#happy birthday to dean winchester who is alive and well and loved

[greatcometcas]

- I HAVE HOPE (David Byrne, One Fine Day, American Utopia) || insp.

[wigglebox]

Happy Birthday Dean Winchester! 💖

[tldix]

Do i wanna know?

summary: fleeing to college after catching your highschool sweetheart cheating, you find yourself right back in your home town 4 years later. your degree almost complete & your sanity slowly slipping, you find solace in the one place you know you shouldn’t. your dads best friend. Dean Winchester.

word count: idk something embarrassingly long probably🫣

warnings : mature 18+, dbf, AU, yearning AF, spn content, grumpy/sunshine ish?? idk (im trying to include most of the main characters from spn, again AU)

a/n: this is my 2nd ever fic so pls be nice 😔 (& lmk your thoughts, any ideas you may want added) i have every intention of making this a series, if you wanna be added to my tag list just comment 🫶🏼 with alllll this being said i hope you enjoy 🥲

The airport was alive with chaos—families reuniting, announcements echoing overhead, and the constant shuffle of luggage wheels against tiled floors. you adjusted the strap of your duffel bag & guitar case as you took a steadying breath as you followed the crowd toward baggage claim.

It had been months since you last came home, and even longer since you had really felt at home. College had consumed you, with its never-ending stream of exams, late-night study sessions, and endless cups of cheap coffee. Now, with your degree in psychology just a semester away, the weight of expectations pressed heavier on your shoulders.

you tugged her phone from your pocket and skimmed the last text from your dad.

| see you soon kid. we can stop at Bobby’s diner on the way home. i know he’d be over the moon to see you, bet you’re sick of all that tofu & books. don’t forget your still my daughter- not some Freud-loving brainiac”

you stifle a giggle as you head towards the parking lot, eyes skimming for the old green dodge your dad refuses to part with. you let your thoughts drift back to a time before you left for college. when you were waitressing at Bobby’s diner, when you were still with that jackass Colter. when the world felt as if it was falling apart. you quickly shake the thoughts from your head, moving your feet along the pavement out the double doors. your eyes fall on your dads truck, he jumps out with a 9 mile smile as he runs towards you.

“dad! oh my gosh i’ve missed you”

your dad picks you up, wrapping you in one of his signature bear hugs. you melted into his embrace, breathing in the scent of motor oil and aftershave.

“sticks, Look who’s back from the land of overpriced coffee and vegan muffins!”

“Dad, not everyone in college eats vegan muffins.” you laughed.

as your dad grabs your bags, he bombards you with questions. “how was school?” “didn’t meet another jackass like that one boy did you?” “i’m so glad you’re home now sticks, i was real tired of eating take out”

finally. this is what you were searching for. the peace feeling only your dad can seem to give you. the home feeling. you bite the inside of your cheek, feeling the warm smile trying to seep through the wedges in your teeth. you glance out the window, seeing all the familiar streets & shops. the Macleod bakery, Harvelles road house, the dentist your dad would fight tooth & nail to get you into. how was Garth now? you found yourself wondering. it’s been a long time since you were home, you couldn’t be happier. for the first time in years you felt as if you had absolutely no worries. none at all, well until your dad said

“i planned you a welcome home party, more like a bbq but dean was more than happy to let us use his grill. it’s saturday if that works for you sweetheart?”

Dean Winchester had been a part of your life for as long as you could remember, like an unofficial uncle who never missed a BBQ or a birthday. He and your dad, J.P., had been best friends since their teens, inseparable through thick and thin. Dean was brash, charming, and had a knack for pushing your buttons in the way only he could. you hadn’t seen him since Christmas, but the memory of his teasing smirk lingered in your mind.

“sweetheart? is that okay?”

you fumble over your words, trying to push them out & making them seem as nonchalant as possible.

“yeah uh that’s fine dad. can’t wait”

you glance up to see your dad pulling into his usual parking spot outside Bobby’s diner. Bobby was a good man, your dad’s parents weren’t around when you were born so Bobby was quick to claim you as his own granddaughter. blood or not, youre family. as you open the creaky door of your dads old truck, you find every peace of worry gone again. you practically skip to the door, tearing it open as you glance around. ‘that old man really doesn’t change shit’ you thought to yourself.

“sticks? is that really you?”

you thought you were fine, you really convinced yourself until you heard that deep baritone voice. now you felt the ache of tears pressing against your eyes. you whip your head around, eyes meeting the one & only Bobby Singer. the whole diners stopped eating & talking. honing in on the grumpy old man facade slipping from Bobby’s face. you find yourself jogging over to him, he drops the tray to the floor as he quickly envelopes you into a hug.

“Pops! it’s so good to see you”

your voice is muffled from the hold Bobby has on you, his own tears falling down his face into his flannel to mix with yours. you glance up meeting his eyes as he says

“damnit girl, i can’t believe you’re here. how was school? you back for good?”

you pull yourself away hesitantly

“i’m back for good pops. finishing out my last semester here, was hoping you still had that waitressing position open”

your eyebrows shoot up hopefully as a small smirk falls on your face, Bobby wraps his arm around your shoulder as he chuckles

“for you? of course.”

Bobby’s eyes finally meet your fathers, he pulls Jp into a tight hug

“hell boy why didn’t you tell me she was coming home. i’d have-“

jp chuckles as he cuts bobby off

“listen old man, you got enough going on. plus i figured a surprise would do you some good. especially a sticks shaped surprise”

hours passed as you sat & caught up with Bobby, his eyes never leaving yours. almost like he couldn’t believe you were really here. you talked about school, the waitressing job you had in California (but making sure to let Bobby know no place could compare to his). as you ate a smile never left your face, Jp & Bobby telling you stories about the 4 years you were gone. youre laughing, you’re crying. you didn’t know you could feel so many emotions just by coming home. you’re about to leave when Bobby pulls you aside. hugging you as he tells you

“sticks now listen. i know you don’t wanna hear what i’m bout to say but i also know if you hear it from anyone else you’ll lose it. Col-“

you pull away, locking eyes with Bobby

“pops please don’t-“

“wait just a second lemme finish. Colters getting married. got a baby on the way”

you felt the ground beneath your crumble. no, no, no. that couldn’t be happening. your highschool sweetheart. your first kiss, your first- well everything. sure he was mean, a tiny bit abusive but he was yours. or so you thought.

“what do you mean pops? he- he can’t be. there’s no way”

you stumble back but before you fall, bobby’s arms are around you.

“i know kiddo. i know. but hey, maybe it’s better this way huh?”

his hands are wiping the tears you didn’t realize were falling. you had so many questions, did he really love me? how could he move on? why did he never reach out? well maybe it’s because he was too busy out getting some skank pregnant. wait no you can’t think like that, she didn’t do anything to you. it wasn’t like this mystery woman was holding your heart in your hands, no that was that stupid prick Colter.

“who?”

“who what sticks?”

bobby’s eyes look too worrisome. you hate when he gives you those eyes.

“who is he marrying”

bobby sighs, suddenly finding the sticky old floorboards far more interesting than the expression that’s gunna cross your face.

“jo.”

oh that hurt, jo. jo harvelle. your childhood bestfriend. bobby’s grip tightened on you, holding you steady as you go through the waves crashing through you. anger. hurt. betrayal. your dad approaches, seeing the light leave your eyes. he glances at Bobby, sharing a knowing look with him. he wraps his arm around, letting you bid your farewells as he lead you to the truck. as he opened the door for you, you slung yourself into the seat.

“sticks i- i’m sorry”

you wipe the rest of the tears from your face, nodding as you glance around the truck. your eyes get stuck on the polaroid of you & jo. a picture you used to cherish so deeply, but now you’d rather see it cast into the pits of hell. your dad catches what you’re eyes are lingering on as he closes your door. he makes his way around to his side, quickly grabbing the polaroid & stashing it away. he knew when you got told the news things would be different, your pain would be different. Colter was one thing, your highschool sweetheart who never lived up to the ‘sweetheart’ part. the man who made you shed more tears than you ever should’ve, the man who left you alone wondering where he was most nights when he was shacking it up at Harvelles bar, who wouldn’t answer his phone. your dad knew all this, he was the one you called when you couldn’t take it anymore. he was the one who came & picked you up from Colters parents house the night you ended things. the night you found out he cheated. 2 weeks before you left for college. your dad also knew that after you left, there wasn’t a thing he could say or do to make you come back. Jo on the other hand, she was your best friend. practically your sister. there wasn’t a weekend where Jo wasn’t at his house, in his pool, watching you & him work on cars & when you got older the one who helped you sneak those cars out. the one you called when Colter wasn’t treating you right. the one who called you when she knew Colter was at her moms bar. it felt unreal to your father, he couldn’t imagine how you felt.

The hum of tires on asphalt filled the silence as you pulled into the driveway of your childhood home. The house looked the same—warm porch lights glowing, the familiar sight of your first car parked sideways on the side of the house. the garage open, showing the new muscle car your dad must be going nuts over. Jp killed the engine and exhaled deeply. After four years away at college, home felt both comforting and alien.

Inside, you found seemingly nothing changed. the recliner was still the same, the stacks of car manuals everywhere, the coffee cup sized rim indentions on your dads side table, the only different thing was a picture you & your dad took on the 4th of july hanging above the tv stand. you’re standing in a pair of old jean shorts, your red bikini top sneaking out the side of your old worn white t-shirt covered in motor oil. your dad has his signature blue dodgers cap on, his mechanic uniform still clinging to him. laughing right back with you as he holds his belly. Sam took the picture & you were so thankful he did. you carried yourself up to your childhood bedroom, the only thing that changed was the size of the bed. instead of the measly little twin you now were the proud owner of a queen. the sage green comforter looked like a cloud, a dream even.

you dig out a change of clothes, your toiletries & make your way to your bathroom. the peace sign poster you picked out with Jo staring menacingly at you through the reflection. you hesitate for a second before deciding to rip it down. you crumble it up, throwing it in the trash can as you run a hand through your hair. stupid. that’s how you felt. why did you think you’d come back & everything would be waiting for you like the day you left? your eyes longed for tears to fall, you glance up catching yourself in the reflection before you shake your shoulders & sigh. you rip the airport clothes off, turning on a hot shower as you slip in. you hum the tune of an AC/DC song as you lather the soap in your hands & through your hair. you’re back, regardless of how anyone else feels. your got your job back at Bobby’s, you’re finishing your degree this year. everything’s gunna work out. everything’s gunna be fine, but if that was the truth why did you feel as if something was missing?

you get out of the shower, quickly drying off as you throw on a old tank top & a pair of sweats. you towel dry your hair, glancing over to the fogged up mirror as you pull a brush through it. you throw your dirty clothes in your laundry basket as you slide on your slippers. you make your way back to your room, settling down on the bed as you open up your bag.

your dads footsteps tear you from your thoughts, you glance up as he’s carrying a beer. you take it thankfully as he settles beside you on the bed, glancing over at your guitar case.

“you still play sticks?”

you nod, as you take a swig of your beer

“i do. ain’t played as much as id like too with how busy things have been though”

your dad takes a swig of his own beer, he smiles as he says

“well after dinner i want you to play me something”

you smile & nod, you loved playing for your dad. he’s who taught you really, who gave you the guitar you lug around everywhere. you run your fingers absentmindedly across the label of the beer as you think back to the time he gave you the guitar. it was your 11th birthday, the smile he beamed down at you was something you’d never allow yourself to forget. that, that was probably your happiest memory. your dads voice interrupts your thoughts as he says

“well i’ll be out in the garage. we’ll have some company for dinner since i gotta work from home today. you need me you come find me okay sugar?”

you smile to yourself, boy was it great to have someone care so much for you. you were used to just being ignored, not making but 1 singular friend in your years of college. Ashley. she was like a girl you’d never met before, ambitious, smart, beautiful, funny. the sarcasm that girl carried was something unreal. your dad already loved her after meeting her the one singular time he flew out to visit. you plop down on your bed, pulling your phone out as you quickly press ashley’s number. she picks up after the 3rd sing yelling through the phone

“sticks! come back oh god i’ll never make it without you”

sticks? since when did ashley also call you that? what is with everyone wanting this nickname to stick? you roll your eyes at your unintentional pun

“well hello there ash i miss you too” you giggle into the phone

“but no seriously how is it? feel better being at home?”

you bite back the endless trials of emotions you went through today, choosing not to unload the disaster your life’s become in a measly 24 hours. you find yourself picking at the thread of your sweats as you offer small talk, informing her you got your job back at the diner until you graduate. her swearing she’s flying out the second the gets the chance. you giggle & talk as you glance at the clock, you realized you completely lost track of time & you were sure dinner was ready. you hang up, promising you’ll call her after your first day as you make your way downstairs, the scent of ordered in pizza catches your nose as you giggle to yourself. as your feet touch the bottom step your dad turns to you

“well there she is, cmon sticks say hello”

you walk around the doorframe as your heart catches in your throat. Dean. Winchester.

“hey Freud” he greeted, his voice low drawl “long time no see”

“Freud, really?” you arched any eyebrow, meeting his gaze. his green eyes sparkled with mischief, & that smirk — God that smirk — was firmly in place.

“Freud, Jung, whoever you kids are into these days” dean shot back, standing from his place on the couch.

your dad chuckles

“don’t mind him, he’s just mad he’s too old to understand what you’re studying”

you laugh as you shake your head

dean cuts in as he says

“oh i understand it just fine” he said as he walks up to you “it’s all about mommy issues, right?”

you snorted

“i’m studying psychology, not you dean”

your dad burst out laughing, deans smirk faltering for a moment. he gave you an exaggerated bow as he says “Touchè”

as your dad drags dean over to the table you let yourself study his features, he looked the same — rough around the edges but effortlessly put together. his hands calloused & stained in motor oil. the veins prominent as he grabs the pizza box, smiling at something your father said. you quickly averted your gaze, feeling an unwelcomed heat creep up your neck.

“so sticks you nervous bout being back?”

your dad asks

you hesitated unsure of how to answer especially after the whirlwind of emotions you had to overcome today.

“a little. it’s been awhile, you know? i’m used to being busy all the time. having my job back at Pops surely will help though”

“well you’re home now.” your dad said, his voice warm. “relax, eat something other than cafeteria food & maybe give some of your old man here some of that brainiac advice” he beams

“careful” dean adds smirking, “you might open a can of worms with that one if you ain’t careful ‘old man’ “

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small smirk that fell on your face. it felt good to be back, banter, baggage & all.

—————————————

by the time you made it to the table you were trying to decide if you could just crawl up to your room or out the window, on the latter they would definitely know something was up. i mean your dad knew, he seen it first hand all day. but dean? no. he could not & would not see you crumble over something like that. it was hard enough to try to keep the actual relationship issues from dean when it happened, he definitely didn’t need the after effects.

you decided what’s the worst that could happen, you’re in your own home. with your father, & really you were just nervous. you did not expect to see dean today, not any day before saturday really. that’s why you find yourself turning to your dad & joking

“i’m surprised the houses still stands after how long i was gone”

“barely sticks” jp jokes as he grumbles “dean here only fixed the roof last week, don’t lean on the railing. it’s a death trap”

“hey that’s quality work” dean protests before taking a bite of his pizza

“quality work” you echoed, eyeing him. “remind me not to hire you when i get my own place.”

dean grins, leaning back in his chair as he wipes the pizza sauce from his lip

“don’t worry. i charge extra for smartasses”

your dad throws him a joking glare as he gets up to fetch some beers, leaving you both alone for the first moment since youve been home. you shift in your seat as you take a bite of your pizza.

“it’s good to see you sticks” dean said, his tone softer now as he catches your eye

you look up, startled by the sincerity in his voice. a small smile fights it way to your lips as you say “you too dean”

for a fleeting moment, you felt as if something electric, & impossible to ignore flashed between you. as quick as the moment appeared it dissolved when your dad breached the door with a huge grin

“beers here”

————————-

[novastaree]

im going to say what probably everyone on here has said but i need to say it somewhere anyways.

its insane that both brothers forgot about Adam

i kinda understand how Dean forgot about Adam kinda like he only really met the kid once. That meeting being the same one where they lost him to an archangel and the other not technically real meeting were he beat a monster that looked like him to death. But yk those are forgettable moments in spn world

but sam?? literally how? he was in hell with Adam for like 150 years and still pushed him to the back of his mind for 10 years? and sure most of that time he was being tortured by the devil but when he got out he never thought about the other boy in the cage?

And the worst part was they went back to the cage and didn't even mention him!! they released the devil before asking about their brother they pulled into hell. Lucifer is the only one to mention Michael that episode and they decide to believe him for some reason

Sam and Dean also only ever remember Michael is alive. it's like they forget Michael has been possessing their brother and they think they can have Michael without Adam. Maybe they thought that because it was easier to think Michael got rid of Adam at some point then actually try and help the kid.

They didn't try hard enough for Adam and some people say it's because he didn't earn it but if anybody earned it I believe it was Adam. He got killed because he was related to John Winchester, Just like how sam and dean were basically cursed for being his son. Then Adam got a second chance because of the angels and he almost chose his brothers but couldn't because they failed to save him and choose to save each other once again.

And If that didn't earn him a chance to be saved did that not earn him a chance to be remembered?

And after that he didn't get another chance to prove himself to them. guess why? because the Winchesters throw him into hell! And I don't even think he should have had too prove himself anyways because he was honestly an innocent boy just cursed and forgotten because of who he was related to

so Adam was forgotten by Dean who probably only forgot him because Adam took Deans burden for him and by Sam who he suffered through the worst parts of hell with and not one real attempt was made to save him

well anyways happy birthday Adam Milligan🎉🎊🎂 have fun celebrating with Michael on his special day as well

also sorry if this rant was pointless and confusing i just love to yap about my favorite 'Winchester' brother and the injustice done on him

(also why did the Angels try to save Sam but not their big brother Michael who practically ran heaven? seems unfair as well, poor midam always being forgotten by their brothers)

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Birthday Pie

main masterlist | supernatural masterlist

SPOILERS! set between seasons 7 and 8 of supernatural, there are spoilers for both these seasons

summary: you celebrate his birthday even when he’s gone

pairing: dean winchester x female reader

rating: R for language

word count: 0.9k

warnings: sad, not at all a happy birthday for our beloved lil guy, language

author’s note: i’m sorry, okay? i’ve had this idea in my head for months and decided that today is a good day to release it? anyway, happy 45th birthday dean winchester! love you and very glad you’re alive and well and the series finale never happened! :)

January 24th, 2013 — Dean’s 34th Birthday.

You were barely able to drag yourself out of bed and into the living room where you were now seated and watching TV. It didn’t matter what was on, you weren’t paying attention anyway. Your mind was completely focused on Dean. Your beloved Dean; who shouldn’t be wherever the fuck he was but instead safe in your arms.

He shouldn’t be spending his birthday terrified, missing you and his brother. He should be spending it with you, Sam, and Cas.

Sure, he wasn’t really the birthday party type of guy but each year since you met him you’d gotten him a pie and put candles in it for him to blow out. It’d started as a half-assed attempt to put a smile on his face when you learned it was his birthday and you couldn’t find a cake at the store.

He’d loved it.

“How’d you know I’d rather have pie?” he had asked, his face lighting up even more when you put two candles—a two and a four—in the center.

“I…had a feeling.” You had shrugged it off as not a big deal but deep down you both knew how much it meant to him.

And each year since then—come rain, shine, monsters, or the apocalypse—you made it your job to get Dean Winchester a pie on his birthday.

A few tears rolled down your cheeks, joining the half-dried ones there already. You hadn’t been sad on Dean’s birthday since his year before hell. But it was different then, you had him next to you and you were savoring every second. You might have been terrified of what would soon happen, but you were still with him.

**

“If you’re not already aware, Dean,” Castiel started, “you turn thirty-four today.”

“What?” Dean asked, confused. “Cas we—”

“Granted time seems to be passing differently here, but on earth it is currently your birthday.”

“Happy birthday, brother,” Benny joked.

“Yeah real fuckin’ happy,” Dean scoffed. “We’re stuck killing our way through this fuckin’ nightmare while the love of my life is spending my birthday alone.”

“I’m sure she’s okay, Dean,” Cas assured him. “She has Sam, he’ll look after her until we get back.”

“No, you don’t get it. Birthdays were…they were our thing, if that makes any goddamn sense.”

**

“Happy birthday, Dean,” you smiled, placing the pie in front of him.

“Twenty-six! God, that sounds old,” Dean laughed a little.

“You’re kidding right?” you asked after singing for him as he blew out the candles.

“What?”

“Twenty six may sound old to you, but trust me you are still fuckin’ adorable.”

“I am, aren’t I?” He grinned.

“You wanna do the honors, cutie?” you asked, handing him the kitchen knife.

“Gladly, sweetheart,” he said, taking it from you. You watched him cut a slice for you then an even bigger slice for himself.

“Dean,” you started as you watched him begin eating the pie. “I love you.”

He stopped eating and looked at you; “What?”

“I know there’s a lot about your life you haven’t told me, you’re lore you could call it, but I need you to know that I really do love you, Dean Winchester.”

“But how? I mean, I’m not exactly an open book and there’s no way…” he trailed off.

“No way, what?”

“There’s no way in hell you’d feel this way if you learned everything about me.”

Your heart broke at his words, and your expression definitely showed it.

“The amount of pure love I have for you is beyond measurable, Dean. And I might be crazy for saying this, and feeling this, but there is truly nothing you could say or do that would make me stop.”

“Really?” he asked quietly, as if he was scared to press his luck.

You nodded with a soft smile; “Really.”

“Well, look I’m not really one for…that…but I do…I do feel that way about you too. I guess what I’m saying is, uh, right back at cha?”

“See to any normal person that would sound like the ramblings of a crazy man,” you said, his smile only growing. “But to me? Absolute poetry.” You leaned over and kissed him. “Happy birthday, Dean.”

He simply kissed you back, smiling against your lips.

**

“Happy birthday, Dean,” you whispered, blowing out the candles on the small pie you’d bought. It was a one-person pie because you knew if you bought a regular one that at least three-quarters would not have been eaten.

You took out the candles and picked up your fork. Staring down at the desert, you let more tears fall.

“It shouldn’t be this hard to eat a fuckin’ pie,” you laughed humorously. Your phone rang next to you and you answered it; “Hey, Sam.”

“Hey,” he sighed. “I just wanted to call and check up on you. It being Dean’s birthday and all, I figured you might…you know…”

“Be huddled up in bed sobbing my eyes out?” you said.

“Yeah…”

“I’m holding it together Sammy, don’t worry about me,” you assured him.

“I always worry about you, you know that.”

There was a short pause in the conversation as you took a deep breath and let a few more tears fall; “I miss him, Sammy,” you admitted. “I just really miss him.”

[jasmines-library]

Hii my bday is at 18th and i’m spending it alone so i thought of requesting a winchester sister where they just celebrate her birthday softly hahah

A Winchester Surprise

Hello lovely! Happy Birthday! Thank you so much for requesting, it means a lot to hear that people are enjoying my work. I'm sorry to hear that you have to celebrate your special day alone, but I'm hoping that the Winchesters will help cheer you up a little :)

Summary: After years of your birthday being forgotten or consumed by a hunt, your brothers make sure that this one is extra special.

Warnings: None!

Word Count: around 1.6k

⛤ MAIN MASTERLIST ⛤

When you awoke the bunker was silent. Your bare feet padded down the hallway as you made your way towards the kitchen. To your disappointment, Dean wasn't hovering over the cooker, nursing a tray of bacon. He wasn't in the library either. Furrowing your brow, you ventured back down the halls, settling outside of his room. You knocked, bouncing on your heels as you waited for his gruff answer, but you were only met with silence. So, you pushed the door open.

Dean's room was dark, but when you reached blindly for the switch, his bed was empty and unmade. Sighing, you turned up the hall to try your other brother. Similarly there was no sign Sam, though his sheets were neatly tucked into his bed. You figured he must have been on a run, until your phone buzzed and his number flashed up on the screen. Your heart sank when you read the message.

Sam: A hunt came up last minute, didn't want to wake you. It's not far. We should be back in a few hours, if not there's food in the fridge.

You sighed, shutting your phone off and slipping it back into your pocket. They had forgotten. Again.

For years, your birthday had often slipped their minds. When John was still alive, your special day hardly ever crossed his train of thought. When you were too young to hunt, your birthday was often spent with your brothers, locked away in some shitty motel room in the middle of who knows where. Dean was the one who made an effort to get you something. A few times he had even resorted to stealing, though that never really ended well, but the gesture always brought a grin to your face. Sammy always tried hard too, he would draw you pictures of give you one of his precious items that he had stashed away. But as they three of you got older and your brothers began to hunt, you were often left alone.

You wanted to be mad at your brothers for forgetting your birthday, you really did, but with everything that was going on in your lives you supposed it was something that was understandable. Besides, it was too hard to be mad at them when they tried so hard to balance everything.

Slightly disheartened, but trying to to let it ruin your day, you busied yourself with various jobs around the bunker. But as time ticked by and there was still no sign of your brothers, you picked up a book and slunk back into your room, curling up on your bed to read it.

It wasn’t long after you had settled down to read your book that a loud commotion broke through the silence of your room, occasionally broken but the sound of your pages turning. Intrigued, you slid out of bed and into the rest of the bunker.

It was oddly dark in the main entrance to the bunker, which was weird because you didn’t remember turning off the light. It was even stranger because if your brothers were home, they would need the light to see.

“Hello?” You called out into the silence. There was a hubble of whispering and shuffling coming from the library before it fell silent again. “Sam? Dean?”

As you made your way into the library, you reached blindly for the light switch. It flickered on, illuminating the room. When your turned around, your heart swelled.

In front of you stood your two brothers, spaced either side of the closest table, each wearing a party hat that looked far too uncomfortable on their heads. They had decorated the table with a selection of balloons in your favourite colour. In front of them lay a pile of badly wrapped gifts. Some of which were just paper bags from the gas station folded over and taped together with your name or some sort of drawing scrawled along the top.

What really caught you eye, and allowed a long smile to appear on your face, was the pie placed precariously in the centre of the table. Someone had suck a couple of candles in the middle of it.

“I- I thought you forgot.” You told them.

“How could we forget, sweetheart. It’s our little sisters special day.” Dean said, moving around the table to wrap you up in one of his bearhugs.

“You did all this for me?”

“Of course we did, kiddo.”

You grinned, engulfed in your brothers’ arms.

“There was no hunt, was there?”

Sam shook his head, which only made your heart swell more. They had taken time out of their day to do this for you.

“I know it’s not much, but we didn’t really know what to get you.” Dean told you. “And we couldn’t find a cake we thought you would like so we got you your favourite pie instead. But if you want us to go and get you something else then we can-“

“It’s perfect.” You beamed, cutting off his rambling.

“Dean was planning on cooking you up something to eat tonight. We thought it would be nice to also watch a movie or something together. We’ve got all the snacks you could ever need.”

“I would love that.”

~~~

The rest of the evening was full of laughter. Dean had attempted to cook your mothers famous casserole, but he wasn’t very successful. He ended up spilling half of the contents before burning the rest in the oven, so the three of you ordered your choice of take out. You then retracted to your room and piled up on the bed to watch a movie. You were squashed between the two boys, who took up most of the bed. Especially Sam. It reminded you of when you were small. And it brought a soft smile to your face.

“Thank you.” You told your brothers as the first film rolled to a close.

“For what?” Dean queried, shifting on the bed to face you.

You gestured around the room. “For this.”

“Oh y/n, it’s nothing really kiddo-“ Sam started.

“And for always being there. I don’t know what I’d do without you two.”

Sam looked at you in awe, before using the arm he had wrapped around your shoulder to squeeze you closer to him. “We’re so proud of you, Y/N. So proud.”

You smiled at Sam who returned the gesture without hesitation. Dean watched the two of you closely. He had had never been so proud of two people, ever.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” Dean told you. “We love you so much.”

Note: I hope this was satisfactory! And I hope that you have a great birthday. Lots of love :)

[salchat]

Secret Flowers - Chapter 24

Dean was surrounded. And it was good - kind of - to be the centre of so many well-wishers, so many hearty slaps on the back, so many smiles and ‘long-time-no-sees.’ From all sides, he was bombarded with voices and faces and bathed in the hunter’s scent of gun oil, sweat, coffee and hard alcohol as well as the brisk jabs of fresh air and youth from Claire Novak and her gang.

He caught a wave and a nod from his brother, standing out above the crowd like the tallest tree in the jungle, then Sam jerked his thumb inside the building and disappeared. Making sure everything was organised, or getting first go on the trampolines? It’d be hilarious if Sammy went out of control - long limbs flying all over the place.

Happy Birthday, Dean. Good to see you, Winchester. The sea of voices was filled with memories, especially from Bobby and Charlie and others who were them, but not them - refugees from that world of ash, who didn’t quite match up with the lost members of Dean’s family that ‘don’t end in blood.’ He loved them. He couldn’t not love them. But they didn’t have that shared history, that true bond he’d had with their counterparts.

The birthday well-wishes flowed over him in a torrent, as well as digs and jibes and jokes with a dark undercurrent, typical of their community.

“Never thought you’d quit.”

“What the hell’s happened to your hair?”

“Thought you’d be hunting till you…”

“You gonna braid that, Winchester?”

“Where you bin’ hidin’? Coulda done with your help a while back - nasty nest of vamps.”

“Didn’t figure you’d ever give it up.”

“Thought there was only one way out for a Winchester.”

The greetings were genuine and heartfelt, but with each came a raise of brows, a too-hearty slap, a sidelong glance - Happy Birthday! You’re still alive?

And what else did the voices hide? They said - never thought you’d quit. Did they really mean that he shouldn’t have quit? That he should still be out there? Were they saying, What the hell, Winchester? Monsters to hunt? People to save? Have you forgotten who you are?

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[shrimpemotions]

Happy Dean Day everyone! Have this accidental ficlet I wrote while attempting to make a short birthday post :)

------

The morning of January 24th, 2021, Dean Winchester (very much alive) wakes up to warm cuddles and soft kisses from Cas. The very first words he hears are "happy birthday, Dean." The very first thing he does is drown those sentiments in lazy kisses. There isn't much talking after that.

Dean and Cas do eventually leave their room, both rumpled and grinning, and find Sam and Jack in the kitchen with an enormous breakfast spread (including pancakes shaped like cowboy hats and boots, at Cas's request). Dean has to hold back tears; no one has ever made him a birthday breakfast before. But Jack is smiling so proudly as he chatters about making the eggs himself, and Sam is all nervous anticipation, and Cas's smile is fond and knowing as he extends his hand. Dean takes it, and lets Cas guide him to the table, grounds himself in the familiar warmth. They all sit and eat together, until their hearts and stomachs are full to bursting. Then, it's Scooby Doo Central for Dean and Jack in the deancave, while Cas and Sam excuse themselves (Dean knows they're setting up some kind of surprise, they're terrible liars. But he is far too touched to ruin it, and beyond happy to spend a few hours bonding with his son).

When Dean is finally allowed out into the bunker, he barely catches a glimpse of the decorations (a weird mish mash of Doctor Sexy, cowboys, Scooby Doo, and medieval knights that has to be Cas's doing) before there are shouts of "surprise!" from every corner. Everyone is there: Eileen, Kevin, Charlie, Jody and the girls... everywhere he turns, another friend (another family member) grinning ear to ear. Slowly, their grins start to slip and waver... and Dean realizes he is crying. As he falls to his knees, the tears turn to sobs, and he only vaguely registers warm arms encasing him in a solid embrace. After 38 years without even a single acknowledgement of his birthday, to be so loved... he's beyond overwhelmed.

"Sorry, my love, was this too much?" Cas is asking, his strong, sure voice cutting through the haze of tears. Dean shakes his head violently, clinging to Cas's arms until he can slow his tears enough to speak.

"It's perfect, Cas," he says, and he means it. "I don't-"

Before the word "deserve" can even leave his mouth, Cas is pressing a finger to his lips.

"Everyone in this room loves you and wanted to be here. You deserve to be celebrated, Dean."

There's no arguing with Cas's you-deserve-good-things-Dean expression, and Dean doesn't really want to. For once, he just wants to bask in the love of everyone he cares about without worrying it will be taken away.

"Okay," he says softly, and that's that.

From there, it's a wonderful day. Dean laughs off his breakdown, despite head shakes from Sam and motherly tongue clicking from Jody and Donna. He lets himself get attacked with a starfish-style Garth hug, which turns into a massive group hug that is completely unsustainable and beyond perfect. There are presents, and both cake and pie, and stupid party games that he and Claire get far too competitive over, and karaoke that Cas is absolutely awful at, and endless shared stories of everyone's favorite Dean moments (which consistently devolve into embarrassing stories from Sam that Dean protests but never quite stops).

By the time everyone is peeling off, one by one, to go to bed, Dean is half-asleep, filled to the brim with contentment and sugar, his head resting in Cas's lap.

"Did you have a good birthday?" Cas asks quietly. His hand is stroking Dean's hair, and Dean practically purrs at the attention.

"The best." And he lifts a hand to cup Cas's cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart."

Cas turns his head, pressing a kiss directly into the center of Dean's palm. Dean's heart swells, and Cas's fond smile is the last thing he sees before he drifts off to sleep.

[itfeelslikewincest]

SAM AND DEAN HEAVEN FIC REC

<< Fic rec with Carry On codas or post Carry On fics, I'd like to thank everyone who sent me links and helped me make this fic rec ♡ >>

1. Highway to Heaven by cherie_morte Summary: Paradise lasts for all of fifteen minutes. Well, maybe longer. Dean’s not sure yet how time works here, but it sure doesn’t feel like forever before things start going sideways.

2. Heaven Verse by hathfrozen ↠ because you want to die for love Summary: Sam and Dean settle into their Heaven—and into each other, too.

↠ desire, like a monster Summary: Sam and Dean discuss what it meant to want each other while they were alive.

↠ the sun shines down Summary: There's a sunshower, and Dean decides he wants to celebrate Sam's birthday in Heaven.

3. Planet Waves Series (Post Carry On Fics) by Sonofabiscuit77 ↠ You and me, babe, how about it? Summary: Sam and Dean enjoy heaven together. Dean thinks a lot. There is no plot.

↠ Love you more Summary: Post Carry On angsty smut. The Winchesters reunite in heaven, in bed. There was no post-Dean apple pie life for Sam, just Dean's overactive imagination.

↠ Going, going, gone Summary: Sam doesn't carry on after Dean's death. He dies eight months later. This story covers Sam's last few months on earth before his heavenly reunion with Dean, from the POV of Jody Mills. Companion fic to Love You More.

↠ Fireflies Summary: Sam and Dean in heaven schmoopy porn with bonus temporary age difference.

4. Nothing Ever Really Ends by Nyxocity Summary: Post-Series Heaven Fic: That Dean loves Sam has always been true. That Sam loves him back is just as true. But it’s never been quite like this; days and nights spent in leisure, relaxed and happy, no worries, no peril. When a change finally comes, it doesn't feel like a change at all; it feels like the rest.

5. Alright by wastetheyears Summary: “Sammy,” he smiles, and Sam’s heart convulses at the sound. No one has called him Sammy in the longest time.

6. In You I Found Paradise by wincestgoddess Summary: They made it to the finish line, to Heaven. It should be their well deserved break. If only Dean would get the memo already and join Sam in their cabin.

7. Spice Up Your Life by wincestgoddess Summary: Dean tries to spice up their sex life during Christmas. Doesn't work out the way he intended.

8. on this day, let me give you the world by wincestgoddess Summary: Sam wants to do something for Dean's birthday in Heaven

9. The Idea of Heaven by DWImpala67 Summary: Supernatural ended with the Winchester brothers reuniting in heaven. But what happened after that? Here's a peek into the afterlife of the brothers who were "physically, erotically, emotionally, irrationally codependent".

10. Make it home through the forest by becka Summary: Sam and Dean make a home in heaven and each other.

11. Tumblr Ficlet by Ares Summary: A tale of reuniting brothers.

12. Eternity by blackrose_17 Summary: Somedays Sam can't believe this is real.

13. Now It's Perfect by blackrose_17 Summary: It is Dean's first birthday in Heaven that truly matters and he spends it with Sam.

14. A Lifetime Of Waiting by nightsammy Summary: Sam has had a lifetime without Dean. Then, they're reunited. Coda for 15x20.

15. Carry On Verse by Vi_olet ↠ Carry On Summary: He’d been trying to carry on. He’d promised Dean. But deep down, he knew he couldn’t do it alone for long. He was slowly spiraling downwards. Now he had a piece of Dean with him.

↠ My Wayward Son Summary: Glances into Sam’s pregnancy with Dean Jr., and the birth.

16. Forever, Little Brother by LaughableLament Summary: When he kissed Sam, he wasn’t even surprised how easy it was, how natural. How Sam’s lips slotted against his, matching puzzle pieces after all their hiding, pining, and denying.

17. Homecoming by formalizing Summary: “Why am I not surprised? All of Heaven laid out before us and Dean Winchester wants a backseat quickie.”

18. Heaven!Fic verse by zubeneschamali ↠ Now Nothing Can Take You Away From Me Summary: Post-ep fic for 15x20. After everything, Sam and Dean still have some things to talk about. And Heaven is a place where anything you dream can come true.

↠ Fire All of Your Guns at Once Summary: In Heaven, there's no fear. Not of your feelings for the person closest to you—and not of what might otherwise be a dangerous piece of driving. AKA, roadhead in Heaven.

19. Peace When You Are Done by lovetincture Summary: Sam and Dean reunite in heaven. Sam reflects on his life and the things that have brought them to this moment.

20. There Will be Better Days by deadlybride Summary: Sam and Dean settle into their heaven.

21. Where the Bodies are Buried by road_rhythm Summary: This is not the first time he's taken care of his brother's body. It's just the last.

22. Echoes and Silence by dugindeep (hotsauce) Summary: When his brother dies, the world goes quiet.

23. Nothing is Impossible in Heaven by NaughtyPastryChef Summary: Dean can't stop obsessing over how BIG Sam looks as he moves around their little cabin in heaven. Apparently, heaven can grant wishes, even if you don't know that you're wishing it.

24. The Heaven Chronicles verse by deanandsam

↠ The Long and Winding Road Summary: After he realizes he's in Heaven, Dean takes to the road while he waits for his brother.

↠ On the Bridge Summary: When Sam arrives in Heaven, all he can think of is his happiness in being reunited with Dean. He finds out just how awesome that is.

↠ Waiting for Sammy Summary: Dean is admiring the view when he senses something is about to happen.

↠ Days of Wine and Roses Summary: The brothers are happy in their Heaven but Winchesters were never destined to a life of inactivity.

↠ Paradise Summary: The brothers have never been happier. Heaven is truly Paradise.

↠ Vestiges of the Past Summary: Castiel turns up at the Winchesters' cabin. Dean is not pleased!

↠ Gut Feelings and Not Only Summary: Happiness surrounds the Winchester brothers but nothing is written in stone.

<< feel free to add more>>

[smol-and-grumpy]

Home To You - Ten

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean enlisted in the hopes to help secure enough money for Sam to be able to go to college. Of course he didn’t tell Sam. Why would he? Sam would understand, right? Turns out, Sam didn’t get it, and is giving Dean the silent treatment for over a year. In Dean’s desperation to reconnect with Sam, Dean reaches out to his brother’s best friend. Little does he know that the hurricane named Y/N will turn out to be the reason he wants to stay alive and go back home for.

Chapter Warnings: Aaaaand, they’re still idiots. Contains flangst.

WC: 3569

Beta’d by: @deanwanddamons​ <3

Read ahead on Patreon!

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

“Hey, Y/N,” 

She wakes up to a soft voice ringing in her ear. It’s deep and gravelly, just slightly above a murmur. There’s also a feeling of something nuzzling against her temple. Hot breath fans over the side of her face, making her shiver - but in a good way.

“Wake up,” The voice whispers again, it’s smooth and soft, bathing her in warmth, making her feel less likely to want to burst the comfortable bubble she’s wrapped in so she doesn’t move. 

“Nuh-uh,” She tilts her head, trying to bury her face deeper into the pillow. 

There’s a rumbling sound from underneath her face, it resonates out of her pillow, and then it starts to shake as a chuckle sounds off of it. The sound is deep and scratchy, it makes her feel warm.

Oh.

It’s not a pillow at all, she realizes. 

It’s Dean.

God, but he’s so soft and she feels so content. He’s better than all the pillows in the world.

“You should let me get up, I hear the nurses walking around outside.” 

That’s the cue because all of a sudden, it all comes rushing back and she bolts up abruptly, knocking her head against his jaw in the process and sends him jolting back. Dean cups his face while groaning out painfully, cursing something intangible under his breath.

“Shit, Y/N, you wanna knock me out?” 

She covers her mouth with one hand, muttering apologies and honestly, just trying her best not to burst out laughing too loud as Dean rolls himself off the bed. She absolutely hates the way he takes the warmth with him, and is already feeling colder as soon as he inches away. 

He stops swearing after a while and begins to tie up his boots before standing up straight next to her bed, his hand moving to push her hair out of her face. “You’re still so hard to wake up, huh?”

The memories come back to her. Memories of her mornings at the Winchester’s house where Sam and Dean would fight about who has to wake her up because apparently, she’s a grump in the mornings. Dean always lost to Sam at rock paper scissors and it took him a while to know how best to wake her up, starting with a ten-foot pole, and soon enough, he figured that the best way was to just sit right at the bed with a mug of hot coffee in his hand. 

She’s not allowed to have coffee right now, and knowing that actually makes her grumpier. She scrunches her nose, “Yeah, well, you’d be happy to know that some things never change.” 

“I’m glad they don’t.” He grins. It’s the grin she loves. All bashful and with a slight hint of boyish charm. It makes him look a lot younger. It definitely suits him, it makes her think that he’s just a man who hasn’t seen death and isn’t trying to carry the weight of the world on his own. “Listen, I-”

Before Dean can finish his sentence, the nurse bursts in.

“Good morn-,” The woman who she has gotten to know as Carmen chirps before stalling upon seeing Dean standing there, “-ing,” The brunette nurse finishes and tilts her head down a little. A bright shade of crimson is visible on her face, her mouth curving into a shy grin. Carmen takes a moment to gather herself before she looks back up, “You’re still here,” She states and Y/N just knows that the statement is not directed at her. 

Dean smiles warmly at the nurse, “Yeah,” 

There’s something that bubbles inside of her, rising from the pit of her stomach to her chest and she doesn’t know what it is but she doesn’t really like it. Trying to push that feeling away, she forces a smile of her own.

Carmen just nods at Dean as she walks closer to the bed, probably realizing that she has a job to do. Dean moves to the window, looking out while he lets the nurse check up on her. 

“Before we bring breakfast, the doctor will be here,” the brunette informs her and she sighs. Carmen then turns to Dean, “Would you like something as well, Dean?”

Oh, so they on a first name basis? She must have looked dumbfounded and of course Dean notices because he always does. 

He clears his throat before he speaks to her before even answering Carmen’s question, which somehow makes the jealousy less obtrusive, “Yeah, I came in last night and Carmen was here,” he explains, even though he doesn’t need to. She nods and only then does he turn to the nurse still waiting for him to answer her, “I’m good, thank you. I’ll grab a coffee later.”

The brunette doesn’t seem to be fazed that he took longer to get back to her and now that he did, her face goes tomato red again. Y/N’s used to seeing that. She’s used to knowing what effect Dean has on women and apparently, he still does have that same effect. Things haven't changed at all.

Carmen walks out after doing her work and Dean comes to stand close enough so Y/N can elbow him in the ribs. 

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“Duh,” She grins bravely, hiding her true feelings because it has no room here. “She’s obviously into you.”

Dean frowns before cocking an eyebrow, “You think?”

“Jesus, did you not watch the show that just happened?” She smiles teasingly. The smile doesn’t really reach her eyes but she doesn’t think Dean notices, “Maybe you should ask if she wants to go for a drink?”

He looks down to his feet, seemingly in thought. She can see his mouth working from him biting on something on the inside of his cheek. Dean licks his lips before he shakes his head to look up at her, “I’m here for you, Y/N.” His hand comes up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. His words make her face warmer too, which she hopes he doesn’t notice. 

“And I didn’t tell you to.” She replies, knowing full well that she’s been unreasonable, but it’s the truth. She doesn’t want him to worry, and least of all, she doesn’t want him to think that she’s another burden to him. If anything, Dean deserves to have a slice of happiness of his own. 

“Oh, so, you want me to leave you here and go on a date with Carmen?” He raises his voice a little, which stuns her. Dean normally never raises his voice at her, only when they’re bickering but then they know that neither of them really mean it. 

“I’m just saying-”

“What?” He cuts in, more agitated now, “That I will abandon people I love to go on a date with a girl in the short time I get to be with you?”

His words hit her a little too hard and she’s momentarily speechless while her heart is beating a little faster. The pain in her head comes back and she has to squint her eyes as she lifts her hand to her temple. Dean’s quick to rush the two steps forward and laying his hand on hers, “You okay? God, that’s a dumb question, of course you’re not.” 

“You love me?” She asks, because those were the words that stuck. 

Dean’s jaw drops a little and he licks his lips, the pink in his ears showing, which she thinks is absolutely adorable. He always gets the most color there. “Yeah, of course. You’re family, Y/N.”

Yeah, she’s family, just like he is hers. They will never be more than that. The thought just about shatters her heart. 

Before she can dwell on the disappointment that is spreading and clearly taking heavy roots in her guts. She doesn't even realize that Dean has his forehead leaned on her temple until he jumps apart from her when there’s a knock at the door. 

“I’m sorry,” Carmen says and smiles shyly at both of them as she walks in with a fresh jug of water, “The doctor will be here in about five minutes,” 

“Okay,” She nods at the nurse and looks at Dean to direct the next question to him, “When will Sam be here?” 

“He told me he’s going to pop in before his first lecture at 9 AM,” Dean flips his wrist to look at the watch. He’s still wearing the same one, the one she and Sam got him for his twenty-first birthday. The thought of him holding on to simple gifts makes her smile. “He should be here any minute.”

“Right,” 

“Just ring me should you need anything, okay?” Carmen says, already halfway out of the door. 

“We will,” Dean replies for both of them and she keeps on looking at him, glaring even. He sighs before he rolls his eyes. Looking back at her after his eye roll, he lifts his eyebrows and she just jerks her head in the direction of the door and grins, although she doesn’t feel like grinning at all at this moment. He sighs again before he speaks, “Actually, Carmen,” 

Y/N watches as the nurse turns around, and when Carmen speaks, she sounds hopeful. “Yeah?” The woman’s lips curl up into a bright smile while her eyebrows climb up her forehead in anticipation.

“Um-,” Dean half mumbles and sends Y/N a last look. She doesn’t falter, at least she hopes her grin doesn’t falter, but the corner of her lips starts to twitch uncomfortably from the strain so she stops grinning but winks at him instead, her way of telling him to go forward. He frowns at first but then his whole demeanor changes, his eyes a little cold towards her. Not that she can dwell on them too much because Dean turns away from her to look at the brunette instead, “Let me walk you out,” 

She watches him sending her another look. She’d like to say one that is less cold but actually, it turns icy before he turns his back on her, following Carmen out. It honestly makes her feel crushed but she guesses that she brought it upon herself.

Not allowed to get out of bed, there’s nothing else to do for her other than staying behind, and to pass the time she looks out of the window while worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Of course, she doesn’t want to share Dean with another girl, but what can she really do about it? He said it himself. She’s family. There’s no way Dean sees her the way she sees him and who is she if she doesn’t want him to be happy? 

“Hey you,” Sam sticks his head through the door, wearing his dimpled smile as he strides in afterward to walk to the bed. He wraps her up into a bone-crushing embrace. She takes the time to breathe him in. “How are you holding up? Jess will come later, she has a meeting with her professor.” 

“Of course, I forgot that life is still going on even if I’m not a part of it.”

“I’m sorry to say this, Y/N,” Sam sits down on the empty chair next to her bed, “But I think you have to sit this semester out. There’s no way I will let you worry your head.” 

She has to grin at that. “That’s okay, I don’t even know if I want to continue, Sam.”

“What do you mean?”

She stares at her hands that she has folded in her lap, “I came here to be your cheerleader, remember? I don’t need to study, I don’t think I even need to work for the rest of my life.” 

It’s not a lie. Her parent’s house is hers, they have left enough money for her to be comfortable, and last but not least, there was the insurance money and from the lawsuit her uncle started in order to get the maximum out of her tragedy after her parents passed away. She has enough money and if she keeps on living as she does, it will last her a long time. Long enough for her to figure out what she really wants out of life and a little beyond, probably.

“You’re awfully bad at sitting still, though.” He chuckles, which again, is true. Sam lays his hand on top of hers. They’re incredibly large, her hands looking ridiculous in comparison.

“I don’t know…” She starts, “I just might go back home, would that be okay?” 

“Why?”

“I hate it here.” It blurts out of her and to her surprise, it feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

“Wow, tell me what you really think, why don’t you?” Sam’s full-on laughing, but when it dies down and he looks at her, he sees that she’s not joking. “You know I can’t leave until I graduate, right? I’m still stuck here and maybe, just maybe, if I study hard then I can get out sooner.” 

“Sam,” He lays her hand on top of his, “I’m not telling you so that you will come back with me. Your place is here, at least for the time being and until you get your degree. And I’m not even saying that I’m leaving tomorrow. Right now, I just want to take one day at a time.”

“First of all,” the younger Winchester smirks, “How dare you think that I would want you to be all on your own. And second?” He smiles now, “One day at a time sounds about right to me. We’ll be okay, Y/N. I promise.”

She nods. Somehow she really wants to believe that they will be. 

Dean slips in before the doctor. He pauses at the door and takes a look at his brother and Y/N.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, a hint of concern lacing his voice. 

“Where were you?” Sam asks, skillfully dodging Dean’s question and she doesn’t know if it’s the residue of animosity still resting inside his bones that he doesn’t want to tell Dean everything that worries him yet. 

His brother seems to sense Sam’s reluctance not to answer, of course Dean does. Nothing really gets past him, but she’s glad that he doesn’t pry. Dean never does when it comes to Sam, knowing that his brother will talk when he wants to. 

“Did you get her number?” Y/N jumps in before Dean can even start to open his mouth to answer Sam’s question.

Dean groans out audibly before he sits on another empty chair that’s propped against the wall on the opposite side of her bed. He’s too far away, and somehow she wishes that he was closer like last night. 

“Yeah,” He answers her question but it doesn’t sound like he’s super happy about it, “Are you happy now?”

No, is what she thinks. “Yes,” is what she says and surprises herself by being able to curve her lips up into a small smile. 

“You what?” Sam’s nose scrunches a little in irritation. “You asked some girl for their number? Here? While Y/N’s waiting for surgery?”

Dean doesn’t answer. He’s taking Sam’s anger with a squared chest and his chin held high, and she sees that he’s zoning out. She’s seen that posture before, whenever his dad took the anger out on Dean instead of on them even though it wasn’t Dean’s fault. 

Instead of answering, Dean just looks at Y/N and his eyes change, giving in to blankness.

“Sam, it’s nothing.” She says, trying to calm the younger Winchester down. “I told him to.” She explains.

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” Dean mutters under his breath but it wasn’t said with any malice. He leans his head against the wall and sighs heavily and she can’t help but think that he looks exhausted. She wonders if he did get any sleep at all.

She worries her lips, hoping that it isn’t her that keeps him awake, it’s the last thing she wants to do after he makes the journey back to be here for her. Before she can ask or even apologize the doctor who’s been examining her the whole of yesterday comes in to greet them.

His gaze flickers to Dean whom he obviously hasn’t seen yesterday. “And you are?” 

Dean stands up, making himself straighter, puffing his chest out a little, and holds his hand out for the doctor to shake, “Dean Winchester, sir.” 

“Ah, you must be Sam’s brother.” 

“That, I am.” 

“So, I guess the whole family is here now, right?” The doctor’s gaze flickers around the room and she nods. 

He begins to explain his findings and what’s going to happen.

Somehow, though, her brain turns off. She hears everything but she doesn’t let it get under her skin. She heard how he said that there are multiple aneurysms. There’s someone muttering in the back too, saying “Shit!”. Her brain doesn’t register who it was, her guess is on Dean, though. She heard how the doctor said that the chances that anything happening is slim but it’s there but that if they don’t operate, she doesn’t have a chance of surviving once they burst. It’s like a ticking bomb in her head, ready to go off at any time. She tunes the rest out, staring holes into the air. Suddenly, her feet under the thin hospital blanket are so much more interesting to look at. 

“I’ll see you in surgery at 2 PM,” The doctor nods at her.

Y/N can’t answer, waits for the weight of the knowledge to settle down.

“I can’t eat anything, right?” She looks at both men who are left in her room. Maybe it’s the shock sitting inside her but she feels very hungry and it’s the only thing she can think about, which again, is absolutely weird.

“I’m sorry,” Dean answers the question and steps closer, leaning his hands on the mattress and nuzzles his forehead against her temple. She doesn’t really know what he’s sorry for, but Dean answers the question in her thoughts for her, “About everything, you don’t deserve this.” 

Her hand comes up to cup his cheek, fingers rubbing over his scruff, “It’s not your fault.”

“Well, it isn’t yours either.”

She nods in understanding and Dean places a chaste kiss on her temple. They were both a little lost in the moment when she’s brought back to reality by Sam’s sniffing. 

God, Sam. It’s harder on him than on her. 

Dean seems to know too, steps aside to make room for Sam. The younger brother doesn’t hesitate, his hand finding the back of her neck to guide her towards him. He kisses her cheek, lingers there longer than needed but it’s necessary.

“I’ll be back after lunch, okay?” 

“You don’t have to,”

“Oh, believe me, I do.” Sam sniffs again before taking a step back and she does her best to ignore the tears in his eyes. She can’t look at them, knowing that she would break down instantly.

“You should take Dean with you, get him cleaned up at my apartment.” She suggests.

“Why, you wanna get rid of me, Y/N?” Dean’s voice is teasing, trying to ease the air filled with uncertainty. 

“Ya, you stink, man.” Sam grabs his brother’s shoulder and she doesn’t know if it’s the first time they touched since what seems like forever, but from the way Dean tenses up, she guesses that it is. He recovers quickly, though, the tenseness giving way to softness. 

Dean just cocks one eyebrow, eyes flicking to her as if to ask if that’s true. The tip of his ear showed a soft pink shade. She grins and he shakes his head. He doesn’t or maybe she’s biased. She likes how he smelled last night. Pine and musk and something that’s just Dean. Something a home is made out of.

“Come on,” Sam shoulders past Dean, waits at the door because Dean hesitates. “She’s in good hands.” Sam reminds his brother.

“You really want me gone?” Dean turns to her, crossing his arms over his chest and she tries not to look at how the material of his shirt stretches awfully tight over his shoulders and arms. 

“You should go get breakfast. You can take a shower, even take a nap in bed if you want. Mi casa es su casa.” She smiles, “Sam has a key, fresh towels are in the bathroom. The shower is warm and has great water pressure.” 

“K,” He nods, his eyes light up a little at the prospect of a warm shower. Guess there are not many of those out in the desert. He bends down, kisses the crown of her head and moves to rest his forehead on hers, “I’ll be right back, yeah?”

She bites on her bottom lip, he’s so close and all she actually wants to do right now is to move forward and kiss him. It would be so easy. She’s been thinking about his lips a ridiculous amount of time. Wonders if they feel as good as they look. Y/N knows that she can't, that's why all she says is “Okay, I’ll be here.” And laughs lamely. 

“Behave,” He chuckles, pressing another kiss to her temple before he bends down to retrieve his bag from the floor. 

Eleven

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

​

[pinkislouder]

So I guess this is me. Hey you. This is stupid. Read it helps. So, Dean Winchester from 2022, man. That's a long time away. I don't even know if you'll be alive. Depending on how mad Dad gets at me for fucking up the ghoul case, I might die tomorrow and this letter will never get to 2022 me. Well. It'd be cool if I wasn't dead. I hope Sam talks to you. I hope Sam is good. Happy. He deserves it. Happy birthday, me. I guess. If you've made it to 43 it better be a good life. Enough food on the table. Maybe a kid or two. Someone who loves you. Well. Me. (My god I hope no one ever reads this. ) Are you still talking to Lee? I don't even know where to address this. We ain't got a mailbox, ha. Eat some cake for me, man. Happy birthday. Dean

[writingtoforgetreality]

You’re A Winchester? (Castiel x Winchester!Reader)

Request: You are so sweet, is a little sister Winchester reader good? Like in her late 20s that is their sister from another world/dimension, but they don't have a sister in their world? And she is just trying to fit into their family but she is a good hunter? It can be with Cas Meg or both, whatever you are inspired to do :) (by @sourpatchspinster), [Supernatural-Masterlist]

Part Two

Summary: You woke up in the middle of nowhere. How the hell did you get here? The last thing you remembered was being in a motel room & all of a sudden, you found yourself lost with the worst headache ever. Who would have thought your life was about to be changed forever?

Words: 5,270

Warnings: takes place in season 15 bc I want “everyone” to be alive & happy, language (do I still have to mention this?), mentions of our dear friend Chuck, angst?, innocent reader (I don’t know what happened to me during my writing break tbh), not my fav piece but I loved the request so there you go, fluff, (possible second part?), (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Black. That was all you could see. Your head was killing you, it felt like someone tried to crush it with their bare hands. It took you a lot of strength but after a few attempts, you managed to open your eyes & were met with a blue sky. Huh…Did you fall asleep outside? No. WAIT?! Were you captured? No, you were just lying on the grass. Slowly, you got into a sitting position, looking around to figure out where in the hell you were. Unfortunately, your surroundings were unfamiliar. Taking deep breaths, you tried thinking logical for a second. The last thing you remembered was you sitting in a motel room, turning pages in an old diary your family left behind.

You had never met any of your family, growing up in a children’s home because…well, you had no idea if you were completely honest. Throughout the years, you had been to multiple foster families but in the end, you always ended up back at the children’s home. Not that you cared too much. It was not like you ever felt like you belonged with them anyway. On your 18th birthday, Sally, one of the employees, came into your room with a small package in her hand. That was the first time you had ever received a gift.

“It says I should give it to you today.” she handed you the small wrapped gift with a genuine smile on her face.

“What is it?” your curiosity got the best of you.

“Open up & see, I guess. I have no idea.” & with that she left you alone once again.

The day you got the diary was when you left the children’s home for good. You could not believe what you had read. Apparently, you did have a family. Or so it seemed. But why the hell had you never met them? And why the hell did it seem like your family suffered from psychological problems? Schizophrenia? To be honest, you did not care about that. The only thing that mattered to you was that it seemed like you had a father & two brothers out there somewhere. It looked like your mother had died a while ago…

~back to your confused ass self~

Being alone out in the middle of nowhere was not particularly comforting. What scared you even more was that you did not even have your stuff with you. Where was your diary? Your phone did not matter to you that much, neither did your clothes. It was not like you owned much to begin with. But that diary? That meant the world to you. Even after years of unsuccessful searching for your family, you never gave up. Because deep down, you knew you would come across them eventually.

Coming to a standing position, you dusted off the dirt that was on your clothes. A black car in the distance caught your attention. What was a car doing out here in the middle of nowhere? Maybe your kidnappers were driving it & brought you here? That thought let your heart race. Yet, you found yourself moving closer to the car. The closer you got, the more you could make out. Was that a ’67 Impala? Out here? And it looked like it was in great condition? If you had enough money you would buy a similar car & you sure would treat it the same way that the Impala’s owner did.

You risked a look inside the Impala, finding it relatively empty, but before you could spend much longer admiring it, you saw something silver in the corner of your eye. Was that a…door? Okay, yeah, you were definitely kidnapped. But not by professionals, that was for sure. Not the right time to joke? Okay, okay, right. Upon closer inspection, you noted that it was most likely a door to a bunker. Why you did not run right away, you were not sure. Something about this place felt like…home. Huh, weird. How could you be so anxious yet so at peace all at once? Only one way to find out. Oh boy, you would so regret this later.

Before you could think too much, your hand was moving towards the door, ready to push. Surprisingly, it was not locked. You had to push your entire weight against the door to keep it moving since it was so damn heavy. By now, your legs were moving on their own & all of a sudden you were standing inside a…bunker? There was not much to make out because your eyes had to adjust to the dark inside at first.

It sounded like footsteps were approaching fast but because of the echo in the bunker you could not quite tell where they were coming from. There was one thing you did notice, though, & it was the fact that there was more than one person coming your way. Fuck.

“HANDS IN THE AIR!” the click of a gun was followed after the loud voice. Obeying, you put your hands up even though you were sure nobody could see what you were doing anyway. It was still dark after all. Right this instance, light illuminated the room & you were stunned by how big the bunker was. Eyes wide, you looked around, only to find you were upstairs & the voice you heard was coming from beneath you. Gazing around, your eyes fell on two broad looking men, both of them pointing a gun at you. Fucking great. You should have run.

“DOWN. NOW.” the shorter one of the two yelled once again. Not wanting to mess with them, your legs moved towards the stairs & slowly you got down, not once letting your eyes move away from the man with the shorter hair. He seemed like the bigger threat. While the taller man looked scary as hell too, he held something behind his eyes that eased you a tiny bit more.

“Who are you & what are you doing here?” this time it was the taller man who spoke up & you had to take back your previous thought. He was scary as shit, especially with his voice sounding like he was up to no good.

“Um, I-I swear, I don’t know. I-“ but your attempts were cut short.

“Cut the bullshit right there. Did Chuck send you?”

“Chuck?” your eyebrows raised up, showing your genuine confusion.

“Dean, I don’t think she’s with Chuck.” the one with the longer hair mumbled. Dean? Huh. The name made you think of your lost diary again. You hoped you would find it eventually.

“Sit down & start talking.” he was not to be messed with so you followed both men further into the bunker until you reached a huge table. Choosing one of many chairs, you sat down but still eyed the guns that were no longer pointed at you but still very much a threat. The men each took a seat opposite of you, putting the guns on the table in front of them. At least they were not holding them anymore. You noticed you held your breath & again, started taking slower ones to calm yourself.

“I’m Sam & this is my brother Dean. We won’t hurt you, just…who are you?” what a coincidence. Brothers Sam & Dean. Were you dreaming? Of course, why did you not think of this sooner? It would make sense.

“My name’s (Y/N).” your voice was barely above a whisper & your eyes shot down to your lap, suddenly feeling small.

“(Y/N), okay. Well, (Y/N), um, why are you here?” Sam’s voice was a lot softer than at the beginning. Dean had not said anything else, he simply looked at you sternly, still thinking you were a threat. You did not even have weapons on you. Hell, you did not even know how to fight in the first place. But clearly they did not know that. Fuck it, if you were about to die then you could actually tell the truth, right? What did it matter? Your voice was quiet but loud enough so the boys could hear you.

“One moment I was reading through a dia- book & the next I wake up in the middle of nowhere with the worst headache ever. I saw the Impale parked outside & then found the door. I don’t know where I am, I don’t even know why I thought opening this damn door would be a good idea.” a slight chuckle was all you could muster right now. Hopefully they would believe you. When neither of them said anything for a few moments, you looked up & saw them eyeing each other, having a silent conversation.

“What book were you reading?” this time it was Dean but his voice was a lot kinder now. The boys knew you were not a supernatural being, the bunker was safe when it came to that & you would have not been able to enter otherwise. Yet, you were confused by his question? That was really all he cared about? Not the fact that you had no clue where you were or how you got here? Not wanting to anger him, you answered, looking him straight into the eyes.

“My dad’s diary. Nothing special, why?” a noise coming from the entrance made you look towards the door. There sure were quite a lot of people for being in the middle of nowhere. Your conversation was cut short when a voice spoke up.

“Sam! Dean! I salted & burned the bones! Case done! Well, Castiel helped me but he said he was proud of my work.” how could someone sound so excited about…burning bones? What the fuck?

“Jack did a good job today.” the other person spoke up. He was wearing a trench coat & his voice was deep, deeper than the others. Obviously, they had not noticed you yet but a look at Sam showed you how uncomfortable he was. At this point, you were more than confused. Salting & burning bones? Why did this sound familiar though? Shit. No way. Your dad’s diary was filled with salting & burning stuff. What was happening to you?

“Uh, guys…” Sam got up & approached the two men who were called Jack & Castiel. Somehow, your gaze fixed on the man in the trench coat. He looked good. Again, wrong timing, (Y/N). Get it together! Jack & Castiel saw you & their faces turned into confusion.

“Who’s that?” Jack asked, his voice did not scare you, he sounded sweet. He seemed like a kind person.

“Jack, Cas, this is (Y/N). She showed up in the bunker out of nowhere.” Dean eyed you once more before getting up himself. Frustration could be felt & you hated that you were the one causing it. Never was it your intention to cause trouble in their lives but it looked like you just did by opening that damn door.

“Could you all maybe sit down? It makes me nervous when you’re all pacing like that.” you were surprised by your own voice. Usually you were never one to intervene, especially not in a situation like this. But you were exhausted & all you wanted was just to get back to your motel & these were the only people who could help your right now. All eyes shot to you & to your surprise, they began walking towards the table. Sam & Dean, taking the seats opposite of you. Castiel sat down right next to you & you hated how your heart skipped a beat by this simple action. You did not even know this man, he could be a killer. Jack took the chair next to Castiel & Sam made it his job to explain your situation briefly. All you could do was listen, your hands fiddling in your lap, still somewhat anxious to be here.

“Cas? Isn’t there a way you could…I don’t know, check her memories?” Dean added right after Sam finished explaining. Your confused face shifted between the two men, not understanding a single word. How could a stranger help you with your memories?

“I could try. But I need your permission to do that.” while saying the last part, his eyes looked straight into your (Y/E/C) ones. Damn, his eyes. His head tilted slightly & it was only then when you registered that he had asked you a question & you simply stared at him.

“Um, permission for what?”

“To take a look at your memories & see what you remember. We could help you after that.” his voice was so casual, as if he had done this multiple times. To you, though, it sounded like he was crazy.

“Right. And you can do that because…?”

“Because I’m an angel of the Lord.” Castiel stated. A what of the what now? A short laugh escaped you. Not because you laughed at him but because you were shocked & confused.

“Cas…” Sam mumbled & put his head in his hands. That was something he had wanted to keep from you. He had a feeling you had no idea about the supernatural & he wanted to keep it like that.

“You can trust him, (Y/N).” Dean chimed in.

“Will it hurt?” not that you were scared of the pain, your pain tolerance was pretty high but on the other hand, he had just told you he was an angel.

“Only a little.” Cas gave you a reassuring smile & that was when you decided you would let him do it. Because, frankly, you did trust him. Even though he might have some sort of mental illness.

Sam, Dean & Jack left the room to give Castiel some time to prepare & to give you time to calm down. He could tell by the way your leg was bouncing that you were highly uncomfortable but he was not sure how to help. His idea was to get it done quickly & then to bring you back where you came from. Hopefully, you would not ask too many questions. He already gave too much away by saying he was an angel. Replaying your face when he had said it eased him a bit. You did not look convinced at all which was probably for the best.

“Try to breathe more evenly, it’ll help.” you could tell he was trying to make this easier for you but you just wanted to get it done.

“I’m ready, let’s do this, please.” the plea at the end was almost inaudible but Castiel could hear it anyway.

Your eyes closed as you saw Castiel approaching. His fingers touched your temples gently but the next thing you felt was a short but piercing pain shooting through your entire body. It only lasted a few seconds & the only words you could make out before you fell unconscious were “You’re a Winchester?”.

“What do you mean she’s a Winchester?” Dean asked with shock written all over his features.

“She’s related to us?” it was Sam, he took the information way better than his older brother.

“Your sister, to be exact.” Castiel paused briefly, waiting if one of the boys wanted to add anything. He took their silence as a sign of continuing. “Her father’s diary, the one she was reading before she got here, it was John’s.”

“Wait, wait, wait…WE have his diary. There’s no way she has it. Besides, we would know if we had a sister.” Dean gestured with his hands to get his point across. He had never seen you, you could not have stolen the book from them.

“You’re right. But in her world, she was the one owning it. In her world, you guys are her brothers.”

“In her world? What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam decided to join the conversation, now wanting answers himself.

“She’s from an alternate universe. I expect she was reading through a spell or something similar & somehow she got sucked into our reality. From what I’ve seen in her head, the portal closed itself behind her so if she has no idea how she opened it & got here…well, it could be hard to bring her back. Besides, I’m not so sure she wants to go back there…” Castiel’s voice got quieter at the end of his sentence.

“Why not?” Dean imagined himself in your situation & he would do anything to get back.

“It’s not really my place to tell, I believe.” & before Dean could argue any further, Jack came running into the room.

“(Y/N)’s awake.” to that everyone followed behind him to one of the many bedrooms the bunker had to offer.

You were tired but the pain had completely disappeared. No matter how hard you tried, you still could not remember how exactly you got here. The door creaked & you looked up to find Sam, Dean, Castiel & Jack entering the room. You were no longer scared. Probably because you were way too exhausted to care.

“So?” you spoke up after a few seconds of silence. Castiel stepped forward & took a seat at the end of the bed you were lying in. His ocean blue eyes looked you over, making sure you no longer were in any pain. You nodded at him to show you were fine & with that Castiel told you what he had seen. It was a lot to take in but your tired state simply made you nod at everything he explained.

“The thing is…We don’t know how to get you back.” Sam approached you slowly, took a seat in a chair next to your bed.

“Cas?” ignoring Sam’s statement, you only had one question on your mind. Back in your world, you had spent years looking for your family. For your brothers. The ones being in the same room with you right now. Also, when did you start calling Castiel by his nickname? When did that happen? His humming gave you enough confidence to continue.

“Are they alive back home?” you did not have to mention names for Castiel to know who you were referring to. His face turned into one of sadness & you knew the answer without him saying anything.

“I don’t wanna go back.” every ounce of uncertainty was gone, you knew it was fate that you were here with all of them now. The four men shared a look, having a silent conversation again. Dean nodded but left the room a second later.

“Don’t mind him, he just needs time to process.” Sam’s sympathetic smile relaxed you a bit. The bunker was nice, so was the fact that you practically met your brothers but you were not planning on staying with them. Dean’s reaction showed you why. They had lived their lives without knowing they had a sister. You, on the other hand, had known about your brothers for years & yet you did not feel the satisfaction you had so desperately hoped for after finally finding them.

“It’s fine, I’ll get going soon.” with that, you sat up straight & tried standing up. A wave of dizziness kept you from doing so. Castiel was at your side in an instant & guided you back down.

“You need to rest.” he told you.

“You’re not staying?” Jack’s voice erupted from the door. You had almost forgotten he was there too. Your eyes focused on him briefly before you looked back down again, a blush slowly making its way up  on your cheeks.

“It’s for the better. I’ll be fine.”

“(Y/N). You’re our sister. Doesn’t matter if you’re from here or from another world. You’re family. We just found each other, we won’t let you leave again.” Sam’s words made you tear up. He did not know you, yet he told you that you were family & he wanted you to stay. For the first time, you felt like you belonged somewhere & you were overthrown with emotions. Since Castiel was closest to you, he sat himself next to you, threw an arm over your shoulder & pulled you into his chest. Usually, you hated crying in front of people but right now you could not care less. Besides, being in Castiel’s embrace felt right. What was it about him? Neither of them left the room, all staying with you for as long as you needed. When you could not feel more tears flowing down your cheeks, you slowly removed yourself from Castiel, immediately missing the warmth of his body. If you were about to stay here, he would be trouble, you could feel it already. Sam, Castiel & Jack then left the room, telling you to get some more rest & to scream for one of them if you needed anything. Details could be discussed another time.

They were right, you needed sleep. Time to sort your thoughts. Maybe that was the reason why you entered the bunker in the first place. Why you were not concerned about them brutally killing you. After waking up, you were more comfortable with the idea of sticking around with the boys. Sam told you Dean would come around eventually & you just hoped he was right. Getting up, you paddled to the door, quietly opening it since you did not know how late it was. There was a long hallway that looked exactly the same, no matter what direction you were looking at. Distant voices could be heard so you followed them & prayed you would not get lost in that labyrinth of a bunker. You had to ask your brothers a question. Your brothers. It felt weird to call them that but they were, right? Back home, you had read through your dad’s diary about a thousand times. You were familiar with what he wrote about. He called himself a hunter. Sadly, you were not about to meet him. Castiel had told you that he had died a long time ago. Sam & Dean were the only family you had left.

“Um, hi.” you made yourself present & Dean turned around to meet your eyes. He looked a lot less tense, thank God.

“Slept well?” at least he was attempting to start a conversation with you. Nodding your head, you walked over to where Jack was sitting. Dean spoke up again.

“Hey, sorry for how I acted earlier. It was just a lot at once. I do want you to stay. We do.” he emphasized his words. This made you smile. At first you were not sure about how Dean would react but this showed you that he was trying & that was enough. Telling him it was fine, you sat down next to Jack & looked over at what he was reading. The book was old but the condition it was in was surprisingly well. A cup was placed in front of you by Dean & you thanked him. He brought you coffee.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Where is Sam? I wanna ask you guys something.” feeling silly with how you put it, way more dramatic than it actually was.

“Right here.” Sam entered the room, walked past Dean & straight to you. A pat to your shoulder eased the tension a little.

“What is it?” Dean seated himself on top of the table.

“Okay, so…I just want you guys to be honest with me, okay?” both men nodded, Jack was lost in his book, he did not even hear you conversation. You continued.

“Monsters are real & you hunt them?” their eyes widened at your question but deep down they expected something like that. The diary you owned was filled with the supernatural.

“Yeah, we do. It’s kinda the family business.” Dean chuckled at the end. You were family but clearly you had never hunted any monster before.

“Okay.” was all you answered.

“Okay? That’s it? You’re not running outta the door?” Sam could not believe you. He expected you to freak out. On the other hand...you were a Winchester.

“I don’t know about you, Sam, but I let an angel of the Lord look into my head. Monsters don’t sound too crazy after this.” all of you laughed out. “So, you guys hunt the supernatural. Castiel is an angel? And Jack? What is he? Your trainee?” the mention of his name made Jack look at you & before the boys could answer your question, Jack decided to take matter into his own hands.

“I’m a nephilim. The offspring of a human & an angel. Lucifer is my father but not really, you know. My mother died when I was born but I have Sam, Dean & Cas. They are my family.” his smile was too pure for this world but the way he so casually talked about the fact that he was Lucifer’s son had you stunned.

“Sure.” was all you could manage at that point. Jack’s smile grew wider & he got back to reading.

“Welcome to our world? I guess?” Sam’s smile was faked but if you were honest, you could imagine yourself being thrown into this mess. Nothing you could not handle.

~a few months later~

“Guys? Have you seen Cas?” you came running into the kitchen where Sam & Dean were having breakfast.

“What? You boyfriend ditched you?” Dean teased & earned a slap from Sam. You simply rolled your eyes at him. Your brothers realized very soon after coming to them that you had a big crush on Cas & Dean loved to mess with you.

“Shut up, asshole. We’re about to leave for the case in Wisconsin but he’s not here.”

“I haven’t heard from him but come on, sit down & have breakfast with us.” Sam offered. You walked over to the boys & sat down next to Dean who handed you a cup of coffee right away. Your smile was a thank you enough.

“Seriously, though. When will you tell him?” Dean munched on his food, not even looking at you but you knew the question was directed at you.

“That we’re leaving for the case? He knows that, Dean.”

“That you like him.” scoffing could be heard. Sam enjoyed your banter in silence. That was one indicator that you were a their sister. After warming up to them, they found out you were actually a lot like Dean. This made you guys argue more often, never too severe, mainly siblings teasing each other.

“Right, & then we’ll have that apple pie life. Is that what you want? Dean, he doesn’t like me like that.”

“Yeah, he does. Poor dude is a mess whenever he talks to you.” again, you simply rolled your eyes at him. Yes, Cas could be awkward when you guys talked but then again, this was Cas.

“(Y/N)?” Cas came into the kitchen where he could hear voices. Immediately your head snapped up & a smile started forming. An action that did not go unnoticed by both, Sam & Dean. Neither mentioned it though.

“There you are, I got worried for a second.” you got up & pulled Cas into a hug. That was nothing special. The two of you hugged each other all the time. Another thing that Dean commented on a lot of the time. Apparently, Cas had never been much of a hugger before you had come around. You simply shrugged it off even though, deep down, your heart skipped a beat at the idea of you being the reason for his change.

“Jack needed to talk to me, I’m sorry.”

“No problem, are you ready?”

“Yes, we should get going anyway.”

“Alright, bye boys.” whenever one of you got ready for a hunt, you made sure to say goodbye properly. You never knew. The last few months, your brothers had helped you with the basics of hunting. If they were honest, it felt like you were born to be a hunter. You picked up the skills quickly & learned a lot about the supernatural in a very short time. Cas told you that it probably was because you were always meant to be here. After a while, you started believing him. At first, Sam & Dean told you you were not allowed to come on a hunt with them but after realizing that you were good at what you did, you became an inherent part of the team which you were grateful for. Now, they even let you leave with Cas, a big step forward.

“Your bag’s already in the trunk.” Cas pointed at the back of the car.

“Thanks, Cas.” you lovingly smiled at him. Yeah, you were totally into him. Cas stopped briefly & got closer to you. Yet, he made sure to keep a little bit of distance between the two of you.

“Why don’t you tell me?” he whispered & you felt like you could not breathe for a second. Had he heard your conversation with Dean earlier?

“W-What?” you hated how weak & nervous your voice sounded. Why could you not play it cool? Why did you have to make a fool out of yourself? Before you could even process what was happening, Cas slowly leaned in & pressed his lips to yours softly. You were too shocked to kiss him back, not knowing if it was really happening right now. Cas pulled back & he looked rather uncomfortable. Your face was still full of shock.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this. Just…Dean told me you liked me & then I heard your conversation & I thought you might-“ you cut his rambling off by pulling him close again. This time you kissed him & he lost no time in kissing you back. You let yourself get lost in the moment. You had dreamed about this particular moment for months & the fact that it was happening right now? Your body was on fire. When the both of you pulled apart for air, you could see Cas’ smile & you were sure your were blushing like crazy.

“So, Dean was right?” Cas’ hands settled on your waist & it felt natural. As if you had done it a thousand times.

“Remind me to kill him after this case.” you laughed & pulled Cas into a hug. He tightened his arms around you. Who would have thought, all those months ago, that you would end up with an actual family?

“Wasn’t he our…how do you call it? Wingman?” Cas chuckled after planting a soft kiss on the top of your head. He released you from the hug & you moved over to the passenger side. Your elbows were propped up on the hood & a smirk started forming at the corner of your mouth.

“Still. I told him to keep it to himself & he is my brother. I think I have permission to kill him for this.” of course you were joking & if you had to be honest, you were kind of glad that Dean could not keep his mouth shut. Cas walked over to the car, shaking his head at you but you could still see a small smile, opened the door & got in. You smiled to yourself. Finally, you knew that Cas did like you too. Where you were going from there? You were not sure yet. But there was a case you had to finish & it would take a few days to get it done. That would be enough time to figure out what you two were but you had a good feeling about this. It felt right & you had a home with people you loved & cared for. You were meant to be here from the start.

~to be continued?~ (let me know)

Part Two

Published (03/18/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @teelagurl558, @babymango-writes, @hollymac79 (thanks for your support <3)

[whenwordsmakesense]

For Suptober21, Day 5: Nostalgia

Doing this thing (@winchester-reload​)

Moodboard by me (@fanfics-fix (Main Blog)).

All pics taken from Pinterest.

Quotes ("Death is eternal, is it not?" & "And yet I live. Because you found me, anchored me, even in Hell.") by me.

Accompanied ficlet also by me. Will also be posted later on AO3. Read on AO3. 

Title: Pain Bleeds Into Hope

Tags: Post Canon, AU - Canon Divergence, Guilty Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending

Word Count: 957 words

Summary:  Dean wonders about something from his past.

--- READ BELOW ---

It's a little morbid, how they met. Heat and fire and pain, is what comes to mind when Dean thinks about it—that first utterance of his name while he was lost in the screams of his own torture, unable to move in the endless space provided for him. He doesn't even really remember someone saying his name, but Cas says he had called out Dean's name, and Cas can say the sun is blue and he'll believe it.

He'll always believe him. It's been an uphill battle, since the whole crazy Cas thing a few years ago, to be able to come to this moment, but Dean's always been a fighter or so everyone says.

"Dean?" He turns around at the voice; the familiar way Cas says his name, with a gentle care to it like he's still unsure of his grasp on English, with a love that comes crashing, bolting at Dean, always makes him smile, and he does so now. Smiles at Cas as his angel smiles back, tilts his head at the newspaper in Dean's hands. "Sam said there's nothing of note in it,"

"There isn't," he agrees. There's nothing of note on this particular piece of paper, but Dean has latched onto the part where it talks about a birthday bash gone awry—just another shitty day in the world—and it's been a revelation to realize that he hasn't once asked Castiel if he wants one. A birthday. It's not that he can actually have one, but the celebration of a new life entering the world—even if in this case it's about Cas entering the human world, his world—is something Dean wants Cas to have.

He isn't really sure what day that would be, though. And hence the trip down memory lane; it's not easy, to think about then. It brings back memories he'd rather forget, a slew of wrongdoings that itch at him, make his heart pound and limbs sweat with the intensity of his guilt. Pain is a constant in his life, he's accepted it. There would be guilt, too, and there is; he isn't a hero, not when he has cost too many lives over easily dismissed 'mistakes' or 'you did your best', but the guilt of that time is different—it is more in the way that Dean meant to harm them, the others.

It's too much for him, but he's braved worse things just to see another day.

He blinks, focuses on the warmth seeping on the small of his back from Cas' hands, even through the t-shirt he's wearing.

"Cas, do you-do you remember?"

Cas' voice is curious, "I might,"

"When you saved me. Gripped me tight and raised me from perdition and all that jazz,"

There's a silence. Curiosity has turned into confusion, and Dean chuckles at Cas' predictable patterns of human emotions.

He turns, lets the newspaper drop on the table, and looks in those blue eyes that have been his oasis in the chaos of his life for way too long, yet not long enough. Lets his hands rest on Cas' hips, pulls him close, their faces so close that each breath they pull in can be felt on the other's face.

"I was wondering, I don't even know why but. Just humor me." He says when Cas simply raises an eyebrow at him. Dean doesn't wonder about things a lot, and if he does it is rare that he shares them—without prompting at least.

"Always," Cas says solemnly, like it's a promise, and Dean knows that it is.

It makes his heart flutter in ways no middle-aged man's should. But Cas has always made him do things that shouldn't be possible; the fact that he is alive right now is just one of the many examples.

He tells Cas about his thought process—how Cas should have a birthday, how Dean wants to give him one, and how it made him go down the memory lane.

"So, I just, you know. Started thinking how the way we met is kinda morbid, but also really cool. You literally saved me from Hell,"

Cas gives him a quick smile. "Dean, we just went to see Rowena last weekend. In Hell,"

Dean throws his hands up, laughing, and Cas grins. "Who would have thought? Our life is crazy, man,"

They sober up then, and Cas pulls Dean close again, because he'd wound up a bit away in his hysterical excitement over the life he leads.

"The way we met," Cas starts, and Dean moves one of his hands from Cas' hips to his hands, intertwines their fingers together. "That could be seen as morbid, a bad memory, but that's not how I see it."

"Then how do you?" Dean can guess. And he is right.

"Like it's the best day of my existence. Dean, that day, I met you. Granted, the circumstances were not ideal, but it happened and we can't change it. But I like it anyways."

Dean kisses Cas, and when he pulls away, Cas trying to chase his lips, says, "You're such a sap,"

"Is it such a bad thing?"

"Nope, definitely not," Dean says, and he means it.

The whole thing might have been traumatic as- well, hell, but in the end he is here, with Cas in his arms. What more he could he hope for?

Maybe to be together even after death. But when they met because he was dead, that particular wish actually sounds less like a wish and more like any other in the week.

Not to mention the fact that his son is the literal God now.

Yeah. He isn't going to be anywhere but at Cas' side for all of eternity.

[thegeminisage]

birthday meta for the birthday boy <3

[this version of the meta is behind a cut. if you’d prefer the no-cut version, it’s here.]

a fun little fanon from Ye Olde Days of spn (when seasons 1-5 were airing) was that sam always had the absolute worst birthdays. a big part of this is because sam’s birthday is in may. supernatural tends to align itself with “real time,” meaning that they like to use either the date the episode was filmed or the date it aired as the in-universe date, even when two canon dates conflict each other. (they’re so intent on doing this that they pretended the gap years between s5 & s6 and s7 & s8 right out of existence - season openers also usually tend to pick up right after season finales in-universe but still somehow be set several months later.) that means sam’s birthday tends to line up with the airdates on either season finales or episodes right before the finales, which means that every time sam gets a year old, shit hits the fan. 

here’s a list of things that did happen or could have happened on some of sam's birthdays:

0-22: we don’t have much in the way as far as concrete dates go for preseries stuff, but it’s perfectly possible sam walked out all that bullshit the day he turned 18, even if i prefer to think he left at age 19 as that aligns rather tragically with some adam-related canon.

23: we don’t have any dates for the end of s1/opening of s2 either, but it’s likely that sam’s birthday took place between 1.20 (dead man’s blood) and 2.01 (in my time of dying). he could have been doing anything from hunting vampires to saving one of YED’s special children to almost shooting his possessed father to getting hit by a semi to using a ouija board to talk to his not-quite-dead brother.

24: here’s where the real fun starts >:) sam died in cold oak in 2.21 (all breaks loose pt 1) and in the episode he says he’s 23. but according to the lore (extra-canonical material), dean made the deal to bring him back on his 24th birthday...

25: ...which means that on his 25th birthday, he was forced to watch dean get dragged to hell...

25b: ...except that sam had TWO 25th birthdays, because mystery spot took place in february, and sam lived in an alternate timeline where dean stayed dead for 6 months, putting him well past may 2nd. which meant that the first time he turned 25, he was actually getting tortured by gabriel. while his brother was getting tortured (or torturing someone else) in hell.

26: 4.20 (the rapture) took place in very late april/very early may (the wiki says may 3, but that’s just a guess), and 4.21 (when the levee breaks) picks up immediately where it left off. so it’s not only plausible but EXTREMELY LIKELY that sam was locked up in the panic room suffering withdrawals when he turned 26, dude

26b: ...except that in 11.17 (safe house), bobby and rufus’s half of the episode presumably takes place at the same time during season 4, and he mentions sam and dean are in reno?? so you know they could have been doing that instead.

27: we have no hard and fast dates for the end of season 5, but it’s my personal headcanon that sam’s birthday took place during 5.22 (swan song), and he beat the devil and leapt into hell on the day he turned 27 - because at this point, why not. however, his birthday could also have taken place during either 5.20 (the devil you know) or 5.21 (two minutes to midnight), meaning he was reconfronting his old college pal who turned out to be a demon brady, or helping bobby and a human cas destroy the factory with the croatoan virus.

28: there’s a gap year between s5 and s6, so sam’s 28th birthday took place while he was soulless, hunting with the campbell family...

28b: ...except spn likes to say “a year passed” without adding one to the calendar, so sam ALSO had a 28th birthday during the airing of s6. there’s some conflicting information about s6′s timeline, so this could have happened anywhere from 6.18 (frontierland) to 6.21 (let it bleed). sam could have been doing anything from time traveling to fighting eve to grappling with cas going dark side to rescuing lisa and ben.

29: sam’s 29th birthday almost definitely took place during 7.20 (the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo), during which he met charlie. in case you’ve forgotten, that was actually a great day for him - in a moment of true little brother antics and justifiable homophobia, he got to laugh at dean gay flirting with the security guard.

30: there was another gap year between s7 and s8, which means that sam spent the big three-oh with amelia richardson while dean and cas were in purgatory. he got to have a picnic!

30b: ...but since spn ignores gap years, sam ALSO had a 30th birthday during s8 (a big season for him). there isn’t an exact date for the episodes leading up to the finale, which takes place in late may, after sam’s birthday, so his birthday could have taken place in either 8.21 (the great escapist), where he nearly died of his trial-induced fever and confessed to dean that he always felt unclean, or during 8.22 (clip show), where he met sarah blake again after nearly a decade, only to have her die right in front of him.

31: the s9 timeline is pretty vague, but the best guess for this one is 9.18 (meta fiction), in which sam finally gets to confront gadreel, the angel who possessed him and killed kevin with his hands

32: the s10 timeline is also short on dates, so sam’s birthday could have taken place anywhere between 10.16 (paint it black) and 10.21 (dark dynasty). a few possible things sam could have been doing: dealing with a hunt involving soulless people, helping cas and bobby break metatron out of heaven’s prison, catching up with charlie and giving rowena the book of the damned, battling the cursed werther house (don’t click that unless you’ve seen the episode, the twist is TOO good), reuniting claire with her mom, or building charlie’s pyre.

33: the last quarter or so of s11 happens really quickly sequentially, every episode picking up soon after the last one left off, which means that sam’s birthday either took place at the very end of the season or the beginning of s12. it’s most likely he turned 33 either the day dean saved the sun and sam himself got shot and kidnapped by toni bevell, or a few days later when he was being held captive and tortured in her basement.

34: unfortunately, sam’s 34th birthday almost definitely took place during 12.21 (there’s something about mary). i was really hoping it’d be 12.22 so he could be kicking the bmol’s asses, learning lucifer was back, and hugging mary, but no...instead he was mostly likely learning that ketch had had eileen killed. 

35: because of some weird canon, the timeline for season 13 is actually batshit insane and makes no sense whatsoever, which means sam’s birthday is really early this season - either during 13.17 (the thing) where he rescues his brother from a frisky tentacle monster or 13.18 (bring ‘em back alive) where he hangs out with gabriel and cas in the bunker. since that’s garbage, you’d be forgiven for ignoring canon and pretending sam’s birthday fell on one of the following episodes - 13.19 (funeralia) is very touching, as he and rowena clash and then make up with each other; 13.21 (beat the devil) has sam capturing lucifer, then dying and getting revived and captured by him; 13.22 has sam getting a little revenge by leaving lucifer for dead; 13.23, of course, has lucifer finally dying for good.

36: there’s no dates whatsoever on the back half of s14, so theoretically sam’s birthday could take place in any episode after 14.13 (lebanon). the likeliest and COOLEST candidate is for sam to turn 36 during 14.20, in which he shoots god himself point blank. other admittedly inferior  scenarios include his stint as justin the 50s househusband, mary’s death, or putting jack in the ma’lak box.

37: we saw this birthday happen onscreen during 15.14 (last holiday) at a party thrown by mrs. butters. unfortunately, not too long after that, she wound up torturing him by pulling out his fingernails.

38: that’s this year! because the timeline of s15 is also so weird and vague, partially fucked up by covid changing the shooting/airing times, and because sam’s birthday is SO early in s15, it’s possible that he has another one this season, right at the end, or maybe post-canon, which means............................................

...................................................that he’s spending it with dean and jack and the newly revived eileen and cas, in the bunker or somewhere else he feels safe and loved :)

happy birthday, sam winchester <3 after all the unhappy ones...u deserve it

[spn masterpost]

[herstarburststories]

He didn’t make it to 42

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: it’s Dean’s birthday, you go to visit him with some news and things that need to be said.

A/N: Happy bday, De.

Warnings: so much angst, mentions of sex, hopeful/happy ending (?)

Dean’s dead. It’s Dean’s birthday and he’s dead. You can’t argue much.

Sam denied the demon blood inside him, and that didn’t stop its evil nature from growing and gasping for his fresh air to the point he was almost shocked alive. Dean denied his dad’s destructive methods’ results for the longest time, and that didn’t stop the cicatrixes in every emotion he had ever shown. You denied the absence of Dean and that didn’t stop the bricks cracking in your soul. There’s only so far you can go with your eyes closed.

So here you are. Standing in front of an empty grave. You are bigger than the dull tombstone, yet you can’t help but not to feel tall, at all. How can you even start to talk? Talking to Dean used to be easy even when it got hard and now you’re feeling like a lost kid in a supermarket. Your snide thinking spells out his name with venom, saying it isn’t easy for you to open your barmy mouth and spill out contrarian shit because this isn’t Dean, just another meaningless symbolism that Sam promises that will help. The real Dean died almost a year ago, he was burned in a hunter’s funeral, the flames dancing over his body as the smell of burnt meat invaded your nostrils. Whenever you try to remember his fragrance, that manly aroma which you loved to scent each morning, all your brain can come up with is the odor of his skin and guts burning. The smell lingers like bad perfume, it doesn’t matter how many times you wash yourself with his soap-- that only broke your heart worse.

But today is Dean’s birthday. He deserves a visit, even if it’s not him. Then you go and attempt to deal with the desolation, push it away just a little, and pick up something from the enormous pile of things you wish to tell Dean. You glance at the cold tombstone: Dean Winchester. 1979 - 2020. Beloved son, big brother, and husband. Hunter. A hero. Simple definitions that can never make it up for who he was and what he meant. You purse your lips and cough a little, a gentle wind touches your cheek so tenderly. If you were still a believer, you’d think this is some sort of sign, Dean’s presence or some other pious hoax. All you do now is to remain in quietude, a deep breath. Ultimately, your voice comes:

‘’You didn’t make it to forty two, huh?’’ You scoff humorless, reminiscing to the multiple days that Dean said he wouldn’t go past 35. He did live each year like it was the last--- you aren’t sure if it's such a good thing. If you carry on like your days are outnumbered, you are silently entertaining yourself until death's knock on your door. ‘’I always hated when you were right. Let’s be honest, you had the words of a pessimist and the wants of an optimist. Still, if you were to be right about something, it would be about a bad situation. A nest with too many vampires, how crappy the motel’s bedroom would be, or how that third glass of wine would make me tipsy. So yeah, I always hated when you were right. And look at you now! You aren’t right, you aren’t wrong. You are dead! And I’m the crazy girl screaming at an empty tombstone.’’

You let out a laugh empty of joy. That’s how a hunter’s life is: you die and people stop talking about you because it’s too sad or too long gone to hold any pity, meanwhile the ones who recall about you go loud with all the spirits in their heads. You put your hand in the pockets of the heavy leather jacket that once belonged to a green eyed man who would be turning 42 today, some strange force causing you to speak again.

‘’Wow.’’ You shake your head to the blue way you paint the scene until you notice that you never greeted him. ‘’Hey.’’ The simple word adds a comical insult to injury. ‘’Guess the dead don’t care about manners, huh?’’ You arch your eyebrows with a grin that demonstrates anything but happiness. ‘’Miracle died. Sam digged a hole next to the bunker and buried him there. He isn’t the same since you died, you know? Not the deceased dog-- Well, he wasn’t the same either. Always whining and scratching your door like a fucking cat, and sniffing your old boots. He made me company in your bed and I whined as much as he did when you didn’t come back home that day. He stood by the door most days, waiting for you to appear. I can’t judge him, I did the same.’’ You shrug, not caring about how risible that confession may look. It's true. You became as irrational as a loyal dog at some point in this sorrow. ‘’And Sam, your baby brother… I think he died with you right there, Dean. He didn’t try to bring you back as he promised, but I shouted and screamed so much. I said I would burn the bunker and throw Baby over a cliff if he didn’t-- if he didn’t let me try. I lived up to the mad woman title.’’

You are crestfallen, pacing on top of where the eldest Winchester - Sam’s brand new nomination -  supposedly was buried. You know your boots barely touch an infected land, there's no deceased man under your steps. The dead thing is in you.

‘’I spent days dragging your body everywhere and nowhere, anywhere I could catch a crumb of relief in hope to bring you back. But I couldn’t. Jack could, but that ungrateful idiot doesn’t wanna follow his grandpa steps and get too attached to mere humans, the creation or whatever. As if we are just some skin and bone to him, as if you are just another human.’’

You sit down on the tombstone, some tender solace in being close to a thing that's supposed to represent him, like sleeping hugged to a pillow or waking up to a photograph of his. Your nails sink against the gelid concrete at the thought of screaming into the sky for the new God that seemed as deaf as the last one. His calm answer to your burning pain. How he dared to tell you he knew what he was doing— as if he was the original lord and not a three years old. You can't make him do it, so you hold on the fury of some overthrown nation.

‘’Anyway, I couldn’t bring you back. Your body, well, you know how human anatomy works. Your body started to smell like death. We tried to stop with human and magic ways, and it wouldn’t work because you were dead. You should’ve seen the doctor’s face when we got you in that fancy hospital tha night. I think we traumatized the doctor with so much violence and trauma. She didn’t even give us a false hope or anything, you know? She just asked about organ donation of what was left. She just wanted to take every little thing out of you, as if you were just another accident on a Tuesday night.’’ Your shake your head as the memories and your points start to mix, it's hard to discern things and keep a straight line when you have an open wound in your insides. ‘’Well, they couldn’t bring you back to life, and neither could Rowena or whatever I looked for. Don’t be mad because I tried, Winchester. You know I’m too stubborn for my own good. I had to try.’’ you refuse to apologize, yet adds the playful words in his eulogy. ‘’But then your body started to stink and God, how could I continue to be so violent to your corpse? That was when I decided to listen to you for the first time and to Sam, so I let you go. I hate you for asking that.’’ What an ambiguous, contradictory truth to bare. You are glimpses of a person for months because of Dean Winchester, still have the energy to argue his selfless logic, just to love him even more. He's got your devotion, but man you can hate him sometimes. ‘’I hate you for going on that stupid hunt. I hate you for being dead, you giant idiot that I love so much.’’ You can't bring your mouth to say loved. "I was always telling you to let the past go and now I’m in love with a dead thing. What a comic way to end our history. I told you that Miracle died, right? I don’t know if dogs go to heaven, but I hope he’s in there with you. I wonder what your heaven is like. I bet it has Whiskey.''

Your dry chuckle makes your notice the tears in your eyes, glistening your orbs as they go like a waterfall to be absorbed by the thirsty land after leaving your cheeks.

"Sam and I-- We tried to make some sense out of this cruelty, but we can’t. You are dead and I can’t seem to put it past me. I still sleep in your bed, and I can still taste your body burning on the roof of my mouth in the quiet nights. I cried this morning because someone asked for a burger, can you believe that? It was so stupid since I used to shake my head and argue with you about cholesterol. Suddenly I was crying at lunch in a restaurant because some stupid kid asked for a burger with extra bacon. They sang Happy birthday to this dumbass child, and I interrupted with my awful crying, and wished that you were celebrating your birthday and not that kid. I guess you could say I wish death upon an innocent child with a problematic eating routine.’’ That was a whole new level of low, as if you are the one wrapped with the sentiment of laying six feet under.

‘’Everyone tells you about how grief is singular and particular with similar emotions that bring people who went through this together. They even have that crap stages thing and all that. You know what they don’t tell you?’’ Your mouth shuts for a moment, like you are waiting some response. You nod as if whatever you were expecting is handed to you. ‘’Grief can be fucking ridiculous. Who cries because of a burger full of oil and cardiac diseases? Who cries because they found a grocery store recipe under her dead boyfriend’s bed? Who falls on the ground screaming in the middle of the mall because they saw a flannel? Who? Those things are so stupid.’’ You smile like there's no tomorrow and the laugh leaving your lips is a treacherous tone. Perhaps you just aren't build up to express joy anymore. ‘’You see it in the movies and in the books and you think, you know, you think to yourself that grieving is being sad on special dates and randomly remembering the loved ones because of some screaming memory, like a flannel or their perfume. Thing is, it’s not just that. All your body seems so small, so tight for all the ache and agony inside it. Your senses go wild, you are not just one person in one place. You’re just the pain everywhere, like being pulled apart and you beg to jump in the fucking grave with them. At least you would be together, at least you would feel like one person and not suffering edges of a broken earthy thing. And--And you start remembering things you didn’t even know you had mesmerized. I look at the ceiling and remember you saying you’d paint it someday. I look at the kitchen and remember me screaming at you for giving Miracle the rest of the food. I smell Sam’s clothes and started crying because hey, they don’t smell like alcohol. You don’t iron them while drinking anymore, so of course they don’t smell like cheap beer.’’ You are chuckling through the tears and it only makes it more monstrous. ‘’Everything is you now that you are gone. Every man has something similar to you, every garden is green as your eyes, and each step sounds like you are coming home. They didn’t prepare me, not for this.’’ You said breathless. A soft single follows. The knife cuts both ways; the empty breeze and the words hurt. Where's the middle term? Where's the limbo? Where's the only safe place for you to rest your weary head?

Out of nowhere, you blurt out, ‘’I can’t masturbate,’’ I know it’s something stupid and even selfish to say, but I think you’d like to know. I can’t masturbate. That’s a part of the whole losing someone process that people are too ashamed to discuss, or maybe they don’t have the urge to be touched anymore because after someone you love dies, after someone-- the hands who touched are dead and cold, you become a haunted object. That’s how I feel most days, like I’m a haunted house because you touched me and now you’re dead and some days I believe I am too.’’ You look around the places. It's beautiful. It's lonely. It has trees and flowers and green. Not as green as Dean's eyes, but it doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't even have eyes at this point. ‘’Well, I can’t masturbate. I can’t touch myself. And I can’t ask someone else either. I tried and ended up punching the guy, Dean. I swear. I panicked when he was between my legs and just punched his nose. You’d have liked it, you were always the jealous kind. I won’t admit that, but I thought it was kinda hot. Especially when you got possessive in sex.’’ A dirty grin appeared on your lips, the echoes of luxury lasting in your eyes for a brief moment. ‘’I don’t think I can be cared for anymore, honestly. Sam tried to hug me when Miracle died and I… It was like I wasn't there. I got frozen in time, and I live in my sleep. In my nightmares you are alive. I  dream about the day you died every week and I used to wake up screaming, but now those nightmares are the only proof you were alive now that you’re as dead as the police report says this time. It was the most painful, calamitous moment for you and I swear it was a nightmare for me, but then I realized that at least I had you there, egoistical or not, I made my nightmare into a dream.’’ You aren't sure which opinion Dean would have on that. Would he understand? Would he shake his head? You wish you can ask him just this one more thing, just beg him to write it down for you on how to be without him here.

You raise on your feet, glaring at the name craved in the concrete. The tears go by still, although they're as usual as the blood in glir veins at this point. ‘’Death is so silly. What it takes, anyway?" Each word conquers more inches of pure wrath. ''People die because they stumbled on their own feet and hit their head somewhere, or they drove their car too close and too fast to the cliff, or because they were giving birth, or because they dated the wrong person, or because they were hunting a fucking vampire and got impaled. What are the chances? How stupid, and idiotic is death? Always creeping and waiting to bite and chew a piece of you-- Taking every scrap of you from me like that’s its right.’’ You are screaming, starting to kick and punch the tombstone with any piece of straight you have. Your limbs hurt and the blood is visible, but you keep going. ‘’YOUR STUPID DOG DIED, DEAN! AND YOU DIED! AND I DIED! SAMMY DIED! YEAH, IS SAID SAMMY! GO AHEAD, TELL ME ONLY YOU CAN CALL HIM THAT.’’ Another punch, your knuckles are ripped. Another kick, your boot as a hole. ‘’DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.’’ Kick. ‘’SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY!’’ A punch to each name. Anything to get a reaction, to get comfort. Anything. ‘’YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.’’ Gasping for something you don't need anymore, sweet oxygen, your eyes are on the tombstone again. And the definitions. And the trees. Your body is sore and aching. It is the kind and coercion no person wants which you needed; the freedom of feeling outside the exact pain that was inside. ‘’You can’t because you are dead. I’ve been playing some sick games in my mind, you know? Sam stopped hunting and had his closure. He was always better at letting go than you and I, but he’s still hurting. I never saw him hurting so much. I think he knows you won’t come back this time, how could you make us promise something like that?  Well, my twisted game is a bunch of misleading what ifs. What if you hadn’t gone after John? What if you hadn’t gone on that last hunt? What if you had stayed with Lisa? At first I didn’t like her much. Jealous, I admit that. But she grew on me. She gave you something I couldn’t back then and I’ll always be thankful for that. And even though it would rip me apart, I’d rather you to die at sixth after living your suburban dream with her. Have another kid besides Ben, maybe a girl this time, and just have that apple pie life. You and Sam would live close and your kids would always play. They’d be as close as brothers. Maybe I’d get a guy and bring my own kids and we could’ve a barbecue and everyone would be happy. But we don’t get soft epilogues here. It ends how it starts, right? Bloody and desperate. I thought maybe, maybe Lisa could understand what’s going through my head now. I drove to her new address and parked close to her house. I must have spent hours there, thinking if I should come in or not, If she somehow remembered after Castiel died or if I could make her brain work again if I told her the truth. But then I just drove back home and fell asleep wrapped in that stupid lumberjack flannel of yours. The one I always mocked, yeah? She may understand me, but I know you wouldn’t want that. You want her, you want me and Sam to be happy. I don’t know if I can do that, Dean. It’s like myt brittle soul shrewd and my body is just waiting to collapse.’’ You signed, overwhelmed by the battle without an anthem. The victory with no triumph. Is it still a win when you don't have someone to come home too? ‘’Your dog died, it’s the first birthday you didn’t live to see, and I bought all the things you told Mrs Butters you wanted for your birthday because it’s your birthday. I just don’t know how to celebrate it with you dead. People stop counting after they die, right? They just say he’d have been 42 or he died at 41. They give melancholy smiles when they wake up and check the day on their phones and a woe atmosphere swallows them for the rest of the day. Then they get better the next day. I think everyday is your birthday.’’ You attempt to wipe away your tears, which only causes your pulsating hand to stain your face red. ‘’Dean, for the first time, what died stayed dead! Congrats.’’ Once again, a hysterical laugh. ‘’I wish but no. What died didn’t stay dead, you are alive, so alive in my head. I swear you are there some days. I wake and watch the door, so sure you’ll come back. Sam says I’m living in delusion and I have to wake up and keep going since that's what you would want. That's enough to make him keep going, but it only makes me angry. Everyone we know and some strangers looks at me like I'm a house on fire and no longer a warm home, like I'm a car accident. They think I don't notice but I do.’’ You look at your boots, the whole is rolling out blood like your hands. You feel closer to Dean. How sick.

‘’Help, I’m still right where you left me." You plea, his love lingering like a bruise. ''I think gravity is overwhelming and it keeps me here. Sometimes it’s like I’m one of those dusted books Sam used to read. Or those Bukowski ones that you hid, so we wouldn’t see how smart you’re. You tried so hard to hide your intelligence because you didn’t think you were entitled to it. You saw yourself as the protector and never the valuable one for protection. You, the man who made an EMF out of an old radio, who rebuilt the Impala from the ground multiple times, and who knew patterns better than any detective. The man who showed me I could rely on someone other than myself. The dude with a lopsided grin, tough hands and a heart of gold. I miss you so much. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing all those classic rock songs and Taylor Swift pop hits, while I drove here. I would think you were home, smelling like guts because you wanted to eat before taking a shower after a hunt. I would think that you are in the Deancave, waiting for me to curl up on your lap to watch Scooby Doo or Doctor Sexy MD until we aren’t watching anymore. If I didn’t know better I would think no death could take you from me. There would be no tear us apart in our vows.’’ The only thing that keeps your organism working is that Dean died knowing how much you loved him. You never let this talk for later or never. No tomorrow is promised. That's a nice comfort, maybe that's what will help you to let go in the future. ‘’But yesterday your stupid, skink dog died and I lost the last living thing that I had from you. You know what’s more angerting? I cried and Sam cried and I noticed we were the living things you left behind and all we have is each other. All your closets of backlogged dreams were left for us-- so yeah. Sam is done hunting and he’s met a lovely girl, and they are moving in like in your domestic dreams. I’m taking care of the family business like your other contradictory dream and making sure Sam is safe enough to be normal. Because I have to, we have too. Stupidly enough, I still wait for the day you’ll burst out the door and tell us to hit the road again. I still watch every episode of your dumb tv shows to make sure I’ll know everything that happened when you ask. I still drive around in your car and close my eyes when the street is calm, only picturing you driving as Baby’s engineers go wild but those are my hands on the steering wheel. If I didn't know better, I’d think you are still around. But I know better. I still feel you all around. I love you.’’

Your monologuing ends as astutely as it stated. You get up, press a kiss to your ruined for the next weeks hands and place it on the rock with writings. You turn around and walk back to the car that you parked near, only in case of Dean wanting to see Baby. How knows? You and your clandestine faith. You lick your lip and get in the car.

You swear you the AC/DC cassette wasn't there before, but when you turn on the car and the radio it starts playing. It's the first true smile that comes to your mouth, it's bloodstained and you look like a shameless woman. With that you can deal.

It hurts a bearable hurt for now. You didn't think it was possible. Maybe someday.

The end.

(she takes a little longer to arive in heaven than sammy. his baby brother says that women are most likely to live around six years more than men. it doesn't ease him up, though. dean waited sam for too long, his platonic soulmate. and now he has to wait his romantic one too? the eldest Winchester considers it the best earthly present when the he sense you around, that smell of orange and apples. it's you, he knows before even turning around. he can't wait to love you again. your name rolls off your tongue so naturally, as if you had seen each other just yesterday: ‘’hey, y/n.’’)

But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?

REBLOG AND COMMENT. Feedback is magic and helps me!

Starburst's footnote: It just didn't feel right to make an author's note on the top. I wanted it all only to be an arrow to the story. So, this is my side note: it's six am and I'm up writing this after inspiration kissed me with a bruise in the middle of the night. Or more like grabbed my throat. Anyway, I had to write and finish this one to post today, even pushing sleep aside. Hey, we are writers, that's what we do! I've been watching the show since I was eleven and I cried like a baby with the finale. This series was just so important and crucial to molde aspects of relationships for me. The song marjorie by Taylor Swift was used here, and so was the line "you got my devotion/ but man, I can hate you sometimes" by Harry Styles. I told you guys I would use it somewhere! A special thanks to @msmarvelouswinchester​ who helped me with her encouraging and opinon. You are the best! And with all of this I wanna say: Happy bday, Dean Winchester!

REBLOG AND COMMENT! Feedback is magic! Especially about this fic, I’d like to know your opinion. Tags in the reblog! Send an ask or dm to get in the taglist.

[caranfindel]

Take these broken wings and learn to fly (15.20 coda)

het, but Wincest-compatible | about 2300 words | PG-13 for language | characters: sam winchester, sam’s blurry wife |

Julia has been widowed (God, what an awful word, widowed) for three years when she meets Sam. It’s a work-based friendship at first. She’s kind of lonely and sad, he’s kind of lonely and sad, and they gravitate toward each other. And then one evening they’re at a bar, the last ones left from an after-work happy hour, both of them drinking more than they should, and she thinks he’s kind and thoughtful and smart and he may be 10 years older than me but he’s still hot as hell and I enjoy being with him and I look forward to seeing him and maybe I should just… and she kisses him. He’s shocked; shocked enough to confirm that he wasn’t just hanging around hoping to make it out of the friendzone. And then he’s holding her face in his hands and he’s kissing her too.

It’s good. They’re good together. It’s not the earth-shattering, all-encompassing romance she had with Shaun. Julia knows she’ll never have anything like that again. Most people don’t even get one soulmate in their lives; no one gets two. And she knows Sam doesn’t have that same desperate love that Shaun had for her; she knows she’ll never have his whole heart. (She knows the woman he intended to marry was killed in a fire, she knows another woman he loved went back to her ex. She doesn’t know which of these women still owns that last piece of Sam’s heart.) But she loves Sam, and he loves her, and they get married.

(The sex is amazing. Sometimes he’s gentle, almost reverent, as if he’s afraid he’ll break her, and other times he’s fierce and passionate and almost tries to break her, and she loves both ends of the spectrum.)

She suggests they melt down her old wedding band to make a new one. It was an heirloom from her grandmother, a plain wide band of yellow gold that she loves, that she thought she’d wear for the rest of her life. But Shaun is the one who put it on her finger the first time. It doesn’t seem right to ask Sam to accept it now. A new band from the old gold seems like a good compromise. No, Sam says, I couldn’t ask you to do that. I know a way we can make it ours. He has the inside of the band engraved with the same symbol he wears tattooed over his heart, and makes her promise to never take it off. Bad luck, he says.

He’s such a contradiction. Scary smart, but as superstitious as an Appalachian grandmother. Calm and unflappable, but with a weirdly hyperactive startle reflex. Kind and empathetic, but capable of extreme violence when pushed to his limits (seriously, don’t walk your drunk ass up to Sam Winchester’s wife and lay hands on her, and don’t get mouthy when she tells you to back off) and just really, frighteningly skilled at that violence.

(A little frightening and also very sexy. Julia’s always had a thing for the hero type.)

They both have nightmares. One night Julia watches Shaun’s face melting under his gear and wakes with a cry of horror. Sam holds her as she tearfully describes living on the knife edge of constant fear that comes with loving someone whose job is literally running into burning buildings. I know, he says, over and over, even though he can’t possibly know. The irony of their first loves both dying in flames is not lost on her, but it’s not like his college girlfriend was a firefighter. It’s not like he watched her go to work every day and prayed she’d make it home alive.

Julia’s pregnancy is a wonderful surprise. She and Shaun had tried for over a year before she was widowed, and she just didn’t count on it happening with Sam. They agree not to name the baby after anyone they’ve lost. Let’s not name him after our pain, she says, and Sam is okay with that. (Or he isn’t. But ever since she showed him the positive pregnancy test, she’s known she could ask him for anything. She’s known he would rip out his heart and serve it on a platter if she asked for it.)

But they haven’t decided on a name yet when her water breaks four weeks early. When their perfect baby boy is born at 12:10 a.m., the nurse announces the date and time and Sam looks up at her in shock and blinks away happy tears and says it’s the 24th. It’s my brother’s birthday. Julia is flying high on endorphins; she loves this baby and she loves this man and she even loves his dead brother she never got to meet, and she says it’s got to be a sign; let’s name him Dean.

She takes off her wedding ring, just this once, to have Dean’s birthdate engraved on the inside. Sam does the same with his own ring. He insists they go to a jeweler who will engrave while they wait, rather than leaving the rings there. She waves a hand at her lumpy postpartum body. You afraid someone’s gonna make a move on all this if you don’t keep a ring on it?

He laughs at her and says you’re onto me, even though he’s the one who needs to be locked away, still with that long lean runner’s body and the amazing shoulders and the goddamn dimples. I just don’t like us being without them, he says. He is a sweet, sentimental fool and she adores him. He bends down to kiss her, carefully maneuvering the baby he’s wearing in a sling, and Julia looks at this man and this baby and this life she didn’t think she was get to have and knows she’s happier than she has any right to be. And she’s relieved when Sam slips the ring back onto her finger, this ring imbued with the men she loves, so maybe he’s not the only sentimental fool.

(One thing she loves about Sam is that he understands why she feels guilty that Shaun didn’t get to share this life with her.)

In July they light a little candle for Dean’s six-month birthday. When Julia wakes the next morning, Sam’s side of the bed is empty and cold. She finds him cuddling their sleeping baby in the living room. I got up to give him a bottle, Sam says. I guess I just fell asleep out here. His red-rimmed eyes and empty coffee mug suggest he didn’t actually sleep at all, but, well. They’re both battling their own private demons. If a night cradling the baby gives Sam some peace for whatever reason, she’s glad of it.

Sam’s fierce love for their child takes her by surprise. If Julia has 90% of his heart, his son has 110%. He parents with a vengeance, is the only way she can think of to describe it. Like he’s making up for something. She doesn’t feel slighted, but it’s impossible to ignore that ever since Dean was born, Sam’s prime objective has been to make sure the boy is happy and safe. Everything else comes second.

(When she notices Sam has been carefully marking his tattoo symbol onto Dean’s clothing, hidden near seams and always in a color that almost matches the fabric, she decides not to say anything. He gets a little funny about his superstitions sometimes.)

Sam desperately wants Dean to have a sibling, and they try for another one, but it doesn’t happen. Julia reminds him that they’re lucky to have even one child. That having a sibling is not a lifetime guarantee of companionship and love. She should know, after all, since Stephanie cut her off after she married that asshole Scientologist and decided she couldn’t have a relationship with anyone who wasn’t also in their stupid cult.

Dean has plenty of friends and tons of activities, which Sam encourages with an almost religious fervor, but he never pulls away from his parents. They have so much in common, Sam and his son. Instead of rebelling as a teenager, Dean seems to grow even closer to his father. They spend hours together, paging through the ancient books in Sam’s study (she hates them, they smell musty and make her sneeze) or driving in the old Chevrolet. They even travel together sometimes, visiting those friends of Sam’s that live up north somewhere. Julia met them at the wedding and they were perfectly nice, thrilled to death that she and Sam had found each other. But she always feels like an outsider when they’re around, like they’re part of something she’ll never understand. So much history, with Sam and the brother she never got to meet. They absolutely dote on Dean though, and he seems to love them too, so the boys’ trip to Sioux Falls becomes an annual event.

(Dean is 14 years old when he comes home from one of these trips with his own version of the tattoo.)

When Julia is diagnosed with cancer, Dean is 16 years old. Sam does his best to ensure life goes on as normal for their son but somehow never neglects Julia’s needs. He throws himself into research and is always on top of the latest treatment, always at her elbow with the top internet-recommended remedy for her side effects, making sure both she and Dean have everything they want and need, all the attention and support they can tolerate. She doesn’t know when, or if, Sam actually sleeps. When she feels up for it, he arranges experiences for the three of them. A week lying on the beach, a weekend in New York City, a night in the mountains looking at the stars. When we look back on this time, he says, I don’t want us to only remember how much it sucked. I want us all to have good memories too.

(She doesn’t know why he’s concerned about her memories. There’s a good chance she won’t have much time to enjoy them. But it’s good for Dean. She doesn’t want this to ruin Dean’s childhood.)

Sam insists Dean go away to college as planned. Julia agrees, although she’s kind of surprised he’s willing to let the boy out of his sight. Aren’t you going to miss him? she asks.

So much, he answers. But this isn’t about me, and what I need. It’s about him. They drive Dean to school in the ancient Chevrolet. Supposedly because the trunk has room for all of his stuff, but Julia is pretty sure it’s just one last sentimental road trip in the old thing before Sam retires it. When they pick Dean up at the end of the school year, it’s in her SUV. Dean promises his father, more than once, that he’ll restore the Chevy someday.

Five years after Julia’s diagnosis, she’s sitting in the doctor’s office learning that her last remission was her last remission. There are no more options. She has months, not years. Sam clutches her hand and nods, once, as if to say I should have known this would happen; I should have expected something like this. Then he takes her home.

It’s a blessing in a way, he says late that night, after a little too much to drink. Knowing what’s coming. Having time to say goodbye. You don’t always get that. And yes, she knows this as well as anybody does.

Sam has always been supportive of her choice not to contact Stephanie, but one day he says Jules, I promise I’ll never bring it up again. It’s just that I don’t want you to have any regrets. I don’t want you miss the opportunity to say things that you’ll wish you’d said. Julia isn’t sure Steph will speak to her. She’s not even sure she’ll have the same phone number — they haven’t spoken since Dad’s funeral, a year after she was widowed — but she makes the call. And Steph answers. And cries. And comes to visit, where she hugs and cries some more. Sam watches it all with a sad smile for a while, then disappears into the garage to sit in the old Chevy.

When Julia takes her last conscious breaths, Dean is holding one hand and Sam is holding the other. She squeezes her son’s hand and thinks I love you, dear boy, and I’m sorry I have to leave you. She squeezes her husband’s hand and thinks thank you for giving me this, thank you for taking care of me, thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Then she closes her eyes and lets the soft, warm darkness take over.

And then. Then she wakes to a cool breeze and the sound of chirping birds. She’s standing at a lake she recognizes. It’s Shaun’s favorite fishing spot. And Shaun is there, waiting for her. And everything is okay.

Sam does show up eventually. Julia’s sitting on the porch of the cabin with Shaun, enjoying the perpetual nice day (sometimes a spring morning, sometimes a fall afternoon, but always nice) when she hears the familiar rumble. It cant be, she thinks. It can’t be that old car. But it is.

I’m glad you found someone with good taste in cars, Shaun says, as Sam unfolds himself from the driver’s seat. He looks exactly as he did the day she met him; no glasses, only a little grey at his temples. Still tall and strong and beautiful. She runs to meet him and embraces him as Shaun watches from the porch.

You found Shaun, Sam says. I’m so happy for you, Jules. I really am. He doesn’t seem to have any intention of joining her (their) Heaven permanently, but he doesn’t seem to have anyone else with him either. Where is the dead girlfriend? How is this fair?

They talk about Dean, and Julia’s heart swells with pride over her strong, smart, kind, brave son. He’s like you, she says. He’s just like you.

Sam shrugs. He’s a Winchester.

But what about you? she says. You’re not — you’re not alone here, are you?

Nah, he says. I’m good. I promise.

(Eventually Julia meets the first Dean, and she understands.)

===

I know a lot of people have mocked Sam's blurry wife, but I actually have grown to love the concept. Because it means she can be anything we want her to be. And yeah, initially I liked the idea of her being Dr. Cara, or Eileen. But now I don't think that would happen. I think Sam would have to start fresh to have that kind of relationship. And I also like the idea of Sam's wife having her own soulmate somewhere, waiting for her, so she's not a huge part of Sam and Dean's shared Heaven. I mean, they're gonna visit, obviously. And then they'll go home to their soulmates.

The title is from "Blackbird" by the Beatles.