#happened to my elementary school as well so i couldnt go on all the cool field trips my older sister had went on and i was salty about it--- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

danakin-skywalker · 3 years ago

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ho ho ho health legend!!

i hope that you had a great day and that your feet werent too sore to get out of bed and enjoy this lovely monday, december 13th! bc 33 flights?! im out bestie good for you tho

of course! i had like 7 different pixie hollow accounts because i would forget my login info every time🤦🏼‍♀️ and my nana was the only one with a computer, so until she made designated notebooks for my cousins and i, we just had random mixed up printer papers of passwords😂😂 im ashamed to admit i was never able to figure out club penguin so i couldnt play🧍🏼‍♀️

THE BANANNY WAGNER MEMES GOT ME !!!!!! i cant lie, i sent those to like six people they were so good. also, sweater danny🥺 but all the pics you were so pretty. i saw someone say today that he was sculpted like a greek god and i cant help but agree, sheesh!

im afraid today im back again with some basic questions ive somehow skipped over...

1. what other artists/genres do you listen to?

2. what is you favorite color?

3. how would you describe your personal style?

4. what are your sun, moon, & rising placements?

5. can you play any instruments?

6. do/did you play any sports?

7. what is one hidden talent you have?

remember santa loves u - and that youve brightened my month as well! but soon ill be able to just ask you anything, anytime once my true identity is revealed👀

🎅🏼

#26

Good morning Santa!!!!! I did manage to get out of bed yesterday but I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be bed-ridden again because today I have to go get my Covid booster, which I hear can be tough on the body.

I love the idea of your nana just keeping track of every grandkid’s login information for whatever site they happened to use. I’m also really glad you got as much of a kick out of bananny Wagner as I did bc I thought I was gonna piss myself laughing when I first found it.

So recently, I’ve been listening to a lot of artists suggested/recommended by the boys, and other artists I find from those artists. For example, I’ve been listening to a lot of Hozier, Stephen Stills (more often CSN&Y), and Jim Croce, and a lot of classic rock like Quiet Riot, Van Halen and Styx. I’ve been really having fun delving into music that has been well loved for years that I’m unfamiliar with. With the exception of Hozier and Greta I’m really not listening to a lot of modern music at the moment, which has been really cool since moving to a major city, kind of feels like a juxtaposition to listen to John Denver while staring at the manhattan skyline you know?

My two favorite colors are purple and green, but I really only like the very light shades or very dark shades of both colors. Like the pastels and the jewel tones. I’m not into the generic “this is green” green, do you know what I mean?

My personal style is tricky because I’m not spending a ton of time lately outside of my apartment, so right now my style is just comfortable and cozy loungewear. I suppose I haven’t really developed a personal style yet, I never know what to say for questions like this. I’m really more of a simple dresser, I like staple pieces I can wear a bunch of different ways. But the problem with that is I can never personally justify buying high quality staple pieces that can withstand wear. So long story short, I’m workin on it.

I am the most absolute textbook cancer sign you’ll ever meet. Like the logical part of my brain doesn’t want to believe in astrology, but I’m just such a fucking cancer that it’s hard to really discount it. Both my moon and rising signs are in Aquarius, and I actually have had a lot of Aquarius friends in the past.

Okay, let me walk you through my personal instrument timeline. So when I was really little (like under 10) my mom had my brother and I in piano and violin lessons. But then I’m pretty sure by the time we were 10 those stopped (to be fair, that was around when the recession hit). Then I learned recorder in elementary school like everybody else and when it came time to sign up for band and pick an instrument, I chose clarinet because it was similar to recorder. Then I played clarinet in band for four years, I even played bass clarinet for a year because the school had one and you really play it the same as a normal clarinet it’s just bigger and jankier.

Around this time I also decided I wanted to learn bass guitar. I distinctly remember not wanting to learn guitar because in my head basically everyone knew how to play guitar and I wanted to be ~different~ so I borrowed a bass and a beginners book from the school. My dad was ecstatic, it was then that I learned he used to play bass in college (when was he gonna tell me that if I never independently showed interest? The world may never know). BUT what happened was I came home one weekend from a Girl Scout camping trip and my mom had randomly bought me an acoustic guitar. She said she assumed that was what I really wanted to play but I think she did it because 1) she has a heart condition that gets really bothered by bass notes and 2) full disclosure my dad didn’t have the healthiest relationship in alcohol back in the day and I’m sure she thinks this relates to the kind of world a bass player would be in.

Regardless, I was pressured to switch to guitar. And I hated it. There was something about the strings on the guitar she got me that made them terrible for beginners, even the guy I was getting lessons from told me to get it re-stringed. I had to press down so hard for any noise to come out that it made it really difficult to switch chords. And then I gave up when I found out nearly every song I wanted to learn to play has a barre chord in it. My fingers were just NOT callousing and I didn’t like how everybody in the world it seemed could hear me when I was trying to practice. Sometimes I wonder if I had kept with the bass if I would’ve gotten good at it, I made a lot more progress a lot more quickly than I did with guitar. But alas.

I mentioned skiing before, but the only sport I kept with through high school was Track & Field. I was a thrower, my events were shotput and discus. I wasn’t particularly great at it, but I wasn’t doing it to be the best on the team. The track and field team was like a massive family, it consisted of roughly the same group that jumped together from Cross Country Running to Nordic Skiing to Track, with the same coach running all three. I absolutely hate running, especially the way they do it, so track was really the only one I could stick with. But the vibes were unmatched I miss that squad.

Okay this question stopped me for a second. A hidden talent? I’m just gonna list of random things I’m good at. Like I said, I have camp counselor experience, so if you know what boondoggle is I’m a master at that (including and especially starting them off). I’m also pretty good at joint rolling but only the ~cool people~ get to find that out when they see it in action. I’m not sure if this counts but I’m also really good at memorizing lyrics. Pretty much every song I like I know most of the words to, if not all. Even if I haven’t heard a song in like a decade, if I learned the words once at some point in my life they will come running back to me.

I love you Santa I can’t wait until after Christmas when I’m DMing you excitedly every time I get a new record. I hope your Jacob Thomas Tuesday goes smoothly friend.

#secret santa #26

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queer-as-frikc · 4 years ago

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My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

#transphobia #transphobia tw #biphobia tw #abuse tw

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noahhernandez · 4 years ago

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2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same !

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me.

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol.

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol.

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago.

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit.

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected.

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it.

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness.

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library.

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so. IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot.

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me.

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds.

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying.

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>???

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of.

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward.

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it.

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :(

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful.

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes.

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer.

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think 39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school). 40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart.

#personal

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strawberryspeachy · 5 years ago

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So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

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sailor-cresselia · 6 years ago

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Zi-O 34: *Insert Cake Boss Joke Here*

Blah, blah, insert apology for delay here, add in comments about how I’m totally going to watch the two Rider Time trilogies soon, off hand mention of HeiGen Forever’s raw being out, etc etc.

On to the liveblog. I’ve been at this for a long while now, there were. Distractions. (I swear, I really am working on my fics, guys. That was one of the distractions! I promise!)

Todoroki accuses Kyosuke of not only forgetting the Oni code, but of being too soft to take the Hibiki title. Interesting.

Woz’s intense need to Recap is enough to draw him out of a BSOD induced ‘nap’. That’s dedication to his part right there.

Aw, Junichiro’s not entirely certain what’s going on this time around, and looks like he’s kind of intimidated by Kyosuke’s over-the-top stoicism. ...Relatable.

Geiz rightfully calls Kyosuke out on making them go through the training while lying about being Hibiki, and is, of course, shot down by Stubborn McNotHibiki.

Said stubborn git also refuses to answer Sougo’s incredibly justified question as to whether he was the ‘Hibiki’ who trained Tsutomu, so… Sougo asks if Geiz will stay at the shop, while he and Tsukuyomi go to talk to Todoroki.

Poor Woz. Still coming off of his Blue Screen, he gets dragged off with them. While still in a fifty-percent bluescreen state.

“I… don’t remember how to rejoice…? Me…?” ‘Clearly,’ he has no purpose outside of his Proclamations.

Actually… Sougo’s been telling Woz off about the speeches lately, since he keeps trying to do them whenever they go into Trinity. That keeps throwing off the fights, and is driving both Geiz and Sougo up a wall. Maybe he really is losing his old touch.

Hm. So, yeah, Hibiki is, as said earlier, a title, much like being a True Kamen Rider is. It’s downright offensive of Kyosuke to call himself that, when he apparently dropped out as the former Hibiki’s apprentice. To say nothing of taking on an apprentice not only under false pretenses, but while clearly not ready to do so.

This also raises the question of what happened to the former Hibiki, but I don’t exactly think we’ll get that answered.

And Todoroki doesn’t have an apprentice, doesn’t think he’s ready to be a mentor. This, with him having been Todoroki for… hang on, pulling up the wiki because I forgot the year… since 2005, so for around 14 years now. And, as an aside, he didn’t study under ‘the previous Todoroki.’ He studied under Zanki, and said that he… if I remember hearing correctly, that he didn’t feel worthy of his master’s title. So, that’s interesting.

(As an aside, I recently started watching Decade, and just got through the Blade Arc. So it was a bit of a treat when I got to go “Hey! I know that guy!” when Narutaki summoned the AR Todoroki.)

Also… Sougo being all “you dont think your ready for an apprentice, but why not practice for a day? You’re seeing it as a personal weakness, and I have a Loyal Retainer here who’s having some sort of crisis of faith. Maybe you can help each other work through those! :)”

I pout in your general direction, Kyosuke. How dare you insult Junichiro’s cooking! And us having just met Agito, too! So it’s not even a good Distraction Technique, it’s just rude. Besides…

Kyosuke’s more than salty enough to make up for any imagined deficit.

>:3

Geiz left the yearbook out on the table, to get Kysouke to look at it. Geiz is having exactly none of your shit, Kyosuke, you betrayed a small child.

The ‘reading’ fading as he shuts the book is a nice touch.

Geiz: >:( where are you going?

Kyosuke: none of your business >:\

Junichiro: I found the salt! :) … oh. Now everyone’s taken off again… :(

Tsukuyomi: I don’t think leaving Woz to his own devices is a good idea right now. :\ Or inflicting him on anyone else.

Sougo: It’s fine. :)

Ooooh, I really like this fight so far. Kyosuke’s trying to be the one to snap Tsutomu out of his Another Hibiki Rage, but. You know. Can’t thwart stage one, and all. Dude’s not Hibiki, and you need the Specific Riders Power to win. Unless you have something like Zi-O II on hand.

Sougo goes straight into Zi-O II, since, well, it looks like they aren’t getting the correct RideWatch today, after all. I don’t think we’ve seen Zi-O II in a running transformation before now, either, he’s usually stationary.

Yeah, Kyosuke, Tsutomu and Sougo were friends. Why did you think he knew his name back at the shop?

I like the slight reverb effect whenever Sougo’s sword lands a blow, it’s really neat. I think it’s meshing the Cool Techno Music from this transformation with the Drum Aesthetic of Hibiki. It’s neat.

And that’s only added to when Kyosuke catches the finishing attack with his hands. Like. WOW that’s actually REALLY badass, man, I am impressed by that. There’s a sort of… skipping noise? Like a note interrupting itself over and over? I don’t know how to describe it… kind of like a really fast stuck record, but electronic.

But also…. Do Not Block Finishing Moves. That is how people DIE.

See? Now you’re down, and Another Hibiki’s run off. Good going.

:sigh: Sougo, he intentionally took that finisher. Like an idiot. A well meaning one, because he obviously wants to keep Sougo and Geiz from attacking Tsutomu, but still not a good idea. And then he’s an asshole. “No, obviously I’m not okay.”

Sougo, you don’t need to apologize. He’s the one who ran in there.

Kyosuke: “I don’t want your help. Buzz off. I’m the only Kamen Rider Oni we need around here. >:|”

None of the trio is impressed with you, dude.

AHAHAHA Todoroki has Woz doing laundry. (Nice reaction there, bud. I mean, I kind of agree, but way to keep your cool. We totally think you’re a stoic, noble, retainer for your overlord. Yup. That sure is what we’re thinking about you this arc.)

Woz, I get that physical labor isn’t usually your thing, and I get where you’re coming from, but if you’d just told Sougo even a little of what the problem is, you wouldn’t have landed yourself in this situation.

Also, you’re way overthinking the whole birthday thing. You’re not Kogami. Don’t try to be Kogami. Trust me. Do not try to be the cake boss.

And Todoroki’s right – just being with someone is often enough. (I mean, he probably just broke the hearts of any parents who watched Hibiki, but that’s just how it goes.)

After all.

What has Sougo wanted for years, possibly even more than being a king?

He’s wanted friends.

KYOSUKE. You can’t even go sulk properly? At least go further than one building length away.

Anyway, Sougo has to be direct with you. You’ve dodged literally every question that anyone’s asked today. Cut it out.

~ahahaha yes~ Over Quartzer’s acoustic version kicks in for Kyosuke waxing nostalgic about Hibiki.

And turns out that Tsutomu used to say the same things about him.

Okay. Okay i’m. i’m actually starting to cry a little, here. Flashback to when Sougo and Tsutomu were in third grade, Tsutomu’s being bullied about wanting to be an Oni. Sougo RUNS up and shouts the bullies down. Literally shouts – practically screams at them to not make fun of peoples dreams.

They wonder why anyone should care what the new kid thinks, and walk off because they’re bored now.

This means that Sougo’s just transferred in. He’s probably still fresh off of his parents’ deaths. They died less than a month into the school year, so he would have moved in with Junichiro two, maybe three months in, depending on how long he had to stay in the hospital. (probably not nearly as long as Hiryu did.)

Sougo’s brand new here, doesn’t have any friends – won’t have any real friends, knowing what we know of how he turns out – and he jumps to Tsutomu’s defense.

They promptly introduce themselves to each other, their high-reaching dreams included.

(Tiny!Sougo is TINY, especially compared to his classmates. Even the shortest of the bullies is taller than him. He’s so little.)

[At this point, I accidentally paused for over a half hour, because I thought of how to fix a section in chapter three of Press Start to Continue that I was having trouble phrasing. That then led to me patching up several other sections. Why with the small 8 year old protags and the vehicular accidents, Toei…]

Kysouke doesn’t believe that Tsutomu would have called him his hero. He’s none of these amazing things that Hibiki was, he lied about being Hibiki to this small child.

But Tsutomu didn’t know that. He probably found out, and he’s probably pissed at you now, but when he was an elementary schooler… Kyosuke was Hibiki.

Sougo: Work with us. We can save him together. :)

Tsukuyomi: WE FOUND ANOTHER HIBIKI!

Kysouke: … alright. let’s go.

This initial scene in the warehouse is really touching.

Kysouke knows he screwed up, but he couldnt’ help but train Tsumotu – the kid was just so eager to learn.

Training Tsutomu is what made Kyosuke a real Oni. Maybe not Hibiki, not then, but it was… I think that he thinks that was enough, for then. And that is why he’s going to save Tsutomu. He owes him that.

Todoroki listens to all of this from outside the door.

A pink light glows in Kyosuke’s pocket.

(A blogger jumps back to episode 33, to see if they had shown him a blank watch the first time they went to 9-to-5. They had not, they displayed the Zi-O watch. Drat.)

“Master… is this your way of saying I’m ready?”

We have a different passing down of the powers than those before. Whether it’s in Hibiki or in Zi-O.

I still don’t like you, Kyosuke, but. I think this was a really good way to go about this.

Todoroki looks uncertain still. But. He isn’t stepping in. he knew the prior Hibiki. And he said at the top of the episode, that if Kysouke couldn’t take care of the problem, then he would. And now he’s leaving.

Just in time for Woz to stride on in.

Woz: IWAE! A TITLE HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN!

Geiz: (Oh no here we go.)

Sougo: (...is he back to normal now? Or what counts as normal? Even I know he’s weird…)

Woz: I am sorry I was so unprofessional before.

Sougo just nods mutely. (“This is fine.”)

He doesn’t know what your deal has been today, Woz. And at this point, it doesn’t matter. It’s battle time!

Sougo: It’s trinity time!

Woz and Geiz, in unison: WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WE’RE STILL NORMAL SOUGO NO-

AHAHAHA THE TRINITY WATCH DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE TRANSFORMED YET OR NOT I’M SO SORRY BOYS

And also apparently it feels wrong to get turned into a wristwatch.

(I tell you, watching Decade now was a great choice. The universal reaction of “WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE” is a gift. The Final Form Rides themselves, not so much. But it’s enough that once Tsukasa shows up in ReUnited, Philip and Shotaro are the ones who are going to warn people. “We’re all teaming up to kick his ass, he has it coming so many times over, but Do NOT Turn Your Back On Decade, he can do Weird Shit to you.”)

That aside, Sougo tries to get them into a fighting pose, but Woz’s gotta Woz. He Must Rejoice. It is in the very fiber of his being. He’s not above hijacking the body. And inside they’re just so resigned to it at this point. Sougo’s little pout when they’re lined up oh my god. (Geiz’s arm is trying not to punch Woz’s. I don’t think he can hold back much longer.)

(Let Geiz have the steering wheel at some point, guys! It’s only fair!)

Kyo- Hibiki: Is that really necessary?!

Sougo: …I mean, we’ve tried to talk him out of it, but…

Geiz: (literally shoving Woz’s arm down) F THIS LETS FIGHT!

And this… eh. It’s a fight. I still like the Trinity finisher(s) – I think I noticed before that there’s projections of the three boys right before they attack. But I didn’t catch that it calls out all three of their ‘finisher names’ in sequence, the same way it calls their Rider names. So that’s a neat touch.

And, at the Passing of the Watch, much like with Blade, Chalice, and Agito…

“Are you sure you want to hand this over? It’s your power. You finally get to be Hibiki.”

“It’s fine. I can find my own path.”

...The lighting in this scene is really nice. It’s not a type we see in Zi-O, though. Is this a visual reference to Hibiki the season? I know that cinematography wise, the first half was very different from the rest of Kamen Rider. And since they had the kanji flashing on screen in this and the previous episode, is this another way of calling back? There’s a lot more bloom than we’ve had before, is all.

“Will you train me again?”

“It won’t be easy.”

“Don’t care!”

That’s really nice. All three of them – Sougo, Kyosuke, and Tsutomu – are making their way down their respective paths.

…

All four of them. Todoroki seems to think he might be ready to take on an apprentice of his own.

But he has to run it by Hinaka first.

TODOROKI. DID YOU GET TO MARRY HER? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT TO MARRY THE GIRL WHAT HAD A CRUSH ON YOU!

YOU GO HINAKA. WIN THAT DORK OVER.

((Unfortunately, Toei can’t include her beyond a name drop. Miyuki Kanbe, who played Hinaka Tachibana, passed away in 2008. Incidentally, she was the third actress to play Sailor Moon in the stage musicals, which explains why her name looked familiar when I went to the page for Hinaka on the KR Wiki.))

Okay enough of the sappy stuff! Back to 9-to-5!

In the dark.

On Sougo’s birthday.

Which he has made exactly zero mention of himself.

you guys I really don’t think sougo cares about his birthday. I know they aren’t going to bring this up in someone elses tribute episode, but. The bus thing. Literally four days before his ninth birthday. Puts a damper on it. Just as a reminder. Woz whatever you’re planning may be a bad idea.

:sigh: FLASHY SPEECH TIME.

Geiz and Tsukuyomi are just. Used to this. I think they may have helped him write it. Even Geiz has this sort of. Fond resignation to his expression. ...That, or he’s getting a kick out of seeing Woz make a fool of himself. Could be both.

WHO LET WOZ PUT THE RIDEWATCHES ON THE CAKE.

THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

YOU CAN’T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THEY’RE REPLICAS. THE OVERHEAD ZOOM OUT OF THE ROOM SHOWS THE TABLE WITH THE WATCH STAND. IT’S EMPTY. GUYS WHY.

Aaaaand then my heart broke a little inside.

Sougo’s toy robot, the one that could someday give rise to Rento, is next to the cake, holding up a little sign.

Junichiro: Uh, wait, hang on, you’ve been saying ‘overlord’… you mean ‘king’, right? Please?

Tsukuyomi: Yup! Sure! Just a slip of the tongue! You know how over dramatic Woz gets! (Please don’t dig any deeper!)

And yeah. Sougo completely forgot it was his birthday.

(So, rankings between Sougo, Shinnosuke, and Takeru… which of these riders handles their birthdays going forward the worst?)

(i’m kidding, i’m kidding.)

(mostly)

And then there were four.

Only four more watches to go.

Kiva, who’s coming up in the next arc. Okay, technically the current arc, since it’s Sunday now.

Drive, who might be the next one after that. After all, we did just get the Brain special – with five returning actors.

Kabuto, who… I know jack all about Kabuto, actually. I’ve managed cultural osmosis for parts of literally every one of the Phase One Heisei Riders except for Kabuto. I’ve never heard anything except about some sort of Grandma complex, and something about food. That’s literally all I’ve got.

Four… I guess they must not have gotten Den-O in the movie after all?

I’m planning on watching that, at least in raw form, tomorrow. So. Look forward to that!

As for the preview… I’m pretty sure that woman could kill a man.

And. Um. Are those AnotherVersions of the Fangires from Kiva? Or is that just what they looked like, and Toei brought the old suits back out? I mean, they’ve been kitbashing a lot of old suits together lately, so it could go either way.

Anyway! That’s 34 Episodes of Kamen Rider Zi-O, in the bag! In the archives? The Recap Vault? ... I don’t even know anymore. I’m getting a little out of it. It’s been a rough week. :waves:

#kamen rider zi o #sailorcressy says

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ftscge-blog · 7 years ago

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greetings friends (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ im jay and im excited to b finally making an obnoxious entrance .. Yea couldnt be more late but please (Softly begging) dont be a stranger. i promise to overwhelm u with ideas and headcanons about our characters eating pasta or arguing about who gets to eat the pink mentos ... Right ??? right. under the cut u will find a few pointers about my spiritual sage and i will post some possible connections tomorrow (although id be MOre than happy to brainstorm more). Also, dis klutz hasnt got a soulmate yet so if someone reads this and goes ‘yea cool’ ☺ .. here is ur chance ....... we can work magic ????? okay

as per usual, if u would like me to im u about conspiracy theories or to plot summnnn bonito give this a HEart. Alternatively if u want to give mark the zucc or pity like, dats also welcome. Thank u

!!!!!!!! tw: death, depression !!!!!

kendall jenner + cisfemale + she/her — have you met sage hawke? they are a twenty-two year old furniture sales advisor known as the conundrum. a pansexual cancer, they are astute + attentive, as well as mercurial + phlegmatic. their soulmark is a olive branch behind her ear, and they can’t feel the emotions of their soulmate, who happens to look like any fc. // jay. 20. she/her. gmt.

❃ sage was born in berkeley, california in the back garden of a school bus turned tiny house to a pair of flower children that did not plan to become parents and underestimated just how much it would shift their otherwise, spontaneous lives. they were far from picture perfect, with their tendency to outburst and get stuck when things didn’t go their way. theyd often forget to pack sages breakfast or dress her in unmatched socks, leave her unattended, allow her to squeeze herself into places where she shouldn’t be.. they’d trip over pacifiers and forget to warm up the milk but they gave sage a warm place to come back to with muddy knees after repeatedly falling off the monkey bars and loving arms to fall into after someone made fun of her in elementary.. and she was the kind of person who wasn’t afraid to dig through dirt

❃ her mother was delicate, she could never secure a real job.. she couldn’t be criticised, she took everything to heart and found it hard to open up to people.. she couldn’t be alone for too long and never slept with the lights off. she met sage’s father at the age of 19..from the moment they saw each other, it clicked. they were soulmates. he was 10 years older than her. He was a childish spirit that never grew up, he never took things too seriously and always had an alternative for any situation. He had a backbone that was able to support both of them emotionally, without him, Sage would have never taken her first breath in the first place. For him, it was always going to be okay eventually??? he was the one to sit sage down after she brought home a bad grade, he’d read her the bedtime stories and teach her her first guitar chords. her mother always looked up to what he would do and try to be the same, but it always felt staged, detached. like she never knew how to react around sage. Like she couldn’t grip her own struggles so, how could she begin to understand her daughters ... difference is, her father thought he couldn’t but he always tried. they balanced each other. around him, it was hard to believe anything could possibly get worse

❃ but it did.. on her 14th birthday sage got a dog, a golden doodle that jumped with excitement at the sight of sage as much as she did at the sight of him. later that night, her father suggested they all go to a park to enjoy the first day with the new addition to their family and so they did. it was the first time, sage’s mother smiled so big it gave sage and her father goosebumps. he was playing fetch with the dog when pain pierced through his chest and bolted up his spine. in that moment, everything slowed down. sage felt her ears buzz and her sight get blurry, the moment she kneeled down in front of her father and begged her mother to call for help but instead, all she did was stood still. she screamed at the top of her lungs and tried dialling for help but realised, she was never taught the emergency number. she banged her fists against her father’s chest and begged for him to wake up, but it was just as though someone turned off his on switch. sage broke down, curled up beside her father and held the dog in her arms as though to repress his playful nature. the world turned grey that evening, the air felt denser. her mother was taken under care that day after she succumbed from witnessing her soulmates death... they had given her a couple of days before her light would turn off along with her soulmark. it was in these last days that sage learned more about her mother than ever. she learned that she was self conscious about motherhood knowing she couldn’t teach sage the qualities that mattered like resilience, courage and acuity. that she observed without interrupting, that she remembered every single detail of sage’s life more than she recalls her own. sage learned that her mother is where she inherited her tenderness and idiosyncrasy from, that her favorite flower is a blue bell and that sage was her happiest accident

❃ to bury both of her parents at once wasn’t irrational to sage, it was what was ingrained in their destiny. if one soulmate dies, the other most likely follows. but although sage had remarkable understanding of the world for her age, she could never accept the fact that they were there one day and the next, they were gone. her father never finished teaching her guitar chords and her mother never ate her piece of sage’s birthday cake. how do you go on knowing you can’t go back and replay something in a way that feels tangible ?? how do you go on knowing you are all alone. who do you complain to?? who is there to live for??? ? it is hard losing both of your parents on its own and even harder to accept when you are old enough to make sense of it. seeing images everytime you try to rest that bring back all the pain, not being able to stop the tears from streaming down your face because everytime u do, you realise that with each passing day the memory of their faces becomes more blurry. the voices become ruffled in your brain as if theyre just a fragment of your imagination. you bottle up. you scream, you hit, you tire yourself out and try to shake the feeling off but it feels as though its ripping through your bones and leaving ulcers on your heart that pound in pain everytime you go back to the last time you’ve smiled and realising, you cannot remember. sage’s unapologetic demeanour attracted the wrong crowd. she was the girl who would leave lipstick marks on necks and who’s voice could be heard at the other end of the hallway having an argument with her high school sweetheart. whoever it was that month. she was unapologetically eccentric, sloppy and unwell. but to this day, the people who really know her see her as an incredibly sensitive individual who deals with her issues hands on. who’s piercingly honest, sometimes too much. someone who is able to convey their vulnerability in ways that seem lunatic and astute all at once. she is incredibly tough, she’s able to force anyone look at themselves in the mirror, see themselves in a new light and turn their lives around. just as she is convinced she did

❃ sage was placed in foster care after her parents’ passing and due to her neurotic nature, was never a feasible candidate for adoption.. she worked as a waitress at the local diner owned by a family friend until they realised she was better off helping the chef in the kitchen, away from the customers that often walked right out the Moment sage graced their table JGRIEOGJEI When she turned 18, Sage was given a care plan and various locations where she could make her home. After spending a month, digging through job advertisements and applying to anything that didn’t require a college degree, Sage got one reply. It was an informal email requesting an interview for a furniture sales advisor in captiva island, florida. one of the places on the care plan list. She packed everything she could and moved to Captiva. the next morning, she arrived at the furniture shop and was greeted by a greying man with wood sand on his jeans and a lady with too much hairspray in her hair waving at her from across the counter. And the rest is HISTORY ??? from the moment they’ve welcomed her into their shop, Sage was overwhelmed with the same disorderedness she grew up around and the more she got to know the personalities of her new bosses, the more she learned to appreciate them. coming into work felt more like home than the place she had lived in, with freshly baked pastries ready for her to munch on at her break or a story to listen to in between the busy times. the more they knew sage, the more they allowed her to express her feelings about daily frustrations, accepted her random spurts of energy and understood when she needed a day off or two, or more. soon enough, the moments when she wasn’t at work, she was spending on their couch, looking through their albums of children that had left their nests and simpler times, when all they had to worry about was their curfew. they weren’t soulmates but they were best friends and didn’t let destiny determine their life. Sage looked up to them like no other, comparing their life to the tragedy of her parents’, convincing herself that chasing after your Soulmate, whoever it may be, isn’t worth the chance of risk at all. After working there for 4 years, Sage became like family to the owners of the shop and for her 21st birthday, they decided to gift her with their offering of parenthood. Later that summer, the Hawke family became sages legal parents

❃ i will post some questionnaire later to clarify her personality a little more but it’ll all come through her dialogue .. u know who she reminds me of ??? sophia from girl boss??? or tiffany from silver linings playbook?? shes painfully observant and a huge overthinker. she doesn’t filter her speech and oftentimes, she says things she should not on impulse. she’s neurotic, she’s erratic, she will pick petty fights and blow things out of proportion when you catch her on the wrong day. its like that lyrics thoUGH ‘when im happy oh god im happy??’ you will see it from the way her eyes crinkle and the ways she can’t seem to relax her body. every emotion overwhelms her.. she loves and she protecc until her knuckles bleed and she’s stubborn, she’ll never let you win the argument unless she loves u and she understands that u are probably way wiser than she is. Shes a klutz, she’ll trip over her own feet taking out the trash and spill Literally everything that isnt left empty. She likes little moments in life, the profound ones like that one time her friend let her drive his car even through she didn’t have her driving license or that one time her friend opened up to her even though they never do. She remembers all of those profound moments very clearly and holds onto them for dear life because to her, they are what matters .. Please plot w me if u got to this point because ... DAMNNN :’) u really read all det.....

❃ why the olive branch ??? its understood to be a symbol of peace .. reconciliation. maybe they met it felt like an ice pack on a bruise ?? maybe they met each other and it felt as though there’s been some kind of a mistake, that they were nothing what they expected their soulmate to be ? maybe they even considered removing their soulmark because it felt so wrong that two polar opposites were meant to make things work?? it almost felt unfair??? maybe even the fact that they can’t feel the emotions of their soulmate can be linked to that .. because u know it would be harder to learn to love, platonically or romantically, someone who you cant easily understand? in addition to that, sage is not an easy person to deal with .. she’s erratic, she’s a know-it-all .. she overthinks like no other, shes easily irritated and explosive and she has always been quite cynical about the idea of a soulmate and it shows with how unwilling she is to share all of herself with a stranger.. a part of her written in destiny. Something shes convinced is ... fickle?? So yeah... an olive branch. For all the profound moments when it feels just right. For when the uncertainty fades away :-)

#this is Maaaaad long and im SOrry.#but hello :-)#cap.intro #if thats the wrong tag call me a boo boo the fool ..#Sorry if this is annoying and doesnt make sense #Which it might not. cause dats literally a whole ass ESSAAAAAAAY #smack me with a baking tin

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daemonjpeg · 7 years ago

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Werewolf?

“🎃Werewolf: What is your favorite urban legend?”

I haven’t really thought much into this one, to be quite honest. I happen to live in a pretty nice place with a lot of old history, being from the Santa Cruz mountains in California. i my favorite urban legend would have to be The White Lady of Ocean Street, (where you can find some info HERE as well as other spooky stories from my area)

another one of my favorites is actually a little closer to me, the myths about The Brookdale Lodge. i personally believe in ghosts, and in this place, which i have been to a number of times, i have had experiences, and so has my mother, a good 5 years before i was born. HERE is some information about the Brookdale Lodge itself, and here are some of my personal stories under the cut!!!

the first time i went to the Brookdale Lodge i was about 5 or so. i was invited to a friends birthday party, where they rented out the entire pool. this was shortly before the pool got shut down again, and it has been shut down since then. i have long since forgotten about this friend (to be honest i dont even remember her name, which makes me feel a little bad, but you cant expect to remember every single name from elementary school)

i was an awful swimmer at this age (and still am to this day to be honest), so i was decked out with the little swimming goggles with the breathing tube thing and flotation devices. i had a thing for plunging under the water and blowing bubbles out of the breathing tube, which i could never watch because i was too scared to sit at the bottom of the pool.

now the cool thing about this pool in particular is that it the deep end, there is a window to a room down below, so that you can see people dancing to the band thats playing in the miniature ball room below. this room, however, had been closed off for some years before i went to this party, as the pool had a nasty habit of leaking into that room and causing a lot of mildew problems.

one of my dives was closer to that end of the pool, and i found myself peering into the window, into the “mermaid room” as it was called, and there standing before me was a little girl, completely drenched, pale and sickly looking, holding a doll, waving to me. in my childish brain, i thought she was just one of the kids from our party, but looking back on it now, i know that she wasnt even wearing swim clothes, let alone looked like he was from this time period at all. when i resurfaced, i asked my mom why there was a girl down there. she looked below for me, and told me that no one was there.

i came to find out later that there was a girl that drown in that very pool i swam in around 30 yeas prior, and another girl had drown in the brookroom, a room with a running river through it, that was only a room away from the “Mermaid Room”

years later i came back as an edgy teenager, coming to watch a concert in the Mermaid Room before the Brookdale Lodge was shut down once again. it was the day before halloween, everyone was dressed up, and the friend i went to this concert with and i decided to take a walk around outside. he was smoking a cigarette and making light-hearted conversation, but i couldnt help but to feel uneasy. something was watching us, it felt like.

while we walked past the Brookroom, the one i have previously mentioned to have a river running through it, i felt a burning hot hand on my shoulder, and hot breath on my neck.

at first, i thought i was going to have to kick my friend for being a creep, but when i looked up from the river i noticed my friend was in front of me, not behind me. when i turned, there was absolutely nothing there and BOY HOWDY was that worse than something actually being there for me!!!!!!!!

the Brookdale Lodge has been closed for some time now, its under new ownership and is being fixed up, which seems to be quite the task, as it isnt news that wall paper gets ripped down by “nothing”, or bookshelves are found on completely different floors than they are suppose to be. hopefully soon, however, it will be opened to the public again, and you can bet your ass im gonna get a hotel room there and stay a night.

but dont worry ill be safe about it and shit, and ill scoot if things look too bad!!

#anonymous #sean speaks

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago

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i can remember going to like five bday parties

1. kid in preschool who invited pretty much everyone. all i remember was going up the driveway

2. kid in elementary school named tommy who didn't have hardly any friends, same. we went to the bowling alley and i'm sure that was great. i'm cool with bowling.

just remembered i had a kinda friend named sophia for a few years cuz our moms worked together or smthing. she was fun we just didnt see each other that much. also had a friend in early elementary school named michael who i enjoyed being around, which was rare i actively wanted to be friends with someone, he was cool too. i think he went to a different school after a couple of grades tho. another rare friend i wanted to be friends with was the one where we were both so quiet that im not even sure we spoke the same language, in a literal sense. but that was the one where one day i guess the teacher wanted to make an example out of a couple quiet kids who never did anything coz we were getting a kick out of looking at each other thru the holes in our folders and it wasnt even a lesson but i had to carry my assigned desk across the room and for someone who interprets attention as dangerous it was a trial for me though i pretended it was fine coz i have had a stubborn streak since old enough to have like any traits at all. other people i wanted to be friends with pre-college: josh, who i was friends with, but after we went to different schools and i found him on facebook he refused to talk to me coz he was going through a hardcore late emo phase i guess and i hope that part of his life has settled; emily, who was cute and friendly and we were acquaintances who shared classes but i never spoke to anyone and we never got a friendship going thru coincidence, saw her years later at my summer job and she seemed alive; arissa, who i was friends with and could goof around with but then we went to different schools and never had any contact since

3. a sorta friend from since-preschool, this one was pretty fun, it was a smallish sleepover and we watched a movie and did the thing where you pour some colors into a mold and bake ur own custom superball, there were fireflies too, her parents were nice.

4. a friend who had a pool party which was great b/c i like pools. accidentally gave her a present meant for my dad because they were the same size and i wrapped them together coz their birthdays are close together and i didnt even realize it until my dad opened the one meant for her a few days later. classic

5. a friend who went to a concert kind of but it was like a mom concert especially since her mom took us and it was fine but i dont count it as my first concert which was me sneaking off to see kesha. it was good except she hadnt ever said it was a birthday thing so i hadnt brought a gift and there was only one other person invited, who totally had. Classic

6. just remembered another one which was a elementary school friend for a couple years, all i remember really happening was using coloring books and she got really stressed about finding a marker she'd just gotten as a gift because her parents would be mad. also got stressed when something spilled i think. i recognized that pretty easily so im really assuming her parents were abusive too. she wasnt always that great a friend though and it made me mad, like one time in art class she asked my advice on how to fix flower stems she'd painted too wide and i said well all i could really think to do was use some white paint on it, and when she did that and the paint didnt opaquely cover up what she'd painted she got mad at me and for some reason stole my scissors to get even with me for ruining her painting. third grade me didnt think that was cool. plus she always took half my sandwich at lunch, like, bro. but that wasnt as annoying as the time a friend in middle school who was one of the only people to actually hang out with me was not only going thru a period of not hanging out with me but also only talking to me to get my math homework to copy from during lunch. and then one day she didnt even give it back before lunch and our next period was math and anyways i was upset about getting a zero but then i didnt care pretty quickly. she was pretty nice anyway. and i came to give like rock bottom amt of shits abt school within time so looking back im definitely not even mad. that scissors thing was still out of line tho by contrast

thrillingly i thought of that topic coz once i tagged along to a bday party of one of my sister's friends, my sister being a person who actually has friends. it was pretty fun and it was just backyard running around and one of them let me race them around in circles on a bike, which i recognized as gracious from a kid three years older. i think that was where my sister got a plastic cup that looked like a coconut that my mom took and threw away later to punish her for whatever and i remember coz my sister cared enough about it to ask her not to throw it away but of course that doesnt work

i had a bday party once? in elementary school. i guess we saw a movie but im not sure what it was. and it was a sleepover so apparently i couldnt invite my friends who were boys, which was at least half of the precious few of them, which i thought was dumbassed as hell, on account of it was. plus for like weeks in advance my mom threatened to cancel it for whatever thing of the day was pissing her off. probably not playing piano for thirty minutes a day which i never wanted to do but for some reason had to do for years because i made the mistake of wanting to do the thing my sister was when i was like five and a clueless fucko. and we owned a piano. idk why my mom gave a shit that if we showed any interest in learning we Had to, for 30 min a Day which is an eternity in kid time, and also we couldnt stop. that was a weird thing that i forget about. i forget about 86% of my life and 93% of the first third or two because there is not much worth remembering as you can imagine. i mean, its mostly there in my memory, its just hard to pull up anything unless i have a specific reminder of a certain memory or else just try really hard i guess. i'm just out here, who knows what was going on back then. besides bs

#long post /////#which is about nothing

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wewontliveforeversomakeitworthit · 7 years ago

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My Story

Hi, my name is Lisa and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is January 3rd 2017 I have a home group, love and service in Rochester NY, i have a sponsor, i have a service position and I am currently working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I shared at the forensics unit at our psych center and nothing came out right and i didn’t actually know how to share my story so I’m going to try to gather my thoughts and share it on here before my next share. I grew up in what would appear to be just a totally normal middle class home in Henrietta NY. I have 4 older sisters and 2 incredibly loving amazing supportive and sometimes absolutely insane parents. While i was growing up I felt exactly how alot of people say that they did too, i felt different, left out and not good enough for anybody. In elementary school I was already a compulsive liar, telling people that i had boyfriends and stupid stuff like that. I turned to food to hide my feelings and to hide myself and that turned into me being bullied for being over weight. And even from that young age i took the things that those people said to me straight to heart and it was gospel and they were right, I was fat, i had awful acne, i was ugly and nobody would ever love me because of my appearance. I decided I wanted to lose that weight when i was going into 8th grade and I lost some of it and was actually pretty normal for the most part at that time. I then thought i was completely in love with a guy in 8th grade who was also my best friend and we hung out over that winter break and i thought something was going to happen, like obviously we were going to be in love and get married but instead he told me that he didn’t want me in that way, turns out hes actually gay now but it sent me on a downward spiral into mental illness that was lurking in the shadows of my life since I could think. I developed anorexia and starved myself every day until i got down to about 100lbs, my family and I went on vacation and being around them i wasn’t able to eat (well not eat) the way that I was. I cried every single night on that vacation because of how utterly disgusted with myself i was. I then came home and developed bulimia because the control of the starving was completely gone. But the night that boy told me he didn’t want me, something else happened. I drank, it was NYE at my sisters house and I was 14 years old, her friends asked me if i wanted a drink and god did i want a drink. I wanted to feel the careless joy the people around me were feeling. They made the mistake of showing me where their green tea vodka was and i started drinking and didn’t stop until it was gone. I remember while i was drinking that something inside of me started to change, i wasn’t shy and concerned with what other people were thinking of me anymore, i didn’t care at all about anything. I remember my tongue and my cheeks getting numb and i was on cloud nine. After that night i was too preoccupied with my ED to give a fuck about drinking or drugging until bulimia came into play. I started snorting adderall so that i wouldnt eat and that went on through ninth grade until i went to program for my eating disorder and those people saved me from dying from that disease. But after i got out of that program, life got real. I had about a year of decent normalcy but at the beginning of my junior year things started to progress. I started to not give a shit about school at all, i started skipping classes and going to parties on weekends and drinking whenever it was an option for me. I started dating guys who were really just not good people and i had only one friend. We went out when we could but it never dawned on me that I was drinking any differently than any of the other kids i was around because really I wasn’t but the way it was affecting me and the way i was thinking about it was COMPLETELY different from those kids. They would stop drinking so they could drive home or they literally had DD’s but to be honest i dont remember much about those couple of years. I graduated highschool early because i hated literally everyone and i was convinced that they all hated me and judged me because most of the time they did. In my senior year i started using the tinder app and i would go over to random guys houses and meet them and every time that happened id get to drink, in my bio it even said “alcohol enthusiast”. boy was i wrong. I thought it was normal to do what i was doing, i really didnt think twice about it. Meeting these guys and being able to get black out drunk and then maybe sleep with them just seemed like a normal thing to do. Until my parents started asking questions about where i was going and why there were alcohol containers in my car and i would lie and say they were someone elses but theyre not stupid they knew they were mine. Things slowed down a little while i was in my first couple semesters of nursing school, i still drank but just on weekends with my boyfriend at the time and his roommates, and i thought i was drinking normally but i guess blacking out and starting fights on purpose because of your drinking isn’t neccesarily normal. I wouldn’t walk around the park ave area with him at night time unless he wanted to drink and that became a norm for me. I needed a drink if i was going to do anything at all, go to the movies? drink. hang out with literally anyone? drink. watching some tv? drink. While my boyfriend at the time went on vacation for christmas i decided to go to a party because if i saw anything about anyone drinking on social media i was on top of it, i made sure i had a way to get drunk whenever and i went to that party and i did cocaine for the second time in my life. the first time i really dont remember much but it was before i had met Kenny. So he went away and I went to a harmless party and kept my drinks near me like they were my children. I heard they were doing shots downstairs and i went down there and took probably 7 tequila shots in a row and blacked out, i came too when i started doing lines and by the time it was 7am i was calling him asking him to help me. That was a thing of mine, was to get drunk one place and then message or text as many people as possible to help me because i needed to go somewhere else or do something else because i didn’t want the fun to end. I kept on drinking the way i was drinking but because of how sick and awful i had felt i didn’t touch drugs again for a little while but i did wind up finding them again. but then all of a sudden over the summer of last year, shit hit the fan. I was drinking every single night and one night i went and hungout with a guy i had met probably on tinder and he said he needed to stop by a friends house for a birthday gift and i was like oh yeah ok cool, turns out his friend was the supplier for the whole town he lived in and she offered me some and i actually said no. i scolded him for his awful decision making and we went to Durand beach to get drunk and by the end of that night i had at some point asked if i could have some of his drugs so that i could safely drive home and obviously he said yes and then life went crazy. i went back to durand with that same person but met a whole bunch of other people and some how met a small group of people another time on that night and i wish i had clearer details but i was really a black out drinker and i wouldnt come to unless i had something else in my system. So we met this other smaller group of people and my life changed. some how i started attracting people who had what i thought i needed and wanted and id switch back and forth between these peoples houses getting free drinks and drugs and staying up for days at a time and not coming home and moving from job to job trying to keep my head above water. I wouldn’t stop thinking about being able to get the next drink or drug. Id go to morning classes after not sleeping in two days and be completely strung out or just not go at all. I got to a point where i couldnt drink without putting a drug in my system and i tried. I tried to stop myself from getting too drunk by switching drinks or not having as many and i was convinced i didn’t have a problem because i didn’t drink during the day so i clearly wasn’t an alcoholic. I would try to drink around people who didn’t approve of me doing drugs and i still somehow managed to go from house to house to house getting drinks and drugs until there was nothing left. One night i was at a house with all of these people i had been drinking and drugging with who i thought i really was just living the life with and i went upstairs and had a panic attack. I wanted to go home because something in me created a feeling that told me i no longer belonged there. So after 3 days of not being home and countless cries for help to my therapist and other people i called my parents at 4am and told them i was coming home and sobbing i told them i needed to talk to them. That night i told them about what i had been doing and got myself an intake appointment for outpatient. And i still at that point thought i probably only had a drug problem and that it wasn’t the drinking. i really didnt think it was the drinking. But once i started outpatient, i couldnt for life of me stay sober but i wanted it i really did. and when i tell you that night i went home that i was desperate for help i mean i wanted to die. i spent so many days of coming down just praying for god to take my life because truly i couldn’t live it anymore. Times id come home so sick and dehydrated my mom would have to run IV’s through me and id lay on that bathroom floor wishing it would all just end. I had known about AA but it was introduced to me through a girl in my outpatient and she told me she was going to a meeting and i told her i wanted to go. I had just relapsed for what would be the last time and i wanted to be sober more than anything and i couldn’t handle the constant relapses. My first AA meeting was wits end when it was upstairs at Rosedale and i was not buying any of it. I was convinced that all those young people car pooling were getting drunk directly after the meeting and that they were all just liars and fakes. I was texting someone ABOUT getting drunk at that meeting but luckily nobody would comply because on that Sunday i went to a womens meeting in fairport and i felt so engulfed with love and acceptance it was incredible. These women gave me a coin and hugged me and even though they talked about god they were something i hadnt experienced in a long time and that was happy without needing a drink or a drug to do it. I was handed that 24 hour coin and I decided maybe I’d do a couple more of these meeting things but i wouldn’t get involved like they were. My friend and i started going to a 5:30 meeting that was mostly old people or people off the street who were drunk but i stuck around for long enough to meet Pat and he was the FIRST person i heard share within my 2 months of meetings that i could actually relate to and for the first time i went up and talked to someone after they spoke and i told him how much i related and he told me to go to his home group Love and Service and that he wanted to introduce me to someone and that someone turned out to be my sponsor. I had no idea what i was doing and i knew that if i didn’t start to actually do something other than meetings that i was going to drink again and i didn’t want that for myself anymore. So my sponsor and i didnt even discuss her sponsoring me it just happened and she told me to get phone numbers and find a home group and a service position and it took me a couple weeks but i did it. meanwhile, my friend who introduced me to AA asked me if i was calling my sponsor every day and i was like uhhhh what do you mean call her everyday?????? and my friends like yeah duh thats like an unspoken aa rule and i called my sponsor right after that i was like OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU EVERY DAY. Mostly i just didn’t have any idea how the hell to communicate with people anymore without being drunk. My social awkwardness was at level 100 and im still working on that lol. but we met up and she started to pray and she said “hey god” in the beginning of the prayer like he was just a friend and i was like oh good i got a crazy one idk how well this is gunna workout. but she started taking me through the book and something else changed, i started to grow. this is the longest ive ever done literally anything in my life and it has changed my life drastically already even just at almost 6 months sober. Today I have a full time job that i actually go to every day, today I’m able to be a daughter, a sister, a friend. Today I am learning who i am and how to deal with life on lifes terms and im becoming patient and im just in this constant growth and its absolutely amazing. I’ve found a higher power that i dont understand at all but I know its there and im able to learn things about myself every day and get called out when i’m wrong and just begin to actually live and its amazing. I’m still a work in progress but I am so beyond grateful to be here. Thank you

#AA #Alcoholics Anonymous #my story #12 steps #god #recovery #rediscovery #learning #life

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skiasurveys · 7 years ago

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Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it.

2: Talk about your first kiss. We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s 7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far. Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had. My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had. My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity. My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation. I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life. It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school. i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school. I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school. I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear. choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend. ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick. if im really sick i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes. i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on. i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off. being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like. i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad. i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. some anime.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

#survey #personal #talk about

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parkjiminie-95-blog · 8 years ago

Text

I'm Back [Jimin Imagine]

Title; I’m Back Genre; Fluffy, Angst Pairing; Jimin x Reader

- honestly there wasnt any real plot i was just bored and wrote this - You were out playing on the playground with all the other kids, You ran around attempting to tag another kid while laughing, a smile on your face that never seemed to disappear…you had lots of friends and for that little Jimin envyed you, but at the same time he kinda liked you, you were so nice and cool, the most popular-est girl in first grade!!

While him….Jimin was a loser…he was a transfer from korea so kids made fun of his accent the only person who ever hung out with him was this kid in preschool named jungkook….but he wasnt here today…. He sighed as he watched you run after some guy named Jason, He huffed wishing you would chase after him instead……he sighed and continued to watch you boredly…

You chased after Jason, Jack, Trevor, and Travis. Giggling and laughing, it was all fun and games til Travis got hurt and a yard duty took him to the office and made you guys stop running….you pat Jack’s back as he cried because they couldn’t play anymore……after that you guys just played hide n seek every recess And of course Jimin stayed on the bench and watched you with his preschool friend Jungkook..

….

Middle school was tough, you had 6 classes and no recess like you did in elementary, it was tough on you but you tried your hardest…

Jason walked over and tripped you purposely with a smirk on his face as he just kept walking, you squeaked and wincedcas a heavy textbook you were carrying landed on your stomach..

Jimin saw this and rushed over “H-Gey are you okay!” He said quickly, you werent close with jimin you guys just talked every so often….

“Y-Yeah..” You muttered as he helped you up and picked up all your stuff “um…here” he said awkwardly handing you your books and stuff, you nodded

“Thanks, See you 4th period Jimin!” You smiled and scurried off, Jimin sighed gently and smiled, feeling giddy inside….his crush just spoke to him!! And he touched her hand!!! He chuckled as he went to his own class, ‘i should try and talk to her more….’ He thought excitedly

….

After you finished your awkward preteen stage in middle school, highschool came and everything just seemed to get harder and more drama…

Jimin grinned, as you walked next to him humming gently

“What sing are you humming?” He asked, you giggled “It’s a song by this new kpop group called bigbang! They are totally cool!!” She said happily

Jimin raised an eyebrow “You know korean…?”

You shook your head “no but the songs are cool and their voices are so ugh yes please take me to heaven g-dragon!”

He blinked…so you liked kpop huh……..he’d have to look this group up later, he chuckled “you know i speak korean…”

You giggled “That’s cool i always wanted to learn a different language maybe i’ll learn korean..” You said humming lightly again and he smiled “Yeah…that’d be cool….”

…

And just like that highschool ended and you and jimin were college kids

You squealed “LOOK JIMIN! LOOK! G-DRAGON IS SO AWESOME!!”

Jimin grinned excitedly “I know right! Hey you never know maybe i’ll become a kpop star!”

You rolled your eyes “mhm sure”

Jimin pouted “What you think i cant?” He said a bit hurt, you shook your head

“I mean i doubt it whats the chances of my best friend being a kpop star?”

Jimin pouted more but then his face lit up “Hey if i do become a kpop star you gotta be my girlfriend!!”

You choked on your own spit and blushed “WHAT! Well thats never gonna happen if you betcon that! How about if you clap twice ill be your girlfriend!” You laughed and blushed

He happily clapped twice but shook his head “Nope to easy, i want it to be a challenge so you know ill do anything for you….”

You smiled and nodded “if you say so…..”

…

Jimin soon became a trainee, and after that a kpop star, he was surprised to see Jungkook be in the same band as him, he was really happy…

And you watched him from afar with acgrin, you went to any of the concerts if they were in america but you couldnt go to all of them across the world….you sighed and smiled a bit as you watched a bangtan bomb, you hadnt forgotten of the promise he made but you bet he did, he had way morecpretty girls in korea now who would do anything to be with him.

Though jimin hadnt forgotten about the promise but sadly bighit had them on a two year dating ban so he couldnt say anything yet…. 'Wait for me Y/n’ he thought desperately wishing you heard but he knew you could not read thoughts ecspecially all the way from korea…

…

A few years later rumors started going around that he hated international fans and he started getting death threats, a concert in anaheim, california was canceled because of it and he left bangtan, he felt insecure, depressed, broken…..he was scared you didnt like him anymore and that you believed the rumors…he was scared you forgot about him……he was scared that maybe he was going to die maybe that person was going to shoot him….

The only thing he could do was look for you hoping that you didnt forget

…

A few days later you opened your door to find a man sleeping on your porch…not just any man but Park Jimin. You panicked, you had heard about how he left and then the entire group disbanded, Min Yoongi became a soloist, as did Kim Namjoon and Jung Hoseok, Kim Seokjin started a cooking show, Jeon Jungkook partnered up with Kim Taehyung and they joinedca different company…

You dragged Jimin into your house and shut the door,shaking.him awake “Jimin..Jimin…..” You had tears in you eyes when he didnt respond…..you put your mouth onto his, closing your eyes gently, but they snapped open when his lips pressed against yours gently and he pulled you onto him, you pulled away “Jimin! Your alive!!! Omg!” You hugged him tightly and he smiled gently

“I’m back…” He whispered and kissed you again

#park jimin #love #bts #bts x reader #jimin x reader #jimin x you #romance #kpop #imagine #bts imagines #bts angst #bts fluff #bts army

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m00nlady · 8 years ago

Note

All of the NSFW questions!

GOD THANK YOU

1:When did you lose your virginity

The day after I turned 18!

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

Rough usually, or alternating

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

Oh, not really. I feel it’s pretty usual stuff.

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

Definitely outside in a national forest!

5: Favorite sex position?

Usually missionary with my legs over their shoulders and/or one of their hands around my throat.

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

Submissive, all the way.

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

Yes!

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

Honestly? Floor.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Hell yeeeeeee

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

Never!

11: What does your favorite sexy underwear look like?

They’re black & lacy, they make my ass look like the goddamn gift it is.

12: How often do you have sex?

That always varies.

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

Duhhhhh

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

Imma say both.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

Omfg. So, my last boyfriend and I were about to fuck. It was literally ABOUT TO HAPPEN, condom on & everything. He pauses and kind of moves my hips to the side a bit. He looks at me & says, “Okay, I don’t want you to be embarrassed.” I was like FUCK MY PERIOD IS STILL HAPPENING AND I BLED ON MY BED. Lmfaoooo it turns out there was a clump of brown embroidery floss under me from a project I had been working on. He didn’t have his glasses on sooooo he thought it was something else hahahaha

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

Honestly I don’t even pay attention

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

Anything by HONNE. Try it. You’ll thank me.

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

Sure!

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

Shower. Bath sounds messy.

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

Honestly? An ex from two years ago.

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

I haven’t! I just talked about a possible one yesterday, though.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

I have, and I’d do it again!

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

Lmfao always

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

Probably not.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

Nothing particular that I do every single time, no. Well, no, I usually text @kennnybell about it lmfao

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

A firm hand around my throat.

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

Why not both?

28: Favorite body part on the opposite sex?

Hands, usually.

29: Favorite body part on the same sex?

Waist/hips!

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

I don’t really have anything like that tbh

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

Once, I had a guy cum all over my chest and then slurp it all off of me.

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

Yeah! It was okay lol

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

If you’re in a committed relationship and you’re on birth control & both of you are clean, sure. Just be careful still.

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Lmfao Velveeta cheese idk

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

While I’m on air lol

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

god, yeah.

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

Well, if it starts to impact the rest of your life, that’s probably too much lol

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

Honestly I take it as a huge compliment that no one lasts very long in doggy style with me, because my ass is so fucking nice.

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

Looking at memes and then making out

40: What do you wear to bed?

Usually a sports bra and panties

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

Omg I was in elementary school I think

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Not really tbh

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

It’s been over a year! I need that in my life again!

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

Hell yee, I live for that shit.

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

I wouldn’t rule it out completely.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

A back massager lmfao

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

Eh I have before, it’s okay

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

I do! It’s cool to be 100% focused on one person.

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

Oh god, just take me now.

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

I kind of want to tbh, for selfish reasons.

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

ANYTHING WITH SUGAR IN YOUR VAGINA. NO GO.

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Prostitute, no doubt.

53: Do you watch porn?

Yes even though I know it’s bad :/

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Yeeeee, mostly because I like to fuck in places I’m not allowed to.

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

Not really

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

Not really!

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

Hell yeah lmao why not

58: Booty or Boobs?

Boobs, probably

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

No.

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

Mostly make more money and have more respect/power

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Yais

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

I don’t think so

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

All tha time

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitoral, prostate)

Clitoral, my dude

65. What is your bra/penis size?

36DD I think?

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

The dick of my ex’s roommate

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

The other day

68. When was the last time you had sex?

god it’s been about a month

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

The other day

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

Yeah! I don’t remember that shit tho

71. Guys:Circumsized?

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My neccckkkkk

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My pussy/??????????

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

No :/

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

Probably

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

A couple nights ago

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

Fuck I don’t remember

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Absolutely lmao

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

Absolutely dude

80. Favorite sexual position?

We’ve already talked about this

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

Eh it’s ok

82. Are you into any BDSM?

A little!

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

OH yeah, several different people.

84. Do you like dirty talk?

To an extent.

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I can be loud during sex, but I don’t say shit when I masturbate.

86. Have you ever been inturrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

I have during sex! My aunt called one time and I answered it while he was still in there lol

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Ugh I don’t know

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

Yais

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

Yes, I have lol

No I don’t talk to them

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

Yes I have! You have to do it right though

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1v1-me-irl · 5 years ago

Text

In my dreams last night, someone shot up a place, i snuck out fine, he approached after (said place was near my old house that i lived in with my mother) while i was trying to sneak one of my siblings away and i stabbed him and then tried to call 911 and they told me they couldnt send an ambulance because the local elementary school was having a drill and everyone was there

He turned out to be fine, but he did end up killing himself in front of a handful of us but we couldnt tell the rest of the people in the house so we had to act surprised when we found out. Then i was told to always search a dead mans pockets because sometimes you find good shit

Uhhh i went to warped tour? My outfit was banging i dont really remember who i saw

And then i woke up and then i fell back asleep and a seperate dream started. Dont remember too much from the beginning. I remember being in a grocery store and it was attatched to a treehouse, and i remember climbing down the treehouse and suddenly i was playing spyro and i hadnt yet realized id had this part of the dream before but were getting close. I 100% it. Got all the gems, and a bonus level unlocked. So i get behind the gate and this is where my brain mixed crash bandicoot in it cause theres crates and tnt and nitros and the not sparx tiki head guy that i never remember his name. The villian is called 13, but in reality its just a mix of all 3 villians but mainy the not cortex or n. Gin. I also forget his name all the time. So the point is to break all the crates, get all the gems, deal with the villains bullshit and thats it. He doesnt heads on attack you until you bust all the crates but he does fuck with the map. Anywho, you walk past him and he spews some shit and i died. No attacks, just suddenly, im standing outside of the gate, as me, not spyro, and its locked and i cant get back in. At this point my brain kinda hits a "god damn it here we go again" moment and i can vaguley start to remember whats going on. Suddenly my partner is there as well as my friend evan. We can actually move around on the outskirts of the map, into the stadium and baseball field that were previously there for background decoration, and we can get up to the gate but nothing we can do to open or get past it. Now, we see 2 strangers walking inside the gate talking about how some weird shit is going down. And we yell but of course they cant hear us. Suddenly the younger version of the 2 strangers show up and we kinda catch them up on what happened. My partners friend daniel shows up and we also catch him up. Now keep in mind the last time i had this dream i was like 18-19. My partner and daniel were different people but i couldnt really tell you who for the life of me but i digress

Shit starts to get weird here alright. Evan passes out, but only for a few seconds. When he comes to, we hear footsteps behind the gate and look up and see an older version of evan walking by us kind of just muttering to himself. Hes like a strange cross between national treasure nicholas cage and sherlock holmes. More in the aesthetic than anything else. Idk it wasnt ugly, he looked cool and good in it. Maybe more english professor idk.

Now in retrospect the "older version"s thing is hilarious to me because as i said, i had this dream when i was like 19. I'm now almost 24, evan is going to be 25, my partner just turned 28, and daniel is somewhere in between all that im not totally sure, but 19 y/o me put older us at probably about 30, which is now not very far away, so i guess i should more call it "dope as shit alternate versions" of us instead of older.

Anyways, down goes daniel, his older version comes out. He looks like a streetfighter character but very much more gay. Daniel is a dancer irl, blonde, blue eyes, and already prretty ripped but still a twink. I have nothing to really further expand on his.

Jon goes down, following myself shortly after. We enter at the same time, very clearly villan coded. Pink lighting strikes and my ass goes "im pink this time?" Nope. Jon and i fly out on a pegasus and he's blonde and in a pink and black bdsm/doctor outfit. Ive got long ass black hair in a ponytail and red eyes and im in a super goth outfit and like ridiculous platform boots and we both are laughing fands are clearly visible on both of us and all my accessories including a mask are made of bdsm rope.

They fly off into the loop that contains the crates. Unfortunately, i did not get to find out if we were villans this time around before waking up because i for sure wasnt last time

So here we are 2 unnamed strangers who didnt do much as their younger selves, its their older selves that mattered, jon, evan, daniel, me. Not a terrible group for the upcoming events.

Enemies started spawning, so we fucked off into the high up balcony to chat. I pretty much knew at this point what to do. I knew there was a giant radio that wasnt sending off any signals behind the gate that older evan was trying to figure out. I knew the enemies were music sensitive, but only a specific song would kill them and i was racking my brain trying to remember what song. I knew we had to complete 3 tasks in the map outskirts in order to open the gate and join up with our otherselves to kick ass and beat the bonus round. Which, wasnt necessarily joining up. We could see/hear them, but not vice versa. But if we affected the world in some way, it would also affect it for them too. This is just accepted knowledge from the first time i dreamt this.

Currently daniel sang a song, and dropped to the lower octave and jon just goes "dude, what? You cant hit that?" And he does the verse, going up to the correct higger octace in the song.

Anyways we all just kinda joke for a bit. Evan cant really sing but he was..... okay ish enough to just provide an extra voice. He wasnt really loud enough to pose an issue. I go alright, time to go to the baseball fields, sing take me out to the ball game. I dont really remember the other 2 tasks.

The gate unlocked. I went to run off to see if older evan got anywhere with the radio yet.

And then my partners work alarm went off and i woke up.

#it was bullshit #im gonna try to force that dream again and see what happens #cause its easily one of the most fun and puzzling dreams i have outside of the water park #except that one time the water park had a crazy terminator guy but eh #why are all my reoccuring dreams video games #like always

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lielisstrange-blog · 6 years ago

Text

I came in with a storm 2182002 straight from the gods to a hospital in Maryville Tennessee

My existance called for change, leaving the couple im told to know as mother and father to divorce

I was put in a family of a brother and a sister and on one side i had mor cousins than i could count and the other seemed to be the ones who brought me here , with so many similarities with me

Growing up i was always smiling despite the constant aruging, verbal abuse, and later on physical abuse. I smiled becouse ,be it the gods, something told me id be just fine, that its all to change soon.

I was right.

Now ages 0-2 where pretty blurry

But from what i remember of 3-6

I met new siblings called step siblings and met this woman suppose to be a step mom. I didnt like them right away, i didnt really know why. But i treated them kindly likely becouse someone mentioned in a movie you should treat others how you liked to be treated. Now at this point i spent all my years in this big house doung whatever i wanted, i knew whats up and in this big house i was a bug but i was the king bee. No one ever stepped on my toes.

Now i didnt have much toys so i used my hands, i named them bith friends.

Which was kinda sad but they provided lots of entertainment when i was bored un school . I also spent my days watching drake and josh,icarly, and basically a bunch of nick and cartoon network shows from the 90s to early 2000s. One night i remember the mother coming to the house to sleep in the gym room. I had told her and my aunt that id sleep with them that night so i kept going back and forth rooms, aunts to the left,the other yo the right. At one point i got sick of it and sat in the middle of the hall looking out the door up the stairs directly obove me. I don't think i ever chose. I remmember mamaw worked for a jewlery company and we attended a christmas ball thing once, thus i descovored i loved christmas

Until around age 5, i realised i didn't care about school, loved christmas, felt lonely on Halloween and that everyone around me wasnt like me. Or perhaps i wasn't like them,,around that age someone who was suppose to be a cousin had me do some griss things with him. When we where cought with him on top of me, we where sat in the courner. Thats all that was done about it. Now ive always been very asexual, so i saw the act as a performance of sorts and truly didnt care as it ended shortly after. Until i was kicked off my thrown and moved out with the step siblings and that father. I was treated unfairly but found it hard to care. The step brother about two years older than me started demanding im to kiss him which i thought was gross. But he said if i didnt, hed tell on me. Given he was the favorite and had actual pull in the house i had no choice but to comply. Which i didnt but hed make me. At this time id go to the mothers house every other weekend to see my sister, eat pizza, and watch 90s cartoons or Madagascar. I swear i memorized that movie. Now the kissing eacalated through out the years into worse and worse things. But i honestly never put much thought in it. I was unattached from each side of the family already so i didnt care. My memory of these years are blurry due to repression. Not the kind youd think though.

See a memory that came back to me i was about age 7. I went outside in a fit and as i walked the wind seemed to kick up and i raised my hands at the side of me slowly making it kick more. I stud on a stump and remeber making a leaf tornado. I was very happy with my work. But at these times i was being told magic was evil from the mother. I figured it was magic, got off of the stump and stomped inside.

From 7-9 i descovored more abilities almost yearly. I noticed id think of a shows episode or a line in the episode and no matter what id see that exact scene the day of or week after. It happened all the time. Id also be sitting in the car on hot days wanting a drink but knowing enough that they'd never stop for drinks. Id think this or a specific question about a person ir thing and some out, like my brain would go silent fir a moment. Then right after, one of the people in the front seat would ask that question, anwser it,or announce we're stopping for drinks.This happend so often that i assumed they had mind reading powers,i even asked them. They always said no thiugh.Another one seemed to be just magic ,like id want something to happen and the moment im not thinking about it, it just happens. Which sounds amazing but keep in mind i was trying to repress these abilities as much as i could along with memories of them so itd build up. Like when you're young and mad you might think about wanting something bad to happen to somone whoes mean to you. Now with this ability if you wanted it, just for a second, its long enough to do damage. Which,wasnt fun. Also one day i had a watch and said out loud that id descovor time... perhaps i have a time ability. I forgot to mention, when you try to repress things like this, you get KILLER headaches all the time. Like yiu cant run or jump or talk loud without feeling like your head was going to expload. I also made killer storms when angry. And i was always angry. But my abilities are fight or flight activated so itd never hurt me. Sometimes id black out and look off in a direction and use one of my powers. Like i couldn't control it, it had to get out. One time i was in a car, got angry, abd looked out a window,my mind went silent as i looked at a truck that was suppose to stop at a red light then looked at the tip of our car slowly until i was blasted back to reality as the truck hit our car. We span to the middle of the road, the two people in the frount seat crying and screeming as i sat their completely untouched with a shocked look on my face.

I remember the mother teaching the brother hiw to ride a bike,she didnt have time to teach me as well so i looked at what they where doing, hopped on my bike and flew down the hill. Now i didnt exactly know how to stop it so i mightve went down the hill straight into a tree. However, i got back up laughing my ass off and learned those little grippy things on the handles can stop the bike when needed. I then knew how to ride the bike and went flying down the hill again.

Now from 8-10 ish we lived in a house on a hill with a creek at the bottom and a church to the side. I spent those years unallowed to get on the internet, loving tv, trying to gather enough food to actually eat, saving pinnies to get 15cent candy and ever ran a little store to cell old toys. We also had an old schoolhouse in our backyeard and woods to play in, which i did often. It genuinely felt like i was growing up in a different time period as i hunted for crawdads and heard the rasist or homophobic rants from the father and step mother.

Now from about 8-11 i was shown back to the future, doctor who, and the joy of mac and cheese by my sister. The 9th doctor was my first him id seen, and i loved him and the show. Because up until this point id felt alone but he made me feel completely not alone. I also descovored i wanted to be a scientist, not even really knowing what that is yet. The gross things stopped for the most part. Also i picked up a camera phone for the first time making a video where i killed a stick and even crushed a berry to make it look of blood.

I thought it was so badass. At this point id visit the mothers house everyother weekend and sometimes go to mamaws every other other weekend. Mammaws being where my thrown originally was, although they moved to this town called oak ridge. Now i loved oak ridge. It was the original time bomb town. Ive also always had a weirdly strong connection to albert enstine whom was there. I swaer i genuinely was Nikola Tesla in a past life, he was an asexual scientist with cool hair and pure sass. The mother also moved to oak ridge. Her house had a tierswing made by my sister. I loved it there, it was a perfect time capsule until one night. We had just got there and i was playing with my binderoos as my sister was started getting yelled at by the mother. She was screaming, i think my sister threw a party or something. Then my sister got up just kinda talking her points out as the mother yelled and yelled then my sister started yelling. Then out if nowhere the one we've been calling mother, we'll now call "T" , slaped the glasses off of my sister. My sister looked shocked then left the house as T screamed. Now everytime id go over to her house shed make it seem like she was the good one, like he was evil. At this moment i knew for sure, neither of them where the good guys. So i grabbed my sisters glasses and fixed them with my bendaroos. What makes it worse is that my sister came to her house after being abused at mamaws. She knew that and still hurt my sister.

I never stopped smiling. I always knew itd get better.

Age 12 , the step brother sent false claims about my sister, leaving it to wear we couldn't see her for months that felt like years

She tought me that no one could tell me i wasnt what i wanted to be, even if it was a ninja . She tought me to fight ,how to get out of trouble, and told me stories of her stealing at my age. I only ever stole food or tiny things as we rarely had any

And now people at mamaws started ordering me around more , getting meaner , or perhaps they where always mean i just didnt care enough to catch it

I also watched harry potter for the first time and related very VERY much.

2012

We left that house with the creek and that step mother and where off to live at mamaws

Which i loved dearly as ut was the only place i was allowed to exist with out being hit or pushed or screamed at and i could go online

I descovored i love 50s music and shane dawson

I also started going to the elementary school across the street. Now with schools over the years, at first i just didnt care because it was easy and boreing, then it began where i couldnt pay attention as hard as i tried. Id look at a book and have a whole movie in my head playing about a magic book or something where ozzy Osborne came to my school to sing crazy train and hug me ...which i thought about a lot. Then the teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but it was never on perpous id just check out.i also had a habbit of always having teachers who hated me like one time in like first grade a teacher said i was in trouble and moved my car back (which was a paper car on a paper road that youd get rewarded for if you got far or punished if you got taken back). When she did that, i made it obvious that i gave no shits by sitting and saying nothing as she yelled. Hen she moved it firther back when seeing no reaction from me. Then further. Then straight up just called the father who we'll now call V. To another teacher who lout laud to the class said her dog writes neater than i.So my grades where never too good

From 2012-2014

Every morning for school at mamaws id get a little coffee, watch a little of the morning news, then head off

Every night i could, id watch boondocs or family guy with my little cousin who was basically my little brother at this point and drink some chocolate milk

Every other week, i think, we'd get our allowance and go to the same walmart on fridays to spend it

It was the most like a family sitch i think id ever had

I remember my first day of middle school, and listening to "makes me happy" by drake bell on the bus, even coming back to do homework and eat butterscotch chips for cookies

That being said after being there until middle school me and the other brother was taken by V to see his new house

I didnt want to go nor stay and i made that very clear. Something seemed,,off.

Then sure enough on the way there v told us he got back with the step mother we'll call the L (hehe)

And that they're now renting the house we're going to together

It was hell, i had to share a room with that step sister , it was back to rarely having enough to eat, virbal abuse, and general bullshit all the time

On top of that, because in oak ridge the age for middle school was one year below the requirement for this new town , i was sent back to an elementary school

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postcards-to-home · 7 years ago

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Aussies Are Wild

2/14/17

How funny it was I thought, to be outside at sunset wearing evening wear, holding champagne and laughing with all my friends while we celebrated the beginning of the rest of the term. ICMS throws a celebratory cocktail party every term in Honor of the new students. Picture live music with “Castle on the Hill” by Ed Sheeran playing by some surfer hipster kid, a classic aussie stereotype while people pose for pictures in ritzy dresses, wine drunk just living our best lives.They were handing out FREE BOOZE like water. What a step up from the slums of Plattsburgh. I have absolutely no shame in talking shit about my home university as it really is completely outdated. Anyways I personally spent most of the night meeting and engaging with all sorts of individuals from across the globe. I met Aussies who wanted to know what a real frat party was like, I had to tell them it was a bit less than everything you see in the movies and more nitty gritty. I met people from Switzerland, France, Germany, India and even a guy who said he moved from Canada to play Ice hockey in sydney. What a wild world we live in. In Particular one German Girl prompted me with the question, ‘Why do Americans love my home country so much, its nothing special?” I had to laugh and I said it the best I could in that Americans are deeply infatuated with the idea of war, as it is so much apart of our culture even if we try to shy away from it. I think she was really taken aback by that because she didn’t really say anything for a few minutes after that. The Vietnamese girl to the left of her was a bit shocked I think, but of course I had to inform her I thought her country was lovely, ( Even if it did scar me), and she just beamed with joy. The people of Asian culures have such a hard time assimilating with the English speaking and I feel for them. I am just impressed they know two and even three languages while we only know English. It really has me thinking about how weak our education system is.

Later that night four, maybe five glass of wine deep we just kept sending it, down to courso, which is like a plaza that holds all the bars, particularly the shark Bar, an ICMS staple. It ended with my roommate and I traveling the mile hike back up to the castle, One I deeply regret every single time I have to do it. No exaggeration either it is actually a mile. My phone has been tracking my steps and the past three days I’ve had record breaking 8 mile hikes.

2/15/17

Today I was thrown out of a restaurant, or more politely asked to leave. Why you might ask? The guy across from me was wearing no shirt, no shoes and was still getting service and here I was just sipping water and told me I couldnt be there. Apparently it’s against the law to serve anyone anything if youre under 18 and I happened to forget my ID in my room. My apologies to my friends since we had to take our already ordered food and eat it on a park bench outside.

So I was royally pissed off. But the day did get better.

I am happy to Announce I received an internship with a company in the suburbs which is a short bus ride from school and a bit of a walk. I won’t say exactly what company yet but it includes a logistics position with an events ware company. I am very excited to start in the coming weeks and grow my knowledge on the industry. Between an internship and class only two days a week I am very excited to find time to travel and enjoy the beach.

The rest the day was sort of comical. The girls, Sabrina , Kay and Alexis had been so kind enough to travel with me to the internship interview. The mall was just across from it so on the way home we decided to take bus 139 instead of 169. Well that ended up being a really cool mistake because instead of taking the express bus we took the residential bus. It stopped at the local schools and drove through the areas where people lived and it even drove along the coast. So far out along the coast we could see our little home away from home sticking out like a sore thumb on the crest of the hill. It honestly looked entirely too surreal.

2/16/17

The following day, Friday, was the big day on campus where all the students came together to do student activities and continue to meet students. In reality my squad just went for the free food and free bar drink vouchers down in the Corso. As students it’s important for us to remember our budgets, and nothing makes me happier knowing my friends are cheap fucks too, in the best way possible.

There were a few activities that we all skipped but the best that we actually went to had to be the color run. Nothing beats getting disgustingly dirty in the dead heat of summer, no sarcasm there. It was a good laugh and we definately had a blast.

The best part of the day wasn’t until the sun fell below the sea. It wasn’t in any of our plans to venture across the harbor into Sydney after dark but when an Aussie invites you out its hard to say no. Our group of four girls linked with six other new friends, some funny enough are from New York State too, and we decided to take the ferry from Manly to Sydney. For those of you that don’t know Manly suburbs is on a peninsular sort of that is a bit of the ways away from the actual city of Sydney. So in order to get to the bar we had to cross the harbor, a first for some of us. I will be honest I was extremely surprised that no one was as shocked to see the Sydney Opera house at night as I was as if it was just casually something we drove past.Keep in mind I only had two beers max from the campus bar by the time we passed it and it was one of the coolest things I ‘ve ever saw. It’s one of those far out things your teachers tell you about in elementary school that you think you’ll never actually see in your life. When I was little I had this postcard from Australia from my mom’s friend’s sister who went there,(Darcy or Nadina if youre reading this you are the ones that inspired me to come to Australia all those years ago) and ever since that moment I just kept telling myself one day I’ll be big and smart enough or whatever enough to go there and see that place. Soon enough I’ll pose in front of it but instead here is what we got..

Some of us are planning on seeing a concert or two here at some point.. more news to come on that..

Sydney from what I saw at night was oddly clean and similar to the big apple but again I was stuck with the feeling I was in a parallel universe of sorts. Everything was so much cleaner here than at home, the metro was even tidier than that in the states.What surprised me more was that the navigation to and from our destination was easy as hell. My 15 year old self could of done it no problem. Our group was just lucky to have a guy who lived here and wanted to show us around. Our destination for the night was the Scary Canary Bar/club. I won’t go into details but that was easily one of the best places I’ve been and that doesn't say much since the only thing I can compare it to is downtown Albany and Plattsburgh Fraternity houses. The youth culture emits this really unique energy thats just a good time. People are so much happier here. Sure not everything here is awesome but the the aussies know how to have good time.

This was probably the best drink I’ve had so far. Probably not the most alcoholic but we all downed them like water. Side note I ripped this picture off the internet but I figured it was important to show you these jars. Lots of the popular places serve drinks in jars its kind of just their thing. I almost regret not taking any pictures here but it was probably best to just live in the moment.

To round off the nights festivities we took a classic uber ride home to skip the bus since the ferry closes at 1145, ( thank you Kay for convincing us to do this).The whole of the city no longer swallowed us as we venture out of the city’s limits to our home away from home once again.

Lastly heres a pic of the goon squad messing around on the ferry.

2/17/18

Many of you are probably wondering what the beach is like. There are two main beaches near me , Manly beach and Shelly Beach. Alexis, Kay Sabrina and I decided to hit both today. Everyday the weather has been fairly similar with high winds of 10-20 mph and tempaturetes ranging from 70-85 degrees through out the day. Manly beach is the largest one with roughly a ½ mile of coastline. Here one can spot an abundances of curley, ultra tan long haired surfer guys who look and sound like every stereo typical Aussie man a girl would dream up, (Don’t worry jay no funny business here). This is the beach that straddles the corso or plaza with lots of shops and cafes. I personally prefer Shelley beach because its in a sort of cove where theres no waves, the beach is made of shells and its perfectly a-ok to swim in. For the first time in light years they saw a shark out in the bay and the life guards were literally screaming at people along the shore line to get the hell out. Mind you we found this information out after we had already started our pursuit back up the hill, through the forest to the castle. But anyways shelly beach is the beach that sits beneath this large hill that overlooks the entire bay and surrounding area. Its breathtaking to hike the trail and watch the trees thin to the ocean’s cliffs. Soon I shall take a decent picture but again I forgot to.

I wish my thoughts were more organized to put out more depth to these posts.It truly is an information overload on the daily. Part of me just turns off a lot of my brain and just absorbs all the information with out processing it until I lay up at night at some random time remembering things I forgot to say or how i should of worded this or that differently. If there is anything anyone want s to know specifically please feel free to ask away, I love answering things and hearing suggestions.

Peace, Love and Enjoy the Adventure xoxo

#pch18

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