#hate to lose a good show to a shitty business decision

[countless-potr]

Y'all you don't understand. My new job is so sooo haunted! I finally had a good ghost story to send to To Many Spirits! This is devastating!!

Now I'm stuck here working at this haunted ass building during the graveyard shift for no fucking reason. I have to tell all the ghouls I see out of the corner of my eye that vanish if I turn to look and that lady who was whispering to me in the empty garage that they gotta give it up. No more motion sensing lights flickering on with no one near, no more motion activated security cameras trying to capture intruders and picking up nothing.

There's no point to all that silliness now. Watcher is dead boys, pack it up. 😞

[deadpcnned]

Sealed by the Storm (jj.m)

chapter two

pairing: jj maybank x reader; marriage of convenience

content warning(s): mentions of blood (finger cut), mansplaining 🤢, angst

author's note: second chapter! sort of a filler chapter while we see a glimpse into jj and reader's relationship. the plot picks up the next chapter. also thank you so much to the lovely people who already joined the taglist, i hope i don't disappoint <3

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“Come on, you piece of crap,” Y/N mumbled, falling back on her hands and giving her knees the relief she needed from squatting for the past fifteen minutes. She groaned as she removed the flashlight lodged between her teeth. The generator for the charter shack had shut down in the afternoon but with all the Pogue’s campaigning to get people to show up to the impending courthouse hearing, the shop had been closed and no one bothered fixing it. 

Y/N looked out to the water, staring at the moon as it hung low over the water. She hadn’t wanted to come out here to fix the generator, much preferring the comfort of the hammock she had been lying in, but she doubted anyone else was thinking about it. If she didn’t get this thing working tonight, the lights would be shot for the early-morning charters, and JJ would never let anyone hear the end of just how much business they were losing – even though he could’ve been out here trying to fix the problem.  

As much as Y/N wanted to try to repair the generator with a begrudged attitude, she knew she’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit JJ was partly why she was out here so late. She didn’t hate JJ Maybank, not by a long shot. Y/N believed hatred should only be reserved for people with dark hearts, full of evil and malice. JJ was not only far from that level of rotten but also a good guy. In her heart of hearts, she knew he was probably one of the best guys on this island. But knowing someone wasn’t a bad person didn’t mean you had to like them all the time. 

And God had she spent the last few months severely disliking him. She just wasn’t the type of girl who could exercise enough patience when someone like JJ ran amok. John B had told her a few times that JJ had a rough go at life and sometimes that made him act irrationally, impulsively. But hadn’t they all? It wasn’t even a question– she knew they all had been dealt some shitty cards. She never understood the way the Pogues would let him off with an exasperated expression or a few angry words when they’d all seen hard times. They had lost all the money they’d gotten from the El Dorado gold over stupid decisions and she felt like she couldn’t even be mad about it. 

Sure, there was a rare beauty in what they’d created due to the aftermath of those decisions. She hadn’t felt the sense of belonging she got when she was with the Pogues in this eclectic home they’d built since she was thirteen. She’d known other types of love, like the love she received from Terrance, but it wasn’t like this, like the love only a family could give you. Terrance had taken care of her and Cleo in ways a father should have, but that didn’t change the fact that he was their captain. She answered to him and had to follow his every order, no matter how she felt about it. That kind of dynamic couldn’t produce unconditional love, even if she knew a deep kind of love still existed. With the Pogues, she knew it wasn’t like that. She’d gotten through the tests of loyalty they never explicitly told her she was taking and that gave her a permanent spot on their DIY family tree. But why did that love have to mean they stayed broke forever?

So, yeah, she couldn’t always stand JJ and his quirks, sue her. Yet, here she was, on a late night, the only light around her from the moon and the flashlight she held, trying to make sure JJ could do something that made him happy tomorrow. She could admit, probably only to herself, that she cared enough about him to want that. Since she’d stolen Genrette’s letter from JJ, her stomach had twisted every time she thought about it. JJ’s tense family relationships, or lack thereof, weren’t a secret, though Y/N didn’t know the extent of how bad it could get. To think that he now had to deal with the possibility that everything he had known was a lie and that everything he had endured growing up hadn’t been written for him made her feel sick. The one thing she could cling to on nights when her mind seemed to play a constant loop of her worst childhood memories was that she knew where she came from. She knew her name and she knew what that meant, even if her name was all she had left to show for that part of herself. JJ might not even have that. 

At some point, Y/N had found herself closing her eyes as she listened to the distant slap of waves against the pilings and occasional creak of the shack. There wasn’t much Y/N could do for JJ, nor was there much she wanted to do for him, but she guessed it wouldn’t hurt to repair some dingy generator. It’s not like she didn’t have experience doing these kinds of jobs.

Sighing, Y/N stuck the tiny flashlight she’d brought back between her teeth and resumed her crouching in front of the black and yellow box. The beam of her flashlight shook slightly as she spoke her next steps aloud, trying to find where she kept going wrong. Y/N wasn’t a patient person, though, and as more time went on she felt the same frustration creep up. Her movements began to grow quicker with every passing second, trying anything and everything that could work. In her franticness, her fingers slipped, grazing a sharp edge, and she hissed pulling it back to examine her finger. Sucking in a breath, she rolled her eyes at the cut on her finger. Somehow she’d managed to cut herself deep enough that she’d need to wipe off the blood and find a bandaid. Just as she was going to get up, she heard the sound of familiar footsteps padding against the deck. Y/N could recognize the sound of  JJ’s workboots anywhere. There was a time she used to look forward to that sound, though she’d never let anyone know. That was before the blond-haired boy had shattered her trust. 

“What are you doing out here?” JJ asked, not waiting for her to turn around and acknowledge him. With one last glance at her finger, Y/N moved to look at JJ. From the light of the moon, she could see he was wearing a muscle tank and some shorts, his hair tussled in every which way indicating he’d likely been sleeping before this.

“Fixing the generator,” Y/N said, flicking her flashlight to the box behind her. “It shot out earlier today.” She turned the flashlight back towards JJ, causing him to flinch from her shining the light directly in his eyes.

“Jesus, don’t blind me,” JJ covered his eyes with his forearm, waiting until Y/N moved the light and mumbled a ‘sorry.’ He moved closer to where Y/N was standing to try to get a better look at the generator behind her. “I didn’t realize the generator was acting up.”  

That was odd. JJ always noticed when something was wrong around the store, especially if it could influence his chartering. He must have been really out of it today if he hadn’t noticed something as big as the generator being out. 

“Yeah,” Y/N said, deciding against pointing out how worrisome it was that JJ hadn’t noticed. “But it doesn’t look like the piece of shit can be fixed. I’ve checked everything that could be wrong.” 

“Did you check the fuel levels?” JJ asked, sticking his hand out for Y/N to pass him the flashlight. 

“First thing I did.” Rolling her eyes, Y/N let him have the object. No point in stopping the inevitable.  

“What about the oil levels? Or the air filters. Maybe they’re blocked.”

“Nope, checked both those things.”

“Alright let me just check the wiring. It cou–”

“Already did that,” Y/N’s voice was a bit louder now, forcing JJ to snap his head up. “And I have a cut to prove it. Now is there any more advice you want to mansplain before I leave?” Y/N’s arms crossed across her chest, not trying to hide just how irritated she was with JJ. When did she ever?

JJ blinked, his mouth opening and closing. He shook his head, looking down. The slight tilt of his head was her only indication in the low lighting that he looked ashamed. He kind of looked like a scolded child. She hated that she found it cute. 

“No, ‘m sorry,” JJ muttered, moving away from the generator and stopping directly before Y/N. “Here, let me see.” 

Before she could try to stop him, JJ flashed the light to where Y/N’s hand now rested uncrossed. Comparing both her hands, he reached for the one that was bleeding, before mumbling a curse under his breath. JJ’s touch was gentle as he tilted her hand to assess the damage. JJ’s thumb grazed the back of her hand in a steady pattern. Y/N wasn’t sure if he noticed the way his touch lingered or if it was just an unconscious reflex, but the moment his thumb skimmed across her skin, she felt a rush of warmth spread through her, settling deep in her chest. Her breath caught and she couldn’t figure out why such a simple action was suddenly making her so aware of him. 

“Got yourself bad,” JJ said, his voice coming out in a whisper as if any increase in volume would shatter this moment around them. She wasn’t sure why, but Y/N didn’t want to be the one to shatter it either.

“I-it’s nothing,” She assured him, the level of her voice matching his. “Just a cut.”

“Yeah, but you’ll still need to clean it.” JJ’s hand lingered on Y/N’s for a moment longer, before stepping back and giving the girl some much-needed space. “I’ve got a first aid kit, one sec.” 

“The first aid kits we bought are in the house, not here,” Y/N reminded him, her voice returning to its regular cadence, when he stepped towards the door of the shack. “Remember?”

“I keep one here,” JJ explained, stepping through the doorway that led to the tiny store. A moment later he returned with what looked like a blue and white first aid kit. Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the box in JJ’s hands. The Pogues had bought a bundle of two first aid kits when they had opened the store because Pope insisted that it was important to keep one on hand. But those kits had been red and white, so when had JJ bought this? Or why? It seemed kind of a waste.

Without saying a word, JJ sat himself down on the steps that lead up to the deck and motioned for Y/N to join him. 

“JJ, I can clean the cut. You don’t have to worry about it,” Y/N assured him, not moving towards the stairs.

“There ain’t much light, otherwise I wouldn’t insist,” JJ called back, shifting through the supplies in the box. “I know you’re tougher than a little cut. I just want to help.” There was something in his tone that told her it might be more than a want. “I won’t screw it up, don’t worry.”

Y/N suppressed a sigh, letting her head fall while he couldn’t see. Maybe she was too harsh on him. She didn’t want him to feel so dejected around her, she just expected more from him. Hesitating for only a minute longer, she moved to sit next to him on the rickety staircase. Wordlessly, she positioned herself so her knees were turned towards JJ, her bare skin brushing against the fabric of his shorts. She waited as JJ pulled out the necessary materials and took the flashlight from him when he held it out to her.  A moment later, JJ looked up at her, making her breath catch again.

The shadows softened the sharp edges of his face, hiding most of him from her view, but the faint moonlight caught just enough – the slope of his nose, the curve of his jaw, and the faint outline of his lips. The limited light didn’t do much to illuminate his features, but it was enough to make her pulse quicken. The way his eyes, even in the dark, seemed to fill the gap of silence between them, was unnerving. The shadows seemed to lean into him, framing his face like a half-finished sketch that was the most captivating piece of art she’d ever seen. JJ was handsome in every light, but there was something enchanting about him in the moonlight.  

“I’m gonna need your hand,” JJ spoke, breaking Y/N out of her trance. 

“What?” Y/N asked, too dazed to cringe at how dense she must’ve sounded. She watched JJ’s lips stretch into a smirk and again, even in the dark she could see that teasing glint in his eyes. 

“Your hand? You know, to clean the cut?” JJ broke eye contact with Y/N to look at her hand, which was tucked away at her side. With JJ’s eyes concealed from her, Y/N snapped out of her thoughts and looked down at her hand too. 

“Oh, right.” Y/N extended her arm, so her hand hovered above the first aid kit in JJ’s lap, silently berating herself for her lapse in focus. She thought JJ would definitely be letting that go to his head, but instead of taking this moment to embarrass Y/N, JJ simply took her hand in his grasp.

“Flash the light this way,” He said, his voice only slightly teasing. “Perfect.” He worked in silence, letting go of her hand to open an individually wrapped alcohol wipe before his warm fingertips wrapped back around her palm. The silence would have been a nice change of pace from JJ’s incessant need to fill any quiet moments, but right now Y/N didn’t trust herself. The less they talked the more she’d stare.

“Thanks,” Y/N controlled her voice so that it didn’t betray any discomfort as she spoke. “So um… how are you doing?”

“Hm?” JJ asked, the small sound endued with confusion.

“About the letter,” She clarified. “That news is a lot to handle.” She felt JJ’s hand tighten for a moment before loosening up. He chuckled, not stilling his movements as he placed the bloodied wipe next to him.

“You could say that,” JJ’s tone carried a sense of amusement, but she knew it was just a front. He let her hand go again, to unscrew the cap of the generic Neosporin. When he began applying the ointment to the cut, he didn’t take her hand in his again, instead letting it hang in the air. “I’m fine. Don’t really believe any of it anyway.”

“You don’t?” 

“You do?” JJ said, looking up at her. Y/N turned the flashlight in her hand to get a better read on his expression, causing JJ to flinch back like before. Shielding his eyes, he shouted, “Stop doing that!” 

“Sorry! I’m sorry,” Y/N said frantically, but her apology was overpowered by a fit of laughter. 

“Seriously! You keep doin’ that and I’m gonna need a seeing-eye dog, woman.” JJ quipped, causing her to laugh even harder.

It took her a moment to calm down from her laughter and when she looked at JJ he had a small smile on his face. Simply chuckling, he shook his head and started to apply the ointment. Not wanting this conversation to pass them, Y/N continued with her earlier thought. “It’s not that I do believe it, but it’s not outside the realm of possibility. It could be real.” JJ’s smile disappeared, but she could tell from the position of his shoulders he wasn’t upset. 

“It feels like it is…. Impossible, I mean.” Y/N nodded as he spoke waiting to see if he’d elaborate. When he remained silent, she didn’t push. JJ needed to talk to someone because she had seen how everything played out disastrously when he didn't. But she wouldn’t push him to talk to her. They’d been better friends at one point. JJ had been one of the first people she bonded with when she’d joined the Pogues, aside from Sarah who she had felt an immediate inclination towards on Terrance’s ship. It didn’t matter though, that she’d once considered him her (second) closest friend in the group because she definitely wasn’t that person for him. She probably had a large part to play in that, but acknowledging that didn’t change how things were. She knew she had no right to force him to talk, so she shifted her attention to something else to fill the space between them. As she searched for another topic, she noticed JJ was already wrapping the bandaid around her finger, meaning he was almost done. 

“So, since when do you keep a first aid kit here?” Y/N asked, not wanting him to leave just yet– not after their first good moment in a long time. “This one’s different from the ones we got with Pope.”

“I’ve had it for a while,” JJ shrugged, throwing the bandaid wrapper to the growing pile of trash next to him. Y/N aimed the flashlight at the box of medical supplies, taking a proper look at it for the first time. It was a total wreck: silver wrappers spilling out, oversized bandage wrappers crumpled haphazardly, and a few tools resting on the rubbish she couldn’t properly identify. She’s not sure why the mess surprised her considering the kit belonged to JJ and he could be a bit clumsy, but how had he used so much already? 

“How long is ‘a while’?” Y/N pressed, leaning forward to shuffle through the mess. She shifted through the mess, tugging out a half-crumpled roll of gauze. “This thing’s been through the wringer. No wonder it took you so long to find the stuff.” She tossed the gauze back up in the box, noting the moment his expression changed. 

“Yeah,” JJ said before his jaw tightened and he stood up abruptly with the box in his hands. “It works fine.” JJ roughly set the first aid kit on the ledge of the shack, turning to face away from Y/N. 

Y/N frowned, not intending to have stuck a nerve with him. “Hey, I didn’t mean–”

“You know what?” JJ interrupted, spinning completely to face the generator. His movements were sharper now, less fluid. “I’m just gonna check one more time. There’s gotta be a way to fix this.”

Y/N rose to her feet, her stomach already clenching with the fear of an impending mishap. “JJ, stop. Leave it. I already–”

“I’m sure you checked it properly,” JJ cut her off as he crouched beside the generator. JJ’s hands moved frantically, tugging wires, and removing lids. “You probably just missed something, that’s all.” 

“JJ, hold on,” Y/N urged, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and shining her flashlight where JJ was still working. “Let’s just—”

JJ shrugged her hand off, his movements growing more erratic.“No– relax…just relax. It’s fine, see? I’m just gonna–” JJ kept twisting wires and prying things that didn’t need prying, parts that even Y/N hadn’t dared to touch despite spending the better half of her life on various ships.

“Please. Stop,” Y/N insisted. She knew this JJ, she’d seen him too much recently. “You’re making it worse.” JJ visibly flinched at her words but didn’t slow his movements.

“I’ve got it!” JJ snapped, his voice loud in the silent night. “I can fix this. Just let me fix it.” Y/N heard the way JJ’s voice waivered at the end, but she didn’t have time to figure out what it meant. Suddenly, JJ began to hit his hand against the side of the generator mumbling, “It just needs a little push.” 

Y/N’s protests fell on deaf ears as JJ continued his harsh beating of the generator, his movements extreme as if the generator had personally insulted him. JJ’s didn’t stop, until finally, miraculously, the entire deck lit up. Y/N looked around, her eyes wide as she took in the sight. There was no way…

“See?” JJ got up from the floor, his arms spread out on either side of him as his breath began to slow down. “Just needed a magic touch.” As he walked closer to Y/N, JJ gave her a pointed look that was no doubt meant to say ‘I told you so.’ Y/N pursed her lips, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of admitting he’d fixed the problem. It wasn’t because she hadn’t been able to do it herself. It was because once again JJ had let his impulsive behavior take the wheel and this time he just got lucky. Pushing past her ego, Y/N was about to say thank you when –

A loud SNAP interrupted her, followed by a mechanical whine before she was met with complete silence. And darkness. Save for the orange sparks flying out from somewhere in the generator. JJ cursed under his breath, as he and Y/N ran down the stairs and off the deck. It was silent as they watched to make sure nothing else happened and the sparks didn’t lead to a fire. When she was sure there wouldn’t be anything else, she turned to JJ, her jaw set in annoyance. 

“You’ve got it?” Y/N repeated his words back to him, dripping in sarcasm. “You broke it, JJ.” 

JJ didn’t take even a second before defensively responding, “Well, it was already mostly broken.” 

Scoffing, Y/N looked to the sky, praying to anyone who’d listen to give her patience. “Mostly broken? It was off, JJ. Off and fixable. Now it’s dead. You just killed it.” 

JJ’s hand moved to the back of his neck, as he muttered something under his breath. He tilted his body away from Y/N which made her furious. Stepping to the side, she faced him head-on. 

“You just couldn’t leave it alone, huh? Why do you always have to–” 

“I was trying to help!” JJ argued and she couldn’t miss the unguarded, almost raw way he sounded, but she had to ignore it. Because no one else would tell him how bad this really was. “It wasn’t working before either, what’s the difference?”

“The difference, JJ,” Y/N said, her teeth grinding against each other. “Is that before we could have called a mechanic to fix it. Now, we need to buy a brand new generator. With money, that I don’t need to remind you, we don’t have! And we’ll be cut off from any profit we get from everything in here.”

They stared at each other, the flashlight beam caught awkwardly between them. JJ’s face was once again shrouded by darkness, but she could see the pout of his lips. 

“I’ll figure something out,” JJ’s voice was quieter now. “It’ll only cut into the early morning charters. We can keep track of profit the old school way– pen and paper.” 

“The early morning charters are half our business,” Y/N shook her head. “Just– stop making excuses, alright?”

JJ’s shoulders fell as he nodded, “Okay…” 

Y/N stared at JJ, not responding or furthering her chastising. JJ wouldn’t meet her eyes and she was glad. His usual bravado was missing as he tugged at what she presumed were loose threads on his shorts. If he had the gall to keep arguing right now, she would’ve lost it even more than she already did. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything more, so she just shook her head and left back towards the house.

“Y/N,” JJ called, his voice so quiet it was almost inaudible over the waves. Y/N just ignored it and continued on her path. She wanted to turn around, she wanted to tell him they’d figure it out. But she didn’t know that they would and she hated to lie. With that explanation to herself, she kept walking away from JJ, not knowing she was delivering the final blow to his heart.

taglist: @tpwkyarely @ayy1234567 @theater-bitch

[fangsandfeels]

I really don't like that the game tried to make the First Warden that unreasonable and aggressive meathead who doesn't even try to listen and blindly accuses. For a moment, the First Warden is a man who:

Is deeply involved in politics and making connections to ensure that the Order has enough resources and support.

Shows active and vivid interest in anything that might be of use to Grey Wardens.

Stayed away from Mage vs Templar war because the Order needs recruits and he would rather not limit its options by choosing one side and pushing another away forever. It's more than understandable given how fast people forget the horrors of the Blight and start looking for the ways to screw you over.

Allows a Grey Warden blood mage (who is complicit in deaths of many of his fellow Grey Wardens and guilty of experimenting on humans) to perform experiments in order to find the cure from Calling and regularly receives reports from him.

Made a horrible decision to corrupt the griffons with Taint for the sake of saving more refugees and minimizing deaths.

In other words, he doesn't sound like someone narrow-minded - and there is a value to gain or a threat to prevent, he responds. And since the First Warden is described to let his Warden-Commanders handle most of the Order stuff, the fact that he came to talk to Rook in person should mean that he'd want to do more than to threaten them. He would want to know what happened.

Yes, Rook's explanations are worded horribly, but still the man recognizes that the taint spread through that village extremely fast, which is not normal. So, whether he trusts Rook or not, he wouldn't want to lose them from his sight: if he suspects them of being connected to the new type of Taint, he wants to know what they're up to. Telling them to stay out of the Grey Warden business and trying to arrest them is counterproductive - especially when we know that the First Warden isn't a stranger to controversial allies or horrible decisions. It would have made more sense for him to appoint Davrin to work with Rook - and to secretly order him to kill Rook if his suspicions are confirmed and Rook actually works with those responsible for dangerous type of Taint.

Also, he isn't the one to crap on potential allies (Mortalitasi and Mourn Watch) or judge extreme decisions. He made plenty of those himself, like many Warden-Commanders in his charge.

Needless to say, Alruna didn't punch him. First of all, out of all my OCs, Alruna is the one who doesn't punch - why bruise your knuckles when you can telekinetically lift your opponent and slam them into the ground for a good measure?

Second, that's not how she handles stuff in general. If she wanted the First Warden out of the way, she'd have put him to sleep magically. But, she needed him. She ignored writers' shitty attempt of creating a punchable character simply because writers hate Grey Wardens now saw the tired, exhausted man and spoke to him. Not pleading, but reasoning. Honestly, it was a much more satisfying outcome than punching him, loss of approval be damned.

If only the game gave him the dignity of killing the Archdemon, instead of spitting on him for the final time.

[lovecanbesostrange]

A quick weekly Grey's rant:

Very good fall finale vibes, I already hate waiting for the conclusion to everything. But at the same time I'm not that worried... or worked up about it.

Sure, it does look like Lucas might be shot, but my money is on the robber actually. (It would be interesting if the shot was a through-'n'-through for Lucas and both got hit. While watching I expected Gladys to get it though, so it was already a surprise she lived. Such restraint, Grey's! Really loved that Lucas mentioned how his grandfather died and also that Amelia and Derek were both there. They can remember things! Look, even if Lucas is fine, Amelia just hearing this story -- somebody hold her. Which is also why I think her patient will pull through. She has to. Amelia Shepherd doesn't get much wins in her personal lives, but she is good at what she does and the show lets her have that. (Kinda wished when she talked to the mother she had shown her full optimistic confidence level, a la "there is only one neuro-surgeon better than me, and that was my brother, but he is dead", but I guess two mentions would have been too much). Speaking of remembering things though... I for one do remember two things about Jo Wilson. a) She owned a gun for a long, long time (which is weird, she owned that while with Paul, so hey at least she didn't kill him and clearly never wanted to fire it), so in a way I hoped a little bit she could grab that damn thing when it fell to the floor. Of course I understand that she hid away, especially because oops complications (is she pregnant with twins just so she can lose one for the drama? How diabolical). Anyway, the b) thing though, Jo helped a guy rob a convenience store once. This would have been a nice time that she could clarify she drove the (probably stolen) getaway car. Jo Wilson could have ended up in prison, she is so fucking lucky she didn't.

Yasuda... MIKA YASUDA!!! Leaving too soon. Oh, my heart broke for her. The trauma those hospital walls have seen. Remember when Cristina was allowed her absolute breakdown after the shooting? Yeah, took long enough for somebody else to say "I can't go back". I'm very sorry to see her go, but I find the reason very believable. Grief is such a bastard and they managed to make it worse with her story about being the one who named Chloe, how her favorite sister that meant so much to her died in this place... Also really liked Simone and Bailey talking to her, about what they feel (about their moms). I get why Jules was angry and lashed out, I think Bailey can take that in stride. She was right in what she said. And for Mika to trust herself on this. Could have thrown in that Bailey could offer at least a few calls, if Yasua returns to her family, they might be a hospital nearby or something. A few recommendations. And then Jules and Mika................. I will live with "help me feel normal" for a long, long time. ;_____;

Breaking News: Owen is an ass. I would want him as my trauma surgeon. Even would want him as a teacher or mentor. But damn stay away from this man on a personal level. Weirdly his relationship with Amelia was the one that made the most sense for a long time. Come on, we all expect him to cheat again, right? That little touch in the elevator sure was very unfortunate, but he runs right out to offer another woman a car ride (while everybody in the hospital is busy). The one thing I have to say though, we knew from the start that he is not suited for romantic relationships, when he ended things with his fiancée via super short e-mail and didn't even tell her that he had returned. His shittyness is consistent (it just gets worse when his anger issues flare up; which doesn't include his PTSD that led to choking Cristina, that was a separate issue I do not hold against him). But i guess Owen is vital for the Grey's ecosystem. Makes other people's mistakes look less shitty (I don't consider him evil, he doesn't even enjoy his bad decisions).

Don't know what to think of the Blue and Molly thing. I love the very, very dramatic story they have. Feel bad for her partner now.

[faith--in-the-future]

I’d love more of Louis on social media, like the Q&A and fan challenges ideas the previous anon mentioned. And I agree LTHQ is dropping the ball in lots of ways. But I also think Louis not doing social media in the same way, for example, that Niall does ultimately comes down to Louis just not wanting to do it. It seems to me (and I know I might be totally wrong!) like he’s measured the pros of how social media could advance his career against the cons of having to do something he doesn’t enjoy, and he’s decided his dislike of doing social media outweighs the benefits. Maybe LTHQ isn’t doing a good job of pitching it to him, but with his experience in the industry, it’s weird they should have to. And of course there’s still so much more they could do on social media without even needing his direct involvement.

But even if he’s decided not to put a lot of direct effort into expanding his fan base - and that’s obviously his call to make, and we might all make the same decision if we were him and knew all the considerations involved - I’m still surprised and disappointed he doesn’t do it just as a way to engage with current fans. 😔 I think he’s authentic when he talks about his relationship with his fans, and more social media would be such a great way to connect with us. Doesn’t have to be anything formal! And it’s especially a great way to give back to fans who can’t get to a show. I always appreciate your take on things - am I really off base? Thanks for your patience with newbie asks! 🙂

hi! sorry I'm answering late but I was busy earlier

when I talked about fun promo I was thinking more of things like YouTube interviews/late night shows with games etc (I have been campaigning for the celebrity bake off thing for YEARS) and fun photoshoots, things that keep fans engaged, that give us content and also insight in a different side of louis in a more relaxed environment.

I think its really important to make the fan experience actually fun in general but especially with louis bc there are so many things to get frustrated about that nobody can really change like the radio blacklisting or the close contact with sides of the fandom that hate each other so its crucial imo to offer fun distractions and in general to keep fans interested! this is a sort of hobby for people right? and nobody wants an hobby that's not enjoyable!

I do think louis doesn't like social media and honestly it's fine like it doesn't have to be the end all be all of everything, and a good a social media manager can work on it anyways (regular posting especially in promo season would help him get more followers/not lose them and it wouldn't be so hard).

but like, we already know radio is out, award shows and other events don't invite him/he doesn't go, he doesn't do festivals bc "they don't call him" (although I think it's more like he has a shitty booking agent), he doesn't do collaborations, and then if we cut out photoshoots and social media and YouTube stuff too what is left?? like genuinely we're just left with the usual rehearsed print interviews with the same questions and answers and then the classic promo interviews on TV that louis doesn't even like doing bc they make him anxious!! like how is that productive in any way! neither him or us are actually happy ! also it would be great for him to be seen by the gp in an actual happy light instead of the "hope after tragedy/difficulties " light!

look, this is totally speculation bc I don't know him, but I do think that louis is not comfortable with/scared of uncontrollable environment and of engaging with funny things, imo bc for years people have been either laughing at him and insulting him or analyzing his every gesture to spot "gayness" or whatever. nobody who has been subjected to that for years will remain unscathed, it's like putting a plant in a dark room without water and asking why is it not giving flowers.

but the problem with comfort zones is that they can very very easily become our own limits, we think they're keeping the world out but really they're just trapping us in. if u leave someone in the dark too long their eyes get adjusted to it and then they won't get out bc the light hurts them !

what I'm saying is that when I say louis needs a new manager/team it's bc I think he needs someone who won't just settle for the bare minimum necessary to keep louis happy, he needs someone with ideas and ambitions and the guts to push him a little out of his comfort zone and to encourage his growth! his team is way too lazy and unimaginative and they're just happy with what they have now , and for some reason don't seem to realize that things are always changing and u can't expect to keep something forever without taking proper care of it

it's sad bc louis works so hard on what he does but then it all gets washed away into nothingness and he ends up blaming himself all the time, I just want that cycle to be broken

somewhat related: I also think that his story/image/persona whatever you want to call it won't quite be complete/make sense/be truly compelling until he actually gives us the bigger picture, like he always talks about the difficulties he's faced but what are they exactly? who's the enemy? (a good story needs a good enemy just as much as it needs a good hero!) ,he was insecure and lost after the band but why? what made him feel that way? he's always telling up about the "after" and the consequences but we never quite understand the before

us fans know the answer to these questions or at least we've tried to come up with them but to people who don't have access to all that background knowledge and who are just checking him out it's not so clear, and a story like that can truly be efficient if it stops being superficial imo

so I'm curious to see how that has been explored in the documentary and I really hope that it won't be the same few things we already know but actually the real underbelly of the story (within the legal confines that I'm sure he has to respect rip)

[sodiumlamp]

Picard

Oh, fuck they're gonna have Section 31 in this show on top of everything else, aren't they?

All right, let's recap the plot of this one. Picard and Riker rescue Dr. Crusher, and her son, Jack Crusher. But before the Titan can return to Federation space, they're cornered by the Shrike, a powerful, unknown ship run by a bounty hunter. Shrike's commander demands that Jack Crusher, and gives Titan one hour to decide. Captain Shaw wants to do it, but Picard finally pulls rank and flees into the nebula they just got done escaping.

That whole business takes like 30 minutes of screentime. It's mostly characters bickering and Captain Shaw trying to preserve his pride after Picard, Riker, and Seven made him look like a dope. I guess the idea here is that Picard could have acted more decisively from the start, but he needed to hear from Beverly that he's Jack's father, which suddenly galvanizes him into action.

It's dumb as fuck, because Picard already cared about Beverly, so he should have just pulled rank in the first place to rescue her, before he even knew Jack existed.

This whole episode treats the chain of command like a joke. Shaw's the captain of the Titan, and he feels secure enough in his authority to tell Picard and Riker "no"... until the plot calls for it and then he has to back down. Seven defies Shaw's orders and barely tries to hide it, but it takes him forever and a day to relieve her of duty. Not that it matters, because she keeps giving orders anyway and finds Jack before he can teleport himself over to the Shrike to save his mom.

It's the same contradiction we had with the Romulans in Season 1, where they were simultaneously presented as a displaced, weakened people, and a fearsome galactic power. Captain Shaw is simultaneously too strong and too weak. He's strong enough to maintain command in spite of his shitty attitude, but he's weak enough that he's powerless to stop Seven and Picard from undermining his authority. It just depends on which one the plot calls for in a given moment.

In the end, the viewer loses all interest in Shaw as a character. He's neither an antagonist to obstruct the heroes' mission, nor is he an ally with a contrarian perspective. He's just there to slow down the story. He's mud in the road for Star Trek: Picard to spin its tires in.

The rest of the episode sees Raffi convince herself that she knows better than Starfleet Security when it comes to solving the mystery behind a recent terrorist attack on a Starfleet Recruitment building. Her anonymous handler tells her not to pursue the investigation, but she does it anyway, even asking her estranged husband to help her get in touch with a gangster who can give her a lead. He's upset that she's more interested in the gangster than trying to reconnect with their son, so he offers her a choice, and she goes for the gangster with both hands.

What's really sad about all this is that Raffi is really, really bad at her job. Like, she's clearly talented. She knows computer stuff and she's really good at swiping right on all those holographic screens. She can hold her own in a fight, and she bedded Seven of Nine, which is pretty impressive. The problem is that she keeps risking everything on some flimsy chance of a lead, and then her only plan is to bluff until everything sort of works out.

Raffi's ex-husband and son got fed up with her bullshit a long time ago, because she absolutely can not and will not walk away from the paranoid intelligence agent game. The game she constantly loses because she's terrible at it. I mean, if she were frighteningly effective at her job, then it would be kind of a neat conflict. She loves her work too much to give it up, or maybe she sees herself as the indispensable woman keeping the galaxy safe. But she's not. She hates her job because everyone tells her what to do, and she's really bad at it, partly because she won't let anyone tell her what to do.

She survives this episode because her handler shows up to rescue her, and it turns out to be Worf. So I guess this brings Raffi closer to the main plot, but I can tell it's gonna be a while before they get everyone in the same room.

[rodeoimp]

--- he had meant what was good on the menu. but he's sure as shit not gonna tell him that; not when blitzø is soaking up every word like it's a goddamn soap opera on tv.

but he doesn't act that interested -- well, he doesn't act uninterested -- he toes a fine line between acting as though his very being and sanity is hanging on fizz's every word, but he doesn't want to seem like a total asshole or like he isn't listening.

his eyes stay fixed on the tablecloth, and his clawed fingers aimlessly fidget; he rights the napkin and plate, then drums his fingers against the table.

the comment about having nightmares of striker makes the imp's tail lash behind him briefly and swiftly; the way a cat would, if annoyed or provoked. the image of striker grabbing fizz through the bars plays in blitzø's head like a looping record.

he wants to kill that son of a bitch, so badly. for fizz and for stolas both. and for his own sake.

blitzø really, really hates being betrayed.

he wipes the anger off his being as quick as it shows, going back to listening intently (but trying so hard to play it cool nonetheless) as fizz keeps talking.

ugh. mammon. he hates that motherfucker.

to be fair, he hates all royals equally (for...the most part). but mammon exploiting fizz has always pissed him off. he doesn't know how bad it is; he's never exactly been able to see behind the scenes, but... mammon is the king of greed. he figures it can't be great.

doesn't have time for anger to flicker over his being again before his original question is answered anyways; burgers, huh? somehow, that checks out. fizz seems like a burgers guy.

what about him? what's he been doing?

"ooh, haha . . ."

dear god. what a hard question to answer.

i've been great! aside from being miserable everyday -- you get nightmares too, huh? me too! but mine are filled with fire, smoke, my mother's burning face, the crushing guilt of fucking a royal and knowing he's falling in love with shitty, broken ass me; leaving you behind and not knowing if you survived, couple broken promises and regrettable decisions -- make it a lot of broken promises and regrettable decisions . . . glad the decade-and-some-change have treated you well! i've been basically fucking dying!

buuuut he can't say that. so he just forces a bit of an anxious, awkward grin. "i have been . . . so great!" was that too forced? that sounded kinda forced. "really, it's been fine. got a good business going, guess i'm startin' to make a bit of a name for myself, which is cool. keeps clients at a steadier stream; i'm actually able to pay my employees more times than not, now!"

that last part is . . . kind of a joke. mostly.

"uh, i got a daughter. can you believe it, fizz? i'm a daddy -- but, like, literal. she's great, real kick-ass; her name's loona, she's a hellhound, and my receptionist."

and then he goes quiet. it's really hard to talk about yourself when you hate . . . everything about yourself. he's already deflected once to his employees and once to his daughter -- and starting i.m.p. and adopting loona are his only two accomplishments that he deems good. that he feels he can be somewhat proud of.

he's got nothing else.

so he just offers another smile -- it's a bit smaller, a bit more strained. he was afraid of this. he was afraid he was bound to start spiraling upon spending some alone time with fizz -- because the jester is just as stunning as he remembered in vivid detail. he's really come into himself, he's . . . flourished these past fifteen years. the only scars the jester bears are physical.

blitzø's are mental. and they're not scars, they're open fucking wounds. any little reminder aggravates them, makes him bleed all over again.

his hands are shaking. so he slips them underneath the table, on his lap.

"burgers, huh?" he says, quickly changing the topic before he loses his shit. "i can't remember the last time i had a burger that wasn't, like, really shitty. but shitty in the good way -- shitty in the closing-my-arteries type of way, but you still eat the whole thing. alright, you've sold me. we're both gettin' burgers."

and maybe either a couple shots or at the very least some fucking wine. he needs to chill.

--- well, this was fucking terrifying.

blitzø's boot taps against the floor of his van as his leg bounces wildly, and he stares forward at the little restaurant they'd chosen as a location to . . . "catch-up".

catch-up felt like the world's lightest word. they were dancing around the elephant in the room -- they'd already talked about it, sure; they'd kind of made-up for it . . . but the guilt boils in blitzø's chest like hot oil. he feels like he could burst into flames at any minute.

his hands grip the steering wheel, gently patting it to the beat of whatever old rock song was playing. he's trying to hype himself up. he thinks he saw fizz walk in, like, five minutes ago -- he needs to go. he shouldn't keep him waiting (again).

"fuuuuck . . ." the imp mutters, running a hand down his face. "okay, blitzø. you got this. you're good, you're fuckin' . . . cool as shit. you can do this. don't be an asshole."

the little pep talk doesn't seem to help much as he opens the door and hops out of the van on extremely shaky feet.

inhale. exhale.

okay.

he's headed into the restaurant, shouldering open the door and immediately spotting the colorful jester at a table. if they lock eyes, he's giving a little wave and nod of his head as he makes his way over. he's trying his best to seem so nonchalant, as if he's not dying internally this very moment.

"hey." he says as he sits down in front of him. he immediately fights the urge to fidget and squirm from the uncomfortable heat of guilt and anxiety. "you come here often?"

he truly, truly doesn't mean for it to come out like that. he backtracks quickly. "the restaurant, i mean -- you suggested it. what's good?"

he's a fucking wreck.

like, more than usual.

- - -

closed plotted starter // @peppy-jester

[frogtanii]

your palms were sweaty as you adjusted your slacks, making sure the pleats were where they should be with not a wrinkle in sight. you wanted to look professional and put together, at least on the outside, because you knew you were actually about .2 seconds away from falling apart.

your palms were sweaty as you adjusted your slacks, making sure the pleats were where they should be with not a wrinkle in sight. you wanted to look professional and put together, at least on the outside, because you knew you were actually about .2 seconds away from falling apart.

a quick glance to the boys at your sides notified you that they weren’t faring much better. atsumu kept fidgeting with his cufflinks, sakusa was so stiff you could knock him over with your pinky, kenma looked like he was about to pass out, bokuto was debating on squeezing under the table in front of you, kuroo was tapping a pattern on his pants (akeelah and the bee style), and akaashi kept reciting ominous poems under his breath.

the only people in the room who looked even remotely fine were osamu, oikawa, sugawara, daichi, and, surprisingly, yachi. osamu was munching on some peanuts that he pulled from... somewhere, while oikawa and sugawara were holding their own conversation by the window. daichi seemed to be minding his own business but you could never really get a proper read on him anyway.

well, you supposed yachi was okay because she knew what to expect. i mean, you were meeting her boss.

after you and kenma had posted your “exposing the hype(r) house” youtube video, an email had come to the both of you, inviting you to visit the “big boss” along with the rest of the crew.

you weren’t necessarily afraid of losing your job; the hype(r) house was already being dissolved and you were (finally!!!) getting to move in with makki and mattsun until you found your own place. you were genuinely excited to put the drama and literal hell behind you and begin to live your life again but...

that didn’t mean meeting the Man™ wasn’t terrifying. it was like being called into the principal’s office, complete with the existential dread and occasional bouts of gassiness.

the door opening made you flinch as you quickly moved out of the way to let the newcomers enter. while they walked past you, you couldn’t contain the shock that overtook your face, your jaw practically on the floor.

the man was massive.

built like a brick wall, the man who you assumed to be the “big boss,” had a chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, and massive fucking pecs, his white button up barely closing around them.

beside him stood a tall, lanky man who was dressed suspiciously un-office-like with a red buzz cut and wild eyes that seemed to cut into you as he took his place at the table.

the final man seemed a bit awkward in comparison to the other two, but he was trying to seem unaffected, his purple bowlcut, despite being rather juvenile, fitting perfectly with his slim but toned build and bright complexion.

yachi hurried to greet them, giving all three a blinding smile before motioning for everyone else to take a seat. you ended up between the redhead and atsumu, the former being way too entertained by just your general being. his eyes rarely, if ever, left your face sending shivers down your spine. the remaining members all hesitantly took their seats and “big boss” began.

“it is an honor to meet you all. i am ushijima wakatoshi but you can call me ushijima or wakatoshi or ushiwaka or toshijima or just ushi or just jima or just waka or just toshi.” for a moment you thought he was joking but his face never moved, not even with the awkward silence that followed. redhead seemed rather amused by the whole display and bowl cut looked like he was on the verge of spontaneously combusting.

it took an uncomfortably long moment for ushijima to proceed but he did as though nothing had happened. “these are my associates, satori—” redhead gave you a mischievous grin “—and tsutomu.”

“goshiki,” bowl cut interrupted, his voice wavering but his eyes gleaming with righteous indignation as though he was challenging wakatoshi to say something in defiance. instead, ushijima just gave him a nod and he visibly deflated back into his seat.

“goshiki is the social media manager for imla and satori is... satori,” big boss continued, not a hint of emotion on his face. the rest of the table perked up at his comment but atsumu was the only one who apparently had the balls to say anything.

“so yer the one who wrote that shitty among us tweet?” goshiki flushed horribly and sunk further into his plush leather chair, his body language showing he must’ve already gotten an earful about it. “thought it was a good idea,” he muttered while averting his eyes, completely ignoring satori’s cackle from across the wood.

ushijima put up a (massive???) hand to calm the both of them and it instantly worked. satori quieted down though he never lost the mirth in his expression and goshiki straightened up, a new wave of determination crossing his features.

you sat up as well, feeling the shift of energy in the room but you were startled to realize the boss had decided to focus his energy on you, his deep baritone voice calling your full name. “i am extremely sorry. we have failed you as a management team and as men. i have failed you.”

he sounded remarkably remorseful, his brown irises conveying heavy emotion and guilt. you had no idea what to say but he wasn’t done.

“although i do not have full control of the decisions that have been made here, i should have fought harder for what i believed was right and for that, i will forever be sorry.” you shifted uncomfortably under his weighty gaze, not that he noticed because his attention was swiftly taken by kenma at the opposite end of the room.

“who is in charge then? aren’t you like the ceo or whatever?” he asked. ushijima took a moment before nodding very slowly, his attention clearly on something in his head.

thankfully, satori rapidly took over the thread of conversation before the room could fall in tense silence yet again. “there’s a board of old, stuffy guys who basically kicked miracle boy wakatoshi to the curb and make all their decisions without him.”

...miracle boy? what did he have to do to earn that kind of nickname? you shook your head and tuned back in, just as the ceo spoke up once again.

“because i have not succeeded in doing my job properly, i have something to give to you,” ushijima deadpanned, sliding a thick envelope towards you. you carefully grabbed it and opened it up to reveal a thick, thick, wad of cash.

a gasp caught in your throat, words not coming to you as you thumbed through the money. there had to be at least $60k in there, your eyes filling with tears while you took in his generosity. “thank you,” you whispered, not trusting your voice to speak any louder.

wakatoshi nodded at you before addressing the rest of the table about something but you weren’t even listening.

you were so overwhelmed. for the longest time, you’d hated whoever management was for ignoring your pleas for help and trying to placate you with nice dresses and fancy dinners so meeting ushijima was quite the welcomed surprise.

despite everything that occurred, you could tell he felt horrible for letting things slide even though it was technically out of his hands and you couldn’t even articulate how much that meant to you.

the fact that he had gone out of his way to pay you extra, assumingly without the permission of the board, was heartwarming, confusing, shocking, and staggering all at once.

i mean, you could probably describe the past few months as exactly that. so much had happened, so much had changed, and while you could do without some of the life adjustments (the nightmares, spare trauma, and fear of public bathrooms to start), you felt blessed with new friends and the experiences that helped shape you to the person you were now.

the boys didn’t hate you anymore (well, not all of them at least and none were actively antagonizing you), you were seeing dr yamada again, you were getting to move in with your two best friends, you were just given enough money to expand your channel drastically, and you were finally feeling good. better than good.

meiko was behind you and though you missed the person she once was, you were so glad she was out of your life in a way where she couldn’t harm you or the boys any longer.

a grin spread across your face, your cheeks nearly burning from the intensity of it. things were definitely looking up.

a soft call of your name jolted you from your thoughts, your eyes landing on all the boys already standing as they got ready to leave the room. you could sense their worry and you shot them a genuine, reassuring smile before standing yourself.

you waved goodbye to the three men at the table, thanking ushijima profusely for his kindness but he shook you off, insisting that he had just been doing what he should’ve done a long time ago.

what a nice guy.

as you followed the boys out of the building, you took a moment to observe them together with fondness written all over your expression. they were laughing and joking around, the happiest and most carefree you had ever seen any of them. bokuto was begging yachi to get them ice cream, the rest of them piling on until she gave in with a playful roll of her eyes, giggling at the cheer that went up from the group.

atsumu seemed to notice you lagging behind, falling back to join you. “ya okay angel?” he asked, eyes focused on your feet as he slowed down to match your pace.

you didn’t answer for a while, instead focusing on the sun warming your cheeks, the cool breeze messing up your hair, and the sounds of pure joy swirling above you.

“i’m absolutely perfect.” you replied and you actually meant it. “race you to the van?” you sent him an impish grin before taking off, his yells of indignation making you laugh freely as the rest of the boys joined in, right on your heels.

this is it, you thought. no matter what, i’ll have this moment and i’ll be okay.

you’d been through hell and back and you’d survived. you’d been cursed at, choked out, hospitalized, and been beaten at mario kart more times than you could count and you had still made it through. you were resilient and strong and you’d never given up, despite how badly you’d wanted to, multiple times over.

things weren’t perfect, they rarely are, but you knew that if you could make it through all that, you could get through practically anything, especially with the boys by your side.

yeah. i’ll be just fine.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

bonus!!

“told you it sounded stupid as hell.”

“gah, stop talking about it!!”

“you sounded sooooo old ‘shiki, what are you, 92?”

“AAAAAAAAAA!!!”

“satori...”

“what’s up miracle boy?”

“...what is ‘sus’?”

℗ poker face

i’ll be just fine

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - AND THATS A WRAP FOLKS 🥳 wowowow did the ending give me trouble but that’s ok SISJSK the endings will be coming shortly but they might not be daily just cs they may take more time, who knows lmfao i’ll let y’all know :3 AAAA ANYWAYS ILY I HOPE U GUYS LIKED KITH KITH don’t forget to feed me <3

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[clairecrive]

hi i know your requests are closed but could you do headcanons about how it would be to work through almost getting a divorce with nikolai lantsov after kind of falling out of love then deciding not to and working on getting their relationship back to how it was before because that unbreakable love for each other is still there and its noticeable. ive always wanted to read abt this and im asking this request from a number of writers cos i find it so cool to read everyone write their take on it.

cant wait to see what you come up with! thank you<3

A/n: taking a lil break from studying to write this. btw, hc take me less time to write so if you have more you can always send them in and I'll do my best to answer.

(tags are at the end)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

okay so, the idea of letting Nikolai go is absurd to me. However, I can see how there could be some strains in a relationship with him.

if we remain in a canon situation, I'd say that the biggest thing that could come between you two up to the point of almost divorce is his ambition and dedication to Ravka

Nikolai is a strategist and the thing he wants more is seeing Ravka free and thriving and he'd do anything to make that a reality

so, he'd be plenty busy

busy to the point that you'd go months without seeing him

whether he's in Ravka working on his projects with David and Nadia or he's in another country on a diplomatic visit

of course, he has invented flying ships and all but those kinds of journeys still are long and tiring

however, since you are in the picture, I'd like to believe that Nikolai would try to find a balance between his country and his love

if not simply for the fact that he loves you and he loves being with you

if he's married you, there's a reason. right?

so, I feel like whenever he's back from a long trip away he'd take some time to spend it with you. First days in between the sheets and then doing some of your favourite things together.

just to spend some quality time with you

that's until he slips away more and more to take care of something

at first, it's a couple of hours before dinner

then he misses dinner entirely but spends the afternoon together

then only mornings together

until it comes the time you wake up and his side of the bed is cold

of course, you were aware of the life he led

his ambition and dedication were two of the things you loved most about him

but you missed him

he was gone so much that it didn't feel like a relationship anymore

it seemed like a free trial for widowhood

you had confronted him about this

many times

but he was still the King of Ravka and he had responsibilities he couldn't forfeit

and despite his best intentions, it seemed that they didn't match with his marriage

and you understood that. his role and the many things he had to take care of. really.

but you were tired of being alone a feeling unimportant

so, one day you decided to wait for him. Nikolai was the first to wake up and the last to fall asleep.

but that night, you waited for him. sat in your bed, hoping he'd come too late

when he did step into your room, he was surprised to see you awake. at first, he was delighted. he missed you too and the idea of being able to spend some time with you brought him endless joy

however, he soon noticed the expression on your face, your arms crossed on your chest and he understood that whatever reason had made you wait for him, wasn't anything good.

as much as it broke your heart to say the words, you told him what you had been thinking about for months now.

"this marriage is not working out for me anymore."

Nikolai's heart broke. truly shattered at your words.

he knew he'd be walking on a fine line and it was only a matter of time before you'd snapped again

but he never thought it'd come to this

divorce

what a wretched word

Nikolai hated it. he hated the fact that he had been such a shitty husband that you now wanted to have nothing to do with him

he tried to change your mind, promised that he'd do better, that he loved you and you were his whole heart even though he'd done a shitty job to show you.

but you knew that despite his words were genuine, his promises were empty.

and you were simply done. you couldn't take any more of this.

when he understood that he had pushed you too far, Nikolai relented. He accepted your decision and told you that he'd take care of it.

in the meantime, you went away.

there was no reason for you to stay. you were alone anyway so staying just to sleep in the same bed as he felt ridiculous

the time apart was agonizing for both of you. unironically, knowing that he was just a few feet away made it easier for you to bear the loneliness. And Nikolai?

Well, he had forgotten how to function. The absence of your presence affected him more than he would have thought. To the point where he could only think of you and how he couldn't lose you. The divorce wasn't official yet and he was already miserable.

So he took some time off and he joined you.

Again, he asked for forgiveness. pleaded for you to give him a second chance and if not, to at least allowed him to spend the days before signing the papers together.

and you agreed. you agreed because you had missed him so much. because you still loved him.

those remaining days were spent in utter denial. neither of you acknowledged the truth of your situation but unspokenly decided to make the most of it.

and saints, it did nothing but remember why you had fallen in love with each other and decided to spend the rest of your lives together in the first place.

when the time was almost up, neither of you wanted for it to end.

but the problem remained: you couldn't go back to the same routine

but letting Nikolai go wasn't possible neither

so you talked to him. explained your reasons and your motives and that above all you loved him

he felt so much relief in knowing that there was still a tiny chance of making this right

he renewed his promises of being a better husband, of changing his work schedule so that he could be more present.

he had even handed you a sheet where he had drafted his new schedule and well, it was completely different

of course, you knew that there would be times where he'd be inevitably busier but as long as he made an effort, you'd be fine with it

and so you agreed, you gave him a second chance and you were proud to say that Nikolai was living up to his words

and you were happier than ever

tags:

@jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofshield, @for-bebbanburg, @randomoutsiders, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @hazelrose14, @crowssixof, @odetostep, @lizzie-he4rts (taglist form)

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Omg I love all your drabbles they are so amazing and brilliant I can’t believe you do that for free! What a blessing you are!! I was wondering whether there would be a part four to the vacation au and if not could you do maybe more jealous Cassian but in your lawyer au I’m obsessed but honestly anything you write has me happy!

This is so sweet I am so glad you’re loving the drabbles! I did a second part to the vacation AU a couple days ago so I’m going to go with Jealous Cassian in the lawyer AU. I already *kind* of did this but I’ve been doing jealousy light lately and this time we are cranking it up to 100. This one is kinda long and pretty angsty and I think I definitely need to smoosh all these lawyer drabbles into a mini story that follows Nessian from meeting while studying for the bar exam and then through snippets of their careers so maybe that’s what I’ll do next.

Actually facing Nesta in court was an extreme rarity. All of her non pro Bono work was strictly solicitor. Drafting contracts and negotiating deals in different chic board rooms with little glass bottles of Perrier and complimentary latte carts trolling the halls.

Nesta thought that she didn’t want to litigate. She thought that people didn’t like her and because of that she was a bad advocate. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Watching Nesta fight for something that she believed in, truly believed in, was the closest thing to a religious experience Cassian had ever known.

“And I would urge you to consider in your decision, your honour, the fact that even if it should apply in this case, the very law my learned friend is attempting to uphold is currently under review by the Supreme Court and may soon be overturned on the basis of being unconstitutional as well as unconscionable.” Nesta took a pregnant pause.

“If that happens. If this law is overturned, as you well know, it will not be retroactively helpful to my client. My client who was born here. My client who grew up in Queens. My client who can draw you a map of which bodegas has the best coffee vs the best sandwiches and their proximity to the nearest train, and if that doesn’t qualify her as an American, and a New Yorker, then I don’t know what does.” The judge smiled a little at that. It was a calculated risk, the emotional appeal. But Judge Miluski was already on Nesta’s side and she was a born and bread New Yorker and she had the rare distinction of being a member of the judiciary with a sense of humour. “If this law is overturned, which we both know is highly likely, then my client will be sent to another country, a country she has never even been to, not because she did anything wrong, but because this trial happened a few weeks too-”

Nesta trailed off, eyes caught at the quietly opening gallery door. A man stepped in. Tall and thin and… greasy. Hair slicked back with so much product Cassian didn’t think he’d feel it if he hit him on the head with a hammer. Which he desperately wanted to do. That brutish, violent, raised in foster homes in Harlem side of him that even a legal education and a closet full of Armani suits could never quite polish out of him lit on fire at the sight of this creep. This asshole who was wearing fucking asics with his $4000 suit. And no tie. Top three buttons of a pinstripe white shirt unbuttoned. What a fucking rube.

Except that this guy. THIS fucking guy, made Nesta lose her train of thought. This guy who walked into court late and had yet to drag his eyes up from Nesta’s ass, had distracted her. Caused her to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and smile a little. This shy, light, cutesy little smile that absolutely did not belong on Nesta Archeron’s face.

When Nesta smiled it was a sly, knowing, victorious thing that curled across her lips and set Cassian’s heart hammering in his chest.

This… this was insanity.

The man smirked, deep and arrogant, as he stood at the back of the courtroom, hands slid into his pockets. Not even respectful enough of the proceedings to sit down.

Nesta gathered herself quickly. The whole mess over in under 20 seconds, but Cassian noticed it. Even as Nesta went on and cited the law and the competing jurisprudence and the ethics and the constitution, he couldn’t focus. All he could think about was that little smile.

Cassian said his final piece, the judge ruled, as they both knew she would, in Nesta’s favor, and it was all over.

Nesta didn’t even gloat like she usually would have. She just stuck her hand out, the absolute picture of professionalism, and shook his.

“Good working with you, Counseler.” She said, as if he hadn’t pulled her around the side of a building and pushed her body up against a brick wall the other day, moulding her into him as they fought over this case. Discussed their future. Their passions.

She’d rejected his invitation to dinner, but she always did. It was a part of the game. A game that Cassian was determined to win.

“Who’s the tech bro?” The sneakers with the suit and the unbuttoned shirt and the general shitty attitude all pointed to that being the only reasonable profession.

“Babe,” the slimy man in question pushed past the swinging waist high half door that separated the gallery and the space where counsel’s desks sat. “Let’s go.” He wrapped and arm too tightly around Nesta’s waist and pulled on her a little.

Cassian curled his fists into his palms so hard his nails bit imprints into the skin of his palms. Babe? Telling her when to leave? The pulling? No.

“I’m Cassian.” He held out his hand. “ADA. What firm do you work for? Haven’t seen you around.”

“Tomas.” The man scoffed, “And I’m not a lawyer. Not interested in all that gibberish you’re type is always spewing. Sounds like pure nonsense to me. I’m a tech investor.”

Yeah. That sounded about right. No actual skills. Not an engineer or developer or even a business manager. Just an idiot with a trust fund throwing money at whatever looked cool.

“Well, Tomas. Do you know why they call that big exam full of all that gibberish you hate the bar exam?” The weasel just raised his eyebrows. “It’s because once you pass it, then you are an attorney. And allowed to cross past this BAR.” Cassian pushed Tomas back out the little half door again. “Which separates the civilians in the gallery from the lawyers making their cases. So maybe learn how to show a little respect.” Cassian scoffed, flicking his eyes to Nesta, “In a few different areas of your life.”

“What the fuck, bro?” Tomas rolled his eyes. “This is why I fucking hate going to your lawyer parties and shit. Jackasses like this.”

“Tomas, please.” Nesta placed a hand on his chest, Cassian tensed, and that seemed to calm Tomas down. Not Nesta’s touch, but another man’s jealousy.

“Why don’t you bring the car around. I have to work out a court date for another matter with Cassian but I’ll be right out.”

“Yeah, ok.” Tomas glared, keeping eye contact with Cassian as he kissed Nesta’s cheek, hand travelling too far down her back. “Hurry though.”

“Of course.” Nesta smiled that same tiny little smile that made her look like a doll on a shelf and Cassian wanted to scream.

“What the fuck are you doing with a piece of shit like that?” Cassian minced no words as he turned to face Nesta.

“Excuse me?”

“Pretty straight forward question, Nes.”

“You… you don’t know him. He’s not like that once you get to know him.”

“Sure he’s not,” Cassian scoffed.

“What is your problem?”

“My problem is that your boyfriend, who I’ve never heard of or seen before today despite knowing you for years, had a chance to see you in court. Had a chance to watch you all fired up and passionate and brilliant and instead he walked in late, stared at your ass instead of listening to what you were saying, and then shoved his way up here and pulled at you to leave like you were some kind of toy he didn’t mind tearing the arm off of.”

Nesta blinked. Huffed out a breath. “We’ve been on again off again for a while. That’s why you haven’t seen him before. And he just doesn’t like lawyer stuff that’s why he’s like that in here ok? Not that it’s any of your business.”

“So you’re dating someone who not only doesn’t recognize how brilliant you are but won’t even let you talk about your job?” That was wrong. That was so wrong. That was… why Nesta was so intense with him. Why she debated and fought and talked for hours. Because she couldnt do it at home.

“Why do you even care, Cassian? Let’s just set a date and-”

“Fuck you, Nesta.” Her jaw fell open. “Fuck you for even asking me that. You know why I care. You can’t play dumb with me like I assume you do with him.”

“You don’t know anything about my relationship!” Nesta defended a little too vehemently.

“I know you can’t yell at him about his take on immigration laws,” Cassian stepped closer to her. “I know you can’t get a little tipsy off your favorite Malbec and go on a rambling tirade about the corrupt judiciary and your twenty three- or twenty five depending on the night- reasons why voting for judges completely undermines the integrity of the legal system.”

The was almost no space between them as Cassian looked down, gently set his hand under Nesta’s chin and raised her gaze to meet his. Burning with anger and passion and barely concealed desire. “I know that he didn’t understand why you were crying when RBG died. Because he doesn’t care about how appointing Supreme Court judges works or what that meant for the future of the court. And because I know that you weren’t with him that night. You were with me. Just like election night in 2016. And the Kavanaugh trials. And when the travel ban came into effect. You found me. Because I get it, and I care about your thoughts on all of those things. I’m devastated by them too. You were with me, Nes. And don’t you dare pretend that doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does,” Nesta let her cheek sink into his palm. “It means everything Cassian, but…”

“But we fight,” he smiled. “We bicker and yell and cross ideologies and disagree on all the little things. But not the big things, Nes. Never on the big things. We disagree on how to change the world, not what we want to change in it. Isn’t that what matters?”

Nesta swallowed. “I can’t risk losing you.” She said quietly. “I need you. For all of those reasons, I need you to be in my life and if we… I hurt the people I love, Cassian. So if I let myself love you, I would only hurt you. And I can’t bear the thought of hurting you.”

“So you date him.” Realization was an arrow sailing into Cassian’s chest. “Because you won’t hurt him. Because you could never actually love him.”

Nesta swallowed. “See? See how awful I am?”

Cassian moved his hand to her back, pulled her into his chest. “Go,” he whispered. “Go do whatever you need to do. I’ll be here. And I’ll be waiting for you to realize that I’m not going anywhere. That I can take it. Whatever you want to throw at me, I can take it, Nes.”

[so-writing]

Sugar, Honey, Ice and Tea - Matthew Tkachuk (21)

all parts here

_

“Don’t tempt me,” Matthew chuckled and headed down the hall toward his bedroom, “you’re definitely not ready for that yet,” he called behind him. 

He was gone for a few minutes, leaving you standing alone in his living room and feeling weird about it. You didn’t really lie about your intentions, because you did want him, but you were still hung up on letting other people know about it. 

“Here,” he tossed a ball of clothing at you, “to wear back to your place.”

You unraveled the clump of clothing and took note of the Flames tee shirt with his name on the back and the pair of sweatpants with his number printed down the side.

“Wow, no one’s going to know where I came from with these clothes, thank you for the disguise.” 

“I want them to know. I want everyone to know that you’re wearing my name and number and I want to take you out, for real this time. No bullshit, no me showing up drunk and acting like an asshole. I want to take you out on real date.”

You wanted it, you wanted that real date so badly but you still weren’t ready to share your situation with the world. 

“Matt, I…” your response died in your mouth and you felt incredibly stupid wearing clothing with him literally written all over it.

“It can be just us and it will be here. I’ll do everything, all you have to do is show up.”

*

He was practically begging at that point but it was worth it, she was worth it. 

“Just show up? That’s it?”

Matt watched her closely, hoping she’d agree, but there was no describing how he felt when he saw her wearing his clothes, with his name and his number sewed into the fabric.

Holy fuck. He had been waiting for this. He had been waiting for someone to come into his life that was everything he wanted and more. He had been waiting for someone to become a constant, someone that was more than just a night of fun, someone that actually meant something.

He had no idea she would come in the form of someone who initially hated him and still probably might just a little bit, but he wasn’t bothered by that. Matthew knew what he wanted, and as much as his past self might have argued, he had always known. Soulmates were probably bullshit but if they weren’t, he was pretty sure who his was. 

“That’s it, I promise.”

“Fine.” 

“You want me to walk you back to yours?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure your name on my back will give everyone a pretty good indication of who I’m with.”

“You’re with me?”

Her cheeks lit up red but she rolled her eyes and gently slapped him on the shoulder, “your name is on my back. I’m also pretty sure I can make the hike to the elevator by myself, good morning, Matthew Tkachuk.”

He never planned on falling in love, but he knew she was special and it just kind of happened.

*

You didn’t immediately strip out of the clothing Matt had given you and that was the first indication that you needed to fucking cool it. You pulled the sleeve of the shirt to your nose and inhaled the smell of his fabric softener. 

“Ugh,” you looked down at Onyx rubbing against your legs, “he uses the expensive shit.”

It had been an interesting morning but you needed to get to work and get your shit together.

++

You were running late to work and to make matters worse, you had a meeting with the coaches that you were incredibly close to missing. Nearly sprinting into the conference room at the last minute, you took your seat and a calming breath. The meeting was mostly a blur until you were addressed directly. 

“You’re being presented with a new opportunity.”

*

Matt had yet to see her that day but he’d been hearing that she was supposed to have a meeting so he hung around the general area of the conference rooms, hoping to catch her after it was over. She arrived in a rush and gave him a quick wave before heading inside. He wasn’t invited into the conference room but he was able to look through the window and he saw the look of surprise on her face and he knew what was happening.

She was being presented with a new job, and it wasn’t with the Flames.

Just when they were starting to finally fucking figure it out, she was going to be ripped away from him. He couldn’t let that happen, he couldn’t lose her. If she was going to leave, he was going to follow her. 

*

The pay was only slightly better than your current salary but taking a job with the Philadelphia Flyers would bring you closer to home and that was definitely something to think about. Taking a job with the Flyers was mostly full of pros but there was only a single con that mattered— Matthew Tkachuk.

He was waiting outside the conference room, dressed in full uniform, and he looked about as stressed as you felt.

“What the fuck are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be on the ice?” 

“Yeah, but I heard you had a meeting and I had to know what was up.”

“Matt, you’re literally on skates and in pads, go to practice.” 

“What happened in your meeting?”

“Go to practice,” you pushed past him and headed toward your office but he wasn’t giving up. 

“You’re leaving aren’t you?”

That stopped you dead in your tracks but you couldn’t turn around and face his question. 

“I haven’t decided yet.” 

*

“I haven’t decided yet.”

It wasn’t his place to say anything and it definitely wasn’t his business but that didn’t stop him from grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around to face him.

“Don’t leave. Please?”

“Matt, I don’t know, I haven’t made any decisions.”

He wasn’t interested in her response and ignored it entirely, instead pulling her into his chest and pressing his lips against hers. They moved in sync for only a moment until she was pushing him away. 

“You can’t just do that! I could lose my job! Fucking go to practice, Matt!”

++

She was well aware of their date. He had made sure of it. 

She was also fourteen minutes late and he was starting to get worried that she wouldn’t show. Maybe he had fucked up too many times for her to let it go, maybe she had taken the job with the Flyers and she was already gone. 

Matt paced back and forth in his living room, freaking the fuck out, until a soft knock at his door interrupted his negative thoughts.

“Hi, Matt.” 

“Hey. I didn’t think you were coming.” 

“I’m sorry for being late. The Calgary Flames don’t care if you have plans outside of work.”

“I get it, experience and all, come on in.”

He noticed right away that she was wearing a pair of jeans and the shirt he had given her with his name on the back. 

“I like your shirt, good number and solid name.”

“You think? I like the name but I kinda wish the number was a seven instead.”

“Fuck you,” they both laughed at that as Matt lead her into the kitchen. 

“You’re fucking kidding?”

“I'm not.” 

“Holy shit.” 

*

The spread in front of you was everything you could ever want. Matt had pulled out all the stops and gotten takeout from your favorite diner, Mexican restaurant, Italian place, and Taco Bell. There was more than enough food to feed the entire Flames team. 

“I wasn’t sure what you like, so I made sure there were a lot of options.”

“Are you lying?”

You looked up at him and noticed his cheeks flush as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, “yeah. I might have asked around.” 

“We’ll never be able to eat all of this.”

“I know. I was thinking that, if you’re fine with it, we invite some of the guys and their partners over later. Only if you’re cool with it though, I said it would be just us and I meant it.”

If you agreed, this would be your coming out party with Matt. Everyone would know that you were some sort of something and you still weren’t sure if you were ready for it. 

“We’ll see, I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. We’re on your terms tonight.” 

This was not the man you met two years ago. This was not the man with a shitty attitude and a chip on his shoulder that he took out on everyone. This was not the man that told you to sleep on the floor because he wouldn’t get into bed unless you did. 

This was a different man entirely. 

This was a different Matthew Tkachuk and you kind of hated how much you really fucking liked him. 

[axwalker]

Creep 2: I don’t care if it hurts

HIGH SCHOOL AU

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC  (Lexie O’Brien) Book TRR

MASTERLIST HERE

Synopsis: Drake and Lexie are star-crossed lovers. Her father hates him and forces Lexie to stop any contact with Drake. Lost and heartbroken, he “bullies” her for two years until he discovers the truth of Lexie’s behavior.

A/N 1 This came up to me after I got an ask from @nestledonthaveone​ to write a fic based on the song CREEP.

I used to hear this song when I was a teenager, so when I read this ask, I immediately wanted to write something angsty but situated in high school.

A/N 2: Because they’re younger than usual, I decided to change my  FC. 

Words: 4,110 

WARNINGS: Parental abuse, domestic violence, toxic love.

THIS IS NOT YOUR USUAL MARSHMALLOW DRAKE. He was abandoned as a boy, he’s tortured and he doesn’t know how to express his love. His behavior is not excusable.

This is a dark love story. If you’re not comfortable with it, PLEASE do not read it.  

ALL MY FICS ARE 18+

TAGS ON THE COMMENTS

As this is darker than usual; I’m only tagging the people who commented in the previous chapter. If you want to get on or off the list for this fic, please do not hesitate to ask!! 

DRAKE

Even if she never looks at me or speaks to me again, she’s mine. Even if I’ve been a horrible jerk to her for two years and she pales every time I pull into the parking lot on my motorcycle, she is mine. Just seeing her with him enrages me, so I walk straight toward my usual seat, directly behind Lexie, and slam my textbook down onto the desk.

Startled, Rys looks up at me, “Hey, Walker. What’s up?” 

It’s not the first time he tries to make a move on Lexie. Last time –two years ago, we almost killed each other. Pretty boy might be an entitled ass, but he knows how to fight. Maybe he thinks Lexie is game again after all this time. He couldn’t be more wrong. 

 “Don’t you have a class this period?” I ask him. Liam cocks his left eyebrow, adjusting the straps of his backpack. 

“I fail to see why that concerns you, Creep.”  

My smile is murderous. “Get the fuck out of here before I break your face, pretty boy.”

I think he has a death wish because he looks at Lexie when he talks, “See you after class, Alexis, when your watchdog will be busy mowing my lawn.” Finally, he just shakes his head and gets out of the classroom. I resume my daily routine. Staring at the back of Lexie’s head, tracing the curve of her perfect neck, my cock getting hard over her perfect cherry scent. 

“So that’s what you like,” I say, leaning forward to speak an inch from her ears. “You like them with blond hair and pink polo shirts. Prospects for Cambridge or shit. A huge trust fund. Don’t you? A brat like you needs someone who can spoil her. I bet you’d introduce him to daddy, wouldn’t you?” 

She doesn’t respond. She never does. Her eyes stay stubbornly on the front of the class where the teacher has started writing today’s lesson on the board—my hands fist in desperation. I’m dying for her to talk to me. To look at me. Anything. “Too bad, Lexie. I’ll scare every single one of those fucking entitled boys off. You’re going to sit alone in your house on prom night, crying into your designer sheets like a baby. And I’m going to enjoy it.” 

The only sign that she hears me at all is the quickening rise and fall of her shoulders. Even that tiny display that I’ve upset her is agonizing, floods me with self-loathing, but I can never stop. She ripped out my fucking heart, and I can’t deal with the consequences of that alone. I can’t let her go. I’ll never let her go. This toxic feeling is the only thing left between us. My hands shake with the urge to take her in my arms, to stop the trembling I caused. To protect her from everything. Even myself. I’d love to move my fingers up into the silky, brown hair that reaches the middle of her graceful neck. I don’t have a lot of money; most of the cash I earn as a handyman goes to food and fixing my dad’s cabin, but I’d give every last cent for her to turn and lock those soft brown eyes on me, just one last time. Sometimes when I jerk off, all it takes is fantasizing about Lexie looking at me, giving me one of those shy smiles, and I lose it. One stroke. Maybe two. Done. I can’t breathe without having her close. And I can’t breathe with her close. It’s a strange condition, this obsession, but she’s an addiction that I just can’t give up. 

How could I? She’s intelligent, strong, and so damned gorgeous. Once upon a time, I thought she had a good heart too. But that was before she broke my pathetic heart only because I’m poor. I’ve been hurting since then, and I need her to hurt too. To know what it feels.

“Do you actually think that dumb rich boy would be a good choice for your first time, Lexie?” I grip my desk so tight it nearly breaks down, just thinking about her being kissed –touched by someone else. “At least that’s one thing us poor motherfuckers have going for us. We know how to fuck. If you went out with Rys for a while, you’d eventually give in and come slumming it one night, wouldn’t you? Knock on my rundown cabin door, begging me to fuck you as we both know you’d like.”

A pretty blush is starting to climb her neck. I have to take a deep breath to keep from kiss her pink cheeks. But I think if I got to touch her skin, my wall of bullshit would crumble. I’ve only fucked one girl. Since seeing Lexie for the first time freshman year, there’s been no one but her. I want no one else. She owns my cock as sure as she owns my heart. How easily she’s forgotten about both leaving me in agony. 

“Stop,” she breathes. I freeze. Did she just speak to me? It’s the first time in two years that she’s even remotely acknowledged my existence. 

“Lexie,” I managed to say. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That’s all it took. One pleading word out of her mouth, and I’m done. 

“Just stop,” she says again, turning her head slightly. “Please.” 

I fall back in my chair, my heart thundering on my chest. If we weren’t in the middle of class, if I didn’t feel like a monster, I would pull her into my arms right now. I’d hug her until she stopped struggling, then beg her to hit me, bruise me, make me pay for every shitty thing I’ve ever said to her. But before long, the class is over, and she’s leaving the classroom to get out of here. To put distance between us as quickly as possible—and I have no choice but to watch her because I feel physically ill. Still, I manage to get out into the student-packed hallway, my plan to apologize for being crude and a jerk and torturing her for so long. 

My head is telling me not to apologize, though. It’s telling me she deserved it for being such a snob, for breaking me, for valuing money and status like everyone else. My damned heart is telling an entirely different story. It’s insisting there is an explanation for her behavior. Am I going to apologize or not? The decision is taken out of my hands when Lexie opens her locker, and the little gift I left before class falls down. It’s a picture I cut out from our last yearbook. In the photo is a gorgeous smiling Lexie above the caption Most Likely to Succeed. Except I’ve crossed out the caption and added my own. Most Likely to Be a Trophy Wife. Watching her read it, I almost get sick right there in the hallway. Usually, she’s perfectly composed, not betraying a trace of emotion where I’m concerned—a real Ice queen. I’ve always thought she honestly didn’t care. Today, though… she’s not pulling it off. Something is not okay with her, and I don’t like it. She has to bite down on her bottom lip to stop it from quivering as she puts the photo back into her locker, out of sight, her bright eyes finding me briefly, massacring me where I stand. Betraying with one single look how much she has been affected by my actions. Christ. She hasn’t been indifferent at all.

Before I can react, before I can call her name, she’s gone, vanished into the crowd of wild students excited to be leaving for the day. And I know what I have to do. I have to see her. To apologize. To get an explanation for everything. Tonight. I’ll return to her house for the first time in two years.

LEXIE

I’ve known this was coming all day. Sitting on the couch in my living room, trying to make myself as small as possible, I watch my father pace. He rants, gesticulating noisily. This isn’t new, my father’s rage threatening me. But it’s going to be worse than usual. Business has declined for him and it’s put his temper on a trigger. Dad’s new wife, Nancy, hates to be on a budget, and she’s been spending his money like crazy all over Paris --where she’s now. When dad gets home from the office, he’s rarely in anything but a horrible mood. A tornado eating up everything in its path. Completely terrifying. At least dad’s temper makes me forget what Drake told me today, the ugly words he said to me, the boiling anger in his eyes when he looks at me. 

“Are you even listening?” The slap across the face comes as a shock because I’d momentarily disappeared into my thoughts, but the sting quickly brings me back to reality. 

“Yes, sir,” I say, my ears ringing. “I’m listening.” 

“This C on your algebra test is going to drag your whole average down.” He’s waving the test in my face. “What a disappointment you are, Alexis. Your teacher shared my disgust.” I nod solemnly, but I’m listening for the rain outside. “I guess you’re your daughter’s mother after all. A poor Mexican girl who could barely count.” It’s not true. My mom learned English and Greek by herself, and she was a great Spanish teacher in Portavira, but my father would rather die than acknowledge how smart she was. 

“Don’t talk like that about her,” I retort.

My father snorts. “I beg your pardon?” He takes a step towards me, and I can see the threat in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” I hate to be such a coward, but I know what he can do to me.” I’ll do extra credit. Something to bring my grade back up to an A.” I wet my lips. “Even if I can’t manage to raise the grade, it’s not going to show up on the college transcripts I sent off with my applications.” That’s the reason I let my focus slip a little in algebra. The finish line is in sight for everyone, and we’re just waiting to find out where we’ll be accepted for college. It’s a wonder I’ve been able to maintain my focus this long in any class, considering Walker sits behind me in every period, brooding making me feel … something. At the reminder of him, I want to close my eyes and dream about him. I replay that night in my garden when he kissed me two years ago, so tenderly and passionately, when he spoke to me so sweetly and honestly before he became the second villain in my story. Someone I dread, as much as I crave the sight of him.  

At least that’s one thing us poor motherfuckers have going for us. We know how to fuck. If you went out with that punk for a while, you’d eventually give in and come slumming it one night, wouldn’t you? Knock on my trailer door, begging me to ride you right. 

Should I be ashamed of the way my body reacted to those words? I grew uncomfortably damp in the hard plastic chair, the center of my body clenching, seeming to beat like a heart. His breath on my neck made me shiver, head to toe. Even the way he scared off Liam Rys did something to me. Aroused me. Deeply. It got so bad that I broke the rules and asked him to stop. I can still hear him saying my name in that tortured way after. That shocked, uneven sound. Lexie. And whether I’m ashamed of myself for it or not, I know I’ll think of it when I touch myself tonight. His voice, his hands, his eyes obsess me. 

“College?” My father snorts, tearing the test in half. “You’re not going to college.” 

This grabs my attention. A horrible feeling is making me cold. “I’m…what? What do you mean? I applied to nine different schools. I have a four-point five GPA.” 

For the first time, I notice his red face is about more than just rage. There’s…humiliation. I’ve never seen him display that emotion. 

“None of the American colleges that accepted you offered scholarships.” 

“I’ve been accepted?” I gasp, sitting forward, heart pounding in my chest. “Where? I didn’t see the letters—” 

“All the mail in this house goes through me, Alexis. I read them. And you failed to get academic scholarships. You failed. Not that I’m surprised.”

 I don’t point out that his refusal to let me participate in any extracurricular activities is more than likely to blame for that. I’m too worried about what he’s saying, what this means. The blood is draining from my head, making the room spin around me. 

“Okay, I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry. But…we have money. We can pay tuition, can’t we? Or colleges in Cordonia are almost for free. I can go to any of them; I don’t have to go to NYU.” I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. This is my way out. College is the escape route. I counted on going back to New York, but I can stay here and go to college in Cordonia City. 

“Listen to you, so quick to spend my hard-earned money—spoiled brat. And of course, you can’t go to college in Cordonia. What for? To end up being a schoolteacher like your mom? A housewife as Nancy?” He laughs bitterly. “No, you’ll stay here, and I’ll help you find someone suitable to marry.” 

I shake my head. “There’s financial aid, then. Loans or I can get a job and go to college in Portavira…” 

“You want to leave, just like her, don’t you? You’re all the same.”

 I don’t even flinch when he yanks me to my feet, shoving me into the wall. In fact, for the first time, I took him right into his eyes. And I can see the violence burning on them has nothing to do with me. It never had anything to do with how I behave, my choices, how hard I worked in school. How welcome I made Nancy feel or cooked a roast. It’s about him and his self-loathing. It’s his sickness. Not mine. I can also see that he was never going to send me to college. Because he wouldn’t be able to control me from a distance or stop me from sharing what I’ve been subjected to since my mother died. Not like he does now. He wasn’t physically abusive all the time. Especially not when his new wife is around. But she traveled often, and then he’d push me. Shove me. Slapped me several times. I’ll graduate at the top of my class for nothing. He knew I would all along. 

That’s when I realize I’m free. I don’t have money, but college is free in Cordonia. I can work, save a little and go to college in one or two years. I’ll be a writer; it’ll just take more time than I thought. “Go to hell,” I whisper. 

He steps back, giving me the momentary satisfaction of his shock. “What did you say?”

Liberated, I scream it this time. “Go to hell!” From the moment I sat down to have this conversation, I knew tonight would be worse than usual, but I’ve just bought myself a ticket to hell. Usually, I can retreat to the untouchable place inside of me as he unleashes his rage, but not tonight. He doesn’t stop at one or two slaps. He punches and kicks, and I’m present for every punch and kick. Every yelled insult. Finally, I start to get scared. I’m crawling across the carpet on my hands and knees, searching for a weapon I can use in my defense when I glance out the window and see Drake staring back at me, his face a mask of horror.

 Drake

 What I’m seeing just isn’t possible. It can’t be real. My head won’t accept it. Not until her terror-filled eyes meet mine through the window and the truth pounds on my chest, leaves no doubt that this is real life. Lexie’s father is beating her. Her mouth is bloody, one of her eyes beginning to swell, arms and legs visibly weakened. I can barely fucking process it before my body is springing into action, desperate to protect her. To put a stop to the worst thing I have ever seen. What the fuck. Scorching hot rage takes over. I kick in the front door and throw myself between Lexie and her father. His fist is raised, but it pauses when he sees me, his momentary confusion giving me the time I need to knock him out cold. It only takes one right uppercut from someone his own size, and he goes down, his blank, glassy eyes staring at nothing, mouth opened. It’s not satisfying enough.

Nothing will ever be satisfying enough. I want to kill him, destroy him, but my Lexie is struggling for breath behind me, and she’s all I can think about. Turning, I approach her, my heart threatening to jump off my chest. As gently as I can, I catalog all of the cuts and purpling skin. No. No. Who could do this to her? Who could lay a finger on her in anything but reverence? Get her out of here. Calling her name, I reach down to pick her up, but she flinches and hurries back, bringing her body up against the wall. 

“Don’t touch me!” Those words filled with fear rip the soul clean out of my body. My hands drop limply to my sides and two years come rushing back, hitting me in the chest like a hammer. Every word, every action. Everything I did to make her life harder when this is what she’s been dealing with at home? Fuck me. 

“Lexie…” My voice is as kind as I can. I feel broken. “I’m sorry. I came here to apologize. For everything.” 

She puffs a humorless laugh, testing her cut lip with the tip of her tongue. “Bet you weren’t expecting to see this.” 

“If I knew this was happening, I would have been here a long time ago. I would have stopped it. I swear Lex.” 

Her expression can only be described as stunned. Maybe even a little pissed. “You are not my savior, Drake. You are my enemy. You’ve been for two years, and I want nothing else from you now.”

 “I am not your enemy.” Those words barely make it out of me, my chest hurts so fucking bad. “Don’t say that.” 

Unsteadily, she uses the wall to try and stand. I try to help her, but she recoils, and it’s a dagger straight into the center of my throat. Nothing less than I deserve, though, isn’t it? Her distrust of me is entirely my fault. I’ve made her hate me. There has to be some way to fix what I’ve done. Please God, let there be away. But right now, my main concern is her physical safety. Knowing she’s been in danger all along is unbearable. I only decided to come here tonight a few hours ago. What if I didn’t? What if I arrived an hour later? The possibilities are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. From the floor, her father groans, shifting slightly. 

“We need to get you out of here,” I say, anxious to get her free of this place. “Now, Lexie. I need to get you somewhere safe.” 

She’s standing now. Leaning against the wall and cradling one arm to her stomach, regarding me warily. “How do I know I’m safe with you?” It’s so much worse that her question is honest. Not meant to hurt me. She honestly doesn’t know if I pose a threat. It guts me where I stand. 

“You are the safest with me,” I say thickly, cursing myself. Wanting to erase the last two years so badly, my hands shake. “Please believe me. I’d die before hurting you. I’d never, Lexie. I’d never do something like that.” 

Her father rolls over onto his back and slurs a few words before losing consciousness again. Still, the sound of the older man’s voice seems to scare Lexie, “I…maybe you can just give me a ride to…a motel maybe?” She pushes off the wall, her step uneven as she walks toward the stairs. “I need some things from my room.” 

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her we don’t have time, but I’m just grateful she’s trusting me enough to leave with me, so I don’t argue. I just wait until she’s halfway up the stairs, then tie her father’s hands behind his back with my belt in case he wakes up before we leave. I have no problem knocking him out a second time, but Lexie has seen enough violence for one night. Cautiously, I walk up the stairs toward the light coming from a room halfway down the hall. This place is a far cry from my home. It’s elegant and clean, and tasteful, but it lacks any warmth whatsoever. It’s cold, like a museum. Turning the corner into Lexie’s room, it’s time to hate myself all over again. There is nothing on the walls, none of the expensive furnishings. Just four white walls, a bed, and a dresser that doubles as a desk. Several textbooks. She looks back at me over her shoulder as if judging my reaction, and I keep my features impassive, though I’m dying on the inside. 

“What can I do?” I ask. 

“How long do we have?” 

“As long as you need.” It’s physically painful not to pull her into my arms when I’m standing this close, and she’s hurt. Sad. Yet full of more inner strength than I’ve ever witnessed in another human being. I’m lucky just to be in her presence. I fucked up royally. And if she allows me back in, I’ll never do it again. It’s probably, definitely, too much to hope for. Being allowed back in. She doesn’t even look sure about having me in her room. Let alone her heart. I was trying to protect my own heart, but I lost it instead. 

 “Um…” She closes her eyes to focus, a familiar trait I’ve seen in class countless times. “There is a black bag in the hallway closet. Can you just stuff anything into it from the bathroom that looks useful?” 

Ask me to bring you a unicorn. I’ll find a way to do it. “Sure.” We work in silence, Lexie taking things out of drawers and adding them to the bag, which I’ve left open on the floor. I add toiletries from the bathroom, and once it’s zipped, I wait, watching her hesitate in the doorway. 

“Lexie?” Conflicted chocolate eyes meet mine. 

“I can’t just leave, can I?” 

“You’re not safe here, baby,” I say softly, trying to keep the residual rage at bay because it’s the last thing she needs. Not to mention she’s had her fill with negativity from me. No more. “How long…how long?” 

She shrugs, the saddest expression in her eyes. “My mom died five years ago. Ever since then, it’s gotten worse and worse. Although I never had a chance to talk to anyone about what happened behind closed doors, you know? I don’t think a person can evolve into a monster. It’s inside him.”

 “I don’t know,” I say. “I became one, didn’t I?” 

That gives her pause, forms a line between her delicate brows. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” 

She starts to walk past me, stops, standing close enough to fill my nose with cherry. “He told me if I ever spoke to you ever again, he would hurt me. Ruin you, have you evicted. Make sure you never got hired again. I didn’t mean to…hurt you. Or hurt your feelings, if that’s what happened.” 

That revelation destroys me, sets me on fire. “Jesus, Lexie. You were protecting me? And I…I tortured you for it?” I twist the neck of my T-shirt, trying to calm down, but it doesn’t work. I’ll never be calm again “I’m so fucking sorry.” 

She glances at the doorway, then back at me, eyes closed again in that way that says she’s thinking. “All I want from you now is a ride out of here, okay? And on Monday morning, you’ll stop.” She opens her shining eyes again. “No more bullying, Drake. If you’re really sorry, you’ll do that for me.” 

Fuck. I couldn’t say one more single shitty thing to her if my life depended on it. Put me at gunpoint, and I’d rather get shot at than torture this girl for one more second. But I’m highly, painfully aware that with an end to the bullying comes an end to the possessiveness. No more scaring off guys who show interest in her. No more getting close enough in class to count the hairs on her head, to smell her sweet fragrance. And to tell the truth, I’m pretty fucking worried I don’t know how to give those things up completely. I don’t think I can physically do it. This addiction with Lexie isn’t something I can cut off. A leg would be easier to sever. But my hesitation is causing her eyes to worry. If I don’t agree to, essentially, let her go… she’s not going anywhere with me. And that means her safety won’t be guaranteed. I need it to be. More than anything. 

“No more bullying,” I say, finally. A moment later, I follow her out of the room and down the stairs, trying desperately to count the hairs on her head before I no longer have the chance.

[cuddlesslut]

Closure

Part Nine to Home

Atsumu x Fem Reader, Suna x Fem Reader, Hinata x Fem Reader

Summary: it’s been so long since you’ve seen each other it’s time for closure

Warnings: angst just angst

A/N : okay first thank you to everyone who has been checking on me thank you so much for all your support. I’m so sorry it took so long to update. It’s been a rough month for me. I’ve been dealing with a lot of depression and personal struggles. So I haven’t had the energy to write. I was finally able to put this together sorry it’s extremely unedited and also sorry if it’s not what you were expecting. I will be writing more to this however I can not say how quickly I will be able to get out the chapters. Again sorry for the inconvenience.

Part Eight: Hope

Your heart beated rapidly as you stared across at Atsumu. It had been months since you had seen your former lover and as much as you wished you were over him it still hurt. Looking at him he hadn’t changed much still as handsome as ever. Although he seemed more sullen not nearly as peppy as he used to be. His Hair had grown out a little more shaggy than it had been , and there were slight bags under his eyes.

The setter sat across from you eyes trained on the drinks sitting in his hands that he had yet to sip from. You could feel the warmth of your coffee through the palm of your hands. A sad grin graced your face. He had ordered your favorite. After all this time he still remembers. That small smile was the only contrast to the somber intensity of this reunion.

Atsumu cleared his throat breaking you from your trance. “I owe you the biggest apology ever, YN, I am so so sorry for what I did,” he stated his voice shaky. He paused looking up at you unshed tear building in his eyes. “ what I did to you was unforgivable I know that, I was the biggest ass to you when all you ever did was support me. I was selfish and I want you to know I’ll never ask you to forgive me because I will never forgive myself.” Atsumu could feel his cheeks becoming damp as he quickly wiped away his tears. He knew he had no right to be sad. He took a deep breath ready to continue his apology when a small whimper escaped you. When your eyes met his he could see the trail out tears streaming down your face. It pained him to see you like this. You had never given him the chance to see your pain before.

Your throat felt tight as you tried to form your words. Part of you wanted to scream at him and tell him how shitty of a person he is. Who cares that he’s sorry it doesn’t change things. But you care. God do you feel like an idiot for doing so but you do. You loved this man for years of you’re life. And no matter the pain he put you through it still hurt to see him like this. You had never seen Atsumu cry in the 6 years of being with him. So seeing him so destroyed right in front of you was a complete shock.

“Why,” you finally chocked out.

“Because you never deserved what I put you through-” he began

“NO,” you snapped losing your composure for a moment. “Why did you do it!”

His eyes grew wide understanding your meaning.

“Why Atsumu! What did I do? Where did i go wrong! Was I not good enough?” You hiccuped tearing streaming down you’re broken face.

“No!” He snapped hurt that you’d ever think of yourself that way. “No don’t you ever think that way YN! You were perfect, You were there for me no matter what, you are beautiful and smart and the kindest person I know it was not your fault!”

“Then why Sumu! Why did you ruin us!” Your voice raising an octave.

“BECAUSE I WAS WEAK!” he broke tears hot tears falling freely. “I was weak and selfish! You were busy and never had time for me anymore because of school. You rarely came to my games at the time. And when I was at home you were always busy studying!” He looked at your shocked expression. “But looking back it was completely unfair of me to feel like that! I know that! Going to school was your dream just like volleyball was mine! I was selfish I know that now! After these months of therapy I’ve realized I was selfish our whole relationship.” He stopped catching his breath and calming down. He didn’t want to be the impulsive man he used to be. This maybe the last time he speaks to you he doesn’t want to ruin it by being heated.

You waited as he calmed himself. Observing the man in front of you. While he may look like him the man in front of you was not the Atsumu Miya you knew. You could see that clearly now. The man you knew would have brushed this off, or made round about excuses never taking responsibility. This was a new man. The Sumu you knew didn’t believe in therapy. And you have to admit you’re glad he’s getting help.

Atsumu opened his eyes looking up at you. “I know it may not seem like it YN but I love you I always have and I always will, I know I was shit at showing it but it’s true,” he sighed “but I also know that you deserve way better than me.” He took a deep breath knowing this next part would be the hardest to say. “ I know our lives overlap, in more ways than I thought apparently,” thinking back to the fact that his teammate was head over heels for you, “but i promise I won’t make your life hard, I’ll keep my distance, and if you want me completely out of your life I make sure to stay away, I won’t ever bother you if that’s what you want, although I will miss you, I want you to be happy.” He gave a soft and hopeful smile knowing this was the least that he could do.

This was not what you expected at all when choosing to meet with him. Although it was a relief in a way to have some sort of closure. He has definitely changed that much you can see. But your feelings were still so jumbled. One thing was made clear through this emotional meeting though. While part of you wanted to hate him, a big part of you still cared. But you were certain now that it wasn’t the same as before. You were sure that you had finally moved forward from your love of Atsumu Miya. Yes you still cared deeply for him but he no longer held your heart.

Looking down at your cup of coffee you finally allowed yourself a sip of the sweet liquid relishing in all the memories it brought with it. Atsumu sat patiently wait for your response not wanting to rush you. Even if his lunch break was well past ended he didn’t care volleyball could wait, he owed you that. After several moments of thoughtful silence you spoke.

“I need time,” you stated. “I don’t hate you, but I’m just not ready to forgive you yet, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for you to be in my life. Or if I ever will be, for right now I’d appreciate if you kept your distance as I continue to heal and reach my decision.”

The setter nodded accepting your choice. He stood slowly making sure to give a good long look to the woman he loved knowing this may be the last time you speak. “This is goodbye then,” he sighs giving you a small nod to which you return. He goes to leave with a heavy heart. He stops turning back to you. Your attention is fully on him still.

“He really cares about you ya know,” he gives a small smile and wave before turning around and finally walking away.

You hadn’t expected those words from him. A small giggled left your lips. You had no clue which man he meant.

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[unloved-cadillac]

hi!! i love your works sm!! they always make my heart flutter and it helps me get through these past few weeks without breaking down so thank you for your service <3 *salutes*

may I request levi with his SO (who just got over her 4 years of bisexual relationship then realized they became toxic af and just wanted to do nothing with that person anymore) and levi being patient with her + being a man of his words (because she never experienced it with her ex) and fluff prompts #2 and #8 if it's okay 🤗

love u!!! - ⚙️

C/n: *salutes back with tears in my eyes* I’m so sorry that you have breakdowns. I hate it so much but I’m honored that I have been helping you in coping with anything. Love you, take care of yourself, thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

𝖶𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍: 2.4𝗄

———————————————————————

I Wouldn’t Leave.(Levi x Reader)

TW: toxic relationship.

“Mia, come with me to watch the stars!”

“To watch the stars? What are you, five? Grow up Y/n. Seriously.”

“Mia I think I’m getting pretty good at this what do you think?”

“Your stance is shit and you would move faster if you weren’t that big. Lose some weight, yeah?”

“I love you Mia.”

“Whatever Y/n.”

This was how it was. You and Mia were dating for almost four years now. In the beginning, everything was perfect. Mia would steal kisses from you and make you smile. She would stick by you throughout the days and would sneak into your bed at night to cuddle. But that only lasted for the first year. After that, you two slowly drifted apart. You didn’t even know what had happened. One day, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to you and the next she’s bad-mouthing you to everyone. Although this happened, you didn’t leave her. Rather, you didn’t want to.

There was so much going on in this godforsaken world and to have someone there to lean on was rare. So letting go of Mia wasn’t the best of decisions right now.

But, would she even care if you died out there? If a Titan suddenly crushed you in front of her eyes? Would she even shed a tear to show her sorrow for the girl that stood by her for years?

“Mia?” You called her. She didn’t even hear you despite sitting next to you. So you tapped her shoulder and called her again. “Mia?” “What do you want?!” Mia yelled, shocking you. “Uhm, I just wanted to ask if you’re going to train with me tomorrow?” You ask and she scoffs. “Why would I train with you? I have others who could actually keep up with me. So no. I won’t be training with you.” She finishes and turns away from you. You nod to yourself and wake up to go to your room.

Levi noticed how badly Mia treated you. Everyone knew you two were together since your cadet days. You mentioned in a conversation to Eren that you were bisexual but it didn’t bother Levi. You loved who you loved but now, he doubts that you loved Mia. Maybe you did back then but that love wasn’t meant to last long. Levi hated seeing you sad or upset. He developed a little crush on you but he buried those feelings deep down because, well, you were taken.

He woke up and followed you out of the Mess Hall. You walked up to your room door but stopped. Suddenly, you ran away. Levi’s eyes widened and ran to you. You ran right up the stairs to the roof and slammed opened the door. Levi stopped running and walked quietly behind you. You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. They fell to the floor and the cool air blew against your face making you shiver. You sat on the ledge and put your knees up to your chest and cried.

Levi stood by the door and watched you. This was your spot too, huh? He used to come here when he had the time to unwind. Levi heard your sobs all the way there and walked to you. He didn’t want to startle you so he made his presence known by clearing his throat. You gasped and looked up at Levi. Your current state could make him break down.

“C-Captain Levi? What are you doing here?” You ask in between hiccups. He turns and leans his back against the ledge. “I followed you here.” He says bluntly and your eyes widen. “Listen. I know it’s none of my business. Hell, you’re probably gonna slap me if I say this but I feel like you should know,” he begins and you face him while wiping your tears. “Your girlfriend is a bitch. She doesn’t deserve you. I see the way you look at her like she’s your everything and I see her looking at you like dirt. Mia might be the one you felt could love you the way you love her but it isn’t true. I respect you as a soldier and as a person so you needed to know. One day, you’re going to wake up and realize that there’s more to life than shitty people treating you like shit and you need to stand up for yourself.” Levi continues and faces you. Your eyes were red and tears flowed heavier than before. He was right. You didn’t deserve this shit. But hearing it come from another person, a captain nonetheless, meant that it was time for you to let go.

“There’s someone out there who could love you better.” He says quietly and you turn around and face the same way he was. You wiped your tears and looked back at his side-profile. Now that you think about it, Levi had always had an eye out for you. During training he’d always help out and expeditions would always check on you. But you always ran to Mia whenever you could, leaving him.

“I, I don’t know what to do. Should I break up with her?” You ask and he looks up at the sky then you. “You do what you feel is the right thing to do. I just wanted to let you know that you don’t deserve to be treated like that.” Levi explains and turns to walk away. “Levi?” You call and he turns to face you. “Hm?” You look up at him and smile through your tears. “Thank you.” He nods and turns and walks away with his heart beating through his chest.

~~~~

“What the fuck do you mean, Y/n?! We can’t break up!” Mia yells, catching the attention of the people around the pair of you. You flinch at her telling but you stand your ground and look back at her. “I’m tired of your bullshit, Mia. And I can’t believe that it took me this long to realize that you never loved me the way that I loved you. So it’s only fair for us to break up.” You say and Mia closes her fists. “You bitch. You’ll never make it without me.” She spits out and you chuckle. “I’ll be fine. Goodbye Mia.” You smile at her and walk away, leaving her shunned. You start walking to the stables and walk past Levi who caught your eye. You smiled and waved at him while he gave you a curt nod. You go to your horse when you hear footsteps approaching you. “You heard everything, didn’t you?” You ask and Levi scoffs. “With her big mouth of course.” You chuckle at his bluntness and face him. Your eyes were still swollen but you looked...happier. He liked seeing you happy.

“Thanks for yesterday, Levi. I needed the push.” You say and he waves you off. “Don’t mention it. You’re a good soldier. Don’t let people like her put you down.” Levi says and walks away leaving you smiling the whole day.

~~~~

The following days, Levi saw you become a whole new person. You became a social butterfly. Smiling more, laughing, cracking jokes. The way you were acting no one would ever think you just came out of a 4 year relationship. Levi’s heart would sometimes skip a beat when you looked his way. Your eye bags started to disappear and you looked so much healthier. You peaked in training and left Mia in the dust. He saw that she would sometimes try to talk to you but you just ignored her. Karma^

You and Levi had started to interact more and more and you felt so much happier. Levi had made it a point to come to his office to help with paperwork but in reality it was just to spend more time together.

Although it’s been three months since your break up, you could feel yourself falling for Levi. And it scared you. The little gestures you both would do for each other and the stealing glances made you have butterflies.

It was scary, this feeling. Not even Mia made you feel like this. You started to avoid him, little by little. You Knew that if you gave into your true feelings for him, it wasn’t going to end well. The fear showed on your face whenever you were with him and Levi took notice of the change in your behavior and called you to his office one night.

“Name and business.” His deep, monotonous voice called out. “Y/n L/n. You called for me?” You say and the door opens revealing Levi. He gestures for you to enter and you walk into his office, anxious. You heard the door close and Levi’s footsteps. “Sit. Would you like some tea?” He asks and you shake your head as you sit down. He furrows his eyebrows in slight confusion but brushes it off. You always liked his tea so it was confusing why you would reject the offer. Levi sat in his chair and looked at you. You seemed...uncomfortable. “Y/n?” He called out to you and you looked back up at him. “Yes?”

“Do you know that saying “beating around the bush”?” He asks and you nod. “Yes.” “I guess it’s time for us to stop doing that with our feelings for each other.” Your breath hitches and it seemed like time stopped when he said that. You just wanted to leap into his arms and plant your lips on his but it was too soon.

“I agree, Levi, but I don’t know if it’s time yet. Even though Mia was a horrible person to me, she was my first love and it still hurts letting her go. So maybe, if you find it okay, can we wait? Just for a little more. Until I know for sure.” You explain softly as Levi listens intently. The silence settles around the room and you exhale a breath. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. You wake up and turn to leave. “I’m sorry. I should-...” “No.” Levi says and holds your arm, turning you around.

He brings you closer and cups your cheek. He ghosts his lips over your forehead then plants a soft kiss on it. He pulled away and looked at you. “I’ll wait forever if that was what it takes. There’s no rush,” he takes your hand and places it over his heart, “it’s yours. I’m yours. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” He assures you and you wrap your arms around his neck. “Thank you, Levi.”

~~~~

Couple of months passed by and Levi gave you the time and space for you to get yourself together. Healing. He would wait for you. Even if it wasn’t in his favor, he still wanted you to find happiness. You deserved it and everything more.

Now you were on the training grounds, sparring with Annie. You improved quite a lot but Annie caught you and threw you down. “Ah, shit.” You pant out and Annie holds out her hand for you. “You’re getting better, L/n. Almost got me there.” She says and pulls you up. “Almost.” You smile and look around where your eyes landed on the captain. He was watching you with a glare, that other people would find terrifying, but you found it reassuring. You flashed a quick smile to him and went back to training.

That night you made your way to his office. He didn’t call you, nor was he expecting you. But you wanted to see him. So you knocked on his door which was quickly opened by the captain. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” He asks and you take a moment to look at him. Unbuttoned shirt, black pants with his feet bare. Looks like he just came out of a shower. “Does something need to be wrong for me to see you?” You ask and he shakes his head with a soft smile. “No. Come in.” He says and moves out of the way for you to enter. He shuts the door behind you and you face him. He was a few meters away and you took in a shaky breath. “Levi. I, uh, I’ve been thinking. For the past couple of months, I’ve realized that it was time to move on. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and about..us. I want you, Levi. I think I have for a while but I wasn't sure if it was true. But I know now that you’re the one who had my heart all this time. So, if you still want me, I’m here.” You say smiling and looking at the ground.

You see his feet in front of yours and you look up to see him. He had a smile of his own plastered on his face. “It’s about time, brat.” He whispers and kisses you softly. You melt into his kiss as his arms move around your waist and yours around his neck. This feeling. This moment. It was like all of your senses came to life and the joy you never knew you had blossomed.

When you both pulled away, Levi took you to his bedroom and laid you down on his bed. He crawled over you and planted kisses all over your face and neck. You giggled which in turn made him chuckle. He looked up at your flushed face as you cupped his face. “May I?” He asks softly as he brushes his nose against yours as his hands started to roam. “Of course. I’m yours.” And the night became the night you felt alive after all these years.

~~~~

The morning sun shines through the bedroom window and brightens up the room. You groan and move away from the light and roll over to the other side bumping into Levi’s chest. You smile to yourself and cuddle into him further. “You’re very lazy.” Levi says and you chuckle. “It’s too early. Plus we’re off today so shut up.” You groggily say and he scoffs and pulls you up and holds you. You slowly open your eyes and look at Levi who was already staring. “Hi.” “Hey.” You two stay like that for a few minutes but then Levi moves your hair away from your face and rubs his thumb over your cheekbone. “Never would I have thought that your eyes would be the ones that I want to stare at forever.” He whispers to you and you smile and hug him. He wraps his arms around your bare waist and holds you tighter. “I love you Levi.” You whisper with a few tears falling. He rubs your head and closes his eyes. “I love you too, Y/n. And just so you know,” he says and pulls away to look at you. He wipes your tears away and continues:

“I wouldn’t leave.”

———————————————————————

“You deserve everything good in this world.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[fanfic-scribbles]

Smile

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Bucky gives you some reasons to smile.

Quick facts: Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, puns, cheesy jokes, so cheesy

Words: 3344

A/N: I’m going to admit it upfront, about 40 percent of the time spent on this fic was spent on writing it. The other 60 percent was spent on finding the jokes. Also, this story is semi-inspired by the fact that my face is not nearly as expressive as it feels (I basically look like the polite cat meme when I really try and I can’t do it for long before my face hurts too much) so this goes out to other people who get accused of resting bitch/asshole face. And get written up for it. Anyway, please enjoy this goofy little Bucky/Reader get together.

  ~

‘How do you make a tissue dance?’

‘Put a little boogie in it.’

Bucky snorts and coughs when he accidentally breathes coffee instead of air. ‘That’s disgusting,’ he texts back but Sam just replies with an obnoxious smiling face. Bucky shakes his head and goes back to his coffee. It’s actually not so terrible today.

He doesn’t hang out in a dive, but this coffee shop is a type of quiet he almost never sees in the city. It’s too far from the tourism path for convenience and just outside the neighborhood purview where there are many other local (better) favorites. It’s clean enough and decently sized, but it’s decorated like it was supposed to be trendy ten years ago and the place is barely staffed, to match its perpetually nigh-empty interior. There was a short-lived attempt at hiring another person, but after a ridiculous amount of turnover the owners, or whoever, apparently cut their losses and the only constants that remain are Bucky, the lone customer, you, the person actually working the counter, and your manager.

You’re nice. You always speak kindly to Bucky and, when you think you can sneak it, upsize his cup without comment or charge. Also, one time when his glove broke and slipped off, you hadn’t even commented on the arm; you’d even helped him stop panicking enough to see it hadn’t gone far and helped secure it temporarily with a rubber band.

Your manager, meanwhile, is a dick who glares at Bucky and once made a snide comment about him leaning too close to the register, and only talks to you in demanding barks. Like now– but the five minute “hushed” conversation is winding down and soon it will be safe for Bucky to go get his refill.

“I’m writing you up,” the manager says.

You jerk back in shock. “For not smiling enough?”

“It’s what we got marked down for, it’s what’s going on your record,” he says, turns on his heel, and retreats into the back to do jack shit. Bucky glares at his back as he goes. His harsh expression turns to a milder frown when he looks at you, hunched over and staring at the counter with a dead expression on your face.

He looks at his phone, looks at his empty coffee cup, and makes a quick decision.

“Can I get a refill?” he asks when he’s in front of you, startling you out of your stagnant misery. You look up at Bucky and after a second force an unnatural smile on your face. He winces on your behalf.

“Of course,” you say softly, and turn to refill the cup.

When you hand it back to him Bucky shuffles, hesitates, but finally asks, “Why are colds bad criminals?”

You blink. “Uh…why?”

“Because they’re easy to catch.”

You blink again, and then let out a startled laugh. Bucky smiles slightly at the sound, and smiles more at the more natural, smaller turn of your lips as you say, “That’s…that’s a good one.”

“It’s pretty terrible.”

“All the best ones are,” you say, and the door chimes making Bucky break away. But as he watches you talk to the delivery man like normal he nods to himself. He leaves with his coffee to start the day and fires a quick text to Sam: ‘Where do you get your dumb jokes?’

~

The next day when the door chimes and you see your one regular customer, you let yourself smile a lot more naturally than you have been. Your face is starting to hurt and your boss is probably napping in the back, so you take the chance to relax.

“Hi,” you say. “The usual?”

“Please,” he says, polite as ever as he hands you exact change and you go to fix his cup. When you bring it back he asks, “What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?”

“What?”

“Dam.”

You giggle despite yourself. Bucky’s smile is small and guarded, but you haven’t had a moment yet where you haven’t been grateful to see it. Maybe this ‘smiling’ business is all it’s cracked up to be. If only it didn’t hurt your cheeks so much.

But as he tips his cup to you and goes to his favorite corner, you find you don’t mind the ache as much.

~

Every time he comes in now, he brings a new joke.

“What do you call a fake noodle?”

“An im-pasta.”

“What does a clock do when it’s hungry?”

“It goes back four seconds.”

“Why did the bike fall over?”

“It was two tired.”

The delivery is fairly flat but there’s always at least the hint of a smile and, you don’t know, it might be his absolute seriousness that sells it, because every one of them raises your spirits. You don’t know why he’s suddenly telling you jokes. For anyone else you might think they’re flirting, but you don’t get that impression here. He’s handsome, always looks put-together in quality clothes even if they seem picked for comfort over anything else, and even before this he has always been unfailingly polite. If he wants someone, he has to have someone just as lovely. Right?

You can’t help but think about it even after he comes back. And the wonderfully terrible jokes, thankfully, don’t stop.

“Why did the mushroom go to the party?”

You keep pouring the coffee while you ponder an answer. “I don’t know,” you decide and lift your head as you hand Bucky his drink.

The way he smiles is very fetching– not quite a smirk, it’s a little too unsure for that, but it tilts up to the side and gives him a boyish charm that would make anyone weak in the knees. “Because he was a fungi.”

It makes a smile big enough for you to feel, but considering how self-conscious you are now you quickly tell him, “I liked that.”

“I know,” he says. “You smiled.”

“You can tell?” Maybe you aren’t as bad off as you thought. Or maybe he’s just being nice. But he seems honest, and he nods decisively.

“I get not being the most…expressive.” He shrugs. “But anyone can still see it, if they look.”

The implication that he cares enough to look stuns you both to silence. He ducks his head shyly and lifts his coffee cup in thanks before retreating to his corner. When you finally have working vocal cords again you say, “Have a nice day.” It might be the first time you’ve ever really meant it.

~

“What’s the opposite of coffee?”

Bucky’s eyes widen and narrow in quick succession as he goes from surprise to contemplation. He weighs your question with all the dramatic seriousness you could hope for before he says, “I don’t know. What is the opposite of coffee?”

You grin when you say, “Sneezy.”

His smile is bright and he nods his head. “Not bad, not bad.” He leans on the counter, looking more relaxed than you’ve ever seen him. It’s…shockingly warming. You have to remind yourself not to get too close. He showed up out of the blue and he can be gone just as quickly. Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he has any attachment here. In fact, you hope he doesn’t– you’d question his sanity otherwise. “Why did Mozart hate chickens?”

“I don’t know,” you say, eager to hear the answer.

“Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!’”

You laugh– that is, of course, when your supervisor pokes his head out of the back and scowls at you. He should be happy that you’re ‘smiling enough’ but you know full well anything you do is never going to be good. You freeze whatever expression is on your face as Bucky’s mood darkens and your heart sinks. “Enjoy your coffee,” you say, infusing meaning into every word. That ekes out a small imitation of a smile as Bucky raises his cup and goes to his seat.

Your supervisor starts to stalk over to you but you are saved by the sudden ringing of a phone, and he blessedly turns on his heel and goes to answer.

You sigh and start cleaning up the counter. Bucky is in his corner, hunched over and quiet as usual. He looks fine, but you feel bad for the interruption, even though you get the impression he understands. Still, this is one nice thing you’ve had in this otherwise miserable job and you’re not going to lose yet one more good person to your superior’s shitty attitude.

You push out a roll of receipt paper, scribble ‘Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?’ on it, and stick it in your apron. You walk over to wipe down an untouched table and, before heading back, make a little detour to drop it next to Bucky’s arm. He grabs the paper as you’re scooting away (plausible deniability in case your boss comes out) but it isn’t until you’re back behind the counter that you realize what that just looked like. Does he think you just dropped your number? He hasn’t opened it yet. Is he trying to figure out a way to let you down? You suddenly regret playing into this so much; he was just trying to be nice, he probably didn’t expect you to latch onto it so–

He opens the paper, reads it, and shoots you a little smirk. You breathe a sigh of relief and mindlessly wipe things down and rearrange well-organized creamers and straws until Bucky comes up for his customary pre-leaving refill. You’re a little disheartened it’s that time already, but it means you’re that much closer to the end of your shift, at least.

“Why?” Bucky asks quietly. It takes you a second before you remember the receipt paper and you surreptitiously check the back to see the door is closed.

“Because he was pressed for time,” you say quietly as you hand back his cup.

He chuckles. “I like it,” he says and takes a sip. “Thanks,” he adds as expected, but then he winks and you…you just stare at him as he leaves.

Should you have dropped your number?

~

A few days later, Bucky is caught off his guard and pays for it.

“What’s this?”

Bucky doesn’t get to his coffee cup fast enough and Sam snatches it and reads. “Sam,” Bucky grumbles but there it is, Sam’s eyes go wide and he turns that stare on Bucky. “Don’t look at me like that,” Bucky snaps and snatches his drink back.

“You’ve been using my jokes to hit on a dorky barista?” Sam asks and follows him across the room.

“I’ve been using jokes from the site you steal yours from to share with the nice woman who makes my coffee,” Bucky says and sits in a chair. He never stays for Sam’s group VA sessions and he should have left sooner, damn it. “I wouldn’t use yours. They’re gross.”

“Potentially inappropriate for a lady,” Sam says. Bucky opens his mouth to argue but, no, that’s exactly it, even though Sam’s tone implies something completely different from what Bucky would have said. “What’s her name?”

“Bucky?”

Steve has never been more of an actual hero to Bucky than he is right now. Right on time to walk back home with Bucky, Steve wanders in, sees the two of them, and stops. “Oh, should I…”

“Let’s g–” Bucky is immediately stopped by Sam’s hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s got his eyes on someone,” Sam says, immediately centering himself as Bucky’s most hated arch-nemesis.

…Okay, maybe not, but if Bucky didn’t have real problems he would be.

“I do not,” Bucky grumbles, because he knows it’s pointless and Steve is immediately sitting in front of them and leaning in like he’s the last girl at the sleepover.

“Really Buck? That’s great!” Steve says. “Have you…are you going to make a move?”

“No,” Bucky says and quickly runs down the situation, hoping that it will clear things up but knowing his friends too well. Indeed, Sam and Steve share smirks before looking at him again.

“You’re a real hero,” Sam says, only partly joking.

“I hate you,” Bucky says, ducking his head down. He doesn’t really blush anymore, if he ever did, but the motion is instinctive.

“You don’t.”

“I wish I did.”

Steve grins, as does Sam, and Bucky wants to duck into a hole. Goddamn mother hens, they’re going to want to–

“Should we come by?” Sam asks and leans back in his chair. “Be real wingmen?”

“No,” Bucky says, harsher than he means to. Sam and Steve don’t look bothered– they’ve weathered worse emotional snaps than that– but they wait for him to explain and Bucky doesn’t know if he can. Because what if this is leading to something? Is he ready for that? He thinks he might like you, but would he be okay putting in the effort of getting to know you? What if he can’t handle it? What if Steve and Sam walk in and they’re all you see? Both of them are plenty distracting, and charming, while Bucky can hardly put one foot in front of the other, some days. And what if this isn’t leading to anything, you’re just nice, and it’s nice, but Sam and Steve find out and look at him with all the pity they can muster?

“I just…want to see it through. On my own. Whatever this is.” ‘Or could be’ he leaves unspoken, because hoping for anything still feels like too much.

“Okay,” Sam says first, because of course he does, but Steve nods along quickly. It’s enough to make Bucky exhale deeply and relax muscles he didn’t know he had tensed. He rolls his eyes and stands up to cover for it.

“You’ll keep us updated though, right?” Sam asks, an easy grin on his face as he lounges in the chair.

“Like I’ll be able to avoid it,” Bucky mutters, finishes his drink, and lets Sam know they’re okay by throwing the empty cup at his head.

~

The fact that you’re running out of coffee-related jokes is stressing you out. You wanted to keep on theme but too many more days of this and you’ll be scouring the internet for whatever jokes Bucky hasn’t used yet. There are some coffee-related puns, but…the ones you like carry a romantic hint to them, and you were hoping to save those in case Bucky showed any interest. So far you haven’t picked up on anything, but you’re also very oblivious, and your roommate thinks you’re an idiot and he’s obviously into you.

But he might not be.

You do what you’ve been doing since your boss snarked at you about flirting on the clock and get Bucky’s cup ready with maybe your favorite joke.

‘How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.’

And smile proudly at it. Your small handwriting is getting better– Bucky barely has to squint at it this time, and he gives you a conspirator’s smile when he slides his twenty-dollar bill across the counter at you, with the neatest print writing along the margins.

‘What do you call an alligator detective?

An investi-gator.’

It’s cute and you snicker to yourself as you gather his change and place it gently in his gloved hand. He doesn’t retreat to his corner right away, though, and shuffles in place. “I was…I just wanted to say…” But then his eyes glance to your side and his face freezes in an unfortunately familiar way. “Thank you for the coffee,” he says woodenly and raises his cup just so.

“Of course. Have a nice day,” you say as robotically as possible and watch him go. Your supervisor clears his throat pointedly and you pretend like the place isn’t as clean as it was since the last time you went around. But now you’re thinking. About how awkward Bucky looked, and how he mentioned wanting to say something…maybe…maybe he is open. To you. Potentially.

Tomorrow, you decide with a thrill of nauseating adrenaline. Tomorrow you’re going to bring it up.

~

The next day you arrive at the shop at your usual time in the pre-dawn cold only to find an extra padlock on the door and a note in the window.

You stare, dumbfounded, and read the note. You read it again. And again.

‘Out of Business.’

But nobody called you.

You immediately grab your phone and dial your supervisor’s number. When he doesn’t pick up you call it again because this cannot be real. The job was shit but it was a job, and you knew what to expect, and you’ll never see Bucky again, will you?

It takes almost half an hour for the asshole to pick up– or maybe more, as the sun is starting to show up– and upon answering, he snaps, “What?!”

“What happened?” you ask, just as unkindly.

Your boss grumbles unintelligibly but you wait. “Did you see the sign?”

“I was working yesterday; no one mentioned anything about this.”

“Corporate called last night.” He yawns loudly. “I tried to call you.”

That’s a lie if you’ve ever heard one, but your tongue gets tripped up in anger and he says, “Sorry but there’s no room at the other branches for you, your last check is in the mail,” and hangs up.

You stand there for a while, trying to blink away tears at the sudden upheaval of your life. You should have found a replacement job while you had a chance. You should have asked your co-workers where they were going. You should have given Bucky your number.

You stand there for a little while, debating spending money you shouldn’t on a nice breakfast to wallow in, when the sound of footsteps coming up behind you makes you turn around.

“Oh, Bucky,” you say and rub your face. You think you’ve managed to hold it in, but it’s chilly and any exposed skin feels frozen.

“What’s going on?” he asks and peers around you at the note.

“Um…” You gesture uselessly. “Apparently this location is no longer in business. Just found out.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. “That asshole didn’t even call you?!”

The amount of anger on your behalf startles you. Startles both of you, actually, but just as he’s about to say something you laugh and say, “At least that asshole isn’t my problem anymore.” You sigh. You have savings, and the other job, and there’s always some other crappy job waiting for someone like you. But there’s something here that won’t be, and you pull out your phone and start typing. “Um…Bucky…there’s something I wanted to say to you. But it’s hard to say.”

“Okay?” he asks. You squeeze your eyes tight, brace yourself for impending rejection, and hold out your phone.

‘I like you a latte,’ followed by your phone number, hopefully gets the point across. After a few seconds your phone buzzes and you jump and bring it back, hoping no one texted you anything terrible while Bucky was staring at your phone.

It’s a new number, and the text reads, ‘It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.’

You look up at him and he’s smiling, mouth parted slightly, and you start smiling so hard your cheeks hurt. But it’s okay. “I only had two more coffee jokes left before that line,” you confess and save his name to his number.

“Maybe you can tell them to me over breakfast? My treat,” he says and extends his arm.

You don’t even have to think about it. “Your treat this time,” you say, and link your arm with his. “In return, I’m going to show you where to get some good coffee.”

“Oh I don’t know,” he smirks at you. “The last place had its perks.”

Lacking a good comeback, you push your face into his shoulder to muffle your laughter. He leans into you, and doesn’t pull away even when you’ve gotten under control.

It’s the beginning of a brew-tiful relationship.

[kisskeiji]

2. Goodbye, good times.

Lost & Found.

WARNINGS: language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cheating.

The walk back home was hard for Hajime. Home, he couldn’t call his place home since you left. It was lonely, he missed seeing you playing around in the kitchen while you danced to your favorite tunes. He missed the way you stayed up late to catch up with your school work,  the mess you made every morning when you were getting ready for school and the kiss you shared before you left. He missed you. 

He missed you and you were gone. But, where? You talked about the exchange offers you received with him, but you declined all those opportunities to stay with him. Could you have taken one of them? ‘Of course she did’  He thought. All the guilt he felt weighed on him everyday, and as if losing you wasn’t enough, his best friend was also ignoring him and wanted nothing to do with him. 

Two days after what happened Iwaizumi’s phone rang while he was at work, it was Oikawa calling.

“Iwa-chan~ Did Y/N break her phone again? My texts won’t reach her.” The brunette said with annoyance in his voice. 

“I don’t know. I can’t reach her either.” he looked down.

“You don’t know? You live with her, Iwa-chan, don’t be silly.” Oikawa laughed. 

“Not anymore, she left.” Iwaizumi busied himself cleaning the dumbbells on the rack before it was opening time. 

“Yeah, and I’m back in Japan. Stop playing Iwa-chan, now what did she do now? She dropped it in the toilet again?” Oikawa was growing frustrated. Why would he joke with something like that? 

“I’m not joking, Oikawa, we broke up.”  

“Why? What happened?” Anyone could feel Oikawa’s distress from Argentina. Iwaizumi sighed.

“She caught me with another girl.” his answer was almost inaudible, but Oikawa heard loud and clear from the other line. The sigh that left his lips after a few seconds was hard to read, it was a mixture of sadness, worry and disappointment. 

“You are unbelievable, Iwaizumi.” Oikawa said “Out of all people, I never thought you were one to be unfaithful nor you could do something so low like cheating on the girl who spent the last four years of her life on you.”

“Do you think I don't know?” 

“I don’t know, do you?” Oikawa spat. 

“Look, Shitty-kawa, I don’t need you to tell me what I already know. I fucked up my relationship with Y/N, but that’s none of your business.” 

“It is my business since my best friend blocked me because she thinks I backed you up on your stupid decisions. Can’t you see? She hates me too. And I’m sure she blocked Matsukawa and Hanamaki too, just ask them. You are right, it’s none of my business, but I got dragged into this mess because of you.” Oikawa screamed from the other side of the line. 

“Well I am your best friend too, I think I need your support rather than you scolding me from the other side of the world as if you were my mom.” Iwaizumi said dropping the rag he was cleaning the equipment with. 

“And you think you deserve any kind of sympathy after what you did?” The former setter asked in disbelief. Iwaizumi’s eyes dropped once again to the floor, there was no answer, he knew he didn’t but still hoped for his best friend to help him out. “Get fucked Iwaizumi, and please don’t ever call me again.”  

Oikawa ended the call and blocked Iwaizumi’s number too. 

That was almost two months ago. He was completely hopeless now. Out of the third years, only Matsukawa and Hanamaki knew about his affair and kept their mouths shut under the promise that Iwaizumi would cut the girl off, he didn’t. Still they made sure he wasn’t drowning on his own thoughts and checked up on him, they were friends after all.

 “What are you doing here?” Iwaizumi asked as he closed the door and took his shoes off.

“We were bored and  we brought dinner but you weren’t home.” Matsukawa explained.

“And there’s no Wi-Fi at the dorms.” the pink haired said without looking away from his laptop.

“Whatever, I’m going to take a shower.”  Iwaizumi walked past them.

“Eat something first.” Matsukawa called.

“Not hungry.” 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki shared a look and sighed.

“Let 's call him.” Hanamaki suggested.

“He is mad at us too.” Matsukawa ran his hand through his hair.

“Yeah, but he hasn’t blocked us yet.”  Sharing another look they agreed on calling Oikawa as soon as Iwaizumi finished showering. 

Ten minutes later, Iwaizumi walked out of his room and went straight to the kitchen, he could hear his friends whispering in the living room. “What are you two up to?” He opened the pantry looking for his protein powder. ’I forgot to buy it again.’ He thought as he stared at the empty jar. You used to get it for him on your way back from work, but not anymore. He could hear his friends bickering on the couch and he knew they were most likely planning something stupid. "What are you two doing?"

“Nothing much, can you come here for a second?” Matsukawa asked. Iwaizumi made his way to the couch where the other two sat, Makki placing his laptop on the coffee table. The screen showed an outgoing video call to Oikawa. 

“Why are you calling him?” He attempted to stand up but Matsukawa pulled him back down. 

“Because we don’t know what to do anymore, and he knows you better than we do.” Matsukawa explained. Before Iwaizumi could say anything else, Oikawa picked up.

“Makki I already told you I don’t want to see your rash! Go get checked or something!” Oikawa whined. The lightning adjusted and soon enough the three men could see him fresh out of the shower, drying his hair with a white towel.

“Shut up! I didn’t call you for that, you idiot.” Hanamaki retorted. 

“Then what? I had morning practice and I’m exhausted, it better be good.”  The former captain walked out of the bathroom and to his bed.

“We need your help.” Matsukawa added.

“Oh you are together, wait, you aren’t with Iwaizumi, are you?” Oikawa asked, Iwaizumi and Matsukawa shared a glance.

“Not right now.” Makki  lied. 

“Then go ahead, I'm listening.” As soon as Oikawa spoke, Hanamaki directed the camera to Iwaizumi and he could only stare awkwardly in the few seconds of silence before Oikawa could say anything.

“Before you hang up, please listen to us.” Matsukawa started. 

“You said you weren’t with him.” Oikawa whined again “I knew you were up to something and I don’t want to be part of it. Goodbye.”

“No!” Both Makki and Mattsun yelled trying to keep Oikawa on the line. 

“Let him go, he clearly doesn’t want to see me.” Iwaizumi said.

“Poor you! It’s what you deserve.” Oikawa scoffed and rolled his eyes while anger was already building up inside Hajime. 

“Really? And you deserve the most annoying manchild on earth award! Maybe if you stopped whining and listened for once in your life you could see there’s two sides of the story.” This time Iwaizumi yelled at his best friend. Hanamaki and Matsukawa remained silent.

“You are right, and thanks to you I can only listen to the cheater’s side, which I’m not interested in, go to hell.” Oikawa spat, he was no longer laying down and his breathing was heavy. 

“No, you go to hell.” 

“Both of you shut up!” Hanamaki intervened “Please just make up, you need each other, and like it or not Hajime needs us right now.”

“He is right, we are all friends but we all know that you two know each other better than anyone else.” It was Matsukawa´s turn to speak “Iwaizumi knows he fucked up and you already ignored him enough. So let’s just calm down and then we can talk, okay?” Iwaizumi and Oikawa looked at each other for a second.

“Fine by me.” 

“You have ten minutes.” Oikawa put his glasses on and propped his phone on his night stand.

 Relief ran through Iwaizumi´s body, his shoulders felt lighter for a moment. He took a deep breath and started telling everything that happened that night, how he met the girl and he kept his relationship with you secret. The ten minute mark was long forgotten, and after he finished Oikawa just sighed and stayed quiet for a moment. 

“You are still a piece of shit.” He stated. 

“I know, and I’m sorry.” 

“I’m not the one who should forgive you, you know that too.” Oikawa pushed his glasses back.

“I went to her sister’s place to talk to her and she was gone.” Hajime ran his hands through his hair repeatedly in frustration. 

“Gone?” Matsukawa questioned.

“Yes, I think she took one of the exchange offers she got last semester, but  I don’t know where she could possibly be.”  Hajime affirmed and looked at Matsukawa, defeat and sadness in his eyes. 

“I think you should get the hint and leave her alone for a while, she’ll come around, my Y/N is not one to be remorseful. Just don’t try to win her back if she does call you again.” Oikawa sighed and laid back. Staring at the ceiling he could only think about you and hope you were okay. 

“I think Oikawa is right, get the closure you need and let her go.” Matsukawa got up and walked to the kitchen. 

“And leave her alone for good.” Oikawa added, still staring at the ceiling.

“I wasn’t planning to win her back, even if I tried, she would say no.” Iwaizumi admitted.

“As she should.” Another remark from Oikawa made Hanamaki laugh.

“Cut it out, would you? I think you’ve slandered Iwaizumi enough.” The pink-haired man patted Iwaizumi’s back trying to comfort him, Hajime smiled lightly.

“And I’m not done yet, wait till I get to you, mister thigh rash.” 

“Feisty.” Matsukawa said and handed a glass of water to Iwaizumi who whispered a ‘thanks’ and took a sip. 

“You can shut up too, you two are just as bad for not telling Y/N or me.”

“In our defense, as soon we found out Hajime promised to cut the girl off.” Hanamaki explained.

“But he didn’t. We feel bad too, Y/N was our friend too.” Mattsun placed his cup on the coffee table. 

“Oi, don’t say it as if she is dead.” Iwaizumi smacked Matsukawa´s head.

“Well, we sure are dead for her. She blocked us too.” Makki lowered his head. 

 “What you guys deserve.” Oikawa yawned and shifted to lay on his side.  “I am really tired so I’m leaving, I’ll call you guys tomorrow.”

After  saying their goodbyes Iwaizumi stared at his best friend.

“Oi, Tooru.” He called and Oikawa just hummed in acknowledgment. “Thank you.” He knew he didn’t need to say anything else. 

“Yeah, yeah, now get some sleep, you look like your soul left your body. Please take care.” It was hard for Oikawa to hide his concern, but with that phrase he ended the call. 

Deep down he was glad you decided to take your time and get away from Tokyo, but he was worried about you too. It was bright outside but he felt tired, it was the guilt also weighing on him, he did nothing wrong, but still he wished he could’ve been by your side and not on the other side of the world. 

A year later…

You were going back home after graduation. It’s been a year since you left Japan to study abroad in England, and it was by far the best decision you could’ve ever made. The year passed quickly, but you travelled and met a lot of people who you considered family. 

It was sad, honestly, as much as you wanted to come back home, it was a painful reminder that you had to confront all the people you left hanging when you went away, still you had no regrets. It was a great year, you graduated and you had a job secured once you returned thanks to your professors who put a good word for you with their acquaintances and friends in Japan. “I can’t believe you have to go already.” your friend Lily whined as she dragged one of your suitcases around the airport. 

“Neither do I, this year went by so fast.” You turned around and looked at her, she was clearly trying to hold her tears back. Truth is, your roommates became your best friends and a part of you wanted to stay in London just to be with them. 

“We’re going to miss you a lot, Y/n.” Emma, your other roommate, said and hugged you from the side. 

“Hey! I am here too. Are you going to miss me?” Kuroo complained “I could use some help too.” 

“Shut up, Tetsuro.” Lily flicked his forehead playfully. 

Kuroo Tetsuro, professional instigator and one of the guys you met through the exchange program you were in. He was also one of Bokuto's best friends, it was a coincidence —definitely not Bokuto’s doing — that you met, but you were glad you did. Kuroo was the closest thing you had from home and a great friend, after all he was taking care of you like Bokuto asked him to. You studied, travelled, cried on his shoulder and had the most fun with him the past year, and you were glad you were coming back home with him. 

“I know it breaks your heart to let me go, Lily.” He said with that shit eating grin that seemed to never leave his face.

“Whatever floats your boat, big boy.” She smiled at him and hugged him. “I am going to miss you and your big mouth too.” 

“Woah, we are getting kinky over here.” He joked before Lily punched him on his side. 

“Idiot.” She muttered. More of your friends came to say goodbye and send you off, after another round of hugs and promises to call and visit you were boarding the flight with Kuroo sitting by your side.

“Finally.” He sighed and laid back on his seat with his hands behind his head. 

“Yeah, finally.” You smiled at him and waited for the plane to take off.

“So, you are working for Bokuto’s team, have you told him about it?” Kuroo asked while he reclined his seat.

“Nope, It’s a surprise. Only Akaashi knows.” You looked through the window. “I can’t believe Bokuto confessed after I left.” 

“Me neither! How am I supposed to be the best man at their wedding if I wasn’t even invited to his confession.” He tapped his fingers on his leg and stared at the buttons above his head.

“They’ve been dating for less than a year and you are already planning the wedding?” You raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m calling it right now, they are getting married three years from here.” 

“Bet?” You asked in a playful manner. 

“Bet. Loser makes a fool out of themself at the reception party.” You shook hands to seal the deal. There were almost fourteen hours left to get home, so you decided to watch a movie and then sleep for a few hours. 

Once you landed at Osaka’s airport, Bokuto and Akaashi were waiting for you at the gate. The volleyball player tackled both of you into a hug and asked a lot of questions, Akaashi just looked at his boyfriend in awe and smiled at you before welcoming you with a hug too. 

“Your sister made sure the moving company left all your boxes in your new apartment and she asked me to give you this.” He said once you let go. You see him fish into his pocket for your new keys”

“Thank you, ‘Kaashi.” You took the keys to your new house. You were excited to move to Osaka and start a new life — again—  you trusted your sister to find you a place and she did an amazing job, she found an apartment less than fifteen minutes away from your workplace. 

“Are you hungry? Let’s grab something to eat before we take you to your new place.” Bokuto threw one of  his arms around your shoulders and dragged one of your suitcases with his free hand. 

“Yes, please, we are starving.” Kuroo cried walking slightly behind with Akaashi. 

You had dinner with them and talked about your time in London, all the places you travelled to, the party tragedies and all the problems you got into with Kuroo making Bokuto and Akaashi laugh. You gave them the gifts you bought for them — a lot of thrifted books, a fancy pen and some keychains for Akaashi and a teddy bear with an ‘I love London” shirt, a hat and a phone cabin figurine for Bokuto — and had a lot to drink. Akaashi decided that it was better for you to stay the night with them since your apartment wasn’t ready yet, but you still wanted to see your new home. You opened the door and walked in hesitantly followed by your three friends.

“Fancy place.” Kuroo said after whistling in awe. The place was already furnitured, too minimalist for your liking but you were adding your touch — and a lot of indoor plants — later, the kitchen was definitely bigger than the one you had at your place in London, the high ceilings  made the place look a lot bigger. “If you ever need a roommate I’m free.” Kuroo peeked his head from what you assumed was your bedroom. 

“I rather eat dirt than sharing an apartment with you again, not after the Airbnb disaster.” You cringed at the memory of Kuroo almost setting the rented apartment on fire trying to light  a chimney. You travelled with your friends to Scotland during winter break and rented a place to stay during your time there, all of you were freezing and he offered to light the fireplace, but he forgot to mention he never in his life lighted a chimney, hence him setting one of the cushions — and part of his hair — on fire. “Oh, come on that was one time! And there’s no fireplace here.” he leaned against the wall also cringing at the memory of his burnt hair. 

“Yeah, I’m still not rooming with you.” You walked past him to look into your bedroom, he followed right after you. The bed was really big and you had a lot of storage space in the closet. The room had its own bathroom and a vanity. “I need to go plant shopping.” you entered the bathroom to take a look too. 

“Maybe you should go grocery shopping first.” You heard Akaashi enter the room. “The place is really nice, but I do agree with you, it needs a little bit of life and color.” 

“Once you start working you can get all the plants you want, Y/N, but first let’s focus on settling your stuff down.” Kuroo sat down on the bed and Akaashi hummed in agreement. They were right, you needed to unpack all of your belongings as soon as possible, your family planned to come the next day to help you out since Bokuto and Akaashi had to work and Kuroo had to take the train back to Tokyo to visit his family. You were excited to see your parents and sister, your departure was so sudden and you missed them like crazy.  Living by yourself  was terrifying for you. It was a reminder that you were alone. There was no one expecting you to come back every night, and looking back at your new bed, it was too big. ‘Stop thinking about him.’ You thought to yourself.

It was inevitable, Iwaizumi still occupied your thoughts from time to time, not as often as a year ago, but sometimes your mind drifted away and reminisced of your times with him. Like when you moved in together, your movie marathons and the nights you spent in his arms talking about the future. Ever since you went away you wondered what future he was talking about. If he wanted a life with you, why did he cheat? 

The first three months in England felt like hell, you were homesick and all the pented anger and sadness took a toll on you. For a month straight you cried yourself to sleep until your roommates noticed and asked what was going on, you told them everything one night hanging out with your friends —including Kuroo— drunk on wine. They all decided to join the “Let’s beat Iwaizumi up” club and helped you to get through the pain you were feeling at the time. You will always be grateful for them helping you forget Iwaizumi. But it wasn’t that easy. You couldn’t say you still loved him, but the aftermath of your breakup with him came with trust issues and affected the way you perceived yourself. You felt completely unworthy, like you weren’t enough and it took a lot of work and help from your friends to get past that. You deserved better, you know it now. However, the memories with him remained untouched in your head. You grew up together, he was with you in your proudest moments — funny enough, he brought you to your lowest — and it was impossible to look back without him being in the picture. 

A week after your arrival you were all set in your new apartment. Your parents and sister helped you out organizing your belongings and decorating the place. You and your mom were one and the same, she brought with her some indoor plants knowing that was your new place needed — You also went plant shopping and dragged your dad and sister with you —, your dad installed some shelfs and a security system since he was worried about you living alone far away from home and your sister went grocery shopping, organized your closet with you and gave you some tips on living alone. Bokuto and Akaashi made sure to drop by once your family went back home. “So you start working tomorrow?” Akaashi poured another glass of wine for you. 

“Yes! I’m really excited. I had a meeting with my new boss today and apparently the public relations department only has five employees. I’m surprised since it’s such a popular team.” You said and took a sip of your wine. You were working as a P.R manager for the MSBY Black Jackals thanks to your professors recommendations, although you never imagined working in the sports field but it was a great opportunity for you who just graduated college, so you took the chance and secured a job before coming back home. “When are you going to tell us which team you are working with?” Bokuto asked. “You should work for my team, my friends are really amazing.” He added, he was kind of bitter since you were working for another team and you are supposed to be his ‘super best friend’, what kind of super best friend works for a rival team? He felt betrayed to say the least.

“I’m sure, Kou, but it’s a surprise.” You giggled at your friend’s deflated state and puppy eyes.”You will see tomorrow.” You wanted to mess with him a little bit and tried to make really obvious that you were working for his team.

“How am I going to know if I’m not going to be there?” He asked in confusion, Akaashi and you shared a playful glance and then waited for it to hit him “Akaashi! What does she mean? and why are you smiling?” It took a few seconds until his jaw dropped “Wait! You are working for us?” He got up from his seat and waited for you to answer, you could only nod and laugh at his excitement, he hugged you and started talking at an unbelievable speed, telling you about his teammates and how excited he was to have you at work. “We’re going to have so much fun, Y/N!”

“Bokuto-san, we have to go, you have morning practice.” Akaashi announced trying to save you from Bokuto’s sudden energy kick, the gray haired man went back to his sad state when he heard his boyfriend’s voice saying they had to leave. You walked them to the door and held Akaashi’s arm, dragging him down enough to whisper in his ear. “Bokuto-san? Really?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“No pet names? My love, my one and only, love of my life? Nothing?” You asked in disbelief. He chuckled. “That’s none of your business, brat.” He flicked your forehead and laughed at your pained expression “Those are reserved for special occasions.” You gagged at his words and he pulled you into a hug and kissed your forehead right where he hit you before. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, ‘Kaashi, text me once you get home.” You closed the door and sighed at the sight of your empty apartment. ‘This is going to be rough.’ You thought, you couldn’t wait to start working to get away from the haunting loneliness that flooded your place.

The next morning Bokuto couldn’t be more excited, he texted you really early to wish you luck. He was really motivated during morning practice, he was energetic all the time, but you being there got him pumped up. The Jackals were currently running drills and his cross shots were exceptional. “Bokkun, you are on fire today!” Atsumu praised the wing spiker. 

“Miya is right, what got you so excited today?” Meian dried the sweat from his forehead with a towel and took a step closer to Bokuto. 

“My best friend is coming today! She just came back from London and I am really happy that she’s here!” 

“She is watching us practice?” It was Barnes’s turn to ask. Bokuto shook his head and explained. 

“She is going to work on our team as a manager!” 

“Good, we need a new one since Omi-kun scared the one we had.” Atsumu looked at Sakusa who opted to ignore him. 

“Not that kind of manager, she is going to work with Imai-san in  public relations.” Bokuto explained and sat on the floor before coach Foster came back and called the break off. 

“That’s right, Bokuto.”  a woman’s voice interrupted the chat between the players making them turn around to look at you and your boss, Imai Hideko, the MSBY Black Jackals manager and promoter. “Listen up, guys, this is Y/N L/N, she is our new Public Relations manager, I expect all of you to behave and get along with her. She is in charge of your schedules and everything that involves public appearances.” She introduced you and the team bowed as a greeting.

“I’ll introduce you!” Bokuto got up from the floor and took your hand to drag you around “This is Meian-san, our captain! He is really scary when he gets mad.” Bokuto pointed at his captain and his awkward smile that vanished as soon as it appeared. “See? Scary.” Bokuto trembled.

“Pleasure to meet you, thanks for working with us, take good care of our team.” The black haired captain greeted you. “Thank you for having me.” You greeted back before Bokuto dragged you to two extremely tall men who seemed to have a nice chat while they rested for a bit, you felt bad for interrupting their break.

“This is Oliver and Thomas, they are really strong players! Oliver-san spiked once directly to my face and I thought he broke my nose, and Thomas is one of our middle blockers, you may get along well, he speaks english too! He is always talking in english with Inu-san, where is he by the way?” Bokuto started to pull from your arm before you could even greet both players, you looked at them apologetically and they laughed, they were already used to Bokuto’s energetic personality.  “Inu-san!” Bokuto called a man from the other side of the court. 

“Hey, Bokkun! This is your friend?”

“Yes! Y/N, this is Inu-san, he always treats us to dinner and has a really cute cat! His name is meatball and he always scratches my face when he sees me.” Bokuto pouted and Inunaki giggled.

“I trained him to do it.” He said. “Shion Inunaki, pleasure to meet you.” You shook his hand and introduced yourself again, starting a small conversation about his cat until you heard someone cough behind you. 

“Oi, Bokkun, you are not going to introduce me and Omi-kun.” Another blonde haired man said. 

“You are right! Y/N, this is Tsum Tsum and the one with the mask is Omi-kun, they were scouted at the same time as me! We are like brothers.” Bokuto had a big smile on his face. ‘Omi-kun’ muttered a ‘No we are not.’ with clear disgust and walked away.

“Yeah, they are dumb, dumber and asshole.” Inunaki said, making you laugh. 

“Who 's who?” You asked. 

“Up to you.” He shrugged with a smirk and walked away. You never noticed when the guy Bokuto introduced as ‘Tsum Tsum’ stepped closer to you.

“Atsumu Miya, a press favorite.” he grinned.

He was insanely attractive, everyone in the team was but something about his hazel eyes made you look past his overly cocky attitude. His aura was definitely charming, but something inside you screamed ‘danger’, you took a step back and smiled politely. “Sure you are.” 

“Well guys, I hope you don’t cause Y/N trouble.” Hideko said, walking next to you. “She will be reviewing your schedule for the next few weeks since we are really close to starting a new season. Listen to her, and don’t be a pain in the ass, and yes Miya, I am talking about you.”

“Imai-san! What are you talking about?” Atsumu whined. 

“You know exactly what I mean, Miya.” Hideko placed her hand on her hip and rolled her eyes. 

“Thought you were a press favorite.” You giggled at the setter’s upset expression, he could only look at you, before he could say anything else, you smiled brightly catching his attention. You were beautiful, and your smile was really sweet. It was his turn to smile, this time to himself, you were refreshing and something in your presence got him hooked. Maybe the confidence you irradiated, the warmth in your smile or how you played along with his joke. 

“Thank you so much again for having me and I hope we can get our work done smoothly, I’m here to help you in case you get in trouble with the press or have any questions on your schedule.” You bowed at the team once again. 

After a small talk with coach Foster, you and Hideko left the court and went back to your new office, leaving a great first impression on the team. “Your friend is really nice, Bokkun.” Adriah said while he did his cool down stretches.

“She is the best! I’m glad you guys like her.” Bokuto took off his knee pads and started stretching on the floor too. 

“I think someone liked her way too much.” Inunaki patted Atsumu’s back as he walked past him.

“Oi, Inu-san!” Atsumu whined, he almost choked since he was drinking from his bottle when Inunaki hit him. The rest of the team laughed at him. 

“You like Y/N-chan, Tsum Tsum?” Bokuto asked. 

“No, I just met her, and leave me alone, I don’t have time for this.” Atsumu said with clear annoyance as he walked away, the team laughed again because of the fit he was throwing. It wasn’t a lie, he just met you. 

But God, did he wanted to know more about you.

(a/n: hiiii, i took too long, i know please don’t kill me :( i got stuck halfway through it but it’s here and it’s really long! to make up for my pea brain that apparently can’t function properly. anyways, SAY HI TO THE JACKALS! i’m so excited, ik it’s short but next chapter you’ll get the content you want :) as always i want to thank my betas for helping me with this chapter too! they deserve the world honestly. and thanks to all of you too! for all the support and your feedback, it’s always a appreciated. <3)

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