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verannaca · 5 years ago

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Some Things Change

Hello

here’s an angsty emotional kristanna drabble

i wrote this in the shower on my phone so it’s probably lazy??? idk

(this does contain/reflect major Frozen 2 spoilers, so please beware)

He didn't understand what could have possibly possessed her to run onto that dam. It was an accident. It had to be. Mattias had almost grabbed her hand. Almost. But almost didn't count. It didn't matter that their fingers touched. It didn't matter that she was petrified. Seemingly alone in the world, Kristoff is left to ask himself: "what now?"

***Fic contains emotional trauma, mention of panic attacks, mention of sex, & mentions of death, loss, and grief.

XXXXX

When we ask for change, it doesn't happen. When we're desperate for something new, it doesn't come. Change comes when we least expect it. When we need it the least. When we're at our worst. And it's never a good change, is it? It's always something we're not prepared for. Something we'd never expect. Something that was never meant to happen.

Isn't that true?

It had to be true. There couldn't be an alternative. If there was, things would be different. Life would be good. The world wouldn't be empty; meaningless.

The future was calling. It was so loud; it was certain to come. Things were looking up. Everything was perfect.

And then...

Well, then things were the opposite of perfect. Suddenly, there was no future. Suddenly, without warning, nothing mattered anymore.

He didn't understand. None of it made sense. Her actions. Her expressions. Her behaviour. It was so not her. She was reckless. Dangerous. Moving faster than usual. Everything happened too quickly. She was right there. And then she was gone.

He didn't understand what could have possibly possessed her to run onto that dam. It was obvious that her plan was working; it was going to fall. Could she have possibly intended on falling with it?

No. Of course not. She was stronger than that. Whatever she'd face—whatever she'd endured that made her behave so recklessly—nothing was strong enough to take her down for good.

It was a mistake. An accident. It had to be.

Mattias had almost grabbed her hand. Almost. But almost didn't count. It didn't matter that their fingers touched. It didn't matter that she was close enough to him that he could hear the panic in her breathing. It didn't matter that she was petrified. It didn't matter.

The stone broke beneath them. She didn't jump far enough. He didn't grab her.

Kristoff had run to the edge to help; he'd almost grabbed her, too. But he didn't. He couldn't. Instead, they were doomed to watch helplessly as she fell. She didn't fall far before the water swept her away.

The world went dark then.

They watched the waves go on. They knew it was over. All was lost.

Hours had passed before Mattias convinced Kristoff to return with them. He'd forgotten about the initial mission. The forest. Did it matter now? Did anything matter now?

It was on the quiet journey back that things began to make sense. Mattias had relayed the initial message.

"My sister gave her life for the truth."

She was gone. They were gone. How could that happen? How could they be gone? They were just there.

Anna knew. That's why she was reckless. She was grieving. Again. She'd lost everything. Again. But she kept going. Because that's what she does. That's what she always does. The next right thing.

But what was right about this?

It was an accident. He couldn't stay mad. He wasn't mad at her. Even though, now he had nothing. Everything fell when she did.

She didn't want to fall. She was scared. She scared herself. She became aware of her actions. She tried to save herself. But it was too late.

He paid no attention to the people of the forest. He didn't know what came next, though it didn't truly matter. There was no home to return to. Nothing left of hers to hold on to. Just a ring—a ring that she never saw.

He'd made his way to another cliff-side, looking out over the open sea. He had wondered if they'd ever find her, but he quickly shook away such thoughts.

He kept thinking about the time they'd met. They weren't particularly nostalgic people, but they loved to reflect on and appreciate their relationship. They'd always had a giggled over their first exchange; they'd assumed most couples had a romantic first meeting, with quotable first words, but they didn't.

"Carrots."

"Huh? Oh! Excuse me."

It made him smile. He remembered the first time they'd truly talked; she was demanding and authoritative, but it was as if she was unsure of her own ability to have authority. She wanted to be demanding, but she also had to be polite. It was in her genes. Their journey up the mountain became more memorable as they'd spent more time together. They'd been alone in the woods for days before he had to return her to her kingdom and leave her behind. Then, on that same day, as he'd realised just how much she truly meant to him—she was gone. He never thought that would be the first time. That was supposed to be the only time.

Yet here he was again; except she wasn't there to stare at. She wasn't there to watch and mourn. There was nothing left of her.

No family. No belongings. No bedroom. No home. Nothing. Just a memory; one that would soon become distant.

They lived together for three years. He remembered the first time she suggested he move in. He declined politely; living in a castle just wasn't quite for him. But he began to miss her during those long nights. Their connection developed faster than they originally wanted it to. They'd agreed to take things slow. She was battling her own insecurities, and her own self-distrust, and he was understanding of that. Plus, in the beginning, she needed time to reconnect with Elsa.

It was good that they stayed apart. It helped them focus on creating a base. They wanted to, above all else, be friends. Best friends. It was easy. And also, incredibly difficult. They wanted each other. Badly. Their anxieties began to falter as they began to realise that their feelings were real. They weren't just new and hormonal. They were falling head-over-heels for each other.

He remembered the first time they'd made love. It was significant to him; not because of the sex, but because of the connection. They'd been nervous at first; right before it started, they'd stopped to mutually check in with each other. They agreed to be real. It was awkward. Gods, was it awkward. But that made them laugh at and with each other. They kept talking; asking questions, talking too fast—anything to be present. Anything to make the other person happy. Of course, there was plenty of romance. Many moments of silence. Moments when all that could be heard was breathing and moaning. They'd stayed in private for a while; after they'd finished, they talked about their near future. They were both desperate for confirmation that this was going to last. Anna had an irrational fear of being used- she'd quickly apologised for suggesting such a thing, but Kristoff was understanding. He was afraid that she'd find a real prince and move on unbothered. He had no idea how he came to deserve her. But he was beginning to learn: it isn't about deserve.

Oh, what he'd do to hold her again. To wrap his arms around her petite body, and hold her head close to his chest. How badly he wanted to run his hands through her thick, auburn hair. He could stare into her aqua eyes for an eternity.

But he'd never get to again.

And the two closest things to Anna, were gone.

Now what?

He opened his eyes for a moment. He needed to check in with reality; he knew he couldn't live in memories. He saw something coming across the water, moving at a high rate of speed.

Elsa.

A small mercy.

He'd quickly made his way down the rocks, standing on the beach to wait for her. She arrived quickly; sliding off the Nokk, and moved swiftly towards him. She smiled; "Where's Anna? I have something to tell her."

But her smile faded as she saw the silent tears. Her heart began to beat at an unnatural pace. She'd known Kristoff for nearly just as long as Anna had, though of course not as well. She knew how to read him, and these were not tears of joy or relief.

No. Elsa was a reminder of what was lost. He'd never noticed before just how similar they looked. The big, round eyes, the button nose, the light dusting of freckles that covered her nose and cheeks—they weren't identical to Anna, but at that time, in that moment; all he could see was her.

"Anna?" Elsa had prompted, voice beginning to shake.

The world came rushing back to him. His heart broke all over again as he realised that he'd now have to tell Elsa that her sister was gone again. And this time, love couldn't save her. He tried to find the words, but couldn't. What was he to say?

He didn't have to say anything. Elsa knew instantly. Her legs trembled beneath her, and just as she began to fall, Kristoff scooped her into a tight embrace. They wrapped their arms around each other, and sobbed.

This was the end. It was the end of everything they'd known; everything they'd fought for. Much of their own relationship was founded by their mutual love for Anna.

It wasn't supposed to go this way. She wasn't supposed to be the one to die. Not again. That's not fair. She's too good for this world. Too powerful. Too strong. Surely, she was okay.

Elsa let out a scream she didn't know she was holding in. It echoed against the rocks, bouncing off the water. Kristoff held her tighter, forcing the air out of her lungs. She wheezed under the pressure, but fell limp. Her eyes opened halfway and stared blankly at the rocks.

Kristoff kept his eyes shut tight. He had a handful of Elsa's loose hair; the other hand firmly grasping around her ribcage. Surely, he was hurting her; pulling against her head, and stabbing her side with his fingers. Neither of them seemed to notice. It didn't matter. She was alive after all.

She was alive after all.

Did Anna die for nothing? Her behaviour, her grief—was it all for nothing? Was she simply mistaken?

It was his turn to break down—he wasn't really the “emotional kind” around anyone other than Anna, but this was simply too much. This pain was too much.

Then, a voice broke into their world. Mattias was calling to them.

It took every ounce of his energy to release Elsa and turn around; she fell limp, head falling hard as his shoulder moved out from under her chin. She barely caught herself. Kristoff looked up, holding up a hand to shield his eyes from the sun.

Mattias was gesturing for them to come back up. "It's the Princess!"

That's not fair. Kristoff looked at Elsa, who was sitting silently, shaking. Her head was hung low; tears stained her cheeks.

He'd figured he was dreaming. Maybe he'd dosed off while holding her. Mattias wouldn't play games like that. It was a trick.

And then they heard it.

That delicate, but loud voice. It echoed from above them as it called his name. "KRISTOFF!"

Kristoff would've ignored it if it weren't for the fact that Elsa's head shot up.

That's not possible.

Then, he remembered the spirits. It occurred to him in that moment that maybe—just maybe—the spirits saved Anna.

Before he could truly come to his senses, Elsa was already running. He watched her go for a moment before his brain was able to catch up; then he fell to his feet and sprinted to follow.

Elsa climbed up those rocks faster than she'd ever moved before. She knew Kristoff was right behind her. They got to the surface and helped each other to their feet; their hands found each other and held on tight, as their eyes searched the area.

Then he saw her. She was a distance away, but he knew. He just knew. He practically screamed her name as he bolted towards her. She spun around and did the same as she began to run in his direction.

Elsa stayed still for a moment, breathing heavily. She was disoriented. This wasn't how she thought they'd be reunited. But that didn't matter. Anna is alive. Elsa quickly ran after them.

Kristoff and Anna collided with such force, they spun and fell to the ground. Their arms found their way around each other as they cried.

"I didn't mean it; I didn't mean it!" "I know—I know, Anna!" "I'm so sorry—I just needed to do what was right, and—" "It's okay; everything's okay now."

They pulled out of their embrace, just enough to look each other in the eye. Anna didn't hesitate to kiss him; it was more passionate than it would've been if they'd known Elsa had been watching.

Anna apologised again and again, but Kristoff only told her it was okay as he ran his hands over her drenched hair, soon cupping her face in his hands. She was cold to the touch—he couldn't tell if she was shivering from the cold, or her adrenaline.

"Anna, Anna—" he interrupted her fast-paced words with a gentle but urgent tone. "Turn around."

She sniffled, taking a few shaky breaths as her brain processed his words. "What?"

"Turn around," he said, voice and expression now calm and relieved.

She slowly looked over her shoulder, then spun and fell as she saw her sister standing a few feet behind her. She stared for a moment, and Elsa crouched down, resting her knees on the grass. She leaned towards her sister with wide, teary eyes; "Anna? Y-you're okay?"

Anna wanted to scream in that moment, but she refrained from doing so. Instead, she let out a sob-filled laugh and crawled towards her sister. They pulled themselves into each other's arms, hugged each other tighter than ever, and sobbed together.

"I thought I'd lost you!" "Lost me?! You saved me! Again." "But you were gone! Olaf melted, and—" "I had to go deep to find the answers; I'm so sorry I scared you—the spirits returned their gift once you did what was right!"

Anna pulled out if the embrace to look her sister in the face. "Do you have any idea what you did to me?! The pain! The last time we saw each other, we were fighting! I was so angry, Elsa! And you left me!"

Kristoff grabbed Anna's arms from behind. It was a calming embrace. It let her know she wasn't alone anymore. She was okay. She relaxed a bit under his touch.

"I know, I know," Elsa quickly defended. She held on tight to her sister, keeping a hold on one hand, and keeping her other hand on Anna's cheek. "I should've handled things differently; I just got so caught up—I didn't realise at the time." She choked, coughing as she tried to calm down. Her breath hitched and she felt a panic-attack coming on. "I just wanted to protect you."

"What am I supposed to do without you?"

Anna's voice was so soft and broken that it physically hurt both Elsa and Kristoff. They exchanged a look, then realised Anna was talking to both of them. She leaned back, falling into Kristoff's embrace, and as she fell, she pulled Elsa in close to her chest. "I need you." Her voice was barely a whisper.

Kristoff pulled her closer, putting a hand on Elsa, too. He tried to stay silent, but couldn't. His frustration was returning. He put his hand under Anna's chin and forced her to look up at him; "what are we supposed to do without you? Huh? I watched you fall, Anna! I thought you were dead!"

Anna began to cry again. She nodded in understanding, then a wave of guilt rushed through her. She made Kristoff feel the same way Elsa had made her feel. She sat up, forcing Elsa to do the same. Then she turned to her boyfriend, and gave him a proper hug. He returned it, grateful.

Elsa was able to relax, although her own guilt was beginning to consume her. Had she been selfish? Did she really make Anna suffer? Again?

When they pulled out of the hug, they kissed one last time. "I'm sorry I left you behind," Anna said softly, keeping a gentle hand on his cheek. He could see the sadness in her eyes. This grief wasn't over yet—Elsa returning didn't end her suffering. "I was just so desperate to protect her."

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he said, words quick but voice soft. He gently ran his thumbs under her eyes to rid her cheeks of the tears. He offered the gentlest smile, and told her; "my love is not fragile."

Elsa gently put her hand on Anna's shoulder, getting the couple's attention. Anna sniffled again before she asked; "did you find what you were looking for?"

Elsa smiled warmly, but it had a tension to it. She took a deep breath and said, "yes. But it was right in front of me the entire time."

The redhead returned a similar smile and sighed. Was it relief? Or frustration? "And the fifth spirit?"

"Well..."

"Oh." It all made sense. "You are the fifth spirit. You're the bridge."

Elsa took Anna's hands, "yes, but the thing is... a bridge has two sides. And mother had two daughters."

Anna smiled for real this time.

"We did this together," Elsa reminded.

They remained in silence for a moment. Kristoff kept Anna close, partially in attempt to warm her up.

"Anna, I have to ask you a question."

The redhead tilted her head to the side; "yes?"

Elsa's voice was warm; "do you wanna build a snowman?"

"What?" She was dumbfounded.

But Elsa stood, and she and Kristoff helped Anna to her feet. Then, Elsa closed her eyes and made a wish. It took a few beats, but eventually the flurries met them, and began to form a familiar figure on the ground nearby. Anna grabbed at the strap of her satchel— she'd tried desperately to hold onto it as she crashed through the frigid water. Thankfully, none of its contents were lost.

As the snow took its shape, Anna hurried over and began to put the pieces back together. And soon, their frozen friend returned.

Anna didn't hesitate to hug him close. Kristoff and Elsa soon joined.

This. Exactly this. This is okay.

But even despite this joy—this relief. This miracle. Elsa and Anna were beginning to wonder the same thing that Kristoff just couldn't get past.

What now?

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