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minhosimthings · 1 year ago

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For Love to Exist: A Hyunjin Fic

Synopsis: In which Aphrodite makes a plan for two loveless souls.

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin × Fem!reader, includes rest of Skz (side characters)

Word count: don't know but it's really long

Warnings: Fluff, angst, slow burn, mentions of self harm, and mental abuse, reader is an orphan, mentions of food and drink. She/her pronouns used, reader has scars on her skin

A/N: this is sort of a self indulgent fic for me and it is dedicated to all the people in my life who have made me feel like I am worthy of love again. This is based off of my own experiences due to my abusive past and how I let those go with the help of the people I've met here in university. I based Y/N off of myself (I hope you don't mind) because I feel like Hyunjin would be the type of person to love s person, regardless of their past, and ignorant of their future (and also I'm too delulu for Hyun rn). I dedicate this fic to all the people around the world, who feel that they do not deserve a red heart, and an I love you everyday. I dedicate this fic to the little girl inside of me, who still thinks that she is unworthy of love.

For love to exist, souls should exist too. For love to breathe, souls should take a deep breath too. For love to live, souls should learn how to live too. But for you, souls simply did not exist. They were just imaginary things made up by boring adults to tell children why they married their partners, to mask whatever what going on in reality. Why would anyone believe in souls and hearts and bonds and all that bullshit? Kids, of course, believed it.

You, on the other hand, were taught by cold eyes, ever since forever. Cold eyes had taught you that warm ones always lied and that love was just a fairytale made up to increase the population of earth. Cold eyes told you that June wasn't about pretty flowers and sundresses. They taught you it was about the burning sun and the heatwaves. Cold eyes taught you that flowers were nothing more than biological creations of two genetically unique organisms. Cold eyes taught you that the world was just the Earth, just a globe and that the universe didn't care for a tiny speck like you.

Work, Eat, and sleep. Those were the only things you did with passion. Those were the only things in your life that you noticed and yearned for. It was painful to watch your coworkers at the company, who were below you, enjoy life so much. As chief editor, you had less work than they did, yet they saw life as a chance. They saw life as a chance to enjoy the fruits of the universe, while you still saw life as a scarred being. Funny, how you thought that everyone else was mad to have love in their lives, yet there you were with scars on your chest, both physical and mental, going unnoticed by the minute.

Until Hyunjin came into your life.

Hwang Hyunjin. Step son of your goddamned boss. You were told that he would be working alongside you as both an assistant editor and as a new cartoonist, replacing Mr Park, who had resigned five days ago. You groaned at the idea of having someone follow you all day, asking you if you needed anything. You were better off without an assistant or a cartoonist. But your magazine wasn't the leading magazine in South Korea for no reason. The illustrations provided alongside the thigh slapping articles always provided the greatest entertainment to the millions of readers. Mr Park was an old man, who was always quiet and mostly kept to his drawings, exactly your preference. Someone who doesn't annoy you or ask about your love life because apparently, at 23, a woman has nothing better to do. But a man, your age, who you've heard used to be a singer in a band, yeah that wasn't going to work with you.

Your boss had introduced you guys on his first day. He was.... surprisingly handsome. His eyes were like a kitten's, small and glittery, as if Andromeda had poured all her stars into them. His nose and jawline were so sharp, in total contrast to his gaze, soft and pinkish. You wondered why all those thoughts were coming into your head. Never before had they had even touched your mind, when you saw other men and women around you, no matter how pretty they were.

He worked in silence. Complete silence. He wouldn't even move his chair or anything. The desk on which he worked was so pristine and organized, very much like yours, exactly like yours. But there was an aura with which he worked on piece of paper with a black ink pot that you could only dream of having. It was like the sky favoured him, sunlight illuminating all of his features, including some tiny moles on his face. You couldn't help but admire his serious face, headphones in, with an ink stained brush moving swiftly across paper, tracing the tiny dots and lines of whatever he was making. You had first approached the company as a cartoonist yourself, having the skills because of an art minor. But soon the director saw you better as a journalist and slowly but surely you moved your way up the ladder to become chief editor. And when you saw other people doing something you used to love doing, you wondered if you hadn't accepted the job as an editor, would your life have been so mundane? So brown and still?

"Um Miss Y/N?" A voice broke you out of your stupor, starting you and getting your mind away from the articles on your computer screen. Hyunjin was standing next to you, holding pieces of paper in one hand and his brush in the other. He had a dab of ink sprawled across his nose. Cute, you thought.

"I, uh, finished the illustration for the first article you sent. Are they ok?" He gave you five pieces of paper, all with funny intonations on them, a cookie wearing hat, and an iguana wearing a DJ's glasses. It was cute, really cute you thought, as you gave them back to him, nodding in approval and shooting him a small smile. "You have ink on your nose, did you know that?" You pointed out to him, handing him a tissue from your tissue box, which he took and immediately disappeared behind his computer, wiping his nose aggressively. Cute, so cute.

You usually left work at eight thirty, not too late and not too early that you'd miss your tea. But something made you want to stay back today. Someone, specifically. Hyunjin told you that he usually went home by ten, since he didn't do much during the night. You refrained from telling him when you went, lest he question why you stayed back today.

"Miss Y/N I'll be heading out now. Good night." He held up his olive green bag and waved goodbye to you. Something inside of you wanted to say 'Wanna go together?' but you had always ignored that something so you instead waved back to him and started picking up your things.

That day, the old grandmother at the ramen shop you always went to said something was different about you and told you to smile more. You didn't know whether or not that was a complement but you took it willingly along with spicy ramen with beef.

"Miss Y/N I-" "Hyunjin stop call me Miss. Im your age. Just call me Y/N, alright?" You finally got that sentence out of your mouth after keeping it in for an entire week. An entire week Hyunjin addressed you with honorifics and today you wanted to tell him that just your name was enough. Just your name coming out of his mouth like a sweet melody was alright. "Oh well ok Y/N." He said with some difficulty, feeling awkward not using the proper words. "I wanted to say that lunch break began over two hours ago and you still haven't got up from your seat, so I uh bought you something. I asked your co workers what you usually eat so um yeah." He did what? You looked down at his extended hand, holding a box of your usual Ramyeon and an americano. You silently took the food from his hands, shooting him a quick 'thank you'. He deserved more than that, but at that moment, all your shocked brain could do was that.

Someone cared for you. Someone noticed that you weren't eating. Someone noticed how you stayed on this cold October day. And that was sort of sweet? Someone did that for you and for once it seemed he did not want anything in return. That couldn't be true, you thought as you silently ate your Ramyeon, all the while shooting tiny glances at Hyunjin, who was once again immersed in his drawings. Seeing him so deeply imbued in an art, which provided him a job, was so endearing to look at. He was doing something he enjoyed, while earning money for it. Isn't that what everyone in the world would love?

"Um Hyunjin? Hyunjin." You snapped your fingers in front of Hyunjin, who had his headphones on, with that brush back in his hand. He looked so cute, being broken out of his hypnotised state. His eyes blinked at you for a few seconds, before he took the headphones off and greeted you. "What is it Mi- I mean Y/N?" God he was so handsome. He was in a loose baby blue sweater and white pants today. He looked so dainty and fragile as if you touch him and he'll break. "I uh wanted to thank you again for the food today. Um. Any way I can thank you for it? Maybe buy you a coffee?" You could feel your cheeks getting redder by the moment. Even if he couldn't see the blush, you could definetly feel them. If your guardian angels were watching you right now, they'd be saying 'Y/N get your ass up and stop blushing so much.'. "Oh. Um uh" Hyunjin stuttered for a bit before checking his watch. Nine thirty am. There was still half an hour left to go home, meaning you both had enough time to grab a coffee and perhaps a bagel or something tasty.

"Oh course Y/N. But please do not pay for my food. You need not repay me for lunch." Your pleas for that sentence went unheard, as Hyunjin kept saying that he didn't want anyone to pay for him, reasoning that lunch was a basic human need and he was just helping his co worker out. Something about the way he defended himself and explained things was so adorable. It was like a ferret explaining why it's fur is white and why it's ears are so round.

"This is surprisingly good." You commented, as Hyunjin and you sat by the little round table in the coffee shop, drinking Americans and eating Macarons. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at you, watching as you are your pistachio Macaron. "You never had a Macaron before in your life?" You shook your head at his question, trying to swallow your bite of the Macaron quickly, so as to answer his question. "No actually." You managed to cough out after what seemed like five hours of you chewing the sweet dessert. "I don't have a preference for sweet things. I used to but I grew out of it." Hyunjin looked up at you, from staring at his shoes. "You used to? Well I always used to believe that a sweet tooth could never grow out of their preferences. Turns out I was wrong then." The corners of your mouth twitched as your heart itched not to say 'why are you so perfect?' to the man sitting in front of you. "So what musicians do you listen to?" It was now your turn to look up at him with wide eyes. It was funny how both of you were eating food together like two normal human beings, yet neither of you dared to look at each other, or maintain direct eye contact for more than a fraction of a second. "Pardon?" You asked him, eyebrow raised and foot tapping on the floor. He stumbled back a bit and said, in a apologetic tone, "Oh I didn't mean to impose. Im sorry. I just thought, you know we see each other every single day, and I have never gotten to know what my coworker likes a dislikes so um.. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Seeing him apologize like that was like seeing a puppy apologize to a black cat. You probably looked scary right now, with your expression and your rigid figure, so it made sense for Hyunjin to react like that.

"Oh it's alright Hyunjin." You said, shooting him the tiniest smile ever. "People don't really ask me questions about myself that often so I was kind of taken aback." Hyunjin just nodded and hummed in response to your bland statement.

That night, when you went home, you thought to yourself, about how much you missed human interaction. Most often disassociation and loneliness were your favourite drugs, but Hyunjin asking you a simple question about your favourite singer, made those drugs seem pleasure less. Your therapist would have probably looked you up and down and immediately told you that you were in love, being the hopeless romantic he was. People were scared to approach you. You, with your head held high in the air, your gait threatening that of Hera's, and your expression, cool and wicked. But Hyunjin just casually asked you what musicians you listen to, as if he had known you for years and he was meeting up with you again, at a school reunion. It was shocking to you, how he could just say that, without stuttering. Yes he did stutter later on, but it was so adorable the way he apologized to you, hands nervously palming at his fingers and nose silently twitching. Maybe friends weren't so bad after all, you thought, as the stars looked at you in pity, talking amongst themselves, about where had God gone wrong with you.

A sticky note? Your boss never left sticky boss for you. Usually his assistant to deliver you messages. So who wrote this mysterious pink sticky note, stuck to your computer with a smiley and something written on it? You had arrived at work after Hyunjin today, who, once again was is a hypnotic state, lightly bobbing his head to whatever was playing inside of those blue headphones. You slightly suspected that the note was probably his, as you sat down on your chair, hanging your bag in the usual place beside your table. You pulled off the note from the computer and examined it closely. There was something written on it with a glittery purple pen.

I scared you yesterday with my question. So I'm going to ask you through a note. What musicians do you listen to? (PS you can answer through a sticky note too)

You noticed Hyunjin kept giving you small glances from time to time, only taking his eyes away from his art for a fraction of a second. Cute, you thought, really cute. This was by far the cutest thing he had done. You silently took up a glittery blue pen from your drawer and wrote some sentences on a different sticky note, knowing when you were going to stick it.

"Hyunjin could you do me a favour?" You tapped on his desk to alert him. He looked up at you once again, with those same doe eyes. You noticed the ink once again splattered on his nose. "Yeah?" "Could you take this up to Mr Kim once and ask him if this is how he wanted the article to be edited?" You handed him a blue file to take it upto your boss, which is silently took and went up to the boss's office, giving you enough time to stick the note onto his computer. You made a last minute addition to the note, before rushing off to the canteen, lest Hyunjin catches you in your mischievous act. Even though it was just sticking a note to your co worker's computer this felt like the most amazing thing you had ever done in your life, the most daring.

Where had you gone? Hyunjin had come back to his desk after handing off the file to the boss, who said he'd give it back tomorrow, only to find you nowhere to be found. He swore that he had saw you here just a second ago. Where had you gone now? Shrugging his shoulders and telling himself that you had probably taken a bathroom break, he sat back down on his desk, ready to complete the illustrations for the day, that you had given him yesterday, when he noticed something stuck to his computer. A green sticky note. Could it be? Did you respond to his very creepy, weirdo nerd way of asking you a question in order to get to know you better?

When Hyunjin sat down on his chair, and slowly pulled the sticky note out, he sweated that his heart had skipped a hundred beats (or 143 beats hehe). Your loopy handwriting was scrambled on it with sparkly blue ink.

This is very middle school of us to be passing notes in work but I like listening to Lana del Rey, Florence and The Machines, a bit of k-pop and lot of classical music. Now you answer my question along with your own question. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? (PS you have ink on your nose)

Hyunjin's soul was doing backflips in his stomach. Having an obsession for love, he wondered whether this was how Cupid felt like when he shot his first arrow. You listened to the same artist he did. He absent-mindedly wondered about what question to ask you next when you came out from the canteen, carrying lunch for the both of you. "Oh hey Hyunjin." You said in what you hoped wasn't an over active tone. "I uh got you lunch to pay back for when you got me lunch and um here you go." You awkwardly handed him the cup of spicy tteokbokki along with some other dishes and an Americano. As if returning the awkwardness, he mumbled a sheepish 'thank you', grabbed the food and hid behind his desk. Somewhere in the clouds Aphrodite was sighing, not knowing what to do with you two.

After a few hours, when you had gotten up to go the boss's office, Hyunjin saw his golden chance and took it. He scribbled his question onto a pink sticky note and quickly stuck it to your desk, frantically sitting back on his chair and pretending to be focusing on his cartoon which had long been completed.

Happiness. Happiness was all you and Hyunjin felt that night, when both of you parted ways. It was that happiness which a fourteen year old gets when their crush pays attention to them. It was mischievous happiness, as both you went home and pondered about questions and answers. Middle school romance was something neither of you had, with him not finding the correct person, who would love him for who he is, and you just not wanting love anymore. Aphrodite would be probably be smiling right now, twirling her roses and she makes the next part of her plan.

"Hyunjin! Over here!" It was raining very heavily today and you had chosen this very day to not take your car. Apparently Hyunjin had done the same thing, as both of you saw other close to the cafe a distance from your work. He didn't have an umbrella and you had spotted him running over in the direction of your work, blue hoodie gripped tightly over his head. "Did the universe have to choose the day I didn't get my car to rain?" He shouted at you as you both were shielded by your umbrella. "I was thinking the same thing!" You shouted back at him. "Let's get inside the cafe!"

The cafe thankfully wasn't crowded at all, and as you took off your coat and shoes to dry, you appreciated the heat coming from inside the cafe. It was on the more traditional side, with a wooden interior and sepia toned plants hidden in mud pots.

"Oh great." Hyunjin sighed. He was holding his phone is his hands, having taken off his hoodie and his shoes before you did and setting his bag down at a table for two. "Boss just texted. Work's cancelled for three days straight." "So we went through all that rain for nothing?" You deflated on the comfy chair, opposite Hyunjin, who was revealed to be wearing a dark blue shirt underneath his baby blue hoodie. "Well damn it. What do we do now? I didn't bring my car and neither did you. Do we have to wait out the storm here?" You asked him, wiping your face with a handkerchief. "Well we can." Hyunjin responded. "I think the owner will probably let us." You raised a brow at him at that statement while he just stared into space, as if expecting an alien to show up any moment. "How do you know the own-" "HWANG HYUNJIN YOU FINALLY DRAG YOUR ASS HERE TO SEE ME."

A very loud voice rang through the cafe, accompanied by a much quieter 'Hyunjin's here?'. Hyunjin groaned and buried his face in his hands, as a handsome man with olive skin, brown hair, and the prettiest nose ever, came striding up to your table, wearing the uniform of the cafe. He promptly pulled up a chair and collapsed onto it, next to Hyunjin, all the while playfully glaring at him. "Hey Minho hyung." Hyunjin mumbled, not looking directly at whoever this Minho was. The other man clicked his tongue out of disapproval and said, "Say that louder would ya? And why have you not been coming to visit me and emotional dump on me for like two weeks? Oh and who's this lovely young lady?" He looked into your eyes at that last bit, startling you a bit, at how round and black his eyes were, like tiny little boba balls. "I'm Y/N." You extended a hand forward. "L/N Y/N" Minho took your hand and shook it with a firm grip, before getting up and slightly bowing to you. "Well Miss Y/N, may I get you anything? Perhaps something which is not an Americano, which is what this monster" he motioned to Hyunjin "drinks?" You gave him a calculator look before saying, "Oh. Um I would like an americano actually and probably one for Hyunjin too please." Minho looked ever so slightly taken aback by your words. "As you wish!" He declared before giving Hyunjin and a smirk and leaving.

"So who was that?" You asked Hyunjin, whose ears were burning red. With a sigh, he put his elbows on the table, burrying his head in them.

"That was Lee Minho. A college mate of mine, who opened a cafe with a friend of his, soon after graduation, because apparently he didn't want to get into a boring job." He chuckled slightly at that. "He's a mentor to me. He's like I think two years older than me and he treats me like a damn baby. But it's fine cause I'm the one who helped him cheat on his exams so I get free shit here."

"Americano for two?" Oh hey Hyunjin!" A freckled boy had come up to your table, americano filled cups in his hand. His skin was porcelain, like glass, dotted with star like freckles, with blonde hair framing his beautiful face. "Hey Lix." Hyunjin patted the boy's back, as he set the coffee down on the table. "How's your mum now? Is the treatment working?" A smile never seemed to leave this boy's face, as he sat down in the chair which Minho had pulled up earlier. "She's good now. Much better! I've been sending her some brownies every now and then but she's still disappointed because apparently her son won't get a girlfriend." He slightly pouted as Hyunjin chuckled lightly. "Oh who's this? Wait are you-" the boy looked at you with excited eyes, before gasping and turning his head to Hyunjin. "Is this the Y/N you told me about?" He excitedly extended a hand towards you, which you took, experience pleasure at his soft grip and hands, which was in stark contrast to Minho's handshake. "I'm Felix! Lee Felix. Nice to meet you! Y/N right?" The amount of happiness radiating from this boy was so much that you thought he was probably the reincarnation of Helios himself. "Nice to meet you too Felix. I'd introduce myself, but judging from your excitement I believe Hyunjin's already told you about me." You gave him a smile, which he returned. "Yah Felix!" Minho's voice came from across the wooden walls. Felix groaned and got up from his chair saying goodbye to both of you and rushing off to Minho.

"They're really nice." You told Hyunjin, sipping on your americano. It was nice and weird to have people like you for who you are. It was kind of alien to you, to meet two people who knew about you. It was even more alien of Hyunjin to tell people about you. What could people tell about you? What fragments of your being attracted Hyunjin that he told his friends about your existence?

"Y/N are you ok?" Hyunjin's voice broke your mind from staring at the rain pouring outside. The storm had calmed down now and it was just lightly drizzling, drops staining the window, racing against each other. "Oh yes I'm good. Sorry."

"So you wanna talk about the notes or should we keep it a middle school secret?" Hyunjin's question rang across your brain, and as you sipped on your americano, you couldn't help but notice how innocent that question was. It was just a question. It wasn't an interrogative question, which you'd be punished for if you didn't answer. You fingers unconsciously went up to your wrists when you thought about that question. "What do you suggest? I'm alright with answering the question in person, instead of exchanging notes." You responded, keeping your tone casual, so as to not reveal the fast pace of your heart beat.

Hyunjin smiled at you and sipped on his americano again. "My favourite ice cream flavour is pistachio. And I also like listening to Lana del Rey and classical music. My turn now." He leaned forward slightly. "A song which you could listen to, for all eternity?" Musical questions were what you enjoyed the most, having being in love with music ever since your ears picked up the tune of twinkle twinkle little star. Hyunjin's question seemed hard, since your favourite song changed every few seconds and you couldn't just choose one melody to pleasure your ears for all of eternity. "Hmm" you responded after a while. "Probably Love by Lana Del Rey." "Why so?" Hyunjin asked.

"Because along with having an amazing tune and the greatest vocals ever," you started your lecture "It's also such a deep song. The way she is symbolising young love is so beautiful, from the way she alters her voice at certain lines to the lyrics themselves. I especially fell in love with the chorus because it signifies such a beautiful matter of being so much in love that even the tiniest actions can seem like elephantine gestures. Even that lyric 'The world is yours and you can't refuse it' it's so pretty. It's symbolising that feeling of ruling the world when you fall in love. Or atleast I think it does. I've never fell in love so."

You fell quiet after your rambling, hoping that it didn't freak him out how much you knew about one particular song, which you definetly did not write an entire essay about. L/n Y/n you've done it again. You've scared a person off because of your rambling about your hyperfixation because you have nothing else to love. Great job, you thought.

But as you looked over at Hyunjin's face, it was happy? His eyes were wide and his lips were slightly parted as if thinking what to say, his americano straw remained in his mouth, but he wasn't sipping on it. He was in total awe, something you couldn't see.

"That- that was amazing." He said after a pregnant silence. "I never thought about songs that way honestly. But I think from now on I'll start thinking of it like that." God his smile was so handsome. The way the corners of his mouth stretched and the way his lips always slightly parted, it was all so pretty. And since when have you became so observant? To notice a man's manner of smiling?

Aphrodite smiled again in the clouds, calling for her chariot, to take a ride across the sky, making up the next step of her masterplan.

It was still pitter-pattering outside the window as both of you finished your drinks. You declined Minho's offer to eat, since you had already ate a lot for breakfast and you weren't feeling hungry. You tasted a bit of Felix's brownies, for which you complemented the freckled boy so mich to point where his glass skin turned into stained red glass.

"God the rain is stopping, how the hell are we going to get home?" Hyunjin sighed, as he meant back in his chair. You both had put your shoes, hoodie and coat back on and were staring out the window. You had an idea in your mind. A peculiar idea. An idea unlike you. An idea made by your heart controlled mind. You know how they say that we should never let our heart control our brain? Well sometimes, just sometimes, in the tiniest moments, we could let it control our being just a little bit.

"Doyouwanttocomeovertomyhouseitsreallycloseby" "I beg your pardon?" Oh great you spoke the easiest sentence in the fastest way you could possibly imagine. You should probably get the Nobel Prize for the most awkward person ever. Taking a deep breath, you made eye contact with Hyunjin (perhaps for the first time) and said, "Would you like to come over to my house? It's close by and I can drop you off at your house if I get my car." Hyunjin looked slightly taken aback by your suggestion, and as he pondered over it with a series of 'ohs' and 'ums', you mentally scolded yourself. How could you never say the right thing ever? How did you manage to say the wrong thing every single time? How did you manage to scare off every person every single time? Were you really not capable of love? Was your mother really right?

"If I don't impose Y/N, I would like to come over to your house. I should actually probably get going home too, so I accept your offer, only if it doesn't bother you." Your heart lifted from where it was earlier. Listening to the words coming out of Hyunjin's mouth in the soft tone, was something so comforting to you. It was like the smell of old books, like the way flowers moved in the wind, like the way wine swirled in a wine glass and like the way melodies danced to the beat of a song.

"This is your house?" You and Hyunjin had walked all the way to your house, shielded by his umbrella. It was safe to say that your house was a very luxurious one, in the more expensive side, courtesy to your high profile job. It was a two bedroom house, with the most beautiful terrace and balcony anyone had ever seen, which gave a view of the Seoul skyline. "It's beautiful." Hyunjin breathed out. "Come inside." You said, taking off your shoes at the entrance and unlocking the wooden door. "Want some food?" Hyunjin shook his head as both of you entered your house, his mouth dropping on seeing the interior. You had a conversation pit inside your house, much like one of those 80's sitcoms, and it was the most queer thing in your house. It was purple and magenta, with white finishings and a pretty carpet, sitting below a glass table. "It seems the interior is much prettier than the exterior." Hyunjin said, as you both entered the pit, sitting down. You sheepishly smiled and mumbled a thank you, before getting up to get him some water, even though you both had downed a big cup of americano.

"Your books are really interesting." You had started showing Hyunjin around your house, and when you reached the library portion, he wouldn't move from there. Granted, you did have a pretty library, decorated with fake moss and hanging vines, which made it look like a shelf growing out of the forest. "What is so interesting about them?" You asked him as he stroked the book covers with his fingers, to which he smiled and pointed to the last two books. "Their arrangment is fascinating first of all. I mean The Animal Farm and Pride and Prejudice are sitting together, as if going for a tea party. Did you arrange them yourself?" You only nodded to his question, too scared to answer. "The second interesting thing about this bookshelf is that all the books are so dual to each other. You have Harry Potter-" he pointed to the topmost shelf, "then you have 1984-" his fingers went to a handsome leather book, "and then finally you have a pop up children'd book." He laughed pointing to the bottom most shelf, where a glittery pink book lie. You blushed, as you saw that book. It was the book, which your best friend at the orphanage had given to you, before she was taken away. You cherished it a lot, it being the only form of love you had ever recieved in your life. "Woah you have Taylor Caldwell too!" Hyunjin said, excitedly, his fingers bouncing on the shelf closest to him, where a series of faded books lie. "Do you want them perhaps?" You asked him, to which he gave you a sad smile. "I've always loved her since the age of eleven but I could never buy any of her books, courtesy to my mum thinking they're too 'westernised'." "You can take some if you want. I hardly ever read these ones." You pulled out some of the books and put them in his hands. He looked surprised and his eyes widened at you. After much trial and error, which included him refusing to take the books, and you threatening to leave him out in the rain if he didn't take them, he finally stuffed then into his bag, thanking you over and over again.

The car ride to his home was fun, to say the least. Hyunjin narrated some funny stories with Minho and Felix, and a few of his other friends. You were shocked to find out that he used to be in a band, where he played the drums. "You must play them for me one day." You said, as you pulled up to a light. "as payback for the books." Hyunjin gave you that sweet smile again, causing your brain to malfunction.

"Thank you for the ride home Y/N. And for the books." Hyunjin said as you both pulled up to his house. "Say I have a question." He said, before unbuckling his seatbelt (drive safely kids). "Would you ever be interested in spending your lunch break with me everyday? Cause I really like talking to you and I don't have many friends at work. Only if you want to though!" God he was so adorable with those round eyes and those cute cheeks. Was he actually so cute or was your hopeless brain just making it up?

Aphrodite sighed again as she watched you silently from the bushes, happy that you were going on the right path, but worried about the trajectory of your mind.

Spending time with Hyunjin were the best moments of your life. It was surprisingly fun to spend a part of your day everyday with Hyunjin. It was just lunch and americanos, fresh from Minho's cafe, since it was the only one you liked now. You warmed up to him more than you had wanted to, and for the first time, your brain didn't mind being ruled by your heart. Hyunjin had introduced you to some of his closest friend, who came to visit him at work, making sure he didn't overwork himself. And he had interesting friends. Apart from Minho and Felix, there was a producer group called 3Racha who wrote songs for a company called JYP. It was composed of the three most kindest people you had ever met. Jisung, Changbin and Chan treated you like their own sister, often picking up an Americano for you whenever they got one for Hyunjin. You met Hyunjin's youngest friends Seungmin and Jeongin at Minho's cafe, when Jeongin bumped into your shoulder, dropping his books and apologizing to you frantically. Both of them were University students, one having a pottery studio and the other studying computer science. They were mischievous little things, but you loved them too, with you sharing Seungmin's love for pottery and Jeongin's hatred for sugary foods. It was so fun, having friends, even if they weren't your friends from the beginning. This was the first time you had experienced happiness ever since you were eight.

The words on your books weren't skimmed over by your eyes anymore. Instead they were carefully taken in, word by word, appreciating how every letter formed the beautiful sentence. Now, winter wasn't about surviving anymore. Instead it was about being warm and cosy, all wrapped up in a big blanket, hugging a plushie and drinking hot chocolate as pretty winter flakes poured outside the window. Now you digged out the sundresses you haven't worn in so long, and you would wear them to work every now and then, catching the eyes of every person you passed (because you are the most beautiful person on earth LOVE YOURSELF I LOVE YOU). You never noticed it, but now, Hyunjin looked at you differently. He wasn't a very defensive person, choosing to end arguments quickly, but whenever his eyes set upon your figure dancing in a yellow sundress, embroidered with flowers, he swore that he would burn done the entire world for you. Both of you regularly met up at each other's house, having k drama nights, where you would do nothing but cry over the slow burn, and try out a new snack from the local convenience store every time. Sometimes Hyunjin would play the drums for you, taking your excited requests of the 70's and 80's rock songs. It was all so perfect, having Hyunjin in your life and every time you saw him moving his own across a piece of paper, whipping up a cartoon for you as a gift, your heart smiled, urging you to let it take over for just a little longer.

But Aphrodite had something else in plan.

Sometimes the Gods plan sinister things for humans. Sometimes they say 'lets whip up conflict'. And most often it's not between one human and another. Most often it's between a human and her own mind. You had gotten a call on a nice Thursday morning, when you were about to set out for work, clad in a white dress, which reached your knees. A call from your adoptive parents. Unbeknownst to the entire world, behind your pretty face, you hid a grief filled secret behind those glassy eyes. Your childhood wasn't all sunshines and rainbows. You had grown up in an orphanage basically your entire life, and at the tender age of eleven, you had gotten adopted by a rich couple. Good right? Nope it was the polar opposite. Turns out they had adopted you for their own benefit, to gain support from the media to continue their company or some bullshit like that. It had haunted you all your life, how they would never speak a word to you, never a word of affection. It was just words of 'who would ever love you?' and 'you aren't capable of love'. When you had gotten accepted in college, with a full ride scholarship, they had help a party, not for you, but to brag that their daughter, whom they did not even love, had gotten into a college all by herself. They had turned their devil tails into angel wings and it angered you, but you stayed silent. Why should you fight battles with other people when you could fight a battle with your own mind? You had cut off all communications with them however as soon as you left for college. Now it was just you and the world. Getting a job was the hardest thing and you still remember all those days that you survived on water and biscuits, like Marie Curie, when she used to research on radioactivity. You had learnt that your 'parents's' buisness had gone bankrupt, soon after you had gotten a job, but they still hadn't ever contacted you until this Thursday. It was Seungmin's birthday today and you had gotten him a puppy keychain, one that he had been wanting for a long time, which he had told you about in secret. You had purchased it the day before and wrapped it up in a cute box, writing some notes on the top. It was supposed to be the most perfect day. Happiness and melted ice cream that was what this day was supposed to be.

"Hello?" You had picked up your mother's call and your world came crashing down immediately. "Hey there Y/N. We need some money right now and we know you work for Mr Kim. Send us some money please." Not even a hello. The woman who had given you food and shelter didn't even say a hello. The woman who you owed nothing to didn't even say hello.

Hyunjin wondered where you were that day. You wouldn't ever miss a day of work and plus you were excited for Seungmin's birthday. You were going to go for a birthday party which was to be held at Chan's house. Hyunjin had told you that most of the boys would be bringing their girlfriends so you could meet them. You wouldn't never have missed this, especially not when your eyes lit up, when he had told you that Seungmin would be singing for you guys and Minho would be bringing his famous meat. So why? Why was your chair lying all alone and your americano untouched? He had asked Mr Kim whether you had called him today, to which he got disappointment when Mr Kim said no. Your boss didn't really care whether or not you took breaks, since you mostly finished your work in advance, in order to save time. That day Hyunjin told the guys, that he wouldn't be coming to the party, much to their disappointment. But they understood when he said that he was worried for you. He basically talked about you 24/7 and the boys still didn't understand how their most romantic friend ever ended up not knowing what love was.

Hyunjin had an extra key to your house, which you had given him after two months of knowing him, trusting him enough to keep an emergency contact. Hyunjin kept fiddling with it on the cab ride to your place, massaging his nerves to calm himself down. As he reached your house, the atmosphere around him changed. It became gloomy, even when the Sun attacked him with his rays. The sunflowers in your garden all seemed to bow their heads to him, as if to apologise.

"Y/N?" Hyunjin stepped inside your house, calling your name. "Y/N where are you?" He shouted a little louder this time. If you weren't in the living room, you'd be up in your bedroom or the library. Hyunjin slowly climbed up the stairs to the second floor, taking in the eerie silence of the house. It was such a loud silence. He could hear something in the distance but he didn't know what it was. Was it a cat? He heard a wailing noise that sounded something like a wolf crying.

The door to your bedroom was open. Hyunjin stepped inside, careful not to make a sound. He knew how creepy this was, to enter a person's house like this, but he didn't have a choice. "Y/N?" He called out, noticing the light in your bathroom switched on. "Y/N!" You were sitting on the floor, with a knife next to you. Your hair was in tangles and your body swayed back and forth, As you kept mumbling something to yourself. Your upper arm was slightly bleeding and your breathing was heavy. You had been lying there for the entire morning. You were still in your dress,which was now stained with blood from your arm. Your face was tear stained and your eyes were glassy. "Y/n. Hey look at me. Look at me. I'm here." You looked up to see Hyunjin's worried face, eyebrows furrowed and lips parted again. "Hyunjin?" You breathed out in a weak voice, which made Hyunjin's heart drop to his knees. "Yes it's me. Hey breathe. Please breathe for me." He coached you through breathing in and out, which calmed you down a bit, but you were still shivering and your skin was ice cold and white. You looked like a ghost. A ghost with sunken eyes and shocked expression stuck on its face.

Hyunjin carefully lifted you up and carried you to your bed, careful not to disturb your injury, which he immediately knew how it happened, from the knife lying beside you. He got some cloth and medicine for you from the first aid kit you hid under your bed, something you had told him a long time ago. You watched him with wide eyes as he carefully dressed your wound and got some water for you, forcing you to drink it.

"What happened? And it's ok if you don't wanna tell me." He sat beside you as you leant back against the bed frame. You tried not to catch his eye because you knew if you looked into those galaxies inside his eyes, you would start weeping. "Nothing happened Hyunjin." You mumbled, to which he scoffed silently, getting his hand up to your forehead to check your temperature. It was normal, thankfully you didn't have a fever. "Y/n" he faced you and out his hand on yours. "You know you can tell me right? I'm here for you and I'm worried. Please tell me what happened." It all happened so quickly. You looked into his eyes, taking in the stars inside of them, and you couldn't hold it back anymore as you burst out crying. Hyunjin was quick to hug you, holding your head gently as you buried yourself deeper in his chest, staining his grey shirt. His heart was breaking into a milion pieces, seeing his universe crying out her planets from her eyes. He shushed you from time to time, to make sure you don't become weak from crying.

"Y/N hey hey." He held you head in his hands, cupping your cheeks. "What's wrong? Just one word. Tell me one word. I beg you." You sniffled slightly and looked up at him, stopping you're tears slowly. You felt guilty, for him coming to you. Why should he? He's a human like you and he has responsibilities too and he should tend to them, not you. "Hyunjin, you should go. Y-you have S-Seungmin's party to attend. I'll be fine." Hyunjin knew how much you rejected being taken care of. Care was was word which simply never existed in your dictionary, courtesy to your past.

"Y/N-" "No Hyunjin!" You lashed out at him, tears brewing again in your eyes. Hyunjin now understood why the sunflowers outside had bowed to him, and why the aura was grey today. You had bottled up your feelings again, and one single word from a person of your past, was enough to break you. "I don't want help I don't need it! Just leave me alone! I don't want to be around you!" You panted a bit after shouting all that, your chest feeling heavy, not from the weight of your exhaustion, but from the weight of the entire world around you "Get out. Now."

The next few days, you came back to work, you avoided Hyunjin. You couldn't bear to look at his face, knowing that the stars in your eyes will collapse again if you do. You both worked in complete silence, with Hyunjin silently putting the completed illustrations in your desk, whenever you left to go to the bathroom. You now left at 9 am, instead of your usual 10 am along with Hyunjin. Your americanos seemed even more bitter now that you had no one to share your memories with. Every song in the world sounded like the same mundane melody now, chords repeating over and over again.

But Aphrodite always have something in plan, for souls like yours and Hyunjin's.

Hyunjin had been comforted by his friends for a week now. Every week, he would turn up at either Felix or Chan's house and cry to them. It broke their hearts to see their dearest friend weep and sob over you. You, on the other hand, would sometimes turn up to Minho, drinking his americano and venting your feelings, while he silently grilled his meat and put it on your plate. What you didn't know was that Hyunjin would be hiding silently behind the counter, listening to the notes of your voice talk about him. So one fine Saturday morning, he decided to do something. Something that would finally satisfy Aphrodite, and make her drop her roses down to earth to celebrate.

"Y/N." He called your name as you focused on your most recent article. "Y/N." He said again, when you didn't respond. "Y/N for Pete's sake, talk to me!" He basically shouted at you. You were staying back late tonight, courtesy to the hundreds of things you had to edit, due to your numerous amount of holidays. "Not now Hyunjin. I have to edit this." You spoke sternly, abandoning the fun filled voice you usually used when you were with him.

Hyunjin frowned at you, this time an actual frown, not like the playful ones he did when you would steal his meat from his plate. He was angry. He was angry at the world and at your mind for not treating you well. He was angry at your past, for making you believe that you were unworthy of love. He was furious and he would take it out right now, when no one except for you two were in the office building.

"Y/N listen to me!" He shouted, making you startled. You had gotten up from your seat and now you were cowering against a wall. You had never seen Hyunjin like this before, eyes narrowed and lips closed, burning anger seeping through them.

"Y/N you are quite possibly the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure to meet in my stupid life. The way you walk the way you talk, everything about you is so amazing! It's so magnificent to me, how everyday you would explain the meaning behind a song, with your eyes all widened and your mouth moving fast! And it hurts me. It hurts me so much to see you like this, thinking that you are unworthy of love." His words were hitting you like bowling balls. "When you told me about your past, you know what I felt? I felt anger. True anger for the first time in my life. For the first time in my life, I wanted to burn down this entire world for a person. I was also so relieved that you trusted me enough to tell me about something like this. You really think I can't see the scars on your wrist through your foundation?" The scars on your wrist. How did he know about that? "Hyunjin-" you breathed out, crystals forming in your eyes again. "Y/N it breaks me. It breaks me so much to have a person like you in my life and not love them. I love you more than you can imagine. So why won't you accept it?"

"Because I can't!" The words spilled from your mouth like water spilling from a waterfall. "I can't Hyunjin! I don't know what love feels like! I never did! An-and when you came into my life and introduce me to all these amazing people, I felt so happy! For the first time in this dumb thing I call my life I felt happy. And I hated it! I hated the way Felix's eyes would light up every time he saw me. I hated the way Chan would always check up on me, making sure I don't overwork myself. I hated the way Minho would treat me like his own family, making sure I got the biggest portions of meat." Everything that you had kept hidden in that crack of your soul came running out. "I hated the way Jeongin looks up to me, telling me he admires the way I work! And you know what I hate the most out of all? I hate you! I hate the way you care so much for me and my stupid brain can't see it! The way you draw little cartoons on my americanos, the way you talk to me as if you were talking to a gentle lamb! I hate it Hyunjin! I hate myself for not seeing how much you love me! And I hate that I can't return the favour!"

Your knees gave way and you collapsed on the floor, sobbing your eyes out. Hyunjin was quick to kneel down next to you, hands searching for yours. Both of you looked into each other's eyes, seeing your entire universe's inside of them. You need love. You needed love to exist. And Hyunjin was there just to do that.

He leaned closer to you, eyes not leaving yours. He knew he had to do it now. Now or never right? Hyunjin, cupped your cheek with his left hand, right one still squeezing yours, and kissed you. He kissed you as if you were the most beautiful thing in the world. He kissed you as if you were the reincarnation of his last lover. He kissed you as if he had been wanting to kiss you for the last fifteen years. He kissed you, and you kissed him back. Your lips moved in sync with his, not moving away, hands wrapped safely around each other, both of you shielded from whatever the world was planning next. Time moved slowly again, as if the spinners of time had abandoned their looms to come watch you two.

And somewhere in the clouds, Aphrodite smiled, knowing that her mission was complete, and that two loveless souls had finally reunited, mending each other's cracks, slowly but surely.

Epilouge

"Hyunjin! We're going to be late! Hurry your ass!" You called out to your boyfriend of five years, as you waited by the door, bag clutched in hand, and white sundress flowing softly. The ash coloured cat you had both adopted, rubbed against your legs, purring and licking herself. Hyunjin had organised a 'special' date today, taking you to one of your most favourite places, a meadow by the beach, where you used to spend your days. It was already late in tbe evening, when Hyunjin finally came down from the steps of your house, still fixing his hair. "Alright Miss Universe, stop fixing your hair and come on!" You said, causing him to giggle, as both of you got in the car and drove off towards the sunset.

"God I love this place so much." You stretched your arms as you watched the dying sun, collapse into the ocean. "More than me?" Hyunjin pouted, as you slapped his chest playfully. "Oh god are those Minho's Macarons? These things are drugs to me." Both of you took a Macaron each, and raised them in the air, as if to make a toast. "Well, to our five year anniversary." Hyunjin toasted while you said 'hear hear!'.

"Y/N, I have a gift for you." You both had eaten all your food and we're slightly leaning against a tree, wrapped in each other's warmth. "What is it Hyun?" Hyunjin pulled out a paper from his pocket. A link sticky note. With Purple glitter pen scribbled on it.

Marry me Y/N?

"I thought I should do it in the way we first talked to each other. You know to make it more roma-" Hyunjin didn't get to complete his sentence, as you threw yourself around him, kissing him on his lips, as if you didn't kiss him every single day.

And Aphrodite couldn't stop giggling and smiling, knowing that now, love existed. And you? Oh you loved the existence of love.

#hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #skz hyunjjn #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin angst #hyunjin comfort #skz fic #hyunjin fic #hwang hyunjin comfort #hwang hyunjin fluff #skz #stray kids #skz comfort #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #FINALLY I GOT THIS DONE #oh my god this took so much time to write #bye bye now #have fun reading

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soulsbleedink · 7 months ago

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𝙊𝙍𝙋𝙃𝙄𝘾 | 𝙍𝘼𝙔𝙇𝘼 𝙓 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙐𝙈

Prompt: Callum braids Rayla's hair, and she tells him about the two elves she grew up with at the Silvergrove, and how Callum really reminds her of one of them.

Warning[s]: No heavy ones, I'm sure. Mentions of doubt, perhaps.

Pairing: Rayla x Callum

Word count: 1.5k

masterlist

i missed rayllum, so i had to write them. i have ruthari in the works. i love them so much. and we have rayllum/ruthari parallels!! gosh, i love them <3 have fun reading :D

Callum’s hands brushed over Rayla’s hair, soft as he carded his fingers through the white strands. He hummed to her softly. They were sitting on Ezran’s balcony, she was sitting with her knees up to her chest, back facing him. His staff was discarded a few inches away, and Stella was eyeing them with what Rayla knew as disgust. Bait grunted, nudging Stella, who turned away, sitting down. Rayla’s hair had come undone earlier when Zym kept on bouncing on her, and now that Ez finally managed to take him away, these two were left alone. And Callum kept on fidgeting while she kept on touching her hair. She thought it was a neat deal. And that’s how they ended up how they were, not that she minded one bit. Recently, it had been a bit awkward between them, so to be able to just be there with him, without all of the emotions thick in the air, it felt much nicer than she could say.

“It’s been a while,” She said, about what in particular or to who, she didn’t know either. Callum stopped with his motions, holding together the strands of hair that hadn’t been braided yet. She just knew that if he didn’t already have her hair in his hands he would be fidgeting.

“I know,” He said, finally. The silence was killing her, and with every second of it, she kind of was wishing she hadn’t spoken at all. But his hands continued their way through, braiding her hair. She remembered the last time Ezran had asked how she’d gotten her hair so long, but the thing was, she didn’t know either. She just supposed she hadn’t found the time to cut it. Or just the opportunity at all.

“Has it been lonely?” He asked, she wished he hadn’t. What was she meant to say? Of course it had. It was disgustingly lonely, especially those first few months without him, and she wanted to tell him that, but she partially blamed herself, but there was anger somewhere deep in there, for him, or to him. She didn’t even know that much.

“Yeah,” That’s what she ended up saying. And it didn’t make up for everything she’d like to say. Callum’s breath grew softer, and she knew that he was well aware of just how much there probably was brewing beneath the surface, but he didn’t push.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, tying her braid, but his hands resting on her shoulders.

She blushed, but didn’t move; didn’t stop him. “Don’t be, it had to be done.”

“But did it, actually?” He asked. And that kind of stopped her thoughts. No one had actually questioned her actions. Well Ethari would’ve, but she was turned into a ghost at the Silvergrove. Still, if she ever returned, Ethari would be there. But she couldn’t bear to bother him.

“I was thinking it would.” Her voice had gone quieter. Callum squeezed her shoulder, pulling her closer. Until her head was on his chest.

“Listen to this,” He whispered, pressing her head closer to where his heart would be. “You thought so. And that’s okay.” She noticed from his peripheral vision that he was looking up, right into the moon.

But did he know that she was kind of mad? That she wasn’t right? That no, she definitely was mad. Everything about leaving the people you love, for their sake, and for your own, just to come out fruitless. It stung, like nothing else did. And she also hated that Callum was acting like Ethari had to Runaan. She didn’t remember it too well, she was but a wee elfling. But, she knew that they had a moment that was literally a parallel to this.

“Are you sure it is? Do you think it is? It hurt you.” She was never good at opening up, but she didn’t like—hated how this hurt him. And the fact that she didn’t even succeed.

“Yes, it is. I may not think it is. But, it’s okay…” He sounded uncertain, like he didn’t value his own words enough. She reached back, squeezing one of his hands.

“Then it isn’t—” She tried to declare, but he tapped one of her horns. She stilled.

“Yes, it is. That’s final. Don’t start arguing with me on this,” He said, leaning closer so she could see his smile. “I’ve not had time spent with just you in so long, so, let’s make the most of this.”

She didn’t know how, but she found Ethari in a human, and that was beyond her too. “Okay, Ethari.”

“Excuse me?” Callum asked, ever polite. A bit unlike him, but that was cute as it was.

“You’re acting so much like him,” She explained, leaning back so she could smile up at him. He blushed. She remembered when Ethari had said she was like Runaan, and now this all felt a bit too canny. Her face was growing warmer.

“I’m flattered—” He started.

“You don’t know him, though?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t know him well, but from our brief introduction, and the way you talk about him. I can deduce that he’s a great guy.” Callum shrugged.

Rayla hit him playfully. He grinned lopsidedly, moving one hand away so he could search through his bag, and then he pulled out… flowers. She eyed him with confusion.

“Turn around.” He gently turned her back.

“What are you going to do?” She asked, still just as confused as she was.

“Take a guess,” He said. Her unamused silence was answer enough. “I’ll decorate your hair with flowers.” Oh, they were just Ethari and Runaan at this point. She remembered this so well, she actually had interrupted this very moment before. Albeit, without realising that it was an interruption at all. Heat crawled up her spine, up her neck, and reached the tip of her ears. Callum was ever relaxed, hands already finding their way back into the braid.

With gentle tugs, he did whatever it was he was thinking of doing. She felt the stems as he weaved them in. His soft huffs of concentration were beyond adorable to her. She hummed softly, a tune she recognised Ethari humming to Runaan, a few years back. She would relive that memory every time she felt too lost in the past two years. It was her means of coping. She would think about it when she couldn’t sleep at night, or when she felt so lonely. And like she needed Callum to tell her that she could make it through.

“Rayla?” Callum’s hands were resting around her waist now, and his head was on her shoulder, voice a soft breath against the side of her neck. She hummed. “You zoned out.”

“Sorry, Callum,” She whispered. He chuckled, telling her it’s okay. “You really remind me of Ethari. Should I tell you—”

“Tell me about anything, and I’ll listen,” He said, earnest as ever.

She started recounting when Ethari was braiding Runaan’s hair and she ended up walking in on them. Well, they were sitting in a meadow, so was it considered walking in on them?

Ethari was working, focused, as always. And Rayla didn’t think she would ever see Runaan smiling, but here he was, smiling and even humming. She wouldn’t ever forget that tune. Ethari would hum it to her at night, when he would tuck her into bed.

“Runaan… hold still please.” Ethari didn’t sound frustrated in the slightest as he tugged on his husband’s hair yet again, slipping the biggest silver cuff on. The last time Rayla had it, she was wearing it like a bracelet. Because of the sheer size.

Runaan laughed while Rayla peeked her head out from behind a bush. He was apparently too entranced to notice the rustling, which Rayla had thought was too loud—She inched forward, Ethari looked up. Oh no. He smiled. Oh. She walked over to them. Runaan finally looked at her, holding his arms out for her. She jumped right in, finding her place there.

“Can you do my hair like that next?” She turned around in Runaan’s arms, peeking up at Ethari. Who smiled, nodding enthusiastically.

She didn’t know when it happened but at some point she’d swapped places with Runaan, and the assassin was sitting in front of her, watching Ethari, absolutely enamoured, just by him simply doing someone’s hair.

“You remind me of Ethari, yeah,” Rayla finished. By the time she was done talking, she was completely relaxed in Callum’s arms.

“Are you saying you’re enamoured by me?” He asked, she just knew he was snickering. And she would be sure to wipe it right off his face. She turned around, hitting him playfully. He burst out laughing, and she tried to maintain her glare, but she grinned anyway, looking away from him.

“Oh, shut it!”

She didn’t actually want him to, though. Being around him helped, it made everything feel less horrible. She felt as long as she could be back with him after everything. She would be fine. She remembered Runaan saying something like that at some point, and she really wondered then about the integrity of it all. But she kind of understood it now. Callum was her Ethari, in some way. Well, he did remind her of Ethari. It didn’t matter. He was Callum, Katolis’ high mage, and her slightly stupid human.

#tdp #the dragon prince #tdp fanfic #rayllum #mentions of ruthari #callum braids rayla's hair #rayla x callum #after rayla returns.#have fun reading #writing #writeblr #writerblr

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kale-of-the-forbidden-cities · 2 years ago

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the idea that fitz is slowly being killed by the remains of the echoes in his heart (a fanfic this time)

yayyy death and angst :D

I'm not sure what else to say other than, i didn't mean for it to go this dark

that being said, TW for death, blood, a lil bit of gore, implications of s/h, suicide thoughts, etc. read at your own risk :)

friend @fitz-avery-vacker (tagging you ooc lol)

It didn't make sense.

Fitz had thought he was safe from the shadows buried in his chest. They were supposed to be long gone.

But Flori had never said that her songs would make the echoes go away. She had said it would just quiet them.

So maybe it did make sense that Fitz was curled up on the floor of his room, barely able to move, let alone breathe, because of the painful pressure pulsing in his chest.

Breathe, he told himself. In, out. In, out. You can't let anyone see you like this.

Once it had passed, and he could breathe again, Fitz stood up, using his desk chair for support. Something in his peripheral vision caught his eye and he whirled around to see…

Nothing. There was nothing there.

Hesitantly, Fitz sat down, picked up his pen, and forced himself to relax.

It was probably nothing.

-x-

About a week later, Fitz had forgotten about the entire thing. It was in the evening, and he was doing his usual weapon-sharpening for Grizel. His mind was elsewhere, and he wasn't really paying attention to—

"OW!"

He muttered a few words his parents would not be proud of as he quickly fumbled to grab a clean cloth to put pressure on the stinging cut on his palm. "Idiot," he mumbled to himself. "Fucking idiot."

He examined the wound. It wasn't too deep, so hopefully it wouldn't scar. Fitz wrapped the cloth around his hand and went to the bathroom to get a bandage. He was no physician, but he wasn't going to hail one for such a small, embarrassing mishap.

Fitz washed his hands and bandaged the cut. It was then that he noticed the stain on the cloth. Red from the blood, but also, oddly, a few splotches of black.

Was that normal?

What did that mean?

"Everything okay?" Biana asked, appearing in the doorway.

Fitz quickly folded the cloth. "Yeah, I just… I cut myself while sharpening a throwing star." He held up his bandaged hand.

"Oh. Shit."

"It's not too bad, Bi," he assured her.

"Then why do you look so scared?"

"Scared?" he repeated. He was a little bit scared, but he didn't think it'd be showing. "I'm not really scared. Maybe I'm just tired." He added a laugh to convince her. And it seemed to do the trick.

"Go to bed early, then," she told him. "Night!" She walked away, flickering as she did.

-x-

So maybe something was wrong.

Fitz could maybe admit that to himself. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps.

Because the world was very dim. Like there was a shadow cast over it. His echo had affected him twice in the past week— both while he was alone— and now he stared at himself in the mirror, but it wasn't himself.

He had to be dreaming.

Those cobalt blue eyes did not belong to him.

Alvar's face was hollow and haunted, but it was there. And when Fitz turned his head, so did Alvar. When he stumbled back in disbelief, his brother did the same.

He hadn't realized how similar they looked. It chilled him to the bone.

Fitz slid to the ground and pressed a hand over his mouth to stifle a scream. He couldn't see the mirror anymore. He had to get out of this nightmare. The echoes were pressing on his pounding heart— harder than ever. He dug his fingernails into his arms, telling himself to wake up.

Wake up.

Wake

Up.

And he did.

The world turned bright again, and there he was, on the bathroom floor, breathing heavily.

"Fitz, hurry up! You're gonna make us late!"

He scrambled to his feet and looked in the mirror.

The eyes that met his were his own.

He pressed a hand to his chest.

What the hell just happened?

It. It didn't matter. He was going to be late.

He quickly combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and hurried with Biana to the Leapmaster.

Today was another day of pretending.

-x-

Throughout the day, Fitz kept double-checking his reflection to make sure it was still normal. There were dark bags under his eyes that he hadn't noticed before. Which was weird, since he'd actually been taking sedatives to sleep these days. He didn't tell anyone, though, so they wouldn't worry. He just snuck them into his room from the bathroom. To keep away the nightmares.

"Earth to Fitzy. Fitzroy. Fitz Vackerrrrr—"

Fitz's head snapped up. "What?"

Keefe poked him. "You feel weird."

Something about Keefe's touch set Fitz on edge. "No I don't," he snapped, a little too loudly. The study hall mentor shushed them.

"I'm the empath here," Keefe reminded him in a whisper.

"Well, maybe you're wrong."

"Jeez, why so moody?" Keefe poked him again.

Fitz shrugged him away and ignored him.

He had no idea why he was so angry at Keefe. He was being concerned as a good friend should be.

But Fitz's heart was beating so loud in his ears, he didn't hear what Keefe said next. He tried to focus on writing, but his handwriting came out shaky and not at all neat.

Maybe he wasn't okay.

-x-

Fitz kept seeing things. Not as terrifying as the first time he saw Alvar in the mirror, but he did keep seeing shadows and shapes of people who weren't really there.

He couldn't concentrate on reading, either. Every time he had to read more than a few paragraphs, shadows dimmed his vision and made the words look splotchy. It was seriously frustrating.

It was getting to the point where he'd considered telling Elwin or somebody about it, but there was always a voice that told him he shouldn't. It told him that admitting that he was struggling would make him weak and pathetic.

The voice told him he deserved all of this.

He deserved this pain.

And so he did all he could to deal with it. He did his best to act normal, even when everything around him turned dark and shadows poured out of every space.

Fitz was fairly certain his physical appearance was changing as well. His eyes looked darker and strangely empty, and he noticed his pupils were all dilated.

He also looked skinny, but maybe that was because he was losing his appetite. The very thought of eating made him want to throw up. His family didn't seem to notice him skipping meals. They must just assume he was eating later. Or maybe they didn't care. Maybe they wanted him dead.

His heart hurt. His lungs hurt. The veins in his hands looked dark as well, as if the shadows were in his blood.

Fitz was starting to find it hard to breathe, even when resting. Sitting up in bed sent him into a violent coughing fit. He covered his mouth with his hand, praying nobody could hear.

If they found out, he was selfish.

He couldn't tell anyone.

He looked at his hand once he'd stopped coughing. It was stained with splotches of black.

Fitz quickly washed his hands so nobody would know.

-x-

Fitz had run out of sedatives, and every night the shadows closed in closer and closer, swallowing him whole until there was nothing but darkness that was blacker than black.

The nightmares that always followed had him bolting upright in a cold sweat after only an hour, and the rest of the night was spent in fearful wake.

The voices.

They wouldn't stop.

Those twisted, evil, voices. They told Fitz to do horrible things.

Hurt people. Kill people.

Hurt himself.

He was so scared.

He was so tired of this.

He wanted to stab the wretched echo out of his chest.

He didn't care if he died.

He couldn't do this anymore.

-x-

Fitz was fairly certain it was a sunny day when the echo consumed him. It was hard to tell.

He dragged himself out of bed, shaking, stumbling.

He rolled up his sleeves and ran his hands down the dark black lines on his arms.

Normal cuts would be red and bloody at first, then scab over, then heal.

These never healed.

Fitz changed into his uniform and tried to walk normally down the hall into the bathroom. The voices wouldn't quiet. He caught a glimpse of Biana talking to Della down the stairs, and he wanted to strangle them.

These horrible, horrible thoughts.

He was a horrible, horrible person for thinking them.

Fitz closed himself in the bathroom and prepared to face his reflection again. It had been getting worse and worse.

He felt so sick.

He clapped a hand over his mouth, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit. He rushed over to the sink and spat out all sorts of horrible blackness and blood. Every second he thought it was over, and more came out, like he was coughing up his organs.

It hurt so much.

He wanted to die.

Fitz glanced up at the mirror, breathing heavily. The liquid blackness stained his mouth and his hands and the sink.

How was he supposed to hide this?

Fitz did his best to scrub it off of his skin and wash it down the drain. He couldn't tell how well he'd done. His vision was too dark. Fitz brushed his teeth to get the sickening metallic taste out of his mouth. It didn't work. The aftertaste still lingered. He felt so nauseous.

He couldn't take deep breaths. He could barely breathe. But Alden didn't notice as he rushed off to a meeting. And Biana didn't notice Fitz losing a bit of himself every time they leaped. And his so-called friends didn't notice either.

He must be overreacting.

When lunchtime came, Fitz didn't bother getting in line and instead went to sit down at the table he always sat at. The table where he could pretend to be focusing on a book while everyone else talked around him.

But Fitz was shaking so much.

And he just. Collapsed.

The cafeteria dimmed and the voices dulled as a rushing sound filled his ears and darkness took over.

He vaguely registered that he was coughing, coughing up darkness and blood.

The sound was overwhelming. The voices told him he was dying.

And the pain.

The pain was unbearable.

A sharp, stabbing pain that bloomed in Fitz's chest and synched with his heartbeat. It spread around his torso, squeezed everything out of his stomach, made his hands stop working and his head spin.

The last thing he remembered was darkness.

And voices.

You brought this on yourself, Fitz.

-x-

But that wasn't where it ended.

There were other voices. Coming from outside of his own head.

"What happened?!"

"He just collapsed, and started coughing—"

"Someone get Tam!"

And in the back of all of this, a constant screaming. The echoes had heard this scream before, when they'd first left their mark. It was a scream of death. Fitz felt a similar sound escape his throat. He was lying down now. Somewhere comfortable.

He wanted to escape this pain and leave the shadows behind forever.

Fitz couldn't place the moment everything disappeared. It was a slow and painful end. There was no way to move. No way to run, no way out.

His senses faded slowly away. The last thing he heard was the sound of someone sobbing beside him.

And the scream of death faded away.

#okay i hope it's not too much #have fun reading #kotlc #kotlc fanfic #kotlc oneshot #kotlc fitz #fitz vacker #kotlc biana #biana vacker #kotlc keefe #keefe sencen #kotlc alden #alden vacker

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