#haneul > musings.

[youthslost]

5 songs you associate with / remind you of your muse - lee haneul edition! ( tw: child abuse mentions, homophobia mentions, religious trauma mention )

family line - conan gray

❝ It's hard to put it into words How the holidays will always hurt I watch the fathers with their little girls And wonder what I did to deserve this How could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you 'Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me. ❞

star tripping - kevin atwater

❝ I could get in trouble for this I'm falling for a boy Who thinks that falling's a sin Hurt you like a kid Said something mean Just to say that I said it You think He made you wrong I think you give Him way too much credit. ❞

heaven - troye sivan ft. betty who

❝ Without losing a piece of me How do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me How do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh So if I'm losing a piece of me Maybe I don't want heaven. ❞

that's what i want - lil nas x

❝ I want someone who love me I need someone who needs me 'Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love, that's what I fucking want. ❞

super shy - new jeans

❝ You don't even know my name, do ya? You don't even know my name, do ya? I'm super shy, super shy But wait a minute while I make you mine, make you mine I'm all nervous 'cause you're on my mind all the time I wanna tell you but I'm super shy, super shy. ❞

tagged by: stolen >:3 tagging: @hatesdogs @byanyan @lee-sol

[xofbenevolencex]

closed starter for @lovclyboys

location: the royal theatre

Haneul didn't go out often, unless he had nothing better to do, and this was one of those nights. One of his closest friends had bought him tickets to the local theatre, even though he knew he wasn't always a fan, but he could never say no. Watching the show in front of him, he tries his best not to fall asleep. "I have always wondered why these Shakespeare plays are so long.." He speaks, not to anyone in particular. "It amazes me that no one's fallen asleep yet."

[purplemccns]

soundtrack for star and haneul pls <3

send me “ soundtrack ” and i’ll tell you the song that plays when ours muses are on screen together // Accepting !

Zedd - Clarity ft. Foxes

Don't speak as I try to leave 'Cause we both know what we'll choose If you pull, then I'll push too deep And I'll fall right back to you

[inkshadow]

[ desires ] / [ intimacy ] / [ oral ] [ haneul! ]

[ desires ] ― what turns them on? what do they like to have done to them most? what do they like to do to their partner most?

haneul is very attracted to confidence — someone who knows what they want and can assure her that they can give her what she wants also. enjoys a bit of power play in the bedroom, push and pull of who is on top and who is giving/taking. she's not exactly one to just lay there and take it, actually finds it more enjoyable if both her and her partner end up laughing about something and not taking it all too seriously. jumping ahead a bit, she loves receiving head most and, in typical brat fashion, likes to edge her partner a bit.

[ intimacy ] ― how are they during sex? do they prefer a more intimate / romantic approach or a more casual one?

definitely a more casual approach at the moment because that's all she's ever really known. there are very few people in her life that she considers intimate even on a close-friend level so she's had zero in the "intimate/romantic" category when it comes to partners. with a packed schedule, her casual flings definitely don't last longer than they need to be and she certainly doesn't take the time to address aftercare or anything of that nature. when she's finally with that person though? i think she'd like to try intimate once — probably after an important event or milestone so she can have the opportunity to really show them what they mean to her.

[ oral ] ― do they prefer to give or receive oral? anything specific they enjoy / don't enjoy when it comes to oral?

both certainly apply here but she loves receiving it. will likely give some stupid comment about how only special people deserve her mouth blah blah but receiving is a whole other ballpark. loves looking at her partner between her legs, running her fingers through their hair. she's not really opposed to anything while they're down there with their mouth on her, will happily take it all :)

[levantcr]

jang   wonyoung,   lesbian   demisexual,   cisfemale,   she/her. ♡ now   entering   the   apartment   building   is son   haneul, a twenty year   old   who   is   currently an  ex-idol   trainee. netizens   have   said   they   seem self-centered but   others   have   said   they’re  dedicated !   gossip   aside,   we’re   sure   they’re   bound   to   be   a   fan   favorite   ! 

background.

born and raised in seoul. hanuel wanted to become an idol from as little as eleven years old. watching the groups around at the time she was growing up she used to learn the dances as a little preteen. picked up as a trainee when she was fourteen, she spent three years training before she was selected by her company to compete on a survival show. however she was eliminated in the final episode.

after she failed to debut, she was caught in a scandal regarding her sexuality. the company dropped her almost immediately. she spent a year just relaxing at home with her family after the survival show.

when she heard about seoulmates she decided to take the opportunity. wanting to become successful still as an idol while being publicly out as a lesbian. the show being geared towards lesbians would likely attract the people that she needed to support her in her career after the show.

personality.

earning the reputation of being self centered came from haneul's time on the survival show. being a leader was never something that she had in her idea of her future as an idol so she had kept to herself a little. especially when it came to helping the other trainee's in learning the songs and choreographies. though haneul will keep herself first if it benefits her.

with a goal set for herself haneul will not stop going for that goal. that is the exact reason that she signed up for the show. just a means to help grow her career as an idol.

connections.

friends: could be from school, from also being a trainee, and of course new friends made on the show.

crush: someone that she immediately was like i want to talk to them.

scandal partner: it'd be cool if the other party in her scandal also was a part of the show..

[scftlightz]

one again! thanks to sons of anarchy i lowkey made a bike club with some muses connected.

keith yun . 33 . president of the asphalt reapers ( bike club ) and founding 5 member . chri.stian y.u

haneul heo . 27 . vice president of tar . ch.a eunw.oo

tea salonga . 30 . loyal member and founding 5 of tar . ma.ris ra.cal

[bxnqchxn]

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠

❝ When it comes to death, you are mine. ❞

Read before interacting

✧.* Rules ✧.* Character ✧.* Muse Navigation ✧.* Interaction

✧.* BANGCHAN…

— interested in @levantcrs jisoo

Disclaimer: This bot contains dark themes associated with mafia concepts such as: violence, death, torture, and guns. This bot also contains sexual themes; if you are not comfortable with these or are under the age of 19 then do not interact.

[ramenstation]

                 ◜  haneul kang  ◞ 

◖ɪɴꜰᴏ◗

› personaje no exclusivo. › pinterest › mar, 09 ( 23-26 años ). › estudiante ( art major, theta pi delta member, school radio ), tatuador. › bio bajo read more.

◖ᴛᴀɢ ᴅᴜᴍᴘ◗

◜haneul kang◞ , ◜haneul kang › int◞ , ◜haneul kang › album◞ , ◜haneul kang › likes◞ , ◜haneul kang › aesthetic◞ , ◜haneul kang › musings◞ , ◜haneul kang › potential plot◞ , ◜haneul ↺ name◞​ , ◜◞

◖ᴅᴀᴛᴏꜱ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟᴇꜱ◗

◦ walking heartbreak. ◦ business meeting avoider. ◦ crisis drinker.

.

( + ) leal, cordial, trabajador. ( – ) complaciente, inexpresivo, timido.

perfil psicológico:

No es el mejor expresándose, pero el arte y las sesiones de terapia le han ayudado a trabajar en ello. Puede que no sea el primero en aceptar cuando necesita a alguien, pero es el primero en ofrecer ayuda cuando los demás la necesitan. A sus veintitrés años, Ha-neul aún sigue trabajando en ciertos límites de su nobleza, ha aprendido a ser firme hasta consigo mismo sobre lo que quiere, pero de vez en cuando es algo que se tiene que recordar. “Kang Ha-neul es igual de importante que otros.” “Kang Ha-neul, tú puedes

.

Kang Ha-neul. Nacido en Montpelier como el más joven de una familia coreana conformada por un padre empresario, una madre encargada del cuidado de su hogar y un hermano mayor que él por seis años.

La diferencia de edad entre el mayor y Ha-neul siempre fue notoria, por lo que su relación nunca ha sido la mejor de todas y sus intereses siempre algo distintos. Sin embargo, las comparaciones entre ambos eran inexistentes por parte de sus padres y la única rivalidad era sobre quién podía llevar a sus amigos a casa qué días.

Entre las lecciones del instituto, las nuevas experiencias y las tomas de decisiones importantes para el futuro, fue cuando su nobleza comenzó a salirse de control sin que se diera cuenta. Siempre había sido bastante bueno cuando se trataba de poner a los demás antes que a él y ocultar sus sentimientos. tomaba elecciones basándose en todo momento en lo que los demás esperaban de él y en qué era lo mejor para ellos, sin importar que esto significaba poner sus propios intereses y prioridades a un lado. Por ello, cuando el momento llegó, decidió que estudiar negocios internacionales era lo indicado; lo que probablemente su padre esperaba de él y lo mejor para el futuro de la empresa familiar.

Y fue entonces cuando todo comenzó a ir cuesta abajo.

A sus dieciocho años, las constantes visitas a los clubes y bares de la ciudad en la oscuridad de la noche se volvieron su manera de distracción para lo que se convertía poco a poco en una vida deplorable y un futuro aún peor. Lo que más le gustaba de sus aventuras nocturnas no eran las bebidas alcohólicas ni los rollos de una noche que le ayudaban a lidiar con su constante tristeza y sentimiento de soledad, sino las visitas a los estudios de tatuajes a las afueras de la ciudad. Porque claro, nunca falta alguien con delirios de gánster o lo suficientemente borracho para marcar su piel permanentemente.

La razón por la que Ha-neul se volvió fanático de asistir a dichos lugares fue la estética y las formas de expresar distintas cosas de mil maneras diferentes, lo cual en ocasiones se podía volver abrumador pero que sin embargo era bello e interesante para él. Claro que no era su primer encuentro con el arte, su familia solía asistir a exposiciones de vez en cuando e inclusive durante su adolescencia tomó clases de pintura como su programa opcional, pero a pesar de esto no existía un particular interés hacia la disciplina por parte del joven; no hasta que se vio atrapado en la constante apreciación por los diseños en paredes, papeles y pieles, y por las historias que había detrás de estos, el porqué habían sido creados y como.

El descubrimiento de su atracción al arte le hacía sentir una alegría inmensa que en aquellos días podía sólo ser provocada ( crush ). y entonces, el joven Kang tomó una determinación para su propio bienestar, la primera después de muchos años: no entraría al segundo semestre de la carrera y se iría a Nueva York a probar suerte.

Su plan, claro, era que ( crush ) le acompañase, era el momento indicado para comenzar algo más allá de una amistad, pero esto no pasó y se limitó a aceptar que era hora de dejarlo todo atrás, inclusive a su mejor amistad y primer amor, para emprender camino con su propia compañía y unos cuantos utensilios de arte que había comprado con sus ahorros.

Era como si existiera alguna regla que dijese que Kang Ha-neul nunca podría tener todo lo que quisiera, ¿acaso esta vez era el karma por solo pensar en él?. Dicha pregunta rondó su cabeza por los siguientes días, desde el momento en el que abordó el transporte que lo llevaría a su destino, de camino a entregar su solicitud de empleo a la tienda de tatuajes una semana después de su llegada y sobre todo dos años más adelante en el momento que recibió la noticia sobre la muerte de su padre.

Asistir al funeral para dar el último adiós a su padre fue duro, aún más que irse a probar suerte a un lugar desconocido, pero nada se comparaba con tener que sentarse en una sala privada con su madre, hermano y el abogado de su padre para la lectura de testamento. Con su partida meses atrás, Han-neul se había hecho a la idea de no recibir nada más por parte de sus progenitores, no sentía siquiera que lo mereciera después de haber partido sin decirles nada, pero el señor Kang no era tan duro como la mayoría pensaba, tenía un gran corazón cuando se trataba de sus hijos y esposa, además de diferentes contactos quienes le ayudaron a encontrar al menor pocas semanas después de su partida y seguir al pendiente de su vida.

Las herencias fueron repartidas respectivamente; su madre contaba ahora con el treinta por ciento de la empresa, el primogénito con cuarenta y Ha-neul con treinta y una carta al puño y letra de su fallecido padre donde le explicaba las decisiones tomadas en su testamento.

Era justo que su esposa se quedara con algo después de apoyarlo tantos años, aguantando sus charlas sobre números y contratos, al igual que asistir a reuniones sociales por el beneficio de la empresa. Estaba seguro que en un par de años tomaría la iniciativa de vender gran parte de ellas a su hijo mayor, quien aparentemente era el único que compartía su interés por los negocios. Podría haberle entregado todo desde un principio, pero algo sobre “acostumbrarse al peso de la corona” le dijo que lo hiciera de aquella manera.

Las metáforas del empresario quedarían siempre en la memoria de Ha-neul.

Por otro lado, estaba consciente del escaso afecto que el menor tenía hacía los negocios, era un hombre atento e inteligente después de todo, y por eso mismo le heredó parte de la empresa. Uno de los sueños del matrimonio era que sus hijos se graduasen, no importaba en qué, y con los ingresos que obtendría siendo dueño del treinta por ciento le sería suficiente para pagar la carrera universitaria que desease, vivir cómodamente y “conseguir instrumentos”.

¿Otra metáfora quizá? ¿O solo siendo astuto en la forma de decirle que estaba al tanto de sus nuevos intereses?.

Probablemente la segunda. De cualquier manera, el joven hizo caso a los deseos de su padre, restableció conexión con su familia y después de unos meses regresó a Nueva York para comenzar a asistir de nuevo a la universidad, esta vez eligiendo la carrera de artes visuales.

Durante el primer año su vida social no fue la mejor gracias a que evadía las fiestas a más no poder y se la pasaba en su departamento de collage town estudiando y boceteando nuevos diseños de tatuajes, ya que gracias a las redes sociales logró conseguir clientes en su nueva locación.

Al entrar a segundo año, estando un poco más establecido tanto en la ciudad como en la escuela, decidió unirse a la fraternidad universitaria como manera de conocer gente nueva. Aunque mayormente ha servido para que evite que su cuarto sea un caos lleno de sketches en progreso y botes de pintura por todos lados, debe admitir que la obligación de socializar con alguien por lo menos una vez al día le hace bien de vez en cuando.

Eso, hacer lo que le gusta, contar con el apoyo de su familia y, por supuesto, asistir a terapia. Ha sido un camino largo, y algunos días son regresivos, pero el Ha-neul de dieciocho años estaría orgulloso del progreso que ha hecho emocional y mentalmente.

◖ᴄᴏɴᴇxɪᴏɴᴇꜱ◗

› _____ Kang: - hermano mayor por seis años. - dueño del 40% del negocio familiar y quien mayormente esta a cargo de. [ open for role ]

› ( crush ): - mejor amigue de la infancia y adolescencia. - primer amor. [ open for role ]

› Amistades

› Enemistades

› Etcetera

[freakinbads]

"It's your favourite." [ xander to haneul i'm not crying you are ]

It's a blanket, something that Haneul had mentioned very much in passing to Xander. It's from a small business from Australia, a company his parents had gotten him absolutely addicted to in terms of comfort. He'd been missing the blanket he'd left in his parent's house, and this one is identical save for the color being ocean blue. His heart is in two places, the Pacific Ocean and with Xander. He's nuzzling Xander's cheek. "I love this. See what I mean? It's so warm." He's putting the blanket over them both. "It's like an extra hug."

[secretxxpaladaiseu]

"What would your unusual superpower be?" any muse you want.

"A silver touch would be nice...It holds value better than gold, and I could just sell it to buy nice things!" -Sera

"Oh wow...Hm...That's a really good question. To never get tired ever! It feels like I'm too exhausted on my off days to enjoy them, and I usually fall asleep almost immediately after my streams...It'd be nice to never have to sleep." -Jinae

"Invisibility. Though, I suppose that's a normal answer...I just don't want to have people's attention. I'd love to just enjoy what I do without drawing a lot of attention. I don't want to be a pervert or anything! I just want to be...Invisible. Though I guess then I couldn't get paid, huh?" -Hajime

"I'd want to change people's minds. I get judged both from people who knew me as a kid, and from my appearance now. It's annoying, and I just want people to stop judging me when they see me. My work is loved, it keeps me busy for days on end around holidays, and even during non-holiday times. When people see me, though, they always seem real hesitant. If my work is good, and I'm passionate about it, what does it matter what I look like?! I don't look dirty most days...Ugh." -Haneul

"Super powers? ODD super powers? Oh I've never been good with this stuff...I never got into comics and super heroes! Never really had the time...OH! That's it!! I'd want to control time. To make it go faster or slower, or to go forward or backwards on a whim! I know, I know. The whole butterfly effect theory and stuff, but...Maybe I could fix a lot of mistakes, and my life would be better no matter what I lost that I have now..." -Inna

[daheeful]

            what  was  once  a  harmless,  silly  little  daydream was  now  materializing  before  her  very  eyes.  and  frankly,  dahee  had  absolutely  no  clue  what  to  do  with  herself.  just  seeing  haneul  smile  made  her  heart  balloon  with  joy.  it  was  strange,  this  was  supposed  to  be  nothing  more  than  a  passing  crush,  and  yet  here  they  were.  she  wanted  to  see  that  smile  again—  bright,  wide,  just  like  the  one  he  just  flashed.  and  then,  as  always,  he  threw  her  off  guard,  eyes  widening  as  she  echoed  the  word  again,  "  do  you  like  it  when  i  call  you  that  .  .  "  a  brief  pause,  her  tongue  brushing  her  lips,  "  oppa  ?  "

 somehow,  it  rolled  off  her  tongue  so  effortlessly,  like  she'd  said  it  a  thousand  times  before  in  another  life.  the  moment  his  touch  grazed  her,  electric  tingles  raced  beneath  her  skin.  dahee,  with  another  brave  little  burst  of  boldness,  finally  asked  the  question  that  had  been  clawing  at  her  mind.  "  why  can  i  hear  you  in  my  head  ?  "  she  asks  simply,  "  it's  like  .  .  back  in  the  classroom,  you  spoke  to  me.  and  just  now,  too.  "  she  might  be  soft-spoken,  but  dahee  had  never  been  short  on  curiosity.  her  gaze,  now  completely  detached  from  the  forgotten  books  before  them,  lingered  on  him.  and  without  much  thought,  her  hand  reached  out,  resting  gently  against  his  cheek,  cautious  and  featherlight,  afraid  that  one  wrong  move  might  hurt  him.

 and  in  an  instant  .  .  a  flash  of  something  happens.  a  still  image  burning  into  her  mind.  a  stained  glass  window  towering  behind  a  girl  who  looked  like  her,  but  wasn't  her  .  .  smiling  wide,  lighter  hair,  hanbok  flowing  around  her  like  mist.  

            and  standing  in  front  of  her  was  haneul.

 the  zap  of  the  vision  knocked  her  back  to  reality,  and  when  her  eyes  met  his  again,  they  were  wide  with  awe  and  confusion  —  what  on  earth  had  just  happened  ?  did  he  see  that  too  ?  

             there  he  was  again  staring  at  her  like  he  had  done  a  moment  ago,  watching  her  throat  move  as  she  was  taking  a  big  gulp  from  her  drink.  as  if  he  wasn't  in  pain  already  for  wanting  to  just  attack  her  there  and  then.  his  fingers  curling  and  nails  pressing  against  the  palm  of  his  hand,  nails  digging  into  his  skin,  hunger  feeling  like  pain.  this  girl  was  driving  him  insane,  was  she  teasing  him  ?  did  she  know  more  of  him  ?  did  she  know  that  he  wasn't  a  human  ?  clearing  his  throat  a  little  before  almost  choking  on  air  from  hearing  what  had  left  her  mouth.

             just  a  simple  word.

 but  it  was  driving  him  insane,  something  about  her  voice,  the  quiet  whisper  like  feather  caressing  his  cheek  with  a  getle  manner.  god,  he  wanted  to  hear  it  again.  that  soft  voice.  the  text  book  before  them  long  forgotten  as  his  attention  was  fully  on  dahee.  ❛  you  called  me  oppa.  ❜  a  smile  on  face  widens.  ❛  can  you  call  me  that  again  ?  ❜  next  move  was  out  of  his  control,  hand  up  to  turn  her  head  by  the  chin.  wanting  to  see  those  big  round  eyes.  haneul  knew  he  was  simping  over  this  girl,  not  just  because  he  wanted  to  have  a  taste  of  her,  taste  her  blood  and  suck  her  dry.  there  was  something  else,  something  he  couldn't  quite  yet  point  out.  he  was  a  teacher's  assistant,  he  was  supposed  to  focus  on  studies  but  he  was  so  distracted,  hearing  her  heart  beat,  rush  of  blood  in  veins  and  those  eyes,  those  goddamn  eyes  that  were  doing  something  to  him,  it  was  like  he  was  drawn  to  her,  like  he  belonged  to  her.

[fam1lyjewels]

- tag masterlist

(   the family jewels   )   /   *   profile   .

(   the family jewels   )   /   *   discography   .

(   the family jewels   )   /   *   aesthetic   .

(   the family jewels   )   /   *   asks   .

(   the family jewels   )   /   *   musing   .

(   the family jewels   )   /   *   development   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   profile   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   discography   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   aesthetic   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   asks   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   musing   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   development   .

(   gigi   )   /   *   visage   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   profile   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   discography   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   asks   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   musing   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   development   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   visage   .

(   haneul   )   /   *   aesthetic   .

(   bina   )   /   *   profile   .

(   bina   )   /   *   discography   .

(   bina   )   /   *   asks   .

(   bina   )   /   *   musing   .

(   bina   )   /   *   development   .

(   bina   )   /   *   visage   .

(   bina   )   /   *   aesthetic   .

(   effie   )   /   *   profile   .

(   effie   )   /   *   discography   .

(   effie   )   /   *   asks   .

(   effie   )   /   *   musing   .

(   effie   )   /   *   development   .

(   effie   )   /   *   visage   .

(   effie   )   /   *   aesthetic   .

(   narei   )   /   *   profile   .

(   narei   )   /   *   discography   .

(   narei   )   /   *   asks   .

(   narei   )   /   *   musing   .

(   narei   )   /   *   development   .

(   narei   )   /   *   visage   .

(   narei   )   /   *   aesthetic   .

[scftlightz]

❝ —tag dump for HANEUL HEO! ❞ 🛸

* haneul 〳ship

* haneul 〳visuals

* haneul 〳musing

* haneul 〳wants

* haneul 〳texts

* haneul 〳thread

* haneul 〳ft. 

* haneul 〳verse ( + )

* haneul 〳listen

* haneul〳connection

[inkshadow]

"i'm impressed...." haneul coos, finally mustering up enough courage to look up at davina with an alluring smirk. hardly a surprise and she's happy to admit that but to take the initiative in ordering food for even haneul's agent? davina certainly knows how to butter people up. a quick glance and already, haneul can see the glimmer brighten in her agent's eyes which could only mean that the subtle bribe is working. who knew mushrooms in their omelet would be such a shoe-in? "so — shall we continue?" haneul quickly gives a rundown based on davina's screenshot from the night before, careful in keeping the saucy little picture hidden from prying eyes. they begin to detail the flight times, potential windows for the paparazzi to have their fill, how the trip will last the ideal length of time for their fans to miss them and inquire but not so long that they have to live without. the girls still had a premiere to work towards, of course, and this little trip might even spark more flames between them for the audience to latch onto. "as you can see, it's been thoroughly vetted. have i missed anything, darling?"

"what she said." she lets haneul dominate the conversation and if the other woman were anyone else, she would find it sexy how she takes charge and presents their impromptu vacation as a necessity. it's an admirable thing, and davina remains thrilled, elbows laid up on the table so that she could rest her chin in hand and grinning from ear-to-ear in agreement. the pretty imagine that she had received lingers in her brain, and she can't wait to see haneul in a bikini at a barside pool. her eyelids flutter, unafraid to try and meet haneul's gaze. "i actually already jumped the gun and had our personalized omelettes delivered. if i remember correctly, you like your mushrooms, right?" the question is aimed to haneul's agent, though she thinks that she has gotten the other woman's tastes down pat too. "we shouldn't have to wait too long, so hopefully you also won't leave us waiting for your response. we really have thought this through."

[eightmakesonebraincell]

the essence of youth is summers with you (teaser)

genre: poly!surfers!ateez x fem!reader, childhood best friend!san, sort of college!au, slice of life and coming of age, slow burn, fluff, angst

length: 1.5k (teaser) + approx. 38k (full fic)

c/w: surfer!ateez (deserves a warning), explicit profanity, more angst when you think things will get better, remaining tags to be revealed with full fic

synopsis: when you move away from your hometown at the age of six, you discover that summer in namhae takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands– choi san. but as the summers go past and he goes to seoul for college, bringing back new friends each year, you start to develop feelings that run deeper than just friendship. will your summers of youth become ones of love and dreams, or will they end in pain and heartbreak?

a/n: surprise!! we’re actually using full stops and paragraphs for once! full fic will be released in exactly one week so enjoy these crumbs until then

you’re all sitting on a patchwork of picnic blankets and beach towels spread around the small fire that san has constructed, now experienced from having made one three years in a row. haneul shares the towel with you on one side and yunho on your other.

dinner had been greasy meat grilled by wooyoung’s skilled hands paired with cheap alcohol that made you all wince when it went down. it had been finished off with skewered marshmallows– the most vital part of the night, as mingi had fervently reminded everyone.

someone had then suggested a round of ‘truth or dare’, which most definitely did not stop at one round. the flushed cheeks and tipsy slurs not only made the dares increasingly bizarre, but it made everyone daring enough to actually do them.

but as the night had continued on, the outlandish dares slowly trickled off and more of you picked to answer truth questions. with the mellowing ambience of the campfire and the clearing buzz of alcohol in your systems, it was only a matter of time before the night fizzled into calm.

“mingi,” haneul directs her question at the taller, “ if you were to date one of us excluding me, who would it be?”

his eyes dart from her to you and then to every single one of his friends.

“i’d date you all,” he shrugs. “but if i had to pick one person, then probably yunho, since he’s been there for me from day one.”

yunho knocks shoulders with him appreciatively whilst joking, “your parents would love to hear that answer.”

you spot san and wooyoung cringing at the thought and you’re reminded of snippets of a conversation about surfing as a distraction and escape from home.

“seonghwa, truth or dare?” mingi asks, moving the game on to the next person.

“truth.”

“if you had to pick between love and friendship, which one would it be?”

seonghwa hums for a while, watching the dancing lick of flames.

“i think it depends on the situation, because in the end, they’re not that much different from each other. in love there is friendship, and in friendship there is love. it’s impossible to say that one is more important than the other.”

there’s a collective boo as he skirts around the question, but you all understand where he’s coming from.

it still doesn’t stop san from retorting, “the whole point is to pick one.”

seonghwa chuckles and downs half a shot to appease the other of his apparent half answer, then tosses the same question at him.

“what about you, then?”

much to his disappointment, san actually has an answer.

“i would probably choose love. i think you’re right in saying you can’t separate love and friendship, but the thing that sets a romantic relationship apart is being in love,” he muses. “it’s hard to find friends you love, but it’s even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, so i would probably hold onto that no matter what.”

a few of you subconsciously nod along, words resonating with yourselves.

haneul nudges you curiously, “what do you think?”

you relax into her side as you slowly formulate a cohesive answer from your thoughts.

“i think i would choose love, too. i’ll admit it’s a much more difficult relationship than friendship and it often requires sacrifices to be made…it can even mean having to let go of somebody completely.”

hongjoong glances at you, guilt pricking at his chest.

“but at the same time,” you continue, “when you love somebody that much, sacrifice becomes something you want to give and are willing to offer to the other person, and you develop a depth of understanding, connection and intimacy strong enough to overcome anything that isn’t always possible with friendship.”

“you and san are both such gross romantics,” haneul pretends to gag.

“yeah, shoot us for it,” you poke her in the side. “wooyoung, truth or dare?”

“since everyone’s picking truth…truth.”

“who’s someone you’re sorry towards or thankful for?”

he whines indignantly, “why are we suddenly getting so personal,” but proceeds to think about his answer seriously.

“if i’m honest, i’m sorry towards everyone. i know there are times i fall short as a friend and make mistakes, but you all always forgive me and embrace my imperfections so graciously. sometimes it makes me wonder if i even deserve you guys.”

there are immediate noises of protest and wooyoung smiles, waving away their words of objection because he knows that he’s wrong. it’s just that knowing doesn’t always stop him from feeling a certain way.

“and of course, what i’m sorry for goes hand in hand with what i’m thankful for. but i’m also especially thankful for y/n,” he reveals.

your body reacts instantly to his unexpected answer, blood rushing towards your cheeks and ears as he looks at you appreciatively.

“i haven’t known you for as long as most of the other boys, but i’ve seen how happy and vibrant they all are whenever they return to seoul or whenever they talk about you. and i can definitely see why, now. you make them happy– you make us happy.”

mingi clears his throat, jumping in to add to the younger’s answer, “when i’m here in namhae with you, with everybody, it feels like home.”

a home that he’s never really had until yunho, san, you, and the rest of the boys came along.

“so thank you for giving me a home here,” mingi looks at you earnestly.

if he were sitting closer, you would reach over and squeeze his hand reassuringly.

“no matter how many years go by, you’ll always have a home here,” you tell him instead.

“and the rest of us?” yunho jokes, lightly slapping your knee where your legs have slowly made their way into his lap over the night.

“you all have a home here,” you amend.

because namhae is not the same without san, and namhae is not the same without the rest of your friends, either.

you continue asking each other questions, even after midnight has long ticked past and haneul has retired back to the beach house for some sleep. nobody wants the night to end, because despite already having been attached to each other’s hips all summer, the time you are spending now around the campfire is different.

life slows down and the nine of you are the only ones to exist along with the stars and the ocean waves.

“you know what we should do?” wooyoung pipes up when you are all quietly watching the fire.

he grins, “we should do that thing where we shout at the ocean.”

“just…straight up scream?” hongjoong frowns.

a smile starts to spread across san’s face as he understands wooyoung’s vision.

“no, like our dreams. regrets. confessions,” san elaborates, making a move to stand and brushing the sand off his shorts.

seonghwa questions, “are we really doing this?” and yet he stands up as well.

“when will we ever get a chance to do this again?”

one by one, you all get up on your feet and wander down the beach closer towards the water. it’s silent, save for the crash of waves, while you eye each other and wait for somebody to start it off.

yunho clears his throat, then yells his next words from the very depths of his chest, “i want to become a famous choreographer!”

there are shared giggles at the striking contrast in volume after hours of low, heartfelt conversation, but it’s enough to fill the rest of you with courage and desire to do the same.

“i want my parents to accept that i won’t be a lawyer like they wanted me to be!” yeosang calls out.

mingi takes a huge breath with his entire body, “i hope i’ll win the lottery one day!”

you all break out into laughter, happiness and vigour running high through your veins. it definitely feels a little silly and a little childish, but is that not the charm of living in the prime years of your youth and spending it with your friends?

reservations now completely thrown to the wind, the boys holler and yell both serious and unserious aspirations with their entire soul, cupping the sides of their mouths with their hands to carry their voices further out across the waters. you watch them with deep affection and tenderness and your eyes suddenly start to well up with the intensity of your emotions.

thank you for showing me what love feels like.

you can continue to love them as friends, and that is already more than you could ever ask for.

taking a deep inhale of the chill of emerging dawn and blinking away the blur in your eyes, you join the boys and yell your heart out to the ocean. your screams blend together into a symphony of dreams and hopes; the swell of the chorus and the pinnacle of the movie.

and even though you’re all half-delirious from the lack of sleep, hair ruffled and mismatched pajamas wrinkled, it feels like anything and everything is possible in this moment.

from here on, it’s the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring.

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