i’ve been thinking about this since the start of the new semester and welp here we are. a/a/n: i just realized.. people might not really know what a TA/teaching assistant is! usually someone who is working towards their doctoral degree and are obligated to assist teaching a course in their department, usually in charge of teaching discussion/supplemental sections~ ♡ best read on desktop, use mobile browser if you can’t read under the cut ♡

3rd year phd candidate

does research on neural circuit mechanisms in aging adults

big geek about brains, shows a thirty minute long video of a sheep brain dissection for the first day of section

people fell asleep but it’s fine bc josh is so excited about the video and everyone finds it endearing

always dresses so casually!! comes to class wearing sweats and plain black t-shirts (probably buys them in packs for $3)

but he still has the reputation among the undergraduate students as the “hot neuro TA”

cracks jokes w/ his students all the time

literally everyone wants to take the class that joshua hong is TAing

“joshua what are you teaching next semester??” “topics in advanced neuroimaging, you gonna take it?” “never mind, good luck”

brings his dog named peanut to class all the time

peanut is a giant ass st. bernard who likes to walk around the class and sleep next to people’s feet

super adorable but also a big Drooler

you’re the other teaching assistant for the same neuroanatomy class, but in the psychology department

you’re super down to earth!! honestly you treat your students like friends, talking to them super casually

but when class starts, you know how to get down to business and you’re super passionate about what you’re talking about

the psych undergrads have a ton of respect for you, because not only were you chill but you were mad smart too!!

your kids walking into class: “y/n guess what fucking happened in lecture”

you: “listen, you probably shouldn’t say the f word in front of me but tell me what the fuck happened”

anyways, here’s a funny coincidence: your lab and joshua’s lab are on the same floor

so it’s not a surprise that you and josh have this ongoing “feud” of which is more superior: psych vs neuro

“psych is for people who can’t handle neuro” “neuro is for people who hate themselves”

your office is opposite of his, so he’s always stopping by your room to annoy you or steal something from the jar of candy on your desk.

you: “why am i constantly out of kit-kats?”

josh, fistfuls of kit-kats behind his back: “damn, you should probably buy some more”

he’ll mess with your powerpoint slides, swapping photos of the cerebellum for photos of him and peanut

which SUCKS when you’re teaching,, and josh’s dumb face pops up on the projector,, 

your kids: “nice one josh”

when you’re holding office hours for your students, he stops by and says some dumb shit to your kids like “come to my office instead, y/n doesn’t know what they’re talking about” 

“fuck off, joshua” “oooooh you curse in front of your students? i’m telling the professor”

you just roll your eyes and the two of you just laugh at each other

the students who come to your office hours swear you two have a thing going on

and honestly? you wish

you’ve always thought josh was pretty cute

being a phd student was stressful, especially with research and teaching, but he never failed to put a smile on your face!!

you two were often the last ones on the floor, in charge of locking up rooms and cleaning equipment

he always insists on walking you to your car at night because “the raccoons might attack you”

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about kissing him in your office but shhh

during lecture, you guys share a google doc to take notes on what to teach your students

he thinks it’s funny to delete everything you write

you, sitting next to him in the front row: “joshua hong if you don’t press ctrl + z right now i swear to god i’ll change the lock code to the EEG room”

josh: “wait don’t i have a study tomorrow”

proctoring exams with josh: “i can pass out tests faster than you” “are we five???? but no you can’t”

he’s really good… at catching people cheating? the dude has eyes like a hawk lmao and you don’t even notice honestly

“see the kid with the blue baseball cap on? give him a 0″

anyways the professor asks you and joshua to come in on a weekend to grade midterms

you: but i made plans

josh: i’m not ?? even getting paid ??

but you guys do it anyways because it’s not like you have a choice lmao rip

he brings peanut and he’s just drooling all over your bag

peanut not josh

i guess josh is metaphorically drooling because… you looked really good today

not the usual jeans and college sweatshirt you wear during the week

you had originally made plans with your friends to go to the farmer’s market

it was a really nice day :( sunny outside and you actually tried to not look like a mess for once!! you actually brushed your hair today lol

anyways, peanut is still drooling and you look at josh, confused but also a little grossed out

“why is peanut drooling?” “do you have food in your bag?” “i don’t think so?” “oh. maybe he just likes you”

peanut: pulls out a granola bar out of your bag

anyways… you two are grading exams, checking over the answer key for any mistakes

you furrow your brows as you look over the answer choices, so you ask josh to take a look at question 23

“yeah, what about it?” “look at the answer choices, there are two possible answers.” “ah fuck.”

turns out… a lot of the questions are like that..

you and josh just look at each other and groan, realizing you two have to redo the entire answer key

you call your friends to cancel your plans, saying you were stuck at school

joshua feels really bad so he reaches over to grab your stack of tests

“you can go if you want! i’ll finish it, no worries”

you shake your head, pulling out a box of red pens from your bag

“no thanks, my boyfriend would miss me” 

a confused josh: “no i wouldn’t?”

“… i was talking about peanut?” but you’re giggling because josh’s face is beet red at this point

joshua: “anyways, question 40 right?”

truth is, joshua has always found you cute and he liked the fact that when he teased you, you weren’t afraid to tease him back

he just felt.. really comfortable around you

and seeing you smile after he cracked a joke?? best thing in the world to him besides peanut

even when you roll your eyes at him, he thinks it’s so cute!!

cliché moment where you two reach for the answer key at the same time and your hands touch

but neither of you let go wow so cute and you guys kind of just !! grade tests in silence, holding hands

joshua’s the type to rub your the back of your hand with his thumb i’m lowkey crying thinking about it

anyways, you guys end up finishing grading and the sun is starting to set

josh realizes that you two spent the entire day stuck inside the office, so he offers to take you to the farmer’s market

but you don’t wanna be a bother or anything so you shake your head, “no it’s okay!!”

josh insists that he takes you, saying “i gotta take peanut on a walk, come on let’s go”

so you two go to the farmer’s market, the crowds starting to die down a little bit since it’s the end of the day

josh holds your hand and peanut’s leash in the other

peanut keeps dragging you guys to all the booths that sell homemade peanut butter and he’s never been happier, he keeps getting free samples and head scratches

you’re looking at a booth that sells homemade jewelry, think leather bracelets and dainty finger rings

“josh, what do you think about th-” you turn to your side, but josh and peanut are nowhere to be found

and you look through the crowds and the booths next to you, but you can’t find them anywhere

you kind of panic,, because you didn’t think josh was the type to ditch someone? on a date?

was this even a date you weren’t sure to be honest,, but still :( you were kind of upset 

but you finally see peanut dragging joshua back to you, a small bouquet of sunflowers in his hand

joshua’s cheeks and ears are tinged a slight pink when he gives the flowers to you, “i saw a stand selling these and they just looked really pretty, so i bought them for you”

and the flowers are so beautiful and your jaw literally aches from smiling so big and josh thinks you’re so beautiful!!

you two walk around a bit more, hand!! in!! hand!! 

josh: trying to pull peanut away from all the friendly people willing to give him free beef jerky

tired from all the walking, you two buy ice cream, sitting on a bench in front of the tiny shop

peanut eats josh’s ice cream when he’s not looking

josh: peanut what the fuck

you offer to buy him another one, but he shakes his head, taking the cone from your hand, biting into the soft pink scoop

“let’s just share, strawberry is my second favorite anyways”

your jaw just drops because,, who bites into ice cream?

but it’s cute, you two talk about how much you hate the professor and which students you think are annoying

you two don’t even realize how dark it is until you hear peanut snoring, curled up at the bottom of your feet

josh is the first to stand up, his hand reaching out to yours, “it’s getting a little late, i’ll take you home?”

and so that’s how you and joshua ended up at the front door of your apartment

your hand clutching the sunflowers, the other intertwined in his fingers

and when he leans in, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you two

kissing joshua? definitely better than you expected, the taste of strawberry ice cream still slightly lingering on his lips

your lips move in perfect harmony with his, joshua placing his hand on the small of your back

as soon as you feel josh pull you in closer, you feel a... wet.. tongue on your foot? you both break away to find peanut,, asleep,, drooling,, on your toes

“damn it, peanut” josh groans as you giggle, resting your forehead against his

“i’ll see you on monday, yeah?” you grinned, kissing him on the cheek

"yeah i really,, gotta take this kiddo home,,” and he sighs, waking Big ol’ peanut up “but i had a lot of fun tonight, we should do it again sometime”

“as long as we don’t have to grade 600 midterms again, it’s a date”

the both of you blush because,, was this even a date??

yes, it was

but seriously, what a super cute start to your relationship with josh

you don’t even get mad when you find out it’s josh stealing all of your kit kats

he leaves a giant bag of them on your desk one day to make up for it

but also joshua is the Worst

joshua: “how does it feel to be dating the hot neuro TA on campus?”

you: “shut up before you become the hot single neuro TA”

sometimes josh stops by your class when you’re teaching to give you a kiss on your cheek before he goes to do research,,, embarrassing you in front of all your students (even though pda is probably something that shouldn’t be happening in front of them)

literally Everyone: “we fucking called it”

definitely still makes fun of you 24/7,, just with more kissing

friday nights with joshua: skimming academic papers and talking shit on faculty LOL

going to the farmer’s market becomes a weekly thing for you guys!! mainly because the peanut butter booth would be devastated if they didn’t get to see Mister peanut

sooo,, you may or may not have done it on your desk in the lab LOL

josh in lecture: hey i think you’re pretty cute, maybe we should get dinner tonight?

you: josh can you pls stop flirting with me on google docs you’re LAME

[catflowerqueen]

Déjà vu (Oh, the Irony)

Summary:

Jirachi comes to the Wigglytuff Guild for a visit, and inadvertently grants a wish with some interesting consequences for Team Rainbow. After all, it's one thing to know, mentally, that Paula and Laura are rather young for being such being good explorers. But this... this is something else entirely. Also, Drowzee gets a new appreciation for the meaning of the word "irony."

Knowledge of my “The World’s Treasure” and “Missing Scenes” story is vital for understanding this. Feel free to view those stories, as well as this one,on my fanfiction .net account or ao3 as well. My username is the same in both places.

And my askbox is open if you have questions.

Author’s Note: This is somewhat of a new series of stories that I’m going to attempt, but don’t expect updates too often, as I’m still getting back into the swing of creative writing. Also, with this story in particular… don’t expect updates for at least the next two weeks, because I have a lot of major papers due for school soon as the semester is ending, as well as paperwork to grade, and I already spent today writing this when I really should have been working on those instead.

 This is technically non-canon for the eventual storyline I have planned, but all backgrounds and histories—both for the characters and for specific locations/things discovered through use of the Dimensional Scream ability—are the same as those in the World’s Treasure and Missing Scenes series—it’s just that this is not the method in which those histories and backstories are going to be revealed when it comes to that point in actual canon. …assuming I eventually find the time to actually write said canon out. I still want to! I’m just continually busy with other things, because Real Life is complicated. Also, I have some stories in another fandom that I want to write as well.

 As this technically takes place in the future of the TWT and MS universe, there are a few things that might be spoilers. I’ll try to be vague in the story to avoid that as much as possible, but I can’t guarantee that some things won’t slip through. 

Check the author’s notes at the end if you want a bit of background for what exactly is going on in this universe at the time of this non-canon scenario. Otherwise, please enjoy the story.

-----

Chapter One: Bidoof’s Wish

“Are you two sure you’re up for this already?” Chatot asked, glancing between the two girls of Team Rainbow with a look of concern on his face.

It wasn’t the first time they had been asked this question today. Even though the… incident… with the outlaw known as the “Dreamy Blackmailer” had finally resolved and Laura was given a clean bill of health by Nurse Blissey from Magnezone’s Police Headquarters, and then taken an additional week off to try and heal a bit mentally, their friends throughout Treasure Town and the Guild were still concerned. After all, not only had the incident had brought both of them face to face with some of their worst nightmares—literally speaking—it hadn’t happened too long after the Weathered Peak expedition. And while no one had been in the best of spirits after that expedition, what with the overwhelming failure to actually find anything of interest aside from a new definition of “extreme weather phenomenon” and, in Chatot’s case, a rather horrifying lesson from an injured and delirious Laura about the myriad of ways that one could construct prison cells and stockades from repurposed caves and rock formations, Paula and Laura had definitely been hit the hardest. Sure, Chatot was a close contender for that position, what with the aforementioned front row seat to that lesson on prison cells and stockades, but Laura had been the one to actually suffer the injury and the experience of reliving some terrible memories during an expedition she hadn’t really wanted to go on in the first place; and Paula had to endure what was technically blackmail—and from the Guildmaster, of all people!—which forced her to be split from her partner during the exploration, meaning that she wasn’t there to stop her from getting injured or provide moral support in the aftermath, compounded with the fact that the lack of treasure meant that they had gone through all that pain for nothing. Or at least close to nothing, since even though the goal of the blackmail—to get Laura and Chatot to spend some time alone together so that they could clear the air between them, make up from their recent fight, and get back on friendly terms—had technically worked, even Wigglytuff agreed that it really wasn’t worth it when the price had been injury and trauma on one hand and betrayal and worry on the other. He still felt guilty about it now—especially since the memory of the blackmail probably did not help Paula at all during the aforementioned Dreamy Blackmailer debacle—even though Paula, Laura, and Chatot had forgiven him for it.

Suffice to say, Team Rainbow had really been put through the ringer lately, so it wouldn’t have been surprising if they weren’t quite ready to get back to exploring yet. Then again, this was Team Rainbow they were talking about, who had the unfortunate tendency to downplay any problems they were having via overworking themselves in an attempt to get people to stop worrying about them. Which of course just made people worry about them even more.

But at least it meant that Paula’s response of “Yes. We’ll be fine—don’t worry!” as she adjusted her treasure bag, her partner nodding beside her from where she was just finishing up a swap with Croagunk, didn’t come as a surprise.

So it was with a resigned sigh that Chatot finally waved them off with only a minor admonishment to be careful, and the two ascended from the lowest guild level in order to head off on a day of exploring. But he couldn’t help but follow them with his gaze, and once they left his line of sight his eyes still lingered a bit on the top of the ladder before he blinked and shook his head, determined to put the inevitable worry he still felt out of his mind and get back to work running the guild. Today, after all, he also had the additional task of preparing some informational pamphlets for Drowzee to look at in regards to how to manage an exploration team. He didn’t actually expect the Hypnosis Pokémon to arrive in town from the little exploration he had decided to undertake as a sort of goodbye to being a solo explorer until tomorrow—or possibly later tonight, at the earliest, in which case it would likely still be too late for him to actually have time to meet with Chatot—but it never hurt o be prepared.

He sighed again before glancing about, noticing that everyone else who was with him on the lower level was in the same boat, despite their attempts to hide their true feelings. Croagunk was determinedly looking down and organizing his items in pure silence, with none of his usual mutterings and praise towards his prized Swap Cauldron. Loudred was attempting to use a stage whisper—with an emphasis on “attempting”—to get Diglett to let him know when Team Rainbow fully left the premises, even though Diglett’s job was only to monitor those coming in rather than those leaving, since determining moving footprints wasn’t an easy task. Wigglytuff had his door cracked open, and his mouth was quivering, as if it wanted to form into an uncharacteristic frown.

This, Chatot determined, was where he should focus his energies for the time being, as an upset Wigglytuff was never a good thing. It would also be a good segue into preparing those pamphlets for Drowzee, as a seasoned explorer such as Wigglytuff would be sure to have some good advice for the ex-outlaw, especially considering his own past as the apprentice of an explorer with a history as an outlaw. But before he could start to make his way over, he was interrupted by Bidoof coming down the ladder with a very perturbed look on his face.

“Bidoof? What are you doing back down here?” Chatot asked, equally as thankful for the interruption as he was annoyed at the fact that the apprentice was ignoring his orders. “I thought that I told you to look over the job boards today.”

Bidoof cringed at the glare on Chatot’s face, even though it wasn’t at its usual levels of scariness. “Oof… Sorry Chatot, I.. I really would like to do that but…”

“‘But?’” Chatot sharply prompted.

“But… but the boards are both empty, by golly!”

“Squawk! What? What do you mean they’re empty?!”

“There’s… there’s no jobs left on them, no siree!” Bidoof shook his head, “I think Team Rainbow took most of them for themselves… and then the other teams hanging around took the rest of them… and by the time I got there, there was only an S-class outlaw job left… which I don’t think I’m ready for anyways… but then Team Poochy snatched it right out of my paws before I even got the chance to look at it too closely, yup yup!”

“That’s…” Chatot got a twitch beneath his eye before sighing in defeat. The sequence of events was extremely plausible, as unfortunate as it was—especially the part about Team Rainbow grabbing the majority of the jobs from the boards before anyone else got the chance. Chatot could remember very well that same scenario happening shortly after Laura asked her goddess’ permission to stay in the Pokémon World, rather than return with her to Earth… and even before then, there was that incident with Laura right after she returned from wherever she had been after the future was saved. Add Paula’s exuberance and love of exploring into the mix—especially when she, too, was trying to convince everyone that she was actually fine and recovered—and it was practically a given that the two would ignore the guidelines for how many requests that a single team should realistically take on at once. It wasn’t that they couldn’t do all of those jobs successfully, but more that they shouldn’t. Although Chatot did appreciate the influx in treasures, bounty, and reward money that it generated for the guild, it was a bit inconsiderate to the other exploration teams that would come to the Wigglytuff Guild specifically for the use of the boards, not to mention that it denied those still apprenticing in the guild the chance at a little training. Also, it left them all worrying over the two girls’ mental and physical health even more, since they had all seen the consequences of their overworking themselves in this manner many, many times. It made Chatot consider, not for the first time, the possibility of him and Wifflytuff setting up a board specifically for Team Rainbow’s exclusive use, just so that the two could ensure their precious graduates safety and wellbeing. But on the other wing, he supposed that it rather defeated the point of their having graduated if he and the Guildmaster were still regulating what the two could and could not do…

But all of that was something to consider at a future point in time. He would definitely have a little talk with the two of the two members of Team Rainbow when they finally returned to town at the end of the day, but for now he needed to figure out something else for Bidoof to do.

“Very well,” he said, “I suppose I can’t exactly fault you for that, so for now why don’t you—”

But he was cut off by a surprised exclamation from Loudred over by the sentry post. “WHAT?!” he yelled, before hollering again, “Hey, BIDOOF! Diglett says you have a VISITOR at the entrance!”

“A visitor?!” Bidoof repeated in surprise as he and Chatot headed over. “Golly, that’s sure a surprise! Who is it?”

Loudred turned to call back down to Diglett, intending to ask for more information “HEY Diglett—!”

“Yes, I heard!” Diglett called back up before Loudred got the chance to finish his question. “Give me just a moment… Okay. He says that he is… Jirachi!”

“W-WHAT?! J-Jirachi?!” Loudred and Chatot repeated incredulously. “Wh-Why would Jirachi come here? And to meet Bidoof, of all pokémon?”

Bidoof frowned in confusion. “Jirachi… Jirachi… do I know a Jirachi…? Maybe… oh!” He smiled as he finally remembered. “Diglett! Ask him if he’s the one from Star Cave!”

Then, the others understood as well, remembering the Snover incident from so long ago, when Bidoof took the initiative to go on an ill-advised and technically against the rules trip to Star Cave after having been tricked by Snover, and how he was able to explore the depths all on his own after the rest of the guild rescued him, culminating in his meeting with the legendary Wish Pokémon. He never did them what he ended up wishing for, though—only that it was granted, but the effects would take a while to actually manifest. There had been some wild speculation running through the guild for a while, until the incident was nearly forgotten in the excitement over Team Rainbow joining the guild a few months later.

“The answer is… yes!” Diglett called back in excitement. “This is the Jirachi from Star Cave!”

“Well don’t just STAND there!” Loudred whipped around and demanded of Bidoof. “Go up and MEET him! And then bring him down HERE so we can see him, too!”

 -----

A few minutes later saw Jirachi in the bottom-most level of the guild. He didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that he had amassed an audience, as all of the apprentices who were left in the guild (which ended up being everyone but Dugtrio, basically, as he was out getting more job requests in order to fill up the boards while the others were stuck waiting for his return since they, like, Bidoof, had been a bit too slow to pick any before Laura and Paula nabbed them all). Instead, when he wasn’t turning this way and that as he levitated, taking in all the sights, he was focused on his friend.

“Ooh… This place is really interesting!” Jirachi told Bidoof in excitement. “If it’s always like this, then I can see why you like exploring so much, Bidoof. I thought that I would be tired after journeying all this way, but the energy surrounding this place is so exciting! It’s perking me right up!”

“Yup, yup! The guild is pretty great!” Bidoof agreed with a smile. “And… gosh, it sure is nice to see you again Jirachi… I must admit, I’ve been meaning to come see you for a while now… I wanted to thank you for granting that wish for me, but it’s been so busy that I never had the time to!”

Jirachi smiled. “Ha ha… That’s all right, Bidoof. With a wish like yours… it’s only to be expected that you would be too busy to find the time to visit. And… I’ve been sleeping a lot again lately, so I may not have noticed even if you did come by,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. “But that wish of yours… well, it’s not exactly why I came by, but now I’m curious; where are those buddies of yours you wished for? Have you been teaching them lots?”

Bidoof blushed a bit, slightly embarrassed about the fact that everyone in the guild now more or less knew what he wished for so long ago, but he also couldn’t help but smile at the thought of his friends on Team Rainbow. “They’re out exploring right now! They already graduated from the guild, see, and… well, gosh, I don’t know how much of it is do to anything I taught them, but… I’m real proud of Team Rainbow, yup yup! It was so much fun to be with them when they were still apprentices, and they still live nearby so I get to see Laura and Paula nearly every day!”

Jirachi’s mouth formed an “o” of shock. “Did you say that one of the buddies I influenced to come here was… Laura? Of Team Rainbow? That’s what you said, right?” He looked around at the others, verifying if what he’d heard was correct.

“Hey, hey! That’s what he said, alright!” Corphish nodded

“Oh, wow, wow!” Jirachi clapped his hands and spun in excitement. “That’s great! That’s actually exactly why I came in the first place!”

“Oh, oh?” Wigglytuff asked. “You wanted to meet friendly-friend Laura? Why?”

“You see, I don’t really get out much,” Jirachi admitted, to the surprise of no one, “so I’m a little… or, rather, a lot… behind the times when it comes to some things… or, really, a lot of things… but… sometimes while I’m dreaming, my psychic powers act up a little, and I hear whispers of conversations. Rumors. And sometimes they’re really interesting! So, I wake up in excitement! But… I don’t really have a way to know if these rumors are true, since I live so out of the way, and travelling can get so tiring so I usually just fall back to sleep.” He huffed a bit in frustration before brightening again. “But! This time! This time I heard some rumors about a girl named Laura… who joined an exploration team called Rainbow… who is currently a treecko, but who some say used to be a human!” He paused again to clap and spin with excitement. “So I just had to know if they were true. I had to! And I remembered! This time I had a way to verify those rumors! You, Bidoof!”

“H-huh? Me?!”

“Yes! You told that you were a part of a guild—and not just any guild, the Wigglytuff Guild! That place—this place—has tons of information, right? And tons of explorers! And you! My friend! So I thought… if I came here… I could verify the rumors! And that hopefully…” Jirachi got quieter, and seemed almost wistful. “Hopefully… hopefully some of them would be true. And that it would mean… well, it would mean what I hoped. That they… that she… well. I’d better not say… just in case I’m wrong… I don’t want to get my hopes up too much.”

“Well… golly! I’m honored, Jirachi!” Bidoof said, slightly nervous about potentially disappointing his powerful friend, but still hopeful that he would be able to help, and happy to get the chance to ramble on about Laura, and Team Rainbow in general. “So let’s see… Laura… well, first off—yup yup! The Laura that I know, who joined Team Rainbow and the guild here… she really did used to be a human!” Bidoof verified. Then, when Jirachi’s grin turned from wistful back to gleeful, he decided to add, “She is a treecko right now, but she surely did used to be a human, yup yup! And we even got to see her human form for a little bit, too! I don’t know to much about humans in general, but I thought she was really pretty, so I reckon other humans would think so too. Especially her eyes—they looked like rainbows, and still do even though she’s back to being a treecko now, yup yup.”

“Oh… oh…!” Jirachi clasped his hands in front of his mouth, his eyes widening and starting to shine with unshed tears of joy. “And… and one more thing! Did she… does she… the Dimensional Scream? Is that an ability she possesses?”

“Yup yup! It surely is!”

“Hooray!” Jirachi exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and spinning in ecstasy, laughing as happy tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. “Finally… finally a Rainbow Child is visiting again!” He slowed down his spinning, sighing wistfully again as he slowly calmed down. “It’s been… so very long. I know I slept through most of it, but… it must have been nearly a thousand years since I last… since she last…” he sighed again, this time in resignation. “But… you said that she’s out exploring now, right? So I guess that means I’ll still need to wait a while to actually see her again…”

“Oof… I reckon that’s true,” Bidoof said, frowning at sad his friend sounded about that fact, and feeling bit sad himself at the thought of how long Jirachi had waited to see the Rainbow Child return, even as he was shocked at the timespan and surprised at the fact that Laura’s past incarnations apparently used to visit the pokémon world a lot… as well as curiosity and unease about the fact that they had apparently stopped some thousand years ago.

“Oh!” Wigglytuff suddenly explained, clapping his hands together. “I know! I know! Bidoof, while we wait for Team Rainbow to come back… why don’t you show Jirachi around Treasure Town? Give him a tour! It will be fun!

“Ah! Yes, guildmaster, I concur!” Chatot agreed with the flap of his wings. “That is an excellent idea! And while you’re there… as I was about to say earlier… Regarding the day’s duties, since Dugtrio is not yet back with replacement jobs… please do a survey of the shops in town; it is important to know which get the most use from the members of our esteemed guild, and in what ways… and if any of them will be offering new services soon which we should be aware of.”

“Oof… I, uh… yes siree, I will do that,” Bidoof said, his happy mood at the thought of getting to show Jirachi around town becoming slightly dampened by the fact that it wouldn’t be a day off, like he’d thought, but rather an exercise in multitasking. “Come on, Jirachi, I think I’ll show you Spinda’s Café first…”

With that, the two headed off, and Chatot set the rest of the guild to do some mild cleaning and reorganizing until Dugtrio finally made it back and they could do some real exploration work.

 -----

Team Rainbow still wasn’t back by the time that Bidoof’s tour/survey was completed. This was a bit surprising, as the whole endeavor had taken a bit longer that Bidoof anticipated, since Jirachi stopped frequently to either admire something or because he needed to rest a little bit before continuing. He was, after all, a sleepy pokémon in general, and hadn’t been lying about how long his journey had been. Some of the things he stopped to admire seemed a bit mundane by Bidoof’s standards, but if he really had been sleeping for nearly a thousand years, then he figured that it would make sense that Jirachi would have missed an invention or innovation or two that was commonplace now. …Though he wasn’t sure if that fully explained why the legendary seemed so enamored by the dandelions dotting the path in some places. Surely those existed for far longer, right?

In any case, the tour was also lengthened by the fact that many of the shopkeepers seemed ecstatic to talk about their shops and wares, especially the Kecleon brothers… and Marowak, who seemed to take the opportunity as a chance to test out the new pitches he was considering to entice more pokémon to come train at his dojo… but Bidoof figured that at least part of that was excitement over seeing a legendary wandering through town. The last time that had happened had been with Cresselia, after all, and while it had been fairly recent, the circumstances surrounding it had… not been the greatest. By the time that Bidoof was finally finished and ready to report back to Chatot, Jirachi was understandably bored and uninterested in hearing a bunch of information that he’d already heard throughout the day. So, he opted to go visit the Beach for a while instead. He seemed weirdly excited by the prospect, too, but Bidoof figured that it had something to do with Laura, or the Rainbow Child in general, so he let it go without too much comment. He invited Jirachi to come have dinner with the guild when he was finished at the Beach, but Jirachi declined, citing interest in seeing what the Café’s menu was like in the evening. Though he did promise to come and stay at the guild for the evening if Team Rainbow still wasn’t back by then.

So this is why, when Jirachi failed to return to the guild like he promised a few hours later, long after dinner was finished and with still no sign of Team Rainbow, Bidoof found himself heading towards the Beach, intent on finding the legendary. Dinner had been a bit earlier than usual today, so the sun hadn’t yet fully set and he found the Wish Pokémon fairly easily. Unfortunately for Bidoof, the reason that said pokémon hadn’t returned to the guild yet was because he—rather predictably, in hindsight—had fallen asleep. So then Bidoof was faced with the somewhat arduous task of waking him back up.

One fight and several bruises on Bidoof’s part later, and a more-or-less awake Jirachi was yawning drowsily and looking around at his surroundings in mild confusion. “Hah… yawn… Ah, I’m still on the Beach…?”

“Erg…” Bidoof groaned a little, “Yup yup… I reckon you fell asleep here.”

“Oh… right… I was going to head over to the Café, but I felt so tired that I decided to rest for just a little bit longer… and then… well.” Jirachi said, blinking, as he finally noticed Bidoof. He easily spotted the bruising and ruffled fur, and had the tact to look sheepish as he put two and two together. “I must have attacked you in my sleep, huh?” he guessed. “But I see that you managed to wake me up again, so that’s good! I… probably owe you another wish for the trouble,” he finished, the last part in a mutter.

“H-huh?” Bidoof said, a bit confused before it clicked what Jirachi meant. “Oh! No, no, that’s fine,” Bidoof shook his head. “I don’t really need anything. But… you said that you wanted to stay in the guild if Team Rainbow didn’t come back in time, right? And, well, they’re still not back yet, so…”

“They’re still not back?” Jirachi tilted his head. “Is it normal for them to be out exploring so late?”

Bidoof shook his head, a frown on his face. “No siree, it really isn’t…” He sighed in sadness. “To tell you the truth, everyone at the guild… we’re all really worried about them. Some real stressful stuff has happened to the two of them recently, and I reckon that working hard like this is probably the only real way they know to cope with it, but… golly, it just isn’t right!” He stomped his foot in frustration. “It’s so unfair… all of these stressful and trying things seem to happen to them… the whole Temporal Tower thing from years ago… the thing with Darkrai… the other thing with Darkrai… and then what’s been going on recently… and they’re still so young! Paul is only sixteen… and Laura is just fourteen… and… golly, I know exploring is really fun for them, but with all the other stuff… sometimes I just…” Bidoof’s frustration simmered down a bit and he sighed mournfully.

“What is it, Bidoof?” Jirachi asked, worry and empathy on his face for both his friend and the plight of Team Rainbow.

Bidoof sighed again, looking down at his feet. “Sometimes… I wish that the two of them had the chance to just be kids again. Even if just for a little while…”

At those words, Jirachi twitched a little as something resonated inside him. “I see,” he said, his eyes starting to take on a faraway look. “Bidoof… you never fail to amaze me. Of all the possible wishes in the world… all of the things people have asked me for before… and you always, always choose not to be greedy; you always choose to help others… it makes me like you even more!”

“I… wait. What?” Bidoof asked, blinking in confusion and looking up before cringing back in shock at the sight of Jirachi, who was floating even higher in the air than he typically did, eyes glowing.

“And I suppose, technically, this is my fault a bit, too,” Jirachi said, more to himself than to Bidoof, in a voice that seemed to echo slightly with power. “I could have chosen someone other than Paula to nudge in the direction of the guild… and if I’d been more aware… I could have eased that poor girl’s suffering… and maybe the visits wouldn’t have stopped… or if not, I could have spent those years preparing… I could have done something to ease the suffering of the last one, instead of wallowing in loneliness… I’m the selfish one this time, so really…”

Jirachi tilted backwards as his eyes slowly closed… but as they did so, the one on his stomach—which Bidoof hadn’t even known existed—opened instead, brimming with even more light and power. But its owner took no notice.

“Really…” he repeated, as his true eye fully opened. “Granting this wish… it’s the least I could do!

Bidoof screamed and slammed his own eyes shut as the brightness spilling out of Jirachi’s true eye grew to blinding, and the wave of power that Jirachi unleashed was so huge that Bidoof briefly lost his footing. He thought he heard a thump as something fell to the sand, but other than that… there was stillness and quiet for a few minutes before Bidoof dared to risk opening his eyes again to try and figure out what happened. He glanced around… and then immediately jumped to his feet with a cry of alarm when he saw that Jirachi was facedown on the sand, shaking with the aftereffects of whatever he had just unleashed.

“Jirachi!” Bidoof called, rushing over and helping him to sit up. “Are you okay?! What just… what just happened?! What did you do?!”

“Oh… Bidoof…” Jirachi slurred, one of his regular eyes cracking open lazily. “I think I… ngh… I think I… overdid it… a little…”

“Overdid… what?! What just… what just happened?!”

“That wish… sigh… it was… really good… but… really draining. I think… sigh… I think I need to sleep for a while again. I should wake up soon… to fulfill the rest of it, but… yawn… until then… please take care of me… zzz. Zzz…”

And with that, Jirachi fell asleep. He was so completely dead to the world that even his psychic powers were inactive, and nothing Bidoof tried could wake him up. He had no choice but to struggle and shift Jirachi onto his back so that he could carry him to the guild, all the while wondering what exactly just happened, and getting a sense of foreboding that he’d accidentally done something wrong…

-----

“…I see,” Chatot said, glancing at where Jirachi lay asleep—and drooling a little bit—on the bed in the room at the end of the hall where they’d placed him after Bidoof had returned, shouting frantically about there being trouble. He’d had to shoo everyone else except Wigglytuff away because, as usual, the other apprentices were too nosy for their own good, but after doing so he’d had Bidoof recount exactly what happened to leave Jirachi in this state.

“And you have no idea what happened when that power was unleashed?” he confirmed.  “Or why Jirachi even did… whatever it is he did… in the first place?”

Bidoof looked uncomfortable as he shook his head. “No! No siree, I have no idea! I’m just as lost as you are! Except…” he paused.

“Except…?” Chatot prompted.

“Well… last time… when I met Jirachi the first time in Star Cave… he told me that he granted wishes to those who managed to wake him up. And… and when I found him on the Beach, I had to wake him up so that I could bring him back here, so… so I reckon that maybe he counted that, too? As fulfilling those conditions?”

“I see…” Chatot murmured, nodding to himself, “that makes sense… So then that power… I would assume that means…” he raised his voice back to normal levels and asked, “Did you make a wish? Or say something that could be interpreted as such?”

“Oh, gosh… uh… I don’t think so… lemme think…” Bidoof started muttering to himself and pacing, trying to push past the worry and remember what it was that he said right before Jirachi went all strange and glowy. “I said that… and then there was that… and then Paula and Laura came up and… and… oh.” Bidoof stopped dead in his tracks. “I think… uh… oh golly, I think I made a big mistake…” he whimpered.

“Don’t worry Bidoof, it can’t be that bad!” Wigglytuff assured him. “What happened? What did you say to friendly-friend Jirachi?”

“I j-just…” Bidoof gulped, before continuing, “I was just talking about how worried we’ve all been since Team Rainbow has been under a lot of stress lately… and I was frustrated today, especially, since they still aren’t back yet after taking on so much… and I was saying how it was so unfair considering how young they are… so I uh, I may have accidentally told Jirachi that ‘sometimes I wish that the two of them had the chance to just be—’”

But the end of his inadvertent wish was cut off when the three of them heard shouts of alarm coming from the main area.

“Eek! Oh my gosh!”

“What in the…?!”

“Hey, hey! What the heck?!”

“Dad, why are… how can…?!”

“Is that…?”

“What in the WORLD is going on here?!”

The three of them rushed out just in time to hear a voice which they hadn’t expected to hear until tomorrow begging, “H-hey, can everyone please calm down a little bit? Or at least your voices? You’re scaring them!”

“Squawk! What is going on out here?!” Chatot demanded.

“Chatot!” Drowzee, who had indeed arrived a day early and stopped in at the guild despite the late hour, answered brightly, looking highly relieved to see him. For some reason, he had Team Rainbow’s treasure bag slung over his shoulder, and in his right hand…

“I know I’m early… and I wasn’t planning on stopping in so late, “Drowzee started to explain, a bit of suppressed panic mixed in with the awkwardness he still often felt around the guild members, despite everything that they’d been through together recently, “but there was… I ran into, uh, a bit of a problem as I was heading into to town, and I’m really, really hoping that you know how to fix it,” he finished, glancing down a bit to the right as he did so.

Chatot followed his gaze, and was then dumbstruck by what he saw. “But that’s… what is… what?” he demanded. “I just… what?”

In Drowzee’s right hand was held the hand of another… and this hand belonged to a human. She was tiny, Chatot supposed, at least compared to the last human he’d seen. Her outfit, a cute little dress with matching leggings, was… well, he could tell that it would have been white, if not for the grass and dirt stains covering it. Her hair was equally white, rather than the brown that he would have expected, considering the girls eyes—which were the familiar, rainbow-colored ones belonging to his dear friend and precious graduate…

She looked like she was relaxing a bit after holding herself tense—likely in response to the yelling earlier—and she looked around, making small noises of excitement as her smile grew and grew. She spotted him and gasped in wonder, leaning forward and unconsciously trying to tug her hand out of Drowzee’s grasp, as if she wanted to dash forward and get a closer look at the pretty, talking bird in front of her. But she couldn’t really make any serious attempts to do so, as her other hand—and the attached arm—were too occupied holding onto a tiny, adorable, pichu who was teary-eyed and sniffling, periodically turning her head to hide her face in the human’s collar.

That combination… an electric-type rodent with a human companion… appearing at the guild around the same time that Team Rainbow was expected back… Team Rainbow’s treasure bag in Drowzee’s grasp… it couldn’t be… and yet…!

“Drowzee… is this… are they…?” Chatot couldn’t quite formulate the question, his voice sounding strangled from sheer disbelief in spite of the fact that there was no denying the proof in front of him.

“Yeah…” Drowzee nodded, still feeling shocked himself at the situation. “I happened to meet Team Rainbow at the crossroads when I was headed into town, and then while we were talking, Laura and Paula… they suddenly turned into… well. This.”

Chatot was struck silent, but Wigglytuff was finally able to break his own as he turned to Bidoof and asked, “So… what was it, exactly, that you said to Jirachi?”

“Th-that…” Bidoof whispered, shaking his head at the sheer absurdity of the situation “that sometimes…. I wish that the two of them had the chance to just be kids again.”

No one had a response. The entire guild was silent as they all took his words in…

…and then, with a singular voice, Drowzee, Chatot, and the other apprentices all screamed, “YOU DID WHAAAAAAAT?!!!”

-----

Author’s Notes: Important background for this story: This takes place when Laura is about 14 and Paula is about 16. The two girls have recently had some very emotional things happen to them recently, with the most notable things being Laura getting injured and then trapped in a cave with Chatot during an exploration to a place that she already had some mixed emotions about in the first place. Throughout this Paula was upset that; first off, Laura and Chatot hadn’t been getting along recently; secondly, in a somewhat misguided attempt to get his friends to get along again, Wigglytuff pulled rank and declared that Laura and Chatot had to explore together, alone, so Paula wasn’t there to stop Laura from getting hurt or help her through the emotional memories; and thirdly that—inevitable successful reconciliation between Chatot and Laura aside—it was all for nothing since no one even found any treasure anyways.

 The second big emotional thing to happen was that some outlaw with the ability to travel through dreams—so probably, like, a gengar or some other ghost- or psychic-type—struck Treasure Town while Laura was away visiting Mason/recovering from the recent emotional stress and started plaguing everyone with nightmares and diving into their subconscious thoughts in order to acquire blackmail material (which is part of why they were able to stay at large for so long). This of course includes Paula, who was probably among the primary targets since her fame and notoriety would have been too enticing to pass up. They are eventually caught around the time that Laura gets back, and then they decide that the best way to hide/escape would be to essentially take Laura hostage by diving into her mind and forcing her into a nightmare—similar to what happened to Azurill. Except this turns out to be a huge mistake on their part, since Laura’s mind ends up so confusing and cavernous due to the fact that she’s had so many reincarnations that the outlaw basically gets lost and trapped, necessitating outside help. This leads to Drowzee and Cresselia—who had been using their abilities to help catch the outlaw in the first place—to have to team up with a different outlaw with dream walking abilities and more familiarity with Laura’s mind in order to successfully rescue her—and the perpetrator themselves, by this point. Unfortunately, Paula is, once more, stuck behind and unable to help her friend, which of course does not help her mindset—which is still recovering from her own stint at being this outlaw’s victim, especially in light of how big a role blackmail played in this incident, considering her experiences with it on the recent expedition. Also not helping is the fact that she and Laura have somewhat of a bad history with the person teaming up with Drowzee and Cresselia, and has not forgiven him for what he did even though Laura has.

 But the trio is successful, and decide to form a more permanent team together—partially with the intent that it will help the third member with parole/rehabilitation.

 So at the moment this story begins, Team Rainbow is suffering from emotional exhaustion—Paula feeling useless and Laura just… a mess in general—and is only just starting to get back into exploration work, all the guild members are upset after having watched their friends suffer—and in some cases being to blame for some of the suffering—and are continually being struck with just how young these two actually are despite having been through so much. Drowzee is also still hanging around town, or at least close enough to it to visit frequently—both because he, too, needs to recover mentally from the rescue mission and because there are some logistical issues regarding his new team and circumstances that need to be finalized. Mason may or may not be helping with that, since he also has a history with the third team member, but one that is decidedly less fraught with tension and bad blood, on the whole—which may actually be one of the things that everyone else finds so surprising/unnerving about the whole situation, to be honest.

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[forceyourway]

Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge

Day Three: “What aspect of my home life might I benefit from taking into consideration?”

(Using Loki’s tarot deck, “The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot”)

I’m loathe to take a picture of the entire tree again, because it’s a pain to assemble. I totally took one and then realized I set it up wrong and sigh. I might edit this with the tree picture later.

Six of Cups - I thought this was a weird card to be here, because it’s literally about considering your childhood. Like he’s just saying the question back at me, y’know? It might be that I need to acknowledge positive memories, because I’m so overwhelmed by negative ones. It might just be talking about evaluating my childhood self, and who I was then. There is a sort of implication of innocence? I think with this. Like, all of this stuff happened, and I was a child.

Home Life - Security, Belonging, Self-Worth

Reflect on what your home life was like growing up. Consider things like household income, inter-family relationship dynamics, overall lifestyle, etc. Was financial stability a source of stress? Was the relationship between your parents conflicted? Did you feel accepted by your family? Did you feel safe at home? Did you live a life in a suburban setting, in the boonies, in an orphanage?

Security My childhood was comfortable, financially-speaking. My dad has a very high-paying job. We moved out of our townhouse, and into a house-house when I was in 3rd-ish grade, and we rented out the townhouse. Every now and then, my dad would need to go there to fix something or what have you, as the owner, and my sister and I were always very excited to tag along. We wanted to go back and see where we grew up, and see if our old babysitter was available to play with, or go to the park. The park behind our house was pretty much always changing, so that was neat. One time, my sister and I were wandering around the Big Park. We heard they had a splash pad, but when we went there, the water was off, and we couldn’t figure out how to turn it on. Some other kids were there, older kids, probably 16+. About 5 of them, I think. We followed them through a path in the woods that led to a park we’d never been to before. Along the way, I picked up a big stick and was using it like a walking staff, as kids do. I kept trying to talk to the other kids, oblivious that they did not want to play with me, and they took offense to being followed around by an annoying white girl with a big stick. It came to a point where they were demanding I put the stick down, and I stood my ground, because wtf this is my stick, I found it, I’m keeping it. I didn’t understand the connotation. They beat the shit out of me. All of them. I remember hitting the ground hard, and pain. My sister ran. I was in middle school at the time, and she was even younger, but it stuck with me that she ran. When I told my dad what happened, he at first acted like he didn’t believe me, and then said he’d go investigate and tell the other kids off. That was a lie. I really thought he was gonna do it, and was really hurt when he didn’t. He ended up hardly acknowledging what happened to me at all. This is why I have abandonment issues. I grew up feeling like I couldn’t rely on my family to protect me when I needed it. Later, toward the end of middle school, I got into a fight with a girl at her sleepover party. She’d been pushing me around all night, and when she tried to pour body spray down my back, that was the last straw. I grabbed the closest thing and chucked it at her. I think I meant to grab my pillow - it was right there - but ended up grabbing a tiny (as in, could fit in your hand) wire earring-case or whatever. I remember being shocked when I saw what I did. It hit her in the head/face. She started screaming “You hurt me!” and started kicking me repeatedly in the stomach. Pain. Chaos. I couldn’t so much breathe. Her mother looked at me like I was dirt after that, because I must have deserved it. Her father wasn’t so sure, but I still needed to get out of their house immediately. My dad picked me up. He remembered what happened at the park, and said I must have deserved it. I didn’t tell him what happened. None of the girls stood up for me, either. They were kind of complicit, in that they let her - or joined in on - pushing me around the whole night, before the fight...

We grew up in a small town in a suburb-ish area. No crime to speak of. There were a couple of kids our age on the street, most notably two sisters who were me and my sister’s best friends. Their mother hated us and was very vocal about it with our parents, telling them we had “A Serious Problem.” All the damn time. She and her friend (another neighbor) kept calling me a Smartass. I...didn’t know what that meant. Ever oblivious and ever self-incriminating, I took it as a compliment and said thank you. That hardly helped matters. It took me a long time to realize that the girls pretty much didn’t give a shit about us; they played with us when it was convenient, but not when others were around. The younger one and my sister got physical a lot. They made fun of us all the time, and mostly it went over our heads. My mom was very irresponsible with money, eating out all the time, shopping all the time, etc. And frequently she was out of work; most of her jobs were as a temp, and there was a lot of in-between time. This was a huge point of tension with her and my dad, and eventually we ended up very deep in debt, though it hardly showed. My dad started gambling to compensate; sometimes he won big, but mostly it was just a huge money drain, and it became an addiction for him. When my mom finally left my dad for good, he got stuck with the debt, and essentially went bankrupt. He’s now living in my decrepit childhood home, eating ramen noodles, and god only knows how far behind he is on the bills. He’s still got that good job, but it’s not enough, and he's still gambling. My parents were always fighting, and my dad got so loud that I was always expecting something physical to go down. Always expecting I was gonna get hit. My mom got physical with me. My sister got physical with me. My dad got physical with me (after I provoked him). Home was not a safe place for me. I didn’t feel I could rely on my family. My mother was always late, very late, when picking me up from school, like I was an afterthought. They abandoned me when I needed them, and they sure as hell didn’t protect me. I used to pretend that maybe I wasn’t really their child, maybe I was secretly adopted. I’d convince myself that to help me get by. Unfortunately, I saw too much of them in me - and me in them - to keep acting as if they weren’t my “real” parents.

Belonging My parents really, really wanted me to be someone else. I hated shopping with my mom, because she was always trying to play dress up with me. Put stuff on me I didn’t like, because that’s how she wanted me to be. And she’d get aggressive if I refused to go with her, or told her I didn’t like the clothes. To this day, she thinks I’m still in some “goth” phase, despite constantly wearing varied and multicolored outfits around her for many years. A few years ago, when I was looking for a job, she told me she found an opening at whatever-store-or-other...which she immediately followed with “as if you could ever work there; you have no fashion sense!” I have excellent fashion sense, thank you. My dad actually forced me to go to a tanning booth when I was...14? 15? because I was pale and I had acne, and he was trying to “fix” it. I was super, super opposed to this, but he forced me into it, telling me I should be grateful and all that shit. I was supposed to get naked and lay in this freaky light machine. I remember being super uncomfortable, and I refused to strip all the way down. He was so, so angry with me. We didn’t go again.

To this day, my dad constantly remarks on what a weird kid I am. How it’s not “normal” that I don’t drink or smoke (or that I never have), and he started smoking when he was 12, or whatever, and used to steal beer all the time. It seemed like he wanted me to do all that stuff, because it was “part of growing up???” I am wondering now if this might be one of his weird as hell attempts at humor; the problem with that is, no one ever knows when he’s kidding...

Self-worth I suck at math. I have dyscalclia. I just don’t brain it right. My dad is obsessed with math. I went through workbook after workbook as a child, in some attempt to make me good at it. I hated them. I snuck calculators when calculators weren’t allowed. Never learned my times tables; to this day, he’ll throw a random multiplication question at me every now and then. I was forced to go to Math Camp, which I hated. I think I might have cried one day, on the way. Nothing helped. When I went to the second Catholic school, the one with the Hive Mentality, my math teacher did a thing where we had to do warm-up problems before we could do anything else. Everyone brought up their notebooks and she’d check them, and then they’d go on to the next thing. I spent the whole class going up. I had no idea what I was doing wrong, and she refused to help me. I was in tears by the end, just writing down random answers after going through every possible way I could have gotten it wrong.

I was really good at school, once I hit public school. Always on Honor Roll. In high school, I came close to having straight A’s a few times, but math always held me back. It was pretty solidly at a C. I had one geometry teacher who refused to help me - or anyone - when we were struggling. I think I got a D. First time ever. Of course, a huge deal was made about this. The next semester, I got a new geometry teacher, and instantly shot up to an A. He was very kind and helpful, and he used colored chalk so you could see the different elements of a problem. I had like a 103%, and was super, super proud that I shot from a D to an A, and I had straight A’s. My dad just said “We’ll see how long that lasts.” When my sister got straight A’s, he gave her $100, because she was the “dumb” one, and I was the “smart” one, and I should have had straight A’s all the time???