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crazycat010 · 21 days ago

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Jealousy Jealousy

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Based on the song "Jealousy Jealousy" by Olivia Rodrigo.

PART 2 : Scars

PART 3 : I chose you

Warnings: insecurities, angst, sad, small fluff, reader loses her friend because of a new girl named Natasha (sorry if that's your name), unrequited love, mention of death and sacrificing yourself for Humanity's sake. Sad angsty ending but I'll do a part 2 if you want.

Reader insert, no reference to reader's body so it can be seen as female, gender neutral and male reader

"All your friends are so cool, you go out every night In your daddy's nice car, yeah, you're living the life Got a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend too I wanna be you so bad, and I don't even know you"

“Y/n?”

“Earth to Y/n?”

“Y/NNNN!” Hange yelled, pulling you out of your daydream.

“Sh!t sorry. I zoned out, again.” You explained yourself, trying to look anywhere but in your friend’s eyes.

“It’s what you’ve been doing this whole week. Just ask him out already!” She whisper-yelled.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” You replied stubbornly.

“C’mon Y/n, you’ve liked him since you first met him! If you don’t tell him how you feel now, you may never get the chance to!” Petra added.

“Thanks a lot you guys…” You said, slumping back in your seat lazily. How were you supposed to tell him, your Captain, Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, The Levi Ackerman, you were in love with him and had been for years now. You’d probably just make it weird and ruin your friendship with him, because no way in hell did he reciprocate your feelings.

“You know what? If you’re not going to tell him, I will!” Hange said resolute and determined to end your suffering. She had been your best friend since you’d graduated from being simple Cadets and knew better than anyone how much you were actually worth though also how much you thought lowly of yourself because of your insecurities and negative thoughts.

“WHAT?! NO!” You didn’t notice you’d raised your voice until you realized everyone was staring at you.

Your face became beet red as you waved it off with a small “Don’t worry, everything’s fine. We’re all fine.” Successfully getting everyone to go back to what they were previously doing.

“I wasn’t lying before, I’ll tell him if you don’t.” She went back to whispering, drawing your attention back to the stressful topic.

“Okay, okay fine. I’ll tell him! I just, need to get us a moment together, the perfect moment. I’ll think about it tomorrow, when I go to my parents’ house.”

Your friends, including Mike, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, high-fived each other victoriously, but were quick to act nonchalant as soon as they saw their Captain approaching you.

“What’s happening? I heard some commotion coming from here just minutes ago.” He asked, eyeing you all with his usual scowl.

Suddenly, your shoes became a very interesting view as Hange quickly answered: “Don’t worry Captain. Nothing happened! Y/n here was just…telling us about a few hand-to-hand combat techniques and discussing them with the team.”

He glanced at your petrified form questioningly, but swiftly came to the decision it was not an important matter.

“Anyways, I wanted to tell you, tomorrow a new member will be joining the Levi Squad, I want you all to welcome her but most importantly make sure to get along with her.” He continued.

You and the rest of the team stared at each other with a shocked expression on your face, though Petra was the first to speak up: “You referred to the new member with a her, so I suppose she’s a girl. Who is she?”

“Yeah, and when will we meet her?” Eld chimed in.

“Her name is Natasha and you’ll all meet her tomorrow morning at training, the rest, you can ask her for yourself.” He answered before retreating back to his office to finish writing the last papers before going to bed.

“Well, that’s new…” Eld said.

“Who even is she? I mean, she must be great with her skills and everything if Levi accepted her in our team.” Oluo said.

“I guess we’ll find out tomorrow. You don’t know anything about this, do you Hange?” Gunther sighed, running a hand through his neatly combed hair.

“I’m just as surprised as you are. How about you Mike?” The scientist returned the question to the silent blonde.

“Don’t look at me! I know about this just as much as you do.” He raised his hands in the air defensively.

“So she’s suddenly joining the team, nobody knows about her and Levi promptly refuses to tell us anything. She sure was able to become the center of attention before even coming.” Erd said.

“Hey Y/n, you okay?” Hange questioned you.

You had zoned out again…This Natasha girl sounded quite mysterious, but most of all, you weren’t accustomed to Levi’s eyes subtly lighting up when he talked about someone.

“Yeah, yeah don’t worry. I’m just tired, that’s all. In fact, I think I’mma head to bed, anybody coming with?” You got up from your seat lazily.

“Nah. I still have a few hours left to enjoy in me. See you in two days, right?” Gunther replied for everyone.

“Yeah.” You walked alone to your bedroom as unanswered questions swirled through your mind, mostly regarding Natasha and Levi. You pushed them down though, because they surely weren’t gonna ruin your free day with your parents.

The next day you woke up early and headed to town, where your parents owned a bakery. Your family’s apartment was right over it and you could still recall how much you used to help your parents when they were at work, sometimes getting scolded for not wanting to go to bed. You didn’t spend as much time there now, but Levi usually left you a few free days per month to visit your parents, and you sometimes also brought the rest of your team with you to have a hearty meal by the fireplace.

As always, your parents were marveled to see you and the day flew by too quickly. In the blink o an eye, you were back at the Scout’s, going to bed earlier than usual because of the tiredness caused by all the riding.

The next day, you were woken up by a ray of sunshine seeping through your window and illuminating the room.

You saw your companion Petra soundly sleeping on the bed on the other side of the room, so you dressed yourself without making any noise and walked your way to the stables.

“Hello Grass Goblin!” You saluted your hooved friend smirking happily. Her real name was Lily, in honor of the beautiful flowers you put in her hair when you braided it, but you’d had her for so much time you had become besties to the point the nickname rolled off your tongue more naturally than her real name.

You brought your horse out for a ride, fed her and combed her hair into a beautiful braid with a few flowers tucked in between.

Before you’d realized, it wast time for you to go to training, which meant you’d finally get to meet this mysterious Natasha.

You were sure you had arrived on time, nonetheless, the moment you stepped into the training area you found your team, Levi and an unfamiliar blondie chatting loudly and carelessly, as if they had been friends since forever.

To say this whole situation weirded you out was an understatement: your teammates had taken days or even months to warm up to you, and if Levi talked to you now it was only thanks to the years of hard work and missions done for and with him. Nonetheless, they had become best friends with this new chick in what, a day and a half? From where you stood, you could also see Levi smiling. Okay, what? Like, you didn’t even think the word “smile” existed in his vocabulary and suddenly he was there, grinning ear to ear in the face of this new kid?!

You approached the laughing group in a matter of minutes with a weird: “Hey guys!”

The moment they saw you, they all shut up and stopped laughing, turning to look at their shoes or share strange looks with each other.

You shrugged it off: focusing on this situation wouldn’t bring you any good and you still had to figure out a way to talk to Levi about your feelings.

Levi spoke up: “So, for today’s training we’ll divide the team into pairs and do some exercises in the woods. Form the pairs and go grab your horses, we’ll meet there in 10. Oh, and Gunther, you’re coming with me.”

Gunther visibly slumped, shoulders dropping as he prepared himself mentally for hours of scoldings and glares from his Captain.

As soon as Levi was out of range, you hit Gunther lightly in the shoulder, telling him ironically: “C’mon man, wasn’t it your dream to work with the Levi Ackerman?”

“Yeah, until I actually started working with him! He scolds me so much I wouldn’t be surprised if he got angry with me because of my favorite color.”

“What’s your favorite color?” You asked him, heading to the stables once again.

“Blue, yours?”

“Don’t really have one. I like all bright colors equally, though it depends on the day.”

“You know what? I ain’t even gonna ask you questions. Learned my lesson over the years.” He laughed, departing to go get his horse.

Oluo and Erd had formed a pair, and you saw Petra chatting with Anastasia on the other side of the stables, so you went to ask her: “Hi Anastasia! Hi Petra! Would you like to be in pair with me for the exercises?”

“Sorry Y/n, I’m already with Anastasia and we can’t be in three…” She tried to explain herself.

“Because…?” What was up with her? Levi always let you form groups of three with another teammate whenever someone was missing.

“Because we can’t, okay? Stop asking dumb questions!” She basically hissed at you, annoyed.

Okay, what was happening? You’re away for what, a night and a couple of hours and they all hate you out of the blue? You watched as the two girls got on their horses, giggling like two teenage girls and rode off, not even bothering to wait for you.

A wave of sadness washed over you, and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes, yet you took all your strong will and pushed them back, not wanting to show the vulnerable side of you for idiotic situations like this. You had always been very emotional, and nobody before your team and Hange had ever gone out of their way to help you or talk to you. When you’d joined the Cadets you were pretty much of a loner, but Hange had managed to get you out of your shell and you’d learned how to make friends, eventually leading to you befriending the infamous ‘Levi Squad’.

However, you were probably overthinking it all, as usual. Your friends wouldn’t possibly leave you just like this, with no warning or reason whatsoever, right?

You headed to the woods’ entrance, were the rest of your team was awaiting you.

“So, are all the pairs formed?” Levi asked.

“Yeah” Everybody answered, except for you, though he didn’t notice it and went off to explain the exercises to everyone.

The training had been agonizingly long and painful and, as soon as sundown approached, you were all eager to get off your horses, eat something and skedaddle to bed as quickly as possible.

“Hey guys, how about we all have dinner together?” You suggested.

“Sorry Y/n, but me and Natasha wanted to eat together and then chat for a bit.” Petra apologized.

“No can do, me and the boys are going in town. Sorry.” Erd answered.

“Oh…Okay. That’s fine, it’s absolutely fine. I-I mean, it’s not like we don’t already see each other every day right?” You said awkwardly.

Petra offered you an apologetic smile and then went off with her new friend, the boys getting their horses to the stables.

You didn’t exactly know what you would do that night, but perhaps you could wait for Hange to finish her shift at the Lab and have dinner with her.

After hours spent wandering around the huge building, it was finally the time of the end of her shift, so you ran to her study eager to tell her about your day and hear about hers, as you did almost every night.

“Hangeeeee!!!” You exclaimed, barging into her room with a big smile plastered on your face, excitement etched all over your features.

“Hey Y/n!” She responded. There was something off about the way she was acting, and you’d noticed how she was way less happy to see you than usual, so you decided to investigate: “What’s up with you today?”

“Listen Y/n, I’m truly sorry. I know you’ve been waiting for me to finish this job for hours so we could eat together, but I already had something planned tonight and I really don’t want to miss it. You wouldn’t mind if we skipped today’s daily catch up, right?” She pleaded.

You were taken aback, what has happening? You’re absent for a day and suddenly nobody can eat or spend time with you?

“So…?” She asked again, seeing as you’d zoned out.

“Y-yeah yeah, ��s fine don’t worry.” You gave her a tight lipped smile, shutting the door behind you and going outside on a walk to clear your mind.

The next few days were spent like this, everyone seemingly avoiding your presence. Hange had started having more and more plans at dinner so you never actually got to talk, and the rest of your team were just ignoring you, making up fake excuses in order to not spend time with you. However, you’d noticed how they always regrouped with Natasha. One day, you decided you wanted to get to know this new girl, and with only good intentions in your heart, you approached her while she chatted with Petra and Hange. What you didn’t expect, however, was the side eye she gave you, chuckling under her breath and asking: “Who’re you?”

“I’m Y/n, one of your teammates.” You answered.

“Really? Didn’t think Levi would ever choose a comrade so ugly and annoying.” She continued, though facing your two ex-friends now: “C’mon girls. Have you ever seen her actually do anything? She spends all the training just drooling at our Captain.”

You looked at her in utter confusion, turning to your friends as Hange grabbed your wrist and dragged you away from the pathetic blondie.

“Who the fuck does she think she is?” You hissed.

“Hey Y/n, calm down, you’re overreacting. I swear she’s nice, you just need to get used to her.”

“So what, you’re like defending her now?” You scoffed, not wanting to believe your best friend of a lifetime was turning against you.

“Why? Can’t I? She’s my friend.” Hange replied.

“You’re my friend too!” You spat back.

She didn’t say anything, so you took that as your cue to leave.

You locked yourself in your room and didn’t get out for hours, crying and sobbing because it suddenly felt like you were unwanted and unloved, just like the first time you’d come here.

You needed some fresh air, so you decided to head out for a ride with Lily. Just as you got out of the building, you heard some loud chatter and a faint smell of marshmallows coming from the other side of the building.

You followed the noise, realizing it came from the porch were you usually ate dinner around a fire with your friends, before the whole Natasha-thing happened.

You hid behind a pillar, recognizing all your friends’ voices, trying to recompose yourself in order to go see what all this was about without letting your troubled side show.

The first thing you saw were your friends in a circle, rounded around a fire, roasting marshmallow on wooden sticks. The next thing, though, is what hurt you the most: Natasha was sitting on a boy’s lap, kissing him passionately, her marshmallow long forgotten on the ground. As they separated themselves to catch their breath, giggling like high schoolers, you recognized your Captain and love of a lifetime as the one who was kissing her. He was looking at her so affectionately, completely focused on her and with a love sick look in his eyes you’d never seen him with.

Is this what your friends had been doing every night behind your back?

Tears streaming down your face, you stomped in the area, all your friends suddenly noticing your presence as the chatter ended in a matter of seconds.

Nobody dared to look at your fiery eyes, opting to look at the ground instead.

“What is this?” You broke the silence, venom in your words.

Hange was the first one to get up, trying to get your wrist like she always did when she wanted you to calm down. “Y/n please.”

“Oh don’t you Y/n me! You hung out together, leaving me out for all this time, not even once thinking about asking me to join, when I’ve been inviting you to eat together every single day.” You said, words latched with anger.

“We can explain, please Y/n!” She pleaded you, but you slapped her hand off of you, repelled by her.

“No, we don’t need to explain ourselves to her, do we guys?” Natasha had rose up to her feet, facing you with a smug smirk.

“She’s right Y/n. Can’t we have other friends? Or do we have to spend every second of our lives with you?” Petra argued, going to stand by her new friend.

“Spend every…What the heck you guys? I’m away for one day and you all suddenly hate me?” You were trying as hard as you could to not let your emotions get in the way, but it was noticeable how your voice had cracked mid-sentence.

“We don’t hate you Y/n. We’re just tired…” Gunther answered lazily, not tearing his gaze away from his half burnt marshmallow.

“Of what Gunther? Tired of what?”

“Of you Y/n! Don’t you understand? They’re all sick of you trying to always be the center of attention, you’re useless and you act so childishly and god, you’re so damn emotional!” Natasha said.

You simply stared at them, tears pooling in your eyes and body trembling as your mind wasn’t able to register what was happening. All your greatest fears were coming to life: your friends had turned their back on you and hated you with all their guts. They’d eventually leave you and you’d become the same lonely loser you always had been.

“We’re sorry we had to break it to you this way, but she’s right, Y/n. We’re tired of you.” Erd finally spoke up, his voice lacking the usual warmth you once found comfort in.

It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. Your chest tightened, a suffocating weight pressing down on you. Their words rang in your ears, over and over again, slicing through you like a thousand tiny blades.

Your lips parted, but no words came out—just a sharp inhale, like a drowning person gasping for breath. Your fingers clenched into fists at your sides, trying to steady yourself, but it was pointless. The trembling wouldn’t stop.

Then, your eyes found him.

Levi stood there, arms crossed, his usual unreadable expression in place. He hadn't spoken, hadn’t even looked at you properly. But what shattered you completely was what he didn’t do—he didn’t defend you. Not once.

Because he didn’t care.

Not about you. Not like you had hoped.

Not like he did for her.

Natasha was standing close to him, too close, her hand brushing against his arm as she smirked at you, victorious. And Levi let it happen. He let her claim him, let her act like she belonged by his side.

A choked sob escaped before you could stop it. You felt the tears spill over, warm against your cheeks as your body moved on its own.

You ran.You pushed past them, ignoring Hange’s desperate call of your name, ignoring the sting of their words echoing in your mind.

Your feet carried you blindly through the hallways of the barracks, past flickering candlelight and empty corridors, until you reached the safety of your dorm.

Slamming the door shut behind you, you collapsed onto your bed, burying your face in your pillow as the sobs wracked your body.

You had never felt more alone.

You had lost them.

And worst of all… you had lost him.

The next day you woke up with a throbbing headache, eyes puffy from all the crying and snot filling your nostrils.

You sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the ground, your heart heavy and tight. You could hear their voices outside your room—Levi and Natasha laughing, talking easily. Your stomach twisted.

The sound of it was enough to send you spiraling into a pit of self-doubt.

You’d spent so much time pushing those feelings down. Trying to convince yourself you were strong, that you weren’t someone to get lost in jealousy, but now, it was impossible to ignore.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to shut out the thoughts that swirled in your mind. Natasha was everything you weren’t. Beautiful. Confident. Easy to talk to. And Levi... Levi always looked at her like she was perfect. You could see it, even when Natasha wasn’t around. It was the way he smiled when she walked into a room, the way his gaze lingered just a little too long.

He’d never look at you like that.

Your fingers ran through your hair, the weight of the realization sinking in. The truth you refused to see until now was clear. Levi would never love you the way he loved Natasha. He wouldn’t even have to think twice about it. Natasha had everything—beauty, grace, strength. All you had were scars, insecurities, and the weight of your own broken heart.

You’d never been able to see yourself the way Levi saw you, and now... now you didn’t know how to make him see you differently. You weren’t enough. You were never going to be enough.

Your breath hitched as you looked in the mirror. Your reflection was a stranger—a girl who had tried so hard to fit in, to pretend she was something she wasn’t, to make herself worthy of the things she could never have. You weren’t Natasha. You’d never be Natasha.

Your fingers brushed the scars that marked your skin—physical reminders of all the things you’d lost, all the parts of yourself you could never get back.

And then there was Levi.

You knew you could never ask him to choose you over Natasha. Natasha was everything you weren’t. She had beauty that drew people in, confidence that made everyone love her. You didn’t have that. You were just... ordinary, bruised, broken.

"He doesn’t love me," you whispered under your breath, your voice barely audible. "He loves her.”

A bitter laugh escaped your lips, and you hated yourself for feeling this way, for being so weak, for letting your insecurities get the best of you. But it was undeniable. Every time you saw the way Levi looked at Natasha, you couldn’t help but feel like you were competing with a version of yourself you could never reach.

Your heart felt like it was cracking. Maybe you’d fooled yourself into thinking he could love you.

Maybe he did, but he would always love Natasha more.

Your chest tightened, the tears starting to blur your vision. You wiped them away angrily.

No, you couldn’t be this girl. You couldn’t let jealousy take over. But the truth was clear now. Levi would never see you the way you wanted him to.

With an agonizingly slow pace, you got ready for today’s mission: you and the rest of the Levi Squad were going to head out of the Walls. You couldn’t leave now, not when the formation included you as a spotter for Titans, but perhaps you could free them of your presence after the mission.

You didn’t go to breakfast, stomach closed and eating having become only a small problem at the end of the list of the things you had to fix, or end, in this case.

With an empty look in your eyes, you headed to the stables, finding your teammates also getting ready for the mission.

They were silent, though for once, you didn’t want to break the silence. You started to realize how much it was valuable: it wasn’t something you needed to fill anymore, but something that filled you.

You sensed their apologetic looks, Natasha’s victorious smile and Levi’s usual cold yet troubled gaze, but you kept your eyes trained on the ground in front of you, or on the surrounding land once you were out of the walls.

As you were returning after a long day of scouting, a group of Titans approached you, running at an insane speed.

“They’re catching up on us!” Petra exclaimed, terror filling the senses of you all.

“What do we have to do Levi?” Natasha asked her new boyfriend.

“We have to keep riding, let’s hope we can reach the walls in time.” He replied.

“We’re never gonna make, they’re running way faster than usual!” Erd said.

“The Captain told us to keep riding, so shut up and do what you’ve been ordered to!” Gunther scolded you, putting everyone back in position.

Suddenly, the Walls came into view: you’d made it, you were going to live!

Your hope was quick to die however, as you looked back and saw the Titans at barely miles apart. They would have reached you before you could make it back.

You were all going to die! You had to do something!

You took a long breath, a peaceful smile appearing on your face.

“Why are you smiling? We’re going to die!” Petra asked you, worried.

“No you’re not. You’re not going to die today…” You’d made your decision, yet deep down, you’d always known. You loved your friends and cared about them too deeply to let them die at the hands of such monstrous creatures. Even though they had all been little sh!ts to you in the past few days, they were all the most loving and caring souls one could find inside the walls. Without looking back, they’d offered their lives, sacrificing their future for a greater good, in order to save Humanity, even though nobody was there to save them. They were skilled warriors and Humanity would already have been destroyed it it weren’t for their work. They were far more valuable than you were, and Humanity couldn’t lose them. You would rather have them and your parents alive but sad, than everybody dead because you didn’t have the courage to do what needed to be done.

“Just know that, I love you guys, and I’ll always carry you in my heart, no matter what you’ve done or said. Oh, and tell my parents I love them too, alright?” You continued your last speech, realization dawning over your friends as they looked back at you in horror.

Too late did they start yelling your name, for you’d already slowed down your horse to a walk, turning to face the group of beasts.

“Keep riding! She’s saving us! Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain.” Levi yelled, urging his horse and companions forward, closer to the walls and further from their friend.

You watched as they disappeared from your view, nothing but little black dots in a sea of green, a few tears trailing down your chin.

This was it, the end. If you’d known you would’ve died so soon, you probably would’ve hugged your parents tighter that day, but it was too late to regret your choices now. Your time had arrived, you may be forgotten, but you would have done your job to keep humanity safe for a bit longer. A determined look fell on your face, as you turned around to face the Titans. You were going to die, you were sure of it, but you sure as heck weren’t going down without a fight!

Hiii! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you've appreciated this post. I'll start working on Part 2 as soon as possible but do tell if you have any specific requests! You're more than welcome to come check out my account with my other posts and/or make requests(MASTERLIST). Do NOT plagiarize this or any of my content.

Love you guys! See you soon!😘

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