#hana fear effect

[swaggerblonde]

Swagger Blonde Let's Plays Fear Effect 2 PlayStation One Part 5 Come on ...

[lgbtvideogames]

Hana and Rain | Fear Effect Sedna

[litoperezito]

🖌️Fear Effect

[dokonskit]

The time counter at the end of the game showed me 7 hours, 48 minutes and 23 seconds, but in fact I spent more time of my life on this masterpiece, because there were still many unsaved takes. I also watched two endings. Fear Effect 2: Retro Helix was way ahead of its time (2001), as was the first game. Even the art was given out at the end. I don't regret the time I spent. The game will appeal to those who like cinematic scenes and dislike the limited gameplay of classic Resident Evil.)

Счётчик времени в конце игры показал мне 7 часов 48 минут и 23 секунды, но на самом деле я потратил больше времени своей жизни на этот шедевр, ибо было ещё много несохранённых дублей. А также я посмотрел две концовки. Fear Effect 2: Retro Helix сильно опередила своё время (2001 год), как и первая часть. Даже артик в конце выдали. Я не жалею о потраченном времени. Игра подойдёт тем, кто любит кинематографичные сцены и не любит ограниченный геймплей классических Resident Evil.)

[mvfm-25]

" Murder and mayhem interrupted by frequent dressing and undressing! "

GamePro Magazine n148 - January, 2001.

[panzerdrako]

[meadowfics]

I apologize if you're not taking requests at this time. I just have to get it down before I forget lol.

What if Kang Dae-Ho and reader meet during the games and somehow survive and get married and have a kid who one day comes home from school wanting to play these children games they learned from their classmates/teachers (the games they played) and maybe it brings up the bad memories. Like kinda angsty but with a comforting ending something.

childhood dreams, adult nightmares

kang dae-ho x wife!mother!reader

seo-ah does not understand the effect of a childhood game on you

I am adding this to my, "kang family" series since this is such a good concept! thank you for requesting <3

warning: PTSD mentions, yes dae-ho and y/n were in the games in this AU before seo-ah and byeol came along :(

there is a link to see seo-ah's little cute sneakers to make your day <3

four years ago, you never thought you would live to see this life.

the quiet suburban home in the countryside in korea.

the warm smell of baby lotion and freshly brewed tea lingering in the air. the sound of your three-year-old daughter, seo-ah, giggling as she kicks off her tiny pink strawberry sneakers by the door.

the little girl's excitement was bubbling over after a long day at daycare.

you never thought you would survive at all to see this life,

or any life outside of comfort,

or any life outside of poverty,

yet here you are.

your hands tighten slightly on the baby carrier strapped to your chest, where byeol is sleeping peacefully, her tiny face nestled against your sternum, breaths warm and steady.

byeol's weight is small but grounding, a reminder that she is real. that this life is real, and you did survive the worst.

you and dae-ho had spent the day running errands, taking turns carrying byeol, rocking her, feeding her, going through the motions of parenthood with the quiet ease of two people who had built a home out of the wreckage of their past.

when you talked to dae-ho's oldest sister, and your sister-in-law, hana, a few months back, she suggested that seo-ah is at an age where she needs more social interaction with kids her own age.

so, dae-ho and you put seo-ah in morning daycare so she can play, start her learning, and make some new mini friends.

today had been a good day.

until seo-ah says something that freezes you in place.

"eomma, we played a new game today at recess!"

seo-ah announces, pulling her backpack off and tossing it onto the floor. the girl's cheeks are flushed with excitement as she bounces on her toes.

you smile, adjusting the strap of the baby carrier, watching as she pulls out a small piece of construction paper with crayon scribbles all over it.

"oh yeah? what game, baby?"

she grins, bright and carefree, completely unaware of the way your world is about to tilt on its axis.

"I think it was called... hm? wait! red light, green light! it was red light, green light!"

your breath catches in your throat.

your hands go still.

your entire body stiffens, as if your muscles are locking up, as if your nervous system is throwing every alarm at once, a tidal wave of ice-cold fear crashing down on you.

red light. green light.

breathe.

breathe.

you can't.

your ears ring.

your vision blurs at the edges.

your heartbeat thunders in your chest, loud and panicked, drowning out the warmth of the home around you.

"eomma?"

seo-ah tilts her head, blinking up at you with wide, innocent eyes.

she doesn't know.

seo-ah doesn't know.

act normal, y/n.

you force a smile, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"o-oh, yeah? who taught you that game?"

your voice feels distant, wrong, like it doesn’t belong to you.

"seonsaengnim said it’s really fun! we played it outside, and i won once!"

she beams, clearly proud of herself.

your stomach churns. nausea twists inside you like a knot pulled too tight.

images flash behind your eyes, unwelcome and cruel.

you remember when you won once, too.

except, you would have died if you didn't.

the sun beating down on your skin. the crack of gunfire. bodies collapsing around you, limp and lifeless. the screams. the silence.

stop. stop. stop.

"eomma?"

you snap back to the present, your nails digging into your palms as you force yourself to focus on your daughter.

on her soft voice, her curious eyes she got from you, the way she’s still waiting for your response.

before you can say anything, dae-ho’s voice calls out from down the hall.

"seo-ah, baby, use your inside voice! your sister's sleeping."

your head turns instinctively.

dae-ho is in byeol’s nursery, gently rocking her bassinet as he hums under his breath, soothing her. t

he sight of him...tall, strong, always steady...should bring you comfort.

right now, you don’t want him to see you like this.

you don’t want to trigger him, too.

"w-why don’t you go wash your hands before dinner, hm?"

you tell seo-ah, ruffling her hair.

she pouts but obeys, skipping off toward the bathroom, humming a song to herself.

as soon as she’s gone, you let out a shaky breath and press a hand to your chest, as if that will somehow slow the frantic beating of your heart.

you close your eyes. try to shake it off. try to remind yourself that this is not then.

this is not the games.

however, your body doesn’t understand the difference.

its been a while since you remembered those games. your brain tries to block that memory all of the time.

today, the memories were clear as day.

your legs feel weak as you make your way to the bedroom, setting the empty baby carrier down carefully before you sit on the edge of the bed.

your hands are still trembling, your lungs still tight.

you need to pull yourself together. you can’t let dae-ho see you like this.

you can’t—

“baby?”

your husband's voice is soft, but it startles you anyway.

you snap your head up, meeting his gaze.

dae-ho is standing in the doorway, brows furrowed slightly, his expression unreadable.

your stomach twists.

he noticed.

of course he did.

you try to muster a small smile.

“hey.”

he studies you for a long moment before stepping forward.

“what’s wrong?”

don’t tell him.

don’t tell him.

you don’t want to see that look in his eyes.

the same look he had the night you both finally got out, the night you collapsed in his arms, covered in blood that wasn’t your own, shaking so violently he had to hold you together.

the night before that when the rebellion happened. when you had to comfort a shaking dae-ho since the gunshots reminded him of his time in the marines.

he had worser PTSD symptoms than you did, if you had to compare.

however, dae-ho is patient.

he crouches in front of you, resting a warm hand on your knee.

"talk to me, baby."

you let out a slow breath, your throat tight.

“seo-ah told me that she--um--played… red light, green light today at daycare.”

he stills.

"it reminded me of.."

for a long moment, neither of you say anything.

dae-ho's fingers flex against your knee, his jaw tightens, his own breathing uneven. the ex-marine's eyes darken in a way that makes your stomach drop.

"oh."

you nod.

"yeah."

a heavy silence falls between you, thick with memories neither of you want to relive.

“i didn’t want to tell you,”

you admit quietly.

“i didn’t want to make you—”

“it’s okay,”

he cuts in gently.

“you can tell me anything.”

you can see it.

the tension in his shoulders, the way his fingers curl into fists before he slowly unclenches them.

he’s not okay either. but he’s trying.

just like you.

he takes a deep breath, then reaches for your hands, lacing his fingers through yours.

“she’s safe,”

he says, and you can’t tell if he’s reminding you or himself.

“she’s here. alive. she’s okay.”

you nod, squeezing his hands.

"i know. i just—" you swallow hard.

"it still gets to me."

"i know, sweetheart."

his voice is so soft it almost breaks you.

he moves to sit beside you, pulling you into his arms. the warmth of him, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, is the only thing keeping you from spiraling again.

"breathe with me,"

he murmurs against your hair.

so you do.

inhale.

his chest rises with yours.

exhale.

dae-ho's arms tighten around you.

the two of you sit like that for a long time, breathing together, grounding each other.

you don’t know how much time passes before you finally whisper,

“do you think it’ll ever go away?”

he doesn’t answer right away. then, he sighs, pressing a kiss to your temple.

"maybe not completely but we have each other, right?"

you close your eyes, nodding.

"yeah."

"and seo-ah. and byeol."

his voice is steadier now.

"we survived, baby. we made it. no one is taking anything from us ever again."

dae-ho's words settle into your bones, solid and warm, and you believe him.

you press your face against his chest, soaking in the quiet comfort of him.

the past will always be there, unfortunately, waiting for moments like this to creep in.

you are here alive with dae-ho. together.

alive.

kang family masterlist here

[dimonds456]

"Perhaps he may yet prove his worth to me" headcanon

I have So many Ford thoughts about this era of his life, here is only a sliver of my insanity FGHJSD

Alt text below cut ^^

ID: a bunch of Discord screenshots showing a single user rambling about Stanford Pines from Gravity Falls. User Dimonds456 has their profile set to the autism eyes Stanley image from Lost Legends. Here is the full transcript of everything they said:

Listening to Hana's Ford video at work again today (the 5 hour one) and something they were talking about in it I kinda wanna elaborate on. The line "perhaps he can still prove his worth to me," to me, is a line that I think Ford both does mean and doesn't mean at the same time, and the reason why is. sad.

To me, this is Ford realizing he's got no way out, right? Like, contacting Stan is part of his last resort plan, the one he had to switch to once he was given the 72 hours before his life- and the world's- came to an end

Like, let's be real: the plan "I'm gonna go back up to the caves to where I first discovered Bill and hope and pray there's an answer there" REALLY ISNT a plan

Hope and pray isn't a survival strategy, but that's where Ford is at rn

Every other plan failed.

Project Mentem takes too long to encrypt, and more than likely wouldn't stop possession anyway. It would just prevent Bill from seeing Ford's thoughts and memories. Might provide some protection, but not enough.

The Bill Proof suit he isn't mechanically knowledgable enough to actually make effectively, and he doesn't know McGucket is still in town

He can't go down to the basement else risk the possibility of Bill possessing him, and if he tries to dismantle the portal, as we see in TBOB, there's a good chance Bill will just fucking torture him over it

He doesn't know about the Cipher Wheel at this point, or if he does, doesn't believe it'll help. And even if he did, he doesn't know enough people or enough about people to know who he needs

He doesn't know about using a metal plate/tinfoil hat

He couldn't get access to unicorn hair, so the barrier is out(edited)

The caves were his last resort

At this point, he knows there's a good chance he's going to die. All he can do is make sure the world stays alive after the fact. But that doesn't mean he wants to. He is fighting Bill tooth and nail, holding out for as long as he can, despite the knowledge that in 72 hours, he is going to die.

Or, if not die, he's going to be blind and subjected to Bill's every whim

To me, the "perhaps he can still prove his worth to me" line is him clinging to the one last thing he DOES have control over: his emotions. And he's choosing to be angry because anger is a better emotion to feel than fear or anxiety

Cuz at this point, his entire world has been flipped upside-down, right

Bill was evil

Fidds was right

He's second-guessing his decisions about Stanley

He writes, in code, "have I been too harsh [to Stan] all along?"

Like, over the course of a couple days/a month, his entire view of the world and how it works has spun WILDLY out of control

He can't change the fact that Bill is evil, he can't change the fact that Fidds was right, so in a desperate act to cling to the one thing he has control over, he continues to take it out on Stan, cuz that's all he has

It's PEAK learned helpllessness

He has to have been right about something.

Cuz otherwise, he's the worst. And no one wants to feel like that, especially while being tortured at the hands of a demon and trying to protect the goddamn world

So he both means it, since I do think that came from a genuine place (his anger at Stan over the project), but also doesn't mean it at all (he knows Stan has worth but is too Regina George to admit that right now)

It's also why he was SO QUICK to bring that up during his and Stanley's fight

Again, he's clinging onto that anger as hard as he can

He had to cooporate with Stan to try and get him to take the Journal, but as soon as it looked like that plan was gonna fail, he started flipping out, both from stress, fear, anxiety, and from his anger he is refusing to let go

Again, Ford isn't dumb. He knows he's running on borrowed time at this point.

And something about knowing your life is either gonna end soon, or you're gonna become disabled and toyed with for the rest of your life, would mean he's not thinking rationally

ON TOP OF the lack of sleep and clarity

Does this make sense FGHJSKD

I'm pushing my learned helplessness headcanon on y'all SO HARD I'm not even gonna lie GFDHSJK

End transcript, end ID.

[angel-kyo]

Almost the one [II]

When a too prone to fall in love Satoru decides he is tired of always chasing the wrong person, his eyes finally turn to the one that should be his perfect match, and to your dismay, this is no other than one of your closest friends; and while the idea of assisting your friend in becoming the man of someone else's dreams held no appeal to you, with your past revisiting, maybe helping him might be the way of helping yourself.

Prev: I

=======================

He must be nuts. There is no way he means it.

That’s what you had thought at Satoru’s request to date him before letting out an incredulous laugh followed by a court ‘No’, and turning around in direction to the campus.

“Why not?” he had asked, catching up with your step.

“What do you mean why not? Because it’s crazy.”

He had not insisted after that, and you assumed that he had not really meant it and it would be best to just forget it.

So why were you not forgetting it?

You peeked at Satoru from the corner of your eye. You two were now listening to the lecture of Mr. Nishikawa, or rather him reading an extremely long set of slides on statistics. It was one of the two classes you and Satoru would be taking together that semester. But as your friend kept looking ahead, his mind probably not on the lectures either, you kept wondering...

He could not have meant it, right?

Back there, he had looked so serious about it that, for a second, you almost believed him. However, you knew better. You were not the type he would date. No, he liked a certain kind of girls. Exotic ones, cute ones, some with stunning features or just girls who has a certain air around them. He liked girls who… stood out in a crowd. Girls like…

“Utahime!” a girl behind you called. “We saved you a seat.”

Utahime was one of your closest friends, and you were aware that her cool personality, and not to mention, graceful features, made her rather popular among your peers. So much that she seemed to have picked the interest of the Gojo Satoru himself.

The way he glanced to the back when she arrived did not go unnoticed by you.

He was at that phase of the Gojo cycle where he could not take his eyes off the one he liked.

The “Gojo Cycle” was something Shoko had come up after a night of too many drinks while you and your friends were discussing Satoru’s love life, and it could be summarized in five stages. The first stage was “The Cupid stage”, in which Gojo sets his eyes on someone for the first time and, as if targeted by Cupid himself, he thinks fate has brought them together. That was usually followed by the staring phase, where he currently was at with Utahime, always searching for her and effectively finding her in his surroundings, reinforcing his belief that the Universe wanted them together.

The third stage was dating. Most times, Satoru would be successful in asking someone out and even in taking them on a few dates for two or three week, but then, for some reason, they would inevitably enter the ’This isn't working stage’ and Satoru’s object of affection would start avoiding him, not answering his calls and texts, or plainly stating that they were not interested anymore. It did not matter how much he chased.

And that is when it came, the phase you feared the most: the heartbreak.

The last stage of the Gojo cycle you feared if not for it’s duration but for it’s unpredictability. Albeit short in terms of time, the process for mending Satoru’s heart could be… challenging. Sometimes he needed an emotional marathon of movies, some others, indulging in sweets to the point of almost making himself sick; other times, he just needed to hit the gym as if his life depended on it.

Party nights, running marathons, trying new hobbies, long calls at 3am….The list could go on and on. Sometimes, he would do all. And what all of Satoru’s coping mechanisms had in common was that he would drag you along with him.

Surprisingly, the breakup, if it could be considered as such, with Hana had not hit him too hard. While Satoru had worried you for a second making you think he was looking too deep into the reason why she had left him, his focus had then shifted to Utahime, which wasn’t ideal but just the fact of him moving on was a relief nonetheless.

===

“Are you sticking to basketball this semester?” you asked Gojo while you walked together out of campus.

He nodded with a big smile on his face. “Of course I am. The team is counting on me after all.” He winked and you would have rolled your eyes at his egocentric notions and tried to kick some sense into him so he would focus more on his studies, but the vision in front of you prevented any words from coming out.

Satoru, who had been expecting a snarky reply, looked down at you when none came from your mouth, only to find out you were not by his side but a few steps back, fixed on a couple of guys looking at one of the campus maps.

He knew one of them, Suguru, his friend and fellow teammate in basketball. However, he had never seen the guy next to him. Seeing that Suguru appeared to be giving directions and pointing at the map, Satoru assumed it was a freshman or a visitor who had asked for help, but that did not explain why you had gone pale out of nowhere.

“[name]? Are you okay?” Satoru asked returning to your side.

It took a couple seconds for you to nod and force yourself to look somewhere else.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Peripherally, you saw Geto wave and probably say his goodbyes to the other guy, and you couldn’t help but turn and try to get another look, hoping that you were mistaken, that it wasn’t him but someone with an uncanny resemblance.

You and Satoru were at least thirty feet away from them, but his eyes still met yours and you could have sworn you saw a brief flash of recognition on his face. You averted your gaze a soon as you could.

No, it was definitely him.

=======================

Note: To everyone's surprise, myself included, I'm alive.

[changingplumbob]

First Impressions - Apolline

How do you feel so far?

Things seem to be going well so far - not that I really expected anything different. Sure, I'm not the number one /yet/, but I believe it's still early enough in the competition that being tied in sixth won't have too much impact in making Deanna realize I deserve the top spot. I just hope that this first round gives me the opportunity to shine.

Callie

She seems to be very authentic, straight to the point and wearing her heart on her sleeve like that. Either very confident in her self-worth or trying very hard to emulate confidence. But who knows, maybe being as expressive as she is can be a smart move. It certainly gives a "what you see is what you get" vibe. Blunt, but probably manageable.

Hana

A fellow artist and a very sophisticated person. I can appreciate that. She seems remarkably talented, and clearly has good taste. I'm fairly confident we'll be able to get along.

Billie

Another creative. Billie seems to be very imaginative, which can be good in some situations. An out-of-the-box approach is something noteworthy, but it could so easily slip onto a head-in-the-clouds disposition… I hope she can keep at least some of her feet in the ground if we hope to get along decently enough.

Elise

Oh… This is going to be a rather tense affair, no? Being completely fair, I find her very strong-minded, and I typically enjoy being around women who know full well what they want for themselves. The go-getter energy is always so pleasant to deal with. …Until we are rivals. In a competition. And I'm not the type of girl that bows down easily, so… sigh some butting heads are going to happen, I fear.

Lara

It's certainly interesting to have landed in the same group as the current number one… Lara seems like a very lively person, I can kind of see how it managed to captivate Deanna this early on. A bubbly disposition can work wonders. But it remains to be seen for how long this "don't worry, be happy" attitude she brings can be effective…

Apolline created and written by @paracosmic-sims

[saccharine-syanide]

Could Ren Hana have Borderline Personality Disorder??

Borderline Personality Disorder has a list of 9 criteria intended for diagnosis, however an individual needs only meet 5 of the 9 listed criteria to achieve this diagnosis. In this analysis, I will be discussing why I believe that Ren Hana (BTD/BTD2) likely meets enough criteria for a diagnosis with the disorder. I am not a licensed professional, this is entirely speculative, done for fun/personal reasons, and based on my own interpretations of Gatobob’s character.

This analysis will contain spoilers for Boyfriend to Death 1 and 2

We’ll start off with fear of abandonment as it’s not only the first item on the diagnostic criteria list, but one of the symptoms that is more prominent in Ren’s character.  From the first moment that we, as the MC, find ourselves awakening in Strade/Ren’s house in Boyfriend to Death 2, Ren has made certain to achieve absolute control over our freedom and ability to move about.  The player character awakens on the couch, a chain securing them via their ankle to the wall, and of course the shock collar fixed securely around MC’s neck.  Once unchained a short while later in the story, the player has the option to run from the beastkin, resulting in electrocution as Ren triggers the shock collar.  This collar is also automatically triggered if the player character wanders too close to the front door, effectively trapping them within the house whether or not Ren is present.  Ren makes it very clear throughout all of his interactions with the MC that he considers them his ‘friend’, despite his controlling behaviors, demonstrating his fear that his newfound companion will find some way to slip free of his grasp, leaving him alone once more, just as how he was when his former captor died.

We see evidence for unstable and/or changing relationships between his relationships with both the MC and Lawrence Oleander.  Ren and Lawrence initially form their bond through an online gore forum, eventually meeting in person, with Lawrence being Ren’s intended victim/companion until the player character comes across the pair.  Accessing Ren’s route in-game then sees a rapid shift of interest from Lawrence, over to the player, who is captured instead.  Later on in the game Ren succeeds in finally capturing Lawrence, however at this point he is no longer interested in developing a further friendship of any kind with the other man, instead intending him to now be the sacrifice of what he has deemed to be the perfect bonding ritual with the MC.  However, should the player steadfastly refuse to take part in Lawrence’s murder, Ren’s relationship with both the MC and Lawrence can shift once again, resulting in the player now being the one tied to the chair and subjected to Ren and Lawrence’s murderous whims.

Ren’s mood instability is fairly present throughout most of his routes in Boyfriend to Death 2 alongside obvious issues with anger.  He easily shifts from a happy and cheerful demeanor, to much more cruel and cold depending on which choices the player character makes when interacting with him.  These changes can very quickly and easily affect which route the player ends up taking, leaving the player tied up in the basement and subject to whichever torture method Ren uses against them, or, as seen in endings such as the ‘Ren ate your heart’ ending, Ren’s unstable mood and strong anger can result in brutal MC death.

While this one casts a bit more personal conjecture on my part, I also believe that Ren exhibits some form of struggle with identity or sense of self.  In Boyfriend to Death 2 we receive the information that Strade, Ren’s former captor and companion has been deceased for approximately 2 years at this point.  Ren could choose at this time to work on re-integrating himself within society and discover who he is as a person (or beastkin) but instead of working towards self-discovery and healing, he chooses instead to mimic Strade’s behavior.  Ren could also struggle with his half-human half-beastkin heritage, and deceased siblings (killed by his mother for not being born beastkin) with these being why he left the beastkin colony in the first place.

While Ren’s desire to kidnap Lawrence was likely a premeditated action, his later capture of the MC, murder of Lawrence, and violence towards the MC should the player’s actions result in the MC being taken to the basement, as well as the few unprotected sexual scenes could possibly be classified as impulsive actions.

Praise from the MC as well as declarations of a desire for affection or intimate acts cause Ren’s heart meter to quickly and positively increase.  This along with other dialog including lines surrounding information about Strade’s death could be indicative of Ren holding feelings of worthlessness/sadness around himself.

While not necessarily criteria for diagnosing BPD in an individual, a common occurrence seen with individuals who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder is the presence of what has become known as a favorite person.  This is a person that an individual with BPD holds an intense emotional connection with, and often relies on for their emotional validation and well-being.  Considering Ren’s level of obsession with the MC and his desire for them to never leave him, as well as the way his emotions drastically shift (positive or negative) depending on the choices and voice lines that the player opts for in-game, I’d say that there is evidence that the MC might be considered a favorite person to Ren.

Probably not the most in-depth analysis but finals are eating my motivation. If anyone has any additional thoughts please reblog with them, I’d love to hear what you all think!! ^w^

@rkvils

[swaggerblonde]

Swagger Blonde Let's Plays Fear Effect 2 PlayStation One Part 4 Pandora's Maze

[dyn4mightz]

Corruption begins at home— because home is the first place Power is given, to abuse it or to shape it.

I'm sitting in a corner, hugging my knees and thinking about how powerless and helpless little Tenko Shimura must've felt when he was relentlessly, consistently abused by his own father....

while everyone else only watched.

The comparison between Tenko and Izuku is popular with how Izuku receives loves and emotional availablity when his family discovered that he was quirkless.

But don't you think both Shimura's and Todoroki's family are parallels too, even more than Tenko-Izuku?

One family stood on the sidelines...a mother and grandparents who couldn't do anything but look away, a sister who betrays in fear of punishment...and little Hana watches the adults in the family actively avoid the wrath of their oppressors, now internalizes silence and avoidance as safety.

"If I say nothing, maybe I’ll be safe. If I give them what they want, maybe I’ll be spared.”

Embedded, in the child's neural pathways:

Fawn and Freeze.

This is a common trauma response, especially when the family seems to be financially dependent on the Opressor— Tenko's father.

A rich business man at a young age.

Another family, on the other hand... actively protects and grieves each other, each family member had their own role, even to defend the oppressor, Endeavour himself.

FIGHT AND FLIGHT.

Fuyumi who yearns for repair and redemption.

Natsuo who holds Endeavour accountable.

Rei who claims her voice.

Shoto.... we have watched little Shoto defend his mother, punching his tiny fists in the air to create a distance between his mother and father.

(We all hear the joke: "He's punching the air."

But Shoto knows Endeavour would fear accidentally harming his prize and weapon more than harming his wife on purpose.

Shoto Todoroki at age 5, was already rather emotionally intelligent given how he detaches himself from trauma and intellectualize it as a coping mechanism.)

And Toya...Oh, Toya Todorki. The Icarus, the Lucifer, the reminder of grief, regret and karmic backlash. If I were to write about him, it'll overshadow Shimura's analysis.

But here's the conclusion:

The Todoroki family doesn't look away. They confront.

Seems like trauma is shaped by the family's collective trauma response, doesn't it? It creates a whole different dynamic and structure of identity, doesn't it?

Had the Shimura family dynamic been a little different, would Tenko even become Shigaraki in the end?

AFO's plans rely simply on the nature of others, it seems like. The cause-effect that he predicts rather than direct intervention.

Would that just not prove him right?

Had the old lady on the streets helped Tenko when he was alone and scared, had the heroes come to his rescue...would Tenko have a chance at being a child instead of doomed to be a calamity?

It is as if he knows, after all, everything falls into place as it should've happened. Everyone is reacting the way they are meant to. Their nature, compels them to.

With strong principles of cause-effect and knowledge of everyone's past, perhaps AFO had gambled the entire future as a fatalist manipulator with pure determinism.

All For One doesn’t play god.

He plays odds. A calculated nihilist betting on decay

[dokonskit]

My last nerve cell in Fear Effect 2 is like:

[mimikyuno]

trans representation: my hopes and fears about mizuki5 🏳️‍⚧️

im writing this post so that i can keep a record of all of my current thoughts on the upcoming n25 event, which im fairly certain will come soon (september?). i just. i have a lot of thoughts on this topic and i wanna share them before the event drops.

disclaimer: i am tme, and while i am not cis, i am not transfem.

depiction of transfeminine characters in anime has been quite… how do i even put this into words. trans women are depicted as either a joke, or as an “otokonoko” which for brevity’s sake let’s translate to femboy (i highly recommend on reading on the history of the term though). the trope of “tr*ps” was quite common, and used for comedic effects. i think of ruka from steins;gate, who is clearly a trans woman; she has dysphoria, asks okabe to go back in time so she can be born biologically female etc. yet, her womanhood is never taken seriously. “she’s a dude after all.”

i have already written a small post about the history of the “otokonoko” label and the way trans women consistently get third gendered in the anime scene so i won’t repeat myself. the thing is, many transfem characters i have seen in anime are either uncracked eggs or, when out, are often not taken seriously by the rest of the cast. a lot of transfem characters i know of fall in between being an uncracked egg and being out; these would be the very many “girly boys” who identify as male, while living their lives as women and being happy about passing, while people around them who know about their agab either treat them as men or third-gender them. for example, kuranosuke from kuragehime stays an egg throughout the series. as i mentioned in a previous post, i see makoto from the currently airing senpai wa otokonoko as a closeted trans girl struggling with internalised transphobia. she has dysphoria, is happier and feels like her “real self” when presenting as a girl, displays gender euphoria when she passes, and more. narratively, she is coded as a girl. i havent read the manga, but i know the author drops the ball, and makoto never gets to come out in the series.

i can only think of a handful of trans women who are both out AND are taken seriously within the narrative. for example hana from tokyo godfathers, nao-chan from skip and loafer, or isabella from paradise kiss (iirc). though i have not watched these anime, i know that lily from zombieland saga, alluka from hxh, seiko from lovely complex and shuuichi from wandering son also tick both the “out of the closet” and “taken seriously” categories.

the situation is slightly different in manga. in manga, i have always found more trans representation (both transmasc and transfem). however, before we move on to mizuki, i really want to talk about one of my favourite mangas, namely “love me for who i am”, aka fukaboku (anime adaptation when ;-;). this manga revolves around mogumo, a non binary teen who is struggling to make friends. their classmate, a cis boy, mistakes mogumo for an otokonoko, and invites them to work at the crossdressing cafe that his sister (a trans woman) owns. mogumo is initially upset; they are not a girly boy, they are non binary. mogumo is reassured that the cafe is a place for people to be who they are, and they dont have to identify as an otokonoko to work there. this strikes a nerve with mei, one of the kids working there, who is a closeted trans girl. throughout the manga, these characters all come to be more and more unapologetically themselves. lgbt themes are addressed constantly (they even go to a pride parade!!) and the trans women depicted in this manga are some of the best written ones i have come across. because they are actually acknowledged as women.

the reason why i want to talk about fukaboku before discussing mizuki, is that the 4 kids who work at the cafe cover the spectrum of “crossdressing boys” we usually see in anime, though taking it a step further with mogumo and mei. firstly we have ten-chan. he mostly identifies as a boy. he likes anime and manga and cosplaying, he’s into girls (but also hinted to bi maybe? i need to reread this), and he’s an adorable weirdo. to him, dressing as a girl in the cafe is fun, clothes have no gender to him. then there is sou, who is gay and also identifies with his agab. sou has a boyfriend, and the cafe is the only place where he gets to gush about him and feel accepted. he likes cute clothes but always dresses masculinely outside the cafe. then there’s mogumo. as mentioned, mogumo is non binary. they like cute things, so they sometimes like feminine clothes like the maid uniform they wear at the cafe, but they actually prefer a cute androgynous style (they often wear shorts instead of skirts). lastly, mei (my fave, my daughter, light of my life). at the beginning of the manga, mei is a closeted trans girl. initially, she resents mogumo for rejecting the “girly boy” (otokonko) label that she thought she had to embrace to survive and be who she is. thanks to mogumo’s courage, and the guidance of two older trans women (one of which is the owner of the cafe and the other is her friend, who works in fashion), she finds a more stable sense of herself, and canonically and textually identifies as a girl.

AND NOW, onto mizuki. first things first, i see her as a trans girl. her struggle with her identity, the way she presents, her history of bullying, dysphoria (the covered mirrored), and depression (in middle school, before transitioning), visual metaphors (all the pink and blue symbols, i should make a post about this tbh) all hint at her being trans. i really dont think mizuki is an otokonoko; typically, in anime narrative, when there is an otokonoko, the fact is revealed early on, and the struggles are about being accepted as a boy who dresses like a girl or as a funny gag (tr*p). tbh, i think it wouldnt make sense for mizuki to be an otokono. if she were, her main struggle would be to accept that she wants to dress as a girl. once accepted, the arc should be resolved. and she wouldn’t be scared to say “hey im a boy” when people assume she’s a girl. especially with niigo? they met online when she was still pre-transition, if she was an otokonoko it would have made more sense if niigo thought she was a boy, and then irl saw that she looks like a girl and THAT would have been the obstacle. but that is not the case with mizuki. she is happy in people assuming she is a girl, and is terrified of being outed. that is not in line with the trope of otonoko. in fukaboku, we have two characters who are Actually “girly boys”, ten-chan and sou, and neither are like mizuki at all. they dont present femininely with their family nor at school. mizuki is way more similar to mei, when it comes to gender presentation and identity. characters who are similar to mizuki from other media and who dont identify as girls all share the same trait: they are commonly regarded as eggs.

my hope for mizuki5, is that she gets to come out as trans to ena and the rest of niigo. mizuki being confirmed trans, indirectly or not, would make the most narrative sense, looking at her story, imagery, and the build-up for the reveal. and while i desperately hope this is the case, i am overwhelmed by fear. times are changing in the anime scene, and we got canonically gay and trans characters in similar games (the lesbian couple in d4dj or the trans girl in enstars). however, project sekai is massive in japan, and quite renowned internationally too. and that comes with expectations and pressures. when gundam witch from mercury finished airing, bandai namco had to issue a statement that the relationship between miorine and suletta was “up to interpretation”, despite the fact that the two literally get married. gundam is also a huge franchise, and bandai namco chose to issue a statement that would give them plausible deniability. not only is project sekai huge, but as i previously mentioned, representation of transfeminine characters overwhelmingly labels them as an otokonoko. i think the label of “otokonoko” is very useful when it comes to plausible deniability in media; u can see this character as a closeted trans girl, or as a crossdressing boy. you pleased the transgenders, and you pleased the transphobes. expect, u didnt please us. im gonna say it, i hate the crossdressing boy trope in animanga. in most instances, it’s a way to deny the character their identity, and in others, it’s treated as a means (willingly or not) to perpetrate violent and harmful transmisogynistic jokes and stereotypes. tho i will admit, i love a lot of “otokonoko” characters, tho for my mental health i tend to view as transfem nb or just trans women.

project sekai, with the massive reach it has, has the opportunity to give its audience a canonically transfem character. a character who is a fan favorite, whose story has, so far, been handled with so much love, kindness and understanding. mizuki could become the new standard, she could change the way transfem characters are portrayed in mainstream animanga for real. i know we have to let go of the expectations that queer characters have to verbally and explicitly state their identity for them to be taken seriously by the audience but fr i hope this will be the case for this event. i dont think most people would get it otherwise, and will just keep seeing mizuki as an otokonoko. which is in itself sad; being cishet is such a default, that gay and/or characters who never explicitly come out are either misunderstood or seen as a sign of “queerbaiting” (dont get me started on yuribaiting and how insane some of y’all are calling a show with gay women “yuribait” if they dont kiss or say “I AM A HOMOSEXUAL WOMAN).

mizuki’s and ena’s VAs told us to please be kind and understand the characters in preparation for the upcoming event. i hope they go for it. i really, really do. this could for real be a huge game changer in the industry. i see how project sekai keeps inspiring other shows and games (i should make a post about this too lol), so i hope mizuki won’t be third gendered, or shoved into the otokonoko label. i hope she gets to be herself. a girl. and be accepted as one by ena and the rest of niigo. it could be huge. or it could be a flop. no in between. which is why im both excited and terrified of this event. SEGA pls-

[zhivaoverdrive]

Pirska-2, Chapter 5

This story was on hold for a long time. I promise I am attempting to take it somewhere interesting, if you eat your vegetables first it might turn into a good story. Chapter 7 is being finalised. There is some degree of tonal whiplash and 'mature themes' beginning now. If you can guess what I've been reading too much of tin the mean time, you win a prize. ----

Chapter 5

As she burst through the threshold, compact machine pistol raised, Hana was reassured to see Vas frozen behind his desk.

He was moving, albeit slowly. Trying to shut off the large array of security monitors affixed to the wall.

“We will talk-” Hana began, before her gaze got stuck on one of the monitors.

It was one monitor of many, but the impossibly inflated woman asleep on a mattress seized her attention.

Candy… she thought, her grip tightening on the machine pistol pointed square at Vas’ dome.

But it wasn’t Candy. This woman looked Korean. Her breasts may have rivalled Candy’s, but it was unmistakably a different woman.

“Don't. Move”. Hana hissed at Vas

“The other screens. Turn them on”.

Hana pushed her feelings down as she scanned through the monitors.

Many showed empty rooms, mattresses on floors, screens on walls.

But others showed women like the first. Sleeping or delirious, extreme body modifications, alone.

A pale woman laying on her side, grossly overfilled breasts spilling beyond the edge of her mattress, not Candy.

Another Korean, her gigantic ass blown up into two spheres, both winning the battle of keeping the woman horizontal. Her skinny legs looked completely inadequate of hauling her bulk around, the petite woman was simply attached to her own spheroid beach-ball ass.

“Where. Is. She”. spat Hana, the gun now inches from Vas’ head.

Vas’ tried to hide his fear as a final larger monitor flickered to life.

Hana gasped.

—

10 minutes earlier

He was sluggish, remaining outside had only shielded him so much.

Even a tiny wave of the NEMP had reduced his functionality to little more than a limp mode.

To think that was… a tiny one. A pebble. Now his second time on the receiving end of a wave, it proved no easier than his first.

But J.Q pressed on, one foot in front of the other. Threading as carefully through the crowded room as his size and numbed neural link would allow.

It was a surreal sight, with the main power fluctuating, the frozen figures were illuminated only by dim red emergency lighting.

Strippers with their hands locked around poles, fear in their eyes yet unable to move a muscle.

Patrons locked into chairs, but most importantly, the other Heavies gathered around the guard room, frozen stiff. But for how long.

He kept the assault rifle trained on them as he trudged on towards the door.

With all eyes on her, Hana stayed a step behind her new meat, her shield.

Fresh Pirska-2 coursed through her veins.

The amateurishly improvised NEMP bomb strapped to her chest was heavy, but she was still the fastest moving thing in this building. For the moment.

After an eternity, J.Q and Hana reached the hallway that led to the backrooms. The main lights flickered on and off.

J.Q’s legs were starting to free up, the effects would soon be wearing off everyone else in the room too.

He flipped tables and took up a firing position between them. It wasn’t much of a barricade, but it would have to do. The ammunition in his own rifle would tear through an engine block, let alone a table. But it was better than nothing.

“I’m almost back Hana, might be now or never” he said, with nothing but a fraction of his head and rifle barrel visible from behind the table barricade.

Hana remained crouched behind her mostly-human shield and steeled herself, then stood straight up to face the room.

“NO-ONE MOVES.

NO-ONE LEAVES.

YOU HAVE FELT WHAT A TINY ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE DOES” Hana shouted, holding an unused grenade above her head.

���OFFLINE MUCH LONGER AND YOU'D DIE.

THIS ONE IS A THOUSAND TIMES THE SIZE.

DON’T MAKE ME USE IT.

DO. NOT. MOVE.

THIS INCLUDES YOU VAS” she finished, before ducking back down behind J.Q and the barricade.

“Go get her Han-” J.Q began.

“Wait. Movement.”

Hana’s organic eyes couldn’t make it out, but a Heavy was inching his hand towards the locker behind him.

J.Q was now fully online. He could see everything in a combat situation.

Head of the guard. The top goon. His old boss. A miserable prick at the best of times.

“SHOW ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND, KHOZ” J.Q shouted, raising his head slightly above the table line.

But Khoz kept moving. Just fulfilling his role.

“Go now, behind me until around the corner. Leave the grenades. Get her out” J.Q said quietly, so that only Hana could hear him.

He stood straight up, his hulking figure now presenting a clear target. A clear target, but also a 200cm kevlar plated shield.

Hana moved quickly. As she rounded the corner, her own gun now up, she could still hear J.Q shouting.

“NO ONE PASSES OR THE-”

The sentence was cut off by a sudden burst of semi-automatic gunfire.

Hana tensed. It sounded like J.Q’s anti-material rounds, but could she be sure?

It would be a miracle if he survived, they both knew that. But what else was a Heavy do in this world.

Besides, she had just arrived.