#haurchefant: I can fix her

[meximango]

Day 11 - once bitten, twice shy - PG - Cahsi + Haurchefant

Summary: Haurchefant interrupts Cahsi's work. She is not the friendliest.

--

The sound of a cup of hot cocoa being placed heavily onto the table near her piles of books brought Cahsi out of her own head. She had a feeling the cup would have been set directly onto her papers she’d been staring at blankly and uncomprehendingly for the past quarter bell if she wasn’t known to lash out when startled--sometimes violently. It would have served no one well to have the desk covered in the steaming, sugary drink. Just think of the poor books! She looked up to find exactly who she expected: Haurchefant, the only friendly face in this gods-forsaken snowy wasteland. One of the only people who hadn’t tried calling her a heretic. Certainly the only person to try offering her food with an actual taste to it (Ishgard’s cuisine was not for her). 

Rather than being a balm on wounds, or a reassuring presence, the man’s kindness set her on edge, raising the hair on her tail whenever he was a bit too friendly. She was always stuck waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Too often in her experience, such boundless kindness was a front, just a way for someone to try to manipulate themselves into getting something out of her. She’d rather someone be upfront in their malicious intentions, get it over with. Perhaps spending half a decade in the pirate capital and finding herself hanging around seedy establishments and just as often working for them as a waitress had not helped her biases, but she hadn’t been wrong yet.

Nice people could not be trusted. They either played the long con before finally stabbing you in the back fully, or in the rare circumstances where they were truly good, truly kind, where did that get them? It got them destroyed and betrayed. Look what had happened with the scions, just when she’d started to feel like she might fit in with them one day, when she’d started to grow attached… Well, no more of that. Once bitten, twice shy. She’d learned her lesson. Everyone would leave her again, everything would get taken away from her again. First her birth parents, then her adoptive dad, then the rest of her family, now the scions. It was an unrelenting and unavoidable pattern, so she would make it easier on herself. When she had nothing to begin with, nobody to care about, then there could be nothing to lose, and that meant keeping people at arm’s length. Especially “nice” people who brought her hot cocoa unprompted and smiled sweetly and asked about her day like he actually cared. It took a lot of willpower to push the drink away, especially when she noticed it had little marshmallows in it (be strong, Cahsi!). She was just about as picky about what she imbibed as what she ate, and this was unfortunately one of the favorite things she’d tried while in this land. She was a sucker for sweets, and it would do a wonderful job of staving off the biting cold--she hadn’t realized how numb her fingertips were until she had touched them to the mug to slide it back across the desk toward the elezen who had been quite presumptuous to bring it in the first place. She did her best to level him with a cool, unappreciative stare. “Perhaps Alphinaud would be a better suited recipient for such a drink. I have no need of it.” Ha. Not even a thanks. That would teach him. Maybe he’d finally give up trying to befriend her and just leave her alone. 

(Then again, she really thought she deterred him for good when she nearly attacked him in the midst of a panic attack after he’d revealed the thoughtful ‘gift’ of a black chocobo he had raised himself, demanding he take it away and stay away from her before she did something rash. She had outright refused to ride that blasted bird, barely looking at it before she instead summoned her carbuncle with a little extra oomph, making Rosie large enough to ride through the skies. Honestly, who thought such a dangerous, taloned, beast would be a good present. She saw it as the threat it was and would have nightmares for weeks--to think that some breed of chocobo could fly!)

He grinned at that, as though she’d told a joke. What in the hells. “Very kind of you to think of him, but no worries. I already gave him a mug of his own. If you change your mind, it’ll be here. It seemed like you could use a pick-me-up, was all. You’ve been hard at work!” Instead of leaving, like any sane person who’s being treated as coldy as the weather outside, the knight pulled back a chair and sat diagonally to her at the table. He crossed his arms on the wooden surface casually, that smile never leaving his face. She moved her tower of books to block his face from view, but he just leaned to the side to continue eye contact. Cahsi’s ears flattened a bit against her head. “Are you waiting to be excused? If so, then you are. Have at it.” She almost considered added shooing motions to really get her point across and through his apparently thick skull. “I’m on break. Even knights get those, and who better to spend it with than an esteemed hero such as yourself?” He waggled his eyebrows. Not a hero, she wanted to bite out. A hero would be able to save her frie--colleagues instead of running away. Maybe she should have said it, sour his mood, make him regret sauntering over here with his banal flirting. Go hit on someone who cares, yeesh. “I think you mean heretic. It's still everyone's favorite word around here, from what I can tell. If I hadn’t fallen down witchdrop early on in my stay, I’m sure the local guards would have thrown me down there themselves.” “And yet, here you are enjoying the city’s resources, free from further harassment--” Her raised eyebrow was effective in making him stutter; he put his hands up in mock surrender. “--a-apart from me, of course, ha. You proved yourself to them. They don’t say such things anymore, no matter what you may believe. They think you’re a bit…impersonal, bordering on rude--but that you’re dependable too! You may grumble plenty about a job, but you don’t really say no to lending a helping hand when it’s truly needed, either.” 

He was always so quick to smooth out a sharp statement with a soft one. A chaser.  She wished he’d spare the flattery, she wouldn’t break just because some stuffy arseholes had a low opinion of her and saw her as little more than a task master. Alphinaud was the diplomat in the group, she was there to provide the firepower. And to go on fetch quests, apparently. “How fortunate for me they’ve grown comfortable enough to ask even more of me.” Her words dripped with sarcasm. “I have more important things to do than be stopped by every poor sod with a sob story, you know.”  “Hmm.” There was a thoughtfulness to that word, so much there that wasn’t being said. She jumped to every worst conclusion possible, every uncharitable meaning, and it made her blood pressure rise. Like so many things these days, it made her angry. “What does that mean, ‘hmm’, hmm?” She began to bare her fangs in warning. “Oh, not so much as you are assigning it, I’m sure. You are just so easy and fun to rile up. I came over here to relieve some of your stress, but it seems I’ve added some fire to your soul instead!” At that, he finally laughed. 

Her chair screeched against the tile as she stood up, ready to either fight him or walk away, she was not sure which would win out. That finally alarmed him. He hadn’t meant to make her leave. He’d interrupted her, and he regretted that it was coming to this. She couldn’t help but relish the sudden frown on his face, even as it made her feel a bit guilty at the same time. 

“Wait.” A request, a hint of pleading. Missing the teasing tone, pure sincerity. “I do like teasing, but you are not in the mood. I apologize. May I start over?” Why was he trying so hard? People gave up so quickly and easily when she was like this, but Haurchefant was different. He seemed apologetic, even though he hadn’t really done anything. Cahsi just had a short fuse for much of anything these days. 

She gave a silent nod of assent, and the way his eyes lit up like that was embarrassing. What a pathetic guy. She shouldn’t inspire those kinds of feelings in people just because she deigned to give them her time. 

The elezen cleared his throat as though preparing a speech. “Why, hello Cahsi! So lovely to see you--” (oh, he really was starting over) “--I brought you a hot chocolate to cheer you up, as you seemed to be a bit under the weather. Possibly overwhelmed from everything you’ve been thrown into lately. Would you care to talk about it, or talk in general?” It was straightforward, exactly what she’d previously been hoping for. Ugh. Damn him. She paused. perhaps because she was thinking, but more than likely purposefully--just long enough to start making the knight squirm and sweat and feel awkwardness crawl down his neck before she finally sighed. “Alright.” Before he could do something as foolish or ridiculous as thank her for being willing to chat with him on his break, she held up a finger and continued. “But do not say I did not warn you. I may rant. It may involve many swear words and complaints about your home.” Haurchefant grinned once more. “I won’t tell anyone else, lest their ears burn. You may find I can rant with the best of them.” He swung his arm in front of his chest, ending in a thumbs up, his signature, dorky, reassuring pose. She sincerely doubted this man could find two mean-spirited words to say if they bit him on the arse, but hey, he asked for it. He didn’t seem cowed by the prospect, once more willing to put up with her farther than expected.  

She brought the flask at her side out (yes, the one with alcohol, which she used to keep the chill at bay in this wintery wasteland. She wasn’t a lush, but it was impossible to deal with Ishgardian goingson without at least a little relief), pouring some of its contents into the hot chocolate. Haurchefant raised his eyebrows a bit at that but didn’t seem to judge her daydrinking. For a second she almost thought she saw envy in those eyes. Wouldn’t do for a knight to drink on the job, huh? She took a long swig of the drink, and ok, maybe alcohol shouldn’t be mixed with the marshmallowy kind of hot chocolate, but it was still pretty good, and it loosened her up enough to have an actual conversation with this actual nice person without actually biting his head off. He could thank her for her restraint later. 

“So, where to start… Oh! How about that wild goose chase I was sent on earlier. Completely soaked my clothes through with icewater when I…” Haurchefant definitely stayed on break longer than he was supposed to, Cahsi definitely drank all of the hot chocolate and also definitely enjoyed herself more than she promised she would in their back and forth venting. For an eternally friendly knight who exuded heroism and good will, he certainly hadn’t been lying about being able to rant with the best of them. He’d even managed to teach her a swear or two, which was impressive. 

Cahsi wouldn’t say that she would like to repeat this sort of conversing often. She certainly wouldn’t call it camaraderie. But…it was surprisingly not terrible. There were few things about this place that weren’t terrible, so maybe it would be fine to indulge in this sort of thing again--if the knight didn’t piss her off too badly first; her tolerance levels were wont to change at a moment’s notice. 

The hot chocolate he made, at least, was worth it.

[headcanons-n-shit]

Hello

Your newest post reminded me i had an idea. The bois comforting wol who is having a nervous brakedown from all the stress. Bonus Ardbert.

I really like your stories. Especially the angsty ones.

(TAZ The Breakdown plays in the background)

(Mild shadowbringers spoilers)

Thancred literally (accidentally but still) disassociated so hard from the stress that he gave up his body to the bad guy for a bit. If anyone gets what youre going through, its probably going to be him. Hes not going to waste his time on empty platitudes: hes going to get you a glass of water, a warm blanket, and a hot meal, and let you cry it out on his shoulder for as long as you need to.

(And if that still doesnt help, well. Sex is still on the table. Its rarely a good idea, but hes all out of those.)

Urianger is probably breaking down with you lets be real. Every future my mans has ever read has included world-ending catastrophe, and, sure, youve thwarted it every time (usually with his help) but. What if this time you dont? What if this time you fail???? Its an unreasonable amount of stress for one man to be carrying. He probably does a fantastic amount of fantasy weed to cope and still all it takes is seeing you break down for him to also start blubber-crying.

Graha seems kind of detached and distant at first. "Shower water food" he commands you, in the voice of Lynas grandfather the Crystal Exarch, firm and uncompromising and impossible to disobey, and you might miss the way his voice and smile are strained. The way his hands clench and unclench at his sides. Hes never regretted turning back time to help you save two worlds, but. Its times like this that he wonders if he shouldnt try again to give you a happier ending.

Estinien is a firm hand on your shoulder, a steady shoulder to lean on, because he gets it. The feeling of being trapped in your own body, puppetted by powers so much greater than you can imagine, almost greater than you can comprehend... Youre breaking down for the both of you, honestly, because hes spent so long training the iron discipline to resist nidhoggs influence that he doesnt know how to anymore. This is. Cathartic. For the both of you tbh.

Aymeric wishes in this moment, more than anything, that he could just. Just be with you. Out on your journeys, giving you support by your side instead of from a distance. And he knows, he knows, that the support he gives you is important, that his ability to move nations in your favor has helped far more than any single sword at your side ever would. But he bears the weight of a nation while you bear the weight of a star, and that just. Doesnt seem fair to him.

Haurchefant knows that theres some things that hot chocolate cant fix but. Its a good starting place if nothing else. Something warm and sweet right now couldnt hurt, neither would a soft blanket and a roaring fire. He'll sit with you, bundled up together, and just listen if thats what you need. Or he can talk-- he has plenty of embarrassing stories about Artoirel that he hasnt shared yet. Either way, he'll happily help you wipe your tears away when youre done, and then drop a delicate kiss on your forehead.

Stand tall, he says. A smile better suits a hero.

Sidurgu is surprisingly good at this. Or, maybe not so surprising? Rielle is very mature for her age, but shes still a child. He probably does this whole song and dance every other week. And you feel a little bit like a child, the way he bullies you into the shower and then bundles you up in blankets and pushes food at you, but. Beneath the gruff words and scowl you can tell hes worried. Frustrated. This is exactly the kind of injustice that as a dark knight he swore he would fight, but hes just one man, there isnt much he can do about the desolation of the star. But he also needs you to know that he'll always be in your corner. Whether in this little way or if you need him to help you kill a god, he'll always come when you call.

BONUS

Ardbert has never felt so helpless in his life. He cant touch you, cant be a shoulder you can cry on. He cant even fetch you a glass of water. All he can do is stand there and watch as you break apart in your bed in the Pendants, and its. Its torture, worse than anything any ascian could ever conceive.

Still. He does what he can. And if all he can do is sit at your bedside, his hand hovering half-through yours in a mockery of touch while he tells you stories of his adventures, or friendship and triumph and happier times, well. Its the least he can do.

[dawnslight-aegis]

glamour progression! some canonical Looks that Kaede has had over the years, lore and reasonings and whatnot under the cut~

early ARR: just some basic, comfortable traveling clothes. she didn't have a ton of money here, and her fighting style was offensively-focused, rather than defensive. she didn't even use a shield yet.

mid ARR: finally scrounged up some basic armor, but she still prefers the flexibility and mobility afforded by leather over chain or plate.

end of ARR: for the Praetorium assault, she joins as an officer of the Immortal Flames, and wears their uniform. even though it's heavy and bulky and uncomfortable.

post ARR: newly dubbed the Warrior of Light, she still favors Immortal Flame colors, but make it stylish. also helps Gerolt reforge Curtana and the Holy Shield.

early HW: after the Bloody Banquet, but before being admitted to Ishgard, she comes across the corpse of a dark knight dumped outside the city gates and takes up his sword. it's no longer safe to wear anything that associates her with the Flames, so she reverts back to her more gladiator-like style, but with light plate

mid HW: can't very well be walking around Ishgard as a heretic, so it's back to paladin for a while. she finds a full set of really nice (and warm) armor and weapons in The Aery and uses them for a bit, but swaps the sword/shield for a greatsword again in the aftermath of the Vault

end of HW: Sid gave her some armor. please imagine Zephirin's face under where her sword is planted in the ground.

post HW: had a new set of armor made to match the style of the set she found in the Aery, carries the Fortemps shield in Haurchefant's honor

early SB: when Tataru Taru makes you an outfit, you damn well wear it. also this is her RDM training arc, Marz is the main character doing WAR stuff here, Kaede is just here to vibe and help out

mid SB: Kaede doesn't care for Doman fashion in Eorzea, she has a hard enough time convincing people she's not foreign. but when in Othard, do as the Othardians do. oh this is also where she got her horn and tail decor! turns out when you go somewhere with lots of au ra, you can find cute auri accessories. who knew.

end of SB: we liberating Ala Mhigo in full red mage regalia my friends

post SB: it's just a cute witchy look, Kaede didn't do the Mhach raids so idk how she even got this one. I just like it. she spent most of the SB patches in Ishgard so maybe she bought it from Leofard or something. for REALLY late post-SB (aka Ghimlyt Dark) please see "early ShB"

early ShB: puts her rapier away when her friends start dropping and she has to go to actual legit war. opts for some heavier actual plate mail, but you can't fight evil if you ain't cute. also she got that top from the bowels of Orbonne Monastery, and it's reminiscent of her childhood hero, Agrias Oaks, so it's important to her

mid ShB: Kaede has Feelings about Voeburt and how it's basically Ishgard but with au ra, ask her about them some time. anyway she tries to PLD for a while on the First but it starts exacerbating her light poisoning, so it's back to dark knight time

end of ShB: yikes, girl. yikes. anyway Voeburtite+Crystarium gear is a nice cross-section of the places in the First that really spoke to her

post ShB: neo-Ishgardian top, Halonic gauntlets, I think it's safe to say she is homesick, someone let her go home and see her man already

early EW: Sharlayan is...not Kaede's favorite place. she went there straight from Ishgard so she's just wearing some of her normal civilian clothes tbh. if you see her out and about in Ishgard this is probably the kind of thing she's wearing

mid EW: Garlemald is fucking cold and depressing, even when you have a nice heavy coat. while she's here she gets her arm broken and her shoulder dislocated, so she has to do red mage stuff until it heals. I didn't include it here but it's the heirloom casting top+ravel keeper gloves+virtu duelist boots.

end of EW: a return to the iconic look after getting her shield arm fixed by Haurchefant in the Aitiascope. also all her friends died. it's a bad time. Tataru made her some boots though.

post EW: holy shit baby girl finally learned how to heal, it only took almost dying to make her stubborn tank main ass learn. she changed her hair because she's On Vacation rn. also she's engaged! idk where the yorha top came from, I don't consider the nier raids canon lmao. her staff has a chunk of the mothercrystal on it though

[jumpingjollyrancher]

Day 5: Stamp

Alphinaud so often has a quill in hand that Junior assumes most of his actual job with the Scions is scribe work. They’re a group of scholars, so he’s not surprised by the number of them that can read and write neatly; he’s just glad he can do both as well. It also makes sense to make the youngest do the writing. Alphinaud might have his grand ambitions, but he still has to prove himself useful.

Really, Minfilia lets him get away with too much as it is. (Junior will learn later to throw fewer stones from the glass panes of his house.)

In Ishgard, the Scions are lost and there’s hardly anything to be written down about. Junior runs errands for Lord Edmont; Tataru twines her fingers into the threads spun at the Forgotten Knight. Alphinaud…writes.

Junior finds him at the writing desk in the small living area set between their rooms. His writing already covers a page and he’s well past halfway on the second. For a moment, he considers upending the ink over it all. It’s petty, cruel even. Alphinaud is to blame for their being trapped here, but Junior is a very small bit of a bigger person than that.

He’s sure Alphinaud has noticed him standing at the corner of the desk, but he keeps his head down and his hand moving. Junior arches an eyebrow and scans the desk again. Is it a plea bargain he’s scratching out? Will he sell Junior to them for his own name? Junior leans forward and then spots the envelope.

He picks it up and now, Alphinaud looks up at him. “Oh, Xher’a, I didn’t see you come in.”

Junior ignores him, squinting slightly at Alphinaud’s loopy script. Give him the scratchiest handwriting and he can translate it, but this is still neat for all its styling. “Sharlayan,” he reads. “Why a letter to Sharlayan? They don’t give a damn about the rest of us.” He tosses it back on the desk.

Alphinaud shrugs. “I’m not asking for their intervention. It’d be more pointless than my efforts to involve Ishgard in their old alliance.” He runs his fingers along the edge of one of the pages, eyes fixed on his own script. “I’m, ah, updating my parents on things. In a manner of speaking at least. I’d rather they not worry overmuch.”

That makes Junior snort. “Yeah, what is there to worry about?” It’s sharp, pointed, and he can see Alphinaud’s shoulders curl forward. It doesn’t make him feel better, but it sure doesn’t make him feel worse. Still he asks, “What about the other one? Your sister?”

A tired exhale explains nearly as much as the words after. “Alisaie will do as she wishes. So long as no one makes the mistake of thinking she is me, everything will be fine.” Alphinaud adjusts his papers again. “I’ve one for her as well to leave with Lord Haurchefant at Camp Dragonhead. If she passes through, someone will see it to her.”

Junior asked and still only has a grunt for a response. “I’m going to bed,” he says shortly. “Then I’m leaving early to Falcon’s Nest. Tell Tataru to stay out of trouble until I get back.” He turns away, headed for the door to his room.

“Good night, Xher’a.” Alphinaud’s voice is polite, almost friendly. He has yet to stop being so no matter how Junior snaps at him.

His door is half open when he hears Alphinaud resume writing. Junior holds it still and glances back. From here, Alphinaud looks too small for the desk. It’s sized for an adult Elezen and his feet just touch the floor. But he pays it no mind, focused again on his writing. Junior can only wonder just how often he’s done this. And whether or not his parents or his sister ever think to answer.

Alphinaud is outside when he leaves in the morning. He waves Junior off and then hands two stamped envelopes off to the waiting courier.

Maybe Junior will ask if he’s tried to reach anyone in Eorzea when he gets back. Maybe.

[capriccio-ffxiv]

thinking about Illyria and how her main job isn't actually Dragoon (though that's a big part of her!) or Arcanist

It's actually Mimic/Mime & Blue Mage.

Both "This is a way to explain why she's an omniclasser"

and some other things

I'd never intended to pick up Bard or Dancer but did anyway and am glad because they're actually super fun, but a whole thing for Illy is she was always the black sheep of the family there (her mom and brother are actors & musicians; her dad is a carpenter who builds musical instruments). Terrible singer, two left feet; she's actually decent at carpentry, but terrible at things like accounting, staying on task, actually finishing orders. It's why her parents sent her to arcanist school... and why she dropped out after taking several extra years.

But here's the thing. Give her instructions and tools and she can perfectly replicate an item. Show her a song or dance, and she can exactly copy it... but she can't remember it after. It's why she loves cooking, but could never be a chef---people love it when you can follow a recipe exactly (or even improvise a bit to fix the recipe), but it's not a big deal if she isn't coming up with her own unique stuff all the time.

It also means she always feels... hollow. Like an impostor, like there's nothing there. She mimics, she mimes; she builds on everyone else's talents, but there's no Illyria at the center of all that. The Warrior of Light doesn't exist, as far as she's concerned; that is a mask she wears. People told her what that hero was supposed to be like, and she followed their instructions perfectly. She's always been trying to live up to what others wanted her to be—her mom, her dad...

(even sex for her is just something else you do to please people, another mask, another thing she's good at because she's just a mirror people project on to)

Haurchefant was one of the only people who just wanted her to be her.

And then Estinien, it turns out, was the same way, or rather, he never really expected anything of her. First, it was get out of his way, then it was ... but he's always gone. Always leaving.

I'm still sorting the timeline, but I think she stuck around long enough that she did, indeed, defeat the Endsinger, but most of that wasn't even her—it was this sort of... Dynamis-fueled idea of her, this... mantle, this mask she was wearing. All the hopes of the star, worn like a costume, like armor.

And then after that of course she goes to Feo-Ul and says, "Surely you can take the me out of this thing, this... whatever it is. And let me rest."

Greymalken pretends they don't care—they're a voidsent, this is just another body to wear. Nevermind that their pact had been an equitable one, that they'd started to feel... something? Something, from being in the sun. No.

The Maenad wants to argue that she is part of that core, she is the part of Illyria that loves herself, except that her hate and pain and rage is greater than her love, and in the end maybe she's just part of that greater whorl of expectations and projections. The version of the Warrior of Light that's feared, not loved.

Silver is a soul bound to a weapon and some part of him thinks in his last life that's all he was too, and he promised he'd always be by her side (he thinks?) except she's not even there anymore. He is not as he was. ... but a knight must give his life for others. This is his calling. Isn't it?

The gestalt entity that's left, well, even Y'shtola barely notices; after all, the Maenad still holds the same color and shape, just as any Dark Knight's shadow does. And the Voidsent and Anima were already there. Why would even she notice that there's no longer a core? Was there ever a core to begin with?

(And again, Illyria's name... 'Illyria' is an imaginary country from a Shakespeare play. 'Capriccio' is a painting of a place that doesn't exist; a fantasy of architecture and landscape that looks like it could, maybe, be real, but isn't. Often of ruins; the most famous of which is Piranesi's Prisons of the Imagination...)

[asteriasfallingstarsandtears]

Obviously XIV gives us a point of reference for character clothing through the use of glamours. However, beyond that, how does your character dress? Are their fabrics they prefer (cotton over wool, satin, silk, etc), do they tailor their clothes a certain way or do they tend to dress in certain colours? Is fashion and clothing something they care about, or is it more for function? Do they know how to repair their clothes if they get holes? What about things like shoes and accessories?

Thanks for the question! I love answering stuff like this about Mina and Theia!

General:

It ultimately depends on where she is. She grew up in Garlemald so she is most likely wearing lighter clothing than everyone else weather wise, but she's also rather insistent on wearing some sort of armour where she can.

Cotton wouldn't have been part of her standard clothing before she was twenty, since it is not good for cold weather, wool was probably something she wore often under her armour and jackets.

When she ended up in Eorzea she had the nightmare of adapting to hot and temperate weather and often wore as light clothing as she could safely get away with.

In her adventures she is always wearing some form of light armour, likely leather or cermet plate (this is a real material used in body armour!) once Cid is able to get it imported/recovered, enough to protect her from basic injury but not too heavy she can't move freely.

Places she can't or doesn't need armour:

She does have a soft spot for dresses, they're usually too impractical for her to wear though. The softer the material the happier she is, because she likes to pet it, so velvet and silk are her favourite indulgences that she rarely allows herself to have. Usually these fabrics are saved for state events she's been forced to go to due to Scion business.

Shoes: a good pair of leather boots are her favorite, something made to fit her foot and able to withstand a lot of travel and be comfortable. If it has a sole that is grippy for uneven terrain and support for her ankles, she's pretty happy. Think a construction work boot.

Accessories and little things about her:

She always wears a flower clip in her hair, she knows it's impractical, but her hair is one of the few indulgences she lets herself keep.

She also likes braids and plaits and learned how to do them. The gyr abanian plait was her standard hair style up until recently, briefly used Lyse's hair style and settled on Durante's going forward. She also dyes the blond parts of her hair green since arriving in Eorzea, much to a certain character's irritation later.

She always wears a single earring in places where it's warm, she removed them and most jewelry when she journeyed to cold regions such as Coerthas and Garlemald, to prevent frostbite. After Heavensward she wears a ring on her ring finger, the one she would have received from Haurchefant if things had gone differently and a necklace with two small crystals, a dark aspected one from Lahabrea and a ice aspected one from Ysayle. She also has a ring on that necklace after Shadowbringers from Emet-selch, which was something she had made him as Azem.

Can she fix her own clothes? Yes, it may not look fantastic on the inside, but it will be fully functional. She did get better at it from pre-ARR to Endwalker, Tataru got annoyed and sat her down and made her learn proper mending.

Colours: Mostly shades of green where she can. She has a few outfits in blue and reds, but she primarily wears green where she can. Tataru once again said she couldn't have every item be green and started making her wear other colours.

[scrollsfromarebornrealm]

on our fates alight--request

"Give him what he wants."

The statement had the effect of a bomb going off in Count Edmont's study. Shocked silence met Haurchefant's words, and then the hush was broken by Artoirel.

"What did you just say?!"

"Give the brother of Halone's Dominant what he wants." Haurchefant repeated. "Let them shelter with us, and draw a line with the other High Houses and the Church."

"Steady on, old boy!" Emmanellain protested. "Do you ever hear what you're saying?!"

"One of the most dangerous men in Ishgard was chosen by the Fury to be her flesh incarnate amongst us." Haurchefant fixed his gaze on his older brother. They didn't have a relationship, but he knew that Artoirel was every inch a solider much like the men and women that he commanded.

"He has scandal attached to his name." Artoirel replied. The look on his face was thoughtful, and Haurchefant seized the opening.

"Would you call it scandal or cleverness? So yes, he left the city for Ul'dah. Yes, he fought on the bloodsands. But he left as one of their most acclaimed champions--and wasn't even after the glory! He wanted only to better his skills in combat and to have the money needed to free himself from the vultures that call themselves his kin!"

"Haurchefant." Count Edmont warned, but it was without heat. He watched as his middle child spun on an armored heel to face him.

"Am I wrong? Of all the vipers in the pit that is Dzemael and their vassal Houses, House Seymour is the worst! How Ser Augustine was able to come out of it with the purity of heart and spirit that he bears has been remarked upon by many!"

"It's said Ser Vellguine was torn between him and Zephirin for the position of Archimandrite." Emmanellain crossed his arms, musing. "And he was in the running for at least second-in-command of the Temple Knights. If he hadn't gone to Ul'dah, he might have at least been able to obtain the latter."

"He's kind-hearted." He could see what his...brother was getting at. And if Artoirel was honest with himself, he'd thought upon it too. Kindness had no place on the battlefield with the dragons. Yet Augustine Seymour--now Bishop-- was praised for his gentle heart...but also feared for his utter ruthlessness and skill in battle. From healing fallen comrades to turning around and completely decimating his area of the field in a dance of blood and steel without so much as a blink... Artoirel looked at his-no, their father, who had leaned back in the chair. The older Fortemps' eyes were closed, and his arms crossed.

"This is not a light thing you are asking for, Haurchefant. His own deeds aside, there is still the matter of the Church and just how Halone came to choose him instead of the Archbishop." He said, opening his eyes. Not to mention there was an elephant in the room that everyone was steadfastly ignoring...Augustine's own bastardy.

"We declare ourselves neutral." His son countered. "We draw the lines, father! We are neutral due to offering sanctuary to Halone's Dominant and his kin! Anyone who tries anything would be violating the law of hospitality!"

"It could work?" Emmanellian held up his hands as all eyes focused on him. "We might have to withdraw on some matters--or ask for impartial judges--but I doubt that anyone would want to dare raise a sword against the Fury herself, let alone Her Chosen! If anything, it could possibly elevate our standing!"

"The other Houses." Edmont began.

"Nothing ever pleases Dzemael, and we know Durendaire will complain! Hallienarte would come around--in fact, they have no choice! They don't have the means to support or protect them!" Haurchefant urged. He watched as Edmont looked at Artoirel. His older brother nodded.

"We would have to be careful for a while. No mistakes, no scandals--" Artoirel glared at Emmanellian, who pouted and crossed his arms. "And we have to stay out of any business involving the Church. We have to be perfect until everything...settles."

"We can do it!" Haurchefant declared. "We don't even have to house them in the city. I can prepare quarters for them at Camp Dragonhead--in fact, that's what he wanted."

"His brother asked specifically for that?" Edmont repeated, his brows furrowing. Haurchefant nodded.

"He did. It was a request not only from him, but from Ser Augustine himself." The silver-haired elezen gestured. He watched as Edmont absorbed those words.

"...The business with the Fury aside...I cannot blame them for wanting out of the city. It could be that they are safer here than there." Edmont uncrossed his arms. "Very well. Extend the offer of our House's hospitality to them both."

[starrysnowdrop]

Top 5 Memories (from MSQ, raiding, with your FC, anything!)

This was also asked by @tallbluelady and @arinaxiv, thank you both so so much!! 🥰💖

Oohhh this is such a tough one. But I’ll try! Let’s see…

Because some of these are major spoilers for the MSQ, I will put my answers under a cut. The list is not in any particular order.

1) Haurchefant’s Death - This was the first major event that I remember from the MSQ that truly stuck with me. Sure the Bloody Banquet was a big deal, but when I first played the game, I wasn’t as attached to the characters as I am now, so it wasn’t as impactful to me the first time around. Mind you, I’ve played FFXIV since ARR came out, so this was many years ago and my love for the game has grown over time. So the first major thing that hit me in the feels so damn hard was Haurchefant’s death. I hadn’t cried for a character in a game since FFX, so it hit me really hard. It still is difficult rewatching the cutscenes in the Vault, so I’m still not over it.

2) Dinner with Aymeric - Even before the dinner scene, I really loved Aymeric as a character, but I think I didn’t fall head over heels for him until the dinner. Even before I made a WoL OC at all, it was here that I started shipping WoL/Aymeric more than any other ship. So this really was the scene that started it all.

3) Shadowbringers. All of it. - Not too much to say here, but ShB was a complete roller coaster ride that I didn’t want to get off of, and even after EW and looking forward to DT, ShB is my favorite expansion and it was right after ShB launch that I decided to create Yume, my first WoL OC. So I have fond memories of playing ShB the first time through.

4) Zodiark Fight - Also not too much to say here, but this is my favorite trial in the game so far, for not only the shock of fighting Zodiark at lvl 83, but the fight itself is so epic. I don’t think I ever freaked out over a trial as much I did with Zodiark, in a good and challenging way I mean.

5) Creating Hali - What can I say? I had Yume and other OCs for years, but I never felt as much joy and fulfillment as when I created Hali and started writing her story. I still can’t even describe it that well, but it seemed that with Yume, there was always something about her story that I wasn’t satisfied with, so I was constantly changing things up to try and “fix” it, but as soon as I made Hali, it all fell into place. It truly feels like I finally found the right OC. Hali truly is the one that I was meant to write for, and I couldn’t be happier.

Thank you so much for the ask @mimble-sparklepudding!! 🥰💖

[velnica]

✨ Starlight Playdate 💖

(Sanson/Guydelot, Rehlii, Ylinna, Haurchefant/Fjora)

"Ylinna!"

"Rehlii!"

The two girls ran towards each other, heedless of their parents' warning to be careful on the snowy pavement. They met, at last, in front of the enormous Starlight tree in Gridania, and promptly did an improptu jig, hands clasped; inseparable. Behind them their parents followed, expression full of fond exasperation at their children's antics.

Fjora waved warmly at Sanson and Guydelot as they arrived by the girls' side. Next to her Haurchefant gave a friendly, but tired, smile.

"It's been a while Sanson, Guydelot, we should do this more often!" she grinned, happy to see her dear friends. Starlight had always been a busy time of year, especially with a school-aged child, and a double date like this was a rare occurrence indeed.

"Indeed it has! Shall we grab that much-needed hot chocolate?" Sanson smiled back, heart just as light upon seeing them.

"Aye, aye. I can do with a sit down after carrying her on my shoulders all the way here," Guydelot chimed in, causing everyone else to laugh.

There was a silent tug on her hand from Haurchefant; he desperately needed a sit down of his own after spending the morning fixing their hot water system. Fjora squeezed his hand back.

"Come Ylinna, Rehlii. Let's get some hot chocolate from the cafe that Aunt Ysayle told us about."

A chorus of yays and woohoo came from the girls before they ran full tilt in the direction of the cafe, unable to curb their enthusiasm for the 'triple cream hot chocolate with snowflake sprinkles' that they'd been going on and on about for nearly two weeks.

"You know, she's gonna want me to make her this special hot chocolate from now on, right?" Haurchefant let out a resigned sigh.

"Can't be any worse than the special home made dinosaur pasta that Rehlii made me do for three weekend straight," Guydelot groaned.

"You were the one who boasted that you could do better than the restaurant. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy, Guydelot," Sanson interjected as his husband sheepishly grinned. Fjora giggled; some things, it seemed, will never change.

With another squeeze of Haurchefant's hand she took the lead and started walking towards the girls, yelling at them to slow down so they could catch up.

Snow fell softly as they made their way across the plaza, filling every crevice on the ground in white. She tightened her scarf, then smiled in secret. There was nothing better than spending Starlight together with those dearest to her heart, surrounded by love.

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

FFXIV Write: Memory

In which Agi and G'raha's boat ride wasn't all that fun to be honest. Massive DT spoilers. SFW.

“Tell me, my friend. Have you ever wished to be reunited with someone who has passed away?”

Agnes’s mouth dropped open at the question G’raha asked.

What. The. Fuck?!?!?!

No Raha, I’ve never ever wished to see my fucking Da again or Lewson or my adventuring mentors or Haurchefant or…

Or…

So many more.

As he continued to speak, she felt herself tense.

The golden city is a place with no loss.

Because everyone is dead.

She could feel Master A-Towa’s soulstone burning.

Hear its cries.

Wrong.

Unnatural.

“And you---can you imagine yourself spending eternity here, knowing no loss?”

The Warrior of Light raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her ample chest. “No. Absolutely not. This place shouldn’t exist.”

To her surprise, G’raha seem unfazed by her answer.

Almost…amused?

“I see Agnes the White is with us.” He said, a twinkle in his red eyes.

Agnes the White.

My epithet when I completed my training as a white mage.

The first non-Padjal to ever walk this path.

There was no twinkle in the hyur’s brown eyes.

“Agnes the White’s always been here, and it’s my duty as a white mage to heal and preserve nature…the natural order. The cycle of life.”

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Unnatural.

WRONG.

She glanced at the smiling faces around her and sighed. I know what he’s going to ask. “But Agi, what if it was your Da here?”

And I’d say this:

“So long as we carry the memories of those we love with us, then they’re never really gone.”

You want to know who said that, Raha?

My Da.

So kindly fuck all the way off.

“You know this is wrong, Raha. You know that.” Her expression was uncharacteristically stony as she spoke. I’m not fucking around, G’raha Tia. I’m as serious as when I told you no more lying to me or else you were going to find your own way from the First back to the Source.

He nodded, a sad smile tugging on his lips. “But it’s nice to dream for a while, isn’t it?”

Agnes chuckled softly, feeling fucking relieved that G’raha’s not taken in by all this. Thank fuck. “Dream and enjoy a boat ride with a friend.” She leaned her head back against the cushion and closed her eyes.

Life. Death. Rebirth.

The flow of life.

So long as we remember…

Remember us…

Remember that we once lived…

My most solemn duty as Warrior of Light.

To remember.

Hades…did you know about Sphene? About this place? Did you want me to find it? Fix it? Make life prosper and be whole again? Something else entirely?

I swear I’ll do the best I can.

As the star’s champion, no less is demanded of me.

[shiratamako]

I'll take 16 and 39!

16. Is there a relationship between characters in another setting that particularly inspired you? What is it about this portrayal that you enjoy?

Ummm hmm... This is going to be a bit silly, though my thoughts on this are genuine. One of my prevailing theories I have for myself is that "the Echo and being able to speak to the Mother Crystal is kind of like having Newtype powers".

⚠️ Mild Spoilers for The Final Steps of Faith Ahead

I didn't think it would be amiss to see our fallen comrades lending us their power (though I wasn't prepared for that to happen, regardless). So every time I scream "This is just like Gundam", I am being 50/50 serious/tongue-in-cheek.

Even before the Final Steps of Faith, the kind of whirlwind romance that Shira and Haurchefant share apart from a rocky beginning, is a little bit like Kamille Bidan and Four from Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam, though Kamille in this case is Shira rather than Four (at least in terms of who survives). It's a deep, unspoken connection and almost instantaneous bond in a sense. There's also a huge sense of oncoming tragedy because of their circumstances, yet both of these people find solace within each other.

Their relationship isn't a perfect 1:1 mirror, though these tragic relationships in Gundam are usually the ones I remember the most.

For Kamille and Four, it's the small conversations on rooftops, running your fingers over chain-link fences, sitting side by side in the car as they drive through the humid concrete jungle that is Hong Kong.

For Haurchefant and Shira, it's cups of hot chocolate by a crackling hearth, walking through a gentle fall of snow at Camp Dragonhead, moments of shared quiet as they revel in the stillness of the night, only punctuated by the shrill, distant cry of winter wolves.

39. What, if any, is your biggest source of fear or anxiety when it comes to writing or otherwise portraying romantic or sexual scenarios?

⚠️ Discussion ahead on some heavy themes.

Clichés and gender roles are constantly on my mind. I always wonder if I am perpetuating something awful and terrible for say, Shira and Ilberd. I acknowledge there is nothing good in their relationship.

I always worry that Shira is unlikeable as a protagonist of my fiction as she gets manipulated and abused during the Bloody Banquet and then after. She also cannot catch a break in terms of angst and suffering, though I try to balance it out with her doing her best to carry on as the Warrior of Light and to keep walking on.

Most of my ideas for fics can get fairly dark, so I try to just ruminate on those ideas as much as possible before I fully commit to them.

I also want to write about her trauma and grief as realistically as possible without falling into the trap of instantly wanting revenge and becoming a "strong woman" to exact revenge immediately without any time to process her pain. The main character interactions and development in what I have planned for Dull Blade, Keen Edge will be Shira being more forthcoming about what she had to suffer through, letting other people into her heart to try to help her overcome something that took away so much of her light and joy.

It can be hard to also step away from cliché gender roles and knighthood when it comes to saviour complexes: I want to try to write Haurchefant as a friend, ally and advocate rather than someone who thinks he can fix Shira's trauma and grief. As he is the first one who knows what happens to Shira, he is the one who sets her recovery in motion.

[umbralaether]

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)? 💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits? for Eisha.

💭 Eisha is an INFP! (The Mediator)

Honestly based on this quick quiz is makes sense— she’s always been introverted & intuitive because of it. The almost even split between feeling & thinking is accurate, because she doesn’t always respond emotionally, nor rationally. It’s dependent on the situation.

Some relevant strengths & weaknesses I found to fit her:

Strengths:

Empathetic (easily relates to + senses how others feel)

Open-minded (never quick to judge, tends to find empathy even those who do wrong)

Idealistic (wants to make the world a better place)

Weaknesses:

Self-Isolating (wants comfort when she messes up but refuses to allow herself it)

Self-Critical (holds herself to a higher standard + perfectionist)

People pleaser (wants to fix why someone doesn’t agree/like her)

As for the next question!

💤 Eisha used to be a heavy sleeper, but had trouble for months after Haurchefant died. Slowly got better until shadowbringers— messing her aether up with Light meant sleep was rare & bizarre when it did happen. Dreams were more prophetic in nature, and left her more tired than when she fell asleep. When everything finally became “normal” and she returned to the source with G’raha, she still found that sleep was still difficult to achieve.

It was easier, though, to find sleep comforting again when she was so clung to by a loving G’raha, who would lull her to sleep with his presence (did you know some Miqo’te can purr? Eisha didnt!) She had almost forgot what it was not to fall asleep without trying.

Endwalker spoilers below the cut!

Then she almost died.

Her body wouldn’t work right, couldn’t move & pain was all she knew.

The she was dreamless, and when she woke it had been a week. G’raha looked like hell— his clothes beyond wrinkled and face worn down from lack of rest. The alchemical-induced coma had been touch and go, it seemed.

Now she’s a light sleeper, prone to getting nightmares than keep her awake for hours. She’s been working on it, and G’raha is ever so patient. The nightmares aren’t always present, some days she’ll think they’re in the past and then BAM that very night she’ll have one.

It’ll just take time.

[headcanons-n-shit]

*hope i did this right*… so about the husbandos of XIV’s nighttime routines (I.E, what they do before bed, what they do in their sleep, etc) (bonus is Magnai)

Thancred

is a paranoid little bastard, in time of war and in times of peace. Don't bother waiting for him to come to bed, he's going to take 15-30 minutes checking and rechecking that all the doors are locked, all the windows are secured, all your traps and wards are in place, whether you're camping in the wilds or staying in an inn room or relaxing in your house. Just indulge him, please, he's not going to sleep well otherwise.

Urianger

also takes a little bit to get into bed, but at least this time you get a show while he does his work. All of those fiddly bits of jewelry have to come off at some point. The chains of his belt, first, carefully unclasped and laid out on the nightstand. All of his bracelets and bracers next, alongside his dozen rings. He fiddles with his gorget for the longest time, where the clasp has bent and he hasn't bothered to see a goldsmith about fixing it.

(Helping him doesn't actually make his routine go any faster-- you two are very good at distracting each other)

G'raha

doesn't so much have a "nightly" routine as he has a "remembers that bodily functions are a thing and passes out" routine. Spending a hundred years being sustained by a tower of crystal aether does funny things to someone's head. You very much become his routine, gently coaxing him away from his work with the promise of food and good company. Keep it up for long enough and he will eventually start seeking you out before you have to carry his sleeping form out of the library.

Estinien

tends to slip in well after you and the world have already fallen asleep. A soldier for so long, he's too used to keeping the oddest hours, the grueling second-watch while his fellow Knights slept, the long stretches alone in the snow with no one by his side to watch the skies for him. You tend to wake to the sound of him doffing his Drachen mail, usually sometime after the armet but before the breastplate, though unless you're determined you tend to fall back to sleep before he has finished combing out his hair.

Aymeric

probably has the most luxurious nighttime routine. Lucia bullies him out of his office at a certain time of night with threats of violence if she catches him working again before morning, so he has learned to fill the time taking care of himself. Let him coax you into a warm bath, a cup of tea in front of the fire, watching him unmake his walls brick by brick for you until you're laying together in bed, giggling like schoolgirls.

Haurchefant

can't help but walk the walls one last time before bed. is he in his nightclothes? yes. Is it well below freezing outside? yes, darling, stay in bed, he'll be back soon. Just one quick lap of Camp Dragonhead, with the promise of a warm room, a warm bed-- the thoughts of you to keep him company, if you are not there with him.

Sidurgu

How many times has Fray have you caught him sleeping standing up? leaning against the wall, against the door, against a tree? the tension, the stress, lingering in every line of his face, until you wake him by smoothing them away with the gentle passing of your thumbs.

It's better, now that you two have Rielle. He takes the time to tuck her in, always. Reads to her, sometimes, although other times you can catch him telling her stories in the language of the Steppe. Rielle is always happy when you join them-- and Sidurgu is too, once he's done being embarrassed about it.

BONUS

Magnai

does not sleep easily. For all he is the Most Radiant Sun, he is also very much a night person. He will sit awake for hours, sleep slipping from his grasp as he watches the moon make her lazy arc across the sky. The new moon is the loneliest night of the month, without the light of N'haama to keep him company.

(It doesn't take much for you to lure him into the furs, however-- what other moon does he need, when you are right there?)

[motheatenscarf]

Anyway, so WoL Talia lore, she's from Garlemald, and her relationship to her home is... BAD!

Let me discuss my thoughts!

I'm thinking her family was middling military, since it's a ""meritocracy"" where you earn citizenship through service the way these fascist regimes usually are. She apparently can't be a full-Garlean because with the third eye comes an inability to use magic, so. One of her parents is mixed, probably her mom because the point of Echidna is that she's just alien enough to be an outsider and gets a chip on her shoulder about it, whereas Sera, Talia's sister, chooses to learn fucking empathy from it. So, Talia and Sera, twins, of course, would have been part of that Populares movement, to their parents chagrin, but it wasn't until they started supporting an actual resistance and slipping intel to them that they had a problem.

Sera's involvement was more direct because she was the one who was working her way up to be a diplomat of sorts, she was the one with the smarts, the ideals, the optimism for the future. Talia was only ever a soldier, good for killing, but realistically unfit for command. She followed her sister because she figured Sera knew what she was doing. Talia had plausible deniability, Sera never did. Their father figured it out before anyone else could catch wind of their treachery, and rather than let his reputation suffer for their actions, decided to quietly remove the girls from society and deal with it in-house. Sera fought back, there was a scuffle, she was killed. Talia went ballistic, killed him, a bunch of other Imperials in her way, and would have killed her mother had she not stepped aside and let her go.

Not knowing what else to do, she ran straight to other resistances trying to fight the Empire, but no one trusted her. So she ran until she hit Eorzea, figured she would try to undo some of the damage her people had wrought and maybe find a worthy death in the process. She keeps quiet about her Garlean heritage because a.) sore subject, she's not exactly proud, and b.) she knows from experience no one will let her help if she's honest about this.

This aspect of her is kept hidden until the bloody banquet, at which point rumors start to circulate that she was a Garlean chaos agent the whole time. Not wanting to get Haurchefant into trouble, she confesses this when seeking aid from House Fortemps, and it becomes an ill-kept secret as Isghardian gossip circles do what they do best. Thankfully, she's so good at killing that few seem to mind accepting her help by this point.

This entire time, she's hellbent on revenge against the Empire and wants nothing more than to tear it down no matter the cost. Garlemald will never change, not by any means more direct than being put to the sword, it's a stain on the map she wants removed permanently. Yes, there are good Garleans, but they're too few and too powerless, better to kill them all and be safe, they killed her sister for trying to bring "reform", their corruption and depravity has left her home beyond saving.

Ishgard is, at first, too close to home for her to feel comfortable. As far as she's convinced, Haurchefant is the only good man in the city, so when he dies, it hits her hard. That's what happens when you try to fix a broken system. All it does is kill the people who want to save it. Better to burn it down and start over from the ashes.

But then Aymeric has ideas, and Alphinaud still has just enough of the innocence of youth to hold fast to hope, and somehow, things start changing? And they're able to save people? And maybe Talia catches some pretty intense feelings for Aymeric watching him do what she thought was literally impossible and is realizing, oh no, oh no, I have to live up to what he and everyone else thinks of me. I CAN be better, oh no. If ISHGARD can change by having someone who believes in the people stand up for them, what am I doing by running away from Garlemald?

So, she makes the decision that, yeah, okay, maybe there's... something... here for her in Ishgard, she's come to love this place and these people, maybe some more than others, but she has to get Garlemald squared away before she can feel at ease staying here. She's gotta go personally boot the Emperor out of his chair and wrest power back for the people who just want to live in peace again. Then, maybe, she can come back here if certain people are willing to be patient while she gets this settled.

By Stormblood, between rumors and official confirmation, word gets back to Garlemald and to avoid scrutiny, Echidna legally and officially disavows her daughter and now everyone knows about this. Because Sera was dealt with quietly by their father, Talia's blamed for both murders and Garlemald claims she's a dangerous criminal willing to kill anyone for any reason. She's not thrilled, and fighting the rumors won't help, but it makes her presence in Ala Mhigo and Doma maybe more harmful than helpful while they're living under the Garlean propaganda machine. Enough people see what her motives are and she's able to start helping, but then Zenos shows up and reads her for filth.

He is, unfortunately, just close enough to right about her for it to get under her skin. All the progress she's made feels pointless when the personification of everything she hates about Garlemald sees himself in her rage and hatred and deep-seated bloodthirst for revenge no matter the cost.

She's made enough progress and has enough people she's let in now that she doesn't fall back into despair, but it still rattles her. She knows who she's been, and she knows who she wants to be, and she knows there's going to be a lot of dead Garleans between the two no matter what. But so long as she has these good people, these genuinely good hearted idealists who've seen the cost of hope and still hold onto it anyway, she'll be okay.

And then Alphinaud, the little boy who reminds her SO MUCH of her sister it's uncanny, who's been her one beacon of hope in this wretched place since the bloody banquet leaves to try and fix the home she ran away from, and she nearly loses her mind with worry. And then Garlemald tries to kill him too, and he falls into a soulless sleep like the rest of the scions. And now Emperor Varis is right here in front of her, ripe for the slaughter.

And here comes the old Talia, same as the new Talia, animalistic and single-minded in her need to destroy the Empire that just keeps taking everything from her.

[orime-stories]

A Knight’s Calling

Aurelle Silmontier - Final Fantasy XIV

-

Part two of the Warrior of Light's experiences in the Vault, where fate proves that things can always take a turn for the worse. Full story below the cut. (518 words) Previous Story / Next Story / Read on AO3 / Tumblr Masterlist

-

The shield clattered to the ground, pierced clean through. Aetheric residue lingering on the jagged edges of the wound, each pendulum swing of metal against stone slowing into stillness. Into silence.

Running to its weilder, now collapsed to the ground beside it. Red trailing from his mouth, each gasping breath slowing into stillness...

Circling her hands around what meager magic she had left. His hand closing on the bottom of her staff to stop her.

"No my friend," Haurchefant protested with a wheeze, as Aymeric knelt beside him to carefully cradle his head. Lifting him so he could see them all. So he could address them all. "We both know this one is too much. Even for... even for one as capable and worthy as you. You have given so much already—" He broke off into coughing, and she tried not to look at the jagged hole that had been torn right through him too. Still crackling with energies more powerful than the Heavens' Ward had any right to be wielding, leeching the aether from him in a way she didn't understand but she had to look, had to fix—

He shook his head once more, the effort shuddering through him. And she didn't want to hear it.

But she knew that he was right.

"Save your strength," he gasped. "The fight continues. And it needs... its hero." He reached a hand towards her, her staff clattering into solem rest beside his shield as she dropped to her knees to grasp it.

"Such sadness on your face," he continued, looking up at her, fond and calm. "A smile... better suits a hero."

She made herself do it. For him. Fought the wobbling of her chin and the prickling of her eyes to give him the biggest smile she could. A smile that she hoped said "I love you" and "I can't bear this" and "please please please don't go oh gods."

And she saw the peace settling across his face. The relief. The love there too.

Softening his last exhale.

The hand in her grasp fell limp.

Smile breaking, tears spilling down her cheeks. Looking desperately to the others kneeling around their fallen friend, the Archbishop all but forgotten and lost to the skies beyond.

Estinien was perfectly still, his mouth set in a grim line.

Lucia's eyes closed, head bowing with a weary release of breath.

Alphinaud watched on frozen, eyes wide and glistening.

Aymeric carefully lay Haurchefant back down against the stone, closing the man's eyes with a gentle efficiency. One that made her wonder just how many times he had been made to do this. How many brothers he had lost so needlessly to the dragons. And now to his own father.

His eyes held some measure of that resigned pain when they met hers, and she wondered if he yearned to comfort her as she yearned to comfort him. But even now there was a line they couldn't cross in public, it seemed. Still appearances to keep.

Heart breaking and nowhere safe to put it, she put her face into her hands and wept.

[unmeiha-arc]

woke up today thinking about post 4.3 when doma is finally free and once the initial celebratory high wears off koharu picks up drk and has a mental breakdown

thinking about the scions being very concerned because she's clearly not acting like herself — she's clearly not sleeping, her temper is worse, sometimes the way she speaks changes entirely; this is obviously a trauma response to finally being able to let go of all the baggage re: doma that she's been carrying since she arrived in eorzea but even then isn't this a bit weird for a trauma response? and what do you mean you're having memory blackouts and when you come to again you're drenched in blood and don't remember how that happened?? and hey maybe this new job you picked up isn't such a good idea you're not well and this is dangerous, are you really sure about this??

thinking about how her going through drk 30-50 terrified her because she felt like she was becoming someone else — something else — not entirely unlike how she currently feels about what's been happening to her since obtaining azem's crystal and slowly regaining azem's memories. she... didn't feel like she could stop in drk, like she was just stuck on a ride she couldn't get off of, also not unlike with azem's crystal, but unlike with azem's crystal she didn't actually want to stop. it was terrifying but it also left her feeling strangely liberated. there was a relief it brought her that was addicting and with fray, who she trusted implicitly against all reason, not only understanding but actively encouraging her, she kept chasing that high.

at the same time, she was being forced to confront a lot of the trauma and baggage she had been carrying re: both doma and being the warrior of light — which is precisely why she trusts fray so completely, even if she doesn't consciously understand why and every bone in her body says not to. well, that and the fact that fray/esteem is her. ("you knew fray was dead from the beginning, but you didn't care")

confronting esteem doesn't fix everything. she still carries a lot of guilt and hurt with her, and god knows it was not the healthiest way to deal with it, but she is infinitely better after drk 50 concludes... which... is probably a good thing, given 50-60 deals with themes of vengeance in the guise of justice, which is absolutely something she got a taste of in heavensward and then spent all of stormblood struggling with.

i've always kind of hc'd that estinien was a major supporting figure for her through stormblood; he was already kind of following the wol/scions through msq, so the main change being that he makes himself more known and is more able to help her keep a slightly more level head. he's the best person equipped for it, having lost his family and having to live with the subsequent survivor's guilt, devoting his life to fighting in a nigh unending war, and getting lost in a path of vengeance. she grew up in garlean-occupied doma, devoted 20 years of her life to the doman liberation front, lost her family to the razing while she was off saving eorzea instead of being there fighting with them and had to deal with the subsequent survivor's guilt, developing this deep, quiet anger through arr & hw until deluding herself into thinking that what she was doing in stormblood was for justice and the freedom of her people when it was just her own desire for vengeance.

and that support he gives her through stormblood sort of prepares her for the 50-60 arc in drk because she's able to easier recognize the signs in sid and acknowledge that hey, i've been there, i get it, but this isn't good for you or for rielle. you can talk to us, rely on us, and in turn i'll talk to and rely on you. something something trauma bonding.

and once she's worked through all of that, she's finally able to tackle 60-70, which... she was definitely not prepared for. the fact that myste looks like a combination of haurchefant and ysayle is one thing, but also being a child is. kind of a big thing for koharu personally, given 60-70 deals with guilt and loss and grief.

myste being a child is her grief for both the loss of her own childhood (which her parents tried to make as normal as possible, but there's only so much normality you can have in that kind of situation) and for the future she's already lost and the future she doesn't think she'll be able to have: she really!!! wants kids!!!! and the first time she let herself think about that kind of future was with haurchefant.

it's just... a lot to unpack on top of coming face to face with people who her actions as the warrior of light have directly impacted (the cousin of the heavens' ward knight, the woman who poisoned her in falcon's nest, the man she saved in quarrymill) and seeing the other side of the coin where, for some, she is a symbol of loss (which is great when you consider that she goes into shb after this and gets that bass boosted from emet-selch).

i still need to do proper in-depth metas on 50-60 and 60-70 but i've already rambled a lot here. the tl;dr is just that. she goes through all of this at the end of 4.3/before starting 4.4 — literally speed-runs drk in... idk, a few weeks/a couple months (i haven't settled on timeline yet) and the scions have to watch this happen and i was thinking about how they'd react/treat her and how that might affect their relationships going forward, if at all

because, like... she has this big mental breakdown/swaps from samurai to dark knight and then it immediately goes into the plotline of 4.4/4.5 with the empire attacking ghimlyt dark and the scions dropping like flies as the exarch summons them and i'm. is there really that much time to process that the wol just went through the equivalent of shock therapy and yeah she's still not 100% but somehow she's better than she was before the breakdown so maybe there isn't anything to worry about at all but at the same time are you sure you're okay? and then oop, summoned to the first where they don't even see her again for between 1 and 5 years, depending on the scion

and at that point it's like... yeah, they're all still the same people but they're also vastly different because of their time apart and i'm not sure when they really sit down to talk about that, if at all, because is it even worth addressing at that point, when everyone has become so different? (the answer is probably yes because she relies a lot on fray/esteem through shb to help combat the light and the scions get to see fray/esteem for the first time then and i have a hard time seeing them not saying something about it; meanwhile the exarch gives her a new drk sword* because he already Knows™ from the doomed timeline)

anyway, koharu's drk journey is wild, but that's kind of a given for anyone who goes through drk