missing-poster-pieces-deadacc

[missing-poster-pieces-deadacc]

How many times have I told you no?

I’ve said no before

I’ll say no again

You try to love me

But it’s not what I need

Please stop

No

Don’t hug me

You think you have rights to me

You think you can touch me

“We’re family”

Now I’m stressing out in the bathroom

Dry crying in the floor

I can’t get the feeling of you off of my skin

I can still feel the pressure on back

Of where you rested your face

No

Please don’t hug me

No, please

How many times have I told you no before?

Why haven’t you listened?

[missing-poster-pieces-deadacc]

Noticed Scars

They offhandedly asked how I got the scratches on my leg

I lifted my head and gave them a long stare

They cocked their head to the side, as if to say

“Does that mean what I think it means?”

And a long silence followed, like the ones in indie movies where they accidentally make the pauses too long

He never mentioned it again

[missing-poster-pieces-deadacc]

The first time I realized I had blended in

The first time I realized I had blended in

Was in the eighth grade

I was talking with a friend

And I noticed that she had meat instead of arms

And they were butchered

I didn’t want to call her out

Or make her uncomfortable

So when I got home that day

I texted her and asked her if everything was okay

I told her if she ever needed to talk

I was there

She replied like how you answer someone who asks how your day was

And you say you’re fine

Because everyone knows that there’s really only one correct answer

But I was not in the mood for pleasantries

If she felt like putting her heart on a plate

I would have let her

I know that I would’ve loved someone to consume my story

So I offered to eat hers whole

She said she was fine

She didn’t understand I wasn’t asking for small talk

But I guess that’s fine

She didn’t lay out her words like crushed poems

And that’s fine

She didn’t look fine

But when someone says they’re fine you do not ask again

We talked a little more

And she mentioned having to hide her scars

She said it was hard

I told her that I could relate

And she reasponded

What?

She had no clue that I was like her

I was broken in large places

In hard to reach corners of a crowded room

My skin had healed and stitched me up

Most wounds were fresher than others

Some had faded with time

But I was like her nonetheless

It baffled me she saw me as another human

Just another happy being

Going about their day

I always thought I wore my depression like a neon sign

Wrapped around the neck of a parrot, screaming

“Look at me! Look at me! I need a therapist! I cut in the shower!”

But that’s not how I look

I wondered what she thought of me

Did she think I was pristine before?

Did I become more human?

Was I now a peer rather than a far off someone

Who is so alike to you

Yet so far from your experiences?

I don’t remember if I thought her knowing I was like her

Was a positive thing

Was I happy that people thought I was normal?

Or was I sad because if no one notices my pain

How am I ever going to get help?