#happy 1 year to this yujin!!! i love this look so much

[000-pawz]

mission p.s.h is a-go! (p.sh) ˚ · .

park sungho x fem!reader (she/her), college au, art major! reader, art major!sungho, reader is so lovesick, sungho is a nervous wreck, ft. lovingly-bothersome sidekick jaehyun + mom friend roommate yujin, shy extrovert sungho, not so shy extrovert reader <3, mutual pining, puppy love, first kisses, jaehyun has a lot of piercings because why not, the world is your wingman, a story about friendship and first loves!!!!, romantic comedy

warnings: suggestive scene (mdni pleek), some sex jokes, cursing, drinking

wc: 11.3k+

playlist ⋆｡˚ "a girl like me" by flowerovlove, "wishlist" by txt, "stylish" by loona, "blooming in the morning" by spool, "serenade" by boynextdoor

a/n: i have been working on this for.... forever..... >3< but it's finally here!!! <3 happy bonedo first anniversary to all who celebrate! also tysm for 100+ followers!!! ^___^ ur support means everything to me. i had so much fun writing this and i hope you guys have even more fun reading!!!

DEAR DIARY

11:44 a.m | weather: partly cloudy

dear diary,

so today has already gone to absolute shit!!!! i missed my morning lecture because i forgot to put my phone on the charger so it fucking died in the middle of the night and then i realized that my period started 4 days early and i ran out of pain killers and i didn’t have any time to stop by the health center and get some but even if i’m physically dying and rotting away, i HAVE to get my usual chai tea with three pumps vanilla and 1 pump brown sugar but THEN i dropped my chai tea with three pumps vanilla and 1 pump brown sugar in the middle of the courtyard and i was already late to my next class so i didn’t have time to go back and get another one and then i finally make it to fucking studio arts and my usual spot is taken by some sleeping rando who ISN’T EVEN IN THIS CLASS. WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE??? so then i was forced to sit in the back of class and use that stupid squeaky easel that literally wobbles when you BREATHE on it and all of this happened BEFORE 12 O’CLOCK!!!! now i’m—

“watcha writing?” an all too playful voice sounds right behind you, way too close for comfort and you don’t even bother to look up—you already know who it is by the irritating jingle of his dangly jewelry and the snicker that bubbles out of his throat at your annoyed expression.

“fuck off, jaehyun,” you mumble as you continue to recount your horrible day while you wait for the first layer of paint on your easel to dry, the obnoxiously hot pink pen in your hand scribbling ferociously against the white page of your diary. you hear another irksome laugh leave his body before the chair beside you squeaks as someone pulls it out.

“shh, don’t disturb her. she’s poetically releasing her emotions...” out the corner of your eye, you see yujin glance down at your page before slightly wincing, setting her watercolors down on the table slowly. “or something…”

jaehyun takes a seat at the table in front of you, sitting backward in his chair to take a closer look at what you’re writing—any semblance of privacy was long dismissed once you became friends with the two at the beginning of the school year. freshman move-in day had been possibly one of the worst experiences of your life, all thanks to the maltipoo puppy jaehyun tried to sneak into the residence hall and yujin’s immense fear of dogs. you guys have been inseparable since. 

trauma bonding, you think.

jaehyun flicks some of his brown hair out of his vision as his face contorts into something sour. “woah, when did the grinch take over your body?”

yujin scoots away and jaehyun raises his hands in surrender as you suddenly slam your diary shut, mentally rolling your eyes at their antics. 

“woah, when will you learn to stay out of my business?” you shoot towards jaehyun with the straightest face ever, his lips frowning as you slide your diary off of the table and into your bag. 

“hey, don’t take your anger out on me, grumpy pants.” 

and that just so happens to be your final straw—like those mundane moments where you’re having the worst day known to man and then all of a sudden your key doesn’t want to fit in the keyhole and now you want to rip your door off of the hinges—and jaehyun is now that door. you lunge at the pierced man, going straight for his jugular, but yujin is quick to wrap her arms around your waist, pulling you back down into your seat as she shushes you. 

“breathe, y/n, breathe,” yujin speaks in her exaggerated yoga instructor voice, the deep one that makes her sound like she’s high on shrooms. you close your eyes, forcing yourself to think of kittens and rainbows as your shoulders slowly untense. “there we go. smell the tulips and blow out the candles. that’s right. smell the tulips and blow out the—”

“why can’t they be roses?”

your eyes immediately snap open like a vampire at the smell of blood, meeting jaehyun’s highly entertained and highly aggravating expression.

“jaehyun, we talked about this. tulips smell better than ro—”

yujin’s voice is drowned out in your ears once a tall, raven-haired figure strolls into the studio. everything in the background fades to a blur as he makes his way to his usual sketching table, just a few seats away from where you reside. from here, you have a perfect view of his side profile, the sunlight streaming through the open windows lighting up his face heavenly. 

any anger in your body dissipates on the spot.

he’s wearing a baby blue knit sweater—the same sweater he wore on tuesday last week (...not that you remember or anything!)—with baggy light-washed jeans that adorn a little eevee pokemon charm hanging from his front belt loop. the black converse on his feet match yours and you try not to squeal at the slight prospect of a couple's outfit. slung over his body is the green satchel that he seems to take everywhere with him, filled to the brim with notebooks and art supplies. 

his black hair is messy and a little longer than the last time you have seen him. it curls over his eyebrows and down his neck, some tucked behind his naturally flushed ears. his eyelashes are so full, and even though his eyes are slightly obscured by the thin, circular glasses that sit on his nose, you can still make out the delicate shadow they cast onto his doughy cheeks. you wonder if he has a skincare routine from how smooth his skin looks, almost picture-esque as the sunrays illuminate a halo above his head. you swear a chorus of angels begin to sing in your ears.

he’s taking out his sketchpad now, and you watch the way he adjusts his glasses ever so slightly before lining up his charcoal pencils in order of point size next to his page. you’ve never gotten to see his art up close, but you’ve picked up on the fact his medium has always been a pencil of some sort—let it be graphite, pigmented colors, carbon—and you crave to see what his nimble fingers can create. his lips are pressed into a thin line as he completely submerges himself into that little bubble you notice he goes into when he starts to draw. 

you think he looks the most handsome when he’s immersed like this.

you don’t realize you’re staring until you blink and register that park sungho, aka the man of your dreams, aka the most gorgeous person to ever walk these streets, aka an angel from above, is staring directly at you. with this new angle, you can fully see his pouted heart-shaped lips and slightly puffy face—he must’ve just woken up. he’s so perfect, in every way possible. your heart nearly crawls up your throat as he sends a tiny smile your way, his eyes bunching up cutely at the corners. you almost raise your hand to wave back before a voice cuts through your dazed state.

“hey, sungho!” jaehyun calls, waving his hand frantically, the many bracelets on his wrists jingling with the movement; and said sungho waves in response, contained and shy, before turning his attention back to his sketchpad. while you’re slightly disappointed that sungho hadn’t been looking at you, you mentally thank jaehyun for saving you from could’ve-been detrimental embarrassment. 

you slightly deflate, slumping back down into your chair with a tiny huff—and jaehyun watches you from beginning to end, a knowing look in his eyes. 

“look, y/n’s upset her little boobie bear didn’t—”

this time, you grab your barbie-esque pen and chuck it squarely at jaehyun’s nose, the plastic clinking against his nose ring. you hear yujin giggling from beside you, jaehyun shooting her a hopeless look of betrayal.

“you set yourself up for that one, myung,” she speaks before she gets up to fill her paint cup with water. jaehyun rolls his eyes with a scoff, quickly turning his attention back to you—much to your dismay.

“you should try to talk to him. he’s really nice, trust me,” jaehyun suggests with a little wiggle of his eyebrows, not-so-subtly nodding his head in sungho’s direction. your eyes can’t help but trail back over to the tall man’s frame, nearly swooning at the way he pushes his glasses up his nose with his pinky finger, squinting his eyes slightly despite the lenses as his pencil glides across the paper like a ballerina. 

fuck, he’s so cute. you want to die.

“i don’t even think he knows my name,” you sigh, almost dreamily as you spectate from afar. the way he readjusts his grip on the pencil every few seconds, and the way his knee bounces unrhythmically under the table, his pokemon charm shaking with the movement. his bottom lip is caught in between his teeth now and you’re sure you might pass out as he reaches up to run his fingers through his hair, the fluffy locks falling back into place slowly as they nearly defy gravity. 

oh, park sungho. you don’t know how perfect you are.

“girl, you look like a stalker,” yujin appears beside you once again, multiple watercolor brushes knocking against each other as they swim in her now water-filled cup. it’s your turn to glare this time, crossing your arms over your chest as you manage to slump even further in your seat—you aren’t sure how you haven’t fallen to the floor yet.

“i can’t help it! just… look at him,” you whine pitifully, trying to keep your voice down as you glance at him one last time. yup, still gorgeous.

jaehyun groans loudly from his spot, his bracelets clanking as he grips his hair with both hands.

“i am going to bash my head into this table if you don’t speak to him. i don’t know how much more sungho mushy-gushy talk i can take,” he complains, his eyes wide and faux-crazed as he lightly tugs his hair. he looks stupid as hell—you’ve always thought jaehyun resembles the annoying orange.

“that’s if sungho doesn’t decide to run away before she can even open her mouth.”

and there it goes. the real reason why you’ve never gotten the chance to speak to your puppy-love crush. 

it’s a strange phenomenon actually, the way park sungho seems to avoid you like the plague. at first, you thought he was just incredibly shy. maybe he had chronic social anxiety, in which, you wouldn’t blame him at all—you were the exact same way before you got to college, so it would make perfect sense. he’s just a shy, shy guy who doesn’t intend on making small talk; and that would’ve been just fine with you.

but then you saw him interact with like… everyone else in the entire world, and decided to rule out that option because—what? he shows up to every single birthday party he’s invited to, says hi to all of his friends as he passes them on campus, and he even complimented your brooding english professor’s tie once! so there’s no way park sungho doesn’t know how to interact with other humans.

it’s just you. he doesn’t want to interact with you.

not to be selfish and arrogant or anything, but it’s truly a huge blow to your pride. you’ve always considered yourself to be a pretty likable person—maybe a little off-kilter, but not to the point where it literally makes people pack up their things and leave as soon as you enter the room. and yes, sungho has done that before. 

so now you’re stuck in this predicament where you can’t go one night without falling asleep to the idea of holding park sungho’s lovely hand and kissing his squishy cheek and touching his luscious hair, when—in truth, horrible, horrible truth—this exact park sungho doesn’t even want to see your face.

once snapped back into reality, the realization rebirths all of your anger—at the world, at yourself, at sungho “loml” park. yujin mumbles out a little half-assed apology that you completely dismiss and jaehyun snickers as he rises to a stand, throwing something over his shoulder about how he all of a sudden has a sculpture he needs to get started on before he disappears from your sight.

he doesn’t even know how to sculpt.

when you look up, you see jaehyun giving sungho a little goodbye pat on the back, in which sungho returns with a little “see you later” and a smile that bunches his cheeks up like bread rolls. damn you park sungho and your adorable, adorable cheeks.

this is definitely going in your diary tonight.

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

or at least you thought it would be going in your diary tonight.

because currently, as of 7:28 pm local time, you can’t seem to find that sparkly pink journal anywhere. 

you checked your tote bag, yujin’s bag, jaehyun’s giant pockets, under your seat in the art studio, the cafeteria, and even asked around hoping someone’s heard of it through word-of-mouth—and yet, nothing. no sign of your journal at all.

if you were thinking rationally, you would have maybe thought to check your dorm room. you did end up having lunch in there with the blinds closed after your shitty day and the overwhelming need to disappear from society. or, you might have left it in your french language class because you had pulled it out mid lecture to complain about your horrible view from the very back row. it might have even fell out on your bus ride to the small dimsum restaurant located on the outskirts of your campus. 

but you have been on the edge of snapping since the very moment you woke up this morning, and if you thought jaehyun’s little quips earlier brought you to your limit, then losing your diary now broke the meter.

you glumly take a seat on an unoccupied bench outside of the arts building, trying your best to hold in your tears at the absolute wreck this day has become. no chai tea, early period, squeaky easel, park sungho not even knowing your name—

“um, y/n?”

as soon as the first tear rolls down your cheek, your hear that all too familiar voice in your ears, a tall shadow blocking the slight rays of the moon in the distance. everything feels unreal, almost hallucinatory as your lift your head to see the man of all your dreams standing right in front of you with a shy smile on his perfect, perfect face.

as soon as he locks eyes with you though, his smile falters, his lips turning down into one of the softest frowns you’ve ever seen grace such an angelic face. snapping yourself out of your mini daze, you reach up with the sleeve of your jacket to quickly wipe your eyes. 

not now tear ducts! the love of your life is in your vicinity! and he knows your name!

“hey, sungho! hi,” you rush out in one breath, hoping your voice isn’t too shaky. 

“are you…” sungho’s question starts off as a small mumble, but he quickly cuts himself off with a tiny shake of his head.  “n-nevermind. i just wanted to give this to you.”

you watch him as he digs around in his green satchel for a second before pulling out something bright pink, the street lights reflecting off of the sparkles. you feel your heart leap in your chest at the sight, jumping up from your seat.

“my journal! oh my god, thank you! where did you find it?” you quickly speak as sungho passes you your journal.

“it was in the art studio. i promise i didn’t read any of it so… yea.” 

his fingers lightly brush yours for a split second and the end of his sentence falters a bit. you try not to read into it, but this moment is definitely, for sure going in your journal tonight. your first ever, longer-than-30-seconds encounter with the love of your life. totally disregarding the fact that he saw you crying… 

you clutch the notebook to your chest as you give him a bright beam, trying to keep all of the squealing and fawning locked away in your mind. sungho looks incredibly gorgeous in the low ray of evening lights, strands of his shiny hair tucked behind his ear and falling over his forehead. as the wind blows, you’re able to get a whiff of the sweet cologne he always wears, vanilla and another hidden tone that mixes perfectly.

“thank you, sungho. really, thank you.” your voice is soft as you meet his sparkling eyes; they’re deep and mesmerizing, glittering with stardust as he mirrors your smile. he nods ever so slightly before gripping his satchel strap with both of his hands.

“um, yea. it’s no problem,” he speaks through a small puff of nervous laughter. you’re surprised you haven't melted to the ground in a puddle of love-ridden goo yet. “have a good night.” 

“you too!” you say a little too enthusiastically. sungho simply nods again before he turns on his heel to leave towards the direction he came in. suddenly, he stops, turning back around to face you.

“i… my dorm is that way,” he rushes out before speedwalking past you without giving you a second glance. you hold back a giggle at his cute slip up, covering your mouth with your hand.  

he. is. so. cute. you want to scream the words to the sky. as soon as sungho disappears around the corner, you wip out your phone, your heart pounding in your chest.

to: dumb and dumber

guys. you’ll never fucking guess what just happened.

MISSION P.S.H

6:15 a.m | weather: clear skies

dear diary,

i dreamt of him. again. please kill me already.

“...and then i was like what? because that was the same guy i hooked up with last week!” yujin spills as she dramatically reenacts her encounter at some party she went to last night. you’re having lunch with your friends in the courtyard, the chatter of students, bikes, and overhead planes mixing with the warm breeze.

“i told you he was a fuckboy. and then you called me an annoying virgin,” jaehyun deadpans as he takes a bite out of his sandwich, shrugging his shoulders. you laugh at their bickering from the other side of the table, looking back down at your journal where you are currently doodling the scene in front of you, but with yujin and jaehyun as cats.

yujin rolls her eyes, opening her mouth to rebuttal, but she stops herself as her eyes catch onto something over your shoulder. you watch as her eyes widen toward you, immediately catching onto what that stare means.

‘park sungho incoming. act normal!’

you sit up straighter, trying to act nonchalant as sungho strolls up to your table. as naturally as possible, you lift your gaze toward him, your breath catching in your throat as soon as your eyes lock onto his figure.

today, he’s in a simple white t-shirt, zip-up, and jeans with his classic green satchel, but to you, he looks other-worldly. the sun shines brightly above his head, casting a spotlight onto him as if he were standing solo on a stage. you envision red rose petals falling around him in slow motion as he blinks, his long eyelashes tickling his cheeks with the movement. his skin is slightly flushed from the humid air, his lips full and plush as a smile stretches across his perfect face. 

he’s going to be the death of me, you think, holding back a dreamy sigh.

“i brought those references you asked for,” sungho directs towards jaehyun with his silky smooth voice, reaching into his satchel to pull out a blue folder of papers. you get deja vu, recalling the way his fingers brushed yours last night (and yes, you recapped the moment to yujin and jaehyun at least three times since then.)

“oh, thanks bro! i totally forgot about these,” jaehyun speaks, grabbing the folder from sungho’s perfect hands. “hey, are you still going to riwoo’s party on saturday?”

“yeah, i’ll be there. see you then?” 

“yup! i’m dragging these two along with me.” sungho nods with a small smile before his eyes catch onto yujin.

“your shirt is dope, yujin. i love that band,” sungho compliments and yujin quickly jumps into a recap of how she went to their concert last week. sungho says something about him also being there with a friend and all of it goes through one ear and out of the other. “anyways, i’ll see you guys around.”

sungho gives your table one last smile, his eyes catching onto yours for a split second before he merges off into the crowd of students. the table is silent for a few beats and both of your friends turn their eyes to you, just waiting for you to say something. you sigh as you stare off into the direction sungho disappeared in, resting your cheek in your palm.

“is he avoiding me? he has to be avoiding me… like he talks to you guys but pretends like i’m not even there!” you speak through a dejected pout. yujin eyes you with something akin to pity, completely contrasting jaehyun whose face is decorated with an annoying smile. 

“it’s ‘cause he’s afraid that if he looks you in the eyes, you might eat his soul.”

you completely disregard jaehyun’s comment, running through all of the possible explanations for his behavior in your mind. does he have a secret partner? or maybe he doesn’t like the smell of your perfume? what if he thinks you are butt-fuck ugly and a pain to look at? no… it’s definitely not that. you remind yourself to give your reflection an apology when you get back to your dorm. 

your eyes slowly increase in size as you sit up, a eureka moment taking over your train of thought. the gasp that leaves your lips is a little too loud for a public, communal space, but it doesn’t even register in your brain. 

you’ve got it all figured out.

“guys…” you start ominously, smiling widely at your friends as you brace your hands on the table. “i think he’s playing hard to get.”

jaehyun and yujin stare at you half-incredulously and half-amused, a puff of laughter even passing through jaehyun’s lips while yujin has to turn away to muffle her giggles.

“yu, i think she’s finally lost it.”

you shake your head quickly. “no, no, guys, it all makes sense. i caught him staring at me in class once—”

“anyone would stare if they saw a free-roaming demon in a college art course.”

“jaehyun, i will literally cut your tongue off.”

jaehyun pouts his snakebite-accented lips, turning to yujin with pleading eyes as he gestures towards you on the other side of the table. “did you hear her? that’s actually a threat this time. a real threat.”

yujin sighs, half-heartedly patting jaehyun’s shoulder twice to console him before giving her full attention to you. 

“y/n… i think it’s time to have ‘the talk’.”

you blink blankly at yujin before glancing over at jaehyun who is nodding along to said woman’s words, a playfully solemn look on his face.

“what ‘talk’?... look, if this is about sex, i already know how babies are made so…”

“no, no, not that talk. the park sungho talk,” yujin explains, reaching across the table to place her hand on top of yours. this feels like some weird group therapy session, and to be honest, your best friends are really starting to creep you out in the way that they seem to communicate silently through their eyes.

what the fuck is going on?

“let me explain it to you in simple terms,” jaehyun sits up straight before dramatically clearing his throat. “park sungho plus girlfriend equals no-no. nada. never happened. park sungho plus crush equals ‘AHHHHHHHHH! THE WORLD IS ENDING!’. park sungho see you. park sungho ‘AHHHHHHH!!!!’”

jaehyun shouts in a high-pitched girly voice before doing a little running away motion, covering his eyes as he pretends to tremble before going back to normal.

now it’s time for both you and yujin to stare blankly at jaehyun—the latter looks incredibly proud of himself nonetheless, his chest puffed out confidently after his little performance. you slowly turn your gaze to yujin’s figure, motioning towards jaehyun next to her.

“can i get a translation or something…?”

yujin sighs before flicking jaehyun’s nose ring, resulting in a drowned out complaint about the both of you “teaming up on him” or whatever. you both don’t pay him any mind though—you have bigger things to worry about, such as—

“basically, what he’s trying to say is that sungho has a crush on you, but he’s scared because he’s never had a girlfriend before and he freaks out around you. so he… flees like a little baby rabbit when you’re near him,” yujin concludes with a bright smile, clasping her hands together.

okay.

okay.

this is not what you were expecting to hear during your wednesday afternoon lunch break. everything you’ve ever known, everything you’ve forced yourself to believe comes crumbling down all at once. 

park sungho has a crush on you.

park sungho has a crush on you.

wait.

“and no one has thought to tell me this until now?” you breathe out, your eyes as wide as saucers. jaehyun shrugs, picking up his sandwich to take a bite.

“well, it’s kind of something we found out like today,” jaehyun speaks through a mouthful of lettuce and bacon, yujin nodding along next to him. 

“you know han taesan from our literature class?” yujin asks, leaning towards you as she lowers her voice. you search your fried brain for any familiarity, humming in thought for a second before it clicks.

“the one who dresses like a wannabe kurt cobain?”

“yes, him. so basically, sungho confessed to him about his crush on you. and jaehyun and i, who were magically sitting behind mr. han, just so happened to accidentally see their text messages. so. yeah,” yujin explains.

the silence is loud.

“so what i’m hearing is you guys violated someone’s privacy and now you’re telling me their classified business?” you speak, blinking blankly between then.

“...yes?” jaehyun replies slowly with a guilty smile. you look at them for a few seconds before reaching your hands out for highfives. 

“i knew i could trust you guys,” you affirm as you double highfive them both, jaehyun letting out a little woop woop. “so, what do i do now? i obviously can’t just walk right up to him and ask him out. i’m gonna need a plan if i’m ever going to get him to willingly talk to me.”

“oh, i’m already ten steps ahead of you, babygirl. mission p.s.h is a-go,” jaehyun declares, pulling out his phone. you tilt your head in pure confusion and you’re sure the crinkle between your brows is apparent. 

“mission p—what?”

jaehyun sighs with exasperation—as if you were the cause of all of his troubles in the world—before placing his phone on the table. “mission park sungho. come on, let’s use our head, idiot.”

“i will smash your head into—”

“you will do none of those things,” yujin interrupts with a stern motherly glare before turning to jaehyun. “now can you explain this mission park sungho thing because…?”

jaehyun rolls his eyes before leaning back in his seat with a sly smile on his lips.

“i began working on it last night and i was going to show you guys when i finished, but we’re in a dire, dire situation.” jaehyun sends you dramatically sympathetic eyes and you stick your tongue out at him in return. “it’s simple, really. we just set the bait, and like the little baby rabbit he is, he’ll bite the carrot. then, once our handy work is done, y/n and sungho will live happily ever after in their fairy princess castle. it’s foolproof.”

jaehyun concludes with a triumphant smile before he slowly slides his phone over towards you like a suspicious dealer. you raise a brow at him, but take the phone anyways.

“phase one, get his attention. so just like… get him jealous?” you ask, cocking your head. jaehyun nods quickly in response, his hair bouncing like an overly excited puppy.

“mhm, yup! i know a guy who’s perfect for this.”

“that sounds… sketchy… but a good idea nonetheless.” you squint your eyes a bit as you continue reading the almost illegible notes app ramble. “and then phase two…”

“get him alone. he’s going to be at riwoo’s party, right? right?” you and yujin nod in response. “so we find a way to get him and y/n alone so they can… you know…” jaehyun does some weird, obscure motion with his fingers and yujin gently places her hand on top of his to stop it immediately.

“this is literally phase two, myungjae. slow down,” yujin chastises before turning to you. “what do you think, y/n?”

“we may need to tweak phase two a bit, but this looks… surprisingly safe…” you mutter as you read through the plan once again. “why is phase three just a bunch of question marks and thinking emojis…?”

“i didn’t get to finish it. i had more important things to tend to last night,” jaehyun smiles menacingly. yujin gags and you groan, rolling your eyes.

“i don’t even wanna know,” you say, trying to clear your mind of whatever the hell he meant by that. 

“i guess we’ll just figure something out when we get there?” yujin suggests, looking between you two for approval. you nod in agreement because, well, you’re running out of options here. sungho is one of the world’s most desirable bachelors! you can’t just wait around for another girl to come by and woo him. you need to get to work asap.

“don’t worry. i’ll come up with something. they don’t call me myungstein for nothing,” jaehyun runs his fingers through his hair cockily, trying to subtly flex his nonexistent muscles.

“literally no one… no one calls you that…” you trail off but keep the rest of your words to yourself. you owe it to him for making up this plan in the first place.

at this point, you’re going to run out of pages in your journal before the year ends.

PHASE ONE: GET HIS ATTENTION (easy enough, right?)

11:37 a.m | weather: sunny with a nice breeze

dear diary,

i’ve decided to listen to myung jaehyun for once. i apologize in advance to my future self. i’m desperate okay?!?!?!

“remember what we practiced?” jaehyun whispers to you as you stand outside of the campus cafe where sungho works. yujin is already stationed inside of the cafe to make sure everything goes well. through the big glass window, you see her sitting in the corner with a comically large newspaper and sunglasses sitting low on her nose. not suspicious at all.

“yes. flirt with that guy with the luscious hair and make sure sungho hears,” you recite the exact words jaehyun had told you on your walk here. jaehyun gives you an affirmative hum, dropping his hand onto your shoulder.

“okay, let’s practice right now. pretend i’m luscious hair guy,” you open your mouth to argue, but jaehyun is already getting into character, dramatically running his fingers through his hair, slipping a cartoonish shmoulder on his face. “hey, pretty lady.”

“jaehyun, that’s gross. no.”

“who’s jaehyun? is he your boyfriend? of course a beauty like you would already be taken,” he speaks in a low voice before biting his lip in the least seductive way possible.

you try not to gag at his words, shrugging his hand off of your shoulder. “i’m going in now. bye.” 

drowning out jaehyun’s objections, you open the door of the cafe, the little bells above the door jingling with the movement. your eyes scan the cafe for a second before they land on a familiar figure making small talk with some guy as he serves him coffee. he looks so handsome in his work uniform, a white button-up and brown slacks with a matching brown apron. his hair is a little curlier than usual and he has on his glasses again today. 

you definitely wouldn’t mind seeing this every day. maybe you should come to this cafe more often.

you try to calm the frantic beating of your heart as you give yujin a curt nod. she gives you one back before ducking behind the newspaper again. it’s go time.

it doesn’t take you long to spot “luscious hair guy”, seeing as he’s currently working the front register. he’s tall and attractive, the perfect bait. honestly, you have no idea what jaehyun bribed him with to get him to go with your plan, and honestly, you don’t really want to know. 

you quickly adjust your clothes as you walk up to the counter. luscious hair guy’s eyes lock onto yours and you offer him an affable smile.

“hi!” you greet brightly before leaning in to quickly whisper the code word “p.s.h”. luscious hair guy nods quickly in recognition before the both of you get into character.

“hello! what can i get for you today?” he asks with a glimmering smile, leaning forward in interest. you pretend to think, tapping your lips as you glance up at the menu.

“hm… i’ve never been here before… what do you recommend?” you ask with a (hopefully) flirtatious smile. just then, you notice sungho slip behind the counter to put some dishes away, his eyes widening once he sees your face. it takes less than two seconds for him to duck his head away, turning his back to you as he frantically begins organizing some mugs. 

“the vanilla caramel latte is really good,” leehan suggests, shooting you an award winning smile. someone get this guy a oscar!

“then i’ll get that,” you dramatically glance down at his name tag. “thanks, leehan.”

over the tall man’s shoulder, you notice sungho inconspicuously walk over to the front counter, his eyes flickering over to the both of you for a split second. he busies himself by adjusting the pastry display, but you can see him definitely listening in on your conversation.

“i’m sorry if this sounds odd, but you have a really beautiful smile,” leehan compliments shyly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. you gasp before letting out a small giggle.

“wow, thank you!” you breathe out, blinking up at leehan coyly. “you’re pretty cute yourself.”

“that means a lot coming from a pretty girl like you.” in your peripheral, you see sungho slightly tense up, his entire body stilling for a moment. “i’ll get that right out for you.”

at those words words, sungho abruptly stands up, nearly slamming the display shut before going to wipe down tables. leehan smiles at you once sungho’s back is turned to the both of you, trying to hold in his laughter.

“he’s upset,” leehan mouths, nodding his head towards sungho who is currently aggressively scrubbing an already stainless table. perfect.

you head over to a vacant table, a few away from yujin, but still close enough to whisper “i think it’s working”. yujin lowers her sunglasses with a manicured nail, glancing over at sungho who is aggressively scrubbing another table; his lips are pouted and his eyebrows are slightly furrowed. she turns back to you with a knowing look, nodding her head.

you scroll on your phone for a bit, making sure to update jaehyun who had a presentation this afternoon. you’re sure that if he were free, he’d be in a wig and spectacles, adorned in a trench coat and briefcase right there with yujin. maybe his absence is for the better.

a few minutes later, you hear that all too familiar, lovely voice flow through the quiet buzz of the cafe. you look up from your phone to see leehan moving to plate your order with sungho hot on his heels.

“leehan, i can take that order for you,” sungho speaks, his gentle voice a little sharper around the edges. you see leehan brush him off with a warm smile, adjusting the mug on the tray.

“oh, it’s okay, i’ve got it,” he says, but sungho quickly cuts him off.

“no, no, i insist. really.” sungho gives leehan a tight-lipped smile before shooing him off to take another order. your eyes widen, quickly turning toward yujin who’s wiggling her eyebrows at you over the newspaper.

“it worked!” she mouths. you hide your smile behind your hand as you nod quickly before looking down at your phone to text jaehyun.

to: dumber

the fish has landed in the hole. or however that goes

when you finally look back up, sungho is making his way over to you, his bottom lip cutely caught between his teeth.

“oh, hi sungho!” you greet when he stops at your table, awkwardly holding the tray in front of his chest. 

“hi, y/n. uh, here you go.” sungho gives you a shaky smile and you resist the urge to coo. he’s so cute, in the way his hands shake slightly as he lowers the mug and a slice of strawberry cake onto the table.

“oh, i didn’t order the cake!” you say, meeting his eyes. sungho nervously laughs as he tucks the now empty tray under his arm.

“it’s… um, it’s on the house,” he messily motions towards your table before gluing his arms back to his sides. “everything is.”

“really? you’re so sweet, sungho. thank you.” you think you are going to float out of your seat. he quickly looks away from your gaze after your compliment, redirecting his eyes to his shoes. his ears are slightly blushed on the tips, his circular glasses slipping down his nose slightly.

“don’t mention it,” he mumbles, his cheeks dusted an apple red that match his ears.  “also, your um… your outfit is really nice.”

yup. you’re definitely floating.

“thank you so much! you look nice, too. i mean, you look nice in everything,” you giggle, watching the way sungho’s wide eyes shoot up to yours. he looks like a surprised kitten with the way his black curls fall into his face at the sudden movement. you get the sudden urge to gently brush them away, but you remind yourself of proper etiquette and keep your hands to yourself.

“that’s… that’s not true, but thank you,” he speaks quietly. you open your mouth to rebuttal, but sungho simply gives you a quick nod and scurries off back to the counter. you can’t even be disappointed this time—that little interaction was enough to feed your delusions for the next month and a half.

as soon as sungho makes it back behind the counter, you see him drop his head into his hands in embarrassment, shaking his head. leehan comes up behind him to give him a pat on the back, trying to hold in his laughter. the luscious haired guy gives you a thumbs up over sungho’s shoulder and you shoot him one back with a wide smile. mission accomplished, you guess as you take a bite of the fluffy cake. 

so sweet.

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

5:14 p.m | weather: ANGELS SINGING FROM ABOVE

dear diary,

park sungho wrote his number on the napkin. i have park sungho's number. he gave me his number. we're sooooo back.

PHASE TWO: GET HIM ALONE (and not in the creepy way!!!)

if there was one thing about your best friends, it would be how hard they party. it’s not like you were a prude or anything—definitely not that—but these two took parties to a different level. you aren’t sure how long you’ve been dancing in between jaehyun and yujin, squeezed between other sweaty bodies as the music thrums through your veins. jaehyun’s hands are on your hips and yujin’s arms are wrapped around your shoulders as you laugh with your head thrown back, letting loose. there is no room to be shy when it comes to partying with them.

your friend riwoo went all out for this end of the semester party, it seems. he rented out a beach house that sits right along the shore and you’re pretty sure he invited more than half of your entire university. you already greeted the host with hugs and small talk before you went straight for the drinks. as the song playing through the speakers comes to an end, the dj announces that fireworks are going off at the beach at 2 a.m, so people start stumbling and filing out of the house to see the pretty lights and colors.

“you wanna get another drink?” yujin shouts into your ear and you nod quickly. you definitely aren’t drunk enough—especially for what you guys have planned tonight. phase two.

“i’m gonna go find sungho,” jaehyun manages to say in his already drunken state before disappearing into the crowd, greeting at least 3 people as he makes his way through. you grab yujin’s hand to tug her toward the nearly vacant kitchen. most of the drinks are outside at the beach, but this is all a part of the plan. you rummage around in the fridge hoping to find anything to calm your nerves.

“calm down, y/n. you look like you’re going to explode,” yujin laughs from behind you, leaning against the marble island.

“because i am. i’ve never been alone with him before. what if i say something stupid?” you whine, still searching for anything that isn’t soda or juice.

“...like you always do?” yujin quips back quickly. you pause to give her a tiny glare over your shoulder before you deflate, turning back to the fridge.

“...fair. but still! i really don’t want to mess this up,” you sigh. as if the fridge itself has begun to pity you, you end up finding something tucked away near the back, though you’re freaking out too much to even read the label. with a shrug, you uncap it and drink straight from the bottle.

“you got this. remember, he already likes you. i don’t think he can be saved at this point.”

“you’re right,” you say, looking down at your heels, but once her words fully process in your tipsy mind, your head snaps right back up “wait, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“it means that all you have to be is yourself. we’re all rooting for you!” yujin rushes over to plant a kiss on your cheek before patting your head. “now, i have an appointment upstairs, so i’ll see you later! keep me updated!”

“wait, yujin!” you call, but she’s already slipped right through your fingers. you huff as she disappears around the corner, her menacing giggles fading into the music like an evil villain. whatever. you have more important things to worry about right now—such as sungho entering the kitchen not even a beat later looking otherworldly.

your fingers nearly slip on the neck of the bottle as your eyes lock onto each other’s. sungho looks good. and by good, you mean you-want-to-jump-his-bones-right-here-right-now good. 

his usually messy hair is pushed back and out of his face, a few strands falling onto his forehead. he’s ditched his glasses and his eyes look even more sharp and enticing like this—as if he’s staring straight into your soul. he’s wearing a cropped black tee with jeans, adorning multiple silver necklaces that shine against his skin. his soft lips are glossy from the drink in his hands, his cheek slightly flushed from the alcohol.

you’ve never seen him look like this before. the cute park sungho you’re so used to is somewhere dead in a ditch right now. god.

you can’t even speak as he shoots you a smile, his eyes softening with familiarity.

“hey,” he says, his gaze flickering to the bottle in your hands. “you alright there?”

you look down at your hands, quickly moving to place the bottle on the counter behind you with a guilty smile.

“yeah—yeah, no, i’m great. perfect, actually.” you find yourself stumbling over your own words. if you thought you weren’t drunk enough to handle this before, now you think you are too drunk to even process the sight in front of you.

“why’re you in here alone? everyone’s heading down to the beach,” sungho says as he rounds the island. 

he has to be drunk, if not for the way he so boldly rakes his eyes over your body without shame. you swallow, blinking up at him. you can see him very obviously checking you out, his eyes running up the expanse of your exposed legs to the hem of your mini dress. he’s not too close, but you can still smell his vanilla-and-something-secret cologne with the proximity. you feel yourself grow weak in the knees, reaching back to hold onto the counter behind you. 

“i could be asking you the same thing,” you shoot back, trying to regain your confidence as you catch his eyes. sungho lets out of a puff of laughter, dropping his gaze for a second before looking back up at you. you feel your heart catch in your throat at the way his eyelashes flutter so beautiful, his tongue swiping across his bottom lip absentmindedly.

“i guess i was looking for you,” he speaks quietly, so sincerely that you aren’t sure if he knows the effect he has on you right now. 

“well, i’m here now,” you mumble back. 

“yeah. you are.”

the silence in between you guys is incredibly heavy, dripping with unsaid words and you can’t seem to find any of them. they all feel stuck in your throat as sungho’s eyes flicker in between yours. for once, he’s not the first one to break eye contact—and you even watch as he takes a few steps closer to you until he’s standing directly in front of you. 

“y/n…” he whispers, leaning down so only you can hear him. his hair tickles your face and you find yourself frozen, unable to move. “can i… can i kiss you?”

okay, he’s definitely drunk. but so are you, so you have nothing to lose.

“yes. please,” you whisper back and he’s on you before you can even blink.

sungho’s lips are as plush and sweet as you imagined them to be. he tastes of the fruity alcohol that sits in his now abandoned cup,your stomach flipping as he gently works his lips against yours. one of his hands comes up to cup your cheek, and you notice his fingers slightly shaking against your skin. even when he’s like this, he’s still so cute, it drives you crazy.

you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you until your bodies are pressed flush against each other. you tangle your fingers into his hair and at your actions, he softly sighs, falling into you even more. you swallow all of his noises as you swipe your tongue across his bottom lip for permission; pliantly, he parts his lips for you, a quiet moan leaving his lips when you slightly tug on his hair.

you feel his strong arm circle around your waist, his fingers splayed out against the fabric of your thin dress. you’re wrapped up in his scent, an all encompassing mantra of sungho, sungho, sungho filling your brain. he handles you gently, but so desperately as he licks into your mouth, his teeth grazing over your lips.

you can’t help the noises leaving your mouth as he subconsciously slips a leg in between yours, holding you impossibly closer to him. you can feel his rapid heart beat through his shirt, and you’re sure your own heart is pounding just as fast. he’s addicting in all sense of the word, your mind growing foggy as you grind up into him. he guides you with his arm, his other hand rubbing soothing circles onto your cheek. it’s everything and more, and when he finally parts for air, you find yourself chasing after his lips desperately. 

“is this—is this okay?” sungho stutters through a whisper, referring to the position the two of you are in. 

you nod quickly, biting your lip as you look up into his eyes. his pupils are fully blown out, his lips bitten red, covered in a thin layer of your saliva. his chest rises and falls quickly as he looks down at you and something akin to pride fills your chest at the sight. you made him like this. he’s so perfect. 

“fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he breathes out before capturing your lips again. he’s a little more feverish this time, moaning against your lips as you grind against his leg. he seems to be getting off on you getting off, and the thought alone is driving you crazy. 

you don’t even think about how you both are still in plain sight, right up against the kitchen counter where anyone could walk in at any time. and the little bubble that the two of you have built comes crashing down as a familiar voice breaks through your muddled haze.

“i’m gonna puke. need water,” jaehyun shouts as he runs into the kitchen before getting dizzy, moving to sit criss cross on the floor with his head in his hands.

“oh my god,” you groan as sungho hesitantly pulls himself away from you. “i’m so sorry, sungho.”

he’s clearly disheveled, his shirt slightly riding up exposing the smooth expanse of his lower stomach. his hair is a mess from your fingers, his lips are bruised, and it’s almost impossible to not notice the obvious bulge in his pants. despite it all, he’s still an angel, offering you a gentle smile.

“i’ll get him water, don’t worry,” sungho says, his face flushed red as he goes to grab a cup. you turn your gaze to the shitfaced jaehyun on the floor—you hold back any and all urges to cuss him out because 1. he’s incredibly drunk so the words won’t hurt him enough and 2. sungho is right there. 

you walk over to crouch down in front of jaehyun, placing a hand on his shoulder. “keep it in, myungjae, or i swear…”

jaehyun mumbles some incomprehensible gibberish and you sigh quietly. as much of a cockblock as he is right now, your friends’ wellbeing always comes first.

“here,” sungho says from above you. you look up to see him holding out a cup of water to you with a tiny, awkward smile on his lips. 

you already want to kiss him again.

“thank you,” you reply softly, returning the smile. “myung, you awake?” you shake jaehyun’s shoulder a few times before he finally slurs out more gibberish. “i’m gonna need words, hun.”

“i think… i think i’m drunk…” he mumbles before groaning again, slumping forward against you. 

“yeah, no shit,” you deadpan. you place the water down next to you so you can lift his head up with both hands. jaehyun’s cheeks squish together like a chipmunk as he sleepy blinks at you. “wake up. where’s yujin?”

“she left with someone… i didn’t see…” he trails off before slumping forward again. “i’m gonna puke.”

“no, you’re not. drink this.” you try your best to help him drink the water, even though most of it spills onto his shirt. whatever. “i’m taking you home.”

jaehyun doesn’t respond other than a hiccup and another incomprehensible mumble.

“do you need some help?”

oh, right. sungho is still right here. you feel half-embarrassed and half-disappointed at the prospect of leaving him high and dry right here, but jaehyun needs your help right now. you wave sungho off with a small laugh and a shake of your head.

“i got him. we’ll call a driver.”

“are you sure? i can go with you guys.”

“it’s okay! enjoy the party.” you insist, trying to get jaehyun to drink more water. sungho nibbles on his lip in thought, watching the scene in from of him.

“i’ll wait outside with you guys at least.”

“you really don’t have to…” but sungho cuts you off with an insistent look and you find yourself giving in all too quickly. “okay. can you help me get him up?”

with much struggle and some extra hands from angel sungho, you guys manage to get jaehyun on his feet. you throw his arm over your shoulders and wrap your own around his waist to hold him up straight. sungho helps you steady him from the other side and you mentally thank him a thousand times over again because you’re sure jaehyun would’ve already crushed you by now if he wasn’t here.

“carry me like a princess,” jaehyun mumbles, lolling his head to the side, his entire body complete jelly.

“i’m not carrying you like a princess, jaehyun,” you speak blankly as you make your way to the front of the beach house.

“sungho, carry me like a princess.” all sungho does it laugh lightly and take more of jaehyun’s weight from you. 

“come on, myungjae. left foot, right foot… there you go. you’re actually walking now, good job.”

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

sungho waits with the both of you on the steps, jaehyun half asleep on your shoulder. what a way to end your night. sungho is eerily quiet as he watches the party-goers in the distance, the fireworks painting the sky in an array of colors and light. it’s beautiful you think, and as you turn your head to gaze at sungho, the lights reflecting in his dark eyes, you think he’s even more beautiful.

“are you… are you sure you’ll be okay?” sungho suddenly asks, turning his head to face you.

“i’m sure. i don’t want to ruin your night,” you reply with a small smile, though sungho frowns at your words.

“you could never ruin my night,” he says so seriously, you think you might’ve misheard for a moment. sungho’s gaze is heavy on you and you’re at a loss for words again, your mouth clamping shut. you feel your stomach do flips at his words, so simple yet so perfect. everything he does makes you fall for him even more.

you don’t speak for a few minutes after that and you don’t need to. the silence is calming this time. of course, there are a million things you want to say to sungho, but now doesn’t feel like the right time. not when jaehyun is a zombie next to you, mumbling in his half-asleep daze. sungho seems to be keeping his words to himself as well, glancing over at you from time to time. 

finally, a black car pulls up in the driveway and you get a notification that your driver is here.

“i—i think that’s our car. thank you for your help, sungho,” you speak as you go to shake jaehyun awake.

“yeah, it’s no problem,” sungho sheepishly smiles, tucking his hands in his pockets. “um, y/n…?”

“hm?” you ask over your shoulder as you help your mumbling best friend to a stand. sungho watches the scene in front of him before shaking his head.

“...nevermind. get back safely, okay?” when you meet his eyes again, they’re sparkling with something unsaid. and somehow, you know exactly what he’s trying to say.

“will do,” you affirm with a small smile before shushing jaehyun as he begins to whine about needing to puke again. “goodnight, sungho!!”

“goodnight, y/n.”

your clingy, drunk best friend drops his head onto your shoulder again as soon as you manage to get into the car, cuddling up to your side like a koala. with a sigh, you gaze out of the window and back toward the house. none of this feels real yet, but you’re sure it’ll all hit you once you’re completely sober.

as you begin to drive off, you notice a figure with black hair softly banging his head against the front wall of the house before regaining his composure, making his way back down to the beach. 

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

12:47 p.m | weather: chilly

dear diary,

we kissed. we actually kissed. but he was drunk, so i don’t know what any of this means. did he mean to kiss me? does he regret it? he hasn’t texted me, or called me. should i text him first? i’ve never been this nervous over anything before. maybe because it all feels too real now. i like him a lot. i don’t want to ruin this.

also jaehyun puked in my dorm last night. great.

PHASE THREE: UH… NOT SURE YET (never let myung jaehyun plan anything)

you usually aren’t one to bed rot, but it’s been two days since riwoo’s party and you’re sure that you are absolutely done for.

you had finally gave in and texted sungho asking if he got home safe that night. he replied with the driest message you’ve ever seen, and left you on delivered after you asked him what his plans were for the week. 

and yes, you called for a best friend night so you could cry and tell you friends everything that happened. yujin had suggested that maybe he just needed some time to process things—it wouldn’t be out of character for him to avoid you in the first place, but you really thought you had made some semblance of progress that night.

jaehyun suggested that maybe he realized you are a bad kisser and never wants to see you again. you chose to flick him on the forehead and proceed to attempt suffocation with a pillow (which did not work. sadly.) 

now you’re laying in your bed hugging a plushie as you sadly scroll through your timeline at 4 p.m on a sunny sunday afternoon. yujin is out probably seeing the world why you are here hoping to disappear from it. you would’ve never thought that being ghosted could hurt you this bad—probably because you have never liked anyone as much as you like sungho. 

your heart physically hurts, but you try your best to not think too negatively. maybe yujin was right. maybe he just needed to sort things out by himself first. jaehyun, on the other hand, can go to hell.

you continue to scroll through funny cat videos until you suddenly get an incoming call from “p.s.h <3”.

the speed that you sit up at could beat lightning, your eyes comically widening as the caller i.d fills the screen. your fingers answer the call before you can even run through the possibilities of delusion and hallucination, pressing the phone to your ear.

“hello?” you speak, trying to sound as normal as possible. there’s a bit of shuffling on the other end of the line before sungho’s voice flows through.

“hey, y/n. are you free right now?” sungho asks, his voice half-unsure and half-hopeful. you bite your lip to suppress the smile creeping onto your face.

“right now…? i guess i have some time,” you exaggerate. what? he ghosted you for two days! you can’t seem too available!

sungho lets out a breath from the other end of the line, shuffling around again. “um, sorry if this is sudden, but can we meet up? i… i need to see you right now.”

you have to physically clutch your blanket in order to stop yourself from jumping with joy. park sungho wants to see you. park sungho wants to see you right now! it seems as if all of your wishes have been granted. fuck you, myung jaehyun!

“yeah, we can meet up. where?”

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

you notice sungho’s messy black hair as soon as you turn the corner to the flower garden situated in the middle of the large park across the street from your campus. he’s wearing a black long sleeve and jeans with a belt, his green satchel resting on the bench next to him. his glasses hang on the edge of the nose and he seems to be sketching something, his brows slightly furrowed as he focuses intently on his page.

those familiar fluttery feelings fill your chest when he looks up at the sound of your footsteps in the grass. his gaze softens when he meets your eyes, closing his sketchbook as you near him.

“hi,” you start with a shy smile. you suddenly feel self-conscious with his heavy gaze on you, looking down at your shoes. you realize that you’re both wearing converses again today. 

“hi,” sungho says before motioning to the empty spot on the bench next to him. “sit, sit.”

you nod once, cautiously taking a seat next to him. your heart pounds in your chest at the close proximity, which is ridiculous considering the fact that you two were much closer just a couple of days ago, but for some reason, everything feels a little different this time. 

late spring flowers bloom around you, pinks and yellows mixing with the green shrubbery. it’s sunny out, but a a cool breeze combats the bright sun rays. it’s a perfect day and sungho looks even more perfect. he’s back to his usual self it seems, unable to meet your eyes as he clears his throat. 

“so, um… i just want to start off by saying that i’m sorry.”

you make a small sound of confusion, tilting your head at him. “sorry about what? you didn’t do anything wrong…”

“no, i did. i haven’t spoken to you since the party and i just… i don’t know. i got stuck in my own head,” sungho explains softly as he peeks up at you. his leg is bouncing slightly with nervousness and you want to reach over and comfort him. “i thought that maybe you only kissed me because we were both drunk. or maybe you felt pressured to… i don’t know. it’s stupid.”

he shakes his head before looking down at his lap, wringing his hands nervously. this time, you actually do reach a hand out, your fingers resting atop his. his hands immediately still as he lifts his head to find your eyes. they’re completely vulnerable, all of his guards lowered around you.

“it’s not stupid. i didn’t feel pressured to do anything. i kissed you because that’s what i’ve wanted to do for a whole year now.”

sungho’s eyes widen at your words, his mouth dropping open a bit in shock. “a whole year?”

“sungho, i have liked you ever since that introductory art class in freshman year. i thought that you didn’t like me,” you finally confess. sungho frowns at your words, his fingers calmly moving to lace with yours. his hands are as soft as his gaze on you and you feel yourself settle at his touch, relaxing a bit as his thumb brushes against the back of your hand.

“i’m sorry that i made you feel that way. i just get really nervous when you’re around, as you can see,” he laughs, looking down at his bouncing leg. “i don’t know why it took me so long to say this, but i’m not going to wait any longer. my friend, taesan, kinda knocked some sense into me yesterday.”

you mentally thank kurt cobain, trying to conceal the sun-shaming smile threatening to appear on your face. sungho looks incredibly nervous as he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second—and when he opens them again, they drip with so much sincerity and affection, you feel all of the air leave your lungs.

“y/n, i like you. i like everything about you, and i’m sorry i’ve been such a coward this whole time. i guess i just never thought that someone like you, someone so beautiful, and talented, and sweet, would like someone like me,” he speaks, laughing a bit at himself at the end. you quickly shake your head, squeezing his hand.

“you’re also beautiful, talented, and sweet, though…” you mutter through a pout because—how could he ever think he was anything but all of the good things in the world! 

“i’m also an idiot for waiting this long,” he adds and okay, that you can agree with, but…

“i guess i am too, then,” you respond through a tiny smile. this moment is all you could’ve asked for. “sungho, can i kiss you?”

the words leave your slips before you can catch them, but sungho gives you no time to back track. with a small smile and a tiny nod, he reaches up to cup the side of your face and you get deja vu as soon as his skin touches yours. 

“please,” he whispers with pleading eyes.

you are so down bad, it’s insane.

this kiss feels like your first some reason; the your heart flutters as he delicately presses his lips to yours. now that you’re fully sober, you’re hyper aware of everything.his fingers tremble with nervousness and you smile into this kiss. there’s no reason to rush as you take him in, all of him, from his vanilla cologne, to his careful hands. 

his entire body melts as you rest a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat through the pads of your fingertips. you can’t help but giggle a bit as you feel just how fast his heart is beating, somehow even faster than last time. sungho slowly pulls away, looking at you with pink dusted cheeks.

“why are you laughing?” he asks cutely, cocking his head like a curious kitten.

“you’re just so cute. i can’t help it,” you smile before quickly pecking his lips again. sungho’s cheeks brighten at your words, reaching up to cover his face with his hands.

“you can’t just say things like that!”

“oh? i can’t?” you ask teasingly. he drops his hands and shakes his head at you with a pout. “what about if i were your girlfriend? can i say it then?”

“only if i get to be your boyfriend,” sungho says back, a tiny smile climbing onto his lips. you pretend to think for a second, tapping your finger on your chin.

“hm… sounds like a fair deal to me.”

“then a deal it is.”

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

“guys. guys. it was so amazing. we confessed to each other, and then we took a walk together and held hands, and then we got lunch together before his class, and then we…” you ramble on about your day with sungho as you sit with your best friends on a blanket in the field, sighing dreamily as you reminiscence about his soft lips and cute smiles. he’s so perfect, in every single way. you can’t believe you can call yourself his girlfriend now.

“were the flowers pretty?” yujin asks from where she’s laying on her back, looking up at the multi-hued sky. jaehyun chuckles from his spot in between you guys, his arms folded behind his head as his eyes follow a passing bird.

“of course they were! and they even���wait. wait… how did you know i was at the flower garden?” you ask, looking in between the both of them with accusation. they give each other another one of those classic communicating-with-eyes looks before turning to you with knowing smiles. “oh my god. you guys planned this, didn’t you?”

“yup! i perfected it last night,” jaehyun smiles, throwing an arm over your shoulder. "phase three? let nature take its course. i managed to get some help from kurt ‘taesan’ cobain yesterday.”

“you are actually insane,” you speak dumbfoundedly. there’s nothing else you can say though because at the end of the day, sungho is now yours and you are his. albeit, the way you got here was a little iffy.

“myungstein, i’m telling you. the nation’s #1 matchmaker,” jaehyun speaks cockily, folding his hands behind his head as he turns to you with a cheeky smile. 

“nope. still not calling you that.” you roll your eyes at his antics, but you can’t stop the smile from slipping onto your lips as the three of you watch the sunset. you’re content, the soft breeze drifting across your cheeks, the scent of vanilla and blushed cheeks soothing your mind.

｡‧˚🍞⭒₊˚🍎˚ · .

5:51 pm | weather: clear skies

dear diary,

park sungho is my boyfriend now :) <3 yay

reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated! thank u...<3 x

masterlist

[fallloverfic]

2024 April Fool's Day art for My S-Class Hunters by 비완

The manhwa artist for My S-Class Hunters made some April Fool's Day art: "This year's April Fool's Day, the S-Class turned back time too much." The head of storyboarding for the manhwa, serikachan, explained the different animal choices in this thread:

Machine English translation: "Have a good April Fool's Day! This year's concept is around the N years of the characters, but if I vaguely turn back time, it seems like there will be a time before the regression or a future where only [Yoojin] becomes a grandfather, and that was so sad that I turned it around too much [dinosaur emoji] I'm going to follow the thread of the reason why I matched each dinosaur.

[Sung Hyunje] is the world's strongest character at the time of the story, so he naturally became a Tyrannosaurus. I wonder if only Jo Gu can swing the chain with his front paw… Me: How many claws did the Tyranno have? Who gets angry if you get confused? Biwan: I need to put three conditions on Yujin, so I need three fingers. ??? : Oh shit!!! This is an Allosaurus!!!

Yoohyun is Dimetrodon. Dimetrodon looks like a dinosaur, but it is not actually a dinosaur. It often appears as a fire attribute in other media (Hellfire Dimetrodon in WoW too…), so I thought it would be the best fit. At first I thought it was Charmander, but I couldn't tell it apart from Irene. [laughing face emoji]

Yerim was torn between Spinosaurus, which is very strong and lived a semi-aquatic life, and Plesiosaurus, a plesiosaur, but went with the latter for a more intuitive visual.

In many works, Spinosaurus and Tyrannosaurus are often paired 1:1, so I thought about having Director Song, who is currently fighting [Hyunje] in the free game, take on the role of Spinosaurus, but I needed a dinosaur that would give a presence in the distance, so I decided on Brachiosaurus. It is done. Chew the lettuce well and enjoy the huge brachio song director…

Hyuna is a triceratops. The horns remind me of a giant spear, and while I was looking for information, I saw several Triceratops taking up a defense position, and it really suited Hyuna's situation in the early stages of her awakening. It had three horns and somehow even raised a spear with its front paws, making it an even more powerful and kingly aceratops.

Noah chose Pteranodon, a representative pterosaur, and Riet chose Deinosuchus, which is said to eat dinosaurs. It looked so natural that it seemed like it had been like this from the beginning… I'll be happy if you enjoyed it! I give my love to Biwan, who even drew dinosaurs under a tight deadline. [face holding back tears emoji]"

[lokislytherin]

IDEAS TO DROP BEFORE I FORGET THEM

1) teacher!seok x parent!jae

kind of inspired by this one wangxian au i read with a yuan being a preschooler but hyungseok is a primary school teacher, jaehye is The Problem Child (read: she never shuts up even when she's not meant to be talking) of his class of 7-8 year olds, jaeyeol is jaehye's older step-brother turned parent.

the jae sibs have a 20 year age gap so jaeyeol is around 28, jaeyeol's mom passed away years ago and he and kitae (blood bros) drifted away, hye is from another woman and after steve hong also passes away hye's mom is like Aight i do not want to deal with raising a child. and jaeyeol hates his father being absent all his life but he doesn't want hye to grow up in the foster system so he adopts jaehye even though he's a postgrad psych student (therapist jae!!! he doesn't talk much because he has the hex haywire voice and it's so deep it scares people but in reality it's just hot)

teacher!seok meets jae at a parent conference and he's like oh. Oh. this is the yeol-oppa jaehye adores so much. they start chatting purely bc jaehye is so chatty she's getting kind of behind in class and jaeyeol just sighs bc he's so busy at work he really wants to spend more time with jaehye but he doesn't have time and there's no butler in this au so it's just jae who's crazy busy and crazy rich by inheritance and hye who is a little demon and terrorizes every nanny bc she wants to spend time with her oppa!!

hyungseok is like if you don't mind... i could look after her until you finish work (school ends at 3pm, jae is a 9-5er) and jae's like Please. i'm so glad you said that

so they get a lot more private interaction time and they also coincidentally meet every now and then bc jaehye's harp class is close to the park where hyungseok walks his dogs so suddenly they have a whole routine where on the weekdays it's like

jaeyeol sends jaehye to school

jaehye picks jaehye up after work

sometimes hyungseok eats dinner with them bc hey, they're all going out to eat anyway, if nobody minds then they could all go together!

jaeyeol drives hyungseok home they say good night and they both kind of linger because nobody wants to say goodbye

and on the weekends it's like

jaeyeol sleeps in bc he finally gets a day off!!

jaehye smacks him until he wakes up bc wake up stupid oppa jaehye has harp class

jaehye goes to harp class and jaeyeol hangs out at a cafe and gets stared at for being the hot loner dilf sitting in the corner working on his computer

jaeyeol picks jaehye up from harp class

they meet hyungseok at the park bc he just finished going on a run with his dogs

they get lunch together because jaehye loves hyungseok's puppies LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE SO CUTE

jaeyeol's whipped the whole way through bc jaehye tells him Everything that goes on at school and he has never seen her so happy to go to school until her old teacher left and 'park seonsaengnim' took over as homeroom teacher and 'park seonsaengnim' is so nice to everyone and jaehye is actually Learning Things she just likes talking and when jaeyeol meets hyungseok for the first time he's already like Oh He's Hot

hyungseok doesn't realize he's pining until the very end where kouji's dad!gun (kouji is hye's classmate + 'archenemy') asks him out very bluntly and hyungseok's like wait. Wait. WAIT I'M SORRY I CAN'T ACCEPT YOUR CONFESSION I'M IN LOVE WITH JAEHYE'S OPPA

all the other parents (mijin and jinsung, sinu, etc) have a group chat without jae bc he looks so intimidating (the sheer businessman daddy energy is too strong) and they thought he and hyungseok had a Thing going on since the very beginning but no hyungseok is oblivious as hell and jae is shy as hell

2) winter olympics athletes au

if ao3 user agaybigay is here: hi. snowboarder jay go brr

in this au literally Everyone is there except for yujin's squad so you have

figure skating:

mijin + jinsung: pair skate, in love with each other but not dating, they've never medalled bc they're always 4th place, they beat japan's pride mitsuki and ryuhei out for third place in the fic

hyungseok: men's figure skating, aka south korea's national treasure, gold medalist

jaehye: women's figure skating, aka joy of south korea, youngest of the whole team

gun + dg: former multiple-time gold medalists, both retired now dg bc he didn't want to compete anymore and gun bc he injured his leg, they train the whole sk's figure skating team but mainly they just fight over daniel

gun used to compete for japan as yamazaki yuzuru but he moved back to korea to join korea team

snowboarding:

jae: silver medalist, the One Mysterious Guy who nobody knows anything about until his younger sister joins the team and she is number 1 oversharer. has a massive fanbase bc he's talented and his helmet hair is hot

haneul: gets a bronze medal in the year of the fic and it's her first medal, known for her very high jumps and flips like she's part of the sky

others

burn knuckles: luge. yeah. it was either this or curling and idk what's funnier actually

big deal + samuel seo: ice hockey, samuel is best attacker, jake is best defender, jerry is goalie, sinu is coach, lua is team manager

it's kind of like yoi with hyungseok pulling jaeyeol into a drunk pole-dance during the last national winter sports competition and jaeyeol being so gay for this gorgeous, sexy, absurdly flexible creature who fits against his body perfectly and hyungseok barely remembering anything bc he was so drunk he only remembers the person he danced with had warm hands and he remembers making a promise to that person but he doesn't remember what he promised

hyungseok has already admired jaeyeol for a while, jaeyeol is almost four years older than him here and it's jae-hyung's third olympics (he's 24 now and this is probably his last olympics), and hyungseok's always like wow... look at him... he's so cool 🥺🥺

they get to know each other as the olympics goes on bc they have to share the same hotel room, and ofc i have to bring the There Is Only One Bed trope in. they end up accidentally cuddling multiple times and then after watching jaeyeol snowboarding and ranking 1 hyungseok has a flashback like wait. Wait. he's the one i basically did a drunk strip-tease to. i promised him i'd kiss him if he won gold. he's now world champion. which means i have to kiss him. actually i have no problem with that

after jaeyeol wins gold they end up purposefully cuddling on the hotel bed. maybe they do Other Things too since the figure skating and snowboarding competitions are both over

3) he was a punk she did ballet but it's skateboarder hyungseok and ballet dancer jae bc hyungseok is too poor to afford after school clubs and jae is a rich boy forced to learn Rich Kid Things ie piano, ballet, violin, swimming, etc

[boysplanetrecaps]

Boys Planet, Episode 7 Recap Part 2: Law and Man in Love

Ok! It’s time to recap some more performances from the second mission of Boys Planet! In this recap, I’ll be covering the first two groups from episode 7 -- Law and Man in Love. Let’s do it!

Feel free to skip to 3:25 to get past the recap and teaser and the promise not to cheat. Our first team is…

3:25 LAW by Yoon Mirae and Bibi

The guys come out and say hello. Stylist noonas did ok here, though I don’t like the stuff tied around Zi Hao’s and Hanbin’s waists -- looks uncomfortable to dance in. 

As they’re introducing themselves, the judges talk about how it’s a team full of good dancers, and how Park Hanbin is a really tough leader. 

Just wanted to give Lee Yedam a little love. Look how cute he is!

The host asks Han Yujin what was the toughest thing about rehearsing, and it’s time for a flashback.

Just as a reminder, our team of lawbreakers is: 

Trainee name (rank)   Star Level test Challenge 1 age final star level

Han Yu Jin (4) Kick It /Backdoor - K / 15 ⭐⭐⭐

Park Hanbin (22) The Real /Hot Sauce - K / 20 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Wang Zi Hao (29) Veil /Kill This Love - G /21 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Na Kamden (31) Rush Hour /Backdoor - G / 21 ⭐⭐⭐

Lee Ye Dam (42) Gambler /Love Me Right - K /20 🌟🌟🌟🌟

When we last left them, they were a bit worried about who would handle the rapping, but they were confident that Kamden and Yujin could write the rap, while the other three would make up the choreo. 

Now it’s time for them to rehearse in front of the judges. We find out that Han Yujin couldn’t sleep the night before because he was that worried about which dance judge it would be. 

Look, I know it seems like I’m joking around about how much I hate that dance teacher when I draw horns and goatees and stink lines on him, but seriously, this is upsetting. Han Yujin has obviously been studying dance and performance for years, so he’s used to getting negative critique at least sometimes. But he’s only 15 years old, and this dance teacher has fucking TRAUMATIZED him. Yujin is outright terrified of him. 

When that abusive shitforbrains walks into the room, Yujin says, “my heart almost exploded” from fear. In fact, Yujin is so scared that his heart is pounding so hard that Kamden can feel it even through Yujin’s shirt and ugly windbreaker. (Lee Yedam, on the right, also looks pretty scared -- look at the set of his jaw.) 

This really isn’t cool. Hey dance judge? If you’re out there? Fuck you. Fuck you for traumatizing young adults or really people of any age. And for what? What was the point of it? It’s counter productive. Yujin dances better when he’s confident. Nearly all of these trainees already want to do well, so you’re not motivating them. Because of you, even amazing trainees like Yujin live in fear of being scolded. This is straight up abuse and I don’t know why it’s tolerated.

Ok. Deep breath. 

So the Law team is going to perform for the judges, and Yujin is on the verge of a panic attack, and it’s just his almost supernatural self-control that gets him through it. They perform well, and the judges say they do it really well, but encourage them to change it more to make it their own. The judges ask to see their original choreo, so Yujin has to show the choreo he made up himself. We also see Wang Zi Hao present his choreo, which is obviously very krump-styled and powerful, but we don’t linger over it because only Yujin gets a storyline. The dance teacher compliments them, and gentle happy music plays, like Yujin has triumphed over adversity, but like, he hasn’t. He just has been doing as well as he always has, and this time, the judge didn’t assault him. That’s not a triumph, that’s… absence of assault. 

The staff member asks him whether he’d rather have LipJ or Fuckface at his next training session, and he says the latter. And you might say, oh well if he wants to work with the psycho, he must like him deep down, right? But the thing is, there’s such a thing as a trauma bond. Children are often weirdly loyal to abusive parents, and many partners are loyal to domestic abusers. It’s a thing that happens, and doesn’t mean that abuse doesn’t also exist. 

We cut to the big group trainee self-eval show, and this time, Yujin sort of chokes and the whole team kind of falls like dominos. They get a lot of negative feedback and decide they have to work harder. So next we have a montage of them training like crazy, with the formerly blue-haired Park Hanbin pushing them to do the moves over and over and over. 

I’m trying to think why Hanbin’s methods work so much better than Matthew’s, and I think it’s because first off, because he isn’t following an abstract schedule he made up ahead of time. That’s important. But also, he always presents what they’re doing as something they’re doing because they all want to. It’s not him making them perform - it’s reminding them they they all want to do this, even if right now they’re tired. He also is pushing himself at the same time, and not micromanaging their every breath.  You’ll notice that the other trainees really respect and like him, and it really feels like the respect goes both ways. 

Performance

The original, on street man fighter 

The full cam 

This is a pretty great song -- if I were a dancer I think I’d pick this one.  

My Take

Well, that was great. Loved it. I even watched all five fancams! The flag thing was kind of unnecessary but really, it was great overall.

What’s kind of funny is that watching the full version, I think Lee Yedam stands out the most. He’s great -- he moves so well, with both power and lightness, it’s great. And obviously Wang Zi Hao is fantastic too, so much strength and agility, when the camera actually deigns to show him to us. But when I was watching Yedam’s and Zi Hao’s fan cams, I’d get distracted if Park Hanbin or Na Kamden came into frame. Especially Hanbin, who brings so much life and personality to his performance. I’m not saying that Hanbin is the best dancer in this group, but I’m saying that his fan cam is the most fun to watch of the five, and Kamden isn’t far behind. So yeah, it’s weird -- the full cam edit seems to favor Lee Yedam, but Park Hanbin and Na Kamden are waiting in the margins to steal your attention, like bias wreckers. As for Han Yujin, for me I guess he may have even been the weakest just because this song is powerful and he looks too reedy and young for it, to my eyes. But I still think he also did a great job, and his unexpectedly deep voice in the rap was a nice surprise. 

All five of them did a great job, really and truly. Yedam, Zi Hao, and Yujin brought it with the dance, Kamden did great with the rap, and dance and stage presence, and Hanbin had the facial expressions and leadership to bring it all together. So many talented trainees!! I would have pressed A for all of them. If I was only allowed to vote for one of them, I don’t know what I’d do. Cry, I guess. And then I’d probably vote for Lee Yedam because I think he needs the support the most. 

The Editing

Oh man, this is like, Yujin’s very own music video. Everyone was great, but it’s Yujin who gets most the focus and the instant replays. It’s kind of irritating, honestly. I like Yujin, and I’d like him just as much if MNET wasn’t focusing on him so much. I mean, even during Lee Yedam’s killing part, they focus on Yujin.Later on, when Yujin does that little kick move, with the breaking glass noise, honestly it barely lands in the full cam version, but they play it THREE times and show FOUR different reactions to it in the edited version. WHY? 

There’s also some focus on Hanbin throughout, in a way that also feels heavy handed. They also show this shot of a woman at 16:53 clearly shouting “Park Hanbin!” (You have to read her lips but it’s obvious.) 

They also focus way too long on Yujin’s ending fairy move that he apparently stole from Sung Hanbin. I DON’T CARE. Unpopular opinions: I don’t like ending fairies. I think it’s weird and getting weirder. Like, we’re just codifying Kpop performances so much that all these weird little aspects of them are getting more and more exaggerated. It’s like, Fisherian runaway selection or something, and it’s getting out of hand. But I digress.

The Voting 

So, the boys are waiting in the folding chairs of doom to find out who did the worst. Hanbin expects it to be him, but it’s poor Lee Yedam. He gets 608 votes, which seems to be a high score for the worst on a team, but obviously it’s not what he wanted. You can tell he’s heartbroken, and his team is astonished.

God, Yedam is trying to smile but he’s so devastated. It looks like Hanbin, left, is smiling, but trust me, he’s not happy that Yedam got a bad score. It’s an incredulous smile, not a happy one. Yedam interviews that he wonders if he doesn’t stand out on stage. Aww, Yedam!!   

I’m trying to figure out why audiences don’t really respond to Lee Yedam. Part of it might be that he’s largely been ignored by MNET all along. But I also think it’s because he’s kind of short. He’s 5’4 or 5’5, and that’s fairly short for a guy. It doesn’t bug me at all. I’m pretty short myself, and I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to be with a shorter guy -- physically, I mean. You can reach each other in the important ways. So, short girls of the world, give short guys a chance! 

But yeah, I am reluctantly coming to terms with the fact that Lee Yedam is probably not going to make it much further in this competition. That’s a shame. The guy is pure, 100% talent. 

So who won? Turns out it was Hanbin, with 757 votes. I mean, I get it. I also loved his performance, and he’s ranked reasonably high --22nd. Also, he did show his abs that time, and that might have moved the dial a bit. 

Everyone is really happy for Park Hanbin, especially Na Kamden, who graciously says he was really happy that Hanbin won since his leadership helped the whole team succeed. And again, the reaction of the other trainees tells you a lot about the kind of person Hanbin is -- it really seems like he's universally liked.

Hanbin, who in the past was a bit blustery about his talent, seems to have calmed down a bit and gotten a lot more humble. I think he was blustery before out of anxiety -- I bet he’s like me, calmer when he has a group of people to lead. He gets the last word: “To be on the stage, all five of us took on separate roles. And everyone played their roles well. I think all five of us did a really great job.”

20:24 MAN IN LOVE by Infinite

Huta calls up the next team and mentions that they’re even performing with a live band. The judges begin singing the song, and Onestar sings it in a particular way to mock Red House Jung Mingyu behind his back, so that’s… nice. 

They come up, and Huta asks Kim Tae Rae 💖what their goal is with the performance, and then this happens:

Backstage, the judges say, “Kim TaeRae used to be a really good singer,” and I’m like, “USED TO BE?”

It might be a translation issue, but I don’t think so. So, doobly doobly, it’s time for a flashback!

I’ll remind you that our men in love are: 

Trainee name (rank)   Star Level test / Challenge 1 /age final star level

Kim Tae Rae💖 (11) The Real /Back Door - K /20 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Jung Min Gyu (27) My House (Red) /Very Nice - K /23 🚫

Lee Dong Yeol (40) Who /Very Nice - K /24 ⭐

Choi Woo Jin (51) Nunu Nana /Hot Sauce - K /18 ⭐

They’ve elected Dongyeol their leader, probably because he’s a member of Up10tion (along with our now free-flying Lee Hwanhee). Their sitch is that Dongyeol is a decent singer but not fantastic; TaeRae is great; Mingyu is LOUD; and Woojin is sort of… lost.  

Flashback to first training session with the judges. Kim TaeRae 💖is so excited to train with Master Lee that he’s standing there smiling like this.

So they sing, and TaeRae 💖sounds fantastic, and Dongyeol sings… he sings fine, I mean he’s mainly a dancer in Up10tion. Mingyu is loud. 

Woojin’s rap is pretty bad -- it makes Anthonny make this face -- 

And it’s all what it is. Right? 

But no. The judges aren’t happy. 

That’s Bobby from Ikon the left, with a stuffed animal wearing a jacket that matches his jacket. Heck yeah, why not. 

If you don’t know, Bobby is great. Bobby’s been on ever reality show, he’s done all the things, he’s Bobby.  Ikon sings “Love Scenario” and “Killing Me” and is pretty great, though it sucks that they lost BI. Bobby is a genuine rapper, and he’s also a YG guy, so he got married and had a son and stuff and his agency didn’t even care. Maybe that’s his little son’s stuffie? Or maybe it’s his. Bobby don’t give a fuck. If you don’t love Bobby, you should, because he’s super talented and super sweet. 

Side note: we catch a glimpse of I-chan among the waiting trainees, with an eyepatch over his right eye. That’s, what, the fourth trainee on this show this season who had to wear an eyepatch? What is happening at MNET? Is the ghostly hand coming out of the cabinets at night to poke them in the eye?

When it’s TaeRae’s turn to hear from the masters, it seems that they’re criticizing the style of his singing, rather than the quality. They say he’s “pulling the sound back” which makes him sound too old, and elongating the sound a lot. I don’t understand what the criticism is about, but it seems that TaeRae understands. But I think he’s disappointed that he didn’t get praised. I’d feel like that too, in his shoes. When it’s the ONE thing you know you’re good at, it’s nice to get praised for it. 

Later, they find this poster in the hall:

The show is pixelating out who wins and loses, and I’m just giving you the direct translation I got online. I think “fodder” is a funny term for last place!

Anyway, we find out that team Man in Love is the “fodder” team and that Choi Woojin is the “fodder” member. (It’s also incidentally revealed the General Park Gunwook is the “first class member”.) The members of Man in Love are understandably a bit worried. But Dongyeol says that at least they had the lesson today to help them understand their problems so that they could work on them, and I think that’s a great way to look at it. Good job, leader Dongyeol! 

We see them rehearsing, and TaeRae 💖is trying to alter his singing style to sound lighter. We also see TaeRae helping Mingyu sing better, and Dongyeol trying really hard to try to help Woojin with his singing and rapping. 

Dongyeol is still helping Woojin later on in the dorms, with TaeRae assisting. 

Also, Dongyeol is still wearing the official pajamas! Cute. 

As we head into the performance, TaeRae’s voice over tells us that they still have a ways to go, but  they helped each and grew as a team, and he hopes they’ll have a good performance. 

The Performance

The original 

Man in Love came out in 2013, same year that gave us Hush by Miss A, Ringa Linga by Taeyang, Rum Pum Pum by f(x), I Got a Boy by SNSD, and Growl by some group called Exo. To me, it sounds more old fashioned than any of those songs do -- that’s not a criticism, just a comment. 

The raps:

Woojin

Every morning (yours), every time I think (my heart), 

you took a step closer (at your step), your scent penetrated before I knew it. 

Mingyu

Why are you so kind when you eat (when you eat), at night (when I sleep), it all starts with you

I froze up. The moment I saw you, I wanted you. Do you want to go to my house? 

Cute, Mingyu! 

My take

Well, you guys know how I feel about TaeRae💖.

It was both delightful and a tiny bit disappointing. Most of the time he sounded wonderful, but his high pitched ad lib sounded a little strained, as we’ve seen in his other performances. (But his falsetto oooh was lovely). I also think he might have been a little nervous because sometimes it sounded a little like he was running out of air, especially in the first few lines he sang. That isn’t to say he didn’t do well here, because he absolutely did. Like I said, a lot of the time he sounded amazing. And um, there’s this.

Even when he’s exhausted and having to hold that stupid ending fairy for ten minutes or whatever they have to do, he still looks like this. I can’t. 

Ok, there were other guys on this team, right? Well, there’s Dongyeol, who held down the fort as lead vocalist and leader. He did exactly what a lead vocalist should do. Red House Mingyu did a lot better than I thought he’d do, and was actually fairly on key, though it didn’t exactly sound good. He gave off a “someone’s uncle came up with the group” vibe. And poor Woojin. When he sang he actually sounded nice, but the rapping was unfortunate. I guess he kind of fell on his sword, because no one else in the group was willing to rap? I think he improved from when he first rehearsed in front of Bobby, but it still was pretty bad. Aww, poor guy. He’s not a bad singer, but oh boy does he NOT have a sense of rhythm.

If I had been voting, I would have pressed A for TaeRae and Dongyeol, but I think I would have had to press B for Mingyu and Woojin. I think that’s my first actual genuine press-B moment of these recaps. And of course if I had to pick a favorite it’d be TaeRae💖. 

The editing

Solji says that TaeRae sounds like Master Lee, and Master Lee kind of nods. 

When Mingyu sings, they show the judges kind of laughing, but in an approving way. Then when he raps “Do you want to go to my house?” of course they have to cut to blue house Bak Doha, and then get reactions from tons of other trainees.

We also see this blonde girl in the audience at least four times -- her sign says Kim TaeRae 김태래.(That thing that looks kind of like an H is an “ae” sound.) 

If a blonde foreigner likes him, shouldn’t YOU??????????????????

Afterward, the judges say that without TaeRae the team would have been in trouble, and repeat that TaeRae sounded like Master Lee. We don’t hear a kind word about Lee Dongyoel, which is a shame because he really did a good job doing the kind of thing he’d do in an idol group -- singing decently but not ostentatiously, looking cute, and being a good teammate.

Dongyeol interview that Woojin and Mingyu did well, and it’s true that they were on key and ok to listen to. Woojin actually sounded nice when he sang. 

The voting 

We cut to the crowded room with the folding chairs of doom. The first place got 740 votes, and of course it’s TaeRae💖.

Not a single person in the room or watching at home is surprised. I do want to know, though: who are the 100+ people who pressed “B” on his performance? Do they not have eyes or ears? Maybe they’re just the kind of people who hate everything, or are there to only vote for their single trainee they like, like maybe Ricky. (No hate to Ricky -- he seems like a sweetheart -- but his fans are a bit nutso.)

Lee Dongyeol interviews that he knew that TaeRae would win from the beginning. I like Dongyeol -- he seems to have his shit together as a person.  Mingyu says that TaeRae played the main role in the song, and thus deserved to win -- I think Mingyu is also a really decent fellow. TaeRae says he’s grateful that his team believed in him, and that he hopes he can join the next performance too. Naturally, we don’t hear from Woojin at all, because MNET hates him. 

And that’s the end of this recap! See you in the next one, when we cover Rush Hour. I’ve gotten the impression that Rush Hour is going to be a mess so… yeah!

Thanks for reading, and if you’re enjoying the recaps, and you want to, feel free to share them wherever you think you might reach people who’d enjoy them too. Or not, it’s fine. I’m glad you’re here. :) 

[razorblade180]

Interdimensional Moms: part 1

Intro <-

Yang:So how we doin this? Drawing straws or... well we actually don’t have straws here so-

Weiss:It’s obvious that you wanna go first.

Blake:Extremely obvious.

Ruby:All over your face.

Yang:Hey now, don’t call me out like that! We all have so much to sort out here. I don’t even know where to begin. Differences could start and stop anywhere for all we really know.

Blake:From what it seems, Beacon itself would have one or two minor changes, but the real changes start after the fall. At least, for you three that is.

Weiss:You saying you’re different?

Blake:Unless you three started going on dates with Jaune at Beacon, then yes, I’m different.

RWY:(They’ve been together that long!?)

Yang:Okay, starting from Beacon...nothing really stands out too much. Jaune and I were just friends. *cringes* Back then, a certain faunus caught my eye.

Blake:Ah...right. I guess that tracks in practically every universe.

RW:Oh yeah it does. You two are joined at the hip.

Yang:Haha, really? Glad to hear it. My Blake and I are best buds! Remnant has never seen such a dynamic duo! Can’t say it didn’t take a lot of time effort after a rough patch. We actually dated in my world.

Blake:Same.

Yang:What!? How long?

Blake:I don’t know, it was pretty on again off again.

Yang:Well for me it was after Haven. Both of us had gotten pretty serious. All the growing we’ve done together and apart had brought us closer. However, Adam unintentionally put a wedge between us. His attempt to change and the problems that came with it were-

Yang stopped midway and saw the confused faces of her otherworldly teammates. They were shocked, confused even. Especially Blake, who looked the most shocked of all.

Yang:Umm did I say something odd?

Blake:Adam, he...isn’t dead?

Yang:Oh, well I guess that’s the start of the major changes then. Blake and I fought Adam at Argus. Stabbed him through the chest and watched him fall down rocks into a river.

Ruby:That lines you with my world. Dude died that day. Like any normal person should.

Yang:Well Adam is anything but fucking normal. Man has the craziest luck. A young women, the winter maiden in fact, she saved his life. She’s not exactly normal either. The maiden, Jacquelyn, ended up sticking by him to see if she could change his ways. This naturally meant we’d run into them again. And that’s how things fell apart.

Blake:What do you mean?

Yang:You were fully committed to seeing if Adam could actually change. I wasn’t, so we constantly butted heads in any situation involving him. Then we would fight about things that had nothing to do with at all. Eventually, we broke it off. We remained on decent terms but I was pretty heartbroken about the disconnect. Enter our lovable blonde idiot. Jaune did everything in his power to cheer me up.

Weiss:Sounds like him. Always such a bleeding heart. That boy just can’t help himself. Let me guess, his kindness and concern made you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Yang:Hehe, guilty. It was more of his willingness to laugh at my puns. Jaune’s always been interesting to talk to. He tries to act cool and calm even though he’s terrible at it, then comes clean right after. Before I knew it I was telling him things I hadn’t talked about with people before. I could tell he looked at me like most guys do, but also genuinely wanted to listen to me. Talk about playing unfair; he got defenseless. Suddenly I was smiling again. Anytime with him was time well spent. Then one day, I kissed him.

Ruby:Happily ever after?

Yang:Not even close! Hahaha!

Weiss:Why do you sound proud?

Yang:It’s funny looking back at it to a certain degree. Gods, I was such a brat. More than a few fights are on me. Between Blake, Raven, and other experiences, my insecurities flared up in ugly ways over nothing. It even got us to break up too. I was officially done with dating. My Ruby was out in an uncomfortable position.

Ruby:I bet! I’d never want you two fighting. Especially in my world. Picking between the person I love and my sister!? I don’t know what will happen.

Yang:I kinda do. *sets up* You’d start dating Jaune because you’ve looked at him since Beacon. The two of you would confide in each other and share a special kind of love, but it would be bittersweet. All because your sister still pines for him and never met to make him leave, and Jaune never says it, but he hates how things fell apart. He’s faithful to you and would never do you wrong, a guy to truly cherish. So... you let him go. Watch him walk back to your sister like you asked, because my happiness was worth that much to you.

Ruby:....

Yang: In my world at least. Honestly it’s still the most amazing thing I’ve seen you do. We must’ve cried over that conversation for hours. I felt so guilty and you only smiled, hugging me tight. Jaune and I had a few more stumbles. Nothing serious though. Eventually we moved in together when the world was saved. You and Oscar got together officially which made me happy. Even made our weddings a competition of who’d make dad bawl his eyes out the most. You won by the way; Raven came back into our family and into dad’s arms. Last but not least I had a baby. Yujin Xiao Long, my fucking pride and joy from above.

Weiss:Wow, that’s a lot.

Blake:What am I doing? Did I marry Sun?

Yang:Yep. You and blondes Blake, I tell ya.

Weiss:Hold the phone! Who am I with!?

Yang:Pretty sure you’re technically single. Buuuut, Neo and your have gotten pretty friendly from what I managed to interrogate out of you.

Weiss:That’s, highly unexpected. For a number of reasons.

Yang:Better believe it. Besides Cinder, a few crazies, and Salem, a few people made something of themselves. Dying sucks after all.

Ruby:You have a dead Cinder?

WBY: You don’t?

Ruby:*crosses arms* Hmph, I’ll wait my turn. Yang, you said you’re the only mother from our team. If Blake and I have been married for quite some time then what, we don’t want kids?

The joyful sunshine from Yang slipped into grayer skies. Her smile faded and it increasingly got harder to look at this Ruby without thinking of her own.

Yang:Are you sure that’s something you wanna know? I’ll tell you, but I didn’t want to bring down the mood with the problems where I from.

Blake:Problems? How big of a problem.

Yang:The biggest we’ve faced. It’s...a lot.

Ruby:Well we’ve listened this far. *takes hand* Lay it on us.

Yang:Pfft, oh boy. So...umm...another secret war came up. One that caused us to leave our friends and family for over a decade.

Weiss:A decade!?

Blake:What gets worse after Salem!? Who tries anything after a grimm queen!?

Yang:So a majority of Remnant was still unaware of her, but a fight like that can only be kept under wraps so tightly. Plenty of people still learned fractions of the truth. A few of those people weren’t exactly nice guys. They idolized her efforts and became her followers that wanted to keep her will alive, starting with taking revenge on the people who defeated her. We were so unaware. So caught up in normalcy. They ambushed us, and I mean everyone. We...we didn’t come out unscathed. Ren was crippled badly. Weiss, you almost your brother. Jaune’s family got hit but thankfully lived. The real casualties were aimed to hurt Ruby.

Ruby:Oh, of course. S-So, either you’re about to say I had no time to start a family, or...

Yang:...

Yang:When I tell you the look you made when you learned what happened to Oscar, to Qrow... that’s the moment it felt like my little sister left forever. Till this day you don’t smile like you used to. Very recently, now that it’s finally over, you’ve started looking better, but those ten years were hell. We choose to go out and fight again, avoiding contact with family. I haven’t had a real opportunity to be in my daughters life.

Ruby:How old is she?

Yang:Sixteen soon. Left her when she was four so you know. *tearing up* I missed everything. Just about anyways. Ironically it was Raven and Adam that helped her through the years with Jaune and Dad. Eventually we came back and ooohh boy was Yujin not thrilled in the slightest. Hehehe. Her right hook is really strong. I only had about a week with her before things got complicated again. *wipes eyes* But it’s okay. We left on good term. Something I definitely don’t feel like I deserve.

Blake:I can’t believe a thing like that would be possible.

Yang:Cults are a huge problem in Remnant now. You’re definitely aware of that. You actually oversee a little group from the shadows to deal with them in secret. An idea you got from experience. Adam works for you and everything. Hate to admit, but he’s become the guy you wanted him to be. Even has a family. I’m grateful to him. He personally kept my girl safe.

Blake:To think I’d hear you say that. Now I know this isn’t my world.

Yang:Don’t get me wrong, I still will hit him if given the chance. My life hasn’t been charmed and sacrifices too great were happening way too many times but it finally has gotten to a point where everyone feels like we’re taking steps towards a better future.

Weiss:Moving forward?

Yang:Yes, I was trying to avoid the phrase but yes Weiss, we’re moving forward. Still... *looks at Ruby*....

Ruby:W-What?

Yang:It’s unreal seeing you like this. My Ruby has become so strong and endured but hasn’t really picked herself up completely. All her tragedy stemmed from the loss of Oscar and Qrow; her last talk with Oscar was fight about kids too. That’s the entire reason she went off alone in the first place. Looking at you I can’t help but question my own choices. If...I just let her stay with Jaune, then maybe-

Ruby:Nope.

Yang:Huh?

Ruby:Look, if I know anything about your world, then it’s gonna be me and I can tell you without a doubt your Ruby doesn’t blame or would consider her own happiness without you. She loved you enough to take the chance to find love again. You really think there’s anything you could’ve done differently at that point. That girl is as stubborn as they come! *smiles* So buck up cowgirl. You deserve it.

A sense of warmth came over Yang as she heard those words. This other Ruby smiled at her with the same love as her own; completely caring about Yang’s feeling before her own. Yang felt so...unburdened. She couldn’t help but cry a little, laughing softly as she did. Who would’ve thought love could transcend worlds? It was so vindicating, therapeutic even.

Yang:Ruby, you’re something else entirely, you know that?

Ruby:It’s my curse. All I ever wanted was normal knees but the world said “no, special eyes!”

Yang:Well I guess I should thank the world then?

Weiss:You said your Ruby is getting better? That’s good. Still, it must be pretty weird looking at Jaune. Can’t imagine how lonely it must feel losing a love twice.

Blake:It never numbs.

Yang:Geez you two, lighten up. We can’t all be depressed. Ruby also didn’t lose Jaune. Actually....there may or may not have been an interesting...arrangement for a brief period of time.

Ruby:Ehhh what?

Yang:Hehehe well, hahaha, ummmm a decade is a very long time without feeling any kind of pleasure in a bleak situation. And you know me, I have to share things with you all my life.

Ruby:OH MY GOD!!!

Blake:*grinning* Yooooo! You loaned out Jaune!?

Weiss:That’s....accurate; in a lot of ways.

Ruby:That’s so scandalous! How could you!?

Yang:I didn’t force it! I gave the option, you said no, then you changed your mind because things got real stressful. Like come on, a decade of death and loneliness.

Ruby:Sigh...yeah. I can see it. Still, it’s so filthy. He’s a married man. What, so I’d just look at you and say “Yang I’m gonna sleep with Jaune, don’t come in the room.”

Yang:....

Ruby:What?

Yang:....Nothing.

Ruby:Bullshit! What is it!?

Yang:*scratches head* Well, I was lonely too, and a week is only so long-

Weiss:Oh so it was a group thing!!?

Ruby:WHAT!?

Yang:Only sometimes!

Ruby:SOMETIMES!?

Blake:HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! THAT IS AMAZING!

Ruby:Why are you laughing!?

Blake:Because that’s just so extreme, and not, all at the same time. I could totally see that happening.

Weiss:Same. Dang, Jaune slept with sisters. That’s dangerously close to being like your dad.

Ruby:That’s different!

Blake:Is it though?

Yang:Eh, I don’t see the problem. We’re all grown and make choices. Plus I’m the one who guided you through awkward teenage changes. It not like we didn’t share a room for years.

Ruby:That doesn’t make it okay.

Yang:Eh debatable.

Ruby:*red* It isn’t though! How could I do something so bold!? So taboo!?

Weiss:It isn’t like you’re the one who did it. Just a version of you.

Ruby:Not better!

Yang:Awwww it’s okay Ruby. Let’s hug it out. Hehehe *opens arms*

Ruby:Don’t touch me!

Weiss and Blake laugh until their sides hurt as Ruby tries escaping the bear hug that terrorized her. Yang’s world found interesting for sure. Weiss finally decides to help Ruby out.

Weiss:Got a picture of Yujin?

Yang’s eyes lit up and pulled out her scroll. Her team huddled around her and collectively cooed like that parents they are at the sight of a blonde young girl with gorgeous blue eyes with a black combat school graduation cap and gown and a certificate proudly raised up high. If it wasn’t for those eyes and shoulders length hair, they might’ve mistaken her for Yang.

Yang:She’s going to Beacon early because she’s fucking awesome like her mom.

Ruby:I think you mean her aunt?

Yang:I know what I said.

Weiss:I bet she’s just as hardheaded.

Blake:What do you think your kid is up to right now?

Yang: Well...*smiles*

xxxx

The girl in question sat at a work bench with oil on her face and her hands busy tinkering with gauntlets. She looked over at blueprints in a journal. If they were right, then she was definitely doing something wrong. How her mother made something so complex was crazy!

Yujin:Come on Yujin. You can fix a car, making gauntlets into a sword that don’t break should be easy!

Footsteps came up from behind her and a plate stacked with sandwiches. She looked up and smiled at her dad that gave her a wink, then kissed her forehead.

Jaune:Haveing fun, you grease monkey.

Yujin:Jokes on you, I like monkeys. Just a few more attempts and I’ll have the coolest weapon in Remnant. That entrance exam is as good as aced.

Jaune:Not if you don’t have a landing strategy. Tomorrow we’re going on a trip.

Yujin:Does it happen to be near a cliff?

Jaune:Who can say? Rule one of being a huntsman, be prepared for everything.

He ruffled her hair and left, laughing evilly. Yujin could tell he’s been waiting for this day. She pulled out her scroll and searched through a collection of videos labeled “mom” and found a super early one. She hit play and watched her mother give a peace sign to the camera as trees increasingly got closer from below.

Yang:Beacon rules!!!! Wooohooo!

The camera flipped and focused on a familiar blonde flailing through the air like a doll in the distance.

Yang:Oof, hate to be that guy! Wait, that’s vomit boy! Hahah, hope he survives. He owes me shoes. Poor dude. I guess he needs more training in flirting and landing. Wait, eugh I think he barfed again! Hahaha!

Jaune:Stop watching that one!!!!

Yujin:Hahaha but it’s the best one. The ending is priceless.

Jaune: *walks back down*

Yang:Well if he survives this I guess I can off him at least I can offer him mints and company. Fake it to ya make Jaune. Between me and Ruby, at least you’ll look like a player. Heh, nah, I don’t think I can support a bunny onesie.

Yujin and Jaune:*grinning* And then she did! *high-fives* Arc charm, baby!

[myonlyaurora]

Choices & Chances

Chapter 2:

| Character list | prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Jiseul's POV

"TAP OUT! I TAP OUT! STOP APPLYING PRESSURE ,THAT SHIT HURTS! I'M OUT!"

"STOP! Jiseul wins this match." Jongho announces.

Claps and whistles surrounded us ,they must have surely enjoyed watching.

"And that's how a real match should look like. Do not hold back at all. Alright ,it's 6pm now ,go and get ready for the party."

And with that ,everyone started to disperse to prepare for the party.

On the entire way back to our rooms in the pack house ,Mingi kept trying to divert my attention by bringing up different topics.

"Ooo ,look! There's a butterfly!"

"Stop trying Mingi..." I said.

"Please Jiseul ,I really don't want to confess...her birthday is next week isn't it? She'll most likely reject me because she may find her mate then..."

I pretended to be in deep thought.

"Please please pleaseeee...I'll owe you one ,I'll do whatever you want me to do."

"Alright ,you said it yourself Mingi ,you owe me one"

"yes! Thank you!" He said while showing me puppy eyes.

I could only laugh at his antics. He was such a softie despite looking so intimidating.

"See you later! And don't take too much time trying to decide your outfit " Mingi screamed across the hall way and slammed his door shut.

"SONG MINGI!"

Thankfully there was no one in the hallway listening to our conversation. I quickly walked to my room and closed the door.

You and Wooyoung better keep your guard up

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

By the time I was done showering and applying makeup ,the party was in full swing. I could hear music blasting from the back of the pack house and people chattering.

"JISEUL!"

I turned and saw Yujin and Jihyo waving. I walked over to the table and sat.

"So are you eggcited for tonight?" Jihyo said while wiggling her eyebrows.

I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"Oh my ,feels hot doesn't it? I'm going to get some drinks ,do you guys want some?" I said before quickly walking off to the food table.

"It's so rare to see her so flustered!" I heard Yujin say before their laughters followed.

Aish ,those girls.

The night went on as more wolves joined our table and games started. The boys were doing shots to see who had the highest alcohol tolerance except for Wooyoung and Yeosang who were listening to a partially drunk me ramble about how school sucks and how some boys are dicks.

“I feel so bad for her. She genuinely loved him and yet he still cheated on her. Can’t y’all just control your dicks?”

“Hey! We’re not —“

“I was so ready to bring a pair of scissors to school to cut off his dick for her. Poor girl. I would have castrated him if I were her. Why do people even do—”

EVERYONE , THEY'RE BACK!" a voice shouted ,interrupting my sentence.

I could hear whistles and cheers erupting. Wolves were racing to the front yard ,eager to see them after so long.

“Alright let’s go let’s go!” Wooyoung said while lifting my head up off him. I could tell he and Yeosang were eager to leave ,probably scarred after hearing me ramble.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

By the time we reached the front ,the first car had already rolled up. I couldn't see who had gotten off as everyone was crowding around them and my petite frame did not help at all in these kind of  situations.

"Wow...grew so much...more muscular...feel safe that he's our beta..."

My ears perked up at that.

Beta? Did I hear that correctly?

I started to push my way through the crowd ,eager to confirm what I had heard.

"Seonghwa!" I shouted while running. He turned behind and his face lit up when he saw me.

"How's my little sis been doing?" he said while we hugged each other tightly.

"I'vebeendoingfine...howaboutyou?" I said ,my voice being muffled by his shirt as I buried my face in his chest.

No words can describe how much I missed him. My sidekick ,my protector ,and my best friend as well.

“I’m good. Finally feel more ready to take over the beta position now.” he replied. I smiled in response even though he couldn’t see it. I am so proud of him.

I felt Seonghwa burying his nose into my hair and my clothes so I looked up.

Did I stink or something? But I just showered...

Seonghwa lifted his nose up into the air ,sniffing it.

“What’s wrong hwa?” I said.

“I don’t know...” he trailed off ,eyes focused on something behind me. I turned behind to see Jihyo standing a few metres behind ,staring at him wide-eyed. I looked back at Seonghwa to see staring too.

“Mate...” I heard him breathe out. I was confused for a moment when it finally dawned on me that they were mates.

“I...will...leave y’all to it” I said before quickly rushing off to stand beside Wooyoung. Seonghwa walked towards Jihyo and engulfed her in a hug of which she returned the gesture too. Everyone around us started cheering and clapping.

“Oh my Gosh” I said ,still trying to get around the fact that they are mates. “I am so weirded out that my best friend and brother are mates...” I said to Wooyoung.

“You’ll get used to it.” he replied while laughing.

I sighed and leant onto him while his arm wrapped around my waist ,enjoying the warmth he provided in the cold night.

“Hey Wooyoung”

“Hmm?”

“Did you apply cologne?”

“No I didn’t. Why?”

“There’s like this really nice scent in the air.” I said while sniffing the air ,trying to find out where it came from. I left his side ,pushing my way towards the front of the crowd once more since the scent seemed to be coming from there.

“Wait for me Jiseul!” he called after me.

I could feel my wolf stirring in me for some reason. It was very rare that I felt her. We were on good terms just that we weren’t really any interaction between us compared to how others were with their wolves.

I stood at the front of the crowd ,staring into the eyes of a person. The only person who could make me feel butterflies...the only person who could see through me...and...the only person...whom I had been waiting for.

“Mate...Hongjoong...” I breathed out. He started to walk away from whoever he was talking to and towards me. I felt butterflies in my stomach. By now everyone was watching the interaction between us ,happiness and excitement lit up on their face.

He stretched out his hand and sparks flew the moment our fingertips met. He engulfed me in a hug while burying his face in the crook of my neck.

“Jiseul...I told you didn’t I?” he whispered softly. I could only hug him tighter in response ,I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I was going to cry from happiness and relief.

We were in our own world ,enjoying each other’s presence and warmth after 5 years of separation. He said he would come back but what he didn’t know was that that only applied for Beta’s. Alpha’s weren’t allowed to return home ,he hadn’t read the letter carefully. You could say I was devastated when I found out.

I could hear people congratulating us and saying that they wouldn’t have to worry about the future for we would have “strong pups”. They must have caught on after all.

I was so caught up in the moment that I hadn’t realised that another figure had appeared in front of us until people started to hush down and whisper.

“Who’s that?”

“A friend?”

“But why would she be crying and staring if she was a friend?”

“From happiness?” But she doesn’t really look happy though...”

I felt Hongjoong’s body tense up as he hugged me tighter but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I tiptoed to try and catch a glimpse of that person.

“Joo...Joongie?”

Maybe I should have listened to Yunho after all...

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Ok honestly ,is my writing too long-winded? Because I feel that way after looking at the word count😬

And my writing seems to be getting worse omg

I would really appreciate some feedback 🥺

[fmdyujinarchive]

fmdmeme002 — compilation.

1. what is your goal for this year/next year?

it’s a fairly common question that yujin’s been getting a lot since 2020 started. her goal hasn’t changed much, and she’s pretty sure her korean fans are all aware of it at this point. “more korean promotions! as a group and not just me. we really appreciate all the love we get from all around the world, but i think some domestic promotions as a group would be nice. maybe also two comebacks in a year?” she eyes her manager who’s hovering over her and giggles in hopes to ease the tension, sending off the fan with a wave.

2. what song would you want to sing to or play for someone you like?

“do you like someone?” yujin’s teasing the fan in front of her because it’s one of their pre-debut fans, someone she’s seen around. “from the way the question is phrased, i’m guessing it’s someone you like but you aren’t really with. am i right?” the fan nods, and yujin can’t help but laugh. she finds the whole situation cute, and she’s happy her fan finds her comfortable enough to confide in her. “how about bolbbalgan4′s some? it can work as a sort of confession song!”

3. what’s your favorite scent?

”i’m a big fan of flowery scents! i think a lot of my perfumes are sort of rosy smelling. but you know what’s really nice? the smell of laundry that’s just been folded. or maybe that’s just the smell of detergent? i pick our detergent so that makes sense, right?” 

4. if you spent one day with a fan, where would you go and what would you do?

”i have always wanted to go on an amusement park date with our fans! wouldn’t that be so much fun! i absolutely love roller coasters, and all the attractions that an amusement park has. the parades that they do for special occasions! even the expensive food! it would be absolutely marvelous, don’t you think so?” 

5. what new concept do you want to try showing fans?

yujin liked to think that element was quite diverse with their concept despite popular belief. sure, some of their songs had similar vibes behind them, but they weren’t exactly the same concept. “as element? i think another suit and tie concept would be nice. we never got to perform don’t recall which i think was the closest we had to that concept so going back to that would be nice.” 

6. which girl group do you like the most recently?

”everybody knows i love aria sunbae-nim a lot!” she clapped her hands together at the thought of her favorite seniors. “lost n found was so amazing and so was wag-zak! i had the best time performing mr. chu back at our gold star nation concert. i’ll practice a few of their songs again and try to upload them for our aether!” 

7. which boy group do you like the most recently?

now here was the trick question. she had it a little easier than other girl groups because of her own male members. people didn’t seem to find her a threat for some reason. it was odd, but it meant that she could be more expressive with such questions. “it’s not because they’re from the same company, but origin sunbae-nim are all so talented, and they’re breaking records! i think that’s really admirable.” 

8. what soloist do you like the most recently?

”our very own @fmdjoosung​! nobody else competes with sung oppa,” she commented. when the fans gave her a few thumbs down, stating how that was a boring answer, she huffed and crossed her arms across her chest. “what do you mean boring? sung oppa is my favorite soloist and always will be. or at least until @fmdsohyun​ makes a solo debut.” 

9. what song have you been listening to a lot that you would recommend to fans?

”it’s weird, but i’ve been listening to songs that i practiced as a trainee again! there’s so many, but for some reason i’ve had lipstick sunbae-nim’s heart attack stuck in my head! so that’s something i’ve been listening to a lot. you all probably know the song because it was so popular, but i recommend you go back and listen to it again! watch the music video too!” 

10. what is your most used app?

she looks down at the sticky note, and its choices. it’s filled with the typical: instagram, kakaotalk, melon, twitter or other. yujin does update instagram a lot, but she’s not sure if it’s her most used application. she ignores the sticky note at first, making conversation with the fan instead, but when it’s time for her to move along, she finally makes her decision. there’s a circle around kakaotalk by the time she’s moved onto the next member. 

11. what should someone do to win your heart?

”sing me a love song!” yujin laughs while leaning over to grab the fan’s hand. “i’m kidding. that’s a little cheesy, but i don’t think i’d mind it?” she sits on the question for a while. “just be truthful and express all your love! that’s more than enough for me!” 

12. what do you want for your next birthday?

she knows that what she answers is most likely what she’ll be getting. however, she didn’t really want fans spending money on her for her birthday. “just lots of love! and hugs! and maybe some kisses from my members!” she laughs before waving off the fan and greeting the next one.

13. what do you consider to be your most charming feature/trait?

”don’t i have a pretty smile?” as if to prove her point, yujin puts on the biggest smile she can manage. it’s the first part of her face that she could think of that she doesn’t even consider personality traits. “i’ve also heard that i’m fun to be around. i think that counts as a trait?” 

14. what is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

yujin’s a simple girl. she pretty much likes any flavor and will take anything. “i like chocolate and vanilla swirled together! is there a name for that flavor?” her burrows come together in curiosity, but the fan doesn’t seem to know it either. “anyway, i think there might be, but yeah, that’s my favorite flavor!” 

15. how should i ask out the person i like?

”just be straight up about it!” terrible advice, but there wasn’t all that much time. plus, it’s not like a high school student had any other options. “tell them you like them! ask them to a movie or maybe to a snack date. get ddeokbokki and maybe patbingsu even though it’s a little cold. that’s a cute date idea!” 

16. what’s the secret behind your good looks?

the question immediately makes her laugh. it’s cheesy questions like these that make her ecstatic for fan signs. she wonders how fans come up with such questions. “love yourself!” she said also writing it down on the page that she was signing. “you know what they say? your inner beauty shines through all the time. so stay true to yourself.” 

17. what do you think of fans of the same gender as you?

yujin adored all her fans. however, she thinks the female ones are a little more special. they seem to be more expressive with their love in ways that make her happy. male fans usually screamed to show their love, but female fans would send her long messages or letters. they’d make sure to ask about yujin’s well being first. “i adore them. they truly make me smile all the time.” 

18. what is the most recent thing that made you happy?

she had just finished wrapping up filming for school 2017, and that was definitely a happy experience. but she thinks it sounds too personal. too non-element related. but it’s not like she had anything element-related to tell her fans. “we had really good chicago pizza when we went to chicago! it was delicious!” 

19. what is your happiness level these days on a scale from 0 to 100?

yujin realizes that questions like this can be misinterpreted. she could give a high number, and they’d accuse her of being fake. if she gives a realistic number, then her fans would worry. so she scribbles down 99, and then writes a +1 whenever i see you! that seems like a cute enough answer that won’t worry anyone.

20. can you give some inspiring words for someone going through a hard time?

yujin wishes she could have the right words to say. she’s good at comforting people through physical touch: hugs, back rubs, things like that. but she never seems to have the right words to say. what would be inspiring for yujin when she was going through a hard time? looking down at the note, she writes down: always stay true to yourself. even if this doesn’t work out, at least you tried, and you fought. that’s what matters. 

21. what words of advice would you give to someone studying for their college exam?

yujin never took the exam. she graduated high school, and then that afternoon she went straight back to practicing. she doesn’t even remember doing too well in school. it was good enough if she showed up. “just remember that you’re smarter than you think you are! you’re going to do great, and all your hard work is going to pay off. i believe in you.” 

22. give yourself a percent ranking from 0 to 100 in the following categories: cute, cool, and sexy.

at first, she doesn’t see the note because she’s too busy talking to her fan. when her attention is brought to it, she tilts her head to the side. “i think i’m definitely a 100 in cool,” she jokes. she writes down 90 for cute, 60 for cool and then 80 for sexy. element’s concepts were always pretty strong and sexy, and she thinks she does her part pretty well. 

23. what place do you want to travel to the most?

element’s been to a lot of places around the world already, and so yujin can’t seem to think of a place. “singapore? we’ve been there before, but we didn’t get to travel! i remember it being a beautiful country though, and i’d love to go back! you know, actually explore the place a little more.” 

24. what language would you like to learn?

”i feel bad whenever changyu oppa has to translate for me so definitely english! but i’m already trying! it’s just hard.” she pouts because truthfully, she has stopped trying. learning languages was difficult, and she could speak a decent amount of japanese. that was easier to learn than english. it was the pronunciation that always got her fumbled up. 

25. what is the first thing you think of when someone mentions your fans?

”how supportive they are! how much love they always send to us! how they’re always anticipating our new music. oh i could go on and on!” she truly could. yujin’s love for their fans was one of the most genuine feelings she ever felt. 

26. what is your favorite movie/book you’ve seen/read recently?

yujin hadn’t read in forever. she’s picked up a few essay books, but she couldn’t find one interesting enough to finish. a lot of books were supposed to be about self loving or teaching yourself life lessons. she thought those were boring, and not something you could learn from a book. “to all the boys i’ve loved before! it was so cute and really cheesy, but still cute. it was a high school romance movie so it just had to be cheesy.” 

27. what are your recent wishes?

she’s not sure how truthful she could be. her biggest wish is for all the individual recognition that she’s been getting to go onto element. she didn’t want to lose her group, but she feels like at this pace, group promotions may continue to be pushed back. that’s the last thing she needed. “for everybody to be healthy! and safe. and happy.” she states all while writing it down on the heart-shaped sticky note the fan has provided. 

28. what are the requirements for your ideal type?

”it’s changyu oppa, of course!” it’s a running joke within the fandom. whenever someone asks for her ideal type, she’s answered her own group member. it was a safe answer, and everybody always took it as a joke, and yujin liked it that way. “don’t tell sung oppa though. he might sulk again!” 

29. what job would you want if you weren’t an idol?

yujin’s one of those people who can’t imagine her life as a non-idol. this is what she was born to do. “i’m not sure. i think i could make a good kindergarten teacher though, what do you think?” the fan nods, and she thinks it’s a good answer for something that just popped into her head. “i can’t imagine myself as anyone other than element’s yujin though.” 

30. what is a hobby you’d like to pick up?

“i think i’d like to try snowboarding! i’m so used to water sports, but i don’t think i’ve ever gone snowboarding before. it looks like a lot of fun! i think i’d fall on my butt a lot, but that’s all part of the learning process! maybe i’ll try it when we have some time off.” 

[briee-elle]

4419

era: 1 the early tumblr/stay days

These are the special people who were there from the VERY beginning.. like April 2018 onwards.. these are the people who have stuck with me for a year and I really really appreciate you! This is in chronological order by first follower to most recent

@actuallysupernaturally you've been following me for so long I don't even remember when we started… it was like back in the haikyuu/yoi ages THANK YOU! hope you’re feeling well!!

@finnigan your art is really stunning, also the first person I commissioned! And it turned out so pretty. Thank you so much for being there from the start, hope college and everything is treating you well!

@deathandgeology Xander! When I first saw your art I was amazed! The colours and the personal touches always made it look so fluid. And I must say you're my first stay friend who would talk to me about skz and other things, I know you always try your best and I want to you to be happy in life! Always

@jal-hago-isseo Ellie! The gorgeous sunshine who left the kindest and most supportive tags in almost all of my art, someone who I know has my back. Your constant support has really helped me grow as an artist! and you know I could talk forever to you hehe

@woojinloveschicken OOHHH Yujin ahahaa I was so intimidated by you at first because remember when Woojin stans kept demanding ppl to stop sleeping on him and yeahhh… well you turned out to be super kind and hardworking and all the intimidation is gone .. Poof

@stray-lids :> I followed you very early on and tbh I kinda forgot why but I hope you have a wonderful dayy! 

@stray-kids-stuff the first reason I followed is because "bang chan's burrito" was such a funny tagline and I have no idea why, but you're more than that, you're an amazing artist and someone who deserves all the love in the world

@this-isnt-sugoi I see you guy in my activity box a lot and I really appreciate it, whether you are liking things or reblogging them it makes me feel like the stuff I put on this blog is good

@xiaomao-mao XIAO!! Remember when you drew that geometric felix? That's what hooked me, your art was sooo varied and diverse I just wanted to see more. And now you found your style and I am so glad you're happy and comfortable~ well done!

@stray-kids-dork ahhh I remember following you and then.. I had to say goodbye to the mutual because I was swamped with too much content. I loved that you didn't mind and you were always so nice about it!

@indiepoptime ooohhh danng your art? That's the good stuff! Really unique and the painting style is very cool!! Thanks for drawing Jamie from her cb

@weetaliix I remember seeing you in my activity and I just really like your url, I don't know you very well but I hope you know that I like it when I see you in my activity

@jozolotle1 :D I still don't know how to spell those funky lil animals but I think you're a great person and I just want to keep cheering you and your art on! Sydney squad yay!

@angelhyunjin ANGI omg you know, right? Your art is AMAZING, and your style makes everything you draw so soft and warm and I just love seeing skz smile brightly through your art. You're also an amazing dancer and super nice to the people around you! I can't wait to meet you irl

@printerppr Syaza!!! I remember you asking me about the skz inktober and to put it on amino and THANK you so much for talking to me that time because I've loved talking to you ever since. You are one of the smartest and most talented people I know. Your theories never disappoint and your art … GOALS

@xtellasilver ooohhh whenever you reblog things from me I get so happy!! Cause I would end up seeing it on my dash and be like, hey that looks familiar! I hope you're having fun doing what you're doing :D

@benedict-cumbersomerobes AHAHAHA EM you know your URL is what made me curious to first check out your blog? Well you're a great person and I remember talking to you a lil bit through asks back in the days. I hope you're enjoying college and also that BTS book. It's a shame I don't really follow MX otherwise your blog would have been amazing for me

@italianpotatoe Hello!! Remember how we talked about art school and currency and house prices in italy and sydney? Ahaha that was fun! Are you well?

@incoyableu wow you know you are one of the first people who drew something 'in my style' whatever that means. I really admire your art and thank you for supporting me so much

@spookyowlbee and @hakkatama your art is amazing and tho I don’t know you guys too well I love your art so much <3

@lee-seulbi you are one funky and friendly lil bundle of joy! Thank you for sticking around and I love seeing your asks/likes

@sooniedoongiedori OMG CLAUDIA you snatched this URL?? Ahaha well done~ anyways I started following you because of the Aussie Stay series. It was super cool and you just kept giving, amazing stories and amazing content. I love your sense of humour too! Welcome back to tumblr

END of Era 1

[12moonas]

Debut Concert Notes

It’s late and I’m super tired so I’m just gonna write everything down super quick, if it’s a little disorganized I apologize!! also it’s super long lol

OKAY, so first of all, THE Yujin of bbc was sitting in my section and everyone was going crazy, she’s super pretty and very nice, she took pics with a few fans

the concert started with a fancy vcr thing featuring all the members, but the music was SO LOUD so i was a little distracted trying not to die and didn’t pay much attention to it

but THEN THEY WERE THERE THE QUEENS THEMSELVES IN ALL THEIR GLORY!!!  I was sitting kinda far back, but the venue was still very small so I could see fairly okay

they IMMEDIATELY started performing favoRiTe and they S L A Y E D, they really are as powerful in person, i cannot believe.  they were wearing the school uniforms from the mv

when that song was over they went straight into performing one of the songs on the new album (idk which but it was hecka good)

after that was a talk time and they are so amazing, I love them so much.  they kept interacting with the audience, and you could tell how happy they were

once they all left, thery played the trailer for 1/3 and then heejin performed vivid.  she wasn’t live-singing, but still performed SO well, and goodness it was amazing

then hyunjin came out and they did I’ll Be There together, it was SO cute (lip-synced)

and then, and THEN!  Haseul came out and they all three did LOVE LETTER AND I DIED IT WAS SO GOOD AND THEY WERE STANDING ON CHAIRS,  AND THIS ONE WAS LIVE SINGING

next came my glorious queen herself, ViVi, and they performed the remix version of Love&LIve, wearing the outfits from that one leaked video of it!  (they were also wearing these outfits during the other songs)

then they talked for a while and interacted with the audience, they are all so wonderful holy cow

then Valentine Girl played as they walked around the stage, tossing things to the audience (i was to far away to tell what it was, maybe chocolate?  hyunjin said she wanted to eat chocolate, and it would make sense with the song)

after that they left :( :( :(

but THEN they played the trailer for oec and ‘twas beautiful

then, we were all shooked by CHOERRY performing LCM!!! THE SONG ITSELF!  sHe was AMAzing and baUTIful!!  i want that purple dress so bad

tHEN we were killed ONCE AGAIN by Miss Lip performing Eclipse with the silkiest images of an eclipse palying behind her, it was a life changing moment

and THEN was singing in the rain, and jinsoul RAPPED THE RAP LIVE!!! THE OTHERS HAD BEEN LIP SYINCING AND SHE HAD BEEN UP UNTIL THEN BUT THEN SHE DID THE RAP LIVE!! i died

then they all came out wearing these awesome black outfit things (that kim lip and jinsoul had worn for their solos) and talked for a wile, the were so cute, esp choerry

they came up to the closer stage and bLEW EVERYONE’s MINDS by performing ROSY wITH MIC STANDS!! I DIED!  AGAIN!!! AND THIS SONG WAS ALSO LIVE-SUNG

then they went back to the back stage and performed Girl Front, the only song i knew the fanchant to, lol, but it was so good!  I was so proud!!

then we got a fancy, new vid played that ended with a ? and we were all like tf? unTIL little miss YEOJIN appeared and performed KISS LATER, BOP OF THE CENTURY!! i love my firey frog princess

but then she just left? and i was like??? 

UNTIL VIVI WAS THERE AND MY HEART INSTANTLY EXPLODED AND SHE PERFORMED EVERYDAY I LOVE YOU AND IT WAS SO GOOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND WOULD GIVE HER THE WORLD IF I COULD AND THEN YEOJIN APPEARED AGAIN AND COVERED HASEUL’S RAP AND THEY FINISHED THE SONG TOGETHER, IT WAS AMAZING!!!

and then that’s when they talked.  vivi’s korean is SO GOOD!  I”M SO PROUD!! yeojin accidentally called vivi haseul at one point, and then we learned that vivi’s mom was in the audience, and she was in MY SECTION TOO!!! AMAZING!!!  so  in other words i met my mother-in-law today

then we got the teaser for yyxy and were all blown comPLETELY away by Chuu performing Heart Attack!!! SHE IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE!!! She did SO good!!  (purple plaid outfit)

and then Yves performed New and she KILLED IT!  SHE KILLED US ALL!! that girl is so powerful, i was surprised, she also kinda gives me sunmi/chungha vibes?? but she live-sang some of the last parts of her song and Slayed. she was also wearing THAT outfit from the mv

then!  Gowon appeared in the audience and started singing You and Me Together!! and then Olivia joined her on the other side of the audience and joined in!  They were both live-singing!!  they made it to the stage together and were completely cute in every way

then they all came out and talked, interacted with the audience a TON, and then did Love4eva, which was amazing to the T

then they talked and interacted more and then did Frozen, with live-singing!! there was a cool castle snowglobe clock thing on the background

and then they played a SUPER cool vcr with clips that I assume will be from the mv?? and it was set to fairytale, super cute, i loved

AND THEN THEY WERE ALL THERE AGAIN, SITTING IN THEIR UNITS BUT ALSO AS A WHOLE AND THEY LIVE-SANG ONE OF THEIR NEW SONGS (not sure which, but it was a ballad) and vivi had TWO WHOLE LINES ALL TO HERSELF I’M SO HAPPY my girl did so gOOD!! they were wearing these nice white outfits

then they talked for a bit, and since it was Haseul’s birthday yesterday, the members surprised her with cake!! she was so surprised!!! (and a lil confused at first lol) and we all sang to her!!!! <3 <3 <3

and then they performed another of their new songs (i know this one!  it was Perfect Love!! it was wonderful!!)

and then they ran off stage, BUT there were these things that had been sitting on our seats when we came in with instructions on the back, and so we were all shouting encore (sounded like ankle with the korean pronunciation) for five-million years until they came back out (wearing an outfit from the mv tomorrow!!) and performed Hi High!!! ‘twas amazing!! Vivi had a line to herself, Olivia had another killing part, i really liked it!

and then we held up the signs!!!!! they read “From my head to my toes, I’ll give you it all, even my heart”  (line from favOriTe)

and then they talked and expressed their gratitude for orbit and how they were so glad to finally be debuting. yves stuck confetti to her face to look like tears but half of them (heejin, olivia, yeojin, vivi, chuu, haseul, hyunjin) were having trouble speaking bc of either trying reaaalllyyy hard not to cry, or actually crying <3 <3  (esp heejin and olivia).  i also cried.  it was a great time all around.

then, they had to leave :( :( :(  

Overall, I can’t believe any of that actually happened.  I saw them live??? foreal?????? i wasn’t dREAMING?????????????????????  hhhhnnngggg i must be in heaven.

other notes i would randomly add are:

i’m a lil salty about some of the solos not being performed but oh well

YEOJIN IS SUCK A HIDDEN TRICK?? AMAZING TALENT??? GIRL CAN SING HOLY COW SHE GON GO PLACES

the background vocals were SUPER loud, so for some of the solos (and even the live-singing songs) you could kiiiiindaaa hear their actual voices but mostly just the background audio track, which i thought was annoying tyvm

yeojin is SO funny, I couldn’t understand what she was saying half the time, but she kept making everyone laugh and it was amazing and yes she does talk super fast in real life too

all of the songs up until vivi’s sounded more aegyo than they are? like they edited them or soemhting? but it might have been just me? or the speakers or smthn? idk

there were SO many people walking around making sure no one was taking pictures.  like, at least two people i saw got kicked out bc of recording.  is that normal for concerts in korea?  idk, but I felt like i was risking my life taking these pics secretly on my phone 

there were more guys there than expected, but the audience was majority female

i also kinda ran into yeojin’s fam, but didn’t interact with them at all other than to eavesdrop long enough to figure out that they know/are related to yeojin somehow

i loved the wholething

this album will be bomb

ummmmmm, stan talent, stan loona

[berrysphase]

Nirvana in Fire rewatch liveblog part 5

Episodes 12-14, or, OW MY HEART

I love all these little cuts to background characters reacting. Here Li Gang and Mu Qing are listening as MCS is modestly disclaiming his knowledge down to Master Zhou; Li Gang looks as 'I am discreetly and loyally sad on my poor chief's behalf' as one might expect, but Qing's face is super funny and more a sulky "but MCS is da bomb"

Still super ambiguous whether Master Zhou sees through MCS or not.  And he knows it, too! That faaaaaaace.

Whenever Nihuang’s investigations are mentioned I am always super-curious to know what form they take.

Hmm, so, the contrast between Jingyan and Nihuang on their takes on Chiyan -- Jingyan is all THEY WERE INNOCENT THE WRONGED AND HONORABLE DEAD ARE WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE and Nihuang is all prefaced with careful hedges, look -- I can’t know -- I was young -- but as far as I know before she gets to the central they would never. Even to someone she thinks is probably Lin Shu! Anyway, is it any wonder Nihuang and Jingyan weren't closer friends at the start of the show.  And throughout this, MCS says "Jingyan" but Nihuang says "Prince Jing".

So this time through I have SLIGHTLY MORE EMOTIONAL PREPARATION for this scene which means I have the perspective to track that, waiiiittttt, he went into this conversation completely aware that there was no way around telling her that he was Lin Shu, and yet he couldn't get himself to do it, he fenced three rounds with her and stonewalled her until she broke down and accused him outright, and even then he didn't so much admit it as...not deny it in increasing amounts of extremis. MCS your self-loathing is hurting the people you care about :(

“I never expected that you would be the first person to ask me this” WELL WHO DID YOU EXPECT THEN MR BLINKERS

“I will tell you in full if we get a chance in the future” LIN SHU YOU ENORMOUS LIAR

Oh my god Nihuang's happy-sad smile is the perfect killing end to this whole scene, excuse me, I have to go cry

I love watching Shen Zhui and Prince Jing be competent good government buddies in their time off. They even smile! /draws sparkly hearts

and look what I'd missed the implications of the first time through, Jingyan cautions Shen Zhui to be careful of the Crown Prince; again, see, see, it's not that he doesn't understand politics, he knows perfectly well how to see the dangers and avoid them, it's just that he's been deliberately on strike!

I love (1) Shisan's irregular wooden hair stick and (2) that Gong Yu is an equal player in the Jiangzhuo detective work.

Ah, I had missed that Tong Lu does the not-turning his back thing to MCS! That's so speaking. I wonder who else does that no, berrys, you are not going to go back through all the past 12 eps again looking

I know, I know, He Wenqin is a nasty murderous piece of work who undoubtedly has many murders of people who "don't count" to his name, and I do not doubt the justice of his punishment, but the despair of a parent over a child's death is so painful.  thank goodness Minister He is so odious about his extra-legal maneuverings when he actually appears on screen

Ok now it is time to draw sparkly hearts around Yujin and Jingrui too, also, I lovvvvvve Marquis Yan and his austere reserve and his excellent dress sense but ow Yujin :(  I know I’m saying this about every single character arc, but yeah -- knowing the plot means the character interactions are hitting me so much harder this time around, and right now it’s Yujin’s turn.

Ow ok MCS’ face-fall when Jingyan says haha no of course I have business to discuss hurts, these micro-expressions! They are deadly! And here again -- the repressed jump at friendship, followed later by deliberately steering the conversation toward "look at me I am so despicable".

Nnnnnn so Marquis Yan is someone else who feels like he should be dead; that his world died 12 years ago; that he carries a singular burden in his responsibility for his dead.  Very directly a dark mirror for MCS, and a way for the show to hammer home the sheer and necessary ambition of MCS’ plan, the enormity of the stakes he’s playing for -- and the strength of his character.  And at the same time this plotline is adding one more piece of evidence to the mounting pile showing just how much the Chiyan case and the silence around it is still poisoning the country a decade later.

SPEAKING OF MIRRORS MCS plz take note, Marquis Yan is much happier being a functional member of society with renewed family ties, and the course of action he committed to was way way worse than anything you carry out, I’m just saying.

How beautifully character supports plot and vice versa. Yujin! He's perceptive -- because the plot needs someone to notice things, and he's a useful way to keep events moving -- but the beauty of this show is that this is always managed completely consistently as a key part of Yujin's characterization and his arc. Like here, he’s the first outside person to flag that MCS mayyyybe isn’t supporting Prince Yu, hmmm? And it’s not plot-relevant at all, Yujin doesn’t do anything with it, it’s just, this is who Yujin is, the show is giving us him as a whole person.  OK NO but/and, this is all true, but this scene is ALSO here because (1) hope, we have just been getting a lot of the wrong-ness of the status quo shoveled at us, but, look, things are changing; and (2) foreshadowing for Yujin’s role on MCS’ team later on.   AHH this is where I would normally just say I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR but there’s a good portion of the cast for whom it has to be I LOVE TO HATE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR so let’s just leave it here

[blushoseoks]

stuck on you. (m) | 01

“I want you to take my virginity.” “what the fuck did you just ask me, kim taehyung?”

or, alternatively:

you’re not actually supposed to take your bestfriend’s virginity when he asks, right?

➶ pairing: kim taehyung x reader 

➶ rating: mature. find out what this entails, here.

➶ part: [1/3]

➶ chapter song: falling for you by peachy!

➶ (a/n): this is written for fun and i a pologize for this atrocity in advance. first attempt at smut and crack, so do let me know my thoughts! feedback is always welcomed !!

out of context quote: [9:52 am] Taehyung:  ___\o/___ me drowning in ur pussy lol 

“I want you to take my virginity.”

You’ve just taken a gulp of your pulp-included orange juice when Taehyung says this. He’s sitting across from you in the cafeteria of the University you both attend - have attended for the past two years.

His brown coffee coated eyes are staring directly into yours - a serious expression written across his features that tells you what he’s just spoken was said in nothing but pure seriousness.

And he says it so nonchalantly - so earnestly, that you do the only thing you can think of.

A perfectly reasonable reaction after hearing that your best friend, the boy you’ve been in love with for over two years - wants you to take his virginity.

You spit your orange juice out all over him.

Spraying him like a skunk without intent.

Your cheeks, which were puffed out full of the beverage you were drinking, deflate like a balloon as the liquid leaves your lips and coats your best friend's face and attire.

Afterward you don’t even have the decency to apologize while he’s just pulled a disgusted face, one meant just for you, and has reached for the plethora of napkins on your tray (luckily for him, you’re a messy eater) and has just began to attempt to dry himself - your lips part in question.

“What the fuck did you just ask me, Kim Taehyung?”

He lets out an annoyed huff - you think you see his eyes roll but it’s hard to say for certain when he’s dabbing at the liquid soaking in at the hem of his white button up shirt, head down, focusing on the task at hand.

“Technically, I told, not asked. And Jesus, you’re so dramatic, Y/N.” He replies, tone bored and exasperated.

Your hands come to press against the surface of your lunch table, eyes still wide.

Fortunately for the both of you, the other occupants who usually sit at your lunch table were still in bed. Namjoon, Hoseok, Jimin and Yujin’s classes didn’t start until mid afternoon - as for anyone else in the cafeteria, they were tables away or far too dead in the morning to bother eavesdropping.

“Dramatic?! Taehyung-,” you lower your voice down into a whisper, scooting up so close to the table that the edge of it presses into your breasts uncomfortably, “you just asked me to pop your cherry, take your V-card, corrupt your innocence, screw your pooch-”

“That’s not the expression.” He cuts you off with a sharp look, head tilting up as he rips his eyes away from his shirt and to where you sit. All traces of amusement leave your face as you realize that the jokes were interfering with the seriousness of the intended conversation and seemed to insult him.

“I know what I asked, Y/N. I am the one who asked it - and don’t you dare treat me like I’m an angel. I was watching porn while in the womb. I knew what a vagina looked like when I was eight, knew what sex was when I was six.”

You roll your eyes, head shaking a little bit. He was being melodramatic, but you understood the point he was trying to prove. Still - it did nothing to sway your already formulated answer.

But - you couldn’t shake the question circulating your brain.

“I don’t - I don’t understand. Why are you asking me of all people to take something so meanin-”

He cuts you off again, and by the smooth reply of his words, you can tell that he’s thought this through. That this isn’t something he just pieced together, or come to conclude carelessly - that he’s been thinking of this for a good while now.

You want to ask him how long fucking you has been on his mind to lighten the mood, but you keep the crude comment at bay with the bite of your tongue, knowing it’s better to stay silent as of now.

“You’re my bestfriend, Y/N. You know everything about me, you’ve seen the good side of me, the bad side of me, you’ve seen the disgusting things I’m capable of, like the time I belched the abc’s and threw up all over your sneakers--”

You grimace at the memory, the feeling of having to walk home with his vomit in your shoes was something you didn’t look back at with fondness. You had spent four hours trying to clean the shoes, only to have to throw them away not because of the damage, moreso because of the stench.

“Okay,” you sigh, waving him along with a stroke of your hand, “I get it, I get it, continue on.”

He rolls his eyes, but the corners of his red lips tug upwards into a miniscule smile.

“Carrying on - they say that your first time should be with somebody you love, somebody who's seen everything you are as a person, somebody you care about - and well,” he pauses for the slightest of moments, “well I love you, and you love me, right?” His eyebrows raise to add emphasis to his question, and he already knows the answer. Obviously.

Because if you hadn’t loved him, would you really have forgiven him for the whole sneakers incident?

The nasty fucker.

And well - you did love him. You loved him so entirely much, more than he loved you.

So when you hear that part of his sentence, your stomach does a little drop, the unrequited love you have for him creeping up your throat in the form of bile. You’re able to  keep it down by swallowing the lump and heated spit in your mouth.

You nod your head to answer his, more rhetoric than anything, question, and his smile widens - you were right, he already knew the answer.

“But - why me?” You say, even though you know how he’ll answer - because you’ve been his friend longer than anyone else has been. You continue on even so.  “Jimin loves you, Jimin knows what nasty and disgraceful things you’re capable of - Jimin--”

“Jimin’s a boy, Y/N.” He says, interrupting your rambling with a sigh. “And-,” he pauses, his nose scrunching up in distaste.

“Jimin’s ugly.” He says, a face that says, “duh,” carving into his features. “You’re a girl, and you’re beautiful.”

You go silent. The tiniest amount of pink starting to coat your cheeks and the body of your neck due to the compliment he’s just paid you. And for a moment, you wonder why Taehyung decided to ask you such a thing - such an intimate, and private thing in the middle of a cafeteria - where someone could easily overhear if they truly wanted to.

Why didn’t he ask you that morning when he had stopped by your dorm room to pick you up?

Why hadn’t he tried to ask you on the way to the cafeteria? He had multiple opportunities, but he had waited. It didn’t make any sense.

He clears his throat, an indication that his patience is running thin.

Kim Taehyung - Taehyung who insisted that girl’s didn’t fart until age ten, the boy whose face crinkled when he saw two people kissing until he was thirteen, the boy who blushed and turned his head away awkwardly when you started to talk about your breasts - had just asked you - to have sex with him. To take his goddamn fucking virginity.

You shake your head quickly, eyes moving from the half untouched breakfast on your tray, where they had drifted during your train of thought - and back up to your best friend who is staring at you very openly.

“No, Taehyung. I just -” you pause momentarily.  “I can’t do it. It would ruin, utterly destroy our friendship. And I don’t-” you shake your head a little. “I don’t think you get just what you are asking me to do. You don’t understand how big a deal losing your virginity is.”

You watch as his lips fall apart suddenly, but no words carry out. His shoulders sink as his body posture falls a tad amount, and you can’t sit there and see how disappointed he looks because it makes you feel - sad, but also - somewhat flattered? Like a part of you may actually be happy that he’s upset you won’t be the one to fuck him.

You’re about to leave - but then he continues on.

“But if not you, then who?” He asks, and there’s a hint of something you can’t quite decipher hidden in the layers of his thick, deep, voice. “I’m almost twenty, Y/N. I’m almost fucking twenty years old, and I’m still a virgin!” He exclaims, voice raising. “I don’t want to have to wait longer, I don’t want to have to wait for someone when I already have a special someone. You’re special, you know? You’re like super special to me, and me being a virgin-” he hesitates for a brief second, like he had maybe lost his train of thought amidst his rambling. “I’m pretty sure it’s the reason no girls talk to me, or refuse to give me the time of day. I must have a stamp on my forehead saying, “Twenty year old inexperienced virgin, don’t touc--”

Taehyung’s a loud talker, he always has been. But somehow  he’s gotten even louder, so to save him from embarrassment you surge forward. Half of your body flying over the top of the lunch table as your hand moves to cover over his lips. As your hand touches his mouth, he looks at you with wide and curious brown eyes.

You mutter out a “shhhh” and he looks around  to make sure nobody had heard the discussion between you two, and  the few on-goers who had glanced in your guys’ general direction once you had body slammed the table, had looked away, prompting you to settle back in your seat, hands leaving your friend’s lips.

You take a deep breath, eyes finding his and in a serious voice you say:

“Taehyung, I can assure you that the only reason anybody would ever think you’re a virgin is because you just screamed it out for them to hear.”

You end your statement with a small smirk and once again, he rolls his eyes. Head shaking in pure and evident annoyance.

“Anyway,” he says, hands stretching out across the surface of the table to take your own.

Sometimes you think he does this on purpose. Like he knows what his touch does to you - that the slightest brush of his finger could have you swooning in a matter of seconds. But you shake the thought away, Taehyung would never be that cruel - he'd never take advantage of you like that.

Still - you can’t help but to glance down at either one of your hands and admire the way his fingers look grasping yours.

He begins to speak again, reattracting your attention.

“I asked you because I trust you, Y/N. You’re the only person I trust with something as big as this. I know it wouldn’t affect our friendship in a negative way but if anything, improve it.”

You cock an eyebrow, still not bought on the idea of fucking your bestfriend for his first time.

“Improve it because, well think of it this way - we’d be connected on a more intimate level.”

You stare at him, lips parting, as a look of disgust appears on your face.

Had he just tried to be romantic? If so, you’re horribly unimpressed.

“And I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now, I only gathered enough courage to finally ask you because well-” he lifts his shoulders up into a shrug, “how else could I get it done?”

You let out a huff of air, annoyed by how he had phrased the ending of his sentence. And deep down, you know he didn’t mean it in the way it sounded. Taehyung, well, he’s never been good with voicing his feelings. But still - it sounded like he only wanted you to do it because he had no one else. Like you were his only option.

“Gee.” You say effortlessly, hand moving to cover your chest  as you speak out the next part of your sentence, as if gesture that his words touched your heart. “You sure do know the way to a woman’s heart, Tae.”

This time, it’s you who rolls their eyes and you swing your legs over the bench you had been sitting at, plant your feet into the tiles of the cafeteria floor, hands grabbing the remains of your lunch tray as you begin to walk it over to the trash can, ready to discard the breakfast that will now go uneaten.

Taehyung doesn’t miss a beat, he’s following you, walking right beside you, refusing to give up that easily.

“I realize that I may not have stated that the best way.” He says, running a hand through his hair.

You dump your trash.

“Oh really, you think so?” You ask sarcastically. He ignores your comment, continues on.

“You know I’m not good with words, Y/N. ‘Specially when it comes to you ‘n all.”

You cringe at his text-talk lingo, now walking further to hand your tray to the lunch lady. You nod towards her, a smile on your lips in a way of thanking her for her services.

“You know I wouldn’t ask you something so big if I wasn’t absolutely serious  about it. You know it, Y/N.”

You still refuse to speak, your brain moving at a speed so rapid you can hardly make out the different thoughts. You’re nearing the exit of the cafeteria now, stopping only when you’re at the threshold - where you and Taehyung part every morning to attend your own separate, respected classes.

You - to creative writing, him to contemporary dance.

When you don’t say anything, he lets out a sigh. You watch as he lifts a hand, drifting it through his dark silver-grey, curly locks. His hair is getting longer - bangs drifting past his eyebrows but you don’t mind. You’ve always enjoyed the way he’s looked with longer hair. Always thought it made him look more attractive - if possible. Because Taehyung was sex on feet, and you had no idea why the girls at Seoul’s University didn’t try to eat him up.

Or for that matter, why the males didn’t either.

“Look, petal.” He says, intentionally using the nickname he created for you back when you were younger and all you ever wanted to do was wear flower crowns and look at their petals - but, don’t pick them because if you pick them they die, Taehyung!

“M’not going to force you or anything.” He shakes his head, “I hope you know that, at least. Y/N. And I’m certainly not going to try to guilt trip you or whatever, but I want my first time to be special - and you’re the most special person to me, y’know? You’re the only person I can see myself doing this - big thing, with.”

Yeah - he really wasn’t good with words, but you have to admire his efforts.

You watch as he lifts his shoulders up into a short shrug. “So just - just like think about it, and let me know, okay? No rush or anything.”

And before you can add something, or reply in a sarcastic manner, Taehyung is waving you off with a wide smile before heading off towards the direction of his first class of the day - like what he had just asked was as normal as asking about the weather - as if the consequences couldn’t change everything established between the two of you.

You shake your head, a breathless laugh mixed sigh leaving your lips as you decide to carry on with your day, knowing that the discussion was not going to be able to leave your head at all that day.

You don’t speak about the offer again until later that night, when your friend/dorm-mate Jisoo ponders on your behavior. You don’t even see Taehyung again that day - deciding to skip out on lunch, finding that it would be a bit too awkward if you both had shown up and acted as though he hadn’t asked you to swipe his V card a few hours prior.

But even though you hadn’t seen him - you had heard from him. He had been relentless in his texts to you, his overabundance of messages higher in count today than ever before.

[9:48 am] Taehyung: B======D

[9:52 am] Taehyung:  ___\o/___ me drowning in ur pussy lol

[9:53 am] Taehyung: oh wait u dont like tht word

[9:53 am] Taehyung: lemme fix it

[9:53 am] Taehyung: **vagina

You had let out a scoff at the his crude messages, but you’d be lying if you said that they hadn’t made you crack a small smile, even if it was only nine in the morning when you had received and read them. And - he was so childish, so immature. How did he expect you to take his virginity when he had the mental age of a fucking thirteen year old boy?

You’d thought about what Taehyung had asked all day, just like you assumed you would.

But honestly - how could you not?

It made the day much harder in the work sense.

Because words in your history book changed into sexual innuendos, and the historical pictures were suddenly Taehyung - dressed in outdated clothes saying inappropriate things like, “have sex with me, c’mon!” Or, the most unrefined, “If you don’t have sex with me, Donald Trump will be elected for another four years, and we both know you don’t want that!”

You had slammed your textbook shut so loud that you had distracted a few of your classmates, resulting in you sinking in your seat with embarrassment.

You were currently sitting on your twin sized bed, back against the wall it was pushed up against, laptop in your lap, as your eyes fixated on the blank piece of virtual paper that stared back at you.

You were meant to be writing your report on Global Warming and the proof on why it did exist, but your mind kept going back to Taehyung.

To Taehyung who had asked you to fuck him without so much as a blush rising to his cheeks, meanwhile you were sitting here, on your bed, the slightest tinge of pink coating your cheeks at just the mere thought.

Taehyung who invaded your heart so easily that you hadn’t known it had happened until it was already too late!

Taehyung who-

“What’s got you all pink and dreamy eyed over there?” Jisoo’s sweet melodious voice fills the four walls of your small dorm quietly, immediately grasping your attention and pulling you out of your innermost thoughts.

Your lips part, head tilting up a little - so you stare in her general direction. She’s mimicking you in a similar fashion, back pressing against the pillows of her bed, laptop in her lap - but she’s more interested in her phone than the conversation she’s just initiated or the homework that sits undone on her laptop.

You’re about to give her a bullshit answer - but the words that you want to speak won’t leave your lips. You take a moment to ask yourself why you shouldn’t ask her for her advice. She was a loyal friend, someone you had met right about the time you had fallen in love with Taehyung - she knew the details, plus Jisoo was intelligent.

She’d see where you were coming from and tell you fuck no! And then you could be on your way, delivering the news to Taehyung.

And so - you tell her. Abruptly, right then without a seconds worth of hesitation.

Your bad, really.

“Taehyung asked me to take his virginity today.”

You watch as her thumbs that are hovering over her phone’s keyboard suddenly halt - you watch her whole entire body still as she looks up, her eyes widen so much they they resemble saucers - like she can’t believe what she’s just been told. You take her silence as permission to carry on.

“I fucking know right? And then he gets all butthurt when I turn him down! Like what, Taehyung? What horribly written porno or cheesy romantic movie have you been watching to get the idea that I’d take your vi-”

But she interrupts you - quite literally, with a pillow. She chucks it towards you and it hits you so hard it shuts your laptop screen.

You look up astonished, about to rip her a new one and ask her why the fuck she just did that, but before you can, she’s rambling.

“You fucking said no?!” She’s standing now, bewilderment stretched all across her features. “You said no, Y/N! Why? Why on Earth would you say no?!”

You push your laptop over to the side of the bed you’re not using and scoot more towards the edge, you’re sitting criss-crossed now, the tossed pillow she had thrown at you now in your lap, as your arms wrap around it.

Your curiosity is now peaked, did she really disagree with your decision?

You watch her intently as she paces your small dorm room, walking from one end of her bed to the other and repeating the cycle over and over again as she thinks.

“How could you have said no?!” She screeches, head turning in your direction.

Immediately you feel threatened, arms unwrapping from the pillow and hands moving up into a surrendering type pose.

She rolls her eyes, muttering something that sounds oddly similar to, “You’re so fuckin’ naive. Stupid, stupid girl!”

You’re about to ask her just how you’re being naive! If she really thought you’d take Taehyung’s virginity?!

But before you can, she’s walking past her bed and over to your dresser, going through your top drawer - of which just happens to be your.. delicates.

“Jisoo, what on Earth are you doing?” You ask her, jumping up from your bed, you’re standing between both of your beds now, arms now crossed over your chest as she rummages through your panties and bras, throwing different colored ones over her shoulder carelessly with a shake of her head or a roll of her eyes.

“Jisoo! I just folded all of those, what’re you doing?!” You exclaim when you don’t get an answer.

Her movements cease, head turning towards you as she shakes her head, eyes rolling loudly.

“What does it look like I’m fuckin’ doing, you brat? Picking you out something to wear so you can go fuck Taehyung!”

You scoff, head shaking as you look off to the side.

“Jisoo it’s Tuesday, who has sex on a Tues--Hey!” You screech when you figure out the weight of her words, head snapping back towards the black haired female whose attention has resettled on your undergarments. “I never agreed to that! I’m not fucking Taehyung. Especially not on a Tuesday!”

Once she hears your words, she turns towards you - now standing up with a matching pair of black underwear and panties in her grasp.

“Voila!” She shouts, a satisfied smirk raising onto her lips. “Knew you had to have something other than granny panties in there!” And your lips part, about to fight back but she interrupts suddenly. She mimics your actions, arms crossing over her chest.

“Give me three reasons why you shouldn’t take Taehyung’s virginity.”

You scoff again, as if it’s the most obvious thing. You’re a few feet apart now, you can see the smirk increasing in size on her lips.

“One.” You say, rolling your eyes because you know she doesn’t think you can come up with three reasons. You hold up one finger. “He’s my best fucking friend! Fucking your bestfriend’s is a huge no-no! It’s written in all of the fuckin’ books.”

Jisoo lets out a noise resembling a, “pfft.”

You continue on, holding up a second finger.

“Two - he doesn’t realize the full meaning of what he’s asking me to do!”

Jisoo tilts her head, obviously still unconvinced.

“Three! Did I mention he’s my best fucking friend and that you’re not supposed to fuck your bestfriend! Especially when you’re in love with him!” You exclaim, waving a hand for emphasis.

You let out a tired sigh after you breathe out the last of your sentence, Jisoo still seems unfazed by the entire ordeal.

“Those three reasons don’t mean jack shit, babe.” She says, “They are nothing but excuses.” She must get tired of standing, because she moves to sit on her bed, legs dangling over the side.

You let out a slow breath before you mimic her actions, taking a seat on your own bed.

“Explain.”

“Fucking your best friend would be a huge no-no if it were any other pair of friends - but Taehyung  and you - you hold a special sort of relationship, you know that, right?”

You stay silent, you’ve always known that what you and Taehyung have is different - in a way.

Special. More intimate. A closeness you can’t quite describe, it’s been that way for as long as you can remember.

You shrug. “Even so, it just wouldn’t be right. It could still fuck things up.” You state, still unconvinced.

“Not if neither of you let it.” She adds on, like she knew you were about to say that. “And knowing you both - neither of you would let it. You both care about each other way too much to let something come between your friendship.”

You let out a small breath, she had a point.

“Second, Taehyung - even though he may not act like it a majority of the time - is a grown ass man.”

You almost laugh.

“He’s almost twenty years old, Y/N, meaning he is capable of making his own decisions and knowing their true meaning and consequences. He wouldn’t have asked you if he thought he would be jeopardizing your friendship, or - for that matter, you. And you know that. He loves you too much to do something that risks him losing you.”

“Which brings me to my next part - he loves you, and he knows that you love him - in the way you do.”

You suddenly still, body tensing just a small amount. She’s tried to say this before - that he knows you’re in love with him,  but he’s too afraid to explore something more. You know it’s bullshit - if Taehyung knew, he’d tell you.

Wouldn’t he?

“So that means he asked you because he loves you too, Y/N. He asked you because he’s in love with you, as well. You know he wouldn’t ask you to do it - knowing he knows, if he didn’t feel the same way.”

You roll your eyes.

“And fine,” she says exasperatedly,  “if you don’t believe that - then fuck him. Fuck him to fuck the love you have for him away. Use him, because he’ll be using you, right? Use each other, it’s only fair.”

(Jisoo doesn’t believe a word of her last argument, she knows that Taehyung loves you - it’s obvious, isn’t it? But if you’re not going to believe her then she’s going to manipulate you into thinking something else - that way, you and Taehyung can finally discuss your feelings for each other, it’s the perfect plan - right?)

You let out a sigh, still not fully convinced - but - but maybe, Jisoo did have a point? Maybe sleeping with Taehyung would help you move on from him in some sort of twisted reverse-psychology way?

“And,” Jisoo says, adding one more thing before she gives up, “if you don’t believe anything else I’ve said - then think of it this way: Taehyung is attractive, right? If you don’t take his virginity, somebody else will. Somebody who probably won’t care about him like you do. Somebody who probably won’t love him the way you do. Do you want that for him?”

You swallow the lump in your throat - her words hitting you like a shit ton of bricks. And once she see’s the way you’re finally thinking and fully contemplating the entire thing - she’s once again smirking to herself, because she knows her work here is done. And so she tosses your lingerie carelessly onto your bed, while she repositions herself into a more comfortable position, pretending to idly scroll through her phone.

“Definitely choose black, by the way. It brings out your eyes.”

You let out a clearly frustrated groan, your head shaking. You’re still not fully sure what you will do, your head drops as your eyes scan the floor that now has your underwear and bras thrown about.

And then you grab the pillow she had thrown at you previously and chuck it back at her ruthlessly.

“Clean up the mess you made, brat.”

The next time you see Taehyung is three days later, Friday night, when you hear a knock at your dorm door.

You let out a silent sigh because you already knew who it was. The same boy who has been trying to pry conversations out of you since the day he asked you the big question.

“So, have you been thinking about what I proposed?” Taehyung’s deep and smooth voice ponders as soon as you open the door to your room, he’s taking up the entire space of the threshold - the single entrance and exit, tall body pressed up against the side of the doorway, arms folding as he sizes you up.

He looks extremely good. Clad in a snapback that covers a majority of his long silver hair, a light grey oversized - long sleeved shirt covering his torso with the words, “not your babe,” written across the center. He’s wearing a pair of black skinny jeans - ones that hug the quelsm of his thighs graciously. You force your eyes away.

You’re dressed in a black  long sleeved shirt, one that covers more than half of your neck, the hem is tucked into your high-waisted shorts, and you have a pair of knee white socks covering a majority of your legs, black boots covering your feet.

You let out a scoff, but you can feel a small heated flame take over your body with every second his gaze lingers on your being, your cheeks threatening to go pink at any given moment. Your curly brunette hair is pulled up into a ponytail, separate curls falling to dangle around your face that you had attempted to pin back, but gave up after your third try.

“I don’t even get a fucking hello? Just a, ‘have you decided to take my virginity or not?’ Fucking rude.” You say, playfulness dripping from your voice. Taehyung snorts, shaking his head a little - you turn around then, walking back to your bed to grasp your small black backpack, maneuvering your arms through the straps, and when you turn back - you find Taehyung quickly snapping his head up, causing you to let out a disgruntled noise.

“Were you just checking me out?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing and cocking upwards. Taehyungs snort - loud and obnoxious, would be considered unattractive if he wasn’t literally crafted by Aphrodite herself.

“You fucking wish.” He retorts, and a part of you lets out a soft sigh, yeah, you think, I kinda do.

Your eyes lift heavenward as you shove past him to stand in the hallway, he shuts your door, a smile curving up at the corners of his lips.

“You’ve been avoiding me, petal.” He says as you guys make your way down the hallway slowly, voices a soft whisper - because even though you both were in college, your University had a strict rule about curfews and the opposite gender in certain corridors. Luckily enough for you, you knew the dorm advisor - had befriended her by accident in English Literature - her name was Kang Seulgi and she was beautiful, in her third year of college, studying to be a teacher - but you had a feeling that your sort-of friendship with her wasn’t the only reason she turned a blind eye when Kim Taehyung was often seen poking around your dorm, usually at the late hours of the night or the early ones of the morning. You’re pretty sure she had found him attractive, which was easy to do.

But for some odd reason, the furthest she had ever gotten with Taehyung was a greeting, and that was that. Maybe she sensed that you had feelings for him, maybe it was something else.

You weren’t going to prod, because perhaps prodding would give her the courage to finally speak to Taehyung, and Taehyung having another option to who to give his virginity to made you feel… dare you say, uncomfortable?

You shake the thoughts away the best you can, you had no right to feel or think that way - especially when your mind was pretty much already made up.

Taehyung’s virginity was not yours to hold onto if you weren’t going to take it in the first place. Who he gave it to - was not your business if it was not going to be you.

“Not avoiding, Taehyung.” You say, finally replying to his inquiry. “Just not - exactly looking for you.”

“--And running away from me when you do see me!” He continues, “And spending your lunches in the library,” he adds, “I’ve been by your room every day this week since Tuesday to pick you up per usual - only to have Jisoo answer annoyed at me for waking her up at, ‘the ass crack of dawn!’ because somebody had already left early without warning me.”

You grimace, thinking about Jisoo’s early morning wrath and offer Taehyung an apology, he lets out a chuckle, shoulders sliding upwards into a shrug.

“I just didn’t want to see you until I made my decision.” You reply honestly. You see the smile on his lips only increase in size.

“That’s not a yes, asshole.”

“I know, I know,” Taehyung says, “but, Tuesday morning it was a no - now it’s still a decision. So it’s been bumped up a few notches, which I’ll more than graciously accept.”

You roll your eyes, he had you there. “Shut up.”

“But anyway - I don’t want to sound like an asshole or anything-” by now you both have made it out of the A rooms, currently outside in the parking lot. Taehyung leads you towards the direction of the library where you will go to study, you’re lucky that the party he’s attending passes the library, offering the perfect excuse to walk together. “But why do you care so much about who I lose it to? I mean, you lost it to--”

You hold a hand up quickly, a grunt leaving your lips. “Kim Seokjin, yes I’m aware.”

Kim Seokjin was a mildly sore subject, he was your first love - you had cried the day he graduated because you were far too intelligent to know what was to come next. And surely enough - the breakup, though foreseen, still hurt. You both were upset though, both in love - or as far into love as two naive teenagers who barely had a grasp on what love even was could be. You had lost contact with each other over the years, but you knew he was going to University in Daegu, and he seemed to be happy. He had a boyfriend who was trying to produce music, you think his name was Yoongi, but you don’t remember. The most contact you have with Seokjin now is through mutual facebook likes.

“But see, I loved Seokjin, Taehyung. He was my first love.” You turn your head to Taehyung, eyes flickering around his face. His jaw seems clenched, but you’re unable to make it out in the moonlight, “And because he was my first love it was special, and lovely - and even though we didn’t last, I don’t regret it, y’know? That’s what I want for you, Taehyung.” You keep your eyes on the side of his face as you continue speaking - you guys are nearing the library, and you can see multiple cars filling the road - no doubt in your mind that half of them belong to patrons of the party Taehyung’s going to attend.

“I don’t want you to regret your first time.” You say, letting your head finally turn forward and away from Taehyung.

“I know,” Taehyung breathes out, “I don’t want to either, which is why I asked you. So just -” he stops walking now, wanting to take a second to finish the conversation before you leave him to study and he leaves you to swallow the concoctions Namjoon will surely shove down this throat. “Just know that I wouldn’t regret it - don’t ask me how I know, because I just do.”

And he offers you his signature rectangular smile, one so bright, you can see the dimples appear above the corners of his lips even in the dark. He then moves his right hand upwards to cup the side of your cheek, the pads of his fingers smoothing over the skin there - and this is not a rare occurrence, but it still causes your breath to catch, having not expected it.

Your lips part - why? You’re not entirely sure, you want to argue his statement, but try as you might - no words come to the surface. You were at a loss for a retort. How and what could you reply to Taehyung when he had just said he wouldn’t regret sleeping with you?

His words seemed to have set a tingly-like feeling spread throughout your body. One that resembles that of a forest fire.

And Taehyung notices how you seem to have let your mind linger on something he isn’t very sure about but has a good clue. And before you can get a word out - Taehyung is doing what Taehyung does best.

Distracting your thoughts and putting your mind at ease, leaving you before you can counter his argument, leaving before you can correctly contemplate a well formed response. Leaving you with your thoughts, giving you time to think.

Your eyes fall to where his body is - backing away from you slowly as he drifts into the cool night, his smile still visible but disappearing as he drifts away from the lights of the library.

“See ya later, petal. Don’t study too hard.”

You let out a grunt, trying to properly catch your thoughts as you grasp the straps of your backpack and pull it tighter onto your body.

“Don’t drink too much.”

And then you turn around and start to walk to the entrance of the library - knowing that trying to study with the thoughts of Taehyung on your mind would be impossible.

You’re an hour and thirty minutes into your studying - scratch that, your attempt at studying when you finally decide to give up, that no matter how hard you try - there was no way you were going to be able to focus on the tasks at hand.

You arrived at your dorm about twenty minutes ago and had long changed into something more comfortable. You were dressed in a sweatshirt and a pair of light grey shorts that hung somewhat loosely on your hips - you had to tie them in numerous knots to get them to stay put.

You had fished out your cellphone from it’s place of residing in the deepest catacombs of your backpack - somewhere you stored it when you were trying to study. And once you turn it on - you immediately check through the messages you had received.

[10:05 PM] Jisoo:  let me know if tonight’s the night you take him for a ride!!! I defo dont wanna walk in on tht xx ;p

You roll your eyes at Jisoo’s crude messages - ever since your talk with her that night in your dorm, she had thrown jokes like the aforementioned one your way, cracking comments every so often.

[10:23 Pm] You: suck a big one, Jisoo.

[10:23 Pm] Jisoo: im trying ;) xo

Your face distorts easily as you shake your head knowing that Friday’s were her and Jimin’s ‘date,’ nights.

You decide to take a moment to scroll through Instagram - more specifically, Taehyung’s Instagram. Your curiosity getting the best of you, wanting to see how his night was going.

The photos he’s posted seems like the ones he posts every Friday night - a name he claims as his party nights.

One of him, Namjoon, and Jeongguk - a friend of his you hadn’t really been acquainted with, but heard of so often it felt like you actually did know him - were crowded into one picture, drinks in their hands. They wore similar lazy smiles and their eyes matched with a recognizable gleam of intoxication.

The next photo displayed a table set up to play beer pong -  no doubt in your mind it was Hoseok’s doing. The photos continued on, a majority of them would be deleted in the morning after Taehyung sobered up and realized how foolish he was making himself look. Or, for a better reason - he didn’t want his parents thinking he was a full-blown alcoholic.

Your ‘liking’ spam must’ve caught his attention because the next thing you know your phone is dinging with a clear indication that you’ve received a text message.

And sure enough it was from Taehyung himself.

When you open it, you see that he’s sent you a photo. There’s a sly pout curving on the shape of his lips, eyes glaring with a sheer liquid and his hair seems to be slick with sweat and stuck to his forehead.

Your eyes roam over the message he’s sent with the photo.

[10:21 Pm] Taehyung: misin  u loads :( [10:23 Pm] Taehyung: wishin u were here <3333

You had let out a soft chuckle at his messages, fingers working out a quick reply.

[10:25 Pm] You: If only you cared about your grades more than you do your alcohol. :~)

[10:25 Pm] Taehyung: hahaha that nose looks likes a sperms

Before you wring his neck at the reply he’s sent, another is being sent to your phone.

[10:26 Pm] Taehyung: wish u were here tos care off all the girls!!! they wont leave me alone :( they never bug me when ur around me

As your eyes scan over the words of his last message - your jaw clenches. Teeth moving to press together tightly. You reread the two sentences several times trying to ease the quickening of your heartbeat.

It was hard being in love with a boy who was desired by many, you had learned this long ago. Taehyung was a social butterfly - he took to people as moths do to flames. He was easily a people person, someone who got along with everybody. You, on the other hand - were the opposite.

You had a small amount of people you considered your friends and you didn’t feel like you needed anymore. Why waste time trying to make friends when you were happy with the ones you had? You didn’t see the point.

The uneasiness of his reply doesn’t leave your body for the next hour. And you spend the time trying to talk yourself out of what your mind keeps thinking about - trying to come up with many excuses to sway your decision you thought was permanent.

But something about his message opened your eyes - the message mixed with Jisoo’s words and the conversations you had had with Taehyung were replaying in your head on a continuous loop.

And it’s while you’re in your bed, staring up at your ceiling do you come to your final decision.

You were in love with Taehyung, Taehyung deserved to lose his virginity to somebody who loved him. To somebody who would do it correctly and truly teach him.

He deserved to lose his virginity to someone who would continue to always care for him.

Taehyung was determined and his mind was set on the idea that you would be the one to take his virginity - and if he had come to that decision all on his own, and if he had worked up the courage to ask you - and continue to hope you’d do so even after you had refused his offer, you knew that in his eyes you were the only one he could see doing it.

So you decide, right then and there that you’ll take his virginity. But, if you were being honest - you had decided from the moment he had asked you.

A part of you knew that you wanted to - a part of you knew that you were going to end up saying yes, which is probably why you had been so adamant on saying no in the first place.

Quickly you grasp your phone that had been lying untouched by your body for the past hour. You unlock it and click on the conversation between Taehyung and yourself, fingers composing a message and sending it before you have time to reread it for grammatical errors.

[11:32 PM] You: Stop by in the morning, I need to talk to you.

The reply you get is almost instant - which causes your eyebrows to uplift in curiosity. To be honest, you hadn’t even expected Taehyung to even read your message tonight - not when he was preoccupied playing whatever childish games Hoseok dragged him into at the party he had tried to make you attend.

[11:32 Pm] Taehyung: everything okay?? [11:33 Pm] You: Just need to talk to you. [11:33 Pm] Taehyung: I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.

You had sat up quickly, having not expected that response.

And surely enough - fifteen minutes later, give or take a few, there is a soft knock at your door.

When you open the door you see Taehyung, who stands with an unreadable expression written across his features, his right hand scratching at the back of his neck. He’s looking to the side and you have no time for his weird behavior, because you’ve made up your decision and you know - that if you wait any longer you’ll end up stalling and talking yourself out of telling him your decision.

“I’ll do it.” You say softly, right hip cocking and pressing against the threshold of your doorway, arms moving to cross over your chest.

You hadn’t changed from your lazy clothes, hadn’t even attempted to fix your unruly hair. You figured that if Taehyung wanted you naked then he should be able to handle you when you looked your worst.

Immediately - your words grasp his attention. He looks up from wherever his eyes had been studying. His taller body has straightened out, obsidian eyes instantly landing on yours.

His lips part, as he gapes at you. And he’s silent - you hadn’t expected that. To be honest, you had expected him to jump up and down in glee - to shout something absurd, but instead you were met with a shocked expression, an unusual quiet taking over Taehyung’s body.

“What?” You squawk out, “Oh my god.” you says, eyes widening as the worst thought comes to mind. “Don’t tell me you changed your mind because I will be so fucking embarrassed-”

He cuts you off in a hushed, obnoxious, over-the-top chuckle, his long arms moving to wrap around your body as he pulls you into his chest.

“Petal, petal. I didn’t change my mind.” He says, tip of his nose pressing into the short locks of your dark colored hair. It’s obvious in his clear speech that Taehyung is not drunk, nor has he drank enough for him to not remember any of the conversation spoken tonight.

“I just - you kept saying no so I didn’t think you’d actually agree to it. But I haven’t changed my mind, Y/N.”

You shake your head, the top of your teeth moving down to skid across your bottom lip as you step out of his embrace, walking backwards into your room a little ways.

“I just needed to fully understand and think through everything.” You shrug - a light, effortless one. “I needed to make sure you knew what you were asking and I think our talk earlier really allowed me to come to the conclusion that this is what you want, and that I’d rather take it than some random girl, y’know?”

You look back up to Taehyung’s eyes, noticing how they’ve slipped away from your intense gaze, how the smile he had been wearing had disappeared right off of his lips. He looks - you can’t quite pinpoint it, but he’s not himself.

You cock an eyebrow upwards, directing your attention and words to the boy himself. “You okay? You’re acting like perhaps you’ve changed your mind. And if you have - that’s okay, just tell me. You have to be honest and-”

He interrupts again, and you make a mental note to scold him on the matter later. (Because you were a month older than him and he certainly was not respecting his elder!)

He returns his attention to your face, lips morphing into a smile. “Trust me,” he says, “I haven’t changed my mind - just maybe had a bit too much to drink, not feeling the best.”

You nod your head, a smile stains itself to your lips as you grasp his right hand, squeezing it as you pull him through the threshold and into your small room.

“Good, you can crash here then.” You say, knowing that Jisoo more than likely won’t be returning anytime soon and even if she was - she wouldn’t care or be surprised. In fact, her head probably would have roamed to the first dirty thing.

“So I’m guessin’ you don’t wanna do the deed tonight?” He asks, a goofy smile - one to signify that what he’s just said is a joke settles onto his face. And you mentally slap yourself.

He shuts the door behind him as you climb onto your bed. “No, you fucker. You’re somewhat drunk, or you were drunk - and when…” you trail off, taking a moment to gather your thoughts and what words you want to say.

“And when I take your virginity you have to be aware - sober too. So you can properly give me your consent. Now hurry up and get the fuck over here. I need the warmth your body provides.”

He obliges easily, a lazy smile overriding his features as he stalks towards you. “You only like my body heat, nothing else.”

And no time is wasted as he climbs atop of your bed after toeing his shoes off, his strong arms are cascading effortlessly around your small body as he tugs you into his chest.

Your back is pressed to the front of his body , your eyes are shutting - and your bed is comfortable. It always has been, but you’d choose Taehyung’s arms over your bed sheets any day.

And you listen to his breathing, a steady calming that sends your body into bliss. You focus on the rhythm for awhile - until he pauses.

And it’s silent for a few moments, you wonder if you should ask him if he’s okay. But you can hear the slightest sound of his lips falling apart.

Then he says, in a soft whisper:

“You’re my bestfriend.”

And you don’t think it’s something he wants a response to, he knows that he’s your bestfriend too.

So not another word is spoken as you both drift off into a deep slumber.

And perhaps if you had been a bit more aware, a little less focused on the big agreement that’s just been accepted, you would have noticed the scent of a lingering rose stained to the collar of Taehyung’s shirt.

Something much too feminine to belong to Taehyung.

“So.” Taehyung says the next morning when you both awake, the morning sun is blinding as it drifts in between the cracks of the blinds covering your windows. He’s standing to the side of your bed, fixing his shirt and running a hand through his colored locks. You’re lying in your bed, sleep still threatening to take over your body at any given moment, eyes focusing the best to their ability on Taehyung.

He suddenly turns towards you.

Reluctantly, you pull yourself up with a grunt. Positioning your back against the wall, your legs moving into a criss-cross position, a pillow resting lazily in your lap.

His eyes meet yours, his hands gesturing towards his body as he speaks out his next sentence.

“When you wanna do this, then?”

You pull a face, clearly unimpressed, faking a retching sound as you turn your head and pretend to throw up on your unmade bedsheets.

“Ha-ha.” Taehyung says after a few continued noises of fake puking comes from you. You force yourself back up into a sitting position, eyes finding his.

“That just made me change my decision, actually.” You joke, head tilting a little.

He rolls his brown eyes, knowing you too well. “But really.” He says, eyebrows lifting upwards. “What day fits best for you?”

Your lips part as you try to roam your head for answers, teeth grazing idly across your bottom lip.

“Sunday?” You ask, head once again lifting upwards as your gaze reaches his. He looks a little surprised - eyes widening the tiniest amount. Your guys’ week didn’t start until Tuesday, both choosing to not take Monday classes so you’d have an extra day to your weekend.

“That soon?” He questions outloud - your lips part as your shoulders move upwards.

“It’s my next available day but if you’d rather wai--” He shakes his head, interrupting you mid sentence.

“No, no, Sunday’s fine - just, I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t expecting it to be that soon.”

You watch his familiar boxy smile light up his entire handsome face - your stomach drops a little at the sight.

“So like, five on Sunday?” You question outloud. “That way we can like ease our way into it and--”

“Yeah.” He smiles, head nodding a little bit as he takes a step towards your bed. You’re not expecting his tall body to sink a little bit, and you’re more than definitely not expecting him to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, as he whispers a, “you’re the best, yknow?” into the slightly tense air.

It’s not meant to be answered, so you don’t retort- not that you’d be able to if you could, because the kiss he’s left on your skin has a million spurts of electricity eroding through your body. All wetness of your mouth has left in attempt to put out the fires spreading beneath your skin.

And you find yourself wondering how amazing the sex will be if something as little as a friendly kiss is causing you to swoon as much as you do.

You feel light - like you’re feet are floating and--

“I’ll be here Sunday. At five.” He’s stepping away, sending a way too friendly wink in your direction. He’s walking towards your door now, stopping when he’s feet away, turning his attention back to you one more time.

“And I’ll bring Chinese.”

Your eyebrows cock upwards in curiosity, he doesn’t let you question, already answering before you can get the first syllable out.

“We’ll be hungry afterward, won’t we? I hear sex works up quite the appetite.”

You facepalm, hand slapping against your face forcefully as you shake your head. You think you can hear him laugh quietly as he leaves your room, only allowing yourself to look up after you hear the door shut.

All day you’re convinced that you’ve dreamt everything that happened the night before and that very morning - even after you tell Jisoo to make plans somewhere else than your dorm on Sunday - even after having to roll your eyes at her remarks and her comment about wanting details.

It doesn’t fully register  in your mind until that night when he texts you again.

[8:33 Pm] Taehyung: if you think about it, it’s kinda llike the time you taught me how to ride a bike - only this time you’ll be the one riding ;)

[8:35 Pm] Taehyung: also how many condoms should i bring??

[8:35 Pm] Taehyung: im gonna bring like five yknow jsut in case

[8:36 Pm] Taehyung: and i didnt know what size so i got large n extra large ;)

And it’s there in your bedroom, body curled up against the wall - thoughts roaming about Kim Taehyung, his penis size, and chinese food, that you realize you only have two days to prepare yourself  to take Kim Taehyung’s virginity.

Your bestfriend.

The boy you’ve been in love with for two years.

And prepare yourself you will.

Because if Kim Taehyung wanted his first time to be special - then fuck, it was going to be.

[seventeen-imagines-reactions]

The story of Yujin & Kris (Kris Scenario // 5of59)

FIIIIINNNAAALLY sorry guys it took soo soo long. This is the 5th of 59 (long way to go still I know.) 

I loved writing this eventhough it took so long bc I kinda forgot how to write hahah Have to get in the hang of it again. 

Hope you like it ^^

PS: This can be read as a oneshot but also as a “before” to my other Kris scenario. >> Part 1

*****

He sat there, on his guitar case, closed his eyes and started singing. His voice was so different, it didn’t ever sound the same it was really unique. The passengers didn’t just look for a couple seconds and continued walking no. Some of them stood in front of him and enjoyed his music. The gave him money or talked to him after he was done singing. Which always made him happy. But he never waited long enough for them to start a real conversation.

No he didn’t do this for money. Not in any way. He just wanted to share his passion with everyone. And the money he made? He saved it. This guy? I’ll tell you more about him. He’s Yifan or Kris however you want to call him. He lives in Enland now, but he was born in China. Why did he move? His university was here in Enland. And since he liked it so much he decided to stay. Kris never really had a full time job after uni, his parents always helped him out. Though, he didn’t really use his parents money. He had jobs on and off, at the car wash, in restaurants, in Hotels and in Bars as the singer. He made enough money to life with that. And he loved that life. Honestly he would make enough money just with singing but he wanted to work hard and earn his money. “Dude, I’ve been waiting for so long now. Where are you?” “Sorry man. I totally forgot time. So what are you up to tonight?”  "Thought about going to the bar again. Uh… I forgot the name but do you remember the bar we went to when we came here the first time? That one. Jaya told everyone to come over for her birthday. She invited the old ones too. So you coming?“ “I’ll see what I can do… I’ll call you back.”

“You’re not gonna be there tonight right?” an unknown number sent him just minutes after he hung up. “Who are you?” Kris was on his way home, he lived in a small apartment, not far from city centre. “Claire,… Yujins friend from back then?” Why would she text me? Why shouldn’t I be there? Yujin…. She would be there too? That can’t be, she’s supposed to be in China now. “Oh… I’m sorry. Idk, why u asking?” “Dude? They didn’t tell you she’s back already? She just came back. She’s gonna be there tonight.” “How? I thought she had to stay with her family? Didn’t they force her to go back forever??” “She’s a free spirit isn’t she? She decided to come back after her 23rd birthday. She’s been here for two or three days now.” “Oh. Nah I didn’t know.”

Wow. Nice friends he had there. Kris put his phone away and listened to some music while walking. He bought some grocries also. He felt the vibrations of his phone, but he wanted to reach home before thinking about his new problem. ‘5 unread messages’ “Kris?? / tbh, she wanted to meet you again. She asked a lot about you. / Normally she wouldn’t come to the party but she knew you could be there. / She told me to not tell you anything but I don’t want drama happening. So yeah. / Are you ready to face her again? Is it gonna be difficult?” Difficult, the heck is she saying? “She left me tf should I be facing her. If anything she’s gonna regret her choice will she? I’m over this kindergarden games. I’ll be having no problems looking her into the eyes since I didn’t do anything that could hurt her. I’ll be there tonight. Do whatever the fuck you want.”

Kris threw his phone away in anger. Able to face her again? What is this?  He leaned back and thought about this whole situation again? Oh wait, let me tell you the short form too.

When Yifan arrived in England he still had some time before his school year started. So he decided to visit an English class for a couple of weeks to improve his skills. During that time he met a lot of foreigners including Yujin… Yujin, Kris and the other chinese students got along pretty well. And of course after a while Yujin and Kris got really close, eventually became a couple. They’ve dated for quite a while when one day, Yujin left and moved back to China without telling Kris. She was back in her home country and no matter how often Kris called her she didn’t pick up. Yujin left Yifan heartbroken and didn’t tell him where she was, why she left and why noone else should tell him also. Weeks later she called him crying, saying that she still loved him. That her parents wanted her to move back and she was being forced to stay there. But he didn’t believe, or he did. We don’t know but he was done with this dilemma and never talked to her, never thought about her or asked how she was doing ever again. The last time he saw Yujin was quite a while back. Five years to be exact.

“So man you coming over?” “Probably, as long as I don’t get into any type of trouble.” “Nah, just stay with us and you should be good. Thanks man, it’s been a while since we did something with the others.” He chuckled, he really missed his friends. Yifan spent his last weeks working and saving money. Honestly he didn’t want to go. The messages were still making him angry, as if it was his fault but he didn’t want to make his friends sad so he got up, showered and threw on new fresh clothes. “Dude you didn’t even tell me when to be there.” “Oh sorry Kris, can you be there at 8? Or wait I’ll pick you up at 7.30, let’s take the metro just in case.” “Sounds good, just ring the bell and I’ll come down.” Puh… still more than an hour left.

He got up and poured himself something to drink, still he was “used” to alcohol he wouldn’t get drunk easily. Not like his friends. Kris thought abour his old friends, those who would be there tonight too. He also thought about Yujin…. Yujin would be there too. And though he didn’t do anything wring he wasn’t ready to face her. Not now. No matter what he said to claire today, he didn’t want to see Yujin after she left him. He didn’t know if he was angry or sad, he just felt like he didn’t want to see her. What would she tell them? And if she speaks would she talk to him? What would she tell him? Is she married now, or did she find a job. Does she still love him or did she ever? “Kris come on. Don’t think about her. Just think about seeing your old friends.” he told himself. And that worked. Somewhat at least.

“Man it’s been a while huh.” „How long has it been man? At least a year? And you don’t even live too far, sad man really sad.“ Kris said while laughing. Their houses were not too far from each other, but due to his school and work kris was never really able to meet one of his closest friends, Joe. And now that they met again, they’d probably talk about a lot of different things. Suprisingly, Kris also forgot his thoughts about Yujin. „So what have you been up to?“ Joe asked, lighting up his cigarette. „Since when do you smoke though? Uh, not much. I worked here and there, I think I’ll look for a real job soon. Set a foot into the real world you know.” „Never thought that you would do that. Honestly I always saw you as a singer or something, because you never shut your mouth.“ The boy was laughing, so was kris. He was happy that he could spend some time with his close friends.

After a good 10 Minutes they arrived at the place. And even from the outside you could hear their friends screaming and shouting happily. „KRIIIIIS! / YIFAN / FANFAN You’re here too.“ Oh god… They were already tipsy, but that was alright. „Hey, glad that you came. How are you Yifan? When was the last time I saw you?“ „Oh Matt, it’s been a while. Looong long time man, I think we were in Uni still. What have you been up to?“ „Nothing much. Found a job, got fired, found another job and then I had to move because of my family. Came back just weeks ago and now I’m looking for a job again. Really tiring process. You? I heard that you never really looked for a real job.“ „That’s how it is Matt, I never really worked, but I’m looking for a job now too. But from what you told me… I should be ready to face a lot of stress.“ The boys laughed and then sat down to meet the others. Matt introduced Kris and his friend, even though they knew them already. Some of his old friends brought along their „better halfs“ as they called they Boy/Girlfriends so Kris even met new people.

„Kris why don’t you sing for us?“ The voice oft he person speaking was really familiar, soothing and not too loud. She didn’t even sound tipsy but when Kris turned around he saw who was talking to him. „Yujin…“ And it got silent instantly. Everyone here knew what was going on with kris and her, but no one really talked about her until she got there, 1.5 hours later than she should. The atmosphere was awkward now and everyone realized that, even kris, who was not able to look away. She still looked the same but something,…. Something really seemed odd. It felt like world stopped for him, it felt like hours he looked at her. Kris, though didn’t want to show his realy feelings so he out on a grin and got up. He looked at her provocingly because yes he was still mad about everything but he directly walked passed her to the stage.

While all eyes were on Yifan, who was still talking tot he Dj and asking if he could sing, Yujin took a seat right next to his. She started drinking and talking to his friends, getting closer to them with every minute. Eventually Kris started singing. Soft tunes, slow song… The whole bar was going quiet just listening to him. And his friends? Some oft hem tried to harmonize with him, singing along since it was a chinese song. All of his friends knew this song, even the non-chinese. The song he sang,.. well it was about love and friendship. Kris was thinking about everything in the second he sang, he knew the song so well that it wasn’t really necessary to think about lyrics. He closed his eyes and thought about his first week here in london, how he met matt and steve – the boy who walked with him – how he met Jaya and then… how he met Yujin. When kris opened his eyes, everyone was cheering for him. He looked around and bowed down couple of times.

“I totally forgot how good your voice was, thank you so so much.” Jaya grabbed Kris’ hand and started to talk with him. Meanwhile everyone finished their last drinks, started talking about the past, things they`ve done, places they’ve been too and all of that. Sooner or later he realized that someone was missing. “Matt, where did she go?” “Why, you still looking for her?” Matt said with a cheeky grin but he frowned right away. “I don’t know man, she left while you were still up singing. She looked pretty sad it almost looked like she was on the edge to cry.” Cry? “What?” “Actually, I think she still has… some sort of feelings for you man. Joe saw her, couple of weeks ago they talked a lot he said. Ask him she told him that she still has feelings for you. Joe? Come.” The place was quite noisy, so it would be no problem to talk about her in public but Kris wanted to talk outside still to make sure that nobody can listen to them.  

Outside Joe ones more lightened his cigarette, offering it to Kris and Matt this time. “Guys come on that’s really bad for your health… Anyways. Joe tell Kris what Yujin told you the last time you met.” Joe took a deep breath before he started talking.  „I picked her up from the airport and she told me that she wanted to talk right away. So we met the day after. Man she was so down... Asking and begging for your phone number. She said that she still had feelings for you and she regrets ever leaving you. She was really sad man and just now when she left she gave me her number again just in case and asked me to give it to you. Call her if you want. I can send you the number.“ „What?“ „She still loves you, you idiot.“ „She left. She just left without saying anything and after 5 years she decided to come back and do this? What the heck is she thinking?-„ he looked at his friends in anger, „-that I’d come back no matter what? That I’d be running back to her as soon as she said that. What? You tell me.“

Without further or do Kris left. He had his phone and wallet in his pocket so there was no reason to walk back in. If anyone should ask he’s just say that there was something he had to deal with. Which, technically, wasn’t even a lie. Kris walked for a while, he didn’t want to go back home this early but he wasn’t really happy to be with the others right now. He pulled his phone out at a red light: „Joe, give me her number. I’ll clear this out ones and forever.“

„Please watch your words man. I know you’re right but Idk what could happen…“ „k“

„Yujin, this is Kris. We need to talk.“  “Come to this place. It’s where I’m living.” 

The place she sent him right after was quite far from here, but he wanted to talk about this right now. So he called a cab and told the driver where to go. About 20 minutes later he reached the place and the first thing he could notice was how dangerous this area was. Actually it scared him to walk around alone, since it was pretty quiet and the only thing you could here were alarms going off. 

“Hey Kris....” Yujin said, she looked like she’s been crying for hours. “Hey... You’re alright?” “No. Come in. I think there’s a lot we should talk about.” She walked in leading him to the living room - which he wasn’t sure about since the apartment was really tiny- and poured them something to drink. “I don’t know if you want to drink but I think I need this to talk.” Yujin sat down, patting the place next to her for him to sit down. “So what was going on in the bar. Why did you leave?... Why did you leave me today like you did back then..” Kris almost completely chugged the drink and looked down, he didn’t want to face her but this had to be done sooner or later. 

“I never wanted to leave you. I just... I don’t know I was young and stupid. I just felt like going back home to my family. Everything here was just too much. It didn’t feel right. Nothing I did here felt right. I wanted some time out... But when I called you to tell you everything... I mean I can understand but it made me sad. I really wanted to come back to you.-” Kris looked at her with anger. “You shouldn’t have left in first place. Do you know how I felt? How scared I was? I thought that something happened to you. I looked through every bar, every disco, libraries, hotels literally everything you can think of because I thought you ran away. After four days of no sleep, no food, no water and loong days of looking for you they told me that you’ve moved back to china with your family. Do you know what I had to go through because you were to selfish to tell me that you needed a break. I would’ve understood. And the only thing you needed to do was telling me where you wanted to go, or what you wanted to do. I died several times in the first year of you being there because you didn’t tell me nothing until exactly one year later. You needed one year to tell me what happened and you didn’t even do that. The only thing you did was begging for forgiveness. What did you expect me to do huh? just accept the fact that you left me for a year and only told your friends where you were. Not answering my phone calls, not sending any messages nothing. You left and you’ve been gone for five years. What are you doing here now? Why’d you come back?” 

Kris’ voice was full of anger. He teared up but controlled himself to not cry now. Again, he wasn’t sad just angry. And Yujin... she just looked at him. For minutes she just looked at what he was doing, how his facial expressions changed from minute to minute. Kris felt how the alcohol made his way into his blood stream. He felt how his hands started to shake and his vision to blur. “You’re not gonna say anything, are you?” “Kris... I love you.” 

The next day Kris woke up with a bad headache. It took a while for him to realize where exactly he was. “What... How did I get here.” Kris was lying on his couch with no Idea how he got back home. “What happened yesterday?” No matter how much he thought and thought the only thing he remembers was talking to her, then leaving, but in between those action there’s nothing he remembers. 

When he looked at his phone just to see that it was turned off. So he got up plugged his phone in, hopped into the shower to get the burning smell of alcohol off and made breakfast. As he got back to his phone he already heard that he got one message after the other. “MAN? Why are you not answering??? // What happened yesterday you didn’t talk to us. // You didn’t fight did you? // Call me when your up. // She’s not answering either WTF MAN WHERE ARE YOU?” What? “Joe chill, I just woke up. Phone was off. We talked I guess.” “You guess?” “Yea man I remember saying a lot of things to her, but then.. It’s like completely gone. I was drunk. Don’t even know how I came back home.” “That’s not good. So why is she not answering?” “Idk, I don’t care at this point.” 

****

The days passed and as he told Joe Kris didn’t talk about her again. Neither did his friends. He just spent time with them and enjoyed seeing all of them again before finding a job. Which he did, just a week after. “Guys. Look at this. I’ve been accepted.” “Knew you would make it in. // That’s so great we need to celebrate this. // When are you starting?” “Next week. They want me to be there next week.” 

Kris was happy, so were his friends. He got accepted into a big company here, their headquarter is in China, so his knowledge would be of good use. Everything was going well, not even a year later he was able to rent a house, paying it so that ever so slowly it could be his own. His life was coordinated now, finally.

“Yeah, I’m on my days off might even turn into a full vacaytion they said. Let’s meet with matt in a couple of days maybe?” “Sounds great. I’ll call you later okay? Have some things to do.” “Okay man, bye.” 

“We need to talk.” Oh man, who is this again. Why can’t I just have one relaxed day? He put his phone away and didn’t look at it for hours and hours. He didn’t even care. 

“Kris we need to talk. // It’s Yujin. // Kris??? // I’m in the hospital right now. // Call me when you’re free. // Kris it’s been hours where are you? // Yifan?... Please.” Without hesitating he called her back. No matter how angry he was, she was in hospital and he needed to know why. “What happened. What did you want.” “Can we talk?” “Uhh... Sure.” “Not on the phone.. Can you come over please.” 

She said it, and he did it. He went over to her, didn’t exactly know why he chose too. But he wanted to know what she wanted to talk about and so he tried not to think to much about this. “Hey thanks for coming. Do you want anything to drink tea, coffee?” “No thank you. Just tell me why you called me several times today.” “Kris... Kris I’m going back to china.” “And? You wanted to say goodbye this time?” “Kris... please. It’s not like that.-” They stopped instantly and Kris got up as soon as he heard a baby crying in another room. “A baby?!” “Kris.. That’s why I called you. She’s yours.” “WHAT?” “Yifan.. Calm down please. She’s yours... Remember the last time we met?” 

Kris walked up and down and didn’t want to believe. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?” “I was scared...” “Yujin stop lying. Nothing... Nothing happened...” “How can you know you were drunk.” “So what now. You tell me she’s mine and then? Take her with you? Why. What did you want?” “I want you to take care of her.” “WHAT?” “She’s yours. So why don’t you take her. Be responsible.” “Are you joking? I know myself. She’s not mine.” “She is.” “Let’s go and make a test then. My DNA and hers. Should be easy. I have the right to do that. The results might take a couple of days.” Yujin didn’t talk anymore at this point. She just stood there crying silent tears. “Ok...” 

After the test was taken none of them talked to the other. She was too scared and he too angry. He avoided meeting her and waited for the test results day in and out. When he heard the door bell three days later he rushed up. “Sir, you need to sign this.” An envelpe. Please... “Thank you.” 

He walked back into the house and took a deep breath. “Please..” He read through the letter saying that those tests could be wrong and there’s always a chance of them being the opposite of what’s written down, but 99.9% of the time they’re right. “... negative.” 

Yujin and Kris met hours later. Kris didn’t tell her anything he just said that he wanted to meet. “Why did you lie to me?” “What?” “I got the results this morning. Why did you lie?” “Kris...-” “I’m not her to listen to any other excuses. Either you tell me the truth now, or the next time we meet we’ll be on court.” “Can we sit down.. Look. I knew she wasn’t yours.. It was a mistake. She was. I never wanted a child this early. And I still don’t. I met someone in china. I came back with him... I was his affaire I guess. And she.. Probably happened just a day before the party of Jaya. I didn’t want to be alone so I.. just had her and now I’ll go back. No one knows that she’s there well... actually a lot of people do. I told them.. I told that she was yours but also that they should never talk about her when you’re there.-” “WHAT?” “I’m so sorry. But you’re the only one I trust...” “Did you leave me because of him back then?” “...yes. We both had.. affairs. I was just stupid enough to follow him whereever he goes. I can’t go to him.. I can’t trust him.. He wanted me to... He wanted to...” “Abortion?” “Yes... I knew that you would never want me to do that.. and that you wouldn’t ever leave a child alone...” Yujin was crying her eyes out but kris just sat there staring into nothing. “I need time. I will... I will call you tomorrow.” “I won’t be there then... I’ll leave her at my moms house...” “Your mom?” “Yes. Yes... She’s here too, she moved years ago. But we never told anyone. I’m sorry but I have to go now... She doesn’t know anything about the lie.. So please don’t tell her that... You know. She lives in the same house. Last floor.... If you want to check.” 

Yujin left, leaving Yifan behind. And he? Got home and thought. The whole night. The next day. He just thought. 

Days passed again and one time he just stood up and aimed straight to Yujins house. While walking he wrote a message to Yujin. “I’m taking her. Not for your sake. I don’t want her to grow up without any parents. And god knows how long your mother will stay here in England. She will be my daughter from now on and I won’t ever make her feel like something’s off. Don’t ever come back and if you do... don’t look for either of us.” 

“Kris you’re here.” “Where is she.” “Come in son, I’ll pack her things.” “Just give me the basics. I can buy the rest.” Yujins mother told him what to do and how to handle her. She didn’t do anything wrong and that’s why he silently listened without saying anything. And ones she brought the baby Kris’ world stopped. She wasn’t his, she would be he reason why he could lose his job. But she was tiny and innocent. He took her with no real expression on his face. And as soon as he left the door he looked at the baby again.

 “Hi Wen..” 

Part 1 (or 2 if you will) 

*****

[berrysphase]

NiF rewatch live blog part 8

Eps. 19-20, happy birthday to Jingrui!

MENG.  Oh, oh, this conversation is so perfect, every step of it. I had to actively stop myself from typing out the whole thing, because every exchange is so exactly right, but oh, Meng gives Jingyan two reasons why he might support him, and the first is cynical, and the second is true, "my friends, living and dead, would prefer that you win"; and Jingyan only says, "so -- you wish to stand with your friends."

I watched this scene three times in a row I am not even sorry

The emperor coming to visit Consort Jing for the first time in years is cross-cut with the most complete explanation yet of what happened 13 years ago -- and I never cease to be amazed at the construction of this show, Meng's exposition gives us (1) a reminder of just how much unspoken freight the emperor and Consort Jing are carefully dancing around, (2) the first, critical namedrop of the Xuanjing Bureau, and (3) vital opportunities to watch Jingyan look handsomely sad, I mean, underscore for the audience how much this is a righteous anger button for him, justifying MCS' emotional outburst (about keeping his true identity secret from Jingyan) last episode.

(Buttttttttt I'm confused, Meng says there was no one who dared to speak up, but aren't we told much later that several ministers and even a grand Prince were executed in the wake of the Chiyan case for questioning the Emperor?)

It is amazing to watch Consort Jing work.

Priest Chen lolllllll that went over my head completely Lin Chen must have made the most trollish Taoist priest

Oh god Nihuang says "I want you not to have to carry out this painful masquerade anymore" and MCS hears "I want you to be the unsullied person you used to be" and I need to go throw things and/or cry

I love how done Nihuang is with the posturing young men.

I also love how deftly the MCS household comedy leavens the very serious oh noez I am a bad person for hurting my friend :( business; I'm being flippant but it really does let the seriousness register while stopping it from flipping over into melodrama, and also, it is hilarious.

Speaking of which, Mu Qing is always the funniest and Xia Dong inviting herself to Jingrui's birthday party is also hilarious, aaaaaaand cut to Obvious Painful Irony as Yujin escorts Gong Yu to the party...

omg Xie Yu's shifty awkward eyes when Meng greets Zhuo Dingfeng -- and the way Xia Dong wrongfoots Xie Yu by playing on her ambiguously honorary-male status, she is the best

Wow, MCS really dressed up, didn't he! I don’t think he wears anything with patterns anywhere else in the entire series.

Liyang is visibly moved by the music while Xie Yu is just like oh geez when WILL it be over, this is like many many concerts I have been to and it is so funny, BUT THEN I looked up the song (Feng Qiu Huang) that Gong Yu plays, and ha no wonder why Liyang is crying and Xie Yu is gritting his teeth, and no wonder why Gong Yu MCS chose this song.

So it only just occurred to me that part of Lin Chen's charge must have been winding Yue Xiuze up about challenging Zhuo Dingfeng, which is ALL TOO EASY to imagine and I would read all the fic.

That is Zhuo’s sword that Xie Yu grabs when he rushes at Gong Yu, isn't it? That is rather on the nose.  But I love how completely and consistently the show gives us his character: this is the man who invokes the Chiyan case to manipulate the Emperor, who drinks the first toast to Meng after having killed his guards in order to oust him from his job, who will murder people in front of witnesses and only ask whom the Emperor will believe; who uses the child he failed to do away with as a tool to control the parents of the child he did kill.  (This is also the man who genuinely wants his wife’s affections and respect. And the show takes pains to show us that here too. ah)

This I am pretty sure I can blame on differences in the subtitles  -- Gong Yu really is saying that Liyang's servant switched the babies on purpose, ow

MCS looks so pleased when he finally gets his turn to confront Xie Yu. “The Marquis wants to push me through the gates of hell, too” -- again; it didn't stick the first time; this undercolors everything he says and every grimly satisfied bend to his smile.

(Meng is it smart to display your loyalties so openly)

The author, just like MCS, likes to hide one secret behind another; so there are lots of breadcrumbs leading us to put together Jingrui's birth secret before the reveal, leaving us to be completely gobsmacked by Gong Yu's tie to the mess.