#hang out twice so far. he never did that before and im just like... sir do you have a motif or not? whats your thing? sir?

[alpinelogy]

.

[snake-rot]

(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?

[kireii-writes]

okay so what if megumi brought his friend over to hang out only to have toji sneak them away and rearrange their gutss

ah also i really enjoy your work! i hope you’re living your best life :)

Taint

-

a/n: thanku anon! i hope you’re living your best life too <3 // also another toji thirst?? you really know how to get me going. i may or may not have went too far with this too because it’s toji, duh

-

warning(s):​ nsfw dubcon, toji rearranging reader’s guts, riding toji (because toji is a dick), kinda slow burn- im so invested in this man

-

Going to Megumi’s house everyday after school was sort of a ritual for you. Every time you hung out at his house, the both of you would end up in front of the TV, two pairs of eyes glued to the screen as fingers danced deftly across two different game controllers.

Today was no different. Or so you thought.

“... that’s why, Gojo-sensei will be the death of me one day.” You sighed as you and Megumi reached his front gate.

“Ah.” Realization struck him abruptly at the mention of the white haired teacher. “I forgot to grab something. There’s this new sweet that Gojo-sensei wants me to get for him.” Megumi let out a sigh at the thought of having to make an extra trip just to get something for his childlike teacher.

“I’ll be back soon, can you start lunch first please.” Megumi asked as he handed you the remaining bags of groceries the both of you had bought on the way back.

Muttering about how troublesome Gojo is, Megumi stalked off in the direction of the nearest convenience store before you could say anything. Left with no choice, you made your way into Megumi’s home, grateful that you decided to bring along the extra set of keys he had given to you before.

~~~

Humming to yourself, you grabbed a clean shirt from Megumi’s drawer and replaced it with your school uniform. Stepping out of your iffy school bottoms, a sigh of satisfaction escaped from you as the cool air hit your legs. You figured it would be fine, since you were the only one at home and you probably weren’t Megumi’s type.

Making your way to the kitchen, you began preparing lunch, engrossed in whatever you were making so much so that you did not realize someone had entered the house until you heard footsteps approaching you.

“Welcome back Megumi-” You looked up from the vegetables you were cutting, fully expecting your close friend. But instead, you came face to face with a towering man whom you recognize to be Megumi’s father. Though he was not frequently home, you’ve met him once or twice when he drops by.

“W-welcome home, Mr Fushiguro.” Your voice meek as you were suddenly conscious of the way you look- a few strands of hair falling across your face, you in nothing but Megumi’s over-sized shirt that dropped at a shoulder and your underwear.

You would never admit it, but the man in front of you made you more excited than you should be. “Just Toji is fine.” The short haired male smirked as he made his way towards you.

“Don’t let me stop you.” Toji gestured at the vegetables you were cutting up before he appeared. “I look forward to having lunch with you, y/n.”

Just the sound of your name rolling of his tongue was enough to drive you insane.

Sure, Toji may be hot, but he’s the father of your close friend. What would Megumi think of you if you told him you’re attracted to his father? Plus, he was too old for you and probably sees you as nothing but a small child.

Ignoring the blatant stares of Toji as he parked himself at the dining table, you focused on the task at hand and whipped up a hot lunch for the three of you.

“Megumi would be home soon, would you mind waiting?” You asked Toji, making sure to avoid all eye contact as you placed a bowl of rice and miso soup in front of him and trying your best to ignore how he looked at your legs with no shame.

“I don’t know, can you wait?” Toji licked his lips. Instantly, the action drew you to his wet lips. How would his lips feel on your skin? You were dying to find out. Rubbing your legs together subtly, you were about to give an answer when Megumi emerged, the surprised look on his face immediately masked by an expressionless one when he saw you talking to his father.

“You’re here.” Megumi stated gruffly, refusing to make eye contact with his father. Given how things had turned out, you couldn’t blame him. But the tension that hung in the air was getting too thick for your comfort.

“Megumi! I made your favorite dish, eat it before it gets cold.” You urged. A poor attempt at breaking the tension, you admitted. Thankfully, Megumi humored you and sat down opposite his father, while you took your place between the both of them, the three of you eating in silence.

“By the way, Megumi,” You piped up after awhile, hoping to ease the awkwardness between the father and son duo. “There’s this new game I’ve been wanting to try out, let’s play it after we finish eating.”

Nodding his head in agreement, the younger male continued to eat in silence.

~~~

“Give it up, loser.” You teased as Megumi groaned in frustration. “You’ll never beat me.” You giggled.

“Maybe it’s because I’m using the wrong controller. Here, give me yours.” Before you could react, a pair of strong arms tackled you onto the floor, hands and limbs entangled together as the both of you fought for the controller.

“No way!” You retorted and attempted to struggle out of Megumi’s grip. “It’s my lucky controller I’ve been using since day one!”

The both of you were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t realize Toji was staring at you underneath his son. If looks could kill, Megumi might be in danger by now.

As you finally pushed Megumi off of you, your face was flushed from your now exposed stomach when Megumi had struggled for the controller. Hastily pushing down your shirt, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment and relief seeing that Toji was nowhere to be found.

~~~

“I have to go to the bathroom, you can start without me.” You informed the boy next to you after a few more rounds of battle. “I have to wash my hands.” You sighed as you pushed yourself up from the floor and made your way towards the bathroom without waiting for a reply.

Just as you were about to enter the bathroom, a strong arm encircled your waist as the other found it’s way to your mouth, stopping the surprised squeak that left your mouth abruptly.

“Don’t make a sound and go in” Toji’s hot breath tickled your neck, clouding your thoughts. Obediently, your legs walked you into the bathroom, Toji following behind as he locked the door.

“Mr F-fushiguro...” You stammered, the close proximity of you and Toji making you delirious.

“I told you, Toji is fine.” Toji smirked as his rough fingers brought your chin up. “There’s something bothering me, y/n.” He hummed, his cold yet lustful eyes roaming across your face and trembling body.

“Wha-what is it, T-toji?” You unconsciously licked your dry lips. Toji’s eyes landed on your throat as you swallowed.

“It’s the fact that you’re too close to my son.” He hummed, the loss of skin contact making you a little lonely.

“Are you trying to seduce my son?” Toji mocked as he sat on the covered toilet seat, his face mocking you.

“N-no.” You answered truthfully, not daring to look at Toji in the eye. “...”

“Really? Because it seems to me that you’re throwing yourself at my son. If you’re interested in my son, I’ll have to make sure you’re good enough for him.” The cockiness was evident in Toji’s taunting.

“NO!” You countered abruptly, causing Toji to cock an eyebrow at you. “I-i’m not interested in your son. sir.”

“And why is that? Megumi has potential, you know.”

You looked down at your toes and could visibly see the gears in your mind turning and trying to churn out a reasonable excuse. There was no way in hell you could tell Toji it’s because of him.”

Unfortunately for you, Toji read your mind in that instant.

“Is it because you want me instead?” His taunting deep voice made your heart rate speed up. “Are you using my son to get to me? That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?” You kept silent, but your cheeks were now red in embarrassment, all because Toji was right. he was right about you wanting him, and how you hoped he would be there to notice that you were getting too close to Megumi, in hopes of him correcting that.

“Answer me, brat.” Toji growled, impatience written all over his face.

“Y-yes.” You blushed fiercely, not daring to look Toji in the eye as he grabbed you by the jaw roughly.

“Then I think we could do something about it, hm?”

As if anticipating your answer, you were roughly pulled towards the big man, his thick fingers working deftly to remove the only barrier between you and him.

“Show me how much you want me.” Toji ordered, his pants come undone in an instant.

“Spread those legs and show me how much you want me.” Toji drawled on, a smirk playing on his lips as he pulled you towards him.

Like the obedient little pet you were, you complied to his demands, eager to please the man in front of you.

“Fuck.” Toji cursed as he was fully sheathed in you, your arousal making it easier for you to take him.

He was big- big enough that you let out a mixed moan of pain and excitement.

“If you’re good, i’ll fuck you.” Toji hummed as a hand snaked up to your scalp, tugging at the roots of your hair. “Go on, be good and ride me like you mean it.” He nudged.

Hesitatingly, you rolled your hips back and forth, one hand on his chest and the other at the back of his neck. The pained look on your face did nothing but made Toji harder as you sped up, your teeth biting down on your lower lip to stop the moans that were threatening to spill out.

“I can’t hear you.” Toji taunted. With a sharp thrust, Toji bucked his hips towards you, earning a strangled moan from you.

“M-Megumi...” You whined, hopping that Toji would get your point as you continued to ride him, your movements never slowing down as you attempted to chase your high. “Megumi w-will hear... ah!” a sweet moan fell from your lips as Toji sucked on your neck and collarbone, leaving blooming marks all over you.

“You just have to ride me like the slut you are.” Toji grunted as you continued pushing yourself down onto him. You fitted him so well- so tight and pure, just for him to taint and destroy.

“I’m gonna...” Your words were cut off by a rough kiss, Toji’s warm tongue slipping into your mouth and intertwining with yours.

Expertly, Toji flipped you over as he pushed you against the sink, his thrusts never faltering.

“See how good you’re taking me? You’re such a slut, y/n.” Toji panted as he forced you to look at yourself in the mirror.

You were a masterpiece to behold. Something so pure and innocent completely destroyed by Toji. Bruises and hickies were blooming like flowers all over your skin, sweat was rolling down your forehead, and a look of euphoric bliss all over your face as Toji pounded roughly into you, his eyes trained on you the whole time.

“You feel so fucking good.” Toji panted, burying his face in your hair. “And you looks so beautiful with me in you.”

“Do you see it, my little slut? How well you’re taking me?” The hand around your throat reached to press down on your lower abdomen, a bulge clearly visible due to Toji’s sheer size.

“T-Toji!” You panted, nearing your climax.

Without a single word, Toji continued his assault on your body, his big hands now roaming everywhere.

“Imagine how Megumi would feel when he finds out his best friend has been fucking his old man and actually enjoys it.” Toji panted, his chest heaving as he pounded into you with so much force that you had to plant your hands into the basin so that you wouldn’t fall.

“Shall we give him a little something?” Toji continued as you continued to clench around him, your mewls and moans filling the bathroom. With one last thrust, Toji’s hand pulled you towards him, causing you to arch your back.

“Cum for me.” He finally ordered.

Desperate to keep Megumi from finding out what had happened, you covered your mouth with both hands in an attempt to muffle your moans as you unclench your walls around Toji, a warm sensation filling you up as Toji finally relaxed.

As your legs gave way beneath you, strong arms caught you before you hit the floor, and you were pressed into Toji’s warm and heaving chest before you knew it.

“Now, you better get back before Megumi becomes suspicious.” Toji finally spoke up as he pulled away from you.

“We’ll do this again, don’t look so sad.” Toji taunted as he pulled his pants up, leaving you worn out on the toilet seat.

“After all, you deserve to be tainted.”

[madlilsongbird]

Watching The Amazing Spidernan movies so that I’m all caught up before No Way Home. Will add my thoughts as I have them. Note I am not some big Spider-Man fan nor have I read the comics so if my thoughts sound kinda stupid they probably are.

First movie:

That’s a good trick with the broom. Making a mental note as we speak.

Actually seeing Peter say goodbye to his parents is horrible and I would like to never experience it again

SALLY FIELD IS AUNT MAY?! Why does this one have the good cast? (not good as in better but good as in more well known)

The sexual tension in “good morning flash…good morning Peter” (this is a joke I’m not shipping him with his bully)

Jesus roid rage much?

Shut your blinds! I don’t know who would be looking in your window at this exact moment but close them anyway!

First careful, you never know who is watching what you search (when did I become this person)

Second…curt connors is ableist.

Poor Rodrigo Guevara

Oh internalised ableism. And that is the only comment I will make going forward because my disabilities do not include limb difference and I dont want to overstep.

Stop following the man, you are not subtle…wait wtf how’d he do that?!

This is where he gets his powers right?

Okay but when would 5 men make that much of a fuss over a woman that only 1 of them seems to know?

Same. (This is in reference to smashing the alarm clock)

Oh my god is it really necessary to show all the different kinds of spider bites.

Actually just going back to the internalised ableism thing…he is allowed to feel whatever type of way about his own disability that is his right. But insinuating that all disabled people are weak and wanting to breed out the weakness is eugenics and just kinda gross. THIS is the final comment I will make on the matter.

No but seriously he is way more aggressive than regular teen boy aggressive so either he’s on something or he’s overcompensating for something

The way he looks at him doe (again all jokes am not shipping flash and Peter)

Why is this so awkward? And not like teens navigating a crush awkward just genuinely awkward. I feel no chemistry between them.

I like the song, it’s an interesting choice for this scene but I like it.

Stop does uncle Ben die now? Like I know uncle Ben dies at some point but I was really kinda hoping he just wouldn’t in this iteration. I was going for a ninth doctor moment “just this once everybody lives”

MOTHERFUCKER

God Sally is incredible

Don’t show me moments of Flash being human I might accidentally start shipping them for real and that simply can’t happen.

Oooh he’s a fashion designer

I just really enjoy how he takes the piss out of his victims? Arrests?

Is Gwen aware that the school nurse can’t cure everything? Both legally and just like generally doesn’t have the knowledge to cure everything. She suggests going to the nurse a lot.

This family gives me bad vibes

This is a long movie…it’s not even half way through

Well that’s one way to tell her

NOT GEORGE FOYET!

I think with what I remember of SpiderTobey and what I know of SpiderTom, Andrews Spider-Man is definitely better with the people he’s rescuing. Smoother, good bedside manner.

His sons name is Jack. Why does that make me angry?

So he’s just not gonna rescue the other people hanging off the bridge?

It’s almost poetic that the son of the man tried to stop him the first time will be the one to stop him now

Now how is he getting enough power in the sewer

No means no Peter

Does she die in this one or the next one? I don’t imagine her dying will help captain stacey see him as a good guy

Stan 🥺

This movie is exhausting and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way or a bad way.

MoThEr HuBbArD aRe YoU sErIoUs

He managed to get three whole words out and you didn’t think to ease up on the trigger a little to hear what those words might be?

She’s very clever and I will be sad to see her go

That wasn’t her scream. Or it was but from a different take.

Foyet about to be coming in clutch

I’m going to cry.

He’s so ugly. Some lizards are really cute but lizard + human, kinda gross looking.

Well shit. I didn’t know that happened. I guess what I said about him being upset with Peter about Gwen is irrelevant. Unless it isn’t, like if you believe in the afterlife, imagine how pissed he’s gonna be when Gwen arrives.

He finally got the eggs 🥺

As someone who’s boyfriend at the time didn’t go to her fathers funeral I feel ya Gwen. I mean I don’t care now but at the time it sucked.

Dr Connors was just in a silly goofy mood. He seems to show genuine care for the boy (this is mostly sarcasm).

Second movie

Oh we’re going back to peters dad.

How do they have access to a private jet?

Miss Honey is badass

Ngl I’m actually quite relieved they both died before the plane crashed. Stil devastating though.

Okay so this is first up on the list of potential mystery villains in No Way Home…he looks like a tool.

HeLLo PeDeStRiAnS

He really just let Spider-Man put his hand on his tongue. Sir do you know where his hand has been? Not to mention just in general the feeling of spandex on your tongue. I feel ill.

No respect for the proper care of plutonium.

Please don’t ever say “come to daddy” again 😂

I’m kinda sad Jamie Fox becomes a villain, his character seems kinda sweet so far from the 2 seconds I’ve seen of him

You mean to tell me he missed his girlfriend’s fathers funeral AND her valedictorian speech?!

Stan x2 🥺

Because you can’t lose me you’re going to lose me? 😂

I love her jacket

Why are they still pretending like she doesn’t know?

I may have spoken to soon about Max

See I would be speeding up daddy’s death if he told me he’d passed down a genetic disease and just decided not to tell me.

Friendship.

Okay max is still a little bit nutty but you gotta feel bad for the guy. He must’ve been so scared.

Don’t smile that’s not cute, if he was a regular boy you’d file a restraining order.

Oh I see Spider-Man is gonna fight him which will make him turn and become the “bad guy” whether he will actually be a bad guy is still unknown.

This scene is actually kinda just making me angry (the time square scene)

Cops suck man. Peter was talking him down just fine.

Did nobody teach these people not to touch metal when there’s electricity about.

Interesting that I didn’t pick up any chemistry from them in the first movie weren’t they an actual couple for a while?

Another good song with an interesting placement

I’m sorry did the caller ID not say Mary Parker? How was it Harry on the phone?

Run Gwen!

This version of Harry is kinda creepy I’m sure the actor is swell but the character is terrifying. Original version Harry was swell whereas the actor is…

“Maybe everyone has a part of themselves they hide” gives him the eye

This movies shorter or at least it feels shorter

An excellent show of what happens when you tell a rich daddy’s boy no for the first time.

This makes me very sad. She’s so excited for the possibility of Oxford.

As much as Harry disturbs me, I want him to burn his entire team.

His daddy really did love him!

I think it’s mostly his eyes, his behaviour can be explained by trauma (why I find Harry creepy)

Okay most of his behaviour. The taking joy in killing people that’s just him being nutty and not a trauma response.

This is fucked up. And where is Peter? he is off chasing a girl who has broken up with him twice now.

PLANES NEED THE POWER!

I really like SpiderAndrew, the movies are fine but as a character I thoroughly enjoy him

Sorcerers apprentice who?

Captain Stacy can’t blame him! She’s clearly stubborn as hell and her own free woman

I quite literally stopped breathing (in reference to the almost plane crash)

Is this why they made it Gwen and not MJ so that he could kill her and be an actual bad guy? From my little knowledge of the comics and what I’ve seen from the movies Harry would never hurt MJ so it had to be someone else important to Peter but not super important to him for him to a real bad guy

I like that Harry actually looks like a goblin.

What was the disease he’s supposed to have?

This poor family. I know I said they gave me bad vibes in the first movie but nobody deserves this.

He looks less like a tool with his suit on…but only slightly less

Baby you better get back behind that baracade!

Nobody talk to me I’m very emotional. This child looks very much like a magical mix of all 3 of my brothers put together and seeing him stand there so brave but so scared is doing something to me.

Final thoughts:

So I think SpiderAndrew might be a close second favourite for me. I like the relationships of the original the most, the comedy of the mcu version the most but this one was like a nice in between. Im a little disappointed there won’t be a third not cos I think I would have enjoyed it just cos the original had 3 movies, the mcu version will have at least 3 movies and this one is left out with 2. Don’t think I would have loved Shailene Woodley as MJ though so I dunno. I think the only thing I would have wanted from a third movie is to know who fedora guy is…and for Peter and May to acknowledge that they both know that he is Spider-Man. Apart from that it was fine and I now feel fully prepared for No Way Home.

[heavymetalover]

Strangers In the Night (Xavier Plympton x fem reader)

Summary: You’re hitchhiking when getting picked up by an unexpected stranger.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, oral sex, vaginal sex, daddy kink, fluff (omg).

Word count: 6.2k

A/N: im SORRY about the daddy kink AGAIN… i have daddy issues.

this ended up being wholesome, i feel letdown tbh.

~mostly inspired by the beautiful ones by prince~

~~~~

  You chew away on your gum, taking small steps through the gravel going towards your destination. Surrounded by nothing but a narrow road and some woods. As night begins to fall, you become a little more suspicious of each sound rocking in the trees. After all, there’s been a crazy murderer on the loose around LA. Gives you shivers just thinking he could be lurking, watching.

The sound of a car approaches and you follow the routine of turning towards the road and sticking a polished thumb up in hopes you’ll attract a Good Samaritan. The dusty red Nissan slows down to give you an unbearably loud honk and speeds away, you spit into the dust it leaves behind. “Fucker!” you yell out, although certain the road hog wouldn’t hear.

Another driver approaches, quite a large van. You shyly stick out your thumb again and feel a smile inching onto your face; sometimes friendliness can tempt the strangers. You can’t see them from where you stand, but their van pulls to the side of the road for you.

Not wasting a beat, you spit your gum out onto the road and skip over to the van. The window’s rolled down and a dapper man sits in the driver’s seat. Frosted hair hairsprayed to perfection, green tank top exposing his trim arms, and sunglasses tipped slightly over the bridge of his nose, exposing ravishing blue eyes. “Hey honey,” he greets with a smirk, “need a lift?”

You jump onto the step for the passenger’s door and lean into the window, head resting on your arms. “You headed north?” you ask, biting your bottom lip to entice the stranger.

“Sure am,” he replies looking out onto the road. “Just stopping at Oasis, is that far enough for you?”

You shrug your head into a shoulder, peering out onto the road with half a smile. You lean back on the step, gripping onto the window with your fingerless gloves. “Hey, beggars can’t be choosers, right?” you joke, leaning back into the window and turning to look at the handsome man again. He’s taken his sunglasses off completely, biting the tips seductively with his dazzling eyes plastered on you. Your heart sinks in your chest, not even bothering to hold back your nervous smile. You run your tongue between your teeth and his eyes find the floor of his van.

He shakes his head and puts his sunglasses back on. “You better get inside before you get me in trouble, baby,” he says with a slight sigh.

You jump off of the step to swing open the door and eagerly hop into the passenger’s seat, throwing your backpack into the back of his van and slamming the door shut. Digging through your pocket for a pack of cigarettes that you stole from your roommate before fleeing; you hit the box, taking the single stick that jut out, and sticking it between your teeth. “Mind if I…?” you trail off, dangling the cigarette between your lips.

His eyes dart towards you and back onto the road, “Oh no, of course not. Go right ahead,” he blurts, adjusting himself in his seat. “Actually,” he reaches beside him and grabs a small lighter, “I got that for you.”

He hangs over his seat, keeping one hand on the wheel. He sparks the lighter once, twice before it ignites. He holds the flame to your cigarette, his eyes meeting yours only for a moment. You sharply inhale the oaky, bitter taste of tobacco before hastily blowing it into his face. He leans back into his seat, suppressing an obvious smile as he goes back to focusing on the road. “You’re going to get someone killed one day if you wanna act like a gentleman, lighting up my cigarette and being all chivalrous.”

“Pfft,” he jeers. “Can’t kill anybody when there’s no one around.”

He glances at you, cross earring hanging from one of his ears and you feel a drop in the pit of your stomach. “You look so familiar,” you mention before taking another drag.

“I get Simon Le Bon a lot,” he nods.

“No,” you shake your head.

“George Michael?” he guesses with an apathetic shrug.

“No, no, not like that,” you take another drag. “I’ve seen you -your face- before somewhere,” you tap your chin, “somewhere.”

“Oh!” he sounds enthusiastic. “I teach aerobics! Maybe you came by the studio?”

“No, I haven’t,” you reply mindlessly, drawing more thick smoke into your lungs and tapping the tip of the stick to remove excess ash. You’re searching every crevasse of your brain for where you’ve seen this man before, but coming up empty.

He looks nervous with the more time you spend silently pondering. “I’m a pretty serious actor, maybe you’ve seen some of my stuff,” he suggests, trying to break the silence.

Your heart skips a beat and you accidentally fling your cigarette out the window from excitement. “Oh my gosh! Yes! That’s where I’ve seen you! I have seen some of your stuff, ooh baby, I’ve seen all of your stuff,” you exclaim, pointing down to his crotch. “One of my old roommates was gay, had a total hard-on for your VHS.”

The man shakes his head, nervous laughter evading his lips. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, don’t you dare bullshit me,” your voice cracks into a squeal as you push his arm. He’s still shaking his head as confutation. “No, no, no, don’t even deny it. I saw a skinny guy taking a hard piping from you! I know it was you, how could I mistake that beautiful face? And you even have the earring, c’mon.”

“Look, I don’t know who you think I am, okay?” he snaps in distress. He doesn’t entertain your claims, instead shaking his head weakly. “I’m not…” his voice quivers. “I’m not gay.”

You feel an instant pang of regret for making such a big deal about the tape. “Oh,” you sigh, “well, I never thought you, you were.” You slump back into your seat, positioning yourself to face the road again. The man has gone silent. “I mean, for what it’s worth,” you start, but your mind screams at you to stop. Just let it go, he’s clearly uncomfortable.

You purse your lips together and sigh, suffocating your hands between squished thighs. You fill your cheeks up with air in hopes it’ll get you to stop yapping. The only sound present is the tires going over the gravelly road. “For what it’s worth?” he finally asks.

You hold back a smile, turning back to him. “I was just going to say you looked like you were really good,” you blurt out. “And big,” you bring your voice higher in an attempt to sound more flirtatious, “very, very big.” He exhales a lazy snicker and shakes his head. “What?” you throw up your hands defensively, “It’s true!”

He continues shaking his head. “You’re too much,” he exhales.

“Well apparently you are too,” you quip, raising an eyebrow.

His mouth is agape, no words coming out and too stunted by yours to even attempt a rebuttal. He glances at you, eyes peeping over his glasses to get a better look. “Who are you?” he asks.

You perk up in your seat, offering your hand to him since he’s already proven himself to be a careless driver. “I’m y/n,” you say with a jaunty smile. “And you are?”

He takes your hand limply into his. “Xavier,” he says, leaning down to give a small peck onto your gloved knuckles.

“Classy,” you whisper while retrieving your hand, Xavier returns his focus to the road. Part of you is kicking yourself for even wearing the gloves and missing out on the feel of his soft lips against your skin. Dammit, why did Madonna have to make them so fashionable?

You itch to cross your legs in your seat, but knowing that would expose Xavier to what’s underneath your dress, instead you opt to just sit on them. Would it be so bad to expose myself to him? “Xavier,” you say his name to fill up the conversational lull. “Xavier, Xavier, Xavier,” you singsong. “Why did you stop to pick me up? Pick up a lot of hitchhikers?” you keep your eyes glued on him and lean your head back on the seat to get comfortable. His van does have a very homey feel.

“No, you’re my first,” he responds.

You dramatize a fake gasp, placing a hand on your chest. “Little old me? Why am I so lucky?” you press.

“Well, the sun’s setting, you’re in the middle of the woods and you’re a girl. Not to mention the lunatic Night Stalker going around the area, guess I was feeling a bit generous,” he smiles. You begin nodding your head, satisfied with his answer, when he cuts you short. “Or,” he adds, “maybe I just thought you were one, very foxy chick.” You feel your heart flutter and cheeks burn hot; you want to fan yourself like they do in movies. “Either way, I still picked you up, didn’t I?” He asks, cocking a brow.

“Oh yes sir, indeed,” you smirk with a slight shake to your head.

The woods have disappeared behind you two and in no time, you’ve reached Xavier’s destination on Oasis street. He parks his car on the side of the road and takes the keys out of the ignition, finally turning in his seat to face you like you’ve done during the whole ride. The sexual tension is beginning to become an insufferable elephant in the room. “Where you heading from here?” he asks.

You shrug your shoulders. “Don’t know, maybe crash at one of those twenty-four-hour diners until they kick me out,” you say with a slight chuckle, recalling how many times that’s happened to you before. “Just gotta get out of this place, y’know.”

He tilts his head up. “Running from something?” he speculates.

“Aren’t we all?” you roll your eyes with a slight nod.

He grins, “You can say that again.”

You take one long look at him before letting out a bitter sigh. “Goddamn it, I guess I should bounce,” you say with a frown. You reach into the back of his van to get your backpack, making sure to spend extra long bending over in your short dress. You lean onto his seat, feeling your ass press up against his arm and can only pray he’s getting a good look at it.

You eventually recover your bag from the back and sit down, body twisted towards Xavier. You prolong the inevitable, not wanting to leave his van, not wanting to leave him. There’s something about this stranger that excites you, that makes you thirst for more of him. You can’t explain it, there’s just an overwhelming attraction.

You open the door to leave his van, sliding out when he grabs your wrist. “Wait,” he protests. You stand on the step to the passenger’s seat. “Ehm,” the words get choked at the back of his throat. “I’m not in a rush, you can stay with me for a while and chat,” he suggests. “Only if you want to, obviously. You can leave too if you want, but… I think you’re a pretty cool chick.”

You purse your lips to hide a smile. “Thought I was a foxy chick,” you joke, adjusting the backpack that keeps slipping down your shoulders.

“Oh yeah,” he lifts his brows, “mighty foxy.” He nods his head, half-lidded eyes ogling you with a wide smile spread across his gorgeous face, you can’t resist him. You climb back into his van and shut the door.

You settle into the chair and he pulls out a box of cassettes from under the driver’s seat, fishing through them to find a keeper. You dig through your backpack and pull out a cherry lollipop, his eyes squinting in confusion as you unravel the plastic. “Don’t give me that look, I feel myself about to crash,” you explain yourself.

“No judgement here,” he replies, fingering through his cassettes.

You nurse your lollipop, peering into his box to find any recognizable artists, but they’re mostly mixtapes. You pluck out a black tape marked ‘Purple Rain’, the newest Prince album. “Didn’t this movie just come out?” you slur your words, lollipop sitting passively against your cheek.

He glances up. “Yes, but the album came out a while ago,” he explains, still pawing through his collection.

“Well, I haven’t heard it yet,” you shrug and shove it into the cassette player. The machine takes a moment to read the tape.

“Songs are a bit wonky and out of order, I recorded it from my friend’s album,” he confesses.

The album starts playing with a funky pop beat. “See, it’s working. Now, put that away,” you order, grabbing the box from him. “Let’s talk.”

You throw his box into the back of his van and spin towards him again. He looks up for a moment, seemingly in thought, then back at you. His enchanting light eyes capturing you from the lightening fast contact. “W-what are you running away from?” he asks with a moment of hesitation.

You take the lollipop out of your mouth. “Wow, already with the hard-hitting questions,” you tease. He stares at you, but you can’t bring yourself to meet the bright blue that sweeps you off your feet. Instead, looking at your hands and cleaning under your nails. “I guess just a bad living situation. Been house-hopping for as long as I can remember, but I basically just live out on the road now,” you meet his eyes for a second, only to embarrassedly look away.

“I get it,” he nods.

You finally look at him, sort of in disbelief. Usually the people who drive you places always lecture you about making better life decisions, finding a job, pursuing school, yatta, yatta, yatta. ‘The whole world is at your fingertips’ spiel. It takes you by surprise that he understands. “You do?”

“Yeah,” he breaks eye contact, his thumb ghosting his full bottom lip. “I was in a tough spot not long ago. We’ve grown up in the prime time of being doped up drug peddlers and I was dumb enough to fall into that bullshit. And I’m talking about the hard stuff, not like M.J. or cocaine.” I don’t do many drugs, maybe a bit of weed here and there, but I thought cocaine was a hard drug. “But,” he breaks your inner monologue, “the strongest people always go through the toughest shit.”

“Cheers to that,” you smile and cheers the air with your lollipop, penetrating the sticky candy between Xavier’s lips.  He accepts the intrusion gracefully, keeping the sweet, ravished ball of cherry between his lips. “Any summer plans?” you ask.

He takes the candy out of his mouth, the crimson orb glossing over his perfectly plump lips. “Nothing much, just teaching more classes. Got this gnarly gig up at some camp in a few weeks, should be fun,” he answers.

“I don’t know of any camps around here. Which one?” you ask, half paying attention and half peering onto the road.

“Camp Redwood.” Your head snaps back to look at him and you instinctively slap his arm in hopes it’ll get rid of the idiot in him. “What?” he shrugs.

“What’s your damage, dude?” you gasp with a facetious smirk. “Are you honestly telling me that they reopened Camp fucking Deadwood and you’re stupid enough to go work there? Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Why? What happened there?” he asks, eyebrows knit in confusion.

You sigh, you’ve been on the road for so long and even you’re more up to date on the folklore of Camp Redwood. “There was a huge massacre there. Every single person ended up dead, stabbed to bits, and all of them had one ear missing. It was a psycho killer they called Mr. Jingles because his only giveaway was the sound his keys made,” you pause to imitate the sound of keys jingling, “ching cling cling, right before he slashed them to bits!”

He smiles and squints at you, taking a moment to absorb your story. “Not even! You kind of had me until you oversold it with the keys thing,” he exclaims, waving the lollipop around as he speaks.

“Xavier, I shit you not, that actually happened,” you explain, leaning closer to him. “And the worst part is that Mr. Jingles is still alive today. Probably waiting for the day that that fucking camp reopens to escape the loony bin and do it all over again,” you make your voice low to freak him out.

He scoffs. “So what? I’m not afraid of some drip named Mr. Jingles. If anything, he should be the one scared of me.”

You laugh a little too hysterically at his comment. “Mhm, yeah right,” you mock. “He’d take one look at your George Michael lookin’ ass and run in the opposite direction,” you deliver sardonically. You fetch your lollipop and slump back into your seat, turning the dial up on the radio. A song with a raunchy beat starts up and both you and Xavier exchange a glance. “What song is this?” you ask, puckering your lips against the lollipop.

He clears his throat, “S’called Darling Nikki.”

“Mmm,” you lean back in your seat, but keep your eyes locked on him. “It’s pretty sexy.”

He nods. “It is.”

His eyes meet yours, pink tongue running over his bottom lip. You shove the candy into your mouth, sucking on the sweet taste of artificial cherry. The song puts you in the mood. Not that you weren’t already in the mood, but it offers the perfect opportunity to stop beating around the bush.

You close your eyes and tilt your head back, bobbing on the lollipop in your mouth until the savory ball hits the back of your throat. Gagging, you pull it out of your mouth slowly, opening your eyes and giving Xavier a knowing look.

He slowly exhales watching you, now leaning against his seat and lightly covering the bottom of his face with one large, veined hand. “Holy shit,” you hear him breathe.

The lollipop clings to your lips before bursting out, keeping a connection through a filthy pink string of saliva. It detaches and smacks against your chin. You keep your eyes peeled on Xavier and he studies your mouth. You slap the candy against your sodden tongue and slurp up the mess you made, keeping the lollipop pressed against your lips. “You’re a nasty girl, aren’t you?” he whispers, white teeth tugging slightly at his lip. Fuck.

“You want to see something nasty?” you ask, leaning the passenger’s seat back in preparation. “I’ll show you something nasty.”

You suck on the lollipop one more time, slobbering on it just before it’s completely drenched in your saliva. Leaning back on the seat, you hike up your short dress and expose your favourite skimpy panties. After building up so much tension between the two of you, your pussy is already wet and craving the touch of his big hands.

You rub your clit in circles before pulling the fabric to the side. Xavier’s eyes watch every movement as you trail the drenched lollipop down your body, stopping at your pussy. You run the cherry-flavoured orb down your folds and press it against your tight hole. You apply pressure until it penetrates and let out a soft moan. Recalling how long and fat Xavier’s cock was in his dirty movie, you can’t imagine how it would ever fit inside of you.

You shove the lollipop further into yourself, trying to stretch yourself out a little bit in readiness for Xavier. Wiggling the stick around inside yourself and pushing it to the point of nearly disappearing inside your hole. You shimmy it some more before dragging it out against the resistance of your retentive walls. Reinserting the candy into your mouth and getting a saltier flavour this time.

Xavier shifts around in his seat, erection booming in his tight pants. A palm over his crotch for readjustment, he leans closer to you. You can feel the warmth of his body, it makes you tingle. “I find it rude not to share,” he finally speaks.

You take the lollipop out of your mouth and veer yourself towards Xavier, setting a small kiss on his lips. He puts a hand on your cheek, guiding more of your kisses towards him, while the other hand crawls down your body. His hand stops on your thigh and you feel a thousand goosebumps erupt on that leg, a shiver running through your veins.

His lips don’t part from yours, fusing with your face and sucking ever so gently on your lips. He combs his hand towards your pussy, fingertips grazing your thighs as he inches to the throbbing in your clit. You bring the candy back down to your folds, but he takes it from you, insistent on that whole ‘sharing’ rule.

Xavier leaves your lips for a moment to spit down onto your wet cunt, rubbing the candy against your slit before pushing into your hole. Once again, it demands a meager moan out of you, this time you moan onto Xavier’s lips. “That’s right, moan for me, baby. Moan for daddy.” You summon more moans as he fucks the lollipop into you, playing them up to turn him on even more.

You gnaw on your lip and look at Xavier, light sobs still faintly spilling from the back of your throat. You must seem irresistible to him because he mashes his lips into yours and leaves your pussy to place both hands on your face, pulling you closer to him. You pull out the candy he left inside of you and detach from his kiss to pop it into his mouth.

Xavier grabs both of your wrists and slips into the back of his van, bringing you along with him. He sucks all your juices off of the lollipop before spitting it out onto the floor. As he takes a seat in the back, you sit next to him, resting both of your legs on his thighs as you two join at the lips once again. His hands brush up and down your legs, feeling the rapid growth of goosebumps with each swipe.

The kiss intensifies, tongues colliding and lips smacking. You pull at his tank top as if silently begging him to take it off. A new song begins and he moans against your lips, pulling away eagerly and leaving you lovestruck, leaning in an awkward position and trying to reorient yourself. He slides away from you and pulls his top off over his head, then begins undressing you as well, pulling for your dress to come off. You lay onto your back and shimmy your dress off, still wearing a bra and panties set. In a matter of seconds, you’re skin to skin and Xavier is on top of you, teasing you with soft kisses. His lips pulling away to mouth the lyrics: “Baby, baby, baby. What’s it gonna be? Baby, baby, baby. Is it him or is it me?”

You bring him back, kissing the sweet cherry off of his lips. His hands rough up your body, grabbing a hold of every bit of you like he hasn’t touched anybody in years. One hand squeezing your hip while the other finds your cunt to rub back and forth on your swollen clit. When you push back from his kiss, pardoning a loud groan, he kisses your neck. He savours you, handles you like a prize possession, it makes you feel warm.

You palm the bulge in his briefs, feeling him grow and heat up under your touch. His breath catches and he jerks his waist away from you. You pause your kiss to shoot him a flustered grimace. “I want this to be about you, baby, not me,” he explains, before giving one more kiss on your lips. Then one on your neck, chest, belly, down to your pelvis. You let out a broken breath when he kisses right above the line of your panties. He slides them down your legs and taunts your aching clit with his delicate breath; appointing extra sloppy kisses on your thighs as he works his way to the main dish. He looks up at you, baby blue eyes unabashedly beaming with excitement before diving into your candied cunt.

You throw your head back as he begins licking you up and pushing your legs further apart. The pleasure so built and intense that you feel it hit the moment he lays his tongue flat onto your dripping core. You feel your muscles quivering under his lick, under his touch, and your body burns with desire. One hand lays limp on your leg while the other continues pulsing your clit, his tongue shoves its way down your gaping hole.

You reach down to grab onto him, grab onto something, anything. He holds up his hand and you lace your fingers with his, squeezing at each undeniable moment of pleasure. You scrunch up your feet as he quickens the pacing over your clit, then slowing it down. He plays your pussy like a gifted musician, speeding up and slowing down just when you need him to. “Please fuck me,” you beg, the words pouring out on their own, “Xavier, I want you inside of me.”

He stops gluttonously licking up your cunt to look up at you for confirmation on your words. “Y’sure?” he questions, making sure there are no misconceptions.

You prop yourself on your elbows, raking a hand through his perfectly gelled, thick head of hair. “Unless you’d like to stay down there, daddy,” you say, squeezing him between your thighs slightly on the pet name.

“Baby, I can stay down here forever,” he lays his head on your leg and you sit up, pulling him to meet your lips. His kiss makes the world feel dreamlike, so tantalizing and hypnogogic that you swear you’re tripping on acid when he touches you.

He gives an unexpected slap to your raw cunt and you jump, unable to hold back a short peep hiccupped into Xavier’s mouth. He smiles. “I love making my kitten purr,” he whispers into your lips, slapping you once again and you chirp another calculable yelp.

Xavier climbs on top of you with his lips pressed passionately against yours, fighting for dominance. His long fingers grip the back of your neck while his thumbs massage the curve of your jaw reverently. His big hands soon venturing to other parts of your body, running down your back and promptly unhooking your bra like a burden that could no longer be adjourned. The fabric falls artlessly and Xavier paws at your breasts before he can even see them. Still locked on your lips, he circles a finger around your nipple, motivating them to get hard sooner than you’d expected. Nipping at the tiny buds, he leaves your lips to suckle them; running his tongue against your areola and giving strong sucks. You appreciate the moment so much, watching Xavier suck on your tits like his life depended on it, that you completely forgot you were in his van.

You reach down to his crotch and he lets you this time. Rubbing his long cock in his briefs, feeling how rock-hard he is turns you on even more. A shudder rumbles through your body and you take his dick out. It’s already ready for you, long and thick, harder than ever. He stops worshipping your tits to kiss you again, this time lightly pushing you down so you lay in the backseat of his van.

He stands over you, holding his cock and spitting onto it to lube it up for you. He rubs his saliva onto the head and up and down the shaft before resting it on your hole. You prop yourself up to watch it go in, feeling your heartbeat quicken with each tiny amount of pressure he puts. “Are you ready for it?” he asks, smearing the head into your wet folds.

“Mmm,” you moan, just feeling his cock against you is enough to send you to euphoria. “Yes, daddy.” He slowly starts pushing himself into you, stretching you out so much that all you can do is stifle a moan. Your nails dig into his seats, no doubt leaving some kind of mark or even some polish flakes. “Slow, slow, slow,” you plead through gritted teeth.

He accommodates and moves into you at a snail’s pace, stopping every so often when he thinks he’s hurt you. Once he’s half in, he starts pumping in and out, stuffing you up with his chunky length. “Oh my,” is all you can contrive through deep breaths.

He sees how unravelled you’ve become and leans down so you could rest your head on his shoulder. “Hold onto me,” he requests. You follow orders, grabbing onto his back and guiltily digging your nails into him with every thrust. “Let me know if I’m hurting you,” he whispers into your ear.

The rational part of your brain has already called quits on taking his dick, but you’re too charmed by Xavier to tell him to stop. Of course there’s the pain, but his cock is so deep and so big that it vellicates a sensitive area inside your pussy that you’ve never felt before. Each plunge poking at it slightly and stimulating it just enough to keep you from surrendering to his length. You’ve explored your body enough to find your g-spot, but he tickles an area that’s causing you to completely shatter. He pumps again and you feel yourself loosening up to him, although that doesn’t stop your nails from clawing up his back.

All the pain you’ve felt is absorbed into overwhelming thrill. You sit up even more now and watch his cock pump into you, your pussy accepting more of him with each thrust. He keeps hitting that spot in you and your whole body tenses up with it. You look at him, trying to find his eyes, but he’s too lost in your pussy to meet yours. What kind of witchcraft is he doing to make me feel this way?

His hands, resting on your lower back, scooch you closer to him. He doesn’t even have to move much for the both of you to feel elated, just a slight wiggle is enough for you to feel everything. You sit up on his thighs and grind your hips against him. “Your pussy,” he whispers between breaths, “so fucking good, kitten.”

Your cunt writhes with each little movement, you can feel yourself dripping onto him. “Ugh’m God!” you throw away your integrity and scream. “Jesus Xavier, oh my…” you trail off, rolling your eyes back and feeling him hit that sensitive spot again. Your tendons tightening, teeth grinding, and eyes shutting with every movement.  

You lean your chin on his head, still slightly rocking your hips, but unable to bring yourself to complete the motion from crushing alleviation. His forehead is perched on your shoulder as he tries shimmying around inside your pussy. He’s too far gone to form a sentence, too. He holds onto your back, rests his head on your shoulder and breathes rapidly onto your chest. His eyelashes give your collarbones light butterfly kisses while he blinks himself back into reality.

The song is at its climax when you take the initiative to try to finish, unsure if you can even bring yourself to conclude this little affair. You start grinding harder against him, both of you undoubtedly withholding groans to save face. You rock yourself on him harder and he finally allows himself to make eye contact with you again. A pleading look in his pool-of-blue eyes already tell you everything you need to know without saying a single word.

You fuck him as hard as you can burying your head into the crook of his neck. You take in the smell of his cologne, now mixed with sweat. It smells so good. He contributes by gyrating himself inside of you.

“Fuck!” the word weeps out without your consent. You feel yourself unwinding, again you feel it coming with each thrust, the shattering. “Oh, my fuck! Daddy, your cock is so f-fuck!” you’re crying, jumping on his rock-hard dick.

“Shit,” he seethes under you, grabbing your hips and guiding them into his cock. “You fuck me so good, baby girl,” he groans.

You jump on him, his dick so deep you think it’ll push on your belly. “Son of a- huh,” you breathe, feeling yourself starting to come. You keep beating up that tender spot deep in your cavity, providing it all the love it was once deprived and smacking it with each stimulating bounce on his cock. “Yesyesyesyes,” you don’t take a breath, “ooh there.” You keep pummelling him into you, Xavier is close too. “Right. Fucking. There,” you breathe between each jump.

You can’t get any words out when orgasm engulfs you. You stand up to prudently pull his length out of your clingy lips, giving your clit a rub before soaking his cock in your juices. “Shiiiiit,” you moan, squirting a clear liquid out of your hole and all over him, all over his van.

“Damn, baby,” he utters. You feel a single tear drop escape your eye and swat it away before he can see. Without a word, you insert him back into your, now soaked, hole; not leaving until you’ve made him come as hard as you did. You slide him back inside of you, his length hitting you all at once again. It seems to hit him hard too, because his face knots the deeper you insert him. “Fucking tight,” he sighs.

He pushes you to lay back again and starts hammering himself into you. You moan with his harder thrusts, feeling him fill you up makes you fall apart; your whole body feels weak. He can’t control himself, contorted moans escape from deep in his throat. “Where do you want daddy’s come?” he asks, trying to hold himself together, but fails miserably.

“Right in my dirty mouth,” you reply, licking up your bottom lip.

He rolls his eyes back, “Oh, fuck you,” he says with a slight laugh. His smile immediately dissipating to a twisted expression. You feel him coming to release, his grip on your arm gets tighter and he pounds harder into your pussy. He pulls himself out of you and jerks his long length above your face. You obediently open your mouth and lay your tongue flat for him to use up.

He takes a second, zealously jerking himself over you, until he empties his seed onto your tongue. You feel the warm liquid hit your tongue and immediately swallow it down for him. Pressing your lips to the tip of his cock, giving a suck to clean him up and a small kiss on the tip.

He breaths out an exasperated sigh and limply lays down on top of you. “Get off,” you giggle, “you’re crushing me.” He rolls onto his side beside you and you roll onto yours so you’re facing him. He holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers with a small frown. You grab his hand and band your fingers together, he smiles when you accept his invitation. A moment of silence is shared between the two of you, not awkward, just comfortable.

“You know you’re the only one,” he says, a slight crack in his voice. You lift an eyebrow in response. He looks down at the hand you’re holding onto, “Everybody that knows about that tape doesn’t believe me. They think I’m gay or… they just cast me out for even doing it in the first place,” he opens up, caressing your knuckle with his constricted thumb. You stay silent, letting him get it off his chest and studying the woe that washes over his face. “I don’t know,” he gives his head a slight shake.

“Fuck those people,” you shrug, “you don’t need them anyways.” His pillowy lips twist into a smirk. You use your free arm to prop up your head. “Besides,” you continue, “they don’t know what they’re missing. You snooze, you lose, right?”

He smiles. “I like you, y/n,” he sighs. “I’m not letting you slip through the cracks.”

You unbind your hands to move a piece of hair that was stuck to his forehead. “Don’t worry about me leaving, I have no where to go. I’m all yours, baby,” you say with a jokey tone, but you hope he takes you seriously. He’s usually easy to read, like an open book, but when his face turns neutral it’s agonizing to imagine what’s going on in that pretty head.

“So… you want to meet my friends?” he asks, breaking the silence.

You cock your head to the side. “Huh?”

“Come to Camp Redwood with me?”

~~~~

smallest fucking taglist:

@codyswhore @odongreentea @liliesandforgetmenots @avesatanormalpeoplescareme

[and-the-world-is-quiet-here]

Live 2020 debate commentary from a salty, disabled, and VERY pissed gen Z

 Yall he just said he’s immune

My dad just left the room

Bitch are u saying Johnson and Johnson is going to make the vaccine?

sir that’s the diaper company…..smh

Biden just said its going to be a dark winter

#winter is coming

“virus.....that came from china” -trump 2020

“were learning to live with it”-trump 2020

apparently “Biden lives in his basement”-your president 2020

totally accurate.....obviously

ohhhh biden just said were learning to die with it

trump interrupted biden

Mam I thought you said you were muting them?

biden laugh count at 3

he all about the once percent till its the dead ones

trump interrupting at 3...nvm its now 4

this debate is making my dog sad

interrupting now at 5 for trump

trump saying his young sons illness just “went away”

bitch he’s may age and no it did not just “go away”

he was in quarantine for two weeks

apparently nyc is a ghost town 

its not a ghost town trump I live right next to it

loudest neighbors ever

trump don’t call him Anthony

his name is DOCTOR Fauci

treat him with the respect he deserves

Biden looks so sad

nvm he legit looks like the joker right now

HALFWAY MARKKK

why is this at 9?

sir its a school night

I need time to scroll through my feed for hours before collapsing

Biden don’t use the word sovereignty

trump doesn't know what it means

thats discrimination against trumps

ohhh hes attacking hunter (biden) again

so he has a wee drug problem?

at this point everyone got one!

your the one making lewd comments about your infant daughter on national tv

(look it up he talks about his 6 month old daughters legs but and breasts)

get him big b!!

h876689908776- my dog 2020

he wants to express his disappointment

the light boxs is stealing his mother attention

ohh hes being rude to the moderator again

u a strong independent Indian woman get him girll!

mute his mike

prty plz

I am dissapionted in you

he’s saying he’s not allowed to release his taxs

(that is a proven lie)

“i was put through a phony witch hunt”- you'll never guess 2020

hes going after his BROTHER now

how is this allowed?

who decided trumps strategy would be to accuse his opponent of his own crimes?

look at the insults guys its a crystal ball

stay ahead of the scandal's

WILL YOU LEAVE HIS SON ALONE PLEASE

THESE ARE HIS CHILDREN LEAVE THEM ALONE

“i was a business man doing business”-trump 2020

no sir you were another rich white guy taking advantage of tax brakes and cheap foreign labor in asia

#american jobs as long as i don’t have to pay minimum wage

#you know like a DECENT FUCKING PERSON

Trump interrupted again

I lost count a while ago

Biden is staring into my soul

oh Biden just played the middle class childhood card

I haven't heard a single mute so far?

trump just said his bromance with kim jung un saved america from nuclear war

dont through my boy Obama under the bus

and another interruption

my big bro just screamed “MUTE BUTTON MUTE BUTTON MUTE BUTTON”

honestly same

10 more min guys

hang in there

OHHH trump just got MUTEDDDDDD

Biden is now on legitimate policy 

ahhh hes proud of his plan

annd trump just interrupted

trump just kissed up to the moderator

trump just said biden’s more liberal than bernie

ohhh

biden just said trump dosent know who hes running against

hes like “this is joe biden”

like I know bro but slick burn anyway

ohhh they muted trump again!!!!

perfect opportunity to mute missed

trump just blamed healthcare issues on nancy peloski

biden says the the republicans wont pass it

(btw hes actualy right)

2 mins left

and trump is speaking through it

1 min left

omg what a waste of air

I really want him to test his “immunity”

preferably during a harsh winter

ITS TEN GUYSSS

there running over

they still haven't covered immigration

shit

I have just learned there is 30 min left

I think I would rather kill myself than watch the rest of this

I’m seriously have a sensory overload right now

I’m doing this for u

“children are brought here by coyotes”-presedentail cown 2020

what a wack ass sentence

hes like ohIi haven't been putting kids in cages

and then just went but I didn't build them they were built in 2014

(contradiction much)

“who built the cages”

“who built the cages”

“who built the cages”

yes it was Obama but guess what

THEY WERNT BUILT FOR KIDS

there ment to house animals, evidence, and adult prisoners in emergency situations

THEY WERNT MENT FOR 3 YEAR OLDS

Biden was just like “well no actually kids come with PARENTS”

(kids hardly ever come over with out parents)

and then he was like and also WHO LOST TRACK OF OVER 1,000 PARENTS

(thats 500+ new orphans at the least)

hes saying only the illegal immigrants with the lowest IQs come back after being deported

we said the same thing in december about you but ya’know

my mum was like “anyone eating chocolate” and I was like “im snaking on this ignorance” and she was like “dont do that you'll get indigestion”

“no one has done more for the black community then Donald trump except for maybe Abraham Lincoln”

oh yeah Biden just brought up how trump publicly campaigned for the execution of the central park 5

WHO WERE CHILDREN

AND OH YEAH THEY WERE COMPLETELY INNOCENT

trump just yelled at Biden, got muted, and just yelled louder

trump just said he cant see the audience but hes the least racist person in the room

“Abraham lincoln here is one of the most racist presidents in american history”- biden 2020

biden just went “oh god”

he just said that he used to not support the blm movement because they chanted rude things about police officers

I would like to reiterate that “pigs in a blanket” has never been chanted in a protest or been a prominent statement in the blm movement nor “fry em like bacon” so what trump is saying is factually incorrect

unless hes on some sort of far right conservative twitter feed were he came across a video of some drunk white college kids chanting it 

but you know what ever fits you narrative

plus I would be pretty pissed if I kept getting shot at for no reason so....

Biden making more logical decisions

trump was like why have you never done all this stuff when you were vice president

“we had a republican congress” -biden 2020

we have the cleanest air

we have the cleanest crystal clear water

sir, i know you've been to mexico

don’t lie

the waters gorges down there

and not owned by your smug ass

trump just called china filthy

so you know....

*whispers* racism

ok 5 min left

for real this time

trump just went “aoc plus 3: and then hes like she knows nothing about the climate

ummm.... you dont even believe in climate change

bidens like “are....is...is is”

good for you

correcting your grammar

trump just said “the wind kills all the birds” out of the godamn blue

(he means wind mills and its untrue)

“Whats the next question baba”

“the final question is leadership which he doesnt have”- baba 2020

I feel bad for anybody watching this on the toilet

bidens starring into your soul

he knows what your doing

there officially overtime

its 10 33

they haven't even done the last section yet

btw ITS A SCHOOL NIGHT

why do they host these so late

I should be pretending to be asleep right now

this is generational discrimination

plus trumps supporters are so old there asleep by now

ohhhh its over

1036 final time

okay so thoughts....I generally dont like the party system i think its ridiculous the system was not designed for it, and its now more about loyalty then the actual candidates. I also am really hesitant to put another strait white male in the oval office, especially one thats from “the lucky few” I.E. the smallest voting generation in the country and also the one that already holds the most positions. That being said, at this point its really anyone but trump and I think bidens got the experience to turn things around. 

I AM IN SCHOOL I CANNOT VOTE. I am relying on all my older friends, followers, neighbors, and community members. To make an educated decision that wont further degrade the once hopeful future my generation awaits. Please if you can vote VOTE the kids are relying on you!

P.S. sorry i wasn't able to edit this earlier i struggle alot with spelling and didnt have the time to edit this because I HAD TO GO TO BED AND THEN GO TO SCHOOL. Why am I more politically active then people twice my age you might ask? Well, thats because adults are lazy and need to get of their gd asses and VOTE. So kids dont have to do the legwork for them. 

I have said my peace now, have a wonderful day!

[calpalirwin]

Super Dork

Summary: With great power comes great responsibility. And trauma. No bad guy Spidey-Ash ever fought could compare to the demons in his own head.

A/N: I got yelled at for more again. Which is fine cuz I fuckin love this AU.

Content: Big sad. Fluff landing.

Word Count: 1.5k

And away, and away we go!

__

Part 3

“You got any clothes in this bag of yours you can change into? I can wash your suit for you,” she offered, nudging his backpack with her foot.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. You already did so much. I sh- I’m just gonna g-“ his voice broke off and his face scrunched up in pain as he leaned forward to pull himself up off the couch.

“You are staying for overnight monitoring,” she said, helping him lie back into the cushions. “Doctor’s orders.” She picked up his bag and started to rummage through his belongings. “Sweats, good. C’mon, let me help you get changed and in bed.”

“I’m fine on the couch,” he said, lifting his hips to tug off the bottoms of his suit, revealing- unsurprisingly so- more bruising. “You don’t have to give up your bed for me,” he added as he eased his way into the sweatpants.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Ash. I’m not sleeping on my couch for you.”

“So both of us are going to sleep in your bed? Together?”

“Not like we haven’t done it before.”

“If I recall correctly, we didn’t exactly do a whole lot of sleeping, sweetheart.”

“Oh, the charm’s back. How nice…” She rolled her eyes sarcastically as she gathered up his suit. “There special instructions on how to wash this, or…?”

“Yeah. You can’t.”

“I can’t?”

“Self-cleaning technology. To- he developed it with the help of Wakanda technology for me.”

“That old suit was rather smelly,” she commented, not wanting to press the issue of how he had gotten his new fancy suit.

“Try living in it,” he chuckled with only a small trace of humor as his mind took him to a dark place against his will.

“Hey, come back to me, Ash,” she coaxed softly, resting her hand on his bicep, her voice fighting to reach him through the fog that was welcoming him.

“Can we go to bed now?” he asked in a voice that reminded her of the boy he used to be, shy and uncertain. A far cry from the confident charm possessed by the man he had grown to be.

~~~

“Hey, Ash, I’m gonna need you to hold this building for me, kid!” Tony’s voice sounded in his earpiece. It was calm amidst the chaos raining down around them. A skill that Ashton had yet to learn from his mentor. “I’m sending you my location. Stay low. Get people to safety. Do not engage, do you understand, me?”

“Roger,” he replied, eyes darting around for her. She was here. He could sense it. And he couldn’t leave if he knew she was in danger. And Tony had told him to get people to safety. And she was people. So he wasn’t technically defying orders…

“Yeah, kid?” Steve’s voice was in his ear now. Breathless with exertion, but steadily calm. If they could remain calm, so could he. Time to prove he was more than neighborhood friendly.

“Not you, sir,” Ashton responded, allowing a small chuckle.

“Copy that.”

Ashton chuckled quietly again to himself as he finally found her. “What are you still doing here? Run! Get out of here! Get to shelter!”

“Come with me!” she begged. “Let them fight this!”

“I have to help them! I have orders!”

“Now’s not the time to play hero, Ashton! You’re no good to anybody dead!”

“And I’m no good to anybody standing here arguing with you when I have a job to do! Get to safety! Don’t make me tell you again!”

“Ash!” she continued to beg. “Don’t leave me! Come with me, please!”

“You need to get out of here!” he screamed at her.

“No! I’m not leaving you!”

“Get out!”

“No!”

“I can’t save you from this!”

“I don’t need you to save me!”

He shot his web, flinging her out of harm’s way, cutting her cries out of his mind.

~~~

His legs kicked at the blankets in his sleep as the dream held him captive. “No…” he called out weakly, his body twisting.

~~~

“That way!” he directed. “Keep running that way and don’t look back! There’s shelter ahead! Keep going!” He tried to keep his voice upbeat, friendly, as he raised it so it carried out among the stampede of people running past him.

“Building’s evacuated and secured, Mr. Stark,” he reported into his earpiece.

“Keep clearing out the city. We got to get all these people out.”

He swallowed the surge of anger. Throwing a fit because he didn't like his assignment wasn’t going to prove he wasn’t the same kid he was when he had first gotten his powers. He didn’t have time to be angry for long as all his senses rang loudly like a fire alarm pounding in his head. A building three blocks away was about to come down with people still inside.

He let his senses take control of his body, taking it to where it was needed.

He quickly took in the scene and set to work. He prayed the webbing would hold as he did his best to secure it to the buildings around it. The muscles in his arms screamed in protest as he gritted his teeth and planted his feet. “Tony! This building’s coming down!”

“Is everyone out?”

“There’s a family still inside. 4th floor, 7th window. Tony, I can’t hold this building and get them out at the same time… there’s still people below. Why are there still people?! You gotta get out of here!”

“Hold the building, I’m on my way.”

Ashton heard the soft ping of a tendril of webbing breaking off. “No. No, no, no…” he whispered, his voice climbing high as he frantically shot out more webs for more grip. “Hey, Cap? Your shield strong enough to prop up a building?” Ashton joked as he fought against the panic threatening to seize him.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Stark, kid,” Steve chuckled. “Hang in there. He’s on his way.”

“On your left, Grandpa,” Tony said and Ashton looked up to see the red blur.

“Howard was older than me, Tony…”

The tendrils continued to snap, almost faster than Ashton could fling them. “Tony, my webbing’s not holding. I don- Tony, what do I do?”

“Hey, kid?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m about to ask you to do something and I just need you to do it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“The building’s structurally damaged. It’s coming down and there’s no stopping it. I’m going to do my best to get these people out that are still trapped. But I need you to let go and get somewhere safe. Can you do that?”

“Tony, no! I can hold it until you get the people out!”

“Let go, kid. Your job’s done. Clock out. Go home.”

“NO!” Ashton screamed as the building started to fall, his webbing breaking in a series of rapid snaps.

~~~

“TONY!” The cry tore out of Ashton’s throat as his eyes flew open, panic and terror in his chest. He fought for each breath as his senses grounded him. He was safe. In bed. Alive. Tears spilled a path down his cheeks as his shoulders heaved with the sobs breaking free.

“Hey,” a voice called out in the darkness and a soft hand was on his arm. “Shh, it’s okay. It was only a dream.”

“No, it wasn’t…” was the broken whisper. “I was supposed to secure the buildings and get everyone to safety. It was a simple fuckin’ assignment and I couldn’t even do that, right… If I had been faster, I could have saved them. Your parents. Him. Everyone.”

“My parents were already dead on the other side of town. You and that building had nothing to do with their deaths. As for Tony? He was a genius, Ash. He knew he wasn’t getting out of that building unscathed.”

“I should have tried harder! Been better…”

“You did everything you could. You made all the right calls. Ash, it was an accident. An accident that you were part of, sure. But it had nothing to do with you.”

“People died because of me!”

“People died because of Loki’s army. People lived because of you. I lived because of you.”

Her admission lifted some of the weight pressing down on him. He could live through the villain smackdowns. He could live through the loss of life. It wasn’t easy, but he could do it. But the loss of her? Well, let’s just say that if it came down to her or his powers, he would choose her and never think twice. “Of all the things I’ve lost, you’re the one thing I can’t bear to lose,” he told her, reaching out to grab her hand in his, letting the memories of all the times he had done this before flood out the rest of the weight.

“Then maybe you should stop letting me go,” she replied, squeezing his fingers with hers.

“I’m never letting you go again,” he promised, lifting up their hands to brush his lips against her knuckles.

__

Tag List

@goeatsomelife @flameraine @cashtonasff5sos @here-for-the-uproars @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @baldcalum @sparkling-chaos @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short @aquarius-hood1996 @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @philthepegacorn @kikixfandoms

[jedward5ever]

Jacob and Edward

hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that. 

setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet

edward: so what did you get for number 5?

Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it

edward: ok. why?

Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?

e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?

J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes

e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules

J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo

e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria

J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous

e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i  feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’

J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing

e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me

J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….

e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying

J: *mumbles something*

e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.

J: i said…..i….l...ll

e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT

j:......i….love……

e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*

J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*

e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*

J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……

e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?

J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot

e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth

J: what does it say man

e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it

J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...

e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on

Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*

LAMOAOAK

J: dude…...thats in the textbook????

e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…

J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….

e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook

J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha

e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u

J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?

e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*

J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this…. e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS

J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..

e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again...  monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…

J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..

e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…

J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?

e: no… *intense eye contact*

J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different

e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then  accidentally looks down* bro… is that….

J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!

e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u

J: youre...attracted to me……

e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood

J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*

e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*

J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????

e: u tell me

J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have

e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs

J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then

e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways

J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick

e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….

J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck

e: well yeah more or less

the end

BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued

LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3

setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)

jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.

e: ugh. u again.

J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault

e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason

J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back

e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to

J:.........what do you mean…….

e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..

J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......

e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?

J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement

e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*

J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring

e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*

J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…

e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that  back right fucking now

J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?

e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*

J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though

andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.

J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…

e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that

J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us

e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*

J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me

e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*

J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan

e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what

J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..

e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…

J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other

e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…

J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too

e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*

J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid

e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…

J: *steps closer* make...me…..

e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…

J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me

a/n: how fucking close are they now huh  uhh like 3 ft apart ok

e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME

J: make me *smirks*

a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need

e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy

J: do it then…..

e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*

J: *dies*

e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*  

J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*

a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL

e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard

a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO

J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?

e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that

J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*

e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME

a/n IM CRYING HAHA

J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you

e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog

J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…

e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.

J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….

e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.

a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW

J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..

e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess

a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)

J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place

e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…

J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers

e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.

J: what man???

e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.

J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember

e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.

J: ……...how?

e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.

J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….

e: *squints at him* what.

J: we could……..you know…. ..

e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.

J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you

e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until  a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*

J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight

e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?

J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right

e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.

a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person

J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting

a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP

e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*

a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW

J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…

e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*

J: you don't have to look away…..

e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.

J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….

e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay

J: maybe…..but so are you…….

END

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon  except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye

dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue

setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions

J: so make yourself at home i guess…..

e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?

J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are

e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..

a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie  absolutely not

J;well like……...theres only one bed…

e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)

J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*

e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*

(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think

J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit

Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????

edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…

J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary

a/n: k so im billy now? If u want

billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*

edward: …

billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?

edward: .

J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go

e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now

(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)

(in jacobs room)

J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again

e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*

a/n HAHAHAHAHA

J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..

e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework

J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*

e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh

J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again

e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.

J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???

e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING

J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR

e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*

J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*

e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….

J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something

e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably

(but they on sacred land or smthn)

J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so  now what???

e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…

J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world

e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad

J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever

e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*

J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*

e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*

J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U

e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….

J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……

e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.

J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me

e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so  my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok

a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels

J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….

e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*

J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho

e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY

J: *dies*

e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.

J: *still dead*

e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.

J: *just a fucking corpse*

e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.

J: *not alive*

e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART  HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT

*continuing edward monologue*

e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*

(billy comes out from behind the house)

J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad

Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall

e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?

J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know

Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*

e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?

J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????

e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.

J: how…..???

e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….

J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????

e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .

J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???

e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food

J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian

e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*

J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo

(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)

e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke

ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS

J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*

e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr

J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something

e: . im tired. u get something for me.

J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit

e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.

J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some

BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all

k anyways continue

J; here take this eat up

a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right

e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom

J: feel better now?

e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom

J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……

e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk

a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good

J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????

e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food

J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit

e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*

J: *rolls eyes*......

e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.

J: *says nothing but keeps looking*

e: *slurp* u want some then?

J: absolutely not

e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here

J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting

e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*

(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)

a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post  YES

J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..

e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom

J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….

e: ur the one who hunted it.

J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks

e: what the fucks a mcdicks

J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..

e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…

J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh

e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again

J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want

e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what

J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???

e: do about what

J: me calling you small minded idiot

e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up

J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???

a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA

e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT

J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…

e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..

J: *steps closer* do it then

e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*

J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*

e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*

J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*

e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..

J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer

e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea

BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA

e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.

J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back

e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU

J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???

e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*

J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*

e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*

J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home

e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*

J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?

e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*

(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)

a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm

J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………

e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever

J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…

(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*

e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….

J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....

e: wait. do u hear that……..

(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)

bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys

a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW

J: uh…..who the fuck are you….

b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….

J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?

e: *uncomfotable.*

bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.

J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??

b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize

e: hhhhhhhhhh

J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??

bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*

e: wait…. u can’t

bella: y?

e: um……. bc….

J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….

e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?

b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)

J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?

bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e

e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT

bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*

J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……

(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS

e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT

J: …………*jumps at edward again*

e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*

(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)

e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE

J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……

(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)

e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!

bella: omg so cringe stop pls

J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……

(awake and unafraid asleep)

e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*

J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..

b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*

e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)

J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........

e: hmmmm,......  jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP

(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)

J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..

e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../….///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG

j:  *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….

(na na na is over and fades slowly bc  bella closes her mouth)

b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN

e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…

J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..

e: *checks him for wounds*

bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him

J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*

b: stay down. that’s an order u dog

e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH

(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)

J: ………..

(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)

b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend

e: *blushes* bro not right now

b: no seriously

e: …..

b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?

e: ….

b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition

(what is this condition lemme think)

b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child

e: ok (?)

(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)

e: *goes back to jacob* helo

J: are you ok…….what went down??????

e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that

J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??

(the mist rises)

e: ok…. can you even walk?

J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*

e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber

BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH

a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u

(jacobs room)

J: ok im fine stop worrying  

(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)

biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand  i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….

e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor

a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu

J: who…….

e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…

J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???

e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.

Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else

J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….

seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……

e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner

seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor

a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)

J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….

e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*

billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?

seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.

J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????

billy: JACOB (does he have  a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..

seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?

J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool

e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*

seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…

J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*

a;/n: lMFAO

(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)

e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*

billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible

seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um ….  ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me

e: *still staring at the wall* no

J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????

e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?

J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…

e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*

J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad

e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*

s: OH my fucking GOd  *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*

J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*

e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*

billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid

seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome

J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…

seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?

billy: *leaves*

J: so i think i need a real doctor now

s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*

J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?

e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.

J: bruh why not u said u would earlier

e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.

J: dude come here let me see your head

e: no

J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way

e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….

J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??

e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr

J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?

e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad

J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???

e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move

J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…

e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*

J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…

e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*

(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)

J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…

e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier

J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????

e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that

J: dude wtf…..why are you like this

e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …

J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner

e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*

J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me

e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.

J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know

BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING

e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit

J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell

e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN

J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that

e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?

a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that

J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole

e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that

J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????

e: u tell me

a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO  LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu

J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……

e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work

J: you could have just asked…..

e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*

J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???

e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)

J: *dies*

e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on

J: *still dead*

e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly

J: *dead*

e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that

J: idk man but its a banger tho

e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh

J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….

e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…

J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????

e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches

J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???

e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .

a/n IM CRYING

J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before

e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in

J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man

e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life

J: i get so many bitches u would not believe

e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone  and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u

J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close

e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*

J: *angerily silent*.......

e: *starts laughing* like……..  i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah

J; *still silent* …………………….

(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )

e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm

J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........

e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..

J: *mumbles* go get it then……

e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….

J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..

e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package

J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot

e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk

J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man

e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*

(billy and other wolf members: :|

J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf

e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*

J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you

e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally

J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much

e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*

J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????

e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…

J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….

e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*

J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones

J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down

e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*

J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*

e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage

BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge

Sorry bro ok bye

(now is morning)

e: *been watching tik toks all night long*

J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh

e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working

J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….

e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father  now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….

J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….

e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life

J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this

e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?

J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot

e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..

J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u

e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..

J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……

e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?

J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……

e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*

J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….

e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?

J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….

e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….

J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….

e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..

J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….

e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time

J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO

e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog

J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving

e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….

J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????

e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there

J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now

e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo

J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..

e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?

J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..

e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……

J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r  u always so fucking difficult

e: im not difficult bruh

J: u fucking r

e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway

J: alright sick

[castcharmperson]

are you going to continue fic about taako's glamour??? because my dude it is JUICY AS HELL and i'm SO about lup (and/or anyone else) finding out

hi ohmygod i love your work and i literally cannot believe you read my fic?? you’re like, a very cool person and i totally freaked out when i first saw this ask??? thank you????

okay okay okay okay, hear me out. First and foremost, this is, perhaps, the most flavorful compliment i’ve been given and i adore it thank you. The juicy drama shall only continue.

also im splitting part three into two chunks, sorry not sorry, part four comes out tomorrow!

This was her first winter on Faerun. Lup had sort of lost track of how many holidays their new home had, but that was fine. She got firewood with Magnus, decorated how Killian showed her, rolled around in the snow with Mookie just to feel how cold it was. She’d had her body for almost eight months now, but every sensation felt so new. 

“I’m told you’ve mastered Scorching Ray.”

She watched her brother retreat into the kitchen, Angus chasing after him. There were a lot of new things, she realized, when she couldn’t chase after him too.

Lup wasn’t stupid. Her brother was a world class liar but he couldn’t lie to her. At least, she thought he couldn’t. But everything was new and different now. The old Lup would have rushed in on that summer afternoon, pushed and prodded until Taako told her about every scar. The old Lup had never been as patient as Taako. He could hang back, wait years for the perfect opportunity if he had to, but Lup was made for action.

A decade in an umbrella had changed that. Now, she was patient.

Well, patient to a point. She waited while Angus left for school, waited while Taako got settled with his own school. She waited for months, had to be certain Taako wouldn’t bolt the first time she brought it up. She didn’t even bring it up today! Just hinted at it. She supposed it was foolish to hope he was forgetful in same way he had pretended she wasn’t perceptive.

So she had to wait. Again. That was fine, she tried to tell herself. The cheering had turned into drinking around the fire from the massive keg Merle and Davenport had brought, but Lup wasn’t really in the Solstice mood anymore. This wasn’t her tradition yet, still too new, just like everything else. Barry gave her a look as she passed by. She hoped her smile said enough, and it must have. He gave her a soft smile of his own, but didn’t follow her as she snuck in through the side of the house, not wanting to pass through the kitchen.

“You’ve been hiding a limp all day.” Angus sounded confident, voice echoing through the empty house in the same way he talked about his successful cases with the Neverwinter PD. Lup had planned to curl up in bed, but this… this might be worth waiting to hear. Taako said something, but she was too far away to hear it. Then there was shouting.

“It’s not bullshit when someone’s keeping secrets!”

“Watch your fucking language!”

Then Silence, powerful arcane energy that stopped her midstep, just before the doorframe of the kitchen. She saw Taako and Angus keep talking, but she couldn’t read their lips. The tension her brother had been carrying all day seeped out of his shoulders. Whatever was happening in there, she needed to wait to see its end.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been waiting, but the spell started to crackle out of existence.

“I don’t want that. You shouldn’t even know about this. No one was supposed to know.” Taako sounded just like he did when he told her everyone was dust.

“You should at least tell Lup.” Angus said. Candlenights was late on the calendar this year, but Lup was buying this kid every Caleb Cleveland novel she could get her hands on. She’d kidnap the author and gift wrap them for Angus if she had to.

“I can’t tell Lup.”

A decade in an umbrella, a year of listening to her brother and not being able to say a thing; Lup had patience now, but only so much. Coming out from behind the door frame, she threw on a smirk she didn’t feel and finally rushed in.

She wasn’t really sure what she expected. Taako’s Dex mod used to be higher than hers and she was never really good at Stealth rolls anyway, so it was rare that she could surprise him. Even now, he didn’t jump, didn’t squawk and yell at her the way he used when she and Magnus could prank him. He froze and didn’t even look at her. He looked at Angus.

Lup thought she’d seen every emotion cross her twin’s face, the thousands of matching expressions they shared, but she’d never seen this. It wasn’t anger, wasn’t even surprise. He looked almost empty, filled with nothing but bone deep betrayal. She could almost see his “I trust no one and nothing except Angus McDonald” crumbling to dust in their kitchen and she felt sick.

“He didn’t know,” she said before thinking twice about it. There was a flicker of something and then the hallowed out look of loss was gone and Taako was smirking at her, make up perfect and a hand on his hip.

“Ooh, so you were eavesdropping?” He clicked his tongue a few times, shaking his head. “Davenport would be so disappointed you didn’t pay attention to his Boundaries In Close Quarters powerpoint from cycle seven.”

He was waiting for her to take the bait, to point out the only reason they had to watch the powerpoint that cycle was because of him. As the seconds dragged on though, she could see his smirk falter. The silence stretched further and she still couldn’t speak. Now was her moment, this is what she’d been waiting for! There was so much she needed to say and yet the only thing that came out of her mouth was a broken, “Taako.”

“Nope.” He turned right around, picking up a spoon and furiously stirring something.

“Sir, should I go…” Angus started but Taako just picked up the potato peeler and handed it to him without looking.

“You are staying right here and peeling those potatoes, Agnes.”

“Taako,” Lup tried to say something else but that’s all that could be said. She took a shaky step forward but her brother still wouldn’t look at her. “Taako, please, I know something’s going on.”

“Uh-uh. I am not doing this today, Lulu. I know you’re new to this planar system but this feast is– oof!” She nearly knocked Taako into the counter as she collided with him, wrapping her arms around him in a crushing hug. “Lulu…”

“You’re soft. Need soft.” She murmured into the back of his sweater. When she first got her body, they spent days like this. Taako let her feel every fabric he owned, his softest silk blouses and his most scuffed up leather boots. She ran her fingers through his hair for hours. There were still some nights when she’d sneak into his room, shove Kravitz out of the way, and hold him close just because she finally could. She hadn’t had a bad night like that in weeks, but maybe Taako forgot.

“I can’t do this today, Lup.” He whispered, seeing right through her in a way she used to be able to do too. At least he didn’t push her off, slowly stirring whatever mixture he was working on for dinner. Angus had the peeler on a potato, but hadn’t moved.

“Tomorrow?” She asked.

The silence that followed, she could truly see her brother again. Angus must have seen it too. He relaxed and got through two more potatoes as they both pretend not to watch Taako run the numbers. Could he fake a school emergency tomorrow? What were the odds she’d believe he had the flu? Maybe if he Blinked enough times in a row, she wouldn’t be able to follow him. Anything to get out of this conversation. He slumped a little and Lup tried not to laugh. He couldn’t avoid her forever, they both knew it. At least not everything was new and different.

“Fine,” Taako surrendered. “But I seriously have to get cooking.” She didn’t move. “Are you just going to hang off of me all day?”

“Maybe.”

Taako gave a full body sigh, shuffling them together through the kitchen to put something in the oven. Angus laughed and Lup was pretty sure she could feel Taako smile. “Fine.”

[loveroflifesblog]

Mavis

It was almost February. You were the first person I saw when I entered the room. Typical guy. Brushed up hair, tattooed arms, wearing that signature green jacket that you have. You were sitting quietly did not even noticed me. 

It was my first day of work. You were the first person I saw in that room, but the very last person that I became close to. You were my superior back then. Rarely talk to you about anything unless it was work related. I used to call you "Sir" or "Kuya" since you were older than me. 

I never imagine that we will ever talk to one another. You were in a relationship that time. I hated you and your partner. She wasn't really nice to me. I did not care that much because I don't have to deal with you all the time. 

It was summer when our team decided to go out of town. You and your partner was not invited. It was one hot summer day when we went to Masasa Beach in Batangas. I was shocked that you were there but your partner isn't. One of our office mates told me that you are having problems with your partner. I never really cared because I thought it was just a simple couple fight.

When we arrived at the place, you immediately talked to me. I can still remember what you told me that time. I can still remember how you looked like. I remember teasing you that time that you guys will all be tipsy but I will still be fine. I think you took that as a challenge. We kept on talking during that time. We were enjoying each others company while you were cooking and me washing the dishes.

We were alone at the beach. We started talking to one another like we knew each other for a long time. We talked about your relationship with your girlfriend. And that is when I found out that you have broken up. I told you to patch things up but you told me that it seems impossible. I was broken hearted too, knowing that you have a child together. I know how it feels growing up with incomplete family because my father died at an early age. You kept on saying things about you and I started to share my story too. I have been single for a year, still trying to move on from a heart break. I was inlove with a guy who was married. We were secretly dating while he was still married. He loves his wife so much and doesn’t have any plans of leaving her. I don’t want him to do that too. I know what I did was wrong but I fell in love with that guy and I can’t stop it. We eventually ended our relationship after almost 3 years. I guess that is what made you interested in me. I can be that girl. I can be that girl for you. A girl who would stay with you even if its wrong. I can be your go-to girl. I can be your secret woman. I can be your fuck buddy. I know you did not said that directly to me but I know you that is what you mean. 

Days passed and we began talking to one another. We work together, we seat beside each other, we became friends, I started hanging out with your friends. I admit it, I had a crush on you the first time I saw you. 

It was one hot afternoon, we just got out of work and our office mates invited us to drink. We drink together and started to be sweet to one another. I guess, it is the beer that is talking. You gave your phone to me and started showing me your gallery and your messages. You started showing me everything and you even gave me the password of your phone. I was teasing you that I might see your girl friends messages and you told me that I can have your phone for a week and still see nothing. I don’t know what to feel. We may be tipsy that time but I know what you said was different. We were about to go home and offered me a ride. I declined because it was out of the way and you were drunk but you insisted. Instead of going home, we stayed in a motel and there we became intimate to one another. You asked me if we can continue doing it, I hesitated but you assured me that is going to stay between us.

It happened once, twice, thrice and I can even remember how many times. The third time we did it, you told me that you want to tell everyone on the office about us but I declined. I told you not to do it because your break up with your EX was still a big thing in the office. I declined but I felt very happy on what I heard. I know you were still trying to move on from your EX but it still made me happy hearing those words.

I fell for you. You were my priority back then. I help you until you got over your ex with the hopes in my heart that we can eventually make our relationship official. 

But things started changing. We barely talk. I saw some girls on your Facebook page liking and commenting on your post. Some of our office mates said that you brought a girl to one of our office events that I did not join. I got hurt but who am I to ask? Who am I to demand? Who am I to you?

I got mad and got an opportunity to hurt you. You and some of our office mates started to use a dating app. I was intrigued. I joined that app and pretended to be a different person. Viola! I got your attention. I did everything so you can fall for me. I succeeded. You fell for me. You fell on that person that I created. 

When I thought have plotted a revenge against you, I was wrong. I was falling for you even more. It was difficult for me to end that make believe relationship. Then the nightmare came to reality. You knew who I was. You knew that it was just me pretending. You got mad and started not talking to me. I thought that will be the end of us. I accepted it because I know sooner or later it will happen.

New years eve. The year was about to change and I told myself that I will be leaving you behind. It was a fucked up year and don’t want to include you or anyone in the past to hurt me again. I guess, destiny isn’t really friendly after all. A few hours before the new year, you sent me a message greeting me happy new year. My heart jump. It was the greatest plot twist of my 2018. 

You started talking to me again like nothing happened. You started sending pictures again. I don’t know what to say. Then you eventually asked me to go out again. Being the stupid I was, I gave in. We started going out again, doing the same things we did before but I got used to it. I did not demand or ask anything. I told myself that I will not be expecting but I know in my heart there is a little hope that you will like me. 

A few months have passed and it is still the same. I got busy with my new work and yours too. You were still the same to me and I realized that I am not getting any younger and I want a serious relationship. I told myself that the next time you will ask me to go out, I will decline and will clarify what we really are. It was destiny again who tricked me. 

We were just chatting that Sunday afternoon. We were planning when to see each other when you suddenly mentioned that you have a girlfriend now. I was shocked but did not show that to you. It seems like your girlfriend was just nothing to you. I told you I don’t wanna do it. I told you not to do to other people what your ex did to you. You told me what we have was far beyond than what you have with your girl now. If that is the case why didn’t you choose me? I knew that this day would come. I knew that you were never gonna choose me but I held into that day that you told me you want us to be official. I still remember everything. The way you looked at me. The way you touch me. The way you cared for me. Some may say that you never really cared but I know deep down inside you, you felt it too.

I have questions in my mind that may not be able to get an answer and that is okay. Sometimes closure is not getting a closure at all. You will always have a special place in my heart. I will be moving on now but please know that I will always be there when you need me. Some people may see you bad but you will always be the sweetest person for me. I wish you all the best in life. I hope that even for a little time I made you happy. I hope that one day if I saw you on the streets I will have the courage to look at you straight in the eye without any ill feelings. Forgive me if I will do this. For now, I will take care of myself first. Once my heart is ready, I will be your friend again.Let me just prioritize myself. I will always love you Wuvwuv. I will miss you. Please take care of yourself while im gone. Smile, soon things will be brighter.

Almost lover,

Wuv

[doublebabyboy]

what got7 are like in bed

obv this is just my opinion, i’d happily discuss them w you if youd msg me or send me an ask but yeah

warning: smut (obviously)

mark:

probably a little flustered at first

but the more he warms up to you, the more of a tease he becomes

not exactly a hardcore dom or sub, just a top since he’s pretty lowkey

but would bottom for you if you asked

just likes being on top bc he likes doing all the work

giver > receiver

he gets off on whatever you get off on, not really any major kinks or turn ons on his part, except one i’ll get onto later down the list

knows how crazy his voice can drive you and takes full advantage of it

so therefore; dirty talk

doesn’t really know what to say tho so just focuses on how good you make him feel

“fuck baby you’re so tight” “mmm that feels good”

uses “baby” or “babygirl” a lot

relatively quiet apart from dirty talk, occasional quiet moans

but if you pull his hair he won’t be able to help a louder moan slipping out

now onto the part you’ve been waiting for, his one major turn on:

hickeys

have you fuckign seen his teeth?? his lil canines?? perfect for hickeys im tELLing you

loves marking (pun intended BAD UM TSS) all over your neck, collarbones, and inner thighs

not into like super dark large bruises but more like lots of small lovebites scattered all over the place

the reason why he’s mostly quiet is bc if his mouth isnt whispering dirty things in your ear, its on your skin

doesn’t really have a fav position as long as it gives easy access to your neck

can only go once but can last a looooong time; best at self control apart from jinyoung

pretty needy, doesn’t like vocalizing it tho

so he’d probably try to give you the hint subtly like casually rubbing your inner thigh and giving you that look with dark eyes as he bites his lip subconsciously

usually that’s all it takes but if you decide to tease him he’ll break eventually, he’ll lean close right next to your ear and whisper “please baby,” and move your hand to his bulge and fffuck you can’t resist that

jaebum:

sigh

yall know he’s a daddy

sorry if you dont like the kink but have you seen jaebum,,, hes a daddy

HELLA DOM

might sub for you like once a year but he won’t be a good boy

probably a huge brat that keeps trying to take control again so you’d probably have to handcuff him or physically restrain him from taking over somehow

if not, he will flip you over and fuck you into the mattress for even attempting

but anyways if you dont like daddy he’d settle for master or sir but if you’d rather just use his name he’d still want to be very in control

whatever name you’re using, you’d be screaming it

tells you to be quiet and not make a noise, but actually loves it when you’re vocal, he just tells you off so he can have an excuse to punish you or just tease you and see how far he can push you

loves pushing your limits

groans loudly when you clench around him

dirty talk

“you’re such a good girl for daddy” “don’t make daddy punish you” “i own this pretty little cunt, got it?”

likes marking you where everyone can see, the smug bastard

bondage (giving)

edging!! hes such a tease

orgasm denial if you’re being a brat

will not let you come unless you’re begging

if you come early he’ll rile you up again only to leave you hanging or with a dry orgasm

wants you to be his good girl but enjoys the challenge of a brat

“babygirl” “baby” “kitten” “pet”

prefers giving oral because he likes watching you squirm

makes you cum multiple times from his tongue

won’t deny a blowjob though

threads his hands in your hair and pulls harshly, letting out low grunts

likes to come inside you

jackson:

oh boy

switch but probably won’t be a whiny sub/good boy

very vocal either way

sweet talk and praise aaaaaaaaall the way

“you’re taking my cock so well baby” “fuck princess you’re so good to me”

pet names!!

“princess” “baby” “angel” “babygirl” you name it

b o d y  w o r s h i p

treats your body like a temple; loves every inch of it

kisses eeeeverywhere

likes marking your thighs

just loves your thighs in general hes a thigh man

thigh highs??? o o f he’s wrecked

loooves lingerie, will move your panties to the side and leave it on if you decide to wear it

sobs tHIGH RIDING have you seen this mans thighs

and the way he lowkey gave jinyoung a lap dance when he said he wanted to feel his “manly thighs”? he would so get off on watchin you get off on his thigh

loves receiving head but always insists on repaying the favour

shameless moaning; will tell you what youre doing good

likes it when you tell him what he’s doing right or just tell him what to do, he wants to do anything in his power to please you

im sobbing he’d treat you like a QUEEN

you’re more vanilla? he got it. you wanna be rough and kinky? gladly. you wanna tie his to the bed post? fuck it, sure. want it slow and romantic? any day of the week. wanna call him daddy? why not. the list goes on

would be okay with threesomes if it was with someone he was close to/trusted enough to know they’d treat you well, maybe even a poly partner

doesnt mind if its ffm or mmf i get the feeling he’s bi anyways

very caring and attentive to your needs

is quite needy himself tho

always dtf

“princess i’m so hard for you...can you help me out?”

king of aftercare

would clean you up and cuddle you

probably end up going for round four in the shower if you clean up int here tho

this man has stamina and WILL go multiple times, wants you to do the same

jinyoung:

soft dom

probably the most vanilla out of the group imo

really romantic

when he has time, likes to set up the mood by putting rose petals everywhere and like mood lighting maybe with some scented candles and like music??

wants the full experience yknow

not a huge fan of quickies but will do them if he gets a boner he cant get rid of at a bad time

still tho, a huge tease

intense eye contact

will smirk at you and just hover over you, waiting for you to cave in and beg him to touch you

always goes down on you before going in, he knows foreplay is important, plus he loves being in between your legs

mainly bc he lives off the sounds of your moans and whimpers

music to his ears

likes giving it to you nice and slow until you urge him to go faster

tends to only go once or twice himself but if you want more he’d happily go down on you again afterwards or use his fingers

body worship; but probably not to jackson’s extent

also quite quiet in terms of moans, mostly just low grunts and lots of erratic breathing

always asks if you’re okay

sweet talk sweet talk

literally the definition of whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he makes love to you

how pretty you look under him, how good you’re being, how much he loves you

most of the time loving and gentle but if you prefer more rough sex he’s down for that too

will leave hickeys in places where people can’t see, he likes knowing that you hide a dirty little secret under those clothes

has the most self-control in the group, can hold back for a long time because he always insists on you coming first and refuses to come before you

youngjae:

im already dying

ultimate sub

fucking fight me youngjae is the biggest sub ever he’s babyboy culture

might top for you if youre a hella sub too but never full on dom, ever

would be really blushy and flustered and always asking if he’s hurting you

seems pretty vanilla when he tops, lets his inner freak out as a bottom

extremely, extremely vocal

just can’t help the moans and whines tumble out of his mouth when you make him feel so good

he starts off biting his lip to try stay quiet but it does’t really work

eventually just lets it all out and is very loud

his moans would be the most delicious noises in the world

loves it when you talk dirty to him

just do it

talk dirty to him

it makes him feel so filthy and he basks in it

CALL HIM BABYBOY he’s so weak for that

likes being completely powerless and surrendering to you and letting you have your way with him

just loves it when you tell him what to do

pull on his hair pull on his hair he will go w i  l d

won’t bring it up or suggest it but if you used toys on him he’d go crazy

would love to use a toy you’ve already used on yourself, again it makes him feel dirty and he loves it

degrade him or praise him or a mix of both, either way he’ll love it

probably would struggle to form proper sentences so just moans a lot and lets out strings of curses and moans your name,, loudly,,

unless you havent gotten the message already HE LOUD

will ask you for hickeys, he loves when you cover him in them, he’ll just look at them in the mirror the next day in awe

pretty low self control but can come multiple times

highkey likes being overstimulated

needs aftercare; clean him up and give him lots and lots of cuddles

and food bc who doesn’t like food

tell him he did well and he’ll melt into a puddle if he hasn’t already

im so wrecked for sub youngjae oh y god

im not ok

bambam:

FUCKING HELP ME BAM IS MY ULT BIAS THIS IS GONNA GET LOOONG (much longer than the others im sorry im biased)

like his dick ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

no but fr

bambam is big

think about it ok on live tv he publicly said his iconic how do you know line then looked down at his dick like any horny teenager, and in the same episode, pointed at his dick repeatedly as his “sexy version” of just right and hip thrusted when meant to do a cute version of if you do

do you really think he’d be that confident if he didn’t have anything to back it up??? no ok BAMBAM IS BIG

anyways getting to it - bambam is the Ultimate Switch™ dont even @ me

he will be all cocky and say he’s a dom and heck he’ll be a dom and a damn good one

but he will jump at the opportunity to sub for you any day of the week

probably would start off really awkward leading to lots of giggly and playful sex

even once he’s gotten familiar with you, there would probably still be a fair amount of giggly and playful sex

has lots of turnons, likes both giving and receiving for all of them

he is a freak im telling you lemme just list a few things

hair pulling - moans really loudly if you pull his hair and probably swears, also pulls on your hair w/out realising it but once you respond by moaning he will take full advantage of it to hear you

hickeys - second to mark on the hickey loving list, only he loves receiving as much as giving, loves finding your sweet spot and concentrating on it

scratching - rake your nails down his back as he tops you, he loves the burning sensation it gives him, also will probably do the same if you’re topping

bondage, probably just restraining hands tho but i mean. if you whip out a harness or some kinky shit he wouldn’t be opposed to it

honestly he’s really livin the yolo life he’d try anything once bc why the fuck not

dirty talk dirty talk

his mind his filthy; his mouth is filthy

“babygirl you’re so tight around my cock” “do that again princess” “fuck you look so hot under me”

“babygirl” “baby” “princess” “kitten” again, you name it, he’s down

won’t ask for it, but will get a hella ego boost if you call him daddy

but still not as into it as jaebum

does anything he can to make you moan, he could listen to your moans all day

very observant of all the little things that make you tick so you can have the best experience he can give you

very shameless moaner after passing the initial awkwardness of the first few times

second loudest moaner next to youngjae fffuuuuck imagine his moans for a second just hjdksjk

as a sub: he loves it when you tie him up and overstimulate him with assorted toys and yourself, obviously

give him a vibrator and a vibrating cockring and ride him and pull his hair he will go absolutely insane, it overwhelms him so much and he loves it

says he hates being overstimulated but actually enjoys the pain

as a dom: he likes fucking you hard and fast, secretly loves when you’re a brat because he sees it as a challenge and loves the thrill of battling you for dominance (but sometimes lets you win bc its hot)

will probably use toys on you and make you come over and over again for him bc he cannot get enough of seeing you come, he’ll overstimulate you as well

either dom or sub: he loves oral, both giving and receiving, you could argue he likes it better than penetration

have you seen his lips oh my godddd those were made for giving head (and making out. or just kissing in general. help me i love bambams lips)

he loves the way his mouth can make you moan and writhe so much, he could probably live between your legs if you let him, making you come multiple times

also hella into face riding sit on his face oh god just sit on his face

pull on his hair pull on his hair pull on his hair he’ll moan into you

looooooooooves receiving head too, moans loudly and grips your hair harshly

doesn’t fuck your face but just pulls on your hair and moves at whatever pace you set

also loves coming inside you, but second favourite is on your face

also super needy, probably has the highest sex drive

his cocky ass would send you nudes if you weren’t around

if you were around, he’d come up to you and give you a back hug, pressing up his boner against your ass to not so subtly hint his problem

if you ignored him, he’d start kissing your neck and humming

and if you continued ignoring him, he’d whisper really close to your ear, his voice all raspy and low and say something like “don’t play hard to get babygirl, i know you want this dick,” then proceed to tell you in explicit detail all the things he’d do to you

at that point you wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore

this is way too long already but i hAvE to adD

r i s k y  s e x

he would be so into the thrill and adrenaline it got him he’d get off to that so hard

it would be like a game to him, see how many different places he can do it and get away w it

probably would do it in the same room as his members ngl

maybe even with his members, i also see him as the type to be open to threesomes or polyamory

loves making out w/ you which usually leads to sex unless its a rlly soft loving moment

probably still gonna lead to sex bc believe it or not, the kinky fucker is still capable of making love to u hdsjsk

ok i think i just wrote an essay here im so sorry ill stop

yugyeom:

97 line? maknae line? more like Ultimate Switch™ line

openly admits he’s a switch unlike bambam who tries to say hes a dom

actually i think he shares a lot of things with bambam

not even gonna lie they’ve probably hooked up once or twice when they got wasted

still friends tho with no regrets but it was a thing

either hella intense dom or whiniest sub with no in between

goes from daddy to babyboy in like 0.0002 secs

(probably not into being called daddy tho)

proooobably has a noona kink when he’s subbing

the only member who can beat bambam in his hair pulling kink, he love love loooves it when you pull his hair he lets out the softest moans

in general, his moans are high pitched and whiny and ughghhh h o t

will go crazy if you call him babyboy or pet but mainly babyboy

even if he’s subbing he likes to be the one doing the work bc he’s fast and damn those dancer hips so he’s probably too impatient to let you do it lol

but you like to tease him so sometimes you’d tie him up and ride him real slow until he’s begging you and whimpering to speed up

peg him he loves that shit

honestly he may be a hella switch but as soon as your mouth is on his dick he is a babyboy there’s nothing he can do about it

he will moan and pet your hair and pull it when he comes

doesn’t like blowjobs bc he’s embarrassed at how fast he loses it compared to his usual stamina

which is a lot btw, he can go on forever istg

perks of being a main dancer

speakin of main dancer

his s e x y  d a n c e s

would gladly give you a lap dance beforehand of just a full on fucking strip show this boy is wild

would gladly accept any lap dances or strip shows also lolololol

overall very rough and impatient bc he’s a horny boy

probably second highest sex drive next to bams

gets all pouty if you deny him too long

then fucks you into the wall out of frustration dAMN

unless you plan on punishing him for being so needy ohohohoh

okay im gonna call it quits before this becomes a novel

hope y’all enjoyed bc damn i sure did

[ninjagoruinedmylife]

"An Awkward Prom" - a.k.a thing i promised to to and i haven't sleep yesterday to finish it rip me

Aaaaalright folks, so. Today is ninjago oc day which i was really REALLY REALLY hyped for, considering the fact that i have an oc i developed lately. Her name is Ange and she is daughter of Karlof and next elemental master of metal (i think i mentioned her here once or twice tho). And, because we are dorks, me and @clumsinessinperson made Ange and Ali’s oc, Nozomi, meet and ~fall in love~ *dabs* So, to celebrate it, we did a kind of… collab thing for them?? Ali drew a beautiful fanart of this two and i wrote a short fic about a situation that is connected with it. I hope you’ll like it!!

(Also im tagging @evelinaonline bc she threw this event and also she really wanted to see what was this secret thing i was working on with Ali XD)

***

Ange realised that there is no turning back way too late.

She was pretty chill whole day - hell, she nearly forgot about this whole school prom. Two hours before it, when notification on her phone ringed, she nearly got a heart attack. She had to prepare and, to be honest, she sucked when it came to subject of looks.

She threw nearly most of the things from her closet while looking for a blue dress she bought a few weeks ago. After all, she found it in a washing mashine, all curled up with other clothes. Ange sighed deeply and ironed it as fast as she could, hoping that she won’t burn a hole in it. When she was putting the cloth on, her hands were trembling and she started breathing heavily. Now she regretted every decision she made about this event - signing in being the first one, buying way too high heels being the second, and inviting Nozomi being the third.

At first she thought that this will be great idea. They knew each other for so long, Ange never met someone who would understand her so much and stay with her no matter what… But after they said that they are going there as friends, girl started wondering if she didn’t want to invite him from other reason than “I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

Maybe it wasn’t too late to call him and tell that something happened and she can’t go to the prom. Maybe she could tell that she had an asthma attack and… No, he would still come to see if she’s okay. Maybe she could announce that her father came to visit… Bad idea as well, Karloff lived way too far to randomly come to her. Ange tried to come up with some kind of solution while she was brushing her hair, painting her nails, putting on makeup. She ended up with no ideas and completly awful eyeshades. She accidentally chose the brown ones instead of the silver ones and now she looked like if she played with dirt and didn’t washed her face in few days.

Damnit.

When she did everything in her power to save her image, phone ringed again. She grabbed it with one hand, the other still busy paiting her face, and she didn’t even need to put it up to her ear to hear a loud rock music and even louder voice of a familiar man.

“Ya ready, kid?!” Ronin asked in his usual manner. “We’ll be next to your house in about ten minutes, so I sure hope you are! See ya then!”

And that he hanged off.

Ange sighed and her determination only grew. After she finally finished her makeup, she put on some silver jewelery she kept with her since she had to first move to Ninjago City, and then run away from anacondrai warriors. It was the only thing that reminded her of her mum - a pair of round earrings, long necklace decorated with blue crystals, and three big rings engraved with some strange patterns. She used to have a habit of not going anywhere without them on. Not only from sentiment, though; she knew she could easily change it in deadly weapon in the time of the biggest need.

Luckily, today no one was gonna kill her (besides for her own embarrasment, of course), so she could wear it only for aesthetic reasons.

Ange looked at herself in the mirror and she even smiled. She wasn’t looking half as bad as she thought she would, to be absolutely honest. She still felt way too tall and fragile, but she could even pass as an attractive person! That was an achievement to celebrate, but she had no time to bake a victorious cake and open up the shampain.

She stood in front of the door, holding her phone tight and waiting for a call from either Nozomi or his father, but the first thing she heard was a familiar noise that went through the window.

“Hell no.” Girl mumbled under her breath when she turned around.

Right next to her balcony, floated R.E.X. - huge flying ship that belonged to Ronin. She blushed a bit from both fury and awkwardness, and walked towards it. Her neighbours were gonna look at her strange again.

“We don’t have a whole day!” Ronin yelled when she came close enough to hear his words. “Don’t act like if you are on a walk in a park, come here faster!”

Ange hissed with frustration and moved her hand a bit. Metal bars that surrounded her balcony suddenly changed their place and turned into a bridge for a girl to walk on a ship. She looked around, a little worried that someone saw her - good, no neighbour around. She still felt hella anxious when it came to using her powers around people she didn’t know.

She sat next to Ronin and looked at her right. On his other side was Nozomi, who waved to her awkwardly. His whole face was completly red, like if someone threw tomatoes at him. When Ange smiled and waved back, he started looking a bit more relaxed.

Ronin still hadn’t started flying again - he nodded constantly to the rythm of a very loud, very agressive and very scary (in girl’s opinion) song. This state would last even longer if Nozomi didn’t react.

“Dad”, boy sounded slightly annoyed. “Remember? We have to go.”

“As you said, we don’t have a whole day, sir.” Ange coughed due to how much smoke R.E.X. producted.

“Oh, yeah. Good idea, kiddos.” Ronin cracked a smile and then they started flying so fast that Ange got scared if they won’t end up dying soon. “So. How is this whole art school thing going, girl? I remember a good ol’ times when we didn’t had a time for a stuff like that, I’m telling you. You had to work hard from the day you were born, or you had to start stealing, and you probably know what I chose…”

And it felt like with every word, he got faster and faster.

Ange, who was now not even a little red, but completly pale, looked at her friend over his dad’s shoulder and whispered:

“Can we kill him, please?”

“We don’t know how to fly this thing,” Nozomi shook his head sadly. “We would die sooner than he will kill us.”

It was good that they mastered the art of reading lips movement through all this time. In other case, they wouldnt talk about subject like that near Ronin and, what’s even more important, they couldn’t understand each other. Meanwhile, man was still rambling about how much schools suck when you can become a criminal.

“Oh, didn’t he try to learn you? Maybe you know some basic stuff…”

“You forgot an important part - I don’t want my dad to die!”

“Who are you planning to kill?!” Ronin screamed in their terrified faces after the vehicle stopped in front of a huge building. ‘He turned off the music few seconds ago, so he probably didn’t hear much’, Ange realised and felt a big weight leaving her chest. If she survived this, she will survive tonight’s prom for sure.

“Uuuh…” Nozomi scratched the back of his neck.

“My teacher!” Ange interrupted. “My math teacher, sir.”

“I bet he’s a pain in the ass, huh?” Ronin laughed shortly. “Okay, kiddos, go. Have fun, don’t do drugs, and blablabla. I’ll come and pick you up at 11.”

If a moment ago Ange thought that this was gonna be the easier part of the evening, the fear of what was gonna happen returned when she came out of the ship. She stood in front of her school and Nozomi soon joined her. Everyone from her school, now dressed all elegant, looked at R.E.X. with open mouths. Which meant that they saw her as well. And they saw her with Nozomi.

Even bigger damnit.

“Is everything okay?” Her friend looked at her, seemingly worried. “You look nervous as hell.”

“I always AM nervous as hell, Nozomi.” She answered and then started walking towards the entrace. “It’s not a big deal today, though.”

“I hope so, we came here to… have fun. Or whatever normal teenagers do during proms.” Boy frowned and then blushed. “It’s so strange. I’m not sure if it was a good decision to take me with you, Ange. I’m a terrible dancer and I don’t know anyone here…”

“Hey”, she grabbed his hand. “I asked you to go with me because I know I’ll have fun with you. You are my best friend after all.”

“You forgot to add that I’m your ONLY friend.” Nozomi smiled mischeviously, and then he looked down at their holding hands with a frown. “Hm, won’t they all think that we are dating? You know, holding hands and stuff is usually pretty romantic, as far as I remember from all those movies.”

He laughed, as if he just said a good joke, but girl noticed a growing blush on his face a minute before anxiety hit her.

“Ugh, I-” Ange let go of his hand immediately, feeling a lump in her throat growing and growing. “I’m sorry for that, if I made you feel bad or-”

“I mean, it’s not like I don’t like it or something-” boy grabbed her wrist and looked down. “I just guess that at this point I can stand people looking at me because I’m with a person I’m most comfortable around, and not because I stole something.”

 She wasn’t ready to answer somehow for that and, luckily, she didn’t had to.

They heard a really loud rock music once again, and when they turned around, they saw Ronin running in their direction with a camera.

“I forgot to take a pic of ya two!” He took a few deep breaths and then got camera higher. “Okay so, stand somehow to look nice, and then say "cheese” or some other bullshit… Ready?“

They looked at each other with awkward expressions, but after a minute Ange placed her hand on Nozomi’s back and he wrapped his arm around her waist. Both awfully blushing teenagers tried to put normal smiles on their faces, and without any more word Ronin took a photo.

"Okay, now I’m leaving for real, I promise!” He screamed when he was getting back to his vehicle.

Ange sighed. Maybe this prom won’t be such a tragedy.

[hibisha]

The Ace

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: K (Anime)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Akiyama Himori/Hidaka Akira

Characters: Akiyama Himori, Hidaka Akira, Benzai Yuujirou, Awashima Seri, Gotou Ren

Additional Tags: Crime, AU, Murder Mystery, Romance

Series: Part 2 of

Dire Needs

The Ace

External mirrors:

1.) Fanfiction

2.) AO3

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan. 

04th July, Monday. 

[8:30 AM]

Mondays were just one of those things that made for a very tedious existence.  

The observation was made by a young man staggering through the main entrance of the bureau and collapsing in his work space, glaring at the pile of case files in front of him that needed reviewing and debriefing. Benzai Yujiro had sworn to himself that he would never look at another piece of report for a month but then again, that’s what he swore to himself each weekend as he stuffed some paperwork in his bag to take home with him. Next to him, Kamo Ryuho was sipping coffee and was already flipping through a case, not batting an eye at the gruesome display of bodies before him.  

"I can't believe it's Monday already." Both of them turned to look at their newest recruit, a young red head, drag himself into the room and throw himself into his own chair. "I can't keep doing this every week, my body can't handle the stress." Doumyoji Andy was so far the youngest person in their department and Benzai knew for a fact that Kamo had taken quite the shine to him – the only reason why he offered him a smile instead of a scathing remark with a complimentary eye roll as Benzai was about to do.  

Speaking of new recruits...  

"Weren't we going to get two new members transferring in today?" He mused out loud, thinking back on what the Captain had told them before the weekend. Both his colleagues were about to respond when a sharp click of heels against the marble floor of the place made them all turn around.  

Awashima Seri, the young blonde woman who had replaced Gen Shiotsu as the communication liaison around a week ago, marched straight out of her office and made her way over to them.  

"Gentlemen." Her tone was brusque, eyes going over their desks, disapprovingly taking in all the unfinished files and paperwork. "Has anyone seen Akiyama kun arrive since this morning?" Benzai and Andy, both who had clocked in only moments ago, turned to look at Kamo, who presumably had been there since six am, only because he didn't have any other obligations. The dark haired man shrugged.  

"I haven't seen him, sorry." Awashima nodded, her blue eyes glancing at the large clock hanging on the wall before she turned to Benzai and gave him an almost pleading look.   

"Could you call him and ask him where he is? He was supposed to bring the two new comers from the airport -" Andy let out a small noise and they all turned to look at him as he ducked his head low, face turning a bit pink, "- and he hasn't been picking up any of my calls." Awashima finished, still eyeing Andy suspiciously, the later having dropped a pen and having to dive under his desk to retrieve it. Benzai on his part, kept a straight face until she had left only to have Andy break out into a fit of giggles and even Kamo was trying to hide his amusement behind his hand.  

"Okay you two, knock it off."  

"Akiyama-san. She sent Akiyama san to get the two newbies. From the airport. She sent Akiyama-san to drive them back here from the airport." Andy couldn't even seem to breathe and Benzai almost wished he'd choke on behalf of his best friend. He was about to snap back at them when another soft laugh joined Andy's explosive ones and Benzai looked up to see Fuse approaching them with Enomoto tagging along behind, both holding steaming mugs of coffee and wearing matching grins.  

"Akiyama-san's driving? Alone?" Benzai sighed.  

"I'm sure it's not that bad..." He mumbled, pulling out his phone. Dialing his oldest friend's number, he waited for the line to connect as all the others listened in, showing various levels of interest and amusement.  

Beep. Beep. Beep.  

Click.  

"I'm not lost." 

That's when Andy truly couldn't control himself. The red head bent over, laughing soundly as Fuse joined him and even Enomoto and Kamo let out a small chuckle. "Why are you all laughing, I said I'm not lost!" Akiyama's tone sounded too peeved for Benzai to take those words in account though. "…I just took a wrong turn."  

"Enomoto kun..." The bespectacled man nodded at Benzai, and pulled out his laptop, setting to work on tracing Akiyama's cellphone coordinates. "Akiyama, take a left."  

"...okay but I just want to confirm everyone knows that I'm not lost."  

"Of course you're not lost. How are the two with you?" Benzai added hastily, coughing to drown out the noise of everyone snickering in the background. There was a derisive snort heard from the other end that was so unlike Akiyama that Benzai had to pause and blink for a while before confirming that yes, this was still his best friend's voice. "Akiyama?"  

"One of them had the bright idea for me to let him drive."  

"Alright?" Keeping an eye on the red dot on Enomoto's screen, he quickly added before Akiyama could respond, "Take a right and then just drive straight – you'll get on familiar roads soon."  

"Why is the headquarters so far away?" The other man complained, "Anyways, like I was saying, the car broke down. Twice." Benzai raised his eyebrow, even though the other couldn't see it.  

"Oh?"  

"Yes. It was weird. It just stopped and wouldn't move forward and … it was odd."  

"Okay, just be careful and make it back in one piece alright?"  

"Yes but for the record-"  

"Yes Akiyama, we get it - you weren't lost." 

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan. 

04th July, Monday. 

[9:42 AM] 

"Hidaka Akira and Gotou Ren." The young brunette looked up with bleary eyes as a tall man approached them, "Sorry for the inconvenience. We were unaware of the troubles that could have happened." The fact that the man did not look even the slightest bit sorry – if not anything, he looked a bit amused – made Hidaka almost snipe back. The other man had dark hair, deep violet eyes framed by the delicate frames of his glasses. He wasn't taller than Hidaka yet his presence alone made Hidaka feel smaller. "I'm the section chief and SSA, Munakata Reisi, you must be the two new recruits from Kyoto?"  

Both of them nodded. Munakata san smiled, eyes twinkling behind the lenses.  

"Well the, I'm glad to welcome you to the team. Rest assured, Awashima kun will show you around but for now, why don’t you two just rest. After all, I heard it was quite a taxing ride."  

"It was alright – wasn't it Hidaka san." Gotou smiled at him in his usual demure manner and all the frustration and annoyance that had been building up inside him was calmed down – a bit.  

Gotou was no miracle worker after all.  

"Yeah." He mumbled, "We'll get over it." Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a certain green haired man walking towards the coffee pot and he almost marched straight up to him to tell him exactly why he shouldn't be allowed on roads if he couldn't even follow a GPS map on his phone.  

"Excellent!" Munakata said, clapping his hands together. "Why don't you take some time to familiarize yourself with the place – we haven't had a case today so it’s a slow day."  

"Alright sir." Both of them nodded and in a blink of an eye, Hidaka was in hot pursuit of the short directionally challenged man who had escorted him to the HQ - if you called it an escort.  

What was his name again? Akiyama Himori right? The man had been so focused on getting them back to the bureau that introductions had gone sailing out of the window.  

"Akiya-!" The rest of the words got drowned in his mouth as he saw the look of utter despair and resignation on the other man's face. There was a phone lodged between his ear and shoulder and he was talking very vehemently, the hand that was not holding the coffee mug, was making all sorts of gestures, clearly indicating the other man was highly agitated.  

"-on't do something you'll regret... You know what, fine. Have it your way! We're done!" Grabbing his phone, he angrily cut the call and whirled around only to come face to face with Hidaka who had enough sense of mind to realize he might have witnessed a breakup.  

A rather abrupt and depressing one.  

"It's not polite to eavesdrop on someone else's conversation." Akiyama sniffled out, his hair swept across his face, covering his right eye, making him look rather...adorable for lack of other words. "I don't know where you've transferred in fro-"  

"Oh no, I wasn't eavesdropping! I was here to -" Yes, telling him off about his atrocious navigation skills was really not going to help the other right now so he began searching his mind for an excuse. "-ask you where I could get some coffee!" Akiyama looked at him and then pointedly at the coffee machine that sat right next to Hidaka, innocently doing what it was meant to do – brewing coffee.  

The sudden low chuckle that escaped the other's mouth made him almost cry with relief because really, what the actual fuck. Coffee? Really?  

Thank you brain.  

"It's alright, I wasn't exactly somewhere private or secluded enough to have this conversation." Jamming his hands in his pocket, Hidaka shot him a sympathetic look.  

"Tough day?"  

"You have no idea."  

"Want to talk about it?" A single green eye blinked at him as if he hadn't expected this before a small smile crossed his features, turning them softer and making them look much more meek and mellower than before.  

"It's alright...Hidaka san?" Hidaka grinned.  

"Yup! That's me! Hidaka Akira! I suppose I'm your junior right now!" The small smile on the other's face grew wider and even thought he could still blatantly see the other's misery reflected on his face, he didn't push his luck in trying to make him laugh even more.  

"Well Hidaka san, I hope we get along." Hidaka watched as the shorter of the two made his way to a work bench where he got comfortable and was immediately joined by a group of people, all who were slapping him on his back.  

He also noted how there was now a smile plastered on the man's face.  

 BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan. 

11th August, Monday. 

[8:45 AM] 

"Right guys, since we're all here I'll get started right away." Awashima announced as soon as she waltzed into the conference room. Over the past month, Hidaka had gotten used to the fact that while the curvaceous body looked like it had been in every man's dreams at least once, the woman also possessed quite the sharp tongue that could quite possibly rip you into two if you stared at her chest for longer than absolute necessary - 0.01 seconds to be precise.  

That and she had a boyfriend, who was equally just as terrifying as her.  

Next to him, Gotou merely smiled into his cup of tea.  

Gotou Ren had turned out to be a blessing in disguise for Hidaka. When the young man was looking for an apartment to live in after being randomly evicted from the one he was staying in on his second day because of a very bizarre reason - "You're too tall, you scare our children. We're sorry but could you please find somewhere else to go?" - Gotou had offered him to come live with him in an apartment that his family had owned in the area.  

He also found out that no, Gotou did not smoke pot every morning, he was relatively this calm by nature.  

A tap on his head made him turn to the right just to stare into the disapproving face of Akiyama san, who was staring at him steadily with the one eye that wasn't covered by the mess of his hair.  

"Pay attention." he chided, "Hidaka san, you're going to get yourself into trouble if you keep zoning out like that."  

"Sorry Akiyama san..."  

"It’s alright, just don't make a habit of it. Also, you've been tapping that pen against the desk for a while now, it's getting a bit distracting - could you please stop?"  

Akiyama Himori, Hidaka had discovered, liked everything to be in perfect order. He was always smiling and was the person you went to for advice.  

"Alright Akiyama san, I'll stop distracting you."  

"You'll need to stop existing for that to happen Hidaka san."  

He was also the person who, and here's the part Hidaka didn't understand quite how it had happened, seemed to have started a sort of fake relationship with him where both of them pretended that they were dating.  

As if his life wasn't odd as it was.  

He supposed his constant flirting had been to blame too.  

But he really hadn't expected quiet and shy Akiyama Himori to respond to his subtle remarks with even more highly inappropriate things – all in subtext of course because Akiyama san was going to be inappropriate, that would be improper - that made him think that maybe he was dreaming up the whole thing.  

"Guys!" Benzai admonished them from where he sat, giving them an exasperated look. Akiyama immediately gave him a sweet smile and returned his focus back to the case.  

"Right, we have a series of women abduction cases in Itabashi - so far seven women have gone missing over the past month and two of them just turned up dead - Maki Mamoru and Reiko Masashi. Both strangled, with their hands and feet showing signs of being bound to something."  

"Any signs of sexual assault?" Benzai asked, looking at the file in front of him. Awashima shook her head.  

"None but if you see here around their necks, you'll realize-"  

"The marks come from collars."  

Everyone turned to look at Akiyama, who in turn had gone very pink in the face and mumbled something along the lines of "know from a friend..." Hidaka wondered what kind of company Akiyama liked to keep.  

"Are we sure it's the same guy who kidnapped all seven?" Benzai interrupted, raising his eyebrow, "I mean, it could be possible that some of them aren't related to the case."  

"That's what I thought too except this guy likes to throw a calling card." The screen behind Awashima lit up, revealing an image of a playing card. 

"The Ace of spades?" Hidaka asked, giving a small smile. "How..."  

"Original." Benzai deadpanned from across him. "I'm guessing that's what the media has started calling him."  

"You know, in legend and folklore, it is also known as the death card." Gotou added a bit dreamily. Awashima nodded and sighed.  

"With the captain and half the squad away on a business trip in LA, we're kind of short staffed as well."  

"Don't worry Awashima san." Akiyama said, smiling politely, "I'm sure we can handle it." The blonde woman nodded, her eyes flashing with determination. 

"Indeed we have to, seeing as we don't have a choice. Alright squad let's move out!"  

"Yes!"  

 Middle of nowhere, Tokyo, Japan. 

11th August, Monday. 

[ 09:18 AM]

"Akiyama san, why did you not listen to me when I asked you to let me drive?"  

"I'm. Not. Lost."  

"You're right. We're lost. Both of us." Hidaka couldn't believe his luck. Of all the people who could have driven on the one day he fell asleep in the van, it just had to be Akiyama. The rest had gone ahead in another vehicle and Benzai had explicitly warned him not to let Akiyama take charge.  

And he'd fallen asleep.  

"I didn't want to wake you up! You looked so cute just sleeping there." Flirting aside, the man did look very apologetic and remorseful, so Hidaka supposed he could overlook it.   

"Okay okay, but where are we?"  

"I don't know but-"  

"Okay yes you're not lost I get it. We get it. The world gets it. But that's not going to help us right now." Akiyama pouted and Hidaka felt his heart skip a beat. Or several. "Oth-other than that – we're not getting any cellphone reception here either." Akiyama looked away, looking the absolute picture of misery.  

"I know what you’re thinking and yes, this is why I'm not allowed to drive by myself."   

"...Okay, let's just keep driving till we find some cell phone signals?"  

"You think I'm incapable of driving without a guide."  

"Akiyama san – we are currently in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone reception, no cars within sight – yes I think you are an extremely incapable driver." Seeing the other man opening his mouth looking affronted, he held up a hand, stopping him before he could say anything. "Still, I don't mind being stuck here with you. But we need to find a way back to the others okay?" Akiyama didn't respond or even meet his eyes, opting to tap his fingers against the steering wheel.   

"What?" Hidaka was suddenly filled with realization that just maybe his words could have been taken as a tad bit offensive and he suddenly began to splutter out an explanation. "No, that's not what I meant – I think you're a great driver -"   

"I don’t' mind being stuck with Hidaka san either." The words were mumbled out as if Akiyama wished Hidaka wouldn't hear them. The tall brunette started, a slow and easy grin creeping along his face. Slinging an arm around the other, he poked him in the cheek.   

"Aww Akiyama san is so cute."  

"Remove your arm lest I remove it off for you - permanently." But even as he said it, Hidaka noticed the small smile on the man's face. "Alright, let's start driving, you keep focused on looking for a signal okay?" Hidaka nodded and offered the man a mock salute before the car was revved up began to move down the road.  

 Police Department, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan. 

11th August, Monday. 

[10:45 AM] 

"So how does he get to the girls?" Benzai stared at the whiteboard in front of him, frowning. All of them had arrived about half an hour ago and had just received a message that Akiyama and Hidaka were on their way, after taking a small detour. By detour obviously they meant Akiyama had gotten "not lost" again. Seriously...  

And he had warned the other man to not let Akiyama take charge.  

Benzai loved his best friend but even with him closing his eyes to all his faults, there was just this one thing that he couldn't let go off mostly because he was sure it would end up putting Akiyama in danger one day.  

"Well we figured out that all seven of them had no places they'd ever come across each other except for this one bar." The local head of the PD, Chitose Yo said, reaching out to tap the map pinned on the board. "This place is the only bar around here for miles that offers a single ladies night once a week. Now according to the locals and regulars of the bar, they had seen each of the missing ladies at least once there."  

"So the unsub scopes out single women at the bar and then what?" Gotou asked, cocking his head to the side thoughtfully. "It's not like he can just grab a woman in front of everyone and drag her away."  

"He?" Chitose asked, looking startled, "I assumed it would be a female seeing as the killer manages to watch his victims at a ladies' night." Awashima shook her head, her blonder hair pulled back in a bun.  

"That's what we would have thought too except the woman he abducted last - Haruka Maki was an all-star athlete. It would take a very large person to subdue her."  

"Unless the killer had a gun." Benzai pointed out, "Guns usually make the strongest fall and become compliant. So we’re not ruling it out entirely."  

"It could also be a really tall woman." Relief flooded Benzai's system as he whirled in his seat to stare Akiyama who came striding in with Hidaka on his heels. "Haruka san is strong but what's saying it couldn't be a stronger woman?" Awashima looked thoughtful.  

"Well yes, I suppose that could be it."  

"So we're back to square one.” 

"Let's look at the victimology." Gotou pipped up, "All young women, dark haired, around their late twenties. All of them single and just out to have a good time."  

"Something happens in that party that triggers off our unsub." Awashima added, "And next thing you know, we've got ourselves a new victim." Her blue eyes darkened, forehead wrinkling with worry. "That's all fine and good but why keep them for so long and then kill them? The bodies showed no signs of torture - no defensive wounds or anything. Just the marks on their hands and feet. They were well fed and no signs of being starved or being unkempt. They even had their toenails all trimmed and proper."  

"So the unsub keeps them prisoner, takes care of them and then what? He just kills them?" Hidaka asked, raising his eyebrow. Benzai drummed his fingers against the table absent mindedly.  

"No, something isn't quite right here. We're missing something. We need to go talk to the families and see what they say before we make any deductions." Akiyama suggested from where he was perched on a counter, "There has got to be something that links these women more than just their build and appearances." Awashima nodded.  

"Okay, everyone pick a family and go talk to them. We'll meet back here and discuss what we've found out alright?" Nodding, all of them got to their feet. Benzai made his way to Akiyama.  

"So - what happened?"  

"Well, I took a wrong turn or two. Not my fault, you see, the signs were all very faded and it was hard to decipher one arrow from the other."  

"And Hidaka san?"  

"Oh he fell asleep. But he does look cute when he's snoring so I let him stay pressed up against the window, drooling." Benzai snorted. Akiyama smiled brightly. "I even took pictures!" Benzai just shook his head and reached out to ruffle the already messy hair before him.  

"Don't make me worry like that again."  

"I'm a grown adult-"  

"-with no sense of direction."  

"Still. I can take care of myself and you know it." Benzai snorted again, remembering their training days together in the academy. Akiyama had been known as some sort of silent holy terror. 'His bite is definitely worse than his bark' - the rumor that had drawn him towards the otherwise very silent and sweet looking individual.  

"Well yes, I have no doubt that you can take care of yourself."  

"See? You have nothing to worry about." The smile Akiyama gave him made him not even a little less worried about him. 

"I'm still going to be the one to drop you off where you want to go right now."  

"That is such -"  

"Hidaka san can pick you up."  

"- such a nice idea." Akiyama grinned. His eyes were twinkling mischievously - or eye. The only one he could see anyways. Benzai groaned.  

"You know, you could stop pretending you don't have a crush on him and outright instead."  

"Now where would be the fun in that? Besides, it's not like he ever takes any of my comments seriously..."  

"Well maybe you should openly tell him instead of making a game out of it."  

"He started it! We're just joking around Benzai." The two of them were making their way to where one of the cars they were supposed to be using was parked and Benzai slid into the driver's seat, Akiyama climbing in next to him.  

"Well actually, I think he flirted with you genuinely and now he's confused..."  

"He flirts with everyone!" Akiyama did have a fair point. Hidaka did flirt with everyone - or used to. Except everyone else had just given up while Akiyama had responded and Benzai knew when his best friend had a crush from a mile away. Akiyama on the other hand, was still in denial about the whole thing. Factoring in the last relationship that he had, which had ended rather sourly, it was understandable why Akiyama wouldn’t want to get into another one – his boyfriend had just up and realized one day that he wasn’t gay, something that Benzai couldn’t understand because how on earth do you just, after being in relationship with a man for almost a year, just suddenly realize you weren’t gay? But apparently that was a thing that happened. Which made this all such a huge pointless drama that Benzai wouldn't be surprised it was written by some young college student who liked creating nonexistent complicated messes.  

"Okay look, if by the end of this case you don't tell him, I'm going to do it for you. He may turn you down but then at least you'll know?" Akiyama pouted.  

"Well true enough I suppose. Alright, when we're done with this case, I'll tell him." Benzai smiled as he pulled out of the driveway.  

"That's the Akiyama Himori I know." 

 Mamoru household, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan. 

11th August, Monday. 

[11:30 AM] 

"Good afternoon Yuki Mamoru san, may I come in?" The short brown haired woman nodded and stepped aside to let in Awashima as she flashed her credentials. The blonde woman entered the house and looked around, seeing what you'd find in a normal everyday household. Framed pictures on the walls, a small living room with an attached kitchen and some doors which she assumed were the bedrooms.  

"Ah thank you for speaking with me Yuki-san." she said, bowing her head a bit, "I wanted to ask you a few questions regarding your daughter?" The woman let out a small sniffle but apart from that managed to hold herself together and give her a tiny nod.  

"Okay, did Maki have any enemies? Anyone who'd want to do this to her?" Yuki shook her head aggressively, eyes shining with unshed tears.  

"No, not that I can think of. Maki was an outgoing child - a bit rambunctious but over all a nice kid. She wouldn't hurt a fly and wasn’t bad at heart. I know – I know what everyone says, that Maki – my Maki, probably did something stupid and reckless – and that she d-d-deserv-" Awashima reached out and put a gentle hand on her arm and gave a firm look. 

“Yuki-san, I know this is hard but know that no one blames Maki or thinks she deserved any of this. We will find whoever did this and we will bring him to justice. But I need you to be strong and answer my questions. Can you do that for me?” Yuki nodded, wiping her eyes on her apron. Awashima gave her an encouraging nod. "Alright, you told the police that when Maki didn't return home for a day, you didn't think too much about it until it crossed was about three days later?" Yuki let out a sob and shook her head.  

"You - you probably think I'm a bad mother but I didn't - she would usually spend nights at her boyfriend's house so I didn't - she never listened to me anyways." At this the woman dissolved into tears and Awashima awkwardly reached out to pat her back. The woman finally took a deep breath and managed to calm herself down.  

"She recently just broke up with him too - I should have known. But I thought they made up - they always do. Always." At this she just broke down once more, not even attempting to pull herself together. Awashima, sensing that she was not going to get any more answers out of the woman, got up and bid her farewell. The woman just looked up and gave her a hard stare.  

"Find this person. Find them - save those other girls." Awashima nodded and exited the house. Pulling out her cellphone, she put all of the squad on a conference call.  

"All right Maki Mamoru was a bit of a rough edged girl but she didn't have any enemies. She was recently going through a breakup -"  

"With an on again off again boyfriend?" Benzai interrupted. Awashima blinked.  

"Yes that's exactly-"  

"I think I know what this is all about." came a clipped reply. “Everyone gather at the PD's conference room." Hearing all the others agree and drop the call, the bewildered blonde woman was left wondering what on earth was going on.  

Police Department, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.   

11th August, Monday.   

[01:14 PM]   

"He's targeting women who're single - but not just single. Recent breakups." Benzai pointed out. "Women who are all together with some on again off again romance and by the looks of it, he's telling them that he wants to tie them down - in other words, they should settle down once and for all."  

"Why the girls though?" Hidaka asked, "They aren't the ones who initiated most of these breakups." Awashima frowned.  

“He’s also taking care of them.” She argued, “Doesn’t seem like something a man would do if they were just discipline his victims.” 

“Unless he thinks he’s saving them from that way of life.” Akiyama supplied. “Tie them down and enforce them to not go back – stay with him who treats them so kindly?” 

"Maybe something to do with his own past?"  Gotou pipped up from where he was sitting, "Either way, I think I have a plan on how to catch this guy."  

"How?" Chitose asked, looking confused. Gotou smiled mysteriously.  

"All we need, is some insider's information."  

Raven’s Heart, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.  

12th August, Tuesday.  

[9:45 PM]  

“I still say this is a highly bad idea.” Hidaka muttered under his breath as the two slipped into the bar, wearing tuxedos. Akiyama shrugged, looking around cautiously. Zeroing in on Dewa Masaomi from a distance, he nodded to Hidaka.  

“There.” Hidaka turned to look at the quiet dark haired man, just sitting there quietly, sipping vodka and scoffed.   

“You have got to be kidding me – that’s our informant?” Akiyama shrugged. It appeared he was a close friend of the local PD head so what was the point on commenting. Not that Akiyama was going to deny that the man looked way too different to be a friend of what Akiyama had established on first sight, a very flashy police officer.  

“Well, he’s our best lead. He’s going to be the one who helps us identify who’s a regular here and who’s not.”  

“And we’re looking for a regular?”  

“Yes, because the unsub needs to visit a lot to know everything about the victims as he did.” Akiyama signaled the informant with his head and the man gave them a long hard look before very subtly pointing in the direction of the bar, where a small group of women were hanging off the arm of a dark suited man, giggling and batting their eyelashes. Next to him, Hidaka whistled softly.  

“Check out that girl’s ra-oof!” a sharp elbow in his side made the rest of his words die in his throat as he found at the end of a highly disapproving glare. As the other was apologizing profusely, Akiyama began to recall the plan in his head.  

Grab a drink and go make small talk.  

How hard could it be? Smiling, he picked up two glasses of cheap wine off a passing waiter and handed it to Hidaka. It was going to be as simple as baking a cake. 

Swank Motel, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.  

13th August, Wednesday.  

[3:55 AM]  

"You have got to be kidding me." Hidaka stared at the dress in absolute horror and then at the man holding it up, smiling rather smugly.  

"No Akiyama san, I can't-"  

"But you promised." Hidaka swore internally - Akiyama seemed to have discovered some internal weakness of his which was basically making the worst sad puppy dog face you could manage to pull off. And he was getting too good at them. Or he was always good at them - fuck.  

"I was drunk!"  

"Promised." The man in front of him wasn’t giving up though. The plan, the night before, had gone horribly wrong. The two of them had been doing a stake out in a bar, like they had been originally assigned to do, all the while keeping close to one of the only suspects they had. While he had ordered more drinks with the suspect so they could all drink, Akiyama had severely overestimated Hidaka’s ability to hold liquor. Two drinks in and he was blabbering nonsense and Akiyama had to hurry him away in case he accidentally blew their cover. Amidst all that, at one point there had been a conversation that Hidaka could only vaguely recall.  

"Akiyama san is really pretty."  

"What?"  

"Like lots an' lots of pretty. Bet you'd look even more pretty in a dress."  

"Hidaka san you're starting to go incoherent and you clearly cannot think straight."  

"Can't ever think straight around you."  

After that was a huge gap in his memory and he remembered nothing except when he woke up, Akiyama was grinning at him and telling him he had promised to wear a dress - for him. Hidaka was willing to bet his life on the fact he hadn't promised any such thing but Akiyama was persistent and so here they were.  

"Look, if I promise to wear the dress, can we just leave?"  

“You already promised to wear a dress. And yes, you can leave wearing the dress."  

Really, why was it always Hidaka's job to deal with this?   

"Okay, but I'm not entering the hotel in those clothes - just till we reach the police station then I'm changing in the back of the van. Got it?" The green eyes in front of him blinked.  

"Alright, whatever Hidaka-san feels comfortable with."  

"I feel comfortable in my own clothes." Hidaka couldn't help but put in a tad bit desperately.  

"Not that comfortable." Really, Akiyama Himori was a demon. 

Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.  

13th August, Wednesday.  

[5:30 AM]  

"I see, thank you Awashima san." Disconnecting the call, Hidaka turned to look at Akiyama, who was keeping his one eye focused on the road. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Hidaka wondered if that was the reason why he was always getting lost but discarded it. Sitting there in a sparkly pink dress, with his hair done up in a clump of pony tail, he hardly was in any position to say anything.  

"You make a lovely woman Hidaka san." The corner of Akiyama’s lips was twitching and Hidaka had the painful urge to punch him straight in the mouth. 

“Why thank you, I really work hard on this body.” 

“Lets put it up on display next time in the conference room alright?” 

"Shut up, Awashima-san said we should meet her at the bar so you’re going to have to turn around. I'll go change in the back." He looked around him to see if his original clothes were there but he was unable to spot them and figured they were probably in the back.  

"Isn't in convenient we took the van?"  

"...I don't know how but you planned this somehow."  

“I did not.” 

“Where did you even find the dress?” 

“I bought it while you were knocked out. Two drinks might I add – just how weak are you? Can’t keep going for more than two rounds.” 

“I am not in the mood for this right now.” 

"I don't know what you’re talking about.” Really, it would be so much easier to believe him if only he hadn’t been smirking when he said that. As Akiyama turned the van around, Hidaka clambered behind to the back and began to look for his clothes.  

“Akiyama san, where did you keep my clothes?”   

“Oh, they’re in the black bag.” The other man said, trying to keep his mind on where they were going.  

“What black bag?” That got him a response. Akiyama turned to give him an incredulous look, before immediately facing the front again.  

“The one I told you to pick up on from the bed!” The small note of panic in Akiyama’s voice filled Hidaka with dread. The man was serious…  

They had left his fucking clothes at the fucking motel!  

“Let’s not panic.” Akiyama finally managed to voice out and Hidaka wanted so badly to snap at him that no, he was going to panic because Akiyama wasn’t the one in the dress. He wasn’t the one everyone would see in the dress and the ridiculous makeup and hairdo. Akiyama san wouldn’t be the one going to get off the van looking like some trashy version of a one night stand from a nightmare in hell. Angrily, he was about to turn and tell off the man when he saw the dazed look on his face.  

No. He had only taken his eyes off for 15 minutes. Surely…  

“Hidaka san..." His tone was fearful.

"Yes?" So was Hidaka's if he was completely honest.  

"Don't get angry - we’re not lost but-“ Hidaka just closed his eyes and moaned.  

"Fucking hell Akiyama san, just keep driving, we'll find some place -" 

"And we're also out of gas," The car stopped. 

"Okay look, I'll go and look for help, why don't you stay in this van and I'll return with some clothes too?" His soothing tone of voice did nothing to placate Hidaka's anger but the idea was appealing so he nodded. Akiyama smiled, looking a bit relieved that Hidaka was at last talking to him now. Well, nodding at him – he still wasn't talking 

"Okay, I'll just walk straight and hopefully someone will pick me up and then we can go back okay?" Hidaka nodded again, still too busy sulking to care about what was going on. Watching Akiyama's disappearing back, he was suddenly struck with a horrible thought. 

"Oh fuck, did I really just send Akiyama san out alone?" 

Yeah he was most definitely screwed. 

An hour. 

It had been an hour since Akiyama left and now Hidaka was sure he was hopelessly lost –Hidaka could just see him muttering "I'm not lost" over and over again and the thought would have been funny had the situation not been so dire. Not only was he stranded, Akiyama had taken the keys with him so he didn't have much of a choice but to stay put. Looking out of the van miserably, he was just about to fuck it all and go to sleep, when he saw a sleek black jeep pull in next to him. 

A raven haired head poked out and Hidaka felt his breath get knocked out at the sight of the beautiful woman. 

"Hey girl, you lost?" 

Girl. She thought Hidaka was a girl. Hidaka wondered if this was a good or a bad thing – he certainly wouldn't mind anyone's help right now but- 

"I'm waiting for my uuhh boyfriend to come back – he kind of went to get help." 

And now I need to find a way to get us both help.  

"Oh – do you need a ride?" The woman smiled gently, tilting her head. "We can leave a note here, get you somewhere safe and have your boyfriend comeback and pick you up later." That was actually a very good idea. Hidaka smiled. 

"Thank you uuuh..." 

"Maria. Mari Yubikiri."

Police Department, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan. 

14th August, Thursday. 

[1:32 PM] 

"I shouldn't have left him there." 

“Akiyama san, it isn’t your fault.” Gotou said, casting a worried look towards Awashima who shook her head a bit, indicating she did not know how to calm the man down. Hidaka had been missing for well over twenty-four hours and counting. Akiyama had returned to find the van empty with just a note saying Hidaka had found a ride and was getting help and that Akiyama should stay next to the car. Except Akiyama had already found help and had returned with Benzai but Hidaka never came back. 

And there, in the seat, was the card. 

The Ace of spades. 

“Akiyama, I know you think you didn’t see anything. But you have got to think hard. You probably do remember things but we both know how panic makes someone over look things that are usually very important.” Akiyama frowned. 

“Girl.” 

“What?” 

“Hidaka was dressed up like a girl.” Ignoring the shocked looks of various faces, he jumped to his feet, pacing back and forth. “While me and Benzai were on our way back, I saw a black jeep drive past. I didn’t think much about it but – that road is kind of not used at all isn’t it? On top of that, Hidaka wouldn’t be so stupid that he’d just climb into the car with some random man. A woman on the other hand...” He turned to face Benzai. “It has to be woman who took him.” 

“That fits our earlier profile too.” Awashima added, looking thoughtful. “And it also makes sense why she would target women who were in and out of relationships. Taking care of them until something happens to trigger her off.” 

“She’s asking them to stop returning to their boyfriends.” This came from Gotou, who was frowning slightly, “That’s what the chain and binding are for – keep them from going back." 

"Ace of spades." Akiyama said, his eyes getting brighter and brighter, body shaking a bit. "Not King. Not Queen. Ace. A King represents a male role that she doesn’t want to assume and the Queen is usually signified in the game as of less value than the King. She doesn’t want that title either. An Ace on the other hand – it beats them both. The Ace of spades is traditionally the highest card in the deck of playing cards.” 

“That would also explain the lack of sexual assault and the way she kept them healthy and well taken care of. She probably had some bad relationship in the past and never got over it. So she’s helping women who she feels are in similar situations as her. Forces them into accepting that they don't need the men in their lives.” Benzai added softly. A sudden thought made them all freeze and Chitose was the one to voice it out. 

“So what happens when she finds out Hidaka’s a guy?” 

Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.   

14th August, Thursday.   

[07:55 PM]   

This was a bad situation.  

A very very bad situation.  

In retrospect, Hidaka knew he couldn’t really blame Akiyama san but it was really much easier blaming him than having to think about anything else in this situation. After he had gotten into the vehicle with Maria – if that was truly her real name – she had blitz attacked him and injected him with something that had made him unconscious till he had come round to see himself bound to a bed. Next to him was a row of beds, each containing a quiet terrified looking woman. Five to be exact. 

The missing women. Something inside him swelled in relief at seeing all of them unharmed if not looking terrified and teary. But they were alright. All of them were fine. 

Him on the other hand… 

He looked down at his feet which were bound to the bed by a single long rope. Looking up, he could detect collars around the necks of the other prisoners, which were chained to their respective bedding.   

Hence, the bad situation. Maria had come in minutes ago to tell them all it was time for all of them to get ready for bed. Hidaka didn’t know how long he had been knocked out for but it was already the whole of the next day had passed and it was night time again and he had a sinking suspicion that no one really knew what had happened to him. 

Shit this was a really really bad situation.  

He should really consider himself lucky that she hadn’t decided to change his clothes while he slept or else she might have murdered him in his sleep. 

“You, come with me.” He looked up to see Maria smiling at him. Gulping, he got to his feet and wondered how hard it would be to overpower a woman. But then he remembered the athlete and the fact that this woman had single handedly carried him up here and groaned. Of course, the one time he got caught, it had to be some woman with near inhuman strength. Maria knelt down and undid the rope and even then Hidaka knew making a run for it would be bad. For one, he didn’t even know if she had a gun or not. 

Following her out of the room, he found himself facing an empty changing room.   

“Here.” Looking down, he was startled to have some clothes suddenly pushed onto him. “Wear these.” Looking at the clothes then at the smiling woman, he could feel realization dawning upon him. Slowly, bits and pieces of the story were coming together and he finally could make out the bigger picture.  

So that’s what’s going on… 

“Why thank you,” he managed to keep his voice high enough to pass off as a gruff woman, “I didn’t know what I’d be sleeping in.” If he could just keep her believing he was a woman till –  

Till what?  

It wasn’t as if anyone knew where he was. 

Thus no one was coming to save him – he was on his own. 

Maria must have read the depression on his face a bit differently because she rested her hand on his cheek and lowered it a bit to stare into his eyes.  

“It’s alright – you don’t have to go back to him. He’s only going to hurt you. Just stay here until you know how to be your own person again.” Hidaka’s mind was whirling with a thousand questions but he chose to stay quiet. Mostly because he knew this wasn’t going to help him. The woman’s razor sharp nails cut him a bit on his cheek and he watched as she smiled at the sight.  

Fucking psycho.  

“Go wash your face – then I’ll take you to your bed. You’ll stay here where it’s safe.” She urged and Hidaka shook his head. Take off the hideous make up? The only thing that was keeping him from being exposed? For one thing, he couldn’t believe Maria still thought he was a woman. Mostly because no matter how you’d look at it, Hidaka wasn’t in any form or shape feminine. Now Akiyama on the other hand-  

Okay that’s too much think about Akiyama and less thinking about how to get out of there. Looking around, he spotted a small window in the corner of the room. Analyzing it in his head, he mentally made a few calculations. It would be a tight squeeze but maybe he could just-  

No, it wasn’t possible. 

Miserably, he turned to look back at her. Maria smiles sweetly and he felt a trill of danger run through him.  

“I don’t like taking my makeup off, it completes me.” He had seen some girl use this line in a TV drama once, whatever it meant. He must have said the right thing because Maria smiled at him, shaking her head softly but not exactly forcing him either. Leaving him alone, she shut the door behind her to give him – her? – privacy to change. In a flash, he was next to the window, trying to open it. If not anything he could always yell out for help.  

It wasn’t like he had any other options. 

“What are you doing.” It wasn’t a question. She knew exactly what he was doing. Turning around, he all but shook with fear as she stood there in the doorway, holding long rope. “This is truly disheartening – and here I thought we could have been friends… You men only lie. Lying, deceitful little creatures you are.” The blood in his veins froze. She knew. Maria let out a small laugh. "Oh what? You thought I would see past your pathetic disguise?" Hidaka shook his head. Well, if he was going to die, might as well not give her the satisfaction of knowing she frightened him – even if she did just a bit.  

“We’re not friends. You’re just a psychopath who likes to abduct people and kill them under the pretense of looking out for them.” Something in him made him keep speaking even though it was very ill advised in his current situation. “You cover your own guilt by saying you’re keeping them safe but you’re not – you’re just like every other guy who kept them prisoner – no you’re worse. They just did it emotionally; you’re doing it physically. You’re nothing but hypocrite Maria Yubikiri!”  

The woman let out a snarl and pounced on him. Hidaka struggled against her, but discovered soon, that her petite frame was only a misleading cover to a ferociously strong body. As she pinned him to the ground, he stared at the ceiling.  

Huh. So this is how it ends then.  

Really, he had so much left to do. He hadn’t even called him mum in a long while now. What had it been – a month? Two?   

The hands round his neck tightened and dark spots began dancing in his field of vision. His chest heaved trying to get some oxygen in as he scratched at her hands hoping to get her to let go. 

If only-  

“Let go of my boyfriend, you crazy bitch!” The last thing he saw before he blacked out was tiny blur of green yank the body off of him and with a smile, Hidaka’s consciousness faded to black. 

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan.  

16th August, Saturday.  

[8:30 PM]  

“So how did you guys even find me?” Hidaka asked, rubbing his throat a bit. The marks were still there, scars where her nails had bit into his skin and made him bleed. The darkening bruise across his tanned skin would take days to heal but Hidaka knew it would disappear sooner than later and this whole business would be behind them. Benzai coughed. 

“Well once we realized it was a woman with a black jeep, the rest was easy. We just looked up every woman in the area who owned one and fit the description of the victims. Maria Yubikiri lit up like a beacon. Her own relationship had gone south and she had killed her ex-boyfriend but the charges against her were dropped since the boyfriend was such a douche. She had been in and out of therapy. She was such a cluster fuck of problems that you could just tell from a mile away were trouble.” Hidaka nodded. They had all just returned to the headquarters, him being finally released from the hospital after many threats and angry outbursts. 

Really, he hadn’t even been in that bad a shape. 

To top it all off – 

His eyes found themselves fixed on a certain figure that was discreetly trying to leave in the background. A small push made him stumble forward and he barely manage to catch himself, turning to look at Benzai, confused. 

“Just go ask him out properly, you both are giving the entire team a head ache with your constant tip toeing around each other." Behind him Gotou nodded savagely while even Awashima made a shrugging motion with her shoulders. Hidaka turned to look back at the figure only to realize it was gone. He quickly bid the other goodbye before sprinting out after the other man. 

Really, they were going to see each other the next day – he shouldn't really make such an effort right now. But something inside him told him it was either now or never. 

Spotting his desired company walking ahead, he smirked and grabbed him by the shoulder- 

And found himself lying on his back, his body screaming in agony and stars floating in front of his eyes. 

"Oh my God, Hidaka san!" Akiyama's horrified voice pulled him back into the world of the coherent and Akiyama helped him sit up. "I thought someone was attacking me so I just -" 

"I always knew you were the ones who could make me see stars in their eyes." 

"You really do have a concussion don't you, wait, I'll go get help. I should probably call the ambulance – you need to go back to the hospital." 

"NO!" Hidaka's body jerked in an upright position. Akiyama blinked. 

"Alright then, I'll just leave you here to die then See if I care." He huffed, getting to his feet. Hidaka followed suit even thought he was sure he had dislocated some of his vertebrae. Groaning, he held up a hand, silently asking the other man to stop which he thankfully did. Hidaka inwardly rejoiced because he really didn't think he could run after someone right now. 

Fucking hurts like bloody murder. 

"Okay no, I needed to ask you something." Akiyama paused, a bit of pink dusting his cheeks. Before Hidaka could get even two words in, the man was rambling on, not paying attention to what the brunette wanted to say. 

"If this is about that boyfriend comment, I acted without thinking – I was in a panic -" 

"Akiyama san..." 

"So you can't actually blame me -" 

"Akiyama san." 

"Besides, do you realize how worried you had made all of us -" 

"Akiyama san." 

"Always doing careless things. I mean, who just -"  

Hidaka just kissed him to get him to shut up. Which did work – until he pulled away because then Akiyama was all up in his face. 

"What was that?" 

"Well I'm not sure what they call this in your home planet – but here it's called a kiss Akiyama san." 

"Why?" 

"Well you kept talking and not listening -" 

"Oh so you did kiss me only to make me quiet." 

"What? No, That's not -" 

"I'm sorry." Hidaka blinked. His mind couldn't keep up with the conversation and he vaguely wondered if there had been a bit of a time skip here. 

"Excuse you?" 

"I'm sorry." Akiyama repeated, looking away. "That day – it was my fault." Hidaka's eyes widened comically and he raised his hands, waving them frantically in front of him. 

"No no, it wasn't your fault. Really." 

"No it's – Hidaka san made no such promise." The low mumble made Hidaka stop and stare, a bit bewildered by the small confession. Confession to what exactly, he did not know. 

"What?" Again, there was probably something he skipped - he was missing something majorly important, he was sure of it - 

"Hidaka san never promised to wear a dress - I made that up." Hidaka stared. And stared, He opened his mouth to say something but really, nothing came out. 

"Ah." 

What else could he say? Anything he wanted to say was highly wrong in the current atmosphere. 

You're here to tell him you love him. You're here to tell him you love him. You're here to tell him you love him. 

"Please don't be mad, I thought you'd look really cute." Hidaka stared at the other man, incredulity spreading across his face.  

"Akiyama san?" 

"Yes?" The words were a tiny squeak as if he expected Hidaka to yell at him. He didn't though. 

"It's a good thing I love you otherwise I might have just murdered you right now." Akiyama's eyes widened only for a fraction before Hidaka found himself being on the receiving end of a very long – and possibly bone crushing – hug. 

Yup definitely slipped a backbone or two. he thought wincing slightly. But it was worth it though. Akiyama pulled away and began to dig around in his bag. 

"I planned on giving you this tomorrow, as an apology, but here." Hidaka stared at the wooden box in surprise and blinked, looking at Akiyama then at the box and then back again. Akiyama nudged him. "Well, don't leave me standing here like an idiot. Just take it." Hidaka nodded. Opening the box he stared at the contents in surprise. 

"Ah." Once again rendered speechless, he held up the wooden pen in the light, admiring the way the light reflected off the polished surface and the intricate pattern carved in. Akiyama shrugged. 

"I really didn't know what else to get, I'm not good with-" 

"Thank you Akiyama san." Hidaka cut in, placing his gift back in the box, "It looks really nice." Akiyama blushed again. Hidaka came to the conclusion he liked seeing Akiyama blush. 

"Yes well, you did get kidnapped and all so I suppose it's the least I could do." He ducked his head and Hidaka grinned. 

"You can also go out for dinner with me." Akiyama looked at him blankly then at his wrist watch. 

"Well, I guess it's not that late." He finally receded. Hidaka grinned. 

"Great, I just recently found this amazing diner-" 

"A diner? On our first date? I would have at least expected a gourmet meal."  

"It was a very last minute thing Akiyama san, I'm sorry I couldn't arrange for the flowers." 

"That's no excuse, I want my flowers." 

“Well if you want those flowers so badly, maybe you should ask me out on a date.” 

“Why would I do that? Then I’d have to buy you flowers.” 

“Akiyama san…”