#have i ever mentioned that I hate wordpress? because i hate it so much

[tardis--dreams]

I am sisyphus and trying to add tags in WordPress is my boulder

[glitchytrait]

Whoever Loves Her Next - 05

wordpress version

I cry the entire way to the hotel closest to the airport. The woman at the front desk clearly notices that I’ve been crying from my red, puffy eyes, but doesn’t make a big deal out of it. I’m thankful for that.

Once I’m into my small room, I disregard my suitcase onto the floor and toss my purse onto the dresser. However, it lands just on the edge and starts to tip over. I get to it a second too late, and all of the contents spill across the floor. I want to scream in frustration.

I ignore it at first, stomping into the bathroom to relieve myself and wash my face of snot and tears. Only after this, do I head back to deal with the mess.

At first, none of the items in my purse are surprising. Wallet, gum, earbuds, phone charger. All the normal things you’d probably find in somebody’s bag. But when I go to pick up the short story I’ve been reading, I notice an envelope sticking out from underneath it. I know what it is, but somehow it still shocks me when I move the book off of it.

It’s that damn letter.

I pick it up off the ground and get to my feet, running my finger over his chicken-scratch handwriting. Despite it being messy, I had gotten used to reading his writing. And the words on the envelope, as smudged as they were, meant everything to me.

My feet carry me to the bed, and I fall onto it, my sore back sinking into the plush blankets. I hold the envelope up to the ceiling light, trying to see what’s inside. All it reveals to me is that there are a few papers with writing on them.

Harry sent it to me a mere week after I left him. We hadn’t spoken since that morning, and I was beyond shocked not only that it arrived, but that it wasn’t even addressed to me. He had put it in a cardboard envelope with about a dozen “do not bend” stickers on it. Inside, was this letter.

A letter to whoever would love me next.

It did, and still does, confuse me to no end as to why he would give this to me. Why he would even want to be known by whoever loved me next? Did he really think himself that important to my personality that the person who came after him needed to know who he was?

With a huff of frustration, I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. My eyes flutter over to the trashcan in the corner, and for a moment, I’m sure that I’m going to put it there by the time I’m gone tomorrow. But just before I stand up to throw it in, I decide that I want to know what he said.

So, I open the letter.

To whoever loves her next,

At this point, you probably don’t even know who I am. If I’m being totally honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if she didn’t mention me anymore. I know what I did. I know how much I hurt her. And because of me, it’s going to be up to you to pick up the pieces.

I never wanted to imagine her with someone other than me. Just the idea of hands that weren’t mine on her made me sick. And despite that she hated my jealousy, I never failed to make it known. I never failed to infuriate her to the point of tears. I fucked up, and I know that I did, just as I know that it’s too late for me to fix it.

But it’s not too late for you. She may not look it, but she is so much stronger than you would ever believe. Far stronger than I, that’s for sure. So, I do believe that you’ll be able to fix what I broke, you just might need some help along the way.

That’s why I wrote this letter.

Not because I think you’re incapable. Not because I still want to say I have a claim over her. But because I want to be sure that whoever comes after me knows the steps to take so they don’t hurt her the way that I did. Because while she is strong, a person can only take so many punches before their jaw breaks.

So, here’s my guide on how to not break her jaw. Here is how you’re going to avoid the same path that I took. Because what I did? Nobody deserves that. Especially not the most important person I’ve ever known.

You can throw this letter away if you want. You can burn it for all I care. You might not even read this damn thing. But I want to be perfectly clear and visible when I say this.

Do not take her for granted, or you will lose the best thing that has ever happened to you.

And attached to the letter, are at least three pages of a list that looks about a mile long. Every single one of the bullet points contains something that pertains to me. Whether it be about the ins and outs of my family members, or the way I tend to open up more when I’m eating rice krispy treats. There’s even a note when he mentions the stuffed rabbit I sleep with every night, saying how sometimes you take offense to me wanting to cuddle it more than you.

I can’t help but laugh when I read some of the things on the list. At others, I grit my teeth in annoyance that he’s right. And I cry, not only at those that remind me of all too painful memories, but because this letter has made me realize that no one would ever love me as much as Harry Blanchard does.

beginning | previous | next

[arrow-dodger]

I'm having an interesting time going through and finding old blogs I had before and concurrent to this one.

The oldest posts on here are from June 2010, but I made this blog in October 2009. The first blog I ever made was on Blogspot in 2006 when I was eleven, and that still exists somehow. I had a blog tied to my MSN account that is lost forever now, which is so sad because I had some really weird iconic shit on there (like middle school inside jokes, me rambling about music and how I was born in the wrong generation, and best of all the Thanksgiving 2008 recap). I had two Xangas, a public and a private one. And apparently I had a Wordpress which I COMPLETELY forgot about.

So I'm going through and reading stuff because... well, honestly because I followed this guy from high school on Instagram, and he followed me back and I haven't talked to him in over a decade because I made him hate me at some point, and it reminded me of how we used to hang out my freshman year and how I probably wrote about it on one of my old blogs. So that's why I'm thinking about this stuff. Convoluted as ever.

Anyway. There are a couple of things that are interesting about this to me. Number one is that it's crazy that people who grew up like me, doing our memory-keeping digitally (as opposed to our forefathers who kept physical diaries and photo albums), will eventually just have no trace of this stuff. I'm not going to be 80 years old and able to pull up any of these old blogs, or my Instagram or Facebook page. I have all my photos and shit backed up, but maybe there won't be a way to view them one day, or it'll be really convoluted, like the way shit is just trapped on cassettes or floppy discs now. It's just so weird to think this stuff will all disappear one day and it's out of our control entirely. We still have diaries from hundreds of years ago, but in hundreds of years tumblr.com will not, like, be around. You feel me?

The second thing is that it's so funny the ways I've changed since my adolescence and the ways that I haven't. Like, there's this one blog post where I'm talking about hanging out with that guy I mentioned earlier and how all the sad shit was still in the back of my mind but I wasn't hurting as bad as I usually was. This was in regards to my first breakup of course. But then I go on to say that while I know it's healthy to move on and make happy memories, it also makes me feel less close to my ex and like I was losing him even more than I already had. That is an impulse I can still relate to, wanting to stay living in an unhappy feeling rather than just forgetting about it. "I miss the comfort in being sad" and all that. (Quoting that made me realize I'm too old to be in the 27 Club now. Obviously, but I had never thought about it.)

There's also one where I say one of the reasons I would hate to go to therapy is that there are too many things I'd be unwilling to say. That's true now too! I think about that, like, EVERY day! There's so much shit I could never explain or feel comfortable talking about! There's so much shit I've never said out loud to another soul, and I'm not about to start! (I should start.)

But really, a lot of it is very pretentious in that "I'm a teenager and I know everything" sort of way, and it's endearing. I forgot about a lot of this stuff too honestly, which is strange because it's me. The other day I was talking about a memory and Brandon paused for a moment, chuckled darkly and asked me if I think everyone I've ever met realizes that everything they've ever said or done is catalogued in my memory forever. And I was like, well, no. No one can anticipate that. But also the thing I was just talking about? I remember exactly what room I was in when it happened, and what that room looked like, and who I was with, and so on and so forth. And it's a very UNIMPORTANT thing, let me tell you. But I remember most things like that, because I'm insane or something. Yet here I am on my blog at 15 writing about my parents talking on the phone. I forgot my parents ever talked on the phone.

There are also a lot of things about my childhood that I embellish. Which is funny, because my childhood objectively sucked. I didn't need to embellish. Maybe I thought I did because I really didn't understand how bad it was at the time. I don't think I really did until the last few years, honestly. I thought because no one had ever necessarily beaten the shit out of me that it was to be considered good, I think. But I just read a poem I wrote for my creative writing class in my freshman year of high school and I don't know how Mrs. Patrick didn't like, call the police? It's SO dramatic and vague.

Then again, in another post I'm talking about how our power got shut off because my dad didn't pay the bill (semi-regular occurrence at that time) and how he was stomping around screaming and cursing, and I just went outside and sat on the porch to listen to my iPod, and then later my dad thanked me for being the grounded one. And I'm like, oh, I talked about all this shit like I thought it happened at everyone's house on any given Tuesday. I know when I went to therapy when I was 17 I never mentioned any of that kind of stuff, or the general parentification/adultification stuff or neglect or even my sexual assault because I didn't think any of that was even "a thing" at that age. So that's... an interesting frame of mind to revisit.

This is getting really long. Maybe I'll post any funny snippets but I dunno, I'm reading my private Xanga right now and it's the most bleak shit. It's not possible anyone could ENJOY reading it.

[yuikomorii]

In the most honest way, who do you think deserves to be the protagonist of Diabolik Lovers?

// I assume you mean male protagonist, and from my point of view, I can say with certainty that Ayato is the best choice.

Ayato is one of the best main guys in otome games and let me tell you why:

Usually true lovers are portrayed as gentlemanly, calculated, and mature, and all characters admire them. When it comes to these types of guys, there isn't much room for growth because they're already cool and loved, which is what makes Ayato (and other main guys like him) stand out. He's the most misunderstood and insulted character in the entire franchise, and he's the polar opposite of what any of them would consider "ideal." I'm aware that Ayato also calls others names, but his insults aren't nearly as offensive, and he never tries to hurt anyone where it hurts them the most.

He received one of the best developments; while not as significant as Laito's, Yui enabled him to reclaim something long forgotten: his kindness. Ayato was known for being pure-hearted, as Laito also mentioned. The problem is that he stopped displaying this trait over time because every time he did something good, he ended up getting hurt.

You can notice that in Ayato’s MB route, in the flashback, Cordelia was impatiently waiting for Karl’s visit, but all he did was send her a blue rose. Knowing flower language, Ayato deduced that the rose represented "something impossible," which referred to Karl's love for Cordelia. He was aware such a thing would make his mom sad, therefore he started stepping on the rose but got beaten up by Cordelia for ruining her gift. Another scene is in Laito's MB route, where Ayato tries to convince Laito that what he was doing with Cordelia was wrong because there was no mutual love between them, but all he gets in return is "you're just a kid unable to understand such things" and "you're jealous because she loves me, not you!" I obviously can’t forget the YoungBlood scene, where he sacrificed himself for his brothers in order to find out more information and got severely beaten up by the ghouls, ending up with a traumatic memory and being CURSED as Adam. He’s also the only Sakamaki who noticed something fishy about the coming of age ceremony.

I love how, ever since Yui entered his life, he has been working on himself to become a better person. He's willing to work on his flaws and never hesitates to say or do something that could help someone. There are various types of kindness, but I particularly admire Ayato's because he not only feels bad for others or considers helping them, but also almost always takes action on the spot when someone is in a dangerous situation, regardless of whether he will be injured or hated as a result.

I'd also like to point out that the plot details (not lore) are best explained in his routes, but that's something that usually happens in otoge true routes, so it's obvious.

Last but not least, him and Yui are soulmates and I’m a sucker for this trope. It was confirmed in YoungBlood that they are fated to be together, which Rejet hinted at a long time ago, especially in an official Tokuten short story, translated by Koiiro on Wordpress:

Yui- "As for me, I clearly remember the reason why I fell in love with you, Ayato-kun. But it also feels like I've loved you all my life, and maybe I've gotten addicted to you before I knew it."

Ayato- “I do… remember the moment I fell in love with you… though, it also feels like I've loved you all my life."

I'm glad they both remembered why they fell in love with each other; it proves that their love isn’t just for the sake of being reunited as Adam and Eve, but is also something genuine.

I have a strong feeling that their relationship is currently the healthiest and most normal because they are both on the same wavelength and he really treats her so good! After all, a mentally strong and brave boy is the best match for a mentally strong and brave girl! ٩̋(ˊ•͈ ꇴ •͈ˋ)و

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

📷I took five minutes to vacuum my closet the other day. It was part of my routine cleaning, no big deal. It was just a quick thing to check off on my cleaning list. I removed some boxes of stuff in the bottom, a few pairs of slippers, and vacuumed. I replaced the stuff and went on with my---

No. I didn't.

No, I looked at the bottom of the closet in a state of shock and burst out laughing.

I have spent a large portion of my life trying to get organized. When I was a child, "cleaning my room" really did mean tossing everything I could think of where to put it in a closet so that it looked tidy when Mom poked her head in. I was the child with the cubby under the desk in grade school so stuffed with papers and junk that it was simply impossible to add or find anything.

This level of disorganization bothered and embarrassed me. It really hurt and made me feel like a failure.

As a teenager, my backpack also became a mess of papers, random items, books, and paraphernalia (no, not that kind. In many ways, I was hopelessly square)

As an adult, it wasn't much better. My desk was full of bills to be paid, papers I didn't want to face, things that were vaguely sentimental but not enough to display anywhere. My closet?

That was still the place where I hid stuff I didn't have a place for but wanted the room at least to appear a little tidy.

How long from a stuffed closet to a tidy closet?

It took about thirty years.

I wasted a lot of that time, though. I addressed it in cycles. "Starting now, I'm finally going to get organized!" I'd spend several hours a day over a few weeks cleaning, organizing, and playing possessions Tetris with my home. After a month or so, know what? The house would look great!

Then, inevitably, the house would no longer look great. I'd clean the kitchen well enough to prevent food poisoning, but more than that? Not so much.

Ever done that? C'mon, it's okay. We all have.

Being tidy over time is all about consistent action.

You can, indeed, get the house clean with heroic effort, just as you can work really hard to train for an athletic event.

The problem comes in when you do something intense for a short period. As I mentioned in my last post, heroic effort is unsustainable.

Several of my favorite housekeeping systems (Flylady and Unfuck Your Habitat) talk about starting very small – shining your sink or making your bed. They are so right!

It's not about getting tidied or organized quickly. It's about developing consistent habits. For a lot of people, that's enough.

But for some…

Executive dysfunction can interfere with consistency.

If you have organizational or distraction issues, habits may not be enough. Autism, ADHD, and a host of other neurodivergent issues centered around executive dysfunction make it hard to do things that seem pretty obvious to the neurotypical person. What? You need to wash the dishes after a meal? No kidding. Go do it!

As I was writing this article, I broke for dinner. Guess what is in my sink right now?

I thought about it, got up, scrubbed the pan a little, realized it needed to soak some more, and sat back down here to write. Sure, sure, I'll get to it after I finish this, no biggie. But if my sink was full of dishes other than that pan, if I had laundry on my sofa, a desk drawer full of unaddressed bills, and my phone beeping that I needed to get up and get my car to the garage to get the brakes done, would I be getting back to that pan in any reasonable amount of time?

*Hollow laugh*

People with executive dysfunction issues can find their problems painful.

Maybe some people laugh and think it's cute to be disorganized. It never felt cute to me. It hurt because I had a hard time doing what I wanted to do. I was utterly desperate to get my life under control. Completely and utterly desperate from the time I was nine years old. That's a heavy load.

Jokes about executive dysfunction aren't cute.

I know the whole "squirrel!" joke about distractibility is mean to make people feel better and okay with themselves. I never wanted to be okay with chaos. I wanted the chaos to stop. It hurt. It interfered with accomplishing what I wanted to. It was exhausting. It used up time I wanted to spend on other things. I wanted a clean canvas so that when I jumped from obsession to obsession to obsession, I could feel like I was using that time intelligently rather than as a distraction from things that were bothering me.

Late fees, court cases, and lost jobs aren't cute, either.

There's an ADHD vlogger that I really like named Jessica McCabe. She's brilliant and adorable, and being a little bit of the manic pixie thing is part of her brand. It gets people to listen to broad issues of executive dysfunction. People will accept and listen to that stuff sometimes and find it palatable if someone is small and young and cute. (She's a LOT older than her looks or mannerisms would indicate, by the way).

So, the brilliant part. Quite sure McCabe knows what she's doing with that because sometimes she drops the adorable thing. The pain of being disorganized or having a hard time directing attention is very, very clear. If she weren't so cute, it would be unlikely as many people would listen to the important things she is saying. There's more to her than cute by a long shot. (And don't get me started on the sexism of it).

But that whole "cute" thing about disorganization. It's not so cute when unpaid bills land you in court. That has happened to me. With money in the BANK, that has happened to me! (Or without money. *shrugs* That, too). It's not cute when you have to buy a car at interest rates that are close to what you'd pay on a credit card. Yeah, that's happened, too. That we're in good financial shape now is a miracle.

There is a cultural narrative of *giggle* *giggle* "I'm so distractable!" to try to ameliorate the pain of being disorganized. Know what? It's not funny. It hurts.

Proscriptive solutions won't work.

I use a Bullet Journal just about with the out-of-the-box method that Ryder Carrol posted in that first video he did about it. I tried it, and it clicked.

Know what wouldn't have clicked? Someone making me do it when I was fifteen.

This is where you, if you have problems with executive dysfunction, might wonder if I can provide an answer for you. Know what? I can't.

I can say, "You need a Bullet Journal." I mean, I'll think it. I wouldn't say it. Know why? It won't necessarily work for you.

What I will say is that you need to find methods that work for you.

"Okay, smartybrat," I hear you cry, "if you can't offer a solution, what do I do?"

Create systems that support you

This is going to look different depending on how you think. Does a beepy reminder go bing! and prompt you to do stuff? Do you like to have a menu of tasks that you choose from depending on how easily they grab your attention in the moment?

What primes you to take action?

What plans have you followed through on (c'mon, you do have some if you're alive past 20), and what about them made you feel good?

My husband doesn't use a Bullet Journal. He plans his day using a calendar app. If there's an interrupt to a task, he'll move it to another free time. When you first try this, I strongly encourage you to multiply your estimation of task time by at least four until you get good at estimating how long something will take. If you have executive dysfunction issues you're struggling with, I'd bet at least a nickel that you're not good at estimating how long things take yet.

What stops you from taking action? Can you remove the interrupts?

A simple example would be to take the dirty clothes hamper's lid off if that's enough to discourage you from tossing your clothes in the hamper. Still, I'm not talking about "Tips 'n Tricks" here. I hate tips 'n tricks! They're like taking a Tylenol when you cut off your leg. You need to extrapolate that to life systems to support how you want to live.

Your system is useless until you define "good enough."

I could skip the next two or three times I need to vacuum my closet, and I wouldn't care. If I get to it every year or so, it's absolutely good enough. "Good enough" means I address my paperwork file once a week and clear it out. I don't have to do it every day unless I feel like it. "Good enough" is walking for five minutes on the hour around my living room until I get my 10,000 steps in. I don't have to walk for three miles unless I want to. "Good enough" is spreading up the bed and tossing the shams at the head. I don't have to bounce a quarter off the damn thing unless I get a wild hare to do that sometimes. Don't give yourself an image of perfection you have to attain, or you'll do nothing.

It's okay for "good enough" to change

Remember how it took thirty years to get to vacuuming a closet? There was a time when that chore wasn't on the "good enough" list, and ya know what? That's fine. Have your "good enough" be slightly, but only slightly, ahead of what you're currently doing if you want to make improvements. Incremental improvements over time, and I mean decades, are pretty dramatic when you look back.

Good enough can stay good enough

My exercise parameters have me getting in an average of 10,000 steps a day as measured over a month. That is never going to change. If the Spirit moves me, I'll do more. But I'm not going to keep raising the bar over and over and over. This is it. I'm good. I'm maintaining.

It takes decades to get your life in order. What small thing will you do today?

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.

[coooonnnn]

Back in college, let the challenge commence; Web Authoring Blog 4:

I sit in the office as everyone else has gone home. Early finish on a Friday, for some. I’ve stayed back to catch up on some college work. Was I tempted to join the rest, go home and put the feet up? Absolutely. But look, to be honest I would probably just be sitting at home aimlessly scrolling on my phone, this is good for me. Also I really hope the whole finish at 3 thing doesn’t come across as me playing the sympathy card. I’m also hoping that this blog doesn’t slowly turn more and more into my own personal self therapy and less about Web Authoring. Lets keep this on track Conor. 

Right, so once again, I do feel that I am playing a bit of catch up with the class. And I’m not going to sit here and pretend it’s not through any fault but my own. I mean I have been attending most lectures and trying to keep not on top of things, but more afloat let’s say. I try stay back in the office most days after work to do the relevant college work, but for lack of a better saying, my brain can be pure mush after work. But I do try, most days (The self therapy has kicked in once again). So anyway, I read the blog on Wordpress, and it was actually interesting. I suppose my expectations were pretty low just judging off ‘wordpress’, the word doesn’t shout out exciting. It was probably so interesting because it’s so relevant to what I’m learning in class which instantly makes it more engaging. But it’s also obviously just relevant to society as a whole these days. Considering how much we engage with websites, blogs, social media and the list goes on. But it was also a very well structured and engaging article. It can be more difficult to engage people when there’s no huge narrative or story to tell. This was just explaining something, but I thought it was very well done anyway. I gave a more detailed breakdown on my thoughts on it all on the forum post.

I continued to do more of codecamp this week as well as bit of reading on HTML and CSS in general. Let’s discuss codecamp first. The practical approach which I am doing with code camp is definitely helping. It’s a really well designed website. It’s both practical and just great for simplifying and breaking down each task. I can see why so many were recommending it. Also, when you pass each test it gives you a little dopamine hit. Sort of like a methadone to the time I’m not wasting on social media and actually using to be productive. I also did a bit of the prescribed reading. Something I should have been keeping more on top of the last few weeks but mostly due to bad time management, have let slip. I started by just reading the basic tags, it was a very quick read as I already had a grasp of most of these but never bad to be constantly looking over so it sticks with you. I then went on to read the article on Web standards which was brief enough but very informative and sort of essential knowledge to have when working in the area. Gemma did mention it in her lectures but the article was also very good at explaining the matter. What stood out when reading this was the importance of validating your code. Which will obviously be very important when doing the assignment. It was also great because it gave a list of different tools to help validate your code. I will definitely be using some of them when carrying out the assignment. It also went into describing semantics of code and the importance of it as well as giving some examples which was also interesting. I still struggled a bit with grasping the details of semantics with code so I read the article listed on Gemmas Moodle called ‘Lets talk about semantics’.

As mentioned above, when doing some reading in relation to HTML, the importance of semantics of code seemed to appear quite a bit. I used to hear the word semantics back in the day when I would be watching an online Youtube show where people debate about movies. It sort of makes sense in that context. It’s all about how humans interpret different words and I suppose it’s actually no different to computers when it comes to coding. It’s actually something I never really thought about until I started reading up on the matter, but it’s pretty interesting. And if you get into the grander ideas of it, there’s definitely some great material for an interesting sci-fi/AI take over the world movie on the whole topic. Anyway, lets not get into that. Like any language, HTML is nuanced and complex and therefore can easily be misinterpreted, a matter that always fascinated me when it came to human psychology, and really isn’t any less interesting when it comes to the machine understanding side of it. It then went on to discuss an article called ‘Our pointless pursuit of semantic value by Divya Manning, an article which went under a huge amount of scrutiny in that scene. From what was discussed, it seemed to be actually extremely relatable, so I went on to read the article in full. It was an interesting read, and also very reassuring to know that everyone went through the struggles I’m currently facing with HTML, even those with great knowledge on it, and a lot overcame it. The author struggled, just like myself, but went on to justify the struggle, something I find myself doing every day when I’m overthinking how much I’m struggling, not only with Web Authoring, but with the course as a whole. And due to the circumstances we’re in which doesn’t really give us the opportunity to share the struggle with our fellow classmates, being able to read about it is a pretty good compromise. There wasn’t a huge amount of room for me to critique her article due to my lack of knowledge but it was still a good read all the same. Anyway back to the ‘Lets talk about semantics’ article. Towards the end it lost me a bit, partly due to my tiredness and partly due to the information in it and the lack of information in my brain about the subject. But it was still a good read, and definitely helped develop my ever growing knowledge on the subject. 

I did a very brief bit of reading on CSS, not near as much as I should have considering my struggle with the topic in Saturdays class. I do aim to do more next week though. Once again, the class great, but unfortunately I’ve always struggled with classroom learning. Something I tried to work on in later years but really let it slip again. Even with some of my favourite teachers and lecturers back in school and college, I always struggled. There was a lot of mention of fonts and colours and it seems to be about making your code and website as engaging as possible for the user. As stated, I will do more reading on it in the coming week and hopefully get some practice in too. I just wanted to get a bit more of a grasp on HTML before that. 

Anyway this blog was a whole lot longer than I ever intended. As I stated above, I need to continue to work on my time management if I want to do well with this course.Anyway, let’s end this weeks blog as I started it, a good old fashioned bit of Self Therapy. I’ve probably said it at least 20 times in these blogs, but I’m struggling, and I’m worrying. there is backstory as to why I’m in this course but that’s another tale for another time. I’m putting a lot into this course and would hate to come out with nothing. If I don’t up my game, I worry I won’t make it through. I actually watched a video today explaining the importance of struggle in life. Not to sound too cliched, but it can make you a better person in the process. I do believe that. I’m going to embrace this struggle. I aim to start the assignment ext week as I feel it might be the best way for me to learn, it will help give me a bit more structure that I feel I need. Am I at the level of knowledge to start the assignment, some would say no. But I feel it’s the best way for me to approach things and make best use of my time while learning as much as i can in the time I have. Sometimes if you have a hunch you just have to go with it. Time will give a good idea if I was right or wrong. I haven;t checked the word count on this blog, so if it’s 750000000000 words I do apologize to the reader, if you’re still reading at this point that is. Anyway, until next time!

[tateishitoshiki]

[Translation] Toshiki Tateishi Livedoor Interview (19/12/19)

I translated the interview that was posted on his birthday!

I also crossposted this to my translation blog on Wordpress.

From a firefighter to the world of entertainment――Looking back at Toshiki Tateishi’s journey to where he is now, on his 26th birthday

Celebrating Toshiki Tateishi who’s approaching his 26th birthday on December 19th with balloons and confetti! “I’m happy because it’s the first time that an article about me is getting released on my birthday!” he said, beaming from ear to ear as he did the photoshoot.

His stage debut was Musical The Prince of Tennis 3rd Season (hereinafter referred to as “Tenimyu”) in 2017. His popularity rose after he took part in Mankai Stage “A3!”, and in only a few years, he quickly became known as a popular young actor.

There is such a term as an Akita Beauty, but Tateishi surely classifies as an “Akita Adonis”.

Looks that you can’t get tired of looking at, skin that has a smooth, silk-like clearness, and an atmosphere that overflows with elegance…… It came as a shock that despite having this level of flawless beauty, he used to be a firefighter before going into the world of showbiz.

In this interview, he talked about the whole story of how he came to aspire to become a firefighter, and the encounters that brought him to reaffirm his feelings for singing.

For my birthday this year, I’d like to get myself an electric bike 

ーYou’re turning 26 on December 19th. Congratulations!

Thank you!

ーWe had a birthday-themed photoshoot today, with balloons and even confetti.

I had a lot of fun doing things I couldn’t do as a child (haha)

ーCan you tell us about your past birthday parties?

When I was young, I used to invite my friends from class to my house every year for a birthday party, but when I was in 1st or 2nd grade, my parents gave me a soccer ball. It made me so happy that I kicked it around inside the room, and it ended up landing on top of the cake, which hadn’t even been cut yet (haha)

ーHuh? Didn’t your parents get mad?

It was my birthday, so they couldn’t get mad at me (haha). Though I would say that they’re the type of parents that never really get mad.

ーThat’s such a charming story (haha). December 19th is pretty close to Christmas, isn’t it? Did you ever get only one present for both your birthday and Christmas? 

No, they always made it separate. I have sisters who are 5 and 7 years older than me, so as the youngest child, they were very affectionate to me. I guess I was quite spoiled (haha)

ーDo you plan on getting yourself anything for your birthday this year?

I haven’t thought about it. … But now I think I’d like to get an electric bicycle.

It’s because I went to a photoshoot by bike sometime ago, but I kept getting overtaken and it took quite some time to get there, so it was pretty tough (haha). I’ve also had people around me suggest it, saying, “You should definitely buy an electric bike,” so maybe I will buy one.

ーNow that you’re turning 26, you’ve reached the turning point of your 20s. Is there anything you’d like to do before you turn 30?

I’m not much of a planner, so… (haha)

ーHow about things like what you want to do in a job?

Thankfully, right now, I’m able to work both with music in a group and in stageplays, and I’ve just started working in film… Yeah, I would like to expand my horizons more. 

Ah, I love eating, so I would love to appear in a variety show or something that involves doing food reviews without having to stop working in music and acting.

ーI want to watch a program that shows more of your personality

Yes, please! Something like “TOshiki Tateishi’s TOwn Walk” sounds like fun! (haha)

Playing the role of Yukimura led me to grow as an actor and as a person 

ーYour birthday on December 19th is also the same day as the opening night of Musical The Prince of Tennis 3rd Season Seigaku VS Rikkai The Last Half.

That’s right!

ーYou play the role of Seiichi Yukimura of Rikkai. In a previous Livedoor interview, you talked about asking your manager to let you know if Tenimyu starts taking auditions. What made you want to be in Tenimyu in the first place?

After I quit being a firefighter, I passed an audition and started taking lessons. But, I fell into a slump and shut everything out, and there was a period when I didn’t go to my lessons and instead did nothing but watch movies.

At that time, I thought that watching films and then laughing and crying because of acting is the same as listening to music and then feeling moved. It made me think that I want to be someone like this, I want to try being an actor.

… So, the question is, why did I audition for Tenimyu, huh? (haha)

ーYes. (haha)

I heard that it was a gateway to success for young actors, so I wanted to challenge it.

ーI heard that you were in the swimming club and the baseball club when you were a student, but did you have any experience with tennis?

I didn’t. That’s why I don’t know the rules, and the first time I ever held a racket was in Tenimyu.

But I remember thinking of it this way. It took time to audition, and I got the part through that, so no matter how difficult the training is, I have no choice but to do it! Anyway, instead of thinking that it’s difficult, I desperately, frantically devoted myself to it.

ーGiven that you have a lot of co-stars, did you ever face any troubles occasionally?

I did find myself troubled with personal relationships. We had to make one production with that large number of people, so we were bound to have some conflicts, and now that I think about it, we couldn’t really make it work at first. But as we attended more rehearsals, we overcame our hardships and our bonds were formed.

ーWas there any pressure in debuting with the role of Yukimura? 

Of course there was. Rikkai is the champion school, so there was the impatience that I had to meet everyone’s expectations. I came in with no skills or anything at all, so there was still the shyness at having to act. It made me very worried.

ーSpeaking of Yukimura, being the captain of Rikkai makes him the strongest guy among all of Japan middle school tennis.

Yes. Yukimura started out with scenes wherein he was hospitalized instead of tennis scenes, so that part was difficult.

ーHow was it difficult?

I think it’s relatively easier to portray his strong “Child of God” side where he’s reigning at the summit of Rikkai. But when I had to sing in a scene where he was still hospitalized, I found it difficult to portray his frailty while also preserving the inner strength of his spirit.  

There’s a part where he sings, “Do your best, I’m praying for you,” to his friends in Rikkai, but I guess I sang it too weakly. The director told me, “Yukimura is originally a physically and mentally strong player, so express his hidden inner strength even through song,” so I had a fairly hard time dealing with that.

ーYou gain a deeper understanding of Yukimura while playing his role, but what do you think makes him attractive?

Like I mentioned, I guess it’s his mental strength as a person. His demeanor is fairly gentle, but I think he’s strong and likes tennis more than everyone else. He also has a ruthless side to him, he hates losing, he never wavers… he’s very cool. I respect who he is on the inside, and I think playing the role of Yukimura led me to grow as an actor and as a person.

I thought it’s amazing to have a job where you save lives 

ーI’d like to hear about the time before you entered this world, your firefighter days. Last October, Jun Utahiroba introduced your history in Mezamashi TV’s Ikemen Notebook corner.

A lot of people messaged me to say “I saw you”, and my Twitter follower count increased, haha. It even went trending on Twitter.

ー#Tateishi-kun (#立石くん) and #FirefighterDaysPic (#消防士時代の写真) did go trending on Twitter. I thought it was clever when Utahiroba said, “If he were dripping in sexiness like this, fires would go out on their own.”

He also said things like “Announcing a burning love alert!” haha. I’m very thankful. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Utahiroba again for featuring me in his corner.

ーOkay, I’ll write that down, haha. When you were deciding on your career, you had a hard time choosing between attending university or becoming a firefighter, weren’t you?

When my mom asked me, “Why do you want to go to college? What’s your purpose for going there?”, I couldn’t answer her. So when I thought again about what I wanted to do, I decided that I wanted to aim to become a firefighter. 

ーOf all the jobs out there, why firefighting?

There was a fire prevention drill at my elementary school, and the firefighters that came to lead it were cool. Boys at that age do find things they admire at least once. After that, the film “Umizaru” became popular when I was in middle school. The term “lifesaving” left a huge impression on me, and I thought that while it may be difficult, a job that saves lives is really wonderful. I wanted to have something worth doing like that as my profession.. 

ーYour sense of justice has been very strong since you were young.

Hmm, I wonder. Is it? Haha

ーI heard that the Tokyo Fire and Disaster Management Agency is quite hard to get into. Their acceptance rate is high; did you have to work hard at studying? 

I did, haha. They had a written exam and a physical strength exam, but I started studying since first year high school, had tutorials, and I asked my upperclassmen about it.

ーIt must have been hard to build physical strength as well.

Yes. I was already doing sports, so I had a foundation to build on, but I still did a lot of muscle training and running.

I cried in frustration at the words of an old stranger, one night in Kitasenju  

ーAfter that, you passed the entrance exam in one take and moved to Tokyo.

I didn’t exactly work immediately after I was employed. I went to a fire fighting school to learn the necessary information and skills, and there I experienced living in a dorm. I was raised with two older sisters and I always went to co-ed schools, so I was overwhelmed when I entered, haha. 

ーHaha. They must have been very strict with rules.

There’s a curfew at night and the time when you’re supposed to wake up is also fixed, so it was difficult to live out our lives with all those things decided for us. When we woke up in the morning, we ran and assembled at the oval, and then we had a roll-call. They even had rules on how to fold our mattresses. If you don’t fold it properly, you’ll have to do it over again, so they had very detailed rules like that.

ーWhat left a deep impression on you in your nearly two years of working as a firefighter?

What left the biggest impression was probably the people I met. The instructor and assistant instructor in my class were very compassionate people, and I’m very glad I met them. Above all, I still keep in touch with the assistant instructor. We even went out to drink together around the end of last year, just the two of us. 

ーHe’s still concerned about you even until now.

He’s the kind of person who would talk about things straight and to the point, which is something most adults wouldn’t do. I also opened up to him and talked to him about how I wanted to pursue music. …… Ahh, that brings me back, haha. Which reminds me, I was invited by my higher-up who likes music to perform at a small bar in Kitasenju. That assistant instructor also came to watch.

ーWhat did you sing?

A song by my higher-up’s favorite, Yutaka Ozaki. I didn’t know that song too well, but I tried to copy the way Ozaki sings when I sang it. When I did that, an old man who came as a guest told me, “Is that your real voice? You don’t leave an impression at all even if you copy voices like that.”

… Those words pierced through my chest, and after the live, I cried while eating sushi in front of my assistant instructor and my higher-up, haha.

ーYou cried tears of frustration.

I haven’t cried in front of anyone ever since I became an adult…… but it somehow spilled out.

ーIs that the point when your dreams of becoming a singer were brought back to life?

I suppose so. That time was frustrating, but I’m grateful to that old man now, haha. 

When anxiety and fear turned into “fun”. I found a turning point in Mankai Stage

ーAfter experiencing your debut at Tenimyu in 2017, you gained a sudden rise in popularity by appearing as Itaru Chigasaki in the 2018 production of Mankai Stage “A3!”. Do you remember the time when you got accepted for your role in Mankai Stage?

I went into Mankai Stage after experiencing two musicals in Tenimyu, but at the time, I was still afraid of standing on stage and felt embarrassed to act, so I was very anxious. On top of that, he’s an extremely popular character, and he’s really attractive, so I didn’t know what to do.

That’s why I consulted my co-actors a lot, like Yamato (Furuya) who plays Citron and Ray Fujita who plays Sakyo Furuichi. I stood on stage carrying all my unease at the start, but around the closing night, I felt like I finally had a grasp on Itaru’s character.

ーReally?

Itaru places distance between his colleagues in the Spring troupe and himself at the beginning, so in our first musical, I deliberately made a wall between the cast and myself.

ーWere you pulled in by your role?

It did have quite an effect at the time. I couldn’t really switch between work and private life, so I could only face them wholly. But now, of course, even if a role like that comes up again, I won’t be pulled in by my role, haha. 

ーThere’s a scene in the play where Itaru starts to find theatre fun. Has your own feelings ever overlapped with Itaru’s?

There was. The first performances in Tokyo ended in July, and the Tokyo return shows weren’t until 3 months after, so there was a lot of time in between. I was very frantic at first and it was just a lot, but by the Tokyo return shows, I found it fun.

ーHow did you feel on stage before the Tokyo return shows?

I didn’t know what to do, and I was pretty much just scared. I didn’t get to stand on stage all that much as Yukimura in Tenimyu, so I wasn’t used to the stage yet. I was a lot more nervous as Itaru than as Yukimura, haha. It almost felt like I was making my first stage appearance. From there, the Tokyo return shows passed and I grew accustomed to it little by little.

Apart from that, the Autumn & Winter 2019 performance which ran from January until March was also a turning point for me. Itaru appeared in it to support the Autumn troupe and the Winter troupe, but everyone’s acting made me want to do better too, and I was really impressed.

ーDuring the Osaka run, you also did things like go to Universal Studios Japan with the Winter troupe.

That’s right. We really got along well, and every time we ate during the provincial tour, it was like, the Winter troupe plus me, haha. Ryo Kitamura and Makki (Yoshihiko Aramaki), Kandai Ueda, Ue-chan (Keisuke Ueda), Ryosei Tanaka, would go, “Let’s grab some food,” and invite me. It was a very nice, comfortable place.

ーAnd, you mentioned before that during the the rehearsals for the Spring solo performance in April this year that the words of Director Fumiya Matsuzaki gave you confidence.

Yes. During the break, Director Matsuzaki told me, “The fact that you’re having fun while acting is showing in your performance this time,” and I felt really happy that he went out of his way just to tell me that. That gave me confidence. I really owe Director Matsuzaki a lot as my teacher.  

ーDid you welcome the Spring solo performance with that feeling?

It was the best! 

There were a lot of scenes where Itaru drags the stage, so I really felt like I had control of the stage, and while that came with a lot of responsibility, it was extremely fun. I felt the sense that I was creating the play along with everyone in the Spring troupe.

ー2019 was the year of development for you, wasn’t it?

I was. But Mankai Stage actually started the year before, even though I feel like it’s been three years, haha. I guess, with that, 2019 was quite a fruitful year.

Toshiki Tateishi takes on the “Would You Rather?” challenge!

ーQuestion 1: If you were to have only one friend for a lifetime, would you rather have... A. A friend who always cancels on you at the last minute B. A friend who always gets jealous easily

Will I ever get to meet my friend even if they always cancel at the last minute?

ーYou will meet them, but they will frequently message to say, “I can’t go today,” even if you’re already at your arranged meeting spot.

Then I guess it’s better to have a jealous friend.

ーHow come?

Isn’t it nice, though? You’re very much loved, haha. 

ーThey’ll keep nagging you with questions like, “Who were you with yesterday?”, though.

Isn’t that cute? Haha

If they ask, it would be fine to just answer and say, “I was with ___.” Even if they easily get jealous, I’m sure that if we hang out together, they’ll cheer up about it. Sudden cancellations just ruin plans, so that’s worse, haha.

ーQuestion 2: If you were to get married, would you rather be married to... A. A girl who doesn’t talk at all B. A girl who will talk your ears off for as long as you’re together

There are a lot of things you can’t communicate without talking, so it’s better to be with a girl who talks than a girl who doesn’t. I’d rather not be told something later on like, “The truth is, it was like this, but…”

ーThere are a lot of stories where someone doesn’t want to say something but wants their partner to notice on their own.

True. That’s why I’d be happier if they would just say it.

ーBut if you come home from work all tired, and they’ll keep talking and talking...

Then I’ll make them be quiet. I can’t just let them talk for 24 hours, haha.

ーQuestion 3: If you were to go on an overseas trip, would you rather... A. Be left behind in a jungle B. Be left behind in a desert

Aaaagh… both of those are really scary. There would probably be water and food in the jungle, but there would also be crocodiles and snakes and bears and insects, and there are a lot of dangers. On the other hand, it’s hot in the desert, and there would be nothing to drink, and even in the desert, there would still be snakes and scorpions.

(grimaces) Yikes...

ーIt’s “Would You Rather”, so you’ll have to make do... 

For the desert, it also depends on how long it would take for me to get to a town.

ーPerhaps you might find an oasis along the way.

If I’m allowed to wear proper, durable clothes, I’ll go for the desert. Even if I suddenly get attacked by a scorpion hidden in the sand, my clothes will be strong enough to defend me, haha.

ーQuestion 4: If you were to be reborn, would you rather be... A. A guy B. A girl

Huh, I’ve never thought of that before.

ーIs it because you have sisters? So you don’t have any curiosity towards what it’s like to be a girl.

That’s probably it. I’ve had friends who only have brothers tell me, “Must be nice to have sisters,” but I’d tell them, “Not really,” haha. 

Ahh, what do I do. I think I’d like to be a dolphin or a bird.

ーThat’s a good answer, haha.

Ah, but I don’t want to see the sea at night; it gets scary. Guess I’d rather turn into a bird after all, haha.

ーQuestion 5: What kind of 2020 would you rather have? A. A calm year where nothing good and nothing bad happens B. A turbulent year where you experience the best and worst moments of your life

I wonder how bad the worst moment could be, haha. I’m sure there are people who prefer to live a safe life with no gains and no losses, but that’s scary. … But, yeah, I guess I’d definitely go for a year with the best and worst moments.  

ーYou prefer the turbulent year?

It isn’t time for me to rest yet, I guess. It would be nice to spend my days peacefully someday, but for now, I want to experience a lot of things and grow more. So bring it on, turbulent 2020.

[astralbooks]

The Silvered Serpents - Roshani Chokshi

Read: 21/09/2020 - 28/09/2020

Rating: 5/5

Rep: french-algerian main character, bisexual spanish-fillipino main character, south indian main character, autistic jewish main character, achillean french-haitian main character

CW: grief, terminal illness, murder, antisemitism, self harm (for magical purposes), sexual assualt by deception, mention of suicide, mention of cruelty to animals, mention of miscarriage

I read The Gilded Wolves not too long ago and I enjoyed it. I knew before I started reading The Silvered Serpents that I would probably enjoy it too, and that this series had the potential to become a favourite of mine depending on how this one went. Chokshi then proceeded to hurt me from the very first chapter, and it took me ages to read this whole book because I knew that every time I picked it up I’d get hurt again, so obviously I loved it and this series is definitely a favourite of mine. Which makes talking about it in a review rather difficult, but I’m trying my best. Please bear with me lmao.

Séverin’s goals and motivation has changed massively following the end of The Gilded Wolves. He’s very much not coping well, and if you were to try and place him somewhere on the five stages of grief he’s stuck at stage one. His new goal is born from this, and oh boy. It’s a type of goal that’s usually reserved for villains. Which is something that Séverin seems to almost be aware of, but he’s so sure of himself and so clouded by his own grief that despite everything that it will take to get there he’s choosing to do it anyway. I know I’m not the only one who spent a lot of their time reading this wanting to reach into the book and shake some sense into him. It was fascinating to read, it was a highly unusual direction for a protagonist’s arc to be going in, and it caused me much pain. 

There were a couple of things concerning Laila that I really liked. The first is something that was also the case in the first book. Laila is shown to have casual sex sometimes, and she isn’t demonised or glorified for it. It’s just a thing that she does because she enjoys it, and that’s okay! It doesn’t make her worse than anyone else and it doesn’t make her better than anyone else. It’s a really small part of the series and of her character but it’s something that I appreciated and I’m glad that Chokshi included and wrote it the way she did.

Another thing that I like about Laila is that she refuses to fall prey to certain misogynistic tropes, especially when other characters seem to expect her to conform to them. A new character is introduced in this book who develops a crush on Séverin, and she takes an instant dislike to Laila because of her not-relationship with him. Laila, however, is unwilling to participate in a rivalry and holds no ill-will against this character because of this. Laila saw the girl-hate trope and said no. This book takes place in a period of time very close to Laila’s birthday, less than a month away from it, meaning that she’s due to die soon. When it’s suggested to her that maybe if she tells Séverin about it he’ll start to act more like his old self again, she shuts that suggestion down immediately. She has enough respect for herself not to let her death just be motivation for the boy in her life. Her death is her own. Laila saw the fridging trope and said no.

I want to give Zofia a hug and reassure her that her friends do love her and don’t think she’s a burden at all. It’s very obvious from all of her friends’ POVs that they adore her, but she doesn’t believe it and thinks they’re just putting up with her. This is probably relatable to a lot of people, including myself at times, but it doesn’t make it any easier to read ;_;

I didn’t expect the Hypnos/Enrique/Zofia triangle to develop in quite the way that it did, but I liked the way that it’s going! I’m going to avoid going into too many details about it here, but this storyline highlights that mutual attraction alone doesn’t necessarily mean that a perfect relationship will follow, even if everyone involved in said relationship are ultimately good people who care about each other. I’m still holding out hope for a happy ending for all three of them!

I told my partner about the book as I was reading it, and I ever so slightly spammed them while I was in the final stretch. Highlights from that conversation can be found in the version of this review posted on my Wordpress blog!

I think it’s safe to say that I’m in pretty deep with this series. I just checked what content there is for it on ao3, and I am horrified at the lack of fic there. This is a disgrace. Somebody needs to rectify this immediately. (Please don’t make that person be me, I have enough to do already.)

In case it wasn’t clear already, I highly recommend this series. My heart has been stabbed multiple times and I need more people to suffer with me.

I received an e-arc through Netgalley in return for an honest review.

[checkoutafrica]

Twitch; The Romantic Gangster

What a great time to be alive! Right now we are in the middle of a revolution, African music is slowly taking over and finally receiving the attention it deserves. Even in a pandemic, no one can stop greatness!

All eyes are on us but more recently, all eyes are on rising African star, Twitch, as he releases his highly anticipated debut EP, Lost. The Ghanaian singer and songwriter manages to mix elements of Afrobeats, RnB, and Pop to produce a sound he likes to refer to as Coastal Music and I have to say it’s quickly become one of my favourite sounds – his song chaskele has been on repeat non-stop since the release of Lost.

The punchy, four-track offering centred around the theme of “love”, Twitch shares: “It’s been a long time in the making. A lot of effort went into the music in this project. I wrote each song to capture the emotions I feel and hopefully leave a piece of me with every verse.” His EP for me is a true representation of what it means to be young and the emotions we feel as we transition from young people to actual adults, so many of us are lost in love and so many of us are lost in life trying to figure out the people that we truly want to be.

This is literally only the beginning for Twitch – there’s a lot more that the continent and global music community can expect from the 22-year-old in years to come and I can’t wait to see his career blossom!

View this post on Instagram

What song are you listening to?

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Aug 13, 2020 at 3:58am PDT

When did you first discover your passion for music?

I’ve been singing since childhood, I grew with my grandmother, mom and little sister so we didn’t have electricity at the time and she didn’t want me going to a neighbours house or anywhere else really so she would teach us how to sing in parts. I’ve been singing since childhood, I was a choir director at my primary school and the secondary school too – I’ve always had this passion for music!

Would you say that your sound/ vibe has changed in any way from when you first started making music to now?

Yes because I started making music as a normal ling man who knew nothing about music. It was just me, my voice and vibes. Then when I met up with ground-up chale, that’s when things sort of changed – they’d give you songs to listen to and then they’ll nurture you – give you a couple of videos to look at, really help you move out of your comfort zone. I really think they’ve helped me to develop a lot as an artist. Then me, myself I listen to a lot of music, I’m always trying to better my sound- right now my favourite artist is Burna Boy. I feel like he talks to me all the time, as a musician, I would want to preach what he preaches as well, I feel like he says things that I would love to say but he makes it so perfect.

What would you say is your biggest achievement so far in your career?

When it comes to streams we’ve done well for quite some time because I think I’ve streamed more than a million on apple music, Spotify and youtube etc. I am very grateful for that, I’m still trying to connect people and bring them into my circle musically so I am doing that bit by bit.

View this post on Instagram

Really appreciate the love and support from you guys so far Chale. Pre add LOST EP by tapping the link in my bio

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Jul 26, 2020 at 1:14pm PDT

How did you come up with the term coastal music to describe your sound?

Coastal music is more of like music, let’s say from Africa but mostly from ghana – so music from like highlife but at the same time I’m also trying to get influence by other parts of Africa as well, I listen to Nigerian music, South African music and I fuse it all together. So coastal music can be music that you listen to with your girlfriend in your room or music that you listen to at the beach, in the stadium, when you’re sober when you’re happy – it fits every mood and you can listen to it literally anywhere. It’s just vibes; mainly Ghanian but also fused with other parts of Africa.

Tell us more about your ep lost.

It’s called lost because I feel like I’m lost in love and then, on the other hand, I’m lost in life – when I say I’m lost in life, I feel like this applies to everyone because people don’t know the right or correct formula to be successful, everyone is just coasting through life trying their best not to mess up and find their own paradise.

Then I’m lost in love – I’ve been in certain relationships and it happens all the time that I end up broken-hearted and I don’t know what the problem is because I am a very emotional person and I try to love people a lot and it never ends well.

Lastly, like I mentioned before I grew up with my mom, grandma and little sister so me witnessing arguments between my mom and dad before my dad finally left her at the age of 6 made me realise that maybe sometimes love is not real but it still is real – the whole thing is so fucked up.

How would you yourself describe the feeling of being in love?

Being in love for me is being in a moment where you can’t think of ANYONE ELSE but your partner, you’ll be in a position where anything and everything you do, you’ll be thinking about that person 24/7 – you just think about that person all day every day, it’s like your brain just stops multitasking. That’s love.

View this post on Instagram

No Returning

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Jun 4, 2020 at 12:20pm PDT

Which song from the ep holds the most significance in your life?

Every single one of them, I feel like I needed to say a lot but I was able to say enough on just 4 songs because if I had said everything, it would’ve been a whole album, you get me? I tried my possible best to say everything on those 4 tracks.

On the first song, I talk about the distance between my and my partner, at that time she wasn’t in the country but I was trying my absolute best to make her feel like I was with her and I don’t really give compliments in person, I’ve got this gangster thing about me so I put all my emotions in a song and be like “yo, just listen to this song, I’m trying to speak to you” I was trying to let her know that I’m always with her no matter the distance.

Then with the second song baby, at that point, I didn’t think about anyone else. It got to a point where even if she did wrong, I still didn’t have a problem with it, so I was just trying to exaggerate that I love her with that song.

The third song Chaskele, is when I was broken-hearted and I also drew inspiration from my mom and dad, my dad left when I was 6 and I didn’t understand the fact that my mum loved my dad so much and then they parted ways, I felt like I came into that position too when my partner left me.

Lastly, the fourth song on the EP which is dada and that’s me trying to motivate the youth and trying to tell everybody that you should know yourself and you should know the purpose that you’re meant to serve in life, once you know that, no one can ever lie to you because you’ll know your worth.

You call yourself a romantic gangster but not a romantic person, what do you mean by this?

Naturally I don’t talk too much and I am a very straight forward person, when I see you going wayward I will tell you directly and when I give out compliments I don’t say a lot so I feel like people don’t really feel it but I really do mean it, luckily for me, God has blessed me vocally so I’ll put all the vibes in a song and make you feel emotions through my music so you know what I’m trying to say.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for a girl?

I once travelled 6 hours to surprise a girl – I just texted her like “yo, what are you doing?” she was said she was in her room and I told her that I was in front of her gate. I didn’t even catch a flight, I was on the bus for 6 hours with my hoodie up because I didn’t want anyone to see me, I was just waiting patiently to meet her.

View this post on Instagram

4EVA @lelewan__

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Apr 26, 2020 at 1:23pm PDT

What is your favourite thing about growing up in Ghana?

Ghana is a very beautiful country you know? Compared to other countries I feel like it’s very relaxed, there’s no pressure from what I see. This country allows you to sit and think about how you can be successful in life, there’s pressure but there’s no pressure – the love is more than the hate, no matter how gangster someone may appear they still love their people. So I love being Ghanian.

If you could collab with anyone dead or alive who would it be and why?

Dead I’d have to say Michael Jackson or Bob Marley for obvious reasons! And alive, without a doubt Burna Boy, him before anyone else.

Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?

In the next 10 years I see myself being the topic of African music!

View this post on Instagram

Have You Watched The Video for BABY yet?

Check link in my bio!

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Aug 15, 2020 at 10:27am PDT

Listen to his EP lost Now;

The post Twitch; The Romantic Gangster appeared first on CheckoutAfrica.

from WordPress https://www.checkoutafrica.com/twitch-the-romantic-gangster/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=twitch-the-romantic-gangster

[everybody-loves-purdy]

Honestly, if there's one thing I'm glad about in modern Warriors, it's that the fandom is much more... conscious. Back when I was 12 or so, I was constantly coming across YT videos and Wordpress posts calling Squirrelflight every misogynistic slur in the book because "that **** broke Ashfur's heart!!". Nowadays if someone tried that, they'd be shunned pretty quickly, I think. Not to mention how gay and trans headcanons/OCs are super accepted. It's better than I remember.

Yeah I remember the warriors fandom when I first got in and it really wasn’t great, along with all the misogyny and glorifying of certain villains, there was a bunch of hate towards a lot of characters for no apparent reason for example people started to hate Mousefur for being “old”, people hated Ferncloud for being a permaqueen etc (to the point where Ferncloud’s death was by popular demand and I remember people actively celebrating Firestar, Ferncloud, Mousefur and Hollyleaf dying)

I also remember how LGBTQ+ people were kind of shoved aside, the most LGBTQ+ related stuff I ever used to see when I was 12/13 was one small rp forum I stumbled across called “Gayclan” and it had about 12 members. I don’t think I ever saw too much of it myself but from what I have heard from others harassment in the fandom wasn’t uncommon back then. I’m so happy we’ve moved on from that, especially to the point we are today with so many amazing LGBTQ+ headcanons, ships and OCs.

Yeah the fandom isn’t perfect and there’s still issues but it is so much better than it used to be and most people currently here I’ve personally come across are genuinely lovely creative people.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i think the whole reason that I hated using wordpress (who has now ironically bought this hellsite) in that first year of the comms & media course i began at uni.... was because it’s another social media platform, like twitter etc, where you had to make yourself open to the mortifying ordeal of being known.... and that it‘s also perceived as the “professional blogging website” bc it has competent coding etc.... and you’re also kinda forced to find your niche to pump out content to write.... so that you might get noticed by their “explore” feature/filter.

you also have to sound “professional” when you write on wordpress. wordpress makes it seem like you’re meant to be devoid of your personality for the sake churning out content and subscribers (or at least that’s what it felt like to me tbh).... and possibly eventually sell your services or have advertisers apply for ad space on your blog so that you get paid. and maybe you also sell merch through your blog/website. you have to have a professional sounding URL to sound adult and business-like. you have to have a pro profile pic of yourself or your blogs brand name or whatever the fuck as your display pic or header. it’s really built for you to make your blog a business or for a business to have a blog. it’s not built, in my view, for someone like me, to “authentically”, if you will let me permit to say, express who they are.

whereas on here, i’ve been anonymously posting under the same URL that i started with in my late teens/late high school. people think im just a simple mysterious roaring pikachu (until i post a selfie lmao); that likes mid2000s emo/pop punk etc bands and any random new tv show/movie/media and political posts that come up on her dash.... so that her blog isn’t focussed at all.

in terms of content here on tumblr, i can reblog any random old jackshit posts in a row and still get reblogs/follows; and it’s the same with my own original posts. im in my own little corner of the internet and it’s nice. im allowed to be myself. have my meltdowns and swear like a fucking sailor, like i’ve always done lmao. no professional jargon bullshit here. no language sanitisation to make it sound professional.

i don’t have to sell my hobby. i don’t have advertisers asking for ad space (or however it works lol) bc absolutely fucking no one has cracked the tumblr advertising code yet (except for those frickin scummy scam survey websites, lol. which i’d never join. or those ugly clothing websites as well). like, okay, yeah, obviously in the past i’ve wanted to get paid for wasting my time here on this hellsite; and have actually wanted to employ someone else to maintain my blog, by cleaning out my old blog posts and liked posts lmao..... but i’ll never do that bc it’s my fucking blog and it’s my baby that i’ve had since 2011 lmao. then it’s not authentic.

i can yeet out my internet personality here which i’ve built for almost 10 years (or at the point mentioned at the beginning of this post, it was 4 years) lmao. why the fuck should i/do i have to do that again on wordpress??? the effort and time is too much. i don’t have to have a brand name or even have a display pic on my dash that’s me. i could be hermione granger. spongebob. pikachu lmao. who the fuck cares??? it’s tumblr. like fuck, i don’t even fucking know what my branding would actually be for this fucking blog lmao 😂😂😂 let alone my WP one.

but the anonymity on tumblr is so freeing when every other social media platform forces you to have a profile that’s painfully open & public, even when you have good privacy controls on. like some of the things that i still haven’t done on facebook, for example, are adding a cover photo. and filling out the stupid “about me facts” or whatever the fuck section. as well as filling out my location/where i live. so, that everyone i know, can know everything about me. and those things? in this age of data hoarding and exploitation/selling for ad services??? fuck no. they already have enough of my data as it is. they don’t need any fucking more than what they already bloody well have.

anyway. just. i’ll never move to wordpress. and if wordpress ever starts to charge for the use of tumblr or takes away the feature of anonymity by telling people to make some type of professional sounding URLs and wanting professional display pics..... i will fucking leave this blue vortex hellsite, stat..... and will miss the former anonymity that tumblr had.

as an addendum:

i just realised that the only other kind of social media site that i used, that had the same level of anonymity as tumblr (if you don’t count neopets as one lmao), was stumbleupon.... which let you build a profile of all the random pages that it suggested to you on a certain topic that you picked.... and it eventually let you talk to people through your account and add people, and added profile suggestions for people who had similar interests to you. it’s such a shame that stumbleupon shut down about 2 years ago or something now. that was such a wonderful site, even though i never talked to people on it 😂😓.

[tap-tap-tap-im-in]

Black Mage

“I don’t understand what you do, it all seems like black magic to me.” - A very honest and satisfied customer.

As someone who has had the pleasure and the curse of doing things that my boss doesn’t have the time or the context to understand, I can’t tell you how many times someone has expressed something like the above sentiment to me. I know a huge part of it is because I have been working at companies small enough that I don’t have very many peers who are fully aware of what I’m doing, and those few peers can’t always follow the logic I’m using. I honestly don’t know if that means I’m operating above them, or that my logic is hugely flawed, but after a few years of getting more positive results than negative I’m starting to trust my gut a lot more.

I’ve been called a doctor (I don’t hold a doctorate), a wizard (I don’t practice magic or magicks), and a lifesaver (I don’t know what flavor). I’ve also heard all sorts of negative descriptions of what I do, and its weird. These small companies need results that are affordable to maintain, and quick to implement, but the thing that they seem quickest to cast off, the thing that would bring my work from the shadows into the light, is documentation. I’ve tried my best to leave ample documentation at the positions I’ve left. I have no idea if it was enough, and at this point I don’t even really care because I was far more interested in making sure they had it than they were in me giving it to them.

I’ve learned a couple of things in the last few years of no one really knowing what I do, and I think I’d like to share those with you.

Keep documentation. As much of it as you can. If you’re the only one who knows something, if you forget it, everything is out to sea. Plus, if you decide to leave the position, you can hand over the documentation and not have any guilt about them not understanding what you did.

Find metrics for all of the work you do. They should be as honest as you can make them, but they need to be nicely quantifiable so that if your manager starts wondering about what it is you’re doing, you have a bunch of numbers to give them that look nice in a report to give to a client or upper management.

Lean into the laziness. I don’t mean miss deadlines or do sloppy work, those will get you fired, but instead relish in the fact that the only thing setting your own process is you. Research, learn, gather or build tools, and join online communities. All of these will make you better and faster at your job, and learning can be fun on its own, and you’d be surprised what kind of information you can tie back to your own job. I read about games and game engines all the time, my justification is that I look into the graphics technology and I crib some of their ideas to help me optimize websites and software.

I mentioned this above, but it really deserves its own point. Join a community of people who are doing something close to what you are doing. The hardest part of having a position like this is that there’s no real way to know if what you are doing is the right thing. Sure, it might be working for now, but is it the best? Learning from your peers can better your process, but it will also save you from a bunch of crippling doubt. Most people, even experts in their fields, are just kind of trying things to see if they work. The difference between experts and amateurs seems to be that experts do this ahead of time to plan their future actions, and amateurs do it almost exclusively in reaction to some deadline or emergency.

Be ethical. Having a position like this makes it exceedingly easy to lie. And you will get away with it, possibly for a long time. But it does catch up to you, and when it does it can kill your whole career, as well as get you fired. Plus I’ll hate you, because you’ve helped contribute to a lot of friction I’ve had with managers over the years.

Be understanding that people don’t understand what you are doing, or what you are saying. Learn to laugh it off. They’re not stupid or ignorant, they just don’t have the same specialized knowledge that you do. If you feel anger welling up, remember, your specialized knowledge is why you’re probably going to be very employable for a very long time.

If you would like to know what I do, here’s an incomplete list of projects I have worked on (they’re not all my best work, but they all taught be something):

PCI Complaint Credit Card Encryption (AES-256, double encrypted, second key is kept [also double encrypted] in an external database requiring IP, hostname, and API token to access. This one was extra dumb because for good measure I built an implementation of the Diffy Hellman exchange used in the communication between browsers and SSL websites and used it inside of the exchange that was already happening to connect to the SSL API in the first place. I encrypted the communication inside of the encrypted communication. I still have no idea if this did anything to help secure it, or if it was just giving the server processors busy work. But anecdotally, we never had anyone decrypt our data without both keys… so)

Completely rewriting a custom piece by piece CMS and then transforming it into a CRM (I hate that terrible acronym, it’s a client, employee, and project management portal)

Website optimization

Using Google Maps to outline your driveway to estimate the material needed to repave it (simpler than it sounds, I did this in three hours)

Writing a client to to automated cloud backups of files chosen by the user (Think Kryptonite, but way less of a budget)

Modifying the above client to sent status and health data back to a central server for monitoring (think LogMeIn, but way less of a budget)

Writing crawler with the aim of only requesting every resource once, even if the resource is used on multiple pages. (I hope all crawlers are built this way, but I suspect they’re not)

Evaluating the data from that crawler to create an SEO report about that website (Think SEM rush, but way less of a budget)

The worst API implementations I’ve ever seen, and I’ve used SOAP.

Writing JavaScript libraries for commonly requested “flashy” elements that leverage technology to make the effects as optimized as possible. (Think banner sliders using CSS transform, and parallax effects using HTML Canvas, anything to pass the heavy lifting over the the graphics hardware and free up the CPU for other work)

Database Diff tools for projects that don’t have proper version control for whatever goddamned reason (there’s no good reason, but you play the cards you’re dealt)

Automated migrations of data in and out of OpenCart, WordPress, Drupal, and even once out of static HTML files written in Dreamweaver V1.0 (and we cached back and forth from wordpress every night on the last one, a dumb requirement, but I did it.)

Calling up a client and telling them that their computer has a virus, and they need to disconnect it from the network, or I’m locking them out of their email account before they spam the entire North American continent. (And yes, you really do have to do this sometimes as a server admin when your boss refuses to let you just lock out the user.)

And, I shit you not, a passed over prototype for integration of a major Shipping Carrier’s new “Deliver To Very Large Drugstore Chain” API features into a woocommerce plugin. They would have sold the plugin along side several others, we would have made a few pennies on every order. (Managers, please tell your developers when a prototype is being tested in front a board of directors, then your developer may not go home when the prototype was bricked by a last minute feature the night before, assuming there will be time to work on it tomorrow)

[rondracofest]

POLL: Ideas for improving fest participation (CONCLUSION)

Hello again, everybody!

Alright, the poll I posted up earlier this week has been up for a few days, I've received quite a few responses on it, so I've decided to go ahead and close it. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond! You all ended up really helping me out a lot! I greatly appreciate it. <3

So now that I've taken some time to go through all of your responses, I've come to a couple conclusions regarding the direction of this fest that I wanted to share with all of you! (Don't worry, all good things, hahaha.)

Firstly, I've decided to forget the Facebook idea for now. The responses I received to those first two questions were pretty much a unanimous no, and I also received a few detailed comments that brought up the same issues I was worried about with going in that direction. So yeah, probably not the best thing for the fest at this point in time. And I'm honestly happy about that, because I wasn't sure I wanted to go through having to figure out how to use FB for that purpose. xD As a couple of you mentioned, I could open a general Ron/Draco group on FB and just advertise the fest when it comes up - but I'm going to wait on that for now, just because I need to justify to myself having it open all year when it'll be dedicated to a specific rarepair. Definitely a great idea!! Just gonna hold off till I'm sure.

The second very important thing I decided was I need to make sure I'm advertising better on Dreamwidth! A few of the suggestions I received was to open a Dreamwidth account - of which we've already had for awhile now. (The longest have been LJ/DW, with Tumblr being new last year.) So that really opened my eyes to the fact that I haven't been doing a great job of advertising on that platform, haha. Now, I'm not that familiar with Dreamwidth. I'm much more versed in LJ. I mainly just use DW to mirror my personal and fest blogs. So going into Fest 2020, it'll be on my list to research the best ways to advertise there. (If any of you know of any good communities I could do that with, feel free to send them my way!)

Lastly, we have some ideas for the future that I'm going to ponder more. I had a couple people bring up places like Pillowfort and Twitter (although I don't think I'll ever go with Twitter because quite frankly I hate it, hahaha), as well as WordPress, and even the idea of a mailing list to send out upcoming fest reminders to those who have participated in the past. I definitely love that last idea, and I may even utilize it as soon as the coming round. As far as the others, they are definitely on my list to research more, so we'll see about those in the future.

So essentially, nothing much is changing as far as the platforms we're using. I'm just going to make sure we're broadcasting as far as we can! We'll still be on LJ/DW/Tumblr with fics hosted on AO3, because I do believe that's the best thing for us right now. It's likely a rarepair issue, as I brought up before, which is totally fine! I love our close little rares community we've got going on here - I just want to make sure anyone who's interested in participating is aware of the fest's existence in general, which has been an issue I've run into in the past. I think with me focusing more on when/where I'm advertising, we may be able to combat that better this time around. One of the places I already know I'm going to advertise more is this new HP Rare Pairs Discord I joined a few months back. We've got some amazing people on there, and definitely some Dron love! I do believe that members are allowed to invite new people, so if anyone's interested in joining, please let me know!

Once again, thank you so so much to everyone who took the time to help me sort all this out! You're all awesome. I'll be coming out with the usual little announcement/schedule of events post in October - so until then, I hope you're all doing great, and I can't wait to see you for Ron/Draco Fest 2020!

All the love! <3 @ohlookagaydraco​ (fangqueen)

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, June 2019

Welcome to my latest summary of recent news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & ecommerce! This covers articles I came across from May 31 to June 21, although some may be older than that.

(Unfortunately, a few of this edition’s entries were lost somehow, & I could only remember one of the missing, so if you know of an article/post that should be included, please let me know, & the piece will be added here as well as to the next post.)

My busy few months are now mostly over, so I will have more time to get working on this Tumblr, new blog posts & the new forum I want to start; expect more frequent updates starting in July. 

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

Shopify is going to run fulfillment centres for its US customers within the next 2 years. “Right now Shopify will offer early access for merchants who ship between 10 and 10,000 items per day, and by the end of the year the company aims to offer two-day shipping to 99 per cent of the United States.” They announced other plans at the same time, including better shop tools. 

If you have your own website, conversion rate optimization is something you should be looking at. Why? Because “[a] simple tweak on a landing page can double or even 10x that page’s conversion rate” which can be much easier to do than doubling your traffic. [Note that this is not a short article; it’s a full guide.]

Matching searcher intent is a crucial part of great rankings. This long article tells you pretty much everything you need to know on making that happen with your content, with real examples for their site. 

Mary Meeker released her annual internet trends report; shorter summary here. “If you're looking to connect with the next generation, you should be maintaining at least some awareness of gaming culture, which is where attention is increasingly shifting.” “Some 51 percent of the world — 3.8 billion people — were internet users last year, up from 49 percent (3.6 billion) in 2017...E-commerce is now 15 percent of retail sales. Its growth has slowed — up 12.4 percent in Q1 compared with a year earlier — but still towers over growth in regular retail, which was just 2 percent in Q1...Customer acquisition costs — the marketing spending necessary to attract each new customer — is going up.

ETSY NEWS

Etsy retired several of its Support/Help email addresses, including support@etsy.com, all without any official announcement. 

You can now link photos to variations - but only with one variation, not both. 

Etsy’s annual report for 2018 is out; I didn’t see much new here, but if you catch something, please leave a comment or send me an email so I can add it to this summary. [They actually mentioned “abilities” in their list of things they accept diverse ranges of, but as usual, they only give any details about gender, race/ethnicity and sexual orientation. Disability is invisible for them.]

A new bunch of US states will have state taxes charged for online sales as of July 1. 

Ryan Scott will be Etsy’s new Chief Marketing Officer as of June 24. 

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES

Google broke with tradition & decided to warn SEOs about the core search algorithm update that started rolling out on Monday June 3 and ended on the 8th. There are multiple reports of some UK news companies taking a hard hit while others picked up visibility. It’s still too early for much comprehensive analysis, but here is a summary and another more recent one. 

At the same time, Google also rolled out an update that increases site diversity in search results, often limiting each website to 2 entries in Google’s top pages. Think of it as Google's approach to “clumping”. They insist it is separate from the core algorithm update. Early analysis finds that it didn't change much for most searches. 

Websites sometimes rely too much on Google traffic, which is dangerous whenever they change something (i.e., daily). Here are 5 ways to make your site/pages more resistant to algorithm updates. 

Most decent SEO tools cost some money to get the full value, but here is a list of 55 free tools including keyword research, stats, linking, and technical tools. (Some have paid versions as well, but just ignore what you don’t need.)

SEO sometimes requires stating the obvious; check out this tweet with a graphic from an SEO conference. 

Rand Fishkin did a major review of clicks from Google search, & found that nearly 50% of US google searches result in a click (often questions such as weather, or spelling). Only 45% led to clicks on non-paid links, & non-Google companies. But “for every click on a paid result in Google, there are 11.6 clicks to organic results. SEO is far from dead.” Search Engine Land did a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read) summary here. 

Fishkin also has some good insights on making a profit through SEO. [video and full transcript] I think the point about having a strong profit margin is really important - it is going to get more expensive to sell online as time goes on. Etsy is not the only provider trying to squeeze more pennies out of its customers. (Fishkin’s whole push lately is that you must be a known brand to survive; I am reserving judgement on that for the moment.)

Most blogs haven’t done their SEO correctly, but you can fix that. [video & full transcript]

Hate it when your site/business gets mentioned online, but they don’t link to you? There are ways to get other companies to link to you. 

The latest Google mobile search redesign has folks pitching fits about how ads now look like organic search results. For your own website & other sites where it is possible, make sure you have a favicon that stands out from paid ads. [If you Google “CindyLouWho2″ on mobile, my blue fossil coral avi shows for my website & this Tumblr blog.]

Voice search isn’t taking off like people thought it would, although around 30% of Americans use virtual assistants regularly. 

Is audio SEO going to be a thing? Dr. Pete looks at Google’s decision to post podcasts in search results. 

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails)

Facebook announced its move into cryptocurrency with Libra, which will launch in 2020. 

Contrary to some reports, it seems that fewer people are using Facebook regularly. While time spent on FB drops, Instagram in particular is seeing more interaction. 

Getting the right image sizes and dimensions is really important for each platform; here is an infographic on all image sizes for Facebook. 

“[T]he right time for you to post on Facebook will be different than the right time for someone else to post on Facebook.” A summary of multiple studies on the topic, with tips on using your Facebook Analytics to narrow this down for your business. 

After banning mass messaging earlier this year, WhatsApp is prohibiting sending newsletters through the app as of December. 

A decent guide on using Twitter for your business. “...tweets with images get 150% more retweets”.

Thinking of running a Twitter chat? Here’s a complete guide, including Hootsuite templates. 

You can get new content ideas from Reddit. “Reddit.com saw 542 million visitors in March 2019 alone.”

Pinterest is expanding its shopping program, now called Pinterest Partners, to provide more shopping opportunities on the site. 

A study of the 500 top-followed Pinterest accounts shows that home decor is most popular among influencer topics. [infographic with text.]

Short video platform TikTok is still showing rapid growth. “Digital wellbeing is more important than it has ever been. Since tech companies started optimising for user engagement, the user is unable to escape the app. You will always feel dissatisfied when you close the app, because the notifications keep on coming and the content never seems to end. To us it seems, TikTok has taken this idea to another level and built the user experience to deliberately create addiction.“

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS)

Using Google Ads for your website? Make sure you avoid these 7 common mistakes. 

Google now allows you to target people who are “regularly in your target locations” - but it doesn’t really define how they calculate that.

Instagram Shopping is most popular with younger people (at least in the UK).

Good tips on improving your Amazon ad effectiveness, especially cost-effectiveness.   

Some tips on Microsoft Audience ads, and how to get the most out of them. It includes some good general tips, like looking at your profit margin. 

Facebook produced an infographic on how to best create FB ads, especially, for mobile. 

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING

Google has purchased analytics company Looker; Etsy uses the platform already. 

The Google Search Console is now giving users 90 days of data for some reports. 

Here’s a new WordPress plugin that tracks clicks on pdfs on your site through Google Analytics. 

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS

Paypal has developed “a customizable e-commerce platform”. 

Amazon has extended 1-day Prime delivery. Their ability to do that largely depends on how they are taking control of the shipping methods used, moving away from using other big companies. 

Amazon closed Spark, its social media competitor, and it redirects to a page of customer-curated collections. 

Some Goodwill stores are now selling thrift items on online platform OfferUp.

Opinion article: is feature-driven retail preventing people from buying?

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE

Human brains like stories, which is why you should use them in your marketing. “Stories do another thing: They trigger the release of this neurochemical called oxytocin, which is known in some circles as the love drug. About 10 years ago, all we really knew about oxytocin is that it’s released when, say, a mother is with her baby. But what we’ve discovered since then, through the work of neuroscientists like Dr. Paul Zak, is that stories trigger the release of oxytocin in much the same way.” 

Sell luxury goods? The market is changing as younger people make up a larger chunk of the core. Millennials will make up 50% of the market by 2025. The article has some interesting stats on the luxury resale market: “Overall 45% of true-luxury consumers participated in the second-hand luxury market, and more than one-fourth (26%) have bought pre-owned goods”  which is a trend some luxury vintage sellers might want to watch.

Generation Z prefers personalized content & isn’t as worried about privacy as older generations. 

US adults now spend more time on mobile devices than they do watching tv. Much of that time is spent on mobile apps instead of browsers, & audio (podcasts & music streaming, mostly) accounts for a large chunk of time spent. 

US retail sales grew by half a percent in May, less than predicted. 

MISCELLANEOUS 

As the US looks at starting an antitrust case against Google, articles are reminding the government what other countries found, and what they should be looking at now. Businesses big & small have filed complaints. 

The Google Cloud outage on June 2 that took down YouTube, Snapchat and Shopify among other sites points to the need for everyone to have a backup system. [Remember, Etsy is also moving all functions to Google’s cloud.]

Sick of writing product descriptions? Imagine if it was your full-time job, and you didn’t have any hand in making or curating the products.

[barbarabecc]

Tempting the Dragon Chapter Eight

After a long break, here now a new chapter for my story. Read chapter eight here, on my [wordpress] blog, or on [wattpad].

Start at the [Beginning] on my wordpress blog or on [wattpad].

Leelan watches Vibeke, how her eyes flicker over the trees and the meadow and follow the flight of the tiny fairies, how she scans the sky. So many things must be new to her.

This is the first time that Leelan has brought someone from the other dimension into the realm. While he watches her, he searches his mind for a reason why. Why has he brought her, why was he so sure that he absolutely had to do that?

Something draws him to her in a way he has never known before.

Before he took up his post as a watcher in the other dimension, he had to study that world and the humans. The books had said that humans had a powerful urge to procreate, that their desire to be intimate stemmed from the deChapsire to have children. But Leelan and the other students soon learned of the many times that humans were drawn to others and were intimate with each other when procreation was either not possible or actively prevented.

“It can’t be about just procreation,” his elfling friend had said back then. “Maybe they just love to touch, to be intimate? Maybe that’s a basic urge for them?”

Leelan had wondered about that too. Maybe it wasn’t so different for humans, maybe they also followed strands of destiny through space and time to find each other, much like here, in the realm.

Nobody ever explained to him how he would know if he had found his strand, his connection. Maybe it was a connection like what he felt for Vibeke or maybe it was just an alignment of minds. He just knew, when had he looked at her in her brightly dotted sleepwear in the hallway of her house, that he had to convince her to come with him.

He needs her by his side, he just doesn’t know why yet.

Vibeke plays with the stem of a flower, letting her fingertips dance along it. The flower twitches away and shakes its blossom.

“Is it ticklish?” she asks, her voice bright like a child’s.

“It looks like it,” Leelan says and tickles a flower himself. The bloom twitches away and then hits his hand.

Vibeke giggles. She continues to play with the flower when she suddenly looks at the ground in horror. “But I’m sitting on them, oh my god, am I hurting them?” She jumps up but freezes in her steps. “And I’m stepping on them.”

Verkesh tugs at her pants and hums soothingly. “No need to worry, Lady Vibeke, you don’t hurt it.”

Leelan points at a crushed flower he has been sitting on. “That is not the plant, it’s just extensions. The plant is underground, spread out in a gigantic network. We aren’t even sure if it is just one plant or many.”

“And it’s okay that I sit on them?”

“I think it’s kind of like sitting on hair?” Leelan gives her little smile.

“Oh, okay.” Vibeke doesn’t look entirely convinced, she still places her feet very carefully as walks. The color has returned to her cheeks and she looks healthier than before. She tugs a few strands of her dark hair behind her ears and studies the sky. “Is that the same sky that I see at home?”

“What is the sky, in your world?”

Vibeke opens her mouth and snaps it shut once before she starts to speak. “Well, it’s space, you know? I mean not directly, it would be black then but through the atmosphere of the planet it looks blue most of the time, unless it’s nighttime…”

“I like it when it’s blue,” Leelan says, thinking back to those sunny days when the blue color of the sky was so bright that he could hardly look at it. “And the clouds, when they are white and big, I like those.”

“You don’t have clouds here?”

“No, and no night time either.”

“What? How is that even possible?”

“This is not the sky as you know it. I don’t quite know how we relate to your world but this is not a look into space and the light doesn’t come from the sun.”

Vibeke shakes her head. “This is making my brain hurt.” She gives the sky another sceptical look. “The color is pretty though, is it always like this, pastel peach?”

“It has been as far as I remember.” One book in the Grandessa’s library mentioned the sky changing color to a deep red when an old god got angry but that had been just a story. No other story ever spoke about the sky changing.

Vibeke now looks towards the line of trees around the clearing. “You said trees are dangerous?”

“They can be a bit mean.” Leelan puts his hand on her shoulder and swallows a gasp at the surge of energy he feels from her through the touch.

Is it the same for her? Does she feel this too?

She laughs softly. “So, I should not go into the woods alone? Like in the old fairytales?” She shows him a delightful smile that makes her eyes sparkle and her cheeks turn rosy. But she quickly looks away to the trees, much more interested in her surroundings than in him.

He lets his hand slide off her shoulder, disappointed. She doesn’t feel it. The connection, the strand of destiny, she doesn’t feel it.

“You will be safe as long as I guide you,” he says and gently steers her towards a narrow path with his hand on the small of her back.

Verkesh makes a scratchy noise in his throat and a leaf unfolds on his head. “Leelan, if I may… I could clear the way easily, if…”

“Yes?”

“If I knew where we are going.”

“Ah, yes.” Leelan scratches his neck to hide the fact that he doesn’t quite know himself. “You know we’re not welcome in the palace anymore, my friend. And I don’t think we’ll get answers there anyway.”

Verkesh looks up to him, a frown forming in his bark. “Do you want to find the Ancient Ones?”

“Possibly. But at first, I want to find the roaming elflings.”

Three new leaves spring from Verkesh’s head as he looks even more worried. “Is that wise?”

“Probably not.” Leelan shrugs. “But they have magic and they must know something. I cannot rest until I have answers for the Grandessa.”

Vibeke gives him a strange look. He still has his hand on her back and he doesn’t want to lose that connection.

“Is the Grandessa your queen?” she asks.

Thinking back to the books he read, he nods. “Yes, that would be equivalent. She has been taught from birth to guide the realm.”

“Did she inherit that position?”

“Inherit?”

“Where I come from… well not exactly that but close enough, they have bloodlines that are supposed to be royal and one of the offsprings gets to be king or queen.” He must look quite bewildered at her because she raises her hands as if to stop his questions. “There’s not many places anymore that have kings or queens and most of the time they’re just sort of decorative, they don’t have political powers anymore.”

Leelan shakes his head. The human world is so strange, he isn’t really surprised by anything he hears. “Our Grandessa was chosen by the gods. There was a sign at her birth from the gods themselves.”

“The gods?”

He opens his mouth to tell her of the godly realm but she stops him.

“No, if we start talking about religion and compare it to the 3000+ religions we have, we’ll be here for weeks. Can we, like…” She sighs and turns fully to him. His hand slips from her back and hangs in the air. Before he can let it drop, she takes his hand in hers and holds onto it like a lifeline.

“You see, I like making lists,” she says, staring into his eyes, “And currently, my list has about 876 bullet points but if we stick to the first five, we get: Why am I here?, Where do we go?, Is it dangerous for me to be here?, What do you expect me to do?, and, most important: Where can we eat something?”

He can’t bear the intensity of her gaze any longer and looks to her hands clasping his own. Her touch ignites him and he can’t believe that she doesn’t feel how her energy streams through him like a fever.

“We will find enough to eat for all of us,” he says to her hands. “But we can’t go to the center, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I would have loved to show you the golden city and the palace.”

“But still… why am I here?”

He looks into her eyes again and is hit once again by the absolute certainty that she has to be here, with him, no matter what they’ll do. “I don’t quite know it myself, but I feel that I need you here, that you are important to this.”

“But how?” She stares at him, her eyes pleading. “It’s not that I hate it here, it’s lovely and fascinating but what can I possibly do?”

“I don’t know yet but I’m sure it will be revealed.” He sounds more confident than he feels. Even with his believe of the strands of destiny connecting them, he still doesn’t know what that destiny will be.

Her hands press his with more urgency now. “But you won’t leave me, right? You won’t leave me here with no way of going home?”

“If you desire to go back, I will take you at once.”

She straightens her shoulders and lets go of his hand. “Okay. I… I try to keep up.” She holds up her fingers and counts down on them. “What I learned so far: One, plants are aclive here and will grab you. Two, trees can be dangerous, stay away from trees. Three, there’s trolls and magic here and all sorts of stuff I can’t quite think about. That’s,” she turns back to him and drops her hand, “I think that’s all I can handle right now. And I’m hungry.”

He wants to take her in his arms and never let go again. Everything about her charms him. He turns to Verkesh to hide the blush he knows is darkening his skin. “Verkesh, we require food, do you have an idea where we should go?”

“Not towards the city as I understand.” The tree troll twists his stick-arms onto his back and paces in front of Leelan on his stumpy legs. “Can I assume that our path will take us to the Purple Plains?”

“I would think so, yes.”

“Then I’ll have to ask, as I not know that area well.” He gently picks up a small lizard from the ground but he hesitates to speak to him. “You are aware that the palace will learn of every conversation I have with these creatures?”

He has not thought about that but he nods in agreement anyway. This close to the center, the palace will know of everything they do anyway.

Verkesh whispers to the lizard and listens intently for a while before he sets him back on the ground. He picks a tiny leaf from his head and carefully lays it on the ground. Roots grow from it immediately and Vibeke watches the process intently.

“It’s so fast!” She pulls gently at the leaf but it has already connected with the ground. “How long until it has grown into a tree?”

Verkesh bends down to the leaf and studies it. “It might not become a tree. This is a gentle leaf, maybe it wants to be a flower instead.”

“It can decide?”

“Yes.” Verkesh gets interrupted by a tiny blue lizard climbing up his bark and settling on top of his head. They can’t hear anything but after a moment, five leaves sprout on top of his head and his eyes turn to slits. “I’m afraid we have to hurry.”

“We haven’t done anything wrong, yet,” Leelan says, but nevertheless steers Vibeke towards the line of trees with his hand on her back.

“But it seems the dragons are on their way to us.” Verkesh hurries in front of them, leaving a trail of leaves behind him.

“Dragons, like you?” Vibeke asks with wide eyes.

“Yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are our friends.”

The trees twitch and shiver the closer they get and Leelan pulls Vibeke to his side. He has to suppress a shiver from feeling her so close but this is just for her protection, no matter how much he wishes it were otherwise.

“Don’t get too close to the trees, stay right beside me. Verkesh will ask them to let us through.” He tries to smile at her but judging from the fearful expression on her face, he is not successful.

“The trees might attack?” She presses closer to him, adjusting her steps to his.

Her closeness is making him feel warm and connected and he almost moans from the feeling. He expands his wing and settles it around her shoulder. “They won’t dare to attack me or Verkesh but they might attack you.”

They follow Verkesh on a narrow path, made by animals rather than elves or dragons. The trees close around them and it’s not their imagination that they move closer to the human and the dragon walking swiftly past them.

“Are all the trees like that?” Vibeke whispers.

“They’re more aggressive here near the center,” Leelan says. “When we get to the Purple Plains, the trees stand more solitary and are much calmer.”

“They don’t like crowds? I can relate.” Vibeke slaps a twig away that pokes at her and glares over her shoulder as Leelan pulls her forward. “That was rude!” she yells back.

“I’m afraid they don’t understand you,” Leelan says, trying to hide his smile.

“I bet they do.” She keeps up, huddled into his side, protected by his wing over her shoulder. The way she glares at the trees, it seems like she wants to dare them to touch her.

Verkesh stops in front of them and they almost run him over. The trees and vines are interlaced like a fence in front of them and won’t let them through. Verkesh stands still, slightly bend forward and leaves keep growing and falling from him. The trees around them stretch out their branches, getting closer, poking at them and even try to wrap around their arms and legs.

Leelan kneels down, pulling Vibeke down with him and wraps her and Verkesh in his wings to protect them. The tree branches are now encircling them and sticks are poking into his wings and any uncovered body parts.

“Verkesh?” Leelan says quietly. He had not expected this much aggression.

Verkesh groans as if he’s holding a terrible weight. “I’m trying but they won’t listen.”

Viebeke smacks a branch away and huddles closer to him. Leelan takes in the scent of her hair, wishing the circumstances were better for this closeness.

“We’re stuck here?” she asks just loud enough for him to hear.

“I’m not sure why.”

She draws even closer to him and whispers, “Did your queen order this?”

“She’s not just a queen, she’s — “

” — could she order the trees to detain us?”

“Yes, she could but why would she? She wanted me to investigate this, she has no reason to stop us.”

“Well, somebody is telling these trees that we should not go on.” Vibeke shrugs his wing off her shoulders and stands up, her voice growing louder as she speaks, “And I’m getting kind of sick of it. I don’t know how people here deal with rude trees but where I come from we take a big axe and — ” The twigs and branches freeze in their movements and for a moment the silence is absolute. And then Vibeke yells, loud and deep from her chest, “and then we CUT THEM DOWN!”

The branches snap back as if burned. Verkesh runs forward, Leelan and Vibeke close on his heels. The trees seem to be unsure how to react, their branches quivering as they run past. Purple hills rise far out in the distance when the trees seem to have recovered and creep closer again.

Vibeke pulls her backpack from her shoulder and opens the zipper at the top. “Do I have to take out my axe?” she threatens with her hand in her backpack.

The branches snap back again and the path opens in front of them. Leelan stuffs Verkesh under his arm and takes Vibeke’s hand and runs out into the grassy field, swerving left and right to avoid the few young trees scattered close to the edge of the forest until all that surrounds them is grass and heathers.

He slows down, stops and puts Verkesh down, who shakes his whole body, scattering leaves around. Vibeke leans forward with her hands on her knees and wheezes.

“Is now the time,” she huffs out between breaths, “to tell you that I’m not in good shape? And that taking me with you on a long trip is probably a bad idea?” She coughs as she straightens, taking in the air in deep gulps.

“We will go slower from now on, the plains are not dangerous,” Leelan says.

“I’m still not sure how useful I can be.”

Verkesh looks up to her with a frown, “Do you really have an axe in your backpack?” There aren’t many things a tree troll is afraid of but axes definitely worry him.

Vibeke laughs out. “Of course not. Where would I even get one?”

Leelan grins at her. “I think you just proved how useful you can be.” He wants to pull her into a hug, just to show her how happy he is to have her along.

“You mean bullshitting is a desirable skill for this adventure?” She laughs, bright and happy and it makes his heart skip a beat. “Why didn’t you say so? I can bullshit us through anything.”

She keeps on laughing and he can’t take his eyes off her.