#has Many Thoughts about the emotional baggage she carries

[ramyeonguksu]

MMMFNFJJDDJDDJDJDJD RAMBLING IN TAGS

[dearhargrove]

could I request a fic where reader is completely inexperienced. Like she has never even kissed a boy before. And also maybe she has had awful past experiences with s€x as well, whatever you feel most comfortable writing of course. And so she feels very shy around Billy (they already are in a relationship) and she admits that to him ? Or maybe he figures it out on his own. Whatever you prefer. And he is being super sweet and patient with her and letting her take baby steps.

Inexperienced

Billy Hargrove x fem!reader

summary You loved him and you were sure of it. He was sweet, romantic and respectful (if he wanted to). Yes, he came with trauma and emotional baggage, but he tried his best. So why was it so hard to forget your inexperience and kiss him?

word count 600

tags reader feeling nervous and being scared, Billy is sweet in this one !

a/n I’m sorry for taking so long! Life’s kinda crazy right now.. also just haven’t been feeling the best about myself and everything so I couldn’t find motivation 🫠 I didn’t wanna half ass this but I think I did anyway. I’m really sorry <3

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He had noticed. Of course he had - and you knew. It made you nervous, knowing that he knew. You were inexperienced. You’d never been in a relationship before him, you hadn’t even kissed anyone yet.

Which made it hard to be intimate with him in any way; even a kiss made you turn your head so it would land on your cheek instead.

It wasn’t because you didn’t want to, you were scared. What if you were bad at it? He had a lot of experience - what if you wouldn’t compare? There were so many doubts swarming in your head at the mere thought of kissing him.

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust him because you did. It was yourself you didn’t trust. What if he ended up being disappointed by you?

Your nervousness mixed with your inexperience whenever you even just thought about doing something with him.

You anxiously pull at a loose thread on your knitted sweater, unraveling a few more threads in the process. Before you can continue pulling on your sweater a hand covers yours.

“Don’t do that, you’ll regret it later, babe,” Billy reminds in between a drag of his cigarette. You smile a little shakily and nod, “Yeah- yeah, you’re right.”

“What’re you thinking about anyway? You’re never this quiet,” he drawls and flicks the cigarette out of the car window and onto the street. You eye him quickly and shrug, deciding not to tell him.

He turns his body to the side and looks at you fully, “What’s going on?” You bite your lip and weigh your options. Telling him would help you overcome your fears and maybe even kiss him - finally.

But he could also be weirded out at the kind of things you were so thoughtful about.

“Jus’ tell me, pretty. Not gon’ be mad or anything,” he rasps and you look at him, directly into his eyes. “Uhm…” you start and look back out the window instead before continuing, “I want to kiss you.”

He makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat but lets you finish what you wanted to say.

“But like, I have no idea how to..? And I don’t wanna disappoint you cuz you got all this experience and I don’t-“

You’re interrupted when his hand gently clasps your chin and pulls you close to his face. He presses a kiss to your chin and shushes you, “I couldn’t care less. Worst case, I’ll teach you.”

He mumbles against your cheek all while holding eye contact. Your skin rises in goosebumps and you blink slowly before managing a small nod. He takes it and leans in, pressing his lips to yours.

It’s unlike you would’ve expected and in some way it’s just a kiss but in another way it’s so much more. It means the world to you how patient he was readily being and the emotions this carries.

When he pulls back he has a smirk on his face, “You practiced with sum?” He teases and you slap his shoulder with a laugh.

[skaruresonic]

Silent Hill 2 critically examines and challenges many of our presupposed notions of gender roles, marriage, and the nuclear family unit. The game would not resonate as hard as it does if James and Mary were not married, because marriage carries with it a heavy emotional and cultural baggage.

In this post, I'm going to talk about cultural misogyny, how it's woven into the narrative. Apologies if it's not very well-structured, since I'll be offering my thoughts on an off-the-cuff basis.

The misogyny SH2 explores is a lot subtler and more structural in nature than is portrayed in the remake. While the remake is more blatant and not nearly critical enough of its portrayal of James as a more stereotypical hero, the original attacks the very premise that it's necessarily "wrong" for a woman to lose her worth via a loss of physical beauty, and that a man needs to perform the role of "protector" at the cost of being considered a failure.

To that end, I think some vital nuance is lost when the remake recharacterizes James as a more typical rugged Stronk Man, stoic and impatient, egotistical, and way more prone to violence than his original counterpart.

Original!James runs from his problems whenever possible. What's more, his cowardice serves a thematic purpose of showing us that even well-intentioned "nice guys" can be misogynistic. Because, again, the misogynistic framework that upholds Western constructs of marriage and family is structural, not individual.

James cannot meet any of the girls or women he meets in the eye whenever they castigate him. This in and of itself challenges the notion that James ought to be "in charge" of any of them.

Maria's emasculation starts early, and it doesn't really let up, resulting in James' mixed feelings of arousal and repulsion.

Angela, likewise, rejects being considered an object of pity, for pity implies condescension. James cannot save her by white-knighting her problems.

James initially feels compelled to "protect" Laura as a presumed damsel in distress when, ironically enough, she's the safest of anyone in Silent Hill. In fact, she places James in the position of "damsel in distress" by locking him in a room full of monsters.

This is a game where the women lead and James follows: a gendered frustration embodied by Pyramid Head, who cannot be placated, only fled.

It's no coincidence that most of the monsters you encounter are feminine in nature - rather helpless, sickly, and pathetic at that - while the one monster you cannot beat into submission is an intense expression of hypermasculinity.

Unlike James, whose emotions render him "less than" in the eyes of a patriarchal culture, Pyramid Head is stoic and never speaks. Pyramid Head is powerful and virile. Pyramid Head does not succumb to grief or suffer feelings of guilt for his misdeeds. Pyramid Head is a lone wolf that relies on no one else. Pyramid Head is "strong" enough to carry the psychological burden represented by the Great Knife with ease.

Although some degree of sexual frustration does factor in here, it's not the only message Team Silent were trying to impart via the monster dynamics. Pyramid Head is repeatedly seen dominating and subjugating the more "feminine" monsters. It doesn't take much onion-peeling here to see that James is harboring some subconscious grudges over his "failings" to meet society's standards of what a man is supposed to be like.

He isn't strong: he can't open a fridge without Maria's help. He isn't powerful: reading all the medical textbooks he could didn't save Mary. He isn't courageous: he can hardly look Maria or Angela in the eye when they force him to confront uncomfortable truths. He isn't, even, particularly respected at times: Laura locks him in a room just to laugh at him. The only person he has a leg up on is Eddie, but after a brutal shootout in a literal meat locker: one of the many implications being that this kind of pressure to be considered "real men" can potentially turn human beings into butchers for a sliver of domination.

For all intents and purposes, James is a "failed" man, just as Mary is a "failed" woman. By falling ill and losing her sexual allure, she failed to meet the culturally-ingrained expectations of a wife.

It's worth noting that both Mary and James hold these expectations and biases without realizing it. It's simply more obvious in James' psyche because we see the manifestations firsthand.

But Mary holds these values to be self-evident, too, when she laments that between the disease and the drugs, she looks "like a monster." Because patriarchy has taught her that a woman's worth lies in her looks, she laments the loss of her beauty to disease; she becomes worthless, "undeserving" of flowers (that is to say, basic decency on her husband's part).

She even laments being "ugly" and "disgusting" James in her last letter to him, as if she's failed him somehow through contracting an illness she never asked for.

Although the statistic that men divorce their wives if their wives fall ill is not necessarily true, it is true that women, as the presumed caretakers of the family, tend to survive at rates less than men if they do fall terminally ill due to a lack of support system.

We further see the mother's failure when Angela admits that her own mother said she (Angela) deserved her rape at her father's hands.

Furthermore, these gendered themes are expressed through the game's treatment of Maria. As a sentient entity born from James' selfish wishes, Maria lies trapped in an existentially horrifying state: objectification.

It's interesting that Maria professes interests and dislikes in Born from a Wish and early in Letter From Silent Heaven - in the former, she confesses that she's not much for literature, and in the latter, she opines "I hate bowling" - but slowly loses her individuality as time goes on. In addition, Maria stops insisting she's "real" and starts insisting that she can be whatever James wants her to be.

Eventually, she assumes Mary's voice and face (despite James having already noted that she bears an uncanny resemblance to Mary because of her face and voice) out of a false hope that doing so will ingratiate her to a man who doesn't want her.

Maria does not live for herself but owes her existence to a man. She becomes anything James needs her to be: a lesson taught when she dies; bait on a hook when she attempts to seduce him; even a version of his dead wife that will "never yell at [him] or make [him] feel bad." She bears Mary's face and voice, but not much else. Her thoughts and feelings ultimately do not matter because she is "not Mary."

Maria is treated like an object, despite being flesh and blood, and she has internalized this, displaying an unnerving willingness to contort herself in whatever shape necessary to keep James, for, again, without James she would not exist. When James states that he no longer needs her, she cries, "How can you throw me away?"

All of these things form the overarching reason why the renewed prioritization of combat disturbs me. It's almost like the remake is saying that violence is justified, but more specifically, the kind of gendered violence that culminated in James smothering his terminally-ill wife. Making combat "satisfying" defeats the point that combat shouldn't be a reward for violence.

Making the monsters extra aggressive so that combat is "provoked" and therefore justified, in fact, hits uncomfortably close to the nerve of "she brought it on herself." The idea that Mannequins now bumrush you when in the original, they only moved once perceived, allows the player to ignore how James must go out of his way to commit violence.

James, likewise, going "You're not here anymore" in the In Water ending does not bode well for his respect for Mary as a person, if he thinks his duty to her memory stops the moment her heart does.

In addition, Remake!James is more egotistical and entitled than Original!James.

While this may not inherently be a problem, I feel this has the potential to have audiences let James off the hook in a sort of Calvinist way. By dismissing his poor judgment and misdeeds as a result of his gender. "Oh, he was always an asshole, he deserves whatever he gets," rather than the more salient question, "What would we do in his situation? How could we restructure the ways we think about marriage, family, and gender roles so that the vulnerable don't slip through the cracks?"

As I've noted in previous posts, Remake!James' speech patterns reflect a more self-centered nature. When he tells Angela that his goal is to find Mary following Angela's emotional breakdown, he frames it as though Mary is his possession:

Notice how his priority is protecting his self-image as a good person and not in comforting Angela or trying to defuse the situation, like in the original.

Remake!James be like "Listen here, you audacious bitch, I don't know who you think I am, but I'm #notlikeallmen. I just want to get my wife back. 😤"

[lostsometime]

Hrm hrm today I’m having thoughts about Kuina and her overwhelming Lost Boy vibes and how like. You NEVER GET Lost Girls like that. Narratively, she is The Girl Who Didn’t Grow Up. She will always be eleven and perfect, immortalized in memory. In Zoro’s mind, she is forever just a little bit older and a little bit taller than him. Even now when he remembers her, he pictures her face from an upward angle. She will ALWAYS be “older” and yet she will NEVER be more than eleven. I want to know what was happening in Zoro’s head when he turned 12 and realized he was older than she would ever get to be. I just. All the vibes, give them to me. This is one of the things that just gets me every fucking time!!!

(Sabo is also positioned like this, and is a fairly straightforward example up until it gets subverted by him ACTUALLY GROWING UP. Sabo is what happens when the lost boy grows up and it’s fucking FASCINATING.)

I think the key thing is, in order to be a "lost boy" narrative and not just a tragically dead child character, there needs to have been an expectation of greatness. It's not that little girls don't die in fiction, or that they aren't mourned. But this particular type of narrative emphasizes the specific grief of the loss of incredible potential, which isn't a thing dead little girl characters usually get. They're usually narratives about the loss of innocence or the fragility of life and the injustice of mortality, and Kuina has a little of that - how unfair it is for her life to be cut short. But it's also the bit of, if you'll let me get lyrical for a moment, you could have done so much more if you only had time.

as people grow up, one of the things we have to deal with is the loss of the possibilities of what we could have been, because we can only become one of our possible selves. Even if you become great, even if you're happy, even if you made the best possible choice, you still have to make that decision that to become this I must give up on becoming that. Lost Boys don't ever get to become, so they are enshrined with all that potential still in them. All of the people they could have been, all of the paths they might have taken.

(A thing that drives me crazy: balancing the grief of growing up with the grief of not-growing-up. The tragedy of becoming and the tragedy of never getting to become. The dozens of ghosts of possible selves that every adult carries around with them. Not relevant to the current discussion, but still, a thing to think about!)

There's also the fact that she gets set up with a projected character arc - we can see how she might've grown and dealt with her insecurities and overcome the obstacles in her path, but she'll never get to do it. And Zoro can take their shared dream on himself and make that his responsibility, but he can't resolve her emotional baggage for her, because that's not how that works. And we don't know! Maybe she wouldn't ever have managed it! But Kuina-the-confident-adult is just one of the many possible people she'll never get to be.

[loveforallthatisforgotten]

2:51 a.m:

Imagine being an old lover of Toji’s.

Long before he ever married and became a father.

The two of you were far from perfect, yet you loved each other with as much certainty as your naive hearts would allow.

First love, a gruelling title you carry with malice.

Toji was everything to you back then, and he still is in a way unique to him.

The time the two of you shared was not as short as it was fast.

The years sped by. One minute he was an awkward teen surrendering to the mercy of his love for you, the next he was an antagonistic symbol of regret.

You never forget your first love, they say.

Yet you buried the memories of yours in the crevices of your soul, or tried to at least.

The news of his marriage was a shock to you.

Sure you had moved on from him, but the young girl inside of you was still cursing the gods, daring them to hurt him how he hurt her.

Nonetheless, you turned a blind eye to the ache in your chest, silencing the screams of the young girl.

The years continued to fly by, still too fast for your liking.

You lived a monotonous life, never quite content and too exhausted to submit to misery.

After many lovers and a failed engagement, you found yourself at a cross road. You were getting older.

By the time you turned 30, you had given up on the idea of a family, not wanting to risk bestowing the cruelty of the Jujutsu world upon them. For a brief moment, your thoughts wandered to a place familiarly foreign. Toji.

Even if a decade had passed, you could never forget about him for he was the one who taught you what love was.

He proved to you that love was not merciful but instead ruthless. And that envy leaves much to be desired.

You envied her, his wife.

She was beautiful, not tainted by the bloodshed of your world.

She looked loving, if that was even possible.

But the past should remain in the past, and it did. Your first love did not cross your mind again for nearly another decade.

40 looked good on you, according to a certain white haired someone that is.

Regret was the only feeling constantly present in your life now. You wanted a family, to give love and ask of nothing in return. Yet ironically, your life seemed cursed by the despair brought forward by time.

It was on a particularly painful night that your first love crossed your mind once again. However unlike previous instances, you could see him vividly.

The dark figure looming over you brought back all the emotions of your youth.

He had changed and you wished you could say it was for the better.

But that doesn’t matter to you. Especially not when the man who crushed your dreams without even knowing was less than five feet away from you.

You give him a smile. The melancholy radiating off of you caressing him in the ways you wish you could have yourself.

The pain is overwhelming, you are drowning in a burning sea with no option but to try and stay afloat.

His eyes are burned into the back of your mind and there are tears welling in your own.

Before he has the chance to speak, you duck your head and walk past him as though he was no more than a mere figment of your past.

You miss the look of sorrow that shoots across the older man’s face. The memories of your relationship flash through his mind and leave him with questions that will never get the chance to be answered.

Toji always prided himself in being selfish yet he ignored the screaming urge to run after you and rekindle even a sliver of what you once shared.

You wouldn’t want him and the baggage that keeps him prisoner. For heavens sake, he has a kid, he doubts you would want a family at this age.

With a heavy heart, Toji walks away and doesn’t look back. His hands feel dry, but he knows they are soaked in blood. For the second time in his life, he kills you.

Your first love leaves once again. Fleeting, the only consistency in your life.

When you get home you seek comfort in cheap wine and attempt to erase any thoughts of the brooding man.

Feeling left behind never gets easier. But lord does it get more tragic.

Becuase your first lover never dies, it kills

[nightwonder7]

the thought of a Ghost AU hug pile after Alice finally opens up to them and starts coming to with her own hard past with their help has me in shambles ;u;

another note though...how would the double identities work? would it be kind of like the ghosts can change forms or one personality takes over the other? Two separate ghosts who need to do different things before being put to rest?

and another question(s) that popped into my mind while writing this was: What is the requirement for releasing a ghost? What if said thing is really hard to do, like burning something precious? Or what if the first time it happens by accident and Alice & ghost Co don't even get to really say goodbye? 😭

HHHHHHHhhhHHHhhhh that is so wholesome! ;O; I can see the ghosts starting to notice that she becomes overly diligent in her work. To the point it is concerning, for she is staying up late for many nights studying the files and becomes too upset at every set-back. It's no longer about emptying the manor of ghosts so she can have her peaceful home back.

The ghosts doing some sort of intervention and want to know why she is wearing herself down like that (over the time they had known each other, they have started to care more for each other). Alice then tells them that she feels that it is her responsibility to help them and shares some of her past. For if she fails to help them, then she breaks the promise she made to herself that she would help others no matter what. All stemming from the emotional baggage of her parents' demise. The ghosts are the first ones she openly talks about her troubled past with. Que the group hug and words of reassurance ;u; Even though they can't really touch her fdghsjfks it'll be like an air hug XD A cold one...

----

I'm glad you asked! So the hunter form of those with double identities is actually a sort of corrupted form of their spirit, facilitated by the curse. Some are more susceptible than others to the mysterious power that veils the manor, and thus their unresolved trauma manifest in peculiar ways. This comes to play especially during events of strong emotions, such as when they start remembering their trauma. In these forms the ghosts are dangerously strong and can cause actual physical harm and destruction; much more so than the ghosts who don't possess this form.

In order to quell a ghost that has been corrupted, one must try and anchor them back down to earth. They are in a state of chaos and pain, and the only way to anchor them down is to first get their attention and make them listen. Then have them focus on something and slowly pull them out of chaos little by little with words. One thing that can help here is to use an item that holds significance to the ghost; something that is associated to a good or peaceful memory. Or something sentimental. For Joker; perhaps Margaretha's music box or a daisy? For Luchino; something related to his research like his papers or specimens? For Orpheus; something related to his childhood such as the stories he used to write and the doll. For Norton; the coin he carries around. For Mike; a piece of the circus.

It is a dangerous task, but once they calm down, they are able to get out of their corrupted form. This ghosts are still able to slip back into these forms again if they don't resolve their unfinished business.

----

So the curse is multilayered, protected by each of the ghosts' personal bindings. All of them need to be broken individually before the curse can be lifted. Once that is done, all the ghosts will be released simultaneously. So fortunately, none of them will slip away spontaneously ;u; Aaaahhhh but the thought though! 😭

The key to each binding is a little different from one another. All of them need to remember how they died and the trauma that first brought them to the manor and come to terms with it. Some of them also require tending to unfinished businesses in order to get closure. It can be to find out what happened to a loved one, finishing a piece of work, or, as you said, destroy something. It is for Alice and the ghosts to figure out what needs to be done. Pff imagine in order to break Matthias' binding, Alice needs to destroy Louis, but no matter what she does to that puppet, it just comes back again in mint condition XD

[theheirofthesharingan]

Hi, do you think if there had been no Uchiha massacre, Sasuke would have married Sakura anyway?

Short answer: no.

Detailed answer below the cut. Anti-SS.

Sasuke was a very family-oriented person before the massacre and spent all his time with his parents, at the Academy, training, or with Itachi. He had no desire to make any connections outside of his family circle. At best he would definitely make some friends, but that too most likely be from the Uchiha clan.

In canon, Sasuke felt no love towards Sakura, not until the end of manga, not even after that in Boruto. He has never loved Sakura.

In case of no massacre, Sasuke would be surrounded by his family, and even with Fugaku being kind of neglectful dad, he would have a strong support system in form of Mikoto and Itachi. If there's no stigma attached to homosexuality in the Narutoverse, I strongly believe Itachi and Mikoto would definitely have approved of Naruto. Sasuke shows genuine feelings towards him, no matter the circumstance.

Sakura has never been important to Sasuke. In canon he married her not because he loved her, but because after fighting his whole life for one reason or another, he was exhausted eventually. He wanted to embrace a darker path to honour Itachi's life, but it would be self-destructive, no matter how you look at it. Feeding and living with this kind of darkness and pain is mentally and emotionally jarring.

When he lost to Naruto at the VOTE2, he was moved to tears that Naruto hadn't given up on him, even when everyone else did. And that guilt branched out to everyone he had "wronged", Sakura included. Not returning someone's feelings isn't wrong. He wasn't obliged to do it. Amongst the many factors SS exists are his guilt and no support from the people who should be by his side.

For Sasuke to like Sakura or even marry her willingly, she would have to be a different person. Thoughtful, understanding him, rather than the fangirl infatuated with a celebrity. Her love was all about her, not him. Ever. There's a reason he felt no affection towards her.

If there was no massacre why would he have to feel guilty for all the things he didn't do? Without any of the emotional baggage he carries in canon, no way he would pay much attention to Sakura, who slips into her fangirl mode as soon as she sees him.

[carmenized-onions]

I love it. Chicago’s Kindest. The symbolism. Ugh the food symbolism. The fucking FOOD SYMBOLISM!!! The basil, the cherries, I can’t I literally can’t. David actually (sort of) liking the food because he didn’t try to be perfect he just did it because he loved making it for her because he lo- lov- loves her…! 🥹

Truly I lost my mind in the greatest way possible. Thank you for writing this. If I could give you a consensual kissy smooch on the forehead I would

Not to mention that David liked the food he also wanted her number. The way she reflects Carmen’s food and how well he does it is soooooo

The way David actually liked the food but didn’t want to show it but still technically showed it when asking for her number. (Because she and his food are one and the same). The way Carmen protected her by not giving her number out. And vice versa protecting himself UGH (I’m gonna be sick in the best way possible)

(Also they should’ve fucked in the bathroom)

First of all, it will never not make me laugh reading back people's reviews of Don't Say It and so many of them being like wow, this is so beautiful, i'm so happy for their emotionally intimate relationship and the intricate ways in which they both externally and internally show they care for each other.

and they always at one point or another say

also he should have railed her <3

absolute DOGS you lot !!! nah, kidding. I didn't even expect them to smooch at all going into it. But then the man was very nice and there were very few ways for Tony to show appreciation. BUT IT'S HARD TO FUCK HARD WHEN YOU'RE BOTH VISIBLY TEAR STREAKED IN THE TRAUMA DUMP BATHROOM YKNOW???

But on to your fucking actual thoughts. Christ. I lo-lo-love writing food symbolism man!! I love writing cherries into fucking everything now. Smooch your screen I promise I'll feel it. I feel the emotional smooch in my heart.

THE DAVID ANALYSIS IS SO INTERESTING, BECAUSE I DID INTEND THIS VIBE IN A SENSE, BUT YOU EXTENDED ON IT SO MUCH MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT.

This is like that one Jordan Peele QnA where a viewer was like 'it was crazy in Get Out the way you segregated the fruit loops from the milk as a metaphor for her racism' and he went 'that's so cool. i did just do that because i thought eating dry cereal and drinking milk was the act of a psychopath'.

Like, I did want the David number thing to be an implication of approval because like you said, he can't just fucking SAY it it's fucking DAVID!! But going a step further to say Chip just IS Carmen's food, in essence,,,, oooofhfodjooh!!!!! thoughts!!! the thoughts are thoughting!!!

VERY much so when Carmen went on his insane bitch journey in New York it was an act of protecting himself as much as it was Chip. I noodled on it while writing Two Steps Back, but inevitably cut it--- Initially though, when writing Carmen's thoughts on giving your number, it was going to be riddled with insecurity on the subject that like. Hey maybe you should give david her number. He's competent and he wakes up on time and he has stars and he's not carrying an overwhelming amount of baggage.

This was eventually ditched as I thought longer on it and Carmen Compartmentalizes Berzatto, to me, would just opt to simply not even think about it. Just walled it off. my poor boy. if he simply fucked in a bathroom he would probably feel better.

ALWAYS GOTTA END ON A CALL BACK FOLKS!!!

[golden-flute]

No one asked for my opinion on The Sun and the Star, but I’ve been thinking of nothing else since I finished the book, and I have to write my thoughts or I will explode, lol.

Fair warning: Spoilers and long-ass thought dump ahead.

Gif Originally posted by riptides

On the Themes

I picked out a few different themes that I found carried through the book:

Self-acceptance

Living with trauma

Embracing change

What healing looks like

I thought they were brilliantly approached because there was a lot of nuance for each theme. Particularly when you consider that these are pretty heavy topics for middle-reader age groups!

The biggest theme directly relating to Nico was this idea that it's possible to embrace your trauma, to accept it, and to grow around it. In his case, it's literal, with the Cocoa Puffs hanging around him now like a little parade of Walmart Ghibli Sootballs, lol.

I think that Nico was working through his trauma well before he ever heard the prophecy. The fact that he was able to accept his darkness so easily once Nyx forced him to confront it was more a mark of how far he'd already progressed than it was a big moment where he was suddenly magically healed from all of his baggage. The entire purpose of the Cocoa Puffs was to act as a physical representation of Nico's existing trauma. They will always be a part of him, but they don't define him. He's simply accepted them and freed himself from them without avoiding the fact that they'll still be there. That's such a healthy place to be, particularly because I think a lot of people tend to fall into the same trap of toxic positivity that Will did....

Many people who are natural healers and problem-solvers often fail to realize that being healed doesn't always mean that pain has totally been eradicated, hurray. In their minds, there's always some way to fix broken people. And I think that's why Will's conversation with Persephone was so important for his growth. I think he always saw Nico as someone who needed to be fixed, and to Will, that meant that Nico must hide from his trauma, or ignore it. Will's story arc centered around his acceptance that he can't (and shouldn't) always try to heal people "his way." With Nico, he had to get on his level, see him, and accept his pain. I've known people in my life who tend to avoid negative emotions because they think it's totally bad. But hiding from the pain can often make it worse. Darkness only grows stronger in the shadows, after all.

Nico and Will's internal journeys were two sides of the same coin in that respect. I loved it. Nico was ready to accept his trauma, but in a way, Will had to accept it too.

By the time they reach Nyx, these internal struggles had been mostly resolved and simply need to have their big final moment to totally hit home. But there's another kind-of-subtle-but-also-not theme for Nyx that ingeniously ties into the idea of questioning gender and sexuality. Nyx sees things as black and white. Even her own children, who are more than their labels, have to fit into these perfect molds in her mind. She's the BBEG because she struggles to change or to accept others changing around her. Talk about a heavy topic, right? But then at the end of the book, this idea of change is also beautifully encapsulated in Nico and Piper's discussion about sexuality labels. Particularly from Piper's perspective, since she's still figuring herself out and just going with what feels right in the moment. People are beautifully complex creatures who are capable of being something new every day.

On Characterization

Over the years, I've discovered that I gravitate toward the reformed, darker characters--the gloomy cinnamon rolls, if you will. Nico. Laudna and Caleb from Critical Role. Hunter in the Owl House. Zuko. Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Riku from Kingdom Hearts. So on and so forth. Something about their stories is so compelling to me. Perhaps seeing them overcome their own trials is a symbol that light comes after darkness, which is a message I have clung to my entire life, because it gives me hope for myself. And that’s exactly one of the messages I got from TSATS. This time, it was Nico’s turn for a reprieve from his trauma.

Y'all. Nico's a fucking NERD. The moment we met him as a little kid, he was talking everyone's ears off about Mythomagic, and he revealed he had a pirate phase and... yeah, he's just a nerd. His carefree personality took a huge nosedive after Bianca was killed, and then he became this unrecognizable dark creature of vengeance. I know some folks felt that he was really out of character in TSATS, but I find the shift just harkens back to the themes of change. Nico's transforming before our eyes, guys. Though Apollo's series and into TSATS, he's come to a place of peace where he could let go of his anger and his darkness... or at least accept them. And that's given him the space he needed to kind of get back on an even keel. He's finally able to return to his natural progression as a hyperactive dork. That's what we saw in TSATS and I loved it so much for him.

I found Will's progression really interesting as well. He's always been seen as the intrepid healer with a sometimes-literal glowing halo around him. In this story, the tables were turned and he had to accept that he needed support sometimes too. But more than that, this is the first time we've really gotten inside Will's head. We've only ever really seen him from the perspective of Nico (his admirer) and Apollo (his affectionate father). But this time, we were able to get Will's thoughts, and he's... not as perfect as we expected. And I love it. No one is perfect, and I think that in the absence of more information on Will, people sort of developed headcanons of him that understandably made the TSATS version of him a bit jarring. But if he were this perfect pariah of a character, that would hardly be interesting. I really enjoyed that in the first half, he spent so much time complaining about the Underworld, because it just meant there were some lessons for him to learn as well. He's complex, just like the rest of the PJO cast.

Other Incongruent Thoughts

Guys, I'm dead. When we finally heard the fated prophecy, I was... really underwhelmed. It didn't feel like it was literarily as impressive in the same way the other prophecies had been. It just... wasn't very good poetry. But then Dionysus criticized the rhyme structure and called it "a bit forced" and I was like "Hang on..." Come to find out, Hades made up the prophecy to get Nico to go save Bob! Can you just imagine Hades sitting at a desk, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper, writing bad poetry that's convincing enough to get Nico off his butt and into Tartarus? I'm deceased.

The reunion between Nico, Maria, and Bianca BROKE me, y'all. I was full-on sobbing and my eyes were swollen this morning when I woke up. I was confused by how they were there, since past books said that they'd "moved on," insinuating they'd tried for rebirth. But I saw another post someone made about how Hades (or Bianca?) mentioned that they were the barest of essences remaining. I'm not saying it very well, but it made a lot more sense, and I hadn't caught that insinuation in my read-through. But I absolutely loved that we didn't get this reunion until after Nico had already accepted his trauma. If this meeting had come before, I'm sure he would have fought to "save" his mom and sister--I mean, he even says it in the book. But by that point, all he needed was to say his piece and get some closure, and that was enough for him. It was a mark of how much he's grown, and I just... *chef's kiss*

I love Hades. He's genuinely a good dad. Well... sort of. Maybe not at the beginning of PJO. But he, too, is changing his ways and taking more of an interest in his children. Or at least Nico. I wonder if we'll ever get more Hazel/Hades content? But Nico pretty much confirmed that Hades was around when he was a kid, and Hazel said the same thing in a previous book, which is more than pretty much every other demigod can say, so there you go. By Olympian standards, Hades deserves that #1 Dad mug.

I was really surprised that it took over half the book for Nico and Will to make it to Tartarus! Don't get me wrong, there was still plenty going on, but I was so used to the idea of Percy and Annabeth dropping in at chapter 2, it surprised me!

Anyone else peep the really big typo on page 401 of the US hardcover? "My mother is Bianca di Angelo, and she loved me and my sister." I stared at that for a long time last night wondering if I was going crazy, lolol. From what I've heard, the typo has already been fixed on the kindle version of the book, but those of us with physical copies have got the OG mistake. Whoops, lol!

I'm having a hard time discerning if the "'Dam it,' said Nico." on page 352 is a typo or not, for the pure and simple reason that there were so many dam jokes in PJO. And somewhere else in the book, Nico actually says "Damn," so... was it a typo? The 'dam' joke didn't really have a purpose for being there, and it wasn't repeated later, so I feel more like it might have been another typo?

We got a little Percy and Annabeth action! And Sally and Estelle! I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that Percy and Annabeth had already forgotten about Bob. Especially since Percy's whole growth in the House of Hades was to realize how many people he'd left behind. I never expected them to join Nico and Will in their Tartarus journey, but they apparently brushed him off so fast I got whiplash! What was that about? I wonder if we'll get more on that in the short story that comes out later this year?

We got a little mention of Damasen in this story as well, and obviously if he hasn't regenerated yet, there wasn't much they could do for him. But... I'm surprised that Percy and Annabeth didn't mention him or ask Nico to keep an eye out for him as well because he was there at the Doors of Death, making the same sacrifice as Bob. Will there be another Tartarus rescue mission in the future? Nemesis told Nico that any future journies into Tartarus would be unsuccessful. While I feel like it's unlikely we'll get any more Tartarus field trips, those little asides made me wonder if Rick Riordan's got more ideas floating around that he wanted to leave open for later, just in case.

They used the words gay, bisexual, and lesbian! I don't think this book series has ever done that before! I have a sneaking suspicion that this was part of Mark's contribution to the book. RR usually tends to talk around those words--he'll make it obvious, like when Apollo talked about his love for Hyacinthus, but I don't think Apollo ever actually used the word bisexual to describe himself (correct me if I'm wrong). I think that it was a really good step forward for children's literature. If you're going in, go all in, you know?

Lil Nas X made an unbelievable appearance! Lol! Though I have to admit, the inconsistency of the timeline of references sometimes gets me. Like many books ago, some character probably dropped a reference from ten years ago, and a year or two in book time, we get a Montero reference. Like, it's a small nitpick, but that inconsistency always pulls me out of the story a bit. Yeah, you heard right--I'm totally fine with the issues everyone else had with the books, but the weird timeline of references messes with me, lol. That's where I draw the line! That's not the say the Lil Nas X reference wasn't spectacular, though, lol.

Do I... like Mr. D now? I love Dionysus from the mythologies, but Mr. D was always so... blegh. But he's like legit a decent person to Nico. He shared his popcorn! That. Was. HUGE. Hahaha.

We finally got the full scoop on Nico's first trip to Tartarus!

The nickname "Night-Light" is endlessly adorable. And then Will ruins it by turning around and calling Nico "Death Boy" lol.

The trogs were never my favorite mythological creature ever, but they grew on me in this story.

So... Menoetes and Geryon, huh? Menyon? Geroetes? What's our ship name? Lol.

Will having the hots for Persephone was not on my bingo card, lol! I did really enjoy their talk, though. It really set up Will's character arc very nicely. And I loved that Persephone seems to be taking a leaf out of Hades' book and trying to be a bit kinder towards her stepchildren. It's not their fault, you know?

I'm seeing a lot of reactions to Nico's coming out story. I agree, that's one part I felt was a little bit forced. Introverted people can have moments where they're feeling brave and don't mind an audience (Hi, I'm exhibit A), I wouldn't say it's out of character per se. But it was a little bit... shall we say out of context? Since we didn't get the actual scene, but Nico and Will's recollection of it?

I really liked Gorgyra. The random chapters of stories from Nico and Will kind of jarred me a bit, but I think they were a nice touch, but would have been too much if they'd all been told chronologically. I agree with Rick and Mark's decision to split those up.

Amphithemis was a trip! I wish we could have lingered a bit more on Nico being upset at Will for tricking him away. I was glad that Nico at least asked Hades to free Amphithemis.

I saw some complaints that Nico and Will were super cringey around one another. To that, and as someone who's ace, I say... most couples are cringey around each other, particularly young couples. Nico and Will are still feeling out their relationship, and they don't have the years of friendship that Percy and Annabeth had that made their relationship so easygoing. I think Nico and Will's relationship is a bit more realistic in terms of first loves.

I loved the frank conversations about PTSD. I eat stuff like that up, because when I read it, I can just imagine someone else who really needs that sort of representation reading this book and finding comfort in characters like them.

And I'm literally out of space. I had no idea Tumblr had a character limit, but I hit it, lol. But if you got this far, thanks for reading!

[pvremichigan]

I've been thinking about the post I made yesterday so I wanna dump thoughts about Mich and ships here.

Mich is tough to ship with. She is not an easy target. Here's why.

Mich does not fall for anyone first. She may become infatuated with someone, but she'll only truly like someone if they end up liking her first. She avoids those feelings because she'd rather it not be on sided. She doesn't want to be vulnerable like that, not alone. It's extremely rare for her to like someone first, and she's pretty oblivious to people genuinely taking interest in her because people use flirts with her all the time. She just assumes you want something from her. Especially something she's not willing to give if she's not dating you.

She needs a lot of time and patience. She has a lot of emotional baggage and issues with past relationships. She's not the type to handle breakups well, and she's now very guarded when it comes to romance.

She's a very jealous person. Not clingy, she gives as much freedom as her partner wants, but she doesn't trust other women unless they make it obvious they aren't looking to be an issue. She's been cheated on before and she isn't stupid.

She has rage issues and doesn't know how to handle emotions well. Everything gets converted into anger because she can't sort her own feelings out fast enough. Sometimes she can use that to her advantage, but most other times it becomes a burden on her.

Among other reasons, these are the core reasons why she's a tough one to ship with. Not to mention she's pretty demiromantic/demisexual. But it doesn't mean she hates love. She's a character that loves with her whole heart. Platonic, familial, romantic, and - if she's in a relationship since she personally doesn't like sleeping around - sexually. She'll even show love to an enemy so long as they deserve it.

If she gets to know your muse well enough, their past, their goals, their ideals, and some of who they truly are behind the mask, she will show them love that they deserve. The small things, the bigger things, whatever it takes. She's a very loving muse.

Hell, her goal in her life is to live a calm and peaceful life whilst married with maybe some animals since she can't have kids - or hell even adoption! But she fears that her life has taken too many wrong turns and she'll never be able to reach that goal.

When I say that it takes a long time to ship with her, it doesn't mean it has to take literal years. It could be months, or even within a month! The time never matters, it's about the mutual work towards the goal. She learns about the other person, the person learns about her, and situations are assessed.

All this being said, her love languages are Physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. She needs the reassurance, she's affection starved, she needs the time to really bond with someone. She can't be too careful about any of this, this isn't something she takes lightly. She doesn't date freely, she isn't the type to have a one night stand. When she dates, she aims to love, protect, care for, and experience together. She'll never ask to be saved or be carried along. Despite everything, she's still independent! She wants to experience life with someone, not through someone.

She's hard to ship with but she isn't hard to love. All she asks is that someone takes the time to really get to know her. To know who she really is. And she will gladly do the same.

She's tough to ship with.

But it's worth it in the end!

[daisys-reality]

hello there daisy I hope that you are having a gooday so far today & is staying safe

I am giving you this little ask of mine because I wanted to ask of you to see if you could possbily show me in a lovely tarot reading of yours when & how I will enter the void state

bc I am currently trying to manifest myself to just randomly wake up in the void state & I am ngl I am having quite the trouble manifesting my desired scenario to come to fruition within the 3d

I just really want to enter it already & manifest my dream life & than after that just respawn to my wr & forever leave this disgusting universe

I am kinda getting sick & tired of dealing with these struggles rn & I would really prefer if I didn't have to deal with them at all

like the struggles that I am currently dealing with atm is just lack of trust, belief, faith, fear & doubts ect

I have many more problems that I'm dealing with that's just a few of them that I have pointed out

its just making things way more harder for me than it needs to be & I hate that so sm

i just wanna get things over with & just completely end my suffering

but I can't do that if I am dealing with this

so please tell me there is actually something good at the end of the tunnel for me bc I don't want to deal with these problems of mine anymore

also if you can you please add any random messages within the reading if there are any about me & my void state journey plz & thank you

btw I saw the angel number 1212 while I was making this ask for you

thought that I would tell you

Oh dear... I know its been already some time since I received this asked, so perhaps you already realized your plans. Even if not, I hope you're doing fine.

Regarding your tarot reading request, I will gladly do a reading for you. Perhaps it's not necessary anymore but I'll do it just in case. ^^

Is there something good at the end of the tunnel for you? How and when will you enter the void state? + Advice from beings who love you dearly :

. I see that your health, especially your mental health, will drastically improve. You will gain peace of mind through mental clarity. You will be able to give yourself the guidance you so desperately seek. You will set boundaries for yourself about what you allow to reach you. You decide what you believe and what doesn't serve you. You will be strict about it and it will keep you on your throne, unbothered and confident. You will be the sole ruler of your earthly experience.

. To be honest, I don't think you will necessarily enter 'the void state'. I feel like there is something else you will do.

. If your first reaction while reading this was to get extremely worried, don't. There is no need to worry. This message is coming in strongly. Someone is trying to assure you about that. What you need to do is to release the parts of your past that feel like heavy baggage that you still keep carrying. Your mind desperately needs release. That's where all the worries and confusion and desperation is stemming from. Forgive your past self and accept what lies in the past to move on to a new life free from (emotional) burdens.

. This might be a bit random but I had this vision of a girl who has a little bird who is still learning to fly but is seemingly too scared to try. The girl is stuck in a life threatening situation and only the bird can help her out but only if it flies. She doesn't want to let the bird know about here worries because she doesn't want to unnecessarily pressure the little one more than it already does itself. So, instead the girl tries to be strong and patient and puts on a smile despite her burdens; she gives the bird all the love and assurance that it needs so that it becomes stronger and stronger, day by day. Nurtured by this love and trust the bird starts believing in itself, feeling assured enough to leave its comfort space and successfully tries to fly. "Finally", the girl thinks while tears of joy and relief stream down her face. The girl has put her trust in the bird and kept going no matter how long it would take, no matter how dark her current situation was. In the end, the girl was so glad she did. Nothing could ever compare to the joy she felt in that moment. Finally freedom.

. You are the girl and the bird is your inner self. Learn to trust yourself and give yourself the love and time to be able to freely "to try to fly" regardless of fears and doubts. Pressure won't do you good, it will only paralyse you. Take care of yourself as you would with a baby bird. 🧡🌷

. Also, there is strong emphasis on how you have to choose your connections wisely. Only spend time with people that uplift you and bring you joy. Spending happy moments with others and spoiling yourself/fulfilling your needs is a key element in reaching your goal. Things are going in the right direction when you feel like the path you're on is making you happy. If it doesn't, you might have to rethink your decision/path. There are many options for you to be successful. Trust your instinct. You want to be happy, right? Like truly truly happy? Then, I'm sure you know exactly what to do to reach this state of bliss. 🐦🪹☀️

🚫 I DO NOT ACCEPT TAROT READING REQUESTS RIGHT NOW. 🚫

[ice-mage]

With the Teen Wolf movie coming out in two weeks, I decided to make a tier list of the characters from the show using this list here. Below the jump, I have added my rationale for all 65 characters I ranked. Feel free to reblog with your own tier list; I would love to see them.

Season 1 Main Cast

Scott McCall – B – This was the ranking that took me the longest to decide on. Scott carries a lot of baggage in fandom. And some Scott stans are rabidly anti-Sterek and anti-Stiles, which in response makes you remember all of Scott’s negative actions and attributes. But, for purposes to this list, I tried my best to not let the fandom baggage influence my ranking.

If I were going by what Teen Wolf tries to tell us Scott is, I would’ve given him an A. He’s optimistic, idealistic, caring, and attempts to protect his friends and family. There are a great many fics that highlight Scott’s best qualities. And some of Scott’s less than stellar moments are understandable given that he is a teenager after all.

But, when it comes to Scott, Teen Wolf does a lot of telling and not enough showing. Scott was only a werewolf for nine months when he became a true alpha, and even fewer months when alpha pack came to Beacon Hills in part because Scott had the “potential” to become a true alpha.  Deaton even said that he thought Scott could become a true alpha when he learned that Scott had been bit. All the while, even though he enjoys the perks of being a werewolf, he hates it so much that he can’t fathom why others would chose to get the bite. So, Scott’s true alpha status doesn’t feel earned. Plus, Scott’s morality is a bit black and white, which gets boring pretty quickly.

Ultimately though, and this may in part be due to Posey’s mediocre acting, while I don’t dislike Scott per se, I don’t have a particular desire to see more of him on screen, which earns Scott a B.

Stiles Stilinski – GOAT – Is there any question that Stiles if the GOAT of Teen Wolf? From his first scene, you can’t help but like this precious little bean, this little ball of sarcasm and enthusiasm. Stiles is not only part of many of the funniest moments in the show, but also many of the most heartfelt moments. He would do anything for you if he considers you his. Stiles being the emotional heart of the show is an entire plot point of season 6A, and the show suffered when he wasn’t there.

Allison Argent – B – Allison is super sweet, and I want to like her more. But I can’t look past the way she sadistically shot Boyd and Erica with arrows for no reason.

Derek Hale – S – This man can communicate more with his facial expression than many people can with words.  He speaks multiple languages, and is smart. Derek has the most tragic backstory. As a teen, he had to kill his girlfriend out of mercy, and then had nearly his entire family slaughtered by the older woman that seduced him. When he returns to Beacon Hills, it’s because his sister was killed. And yet, he tries to help newly-bitten Scott gain control over his wolf. Derek could have been a villain, but he chose not to be.

Derek wasn’t a good alpha in season 2, but you see in season 3 that under different circumstances he could have been.  He teaches Isaac control on his second full moon. He’s willing to risk his life for Boyd and Erica, and although he doesn’t go about it the best way, he pushes Isaac away in an attempt to protect him. He cares about his betas. He gives up his alpha power to save Cora’s life. And he eventually gains the full shift. You want to root for Derek Hale.

Lydia Martin – S – Lydia Martin is Queen. She is brilliant, beautiful, and demonstrates some of the best character growth on the show.

Jackson Whittemore – A – Jackson is an asshole, but he’s a lovable asshole.  

Teens

Danny Mahealani – A – Everyone likes Danny. QED.

Isaac Lahey – A – Isaac is just a precious baby. His face when he takes the pain from the dog. The scene when he tries to stay up to protect Melissa with Scott. I can’t help but like him.

Erica Reyes – A – Erica is fierce. The bite gives her a chance to shine after having to deal with her epilepsy. She might have overdone it a bit when she was first bitten, but you see her become more grounded at the end of season 2. She had a lot of potential and I wanted to see more of her.

Vernon Boyd – A – Boyd is the epitome of the strong silent type. I still can’t believe that they killed him right after they started to give him a backstory.  

Matt Daehler – TRASH – Murderous stalker.

Cora Hale – C – Cora was there for a bit, I guess.

Aiden Steiner – C – Did he have any good qualities? He sort of had a redeeming death, I guess, which is why he isn’t rated lower.

Ethan Steiner – B – Ethan had more compassion than his brother, so I gave him a bump up.

Kira Yukimura – S – Cute, awkward, and badass.

Malia Tate – C – Was there a point to her character?

Meredith Walker – B – She’s a little confused, but she got the spirit.

Liam Dunbar – S – Liam is a little, angry puppy. Gotta love him.

Mason Hewitt – B – I want to like Mason more, but he always felt like he was supposed to be Stiles 2.0.

Sydney – C – Not very memorable.

Garrett – C – Gets a bump up for being smarter than his girlfriend.

Violet – TRASH – A murderer whose money-hunger made her stupid.

Brett Talbott – C – Another werewolf whose family died in a fire? I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care.

Lori Talbott – C – Cared less about her than I did for her brother.

Theo Raeken – S – Theo was an excellent villain. And a villain the same age as the pack too. He singlehandedly manufactured the breakdown of the pack.  

Tracy Stewart – B – She gained a lot of confidence over the course of season 5. She grew on me

Hayden Romero – C – She’s 15 but works as a shot girl in a club? Make it make sense.

Corey Bryant – C – Even though I think Corey and Mason are really cute together, I just don’t care about Corey as an individual character.

Donovan Donati – TRASH – Nothing but a psychotic rage machine.

Josh Diaz – C – Just not memorable. Apparently, he was in nine episodes. I remember maybe two of them.

Gabe – TRASH – I was glad when he died.

Nolan – C – Nolan was pretty pathetic the entire time he was on screen.

Parents

Sheriff Stilinski – S – Papa Stilinski is top tier. There are a few questionable moments said in jest, but when it matters, when it counts, you see that he loves his son more than anything else in the world.

Melissa McCall – S – This woman singlehandedly runs that hospital. Loved her relationship with Scott, Stiles, and Isaac.

Peter Hale – S – This beautiful bastard brought himself back from the dead. Yes, he’s manipulative and power hungry. But he’s clever, cunning, and charming. Loved every second he was on screen (younger and older).

Chris Argent – S – You wouldn’t think you’d grow to like Chris Argent when you start watching the show, but you do. Despite losing his family, Chris comes back to protect Beacon Hills. Although he cares about the code, in season 1 its not because he thinks werewolves are worthy of the same dignity as people. It’s there as a check against hunters falling to their worst impulses and start killing simply for the sake of killing. But he grows and learns that the supernatural are just people, not inherently bad, but capable of doing/being good. Plus, he’s a total DILF.

Victoria Argent – A – She is badass. She was able to threaten Scott effectively just by sharpening a pencil. Died too soon.

Natalie Martin – B – Lots of ups and downs. She locked her daughter in an insane asylum, the same one in which her mother-in-law committed suicide (at least that’s what she believed at the time). But in season six she helps the pack actually graduate.

Mr. Lahey – TRASH – He locked Isaac in a freezer. Multiple times.

Talia Hale – C – We are told that Talia was a wise and respected alpha. But we know that she (1) convinced Corrine to give birth, (2) gave Malia to a human family, (3) took Peter’s memory of Malia, (4) apparently failed to keep tabs on her because she we know she did not find Malia after her adoptive mom and sister were killed and Malia turned into a coyote even though that happened before the Hale fire. Not sure what her redeeming qualities were other than her ability to fully shift, but what we know about Talia does not live up to what we are told about her.

Rafael McCall – B – Before he shows up, what’s said about him gives the impression that he’s a horrible person. But we never really see that. His antagonism against the Stilinskis doesn’t seem merited, and he’s not the best father, but we he’s not shown to be a bad guy.

Noshiko Yukimura – C – She is a 900 year old kitsune, but she can’t help her daughter gain control over her fox spirit? She calls on a nogitsune even though she should know better.

Ken Yukimura – A – He is adorable. Love the dad jokes.

Mr. Tate – B – Don’t really like or dislike him. But I enjoyed when he threatened the boys when they picked up Malia. Protective dad.

Corinne – TRASH – Why does she want to kill Malia again? Because she lost some of her power and it transferred over to her? But then why didn’t she do it right after she was born? And is she’s appears incompetent given that she didn’t accomplish the job the first time.

Other Adults

Alan Deaton – B – Deaton had a few badass moments, but he was decidedly unhelpful a lot of the time. Stiles calls him out for withholding information. He says that helping Derek was a promise he made to his mother, and yet he never really helps Derek.

Bobby Finstock – S – The bigger they are, the Bigger. They. Are.

Adrian Harris – TRASH – He has the most punchable face.

Kate Argent – TRASH – She’s a mass-murdering psychopath with a creepy attraction to teen boys.

Gerard Argent – TRASH – He considers werewolves to be no more than animals. He espouses that it is better to kill oneself rather than live as a werewolf. Yet when faced with dying from cancer, he plots to become a werewolf rather than die.

Marin Morrell – A – Marin intrigues me. She was the emissary to the alpha pack when all the other alphas had to kill their emissaries. But she still acted independently, sometimes at odds with her pack. Needed more of her.

Jennifer Blake – A – I obviously don’t condone her magically seducing Derek and attempting to sacrifice the parents.  But she gets a lot of points for being a strong magic user. She used magic to change her visage, to hide her scars from the world, so that Kali didn’t recognize her at first. She used magic to physically push Kali away, and to telekinetically throw glass at her. I was rooting for her in her fight against the alphas.

Braeden – A – She was badass.  She survived Deucalion slashing her throat.

Deucalion – A – He is the Demon Wolf. He is the alpha of alphas. Jennifer had to sacrifice numerous people to challenge him, and she came up short. Her magic was unable to harm him. Easily the strongest alpha on the show.

Kali – TRASH – Two words: feet claws.

Ennis – TRASH – He was so angry that one of his pack was killed he decided to kill the remainder of his pack?

Jordan Parrish – A – Creepy visions aside, Parrish is really sweet. He deserved a raise.

Araya Calavera – A – What can I say? She reminds me of my grandmother.

Severo Calavera – C – Never got a strong opinion about him, but demerits for threatening to take a chainsaw to Derek.

Satomi Ito – B – She is a long-lived wolf, so props for that. She seemed to have skills in fighting. But she was utterly incapable of protecting her pack.

Brunski – TRASH – Not only was he a serial killer, he was annoying.

Dr. Gabriel Valack – B – Props for going from a prisoner in Eichen House to basically running the place.

Mrs. Finch – TRASH – She was an alpha, but had no idea what was going on with her own pack. Plus, she let Liam get beaten up in her own class.

Garrett Douglass – TRASH – He is a literal Nazi.

Tamora Monroe – TRASH – Did she have any redeeming qualities?

[raissahandeson-blog]

Vulnerable

Well guys, I decided to rewatch The Old Guard and I simply found myself falling in love with all those charming characters.

I always thought that Nile and Andy have such intense chemistry that it would be a sin to have so few stories between the two of them and that was the reason that led me to write this. I confess that most of this story was written via translator, since my knowledge of English is very limited, and this is the first story I've written… So I apologize in advance for the various errors you found here.

Anyway, I think that having said that, I really liked the option of adding color to the sentences and that's why I found it interesting to separate Andy and Nile's lines by color. Nile will have all the dialogues in purple while Andy has red, just because I think they really suit them lol.

This is an art that I simply loved by an incredible artist called Rune, I'll leave the link below so you can check out more of his work. https://www.deviantart.com/rune-arts

The last year has been completely crazy for Nile, ever since his first death on duty in Afghanistan. The discovery of her own immortality, discovering the existence of an army of immortals that she was now a part of, the struggle in the laboratory and Andy's recent mortality, it was all a very radical change.

Her life was turned upside down, having to leave the Marines, her dream of following in her father's footsteps, her family, and gaining a new one made up of dysfunctional but extremely welcoming and loving immortal people.

At first, Nile believed that it would be difficult to fit into that group, after all, everyone there had known each other for centuries and orbited around each other easily. It was surprising when she realized that she didn't need to make an effort to try to be accepted, as she did in the marines, she already had everyone's respect and consideration since the day of the confrontation in Merick's Laboratory when she decided to return to save everyone. .

After the first two crazy weeks they finally had time to settle down and rest, keeping as close to a normal routine as possible. Of course, there were still the physical training and sparring sessions that used to go on until someone ended up with too many broken bones to stand, but it was still pretty close to normal.

Nile realized that each member of his new family played an important role in keeping everyone together.

Nick was the wittiest, always having a funny story or witty joke to make the group laugh.

Joe, in turn, was the one who brought the most empathy and sensitivity to everyone, always being available to be a shoulder to lean on when needed without asking questions or judging.

Nile took on what she believed to be the role of Brooker, obtaining digital information and obtaining false documents. But soon she realized that her importance went beyond that, she was the one who reminded everyone that even the little things were worthy of attention. Small discoveries, gestures, she helped everyone understand that what they did was really worth it.

And Andy in turn was the force that kept everyone standing, no matter how bad things got, no one would dare doubt that it would work if their leader was at the front, paving the way for everyone to continue.

The latter managed to establish herself in a large part of Nile's heart, even though she tried to deny it at first, as time went by and as she lived with her leader, it became increasingly clear that this woman was much more than a lethal warrior. She was a kind, caring woman who, despite carrying enormous emotional baggage, went to great lengths to make them feel loved and protected.

At first Andy seemed convinced of turning Nile into his apprentice, teaching her much of what she knew about weapons and combat, saying that she would need to be prepared in case things got ugly. She never dared to say more than that, but Nile could understand what was behind this urgency to make her fit to fight: Her time was now numbered and when she was no longer here, it would be her apprentice's job to continue maintaining all united and safe. Thinking about this brought sadness to Nile's heart, thinking that at some point she might no longer be with them, the simple idea of losing her in the middle of one of her missions made his stomach tighten. That's why she dove head first into training, trying harder and harder to get better, she wanted to do everything she could to make sure Andy wouldn't fall during the fight, make sure she could shadow her and keep her safe.

It didn't take long for everyone to realize this when the following missions appeared and Nile continued to constantly hover around the warrior Scythian, even in situations where her leader's experience was more than enough to resolve the situation.

Joe and Nick knew it wouldn't take long for Andy to get impatient and confront Nile about all this overprotection. And they were right, after an interception mission in Serbia, when everyone finally reached the safe haven, the Boss then snapped.

-Before anyone leaves for the rooms, we need to talk. We can't continue working with you treating me like a piece of glass that could break at any moment. I said it before and I repeat it, the fact that I'm no longer immortal doesn't change anything, I'm still the boss and I'm still giving the orders. -Andy barks throwing her equipment bag across the room as she heads to the bar next door to get a bottle of gin. Everyone else stops standing around the room in amazement.

-We're not questioning your authority Andy, but it doesn't make sense to put you in the direct line of fire if all 3 of us can do it without major damage. - Nile rationalizes trying to get closer to her.

-To me this seems to go over my authority, I'm the leader here and I've experienced a lot more than you three together. I know what I'm doing, I appreciate your concern, but I was in wars before I was immortal, fighting for my people and my family, and I will continue to do so until my last day. You have no right to try to intervene in this. - Andy plops down on the couch, taking a generous sip of his drink while the rest of the team stares at him in amazement. In a matter of seconds, Nile's expression goes from shock to anger and hurt, making any fear he had about facing the woman in front of him disappear.

-A shit we don't have, we are your family and we care about you. Say what you want but you can't make me watch you kill yourself while I stand by and do nothing. We love you Andy and we're not going to accept this stupid suicidal game you're playing, at least I'm not going to.

This is the boys' cue to lock themselves in their room, they know that dealing with their boss's mortality has not been easy, especially for Nile who seems to have become increasingly close to her. They understand both points of view and know that it is an issue that both women need to resolve between themselves, there is no reason to intervene.

Meanwhile in the room, Andy is surprised by the attitude of the younger woman in front of her, who is now staring at her with eyes blazing with anger and her jaw clenched, demonstrating the strength of her discontent.

-You're just a child Nile, you haven't seen almost anything in life, that's why you keep insisting on that. It's no use, I'm not going to change my position in relation to how we carry out operations and I'm also not going to allow you to continue taking focus away from the mission to ensure my safety. - Andy finally gets up, coming face to face with Nile, who is now breathing heavily.

-You know what, fuck you, I'm not going to change my mind either so if you think you can't handle this, just leave me out. I'd rather be left alone than have to watch you kill yourself. - Nile shouts in front of her before turning around and leaving, slamming the front door with enough force to shake the walls next to it.

Andy throws herself onto the sofa again with a huff while taking another long drink of Gin, she didn't want to be harsh with Nile, but she couldn't bear to see the girl throwing herself in front of all the danger ahead, just to protect her. And if one day, because of one of these distractions, the boys or Nile herself were captured, she would not be able to deal with this guilt anymore, after Quynh she would not be able to lose anyone else, if someone needed to fall, then let it be her.

Yet her heart sank as she remembered the broken expression Nile wore as he left the shelter. It was painful to see the girl like this, even more so because of her, she got used to having the youngest always around, smiling and excited about every little thing, this woke up a side that had been dormant for a long time and it still kept her up constantly at night. Initially she just wanted to be his mentor, teach everything she could in the time she still had and make sure Nile could feel welcome with them.

But somewhere along the way things changed, without realizing it she became closer and the relationship that was supposed to be mentor and mentee became stronger than that. She could remember more than one occasion when she woke up with Nile curled up with her on the couch after a movie or after an intense mission that kept them both up late into the night. It became natural to look for each other to try to calm down and end up sleeping tangled up in some corner of the shelter they were in. The following morning, both separated without further comment on what happened during the night.

She insisted on ignoring this because she knew it wasn't fair to Nile, the young woman still had a lot of time and didn't deserve to have to carry the weight of having already lost someone close to her in such a short period of time. Still, she knew she had been too harsh and shouldn't leave the younger woman tormenting herself with her own thoughts. From what she knew of that girl, she would be imagining at this point that the problem was the fact that Andy thought she was too young to be trusted. Taking the last sip from the bottle she finally stood up and followed her apprentice out the door.

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Nile managed to hold back her tears long enough until she reached the front door, but she collapsed as soon as she crossed the threshold and slammed the door behind her. She couldn't believe how the woman she so admired and cared about could go from being the kindest person she'd ever met to the dumbest person on Earth. Nile imagined the size of the nightmares that accompanied Andy for so many years of wandering around, but still, she refused to accept the indifferent way she treated her own life. Sometimes it seemed like she really wanted to die, thrown into danger without any real need, and how

if the love that others had for her were worthless.

Yes, love, it took Nile a long time to assimilate and accept this new feeling she had for her mentor. But with the growing fear of losing her during a mission, it became clear that there was no reason to continue lying to himself. She remembers clearly when it finally dawned on her that the worry was much more than that.

She always had music as a sunny refuge, a place where she could go and forget about all her problems and sadness. The first time she discovered how comforting this shelter was was when a soldier showed up at her house to deliver the news of her father's death. She cried for hours and every time she tried to sleep, she would start sobbing again. Then she remembered the mp3 that her father had given her as a gift and connected the headphones, from then on, whenever things got difficult, it was in music that she sought solace.

She looked for music when she had to endure being humiliated when joining the navy, she looked for music when she died for the first time and had to see the looks of her fellow soldiers judging her as if she were a freak. She turned to music as she processed the idea that she would truly never see her family again and that the person who would understand her most was in exile for the next 100 years.

Music was always there as a consolation, until Andy came along and changed everything. His refugee became the older woman, even though through conversation or being silent in each other's company, it brought Nile the peace and comfort that music used to provide.

That's when she knew for sure that the group's elder wasn't just someone she wanted to learn to fight with, she was someone she wanted to fight for, to be close to and be able to enjoy every little moment by her side. That's when she realized this was love.

But unfortunately, just as much as Andy managed to calm her down, she also managed to be the one who took him off track. For months, the older woman started to be more careless with herself during missions and adamant about taking extra care like vests and things like that. This was driving the youngest girl crazy, because every day the fear of not being able to be enough to protect her became greater along with the frustration of not being able to change her mind.

Today she simply exploded and I couldn't control my anger when I saw Andy talking like that, it seemed like all the closeness they had had over the last few months didn't exist and the oldest still saw her as just an inexperienced child.

This hurt her more than she would like to admit, so she was tough enough to claim that she would rather not be part of the group than take orders from her and watch her die. In a way she doesn't regret it, but her heart still hurts, imagining what she would do if she really had to move away from the group and especially from her.

Then again she found herself with the clean cell phone that Copley gave her, headphones and her comfort playlist. She was sitting in front of the lake to the east of the house that served as her shelter, watching the movement of the trees and the water while trying to control her own crying, she didn't want to think anymore about all the mess she had gotten herself into. What she wanted most now was to sit there and be able to forget about her own mess for a few hours until she worked up enough courage to return home.

And she let herself be so deeply carried away by the sound that floated through her headphones with her eyes closed, that she didn't notice Andy approaching or sitting next to her, until the heat of her body alerted her to her presence. She opened her eyes quickly in fright until she realized who was next to her and then replaced her expression from astonishment to sadness.

-Hey? -Andy said, sitting next to her, looking at her face, probably swollen from crying a few minutes ago, with a weak smile.

-If you just came to tell me that you'd prefer me not to be on the team, you don't need to try to be nice. Just tell me your decision and I'll follow through with it. -Nile responds defensively, imagining that the woman in front of her just came to tell her that she doesn't trust her enough to continue with the work they do. She turns so she can face Andy fully and see her expression when she finally says what she decided.

-Nile, I don't want to fight anymore and much less do I want you to leave far away. Now you are my family too and I care too much to leave you behind, and I care even more about seeing you taking so much effort to protect me and neglecting your own safety.- At that moment Andy also turns around so he can get a better look at the younger woman, sad to meet his desolate gaze.

-My safety? it is serious? I'm immortal Andy, for God's sake, if there's anyone who can and should put themselves in the line of fire, it's me and the boys. This concern is meaningless, the problem is that I'm the newbie, right? Has all the effort I've been making to prove some value been in vain?

It becomes too much for Andy to continue watching Nile fall deeper and deeper into this pit of guilt and demands. She then holds the youngest by the chin so she can look directly into her eyes and understand what she is talking about.

-You are immortal but you are not immune to being captured, tortured and many other things. It pains me to say this out loud Nile, but I am no longer unbeatable and if that happens, I cannot guarantee that you will be rescued. Remember what happened last time? If it weren't for you, the rest of the team would still be there because I'm not strong enough to save everyone, and after Quynh I can't lose anyone else, and I don't want to lose you. I'd rather my death ensure everyone's safety than put you at risk.- Andy says each word without looking away from Nile, trying to convey all her vulnerability and fear, trying to make her understand.

-Not so strong? Andy, you are the most badass woman to have walked this Earth, immortal or not. Your strength is beyond physics, it comes from within, it is what keeps us firm and hopeful for better days, you are the pillar of who we are and we won't make it without you, not if you decide to give up. I can't do this without you and I don't want to, all I ask is that you be more careful, whether it's wearing a vest, or letting us help, we're a team and there's no reason to do everything alone.

These words seem to disarm Andy, who reduces the rest of the distance between their faces and captures Nile's lips with hers in a chaotic and intense kiss. She pours all her feelings into this and Nile realizes how difficult it had been for the older woman to deal with all of this, her appreciation for her was obvious and having to deal with this just when her mortality appears, doesn't seem easy at all.

She is taken out of her reverie when Andy's tongue asks for passage, which she willingly gives in to, the kiss becomes increasingly involved and needy and without realizing it, she is grabbing her waist wanting to bring her closer. She always imagined that Andy would be a good kisser, but between imagining and being able to experience it, there was a scary difference, even more so when her hands start to roam the younger girl's body, squeezing and trying to pull her towards her.

They continue like this for what seems like hours until air is needed and Nile moves away, their foreheads continue to touch but it's enough for both of them to catch their breath as they look at each other. Andy looks at her affectionately while stroking the side of her face tenderly, even with the feeling that the best thing would be to spare Nile from all the pain that may come along with this new feeling, she is convinced that she doesn't need to be so rational and that the woman in front of her, despite her young age, is intelligent enough to decide for herself.

-I still think this could hurt you girl, but I don't have the right to decide that for you, but still, I need to remind you, I will die, it may not be today or tomorrow, but it will happen. And I need you to make sure you can follow through with this?

-I know that, but you're worth the risk. - Nile replied with a smile - All I want is to enjoy this time we still have, be it ten years or half a century. I also need your guarantee that you will take more care, for me… can you promise me that?

-Half a century? I think we're being optimistic here, I'm sure when I start to get all wrinkled you'll change your mind - Andy responds making them both laugh - But ok, I promise to try, for us.

Then Nile kisses her again, this time trying to convey all the feeling present at that moment, a mix of joy and love, which she never dreamed that one day she would finally be able to experience. They spend the rest of the afternoon like this, cuddling and kissing, sitting together by the lake as they watch the sun set and the night come to life, revealing a sky full of stars.

Hours later they finally return to the house, it is quiet and dark, the boys are probably in the bedroom sleeping, and they decide to do the same. Finally, the tiredness of the mission and all that discussion reached them, and they threw themselves onto the sofa and let sleep take them to a peaceful night's sleep, like so many others who shared in the same way. This time when they wake up, there will be no need to pretend to forget what they shared that afternoon, this time they have the hope and power to write their story together.

​

[1lovepeace]

Moonfam's Unresolved Conflict and Trauma

With Season 5: Ocean of The Dragon Prince expected to be released this year, I'm really looking forward to it, mainly because of the huge potential for the possible moonfam plot with Rayla and how they will address the conflict and trauma with her and her family. I'm strongly confident that Ethari will be in S5 and beyond.

I highly theorize that the reason for this is that while I'm excited about the long-awaited Moonfam Reunion and Reconciliation, this is where all the struggles, conflicts, and trauma with the Moonfam could become very intense and super heavy, especially with all the distance and fragmentation in their family.

A few years ago, during an interview with the writers Devon and Iain, it was confirmed that Ethari 100% regrets doing the ghosting spell on Rayla, suffering from all the guilt, regret and sorrow that he's carried for the last two years. Once he is reunited with Rayla, I can absolutely envision him having a massive, heartbreaking, overwhelming, emotional breakdown. There will definitely be many tears and humongous apologies, but both Rayla and Ethari will have the hardest, emotional yet honest, truthful, and sincerest conversations with each other about the last two years.

I think Rayla will definitely have a hard time forgiving Ethari and have different levels of mixed emotions, such as anger, resentment, and doubt, rightfully so, because Runaan and Ethari technically abandoned, failed, and wronged her, unintentionally, of course. But I think she will in the end. Being confronted by this and having to acknowledge it is gonna be extremely hurtful and deeply painful for both of them.

This'll be very hard on Rayla and Ethari. The same goes for Runaan, but they are necessary in order for them to begin healing and repairing their family. During these conversations, Ethari will finally be able to express how incredibly remorseful and deeply apologetic he is for what he did, showing Rayla how much he truly regrets it and how much he wants her in his life again, unpacking and liberating a monumental load of emotional baggage. This is why I wanna see both of them just embracing each other in a long, silent, wordless, and emotional hug.

All of this will be crucial and critical for Rayla to have these discussions and conversations with all of her family, especially with Runaan. They both are gonna have an enormous, profound, fair share of guilt, regret, and sorrow, specifically from Runaan, for what happened on the mission. From realizing the truth about Rayla's parents and having nothing but his thoughts to reflect and contemplate on, it has, undoubtedly, devastated and scarred him, thinking about those last heartbreaking interactions between him and Rayla on the mission. For he has humongous apologies to make, enormous repairing his relationships with his family, clarifying his behaviors, explaining his actions, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I adore them, but I don't want the show to let Runaan off the hook for how he wronged Rayla in S1 or let Ethari off the hook for unfairly ghosting Rayla, they deserve to be held accountable for their actions. I also feel that Callum is gonna have a humongous earful to say to Runaan and Ethari, not holding back the anger and disdain towards both of them, feeling they betrayed and wronged Rayla, and that because of them she lost everything she had left. They will have a lot of repairing to do with their daughter and not only working towards earning her trust again but, more importantly, her forgiveness.

There will be so much crying and such heavy emotions in these conversations, where both Ethari and Runaan admit to Rayla how horribly and miserably they failed, disappointed wronged her as her fathers, that she deserves better from them, that they have enormous guilt and tremendous regrets for what they've done, pouring out all their heart and soul into every apology, telling her how much they truly and deeply love her and that they sincerely want her in their lives again. How much it has been hurting and torturing them ever since. All the monumental load of emotional baggages and trauma must be acknowledged and resolved for all three of them, but this will be crucial for them to reconcile, heal, and repair their family together.

The conflict and angst with Callum, Rayla, Ethari, Runaan, and her parents are gonna be really interesting. The bad blood between Callum, Ezran, and Runaan for killing their father, King Harrow, is gonna be heavy. There are so many things left unsaid and unresolved, and I can't wait to see how they will address all these issues. I wanna see the moonfam reconciliation so much, and I have confidence that they will do it justice. It'll absolutely be worth the wait. I'm super nervous yet optimistic and excited for the next upcoming seasons. Let's Go Season 5.

[l-1-z-a]

The Sims 2 Designer Diary #3

Maxis' vice president of PC development Lucy Bradshaw and creative director Charles London discuss the many moods of the sims.

By Gamespot Staff on July 28, 2005 at 10:52AM PDT

The Sims was a surprise hit when it was released in 2000. No one thought a strategy game that lets you control the lives of little computer people, also known as "sims," could possibly be as addictive or as popular as it has proven to be--except maybe the game's developer, Maxis. Now, Maxis is hard at work on the sequel, The Sims 2. The game will not only let you control your sims' lives, but it will also let you follow their development from birth to adulthood to senescence. In this edition of The Sims 2 designer diaries, Lucy Bradshaw, vice president of PC development, and Charles London, creative director, explain exactly how moods and emotions will affect the way sims live, act, and feel in the sequel.

Putting Sims in the Mood

By Lucy Bradshaw and Charles London VP PC Development/Creative Director

Let's face it: Mood is everything. Think about your own life. Do you remember feeling like everything in the world was an exciting adventure, even taking out the trash, just because you finally kissed that person you had a crush on forever? Have you ever been in a terrible mood because you were hungry? Or so tired that everything around you seems drab and irritating? Moods color all of our perceptions. It's the thing that makes us unique as a species.

Bringing that same dimension to The Sims 2 is the goal of the design team. Before The Sims 2, mood was just a bar on an interface. It was hard to tell, just by looking at a sim, what mood he or she was in. A sim could get slapped or kissed and walk away as if nothing had happened. That's not an accurate illustration of mood. Mood is indicated by such things as bouncing when you're happy or sagging a little when you're sad.

But why is mood so important? Anyone who plays The Sims knows that, in their world, mood is everything. It's what determines whether your sims will go to work, chat with other sims, build skills and interests, or fall in love. Whether you're a human or a sim, your mood encompasses much more than just how thirsty you are or how much fun you've had. It's a reflection of your personality, memories of the past, and hopes and dreams for the future. We're bringing a realistic representation of all these factors to your sims in The Sims 2.

Until now, sims have lived "in the moment." They had no real sense of context because they had no recollection of what had come before in their lives. Giving the sims memories--and the impact they have on their moods--is key to the new game. Memories are, in essence, a collection of life moments that shape how we respond to new experiences and how we view the world. And this will also be the case in The Sims 2. A sim who has accumulated a lot of happy memories is going to be in a better mood. By contrast, a sim who is carrying around a lot of emotional baggage will be in a bad mood. Players have direct control over both scenarios and can work to change them. As we design the game, we're trying to form a landscape of events that players can explore to gain insight as to what makes their sims tick. This gives sims personal histories that really matter.

Nothing More Than Feelings?

These days, The Sims 2 design team spends a heck of a lot of time inventing memories that are relevant to a sim. For example, in The Sims 2, not only will a sim remember if he or she was jilted by a lover, but another sim who witnesses the event will also remember it, and will be able to share it with their friends. After the breakup, the jilted sim might still be reeling from heartbreak. A friend who "heard it through the grapevine" can lessen the pain with a simple pat on the back. However, salt can also be poured on the sim's wound when he or she sees his or her old flame with a new love. It's this type of context that introduces surprises, crazy successes, and failures to the game--along with a dynamic new strategy.

The development process can be both fun and disturbing during design sessions, particularly on subjects like memory. Locking the "final" memory and [list of memorable moments] for sims in The Sims 2 isn't a straightforward or easy task. There are lots of obvious examples, like a "first kiss." After that, it's incredible how quickly everyone's ideal memories and moments lists differ. During the development process at Maxis, we ended up sitting around in a room writing lists of memories on a white board. You learn a lot about each other during this type of meeting. After a coworker mentions something like "first time locked in an elevator" or "puked in public," the memory lives on and it stays burned into your brain when you run into him or her later on in the hall. After we get over the initial trauma of "sharing," it's all about "sim-ifying" our favorite moments and adding them to the game.

Memories not only affect the mood of the sims in The Sims 2, but, over the course of their lifetimes, they also affect a sim's personality. In The Sims 2, each personality is unique. You will be able to recognize a shy sim from an outgoing sim immediately. His or her body language, autonomous choices, and unique interactions all become more pronounced in the extremes of mood. For example, a shy sim is apt to daydream or talk to houseplants to meet his or her social needs, whereas an outgoing sim will work the room and chat incessantly. [And to be a bit more imaginative], ultraneat sims clean everything in a house in seconds when their moods are elevated, while ultramean sims [deplete] the moods of other sims when theirs are in the basement. The possibilities are intriguing and endless. In The Sims 2, we want to uncover the hidden amusement that lies at the edges of our sims' personalities.

We're continually struck by how our journey to good sim designs is often through modeling ourselves and then abstracting the findings into something that players can experiment with and enjoy. Sims need to feel alive, genuine, and true. Above all, and if we have done our job correctly, sims need to surprise the players. When that comes together, you know it immediately. That feeling and knowledge that we have "nailed it" is our benchmark. We begin to see these little beings move around their world, and, one day, we find ourselves believing. When moods start showing through in The Sims, players start believing. They suddenly care deeply about their sims because the sims care too. In the last few weeks here at Maxis, these little guys have finally started to wake up. It's pretty cool.

[la-haruchan]

Sooo. Here's my first Dreamling fic. (It's a translation bc I wroted first in spanish, thanks to DianOfTheCity_County for his help).

Murphy's jealousy has get him trouble... for the last time?

A Different Approach

By: Haru.

Going to the faculty party had ended up not being a good idea. Usually, he would not had even consider it, but being Hob’s plus one was, indeed, a tempting idea. To imagine himself and Hob being out overtly as a couple for the first time—not having to pretend that theirs was merely an academic dalliance—made him feel effervescent. He had been fantasizing with the possibility for two weeks before the date, to the point of forgetting about the endless reasons there were against it.

His social phobia—which only got worse if he had been at least two glasses into drinking—the capability of saying just the wrong phrase at the worst possible moment, together with his incapability to cover his jealousy was a recipe for disaster.

Hob did not say a word during the trip back to the apartment. That made his mood even worse than it already was. It had been a recurring theme of their arguments since they have entered their relationship. This time around, though, Hob seemed to have changed the strategy in favour of giving him the cold shoulder, instead of confronting him verbally.

He was pissed, his social battery utterly spent, he only wished to get home, put his favourite pyjamas on go straight to bed.

Murphy didn’t consider himself the chronic jealous type but getting into a jealous fit had already caused some problems between him and Hob. Sometimes, he thought that perhaps the academic would be better off with someone who didn’t have such emotional baggage, which more often than not came into confrontation with their day to day.

o0o0o0o0o

Once they were home Hob immediately turned around and pressed him against the back of the door. Murphy didn’t even had time to take his Doc Martens out. He could see a determined expression on Hob’s face, an expression he was quite well acquainted with. Still not saying a single word, the other used his entire body to trap him against the door.

For a moment of panic, he thought that perhaps the moment he had been fearing all this time was about to take place. The jealous fit had been the last strand, Hob’s infinite patience had finally run dry.

He closed his eyes and his eyes already burning with unshed tears. He didn’t want Hob to see him like this. Great, he thought, his mother was right when she said that he was nothing but a wary child incapable of becoming a functional adult.

Hob’s strong hands on his hips snapped him out of his reverie. His eyes widened; Hob was on his knees before him. He gave him a wink and a small smile as he undid his belt and slid his zipper down.

Alright then, perhaps if it was not going to be a break up, it was just only going to be a rigorous punishment. He breathed unevenly, with resignation, there was an entire night ahead carrying the lock, it was not an encouraging picture but the alternative was much worse.

“Dream, duck, look at me” It was the first thing Hob had said for about an hour, strangely enough his tone of voice did not denote any hint of annoyance.

He obeyed, it wasn’t the right time to test the waters even less so with his jeans down to his knees and his member out in the cold.

He opened his mouth to apologise but Hob talked over him before he could get anything out.

“Given that the approach I employed last time did nothing to placate the green eyed monster today I’m up to try something else, something…different”

Murphy discretely pinched his own arm, incredulous. It seemed an absurd, impossible dream. Hob didn’t look upset, on the contrary, he seemed amused with the present situation.

“Love, I know what happens inside that bird's nest of yours every time someone flirts with me, no matter how many times I repeat the reasons why I chose you as my lover, your insecurities always take over. I am going to give you something to think about the next time conditioned thoughts overwhelm you.”

Murphy's breath quickened, anticipation replacing fear. Was Hob really hinting at what he believed? Perhaps his brain was not working properly from the amount of blood that had suddenly flowed into his member, but that conclusion was inevitable given the teasing way Hob's thumbs caressed his crotch.

Hob took one of his hands and guided it to his nape, in an eloquent gesture. He loved those little gestures with which his partner gave him control. Murphy ran his fingers through the strands of his hair with delight, combing it through a few times before giving it a firm tug.

“If this is what I'm going to get every time I make a jealous scene... I don't think I have any incentive to punish myself” He mumbled, swallowing hard, making an effort so that his voice didn't sound shaky.

Without removing the bravado smile from his lips, Hob gave him a lick from the base to the tip, which finished awakening his cock.

“I want you to engrave this image on your mind. Remember me on my knees, worshipping you. Every time you may doubt that I am yours and you are mine, you will remember this moment. When you see me talking to someone else you will remember what is waiting for you once we get home”

Overwhelmed by the sensations, Murphy felt the need to lean his head against the door and close his eyes, but Hob's orders were peremptory and he always followed them to the letter.

When his partner finished the admonition, he went to his task with relish. Without breaking eye contact. One hand on his hips, the other under his shirt, slowly ascending to his sternum. Hob winked at him again, which was the only warning he got before receiving a gentle pinch on his left nipple.

Murphy wouldn't last long; Hob knew how to keep him on edge and stimulate him for hours without making him come; in the same way he could take him to the limit in a few minutes if he wanted and this seemed to be the goal this night.

A couple of strong sucks on the head of his cock as well as Hob’s tongue playing in his slit was all it took to bring him close to climax.

“Hob, please!” Murphy complained, already trembling. A firm hand clutched his base, preventing him from coming. Wasn’t this also a punishment? Wondered Murphy.

With some difficulty but without letting go of the captive prey in his hand, his partner got up and kissed him intensely on the lips while finishing it off with an energetic movement of his hand.

Overwhelmed by the sensations, Murphy clung to Hob's shoulders with both arms, risking his legs giving out at any moment. Any thoughts about the bad time spent at the college party were relegated to the back of his mind.

~0~0~0~