#happy pride month woowoo

[hashtagcaneven]

[forabeatofadrum]

Hello and El WooWoo! @artsyunderstudy and @you-remind-me-of-the-babe tagged me on Sunday, but that day was moving day so I didn't have time to post. And then Monday and Tuesday AND today was more moving stuff so folks, I skipped SSS. Gasp! This was actually the first time I skipped a SSS/WW post ever since I started doing these in November 2021 (🤯). Honestly, I am not even sure how I managed to keep this "streak" going for so long.

ANYWAY. FIC. It's Pride Month, my dudes, and I have a pride themed chapter planned for Ljubili se. I've had this planned since I started outlining the story and it would be ideal if I were to post it in actual pride month, but alas. The Pride(TM) chapter is chapter 11. I posted chapter 9 a week ago or so BUT I HAVE NOTHING FOR CHAPTER 10 YET.

Ah well, at least I am not a big company. I'm fine with posting pride stuff after June. Here's some of the Pride(TM) chapter, though:

Blaine follows Kurt, Santana and Dani. Dani and Santana are chatting happily. They've already done some pregaming at Dani's place and they are very happy because of it. The outside doesn't look too flashy, apart from the string with little pride flags that's decorating the building. There are so many of them and it's colourful. It's Blaine's first time going to a gay bar and he hates that he wishes that it weren't so obvious. He loves the flags, truly, but he's very aware that everyone around him will be able to see what place he's entering. "You okay?" Kurt asks, "We can still go and watch a movie." Dani and Santana don't waste time. They enter the bar without a second thought and Blaine looks up to the flags again. Isn't this the point? Doesn't he want visibility? He's come out to Santana and Rachel. He's planning on telling his family. He's nervous, truly, but he also definitely wants this. Yes, people will see where he's going, but he wants to be here. He grabs Kurt's hand and the two of them follow Dani and Santana inside.

Does anyone have a fun title for a gay bar?

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @coffeegleek @caramelcoffeeaddict @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @that-disabled-princess @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @cutestkilla ​ @wellbelesbian ​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites @whatevertheweather @theotherhufflepuff @shame-is-a-wasted-emotion @esilher @kurtsascot @blackberrysummerblog @nightimedreamersghost @ivelovedhimthroughworse @thnxforknowingme

[sassmill]

Fuck fuck FUCK that post reminded me of everything I felt earlier and now I’m deep in my feelings again

[laneybug926]

My dance with anxiety

For some, this quarantine experience has been the worst thing ever and they are about to go mad.  For others, this has been a time of thriving, creativity, and growth.  For most of us, we lie somewhere in the middle and fluctuate between the negatives and positives.  I live on my own, so in addition to isolation, I’ve been in my headspace a lot.  Yes, it’s a great time for introspection and getting to know oneself, don’t get me wrong.  However, my triggers tend to surface and my dear friend anxiety likes to manifest. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but for me it’s easiest to bottle it up, deny it’s existence, or become the victim.  I know I’m not the only one due to 4 out of the 6 members of my immediate family behaving very similar. It sometimes feels better to say ‘poor me’ or  ‘I’m like this due to my anxiety’ or ‘I feel neglected’ and so on. But is it helpful to only dwell on that part of it? Most likely not. 

Before I proceed, I ought to share a bit of a background story that will weave into my current one.  So over the last two months, I was lucky enough to encounter and connect with my twin flame.  A twin flame in simplest terms is a mirrored soul.  There are theories that it’s a soul literally split into half, but that’s a whole separate philosophical rabbit hole.  Anyways, twin flames have a lot of similarities, but can also be polar opposite with others.  Think of a yin/yang, sun/moon, fire/ice, etc. They need it as if it’s a magnetic pull that brings them together.  From what I’ve learned, twin flames often appear when a person needs to ‘awaken’ so to speak or grow.  Once again in a ‘woowoo’ term, it’s usually thought of as ascension, but once again that’s for another time. This period of grown/change is great and creepy at the same time.  However,  It’s not always a happy thing, in fact they are known to reveal parts of yourself that aren’t so great or a ‘shadow self’.  In just two months, I’ve had instances where they’ve literally held a mirror to my face, spoke the truth, and more or less said ‘get your act together’.  One of these happened this morning and quite honestly, they couldn’t have been anymore spot on.  As a result, I listened and it became the catalyst I think I’ve needed for a long time. You see, quite often I bottle up my issues and put on a happy face...maybe it’s denial or shame or a pride thing. However, denying it or playing the poor victimized child isn’t helping me.  Mine also manifests as lack of self confidence, people pleasing, or lack of self worth. Once again, I’m sure I’m not alone, but I need to get out of the mud and progress.  My twin flame may not know this, but a lot of my classes that I’m currently taking are helping me with finding different outlets, recognizing certain behavior patterns, and identifying my triggers. Not to say that I haven’t looked into it on my own, but as a different/unbiased/outside approach.  So I plan to keep up with them as well as my other ‘challenges’.   Moving forward, I will use my anxiety to inspire art, writing, dance, skating, rants, utilizing groups/forums, connecting with others, and any other way to release it.  After all, some of the greatest works of art were created as a result of pain and anxiety.  Perhaps someday I’ll create a masterpiece and make millions.  Just kidding! In all seriousness, it’s something i definitely need to start making into a habit.   Now I know there will be days where the Universe will stick her middle finger up at me along with long lines, traffic jams, and wind blowing my siding off...but it’s time to face it head on and grow as my person.

I don’t know where I’ll be in a year.  I hope to Goddess we’ll be out of this pandemic, that I’ll be healthy, and make my happiness a priority.  While they come and go, I hope the friends dear to me will still stick around.  I hope I’ll be living my life to the fullest and immersed in life’s messy labyrinth of pain, happiness, love, laughter, tears, stress, and everything in between.  Anxiety will be transformed into my ally and I’ll keep them in check by releasing the chaos in a healthy way. After all, I’m the only Queen of my life, it’s time I straighten my crown and rule. So thank you to my twin flame(you-know-who-you-are) for being truthful with me and helping me become a better person.  I hope someday that I can do the same for you<3. 

Also, to all of those struggling right now, you are not alone.  I hear you, can sympathize, and will never judge.  Stay tuned for more thoughts during this new journey to my best self. I may share some art, bits of writing, creative writing, rants, raves, and more. Sending love, support, and sunshine to all those who need it.

[darkenokami]

Oh yeah woowoo HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO YOU ALL YAAYAYAYYAY

[forabeatofadrum]

El WooWoo Wednesday, especially to @artsyunderstudy​ and @larkral​ because they tagged me. Happy last day before Pride!

It is once again Thesis Wednesday because I am slowly wrapping this up. My WIP of the past few months is coming together and it’s uhhh it’s going. I have way too many words and also I don’t think it is very consistent. I’ll see.

Have the first paragraph of my conclusion:

The aim of this research is to explore how queer women give meaning to the representation of queer women in television series and films. Queer women give meaning to representation through the perception they have of television series and films, how queer women are treated differently in television series and films, what influence television series and films have, and by identifying with queer women in television series and films.

This sounds vague, doesn’t it? Yeah. I went in depth in the results chapter, which is definitely way too long, but a lot of interesting stuff was said, so we’ll see.

Still, I gotta say I’m not happy with this sentence cause honestly what does this even mean? If you, the reader who has no explanation, reads this, then how does this make you feel? Cause I dunno about you all, but when I read papers I first read the abstract, then the introduction and then I skip straight to the conclusion. I only read the rest if I need extra explanation or when I have to for classes etc.

Like, yeah, I understand what this means and also if you read my entire thesis thoroughly, you will hopefully do too. But let’s be real, apart from my thesis advisor, who’s gonna read the full thing? And that’s a shame, because there were so many interesting results. Even now, I’m like “Ask me what they thought about X, Y, Z!” and I could go off. But I don’t seem to have space to repeat that in my conclusion chapter.

I have to hand in the results and conclusions tomorrow and then the first draft of the entire thesis is due next week. I hope to have more clarity.

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos​ @blurglesmurfklaine​ @coffeegleek​ @esperantoauthor​ @otherworldsivelivedin​ @caramelcoffeeaddict​ @sillyunicorn​ @bazzybelle​ @dragoneggos​ @raenestee​ @tectonicduck​ @nightimedreamersworld​ @urban-sith​ @thnxforknowingme​ @captain-aralias​ @you-remind-me-of-the-babe​ @takitalks​ @justgleekout​ @cerriddwenluna​ @tea-brigade​ @ivelovedhimthroughworse​ @moodandmist​ @whogaveyoupermission​ @bookish-bogwitch​ @confused-bi-queer​ @aroace-genderfluid-sheep​ @ionlydrinkhotwater​ @1908jmd​ @special-bc-ur-part-of-it​ @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​​ @cutestkilla​​ @nausikaaa​​/@wellbelesbian​​ @martsonmars​​ @facewithoutheart​​ @shrekgogurt​ @boyinjeans​ @rockitmans​ @bitbybitwrites​ @blackberrysummerblog​​