#happy birthday gwen love u miss u

[thebestandrealestever]

~NOT YOU TOO!~

miles1610/hobie brown x black fem! reader

sum: miles cheats on reader w gwen, reader gets even 🤷🏽‍♀️

warnings : slang, the n word, cursing, cheating . emotional cheating. READER BEING PETTY unedited and not proofread

genre: angst, a lil of comfort?

a/n:i rly hope it don’t disappoint, part 2 w miles and reader make up eventually, cause i can’t stand writing miles as a dickhead. JUST A STORY, I DONT CONDONE CHEATING, DONT THIS TO PEOPLE.

- - - - - - - - - <\3 - - - - - - - - - -

first time in a long time.

hurting deeply inside .

there it was. the confirmation you so desperately needed to blow off on miles. you’d suspected he was messing with gwen for a little while now, him leaving you too go on missions with her that ONLY they knew about, being on facetime with her while he was at YOUR house, his highlight on instagram for her, not to mention the countless drawings of her around his room that he hid horribly, just a bunch of weird shit. you had conversations about it before but he always reassured you and gaslit you until you shook of the accusations. but now, now you knew he was cheating. miles was in the shower he left his phone on the nightstand, you looked long and hard at it. debating whether if it was a invasion of privacy, as you thought about it you get more and more upset. if gwen could be an invasion of your relationship then this didn’t really matter. you pick up the phone and put the password it, it’s his birthday (narcissist 🙄.) you go to gwen’s message thread, the blue heart next to it made you infuriated. your stomach twist and your eyes leak with tears that you don’t even try to wipe not wanting to miss anything. all of the “i love you’s” and the “im with her right now’s” made your fingers tremble as you scrolled farther into their text. why did he waste his time with you if he loved her? why would he do that to you? when did he fall out of love? what did you do? your thoughts quickly interrupted by the sound of the shower turning off you jumped up turned the phone off and put it in the same downward facing position wiping your face speed walking back to the bed pretending to watch tv.

“what’s going on now , ma?“ he asked referring to the episode you were watching. your face turned as you came up with a lie. “uh nothing really they just found out she was pregnant” you huffed, you’ve never been a good liar and miles could read your emotions like they were his own, you had no idea how you were going to go the rest of the night with him, so you didn’t. getting up from the bed you acted like your mom texted you to come home, frowning looking at the fake text. miles squinted at your pout, walking closer to you he said,

“you okay?” “my mom said i had to come home, she’s going out tonight and wants me to watch my sister, she’s sick” miles fake frowned “you want me to come with you?” he suggested walking to his drawers to get some clothes. you shook your head no “i don’t want you to get sick, it’s fine i’ll just facetime you okay?” you said as you picked up your purse and put on your shoes. “okay at least lemme drive you home. can’t have my baby walking alone in the dark.” he joked as he put on his own shoes and jacket too. you internally cringed at his sentence reminded of who he also called his “baby”.

trust, trust who?

watching my back even when i’m in the booth.

ohh, trust who?

you’re in the passenger seat of his car, seeing the blue hair tie in the cup holder that wasn’t yours. you stared at it for a bit rethinking your entire relationship. he glanced at you, then the hair tye. he spoke up rubbing your thigh trying to get your mind off of it. “u wanna go to the mall tomorrow? we can get froyo.” he suggested knowing that you liked the froyo place in the mall, you knew he was trying to make you happy so you wouldn’t question the hair tye you just went along with it.

“yea okay.” you smiled warmly at miles not meaning it at all. his phone buzzed and you both looked down at it, the speed of which he grabbed it in was almost inhumane. you side eyed him closely as he swiped the opened the message then turned his phone off placing it into the cup holder facing away from you. as you pulled up to your house he leaned forward to peck your cheek, you couldn’t stand the feeling of his lips on your skin right you. “bye mami, facetime me later okay?” he whispered as he looked into your eyes with that same look on his face that made you swoon once before. “okay, i will” you said knowing you weren’t. as soon as you got into your room you cried, searching in your mind for a clue on why he was doing this to you. you’d tears interrupted once again as your phone buzzed, who was calling you and why couldn’t they go away ?? you checked it as a small smile speared on your face it was margo. margo kess had been your best friend since before you met miles, she worked at the same spidey agency he did , or whatever the fuck it was called. you answered wiping your tears. she was eating unti she saw your expression. “what happened??? why you crying boo?” she frowned at you through the screen “miles is cheating on me with gwen, i checked his phone” you chuckled through sniffles as her jaw dropped “what the fuck?? u exposed him his ass right ??” she shouted and you shook your head “i was in denial i guess, i still can’t believe this shit” “you know what you gotta do right?” she said and your face turned into a confused expression “what i gotta do?” she rolled her eyes “get even duhhhhh!! you way to pretty to let this nigga cheat on you with a big back ass bitch you know that.” you snorted at her compliment “ion know mar, maybe gwen didn’t know we was dating” you said trying to express grace to gwen.

“bitch how?? all that nigga do is talk about you, not to mention youre his lock screen.” you tilted your head in agreement, she spoke up again “and you been told his ass all that shit he did with gwen was weird and he didn’t stop it? if he wanna act nonchalant you can act notchabitch” margo smiled as she her attempt to cheer you up worked. “speak of the damn devil, guess who texted me.” you smirked as margo raised her eyebrow “don’t tell me you talm bout hobie.” you tried to fight the smile on your face as you clicked on his message

“hey, wyd rn?” the text read. margo sighed as she saw the smile on your face “HOBIE. HOBART BROWN?? really (name)? well i mean the way he looks at you is crazy, and i been saying y’all would be mad cute .” she shrugged as she resolved up her own feelings, you nodded as you thought about it . was this really what you wanted to do? hurt miles? nonono if he didn’t care about hurting you he can’t say shit when you do it back. you texted hobie back “nun rn, wby?” and he replied almost instantly “im bored, lemme come over?” you almost laughed at how you realized that hobie has never cared about your relationship with miles . you told him yes and you said your goodbyes to margo as you got ready for him to come over, eyes burning as you saw the multiple hoodies that miles owned .

“hey love.” hobie said as he walked into your room from the window, you always noticed hoboes accent but you never noticed how attractive it was until now. “hey hobie.” you said as he lifted your chin up with index and thumb. “you’ve been crying? what happened ?” he said trying to read your face. “um nothing just stuff with miles” he almost winced at the mention of miles, he would offen tell you that he wasn’t good for you, guess he was right. “what did he do now. something when gwen again i bet” you sighed deeply remember the messages in his phone again. “yea, he’s cheating i just found out.” hobie eyebrows furrow as you say this, if he didn’t like the way miles was treating you before, he definitely hated him now.

“i was just joking but, really? what the fuck? after everything you’ve done for him? i’m gonna murder him i swear to g-“ “hobie no, no don’t say anything. i’m fine i’m gonna deal with it myself.” you say pushing him back with your fingers. “at least let me make you feel better.” he said giving you a tight hug. he smirked as he said “you know i’d never make you feel like that.” you snorted into his chest pulling away, hobie grabbed your face with both hands and kissed your forehead. “you don’t deserve this ,(name) you deserve the entire world” he muttered , looking down at you with so much care. stand on your tipe toes to kiss hobie, he doesn’t kiss back for a while in shock but then he reciprocates it and you know you shouldn’t do this, that’s the exact reason why you did it anyway . you pull away looking up into his deep brown eyes, you needed this, comfort from someone that wasn’t hurting you. someone that wasn’t him. he kissed you again more aggressively this time. he pulls away this time only to catch his breath. he pecks your lips once , then twice. he smiles at you then walks to the bed and turns on the tv, you thought it was weird but you also didn’t want to talk about it, and definitely didn’t wanna do anything further. after watching tv with him at a uncomfortable distance you decide to address the elephant in the room.

“so, we not gon talk about that?” you turn off the tv before turning your head to look at him and he does the same “we don’t have to, you know i like you. but i don’t think you need that tonight, i think you just need me here.” he said and honestly, he was right. even though he had you all the way fucked up onna tuesday, you still loved him. you just nod at hobie and he kisses your cheek wrapping his arms around you so he’s spooning you, the way hobie is holding makes you think that he’s the only boy in the world. he falls asleep and you lie awake looking at the ceiling, you decide to go on instagram looking at people’s story until you see gwen’s story, it was a picture of her and miles in his car her feet up on the dashboard, the same car you were just in, the same car you had your first kiss in. that’s not even the half of it, the picture had a “besties” caption on it but you could tell from 20 miles away they were far from that. you take a picture of hobie asleep and post it, tagging him too copying the same caption as gwen had. after maybe 20 minutes miles replies to it “wtf? why are you letting hobie touch you like that? and i thought u had to watch your sister” “and i thought you and gwen were besties?” you reply back sending him the screenshots you send to your phone if gwen and miles text he starts blowing u up like crazy but you put your phone down and snuggle closer into hobie, maybe you could get even.

doing my own thing,

i’m down to come clean,

not like you.

lmk wat u think 😭.

[shefanispeculator]

Gwen Stefani Shares Rare Photos of Son Zuma for 15th Birthday Tribute: ‘We Love U’

In one of the photos, a much younger Zuma sweetly shows off a drawing that he made while posing for the camera with Blake Shelton.

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Gwen Stefani Shares Rare Photos of Son Zuma for 15th Birthday Tribute: ‘We Love U’

In one of the photos, a much younger Zuma sweetly shows off a drawing that he made while posing for the camera with Blake Shelton.

By Starr Bowenbank 

08/22/2023

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Gwen Stefani attends The 2022 Met Gala Celebrating "In America: An Anthology of Fashion" at The Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 02, 2022 in New York City.Dimitrios Kambouris/GI for The Met Museum/Vogue

Gwen Stefani‘s son Zuma is officially 15! To celebrate the momentous occasion, the “Hollaback Girl” singer took to Instagram on Monday to wish her middle child a happy birthday with a special video tribute that contained several unseen, precious photos from his youth.

“Happy 15th birthday Zuma !!! We love u more than anything,” Stefani captioned the video — set to Zach Bryan’s 2022 track “Something in the Orange” — which featured sweet snaps of Zuma in his earlier stages of life, from missing teeth as a platinum-haired young boy to outgrowing the hair color and growing taller than his rock-star mother in his teen years. In one of the photos in the video, Zuma sweetly shows off a drawing that he made of an animal while posing for the camera alongside Stefani’s husband, Blake Shelton.

[shellibisshe]

DR. GWENDOLYN “GWEN” MILA KHOURY. (X)

ms arielle lamoureaux belongs to @risingsh0t​ <33

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Funny, Crack and Humour Fics (Part 1)

I’ve been reading your johnlock fan fic recs for quite sometimes and it had been amazing!!

Can you suggest me some fics which are funny and smutty?or just fun to read?

(submitted by @eclecticcolordreamhairdo)

——

jonlokfe asked: Hi Steph, do you have a fan fiction Johnlock humor? O partys with scotland yard?

——–

Hi Lovelies!

Ahh, I’ve gotten a lot of requests lately for funny fics, and I’ve decided to finally just update it. I did a list a LONG time ago, but just never updated it since then. So I guess that’s what I’m doing this time around!

Because I have SO MANY FICS that all the links disappeared, I’m going to release this list in 2 Parts: First half is today, and next weekend I’ll post up the other half of the list <3

So enjoy this week’s list: the shorter fics :)

FUNNY, CRACK, and HUMOUR FICS (Part 1)

See also: Funny and Fluffy Stories

This Kiss by suitesamba (T, 731 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Drunkenness, Angst, Stag Night) – Stag Night - back at 221B - in a world where Mrs. Hudson doesn’t interrupt the guessing game with the client. Part 1 of The “This” Series

Reunited by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 753 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Reunion) – Everything is falling right back into place, but it’s just a little too quick for John. One-shot, drabble, non-slash.

Cigarettes and Shampoo by laura0506 (T, 783 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John goes to the shops to meet someone he wasn’t supposed to.

Concussions And Good Old Fashioned Awkwardness by Belldere (K+, 894 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Hospitals, Mild John Whump, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationship, Concussions, Not-Gay John, Possessive Sherlock) – When John lands himself in hospital… again, all he wants is to just get out of there as soon as possible, too bad his doctor has other ideas about where John may be getting his injuries. Good thing concussions make everything strangely funnier.

A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (G, 934 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance) – As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened.

Tidying Up by mattsloved1 (K+, 951 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John comes home to a thoroughly cleaned flat. Or so it seems.

Realisation by Susie.Donym (K+, 957 w., 1 Ch. || Sally POV, Pre-Slash / Friendship, Humour) – It takes her a while but Sally finally makes a huge realisation.

Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Texting, Humour, Fluff, POV John, Cranky John) – A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.

My Unfortunately Average Sized Cranium by Haelia (K+, 996 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Headache, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Drug Use, Doctor John) – In which Sherlock has a migraine. ALMOST Johnlock. Not quite.

Secrets by 796116311389 (G, 1,084 w., 1 Ch. || Drunk Sherlock, Drunk Confessions, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Pining Sherlock) – “He is the best person in the world and sometimes I get sad because I’m not. Not his best person.”

Mizzle by MrsNoggin (K, 1,233 w., 1 Ch || Friendship, Fluff, Platonic Johnlock, Humour, Slice of Life) – John can’t decide if it’s raining or not. Sherlock doesn’t understand.

Hallucinations can’t open doors by Bespectacled dreamer (K+, 1,330 w., 1 Ch. || Reunion, Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Hallucinations, John’s Wedding, Light Humour) – In which John gets married and Sherlock gets a broken nose.

God Save The Queen by Alice Day (K+, 1,398 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Mystery, Friendship) – Sherlock has a new case. John is petrified. The Queen is amused.

Out on da pull by I-O-U-a-picture (T, 1,375 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John going ‘out on da pull’ and getting so close to getting digits so many times but Sherlock just conveniently keeps turning up prattling on about eyeballs in the microwave…

Three Ways Sherlock Conformed to His Stereotype by Jennistar1 (K+, 1,445 w.,  1 Ch. || Humour, Cranky Sherlock) – “It’s a hat.” / Urge to roll eyes, quashed. “Yes. I can see that.” / “It’s called a deerstalker.”

You Should Have Let Me Sleep! by theraggedypond (T, 1,542 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Sleepy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Domestics) – After a three day case with no sleep and hardly any food, Sherlock is recovering from it by playing comatose. John finds out what happens when you wake up London’s favorite consulting detective.

Happy Birthday John by Starlight05 (K, 1,580 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, John’s Birthday, Shopping, 3rd Person POV John) – When an important date comes up, Sherlock finds himself doing something he never has before - shopping! But will he succeed and manage to get his best friend a present?

and yes I said yes I will Yes by Mithen (T, 1,662 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Est. Rel. Marriage Proposal) – Sherlock has deduced that John is going to propose to him, and he’s ready to accept. If only John would actually get around to it…

You Can Imagine The Christmas Dinners by johnsarmylady (T, 1,780 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Introspection, Fluff, Post-ASIP) – Set the morning after a Study in Pink, John sits and contemplates Mycroft’s words.

In Which John is a BAMFy MoFo, OMG! by Kantayra (T, 1,835 w., 1 Ch. || Humour) – John’s BAMFness and Sherlock’s damsel-in-distress act are caught forever on camera. So Scotland Yard can mock. A lot.

The Video Footage by bitchinblackframedglasses (K, 1,894 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Fluff, ASiB Missing Scene) – What exactly DID Lestrade film Sherlock doing in A Scandal in Belgravia? Sherlock wants to know, and John tells him.

The Adventure of the Mysterious Appearance of Tissues by Gwen’s Blue Box (K+, 1,910 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Sick John, Caring Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort) – In which there is a case, John has caught a cold and is not interested in investigating, Mrs Hudson is away and Sherlock does the shopping.

Baskerville After Dark by Ttime42 (T, 1,921 w., 1 Ch. || THoB, Friendship, Humor, Bed Sharing, Missing Scenes, Cranky John, Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have to share a bed at Baskerville. Gen, but can be preslash.

Text Me When It’s Over by immaculately-flawed  (K+, 1,937 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Post-TRF, Texting, Sort-Of Pining Sherlock) – After the fall Sherlock starts writing texts to John. Of course, he never sends them… Until he does by accident. Post Reichenbach fic but not angsty.

Cards by Caighlee (K+, 1,954 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Games) – Sherlock has been without a case for a few days and Molly’s suggested experiment - something with a pig head (ew) - is losing it’s appeal. Can John come up with something that’ll distract Sherlock for a bit longer? And how did John pull off that card trick? Sherlock’ll never know because a magician never tells a secret. Except maybe when faced with a smiling Consulting Detective.

The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.

They’re Taking My Wisdom by whitchry9 (K+, 1,939 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Drugging, Dentists, Friendship, Anxious Sherlock, Humour) – Sherlock goes to the dentist. Of course, being Sherlock, things have to be complicated. Oh and drugs. They’re always fun.

Foresight by niffler09 (K, 2,015 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Holmes Brother Bickering) – It’s raining and neither John nor Sherlock have an umbrella so they huddle under Sherlock’s coat. And then Mycroft walks past and makes smartass remarks.

Caught in the Act – by Mycroft by ShirleyCarlton (E, 2,040 w., 1 Ch. || Unintended Voyeurism, Mycroft’s POV, Blow Job, Humour) – Mycroft had only planted the camera for Sherlock’s own good, simply to keep an eye on his little brother and make sure he was alright. He hadn’t quite meant to see his brother this content, however… Part 4 of Caught In The Act

Never Have I Ever by Hannelore-Grace (T, 2,073 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Drinking Games) – In which the Yarders, Sherlock, and John play the time-honored drinking game.

Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt by satanatemycat (T, 2,107 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Texting, Bored/Cranky Sherlock) – In which John makes a bet with a co-worker. If he wins, she shuts up about him and Sherlock being a couple. If he loses… well, that doesn’t matter, because he won’t lose. Because he and Sherlock ARE NOT a couple. Right?

The Imminent Danger of a Tumblr-Night by Loveismyrevolution (T, 2,135 w., 1 Ch. || Tumblr Fics, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock is Out of His Depth, Humour, Fluff, Pining Sherlock, Military Kink, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock gets into trouble when he pretends to know all about John’s favourite social media site - tumblr. To save face he seeks help from one of the bloggers and gains more answers than he had aimed for.

At Least Make It Interesting by amythedork (K, 2,140 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Angst) – “You’ve reached Sherlock Holmes. For the love of God, if you’re going to leave a message, at least make it an interesting one. If this is Mycroft, then piss off.” / A series of voicemails John left Sherlock throughout their time together.

The Case of the Missing Blogger by nicknack22 (K, 2,147 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Friendship, Worried / Anxious Sherlock) – Alternately titled, The Case of the Oblivious Consulting Detective. In which Sherlock comes out of his mind palace to discover John missing. 221B does not fair well as a result.

Spilt Milk by Erin Giles (K+, 2,222 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John comes back from a trip to the supermarket only to take a trip up the stairs. Both shopping and blood are spilled leaving Sherlock to play the role of Doctor.

A Study in Lace by KarlyAnne (E, 2,320 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Crafty Sherlock, Tiny Lace Panties / Lingerie, Domestics, Experiments, Oral, Masturbation) – “Why do you suppose he was doing that?” “Why do I suppose who was doing what?” “The room. The lace. The secrecy. He was playing with fire in everything he did, and didn’t care one bit. But he had a secret chamber, carefully concealed, solely for the purpose of making lace lingerie. Obviously for personal use. Why?“ Part 1 of The Unintentional Crafts of Sherlock Holmes

Reunions, Rowdiness and Phone Calls by Jennistar1 (T, 2,348 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Drunk John, Low-Key Pining Sherlock) – John goes on a school reunion and gets drunk. Sherlock solves some crimes and gets some interesting phone calls.

Work On Your Balance by speculate (K+, 2,448 w., 1 Ch. || Embarrassed Sherlock, “For A Case”, Skating, Fluff, Friendship, Humour) – In which John is actually pretty good at ice skating, Sherlock’s not and insists it’s all for a case , and Lestrade is pretty amused by it all.

Wintery Hell by Belldere (K+, 2,457 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship & Humour, Christmas) – With Sherlock being roped into spending Christmas with his family, John had his own Christmas all planned out with his other friends and family… That is until he’s extended a forceful invitation from Mycroft and an assumption from Sherlock who, once again, failed to notice John wasn’t in the room when he 'asked’.

Manipulation by sixbynine (K+, 2,566 w., 1 Ch. || Experimenting John, Reverse Psychology) – John Watson is not as unobservant as Sherlock thinks, nor is he above using what he knows. Even if it is just to make sure Sherlock eats and sleeps.

Not Rocket Science by Nitrospira (T, 2,571 w., 1 Ch. || Drama, Humour) – Sherlock and John Watson are handcuffed to a bed while investigating a double homicide on the International Space Station. But Sherlock isn’t sure which is more tedious: a killer on the loose or John’s endless complaints.

Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock (K+, 2,617 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Bed Sharing, Oblivious Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Grumpy John, Fluff and Cuddles) – Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John’s bedroom is now a research library. It’s not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They’re friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it’s not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It’ll be fine.

Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It’s because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.

John’s Drawers by JezebelGoldstone (T, 2,646 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, First Kiss, Romance, Humour) – Sherlock snoops through John’s drawers and finds something… unexpected.

BBCSH 'The Comfort of Company’ by tigersilver (T, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/Mary, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Bed Sharing, Grumpy John, Touching, Clingy/Handsy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Fluff and Light Angst) – It’s a trope that John and Sherlock end up sharing in the same bed eventually and I admit I do adore it unconditionally, along with all it infers as to the lowering of defenses and the heightening of trust. I put forth for your consideration that the notion persists because those who think about these things realize these two men are each in dire need of some good company.

Bored Games by patster223 (K+, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Cluedo / Board Games, Friendship, Humour) – Sherlock is bored and John decides that they should play Cluedo. In retrospect, it was a truly awful decision.

Your love it feels so good by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 2,843 w., 1 Ch. || Gay Club / Gay Bar, Lingerie, Stripping, Anal, Crossdressing, Strip Tease, First Time) – Sherlock is last at a quiz night and is forced by Anderson to perform in a gay stripclub. John must be with him, because he will have to record the performance. Sherlock takes the task very seriously. Part 20 of The English job

Tipsy by katkin (T, 2,781 w., 2 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Drunk Sherlock) – "I love everyone in this room,” he announced proudly.“I know you do, buddy,” John replied “Which is why you’re going to clean this carpet in the morning. Because you’re a good friend.” “I am a good friend!” Sherlock agreed.

All in a Day by chappysmom (K+, 2,920 w., 1 Ch. || Kidnapping, Sherlock POV,  Humour, Light Angst, BAMF John) – Oddly enough, it seemed like this time, Sherlock had been kidnapped for no other reason than to pressure John. In other words, this had nothing to do with him. Really, this on top of the blow to the head was enough to make him dizzy.

33 by Indigo Blue.x (K+, 2,936 w., 1 Ch. || Humour) – “I haven’t made a zombie,” Sherlock says scathingly, which would be more convincing if there were not a zombie in the flat.

Right Foot Red by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,089 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss/Time, Board Games, Frottage, Masturbation, PWP, Friends to Lovers, Come as Lube, Come Marking) – …ok, it’s juvenile, but at least it’s a game where touching is allowed. And if something more were to happen, well, John can’t say he’d be too upset about that. “What are the rules of this game?” Sherlock asks, the disdain evident on the word ‘game’. “I spin, you do as I say.” John thinks he sees a slight widening of those pale grey eyes at that, just for a fraction of a second, before it is shut down. Oh, this is interesting, he thinks.

The Sweetest Taste In The World by crossroads (G, 3,121 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Jealous Sherlock, Fluff, Pining, Friends to Lovers) – The sweetest taste in the world is rarely ever the easiest to come by.

How to Court Your Blogger by PipMer (K+, 3,124 w., 1 Ch.  || Romance, Humour, Fluff) – Sherlock Holmes sets out to court his flatmate. Things might progress more rapidly if he would inform said flatmate of his intentions.

Entanglement by orphan_account (G, 3,218 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Confessions, Physics, Texting, Christmas, Mind Palace, Sick Fic, Fluff, Humour, Holidays) - On Christmas Eve, snow covers London, John visits Harry, and Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson untangle some knots.

Bathroom Accessories by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 3,324 w., 1 Ch. || Sex Toys, Butt Plug, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Horny Sherlock, John’s Patience Wears Thin, Humour, Bottomlock) – John discovers that Sherlock has been playing with some very adult toys in the bath.

Apodyopsis by QuinnAnderson (E, 3,347 w.,1 Ch. || PWP, Rough Sex, Table Sex, Anal, Sexual Tension) – Apodyopsis: (æpəʊdaɪˈɒpsɪs) noun. the act of mentally undressing someone. Part 2 of Undressed

Twas The Night by xox-hattii-xox (K+, 3,356 w., 1 Ch. || Humour & Friendship, Christmas, Domestics, Fluff) – Twas the night before Christmas…and Sherlock has had just about enough of the whole thing! 'Really, John, a Santa Hat’ Christmas in 221b, and Sherlock just wants it over with.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics by entanglednow (T, 3,614 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Sharing Body Heat) – In which there’s no heating and there’s a dead owl in Sherlock’s bed. Part 1 of Thermodynamics

Doesn’t Follow Me Everywhere by Janec Shannon (T, 3,784 w., 1 Ch. || Humour and Friendship) – “He doesn’t follow me everywhere, you know.” Silly John, of course he does what with your penchant for getting kidnapped.

Paranoia by Ewebie (M, 3,789 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Drinking Games, Scotland Yard Gang, Jealous / Possessive Sherlock, Inappropriate Questions, Embarrassed John, Matchmakers) – John and Sherlock join the gang of Scotland Yard for a night of drinking, and it gets a bit personal and revealing.

Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E,  3,834 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Public Sex, Coming in Pants, Humour, Halloween, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple’s costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn’t agree and exacts sweet revenge.

Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice (E, 3,897 w.,1 Ch. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Anal/Oral, Seduction, John in Charge, Pining Sherlock, John’s Penis, Bottomlock) – Sherlock is putting together an elaborate plan of seducing John. John grows tired of waiting and takes matters into his own hands.

Jukebox by standbygo (T, 3,990 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Singing/Music, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Humour, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss) – After the music halls of Sherlock’s mind palace get damaged by accident, John learns that Sherlock never forgets a song. Even the ones he’d rather forget. But the random singalong brings some unexpected benefits.

Tree Topper by May_Shepard (E, 4,017 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Tree, Christmas Fluff, Drunken Shenanigans, Smut, First Time, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John are celebrating Christmas the best way they know how–alone together, with booze. They’ve almost finished decorating their tree, but John is determined to find the best way to top it.

The Oolong Disaster by unicornpoe (T, 4,151 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Beard, Fluff, Humour, Frustrated Sherlock, John Takes Care of Sherlock, Case Fic-ish, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Possessive Sherlock) – John has a beard. Sherlock has a panic attack.

Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Piercing by Lorelei_Lee (E, 4,130 w., 1 Ch. || Travelling, Sherlock is Loud, Secrets, Genital Piercing, First Time, Licking, Coming Nearly Untouched) – John discovers by chance that Sherlock has a piercing. To his surprise John can’t stop thinking about it…

Date Night by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 4,451 w., 1 Ch. || Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Caring John, Schmoopy Fluff, Fidget Cube, Baking / Cooking, Date Night, Established Relationship, POV Sherlock Holmes, Understanding John, Grumpy Sherlock, John’s Bum, Kisses, Hugs, Domestic Fluff, Touching, Hair Petting, Light Humour) – It’s John and Sherlock’s first Date Night as an official couple and Sherlock needs it to be PERFECT. Mrs Hudson helps. Part 7 of I-J’s Tumblr Ficlet Collection

The Care and Keeping of Your Mad Genius by Janieshi (T, 4,553 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG, Friendship, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Light Humour/Teasing, Alternating POV, Cranky Sherlock) – If he hadn’t been so focused on holding the bastard still, John would have laughed aloud. This maniac really thought John was the pet in this dynamic?

Because Blah Blah Blah Happy by cwb (E, 4,578 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Cuddles, Kissing, First Kiss, Requited Love, Pining Sherlock) – John is entirely done with the milk situation and gives Sherlock a list of shit he’s pissed about. Sherlock sets out to make John happy. John is happy. Sherlock makes his own list. They are both very, very happy.

Carry On by Mazarin221b (M, 4,647 w., 1 Ch. || 5 and Ones, H/C, Afghanistan, Frottage, Hand Jobs, First Time, Drunk John, Hospitals, Humour, Soft Sex) – Five times John didn’t want to be carried, and one time he did.

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 5,034 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing… rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same…

[nxmuzluv]

ariana birthday hcs !! —

it’s september 1st in south korea & japan rn,,,, so you know what that means

26th birthday hcs 👁👁

(this post is long as hell so brace urselves lmao)

on the morning of her birthday, ariana is woken up by either twitter and message notifications or her husband

her fans are blowing up her mentions with birthday wishes and her family & friends are doing the same, so bet that she has about a million notifs

since byakuya gets ready for work before ariana, he usually comes back to wake her up (even if she’s already up lol)

he hands her coffee (a caramel macchiato with a shit ton of cream and three sugars), tells her “good morning” and “happy birthday, love,” and kisses her on the forehead

(SOBBINFGMNBKJHBMK)

they usually have a short lil conversation about whatever (what they’re going to do that day, ariana’s birthday, other random topics) before byakuya tells ariana to go to work lol

but before she does, she usually opens twitter and scrolls down her birthday hashtags (which are already trending with about 100,000 or so tweets lmao), and responds to her text messages

three hashtags i came up with are “#AutumnFairyAri,” “#26WishesForAriana,” and “#아름이하트27개” (#27HeartsForAhreum) 🥺

(the last one is because ariana is 27 in korea lol)

guaranteed that she’s smiling like an idiot at those tweets lol

if her fans are lucky, ariana might like their post. if they’re extra lucky, she might even respond-

(cue the combustion of her fanbase)

then she posts a lil morning selfie, thanks her fans for all the birthday wishes, complains about how she has to go to work on her birthday, and then she finally gets ready for work lol

as ariana does, her fanbase is literally in flames lmao they’re screaming at her new selfie (“LOOK AT HER HAIR OMG MNJSHFJFMNGJ” - one of ariana’s fans, most likely), flooding her comment section, and taking over the trending page

ari and byakuya usually leave together, and ariana gets dropped off first, so when she does, they usually say goodbye to each other & byakuya gives her another kiss on the head

ofc they say “i love you” to each other, and if anyone around them has sumn to say about it, then byakuya can just make their jobs disappear !! 😗✌🏽

once ariana gets to work, she’s immediately greeted by another round of birthday wishes and the occasional gift (because oh my GOD she gets so many from her staff)

the best gift comes from her manager of 22 years, yoo miyeon. that woman is literally like ariana’s second mother it’s so cute-

miyeon usually says something along the lines of “remember when you were shorter than me ???” (it is now the other way around lmao)

near the end of her day, ariana sits in her company’s conference room, goes live on vlive, and opens the shit ton of gifts, cards, letters, and bouquets that were sent to her by her fans (and god damn doesn’t she get a lot-)

(ariana loves the bouquets,,, she literally squeals every time she sees that she got another one :(( she’ll be making flower arrangements with all of them later on lol and she’ll probably go live again 👁👁)

her birthday lives are one of the things ariana loves the most. she gets to speak to her fans, speak to her staff all casually, and her fans get to see her again. it’s a win-win :))

(bet, byakuya is watching that live when he has the time and has sent a message to ariana. when she spots his message, knows it’s him, and gets incredibly happy is one of the best moments of the live)

she also speaks to her family (they’re all in korea and america while she’s in japan 😕) during the live !! near the end, ari blows out the candles of the cakes that were bought for her by her staff and her family, and she answers questions from her fans

(lol remember back in 2011 when ari’s fans thought she was gonna finish high school & come back to korea, but instead she met this tall blond mf, fell in love with him, moved in with him, and then ended up marrying him 10 years later so now she’s really not coming back ??? lmao good times 🤣🤣🤣)

it’s a v nice moment & if you miss it, that’s such a loss lol ariana rarely goes live since she’s always so busy

after well over 12 hours, ari’s work day is finally over. on those types of days, she gets home before byakuya at around 7 or 8pm

after work, both of them go to dinner !! :))

while byakuya is coming home, ariana just gets ready. there’s a dress from byakuya that was hung by his staff in ariana’s closet (it’s black and designer, ofc 🙄✋🏽), and all ari has to do is shower, do her hair and makeup, pick out her shoes, and pick out a bag from the literal hundreds that she has

say it with me, y’all !! bag hag

ariana goes live on instagram while she does that as some kind of “get ready with with me” thing. she gets to talk to her fans again (especially her stan twitter ones lol), ask how she should style her hair & do her makeup, and ask what accessories she should choose

she also plays music in the background (especially britney spears, christina aguilera, the pussycat dolls, rihanna, nelly furtado, gwen stefani, lee hyori, or hyuna because they make her feel hotter than she already is lmao) !!

and ari sings to whatever’s playing and she gets haruka-

(am i allowed to put her here ??? i’ll just put here here lol 🤪)

-to say hi & help with her hair and makeup, so ariana’s lives are just a gold mine worth of content lmao

byakuya comes home just a lil while before ariana’s finished, and ofc, she forces asks him to say hi to her fans

lmao all that man does is silently wave with the world’s straightest face, and the chat is just yelling about how fine he is (“GO OFF RICH BOY” - one off ariana’s fans, probably). like HE’S NOT DOING ANYTHINGFGDHMBK

but as they should 😩☝🏽

ariana asks her fans if she should leave or stay on the live for a while longer, and ofc, they usually say that she should stay,,,, but that woman rarely listens tbh ASMNKHJFMNJK

she might stay for like,,, 5 minutes, but usually, she just leaves lmao

a lil while before she and byakuya leave, they talk to each other and to haruka for a while, and haruka probably most definitely takes polaroid pictures of ari and byakuya before they leave lol

(ariana def posts those on twitter later and all byakuya does is retweet them)

(but ofc he’ll tweet out a post wishing his wife a happy birthday,,, okay byakuya, look at you making progress !!)

the restaurant ariana and byakuya go to is of course very fancy and luxurious (it probably serves french cuisine too lmao). ari insists that they get a table on the rooftop, and since it’s her birthday (and since he loves her sm), byakuya complies :))

they talk the entire night, and if she can, ariana reaches over to hold byakuya’s hand most of the time :((

(taking a bit from rae’s hcs on how byakuya would celebrate his s/o’s birthday,,,,, like i’ve kinda been doing the whole time 🚶🏽‍♀️)

after dinner, the two of them will take a walk through tokyo. ariana would love it (well, not really, because she’s wearing literal heels lmao), especially since she and byakuya rarely get to do things like that. she’ll be taking pictures of things she finds interesting and would 100% ask byakuya to take pictures of her (and vice versa)

(she’s posting those on twitter too,,, ariana nation is getting fed well lol)

and then they can finally go back home and stay home, and ariana can finally open the rest of her gifts !!

they’re gifts from her family, her close friends, and of course, from byakuya and haruka !! ari’s literally smiling the whole time as she opens her presents (especially the ones from her family,,, hayley’s homemade birthday cards are always so cute 🥺), and haruka has that polaroid camera out again

(ariana: does anything)

(haru: you’re doing great sweetie !! 😀📸)

idk exactly what ariana would want for her birthday (tmw you don’t even know the preferences of your own character 🧍🏽‍♀️), but most likely, it’s either something homemade or a designer item lmao (mainly another purse-)

fun fact: her aunt josephine spoils the shit out of her lol like ariana could see a bunch of bags from chanel, louis vuitton, and yves saint laurent and automatically think “yeah, that’s my aunt lol”

ariana facetimes her family again, as well !! they get to speak to byakuya and haruka, they sing “happy birthday” to her in korean, they ask her if she liked their gifts, and it’s just a very cute family moment :))

it’s like,,, 11pm by the time ari finishes opening her presents, so she really has to go to bed

before that though, she spams her followers with the pictures that were taken, and posts one last “thank you” tweet before her birthday inevitably ends 😕

(well not really since it’s gonna be september 1st in other parts of the world lmao)

“everyone! thank u sooo much for all the birthday wishes u gave me today! it wouldn’t have been such a great one without y’all, my family, my best friends, my husband (@ByakuyaTogami), and my no. 1 fan, my sister-in-law lmao (@harukaonice). i love each and every single one of y’all with my entire heart, and i’m so glad u love me just as much 🥺 i saw as many of ur posts as i could, and i just wanna thank y’all for reaching over a million tweets! can’t believe y’all think that i’m that important lol (i mean, ofc i am 🙄✋🏻) anyways, once again, thank y’all smmmm! love y’all lots!! <3 ari <3” - ariana’s tweet 🥺 (that she posts in four different languages lol; english, korean, japanese, and french !!)

(SHE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART IM LITERALLY CRINGHMNHJDJGKM)

then ariana and byakuya finally go to sleep (it’s like 1am now jesus christ-), and ariana’s twitter notifications are still blowing tf up lmao

n e ways, that ends this behemoth of a post !! happy birthday to my baby, ariana park and even though she doesn’t exist (😕), i hope she enjoys it to the fullest !!

bonus !!

if she has a public appearance scheduled before or on her birthday, if fans are allowed to attend, they sing “happy birthday” to her whenever they see her !!

like, she could be entering a building and they would sing it, and then she could exit a few hours later & they’ll sing it again lol

ariana’s just like, “babes, you already sang this to me earlier !!”

when it comes to her “more important” birthdays (although her birthdays are always important)—such as her 18th, 20th, or 21st birthdays—ariana will throw quite a big party. like there would be a bunch of celebrities and popular society figures on the list,,, it would be a whole spectacle that the average person could only dream of getting into lmao (like me, ofc 🚶🏽‍♀️)

when ari was a child, her parents would throw a birthday party for her nearly every year lol,,, and while they were living in korea together, they would have dinner with nearly their entire family, too

(she always got two cakes, too,,, like it’s just kinda tradition for the park family at this point lol)

since ariana and jungkook (from bts) share the same birthday, either one of them message each other to wish each other a happy birthday !! ari also sends him a gift, while jungkook posts said gift on twitter and probably fanboys,,, i have a feeling that he would be a fan of her and her dramas,,, as well as the rest of bts

(they have each other’s numbers because ariana is a korean celebrity and they’ve attended events together on multiple occasions,,, ofc she and bts know each other lmao)

and i forgot to mention, but haruka would totally watch ariana’s birthday vlive if she didn’t have practice or something,,, probably sending as many messages as she can & aggressively hearting the live lmao,,, that girl really is ariana’s biggest fan SKJMNNFJMK

i also forgot to mention that JH entertainment (ariana’s agency) releases photos from a birthday photo shoot that they did with her !! they have different themes every year and they’re always so cute :((

they’re also taken prior to ariana’s actually birthday, especially since she’s always in japan now lol (but like,,, how do people not notice her going back and forth between korea & japan sometimes-)

(also, big verified accounts and celebrities on twitter & instagram wishing ariana a happy birthday >>>>>)

(celebrity tingz 🤪)

n e ways, now i’m done !! happy birthday, ari ilysm <3

(the character of haruka togami belongs to @raes-ramblings, btw !!)

[aka-a-shii]

pls oemgi i should have checked my notifs here sooner :(( sorry i missed the chance to greet u!!! belated happy birthday and i'm sorry for your loss :( stay strong and take care of yourself ily!!!

thank you gwen! ingat din lagi~ love you 😍💕

[toraks]

wait Gwen sorry I missed it but happy birthday love ❤️ thank you for the constant wonder you bring to my life I hope you had a x great day

thank u deah!!! thank u for being such a joy, I'm so glad the Internet brought us together from across the globe many many years ago ❤️❤️

[ourpickwickclub]

ND account skips Gwen's bday wait a few days start posting about the good old times and wives with the usual we miss u guys and then there's Gwen busy as ever. Europe, talk shows, the voice, cover girl, residency, international festivals. Guess it's hard to miss the pass when you're still that Queen in 2020. So happy she gets Both the love from fans and at home and gets honored.

I can’t say I’m too happy with the No Doubt guys or account right now. I don’t know who runs their social media, but it would have taken them all of ten seconds to post a happy birthday message to Gwen on her milestone birthday. Whatever. She’s clearly happy and has wonderful things happening for her.

— M

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[onecountrycom-blog]

Gwen Stefani Got Blake Shelton an American Flag For His 42nd Birthday and He Loved It

What do you get the guy that has everything? Well, if you're Gwen Stefani and you're dating Blake Shelton, you get him an American Flag on a brand new flag pole for. That's exactly what the pop star did for Blake's 42nd birthday.  When your significant other can buy anything he wants, you have to be creative. Gwen really reached out of the box for this special gift and by the looks of the photo, Blake loved it. After celebrating Blake's birthday and Father's day with Gwen's dad and family over the weekend, they couple headed back to Oklahoma where Gwen was able so present her gift. The California native took to social media to share the free waving flag. "Birthday 🎁  love u @blakeshelton gx," she wrote on the photo of her and Blake in front of the flag and pole. If that's not a patriotic couple, we don't know what is. God Bless America. But that's not all. Gwen wasn't done wishing her beau a happy birthday. In case you missed it, she shared a video created by another Instagram user, @Thisiswhatashfeelslike, which shows Blake from a baby til today, set to One Republic's "Good Life."  Both the fan site and Gwen wished Blake a happy birthday. "Everyone Celebrating this guy today #happybirthday @blakeshelton gx." We'll join that sentiment and wish Blake a wonderful 42nd birthday, but we have a feeling he's already enjoying the "Good Life."   Read the full article

[shefanispeculator]

It’s Blake Shelton’s birthday, and you best believe that Gwen Stefani had a gushy Instagram post prepared. Blake even gets a kiss at the end of the slideshow…but it didn’t come from Gwen’s lips!

Blake Shelton had no shortage of birthday love as he rang in his 43rd year. His girlfriend of nearly four years, Gwen Stefani, 49, took to Instagram to post a slideshow filled with handsome photos of Blake (including two throwbacks), silly romantic memories, and even a video of a seal planting a kiss on the birthday boy’s cheek on June 18. “Happy b day to my favorite human!!! Can’t believe your mine ❤️🤷‍♀️,” Gwen captioned the birthday roundup, and threw in hashtags like #gemini (Blake’s astrological sign) and #greatestguyiknow. The “Hollaback Girl” singer even revealed where she and Blake celebrated the special day!

“Thank u shedd aquarium Chicago for an amazing unexpected b day tour!!!” Gwen added in her caption, referring to Chiago’s Shedd Aquarium (the seal sure looked happy to meet Blake). But the pop star wasn’t the only one to give Blake a birthday shout-out, as patients from the Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals put together a sweet video for the country singer. “Happy birthday and thank you for supporting kids like me,” one of the video’s adorable stars said, in honor of Blake’s philanthropic heart. He reposted the video to his Instagram, writing, “Thank you @cmnhospitals for the best birthday video ever.”

Through the Children’s Hospital Foundation, the “God’s Country” singer donated $600,000 to the Jimmy Everest Cancer Center in 2016, and even launched the Blake Shelton Cancer Research Program at the Children’s Hospital in Oklahoma University in Dec. 2018. The cause is close to Blake’s heart, as his three-year-old cousin, Aspen Van Horn, had to be treated for a neuroblastoma tumor at just the age of five.

As you can see in the photos above, Blake and Gwen’s bond is tighter than ever — and they’re about to be even closer. Gwen is returning back to where the magic all began: the coach’s seat on The Voice, right next to Blake! After last serving as a judge and coach in Season 12, Gwen will be replacing Adam Levine for Season 17. Still, it’s a bittersweet trade-off for Blake, who has starred on every season of the singing competition show alongside Adam.

“Blake is friends with Adam and that will not change. He’ll miss the banter with Adam, but Blake is going to love working with Gwen again,” a source close to Blake EXCLUSIVELY told HollywoodLife. “Blake is looking forward to being tested by Gwen, because that’s going to add a real fun element to the show.”

[mintynim]

Hello sweetie don’t worry we’re all whiny complainy babies it’s cute in an tantrum kind of way it’s ok 😂 I don’t even think most ppl realize adults throw tantrums too some are just the nasty manipulative kind and others are just kinda upfront and cute likes urs so don’t worry 😂 is the storm over now?? How are u doing up there in Quebec?? We had an earthquake here in the bay the other night and it’s been raining non stop but that’s generally about it in California 😂 I miss thunderstorms - 🌸

cherry blossom said:

I’m actually so embarrassed I outed myself but it’s k I’m glad u didn’t reveal my secret identity I feel like Spider-man trusting someone with my real identity only barely hidden by a mask it’s kind of ridiculous??? Like what dat mask gonna do its skin tight just take a profile pic. The only thing saving my ass is this big city of anon flooding inboxes that’s my metropolitan state - 🌸

Honestly I’ve been like giving kudos and commenting left and right in some kinda angry competitive justice whenever I see a good fic having less than 20 comments like ????? That’s some good as fic right there what the fuck are y’all doing????? Just give some good exclamation marks and tell me what u love iM AnGrY iTs sO EaSY tO HELP PEOPLE WHY ARENT YALL DOING YOUR ALL - 🌸

Oh right it’s my birthday today how are you doing now btw, I hope they left u get some less time since u pretty much overtimed so much the past few days :/ I came back to rec some good fics, do u know snowflakes by pornographicpenguins it’s minion and it’s incomplete but Jenna updates pretty well, teahouse special by baekhyun is a yoonkook one and it’s not exactly royalty but it’s is pretty good, red sky in the morning by ginforink is a vmon and yoonkook pirate si but the writer is so good - 🌸 

Literally anything by Ginforink is so good, the obvious classic taegi fic Just Skins and that one genderbend fic of taegi that’s incomplete... I’m not sure if it’s by the same author but fuck it’s so good - 🌸

I fOUNd iT itS baby girl I can’t breathe by hoars and every other hoars fic is so good as well!! So much taegi I’m suffering!!!! I want to believe by hoars is one of my absolute favs cause it’s so cute and geeky and nerdy and gives me mushy feels - 🌸

omg no need to be embarrassed! i don’t bite whatsoever, i’m just an lil bean, i’m everyone’s minty fresh mom don’t be embarrassed!!! does that make me mary jane? cause fck gwen, sorry i said it, i’m an old woman sue me. trust me sis there isn’t no city of anon flooding up in here lmao, maybe somewhere else ;))

i’ve been meaning to read more fics because all the ones i’ve given kudos, commented and subscribed to take a g e s to get updated but yes, i think it’s good you’re standing up for the lil guy it’s real sweet! everyone started somewhere so hopefully these good authors will get the recognition they deserve some day!!! 

hOLY SHIT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERRY BLOSSOM BUBBA, I HOPE YOUR DAY WENT AMAZING AND YOU GOT ALL THE NICE PRESENTS YOU WANTED AND JUST HAD FUN WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY♥ i don’t know any of the fics you mentioned but i’ll search them up and add them to my read later list tbh bc i’ve been desperately looking for some new fics (yes i’m ignoring that part where you’re encouraging me whining, i can’t be whining anymore hsaghds). 

THANK YOU FOR THE RECOMMENDATIONS AND THE MESSAGES BBY!

[psychotiic-liiza-hanson]

60 Random Questions for January 13th, 14th & 15th!

 Context: I missed two days in a row because I am a forgetful human being so now, as a result, I am going to answer 60 RANDOM QUESTIONS!!1

LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!!!

1. Name the first song that comes to mind that starts with the letter H.

Answer: Happily by One Direction

2. Name the first song that comes to mind that is instrumental and starts with a vowel.

Answer: Ascendance by Lindsey Stirling

3. Name a song that you that starts with the letter Q.

Answer: Quitter by Carrie Underwood.

4. Top 3 favorite Carrie Underwood songs?

   1. Cowboy Casanova - Play On

   2. Two Black Cadillacs - Blown Away

   3. Relapse - Storyteller

5. Top 3 favorite Christina Aguilera songs?

   1. Fighter - Stripped

   2. Let There Be Love - Lotus

   3. Stronger Than Ever - Bionic

6. Top 3 favorite Britney Spears songs?

    1. If U Seek Amy

   2. Radar

   3. Womanizer

7. Top 3 favorite Instrumental Artists?

    1. F-777  https://jessevalentinemusic.bandcamp.com/

   2. DVJI  https://www.youtube.com/user/DJVITechno

   3. TheFatRat   3. TheFatRat https://www.youtube.com/user/ThisIsTheFatRat

8. Top 3 favorite songs from your childhood?

   1. Lay All Your Love On Me - ABBA

   2. Ain’t No Other Man - Christina Aguilera

   3. Fly - Hilary Duff

9. Top 3 favorite One Direction songs?

     1. They Don’t Know About Us - Take Me Home

   2. Little White Lies - Midnight Memories

   3.  Up All Night - Up All Night

10.  Top 3 favorite Falling In Reverse songs?

     1. The Drug In Me Is You - The Drug In Me Is You

   2. I’m Not a Vampire - 

   3. Raised By Wolves - 

11. Top 3 favorite All Time Low songs?

   1. Old Scars/Future Hearts - 

   2. A Love Like War - Don’t Panic

   3. Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me - Dirty Work

12. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter A?

Answer: Absolutely Final Goodbye - Christina Grimmie

13. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter E?

Answer: Everything You Are - Ed Sheeran

14. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter I ?

Answer: I don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

15. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter O?

Answer: Obsessed - Gwen Stefani

16. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter W?

Answer: Walk Away - Christina Aguilera

19. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter Y?

Answer: You Lost Me - Christina Aguilera

20. Name the song that makes you cry every time?

Answer: Hurt - Christina Aguilera

21. When’s the last time you were very excited?

Answer: last night at around 11:40 pm when i heard that the other friend was going to join the skype call

22. When the last time that you felt scared?

Answer: This evening when I witnessed my niece’s father verbally abuse her when she wanted to show her makeup.

23. When’s the last time that you felt embarrassed?

Answer: I-I don’t know actually. That’s a first.

24. When’ s the last time you were really happy?

Answer: When I called @sweetapple01​ for the first time on Skype.

25. When the last time you were nervous as balls?

Answer: When @floofiemark​ called me on Skype for the first time.  I shouldn’t have been though. She’s like a different version of me that lives too far away from me.

26.What did you want to be when you were a kid?

Answer: A teacher. It’s always been something I wanted to be.

27. How tall were you when you were ten?

Answer: 4′0″ tall. I was very small for that age.

28. Are you an extrovert or introvert?

Answer: A literal mix of both. I can be both at anytime. Even though, I gotta be honest, I lean more on the introvert side.

29.  Favorite social media?

Answer: Tuuuuuumblrrrr!

30. When is your birthday?

Answer: It was yesterday! I turned 19!

31. How does one know how to adult?

Answer: I don’t know. I literally do not know.

32. What makes you weird?

Answer: Talk to me on skype for more than an hour and you’ll see what makes me fucking weird.

33. Name an annoying thing about yourself.

Answer: I talk waaaaaaaaay too much.

34. Name an amazing thing about yourself.

Answer: My singing! It’s awesome y’all!

35.  Who is your Celebrity crush?

Answer: Fucking Leigh Daniel Avidan cause jeeeeeesus christ that man is fucking everything.

36. What are your favorite make up brands?

Answer: NYX & Too Faced cause they’re awesome as shit.

37. Talk about your first kiss.

It's not my first kiss, but it's my first kiss with a guy I truly loved. It was on thursday, june 26th 2014 and it was with him. It was the first time that me and him were alone in his house. When his mother told me that he was waiting in the basement, I went down there. And I just ran to him, who was just coming out of the bathroom and I hugged him. Once I pulled away, he lift my head up so he could look at me right in the eyes. He kissed me. It was sweet, passionate. It was perfect.

38. Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Answer: Where I grew up, there was no middle school. In the province of Quebec, high school starts at grade 7 and finishes at grade 11.

39. Talk about things you do when you're sick.

Answer: Basically, I lay in bed, I eat a fuck ton of soup and I watch youtube videos till I fall asleep.

40. Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of? 

Answer: Bubblegum Bitch by Marina & the Diamonds reminds me of Rubberbang for some fucking reason...

41.  What are your favorite male/female ships?

Answer: Arin Hanson/ Suzy Berhow . Best married couple: hands down.

42. What’s your favorite quote of 2016?

Answer: “I can be happy cause I be not dead”-Crankgameplays

43. Name 5 youtube series that made you helplessly happy.

   1. Mega Man X - Game Grumps (just the Arins)

   2. Uncharted 4 - Jacksepticeye

   3. The Walking Dead: New Frontier - Pewdiepie

   4. Astronner - Jacksepticeye & Pixlpit

   5. Raft - Crangameplays

44. Name 5 Game Grumps videos that won’t fail at making you laugh:

   1. Super Mario Galaxy PART 77: Thinky Pinky https://youtu.be/wtaCjauhDQU

   2. Kirby and The Rainbow Curse PART 19: Dropping Deuces https://youtu.be/bhnIFWeg3Pc

   3. Zelda Ocarina of Time PART 72: Movin' to the Stratosphere https://youtu.be/8WhwU_Zbt6M

   4. Bloodborne PART 9: Delicious Human! https://youtu.be/7kA6_vbbrUI

   5. Super Mario Maker PART 50: On Fire! https://youtu.be/qcO2G6ALo_c

45. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Answer: Age 7, I think. Before i moved to France, anyway.

46. What was the name of your first pet?

Answer: Ti-Loup, which means “ Small Wolf”

47. Have you ever consumed drugs?

Answer: I was a speed addict from ages 12 - 16. It’s been 3 years that I’ve stopped.

48. What color do you associate yourself with?

Answer: Red but it expressed anger and passion which are the twom ain feelings that consume me.

49. Do you still sleep with stuffed animals?

Answer: I stopped sleeping with them when my mother died, which going to be 5 years ago in May 2017.

50. Sweet or bitter?

Answer: For taste, I’ll say sweet.

51. Sweet or Salty?

Answer: SALTY ALL THE WAY DUDE! 

52. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Answer: Justin Bieber, sadly.

53. Do you prefer tea over coffee?

Answer: Yes, yes I do.

54. Did you ever have an imaginary friend?

Answer: Oh my...I don’t think that i ever did have imaginary friends. I had imaginary bullies though. Those fuckers are still here to this day and they are the voices in my head.

55. Are you more of a tomboy or girly girl when it comes to your outfits?

Answer: It really depends of the days honestly. I can be a horrible mixture of both.

56. What is the most recent wet dream you've had?

Answer: It’s about myself and a muse created by this friend of mine and it’s really kinky and the muse itself has been haunting my fucking dreams since last monday...

57. Are you exhausted?

Answer: The making of this post has brought my sore eyes to exhaustion.

58. At what ages did you learn to swim?

Answer: Around the same time that I learned to ride a bike...so like age 7 as well...

59. Do you bite your nails?

Answer: Yes, I do. Curse my anxiety.

60. How many years have you been into therapy?

Answer: 11 years, my dude. 11 fucking years. And I ain’t close of getting out of it.