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oceanicwriting · 22 days ago

Text

3 questions.

summary: theodore nott and you have always been rivals. dis you both decided that? no. the circumstances made you hate, and it only took one night away from all the pressures for you to see each other as you really are.

pairing(s): theodore nott x fem!reader

a/n: i thought this would be less serious, but it ended up being very serious... i hope you like it as much as i do! i genuinely think this is one of my favorites.

. . .

ㅤㅤㅤ you look at the ceiling of your room. you can hear the snoring and breathing of your roommates near your ears covered by the pillow. you had tried to sleep for hours, but you hadn't even managed to doze off on the soft mattress of the bed.

ㅤㅤㅤ in the middle of a sigh, you throw the sheets aside and dress the sweatshirt that hung on the desk chair. every time insomnia catches you in its clutches, you go to the same place, seeking shelter in the stars and the huge moon shining over the lake. you walk through the halls, careful not to get caught, arriving at the large astronomy tower minutes later.

ㅤㅤㅤ when your sleeping problems were present, you were always close to the final exams of the semester. between all the subjects you had to study, tutoring for classmates with problems in some subjects, recreational classes, and quidditch practices, it was impossible not to have serious problems controlling stress.

ㅤㅤㅤ and, on top of all that, there was him. theodore nott with his perfect grades. theodore nott with his scathing comments every time you receive a grade. theodore nott with that disinterested look that remains stuck in the back of your mind. it was impossible not to talk about him when the bubble of academic pressure was about to burst.

ㅤㅤㅤ you and theodore have known each other for years. your families are from the most renowned pureblood lines in the wizarding world, and even if they claimed to be good friends, they were always pushing their children's competition. you were only the ten in a long line of brothers, parents, uncles, or grandparents who had to compete. if theodore learned to play an instrument, you had to learn one. if theodore did a sport, you had to do one. if theodore did anything, you had to do the same.

ㅤㅤㅤ you were good at keeping up with your family's commands, or you were until this last year, where the weight of your effort began to hurt in every part of your body. your dream was to live off the art you could make with a frame and jars of paints, however, you knew that the honor of your name depended on the position you wanted to get in their precious company.

ㅤㅤㅤ you sigh, lighting a cigarette, as you rest on the railing.

ㅤㅤㅤ —don’t the stars look beautiful? —his voice makes your skin crawl, forcing you to turn around. he had arrived so silently that you were surprised to see him less than five steps away—. smoking on the astronomy tower? who would have thought?

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore has a half smile that makes you want to slam a fist into his face, and he thinks about how pathetic you looked in pajamas like that.

ㅤㅤㅤ —no more —you say, taking a drag of the cigarette and trying to walk away—. i’m out.

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore laughs. the sound that escapes his lips does nothing but ignite a wave of confusion or rage that makes you freeze.

ㅤㅤㅤ —escaping. always escaping. —he approaches, leaning on the railing a few feet away from you—. we hate each other, i get it. do i hate that you're here when i want to be alone? a little. if you like coming here to think or some shit like that, i won't ask you to leave.

ㅤㅤㅤ you could have gone back to the bedroom with the intention of catching up on sleep in some other way, but there's a force that invites you to stay. is it because of the way his voice had challenged you? maybe. but in that place that had often accompanied you, were your greatest enemy, and yet, you remain four meters away.

ㅤㅤㅤ almost thirty minutes have passed, neither of you have said anything, and theodore had lit his own cigarette seconds after being on your third. you can notice that he smokes more slowly, holding it between his lips more delicately than your hurried hands. on the contrary, he sees that you smoke cigarettes after cigarettes with agonizing desperation.

ㅤㅤㅤ —why do you smoke?

ㅤㅤㅤ —we’re not doing this —you answer, dismissing the question instantly.

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore looks at you, raising his eyebrows and settling himself against the railing so he can see you better.

ㅤㅤㅤ the questions are simple. did theodore hate you? probably. did you hate theodore? yes. had you decided to hate each other? no. it’s clear that neither of you, from all that life of competition, had had the courage to get to know the rival beyond the heavy comments. both of you at some vulnerable moment had thought about what would happen if one day you decided to meet each other. really meet each other.

ㅤㅤㅤ —why are you always in such a bad mood? don’t you think it eats at your soul?

ㅤㅤㅤ you laugh, pulling a new cigarette out of your pocket, reluctant to speak. theodore takes the liberty of throwing a spark that hits your hand and makes the cigarette slip through your fingers to fall into nothingness.

ㅤㅤㅤ —are you kidding me? —you question, looking at him with a frown. his smile has not left his lips at any moment, looking at you as if you were the most entertaining animal on the planet—. i thought we were going to pretend that neither of us were here.

ㅤㅤㅤ —it got boring having you here next to me without bothering you —he mumbles. you sigh, noticing that you have run out of things to smoke—. did you run out, stella?

ㅤㅤㅤ you don’t say anything at the nickname, avoiding theodore from noticing how irritated you are just minutes away from exchanging words. he digs into his pocket, extending his arm in your direction with a new cigarette between his fingers.

ㅤㅤㅤ —i can give you one of mine —he says.

ㅤㅤㅤ you look at him, frowning and doubting his good faith.

ㅤㅤㅤ —what will you ask me in return?

ㅤㅤㅤ the truth is you had never seen him like this. most of the time together, you were as tense as two huge rocks full of hate, but now he looks so serene that it awakens an unknown interest inside you.

ㅤㅤㅤ —nothing, why would i want something? —he says, but as soon as you make the slightest attempt to approach him, he speaks again—. although yes, i want something. three questions or three answers. i ask one, and you ask another until we get to the third. isn’t that easy enough?

ㅤㅤㅤ questions? why would theodore nott want to ask you three questions? why is he looking for answers? and why were you thinking so hard to get one more cigarette? you knew that wanting a cigarette so desperately wasn't healthy. you were one hundred percent sure that you had a serious addiction problem and you wouldn't be able to change it for a long time.

ㅤㅤㅤ —okay.

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore smiles, putting the cigarette in his pants pocket until it's time to give it to you. he looks up at the sky as if trying to think of his first question.

ㅤㅤㅤ —why do you smoke?

ㅤㅤㅤ you look at him with a raised eyebrow, causing a sarcastic smile to appear on his face. theodore had just discovered that the red on your cheeks increases with your obvious annoyance with him.

ㅤㅤㅤ —because i want to. —you both knew it was a lie, and you ignore his suggestive look, asking for more information—. my turn. shouldn’t you be with some girl on top of you?

ㅤㅤㅤ he takes a drag on his cigarette and looks in the direction of the darkened castle. there’s a hint of amusement in his gaze that makes you wonder what’s causing it.

ㅤㅤㅤ —nothing can assure you that i wasn’t with a woman before coming here. still, i’m impressed that’s the vision you have of me. a guy who sleeps with a new girl every weekend —he says, walking two steps closer to you—. honestly, it’s exam season, i’m not really interested in rolling around with other girls when i’m thinking about how to beat you.

ㅤㅤㅤ there’s a hint of remorse or sadness in his voice that repeats in the back of your mind. somehow, that makes your defenses go down, and you look at him carefully, taking advantage of his ignorance. how crazy would it be if right under his eyes there were three moles identical to the three marías?

ㅤㅤㅤ —why do you smoke? —the confusion in your gaze is obvious, but theodore just stays there—. yes, that's my second question.

ㅤㅤㅤ you don't know if it's because his eyes are chained to yours or the tranquility that his whole body emanates as he takes two more steps closer to you, but you feel a wave of peace that only manages to make a series of answers travel to your mind. there were so many reasons, so many pains or ideas that you wanted to turn off.

ㅤㅤㅤ —because i hope that it frees me. i don't dislike it, but i don't like it either —you admit, smiling in the middle of a sigh—. i smoke because there's always something that haunts me, and i never know how to stop it.

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore can see how your gaze falls to the ground, feeling ashamed of what you had just said. could he understand it? yes, of course he did. after all, he was just like you in many ways and had used the same self-destruction techniques for a long time.

ㅤㅤㅤ you look at him. you know he's waiting for your second question, but you haven't thought about it, and you dedicate yourself to observing the sky. the twinkling stars from blue to yellow tones, immense moon that looks like a toenail and shooting stars that disappear the second they travel.

ㅤㅤㅤ —why are you here? —you whisper, turning to see how his eyes shine.

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore takes two more steps in your direction. every time he gets closer, you find some detail that interests you. moles in areas you had never noticed, spots from the light that stand out with the contrast of their paleness and scars with stories.

ㅤㅤㅤ —i couldn't sleep.

ㅤㅤㅤ —so you weren’t with a girl? —you ask, feeling your heart race as the words slip out without any thought.

ㅤㅤㅤ —you just used up your last question. —you frown, he steps closer, standing two steps away—. you asked three questions. so, it’s my turn.

ㅤㅤㅤ —what? no, that’s not...

ㅤㅤㅤ —you have no right to ask another question.

ㅤㅤㅤ you try to say something else, but theodore has a new air that leaves you completely silent. it’s unbearable.

ㅤㅤㅤ —and no. the answer to your question is no. i’m curious about your insistence, but i’m not going to waste my last question —he says, throwing his whistle to the ground—. why are we still fighting battles that aren’t ours to fight?

ㅤㅤㅤ your eyelashes flutter rapidly in bewilderment. you’re envious of how calm and carefree he is. why couldn’t you be like him? why did he seem to stop trying so hard a long time ago? why were you still trying so hard to catch up to him?

ㅤㅤㅤ —i’ll be honest with you. you don’t look like the worst person on the planet. you always look perfect, your friends adore you, and if i asked anyone, they’d say you’re an angel. why are we still fighting over something as stupid as our grades?

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore keeps staring at you, and you can’t think straight. there’s no honest thought in your head about your hatred. really none. you didn’t hate the girls who made fun of you during freshman year or your strict parents or grandparents. you didn't hate chocolate as much as you don't like its sweetness, much less smoking when you hate the smoke inside your mouth. why do you hate him?

ㅤㅤㅤ —it's been so many years, theodore. don't you think it's foolish to look back at this point?

ㅤㅤㅤ he shakes his head, smiling softly and looking out at the horizon.

ㅤㅤㅤ —it would be foolish to never have asked you. i hated you when i was little because you were always one step ahead of me. —you shake your head because it's not how you remember it—. don't look at me like that. we both know that, even though i managed to beat you in all those shitty activities our parents forced us to do, you always make my world tremble.

ㅤㅤㅤ his gaze is fixed on the horizon, avoiding crossing glances with you.

ㅤㅤㅤ —i don't know how not to hate you. i grew up living in your shadow for my own parents, theo. they told me over and over that anything i would do, you would do it better. do i hate you now? probably a little less than yesterday, but i feel like i have to keep winning.

ㅤㅤㅤ he laughs, turning to look at you from head to toe with a smile that you could classify in a list of beautiful things.

ㅤㅤㅤ there is a silence that embraces both of you. he is so close that, when you turn to draw the dark mountains with large shadows of trees, you can feel the heat that his body gives off. you would have wanted to escape. however, you do not move for a warmth that envelops you comfortingly. maybe you could bear it.

ㅤㅤㅤ after an hour, sleep begins to weigh on your eyelids, closing softly every now and then. then you stretch, catching theodore’s attention, who hadn’t said or moved a muscle in the entire time.

ㅤㅤㅤ —i think i’ll go to sleep —you say, walking awkwardly towards the exit.

ㅤㅤㅤ theodore nods his head and says—: i’ll stay a little longer.

ㅤㅤㅤ you nod, waving goodbye. on the short walk to the stairs you can only think about how nice the last hour had been. then, motivated by a force greater than your own conscience, you turn. theodore was already looking in your direction.

ㅤㅤㅤ —we should do this again —you whisper, gripping the stair railing—. next time, i’ll win.

ㅤㅤㅤ —it wasn’t a competition.

ㅤㅤㅤ —whatever you say.

ㅤㅤㅤ he watches you disappear, running down the stairs with a smile that's impossible to avoid. that little annoyance he had felt of you being in the place that always gives him loneliness disappeared, and he eagerly waits for it to happen again. besides, you had completely forgotten about the cigarette he was supposed to give you.

#theodore nott #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x y/n #theo nott #theo nott x reader #theo nott x y/n #theo nott x you #theodore nott scenarios #slytherin #slytherin boys #harry potter #wizarding world #oceanic was found crying bc she gave everything in this one #oceanic fav ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

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