#haunting me. tormenting. what is the pit? why is it that someone needs to be thrown in? what did they do?

[flowerpotmage]

heyyyy *throws you into the pit*

[suguru-getos]

Fleeting - Part I

Summary: Broken and bruised, is what your heart feels after losing the love of your life - Geto Suguru, in the hands of someone you barely know. Isn't it your duty to have Gojo Satoru dead at your feet?

Author's Note: Gosh TIS is ANGSTY>!!! I almost cried while writing this part :((

Chapter Summary: You have been told that Suguru is no more, how you cope up can be utterly frightening when there's nothing else to lose anymore.

You stood at the kitchen door, frozen, numb, eyes widened with the sheer panic of everything that befell. The environment around you just felt akin to pure desolation, the very marrow of your bone shattered, broken apart in endless pieces and it was impossible to bring you back. The endless void that Suguru created in your life, the deteriorating feeling of emptiness, hollowing you, sucking your soul up. "Where is he?" You managed to fight from the endless pit of anxiety that grew like a black hole. Mimiko and Nanako are scared to meet your gaze, the woman who's not much older than them but they still consider her as the epitome of love. For both of them, and, their precious Geto Sama.

Your eyes are not allowing the pent-up grief to escape, not a tear shall be shed for this. Never will. You can't wash off all the feelings of being notoriously tainted by Suguru's intensity, by his love. Your mind isn't thinking straight, you want answers, need answers. "I asked a question, Miguel." You asked someone else in the 'Family' that cherished you as much as they cherished Geto. "Please.." Manami, the woman who helped him do his due-diligence being a Cult leader cried out. She knows you will break apart, and they are not sure if they can handle a living corpse after losing Suguru-chan.

"Where is Sugu?" You asked again, desperation of clutching for the fleeting hope of him returning back, evidently smiling with his ever-so-loving, signature smile and warmth ensuing with his hugs. He couldn't… he shouldn't. HE COULDN'T!

"Y/N Sama" Nanako sniffled, running to you and hugging you tightly, loud sobs and wails of torment echoed the room as she fell to her knees. As if she's apologizing. Why is she apologizing? Where is Suguru? You just asked a simple question - where is Geto Suguru? The love of your life, the biggest piece of your heart, the reason of you existing and not dead at your own actions all those years ago.

"Y/N Sama- please don't ask this, you know he's gone… he said he would be the first to come home didn't he?"

You want to kill everyone in this room, you want to kill every sorcerer to exist, you want to kill yourself.

He did… he did promise you. Hugged you close and whispered how grateful he is to have you, over and over and over and over and over and over and-

Why did he have to leave you forever?

Why could he not let his heart beat for you?

"This- is mine." The flashback of Suguru's silky voice haunts you, as his looming, large hands point at the left side of your chest. "You have my heart, and I, have yours." He smiled, holding your hand and softly placing it on his naked chest. "So if this stops working -" He nuzzles against your chest, "Which it would never, because my heart would never give up on you… but if it does, know I've failed to protect you as a man."

"Gosh, so intense and for what" You push him away, rolling your eyes. "Both our hearts wouldn't stop working. You know why? Because - in this world, you bring out a smile in me."

Suguru was right, if his heart was in you - he didn’t fail to protect you, but you did. You're all alone now, the only shred of comfort if ever, in the grotesque way your heart is tattered apart, is the words of Suguru where he calls that 'his heart'. You know that's not true, you know better. Still, what else could you do?

You can't think of anything else, can't speak, can't eat. Time is a construct when it's your other half that you’ve lost.

You don't even remember that a week has passed with you staring at the wall, sleeping in the same bed that has the scent of your person.. fleeting… just like him.

You cry on the eighth day, you roar, you scream, you let the world know that you're here. Even if Geto Suguru is not, you're here.

What's worse than a lion? The king of the jungle, the apex predator?

An injured lion.

You.

All you can think of is how to make the ache in your heart settle, how to breathe again. Or perhaps, how to be worthy of death that you can grant yourself and re-unite with Suguru. What would it take to meet him again…

You drag yourself up from the bed, going to his closet and taking his perfume out, the whisking sound of it spraying all over echoes as you close your eyes, pumping it over and over and over and over and over- you can't afford to not smell like your lover. You are losing your mind- why doesn't everyone else die? Who killed him-

Right, who killed Suguru Geto?

Frantically, tear-stained and in an absolute mess, you opened the door. Stunned to see 'everyone' standing outside. You know why they were there, your screams and sobs were unimaginably painful. You were crying out in utter devastating, soul churning pain after all. None of them knew how to console you after all. How would you tell someone to be okay after they lose the light of their life?

"Who killed him?" You asked the question, looking at everyone.

"Gojo Satoru." Larue responded.

"Gojo Satoru.." You repeated, as if writing his name in red in your broken, bleeding heart. Writing his name in… blood red.

"His best friend?" You snorted, the denial turning you furious and unimaginably dangerous.

"We have a new mission, my family." You smiled. If it's revenge that can keep you alive, so be it.

[aikaterini-drag]

Chapter 13 Aching

Summary: Bucky is devastated at the way he treated Grace. While she, deals with his decision to hide his true intentions from her and leave her behind.

Warnings (this chapter): regrets, emotional Bucky, separation feelings, Tony Stark sass is here to make up for the sadness.

Find more chapters of the "Fading Scars" Series here ♡

Three hours had passed. Three excruciating hours since James had deceived and forsaken Grace. Three hours in which he couldn't rest nor free himself of his rueful conscience. Guilt was ripping him apart from the inside out. A boulder thrown at his face would have been better than the mental anguish he was experiencing.

Restless and consumed by anger, he raked his hands across his face in a futile attempt to erase the traces of his torment. He shook his head vigorously as if by sheer force he could expel the haunting memories that clung to him.  Clasping his hands together, he concentrated on the mission ahead of him, the only welcome substitute for his broken reality.

"You shouldn't have left her behind," Steve's voice broke through the silence as he approached. Clad in his signature navy blue suit, shield slung across his back, he settled beside Bucky, his elbows resting on his knees.

"Couldn't agree more. You made her cry," Sam added, joining the conversation.

"I didn't want to hurt her," Bucky said and swallowed heavily.

"Last time I checked, lying to someone is the main cause of pain," Sam said despite Cap's gentle nods to keep it low.

Bucky breathed out and looked at him. "Simply staying quiet would have sufficed, Sam."

"I'm not one to stay silent," Sam quipped, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Remind me, why exactly are you helping me?" Bucky addressed him and set his mouth into a thin line.

"Ask him," Sam said, pointing at the Captain. "He believes in you. And if Steve believes in you, then I support you too."

"Sam..." Steve said, curving his lips in a proud smile. "Now can you two stop bickering?"

Bucky just sighed. "I'll stop. Hydra is my primary concern."

A brief silence hung in the air until Sam spoke up again. "So, how do we track down Silas? We're navigating without a compass, flying blind."

"We can start attacking every Hydra base I know. There are at least six potential facilities," Bucky suggested.

"What makes you think this is worth our efforts?" Sam said with skepticism.

"Silas needs a base suitable for his dirty work," Bucky said. "He needs fortified facilities, medical rooms, torture chambers..."

"Do you think he has injected the serum by himself?" Steve asked, not excited at the idea of fighting against another super soldier.

"No. He won't risk it." Bucky exhaled. "He won't hesitate to use other test subjects, though. That serum is unlike any other serum ever created. It's impossibly strong, wicked even, formulated to poison the human body and mind. There's a high possibility that the person will lose his sanity after taking it. No human is strong enough to bear its power."

Sam's brows knitted. "And where does Grace fit in all this?"

"They're family, hence Silas wants to test it on her and analyze its side effects. That monster wants to sacrifice his daughter for the sake of a stupid experiment!" Bucky said with a sick, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Steve ground his jaw. "We'll get him. Let's start by infiltrating some of the possible Hydra facilities."

"I agree. I'm sure we'll eventually find some clues," Sam said. "What's our first location?"

Bucky cleared his throat before saying, "Hydra's Laboratories in North America.

▪️▪️▪️

Grace gazed outside the airplane window, her thoughts distant, lost in the vast expanse beyond the glass. Sunlight filtered through puffy clouds, casting a warm and inviting glow on the landscape below. Rolling hills and lush valleys passed by, a vibrant tapestry of nature's splendor. But her eyes remained vacant, her mind consumed by a storm of emotions that no view could dispel.

She groaned and shifted on her seat, evading the intruding sunlight that hit her eyes. Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes but she wiped them away and curled up in her seat with a heavy feeling in her chest. She should have known better. James was trained in the art of misleading people. And she was such a fool, melting into his arms, completely disregarding the signs until it was too late.

It irritated her that he had taken a personal risk so he could keep her safe.

Alarms were ringing in her mind because, despite his actions, she was worried about him. What if Hydra recaptured him? What if they tortured him beyond saving? What if she never saw him again? The fear of his absence, of never setting eyes on him again, clutched at her heart, refusing to loosen its grip. She attempted to push these thoughts aside, but they clung to her consciousness relentlessly.

The soft sound of boots clacking against the floor brought her back from her silent thoughts, followed by a soft hand cupping her shoulder. Grace cringed at the sudden touch and readjusted her position at the sudden disturbance. Her gaze met that of a woman draped in a tactical ensemble, vibrant crimson hair framing her face like a fierce halo. The piercing green of her eyes held a hint of mischief, and her lips were painted a deep red.

"Natasha?" Grace uttered, her eyes widened in pleasant surprise.

"Grace Landon, I was hoping our paths would cross again," Natasha replied, her lips curling into a warm smile.

"How long has it been?!"

Grace exclaimed, springing from her seat to embrace her in a swift, heartfelt hug. Natasha had been a constant presence in her life during the time when she was tasked with guarding her and her mother against Silas. They had grown close and turned into good friends.

"Over four years," Natasha answered, her tone carrying a sense of both nostalgia and regret.  "Grace... I'm so sorry about your mother. I—I failed—"

"Natasha, don't blame yourself for my mother. You did everything you could to keep us safe."

"I wish I could have done more." Natasha didn't have the heart to meet her eyes. She felt sorry for not being able to protect Grace's mother and for going on with her life when the poor girl had gone through so much on her own.

"I've never forgotten you all these years," Grace confessed, her voice a brew of gratitude and affection.

Natasha's eyes met hers, her demeanor softening. "Is that why you disappeared without a trace?"

"I'm sorry..."

Natasha sighed. "I thought you were dead ..."

"As you can see I'm still... I'm still out of power. What about you?"

"I've been following orders, going on missions."

Grace smiled. "I'm proud of you. You joined the Avengers. You seem to have found your place. And I'm sorry again. I should have kept contact with you."

"I understand," Natasha said. "It's all in the past now."

"James put you up to this, didn't he?" Grace said, a harsh breath escaping her. "Ah... even saying his name makes me angry."

"Barnes did this to protect you," Natasha said after pondering for a few seconds. "He's a good man."

Grace's frustration resurfaced. "I don't care. He shouldn't have agreed to this plan. Turn this jet around. I want to see him."

Natasha's tone was gentle but firm. "I can't do that."

Grace let out a bitter laugh. "This isn't fair. I'm being dragged along against my will."

"Bear with it for a little while." Natasha peered at the way her face had paled and for a moment there, she was vexed. Damn it, Barnes. The young spy was insecure about all this, but Steve had also agreed, so she had to follow the plan.

Grace rubbed her throbbing temples and asked, "Where are you taking me?"

"I'll let you know soon."

"That's not an answer."

"Grace, please try to be patient."

"I can't be patient. I've been manipulated into something I don't want."

Natasha's resolve wavered. "Alright. We're headed to the Stark Tower. New York."

"The Stark Tower?"

"Yes, you're to stay there until further notice." Natasha hesitated but continued, "I'll be there with you, providing whatever assistance you need."

Grace forced down the sickening feeling in her gut and exhaled. The Stark Tower represented safety and luxury, yet its walls felt like a gilded cage, confining her freedom. And Natasha wasn't staying with her just to make friends. She was there to guard her in case something went wrong.

"Will he ever return?" Grace muttered, her throat tightening.

Natasha didn't reply and that was answer enough.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Bedtime!

*After done packing, Mahiru dress up in some PJs - getting herself ready for bed and goes to lie down*

Today has been so tiring and things will get more tiring with Peko, I really need to sleep...

Ye-Yeah...sleep...goodnight...

*Mahiru closes her eye and then drifts off to sleep*

...

...

...

Hu-Huh...? Wh...Where am I...?

*Mahiru had found herself in the music room at Hope's Peak, she look around, she notice a smashed fish tank and the smashed window*

I'm back here, where it all began...why... am I back here?

Damnit, why... why am I here? What's going on...?

???: Nostalgia? As fond as your memories ever got? Or maybe…

???: It was just the only place where you wanted to forget and move on, not telling your pals and even covering for your best friend who found out about your past…

Na-Natsumi, what the hell! Show yourself right this instant!

*As then the very girl Mahiru call had appear before her behind the piano which she walk stood in front of her*

My my Mahiru Koizumi, it sure has been a while, hasn't it? I guess even if you try to move on and forget about little old me, your past will always haunt you...

Including how you decided to cover up my death for that Hatomi girl, make sure nothing bad happens to her.

Yeah and your older brother decided to kill her because he thinks an eye for an eye is the better choice, seriously what the hell do you want?

Oh sooo harsh Mahiru, we've known each other for years ever since middle school and yet you choose to ignore the past and move on, wanting to forget all the fun times we had together.

'Fun'? You call that fun?! I got tormented by you all the way through middle school, you made middle school nothing but hell for me; putting a flower on my desk, ripping up my photos, driving people away from me and I was so damn glad to be away from you, you god damn bitch!

You were nothing but some bully that I want nothing to do with you, especially after what you did to Kats-!

And that includes me dying too? Is that how far you want me away from you, is that how deep your hatred goes...?

We-Well...I...

I...I mean...I wouldn't wish death upon you... I just...I...I just wanted to move on from you but...

Hmph and all because you were scared that someone would get hurt that you decided to not say anything, right? But yet again who would believe you;

Your daddy dearest is sooo useless that he let it happen, your mommy was way too busy, my brother loves me way too much to do anything, or that tool my father would strike in the instance, that useless bitch of a dancer that think she's sooo tough that instantly someone strikes her back she'll cry about it like she mentally stunted toddler, how about that mentally retarded musician or that attention whore of a nurse...? That's right, you couldn't say a damn thing!

Le-Leave my parents and friends out of this, they have nothing to do with this and I won't let you ruin my future just because you got caught, are you sure your brother is going to love you hearing all that shit coming out of you?!

Hmph, you sure are damn gutsy, Mahiru. After everything that happen with that best friend of yours... to me...! She might as well saying she was in love with you and to be your little knight in shiny armor, you fucking disgusting pitful hypocritcal bitch!

I...I don't know what your talking about...

An-And neither would you since your dead, HOW would you even know anything about Hatomi and me you good for noth-!

Oh... am I not being clear? Then...

Maybe I should spell it out for you and show why you'll NEVER escape me...

Wh-What are you-?

*BLINK!* *BLINK!* *BLINK!*

*As then Mahiru and Natsumi are on a stage and everyone in the audience cheers on the performance*

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE WE ARE THE SAD AND SORRY ESCUSE OF LONEY MAHIRU KOIZUMI!

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader fanfic idea (Part 2)

So here we are, Incel!Shinsou is back and this time with a bit of growth that he needs to make independently (While thinking about the reader of course. Thank you so much to @blossominglark for sending in such a lovely message! Also here you can find a small explanation as to why i even started the Incel!Shinsou series.)

"I think I want you. I think you're bad. I think you're good, it's like the love I never had. I think I need you. Oh God, it's true. I think I'm falling and there's nothing I can do" - Beetlejuice Chill by Life After Youth

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 3: Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader (1/2)

How difficult could it be? To forget that you ever existed... thats what's haunting Shinsou ever since the conversation you two had a few days ago. He cant seem to focus anymore, everything just reeks of you. (His own bedroom where you two would sit on the floor and work on your project together. You would laugh at something that came on the television, every time resulting in his face heating up and heart beating harder at the sound, the beautiful sound, of your laughter. It doesn't feel the same anymore. He cant sit or sleep there anymore.) Shinsou starts speaking with Aizawa more, to be honest its not like Aizawa gave him that much of a choice. He needed to understand what was happening with his son and you in order to help or bring some constructive input.

Shinsou goes on and on about how he mocked you to his "friends". When questioned on his "friends" he said that they were all telling him that you needed to be taught how to be a "proper woman" the "perfect girl for them".

("Hitoshi what-...why would you...?"

"I don't know! It made sense when i was young and- i... i dont understand how or why and...please just- help me i dont understand!"

"It's ok, it's ok, come here." Aizawa hugs Shinsou tightly. He starts running his hand over Shinsou's hair comforting him.

"What did you show them? What did you tell them about...her, exactly?") A mess of tears and regrets, thats what Shinsou is. A puddle which he somehow drowned you in out of a bitter rage that had nothing to do with you.

Aizawa finally holding a grasp as to how Shinsou's mind worked, he couldn't help but feel defeated. He neglected his son so much he became bitter and resentful towards the wrong people, the wrong person. (Aizawa only ever told Shinsou that his mother moved away from them because it was "too much for her". Young Shinsou couldn't grasp why his mom would leave him, but again he never really asked questions since he saw how upset it made his dad. "Dont worry Hitoshi, ill be here for you no matter what. Got it, problem child?") An intervention needs to be made now. To prevent even more damage, to keep his son safe and his sons ex-friend safe.

"Hitoshi? The posts and things you put online, you need to delete everything now." Urgency was a must, damage control needed to happen now. Who knows if Shinsou wrote about where he lived, where you lived and studied at, if he showed those "friends" of his your face. Who knows how much information he put out there to a bunch of strangers about you. "Ok, ok. Let me delete everything...yeah...thats-yeah...makes sense." He's slipping, Shinsou is slipping into a pit of shock and disgust, he needs to fix things and that only starts by wiping away years of miss informed opinions disguised as truths.

Everything is gone. No more accounts. No more pictures. No more you. He didn't make any announcements or even address why he was wiping everything. He didn't answer the piles of questions flooding his inbox about why he was doing all of this, he just didn't care anymore. He couldn't find you either. No account on any platform with any signs of you. (He should have asked for your socials, but knowing where you two started off at he thinks its better that you two didn't. It saved you from his incessant torment he saw himself being capable of.)

Week one came and went. You didn't show up for classes and people started to take notice.

"Does anyone know why y/n isn't at school anymore? Is she sick?" Midoriya asked one day. Everyone kind of just looked at each other hoping that someone might have an answer. Be it that no one other then Shinsou was in the same class as you, everyone in his friend group knew about you since you where always nice despite the way you presented clothing wise. (The clothing didn't matter nor did the labels, you were still so welcoming to everyone. Hell, you even welcomed Monoma and that guy is considered psycho by everyone.) Shinsou couldn't do anything but listen to his friends (Midoriya, Shoto, Denki, Mina, Iida, and Ururaka) go on about how nice you were. How they miss you. He misses you . He ruined this, he ruined your school experience and pushed you to lose the friends you had because of his own ignorance. He forced you to choice between showing up to school and dealing with him or not coming in at all and losing the friends you had because of him.

The Sports Festival was coming up soon, here all the students would compete against each other to show off their skills. The Festival acts more as an opportunity for the different Courses to fight each other since its focus centers on the physical strength and wellbeing of the students instead of their study of focus. It also helps with publicity by letting UA show off their students to the general public. (Shinsou didn't understand why the school would have a Sports Festival. UA was better known for being STEM and Art focused which meant that many of the students only had to take 1 year of P.E. instead of the 3 years other schools required.

"So again, what's the purpose of this?"

"Its just a chance for the different Courses to bully each other, and for the General Course to get mocked." responded Togeike. Be it that she never spent time with Shinsou, they both had a mutual attitude and just stayed away from each other out of disinterest. It wasn't after Shinsou's personality changed did she feel more comfortable being around him and started speaking to him casually throughout the day.

"So what does the Business Course do during-"

"Hey, didn't you and y/n work on that project together?" This caught Shinsou of guard. For the past week its all been about you and how you hadn't been coming to class. (You haunt him even outside of school, the guilts too much for him at times.)

"Yeah...what about it." he snarls. Just because he's changed in appearance and largely in attitude, that doesn't mean he's over the way he treats people. Cant she get to the point already-

"Geez man, i just wanted to ask if you needed her number." That...was off. Why would she assume that he needed your number?

"Why would you give me her number? Don't you think that as former project partners i would already have her-"

"You're clearly upset about her not being here, so shut up. Either take it or leave it, jackass." she bit back. How did she know? Shinsou has always had a resting bitch face which made it hard to read his emotions. How did she manage to figure it out? (God he was an asshole!)

"Yeah, please....i'm sorry. I could-"

"Please shut the fuck up, i don't want an apology from you. Take it and fix this shit. I hate seeing people mope and you're pretty much dying in a pit here." Togeike really gives no fucks and she was tired of the purple haired boy looking like a kicked puppy. She assumed it had something to do with you. When you started skipping class, Shinsou also started to look upset and wouldn't speak that often. It wasn't like Shinsou was shy, he just didn't see the need to speak all the time. So to see him become even more silent was concerning.)

He left school that day with a skip to his step. He has your number! He has a way of contacting you! Yet, he still knew that having your number wouldn't fix anything. You left him alone and it wouldn't be fair for him to barge back into your life without proving he's improving, that he's actually deserving of you're friendship at least....

The Sports Festival.....

He can prove himself to you there....

Everyone will see it, every student at UA has to be there for credit....you'll have to be there. You'll also have to participate for the start of it, so you'll have to interact with someone.

(This was it)

This was so much fun to write! Lets give this a slow build up to give him proper character development and redemption. The next part will be the Sports Festival and what he plans on doing to get you back. Let's set up that his intention is too for one, make an impression on the school for when he decides to transfer to the Art Course but also to make an impression on you and get you to notice him in a positive light. Our poor incel is trying his best ok....

[inmyownlaine]

Hi,love your writing and was wondering if I could request a John Murphy fluff/angst based on season 2or3 where the reader and him get in an argument about him ‘being with Emori’ but he likes the reader?

John Murphy x Reader: Promises

*Absolutely! Thank you for the suggestion. Also, let's just act like I haven't been MIA for literal months :)

GIF//

Warnings: None to my knowledge!

Word Count: 2078

────────────────────────────────────────────

“Don’t go,” you begged, grabbing Murphy’s hand as it swung carelessly behind him. When your fingers touched his skin, Murphy stopped immediately. He inhaled heavily through his nose, trying to control the sadness and desire that you sent rippling through his body.

“Murphy, please,” you whimpered.

Murphy’s shoulder dropped as he let the single strap of his backpack slide down his arm. Your eyes lit up, hoping that was a positive sign. Hoping that you were enough to make him stay.

“I can’t.”

“You can,” you said assertively. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he replied, apologetic eyes looking at you between half-closed eyelids. He was right. You didn’t understand. He had nothing to apologize for. He didn’t have to prove himself to you. Or ask for your forgiveness. None of the things that his blue eyes seemed to convey.

“You don’t need redemption.”

“But if I go now, maybe when I come back-”

“What?” you interrupted. “Everything will suddenly be different?”

“Is it so wrong to want that?” he questioned softly, a shaky sigh leaving his body. You tightened your grip, white knuckles against red calloused ones. Just another casualty of his bad temper.

“Of course not. But you’re not going to fix anything by leaving. You need to stay. Stay and show them who you can be. Don’t leave and prove them right.”

Murphy dropped his head, fixated on your two hands intertwined. There was a lot more going on than the surface discussion. You danced around being in love by using double meanings and knowing glances. This wasn’t about him leaving to find himself. It was about him leaving you.

Glassy eyes meet together in a flurry of uncertainty and passion. The pit of your stomach churned as Murphy leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. They barely touched before he pulled away, eyes closed. It was a kiss that you never wanted to experience, especially being your first.

You knew he was leaving.

“Don’t cry,” he told you, hearing a sniffle escape. His eyes still rested, he quietly spoke, “I will be back. I promise. I have something to come back to.”

“Murphy, I-”

“I promise.” He now faced the reality of the situation, confronting his fears head on as he stared into your bloodshot eyes. There was no way he would ever be the cause of this again. He just needed one chance to make you proud. To clear his name.

“I promise.”

────────────────────────────────────────────

The taste of dirt and sweat caused you to gag as you were manhandled into the unknown. You had no idea why you were the target of a kidnapping. If anything, you laid low and kept to yourself. Regardless, you followed the directions given to you, fearing what would become of your life if you didn’t.

“I’ve brought you some company!” the voice behind you bellowed. You jumped at the sudden noise, interested in the way he practically sang the announcement.

“Who?” another voice asked, seeming alert and slightly panicked. You knew this voice anywhere and it quickly became clear why you were here. Even still, you obeyed the commands given. If you spoke a word, made any noise, it would be the end of your life.

“Worried, are we?” The man started to laugh heartily as you continued to walk. Every thundering step matched the beating of your heart. What would happen when you finally stopped?

There was no response, so the man began to speak. “Someone who wouldn’t shut up about you. Scared for you. Desperate to see you.”

As if being captured weren’t enough, this was just plain humiliating. He didn’t have to recount all the times you pined after Murphy while he was gone. You lost track of the months it had been since you last saw him. This was not how you wanted to reunite.

“Who. Is. It?” Murphy asked yet again. It was dark and menacing. A resemblance of a person that he used to be. You knew that would always be a part of him. Especially when it involved people that he cared about.

“A girlfriend?” the man guessed. You cringed hearing that word, tormenting and taunting you of what never was. But how Murphy replied was even more heartbreaking.

“Emori?” The man began to cackle once more as Murphy cursed and threatened his life. It was terrible to hear the intensity of his love. How much he cared for someone else while you turned others down, waiting for him.

The man gave you one last shove, causing you to fall to your knees. Through minute gaps in the woven sack over your head, you finally caught an amber hue of light. You groaned in pain, trying your best to stay upright with your hands tied behind your back.

There was a brief moment of silence before another outburst broke out. This time, you heard the scuffling of feet against the floor. Fabric harshly rubbed against a scratchy surface. It sounded like an attempt to escape.

“Let her go!” Murphy yelled.

“Why would I do that? I have everything I need, now. Except for the information.”

“Just let her go and I’ll tell you, okay? I’ll tell you everything,” Murphy frantically said.

“But I’m having so much fun. Maybe just one...little…” A cold blade touched your neck, causing a shriek to escape your throat. He put an ounce of pressure against your rapidly thumping artery.

“I swear to God if you hurt her I will kill you!” Murphy’s voice was full of anguish as it broke here and there. It was a frequency in which you had never heard from him. It was harrowing to witness.

The knife was removed from your neck. In a series of exchanges, Murphy gave him the answer to every single question he asked. When the interrogation was over, you were picked up and moved to a new area. Here, you were tied once more around my stomach.

Then, without warning, the bag was removed from your head. You could barely take in my surroundings before Murphy called your name. Tears fell from your eyes as you saw, for the first time in months, John Murphy. Though you had to admit, he looked worse for wear.

“Murphy,” you cried back, wanting more than anything to be able to touch him. To hug him. To take in his scent. You had been without this man for way too long.

“That’s sweet,” the man, who you could now identify as Titus, interrupted. “But I’ve got what I wanted. For now.” And with that, he turned on his heel and exited the room, leaving you and Murphy alone.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Murphy asked immediately.

“I’m fine,” you replied. “But you don’t look good at all.”

“Yeah, well, being tortured does that to a person.”

“He tortured you?” you questioned, breath leaving your body. Picturing someone hurting Murphy made you sick.

“A few times,” he shrugged.

You wanted to be happy. You wanted to ask him about his trip. You wanted to know if he discovered himself. If he found who he truly was. But you couldn’t get past the fact that he said another girl’s name.

You never claimed to be anything more than friends, but you thought it went without saying. A person doesn’t just kiss someone before they leave. Or promise that they would come back to you.

“I hate that I have to see you like this,” Murphy finally said, breaking the silence. “I always imagined coming back to camp with Jaha’s group. We just saved the human race, or something like that. But it didn’t matter, because I was looking for you.”

“Not Emori?” you mumbled, mustering up the courage to be so bold. Murphy’s eyes grew wide as he avoided your haunting gaze.

“Look, it wasn’t supposed to- she just- we were,” he tried to explain, slumping over in the process.

“I waited for you. Every day,” you admitted. “The last thing I did before I went to bed was look out the gate for you. Every morning I woke up with the hope that it would be the day you came back to me.”

You started to sob, recounting the loneliness that you felt. And the fear of not knowing Murphy’s fate. Were you holding out for someone who was dead? Was it hopeless to wish that he would keep his promise?

“I turned people down. I kept faith in you. I told everyone how proud I was. And then to know that you weren’t keeping me with you at all. I wasn’t even a passing thought.”

“It’s not like that,” Murphy said.

“But it is. She’s your girlfriend.”

“I don’t- love her,” he said softly, swallowing hard enough to make his entire throat bob up and down.

“Then what?” You were at the tipping point with Murphy. Exasperated with his short answers and frustrated with the secrets he was holding. If he wouldn’t be honest with you now, there was no way you would ever be with him in the future.

“I’ve been through a lot. More than I expected.” He stared into the distance, seemingly void of emotion. It was like he was lost, trying hard to remember something that he pushed away. “I was trapped. By myself. 86 days. You know how I spent that time?”

You shook your head in response. He was still burning holes in the wall, but somehow knew that you replied. He smirked slightly before saying, “I thought about you. And how good it would feel to see you once I was out. Granted, I went absolutely crazy in there, but you kept me as sane as I could be.”

You couldn’t help but to chuckle at this. “I can’t imagine you any more psychotic than you are now.”

“Is that so?” he bantered, catching you out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re a freak,” you teased.

“Why? Because I’ve killed a few people?”

“Yeah, that probably contributes.” The two of you shared a smile, falling back into old patterns. You missed having a person that you could shamelessly be yourself around. The quick wit and sly comments were always absorbed and thrown back by Murphy. No one else stood a chance against you.

“When he said he had someone,” Murphy carried on, “you’re the first person I thought of. But it seemed impossible until I saw you. I don’t know what came over me. I- I was blind with rage. I tried to fight my way out. Because if he hurt you-”

Murphy couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. You didn’t need him to. You knew what was left to say. You heard the distinct difference, the silence that fell, when he realized you were the captured person and not Emori.

“I know that doesn’t make any of this right, but I just wanted that feeling of safety that you gave me. And Emori was there. I misplaced it. And I’m sorry,” Murphy apologized.

“What about Emori, then?” you pressed.

“She’s a good person, and she will understand. I just couldn’t live with myself if I left you again.”

“You mean that?” Murphy simply nodded, outstretching his fingers in your direction. Even though you couldn’t hold hands, the sentiment remained as you reflected his actions. You were two people trying to make your own light in the darkest of situations.

“I love you,” you managed to choke out, taking in the dried blood on his hairline and the bruises on his skin. His pant leg was ripped at the cuff and his hands were caked in dirt. You needed him to know that no matter what happened, now and forever, that he could carry this with him. Even after death, if fate so decided.

“I love you, too,” he said, without hesitation or a second thought. It was something he wished he had told you the night he decided to leave. The only thing he regretted once he left the compound.

But he had the chance to fix all of that. And in that moment, he swore that once you escaped, he would always be there to protect you. He would always console you and your wondering thoughts. He would love you the way that he should have a long time ago.

He promised he would always find a way to come back to you.

He promised he would never leave.

He promised.

**Hey, it's Lainey. Slightly embarrassing but I am back from the grave! I hope you all enjoy this and still love Murphy as much as I do <3

[cherrybombwritesstuff]

Guardian of the Shrine

Tengu Kirishima x Fem Reader fic

Explicit/Smut

This is part of the Citrus Dome server collab Gods AU! 

Masterlist coming soon @lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten​

ENJOY!

Black, swirling shadows circled your ankles, reached out to capture your fingers as you instinctively flinched away; legs stuck in their place as though encased in blocks of ice. Your own gasping breaths filled your ears along with your thudding heartbeat. Despite how much you willed your eyes to shut they remained open, unblinking and staring at the inky void before you. The shadows rushed together, spiraling and entwining around each other until a tall figure formed in the distance. Angled shoulders jutted out each side, obscenely long arms dripped out of the writhing mass and they shakily began to reach forward, reach for you. Your mouth hung open in a silent scream, eyes wide in horror as the figure shunted closer still. 

“Never...forgive…” 

The words drilled into your ears. Long, black tendrils of hair slithered about the being’s shoulders and didn’t stop when they reached the floor, pooling around the creature’s pale ankles as more of it’s flesh became visible. The hair crept forward, inching its way to your trapped feet no matter how much you tried to squirm and writhe out of your stuck position. 

“I’ll never...forgive…”

The summer air was thick as you gulped it down, chest rising and falling as you gasped for air. Your blankets were a twisted mess crumpled at your side. Sweat dappled your skin as you lay sprawled out on your futon, back in the comforting darkness of your room. A soft whimper left your dry lips as you wiped your forehead and tried to steady your racing heart. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness you reached to your side, grabbing hold of the talisman you had kept from your childhood.

“Baku-san.” you said between breaths, “Baku-san, come eat my dream.”

Morning sun streamed through your modest home and you stirred awake. The horrors of the night were still fresh in your mind, yet it appeared as though the Baku had consumed any further nightmares and you were able to sleep peacefully until the morning. With a groan, you pulled yourself from your blankets and straightened them out before you began your morning ritual. Your first task was to leave a piece of candy on your pillow for the zashiki warashi who had kindly taken up residence in your home. From a very early age you had been able to see and interact with yokai, something you had always considered a blessing rather than a curse. Your parents would catch you talking to guestroom children, or sneaking a bottle of fine sake outside for the troublesome tanuki. 

You wandered barefoot outside, patches of sunlight warming your skin as you collected water to wash. The forest was calm, quiet other than the birds and wind as it whistled through the bamboo. The water was a cold addition to the chilly morning breeze, but it was a welcome necessity, waking you up for the full day of tasks ahead. Fully dressed with your hair pinned up, you prepared a simple lunch and packed it along with a container of water and your broom. Your isolated home was a short walk from the shrine, but admittedly those stairs made your thighs ache. Respectfully bowing at the Torii, you noticed the path was mercifully clear of leaves and debris, a testament to your hard work. 

After purifying at the chozuya, you continued to the shrine which was looking much better than the pitiful state you found it in. It had long been abandoned, possibly because of the overwhelming yokai activity in the area, though many of the stories you heard could have been attributed to bandits and wandering thieves. You had restored it to the best of your abilities, cleaning away dead plants and moss where you could. The warm sun streamed against the shrine, highlighting the dips and curves of the long nosed Tengu mask that sat there. You reached the top and clapped your hands once before pressing your palms together in prayer. Silently asking for purification, for release from the blackness that haunted your dreams and followed your every footstep. The shadow was the reason you moved away from your town, choosing the seclusion of the forested mountains to protect your loved ones. It had been your hope that by pleasing the yokai you could find help, something to appease the darkness or banish it from your life entirely. But it only seemed to be getting closer with every night that passed. 

"Good morning." You said brightly as you could muster. 

Setting your food aside, you took your broom and started sweeping. The shrine needed regular upkeep and you were the only person available for miles around. At first, your intention had been a trade, for the guardian of the shrine to protect you from whatever it was that tormented you. As time went on, attending to the shrine brought you a sense of peace, as well as something of a companion in your self imposed solitude. After briefly tidying up, you sat at the shrine and unwrapped your food. 

"It's going to be a sunny day today, I should be able to visit the lake without getting caught in the rain." 

It was quiet. The only replies you could hear were from the chirping morning birds. It would always be a one way conversation, but you could feel an unmistakable presence in this place. Someone or something would always listen to you. 

"I um. I dreamed about him again. I think at this point, Baku-san may grow fat from the dreams I ask him to take…"

Dread pooled in the pit of your stomach. An unpleasant squeeze at your chest caught your breath as you tried to take a few more bites of rice. 

"I don't think I have much time. I can feel it getting closer to me…" 

Your smile faded, eyes stinging with unshed tears before you could gather yourself in front of the shrine. 

"But I'm not giving up! A-and I'll keep coming here as long as I can…I don't want you to be lonely again." 

A surge of despair was the very first feeling that hit you the first time you ascended these steps. The shrine had been forgotten and whatever lingered here abandoned along with it. The overwhelming wave of sadness that enveloped you that day completely distracted from your own plight. Originally the plan was to ask for help, but it was apparent there was something here that needed it more. 

"Maybe if it reveals itself, I can talk to it and find out why it's so angry…" 

You weren't fooled by your own shaky tone and apparently, neither was the being in the shrine. As you finished your half of the food, warmth began to radiate from the Tengu mask. It draped over your shoulders like a comforting blanket, easing your nerves as you sighed out your frustrations. With every visit, the presence grew stronger as though you could almost reach out and touch a tangible being. 

"Thank you…" 

As much as you wanted to remain there, the day's list of tasks was long and if you wanted to sustain yourself, you had to get started. You stood and took hold of the empty lunchbox from yesterday, leaving half of your food behind to share with your only friend out here. It was always gone by the time you came back, though you couldn't exactly prove who was finishing it off. Dusting off your knees, you respectfully bowed and said your goodbyes before heading back down the steps to the shrine and into the forest. Heat rose along with the sun. Splashing your face with the clear water of the lake helped somewhat and you hoped the locals wouldn't mind. You left a new batch of cucumbers floating there, knowing the Kappa would appreciate them and, who knows, maybe they could eventually help ward off your demons. There was still hope but your heart grew heavier as the day went on. A full day of chores would ensure you slept despite your fear, though you couldn't help but wonder if you would even wake up again the next morning. 

With aching feet you trudged back through your door, announcing your return out loud for your own benefit. The candy left out had mysteriously disappeared which brought the touch of a smile to your cheek. The sun burned an angry red as it disappeared over the horizon, forcing yourself to light the lanterns around your modest home. Your limited crops had been tended to, bamboo and wood had been chopped and you had collected enough water for your bath, which you sorely needed by now. After a simple meal, you washed the labours of the day from your skin before climbing into the steaming tub for a soak. The hot water soothed your aching muscles, but the heat couldn't penetrate that cold, sickly feeling in the pit of your stomach. It was there. Its presence was weak, but it grew with every passing hour of the night. The shadows around you flickered in the low light of the lantern flames, at least that's what you told yourself. Movement kept grabbing your attention, twitching at the corners of your eyes until you sharply turned to glance behind you. 

Nothing, nothing you could see with a naked eye that is. You released a breath you had been holding and rubbed your eyes, looking again just to make sure. This time something did catch your eye, small and unassuming but it hadn't been there a second ago. You rose out of your bath, wrapping a towel around you as you closed in on the unfamiliar object. Your eyes adjusted and you recognised a long, black feather placed neatly on the ground by the door as though it were waiting for you. Instinctively you picked it up and immediately you could feel a tingling warmth radiating up your fingertips. Its origin was a mystery but for some bizarre reason, holding it brought you comfort. Given the amount of yokai you had been trying to appease, it could have been a gift from any one of them. Maybe this could bring you peace tonight. With a hopeful smile you quietly thanked the gifter before changing into your night wear and letting your hair down. Your intention was to place the feather under your pillow before you slept, that was until you threw back the covers to your futon.

Hidden underneath was the shattered remains of the Baku charm. The amulet that had protected you from nightmares since childhood lay in pieces, sadistically spread out beneath your blankets for you to find. A helpless whimper escaped you before you could stop it. Exhaustion from the relentless dread and the days work enveloped your limbs regardless of your discovery. With a heavy sigh, you collected the pieces and sadly gathered them in a pile at the side of your bed. Kneeling at its side, you clutched the feather close to your chest, its softness bringing you a little comfort, but it couldn't banish the darkness that was now rapidly closing in. An uneasy pang twisted your gut and you opened your eyes, frantically looking around your room. Breath caught in your throat when you noticed small, scattered holes in the Shoji. Against your better judgement, you crawled a little closer to inspect them, only to be met with the staring mokumokuren. Instantly you jumped back in fright, shuffling away from what must have been dozens of disembodied eyes, completely trained on you. They weren't here to harm you however, they were here to watch. 

The air turned thick and suffocating, like a miasma of oppressive fear. The shadows around you curled and moved, revealing their true forms of long tendrils of black hair. You shook your head in disbelief, gasping for breath as it slithered from the corners of your room. 

"...never forgive…" 

Those words hit you into reality and you scrambled to your feet on trembling limbs. A ghostly white set of hands shifted through the wall, long fingers reaching for you. Fear gripped your body, the only command that echoed through your head seemed to be whispered over and over outside the house; run. Almost tripping over your own feet, you turned on your heel to flee. A searing, white hot pain hit your shoulder, forcing your torso to twist as you hurtled out of the door. Landing hard on your knees, you paused to look back, horrified to find a burning black hand print on your bare shoulder. Heavy footsteps thundered through your home, pale arms and feet almost glowed in the darkness and you recognised the figure lurching towards you as the same one that haunted your nightmares. His hair almost reached the ground, twisting around his jagged shoulders. Dressed entirely in white robes that enveloped his gaunt figure. Black, sunken circles sat where his eyes should have been. His pace was slow, until a random jerk of movement pulled him forward, closer to you. Inwardly you begged your limbs to move, fingernails scratching at the dirt to drag yourself away. 

"I'll never...forgive you…" 

What did those words even mean? It seemed as though you would die tonight never knowing. Your eyes burned with tears as you crawled further away. A flash of red fur caught your attention, snapping your head to look at the path before you. A fox stood inches from you, its golden eyes locked on yours before it turned and dashed towards the forest trees. It stopped before disappearing, glancing back at you, waiting for you to follow. His fur seemed to glow, sending a sliver of hope to your stomach and it pulled you to your feet. Foxes were messengers, this had to be the help you had been looking for. The creature was fast but wouldn't let you lose sight of it, stopping every now and then to allow you to keep following up the steps of the shrine. The darkness continued to trace your footsteps, blackness curling through the ground like an infection spreading, filling everything it touched. You stumbled on the stone in your bare feet, lungs burning as you finally reached the top, only to have that same searing pain from before grasping around your ankles. You fell hard on your stomach, kicking at the creature as tendrils of black hair began to travel up your legs. 

"Let go!! I didn't do anything to you!" you cried out as it climbed over your body. 

"I'll never forgive you!" It roared back in response. 

The fox shrieked, its fur bristling as it faced the ghostly creature. The pain on your legs subsided and your attacker snarled as it suddenly retreated back. Light pooled at the base of the shrine, gently swirling around you and creating a barrier which the being refused to touch. It was cool to the touch, bringing some relief to your burning skin. Long black feathers started drifting around you, floating gracefully to the ground and you realised the creature's attention was no longer on you, it was staring above your head at something that stood behind you. d, straight past you. 

“Why are you still here?” 

The voice was unfamiliar, yet oddly soothing. You turned away from the monster to find yourself gazing up at a man, face covered in the Tengu mask from the shrine and shoulders obscured by two large, feathery wings. He stepped around you, protective light surrounding him as he placed himself between you and the gaunt man. 

“She...She’s gone… it’s their fault. Their fault...THEIR FAULT!” 

You covered your ears as the spirit wailed, cowering behind the tall being as he relaxed his wings, creating a wider guard between you. 

“This girl isn’t who you’re looking for. Your love died years ago…” 

The black hair was retracting, slithering back to a shorter length around the creatures shoulders. It shook its head, bony fingers clawing at its scalp as it’s shrill voice dissolved into a whimper.

“Their fault… theirs…” 

The winged man reached out, resting a large hand on the spirit’s shoulder.

“Your love died in childbirth right?”

A pathetic wail escaped his crooked mouth. You peered around your protector’s robes, your heart stopping when you noticed large tears oozing out of the creature’s sunken eyes.

“Let go of your grudge my friend. Then you’ll be able to see her, she’s been waiting for you.” 

Time seemed to halt around you. Falling feathers slowed mid air and a deafening silence swept through the forest.  The monster’s visage seemed to crack, peeling away like rust to reveal a dark haired young man, tears streaked across his face. The kind being gently turned his shoulder, inviting him to cast his eyes to the bottom of the steps to the shrine. She stood inside the archway, a beautiful young woman dressed in white. The spirit whispered her name before heading down the stone steps. The black infection that stained the ground retreated with every step he took, disappearing completely when he closed the gap between him and the smiling woman. Swirling light surrounded the both of them, but before you could witness their fate, the winged man turned to face you, intentionally blocking out the event as time began to flow normally once again. 

“You’re safe now!” he said brightly, head tilted to the side. 

You simply couldn’t find the words, not after what you had witnessed. Hell you couldn’t even make sense of it yet. The roaming light faded, leaving you both bathed in the moonlight. 

“Are you alright?” he questioned after a brief silence, taking a moment to remove the mask. 

He seemed not to notice your eyes widen as you took in the sight. Beneath the mask was the face of a man, high cheekbones surrounded by spikes of red hair. After the night’s events nothing really should have surprised you, yet you still felt unprepared for how handsome he was…

“I-I um… what...who was that person?” 

He knelt down by your side, taking your comparatively small hand in his while resting the other on your shoulder. The danger was gone, but you were still shaking. 

“That was an Onryo… from what I can tell he’s been haunting your family for generations.” 

His matter of fact tone caught you off guard, yet you nodded as though you understood. 

“I...I see. And um...wh-who are you?” 

His eyes widened and he scratched at the back of his head. His mouth curved in a wide, embarrassed smile that revealed two rows of sharp teeth. 

“Oh yeah! Probably should have introduced myself huh? My name is Kirishima Eijirou, this is my shrine.” 

His tone was bright and welcoming, a stark contrast to the horrors you had faced moments ago. He read your blank expression and let out a sympathetic chuckle.

“Let me get you home… you’ve had a rough night huh?” he grinned before slipping his powerful arms beneath you and lifting you off of the ground. 

You could feel your cheeks burning as he held you against his broad chest, bare skin showing through flowing, open robes. He walked down at a steady pace, as though you weighed barely anything to him as he carried you. 

“Um… Kirishima?” 

He hummed in response, looking down at you in anticipation. You held your breath, sure that your cheeks were turning the same colour as his hair. 

“Do you know why I was being targeted by that spirit? You seemed to know who he was…”

He cleared his throat and glanced away for a moment.

“Oh uh, I was looking into it for you. I could feel it clinging to you when you first started visiting the shrine… so I asked for some help!” 

You studied his face as he spoke, a little taken by his sculpted jawline and in the limited light it almost looked as though his cheeks were turning a warm shade of pink. 

“The Baku told me about your dreams, it wasn’t difficult to figure it out from there. I just had to find the person he was mourning.” 

It didn’t seem as easy as he was making it sound. 

“His love died in childbirth a few generations back. Looks like he was shunned from her family after that, his child was taken and raised without him. I’m not sure how he died but his pain lingered. He haunted the descendants of that family...but it looks like he was really able to get to you huh?”

He gestured to the blackened handprint seared into your shoulder, careful not to touch it. The cool night air grazed your skin and it made you realise how exposed your nightwear had left your skin. Awkwardly you pulled the material closer, shielding what flesh you could under Kirishima’s lingering gaze. 

“I’m sorry…” he murmured.

“I wish I could have helped you sooner. You must have been so scared…” 

Your heart fluttered a little, his eyes cast down in guilt. Without hesitation you reached for his cheek, caressing his skin with your thumb. 

“It’s alright, really! You protected me, I owe you my life…” 

He didn’t shy away from your touch but you could feel him stiffen, mouth hanging open slightly as blood rushed to  his ears and cheeks. Your eyes locked with his, melting what little confidence you had and you retracted your hand quicker than you intended. 

“Ah...nah. It was the least I could do…”

It wasn’t long before you were home but he didn’t let go, carrying you through to your bedroom. Your lanterns flickered on as he passed them, lighting the room enough to highlight the shining black feathers of his beautiful wings. He set you down carefully on top of your futon and you noticed the little holes from before had disappeared from the shoji. 

“Now then… the curse should be gone, but uh… those marks are going to leave some nasty scars.” he explained, noting the cruel handprints on both of your legs. 

They still stung, though they were a little less angry from when they were inflicted. Kirishima sat back on his haunches, scratching the back of his neck nervously. 

“I uh, I could help heal them for you but, it may feel a little strange.” 

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, still attempting to wrap your mind around the being before you. 

“You’re a Tengu aren’t you? I didn’t know you could heal people…” 

He barked a laugh at that, gaining a little confidence as his wings bristled with pride. 

“Oh yeah! We can do a lot of things you wouldn’t know about.” he said with a wink, and you had to wonder if he even realised how damned suggestive that had come across as. 

“Well… I know I can trust you. I can handle a little strangeness after tonight.” you reassured him with a smile. 

His smile seemed to widen at that and he moved in a little closer. 

“Alright then. Just lie there and relax for me, ok?”

You weren’t sure if you were still jumpy after the attack, or if it had only just properly dawned on you that you were alone in your bedroom in the presence of a very attractive yokai, but the way he hovered over your body sent your heard thudding violently in your chest. He began at your legs, large, calloused hands drifting over the soft skin of your calf. He held your ankle so delicately, contrasting the power that must have lay beneath those thick muscles of his arms. A tingling sensation caressed your skin where he touched you, pulsing through your skin like a soothing massage. With utmost care, he lifted your leg a little higher and pressed a soft kiss to the afflicted area. Before you could stop it, a quiet moan escaped your lips in response; had your skin always been this sensitive? With a hand over your mouth, you watched as he took your other leg and repeated the same actions. You couldn’t help but watch, noting how his eyes shut when he kissed your ankle, how long his lashes were and how they complimented his masculine features. Even though you bit down on your tongue, a quiet moan was caught against your hand and the warm, tingling sensations in both of your legs lingered even after he let go. There was no time to recover as he moved upwards, reaching over to your shoulder to gently pull your clothing away from it.  

“Just one more to go. But I can stop if you need me to…”

Catching your breath, you reached out to him, small hands grasping at his firm shoulders. 

“Please...don’t stop.” you asked him, eyes glazing over with the pleasurable touches that continued to ghost your legs. 

The Tengu climbed over you with a wolfish grin, caging you in with his sculpted arms. 

“Very well… you asked for it, little one.” 

His fingertips tickled your skin before you could regret your choices, glancing over the final burn and instantly easing the sting. This time you didn’t hold back your voice, mewling shamelessly as his lips once again met your flesh. He didn’t stop at one, trailing soft kisses along your collarbone and with each touch he left behind those delectable tingles that pulsed through your body. 

“Ahh! K-Kirishima…” you whimpered, writhing beneath him as pain transformed completely into pleasure. 

“Do you want me to stop? Or do you want me to keep going…” he breathed against your neck, sharp teeth grazing you before he nipped at your ear. 

“Kirishima… I want you, please I… I need you…” 

You could barely register the words that left your mouth, but you couldn’t find it in you to regret them. This rescue wasn’t your first meeting, he felt far too familiar for that. This yokai, this man  had been your only meaningful company while you suffered a curse. The energy he poured into you was the same you felt everyday at the shrine and you refused to let it go. 

“As you wish…” he whispered before peeling your robes from your body.

He moved over you fully, pressing his mouth against yours in a passionate, breathless kiss. His thick fingers ran through your hair and he moaned against you. 

“I’ve waited for this…” he admitted, kissing a path down your chest. 

His hands took hold of your breasts, fingertips gently pressing into your pliant flesh as his mouth closed over your nipple. Your back arched, his touch electric that ran currents through your entire being. 

“Keep making those sounds for me little one… don’t you dare stop.” he growled against you. 

He continued down, spreading your thighs and pinning them there as he took in the sight of you. 

“You’re so beautiful y/n...so damned beautiful.” 

Your eyes flew open as he nibbled at your inner thigh, sucking little purple marks into your soft flesh. 

“Y-you...you know my name?” you breathed, hips bucking as he kissed his way closer to your mound. 

“I do...I’ve known since you started restoring my shrine.” 

He took hold of your hips, keeping them still as he placed teasing kisses down the length of your slit. 

“You’re mine y/n. I knew from the first time you came to me… I had to claim you for myself…” 

You bit your lip as his tongue separated your silken folds, sliding up and back down again before he circled your sensitive clit. He groaned in satisfaction at your taste, upping his efforts as he lapped at your nectar hungrily. He didn’t give you a moment to adjust, strong hands securing you down as he took that sensitive little pearl between his lips and flicked his tongue against it. 

“Ohhh fuck!! K-Kirishima...you’re gonna make me…” 

You barely had time to warn him before it hit, jolts of tingling pleasure pulsing through your body, shaking you to your very core. He pressed his tongue against you, continuing to drink your essence as you squirmed in his grip. 

“Good girl… my good girl…” 

He released you and pushed himself to his knees, stripping himself of his robes and stretching out his wings before he climbed back over you. Gazing up at him through your lashes, you were able to appreciate his body in full. Solid muscle rippling beneath his skin as though he had been sculpted by a master. His cock was thick, fully erect and you could barely stand the wait. You need him inside you, to fill you and claim you just like he said he would. He crawled back over you, the tip of his cock trailing against your thigh before it pressed against your soaked, needy cunt. 

“Tell me what you want little one...I need to hear you say it…”

His lids were heavy, drunk with lust for you as he kept himself from sheathing his cock inside your welcoming pussy right then and there. You reached up, your fingernails tracing his scalp as you pulled him in for a hungry kiss. 

“Kirishima...please fuck me. I need you to take me…” 

“Oh fuck… good girl…” he growled before finally thrusting his hips and bottoming out inside you. 

You held onto his neck, coaxing him to hold you close as he moved against you. It was impossible to hold back, moaning and mewling against his ear as he fucked you, his thick shaft filling you perfectly, the head of his cock pressing against every sensitive spot you had. Without warning he wrapped his arms around your lower back, lifting you up to sit on his lap as he impaled you over and over. You clung to him as you brought your hips up and down and matched his rhythm. He was beautiful even now, face contorted with pure pleasure as you clenched around his cock. He groaned against you, holding you against his glistening skin. 

“Fuck… you’re mind little one...all mine…” 

He quickened his pace, his moans echoing through the room along with the clashing of flesh as he neared his limit. Your thighs tensed, white hot pleasure coiling in the pit of your stomach as you reached the edge of your second orgasm. 

“Oh fuck… fuck you feel so damned good… so good!” 

He called out as he released, filling you with hot fluid as you milked his cock for everything he had. You followed a second after him, squeezing around his twitching shaft as your head fell back, dark spots forming in your vision as you both fell together in ecstasy. Kirishima rocked backwards, landing less than gracefully on his back with you clinging to his chest. For a few blissful moments you lay there, painting for breath, sweat glistening on your skin. 

“Damn little one...heh, who knew you had it in ya!” he laughed, his chest bobbing as you lay on top of it. 

Still too spaced out to talk, you lay against him with a smile and lightly kissed his chest. 

“Hey uh… was this, really ok?” 

His question surprised you, almost as much as the uncertainty in his voice. 

“I mean… after everything that happened to you tonight. I’d hate to think you regretted it or somethin’... So, was this ok?” 

He gazed down at you, eyes wide with worry that he may have just crossed the line. How could a powerful Tengu be this damned cute? You shook your head with a smile before planting a sudden kiss on his lips. His voice was muffled against you, but he relaxed into it soon enough. 

“I’ll take that as a yes!” he giggled, his body relaxing beneath you once again. 

“Hey, does this mean we can do it again!?” 

His demeanour had switched to something akin to an excitable puppy, it was just too precious to deny. 

“Who am I to say no to such a noble Tengu?”

[hesther-mcg]

chained  

➥ pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

➥ summary: the one where two people are chained to one another, hopelessly in love but every bit of wrong for one another

➥ rating: angst, song fic, biker!bucky au 

➥ warnings: explicit language, mentions of toxic relationship 

➥ a/n: happy valentines day! in the name of irony i’m going to post this today, bc i can. this has been rattling around in my noggin for a bit now and i actually rlly like this. i hope u do too. i highly recommend listening to the song while reading, its also available on spotify. 

chained :: elle king ft. cameron neal  chained  marvel m. list

We can run away, but we can’t hide for long 

And all that lingers harms us 

She’d tried it—moving houses, running away from the problems she was used to, changing things. She’d already tried it, and it had worked beautifully at first. The high of being in a new place, a place all to themselves, it was wonderful. And it had brought out the man she had started to believe was gone, the man she’d loved for so many suns and so many moons; years of her life having been spent growing alongside him, and she felt nothing short of complete satisfaction. 

“Thanks for running away with me,” she’d whispered to him in the late hours of the night, head rested on his bare chest and his calloused hand running up and down over the delicate skin of her back.

“I’ll go wherever you want me to, babe,” was his promise, spoken softly into the dark with a tenderness reserved for her heart and ears only. 

But all good things came to an end, and her life had brought truth to that statement. Things settled, routines came back and everything that lingered became visible. The issues that remained, the unspoken anger and unresolved conflicts rearing their ugly heads once again. She’d tried to pack up her life and her love and run away, but she was learning that she couldn’t hide for long. 

I can lie to you, but the truth comes alive

Every time I die saying goodbye

Everything was a slow progression, the honeymoon phase wearing off slowly but surely; the conflicts creeping in where they weren’t welcomed. Again, everything was fine at first, they seemed to move as a team and it filled her heart with a warmth almost indescribable—they were so much of the same mind, in her eyes. 

But then things drifted off course, the scales tipped in every which way except balanced—right where she wanted, and irritation grew to be the default when she saw his hands reach for the motorcycle keys. Betrayal became the default when she looked away from him and nodded her head, giving a flat and unconvincing ‘I’m okay,’ or ‘have fun.’ Hurt became the default when she bit her tongue until her mouth filled with the taste of crimson copper and her sobs shook her entire body, the sound of a roaring motorcycle engine filling the house. 

She could lie, but he always knew. They had their problems, they battled through their conflicts, but they were still positive and negative forces magnetically pulling the other closer, two links in a chain stuck together for eternity. 

Cause I don’t want to change

but I can’t stay this way

Love was a lot of things; sometimes she thought of it as something warm and familiar and safe, and other times she was convinced it was the chain that kept her around. She loved him, god damnit did she love James Barnes, but she knew that she was nearing her limit. Her heart could only take so much before she’d lose herself completely, and then she was done for beyond that point. Forever damaged; irreparable. 

When Y/N thought about a life where she was on her own, miles upon miles away from the man she only wanted love and comfort from, her chest felt similar to how she imagined a sinkhole made the earth feel. The memories they shared, the laughs and the cries and the endless fun, it would forever haunt her if she were to leave—but one could argue that they already haunted her, already plagued her thoughts and dreams and every second she was breathing. 

“What do you want?!” He’d screamed when she’d brought up her concerns, arms raised in the air and brows furrowed. 

“Things can’t stay this way, James,” she’d stressed, fingers knotting her hair as they frantically ran through the strands. 

And I don’t even mind staying chained, and thinking of you

Thinking of you 

“What if I don’t wanna change?” 

The breath had caught in her throat at his words, heart sinking to the pits of her stomach as her teary eyes bore into his, his figure blurry but radiating frustration. 

“Then I’ll leave,” she threatened, the words burning her mouth as she spoke them. “I love you but I won’t let that stop me.” 

But she always did—when he crawled into bed with slow movements and gentle hands, words soft, sweet, and oh so guilty. Apologies and false promises, admissions of love and sweet nothings, it mended her heart for the time being and she remained in the same place. 

Is it up to me?

It’s always been up to you to find the peace we needed to 

Strength had been dwindling, strength to fight for a relationship immersed in chaos. When things blew up, when the road grew rocky and dangerous and sometimes even lethal, it’d always been her to struggle putting the pieces back together. His words of affirmation and endless charm was the glue that only temporarily mended the cracks, but it was her will and her strive that got them there in the end. 

Strength was dwindling, and she was starting to give up. “It’s always been up to me, James,” she’d told him, voice quiet, scratchy, and broken. “It’s always been me, but it’s on you now.” 

He hadn’t responded, lips slightly parted as he took in the way that she didn’t even bother looking at him. He knew he’d been digging a grave, and he was starting to see that eventually he’d have to lie in it if he didn’t straighten up. The problems in their lives, in both him and her, they were deeply rooted and while she’d been trying to hack away at them, he’d only been watering them. 

Is it said and done, is it carved in the stone? 

How many days is it gonna take ‘til we get back home? 

Most days, he did nothing but convince her that their fate was sealed—that their ultimate demise on the horizon and refused to move for anything. She’d tried and tried to tell herself that that wasn’t the truth, exalted all resources willing into existence the fact that they were meant to be—stuck together for the trials and tribulations that life undoubtedly bring them. 

Things could change, and perhaps they would; nothing was said and done for them because only Y/N could write her story and only she could choose her ending. 

But the harder she held on, the longer the path seemed to be. If what they had was a journey through struggle and strife, then the journey seemed years and years long—an endless battle to just make it through the days to even see the end of the road, and it more often than not left her wondering how long it would take before they would make it back home. How long would it be before they returned to where they started—sickeningly sweet, head over heels in love and willing to do anything under the sun for one another. 

Cause I don’t want to change

But I can’t stay this way 

If this was what growth was, then she wished someone had told her of how painful it was. It felt like scratchy throats from screaming matches, aching chests from nights spent clawing away at the burning skin, and so many more things that weren’t even worth listing. The point of it was that she was finally reaching the point where the door was opening, creaking slowly and revealing the outside world where she could escape.

Y/N didn’t want to escape, but she was starting to see that maybe it was what she needed to do. At one point she had loved her life because he had made the sun shine brighter every day and the stars twinkle a little more each night, and while she longed for that version of James he was not anywhere in sight—and hadn’t been for a long time. 

She knew she couldn’t stay this way, she knew it and felt like a complete idiot every time she saw her own reflection, but, much like the aforementioned growth, this change was just as painful. And pain was something she’d felt enough of. 

And I don’t even mind staying chained, and thinking of you

Thinking of you

The doors had all been slammed, every single one had the unfortunate fate of being in the path of an angry James, and a few of them hadn’t survived and refused to close completely. 

“Why do you want to leave so bad, huh? If you don’t wanna be here then just fucking leave!” The emotional torment was clear as day in his voice as he screamed to the top of his lungs, and it tore her heart to shreds. 

“You know damn well why!” She’d shouted back, face beet red as her chest violently heaved. “I don’t fucking deserve this, Buck, and I’m sick and tired of it!” Her nerves buzzed under the surface of her skin and she could feel her pulse in her face, and the man before her only stared back with dark eyes. 

“You won’t change,” she’d sobbed. “You won’t and you know it, and if you loved me you would.” 

“Y/N—” he’d started, taking a step forward but she’d held her hands out, pushing herself against the wall to get further away. 

“No.” Her words were shaky yet void of fear; actually, James could hear the grit that she’d developed after dealing with his shit for so long and he felt his chest cave in slightly. “You stay there and you listen to me.” 

Will you wake me up? Will you shake me up?

Cause I’m losing my way in the game 

The cracks and creases on her heart deepened greatly, and when they did so she felt every bit of it. The way his eyes bore into hers, as if he was searching her soul like he’d done so many times before, made her look away—for this time she couldn’t trust him to search with good intentions. 

“I’ve tried for a long time to make this work, and you can’t tell me you don’t see it. You’re not stupid, James; don’t pretend to be.” She’d shook her head with her last statement, hair going every which way and tears almost filled his eyes because she was right. “But it wont work if something doesn’t give and I’ve given enough!” 

He nodded lamely, because that’s all he could think to do. He knew she didn’t want his words, they didn’t matter right now. 

“Are you even serious about this? About us? You know this isn’t a joke, this is MY life! It goes way beyond just you and your issues and your anger,” her arms waved around in the air. “James, I’m losing myself in this and you’re supposed to save me!” 

The tears did fill his eyes then, stinging the blue orbs and causing him to blink rapidly. He felt like shit, and every bone in his body ached with guilt. 

Even at our best, my love 

Neither one of us was ever really good enough 

The realization that some things truly weren’t meant to be, that some people really weren’t meant to be together, was a tough pill to swallow. Y/N felt herself choke on it multiple times throughout the years, but it was finally down and done with. She couldn’t say if they were never meant to meet, or just never meant to stay together, but either way she knew that they were a recipe for disaster. 

Her chemicals and his mixed together didn’t make the love that lasted a lifetime, the kind that made it through the dark and the light of the rocky road through life. They made poison, a stunning and paralyzing formula of toxic traits and deep rooted issues. They weren’t a match; even at their best they were never compatible—just too blind and in love to see it. 

“I don’t know why I can’t change, and I will always stay this way,” she sang softly, her heartbreak shining through under the bright lights of the stage in a bar miles and miles away from the man she loved. The band behind her kept up well, putting the raw emotion behind every beat and note that this song required, and for that she was grateful. It was a slight break in the constant dull that she felt, a break that she was beginning to believe she wouldn’t see in her lifetime. 

“And I don’t even mind staying chained,” the drawl in her voice was nothing short of old soul and broken dreams, and it wouldn’t have fit in anywhere other than the rundown bar filled with folks of a similar kind. She’d worn heartache daily long before she walked away from that house, but now it never seemed to wipe off. It was never ending, and so was the thought of him. She truly was chained to him, and sometimes in the middle of tear filled nights she told herself that he was still chained to her as well. “And thinking of you.” 

Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking of you. 

➥ send as ask to be added to the bucky tag list! 

[helaintoloki]

Old Ghosts

pairing: Dan Torrance x reader

warnings: slight language, slight angst, some fluff

notes: certainly not the best piece I’ve ever written but I needed to put something up lolol

summary: no matter where you’re at in life, the shining always seems to bring you back to Dan

“I’ve only ever met three or four people in my life who knew they shined.”

He paused then, unsure and looking down contemplatively at the callouses on his hands as she came to mind. He could see her almost as if he was back in the Overlook again, standing down the hallway in her overalls and pigtails with her big doe eyes curiously taking him in as he played with his toy cars on the carpet. Where was she now?

“Who is she?” Abra asks, turning sheepish at Dan’s reproached gaze. “I didn’t mean to peak, I swear. It’s just.. your thoughts get really loud when you think about her. Did she have the shining too?”

“Her name was y/n, and she didn’t just shine, she gleamed. At first I thought she was just another ghost,” Dan admits, chucking faintly at the thought as the warmth of his nostalgia began to settle in the pit of his chest. “A little ghost girl there to help me chase the monsters away.”

“But she wasn’t a ghost?”

“No,” Dan concurs thoughtfully. “Not a ghost. A friend.”

“Maybe she can help us with Rose,” Abra suggests eagerly, but her hopeful spirit deflates at Dan’s immediate objection.

“I won’t do that to her. I won’t pull her into something like this, not again,” he says gravely. “I haven’t seen or heard from y/n in years, and maybe that’s for the best. If I try to call her now, and I’m not even sure if I could, I would just... Listen, you just keep your head down, you hear me? You keep your head down and you hope to god that these people never find you.”

Abra watches despondently as Dan rises from his seat beside her on the bench and settles his conductor’s cap back onto his head. Guilt slowly begins to creep through his skin at the disappointment in her face, but he ignores it as best as he can and looks to the girl apologetically.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you,” he says finally, walking back towards the train to resume his regular shift as train conductor.

Though Abra is disappointed, she hasn’t lost all hope yet. Dan can’t help her, but maybe there’s someone else who can.

~~~

You liked to think you lived a pretty normal life. You owned a quaint house in a quiet town in Maine where nothing interesting ever seemed to happen. It was peaceful, everyone you encountered always seemed to like you, and no one knew about your special little gift.

You hadn’t really understood the extent of your gift until you reached the age of five, and until then you had been afraid of it. Your mother had said you were cursed, a punishment for being the bastard child of a married man, and for a long time you had believed that. But then you found yourself face to face with a little boy much like yourself, and everything changed.

You’re not sure what exactly brought you to the hallways of the Overlook Hotel, or why you seemed to gravitate towards the boy with the big wheel, but what you did know was that he was special just like you were, and he was in danger.

For a while you had just been there to keep him company, playing with his cars on the carpets and watching cartoons together while his mother knitted on the couch just a few feet away from you. Wendy had assumed you were another Tony, and Danny thought you had been a friendly ghost. But you were so much more than that.

When his father had succumbed to his own insanity you had helped him escape, and when the trauma and the ghosts of the hotel continued to torment him you were there to ease him through it. A bond had been made, and throughout your childhood and teenage years it had been stronger than anything. But then Danny began to drink, his shine began to dull, and you slowly began to lose the connection you had once had. The last time you had seen him had been during one of his one night stands. He hadn’t wanted to see you then and made it adamantly clear.

“What are you still hanging around for? I don’t need you,” he had snapped. “For fuck’s sake y/n, we’re not kids anymore. Just go away.”

And you had. That had been years ago, and though you hadn’t seen him since, he still often came to mind from time to time. You shared the same nightmares, were haunted by the same ghosts, but now you had to deal with them alone. And that was fine, you were a big girl who could handle herself. Things were quiet and peaceful, until they weren’t.

You wake with a start, a sheen of sweat coating your face and the back of your neck as you glance around the room. A whisper of your name had roused you from your sleep, and you feel yourself begin to pale at the sight of the little girl at the foot of your bed.

“W-What... who... who are you?” You breathe heavily. Though she doesn’t seem dangerous, you know you can never be too careful.

“My name is Abra, and you’re y/n,” she says matter-of-factly. “I’m magic like you. I need your help.”

“My help? Why?”

“There are bad people out there who eat people like us, and they’re coming for me next. Dan and I, we need your help.”

“Dan?” You gasp softly. “You know Danny?”

“Come to Frazier and I’ll tell you the rest. Hurry.”

Abra is gone before you can ask any more questions, leaving you to dwell on the thoughts swirling around your head. It’s definitely a lot to take in at once, especially at the fact that Danny has somehow made his way back into your life. Years of being on your own, and now you not only had your old friend back a new girl with your ability.

Your mind is made up. Even if Dan wasn’t attached to the deal you still would have made the same choice. No one was really there to help you with your gift when you were a kid, so making sure Abra has someone to look out for her is vital to her survival. You won’t let her make your same mistakes or suffer through your same fears.

You’re going to Frazier.

~~~

Abra had emailed you the set location for your meet up, a place called Teeny Town in Frazier just across the street from the library, and you were to meet her at twelve o’clock exactly. You showed up at eleven fifty five, anxiously checking your phone every five seconds to see if she had emailed you again. God, this was crazy. Had you really just packed a bag, got in your car, and driven to New Hampshire without a second thought?

”y/n?” A voice calls, prompting you to turn around. Your jaw drops at the sight before you, and for a moment you can’t tell whether or not you’re dreaming.

He looks so different than the last time you saw him. His face is clean shaven with slight stubble around the edges, his blue eyes are brighter, and he seems to carry himself in a lighter manner. Danny is older and sober, and before you can stop yourself you’re meeting him halfway into a bone crushing hug.

“I can’t believe it! What are you doing here?” He asks, his hand cradling the back of your head and his eyes watering with tears.

“I came to help,” you explain meekly, holding him impossibly close to your chest. “Oh, Danny. It’s been so long.”

“I’m so sorry,” he utters softly. “You have no idea how hard it’s been without you.”

“I’m here now,” you comfort, pulling away from the embrace to hold his face in your hands. “And whatever this is, we’ll get through it together. Just like when we were kids.”

Dan smiles, melting into your touch and feeling secure for the first time in years. Words can’t describe how much he’s missed you, how often you’ve haunted his thoughts, and a part of him still can’t believe you’re here. For a moment he’s able to forget just exactly what Abra has roped you into, the danger you’re in now.

It’s going to be a bumpy road, a dangerous road as the two of you are thrusted back into the arms of the monster from your childhood. But with you here now, Dan knows he’ll be able to do whatever it takes to keep you and Abra safe. That’s a promise.

[edenmemes]

game of thrones (s3) starters

❝ did it ever occur to you that i might be the one who deserves your confidence and your trust? ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ it doesn't matter what we want, once we get it, then we want something else. ❞        ❝ you’ve been so kind. i’d feel terrible if anything happened to you. ❞     ❝ i'm apologizing. i’m sick of fighting. let’s call a truce. ❞       ❝ you are the finest man i’ve ever known. ❞   ❝ by what right does the wolf judge the lion? ❞       ❝ your jokes are not appreciated. ❞  ❝ no point in trying to hide behind that face. i know fear when i see it. ❞         ❝ the truth is always either terrible or boring. ❞   ❝ you are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. ❞  ❝ as much as i appreciate a walk in the sunshine, i’m wondering why you sent for me. ❞ ❝ that’s a lovely gown, my lady. ❞   ❝ you’re very kind. someday it’ll get you killed. ❞   ❝ you're so dangerous, aren't you? saying scary things to little girls. killing little boys and old people. ❞ ❝ there it is. that’s the look. i’ve seen it for years on face after face. you despise me. ❞  ❝ do you have a family? a mother and a father you'd return to if you had the choice? ❞ ❝ there's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. ❞   ❝ you’ve come to a dangerous place full of dangerous people. ❞   ❝ the lowest among us are no different from the highest if you give them a chance and approach them with an open heart. ❞   ❝ all men must die. but we are not men. ❞ ❝ you have a taste- one taste of the real world where people have important things taken from them and you whine and cry and quit. ❞ ❝ you think you're the smartest there is. that everyone alive has to bow and scrape and lick your boots. ❞ ❝ i'm the simplest man you'll ever meet. i only do what i want to do. ❞ ❝ sometimes severity is the price we pay for greatness. ❞ ❝ you coward. a little misfortune and you give up. ❞ ❝ fighting bravely for a losing cause is admirable. ❞ ❝ big men fall just as quick as little ones if you put a sword through their hearts. ❞ ❝ plenty of little men tried to put their swords through my heart. and there's plenty of little skeletons buried in the woods. ❞      ❝ we can’t all have a king’s bravery. ❞   ❝ my sword is yours, my life is yours, my heart is yours. ❞ ❝ i think what you want most of all is to be a hero. ❞   ❝ back away. keep backing away till you're outside this establishment. then back away some more. ❞   ❝ could you do it? could you kill something? ❞   ❝ not another step. unless you want to drown in your own blood. ❞   ❝ i’ve heard some troubling tales. is there any truth to them? ❞   ❝ you’ve chosen the darkness. ❞   ❝ my enemies think they’ve destroyed me. they’re laughing at me. ❞   ❝ i would not speak to the dead. ❞   ❝ you said i should come to you with any problems. ❞   ❝ you’re a dangerous person. i like dangerous people. ❞   ❝ this is becoming one of the most boring conversations i've ever had. ❞   ❝ even the bravest men fear death. ❞   ❝ i would sit at this window everyday when the sun came up, waiting. ❞   ❝ it’s too beautiful a day to argue. ❞   ❝ it’s not easy for girls like us to dig our way out. ❞         ❝ what do i want? a little bloody gratitude would be a start. ❞   ❝ you’re clever, but you’re not half as clever as you think you are. ❞   ❝ if i wanted to kill you, do you think i'd let a wooden door stop me? ❞   ❝ the man who cut me lost more than his nose. ❞   ❝ you’re going to make me cry. ❞   ❝ you don’t have the strength. it would kill you. ❞   ❝ i’m not so easily killed. men have been trying for years. ❞   ❝ you refuse to tell me where you’re going? ❞   ❝ i got no fear of what’s out there. ❞ ❝ i don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. the ones already there don't need company. ❞   ❝ let’s not go back. let’s stay here a while longer. ❞            ❝ wait for me. wait for me and i’ll come back to you. ❞   ❝ i like to fight up close. i like to see a man's face when i put the steel in him. ❞   ❝ here, come sit next to me. i’m much less boring than these others. ❞   ❝ it’s not slander if it’s true. ❞ ❝ if blood is your desire, blood shall flow. ❞ ❝ you waste time trying to get people to love you, you'll end up the most popular dead person in town. ❞   ❝ i'm not afraid of you. ❞   ❝ i’m stupid. a stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns. ❞      ❝ i've never heard a kind word from your mouth. ❞        ❝ i've never had a family. ❞     ❝ i'm sorry. here i am complaining to you. ❞   ❝ i want very much for you to be happy. ❞        ❝ i'm almost as generous to those who help me than unpleasant towards those who don’t. ❞       ❝ when you are dead, i will gather your bones in a little sack and let your widow wear them around her neck. ❞   ❝ stay alive a little longer, my friend. ❞      ❝ i am sworn to no man. ❞     ❝ i love you. do you hear me? i love you. ❞   ❝ every time i come back, i’m a bit less. pieces of you get chipped away. ❞          ❝ i like you, but if you lie to me, i'll pull your guts out through your throat. ❞     ❝ i want us to be friends. good friends. ❞     ❝ i have prayed day and night for you to come to me. ❞       ❝ maybe you were as good as people said once.  /  or maybe people just love to overpraise a famous name. ❞      ❝ i want you. ❞   ❝ people work together when it suits them. yhey're loyal when it suits them. they love each other when it suits them. and they kill each other when it suits them. ❞  ❝ i did what i did for the good of the realm. ❞   ❝ you’re paying for my sins. it’s not fair or right. i’ll remember it. ❞   ❝ sorry. were you sleeping? ❞   ❝ chaos isn’t a pit. chaos is a ladder. ❞       ❝ it's you and me that matters. / don’t ever betray me. ❞   ❝ you were trembling like a leaf. ❞   ❝ if you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention. ❞   ❝ i see a darkness in you. ❞   ❝ it’s quite flattering, really, you feeling such dread in the prospect of me getting what i want. ❞   ❝ i will not breathe further life into a malicious lie by further discussing it. ❞   ❝ you’re not doing this for your god. you’re doing this for gold. ❞   ❝ it’s not getting any easier, you know. ❞     ❝ i feel like i’m in a dream. ❞ ❝ nobody cares about what your father once said. ❞      ❝ but i promise you one thing. i won't ever hurt you. ❞ ❝ i think mothers and fathers made up the gods because they wanted their children to sleep through the night. ❞   ❝ we do not choose our destiny, but we must do our duty, no? ❞   ❝ i hope you’re better with a sword than you are a lie. ❞   ❝ is that what you think? that it's all for a reason? all these bad things happened because the gods got big plans for you? ❞ ❝ i'm just trying to say, very badly- i just- just want to say i know how you feel. ❞   ❝ men who fight for gold have neither honor nor loyalty. ❞   ❝ you don't want to be alone out here. someone worse than me would find you. ❞ ❝ if we die, we die. but first we'll live. ❞   ❝ how many men have you killed? fifty? a hundred? ❞   ❝ i don’t care what you swear because you’re a liar. you’ll lie to anyone. ❞     ❝ i want it to haunt you to the end of your days. ❞       ❝ i stole it. it's mine. if you want it, come steal it back. ❞ ❝ if you meant to murder me, then bloody well get on with it. ❞     ❝ i am a godly man. ❞   ❝ there’s no one worse than you. ❞   ❝ the god’s wouldn’t spare a raven’s cold shit for you or me or anyone. ❞     ❝ well, you rip my pretty silk dress, i’ll blacken your eye. ❞ ❝ not talking, eh? that’s a first. ❞ ❝ you’re a delight to me. ❞   ❝ show them how it feels to lose what they love. ❞ ❝ haven’t you wondered where your strength came from? your talent for fighting? ❞ ❝ i could have your tongue for saying that. ❞       ❝ you have a very suspicious mind. in my experience, only dishonest people think this way. ❞ ❝ you think a crown gives you power? ❞ ❝ every time we deal with an enemy, we create two more. ❞ ❝ it was just a bit of blood. ❞ ❝ next time you’re going to do something like that, tell me first. ❞ ❝ does fuck off mean something different where you’re from? ❞ ❝ deserve? start trying to work out who deserves what and before long you'll spend the rest of your days weeping for each and every person in the world. ❞ ❝ this will never be your home. ❞ ❝ i stopped being a child when i was nine. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i don’t see many ladies these days. ❞   ❝ first time i met you, you put a knife to my throat. ❞   ❝ any man who must say, 'i am the king' is no true king. ❞       ❝ you should be thanking the gods for this. this is more than you deserve. ❞   ❝ i could be your family. ❞   ❝ what i know is what i saw. and if you saw it, too, you'd run the other way. ❞       ❝ there are a lot of stories about this place. horrible stories. ❞ ❝ everyone is mine to torment. you’ll do well to remember that. ❞       ❝ i'll tell you what i prayed for this morning. let's see, for my family's health and happiness, for an end to the war, for a short winter. boring and traditional, i'm afraid. ❞ ❝ i do know some things. i know i love you. ❞ ❝ but if you don’t kill me, i’ll kill you. ❞   ❝ oh, i'm a monster? perhaps you should speak to me more softly, then. ❞ ❝ i hope i’m not a disappointment to you. ❞   ❝ i know how to skin a rabbit. ❞   ❝ you think you’re good with that bow? ❞   ❝ have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? ❞   ❝ leave this place. leave tonight, i beg you. ❞   ❝ i choose my allies carefully and my enemies more carefully still. ❞   ❝ it’s getting dark. we could stay here for the night. ❞ ❝ you know i didn’t have a choice. you always knew who i was, who i am. ❞   ❝ my enemies have made my kingdom bleed. ❞     ❝ roses are boring, dear. ❞  

[ohdearhiddles]

REQUEST: “Angst to Fluff Tom x reader: when having some spring-cleaning done, she finds a paper from her schooldays. The lesson was to capture a certain feeling and put them to writing - so she chose to do a suicide note. Smiling, she remembered getting an A, for ‘her emotional description of a soul in suffering.’ Leaving it on the bed, she goes up the attic to proceed. Later Tom comes home, calling but gets no answer and finds reader's letter.”

TITLE: The Letter

WORD COUNT: 2544

AUTHOR NOTES/WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, please do not read if the topic makes you uncomfortable!!! @scorpionchild81​ thank you so much for the request and i’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my work so far!!! I tried my hardest to write it the way you described so fingers crossed that it’s what you wanted. ♡  i hope you enjoy this :) x (AO3 LINK)

Dust floated around the air like glitter after a child’s birthday party. Both were not fun to inhale or clean up. Your hands flailed in front of your face, hoping to get the particles as far from your nose as possible. This clearly didn’t work as you turned your head away, a fit of coughs attacking you to show that your attempts were not successful. Stepping down from the small step stool, you decided that the dusting would just have to wait until you finished organizing the mass of random items you had collected over the years.

Music bounced off the walls of the house as you eyed the trash bag and the scattered items on the floor. ‘Why did cleaning always start with things getting even messier first?’ You thought. Spring cleaning was always a hassle, but at the same time, the gratification that came afterwards was so very worth it. It was like spring cleaning allowed for a new chapter of the year to begin, leaving behind the past to make way for new memories and new random items.

As you sifted through the various papers, books, and memorabilia something caught your eye. A folded up piece of paper laid wedged between the pages of your old high school yearbook. For a second, you wondered if you should even bother opening the small paper or just toss it in the trash. The thought swiftly disappeared as you began to wonder why you had kept it in the first place.

You held the pale piece of paper in your hand, eyeing it as the curiosity began to overwhelm you. For some reason, it seemed strange for you to have kept anything from your school days. Obviously, it had been important enough, or good enough, to have kept over the years. Granted, you had certainly forgotten about its existence. After a few moments of contemplating, you began unfolding it. Your eyebrows raised in shock, not expecting what you saw before you. In your hand, you held a paper you had written years prior, and as you began to reminisce, your eyes scanned the words scrawled on it.

To whom it may concern;

The world is a dark place filled with shadows that cover even the brightest lights. The sun beams down on the earth, but I feel no warmth when I stand beneath its rays. The stars illuminate the night sky, but I see no light to guide me. Darkness consumes my body and soul; my heart continues to wither in my chest with each passing day.

I feel nothing and everything all at once. I feel impending doom as well as the endless void; they call my name. I stand before you, armor shed and battle cries unheard. My uphill battle was a slippery one. The battle is over, and I have watched myself lose at every turn. This battle was never mine to win, and it is something I have come to accept. I hope you accept it, too.

As Emily Dickinson once said, “One need not be a chamber to be haunted.”

I find myself to be a room filled to max occupancy. I am filled with ghosts of my memories and phantoms of my unforeseen future. In this room, I stand by myself. I am the center of mockery and jokes. There is no peace in these moments of silent unrest.

So, please, do not mourn for my freedom. To be free is to see the light at the end of my endless tunnel. To be free is to let go of my mind and my soul. To be free is to rid myself of demons, ghosts, and phantoms alike.

The letter continued on, describing in great detail the torment that you had expressed in the first few paragraphs. Memories flooded your mind as you recalled the day the assignment had been given out. Now that you thought about it, you were certain that you had received an A on the assignment for being able to capture the emotions of someone who was suffering quite well. A smile adorned your face at the memory of your teacher’s delight in your ability to convey emotions so well.

When the letter was finished, you folded it up, a gentle smile still on your lips as you realized how much things had changed over the years. You placed the folded paper onto your bed, reminding yourself to find an appropriate place for it later on. Ten minutes later and all the older items that you no longer wanted were placed into a box. You stood to your feet, looking at the boxes on the ground with a smile. 

‘Almost done,’ you thought.

Now that the bedroom was done, the only room left was the attic. Internally, you groaned, knowing that the one room alone was going to take an eternity to finish cleaning up. Picking up a box, you carried it to the attic, hoping to find a way to organize all the unnecessary things you had collected.

Time seemed to stop in the attic for you. While you were working hard to ensure that all the cobwebs and dust bunnies were kept at bay, your perception of time seemed to go away. There were no windows in your attic, making it incredibly difficult to see how much more time you had in the day without looking at your phone. Too invested in your current actions, you hadn’t noticed the slam of the door downstairs, indicating that your partner had just made it home.

“Y/N,” Tom called, placing his keys on the kitchen counter as he wandered around the lower floor. His eyes skimmed over each room, admiring the unnatural cleanliness that had overtaken the home. He followed the sound of music up the stairs to the bedroom, glancing around for any trace of you. When he reached the bedroom, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“Darling?” He called a second time, his eyes trained on an object on the bed. He approached slowly, not entirely uneasy, but something in the pit of his stomach still made him wary of the fact that you weren’t answering him. The paper you had placed on the bed a couple hours before made its way into Tom’s hands. He didn’t take his time like you had to open it; instead, he unfolded it gingerly yet quickly, skimming over the words.

A frown settled on his face as each word began to sink in. There was no date on the letter, no indication that it was written for a class years before, and that became a blow that knocked the air from your loving boyfriend’s lungs. In the years you two had been together, he never once felt as though you would feel the need to write something so heart wrenching, so profoundly dark. As the last words of the letter processed in his mind, Tom felt a heavy weight in his chest.

Crumbling the paper in his hand, he called your name again and again and then one last time. The music blocked all the rustling noises you were making from the attic; in fact, it drowned out any noise that either of you were making. As Tom frantically searched the house, you contentedly smiled at the once cluttered attic, unaware of the heart attack the gentleman downstairs was ready to have. You picked up the last box laying around, opting to place it on top of one of the heavier ones. However, the older box seemed to not want to agree with its new position. Upon picking it up, the bottom of the cardboard fell through, causing a loud clatter to resonate beneath you.

The sound was enough for Tom to quickly run towards the attic stairs. His heart was erratically beating in his chest as he bound up the stairs as fast as he could. When he reached the top, his eyes immediately fell on your crouched down figure as you bent down to pick up the fallen knick-knacks. Hearing his heavy footsteps, you smiled in his direction, a greeting on the tip of your tongue.

Tom swiftly crossed the space separating the two of you, hands grabbing your arms in an effort to get you to stand up and face him. “What are you doing?”

His voice was loud, frantic, scared. Your eyes widened at the look of fear in his face, uncertain as to what had spooked him so terribly. 

“What?” You questioned, hands reaching up to his flushed cheeks, “What’s wrong?”

“I was calling for you,” he spoke, voice barely audible over the music. “Where were you?”

“Here,” you responded, moving to pause the music from your cellphone.

Tom glanced over your shoulder, looking at the clean attic, “I thought something happened to you. I thought you-”

His voice cut off as his hands tightened around your shoulders. Without any warning, he pulled you close. It wasn’t until you noticed the shaky breath he exhaled that you realized just how scared he had been. You reached your hands up to rub his back soothingly, “Why did you think something happened? Thomas, you knew I was going to clean up today.”

You felt Tom nod as his grip loosened. “I found your letter.”

Pulling away, you furrowed your brows, confused as to what he meant. You watched as he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. It was crumbled greatly, but it wasn’t balled up to the point of no return. He opened it up, attempting to smooth out the edges and creases scattered all over the thin paper. When he was done with his feeble attempts of returning it to its former glory, Tom handed it to you. You took the paper into your hands, eyeing it before sighing.

“It’s an old paper from school, Tom,” you spoke.

He shook his head, “That does little to calm my nerves, Y/N. You just confirmed that you wrote it.”

“Yeah, but it’s from years ago.” You responded, eyes squinting at the tall gentleman.

“Years or not, you wrote something so terribly sad and empty. Forgive me if it made my heart beat a little faster,” Tom argued. You looked up to see his jaw clenched in concentration. His eyes were trained on the paper in your hands, almost as if he was trying to decipher some hidden code.

“It was for an assignment that was meant to portray emotion,” you reassured him. Tom let out a deep breath, his once shaky breath now calmed to some extent. For a few seconds, you watched his chest rise and fall, waiting for him to say something. 

“How did you even write something so,” he paused, “so unbearably sad? After reading it, you weren’t answering me, and I was so scared. You wrote it years ago, but is any of it true? Can you look me in the eye and say you don’t feel like that at all?”

You found yourself standing up straighter, looking deep into the ocean blue eyes before you. He had a point in his words. At one point, you had felt enough suffering to be able to conjure up such raw emotion for that paper, but it was no longer you. That part of you was long gone, a forgotten memory swept away by the many happy moments you had spent with the man you loved since then. Gently, you smiled. “I don’t feel that way.”

Tom stood still, eyes desperately searching yours for any indication that you had lied about how you felt. His hands found yours, gripping them tightly as he pulled you closer to his body for the second time since he had found you in the attic. He nuzzled his face into your hair and whispered, “Do you promise me?”

Your hands wrapped around his waist again, listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat in his chest. Usually he would hold you close like this in order to calm you down, but today it seems like he was doing so in order to seek his own comfort. For a moment, you were convinced that he was holding you in order to ensure that you were real.

“I promise,” you whispered back, voice soft as you tried to hush his worries.

“Y/N,” Tom said, his grip tightening only slightly, “You mean so much to me, do you know that?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the confession. Of course you knew; the man before you never let you forget how much you meant to him. If it wasn’t a nice dinner, a cozy night in, or a lavish vacation, then it was the gentle touches or silent promises that spoke for him. The only thing he hadn’t done yet to show how much he cared was get down on one knee, but that wasn’t something to worry about. He was a man that enjoyed timing things perfectly, and something told you that a proposal would be something he’d plan for a long time before actually doing.

“I know,” you responded as you pulled back just enough to wrap your hands around the nape of his neck, fingers toying with the soft curls adorning his head. 

“I can’t lose you,” he sighed, eyes shut before they opened, connecting with your own eyes immediately.

“And you know that you can confide in me,” Tom continued, his own hands caressing the exposed skin at the small of your back. “About anything?”

Humming, you nodded. Your boyfriend didn’t say anything afterwards. Instead, he leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. His lips were warm against your cool skin. After the gesture, he moved to allow his lips to brush against your cheekbone.

“You really had me scared, you know? You shouldn’t leave something like that on the bed. Especially on my side of the bed,” he whispered, his breath fanning across the skin of your neck as he pressed his lips to your jaw.

“I’m sorry,” you said, turning your head to face him, lips a fraction of an inch apart. “But I’m okay, Tom. I’m not planning on going anywhere, not when I have you.”

He leaned forward, connecting the space between you two. The kiss was gentle, almost as if Tom was scared you were going to break from it. Your hands cupped his cheeks as you tried to hold his towering frame at a height that you could reach. His lips moved against yours as he pulled your body flush against his. His right hand covered the expanse of your back as he held you close while the other hand held your neck at an angle in order to have easy access to your lips.

The kiss ended almost as quickly as it started. When it was over, Tom leaned his forehead against yours, a silent promise on his lips much like there always was after the two of you kissed. 

“I love you,” he whispered as if it were a secret meant to be kept from the air itself.

“I love you, too,” you whispered back, standing on your tiptoes as you placed another kiss to his lips. Silently wishing for the love and care Tom showed you to never end.

[qwirk]

*vigilantes ch. ~64 and main manga ch. ~255 spoilers*

although idk if these are really spoilers if these chapters came out a couple years ago! anime-only fans beware. anyway here’s my extremely long rant about the obvious, not trying to explain anything- i gotta yell!

so that vigilantes arc destroyed me! i’m not good at immediately putting thoughts about media into coherent points but i’m just so sad :( first of all after catching up with the main manga, shirakumo, despite being technically dead during his introduction, rocketed up to one of my favorite if not my favorite character. aizawa is also up there for me- he was first introduced as this strict teacher who seemed to psychologically torment his students for the fun of it, or at least for some yet unknown ulterior motive. but we now know that, while still kinda harsh, he does this to give his students that lead-dropping-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach rush in order to push them to succeed (or something like that?). he truly cares about his students and their growth which has been demonstrated multiple clear times. but what drives him to be like this??

shirakumo!! his actions today are a clear answer to the pushes shirakumo gave him back when they were students. they’re so obviously influenced by shirakumo that they’re almost literally answers. the main chapters are a little foggy because i speedread them at 3 am, but i just caught up with vigilantes. 

at the start, aizawa sees himself as someone who’s constantly just behind and will stay there as everyone moves on. he trudges into class drenched after leaving the kitten behind and he’s super emo about it. meanwhile, shirakumo literally flies through the window, also drenched, saved not only the kitten but aizawa’s umbrella, and manages to put on this cheery (albeit borderline explicit) show about it. it’s a CLEAR contrast between the two and aizawa goes as far to say that he hasn’t reached his “true self yet” while he looks at shirakumo and then says that he starts to change. 

as if it’s not enough for aizawa to beat himself up mentally, his classmates bring him down for not having a “heroic” enough quirk. shirakumo is constantly stepping in to bring him back up, even during real work study stuff, and goes as far to lend him a pair of his goggles so that his eyes become more useful. this becomes a stronger bonding point between aizawa, shirakumo, and hizaishi for them to start looking to the future together. while wearing those goggles, which are protecting his sight from the strong winds on the roof, he stares into the sky, feeling like he’s getting swept into the future like the clouds in the wind. (also the clouds as a metaphor. damn)

and then we come to the last fight. everyone that aizawa looks up to is crushed in the wake of the villain, and he’s the last one standing. there’s a group of children to protect, and he’s panicking and drowning in his overthinking. the way he’s given a huge panel to himself only to be visually overwhelmed by his thought bubbles stood out to me. and then the thing that snaps him out is shirakumo’s voice cheering him on. it’s a bunch of simple praise, but it means everything in the situation. the friend who’s been pulling him up no matter how hopeless or apathetic aizawa feels is of course the one to spur him into action in a life-or-death situation. aizawa realizes he’s gotta fight immediately, and even reminds himself of exactly what shirakumo told him- that his quirk IS useful and levels the playing field. 

i was already kinda spoiled for this part since i read the main manga first, but hearing shirakumo’s cheering the entire time while aizawa is absolutely toiling to defeat this huge villain would have been touching regardless. and when he lands in triumph, hurting but victorious, he screams for his friend to hear that he did it!! but then you see this joy start to like. rot away as soon as it pans to kayama and hizaishi. it’s raining again (THE CLOUDS AS A METAPHOR! DAMN!). shirakumo’s corpse is lying feet away from him, staining the medics’ sheet with blood. i don’t have much to say about this part, it was just a lot for me to process!! also i’m still not entirely sure about the way his speaker works so i might be wrong here, but did he really spend his dying moments with a traumatic head injury cheering on his friend to not only beat the immediate danger, but to self-realization?? or maybe it was prerecorded? idk but either way, truly a hero. 

aizawa and hizaishi are left standing in the rain because once again, “it fits the mood.” so obviously there’s the callback to when aizawa first said that when he comes to class after leaving the kitten and i have yet to fully comprehend it because i have no braincells for interpreting media. i guess maybe it’s like- aizawa at first felt terrible for not being able to save even a kitten while being enrolled in the most prestigious hero course in the country. getting drenched while settling with (what he considers to be) a cowardly measure is the icing to the cake for his self-hatred. it’s the classic “this might as well happen” scenario to get soaked by random rain or a car splashing you with a puddle on a bad morning. rain is sad. but in comes shirakumo, equally drenched but still the bright light that he is. he’s also done everything aizawa couldn’t but wanted to and more in this situation. he could do it not just because of his storing quirk, but because he held the life of someone who needed saving more important than the school rules. this decorum lets the kitten slide as it makes itself at home in the classroom. the rain stops soon after. but then you have shirakumo’s death. once again, aizawa, and even hizaishi, who’s usually always upbeat (almost every panel of him was just him screaming YEAHHHHH. plz give him more dialogue) both agree that the pouring rain fits the mood. this also brings us back to the present that preceded the flashback- koichi just rescued a cat and a child from a villain with aizawa’s help, and now they’re standing under an awning to escape the rain. this situation is literally almost exactly what happened at the beginning of the flashback which is why i guess it brought it on, but it’s interesting to see what changed- aizawa is the one who’s learned from this situation and teaching the student the meaning of responsibility (using an abandoned cat as an example, no less), and they’re all properly shielded from the elements this time. i guess the conclusion (that could be totally wrong) i’m coming to is that the rain sort of represents the adversaries aizawa faces in life- his self-deprecation, those that don’t believe in him, his personal failures that he has been facing lately. shirakumo has always been there to guide him past it, and once he lifts up aizawa nothing can shake him again. but now that he’s definitively gone, it’s back to haunt him for this one last moment of sheer grief. it’s only this one moment though, as aizawa clearly uses this moment to move on and better himself not just for his sake, but for everyone counting on him. he’s escaped the rain.

it’s so clear how this manifests in the main manga and i’m so happy vigilantes was able to spin out such a good backstory and explanation for his actions!! one of the most immediate ways we see his ideals stand out is his taking in of shinsou as his apprentice from general studies. it’s absolutely because he sees himself in this boy. he has a quirk that’s seemingly useless once you get into combat and everyone thinks he’s a creep for it. more people might even wary around shinsou than aizawa’s case. during the a vs. b practice fights, shinsou explains what he did wrong, clearly upset at himself for not doing enough. aizawa immediately pulls himself up, reminding him that in order to achieve what he just said, he’d have to be a pro, and that what he managed was more than enough. these parallels between aizawa and shinsou are definitely hinted at in the main story, like when midoriya underestimate’s his prowess in combat at usj, but with the vigilantes arc everything is so much clearer. in the main manga, we get a direct reference of aizawa’s expulsion rate in relation to how it helps students grow when they face “’death’” as he’s interrogating kurogiri. though dramatic, i feel like it has to be linked to the dire situation aizawa faced when the pro heros and shirakumo got knocked out during that one fight because of its placement in the chapter. he understands better than most in the story that a lot of times pushes, whether big or small, are needed to grow. he wants to be to his students what shirakumo was to him.

OK EDIT because i didn’t realize there was more to the arc after 64 lol. so obviously after shirakumo dies aizawa’s and hizaishi’s dreams of starting a triple hero agency have been dashed. aizawa seems to distance himself from hizaishi, or at least they’re on uneasy speaking terms. he’s coping by training super hard and is bent on going solo after graduation, the opposite of what they had all planned. but this time, he has conviction on what he’s going to do with himself, and that’s great! he learns that you have to be there for yourself in life. there’s a small montage leading from graduation to where is now in vigilantes and it’s been hard, but he’s been making it. still a lone wolf as ever, aside from the pushes from kayama to become teachers with her and hizaishi at ua. he thinks doing that would be a stupid choice for him, he’s been alone this whole time and doesn’t work well with others (anymore, he thinks). but now that he’s in the cafe with everyone, he changes seeing everyone fawn over the cat but their new dreams of being a popular cat cafe. 

the impact of seeing their newfound hope brings him back to another flashback of the rooftop trio, and THE PARALLELS!!! of them also dreaming to start their hero agency based on their first rescue of sushi the cat. back in the present, aizawa, who’s been spacing off, suddenly realizes the sky and his mind have cleared (THE CLOUDS KEEP COMING BACK AS A METAPHOR!!! if this happens in the main story i’ll cry). i’m still not 100% sure of what exactly makes the dots connect for him, but it’s been hinted through the flashbacks and his reactions to the rescued cat that he’s actually a good teacher himself, though he had been mainly shown to have learned from others around him. he drilled husbandry requirements into shirakumo and interrogated koichi about responsibility as if they were second nature. i think aizawa realized that he’s actually always had a soft spot for watching people grow and do good things and wants to be a part of facilitating that. or at least because he wasn’t able to accomplish doing good with his friends originally, he wants to help other accomplish the goal he couldn’t. also the fact that kayama still sends him updates on sushi isn’t just really nice of her, but it’s also another representation of how aizawa’s convictions he developed as a student still drive him to do what he does today.

MY MAIN POINT IS: aizawa really loves shirakumo. to have so much of his character based in the lessons he purposefully or inadvertently taught him is an amazing testament to that appreciation. aizawa never emotes except for the occasional creepy smile when he psychologically toys with 1a, but the emotion he displayed during the interrogation really caught me by surprise. the apathetic emo character suddenly being truly happy or sad is a cliche but this panel right fucking here was so powerful to me:

yeah his eyes are always bloodshot as a trademark to his quirk, but the emotional EXHAUSTION written on his face is so starkly different than his usual boredom. this feeling that horikoshi illustrates in two small panels is so human that it’s instantly recognizable deep in our hearts. we’ve all been in those heavy and direly serious moments that wrack our mental and emotional fortitudes, where the only response manageable without hideously breaking down is some subtle motion of the hand or crinkle of the face. we all know what this means without understanding the japanese onomatopoeia or needing additional dialogue. before i read vigilantes, i still immediately understood what this man meant to aizawa. and that’s why i love shirakumo so much!! we all know at least a little how aizawa used to feel as a student, and to have someone constantly pushing you and acting as such a light in your moments of darkness is something so incredibly special. i really hope they’re able to get him out of his nomu state so those three can finally become heros together :’)

god!!!!!!!!!!

[dothwrites]

15.11 coda--calm before the storm

Happiness is fleeting. Happiness is just the calm before the storm. And the happier you are, the more you have to lose when it hits.--Ranae Glass

---

Happiness is a razor’s edge. 

Castiel feels it bubbling underneath his skin and chasing itself like lightning storms across his grace. It’s persistent and sly, skirting just around the edges of his perception before darting coyly away, the prettiest girl at the dance wanting his attention. 

When you finally let the sun shine on your face, The Empty had said, its mouth stretched wide in a death’s head grin. When you finally let yourself be happy. That’s when I’ll take you.

And Castiel had agreed because when was he ever happy? He’s nursed grief like a favored babe, held it close to his chest, nestled it in the folds of his coat, carried it until his hands were bleeding. Happiness was a myth, something meant for others. 

Not for broken failures. 

But now, he can taste happiness at the back of his throat and feel it dancing at his fingertips. It slides along the back of his neck and whispers in his ear. When he walks into a room to find Sam, Dean, and Jack inside, happiness bursts like galaxies in the pit of his belly. 

They’re still fragile around each other, still figuring out how they fit together with their new, jagged edges. They’re no longer the sleek machine of before. Their gears stick, they jam. They’re not smooth, not whole. 

Not yet. 

The longer Jack stays put, the more that he talks to Sam, the better it gets. The more Dean’s eyes soften, the better it gets. 

And happiness haunts his every step. 

---

Castiel takes to locking himself away. In the basement, in his room, in his truck-wherever the Winchesters won’t follow him. He needs to get away. He can’t be around them--Jack laughing as he stretches a piece of cheese as far as it will go, Dean bickering with Sam over the last piece of pizza, all three of them glowing with the calm, sedate light of bliss. 

And happiness brushes against Castiel’s face like cobwebs. 

Dean smiles at him now--little, hesitant things that disappear almost the second that they appear, but Castiel sees them. He sees them all. 

Dean trusts him. Again. Finally. He asks for Castiel’s opinion and takes his advice. When Jack says that Castiel told him something was all right, Dean accepts it. The gift of Dean’s trust unfolds in his hands like the tenderest bloom and it shreds Castiel to lay it aside. But he does and when the pain rips through him, he clings to it. 

Dean’s hand twitches towards him. They never make contact, but the intent is there. And that intent, those smiles...They’ll kill him as sure as anything else in this world. 

So he runs. He makes himself a ghost around the bunker, but the structure isn’t large enough to contain the Winchester’s joy. It bursts from the seams, leaks through the pipes and vents, slithers down his spine until he can feel it inside him. 

And it would be so easy to give in. He wants to. Every part of him yearns for the easy acceptance of Sam’s hand on his shoulder, Jack’s knee pressing into his, Dean’s smile heavy on him. It would be so easy to walk upstairs and partake in the comfort that they’re offering him. 

And it would kill him. 

---

Despite what he says, Dean is not a stupid man. He notices Castiel’s absence and after two days, he comes to find Castiel. 

He’s sneaky about it. He waits until Castiel is elbows deep in reorganizing the stacks in the basement, when all of his considerable concentration is focused on deciphering ancient Sumerian badly written in a shaky hand. He doesn’t even notice Dean until he speaks. 

“So this is where you’ve been hiding lately.” 

Castiel doesn’t jump, and for that he’s proud. He doesn’t turn around as he answers, “The files down here were disorganized. If we’re really looking for a way to defeat God, then we need to have all the information we can at our disposal. Wouldn’t it be awful if the key to everything was misfiled in one of these boxes?”

Dean makes a skeptical noise in the back of his throat. “Yeah. Well, I don’t think that you’re finding the answer any time tonight. What is it that you’re even looking at?”

“It’s um...It looks like the writer was attempting a spell to deodorize his shoes.” Castiel glances over the characters and sighs. “Which wouldn’t have worked because he had a faulty translation.” 

This time Dean doesn’t bother to hide his skepticism. “Well. With that fascinating piece of work, I think we can say that your job is done here, right? Come upstairs. Play some Mario Kart. Just...” Something soft and desperate flashes in Dean’s eyes. It’s there and gone before Castiel can really appreciate it, and that’s good; he shouldn’t appreciate it. “The kid’s asking about you. Be nice if you were up there with us.” 

If the words were spoken a few months ago, even a few weeks ago, there would have been venom dripping off of them. But now, Dean just sounds a little sad, a little wistful. 

“We won Cas.” Dean’s fingers worry at a thread on the cuff of his sleeve. “It’s weird, don’t get me wrong, but...Anytime that we get someone back, it’s a win.” 

He smiles and it’s like watching galaxies being born. Happiness curls around Castiel’s chest and works its way up his throat. When you finally let the sun shine on your face...

“Come upstairs. Please.” Dean gives him one last, searching look, and turns to walk down the hallway. The sound of him retreating up the stairs echoes through the room. 

Castiel gives one last look to the boxes spread around the room. 

After a long moment, he follows Dean. 

---

“You should tell him,” Jack says, late one night when Sam and Dean are asleep. 

“He doesn’t need to know,” Castiel says, the denial coming more as an automatic reflex than as a conscious thought. 

“Dean doesn’t like being lied to,” Jack says, with the intensity of a schoolboy reciting lessons learned. “And omitting a fact is almost as bad as lying about it.” 

When did Jack become smarter than him? When did his boy grow up? Was it between life and death? Or has Jack always been wiser than him? 

“You should tell him,” Jack says again. “He misses you.” 

---

“Is everything all right?” Sam asks him, a day later. “It’s just...You’ve been...” He waves his hand in what might be considered a reassuring gesture. “Ever since we got Jack back.” 

“I’m fine,” Castiel answers. From the look on Sam’s face, Castiel can tell that he’s not convinced. “It’s just a lot,” he tries. “Jack, and Chuck, and Purgatory...” 

He lets his voice trail off, because it’s the truth, but it’s not all the truth, and for a second, he lets himself wonder what it would be like if he were to come clean. If he were to look at Sam’s face and say, Sam I’m in trouble because I made a deal. I made a deal and I didn’t think that I would ever have to pay up because the price was my happiness and I didn’t think that such a thing existed. I made a deal and the price was my happiness, and it was supposed to be fine but your family makes me think that I could be happy. I look at your brother and I want to be happy.

“It’s a lot,” Castiel repeats, and there’s disappointment in Sam’s eyes, but that’s fine. 

Kindness would kill him.

---

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Dean asks, late one night. 

Dean should be asleep but he’s a perverse human that exists to torment Castiel. 

Castiel thought that at one point, when Dean was still the Righteous Man and Castiel still had the honor of a garrison commander. He thought that Dean Winchester’s one mission in life was to thwart Castiel’s every mission. 

And then he got to know Dean and discovered that yes, that was true, but there was so much more to Dean Winchester than mere disobedience. 

“Cas, please. I just...we got Jack back. He’s back and he’s like he should be and...”

Dean’s faltering. Despite his prayer, despite the newfound peace within him and between them, he’s still the hurt, broken man of all those years ago. His edges still scrape against each other. 

But Dean is also ever-changing, like deep waters, and even now, after all these years, he still has the ability to surprise Castiel. 

“Why aren’t you happy?” Dean takes a step forward. The fall of his foot shatters the poor excuse for Castiel’s heart. “I just...I want you to be happy Cas. Please. Tell me what you need.” 

And for a second, Castiel considers spilling the whole, sordid truth. Dean knows about making deals, probably better than almost anyone else. Dean knows about the sick desperation crowding the back of your throat, when a loved one hangs by a mere thread and only your paltry self can save them. 

Dean doesn’t like being lied to, Jack said, and Castiel knows that as well. 

Dean’s eyes are soft and earnest, pleading in the dim lamplight. 

And Castiel has always been selfish. 

“I’m fine Dean,” he answers, and watches Dean’s eyes shutter before he turns and walks away. 

---

And still--

The sound of Jack’s laugh twists around his heart. Sam’s smile comes easier these days, especially when he mentions that Eileen might come back, Just for a weekend, he says, but the corners of his eyes crease with the force of his smile. And Dean...Dean is softer around them, gentler. He listens to Jack. He runs his thumb over Mary’s initials on the table. He washes the Impala and cooks elaborate dinners for them and makes popcorn on the stove. 

And he doesn’t mention anything to Cas, but the question hangs between them. Castiel clings to it, the tiny, shredding pain, because without it he knows-he’d be lost. 

And he has so, so much to live for. 

---

He wants to be happy. 

He looks at Dean’s hands and he wonders what they feel like. He watches Jack spar with Sam and he longs to be involved. 

This was his family, once. 

He’s the only thing standing in the way of it being that way once again. 

Castiel wants, with a fierceness that only rivals his fear. 

---

“Please Cas,” Dean says one night, after he’s had one too many fingers of whiskey, because old habits die hard. “Please. Tell me what you need.” 

And because he knows that Dean won’t remember any of this in the morning, Castiel gives in. He leans in close enough to smell Dean’s skin, the scent of leather and oil clinging to him. 

“I did something stupid,” he whispers, and there’s a brief flare of joy in the admitting of it. “But there was no other option and Jack was in danger...I promised the Empty that it could have me, in exchange for letting Jack go, and it said yes. But not until I was happy. And I thought...I thought that would never happen, but...” 

An iron fist wraps around his chest and even though Castiel doesn’t need to breathe, he still gasps with the pain. “I want to be happy,” he says, the secret dredged up from the deepest part of him. “I look at you and I want...I want so badly, but I can’t because I want to be here more. I’m sorry Dean. I’m so sorry.”

Castiel drops his head onto Dean’s shoulder and takes comfort in the solid warmth of him. He might be mortal, might have been torn apart and patched back together too many times to count, but Dean Winchester can bear the weight of eternity, if only for a few moments. 

“I want, so badly, but I’m afraid,” Castiel whispers. Fuzz from Dean’s shirt coats his lips as he moves his mouth against the soft fabric. “I’m so sorry Dean, I’m sorry.” 

Dean looks at him for one second, his eyes sharpening in understanding, just before Castiel puts a gentle finger to his temple. One swift brush of grace, and Dean’s eyes fall shut. 

---

“I remember what you said.” 

Castiel’s head snaps up. Once again, Dean’s managed to catch him in a moment of weakness; not that he has anything else in Dean’s presence. 

“You can’t be happy. Because if you’re happy, then the Empty comes and takes you.” 

Dean takes a resolute step forward. This time he doesn’t stop until he’s standing directly in front of Castiel. He’s close enough to touch and Castiel’s fingers yearn for contact. Happiness nips at his ankles, scratches its nails over his jaw. 

“You made a deal.” 

Dean’s hands reach out towards him and unlike before, they don’t stop when they’re hovering mere millimeters away from his flesh. Dean’s hand is warm when it cups his face. Castiel can feel callouses formed from years of fighting rubbing against his cheek. He swears that he can almost feel the pulse of Dean’s blood echoed through his body. 

He waits for the rage. For Dean to bluster and snap, for the thin thread holding Dean’s anger at bay to finally unravel. But Dean never snarls, his eyes never darken with fury. Instead, Dean just looks very, very sad. 

“It was for Jack,” Castiel finally says, because he doesn’t regret it, he can’t. Jack is a miracle and worth at least ten of him. If there was anything that Castiel could do, anything in the universe to keep his boy safe--

“I get it.” Dean’s eyes turn misty and Castiel knows what he’s thinking of--Sam Winchester’s body cooling on a rusty mattress frame, the gravel cutting his fingers as he dug at a crossroads, the sour taste of sulfur in his mouth from a kiss. “I know why. I just...Why would you think that you couldn’t tell me?” 

But then Dean stops, because he understands that as well. 

Dean’s fingernails bite into his flesh, a dull pain that races through his veins. “Cas.” He makes the nickname sound an invocation. “I know why, but you know...there’s nothing in this world that we ain’t beat yet. There’s a lot of shit outside of it that we beat too. We’ve got Jack back and even freaking Death wants to lend us a hand.” Dean’s fingers turn Castiel’s face towards his. “Please.”

And Castiel doesn’t know what Dean is asking--Please keep trying? Please let yourself be happy? Please stop? But for once it doesn’t matter. None of it matters because Castiel might be an angel, but he’s not a stone and he can’t pretend to be. Not with Dean in front of him, eyes open and pleading and earnest. 

Castiel leans forward and Dean tilts his head and then his lips are bumping into Dean’s, soft and tender, a gentle greeting of Hello. There you are. 

I found you. 

Stars burst into supernovas in the pit of his belly and whole worlds are created. Castiel gasps into Dean’s mouth. Dean swallows the sound, his hands gathering Castiel closer. Moisture prickles at the corners of Castiel’s eyes and he can taste the salt of Dean’s tears when he flicks his tongue across Dean’s lips. 

This is happiness. Sam upstairs, Jack secure and happy with them once more. Dean’s acceptance and friendship. Dean’s arms wrapped around him, Dean’s mouth pressing into his, the warm glow of Dean’s soul covering his grace. Joy fills him, until he’s more a creature of ecstasy than grace. 

Black crowds at the edges of his vision. 

Castiel shuts his eyes. 

---

It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.--Chuck Palahniuk

[tvdiaries-imagines]

Old Flame: Pt. 11

Warnings: Cursing

Word Count: 3210

OLD FLAME MASTERLIST: CLICK HERE

-

(Earlier…)

“Hayley, do you know if Y/N has woken from her slumber?” Klaus asked, waltzing through the courtyard with a plastic bag full of food in his hand. 

“Yeah, um, she’s in her room.” Hayley nearly lost her words as she walked past Klaus, aware that an anxious Y/N is waiting upstairs, but Hayley recovered quickly enough for Klaus not to catch on. She cannot stand the father of her child, but ever since your arrival to New Orleans, Klaus hasn’t been as much as a headache towards her. Hayley hopes that your knowledge of this ring doesn’t screw things up by driving you away.  You were Klaus’s distraction. 

Klaus continued walking towards the dining room, setting the table himself for breakfast with his beloved. As he uncovered the to go boxes, the scent of the delicacies traveled up his nostrils, causing his stomach to growl lowly. 

Once everything was set up as he liked, he made his way to your bedroom, excitement filling him that he gets to spend another morning with you. 

Upon entering, you were nowhere in sight. “Sweetheart?” He called, searching from corner to corner. Your French doors were wide open, so he checked the balcony to check if you were relaxing, getting lost in a book. He even checked inside the en suite bathroom in case you dozed off in the bathtub. But still nothing. He figured you were wandering around many of the other rooms, so he stepped out of your en suite bathroom but was caught off guard by the haunting object placed over your dresser drawer. “No.” He whispered aloud, jaw clenching. 

There’s no doubt that he should have found a much better hiding place for that wretched ring that he’s held onto for over a year now. He knew he should’ve destroyed it the moment you left him, but he couldn’t. He’ll never forget the hours he spent staring at it in agony in an empty mansion. But for some absurd reason, he needed to hold onto it as a reminder of someone who made him feel utterly vulnerable at his discretion.  

For a moment, Klaus paced to and fro on the very same spot you did earlier to calm his nerves before jolting out of your bedroom to continue his search for you in the compound. 

“Y/N?” He called out but was unanswered. He figured you may not be in earshot, so he called out again even louder. “Sweetheart! We need to talk!” He exclaimed with a hint of disquietude. After no response from you, he began to panic. As he freed his phone from his pocket to call you, Elijah appears from the shadows. Klaus tucked his phone back in his pocket. 

“Niklaus what’s wrong?” Elijah asked. 

“Where is Y/N?”

“In your bedroom or hers I assume. Is she not?”

“No Elijah, I cannot find her.” The hybrid swallowed anxiously. “And she found the ring.” 

“What ring?” 

“The bloody engagement ring!” Klaus shouted in frustration. “Perhaps she assumes I’ve just got it and...and she ran off. She must have ran off thinking I plan to propose to her.” 

“Do you, Niklaus?” Elijah asked, reaching into his jacket pocket to dial your number, bringing the phone to his ear. 

“That’s absurd, Elijah.” Klaus flashed a distasteful expression at his older brother. “I’ve just got her back.” 

“Straight to voicemail.” The noble brother muttered. “Must I even ask why you’ve held onto the engagement ring after all this time, brother?”

“You know, I entrusted you and you Hayley to keep an eye on her.” Klaus exclaimed exasperatedly with fury in his eyes, completely avoiding Elijah’s question. 

“Y/N does not favor me as of recent, so the last thing she would want is for me to babysit her like a child.” 

“It does not matter, Elijah. Y/N is-”

“What’s going on?” Hayley appeared. 

“You!” He answered, rapidly charging at Hayley. Fortunately, Elijah’s reflexes were faster as he used himself as a barrier, preventing Klaus from laying a finger at the mother of his child. Hayley’s eyes widened briefly, caught off guard. 

“Niklaus. Control yourself.” Elijah muttered at his younger brother, jaw clenching. 

“You told me she was in her bedroom!” Klaus pointed an angry finger at the wavy haired brunette. 

Hayley rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “Correct. That’s where I saw her go to last. Why are you all worked up?”

“It appears Y/N has escaped the confinement of the compound, thanks to you bloody imbeciles.” The hybrid spat. 

“Oh.” Hayley mouthed. 

Klaus narrowed his eyes. “What do you know?”

“All I know is that she was flipping out about finding the engagement ring that you apparently keep as a souvenir.” She answered. 

“What else has she mentioned?”

“She just wants to know why you kept it. Maybe she left to get fresh air. I don’t know, but that’s going to have to wait, Elijah and I have more important things to do. Like help my people. You’re on your own.” Hayley turned on her heel and marched towards the exit. “Let’s go, Elijah.” She added without a backwards glance. 

“Apologies, brother. They are in desperate need of our help. I’ll return to your aid as soon as I can.” Elijah promised. 

“Fine.” Klaus obliged irritably. He knew he had no choice but to accept it. They really needed the wolves on their side. 

(The Present…)

“It’s always a pleasure to see you, sister.” Kol mentioned, the corner of his lip quirking up. 

“Nice...face.” You examined the face of a stranger, slightly amused that Kol would be the one to take over the body of someone attractive. “So what are you doing here anyways? You’re working for your mother?”

“As thrilled as I am...Yes.” He uttered with evident sarcasm. 

“You’re an idiot, Kol. I hope you know that.” 

“I’m aware, darling. But it seems I have no choice. Mother’s the one who brought me back to the land of the living, so I have to obey. Being dead was no fun.”

You swallowed a lump in your throat, recalling the agony Klaus endured after his little brother’s death. Even you mourned for Kol. 

Fuck the Gilberts. 

“Away with you, Kol. I need some privacy with Y/N.” An unfamiliar female voice made expressed. 

For a moment, you completely forgot Elijah was hanging there across from you. Your brows furrowed at the middle aged woman who shooed Kol away. She has tan skin and full, curly black hair. But it didn’t take long for you to decipher that it’s Momma Mikaelson, since you recall Klaus telling you that’s she’s taken on a new body. 

“Fuck you, Esther.” You scowled. “I’m not doing any favors for you. Especially if it means hurting your children.”

“It has never been my intention to harm any of my children, but to free them of this vile curse.” 

“Right. A curse that you-”

“I know, child. And I eternally regret it.”

“If you don’t want to hurt them then why the hell are me and Elijah here?” Your eyes flickered at Elijah’s unconscious body. “And where’s Kai?”

“Your friend is where he needs to be. However, since I’ve dealt with Elijah before you awoke, neither of you are going anywhere yet until I’ve said my peace to you.” 

You let out a harsh breath, making her burden to you known. “Go on then. I don’t have all day.” 

“It’s no secret that you are back in my son’s life and have reunited with our family. And I admit, I am pleased that you are in Niklaus’s life again.”

“Oh great. The mom approves. I’m ecstatic.” You said with distaste, rolling your eyes. 

“Haven’t you ever wanted children with your beloved, Niklaus? I can give that to you, my darling.” 

“How? Haven’t you heard, someone’s already taken Qetsiyah’s cure for vampirism.”

“No, Y/N. I can gift you a new body. Freedom from being a vampire.” Your face contorted at Esther’s response. “Accept my offer and I assure you, Niklaus will do the same. The two of you can start a family of your own. Given he’s lost his first child.”

“You’re fucking insane. I’m not going to possess the body of an innocent person. That, and I happen to like the body I’m in.” You admitted, shamefully enjoying your life as a vampire.  

Not only that, but you’ve just recently came back into Klaus’s life. First you find an old engagement ring and now Esther wants you to have children with her son? This is too much. 

“It’s a shame that your mind is so poisoned.” 

“Yeah, boo hoo.” You shrugged. 

Suddenly your necks snapped to the hurried footsteps approaching the tomb. You were so caught up in your discussion with Esther that you didn’t realize anyone else was in the area. 

There’s no way it would be Kol since Esther sent him away. You felt a pit in your stomach at the thought of it being Finn. 

But the unpleasant feeling was quickly washed away at the sight of the original hybrid. Seeing Elijah first, he immediately flees towards him, yanking the voodoo doll hanging over him to free him from his binds. Klaus was able to catch Elijah’s limp body.

“Wake up, brother.” Klaus attempted. “Elijah?”

“Nik.” You muttered softly at his back from across the way. 

Klaus takes a second to himself before turning to face you and your nerves began to rise. You assumed that he found out about your knowledge of the ring due to Kai kidnapping you before you could put it back in its original place. 

His eyes lock onto yours, lips parted with an unreadable expression.

“Elijah won’t wake.” Esther interrupted, appearing from the shadows. “Not yet. Which gives you and I one last chance to discuss my offer.” 

“You promised me Elijah’s safe return. What was that, a lie? Just like that ghoulish atrocity outside, claiming to be my father back from the dead.”

“Your father’s return is real.” Esther responded. “I pulled him back from the Other Side before it collapsed. Left him in the bayou to join the wolves. And I used the execution of one of his own to draw him here. Where I knew he’d find you.”

“To what end? Besides my torment?” He asked seriously. 

“I brought him here to be the father you never had. To teach you to become the man you always longed to be. Once you are remade as a werewolf, you can join him and also start a family of your own with your beloved here.” Esther explained, gesturing her hand to you.

“I already told you, Esther.” You huffed, expression hardened. “I don’t want any part in leaving my body.” 

Klaus snickered at you before returning his attention to his mother, tone clipped. “His return changes nothing.” 

“It changes everything. It is my gift to you, Niklaus.” Esther said as Klaus sauntered towards you, pulling your personal voodoo doll from above you, assisting you in freeing the bindings.

While Klaus and his mother were going at it, you decided to come to Elijah’s aid to see if you can help wake him. You sat back down on the cold, rough concrete with Elijah’s head over your lap. “Elijah please wake up.” You whispered aloud, lightly tapping his cheeks, but you were defeated. “Dammit.” 

Your eyes flickered at the blood splatters on his expensive white button up and an idea soon came to mind. You bit into your wrist and started to feed him your blood. It’s nowhere near as delectable as human blood, but you wanted to try anything to wake him. 

Yet again, you are defeated and accepted the loss. You know Klaus always finds a way. 

Your moment of defeat was interrupted by Klaus’s roaring voice and his fingers wrapped around his mother’s throat. “Because you came for my child! My daughter. Your own blood.” 

“You don’t understand.” Esther struggled to get the words out. 

“My child!” 

“Niklaus, I had to.” Esther strained, weakly stretching out her arm, pointing with her pointer and middle finger. The notion looked spell related, so you rose to your feet worriedly, in case Klaus needed your assistance. 

“You declared war when you came after my family and Y/N. And for that, I will make you suffer as only I can.” Klaus warned, lips drew back in a snarl. “After all, I am my mother’s son.” 

Without hesitation, he roughly tossed his mother to the ground and she groaned in pain. 

Feeling no remorse for Esther, you turned to Klaus and assisted him in getting Elijah’s immobile body out of the tomb. 

Stepping out of the tomb, you were welcomed with the night sky and the moon to guide you as you had to step over a few dead bodies along the way. 

“Wow. W-what happened here?” You asked with a false confident tone, attempting to break the ice.

“My mother’s doing, of course.” Klaus’s grin faltered, quickly looking away from you when he noticed you didn’t bat an eye at him from his remark. Step by step, the walk to the car filled with thick tension, the only sound being the tips of Elijah’s shoes gliding across the concrete. 

When you reached Klaus’s black SUV, you were hoping he’d throw Elijah in the front seat. However, he led Elijah’s unconscious body to the backseat. And before you knew it, you were sitting in the passenger seat, the keys were in the ignition and the three of you were on your way to the compound. 

Neither you nor Klaus muttered a word, so this proves your theory that he knows of your knowledge of the ring. There’s no other explanation for his silent treatment. But after clearing your throat, you couldn’t take the deafening silence any longer, so you slightly leaned forward and outstretched your arm to turn the volume up on the stereo. 

Klaus stole a glance at your outstretched hand. “Did she hurt you?” He asked suddenly, startling you as he caught you off guard. 

“W-what?” You leaned back. “Oh. Um yes.” You noticed Klaus’s knuckles whitening over the steering wheel, which caused you to panic because your blurted response was brief. “I mean no! I was in Kai’s car and she magically caused it to crash, but the pain was quick and I knocked out. But besides that, she didn’t touch me. All she did was bore me with her words.”

“And what did she say to you?”

“Pretty much the same she said to you about putting us in human bodies and,” you paused, recalling Esther’s suggestion about you starting a family with Klaus, “that’s all.”

“And Elijah?”

“I don’t know actually. Esther told me that she spoke to him before I woke up. And also...I saw Kol.”

“What did my little brother do to you?”

“He helped me and let me feed on him.” The endless questions started irritating you because you know that Klaus is trying to avoid the inevitable. “Now what’s with the 21 questions, huh?” You snapped. “Why don't you explain to me why you kept that thing?” 

Klaus waited a beat before responding, as if contemplating his answer. “What thing do you speak of?”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me, Nik. Sooner or later, we need to address the elephant in the room.” You studied his expression. “But I think right now is the perfect time.” 

“Well answer me this first. What gave you the right to search through my things?” Klaus asked with an acidity to his tone, shooting you a glowering expression as he pulled into a parking spot at the compound.

You scoffed in disbelief, his response causing your blood to boil. “Are you serious right now? I was looking for a t-shirt to wear, so I’m sorry that I let you literally rip off my clothes before you fucked me. Did you really want me to basically walk naked to my bedroom to get my own clothes?” You glared at the hybrid, awaiting his answer.

Instead of uttering a word to you, he removed the keys from the ignition and stepped out of the driver’s seat. He began assisting Elijah out of the car and that’s when you realized that Klaus wasn’t going to continue your conversation. “Unbelievable.” You muttered, shaking your head before unbuckling your seat belt and bolting out of the car to enter the compound.

A concerned Hayley began approaching you, but you didn’t have the energy to get into the specifics. “Klaus is getting Elijah out of the car right now.” You pointed behind your head with your thumb, continuing your march to your bedroom.

The first thing you did was slam your door shut, locked it and laid your back flat on your bed, gazing up at the ceiling. You could not believe how Klaus handled your confrontation and it caused your anger to spike as you took many deep breaths. You turned your head towards the moonlight seeping through the glass of the french doors and as your eyes started following the corners of your bedroom, your gaze fell on the vanity and you soon realized that you had left your cell phone inside the drawer of it days ago, so you vamp-sped to it.

It felt like forever since you’ve had your cell phone in your hand, but the battery was unsurprisingly drained, so you plugged it into your charger and headed straight to your en suite bathroom for a much deserving shower.

Once your shower was finished and you were all dressed in clean clothing, you reached for your cell phone, brushing off the missed call from Elijah and the many missed calls from Klaus. Instead, you searched for Kai’s contact and dialed his number. Although he kidnapped you without your consent, you still couldn’t help but be concerned for him because you knew he did it solely for your safety. But all you did was get sent straight to voicemail, so you sent him a quick text, telling him to call you asap. Your mind was too distracted to dwell on Kai’s whereabouts right now. 

You were feeling more upset with Klaus than you’ve ever felt since your return, especially since he handled the confrontation about the ring extremely poorly. And you have to admit, it did sting a little.

“What gave you the right to search through my things?”

Just repeating those words in your head, along with reliving the sexually intimate moment you had with him not too long ago rose the anger inside of you. You made yourself vulnerable to him on his bed and the fact that he didn’t acknowledge it just made you want to strike back at him. 

Without a second thought, you threw on some makeup, your heels and tucked your cell phone inside your cross body bag draped over you. You unlocked your bedroom door and quietly opened it, listening in on where Klaus could be. With vamp hearing, Klaus seemed to be discussing something with Hayley in another room about Elijah’s well being, so you found it as the perfect opportunity to rush out of the compound in the blink of an eye.

-

A/N: Don’t worry, Y/N is not running away in the next chapter, she’s just going to have a little fun on Bourbon Street ;) Also, the reason for the way Klaus was acting will be answered in due time! And if you’re wondering why Esther didn’t put Y/N to sleep like how she did with Elijah, I was kinda going off of how she approached Hayley to make her mortal. I liked that she didn’t have the need to tortue her/get inside her head. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed reading and I will catch you in the next chapter! :)

TAGS: @ynm1505 @ravenmoore14@xdontxcare @seasiren96@anyasthoughts @woodworthti666 @agentmarvel13@miss-lumiere@elizabeth-ann1090 @physically-a-cheesecake@azhar1422 @morsmornte @retrocontessa @kollover24 @thewolf-and-thesheep @xoxoaudreymarie @dezzym17@siphonersalvatore @yolobloggers @akshi8278​ @simonsaysyasss​ @eggingamazinglove​ @brooklymw @baseballbitch116​ @hyperion-moonbabe​ @iamjustaslytherinrose​ @lillianeh879  @hannahzlee @bokettolove​ @hyperion-moonbabe​ @gangofhoes​ @sashimi-cat​ @marvel-ousnesss​ @deathkat657​ @rauwz​ @star-adorned​ @bobamilqtea

[stevenuniversetanzanite]

Ally x Cordelia x Reader (part 4)

I’m more active on posting on wattpad currently or at least they come out straight after writing.

This is two and a half times longer than the other parts.  I tried to edit it but I don't think that went very well so... Enjoy.

Also, I may have made Cordelia a dick in this, but I'll fix it in a later chapter maybe.

Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five (will be added when posted)

Late in the night with nothing but your phone to light the inside of your car, the button for the dome lights in your car jammed from childish use years ago. Your car was due for an upgrade but instead of replacing the heap of junk you poorly maintained it and persuaded the mechanics to pass the heap of metal as safe for driving.

You're phoned buzzed once more.

Your forehead rested on the steering wheel, you pulled yourself to sit upright and glanced at the phone.

Your car was parked a block away from the building. The key in the lock ready to start the car's engine. The phone was nestled amongst the stolen blanket on the passenger's side. The phone confirmed your suspicion about the number of missed text messaged and phone calls, not only from Ally and Cordelia but also varies students warning you that you were in big trouble when you got home.

It would be another seven hours until you got back to the school and you'd have to count in for a pit stop or two to pick up coffee or another caffeine-filled beverage. A part of you was thankful for your long nights back in the hospital (also uni), it was useful for all-nighters.

It could be another seven hours before you'd have to respond back to anyone, there's not much they can do. Cordelia had the other girls to look after and Ally- well she has her son. You had no one- not anymore.

Then again, Cordelia would go hell and back to protect her own and ignoring the fact that you were her girlfriend, were still 'one of her girls'. Nothing like this had happened, at least with someone she cared about.

You sighed. You better make sure she doesn't come searching for you. Of the two, you'd be in hotter water with the blonde. Considering the time, they'd most likely be together.

The phone picked up immediately.

"Hello," you said.

"Y/n, oh thank goodness you're safe," The voice on the other end said.

"Why wouldn't I be," you kidded your voice quivering.

"You're so stupid why would you go without telling us. We told you it was a trap. You could have died."

"I didn't- don't you worry. I'm fine" you said. Should you tell them about your Discovery. Probably. It would cause her to worry more about your recklessness but who cares it's not a targeted attack, but the witches just got caught in the Crossfire. Then again, how are you going to explain away your findings? They didn't know, couldn't know. "It was a dead-end nothing came of it I'll see you when I get back home ok."

You hung up and powered on your 7-hour drive back to New Orleans.

It wasn't until hours after you'd left that the two noticed learned of your absence. They came up with a plan of attack when a student interrupted to inform them of a student's injury. When asked why the girl didn't inform you, they were informed that you left in a rush, muttering something about having business to take care of.

Everyone in the school was now aware of your absence and while Cordelia tried to help the injured student, Ally dialled your mobile.

"No response?" Ally shook her head, her phone still pressed to her ear in case you picked up. She paced around Cordelia's office begging for you to pick up. It was close to midnight but neither of them dared to sleep until they heard from you. The only thing that stopped Cordelia from dashing out was the fact that she was sure she'd have some sort of vision or someone in the school would if something accord. It was the only thought she had that could slightly calm her down even if it weren't true.

"I can't believe she did that. Why- this isn't like her-"

"Yes, it is," Ally cut in. "It's exactly like her."

"She's never done this before-"

"She goes against us all the time" Cordelia was too shocked to listen. "When it comes to the woman's safety when has she ever listened-"

"She never used to do this when she was in school."

"That was like what 15 years ago"

"13" Cordelia corrected.

"My point exactly. Are you the same person you were 13 years ago?"

"No but-"

"But nothing. The moment she left the school you no record of her life. You don't know how she became the person she is today. She had experiences that shaped her into the person she is now. But in the 2 years she's been with us, has she shown any sign of the person she was before."

Cordelia paused and thought about it. To an extent you were, like anyone, you kept the same core soul you had before but the circle of people you surrounded yourself around was different and with that came different reactions and experiences for you. You were no longer the good-natured student; she would go so far to say this is a late rebellious phase. You always cared about others safety over your own but this was a step to far. If you were like this before then she never noticed. You still had some sense to talk to, allow to be helped instead of playing this 'saviour' complex you'd adopted. She wondered where that came from.

The two had seen you in times of need, your recent development of 'sleepwalking' as an example. The two offered to help you figure out where this developed from, but you were apprehensive.

Cordelia was thankful the doors were shut. She crumbled into the nearest seat, covering her face with her hands. "What do we do?"

Ally moved closer to her girlfriend, resting her wait on the armrest, she pulled the blonde closer. She rubs circles on the woman's shoulder with her thumb while staring vacantly at the opposing wall. Before Ally could speak, Cordelia's phone rung. Cordelia lept to answer it.

"Y/n, oh thank goodness you're safe," Cordelia said relieved to hear your voice.

When the phone call was done, Cordelia placed her phone down on the table and leant into Ally's body muttering, "This woman is going to be the death of me."

The two remained in the comfort of each other until Ally suggested that they should head off to bed. They cuddled up with each other, Cordelia rested her head on Ally's chest. Ally ran her hands through Cordelia's hair wondering what the woman was thinking. Cordelia fixated on the roof, occasionally her hand fiddled with the fabric of Ally's nightshirt.

Ally was as stressed, if not more than Cordelia, but hid it from the other woman. Her stress would only make the situation worse. She rushed around, dialling your number trying to find out if you were safe. Now that she knew you were, she had new worries. Why did you make the rash decision of going yourself?

A part of her was shocked that she wasn't the one anxious, in a sense, she caused you to act. If you had never known, you couldn't have gone. Then again, the stress from the incident had prepared her body for the sudden anxiety. Who cares about that now? They both needed a distraction until you returned.

"You've known Y/N for a long time, what was she like when she was younger?" Ally asked.

"Very similar. However, she had less friends." She pulled her gaze from the ceiling to the brunette. "She had this one, they were inseparable, we used to joke that they would end up marrying each other they were so close," She chuckled at the thought. Then she stopped halfway through and thought to herself before continuing. Ally didn't understand why that was until Cordelia spoke again. " I hadn't heard from her in years, they must have fought, I can't explain why Y/n wouldn't speak about her otherwise. I remember bringing her up not long after Y/n came back and she brushed me off. The only other time I brought it up was by text asking if she had any of her recipes that the two used to make. They are the best chefs. You won't guess that with how often Y/n has nearly set the kitchen on fire but their Chocolate Cheesecake was to die for." She began to list all the desserts you'd use to make and all the meals your friend would make.

"They used to host bake-offs and convinced all students to get involved. The kitchen was always a disaster by the end of it. You'd be finding offcuts days after. We had to implement a rule for when the two girls hosted this torment they had to clean up afterwards. To which they made it a rule to tidy as you go."

"Did they judge?" Ally asked.

"No, that's the best part, they managed to convince the teachers to judge," Cordelia smiled as she reminisced. "Most of us would have helped but I know for a fact one of the teachers despised her. Can't remember why. OH, I forgot-"

"What?"

"You remember My Auntie Myrtle?" By name, Ally remembered. She never met her. "One time she came in for a visit during one of the bake-offs and she unintentionally entered the 'war zone' between Y/n and one of the older students and let's just say no one left without being covered in food that day. Y/n came second that day, I think she lost because she started the food fight.

Cordelia went on about stories from your school days until the two fell to sleep.

It was early in the morning when you finally parked outside the school. You hid the blanket in the glove compartment before exiting and locking up your car.

Delphi trust, how could it be Delphi trust. You and your hand through your hair I think is getting Tangled in the locks. more importantly, how did they get those items? you hadn't seen any of them in 18 months if not longer why haunt you with them now.

Before you could pull your keys out the door swung open it was Ally. You pulled up about 7 she should have been at work, yet she stood there front of you in her pyjamas. You couldn't decipher her expression a bit over 7 hours since you last spoke, she had long enough to calm down and talk with Cordelia. Her hand was still clenched around the doorknob and the door closed except The Gap she stood between. Unlike the other woman, you have yet to speak to her.

You slowly approached her, running potential dialogue through your head. What would she say?

You suck your hands into your pockets, your hand's fiddle with the loose ring. You almost forgot you stole it or did they steal it from you? You need to find it a hiding spot. Maybe with its pair.

"Are you trying to save me you ask?"

You can tell she's fighting off the urge to scold you. She went to say something but stopped herself. She shook her head, opened the door wider and said, "She somehow managed to blame me for your idiocy." As if Ally not sharing add inspired you to do the same. The truth was you've had your secrets and wanted to keep them to yourself.

"Well, you're a bad influence," you teased. You always joked to try and lighten the mood but always got scolded for it seriousness the others to talk cramps your style. You are lucky to be alive you knew that you didn't need the others to telling you out your areas you could do that enough on your own.

She smiled sadly as she allowed you access into the school. She knew there was no point in scolding you, you never listen to her advice. You may be younger but you're not a child and like to make it evident every time the two tried the parent you. She had her own child to worry about and Cordelia the girls- even if they are most of them are adults themselves.

"Should I avoid her or get it over with," you asked.

"Best get over with." She remained distant and you made no attempt to get closer. When you turned to leave, Ally called out your name. In acknowledgement, you turned around to face her.

She pulled you into a suffocating hug. "Don't ever do that again."

"Okay."

"You scared the shit out of us."

"I'm sorry."

You knew this is not how she normally reacted, but she's had hours to calm down. Your journey to Cordelia's office lasted an eternity.

You knocked on the door waiting to be let in. The door opens Cordelia looking down at you blank way. She opens the door wider, allowing you to move inside in her office. You shuffle inside and station yourself in the middle of the room. She moved passed a seating area to a desk. You knew you were in for it. She only ever used the desk for formal meetings or for serious occasions when someone's trouble.

She asked you to take a seat. You settled in the armchair across from her desk, the seat wasn't comfortable from lack of use. A part of you was praying for a similar interrogation as Ally's two days prior.

Their rooms air was stiff. The curtain drawn shut blocking the morning light from entering the room. The fluorescent light flickered every now and again causing you more tension. You watched Cordelia organize herself, fighting every urge to snap are you, calling you reckless, stupid and other words you'd need a thesaurus for. You were surprised to she was more concerned one seeing as it's Ally's trouble a mess to begin with. Ally was concerned but hold it back due to the scolding she knew you're going to get from your Supreme.

The woman didn't they speak nor did she let you. A part of you wished you never entered the room. Delaying it and wrapping your head around the situation may have benefited you in the long run. So, you would have told her the truth, revealing your findings. Not that it wasn't too late now but you were into too deep.

The woman stared you down, "Why did you do it Y/n?"

"I don't know."

"That's not a good enough answer."

"Yeah yeah."

"Y/n, I'm being serious."

"I know"

"Then why aren't you listening to me?"

"I am."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I said I don't know."

"You're leaving me no choice-"

"What are you going to do?" Cordelia stood and headed over to one of the bookcases in the room. "Cordelia? What are you going to do?"

"I forbid you from leaving the school grounds-"

"You're grounding me?" you laughed. "You serious?"

"You clearly can't be trusted to left to your own regards." Cordelia scanned the bookcase before pulling out a spellbook. "It's for your own safety."

"Safety? Fuck that, you're trying to take away my freedom. Who do you think you are?!"

"I'M THE FUCKING SUPREME!"

She flipped open the book, searching for the corrected page. She wasn't planning on giving you the choice. If you weren't going to do it willingly, she'd force you to stay. You caught on to her plan and tore the book from her grasp.

"IS THIS YOUR WAY OF SHOWING POWER OVER ME, HUH?" You yelled. "I WON'T LET YOU CONTROL ME AND YOU SURE AS HELL AIN'T TRAPPING ME HERE!"

"Y/N, YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS!"

"I HAVE VERY SAY IN THIS. IT'S MY LIFE!" you stumbled back to the door. "You know what? I'm done. I'm done with this-"

"Y/n-" Cordelia grabbed you by your wrist stopping you. She tried to use her powers to find out anything about you or why your acting like this. Anything to justify why you did what you did, but she got nothing. You were blank.

"I'm done with this Cordelia."

The door opened revealing a concerned Ally. You yanked yourself free and exited the room as soon as possible, brushing shoulders with Ally.

"What did you say to her?"

"Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid." Ally did a once over the blonde before leaving her to check on you.

Ally found you on your way back to your car.

"Y/n!" She called out your name. "Y/n!"

"What do you want?"

"Don't talk to me like that, I'm not the one you're mad at."

"Sorry. Can I go now, or are you trying to trap me here too?"

"Is that what she said?"

"Was even planning on cursing me to this place."

You turn around and opened your car door.

"Where are you going?"

"The store," you said before hopping into the driver's side. "And don't you worry, I plan on coming back, my stuffs here." You needed to get out of here before Cordelia could trap you to the place. Ally found your last sentence odd, of course, you'd be back, this was only a fight, right? You hadn't called off things between them.

"I'll talk to her for you. Try and come up with a common ground."

"There is no common ground, Ally. She wants me to be her prisoner."

"It's not like that-"

"Could have fooled me." You slammed the door shut. You had a feeling Cordelia was watching from the window. Her office faced the street.

Ally stormed through the school all the way to Cordelia's office. She flung the door open.

"You threatened to trap her here?!" Ally lashed out, "What on earth possessed you to think that was a smart decision?"

"I told you to look after-"

"You have no right to tell me what to do. I am not a witch, you have no status over me and even if you did, what gives you the right?"

"Ally, she's reckless-"

"So?"

"She could have been killed last night. People are after you Ally and she waltzed into the lion's den."

"That doesn't give you the right to trap her here. She isn't your slave, she's your girlfriend, treat her like it."

"Ally-"

"No, I'm not finished. Now do agree she should be monitored after... what she did. Yes, but don't bound her here."

"You're right."

Ally knew what Cordelia wanted to do was wrong but her sticking up for you wasn't purely selfless. Ally needed your freedom so you could take Oz out places he needed to go. Ally being caught up in this mess couldn't go out without being heckled and her other girlfriend is too busy with her supreme status and upkeeping the coven to chauffeur Ally's son around. She could have gotten one of the girls to do it but that was a worst-case scenario.

Everything had gotten back to normal besides all of you searching for the 'unknown' sender. Cordelia apologized and the two agreed someone had to be with you at all times (except while using the bathroom), it didn't matter who it was as long as it was someone in the school. You had the school hours (when you didn't have to teach) off from being monitored because you were helping Oz with his schoolwork. Oz had been kept at home for the week while the adults thought through what they were going to do to keep him from knowing. You were tasked with keeping him ahead of his studies. You were thankful he was still young making the work easier to relearn and teach.

He questioned why he was being kept from school but wasn't complaining besides the fact that he can't see his friends. He'd been allowed to stay with some of them after Cordelia worked her 'charm' in the form of magic on the parents to ensure they'd not mention anything. She rarely used her power of 'persuasion' very often but after both your and Oz's begging she couldn't refuse. After Ally's reputation was guaranteed to be protected, she had no reason to refuse.

Due to the increased number of hours spent together, you decided to surprise him with the Nintendo switch he wanted. You had no place to store it in your office until you set it up so you hid it behind your mountain of shoe boxes in your shared wardrobe.

Alone in your shared walk-in wardrobe, you knelt, going through the belongings you'd stolen from your search.

Within the last five days you managed to find a spot in time where you could sneak the stolen belonging inside. Now, you stored them in an old shoebox that came with your most commonly worn pair of shoes.

Your mind thought back to the note, Happy Anniversary. How could they know?

You were on edge the whole time, maybe you should have told your girlfriends your findings. Regardless you chose to leave them unaware and in turn, must suffer for your stupidity.

You hadn't noticed the others come into the bedroom nor did they notice your presence in the wardrobe.

"You need to talk to her about it."

"I know you said that last time."

"And you haven't spoken about it since."

"It's really not the time Ally."

"It's never the-"

"More now than ever. You're under threat, Ally, what if they come after us too? They know about Y/n. They may even have footage of her sneaking about because she stupidity went out-" She kept revving on about the whole thing they got caught up in. You had yet to catch on to what they were talking about.

You put the blanket back in the box and tucked the shoebox back into your collection of shoes. Making sure the box covered the gift you got for Ally's son. You crept towards the entrances of the wardrobe.

"It's too late for me Ally. End of discussion." What on earth were they talking about? Too late for her, oh god is she getting replaced? No, it's too soon. "I sent the council to check out the address Y/n gave me, or should I say the real address."

"She gave you the wrong address?"

Cordelia nodded, "it wasn't a simple mistake with the number, the street doesn't exist."

Shit, she figured out it was a fake street. Of course you did, you should have done a better job. You needed to get out of here and figure out your next move before they figured out what else you're hiding. You teleported out of the room dashing down to your office where you're meant to be.

"What are you suggesting? That she's the one behind this?"

"You said it yourself earlier, I don't really know her anymore."

"She's been with us for almost two years-"

"Enough time to study someone and send info back."

"She didn't know about Ivy-"

"Do you know where she was in 2016?"

"No."

"Because she never talks about her past."

"You think she was in Michigan?"

"It's not unlikely."

"She would never-"

"But what if she is- All I'm saying is be careful. No one would dash off that quickly unless they had something to hide."

"What do we do once we find out?"

"Act accordingly."

"If you're wrong, you owe her an apology." Cordelia insisted she wasn't wrong but agreed nevertheless. "Couldn't you just read her mind or something?"

"Use the sight? I generally block off using my power, I have tried it a couple of times on her but she's barricaded her memories."

"When did you use it?"

"Most recently after she returned from 'her trip'." Her trip referred to the five days earlier. "I also tried when she was too stubborn to tell us about her 'episodes'. I thought when she was distressed would lower the wall but it was stronger."

It wasn't until the next day when Cordelia found out the building actually was. She called Ally immediately.

"You're saying she's a witch hunter? But she's a witch."

"I can't explain that myself, but she refused to tell us this when she knew who they were."

"Does she know that that's the company that-"

"My ex worked for? Probably. Hell, she's probably one of his side chicks."

"I doubt that-" You had never mentioned or shown interest in men before. Cordelia would most likely explain that away as you were keeping it away from them which Ally would claim was ridiculous.

"Why are you supporting her?"

"Why aren't you? She's shown nothing up until now that would suggest that she'd associate herself with witch hunters. They probably have dirt on her."

Cordelia rolled her eyes.

"I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt-"

"It's not yours to give. You aren't the only one at threat anymore. Ally my girls are in danger-"

"Including Y/n."

"She's not one of us anymore-"

"We haven't confirmed she's done anything-" Ally tried to reason. "She isn't your ex, stop painting her out to be. At least wait until she gets back to explain herself."

You were out with Oz. You had taken him to the park for psychical activity and to get him out of the school. Mainly it was an excuse for you to get away from school, you found the place to crowded with the constant eyes on you. An escape sounded nice and Oz didn't complain. You may have had to offer him a comic book to seal the deal. He would have gone out anyway but the extra incentive was nice.

Ally ended the phone call leaving Cordelia to her own thoughts.

Cordelia stormed down to your office. If you had anything, you'd hid it in your own space, she thought. She shredded the bookcase, flipping books to see if you hid any secrets within the pages. She flung open draws and flicked through files, but nothing showed up pinning you as the culprit. A couple of students in passing watched her tear down your medical posters and swipe the contents of the contents on your desk to the floor. When she caught them she straightened up her act before saying, "Shouldn't you all be in class?" They scampered off soon after.

She thought about other places you could hide something. What about in plain sight? Her eyes lit up, the bedroom. Nothing in the main section or the ensuite. The last place she had to check was the cupboard. The school would need a good cleaning after she was done searching. She hadn't bothered to tidy as she went, set on you being in the wrong so it wouldn't matter.

She was more careful with the wardrobe as she didn't want to wreak any of her or Ally's more expensive clothing. She pulled out the collection of shoeboxes, finding a hidden red and white box. She pushed the box aside hoping the box would be what she sort instead finding a game console. She rose her brow, why was it hidden away in the closet. Maybe you hid the contents inside the box? The box hadn't been opened yet but she was convinced you'd hidden something inside. There were only the console and its extra contents. There were some games hidden behind it and a little tag addressed to Oz written in your handwriting. You bought the boy a game console? You really spoiled him.

"Maybe I'm wrong," she thought aloud as she put all the contents back where she found it.

She went to place the shoes back in front of the box when she noticed a shoebox that shouldn't have been kept. They were to your casual pair of shoes which you never but back in their box. She always had to tell you to place them somewhere where out of the way so she wouldn't trip on them.

She slowly opened the box, "A blanket?" She removed a small knitted blanket from the box to see two rings and some other trinkets. Why did you have these hidden away? Cordelia held the blanket up, allowing it to unfold. She noticed the lavender stitching in the lower corner of the white blanket. She flipped it over revealing the name on it, "Odelia?" she questioned. She raked her brain around the name, the only thing that came to mind was how similar it was to her own. Maybe it was intentional? She assumed it wasn't your blanket, it was two pristine. Was it meant for someone? A child perhaps? "The child," she muttered. The day you were in Oz's room, you sounded like you were speaking to a child. Was that her? Or was Cordelia getting it wrong? She couldn't get much information off the blanket other than it had been used by a child with the last seven years. She rested the blanket on her lap, hoping another item would give her the clue she needed.

She'd gotten you all wrong, you were hiding something but she no longer thought you worked for the witch hunters. Maybe they threatened you or a loved one? She pulled out the pair of rings.

A vision flashed before her eyes. She got a first-person perspective of someone driving in a car. The person chuckled in response to something she heard on the Bluetooth speaker of her car. You're current car.

"Baby~" The woman whined, "I swear your gonna love it."

"This better not be like your last surprise," a voice from the speaker call said. The voice was distorted due to being on the phone, but it was undeniably you. "I still can't go to that park without reliving it."

"Stop being dramatic." The more Cordelia thought she recognised the other woman's voice too. "I dropped Lia at my sister's place-"

"So, we could have some good old fashion alone time~" you purred.

"You wish," the woman laughed. "When do you get off?"

"5. Just in time to catch up."

"On some sleep maybe, how long was your shift?"

"It wasn't that long-"

"But your-"

"Don't get started on this-" You're what? Why did you cut her off, Cordelia thought.

"You need to find a better job."

"I will just give me some time," you said. "I'm thinking of trying to get a job at Miss Robichaux's. I could teach magic there or something."

"You should." The woman encouraged. "God, I miss that place."

"I know. Maybe you can visit me sometime if I work there."

"I'll probably have to pry you out of there too. Doesn't that, uh~ what's her name, she works there."

"Wow, helpful."

"Shut up, the one you were infatuated with, the one that you only settled for me cuz she was straight-"

"I didn't settle for you-"

"Yes, you did. Don't worry I don't care. But if she does swing our way you better not scamper off."

"I wouldn't-"

"All I'm saying is tell me first, I'm open-"

"For a threesome," you said. "You can't even remember her name."

"I don't need to," she said. "I'll learn it again if I ever met her again."

"Why would you meet her?"

"When I visit you at your new job."

"I haven't even applied yet." The woman turned her car right on an interaction. "So, what's the surprise?" The woman chuckled.

A van ran the red light and was coming straight for her car. She swore and tried to swerve out of the way.

"Amber?"

Her vision faded to black.

"Amber!"

Cordelia gasped. Your friend from high school, Amber. Oh god, no wonder you never talked about her. That can't be all, the car was fine now, you wouldn't keep the car your friend died- wait, Cordelia looked at the rings, you married her. She was your wife. You would have mentioned something like that to her, right?

A knock at the door interrupted her thought process.

"Ms Cordelia?" A girl burst into the bedroom.

Cordelia dropped the belongings and rushed over to the door.

"There's been a crash."

[nurseofren]

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 22

Read on AO3

Read chapter twenty-one

Title: CONNECTION LOST

Words: 5800

Warnings: Rape (bow out if you need to, I will include a brief summary in the end notes), graphic descriptions of violence, graphic descriptions of trauma.

Summary: When it rains, it pours. And then the world starts to explode. So it's all just a giant mess.

ST Rambles: Did not upload yesterday because I wanted to take my time instead of rush this thing out. I truly hope you all have enjoyed the story thus far.

Okay, so. My ADN classes and clinical start again on Thursday. What this means: I'm taking a 2-3 week break from writing so I can get into a good rhythm for school and just find my bearings. I think this is a perfect place to take a break. It'll act as an intermission in a way. Jeez, I think you all have earned one by now.

[MASTERLIST]

Excess saline dripped in crimson creaks toward the floor, a bog forming beneath a shaking foot onto a towel. Two empty flushes laid in their respective positions, remaining diagonal to each other as they’d landed earlier. Another towel was set below your thigh as you propped it onto the bathroom counter with your knee bent over the edge, choosing to remain standing rather than chance losing the ability to crawl up from the floor if you’d sat. With every thumb-push of the syringe plunger new streaks of liquid agony soaked into the red, throbbing, raging wounds; each lick of searing solution reminding you of their harbinger, your tongue stained in acrid remembrance of the words which had fallen from it.

I hate you. The phrase you’d feared most had turned out to be the least insidious, its existence light-hearted in relation to the ones that came quickly after. The simple statement had catalyzed the catastrophe, its memory burning what remained of your heart, ashes now dormant and gray within your chest, each beat superficial in the way it sustained a life you no longer wanted. It was difficult to name what you were feeling, the uncertainty rooted in the fact that you were twisted in the clutch of grief and guilt while also floating in a nebula of numbness, the contradiction dissonant and dizzying.

With each haunting phrase, each sharp with a venomous bite, new collections of misery scathed into the scarring tissue, each tear acidic in its salty existence. A recoil was earned whenever recalling the wrath that inhabited Kylo Ren’s tone when he called you a liar, its mental presence ricocheting between your ears and setting your skin aflame with goosebumps, each wave of heated chills revitalizing the blistering burns as they settled into their intentional permanence.

Upon your left thigh, bright and belligerent and baleful, sitting just above the hem of your uniform, stung the evidence of Kylo Ren’s indignation. Staring down at the welts – two pointed, laser-sharp letters – shame accompanied the initial longing regard you held for the brand. You now bore the undeniable truth of your time with Kylo Ren, a raised K set in finality next to a partnering R, the pain-inked initials tied to a turmoil laden conflict you didn’t want to acknowledge. It was too pitiful, too pathetic and disgusting even in the infancy of its consideration.

At the fringes of your mind, the dark corners of consciousness you rarely visited, sprung an aching truth that thrashed against every belief you thought you’d once held. Yet, with each shiv of shaky air, every dagger of dread pitted in pain, you came closer to accepting it. Barely below the surface now, even as the injury pulsated with piercing torment, smarted in sync with the blatant beat of your heart, you could not deny the fact that you felt deserving of its detriment and relieved by its reality. As you tended to the wounds, using whatever scrapped supplies you’d accidentally brought home from the med bay, you fought to react in a way that would be appropriate to this situation.

The malice-born mark should have tinged your blood with fury. In its wake, the aura of red which bled outward from each initial should have filled your lungs with an indisputable hostility towards their maker. Right now, suffering in solitude, you were supposed to be cursing Kylo Ren, spitting his name and screaming hellfire over him as he’d singed into you. There was an overwhelming presence of heavy self-set expectation to sink into an unrivaled hatred for the creature you’d left in that room, the same who’d left less permanent proof in the past. Though, while the targeted tissue throbbed below your trembling hands as you attempted to apply an antibacterial protectant, you found it impossible to feel anything but misery for him.

The haunting image of Kylo Ren’s fleeting soul tore talons into your chest, a coughed sob echoing in your empty residence as you replayed the tangible change in his demeanor. Had light been scarce you swore you could’ve seen the shroud of darkness fog into his sclera, set his jaw flat and firm as he’d backed away from you. Swiping the salve over your wound you shuddered into yourself, time barely hindering the void tone with which he’d rescinded his trust, the abandonment in his voice contradicting the promise you’d made him the night he’d spoken protection over you.

Time ticked on, each second one of slow suffering. As you healed the outward wounds, inward ones formed fresh and raw, head pounding with pain and regret. Even that made wrought you with guilt. The whole reason you’d gone through with Snoke’s plan was to save Mason; his life had been equated to a trading card and it had been your doing. The least you could do was free him from the hell only intended for you. But, similar to the way regarded your new scars, shame took root in the acceptance that you didn’t deem the deal a fair wager.

Maybe it was just the immediacy of the situation, or maybe you were crueler than you’d once believed, but as you’d watched Kylo rip away from you, there was a silent moment where you wished you could allow yourself to embrace the selfishness that would keep him in your life. If you’d had the time to think on it, or if the ultimatum had been less dire, less fatal, in that moment you were swallowed by the fact that your choice would have been Kylo. Completely, entirely, wholly, undoubtedly, instantaneously. Mason had been a comfort for years, someone to rely on, the boy you’d founded a fictional future with. But you’d never wanted him the way you did Kylo. It was the most foreign, mortifying thought you’d ever held, but, however small, there was a part of you that would always choose Kylo. Over Mason. Over anyone.

“Fuck!” Anger swelled as a flare of pain lashed under your touch while applying a saline saturated gauze. “I hate this!” No one was around to hear you, but that was always when the harshest truths hit.

Steadying yourself with the counter and the door, you hobbled away from your working position, affected leg just barely grazing the ground while you made your way into the kitchen. “How did this even fucking happen? Why did it have to be me?” You stood away from a drawer, activating it and digging around until you found a roll of paper tape. “I left here this morning hating him. Why can’t I just go back? I-,” a strangle of tears came, fingers prying uselessly to find the start. “I want to go back.” Thick and faltered, the words fell from devastated lips.

Giving up on your hands you ripped your teeth into the waxy material, spitting the torn tape from your mouth once you finally found the start tab. A rush of hysterics hit, lungs stuttering in defensive laughter. “You can probably fucking hear me, I bet! What, you saw me then, why not now? Why wouldn’t you see me like this, you fucked, disgusting, wretched, voyeuristic scum!”

Pressing down on the damp gauze, keeping it in place, you reached into the drawer once more to grab a roll of left over Kerlix. Tearing it open – again, with your teeth – you pressed it against your upper thigh and held it in place, regarding your scars covered the surface area that spanned the length of your pinky, both horizontally and vertically. Wrapping the rolled gauze continuously around your upper thigh, you couldn’t help but appreciate how precise and clean the letters were. Even brandishing a pen of pain Kylo Ren’s handwriting was beautiful, the thought bringing you a hesitant warmth with a short burst of guilt. The uproar of conflict currently battling in your soul would surely be the death of you.

Taking the last strip of tape, you secured the dressing, smoothing your left hand over it to make sure friction was minimal. While doing so, you caught sight of a flashing message scrawling across in bright red capital letters. The radar had disappeared altogether, not only vacant of the red dot indicative of Kylo’s location, but even of the faint red lines it had moved across. Waiting until the message cycled through until the beginning, you felt your lungs empty as the last letter solidified the severance from your Master.

CONNECTION LOST

“No. No. No no no. Why?” Frenzied fingers tread through sweat sodden roots, pain shooting up your leg as it bore new weight. “I didn’t ever want this! Why? Why? Why?” Sinking to the floor, willfully basking in the pain, you crumpled onto the tile until ice bit the backs of your calves.

Heaves of air collected and left in rushed lungfuls, choked cries reverberating through the room while the heels of your hands dammed the influx of tears. A frantic effort was made to think of anything else, a distraction sought in the face of your now official loss. Cycling through this morning you recalled conversations held by stormtroopers on the Command Shuttle, sharing news and celebrating in the fact that the Republic had been destroyed just prior to landing on Takodana. Mason had gone out of his way all those weeks ago to tell you of the mandatory rally, only for neither of you to be on Starkiller to attend it. It had to have been at least two hours since it occurred, its contents and importance still a mystery to you. A shawl of shivers fell onto heavy shoulders, that feeling of dread you’d felt this morning reminding you of how this day had begun on an off note, like it was destined for doom.

A click and a hiss came from behind, your heart stalling and nose sniffling. The only other person who could have access to your residence was-

“Kylo?” It was a quiet plead.

There was no response, no movement. Unease struck the hairs on the back of your neck. Looking back to your watch, the same message still running across the screen, you didn’t know what to think. The first thing that came to mind was to grovel, to take his sudden presence in stride and fulfill your wishes of selfishness. This was your opportunity to tell him everything, already knowing the excruciating truth of not doing so earlier. Him coming back gave you the chance to right all the wrong done today.

Sloppy, careless movements brought you to your knees. Seething, you remained here while the stinging diminished. “Kylo, none of it was true! You were right. I don’t hate you. I don’t. I promise, I don’t. I can’t.” Confessions were abundant while he evaded your senses. “Snoke. It was all Snoke. He threatened Mason, and, and I had to. Please, you have to understand!”

There was still no answer, but a hiss; it was similar to the mask’s muzzle, but not exact. The difference was strange, like your ears were playing tricks. The sound was closer than the door, still out of sight.

“Kylo, I’m so sorry! I’ll do any- ah!” No matter how tender you tried to be, attempting to stand without pain proved impossible. “I’ll do anything. But please know that I didn’t mean any of that! You aren’t irredeemable. You’re not a bastard. I never… I never want to forget you.”

“And you won’t, I promise. Though, I’d prefer you call me by my name.”

Just as soon as you’d regained an upright posture, you nearly lost it. It was Robbie. He was in your residence. He was here. Robbie was here, talking, with you. At you.

“You know the one.” He came into view, armor intact other than his helmet. “Miss me?”

“How are you- how did you get-,”

“Mm, you really should be more careful, especially with belongings like this.” Robbie, wicked eyes slithering down your stature, held a black rectangle between two fingers. “You never know who might get a hold of them.”

As light glinted over the object your chest sunk in instant realization. It had been so long ago, such a minute occurrence that you hadn’t thought anything of it. All those weeks ago, only a few days after Kylo had barred your practice, you had lost the keycard he’d given you. The one that had been folded into his note was lost in an accidental run-in with a stormtrooper. Its absence had only been noticed a few hours after losing it in the cafeteria, when leaving Mason’s and having to get an emergency replacement that day.

“Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.” A hobbled step neared you towards the counter.

“I told you the last time we spoke—” the card hit the floor with a booming clip, its sound lost in your pulse “—this isn’t over.” A slow step carried him forward, sending you back further. “Almost, but not just yet.”

His presence was mutilating, every muscle tensing even as your leg throbbed in rejection. The edge of the counter bit at the small of your back, hands gripping into the edges.

“Why are you doing this? Why now? Why me?” It seemed that was the question of the day. Two quivering lips took turns quieting pain and hiding fear.

“Why am I doing this?” He was a madman, visage void of sanity. Another calculated step forward, your pulse peaking. “I knew you were stupid, but this? Come on, you don’t actually think you’re completely innocent here, do you?”

One final step and he was smothering you, fury sweltering as it drifted from his skin to yours. His jugular vein was throbbing to match one prominent on his forehead. Kylo’s eyes may have resembled the emptiness of death, but Robbie’s were swimming with a vengeful desire to deliver it. Vomit rose when you smelled his breath, felt it hot over your nose in his proximity.

“Maybe you can learn, though.” He brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear, clammy hands slick over burning skin, scanning eyes set in thought. “Maybe you’re not completely helpless after all.”

Two hands strangled your own, tightened them to the counter as he pressed his chest against you, leaning down until he could bury his nose in the collar of your uniform. A complete breath hadn’t come since seeing him, head dizzying with thoughts of blame, rejection, and emergency.

“Why are you apologizing to Ren, huh?” Violating lips pressed into your neck, a whimper leaving as you fought to escape him, searching for the fasted route to safety while he couldn’t see you. “Say sorry to me, baby. It’s that simple.”

Self defense was useless against his armor. His lips pulled at your lobe, a gag forming at the touch. Twisting away from him, you peered down to the drawer and found a pair of scissors, their red handle bright in your periphery. The crushing weight over your hands became bruising, your throat thirsty for escape. The only way to evade him was to indulge him, to distract him with the very thing he sought most.

Repulsion clawed at your stomach. “You want me to apologize, correct?” Sultry words hid the sickness they brought.

Robbie hummed into your neck, nose now buried in your hair while he bucked his hips into you, fire sprouting from your wounds under the pressure. “That’s all I’ve wanted this whole time,” just as Snoke had claimed your last name, Robbie clutched your first, rolling it off in a purr.

“I bet you want me to say your name, too, right? You’d like that a lot?” Today had tested your ability to hide your true intentions. Brushing your thumbs along his hold, as much as you could under their restriction, you eyed the scissors. “The name I gave you?”

A grunt left him, another thrust into your brand fuzzing your vision. “Yes. Say my name. Apologize to me.”

Eyes shut tight while Robbie continued in his unwanted nearness, you swallowed hard. “Kiss me, then.” He stopped moving, shoulders still as air stalled in his lungs. “Kiss me and I’ll apologize. I’ll say your name.” It was a desperate hope to hold that he wouldn’t hear the shakiness of the offer.

“Dammit,” he breathed, “you can’t be taught.” Rage grated against his throat, grip leaving your hands and wrapping around your neck. He leaned you back over the counter, the stance awkward and agonizing. “What a stupid bitch! You think this is a trade? You ruined my life! You gave me an identity and ripped it away like it was nothing! Like I was nothing!”

Black pulsed at the corners of your vision, his face doubling and dizzying as you reached for the drawer, fingers inching over nondescript items. “Apologize! And maybe, maybe! I will let you leave here. How does that sound?”

Grappling your free hand over his clutch, you gagged for words, none escaping his compression while you collected saliva at the back of your mouth. You mouthed his name, eyes full of feigned pleads while your fingers found the scissors’ handle.

Robbie’s jaw quivered more while he watched you struggle. Your manipulation was working. That seemed to be a theme today. Though, this one was much easier to endure. Two murderous eyes flickered between yours, quicker and quicker with each movement until he released your throat just enough for you to form words.

Fist locked onto your weapon, adrenaline readying, you stared directly at him and hocked a gob of hot spit into his eyes. He went to shake it free, but your hand came up and slashed down through his brow and over his left cheek. Robbie’s hands flooded towards his face as you pushed him out of the way, scissors still in hand while you rushed for the door. But your leg was a hindrance, dragging behind you, eventually only hopping on the one when the pain began to cut deeper with each stride.

The door activated per your touch and basked you in the light of freedom, only for your head to fly backward as a fist dragged you away from safety. A string of winces left in line with a pouted scream. It barely registered but the exit hissed shut again, your forehead cracking against it with the same force that’d just been around your throat.

“This is what I’ve been waiting for—” a harsh inhale came at your nape “—you knew it all along. Away for months only to get new fucking security the moment you return?”

He had you pinned, legs splayed and arms flung out. Your forearms framed your head, his hands flat over your wrists and stealing every bit of opportunity. The scissors hung loosely under your hand, teetering closer to the floor with each second.

“You left me! I woke up and you were gone. Such a fucking cunt, and for no reason.”

“You are psychotic you sick, vile creature!” Pain seethed into your tone, bandage rubbing into the raised skin.

Robbie trembled with anger, his body vibrating at your back as he pressed further into your right hand so the scissors finally fell. “Maybe that voice was never beautiful.” His right arm bent your elbow behind your back so his abdomen could trap it there; when he was satisfied, he reached it around you so it lay flat in front of your mouth, grip wrapping around your left forearm. His head pushed into yours so your mouth went flush with his arm and your nose could barely attempt at breathing. “Maybe it was only ever annoying. Useless.”

You couldn’t escape him. There were no defenses left to attempt, the only one now bloodied at your feet. All you could do was endure. There was nothing left. No time. No saviors. All that remained was an overwhelming sense of guilt and a pestering question: did you deserve this? After all you’d done, all you’d been forced to do and go through with? In some way, was this karma? In turn for hurting the one you loved, you would be hurt by one who you’d wanted to love? Was this the restoration of balance?

A stifling hand rushed under your skirt, taking time to grope at the flesh over your underwear. Every effort to flex away from him was wasted, and there was so little left to fight for. The message that flashed over your left wrist taunted you, held you just as captive as the monster behind you; in saving two lives, doing what you thought was right, you had given up every aspect of your own. Robbie had snaked his touch beneath the thin fabric, now moving it aside and preparing his own clothing, and the only thing you could focus on was the patterned scrawl on your watch.

It was mocking you, emphasizing its point in the darkest moment of your life, your body stiff and scared with no lasting dignity. There was less than a person, less than a shell now. Each organ working to keep you alive was doing so in vain, purpose fleeting from your foggy thoughts; you’d returned to heal wounds you’d grown to want, and now you wouldn’t live to see them scab over.

You wretched onto his arm, biting down onto the flexed muscle, when you felt the head of his penis swipe over the back of your injured leg. Vomit threatened when his hips circled and he moaned, breath thick and satisfied.

“No, you’ll never forget me,” he huffed, “You won’t have the time.”

Robbie readied himself for penetration, your tears hot and obstructed at his arm, your eyes peering over at the watch as you tried to die at your own will first. Furious, unrefined disgust and shame stabbed your soul when you felt him proceed, felt him buck into you. Your brain couldn’t decide whether to catch fire or burn out, didn’t want to accept this as one of the last things you’d feel.

His breath shuddered at your neck, your cries silent and shattered beneath him. He attempted to speak, but something happened. Something sudden and fleeting and rapturous. A miracle born in the absence of hope.

The lights went out. Pitch blackness swallowed you, enveloped him and in tow distracted him. His restraints weakened and you slammed your head back against his, adrenaline softening the blow.

“Fuck!” Robbie tripped backwards, leaving you completely.

Stunned at the event, you stalled, not knowing what to do. You couldn’t move quick enough, Robbie catching your knee in his bent over position. It was nearly impossible to see him, but the red cast of your watch threw crimson shadows just far enough to glint off his bloodied features. He wasn’t going to give up until one of you was dead.

“Get off of me!” Of course he’d attached himself to the leg currently rippling pain through your body.

“We’re not finished!” A rough tug brought you down next to him where he attempted to climb on top of you, your fingers digging into his eyes and sending him to his back.

“No—” scrambling fingers searched the dark for your earlier weapon, drying blood sticking when you found it “—we’re not.”

Red. Everything was red. Robbie’s face. The blood which dripped from it. Your hands, the same blood streaking and drying in place. He couldn’t see you’d gained the upper hand. In a final glance over the animal beside you, searching him for humanity and drawing a blank, you felt your heart stutter with a decision that would mark you for life. A mark you’d make yourself.

Interlocking your fingers over the red handle, two steady hands pulsating over the hard object, you brought your arms up and slammed them down with insurgence, hitting the break in his uniform over his right inner thigh. Robbie roared in response, his howls echoing into the nothingness which surrounded him. The red haze of your radar glinted off the pool of blood forming beneath him. With each second, each flashing moment, it grew wider and fuller.

With a hard swallow, relief barely recognizable, you looked into his wide eyes just as the ground began to shake. “Now we’re done.”

Without dropping his stare, your hand slammed to activate the door and you backed out of your residence, watching him fade from view when it locked in front of you. It had to be done. He would’ve done the same. It was him or you. In searching for a reason why, you saw a change in the light coming from your watch. The flashing was different, and it started vibrating. Lifting it to your face, you found the message missing and the radar returned. It was fading in and out, though.

No matter, you were rushed back into the reality of people running past and into the floor lobby. A crowd surrounded the elevator, anger being pushed into the button when it wouldn’t respond. You and your floormates were exiles, the floor continuing its violent shaking. A cloud of rushed and flustered conversation plumed down the hall before every face turned towards you.

“Stairs,” said a quiet collection. “Stairs!”

A group of two dozen people stormed in your direction, their speed scaring you past your pain and into the stairwell. The group moved over each other, the leader switching between you and two men. It was a hushed chaos of stomping feet and fast breath. Nobody would make any noise other than the occasional grunt. On the fourth flight of stairs, more and more people piling out from the doors of their respective floors, your leg began to ache again. Though every step burned into you, you knew you had to escape this. You’d escaped much worse just a minute ago, and, for whatever reason, you were still living. Unknown to you, only revealing itself when it was entirely too necessary, there was a fight in you, and whether it be for yourself or someone or something else, you indulged in it with each step.

When the now stampede of officers of all backgrounds pushed past the doors into the Elite docking bay an alarming new mayhem ripped into realization. Hoards of people were fumbling and climbing over each other while screams tore through the room from all directions. TIEs were being crowded with as many bodies that could fit, and then some. The group you’d arrived with all flailed out, each person on their own journey towards safety.

Right where you’d left it earlier, before every horrible thing had gone on, sat the Command Shuttle. Even this far you could hear the engines stirring. Your legs took over and carried you as fast as they could, no matter the injury or barricades of people. The hell that had been born on this forsaken base would die with it, but you refused to do the same.

Each stride brought you closer the now ascending ramp, watching it close as you caught a glimpse of the future you wanted and were going to fight like hell to protect. One, two, three sloppy paces and your foot caught on the elevated ramp, your body sliding into the ship as it closed completely under you.

Desperate breaths stifled a groan as you slid across the floor. A white boot stomped in front of your face as you remained splayed and heaving beside it.

“Clearance?” It was a command, however useless as you felt the ship lift from the ground.

A dark thought crossed your mind – well, do you want my watch, or my keycard, or my uniform, or my leg? Rolling over you found General Hux standing on your opposite side. A thick gulp came as you patted your left arm to your chest, tracing over R – E – N to point towards your position.

“I’m his nurse.” Each word was separate and gasped. “His. I’m his. Commander Ren, I’m his nurse.”

The stormtrooper looked to Hux for approval, only for Hux to look at you with grim, stunned eyes and nod his head. “She’s authorized,” he said. He turned toward the bow of the ship. “Proceed to Ren’s location.”

Remaining on the floor, you felt the ship vibrate into your tired chest, felt the adrenaline course through you in violent pulsations. A veil was cast over your mind, everything close yet distant, present yet past. The only thing you registered was when the ship descended once more and sent your body towards the hatch again. Gripping onto the edge of a seat you strained your arms to keep still, not knowing what was going on, just aware you were still breathing.

Six pairs of boots crowded and fled the now open hatch, frigid air stinging over heated skin. “We’ll get his right, you three get his left!”

Ren’s location? Get his left? “What’s going on? Where is Ren?”

Your questions fell on absent ears, Hux now standing and staring out at the threshold until turning his body to allow the men more room.

“He’s breathing, General, but-,”

“But what?” It was the loudest you’d been since screaming in the halls.

Forcing yourself onto your knees, relying on the adrenaline keeping your own pain at bay, you stood to see your Commander being lowered onto the ground, three men at either of his sides seemingly struggling under his weight.

It was an automatic response to rush to him, to begin searching for injuries and checking for airway, breathing, and circulation hindrances. There wasn’t much hiding the emergency residing over his right side, splitting the skin and muscle apart in a broken, bloody stripe. It flayed his face, red streaks spilling from it and glinting in the low light of the ship.

“Stars! Someone get me some light!” you screamed, command taking over. This was your patient. This was your future. You were going to protect him. No matter what, that’s what you were going to do.

Two soldiers jumped at your voice, flooding away and falling into the wall when the ship catapulted upward once more. One grappled for the back wall and pulled a black box with a red medic symbol engraved on top. He threw it to the second and the three next to you scattered so he could open it for you and shine an overhead light.

“Hey! You three—” you barely glanced at the men before gesturing them down “—take these and apply heavy pressure when I say, understand?”

None of them moved when you threw three dense collection pads toward them. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” They all quickly grabbed one and waited for your go ahead.

Angling yourself so you could finally find Kylo’s eyes, you leaned over him and watched as he seethed away; you didn’t know if this was a reaction aimed towards you or due to the very obvious pain he was in.

“Kylo,” you whispered, knowing it was too loud and chaotic for anyone else to hear or care, “you’re going to feel pressure and then it’s going to be really painful, but I need to make sure the bleeding stops. Just be prepared.”

He looked up at you like he’d never met you, like you were a perfect stranger. It wasn’t the nothingness from before, but instead something more alive. Wonderment, almost. Or shock. That was a more reasonable emotion at this moment.

Keeping his stare, you gestured the three waiting men with your hand. “Now.”

The men plunged the sponges into his wound and watched as the material expanded and filled with blood. Kylo’s jaw set firm and fluttered by his ear. A quiet grunt left him while your own breath caught. Watching him so pained and wounded was an impossible act. The only thought you’d allow yourself to have was of the relief you’d have once he was being cared for by a team from wherever the ship was heading.

Something warm washed over your right knee. Looking away from him you found it was more blood, another wound on the side of his abdomen dripping through his uniform.

“Fuck, I swear!” You threw your hands over it, pushing deep into his tissue. “How much longer till-,”

The ship answered your question before you could finish it, slightly angling to the side as it went into a rough, screeching landing. Kylo grimaced at this just slightly, lip trembling only a second before he returned to that same shock, staring up at you in silence.

Light seared into the ship when the ramp fell without effort, hitting the floor with two loud bangs. Before you could register, a team of medical professionals slid a transfer board below him and went to move. You grabbed one of the handles on the side, remaining at his waist while you watched him, keeping steady pressure over his abdomen. Blood sopping onto your hands and burying Robbie’s.

“How long has he been like this?” came an indiscriminate voice from behind you. A man, again. The same one who’d helped you with Talia. The physician you’d worked with to save your patient.

“We collected him probably five minutes ago. Initially I only noticed the one gash but found another two minutes ago. There has been constant pressure applied since discovery. The patient is semi-alert, not responding verbally, but appears to be awake.” There was no time for stuttering, the group closing in on the entrance to the Elite med bay.

“Another one right over his shoulder, sir.” Another voice, female this time, came from behind.

“I’m ordering stat fluids and blood replacement therapy. Along with that I will instruct the pharmacy to have antibiotics ready and for the arrival team to gain the appropriate IV access first thing.” The team pushed into the assessment room you’d come to know all too well, your feet stopping as the physician’s did next to you.

“Do you approve of those orders?” He snaked his head to get your attention.

Stunned, shell-shocked eyes peered up at him, head dizzy and ears rushing with blood. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re his nurse. You got him this far. Do you think anything else needs to be added to the immediate care plan?”

You’d meant to say no, to agree that the physician was appropriate and logical in his treatment. Instead, your eyes fluttered shut as sound began to fade. The ceiling grew in distance while you felt your knees give out.

“Get her head!”

The last thing you registered was a hand at the back of your neck and the sound of urgent feet rushing toward you. There was a faint set of three beeps which accompanied your fall, monitors running beyond the threshold where Kylo was receiving care. A team was caring for him. He was safe. You could rest now. You could heal now.

And so you did.