#happy happy happy in this moment

[artfulacrostic]

can i be so honest yall. getting cast as an understudy for my second to last quarter before graduating was not my ambition.

HOWEVER.

my director is a fucking goat bc she cast me as an understudy for a MAN. to be clear, in this show each actor plays a bunch of characters, sometimes of varying genders. but regardless of this. every single member of the regular 10-person cast has an understudy who matches their gender identity. and i, an afab person who is gender-fluid and uses any pronouns interchangeably without much preference, and is Always cast as a female character, am understudying A Man.

HUGE. fucking HUGE!!!

i've been intentionally auditioning using one male and one female monologue for several years, and often singing audition songs that were originated by men (depending on the show and the audition specifications) because i'm capable of that w my vocal range. and apart from the occasional foray into greek chorus style ensemble bits, i've never managed to break out of the Woman casting.

to be clear, this is mostly fine. i care more about telling the story and playing an interesting part than about how i am always a woman onstage. and i'm a woman, sure, so they're not wrong but like. i'm also a guy. and just a person in general to be honest. and being considered to portray characters of the general male persuasion regardless of my being afab is something that i feel strongly abt. and i've never been given that chance.

there is an extremely low likelihood that i will perform my role, or have to go on for the main cast member (incidentally a friend of mine) for any reason, even in rehearsal. but what my director is saying by doing this, is that i could. i am a VIABLE CHOICE to replace a male actor in his role and can be relied upon to provide a performance that will speak to the show's message and the director's vision.

so while being an understudy is difficult and thankless work with little to be had in terms of resources and payoff via performance time, i feel seen in a really cheesy but sincere way, even though it's subtle. i am being recognized as a gender-fluid performer, and someone who can fill a man's role just as easily as i could a woman's. the lack of non-binary roles in a lot of theater is a whole other topic but when living in the binary world auditions and productions often present, i'll take what i can get. and i'm really really happy in this moment.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[cyber-corp]

🥳🏠

[chloesimaginationthings]

He has no mouth but he must scream in FNAF..

[framblebee]

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 1x2 | 1x3 | 1x4

[kalicocal]

there's something about caitlyn's playful stare and the fact that they're both giggling that made this scene all the more intimate to me

[ceeejus]

break in the case

[heph]

A Moment in Time - Dearly Missed

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

[theodysseyofhomer]

spare thought for the enslaved shepherds in greek mythology/tragedy who rescue the exposed doom babies... sometimes they know why the baby was left to die, sometimes they don't. they just — it's a baby. no one else wants it. you can't leave it here. what harm could it do. it's a baby. you want it to live. it's a baby

[cardo-de-comer]

And here's the whole series. I'm kinda proud of myself - when they all put together I can see the amount of work - and I love my characters a lot. :) Now, I wonder, which one is your favorite? My personal favorite is 2nd - I think I did Lyra justice with those wings. Since this is gonna be a long post anyway, I'm gonna add a few sketches for some of them below.

Last one was an alternative variant for the 10th piece but I imagined that people would misinterpret it BAD so I decided to draw another one. I still like this sketch, however, maybe I'll finish it with lineart or sth like that. And another sketch also had Devil in it but since this piece was more focused on emptiness, I just erased him. Well now you know he was there. And about the knife... now you know who did that, too. After holidays I want to update my lore post a bit so stay tuned for that :]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

License to Kitty.

[thefabledpheasant]

During this sequence that’s supposed to feel victorious and like, “yeah things aren’t perfect, but the good guys won today!” Merlin watches Guinevere and Arthur hug intimately and you know what? He looks sad.

He looks like he wishes he could touch Arthur so freely and affectionately. He looks like he’s desperate to be seen for everything he is and everything he’s done for him. He looks like he’s accepting he’ll never be with Arthur like that and it’s breaking his heart.

That man is deeply in love and he can’t do anything about it. He is happy for them because he just wants them to be happy, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like a dagger in his heart.

It reminds me of that quote from Sherlock, “you look sad when you think he can’t see you”

[expectiations]

Alex: “Do you want me to whisper what your name is?”

Jodie: “Yes!”

Interviewer: “Was it a good one?”

Jodie: “YES!”

[chloesimaginationthings]

This isn’t Gregory and Cassie’s first meet in FNAF..