#have fun chitlins

[kingshimura4872]

Shorts with Shimura

A/N: Howdy howdy chitlins. How are we doing this fine Evening/Morning/Night? I hope all of you are drinking plenty of water and eating an adequate amount of food for the party in your tummy. (It'sareferencesomeonepleaselaugh)

So, funny story ^^;....I haven't really gotten the motivation to work on a part three/four (I'm so deadass rn, I don't even remember lmao)

B U T

I do have a load of other one shots to share with the world bc my cringe has to go somewhere lol.

So without further ado, feed my children.

Oh and smth else, for those of you that reblogged some of my things, either ask me first, give credit, or just don't please <3

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Pairing: Shigaraki Tomura x GN? Reader (They kinda get called both him and her, idk)

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: American Stereotyping and slander (I hate it here so I might as well take out my anger on a made of character), Barris being a creep, somewhat quick mention of being touched in an unwanted sexual or insinuating way, brief descriptions of stripping clothing at the end (It's not smut don't even try), different languages (Just Japanese and I had to use google translate instead of my yandex translator bc it would only give me kanji and fsr I REALLY didn't want kanji idk), petplay if you squint rlly hard?, Some dark themes so just don't let it get up ur ass if I ruin your mood lmao

Think that's it, if I missed anything, shoot me a comment or dm and I'll do my best to fix it asap.

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“And what makes me think you’d pose a threat? I don’t think you’re in the right place to be making demands.” 

Shigaraki sat unphased. His blood red eyes bored into the skull of a new pompous problem. The bastard, while annoying as all hell, was a somewhat important asset to his current objective. He’d already become the leader of the Paranormal Liberation Front, but now he wanted to move international. So here stood his next step. The leader of a quite well known villain organization from the United States in North America. He knew that if he could get this man on his side, he’d have no problem getting the two other countries that sat on the continent as well. But for the love of God, were these Americans so full of it. He’d barely gotten a proper word in comparison to the other male, who’d been talking almost the entire time. Americans sure knew how to run their mouths like they owned the world. 

   “Well, I am the one that invited you here. And right under the authorities' noses at that. No one knows you’re here and we could so easily change that fact if you wish to keep rubbing your nose in what you have no business knowing.” The scarred individual finally sighed, standing up from his chair. This empty ‘office’ room was quite stuffy, most likely from the pure stench this American was exuding. Americans should learn to properly bathe themselves before getting on such a high horse. He thought to himself, walking around the chair and leaning an elbow on the back of it. 

   “I personally have a trained hitman at my beck and call, ready to do whatever I order it to. Where’s your protection, Mr. American?” A smug grin spread across his face as the American man became very easily irate.

   “I have plenty of protection, guns cocked and ready to blaze if you so much as let a hair fall out of place!” He spat, actual saliva flying around and landing on various surfaces. Shigaraki tsked at the man for getting so angered at a simple pointer, almost as if he was scolding a child. 

   “This is tiresome back and forth with you, Mr. Barris. We can either talk out our reasoning for being here in the first place like adults, or I can order my soldiers to kill you before any of them have time to take the safety off their weapons.” Shigaraki scoffed, getting increasingly impatient. Both men quickly changed their tune, Shigaraki sitting back down and the American pulling out a file from his briefcase.

   “What do you want in this exchange, Mr. Shigaraki?” The American spoke first, crossing his arms.

   “I simply want everything you and your group’s services can offer. I’m not a fan of only leading Japan anymore. I wish to move elsewhere and if you and I can work out a deal, I’ll have less of a headache getting others to agree. You do have quite the influence afterall.”

This seemed to mull over well with the man as a smug expression was now plastered all over his sweaty face. 

   “I do indeed, don’t I?” Shigaraki nodded stiffly. He despised stroking people’s egos. It annoyed him to no end, but ever since taking full control of himself and killing All For One himself, he had to pick up the slack his master had originally done. This included finding powerful allies and working towards a stronger army. He bit his tongue in order to not spew something idiotic that would work poorly for him as the American once again began talking about himself and his underground empire. He had a main goal for this new alliance. He understood that Americans were good at three things. Being full of themselves all the time, strong weapons, and drugs. The yakuza group Overhaul had built was good, but it relied on the quirk of an incredibly young girl and once that girl had been taken, he knew they were doomed to fall no matter how that end came. He found the quirk erasing drugs quite interesting and knew if anyone could capitalize on that, it was him. Money was no longer an object and he was willing to throw whatever the stupid American wanted to get his hands on that kind of technology. He wanted it. And when he wanted something, he got it. Every. Single. Time.

   “We’re willing to do just about anything to work around your wants. Name your price, Mr. Barris.” 

   “Straight to the point I see. Your English may be good, but Japanese people are always the same. Never a fan of small talk. What happened to civil liberties? You should get to know me first before tossing money on the table.” Barris laughed out, his posture visibly relaxing. Good. 

   “I apologize.” Shigaraki forced a chuckle. “I simply want to get it out in the air so we can get out of each other’s hair as fast as possible. We’re both very busy men, you know.”

   “Ain’t that the damn truth.” Barris laughed again, slapping his knee in the process. Shigaraki stifled a laugh. They really DO do that.

   “Anyways. Small pleasantries aside. What is it that you’d like to gain from this exchange?”

   “Hm.” Barris looked down at the folder in front of him, opening it and pulling out a few papers. “Well, you did have a good idea with offering money. But we also want numbers of another calibur.”

   “And that’d be?”

   “We want some of those ‘nomus’ y’all have. And people who are good at making more. We’ve seen what those beasts can do, and I think it’d be fun to have a couple of our own. We can use it for testing and such. Along with this.” He slid a small piece of cardstock with something written on it. It was amusing to Shigaraki. It was like those crappy American movies to the T. Sliding the price they wanted over with a piece of paper during an exchange. It was almost humoring. He picked up the cardstock, looking at the price. It was outrageous for what he was getting in return, but he did need this deal.

   “Fine. Would you like it in full?”

   “Not necessary. Take your time with the payment, but I do request we get the entire amount within the next calendar year.”

   “Fair enough.”

The two stood up and shook hands. Barris wasn’t afraid of touching the villain, as he was wearing two fingered gloves. Something someone had to convince him to do during this endeavor. But he wouldn’t disclose that information to anyone. 

   “There is one more thing I’d like to ask of you. It’s more of a personal preference.” Barris dropped, smiling as he sunk his hands into his suit pockets.

   “And what would that be?”

   “I heard from a little bee that you’ve gotten one of mine under your command. I’d like to see them.”

Shigaraki’s eye twitched and he scowled a bit. “And who would this ‘little bee’ happen to be?”

   “No one you need to concern yourself with. I simply want to see if I know them personally. I wasn’t told who they were, but I was told they were American like myself, so I’d like to meet them.” Barris explained.

I’ll kill whoever told this scum about him. Shigaraki told himself as he sighed. He wasn’t really in the position to deny many requests from the man, as he could just as easily take back his agreement to the offer. 

   “Fine. But only for a moment. I like to keep him busy.” He hummed, taking a step back from the table. He brought two fingers to his mouth and whistled rather loudly, Barris tipping his head to the side in confusion. Was this American not human or something? In the blink of an eye, a new figure appeared at the villain’s side, cloaked in a black uniform and kitsune kabuki mask obscuring their face. Two blades clung to their back and strapped to each thigh was an OTs-33 Pernach, most likely already loaded and ready to fire at will. The blades in question were matching Tachi words, jet black and blood red stained leather woven in an intricate pattern on each handle and an antique tsuba created by Sunagawa Masayoshi sat snugly between the razor sharp blades and the handles. 

   “Sir.” You spoke, bowing to Shigaraki. He looked at you blankly.

   “Kneel” Was all he said. And you did without hesitation, kneeling on one knee and a hand lay flat on the cold tile flooring of the room. He reached a hand down, gently grasping your chin and lifting your gaze to meet his. He seemed pleased with himself.

   “Mask.”

Without question, you unclasped the straps that sat on the back of your head with a soft click, pulling your kabuki mask off and giving it to him. “Stand.” You did. Barris met your frame with another mask, this time only covering your nose and mouth, however your neck length hair came with fluffy bangs that covered your eyes well enough.

“Kochira wa Barisudesu. Anata ga tsurete kuru yō ni meiji rareta amerikahitodesu. Anata wa futari tomo amerikahitonanode, kare wa anata ni chokusetsu aitai to omotte imasu. Kare wa anata no koto o shitte iru kamo shirenai to omotte imasu.”

   (This is Barris. The American you were ordered to bring. He wishes to see you in person since you’re both American. Thinks he might know you.)

You nodded and glanced at the man.

   "Kare ga nani o hakidasoutomo, anata wa watashi no monodeari tsuzukeru deshou. Kare wa kimochi waruinode, dekirudakehayaku watashi no me kara kiete hoshīdesu. Kare o koko kara tsuredasu tame ni dekiru kagiri no koto o shite kudasai, shikashi oboete oite kudasai..” He grasped your chin again, pulling you a bit closer to him. “Anata wa watashi no monodesu.”

   (You will remain mine, no matter what he spews. He’s disgusting and I want him out of my sight as soon as possible. Do what you can to get him out of here, but remember…. You belong to me.)

You nodded again, and turned to the man.

   “Quite the mouthful he said.” Barris chuckled. “Makes me wonder what he’s saying about me.”

   “Permission to speak freely, sir?” You asked.

   “Granted.” Shigaraki replied.

   “I was only informed that it was you I was ordered with transporting here. I was wondering who was so important that it required my services.” You hummed, walking around the table.

   “Shigoto o kichinto yareba, go hōbi o ageru yo, kitsune.” Shigaraki added, walking around the other side of the table to leave the room.

   “Hai.” 

When he shut the door behind him, Barris wasted no time, putting his hands on your body. You wanted to slither away from his grimey touch, but you knew this was the best way to get him where you both wanted him.

   “I heard you were one of mine, and I just had to see if I knew you personally, doll.” He remarked, one of his hands sliding down your side and resting just above your hip. You did your best to hide a grimace, hoping it didn’t show through the mask as you slowly snaked your hands up his arms.

   “I don’t think I worked for you, Mr. Barris. I would definitely remember working for a man such as yourself.” You sang, twirling yourself out of his grasp and slipping onto the table. You crossed a leg over the other and sat your hands on the edges of the table for support. You looked open, inviting, weak. And that was exactly what you were aiming for. Men like him loved weak people. They loved preying on anyone they perceived as having weak minds and melding them to bend at their will. You were all too familiar with his kind. It sickened you that he thought you’d break so easily. You devoted your life to one man and one man only. And no scum like this was going to make you so much as blink in the other direction. 

   “Is that so? And what kind of man do you take me for?” He grinned. You were stroking his ego more by the second. 

   “Powerful. Commanding. A man who knows what he wants and how to get it.” A man who wouldn’t know left from right if it was tattooed on his hands. You thought.

.

.

.

You shut the door to the unmarked black car as the window rolled down.

   “I do look forward to working with you, doll.” Barris smiled, taking your hand and kissing it slowly. You smiled sweetly to him under the mask, knowing he could see it. 

   “As do I, Mr. Barris. Nice to have another American around.”

He let out a hearty laugh, letting your hand go and glancing at Shigaraki who’d been standing a bit behind you.

   “I look forward to business, Mr. Shigaraki.” 

   “Mm. Likewise.” They both nodded to each other and shook hands before you waved lightly to the driver. The window rolled back up as the vehicle drove off. Your smile stayed only until the car turned a corner, to which you immediately grimaced openly. Shigaraki took you back inside to a different room - his private quarters in this particular building - and grabbed a few alcohol wipes for you. You quickly took one and rubbed it against both your hands, taking time to wipe every inch of the uniform he’d laid his grimy hands on.

   “I take it, your…talk with him, went well then?” The man asked, leaning against a small table near the corner of the room.

   “Ugh, he was putrid. I could practically TASTE how bad he smelled. Can’t believe I was born in the same place as him.” You keened. Your body shivered at the mere thought of him touching you again and you quickly rid yourself of your accessories. You placed them on one of the shelves the room had and huffed.

   “We should bathe you. Who knows what kind of germs he had.” Shigaraki jested, but you quickly took the invite, shedding your clothing one piece at a time. He was a bit surprised at your eagerness, but went with it nonetheless, guiding you to the bathroom and starting the water.

   “Ugh, I forgot how touchy Americans are. Here, you wouldn’t even think to touch a stranger so nonchalantly. 

He fixed the temperature, shedding his own garments and helping you with what you had left.

   “And to think, we have to work with him now, it disgusts me. He was so full of himself, I thought he might explode from how big his head was.” 

You continued to rant as you brainlessly followed your leader’s movements into the now full tub of hot water. The second you were seated on top of him, you were pulled back to the present.

   “Oh. You didn’t have to waste your time getting in with me.” You said in a quieter tone.

   “Eh. Two birds with one stone. I had to touch him too, not sure if whatever he has can spread from the contact area.” He joked. You couldn’t hold yourself back from a small laugh, covering your mouth as he pulled your back flat against his chest.

[stargod]

Hi, sorry, its been literally 4 months since QuintonReviews put out the Beverly Hillbillys video of all time and i'm still not over the fact that all upperclass people from urban areas were apparently so unaware of crayfish that no one knowing What They Were could b A Running Joke for like Half the Series???? How? How??? Ive never Met a person who doesnt know a crayfish. My moms from Minneapolis and she regularly went to catch crayfish in streams n creeks! Its genuinely my favorite joke I'm absolutely elated at the notion 😭🤣🤣

[tani-b-art]

“This ain’t a Country album. This is a “Beyoncé” album.”

I understand why she said this! Because the way it seems she created a completely new genre with ‘Cowboy Carter’! The Country is there (and all the elements) and there’s some Blues, Folk, Soul, Zydeco, Bluegrass, a lil Rock, Gospel and Opera and then some (all genres with Black (Black) American origins). Almost like she opened a new sonic portal while helping to reclaim the genre made by Black Americans.

First off — the album cover art. She pays homage to a long-standing Black American Southern tradition of Houston rodeo and rodeo queens. Carrying our country’s flag…the imagery is signifying to her being a Black American woman. Who she is.

The album cover alone set the tone for what she presented with act ii. [and the photographer is Blair Caldwell, a fellow Black Texan, who has such an eye for capturing beauty. all his photographs are visually pleasing].

[Even the promo - the track list design is a nod & historical reference to Black American culture via The Chitlin Circuit promotional posters. I love it. Made my little graphic art heart smile. The nostalgia of it.]

From the opening track title and lyrics and later on within other songs, she wove her ancestral claiming to America with so much pride. Pride for our country and our flag that we absolutely should have.

Then to have Ms. Linda Martell, the trailblazing Black pioneer & legend in the genre who broke many barriers, be a part of this album was so reverent. (Especially her spoken word throughout that spoke to the way that she and Beyoncé have had to navigate this music industry. When their presence wasn’t well-received, in the very genre we created, they set out to move in a “non-traditional” way). They themselves are the embodiment of unconventional. Ms. Martell rightfully receiving her flowers at the golden age of 82 is harmonious!

Every part of act ii has made people research and discover. The same way act i did. Gotta love a good educational experience through music. (btw—the mention of Zydeco had me hyped).

Having Rhiannon Giddens on instrumentation (along with other background Black musicians and I’m sure Black vocalists) and sharing this musical journey with Tanner Adell, Brittney Spencer, Tiera Kennedy, Reyna Roberts, Willie Jones and Shaboozey — other young Black women and Black men in the genre…all of this Black fellowship made me so happy.

Just sooo much honoring throughout it all. Lots of love poured into it.

Everything is resonate. Connecting. With purpose.

Her voice, her musicality, the note choices, the lyrics, the song titles and the spelling of them, the arrangements.

It’s fun and beautiful.

It sounds amazing.

A beautiful tribute to her roots.

Bravo Beyoncé!

[crookedfandomquill]

Alright, folks, I rewatched the Bo’re Life arc this week, and I have thoughts and a newfound appreciation for it (what? Me? Liking the Bo’re arc?It’s more likely than you’d think). As my mom used to say at the start of road trips or our semi-annual family viewing of The Sound of Music: buckle up, chitlins. 

Okay, first off: this arc is a lot easier and more interesting to watch the second time around. I suspect that’s because I’m not chomping at the bit to just get back to Tantai Jin and Susu in the real world, since I already know what happens. This time, I can settle in and appreciate Bo’re Life without the urgency of “when is the actual story going to come back, fuck you writers”. It’s also very fun for me to draw parallels and find foreshadowing I didn’t notice before. And, having done so, I present the following thesis: the Bo’re Life arc strengthened the overall story both as a tragedy, and as a “happy” ending.

Addendum: I have a lot of thoughts about what constitutes a happy ending, and my thoughts on TTEOTM in this regard are complicated. Essentially, I would argue that the ending, while certainly sad, isn’t a “tragedy” in the narrative sense. While the individual happiness of the characters takes a real blow in the end, they do accomplish their ultimate goal. It’s a pyrrhic victory, but a victory nonetheless, and it’s implied that they will get a much happier ending as individuals sometime in the future. That doesn’t mean it was as satisfying as it could have been (it seems clear that TTJ will come back but I'm pissed we didn't get to see it), and I know a lot of viewers will totally disagree with my opinion. But I digress! Let’s get into Bo’re Life.

Bo’re Life threw a LOT of information at both protagonists, and the roles they played in it didn’t correspond neatly with their own destinies, which kind of baffled me the first time around. Ming Ye represented both what Tantai Jin could aspire to be, and the mistakes Susu needed to avoid in neutralizing him. Sang Jiu represented both Susu’s traumas and doomed loveline, and Tantai Jin’s fate if Susu failed as Ming Ye had.

The parallels between Bo’re life and real life perfectly underline the tragedy of the story: both protagonists are shown beforehand the choices they must not make, but because of who they are, they make them anyway.

Susu was an idealistic and traumatized woman with a mission, so she was always going to fail like Ming Ye did by putting the greater good ahead of love and communication. Tantai Jin was a disempowered and naive man falling in love for the first time, so he was always going to be just like Sang Jiu and give his fragile heart too fully, then shatter under the weight of betrayal. Bo’re Life both foretold the tragedy, and failed to prevent it. 

It could be argued that Tantai Jin and Susu played the wrong roles in Bo’re Life to avoid tragedy in the Jing arc, but they played the right roles to avoid it in the cultivator arc. In the mortal world, Susu needed Ming Ye’s experience of losing everything because he neglected his heart. And Tantai Jin needed Sang Jiu’s experience of subsuming herself in another person so recklessly that she lost her soul to it. Neither of them got that, and so they repeated the tragedy of 10,000 years ago: Susu by loving and then betraying Tantai Jin, and Tantai Jin by allowing his obsessive love to run unchecked.

But as cultivators, 500 years later, they both ended up relying on the virtues of the roles they played in Bo’re Life. Susu channeled Sang Jiu’s optimistic love and staunch loyalty to repair her relationship with Tantai Jin and become someone he could genuinely rely on. And Tantai Jin needed Ming Ye’s sacrificial love and dedication to the greater good to understand and execute his subversion of destiny.

This time around, they were both where they needed to be, playing the roles fate assigned them… but drastically changing the lines. Susu became a goddess, just like her mother, the only being who could defeat the Devil Lord. And Tantai Jin became the Devil Lord, just as he was born to do. But there was no battle between them, no great war like 10,000 years ago. Just like during their dance at the Jing water festival, Tantai Jin played his part, then surrendered.

And, just as she removed his mask 500 years ago, Susu saw through his act to who he really was, who he’d always been.

They redeemed the very mistakes they made at the end of their story in Jing: Susu, who couldn’t trust him and destroyed him as a result, finally gave him her trust, even as he wore the image of her greatest fears. And Tantai Jin, who was so desperate for her love that he killed her trying to keep her, finally let her go to save the world. 

The Jing arc ended with both of them as the worst versions of themselves: Susu vengeful and traumatized, Tantai Jin obsessive and broken. As she died, Susu threw Tantai Jin’s destiny in his face, calling him the greatest curse and rejecting him in this life and the next. In his last days in Jing, Tantai Jin devolved into despair and denial, unable to cope with the grief and betrayal. They didn't learn the correct lessons in Bo're life, not this time around.

By contrast, the cultivator arc ended with both of them as the best versions of themselves: Susu capable of trust and forgiveness and elevated to godhood, Tantai Jin whole and loved and able to overturn his evil destiny. They learned, not just from their own mistakes, but from those of Ming Ye and Sang Jiu. And it helped them win.

[babyfluffybutt]

Hello fellow neurodivergent (though that's not really relevant to my question)!

I just saw some of your clips and something occurred to me. Unlike many involved in ABDL modeling/videography/whatever your personality seems to distinctly bleed through to distinctly charming effect in a way I haven't really seen before.

So I was thinking...

Have you ever considered doing like a series of VLogs even something in occasional show-type format? Personally, I think it would suit you very well, at least from the little I've seen.

Just a thought. Sorry to bother you and Io Saturnalia, which sounds SO much more fun than traditional Xmas.*

*Though some traditions are more memorable than others, such as the ancient druids with their sacrificial-intestines-in-the-tree bit. I asked if we could do that with a fake tree and a bunch of chitlins once at my old job but my boss told me, "Hell No."

... some people have no sense of fun and now I'm just rambling.

Peace!

Wow this has to be one of the more thoughtful asks. Thank you so much for the kind words!! I've thought about doing vlogs, and sometimes I do voiceovers because people seem to like it. It's funny you mention my personality, because I was always known as the weird and annoying one in school. When I started doing my jff I was shocked that people liked my personality when I talked. I guess its still weird for me, but when I go live, people seem to love it because I don't have a filter, and I'm not trying to be a model. I feel like there are some beautiful models out there and for me I just wanted to show everyone that it's possible to wear a diaper everyday. Whether that's on purpose, or because you don't have a choice. Again thank you for the really sweet comment 😊😊😊

[aleshakills]

Yeah, that's cause of the poverty. There's not some invisible culture divide between the whites of America that just makes some of you inherently more spicy. You (or your recent ancestors) probably just grew up poor.

When you're poor, you generally only have access to subpar ingredients, so you have to do a lot more work to them to make them palatable. That's why so much soul food is stuff like pig feet and chitlins. Enslaved Black people were literally given scraps to eat and had to make them taste good, because not eating was not an option. Or things like grits, that you can stretch really far over a lot of meals, but is also incredibly bland by itself.

So yeah, making fun of southern food and soul food is not only racist, it's also classist. But mostly racist.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Sierra Ferrell - Trail Of Flowers

Kacey Musgraves dropped a new album a few weeks ago, entitled Deeper Well. It’s a pleasant folk-pop album that leans into 1970s singer-songwriter aesthetics, and is even further from her country roots than most people expected. Instead of pivoting back to something that she knows works, she went to another sound, and you know what? Good on her. The album isn’t that bad, and it’s got some solid stuff on it, but let’s also be real — Kacey Musgraves isn’t the only woman in country that’s made an impact within the last decade. There are plenty of women that make the kind of country music that they wish Musgraves would make again. One such woman is Sierra Ferrell. She’s a name that’s probably very well known within the underground country scene, but mainstream audiences may not know her as well. She was featured on Zach Bryan’s last album, but more so in a backing vocal role, yet that song wasn’t one of the more popular ones (the one with Kacey Musgraves was the big single, and for good reason).

It’s been a few years since her debut, and I listened to 2021’s Long Time Coming a couple times, but I didn’t spend enough time to really sink my teeth into it. It was good from what I remember, but I always appreciated how she has a more old school sound, similarly to a lot of other artists on the rise. Her new album, Trail Of Flowers, is very much in the same vein, but like Musgraves, it weirdly leans into singer-songwriter territory. This is still very much a country album, but it has a lot of acoustic elements, too. If anything, it’s a nice mix between country, bluegrass, and folk. This record reminds me a bit of Musgraves’ new album, but it has more of a country sound.

Unlike Deeper Well, however, Trail Of Flowers is a very lovely sounding album, but it also has some substance to it. I liked Deeper Well, as I said, and it had a few good lyrics in there with a pleasant sound that ultimately felt forgettable in spots and songs ran together. Her voice was also fantastic, as Musgraves usually is, but a lot of people were wondering where the country sound went. Like I said, I’m glad she doubled down with moving into a new sound, but if you want a country album with a retro influence and great lyricism, Trail Of Flowers is perfect for you. I think that ultimately Sierra Ferrell has a better way with words on this record, and has better grasp on a good balance of sounds here. This record isn’t just an acoustic and folk album, which is fine in itself, but this album always feels fresh and interesting. No two songs sound alike, and everything feels memorable.

I really enjoy this album, but I do have a couple of issues with it, which I’ll get to later one. I still have a lot of fun with this one, and a handful of songs are some of my favorites of the year. You can tell that she had a lot of fun making this record, but this is such a fun, catchy, and authentic little album. I don’t know how else to describe it, she just sounds authentic. The lyricism is really the best part of it, though, and is what sells this album for me. Her voice does, too, which has this southern twang that is very distinct and unique. Her lyrics are very much story driven, and while this album doesn’t have a straightforward concept, a lot of the songs feel like there’s a common theme. Songs deal with southern living, whether it’s cooking chiltlins, going fox hunting, the Smoky Mountains, and a lot of other southern imagery. Songs like “American Dreaming,” “Fox Hunt,” “Dollar Bill Bar,” “Chitlin Cookin’ Time In Cheatham County,” “I’ll Come Off The Mountain,” and “Money Train” all tell stories, all the while feeling very lived in and authentic. She makes it very believable, and I really appreciate the authenticity of the album.

She has sense a humor, too, especially with “Dollar Bill Bar,” “Wish You Well” (which you can take as a joke or as something rather sad), or my personal favorite song on the record that always cracks me up when I hear it, “I Could Drive You Crazy,” which is about how Ferrell can’t do all of these stereotypical southern things, such as hunting or fishing, but she’s good at driving her partner crazy. A few songs don’t really do anything for me, such as “Why Haven’t You Loved Me Yet,” which is still a tongue in cheek song, or closing track, “No Letter,” but when the album works, it works well. It helps that the album is only 38 minutes, so it’s a relatively short affair, but it has a lot of heart, wonder, authenticity, and description, it feels like a loose collection of stories from someone. A few songs don’t work as well, because they fade into the background, but I do enjoy this record quite a bit.

[sohannabarberaesque]

Postcards from Snagglepuss

Come and play have midnight breakfast with the Cattanooga Cats

ABOVE CATTANOOGA KLATSCHE, GATLINBURG, TN: Ahhh, the midnight biscuits-and-gravy breakfasts of the Cattanooga Cats, rather legendary for fueling serious creativity ... and to have yours truly, Huckleberry Hound and Crazy Claws called over to such can get to be rather exciting, excitable even, especially with unusually tender biscuits and a combination of mild and hot breakfast sausage in the sausage gravy!

"Which, I have to admit, is how I've been fond of things," Kitty Jo explained as a fresh batch of the legendary gravy was being prepared. "Just trying to keep a happy medium while having fun and being a little silly in the process."

And what aroma the sausage gave! No doubt giving Huckleberry Hound much in the way of sentimental memories going through a plate of such like you wouldn't believe.

And even then, Country, the band's leader, explained what basically the Gatlinburg Easter Parade was all about: "Just us fellow Funtastics walking down the Parkway rather casually, starting casually, you might say, from where the main Parkway and the East Parkway join, going through Beautiful Downtown Gatlinburg--"

Which had pretty much the whole of us laughing.

"--right through to the park entrance."

"So what sort of provision is there in case rain should ensue?" asked Groove.

"Simple," Country noted. "We'll provide rain ponchos."

"Wavy chitlin' gravy!" was how Scoots responded.

"Scoots, we'll cross that bridge, so to speak," Country was quick to respond, "on the day, depending on the weather. But let's just hope conditions turn out rather well."

"So," Crazy Claws asked, "might it be safe to suggest that what we are doing is an elaborate sort of 'meet-and-greet' for the tourists as are there Easter weekend?"

"I think you could say as much," Kitty Jo remarked. Followed by Country remarking that there would be a somewhat substantial Easter brunch at Cattanooga Klatsche following for participants.

And just imagine how delectable those biscuits can get ... which Kitty Jo put down to using nothing less than self-rising flour ("an old secret learned from my momma," she explained)!

Yet trying not to be too excited or excitable, though you could still have "meet-and-greet" opportunities impromptu in the parade runup (mind you, it's Easter weekend break for the most part); such will likely be discussed soon in this space.

With Scoots offering an idea:

"Have you considered us maybe doing a tug-of-war across the Little Pigeon River with The Banana Splits?"

"THEM--?!!" was how Country responded incredulously.

"Now just picturing The Banana Splits and the Cattanooga Cats in a tug-of-war in Gatlinburg across the river ... and just hoping tourists won't notice!" was how Crazy Claws commented on the notion. How this was bound to go ...

*************

@warnerbrosentertainment @artistic-octopus @jellystone-enjoyer @funtasticworld @iheartgod175 @archive-archives @themineralyoucrave @screamingtoosoftly @gatlinburgvisitor-blog-blog @thylordshipofbutts @thebigdingle @warnerbros-blog1 @zodiacfan32 @groovybribri @theweekenddigest @indigo-corvus @warnerbrosent-blog

[cottoncandyopinions]

I'm the same way, the acidity in the chocolate is kinda gross to me, so I can't eat like a whole Hershey bar or something, but if it's like a chocolate with a filling or something else coated in chocolate I don't really notice and can enjoy.

I think it'd be fun to arrange one of those polls around regional stuff that even a lot of Americans disagree on. I grew up in Florida and ate a lot of frog leg and gator tail growing up. And despite still being within Florida, I remember people acting like I was gross or weird for eating and enjoying those things.

Pickled pig's feet, rattlesnake, rocky mountain oysters, chitlins, heck even Hawaiian musubi gets a lot of questionable reactions because of the spam.

Starting to think we should have a "weird regional meats" poll now that I realize what's the "weird" part of everything I've mentioned lol

The thing is. Bad/gross food is rarely a DISH - when food is bad it's because it's been badly made, whether because of skills or available ingredients. but a dish p much only exists recognisably and has a name because someone likes at least one version of it.

which is to say. there isn't really a way of naming a dish, school of dishes or specific food culture and going EW ISN'T THIS DISH UNILATERALLY CONCEPTUALLY DISGUSTING without denigrating quite a lot of people.

like you don't have to like it in any form. but it's eaten and shared because it's good to a not insubstantial number of people when cooked right.

(and I don't really understand how you approach that with total incuriosity when it's a dish you haven't tried like. ARE rocky mountain oysters good? Maybe! I would very much eat some to find out!!!!)

this is actually something the British food poll did in a way the American ones I've seen haven't really - they described how the food they're imagining is, specifically, badly prepared (grey meat and veggies; unseasoned shepherd's pie). which is wildly tipping the scales by calling it British Food but. like. that is an on point definition of why that food is gross.

(this also applies to American chocolate, which like. Broad category but I think most of us understand this refers to low-cocoa high-sugar chocolate, probably with bucolic acid. so we are being invited to imagine Badly Made Chocolate not. the concept of chocolate)

personally I just think it's very rarely a good or funny idea to shittalk how gross any given food culture is. partly because food is important and culturally evocative for most people, partly because it's very...alienating? to be like WHO COULD EAT SUCH A THING? just because you wouldn't, and largely because to be frank it says more about you than about the food that you have so little imagination or curiosity that you can't imagine why a food might be enjoyable to folks who aren't you.

yes this includes jello salad, I would like to try it. ONCE. if it wasn't appealing to someone it wouldn't be so widespread.

[queenofallimagines]

Hey queen, it's me again lol(one that requested overhoe being roasted), sorry for so many requests, I don't wanna work u too much! But can I have headcanons of bakugou, deku, and icy hot trying soul food for the first time? I'm currently eating dirty rice, green beans, and fillet mignon with potato salad, and I'm in heaven🤤🤤. Keep writing beautiful😊😊❤❤.

Okay this this was so much fun BC this is the first time I’m not having soup food for thanksgiving like idk what Mexican people eat??? I’m scared lmao

Song ref: sugar - robin schlulz

Todoroki:

- Oop girl that sounds goooood

- You make dinner for yourself quite often BC it reminds you of home

- He asks for some

- BC he is curious to what you grew up on

- Make his ass a whole plate I’m talking

- Potato salad

- Broccoli with cheese

- Macaroni and cheese

- Dirty rice (biiiitch that’s my fav)

- Make him chicken too

- OK but he like is in love now

- Will marry you

- “This is delicious, who taught you how to cook like this??”

- “My dead ancestors babe.”

- LMAOO wild ass

- But nah when you make food his greedy ass always gon want a plate

- “You making diner tonight?”

- He will try to find out you gumbo recipe

- Brings his mom a plate

- “My amazing s/o made this.”

- Lmao he’s gunna just subtle brag about how good you can cook

- this clown can and will mess up the greens

- “ all you had to do was season them”

- “I messed up.”

- He really likes sweet potato pie

- Eats the leftover marshmallows

- Steaks chicken from the fridge

- “ Who told you to eat the rest of it?”

- “ I was hungry you should’ve been looking over your food.”

- Fight

Izuku:

- oh he loves it

- He loves how it’s so spicy

- Asks for thirds

- The mash potatoes are his favorite

- He can and will eat all the corn bread before it cools off

- “This is amazing!!”

- Compliments to the cheff(you)

- Will watch how you season chicken

- “What are you adding now?”

- “ Sriracha.”

- Gives his mom some of your ice tea

- That’s all he drinks now

- Water and ice tea

- Drinks the entire gallon before the end of the week

- “..... are you cooking tonight.”

- Wants to help you cook to become closer to you

- In charge of the cooking playlist

- This clown chokes j cole

- 🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️ sir if you don’t throw on some fucking Hurricane Chris

- But lmao he does like watching you cook

- Gets jealous when you cook for everyone

- BC he wants to keep you all to himself

- Will eat the left overs

- If you makes black eyes peas he will refuse to share

- Shrimp and grits is a close second to his favorite

Bakugou:

- okay he will think your a shit cook

- BC he’s the best cook

- Once he tries your food it’s over tho

- He’s going to devour a pan of mac & cheese

- He tries to make cornbread but he just can’t do it

- Can’t replicate the black touch

- “Okay but I literally did the same thing as you!!”

- “ you have to put love into it.”

- Your spicy curry chicken is out of this world

- His favorite food

- Brings you home to mom

- “Teach this old hag how to cook.”

- Lmao what a clown

- He probably like chitlins🤢🤢🤢

- Too bad you’re not going to make them because you have class

- It’s all the biscuits without even looking

- His mom loves your cooking and can actually replicate the chicken pretty well

- his dad: would you like to stay for dinner

- His mom: would you like to stay forever

- Likes hush puppies

- Will body some collard greens

- Like you might as well just have a plate ready for him if you’re planning to cook

- This clown will try to get you to cook

- “ I’m hungry.”

- You make banana pudding for his mom but he ends up getting some and he proposes on the spot

- “ i’m going to marry you.”

- “Sure thing sparky.”

[genogenocrazycatman]

Milkshake - Finn Balor x OC

Milkshake [Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.Net]

Progress: 1/1

Characters: Original Female Character, Finn Balor, Bayley

I know a place.

***

“You're quiet today,” Finn said. “Trying to focus,” I said, shading one of the teeth on the demon. “Distracted?” My eyes flickered up to Finn’s. They were closed, but I didn't have to see them to know that when they opened that they would be reflecting the same playfulness as the smirk he was wearing. “You’re not dry. You're going to crease if you keep smirking.” I was a cosmetologist. I had gone to school gotten a basic understanding of every area in the field and then gone off on own to really learn the various disciplines, earning all of the certifications that came with. However that isn't what I wanted to do. While your standard beauty care was fun and it paid the bills, I really wanted to work in special effects.  I wanted to transform people into monsters and aliens for the movies and TV. I didn't pursue it like I probably should have and got stuck in a rut of smoky eyes and wearable looks. When the opportunity came to work at NXT I jumped. Sure it wasn't what I wanted, but it was a good platform. Then came Finn Balor and the demon. Seeing as I was the only member of the team with legitimate body painting experience, I got the job of painting him anytime the demon was to make an appearance. Body painting is a very intimate thing, no matter how professional you are. You spend hours in their personal space pouring out your imagination and artistic heart on to their skin. You have to talk to pass the time, and you get to know your canvas. Considering the frequency that I had to paint Finn, I knew him well. And it escalated. The better I got to know him the more lines got blurred. Casual talk turned into deep conversations. Forced formality gave way to teasing and flirting, but it never left the chair. Until last week. I was finishing up the last touches on Finn’s back, adding a bit more shading into the eye to make it pop.

 “Why don’t you ever come out with us after the show?” he asked me.

 “Because I like sleep and hate alcohol. Watching a bunch of people get drunk isn’t my idea of fun.”

 “What about milkshakes?” he asked.

 I paused my actions and looked up at where he was trying to look back at me. “What?”

 “Do you like milkshakes?” he repeated.

 I shook my head at him. “Yes, I like milkshakes.”

 “Then will you go and get a milkshake with me after the show?” he asked.

 I bit my lip, thinking it over.

 “There’s this place nearby that makes the best. They’re hand spun.”

 ‘What the hell?’ I thought. “How can I say no to the best? Will they’ll even be open?”

 “Open until two,” he said.

 I nodded, giving his back one last look over, before moving to face him. I gave him one last once over. “Done,” I told him, before taking a step back and stretching. I had been hunched over painting for hours and god my back hurt.

 Finn checked himself out in the mirror. “Brilliant as always,” he said.

 I smiled in response. Grabbing the cleaning fluid so that I could clean out my air brush.

 “Thank you, Lucinda.”

 “You’re welcome, Fergal.”

 “I’ll meet up with you here after I shower and change.”

 “See you then,” I said, watching as he disappeared through the door.

 A couple of hours later, putting the last of my things back into my kit, when he showed back up now dressed in a dark grey suit with a black shirt and black shoes. I couldn’t help but stare for a moment. I mean he was an attractive man. 

 “Cin?” he questioned, gaining my attention.

 I covered and quickly. “Four hours of back breaking labor, down the drain with a little soap and water.”

 He chuckled. “On the bright side if you miss it so much, you get to do it again.”

 “Joy,” I deadpanned. “One of these days, I’m gonna get you in this chair and paint something fun.”

 “Like?”

 “I don’t know yet.”

 “Well, while you figure it out, would you like some help with those?” he asked, referring to my two rolling cases.

 “I got it,” I answered. “But opening the doors for me, that would be much appreciated.”

 I drug the two cases outside. Once we made our way out, he gained the attention of the fans. I put my stuff in my trunk while he interacted with them.

 A short while later we were sitting at the counter of this diner type restaurant, each of us with a milkshake in front of us.

 “You’re right. There are the best,” I said, shoving another spoonful of my rice crispy milkshake. It was vanilla ice cream, blended with marshmallow topping and rice crispies and rainbow sprinkles. There was whipped cream on top more sprinkles and rice crispies and a cherry. Finn had one that was banana chocolate and peanut butter.

 “You sound surprised. Do you really have that little faith in me?”

 “You’re Irish. You eat weird crap, like blood pudding.”

 “I eat weird crap?! What was that you were eating the one day? Chit- Chit?”

 I snorted out a laugh. “Chitlins, and touche.”

 He scrunched his face up in disgust.

 “It’s soul food, and they’re not that bad when they’re fried and covered in hot sauce.”

 “Whatever you say.”

 We went back and forth arguing about food and where we’re from. Conversations always flowed easily between us and that was true now even without it being a necessity of the job.

 “Turn your head,” he said at one point.

 “What? Do I have something on my face?” I asked, wiping at the area around my mouth.

 “No.”

 “Then-“

 “I just wanted to see your face.”

 I couldn’t help but shy away from his gaze, turning my attention back to my milkshake. I tipped the glass to finish it off.

 Fin chuckled.

 “Look at me.” He tilted my head so that was facing him and then ever so gently wiped away at a spot on my face.

 He didn’t let go though, and eventually I forced my gaze to meet his. The small smile on his face faded and he closed the space between us, stopping just before his lips could touch mine. It was an out.

 I didn’t take it, instead, I closed the distance between us.

 It was soft and timid, neither of us willing to push our boundaries any more than we already had.

 “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” Fin admitted, when we pulled apart.

 My heart was sounding off in my ears like the beginning of his entrance music. “I kind of want to do it again,” I said, before my brain could really process how stupid that sounded. Finn smiled, before obliging and connecting our lips once more.

 That was a week ago. NXT had gone on a tour of the Pacific Northwest in that time, and I hadn’t gotten a chance to see or even talk to Finn outside of text messages. Then by the time he got back, I had been on set for a music video two consecutive all day shoots.

 This was the first time that I had gotten to see him, and for some reason I was nervous. The stupid butterflies in my stomach weren’t helping things any. When you’re painting someone, it’s easy to see them as a canvas, something to paint. It makes it easier to ignore the fact that this is a person and that you are ridiculously close to their body. When you’ve been pressed up against the side of your car in a diner parking lot with their tongue down your throat, it’s hard to see them as just a canvas. Instead I was hyper aware of the distance between his skin and mine. The more coated he was, the easier it got. Needless to say this was one of my fastest paint jobs to date.

 “I had fun last week,” he said.

 I had known this, it having had come up in our conversations via text.

 “I did too,” I replied, not even trying to hide the grin on my face.

 “I was wondering if you would go on a real date with me.”

 I looked up. His eyes were now open, even more piercing in contrast against the black paint. “I would love to.” I stood back and gave him a once over. “You’re all good.”

 He checked himself out in the mirror. “Bril.” He grinned. “Thanks, Love.” He took my hand and gave it a squeeze, all he could do given the amount of pigment that I had sprayed onto his skin.

 “No problem,” I said. “Now get out there.”

 “I’m gonna try to swing back here again, before you go. If not I’ll text you later,” he said.

 “Alright. See ya.”

 I stared out the door, with a small smile, which turned into a full blown grin, when Bayley walked in.

 “Demon all done?” she asked.

 I nodded. “Yep. You wanna pick my brain, while I get everything ready?”

 Bayley hopped into the chair that Finn had previously occupied, while I got everything sorted. Bayley had really taken to the NXT makeup classes and actually came to me for more help. She hadn’t expected to enjoy the process as much as she did.

 She had already competed and showered, and I was done with everyone for the time being.

 “You’re smiley today,” she said.

 “It’s been a good day.”

 “And does that have anything to do with a certain demon?” she asked. I looked at her in the mirror. She was giving me a knowing smirk.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.

 “Sure, you don’t. That’s why your smile got wider.”

 I turned my attention back to the airbrush that was now cleaned out. “And if I do?”

 She squealed. “That is adorable. I wondered who he kept texting on tour. Finn isn’t one to keeping worrying about his phone,”

 “Nothing is adorable yet,” I responded. “We haven’t really gone out yet.”

 “Are you going to?”

 “Yes, but we haven’t made the plans yet-“

 “Don’t matter. Still adorable.” She hopped out of the chair and hugged me.

 I rolled my eyes, but hugged her back. How can you not hug Bayley? She doesn’t really give you an option in the matter.

 “I’m so excited for you,” she said.

 “It is just a date, Bay.”

 “Sure now, but I can totally see you two being a legit thing.”

 “We’ll see,” I told her. “Now, what do we want to work on today?” I asked.

 “So what do you think he’s-“

 “Contouring,” I decided, pulling out the appropriate products. I was gonna do her eyes first and then she was gonna do her face afterwards. Contouring was the thing that Bayley found the most confusing.

 “Don’t think I’m going to stop,” she said.

 “Cream contouring,” I said, knowing that she was gonna have to focus more and talk less.

 “Well played.”

 “I try.”

 “Now, what do we start with?”

 “Primer,” she replied.

 I nodded, leaning against my work table, so that I could watch her work.

 Bayley started to work in the primer in. The entire time, she kept speculating.

 I had been hoping that her obsession with improvement would be enough to keep her focus on her makeup, but apparently not.

  “He’s probably going to take you out to dinner,” she said as she dusted the last of the powder off of her face and turned around to look at me.  She did well. It could have been a little more blended, but it wasn’t really noticeable.

 “That’s exactly what I was thinking,” Finn said, still in his paint. “Friday at eight?” he asked.

 “You are so cute,” Bayley said, before slipping out.

 I rolled my eyes at her.

 “That’s fine, but one thing.”

 “What?”

 “No blood pudding.”

 He chuckled. “No blood pudding.”

 “Then, I’ll see you Friday,” I said. “And congrats on the win,” I said, nodding towards the belt that he had managed to retain.

 “Thank you. I’m thinking about going to celebrate.”

 “What are you going to do?” I asked.

 “I’m thinking milkshakes.”

 I smiled and shook my head at him. “You know, I know a place. This really attractive Irishman showed it to me.”

 “Oh really? Where is it?” his grin matched my own.

 “How about I show you?”

 “That sounds ace.”

 “Good. Meet me back here after you’ve showered.”

***

After Party 

***

Master List | Mobile Version

[zarla-s]

So after like ten years I decided to come back to my old project where I compared all the dubs of the L4D characters. I never did get around to doing L4D2! So I did Rochelle first because I love her and she’s deeply unappreciated in her time. This vid is her campaign dialogue, while this one has her more general dialogue.

I can’t remember much about the L4D1 dubs nowadays, but a LOT of lines got cut in the L4D2 dubs! She must come across as a totally different character in other languages, haha. I guess the heavy reliance on the context of the American South made some lines extremely hard to translate over...

Some of her lines that got cut:

Rochelle calling Coach my brother

Rochelle calling Ellis "Cooter" (they kept her calling him Heehaw though)

Almost all of Rochelle's interruptions of Ellis's stories

All the dialogue for when she joins a campaign (meaning, when someone joins your game and starts playing as her)

Rochelle teasing Nick about the Tunnel of Love

Rochelle complimenting Ellis on his shooting by saying he's the man and saying he "git er done"

Rochelle agreeing with Coach about Smokers, and correcting him about the name of Witches

Rochelle talking about fried okra and how creepy Little Peanut is

Rochelle talking about how she hates classic rock

Rochelle making fun of the Midnight Riders and their lyrics

Rochelle talking about cross-fit and tweeting

Rochelle teasing Ellis about how he'd win teddy bears for all the girls

Rochelle teasing Ellis about how he's too short for the rides

Rochelle talking about how she's never been to a tunnel of love

Rochelle teasing Coach about his stomach growling

Rochelle shooting Jimmy Gibbs down

Rochelle begging God not to let her die in Georgia

Rochelle bickering with Nick about whether or not she's loud

Rochelle claiming there's free hamhocks and chitlins in the safe room

Rochelle saying Coach has a heart of gold

Rochelle asking where the love is when she's about to die

Rochelle talking about playing possum when getting revived

Rochelle saying "not if you were the last man on earth... god, i hope i'm not the last woman on earth"

Rochelle telling Ellis to shoot the tank and not her

Rochelle begging Ellis not to go towards the light

Rochelle making a joke about being born in a barn

Rochelle snorting while she laughs, and going "oh no" while laughing

Rochelle teasing Ellis about his blood farmer comment (what's really weird is they kept the first line about blood farmers and then cut all the follow-up lines)

Rochelle being annoyed at Ellis forgetting the gun bag in Hard Rain

Rochelle being incredulous about having to go to an "old sugar mill"

Rochelle teasing about how yokels already had guns

Rochelle telling Nick to stop being a jerk

I left some of the undubbed lines in because I like them for one thing, but so you can hear them for yourself and make your own theories about why some lines got dubbed and some didn’t, haha.

[funface2]

Best Dick Jokes Through History – Why Sexual Comedy About Men Is Important – Esquire

Blake Griffin landed a dick joke about Caitlyn Jenner at the Comedy Central Roast of Alex Baldwin, which aired last weekend. “Caitlyn completed her gender reassignment in 2017, finally confirming that no one in that family wants a white dick,” he said to roars of laughter. Was the joke offensive? Racist? Hilarious? All of the above? For her part, Jenner took the dick joke in stride. “Caitlyn was down for it,” one of the writers of the roast said. “She was like, ‘Well, you know, I’m gonna hit hard. I want them to hit me hard.’ And so we did.”

Dick jokes have existed throughout history in nearly every culture known to man, from the greatest literature of all time—Shakespeare and James Joyce—to ancient graffiti. “Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!” some anonymous guy scrawled on the wall of a bar in the Roman city of Pompeii around 2,000 years ago. They have been staples of comedy for millennia for a reason: They’re nearly universally appealing.

“Whether you’re rich or poor or black or white, everyone laughs at a dick joke,” says comedian Aaron Berg, who hosts a recurring show at The Stand in New York City. (Berg also hosted a somewhat controversial, entirely satirical show called White Guys Matter that addressed some aspects of white male inadequacy.)

One comedian has elevated dick jokes to poetry, launching them into the realm of high art: Jacqueline Novak, whose one-woman off-Broadway show about blow jobs, Get on Your Knees, manages to make the dick joke both hilarious and high brow. She’s not the first woman to tell a dick joke, nor will she be the last, but she is perhaps the only one to devote a show almost entirely to the penis (with a few minutes sidetracking to ghosts) and be feted by The New York Times for doing so.

Novak, who has been called a “deeply philosophical urologist,” may represent a tipping point in dick jokes, because her show is finally allowing people to see the wisdom (yes, wisdom) in penis humor.

“I don’t even think of myself as like, interested in telling penis jokes. I certainly wouldn’t sit down and go, I’d love to do a show about penises,” Novak says. “I think it’s more like an investigation of my heterosexuality. Does [being heterosexual] mean I love the penis? I’m interested in the language that I’ve been expected to use or accept as legitimate about the penis. Here’s all the reasons that that’s ridiculous.”

Novak’s show is replete with riffs on our “ridiculous” penis language, from the fact that we say the penis is “rock hard”—”No geologist would ever say, this quartz is penis hard“—to the idea that the penis penetrates a woman—”You penetrate me? Fine, but I ate you, motherfucker! I chewed you up! Spit you out, and you loved every goddamn second of it.” In some ways, Novak is the perfect teller of the 21st century dick joke, not only because she is chronicling our hangups about the penis, but also because without a penis of her own, perhaps she is able to see the dick more clearly for what it is, in all its ridiculousness and beauty.

“You penetrate me? Fine, but I ate you, motherfucker! I chewed you up!”

But for the most part, phallic culture remains incoherent. Men are pilloried for exposing their dicks, while Euphoria is celebrated for its 30-penis episode; dick pics are critiqued like Picassos or seen as a public menace; judging a man by the size of his penis is perfectly acceptable or grossly objectifying; porn covers every inch of the internet, yet Facebook won’t accept ads for dildos. Dick jokes are still looked down on as cheap—to be fair, some of them are blatantly bad—but some comics say that isn’t always fair.

“Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone’s ever heard. And funny in a way that like, opens your mind up even,” says comedian Sean Patton. “That’s the most important kind of comedy, where you laugh at something to the point where you’re now a little more accepting of it. And that can range from anything to other people’s sexual orientation to accepting your own mental illness.” Patton’s own extended dick joke, “Cumin” on Comedy Central’s This Is Not Happening, has been viewed over 2 million times on YouTube.

Jacqueline Novak performs at the 2019 Clusterfest in June.

Jeff KravitzGetty Images

Novak uses the blow job to critique cultural expectations of masculinity and the pressure women feel to become skilled at sexually pleasing men. “The teeth shaming starts early, of course,” she says in her show. “If you have your full set of teeth…don’t go into a room where a penis is. It’s not safe for him. Why would you put him at risk?”

Patton likens the dick joke to a “Trojan horse” of comedy. “You make them laugh hard at dick jokes, now they’re listening,” he says. “Then you can throw in something a little more meaningful, and they’re on board.”

Not that all dick jokes need to be intellectual to be taken seriously. The song “D*** in a Box” by The Lonely Island, featuring Justin Timberlake, won an Emmy. It turns out the concept wasn’t exactly new. “Decades before The Lonely Island, B.S. Pully was doing that in the ’40s and ’50s,” comedy historian Kliph Nesteroff says. “Pully would be holding a cigar box at his groin, walking down the aisle. [He would] start a show saying, ‘Cigar, would you like a cigar?’ Then he would lift up the lid, and there was a hole cut in there, and his dick was hanging out. The audience would go crazy.”

Dick jokes continue to thrive off audience reactions, according to several comedians I talked to. Bonnie McFarlane, who is best known for her appearance on Last Comic Standing and her Netflix documentary Women Aren’t Funny, began telling dick jokes when she started out in 1995. “You tell dick jokes because it’s a very male audience, so that’s what they want to hear about,” she says. “It’s been a thing since comedy started. People can really kill if they’re just doing dick jokes.” But there is a double standard, she says, when female comics are made fun of “for talking about their vaginas too much.”

That Novak, a female comic, is revolutionizing the dick joke makes sense, considering that historically, “the vanguard for so-called dick jokes and sexual material comes first and foremost from women rather than men,” Nesteroff says. He points to female comics Rusty Warren, Belle Barth, Pearl Williams, and LaWanda Page as “probably the four quote-unquote ‘dirtiest’ comedians of the ’50s and ’60s, more so than Lenny Bruce, more so than Redd Foxx.”

LaWanda Page performs for The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast in 1978.

NBCGetty Images

He also says African Americans pushed dick jokes further than any other ethnicity. African-American comedian Page’s albums from the 1970s were rich with dick jokes, referencing “the size of the man, the endurance of the man,” Nesteroff says. As Page recites in her 1973 comedy album Pipe Layin’ Dan: “Husband, dear husband, now don’t be a fool/you’ve worked on the night shift ’til you’ve ruined your tool/you’d better go hungry the rest of your life/than to bring home a pecker so soft to your wife.”

“LaWanda [told] dick jokes for the same reasons a lot of black comics do, because they had to come up in the chitlin circuit, which is basically comedy clubs or bars or places where only black audiences mainly go,” says comedian Harris Stanton, who has toured with Tracy Morgan. “When I started comedy [in 1999] I started in the chitlin circuit,” he continues. “Urban comedy became this big explosion in the United States. A lot of the young black comics couldn’t get into a lot of mainstream clubs, so they would have to perform wherever they could, and dick jokes were welcome to those places.”

African Americans were pioneers of the dick joke, but they definitely weren’t the only ethnic group telling them. Three of the other female sex-joke pioneers Nesteroff mentioned were Jewish. Pearl Williams was known for roasting overweight men when they entered the comedy club by asking, “How long has it been since you’ve seen your dick?” Lenny Bruce, one of the most famous Jewish comedians, was arrested for saying schmuck on stage in 1962. Seven years later, another famous American Jew, Philip Roth, published Portnoy’s Complaint, which is essentially a 274-page dick joke, or so some claim.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen your dick?”

“I probably owe a debt to Philip Roth that I’m not even fully aware of,” says Novak, who is Jewish. She references him directly in her show, joking, “I went off to college feeling good. It’s a Catholic-ish college. Lots of virgin boys scurrying around, scrambling for sexual experience at parties. Not me. I’m a Jew and I did the coursework in high school, so I felt like a Philip Roth figure. A Jewish pervert ready to teach.”

Jewish male comics may be drawn to dick jokes, according to Berg, who is Jewish, because, “the fact that our penises were intruded upon at a very young age probably gives us a fixation on it and makes us want to talk about it more.”

Dr. Jeremy Dauber, the Atran professor of Yiddish language, literature, and culture at Columbia University and author of Jewish Comedy, traces Jewish dick jokes all the way back to the Bible. The earliest case of laughter in Jewish tradition is Sarah’s laughter when she’s told that her 100-year-old husband Abraham will give her a child. It is “a laughter about male impotence,” Dauber says.

But comedians aren’t just laughing at penises anymore. Novak is going in the opposite direction. “I’m trying to restore [the penis] to true dignity.” Will her intellectual blow job jokes allow the dick joke to be taken more seriously? Will future comedians have to deal with the flack that Patton still gets in his reviews?

“Even like positive reviews, sometimes they’ll still point out there’s also a lot of cock, cock cock,” he says. “Why do you have to make sure everyone knows that you thought some of the subject matter was lowbrow?” He thinks reviewers roll their eyes at his dick talk because “everyone constantly is terrified that those around them don’t think that they’re that smart.”

Comedy is one of the only art forms that allows us to talk about male genitalia so openly and democratically. Whatever form the dick joke takes, from idiotic to intellectual, from poetry to prop comedy, as long as it gets a laugh, it should be celebrated. And there’s no better way to diffuse the angst surrounding the modern-day penis than a well-crafted dick joke. The more we laugh about penises (and not just at them), the happier the world might be.

Hallie Lieberman Hallie Lieberman is a sex historian and journalist, and the author of “Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy.”  

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Bài viết Best Dick Jokes Through History – Why Sexual Comedy About Men Is Important – Esquire đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

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[missnotsorad]

Day 4 of school, day 1 of my husband going back to work.

Not that I don't enjoy my alone time, but I'm really going to be missing my family today. My little guy is at school, and the husband is leaving in an hour for work. We've established such an awesome family routine over the past three days. School time is such a blessing because it really helped me with a schedule.

I start work in a week and a half; I'm pretty excited. I have my moments of "ah, shit, I don't get to spend time at home with bubs, anymore." But then I have moments of "Woot, another paycheck!!" I'm a little torn about it, but determined to make the best of it!

My dog has had issues with separation anxiety. It's become pretty significant over the past week. Maybe I'm not spending enough time with her? I'm not sure. I'm determined to make sure she gets a scheduled walk daily, too. I can admit the last week has been hard, but I can forgive it because I was preparing the chitlin' for school. She seems content with our time together when we play in the house or lay around, but I think she's just a good pupper and is maintaining her behavior. She definitely deserves a fun day.

Anyway,

That's my life. Not a shit-ton going on, but it's not a bad thing. I'd say I've come a long way from where I was when bubs started Kindergarten. I have it a bit more handled. 😉

[best-comedy-shows-in-vegas]

History of Standup Comedy

What is comedy?

A description of Shakespearean plays featuring angst with a happy ending? A sitcom with dry and clever humor? A very dedicated person on a microphone sharing humor skits to an audience?

All are true!

Okay, but who was the pivotal person who got up on stage and started monologuing jokes to an audience? Who was the pioneer to standup comedy?

Many prefer to say Frank Fay is that person. Frank was an American vaudeville comedian and stage/film actor who...wasn't known for his outstanding personality…

To put it bluntly, people hated him. And with his bigotry and arrogantly nasty attitude towards everyone he interacted with—they had perfectly good reason to! But he, somehow, paved the way for others to pursue what we call today, standup comedy. There was also another alongside him--Lenny Bruce.

Ironically, both of them were mobsters.

You can tell this was something new

In Lenny's case, as being one of the first stand up comedians, he covered many subjects and didn't skimp on sincerity and realism. This blunt method of delivery got him labeled as a “sick comic”, and he was eventually blacklisted from TV, and banned from cities.

Lenny's honesty and delivery really paved the way

Jackie Mabley, aka Loretta Mary Aiken, was also one of the earlier standup comedians who fleshed out the genre. Claimed to be “The Funniest Woman in the World”, she appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. She was one of the most successful performers for the Chitlin' Circuit, of whom she was a vaudeville veteran with.

"Moms" Mabley gettin' down with the comedy

The style was later shaped into an art form, and then a way of life for many. Now, there are comedians all over the entire world! If I may be so biased, some of the best comedy is Las Vegas comedy. When you get past the glitz, glam, tourist traps and casinos, once you slip into a seat and let the relaxing atmosphere expand around you, you'll realize Las Vegas stand up comedy are some of the best comedy shows in Vegas—in anywhere!

But why should you even believe me?

In fact, you shouldn't—because my experiences aren't what yours will be. Have fun enjoying your own things to do in Las Vegas! (Just don't forget to swing by a comedy club, while visiting!)

[kantuck]

Well, I wanted to wait till I had a chance to actually go to Tyson and see and talk to the people about the job, before I responded to everyone here on the last question. "Making a transition" It's not as bad as I suspected. #1 Theo-Wizzago warned me to the fact that one he worked in, was a slaughterhouse. Thankfully this plant isn't one, I asked the lady who was giving the tour right out if it was. Specifying that if so, I would not be interested and a tour is not needed. The others was surprised but I stuck with my guns. It's mealy a processing and assembly plant. #2 The plant is about average from looks; it has it's safety aspects and no where we was taken showed anything out of the ordinary (I didn't see anything dealing with Soylent Green, or books lying around with titles like 'How to cook for humans') #3 Cleanliness on the other paw was somewhat problematic. One pureeing pipe must have had a break, as there was liquid meat puddled around one joint. Also chunks of raw meat was on the floor in several places. I assume that that is cleaned up periodically since all looked quite fresh, and it smelled ok. Not a rotting smell or such. Oddly on that note. One section that was early in the tour, had a distinct oder of cows. This was the beef processing area and I raised it with the tour guide and she couldn't understand why. They only process the internal elements, and bone and hide isn't even brought there. Perhaps I spotted something they're not aware of. #4 The temperature IS cool, but not as severe as I thought. I had a jacket on, so it was comfortable (especially as soon as I outside, the outside air was like 95! Oooooofff!) and anyone who knows Kentucky weather. It's "Air you can wear" at times. #5 The ambulant  sound levels was so bad that I barely could hear the tour guide yelling at us. Of course we had on ear protection but still. That may be a problem with me, since good hearing is a part of situational awareness. #7 If this plant wasn't unionized. I'd walked as well for I know VERY WELL what happens to employees at companies that think more of their stockholders, and their overpaid upper management than the people who actually make the things they sell! Trust me, I come from coal country, and what I learned and wrote in college about the coal companies would make you spit fire, and ready to kill. One strange thing: Now my conflict with this is; while coming home I started feeling something really odd: As if FINALLY things are improving and I'm scared that it'll blow up in my face. Honestly a few times I had fight the feeling of crying. Not in the plant but over time while driving home it came up on me; not a sad theme, but in something else. I can't explain what I was feeling. Maybe I need to speak to Rebecca my therapist. Ok -- the fun part. It starts at 14.40 an hour, with quarterly raises till 19.85 per hour. Meaning in a year I could be making approximately $60k a year. WHAT THE HOME-FRIED HELL WILL I DO WITH THAT SORT OF SCRATCH? Honestly, the most I ever made in my life is about $30k a year. At the time I was hemorrhage money, with rent, car payments and the works. and I'm so frugal, I make my own cleaning supplies, and buy from 2nd and 3rd hand clothing stores. I rarely buy brand new CDs, and DVDS (Yes, I'm not one that throws money away on every subscription out there.)   Cars? It's like Ray Stevens wrote "Buddy, what's she worth?" "Well it all depends, Slick" I said, "depends on what?" "Depends on how much gas you got in the tank!" That's my cars Maybe that's another aspect of that odd feeling. At the moment I see the following steps If and after I get paid. I go to the vet first - I'm getting a stress test, colaguard, and get a few minor nagging problems that I've had for so long but put off since it's not life-threaten. Vet for my dogs Then the car needs it's own vet. Jaxs needs to be fully checked over, new tires, brakes, and the like. It's a Toyota Rav6 but it's 9 years old. After that, it's all a matter of savings, and investment until I'm ready for my home. Hey, I just thought of something. I can finally afford some purely luxury items I've wanted for a LONG time. Such as: https://xforcepc.com/english/g1000-.....ge-deluxe.html (drool) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3l3wY1wemM -- Naw...too impractical, unless I was in Appalachian next to one of the mountains with unobstructed views. But GODS how dark it is! But a 12"? 16" heck thrown on an observatory, cameras... not to mention I'll be able to commission artists whom I've always admired but couldn't even dream of such. Then of course there is writers, such as Lei-lani as well. I'll just have to think about things like that after I'm done with the first three things above. Not to mention my main goal; my home, back home in a hollar. I want that fast enough so I can enjoy it. Oh couple of things I saw while out: #1: I saw an incredibly rare sight! I knew immediately what it was when I came up to it - https://bringatrailer.com/listing/1.....t-corvette-10/ This split window was only produced 1 year due to it being a bit dangerous since it blocked the view. But gods that was a beautiful sight. First time I ever saw one! :) #2 At the plant's entrance someone had pulled over because their front wheel broke, and was turned 90 degrees. I stopped and asked if they needed help. Said that they got a tow truck coming, and the plant has been alerted to tell the drivers to be careful. I told them of the time my mother and I was out and the wheel did the same on our car. Thankfully we was turning into a Walmart when it happen at a very low speed. It still scares me to this day that happening at speed! So, how long will I stay, if I go for this? I don't know honestly. I'd prefer something closer to home now; an hour drive isn't my favorite thing. Working around raw meats is another unpleasant. (I saw huge 100g or so tubs of intestine's (and no I'm no fan of chitlins) 10 hour shifts too. It all may depend on what happens I guess. So after all this, I still have to give them my answer Monday so...