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bigtreefest · 2 months ago

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Chapter 8: Never Be Sorry

From: The Rainmaker Series

Pairing: Mob! Steve x Forensic Scientist! Reader

Summary: There’s a lot to apologize for, but some things happen for a reason

Word count: 6,323

Content/warnings: mob themes, gun mentions, swears, yelling, tough love, interrogation, punching, slapping, convincing-ish arguments?, fires, lots of time switching between the past and present, angst, sass

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It takes place at the same time as chapter 4 of Handiwork and Chapter 11 of YCMBWH.

Your feedback is appreciated in all forms! Comments, reblogs, and asks are golden💗

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

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“Everything’s Fucked.” You spoke through gritted teeth, arms crossed, looking out the window. The open fields were whizzing by in the early morning light as Number Five drove you home in Bucky’s car, leaving him and Steve at the farm to clean up after the events of the previous night.

It was per your insistence that you stay until Curtis was found, despite having to get called in to the office for this Sunday afternoon. As much as you wished to stay back and ensure Curtis and Cherry were alright, you had a job to do. Sure, Steve and his goons could’ve called off for you like they did the last time, but you couldn’t risk the association with them, not anymore. Not when so much else in your life was at stake. And honestly, you weren’t sure how much more time you could stand to be around people. Your last straw was on the verge of snapping.

Late last night (aka early morning)

You sat in the hay loft of one of the small barns on the farm, feet swinging from the rafters as you watched the scene below. You observed the two men who crossed you, crossed Curtis as they sat in metal chairs, tied with fresh rope, one of them squirming, the other calmly watching the scene with a mischievous smirk on his face.

There was no way it was genuine, though. You knew they were going to lose. You had heard all about the the abilities of Bucky in the city from Five when you cornered him upon your return from the bar. You knew men were tearing down Lloyd’s organization as this entire scene was occurring, and you knew Bucky would get what he wanted. Apparently he had a reputation for that. How it flew under your nose for so many years, you weren’t sure, but it meant he was really good. Which might’ve also meant you weren’t as good as you thought, but that was a thought you tried to push from your mind, despite the way it kept creeping in.

Bucky was circling the two men, akin to a shark, crisp suit adorned, taking the place of the jeans and flannel shirt he borrowed for the bar. Steve was wearing the same, and your previous disdain for that formalwear was growing back and burning your throat. Sure, the farm clothes were comfortable, but you knew that would’ve made them too vulnerable, which wasn’t gonna fly in a mob interrogation like this. So suits it was. Gone was the simple pleasure associated with the old, worn clothing. This was all business.

The same went for you, except in your case, business meant comfort. The second you got back from the bar and entered the farmhouse, you shucked the dress off your body and weant straight for the laundry room, borrowing a pair of Bee’s jeans and an old flannel of Curtis’s that was sitting on top of the pile, the extra material tucked into your waistband as it bloused over your body. It was perfect for a crisp night like this, and you were sure he wouldn’t mind. Plus, who knew how dirty you were going to get at this point? You were literally in a barn.

This interrogation was going nowhere, though. Lloyd was fucking smug as ever and Cole was being a whiny bitch. And worse even, after rolling Lloyd’s name around in your head for an hour, it all made sense. Hansen. As in Lillian Hansen, criminal defense attorney that you abhorred, despite the fact you luckily never really had to deal with her. But you knew how much Scott couldn’t stand the lady, and you imagined Andy felt the same. Ugh, Andy, or should you go back to calling him DA Barber now, who was probably on Steve’s payroll. And probably Scott, too! Was there anyone left that you could trust to tell you the truth!? It looked like you were the only one who you could have faith in anymore. And maybe Cherry? But now, you were gonna use that rage and that self-reliance to get some results.

You swung down from the rafters and landed on strong legs in your boots on the dirt floor. Bucky had just gone over to greet Cherry who had walked into the barn. This was your open opportunity to get what you needed out of these pricks.

You stalked towards the men in the metal chairs, your face showing the vengeance these two were sure to face soon, if not by your hand, then by the mob’s. Your eyes narrowed and shoulders squared as you looked between the two men. You hated them more than you hated even Walker for what they had a part in. More than spoiled milk, more than being left out of the loop. More than Steve.

You were grateful for the way the corner of your eye caught Bucky’s arm barring Steve from approaching you. He had already messed up enough and taken choices from you. This wasn’t another thing you needed taken away. You would deal with it your own way as you stepped in front of Cole.

“I’ll give you one more shot. I’m sick of watching this dance. Where. Is. Curtis?”

A stuttering voice came out of Cole. “I-I don’t know.”

You rolled your eyes. Of course he didn’t. What a dipshit. The kind who doesn’t know basic science or who to trust. But you guessed, at this point, you didn’t either. You raised your arm.

Smack. In a flash, his head was tossed to the side.

“Wrong answer.”

If Cole wasn’t going to give what you needed, maybe Lloyd could, or maybe he and his tight lips could be the vessel to get the Turner heir to squeal.

You took a step to your left, putting yourself directly in front of Lloyd.

“Where?”

Your voice was even and low. Calm, yet rage-lined. You were so sick of all this shit. You had no room to feel sad or worried anymore. All that was left was anger. At the situation, at yourself. It filled you, but it fueled you. Lloyd shook his head, paired with his shoulders that jumped up and down with laughter. Your fists tightened at the way you could tell he wasn’t taking you seriously.

“Oh, come on, Pumpkin. You’re a smartie. Bet you’re a sweet peach just like your friend, too, but I’m not giving up whe-“

Punch. Right to the jaw. It was almost in slow motion as Lloyd fell to the hay floor in a heap with a dull thump and a rustle. You had pinpointed the right spot and knocked him out cold. Your eyes quickly fixed on Cole again, seeing a new wave of fear had swept across his face.

“Is that motivation enough for you to help us now?”

He furiously nodded, but then looked back over his shoulder at Cherry. “I’ll talk to her.”

You could see the surprise on her face, but he was in no place to make demands. Just as you were about to speak up, Steve’s voice filled the barn.

“No way. You lost your right to negotiate when you let Lloyd cross that line. You talk to me or you don’t have a tongue to talk anymore. Got it?”

You watched Cole gulp in fear. That was on him for refusing to deal directly with you, and now he got Steve, who you didn’t even know the capabilities of, never having witnessed him in this environment before. All of the unknowns hitting you at once were too much. You had to get out of there, so you turned on your heel and swiftly exited the barn, fast walking away. Anywhere else.

You grumbled and shook your head as your boots brushed through the tall grass. “Fucking dumbass mobsters.”

Present

The mid-morning sun was high and bright in your eyes as you continued on the highway back home. You were exhausted, but things would get better once you got back to work. Right? They had to.

You turned in your seat, cracking your back and doing your best to stretch in the confined space. You took the opportunity to reach around, too, opening the glove compartment, shifting items around.

Peter was attempting to keep his eyes on the road, but his gaze kept flashing to you. “Everything alright, Miss Decks?”

You groaned in frustration, rifling through the drinks in the center console. Of course it was a cooler.

“Where does Bucky keep the sunglasses? He’s gotta have an extra pair somewhere. Rich bastard is rarely unprepared, I know it.”

Peter reached up near the rear view mirror and popped open a sunglasses holder where you saw a pair of dark frames.

“Ah, thank you, Five.”

You grabbed them and closed the holder, before sliding them on your face, crossing your arms, and scooting back down in the passenger seat. There was still a ways to go, and this was a little better so you didn’t go blind.

Just as you started nodding off for a nap, you felt a buzzing in your pocket. You let out a big sigh and pulled out your phone, rolling your eyes when you saw who it was: Bee. You groaned as you hit the button to answer the call, putting it on speaker in case there was something she had to say to Peter.

“What?”

There was a deep breath taken on the other side of the line. “Well good morning to you, too, Sunshine. How’s the drive going? You kind of left abruptly.”

You continued to stare out at the road, more cars having joined alongside you as the day continued.

“Yeah. Couldn’t waste anymore time. Had to get back for the shift they need me for this afternoon.”

You heard her hum, knowing exactly what her face was from that noise. Most definitely tight-lipped and skeptical.

“Yeah, okay. And this isn’t you running away from your problems, right?”

You were silent for a second. She didn’t need to call you out like that. You were fine. It was all…fine. Maybe if you could convince her of that, you could convince yourself, too.

“What problems? We got Curtis back. Bucky is gonna help you figure out everything to keep your farm and then some I bet. No issues here except me having to go to work.”

It was Bee’s turn to stay silent now. It’s not like she was ever an excessive talker, but both of you knew that if she wasn’t gracing you with a response, she could see right through you and was waiting for you to state the conclusion on your own. Her silence drove you crazy.

“Okay, fine! I’m going back to my job to drown myself in test analysis reports and probably straining my eyes at the microscope again. Is that what you wanna hear?”

She let out a dry laugh from the other end of the line.

“While I admire the hustle, partner, you know it’s not. I wanna hear you talk about exactly what’s going on with a certain blonde puppy that’s pouting in my living room right now. But…since I love you I can give you good news first.”

Good news didn’t sound like something that could exist right now. But before you could catch more of those thoughts, you were interrupted by the clearing of a throat next to you. Oh right, Five was driving this car.

“Ugh. Before you speak more, hold on. Because this is between me and you, and I don’t need someone reporting this information to his boss.”

You looked over at Peter and the way his brow furrowed.

“Five, can I count on you to keep whatever you hear in this conversation a secret?”

He simply gave a curt nod.

“Discretion is my entire job description, Miss Decks.”

You sighed. It was exactly what you wanted to hear, but was it just that?

“Yeah, but do you have to report everything I say to your superiors?”

Peter shrugged. “I have to follow their orders…so if they tell me to…yes.”

“But isn’t your primary order right now to protect me? So protect me by not saying anything to Steve. What’s he gonna do? Hold a gun to your head?”

Peter was silent.

“Oh my god, he’s not gonna put a gun to your head, is he!?”

Peter spared a quick glance at you. “Um, I’d hope not. Probably not? No, no, he knows I’d never cross him. Mr. Rogers doesn’t like to get rid of people for no good reason. So definitely not if he knew the order of my silence came from you.”

From the phone in your hand, you heard Bee hum. “Ooooo, Decky, your reputation among the ranks precedes you.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’d tell you to shut up, but I’m actually trying to give you the opportunity to speak right now, and I have no desire to hear more about this hierarchy, so talk before I change my mind.”

Humor reached her voice at the way you were beginning to open up to her again. “Oh I love how you love me. You might regret giving that free rein, but I’ll get on with it. This weekend went to… excuse my language…shit, but I didn’t even get to show you your surprise.”

Your ears perked up. “Bee, you what? When on Earth did you have time for that?”

She made an unsure, drawn out sound. “Well…I didn’t. I’ve had my hands pretty full..it’s um, technically from Cole, but you’re gonna like it.”

You scoffed. “How am I going to like something regifted from that fucking weirdo.”

The annoyance she’d been holding back with your bitter mood was starting to show in her voice now. Something very rare. You couldn’t believe you were actually wearing her patience down. “Decks, can you just be nice for one second!? Don’t make me call you by your birth name, because I swear I will. I’ll use the middle one, too! God. It’s a cow. It’s that cow you always asked for. She’s yours and she needs a name. Please be nice to me. I’m trying so hard right now to help you. Try and shed some light on this terrible situation.”

“Okay, okay, fine.” You shrunk in on yourself in your seat and your voice was almost a squeak. As much as you wanted to be annoyed at everything and how it did truly go to shit, you couldn’t blame it on her. It really wasn’t her fault. And this subject change was kind of nice.

Your voice was still small. “So tell me more about this cow. Mini highland?”

Back was her bright tone. “Yep! That’s the one. Light brown and adorable. You wanna rif on it?”

You sighed. “Um…maybe not right now? But I really do appreciate it. Give that girl a nice spa day for me, will you?”

You couldn’t see it, but you were sure she was nodding on the other side of the phone.

“Yeah, yeah. I will.”

Earlier last night (right after returning from the bar)

Steve and Bucky had converted one of the barns on the property into a makeshift interrogation room while Cole and Lloyd were still out cold, Bucky having knocked them out as a result of the fight in the bar. He knew you had driven Cherry home, but had no idea where you were now as he walked around the barn entrance, kicking stray rocks and looking up at the clear sky, littered with stars. All he could think about was sharing that view with you.

Over his shoulder, he could hear the grass rustling from footsteps and suddenly next to him stood Bucky. Steve looked at his best friend with a halfhearted smile, the pain evidently seeping through. It wasn’t going to be an easy night by any means, but Bucky knew it was much harder for Steve than him. Steve sighed, comfortable enough to speak his mind. He had to get this out, voicing something would keep him from combusting.

“It’s so beautiful. All the times I’ve been out here, I haven’t gotten the chance to look up at the sky at night without all the light pollution. Decks would love this. I bet she knows all the constellations.”

Bucky let out a small chuckle at the obsessive thoughts of his friend. He had a point, though, and he felt it a little more as he heard Bee walk up behind him, slotting her fingers between his own and setting her head on his shoulder. Steve continued to stare upward with a small, wistful sigh as Bee spoke over the light chirp of the crickets.

“She does. She took an astronomy elective in college. The stars are no use enjoying alone. You should be staring up at them together, but she needs to come to that conclusion on her own now that she knows everything.”

Steve nodded, huffed, then wiped his tired eyes with the heels of his palms, finally dropping his head.

“Yeah, you’re right. But I’m going to keep trying. I have to.”

Bee clicked her tongue and looked over at Bucky, responding to Steve. “As you should. Sometimes the best things are the ones someone teaches you to work a little extra for.”

Present

“Now it’s your turn, Decks. What’s really got you twisted?” Bee’s bright voice was louder than you’d like on the phone speaker.

You grumbled your response under your breath.

“What? I couldn’t quite catch that?”

You sighed and took a sip of water from the bottle you pulled out of the cooler, preparing yourself to finally voice the feelings you’d had cooped up inside.

“God, Bee this is so fucking embarrassing. I was stupid and blind. That’s what I’m so mad about, Curtis aside. It was all right in front of me the entire time. I should’ve seen it coming. I mean, Bucky, Steve, Lillian, Lloyd. They were all right there! And I missed them! I’m a terrible civic servant. I should just rescind that application I sent to the FBI.”

You huffed after having said your peace, but were glad the phone wasn’t up by your ear when her voices busted through the speaker again.

“WAIT, you applied to the FBI!? Decks, why didn’t you tell me?!”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, didn’t feel right at the time when I was at your house. And I didn’t want it over call or text in case the NSA or someone else was listening, but what does it matter now? I’m a terrible investigator.”

You thought for a second before speaking up again. “I shouldn’t have tried to make all this for myself. Maybe my mom was right and I should’ve looked for a husband a long time ago. Settled down or something and stopped pushing to have more. The world’s been trying to tell me that’s all I’m good for, but obviously even that’s something I mess up.”

“Ugh, Decks. You’ve gotta stop with that malarkey your mom fed you. Sure, she’s great and she stayed home once she found a husband, but that doesn’t have to be you. You’ve told me several times you don’t want that to be you. If that’s what you want now, great, but I know you and I know it’s not. I think you should keep going for your goals. You’d be great in the FBI.”

You wanted to smile at the compliment, but you felt like a fool. “Would I, though? For the several reasons I just told you? Plus, even if I were to get in, they do background checks. And interviews of family and friends. How’s it gonna look if my best friend is involved with the mob? And so is that guy that I kissed, like twice, but wanted to do way more than kiss with? And oh yeah, his best friend, which also happens to be the aforementioned best friend’s boyfriend? Also mob. And let’s add another friend getting kidnapped by a dirty lawyer, once again, mob, to the list. Can’t hide that.”

Bee sighed in contemplation. “Well, uh, actually, you can. Technically on paper I’m a produce contractor for Bucky’s restaurants. That’s why they’ve got all the businesses, bestie.”

“But even if that does work for the interview process, my luck won’t roll on forever. So maybe cut ties are for the best. But also, do they really even matter? Like, not really at this point. Nothing matters. I’ll just stay in the city, do my little science experiments like a monkey for those fuckwads like Walker, and maybe get a cat. It’ll be grand.”

Bee almost growled. You were sure it was terrifying in person. “Can you just stop feeling sorry for yourself!? I didn’t want to have to pull out the tough love but you leave me no choice. Yeah, this whole thing is fucked up. You got lied to, and I’m sorry for that. But honestly, nothing was fake. I’ll tell you that for a fact. And I know you know it, too. You can join the FBI if you want. You can keep your digital footprint and paper trail clean, and you can find happiness on your own terms. I’m this close to saying I’m sick of this sour behavior, Decks. If anyone can find their way out of a tangled mess like the one you think you’re caught up in, it’s you. So like you always do, put your head down and stop complainin’!”

You didn’t want to dignify this all with a response, so she kept going, but something on the other end of the line was trying to get her attention. “Listen, I’ve gotta go. But you know where I stand. On all of this. On you, on Steve, on your job. You can call me whenever, just think about it and stop selling yourself short. I know you’ve got this whole hard, tough exterior going for you, and it’s great. I love it, because I know the softness underneath. But don’t let that all harden, too. I can see you want it to because yeah, this all hurts, but that’s not gonna help your pain. It’s just gonna trap it there.”

What the fuck was this wise sage advice? She was turning into her uncle slowly. You were sure of it. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean she was wrong, though, but you didn’t want to hear it. So you simply put your hood up and pulled the strings tight. Her voice held a tone of disappointment, but also empathy at your continued silence; it was softer now.

“I love you, and I care for you, and I want you to know, I never would have let Steve get that close to you if I didn’t think it could bloom into something amazing. For both of you. It’s beyond just having someone else there. I know you’re mad, but maybe give him a chance. Okay? I’ve really gotta go now. Bye.”

The dial tone signaling the end of the call filled the car. You watched as Peter’s hands adjusted on the wheel and the city skyline came into view.

The thing was, after getting all of that out to Bee and listening to her, you realized you weren’t really mad, but it all just hurt. It was a pain that came from heartbreak. Someone you trusted let you down; multiple people. But you weren’t sorry about how you acted because of it. And to your surprise, you weren’t sorry about much that had happened at all, but for now, you needed to focus on you.

Late last night (after the interrogation)

Steve stayed light on his feet as he ducked and made his way through the tall grass of the farm field. After your…. convincing argument… as to why Cole should speak up, he spilled everything to Bucky and Steve. And it was everything. The extent of his deals with Lloyd, his original plans to overtake Bee’s farm, the true financial state of his own empire, and the fact that he and Lillian were seeing each other. Which was…frankly, more than Steve was willing to hear.

All of that information, though, led him to one of the newer locations of the Turner farms. One that specialized in cattle feed and storage, so no live animals on the property, just fallow and crop fields, and several barns and silos.

Steve rushed through the tall grass, flanked by Bucky and his men, giving silent hand signals as orders. They were to make as little of a scene as possible, which would’ve been successful if Lillian’s men hadn’t made a mess of everything. Shooting without silencers, screaming, making the entire scene evident to any onlookers. They were lucky they were in the middle of nowhere. Someone might just mistake it all as a farmer’s altercation with a coyote.

After having taken care of the two guards outside one of the barns while Bucky and his men handled the rest of the area, Steve was on alert as he slid the barn door open on the largest of the several buildings. The early morning light lit up the dim barn, illuminating Curtis’s face. Steve wanted to feel relief but he had to make sure Curtis was alright first. He surveyed the area as he approached.

Out in front of him, Curtis squinted and spoke with a raspy voice. “Steve?”

Steve gave him a small smile, surprised when Curtis’s face fell a little flat, not giving much emotion.

“Hey there, partner. I’m here for retrieval service.”

He walked around behind Curtis and crouched down, pulling the knife out of his breast pocket, flicking it open, and cutting the wrist restraints. Curtis immediately brought his hands to his front, rubbing the tender area.

“Did you get Lillian? She was outside. And all the guards? Is everyone else okay? How’s Cherry? Decks? Bee?”

Steve walked around to Curtis’s front, crouching once again to begin sawing at the ropes that held his ankles.

“The girls are good. Safe on the farm being guarded, but I think they can handle themselves. Your girl has taken this quite well all things considered.”

Steve broke through the ropes and looked up at Curtis’s face. There was a cut on his cheek that appeared to be bruising slowly.

“Lillian got you pretty good, huh? Don’t worry, we’ve got her now. And Lloyd and Cole. They’re getting delivered back to an old friend in the city as we speak. Probably won’t have to see their faces ever again. That’s a blessing.”

Steve thought back to Lillian meeting him and Bucky at the edge of the property when they first arrived, gun and singular henchman at the ready, easily overpowered by the two of them. Backup must have been lagging. They were easily set in the back of one of the SUVs in the brigade to be sent away. Good riddance, she was terrible and Curtis didn’t even know the half of it.

Curtis nodded in assent. “You could say that again.”

Steve looked Curtis once over, checking for any more injuries, satisfied to not see anything too bad. She must’ve been planning something terribly drawn out and he was lucky she never got there. “Can you walk?”

Curtis nodded and groaned as he threw his hands to his knees and pressed out of the uncomfortable metal chair.

“Yeah…you never really answered all of my questions, though, city boy, at least not fully….”

Steve internally winced, hoping that would squeak past, but it didn’t. He walked with Curtis up to the edge of the barn, peeking out to check if the coast was clear and speaking into an ear piece, indicating Curtis had been picked up and was ready for transport. He nodded with confirmation and his shoulders relaxed a little, although Steve grabbed the gun from the holster on his hip just in case, keeping it low as they shuffled out into the open field. One could never be too cautious of Lillian, but this didn’t seem like a plan that was thought out very well.

Steve and Curtis stepped out onto the land of one of the Turners farms. It was a newer one, a shame, yet somewhat satisfying by how much of it was on fire right now. The barn behind them was already up in flames, per the boss’s orders.

Steve led Curtis back to his black SUV parked on the gravel road, but looked at the farmer with confusion as Curtis took it upon himself to go towards the driver’s seat, despite the way Steve was very evidently guiding him towards the passenger side. Curtis held his hand out for the keys expectantly. Steve was nervous, he didn’t like the look on his face one bit. It was stern, demanding, and…protective? And it perfectly matched his vocal tone.

“Come on. While I drive home, you’re gonna walk me through your plan to get Decks back. If the next time I see her, she’s as mopey as she’s been this weekend, or worse yet, this hardens her, you’ll have hell to pay.”

Steve sighed as he settled into his seat. “Okay, okay. But I think I’m gonna need a lot of your input. Just be nice about it.”

Curtis raised a skeptical brow at Steve as he pulled out onto the country road. Steve wished he could crawl out of his skin. He might have just risked his life to save Curtis, but now he was on edge, faced with having to confront not only what he did wrong, but how he planned to fix it, and the fact that it may never be good with you again.

In Steve’s extended silence, Curtis decided to speak up, one hand on the wheel to slightly turn his body.

“You know, Steve, I’ve always been a little skeptical of you.”

Steve’s heart was beating fast. He wasn’t blind. Something about the two of them just never clicked.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I think you and I just don’t understand the way each other ticks. I don’t know why you do the things you do.”

Steve cleared his throat, turning towards Curtis to hear more.

“Way back when, Decks dated a friend of mine. It didn’t really go anywhere, but I knew I didn’t like it and I wasn’t sure why.”

Steve nodded in anticipation to where this was going.

“I came to realize it was because I was protective, because I know her. And I know she’s tough, but there’s a lot more vulnerability under that surface. And from that moment, I saw, too, that anyone who dated her without taking special consideration for that wasn’t my friend. Anyone who didn’t bare their own intentions and thoughts like I knew she was bound to do, wasn’t a friend.”

Steve shifted in discomfort. “So you don’t think I care? You don’t think I’m honest?”

Curtis blew out a breath. “I can tell you care, but I think you were a little too comfortable withholding the truth from someone who put their inner self on display for you.”

Steve nodded in understanding. He knew what he did was wrong, but he had no idea what the true gravity of it was.

“So, you got anything more to say about it, buddy? How are you going to apologize? How will you say you’re sorry and deserving of her?”

Steve wiped a hand down over his face.

“I-I don’t know. Maybe send her something? Some food, whatever she might want? Do you know what she might want? A car? A-“

Curtis stopped him right there. “I don’t think so. You can’t buy her forgiveness. How are you showing it to her? Plus, you can’t give her a car. The FBI will flag your connection to her real quick and I won’t let your feelings and lack of knowledge make a smudge on her background check when she just sent in that application.”

Steve sighed. He had no idea you applied to the FBI. Heck, he just learned only a week ago how you got your nickname. It seemed like he was so taken aback with your chemistry, and with hiding his identity, that the two of you skipped over each other as people.

“Okay, I-I didn’t know that. What do I do to show her, then, though?”

Curtis laughed dryly. “That’s for you to figure out. And sure, it could come in the form of gifts, but more so, it should come in the form of you. Do something that shows you’re willing to go by her pace, to learn the way she works and lives her life, not that you’re trying to fit her into yours, or worse yet, have her be an accessory to everything else you have going on. Decks is someone worth prioritizing.”

“Yeah, I know. Fuck. Well then it seems like I’ve got some work to do.”

“Big time. Now, my turn, because I wanna know the extent of hell you and I may have gone through together in another sense. Tell me what Lillian was like growing up.”

Steve smiled a little in the corner of his mouth. Maybe once he fixed it all with you, he and Curtis could get along after all. “Well, I’ll tell you what. I’m a saint compared to her.”

Curtis snickered. “I figured, golden boy.”

Earlier this morning, just before your departure

You shuffled around upstairs in the farmhouse, gathering the few items you came with in preparation to head back home. You knew the boys were out getting Curtis with cautious optimism they’d be back any minute. Bee and Cherry were downstairs, cleaning up the dishes from breakfast as you packed.

As you looked out the window, you saw an SUV turn off the dirt road and onto the driveway. You finished shoving everything else in your bag, slung it over your shoulder and went down the steps. When you got there, you saw Cherry walking out the front door as Bee was digging a broom and dustpan out of the closet.

You dropped your bag on the bench to scope the area, morning light glowing through the curtains. Your survey was cut short, though.

“Decks, be a dear and hold this dustpan for me, won’t you?”

You silently nodded, squatting down and looking at the shattered coffee mug. Bee didn’t seem on alert, though. She seemed relieved, and that’s when you heard Curtis’s voice on the other side of the door. You perked up before going to throw away the ceramic shards.

Just as you were dusting off your hands, the front door creaked open revealing Curtis a little battered and bruised, but walking just fine. As Bee put away the broom, you ran up to him and threw your arms around his neck. Your voice was muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

“I never thought I’d have to say a statement like this twice in a couple months, but I’m so happy you’re alive.”

Curtis laughed and rubbed your back. “Sure am. And I agree. That’s enough mob business for now.”

You let out a watery laugh, pulling away and letting Bee in to see her cousin. The door remained open and your eyes went straight to your bag again. As you grabbed it and put it over your shoulder, you quickly shuffled out the door, past the two large and suited men, running towards the third one who had agreed to drive you home.

Steve had walked in the house, ready to talk to you, but was caught by surprise when you zipped past him. As Bucky joined the group in the living room, ready to debrief everyone, all Steve could focus on was you. He lurched forward on his feet, shoved by Curtis, and used the momentum to jog down to Bucky’s car where you had already gotten in the passenger seat.

Peter was still standing outside the driver’s side as you looked straight ahead, arms crossed and ready to leave now that Curtis was alright. You had no intention of speaking with Steve, even though he was knocking on your window with a concerned look on his face.

“Decks. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

You shook your head just barely enough for him to see.

“Please? I want to apologize. I’m sorry.”

You reached a hand out to lower the window just a crack, still not granting him eye contact.

“Sorry for what, Steven?”

He took a deep breath, leaning forward so his one hand sat on the roof of the car, the other bracing the side mirror.

“Sorry for lying. Betraying your trust. Keeping the truth from you.”

You nodded, your lips pursed in slight anger and consideration. You finally whipped your head to face him.

“Did you ever think that maybe I wanted the choice, Steve? To know the truth. Decide whether or not what I felt for you was real by knowing all of you? You took that away from me.”

He nodded, staring down at the rocks in front of his feet. “I know, I know. That’s…..that was bad decision-making on my part-“

“See, but you got to make a decision. I didn’t. There’s a difference there. All that time spent together was a lie and a borderline waste.”

Steve shook his head, the watery blue of his eyes finally rising to meet yours again. “I don’t think it was. All those times with me, they were the real me, and I know they were the real you, too. That’s something I’ll never be sorry for: our time together. But I am sorry for taking the choice of you knowing what I might be getting you into.”

“You should be.” You faced forward in your seat again and rolled your window up, hearing Steve’s demands to Peter through the glass.

Next >

Bonus A/N: ooooooh! What does it all mean!? Hehehe🫣 was Curtis too nice to Steve? Be honest. Was bee too nice to Decks? Should she have pushed her back towards Steve a little harder?

Taglist: @evie-119 @hawkeyes-queen @ronearoundblindly @thedonswife13 @mercurial-chuckles @thezombieprostitute

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deliciousangelfestival · 1 year ago

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Switched Sides - Side Story || Lloyd Hansen

Lloyd with a baby girl? That would be so cute. She will be spoiled all the time. Thanks for the idea @jamespersephone

Little Doctor

Character : soft!dark Lloyd Hansen x reader, Lloyd Hansen x daughter, Lloyd Hansen x OC.

Categories : Fluff and fluff.

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Last Chapter

Side Story 1, Side Story 2

Main Masterlist || Buy me Ko-fi please 🥹

"Baby shark dooodoodoo, mommy shark doododo."

These lyrics are supposed to be a cute children's song, but the person who sings makes it sound like a military song.

The person who sings it is Lloyd Hansen. He knew this song a couple of years ago; he never thought that someday he would sing this towards another person.

But Lloyd doesn't mind if he has to sing this song hundreds of times since the other person keeps laughing when he sings it.

That other person is his daughter, Hazel Hansen.

She's the cutest baby and always smiles at anyone. She only cries when she's hungry; other than that, she's a calm baby, and her brother loves her.

"Dada." Hazel stretched out her little hands to Lloyd.

Seeing her cuteness and the way she called him 'Dada' made his heart feel full. He put his hand on his chest, lowered his knees and lay on the floor.

"Urgh. I need a doctor."

Hazel widened her eyes; she stood up slowly and walked towards her father. She put her hands on his chest. "Pain, pain, go away."

Lloyd chuckled, seeing his daughter look serious. She starts playing as a doctor when she sees Y/N treat Mark's hurt knee and Kendall bruises his forehead since the boys play sports all the time.

She wants to be like her mother.

Mark and Kendall, who have been with them all this time, also want to be her patient.

Mark touched his knees. "Aw, my knees."

Kendall was overacting, "Hazel, my shoulder hurts."

Hazel wiggled from her father and then ran to her brother to check on them. "Pain goes away. Brother is fine."

Mark and Kendall pecked her fluffy cheeks. "Thank you, doctor Hazel."

Y/N, who was knitting a sweater, shook her head. Looking at how the three boys are clinging towards Hazel, it will be difficult for her to get a boyfriend in the future.

In the future.

"Dad, I'm going to the library. I'll be back before seven." Before Lloyd could say anything, Hazel ran faster, leaving the house.

Lloyd felt something didn't fit right. He had prepared all the books related to her school in their study room so she didn't have to go to the library.

He doesn't want his baby daughter to feel uncomfortable in public places.

"She told me she has a study group."

"Group? How many people?"

"All female or with boys?"

Y/N smirked; the boys in this house would be on their guard if they found out that Hazel was studying with her crush.

She teased them a bit. "Hazel only goes out to study, and you guys are already on guard. What would happen if she went to prom with a boy?"

Lloyd scoffed, "Over my dead body."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Not a chance."

Kendall shook his head. "That will never happen."

Y/N laughed, hearing their similar answers. Poor Hazel, her future boyfriend will struggle to deal with these three men.

Thank you so much for reading and following the series.

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Last Chapter.

Side Story 1, Side Story 2

Main Masterlist || Buy me Ko-fi please 🥹

Taglist:

@sabrinaselina55, @magnificentsaladllama , @cherrybubblebullet @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters , @bagoffeelings @darkofimagination, @starsofcloud, @thatzolagirl, @distancedss, @mswgtsd @chibijusstuff , @jamespersephone

#chris evans characters #lloyd hansen x reader #soft!dark lloyd hansen imagine #lloyd hansen x fem!reader #lloyd hansen x fic #lloyd hansen x y/n #switched sides series #lloyd hansen imagine #lloyd hansen x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x reader #the grey man au #lloyd hansen fluff #lloyd hansen fanfiction

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theachskid · 1 month ago

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Hello! Welcome to my blog! ✨️

You can call me Achs! You pronounce Achs as Aw-ch.💪💯

My pronouns are she/her/hers//it/it's, and I'm Demipansexual!

On this blog, you will see my art/ my oc (Alanza) and other characters. You will also see some memes, music (bands, and stuff), and my bearded dragon piccaso!

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

my art will have blo0d, scars, and other content that may be uncomfortable for some.

ALSO, I AM A MINOR!!!⛏️⛏️⛏️

⚠️RULES⚠️

🔸️DNI, if you're a terf, transphobic. Homophonic, racist, sexist, or any other hatred to any kind

🔸️ Dont like it. Don't interact

🔸️be kind to anyone who interacts on this blog! my moots, people who comment, *me*, basically everyone!

I do art requests! So send me asks! ✌️✨️❤️

You can find My stuff on..

Youtube: @The_Achs_kid / ~Artists Achs~

Ibis paint: The Achs kid

That's about it...😪

The rest is just things I like! And things about me!

📺shows i watch:

Young sheldon, Evil lives here, mha, Sxf, Demon slayer, Komi can't communicate, Ghost, ghost adventures, fear thy neighbor, married to evil, see no evil, Monsters: Eric and Lyle Mendez story, and Avatar the last airbender.

🎬Movies I like:

Nightmare before christmas, blended, the silent voice, the sixth scene ,the quiet place, imaginary, the longest yard, over the hedge, surfs up,happy Gilmore, Ragnorok, Evan hansen, Guardians the Galaxy vol.2, shark tale, and deadpool (1,2 and 3)

📚Books I'm reading/ have read.

Obsessed, the collected, American murder houses, the girl in the locked room, the ghost in the head lights, Percy jackson: the lighting theif, and Percy jackson: the sea of monsters.

🎨Artist I listen to:

Pierce the veil, Korn, TV girl, insane clown posse, odetari, 6arelyhuman, queen, panic! at the disco, sir mix-a-lot, eminem, kesha, mitski, queen, marina and the diamonds, Alec Benjamin, doja cat, miracle musical, fall out boy, mother mother, Bruno Mars, Tally Hall, kendrick Lamar, And Tyler the creator.

🎮Video games I play (mobile and console):

Amoug the sleep, hello neighbor, goat simulater, untitled goose game, roblox, cube escape, block blast, story teller, Fnaf, sims 4, little miss fortcreepy tails, and organizer.

Facts about muah <3

I speak 2 languages! Spanish and English, and I'm trying to learn German and hungarian because that's what I am!

I do dance! I just left my dance class and I'm trying to find a new one!

I have 4 awards! 3 art awards and 1 government award for being a good student!

I have eplipsy and anhidrosis! Anhidrosis means I can't sweat!

I'm a big-time collector! I collect rubber ducks, funko pops, stickers, stuffed animals, crystals, and glass bottle caps.

I'm allergic to 3 things! Kiwis, amoxicillin and fake jewelry

ALSO, IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT ANY OF THIS STUFF YOU CAN ASK.

My radom favorite things!

Favorite place : the beach

Favorite food : sushi

Favorite song: pass the nirvana- pierce the veil

Favorite sport team: sandiago padres- baseball

Favorite yt: Duncanyounot and funkyfrogbait

What my # means!

#help... he is attacking me... :THIS IS MEANT FOR MY BEARDED DRAGON°°

#Asks ✨️<3: when someone asks me stuff

#hi anon:): when an anon asks me something

#in the clurb we all fam: This is meant for when me, spencerisdead, and rafrfr hang out!

SHIPS I GO FOR 💪💯

Izuocha , kirimina , todomomo , bakucamie , tokotsuyu , Erasermic , twiyor, damianya , shouko X Shoya , kamijirou , ojitoru , katarang , Alberta X Peter , Thor X flower , and probably more i can't think of 😅

Also, go check out my mutruals!

@rafrfr @leviathan-winters @generalallxsanjishipper @innercupcakehottub-blog @scobunny @myausofia @lastnightstoryart @sparklykat-hideoutenthusiast

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sunnysideprincess · 1 year ago

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The thing about gaining Captain's privilege was Nat's idea. Apparently, Pepper's wife had run circles with old Captain before the man croaked in his sleep. The Black Widow had been the next suitable candidate for the throne. But then Natasha Romanoff disappeared off the face of the planet and somewhere else, Natalie Rushman popped up engaged to the newest CEO of Stark Industries. So Captain Sam Wilson had lasted three or four years, grieving his partner's death and ever so vigilant against Hydra or the Flag Smashers. Except some sassy twink working for his sister stole his heart and the next thing, there's Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes sitting on the throne as if it always belonged to him.

When Howard died, leaving behind a legacy of blood, carnage and betrayal, all Tony knew was that the ticker in his heart won't be ticking for too long (though he was the only one who knew that apart from Bruce) and that the blood on his hand won't ever wash off. The whole world had been shocked when he shut down the weapons division. His most secret contacts foamed in their mouth. Shield was sitting like a gaggle of spoiled children denied their toys for Christmas. And Thaddeus Ross had all but threatened to kick Rhodey to the curb if his boys weren't given the Merchant's special rewards. Though joke was on him, when his Rhodeybear got his ass for illegal experiments that exploded a part of new Harlem.

Cheers to the stars, Tony Stark had pulled through in the nick of time and presented the world with SI's only saving grace: house hold appliances, defense utility for the army and now, green energy.

But the thing is—though the name dies, the enemy doesn't. And Tony Stark had a whole list of people who wanted him dead. (Not that they'd need to do much, if Bruce's warning went by anything.) Pepper had been crying the whole day when her new PA, Maya Hansen tried to kill him with a kitchen knife on the word of Aldrich. So Natalie-Natasha, whatever just took his hand and dragged him off to her old hangout.

It was there Tony came face to face with his biggest problem.

Of all things, Tony fucking Stark was no inexperienced twink living off the dime of his father. He wasn't some blushing virgin in the sheets. But he swears to god, his whole face had gone up to flames when Barnes looked him up and down like some graveyard judge and then grinned like a shark.

"I was wondering when I'd have the privilege of knowing you, Mister Stark," he recalls being purred over the spill of an expensive bottle of wine.

If his memory serves correct, Natalie had exploded in a world of Russian expletives and lectured Barnes about proper client etiquette. He doesn't remember much after that. But there might have been an obvious display of that gorgeous arm and the promise of a hefty fee for Barnes' personal time ", well I wouldn't call it being wasted, not when I'd be reaping up all the benefits, hmm?"

#mob boss bucky #mob au #tony stark #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #winteriron #buckytony #starbucks #deb writes in between #ficlets #ficlet #mcu #avengers #natasha romanov #pepper potts #blackpepper #peppernat #the plot bunny that didn't die

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mikefaistinfo · 6 months ago

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Interview: Mike Faist Tries to Keep His Cool as Riff in ‘West Side Story’

by: New York Times. Dec. 27, 2021

The actor, a star of Broadway musicals like “Dear Evan Hansen,” talks about playing the leader of the Jets in Steven Spielberg’s remake.

He’s the menacing gang leader who fights, frolics and finger-snaps his way through “West Side Story”: that’s Riff, the frontman of the Jets, who commands a cadre of lost boys in their turf battles against the Sharks, and takes center stage in numbers like “Jet Song” and “Cool.”

In Steven Spielberg’s remake with a screenplay by Tony Kushner, the role of Riff is played by Mike Faist, a 29-year-old veteran of the New York stage. Faist earned a Tony Award nomination in Broadway’s “Dear Evan Hansen,” where he originated the role of the title character’s would-be friend, Connor Murphy; he also performed in “Newsies the Musical,” understudying its hero, Jack Kelly.

Despite his theatrical pedigree, Faist said it was not so easy to keep calm and collected for this “West Side Story” — he did not necessarily think he had the required dancing skills and wasn’t sure of the project’s intentions.

As he explained in a recent video call, “I was nervous going into it, because of the Hollywood of it all. I thought it was maybe going to be this overproduced thing, and I was just going to be told what to do and where to stand and how to say it.” But, Faist said, Spielberg “allowed me the freedom, quite frankly, to run wild and to be liberated.”

Faist is garnering strong reviews for the performance and he is considered to be a contender for the coming awards season. He spoke further about the making of “West Side Story,” learning the choreography for “Cool” and being a leader to his Jets both onscreen and off. These are edited excerpts from the conversation.

How did you find out that Steven Spielberg was planning a remake of “West Side Story”?

Tony Kushner came to see us Off Broadway at “Dear Evan Hansen” and mentioned it. At the time I just thought, well, that’s cool. Congratulations. Best of luck with that. That was six years ago. Casting wanted me to submit a tape and then another tape and then come into the room and dance. I didn’t really want to. I do remember asking specifically, “Do I have to dance?” And they said, “This is ‘West Side Story.’”

Hadn’t you danced on Broadway?

The only dance show that I’d really done in New York was “Newsies.” For the most part, really, I just pushed around sets. I danced as a kid and I like dancing at weddings, that’s fun. But I wouldn’t say that I speak the language.

As you started to audition for the film, could you see yourself as Riff?

Originally they asked if I could put a tape together for Tony. I sang “Maria” and I read a scene or two. Months later they called me in and said we’d like you to put together a tape for Riff. I got excited. But you can never invest too much. After reading for the part, there was just this energy and this realization that this shoe fits. And, oh crap. [Laughs.] Now I have to do it.

Once you had landed the role, did you talk with Kushner and Spielberg about how they envisioned Riff?

We talked about the relationship between Tony and Riff. Tony wants to be a different person, someone better than who he was. And it’s nearly impossible for Riff to let go of who Tony was for him. It’s like going home for Thanksgiving. “This is who I am.” And your family’s like, “No, you’re this.” That’s the simpler version of what I’m trying to say.

Were you also considered for the film adaptation of “Dear Evan Hansen”?

I was approached about being part of the film. But the truth is that for me, I just felt like I couldn’t do it. I had already given everything I could to that role and I had already left it at that point. I didn’t feel like I could do it justice. It was something that I really grappled with. I came to the realization that you can’t go home again.

Once you started work on “West Side Story,” where did you begin?

Early in the rehearsal process, it was just Ansel [Elgort, who plays Tony] and I and handful of Jets, and we started to work on “Cool.” There wasn’t a script yet, for that first month of rehearsals, so it was mostly for them to get Ansel and me into shape — learning this choreo, then explaining the story and the context of that number.

Did you film that sequence on a soundstage?

That was a set in Sunset Park in Brooklyn over the East River. One of the Jets, Harrison Coll, who’s in that number, his father had passed away recently. We had been rehearsing that number for four or five months at this point, and when we finally finished, on that last day of shooting, Harrison brought his dad’s ashes and we went to the East River right there. We actually sang “Jet Song” and Harrison said a little something and thanked his dad and then he released his dad’s ashes into the East River. It was something that was transcendent and we really valued the experience.

“Jet Song” is one of Riff’s iconic numbers. What did that mean to you, particularly as it’s depicted in this version of the film?

Where we start with the Jets, they are on the brink of destruction. They are done but they just don’t realize it yet. They’re saying, “When you’re a Jet, you stay a Jet” — on top of a mound of rubble.

Did you feel particularly bonded to the other actors who played your fellow Jets?

I felt it was my personal obligation that we become a tribe. After the first day of rehearsal, we all went out to the bar down the street. Sans Baby John [the young gang member, played by Patrick Higgins], because he’s not old enough. [Laughs.] And I said, “Look, this one’s ours. This is our story and this is our version. You guys are a part of that.” I handed out assignments; “Jet-tivities” is what I called them. And no matter what it was, we all had to do it. We did a whole bunch of shenanigans that summer.

Are there any you can safely discuss?

We went to upstate New York and bought a full arsenal of Nerf guns. There’s video of us setting up this relay race in a house, having to shoot all these red plastic Solo cups from different angles. We did LARPing. It’s brutal, man. It looks like something totally nerdy, but then you’re there and you’re getting tackled by someone and shot in the private areas by arrows. We played laser tag once. I wanted them to feel like they were a part of something bigger. That way, when the cameras rolled, they just were there.

Did you have the opportunity to confer with Russ Tamblyn, who played Riff in the original film?

He did come to set and hung out for a day. He told us anecdotes, what the experience was like for him. But in terms of approaching the work, I’m not Russ Tamblyn. Only Russ Tamblyn is Russ Tamblyn. I can’t try to emulate or mimic what he does. And I didn’t want to. I think it would have done a disservice to try to incorporate him. It would have been an insult to what he brought.

The new film’s release was delayed by a year because of the pandemic. How did you feel when you learned it was being postponed?

I actually was relieved. Steven and I had a phone conversation last year, around September, when they were deciding whether they were going to release the film. At the time, I said to him, if no one ever saw this movie, it wouldn’t change anything to me. The experience of making the movie was everything. I meant it, but I’m an idiot and I take it all back now. Because if we’re going to show it, you want people to see it. After I had seen the film at the New York premiere, I ran into Steven in the lobby. And I said to him, I got to relive the experience of making the movie. I think when people see this, we give them a taste of that. I think this movie is a real testament to why a theatrical experience is important.

Interview by: Dave Itzkoff

Find here: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/27/movies/mike-faist-west-side-story-riff.html

#mike faist #interview #2021

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kaijuposting · 2 years ago

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Did the Precursors/Masters get new ideas from Newt's mind?

One theory in the Pacific Rim fandom is that the reason Leatherback resembles an Earth gorilla is because the Precursors/Masters read Newt's mind and got some new creature ideas. Is there evidence for this, though? If so, what is it? Well... it doesn't look good, actually. First of all, according to Pacific Rim creator Travis Beacham, that really isn't even how drifting works. Back in 2013, Beacham explained on his blog that you don't actually see all of someone's memories all at once - you mainly see whatever is going through their mind at the moment. The thing to understand about the drift is that it’s not a database. You don’t know everything your partner knows all at once. You perceive your co-pilot’s thoughts and feelings as they happen. Now, we see Newt thinking about a lot of things during his kaiju drift experiment, but gorillas are not among them. Now to be fair, while Beacham was the original creator of Pacific Rim, he was by no means the only creator during the actual production of the film, and Beacham's word doesn't always line up with canon (EG, claiming that jaeger name elements are never repeated, but also having a jaeger Victory Alpha in Tales From The Drift when Cherno Alpha existed). So the question is, does the movie back this up? Yes, in fact it does: Chuck Hansen: Hey, marshal! You know, that was a great speech but how exactly are you and I supposed to match up in there? Stacker Pentecost: I carry nothing into the Drift. No memories, no fear. No rank.

So within the context of the original Pacific Rim film, at least, it's very much possible to enter a drift without really sharing anything aside from your present thoughts. Additionally, Leatherback is by no means the first kaiju to resemble an Earth animal. For example, Onibaba looks like a crab, while Knifehead looks like a goblin shark. If we assume that the only way the Precursors could end up creating kaiju that resemble Earth animals is if someone from Earth is giving them ideas, then someone from Earth must have been giving them ideas for a very long time. And if that's true, there's no reason to assume Leatherback was derived specifically from Newt's memories at all. Gorillas aren't exactly obscure animals. A related theory holds that the Precursors/Masters were inspired to make Leatherback's EMP weapon from information about jaegers gathered from Newt. But once again, the drift doesn't let you rifle through someone's mind like a database, and Newt doesn't appear to have been thinking about jaegers at all during the kaiju drift experiment. One could argue that the Precursors/Masters didn't actually learn anything specific about jaegers, but just learned that Earth technology is generally powered by electricity. But would that really be all that hard for them to figure out on their own? The Precursors/Masters were very clearly collecting data from kaiju/jaeger fights for a long time; that was how they made them more and more effective at taking down jaegers, to the point where the jaeger program became unsustainable. Since the kaiju are connected to the hivemind, then it only makes sense that they're collecting this data through the kaiju's senses, which means that they'd notice things like kaiju getting zapped, whether from biting into jaegers or from tripping into something like an electrical power station. Again, if the Precursors/Masters need someone on the other side to tell them how to make kaiju more effective against jaegers, then there must have been somebody doing it long before Newt ever drifted. And if somebody's been doing it since long before Newt drifted, there's no reason to think that Newt's drift specifically gave them that data.

Hell, and if we're going to speculate that anyone on Earth was giving the Precursors/Masters information, why not consider the people who'd actually have motivation to do it - members of the kaiju church, perhaps?

#pacific rim #pacrim #pacific rim analysis #newt geiszler #drifting #the drift #kaiju #precursors #travis beacham

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toepher · 1 year ago

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I wrote this as a kind of self reflection piece and also for the month of June to bring awareness to men’s mental health. Of course it’s July 1st and I’m sharing it now but I be a procrastinator sometimes. It’s deeply personal and embarrassing. I hope all my dude/bros can read through it and derive some strength and insight. Love ya’ll!

Combat Sports…and cheers to everyone’s collective midlife crisis on social media…including my own!

I have always had a deep love for combat sports and I’ve always been a protagonist. It started with wrestling back in seventh grade. I survived my first year and won a single match. I got completely destroyed and dominated that year. When I moved to 8th grade we were given the option of either staying on the junior high school team where I’d have a much better chance of getting a spot in the lineup or moving up to the high school team to basically be a rag doll for the elite D11 monsters that were consistently in states earning podiums.

I chose the shark tank and most of the time since making that decision I’ve always chosen the shark tank over the comfortable route. I got completely massacred in that room over and over again. John Henry, Mike Ferrera, the Mcgoldrick brothers, the Farley brothers, Erik Hansen, and George Kauffers consistently beat the ever living shit out of me. It was brutal but I found strength in it and they took the time to really teach me the sport. I got lazy sophomore year and into partying, drinking, and drugging. I quit the team and that moment was the beginning of a dark path that intermittently dominated my life for many years.

It all came to a head after my father died. I never faced it. I didn’t know at the time but the conversations he always had with me about his experiences and AA were likely the little bit of glue I needed to keep me from complete self destruction. It was also him trying to pull me up and out of it all. I ignored the shit out of him. When he died I did what men do I picked myself up, ignored the pain, numbed the pain, and went on autopilot completely unconscious to the damage I was causing. In 2021 I made the decision to get sober and start to really challenge myself again. I hated who I was and I hated how I looked. I had sacrificed my morals, integrity, and health during that time period in a big way and I’ve been coming back from it ever since. I found my strength again in combat sports under Professor Matt Perez at American Killer Bees as well as a metric fuckton of support from my colleagues at work.

The goal was simple. I will not die like my father in a chair at 60 years old obese and riddled with co-morbidities. Though I’ve felt him with me and even saw him once during the last couple of months the importance of having dad in your life as long as humanly possible can never be understated and I wish he were here with me now in the physical plain more than ever. We must accept that with which we cannot change and have no control over. But as I write my own history I know full well I have control over what I chose to do and when I started down this path to fight again and eventually become the kindest most vicious monster I could ever be the central goal remains the same.

Live as long as I can for my children. It is statistically proven that children from two parent households and children raised by single fathers lead better lives. The prisons are literally filled with fatherless men and women as I write this. My children will never be without me and my stepson is my son. I give not a single fuck about the adoption I was unable to secure or the blood we do not share. I will never leave him or be anything less than a father to him regardless of circumstance.

When I walked back onto the mat at American KIller Bees in 2021 I was 257lbs of swollen alcoholic still gradually drying out. I had no concern then for the vanity that comes with exorcise and I’d caution anyone who starts down the road of physical accountability to put the vanity of reclaiming your healthy body to the very back of your mind. Focus on bigger things that matter more and just start showing the fuck up.

In the beginning you will be nothing but discouraged as you constantly measure yourself against others or free weights or the treadmill or whatever your schtick is. It doesn’t matter. What matters is showing up as much as humanly possible, doing whatever you can with the body you’ve got, and showing up again and again. More importantly than anything else is showing up when you don’t want to.

I’ve been showing up. I’ve been sharpening the sword. I’ve been working and developing my own game and I’ve been testing and measuring my skills against bigger, stronger, faster, and better men and during the beautiful pain of the process I have certainly become a monster again myself. However the monster I am now is one of total control. The foundation I’ve built through MMA and therapy has proven itself unbreakable thus far.

To many of you I’m sure I appear skinny and unassuming. I like it that way. It seems some people who think they know me routinely see my kindness and loving nature and mistaken it for weakness. The truth of it is my truth. I talk shit because I have bled, broken, and brutalized myself on those mats. I talk shit about life and psychology because I’ve survived tremendous darkness and educated myself through it with a good therapist. I talk shit because I’ve earned the right to speak it. I talk shit because I know I’m the total package nowadays and anyone in my circle will continue to be pulled and inspired by my daily quest to be a good man in the face of everything hell bent on making me into what I am not.

If anyone reading this wants to find out you’re more than welcome to come down and sign a waiver at the gym or openly debate anything with me. I have earned the right to tell the majority that you will find yourself sorely lacking if you haven’t been training your mind and body as I have. The two are more intricately connected than myself or anyone truly understands. I have become a psychological and physical savage in the nicest way possible and I’m proud of it but there is still much work left to do.

I found my why, it was in myself and my children. Get off your ass and go find yours. Stop sharing dumb quotes to an oceanic background and start putting the work in you fuckin savages!

“Aspire rather to be a hero than merely appear one”

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olath124 · 7 months ago

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Well... It's shark week (at least in my head): a week full of idiocy and shenanigans.

In the Baddieghest collective headcanon (because it wasn't my idea, you all fed into this!) once Hansen got his shark (one day I'll he'll tell you the story of how he got Shark Norris) his whole persona for a while became "shark daddy".

So here we have our ruthless and cruel lord and ruler of Hobotown sending to all his contact list (V: "All your contact list?!? Nobody will take you seriously anymore...") photos (bad photos) of him with his shark.

And Violet, of course, disses him with the few people she likes from that contact list (like the amazing Aon, @ouroboros-hideout and Alt, @blackrevell ). Well, the good thing about Shark Norris is that he helped Vio and a few people from Hansen's contact list become friends (Jago doesn't like the shark shenanigans either... You'll see why soon enough)...

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swldx · 7 months ago

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RNZ Pacific 1109 18 Apr 2024

11725Khz 1059 18 APR 2024 - RNZ PACIFIC (NEW ZEALAND) in ENGLISH from RANGITAIKI. SINPO = 45333. English, pips and news @1100z anchored by Lydia Lewis. The counting process for Solomon Islands' joint election is only just getting underway as the retrieval of ballot boxes from polling stations all across the country continues. In the first post-election update on Thursday morning, electoral chief Jasper Anisi said the public will notice a heavy police presence at counting centres across the country. He is urging Solomon Islanders to remain peaceful and remain calm to maintain good order around the counting stations. Drought conditions in parts of the Micronesia region have been upgraded from severe to extreme. The US Drought Monitor has upgraded drought conditions in the Federated States of Micronesia from severe to extreme, on the island state of Yap. Also facing extreme drought is the atoll of Wotje in the Marshall Islands. Also under severe drought are Guam, Palau and parts of the Commonwealth of the Marianas. The Hawaii Attorney General released thousands of details in the most comprehensive review of the Lahaina fire so far. "The purpose of this report is not to place blame but to make sure this doesn't happen again," said Attorney General Anne Lopez. Included in phase 1 of the report, is just how rapid the wildfire turned into an urban conflagration as it spread down the Maui hillside. "We saw spot fires at the ocean in 90 minutes. The fire traveling over a mile in 90 minutes is incredibly fast," stated Fire Safety Research Institute Executive Director Dr. Steve Kerber. Pacific leaders are in Greece for the 9th Our Oceans Conference this week. Nauru's climate change minister has told conference his government is relocating people from coastal settlements to higher ground in light of the climate crisis. Minister Asterio Appi said meaningful action is needed out of meetings like this. He said going home empty handed is always disheartening, especially when the costal erosion rate high across the Pacific. The conference was first organised by the US government in 2014. Papua New Guinea's Minister of Public Service, Joseph Sungi, says 70 percent of the public sector workforce is heavily indebted to loan sharks. New Zealand and the Philippines have pledged to bolster defence ties - making it easier for their armed forces to work together - as tensions rise in the Indo-Pacific. The commitment came after a sit-down meeting between Christopher Luxon and President Ferdinand "Bongbong" Romualdez Marcos Jr overnight. It was the final stop on the prime minister's South East Asia tour - with Luxon due to return to New Zealand early Sunday, and he clearly hit it off with his counterpart during their first proper meeting. Police were saddened to learn of the death of an elderly couple on their west Auckland property this week. Police have named the pair as Alfred Helge Hansen, aged 82, and Gaye Carole Hansen, aged 81. A ram was found in the paddock with them and was later shot dead. Police said postmortem results indicated injuries consistent with an animal attack. Sports. @1109z "Pacific Waves" anchored by female announcer. Backyard fence antenna w/MFJ-1020C active antenna (used as a preamplifier/preselector), Etón e1XM. 100kW, beamAz 325°, bearing 240°. Received at Plymouth, MN, United States, 12912KM from transmitter at Rangitaiki. Local time: 0559.

#shortwave #swl #dx #radio #english #new zealand #rnz #news #climate change #climate crisis #climate action

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deliciousangelfestival · 2 years ago

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Counting Days - Lloyd Hansen Series

Character: Lloyd Hansen x Rich!Female Reader

Words Count: 1,525

A/N: This is an extra story before Lloyd and Reader met. I hope you like it. It’s hard to end the story with this couple. But I don’t want to drag the story too long.

Thank you so much for all the reblog, likes, and comments.

This chapter is from Lloyd Hansen's Series - 3 Billion Divorce.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 (Extra Story)

And check out my other stories from Masterlist.

2190 days before they met.

Bored.

That's what Lloyd felt right now. Today he's attending Economic Summit, where rich people gathered. His job today is to guard his top client, a French Millionaire, Monsieur Gentry.

"Brightened up your face a bit Hansen. You are scaring them."

Lloyd growled, "Most of the attendance have bad record, you don't have to waste time talking to them."

The French millionaire sipped his champagne. "Hmm, you never know perhaps in the future, they could be your client."

Suddenly, everyone murmurs, making a space like Moses split the Red Sea.

"Fix your posture Lloyd, someone important is coming."

Lloyd doesn't understand who the giant shark is. He sees a group of people walking behind the older man. He seemed around 80, but Lloyd could sense this older man was a leader from afar.

"Mr.Benjamin L/N. Good to see you." Gentry approaches the older man.

When Lloyd heard the name, he finally understood why everyone inside the room changed their attitude immediately.

Benjamin L/N, also called Hand of Midas, he's the CEO of L/N&Co. His name has always been mentioned at Harvard. He started as a delivery man and now owns a billionaire company. Lloyd looked at Gentry; he looked smaller than Benjamin.

"Monsieur Grently." Benjamin nodded his head.

This is the first time Lloyd sees his top client being nervous.

Gentry didn't want to lose his face because everyone kept glancing in their direction. He cleared his throat "Ehem, do you find interesting company to invest?"

Benjamin clicked his tongue "No, just c*cksucker."

"Father… don't say it out loud." It seems like he's Benjamin's son. From the look of it, Lloyd could see that man being scared of his father.

"So what? You told me there will be potential company but all I can see is pointless presentation."

"Pfft." Lloyd couldn't hold his laugh.

Benjamin turned his head towards Lloyd. He snapped his fingers. "Who the f*ck are you?"

Before Gentry could explain, Lloyd said, "The only person here who won't try to impress you."

"I'm sorry Mr. Benjamin, he's my bodyguard that I hired for today."

Benjamin looks at Lloyd closely from head to toe. "What's your name?"

"Lloyd Hansen from Hansen Security."

"Still young but have established his company." Benjamin whispered.

"Why did you hired him?" He asks Gentry.

Gentry was nervous because if he said the wrong things, his money would lose money. "He's smart, cunning, ex-CIA and a problem solver sir."

Benjamin raised his eyebrows. "Man with his own rules."

"Are you single Mr.Hansen?"

"What's the point of asking that? Are you going to introduce him to your eldest granddaughter?" Gentry tries to brighten up the mood.

"No, his attitude reminded me of my youngest granddaughter."

"Ahh yeah, smart kid."

Benjamin's face started brightening when he talked about his youngest granddaughter. He begins to brag about her accomplishments. He finally stopped talking when his son told him to greet other people.

"See you again Gentry." Benjamin looked at Lloyd and said, "You too, rude man."

Lloyd raises his champagne glass. After Benjamin and his entourage go, Gentry feels relieved.

"Lloyd, he probably interested with your skill."

"Ooh, I thought we want me to be his grandson-in-law."

Gentry scoffed. "In your dream."

2188 Days left before they met.

After finishing his job with Monsieur Gentry, Lloyd asks his IT team to find out about Benjamin L/N's youngest granddaughter.

When he got home, the files were already put on his desk.

Lloyd read the file and lost interest; he had already assumed she was a nerd. She won't be able to stand with him because of what he does.

He threw away the files and said, "Sorry old man, she's not my type."

1825 days left before they met.

"Huufft."

You were exhausted every night from fixing every problem your relatives had made that could hurt the company's reputation.

You are supposed to handle the car manufacturers just like your father, but after you got the master's degree from Harvard, your grandfather appointed you to be the problem fixer.

Every day is always a new problem; it seems they did it intentionally.

But you won't give up because your grandfather trusts you.

"Y/N, we have arrived." Jimmy spoke from the driver's seat.

"Thanks Jimmy." Like every night, you always drop by the hospital to visit your grandfather.

He was diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago, already in stadium three. It made everyone panic, including the company and the main family.

You cannot visit your grandfather at lunch hour because your aunties were there and you always avoided them.

When you opened his door, Benjamin woke up and ate fast food.

You knew him as strong, but now he looks as skinny as bones because of the cancer.

Today he seems relaxed. Yesterday he was fierce and mad. You heard your aunt had another problem, and he cursed at them. Some say the whole hospital could listen to him.

Right now, he doesn’t look scary. He enjoys eating ice cream.

"Grandpa, doctor told you not to eat sugar."

"What's the point of preventing it? The cancer has spread all over my body."

"Didn't you make a declaration to the doctor that you will live until 100 years old."

"Haha, I did." He let a fake laugh. Your grandfather knew his time was near.

Benjamin sighed heavily ."Who's going to protect you when I'm gone?" Then he suddenly remembered, "Last year, I meet a young man that a security expert. I forgot his company name, but his name is Lloyd."

"He reminded me when I was young. Ambitious and ruthless."

"Perhaps you could hire his company."

You shook your head. "Yeah, yeah, why would I need a bodyguard when I'm stuck at the office the whole day."

"You never know what will happen, Y/N. I have assigned Jimmy to stay beside you. Ooh wait, I will ask James. Perhaps he knew. Because it's just not anybody who could stand beside Monsieur Gentry."

"Grandpa… Your presence is enough to make me feel safe."

"Ooh my granddaughter. I'm sorry." He puts down the ice cream and brings you to his arm. You can feel his bones; he's not as strong as he used to be.

"Don't cry, grandpa or you will fainted."

"You brat."

You could see his medicine start working because he kept yawning. You fix his pillow and blanket. "Time to go to bed."

He grabs your hand and says, "Y/N, I'm proud of you. And your parents too. The company will be safe in your hands."

You smiled and kissed his forehead. "Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow."

That was the last time you talked to him.

The next day he couldn't breathe because the water filled his lungs.

The next day the doctor announced his death.

The next day after the funeral, your grandfather's notary asked you to be in the same room with other relatives because he would read your grandfather's final wish.

1821 day before they met,

Y/N L/N's life turned hell when her grandfather wrote her name as the new CEO.

7 days before they met.

When his IT team got an encrypted message, Lloyd had just returned from his mission.

"Boss, you have to see this."

Lloyd looked at the screen and laughed hysterically.

40 million?!

That's the most significant contract he ever received.

Whose target made someone want to spend this kind of money?

When he looked at the files, he couldn't believe the coincidence. He read your file perhaps five years ago. Y/N L/N, 34 years old, granddaughters of the former CEO of L/N & Co, Single.

Lloyd remembers the older man that made Gentry scared. Benjamin L/N also wants to introduce him to his granddaughter.

He did ask for her file, but he lost interest.

He tapped his chin and looked at her picture on the screen. "I can't wait to meet you Y/N L/N."

The day they met.

"Boss we got the target."

Lloyd had been waiting for the call. He smiled. "Bring her here."

"What about the bodyguard?"

"Just throw him outside." Why should he care for a mere bodyguard?

The moment Lloyd saw you when his soldier carried you, who still fainted. You look weak.

'I don't want to kill her.' That was his first thought.

He wonders what you are going to do when you wake up. Cry, scream, curse, or beg for your life?

But you didn’t do one of those things. Instead, you look straight at him; he can sense you are frightened of him. Anyone would do the same when they got kidnapped.

"3 billion."

"Be my husband for a year and you will get other 2 billions."

Lloyd smirked; you’re not weak; he could see the fighter spirit in your eyes. Your survival instinct is strong. Your cockiness reminded him of your grandfather.

No wonder why your grandfather was so proud of you. Now this is the type of woman he likes.

He knelt and said, "You got yourself a husband Mrs. Hansen."

Author Note: It turned out they were destined to meet.

This chapter is from Lloyd Hansen's Series - 3 Billion Divorce.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 (Extra Story)

And check out my other stories from Masterlist.

Taglist:

@motivation-idontknowher

@evansce1

@chibijusstuff

@jasminxts

@alchemxx